cut and rewind (why can't you be mine?)

by jenkook

Summary:

In a series of unfortunate events, Sehun becomes superstar Kim Junmyeon's personal assistant. While his new employer is amicable enough, Sehun can't find it in his heart to warm up to him. And Jumyeon can't understand why his snarky assistant seems to hate him so.

Chapter 1: Chapter One

Sehun has a degree, believe it or not.

It's in choreography, which when he tells most people they turn up their nose and feel their respect for him slip, but he studied at university for four years and put his blood, sweat, tears (and many fractured bones) into it. Regardless of what people think, he's proud of himself. He's never been an academic person, so to sustain the grades to get accepted into university on a scholarship was miracle enough. Looking back, he supposes he shouldn't have believed his luck would never run out.

The thing is, is that there isn't a huge demand for choreographers. You're either an established choreographer who works for the stars or you're no one. Unfortunately, Sehun happens to fall into the latter category.

He had a job, if only for a few months. He led a dancing class at the local youth centre which he loved, and he was heartbroken when the manager of the centre told him they were making cutbacks so they would have to cancel his classes. Sehun did his upmost best to protest, hell he even offered to work for free which is very unlike him, but the decision among the board was unanimous: he had to go.

That was about a year ago. Since then he has had a string of unsuccessful jobs; a clothing attendant at H&M, a waiter (which he particularly despised) a sales assistant at a jewellery store and his most recent employment was in the coffee shop on the high street. As soon as he put the apron on, Sehun knew he wasn't cut out to be a barista but he gritted his teeth and persevered- he had bills and student loans to pay off- but it wasn't meant to be. His short stint at Bean & Brew ended with him tossing his balled up apron at his co-worker Becky (who he really despised) calling her a bitch and then storming out of the door whilst flipping the bird.

When he told his mother he was between jobs on their weekly FaceTime calls, the pinched expression Sehun has become so familiar with crossed her face, she sighed in resignation and told him to start looking for another occupation.

He knew what she was really thinking, because he was thinking it too: you should've been an accountant.

***

Kyungsoo is round again.

Despite whatever misgivings Sehun may have had about him in the beginning, he likes the guy. They've only known each other for a year, but he thinks that's long enough to decide your opinion on someone. Kyungsoo is okay, as far as people go.

He is also Sehun's roommate and best friend Jongin's boyfriend.

Sehun has never inquired as to how they met, he's never really cared enough. All he remembers is laying on the couch one night and Jongin coming in with his arms around the shorter boy's shoulders. Sehun's first- and usually trustworthy- first impression was: he's a dick. Kyungoo was stony-faced, stiffly shook his hand, barely spoke two words to him and fixed him with a glare that made the hair on the back of Sehun's neck stand up. It took the younger boy a while to realise that Kyungsoo wasn't, in fact, stuck up- just cripplingly shy.

Which is weird, considering Kyungsoo is a fucking movie star, of all things.

To this day, Sehun wonders what he saw in his best friend that he didn't see in the countless stars in the industry. Then he remembers why he still harbours a slither of hatred for the boy, because Sehun used to be in love with Jongin in high school when they first met and has kind of never gotten over it.

Festering feelings and unrequited love aside, the guy is fine.

It's always awkward when Kyungsoo comes round because Jongin desperately tries to vie his time between the two of them so neither one feels left out. The grown-up, mature side of Sehun knows this is ridiculous because how can he begrudge his best friend quality time with his boyfriend who he rarely gets to see outside of his busy schedule? Whereas the bratty side of Sehun sometimes enjoys muscling in on their time together.

Sehun doesn't understand why he always crashes at their shitty apartment when he owns a fucking townhouse in the rich part of the city.

Tonight, Kyungsoo cooked dinner instead of ordering takeout like he always does. He told them he's been really invested in cooking lately, between demanding hours on set and balancing his private life. Although he doesn't say it, it's actually the best meal Sehun has ever tasted. Of course he can't let Kyungsoo have this satisfaction.

Afterwards, they sit in the lounge and Jongin puts a movie on. He and Kyungsoo sit at one end of the sofa with a blanket, meanwhile Sehun sits alone at the other end. Once Jongin asked if he wanted to cuddle with them which was enough to make both Sehun and Kyungsoo retch and shake their heads violently. Jongin would never outwardly vocalise it, but Sehun knows he pities him for not having a boyfriend. Hell, Sehun pities himself.

It's not like it's for a lack of trying. Sehun has been on plenty of dates, they just never seem to develop past the first date stage. He's had Tinder on his phone for a while, occasionally swiping through it when he's bored, but it's lost the excitement from when he first downloaded it and realised he had an endless supply of booty calls at his fingertips.

He's been there, done that. Whenever he looks over at the couple, he feels a tug of longing in his chest. He wants what they have; completion, adoration. Sehun finds himself wondering what it must feel like to look at someone and know they are the other half of your soul.

His other best friend, Baekhyun, has tried to set him up with countless guys before, because Baekhyun is the kind of person who knows everyone. After his latest failed date last week, his best friend had thrown his hands up in despair and said, "Well maybe you're just unloveable."

While Sehun brushed it off with a scoff and an eye roll, the thought terrified him. He knows he plays up on his cold demeanour and snarky attitude, but he possesses a heart underneath it all. He's fiercely loyal to those he loves and has always dreamed about one day sharing the same sentiment with another half.

He really tries not to stare at his roommate and his boyfriend, who have now begun whispering and gently caressing each other. Sehun turns his head away, burning with shame.

A while later, Jongin goes into the kitchen to make them all tea. This is something he does every night before bed. Usually Sehun doesn't drink it, unless Jongin specifically offers to make him some. Of course he would never turn down anything Jongin offered him.

In his absence, an awkward silence settles over Sehun and Kyungsoo. They have only had a few conversations on their own before, and apart from knowing Jongin, they have little in common. Sehun doesn't know if Kyungsoo has guessed the true extent of his feelings for his roommate, even if he had the older boy would never utter a word. Although, when he feels like it he can be utterly unbearable to the extent Sehun wants to rip his head from his shoulders, Kyungsoo would never humiliate him like that. He knows it would only ruin Jongin and Sehun's friendship, which for the sake of his boyfriend, he would never do.

"How's your job hunt going?" The older boy asks, picking his nails and looking utterly disinterested. Sehun wishes he hadn't bothered saying anything. Conversing with him takes up far too much energy.

He lifts one shoulder up in a shrug. "It's going."

Kyungsoo's lips tug into a smirk. "You're still leeching off your parents, then?"

"Fuck off."

Kyungsoo chuckles. He takes Sehun's rudeness in his stride a lot better than most people, which is actually a blessing. Jongin would only be torn choosing between the two of them if they didn't get along.

On cue, Jongin returns to the lounge carrying a tray laden down with tea and snacks he lovingly prepared for them. Kyungsoo leans up to kiss him on the cheek and Sehun averts his gaze, feeling like he is intruding on a private moment. Already he has overstayed his welcome. Perhaps if he focuses on drinking his tea it will ease his awkwardness.

"I was just asking Sehun about whether he's gotten any further looking for a job," remarks Kyungsoo, glancing over at the Sehun. Annoyingly, he has a mischievous glint in his eye. The younger boy stiffens, wondering what the hell is going to come next.

Jongin's face softens in sympathy. "It's been really tough for him."

Kyungsoo smirks, and it takes all of Sehun's self-government not to reach across the sofa and beat him around the head. The older boy is obviously plotting something. As to what, however, Sehun remains completely oblivious.

"You know, I was talking to one of my friends and he mentioned something that I think would interest Sehun."

The younger boy's head snaps up involuntarily as he narrows his eyes in suspicion.

"He knows someone who is in need of a personal assistant. Like, desperately. They're not even putting advertisements out, it's a first come first served thing."

Sehun scoffs. "Nice try. I'm not being anyone's servant."

"No, hang on, Sehun," frowns Jongin, looking attentive. Sehun rolls his eyes and throws his head back in exasperation. "Who needs a personal assistant? Some guy in an office?"

Kyungsoo's eyes light up and Sehun just knows the prick has been waiting to drop whatever bomb is coming next.

"Not exactly..." he says, cryptically. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you, but it's Kim Junmyeon."

Jongin gasps, smacking his boyfriend's shoulder. "You're shitting me?"

Sehun stares blankly at them, drawing a blank. "Who the hell is Kim Junmyeon?"

At this, Jongin looks affronted, like Sehun has just insulted mortally offended his mother or something. Completely overdramatic, which is just so him.

"He's a really famous actor! He's been in musicals and loads of dramas."

"You know I don't watch that crap."

"Yeah, but... still!" Jongin waves his hands for emphasis. "You should've at least heard of him. Are you sure he needs a personal assistant, Soo?"

"Yeah. He's getting desperate because he's due to start in this new musical soon."

Sehun heaves a sigh and begins to stand up. He knows this is the perfect time to take his leave. "Well, I wish the guy the best of luck, but unfortunately I'm not prepared to spend my days fetching him coffee and massaging his feet- or whatever the hell personal assistants do."

Jongin lunges across the sofa, grabbing his arm and pulling him back down with surprising strength. "Think about it, Sehun, you need this job! The opportunity has just been handed to you- it's perfect! I won't let you turn this down, it's a one in a million opportunity."

If it were anyone else, Sehun would yank himself free and tell them that nobody tells him what to do, and shove his concern up their ass. But, because it's Jongin, Sehun knows he has to listen to him. Partly because he wants to please him, but also because he has an annoying habit of always being right.

"Fine!" Sehun throws his hands up in defeat. "Whatever. I guess I'll give it a try. What's his number?"

Kyungsoo snorts. "Do you think I'm allowed to give out that kind of information? I can give you his manager's number, though."

"Fine, fine. Whatever."

Sehun holds his hand out impatiently while Kyungsoo finds a pen and paper and scribbles down his mysterious friend's phone number. He slaps it on Sehun's palm with a smirk that Jongin somehow manages to miss. He's too busy scrolling through Netflix trying to find one of Kim Junmyeon's dramas to watch. Sehun leaves before he can get roped into this torture. If he's going to be working for the guy, he doesn't want to suffer through watching him on TV too.

As he gets ready for bed, he tries to rationalise it. If he does in fact ring the guy Kyungsoo told him about, it's unlikely he'd get the job anyway, no matter how desperate Kim Junmyeon is. They wouldn't partner Sehun, with no experience in this field, with a seasoned celebrity. He'd only fuck up and end up getting fired on the first day. Perhaps if Sehun leaves it a couple of days someone else will apply for the job, so he can tell Jongin that at least he tried but someone got there before him.

This is exactly what he will do. And then no more will ever be mentioned about it.

***

Over the weekend, Sehun mulls over when the best time to ring this number will be. He slobs around the apartment all Saturday and then goes clubbing with Baekhyun and Chanyeol. On Sunday, he's in bed all day nursing a hangover and doesn't get in the shower until nine pm. That leaves Monday. Sehun feels like he has sufficiently let it fester for long enough. So when he waves Jongin off to work on Monday morning, he heads into his bedroom and psychs himself up to actually dial the number.

It rings for so long that Sehun feels relieved that nobody is going to answer. Just as his thumb is hovering over the red disconnect button, an unfamiliar voice crackles through the speaker.

"This is Kim Jongdae. May I ask who's calling?"

Gulp.

Part of Sehun wonders whether it's wise to abruptly hang up and pretend he was a random cold call. Then, Jongin's words ring in his mind. Squeezing his eyes shut, he forces the words out.

"Hello, I'm calling about the position to be Kim Junmyeon's personal assistant."

"Who is this?" The man's suspicion is palpable even through the phone.

"Oh Sehun. I was told by Do Kyungsoo about the job."

There's a brief pause. "Kyungsoo, huh? And what exactly did he say?"

"That Kim Junmyeon desperately needed an assistant because he was due to start a musical soon."

"Hm... All right," Jongdae still sounds skeptical, which pisses Sehun off. "I'll text you my email address and you can send your application. I'll reply to you as soon as I can. You may be required to send proof of identification, though I assume you can stretch to that, yes?"

"Um... yes."

"Excellent. I look forward to hearing from you Oh Sehun."

Just like that, Jongdae hangs up, leaving Sehun feeling wrong-footed. He has to stare at his phone for a few moments to ensure that, no, he didn't just dream that conversation. He thought it would be a lot more arduous process than a brief phone call. However, Jongdae gave him his instructions so Sehun switches on his laptop and gets to work at digging out his CV from the hundreds of unnamed folders on his device.

By the time Jongin gets back from work, Sehun has just about finished drafting it. He asks his friend to give it the once over, and he reassures him it's perfect while clapping him excitedly on the shoulders. He tells Sehun he can't believe he's going to work for the Kim Junmyeon, to which Sehun replies with an eye roll and tells him he hasn't even sent his application off yet and to not get so excited.

Though, in the back of their minds, they know that Kyungsoo's name carries a lot of weight in the industry, so there is a high possibility Sehun will get the job despite his bitter protests.

He sends his application off at seven pm, not hearing back from Jongdae until the next morning. Apparently, he's very impressed (as to why, Sehun can't fathom. Probably more so that he's acquainted with Kyungsoo, not by his actual application) and asks if Sehun can come in for an interview on Friday. After sending Jongdae proof of his passport and drivers license, Sehun says he can make it.

Jongin is so ecstatic when Sehun tells him that he calls Kyungsoo up straight away and thanks him. For an awful moment, Sehun thinks Jongin is going to force him to thank Kyungsoo himself but luckily he doesn't. He knows Kyungsoo didn't do this because his heart was in the right place, he did it to get at Sehun. He's not entirely sure why, considering he always thought they got along perfectly well. The older boy is particularly hard to read, so perhaps Sehun got his wires completely crossed. It wouldn't be the first time.

The next two days are agonisingly slow, but eventually Friday rolls around and Sehun, surprisingly, feels ready. He's tired of waiting now, he just wants it to be over so he can know whether he needs to start hunting for yet another job.

He's awake at dawn. He tells himself this isn't because of nerves but deep down he's painfully aware he's lying. He lays in bed for a few hours, alternating between staring at the ceiling and his phone. When he hears Jongin stirring in his bedroom getting ready for work, this is when he gets up too.

Jongin offers to make him breakfast but Sehun politely declines, heading straight to the coffee percolator to make himself some black coffee. He needs all the caffeine he can get. Something tells him it's going to be a long day.

The interview is at nine, which gives him an hour and fifteen minutes to kill. Sehun showers and shaves (even though he doesn't really need to, he's never so much as grown one follicle of stubble before but the motion helps him feel more manly, more in control) dresses in his smartest shirt and trousers with a matching blazer, sprays himself with cologne and slicks his hair back into a side parting with gel. Looking at his sharp, cold features and the suit pressed to perfection- Sehun certainly looks the part. He looks expensive. Professional. Like he should be the one conducting the job interview.

Staring at his reflection causes his confidence to skyrocket. He's got this in the bag. And if for some reason he doesn't get the job, he will simply refuse to leave until Jongdae offers it to him.

Seeing as Sehun despises the subway- hates the awkwardness of being crammed elbow to elbow with strangers who more often than not smell- he takes his car instead. Technically, he couldn't afford his car, but he was so sick of standing on the train and feeling faint from the smell of B.O. that he emptied what was left of his savings to buy it. It's a simple Kia, and it pales in comparison to the Audi RS7 he has had his eye on for an eternity- but Sehun has learnt the hard way that beggars can't be choosers.

He makes it to the office building with over ten minutes to spare. As he takes in the immense glass skyscraper in front of him, he idly wonders whether he will meet Kim Junmyeon today or at a later date.

Because he's going to get that job, even if it kills him.

In Jongdae's emails, he told Sehun to take the elevator up to the tenth floor and sit in the waiting room until he was summoned. Confidently, Sehun rolls his shoulders back as he pushes open the glass doors leading to the lobby. Instead of introducing himself to the receptionist, who watches him in confusion, he heads straight over to the elevator and mashes the button with the number 10 on it, ignoring the people who are hurrying to try and join him. Thankfully, the metal doors slide shut just in time. That's a relief. One of Sehun's biggest fears is being trapped in an elevator full of strangers. Especially disgruntled office workers.

Sehun is aware of how cocky he looks to onlookers, striding through the building like he owns the place, his earbuds firmly in his ears as he listens to music, looking thoroughly bored with the whole idea- but that's the whole point. Sehun has found throughout life that if you pretend to be emotionless, then your true emotions will slowly ebb away too.

A therapist would probably say it's one of Sehun's defence mechanisms, a safety net he has held onto as a result of being hurt in the past. Sehun would probably say that's bullshit.

He introduces himself to the woman behind the desk on the tenth floor, informing her he's here to meet Kim Jongdae. After tapping on her computer for a few seconds, she motions for him to take a seat. Giving her a small nod, he takes himself over to the furthest chair in the corner, narrowing his eyes and focusing his gaze out of the glass wall in front of him.

From this height, Sehun can practically see the whole expanse of city. He's never seen it from this angle before, and the place he has grown to hate over the past few years suddenly looks more beautiful than he could ever have imagined it. It's a strange revelation, one that sits uneasily in his stomach.

"Oh Sehun?"

Sehun snaps his head up to see a smartly-dressed man towering above him. Judging by the aura he exudes- full of his own self-importance- Sehun guesses this must be the infamous Kim Jongdae. He pulls himself out of his chair and holds his hand out to shake with his maybe future employer, but Jongdae ignores it, beckoning him to follow with a crooked finger.

He's lead into a spacious but minimalistic office, all beige walls and leather upholstery. The crowning feature of the room is the floor-to-ceiling wall that has a breathtaking view of the city. Sehun tries his hardest to not let himself be distracted by it.

"It's good to finally meet you, Mr Oh," Jongdae eases himself into a high-back leather chair. It creaks and sounds like a fart. Sehun chokes back a laugh, passing it off as a cough.

"Likewise, Mr Kim," Sehun nods, trying to blink the tears out of his eyes.

"I must say, I was impressed that you know Kyungsoo. I didn't know he associated himself with... your type of circle." Jongdae's lip curls up, and it's not entirely nicely.

Sehun prickles at this statement, but is intuitive enough to know when to keep his mouth shut.

I wonder if you know Kyungsoo is boning my nobody post-graduate roommate. I wonder if you know what it's like to be woken up by Kyungsoo moaning at three am, and passing him the next morning and seeing he still has cum on his chest. I wonder, Mr Kim Jongdae...

Sehun flashes a false smile he doesn't even try to rectify to look genuine.

"I called him straightaway, you understand, just to vouch for you; and I must say, I've never heard him speak so highly of someone before."

At this, Sehun is genuinely perplexed. "He did?"

"Yes. I was confused at first, but then I looked at your résumé and found myself impressed too. You have experience in all fields, it seems."

"Yeah, I guess you could say that."

Why doesn't this feel like a proper job interview? It feels like the beginnings of a cheesy porno. In a minute Jongdae will tell him he has to work for the position and bend him over the desk... Oh no, now Sehun can't get the joke out of his mind. He presses his lips together so no stray giggles can come out, but it's a real task. He's trying to imagine someone as stuffy as Jongdae even having sex. Oh God, that's made the image even worse. Ew, ew, ew, get out.

"Sehun?"

"Sorry," the younger man jumps slightly, not realising he was so spaced out. "What did you say, Mr Kim?"

"I asked you to tell me why you think you deserve this position." Jongdae arches an eyebrow.

Sehun's got this. He's been practising for these questions with Jongin all week.

"Well, I'm professional, conscientious and a highly-organised person who has a passion for my work. So, I take the responsibilities of my role seriously. So, I very much enjoy being the person who has the responsibility of organising and planning things for my employer."

Jongdae leans forward and looks at Sehun's lap, causing him to shy away.

"Sorry. Just checking whether you were reading off of a cue card."

"Did my answer impress you that much, Mr Kim?"

Jongdae can't help himself, he laughs. "I commend your memory retention. How else are you going to sell yourself to me?"

"I am a positive person who will not crumble under pressure and am able to plan, multi-task and organise my work in accordance with strict timescales." 

The interviewer leans back in his chair, steepling his fingers in consideration. He surveys Sehun with narrowed eyes, to which the younger boy coolly meets his gaze. If he's trying to unnerve him, it's not going to work. Sehun was hit by an old white lady's handbag when he worked in H&M and was subsequently fired for allegedly disrespecting her. This is child's play. 

"You know what, Sehun, I don't know why, but I like you. I think Junmyeon will too. Screw it; you're hired."

Sehun didn't realise how tense he was until his whole body deflates in relief. He had no idea the interview meant so much to him.

He stands up, and finally, Jongdae accepts his handshake.

"Thank you, Mr Kim. I can't promise I won't let you down because I'll probably mix up his coffee orders on day one or something, but I'm grateful for the opportunity." 

Jongdae chuckles. "Maybe it's because he's my friend and I want to see him sweat a bit, but he's certainly going to have his hands full with you. Be here on Sunday at eight am."

"Are you a man of the Lord, Mr Kim? Are you aware that's the day of rest?"

"For mega-stars like Junmyeon, there is no day of rest," Jongdae tells him wryly. "Nor for personal assistants. It could be worse, I could make you sit through the whole seven am meeting. Or maybe you'd prefer that?"

Sehun blanches. "I'll be here at eight am on the dot, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. Should I bring anything to make a good impression? Coffee? Donuts? Roses to scatter adoringly at his feet?"

"Get out of here, Mr Oh, before I call security." But Jongdae is laughing. Actually laughing! What a result! "I will forewarn Junmyeon about your smart tongue. But go easy on him, he's quite an easy target."

Whatever the hell that means.

***

Before Jongin is even properly through the door, he trips over his shoes which he is hurriedly kicking off and explodes into the lounge, with the force of a small hurricane.

"I ran all the way from the subway station," he pants, leaning against the wall to catch his breath. Sehun raises his eyebrows at him from the sofa. "How did it go? Did you get the job?"

Sehun turns his head, fixing his gaze onto the ground. "I... No. Apparently I didn't have enough experience. Kyungsoo put a good word in for me, though."

Jongin's face crumples. He catapults himself over the back of the sofa, practically landing in Sehun's lap. Not that the younger boy is complaining. Especially not when Jongin engulfs him in such a tight hug he can feel his heartbeat on his cheek.

Jongin smoothes his hair and starts a spiel about how maybe it didn't work out this time, but it surely will next time. He tells him he didn't think the job was practical anyway, deep down he reckoned Sehun wouldn't get it because of his lack of experience.

Sehun pulls away, feeling guilty at being held by Jongin for too long.

"I'm joking by the way. Of course I got the job."

Jongin freezes momentarily, realisation dawning on his countenance. In a flash, he's picked up one of the throw cushions and begins beating his best friend with it. Sehun submits and curls into a ball, laughing loudly and carefree. It's been so long since him and Jongin have acted like this that he allows himself a few moments to bask in it, his heart soaring.

"You're so cruel, Sehun!" Exclaims Jongin, collapsing back onto the sofa in a sweaty heap. Sehun resists the urge to straddle him.

"I'm sorry!" Sehun gasps, out of breath from their tussle. "I'll make you ramen?"

Jongin agrees enthusiastically. After all, he's a very forgiving person.

Notes:

this is my first exo fanfic so please bear with me! i'm trying to add a bit of humour to the story but as you can probably tell i am not a funny person lol

title taken from 'love foolish' by twice. i think the song perfectly describes their relationship :)

Chapter 2: Chapter Two

Somehow, word gets out and Baekhyun finds out about Sehun's new job. Sehun swears he was going to tell his friend eventually, just not anytime soon. The last thing he wants is his friends poking their noses in, especially once they find out who Sehun is supposed to be working for.

Sehun is lounging in bed on Saturday morning, doing the rounds of social media. He's just logged out of Instagram and is about to head onto Twitter, which will undoubtedly provide him with hours of entertainment. By the time he's finished, Jongin will hopefully be back from his date with Kyungsoo and they can make dinner together (rather, Jongin can cook while Sehun supervises.)

When the call from Baekhyun registers, Sehun declines it without hesitation. He's probably calling him about some hook-up last night and wondering the best way to get whatever guy he's laid next to out of his house. Sehun has fallen prey to this far too many times. He'll just have to call Chanyeol or someone who actually cares.

Baekhyun calls a few more times, to which Sehun responds by hanging up. By now he's curious as to his friend's intent, but he refuses to let him win. He's going to maintain a frosty pretence for as long as possible. His friend will probably dispose of his hook-up and then storm over to Sehun's apartment.

Baekyuck: i can see you retweeting on twitter

Baekyuck: you little shit

Baekyuck: pick up NOW

So Sehun calls.

"This is under duress, by the way," is the first thing he greets his friend with.

Baekhyun ignores him. "I hear a congratulations are in order. You're finally employed. Congratulations, Princess! Now you're the same as the rest of us mere mortals."

Sehun frowns. "Where did you hear that? I specifically didn't tell you for a reason."

"Word gets around fast," is all Baekhyun replies mysteriously. Sehun doesn't bother questioning it further. He's too tired. "Here's what I'm thinking; me, you, Chanyeol, a club, a bottle of champagne and as many shots as we can get you to drink until you blackout."

"As fun as that sounds, I can't. I start early tomorrow morning. Feel free to blackout in my absence though."

Sehun is about to disconnect the call when Baekhyun's babbling garners his attention. Truthfully, he would like to go out; and in any other circumstance he would have accepted without second thought. Why couldn't Jongdae have summoned him on Monday like a normal person?

"No, no, hang on. You can still come out  for a few drinks, right? Okay, you don't have to get blackout but you've still got to celebrate, Sehun! This is huge!"

Sehun taps his chin in thought. A few drinks won't hurt. It's a Saturday night, after all, and Baekhyun is right; this is kinda huge. Even though Sehun doesn't know Kim Junmyeon, enough people do for him to realise this is a big deal. Surely his new boss wouldn't begrudge him the opportunity of a celebration? Hell, Junmyeon is probably a party animal in his free time; most celebrities are.

"Okay." Sehun tries not to sound too eager. "I'll come. But you're buying the champagne."

"Wait, I didn't agree to-"

But Sehun has hung up.

***

Jongin comes home laden down with groceries, only to find Sehun isn't waiting in the kitchen like he promised he'd be. Frowning, Jongin pushes into the bathroom where he can hear the shower squeaking. The door on the lock was broken when they moved in but there has never been any cause for privacy between them.

Sehun is hidden behind the frosted glass of the shower, so Jongin raps his knuckles against it to garner his best friend's attention. Sehun peeps out, black hair stuck to his face in wet strands. Jongin brushes them away carelessly.

"Going somewhere?"

"Out with Baekhyun. You should come too."

Jongin leans against the condensed tile wall. The steam in the bathroom is so thick he feels like he's choking on it. Sehun always has his showers so hot that the water could peel your skin right off the bone.

"Hm... I don't know... Don't you have work in the morning?"

"It's fine. I'll be home before midnight."

"Maybe I'll invite Soo round instead."

Sehun is glad that the glass partition hides his irritation. Him and Jongin haven't been partying for ages, Sehun wouldn't directly say not since he started dating Kyungsoo, but...

"Okay. Whatever."

"Sehun." Jongin's face falls. "Don't be mad at me. I'm just really tired tonight. I hope you have fun, though. Want me to make dinner before you go?"

A knife twists in Sehun's heart. Maybe he's still more in love with Jongin than he realised.

"I'll make it. You've had a long day."

Jongin smiles dryly. "No offence, but I don't want to eat ramen again. Leave it to me."

***

The club is packed by the time they arrive. Baekhyun strides in like he owns the place, but considering the amount of time he spends in here, it's fair to say he practically does. Chanyeol holds the door open for Sehun, bowing low and addressing him as 'Your Majesty.' Sehun shoves him so hard he falls back out of the club and the bouncer has to let him back in again.

The trio first found this place on one of their regular club crawls in college. None of them are sure how they stumbled across the place that fateful night (and stumble they did, they were so drunk they could barely stand) but they've never gone anywhere else ever since. They'll be investing stocks in the place soon.

Baekhyun goes to the bar to get them a bottle of champagne while the younger go find a booth. Not many people are sat down, they're already swarming the dance floor; but the night is still young, there will be plenty of time to dance later. Right now, the boys want to hear about Sehun's new employment, because of course Baekhyun blabbed to Chanyeol straightaway.

"I can't believe you're going to be working for Kim Junmyeon," Chanyeol expresses, whilst filling their glasses. "I went to my grandmother's house the other night and she was watching one of his dramas. It's crazy."

"That tells me all I need to know about his dramas."

Chanyeol's eyes widen. "You mean you've never seen them?"

Sehun shrugs. "I'd never even heard of him until Jongin and Kyungsoo told me."

"Do you live under a rock?" Baekhyun gapes. "How have you not seen him on social media? He's everywhere! Not that I mind, he's really hot."

"Yeah," Chanyeol agrees with a vigorous nod. "He's sexy. But cute at the same time. Like, you want to do undo his zipper with your teeth but also introduce him to your family at Christmas."

"Before you even ask; no, I'm not going to help you bone my boss."

"I wasn't suggesting that!" Exclaims Chanyeol, yet he looks slightly crestfallen.

"So you're meeting him tomorrow? Are you nervous?"

"Not really."

Sehun isn't the type to get nervous, he has enough confidence to bluff it even if he is. Because he doesn't hold Junmyeon in the same revere as everyone else does- doesn't worship him- he doesn't feel intimidated. After all, he's just going to be a regular guy; he just happens to live in the spotlight. And if he turns out to be some kind of asshole, Sehun is certain he can hold his own. So, no, he's not nervous. Yet there's no point in telling his friends this, they'll just think he's lying to preserve himself.

After a few more glasses of champagne, they head to the dance floor. This is the last place they'll probably see one another, because they all have a bad habit of splintering away. Baekhyun and Chanyeol will dance the most attractive guys they can find while Sehun will bluff attraction to someone for one night and then leave them at closing time and never see them again.

It doesn't take him long to lock eyes with his first target. Even in the dark, obscured by strobe lights, Sehun can tell the man is older; but this is how he prefers his men. (Apart from Jongin, but he's trying not to think about his best friend who will no doubt be with his boyfriend at this current moment in time.)

Sehun quirks his eyebrow at him slightly once they've held each other's gaze for a few moments, before turning away and joining a large group of people dancing behind him. As expected, it's only minutes before he feels a tap on his shoulder. 

"Hey," the man greets him. The lights bounce off of his veneers. "Can I get you a drink?"

"I'll have what you're having." Sehun tries to keep his voice flat and disinterested. In his experience, he's learned that this is how you hook your prey; treat them mean, keep them keen, after all.

The man will probably spend the remainder of the night grovelling for Sehun's approval in hopes he'll allow himself to be taken home. Sehun will use the guy for a few free drinks before he gets bored and tries to ensnare someone more interesting.

He comes back with two vodka and cokes. Not Sehun's preferred drink of choice, but he'll take it. As long as he's not paying, he doesn't care. He learnt long ago not to bring money to the club with him, the majority of his drinks get paid for by others. He'll always be thankful Baekhyun taught him this trick.

Once Sehun can feel the steady buzz of alcohol in his veins, he starts warming up to the stranger. They don't exchange names but that doesn't matter- Sehun hardly ever does. Under any other circumstance, he might be persuaded to go back to his place for the night but the knowledge that he has work in- how many hours is it now?- the morning deters him. Chanyeol got fired from his last job for turning up hungover so Sehun doesn't want to risk it.

"You should come back to my place," the man propositions eventually, his breath hot against the shell of Sehun's ear.

"I can't. I have work." For the first time ever, Sehun doesn't actually have to lie. It feels liberating. He should tell the truth more often.

"Come on," the man wheedles. "It's last call anyway."

This catches Sehun's attention. "Wait, what?"

He glances at his phone and holy crap its three am. Sehun has work in five hours.

He's meeting Kim Junmyeon, his boss, in five hours and he's only just realised he's drunk.

Sehun pushes out of the club without a second glance, stumbling onto the sidewalk and gulping as much cold air as he can. It feels like a slap in the face and it sends him reeling, something about the cold always manages to make you feel even more inebriated. He leans back against the wall with a groan, trying to ease his racing heart.

Originally, he was meant to share an Uber back with Baekhyun and Chanyeol (that's what they promised, anyway) but it appears he'll be going home alone tonight. His friends probably left the club hours ago without him realising. Damn him and his ability to get so easily distracted.

He sits in the back of the car swallowing down vomit. How could he be so careless? Despite projecting the illusion he doesn't care about his new job, he really, really does. He can't believe how lucky he's been, with everything that's happened in the past, he knows he can't throw away this opportunity. Not only would he be heartbroken, but he'd also be letting his family down, and, perhaps most importantly, Jongin.

Sehun breathes in tightly through his nose. It will be fine. If it's not, then.... Well, Sehun has always been a good actor.

***

Sehun is running on three hours sleep but it's okay. Adrenaline and the alcohol lingering in his blood system is enough to fuel him. As soon as he falls out of bed, the vodka and whiskey (who even allowed him to take shots?) hits him with the force of an eighteen-wheeler. He sprawls on the floor for a few moments, watching the contours of his bedroom waver and spin before his very eyes, before hauling himself upright and getting in the shower.

He drinks his coffee black and scalding from his flask in the shower, trying to wash his body as well as simultaneously trying to sober up. Maybe if he takes a few Advil he'll gain some balance. He knows he should eat to help soak up the alcohol but he feels so nauseous he'd only vomit down the shower drain.

Once scrubbed clean of last night's misdemeanours, Sehun starts to properly get ready. He sacrificed sleep for the sake of his appearance, so if he doesn't get at least one compliment he will lose it.

Sehun manages to leave in time, which must be a miracle. At first he's conflicted about whether to drive in his current state, but taking the subway will definitely make him puke, so he opts to just drive carefully.

He manages to arrive on time, though the building is much quieter than when he was last here. He can't imagine there'll be many people spending their Sunday mornings here about from the janitors, and Kim Junmyeon of course. Sehun wonders if Junmyeon works with a team of sadists, because who in their right mind would want to be awake this early? Sehun hasn't been awake at this time since his college days- even then, most of the time it was a result of an all-nighter.

Before Sehun knows it, he's back in the waiting room on the tenth floor. It's much calmer today, and despite the early rise, Sehun actually likes it this way. The city below is serene too. There's a lot less traffic on the roads and less people milling in the streets. Sehun always thought he liked the hustle of city life, liked being swept up in the crowd and melting into the background; yet there's something strangely eery and tranquil about seeing life at a peaceful standstill on a Sunday morning.

Sehun doesn't know whether it's proper etiquette to use his phone while he waits. They should be out any minute now and the last thing he wants to do is get caught scrolling through Instagram looking at all the photos Baekhyun has undoubtedly tagged him in from last night.

The meeting ends at around 8:15, by this time Sehun has started to get twitchy, second guessing himself and wondering if he was even meant to be here at all. When he hears the door handle creak; he leaps to his feet, smoothes his hair, dusts off his shirt and prepares himself for whatever is to come. He doesn't realise he's not breathing until he needs to choke for air.

Sehun has never met anyone famous before (apart from his grandfather who was, like, in the army or something and won a medal, the photos get unearthed every family occasion) so he's unsure of what to expect. He's anticipating a phalanx of men in black suits and earpieces to flood out of the room and check for any threats, before Kim Junmyeon will stride out regally, probably adorned with a cape and sceptre.

Sehun is pleasantly surprised to find it's the complete opposite.

Jongdae comes out first, dressed in a suit (so Sehun's vision was kind of right) with a leather binder tight against his chest. Internally, Sehun scorns him; what kind of stiff turns up to work at seven am on a Sunday in a suit?

Another nameless man comes out next, talking loudly into his phone. Sehun's beginning to wonder whether the meeting room is like a clown car when the next person steps out.

He's not as tall as the men who preceded him, but he's by far the most stunning. Dressed in a button-down and sweater vest that would make a man lesser than him look geriatric; he has dark hair that rises in a wave and falls earnestly over one of his eyes, plump, rosy lips and doe eyes so brown they could be mistaken for black. His brow is heavy, but it somehow compliments his delicate features perfectly.

In true rom-com fashion, Sehun feels time slow down as this man becomes the centre of his universe for a fleeting second. A heavenly chorus fills the air, birds sing ethereally, cherubs float overhead and shower down heart-shaped arrows.

The man stops dead in front of Sehun, his previously expressionless face now wears a grin.

"Hello. You must be Oh Sehun. I'm Kim Junmyeon, nice to meet you."

Sehun freezes, blood running cold.

Oh no.

Sehun's first thought about his boss was 'he's really hot.'

Sehun thinks he's fallen momentarily in love with his boss.

This can't be happening.

"Yes," Sehun manages to get out. "I'm Sehun. Nice to meet you, Mr Kim."

He extends his hand for him to shake. When their palms collide, Sehun is terrified to realise that it feels like he's been zapped with an electric current.

This is possibly the worst thing that could've happened to him.

When he pictured Junmyeon, he envisioned some ageing actor with a loyal fanbase who insisted he was good-looking (i.e. Chanyeol and Baekhyun) despite having seen better days. Never did Sehun imagine Junmyeon would be his age and extremely attractive.

Is it too early for Sehun to hand his notice in?

"Good to see you, Mr Oh." Jongdae is still lingering around, obviously not wanting to miss their first meeting. "I trust you're well."

"As well ever, Mr Kim."

Sehun omits the fact he's still drunk from last night and the reason he's so amicable is probably because of the liquor still in his body. That wouldn't bode well, though it would be a good excuse to be relieved of his position and never have to see Kim Junmyeon again...

Another handful of men come streaming out of the meeting. Sehun desperately glances over, trying to look anywhere at Junmyeon.

And then...

The world stops again. But this time, it isn't a pleasant sensation.

Kim Minseok strides out of the room, his head turned as he talks to a woman taking notes. Sehun hopes he won't spot him, that he'll continue walking without glancing back or stopping. He shrinks inside his blazer, wishing the ground would swallow him whole.

Minseok's eyes flicker over. He stops dead in his tracks, feline eyes narrowing coldly.

Sehun looks out of the window nonchalantly, whistling under his breath, pretending something outside has garnered his attention.

He's talking to Jongdae, Sehun can hear it. Hopefully they'll finish their conversation and Minseok will go on his way, never running into Sehun again- that this encounter will be a freaky coincidence. Because if Minseok works for Junmyeon...

"This is Junmyeon's new PA I was telling you about," Jongdae says. "It was like luck just sent him from above. Sehun, this is Kim Minseok. Junmyeon's publicist."

Sehun freezes. He glances between Junmyeon, Jongdae and Minseok, who is fixated on staring at him icily. He wonders what amount of force and trajectory it would take to launch himself out of the floor to ceiling window. Would he break his neck or just end up a shattered pile of bones?

Sehun wonders how to react to this. Is Minseok going to tell Jongdae they have already been acquainted, or will he play dumb?

"Pleasure," Minseok says curtly, shaking his hand and then dropping it as if he has some kind of infectious disease.

Junmyeon turns to Sehun, resting a hand on his shoulder. He looks just as bored as Sehun feels. "Let's go somewhere private and talk for a while. Get to know each other a bit better." The smile he offers Sehun is so genuine that it warms him from the outside out. He nods dumbly, letting Junmyeon drag him out of the waiting room and down a long stretch of corridor.

They end up in another derelict meeting room, significantly smaller than the one they've just been in.

"I- uh," Sehun clears his throat awkwardly. "I brought you coffee. I don't know how you take is so I just asked for milk and sugar. I didn't think to ask Jongdae about it."

He hands his boss the cardboard cup he's been nursing ever since he got it from the Starbucks drive-thru. Hopefully it should still be warm. If not, he's hoping Junmyeon will appreciate the sentiment nonetheless.

A smile that threatens to crack his face graces Junmyeon's features. "Amazing. Thank you, Sehun. My first job for you was going to be getting me coffee from the machine, but this is much better." He takes a sip. Sehun finds himself anxiously awaiting the verdict. "Perfect. And it's still warm."

Junmyeon pulls out a chair and gestures Sehun to take the one opposite him, telling Sehun that he's been to a lot more meetings than he has. Somehow this feels more formal than the job interview with Jongdae. Last night when Sehun so flippantly disregarded his nerves, he foolishly hadn't been anticipating this. Now, the butterflies in his stomach threaten to explode.

"So," Junmyeon is smiling again. Is he always this happy on a morning? What's his secret? Drugs? "Tell me a bit about yourself, Oh Sehun."

"Well," the younger scratches the back of his neck. "I'm Sehun. I'm twenty-five. I'm a graduate from the National University of Arts-"

"Really?" Junmyeon seems impressed. "Tell me about that. What did you major in?"

"Choreography. But obviously it was harder than I expected to get a job in that field, hence why I'm now fetching coffee for the stars."

Junmyeon chuckles. "I see. I went to the Institute of Arts myself, which I suppose makes us enemy by proxy."

"I guess. Oh, by the way, don't look in your coffee."

Junmyeon throws his head back and laughs. Actually! "Jongdae was right, you're a live one."

Sehun smiles witheringly, unsure of how to respond.

"What's the deal with you and Minseok? I saw him glaring at you, it usually takes him a bit longer to decide he dislikes someone."

Sehun shrugs. "Maybe it was a hate at first sight kind of thing."

"Okay, maybe I was pushing it expecting an answer. But I hope we can become friends, Sehun. To be honest, I don't have many; so it'll be nice to get to know you better. You're already a lot better than my last PA. The first time I met her she was so nervous she vomited halfway through the meeting." Junmyeon pulls a face. "But you seem a lot more collected. That's the type of person I need by my side."

Sehun nods, gulping around the knot in his throat. "Right. Yeah. That's me. Collected is my middle name. It was passed down on my mother's side."

They exchange phone numbers and Junmyeon tells him to meet him here on Monday morning at seven, because he has rehearsals for half past. They agree to meet in the cover of the underground parking lot in case Junmyeon gets recognised. Although he's a regular in the building, he explains that sometimes his fans get access inside and track him down. Sehun takes it all in, feeling completely out of his depth already.

Even though Junmyeon doesn't ask him to, Sehun makes a mental note to bring him coffee again.

***

Kyungsoo has gone by the time Sehun returns, which is a relief. Apparently he's busy shooting nearby, which means Sehun has his best friend all to himself for the remainder of the day. Sundays are usually him and Jonngin's day; they sometimes go for breakfast and do something in the afternoon. Today Jongin asks if he wants togo to the movies, which he agrees enthusiastically to.

"So, how was it?" Jongin asks over breakfast. Now Sehun has gotten the meeting out of the way, he feels able to stomach some pancakes.

"It went well, I think."

"What was he like?" Jongin is pretending to feign interest, but Sehun can tell he is dying to know all the details. His roommate may be one of Junmyeon's biggest fans. Ever since Kyungsoo mentioned the proposition, he's been binge-watching all of his dramas and movies on his laptop.

"Weirdly nice and cheerful. Really down to earth. Polite. Accommodating."

Jongin sighs dreamily. "I knew he would be. He's like Prince Charming."

Sehun quirks an eyebrow. "What about Kyungsoo?"

His best friend pulls a face. "Charming isn't the first word I think of when Kyungsoo comes to mind. He's too shy. B-but obviously I don't have a crush on Kim Junmyeon," he iterates quickly. "That would be weird considering I have a boyfriend, w-who is also his friend-"

"Stop rambling," Sehun rolls his eyes. "I know what you mean."

Jongin dips his fingers in his glass of water and flicks the droplets into Sehun's face. Consequently, Sehun chases Jongin around the kitchen and then the whole apartment; tackling him onto the couch and tickling him until he admits surrender.

They fall back on the floor panting, laughing in between breaths. Sehun has a weird squeezing feeling in his chest that he valiantly tries to ignore. It only worsens when Jongin looks over and smiles at him, rubbing his arm.

Something has to be done.

Chapter 3: Chapter Three

Surprisingly, Junmyeon is the first at the building on Monday morning. It leaves Sehun wrong-footed and terrified that he's going to reprimanded for being late, even though his phone reads 7:27. Is this some kind of test? Has he failed?

"You're early," is all Sehun greets his boss with.

"Technically," Junmyeon agrees. "But some of my fans know my schedule, so I have to be at places early in case there's a mob or something."

Sehun pulls a face. "That's scary." And something he doesn't think he'll ever get used to.

Junmyeon shrugs. "It is what it is. Is that coffee for me?" His voice lilts hopefully.

Sehun hands it over and Junmyeon punches the air triumphantly. The younger rolls his eyes. He'll be the first to admit that Junmyeon looks particularly adorable this morning; donning a huge, puffy jacket that falls down to his knees, sweatpants, chunky sneakers and a beanie pulled low down over his face as well as his hood pulled up. Apparently concealing his identity is no joke. Sehun's surprised there's no security guards. Goddamnit, he just wants to see a security guard in the flesh.

Someone as famous as Junmyeon has their own personal driver, as well as an assistant and a fucking manager. Junmyeon explains that he'd be more than happy driving himself around, but for his own safety he has to have a driver. Him and Sehun climb in the back of the blacked out Range Rover and Sehun takes a few seconds to admire the fanciest car he's ever been in.

Junmyeon, of course, has some kind of Lamborghini; but Sehun didn't want him to have the satisfaction of admiring it, so he tried his best not to even glance at it. His own Kia pales in comparison.

"I spoke to Kyungsoo last night," Junmyeon says conversationally, still looking out of the window. Sehun watches his side profile. It really is criminal to be so handsome.

"Really? Lucky you."

"I like Kyungsoo, we've been friends for years. I met him when we were auditioning for the same role. Obviously I got it, he'll never let me live it down- but he's a good guy. It's nice having him in your corner. He doesn't trust people easily, but he seems to like you."

"People keep saying that yet I've never gotten the impression he does."

Junmyeon smiles mysteriously. "He doesn't express his emotions well, you of all people should know that. He sings your praises behind your back, and that's the most important thing, right? That even when you're not there, he's still speaking highly of you."

Sehun knits his eyebrows together. "I guess... Still, it'd be nice for him to say something nice every once in a while."

Junmyeon lets out a huff of air that sounds like it could almost be a chuckle. "Yeah, tell me about it. He's a good guy, Sehun. Don't count him out."

Sehun doesn't like how this has turned into somewhat of a lecture. He's twenty-five, he doesn't need to be scolded- especially by a man he met yesterday. He tries not to let his annoyance be palpable. If Junmyeon senses something is wrong, he ignores it. Which, unknowingly, is the best way to handle Sehun's temper. Whether Kyungsoo gave him this tip or he figured it out himself already is uncertain. He chats to Sehun about a matter of things; the first thing that comes to mind or something interesting he sees outside.

Sehun begrudgingly gives him an eight out of ten for effort.

Junmyeon's rehearsals take place in theatre on the outskirts of town. Sehun remembers watching the opera here once with his grandparents, all he remembers from the night was how mind-numbingly boring it was and getting scolded for kicking the chair in front of him. He can't say he's overjoyed to be returning.

Outside the front entrance there is a huge banner depicting Junmyeon's face, announcing that he will be starring in the new musical that begins in two months time. Junmyeon doesn't seem phased by seeing his face blown up and paraded like that. He doesn't even notice. Only now does Sehun realise what a weird world he's been thrown into.

For privacy reasons, they're let in through the back entrance of the theatre. It's decidedly less grand, which makes Sehun feel back in his depth. He trails behind Junmeyon like a lost puppy, while his boss talks to the small army of staff that met him at the door.

Sehun doesn't like feeling overwhelmed, he likes to maintain a cool and calm head at all times; so this lifestyle is going to take some acclimatising to. He desperately clings onto the notion that Junmyeon isn't a total dick, which is like his lifeline.

They're ushered into a dressing room which is full of even more people. Despite this, Junmyeon keeps looking behind to check Sehun is in close proximity at all times. The latter is just waiting for his first instruction, eager to be away from all of this clamour.

For about an hour, Junmyeon talks to the various horde of people around him. Sehun wonders how he keeps track of who they all are. However, eventually, they disperse and in the dressing room there is Sehun, Junmyeon, four women and another man.

Junmyeon lets out a dramatic exhale, pretending to wipe the sweat off of his forehead with the back of his hand. "That was full on, huh?"

"They've been waiting for you since six am," the pretty woman with porcelain skin and long, dark hair tells him wryly. Her eyes flicker up to Sehun, then looks down at Junmyeon questioningly.

"This is Oh Sehun, my new personal assistant. Sehun, this is Joohyun, she's-"

"His acting coach. Pleased to meet you." They exchange a brisk handshake. "I hope you're better than the last one. The poor girl got fired after a month."

"Not by me," adds Junmyeon quickly. "I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt but Jongdae is ruthless."

Sehun is introduced to the makeup artist, hair stylist, normal stylist and... He's not entirely sure what the other man does. He was vague and Sehun doesn't care enough about his presence to ask any follow-up questions.

Junmyeon is forced into the canvas chair and the team begin his beautifying process.

"We're doing dress rehearsals, hence the makeup," Junmyeon explains even though Sehun didn't ask. He nods nonetheless, not wanting to look rude. Especially not when Joohyun keeps shooting him looks he's painfully aware of in his peripheral vision. He's never met such an intimidating woman- apart from his own mother.

Sehun can't help but watch in fascination at the makeup process; watching his boss' transformation from cuddly in his oversized clothing to borderline disturbing with his heavy makeup. It's the red slash across his face that makes him look scary- very Joker-esque. Junmyeon begins explaining his character and his role in the musical when an intern knocks on the door and tells Junmyeon it's time to get on stage.

Awkwardly, Sehun follows him to the wings of the stage. He feels like this is the best position to be in if Junmyeon needs him in some kind of emergency, although he doesn't know CPR or First Aid of any kind. He draws the line at the kiss of life. He'll go down for manslaughter if he has to.

Surprisingly, the rehearsal is fascinating. Sehun has never seen a musical before but to see how it's polished and perfected behind the scenes is exciting; like he's been exposed to a secret that not many others have the privilege of knowing.

Junmyeon is, not only devastatingly handsome, but incredibly talented too. Sehun feels it's very unfair for God to have such obvious favourites, because Kim Junmyeon is certainly one of them. Even in his ridiculous costume, he looks like a heartthrob.

But Sehun is able to switch his feelings off like a light-switch. So he doesn't find Junmyeon attractive anymore. Simple.

Because, of course, repressing his feelings is going to work out in the long run. What could possibly go wrong?

When Junmyeon is allowed on a break, he asks Sehun if he'll go and pick up lunch for him. Joohyun cuts in and says he's only allowed a salad- strict instructions from his dietician- but after some pouting and whining, she concedes he's allowed one treat. Junmyeon gives Sehun an easy smile and tells him to pick whatever he thinks is best, so obviously this is a test and his employment hangs in the balance.

Will his Wiki page reveal his favourite food?

Sehun goes downtown to the restaurant where Jongin works. Not only does he get a discount, but it'll clear his head seeing a familiar face.

He awkwardly tells the driver he'll be back soon, but thankfully the driver thinks no more of it. He pulls his phone out and begins playing Angry Birds. Sehun takes this as a good sign, so he clambers out of the car and awkwardly jogs inside.

It's slightly too early for the lunchtime rush hour which means Sehun is the only customer. Seulgi greets him enthusiastically, slapping him on the back and telling him its good to see him again. Him and Seulgi go way back to their university days, from being in the same class together. Neither of their lives turned out as planned. But that's a story for another time.

"He's in the back, I'll get him for you."

Seulgi goes into the kitchen to fetch Jongin while Sehun awkwardly perches in a booth. He greets a few of the staff who walk past and recognise him. He's particularly friendly with Jongin's manager, Kwangsoo. This relationship blossomed on a staff night out that Jongin invited Sehun to, where Jongin passed out halfway through the night (he's always been a lightweight) and Sehun and Kwangsoo bonded over Jongin's limp body and soju.

"Hey!" Jongin's voice calls out through the quiet restaurant. He embraces Sehun in a brief hug. Already he smells like cooking. "Are you okay? Not been fired yet?"

"Ha ha," Sehun rolls his eyes. "Junmyeon wants lunch and I thought I'd support a local business. You know how much I hate capitalism."

Now it's Jongin's turn to roll his eyes. "Right. And what exactly does he want?"

"A salad. Hold the croutons and dressing, but with extra chicken. Something about protein?"

Jongin raises an eyebrow. "So he's not picky, then?"

"I think it's less about being picky and more his dietician being an actual prison warden. Also, since you're his biggest fan, I don't suppose you know what his favourite dessert is?"

"I'm glad you asked!" Jongin's face lights up. "It's a blueberry muffin. He said it on an interview from twenty seventeen- but that's not the point. Okay, one salad and blueberry muffin. How will you be paying? Is it getting deducted from your salary?"

"With this." Sehun retrieves the shiny black bankcard from his jacket pocket.

Jongin's mouth falls open, eyes practically on stalks. "Is that a black card?" His voice is but a whisper, speaking with reverence. "Can I touch?"

Once Jongin has finished molesting the card, he goes into the kitchen to begin preparing Junmyeon's lunch. He doesn't allow any of the other chefs to help him, telling them he's been hand-selected by a celebrity to make their food and doesn't want them besmirching it. His chest is puffed out like a pigeon and there's a rosiness to his cheeks that Sehun hasn't seen in a long while.

"Is he bullshitting?" Seulgi asks, taking a seat opposite Sehun.

"Nah, I work with Kim Junmyeon now."

Seulgi blinks. Then cocks her head. "Sorry. Can you repeat that? Because for a second I swear you said-"

"I work with Kim Junmyeonn," Sehun nods. "I'm not sure who's meant to know about it, exactly, so keep it between us. But yeah, I'm his new personal assistant."

"Right, right," Seulgi nods. "Does he have a girlfriend? Have you met any significant other yet? Is he single? Is he looking for someone?"

"I don't know the answer to any of those questions. If I find out, I'll put your name forward first."

She beams at him. "I knew I could count on you. Anyway, I've got to go. Kwangsoo will bust my balls if he realises I haven't wiped down all the tables yet. But you should come out with us one night, Sehun. It'll be nice to see you again."

Sehun nods slowly. "Yeah... It would be."

She hurries away to get back to work, leaving Sehun staring down at his phone. He answers Chanyeol's texts asking about how his first day is going. Baekhyun hasn't gotten out of bed yet, but he should be awake and sticking his nose in Sehun's business soon.

Jongin makes it back with Junmyeon's lunch just as the first few stragglers are coming into the restaurant. He gives Sehun a one-armed hug and wishes him well with the rest of his day at work. Sehun tells him he'll be back with pizza for dinner- his treat.

He gets into the Range Rover with a sense of accomplishment. Everything is fine. He's going to be okay.

***

Sehun stands with his hands behind his back, face deadpan as he watches Junmyeon inspect his salad with obvious scrutiny. He's surprised his boss didn't make him eat it first to check for poison. That's what he's looking at it like.

"Before you look like I've just scraped roadkill off the road and served it to you, you might want to taste it."

Junmyeon raises an eyebrow, but digs in. After a few mouthfuls, he hums appreciatively and Sehun bites back a smirk. He can't wait to tell Jongin.

"This is... Good," his boss remarks, not attempting to hide his surprise. "Where did you get it?"

Sehun shrugs. "I know a place."

Junmyeon finishes his salad and tells Sehun to keep getting them for him when he's in charge of lunch. Sehun dips his head in a shallow nod, he can already imagine Jongin's excited shriek when he delivers the good news.

"What did you get for dessert?"

Sehun hands him the brown bag, lips tight. Let Junmyeon see for himself. Let him see that he's passed this stupid little test- whatever it was. How pointless to play mind games like this. How foolish of Sehun to play right into his hands. He should've just brought him a banana or something and presented it him a sickeningly saccharine smile.

Junmyeon's face lights up. "My favourite. How did you know?"

"I had a hunch," he responds evasively.

His boss nods appreciatively. "Congratulations, you passed the test. You're not going to be my most short-lived PA."

"You honour me, sir."

At this, Junmyeon's eyes widen and the slightest of flushes creep on his cheeks. "I-It's just Junmyeon."

Sehun nods with a straight face, but he's inwardly smirking. He's going to have a lot of fun with this.

***

The next day is much the same; Sehun accompanies Junmyeon to rehearsals, he watches from the sidelines, fetches lunch and beverages when asked to, rides with Junmyeon back to the offices before going home and heating up leftover pizza and replying to Jongdae's emails. He's been grilling Sehun for information and Sehun has been deliberately evasive, it's just so fun winding Jongdae up. To see such a well put-together businessman become unravelled at a few meagre responses.

The day after, however, Junmyeon informs Sehun that he has an interview this morning. Sehun will be accompanying him, of course, but he'll probably be bored stupid by the whole rigamarole. Junmyeon informs him that his least favourite part of stardom is the interviews.

"I'm quite an awkward person," he tells his assistant.

"Really? I couldn't tell."

He fixes Sehun with a flat stare. "Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, you know."

"They also refrain from mentioning the funniest."

Junmyeon clucks. "I can easily fire you."

"You need me, sir."

This does an adequate job of shutting him up. Sehun smirks triumphantly and returns to looking out of the window. They're heading to a part of the city Sehun rarely frequents; the skyscraper of buildings becoming less familiar the further down the labyrinthine streets they travel. It's a lot less grand than the heart of the city; laden with small markets and an assortment of small, independent stores. Sehun never knew such a place existed.

He's about to ask Junmyeon where exactly they are, but glancing over, he sees his boss has fallen asleep. His mouth hangs open and Sehun is extremely tempted to shove his finger in like he often does with Chanyeol, but manages to curb the urge. Even though Sehun got the upper-hand in their squabble, Junmyeon does have the ability to leave Sehun unemployed again.

It's more out of pettiness that Sehun wants to keep this position; to prove to Kyungsoo that he can hold down a job, and even though he offered it to him as a jibe, he wants to show that he's succeeded in it.

Sehun leans his head back against the headrest, shutting his own eyes. The driver warned them it would be a long drive, but Sehun hadn't anticipated this. He wishes he'd brought his headphones. Junmyeon has his AirPods in, which Sehun thinks is selfish because he's asleep and doesn't even need to be listening to music. But he's not about to snatch his boss' earphones out of his ears- that's just all kinds of wrong. He'll just listen to the music on the radio, despite it not being his taste.

When they arrive, Sehun has the pleasure of shaking Junmyeon awake a little too roughly to be considered friendly. His boss lurches forward in confusion, blinking the sleep out of his eyes and looking startled. He turns to Sehun for an explanation, pink lips puckered in a pout.

"We're here." Sehun offers no more as he climbs out of the car, wanting to get out as quickly as possible before he starts finding his boss cute.

Sehun and a plethora of men escort Junmyeon inside, where he's whisked away to hair and makeup so they can begin filming as quickly as possible. There's an idol group coming in at noon so they have to be finished and out of the building by then. Because Junmyeon is one man, it's a lot easy to control his schedule. Still, Sehun is finding it all very strange and alien.

He lingers around Junmyeon in the canvas chair, feeling too awkward to stray elsewhere. Thankfully, Junmyeon seems to sense his tension and doesn't ask anything of him; he gets the interns to fetch him a bottle of water and tell them to charge his phone.

"You okay?" Junmyeon inquires, glancing over to Sehun who is awkwardly playing with the cuffs of his shirt.

"What? Yeah, yeah. I'm fine, of course."

Junmyeon smiles knowingly. "It's weird, but you'll get used to it. You're doing really well for your first week."

For some reason, Junmyeon's praise makes Sehun's skin prickle unpleasantly. He knows his boss is only trying to be amicable, but would it kill him to not be so condescending sometimes?

"I'm going to the bathroom," Sehun mutters. He weaves his way out of the dressing room which is already full to the brim of staff.

The corridors of the studio are almost impossible to navigate with the sheer amount of people milling around. Sehun gets lost twice and has to ask for directions, which, when asking for the bathroom, is slightly mortifying. Eventually, after what feels like an eternity, he bursts through the doors.

Sehun leans against the cool, marble and breathes in deeply through his nose. All day he's been desperate to have a few moments to himself, just to get his head straight and calm himself down. Sehun isn't the type of person who outwardly shows weakness, so he represses whatever he's feeling until he reaches a breaking point. Sometimes it takes hours, sometimes it takes days, sometimes it takes weeks; this time, however, this has been building up all week, since he began working for Junmyeon.

He hadn't realised just how much everything had been building up inside of him; pushed to bursting point behind the emotional dam he's so laboriously built over the years.

At home he can't show any sign of weakness in front of Jongin, he doesn't want his best friend worrying over him- the annoying thing about Jongin is that he worries about others more than himself, which isn't how it should be. At all. Obviously he can't tell Baekhyun or Chanyeol without running the risk of being torn open and left raw at their jokes; they wouldn't mean to take it that far but they would, because they always do.

He doesn't want to tell his parents in fear of disappointing them. His mother had been so ecstatic when Sehun told her he'd gotten a job as Kim Junmyeon's personal assistant that she actually started crying. And his mother never cries. His father likes to joke that she remained stony-faced even when she was in labour.

Sehun is horrified when he feels a tightness building up in his throat, a warning sign that tears are about to come. He hurries over to the sinks and splashes cold water on his face.

When he looks up through his wet eyelashes, he's aware of someone watching him from the doorway. Blinking a few times and wiping his face with his jacket sleeve, he realises that it's Minseok- eyes cold and stony.

Sehun recognises he has two options here; he can greet Minseok cordially like an old friend which would really annoy him and give Sehun a momentary thrill and sense of achievement, or he could completely ignore his presence which would also irritate him. There's just so many possibilities. In the end, Sehun nods his head in his direction.

"Take a picture. It'll last longer."

The forgotten option three; make a sarcastic comment. Oft overlooked but certainly the most entertaining.

Minseok's face hardens. "What the hell are you even doing here, Sehun?"

"Do you mean in the bathroom or in the building in general? Or do you mean this plane of existence, because that's a question that keeps me up at night too."

"I mean working with Junmyeon. How the hell are you even qualified enough?"

Sehun shrugs. "Jongdae liked me, so go take it up with him. I didn't think me working with Junmyeon would be this big of a deal to you, hardly a professional outlook."

Minseok clenches his fists, pulse throbbing in his neck. "You're such a little smartass. Junmyeon won't put up with you forever. You might want to fix your attitude before you're out of a job again."

Sehun holds a hand up to his chest. "You wound me," he says flatly. "Are you going to keep blocking the doorway or can I leave?"

The man steps aside and lets Sehun brush past him without uttering another word. Sehun is almost disappointed, their back and forth was starting to bring some normality back to him. Maybe Junmyeon is in the mood for a bit of verbal tennis, he's equally as easy to rile up. Sehun should be back to normal in no time, his little breakdown forgotten about by lunchtime.

As it turns out, by the time Sehun returns to the dressing room, Junmyeon has been swept away to begin filming. As a precaution, Sehun brings a couple of water bottles and Junmyeon's phone just in case he's allowed a short break in between. He highly doubts it with how packed his boss' schedule is today. When they're finished here, he has a fitting for an award show and then he's back at the theatre for rehearsals until late into the night. Sehun will probably have to stay with him and escort him back to the offices, but if he's feeling particularly generous he'll let Sehun go home early. Perhaps it's in his best interests to stay on his boss' good side today.

Sehun joins the rest of the team who are crowding around the cameras and watching Junmyeon. As loathed as he is to admit it, Junmyeon is born to be behind a camera; he switches up his charm a tenfold, which leaves the female interviewer a blushing mess. Her cheeks are so red they could act as a beacon, and she keeps fumbling and dropping her cue cards. And then, to add insult to injury, Junmyeon picks them up for her and hands them back with a smile, a curl of hair falling into his eyes and making him look ethereal.

Sehun wants to puke.

Jummyeon is so disgustingly straight it makes him feel dizzy. How did he end up working for a straight dude? He supposes it makes a lot of sense; no one is that smarmy around women, but, still. It oddly feels like a betrayal. Sehun has been trying to find the good in his boss all this time to be stabbed in the back like this.

Once the interview is over, him and Junmyeon are shepherded right into the car and on the way to the tailors where Junmyeon will have his fitting. Sehun offers him a consolatory bottle of water seeing as Junmyeon didn't get a chance to have a break- he did a lot of talking- and he's disgustingly grateful about it. Sehun kind of wants to shove the water bottle down his throat and choke him, because what kind of asshole is so enthusiastic about water?

"So, how did you find the interview?" Junmyeon asks, locking his phone and sliding it into his coat pocket. When he does this, it means he's about to give Sehun his undivided attention. With the way his assistant is feeling, he isn't sure whether he wants this.

Sehun lifts one shoulder in a shrug. "You really know how to switch up the charm in front of the cameras."

Junmyeon's expression could be mistaken for hurt if Sehun didn't know any better. "I don't act any different... Do I?"

"You're an actor, Junmyeon. Plus you want all your fans to see your good side, so yeah, you do act different."

"Oh." Junmyeon's voice is small and his thick eyebrows furrow. "I didn't realise it seemed like that. I just try to act like-"

"If you say a normal person I'm rolling out of this car."

"No!" Junmyeon cries. "I know I'm a normal person, I was going to say... I just try to act like myself. It's all I've ever tried to do. When you play so many characters, sometimes it gets hard remembering who you are beneath it all."

If Junmyeon didn't have a black card, a Lamborghini and a whole platoon of staff at his feet, Sehun might have felt a margin of sympathy.

"You don't think I'm a douche, right?" Junmyeon looks over at Sehun, lips puckered up slightly. Sehun is aware of this and keeps his gaze straight ahead, refusing to engage. Junmyeon will learn to take his silence as an answer.

The older man huffs, falling back into his seat.

"I'll prove to you I'm a good guy, Oh Sehun."

"Will I get paid overtime?"

Junmyeon glares, muttering something that sounds a lot like, "Brat," under his breath.

***

The tailors is in the centre of the city, right down the busiest and most luxurious shopping street. For obvious reasons, Sehun has hardly frequented this area; the last time he was here was when Baekhyun received a pay-out from his sugar daddy at the time (don't ask, it's a long story) and he wanted to buy a jacket that cost more than Sehun's rent.

(He bought the jacket then lost it on a night out and cried for two days straight. Sehun calls it karmic retribution.)

The driver drops them right outside the store, wanting to minimise Junmyeon's exposure to the public. Sehun is told to walk ahead of him (like he's some kind of bodyguard willing to take a bullet for him, he almost tells his boss to shove it up his ass) to check the coast is clear and herd him inside. If Sehun had to describe the rigamarole, he'd compare it to a poorly executed military operation.

Junmyeon slams the door shut behind him, blowing out a theatrical sigh of relief and pretending to wipe sweat off of his forehead.

"There were literally three people on the street," Sehun points out flatly. "All of them were looking at their phones. You also can't see your face because of those ridiculous glasses."

Junmyeon slides the sunglasses that wouldn't look out of place at a novelty store down the bridge of his nose. "Don't you think I look like Elton John?"

"If he's your fashion inspiration then I have no more to say to you."

They mill around in the empty foyer for a few minutes, waiting for an assistant to appear. Junmyeon wanders off to look at one of the shirts on display; when he picks it up to examine it, Sehun expressly forbids it unless he wants to be without a PA.

Eventually, someone emerges from the back. He bows low to Junmyeon, but there's a twinkle in his eyes and a curve to the corner of his lips that make him look mischevious. Sehun decides he likes this man immediately, already seeing the similarities between them.

"Johnny, good to see you again," Junmyeon claps him on the back like he's an old friend. "How long has it been?"

"Too long, Mr Kim. I'm surprised you came back after last time, I heard from an insider that you split your slacks at an after party."

"Ah." Junmyeon's cheeks redden considerably. "That wasn't your fault, that was the result of too much tequila and a limbo contest."

Johnny smirks. "Now that I'd have loved to have seen."

The tailor turns to Sehun, regarding him with a slightly arched eyebrow; he doesn't look explicitly disapproving, but he's eyeing him like he doesn't quite know what to think. Sehun raises his eyebrows at him, subtly standing up straight. He's not about to be intimidated by a man in suit that unforgiving.

"Who's this, Mr Kim? A deranged fan who followed you in off the street?"

Sehun refrains from mentioning that if he saw Junmyeon walking toward him on the street he would abruptly turn on his heel and scurry off in the opposite direction. It doesn't seem appropriate for his boss to hear.

"This is Oh Sehun, my personal assistant." He raises his arm and for a horrifying moment Sehun thinks his boss is going to put his arm around his shoulders. Fortunately, at the last moment, he claps Sehun on the shoulder.

"I see." Johnny seems more approving now. He bows too. "Pleasure to meet you, Mr Oh."

Sehun bows stiffly in his direction. "Likewise."

Johnny claps his hands. "Shall we go into the fitting room? I can't imagine you want to strip down in the middle of the store where anyone from the general public can look inside. But hey, maybe you do. I don't judge."

Junmyeon chuckles. "Lead the way, Johnny."

Johnny crooks his finger at them to follow, Sehun bringing up the rear. Johnny assures them that no one will interrupt the fitting considering they've temporarily closed the store while Junmyeon was here. Apparently it's for his 'safety', but Sehun is beginning to think he's just an elitist snob.

They're taken into a back room which is bursting with suits and a variety of different coloured fabrics with contrasting textures. Sehun counts himself lucky he doesn't have to go through this whole procedure, it looks like it's going to take all day.

"First and foremost we have this one." Johnny lifts a royal blue suit off the rack, holding it up so Junmyeon can assess it. He nods admiringly, as Johnny starts telling him about where they imported the material and which seamstress sewed it- like any of that matters.

Sehun is so lost in thought that when he snaps out of his reverie, he sees Junmyeon wriggling out of his oversized sweatshirt and taking a black button-up shirt from Johnny. Sehun's first reaction is to look away, eyes so wide they almost pop out of his skull. To say he likes to play the gentleman card, Junmyeon could've at least warned him he was about to start stripping.

As hard as Sehun tries to stare into space and wills the ground to swallow him whole, his eyes cannot help wandering over to where his boss is struggling to button his shirt up. Once Sehun realises Junmyeon can't button it up because his muscles are so big he almost starts choking.

Junmyeon is, for a lack of better word, freakishly ripped. Underneath his baggy and- frankly misleading- clothes, Sehun just assumed there was a lean body, just like his own. What he certainly wasn't expecting was his boss to have a washboard stomach with, not six, but an eight pack, with muscles so bulging it looks like he could choke Sehun with one arm without breaking a sweat.

(Hey, maybe Sehun is into that. He's not averse to being thrown around like a WWE match.)

Johnny has to leave the room to get a shirt that will actually fit over his bulk, and Sehun keeps his eyes trained on the door and silently prays for Johnny's speedy return. At one point he even begins whistling nonchalantly.

"Are you whistling the wheels on the bus?"

"Huh?" Sehun turns around. Damn it! He wasn't supposed to be looking in Jummyeon's direction! Now he's going to turn to stone like... like... Hercules? That doesn't sound right. Sehun's brain has the tendency to turn to mush when he's in the proximity of hot guys, especially ones with much more power and authority than him.

"Why are you red?"

"I'm not red!" The younger man snaps. "It's just... very warm in here."

Junmyeon hums. "You're not uncomfortable are you?"

"No." Perhaps it comes out more defensive than he meant it to. "Just... you should've warned me before you started stripping."

His boss stares at him for what feels like an eternity, before bursting into laughter. Loud peals that leave him bent double and clutching onto his side for support. Sehun seethes and glares holes in the back of his head.

"What did you expect from a fitting?" Junmyeon is still giggling, but has just about regained his composure.

"Not this! I'm a church boy, sir. I've never seen such a sight in my life."

Even Sehun, as excellent an actor as he is, dissolves into giggles too. The situation is so ridiculous it's impossible not to find the humour in it. Soon, him and Junmyeon are laughing so loudly that when Johnny reappears, he asks what the big deal is.

"Nothing," Junmyeon dabs at the tears of laughter with the pad of his thumb.

For some reason, Sehun is glad the moment is kept private between them.

In the end, they decide on the royal blue suit for the award show.

(Sehun tried to convice Junmyeon to wear the purple sparkly one that resembled a disco ball.

"You said Elton John was your inspiration."

To which Junmyeon threw a balled up shirt at his head.)

Sehun is heading to the door when Johnny calls him back.

"Are you not staying for your fitting too, Mr Oh?"

Sehun freezes in the doorway, slowly turning on his feet and frowning like he can't believe what he's just heard. "I'm sorry?"

"Your fitting." Johnny keeps his patience. "Unless you plan on attending the award show in your own wardrobe. Which, looking at your ensemble today, I wouldn't recommend. A pretty face can only get you so far."

Junmyeon has coincidentally started making himself busy by getting changed and turning his back on their exchange. Though, there's a flush creeping onto his neck.

"I wasn't aware this fitting was for me too."

Johnny glances over at Junmyeon who is painstakingly looking in neither of their directions. "Tut tut, Mr Kim. Why didn't you tell your poor assistant he's going to be your date for the night?"

If there was a surface nearby, Sehun would cling onto it for dear life. Because he's stood in the middle of the doorway he just has to hope his knees are going to keep him upright. If Johnny keeps revealing any more surprises he might just go down.

"I was going to tell you sooner," Junmyeon still doesn't meet his eye, voice quiet. "I just didn't know how."

"Do I have a choice?"

"Erm... no. Hey, you're getting paid for it though." Junmyeon's lame attempt of a joke does little to ease Sehun's ire.

The younger man breathes in deeply through his nostrils, counting to ten and desperately shoving his temper down so it doesn't rear its ugly head and make him do something he's going to regret.

"Just bring me the suit."

His voice is stretched so thin it's brittle enough to break. Johnny senses this too and retrieves a plain black suit, not entirely unlike the ones he has in his closet at home. Okay. He can work with this. As long as Junmyeon doesn't have him parading down the red carpet like a disco ball, there'll be some way to make himself so inconspicuous that no one but Junmyeon will know he's there.

Sehun has never been tailored properly for a suit, his mother just bought them and hoped for the best. With Sehun's lithe physique, it's hard for any kind of suit to not look good on him. As Johnny reaches around his body and takes his measurements, he compliments his proportions and Junmyeon eagerly agrees, like if he butters his assistant up he'll stop being mad.

Yeah, not happening.

Johnny tells Sehun that his suit should be ready for collection by the end of the next week, with all the correct adjustments. Sehun thanks him stiffly, still not looking at his boss. Johnny and Junmyeon exchange glances once his back is turned, but Johnny just shrugs. What a lot of help he is.

When they exit the store, the driver isn't there to meet them yet so they have to linger outside and wait. Junmyeon pulls his hood down low, donning the clown glasses again. In another life, Sehun might've laughed at how foolish he looks.

"Sehun," Junmyeon begins in placation. "I was going to tell you, but-"

"Whatever. It doesn't matter now."

"You're not giving me chance to explain myself."

"I get the gist."

Junmyeon swallows awkwardly, shooting the occasional sideways glance at his assistant. Sehun's face usually looks cold in its natural resting state, but when he's genuinely angry he looks downright scary. Junmyeon represses a shudder at the tautness of the younger's eyebrows and the downturn of his lips. He hates thinking he's made him feel like this.

After a few minutes, the driver pulls up on the sidewalk and Sehun has never felt so relieved in his life. Although it'll be harder to ignore Junmyeon in an even closer proximity, he's certain his boss has gotten the message by now.

Sehun spends the entire car ride looking out of the window. He doesn't catch Junmyeon watching him dolefully.

Perhaps it's best he doesn't.

***

"You're back late."

Jongin pokes his head out of his bedroom door, hair wet and plastered to his head. Sehun can tell he's just come out of the shower. His heart squeezes painfully in his chest.

"Yeah. It's been a long day."

Jongin frowns. "You look stressed. Wanna talk about it?"

"I... No, not really. Thanks though." He feels guilty shutting Jongin out, but he doesn't want to burden his best friend with his petty problems. Plus, there's always the possibility it could get back to Kyungsoo and this will have been the exact type of thing he'd be hoping would happen to Sehun. He can't give him the satisfaction.

Sehun showers, trying to ease out the knots of tensions in his shoulders and just wash away the memories of the day in general.

He dries his hair and then settles into bed, wrapping himself in a cocoon of self pity. He's hardly had chance to check his phone all day so he replies to his friend's messages and noses through social media for a while. It should take his mind off things, but it's still tugging in the burrows of his mind.

A gentle knock comes on his door. Jongin opens it slowly, giving Sehun chance to admonish him. Of course he doesn't, he wouldn't dream of it. Sehun sits himself up in bed slowly.

"I know you don't want to talk about it, but I brought you tea. Thought it might help."

The gesture brings him to the verge of tears.

"Jongin," he chokes out. He takes the mug of tea, it blurring in his vision. "Can I talk to you?"

"Of course, Sehunnie." Jongin perches himself on the edge of the bed, patting the lump under the duvet that is Sehun's knee. "Talk to me; you've seemed down this week."

"I guess I am. I thought... I don't know. I've just felt weird all week. Working for Junmyeon isn't what I thought it would be at all. I'm totally out of my comfort zone."

"That's never stopped you before. You're really outgoing, Sehun. It takes more than this to knock you. Is it Junmyeon himself?"

Sehun takes a sip of tea, burning the tip of his tongue. "Yes and no. Don't get me wrong, he's nice and all, but it just seems... fake? Like he doesn't really like me, he's just being smarmy. And I hate that. I just want people to be honest with me. It feels like he isn't."

"Kyungsoo said he's a nice guy, I'm sure he's not being fake with you. Maybe you've just misconstrued the situation? Don't take this the wrong way, but sometimes you just decide you don't like people without any reason."

"I'm supposed to be going to an award show with him next month, and he didn't even tell me. When we went to the fitting today, his tailor told me. He wasn't gonna tell me, Jongin. Not until last minute anyway. How am I meant to like someone who springs that kind of thing on me?"

"Sorry, can we just rewind; are you going to the Performance Awards?"

"Jongin."

"Sorry, sorry! Just... holy shit! Do you know how exclusive they are? Even Kyungsoo hasn't been invited! That's... that's some serious shit. But it was wrong he didn't tell you," Jongin backtracks quickly under Sehun's glower. "You should tell him how you felt."

Sehun grimaces. "I hate talking about my feelings."

