Chapter Text
Rey felt cold; she was drifting, floating, no longer in the Sith cave on Exogol, but it was so dark. She felt heavy, as though she was sinking lower and lower, darker and darker, as though she was being dragged down. It felt like the ominous cave she'd fallen in beneath Ahch-To. Just as cold and just as dark, but not as frightening. Somewhere between. The darkness felt like an undertow; it felt peaceful, and she didn't want to resist it. She had accomplished what she had sought to do. Darth Sidious, Palpatine, was defeated. The ancient Jedi of old had been with her, helped her after Palpatine had drained her and Ben of their combined power, and she'd dragged herself off the floor. She wished she could see her friends one last time, but it had taken what power had remained to her and the help of all the Jedi past to defeat Palpatine. She had nothing else to give.
"No, no, no, no."
She recognised that voice whispered as though far away; it stirred her from the darkness in which she drifted. A light began to fill the darkness. Her body no longer felt as though it were drifting. She could feel an ache in her muscles on the cold stone floor on which she lay. Awareness crept through her, and warmth, warmth on her stomach. She fought against the dragging darkness. The warmth on her stomach was a hand, and with all her might, she reached for it. As she touched the hand that lay upon her, she became aware of the other cradling her neck, of the strong arms holding her body. Dim blue light filled her eyes as cold, dusty air filled her lungs. She could see once more, and there was a most welcome sight before her eyes. Underneath her fingers touching his hand, their bond sparked and surged.
Rey sat upright in his arms as his face searched hers, both concerned and relieved. She was as shocked as she'd been when she'd sensed him on Exogol in the first place. When he'd stood at her side to face Sidious together, was he really here? Was this a dream? It hadn't been before, but he'd be thrown into the chasm. Had he returned once more? She searched his face. She had so many questions, but she knew the answer to the main one. She touched his jaw tentatively, his face, his hair, lingering upon his cheek as his hands held her firmly.
"Ben."
A meek smile touched the corners of his face.
It was Ben; Kylo Ren was gone, and Ben Solo was here, at her side.
Rey smiled back at him, grateful and happy. She tentatively leaned forward, then surrendered to what she'd always wanted and kissed him. As their lips met, Ben's arm held her to him, almost desperate. The kiss was sweet and gentle, and as it lingered, it deepened and said everything they had wanted to say to each other but had denied out of fear. He had always wanted her at his side as Ben Solo and as Kylo Ren. She had always wanted to join him, to take his hand, and now Ben had returned, she could. The kiss ended, and she pulled back to look at the man before her, holding her close. She'd waited so long to belong, for Ben Solo, and now he was here. They were together; they were one. She smiled at him, overjoyed, and she saw Ben laugh, a smile that lit his face up in a way she could never have imagined possible. Almost as quickly as it had happened, however, Ben's face changed, the smile faded, and the strength of his arms around her diminished.
Concern etched her face as she felt him weaken and grow cold beneath her fingers, and she tried to hold him as he fell to the ground, eyes closed, his body still. She grasped his hand tightly, the hand he'd offered to her so many times. Fingernails of fear crept into her thoughts, replacing the glow of happiness she'd momentarily felt.
"Ben? Ben?"
He seemed utterly peaceful, his body completely relaxed, but just as she had with Luke, Rey could feel what was coming before she saw it. He was fading into the Force.
"No, Ben. Ben. Stay with me. Please."
She watched in horror as Ben Solo began to disappear. His hand, which she'd been squeezing desperately, ultimately tightened around empty air as his body faded to blue starlight in front of her eyes and vanished. Rey sat undone in the dust, her hand upon his shirt, the only things that remained of him. His shirt had a hole in it, a hole she'd created after she'd wounded him with his saber. She couldn't breathe; she couldn't cry out. She just sat disbelievingly at the place where he'd lain. She looked up to the sky, desperate, as she watched the Star Destroyers fall towards the planetary surface. Surely, surely, this hadn't been the will of the Force. She allowed silent tears to trickle down her face as she reached a hand to her chest at the fresh agony residing there. Her other half in the Force was gone.
