Work Text:
And I wanna let you know
I wanna let you go
But I just can't bring myself to speak
But this is how it goes
The end credits, they roll
This bridge was built over kerosene
But we can watch it-
Yoongi crumbles. The soil of his grave softens his knees hitting the earth. “I didn’t want to go.” He mumbles. Spit coats the insides of his cheeks and his tongue. He gasps a breath and he chokes on it. His fingers curl in on his palms. Yoongi’s elbows curve out and he crumbles into a ball. All he can hear is Jeongguk's slurred speech, Hoseok’s gasps, and Jimin’s trembling voice. All he can feel is the grey-yellow sky stretched above them, cool dirt soaking in his tears, the silence in the graveyard.
“I don’t want to go.” He feels like a child saying it. “I want to stay.” Red buzzes against his ears and his cheeks.
Seokjin is silent behind him.
Jeongguk crawls along the dirt till he can wrap his arms around his headstone, his stupid, expensive, grey slated, headstone. “’M nat leabing hung. Never.” Yoongi watches, from the corner of his eye. Jeongguk's blurry, drifting gaze lands on Yoongi. Yoongi’s eyes widen. “Never, hyung.”
Yoongi props himself on his forearms. A wet cough racks his chest. Jimin gives up on trying to pull Jungkook off the headstone. Hoseok has wandered off to the cremated bodies, the faint trail of smoke following him. Jeongguk hums their song like a deary starling.
Yoongi reaches and his phantom, dirty hand hovers over Jeongguk's cheek. “Gukk-ah.” He kneels. He reaches with his other arm. He hovers. His chest fills with a lighter feeling. He watches the tears streak Jeongguk's face, leaving gossamer trails like snails. “Stubborn,” He huffs and he smiles. He looks down at their knees. They’re inches apart. Yoongi looks up and watches. Drinks him in. His mussed black hair, his wide, brown eyes. His lips splitting from licking them and cracking without water. The long, black overcoat drenched on an arm from soju. The small mole under his chin like the remnants of a flick of a paintbrush. A 5’oclock shadow turning over his chin and upper lip. Drinks in Jeongguk, Jeongguk , Jeongguk.
Jeongguk .
Jeongguk.
Jeongguk.
And the shade of lights filtering between the cracks of the clouds. Rainbows bursting in the dew on the grass. The smell of wet, turned dirt reminding him of small, scraped knees. The shiny, bright yellow of Jimin’s rain jacket. The smell of chimney smoke in the air. Yoongi feels a smile crack his lips. He snorts a laugh as the thought of Mary Poppins flickers like old film.
He leans forward and a simple wish shoots like a comet across his brain.
Death’s telephone chimes a tune and it layers with Jeongguk’s song.
Yoongi lays a kiss on his lover’s brow. Knocks their foreheads together. “I love you,” Yoongi sighs out everything remaining in his chest. His last breath rattles his rib cage and he sits with the Death.
He opens his eyes. Jeongguk stares up at him. Yoongi’s eyes freeze. Then they crinkle at the corners.
He presses his mouth to Jeongguk's and he stands.
Yoongi looks over at Jimin. The man is staring into his palms, face ashen. Mouth tight. Yoongi walks and stands above him. “It wasn’t your fault.” Jimin chokes and wraps his arms around his knees. “It wasn’t any one’s fault.” He breathes. Yoongi lays a hand on Jimin’s shoulder and squeezes. “Jimin-ah,” He finishes.
Yoongi wanders the graves. His feet mindful against the earth. The feet of his friend peeks out the ends of a weeping willow’s branches. The tree waves and opens to him. Hoseok stands, foot tapping, hip changing his weight between each foot. Yoongi welcomes the grey pant of cigarette smoke as it hits his face.
Yoongi comes to stand with him. He looks out where Hoseok’s gaze is fixed on. “Seok-ah. What are you doing?”
The graveyard grounds are peaceful and it’s so quiet. So still. Yoongi closes his eyes. Listens to the hushing sounds of the leaves, the wind through the branches. He opens his eyes. He looks at Hoseok, “I thought we promised you wouldn’t smoke.”
Hoseok stares harder at the leaves. His jaw is locked, a vein in his neck twitches.
Yoongi raises a hand and tussles Hoseok’s hair. “Take care of yourself.”
He puts his hands in his pockets. He turns and Death waits patiently. “Jin. I’m ready.” Seokjin smiles and turns around. He begins to walk.