"You're telling me," mutters Jongin. "Look. Here's how I see it; Junmyeon appears to be a reasonable guy. Sure, him not telling you about the award show was a dick move but it probably wasn't done maliciously. He seems quite an awkward person beneath it all, he probably didn't know how to approach you about it. You can be very intimidating when you want to be, Sehun."

"Does he think I'm not scared of it too? The thought of going on that red carpet is terrifying! I'll probably throw up. Or faint. Or die."

Jongin quirks an eyebrow. "This is coming from the man who skinny-dipped at Hoseok's summer cabin in front of at least a hundred college students."

Sehun rolls his eyes. "That's totally different."

In the end, he reluctantly agrees that he'll talk to Junmyeon tomorrow about it, but he'll have to be quick because his boss has another packed schedule. Junmyeon probably won't take his feelings into consideration (or, he'll pretend to in front of Sehun's face but blatantly disregard them anyway) but at least Sehun has got it off of his chest. It's twisting his insides up venomously, burning away at him like acid.

Jongin sleeps in his bed that night. There's no reason to it, but he just tells Sehun that he's missed him lately, and Sehun allows it of course. Any excuse to get close to Jongin.

In the middle of the night, Sehun stumbles to the bathroom and when he gets back into bed, he gives his phone a cursory glance to check the time.

The notification on his home screen effectively knocks the breath out of him.

Junmyeon (1:03am): Sehun, I'm really sorry

Junmyeon (1:04am): Can we talk tomorrow?

Notes:

hello everyone! i hope everyones ok after the news about jun, i've been very sad and writing as much of this as i can to cope :(
i hope you all enjoy the chapter and thank you so much for all the lovely comments on the previous ones. it makes my day! <3

Chapter 4: Chapter Four

Junmyeon waits by his car anxiously, shifting on one foot to the other, dread coalescing in his stomach. Sehun never answered his texts from last night, but it also didn't say he'd read them either; Junmyeon doesn't know how to take this. Of course he'll have read them, but just deemed them unworthy of a reply. Is he even going to turn up to work this morning? The possibility hadn't even crossed his mind beforehand, now it's all that Junmyeon can dwell on; he's already drafting his text to Jongdae telling him to try and find him yet another personal assistant.

When he sees the familiar Kia pulling into the parking lot, his knees practically turn to jello. He quickly tries to compose himself before Sehun gets out of the car. Junmyeon knows Sehun is going to give him the cold shoulder, it seems likely that he's going to refuse to talk to him for the near future, or even hand his notice in- but knowing he's there is all that matters to Junmyeon in this current moment. Even if his assistant refuses to hear him out, at least Junmyeon will have said his peace.

Sehun keeps his eyes trained on the ground, but he hands Junmyeon a cardboard coffee cup. No words are exchanged, but the gesture itself speaks a thousand. Junmyeon's heart hammers in his throat as he takes the peace offering with a croaky thanks. His assistant doesn't even acknowledge he's spoken, simply climbing into the Range Rover without looking back.

They're off to a better start than Junmyeon anticipated.

"Thanks for the coffee," the older man says. "You didn't have to."

"I'm pissed but I don't want to lose my job, so."

"You're not-" Junmyeon frowns. "I'd never-" He cuts himself off, already gotten off on the wrong foot. Sehun shows no sign of thawing anytime soon.

"So..." Junmyeon tries again. "I'm sorry, Sehun." He soon realised there's no point approaching the matter delicately, he already knows Sehun well enough to know he won't appreciate it- won't see any point to it. "I was going to tell you, I really was. It's... It's just a hard thing to spring on someone, you know? And I didn't want to give you long enough to back out of it, as selfish as that sounds. I need you there."

Sehun is almost persuaded to drag his eyes away from the window. Almost. The inflection in Junmyeon's tone on the word 'need' draws his attention, a little too greedily. It takes all of his self-government to not pore over it, demand Junmyeon to explain himself.

It's safer to just say nothing. Not yet.

"I know this has hardly been a good start for us, but I'm not that kind of person." He sounds firm now. "You'll probably not trust me for a while- if you ever do, and I think I deserve it. But I just wanted to explain why I did it- for you to know that my apology is genuine. Do with it as you will."

Sehun puckers his lips in rumination. He could draw this out if he wanted, feels like he has every right to do so, but, annoyingly, there's something about Junmyeon's honeyed words- so sickly they turn his stomach- that he just wants to believe. Desperately. He clings onto the idea that he's being honest with him.

Junmyeon is an actor after all...

"Okay," is all Sehun can manage.

Junmyeon's head snaps up from his phone. "Okay what?"

"I believe you." His personal assistant shrugs like it's no big deal; like he didn't spend all of last night pouring his heart out to his roommate and showing vulnerability he hasn't exhibited since high school, like he hasn't lost sleep over the mere implication of walking the red carpet alongside his boss, like it's not the most terrifying feat he will ever have to perform.

Like he still doesn't want to squeeze Junmyeon's stupid, pretty head into a pulp.

"Right," Junmyeon seems surprised, like he was expecting a much bigger fight. "I am sorry, Sehun."

"Aht aht," Sehun raises a finger, finally looking at his boss. "I said I believe you, not that I forgive you. You still have a lot of grovelling to do."

Junmyeon stares at him, an expression of confusion intermingled with disbelief. Sehun spies the tiniest of tugs at the corner of his lips. He's finding it funny.

"You're ruthless, Sehun," the older man says with a slight shake of his head. "But it's nothing less than I deserve. I'll spend the rest of my life seeking your forgiveness, Mr Oh."

Sehun knows he's making light of the situation, and honestly, he's quite glad. The last thing he needs is things to become too heavy and intense with his boss when he's only been working with him less than a week.

This kind of thing could only happen to him.

"You better, Mr Kim," Sehun says, resuming his gaze out of the window. "I'm holding you to it."

***

Junmyeon has a vocal lesson before rehearsal, one of the only parts of his schedule Sehun isn't allowed to intrude on. His vocal coach says it's because Junmyeon can't afford any distractions at such a pivotal point, Sehun demands to know what kind of distraction he'd serve if he sat in the corner on his phone the whole time, to which the coach replied, "Honey, with a face like that, you're a distraction to everyone in a fifty mile radius."

So Sehun has been delegated to keep an eye on Junmyeon's dressing room, not that there's much activity when he's not in here. The makeup artist, a bubbly Australian girl called Chaeyoung whom Sehun has grown to like, sets up her station before disappearing, saying something about bagels just as she's walking out of the door.

Sehun sprawls out on the sofa, scrolling through his phone and trying not to let the boredom drive him to insanity. He's already checked Twitter three times this morning, by now he's probably worn the pads of his thumbs down refreshing his timeline every ten seconds. There's only so many humorous things Chanyeol can retweet at a time to keep him entertained.

He checks his emails, though there's nothing new there; just the usual correspondence from Jongdae. Sehun doesn't know why the manager insists on checking up on him when he knows full well Junmyeon reports back to him every day (he may have peeked over Junmyeon's shoulder when he happened to be texting Jongdae, it was a complete accident, you understand.)

When the door opens, he expects it to be Junmyeon returning even though he said he'd be at least an hour and it's only been twenty minutes. To his muted horror, he realises its Joohyun sweeping in like a small tornado, iPad in hand and countenance meaning business.

Don't get him wrong, Sehun doesn't mind Joohyun, she's cordial enough and even smiles occasionally, even though it looks like it physically pains her. To some extent, Sehun can even see her appeal; if you like utterly terrifying women (some guys dig that, he's not judging) but to Sehun, her intimidating aura gives him the willies. And he's not an easily cowed man.

As she walks past, she knocks his feet off the arm of the sofa with her knee, tutting under her breath. "Did your parents not teach you any manners?"

Sehun imagines himself jumping to his feet, clicking his heels, saluting to her and shouting 'Sir, yes Sir!' which somehow eases some of his nerves. Joohyun could crush him like a bug under her stiletto, and he's under no delusion she wouldn't do it without hesitation.

"They taught me enough."

He eases himself into an upright position. His back was starting to hurt anyway.

"Don't you have anything else to be doing?" She asks, tapping away on the iPad.

"I mean... don't you? You're here grilling me when..." He lets his voice trail off. Joohyun looks up at him and narrows her eyes.

"I think you'll find I do plenty for Junmyeon. More than you seem to do, anyway. I've seen you around here all week and yet I can't think of one single thing you've done."

"That's my job, see; I keep this show running so smoothly you don't even realise I've lifted a finger."

Joohyun snorts and it's the most undignified she's ever sounded. "You're so full of shit. If it wasn't so funny I'd be pissed off. I have no idea how you get away with it, especially with Junmyeon. He turns into a little schoolboy around you."

Sehun tries not to let himself look visibly shocked, but it's extremely difficult. At first he's certain he's heard Joohyun wrong, and once it's affirmed he did hear her correctly, he assumes she's saying it to get at him;, or to try and gauge if he has a crush on his boss to report straight back to him.

It's going to take more than that to crack him.

Sehun flutters his eyelashes. "Who can blame him?"

"Minseok, apparently."

Gulp.

Joohyun must see him physically falter because a smirk takes over her porcelain features. Without saying another word she slips out of the room, knowing the damage has been done.

With a sigh, Sehun falls back onto the couch and tilts his head back, closing his eyes in consideration. Just how much do Junmyeon's staff know about him? What has Minseok told them? Admittedly, Sehun knows he should've treated the older man with more respect during their last encounter; but he just couldn't help himself. Minseok doesn't try to hide the fact he's burned his bridges so why should Sehun take his shit? Minseok of all people should know Sehun doesn't take too kindly to laying down.

He'll just have to talk to him; beg, plead, get on his knees and grovel for him to keep his mouth shut. Although it's unlikely he'd lose his job over this, he still doesn't want to have to deal with workplace drama. When he worked in the jewellery store he was thrust into the middle of an affair between his two female managers, and somehow all of the fallback landed on him when he was just an innocent bystander; he just happened to walk into the lunchroom at the wrong time to see them dry humping each other on the table.

He tries to come up with one reason why it matters what the rest of Junmyeon's team think about him, before realising it's Junmyeon's opinion he cares about.

The realisation sends a cold feeling crawling up his spine.

Junmyeon returns an hour later, a towel wrapped around his shoulders like a boxer. Sehun can't imagine what part of a vocal lesson is strenuous enough to be sweating that much, but hey, what does he know?

"You okay?" He catches the bottle of water Sehun tosses him (strawberry flavoured, as a treat.) "You look like you've seen a ghost."

"Nope. Everything is fine." Sehun is painfully aware of the edge in his voice, like he's daring Junmyeon to challenge him.

"Was Joohyun in here?" His boss pauses and sniffs delicately.

"What are you doing?"

"I can smell her perfume. She was here, right?"

"She popped in, I think. I wasn't really paying attention."

Junmyeon turns on his heel to look directly at his assistant, a smirk tugging his lips. "She gave you the business, didn't she?"

"No," Sehun says sulkily. Then, "Yeah. She did."

"I knew it," the older man chuckles. "She does it to everyone, don't take it personally. She's just making sure you have what it takes to work with me."

"Oh, well that makes it all right then," Sehun says faintly. "That excuses the mild hernia and chest palpitations she gave me. It's all forgiven!"

"She means well." Even Junmyeon's voice falters a little, punctuating the silence in which Sehun glares at him with a sip of water. "Most of the time, at least."

He motions for Sehun to move over on the sofa so he can flop down heavily, letting out a groan. He spreads his limbs as far as they'll reach, causing Sehun to squash against the arm rest, side-eyeing him in annoyance.

"You're acting like you ran a marathon."

"It feels like I did. I haven't had a lesson in a while so it's wiped me out." Junmyeon flings his head back and shuts his eyes, mirroring the same position Sehun was in. His assistant tries not to watch his prominent Adam's apple bobbing in his muscular neck.

"Well I'm not giving you a massage or rubbing you down with oil before you ask."

Junmyeon cracks an eye open, observing Sehun for a few seconds. "Actually, I do want a massage."

Sehun splutters. "I refuse."

"That's fine." Junmyeon stretches like a cat, holding his arms high above his head until something in his back clicks. "But you'll lose your job. So it's up to you."

Sehun scowls at him, jaw hard and pulse visibly jumping in his neck. "You're a bad man. I could take this to the media if I wanted. Saying that you're a manipulative black-mailer who-"

"Sehun."

With a dramatic sigh, Sehun stands to his feet and casts Junmyeon one last scathing look, before moving around the back of the sofa. Junmyeon leans forward so Sehun has easier access to his shoulders and the top of his back. The older man sheds his hoodie which leaves him in a thin t-shirt. Sehun tries not to dwell on the muscles and veins separated by the thin cotton, but it's even harder when he actually has his hands on Junmyeon and can feel them.

Sehun has only given a few massages in his life, all of them as part of foreplay with little focus on actually working the tension in the muscles, so he's unsure of how to give one properly; especially to his boss. He knows Junmyeon wouldn't actually fire him over something so trivial, but there's the overhanging possibility that things could quickly become intimate which his boss certainly wouldn't be pleased about.

Sehun claps his hands on Junmyeon's shoulders, a little too roughly, then hesitates. Junmyeon coughs not so subtly, so he starts to make a move. He massages the skin on Jumyeon's muscular shoulders, his eyes practically fall out of his head when he feels the sheer strength in them. His thumb finds a knot in the right one, so he begins working it out. Junmyeon makes a small noise that indicates he's pleased.

"That's been bugging me for days," the older man mumbles.

His assistant moves his hands down slightly, working the area just near his armpits. Junmyeon pulls away with a small gasp, causing Sehun to raise his eyebrows inquisitively.

"What's wrong, sir?"

"I'm j-just a bit ticklish," he mumbles, slowly leaning back into Sehun's touch.

"How cute," the assistant coos, sounding anything but sincere.

He gets back to work, knowing that the sooner he gets back to it the quicker this will be over. While Junmyeon may be enjoying himself, it's torture for Sehun. Not even because he wants to take things too far, but because he's far too close to Junmyeon for comfort. Sehun knows his job is hardly conventional, yet even this is crossing some kind of boundary. Surely Junmyeon is rich enough to hire physicians and masseuses to handle this kind of problem.

Sehun just mashes and squeezes Junmyeon's flesh in the best way he can, hoping it's working. This whole fiasco is so painful he just wants it to be over. He must be doing something right because Junmyeon is practically purring beneath him.

"Down a bit," his boss instructs, shifting his body so the problem area is easier to reach. Sehun is glad that it's on his left shoulder and not further, because his hands were travelling a bit too southward for his liking.

"God," the older man's voice breaks slightly. "Yeah. There. That's good."

Sehun presses his thumbs deeper into Junmyeon's muscles- hey, he might as well do a good job while he's here.

Only when one of the stage hands knocks on the dressing room door do they break apart. As loathed as he is to admit it, Sehun had lost track of time. Getting over the official mortification of giving his (albeit hot) boss a massage, it didn't feel as weird as he anticipated. He tried to forget whose body his hands were roaming, concentrating so fiercely on this that he'd forgotten himself.

"Thanks, Sehun." Junmyeon pulls his hoodie on. "I needed that. Now I know who to call on next time."

"There won't be a next time, sir."

As Junmyeon goes over to his canvas chair and prepares himself for the makeup process, he tries to ignore the unwelcome tightness in his jeans.

***

By Sunday, Sehun feels the best he has all week. Previous complaints aside, Sehun feels like he's slowly becoming acclimatised to this strange new job role; he's survived what felt like the longest seven days of his life, so he assumes it can only go up from here. He's gotten over the initial hurdle, which, admittedly, he was uncertain he'd even manage to clear. He's not ashamed to admit he's proud of himself.

Last night he turned down Chanyeol's offer to go drinking and he already feels like a new person. A newly-blossomed, mature Sehun who now regularly checks his email and wears button ups every day for work. The sudden shift had initially terrified him, but he likes it now. It gives him a spring in his step, urges his spine up a little straighter and holds his shoulders with pride.

Today, he arranges to meet Junmyeon directly at the theatre. Something about his boss being held up and not arriving until later. This suits Sehun down to the ground. He gets an extra twenty minutes of sleep (not that he really needs it, he had nine hours last night! How responsible!) and has time to grab his own coffee at Starbucks.

The usual team are already bunkered down in the dressing room, looking like they've been here all night and, thinking about it, they probably have. Sehun vividly remembers Junmyeon telling him there were a few futons hidden away in case staff or performers needed to stay overnight for whatever reason. Sehun hopes with all his being that he too doesn't get roped into a sleepover with Junmyeon one night.

It's unusual for Junmyeon to ever be late, not with how strict his schedule is. Every minute of his day is mapped out and he's expected to follow it or else. So for him to turn up at the theatre twenty minutes later than the time he told his assistant, fills Sehun with a sick sort of glee. He's going to be in so much trouble with Joohyun, who has been pacing the halls like a caged bull for fifteen minutes. For once the heat won't be on Sehun.

Plus, he's looking forward to seeing Junmyeon get his ass kicked.

When Junmyeon walks into the dressing room, Sehun is shocked. His boss is pale and clammy, eyes bloodshot and ringed with purple, drowning his fit body in his oldest and baggiest clothes. He moves carefully, with trepidation, and bumps into the sofa on the way to the canvas chair.

Sehun smirks wickedly. He's hungover.

"Good night, sir?" Sehun asks cheerily, making a show of bouncing energetically on the heels of his feet. He's going to be in so much trouble.

Junmyeon groans, burying his head in his hands. "Don't," he croaks, voice thick and scratchy. Sehun, for an infinitesimal moment, reflects on how sexy he sounds before returning to his teasing.

"I didn't think you had it in you, sir. Especially on a work day." He clucks in tongue, mimicking the tone his mother has used on him so many times. "I wonder what Joohyun will say."

Junmyeon freezes, looking even more pallid. "Oh God, she's not mad is she?"

Sehun grins. "I guess you're just gonna have to find out."

As if on cue, the dressing room door bangs open with such force it almost rips a chunk out of the drywall. Joohyun is stood on the threshold, her pretty face contorted tightly with barely concealed rage. Sehun can just about see the steam pouring out of her ears, hear the high-pitched whistling of a kettle on boil.

Yeah, she's mad.

"So," her voice is deadly calm, a juxtaposition of her appearance. "You decided to show up to work eventually, Junmyeon?"

"Traffic was bad?"

"Yes, I hear the backstreets from Bar Cham to here are particularly busy at seven am on a Sunday morning." There is so much vitriol laced in her tone that even Sehun recoils, but that's more so he falls out of her line of sight so she can't unexpectedly turn on him. "Your photos are all over the tabloids, you imbecile!"

Joohyun throws her iPad down on the dresser with such vigour it's a wonder the whole thing doesn't crack. Sehun peers over Junmyeon's shoulder to read the article displayed on the screen.

Kim Junmyeon seen with third mystery woman of the month!

Underneath the headline is a grainy photo of a figure that could possibly resemble Junmyeon, and a smaller one which must be the woman in question. No matter how hard Sehun squints, he still can't make out either of them. It must've been a dedicated fan who snapped the blurry shot in a hurry, obviously recognising their idol.

"It's not what it looks like-"

"I don't care!" Joohyun snaps. "Minseok and Jongdae are on their way over right now. Rehearsals have been postponed until we sort this shit out. Think on that while you're waiting, Junmyeon."

She slams out of the room, already talking on the phone to someone- presumably Minseok. Junmyeon continues to helplessly stare at the iPad, looking like he wants the ground to swallow him whole. Even Sehun feels a trickle of sympathy for him.

"On the bright side, you can't even tell it's you."

Junmyeon groans. "She's my friend's girlfriend. I've known her ever since elementary school. God, I wish people wouldn't fucking spy on me."

Sehun has never heard him curse before, he's usually far too composed for that, so to hear him come a little bit undone almost brings a smile to his face. It turns out that Junmyeon is human just like everyone else, no matter how much he tries to disprove this.

"Aren't you used to this kind of thing? Didn't you think to have some kind of precautions?"

His boss sighs. "I thought my fans would respect me more than that. It probably wasn't even a fan, just a random person on the street who thought they'd sell my photos for cash. It happens all the time. That doesn't make it any better."

Sehun presses his lips tightly together. Junmyeon narrows his eyes at him.

"What?"

"Nothing, sir. Just that; surely all your wealth, accolades and fame should make up for it."

Junmyeon breathes heavily through his nose. "You don't understand. You never will."

"And I thank God for that every day."

"I'm not expecting-"

"For me to sympathise? No, I don't. You wanted all of this when you walked into your first audition. And now you have it. Excuse me for not understanding your rhetoric."

Junmyeon falls quiet, not meeting his assistant's eyes.

"When I was at university, I lived in a one hundred square feet room with another person. There were nights where I'd come home from eighteen hours of dance practise and I couldn't eat because I couldn't afford it; I relied on my family and friend's charity and I didn't get that most of the time. My first apartment on campus had a bug infestation and we couldn't afford an exterminator, our fridge was practically empty for three weeks of the month because we were broke college students. I went through four years of hell to get my degree and to this day I have nothing to fucking show for my hard work. You have everything. So excuse me for not falling for the badly-done-by act, because frankly it makes me sick."

Sehun breathes out tightly through his nose, out of breath from his harangue. He falls back onto the sofa without another word. Junmyeon hasn't moved in minutes.

"Sehun, I'm-"

"I don't care. Just think before you start spouting bullshit in future."

They remain in silence until Minseok arrives. He strides purposefully into the room, much more composed than Joohyun, with the grim determination of a man on a mission. Junmyeon doesn't even attempt to greet him, choosing to keep his head down and remain meek. Sehun wonders if he'd be putting up more of a fight if he wasn't still drunk from last night, or if he's truly remorseful for his actions.

"Who was she?" Minseok sounds tired.

"Sooyoung's girlfriend, Yerim."

Minseok clicks his tongue. "Not a woman you paid for a good time?"

"No!"

"Junmyeon, I don't care who you sleep with or what you do in your private life, I care about when you get caught."

"Where's Jongdae?" Junmyeon's voice is small.

"About two minutes away. You needn't think you're getting off easy with him. He's had to leave Hyoson on his only day off."

"It's honestly not a big deal," Junmyeon begins to appeal. "I'll just explain-"

"You're not touching social media," Minseok cuts in coldly. "Not after last time. I still have nightmares about it, and I'm sure Minjee does too."

Junmyeon slumps back in his chair, shutting his eyes and wishing this would all go away. He wants to protest his innocence, placate Minseok by telling him that he's twenty seven and should be able to live an ordinary life of someone his age; but with Sehun glaring holes into the back of his head he knows he can't. His assistant's words are still ringing around in his fuzzy mind, the only thing of the past twelve hours that has any clarity.

Jongdae arrives next, looking equally as pissed off as Joohyun did.

"Back to your old tricks, Junmyeon?" He says loudly, slamming his briefcase down and buttoning a button that fell open on his jacket. "That's three in a month, a new record even for you."

"It was Yerim, Sooyoung's girlfriend," Junmyeon iterates dully for the third time. His tone holds no conviction, sounding like a man defeated. There is a large part of Sehun that's glad. Let him suffer. Sehun has never been able to stand spoiled little rich boys.

"I don't care if it's the Queen of fucking England, we're sorting this out now. You're on a recreation ban for a month, Yukhei will monitor your activity outside of work hours when Sehun isn't there to keep an eye on you. If I even get so much as a hint that you're stepping foot outside of your apartment I'll nail your balls to the damn wall. Do we understand each other?"

Junmyeon's mouth opens and closes in disbelief. "A month? It's Sooyoung's birthday in two weeks time!"

"You should've thought about that before you were draping yourself all over her girlfriend." Jongdae sounds so cold and clinical that Sehun wonders if the man ever considered a career in the army. He'd even scare the living daylights out of his grandfather (admittedly that wouldn't take much these days, he recoils at the sight of his own shadow.)

Junmyeon's jaw is set hard. "Okay. You've proved your point. What else?"

"I'll pay off the paps, I'm used to it by now," Minseok waves a dismissive hand. "I'll offer them another story, tip the wink you're in line to audition for My Best Friend's Brother. That should keep them quiet. I'll leak an old photo of you and Yerim too, don't worry- I won't mention her and Sooyoung's relationship. That should take care of your fans for the time being. I'll set up a Q&A livestream at the end of the month for you too."

"You seem to be forgetting your image these days, Junmyeon," remarks Jongdae. "You know you have an image to maintain- one that doesn't involve being a womaniser."

"I'm not-"

"I don't give a crap whether you are, just don't be so careless. You're not called the nation's boyfriend for nothing, Junmyeon. Even the old ladies love you, you've got to be mindful of that."

"Got it." Junmyeon's voice is so quiet its barely registered, his fists subtly balling up and resting on his thighs.

Jongdae emits an almighty sigh. "Sehun, will you get me a latte? I didn't have time for one this morning."

Sehun springs to his feet, eager to be free of the awkward atmosphere that threatens to choke him. He doesn't ask Minseok if he wants anything too, it would only heighten the tension in the room.

He scurries down the hall to the kitchenette where the espresso machine is. Hopefully the staff haven't used up all the milk, they have an annoying habit of doing this. Sehun doubts he has time to go to the store and get some more, Jongdae doesn't seem to be in the mood to be left waiting this morning.

Sehun is surprised to see Chaeyoung in the kitchenette. She squeaks in surprise and her arms fly behind her back, blinking up at him innnocently.

"Hi, Sehun!" She says cheerfully. "How are you this morning?"

"What've you got behind your back?" He questions, trying to peer around her.

With a sigh, she reveals a bottle of expensive champagne which makes Sehun blink in surprise. "It was supposed to be a secret. Jun said we should celebrate your one week of working with us with champagne, don't tell him I told you! He was really proud of himself."

Upon hearing this, Sehun feels the strangest stabbing sensation deep in his chest. His throat closes for a few seconds, blinking at the bottle in Chaeyoung's grasp. If it was coming from anyone else, he'd think it was a joke.

"I... Thanks," he tries not to let himself get choked up. "But you might want to put the celebrations on hold; Junmyeon is with Jongdae and Minseok. He's in deep shit."

Chaeyoung gasps. "Really? What happened?"

"He was spotted with some girl last night and the media is having a field day, obviously."

The makeup artist sighs. "We've told him and better told him to be careful, everyone is willing to sell him out. I thought he'd have learnt after last time." She shakes her head. "Oh well, maybe this time he'll see sense. Call for me when you need me."

"Will do."

She leaves the champagne on the counter before sauntering out of the room, nose buried in her phone. While Sehun makes Jongdae's latte, he eyes the bottle of Dom Pérignon Rosé. It is, without a doubt, the fanciest liquor he's ever had his hands on. It makes the champagne they drink in the nightclub look like pisswater even though Baekhyun bemoans the price of it.

Sehun can't get his head around it. Why would Junmyeon go so far as to do such a thoughtful- and expensive- gesture for him? He's just his personal assistant after all, he's only known his boss a week. And they've spent half of that time at loggerheads about something or other. No matter which way Sehun looks at it, he doesn't understand. Can't.

When the espresso machine pings, Sehun hastily makes his way back to the dressing room. None of the tension has dissipated, but Jongdae and Minseok are chatting about football scores, like the half hour hasn't just happened. Junmyeon is still glaring hard at his reflection, like he's willing himself to turn to stone.

"This is good," Jongdae remarks after the first sip. "I'm surprised."

"I was a barista, remember?"

"And now you're keeping rowdy superstars in check. Strange what life throws at you, isn't it?"

Sehun neither agrees nor disagrees.

It's a while before either of Junmyeon's superiors leave, clearly contented with using the dressing room as a meeting room. Sehun tunes out of what they're saying, subtly looking down at his phone, not that either men acknowledge his presence.

Junmyeon doesn't bid them goodbye when they leave. Minseok just laughs and calls him a brat, which makes a vein jump in the actor's neck. Once they close the door, it's like a huge weight is lifted from Sehun's chest. Junmyeon's shoulder's visibly relax too, he emits a long breath that sounds like he's been holding it in ever since they arrived.

"That was rough," Sehun concedes. Not empathetically, simply matter-of-fact. "What're you gonna do?"

"I don't have much choice but to go along with it." Junmyeon's voice surprises Sehun, it sounds much more soft and hurt than he initially expected. He's probably stewed on his anger for long enough now.

"I didn't have you down for a womaniser," Sehun remarks breezily. "You keep a very good public face."

His boss' face screws up, for an ephemeral moment he looks torn, like he's about to come out with something profound, before thinking better of it.

"I'm not," he states flatly. "It's just character assassination. The media have always done it."

"How is it character assassination when it's true?"

"It's-" The older man cuts himself off. "I'm not doing this."

Sehun sucks his tongue thoughtfully, speaking no more.

***

They end up having the champagne later on in the evening, once Junmyeon has calmed down and recovered from the injustices of the morning. Sehun acts surprised and grits out the most genuine thanks he can muster, which seems to satisfy Junmyeon to no end. Both men pretend everything is fine, even though they're aware of the slight shift that has occurred today.

Chapter 5: Chapter Five

Junmyeon has a photoshoot and an interview that is guaranteed to last all day. Him and Sehun are already on the way to the location at seven am, both of them still wiping sleep out of their eyes. Sehun has quickly become accustomed to early mornings, he even gets up before Jongin which never happened with any of his other jobs. Although his best friend doesn't gush, Sehun knows he's proud of him. And for once, he lets himself absorb it all. 

It's been twelve days since Junmyeon's recreation ban, he's slowly getting better. For the first few days he was unbearably cranky, threatening to fire both Jongdae and Minseok; but his superiors did their job, Junmyeon's scandal was forgotten about and overshadowed with the tip off that he was auditioning for another role in a drama. His fans seem to have forgotten about the whole ordeal. Sehun knows that the photos of Yerim are scheduled to 'leak' tomorrow, which should only bolster Junmyeon's position. 

All in all, Sehun thinks he's gotten off far too easily. 

Joohyun was frosty for a few days, only speaking monosyllabically or snapping at Junmyeon, before she let it go too, realising there was no point in continuing to punish him when he'd seemingly learnt his lesson this time. Sehun isn't so sure he has, but only time will tell. 

The journey to the location is about an hour of the city, so both men have settled in it for the long haul. Junmyeon watches Netflix on his iPad while Sehun listens to music and stares out of the window. 

"You do that a lot," Junmyeon observes. "Looking dreamily out of the window, like you're in some kind of drama."

"Are you looking to me for pointers? Because I can't help you in that audition, sir."

"I told you to call me Junmyeon. Sometimes I feel like you deliberately do it just to annoy me."

Sehun widens his eyes in faux innocence. "Surely you don't think that little of me?"

The older man rolls his eyes, muttering a 'brat' under his breath. Sehun represses his smirk, knowing he's already gotten on his nerves so early in the morning. 

It's become like a game to him, seeing how far he can push Junmyeon until his well put-together façade crumbles and the glimpse of the real man behind it all is revealed. Albeit, he's never lost his temper with Sehun or even raised his voice, his preferred method of dealing with it is to sulk and become as petulant as possible. But Sehun will keep trying, he's determined to make Junmyeon snap and reveal his true personality.

"Have you heard anything more from Jongdae?" Sehun queries. He might as well make conversation during the long ride. Junmyeon will only fill in the silence with his babbling if he doesn't take initiative. 

"No," his boss sighs. "I've never seen him so angry with me. Minseok too. I don't know why, they know I'm not that type of person."

"The pictures were incriminating enough to make you believe it," Sehun shrugs. "You can't blame them, or your fans. Though I don't think the elderly part of your fanbase has access to online media."

Junmyeon swats at him but there's nothing behind it. "They like me because I'm good-looking, charming and polite. It'd do you good to take a leaf out of my book, Sehun."

"And lose my edge? Not a chance, sir."

"I'd certainly like you a lot better if you knew when to keep your mouth shut."

"It's a good thing you're paying me to be your assistant and not your friend, then."

At his harsh words, Junmyeon falls silent. His eyes drop to the floor, staring at the pattern on his  sneakers. What started out as playful (borderline flirty?) banter has turned a full one-eighty, now Junmyeon's feelings are hurt. It's ridiculous, because he shouldn't let Sehun's snarky comments hold so much weight. The younger man is his personal assistant, so by every means, Junmyeon owns him. Has the power to make him do whatever he says (proved by the day he gave him a massage) with little retaliation- like all the rest of his assistants. Except Sehun has attitude; he protests, he fights, he complains, but at the end of the day he gets the job done and he does it well. 

Junmyeon should dislike him for his subordination, but the startling thing is, is that he finds it whimsical. 

It could be Sehun's cold, sharp good-looks that let him get away with more than most people; it's hard to tell off such a beautiful face. Junmyeon knows he certainly doesn't have the strength for it.

"You know," the older man clears his throat, determined not to let his assistant get the better of him. "There doesn't have to be such a big divide."

"It's a bad idea mixing business and pleasure," Sehun says seriously. "I thought you of all people would know that."

Junmyeon guffaws. "Like working with you gives me any pleasure, Sehun."

But he cannot remedy the stabbing feeling in his chest at the rejection. 

***

The theme of Junmyeon's photoshoot can only be described as 'Prince Charming.' He's dressed  in all white, seemingly highlighting his innocent image- whether this was a deliberate move on his team's behalf is unknown. He's dressed in a white, floaty shirt made of silk, the deep v of the neckline brushes his flawless clavicle. His trousers are sheer too, paired with pristine white dress shoes and a fine gold chain around his neck. 

He looks like he's just stepped out of a Disney movie with his perfectly coiffed hair, pale pink lipstick emphasising his plump lips, shiny eyelids and natural-looking eyeliner. Sehun's heart constricts in his chest when he sees his boss walking out of his trailer, he averts his eyes so quickly it hurts. 

"What do you think?" His boss asks, turning a full circle on his feet and gesturing at his body widely. Sehun battles to keep his face impassive.

"Very, uh... Biblical?"

Junmyeon huffs. "I'm meant to be a prince."

"Hardly. But they nailed the Virgin Mary look."

Junmyeon, who gives it as good as he gets, whose snark can parallel Sehun's when he puts his mind to it, whose tongue is sharp, gets flustered and blushes at any mention of sex.

Sehun's had some fun over the past couple of weeks with it, dropping as many innuendos as possible just to see his superior dissolve into red, stuttering hot mess. 

"It's not supposed to-" Junmyeon cuts himself off, fanning his face. "Can I get a bottle of water?"

Sehun bows low, sweeping his arm down regally. "Of course, Your Majesty."

He hurries away before Junmyeon can hit him upside the head or lecture him for his cheekiness, he's suffered too many of those during his time working for the superstar. Yet, every time he reprimands him, Sehun can tell there's no vitriol behind it; almost like Junmyeon is scolding him because he feels like he should, like he's making an example of him, not because he feels like Sehun warrants it. 

Weaving in between the staff who are flocking around Junmyeon, preparing him for his photoshoot, Sehun makes his way to the trestle table laden down with food and drinks; most of them are for Junmyeon but because he's only one man (on a very strict diet) the rest will go to the team. Only the other day did Junmyeon's dietician send Sehun an email with his boss' food plan. Junmyeon told him to ignore it and Sehun bought him a chocolate bar anyway. 

By the time Sehun returns, Junmyeon has been swept onto the set and is nowhere in sight. Hopefully he's calmed down from Sehun's innuendo, or they'll have to cake him in three more layers of foundation to eradicate the redness in his cheeks. 

The photographer is annoying and sets Sehun's hackles up; his voice is nasally, the ten foot radius surrounding him smells like stale cigarettes, he keeps giving Junmyeon all these demands that no one- let alone the man in question- understands, and to top it all off he's wearing a fucking beret. 

Sehun takes an instant dislike to the man, judging by Junmyeon's perturbed expression, he does too. 

"He's one of the best photographers in the industry," Chaeyoung whispers to Sehun as they stand on the sideline and watch. Chaeyoung is there on hand in case Junmyeon's eyeliner smudges or something, and Sehun is there for moral support he supposes. Oh, he's the water boy. Yeah, that's it.

To the guy's credit, he certainly has a vision. Junmyeon's backdrop is extravagant and kind of breathtaking, though Sehun is loathed to admit it; and when a pure white horse is escorted onto the set Sehun thinks the dramatics have infected him and he might actually pass out.

Junmyeon seems intimidated by the horse, though he doesn't outwardly express it. Sehun can tell just from observing his body movements; the shuffling anxiously on his feet, tossing his head back, biting his thumb (and that's just the horse, ha!). Sehun didn't realise how attuned he'd become to Junmyeon in such a short space of time until the reality was right there in his face, repeatedly slapping him and making it into a much bigger deal than it should. 

Of course you know the guy, Sehun tries to tell himself, half distracted by watching Junmyeon try to get his foot into the stirrup (he's too short to do it on his own, Sehun locks this information into the back of his mind to taunt him with later). You spend twelve hours plus a day with him, every single day of the week. It's inevitable you'd start to notice these things. 

He's not entirely sure why the revelation makes him so uneasy, so it's best to not think about it. 

Instead he focuses on watching Junmyeon struggling to position himself in the saddle, obviously unaccustomed to the sensation. The horse wrangler stands with the reins in her hands, giving him pointers and demonstrating how to hold his body. Sehun snickers behind his palm. It probably would've been wise to give Junmyeon a lesson or two before the shoot, because now his whole elegant aura is ruined by his poor posture like a sack of potatoes. 

At one point, Sehun catches Junmyeon's eye from across the room. The younger man flashes him a thumbs up, which, surprisingly, is genuine, because watching his boss struggle like this is just painful. Junmyeon grimaces in return, completely ignoring what the photographer is barking at him and focusing solely on Sehun. Like he's the only person in the room. 

Then the moment is over, almost as quickly as they conjured it. Junmyeon drags his eyes away and focuses on his instructions, holding his spine straighter, jutting his chin out and looking much more poised. 

Now, Sehun wouldn't say that was his influence, but it was too coincidental to not be.

The shoot lasts a few more hours, in which Sehun grows increasingly bored. He chats idly to Chaeyoung for a while before she slinks away to call her girlfriend, so he plays on his phone, then decides to do something productive and check his emails. Amazingly, nothing has come through since last night, which must be some kind of record. Ever since working for Junmyeon he's constantly had a full inbox. 

Eventually, Junmyeon (saddle sore and pride wounded) is told he's free to go. He heads straight to his trailer to take off his makeup and put his normal clothes back on. Sehun hangs around outside, but is surprised when Junmyeon beckons him to follow with a crooked finger. Feeling like he's doing something illegal, Sehun looks around before trotting after his boss. As fun as it is to wind him up, when he's given a direct command Sehun knows he must obey. 

They're the only two in the trailer, which makes Sehun feel a lot weirder than he'd like. Junmyeon is already sat at the dressing table, attacking his face with a makeup wipe and grumbling under his breath. He does this a lot, only adding more fuel to Sehun's claims that he's an old man. 

Sehun stops dead and sniffs the air delicately. "Do you smell that? It smells like... horse."

Junmyeon whips a wet makeup wipe at him, but with the amount of entertainment it gives him, Sehun decides it's worth it. 

"You're no cowboy, sir."

"I could've told you that," he responds, swiping the wipe across his eyelids. Somehow, he looks even handsomer when he's barefaced. It just isn't fair. "That was probably one of the most embarrassing things that's ever happened to me."

"It was an honour to share such a momentous milestone with you."

"Let me guess; you're a virtuoso on horseback?"

"Close. My mother was a racehorse, actually."

Junmyeon scoffs. "That explains the gangly limbs."

"They would've come in handy when you were trying to get on. You looked like a worm." Sehun does a harsh but accurate impression of Junmyeon flailing to get in the saddle, and if it was anyone else poking fun of him, Junmyeon would've fired them on the spot. But it gives Sehun such satisfaction, how can he deny him of it?

Besides, deep down Junmyeon knows he's right.

"What you have in good-looks you lack for in personality."

"Not all of us can be so blessed as to having both, can we, sir?"

Junmyeon snorts, shaking himself to his head. It's pointless trying to fight with Sehun, it's just too funny. 

"Make yourself useful and pass me my clothes."

Sehun hands him the grey bundle of sweatpants and matching hoodie, thrusting it into his chest which causes him to stumble slightly. 

"Oh, hang on." Sehun pauses, before brushing something on Junmyeon's shoulder. His boss looks at him in confusion. "You just had some hay."

The older man glowers at him. "I hate you."

***

It's the day before Sooyoung's birthday, and Junmyeon has given Sehun the task of heading to the mall to try and find a suitable gift for her. As always, he has Junmyeon's black card burning a hole in his wallet with the instructions to buy whatever he deems suitable regardless of the price. 

"She likes jewellery," is all Junmyeon supplies him with, before he has to be whisked away to dress rehearsals. "And fashion. You can figure out the rest."

The thing is, is that Sehun can't. This may come as a surprise, but Sehun has had little female influence in his life; apart from his mother and a various array of aunties he pretends to know at family occasions, and a few female friends he accidentally made throughout his academic career. He doesn't know the first thing about the female species, apart from the fact he's never been attracted to them. 

Undeterred, Sehun faces the task head-on. He's too stubborn to admit defeat, and telling Junmyeon he doesn't have the slightest clue about women would just be opening a whole can of worms that he can't face on a Friday. So he plays along like it's fine, until he's stood in the entrance of the mall without the slightest clue of where to head first. 

He decides going to the jewellery store is his best bet, Junmyeon's words still ringing loud and clear in his mind. 

As he heads up the escalator, Sehun can't help but feel like this is all Jongdae's fault. If he'd just given Junmyeon a slap on the wrist after his scandal then Junmyeon would be the one with the burden of buying Sooyoung a present. Sehun doesn't even know the girl. How are you meant to find an adequate gift for someone you've never met before? Sure, Sehun dressed up a few times as Santa and visited orphanages on Christmas Eve, but he's no Father Christmas.

Walking into the air-conditioned store gives Sehun visceral flashbacks of his own jaunt working at a jewellery store on the high street. A chill courses through his body as he eyes the pristine display cabinets, the necklaces and brooches glittering menacingly through the glass. 

"Can I help you?" The girl behind the counter asks. She looks as bored as Sehun used to feel on his shifts, so he can hardly berate her for a lack of manners.

"It's my friend's birthday and I don't know what to get her," Sehun lies smoothly. "I just know she likes jewellery."

The girl raises her eyebrows, obviously thinking something along the lines of either 'what a bad friend' or 'what a weird man'. Sehun only knows this because similar things are currently running through his own mind. She's right, Junmyeon is a terrible friend; not only for leaving Sooyoung's present until last minute, but also making Sehun go through this embarrassment. 

("It's your job," Junmyeon had reiterated when Sehun protested. He's not sure whether his job description entails this at all, but he didn't have the energy to argue any further. He knows a lost fight when presented with one.)

"Do you have any specific pieces in mind?"

What do girls like? What's a good piece of jewellery to get someone you don't even know?

"Necklaces," Sehun says firmly. That's a good compromise; you don't need specific measurements for a necklace and there's always an abundance of designs available. 

He's lead over to the cases of necklaces, where the girl tells him that she'll be across the store if he requires any further assistance. Sehun refrains from asking her to pick one at random for some female insight. He doesn't need help. He's got this. 

Sehun picks his brain trying to think of anything Junmyeon has told him about Sooyoung which will help him make a decision, only to draw a blank. She's just a faceless name, a stranger who Sehun knows nothing about. 

He wishes he'd brought Chaeyoung with him. 

He's not sure how long he spends choosing a necklace, but in the end he picks the one encrusted with diamonds and with a chunky diamond pendant. It's in the middling price range too, so Sehun is pleased with his purchase. Although it has no sentimental value to him, he feels like Sooyoung will like it nonetheless. He knows he would if he was a girl.

(He wonders if he can get away with writing a note explaining that it was Junmyeon's personal assistant who chose the gift and not the man she presumes, before thinking better of it.)

Because the necklace was nowhere near as expensive as anticipated, Sehun decides to get her something else. Junmyeon told him she liked fashion, but because Sehun is clueless in that department unless he's buying for himself, he decides that perfume will be a good alternative. Everybody likes perfume. He can't go wrong.

The fragrance store is on the third storey of the mall, a place Sehun hardly frequents. He gets lost twice and has to consult the mall map, but he stumbles in eventually. Junmyeon didn't put a time limit on his shopping trip, though he will probably get twitchy if he's gone longer than two hours. As tempting as it is to run away with Junmyeon's black card, it's not worth the criminal record that would ensue. 

After twenty minutes of browsing and testing various scents, Sehun decides the Tom Ford fragrance is his favourite, therefore it will have to be Sooyoung's favourite too. His nose is numb from testing so many paper blotters and he has an uncontrollable sneezing fit in the middle of the store, the nearby customers glare at him and give him a wide berth. 

"Are you buying for your girlfriend?" The woman behind the counter asks, scanning the box. 

Sehun blanches, horrified. He's never been accused of being straight in his life, so the question leaves him unsettled. How are you even supposed to answer prying questions like these? Surely it isn't professional. 

"Yep," Sehun nods. "It's her birthday."

"How cute," the woman coos. "I hope you both have a wonderful day."

Sehun is still dazed five minutes later when he's walking out of the store. He pulls his phone out of his pocket and messages Baekhyun. 

Sehun: just got accused of being straight

Baekyuck: HA

Baekyuck: it's the baseball hats  

Sehun doesn't have the time to try and make sense of his friends nonsensical statement, so he simply locks his phone and hurries out of the mall. Junmyeon is probably already getting uneasy about the length of time he's been gone. 

When he returns to the theatre laden down with Sooyoung's gifts, Junmyeon isn't even in the dressing room, he's out on stage rehearsing. Sehun dumps the bags and heads out to the auditorium where he'll take a seat in the audience and wait until his boss is finished. He hates how his days revolve around Junmyeon and his schedule, it's like having a boyfriend, but Sehun is slowly coming to terms with the fact that this is just the nature of his job role. Yes it's unconventional, yes it's weird and taking a lot of getting used to; but the pay is good and the company isn't too bad either. 

It's two hours before Junmyeon is allowed a break. He's covered in a sheen of sweat, his heavy costume sticking to his body uncomfortably, his hair falling in wet strands across his forehead and his makeup slightly smudged- only visible if you get too close. Sehun's job entails him to be less than two feet away from him at all times, so he spots these imperfections straightaway. And yet, it makes Junmyeon endlessly more attractive. More palpable. More real. Like this, Sehun could reach out and touch him if he so desired, the lines between boss and employee become more blurred.

Sehun almost vomits when he thinks this. 

"You're back!" Junmyeon announces, shooting his oh-so-dazzling smile at Sehun. The one he uses when he's trying to be  smarmy. Sehun has become immune to it by now. "How did it go?"

"I got the stuff. If you don't like it then tough."

"Did you get my text?" Junmyeon wipes his sweaty hands off on his trousers, accepting a bottle of water from his assistant. 

"Text?" Repeats Sehun. He can't recall his phone going off at any point on the journey there or back, and when he looked at his phone to text Baekhyun, there was no notification that his boss had tried to contact him. 

"Yeah. I asked you to make a stop at La Rouge before you came back."

"The lingerie store? I didn't know you liked wearing fishnets and stockings, sir."

Junmyeon chokes mid sip, coughing up water down the front of his puffy shirt. Sehun smirks slightly. Two can play at this game. 

The older man flushes to the roots of his hair. "I didn't mean for me, you idiot! I meant for Sooyoung!"

Sehun quirks an eyebrow. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't it a bit weird for you to be lingerie shopping for your friend? Unless she's part of your harem and you're just lying to us."

"Harem?" Junmyeon repeats faintly. "What are you- oh! You little bastard." He scowls. "It was meant to be a joke, but you ruined it."

Sehun crosses his arms over his chest, shifting his weight. "You should know better than to try and one up me, sir. I'll outsmart you every time."

Junmyeon huffs, but, amazingly, doesn't argue.

***

"Sehun, a favour?"

Sehun stops dead, turning on his heel to face his boss. They've just been permitted to leave the theatre after a long and arduous day. It's getting late, too late for Sehun to get home and have a good nights sleep before he has to be here again in the morning; the last thing he wants to do is get caught up in a dialogue with Junmyeon. But, remembering he is his boss, Sehun prepares himself. 

"I was wondering if you could take me to Sooyoung's." Junmyeon announces it confidently enough, though it's obvious he's uncomfortable. The way he shifts on the balls of his feet, avoiding Sehun's eye speaks volumes. 

"I mean, of course," Sehun's eyebrows draw together. "I'm getting paid for it after all. But why don't you want to go with your driver?"

The older man sighs, running a hand through his now oily hair. "I'd rather not talk about it out in the open." He widens his eyes for emphasis.

"Sure. Come with me."

It feels strange having Junmyeon's commanding presence in his car. For as much as Sehun teases him, and knows what a loser he is behind the scenes, his boss certainly knows how to commandeer attention. Probably his most redeeming star quality. Whether he always had this ability or it only came to him once in the spotlight is hard to say, all Sehun knows is that when he's in close proximity, it's hard to keep your eyes off of him.  

It's a juxtaposition, having Junmyeon dressed head to toe in Balenciaga, sat in his car that cost less than his outfit. Sehun feels strangely defensive, his hackles are up and he remains on edge, just waiting for Junmyeon to make a cutting comment about his wealth- or lack thereof. Sehun grips the steering wheel unnecessarily tight, the leather creaks in protest. 

"Are you going to tell me what this is all about?" His voice comes out sharper than expected, something Junmyeon picks up on too. 

"I'm sick of being driven around like some sort of prisoner all the time," he grumbles. "For the past three weeks, Taeil has picked me up on a morning and then dropped me off at night. I'm not allowed to go anywhere or have any freedom. I'm going insane. I just thought..." He trails off, like he's unsure how to continue. "It would be a bit more freeing travelling with you."

Admittedly, Sehun certainly wasn't expecting this. He assumed Junmyeon would have some kind of ulterior motive, because deep inside, Sehun knows his boss isn't as innocent and selfless as he makes out to be. He thought that the older man would be using him for some kind of advantage. While Sehun is aware this reasoning is probably a cover-up, he lets himself be momentarily stunned. 

"You mean I won't snitch on you to Jongdae, right?"

Junmyeon sighs, an exasperated sound. "Just once, Sehun, don't fight me on things. Trust me when I tell you that isn't the reason."

His boss sounds so assertive that Sehun is almost lulled into a sense of security.  

He bites back whatever insults lay on the tip of his tongue, knowing when it's not worth pushing his luck. In his peripheral vision, he sees Junmyeon leaning his head against the window and staring hopelessly into the night. It looks like a scene from a music video, is the first disturbing thought that crosses Sehun's mind. The handsome but agonised protagonist lamenting over something the viewer can't see. 

Like the viewer, Sehun knows there is something more serious wrong with Junmyeon apart from the lack of freedom. Hell, the man barely has enough freedom even when he isn't on a social ban; his demanding schedule prohibits him from regularly meeting up with friends or getting to live like a normal human being. Sehun would know, considering this is his life too.   

"Is there something else that's bothering you, sir?"

Junmyeon tears his gaze away from the streaky city lights, looking oddly touched. "I... no. No. I'm fine. But thank you, Sehun." His voice is quiet, without the usual assurance he's normally so full of. Sehun can't help but think he's seeing his boss at his most vulnerable. 

They drive in silence until they reach Sooyoung's apartment block. Junmyeon pulls his hood up and puts his face mask on, telling Sehun he will only be a few minutes. Sehun knows that if Jongdae were here he would be screaming at Sehun for letting his boss out of his sight, because this is not what they agreed to. But Sehun doesn't care. Junmyeon needs this. Just a small glimpse of the outside world to sate him until his ban is over, and he remains still trapped but at ease knowing he possesses freedom if he really desires it. 

Sehun listens to the ballad playing on the radio as he waits, drumming his fingers carelessly against the steering wheel. It's nearly midnight, but Sehun is no longer tired. He thinks... He doesn't think he'd mind driving Junmyeon around the city all night. 

True to his word, his boss is opening the car door within five minutes. He wears a slightly crestfallen expression, eyes dull and gloomy. Sehun tries not to stare, unable to gauge his mood. 

"Everything okay?"

Junmyeon nods wordlessly. Then, "I hadn't actually told her about my social ban. I hoped Jongdae would lift it but... The long and short of it is that she's mad at me." He puts his seatbelt on, staring straight ahead. "She'll come around, but probably not for a while. Let's hope those gifts you got her sweeten her up."

Sehun waits tactfully, sensing Junmyeon isn't finished talking yet. 

"She called me selfish. Said it was all my fault." His lips turn down in sadness. "Maybe she's right. I don't know."

"I mean, she is." Sehun indicates at the junction. "It is your fault. You're a celebrity, you know people are watching your every move and you still do stupid shit. So yeah, she's right."

"So you think I'm selfish for trying to live a normal life?" Junmyeon's voice is sharp, teetering on aggressive.

Sehun rolls his eyes. "Calm down, I didn't say that. I meant you need to be more careful. And stop acting like such a baby when you're reprimanded."

Unable to help himself, Junmyeon snorts. "You're a fine one to talk. I've never come across such a brat in my life." 

"Yet you still keep me around."

"Out of pity. I want to give you a chance to get a better car than this rustbucket."

"Hey!" Sehun yells, causing Junmyeon to burst out laughing. "It is not- how could you even say that?"

"Because it's true!"

Sehun scowls. "I will crash this rustbucket and kill both of us."

Junmyeon grins, a silence settling over them. Surprisingly, he feels much better after talking to his assistant, which he didn't fathom possible. The younger man is usually so cold and dissociative, to see him warming up slightly brings Junmyeon far too much joy than he would ever admit. 

It makes him feel like that, just maybe, they're getting somewhere. 

They make it to Junmyeon's apartment complex just shy of 12:30. He's exhausted, bones heavy and weary, but he knows that he won't be able to settle for a while. Not that he particularly cares. He reckons that having this time with Sehun is worth the lack of sleep. 

"Just so you know," Sehun says, before Junmyeon opens the door. "I wouldn't actually rat you out to Jongdae."

A smile touches Junmyeon's face, warmth spreading to his chest. 

As far as compliments from Sehun go, this is one of the highest.

Notes:

thank you for the support with this work, i really love and enjoy writing it so much- sehun and junmyeon have one of my favourite dynamics and it’s such a pleasure to convey haha. what do you think of the story so far? thank you all so much for the support :D

Chapter 6: Chapter Six

Somehow, and Sehun isn't entirely sure how, but he ends up picking Junmyeon up and taking him home every day. If Taeil or Jongdae find it suspicious, nothing is mentioned. Hell, Sehun is hardly comfortable with it himself, but it feels right- to make the effort and go the extra mile. He's not oblivious, he knows how much it means to Junmyeon too. So it's a good agreement. Neither of them mention it or make things weird, they just go about their business as normal. If Junmyeon were to bring it up and embarrass Sehun, he would withdraw the offer right away. The older man must detect this, and keeps his tongue, thankfully, clamped.

His social ban is lifted the next Monday. Sehun takes him to Sooyoung's apartment that night with the bottle of wine Sehun bought on his lunch break, so the two friends can make amends. He reassures Sehun that he'll find his own way home. While the younger man isn't happy with this suggestion, he obeys his boss' wishes nonetheless. The thought of Junmyeon stumbling through the streets or getting into a sketchy Uber while he's wine drunk really doesn't sit well with him.

It's because you'll get an ass-kicking off Jongdae if he finds out, Sehun tells himself sternly, after the little voice in his head begins to plant seeds of doubt in his mind. It's not like you're starting to care about him.

Jongin is still awake when he returns home, dumping his keys noisily in the bowl by the door. He looks surprised to see Sehun, pausing the TV and turning to his friend.

"You're back late. I thought you came in when I was asleep."

"You fell asleep?" Sehun questions, slumping down beside him on the couch. He accepts the bowl of popcorn his roommate offers him, shoving it enticingly (not) under his nose.

"I tried to wait up for you," the older boy shrugs, making Sehun's heart leap. It does that sometimes, when Jongin does something particularly heartfelt- or just, you know, breathes. Sehun has been trying to avoid how much worse it's been getting as of late.

Since high school, Sehun has had stages where he's particularly more in love with Jongin than normal. These phases will last a few months; where Sehun is so lovesick he can hardly eat or keep his mind preoccupied with anything else but his best friend. Then, he will resume his usual apathetic state for a while, before his heart finds its way back to Jongin. It's a pattern he's tried so desperately hard to break over the years, but the truth of the matter is that: it's Jongin. There's no one else for him. Sehun doesn't think there ever will be anyone who could compare.

He remembers when he told Baekhyun, that fateful night when they both got drunk in the older boy's apartment. It felt like a good idea to blurt it out at the time, as Baekhyun was telling him about the breakup with his most recent boyfriend. Sehun recalls how badly it stung, because Baekhyun was acting like he was part of a tragic romance, when he fully admitted to not even liking his boyfriend that much- just using him as a in between until he found someone more suitable.

"Try being in love with your best friend," Sehun slurred, trying and failing to poke an accusatory finger to his friend's chest. His hand slipped and he ended up smacking the couch instead. "Try... Try loving Jongin since you were fifteen ."

At some point, he'd started hysterically crying. He fell into Baekhyun's chest as the older boy comforted him, rubbing the spot between his shoulder blades the way he knew Sehun liked. If Sehun loved Jongin romantically, there would be no one who could ever compare to the brotherly love he felt for Baekhyun.

"It's... It's a shame," Baekhyun stammered, still drunk, even after Sehun had sobered up from crying. "For a minute... Do you know what I thought you were gonna say? And what you should've said? That you were in love with me."

He collapsed onto Sehun's shoulder. The younger boy resisted the urge to peel his sweaty body away.

"We'd be good together, wouldn't we? Don't you think, Sehunnnie?"

"Yeah," he echoed quietly. "We would."

Baekhyun never spoke of that moment again- Sehun highly doubts he remembered it after sinking three more tequila shots in the aftermath- so the younger man never brought it up. Why unearth something so equally mortifying for both of them? Sehun still doesn't think he really meant it, or that it simply came out worse than it sounded, but he would never ask for it to be clarified.

"You shouldn't have waited for me." Sehun snaps back into the present. "You have work early in the morning."

"So do you," Jongin shoots back petulantly. Sehun rolls his eyes and resists the urge to strangle him. "You get back so late these days, what are you even doing?"

"Working. Minding my own business. You should try it sometime."

"Ha ha." Jongin sticks his tongue out at him. "Are you with Junmyeon this whole time?"

"Well... obviously. He's my boss," Sehun shrugs. As of late, he hasn't seen any issue with it. He may or may not have had a subtle bump up in his pay too. Besides, spending time with Junmyeon isn't that terrible. Not anymore.

Jongin makes a weird noise of consideration, causing Sehun to immediately put his spine up. He doesn't like how pensive Jongin looks- how smug.

"Soo and his personal assistant don't do this," Jongin begins slowly, smirking. For Gods sake, he's teasing him. Sehun knows where this is going and he needs to nip it in the bud immediately. Yet seeing Jongin so playful...

"Him and Seungwan actually have boundaries. They're more like acquaintances, not friends. Would you say you and Junmyeon are the same?"

"Yes," the younger boy snaps. "He's my boss. There's nothing- he-... Stop looking at me like that!"

Jongin cracks into laughter, leaning forward and holding his stomach.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you have a little crush on your boss, Sehunnie."

Oh, the irony. Painful, gut-wrenching and unjust irony. Sehun is tempted to grab his friend's shoulders and shake him until the words 'I'm in love with you, you idiot!' are permanently ingrained on his temporal lobe.

But, no. That can never happen. On the spot, Sehun decides it's much safer to let Jongin think he has a crush on Junmyeon (though the very motion of something so preposterous makes him feel queasy) rather than finding out the truth.

Over the years, there have been times where Sehun warmed up to the idea of confessing to his best friend, realising that something so clandestine was driving a wedge in their relationship- particularly in the early days- yet it never came to anything. How could Sehun risk it? It would ruin everything. Jongin would be gentlemanly about it, understanding and kind just like how he is with everything else; but, in the end, he would pity Sehun. Or worse, hate him.

Long ago, Sehun realised it was better to live a lie than ever run the risk of losing Jongin.

***

It's Wednesday when Junmyeon approaches Sehun with a strange offer. The assistant isn't sure whether he's heard it correctly so he makes his boss repeat it, just to clarify.

"Let's get lunch," Junmyeon says, already grabbing his coat like Sehun has agreed. "There's a restaurant nearby where we can go."

"Are you sure?" Sehun asks, mock seriously. "Will you be allowed? Will Jongdae chase us down with big nets and send us to a correctional facility?"

Junmyeon rolls his eyes. "Shut up before I change my mind."

They take Sehun's car, which is kind of a given these days. He doesn't comment on how Junmyeon seems comfortable in his Kia after being so disparaging of it at first (well, he pokes fun of how his boss is riding around in a poor people's car which earns him a reprimand of course, yet there's no real malice in his tone), it's just one of those things that naturally happened. Looking back, Sehun has become so familiar with it that he can't really recall a time otherwise. He tries not to dwell on how weird this is, it's already strange enough having Kim Junmyeon riding beside him in his car, commandeering the radio station- he doesn't want to make the tension even more palpable.

The restaurant Junmyeon takes them to looks like it would cost a month of Sehun's wages to be able to afford to eat here, and because Junmyeon brought them, he's under no delusion this isn't true. He just hopes his boss doesn't expect him to fork in and help with the bill, otherwise it'll be the old 'going to the bathroom before the cheque comes and climbing out of the window' trick that he's perfected over the years.

The host greets Junmyeon like an old friend, it comes as no surprise that the older man dines here on such a regular basis that he's become familiar with the staff. As Sehun looks around at the velveteen, dark red décor he can only imagine how much Jongin would covet a workspace like this, or even an opportunity to eat here. Sehun will try and bring something back for him without arousing Junmyeon's suspicion.

They're taken upstairs to one of the private dining areas even though there isn't many people downstairs. Junmyeon explains this is one of the perks of being a celebrity. Sehun asks if he enjoys being ostracised by normal people which earns him a nudge in the ribs for his effort.

As soon as they're seated, someone hurries towards them with a chilled glass of champagne that looks extremely vintage and extremely expensive. Sehun declines on the premise he's driving, but watches enviously as Junmyeon accepts a glass. He knows the older man is only winding him up when he appreciatively moans after taking a sip, but... still.

"You'll never get another chance to taste something as expensive in your life, are you sure you don't want a sip?"

"Why do you take joy in mocking the proletariat?"

Junmyeon chokes slightly, giving Sehun great pleasure as he dribbles the stupid champagne down his chin. He mops himself with his napkin but the damage is done. Sehun has a shit-eating grin on his face and Junmyeon recognises that he's going to have his hands full for the next hour.

"I like helping the unfortunate, I'm very charitable."

"If I didn't think it was so hilarious that you think I'm the charity case in this relationship, I'd be pissed off."

"You think I am?" Junmyeon tilts his head.

"Uh... Yes?" Sehun looks at him like it should be glaringly obvious. And maybe it is, but Junmyeon just likes watching him get worked up. "You're totally inept at doing anything for yourself, you don't understand how the real world or real people work- for Gods sake you hire people to do your grocery shopping- so, yeah. I'd say my assessment is fair."

"I know how to do everything," Junmyeon points out, feeling slightly prickled by Sehun's accusations. He has the desire to rub the salt into Sehun's wound. "I just don't have to. I don't have the time, I'm too busy working."

Sehun laughs, utterly mirthless. "You think you're too good, you mean."

"Not at all." Well, perhaps. "I used to do everything for myself, it was Jongdae who said I needed a personal assistant because I was taking too much of a workload."

Sehun pouts. "Poor you," he says condescendingly. "My heart really bleeds."

"You're tough to win over, Sehun, I'll give you that. But we'll be friends one day. I'll make sure of it."

That statement sounds mildly threatening to Sehun. He isn't sure how he feels about this so-called friendship with his boss. The tentative alliance they have at the moment is more than enough- perhaps even too much for Sehun, who hates becoming even mildly close to people. He knows far too much about Junmyeon for his own good, he imagines this will only get worse as time passes.

And the worst thing? That one day he'll be so worn down that he'll accept Junmyeon's olive branch of friendship.

Involuntarily, he shudders. What a scary thought.

"You don't know much about boundaries, do you?"

Junmyeon shrugs. "If you hadn't noticed, there isn't really any in this line of work. We share the same life and spend practically every hour of the day with each other. Highly unconventional if you ask me, but that's the way it is. Anyway, you were the one who applied for the job."

"Because Kyungsoo goaded me into it."

The older man smirks over the rim of his glass. "It sounds like he knows you better than you know yourself."

"That was just a low blow," Sehun grumbles, reaching for his own glass of water.

Thankfully, they smooth over their petty squabble and fill in the wait for their appetisers with small talk. Sehun begrudgingly asks how Junmyeon came to know about this place, to which he tells him that one of his senior's brought him here for a dinner party once. It was his second acting job and he felt totally out of his depth surrounded by such respected people in the industry. The more he talks, the clearer the mental image Sehun has; a nervous young Junmyeon in a suit that was too big for him, on the outskirts of the party looking on wistfully, wondering if he too one day would be like them.

The scariest part is that Sehun actually feels a sliver of sympathy for the young man he never met.

He tells himself it's because he imagines Junmyeon was less arrogant in those days, that he was a genuine person back then; but he knows he's just telling himself this to smooth over the obvious.

"That's enough about me," Junmyeon finishes, surprisingly humble. "I want to know more about your life. I feel like I've known you this long but I don't know the first thing about you."

That's how it's supposed to be, Sehun thinks. You shouldn't want to know about me, there should be too much distance for you to even care.

"Like what?" He grumbles, knowing this is a lost battle before he's even embarked on it.

"Tell me about some of your previous jobs. From your résumé I saw you had quite a few under your belt."

Sehun freezes. "You saw that?"

"I make a habit of checking over everyone who's going to work for me's documents," he says, smiling slightly. "You can never be too careful. Especially when you're as important as me."

There it is, the arrogance that Sehun despises so much. When his boss behaves like a human being, he's much more tolerable and downright likeable. However, when he reverts onto this path, it's hard warming up to him.

"I suppose it all started when I made the mistake of studying choreography at university and not accountancy."

"How so?" Junmyeon cocks his head, watching the younger man with rapt attention.

Sehun shrugs, squirming under his stare. "Well, it's hardly a sustainable career, is it? My parents tried to warn me but I didn't listen, nobody could tell me anything when I was eighteen."

Fondly, Junmyeon thinks how nothing has changed.

"Both my friend and I got accepted into the same university to do the same course, so I didn't think anything could go wrong. I was just happy to have been accepted into such a prestigious school, especially when I was the much weaker dancer."

Junmyeon tactfully waits as Sehun collects his thoughts.

"I enjoyed it, even though it was hard. Turns out none of it was worth it. My only choreographing job only lasted a few months, I kind of lost all the passion after that. Three years of my life were wasted. I realised I'd never be in the business again so I just had to find a normal job, like the majority of people in my class did too."

On reflection, it's sad how so many of them had such big dreams; they would stay late in the practise rooms and spill their guts out to one another, revealing their hopes and aspirations, truly thinking they were feasible. Jongin wanted to make a name for himself in the west, Seulgi wanted to be a choreographer for the female idols, and Sehun didn't really know what he wanted, so long as he was dancing.

How naïve they had been.

Looking at Junmyeon, who had all his hopes and dreams come true, makes Sehun feel surprisingly bitter.

"You shouldn't see it like that," Junmyeon tells him, sounding surprisingly humane, not at all smug like Sehun imagined he would be. "Of course it was worth it. You may not see it now, but one day you will. It's understandable you feel bitter it didn't work out, that doesn't mean it won't at some point in the future."

Sehun narrows his eyes sceptically. "What are you getting at?"

"Well," his boss shrugs, looking down at his wine glass and swilling the contents around. "Now you're in the business it might not be so hard to find work. Finding contacts isn't difficult when you know everyone."

It takes Sehun a second to digest the information being presented before him, causing his eyebrows to knit tightly as he scrutinises his boss who still can't meet his eye. If it were anyone else, Sehun might think he looked bashful.

"Sorry, I think I misunderstood- are you actually trying to help me out?"

This time Junmyeon looks up, scowling. "What do you mean? I help you out all the time, Sehun!"

"Yeah but... that offer was, like, incredible." Sehun tries to quell the strange fluttering sensation in his stomach. He puts it down to disbelief, firmly ignoring the niggling voice in the back of his head trying to argue with the logic. "I don't think you realise what you're suggesting."

"I wasn't suggesting anything," his boss says airily. "I was just, you know, remarking that if you were to look around for work and drop a few names I don't think it would be that hard. It's just a hunch though."

A prolonged silence follows. Junmyeon shifts slightly in his seat, very aware of Sehun staring at him in his peripheral vision. He tries to turn his focus out of the window, watching the people passing by on the street below, but his skin starts to heat the longer he can feel his assistant's eyes on him. Eventually, he musters the courage to look up through his eyelashes, only to find Sehun watching him with an illegible expression on his visage.

"Thanks, Junmyeon," Sehun says softly, a small twinkle in his eye. "That actually means a lot."

"Yes, well," Junmyeon coughs, ignoring the staccato of his heart when Sehun uttered his name for the first time- how reverent it sounded. "Don't be getting any ideas. I still want you as my assistant for a long time."

"It's the thought that counts."

Sehun leans back in his chair with a small smile, looking down at his knees. And Junmyeon thinks it's the most beautiful he's ever looked.

***

Sehun has become accustomed to Joohyun's passive aggressive nature, finding himself cowering even less every time she talks to him. However, when she corners him in the dressing room after he returns from the restaurant with Junmyeon, he feels his knees trembling a little bit. It doesn't help that he already feels like he was doing something he shouldn't have been, Joohyun's presence only confirms this. It's not like Junmyeon can defend him either because he's returned to rehearsals.

"Where have you been?" She asks, arching a perfect eyebrow. It's in this moments where Sehun wishes she had a flaw, something he could hone in on while she was lecturing him, but of course she's perfect. Sehun might be gay, but he can admire her porcelain good-looks and covet them to a certain extent.

"I went for lunch with Junmyeon, he asked if I wanted to go with him."

"Were you spotted by anybody?"

"What?"

"Paparazzi," she snaps. "Crazy fans, staff who worked there- did anybody see you?"

"I-I don't think so?" Sehun shrinks away instinctually. "Does it really matter if they did? It's not like I'm one of his groupies, they wouldn't care."

Joohyun purses her lips so tightly they almost disappear. "You don't understand. It wouldn't be good for Junmyeon, the accusations..."

"What, that he's gay? Is there something wrong with that?" Sehun snarls, the wave of rage that crashes over him overwhelms any fear.

"Don't be stupid," she snaps. "I have a girlfriend at home too. It wouldn't be good for him on a personal level. Being spotted with women he can cope with, but a man..."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"What are you talking about?"

Sehun throws his hands in the air, quickly losing his temper. "I have no idea what you're trying to say to me! Are you saying Junmyeon is homophobic or something? That he wouldn't want me to work with him if he knew I was gay? Is that it? Because if it is, tell me now so I can walk out without looking back."

Joohyun blinks, her mouth open slightly. "Oh my goodness, I- uh, I think I got the wrong end of the stick. Wow, this is awkward. Sorry, Sehun. I thought... it doesn't matter. Just forget I said anything. And for Gods sake don't tell Junmyeon, okay?"

"Sure." He frowns. "But are you going to?"

He never gets the chance to finish before she's hurrying out of the door, letting it slam shut behind her, leaving Sehun in confused and echoing silence.

***

"You haven't told him."

Junmyeon looks up from scrubbing his face free of makeup, the wipe dangling uselessly in between his fingers.

"Sorry?"

"You haven't told Sehun that you're...?"

"No!" Junmyeon leaps up from his seat, now face-to-face with Joohyun. "And you didn't either, right?"

"I almost did! I thought you would have told him by now, Junmyeon! He's been working with you for nearly two months. Actually, I'm amazed he hasn't realised. He must walk around with his eyes closed to not realise how you look at him."

"What are you talking about?" He chokes. "I don't look at him like anything. He's my assistant! This isn't one of your dramas, Joohyun, he doesn't even like me."

"Which is why you want him, right? Because he's the only person in the world who doesn't kiss your ass."

Junmyeon doesn't see himself going bright red, but Joohyun does. Triumph settles smugly in her chest, she tries to arrange her face into a neutral expression and not a jeer. Joohyun knows she's never wrong, especially when it comes to hopeless individuals like Junmyeon. They've known each other far too long.

"I'm not even out yet," Junmyeon sighs. "Only to you and a few others- even my family don't know, let alone Sehun. I-I don't want him to know. In fact, the less he knows about me the better."

"So why are you inviting him to lunch, you idiot? Why are you trying to get closer to him?"

"I'm not!" He slams his hand down on the dressing table. If Joohyun was not already made of steel she would've flinched. "He's my personal assistant, it's easier if we have a good relationship. That's all. I know what you're thinking and it's not true. I don't have any kind of motive or feelings for him, so you can just never mention it again, okay?"

She bites down hard on her tongue, glaring daggers into the back of his head as he turns around.

"Yes, boss," she mutters.

Notes:

this is kind of a filler chapter so im sorry! i wanted to give a bit of insight into junmyeons sexuality and their budding friendship. hope you enjoy :D

Chapter 7: Chapter Seven

The tuxedo feels tight and foreign on his shoulders. The silken dress shirt is restrictive across his chest, making it harder to breathe. The buttons strain against his pectoral muscles, popping open every time he gulps for air. He's trying his hardest not to show his nerves, but fear is rolling off of him in palpable waves.

"You'll do great," Chaeyoung smiles, dabbing brown eyeshadow onto his eyelids. That's new. He hasn't worn eyeshadow since his college days, only when Jongin made him use it under sufferance. It feels itchy on the sensitive skin. "Besides, Junmyeon will take care of you. I know what you think of him, but he's a good guy really. Cares a lot about us." 

Sehun doesn't respond. Not because he doesn't have anything to say, but because he's terrified that if he opens his mouth he will projectile vomit everywhere. Swiftly ending his and Chaeyoung's blossoming friendship.

His boss is in the other room getting dressed, his hair and makeup has already been done in advance. According to Chaeyoung it takes a lot longer for Junmyeon to get ready considering he will be the focus for the night, whereas Sehun can get away with the bare minimum. While Junmyeon will be on stage accepting awards, being photographed and recorded from every angle and sweating under the strobe lights, Sehun will be watching from the shadows which suits him perfectly.

Sehun knows he's good-looking, he's been told this enough times in his life for him to know it's true, yet he's not vain. Not like Baekhyun, who primps and preens in the mirror for hours, or even Chanyeol to a lesser extent; people don't believe Sehun when he refuses photographs because he hates having them taken, or that when he's getting ready he spends a small amount of time looking in the mirror. Junmyeon was the one who disbelieved it the most, claiming that he thought Sehun would love going to an award show because it would be the perfect opportunity to show off.

Instead, the anxiety has been eating Sehun alive for the past week. He gets about five hours sleep a night in between night terrors and panic attacks, but now the day has come and he feels strangely relieved. At peace, almost. He's accepted whatever terrible fate is about to befall him when he goes to the red carpet. The wait is over, his time is up, now all he has to do is make sure he gets out alive.

Easier said than done.

Half an hour later, he's getting bundled into a limousine (honest to God, he sends photos to Chanyeol and Baekhyun straight away) with Junmyeon and the small army that classes as his team. Jongdae is here, obviously, as well as Chaeyoung and her emergency makeup bag (Sehun guesses she's here more out of courtesy, Junmyeon doesn't really need her) though, fortunately, Minseok is not present. When Sehun had tentatively brought up the issue with his boss, Junmyeon reassured him that Minseok would be in his office pulling the strings behind the scenes.

"You'll tell me one day why you hate each other," Junmyeon said. Though Sehun nodded listlessly, he had no intention of ever telling him.

Jongdae pops open a bottle of champagne almost instantly, it being the first thing he honed in on when he got in the vehicle. Junmyeon turns down a glass, saying that he wants to be sober when he walks the red carpet so Sehun offers to take his share too. If anyone's surprised by his sudden eagerness to drink, they don't say anything. Jongdae pours him two glasses without uttering a word.

"I was on Facetime with Kyungsoo while I was getting ready," Junmyeon mutters to Sehun from the corner of his mouth. "Man, is he pissed he didn't get an invite. He's watching the whole thing at your place with Jongin. I told him there's always next year but for some reason that didn't make him feel any better."

"I have no idea how you have friends that you don't pay," Sehun murmurs back.

Junmyeon raises his eyebrow slightly. "What, like you? Are we friends now, Sehun?"

"Don't push it. I won't hesitate to go on national TV and tell every news reporter that you still wear Ninja Turtle underwear."

"Hey," Junmyeon says seriously. "You saw that in confidence."

Sehun rolls his eyes before taking a sip of champagne. He's going to need it.

By the time they arrive at the venue, the lump in Sehun's throat is so large that he can barely breathe, struggling to regulate his breathing through his nostrils. To his horror, Junmyeon rests a reassuring hand on his knee and gives it a squeeze, smiling up at him sincerely.

"You'll be fine," he reassures him, sounding more like a father-figure than his boss. "I'll meet you in there."

Before Sehun has had the chance to wish him good luck, the door of the limousine is thrown open by a man in white gloves and instantly loud screams pierce the otherwise silent air. Sehun obscures his face once the camera flashes start, every news outlet trying to get the best shot of Kim Junmyeon's- the undisputed star of the night- long awaited arrival. Had Junmyeon not been so kind to him just then, Sehun would be choking on his bitterness right now.

"It's a lot," Jongdae remarks, craning his neck to look out of the blacked out windows. The size of the crowd flocking behind the velvet rope of the red carpet is incomprehensible. Sehun has never seen so many people in one space. "But you'll get used to it. Think how Junmyeon feels."

Sehun is aware this is a clever tactic on Jongdae's part to try and get Sehun's heart to bleed for his employer so he's more sympathetic in future, and honestly, it's working. Sehun can't imagine ever striding out and facing that sea of people with the collected confidence Junmyeon had displayed. The only explanation is that he must feed off the attention, bemoaning it to seem humble but basking in it really. That sounds about right for Junmyeon.