Rey was unsure how much time had passed, but the atmosphere beyond the cave in which she sat was no longer shot with electric blue light. The surface of Exogol no longer shuddered and vibrated with the explosions of the First Order ships that had impacted with the surface. She raised her tear-streaked face from her arms wrapped about her knees. Beneath Rey's entwined limbs, Ben's garments lay in the dust. Rey didn't want to leave; leaving would make everything so final, but she knew she couldn't stay here. Reluctantly, with a shudder of acceptance, she unfolded herself and began to stand. She looked back down at where he'd vanished and swept up his top, holding it to her face. Rey could smell saltwater from Kef-Bir and a pleasant musk she recognised from fighting both with him and against him upon its surface. Fresh tears threatened to rush, and she swallowed them down before collecting up the lightsabers and walking away from the rest of Ben's things. Don't look back; he's gone, she told herself.
Outside the split in the rock that housed the entrance to the underground Sith sanctum sat her X-wing, Luke's X-wing thankfully still intact and next to it was a tie fighter. Rey gulped her emotions down once more as she walked forward. She'd stolen Ben's tie fighter on Kef-Bir; to get here, he had acquired another. She went up to the ship and, within it, found some of Ben's belongings, discarded remnants of his former life as Kylo Ren, his cape and helmet. She took both, gazing for a moment into that helmet. In the past few months, this helmet had held no fear for her other than the potential conversation with the occupant within and the fear of her conflicted feelings towards the wearer. She recalled her terror the first time she'd seen it beneath the depths of Ben's cowl and the surprise she'd felt at seeing the rather unremarkable young man beneath it during her interrogation. Not a monster or some half-man half-machine monstrosity, but a sad, long-faced young man. Rey swept over the interior once more before taking all Ben's belongings into her X-wing and heading back for the Resistance base on Ajan Kloss.
As Rey entered the atmosphere and headed towards the base, she could see an array of ships positioned around the main building and a celebration amongst her friends on the ground as they greeted each other merrily. She landed and scrambled out. Was everyone OK? She'd have felt something if Chewie, Finn or Poe were hurt, wouldn't she? She spied them past a throng of resistance pilots and soldiers, cheering and embracing. Poe smiled as he spotted her, and Finn appeared overwhelmed. Seeing them made her emotions take hold once more as they rushed each other. The embrace was comforting, and Rey allowed herself to enjoy this moment with her friends; this was her found family, and it was all she had left. She was grateful she had that. She could feel Finn's hot tears on his face and hugged her friend close.
When they finally relinquished each other, Poe left to rejoice with others, and Rey found Finn giving her a steady stare.
"I felt something. Are you ok?"
What had he felt? Rey smiled and put on the facade needed before answering, "I'm fine. Truly."
After a few more confessions that nothing terrible had happened, she managed to slink off to where Maz stood by an empty bed within the compound. Rey stepped forward silently, reaching out to touch items she recognised upon the sheet covering the bed-Leia's belongings. Leia's clothes were neatly piled, and next to them was a pair of gold aurodium earrings, some gold oro-weave bracelets, and two signet rings, one with blue stones interlaced with gold the other a glittering green stone that appeared to have a star system inside it, encased with golden tentacles and a strange almost brushed bronze plaque- too heavy to be a necklace.
"She gave the last trace of her life force to bring back her son," Maz said, not looking at Rey.
"She succeeded. I saw it. Ben turned. Ben came for me; he helped me." Rey's voice started to falter, "Sacrificed himself for me, and he's gone."
"Dear child," Maz said, turning kindly to her, taking Rey's hand in her diminutive one.
"You were right; all those years ago, when you said the belonging I sought wasn't behind me, it was ahead. You were right; it was Ben. It was always Ben. My soulmate, the other half of myself. I had him just for a moment, but he's gone. They're all gone, and I'm alone."
"No one's ever really gone," Maz said comfortingly.
Rey shook her head.
"No," she paused, her emotions threatening again to overwhelm her at wanting to admit something she'd known for so long. He'd been the only one who'd know her, no matter how much she'd fought him as Kylo Ren. As Ben and Kylo, he'd wanted her and only the courage of her conviction not to turn to the dark had stopped her from accepting Kylo's pleas. "I loved him. I loved him, and I've lost him. I wanted to know my place in all this. It was with him, but he was taken from me, and nothing will fill the hole he's left behind."
