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It wasn’t as if he couldn’t predict it. He has seen the symptoms appear in Riga, the smallest cracks in his behavior betraying his mental state. He just didn’t think it would go this far.
And now he had Heinrich standing in front of him with a gun ready to knock his own brains out.
- Heinrich. Put the pistol away. Don’t…- he kept a steady gaze on the boy, though his mind was working furiously. It would be the greatest failure to lose him, after all the effort and time.
- Do i have any fucking reason not to do it?! - Heinrich shouted, his hands and the whole body trembling, - tell me, be as always the reasonable one, tell me that’s all for our great Reich, oh, im sorry, for the Führer! - he proceeded hysterically, finger finally finding the trigger.
Johann was silent for a second, weighing his words and actions. Everything was on the stake at this moment.
- Not the Reich, but the people, - Heinrich stumbled a little on the spot, his eyes glinting with disgust.
- Those who call themselves Germans don't deserve this title. All they deserve is death, though i doubt even it.
- So, you decided to end your life?- said Johann, immediately finding a gap in Heinrich’s words and slowly moving a little, just shifting the weight from one leg to another. Cornering.
- Yes.
- Because you are German? - he pressed further, getting slight frustration in response, that quickly transferred into anger.
- Ye… Not only because of that, and you know it perfectly! - he squeezed the gun tightly.
- Because you are a vampire, one of the privileged class holding all the power in country, and maybe in the world de facto? - said Johann mockingly, his stare hard and concentrated. He brought another inch of his body closer.
- Because i'm a fucking monster! Don't you say i’m mistaking! You saw, you saw them, you saw everything, i don’t even know why you didn’t lose your mind! Oh, i got it, - he smiled with something akin to madness, to Johann’s horror, - you’ve already did, didn’t you? Everyone just lost their mind, and pretends to be sane, as if they would fool anyone, - Heinrich whispered the last words mostly to himself and lowered the gun to his chin. That was enough.
Johann didn’t waste a second and grabbed the armed hand, his reactions at their full speed.
The shot rang.
The scream followed.
He dropped the gun immediately, looking at Johann with terror, his mind trying to catch up. He heard the clatter and dumbly watched the gun collide with the nearest wall. Then Johann guided him to his bed and forced to sit down. He looked unharmed. Only then Heinrich noticed the bullet hole on the opposite wall. He missed.
- We won't discuss it right now.
Anyway he didn’t think he was able to talk.
Then there was minutes of that unbearable silence, thick and heavy. Johann didn't look like he was accusing or judging him, he didn’t wear any particular expression, just stood near the bed. Though that was worse. Heinrich preferred him showing his rare emotions rather than just being. Standing here like a fucking obedient nazi doll, waiting for an order to make a report. Disgust and despair flooded his mind again. Tension rose.
He wanted to sign, to rub his temples, because he had a headache for last six hours, to punch Heinrich in the face and at least make his nose bleed. But he didn’t have neither time nor the right. He walked to the bed, where Heinrich sat perfectly still, his gaze on the floor, mind wandering somewhere.
His decision formed the day he “discovered” (after all he knew it from the beginning) Heinrich true identity. He didn’t see another possible way. If he’ll go away now, there’s high probability of hearing the shot after a few minutes. If he’ll just stay, the chances are still too high tomorrow or even during the night.
Two steps separating them, he started unbuttoning his quilt. Heinrich noticed his approach but didn’t move, only tensed slightly. Johann quickly dealt with the outwear and threw it over the headboard. Then rolled his sleeves high enough to expose wrists. After that Heinrich raised his head, confusion plainly written over his sharp features.
- What?.. - he managed to choke out.
- You were hungry from the moment i saw you today, no need to deny it. You don’t want to drink prisoners’ blood, so it has to be someone else’s. I don’t think you’ll find here at this hour someone willing to provide you. Therefore, it has to be mine. If you’ll drink later, the possibility of killing donor increases, and after your speeches i highly doubt you want it. Is this sufficient enough?
- B-but i can’t just bite you! - Heinrich looked dumbstruck, as if he hadn’t ever considered the opportunity (just a normal thought process for a vampire mind you).
- Why not? - despite the situation Johann lifted up the corners of his lips. Argument seemed childish.
- You’re not a food supply!
- And what about others? - this statement left Heinrich speechless. He averted his gaze and clenched his fists, not denying the truth but not accepting it either.
Johann sighed and finally sat down, keeping a polite distance. He didn’t want to push hard, but he also didn’t have enough time for convincing. So he took out a knife.
Rich smell of fresh blood immediately gained his attention. Quickly raising his head, he found a rather horrible image: Johann with a blooded knife in right hand, while his left was bleeding out. Cry died on his lips, as his pupils dilated and fangs itched, his very instinct screaming at him to bite, tear and drink. So tempting, so hard to disobey. After all, he was a weak creature.