Mercifully, the limousine takes them to the back exit of the arena so they don't have to face the paparazzi. There's ushers waiting for them at the door, giving them pieces of paper with their designated seats and telling them to enjoy the night but avoid paparazzi and reporters at all costs. A few are milling around the back entrance in hopes of spotting someone famous sneaking in, but they're left sorely disappointed by the steady trickle of various celebrity's staff arriving instead.

"Will Junmyeon be here already?" Sehun asks, jogging behind Jongdae to keep up. He offers his hand out for Chaeyoung who is stumbling behind in her killer heels, trying to match their fast pace.

"No, he'll be outside for another twenty minutes I reckon. There's the photo ceremony and then interviews straight after, considering he's the star of the night nearly every media outlet will want to talk to him. He's only permitted to answer questions from a few though."

When Jongdae said Junmyeon was the star of the night, Sehun didn't really believe him until they walk into the main hall of the venue, which is bedecked with large posters and banners of Junmyeon; one advertising the upcoming musical, one skincare advertisement, one advertisement for soju, another one dedicated to his latest drama, and the screens play his advertisements on a loop.

"They should have called it the Junmyeon Awards," Sehun grumbles, already knowing how unbearable Junmyeon is going  to be when he sees his face plastered everywhere.

"There was a whole legal battle with the name," Jongdae remarks breezily, and Sehun genuinely cannot decipher whether he's being serious or not.

Their table is already set up for them with name tags, a bottle of champagne chilling in a bucket in the centre and countless bottles of water. Junmyeon, of course, is positioned the centre with Sehun on his right side and Jongdae on his left. Chaeyoung takes her place beside Sehun and begins fiddling with the floral arrangements in the crystal vases, wondering aloud whether they'd realise if they went missing. Jongdae tells her to wait until the cameras stop rolling, telling them they can take what they want when it stops being televised.

The place begins filling up soon after they arrive, more and more celebrities start to pour in and Sehun is reprimanded for craning his neck to get a better look at them. One thing he notices is that they look different on screen as opposed to real life, the only one who isn't an exception is Junmyeon, who is frustratingly flawless however you choose to look at him. 

Sehun begins to get antsy anticipating his boss' arrival, not feeling at ease unless he's beside him. He tries to rationalise it into telling himself it's because Junmyeon is experienced at this kind of event and can offer assurance, but the butterflies in his stomach tell him otherwise.

"Where is he?" Chaeyoung asks, watching the stage being set up. "It's nearly time to start."

"He's either being held up or he's run away," shrugs Jongdae, not seeming particularly concerned. "He'll appear."

As if on cue, Junmyeon materialises behind them, rosy-cheeked and puffing for breath. He flops down inelegantly on his chair, fixing his tie and smoothing down the lapels on his jacket. Sehun watches him with a frown.

"You look like you've just run a marathon."

"I did, practically," he pants. "I had to run away from the reporters. And I mean run, like full-blown sprint. Then I saw Eunwoo in the lobby and had to hide in the men's bathroom until I was certain he'd gone. Don't get me wrong, I like the kid, but every time he sees me he asks for an autograph and I've known him for two years. It's weird."

"I'm sure the paparazzi got lots of action shots of your weird ostrich run when you were running away from them," Sehun says sarcastically.

"Hey! I don't run like an ostrich! Do I?" Junmyeon turns to Jongdae who simply shrugs, turning his focus to the stage as the lights begin to go out.

The hosts of this years show introduce themselves with a funny skit which cracks the audience up, though Sehun reckons they're only laughing out of politeness. Him and Junmyeon have funnier exchanges every day.

Why is he even thinking about that right now?

The first portion of the show is a bore, its mainly just advertisements and the smaller, lesser anticipated awards that everyone wants out of the way before the real event starts. Sehun notices Junmyeon becoming increasingly tense beside him, jiggling his leg relentlessly and rubbing his sweaty palms on his trousers.

Feeling a rush of sympathy for him, Sehun discreetly places his hand on Junmyeon's leg under the table and pats it awkwardly. The older man jumps like he's been burned, staring at Sehun with wide and astonished eyes. He looks like a deer caught in headlights, and Sehun doesn't know whether that's a good thing.

Although Sehun can't actually bring himself to speak, he offers Junmyeon a small smile, hoping it has the same affect on him. Junmyeon gives him a slight nod, the corners of his lips turning  up slightly and looking back at the stage, all too aware of the warm weight of Sehun's hand on his thigh. He's terrified his thundering heart will explode out of his chest and ruin his expensive dress shirt. To his horror, he realises that Sehun isn't going to remove his hand any time soon.

"Your award is up next, Jun," Chaeyoung squeals. "Are you ready?"

Junmyeon, who has been feeling feeling increasingly lightheaded with every passing second, barely even registers her voice. Only when he hears his name being called out on the sound system followed by thunderous applause does he finally come to. Every person in the venue is stood on their feet clapping, Sehun being one of the first to stand up. He flashes his boss a discreet thumbs up as he's walking up the steps to the stage, and it's all Junmyeon can think of when he's accepting his first award of the night.

"I'm so proud of him," Chaeyoung gushes. "He looks like such a superstar up there."

Sehun, who is nearly always loathed to give Junmyeon credit, has to admit that his boss certainly looks at home on the stage; his acceptance speech is surprisingly eloquent and not at all smarmy like he imagined it would be. Whether it's a rouse or not, Junmyeon sounds humble. Sehun finds this very refreshing.

The applause only dies down once Junmyeon has returned to his seat and placed his trophy on the table, whispering something to Jongdae. He's glowing peony pink and the colour in his cheeks suits him, Sehun realises. Makes him look more human. The twinkle in his dark eyes helps too. When they lock eyes for a brief second, Sehun cannot help but smile.

"That was good," he murmurs over the sound of one of the hosts talking. "You didn't come across as an asshole."

"From you, Sehun, that's the highest of compliments."

Instead of taking offence, Junmyeon chuckles slightly. It feels like a weight is being lifted off Sehun's chest. Getting too close to Junmyeon terrifies him, so it's a relief when they can lapse back into their normal camaraderie. It feels less intimate and wrong.

About ten minutes later, Junmyeon is stepping back on stage to accept his second award for his supporting role in a drama. Sehun nods and plays along when Jongdae asks if he's seen it when really he's clueless. All Sehun knows is that it's about a bakery, and that's only because of the clip that plays after Junmyeon's name is announced.

Maybe Jongin was right, I should probably watch some of his dramas.

It's surprisingly exhausting being so supportive of his boss. Sehun realises this is the longest they've ever gone without squabbling over something insignificant and it's also the nicest they've been to each other. While it leaves an odd feeling in the pit of his stomach, Sehun can't deny that he feels proud watching Junmyeon collecting all his awards and listening to all his adoring fans cheering him on. Perhaps Sehun shouldn't be so hard on him in the future. It's not Junmyeon's fault his dreams worked out and Sehun's didn't.

By the end of the night, Junmyeon has amassed five awards in total and has them all lined up proudly on the table. This causes the camera to pan over to them quite often, every time Sehun is disturbed to see his face on the big screen. He tries to keep his expression indifferent, not wanting the whole nation to know he's so terrified he feels like he's going to shit his pants. He must admit, him and Junmyeon look comical next to each other; smiley, glowing Junmyeon and scowling Sehun. Chaeyoung nudges him and tells him to cheer up, which is exactly what he was aiming for.

Sehun assumes that they will be leaving through the back exit, like the way they came in, but when Jongdae and the rest of the staff hurry off and leave Sehun and Junmyeon on their own, he turns to his boss with a face like thunder.

"What, you didn't think I'd let you not walk down the red carpet?" The older man says jovially. "There's barely any paparazzi outside by now, all the reporters will have gone so it will be fine. Trust me."

"I don't. That's the point," he snaps.

"Oh come on, Sehunnie," Junmyeon throws his arm around him and Sehun freezes under his touch, unsure of how to react. "Live a little. This is a once in a lifetime experience. Do you know how many people would kill for this opportunity? Especially Do Kyungsoo."

Sehun halts in his tracks, turning Junmyeon's words over in his mind. He pauses, purses his lips, thinks about it and then nods.

"Okay." 

Junmyeon smirks. "I knew that would get you. Come on, we need to hurry up before the limo gets there or we'll be late to the after party."

Right, the after party. Surprisingly Sehun hasn't given this much consideration, even though Jongin begged and pleaded to try and get him and Kyungsoo an invite. Apparently it's more prestigious than the award show itself, which no doubt means that Junmyeon will also be the centre of attention there too. That's fine. Sehun can navigate his way around a nightclub, it's familiar territory. He's not too concerned.

Junmyeon has his hands full of trophies but Sehun doesn't offer to lessen the load, finding it amusing to watch him juggle them. He keeps almost dropping them which is hilarious, Sehun recording the whole thing on his phone with his laughter ringing in the background. Junmyeon should be more annoyed by his assistant's bad attitude but he's still riding high on the euphoria of his awards, he can't find it in himself.

Although he reassured Sehun there would be no paparazzi, there are still a few milling around the red carpet. While Sehun isn't comfortable with this, he recognises that it's nowhere near as bad as before so he keeps his head down, sticks to Junmyeon's side and tries to walk down the runway as quickly as possible.

Junmyeon gets called to do a few shots with his trophies which he complies to, telling Sehun to go ahead that he'll catch up with him, yet for some reason Sehun doesn't want to make the journey alone. He'd never admit to Junmyeon that it's his nerves, but that's exactly what it is.

"Can we get a shot of you two together?" One paparazzi asks, pointing at Sehun.

"No way," he glowers, deliberately stepping further away. He's mortified when Junmyeon leans forward and drags him by his jacket to stand next to him, smiling widely and posing. Sehun only has seconds to arrange his face into anything but a grimace before the flash of the camera momentarily blinds him. Colours dance in his vision and he blinks a few times to get his sight back.

"Brilliant. Thank you, Mr Kim!"

Junmyeon thanks them back and begins leading Sehun away, completely ignoring the younger man's incessant whinging about why he allowed them to do that.

"It's just gonna make you look bad," hisses Sehun as they approach the limo.

"What do you mean?" Junmyeon asks, puzzled. "How would standing next to you look bad? It was just a bit of fun."

"Yeah, but... I'm not a celebrity or anyone important so it just... I don't know, okay! I just know it was the wrong thing to do. If that reaches social media you're just gonna look like a laughing stock for taking pity on me."

"Don't be an idiot, Sehun, you're my assistant. It's normal for them to be at events like this. I've taken photos with Jongdae plenty of times. Look at them next time you're in his office."

"It's not-" Sehun stops dead and stomps his foot in frustration, not caring that he may look childish. "It's a big deal to me, okay? I'm not famous. I'm not like you, I don't want my face all over the social media sites, I don't want people knowing who I am. You didn't even ask, you just assumed. Which is why I got dragged along here in the first place!"

"Sehun," frowns Junmyeon. "Come on, I didn't mean to upset you. It was just a bit of fun, okay? They won't post those photos anyway, they never do. They'll send them to Minseok and I'll get them printed out or something. Can you stop making me out to be this selfish guy who doesn't care about you?"

Sehun crosses his arms tightly across his chest. "Sometimes it feels that way."

"I can assure you it's not. I like you Sehun, I get along with you better than any other staff member I've had before. Sometimes I don't think before I do things, but we're all guilty of that. It's not because I don't respect you, I just want you to have fun and not feel like your job is boring."

Sehun really, really doesn't want to believe him. He wants to storm off and leave Junmyeon behind in his dust, wants to have the strength to not crumble at his boss' words just once. Maybe Junmyeon didn't mean anything by it, that doesn't mean Sehun can't be angry with him. So why can he feel every ounce of conviction he felt dissipating?

Sehun wishes he had the strength to resist Junmyeon's charm.

"Fine," he grumbles. "Whatever. I'm tired and I don't want to argue anymore."

"Do you want us to drop you off home?"

"You can't get rid of me that easily."

Junmyeon tries to gauge the emotion behind Sehun's blank countenance. The younger man's face remains stony and unreadable. Just as he begins walking away, Junmyeon catches him by the wrist which does an adequate job of wiping the hard look off his face. Instead it's replaced by one of shock.

"I really am sorry, Sehun," Junmyeon says sincerely. "I know I keep getting it wrong, but I'm trying."

Sehun swallows roughly, Adam's apple bobbing in his throat. "I know," he replies after an eternity, licking his lips. "You're just gonna have to try harder."

With that, he hurries off towards the limo which has been waiting for them for the past five minutes. Junmyeon shakes his head slightly, wondering exactly what it will take to get his assistant to warm up to him.

More to the point, why does he crave Sehun's approval so desperately?

***

The next morning Sehun is woken up by someone bursting into his bedroom and chanting his name repeatedly until he manages to prise his eyes open. Glancing at his alarm clock, he sees its only six am. He's only been in bed for three hours, having to get up at seven.

"Sorry to wake you up this early, but holy shit!" Jongin exclaims, still in his ruffled teddy pyjamas. He flops down beside Sehun in bed, engrossed in his phone.

"What's going on?" Sehun mumbles, knuckling his eyes in an attempt to rouse himself.

"Just look at this." Jongin thrusts his phone in Sehun's face before he's had time to register what's happening, effectively hitting him on the end of his nose with it.

Sehun snatches it off of him with a grumble, letting his eyes adjust to the sudden brightness. Someone better have died with how much fuss Jongin is making so early in the morning.

When Sehun finally realises what he's being faced with, his heart sinks right down to his toes. His blood runs cold, frigid with fear. This is so much worse. 

"What the hell is this?" His voice cracks, unable to believe what he's seeing with his own eyes. This must still be a dream. A horrible nightmare. Because there's no way this is happening in real life.

The headline 'Kim Junmyeon's Breathtaking Bodyguard Steals The Nation's Hearts' glares back at him, big and bold and very real.

"It gets worse," Jongin warns. "Keep scrolling."

Directly underneath the headline is the photo the paparazzi took of him and Junmyeon, the one Junmyeon promised would never circulate around the media. The betrayal feels like his heart is being ripped out of his chest. Was this Junmyeon's plan the whole time? Was Minseok in on it? There's so many questions buzzing around his head it's hard to digest the article underneath.

Last night, at the 10th People Award's, esteemed guest and star of the evening Kim Junmyeon was spotted leaving the venue with a mystery guest who quickly became a viral sensation.

While the guest's identity has remained a mystery, he quickly captured the hearts and minds of not only the nation, but also the world. 'Junmyeon's Mystery Man' trended number one on Twitter for three hours after the event, with a circulation of fifty thousand tweets during that time period. Kim's dedicated fans have been researching and digging around to find out who this man is and what connection he has to Mr Kim.

An insider claims that he is a part of Kim's staff, though his position is unclear. Rumours began to circulate that he was Kim's bodyguard, after a particular photograph of him leading Kim down the red carpet was released. The two appeared to be sharing a joke and laughing, seemingly a happy couple.

[Image attached]

The two posed for a photograph for Dispatch, Kim reaching out quickly to wrap an arm around his friend and smiling widely at him. It was this image that sparked the debate whether the two were just more than friends, when a fan page on Twitter declared that they looked like a 'couple.' Whether this has any credence has yet to be debated.

[Image attached]

Eagle-eyed fans also noticed that the man was sat beside Junmyeon for the whole award ceremony, the pair shared numerous jokes and were spotted laughing almost every time the camera landed on them.

[Image attached]

[Image attached]

However, as the pair were leaving the red carpet it appeared they were having some kind of quarrel. The mystery man seemed annoyed at Kim, claims bystander who witnessed the interaction, apparently stamping his foot and raising his voice. When Kim reached out to comfort him, it's claimed he pulled away.

This, of course, only heightened the drama and fuelled the fire that Kim and the mystery man are in a tryst. We've reached out to Kim's management for further explanation, but we are yet to get a response.

The closing image is a grainy photo of Sehun and Junmyeon mid-argument, judging by the quality it was obviously taken on somebody's phone and not a paparazzi camera, meaning somebody was spying on them from the shadows. It makes Sehun sick to the pit of his stomach, knowing that somebody was watching their private moment with the intent on selling information to the press.

Sehun is left speechless, staring up helplessly at Jongin who looks down at him sympathetically. His friend twines his arm around his shoulders, squeezing him into a side hug.

"I know it looks bad," the older boy says. "But it'll blow over in a few days. I'm sure Junmyeon's team are already working on getting the articles taken down."

"It doesn't matter," Sehun says glumly. "People know who I am now. It's not a secret."

"Not really. They don't know your name or any of your personal information. They just know your face, but they'll soon forget about it. I promise."

Sehun falls back onto his pillows, covering his face with his hands and emitting a loud, pained groan. Jongin makes a soft noise of sympathy and rubs his arm consolingly. The younger boy doesn't even notice that Kyungsoo has slipped in silently, watching the display from his doorway.

"It's not that bad, Sehun," his deep voice startles both of them. "Jongin is right, it will all blow over. This happens all the time. Junmyeon's company will release a statement that you're just his personal assistant and his fans will forget all the drama."

Sehun peels the palms of his hands away from his eyes to scowl at Kyungsoo. "That's easy for you to say. You want to be famous. The article said people are stalking me!"

"All your accounts are private," Jongin reminds him. "And Junmyeon doesn't follow you on anything so you'll be fine. Honestly, you'll get to work and it will have sorted itself out. Junmyeon's team won't let this kind of rumour get too out of hand considering people think you're a couple."

For some bizarre reason, that kind of hurts.

Kyungsoo says nothing, surveying Sehun with furrowed eyebrows. The younger man tries to meet his eye but ends up recoiling, he's always been intimidated by him. Especially when Kyungsoo watches him so coldly. What he lacks in height he makes up for with a steely presence.  

They leave Sehun to come to terms with the reality of the situation and get ready for work. The first thing Sehun does is grab his phone off the nightstand and check his notifications. There's so many he doesn't know where to begin, yet none from Junmyeon. That means he must still be asleep, blissfully oblivious to the storm that brewed while they were clubbing. Jongdae has emailed him a few times, assuring him there's no need to panic and that it will be taken care of. But if Minseok is in charge, Sehun doesn't want to fathom what could happen.

Jongdae tells him to meet at the offices this morning instead of the theatre, where they'll sort this mess out once and for all. Dread coalesces in Sehun's gut at the prospect of facing Junmyeon's team, knowing that they'll undoubtedly blame him for getting Junmyeon in trouble yet again. He's only just been let off the hook with the Yerim situation.

Although he knows it's a bad idea, sick curiosity gets the better of Sehun and he goes onto Twitter. He wants to know firsthand what has been said. Maybe things aren't as bad as the article made out?

Wishful thinking.

He's the top trending topic on his 'for you' page, which he finds ironic. He clicks it without hesitation, noticing the first thing that comes up was the article Jongin showed him. Scrolling down, the first few tweets are all from media outlets or news pages, though they all read the same; nobody knows who Junmyeon's mystery friend was and they all want to know what they were squabbling about.

Then Junmyeon's fans tweets begin to appear.

Idk who this guy is but he's so hot I'd let him ruin my life, is one tweet, attached below is a photo of him and Junmyeon sat at the table but with the older man cropped out. Even during this time of distress Sehun can find the humour in it. He bets Junmyeon's ego is going to be bruised when he realises his fans are paying more attention to his personal assistant.

I bet Junmyeon's gay ass is living with such a hot bodyguard.

This guy completely stole the show

I forgot we were supposed to be watching for Junmyeon!

DAMN this guy should be in a drama! He's so handsome!

They're fucking each other.

Does anyone else think that Junmyeon's bodyguard looks a little bit fruity?

Junmyeon's limp wrist is showing you're not slick.

Does anyone have the link to the Junmyeon x Bodyguard fanfic?

OMG SOMEONE WROTE A FANFIC FOR THEM.

Sehun's phone slips out of his hand in horror, trying to let this all sink in. People have been writing erotica about him and Junmyeon even after a few photos got leaked? What would people think if they saw how they reacted on a daily basis? It doesn't bear thinking about. Sehun can never be seen out in public again with Junmyeyon. He'll have to quit his job. He'll have to leave the country and become a recluse.

Twelve hours ago, Sehun was entering the venue with a heavy sense of fear hanging over him, and now he knows this was completely justified. What was he thinking letting Junmyeon drag him on the red carpet? As much as he'd like to pin the blame on someone else, in this instance he can't.

Chanhole: should i drop my mixtape link under those viral tweets about you?

Chanhole: sorry that's insensitive i won't

Chanhole: actually you know what i'm going to, i need to seize this moment

Chanhole: oh and sorry about all this, it sucks

Baekyuck: YOU'RE FUCKING YOUR BOSS???

When Junmyeon's text comes through, Sehun's heart flip flops pathetically.

Junmyeon: Welcome to your first scandal

Chapter 8: Chapter Eight

"Just to clarify; you don't hate me, right?" 

"Yes. No. I don't know." Sehun presses the tenth floor button in the elevator, stuffing his hands in his coat pockets. He's crammed in the small space with Junmyeon, having met in the parking lot beforehand and agreeing to go up and face it together.  

Even though Sehun is giving his boss the cold shoulder, he's grateful for his comforting presence. Junmyeon has been through many scandals so he knows the protocol, he tries his best to reassure Sehun that nothing bad is going to happen. While Sehun would like to believe him, the larger and more rational part of his mind won't let him. After all, wasn't Junmyeon the one who promised him that nobody would be there to take pictures of them? It was almost comically foreshadowing. 

The tenth floor is already busy, people mill around and talk loudly into their phones. Junmyeon strides right into the meeting room with Sehun lagging behind nervously at his heels. Right now, Sehun doesn't care about showcasing his usual cold confidence in front of these men, he just wants to get this over with. The sooner they come to a conclusion the sooner this mess can be buried and forgotten. 

"Good morning, gentlemen," Jongdae greets them at the head of the table, sat regally upon the swivel chair like a king. To his left and right side are empty seats, while all the others have been filled. Both men cautiously take their place at the table, Sehun on the right and Junmyeon on the left. His boss shoots him a small smile before Jongdae begins talking, silent reassurance. Sehun can't summon the energy to reciprocate. 

"I know it looks bad, Sehun, but I can assure you it's not the end of the world. In fact, compared to the mess Junmyeon usually makes this is nothing. Now, this all depends on you and how you want us to handle it."

Sehun frowns. "What do you mean?"

To make matters worse, Jongdae points at Minseok who clears his throat and takes over. Which means Sehun has to give him his undivided attention, apparently the whole matter balances on the publicist. 

"We have two options; you can either remain anonymous and we'll pay to have the articles taken down, but bear in mind we can't stop what the fans are saying. Unless you want to start suing for defamation of character, which is an arduous process that's unlikely to get the results you want. Or... you could gain from this."

"Gain from it?"

"Well, there have been other instances where celebrity's staff have gone viral for the same thing; take Kylie Jenner’s bodyguard, for example. If the photos and rumours continue to circulate, there could be opportunity for you to profit from this. If your name and social media accounts are leaked, there's a possibility you could amass a large following from it. Obviously I'm not promising anything, but you could be offered brand deals and paid to promote things, leading to modelling contracts etcetera. The decision is entirely up to you."

"I don't want these people knowing who I am!" Protests Sehun, feeling his blood boiling at the mere thought of profiting from this. "I want all the articles deleted right now! It's an invasion of my privacy!"

"Wait, Sehun," Junmyeon says, very serious. "Think about this. What we talked about the other day... this could be a perfect opportunity to promote yourself."

"No! I'm not piggybacking off your success," he snaps. "If I want something, I'll do it by my own means without any help. I am capable."

"I never said you weren't-"

"Junmyeon's right, Sehun," Jongdae turns to him. "I know it's a lot to comprehend now, but it could boost any opportunities you want in the future. Once the media get paid off there's no going back, unless another scandal arises." 

"Why is no one listening to me? What did I just say?" 

"Okay, okay!" Jongdae holds his hands up in defence. "It was just a suggestion. Minseok will get to it straight away. By the end of the week this whole mess will be forgotten."

Sehun doesn't know just how much Jongdae knows, whether he's seen the fan's posts on social media and the obscure things they're saying about him and Junmyeon, yet he knows to keep his mouth shut about it. He doesn't want things to become even more complicated. 

While Minseok is talking to Jongdae, Junmyeon meets Sehun's gaze across the table and cocks his head slightly, studying him intently. Sehun swallows roughly, sending him a questioning look. He can't understand why his boss suddenly can't take his eyes off of him when he's been avoiding looking at him most of the meeting. Sehun's head is spinning with everything that's happened so far and it's not even eight am. He just wants to crawl into bed and never resurface. Junmyeon's team may be certain everything will be forgotten by the end of the week, it certainly won't be for Sehun. 

The meeting is adjourned after another twenty minutes. Once people begin filing out of the room does Sehun finally stand, making subtle eye contact with Minseok from across the table. The older man looks confused when Sehun flickers his eyebrows up at him, motioning with his hands.  

"Sehun? Are you coming?" Junmyeon says from the doorway. 

"I'll be out in a minute. I need to talk to Minseok."

While Junmyeon looks like he doesn't want to let this happen, he begrudgingly nods and closes the door behind him, sealing them in the room together. 

Immediately, Minseok turns on Sehun. "What the hell is this?" He demands.

"Relax," Sehun rolls his eyes. "I'm not coming onto you, I just wanted to ask you something."

"Well hurry up and ask, I have a busy day of burying shit for you and Junmyeon."

"That was actually what I wanted to talk about. It wasn't you who leaked those photos, was it?"

Minseok glares at him for several moments, looking utterly disdainful. His lip twists into a cold sneer, shoulders squaring defensively.

"I have better things to do. Believe me, getting back at you is hardly at the top of my list of priorities."

Sehun was prepared to carry out this conversation in a civil manner like an adult, apparently Minseok wants to act petulantly. The younger man quickly feels his frustration reaching a boiling point, his temper has been a frayed edge all morning. 

"It just seemed a little suspicious to me, you know? You're Junmyeon's publicist and those photos somehow managed to leak of us, landing me in the shit. Almost like it was planned."

"Well I can assure you it was just a coincidence," grits Minseok, clenching his teeth. "My job is to get Junmyeon out of trouble, not land him in it. No matter how much I don't like you, I wouldn't deliberately sabotage my friend." 

"What a hero," gushes Sehun sarcastically. "You truly are a saint, Minseok. Do you ever get tired from carrying that halo around your head at all times?"

"I'm not doing this. Stop behaving like a child, Sehun. I know that's all you know how to do-" 

"Woah, that was uncalled for! I called you back to discuss business, not for you to attack me like that. It's not very professional, is it?" 

"I'm always professional until some little shit provokes me!"

"Why do you even hate me so much?" Sehun yells, throwing his hands up. "I didn't even do anything! You're the one who walked away!"

"Because you were such an asshole!" Minseok shouts, apparently not caring who may be milling around outside. "I walked away because you pushed me away! Do you even realise how hurt I was? No, of course you don't, because you're a selfish jackass who only looks out for himself."

"Not true!" 

"Are you really that full of your own self-importance to realise? Who am I kidding, of course you are. I don't even know why I'm talking to you right now."

Minseok picks up his iPad and jacket and begins walking out of the room. Sehun has to sprint to catch up with him, pressing his back flat against the door so he can't get out. Minseok tries to force him out of the way but Sehun's height advantage (and sheer determination) makes him unmovable. He keeps his heels dug into the ground until Minseok stops trying to shove him aside, even going as far as trying to shoulder him.

"We may as well talk about it while we're here."

"I don't want to."

"Now who's being the childish one?"

Minseok sets his jaw hard, glowering up at the younger man. Then, reluctantly, he walks backwards back to the table and plops down on the nearest chair. 

"Fine. I'm listening."

"Wait, I'm not taking all of the blame here. You have to speak too."

"Hurry up, Sehun, or I'll call security." 

"Fine," he sulks. "Honestly? I don't know what I did to you. I've been trying to figure out why you hate me so much. Like, I know things didn't particularly end on good terms-"

"Sehun," Minseok deadpans. "The whole time we dated was a disaster. I don't know why I tried so hard to make it work when you were so immature and selfish. It wasn't about what you did at the end, exactly, just the whole relationship itself."

"We only dated for like three months. How could you be so upset about it?"

"This is exactly what I mean! You were so blind! I really liked you, Sehun. And you just didn't seem to care. It made me feel so shitty and unsure of myself, but I can't imagine you know how that feels since you're so self-centred." 

Admittedly, that accusation stings. Sehun has been told plenty of times that he's selfish, obnoxious, self-absorbed and a whole other plethora of insults; yet hearing it from Minseok hurts more than the others. 

Okay, fine. Sehun admits it, sometimes he can be egocentric in order to protect himself from getting hurt, it's a defence mechanism he's always had and is unable to shake off for some reason. He ruins things, feeling like he doesn't doesn't deserve good things to happen to him. The worst part is that often times he doesn't even realise he's doing it. This is apparent by what Minseok is telling him, because Sehun had no idea. 

If he reflects on it, he supposes they were doomed from the start. This was evident in the way Baekhyun introduced them to each other (to this day, Sehun still doesn't know how Minseok knows him, he never thought to ask.) Baekhyun gave Minseok his number and from then on they began texting and getting to know each other. 

Everything began to go downhill on their first date.

Their first conversation went something like this. 

"Hi, you must be Sehun."

"Are you Minseok?"

"I am. It's so nice to meet you."

"I thought you'd be taller."

Really, Minseok should have known what he was getting into from that moment on, yet he kept persisting. After a month they made it official, it went well (or so Sehun thought) for a further three months until Minseok called it off. Although he would never admit it, Sehun was surprisingly hurt over the breakup. It wasn't his longest relationship, but Minseok had grown to mean a lot to him in that short period of time. He reckons it's probably too late to come to this conclusion. 

"If I told you that wasn't how I meant for things to come across, would you believe me?"

"Probably not."

Well, Sehun can't argue with that.

"It wasn't even that, Sehun. You know what really got to me? When you got a fucking job with Junmyeon! It felt like you were trying to one-up me, to rub it in my face or something."

"What?" Sehun pulls a face. "I had no idea you even worked for Junmyeon! You never told me!"

"I did," Minseok replies crisply. "You just never listened." 

This does an effective job of stunning Sehun into silence. His mouth falls open slightly, letting the information sink in. Was he really that horrible of a person? How did he never realise?

"I'm glad you're speechless, but I really need to go. I've talked to you for long enough."

Minseok gathers his belongings and leaves without looking back, leaving Sehun with a hollow feeling in his chest. He didn't even get a chance to apologise.

***

If Junmyeon heard any part of Sehun and Minseok's conversation, he remains tactfully silent about it. The drive to the theatre is silent, neither of them sure are how to spark up conversation. Sehun is too humbled by his talk with Minseok and Junmyeon's mind is too abuzz to think of anything to say. He gnaws on the hangnail of his thumb, glancing over at Sehun every two seconds. He's worried about his assistant, who seems so listless and lifeless all of a sudden. Junmyeon isn't sure whether it's his fault or the scandal itself that's bugging him. He just wishes he knew what to say in this moment, but Sehun is such a complicated character it's hard to determine what the right thing to do is. 

Really, Junmyeon wants to ask about what happened between him and his publicist. All he saw was Minseok storming out, followed by Sehun a couple of minutes later. He didn't eavesdrop on their talk, yet he heard muffled shouting. Even if he did ask, Sehun would refuse to tell him. Not that he deserves to know. 

Not a word is exchanged between them until Junmyeon is permitted his lunch break. He wants to ask Sehun if he'd like to grab coffee, but in light of recent events, he decides this is tactless. Instead, the eat in the airy auditorium while the rest of the cast and staff eat backstage.

Sehun kicks his legs off the edge of the stage, looking surprisingly childlike and innocent as he picks apart his food. Junmyeon observes him carefully, swallowing down the nerves that have been clogging up his throat ever since he saw the news this morning. 

"How do you feel now we've had the meeting?"

Sehun shrugs, not even permitting his boss with a glance. "Jongdae said it will get sorted out and I trust him. He's buried enough of your shit in the past."

Junmyeon ignores the jibe, not dwelling on how much it stings. "It's okay to be scared, it's only natural. You handled it much better than I did. I freaked out and cried so much I threw up everywhere. My old manager was not happy."

"Does everything have to be about you all the time?" The younger man snaps, startling both of them.  

"I wasn't- that's not what I- look, Sehun, I know you're not happy about this but you can't take it out on me. It's not fair."

"You know what's not fair?" Sehun snaps his head up, finally looking at his boss. Junmyeon wishes he hadn't. His eyes are so dark and filled with vitriol it makes his skin crawl. He looks like he really hates him. "Having your privacy invaded because your boss is dumb and insists on making a scene. If you hadn't asked me to take that photo then I wouldn't be in this mess."

"Woah," Junmyeon frowns. "You were the one who agreed to walk out with me. You can't pin this all on me, Sehun." 

"Because you coerced me!"

"You're a grown man, and you've never had a problem saying no before. You just didn't want to. You're mad and that's completely understandable, but I'm the wrong person to take it out on. You know deep down it's not my fault." 

Sehun presses his lips together tightly, balling his fists on his thighs. Even after his tirade, Junmyeon's heart still bleeds for him. He became accustomed to it long ago, so it was unfair of him to expect Sehun to take it on the chin. Though his assistant's reaction has surprised him, he usually takes things in his stride and shows stoic strength with every situation thrown at him; Junmyeon can't fathom why this would be the thing that tipped him over the edge. 

Eventually, the younger man sighs in resignation. "You're right. It's just been a really long day." 

Junmyeon knows not to push their boundaries, so he lightly pats Sehun on the shoulder. "Try and put it to the back of your mind. It's not going to spiral out of control like you think it will. They've already managed to get the articles taken down!”

"Really?" Sehun visibly perks up. "That was fast. I thought it was take a couple of days at least."

"Minseok is good." 

"He surprisingly is. Hey, are you gonna eat those rice balls?" 

"Nah. You go ahead." Junmyeon pushes the container towards his assistant who begins stuffing them into his mouth, finally having found his appetite. Even though he was being intolerable earlier, Junmyeon is glad that Sehun is starting to feel better. 

"Now you've calmed down, I have a question." 

Sehun looks up, mouth stuffed full of food and looking startlingly like a hamster caught in headlights. Junmyeon bursts out laughing, leaning forward and clutching onto his side. Sehun tries to swallow down his rice quickly but ends up choking, spluttering rice out of his nose while his boss thumps him on the back and shoves a water bottle under his nose. His eyes and nose stream unattractively, face bright red. 

"That was attempted murder," the younger man grumbles, voice hoarse. 

"I saved your life, didn't I? Now you owe me an answer."

"Okay, okay." 

"Earlier when you said you didn't want to piggyback off of someone's success, what did you mean?"

Sehun arches an eyebrow. "Isn't it pretty self explanatory?"

"Well, yes, but I wanted to clarify whether you meant in general or me specifically. Like, is this some part of your grudge against me?" 

"What? No way." The younger man seems genuinely confused. "I wouldn't accept help from anyone, it has nothing to do with you."

"Good," Junmyeon exhales a long breath he didn't realise he'd been withholding. "I thought it was something personal."

"I assure you it's not."

"I... I always think people are using me or trying to use my name for leverage so I find it hard to trust people. It means a lot knowing you're not one of those people. That you're genuine."

Sehun tries to ignore the weird, clenching feeling in his chest. "If I was going to use someone for fame, I'd do it with someone cooler than you." 

Silence falls upon them once again. Junmyeon swigs his water while Sehun stares off into the distance with a blank look in his eye, seemingly lost in thought. As to what, Junmyeon can't imagine. His assistant is a very private person. He's amazed they even managed to have this conversation. A few weeks ago Sehun would have completely clammed up. Knowing they're making steady progress fills him with too much joy warranted for the situation. 

In the time they've spent together, quietness is not awkward. It usually indicates that one of them is lost in thought, comfortable enough with one another to not punctuate the moment with useless chatter. 

"Now I want to ask you a question," Sehun declares. 

"Of course."

"Did you read the article?"

"Well, I skim read it. I got the gist though."

Sehun rolls his eyes exaggeratedly. "Good to know you were taking it seriously."

"Whatever, now tell me what you were going to say."

The younger man licks his dry lips, inhaling. He's unsure of how his boss will take to the mention of this topic, but it's been bothering him all morning and now seems as good a time as any to mention it.

"The article accused of being in a tryst," he deadpans. "How do you feel about that?"

When Junmyeon's face falls, Sehun knows this isn't a good sign. After Joohyun's lecture the other day he knows this is a delicate topic, which is why it needs to be talked over. Mostly Sehun just wants to know whether her words ring true and that Junmyeon will freak out with the accusation of being spotted in public with a man. So far it doesn't seem to have bothered him, then again, he didn't read the article fully- wasn't aware of what some of his fans were accusing him of. 

"It's- it's obviously not true," he stammers, fighting to keep his composure. "Why should I think anything of it? It's just idiots in the press trying to cause trouble for me. You work for me and that it. That's all it will ever be."

He stands up abruptly, almost knocking Sehun off the stage in his haste. 

"I have to go, I think they're calling me for makeup."  

Sehun watches his boss hurry away in confusion. Clearly Joohyun wasn't lying when she said it wouldn't be good for Junmyeon to be accused of such things. He can't help but wondering why he takes it so personally.  

He also doesn't know why it hurt being referred to as just one of Junmyeon's staff members.

 

***

For the remainder of the week, things shift between Junmyeon and Sehun. Junmyeon tries to lessen contact between Sehun, often getting underdogs and other staff members to do his bidding which leaves his assistant at numerous loose ends. He even enlists the help of Chaeyoung, who is just as confused as Sehun by their boss' sudden cold exterior. 

Whenever the two men are left in a room together, Junmyeon will find an excuse to leave or will send Sehun on an arduous task so that by the time he returns, Junmyeon is long gone. Sehun isn't hurt by this change in behaviour, persay, just confused. However, it's worth more than his life asking Joohyun for advice so he keeps it all bottled up; reassuring himself that it will blow over eventually. Junmyeon is terrible at holding grudges. He's witnessed this firsthand. 

By Friday, Sehun has had enough of work and just wants to go home and relax. He doesn't have to be in until late morning tomorrow, and all he wants to do is go home, have a glass of wine and watch something shitty on TV with Jongin. That's if his best friend hasn't been whisked away on a date, otherwise he'll have to call Baekhyun or Chanyeol; though their Friday nights consist of bar-hopping and trying to entice strangers home with them. 

Once upon a time Sehun's life revolved around that too. When did he change so much? 

Part of him expects Junmyeon to collar him in the parking lot like he did last time, Sehun even deliberately slows down in case his boss is chasing after him. After reaching his car and lingering outside for a few minutes, he realises Junmyeon is serious about keeping his distance. He throws open his door with too much vigour, almost tearing it away from the frame of the car. 

Before he sets off, he discreetly checks his phone for any missed calls or texts. Just one from Jonign telling him that he's working late tonight and not to stay up. This almost tips him over the edge. With a muffled scream of frustration, he throws his phone into the backseat and grips his steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles protrude from the skin. 

Instead of going home to wallow in his own self pity, Sehun takes the opposite turn at the junction and heads towards the centre of town. It's not too early for the bars to be dead, he'll go for a couple of drinks and then go home. At least he won't be trapped alone in the apartment. It'll be nice to get out and socialise like a normal person, he lost this privilege when he began working for Junmyeon. 

He parks up and heads into the nearest bar, one he's become familiar with over the years after numerous visits with his friends. It was one of the first places they all flocked to once they were of legal drinking age, the booze is terrible but the company is good and the atmosphere is always electric. 

Immediately, Sehun is hit by a wall of smoke when he pushes open the door. Reeling backwards, he wafts his arm in front of his face and chokes. He'd forgotten about the awful smoke machine. It almost gave Chanyeol an asthma attack the last time they were here. 

The dance floor is already packed, but Sehun swerves away from it. He's in no mood to be grinding on strangers tonight, he's not in the right mindset. He just wants to be mildly buzzed with alcohol and he'll be on his way. After the week he's had he thinks he deserves it. 

Because he's driving, Sehun orders the weakest beer they have (which tastes the exact same as every other beer they serve, Sehun begins to realise they've been scammed all these years) and takes a seat at the end of the bar. A few people come over and try to talk to him, but after monosyllabic responses they get bored and drift off. He's in no mood to engage in conversation with anyone. 

Disgustingly, there's only person he wants to talk things through with. And said person has refused to look at him for days. 

Sehun is on his second beer when he the last person in the world he expected to see materialises behind him. 

"Sehun? What are you doing here?"

Whirling around on his stool, Sehun is face-to-chest with Kim Minseok, looking down at him questioningly. He doesn't seem angry, more perplexed. The feeling is mutual.

"I came for a drink after work." He holds up his beer bottle as emphasis. "What are you doing here?"

"I come here every Friday after work..."

"Oh. Do you want to sit with me?"  

Sehun fully expects him to refuse his offer, practically steeling himself for when Minseok hits him over the head with his own bottle of beer. Amazingly, the older man takes him up on his offer and slides in beside him without another word.

"Before you ask; no, I didn't know you came here. I'm not stalking you or something." 

"I'm glad you cleared up that concern." Minseok rolls his eyes, then narrows them. "What are you really doing here?" 

"The same as you. Trying to drown my sorrows of a hard week at work with the worst beer in the city." At that exact moment, the bartender happens to walk over and hear their conversation. She scowls at him deeply and storms away. 

"Hard week at work, huh? I thought you and Junmyeon were in the honeymoon phase."

"Don't... don't phrase it like that," Sehun shakes his head. "It's nothing like that. He's been off with me ever since that stupid article was released. Or, at least until I told him what it said. Can you believe the dumbass didn't read it for himself?" 

"Of course I can, this is Junmyeon we're talking about. He's renowned for his dumbassery." 

Sehun traces his finger around the neck of his bottle, not wanting to look over at Minseok. Whatever this is right now is fragile, one wrong word and it could all blow up in his face. And for some reason, he doesn't want Minseok to leave him. 

"So what exactly did he say about it?" 

"Nothing really. He bolted as soon as I told him they were accusing us of having a tryst. Can you believe it? What a stupid word to use. I don't even like him."

Minseok's eyebrows raise an inch up his forehead. "You don't? It doesn't seem that way. You two seem very close."

"I'm paid to be close to him. There's a difference. He even said himself all I am is one of his staff members. After all the bullshit he fed me about wanting to be my friend, about having a good relationship- he's such a fake. God, I can't believe I was even letting myself fall for it. I should have remembered he's just an actor, on and off stage." 

"That's not really fair," the old man placates. "He's a good guy."

"You're just paid to say that."

"I am, but I do consider him one of my dearest friends too. Once you get past all of his bluster and bravado he's a good guy, he's just bad at making friends."

"You can say that again," grumbles Sehun. "I'm done." 

While both men take a sip of beer, all that can be heard is the thumping music and chatter of a packed bar. Oddly, it feels nice to be sat here with Minseok. Considering the rocky start at the beginning of the week, Sehun didn't think they'd ever be able to be civil to one another again. It would be a good time to apologise, yet he can't quite summon the words. 

"Don't give up on him," Minseok says eventually. "He's hard work, but he's worth it. You'll never find a better friend than Junmyeon. He's a typical spoiled, rich boy at heart- never had to work for anything in his life, that includes making friends. He's used to people falling at his feet and loving him instantly. You just have to make him work for it. You'll get there." 

"I don't want to," Sehun sulks. "I've given him enough chances."

"Well hand your two week notice in if you're planning on leaving, or else I'll never hear the end of it from Jongdae. Not that I think he'd let you walk away for one second."

"Great, so I'm now a part of Junmyeon's cult. This was not in my contract."

Minseok smiles sardonically. "You should have read the small print, then. It's not so bad. That's if you don't mind being cut off from the outside world and only two days off a year."

Sehun finds himself smiling despite himself, a horrifying revelation. 

"You know, Minseok," the younger man begins. "After our talk the other day, I never got a chance to say I'm sorry."

Minseok pauses with his beer bottle halfway towards his mouth, jaw slackened slightly as he stares at Sehun from the corner of his eyes, looking thoroughly suspicious. It makes Sehun want to retract any previous comments, the vision of smacking his head into the bar is looking increasingly appealing. 

"You never say sorry."

"I don't. So either accept this or fuck off."

"You haven't even said sorry yet," the older man points out diplomatically. "Once you say those two words I'll be satisfied."

"I wasn't actually going to say them. I was just going to, you know, allude to them without having to admit to it."

"No, you're going to say it."

"Am I?" Sehun cocks his head and narrows his eyes. "I'll think about it if you buy the next round."

By some miracle, Minseok just chuckles and waves the bartender over, ordering Sehun a beer and himself a whiskey. Sehun wishes he could join him in drinking something stronger but knows he has to drive home at the end of the night. 

"Okay, I did not think you were going to agree to that. So I guess I owe you an apology. I'm sorry, Minseok."

"For?" The older man presses.

"Oh come on, don't make me do this."

"No, you have to do this." 

"Fine. I'm sorry, Minseok, for... everything that happened between us." 

For a moment, it seems like Minseok isn't going to accept his apology. He gives the younger man a cursory glance, his feline eyes burning holes in the side of his face. If he's been leading Sehun on to give him an apology he's going to reject, Sehun feels like he might just be persuaded to start his first bar fight. Baekhyun will bail him out, right?

Then, Minseok holds his hand out. Sehun stares at it in confusion, before it clicks.He reaches out and shakes it, his palm surprisingly warm against his own.

"Apology accepted.”

Notes:

sooo it’s finally been revealed how sehun and minseok know each other and why they hate each other :D i love those idiots

is it obvious i love connecting everybody’s stories together and making everyone fall in love with sehun...

Chapter 9: Chapter Nine

By the time Sehun arrives at work on Saturday, he's exhausted. He stayed out with Minseok until closing time and drove the man back to his apartment when he was too inebriated to drive. His sleep was fitful and disturbed, waking up four hours earlier than his alarm was set to go off and unable to settle down again. To say he's grouchy is an understatement.

Junmyeon's cold shoulder only amplifies his rage.

"You're going to have to talk to me at some point, sir," he spits out before Junmyeon has a chance to scurry out of the dressing room. His boss freezes in the doorway, still buttoning up his shirt. Slowly, he turns around to face his assistant who wears the same expression as an angry bull.

"Sorry?"

"I said; you're going to talk to me at some point. You've been avoiding me for the past week and I don't even know what I've done. Are you too much of a coward to tell me?"

Yes, Junmyeon thinks glumly, with a sinking sensation in his chest. Because I don't want you to know the truth. It would change everything.

"That's all in your imagination," Junmyeon says briskly. "I haven't been ignoring you."

"Don't give me that crap! You've been deliberately avoiding me all week and I don't know why."

Junmyeon has to pause when he hears Sehun's voice cracking slightly towards the end of his speech, it sounds like he's genuinely hurt and not just acting pompous to get a reaction from him. Junmyeon feels like such a fool, he thought he'd been so subtle in the way he's managed to avert his assistant all week. Truthfully, he didn't think Sehun would care enough to notice- the younger man would just be glad his job had suddenly become a lot easier. Has Junmyeon been reading the situation entirely wrong?

"You don't know why?" The older man asks carefully. "I thought... When you said that article accused us of- you know- I thought that was your way of saying you wanted me to keep my distance."

This does an effective job of silencing Sehun. He halts, screwing up his face in confusion.

"What are you talking about? Why would that mean anything?"

"I thought that was what you were angry about." Junmyeon widens his eyes. "That was why you were so upset. I just assumed that was anger at me, for making it look like you were... you know."

"Because I am 'you know'," he mocks his boss' choice of words. "Did you honestly not realise?"

In lieu of response, Junmyeon just gapes at his assistant, unable to believe his ears. Did Sehun just admit to being gay? He never imagined this to be the outcome of their talk; even if there had been suspicions of Sehun's sexuality, Junmyeon didn't expect him to ever admit to it because it's none of his business. Besides, Sehun seems to hate him, so why would he divulge this information?

"I'll take that as a no," the younger man rolls his eyes. "I am gay, Junmyeon. Will that be a problem?"

"No!" Junmyeon blurts. "God no! I'm... I'm actually very glad you told me, Sehun. Thank you."

"It's not like it's a big deal," he shrugs. "I've always been comfortable with it."

"No, of course not. It's not a big deal, you're right." Junmyeon is aware he's talking too quickly as to not arouse suspicion, trying to steady his slightly erratic heartbeat. "I-I have to go back out onto the stage now. We'll talk later, okay?"

Before Sehun can respond, his boss has disappeared.

Despite his odd behaviour, Sehun doesn't think Junmyeon is homophobic. Perhaps shocked, but he'll get over it. Everyone does. When Sehun came out to his brother he didn't speak to him for a month until he finally managed to get his head around it. Surprisingly his mom didn't seem shocked, though her explanation for this was, "A mother just knows, and I've always known you were."

Meanwhile, Junmyeon feels like he's going to succumb to a cardiac arrest. Sehun is gay. What he thought was the impossible has been proved true. Cold, taciturn Sehun likes men. It still doesn't seem feasible. Something that Junmyeon has pondered so long and hard on, having assumed was too good to be true, is actually true.

And it's scaring him.

While Sehun may not know it, Junmyeon is also gay. Albeit, he tries not to think about it and buries it deep into the darkest recesses of his psyche, it's an undeniable fact. He's not sure why it's so unsettling to think about, it's not like Sehun would ever have feelings for him because he's proved multiple times he doesn't respect his boss and regards him as an annoyance.

Yet, Junmyeon grasps onto the thought that maybe, just maybe, there could be a tiny chance...

He doesn't mean this. He's just reeling from the confession, nothing more. Tomorrow it will be old news and he'll have forgotten about it completely. Still, it's hard not to dwell on the way Sehun so casually admitted it- how he claimed he was comfortable with his sexuality and always has been.

Someone being that certain of themselves, especially with something as enormous as being gay, doesn't seem realistic to Junmyeon. He knows it's wrong to feel the way he does. How can people be at peace with it?

Maybe he has a lot to learn from Sehun in future.

***

Sehun's first weekend off is exactly a week later, though he doesn't know this until Junmyeon approaches him on Friday afternoon, looking strangely happy. Ever since their talk, things have been slowly returning back to normal between them, yet Sehun doesn't trust this. His boss looks too smug for his liking. Immediately, his hackles are up.

"Good news, Sehun," Junmyeon grins. "Guess what it is."

"You've found someone else to take my job so I can quit?"

"Not even close. Try again."

Sehun taps his chin, feigning deep thought. "Hm... You're retiring early?"

"I'm not that old."

"I beg to differ."

"You're two years younger than me, brat. No. You've got the whole weekend off!" He raises his arms in a celebratory manner, one that should be reserved for much more exciting news. Why does he look so smug?

"Thank you for granting me a basic human right?"

"You wouldn't believe how long I had to go back and forth with Jongdae about this, he's practically your manager too now. Did you realise you were signing your life away to him when you signed your contract? Anyway, I managed to convince him to give you Saturday and Sunday off, when he only wanted you to take Saturday off. I said you've worked hard and well for me, so you deserve the break."

"Are you sure?" Sehun frowns, faux concerned. "What if there's an emergency and you forget to use the percolator? Or, God forbid, you have to do something for yourself?"

"Joohyun has me covered. You enjoy yourself, Sehun."

In theory, having the weekend off should excite him and he should already be going over an itinerary of everything he wants to squeeze into the mere two days. However, he completely draws a blank. After dedicating his whole life to running around after Junmyeon, he isn't sure what to do with his own. Free time has become so scarce to him that he can't even remember what he used to do with it. He had friends, but he can't remember any of their names...

He's hit with the disturbing realisation that without Junmyeon, he feels lost.

Somewhere along the line, the distinction between boss and employee have become blurred and indistinguishable. Now, he just views himself as an extension of Junmyeon; because without Sehun, the man would fall apart. Sehun is the one who keeps the show on the road, and in return Junmyeon is the one who fills in Sehun's days and gives him purpose.

Despite him trailing around after Junmyeon for the remainder of the day and trying to bargain with him, his boss is unrelenting; Sehun will take the weekend off or else he will become unemployed. When the younger man tells him he drives a hard bargain, Junmyeon laughs in his face and not entirely nicely.

As they're parting ways that night in the parking lot, Sehun lingers outside of Junmyeon's car.

"So... just to clarify; you don't need me tomorrow?"

Junmyeon rolls his eyes, throwing the car door open. "Go home, Sehun."

Taeil drives away, leaving Sehun stood in the freezing cold parking lot with a frown on his face. Junmyeon doesn't even look back.

***

After a depressing night of showering, ordering Thai food and drinking half a bottle of wine, Sehun admits defeat and goes to bed. As he's laying and staring at the dark ceiling, drifting off, he tries not to dwell on how tragic his existence has become. Junmyeon is visiting friends and Jongin is out for one of his workmate's birthday's. Chanyeol is on a date and Baekhyun didn't pick up his phone, though this isn't unusual. Sometimes he will go AWOL for a few days, but he usually emerges again unscathed. He's either fallen down a vortex of work or is with a new boyfriend. It's happened too many times for Sehun to be concerned by his silence.

He doesn't realise he's fallen asleep until he's being pulled from his slumber by a muffled shrieking noise. Groggily, he rears up from underneath his duvet and sees his phone lit up with a notification that somebody is calling him. Only when his eyes adjust to the brightness does it register that Junmyeon is ringing him.

"Hello?"

"Morning, Sehun!" His boss sounds chipper, which is unusual. Sehun wonders if he's doing this deliberately. "Did you have a good night last night?"

"It was fine, I guess..."

"Great. I'm actually calling you because I need some groceries."

Sehun glances at his alarm clock to see its six thirty in the morning.

"Okay? What am I supposed to do about that?"

"I'm at rehearsal all day so you get the honour of getting them for me and taking them back to my apartment."

Sehun sighs and runs a hand over his face. "Okay, fine. Just... send me whatever you need."

"I've emailed you and text you already, just in case one of them didn't go through. Maybe you should get a pad and write it down as well-"

"Do you want to send it via carrier pigeon too?" Sehun mocks concern. "Then you'll know it's really gone through."

"I could have you homeless and unemployed with a snap of my fingers. Don't test me, brat. My apartment key is in the eucalyptus pot outside my front door."

"That seems a very foolhardy place to leave your key."

"Give your ID to the concierge and he'll let you in. I have to go now. Goodbye Sehun."

Sehun falls back onto his bed with his phone clasped to his chest, mind reeling. It's criminal for Junmyeon to wake him up so early on his only weekend off, making demands such as this. He employed a personal shopper for this exact reason, why should Sehun be forced to work on his time off? Then again, wasn't it only last night when he was miserable because he'd have nothing to do to fill his weekend in? He supposes going to the supermarket isn't too bad.

Picking up his phone again, he scrolls through his contacts until he lands upon Chanyeol's number (this doesn't take long, considering he can count the number of contacts he has on two hands) and tries calling him. Sehun needs assistance and he doesn't trust Baekhyun, not that he deludes himself into thinking he'll be awake yet. Neither does he want to pester Jongin who does their grocery shopping every week, though he would have no qualms in helping him out. Sehun, who has never bought groceries in his life, especially not the kind Junmyeon is after, is going to need some help.

Before his friend has the chance to greet him, Sehun says, "You know about supermarkets, right?"

"I... I worked at one when I was seventeen, Sehun. I don't know what else you want from me."

"Do you want to come shopping with me? I could use the help."

"Are you insane? It's six forty in the morning! I'm going back to bed. Goodnight. Good morning. Whatever it is-"

"Please?" Whines Sehun. "I need to get Junmyeon's stuff and-"

Chanyeol's ear prick up. "Junmyeon? Why didn't you say so. I'll be ready in half an hour." And then he puts the phone down.

With a sigh of resignation, Sehun throws the covers back and heads to the shower. It's going to be a long morning.

***

True to his word, Chanyeol is waiting outside of his building when Sehun pulls up forty minutes later. Chanyeol, who is never on time for anything. As he's getting in the car, Sehun fixes him with a flat stare that pierces holes in his side profile.

"Stop looking at me like that," he grumbles, clicking in his seatbelt. "Do you want my help or not?"

"Why are you wearing your best cologne? And your best jeans? You do know we're not actually seeing Junmyeon."

Chanyeol gives Sehun a cursory glance, expression unreadable. Then, he twists his body around and starts yanking at the door handle.

"What the hell? You put the child-lock on?"

"You just proved why I should!"

The majority of the journey is in silence. Chanyeol folds his arms across his chest petulantly, looking intently out of the window. He only cracks when Sehun puts his aux chord on and starts playing jazz music to deliberately goad him. He slaps Sehun's hand away irritably, plugging his own phone in.

"You're a cruel man, Sehun."

"I trust you because you're my best friend."

This does a good job at making him quiet. He falls back into the seat, looking pensive.

"You mean it?"

"Would I say it if I didn't?"

"Yes, you definitely would. You've said so much shit like that in the past to get your own way. Remember in high school when you said you'd ask Dara to prom for me so you could hook up with a guy at my house while my parents were away, and you didn't tell me she was transferring schools a month before prom?"

"Details, details," Sehun waves a flippant hand. "I'm a changed man. I've seen the error of my ways. Remember when I told that guy you saved my grandmother from a burning building so he'd bone you? Or that time I told another guy that you let me borrow your Lamborghini for the weekend?"

Chanyeol hums in consideration. "We're even, I guess. But I get to meet Junmyeon at some point. Pinky promise?"

They link pinkies, which seems to satisfy Chanyeol. His icy demeanour melts and he resumes his ordinary friendly manner, chattering to Sehun about everything that's happen to him this week. His date last night was a disaster, that was to be expected; he has less luck with men than Sehun does. He's only ever had one boyfriend in college, though that ended abruptly when he moved back to China. Chanyeol was left heartbroken for months after, both Sehun and Baekhyun are of the opinion that he's never managed to move on which is why he insists on pushing everyone away.

Only when Chanyeol asks Sehun how his life has been going, does he realise how mind-numbingly boring it is. Of course Chanyeol wants to know all about Junmyeon, but his boss is even more boring than Sehun. He warns his friend that he'll be sorely disappointed when he eventually does meet Junmyeon, for some reason he doesn't want to hear it.

Nobody does, Sehun thinks gloomily.

Sehun hands Chanyeol his phone so he can browse Junmyeon's grocery list, planning their course of action before they get there. However, Chanyeol informs him that they're probably going to have to change tact if they're to procure every item on the list.

"He wants kale, Sehun," he widens his eyes for emphasis. "I don't think they're going to have that at Stop'N'Shop. In fact, I don't think they even sell vegetables."

"What the hell is kale?" Sehun panics. "Google it, Chan."

"I'm trying! He wants coconut milk too. Who even drinks that?"

"It's for his immune system, he thinks he's lactose intolerant- that's not the point. We need a change of plan. We're going to the Lotte Mart."

Chanyeol freezes in horror, slowly turning his head towards his best friend. "When you dragged me along for this, you mentioned nothing about Lotte Mart. I'm not going there. Turn the child lock off and I'll walk home."

"Chanyeol, you worked there ten years ago nobody is going to remember you! Get a grip of yourself, man, I need you focused and clear-headed for this. I can't do it without you."

The older man breathes in deeply through his nose, letting his head fall back against the headrest of his seat. All Sehun can think is that it looks remarkably like he is giving birth. He even goes as far as putting his head between his knees to calm himself down, mumbling what sounds like a prayer under his breath.

They arrive at the store within fifteen minutes, the early morning traffic already beginning to pick up. Surprisingly, the parking lot is busier than Sehun expected, which is when Chanyeol tells him that there's always a morning rush on a Saturday- he can remember them vividly.

Sehun has to practically drag the older man through the automated doors by his sleeves, cursing at him under his breath. Chanyeol pulls his beanie down so low over his forehead that it obscures his vision. He walks straight into a display of toilet roll and Sehun has to bite down on his tongue so hard that he tastes blood, knowing that if he were to throttle his best friend in the middle of the aisle they'd be escorted out before they've managed to get any of Junmyeon's groceries.

Sehun splits the list in half, giving Chanyeol the task of buying food while he searches for more specific items such as skincare and cosmetics; things he knows Junmyeon will be unbearably picky about. Sehun knows him well enough to know exactly what he uses, Chanyeol looks at him strangely when he tells him this but doesn't say anything else. Only when he gets this kind of reaction from people does Sehun realise how weird his job truly is. Even Kyungsoo has remarked once or twice about how close him and Junmyeon are.

It takes a while to gather everything Junmyeon needs, and multiple phone calls from a panicked Chanyeol who insists on asking questions like: what's the difference between an artichoke and lettuce, or does it matter if he has full-fat soda instead of diet (which, yes, it absolutely does matter.) By the time they pay for everything on Junmyeon's card (like Jongin, Chanyeol makes a scene of acting amazed over it and stroking it lovingly like one would a pet) Sehun is exhausted, vowing to never run this kind of errand for his boss ever again. He knows that Chanyeol's presence made it more strenuous, but even Sehun isn't as cruel as to admit that.

Just as they about to walk out, someone calls Chanyeol's name. Confused, Sehun whirls around to see a middle-aged man shuffling after them and waving his fist. He looks furious.

"Hurry up!" Chanyeol hisses, breaking out into a sprint. "Stop looking behind you!"

"Who is that guy?" Sehun struggles to match is speed, weighed down with the bags.

"My old boss," the older man puffs, haphazardly throwing the groceries into the back of Sehun's car and clambering into the passenger seat, looking frenzied. "When I got fired, we, uh, exchanged some- let's say unpleasant- words. He told me that if he ever saw me there again he'd call the police. Can you hurry up and get us out of here?"

Sehun fumbles with his keys, the engine roaring to life beneath him. He's reversing out of the parking lot when the man reaches the sliding doors, still brandishing his fist and spitting on the ground for emphasis. Chanyeol winces, rubbing a hand over his face.

"Jesus, what did you do?"

"Honestly, he's so childish. I may have been taking money out of the cash registers and eating his food in the fridge on my breaks, but there was no need to go all psycho about it."

"I can't imagine why he was so upset," Sehun deadpans, typing in the coordinations for Junmyeon's apartment on his GPS.

"Exactly! I was only seventeen. I hardly knew better."

"I agree. It wasn't like when we learnt the Ten Commandments in school 'Thou shalt not steal' was one of them."

Chanyeol glowers. "Okay, Pastor Oh. Some of us didn't go to church every Sunday."

"It's human decency, Chanyeol."

"It's theatrics, I say."

The remainder of the journey is in relative silence, unless Chanyeol notices something of interest on the street and points it out to Sehun, though by the time he looks out of the window it's gone. He almost crashes his car three times in succession, in the end telling Chanyeol to keep quiet to prevent any pile-ups on the road.

Sehun has only seen the outside of Junmyeon's building, and it's disgustingly luxurious. This should be obvious considering it's in the richest neighbourhood in the city, but neither men are prepared for what greets them when they enter the foyer after handing over their ID's at the door.

The whole interior is made of white, pristine marble that glistens underneath the huge diamond chandelier. The front desk is gilt and futuristic, the entire wall behind it is a waterfall made of smooth, black onyx. Sehun is suddenly incredibly self-conscious of his oldest jeans and hoodie, burning underneath the judgemental glare of the receptionist behind the desk. Her uniform is made of black velvet, which would look tacky in any other establishment. As they approach the desk, they see that the beautiful bronze statues lining the foyer are in fact twisted, naked bodies. Chanyeol audibly gulps beside Sehun, fiddling with his sweater that looks grubby in comparison to the decadent furnishing.

"Can I help you?" The receptionist asks, not even attempting to mask her disdain.

"I'm just going to Kim Junmyeon's apartment to drop his groceries off. The concierge said I should show you my ID."

He slips over his driving license, which she snatches up and begins scrutinising immediately. She holds it only a centimetre away from her face, then she holds it up to the light and makes a noise in the back of her throat. Sehun draws the line when she starts biting the edges of it. Lunging forward, he snatches it out of her grip and holds it pinched between his thumb and forefinger like its carrying an infectious disease.

"If I was going to be a threat to Junmyeon's security, I'd choose a much less complicated way," he snaps, stowing it away in his back pocket and making a mental note to wash it when he gets home.

"It looks legit anyway. Go on up. But be warned, I'm watching you," she glares.

"I hope you make the residents feel more welcome than you do with guests," he sniffs, nudging Chanyeol in the direction of the ornate elevator with an intricate wire gate.

Only when they are safely inside the elevator and on the way to the fifth floor can they relax, leaning against the wall and dramatically blowing air out of their noses. Sehun hopes that this is the only time he ever has to come here in his career, because he doubts that the same receptionist will let him in next time. She's probably called the police and presented him as a threat to security or something. He doesn't want to be chased out of an establishment twice in one day, let alone within the same hour.

Junmyeon's apartment, number 93, is the third on the floor. Sehun feels strange approaching it, like he's invading his boss' private space. Knowing that Junmyeon has a home he returns to every night almost makes him seem like a real person, something his assistant doesn't particularly want to dwell on. From now on, he's accepted the divide between boss and employee; it seems like both of them have as Junmyeon has given up on his mission to befriend Sehun. Truthfully, this is too intimate for Sehun's liking. It's a relief he has Chanyeol here to make it less unsettling.

"Why are you putting your hands in the plant pot?" His friend wrinkles his nose in confusion.

"Junmyeon said he leaves his key here."

"No. His key is under the pot. I can see it." Chanyeol points on the floor, where Sehun notices a glimmer of silver. Glancing down at his filthy hands, his jaw hardens in realisation.

You messed with the wrong assistant, Junmyeon.

Once he's wiped his hands on Junmyeon's doormat, he opens the apartment door which causes both him and Chanyeol to gasp in amazement and freeze on the threshold. If they thought the foyer was luxurious, it's nothing compared to Junmyeon's actual home.

The front door leads to a huge open space, airy and light due to the floor to ceiling windows covering the entire back wall. Expensive grey linoleum covers the floor, matching the minimalistic and dark furniture, a contrast to the white décor. In the middle of the room is a black spiral staircase which leads to Junmyeon's loft. On the left side of the open room is the kitchen, made entirely of black marble and sleek silver appliances. On the far right is the lounge, the huge L shaped sofa is positioned in front of an enormous wall-mounted TV and furry white rug that wouldn't last a minute in Sehun's own apartment.

His jaw is slack as he creeps in, cautious of marring the floor with his battered sneakers. It feels wrong stepping foot in such a beautiful space, like they don't have the right to be here.

"We're just dropping off the groceries and leaving," Sehun warns his friend as they make their way to the kitchen. "Put away the stuff that needs to be in the freezer and then we'll go. I don't want to stay here longer than I have to."

"Why not?" Chanyeol sounds incredulous. "Don't you want to look around? See if you can dig up any dirt on Junmyeon?"

Sehun bites his lip. Albeit, the offer is certainly tempting, especially considering how Junmyeon fooled him into rummaging around in the plant pot; it would be the perfect time to exact his revenge. No. Sehun is a patient man. He can bide his time and strike at the perfect moment. Just when Junmyeon thinks he's forgotten, when he's least expecting it, Sehun will get his own back.

They dump the groceries unceremoniously in Junmyeon's kitchen and toss whatever frozen food items they come across into the freezer. Sehun ensures to leave it as messy as possible as part of his payback for the plant pot incident, which he's still silently seething about. It's going to take hours of scrubbing to get the soil out of his fingernails which were previously immaculate and manicured to a glossy finish.

Once they finish, Chanyeol begins to open Junmyeon's drawers and peer inside, remarking interestedly on his finds. Sehun quickly puts a stop to this by smacking him over the back of the head. Perhaps a little too vigorously.

"Can we look at least look around?" Wheedles Chanyeol.

"No," Sehun says seriously. "It's Junmyeon's apartment and we shouldn't intrude without permission, it's- holy shit is that a mini bar?"

Both men gasp and run over to the far corner of the loft, admiring the sleek, glossy black bar stocked with the finest liqueurs. Chanyeol's eyes are so wide they're at risk of falling out of his head, mouth open in amazement as he runs a finger over the expensive bottles, admiring the labels and the dates. The fist of bitterness that has a hold on Sehun's becomes even tighter. This spoiled son of a bitch has a mini bar in his living room. Who even does that?

"That's it," Sehun says seriously. "I'm getting payback."

Chanyeol's face lights up with mischief. "That's what I like to hear. So what are we doing? Itching powder in his underwear? Leaving something gross in his bed? Ooh, I know! Why don't we trash the place?"

"Chan, please." The younger man holds up a stern hand to interrupt his friend's gibberish. "We need to be mature and clever about this. Where would we even get itching powder?"

"I was just throwing ideas around! What's your plan then, genius?"

Sehun purses his lips in consideration, thinking hard. A knot forms in between his eyebrows as he frowns deeply, a myriad of thoughts cycling through his mind though none of them leap out at him with brilliance.

His eyes scan around the room, waiting to land on something suitable. He spots the huge sound system connected to the flatscreen TV, tilts his head in consideration then smirks in realisation.

When they leave Junmyeon's apartment fifteen minutes and finally get back into the car, Sehun pulls his phone out of his pocket and sends his boss a text.

Sehun: your sound system is turned up to 97 with the bass boosted. the remote is hidden somewhere in your apartment. good luck.

Junmyeon: You monster.

Notes:

sehun finally came out to junmyeon as 'you know' and it's about time tbh
sorry for the filler but i just love sechan so much and wanted to explore their friendship in a bit more depth
hope you enjoy, stay safe everyone :D

Chapter 10: Chapter Ten

The week leading up to the opening night for Junmyeon's musical is perhaps the most chaotic of Sehun's life. There's no time to sit down in midst of all the commotion; all of the staff from the theatre company and Junmyeon's entourage are rushed off their feet correcting last minute mistakes and ensuring things will run smoothly for the five nights the production is running for. Backstage staff are the ones Sehun truly feels sorry for, their workload is a tenfold larger than Junmyeon's staff; apparently musicals are so much more than just actors on stage singing, which Sehun did not previously realise.

Junmyeon, who normally maintains a calm and sickeningly charismatic front, is fit to tear his hair out. There is a constant frenzied glint in his eye and whenever someone addresses him, he snaps at them without second thought. Sehun doesn't take offence, considering that him and Junmyeon usually end up arguing about his bad attitude. At one point his boss storms off after yelling at him for impertinence, avoiding the younger man for the remainder of the day, but brings him chocolates the next day as a peace offering.

"I'm just stressed," he explains, trying to melt Sehun's frosty exterior. After spending the whole day wheedling and vying for his forgiveness, promising the younger man a drive in his Lamborghini, Sehun finds it in his heart to forgive him. He's a good person like that.

Sehun can't force himself to feel sorry for him though, staunch in his belief that Junmyeon brought all of this upon himself. Kyungsoo doesn't complain this much, he just gets on with it. Like a real actor should. Sehun makes no secret of expressing this to Junmyeon, who gradually gets more irked by it every passing day. The only way he manages to repress his annoyance is by distracting himself with work.

On Thursday, the day before the premier, the red carpet is rolled out in front of the theatre and the huge billboards are erected in preparation. Sehun and Junmyeon come to the mutual agreement that Sehun will avoid the red carpet at all costs to prevent any more media attention. Surprisingly, his boss is sympathetic to his plight and assures him that he doesn't want to pressure him into doing something he's uncomfortable with.

For his service, Sehun is gifted two tickets for the musical and told he's allowed to bring two people to accompany him. Of course he picks Baekhyun and Chanyeol, only because Jongin is Kyungsoo's plus one (though, like Sehun, he will not be seen by the paparazzi to protect his identity as Kyungsoo's boyfriend. Kyungsoo has no qualms about the public knowing he's gay, his publicist has strictly forbidden it.)

Sehun agrees to bring them on the condition that they're not allowed anywhere near Junmyeon. Both of them protest fiercely to this, but Jongdae assures Sehun that Junmyeon will be so busy that there'll be no opportunity for him to meet fans. Baekhyun makes Sehun promise to arrange a meeting for them another time, albeit he agrees, he has no intentions of ever letting Junmyeon meet his best friends. It's more than his job is worth.

On Friday afternoon, Sehun is granted early leave to go home and get ready for the premier. Junmyeon promises to meet him before he goes on stage, yet Sehun doesn't hold any hopes up for him making time; his schedule has been so frantic lately he'll probably forget or someone else will swoop in before him. Nonetheless, the offer means a lot to Sehun. He thanks his boss gratefully, to which he responds with a wide, genuine smile.

Despite their slightly fractious relationship this past week, things have been improving for the better. It appears that their disagreement unwittingly made them closer; questions were answered, boundaries were crossed and the seeds of trust were sowed and have been gradually growing ever since. Sehun doesn't trust his boss completely, doesn't think he ever will, but for now they're okay. Things are going smoothly, he's just going to enjoy it while it lasts because it's never for long.

Though, next time, he may make more of an effort to patch things up. In that short period where their relationship was on the rocks, Sehun made the horrifying discovery that he doesn't actually like not arguing with Junmyeon. While it's amusing to wind him up, aggravate him and poke him to his breaking point, Sehun doesn't like it when things get too serious.

Their friendship (is it too generous to call it that?) is solely based on their easy banter, Sehun is the instigator the majority of the time and usually the butt of the joke is Junmyeon, yet the older man has his own sharp tongue and can volley ripostes right back at him. Nobody understands it, but they don't have to. It works for Sehun and Junmyeon and that's all that matters. Sehun wouldn't have it any other way. Now it's been established, they've fallen into it with ease. When that levity is lifted, it concerns him. He doesn't like seeing Junmyeon so serious, it has nothing to do with preserving his boss's feelings.

While Sehun is in the shower, Baekhyun and Chanyeol let themselves into his apartment and help themselves to the food in the kitchen. Only when he steps out of the bathroom with a towel slung around his waist does he realise they've arrived. He became accustomed to their unannounced entrances many years ago so remains unperturbed. He tells them to wait while he gets dressed and dries his hair, Chanyeol yelling at him about their dinner reservations before he slams his bedroom door shut.

The premiere doesn't start until eight, giving them two hours to fill in beforehand. Although Sehun promised Junmyeon he would be there early for moral support, they still have plenty of time- no matter how much Chanyeol whines that they'll be late.

Because they don't get many opportunities like this, the men go all out; decked out in their best suits (coincidentally, all of them are their funeral suits and Sehun remembers seeing Baekhyun in the exact ensemble at his great aunt's cremation) and book a table at the fanciest restaurant they can find- Sehun's treat of course, he makes considerably more money than the other two, they claimed it was only fair he was the one who pays. Not that they would have taken no for an answer.

Obviously it's down to Sehun to drive, considering neither of them drive. They squabble for who gets to call shotgun and Chanyeol wins in the end through sheer force, using his height and strength as an advantage over Baekhyun with the upper body strength of a wet noodle. For the first five minutes of the journey, Sehun and Chanyeol mock the oldest boy's puny muscles which he takes mortal offence at.

"I work out!" He yells, banging his fist against the upholstery.

"No, you go to the gym to show your ass in front of Wonho and get railed in the locker rooms," snorts Chanyeol.

Sehun grimaces. Baekhyun smirks. And the cycle continues.

While the restaurant is nowhere near as expensive as the one Sehun visited with Junmyeon, the place is still upscale. Both men admit they're impressed at Sehun's recommendation, causing him to glow with pride. He even orders them three glasses of champagne to celebrate- mostly to show off his large paycheque, they don't need to know that.

"I still can't believe you managed to get us tickets," Baekhyun remarks. "They were sold out literally ten seconds after they went on sale. My mom cried when she couldn't get them. When I told her we were going I thought she was gonna jump me for my ticket."

"My sister offered to pay me a hundred dollars for mine," Chanyeol adds. "When I said I'd take five hundred she kneed me in the balls."

"As she should," remarks Sehun, not looking up from his menu. "You two seriously owe me for this. But I assume you knew that already."

Baekhyun rolls his eyes. "I knew you wouldn't be doing it out of the goodness of your heart. What's the catch? Do you want us to set you up with your boss?"

This does a good job of catching Sehun's attention. His neck snaps up and he narrows his eyes at Baekhyun, clenching down on his back teeth.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Surely you want to bone him," Baekhyun snorts. "He's sexy. If you don't want to then I'm just assuming you're straight which means you can no longer be our friend. You know the rules."

"He's my boss, you freak. My life isn't a cheap porno."

"Baek doesn't understand that because his is," Chanyeol says. "Sehun, you're classy now; what's a scallop? Should I get them?"

"Um... no? If you don't know what they are then don't order them."

"But I want to try."

"Fine. If you don't like them I'm not getting you anything else."

Chanyeol reaches across the table to try and hit him over the head with the menu, causing him to recoil with a shriek and throw his arms up protectively. The sharp corner of the menu manages to cut into his cheek but leaves no visible mark. Baekhyun restrains Chanyeol by his collar and yanks him back into his seat, sending forced smiles to the diners on nearby tables who are watching the display disdainfully. When they look away, Baekhyun mutters colourful insults under his breath.

Sehun should have known better than to bring them to such a high-class establishment.

Just as he's thinking this, he looks up to see Chanyeol sticking chopsticks into his gums and doing his hilarious (not) impression of a walrus, accompanied by clapping hands. Sehun buries his head in his hands, Baekhyun's high-pitched laughter ringing across the whole restaurant.

Mercifully, they begin behaving better when the waiter takes their orders. The initial fifteen minutes are always the worst, when Baekhyun and Chanyeol's energy levels are unbearably hyper. Sehun likens them to excitable puppies.

Despite how much they may irritate him at times, Sehun can't deny that it feels undeniably good to be back as a trio again; spending time with his best friends after being unable to see them for so long is revitalising. It takes them back to the old days, where they were carefree and had no other concerns but for themselves. Looking back, though rife with struggle, university really was the best time of Sehun's life.

They easily fall back into their usual camaraderie, laughing and bantering easily back and forth. Reclining in his chair, Sehun suppresses a smile and basks in the feeling of warmth blooming in his chest. It's reassuring to know that no matter how much time passes between them, the three of them will always remain friends.