Rey walked away from the bed, knowing Maz's eyes followed her to her small private tented area. Within her little shelter, Rey pored over the ancient Jedi texts, looking for something, anything. This wasn't the will of the Force. There must be something about Dyads in here. Something. She could not accept that this was the end.
"Rey?"
She slammed the book shut.
"We're going to hold a ceremony for those we've lost," Finn told her.
She nodded.
"Gonna make a big fire, say some words, well Poe is."
"I'll be there."
Rey took the helmet from where she'd hidden it beneath the cloak beneath her bunk. She would let the Galaxy know who'd saved them. He was gone, but he would not be forgotten. She would remember him, and so would everyone else. Leaving her shelter, Rey could see the flames of the great fire that had been constructed. Poe stood with Zorii, Finn with Rose, Maz with Chewie, who was now wearing the large bronze amulet she'd seen on Leia's bed; not a necklace but a medal. Rey would ask him about that sometime. Lando stood with Jannah, Connix, Beaumont, D'Arcy, Ackbar and Tyce. The fire rose high from the ground up amongst the trees, a burning flame burning bright as memory. A crowd of Resistance fighters, pilots, engineers, technicians, and volunteers who'd heard their call to rise were gathered around the fire. Rey stood alone, clutching the helmet tightly to her. Poe stepped forward.
"The war is finally over; we have all lost people we loved. We now commemorate everyone who gave their lives for peace. They are gone, but they are not forgotten. Admiral Holdo, Snap Wexley," Poe said before he stepped back.
"Admiral Ackbar," Colonel Ackbar stated.
"Han Solo," Lando stated, and next to him, Chewie howled.
"General Organa, Princess Leia," Rose said as Finn squeezed her hand.
"Luke Skywalker," Maz said as she turned to Rey.
Rey clutched the helmet close to her chest. All eyes watched her, confused, as she stepped forward with the helmet, a helmet whose owner was well-known to belong to the leader of the First Order, the Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, the enemy. Rey focused on the helmet rather than the confused looks and questioning stares, placing it within the flames. She watched the angry red scars upon it flare as the helmet began to fall apart.
"Kylo Ren, Ben Solo," she stated as she stepped back. She heard the gasps of those who hadn't known that Han and Leia's son was the leader of the enemy, and she ignored the looks, the whispers. She blocked it all out as she focused on the helmet's chrome lines as they melted in the fire. She didn't notice the crackling flames silencing, the noises of those around her, the sounds of the jungle muffling to nothing. What she noticed was what she heard after.
Rey
It was only a whisper, but she knew she'd heard it. It was his voice. Ben's. She didn't imagine it. Her head spun to the side, but the sound of the fire returned, and whatever moment she'd experienced within the Force was gone.
Poe turned back to the crowd, thankfully without comment regarding Rey's actions.
"May the Force be with them, always."
"Always!" the gathered crowd responded.
"Rey?"
This time, it was a physical person saying her name to her side, and Rey turned to see Finn standing next to her, concern and questions etched upon his face. He searched for an answer, expecting some sort of reasoning, but she gave him none.
"What happened? With Kylo? To you? Tell me."
She looked at her friend; she'd told him her fears previously of joining Kylo, sitting upon his throne ruling together, but what had happened between them she couldn't share, not with Finn, he wouldn't understand. Perhaps she could share an element of the truth, though.
"He turned. After our fight on Kef-Bir. I mortally wounded him, and then I saved him. I fled, and he turned. He came for me, on Exegol, fought Palpatine with me, then," she inhaled to centre herself, "I died, and he saved me. He gave his life to bring me back. And now he's gone."
"You died! I knew I felt something," Finn exclaimed.
Rey grimaced. She had glossed over that bit, and, of course, that would be the information Finn would be most alarmed by.
"But you're ok, he brought you back, and you're ok?" Finn asked, gripping her by her shoulders and searching for signs of injury or mental trauma.
He didn't understand. How could he? She'd spoken of her bond with Kylo, their link in the Force, and the danger it presented. She hadn't told him about her connection with Ben, how she felt conflicted, how he'd offered his hand to her and how she'd wanted to take it.
"Yes, yes, I'm ok." Rey lied with a smile.
Relief swept across Finn's face; he was easy to deceive.
"Good."