Johann knew that Heinrich was starving himself, but he didn’t expect such eagerness, as he latched on the offered wrist. He greedily swallowed the crimson liquid, and for a brief moment Johann felt a strong disgust. It quickly faded though uneasiness stayed present. Feeding a vampire wasn’t a particularly pleasant thing, though he knew some people found it somewhat sexual and were willing donors, especially if they were rewarded afterwards.
But looking down at Heinrich he felt only mild discomfort and a sting of pity. He held his hand tightly and sucked on the wound, preventing it from closing. Now that he has already drunk a good amount Heinrich wasn't so desperate, though still clinging on the precious source with a blissful expression on his face.
Eventually, the blood started to coagulate but it was obviously not enough.
One swift movement, and he was atop Johann, who was now pinned to the sheets by his grip. Some of his conscious has returned, though the other wanted more. It would be easy… Or so that part thought.
Of course, nothing was easy with Johann. Another moment, and they switched places, Heinrich now clawing at the sheets to prevent himself from snatching. Because the expression Johann wore was one of disappointment. And it hurt a lot more than his constant indifference.
- Are you really that hungry? - his hands were now trembling, which was a funny sensation. He might rip the sheets.
These stupid thoughts replaced ones more cruel from his mind. Those that whispered to him, begged to continue and bite at last.
- I…
He still hasn't regained enough consciousness to form sentences, especially long ones.
- Yes.
Why did he answer this? He honestly didn't know and for a second he felt horribly guilty for his mere existence. Just some predator, craving human blood.
Johann sighed, let go of his hands and slid on the other side of the bed. And started unbuttoning his shirt.
- W-what are you doing? - sounded too piteous for Heinrich taste, but he didn’t care. Johann threw a questioning glance “don't you see?”. Well, he did, but what did it mean? His mind won't cooperate so no answer yet.
He hang the shirt on the headboard and turned to Heinrich, who looked in between a kicked puppet and a really hungry vampire. He'd find it amusing, if not for the situation. And it wasn't that bad he might say: he could stop Heinrich by physical force alone without any injuries and being hissed at and so on.
Heinrich on his part was swinging at his place, impatience mixed with eagerness and something akin to guilt.
- Do you know where to bite not to bleed out a donor? - Heinrich immediately turned paler and stopped swinging.
- I do, - he whispered and hugged his knees. What a child. How could he become a part of this wretched machine was good though rhetorical question. Having uncle like this left him without choice. And his father, communist, was killed long time ago by this very machine.
- Good, - it would’ve be quite a work to teach a hungry vampire where to bite and not die in the process. - So, where? - however he wanted to be certain just in case.
- Neck, in the conjunction. Not too deep, or you’ll slice external veins, - so, he knew.
- Good. Now, do it, - he bent his head to the side. Heinrich trembled in response, not quite ready for what had to happen.
He didn't want to use the knife for the second time, especially on his neck, but if he had to…
Thankfully, he didn't. Heinrich finally moved, coming closer on his knees and hands, as if he were a predator which he in some sense was.
He, on his part, didn’t stir a single muscle as he saw the vampire approaching. Even if Heinrich would take the opportunity he still had his knife which would win enough time to neutralize his opponent.
Then, Heinrich reluctantly reached out, settling his hand on the Johann's shoulder, and without any warning bit down, tearing the skin and sucking down all the blood that poured out of the injury.
And once again the unpleasant feeling overflowed his senses. Though now it was stronger as the bite was closer to the head and so more intoxicating. His vision whirled a little and he could already feel the blood loss kicking in but stayed unmoving, letting Heinrich get all he needed.
Heinrich on his part was quietly lapping at the wound and didn't seem so desperate as he was minutes ago.
He barely noticed as time passed, lost in sensations and half-thoughts, when Heinrich extracted his fangs and licked the excesses of blood left on the skin. He then stilled, as if processing what had just happened, and sprang back so badly he nearly hit his head against the headboard.
He hid his blooded face in his hands and let out a quiet sob. He knew what he was, what he had to do in order to survive, but using his only friend as a…food source felt like crossing a line. How many of them had he already crossed, with humans and Johann in particular? Would he one day become like other reich vampires - ignorant of lives and laws?
- Heinrich, - Johann looked paler than he was half an hour ago, fresh bites on his arm and at the base of his neck and dark circles more evident. Exhausted, and all because of him. - Stop beating yourself over what you didn't choose and what was given freely.
- But… - I've hurt you. Others didn't give it freely. I'm a monster.
- Your country needs you. Your people need you, your connections and your mind. Don't you dare to waste your life, - Johann looked deadly serious, and for a moment he felt convinced of holding some worth.
Lying on the sofa, his wounds treated, and listening to Heinrich's quiet snoring, he contemplated this farce of a night.
He didn't lose that much, but he'll still need to be more careful next few weeks. At least, for now one problem was solved - Heinrich won't kill himself with bullet or hunger. Though, he'd better find him some steady source to make sure it won't happen ever, maybe lover or lovers? Not really his line of work, but it had to be done.
Anything, to keep him from falling.
Anything, to keep him alive.
All for information, of course.