After they eat, they bundle back into the car and head towards the theatre. Because it's on the cusp of autumn, the weather is gradually becoming crisper and getting darker on a night. Winter is Sehun's favourite time of the year, favouring the colder weather over the warm; he doesn't fair well in heat as he's too sensitive. Winter brings snow, sweaters, scarves and Christmas, which happen to be all of his favourite things. While on the other hand, Junmyeon has been complaining for the past few days about the impending bad weather, lamenting the passing of summer. They just work like that.

"I'm glad I'm not on the red carpet tonight," shivers Chanyeol, rubbing his hands together to try and emulate warmth. "It's freezing."

"You'd end up getting accused of being someone's boyfriend like Sehun did," smirks Baekhyun, dodging Sehun's swat when he reaches out to try and hit him. "But Junmyeon is off limits."

"Will you let that drop?" Whines Sehun. "I'm not in love with him! I don't even like working for him."

Both Baekhyun and Chanyeol hum in unison, clearly not believing him. Sehun doesn't know why it's so hard to comprehend that he doesn't harbour any feelings for his boss. Just because they have an unconventional relationship doesn't mean there's anything more momentous is going on. It's annoying that his own best friends doesn't believe him when he quashes their suspicions. Albeit, they're only joking, it rubs him the wrong way. Because Sehun would never fall for Junmyeon; someone so spurious and sycophantic.

Sehun doesn't delude himself into thinking he knows the real Junmyeon, doesn't think anyone truly does. There have only been short moments where he's seen a glimpse of the real man, though he can count them on one hand. Yet, it's in this fleeting moments, where Sehun grows to like his boss just a little more.

As soon as they arrive, Sehun drives around to the back exit of the theatre. Already the place is swarming with paparazzi and fans, large areas of the parking lot have been cordoned off to accomdate the sheer amount of people gathered around. There appears to be more people tonight than there was at the award show, which doesn't surprise Sehun at all. Tonight there will be more opportunity for the fans to meet Junmyeon, as once his performance is over he will go out to meet them all for a send off; which includes singing autographs, meeting the fans and taking photos with them.

The car is taken by a valet and the trio are ushered through the back exit by Junmyeon's security guards, whom Sehun has become well acquainted with. Greeting them like old friends, he asks them to escort Baekhyun and Chanyeol to their seats in the VIP box while he talks to Junmyeon. Of course his friends dig their heels in and try to resist the security guards, demanding that they be allowed backstage to meet Junmyeon too; only when one of them picks Baekhyun up and slings him over his shoulder do they accept defeat. Baekhyun goes limp in his grip and Chanyeol trudges behind, head hung, looking meek.

Knocking twice on the dressing room door, Sehun slips inside the dressing room and closes the door shut behind him. Already, Junmyeon is in his first outfit and is currently getting his makeup done in the canvas chair. His look gradually gets darker and dramatic with each passing scene, the makeup fashioned in a way to make his face look horribly disfigured to match his character. And yet, the most frustrating thing, is that he still looks handsome. Even with the exaggerated red lips painted across half of his face.

"Sehun!" Junmyeon jumps up immediately from the chair, almost knocking Chaeyoung over. He hurries over to his personal assistant and greets him with a handshake. Sehun can feel the perspiration on his palms, though his boss tries his best not to look affected. There's a frenzied glint in his eye that betrays his true emotions- he's terrified.

This is one of the moments Sehun was thinking about, when Junmyeon shows his vulnerability and his humanity. It makes him so much more winsome.

"I didn't think you'd actually be here," he says, putting his hands on his hips and grinning.

"Why would I not be? It's your big night. I wanted to give you some moral support before you go on."

A strange look passes across Junmyeon's face, one that Sehun doesn't recognise- hasn't seen before. His face goes soft; from his eyes, the corners of his lips and even his eyebrows. He resembles a puppy that's being scratched behind the ear; subdued and gentle. Sehun's chest spasms strangely, putting it down to secondhand nerves on Junmyeon's behalf.

"It means a lot to me," his boss says, voice even softer than his appearance. "Are your friends here?"

"Yeah, the bodyguards took them up to the box. They wanted to meet you but I forbade it. I'd like to keep my job up until Christmas because I have a lot of people to buy presents for."

Junmyeon raises his eyebrow. "I want to meet them."

"I'll consider it. Enough about that, how are you feeling?"

"Fine," Junmyeon replies airily. "I don't get nervous about this kind of thing."

Sehun rolls his eyes with a scoff. "You don't have to lie about it, I know you better than that."

"I'm not lying," he states flatly. "I'm not nervous. I've been rehearsing for months, I know the production like the back of my hand. What could possibly go wrong?"

It's strange how fast Sehun finds himself becoming angry. "Why do you always do this? Just admit you're human for once, Junmyeon."

The older man stops dead, looking shocked. "You just called me Junmyeon." He sounds disbelieving. Sehun pulls a face, not even realising it had slipped out of his mouth. Internally he curses himself, annoyed that he let his temper get the better of him. He'd planned to never refer to his boss in that way, knowing how much it bothered him that Sehun didn't trust him enough to refer to him as anything but 'sir.' There must be some way he can remedy his mistake.

"That- that isn't important right now," the younger man huffs. "This is about you and your inability to act like a human being. You don't have to lie to make yourself look better."

"I'm not!" He protests, waving his arms. "What does it matter to you anyway? You don't even like me!"

"Woah!" Sehun gapes. "Where did that come from? This isn't about that!"

"Um... guys," Chaeyoung steps forward. "Junmyeon is on in fifteen minutes and I really need to finish his makeup. Can you do this afterwards?"

"Whatever," Sehun grumbles. "Good luck tonight. But you don't need it, you'll do amazing."

Then he storms out of the dressing room, letting the door slam shut behind him. Junmyeon stands glaring at it for a few seconds before Chaeyoung gently leads him back to his seat, muttering about how she's behind schedule and Jongdae will kill her for it.

Meanwhile, Sehun storms around backstage and makes his way to the VIP booth. Already the theatre is packed out, with not one empty seat in the whole building. Despite any of his current misgivings right now, he just wants the opening night to go well for Junmyeon. He's worked so hard and deserves for it to all pay off. But Sehun knows his concern is misplaced, Junmyeon excels at everything he does and knows it, hence why he is so annoyingly smug. Even just thinking about his arrogant tone makes Sehun's blood boil.

Up in the VIP booth, Baekhyun and Chanyeol have made themselves at home. They've helped themselves to champagne and the buffet table in the corner, deep in conversation with Kyungsoo and Jongin who were extended the same courtesy of having such good seats. Sehun refuses the alcohol the waiter tries putting in his hand, rudely brushing past him and sitting down heavily in his seat with an exaggerated sigh.

Jongin raises an eyebrow. "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing," he snaps. "Absolutely nothing."

"Trouble in paradise?" Asks Kyungsoo, faux sympathetically.

"Don't you start."

Sehun lets his temper stew while his other friends chat and don't even regard him. He knows they're doing it deliberately because he's sulking, yet it still stings. He purses his lips petulantly and glares into space, not even relenting when Chanyeol offers him a chocolate covered strawberry.

"Did something happen with Junmyeon?" His friend whispers out of earshot of Baekhyun and Kyungsoo, knowing they will tease him mercilessly if they hear.

Sehun makes a frustrated noise in the back of his throat. "Yes. He's such a pain in the ass, he drives me insane."

He doesn't have the opportunity to finish his harangue before the box door is opening again, revealing the rest of Junmyeon's immediate staff; Jongdae and his pregnant wife, Minseok, Joohyun and her girlfriend Nayeon, Chaeyoung and her girlfriend Jennie, and a few of the interns whom Sehun can't name.

Chanyeol stiffens in his seat, eyes widening slightly, flitting around nervously. Minseok sits next to Kyungsoo and greets him like an old friend, which they are. They've known each other long before the younger man became famous, going through the rigamarole of shaking hands and asking a barrage of questions. Chanyeol keeps glancing over in their direction, Adams apple bobbing in his throat.

"What's wrong with you?" Hisses Sehun.

"N-nothing," he stutters, startled. "Who is that guy?"

"Kim Minseok. Junmyeon's publicist."

Chanyeol gapes. "You mean your Minseok?"

"No!" Sehun grimaces. "Don't... don't call him that. We've made friends since then but no. Why? You like the look of him?"

"Don't be dumb," snaps Chanyeol. "I don't find any of your exes attractive. That's weird."

"Hey, he's all yours. You should go for it. He's lonely as hell, so are you. It's a perfect match. Shall I introduce you?"

"No, Sehun, please don't-"

"Hey, Minseok! Come over here!"

Chanyeol slides down so far in his seat that he practically crumples on the floor, muttering curses under his breath directed at his best friend. Minseok comes over with a glass of champagne, slapping Sehun cordially on the back and asking him about Junmyeon's wellbeing and how he's faring backstage. Of course he can't tell the truth, so Sehun makes it all up; claiming that Junmyeon is nervous but coping, both of them reach the agreement that his performance will blow them all away nonetheless.

"This is my friend Park Chanyeol." Sehun claps a hand on his friends shoulder, causing him to squawk in surprise. Perhaps he was too vigorous. "Chanyeol, this is Kim Minseok."

"Nice to meet you, Chanyeol," Minseok shakes his hand. "Are you a friend of Junmyeon's too?"

"Oh n-no," the taller man stutters. "I-I'm just here because Sehun had two tickets."

"And you didn't invite your mother? Tut tut, Sehun."

"Calm down, I got her tickets for tomorrow night. Hey, why don't you sit next to me?"

"Sure," Minseok lowers himself onto the seat. If he's suspicious about Sehun's sudden friendliness, he doesn't let it show. "Baekhyun wanted to talk to me though."

"Nah he's fine with Jongin and Kyungsoo. He likes annoying Kyungsoo because he hates him. He thinks it's funny. I said it's like poking a hornets nest, but he doesn't listen. So, Chanyeol... Why don't you tell Minseok about your job?"

Sehun instigates conversation between the two men until the lights go down, indicating the play is about to start. A hush falls over the whole building as every person in the audience tenses in anticipation.

Junmyeon doesn't come on stage until twenty minutes into the production, yet its obvious he's the one they've all been waiting for. Once he steps onto the stage there is a collective gasp from the audience as they take in his disfigured face. Sehun, who has become accustomed to this sight and has multiple photos of Junmyeon like this in varying compromising positions, hardly reacts. Though, even he has to admit he gets the chills when Junmyeon begins reciting his lines. He's extraordinary. Really, there's no wonder he's the nation's most beloved actor.

Sehun tries not to let himself burst with pride. That's his Junmyeon down there capturing the hearts and minds of the audience. His boss. However frustrated he may currently be with his boss, he's still able to appreciate how amazing he is on stage. Not at all like the embarrassing man Sehun has become so well acquainted with.

The storyline of the musical is thrilling, the songs are addictive and performed perfectly. Nearly every member of the audience has wet eyes by the time the matinee rolls around. Although Sehun has spent so long overseeing Junmyeon's rehearsals, he only managed to catch snippets of the plot, so he has no idea how it's going to end. Truthfully, he is just as enthralled as everyone else in the theatre, he just does a much better job at hiding it.

While the others in the booth talk excitedly, Sehun casts his mind down to Junmyeon and what he will be doing in this current moment. Probably taking a few moments to collect himself before the show-stopping finish. Sehun should be down there handing him bottles of water and giving him a pep talk, the distance between them feels unnatural somehow. Even though this is technically his night off, Sehun cannot help but want to be in the thick of the action. For his own sake, obviously. It has nothing to do with Junmyeon.

The break is only brief, lasting ten minutes or so. Soon, the lights are being dimmed again and the musical continues.

By the end of the performance, even Sehun is getting emotional. He has to keep discreetly dabbing the corners of his eyes so no one can see the tears leaking out, though everyone is so engrossed they don't notice. Junmyeon is so passionate, sweating heavily with exertion and his voice cracking in what sounds to be genuine pain. He collapses to his knees and sobs pitifully before his love interest, reaching out for with a trembling hand. It's in this moment that Sehun wonders whether this is what it would be like to be loved by Junmyeon; whether the man truly bleeds sincerity this way or it's all an act.

At the end, Junmyeon collapses into a heap on the stage and 'dies'. Throwing away all his inhibitions, Sehun lets himself sniffle and the solitary tear run down his cheeks. The same can't be said for Chanyeol, who is blubbering loudly with Jongin, both of them hugging and wiping snot all over each other. Kyungsoo remains stony-faced, unmoved by the whole performance. But at the end, he is the one who claps and whistles the loudest. His face brightens considerably and he is glowing with pride on his friend's behalf. Whatever bitter feud Junmyeon has painted between them obviously isn't true.

Of course they are all invited to the after party afterwards, even the plus-ones who don't work for Junmyeon. None are more eager to get there than Baekhyun and Chanyeol, who leave the VIP box so quickly that they practically kick up dust behind them. They can't believe they're going to be at the same party as an abundance of celebrities, wanting to get as much networking in as possible.

Sehun doubts he'll be able to catch Junmyeon for the rest of the night, no doubt he'll be surrounded by his harem of adoring fans. He'll probably leave the party with a handful of girls and take them all home to his apartment, continuing the celebrations there. Sehun bites down on his back teeth, pushing the image out of his mind.

"I need to get something out of my car, you guys stay here," Sehun instructs his friends when they mill around backstage with the other staff.

Sprinting out into the parking lot, Sehun keeps his head down in case any paparazzi are lurking and recognise him. Although the article got taken down, he knows they'd make another one if they saw him. Especially doing what he was about to do.

He tucks the gift into the jacket of his suit, not wanting it to get damaged. Fortunately, he manages to not get waylaid by anyone backstage and has a clear path to the changing rooms. Everyone is so excited about attending the party they don't even realise his presence.

The changing room is empty when he deposits it, leaving as quickly as he entered so he can avoid bumping into his boss. He doesn't want to be around when he receives it.

"Okay, I'm ready to go," Sehun tells his friends, pulling his keys out of his pocket. "We'll meet the others there."

Meanwhile, Junmyeon finally manages to break away from the group of celebrities who came to congratulate him backstage. He took a few photos with him, a reporter came and held a brief interview and a few media outlets took photos of him and the leading female actress. All he wants to do is go home and collapse into bed, his body wrung out and exhausted with the effort of giving it his all. But he knows he must show his face at the after party, it would never be forgiven if he went straight home.

He enters the dressing room alone, telling Jongdae he'll be ten minutes getting changed. He stops dead when he sees the huge bouquet of red roses on his dressing table. Assuming it's a gift from one of his staff members or fellow actors, he ignores it until he's dressed and taken all of his makeup off. Only when he goes to pick them up does he see the small card attached to it, addressed to him.

When he reads the note, his heart sinks right to the floor.

Junmyeon,

Congratulations on tonight. You were amazing.

Yours truly,

Sehun

Notes:

because i have a lot of chapters written in advance im going to try and update every week instead of every two. i hope thats ok, i want to get the story moving and actually finish it at some point :D
please enjoy and stay safe <3

Chapter 11: Chapter Eleven

Yixing is back in town for a month. He called Sehun in advance to tell him that he'd like to meet up with him while he's here, considering they haven't seen each other in nearly three years. Sehun, who is amazed that his old friend even remembered him, agrees without hesitation and tells him it'll be great to see him again. Truthfully, he'd forgotten all about Yixing. Ever since he moved to China to pursue a career in helping to train Chinese idols (not that Sehun is jealous at all) they sort of fell out of communication. They would text and call regularly for the first few months, and then life got in the way.

Sehun doesn't know if he does want to meet Yixing, knowing that his friend made it and he didn't. It's going to be painful listening to stories about his success while Sehun has nothing to show for himself, even though they were in the same class. Yixing will be devastatingly polite about it, he always is, but he will be thinking that Sehun is a failure. 

Jongin is ecstatic when he gets the same text. Sehun, Jongin and Yixing went around in a three in college, joined at the hip and inseparable. Both boys were devastated when their friend announced he was moving back to China, unable to pass down the opportunity. Plus, it meant he could be closer to his sick grandmother, who was a huge source of worry for him. They tried to make him stay, but were understanding when he firmly told them he couldn't.

Sehun didn't think he'd ever see Zhang Yixing again. It makes him feel strange. Like he was meant to have shut that chapter of his life long ago, never to be opened again. Who knows what kind of messy feelings will be unearthed again, especially with their history.

It was never explicitly stated, but obvious to onlookers; Sehun was in love with Jongin, Jongin pined after Yixing for the entirety of their college career and Yixing harboured feelings for Sehun. The love triangle was a running joke amongst their peers, Seulgi especially took great pleasure in teasing them about it, though they denied it vehemently. Even when Yixing drunkenly confessed to Sehun three nights before he was due to leave for China, he ignored it and assumed he was just lying- part of some sick joke. Which is why Sehun thought he'd never want to see him again.

Deep down, he knows it's a bad idea. He just hopes that whatever Yixing felt for him has been extinguished after so many years apart. Obviously Jongin has grown out of the puppy love he felt for the man, practically forgetting about it the week after he left. Fate, on the other hand, has not been so kind to Sehun; making him live with his best friend and be reminded of these feelings every single day.

Sehun approaches Junmyeon and asks for the next Wednesday off, the day after Yixing arrives. Though confused and reluctant at first, eventually Junmyeon caves and lets him take the time off. He doesn't admit it, but the red roses Sehun left him after his performance have sweetened him up considerably. Neither of them have talked about it, but Junmyeon knows Sehun will only be uncomfortable about it so he must express his gratitude in other ways. He's still dwelling on the thoughtful gesture even now. He tells himself it's because Sehun surprised him so much, yet that doesn't explain the strange lurching his heart does whenever he reminisces about it.

He's far too busy to focus on it now, so he represses it into the darkest burrows of his mind and hopes it never reemerges.

Sehun's personal life is the least of his concerns at the moment; not when he has an audition to prepare for, a whole string of interviews with the cast of his musical to attend, another pictorial for a magazine, and a segment on the nation's most popular breakfast show. For all he cares, Sehun can be running a brothel in his spare time.

He realises, perhaps too late, that he should have at least pretended to take an interest in his personal assistant's life instead of admonishing him so quickly. It's something he'll have to make up for another time.

The night before he's scheduled to meet his old friend, Sehun hardly sleeps. Partly because Jongin is in bed with him until the early morning reminiscing on their time in university together, even though Sehun is exhausted he would never pass down an opportunity to spend with Jongin, especially since it's so scarce these days. It's not often Jongin is so animated and talkative either, reliving their past is fun and reminds him why he fell for his best friend in the first place. Even though Sehun knows it's wrong to covet him, there is always the sliver of hope that maybe, one day, Jongin will realise he feels the same way too.

When Sehun falls asleep he is laid next to Jongin, but when he wakes up in the early hours of the morning, he has gone. With an ache in his heart, he rolls over onto the empty which is now cold. He must have been gone a while. He sleeps again, his dreams a muddled kaleidoscope of memories from his university days; the practise room, their first apartment, their favourite bar they frequented every Friday night, but in his dreams, Jongin has been replaced with Junmyeon. Junmyeon twirling around the dance studio like a ballerina, Junmyeon sprawled on the sofa with his head in his lap, Junmyeon sat next to him with bloodshot and dilated eyes, blinking sleepily and leaning against his shoulder.

This time Sehun wakes up in a cold sweat, actually sitting up with a ragged gasp and looking around his bedroom in confusion. No, he's not in his old apartment with roaches and mould, nor is Junmyeon in his bed like Jongin usually would be. What a relief. The dream (or should he consider it a nightmare?) was far too realistic for his liking. Never has he imagined someone so vividly in his sleep, not even Jongin. It really felt like he was there, in the moment, with Junmyeon.

Because it's only a few minutes before his alarm would be going off, Sehun goes to shower and get ready. He wants to achieve the 'I haven't tried too hard but I still look perfect' look- not because he wants to impress Yixing or anything.

Well, maybe.

Sehun stands by his statement that he doesn't get nervous about situations beyond his control or meeting new people, but there is a prominent heaviness in his lower stomach that cannot be ignored. He can't fathom why he's so worked up over reuniting with Yixing after all this time, he hazards a guess it's because he doesn't want to look inferior in front of his old classmate. Zhang Yixing is quickly becoming a well-known name in the Chinese industry, and here Sehun is with no achievements to his name; apart from the one Junmyeon gave him, somehow 'Best Coffee Maker In The World' doesn't have the same ring to it.

It also could be because Sehun doesn't want Yixing's impression of him to be ruined. He's not the same person he was in university, he doesn't want his old friend to have any delusions about him- doesn't want Yixing to walk away from their lunch feeling disappointed that he'd even tried to make the effort with him.

Now, Sehun is beginning to wonder whether it would have been better to lie and say he was too busy to accompany him today, that way Yixing's vision of him would never be marred. They'll probably never see each other again after this, would Sehun have really cared if they had never been able to say goodbye? Probably not. The day Yixing left three years ago was the day Sehun ceased to think about him, and he's half-wishing it had remained that way.

Really, he hates disappointing people, though he's too self-centred to ever admit it. As much as he feigns cold indifference to others, there is still a part of him- the desire- to be adored by everyone he crosses paths with.

By now it's too late to cancel their plans, so he's just going to have to suck it up and get it over with. It'll all be over in a few hours, then they never have to speak again if they don't want to. Once they get this obligation out of the way, they can continue on their separate paths and occasionally look back on their memories of one another with nostalgic fondness.

Beforehand, Sehun agreed to meet Yixing at noon at their old favourite restaurant. The grill place where they would eat at least once a week, twice if it was a special occasion. They had their last meal together here as a class before they graduated and him, Yixing, Jongin and Seulgi all ate here the night before Yixing left for China. Sehun was surprised he'd want to go somewhere that harboured such bittersweet memories, but he didn't have any better suggestions so he agreed nonetheless.

As Sehun is getting into his car, he's struck by an overwhelming longing to have his best friend beside him; to offer moral support and fill in the lapses in conversation, like he always used to. Unfortunately, Jongin cant come because work didn't give him the day off so he has to meet Yixing at a later date. Sehun may have imagined it, but he could swear Jongin seemed pleased with the prospect of meeting Yixing alone.

Traffic is bad which he hadn't bargained for. Drumming his fingers on the wheel, he obsessively checks the clock on the dashboard and watches the minutes slipping away from him. The twenty minute head start becomes fifteen, then lowers to ten, and he is still less than halfway there.

As he sits in the queue, his mind wanders to what Junmyeon will be doing in this current moment. His schedule has become a lot more all-over-the-place since the musical ended; Sehun can barely keep up with which news outlets he's being interviewed by, which photoshoots he's at which variety shows he's pre-recording. Though he never thought the day would come, Sehun has finally adjusted comfortably with his new career and manages to take it all on his chin. It helps that Junmyeon is so kind, but he would rather stick forks in his eyes than admit this to his boss.

The more Sehun reflects, the more he realises that, in the past few days, there has been somewhat of a wedge between him and Junmyeon. This is easily explainable because of the stress his boss is currently under, no matter how hard he likes to act, he just human after all- a soft one at that- but Sehun knows that there is something bigger going on. It's not his place to probe into Junmyeon's personal life, all things considering the older man is extremely private about it, never even allowing Sehun the merest glimpse into it. Sehun doesn't care, obviously, he just thinks a few things aren't adding up as of late.

If he thinks really hard, he would say that the behavioural changes began after the opening night of the musical. Nothing immediately springs to mind about what caused this, Sehun hardly spoke to him the whole night; once they arrived at the after party he had his work cut out trying to reign Baekhyun and Chanyeol in, begging them not to embarrass him in front of all the celebrities who were in attendance. They'd exchanged the briefest of 'well done's' and 'thank you's' before Junmyeon had been swept away by yet another adoring crowd.

No, it can't be that.

After his dream this morning, Sehun feels strange thinking about Junmyeon. While he's aware it wasn't real- never will be- it felt oddly intimate in the moment; the palpable feeling of Junmyeon's soft hands brushing against him, his minty breath against the shell of his ear, the glimmer in his dark eyes under the strobe light of the bar. The way the older man had leaned forward slowly before Sehun's eyes had snapped open in a panic.

Sweat starts to form on Sehun's temple at the memory. He swallows hard, giving his head a small shake. He doesn't want to think about Junmyeon on his day off. Especially not in that way.   

The only good thing to come out of his reverie is that it managed to pass the time in traffic, now he's almost at the restaurant with only a few minutes to spare.

He practically barrel rolls out of his car after he haphazardly parks it (one-handed, with little regard for the Hyundai mere centimeters away from his left door, he hopes the owner leaves the restaurant after him) and is out of breath and sweating by the time he bursts through the front door. Every eye in the quiet restaurant lands on him, his grand entrance causing quite the disturbance.

"Sehun!"

He'd recognise that voice anywhere. Still sweet, still gentle and still utterly Yixing. Sehun's face lights up when he spots his friend waving at him, ironically sitting at the table in the corner they always occupied in their rowdy college days. He reckons this was a deliberate move on Yixing's part.

Before Sehun can even greet him, Yixing is standing up and wrapping his arms around him in a bone-crushing embrace, knocking out what little wind he has left in his lungs. Nothing has changed; not the soft weight of his arms, not the hard muscle pressed against his own, not even the cologne. In this hug, a thousand memories flood Sehun's mind.

"Have you gotten taller?" Yixing cocks his head.

"I think you've shrunk," the younger man says, smiling slightly.

A beautiful, sunny smile breaks out across Yixing's face. He laughs, showing his perfectly aligned teeth. 

"I won't argue with that. Sit down, you look exhausted."

"I am. I had to run across the parking lot because I was late. Traffic was awful."

Yixing looks over his shoulder at the big clock on the wall, looking surprised. "I didn't even realise what time it was."

Sehun sighs. "I see how it is."

The older man rolls his eyes affectionately. "I didn't mean it like that, idiot. But how are you? Sorry, I couldn't wait any longer. I thought I was gonna burst holding it in." 

"I'm good." And, for one of the first times ever saying it, Sehun genuinely means it. For one of the first times since his early college days- the days which he knew Yixing- he is good. It feels liberating not having to lie anymore. "How are things with you?"

"Really well." He takes a sip of his Sprite. "But my zǔmǔ died last year. Other than that it's been great."

"Oh," Sehun's face falls. "I'm really sorry about that. She was a lovely lady." He has vivid memories of meeting her on graduation day, silently remarking how similar grandmother and grandson were; both softly-spoken, both lively and both instantly lit up the room.

Unlike Sehun's own grandmother, who is being kept alive by pure venom and spite alone.

"It's okay, she's in a better place now." Yixing doesn't seem burdened at all, in fact, he's smiling. Sehun had almost forgotten how saccharine he was. Over the years they've fallen out of contact with one another, his memories of the older man have become slightly hazy.  "I was thinking about moving back here after, but it never took off..."

"I'm still waiting to hear about your job," Sehun tells him. "It's the only reason I agreed to come." 

"So you can live vicariously through me?" His friend teases.

Sehun smiles easily. "Something like that."

After they order their food (their orders haven't changed, which makes them laugh) Yixing begins the lengthy spiel of explaining to Sehun how he got his job, what it entails and where he wants to go with it in future. Apparently he joined an underground dance group and during their first performance, a talent scout just happened to be there and picked Yixing out of the lineup (swallowing down a huge amount of jealousy, Sehun understands why. He was always just a nudge more talented than the rest of them) and offered him a job teaching aspiring Chinese idols how to dance. That was two years ago, and now he and another man called Jackson are now the head two coaches in the entertainment company; Yixing rose through the ranks so quickly at such a young age, it was practically unheard of. Apparently it caused a lot of uproar, but the company stuck by their decision.

Yixing claims that teaching hundreds of children and helping them through the arduous audition process is his proudest achievement. It reminds Sehun of the short period where he taught at the youth centre, and is struck by a surprisingly vicious wave of bitterness. He'd like nothing more than to reach across the table and smack his friend upside the head.

Sehun is startled by this sudden violent urge. He didn't think he still harboured a grudge after all this time, it's blindingly obvious the ugly old feelings are rearing their head again. The last person he should feel this towards is Yixing, who worked the hardest out of all of them in college and deserves this opportunity more than anyone, and yet...

When Yixing asks if Sehun still works in dance, he doesn't have the heart to mention his own failed attempt at coaching. So he simply says that he does not, and has not since college.

"Oh," the older man's face falls. "That's really sad. That's a lot of wasted potential."

Sehun shrugs, attempting to shake off his own awkwardness. "I haven't really had the opportunity."

"What do you do now?"

"I'm..." He considers lying, before remembering this is one of his oldest friend's he's talking to. "I'm a personal assistant."

"That's cool!" Yixing seems genuinely interested by this statement, like he doesn't have the coolest job in the world. "Is it for some stuffy CEO or something? I'm gonna be honest, I can't really imagine you doing that- you don't seem like the type to take orders very well."

"You're right about that," he laughs. "No, I work for Kim Junmyeon."

Yixing chokes on his drink. Soda shoots out of his nose when Sehun has to lean forward and thump him in between the shoulder blades. The couple on the table next to them watch the display with disgust, shaking their heads and turning back to their food.

"What?" He squeaks.

"You know him?" 

"Do I know him?" Splutters Yixing. "He's huge in China! Like, one of the most popular celebrities! Everyone watches his dramas!"

The younger man is left wrong-footed. "Wow, I had no idea. He's never mentioned it."

"I bet! He seems really humble." Yixing sighs dreamily, the same foggy expression taking over his countenance that overtakes Jongin when talking about his boss. Of course Yixing is in love with him. At this point, who isn't?

Now it's Sehun's turn to explain how he managed to get the job, though he skirts over his involvement with Kyungsoo; unsure of how much Yixing knows about Jongin's life. He doesn't want to drop any information that Jongin would be uncomfortable with, so he plays it safe. Instead, he fabricates the truth by claiming that he heard about the job through one of his uncle's business partners. Yixing doesn't know enough about his extended family to dispute it. He's too starstruck with the knowledge that Sehun works for Junmyeon to focus properly on anything else.

Yixing leans forward, lowering his voice so the other diners don't hear their conversation. "So what's he really like?" He whispers salaciously, sounding like a gossip-hungry old lady.

As much as Sehun would love to relay what a bastard Junmyeon is, just to marr the perfect vision his friend holds, he knows he owes Junmyeon much more than that, regardless of how strangely he's acting at the moment. To Sehun's horror, he realises that he and his boss have been through too much already, in such a short space of time.

"He's okay," he shrugs noncommittally, unsure of how else to describe him. Junmyeon is such a juxtaposition that it's hard to grasp the correct words. "There are worse people to  work for I guess."

"Aw, don't be like that," Yixing nudges his leg playfully. "Stop being coy."

"I'm not!" He protests. His counterpart just fixes him with a disbelieving look, one that screams 'yeah, right' and honestly, Sehun doesn't have the strength to argue. Because if he did, he knows it wouldn't be convincing enough. He barely understands his feelings towards Junmyeon, so it's impossible to explain it to a third party. Indifference is the best solution.

Mercifully, before Yixing can continue persisting, the waitress comes over with their food. Though neither of them have eaten here in years (Sehun never had the heart to return once they all parted their separate ways) the smell and sight of their dishes has not changed at all.

"It's been so long since I had galbi," groans Yixing. "I really missed this place- missed you."

Sehun takes a bite of his spicy chicken in lieu of response, choking on the scalding heat. His penultimate face-to-face conversation with Yixing, where his friend confessed his feelings for him, plays over his mind like a loop. Though he's almost certain Yixing will have gotten over whatever he claimed to have felt (how does Sehun know he was even telling the truth?) it's still a sensitive topic. Yixing's words were innocuous, to be expected of an old friend who he has not seen in years, yet, an uneasiness settles in his chest. His life has enough complications as it is.

For a while, the pair eat in silence, lapsing back into comfortable familiarity. Sehun realises it isn't so bad, definitely not as nerve-wracking as he initially expected. He had been frightened that their time apart would make them practically strangers, yet that couldn't be further from the truth. It's like Yixing never left. And for the first time since he moved back to China, Sehun is beginning to wonder what could have possibly happened if he'd stayed and started a career here.

Would Yixing have still confessed to Sehun if he hadn't been moving away? Did he even mean it? Would Sehun have ended up in a relationship with him? Probably not. At the time his feelings for Jongin were far too intense to have his head turned so easily. Even now, not much has changed. Sehun is itching to inquire into Yixing's love life, but feels like it's tactless. Nor does he want to look like he's flirting with ihm. In the end, he decides it's best to just keep his mouth shut.

"I'm seeing Jongin on Saturday," remarks Yixing conversationally.

"Oh really?" Sehun plays dumb. "Are you doing anything?"

"Probably going out to eat. But I was thinking... why don't we all go out on Saturday night? Hit some of the old clubs up again, get the old group back together?"

Sehun has heard worse ideas. He doesn't have to go into work early on Sunday considering how much Junmyeon's schedule has shifted around now he's not in the musical anymore, so he doesn't see why he shouldn't agree to this. It will be one last hurrah for them all.

"Sounds good," he wipes the sauce off his mouth with his napkin. "I'm sure Jongin will want to go."

The older man smiles widely. "Great. I was hoping you'd say yes. It wouldn't be the same if you didn't come."

You're entering dangerous territory here, Sehun, his subconscious chimes in.

He eschews it firmly. It's a good idea.

"It'll be fun," he says. "Just like the old times."

There's an odd glint in Yixing's eye, one that he somehow manages to look past.

"Maybe even better."

***

Thursday is a big day for Junmyeon. He's heading to an audition, for the part of the leading male role in the hottest new drama. When Junmyeon tells him the name of it, familiarity stirs in the back of Sehun's brain yet he cannot quite put his finger on it. Not that it's any of his business. His job is just to accompany Junmyeon and ensure things go smoothly, he's not paid to ask questions or pretend to care.

The audition is at nine am, which means they're leaving the company building at eight fifteen to beat traffic. Junmyeon tells him that arriving early will make a good impression on the casting directors, Sehun doesn't know enough about how the industry works to dispute it.

They're back in the usual Range Rover with Taeil behind the wheel. Their brief stint of freedom where Sehun chauffeured Junmyeon everywhere is over, both of them are silently bitter about it, though they would never admit to it. Junmyeon misses the freedom, and Sehun doesn't exactly know what he misses, he just knows he preferred Junmyeon's company this way. Preferred having him all to himself. Because during this time, he could easily be fooled into believing that their relationship was not one between boss and employer, but they were equals instead- friends.

Junmyeon's behaviour is still off, yet Sehun supposes this is just nerves. It will either improve after today if he passes the audition or become worse if he's rejected. He braces himself for both. One thing about Junmyeon, to his credit, is that these strange moods never last long; he's able to shake them off quickly. Albeit, this is the longest one has lasted, though.

"You feeling okay?" His assistant questions after ten minutes of unusual silence.

"I'm good." Junmyeon fiddles with the sleeves of his shirt, having dressed up for the occasion.

"Nervous?"

He scoffs. "No. I've been through too many auditions to be phased by them any more."

Sehun purses his lips and turns his attention out of the window, feeling a sharp spike of anger at his cockiness. Sehun knows his boss is anxious, why can't he just admit it like a normal person? Why is he so reluctant to show the human side of him? It makes him so much harder to like.

Junmyeon breaks the silence. "Did you have a good time with your friend yesterday?"

Sehun is unable to mask his surprise. "I'm amazed you realised I was gone since I'm so unimportant."

"It's not like that at all," his boss looks wounded. "I've just had a lot on my mind." He doesn't allude as to what this was, Sehun doesn't ask. He just assumes it's the audition. How blissfully unaware he is.

"It was good," the younger man nods. "It was good to see him again. I was frightened it would be awkward, but it was like he never left."

"Those are the kind of friendships that last a lifetime," says Junmyeon. "Sooyoung and I are like that."

"You get to see a lot more of Sooyoung."

"Not really," Junmyeon corrects him. "It's hard working it around my schedule."

Sehun scoffs softly. "Right. I forgot. I keep forgetting how far beneath you I am."

Junmyeon turns his whole body towards him, frowning deeply. "What is wrong with you? You know I didn't mean it like that."

"What's wrong with you?" Shoots Sehun. "You've been off with me all week, yet again I don't know what I've done wrong."

Ah. That. The one thing Junmyeon can never let Sehun know; he will take this secret to the grave with him, not trusting it to not fall into the wrong hands. Joohyun already knows far too much, Sehun can't catch on too. He would have to fire him under unfair circumstances, and the last thing he wants to do is lose his personal assistant.

"I've just been worried about the audition." Not exactly a lie, yet not the complete truth either.

"You just said-"

"Yeah, but I have appearances to keep up." Junmyeon rolls his eyes.

"You don't have to in front of me," points out Sehun. "At this point I know you better than you know yourself."

Junmyeon tries to brush this particular comment off, suddenly aware of the staccato of his heart. His assistant's words were guileless, not alluding to anything untoward, yet his mind is racing at the implications of what it could mean.

Perhaps in a different life with a different person. 

"It's not like you tell me every aspect of your life." 

"I'm paid to know every aspect of your life."

Junmyeon taps his chin thoughtfully. "Touché."

The rest of the ride passes by in silence, however the air between them is much clearer. Junmyeon is always amazed how compliant Sehun is once he tells him the truth- how easy it is to just talk to him, to share things he would not share with just anybody. It's not even because Sehun works for him, but because he's grown to trust him completely over the last couple of months. He's never had a relationship like this with a staff member before; aside from with Jongdae and Minseok.

But you don't feel for them what you feel for Sehun, do you?

Junmyeon doesn't make a habit of crushing on staff members. The startling truth, what he has come to realise over the past week which has been bothering him so much, is that Sehun is the first one. It sounds so childish calling it a crush, it sounds like something you would say to someone on a playground; yet it is so apt for their situation. Junmyeon knows it's not serious; it will probably never escalate, it will just be a fleeting affection, so he has talked himself into not taking it seriously.

This is the only way he can stop the shame.

He tries to put it to the back of his mind as they pull up to the audition building, a circumspect concrete block on the outskirts of the city that blends in with the rest of the grey skyline. Nobody would know that a steady stream of celebrities trickle in and out of here on a regular basis, which is why it's such an optimal location.

Junmyeon doesn't want to lose his focus and potentially ruin his audition by thinking about Sehun, not even his assistant is worth throwing away this opportunity. He has been preparing for months, if he doesn't get this then he will be devastated.

Both men are silent as they walk into the building. Junmyeon introduces himself to the receptionist, who scans his ID without even looking up from her computer, waving vaguely and telling him he's free to go through. Sehun notices the clock above her desk reads 8:47am.

"I feel like there should be more security precautions," Sehun remarks once they are out of earshot. "Your apartment building is like Fort Knox in comparison."

"Because my apartment building has annoying personal assistant's coming in and messing with people's sound systems," huffs Junmyeon. "Which, I only just managed to fix by the way."

Sehun grins in lieu of response.

The second floor is where the auditions will take place. The waiting room is incredibly stark; rough white walls, bare floorboards and cracked leather chairs. Sehun can't believe that someone who is inflated with self-importance as Junmyeon has lowered himself to even enter such a building. Even Sehun, who considered charging the cockroaches rent in his first apartment, is dubious.

"Are you sure this is the right place?" He whispers. Even though there is no one else in the waiting room, the place could be bugged for all he knows. It does seem like a location in a spy movie.

Junmyeon wears a faux expression of sentimentality. "Are you worried about me, Sehun?"

"Not really, I just know you couldn't protect me if it came down to it."

"With these muscles?" Junmyeon suddenly flexes, muscles bulging underneath the white material of his shirt. Sehun's mouth goes dry. "You don't have to worry about a thing."

"You know," Sehun ploughs on, determined not to let coyness get the better of him. "Muscles built at the gym and muscles built through hard work and labour are two completely different things. Your muscles are for show."

"You can't say anything. You're built like a stringbean."

Sehun opens his mouth to protest, then snaps it shut. Annoyingly, the older man has a point. What Sehun lacks in body mass, he makes up for in stamina and speed.

Antsily, Junmyeon checks his watch every few minutes and bounces his leg up and down in a maddening fashion. Sehun fixes him with a glare, hoping he will finally get the hint yet he remains oblivious. In the end, Sehun has to clap his hand down on his knee to cease the movements. He isn't sure whether he imagines the coating of rosiness on Junmyeon's cheekbones. It must just be an illusion in the dim light.

At exactly 9:00am, the door swings open and out steps a stiff looking man in a black suit. He bows in Junmyeon's direction, informing him they're ready. Before his boss can walk away, Sehun grabs onto his wrist to pull him back gently.

"Good luck."

Junmyeon studies his face, only to discover he looks utterly earnest. He's even granted him with a half-smile. Nodding wordlessly, Junmyeon acknowledges his statement and follows the suited man into the room. When the door shuts behind him, it echoes loudly and makes Sehun jump out of his skin.

It's impossible to tell how long Junmyeon is in the audition for. Sehun keeps his ears strained, but the room seems to be completely soundproof. For some reason, he finds his palms wet with perspiration; he's nervous on his boss' behalf.

At some point, the door leading to the stairwell opens which causes Sehun to freeze in fear. He's accepted death at this point, fully expecting a hoard of assassins or spies to burst in and kill him, and then kidnap Junmyeon to hold him for ransom. He steels himself, but is surprised when he sees a completely ordinary woman standing on the threshold.

Well, not ordinary. She's probably the most aesthetically pleasing person Sehun has ever laid eyes on; both male or female. Her face is stunning, perfectly proportioned and delicate, but with sharp and knowing eyes. She's dressed in an elegant white dress with puffy sleeves and a fitted bodice, showcasing her slim figure. She looks like she's just stepped out of the pages of Vogue. Judging by the fat script in her arms, Sehun guesses she is some form of celebrity coming to audition for a role.

"Is this the My Brother's Best Friend audition?" She questions, voice deeper than he was expecting.

"Yes. Someone is in there already though."

The woman nods briskly, sweeping past him and leaving behind a scented cloud of sweet Dior perfume. She sits opposite him and two chairs down. Like Junmyeon, her legs begin jiggling almost instantaneously.

Sehun keeps his head down, not wanting to engage in conversation, apparently the beautiful woman has other ideas though.

"If you don't mind me asking; who are you? I don't recognise you." 

"I'm a personal assistant," he deadpans.

She blinks in surprise. "Oh. I thought you were a model."

He remains tight-lipped, the words 'I'm gay' on the tip of his tongue; yet something tells him this woman isn't flirting. She seems far too formidable for this. In fact, she reminds him a lot of Joohyun; both of them have an extremely intimidating presence. Part and parcel of being a powerful woman, he supposes.

With the woman's appearance, paired with the strained silence, the wait for Junmyeon feels like it stretches on for an eternity. Fortunately, the woman is looking through her script the whole time which makes the quietness slightly less awkward. Sehun has nothing to entertain himself with, foolishly leaving his phone in the car. He was too busy thinking about his boss to remember to pick it up.

Eventually, the door opens and Junmyeon steps outside of the room. His cheeks are flushed bright red with pleasure. He bows lowly to the panel of producers, thanking them profusely and shutting the door behind him. Just as he's about to greet Sehun, he stops dead and his jaw swings open in utter shock.

"Jisoo?"

The woman's head snaps up, face wrinkled in confusion then lighting up in realisation.

"Junmyeon!"

Disregarding her script, Jisoo jumps up out of her seat and hurries over to Junmyeon. She practically jumps into his arms, squeezing him in a tight hug. He laughs breathlessly, actually twirling her around. Sehun slumps down in his seat, bitterness burning hot and sour in his throat.

"You're auditioning for the role of Jieun?" Junmyeon sounds incredulous.

"Yes! Don't tell me you're Hyungmin?"

He scoffs slightly, though he looks pleased. "I haven't got the role yet."

"Oh don't be so humble- you know you'll get it. Even if your audition sucked they'll give you it just because you'll get ratings up."

Junmyeon pouts, disgustingly sickening. It actually turns Sehun's stomach to see him so blatantly flirting with this woman, whoever she may be.

Why has he never mentioned a Jisoo before? Is she an old flame? That would explain why they are so comfortable with each other- so ecstatic to be back in one another's company.

"Namil said we should find out if we got the roles by the end of the day." Junmyeon mimes crossing his fingers. Jisoo rolls her eyes. "I hope you get it anyway. If you do we'll be seeing a lot more of each other."

"Are you trying to put me off?"

Junmyeon ruffles her hair which causes her to shriek, ducking out of the way and desperately trying to fix her wavy hair. She wails and insults him, calling him a bastard and other profanities. Junmyeon just throws his head back and laughs heartily.

To Sehun's horror, his boss is watching her with a moony expression on his face.

Suddenly, he feels very much like a third wheel.

Before he can discreetly slip out of the room, his boss finally spots him and smiles widely.

"Sehun! This is Kim Jisoo. We go way back from university. Jisoo, this is Oh Sehun. My assistant."

"I've had the pleasure of meeting him already." Jisoo eyes him appreciatively. "I'm telling you, Jun, he's wasted working for you. He needs to be on the cover of Vogue."

"You leave him alone. He's mine."

Sehun is horrified at the way his throat closes instinctually, a bead of sweat forming on his temple. He's almost one hundred percent his boss didn't mean it in that way, but the statement alone is enough to send a delighted shiver up his spine. He's so disgusted with himself he feels like jumping out of the second story window.

Junmyeon turns to Sehun. "We better get going. It was nice to see you again, Jisoo. Good luck with your audition."

"Thanks, Junmyeon." She aims a mock punch at his shoulder. "Hopefully we both get the roles and we'll be seeing a lot more of each other."

"That would be great. Take care now."

Junmyeon places a soft yet firm hand on the small of Sehun's back, steering him out of the waiting room. If Sehun were not so flabbergasted by the physical contact- which they never exchange- he would be indignant about it.

Neither of them speak until they're safely bundled back in the car. Taeil asks how it went out of politeness, which causes Junmyeon to launch into a spiel. Apparently he enacted a scene from Parasite, and then two from the script that he'd prepared beforehand. He admits that he thinks it went well, but he doesn't want to get cocky. Jisoo's words ring in Sehun's mind the whole time, because they are completely correct; even if the audition was awful, Junmyeon would still get the role because he is Kim Junmyeon. No longer just an act, but a household name- a brand in his own right.

"Shall we get coffee?" Offers Junmyeon, not looking up from his phone. "There's a coffeeshop not far from here."

Sehun is taken aback by the offer. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah. I haven't had one yet this morning and I need something to take my mind off of the audition. What do you say?"

"What if people see me?"

Junmyeon scoffs lightly. "Oh, that won't be a problem. Nobody hangs around here."

"Remember the last time you said that?"

"Completely different circumstances," his boss doesn't miss a beat. "If you don't want to join me you can always wait in the car."

Sehun weighs up the options; either remain in the car and bask in the awkward silence with Taeil, or face his fears and venture out in public with Junmyeon for the first time since the, what he has so delicately named, The Incident. Perhaps if he finally sucks it up then it will become easier to go out with Junmyeon in future, the hardest part is always overcoming the first hurdle. If it goes smoothly today then he will consider it, if not, then he will just hand his resignation in and go to live in utter solitude in the mountains somewhere.

"Coffee sounds good."

Junmyeon nods knowingly, with an annoying smug expression on his face. He hands Taeil his phone so he can input the coordinations into the car's GPS. Sehun scowls with his arms folded the entire time, furious the older man has gotten the better of him.

To his credit, Junmyeon was right. The back streets are completely empty, devoid of any life and activity. Half of the shops are closed or boarded up, which leads Sehun to wonder just how sketchy this part of town is. Perhaps it is this factor that makes Junmyeon feel so comfortable, which is completely absurd, but Sehun understands it at the same time. True, it's a dodgy part of town, but there's nobody around which means Junmyeon can walk freely without having to worry about people hounding him- Sehun can too.

The coffeeshop is a narrow building, nestled in between a dry cleaners and an arcade. As you walk into the building, you immediately walk up a flight of stairs and then into the actual coffeeshop itself. It's small, smells very strongly of coffee beans and the furniture has a scrubbed, worn aesthetic which Sehun cannot tell is deliberate. The whole place looks like a hipster's paradise; this could be a stylistic choice or poor management and the sign the place is going under.

Junmyeon tells Sehun to get the table in the farther corner, offering to go up to the counter and order. He should be safe with his sunglasses and baseball cap obscuring his face, drowning in the hoodie he put on before they left the car.

The younger man settles down at the table as instructed, looking around the place in interest. He's starting to think that the décor is definitely deliberate. Surely, a place this untidy would not be allowed to remain open by law? Then again, it doesn't seem like the law comes knocking very often around this end of town.

Junmyeon returns with a tray only a few minutes later. He looks so domestic that it makes Sehun sick to the pit of his stomach. In this instance, if he was foolish enough, he could let his mind wander and imagine they are here as more than just boss and employee; that this really means something to both of them. The thought is quickly shaken from his mind as he picks up his iced Americano, needing it to distract himself.

"I got macaroons," Junmyeon pushes the bag in front of his assistant. "I'm not sure if you like them though."

"I do. Thank you."

Junmyeon beams. "It's my pleasure. I asked the girl which ones she thought were the best so if you don't like them it's not my fault."

"I'll blame you anyway." 

The smile cannot be wiped from Junmyeon's face. "I had a feeling you'd say that."

The older man sips his coffee while Sehun begins to open the macarons. Cautiously, he nibbles the edge of the pink one to discover its strawberry; his favourite flavour. This could merely be a coincidence, yet he's grateful nonetheless. He bites it in half and offers Junmyeon some, but he kindly declines by saying he needs to watch his weight.

"No you don't," Sehun frowns. "You go to the gym all the time. Your body is fine how it is."

Junmyeon pats his stomach, which Sehun knows is rock hard with abs. "I've gotten lazy the past few weeks. My dietician-"

"Screw the dietician and eat something. You've earned it."

Junmyeon can hardly refuse when the younger man is leaning across the table and thrusting the treat under his nose. He badly wants to say no, already counting up the calories in his head, but Sehun is in such a good mood he doesn't want to do anything to alter that. So he graciously accepts, making a big deal about how delicious it is and thanking his assistant. Though he wholly expects Sehun to berate him for all his praise, he actually seems thrilled about it.

Maybe Junmyeon needs to focus on the little things to keep Sehun happy.

"So," the younger man begins, brushing the crumbs from the table. "Are you going to explain the Jisoo situation?"

"There's nothing to explain. We were in the same classes for four years at university. We were very good friends, inseparable even. But then we parted separate ways and I haven't really seen her since, only at a couple of award ceremonies but never for long. It would be bad for both of our reputations if we were seen together."

Sehun quirks a heavy eyebrow, silently urging his boss to explain further.

"You know that people call me the Nation's Boyfriend. You love to tease me about it. Well Jisoo is the Nation's Girlfriend. I'm honestly surprised you didn't recognise her."

"I don't watch TV," he shrugs.

Junmyeon pauses, his cup halfway to his mouth, narrowing his eyes over the rim. "Have you ever seen any of my dramas?"

Sehun shifts on his seat, suddenly interested in an empty sugar packet on the tray.

"You little bastard!"

"What?" He asks defensively. "I never have any time to watch them these days."

Junmyeon is so shocked he cannot summon the right words. He just flounders, mouth opening and closing without any sound coming out. He can't believe Sehun has never seen any of his roles, even his earlier cameos in movies. Even if he hadn't seen them before coming into Junmyeon's employment, he thought he would at least educate himself afterwards. Then again, this is such a Sehun move. It also explains how he has managed to keep such a frosty front towards his boss, while other people would have melted.

Perhaps, in a weird way, Sehun's emotional detachment to him is ideal. While it hurts the small and irrational part of Junmyeon (the part that makes his heart flutter whenever Sehun is in the vicinity) it's better that they maintain this professional relationship. It doesn't matter how many times Junmyeon's mind has run away from him, envisioning unrealistic scenarios with his assistant, from a business perspective, it's best they remain at arms length. Junmyeon can't let Sehun in any further, and Sehun doesn't let Junmyeon in at all.

"Ungrateful brats these days," he mutters under his breath. Mercifully, Sehun detects the humour in his tone.

"Are you really that narcissistic you'd have me spending my working hours with you, then go home and spend my free time watching your works?"

"Absolutely," Junmyeon says smoothly. Sehun doesn't like it when he becomes self-absorbed, this is the best way to establish distance again. "Do you even know how lucky you are?"

"Lucky I'm not unemployed, unlucky that the consequence is having to work with you."

"Think on those options, Oh Sehun. The former can easily be arranged."

***

Later in the day, both men are lounging lethargically in one of the rooms at the company building. Sehun is sprawled on one of the leather couches, his long, elegant limbs looking awkwardly skewed, while Junmyeon tosses a foam ball high in the air and teeters on his swivel chair precariously. Sehun is waiting for him to fall off, even having his phone at the ready to record the moment.

Hardly a word is exchanged between them. Junmyeon is terse, nerves a frayed edge as he anxiously glances at his phone anxiously. It's eight pm. He should have heard something from the producers by now. He considers texting Jisoo to ask whether she has heard any news, but can't bring himself to find out; if she has got the role and he has not, it will only make her feel sorry for him.

There's nothing Junmyeon hates more than people sympathising for him.

Sehun picks up on his boss' tenseness and decides that it's better if he keeps his mouth shut. As much as he would like to tease the older man, it's hardly appropriate. He knows how much this means to Junmyeon, and even Sehun, in his worst moments, wouldn't like to think he's that cruel.

Jongdae pops in at intervals to check for news, sighing every time Junmyeon shakes his head. It will also benefit his manager if Junmyeon lands this prestigious role, giving Jongdae bragging rights about how well he treats his clients and what amazing offers he can conjure for them. While Sehun doesn't mind Jongdae as a person, he's a pain to work with. He knows Junmyeon shares the same sentiment.

Minseok offers to order them takeout. Sehun agrees but Junmyeon refuses, using the excuse that he's not hungry after lunch. But Minseok and Sehun share a knowing look, he's too apprehensive to eat- he just doesn't want to admit to something so human. So, in the end, Sehun turns the offer down. He'll just eat when he gets home.

Admittedly, he doesn't have to hang around with Junmyeon, he'd be well within his right to clock out since technically his boss doesn't need his assistance. Yet, he wants to be there when Junmyeon receives the news; he wants to share such a monumental moment with him. He can't explain why, he just feels like it's the right thing to do. Though, he doesn't think it concerns his job role, more personal feelings are involved.

The clock chimes eight-thirty. Sehun's eyelids are beginning to grow heavy. He decides that if there has been no news by ten, he will, reluctantly, go home. Junmyeon doesn't seem to be going anywhere, rooted to the spot in an almost catatonic trance. He's even ceased tossing the ball around, just squeezing it compulsively.

When the familiar ding of Junmyeon's phone chimes, it's hard to say which man is fastest to rear up. Sehun almost topples off the couch while Junmyeon trips over his own feet, hands flying out to grab the edge of the table to ensure he doesn't fall flat on his face. Pulling himself up, Junmyeon lunges across the table to grab his phone, which he tossed aside hours ago.

Sehun's heart ceases to beat as Junmyeon reads the text, expression unreadable. He's not the best at picking up the pieces- especially with Junmyeon- never possessing the right words to comfort people, so he hopes it's good news. He's a lot more skilled at congratulating people.

Junmyeon looks up from his phone, visage still blank. Sehun can barely speak past the lump in his throat.

"Well?"

He doesn't speak at first. Time stands still, stuck in a limbo until he eventually opens his mouth.

"I got it!" He shouts. "I got the role!"

A wide grin spreads across his face, lighting his eyes like a Jack-O-Lantern. It does wonders for him. He looks so beautiful and ecstatic and real. Kim Junmyeon's mask slips off, and for a brief moment, Sehun gets choked up when he realises he is looking at the real Junmyeon; the one he has been yearning for so long to meet. To properly look at. The older man looks like a young boy again, bouncing excitedly on the balls of his feet.

Without thinking, the older man barrels forward and sweeps Sehun up in a tight hug. He's smaller but much more solid, his arms are hard with muscle but warm and comforting. Inviting. Their chests are pressed together, through two layers of clothes and skin, Sehun can feel Junmyeon's heart beating against his own. It's this that melts him into the hug, squeezing Junmyeon back as tightly.

Sehun doesn't think about how right it feels to have small Junmyeon in his arms. He just thinks his heart is thudding on behalf of the older man, not because of him.

Junmyeon's face is pressed against Sehun's shoulder, breathing in the sharp scent of his cologne. At this moment, it feels so real. All he can focus on is the warmth emanating from his assistant, and how protected he feels in his arms.

The door to the room bursts open. It's Jongdae and Minseok.

"Son of a bitch!" Jongdae exclaims. "He did it!"

The four men fall into a group hug, laughing loudly and without abandon. It's testament to how much Junmyeon means to them that they're riding on this ecstasy with him- that it feels like their own. When did Sehun even become this close to his boss? When did they start feeling like such a solid unit?

When they pull apart, there is a brief moment where Sehun and Junmyeon's eyes meet. They share a secret smile as Jongdae begins talking rapidly to them.

In this moment, there is nothing more Junmyeon would like to do than kiss him.

Notes:

do i enjoy connecting everyone together and making them all fall in love with sehun? maybe...

Chapter 12: Chapter Twelve

As he frowns at his reflection in the mirror, clad in tight leather pants that leave little to the imagination, a black chiffon shirt with a deep V-neck right down to his abdomen and a black choker, Sehun cannot help but think he is mutton dressed as lamb. 

"There's nothing wrong with that, babe," Baekhyunn insists, flitting around the bedroom looking for his makeup bag. Sehun agreed that he would let Baekhyun dress him but refused to wear makeup, so they compromised and Baekhyun is doing his makeup.

"It doesn't matter that you're pushing thirty, you're hot." 

Sehun's eyebrows knit together. "I'm twenty-five. You're two years older than me. How can you say I'm pushing thirty?" 

"Because no one thinks I'm twenty-seven," he says in his signature 'Isn't It Obvious?' tone, the one that rakes on Sehun like nails on a chalkboard. He loves Baekhyun like a brother, but there are times when he'd like nothing more than to clobber him with a baseball bat. "People tell me I look twenty, therefore I act twenty." 

"No, you act twelve. And stop trying to put eyeliner on me!" He wafts his hands so Baekhyun has to take a step back unless he'd like a finger in his nostril. "I already look like I just stumbled out of a brothel. What exactly is your plan here?"

"Easy. We get you laid." 

Sehun scoffs. "I can take care of that myself."

His friends simply fixes him with a withering look, mingled with pity. "You haven't been laid in months."

Perhaps it's his age, but Sehun can't see the issue with this. He's had his share of nights stumbling out of dive bars, with his arms around a stranger's waist and taking them home with him only to discover they were gone in the morning. Truthfully, it never excited him; he just treated it like a necessity, everyone else did it so he thought he should join in too. He doesn't bask in the attention like Baekhyun and Chanyeol. All Sehun has ever wanted is a special connection with someone; but at the risk of being teased mercilessly by his friends, he keeps his to himself. Tonight, Baekhyun will get so drunk and horny that he'll completely forget about this little mission and Sehun will be able to enjoy his night in peace. It's like clockwork by now. 

In the end, Sehun crouches down and lets Baekhyun rim his eyes with eyeliner, smudging it slightly to give him a more rugged edge. Sehun points out this is futile because the clubs are dark, which earns him a clip around the ears for impertinence.

Chanyeol bursts into his room, still dripping wet from his shower. He even admitted that he didn't want to waste hot water at his own apartment. While Sehun protested profusely, Jongin just laughed and told him he was welcome to use their shower. Jongin is too nice, that's his problem. 

Their friend drops his towel and bends down to grab his bag, which causes Sehun and Baekhyun to scream at him, covering their eyes, trying not look at his naked form. Baekhyun gags, coughing and spluttering while Sehun stumbles around his bedroom, arms flung over his eyes, while kicking Chanyeol out of the room. Kowtowed, Chanyeol holds his hands up in defence and hurries out of the bedroom, using his bundle of clothes to cover his junk. 

Baekhyun collapses onto Sehun's bed dramatically, like a swooning Victorian woman, clutching his chest. "I feel sick. My vision is blurred. I don't think my retinas work anymore. Sehun, he has a hairy ass crack." 

Sehun clutches his dressing table, breathing laboured. "I know. I saw it all. And he has pimples." 

"Do you think he used your douche?"

Sehun quite nearly faints. "Don't, Baek." 

Jongin peeks his head around the door, halfway through styling his hair. He has an endearing calf-lick he has not yet tamed with gel.

"What was all the noise about?" 

Baekhyun shudders. "Chanyeol came in naked."

"Again? I'm going to start charging him therapy fees if he keeps doing that." Then he slips out, humming to himself. 

The older boy turns to Sehun, cocking his head in interest. "Jongin seems cheerful tonight. Do you think it's because of Yixing?"  

"No," Sehun says immediately. "No way. He just hasn't been out in ages." He doesn't like the way his friend has flickered his eyebrows up. "He'd never cheat on Kyungsoo," he states firmly. 

"Hey, I didn't say that. I'm just saying, sometimes things happen when you're drunk and old feelings get unearthed."  

"Like when you sucked Chany-"

"We don't talk about that!" He interrupts loudly. Sehun snickers, picking up his phone. 

He's surprised that Junmyeon has sent him a text, wishing him a good night and to enjoy the time with his friends. Pausing, he frowns at the grey bubble and tries to think of something adequate to respond with. He didn't realise their relationship had reached a point like this, where they took interest in each other's personal life. Obviously it could be out of politeness, yet something tells Sehun that's not quite it. 

He could just be escalating the situation to fit into his agenda. Sehun still feels strange about their interaction the other day, terrified by the fleeting moment where he thought Junmyeon was going to kiss him and he actually wanted it. All it was was a momentary lapse of judgement. Emotions were running high. The day was highly stressful for both parties. Nothing has happened since, so it was simply a one off. Sehun refuses to look any further into it. 

Yet here he is, acting like Junmyeon has sent him a declaration of love over text. Why has his heart picked up speed by his boss sending him a simple few words? It's so bottom of the barrel that if anyone else said them Sehun would simply ignore it. Why is he excited? Deep down, does he too crave Kim Junmyeon's attention, just like the rest of the world?

No. He's just vulnerable from seeing Chanyeol naked. That's all. 

Sehun: thanks boss. enjoy your night too

Sehun: don't miss me too much

Junmyeon: I'll be counting down the hours until we see each other again  

Junmyeon: BTW its 18 :D

Sehun almost throws his phone across the room. The emoji? The countdown? Junmyeon is a sick man.

Tossing his phone to the side, he tries to push it into the furthest crevasses of his mind. Tonight he wants to allow himself to relax and have fun, which he cannot do if the image of his boss is looming over him every night. Yixing is going home soon, this might be the last time Sehun will get to see him until God knows when- if ever. He doesn't want to waste this opportunity. Part of him is tempted to leave his phone at home, but knowing what misdemeanours his friends lead him into, he decides it's best if he has it for an emergency. 

"Time check?" Baekhyun shouts over his shoulder, applying foundation in Sehun's full-length mirror. 

"Seven thirty." 

"Fuck! We only have an hour!"

"Just exactly how much makeup are you planning on wearing?" The younger boy asks, arching a single eyebrow. 

"Shut up, you're distracting me," his friend grumbles, narrowing his eyes in determination. This is so typical of the older boy; to hold everyone up and be fashionably late. Mentally, Sehun decides that if Baekhyun isn't ready on time, they'll leave without him. None of the others will be particularly bothered by this. 

By some miracle, all the boys are ready on time, though Chanyeol has to drag Baekhyun out of the apartment by the scruff of his neck after the older boy protests he wants to check his hair one last time. Shoving him harshly out of the front door, he stumbles over his Chelsea boots and almost lands headfirst in their neighbour's fern. Sehun rolls his eyes behind their backs, already sensing tonight is going to be an unmitigated disaster. 

Their Uber is waiting outside for them, though the driver looks slightly perturbed by the four men clambering into the back of his car. Because of Sehun and Chanyeol's size, it's an extremely tight squeeze for all of the men. Jongin ends up half on Sehun's lap, which makes him freeze in horror, throat swelling in fear. He shifts slightly, not wanting Jongin to sense any intrusions if they should appear. He's thankful for the darkness otherwise his peony cheeks would be shining. Jongin, bless his heart, remains completely oblivious as he chats to their driver, asking him a manner of questions; how is he, does he have a busy night planned, what time does he finish and what does he do for his day job? 

Sehun raises his eyes skyward, praying to whatever higher being that may be up there to not make a fool out of himself. 

The ride to the club is agonising, only becoming more painful when they turn down a backstreet that is full of potholes and bumps. Every time Jongin jostles on his lap, Sehun has to grit his teeth and bury his fingers into the upholstery of the car, practically tearing it open. At one point he accidentally digs into Chanyeol who yelps in surprise, almost sending them careening off the road. 

Considering it's still fairly early on a Saturday night, the back streets are still jostling with club-goers and tourists alike. The city is always alive, but it becomes even more electric on a weekend. Even from inside the car, the atmosphere is magnetic. Whatever reservations he may have had about tonight seem to dissipate. There's something hanging in the air, crackling like electricity between them. 

It feels like something big is going to happen. 

Yixing, Seulgi and Taemin are already waiting for them outside of the club, saving them space in the queue; much to the chagrin of the people behind them. They huddle together to preserve warmth, their clubbing clothes not effectively battling the cold. It's the beginning of September, and the looming change of seasons has already brought frigid breezes and chills. 

Chanyeol and Baekhyun may not have been a part of the group in university, but they fit right in as if they have been friends for life. This is mainly because of Sehun's influence; they have become accustomed to Seulgi and Taemin, considering how many times they have gone clubbing with one another, and they met Yixing many times when they were visiting Sehun in university. However, they remain oblivious to the knowledge that Yixing admitted to being in love with Sehun; that is information he never shared with anyone, not even Jongin. It would crush him, that his four-year long crush only had eyes for Sehun the whole time. 

"It's so weird to be back," remarks Yixing, stamping his feet to keep his circulation going. "I haven't been here in years."

"Nothing has changed," Seulgi assures him. "Apart from the clientele becoming more lowbrow." She sends a pointed glance at Baekhyun, who looks around innocently. 

"Do you go out a lot in China?" Taemin asks. 

"Oh, no." Yixing frowns. "It's forbidden among the idols and coaches. We're not allowed to drink alcohol unless we're on break. We need to keep our bodies in the best condition we can, it also helps persuade the idols to follow the rules too."

"That sounds awful," scoffs Seulgi. "I'm so glad my career never took off." 

"Me too," Jongin echoes. 

"Me too," Sehun repeats, albeit more glumly. 

"You could just do it behind their backs," Baekhyun points out, to which Yixing looks mortally offended. 

"This is why no one invites us places," Chanyeol hisses out of the corner of his mouth. 

Before a physical altercation can take place- as Baekhyun is just taking stance- they reach the head of the queue and the bouncer asks to see their ID's. Handing them over at once, they are granted permission only seconds later. 

Stepping into the club causes a swooping sensation in Sehun's chest. While he is contented with his life at the moment, it feels undeniably good to get back into the scene. He has no plans of going home with any stranger's tonight, but that still doesn't stop the excitement. The atmosphere, the crowds, the alcohol, it's all exciting enough for him. 

"First round is on Yixing!" Jongin yells, causing the group to cheer. The Chinese man just rolls his eyes with a fond smile, already digging his wallet out of his back pocket. 

Swarming around the bar, they squabble over their orders until the bartender has to chastise them and tell them to go one at a time. Taemin wants to start on shots, Sehun tells him to pace himself and Seulgi calls him a boring fart. 

"You used to be so fun, Sehun!" Taemin shouts over the thumping music. "What the hell happened?" 

This question makes Sehun take a step backward, disassociating entirely. Has he become more boring in his old age? No, that's not it. His friends have always been over-the-top, even when they were freshmen at university; it's not his fault he's always been sensible. The only times he's ever done outlandish things is when he's been coerced with alcohol. Sehun has always been responsible, right? Working for Junmyeon hasn't made him a boring person... right? 

The twisting in his gut is physically painful. When Yixing asks him what he wants to drink, he has to repeat himself before Sehun can hear him over the sudden ringing in his ears. In a daze he requests a gin and tonic, though this is one of his least favourite drinks. Jongin sends him a puzzled look which he completely ignores. 

While Taemin doesn't realise the affect his words have had, it's all Sehun can dwell on as they find an empty table and settle down. They won't be here for long, once the crow begins to get bigger and livelier they will abandon their glasses to join the scrum. 

Boring, Sehun bites down on his back teeth. He thinks I'm boring, does he? Well, I'll show him. I'll show them all.  

Yixing slides into the booth next to Sehun, so close that their thighs touch. He smiles shyly at him, and in the mood Sehun is in, he really has to work his face into a reciprocating smile too. He doesn't want to ruin the night- doesn't want to be accused of being too dull. 

Baekhyun is next to Yixing, Chanyeol is next and his long legs stick out awkwardly under the table. At one point a cocktail waitress walks past and trips over his feet, Seulgi has to spring into action and catch her before her tray of empty glasses goes flying. 

"You big, undignified oaf!" Baekhyun snaps. "You could have killed her!" 

Yixing throws his head back and laughs. "You two still act like an old married couple. Did you ever get together in the end?"

The accused men look horrified, on the verge of protesting profusely yet Jongin manages to interject beforehand. 

"Funny you should say that, actually..."

Chanyeol aims a kick at him under the table, yet his uncoordinated aim means he ends up kicking Seulgi. She shrieks in pain, doubling over and clutching her shin. Chanyeol's eyes widen to the size of plates. Without thinking, he reaches into his glass of rum and coke to fish out the ice cubes and hold them against her leg. Seulgi recoils in horror, collapsing onto Jongin's lap in an effort to get away from him. The liquid drips onto the floor. The booth descends into chaos. 

Sehun buries his head in his hands, wishing the ground would swallow him whole. 

Yixing nudges him. "It's good to be back. I missed this." 

"Then you need a psychological evaluation." 

He takes a sip of his drink. "I like my friends in China, but they'll never compare to you guys." 

Sehun is glad that this moment is shared between just them two, that the others are trying to remedy Seulgi's bruised shin and smack some sense into Chanyeol.

"It hasn't been the same without you," the older man admits. "I never really got used to it." 

A soft expression passes across Yixing's face, then he leans against Sehun's shoulder. Usually he doesn't permit physical affection with his friends, he lets it slide with this one. Oddly, it feels nice. Only when his old friend came back into his life did Sehun realise how much he missed him. After the first difficult few months of Yixing's move, Sehun forced himself not to think about him; that way his absence would go unnoticed and he could ignore the gaping emptiness in his chest. No matter how much he tried to suppress it, the ugly emotions still sometimes reared their ugly head- like now. In this moment, Sehun realises just how much he missed Yixing. A huge part of their friend group was missing, unnoticeable until that piece recently returned. He knows that the others feel the same. 

Unsure of how to reply, Sehun just smiles uneasily. He's never been good with handling emotions, particularly other people's. Sappiness is one of his least favourite ones too. Because, really, there is no right way to respond when someone is spilling their heart out; just force a smile until it's over and then swiftly change the subject.

Fortunately, with their company, it isn't at all hard to find a distraction. 

Just as the chaos has calmed down, with Seulgi's quickly bruising shin being remedied by ice and Chanyeol being smacked around the head by Baekhyun multiple times, the booth has shifted back into their version of normality. Taemin is asking Yixing about the training process idols go through in China when a piercing shriek cuts through the air. 

In his peripheral vision, Sehun sees the cocktail waitress from before hurry past their table, and then promptly slip and fall straight on her ass with a heavy thud. The floor beneath them shakes on the impact. It feels like every eye in the vicinity is on them. Sehun's throat goes dry as he makes frenzied eye contact with Jongin. Chanyeol is frozen in horror, mortification dawning across his face. 

The waitress groans in pain, struggling to her feet. Sehun has to choke back a laugh when she slips over a second time, this time landing on her chin. He hears Yixing's bark of laughter which he quickly disguises as a cough, covering his mouth with his hands. 

Baekhyun's face is slowly turning red with anger, Sehun wholly expects steam to start pouring out of his ears at any given moment. If he strains, he can hear a soft whistling like an over-boiled kettle. 

"Let's get out of here," Seulgi says quickly, leaping out of the booth very spritely for someone with an injured leg.

Baekhyun shoves Chanyeol so hard that he tumbles off the bench, managing to catch his footing at the last minute so he doesn't end up on the floor with the waitress. The older man hisses at him to help her up and apologise, while he grabs Yixing's sleeve to tug him away from the scene. Sehun lingers, torn between being a good samaritan and helping Chanyeol or hurrying away from the scene and faking innocence. 

At the last minute, he pulls an apologetic face at Chanyeol before scurrying away. He didn't see a thing. 

Baekhyun fumes. "I can’t believe him!"

An unsettled silence falls over the group as they glance at one another, trying to gauge their reactions. In the end, Yixing doubles forward and begins crying with laughter. Thus causing a Domino effect, soon everyone is in peals of laughter and clutching onto each other for support. Jongin has a tight grip on Sehun's arm which sends electric currents straight to his brain, his friend's fingertips brushing against him quickly makes him completely forget what they were laughing at in the first place. 

Chanyeol joins them some time later, his red face is glaringly obvious even in the dark atmosphere of the club. He looks thoroughly sheepish, mumbling something that sounds like an apology to them. Baekhyun is still glaring at him, seemingly not forgiving him any time soon, but Sehun throws his arm around his shoulder and tells him it's fine- if he buys the next round. Eager to please, Chanyeol hurries off before even taking anyone's orders. 

Yixing smiles fondly. "He's still like a big puppy." 

Jongin rolls his eyes. "He's never going to grow up." 

"It wouldn't be the same if he did," Seulgi remarks, bending down to rub her leg. "Then again, it would save us a lot of embarrassment."

"You're not his best friend," snips Baekhyun, then sighs. "You're right though, it wouldn't be the same without him." 

Sehun pulls a face, wondering why everyone is suddenly being so nice in Yixing's presence. If he wasn't here, they'd have had two rounds of wrestling by now and a bar stool would have been smashed over somebody's head. The fact the group is alluding to sophistication and maturity is almost enough to cause Sehun to break out in laughter again. 

Chayeol returns with their drinks and the incident is promptly forgiven, mainly because he's bearing a tray full of shots. Cheers erupt from the group while Sehun grimaces, remembering the last time he sank shots. It involved vomiting on a handsome businessman's lap mid-makeout session, getting physically pushed out of the Uber and landing headfirst into a gutter. 

Nonetheless, he takes the glass and throws the dark liquor back without a second thought. Taemin's words are still prominent in his mind. He gags when the taste hits the back of his throat.  

"Tequila?" He gasps, eyes streaming. 

Chanyeol winks. "What better way to start off the night?"

"We could have done without breaking an innocent waitress's spine," chuckles Taemin, seemingly unaffected by the strong alcohol. "But I agree. Does anyone want any more?" 

"You're a machine," Seulgi grimaces, sticking her tongue and fanning at it, like it will subside the taste. "I think I'll pass."

With the alcohol buzzing in their veins, they make their way onto the dancefloor, right in the thrum of people. Sehun is getting jostled by sweaty bodies before Yixing grabs his hand, smiles and tugs him safely through the crowd. 

Sehun is well aware he's treading in dangerous territory, yet he's unable to put a stop to it. He wants to see how far it will go, curious to push the boundaries slightly. He's curious about Yixing's intentions; is he just playing risky, or did those supposed feelings for Sehun never go away?

Sehun half expects to be dragged away from the group by Yixing, so when this prediction comes true he isn't too perturbed. He trusts Yixing, knowing the boy wouldn't make a move on him univinted or do anything untoward, but he's being strangely forward considering how shy he used to be; considering how long it took for him to confess to Sehun in the end. Has his time away caused him to grow so bold? Or does he just know what he wants? 

"I'm glad we got time alone," the older man says over the thumping bass. 

"Really?" Sehun feigns easininess. "How come?" 

Yixing beams. "Because I missed you! I can talk to the other's later, but I want to spend time with you right now."

"Well, here I am." Sehun moves his shoulders along to the music. He doesn't know why he's suddenly so nervous around his old friend. It never used to be like this. He knows full well that he doesn't, and never has felt anything for Yixing; the tension must due to the knowledge that once upon a time, Yixing had feelings for him. Obviously that's going to put strain on a relationship, especially when the feelings are not reciprocated. Sehun doesn't want to break his heart, but it might be necessary. 

For a while, they dance in unison without exchanging any words. Their dancing remains respectful, there's no dry-humping or grinding like some of the couples in their vicinity. Sehun is painfully aware of them, which only makes the tension even thicker between them. Yixing doesn't seem to mind, then again, Sehun has no idea what's running through his brain right now. 

Three songs in and Baekhyun comes barging into the crowd, rudely elbowing and disrupting the dancers surrounding them. He knocks past Sehun and boldly grabs Yixing's arm, calling Sehun selfish for keeping him all to himself. Yixing just looks at Sehun apologetically, allowing himself to get dragged away. 

With a slight frown, Sehun thinks to himself how strange this is. Since when has Baekhyun ever been so actively interested in Yixing? The other times they have been out together, they hardly acknowledged each other's presence apart from greeting each other or taking drink orders. Sehun knows Baekhyun too well, the older boy will definitely have an agenda; he doesn't do things without a purpose. 

As Sehun makes his way to the bar, he freezes, understanding washes over him like ice water. Baekhyun is trying to get Yixing and Jongin together! It's so obvious! Sehun recalls his comment when they were getting ready, about how Jongin still liked him, clearly he thinks this gives him the right to meddle and try to get Jongin to reconsider his relationship with Kyungsoo. Whatever their misgivings may be, Sehun doesn't think Kyungsoo deserves this. Sehun has to intervene, the guilt will eat him alive if he doesn't. 

He orders himself a drink and scans the surroundings while he waits for it to be served. None of his friends are in his peripheral vision, already deep in the crowd of dancers. It might be impossible to find them.

"Sehun!" 

He spoke too soon.

Chanyeol comes over, waving at him. "Where have you been?" 

He waves vaguely. "Just with Yixing but Baek took him away. Do you know where they are?"