Yoongi takes a step and he feels lighter. And another and his body hovers. And another and the world starts to bleed away into light. And another and his body fades, And another and he’s above. And another and he’s the air. And another and he’s a kiss of the sun. And another and-
He stops.
The light sings throughout all of himself. He stills. And he looks one last time.
At Earth. At the sky. At heartbreak. At love. At sex. At compassion. At crying. At cheating. At love. At childhoods, at resentment, at love, at humans, at animals, at plants, at magic. At wonder, at light, and laughter, and scars, at growing pains. At lifetimes, at generations, at growth. At the swinging little rock in an ever expanding Universe that so happened to align to create him, and he’s thankful.
Goodbye. And the words are a hum. A song.
Thank you.
The wind changes and the leaves gush in the air.
And all I ever wanted
Was sunlight and honesty
Highlights to wanna repeat
Let's get away from here and
Live like the movies do
I won't mind when it's over
At least I didn't think
Epilogue;
“Did you ever see anything that day?”
It’s Jeongguk who asks it, six years later. They’re in Hoseok’s roomy apartment four floors up in the sky. It’s fall and the clouds look like heavy sponges.
Hoseok looks up from his newspaper with a drawling hum, pencil between his lips. He throws the crisp pages on the desk and massages his temples.
“When?” Jimin asks with half his mouth. He fills his cup with he pitcher on the table and the ice crashes wetly. Jeongguk wrinkles his nose and wraps his fingers further around his mug.
“Yoongi hyung’s funeral.” Jeongguk tucks his knees to the side and wriggles his toes till they press against the leather seat.
Hoseok swallows as Jeongguk stares. He picks up his newspaper and clears his throat. “Ah. No.”
A hand through his hair. A whisper, a swell of music hitting his eardrums. His cigarette falling from his slack fingers. Hoseok spins. The tree sways in the wind, a spiral. He curses and stamps at the burning cigarette.
He stares at his footprint, the tobacco powdering the dirt floor. He crouches and picks up the thing. Soft dirt cakes the flattened cigarette and cakes his fingers. Hoseok looks at it and scoffs. “You bastard.”
Jeongguk looks up at Jimin then.
Jimin blinks and looks up from the ice in his cup.
He mimes throwing one at Jeongguk's head. “I didn’t see anything either. Why are you asking me?”
“Jimin-ah.”
The whisper sends a calm over his body, and he slumps forward. His lungs push all of the stale carbon dioxide into the muggy air. The faint, ghost touch on his shoulder spreads over his back and down his spine. Peace, like spring water, pools at the bottom of his stomach.
”Hyung,” He croaks.
Hoseok crosses his ankles and swings them over his desk. His body leans back in his chair till he can peer down his nose under the paper.
Jimin sets his glass down and traces the condensation with a finger. “Gukk… did you…?
Jeongguk looks out the window. He warms his hands around a mug of tea. A wind hits the trees outside and dry leaves tumble over each other. Elementary school kids shriek with joy and run amuck. The middle school kids watch with distain and envy. High schoolers drive by with their middle fingers up. A mother worries if she’ll have enough money for dinner. An old man counts the change he has in his pocket to see if he can afford the bus fare. A thirty one years old hurries home to tell his husband he got a raise. A young soul looks up in wonder at the sky. The clouds shed away from the sun like snake skin. Flowers shift to follow the Sun’s rays. The bark of a trees paints it’s shadows to look like a nightmare. Someone uses their horn. The strum of a guitar shakes the walls. A bird dives for a worm. A young person hangs their laundry. Someone curses. Someone laughs. Someone cries. Someone dies. Someone is born.
Jeongguk raises his mug.
Yoongi’s eyelashes spread across his cheeks like little arrows in a quiver. His breath puffs and the smell of his gum wafts past Jeongguk's nose. His lips part and he mouths words. And his eyes are alive. He stands.
Then disappears.
He takes a drink. It tastes like peppermint.
Jeongguk looks out the window.
He hums
a song
that everyone knows.
“I love you.”
“Thank you.”
"Hyung."
So let's run
Make a great escape
And I'll be waiting outside for the getaway
It doesn't matter who we are
We'll keep running through the dark
And all we'll ever need is another day
We can slow down cause tomorrow is a mile away
And live like shooting stars
'Cause you can wish away forever
But you'll never find a thing like today
- “End Credits” by EDEN