"Nope, I haven't seen them. I've been with Jongin and Tae."

This stops Sehun in his tracks. "Baek isn't trying to force Jongin and Yixing to talk to each other?"

Chanyeol purses his lips in consideration, tilting his head slightly before shaking it. "Nope. They've barely talked all night, actually."  

"Oh." Sehun drums his fingers on the bar top. Obviously Baekhyun is playing the long game. Well, he has his best friend figured out. Nothing gets past Sehun; he is an all-seeing eye, nothing alludes him. He knows his friends far too well. 

"Are you not trying to pick up some guy?"

"Ah, not tonight." Chanyeol rubs the back of his neck. Is it Sehun's imagination, or does his friend look bashful? "I-I don't think it would be right." 

"When has it ever bothered you before?"

"It's different now. I'm seeing someone." 

Sehun stops dead, looking up at his friend with narrowed, disbelieving eyes. He has to give his head a little shake to ensure he's heard correctly, because there's no way he just heard what he thinks he did. Not from Chanyeol, the notorious playboy; unlike Baekhyun, he doesn't engage in relationships, just one-night stands. 

"Can you repeat that? Because for a second I swore I thought you said-"

"That I'm seeing someone," he nods. "I am." 

Sehun blinks a few times, scrunching up his face. He's still bewildered. "Who?" 

The tips of Chanyeol's ears go pink. At first Sehun doesn't think he's going to get a reply, but the one he does get almost knocks him flat on his ass. 

"Minseok." 

He chokes, having to clutch onto the bar for support. Chanyeol looks wildly uncomfortable, like he wishes the ground to swallow him up. Sehun is too busy trying to work this predicament out in his head, there is absolutely no way this can be a real thing that's actually happening. 

"Why didn't you say anything?" 

"Because I didn't want to get ahead of myself!" He protests. "I didn't think it would escalate."

"It's gotten that serious?" Gasps Sehun.

"I-I think so." The older boy's eyebrows knit together in the middle. "I've never really dated anyone properly before, so I don't know when exactly it gets serious- but I like him a lot, and he likes me too. We agreed to just take it slowly for now."

"Oh my god," mutters Sehun. "I can't believe I'm hearing this. I must be dreaming. Get the smelling salts because I'm about to pass out."

"Don't be so dramatic."

"You're with my ex!" Squawks Sehun, much louder than intended, garnering everybody at the bars attention. They watch the altercation in amusement, eavesdropping shamelessly. 

Chanyeol frowns. "But you said-"

"A bit of warning would have been nice!"

"Minseok said-"

"Do not finish that sentence or I'll break a glass over your head," threatens the younger boy. 

Sehun grabs his drink from the bartender and swigs it in one gulp, much to his surprise. He slams the glass down on the counter and asks for another one, the bartender who had caught a snippet of him and Chanyeol's conversation, hurries to comply with his request to prevent a bar fight occurring. 

"Sehun, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I didn't think you cared about Minseok even when you were together-"

"I didn't," he cuts him off, because this is the truth. Sehun has come to terms with the fact that him and Minseok are much better off being friends. Deep down, somewhere in his shrivelled heart, he's glad that two of his friends have found happiness with one another; he hates thinking of Chanyeol spending the rest of his days alone. Sehun just needs to be a drama queen about it first. 

For some reason, he finds his mind being cast to his boss. He's unsure where his brain made the connection between his friend's relationship and Junmyeon, but they're at this destination and they're going to stay there. He wonders what Junmyeon will be doing right now. Getting a good nights sleep if he knows what's good for him. They have a long day tomorrow and he doesn't want the older man to be sleep-deprived and cranky. He's so much harder to deal with when he's grouchy. 

Sehun feels the glass sliding out of his fingers in horror. What is wrong with him? Why is he thinking about his boss in the middle of a club, when he should be partying and enjoying himself? More to the point, why is his brain so happy to quickly jump to thinking about Junmyeon?

"Are you still there, Sehun?" Chanyeol waves a large hand in front of his face, snapping him out of his reverie. "What's wrong?" 

"Nothing," he says quickly, giving his head a shake. Repressing a sigh, he forces an uncomfortable smile. "I'm happy for you both. Really. Now can we never, ever talk about this again?"

"Happily," agrees Chanyeol quickly. "Next round is on me."

Sehun cannot say fairer than that. 

***

Five drinks and an hour later, Sehun can safely deduce that he is tipsy, teetering on the precipice of being drunk. Though he promised he would remain sensible considering he has work tomorrow, he knows better than to turn down drinks when they're being bought for him; and with his pretty face, there's always an abundance of them. 

For a while he hangs around with Chanyeol, then they find Seulgi on her way out of the restroom and they dance for a while. Jongin and Taemin have disappeared as a twosome, though this is nothing unusual; they're still best friends, who, unfortunately, hardly get to see each other, no one would ever begrudge them spending time together. Yixing comes back, sweaty and red-faced after proclaiming he's lost Baekhyun. Apparently he got talking to this girl he used to work with, Yixing managed to slip away to find the others. He concedes that Baekhyun is a bit too full on, and has he always been like this? Sharing a knowing look, Sehun and Chanyeol agree that, yes, he has always been like this. 

"Maybe it's just because I never spent a lot of time with him," mumbles Yixing. 

"You're the lucky one," jokes Chanyeol. 

In the end, Chanyeol ends up drifting off with his phone in his hand (probably to call Minseok, Sehun decides) which leaves him and Yixing alone once again. Now, with alcohol in his system, Sehun feels less apprehensive. He loosens up, allowing himself to dance freely with Yixing and joke around. He busts out a few of his most embarrassing dance moves, which makes a very drunk Yixing collapse to the dance floor laughing. The feeling that elevates in Sehun's chest in the aftermath is one of warm fuzziness. He's missed this, missed Yixing. He's not sure whether he's ready for him to go away again. 

"You know, Sehun," the older man begins. "I'm so happy we got to do this again. Part of me was scared you'd have forgotten about me."  

"I could never forget about you," he replies, only realising how it sounded once the sentiment is out of his mouth. He hopes his friend hasn't heard over the loud music. 

Yixing beams. "I'm glad you feel the same." No such luck. "I was so worried things would have changed between us but they haven't. You're still the same old reliable Sehun." 

He doesn't know whether he should take offence at this. Is being called 'reliable' a backhanded compliment? Is there some hidden meaning to the man's words? Or, even worse, could he be making a move? Sehun takes a subtle step backwards just in case.

"Sehun? There's actually something I need to tell you." 

The younger man's heart falls right down onto the sticky floor. The blood runs ice cold in his veins, coldness seeps down the back of his neck. His jaw goes hard and his mind races, the lizard part of his brain trying to locate the nearest bolthole. Yixing is staring expectantly at him now, he needs to act fast. 

Sehun slaps the pocket of his jeans. "Shit, I think my boss is calling me. Can this wait?" 

"I-I guess-” 

Without waiting for further comment, Sehun practically sprint across the dance floor in a beeline to the bathroom. He barrels into the room, shouldering the door down with such velocity it almost rips off of its hinges. 

Panting hard, he slams his back against the door as if he's being chased. Only when he looks up does he see he's interrupted a makeout session between Taemin and an unrecognisable man, who is pushed against the sink in between the dancer's thick thighs. Taemin glares at him and whispers something to his partner, who nods, squeaking slightly when Taemin drags him by the collar into one of the bathroom stalls. If Sehun was already withholding vomit, it's definitely going to come out now. 

He makes his way over to the sink to splash cold water on his neck, remembering his makeup at the last minute. Trying to even his breathing, Sehun reassures himself that Yixing isn't going to tell him anything serious. Naturally he panicked when he heard the words 'there's actually something I need to tell you'- wouldn't any sane person?- sure, he shouldn't have bolted, but he can salvage this. He'll wait in the bathroom for a while (the rest of the night) and pretend like Junmyeon was in some sort of crisis. He'll politely excuse himself from the club, go home and never surface from his bed. 

Sehun grips onto the side of the sink so hard his knuckles turn white, his head hanging in shame. He can either face this like a man or hide away for the remainder of the night. 

Hiding seems like the best option. 

When he hears heavy breathing coming from the cubicle behind him, Sehun knows he has to act fast. As much as he would like to rudely interrupt Taemin he has more important business to attend. Rolling his shoulders back in faux confidence, he pushes open the bathroom door and begins the search for his friend.

Yixing is nowhere to be found on the first floor. Sehun loops round three times, even hanging around the bar for a few minutes just to see if he comes for a drink. He heads upstairs onto the second floor, spots Seulgi with a girl and asks if she's seen him. She says she hasn't seen him since the beginning of the night (Sehun thinks this defeats the object of their night out in the first place, but says nothing) and does one more recce before admitting defeat. 

After wandering around for so long, Sehun's lungs have seized up so he decides to go outside for some fresh air. He pushes his way through the impenetrable crowd to sneak out of the back door which leads out onto a quiet alley. Usually there are people smoking or getting up to all manners of shady business out here, but tonight it is deadly quiet. Even the music seems muffled and faraway. 

Breathing in as much fresh air as he can, Sehun rests his head on the cool, brick wall and pulls his shirt off of his sweaty skin. Has it been this stifling all night? 

He reaches into his pocket to check his phone. It's midnight. 

Only twelve more hours until I see Junmyeon, he thinks dully. And compared with what he has to face, he welcomes this thought. 

Around Junmyeon, things are not complicated; there are no feelings in the way. Junmyeon strictly sees him as an employee and Sehun recognises that the older man will only ever be his boss. That's where the line is drawn. There is nothing ambiguous about their relationship, it's so easy to just be around Junmyeon. Sehun realises that his boss makes him feel safe- makes him feel secure. When he's around Junmyeon, they remain in their untouchable bubble where nothing can ever harm him, apart from his boss himself. It's so much easier navigating around him. 

The door swings open and clangs shut, Sehun leaps out of his skin. Snapping his head around, his throat dries when he sees Yixing has stepped outside, looking incredibly shifty. His eyes are wide and flitting around constantly. He leaps back with a gasp when he spots Sehun lurking in the shadows. 

"Sehun!" He chokes, hand over his racing heart. "What are you doing here?"

"I just got off the phone with my boss," he waves his phone, realising that the timing could not have been better. 

Yixing relaxes. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, it's fine. Just a little misunderstanding. He said we can talk tomorrow." 

"That's good," the other man leans against the wall next to him. Sehun stiffens considerably. "I still can't believe you work for Kim Junmyeon. It's so crazy." 

"No one believes it less than me," he mumbles. "What are you doing out here?" 

"Actually, that's what I wanted to talk to you about-"

"No, Yixing," Sehun inhales deeply, steeling himself. "I need to talk to you. Look, I think you're amazing and we've been friends for years- but that's all we'll ever be. I think you're really attractive and anyone would be lucky to have you, but that person isn't me. I remember what you told me before you left for China and for a long time I didn't believe you, but now I do. I-I'm sorry, Yixing. I can't be what you need.”

Yixing just stares at him, mouth open in disbelief as he tries to process what he's just heard. His blush is flaming red, right to the tips of his ears to the roots of his dark hair. 

"I-I don't know what to say," he stutters. "That- that was a lot." 

Sehun runs a hand over his face. "I know. I'm sorry. I just had to get it off my chest before it went too far." 

"I appreciate your honesty. But, um, that isn't actually what I wanted to say." Yixing rubs the back of his neck sheepishly. "I-I'm actually waiting for Baekhyun." 

"Look, I know you're upset- wait what?" Sehun's eyes snap open as he lurches forward. "Did you just say-?"

"Yeah." He chews his lip. "I used to be in love with you Sehun, but those feelings died out a long time ago when I realised nothing would ever happen between us. I don't know why I ever mentioned it, to be honest. Maybe I thought I needed to get it off my chest on the off chance it was the last time I ever saw you. But... yeah. Baekhyun and I have actually really hit it off. It's so strange. Sometimes the right person has been under your nose the whole time."

Sehun is paralysed in utter shock. His brain is telling him that there's no way he's heard Yixing correctly, that this must be some sick joke that his friends are pulling on his behalf. He's waiting for Baekhyun and Chanyeol to jump out from the dumpster like an episode of Punk'd. 

"R-right," stammers Sehun, fully aware of how hot his face has suddenly become. Even in the dark, his cheeks shine like a beacon. "I shouldn't have said anything. Excuse me while I crawl under a rock and die."

Yixing's face falls. "Don't say that," he seems genuinely concerned. "I'll forget about it if you do. We've both said silly things to each other before. We can look past it."

Yixing's ego may be able to recover from this kind of knock, but Sehun doesn't think his can. 

"Yeah, sure," he says nonchalantly, with no intention of ever forgetting this and letting it haunt him for the rest of his days. "Shall we go back inside?" 

"Actually..."

Yixing never gets chance to respond. The door bangs open for a second time, this time an extremely drunk Baekhyun bursts out. His face lights up when he sees Yixing, staggering over to him and throwing his arms around the taller boy's neck, trying to reach up and press sloppy kisses all over his face. Sehun really has a very difficult time swallowing down his vomit.

"Baek," murmurs Yixing, pulling him away. "Sehun..."

"What about him? Is he coming too? That'd be so hot. Where is-"

"Baekhyun, Hell will freeze over before I sleep with you." 

The older boy's eyes widen in realisation, finally noticing his presence. "What are you doing creeping around?" 

"I'm going to completely ignore that comment and go home. It's been one hell of a night. Have fun, kids. Stay safe." 

Sehun ducks down and hurries back inside the club, just in time to see Yixing wrap his arms around Baekhyun's small waist and gently tug him down the alleyway. No doubt they'll be going to Baekhyun's apartment for the night. Sehun pities his neighbours, though he supposes they'll be used to it by now.  

Fortunately, like God has finally taken pity on Sehun after the most mortifying moment of his whole life, Sehun finds Chanyeol almost as soon as he steps inside and tells his friend he's ready to go home. Chanyeol doesn't question his strange behaviour, his tetchy demeanour and frostiness; he happily complies and calls them a cab. Whatever happened to Sehun whilst he disappeared, he clearly doesn't want to talk about it.

By the time they go out to wait on the sidewalk, Baekhyun and Yixing have long disappeared into the night. Sehun is extremely relieved. He never wants to relive what just happened, not even to his closest friend. He suspects this is a wound that will sting for the rest of time.

The silence is stretched even when they get into their cab, Sehun not even acknowledging the driver who greets them. Chanyeol shoots him an apologetic smile and ensures to give him an extra tip when he drops them outside of Sehun's apartment complex. 

The younger boy stumbles slightly as he gets out of the car. Chanyeol reaches out to catch him but he wrenches his elbow away, mumbling incomprehensible under his breath. Inwardly, Chanyeol sighs as he realises he's in for a long night. He wishes he'd accepted Minseok's offer of staying at his apartment, though he thought that would be taking their relationship in a direction he isn't sure he's ready for. He wanted to discuss it with Sehun, yet after how strangely he reacted to the news earlier, he knows not to push it. Especially when he's in such a bad mood. 

When they reach the apartment, Sehun fumbles with his key and forces it into the lock at an awkward angle. Chanyeol lets him struggle, knowing his input will be shot down, watching in mild amusement when the key slips out of Sehun's fingers and the boy collapses to the floor in utter defeat.

"Sehun, why are you in the fetal position?" He asks kindly. 

"Because," the younger boy murmurs into his arms. 

Chanyeol squats down beside him, patting his sticky hair in consolation. "Do you wanna tell me what happened tonight?" 

"Carry me inside and I will."

"Sehun, I'm not-"

"Carry me." 

With a sigh, Chanyeol scoops his best friend up bridal style (making sure he knocks his head against the doorframe, though professing his innocence) and staggering into Sehun's bedroom, where he tosses his friend onto his bed from the doorway. With a yelp, Sehun lands on the mattress and promptly bounces straight onto the floor, landing on his head and doing a somersault into the wall.

"Ouch!" He wails, rubbing the egg-sized lump that is already forming on the back of his skull. "You dick!"

"I totally did not do that on purpose," the older boy says in between peals of laughter, leaning against the wall for support. Every time he looks over at Sehun and sees his deep scowl it sends him into even more spasms. "But I did when we walked into the apartment." 

Sehun grabs onto his bed for purchase, slowly getting to his feet. Every time he blinks, stars pop in his vision. "I hate you so much. I hope you die in your sleep. You very well might do when I smother you to death." 

"I'd like to see you try, pipsqueak," he says cheerily. "Do you want ramen? I'm starving." 

Before Sehun can protest, Chanyeol has left the room to go and rummage in the kitchen cupboard, where he will find nothing but a half-empty box of cornflakes and stale rice right at the very back of the top shelf. Jongin is meant to be getting groceries after work tomorrow night which Sehun will give him money for. Though neither of them have broached the topic yet, with Sehun's sudden increase in salary, he has taken over the monetary obligations. He pays for the groceries, the lion shares of the bills and their takeout food- not that they get to eat often, their schedules clash horribly. It feels good taking care of Jongin, who has always worked his fingers to the bone to provide for both him and his roommate. It's good to repay him. 

It might be because Sehun is still madly in love with him. But that isn't something he wants to get into right now, not when he's nursing a concussion and is half-drunk. 

"Are you kidding me?" He hears his friend yell from the kitchen. "Nothing?" 

Sehun focuses on pulling his pyjamas on, trying not to fall over his own legs. He doesn't think he'll survive another bump to the head tonight. He may have more money for in his bank account nowadays, but still not enough to cover major brain surgery. 

"Your place is honestly the worst," says Chanyeol disparagingly, unbuttoning his shirt. "How do you not have milk?" 

Sehun falls into bed with a sigh, pulling the comforter right up to his chin. "Jongin is dairy-free and I'm hardly ever here." 

"I forgot you're Junmyeon's bitch now- ow!" 

Sehun rears up and begins pummelling his friend with his pillow, ensuring to land most of the hits on his head so he too has suffer a concussion. Chanyeol drops to the floor, flinging his arms over his head and shouting in surrender, trying to wrestle the weapon out of Sehun's hands. Sehun, still tipsy, ends up wobbling off of the side of the bed and falling on top of his friend, landing right on his abdomen. 

"Oh my god!" Gasps Chanyeol. "I think you broke my ribs! Holy shit I need to go to the ER. Oh God it hurts! I can see a tunnel and a light. I’m fading....” 

"I wish Jongin was here to look after us," laments Sehun, still collapsed on his friend's chest. His cheek is pressed right against where his heart is beating steadily. "I miss Junmyeon too."

He will forget this comment in the morning. Chanyeol does not. 

***

Later, when they are safely tucked into bed and Jongin has returned home, checking in on them before he went to bed (he knows only too well how irresponsible the pair are) Chanyeol asks the question that Sehun has been trying to repress into the darkest burrows of his mind, where it will ferment for eternity. 

"What happened tonight?" 

With a sigh, Sehun rolls onto his back and stares up at the ceiling. He links his hands together on his stomach, aware of Chanyeol staring at him in the dark. He resists the urge to poke him in the eyes. 

"Did you know about Yixing and Baekhyun?" 

"Yeah," Chanyeol admits sheepishly. "Baek didn't want to tell you because he thought you harboured some unrequited feelings for him that you were gonna act on while he was visiting. I told him it was bullshit." 

"No one thought to tell me this before I humiliated myself?" Sehun demands. He knows the anger, rising hot and bitter in his throat, is unwarranted, yet it stings nonetheless. His friends were all in on a secret behind his back, one they would not have told him unless he found out the hard way. It feels oddly like betrayal. 

"I'm sure it wasn't that bad."

"Chan," Sehun deadpans. "I can never show my face in front of Yixing again. I thought he was trying to sleep with me so I rejected him, saying all this embarrassing, personal stuff; then he told me he was waiting for Baekhyun. Then Baek walked out and started talking about a threesome- it was very traumatising." 

Chanyeol sighs. "Why do you always end up in such weird situations?"

"I wish I knew. All I know is that I can never speak to him again." 

"I think you're exaggerating a bit. Yixing is a good guy, you know he will never bring it up again. He'll probably forget once Baek has fucked his brains out."

Sehun emits a body-wracking gag, actually feeling vomit slither up his throat. He's frightened he's going to barf all over his clean sheets. He smacks Chanyeol on the shoulder, causing him to break out in his deep, 'huck-huck' laughter. It shakes the bed and, unbeknown to them, wakes Jongin up from his slumber. 

"I hate sleepovers with you," Sehun says with utter chagrin. 

Chanyeol rolls over on his side, throwing his arm across Sehun's chest and extending a long leg to stretch out over his friend's. 

"You love me," he teases, batting his eyelashes up at him. Sehun tries to push his face away, but it's futile. 

In the end, they fall asleep in a tangled bundle, their heavy breathing syncing together.

The whole time, on Sehun’s phone he has not checked in hours, there is a text waiting for him. 

Junmyeon: I hope you had fun tonight. Sweet dreams Sehun 

Junmyeon: BTW it’s only 9 hours now  :D

Notes:

pointless chapter you say? self-indulgent you say?

(ok maybe)

it all connects to seho in the end 😈

Chapter 13: Chapter Thirteen

Sehun wakes up the next morning totally disoriented; he's boiling hot and his pyjamas are sticking to his clammy body, his throat is dry and there's a dull thumping in between his eyebrows. He can explain the last two, obviously after effects of the alcohol he drank last night. While he didn't ingest a large amount, the drinks he did have were hard liquor. However, he cannot fathom why he is so warm.

Craning his neck, blinking blearily, Sehun realises with mild horror that Chanyeol is completely draped over him, clinging onto him like a koala. His fingers are gripped tightly around his arms, nails leaving crescent marks in Sehun's skin.

Wiggling beneath him, Sehun tries to free his right arm to reach out for the bedside table. Stretching himself to the fullest extent without having to move, Sehun manages to get a tenuous grasp on his phone. He squints when it lights up, revealing the time.

10:33am. Just enough time for him to kick Chanyeol out, get a coffee and head to work.

With a grunt, Sehun gently shakes his friend and tries to prise their sticky bodies off one another. Chanyeol just emits an earth-shattering snore, his body somehow going even more slack which makes him heavier.

Sehun attempts to slap him to wake him up, his friend remains dead to the world. Exhausted with exertion, he star-fishes back onto the mattress and formulates another plan. He could text Jongin and ask him to help drag the older boy away, even then it might not work. Or Sehun could call in sick, he has yet to do that and he's been working with Junmyeon for nearly four months.

Now that he thinks about it, four months is an incredibly long time to hold down a job- by his standards, anyway. His time at Bean & Brew was half the time, H&M much shorter and his job as a waiter only outlasted it by a month.

Sehun has known Junmyeon for a while now, yet every time he sees his boss it still feels like the first time. It's weird and impossible to understand, Sehun doesn't look into it too deeply for... reasons.

There's nothing to analyse, nothing suspicious behind either of their actions; they're just two people who have the misfortune of working together. Junmyeon has made this abundantly clear multiple times, having deeply scratched the boundary line into the sand. Sehun knows not to toe the line ever. Not that he would want to. While he can admit Junmyeon's devastating good looks and his, at times, loveable personality; he is not Sehun's type. No. Sehun's heart still belongs to his oblivious best friend. Not the one currently drooling on him, or the other one who asked to engage in a threesome. The one who is two walls away, blissfully aware of Sehun's inner turmoil.

It's getting worse, Sehun thinks miserably. Each time he thinks this, it pushes him further to the thought of admitting his feelings to Jongin. Things would never be the same, it would also undoubtedly destroy their friendship, but the younger boy doesn't know how much longer he can carry this burden around with him. It eats him up day and night, has done for the past god knows how many years. No relationship, boy toy or fling has been able to solve it.

The closest he has come to forgetting about Jongin is the fleeting but rare intimate moments he has shared with Junmyeon. That is only because Junmyeon annoys him so much he serves as the perfect distraction. Truthfully, Sehun is quite relieved him and Junmyeon have such a fractious camaraderie. Life would be very boring if they didn't.

He actually finds himself quite excited about going to work today. It will give him a distraction to stop mulling over the events of last night; prevent him from agonising over his mortifying exchange with Yixing and his friend's treachery. Although he cannot explain these things to Junmyeon- knowing his boss wouldn't care in the slightest, and would only think Sehun was weird- just being in his company will be enough.

With newfound strength, Sehun manages to extract himself from underneath Chanyeol. The boy doesn't even stir, much to his amazement. Shaking his head in a daze, Sehun grabs his shower bag and heads into the bathroom before Jongin can beat him to it.

It feels good to wash the remnants of last night from his body. Watching the makeup, glitter and sweat gurgle down the drain is extremely satisfying. It feels like being reborn. Now scrubbed clean, Sehun can begin the process of recovery and wilful forgetfulness. In an odd way, it's like the beginning of the stages of grief. Or Sehun's own interpretation of it.

By the time he's finished getting ready, even going as far as shaving (which Jongin always likes to tease him about, since he cannot even grow a follicle of facial hair) Chanyeol has emerged from the dark layer of duvet, blinking blearily into the light and yawning widely. Sehun catches a whiff of his morning breath as he passes by, gagging exaggeratedly.

"What crawled into your mouth and died?"

"My love for you. Can I borrow your toothbrush?"

"Yours is in the cabinet. It's the purple one."

Chanyeol salutes, pushes himself off the bed and pads into the bathroom. Sehun pulls out a crewneck and jeans from his closet, not wanting to make any effort today. Him and Junmyeon don't have a very busy schedule, just going to the office building for a table reading, so there is no need for airs and graces. No doubt Junmyeon will also be donning his comfiest (and designer) clothes too.

"Can I get a ride home before you go to work?" Asks Chanyeol when he reappears.

"Sure," he picks his keys off his drawers.

They head down to the parking lot underneath the complex in silence, Chanyeol still half-asleep and Sehun too wired to focus on anything but himself. He cannot fathom why he's looking forward to seeing Junmyeon so badly, it's never been like this before. He chalks it down to wanting to forget about last night, craving the distraction. A hard day at work will take his mind off of it.

"Why are you in such a good mood?" Questions Chanyeol as they're pulling out onto the intersection.

"I'm not," Sehun disagrees automatically. Even after all these years, he doesn't like his friends knowing he has emotions like a normal person. The stone cold facade he puts up doesn't exclude anyone.

"You are by your standards," Chanyeol persists, picking at a hangnail. "Obviously you're not smiling because I don't think you're capable, but you seem happy all things considered."

It's left unspoken, yet it remains hanging in the air, pregnant and unignorable. You're happy considering what happened last night.

Sehun shrugs, never taking his eyes off the road. "Sometimes you just have to move on from things, you know."

"You never move on from things," the older boy points out, which makes Sehun's frustration heighten. "Your body is fifty-percent water and fifty-percent spite and bitterness."

"Do you want to walk home?"

Chanyeol manages to keep his mouth shut from there on, pressing down so tightly on his lips he can feel his teeth digging into the inside of his mouth painful. Apparently Sehun has forgotten what he announced last night about missing Junmyeon, but Chanyeol has not. Whether Sehun hasn't realised it, it's apparent to everyone around him that he has become a changed man since taking up a job alongside Junmyeon. Whether it's the nature of his employment or the man himself is yet to be determined.

Chanyeol has a pretty good idea what the answer is.

***

Junmyeon is lounging in Jongdae's office when Sehun reaches the tenth floor. He's reclining in the leather swivel chair, expensive Nike shoes propped up on the meticulously polished desk as he glares down at his phone, immersed in some kind of online game. He doesn't even realise Sehun has entered the room.

"You're lucky it's his day off," his assistant drawls, causing him to jump and drop his phone on the carpet.

"Sehun!" He exclaims, face brightening. Sehun doesn't like the way his stomach suddenly goes cold at the sight. There isn't time to psychologically analyze this. "Good to see you!"

"I've been counting down the hours," he says dryly.

"You and me both," grins Junmyeon. There goes the coldness in Sehun's stomach again. "I missed my favourite assistant. Sit down, we have a while before the others come. Tell me about your night."

Ah. Right. The night that Sehun was hoping to forget in the presence of his boss. The night he was planning to forget the moment he walked into the office building, not be questioned about it. Since when has Junmyeon taken an interest in his unimportant life?

"It was good," he says breezily, sitting down in the chair opposite. Every time he plants his ass on it, he's taken back to his job interview with Jongdae. In that moment, he'd had no idea how much things would change for him when he accepted the job.

"And your friends?"

"They're good too." Sehun is on the precipice of telling Junmyeon about the drama, then realises it's all incredibly childish. Sometimes he forgets that other people have normal groups of friends; not ones who break waitresses' necks, have sex in club bathrooms and throw their friend's on beds and almost kill them.

"Anything exciting happen?"

"What is this, twenty questions?" Sehun pulls a face. His face falls when he registers the hurt on Junmyeon's countenance, his boss physically recoiling at his tone. "Sorry. Tired and hungover."

"It's okay," Junmyeon says softly, yet they both know it's not.

"Actually, something did happen." Sehun may as well be out with it now, hopefully the amusing anecdote will either make Junmyeon forget Sehun has upset him, or stop him being mad.

"Oh? Do tell." Junmyeon leans forward on the desk, cupping his chin with his hands and staring at Sehun intently, dark eyes particularly bright and endearing. Sehun swallows the dryness in his throat. He knows his boss is doing this on purpose, teasing him to gauge a reaction. There's no other reason he'd deliberately look so adorable.

"So you know my friend Baekhyun?"

"The trouble-maker. I remember you mentioning him."

"Well, as it turns out, him and Yixing had this thing in secret. Everyone knew but me."

Junmyeon falters. Sehun is certain he imagines the fleeting, wounded expression on the older man's face.

"Behind your back? Did you two... have a thing?" 

"No!" Blurts Sehun. "God, no! They didn't want me to know because... well, there was this whole thing. It's hard to explain. But, the short answer is no."

Junmyeon visibly relaxes. "I'd like to meet your friends one day. They sound fun."

Sehun grimaces at the mere thought of the two worlds colliding. Junmyeon would have him fired in a heartbeat if he met the company Sehun keeps. It's too mortifying to even think about. Chaneyol would definitely embarrass him on purpose and Baekhyun would undoubtedly try to flirt with him. For some reason, the thought of Baekhyun doing this makes Sehun's blood reach boiling point.

"Sure, if you find getting wisdom teeth removed fun."

Junmyeon chuckles. "It's a relief to know I'm not the only one you're disparaging of."

The younger man opens his mouth to protest, nothing of substance comes out. For once in his life, he doesn't have an adequate argument. It leaves him feeling wrong-footed, squirming uncomfortably in his seat.

The all important words 'I do it because I care' burn the tip of Sehun's tongue like acid. With great difficulty, he swallows them down just in time. They leave a bitter aftertaste in his throat, one he suspects will never fully go away.

"Anyway, I wanted to give you something." Junmyeon claps his hands, the loud noise amplified in the terse office. He bends down to retrieve something from underneath the desk, making Sehun frown in suspicion. 

"Is this a set-up?" He deadpans when his boss hands him the gift bag stuffed full of pink tulle paper.

"I'm hurt," Junmyeon says flatly. "Just open it, brat."

Cautiously, like expecting it to explode, Sehun brings the bag closer to himself until it falls onto his lap. With uncertain fingers, he pulls the flimsy paper out of the bag and plunges his hand deep inside. What his fingertips brush against is a small, gift-wrapped square.

Junmyeon tries to hide his expectant smile, though utterly failing.

"If this is one of those pranks where I open this box and there's another inside and another-"

"Open it!"

Quickly, Sehun tears off the wrapping paper with little regard for preserving it. He gasps when the gift is revealed, letting it drop onto his lap in utter surprise.

Because he's staring at a brand new pair of AirPods Pro, the one thing he has been coveting for months but could not justify spending that much money on.

"I didn't want you using those wire headphones anymore," the older man explains with a grin.

"Hey," pouts Sehun. "The wires are a statement."

"Do you like them, then?"

"Junmyeon, I-I can't accept this," his voice is small. "It's too much."

Junmyeon cocks his head, looking confused. "No it's not. It's just a small token of my appreciation. You've worked very hard lately so I thought you deserved something for all your efforts."

"But you already pay me." Sehun remains thoroughly confused.

"Consider it a gift from a friend, then."

For the second time in a span of less than five minutes, Sehun is deemed utterly speechless. He's not used to such acts of kindness, especially not from his higher-ups (which, no matter how many times he tries to forget and gloss over the fact, this is ultimately what Junmyeon is), has never been used to people outside of his immediate friendship circle liking him this much. Admittedly, this is all on Sehun's part because he is hardly the most endearing person in the world; he knows he's downright difficult and unbearable at times.

Knowing Junmyeon has managed to see past all of that, to grow to care for him in his own clumsy way, means a surprising amount. Even if Sehun doesn't always pick up on it, or blatantly tries to ignore it sometimes, it's reassuring. Junmyeon doesn't have to like him; like other celebrities, he could treat Sehun with cold indifference, only interacting with him when necessary, ordering him around. Yet he doesn't. Instead, he treats Sehun like an equal. A friend.

One day, perhaps when it's too late, Sehun will realise how lucky he is to have Kim Junmyeon in his life. Today, however, is not that time.

Instead, he's repressing the weird, tingly feeling in his stomach. He's already felt far too many emotions today and it's only past noon.

"Thank you, Junmyeon. Really," Sehun says quietly, unable to meet his boss' eye. "This... it means a lot."

It's lucky that he doesn't catch the soft way Junmyeon is staring at him, with the utmost of adoration in his eyes, heart fluttering beneath his knitted cardigan.

With a twinge of triumph, Junnmyeon feels like they're finally getting somewhere.

***

As a perfectionist, Junmyeon feels like the seven hours he spent in the table reading was not enough preparation for the day. He orders food and asks Sehun if he'd like to help him run through the script a few times before it's time for him to clock out. Sehun, who has been at a loose end all day and has been waiting for Junmyeon to suddenly require his services, is more than happy to oblige.

They take their food into Jongdae's office and settle down for the night.

Sehun is intimidated by the size of the script Junmyeon hands him, much thicker than an ordinary book, and he wonders how anyone is supposed to remember something of such volume. Junmyeon reveals this is only the pilot episode as well, it's an hour and a half long, but the rest of them are only an hour. Sehun is intimidated on his behalf.

Junmyeon tells Sehun that he will be standing in as the female lead- Jeon Jiuen who will be played by Jisoo in the actual drama- while he resumes his role of Lee Hyungmin, the dashing, charismatic lead. Of course Junmyeon was given this role, it was practically written for him.

"Your character is really annoying," remarks Sehun, flipping absent-mindedly through the script. 

"You think?" Junmyeon swallows a mouthful of beef. "He's meant to be the perfect boy-next-door."

"Exactly," Sehun says grimly. "That's annoying. People want characters with edge, not simpering princes. You act like that enough in real life."

"I'm wounded," deadpans Junmyeon, though, deep down, he is. Perhaps he was foolish to presume him and Sehun were making progress today. Whenever he assumes this, his assistant always does something to shove it back in his face. Junmyeon would think he'd have learnt his lesson by now, but what can he say? He loves to break his own heart.

Sehun helps himself to the plastic container of rice as Junmyeon swills his mouth out with water and prepares to read his lines. He has to put more effort in than Sehun, who has already decided he will read through it with the barest minimum of effort.

"Act Five, Scene One," he reads in a flat voice. "Jieun is alone in the kitchen with Hyungmin."

"Stop, stop," Junmyeon waves his hands. "Sehun, you need to put more effort in than that- you're killing me here."

"I'm not the actor," he points out. "How else am I supposed to do it?"

"Meet me halfway here, please," pleads Junmyeon. His voice sounds so soft that it feels like a fishing hook tugging on Sehun's heart. With a sigh of resignation, the younger man takes the criticism on board and makes a mental note to make an effort. The annoying voice in his head chirps at him 'do it for Junmyeon' yet he valiantly tries to ignore it. He's doing it for no one but himself.

"Chanwoo isn't back until five," Sehun begins, in a high-pitched, girlish imitation of the character.

Junmyeon snorts. "You don't have to talk like that either."

"How am I supposed to talk then, sir?"

"Just... normally. With a bit of passion. No silliness."

Sehun rolls his eyes, but takes the criticism into account. There's only so much teasing he can do towards his boss before it gets old. From now on, he will try to be serious.

"That's okay, I don't mind waiting." Junmyeon replies in a voice that sounds just like his own, yet slightly different. Sehun assumes this is his professional voice, though he can't be certain, considering he has never actually seen Junmyeon's acting on the big screen.

"So, how's university?" Sehun asks, trying to submerge himself into the role. Maybe it'll make the whole ordeal less painful.

"Good, thank you. How was your graduation?"

"Wait, wait," Sehun makes an X with his arms. Junmyeon looks irritated. "You're meant to be high-schoolers?"

"A university student," the older man points out patiently.

"Could they not have hired a younger actor?"

"Sehun."

"I'm genuinely curious!"

"Just read the damn script or you're fired."

With a grumble, Sehun picks up the sheath of paper and clears his throat.

"It was good. I was upset when you couldn't make it. Chanwoo promised you would."

"Unfortunately I was at my grandparent's. I'm sorry. You got my flowers though, right?"

"Oh yes." Sehun is instructed to giggle, it's a rough, grating sound. "I had the biggest bouquet in the whole class. My friends were so jealous."

"You're welcome." Junmyeon winks, causing Sehun's stomach to roil. Once again, he slaps the script down.

"I'm sorry, boss, this is painful. It's so cringey."

"It's a rom-com, Sehun. That's the whole point. It's not meant to be thought-provoking or intellectual, it's just fun."

"I can't see Jisoo playing this role. It doesn't seem like her at all."

"That's why she's an actor." Junmyeon's patience is now a frayed thread. He cannot decide whether his assistant is being as obtuse as possible to get a reaction from him (if so, he's succeeding) or he's just an oblivious pain in the ass. Either way, Junmyeon curbs the urge to reach out across the desk and bludgeon him with Jongdae's name plate.

Taking a deep breath and pinching the edge of his nose, Junmyeon commands him to keep reading.

"Mom wants to know if you're staying for dinner. She said she'll make omelettes if you do. She knows they're your favourite."

"I don't want to be a bother..."

"You're not! I'd- we'd love to have you for dinner. We. As in a family." Sehun bares a grin, staying in character. It's fortunate his eyes are trained on the paper in front of him or else he would see Junmyeon battling to keep a straight face.

"Then I'd love to stay. I could get used to this over summer."

"Who said you're going to? This is the only kindness you're going to get."

"You're as mean as your brother, Jiuen. I don't know where you get it from. Definitely not your mom, she thinks I'm her second son."

Sehun sighs. "Unfortunately she does. But you'll be so busy with Chanwoo all summer you'll hardly be here."

"Sounds like you're trying to get rid of me, Jieun." Junmyeon leans forward, as instructed by the script.

Sehun mirrors his action, considerably closing the distance between them. All there is between them is Jongdae's desk and a few inches of space. It's perhaps the closest they've ever been to one another. Sehun drags his eyes up from the script to see that Junmyeon is staring him down, eyes practically blazing, truly absorbed in his role. Sehun tries to hold his gaze, not wanting to shy away and lose the battle.

"Maybe I want you to stick around this summer." 

"Maybe I want to stay."

Sehun is unable to look down at the script, too entranced looking into Junmyeon's eyes. He doesn't want to break contact first, but he's feeling increasingly small underneath the older man's fiery gaze. His boss is trying to psych him out. It's not going to work. He'd rather die than accept defeat at his hands.

So the staring match continues. Neither of them are sure how much time has passed, though it feels like a century to Sehun. Suddenly, he's very aware of the pulse beating in his ears and the hot blood running throughout his body. His breathing becomes shallow, trying to maintain composure. He's relieved Junmyeon cannot see the inner turmoil he is undergoing.

Meanwhile, across the table, Junmyeon's head feels like it's about to explode. Sehun is glaring at him with such an intensity that it sets his skin alight, gooseflesh rising intrusively. He feels a shiver crawl down from his neck right to the tips of his toes. They're so close he can feel his assistant's breath fanning across his face, causing his chest to tighten considerably. Perhaps it's foolish of him to think about kissing Sehun in this moment, he knows the younger man would be mortified; but the electricity cracking between them is unexplainable. And Junmyeon knows it's not just emanating from him.

He feels like if he stares for long enough into Sehun's eyes, he'll be able to read the younger man's mind. Does he really despise Junmyeon, or is it all an act? Is he trying to cover up hurt? Is Sehun still trying to recover from a long-ago wound? Was he burned before and this is why he's hesitant to show any form of affection?

Out of everyone he's met, his assistant is probably the hardest person to read. At no point does Junmyeon ever know what he is thinking- and he prides himself on being more intuitive than most. With Sehun, it's like staring into a brick wall; nothing but blankness glaring back at him. More than anything, Junmyeon wants to tear said wall down and be the person to see the real Sehun.

Both men are still stubbornly watching each other when Minseok walks in, asking Junmyeon about an interview he has next week. He stops dead in his tracks when he catches them in the act, seemingly embarrassed.

"Sorry," he mumbles. "I didn't realise I was interrupting something. Should I come back later?"

Now the moment is over, both men give their heads a slight shake and come back to the real world. For some reason, Sehun feels much colder and emptier now he's lost eye contact with Junmyeon. He watches his boss talk to Minseok, not realising that he's sending the older man puppy eyes.

"You can go home now, Sehun," Junmyeon glances over at him. "You've been a great help today."

"I-I don't have to."

"It's late. Get some rest." His boss' voice is kind, but Sehun knows a gentle admonishment when he hears it.

Standing up, he gathers his belongings and waits for Junmyeon to call him back. He even lingers at the door, yet his boss never even looks in his direction.

***

Baekyuck: can we talk?

Sehun: We're sorry, you have reached a number that has been disconected or is no longer in service

Baekyuck: you spelled disconnected wrong chief

Baekyuck: see you at starbucks at four

Sehun groans and scrubs a hand over his face. He's currently laid on his bed, scrolling aimlessly through his phone. He considered ignoring Baekhyun's text, and right now, he wishes he had. This is karma for trying to be a smartass. Most of all, he's annoyed that his autocorrect didn't work. What kind of useless software was it if it couldn't correct a measly word like 'disconnect'? He's so mad he feels like throwing the device against the wall.

That isn't the only reason he's frustrated though. He has been staunchly avoiding Baekhyun ever since the night at the club last week. He had presumptuously assumed he was in the clear when he was treated with radio silence from his best friend. Trust Baekhyun to try and counsel him at the worst time. Can he not read the room? Does he not realise how much stress Sehun is under?

He has half the mind to ignore Baekhyun's request and stand him up. While the thought of him looking around Starbucks for his absent friend does bring Sehun a great amount of glee, he knows deep down that he can't. Not only would Chanyeol kill him, but he reckons that the two of them should hash this out.

Besides, they might make it onto Worldstar if they have a brawl in the middle of the busiest coffee establishment in the city.

He sets off at three thirty, telling Jongin he doesn't know if he'll make it back alive. Jongin simply tells him to have fun, too absorbed in watching TV. Sehun rolls his eyes, but finds his heart warming at the endearing sight. He'd like nothing more than to accompany his housemate, and for several moments, he almost blows Baekhyun off completely to spend time with Jongin. In the end, common sense prevails and he manages to leave the apartment.

Traffic is congested, which makes Sehun curse Baekhyun- it's almost like he planned it. Picking the most awkward time to meet, knowing Sehun would get caught up in it. Hardly the best start to their meeting.

He can picture him now; checking the traffic reports and giggling to himself, knowing that, once again, he has had the last laugh.

Did he have it with Yixing? Sehun isn't sure. No, he did not harbour feelings for Yixing, but that doesn't mean he didn't enjoy the feeling of being desired by the other man (in the end, did any of this even happen after what he admitted? Was it all in Sehun's head?) and Baekhyun, who happened to swoop in at the right time- as he always does- swept the rug from beneath Sehun's feet.

In a way, Sehun supposes he just liked feeling loved.

Nobody has ever stuck around for him. Men have either tired of him and his refractory personality or used him for their own means and tossed him to the side without second thought. Really, Sehun has never been loved. The love he has been showered in by his friends does not count- nor does his special connection with Jongin. They would no sooner look at him in a romantic manner than they would walk across hot coals.

Yixing was the only one who ever saw past that, the only one who didn't give up on him throughout university. Even Minseok gave up on him. Only now does Sehun realise what a loss he has suffered.

And what Baekhyun has gained.

Harshly, he bites down on his back teeth. He doesn't want to get emotional, to show emotion is weakness; something he cannot let Baekhyun see. While his friend would (probably) not make fun of him for it, Sehun can't chance it. He'd only go behind his back once again and report back to Yixing. He can practically hear his best friend's voice, laden down with sympathy.

'He was in a really bad way. I think you broke his heart. I know he said he wasn't in love with you, but it's like you broke him.'

Hotness pools behind Sehun's eyelids. He has to rapidly blink to eradicate any tears that could be thinking about falling. Whatever happens, he must remain stoic about this.

By now, so absorbed in thought, he has reached the parking lot at the end of the street. He parks haphazardly with little regard for the cars around him, this is the last thing on his mind. As he hurries down the street with his head ducked, he really wishes he was at work right now.

Junmyeon granted him the afternoon off since his day was just rehearsing through his script. No matter how much Sehun tried to protest, the older man wouldn't hear of it. Sometimes Sehun thinks he just likes putting his foot down for the sake of it; a reminder as to who has the upper hand in their relationship.

Surprisingly, Baekhyun is already seated with two drinks in front of him. He's texting someone, deeply focused on his phone, to which Sehun can only imagine is Yixing.

Yeah, I'm just meeting him now. I really don't want to do this, but I will for you <3

Sehun can practically read the message without having to glance at Baekhyun's phone. Anger consumes him as he storms over to the table, not announcing his arrival, simply pulling the chair back with a loud scrape and throwing himself down on it authoritatively.

Baekhyun quirks an eyebrow. "Do you want some explosions to go along with that entrance?"

"What do you want?" Deadpans Sehun, crossing his arms across his broad chest.

"I got you a drink," he waves his hand to the table. For the first time, Sehun notices that there is a plastic cup and a brownie on a tray.

"I don't drink caffeine after three."

"I know, which is why I got you a peach ice tea."

With knitted eyebrows, Sehun slowly feels the icy edge around his heart beginning to thaw. He knows his friend is a sycophant when he wants something, but, still.

He takes the drink without a word of thanks, taking a pointed sip. He's annoyed when he realises that it's one of the best he's ever tasted, but he can't let Baekhyun know this. Instead, he just puts it down in disinterest.

"We should probably talk about what's going on." The older man finally locks his phone and slips it into the pants of his cargo pockets. "And why you've been ignoring me."

"I'm all ears."

Baekhyun cracks his fingers against the table. Instinctually, Sehun winces.

"I should probably explain what's happening with Yixing and me."

"I don't want you to spell it out- I'm not a kid."

"I know, but you want an explanation, right? Otherwise you wouldn't have come here."

Pursing his lips, Sehun takes another sip of iced tea and waits for his friend to continue.

"When Jongin told me Yixing was back in town, I maybe reached out to him on Facebook," the older boy begins. "I don't really know why, I guess I just didn't want to feel left out. I always liked him when we used to hang out together, and, no offence, but I knew you wouldn't want me getting involved. For... reasons. I'm pretty sure Chanyeol has already told you them."

The younger man sniffs, revealing nothing.

"We actually met up the other Friday, we went to see this movie. Nothing happened. It was kinda awkward actually. We didn't have much in common, but I stuck with it because he's really hot and I could tell he was into me- just shy. I subtly asked if he still had feelings for you- don't look like that, everyone knew apart from Jongin- and he said no, that he hadn't for a while. So I thought it was the perfect time."

"That doesn't sound predatory at all."

"It wasn't! I told you; I could tell he was into me. He kept trying to touch my hand during the movie, saying he was getting popcorn. It was really cute actually. I let him struggle because you know I feed off of awkwardness. Neither of us planned anything for Saturday, but it was kind of unspoken between us, you know?"

"So there I was, oblivious to my best friend's betrayal-"

Baekhyun rolls his eyes. "Don't be a drama queen, Sehunnie. You don't even like him."

"But you didn't know that!" Explodes Sehun, all the fury he has managed to withhold this far comes spilling out of him in a molten tidal wave. "You just bulldozed right in like you always do, with no regard for anyone else. You didn't know how I felt- you didn't even think to ask! That's the thing; you just don't care. You don't ask because you don't care about anyone else's feelings but your own."

Baekhyun smirks. "You wanna kiss me so bad."

"I'm serious, Baekhyun!"

"Okay, okay." He holds his hands up in defence. "I'm sorry. No, I didn't think about it because I didn't think there was an issue. In the three years he moved away, you never mentioned him once. In fact, it seemed like you didn't even care. You didn't reciprocate his feelings in university, so I thought 'hey, Sehun obviously doesn't give a shit, so I should give it a try.' Is that really so wrong?"

"But you didn't even ask!"

"I didn't think I needed permission! From you of all people!"

Sehun shakes his head in disgust, and spits out the words he knows he can't take back. "This is why Taeyong left you."

There. It's out in the open now. Judging by the hurt expression on Baekhyun's visage- no, not hurt, crushed- Sehun knows he has forced open the scabbed-over wound and rubbed salt all over it. Good. Two can play at that game. If they're going to get into verbal back and forth, Sehun should be allowed to fire his own shots.

"How can you-?"

"Say that? Very easily," Sehun barks a laugh, a harsh sound. "Because it's true. He left you because you're a selfish jerk."

Baekhyun is breathing in harshly through his nose. "You don't know anything about what happened."

"No? Looks like we've both been assuming things then."

For several moments, Baekhyun's eyes are so fiery and enraged that they're practically burning holes in Sehun's skin. The younger boy wonders if his prediction about fighting in the middle of Starbucks is actually going to come true. There's definitely a certain irony to it. He just hopes it won't affect his job prospects in the future.

"I'm not getting into this with you," the older boy says, surprisingly mature for someone so usually petulant. "I just wanted to lay it down for you. Yixing and I are gonna spend time together while he's still in town and see where it goes from there. Probably nowhere once he goes back to China, but you'll never know unless you try, right?"

Sehun shrugs. "Sure. I guess."

In the prolonged silence that ensues, Baekhyun watches his friend sadly, the that was blazing in his eyes has now been dampened by sympathy. Poor Sehun who has no one, who has spent the past decade lamenting over his best friend- a man who has never understood his love and will never reciprocate. There is no wonder why he's so bitter. All the men Baekhyun has tried to set him up with and it's never worked. Long ago Baekhyun realised that it was his friend that was the problem all along.

"I'm not asking for your permission," Baekhyun says quickly. "Because I'm a grown man. But... I thought I should tell you. I don't want to keep you in the dark anymore."

"I get it."

His friend's offhand responses have been unsettling him, but he doesn't want to push it. When he's worked it up, it doesn't take many button presses to set Sehun off again. His outburst moments ago could be the first of many if Baekhyun isn't careful. And, as much as he usually likes teasing the younger boy, it doesn't feel right rubbing this topic in his face.

"I care about you, Sehunnie, and-"

"Can I go now?"

The older man blinks, ignoring the blossoming hurt that starts in his ribcage and transverses right down to the pit of his stomach. "Sure, if you want to."

"Thanks for the drink," he says, without taking it with him. He leaves the coffeeshop without so much as a backwards glance, trying to hurry out before any unwelcome tears begin falling.

***

He drums his fingertips against his steering wheel, only half listening to the depressing piano melody playing on the radio. It's like all the disc jockeys in the city know what a foul mood he's in and are determined to only make it worse.

"Hello? Sehun?" Junmyeon's voice sounds surprised. "Are you okay?"

As soon as he hears his boss' voice, Sehun sinks back into the driver's seat. Immediately he knows he shouldn't have called Junmyeon. It was a spur of the moment thing, driven out of pure frustration and helplessness. Because he has no one else to talk to. No one else understands how lonely he is; not Chanyeol, not Jongin, not Seulgi, hell, not even Yixing anymore. Junmyeon is the only person who understands what it's like to drift through life surrounded by people yet still achingly lonely.

"I-I'm fine. I shouldn't have called, I'm-"

"Have you been crying?" Junmyeon is evidently concerned. Shit. Sehun didn't mean to let his voice crack. "Sehun, what's going on?"

"It's nothing. Really." Furiously, Sehun scrubs his face with his hoodie sleeve. He's about to put the phone down and pretend this conversation hadn't happened at all. If Junmyeon asks him about it, he'll play dumb and tell him he has no idea what he's talking about.

"Do you need to talk to someone?"

This is unexpected. Through the fog in his mind, this does a good job at bringing Sehun up short. 

"Sorry?"

"Would you like to talk to someone?" Offers Junmyeon, sounding so caring that it almost sends Sehun into floods of tears.

"That... that would be nice."

"Swing by my apartment."

Sehun freezes. His brain screams at him to not fall into this trap. He knows Junmyeon would never advance on him or try anything sinister, but for the wellbeing of Sehun's own heart, he knows this is a terrible idea. It's susceptible to open all sorts of doors that he has resolutely been trying to keep locked. Just the mere aspect of being alone in Junmyeon's spacious apartment makes his gut squeeze uncomfortably tight.

"I don't think-"

"I insist." What he says next, Sehun can practically envision the smile on his face. "You better come round, or you're fired."

He puts the phone down, giving Sehun no chance to argue.

Minutes later, he is pulling out of the parking lot and driving over to Junmyeon's place.

Notes:

are we finally seeing progress? whaaaat???

hehe im so excited for what's about to come, this is really a turning point for their relationship :D

please enjoy!

Chapter 14: Chapter Fourteen

It is much easier gaining access to Junmyeon's apartment when he is home. He must have forewarned the concierge (who is a kindly old man tonight, not the witch Sehun tussled with last time) who grants him permission straight away, even going so far as to smile and wish him a good night. Sehun tries not to think about the implications of him turning up to his boss' apartment in the evening- what people must be thinking. Though the old man's smile is pleasant, he's probably thinking 'what a bunch of gay boys.' Sehun has been subject to sentiments like this for the majority of his life. 

Fortunately, he doesn't cross paths with anyone on his way up to Number 93, he's only too aware of which celebrities lurk behind these polished wood doors, Junmyeon has told him all about his neighbours. Sehun can only deal with one celebrity a night. 

Once outside Junmyeon's door, Sehun suddenly loses all of his nerve (not that he possessed much to begin with) and is reluctant to bring himself to knock. His arms swing uselessly by his side, feeling like lead. It occurs to him, with the force of a freight train, that this was a terrible idea. 

He wonders if it's too late to turn back now, to pretend like he was never here and just make the excuse that he decided it was for the best if he just went home. While he cannot understand why Junmyeon has shown him such kindness, Sehun knows he probably doesn't mean it; his boss is a renowned sycophant, so there will undoubtedly be an ulterior motive. He probably wants Sehun to make him dinner or something while he's here. It's unlikely that he's done this purely out of the goodness of his heart. 

Just as Sehun is preparing to spin on his heels and scurry away with his metaphorical tail between his legs, the front door is thrown open which creates such a gust of wind it almost knocks him off his feet. His heart does that strange stuttering thing when he sees his boss leaning against the door frame, smiling expectantly at him. 

"Look what the cat dragged in," he jokes. 

Immediately, Sehun drops his eyes. "Hi," he mutters, wondering if the older man is going to turn him away. Junmyeon is startled by his sudden meek demeanor, unable to hide his surprise by raising his eyebrows. 

"Would you like to come in?"

No! Sehun's brain screams at him. Get out while you still can! There's still time! There was an ad in Starbucks about a barista, just apply there and you'll never have to see Junmyeon again!

"Thanks." He skirts past Junmyeon and steps into the spacious apartment. For some reason, it looks so much different when Junmyeon is occupying it. Feels like a home. Though still far too big a space for just one person to occupy. Sehun wonders if this is why Junmyeon avoids coming home- choosing to always make himself busy. 

Sehun knows he probably doesn't have time for a family with his busy schedule, but that doesn't explain why his boss doesn't have somebody in his life. Kyungsoo makes time for Jongin, Junmyeon could easily do the same. For a while Sehun has been trying to ignore the womaniser allegations about his boss, yet he's starting to wonder once again if they are true. He has no idea what Junmyeon gets up to once he clocks out. 

He stands awkwardly in the foyer as Junmyeon shuts the door, shuffling forward in his slippers. "Would you like something to drink?"

Sehun thinks about the peach iced tea he left abandoned in Starbucks, nods, and asks his boss if he can get water. Happy to oblige, Junmyeon hurries off in the direction of the instruction, calling over his shoulder to tell Sehun to make himself at home. 

The younger man perches on the edge of the white leather couch, terrified he will leave a stain. This particular piece of furniture probably cost more than his whole apartment, so he must air on the side of caution. 

"It's just filtered water, hope you don't mind," Junmyeon hands him the crystalline glass, which he takes with fingers that tremble ever so slightly. If the older man notices, he politely chooses not to comment. 

For the first time since his arrival, Sehun takes in his boss's appearance; slippers, loose but designer trousers, and a striped, floaty shirt that looks at least three sizes too big for him- it drowns out his figure, making him look irresistibly cuddly.

"Do you always look so perfect?" Sehun grumbles. 

Junmyeon grins. "I have to. I never know when I'm going to get sad personal assistants turning up on my doorstep."

"Believe me, I won't be making a habit of it." 

"That's a shame" pouts Junmyeon. "I quite like having the company." He says it in a tone full of levity, both of them are all too aware that his words hold more weight than they're meant to. 

Heavily, Junmyeon flings himself down onto the couch about a foot away from Sehun. He pats the space on the couch next to him. "Come on. Tell Uncle Junmyeon what's wrong."

"Never say that again," Sehun shudders. He finds an inexplicable force drawing him closer towards his boss, shuffling along the leather until there's only a few inches left between them. At this distance, he can feel the body heat emanating from the older man. It feels oddly intimate. 

The whole situation is strange. Being in Junmyeon's apartment, being this close to him, preparing to spill his guts to him. A few months ago Sehun would never have dreamed of this- truthfully he's still uncertain about it now- but, it feels... He doesn't want to be cliché and say it feels right, because he's still wildly uncomfortable, but it feels okay. 

Steeling himself, Sehun inhales deeply and says in a rush, "I got into a fight with Baekhyun," feeling all the air leave his lungs. 

"Oh?" Junmyeon cocks his head. "Can I ask what about?" 

"About Yixing. You know, I can't even remember why I was so angry." He takes a sip of water to wet his tongue which has become unbearably dry. Out of nerves more than anything. "Then Baekhyun started saying all this stuff that just really pissed me off for some reason. I almost punched him in the middle of Starbucks, but I was scared I'd lose my job." 

Junmyeon cannot help but let a loud laugh escape, coming right from the depths of his chest. This might be the funniest thing he has heard all week. 

"Sorry," he splutters, clapping his hand to his mouth. "I didn't mean to laugh. I'd never fire you because of that."

"Would Jongdae though?" Shoots Sehun, managing to make direct eye contact with him.

Junmyeon purses his lips, his silence is the answer Sehun needs. 

"Did he... say hurtful things to you?" Hedges Junmyeon cautiously. Even in his vulnerable moments, Sehun is a ticking time bomb. The slightest nudge from Junmyeon could set him off, the whole thing blowing up in his face; and Junmyeon isn't ready to say goodbye to him yet. 

"Not really. It was mainly me saying the hurtful things." He slouches slightly, eyes suddenly becoming overwhelmingly sad. "It usually is." 

Throwing away all abandon, Junmyeon pats the younger man in between the shoulder blades. He jumps slightly at the contact, yet allows himself to be comforted. The gentle pressure of Junmyeon's hand on his spine is pleasant. Warms him up a little. 

"I don't believe you'd say anything hurtful unprompted."

This is an absolute lie. Junmyeon is only too aware of Sehun's venomous tongue, how he can lash out without any provocation. Strangely, he actually finds himself sympathising with this Baekhyun a bit. Anyone who has been able to tolerate Sehun's spiteful temper for so long deserves some kind of compensation. Already Junmyeon thinks he is entitled to some. 

"He fucked Yixing," Sehun says, and it all sounds so shallow and childish aloud, but he cannot help how he feels. "I feel like they did it because they secretly hate me."

Junmyeon never had a big circle of friends when he was growing up. He had a select few companions and endless acquaintances, but never many people he would consider himself extremely close to- not like Sehun, who has been friends with these people since before he had milk teeth coming through. He doesn't know how to navigate friendship like this, he's hardly qualified to give advice, has no idea if he's even saying the right thing- but the voice in his head tells him to try, for Sehun. 

"That's definitely not it," the older man frowns. "It's obvious they care for you a lot. Yes they kept it from you to preserve your feelings, but it was probably because they were worried it would upset you- not because they hated you and wanted to keep it from you.” 

Isn't that the truth. He will never forget the day Sooyoung told him she was dating Yerim, the crushing feeling that followed because he assumed he had lost two of his best friends. Sehun is probably going through this turmoil right now. 

"Maybe," shrugs Sehun, taking another drink. "It's never happened before. I mean, Baekhyun and Chanyeol have messed around with each other since high school but that was never anything serious. The worst thing is... is that this whole thing between Yixing and Baekhyun could become serious. Yixing isn't the type to just mess around. He'll want more from it. I know him too well." 

"And you don't think Baekhyun will?" 

"I don't know," he responds honestly. "Hard to say. It's just... It sounds so childish." He runs a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry for bothering you with it all. I realise you have much more important things to worry about." 

"Hey," Junmyeon says sharply. "Don't say that. No time with you is wasted for me." 

"Thanks," the younger man mumbles, feeling touched. Nobody has said that kind of thing to him before. It means a lot, even if he does not know how to express it. 

It's nice to hear this kind of reassurance, especially with how hopeless he currently feels. 

"I mean it, Sehun. I know you technically work for me but... I'd like to think we are friends too." 

The younger man rolls his eyes. "You should stop threatening to fire me at any given opportunity then." 

"And lose my edge? Not a chance." 

Despite it all, Sehun finds himself laughing slightly. Now sat beside Junmyeon, his hand still lingering on his back, the realisation that he made the right decision coming here fills him with sudden warmth. He can never let Junmyeon know this though. 

"One day I'm going to write an exposé on you."

"About how my maddening personal assistant drove me to insanity? I'm sure that'll be a hit." 

"Hey, your name sells." Sehun pointedly looks at the wall mounted, framed magazine cover of Junmyeon that hangs beside his television. The older man looks sheepish, smiling guiltily. He tries to explain the sentimentality behind it, but Sehun brushes it away with a scoff. There is no malice behind his actions though. Even Junmyeon knows this. His boss is just relieved they're getting along well for once. 

On a much more serious note, Junmyeon looks at him tenderly. "You do know you can come to me about any problem, right? I'll try my best to help you."

"Yeah... I-I know," mumbles Sehun, unable to meet his eye. 

"Would you like something to eat?" Junmyeon offers, standing up. "I don't have much to offer you I'm afraid. I make a mean kimbap though." 

"Um... maybe next time," the younger man says. He casts his mind to Jongin, who offered to cook him dinner tonight considering it's his day off, and knows he wouldn't miss it for anything or anyone in the world- not even Junmyeon. 

"That's fine," the host says, trying to ignore how quickly his heart picks up when Sehun alludes to there being a next time. It was probably a slip of the tongue. Nothing to get excited about. 

Sehun drains his glass of water, carefully placing it on the coffee table to avoid chipping the glass top. The last thing he needs today is a bill for a thousand dollar table. As Junmyeon watches him, he is struck by the feeling that Sehun looks like he belongs in his apartment; blending in well with the furniture, his beautiful face complimenting the decor. 

As always, in the aftermath of these thoughts, the subsequent searing guilt lances straight through Junmyeon's stomach. 

You shouldn't think these things, he scolds himself. Sehun is a man. You shouldn't like men. 

Sehun senses the older man freezing up beside him, yet he cannot work out why. Perhaps he has majorly crossed a line, though, it was Junmyeon who offered. It's possible he's getting cold feet. Getting too close for comfort. Suddenly realising this was a terrible mistake.

"I'm sorry for coming here," he says quietly, lacing his hands together on his lap and keeping his eyes trained on them. "I don't know why I called. I guess.... because you're the only person who knows what it feels like."

"To be lonely?"

Sehun breathes in tightly through his nose. "Yeah." 

Junmyeon thinks of the small, cursive script on the bottom of his spine. Alone. 

"I get it," he says softly. 

"Maybe it's a good thing we can be alone together," mumbles the younger man. 

Junmyeon smiles. "I can't think of anyone else I'd rather be lonely with."

*** 

When Sehun arrives home, Jongin is in the middle of making dinner, looking thoroughly flustered. For someone who spends his whole life cooking, one would think he would become more relaxed in his natural environment. 

"I was worried about you!" His roommate exclaims. "I didn't think you were coming home! I called Baekhyun to see if you went for dinner with him and he said you two fought, then I assumed the worst." 

Sehun's heart twists at Jongin's worry. Not out of guilt though, for the entirely wrong reason. 

"Sorry," he mumbles, surprised at how meek he feels. "I didn't think to call."

"Where were you?" 

Crunch time. The whole journey home Sehun was wondering whether to lie about his whereabouts. He could so easily tell Jongin that he was just driving around the city, that he went for a walk in the park, that he was sat in the parking lot on his phone and lost track of time; yet, when it comes down to it, he knows he cannot lie to his best friend. Not about anything. Because he loves him far too much to ever deceive him in such a way. 

"I was at Junmyeon's." 

The pan slips out of Jongin's grip, landing on the tiles with an explosive clatter. Sehun hopes the tile has not been chipped, otherwise they will not get their deposit back. The noise rings in his ear drums long after the moment has passed. 

"As in- Kim Junmyeon?" 

"Do I know any others?" 

Jongin's mouth falls open, slack and astounded- he has never been the most subtle person. "What? Since when were you guys that friendly?" 

Sehun raises one shoulder up in a shrug. He is still attempting to come to terms with it himself. He's been replaying every interaction between him and his boss, wondering when the linear lines between 'employee' and 'friend' became so indistinguishable. 

Jongin emits a high-pitched squeal. "Sehunnie, this is huge! Do you realise how lucky you are? Do you know how many people would kill to be invited to Junmyeon's house?" 

"You included." 

Immediately, his roommate blushes to the roots of his hair like he always does when Junmyeon is mentioned. Sehun has figured out his little celebrity crush by now. He's also certain that Kyungsoo knows too, his pride just doesn't want to admit to it. 

"Shut up," he stammers. "This isn't about me. This is about you and Junmyeon. Do you like him? Does he like him?"

"What? No!" Sehun blanches. The mere thought of it turns his stomach. "Why are you so obsessed with me dating my boss?"

In lieu of response, Jongin presses his lips tightly together and turns his attention back to the stove. This is a telltale sign he is keeping something to himself, usually something he doesn't want to admit aloud in fear of offending anyone. Sehun frowns at his friend's back, wondering what he could possibly be withholding from him. 

He will probe for answers later. Instead, he takes himself into his room to change into his pyjamas and sits on his phone until Jongin calls him through. No matter how frustrated he currently is with Baekhyun, it hurts when he sees that his friend hasn't tried to reach out and make amends. Sehun knows that he crossed a line today mentioning Baekhyun's ex-boyfriend, that Baekhyun has every right to ice him out and not beg for his forgiveness, but it's still unlike him. Usually he tries everything he can to fix an argument, pulling out every dramatic stop you could think of. Once he waited outside of Sehun's bedroom window with a beatbox playing 'I Will Always Love You' by Whitney Houston, bearing a painted sign that read 'Forgive me, Sehunnie :('. 

Maybe Sehun really has taken it too far this time. 

Nobody in the world can rattle Sehun as much as his best friend can. It's like Baekhyun has a direct entry to his cranial nerve and can set every single one of his nerves on fire with the slightest provocation. Half the time they spend together Sehun is planning his murder and how he can get away with it. 

Yet, thinking about it, he doesn't really think he loves anyone else as much as he loves his oldest friend. 

The thought of Baekhyun not being in his life anymore is as terrifying as it is unimiganible. Sehun cannot fathom going through life without his friend's meaningless, pointless updates or his outlandish stories. He can't imagine not having sleepovers, can't imagine not getting into trouble with him and making memories that will last until he is too old and senile to grasp anything else. 

Tears prick his eyes as he presses the heels of his hands ferociously into his eye sockets. His emotions are all over the place today, perhaps a vigorous cry will cause everything to seep out and leave him refreshed. 

He thinks of Junmyeon in his baggy clothes, upturned smile with eyes disappearing in happiness, extending such a wonderful hand of kindness; and the tears really begin to slip out then. 

Burying his head under his pillow, he lets sobs wrack his body and all of his sadness to leak out accordingly. As much as he detests showing such weakness, the dam has just broken today and he has no choice but to let himself get carried in the current of gut-wrenching sadness and regret. 

After all, Sehun is only human, no matter how hard he tries to prove otherwise. 

Once he begins crying, he finds himself unable to stop. He cries for his ruined friendship with Baekhyun, his confusing relationship with his boss, being the only one in his friendship group without someone to love him, losing Yixing, losing Minseok, and never even having Jongin. 

He ruins everything he touches. He doesn't deserve such people in his life in the first place. They will realise this one day and all leave him. Everyone does in the end. Nobody can put up with him forever. Albeit, they have lasted longer than most, but it won't last. Look at Baekhyun. Sehun's oldest friend and he has slipped through his fingers. 

Maybe he was destined to be alone forever. Just like Junmyeon. 

Perhaps meeting his boss was some universal, karmic coincidence. 

Or a cosmic joke. It's hard to tell. 

He's still sobbing when Jongin calls him for dinner. He's tempted to pretend he hasn't heard, that he's taken an impromptu nap. However, the urge to spend time with Jongin overwhelms these options. Wiping his face with his sleeve, he goes to splash his face with cold water before heading into the kitchen. Not that the water can disguise his puffy face and red, swollen eyes. He may as well have a flashing neon sign hanging above his head announcing 'Hey, look at me I've just been crying!'

Jongin's face falls when he sees Sehun's dishevelled appearance, but knows better than to push it and ask what's wrong. Silence usually worms out whatever problems Sehun is having. Eventually he cracks under the quiet. Jongin quietly serves up their meal, trying not to show too much concern. 

Helplessly, Sehun stares at his steaming plate, eyes utterly lost, not even bothering to pick up his fork. Jongin forces a smile, offering him a beer. When he gets no response, he pours him one anyway. 

"So," he begins. "I take it you're not going to talk?"

Sehun grunts, poking his food listlessly. Crying has drained him of any appetite. He wants more than anything to pretend things are normal, though he knows it is futile, because judging by the way Jongin is concernedly staring at him he knows something is wrong.

"This is good," he remarks quietly, pointedly lifting a forkful of food into his mouth. It tastes like polystyrene and feels like it on his tongue, but he refuses to go down without a fight. 

"I'd believe it more if you didn't look like I've just served you vomit on a platter."

"You haven't?" Shoots Sehun, a lame attempt at a joke. 

The older boy rolls his eyes. "Tell that to the restaurant's Yelp reviews. I'm one of the best chefs in the city." 

"I still remember when Gordon Ramsay handed you the award himself."

"Don't forget he offered me a TV show too, but I had to turn it down because I was too busy." 

Silence lapses over them, prolonged and drawn terse. Sehun takes a few more bites out of his food, the taste slowly returning on his tongue. His little banter with Jongin made him feel only marginally better, still not enough to fix the tempest that is storming in his brain. 

Halfway through dinner is when Jongin cracks, unable to keep silent any longer. 

"What happened this afternoon with Baekhyun?"

Sehun freezes, food halfway to his mouth. He lets it drop down onto his plate with an unattractive splat. The tightness returns to his stomach with a vengeance. He wishes the ground would swallow him whole. 

"We fought," he deadpans. 

"About?" 

"Him and Yixing." 

Sehun carefully watches him, measuring his reaction. However, Jongin doesn't even flinch. Almost like he knew all along. The realisation that Sehun was indeed the last one to know shouldn't hurt him like this, yet it opens the wound he thought he'd managed to suture together with Junmyeon's help. 

"It's not like you have a crush on Yixing, right? I don't understand what the problem is." 

"You wouldn't," the younger boy says coldly. "Because you knew all along."

Jongin's eyebrows furrow. "You mean...? Oh! He didn't tell you?" 

Sehun presses his lips tightly together, offering no response. 

Jongin sighs. "That does sound like him. When we talked earlier he forgot to mention that- probably for good reason. Sehunnie, I had no idea." He widens his eyes for emphasis. "I'd never keep anything like that from you, I swear. I assumed you knew."

"It's fine." Because it is, really. Sehun fully believes Jongin would never withhold information of such a calibre from him. Not only is his roommate the most honest person he knows, but he's terrible at keeping secrets too. 

"Now I get why you're pissed. Still... I don't think it's something to break your friendship over. You've been best friends since you could toddle. Is it really worth it?"

Not really, but Sehun is renowned for his pettiness and ability to hold grudges. He will die on this hill if he has to.

Jongin ploughs on, even without a response from Sehun. "I get that it's your choice, but personally I'd just swallow my pride and say sorry. Baek didn't tell me exactly what you said, but he sounded really upset about it. He had a lump in his throat- I could tell. It sounded like he swallowed a bullfrog. It weirded me out actually. But, yeah. You've both said things you regret. It's time to just let it rest."

"What I said was completely valid," sniffs Sehun, folding his arms petulantly. "If he couldn't handle it then it's his fault."

"Sehun," Jongin says softly, then shakes his head. "It doesn't matter. Do what you want. I'm not going to force you." 

Without another word, he stands up and begins clearing the table. Sehun notices he hasn't' finished his food, which never happens. He must be equally as distressed about this, yet that's hardly surprising. Jongin is a peacekeeper; he has always acted as the mediator between any disputes in the friendship group and is always the first to say sorry in an argument even if he hasn't done anything wrong. While Sehun admires this, he is the complete opposite. He would rather swallow shards of glass than admit he was wrong. Especially with Baekhyun, who is so smug and undeserving of his grovelling. 

He can live without Baekhyun. It's fine. Even if it feels remarkably like a breakup, Sehun will get over it eventually. The sooner he begins to forget about his friend, the better. Sehun is ready to start a new life without him. 

It's not like he needs his friendship. 

***

"Hello?" 

"I'm sorry, Baek." 

There is silence on the other end of the line, a rustle of static and it sounds like heavy breathing. A sigh. 

"Me too, Sehunnie," the older boy sounds overwhelmingly emotional. "Let's not fight like that again, yeah?" 

"Yeah," he echoes quietly. "I didn't mean anything I said." 

"Neither did I. I know I should have told you about Yixing. I promise I won't keep anything from you in the future."

Sehun knows this promise will not be kept, his friend has guaranteed him this in the past only to go back on his word soon after. Right now he doesn't care. The sentiment is the main thing. 

"Thanks. Means a lot. I'll- uh- let you go now because it's late. That's all I wanted to say."

More rustling. A voice in the background that does not belong to Baekhyun. Alarmingly, it sounds just like Yixing. Although coldness floods Sehun's senses, he chooses not to comment on it. He doesn't want to ruin their tentative alliance. 

"Thanks for calling, kid. Love you." Baekhyun makes high-pitched kissy noises that sear right through him, instead of finding it annoying it's extremely relieving; their friendship will get back on track and it will be like their dispute never happened. 

"Love you too," he says quickly, putting the phone down with a grimace. He hates admitting that aloud to people, even his own family. He does not doubt that Baekhyun was doing it for any other reason than to annoy him, it was appreciated nonetheless.

Glancing at his alarm clock, Sehun sees that it is just gone ten pm. A new record for kissing and making up even by him and Baekhyun's standards. The longest argument they ever had was over where to visit for Spring Break, which ended in Sehun pulling back his duvet one night and finding a dead frog in his bed. Though Baekhyun protested innocence, Sehun knew it was him. They called a truce, alternating between Haeundae Beach one weekend and Jeju-do the next. 

As he waits to sleep, Sehun supposes that the one good thing that came out of their conflict was that he got to spend time with Junmyeon, getting a better understanding of his boss outside of a work environment. 

Rolling over, he swipes his phone off the nightstand. 

Sehun: made up with baekhyun

Junmyeon: Aw that means I'm not your best friend anymore :( 

Sehun: it was only a temporary position 

Junmyeon: Boo I want to apply full time 

Sehun: you're my boss. don't make this weird.

Junmyeon: Fine. I'll take what I can get

He doesn't realise he's falling asleep with a small smile.

Notes:

thank you all so much for the lovely comments on the last chapter, im so glad people are enjoying reading this story as much as i enjoy writing it!

i hope you like this chapter. stay safe everyone <3

Chapter 15: Chapter Fifteen

My Brother's Best Friend begins filming at eight am the next Monday morning. Junmyeon has been awake since 4:30am, squeezing an hour in at the gym, whereas Sehun dragged his lazy bones out of bed twenty minutes before he had to be at the office. He stumbles onto the tenth floor with sleep still gluing his eyes together, looking unusually disheveled compared to his normal pin-neat appearance.

"Am I keeping you up, Sehun?" His boss teases. With a cursory glance, Sehun can confirm that Junmyeon looks perfect, even at such an early hour. When does he ever not?

"J-just a little bit, sir," he stammers over a yawn, so ferocious that his jaw clicks with the intensity of it. In the aftermath he blinks slightly, shocked himself. Junmyeon finds this hilarious. Sehun is starting to believe he is just the older man's personal jester.

Sehun gets a coffee from the percolator in Jongdae's office (only because he is not in yet, normally he would never dare enter his domain) and they are ready to leave. Taeil has been waiting in the parking lot for God knows how long, as patient and impassive as ever.

Then again, if Sehun was getting paid that much money for being a chauffeur, he wouldn't have a lot to complain about.

"How are you this morning?" The younger man asks, in between checking his emails and social media accounts.

"Good." Junmyeon remains staring out of the window. "I always look forward to shooting new things."

"Don't forget who helped you with your lines," Sehun reminds him. "When you're giving your award speech, I expect a mention."

The older man smiles, obliging to play along. "Of course. I'll say; 'I owe all of my success to my hard-working personal assistant, who gets his job done with a smile on his face and without a word of complaint. I don't know where I'd be without him and his sarcastic, unhelpful remarks."

Sehun leans over to swat him, but his boss just ducks out of the way with a jovial laugh. Despite the painfully early hour, Sehun finds himself smiling too.

Truthfully he is just as excited as his boss (perhaps even more so) about this new venture. He's never been on a television set before, though it's always been on his bucket list. Long ago dreams and ambitions of being famous plague him. Even if it isn't him starring in the show, he supposes this is the next best thing. Besides, he will be by Junmyeon's side all the way through it all, right in the thick of all the action. And the celebrities! Although he tries to remain nihilistic, he feels giddy at the prospect of being in the company of the A-list, star-studded cast. Though the shine has worn off of meeting Jisoo (or Junmyeon, not that the shine was ever there) one of Sehun's favourite movie actors, Jung Jaehyun, is also a part of the cast. Though the news outlets have yet to release this information. It's been torture keeping it to himself, knowing how much Chanyeol admires him too.

Really, Sehun supposes there are a lot worse jobs to have. And discreetly looking over at Junmyeon, he reckons there are worse employers too.

The location of the set is in the countryside about forty minutes away from the city, in a picturesque setting where the manor house and small village resides, surrounded by beautiful rolling green hills and flourishing trees pregnant with blossom. The female lead is meant to live here, Junmyeon's character living in an equally luxurious house in this wealthy, out-of-the way hamlet. Sehun has been well informed about the plot of the drama, working with Junmyeon has given him little choice- ever since he got the role it is all he has talked about.

Junmyeon, who has been chattering aimlessly for the whole journey, suddenly quietens down when Taeil informs them they're about ten minutes away. He rests his head against the glass, looking pensive. Sehun wishes he could glimpse through a window to look into his boss' mind, to know what he was truly thinking. Junmyeon keeps his cards so close to his chest while simultaneously wearing his heart on his sleeve. He's such a difficult character to fathom. Just when Sehun thinks he has him worked out, he does something to prove every conception false.

Sometimes he doesn't make it easy, and Sehun is still unwilling to trust him entirely, but they will be fine in the future.

"I'm excited for you," the younger man remarks, desperately attempting to ease the tension. It worries him when Junmyeon retreats back into his shell. Their dynamic is supposed to be the other way round.

Junmyeon smiles weakly. "You'll soon find out it's very boring once the initial excitement has worn off."

"There's never a dull moment with you, sir," Sehun flutters his eyelashes, laying it on thick. Despite making him cringe, it has the desired effect. Junmyeon cannot help but throw his head back and release a loud peal of laughter. He shakes his head in disbelief.

"That was unbelievable, even for you."

"I'm working on some new material. I'm glad you're enjoying it thus far."

"You're the least funny person I know," his boss tells him, yet there is a silly smile that cannot be wiped from his face. Sehun thinks things can't be that bad if it gas cheered him up this much.

"We both know you're lying. I'm the brains of this partnership, and the comic relief, and the muscle, and the good-looking one-"

Junmyeon rolls his eyes. "If your head swells up any more then I am going to have to lube you out of this car."

Sehun presses a hand to his chest, looking scandalised. "At least take me to dinner first, sir."

The snort that the older man emits is incredibly unattractive, yet utterly endearing at the same time. "You're extremely annoying, Oh Sehun."

He doesn't mind this moniker if it means Junmyeon has cheered up a little. And it seems to have worked. By the time Taeil drops them off on set, the older man has regained some of his aplomb and is smiling in a cool and relaxed manner- utterly professional.

Sehun cannot help but feel a little bit of pride that he was the one who managed to lift his mood. 

Jongdae is the first one who greets them, throwing his arms up exaggeratedly and pulling them both into a bear hug. For so early in the morning, he is amazingly chipper and looks immaculate too. Even more so than Junmyeon, and if Sehun knows his boss in the slightest, he will be bristling over this realisation.

"Isn't this exciting?" He grins. "We've been waiting for you all morning, Jun. We thought maybe you'd had second thoughts."

Junmyeon scoffs. "As if. Sehun would never let me do something that foolish. Right, Sehun?"

Surprised at being addressed, as his brain had gone on autopilot the second Jongdae began talking, the younger man gives his head a slight shake and tries to formulate an adequate response.

"Sure. No way. Unless I was getting paid."

Jongdae chuckles. "He's a riot. Anyway, come on. The cast are all dying to meet you. Best not to keep them waiting."

With a firm, direct hand clapped on Junmyeon's shoulder, he begins steering him through the set, leaving Sehun behind in the dust. He has to trot behind them in an undignified manner as to not be left behind, because there is no way he'd ever find them again in this labyrinth of lights, wires, trailers and staff.

Were it not for the radiant glow that surrounds Junmyeon at all times, Sehun would easily have lost sight of him. Eventually, he catches up to them outside one of the bigger, flashier trailers that looks like it's been detached from a spaceship. There is a small huddle of people crowded together for warmth, Sehun thinks he can vaguely recognise the back of Kim Jisoo's head.

Junmyeon holds his hand out for Sehun to take, preparing to drag him. This motion seems a little bit too intimate for Sehun's liking- but he's really trying at the moment- so he compromises by grabbing Junmyeon's forcep and allows himself to be led like this instead. He ignores the warmth that radiates through Junmyeon's puffy coat, it's almost like he can feel bare skin burning him through three layers of clothing. He tries to shove this thought to the darkest corner of his mind where he prays it will never emerge again.

"Kim Junmyeon!" Jisoo yells over the heads of the staff, disentangling herself from the group and hurrying over to greet him. She propels herself into his arms, and he spins her around so her feet lift off the ground.

Sehun tries to force a smile onto his face, but he is filled with hot, sour bitterness.

They'll probably end up dating, his internal monologue starts. Rekindling their romance from university.

Much to his surprise, Jisoo hugs him too. Because he isn't expecting this, he emits an ungraceful squawk as his arms hang limply by his sides. By the time his brain has connected to his nervous system, Jisoo has let go of him and is stepping away, grinning.

"Good to see you both again," she says. "How have you been?"

"Working hard, you know how it is." Junmyeon rolls his shoulders back, in faux casualness. "Did I miss anything?"

Jisoo shakes her head. "Not really. Your manager has just been telling us about the time you went to the Galaxy Bar and ordered twenty jello shots-"

"Stop!" Junmyeon claps his hands over his ears. "Jongdae said he would keep that in confidence!"

Jisoo smirks. "Now all your coworkers know you pissed your pants and knocked yourself out on the urinal. C'mon, they're going to have a fit if they don't talk to you soon."

When Jisoo strides away, Sehun turns to Junmyeon with a confused expression on his face. He's unable to process the golden snippet of information he has just heard.

"On a urinal?" He asks incredulously.

Junmyeon flushes bright peony. Even the tips of his ears go scarlet. "I was only twenty-two. Let's never talk about it again."

Sehun smirks, making a mental reminder to keep it in his mind for the rest of eternity and bring it up in the most inconvenient moments.

Following Junmyeon loyally, they meet the group of people Jisoo was stood with. Immediately, Sehun recognises Jung Jaehyun (internally he lets out a girl-like shriek when he realises his face is even more handsome in person), Jongdae, another girl with long black hair who is glued to Jisoo's side, a handful of managers dressed in peacoats talking amongst themselves and two women who are dressed like they work in the makeup department. Masks cover the majority of their faces so it is hard to gauge any of their features.

"You know who everyone is," Jisoo says, still talking on behalf of Junmyeon. Yet she introduces them anyway, as if Junmyeon is not the most famous and qualified out of all of them.

Despite the difference in age and prestige, Junmyeon bows lowly and greets them all in a humble manner with a warm smile. Sehun only bows slightly, mumbling noncommittal greetings hoping nobody questions his presence.

"This is my assistant, Oh Sehun," announces Junmyeon, motioning to the younger man. Pride is evident in his tone, looking up at Sehun in adoration. "Because we work closely together, that means he will be working with you all too."

Sehun, who is already uncomfortable in the presence of such stars, is left even more bashful after this remark. Why would Junmyeon deliberately set him up like this? He feels like shaking the older man's shoulders so vigorously his head falls off his neck. Because now they are all looking at him in interest, not even trying to hide their penetrative gazes, he can practically see the cogs going in their mind as they try to size him up.

"Haven't I seen you somewhere?" A manager asks. "In another drama?"

"No, no," says another. "He's definitely been on Elle before."

Sehun shakes his head. "Uh, no. I'm not famous. I might have served you in H&M though."

There's a ripple of laughter. Sehun's nerves die down slightly, relaxing into his coat.

Until.

"I know!" The third manager clicks his fingers, face lighting up. "You were the bodyguard from The People's Awards! You were all over social media!"

Sehun glares sideways daggers at Junmyeon, who grimaces, obviously having forgotten that little detail. Ashamedly, Sehun realises that, being caught up in the glitz and glamour of Junmyeon's life in the aftermath of the award show, it had slipped his mind too. Remembering that his face was plastered all over Twitter and Instagram with the allegations of being Junmyeon's secret lover attached to it makes him want to puke.

He tries not to catch Jaehyun's gaze, who is letting his eyes curiously rake over the assistant; as if he is an exotic animal in an exhibition. Obviously Sehun doesn't say anything- because it's fucking Jung Jaehyun- but if anyone else did, he'd rudely tell them he'd rip their eyes out and shove them somewhere unspeakable.

"Yes, well, we all know what kind of crazy rumours the press comes up with," Junmyeon laughs nervously, unable to meet the younger man's gaze.

"Tell me about it," Jisoo rolls her eyes. "The other week Dispatch claimed I was dating Mingyu. Of all people! Can you believe it!"

The girl with long black hair scoffs slightly. This is the first time Sehun has noticed her ever since they joined the group. She's taller than Jisoo, with a willowy, coltish figure and big, earnest eyes that shine particularly prominently when she looks at the actress. Jisoo remains oblivious to all of this, leading Sehun to believe the girl is simply an infatuated personal assistant.

Poor girl. Being in love with your boss must be a horrible predicament. Fortunately Sehun will never know what that feels like.

"Jaehyun!" One of the managers barks. "Phone call for you."

"Excuse me," he ducks politely out of the circle, the managers and makeup women following him inside the trailer. This just leaves Sehun, Junmyeon, Jisoo and her personal assistant.

"What a cute kid," coos Jisoo.

"He's a month younger than you," Junmyeon points out diplomatically.

"Not everyone is a fossil like you."

"You're a year younger than me!" He squawks, looking mortally offended. As he always does when somebody mentions his age. Sehun snickers behind his palm.

"Don't listen to her, Junmyeon," Jisoo's assistant says. "She's just mad she's had to start taking vitamins because her bones hurt on a morning."

Jisoo's jaw drops open in mortification. Junmyeon rocks backwards with laughter, clutching onto Sehun's arm for purchase. Sehun feels wrong laughing on behalf of the woman he doesn't know, finding it hilarious nonetheless. He lets out a few titters, drowned out by Junmyeno and Jisoo's assistant's raucous laughter.

"You're lucky I love you," scowls Jisoo. This does an adequate job of stopping Sehun in his tracks, frozen still as he tries to garner whether he just heard her correctly.

Junmyeon's laughter stops abruptly too, face scrunched in confusion. "Pardon?" He looks uncertain, like he assumed the girl was a member of Jisoo's staff. Unless she has a close relationship with them. Something tells both men it isn't this at all.

"This is my girlfriend; Lisa," Jisoo introduces them to the woman, turning to face her. "I knew I shouldn't have brought you on my first day."

Lisa smirks deviously. "You'd be lost without me, honeybunch."

"Ew!" Jisoo exclaims, laughing loudly at her sheer nerve. Junmyeon and Sehun exchange awkward glances, suddenly feeling privy to a moment they should not be witnessing. As a unit, they make a third wheel.

Suddenly, Junmyeon is extremely aware of Sehun's body next to his own.

"Nice to meet you, Lisa," he manages to mumble.

"You too!" She says brightly. "I'm, like, such a huge fan! Jisoo said not to say anything because I look like a creep but I've seen all of your dramas twice, and I've seen your movies too! I used to have a poster of you on my bedroom wall. You know, the one where you're under the waterfall?" She emits a surprise puff of air when her girlfriend nudges her in the ribs.

"Sorry," she mumbles, looking at the ground.

"It's okay." There's an easy smile on Junmyeon's face. This is territory he can navigate. "It's always nice to meet fans. Even if they're my friend's girlfriends."

"She's a bigger fan of you than she is of me," Jisoo tells him sourly. "There's even a framed photo of you in our bedroom."

"How terrifying," remarks Sehun breezily, causing Jisoo to smirk.

They talk amongst themselves for a few more minutes- though it's mostly Junmyeon and Jisoo discussing work and other actors who have been in touch with them about the drama- until their managers are calling them into makeup, alerting them they have an hour until the first rehearsal. Junmyeon immediately looks flustered, asking Sehun if he will be okay if he has to leave, to which his assistant waves him off. Jisoo simply kisses Lisa on the cheek before hurrying away, shifting into her strict business persona.

This leaves Sehun and Lisa left together awkwardly, looking around for some kind of respite. Sehun coughs awkwardly. Lisa grimaces, looking strained.

"So," he begins, dragging out the 'o'. "You came here to support Jisoo?" A weak conversation starter but the only one he can formulate right now.

Lisa nods enthusiastically, leaping upon the opportunity to ease the tension.

"Yep. I don't usually get the opportunity to come on set with her, but I'm on a break from work right now."

Sehun cocks his head in interest. "Oh? What do you do?"

"I'm a mentor for idols in China on a survival show."

Sehun's face falls.

I need to start going to church and ask God to stop kicking my ass, he thinks miserably.

"So you're a dancer?" He asks, utterly deflated.

She nods, chest puffing out slightly in pride. "Ever since I was old enough to walk I've been dancing. I couldn't see myself doing anything else. I'm so lucky I got to pursue a career in it, I know how difficult it can be."

Haven't I heard that one before?

"That's more than most people can say," Sehun nods in agreement, swallowing the bitter lump of envy that's lodged in his throat. He had so hoped she was an accountant or something.

Lisa nods enthusiastically. "Totally. It's not ideal with our relationship but we've made it work for three years, and it won't always be this hectic."

"How... lovely," he says lamely, unsure of how else to describe it. He feels two feet tall; puny and insignificant. Every failure in his life flashes before his eyes like a premonition.

Lisa glances down at her expensive watch. "They'll probably be a while in makeup. Wanto get some coffee?"

"Sure."

Sticking his hands deep into his coat pockets, he sets off in tow of Lisa in search of coffee. Although the one he had in the car on the way here is still warm in his veins he doesn't want to deny her request, it will only make him look rude. Sehun knows there will be repercussions from Junmyeon if he offends either Jisoo or her girlfriend. Plus, Lisa doesn't seem too bad. She's amicable enough, chattering happily once she finds her confidence. Sehun doesn't even need to respond, she's happy just talking.

Eventually, after weaving their way through the chaos of the set, they locate the food truck and order coffees. Sehun gets one for Junmyeon too, more out of courtesy than anything. Lisa watches him from her peripheral vision, watching him tenderly writing Junmyeon's name on the cardboard sleeve, managing to keep her mouth closed. It's difficult to tell whether anything is going on between them. She will have to pester Jisoo for information later.  

"I know this is weird," begins Sehun as they walk back. "But do you know a mentor called Zhang Yixing?"

Lisa's face lights up. "Are you kidding? I work with him!"

The coffee cups almost slip out of his grasp. He has to momentarily close his hands, letting this information sink in. Now he wishes he'd never even asked.

"Why do you ask? I didn't think you watched the show?"

"I used to go to the same university as him," he offers no more information, too embarrassed. Lisa would only think of him as a failure, knowing he never took his dancing degree anywhere. He is stuck being Junmyeon's personal assistant while she is a wildly successful and household name in China- he knows this because she openly admitted it to him.

"No way!" She gasps, clapping a hand to her mouth. "That's crazy! What a small world, huh?"

"Yeah," he echoes. "It really is."

***

After an hour of wandering around aimlessly, the two of them head back to the makeup trailer where things are finally getting into motion. Junmyeon and Jaehyun are ready, sitting at opposite ends of the couch on their phones while Jisoo is still in the makeup chair.

Because they have only hired the set for a month, there will be a week of dress rehearsals before filming begins. The director has warned them numerous times they don't have time to mess around, they cannot risk missing deadlines and overlapping schedules. Junmyeon is a professional, so he smoothly assures the man this will not be a problem. It certainly won't be on his behalf. Sehun hopes for Junmyeon's sake that his coworkers are equally as dedicated.

"So, what do you think?" Asks Junmyeon, looking up at Sehun. "Impressive, isn't it?"

Sehun nods. "Yeah. A lot bigger than I expected too. We almost got lost three times. Lisa tried to use Google Maps but it wasn't much help."

Jisoo snorts from the canvas chair, lovingly calling her girlfriend a dumbass under her breath.

"I brought you this," he hands his boss the full cup of coffee, having disposed of his own before he came inside. It was nearly empty anyway. "Thought you could use the boost."

"Thanks," grins Junmyeon. He should not be so touched since it's part of Sehun's job description to fetch him coffee, but he does. He never fails to be grateful for it. "I was getting a bit twitchy."

"You're an addict," deadpans Sehun, yet the corner of his lip quirks up slightly.

It takes ten more minutes for Jisoo to get ready, and she looks utterly stunning. If Sehun was not gay, he would definitely be attracted to her, even though she could (and would take greay joy in it) eat him for breakfast. Watching his boss through his peripheral vision, Sehun wonders if he was disappointed to discover she was spoken for. It would definitely explain his stunned reaction; his loss for words.

"We should head out," Junmyeon announces. He motions for Sehun to follow him, lightly touching his elbow. "I'll meet you out there." He waves goodbye to his fellow actors and steps outside of the trailer, letting out a sigh of relief once he gets into the open air.

"That's been intense," he murmurs.

"Really? It seemed like you took it in your stride."

Junmyeon shoots him a funny look. "Of course I took it in my stride, I'm a professional. That doesn't mean it wasn't overwhelming. I don't like meeting new people, I prefer just working. Socialising isn't my thing."

This statement stops Sehun in his tracks. An intern carrying a heavy, halogen light bumps into him and loses his footing. He curses at him, glaring daggers before getting back on his way.

"That's the biggest load of bullshit I've heard!" Exclaims Sehun. "You're the biggest socialite I know! You're always kissing people's asses!"

Junmyeon is affronted. "Are you kidding? When do I ever go out and meet friends? Other than Sooyoung."

Sehun opens his mouth to protest, before snapping it shut. His mind draws a blank. Now that he thinks about it, Junmyeon doesn't make a habit of meeting friends. Or, if he does, they remain nameless. Sehun doesn't ask because he doesn't care, but it's so infrequent that it's hard to remember the last time his boss did meet friends.

Junmyeon is always surrounded by people, yet remains just as lonely as Sehun. Isn't this the most significant thing Sehun has learned about him?

"But you're so charismatic and smarmy," Sehun tries to protest, though the flame of indignance is slowly being dampened. The fight is leaving his body with every passing moment.

"I'm an actor," emphasises Junmyeon with an eye roll. "It's all for show. I thought you of all people would have realised that by now."

The older man begins walking forward, leaving Sehun lagging behind. Jogging to catch up with him, Sehun manages to match his stride.

"So you're saying that you act when you're around me?" His assistant asks sharply, sounding so venomous that Junmyeon recoils slightly.

"What?" He blinks in confusion. "Sehun where did you get that assumption from?"

"You just said it! You said that I should understand of all people when you're acting nice to people."

It takes a few seconds for Junmyeon to catch onto what he's saying, the ridiculousness of it all catches him off guard.

"Because you know me better than anyone!" The older man exclaims. "I thought you realised when I was doing things for show. You're the person I spend the most time with so I assumed you could recognise it by now. You're one of the only people in the world I can show my true self to."

A strange, hot sensation coils in Sehun's stomach. It's not an altogether pleasant feeling.

"I am?" Is all he can ask pathetically.

"Yes! We spend practically every hour of the day together. I think- or at least I like to think- that we're friends. Friends trust each other, yes?"

Sehun's hesitance sets off alarm bells in Junmyeon's head, but the reply he finally gets satisfies him.

"Yeah." That's all he can choke out. His boss has just turned his world completely on an axis and he doesn't know how to feel. He knows how he should feel, he shouldn't believe Junmyeon for a second because he's a manipulative sycophant who has an ulterior motive which is the only reason he's being so devastatingly kind towards him. Yet, when he looks into the older man's eyes, they bleed utter sincerity. Junmyeon is a skilled performer, but you cannot fake that kind of sentiment.

An apology is on the tip of Sehun's tongue, yet he can't quite force it out. Instead, he vows he will be nice to Junmyeon to show his regret. It usually works.

"Are you two still arguing like children?" An authoritative voice from behind demands them.

Whirling around, Sehun spots Bae Joohyun striding towards them, looking every part the beautiful but villain of a drama. Sehun is amazed she's never been scouted by an acting agency purely based on her looks alone.

Sehun groans. "Not you again."

Joohyun smiles witheringly at him. "Best believe it, Oh."

"Why is she here?"

"She's my acting coach, of course she's here." Junmyeon bows at her. "Good to see you again."

"I only saw you a week ago, no need to be a sap." But she's smiling. "How are things going? You haven't got very far."

"We're just going into rehearsal now."

"Good. I'll see you there. I have to find Jongdae."

Junmyeon salutes and she begins walking away, terrifying another intern who unfortunately falls into her path. Sehun just sighs. He'd hoped they'd managed to get rid of her once promotions for the musical ended. Will he ever know peace?

"We're going for dinner tonight as a celebration of the first day," announces Junmyeon. "If you'd like to come. Obviously you don't have to, but I thought I'd offer."

"Define 'we'."

"Jisoo, Jaehyun, Jongdae, Lisa, the rest of the managers and me. It wouldn't feel right without you, plus you're kind of my emotional support assistant so..."

Sehun arches an eyebrow, surveying his boss to detect any traces of irony. He is deadly serious.

"Okay," he nods. "I'll come."

What harm will it do?

***

The end of the working day is at nine pm, after nearly eleven hours of solidly rehearsing with only two twenty minute breaks in between. Their dinner reservations are for 9:45pm so there is little time to waste.

Sehun considers asking Taeil to drop him off home. He isn't hungry because he and Lisa found the catering truck and went to town on it a few hours ago, not wanting to wait for their dinner. But when he hears Junmyeon begin babbling something about being excited that Sehun gets to be so involved with the rest of the cast, well, his heart makes a decision before his mind does. Rejecting his boss' offer would crush him, with how well they have been getting along lately it's not worth the conflict.

"Uh... what are you doing?" Sehun demands when he sees Junmyeon taking off his hoodie in his peripheral vision. He's grateful for the dark otherwise his red cheeks would have been dazzlingly radiant.

"Getting changed," the older man says in a tone that suggests it's the most normal thing in the world to be stripping off in the back of a car. "I didn't have time because we had to leave."

"Could you not wait until we get to the restaurant?" Chokes Sehun.

"Don't be silly," he scoffs. "You're not turning shy on me are you, Sehun?"

Sehun makes a pained face in lieu of response. In this situation, he is absolutely turning shy. It reminds him of the day when they were at the tailors, watching Junmyeon slip into the numerous suits. Now, after everything they have been through in the interim, it feels painfully more intimate.

Carelessly Junmyeon tosses his hoodie to the side, landing on Sehun's head. He gasps exaggeratedly, batting the grey material away and kicking his legs out in surprise. The scent of Junmyeon's warm body intermingled with his expensive cologne is all that occupies his senses, making him feel slightly dizzy.

"What did you do that for?" He hisses.

Junmyeon looks like he's holding back laughter. A poor attempt. "I didn't realise. Sorry."

Sehun clenches the soft grey material in his hands, running his fingers absently over the fur-lined interior. The quality is evident, no wonder it was so expensive. He peeks at the label and sees it is a Gucci original. Of course.

Things get much more risqué when Junmyeon begins unbuttoning his slacks and tugging them down his thighs. Sehun's eyes go so wide they're in danger of falling right out of his eye sockets. He struggles to keep his gaze forward, staring intently into the back of Taeil's headrest. He's surprised he doesn't burn a hole in the leather- or the driver's head.

A flash of muscular thigh is caught in the corner of his eyes. Sehun's throat closes up to the size of a pinhead. Suddenly it becomes infinitely more difficult to gulp air down, not that there is a lot in the close confines of the car. His blood is so hot in his veins he can feel it bubbling beneath the surface of his skin. His grip on Junmyeon's hoodie is so tight that it's a miracle he doesn't tear it apart at the seams.

Sehun winces when he hears the sound of Junmyeon's trousers hitting the floor. Rustling denim sets his teeth on edge. When Junmyeon grunts with effort, it's nearly game over. He's mere seconds away from overriding the internal locks and throwing himself down the hillside.

Spurred on by daring, Sehun risks the quickest of glances in Junmyeon's direction. A gasp gets tangled in his throat when he spots tight Calvin Klein boxers, a trail of hair disappearing into his shirt and veins.

For someone as soft and guileless as Junmyeon, it should be criminal to have such a gorgeously fit body. Sehun feels his mouth filling with saliva, shifting in his seat to prevent the tightness in his trousers becoming evident. 

Resting his head against the headrest, Sehun swallows hard. His Adam's apple bobs in his throat, something Junmyeon manages to catch.

"You okay?"

"Huh? Yeah, I'm fine." He pulls the collar of his coat away from his neck. "Just... a bit stuffy in here."

Junmyeon remains innocent. "Would you like me to open a window?"

"No I-I'll be okay." The younger man licks his dry lips. Risking a look, he sees Junmyeon has finished getting changed. He feels his bones turning to jelly, relaxing considerably against the upholstery. How he managed to survive that was a miracle.

"You can keep that if you want."

"What?"

Junmyeon nods to the grey material still in Sehun's white-knuckle grip. "The hoodie. It would suit you."

"I can afford my own stuff," the younger man sniffs, unable to help his barbed tongue. Had his mind been clearer he may have been able to be nicer about the offer.

"I know," Junmyeon's eyebrows knit together in hurt. "I just- I thought... Forget it. Sorry I said anything." 

He reaches out to take it, but Sehun holds it out of his reach, holding it close to his chest. The older man looks even more confused, eyes widening in an adorable manner.

"That doesn't mean I don't want it," explains Sehun. "Thanks, boss, that's really kind of you. It's lovely."

Junmyeon swells with pride. "My pleasure. Look after it for me."

Sehun holds his hand over his heart. "I promise. Scout's Honour. I'll add it to the Kim Junmyeon shrine I'm starting in my bedroom."

Junmyeon flushes, shrinking slightly into his seat. "Don't joke about that," he grumbles. His poor heart can't take it.

"I'm not. Or I might sell it on eBay. How much do you think it's resale value will be?"

"More than you could afford, brat."

"Aw, I'm just kidding, sir. I'd never sell it. What is more important than sentimental value?"

The older man huffs. "I'm never being nice to you again."

***

The others are already at the restaurant by the time Sehun and Junmyeon arrive. They are shepherded through the back entrance obviously. Though there are no paparazzi visibly lurking outside it's still a risk they're unwilling to take. When they arrive at their table on the quiet second floor, they are met with jeers calling them fashionably late and rude for keeping them waiting. Sehun rolls his eyes, brushing their criticism off with ease. Junmyeon begins babbling an excuse; before narrowing his eyes when they crack up laughing, realising they were joking the whole time.

"Did you get changed?" Joohyun asks, visibly confused. Jongndae invited her, or so he announces, much to Sehun's displeasure.

Junmyeon looks down at his outfit. "Yeah. I'm not going to come in my sweatpants am I?"

"Did you go to the bathroom?"

"No, just in the car."

"In front of Sehun?" Jongdae clarifies.

"Yeah. So...?"

Joohyun and Jongdae say nothing, but subtly exchange confused looks.

Junmyeon pulls up his seat in the middle of the table. Sehun notices that the only available seat is right on the edge of the bench, with Jaehyun on the left. He really does not want to sit there, feeling childish shyness overcoming him. He's almost certain he's blushing. Because there's no other places left- and he's not about to make a scene about something so trivial- he perches himself down. He feels miles away from Junmyeon, a gaping cavern keeping them apart.

"Hi," Jaehyun greets him quietly. "We didn't get much opportunity to talk earlier. I'm Jaehyun."

The Jung Jaehyun introduces himself, holding his hand out for Sehun to shake. It takes a few moments for Sehun's brain to catch on.

"You don't have to introduce yourself to me, I'm a big fan!" Sehun shakes it enthusiastically. This feels like a fever dream. Is he really sitting beside Jung Jaehyun, shaking his elegant- and extremely soft- hand?

"Really? That's always good to hear," he smiles, all dimples.

"Oh, yeah. I absolutely loved you in Prince On The Hill. It's definitely one of my favourite movies, I've seen it like twenty times." He snaps his mouth shut harshly. "I'm being weird and rambling. Sorry. I'll shut up now."

"No, don't." Jaehyun's eyes glitter with something Sehun cannot decipher. "You can talk all you want, I really don't mind."

Sehun narrows his eyes. "Is this an ego thing? Are you on a power trip right now? Are you getting off on this?"

Jaehyun emits a loud laugh, causing the others to glance over at them. They look away as quickly as their attention had been drawn.

"It's definitely not. I just enjoy talking to people about it; I'm always looking for pointers and ways I can improve."

"I hardly think I'm the most qualified for that. You'd be better off asking Junmyeon."

Jaehyun leads forward slightly. "I'd prefer to ask you."

Sehun is frozen, left blinking in surprise. If he didn't know any better he would think Jaehyun was perhaps flirting with him.

But because this suggestion is totally unfeasible, he pushes it to the back of his mind and vows not to dwell on it.

Nobody else at the table seems to notice him floundering in the corner, all too preoccupied with their own conversation; discussing orders or gossiping about the happenings on set, mainly about the staff members and director, who they have all taken an immediate disliking too. Jisoo expresses she knew he was a hardass, having heard it from others in the industry, yet she had no idea he would be such a nightmare in real life. Sehun, who could not distinguish this man from the sound effects people, keeps his opinions to himself. Not that anyone is paying attention to him. He could probably stand up on the table and start a strip tease and they would not pay the slightest notice.

Every so often he will cast longing glances over at Junmyeon, who remains animatedly to Jongdae while gesticulating his hands wildly. Sehun wonders what story he could possibly be relaying, not remembering anything that exciting happening to them over the past couple of weeks. Though it's probably a tale he was not involved in, sometimes Sehun forgets Junmyeon has a life outside of his job.

After the waitress takes their orders (and almost collapses once she realises who is sat at the table) Sehun sits back in silence, letting the inane chatter wash over him. He really, really wishes he was at home with Jongin right now. They could be watching one of Sehun's game shows (that Jongin claims to hate but records every night regardless) or Sehun could be scorning Jongin watching one of his favourite rom-coms (which he pays rapt attention to.) Really, he wishes he was anywhere but here.

"So," Jaehyun picks up his wine glass. "How do you find working for Junmyeon?"

"It's fine," he says noncommittally. "At least it's never boring."

"What about Junmyeon himself?"

"He's okay too."

Jaehyun arches a singular eyebrow. "Just okay?"

"We're not that close."

The younger man is about to open his mouth, arguing that they seemed very close on set- inseparable almost- and Junmyeon almost did not stop talking about him for the whole shoot, professing an array of sickly sweet things about him. If Jaehyun didn't know Junmyeon was straight, he would assume something was going on between the two of them.

"That's a shame," he says instead. "He's a really good guy. He's been one of my inspirations for the longest time. It feels like a dream come true to finally be working with him. I can barely even speak to him without getting tongue tied."

"You need better standards then," is all Sehun says.

Jaehyun chuckles instinctually. "Have you ever thought you need to not be so cruel?"

Sehun pulls a contemplative face, before shaking his head resolutely. "I feel like I'm within my every right. If he was ordering you around fourteen hours a day I'm sure you too would have some choice words to say about him."

"Touché," he tilts his wine glass in agreement.

They make light conversation until their food arrives, which serves at the perfect distraction. Sehun is still not hungry, so pokes his meal listlessly around his plate and winces every time someone chews too loudly or cutlery scraped across a plate. He wonders what Jongin is doing at this moment. It's late so he will probably have retired to bed already. Sehun only wishes he could do the same.

He realises now that, despite his loyalty for Junmyeon, this lifestyle does not suit him. Sehun is happy with the simple things in life; all this glitz and glamour- it's not for him.

Whoever does love this kind of life is a maniac.

"So, Jun, I didn't get a chance to ask you earlier, but do you have a girlfriend?" Inquires Jisoo. "Someone special?"

Immediately this causes Sehun's head to snap up. Cold dread floods through his stomach, filling his insides with ice. Tersely he awaits his boss' response. The thought of him having a partner- or someone he was at seeing- never occurred to him. While he just assumed Junmyeon would divulge this information, his boss doesn't owe him anything. While Sehun highly doubts he's going to admit to something so personal in front of all these people he steels himself nonetheless. His hands are curled so tightly into fists that the tendons in his wrists strain under the skin.

Junmyeon looks incredibly sheepish. "Ah, not yet. I don't have time at this moment."

Though he is scowling, Sehun is immensely relieved.

"I still had time," says Jisoo, albeit a little smug.

"He's just saying that because he can't find a girlfriend," teases Jongdae, nudging his client on the shoulder. Junmyeon laughs weakly, yet looks extremely pained.

"He's saving himself until marriage," jokes Jisoo, causing laughter.

Joohyun lowers her eyes, not trusting herself not to intervene. For Junmyeon's sake, she will remain silent, even though she is internally screaming at them to shut up with their childish jokes. His discomfort is rolling off of him in palpable waves, how can they not see it?

More the point, how have they not realised by now?

Junmyeon holds his hands up in defence. "I'm just waiting for the right woman. I'm sure I'll meet her soon."

Sehun's eyes drop down to the table, feeling like he has been punched straight in the stomach.

He has always known Junmyeon was straight, his boss has never made him believe any different, so he's in no way surprised. It's hard to distinguish what he is feeling through the myriad of emotions burning inside him. Disappointment, mostly. Had there always been a slither of hope that his boss was not straight, that there was a small- nigh on impossible- possibility that he could one day realise that the 'right one' had been under his nose the whole time?

Most of all it, feels like a betrayal.

Chapter 16: Chapter Sixteen

It's a vanity thing, Sehun tells himself.

Sehun is used to people falling in love with him (coincidentally always the wrong ones) so, instead of being hurt that Junmyeon doesn't have feelings for him, he is more offended on the behalf of his ego. It's taken quite a knock with this revelation, and this is why, he supposes, that it stings so much.

It's not because of Junmyeon on a personal level. It's because, deep down, Sehun feels like Junmyeon kind of owes him this. After all the time they spend together, after everything Sehun does for him; he is well within his right to be in love with his assistant. But he is not. And Sehun's just bruised about this.

There's nothing more to it. Once he figures this out, he begins sleeping a lot better.

***

The first week of rehearsals go smoothly with no major incident. The director, usually scathing about everything and always happy to remind everyone what a horrible job they are doing, concedes they're making good time and even commends the cast on how well they're shaping up to be. As soon as his back is turned, they collectively flip him the middle finger and even a few nearby staff do- Sehun included.

In this brief period of calm, Sehun finds it in himself to forgive Junmyeon- not that he has done anything particularly unforgivable, but he gets himself out of the mope that he was stewing in. For once in his life, Sehun realises he is overreacting and manages to pull himself back before any serious damage is done. In the end, he realises it's none of his business and he does not care who Junmyeon loves. It's nothing to do with him, therefore there is no reason for him to get so worked up over it.

However, they are informed on Saturday that the set will not be open the next for whatever reason; Sehun thinks it might be a holiday, or a strike, he's not sure, he wasn't paying the slightest bit of attention. Either way, the executive producer tells them that they all have the day off. Sehun expects the director isn't ecstatic about this, but the cast is. Immediately they begin conferring with one another, discussing what they will do with the golden pocket of free time.

Sehun remains looking at his phone knowing he is not a part of this conversation. Out of work hours, he doesn't care what Junmyeon gets up to. He's not paid enough to wonder such things.

However, his boss sidles over to him and stands on his tiptoes to peer over Sehun's shoulders. Sehun only realises he's behind him when he feels breath tickling the back of his neck. With a surprised gasp, he reels forward and almost trips over his own feet.

"What did you do that for?" He demands indignantly.

Junmyeon smirks. "Because it was funny. Do you have any plans for Sunday?"

"Uh... no, considering I only found out two minutes ago that I have a day off."

"Perfect," the older man beams. "Let's do something!"

Sehun has to give his head a slight shake, unsure whether he heard correctly. It seems unfathomable that his boss wants to spend more time with him than necessary. Surely, with his life and circle of friends he should have something better to do? Unless he's unable to rally any of his friends on such short notice. Either way it seems like a set-up.

"You mean you want to spend time with me outside of work?" He asks slowly for clarification.

"Yeah! It'll be fun, don't you think?"

'Fun' is not the first word that springs to mind, yet the younger man remains polite enough not to express this aloud. Instead he forces a smile, that feels odd on his face. Truthfully he's still in too much shock at Junmyeon's suggestion to think about anything else.

"What do you suggest we do?"

The older man juts his hip out, tapping his chin pensively. Clearly he has not thought this far ahead either, deciding to just open his mouth and run with whatever spewed out. As a consequence, Sehun is subject to the most confusing offer he has ever been faced with in his life. 

"Why don't we go for a run? At the park?"

Sehun freezes in absolute horror, quickly shaking his head. "No thank you, I just remembered-"

"We'll meet at seven am," continues Junmyeon as if Sehun has not even spoken. "Don't forget to wear a hat and sunglasses."

"That's such a shame, I actually have church..."

"Sehun." Junmyeon fixes him with a flat glare.

"What?" The younger man protests innocently. "I do! I haven't been for a while and I need to repent."

"I'll buy you breakfast?" He offers.

"No, I'm sorry but my faith- wait what did you say?"

"I'll buy you breakfast," reiterates Junmyeon, folding his arms over his chest.

Sehun shifts on his feet, pulling his lips into a contemplative pout. There are definitely pros and cons to this suggestion, the biggest con mainly waking up at the crack of his dawn on his only day off for the foreseeable future. Yet the prospect of being treated to an undoubtedly expensive breakfast certainly has an appeal. Sehun is undecided whether spending time with his boss is a pro or a con.

"Would it help if I told you I won't take no as an answer?" Junmyeon says sweetly, fluttering his eyelashes.

Sehun scowls. "I'll be informing the Union about this."

A piercing whistle cuts across the set, alerting the cast that their break is over and they are needed back straightaway. Junmyeon begins speed-walking away, though his assistant remains hot on his heels, spewing out any words he can to dissuade him from the plan.

"I'm not changing my mind, Sehun!" Junmyeon calls over his shoulder, disappearing further into the distance. "Oh, and before you ask, you're not getting paid!"

***

Later that night, still indignant, Sehun takes matters into his own hands and calls his boss. Junmyeon might be asleep considering it's late and it's been a long day, frankly he doesn't care. He cannot allow the older man to have the final say in this.

"Sehun?" Junmyeon answers the phone sounding thoroughly confused, as he does every time Sehun contacts him first. It's almost like he forgets his personal assistant possesses his number- or does not expect him to use it.

"I'm not coming tomorrow," he says immediately. "You can't make me."

"Oh yes I can. And I will."

"How?"

"I'll cut your pay."

"Jokes on you, I have money in my savings account. What's your next move?"

Junmyeon is silent on the other side of the phone, and Sehun thinks he has him where he wants him. Smug triumph blooms in his chest, nodding to himself in his dark bedroom. It's not often he stuns Junmyeon into silence- the older man always has so much to say- but when it does happen, it's an enormous victory.

Or so he thought.

"I'll leak the photos of you that Chaeyoung took."

Sehun emits a ragged gasp, rocked into stunned silence. "You wouldn't!" He hisses accusingly. "How... how did you even get those photos?"

"I have a way around everything." Sehun can practically hear the older man's smirk through the phone. "Just know that I have them in my possession. All of them."

Sehun feels faint. The room begins spinning. It feels like somebody has turned the world on a one hundred mile an hour axis. Junmyeon says something into the receiver but he does not hear it, his focus too far away.

One evening, while bored and at a loose end waiting for Junmyeon to finish rehearsals, Chaeyoung offered to give Sehun a full makeover. While reluctant, he accepted in the end because he knew no one would ever find out. After locking the dressing room door tightly, Chaeyoung got to work and covered his entire face in dramatic stage makeup. It was hilarious, actually. Chaeyoung took numerous photos, in stitches of laughter over how silly he looked. As Sehun was batting his eyes foolishly at the camera, one of his false eyelashes fell off which added to the general hilarity. None of this was helped by the fact they'd had one too many beers in their boredom.

When Chaeyoung dared Sehun to wear one of her sports bras to complete the look, it was odd how quickly he agreed to it. Though it was a stretch to get it over his broad shoulders, the lycra material eventually gave way and soon, he was snugly squeezed into Chaeyoung's Adidas bra.

Chaeyoung, obviously, had taken a multitude of photos but in the moment he didn't care. Foolishly he assumed they would never see the light of day, or that she'd delete them when she sobered up out of second-hand embarrassment. Never in a million years did he imagine Junmyeon would ever get his hands on them. The thought of such incriminating pictures on Junmyeon's phone makes him want to claw his eyes out or chew batteries.

"You have to delete them," he begs.

"I'll consider it after our run. If you present me a good enough case then I'll think about it. Take care, Sehun." He hangs up, leaving Sehun staring at his ceiling with a slack jaw.

He hates it when Junmyeon has the upper hand.

***

As promised, Sehun is awake and ready by 6:30am on Sunday morning. Though he is not in the slightest bit happy about this- and claiming he is awake is a generous overstatement- he kept his word nonetheless.

He waits for Junmyeon by the entrance of the park, like they agreed, dressed head-to-toe in inconspicuous black sports clothing (most of which he purloined from Jongin, seeing as Sehun himself does not go to the gym) finished off with a baseball cap and the largest pair of sunglass he possesses, drowning his facial features completely. He's starting to think Junmyeon was overzealous with this suggestion because the park is practically dead, apart from a few dog walkers who are all looking at their phones anyway. Suddenly he feels very self-conscious in his attire.

He waits impatiently for his boss' arrival, tapping his foot and consulting his phone every few seconds- more a nervous tic than necessity. It occurs to him that spending his Sunday morning with his boss, outside of his designated hours, is extremely unusual and a little too close for comfort.

Sehun knows Junmyeon's offer was innocent, his boss is straight and he has made that abundantly clear; yet, a small cynical part of Sehun wonders if he is being led on. He admitted to Junmyeon he was gay, and the older man has been uncharateristically friendly with him ever since. It's more than likely nothing, just an issue birthed from paranoia of being led on by straight boys in the past, but Sehun is still uneasy about it. If it weren't for his job on the line Sehun would question Junmyeon about his motives, regardless of how embarrassing it is.

Eventually, a sleek black Audi pulls up on the sidewalk a few feet away from Sehun. Because the park is almost derelict, there is no issue about parking. Even though he knows this can only be Junmyeon, Sehun is still surprised- and a little disappointed, he was so hoping to see the Lamborghini again.

Still, the car is magnificent and everything Sehun could ever dream of. He tries to arrange his face into a mask of neutrality, yet he looks at the car with the deepest of longing, so intense it actually hurts his heart.

Junmyeon steps out of the car looking every bit the celebrity he is. Like Sehun, his entire face is covered- yet he wears a mask for extra precaution- a backwards cap, a black Adidas jacket and basketball shorts. Sehun realises, strangely, that this is the first time he has ever seen his boss' bare legs like this. For someone so well-put together and elegant, the messy frat boy look really suits him.

"You actually came." Junmyeon cannot disguise the surprise in his tone.

"I promised, didn't I?"

Behind his sunglasses, Junmyeon's eyebrows raise inches up his forehead. "That means nothing. Still, it's a pleasant surprise. Shall we get started with some stretches?"

"You go ahead," Sehun sits himself down on the bench. "I'll watch and... you know, observe."

"You're not getting out of this, Oh," protests Junmyeon, already beginning to stretch.

He starts with his arms, pulling them so high above his head that his jacket rides up and reveals yards of toned stomach. A deep V disappears into the waistband of his shorts, a thick trail of hair crawls from the top of his boxers to his bellybutton. Sehun actually feels his bones turn to jelly, grateful that he is sat down otherwise he may have collapsed.

Sehun's eyes bulge when Junmyeon lunges forward and starts to stretch his legs. His basketball shorts become very snug around his ass, emphasising what he has been hiding beneath his loose-fitting trousers this whole time.

Listen, Sehun's ogling is nothing personal. It's not because he likes Junmyeon or anything; he's just a helpless man who has his vices just like anyone else, and extremely attractive men (which is what Junmyeon happens to be) is one of them. He's only human. In fact, it would be weirder if he didn't stare at someone as ethereal as Junmyeon, who was obviously born with the sole purpose for everyone to stare at his pretty face; feeling inferior in comparison. Because no matter where he goes, he is always the best-looking person in the room.

Much to Sehun's chagrin.

"Sehun!" The older man barks, startling him out of his reverie. "You need to warm up or I'm going to leave you behind!"

"That's the whole point!" Sehun calls back, reclining further on the bench to prove a point.

To his surprise, Junmyeon marches over, grabs him by the forearm and yanks him off his seat. Sehun squeaks in surprise, not used to being manhandled in this manner- or seeing his boss' temper flare like this- stumbling ungainly to his feet.

"Drop and give me five," commands Junmyeon.

"What?" Sehun shakes his head. "Are you nuts-"

He is cut off by Junmyeon roughly nudging his shoulder. The action catches him completely by surprise so he ends up toppling onto his ass. He stares up at Junmyeon in bewilderment, his heart racing at the sudden assertive demeanour that has taken over him.

"It's ten now," his boss tells him.

"Bu-"

"Twenty!"

Sehun, who is in such a state of bemusement, automatically gets down onto his belly and begins doing the push-ups as instructed. He doesn't know what has caused him to suddenly be so obedient- he doesn't think Junmyeon would really lose his temper with him- yet he doesn't want to risk it.

As his face gets closer to the grass, he makes the horrifying realisation that angry Junmyeon is sexy.

"You call those push-ups?" His boss scoffs once Sehun scrambles to his feet.

"Shut up or I'll leak your location on Twitter," snaps the younger man. "Can we get this over with? I want to go back to bed."

"You haven't stretched yet."

"I'll take that risk," he replies coldly. "Just because you want to check me out."

Junmyeon scoffs. "Get a grip of yourself, Sehun."

Annoyingly, he is not too far from the truth.

Sensing a lost battle, Junmyeon no longer persists the matter and decides they should just get a head start. If they want to get finished before the park gets busy, they need to set off now. Neither of them want to get caught in the pedestrian traffic, damaging to both of their images.

Junmyeon jogs ahead alone, leaving Sehun in the dust behind him. He's not too concerned, reckoning his assistant will catch up with him soon- unless he hightails it back out of the park, which, considering this is Sehun, is an entirely feasible possibility. Perhaps Junmyeon pushed him too far with the push-ups; yet the weirdest thing was, the younger man didn't seem to mind. In fact, once he got the whining out of the way, he did as he was instructed without further argument. Almost like he wasn't opposed to it. Junmyeon may not have picked up on the sexual nature of his command, but Sehun certainly did.

Still flustered, Sehun watches his boss slowly disappear into the distance. Truthfully, he has half the mind to scuttle away with his tail between his legs, too embarrassed to face the older man. Then, the thought of being left behind lights a fire under his ass and he hurries after Junmyeon, shouting at him to wait up.

"I thought you didn't want to come," Junmyeon says smugly as they fall into step with one another.

"Yeah, well," Sehun puffs, already out of breath. "I didn't want to be left behind like a loser."

The older man grins behind his mask. "Too late for that."

"Shut up. Smartass."

Sehun doesn't have the capacity to say much more. He's so out of breath he has to preserve it where he can, talking will only waste precious oxygen. He cannot fathom how Junmyeon can simultaneously talk and run, especially with the mask. Then, Sehun supposes he's probably used to this; having adjusted to life hiding behind a mask.

They jog about two hundred yards and that is when Sehun begins to fall back. He tries to discreetly catch his breath, feigning bending down and tying his shoelaces. Then he pretends to yawn, covering his hands with his mouth and then gasping for air.

He wonders when he got so unfit. He supposes when he left university and stopped practising for sixteen hours a day, cancelling his gym membership and becoming lazy and unmotivated. Unlike Jongin he saw no point in keeping his body in peak condition anymore. Fortunately he is naturally willowy, so he doesn't gain weight easily. Yet it's near impossible for him to gain muscle. While it sounds good in theory, it can also be a burden.

Like right now. While Sehun may look physically fit with his lithe figure and slim waist, it is quite the opposite.

"Have you died?" Junmyeon shouts over his shoulder, not even looking back.

"If I have then I'm in hell with you," the younger man remarks, brushing himself off and lugging his body forward. They aren't even a quarter of the way around the park, and Junmyeon keeps mentioning terrifying things like doing two or even three laps of it.

If all else fails, Sehun will leap headfirst into the pond.

Halfway around the first lap of the park, Sehun has to breathlessly tell Junmyeon he needs to sit down. Without waiting for response, he collapses onto the nearest bench and puts his head between his knees, gasping for air. His windpipe has closed up considerably, making it almost impossible to breathe. He's beginning to wonder if he's developed asthma since the last time he worked out.

Junmyeon crouches down next to him, watching worriedly. "Jesus, are you okay?"

All the younger man can do is groan in response. Right now he doesn't care how embarrassing this is or what Junmyeon may be thinking of him. Besides, it's all the older man's fault anyway. If he hadn't been so annoyingly persistent about this...

"I-I don't think I can go on," gasps Sehun, throwing his arm over his eyes, chest rapidly rising and falling. "Go on without me. I'll only drag you down. I-I think this is the end for me."

"Stop being so dramatic," Junmyeon rolls his eyes. "You'll be fine. Want me to buy you a bottle of water? There's a vendor over there."

"No, I don't think that'll save me. I'll just dry up on the bench, like a sponge..."

With a strangled gasp of surprise, Sehun finds himself being lifted off the bench and scooped into Junmyeon's arms bridal style. His brain fritzes completely and he is completely unable to form coherent thought, only being able to focus on the wind rushing past his ears as Junmyeon begins sprinting with him.

"Stop!" He shrieks. "You're going to drop me!"

"You're safe with me, Sehun!" Junmyeon yells. "Trust me!"

"I don't, thats the point!" He protests. "Oh my god this is like Twilight."

"Hold on, spider monkey!" jokes Junmyeon, having to slow down with the force of which laughter is ripping out of him. Sehun has to clutch around his neck even harder for purchase, terrified his boss is suddenly going to let go of him and drop him on the gravel.

"Junmyeon!" Sehun's voice is so high-pitched it could shatter glass. "I'm going to fall!"

"I won't let you."

Sehun is surprised at the ease with which Junmyeon carries him, sprinting along without barely breaking a sweat. His breathing isn't even remotely laboured behind his mask. In the end, Sehun gives up protesting and just holds on for dear life. It doesn't take him long to understand that Junmyeon has no desire to drop him.

This continues until they reach the next bench where Junmyeon gently deposits him down, only very slightly out of breath and the visible skin on his countenance much pinker than usual. What Sehun doesn't realise is that this is not from the exertion of the run, but simply the proximity of which they were pressed together.

"I'm disappointed with how much Twilight knowledge you have," is all Sehun can say.

Junmyeon shrugs, unabashed. "They're good movies."

"Somehow it doesn't surprise me you think that."

"You were the one who mentioned it first!"

Sehun presses his lips tightly together in lieu of response. His brain is still a little sluggish, the shock still wearing off, so he doesn't have a good riposte.

"One more lap then breakfast?" Suggests Junmyeon, hands on his hips.

Sehun groans dramatically, throwing himself down further on the bench. "You're a machine."

"If you're not invigorated by your exercise then you're not doing it properly. That first lap was child's play, even with a gangly stringbean draped all over me."

"You're startlingly strong for such a small man," concedes Sehun.

"I'm not that small!" Chokes Junmyeon, looking mortally offended.

"I heard you spend your winters helping Santa in the North Pole."

Junmyeon scowls fiercely. "On your feet, Oh! You're running this lap on your own, and you owe me a piggyback."

"Wait-"

Sehun teeters forward with the force of his boss jumping on his back, wrapping his legs tightly around his torso. Instinctually Sehun reaches out to grab his calves, only so he doesn't fall off his back and pull him down with him. It's not even eight am yet and Sehun's brain has already reached its maximum capacity, ready to shut down at any moment. The heavy weight of Junmyeon on his back is not giving him any clarity.

"Come on!" Junmyeon shouts, sounding remarkably like a fitness instructor. "Just one lap!"

"Junmyeon, I'm going to die!" Sehun rasps. "You're choking me!"

"Whoops! Sorry!" Junmyeon giggles, lessening the grip on the younger man's throat. "Take me to the tree and I'll consider getting down."

"That's miles away!"

"You better get a move on then."

"Oh I'm so dropping you in the pond," Sehun mutters to himself, before setting off at a slow jog.

***

By the time they have done another lap of the park (Junmyeon slipped off Sehun's back a quarter of the way round, though it offered little relief) the older man decides to call it a day- frankly worried about Sehun's wellbeing- and offers to take him for breakfast.

There is a strip of various cafes and coffee shops down the quaint sidestreet leading off from the eastern gate of the park. Sehun had no idea they were there, refraining from asking Junmyeon how he happens to know they are there. He must have come to run here a lot in the past- probably with an ex girlfriend. The thought sits sourly in Sehun's stomach.

Junmyeon takes the lead, directing Sehun down the street before steering him into the direction of perhaps the most elegant looking cafe (did Sehun expect any different) which, despite the early hour, already has a few customers. Not busy enough to make Junmyeon anxious, yet more than he was expecting. Perhaps if he and Sehun had not messed around so much in the park they would've missed them.

Whatever may happen, Junmyeon does not regret the time they spent together in the slightest. For the first time, it seemed like Sehun was enjoying their time together; hardly ever complaining or even squabbling with him. Both of them appeared to have let their hair down, throwing away all professional pretences and just having fun. Junmyeon has not felt so satisfied in a while. He would even go as far as to say he has not felt so happy; not on the opening night of his musical or even when he got the role in My Brother's Best Friend.

It's foolish of him to get so attached to his cold assistant, Junmyeon knows this, which is why he's been trying to put distance between them. But he's never had the strongest resolve. As soon as he decided this, he was almost immediately going back on his word and trying to pull Sehun even closer. As of late, he feels like they have made real progress. No, he is not trying to manipulate Sehun into having feelings for him; he is more than happy just establishing a real friendship between them. One that isn't built on the foundations of their work. He thinks, with hope flaring in his chest, they're getting somewhere.

There is a layer of ice encasing Sehun's heart, but he would never let Junmyeon know he is slowly starting to melt it.

The older man holds the door open for him in a gentlemanly manner, gesturing with a sweeping motion for him to go first. Sehun nods wordlessly, wondering how many times he has done this for one of his faceless girlfriends in the past. Did he take them to this exact cafe? Is this one of his old haunts?

The interior is extremely quaint and pleasant; the furniture is made out of glazed light wood, the walls painted bright white and black lights dangle attractively from the ceiling, so low that Sehun almost bumps his head on them. It's airy, light and spacious; utterly charming. There is a delicious smell of strong coffee coming from one of the machines, intermingled with fresh bread and other baked goods. Instinctually, Sehun's stomach rumbles fiercely. Classical music plays from one of the two speakers on the ceiling, setting a pleasantly serene atmosphere.

Completely unknowingly, Junmyeon has brought him to the perfect place. Sehun gives him a generous nine out of ten for effort.

"Why don't you get us a table?" Suggests Junmyeon, pulling his wallet out of his jacket pocket. Sehun notices it bulges with notes. "I'll order drinks. Do you want a cappuccino?"

"Uh... yeah," he mumbles, wrong-footed that Junmyeon remembered his coffee order. He presumed his boss didn't pay attention to inane details like this. "That's perfect."

As per instruction, Sehun goes to occupy a table. Not right in the window so they are visible to the people who walk past, but close enough to it that they can see outside and onto the street. A safe enough distance away from the other occupants, though they are all either on their laptops or have their noses buried in this morning's newspapers. Since they are dressed appropriately to avoid attention, Sehun supposes he shouldn't be so worried about getting spotted. It's more for his own peace of mind than Junmyeon's. He can't face being subject to another scandal- let alone the accusations of being his boss' secret bodyguard-slash-lover.

Junmyeon joins him a few minutes later, flopping down into his chair and sighing in relief. He informs the younger man their drinks should arrive soon.

"Did anyone recognise you?"

"No, I kept my mask on. Honestly, Sehun, you don't have to be so worried."

"Last time you said that my face was splashed all over social media," he reminds him bitterly. Something tells him this wound will never heal. Even now, after all that time has passed, he harbours the tiniest amount of hatred for his boss for putting him in such a precarious position in the first place.

"Yeah, yeah," Junmyeon deadpans. "I only heard that the first two hundred times you brought it up. Will you ever give it a rest?"

Sehun's mouth falls agape. "Will I ever-? No! I won't! It was horrible for me!"

"And then everyone forgot about it a day later. Big deal."

The words are on the tip of his tongue, so close to the tipping point, but Sehun manages to withhold them with great difficulty.

Junmyeon does not regularly peruse social media, he is an unusually private celebrity who only updates his Instagram once a week- if that- and communicates with his fans via Twitter and LYSN even less frequently. He does not see what goes down on a daily basis. But Sehun, as an avid social media user, sees it all. And Junmyeon's fans have still not forgotten about him. While Minseok managed to get the press to remove all the articles, Junmyeon's fans still possess photos of Sehun and they will float around in a weekly cycle, paired with captions such as 'Remember when Junmyeon's hot bodyguard walked down the red carpet with him?'

Yes, Sehun feels like replying. Because people like you can't let it go.

Sehun never has the heart to go into this. Not only is it mortally embarrassing on his behalf, but Junmyeon loves his fans and worships them almost as much as they do to him. Sehun doesn't want to mar their image to him. He can be cruel, but not that bad. It would only make Junmyeon upset. Which, these days, is something he tries to avoid.

A waitress comes over with their coffee and menus tucked under her arms, telling them she'll be back to take their orders when they're ready. Instead of focusing on Junmyeon, her eyes linger on Sehun for slightly longer than necessary, like she is unsure whether she recognises him or not. To avoid further scrutiny, Sehun ducks his head down quickly, pretending to be engrossed in the menu.

"That girl was checking you out," mumbles Junmyeon, glaring at her back as she walks away.

"What? No she wasn't."

"She was," protests the older man, pouting. "I saw her."

"Were you hoping she'd check you out instead?"

Junmyeon almost bursts out laughing at the sheer irony.

"Um... no," he replies awkwardly. "I was not."

Behind his sunglasses, Sehun looks at him disbelievingly but doesn't persist. He certainly didn't sound very convincing.

After they order their food- Sehun asks for pancakes, whereas Junmyeon orders cinnamon French toast- they begin talking about work. Mainly it's Junmyeon talking, feeling the need to fill in the silence with inane chatter. He doesn't feel like talking, he just wants to keep Sehun's attention so he doesn't grow bored and irritable. Nonetheless the younger man listens intently, his eyes never leaving Junmyeon's face or his lips. If Junmyeon was not such a skilled actor he would crack under the pressure, but he just determinedly pretends he's talking to anyone but Sehun- this does little to ease his jittery nerves.

"What do you think about the cast?" He asks the younger man, needing a respite in conversation.

Sehun looks surprised. "They're... fine. I like Jisoo, she's funny. Jaehyun seems okay."

He has yet to tell Junmyeon about the flirting that night they went to dinner. Because it has not happened since, Sehun simply puts it down to a fluke. Alcohol was flowing and Jaeehyun had had a glass of wine before their arrival; he was probably just tipsy, unaware of his actions or deeply regretful in the aftermath. In fact, Sehun would go as far as to say Jaehyun has been avoiding him. It's been hard determining this considering how busy he constantly is on set, but Sehun has come to this conclusion nonetheless.

He's just lost as to why.

"I'm glad you like Jisoo, she's a very good friend."

"How did you even become friends? I mean, you two have very different personalities."

"We were on the same course at university. My acting coach asked if I would give a freshman some training outside of school hours, it would count for extra credit, so I said yes. That freshman was Jisoo. Believe me, she was completely different back then. She was so shy she never spoke to me, only reading the script and then leaving as soon as our lesson was over. Eventually she came out of her shell and the monster we know today was created."

Sehun cannot help smiling. "Cute. What about Kyungsoo?"

"We met at an award show- the first one I attended actually. We were both nominated for Breakthrough Performance. Neither of us won, ironically. We were sitting at the same table, we gossiped through the whole thing and we just kind of... stuck to each other afterwards."

"And thus your rivalry ended?"

Junmyeon smiles. "Exactly. I'm glad you've been paying attention."

With a pleased sigh, he briefly looks out of the window while collecting his thoughts. Sehun never takes his eyes off of his side profile, admiring the symmetry and beauty of it.

There's no wonder he's so famous, the younger man thinks. What is most surprising is that he considers this without the slightest trace of malice. He's too perfect for his own good.

"I'm glad we got to do this," his boss speaks up quietly, not taking his eyes away from the glass. If it was anyone else speaking, Sehun might think they were being bashful. Not Junmyeon though, he is too immodest. Not a sincere bone in his body.

"It's certainly been different," remarks Sehun in an offhand tone. He would rather jump headfirst out of the window than let Junmyeon know his true feelings.

Junmyeon eyes him evenly. "Are you deliberately hard to read on purpose?"

"Yes. Have you only just figured this out now?"

The older man chuckles and shakes his head, perhaps a little in exasperation. Sehun is fine with this. It's still keeping him at arms-length. He can't let his boss in too far. Today he has already filled in his quota of being nice to Junmyeon.

Though it gets easier to be friendly with him each passing day.

Sehun can't tell whether his boss' personality is becoming more mellow- less abrasive and insufferable- or Sehun has just grown accustomed to it. He doesn't kid himself into thinking this is Junmyeon's genuine personality, but he has lost hope of ever getting to know him properly. Sehun has just grown content in their tentative friendship. Once he recognised it will never go further than this, he has become accepting of it.

People like Junmyeon and Sehun just do not mix. Sehun has learnt this the hard way, so expects nothing else to come from this. And then when Sehun eventually moves on, Junmyeon will quickly replace him and forget all about his former assistant; because lowly mortals like Sehun don't matter to people like Kim Junmyeon, who views people as totally expendable.

Meanwhile, Junmyeon is sat across the table, hoping that he gets to keep Sehun close to him for the foreseeable future, dreading the day he ever has to let him go. He vows he will do everything in his power to prevent this. Junmyeon doesn't think he'd ever get over losing a character like Sehun.

There is a deeper reasoning behind this, though it's not something he wants to delve into over breakfast.

Suddenly, Sehun's phone begins vibrating in his pocket indicating he has an incoming call. Frowning in confusion, he pulls it out, in the brief millisecond he wonders who is calling him so early.

"Hi, Mom," Sehun says loudly, fixing his eyes on Junmyeon. "Why wasn't I at church, you ask?"

Junmyeon's eyes roll skyward.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Asks Baekhyun, "I'm calling to say that we can see you and your hot piece of ass boss on a coffee date."

Sehun looks up and, lo and behold, Baekhyun and Chanyeol are standing outside of the cafe waving manically at them through the window.

Sehun's blood turns to ice. Oh no. Oh God no. This can't be happening.

He shuts his eyes in a silent prayer.

God, I know I've asked you a lot of times to smite me and sometimes others, but you know I was only joking. Right now, however, if you were to send me to the Pearly Gates, I would be  extremely grateful.

When he opens his eyes he sees to his horror that he's still in the cafe and Junmyeon is looking at him like he's beamed down from an alien planet.

And now Baekhyun and Chanyeol are coming in.

Great. Just great.

Sehun slides down so far into his seat his chin practically touches the table top. Maybe if he makes himself as small and inconspicuous as possible his friends will take the hint; presuming they must have gotten him confused with someone else before apologising profusely and scrambling out of the cafe.

"Sehun!" Baekhyun calls, as if he can read his friend's mind, alerting him that nothing of the sort is going to happen. Within seconds they are at the table, bearing down on them with idioitc, smug grins with their hands on their hips, shaking their heads comically.

Junmyeon, bless his heart, looks utterly confused. He glances back and forth between the three of them, face scrunched up in concentration as the cogs visibly shift in his brain.

"I've never seen these men before in my life," Sehun says quickly. "If you don't leave in five seconds then I'm going to be forced to call the authorities. I believe this might be an attempt on Mr Kim's life."

"They hardly look like hitmen, Sehun," chuckles Junmyeon. "In fact, they look like they know you."

"We're his best friends." Chanyeol gets Sehun in a headlock and ruffles his hair. It was sweaty and gross anyway, but that isn't the point.

Baekhyun flutters his eyelashes. "We've heard so much about you, Mr Kim." He then winks. "And that's just from Sehun."

Now it's Junmyeon's turn to become flustered.

"Well, I-I thank you. That's very flattering."

Baekhyun slides onto Sehun's seat, using his hips to practically knock him off his chair. Sehun casts a sideways glare at his friend while gripping onto the table for purchase, Baekhyun pretends not to notice. He cups his hands underneath his chin, tapping his fingers against his cheek all while giving Junmyeon his undivided attention, blinking his eyes slowly up at him.

Sehun knows he's only flirting with Junmyeon as a joke, but it still pisses him off. He shoves Baekhyun off of his chair so hard that he lands straight on his ass on the floor with a yelp. The other customers in the café give a cursory glance over to the table making all of the ruckus. Sehun is so embarrassed he wants to die. More to the point, he wants his friends to.

"What are you doing here?" He manages to ask through gritted teeth, fists balled up on his thighs.

"We were just passing through, we sometimes come to this café you know. And here you two were!" Baekhyun exclaims with a clap of his hands. "Funny coincidence, right?"

Innocent Junmyeon nods in agreement. Obviously he has not attuned to Baekhyun's personality yet. "That really is funny. Sehun and I were running in the park-"

"You were what?"

Both sets of his friend's eyes are boring into the side of his face. The younger man squirms in his seat, in utter agony. He doesn't have an adequate excuse. Sehun knows full well how out of character this gesture is. What a testament of loyalty it is to his boss.

"Believe me, it was a struggle getting him here," Junmyeon remarks. "He didn't stop complaining the whole way around."

He omits the story of the piggyback. Sehun is eternally grateful.

Chanyeol rolls his eyes. "That sounds like our Sehunnie. He's been like that his whole life. It's nothing personal, Mr Kim."

The older man smirks slightly, making direct eye contact with his assistant. "That's good to know."

"Shouldn't you two be going?" Sehun asks loudly. "Baekhyun, I believe you have a house guest who needs tending to. Chanyeol, don't you have a date with Minseok?"

Junmyeon, who was halfway through a sip of his latte, chokes exaggeratedly. He splutters into his hands unattractively, all while sporting a ridiculous foam moustache. And the worst thing? He doesn't look stupid- like any other person would.

"My publicist Minseok?"

"The very same."

Now it's Chanyeol's turn to look meek. He rubs the back of his neck awkwardly, staring down at his battered Jordans. Sehun feels triumphant knowing he has transferred the embarrassment onto his friend. It serves them right for trying to sabotage this date in the first place.

Wait, did Sehun just refer to this as a date Gross. He means outing. Him and Junmyeon's outing. There is a huge difference.

"It's not... well... it's not like that," Chanyeol protests, tripping over his words. "It's like... you know..."

Baekhyun shakes his head pityingly.

Junmyeon looks wildly uncomfortable. "I had no idea. Congratulations."

"Before we go, please can we get an autograph, Mr Kim? We're your biggest fans."

"Baekhyun!"

"What?" He asks innocently.

"Sure, of course."

Junmyeon quickly signs two napkins with pen Baekhyun handed him (Sehun doesn't want to fathom why he has it about his person, though he has a good idea why) before anyone else in the café sees and realises he is famous. Satisfied, Baekhyun and Chanyeol bid them goodbye, blowing kisses and waving as they walk backwards out of the front door. Sehun scowls after them, jaw set so hard that he almost smashes all of his teeth.

"They seem nice," his boss says lightly.

"I'm so embarrassed I want to crawl in a hole and die."

"Why?" Junmyeon cocks his head. "I thought they were really funny."

"They're embarrassing."

"All friends are," the older man waves dismissively. "It means they care. And your friends obviously care about you a great deal. Otherwise they wouldn't have come to see you."

"No, that was definitely to make me look like an idiot."

Junmyeon doesn't ask why Sehun is so worked up about the prospect of being humiliated in front of him, knowing he's just assuming things to fit into his fantasy. The reality will be a lot harsher, and it's not something he wants to face right now.

"You could never look like an idiot in front of me, Sehun," he coos, trying to make light of the situation. When Sehun mocks gagging, he knows things are slowly returning back to normal.

***

"Do you think Sehun is in love with Junmyeon?"

"Oh, yeah. Totally."

"Right? It was so obvious. Before we walked in he was practically eye-fucking him."

"I've never seen him acting like that before in front of someone. Everything he said about not liking him was total bullshit."

"Do you think he'll realise we tracked him using Find My Friends?"

"Nah. I mean.... probably not. Let's just never mention it."

***

Breakfast lasts another hour, enjoying the peaceful atmosphere over two more coffees until the café slowly begins to fill up with more customers. This is when they reluctantly take their leave, though neither men would ever admit they would happily have stayed there all day in each other's company.

Conversation is sparse between them, though they have surpassed the point where they feel like they need to fill in the silences. They are content with the quiet, just being in each other's presence is enough.

They reach Junmyeon's car before Sehun's, considering he parked closest to the park gates. Sehun has to act quickly before his boss leaves, already climbing into his car.

"So are you going to delete those photos?"

Junmyeon looks puzzled. "What photos?"

"The ones Chaeyoung gave you..."

"Oh! I don't actually have them!" He laughs. "I was just blackmailing you."

"What?" Sehun shrieks, stopping dead.

"Yeah. Chaeyoung told me a while ago that she took these really embarrassing photos of you so I just rolled with it. I haven't actually seen them. I have no idea what they are. They must be good. I might ask her to show me them next time I see her. Ciao, Sehun." He blows a kiss before driving away, revving the engine purposely loud.

Sehun is left standing dumbly on the sidewalk, body numb in utter shock as his jaw swings open on its hinges.

He can't believe he let Junmyeon get the best of him again.

Notes:

one day i thought of this scene between seho, worked on it for a while, came up with a plot and storyline and thus cut and rewind was born! so i've been excited about this chapter for a while. hope you all enjoy, we're definitely getting somewhere with them now! :D

Chapter 17: Chapter Seventeen

With his new busy lifestyle, Sehun hopes he will be able to avoid seeing his family for special occasions and holidays this year. It's not that he doesn't love them- because he does, very dearly in his own weird way- but he just can't deal with them. They're far too much; too full on, too loud, too intrusive and too annoying.

(Baekhyun happily tells him that this is where Sehun inherited all of his characteristics from, which earns him a hard slap around the head, but Sehun goes home and has an existential crisis over these accusations.)

Chuseok is five days away, and Sehun is starting to think he's in the clear. So far neither of his parents have mentioned it, nor his brother whom he keeps in much more regular contact with. Sehun presumes they have forgotten or just decided not to invite him, assuming his schedule is too packed to be able to attend. This could not be further from the truth, but he certainly wouldn't let them know that. The set will be closed for the holiday as everyone else will be spending it with their families.

Sehun has already made plans; he will either stay home or visit Jongin's family, which he long ago became a cemented member in. They invite him every year out of curtsey; as do Baekhyun and Chanyeol's families. There is a running joke in the group that Sehun is every mother's adopted son; the son they wished they had, Sehun always points out, which doesn't earn him many laughs.

Really, he should have known better than to presume the universe would let him have this advantage. The call from his mother comes when he is in Junmyeon's trailer (he has his own now, sharing was only a temporary measure) waiting for his boss to come back from a gruelling rehearsal.

His heart drops when he sees his mother's name on the incoming call. Part of him wonders whether he'd be able to profess innocence and pretend he never saw the call, deep down he knows this won't fly. His mother would only repeatedly ring him until he was driven to insanity and compelled to answer. Might as well get it over with.

"Hi, mom," he greets her, forcing a cheerful intonation to his tone.

"Sehun! I'm surprised I caught you. You're supposed to be at work." Already she sounds disapproving.

"We're on a break, mom. Which is why we'll have to be quick."

"I only called to check what time you were coming on Saturday. Hajoon will be here at eight, so I was thinking you could be here at eight-thirty?"

"Saturday?" Sehun repeats, feigning innocence.

"It's Chuseok. Did you forget, Sehun? Your father said you had, but I said 'no, our Sehunnie would never forget something so important to his mother-'"

"Okay fine, I forgot. I'm sorry."

His mother tsks heartily, so vigorously Sehun wonders if her tongue has poked a whole through the blockade of her teeth. If there's one thing his mother loves doing, it's scolding him.

"Typical. This is why I should have had two daughters. You'll be here at eight-thirty, yes?"

Sehun doesn't see how he has much choice.

"Yes, I'll be there."

"Will you be bringing plus-one? Should I set an extra place at the table?"

"No, mom. It's just me. Again."

"We will talk about your lack of romantic partners on Saturday. Take care, son. I'll look forward to seeing you." Then she rings off.

Altogether, it was much less painful than Sehun was anticipating. Yet he still needs a few moments to recover, as he always does after talking to his mother. She's certainly a force of nature. What is even more hilarious is that Sehun's father is the most quiet, thoughtful, softly-spoken man Sehun has ever met. Compared to his wife he makes her look like a Juggernaut.

There is a brief catharsis of silence until Junmyeon walks in five minutes later, tugging off his Burberry scarf and tossing it down carelessly like it didn't cost more than Sehun's rent, already halfway through telling Sehun about something that just happened on set as soon as he opens the door.

"-Such an entitled little prick. Honestly, when filming is over I'm telling Jongdae I never want to work with him again." He draws short. "Are you okay? You look shell shocked."

"I'm fine. I just spoke to my mom on the phone."

"Oh." Junmyeon's interest is piqued. He doesn't know a lot about Sehun's family or his childhood, just picking up on snippets that the younger man happened to slip when he was feeling particularly generous and friendly. Of course Junmyeon listened intently, storing the information away for later in the- very large- portion of his brain that is dedicated entirely to his personal assistant.

From what he can recall, he doesn't think Sehun and his mother are on bad terms. That doesn't explain his demeanor though.

"She asked me whether I was going to see them for Chuseok. I wasn't planning on it but I couldn't say no to her."

Junmyeon's face falls, his heart twisting painfully.

"Oh. Actually, I-I was going to ask if you would like to spend it with me, seeing as I thought you didn't have anywhere to go."

Sehun is stunned into silence, unable to do anything but gawp up at Junmyeon helplessly, feeling his throat go completely dry as his tongue sits heavy and awkward in his mouth. There is a tightness in his chest, a boiling hot sensation in the pit of his stomach. Yet it's not as unpleasant as it sounds.

"Oh."

Junmyeon shifts awkwardly on his feet. He's extremely embarrassed, humiliation painfully grating in his throat.

"It's fine. Forget I ever said anything."

Sehun leans forward. "No, I'm sure I can make some kind of arrangement. Divide my day into two."

Junmyeon can't fight off the beam that stretches across his face. It lights up the whole trailer, utterly radiant and unashamedly ecstatic. His eyes scrunch up and his perfect teeth are on full display, Sehun has only seen him express this kind of joy a few times before.

It wasn't about making Junmyeon happy, Sehun accepted the offer because it would be rude to refuse. Yet, seeing the older man so delighted certainly makes Sehun feel like he made the right decision.

***

Jongin sleeps at his parent's house on Friday night, meaning Sehun is alone in the apartment. Jongin's gift to him is wrapped neatly on the table, and even though Sehun hasn't poked at it yet, he imagines it will be the Dior aftershave he is so fond of.  His own gift to Jongin was an expensive pair of sneakers- not traditional Chuseok gifts but they reached the mutual understanding years ago that they would rather buy each other useful things they like. He wishes he could see Jongin's reaction once he opens the gift, though his best friend will gush and go over the top with affection when he comes home.

That isn't why Sehun did it, but it's certainly a perk.

Surprisingly, Sehun finds himself getting a little tense about the idea of meeting Junmyeon's family tomorrow. Really, he has no right to be there; he's not family, hell he's hardly even Junmyeon's friend, yet the older man for some reason decided there should be a place for him at their table. Not that Sehun's complaining. Truthfully he is morbidly fascinated about Junmyeon's upbringing and his family. He's extremely tight-lipped about it, hardly ever bringing up his family or divulging any information about them. Sehun feels like if he meets Junmyeon's family, sees the way in which he was raised, he will finally gain a better understanding of him.

Which is why, he supposes, he agreed to accompany him in the first place.

He goes to bed early because he knows he has to be up early if he is to make it more than halfway across the city on one of the busiest days of the year. He should've sucked it up and stayed overnight- Jongin had the right idea- but he couldn't cope with his mother fussing over him like a child.

As he lays in bed, he tries not to think about everything that could go wrong tomorrow. Sehun can be extremely charming and likeable when he wants, so if he just shifts into this persona tomorrow in front of Junmyeon's family everything should be fine. He doesn't know why making a good impression on them is so important to him, it just is. For his own vanity, of course. Plus, they're one of the most elite families in the city according to Jongdae; it wouldn't hurt to get a leg up with them either.

Sehun envisions a gothic castle housing an evil family as Junmyeon's home, which he knows is irrational and wrong of them. He visualises Morticia Addams opening the door to greet him. The concept of Junmyeon having a family seems so foreign that it's almost impossible to know what to expect. His boss is so perfect it's like he was simply beamed down onto earth by a higher being, without conception of a mother.

There isn't anything he can do now but wait for tomorrow to come. With that in mind, he falls asleep straight away. He misses the text that comes from Junmyeon almost fifteen minutes later.

Junmyeon: I hope you get a good night's sleep. I'm looking forward to seeing you tomorrow :D

***

Traffic is abysmal. Sehun's temper is a frayed edge by the time he reaches his parents house, having almost ripped the steering wheel out of the dashboard in frustration. When he sees his brother's car parked in the drive this almost completely tips him over the edge. He had hoped he'd get here before he would. He has to take a few seconds to regain his balance, breathing in heavily through his nose.

It's going to be fine. He just has to get through pleasantries and dinner with his family when he will be seeing Junmyoen- then able to go home and pretend this whole day hasn't happened. Everything will work out.

Before he has even reached the front door, his mother is throwing it open to greet him. He'd forgotten how small she was, and in this moment he wonders how she managed to produce two tall sons.

"Sehun!" She calls, holding her arms out for him. She throws herself at his torso in a tight hug, gripping onto the back of his leather jacket.

Suddenly overwhelmed with guilt for being so reluctant to come here and considering skipping the celebrations altogether, Sehun hugs her tightly in reciprocation. He hopes she can feel his sincerity.

"It's good to see you, mom," he says, voice slightly muffled.

"You too, Little One. I've missed you so much."

Usually Sehun bristles with indignation at this moniker, today he doesn't have the heart. On the contrary, it's weirdly nice. It doesn't matter what happens between them or how much time they spend apart; they'll always be family and this will always be his home. A concept he never fully appreciated until he started getting older. Twenty-five has been the age where he has realised a lot; not only about the world, but himself as well.

"You're not wearing your hanbok," she sniffs as she leads him inside. His socked feet skid slightly on the immaculately polished wooden floor.

He rolls his eyes. "Mom, no one wears them anymore. Not guys anyway."

"I'm wearing one. Yeona will be wearing one."

"She's eight. She doesn't have a choice."

Haneul rolls her eyes, though persists the matter no more. Sehun soon realises that this is because his brother isn't wearing a hanbok either, so it would be hypocritical of her to chew him out about it but not Hajoon.

Greeting his brother is a little awkward, but they soon fall into their usual camaraderie. They go through the ritual of high-fives, fist-bumps and awkward man-hugs before Hajoon bends him over into a noogie. Today, Sehun's hair must remain looking nice so he shoves his brother away roughly which causes him to fall on the sofa, thus earning him a scolding from his mother for mussing up the furniture.

"Boys will be boys," his father says while shaking his head, looking mildly disappointed in them. Both of their parents made it no secret they hoped to have daughters instead of sons.

Sehun hugs his father once he has detached himself from Hajoon, expressing how good it is to see him again. Although he was never as close to his dad as he was his mom, it's nice making up for lost time. His dad is completely hopeless when it comes to technology so Sehun can't really FaceTime him or text regularly like he does with his mom.

While they wait for the rest of the family to turn up- grandparents, aunts, uncles, an array of cousins- Kangdae pats the sofa beside him and asks Sehun to tell him all about this wonderful new job. He's been sparse with the details, considering he doesn't speak to his parents that much, so they're all dying to know about it. Not just that, but they are intrigued to know all about Kim Junmyeon- the man behind all of his mother's favourite dramas.

"He's just a regular guy," shrugs Sehun when his dad presses for further details. "There's nothing special about him."

"Don't let your mother hear you say that. She loves him." Kangdae pulls a face, almost mirroring Sehun's exact expression towards his boss which he finds hilarious.

"Did she still love him after that article was released? That was really funny," Hajoon slaps Sehun heartily on the back. He grits his teeth as he feels the air knocked out of him.

"Haha, yeah... that was so funny."

"Yes, what was that about, Sehun?" Kangdae asks, staring at his son over the rim of his glasses.

Sehun hates when his father fixes him with stony glares like this, it makes his insides squirm and acidic bile rise in his throat. He shouldn't be burning with shame over the memory of the article- he did nothing wrong- he still feels like a small child caught in the act nonetheless. It's impossible to explain to his parents, or anyone who has not seen how him and Junmyeon's relationship works. They would think it's childish, their petty back-and-forth masquerading some deeper feelings which Sehun is adamant aren't there.

Besides, it's just embarrassing admitting to your parents that your boss- the hottest person you've ever laid eyes on- is disgustingly straight and totally not into guys. They can code their relationship however they like, yet it will not surpass this hurdle. If Sehun ever were- God forbid- to fall for his boss, it would be a futile endeavour and not worth the time nor heartbreak.

"Just the media making up stories," he replies smoothly, amazed at how his voice comes out without any cracks. "There's nothing to it."

Kangdae's face falls. "That's a shame. Your mother was hoping it was true so she could tell the women at her book club that Kim Junmyeon is her son-in-law."

Sehun emits such an almighty choke that he feels his lungs slithering up into his trachea. Both his brother and father look at him in concern, handing him a glass of water and thumping him between the shoulder blades. He's so horrified he doesn't even recognise the dull throb where his brother accidentally smacked his spine.

"No," he splutters. "That'll never be happening."

His dad looks off wistfully into the distance. "What a shame..."

***

Sehun's mother doesn't have time to pester him about the gritty details of his job because she is far too busy in the kitchen and arranging the house at the last minute. She asks her sons to help her move the couch to the opposite side of the lounge, and when they flatly refuse, telling her the arrangement of the room is fine, she begins assaulting them with a throw cushion.

As Sehun smooths down his now ruffled hair after his father drags Haneul back into the kitchen by her waist, he realises with an impending sense of misery that this is why he doesn't come home often.

Extended family begin arriving an hour later. Much to Haneul's triumph, they are all donned in hanboks, while her husband and sons are the only ones in their normal clothing. Sehun's aunt scolds him for this, giving them an earful about not caring about tradition and asking do they really want to upset their mother this way? Sehun is about to point out the lump on the head from the impact of the throw cushion before managing to clamp his tongue. He just has to endure a few more hours of lectures from various family members then he is free. Unwittingly, Junmyeon has given him a golden ticket to escape. For that he will forever be grateful.

As the youngest, Sehun is put on welcoming duty, basically meaning he must open the door and greet their guests and direct them into the house like they don't come here every year. He endures pinches and pats from the older women in his family and vigorous, masculine slaps across the shoulder from the older men which almost causes his spine to shift out of place. A few times they almost knock him flat on his ass, managing to regain balance at the last minute.

The last part of the family to arrive is Hanuel's youngest sister, Byeol, and her assortment of children and husband. Out of all of his extended family Sehun is probably closest to her, feeling some sort of kindred connection with her, even since he was a young child. His friends like to joke his personality is a carbon copy of his mother's, but really it would be more accurate to say it was an imitation of his aunt's.

"Sehun!" She crows, grabbing hold of his face in both hands and pulling at it like raw dough. She's so busy preening over him that she doesn't register his pained wince. "Oh it's so good to see you again! You're even more handsome!"

"Thanks, Aunt Byeol," he murmurs, struggling to talk through his squished cheeks. "You're... as lovely as ever."

Once she has moved on from manhandling him, his uncle simply shakes his hand in a greeting, mutually bowing before swiftly moving on, wanting to discuss the soccer scores with Kangdae.

Their son, Sanghoon, is a sullen sixteen-year-old who is famous on Tiktok, more for his looks and not his dancing or comedic skills as Sehun observed when giving his profile a cursory investigation. He grunts something that could sound like hello, but really Sehun isn't sure. He says hi back to be on the safe side.

Then, their daughter, Yeona, comes darting through the front door dressed in a pale pink hanbok that looks two sizes too big for her. With a twinge of empathy, Sehun realises she will probably be wearing this until she is sixteen, like he and Hajoon were forced to do as well. It's refreshing to see that even in these modern times some traditions are never lost.

Yeona tilts her head to look up at him, considering the sizable height difference. She barely comes up to his midriff, only making her intimidating gaze even more hilarious.

"Hello," she greets him in a voice that sounds decades older than it actually is. Apparently she has been spending a lot of time with their grandma.

Sehun bows. "Hello."

In a typical child manner, Yeona immediately comes out with, "Mom said I'm not supposed to talk to you about your job."

"Uh... okay."

"You work for Kim Junmyeon, right?"

"You're not doing a very good job at not talking about it."

"It was one question!"

"Yes I work with Kim Junmyeon. That's all you're getting."

Sehun doesn't have a lot of experience with kids. Being the baby in the household and growing up to be the youngest in his friendship group, he never really navigated in such territories. It's always been him getting babied; him asking the persistent questions, him deliberately winding up his seniors, him getting away with things those older than him would not have gotten away with. This is difficult, something he wishes he had been forewarned about.

Obviously children get more annoying and invasive as each year passes. He can't remember her being this abrasive last Chuseok. Has his grandma really been that bad an influence on her?

On reflection, he realises; yes.

The interrogation doesn't stop with Yeona, though. As soon as the family are gathered in the lounge, they immediately begin bombarding him with questions all centered around his job and his employer. Being of the older generation, his family worship Junmyeon and religiously watch his dramas. It's torture. Nobody in Sehun's family possesses a filter, so their intrusive questions don't cease even when he shows visible discomfort, whining to his mother and asking her to tell them to stop; even though she was the instigator.

Because Sehun signed an NDA, he is not allowed to disclose information about Junmyeon's schedule or private life- not even to his closest family. Aunt Yon exclaims this is bullshit (much to Yeona and the younger children's delight) and threatens Sehun with withholding his Chuseok gift- which he already knows is cookies, it is every year- if he doesn't immediately tell her what drama he is currently filming for.

"Aunt Yon I signed a contract," he emphasises. "I'd be breaking the law if I told you."

"I'm your aunt!" She gesticulates wildly with her hands. "I used to change your diapers!"

Sehun slides so far down in his seat he almost crumples on the floor. He doesn't know whether he can endure this much longer.

"Is it true you're dating him?" Yeona cocks her head interestedly.

"Yeona! You shouldn't listen to grown-ups conversations," her mother scolds. Then her head snaps up to Sehun. "But she makes a very good point."

"I'm not!" He cries. "You know, it'd be nice if you asked about me instead of my boss."

"Honey, you're not famous," his mother pats him consolingly on the back. "This is the most interesting thing that's happened to this family since your grandfather won his medal. Isn't that right, Dad?"

Sehun's grandfather, who has been dozing through this whole ordeal, suddenly jerks away with a surprised grunt and begins nodding rapidly though he doesn't know what he's agreeing to.

When Sehun's grandmother fills him in, he says, "I brought my medal with me if you'd like to see it Sehun."

Emitting a pained groan, Sehun finds himself eagerly anticipating the moment when Junmyeon rescues him from all of this.

***

Once the food is served, things become more bearable. Sehun is spared further questioning and is able to quietly blend into the background, eating his fill of songpyeon and japchae. If he were to pick the thing he misses most about living at home, it would be his mother's traditional cooking.

All things considered, his day hasn't been as painful as he was anticipating. Sehun still wishes he'd stayed at home- already formulating excuses to miss next year's festivities- but it's fine. He only has to wait three more hours until he gets to leave.

He is yet to break the news to his family about his disappearance. He vaguely told his mother he had to leave early because of a prior social engagement but she had been so flustered in the kitchen she was barely paying attention, which is exactly why he did it. If anyone asks he'll say he's going to Jongin's. Admitting he has been invited to Kim Junmyeon's residence is a wormhole he really doesn't want to fall down at this current moment in time. Not after telling his family they are colleagues and nothing more.

They are. Their relationship is just unconventional. That's all.

His gifts this year are good, if not a little predictable. Most of it consists of food such as sweet treats and meat, which is what he usually gets though he gets more enjoyment out of them the older he gets. He remembers when he was Yeona's age, scowling at his pile of gifts and feeling robbed just like she is now. He reassures her it will get better once she's grown up, she tells him to shut up.

Hajoon presents him with a basket full of different flavoured coffee granules which is a pleasant surprise. His brother has been known to scrimp out when it comes to gifts, which leaves Sehun feeling guilty and wishing he'd made more effort into getting him something better than the beef he enjoys so much. Still, he seems pleased about it so Sehun doesn't feel too bad.

Then they present the young ones with their money, starting from the oldest member of the family right down to Sehun, who outgrew this tradition a few years ago when Hanuel said he was being ridiculous still expecting money at the age of twenty-one. Reluctantly, he gives ten dollars to each of the children, his pockets immediately feeling the effect. Since when did they have so many kids in the family?

After this, the family games begin and Kangdae brings out the hacky-sack for the middle-aged men to play with; all desperately trying to grasp onto their youth and dislocating their knees in the process. Sehun has a turn out of politeness, but when he only manages four and they all begin ruthlessly making fun of him, he joins the women playing gonggi.

Which, annoyingly, he is also terrible at.

Unable to withstand any more, Sehun decides it is time to take his leave.

"I have to go now, mom," he tells her, talking over the chattering of his aunts.

Hanuel looks at him quizzically. "Going where?"

"I told you," he says patiently. "I'm going to Jongin's."

"So soon?" She frowns.

"Yeah, I need to get through traffic and stuff so..."

Despite telling her this, she still makes him say goodbye to every family member individually- even the kids- and thank them for his presents. It's all rather humiliating considering he is a grown man now. However, he manages to get through it rather painlessly and before long, he is sprinting down the driveway to the sanctity of his car, where he gets his first moment of peace all day.

Sehun: leaving my mom's now, will probably be home in 30

Junmyeon: Great. I'll leave soon. Excited to see you :D

Sehun doesn't know why his heart is beating so fast.

***

Once home, Sehun changes into much smarter attire; consisting of a crisp white shirt, his fanciest blazer and black slacks (ironed, for once, though Jongin did it for him) in an attempt to look presentable. He knows enough about the Kim family to know they are part of the elite, and anything less than his best will not be good enough. Though he doubts even that will be adequate.

He still can't imagine why Junmyeeon thought it would be a good idea to introduce him to his family, knowing full well he won't be able to live up to their expectations. Sehun can fake it 'til he makes it with the best of them, but this is one thing he can't pull off.

Anxiously checking his appearance one last time, Sehun slicks his hair further back and adjusts his jacket. Junmyeon texted him that he's waiting outside, he doesn't want to keep the older man waiting.

If he has to hurry then it leaves little time for the nerves to eat him alive. As he thunders down the stairwell- the elevator has been broken for a while- his chest constricting with a mixture of exertion and apprehension, he can't think of every single thing that could go wrong in front of Junmyeon's family. All he can focus on is the thumping in his skull and the feeling of his lungs packing up.

Perhaps Junmyeon was right, he really needs to get back into shape.

Once outside on the sidewalk, the sight of a flashy yellow Lamborghini knocks what remaining air Sehun has in his lungs right out of his body. He stares in awe, mouth hanging open. It's been months since he last saw the vehicle yet it looks even more spectacular this time around. Sehun has to blink a few times to ensure it's not just a beautiful mirage.

The window rolls down slowly, and a familiar face is revealed, donned in huge sunglasses that almost makes Sehun roll his eyes fondly.

"Uber for Oh Sehun?"

"You're the worst," he scoffs.

"Correction; I'm the best. Get in before you start drooling. Don't get any spit on the upholstery."

Sehun doesn't need telling twice. Within seconds, he is practically throwing himself into the passenger seat and moaning excitedly when he takes in the fancy interior. Somehow the car is even prettier on the inside. He's left truly speechless at its beauty, clenching his fists tightly to stave the urge to stroke the dashboard lovingly.

Junmyeon watches all of this in amusement, lips quirked into a smile.

"Sweet, huh?"

The younger man nods wordlessly, his stupefied expression gives it all away.

Junmyeon expertly reverses out of the parking space and they are soon smoothly cruising down the street. Sehun reverently admires the smoothness of the drive, the quiet purr of the engine and the immaculate sound system which is quietly playing a popular ballad from Junmyeon's favourite playlist. Sehun has become quite accustomed to his boss' music tastes over the past few months. He has even secretly added a few of the better songs onto his own playlist though he would never admit this.

"How were your family?" Questions Junmyeon politely.

"Good," Sehun nods, subtly stroking the seat underneath him. He does so in short, sharp motions that Junmyeon cannot quite catch in his peripheral vision. He doesn't want to be reprimanded for it. "Yours?"

"The usual," the older man says mysteriously, subsequently heightening Sehun's nerves. Like he can detect this, he briefly takes his eyes off the road to look at the younger man though he can't tell behind the dark glasses. "It will be fine. They'll really like you. You're just the type of person they get along with."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're smart, witty and can hold a good conversation," shrugs Junmyeon. "It's just me you're unbearable with."

"You haven't told them that, right?"

"Even if I did they'd just think it was funny. But no. That's our thing to share, not theirs."

Sehun nods slowly, absorbing the words and trying to fathom what to make of them. In the end, he decides that Junmyeon is right. He too quite likes sharing something private between them. It makes it all the more special.

"You know, I don't actually know a lot about your family." Sehun turns his head to fully study his boss' side profile. It really is unfair for a straight man to be so beautiful. And to be Sehun's boss. And for Sehun to dislike him.

Kind of. Maybe not so much anymore.

Junmyeon lifts one shoulder up in a casual shrug. "We're not that close. When I was a kid they were always working so I never saw a lot of them. Then when I grew up I became independent and started my career early."

"Oh." Sehun doesn't know what to say. He can't imagine growing up and not being close to his family. The first thing he would do after school is rush home and tell his mother all about his day, and then regale the story to his father and brother over dinner. Whatever misgivings he may sometimes have about his own family, he loves them dearly and considers himself lucky they have such a good bond. "That's sad."

"It is what it is. I don't know any different so I can't deduce exactly how sad it is."

"So why are you exactly going back today?"

"Obligations. Expectations. Because it's what other families do and we have to do something normal like that. I probably won't see a lot of them over Christmas."

"Well..." begins Sehun, looking out of the window to ease the blow of what he is about to say. "You could probably come to our place for Christmas if you have nowhere else to go."

He doesn't see how wide the smile stretches across the older man's face.

"Thank you," he says softly. "That means a lot."

"It's nothing. They're all in love with you anyway. Everyone is," Sehun mutters the last part to himself.

Not him, obviously. He's immune to Kim Junmyeon's charms by now. The offer is just returning the favour, that's all.

***

The majority of the car ride is spent in silence with the occasional squabble over who gets to control the AUX cord. Sehun argues it should be him since Junmyeon should focus on driving, whereas the older man protests that it's his car therefore they should listen to his music. In the end he caves to Sehun's whim. He always does.

It's not that he minds Sehun's music choices, in fact the younger man actually has good taste, but Junmyeon isn't going to go down with a fight; whining over every song Sehun selects and telling him all the reasons why he thinks it's bad. His reverse psychology doesn't work. Sehun doesn't relinquish his hold on the AUX cord. Then again, Junmyeon didn't really expect him to. He just likes listening to Sehun whine like a baby, watching his lips pucker up in an adorable pout that looks remarkably like a chick's beak. Even after months of working together Junmyeon finds out new things about Sehun every day. He locks away the memory of Sehun's pout in his mind.

Sehun also stores some of his own information. Like the way that Junmyeon prefers slower, RnB songs compared to the upbeat, EDM pop music Sehun is so fond of. After all, opposites attract.

They arrive at Junmyeon's parents after fifty minutes, not making bad timing at all. When they pull up outside of the wrought iron gates protecting the estate, Sehun is tenfold more amazed than he was when he saw the Lamborghini.

If Sehun's childhood home could be considered moderately big then Junmyeon's could be described as immense. The front lawn alone is larger than Sehun's parents' whole property- probably his whole family's- combined.

Driving up the gravel drive, Sehun tries hard not to press his face against the car window to ogle at the hedges lining the drive. He spots a tennis court in between the foliage, almost certain he catches a glimpse of a blue swimming pool at the back of the white mansion.

A huge, ornate fountain sits in the middle of the circular driveway. It dutifully bubbles out crystal clear water, Sehun notices there are colourful flashes of gold and orange in the fountain too. Upon closer inspection, he realises there are hordes of koi carp rising to the surface in hope he is going to feed them.

Already in the driveway there is a sleek Mazerati which Sehun guesses belongs to Junmyeon's brother. Adjacent to the house is a huge, futuristic-looking garage which Sehun assumes contains his parent's fleet of cars. He wonders what exact models they have hidden away in there. A Mercedes for sure. Probably some kind of Ferrari or Tesla. Something that will dwarf Junmyeon's car anyway. So far, everything about the Kim estate seems much more lavish than Junmyeon's lifestyle. Sehun can't fathom why he'd want to leave this all behind and start his own career. Would it not be enough to eke off of his family forever?

Then he remembers what Junmyeon told him about not being close to his parents, suddenly it all begins to make so much more sense.

"Do I look okay?" Sehun asks worriedly once they mount the pristine steps to the front door.

Junmyeon rolls his eyes. "You look like a runway model. You always do. Are you ready to go in now?"

He's not, and if it were up to Sehun he'd turn tail, run away and never look back. The nerves are so bad they threaten to cease all breathing altogether. His breaths come out laboured and ragged, obviously palpable.

Without thinking, Junmyeon takes his hand and gives it a reassuring squeeze. His palm feels just as clammy as Sehun's. He knocks once on the door of his family home, before stepping inside and gently pulling Sehun in behind him.

Chapter 18: Chapter Eighteen

The foyer of the Kim house is like a dream. Sehun feels like he's stepped straight into an interior design catalogue. It's bigger than his apartment in its entirety. It is all open, airy and spacious, made completely out of white marble that gleams in the low afternoon light. So pristine that it's almost blinding. Two staircases curve around and ascend onto the upper level of the house, framed by black, wrought bannisters much like the gate leading to the estate.

There is a heavy scent of cleaning products, expensive cologne and, much to Sehun's relief, the familiar smell of cooking. Youngyang chaltteok if he is not mistaken, a luxury they did not have at their own Chuseok earlier on.

In his state of utter astonishment, Sehun realises his hand is still clasped into Junmyeon's. Normally he would mind, but he lets it slide this once; evidently they both need as much moral support as each other. He'd feel harsh ripping his hand away, not when Junmyeon is squeezing onto it like a lifeline. Has he been this nervous all day or is it just Sehun's presence that's suddenly made him so anxious?

A loud laugh pierces through the echoing narthex. Junmyeon stiffens slightly, already on edge.

"Come on," he mutters. "They'll be in the lounge."

They take off their shoes and slide into slippers which are waiting for them by the door. Sehun's are slightly too small but it's okay. He's definitely not going to complain when he can tell his boss is so on edge. It would be cruel. There is a time and place for jokes, now is not appropriate.

Their footsteps echo loudly through the cavernous house. Junmyeon leads him down a labyrinth of white marble corridors, the smell of cooking becomes headier the deeper into the house they traverse. Sehun, who previously thought he was full of his mother's own cooking, has to clutch at his stomach to stop it rumbling intrusively. This would not be the best first impression to make on the Kim's.

Suddenly, muffled voices come from behind the closed door they are standing in front of. Junmyeon drops Sehun's hand, wiping his sweaty palm on his trousers and inhaling deeply. If he wasn't so aware of his own rapid heartbeat, Sehun would assume Junmyeon was more nervous than him.

Before the older man reaches out for the doorknob, Sehun quickly squeezes his shoulder in his own imitation of a reassuring gesture. Giving Junmyeon a weak, encouraging smile, the older man pushes open the door.

Sehun is holding his breath the whole time he glances around the room. Utterly lavish, white decor, sleek furniture, an enormous television mounted on the wall (bigger than Junmyeon's) accompanied by the most high-tech sound system available, but the crowning feature of the lounge is the futuristic fireplace that looks like a chrome tube.

The extremely beautiful family occupying the space only adds to the appeal of the room.

The woman, whom Sehun can only presume is Junmyeon's mother, leaps up from the leather sofa and hurries over with surprising speed in her stilettos. Sehun thinks of his own mother in her comfortable slippers or loafer and feels a tug in his chest.

"Hello!" She greets him with a warm smile. "You must be Sehun! Welcome, welcome! It's so good to meet you!"

Sehun bows lowly. "Thank you for having me, Mrs Kim. It's a pleasure to meet you. You have a very beautiful home." 

She beams with pride as if she already didn't know this fact. "You're far too kind! We're more than happy to have you. Junmyeon doesn't make a habit of inviting his staff round. Did you have nowhere else to go?"

Sehun maintains a fixed smile. "Something like that."

"Well, either way, we're happy to have you," she smiles. "I can't believe how handsome you are! Isn't he handsome, Jaesuk?"

Presumably Junmyeon's father nods in agreement. "Very handsome," he agrees.

Sehun, who has become accustomed to these observations over his lifetime doesn't flush like a normal person would. "You're almost as beautiful as your house, Mrs Kim."

"Goodness!" She flushes, then giggles girlishly. Sehun can tell she has been drinking. "So polite too! You lucked out here, Junmyeon."

Junmyeon sounds slightly wistful. "Don't I know it."

"Come, sit down, Sehun." Mrs Kim waves him over to the sofa with a perfectly manicured hand. "Have a drink. What would you like? We have any alcohol you can think of. It's not a problem."

"I'll have what you're having, please." Sehun lowers himself slowly onto the sofa, terrified his black trousers will leave some kind of mark on it. Discreetly, Junmyeon gently tugs him down by the back of his blazer. The older man is so snug to his side that their knees bump together awkwardly.

Kim Jaesuk picks up the crystal decanter on the glass side table and pours Sehun a quart of deep amber liquid. Mrs Kim hands it over like the perfect host, while Junmyeon's father tells him the origins of the whiskey, how old it is and what it is best paired with. Sehun listens with rapt attention, but all he can think of in the back of his mind is 'how boring'.

"Dad," Junmyeon's brother rolls his eyes. "He doesn't want to be bored by your alcohol stories. None of us do."

Sehun makes quick eye contact with Junmyeon's brother, flashing him the briefest of smiles. Eunsang seems to understand, tilting his own glass slightly in acknowledgement.

"Tell us a little about yourself, Sehun," Mrs Kim says, watching him expectantly. They all are. Sehun takes a sip of whiskey to calm his nerves, surprised at the oaky, delicious taste. Whiskey is usually something he drinks out of necessity to get drunk, never knowing it could taste this good.

"There isn't much to tell I'm afraid," he says modestly. "Outside of work I'm not a very interesting person."

"I don't believe that for a second!" She protests. "Your whole world can't revolve around Junmyeon."

Her statement is meant to be funny, but the more Sehun dwells on it, the more he realises just how true it actually is.

They probably don't want to hear that though.

"Sehun used to be a dancer!" Junmyeon interjects, smiling up at him in encouragement.

"Amazing!" His mother smiles.

"Used to be?" Eunsang reiterates, earning a nudge from his mother. "Did you stop to work with Junmyeon?"

"Uh... well, not exactly," says Sehun, trying to keep his cool. Mercifully his face hasn't heated up yet or blushed. "It was just... circumstances."

Jaesuk nods wisely. "That's not surprising. The entertainment industry is saturated with choreographers and dancers and there aren't many places."

Sehun nods, grateful that he took the words out of his mouth. "Exactly. That wasn't something I knew when I started. I wish someone had told me though. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, right?" 

The Kim's laugh, apparently charmed by his comment. Sehun's shoulders start to relax, this isn't so bad after all. Surprisingly, Junmyeon's family are not as terrifying as he had initially expected; they are a lot friendlier than expected. He assumed they would interrogate him relentlessly, being rude when they weren't satisfied with an answer; it couldn't be further from the truth. He wouldn't be as ridiculous to say it feels like he belongs here- with Junmyeon- but he's certainly more comfortable than anticipated.

"It turned out okay," Sehun continues, nodding in Junmyeon's direction. "I got to work with Jun."

While his family coo over the sickeningly sweet comment, Junmyeon is watching the younger man with an extremely touched smile on his visage. He resists the urge to reach out and rest his hand upon his knee, yet knows now isn't the right time. Whether Sehun was saying it to get a reaction out of his family or said it because he truly meant it, Junmyeon is choosing to believe it's the latter.

"He isn't a total pain in the ass to work with, then?" Questions Eunsang. "He definitely was to grow up with."

Sehun pulls a face. "I didn't say that. Working for him is better than living on the streets, especially this time of year."

More laughter. Eunsang winks at Sehun, causing him to flush slightly with pride. Despite the odds, he's actually managing to rub shoulders with the elite; something he thought he would never be able to do, not only because he didn't know anyone so high up in the social hierarchy but because he assumed they would hate him for being below them. Perhaps Sehun is a better actor than his boss.

Junmyeon forces a grim smile that looks completely out of place with his blank eyes, trying to find the humour in the joke but failing. He should've known it was only a matter of time before Sehun's barbed tongue emerged. The saccharine moments never last.

Junmyeon doesn't mind being the butt of a joke, especially amongst friends, just not amongst his family whom he knows already treat him like a fool. They are putting up a captivating front in his company, but Junmyeon hardly recognises them; they're going so overboard. He doesn't know these people at all.

He doesn't want to ruin the illusion in front of Sehun. If he can't tell he's being played already then more fool him.

Part of Junmyeon knew that bringing him here would be a bad idea, fully knowing that his family would take advantage of it and use it as an opportunity to pick Junmyeon apart; passing it off under the guise of a joke but their words holding the truth. Were him and his family close then Junmyeon wouldn't mind, it's not that he can't take a joke; he just doesn't like them being made at his expense by people he hardly knows.

Despite all this, deep down in his heart he's glad he brought Sehun along. He can withstand the jibes and mockery if it means him and his assistant become closer. Which, if he's not mistaken, Junmyeon has felt a slight shift between them. It wasn't his plan to lure Sehun into his arms by bringing him home to his family, but there is a certain intimacy in his actions that can't be overlooked- not even by the younger man.

Junmyeon isn't deluded- at least he doesn't think he is. He felt Sehun's tender hand resting upon his shoulder before they entered the lounge, felt his hand tightening around his when he was searching for reassurance.

No, Junmyeon isn't trying to trap Sehun into having feelings for him. But if things happen to progress...

He doesn't know why he's even agonising over this. The likelihood of Sehun ever seeing past his exterior and falling for him is nigh-on impossible. It's a nice pipe dream, a pleasant fancy that he turns over in his mind during the quiet moments, yet that is all it will ever be. Junmyeon knows better than to get his hopes up like this. Him and Sehun will stumble along in their own awkward, slightly sexually tense, manner and then one day Sehun will leave and Junmyeon will forget all about him. Just like he does with everyone else. He will look back in the future and not even be able to remember his assistant's name. Junmyeon's staff is always rotating. Just what makes him think Sehun is the exception?

He's not. Which is why he must be held at arm's length.

So why can't Junmyeon ever get this into his mind? He chants it like a mantra constantly, yet he never wants to act on it.

What can he say? He's always been a dreamer. Always tried to see the best in people. For the rest of him and Sehun's time together there will always be the slither of hope that Junmyeon can change his mind.

If he thinks like this then his crush on his assistant becomes easier to handle.

"Do you want to look around?" Junmyeon asks him quietly as Jaesuk begins talking to his wife about something to do with work. Sehun was about to ask what he did before his boss stopped him.

"Sure." They both stand up, Junmyeon politely excusing them before leaving the lounge and closing the door softly behind him. Truthfully, Sehun has been dying for a guided tour ever since he laid eyes on the mansion.

Junmyeon takes him into the kitchen first, offering him some of the food that has been laid out on the big kitchen island. Despite only having four people in the house, the sheer amount of food is much more than Sehun's own family had.

Trying to show manners, Sehun only picks at the food and stops himself from stuffing his face and making a fool of himself. While the dishes are not as authentic as the ones his mother made, they're still delicious. Junmyeon tells them, like he didn't already know, that it was made by their family chef. Sehun rolls his eyes and calls him a spoiled brat, though sneaking a few more handfuls.

Junmyeon bends down and starts to pat his thighs, whistling through his teeth and clicking his tongue. Just as Sehun is raising his eyebrows in confusion, something round and pink comes darting from the lump of blankets in the corner of the kitchen. With a gasp, Sehun takes a step back and recoils in horror at the streak of fur whizzing past him.

"What is that?"

Junmyeon scoops up what he now recognises as a dog into his arms, standing up at full height. Sehun watches it warily, taking in its slightly dishevelled appearance. Just by looking into its slightly milky eyes he can tell it's an old dog. It only occurs to him now that he had no idea Junmyeon even owned a dog.

"It's Byul," pouts Junmyeon, looking offended. "Can you give Sehun a kiss, Byul?"

Sehun grimaces. "I-I'm okay." He reaches out to pat her small head, squealing slightly when she licks his hand. He isn't used to dogs, never having one when he was growing up. They didn't have any pets in his household due to his brother's allergy to fur. Sehun never thought he was missing out, yet looking at the way Junmyeon so tenderly holds the geriatric dog, he begins to rethink this notion.

"She likes you!" Grins Junmyeon. "She's wagging her tail!"

Sehun, emboldened by this, slowly strokes down her weirdly shiny and sleek pink fur. He doesn't think this is at all normal for dogs, but judging by the way Junmyeon is looking at her in adoration, he knows it's not the right time to push it. He doesn't want to offend the dog or the owner. He makes an offhand comment about her being cute, which makes Junmyeon glow with pleasure. He then talks to the dog in a weird, high-pitched baby voice that makes Sehun's inside squirm and not in an entirely pleasant way.

"Please never talk to your future kids like that."

"Like what, Sehunnie?" Junmyeon continues, making it even worse to annoy him. "This is how I talk to babies."

"Junmyeon, that dog looks older than you. It's not a baby."

"Sehun is a baby, isn't he?" Junmyeon talks directly to the dog now. "Yes. He's a big baby who never stops whining, isn't he?"

Sehun stares at his boss with a flat expression, unsure how to even process this madness. Maybe it's because he's not a pet owner so he doesn't fully understand the obvious joy people get out of talking to their animals in such a manner.

All he knows is that Junmyeon looks incredibly dumb.

"We should probably hurry this tour up," the older man says. "Or my parents will wonder where we are."

"The house is so big they'd need to call a search party."

Junmyeon chuckles yet says nothing. Something tells Sehun he didn't really find it funny in the first place, judging by the tired look in his eyes.

As they are leaving the kitchen, Sehun turns to him and says, "Are you going to carry that rat around the whole time?"

"Sehun!" Junmyeon looks incredibly wounded.

"What is it then?"

"She's my precious little baby! Isn't that right, princess?"

"Ugh," Sehun mutters under his breath. "Dog people are the worst."

***

As expected, Sehun is blown away by the interior of Junmyeon's family home. The colour and decor scheme is consistent throughout the whole house; white, marble, spacious and airy with lots of windows to let the light in. It's very minimalistic and chic, much like Junmyeon's own apartment which is where he must've garnered inspiration from. The whole while Junmyeon is showing him around, he thinks back to his own cramped, cluttered apartment and hot waves of shame roll through his insides. Just the thought of Junmyeon seeing the hovel that he lives in makes him want to puke up all the expensive food he just ate.

Fortunately an incident where that is possible will never occur, so he starts to relax slightly.

The downstairs of the house is mainly dedicated to Junmyeon's father's many offices, a security room where one wall is completely made up of CCTV cameras. Sehun peers into the monitors to see what Junmyeon's family are doing, but they're just talking and drinking how they left them. Living like this, Sehun supposes Junmyeon became quickly adjusted to being in front of a camera, certainly making the right career choice. He feels ashamed that his heart is tugging with empathy. He never pities spoiled brats, especially insufferable rich boys like Junmyeon.

And yet...

The image of Junmyeon's sad eyes in the kitchen haunt him. They occupy his mind, causing him to drift out when Junmyeon is talking to him about the architecture of the house and which interior designers they hired to furnish it.

Though Sehun would never admit it aloud, the closer he gets to Junmyeon, the more he realises his boss is all right. Really, he could (and has) work for someone much worse. He counts himself lucky that he and Junmyeon have such a good working relationship, if not a little unusual.

Sehun finds the second floor much more interesting. Junmyeon shows him around his mother's art studio, filled to the brim of expensive and interesting-looking art and some of her own works which are spectacular. Sheepishly, when Sehun asks about it, Junmyeon admits that the artistic gene must have skipped over him and his brother; that he draws like a pelican with a pencil in its mouth. Sehun too shares the same sentiment. He doesn't possess an artistic bone in his body, expressing his individualism through other means. Like snark and smart-assed comments.

Considering only four people lived in the house at it's most full, there are double the amount of bedrooms needed and then some. Along with numerous bathrooms and an abundance of dressing rooms. Sehun wonders what the Kim family do with all this extra space, then realises that they probably don't see it that way. They're so privileged they will just assume people should have twice the amount of bedrooms than what is needed. It's not about practicality with these people, it's about prestige and who can afford the biggest, most lavish house. Sehun has been out of his depth with these people ever since the moment he stepped foot into the house. Coming here was a mistake.

The last room Junmyeon shows him is right at the very end of the hallway that seems to stretch on for eternity. It's like an optical illusion, the closer they seem to the door the further away they actually are. However, they reach the end eventually and Junmyeon seems rather hesitant to reveal whatever is inside. So far Sehun has seen the bedrooms, gyms, a library, his brother's old playroom (bigger than Sehun's apartment), Junmyeon's old study (what does a kid need with a study?) and various other rooms that were vacant because they obviously didn't know what to fill them with. 

With a resigned sigh, Junmyeon nudges the door open and reveals the inside of the room. It takes Sehun a few seconds to realise that he is standing in Junmyeon's childhood bedroom.

Without a doubt it's the most homely room in the whole house. Despite Junmyeon not having lived here for over a decade, it looks well-lived in and there is an air of comfort about the place. Tacked onto the otherwise spotless white walls are an abundance of music posters, vinyl records and famous movie posters. Interestingly, Sehun notices there is not a single poster of a woman which is almost a given in any straight boy's bedroom. His mom must've taken them down when he left home.

If Sehun did not know who the bedroom belonged to, he would assume it was occupied by a quiet, thoughtful art student; probably studying film or cinematography. Knowing that all of this belongs to Junmyeon leaves him feeling wrong-footed and strange. The Junmyeon he knows now is not at all like the young boy who owned this room. They're two different people entirely. Fame must have changed him beyond recognition.

Besides the indie posters, the bedroom is otherwise normal- or as normal as a bedroom in this house can be. A large king-sized bed is pressed into the corner, right by the large bay windows which lead out onto a small balcony. Underneath the balcony is the pool, in the horizon is the endless stretch of property that belongs to the Kim's, extending as far as the eye can see. Sehun notes that this is extremely Parisian, not something he can typically see a boy appreciating.

At the far end of the room is a polished, dark-wood desk with lots of drawers and a fancy, raised stand to write or put your laptop on. It's cleared of any possessions apart from a small snow globe, completely spotless without a spot of dust. Cautiously, glancing over at Junmyeon for possession, Sehun picks up the snow globe and turns it over in his hands. It's from Beijing.

Sehun continues to tiptoe around while Junmyeon stands in the doorway, still cradling Byul who has long since fallen asleep. He's watching Sehun almost as warily as the younger man feels. Yet he hasn't stopped him snooping around which he takes as a good sign.

He inspects the large bookshelf on the opposite wall, so tall it touches the ceiling and is twice as wide as Sehun. Bending down to get a better look, Sehun peers at the titles to try and gauge a better estimation of Junmyeon. You can tell a lot about people by their choice of literature. While Sehun was never a big reader himself in school, judging by the sheer volume of books on the shelf, Junmyeon was.

The idea of a nerdy little Junmyeon with big glasses (which Sehun knows he used to wear when he was a kid, Junmyeon showed him the family photos on the stairway) studiously poring over books seems so surreal.

Sehun, who previously thought he knew everything there was to know about Junmyeon, now realises he hasn't even scratched the surface.

Surprisingly, most of it is simply textbooks from high school or childish literature. Further up the bookcase, along the top shelves, it is stacked with colourful manga books of every variation and title possible.

"You read manga?" Sehun chuckles. "What a nerd."

"It's not nerdy!" The older man exclaims, sounded offended.

"So a little Junmyeon really studied and played here?"

"Yep. Cried myself to sleep in that bed every night." He glances at Sehun's concerned face. "Joke."

"You know," the younger man says quietly. "I can't ever imagine you being a kid."

Junmyeon shrugs. "We all were once."

With a frown, Sehun straightens up to look at him. Immediately he can feel the tension between them, one that has been apparent all afternoon but has only reached a crescendo now.

"Is something wrong?"

Before he answers, Junmyeon hesitates. He looks visibly torn, considering whether to tell Sehun what is truly wrong before giving his head a small shake. Instead, he just gives his head a minuscule shake, thinking better of it at the last minute.

"I don't have a lot of happy memories here, that's all."

Sehun is surprised by the rawness of his voice. He's never sounded this vulnerable before. Most of the time, even when things are bothering him, he maintains a façade to prevent people from ever knowing how he's truly feeling. The fact he's letting his guard down in front of Sehun speaks volumes. He just doesn't see it.

"Oh." Sehun shifts awkwardly on his feet. "Do you want to leave?"

"It's okay. It's once a year, right?"

The younger man pulls a face. "You shouldn't put yourself through something if it's upsetting you."

"It's fine," Junmyeon turns away, determined not to meet his eye. "It was a whole different life. I'll get over it."

Sehun doesn't have the heart to call him an overly-sensitive spoiled brat, that living in such luxury how could his life really have been so traumatic? Yet the words don't even get the chance to die on his tongue. As soon as he thinks them, Sehun is immediately pushing these thoughts away. He finds himself pitying Junmyeon to such an extent that he can't even find the heart to tease him about it. The older man seems so genuinely distraught that it doesn't seem right.

Walking over to his boss, Sehun gently pats him on his shoulder and offers him a smile, tilting his head slightly. Only now does Junmyeon muster the courage to look at him, his heart beating worryingly fast when they make eye contact.

"We should go. Thanks for showing me around though, Junmyeon. Means a lot."

Junmyeon nods wordlessly, momentarily forgetting his distress and blindly following his assistant. Like he's stuck in a trance.

"Before I go back down there, what do your parents actually do for work? I want to ask questions to be polite but I can't because I don't know."

Junmyeon's father is the second CEO of an entertainment company that grooms and prepares young children into becoming superstars, thrusting them into an industry they don't understand until it's too late. Junmyeon always longed to be one of them; watching them enviously in their practise rooms, admiring their model good-looks and intimidating, elegant auras. Growing up, being an idol was all he ever cared about- there was no other career for him, no other job he could put his mind to. The dream was quickly shattered when his father put his foot down and said he'd never become an idol if he had anything to do with it. Mr Kim knew the trials and tribulations those kids went through; witnessed it firsthand, had been there to dry their tears after difficult evaluations, had been the villain to send them home. He'd never let his son become involved in something so cutthroat.

So a young and dejected Junmyeon turned to acting. In his mind it was the next best thing. He signed himself up for the drama club in his flashy middle school, quickly becoming one of the rising stars. During high school, he was president of the drama department and did numerous other extra-curricular activities that involved acting. Due to his father's extensive networks, small advertising jobs came easy to him; then when his portfolio began growing, small roles in movies and television series were offered to him. By the time he was nineteen, he was playing the love interest in a popular rom-com. At twenty two, he landed his first minor role in a drama. The rest is history.

Junmyeon supposes he never really got over this.

Whereas his mother, Minji, is a retired sociology professor from a prestigious women's university. She retired a decade early, but really she didn't have to work another day in her life when she married Jaesuk. She did it to fill the days in- out of pure boredom. For a mother who was usually always around the house, Junmyeon never really saw a lot of her growing up.

Eunsang, as the oldest, followed his father's footsteps and worked at the company as soon as he graduated university with his business and economics degree. Always Jaesuk's favourite, his eldest son now works as the head of the financial department of the entertainment company; him and a whole team of accountants control the purse strings and, in turn, keep them afloat.

Really, there is no wonder both of his parents are much more proud of Eunsang than of him.

They were never supportive of his decision to go into acting and theatre, trying to dissuade him and send him down the same path as his brother so the whole Kim family could control the company. Junmyeon, who has always been detached from them, couldn't think of anything worse and wanted independence as soon as it was offered to him. It was the best thing he ever did.

Obviously Junmyeon doesn't go into this much detail when regaling it all to Sehun, he simply outlines the basics and subtly suggests the right questions to ask, questions that will intrigue his father and make them like him even more. Junmyeon is surprised at how much they like his assistant already. Then again, Sehun has the ability to make anyone fall in love with him instantaneously with his dry humour and cold charm.

There is a certain irony to his family liking Sehun more than him, something he doesn't want to delve into at this minute in time.

His family greet them excitedly when they return, Jaesuk offers to refill Sehun's half-empty glass straightaway and Sehun is too polite to decline. Junmyeon turns down the offer because he is driving, not that he would want to accept anything from his father anyway.

"So, Mr Kim, Junmyeon was telling me about your job..."

And that's it. With those mere words, Junmyeon has completely lost Sehun.

***

A few hours later, once darkness has fallen, everybody in the lounge has become progressively more drunk. Junmyeon is the only sober one, compulsively stroking Byul to try and ease his nerves. He doesn't want his family to say anything foolish in their intoxicated states, though Sehun seems pretty tipsy himself. It's a tense time, considering both parties can become hostile when they have been drinking. Junmyeon knows he would take Sehun's side whatever happened.

In his slightly inebriated state, Sehun keeps subconsciously leaning into Junmyeon or patting his arm like he's some kind of dog. He's ashamed to admit he doesn't mind this in the slightest. In fact, he leans into Sehun's touch and cautiously, lightly, rests his head upon the taller man's shoulder. He doesn't seem to notice, too absorbed in a conversation with Eunsang about a nightclub the two of them regularly frequent. Junmyeon refers to these as 'normal people places', places where he cannot go for his own privacy and protection.

From the corner of his eye, Junmyeon notices that Sehun's cheeks have become slightly flushed, red spots blooming on his cheekbones. In this low light, glowing with life, Junmyeon thinks he is the most beautiful person he has ever laid eyes on.

As always, these thoughts are paired with a sickening crunching feeling right in the cavern of his stomach, so palpable he has to bend over slightly to try and ease it. It's only worse around his parents, the people most oblivious to his sexual orientation. They will always be in the dark about this. Even if Junmyeon does ever find the nerve to come out to people, he will never tell them. They're the only people on the planet who can't know.

After all they are the ones who instilled such values in him.

From then on, Junmyeon tries to avoid looking at the man sitting next to him; putting a blockade between them to keep them apart at all costs.

Somehow, they get onto the topic of Junmyeon and his youth, even though he has been sitting quietly and trying to avoid any word said about them. No matter how desperately he tries to divert the question and deflect onto his brother, his mom won't hear of it.

"He was just the cutest baby, Sehun," she coos. "And he was such an angel too! He never caused problems at school. He was always locked away in his room and never really saw anyone."

Instead of looking at Minji, Sehun is staring at Junmyeon. "Really?"

"Yes. All the mothers at his elementary school would say how much they envied me for having a boy like him." She pats her son's knee, it's the most contact they've had in years.

While Junmyeon is the actor in the family, his mother is giving him a run for his money.

"He wanted to be an idol more than anything," Jaesuk intervenes with a hefty sigh, like it pains him to even say it aloud. "I forbade it obviously. I vowed no son of mine would ever go into the entertainment industry. And what does he do? Goes and becomes an actor!"

Sehun looks at him with such an intensity that it feels like they're the only two people in the room.

"You wanted to be an idol?"

"He didn't tell you?" Eunsang sounds surprised. "It was all he ever wanted! He used to lock himself up in his room and learn all these dances and songs for his audition. He never got to have one though." He chuckles. It's not a pleasant sound.

"No..." Sehun's voice trails off. "I-I never knew."

"It's embarrassing admitting your childhood fantasies, right?" Junmyeon tries to salvage the situation, unable to bear how crestfallen Sehun looks. "You wanted to be an astronaut and I wanted to be an idol. Both unrealistic and stupid."

"If I wasn't so tall I would have been one," Sehun rebuts, sounding so certain that Junmyeon believes him. "I guess a dancer was more far-fetched."

They share a bitter smile. This is perhaps one of the first times they have been utterly on the same wavelength.

"You know, Sehun, you're the first person Junmyeon has brought home in years," Minji casually remarks, taking a sip of her red wine. Sehun is forcing down his own glass even though every swallow makes him want to vomit.

"Really? I'm honoured then."

"The last person was... oh it was so long ago I don't remember. Kyungsoo? Yoona?"

Jaesuk clicks his fingers in realisation. "Yoona! Of course. How is she these days? Do you still talk to her?"

"Ah," Junmyeon rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. "Not really. We're both busy."

Minji tuts. "That's a shame. I really liked her. She was my favourite of your girlfriends."

Sehun ignores the feeling of ice flooding in his veins, trying not to give away any signs of discomfort upon his countenance. He fights to keep his expression neutral, studying his wine glass like it's the most interesting thing in the world, wishing he was a million miles away from here.

Obviously he knows Junmyeon has had girlfriends in the past, yet he has never disclosed any kind of information about them- or even mentioned them. Hearing his parents talk about it is a little jarring.

"She's so pretty," his mother continues, sighing wistfully. "No wonder she became a model. I think I saw her on W the other month."

"Yes, that was her," mumbles Junmyeon, looking down at the floor.

"She was too good for you, Jun," jokes Eunsang, causing a ripple of laughter amongst his family. Neither Sehun nor Junmyeon find it amusing.

"Haven't I heard that one before."

"You should get in touch with her again," Minji persists. "It'd do you good. Who knows, maybe you'll get back together? She was so upset when you broke up with her. I bet she'd want to give it another chance."

Junmyeon laughs uneasily. What nobody but himself knows is that he broke up with her once he realised there was a possibility he could be gay. He didn't want to lead her on and live a lie, so he decided it would be best if he broke up with her and simply cut his losses. They dated for just over a year, so it was hardly a serious relationship; though it may have escalated had he not ended it. Yoona would visit his mother regularly afterwards, often ending up crying and telling her how unfair Junmyeon had been; which subsequently ended up with Minji desperately appealing to her son to change his mind- never understanding why he threw such a good thing away in the first place.

By now Junmyeon had hoped he would realise that whatever he was going through back then was just a phase; a triad of confusion, hormones and sexual experimentation. Unfortunately things have not been going to plan. And it is all because of the man sat beside him.

Sehun, on the other hand, feels wildly uncomfortable. Like an outsider, looking in through a window at their conversation and feeling totally lost. And, if he is totally honest, a little bit hurt. Hurt that Junmyeon didn't tell him and hurt at the mere thought of Junmyeon having a girlfriend; holding her, kissing her gently, whispering sweet nothings in her ear and twining together under the sheets.

He gives his head a small shake, desperately trying to eradicate these evil thoughts before they can manifest into something worse. He doesn't want to hear about Junmyeon's heterosexual exploits. More than anything, they are utterly boring.

As if she can read his thoughts, Minji turns to him. "What about you, Sehun? Do you have a girlfriend? A fiancé?"

Junmyeon shoots him a worried look, gnawing his lip anxiously. Sehun has been deflecting questions like this since high school, it doesn't bother him in the slightest. He isn't ashamed of being gay, but he feels like for Junmyeon's sake it's better to omit this information.

"No. Like Junmyeon, I'm too busy to settle down at the minute. But really, I don't think it's the be all and end all whether Junmyeon is dating or not. I mean, he's such an amazingly talented actor who is so successful people should focus on that instead of whether he's got a girlfriend or not. It's far more interesting. He's a great person- much more than just his dating history."

"We never suggested he wasn't," Jaesuk says, rather coldly. Junmyeon cringes at his tone. Sehun seems unperturbed.

"Maybe not, but that's how it sounded to me. So far I haven't heard anyone say one good thing about Junmyeon, when I know for a fact there are too many to list. You don't seem bothered about him as a person, you seem to care more about his career. Which is weird because he's your son. And he's one of the best people I know. You must not realise how lucky you are to have him."

It's hard to discern who is most shocked by Sehun's words. He takes a casual sip of wine, feeling pleased with himself for finally silencing the Kim family. They've become quite unbearable over the past couple of hours. They needed putting in their place. He also felt the feral urge to defend his boss. Nobody else but Sehun is allowed to scorn him. If they do, he becomes wildly protective over him for some reason.

Without a word, Junmyeon stands up and grabs Sehun's wrist, yanking him upright too. Sehun places the wineglass on the table before hurrying after him, aware of every set of eyes in the room burning into the back of his neck. Instead of being abashed at his outburst, he's brimming with glee. Even if it does mean Junmyeon is going to subject him to a harangue.

The older man slams the kitchen door shut behind him, leaning against it and crossing his arms over his chest. His eyes are completely unreadable, undeniably bright and with an unusual gleam in the dark brow irises. Sehun thinks he's angry. Though he doesn't think he's made a mistake, he will act kowtowed in front of his boss yet he won't feel any remorse.

Sehun hangs his head in faux shame, steeling himself for whatever is about to come.

"Thank you," Junmyeon exhales, looking up at him with big, adoring eyes.

Sehun's expression remains neutral, though his mind is racing in confusion. "What for?"

"For sticking up for me in front of my family."

"That isn't what I was doing," he grumbles. "I was just... telling the truth."

The hug catches him by surprise. Junmyeon throws himself into his torso, wrapping his strong arms around his waist and squeezing him so tightly that it actually knocks the breath out of his lungs. Awkwardly, Sehun reaches up and pats his boss in between the shoulder blades, still unsure whether this is all a ruse and he's about to get hit over the back of the head with a pan.

Still clinging onto him, Junmyeon leans back slightly so he can look up at Sehun's face. To his mild horror, Sehun realises there are unshed tears shining in the small man's eyes. That is what the gleam must have been.

"No one has ever stuck up for me like that before," he says, voice so soft Sehun wouldn't be able to hear him if he wasn't in such close proximity.

Sehun frowns. "That can't be true. You're Kim Junmyeon. Everyone adores you."

I think I'm starting too as well.

Junmyeon doesn't reply, simply falling back into Sehun's chest and sniffling slightly. Is he really that moved by Sehun defending him; by one person when he has millions of fans who do it for him on a daily basis. Does it really mean that much to him?

Do  I  mean that much to him?

Sehun wraps his arms around Junmyeon, recognising that he needs a hug more than anything right now. It seems like the best thing to do, right? Sehun's never been fond of physical affection nor does he enjoy comforting people, yet feels like Junmyeon needs it. Sometimes you forget strong people need time to heal too.

They stand like this for a prolonged amount of time, in silence with only the sound of their breathing, their hearts quickly beating against each other. With a soft sigh, Junmyeon relaxes and practically turns into putty in Sehun's arms. There is an uncomfortable hotness swirling in the pits of his stomach. He puts it down to the liquor he has consumed.

I'm just tipsy. There's no way this means anything. I'll have to stick forks in my eyes.

"I couldn't let them hound on you like that," he mumbles. "You deserve better."

"We should leave," Junmyeon says, still not letting go of him. He could stay here in Sehun's hold all night, cherishing the younger man's warmth and kindness.

As Sehun follows Junmyeon out of the kitchen some time later, there is one prevalent thought at the forefront of his mind.

I hope this hasn't awakened anything in me.

***

The drive back into the city is serenely beautiful. It's dark outside and the roads almost completely deserted. Junmyeon is the most at peace he has been all day. The stretch of black road ahead of him gives him complete clarity, allowing his thoughts to run wild.

Sehun, with the mixture of alcohol and heat blasting from the vents, quickly falls asleep against the window, curled up in a surprisingly adorable way. He cuddles into his coat, occasionally sighing in his sleep. Every time he does this it feels like a fishhook around Junmyeon's heart.

Every few minutes Junmyeon will glance over at him, a soft smile spreading across his face. His insides have felt like melted butter ever since their moment in the kitchen. Every nerve in his body set alight, filling him with warmth like he has never felt before. His heart is yet to resume its normal steady pace, still knocking rapidly against his chest. His throat swells painfully tight.

Junmyeon hates to be cliché but he doesn't think he has ever felt like this before.

As Junmyeon looks over at the sleeping man and feels a painful tug of longing. He realises that his feelings for him are going to be a much bigger problem than he ever anticipated.

Notes:

people who were worried something bad was going to happen, how could you think i'd do that? don't i put these idiots through enough? 😭

i wanted to give a bit of background to the enigma that is kim junmyeon and hopefully shed some light as to why he can be so annoyingly stubborn, oblivious, guarded etc etc...

no drama with the kim family though.... for now

Chapter 19: Chapter Nineteen

Sehun is late. 

If it were anyone else, or perhaps any other day, Junmyeon would not be concerned in the slightest. Despite the reputation that celebrities have of being rude and dismissive to their staff, Junmyeonn likes to think he is a very understanding employer. He doesn't get annoyed when people are late, doesn't feel like he's too important to be kept waiting, he recognises he's human just like everyone else and if he has to wait then so what?

However, that isn't what's bothering him. 

What is bothering him is the possibility that Sehun has bolted. It's looking very likely that this is the case. 

It's Monday morning, two days since Chuseok and Junmyeon hasn't heard a word from his assistant at all. This in itself is unusual, because even if Sehun has the day off he still keeps Junmyeon informed about what he is doing, no matter how mundane or disinteresting it is. Junmyeon has come to discover that on his off days, Sehun rarely leaves his bed and if he does it's to lay on the couch and watch television all day in a state of intertia. Yet it still means a lot that Sehun keeps him updated. It's these small, meaningless gestures that mean the most to him. 

There has been none of that this weekend. Ever since he gently woke Sehun up outside of his apartment building, telling him it was time to go, Junmyeon has been greeted with radio silence. Admittedly he didn't reach out first, terrified he was overstepping some sort of boundary (as if every boundary between them hasn't already been broken) though deep down, he had wholeheartedly expected Sehun to say something; at least make some acknowledgement of the time they spent together. 

Okay, perhaps he wouldn't profess his undying love for Junmyeon like a small part of him hopes, but he would've taken anything over this agonizing silence. Because all he has done since Saturday is wonder what was the final straw that broke Sehun's back. 

Junmyeon spent all of Sunday restlessly pacing his apartment, gnawing at the hangnail on his thumb, his stomach churning painfully. He psychoanalysed every minute they spent together, wondering where he overstepped and what he could do to apologise for it. 

While Junmyeon was hurt that Sehun was shutting him out, he put the younger man's feelings before his own and was simply terrified that he had upset Sehun in some way. The thought of him being affected by his thoughtless actions made him want to cry. He very nearly did. There was a painful lump in his throat the majority of the day. 

Now, he's pacing around the parking lot anxiously awaiting his assistant's arrival if he ever comes. Surely he wouldn't quit his job on such short notice? Without even telling Jongdae? Junmyeonn wonders about the legality of this. He's never had a normal job before but he's heard of the infamous two week notice. 

He tells Taeil to wait five more minutes and if Sehun hasn't arrived then they will leave. He will have to deal with the consequences after today's shooting. Junmyeon can't imagine going on set without Sehun by his side. Truthfully he doesn't think he'd have the nerve. He's become so dependent on his assistant that he doesn't think he could function without him. His days would seem meaningless without Sehun by his side. Nothing would ever be the same. Which is why he's so terrified that Sehun has walked away from him forever. 

With only two minutes to spare, Junmyeon sees a familiar figure sprinting across the parking lot, long legs looking surprisingly inelegant and clumsy. Were he not so worked up Junmyeon would think it was utterly endearing. But he's wound up like a spring, ready to snap at any given moment; the tension in his body is begging for release. 

"Where the hell have you been?" He snaps at his assistant, who is bright red in the face and flushed with exertion. "You're late! It's unacceptable!"

"I'm sorry," Sehun groans. "My stupid phone has been broken all weekend. I can't do anything to fix it." He pulls the old device out of his coat pocket, waving it redundantly. "Usually I can get it working again but I can't right now." 

Junmyeon glares. "Do you think that's an adequate excuse?" 

"I didn't do it deliberately!" The younger man protests. "I tried to text you off Jongin's phone but I couldn't remember your number. Jongdae wasn't answering his emails either."

Junmyeon makes a mental note to lecture his manager later. 

"It's because your phone is so old," he remarks unpleasantly. "I don't think they even make that model anymore."

"Hey," Sehun says, holding it protectively to his chest. "It was all I could afford at one point, okay? You don't have to be so rude." 

He's trying his very best to mask his hurt at his boss' vitriol. Truthfully he didn't think it would matter to Junmyeon in the slightest. Sehun assumed he would be so preoccupied- as he usually is on a morning, of course he wasn't in this instance- that he wouldn't even register Sehun's tardiness. Besides, it was only less than ten minutes. Since when did it matter so much to Junmyeon? 

"The point is you can afford a better one now," the older man says, getting into the car. "What do you think I'm paying you for?"

"Clearly to be some sort of verbal punching bag." 

"I mean it, Sehun." Junmyeon sounds so strict that Sehun shrinks away in his seat. "It's not good enough. If you want to work for me then we can't have lapses in communication like this. What if I needed you yesterday? Or this morning? It's very unprofessional." 

"Don't even talk to me about unprofessional!" Sehun snaps, unable to withhold his anger any longer. He had been staving off the urge to bite back as to avoid an argument, now he can't clamp his tongue. "I was at your family home on Saturday. I don't know many bosses who let their staff do that." 

Junmyeon blushes bright red, completely thrown off by Sehun's remark. He never thought the offer would be thrown back in his face like this. Then again, he's dealing with Sehun. His assistant's temper and the things he says in these heated moments should have stopped surprising him by now.

"The offer was out of pity," Junmyeon reminds him coolly. 

"Stupid me for thinking you had a heart for once," Sehun snaps. 

Junmyeon keeps his eyes trained forward, burning holes into the back of the headrest in front of him. He wants nothing more than to throw himself onto the floor and apologise repeatedly to Sehun, assuring him he didn't mean a word of his tantrum, that- while he knows it isn't an adequate excuse- he was just terrified of losing him. Yet it all seems so pointless now. The words have been said, the old wounds have been reopened for both of them and apologies just can't remedy it. 

Junmyeon rests his head against the car window, wondering how he manages to ruin everything he ever touches. 

Sehun keeps his fists clenched on his thighs as he tries to control his breathing, not wanting anger to get the better of him. There is an abundance of insults he could throw at Junmyeon; poisonous barbs about his family, his depraved childhood, his failure at becoming an idol, yet he keeps himself under check. They burn like acid on his tongue, physically tasking to hold back. Unlike Junmyeon, Sehun doesn't want to hurt him. He can think these things in his mind, because what harm can they do there? But he wouldn't say it. No matter how angry he felt. 

Sehun wonders when this radical change happened. When he started to consider Junmyeon's feelings. Is it desperation at keeping this job? Or is there another underlying reason? 

Unwillingly, did Sehun's visit to the Kim's house on Saturday completely change his perspective on his boss? Of course it did. But was that Junmyeon's plan all along? For Sehun to see him as someone fragile who should be treated like pity, so he could control Sehun easier? 

No matter how much time Sehun has had to dwell on it, nothing makes sense. Even now, he is unsure of Junmyeon's intentions. Previously he had thought Junmyeon extended the offer out of the goodness of his heart, but Sehun has rudely been reminded this was not the case at all. It makes him shiver with shame. Just as he was starting to warm up to his boss he had to revert back to his old ways- his true ways. 

Really, it's Sehun's fault for letting the wool be pulled over his eyes. Didn't Junmyeon tell him that he was simply an actor around people, using them for his own advantage? Why did Sehun believe himself to be exempt from this?

Why would he be special to Kim Junmyeon?

***

Anyone who is within a fifty foot radius of Sehun and Junmyeon can detect the palpable tension between them. Both men refuse to look at one another, talking to each other through third parties; Junmyeon will ask Jisoo to ask Sehun to bring him something, whereas Sehun will communicate his rude answers through Lisa who looks pained to even relay them. It's completely infantile, yet no one dares point this out. They look so enraged that nobody dares mention it. So they continue their game of Chinese Whispers like everything is fine.

Joohyun, however, is as blunt as ever. 

"Have you two had a lover's quarrel?" She questions casually while Junmyeon is getting his makeup done. Thankfully it's only Chaeyoung in the trailer, who has watched their bromance unfurl over these past few months so is not surprised by the comment. In fact she has to bite back a giggle, terrified that she will be reprimanded considering Junmyeon's horrible mood.

"What are you talking about?" He asks shortly.

"You and Sehun. You're not talking to each other. You're in such a bad mood you've made three interns and the sound guy cry. You've only been here two hours."

Junmyeon is unable to meet her eye. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Did something happen? Did you tell...?"

"No," snaps Junmyeon, clutching the arm rests of his canvas chair so tightly he almost splinters the wood. "And I never will. It's none of his business nor is it any of yours. You're not paid to stick your nose in my business." 

"It is my business when your childish mood is seriously affecting your work- which it is today. You were appalling out there. I was embarrassed. You kept tripping over your lines- the ones you actually remembered- you seemed a million miles away, and you kept looking at Sehun." 

Junmyeon freezes, suddenly feeling very humbled. "I was not looking at him."

Joohyun folds her arms over her chest. "You were. Like a longing little puppy." 

"We fought this morning," he admits with great difficulty. 

"Breaking news: fork spotted in kitchen," Joohyun rolls her eyes. "I gathered that. You always fight. It just seems worse today." 

Junmyeon chews on his lip. Nobody knows about him and Sehun spending Chuseok together, which was a deliberate choice on both of their parts. While Junmyeon suggested it out of embarrassment, Sehun agreed because he didn't want people invading his privacy and asking intrusive questions. Their work relationship has nothing to do with anyone else. But on days like today when it's affecting everyone around them, it's a lot less private than they initially assumed.

"He was late." 

Joohyun looks at him as if she's waiting for him to continue. After several seconds of silence, she stares at him incredulously. "Is that it?" 

"It's complicated." 

Chaeyoung, who so far has remained silent, finally says quietly, "Is there something else bothering you?" 

Junmyeon thinks it would be good to get it all off his chest, to confide in some of the women he trusts most in the world, who would offer him wise advice which would end up with him and Sehun making up. But he can't. Junmyeon vowed that this is his own battle. He will fight his way through it by any means necessary. If that means suffering in silence until he gets over whatever feelings he has for Sehun then so be it.

"Nope," he says smoothly. "Absolutely nothing." 

*** 

The next morning, Sehun finds himself wondering whether he should call in sick for work. After his horrendous day with Junmyeon yesterday, he doesn't know whether he can face it again. Maybe if he takes the day off and gives Junmyeon some space then the older man will calm down. And work through whatever issues are bothering him so much at the moment. Sehun takes part of the blame, but he doesn't know what the hell is wrong with him the rest of the time. Junmyeon is having a real issue with something in his life. Obviously Sehun won't ask because it's not his place, yet he hopes someone else will so it can be sorted out soon.

Then, with crushing realisation, Sehun remembers he has no way of getting in touch with Junmyeon anyway. So he will have to face his boss regardless.

With much reluctance, Sehun showers and dresses himself, all while mentally preparing for whatever verbal warfare he will be subjected to today. Perhaps if he had kept quiet yesterday then it wouldn't have escalated, but he wasn't going to let Junmyeon chew him out so unfairly like that. Even if he had started to like Junmyeon, there was no way he'd let him talk to him like that- Sehun wouldn't let that slide with anyone. No matter how unfairly attractive they are. 

Sehun ensures he is at work fifteen minutes early to prove a point. He also makes a point to not bring Junmyeon his usual coffee, deciding to bring a thermos for his own purposes only. It may not make a difference, but Sehun feels better for doing it. Junmyeon has been getting the better of him far too much lately, Sehun needs to regain his upper hand.

He recognises Junmyeon's Audi immediately. His boss has been using this car a lot more lately, Sehun cannot help but feel it is a statement against him; Sehun likes the Lamborghini, so Junmyeon deliberately avoids using it. 

It's probably to avoid suspicion. Though Sehun prefers his theory.

Perhaps the first thing Sehun notices is the gift bag in Junmyeon's left hand, purple tissue paper spilling over the top of it. His heart swoops slightly at the sight, remembering a few weeks ago when he was gifted a pair of Airpods. Clenching his hands, Sehun pushes this thought to the back of his mind. Junmyeon will just be playing mind games with him. It's probably someone's birthday, or he'll be giving someone a gift to rub Sehun's nose in it. 

Well, he can try all he wants but Sehun will remain thoroughly unbothered. He doesn't want Junmyeon's pathetic gifts. Flashing money means nothing if you don't have a heart, which Junmyeon does not. That pitiful act he put on Saturday was all for show. Sehun realised this yesterday. The Junmyeon then was completely different to the one he is right now. Which only tells Sehun that this is the true Junmyeon. He just blissfully chose to believe his boss was a better person than he really is.

Junmyeon walks towards him, keeping his eyes focused on the ground. If Sehun didn't know any better he'd think the older man looked meek. Then he tells himself not to fall into this trap again. Junmyeon showed his true colours yesterday, Sehun can't fall for the mood swings today.  

"Good morning, Sehun," the older man says awkwardly. He keeps his gaze focused on a space over Sehun's shoulder, not on his actual face. For some reason this infuriates the younger man.

"Morning," he grunts. Damn. He promised he wasn't going to speak to him. It was a momentary lapse, but it changes nothing. Starting from now he's going to refuse to talk. 

Wordlessly, Junmyeon hands him the gift bag. Sehun can't help but quirk an eyebrow curiously.

"What, do you want me to pass it onto someone?" He asks nastily.

Junmyeon shakes his head. "It's yours."

Sehun stares at him dumbfounded. He can't shake off the feeling that this is a trap, just another way for Junmyeon to assert control over him. By dangling gifts in front of Sehun, he can keep his assistant on his good side and obedient. 

"I don't want it," he tries to hand it back. Junmyeon stuffs his hands in his pockets. 

"I think you do. Open it."

"I don't want anything you give me," he protests firmly. "I don't need you taking pity on me." 

"Sehun," he says, voice hard. Then he sighs, looking incredibly deflated. "Just open it please."

Warily, Sehun tries to peel back the tissue paper to see what is inside the bag so he can make the split-second decision to shove it back in his face. He's trying not to think about how exhausted the older man looks. Sehun is trying to harden his heart, not fall straight into his trap again.

In the end Sehun has to put his hand right in the bag to pull out whatever pointless gift Junmyeon has given him. He doesn't have his hopes up, though he can't deny the curiosity that is gnawing away at him. This only peaks when his hands brush over something smooth and shaped like an oblong. With a frown, he strokes the sheeny material and tries to guess what it is. 

His jaw drops when he pulls out a box containing the newest, high-end iPhone. In white, his favourite colour. 

Sehun just stares at Junmyeon, the box in his hands is so heavy it almost pulls him over. 

"Are you kidding?"

"It was the least I could do," the older man shrugs. "You need the phone for work, so..."

Sehun vehemently shakes his head, handing it back over. "I can't accept this. I won't. The AirPods were one thing but this... these phones cost thousands of dollars." 

"I told you it's nothing," iterates Junmyeon. "You'd be buying a new one anyway, I just thought I'd speed the process along."

All the younger man can do is stare dumbly at the box in his grip like it's a bomb about to go off. There has to be a catch somewhere. Junmyeon wouldn't do something like this out of the kindness of his heart, even if he is adamant he did it for work purposes. There'll be an ultimatum. People like Junmyeon don't give out niceties for free. 

"What's the catch?"

"Catch?" Junmyeon looks baffled. "What are you talking about? There isn't one. I'm your boss so I bought you a piece of work equipment. End of."

Sehun shakes his head. "No, this is you we're talking about. There must be something." 

Junmyeon ignores the knife twist of hurt in his chest. "I told you," he says through gritted teeth. "No catch." 

 "Take it out of my paycheque."

"Don't be ridiculous."

"No, I'm serious! I don't... I don't want to be indebted to you, okay? I don't want you to throw this back into my face next time we fight. I can't trust you." 

The hurt comes much more intensely and painfully. Junmyeon feels it like a slog in the gut, thrice more painful. He blinks back the burning sensation in his eyes. Just how much damage did his words do yesterday? This was never his intention. It was a moment of madness fuelled by emotions (longing, terror, pining) and whatever malicious things he came out with, he didn't mean. He'd never hurt Sehun on purpose, that's the last thing he'd ever want to do. But now, because of his barbed tongue, they're back to square one; Sehun not trusting him and believing he's the bad guy. 

How could Junmyeon ever explain this? To tell Sehun that his outburst was a direct consequence of his intoxicating and confusing feelings for him? That would scare him even more. Sehun really would leave then. 

"Sehun," he begins softly, unsure of how to put across his tenderness for him. "I was a dick yesterday, and I'm so sorry I said the things I did. I didn't mean them. You know better than anyone I say things without thinking. I don't think any of those things about you, you're one of my... best friends. I care about you a lot. The last thing I'd ever do is intentionally hurt you. I'm just bad at controlling my emotions."

The younger man looks visibly torn, bottom lip wavering in consideration. Junmyeon can practically see the cogs turning in his mind, the two contrasting parts of him raging an internal battle; forgive him or hold a grudge forever. 

"You said you pitied me." His voice sounds so small. 

"Of course I don't," he says softly. "I think you're one of the most amazing people I've met in my life. I admire you so much. In fact, every day I wish I could be more like you." 

"You're just saying these things. You're an actor." 

"I respect you too much to do that to you," the older man says honestly, shocked at how easily the words are flowing out of him. Normally he would be too embarrassed to be so bare-faced and vulnerable. "I said those things because I'm a jerk. There's no other reason for it."

Sehun looks down at the box in his hands, countenance screwed in consideration. 

"Why were you really so mad yesterday?" 

"Because I thought I'd lost you," Junmyeon shrugs. There's no point in being modest now. "I thought you'd decided you didn't want to work with me anymore so that was your unofficial three weeks notice."

"Two weeks," Sehun corrects him instantly. But his eyes are wide with bewilderment. "You seriously thought that? Why? I'd never just leave." 

Junmyeon's heart feels like it's about to burst with this implication. Sehun's words are innocuous, he can't complicate things now.

"I-I don't know," he mutters, looking down at the ground. "I thought... maybe I'd taken it too far on Saturday." 

Sehun looks so confused that it makes Junmyeon physically ache. The horrible scratchiness in his throat returns as he watches the younger man take it all in and visibly work through it in his mind. 

"Did something happen that I wasn't aware of? How would you have taken it too far?" 

"Meeting my parents, showing you how I grew up... It's not normal." 

Junmyeon is surprised when he feels Sehun's hand resting on his shoulder. His lips part in surprise, glancing up at him in confusion. 

"Junmyeon." Is it his imagination or does his assistant look amused? "That's what friends do. It wasn't weird, it wasn't overstepping any boundaries. It was nice, actually. Do you know what? It made me realise you're human like the rest of us. You try so hard to be this untouchable figure- better than anyone else. If anything it made me respect you. I feel like I finally know you after all this time."

"But you said it was unprofessional-"

The younger man smiles wryly. "Looks like we both said things we didn't mean." 

Junmyeon goes limp with relief, emitting an exhale and feeling his bones turn to jelly. 

"I truly am sorry, Sehun." 

"Apology accepted. Thank you. For that and the phone. But I really feel bad about it." 

"Please don't. It was the least I could do. I know buying gifts isn't an adequate apology..." 

"It's fine. I'd like it if we just completely forgot it ever happened." 

Junmyeon grins when he sees Sehun smiling softly at him. 

"Deal." 

They high-five in consolidation, their fingers twined and touch lingering afterwards.  

***

Baekhyun and Yixing are round for dinner. It wasn't Sehun's idea obviously, Jongin was the one who suggested it to him, wanting to see Yixing one last time before he returns to China next week. And because he has been glued to Baekhyun's hip the entirety of his visit, obviously the offer was extended to him as well. Sehun can think of a thousand things he'd rather be doing on one of his rare nights off which doesn't include playing hostess for his two friends, but because Jongin wanted it, Sehun is obliging. 

It's not out of bitterness, obviously. Sehun has come to a reluctant, tentative understanding that Baekhyun and Yixing are probably going to be a thing now, judging by the way Baekhyun talks about their relationship; so he's had no choice but to have to quickly adjust. He'd just rather hang out with Jongin tonight. They haven't had a chance to be together on their own in a while. 

This is what Sehun is bitter about, not his friend's blossoming romance. 

All of this leads up to them sitting around their dining room table on Wednesday night, Sehun wondering what he did so wrong in a past life to be subject to this. 

Mainly it is Jongin and Yixing dominating the conversation, still making up for lost time. Baekhyun intervenes occasionally when he feels like the attention has veered too far away from him and Sehun remains silent, moodily poking his food, not even attempting to act happy at their presence. Luckily the two men are so absorbed they don't sense his hostility. 

Truthfully, Sehun is just unfairly taking his frustration out on them. For the past couple of days he's been in a terrible mood, all because of Junmyeon. Just when he thought he was ready to hate him and revert back to their old ways, the older man had to ruin it all by being disgustingly poignant and compassionate, confusing Sehun's heart even more. Obviously he accepted the apology, not only did he want to seem rude- he wanted to believe it was genuine. Sehun told himself Junmyeon really meant it. This probably isn't true, he knows Junmyeon will probably do something as equally harsh in the near future; but as of late, he's tried to focus on Junmyeon's good points. Of which there are many. Surprisingly. Something he'd never taken into account before. 

Sehun is angry because he doesn't know what to think about the older man. He is such a dichotomy; smarmy and caring one minute, harsh and cold the next, Sehun doesn't have the slightest clue of who the real Junmyeon truly is, he feels like this is a deliberate move on the older man's part; to keep Sehun at arm's length whatever the cost. It's not fair. 

The more Sehun has accepted Junmyeon and grown to like him, the further Junmyeon has pushed him away. 

Almost like he is too scared to let Sehun in any closer.

He manages to repress a sigh. Now isn't the time to think about it. 

"I can't believe Kim Junmyeon is your sugar daddy now," Baekhyun remarks, shaking his head in bemusement. 

This is a follow-on comment from all the ones he has been dropping ever since Sehun told him he had a new phone and phone number, eventually having to admit that his boss bought him the device when Baekhyun got suspicious. He knew Sehun would never willingly part with his old phone, he was too stubborn. Of course this was the wrong thing to do, because he hasn't shut up about it since. Sehun thinks there is an underlying feeling of jealousy. 

Sehun sighs. "I told you; it's a work phone. There's nothing weird about your boss buying you something you need for work." 

"Did he buy you it so you could send him dirty pictures?" Baekhyun asks sternly.

Unable to mask his surprise, Sehun chokes on his lettuce roll and Jongin has to reach across the table to thump on the back, watching him worriedly as he turns bright red. Yet this is more out of embarrassment as opposed to his airflow being cut off. 

"Why would you even say that?" 

"That's what sugar daddies do! You have to give them sugar somehow. Unless you're fucking him too."

"Baekhyun!" Even Yixing has gone bright red, looking terribly embarrassed. "Just shut up! You shouldn't talk about these things over dinner." 

"That's completely normal for us," Jongin points out, if not a little gloomily. 

Baekhyun holds his hands up in innocent defence. "I'm just saying; if you're not going to take advantage of this situation, then someone else will. You can always give him my number." 

He manages to dodge the smack from Yixing, but the older man doesn't look at all irritated; in fact, he's looking at Baekhyun with a sickeningly infatuated expression, eyes clouded with admiration. Jongin and Sehun exchange quick glances before looking down at their plates, very much feeling like a third wheel. Like they shouldn't be witnessing something so intimate. 

Jongin manages to steer the conversation towards the topic of Chanyeol and Minseok, which he only found out about the other week. Sehun was the first to know purely out of accident, then Baekhyun, then Jongin. All three of them still can't fathom Chanyeol in a committed relationship when he has spent his whole life sleeping around and never settling down. Jongin remarks that there must be something special about Minseok, Sehun feels a slight sadness when he agrees that there is. It was just his fault for not realising sooner. 

"You know what we should do?" Jongin says excitedly. "We should all go out for dinner- like a double date but... with all of us! I'm sure I could get Kyungsoo to come, since you two are such good friends." 

He says the last statement sarcastically, causing Baekhyun to smirk knowingly. While him and Kyungsoo are not sworn enemies, Kyungsoo freely admits that Baekhyun is the most annoying person on the face of the earth- to which Sehun is strongly inclined to agree. 

"I probably won't be able to make it," Yixing scratches the back of his neck. "I'm going back next week." 

Baekhyun pouts. "So you're going to let me go on my own?"  

"You can go with Sehun."

"He's going with Junmyeon."

For the second time in less than five minutes, Sehun chokes; this time on a mouthful of beer. He needs to stop putting things in his mouth when Baekhyun is talking. It will be the death of him one day. 

"Absolutely not," he says firmly. "No way." 

"Come on!" Baekhyun tugs on his arm. "He's friends with Minseok and Kyungsoo so it wouldn't be weird." 

"It's a perfect set up," concedes Jongin, shrinking under the murderous glare his roommate gives him. 

"I refuse. Not only is it weird, but he probably wouldn't want to spend the night with you losers."

"He liked us when we met him the other week." 

"It's just not happening. I'm sorry, you can have fun without me."

Yet the more Sehun thinks about it, the more he begins to warm up to the idea. Yes, the prospect of introducing Junmyeon to his whole group of utterly embarrassing friends is enough to make his whole body recoil in a cringe, there is a certain appeal to the notion too. Spending the night as Junmyeon's- albeit fake- date and arm candy? This is something Sehun can get behind. Even if it were only for a few hours. 

There's no way Junmyeon would agree to it. He has far better things to do than pander to Sehun's whims. No matter how heartfelt his apology the other day seemed, he would only say something equally as hurtful if Sehun suggested it to him. He'd laugh in Sehun's face, and the younger man can't take the rejection and subsequent humiliation. Sehun has never been turned down in his life, he isn't about to let Junmyeon get the better of him like that. 

"You're thinking about it, Sehunnie," smirks Jongin, looking triumphant. "Just ask him! What's the harm?" 

"He could actually agree?"

Baekhyun looks at him knowingly. "I think you're scared of asking him in case he rejects you. Because you like him, don't you, Sehun?"

Sehun ignores the ice flooding in his veins, the painful clenching of his stomach. "Shut up," he scoffs. "Never in a million years. It's just weird because he's my boss." 

"Aw." Jongin pouts, widening his eyes for emphasis. "Please, Sehunnie? For me?" 

Sehun's hackles are still up, yet he slowly feels every ounce of fight leave his body the longer Jongin looks at him with that pitiful expression. With a sigh of resignation, Sehun knows he is going to end up asking Junmyeon regardless, because Jongin asked him to. And whatever Jongin wants, Sehun tries to give him. 

"Can we get it over with, then? What about this weekend?" 

Baekhyun pulls a face. "Can't. We're going to Busan." 

"We can go without you anyway. Jongin?" 

Jongin too looks uncomfortable, shifting in his seat. "Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that. Kyungsoo and I are going to Jeju Island this weekend before he starts filming again. So you're going to have the apartment to yourself." 

Sehun is shocked. "You're leaving me alone all weekend?" 

It shouldn't matter in the slightest, Sehun is a grown man after all and he can look after himself, he's just surprised Jongin didn't mention it earlier. Had he not brought it up, would Jongin have left it until the last minute? Sehun feels foolish for letting it get to him so much, but everything Jongin does ends up hurting him. A consequence of being in love with him, he supposes. An apt punishment for loving your best friend in the wrong way. 

"You'll be okay, right?" Jongin tries to be bright about the situation. "You can finally have some peace. You're always complaining you don't get enough."

"Yeah..." He says slowly, looking down at the unfinished food on his plate. He no longer has an appetite. "I'll be fine." 

He wishes more than anything it was him and Jongin going away for a romantic weekend away. 

***

Jongin leaves on Friday night, wanting to get there early morning so they can optimise the short amount of time they have there. Apparently they have a packed itinerary of activities they want to try which is why there is an air of urgency surrounding the trip. Sehun sits on the couch with his arms crossed tightly over his chest, watching at Jongin frantically flitting around the apartment and glaring at Kyungsoo sitting on the other end. Neither men have even acknowledged one another- almost like Kyungsoo has picked up on Sehun's rancour. 

Perhaps it is unfair of Sehun to hate Kyungsoo by association, for harbouring ill-feelings towards him for stealing Jongin away, but it's too late for him to change his mind now. They have established this mild animosity so it must resume that way. 

"Do you have our passports?" Jongin sticks his head through the doorway, looking anxious. Kyungsoo wordlessly gives him the thumbs up. Jongin disappears again, muttering to himself as he goes. 

Sehun resumes staring at the television though he's not concentrating on the variety show that is playing, it's all a colourful blur and muffled shouts and jeers in the back of his mind. He tries to look like he's focused so as not to invite any conversation with Kyungsoo. Sehun knows it would be a bad idea if he opened his mouth at Jongin's boyfriend with the current mood he's in. He just wants both of them to leave. 

"Do you have any plans this weekend, Sehun?" Asks Kyungsoo, as if he can read Sehun's mind and knows how much he doesn't want to engage in conversation. 

"No," the younger man replies stiffly. "I never do." 

"Not seeing Junmyeon?" 

Sehun shoots him such a venomous glare that a man lesser than him would cower beneath it. Annoyingly, Kyungsoo looks completely innocent. For once there is no trace of mirth in his expression.

 "No," he grumbles. "Not this weekend." 

"It's good you two guys get along so well," continues Kyungsoo, either not picking up on Sehun's hostility or choosing to completely ignore it. "He's not everyone's favourite person- neither are you actually- but you seem to work well together."

"I don't see how it's any of your business." 

Only now does Kyungsoo smirk. "I talk to Junmyeon more than you realise." 

That sounds oddly like a threat, definitely something Sehun doesn't want to delve too deeply in his current state of mind. Pushing down the rising dread threatening to spill over, he crosses his arms tighter across his chest and continues scowling at the TV screen. 

Eventually they leave, but it feels like an eternity before they do. Sehun has been grinding his teeth so severely he's surprised they haven't disintegrated into dust. He doesn't know why he's so on edge, likely because he wasn't Kyungsoo out of his house and he can relax. 

"Are you sure you'll be okay?" Jongin asks worriedly, chewing his bottom lip. Kyungsoo has a gentle but firm grip on his waist already, looking like he wants to steer him out of the front door. Of course Jongin it isn't going to be that easy to get Jongin to leave. 

"We're only going for two days," Kyungsoo points out patiently. "He's a grown man. He'll be fine."

"I know but I worry about him-"

Sehun rolls his eyes. "Just go. Enjoy yourselves."

Jongin squeezes him into one last hug, Sehun nearly chokes on the amount of cologne he has put on. For the first time ever, Jongin's touch does little to soothe him. 

"I'll bring you a gift back," Jongin promises, already being tugged away by his boyfriend. "I'll text you when we land, and I'll call you-!"

The door slams shut, leaving Sehun in the echoing silence.

The emptiness in the apartment is nothing compared to that in his chest.

*** 

Sehun sleeps early and wakes up late out of sheer boredom. Jongin texted him in the middle of the night to let him know they were boarding their plane, then an hour later alerting him they had landed without crashing (Jongin is terrified of heights and aeroplanes so this had been his biggest concern.) Sehun replies back half-heartedly though promises that is the last communication they will have. He doesn't want to distract Jongin from his vacation. While he may crave his best friend's affection constantly, Sehun will always put Jongin's happiness above all else. 

Saturday goes torturously slow. In the afternoon Sehun goes grocery shopping, then attempts to make himself dinner; but he sets off the fire alarm and the landlord of the building has to come and sort it out, all whilst scolding him so he loses any motivation after that. He eats ramen and drinks three bottles of beer in one sitting, deciding that he might as well get drunk to pass the time. 

For the first time in his life, all of Sehun's friend's have plans that don't include ihm. It's certainly a humbling feeling, something he doesn't want to become accustomed to. He tries to tell himself the gaping loneliness he feels is overly-dramatic, yet he can't help feeling that he's been forgotten about; cast aside because he is no longer good enough. 

Sighing, Sehun opens the bottle of red wine he has been saving for a special occasion. He's not sure what exactly, he just didn't see himself drinking it alone on a Saturday night while all of his friends were preoccupied with their loved ones. While Sehun has never had a long term boyfriend before, this is the longest he has gone without having anybody; Minseok was the last person he was properly involved with, and that was last year. Perhaps Sehun has been looking at romance the entirely wrong way. Instead of waiting for the right person to come along, should he have gone with the first person he laid eyes on and just accepted it, desperately trying to make it work? At least then he could say he had somebody.

Even that would beat the obvious pity his friends subtly give him.

He downs his first glass in one gulp, an impressive feat even for him. He shudders as the bitter taste lingers on his tongue, desperately swallowing down the vomit that immediately rises in his throat. Sehun likes wine in moderation, but tonight he's drinking to get drunk and that is completely different. It takes the enjoyment out of it. 

Why should he enjoy it anyway? He doesn't deserve it. 

The second glass goes down with much more difficulty. Halfway through he's already beginning to feel the effects, surprising considering how high his alcohol tolerance is. Then again, he hasn't been properly drunk in a while. Definitely not since he began working for Junmyeon. He just hasn't had the time, nor the desire. For the first time in his life, Sehun feels like he's really achieved something, that he's finally grown up and no longer wants to act immaturely. Finally he is ready to be an adult. 

That might explain why he has felt so left out within his friend group over the past few months. Originally it began as subtle changes; hardly noticeable changes in opinion, scorning his friend's poor life decisions, wondering how he could ever let himself have been so stupid in the past. All of that was part of the snowball effect of the realisation Sehun has come to now, which should hit him a lot harder but the more he thinks about it, the more sense it makes. And really, it doesn't concern him that deeply. 

I've been disconnected from everybody for a while. 

And it's all because of Junmyeon. 

Sehun grips his wineglass so tightly he can feel it weakening in his hands, threatening to smash if he applies much pressure. He throws the remainder of alcohol down his throat before pouring another glass, already halfway through the bottle. If he continues at this rate, he will soon be able to obfuscate the voices in his head.

Is it wrong of him to blame Junmyeon for this? No. Really, there is one culprit and that is Kyungsoo. Had he not mentioned the job offer to Sehun he would have continued his life obviously, eventually finding another boring job in retail where he wouldn't be tangled up so intensely with his boss. Sehun could have continued to lead his ordinary, dull life had it not been for Kyungsoo.

Don't even get him started on Junmyeon. His boss was never meant to be like this. He was meant to be cold, aloof and untouchable; he was meant to keep Sehun at arms-length so nothing like this could ever happen. This is why Sehun fought so hard to keep him away. And it worked for a while, but then his defences slowly started getting chipped away. It's his own fault for letting himself fall for it. No matter how much he would like to blame a third party, he can't. 

Fuck Junmyeon, he thinks bitterly. Fuck him and his stupid smile. His beautiful eyes. His annoying laugh. The way he is so much better than everyone else. The fact he is so kind even though he could so easily be an asshole. 

Fuck him for being nice to me. Who even does that?

The alcohol is going down much easier. It's hard to distinguish whether the warmth in Sehun's belly is because of the wine or the thought of Junmyeon. In this state of tipsiness he doesn't even correct himself for this traitorous thought. Usually he has a controlled grasp on his internal monologue. However, when he has been drinking, it has a bad habit of going off on tangents he would not normally allow. 

Saying things he has been trying to ignore for so long. 

He collapses back onto the couch, his vision swimming before him. Blinking the hotness out of his eyes, he blindly reaches for his phone on the coffee table and attempts to navigate through it. He's only had it a few days and he's yet to get accustomed to it. His old phone was a lot smaller and less complicated. Sehun doesn't even know what an iOS is.

Through his slightly blurred vision, Sehun has no recollection of opening up his call log and even less remembrance of how or why he called Junmyeon. Probably because he's all that's occupied his thoughts for the past hour- and the past week. Sehun isn't sure when this catalyst occurred, probably when he accidentally spilled his guts to them. Sehun doesn't let just anyone see that raw side of him. Had he not considered Junmyeon worthy, or had the slightest feelings for the man, he would have remained clammed up. 

"Sehun?" Junmyeon's voice is so clear it's almost like he's sitting next to him. He represses a shiver. "Are you okay?"

"Um..." Now that he thinks about it, is he okay? Is anything about this situation okay? “I-I don't really know."  

"Did something happen?" Junmyeon's voice rises in concern. "Answer me." 

"I accidentally called you," the younger man mumbles. Even though he's drunk, there is a trickle of doubt running cold and intrusive down his spine. This is bordering on territory that should not be crossed, no matter how inebriated he is. "I'm not used to my phone."

"That's because it doesn't have a home button," Junmyeon scoffs. "Welcome to the twenty-first century." He pauses. Sehun can almost picture him cocking his head. "You sound kind of weird though. Are you sure you're all right?" 

"'M fine," Sehun closes his eyes. "Been drinking." 

"Oh." Silence. "Will you be okay?" 

Before he can stop it, Sehun's big, traitorous mouth opens on its own accord. "Come round? I want some company." 

"Okay," Junmyeon replies without hesitation. "Will you send me your location? You can do that, right?" 

"I'm drunk not stupid," the younger man grumbles, struggling to swipe up and go onto his text messages while still on call. "Damn it. How are you meant to work this thing?" 

Junmyeon muffles a laugh. "I'll be over as soon as I can. Don't do anything stupid."

"Would you consider putting my hand in the garbage disposal dangerous?" 

"Even when you're drunk you're a brat. Sit tight." 

Junmyeon hangs up, causing Sehun to groan and throw his head back dramatically. He can't understand what possessed him to do something as idiotic as inviting his boss round to his apartment, the one place he always promised Junmyeon would never be allowed in an effort to maintain the line between work and his personal life. 

Sehun supposes it doesn't matter now. Deep down he wants to see Junmyeon. He would not have asked if he didn't have such a burning desire to be close to him.

*** 

Junmyeon stands up from the couch so quickly he almost trips over. Really, it's more of an excitable leap as he clumsily shoves his phone in his pocket, stumbling and almost putting his knee through the glass coffee table. 

"What's gotten into you?" Sooyoung questions, walking into the lounge to see what the disturbance is about.

 "I-I have to go," explains Junmyeon, trying to look sheepish and hoping his excitement isn't palpable. "Emergency. Work."

She raises an eyebrow, peering at him over the rim of her wine glass. "This late at night?"  

"It's not late," Junmyeon scoffs. "It's eight pm."

"You never get called into work," she says accusingly. 

"Like I said, it's an emergency. I'm really sorry." He shoots her an apologetic smile, like his insides aren't about to burst. "I have to go to the company building. I'll make it up to you."

"When? You're always so damn busy," she says bitterly. Then, she stands up with a sigh. Her and Junmyeon had this catch up planned last month and now he is suddenly leaving. He never usually cares this much about working, usually waving it off and saying whatever disaster has happened can wait until later. Either something hugely damaging to his career has happened or he's lying. 

Sooyoung thinks she knows which one it is.

"Where are you going really?"

"I told you," Junmyeon says, pulling on his sneakers. "The company building. Jongdae called me and said they needed me. Look, I'm really sorry Soo-"

"It's fine," she smiles sadly. "I accepted I lost you when you got your big break." She aims a soft punch at his shoulder. "Hope everything goes okay."  

He quickly pulls her into a hug, trying and failing to feel guilty. Sehun needs him, and Sehun comes before anyone; especially when he specifically requested Junmyeon's presence. He would be a fool to pass up this opportunity. 

He hurries out of Sooyoung's apartment, impatiently waiting for the elevator to take him down fifteen floors into the parking lot. When he gets in his car, his hands are trembling so badly he can barely fit the key into the ignition.

Junmyeon shouldn't be this nervous at the prospect of seeing Sehun; his personal assistant, his friend, the man he sees every single day. Yet this is exactly why he is so afraid. Because this is Sehun, and Junmyeon is only too aware of the shift that has happened between them this week. 

He just hopes it's for the better. That they can finally start moving forward without taking two steps back.

Notes:

me giggling at the foreshadowing in this chapter

also i just want to apologise, i know this is such a drawn out slow burn but i just want it to feel authentic and genuine to their character development. these idiots still have stuff to work out, but it’s definitely coming!

(i say every week)

Chapter 20: Chapter Twenty

By the time Junmyeon eventually reaches Sehun's apartment, the man in question has fallen asleep wrapped up in a blanket, dreaming about the beach on Jeju Island, the surf lapping over his ankles and Jongin's warm hand in his own.

A loud knocking startles him out of his slumber. With a groan, he sits up and knuckles his eyes, trying to feign sobriety. His head is swimming and when he stands up, he almost falls straight back down again at the rush of dizziness that overtakes him. He finishes the rest of the wine in his half finished glass, hoping it will balance out his equilibrium.

Stumbling blindly in the dark, Sehun gropes his way along the apartment until he reaches the front door and fumbles with the key in the lock. He's pleasantly surprised when he sees Junmyeon standing on the other side, looking utterly out of place in his designer clothes in the grubby hallway.

"Hi," Sehun says dumbly. "Why are you here?"

Junmyeon stares at him. "Do you not remember calling me?"

"Did I?" Sehun scratches his head. "When?"

The older man simply rolls his eyes. "Do you want me to leave?"

"No," he blurts quickly. "Please don't. Um... Sorry for the mess."

Suddenly, Sehun feels very self conscious about Junmyeon seeing his home. It all feels so personal and Sehun is completely out of his depth, now doubting whether he wanted to ever take things this far. Letting Junmyeon see this part of his life- the only private part he had left- feels like the end of things. Like whatever about to come next will be entirely his fault. Whatever disaster will occur as a result of this, Sehun only has himself to blame.

"Nice place," smiles Junmyeon. The most surprising part is that he looks genuine. Like he doesn't live in one of the most luxurious buildings in the city.

Sehun knows their apartment could be worse. It's not exactly big, or modern, but he and Jongin keep it immaculately tidy and have done their best to decorate it so it looks much more homely than it actually feels. They have framed photos all over the walls, cozy furniture and a bright, light colour scheme in an effort to induce some stir of serotonin when looking at it. Sehun can attest that this hasn't worked in the slightest. Junmyeon, however, is tiptoeing around and taking everything in with great interest, eyes taking in every single last detail.

"Not as nice as yours," Sehun mutters, slightly ashamed. Of course he couldn't have an apartment as palatial as Junmyeon's, but... would it really have killed him not to repaint the kitchen when he was off work? The task had completely slipped his mind at the time. Now it's glaringly obvious and his cheeks burn with embarrassment. For some reason, he wants Junmyeon to have only good things about him and his home.

"Your place is nicer," the older man remarks. "It feels like home here. My apartment... well, it's not home."

Sehun is too drunk to try and begin deciphering what this means. All he knows is that his heart tugs when he sees Junmyeon's saddened expression. It clouds over his countenance for only a moment before replaced with a brave smile.

"I'm glad you haven't trashed the place though," he says, upbeat. "Even if you are drunk."

"Jongin would kill me."

Sehun throws himself back onto the sofa, unable to support himself upright any longer. He reaches for the bottle of wine to pour out the remains into his glass, but Junmyeon grabs hold of his wrist and stops it mid-air.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" He asks sternly, raising his eyebrows.

"I was just going to finish it," he whines. "There's not much left."

"You've already drunk a full bottle."

"Exactly. There's no going back now."

Sehun wrenches his hand out of Junmyeon's grasp to swig it straight from the bottle to prove a point. He takes a big gulp, ending up coughing and spluttering it all down the front of his t-shirt. Junmyeon simply rolls his eyes and murmurs something indecipherable under his breath. Sehun is certain he hears a 'brat' sprinkled in there.

"Do you feel accomplished for that?"

"N-not really," he hiccups. However, he manages to finish the rest off without embarrassing himself. He knows there will be hell to pay in the morning- wine hangovers are possibly the worst known to mankind, and he will probably pay the price by vomiting later too- but all of that is pushed to the back of his mind. All he can focus on is the warmth emanating from Junmyeon sat only inches away from him. Subtly, Sehun scoots a little closer.

"I've never seen you really drunk," remarks Junmyeon, amused. " Usually you're so cold and untouchable. It's funny seeing you fall apart."

"I'm not falling apart," Sehun protests, head swimming. Junmyeon's face becomes a mere blur. Sehun reaches out to touch his face to ensure he's real and not a mirage.

"Sure," Junmyeon says lightly. "You tell yourself that."

Sehun aims to punch him on the upper arm but his aim is completely skewed. His fist falls uselessly onto the couch as he slumps forward, suddenly exhausted. His face is pressed uncomfortably against Junmyeon's shoulder. He inhales deeply, breathing in Junmyeon's cologne. It's something Sehun doesn't think he will ever get tired of. It's so Junmyeon.

Junmyeon stiffens at the contact, heart galloping wildly. Before his brain gets ahead of itself, he firmly iterates that Sehun is drunk therefore that is why he's behaving so differently. This means nothing. If he were sober, he would be his usual scathing self. It's only because he's impaired and vulnerable that he's getting so close. Simply an accident he is too tipsy to correct.

"You're comfy," mumbles Sehun, making no attempt to move.

"T-thanks," the older man chokes out, skin burning from his touch. They've never been in such a close proximity before. In fact, Junmyeon can't think of a single time when Sehun has initiated contact first beyond a high-five or hand shake. Admittedly, the sudden change is a welcome one, if not a little unsettling.

Junmyeon thought he wanted this, for Sehun to be more friendly and welcoming; yet faced with this reality, it leaves him wrong-footed. Like he shouldn't be being touched so tenderly by another man. Gently, he shifts Sehun's head away from his shoulder. He doesn't see the flash of hurt across the younger man's face.

"Do you want anything?" He asks quickly, wanting to move past the sudden awkwardness. "Water? Something to eat?"

Sehun shakes his head, falling back onto the sofa and wrapping himself up tightly in the fluffy blanket. If Junmyeon is not going to offer him any warmth then this will have to substitute. He's trying not to let the disappointment become visible on his expression, but it's difficult.

Junmyeon stands up and goes into the kitchen anyway, clearly thinking Sehun isn't capable of making decisions for himself in this state. A small part of him is regretting inviting his boss round. What did he really expect from this? He didn't invite him to lure him into having sex with him, nor did he really think anything would come out of it; yet there was that small, unquenchable slither of hope that wondered just maybe...

Sehun reallys needs to stop being so reckless when he's drunk. It's given him nothing but trouble his whole life.

The older man returns with a glass of ice cold water and a packet of rice cakes.

"Eat," he instructs gently. "It'll help absorb the alcohol."

Sehun turns his head away childishly. "What if I don't want to absorb it?"

"Then you're being stupid. Why call me here if I can't look after you?"

This certainly catches Sehun's attention. He turns his head half a degree, watching Junmyeon carefully over his shoulder. The older man is standing over him, hands on his hips and shaking his head slightly. However, Sehun notices there is a quirk to the corner of his lips. He thinks the whole thing is funny.

Sehun, who is still stinging from the reaction, can't see the humour in it.

"Because I was thinking about you. But I don't need you to look after me," he grumbles, turning back away.

The sofa dips down slightly, indicating Junmyeon has sat down. Sehun rolls slightly toward him with the pressure, their hips bumping against each other. Junmyeon tries to keep his blush to a minimum, clearing his throat to try and regain some control of himself.

"I want to," he expresses. "You don't have to shut me out all the time, Sehun."

Once again, Sehun opens his mouth before it's had a chance to connect to his brain.

"That's rich coming from you," he snaps. "You always push me away."

Junmyeon widens his eyes, frozen and confused. "I do?" He asks uncertainly. This is something he'd never even considered before. Usually it's always him chasing after Sehun to no avail. When Sehun finds the confidence and gets too close for comfort, does Junmyeon do the same thing and subconsciously push him away?

His insides writhe with guilt. He wishes there was some way he could explain, but he can't. Not to Sehun, not to anybody. This is something nobody can ever find out.

"I know it doesn't help, but I don't mean to," is all he can weakly offer.

Sehun grumbles under his breath. "It doesn't."

Cautiously, Junmyeon's hand hovers over Sehun's shoulder, before he forces himself to rest it down gently. Sehun jumps slightly at the contact, not having expected it. This time, he almost fully rolls over to look at the older man. Junmyeon doesn't like how Sehun's gaze penetrates his own so coldly, so knowingly.

In the split second of eye contact, Junmyeon is frightened that Sehun has unearthed all of his innermost secrets with just one stare.

"In my defence, you don't make things easy," says Junmyeon. "You're so hot and cold that I never know when I'm crossing a line with you. I don't want to push you out of your comfort zone. You could work on your communication skills, Sehun."

Sehun pouts and Junmyeon thinks it is just about the most endearing thing he has ever seen. His heart constricts tightly at the sight, hands aching with restraint as he keeps them at his side, trying not to reach out and touch the younger man. While he does not like being the subject of people's affections, he doesn't mind initiating it. Especially with the younger man, when he's around Sehun, Junmyeon can't seem to help himself.

Sehun's eyes look glossy, sinking further into intoxication. "That is... the biggest load of shit I have ever heard."

Junmyeon grins. "You think? I think I had a pretty valid point."

"Well you don't. You... you nerd."  His hand flops helplessly by his head, unable to muster the strength to use it.

Junmyeon presses his hand to his heart, pulling an agonised face and hissing through his teeth. "You really hurt me there, Sehun. How will I ever recover? Why didn't you just rip my heart out of my chest?"

"I can't think of anything better right now," groans Sehun. "I'm too drunk."

"Really? I never would have noticed. Good thing you warned me."

Sehun aims a weak kick in his direction which ends up being more of a nudge with his knee, the blankets restricting his movement. Junmyeon just laughs, resting a hand on top of his knee with an annoying smirk.

"We need therapy."

"Tell me about it," the younger man mumbles.

"I think I like drunk Sehun. You're easier to handle."

"I don't like you when I'm drunk. You're mean."

"Doesn't feel good now the roles have been reversed, huh?"

"I'm not mean," protests Sehun. "I can't show affection so I have to channel it into some other way."

He's too drunk to realise what has just spewed out of his mouth, but Junmyeon picks up on it with great interest. So Sehun being bratty and unbearable is his way of showing affection? Was this his way of basically admitting he cares about Junmyeon, in his own unusual way?

This revelation shouldn't leave him feeling so excited yet it does. Shame stirs hot and invasive in his stomach at the mere thought of it- of Sehun. He shouldn't feel like this, though it's undeniable that he does and he doesn't see any way of getting over it any time soon.

"Good to know," he says quietly to himself. Sehun is too busy moaning to himself to hear.

"Why did you let me drink so much?" He whines.

"I tried to stop you. Maybe this will be a good lesson."

"Smart ass," the younger man grumbles, reaching forward for the water and sipping it tentatively. He looks disgusted yet drinks it nonetheless, clearly beginning to see reason now. Whether Junmyeon's advice took any part in this he can't say. With how difficult Sehun is currently being, Junmyeon probably would guess not.

And yet, Junmyeon only finds him all the more loveable for it. He never thought he would care for someone with an attitude like Sehun's, but he has fallen for it quicker than he ever has done before. He wouldn't like to guess why; he would probably factor it down to the sheer amount of time they spend together, how he has gotten to know Sehun so well in such a short time, growing to care for him so deeply. Junmyeon tells himself it would be like this if anyone else had been his personal assistant, that it isn't just Sehun's influence. Yet he knows he's lying.

To him, every facet of Sehun is captivating; his snark, his sharp tongue, his wit, his looks, his vulnerability in moments like these. It couldn't have been just anyone. Junmyeon realises now he has fallen for Sehun because he is Sehun. Whether he met Sehun at a bar, or at university or even in the industry, he would have still felt the same. There's just something so unusual about him. Had anybody else had the same quirks as him, Junmyeon would probably despise them, yet Sehun makes it so charming that really, he never had any chance to not fall for him.

Junmyeon looks down at the younger man whose eyes are fluttering shut, noticing how tired he suddenly looks. With a slightly trembling hand, he reaches up to caress his jawline with the back of his finger. The touch is so light that Sehun doesn't even feel it. Junmyeon feels the electricity tingling through his skin.

"Do you want to sleep?" He asks quietly.

Sehun shakes his head with a sigh. "No. Want to annoy you some more."

He can't help the smile that spreads across his face. Sitting here beside Sehun, their hips delicately brushing together, Junmyeon hasn't felt this happy in a long time. He can't remember the last time he was this at ease. Being in Sehun's home, sharing his body heat and being in such a close proximity to him just feels so right.

How can these feelings that are so wrong feel this good?

Carefully, Junmyeon leans back on the couch to get more comfortable. He's pretty sure Sehun is going to fall asleep at any minute, considering how shallow his breathing has become and how still he suddenly is. Maybe it's for the best. Junmyeon will put him to bed and then he will have to work through his hangover by himself tomorrow. The short time they have spent together has been fun. Junmyeon thinks he will always cherish this precious time between them.

The apartment is serenely quiet for several minutes, all to be heard is the harsh grating of Sehun's breath and the steady thud of Junmyeon's heartbeat. Admittedly it has calmed down a lot since he first arrived, yet even being this close, within touching distance, of Sehun is still enough to get it beating faster than normal. Junmyeon never realised how bad it had become until recently, until Sehun started showing the kinder side to him- the one that makes him more humane. Junmyeon wouldn't like to guess whether this was intentional; Sehun realising he's now comfortable in his boss' presence, a natural progression or something more.

No. Of course it isn't that. Junmyeon is just getting ahead of himself.

Like always.

He knows he shouldn't look into tonight too deeply. Sehun simply called him because he's so drunk he can barely stand, he even admitted it was partly a mistake yet he still granted him permission probably out of politeness. Or just to use him. Junmyeon, who has spent his whole career proving he is not just some puppet in the industry, somehow doesn't mind when it comes to his personal assistant. If Sehun asked, he would probably go to the ends of the earth.

It's perhaps in this slightly disturbing moment that he realises just how out of hand this has become. Albeit there's nothing he can do about it, but he can always try to repress it or move on. Junmyeon isn't short of potential suitors; he's one of the hottest actors right now and there's a line a mile long who would jump at the chance of being with the Kim Junmyeon. Jongdae often comments on it, wondering aloud why he has never taken them up on it. Before Sehun it was simply because he had no interest, now with the younger man thrown into the mix, things have become a lot more complicated.

Sehun groans suddenly, struggling to sit upright in the tangle of blankets. Junmyeon jumps, he'd been so lost in thought he'd almost completely forgotten about the younger man.

"I think I'm gonna puke."

Junmyeon doesn't allow him time to linger. Within an instance, he yanks the blanket from Sehun's body and is hauling him off the couch and steadying him on his feet, firmly planting both hands on his shoulders to prevent him from falling over. Sehun gags as a wave of nausea hits him. Without thinking, Junmyeon bends down and scoops him up in the bridal position and hurries to the direction of the bathroom as Sehun instructs.

Fortunately Sehun is too drunk to fully realise what is happening. Perhaps it's better this way.

He is dumped unceremoniously in front of the toilet, Junmyeon muttering something under his breath as he scurries out of the room. Not only is he making himself scarce to grant Sehun's privacy, but he also really, really hates vomit.

To make himself useful, Junmyeon goes into the kitchen to find some medicine. He refills the glass of water and brings him two painkillers, deciding against bringing another lot of rice cakes as he probably won't want to eat. Junmyeon doesn't really know how Sehun will handle himself in this situation, nor has he ever really had to look after someone drunk like this, but he's going to try his best for Sehun's sake. If he can just prove to Sehun he's there for him then maybe he will start to trust him more.

Junmyeon tells himself it's not as selfish as it sounds. Of course he wants to help Sehun, there just so happens to be some benefits in it for him too.

He leans against the doorway, trying to overcome his grimace.

"You okay, Sehun?"

The younger man flashes a weak thumbs up before retching and turning away again. Even in this disgusting moment, Junmyeon still can't help but smile slightly. He tries not to realise how quickly and seriously he has fallen for Sehun, he doesn't want those thoughts to spoil their time together.

Eventually, Sehun manages to recover and clumsily get to his feet. He drinks half the glass of water in one gulp before swilling his mouth out with mouthwash which Junmyeon conveniently placed on the sink. He flashes his boss a sheepish smile over his shoulder.

"Sorry about that."

"Don't worry about it. What are friends for?"

Sehun rubs his eyes. "You keep saying that. That we're friends."

"Because we are." Junmyeon is puzzled, if not a little hurt. He knows whatever Sehun is saying probably isn't what he genuinely thinks, he's drunk and talking nonsense, yet it's still a little low blow.

"It sounds like you're trying to convince yourself."

The breath catches slightly in his throat. Unknowingly, Sehun has just hit the nail on the head. If he's able to detect it in his inebriated state, what must he think when he is sober? Is it something he thinks a lot? Does he know something is wrong with Junmyeon? Are his feelings for his assistant completely transparent? Joohyun likes to tease him about it but that's because she's Joohyun- but she is also incredibly perceptive and intelligent.

It feels like ice has been injected into Junmyeon's veins. He never even considered the notion of Sehun seeing through his act. If he has, what does he think? Surely if he thought Junmyeon had feelings for him he would bring it up, he's too blunt to just ignore something like that. He would probably also take great pleasure in rejecting Junmyeon; they may be on better terms now but Sehun still has a mean streak.

"More like I'm trying to convince you," the older man sniffs. "You don't seem to like me all that much sometimes."

A smug expression crosses Sehun's countenance. "Wouldn't you like to know what I really think."

Junmyeon doesn't have time to decipher this cryptic message. Sehun goes to make his way out of the bathroom on unsteady feet, tripping over the showermat at the last minute and stumbling right into Junmyeon's arms. The older man manages to catch him in time, reeling slightly at the sudden weight crashing into him. It doesn't help that Sehun is so lethargic which only makes him heavier.

Sehun throws his long arms around Junmyeon's neck to balance himself, their cheeks are only inches away from being pressed together. He thinks, if he so wanted, he could turn his head ever so slightly and kiss Junmyeon if he so wished. But he doesn't want to. These confusing feelings have only appeared recently, this isn't something he wants to act on unless he's totally certain about them. His sudden crush on Junmyeon could just be a result of their relationship improving over the past couple of weeks. Sehun knows not to push it. Especially when his job is on the line. It's more than likely Junmyeon would push him away in disgust and fire him on the spot.

"You should probably go to bed," suggests Junmyeon softly, barely able to hear himself speak over his pulse thundering in his ears. Sehun's hot breath fans across his cheeks making him shudder.

"Carry me?"

The older man scoffs. "I'll help you, but not carry you."

Sehun drapes himself on Junmyeon like a crutch. Considering the height difference, it is quite humorous that the taller of the two is leaning on the smaller one for support. His arm is still wrapped around Junmyeon's neck while Junmyeon loops his arm around Sehun's slim waist, trying not to accidentally dig his fingers into the defined muscle on his stomach.

As they slowly make their way down the hall, Junmyeon pauses to look at the cluster of photos on the wall. They are set in a huge photo frame with various size lacquered white frames. Squinting, Junmyeon leans forward to see what is inside them. Sehun's eyes are fluttering shut so he doesn't seem to notice. Truthfully, Junmyeon is being nosy and wanting to see if he can find any trace of Sehun's family. His assistant is weirdly tight-lipped about them. So Junmyeon is trying to find any clues about them as he can. So far he has seen nothing. It's probably wrong of him to snoop this way, but what Sehun doesn't know can't hurt him.

It doesn't take him long to realise that these photos are of the same two people; Sehun and his roommate. Judging by the age of some of the photos, it seems like they have known each other since they were young- high school age or maybe even earlier. Junmyeon doesn't know a lot about Sehun's roommate as he's very private about him for some reason. From what he garners from the photos, they are very close. The two of them have been on an array of adventures; there's pictures of them on vacation together, stood at the bottom of an immense waterfall, at the beach, in the practise rooms at university, a blurry selfie in a nightclub, splashing around in a swimming pool, dressed in smart suits at somebody's wedding, and one of them stood outside of their apartment door proudly holding up a 'welcome home' sign.

There is a common denominator in nearly all of these photos; their arms are always wound tightly around each other's waists, or Sehun is looking at him with an awed smile on his face. His eyes soft, lips upturned in the softest expression Junmyeon has ever seen him with.

An unpleasant hotness spreads throughout Junmyeon's gut as he studies the photos, telling himself there must be a reason for it. Probably a coincidence.

"This is Kyungsoo's boyfriend?" Junmyeon asks quietly. "He's... beautiful."

"That's Jongin," murmurs Sehun. There is an undeniable tenderness in his tone.

"Where is he now?"

"Him and Kyungsoo went to Jeju Island," Sehun spits, face twisting in bitterness. "For a romantic weekend away."

Junmyeon's stomach swoops. There is no mistaking Sehun's tone, it's perfectly clear what he is insinuating.

Sehun looks forlorn. "It shouldn't be Kyungsoo. He had everything right under his nose and he never saw it."

His grip on Sehun accidentally becomes tighter, a subsequent reaction of feeling the painful punch in his gut. Junmyeon knew, of course he did, that Sehun's heart would inevitably belong to another- let alone his best friend and roommate- but that doesn't lessen the pain. In fact, it makes the prospect so much more real. The realisation that this painfully awkward tiptoeing around one another is all it will ever be.

That no matter what Junmyeon does, he will never be what Sehun wants or needs.

Suddenly it becomes a blessing that Sehun is so drunk he's barely aware of his surroundings. Junmyeon can rapidly blink the hotness out of his eyes without arousing suspicion, valiantly trying to swallow the hard lump forming in his throat.

He knew all along. Why is he so upset?

Did he really think he was worth it?

Did he truly think it would ever work?

Junmyeon manages to lug Sehun to his bedroom, ignoring how much the younger man's touch burns. The worst thing is, Junmyeon doesn't think he's going to get over his feelings anytime soon. While he knows hope is lost, his affection for Sehun has been festering inside him for so long it's going to be a while before it goes away again. As long as his assistant is by his side, he's not going to be able to forget about him.

However, he refuses to fire him on this basis alone. It wouldn't be fair. For now he will simply have to live with it until he can formulate a better plan. Now isn't the time to think about it.

Fortunately, Sehun is already in his pyjamas so Junmyeon doesn't have to go through the turmoil of trying to get him dressed before bed. All he has to do is gently place him onto the bed and fluff up his pillows to make it comfier for him. Sehun sighs happily, sinking down into the mattress and pulling the duvet right up to his chin.

"Get some sleep," Junmyeon advises. "You'll feel better in the morning."

"Are you not staying?" Sehun asks, looking up at him from underneath his eyelashes.

Junmyeon shakes his head. "You don't want that," he says softly. He knows full well that Sehun would wake up tomorrow morning and be mortified that he invited Junmyeon to sleep over. In fact, Sehun will probably be annoyed enough that he came to the apartment in the first place. Junmyeon has had a rough night, his emotions all over the place, he doesn't think they can endure much more stress.

Sehun whines, "I don't want to be alone."

"Don't get clingy on me, Oh," teases Junmyeon. "It doesn't suit you."

"Fuck off."

Junmyeon shakes his head fondly. "Goodnight, Sehun."

Sehun closes his eyes and Junmyeon leans forward to gently pat his hair. Instead of protesting, the younger man makes a small pleased sound and smiles slightly. Junmyeon assumes this is completely unrelated.

As he is walking out of the dark room, he doesn't see Sehun silently reaching out for him.

***

The next morning, Sehun can barely open his eyes due to the apocalyptic pounding in his head. Searing pain lances through his eyeballs, causing him to throw his arm over his face and exhale sharply.

He can barely summon the energy to roll over and reach for his phone. He's been awake a few minutes but he can scarcely remember what happened last night. He remembers saying goodbye to Jongin with the most clarity, starting the bottle of wine but things become hazy after that. He recalls being held in someone's arms, feeling their warm body pressing against his own as their breath tickled the shell of his ears. His heart lurches at the physical memory.

Was it Baekhyun? Chanyeol? No. Something in the back of his mind tells him that isn't right.

Eventually, after some great effort and steeling himself, Sehun manages to fully roll over and crack his eyes open enough to see his nightstand. To his surprise, he can make out the shape of a glass and his phone.

Switching on his lamp, he reaches for the glass of water and box of medicine that has been left out. Seeing as he can't remember taking himself to bed, he just assumes he preemptively set them out last night knowing he would need them in the morning.

As he fumbles for his phone, his fingertips brush over something rough that crackles slightly. With a frown he realises he's running his hands over a piece of paper. He pulls it out from underneath his phone and brings it inches away from his face to read it through his slightly blurred vision.

His heart sinks deep into the recesses of his chest. Vomit rises up his throat as he takes in the words on the page, dizziness overwhelming as realisation eventually dawns across him.

Cheer up Sehunnie

Everything will be okay in the end

You still have me :D

Jun

Chapter 21: Chapter Twenty-One

"This is a bad idea."

"No it's not. I've never had a better idea, in fact. Even better than when I drank vodka through my eyes and they swelled shut for a week."

Sehun rolls his eyes, turning to face Jongin as he adjusts himself in the mirror, smoothing down the shirt on his shoulders. His best friend touches it with the upmost of reverence, fingertips gliding over the silky texture and admiring the intricate pattern. It isn't something Sehun would usually wear, his style is a lot more lowkey and monochromatic, but since Junmyeon gifted him this shirt and told him to wear it for the occasion, he didn't see how he had much choice.

(When Junmyeon presented him with the giftwrapped Gucci box, Sehun had been completely confused and wondered why he was entrusting him with something so precious. He just looked at Junmyeon in puzzlement wondering if he was meant to pass it onto someone.

"Don't look at it like that," the older man rolled his eyes. "It's for you."

Those words didn't sink into Sehun's brain straightaway. He remained staring at Junmyeon in confusion, waiting for him to begin laughing and confessing it's all a joke- that Sehun would open the box and it would be empty, or filled with smaller boxes like a game of pass the parcel.

"Why?"

He shrugged easily. "Because I don't want you showing me up when we go for dinner."

"You never change, sir.")

"I'm not sure what you're planning tonight but it's not going to work," says Sehun.

Jongin sighs exaggeratedly. "Why must every nice deed I do be misconstrued? Have a little faith, Sehun. Your constant nihilism gets exhausting sometimes."

Had Jongin just been involved, Sehun would be less sceptical; it's the presence of Baekhyun and Chanyeol that sets his teeth on edge. After their behaviour the other weekend in the park, he dreads to think how they will act around Junmyeon tonight. With the accusations they have been bombarding Sehun with ever since he started working for Junmyeon, he dreads to think what kind of idiotic plan they've devised to try and get him and Junmyeon closer. He forewarned them it wasn't going to work, yet they had remained infuriatingly mysterious about the whole thing.

"You'll see for yourself that whatever you think is going on between Junmyeon and me isn't true." Sehun adjusts himself in the mirror one last time. All things considering, paired with his most expensive jeans and boots, the Gucci shirt looks good on him. Junmyeon has good taste, he'll give his boss that.

By some miracle, Sehun managed to convince Junmyeon to accompany him and his friends to dinner. Weirdly enough, he seemed ecstatic about his invite. He went as far to tell Sehun it would be his pleasure. He was all the more excited when Jongin managed to convince Kyungsoo to come, which, apparently, took a lot more effort.

"It'll be fun," Junmyeon beamed.

"As fun as brain surgery without anesthetic."

"Oh shush," his boss elbowed him. "Why don't you want me to meet your friends? Are you worried they'll spill all your darkest secrets to me?"

He was only joking, of course, but Sehun knows this is exactly the kind of thing they'd do. Going by other double dates they have been on in the past, Sehun is well within his rights to dread whatever is about to come. It only makes it all the worse that Sehun cares more about Junmyeon than he ever did the other guys he introduced his friends to. Not only is his job potentially on the line, but his relationship with Junmyeon is too. And that isn't something he's willing to so easily give up.

Ever since that night Junmyeon came round when Sehun was drunk, his feelings for his boss have only become endlessly more complicated. He doesn't remember a thing he said to him, which makes it even scarier. Sehun wasn't brave enough to ask Junmyeon whether he accidentally spilled his guts to him, revealing the secrets he has so determinedly buried deep down inside him; Junmyeon never alluded to anything like this so Sehun assumed he was in the clear. Yet, something awful in the back of his mind tells him he's not. He just doesn't have the nerve to persist further.

Sehun has started to see Junmyeon in a different light and it's terrifying him.

He promised himself from the word go he would never become enthralled with his boss, realising it would be futile if he ever did. The best thing he could do was distance himself and build up his walls as high as possible so Junmyeon could never overcome them. But in this short time he has. He has completely broken Sehun down in a way he never imagined was possible, especially by someone like him.

Even looking at Jongin now, Sehun does not feel the same, familiar tug in his heart anymore. He doesn't know when this change came about, everything has been so confusing lately it's hard to pinpoint an exact moment. Not that it makes any difference. It doesn't change how he feels, no matter how much he wishes it would.

Sehun wishes there was an easy escape from this. To avoid Junmyeon would mean losing his job which he's not prepared to do, but he doesn't know if he can remain in the older man's company agonising himself every single day. With the knowledge that he will never feel the same. Sehun doesn't open up easily, nor does he fall like this, but Junmyeon has done the impossible and seen right through him. Sehun finds it unfair that Junmyeon can have this hold on him whereas he remains thoroughly unaffected. The older man doesn't have to worry about exposing his true feelings towards Sehun because there are none and there never will be.

Sehun should have learned his lesson about falling for people who don't feel the same, but he never learns.

Underneath his stone cold heart, there is a scared, vulnerable man.

Jongin shepherds him out of the apartment, claiming that if they don't hurry up then they'll miss their reservations. With how difficult it is to secure a table at the restaurant they are going to- the waiting list being four months long- they can't afford to be late. It took a lot of weedling on Kyungsoo's PA's behalf to get them booked in.

As always Sehun is the designated driver, but after his behaviour the last time he was drunk he doesn't mind not touching alcohol. The thought of humiliating himself even further in front of Junmyeon burns him like a wildfire. Not knowing what he said to Junmyeon the other night is eating him alive with fear, but his boss is annoyingly tight-lipped about it. Does he have information he can hold over Sehun? Is he waiting for the next opportunity to scathe him with it?

Fortunately, Sehun doesn't have much time to dwell on this. Once Baekhyun and Chanyeol get in the car, his attention is turned on them and attempting to calm them down before they arrive. He warns them that if they step even as much as one foot out of line he'll never speak to them again and ensure Junmyeon gets a restraining order against them. Baekhyun just blows a raspberry in his direction, telling him to lighten up and pull the stick out of his ass.

That's just it, these strange feelings for Junmyeon have put a stick up his ass. Every day he gets angrier with himself for allowing himself to be so foolish, cursing his lack of self-government. And now his friends are only going to become more suspicious of him. It's too shameful to admit they were right all along, that they know him far too well and knew eventually Junmyeon would get the better of him. Sehun refuses to let them be right.

When they arrive, Sehun hands his car keys over to the bored looking valet and warns him not to damage it.

"I've parked two Ferraris and a Bentley already tonight," the valet scoffs. "Do you really think I care about your shitty Kia?"

Sehun, now humbled, hurries inside and tries to ignore his friend's braying laughter.

Once inside, they are led up to a private room on the third floor where they will be left in peace for the remainder of the night. Both Kyungsoo and Junmyeon are fully aware of the risks they run by being spotted in public, especially with ordinary people who have not been exposed to the media (minus Sehun) yet they still agreed to come.

"This place is so fancy," Chanyeol says in a hushed voice. "The walls are velvet."

Baekhyun slings an arm around his shoulder. "Get used to it, baby. This is our ticket to the high life."

Jongin snorts. "No chance, you gold-digger."

"You're just worried I'll seduce Kyungsoo. We have a very passionate relationship, you know."

Jongin simply rolls his eyes.

"How can anyone afford this?" Chanyeol muses. "How are we affording it?"

"Our dates have us covered," assures Jongin. "Relax, you're gonna start breaking out in hives."

"I don't have a sugar daddy!" Protests Baekhyun. "Who's paying for me?"

"You know Kyungsoo has you covered."

Baekhyun smirks. "Now you really need to watch out, Jongin."

Normally Sehun would have protested furiously against the allegations of Junmyeon being both his date and his sugar daddy, yet he just doesn't have the strength. He just wants to get tonight out of the way as quickly as possible. If he can make it through this, then Baekhyun and Chanyeol's interest in Junmyeon will be sated and they'll never bother with him again. At least this way Sehun can avoid further complications, nipping it in the bud before they can all become attached to one another. He has no idea how long things with him and Junmyeon will last, so it's better to sever all emotional bonds.

"Are you okay?" Chanyeol whispers into his ear. "You're quiet."

"I'm okay."

"Nervous?"

"A little."

Sehun supposes, if he had to choose one person to spill his guts out to, it would probably be Chanyeol. While he may sometimes behave like a lumbering puppy, he can be extremely wise and has the broadest shoulder to cry on. Sehun has no doubt that Chanyeol would offer him a solution out of this mess and would talk it through with him no matter how long it took, nor would he expose him to the rest of his friends. He's perhaps the most trustworthy friend Sehun has, and the most caring in his own way.

Sehun just can't bring himself to. Admitting it would be accepting defeat.

The waiter ushers them into their designated room, bowing lowly and telling them someone will come to take their drink orders in a few minutes once they are settled. Sehun's heart flip flops pathetically as his eyes land on Junmyeon straight away, paying little mind to the extravagant decor. His tunnel vision can only focus on one thing.

They lock eyes. Junmyeon offers him a small smile, the candlelight illuminating his face in a beautiful orange glow. A lump grows in Sehun's throat. His legs don't feel like his own, he feels rooted to the spot, unable to move forward. Only when Jongin gives him a small nudge does he manage to stumble forward.

Thankfully nobody is focusing on Sehun, they're too busy greeting their boyfriends or in Baekhyun's case, awkwardly taking a seat and helping himself to the bottle of champagne that has been cooling in a bucket.

Junmyeon stands up and greets Sehun with a brief slap-on-the-back hug. Electricity jolts through both of them at the contact but they remain poker faced, neither of them any the wiser to their true feelings. In the low light, Sehun doesn't notice the pink tint on Junmyeon's cheekbones.

He takes his seat next to the older man, ignoring the heat emanating from the close proximity. Across from them sits Baekhyun, Jongin and Kyungsoo, beside him is Chanyeol and Minseok. Sehun greets Minseok and Kyungsoo with quick handshakes and a strained smile. Nobody can tell how he is truly feeling.

"That shirt looks good," his boss murmurs so the others don't hear. "You can thank me later."

"For what?" Sehun hisses. "I didn't even ask for it."

Junmyeon raises his eyebrows. "Touchy."

Sehun closes his eyes and breathes in sharply, trying to level himself. "Sorry," he mumbles. The last thing he wants to do is arouse suspicion.

"Don't worry about it," Junmyeon smiles, utterly gentlemanly and perfect- as ever. "Are you okay though? You look a little bit tense."

"I'm fine," he grumbles, unravelling his napkin and laying it on his knees. "I just want to get tonight over with."

"Am I really that terrible company?"

"Yes," he deadpans, but Junmyeon's lips tug upright in a smile. Both of them are aware he's joking.

As of late, Junmyeon has been feeling much more content with their relationship. Whereas it is eating Sehun alive.

Mercifully, there is little time to talk amongst themselves before Kyugnsoo is instructing everyone to select their drinks for when the waiter arrives, not wanting to inconvenience them. Baekhyun remarks that this is thoughtful for a celebrity which earns him a kick under the table from both Kyungsoo and Jongin, making him double over in pain with a groan.

Sehun and Kyungsoo are the designated drivers tonight so they simply order lemon water, while the others squabble over which alcoholic drinks they should all have and which ones would go better with their food. Junmyeon opts for a glass of red wine, which Sehun has learned is his favourite drink, but the mere thought of it makes his stomach churn. If there was anything to come out of his drunken escapades the other weekend, it was the realisation that he's not going to drink again for as long as he lives.

"Not drinking, Sehun?" Teases Junmyeon.

"Never again in this lifetime."

"That's a shame..." The older man says wistfully. "You're cute when you're drunk."

Sehun stiffens up at his words, hands balling into fists as a flush burns throughout his body. His suspicions have been right all along, he knew he must've said something to Junmyeon that he's been withholding for some reason. Just how damning was it? If Junmyeon is teasing him about it, maybe it wasn't too bad. But Sehun knows how careless he can be when he's drunk, unable to stop the nonsense from tumbling out of his lips. There have been many moments where he's almost poured his heart out to Jongin only to manage to pull himself back at the very last moment. It wouldn't surprise him in the slightest if this had happened with Junmyeon.

"Good thing you're never going to see me like that again."

His boss pouts. "Meanie."

Sehun doesn't like how careless Junmyeon is being, how flirty he is. There's a time and place for such behaviour- not that Sehun is complaining, exactly- he just doesn't want to do it in front of his friends. It's almost like Junmyeon is acting up on purpose for the benefit of the audience.

"You two seem to be getting along well," Minseok remarks with a knowing smile. "Finally overcome all your differences?"

Junmyeon looks across at the younger man with a smile. "He's warming up to me."

"You wish."

"God I can sense the sexual tension from here," Baekhyun shakes his head. "Just kiss already."

Despite his previous display of confidence, even Junmyeon cannot overcome this comment. He simply stares down at the table, unwittingly mirroring Sehun's own actions. Chanyeol and Jongin raise their eyebrows pityingly while Kyungsoo watches carefully, head cocked in consideration.

"Um... what does everyone want to eat?" Minseok asks brightly, desperately trying to salvage the conversation.

Grateful for the distraction, Sehun leans closer to Baekhyun and whispers, "I will not hesitate to throw you out of the window."

To which, Baekhyun replies infuriatingly sage, "You'll never get the things you want in life by acting coy, Sehun."

He doesn't have time to fathom these words before Junmyeon thrusts a menu into his hand, reassuring him he can order whatever he wants on the menu- not to worry about the price. While Sehun is tempted to order the most expensive thing out of spite, his stomach is so knotted that he doesn't think he can manage to eat even the smallest of portions. In the end he ends up agreeing to have whatever Junmyeon is having, figuring he might as well play up on this date fantasy that his friends are so intent on creating.

Minseok and Kyungsoo are deep in conversation once their orders have been taken, so Junmyeon turns to Sehun's friends in an attempt to make them feel included and show politeness.

"So, what can you guys tell me about Sehun?"

"I'm sitting right here," the man in question mumbles as Baekhyun and Junmyeon lean over him to hear each other better. Chanyeol leans across the table to join in too, eyes glimmering with the opportunity to show Sehun up. It's what they've both been waiting for, after all.

Baekhyun claps his hands. "Where do we start with our Sehunnie? There's so much to say... Like how he eats toenail clippings- sometimes not even his own."

"He wears adult diapers," Chanyeol intervenes.

"One time at the McDonald's drive-thru he was so drunk he took off his clothes and tried to crawl in through the window naked."

"He says 'let me put you onto something' and plays Tame Impala."

"I made him eat a worm as a dare once. There was no monetary reward, he just ate the worm."

"That only happened last month, too."

"Has he told you about his piss kink?"

"What about the time he passed out in an elementary school playground and woke up stuck in a slide?"

"Okay I think we've heard enough," Sehun says loudly. "Thank you for that, you two. You've assured us you're the funniest people in the room- but looking at the company that's not a difficult feat."

Sehun is glaringly aware of Junmyeon's gaze burning a hole into his side profile. When he eventually turns to face him he's greeted by Junmyeon's utterly bewildered expression.

"A what kink?"

"Want me to explain?" Baekhyun asks sweetly, fluttering his eyelashes.

Sehun grabs hold of his head and shoves it away as firmly as possible, trying to overpower him and smash his skull against the edge of the table. Baekhyun manages to wiggle out of his grip at the last second.

"I had no idea you were such an interesting person," remarks Junmyeon. "It must be the cold personality that makes you seem boring."

"Says the man who collects stamps."

"Hey!" Junmyeon scowls. "I've been doing that since I was a kid. It's not boring, it's enriching."

"We're not here to talk about boring, old Sehun though," Chanyeol rests his chin on his hand. "What about you, Junmyeon?"

Minseok glances over at Sehun, who can only shrug in response. Really, he should have expected that everyone at the table would want to take Junmyeon's clothes off and ravage him. It's just a natural response seeing someone so hot. This of course only inflates Junmyeons' ego a tenfold. He puffs up under all of the attention, like an oversized pigeon. Knowing that he cares about other people's opinions- and not just Sehun's- makes him sick.

Not that he thinks he should be the sole receiver of Junmyeon's affection, obviously. But he didn't bring him here just to be fawned over by his friends.

Sehun manages to shoulder in and spark up a conversation with Junmyeon about something that happened with the producer on set, so Baekhyun and Chanyeol have no choice but to take a step back and talk to one another instead. They keep sharing knowing looks at one another, eyes flickering over to Sehun and Junmyeon who are talking lowly with their heads together, completely unaware- like they are the only people in the room.

While he would never admit it, Sehun doesn't actually mind his friend's presence; he just doesn't want them interacting with Junmyeon.If they are here, it's easier to imagine that Junmyeon is just a friend too- that Sehun views him as part of the group and doesn't yearn for something deeper from him. He can imagine that Junmyeon is someone he has been friends with for years, that there is nothing but platonic, brotherly affection between them.

Yet, every time Junmyeon laughs or the candlelight catches his eyes, Sehun is all too painfully reminded that this is not the case at all. It physically hurts trying to restrain these thoughts from pouring to the forefront of his mind. Maintaining composure is becoming harder and harder these days.

Then Sehun loses Junmyeon for the second time when Kyungsoo asks him an offhand question about the current drama he's starring in. Because the two friends rarely have a chance to catch up, this innocent inquiry spirals into a full-blown conversation that Sehun has no other choice but to sit back and observe. It's strange seeing Kyungsoo talking so animatedly when usually he only replies to Sehun in monosyllables or grunts. Admittedly he has become friendlier as of late, but, nonetheless.

"How are you finding being on a set, Sehun?" The bespectacled man asks him, startling him out of his reverie.

"It's... okay," he says uncertainly.

"It's weird, huh?"

"Yeah, a little. I think I prefer it to working on the musical. At least being on set is more interesting."

"Tell me about it," Junmyeon rolls his eyes. "God I'm glad all that's over."

"You won't be saying that when you sweep award season."

Junmyeon smirks, stretching his hands. "What can I say? The people love to see me."

Sehun and Kyungsoo retch simultaneously.

Eventually their food is brought to them and provides a catharsis so Sehun can collect his thoughts. He's managed to survive at least half of the night without things failing spectacularly, all he needs to do is get through the final push and he's home free. In a couple of hours he'll be tucked up in bed, the whole night a distant memory; he'll be saved from any further thoughts about Junmyeon and how beautifully his shirt is clinging to his biceps.

This motion is ridiculous, of course, because there's hardly a part of the day when Sehun isn't thinking about his boss. When he's at work he's busy running around after him, but the mental torture conntinues at home too. It's like the older man has been tattooed on his frontal lobe, impossible to shake off.

Which Sehun is sure was his intention all along.

Of course Junmyeon would want Sehun to pine after him when there is no chance he could ever be his. Of course he would want to stake claim on Sehun just because he can- he's Kim Junmyeon, he gets whatever he wants. Sehun hates himself for playing right into his hands.

"Can you pass the salt, Daddy?" Baekhyun asks.

The table falls into silence, staring at him with a mixture of bewilderment and mortification.

"Ah," Baekhyun says. "Apparently that trick only works when your actual father is sat at the table."

Junmyeon reaches forward for the salt shaker but Sehun manages to grab his wrist before he can.

"Don't you dare pass him that salt."

***

The night wraps up fairly successfully. While their dates handle the astronomical bill (Sehun happened to glance over Junmyeon's shoulder and his eyes almost melted out of their sockets when he saw the amount of zeroes) Sehun and his friends head outside to wait for them. They huddle together and stamp their feet to try and ward off the cold, encasing Sehun in the middle since he is the youngest.

"I can't believe it's winter already," grumbles Jongin, blowing into his hands. "Where has the year gone?"

Sehun wonders this himself. It only seems like yesterday he was told by Jongdae he'd got the job as Junmyeon's PA. And look at him now, standing in as Junmyeon's totally-not-date for the night. He can't help the small smile that creeps onto his face.

Chanyeol shivers. "I feel so bad about the bill."

"What, you were gonna pay for it?" Snorts Sehun. "You have sixty cents in your bank."

"Sixty five cents, actually."

"Here they are," Jongin points with a slightly blue finger, to where the men in question are walking towards them. Sehun tries not to think about how heart-achingly handsome Junmyeon looks in his blazer, his head turned towards Kyungsoo and laughing carefreely at something he's saying. In these candid moment where he looks his most beautiful it reminds Sehun why he ever began to fall for him in the first place.

These thoughts that Sehun once so desperately tried to repress are becoming worse every day. He thinks his subconscious has just worn out and is letting it happen at this point, utterly powerless. Sehun too has learnt to accept them.

"Before we go, can we take a picture so I can post it on my finsta?" Baekhyun asks.

Minseok raises an eyebrow. "You're twenty seven and you have a finsta?"

Baekhyun shrugs, unashamed. "My fans need me."

"No," Kyungsoo deadpans.

At the same time, Junmyeon beams "Sure."

"Junmyeon, as your publicist I'm going to have to intervene. You can take a photo but don't post it on social media."

"God," Baekyun grumbles. "I wasn't even gonna."

Eventually, after several failed attempts, shaky selfies and squabbles over who gets to stand where in the frame, they are ready to go home. Sehun is taking Baekhyun home and then dropping Chanyeol off at Minseok's place, whereas Kyungsoo is taking Junmyeon home and taking Jongin back to his own house. Sehun and Junmyeon's goodbye is brief, a simple, formal one-armed hug before Sehun quickly retreats to his car. He's glad it was impersonal, he wouldn't want his friends to pry into their private moments like that.

He phases out the bickering of his friends over who gets to ride shotgun. First it starts out as a game of rock paper scissors; then an arm wrestle on the bonnet of the car, but when Sehun glimpses them rolling their sleeves up and preparing for a physical altercation he intervenes and tells Chanyeol to get in the back with Minseok, who has been watching the whole display with rapt interest. Like he was watching two mating birds in a zoo.

"Tonight was good," Minseok remarks. "I really enjoyed myself."

"Me too," Chanyeol agrees. Sehun catches them holding hands in his rearview mirror.

"I felt so bougie," Baekhyun says. "I think I might have to get a sugar daddy too. Do you have any single friends, Minseok? Does Junmyeon?"

Chanyeol leans forward, sticking his head between the two front seats. "Sehun is pretty rich now."

Sehun elbows him in the nose, causing him to recoil with a yelp, clutching his nose in pain.

"Sehun is spoken for unfortunately," Baekhyun sighs dramatically. "I can't tell who I want to be most; Sehun or Junmyeon."

Sehun grips his steering wheel so tightly his knuckles almost pop out of their sockets. "He's straight," he iterates through gritted teeth.

"Chanyeol used to say he was and look at him now- he's the biggest fruity pebble out of all of us."

"Can we please not talk about this in front of my boyfriend."

"You're totally wrong. You don't know Junmyeon like I do."

"Actually," Minseok's quiet voice pipes up from the back seat. "I think I know him the best out of anyone. He's calmed down a lot this year- ever since you started working for him. He doesn't get in as much trouble. He seems a lot happier too."

Sehun's breath hitches at the mere implications, not daring to believe it. "That's just because he's so busy, he doesn't have time to get into trouble anymore."

Baekhyun sinks further into his seat. "Oh boy. Someone needs to tell you your boss is in love with you."

Sehun is thankful that the car is dark so his eagle-eyed friends don't detect his heavy blush. Deep down he knows they're just saying these things to get to him, that they don't truly understand how much their words affect him because they just assume the Junmyeon-and-Sehun saga is all a big joke; nowadays, it's all starting to hit a bit close to home.

"You know, Sehun," begins Minseok, sounding cautious. Sehun already knows he's not going to like whatever is about to come out of his mouth. "Chanyeol and I noticed that-"

"Do you two talk about me behind my back?"

At the same time as Minseok cries, "No!", Chanyeol says, "Yes."

"Brilliant," the younger man grumbles.

"We both noticed that... well... maybe you and Junmyeon might be a bit closer than just colleagues."

"So?" He asks defensively. "We're friends too. That's why he even agreed to come on this dumb night out."

"Keep telling yourself that, sweetcheeks," hums Baekhyun. "Friends don't take each other on early morning rendezvouses and buy them breakfast after."

"That you ruined!"

"In our defence, we were looking out for you. We thought you might have been kidnapped or being held hostage, because since when the fuck do you wake up before ten am on a Sunday?"

Since I met Junmyeon.

"What's it going to take for you to realise that he likes you too?" Chanyeol demands. "I don't even know the guy but I could tell he feels the same way-"

"I don't like him!" Sehun yells, slamming his hand down on the steering wheel. His horn blares through the stunned atmosphere, causing them all to jump slightly at the sudden noise. Echoing silence ensues, everyone holds their breath.

Sehun hangs his head. "I don't," he says quietly.

Baekhyun pats his hand consolingly. "Whatever you say, babe."

***

Sehun is mere moments away from falling asleep when his phone begins vibrating on his nightstand. With an annoyed grunt he manages to prise open his eyes enough to locate the source of the noise, ready to cuss out whoever is ringing him so late at night.

He doesn't expect Junmyeon to be the perpetrator.

"This isn't a bad time, is it?"

"No, no, not at all," the younger man grouses. "It's only midnight."

"Did I wake you up? Sorry about that." He doesn't sound sorry in the slightest. In fact, his tone is light and teasing. Had he not just disturbed Sehun's sleep he would think it was cute.

"What do you want?"

"I just wanted to say I had a really nice time tonight. Thank you for inviting me."

Sehun feels like a high schooler with a crush, after taking his sweetheart to the movies and offering to pay for them. It's so immature that it makes his skin crawl. Even back then he was never good at accepting affection or sentiments such as these. Coming from Junmyeon it's even worse. Simultaneously the praise sets him alight and washes his stomach with cold dread.

"It's okay," he mumbles. "It's not a big deal."

"Yeah but it was to me," his boss says. "I don't- I haven't really got many friends so it meant a lot to me that you included me with yours."

Right. That. Sehun feels like now isn't the best time to admit that his friends actually set this up as a bizarre triple date so they could snoop on their relationship and psychoanalyse their every movement, to then hound him about it in the aftermath. Innocent Junmyeon thinks it was just a friendly gesture, not totally self-indulgent on his friend's part.

"Well, you know," he says awkwardly. "It's fine. And, uh, sorry about Baekhyun borderline harassing you."

Junmyeon chuckles. "It's fine. I like him- I like all of them." He mumbles something that Sehun doesn't quite catch. Junmyeon is too embarrassed to admit that the childish words 'not as much as you' just slipped out of his mouth.

Sehun is stuck as to what to say. Usually he has too much to say to Junmyeon, but now his mouth feels dry and words fail him. Is it because of the intimate nature of this situation; the late night phone call, thanking him for taking him out tonight, the soft exchanges and delicate words.

Sehun is starting to feel like Junmyeon is doing all of this on purpose. Toying with him like a cat would a mouse.

In a spur of utter madness, Sehun blurts out, "Do you actually mean it?"

He can almost hear Junmyeon's palpable confusion. "Pardon?"

"When you say all these things to me," Sehun says, his tone pathetic. "Are you just... I don't know. Leading me on, or something?"

There's silence on the other end. Sehun holds his breath, terrified he's accidentally overstepped a boundary and Junmyeon is going to hang up on him.

"I care about you, Sehun," he says softly. "You're a good friend."

Sehun licks his dry lips. "Okay. That was all I wanted to know."

"Goodnight, Sehun. Sleep well."

The younger man can't reciprocate, choosing to hang up and stuff his phone under his pillow before curling up into a ball underneath the duvet.

You're a good friend.

Friend .

It seems that no matter which man Sehun has feelings for, he will never be able to escape this curse.

Chapter 22: Chapter Twenty-Two

It's not even nine am and Junmyeon wants to go home.

He's currently sat in his usual makeup chair as Chaeyoung flits around the trailer, occasionally breaking off to root in her makeup trunk (Junmyeon doesn't even wear that much makeup, he wonders how it all accumulates) and occasionally punctuating the serene silence with a throwaway comment. Truthfully, he's too exhausted to focus. He got back late last night, and when he was in bed he was plagued with bad dreams and intrusive thoughts so he couldn't sleep properly.

Not even seeing Sehun could cheer him up this morning.

Junmyeon is thrown too deep into confusion to get himself out of this despondency. It's very clear what he feels about Sehun- this has been unavoidable for a while now- yet at the same time he is so disgusted and conflicted with himself that even just thinking about it makes bile rise in this throat. He keeps hoping he will become accustomed to it, by slowly pushing the boundaries and stepping out of his comfort zone; so far, nothing has worked. Everything he does- and feels- only makes his loathing run deeper.

He feels... like he needs to get something off his chest. Like if talking about it would help. He's only ever come out to a few people officially and that was terrifying enough. But he has already run out of people he explicitly trusts.

Glancing over at Chaeyoung, the thought crosses his mind. Chaeyoung is gay, if anyone would understand it's her. And they've been friends for years now, being together ever since he first rose to fame. It's definitely a possibility.

Not now. He hasn't even had his first coffee yet. It's too heavy a topic to discuss this early in the morning.

***

The opportunity presents itself much sooner than he was expecting, almost as if the universe heard his internal dilemma and decided enough was enough- giving him the final push. Junmyeon has subconsciously been postponing this, now it is crunchtime.

It's lunchtime and Junmyeon's in his trailer waiting for Sehun to bring his lunch. This usually takes a while considering how many people want to eat at the same time, so Junmyeon knows he will get a brief period of catharsis until he returns. They've been walking on eggshells around each other all day, and both of them are wondering what caused it. For Sehun it was the phone call, for Junmyeon it was an accumulation.

Junmyeon is reading emails when Joohyun and Jisoo burst into his trailer unannounced. This is a regular occurrence, happening at least two times a day, so he's not really perturbed. It's what Joohyun says when she strides in that almost makes him topple off his chair in shock.

"How was your date last night?"

He freezes, eyes widening in horror as he slowly turns to face his coach with a disbelieving expression on his countenance. Joohyun, however, doesn't seem to notice it. She just shrugs off her coat, oblivious to the bomb she has just dropped.

"Date?" Jisoo's head snaps up, eyes glittering with mischief. "With who?"

Junmyeon bites down so hard on his back teeth it feels like they're about to shatter under the pressure. Joohyun wasn't even supposed to know he was going out with Sehun last night, she just happened to overhear them talking about it when she was lurking on set (and consequently teased Junmyeon about it for the entire day.)

Mercifully, she remains silent and lets Junmyeon do the talking, clearly realising she has overstepped a line. She must've assumed Jisoo already knew.

"It wasn't a date," he corrects. "I went to dinner with friends."

"I didn't know you had any friends."

He rolls his eyes. "Very funny."

"Just tell me who!" Jisoo nags, tugging at his sweater sleeve.

Joohyun purses her lips in the background, turning her head away innocently.

"Was it female friends? A double date? You have to tell me."

"Actually," Junmyeon rubs the back of his neck. "That's- uh- well. You see. About that. There's um..." He clears his throat. "There's something I need to tell you."

Joohyun's eyes widen in the background.

Jisoo cocks her head. "What is it?"

Junmyeon inhales deeply. He braces himself, clenching his fists and tightening every muscle in his body until they are taunt and ready to snap. He's desperately trying to keep himself together. Cold sweat trickles down the back of his neck. But he knows he has to go through with this. He's already said too much now, created too much suspicion, and if he puts it off, he'll never get round to saying it. And today of all days he just needs to get it off his chest.

Whatever happens in the aftermath he can deal with.

"I'm gay."

Stunned silence echoes around the cramped trailer. Jisoo freezes, Chaeyoung gawks at him in disbelief and Joohyun looks like she's holding her breath, almost as tense as Junmyeon. She makes direct eye contact with him in these several frozen seconds, nodding her head slightly as if to say he has done the right thing.

Now it's out in the open, and his friends are looking at him like he's just beamed down from Mars, he's very much regretting his decision. In no way does he feel less burdened. The heaviness still sits weightily on his shoulders, his chest is still so tight he can barely breathe. Why does he feel no satisfaction from this confession?

To his utter amazement, Jisoo begins laughing.

"Is that it?" She asks incredulously. "I thought something bad had happened! Never scare me like that again!"

"You're not bothered?"

"No! Why would I be?" She smiles at him, shaking her head fondly. "Junmyeon, if you haven't noticed you're in a room full of lesbians. How could we judge you?"

"Besides," Chaeyoung pipes up. "There's nothing to judge you for. You're still the same person you've always been, this changes nothing."

Junmyeon was expecting something much more catastrophic to happen. He was expecting them to react terribly, to degrade him and call him all the names he has been internally calling himself for years. For them to throw something, break something, threaten to expose him or blackmail him. He expected the walls to collapse around him, the ground to crumble and break and swallow him up.

The actual aftermath is disconcertingly quiet. All there is to be heard is a ringing in his brain and his heartbeat throbbing in his ears. His heart is still racing like he's just run a marathon, the adrenaline buzzing in his blood makes it feel like he has.

So, that's it. It's all over now. The thing he has been dreading for years, building up the courage to admit for months, is finally out of the way. He didn't die, he didn't lose any friends; Junmyeon tries to figure out what he was so worried about in the first place.

"Thanks," he says quietly.

"What for?" Chaeyoung asks. "We're your friends."

He's ashamed at the baby tears pricking his eyes. Friends. He's never really had many, so he isn't entirely sure how it's supposed to work. He knows some friendships can be ruined by announcements like this, he's just glad his are strong enough to withstand it.

"Does anyone else know?" Joohyun inquires.

Junmyeon shakes his head. "Just you guys. A couple of other friends. That's it."

"Does Sehun?"

Junmyeon freezes at Jisoo's words. They're innocuous enough, he realises why they strike such fear in him. It must be obvious to all of them.

"No," he says carefully. He tries to formulate an adequate enough excuse as to why. His mind is blank. "It's none of his business."

Chaeyoung cocks her head. "But you two seem so close."

"There's some things you just don't share with other people."

"I don't think he'd do anything to betray your trust."

"That's... that's not it," he mumbles.

All three women exchange confused glances at one another, watching the redness steadily rise in Junmyeon's cheeks. He looks extremely pained- or constipated, Jisoo thinks.

"Then... What is it?" Chaeyoung asks kindly.

Inhaling deeply, Junmyeon says in one rushed breath, "Because I like him."

For the second time in five minutes, it feels like a bomb has gone off in the trailer. Somehow, Junmyeon realises with bitter amusement, this confession makes him feel a lot worse. This is something he has never admitted out loud before. Now, the secret he has been holding so closely to his chest for weeks is finally out in the open. It should feel liberating being this honest. Of course, it doesn't.

"Seriously?" Chaeyoung's mouth hangs open in surprise. Junmyeon finds it strange how Chaeyoung of all people hasn't realised how close they are, how differently Junmyeon treats him to everyone else.

"I like him. He's cute, he brings me coffee, we go on runs..."

Joohyun looks and sounds exasperated. "Oh, Junmyeon."

"What?" He protests. "It's nothing! I-I just think he's nice." He then emits a groan and buries his face in his hands. Jisoo pats him consolingly on the back.

"He seems like he kind of hates you though," she points out. Not harshly, not slyly, just matter of fact.

Junmyeon sighs. "I'm trying to get him to warm up to me. Every time we get too close he pushes me away."

"He's probably scared," Jisoo says. "You do come with a lot of baggage."

He smiles weakly.

"I'll talk to him!" She suggests brightly.

Junmyeon chokes. "What? No you won't! I don't want him to know!"

"Why not?" She challenges. "You're scared he'll like you back?"

That's the furthest away from the truth. Junmyeon is actually terrified of rejection, especially from Sehun, whom he cares so deeply about. He knows Sehun is the only person who has the power to break his heart- the only person who would have the nerve to turn down the Kim Junmyeon. And for that, honestly, Junmyeon respects it. Perhaps this was the reason Junmyeon grew to like him so much, because Sehun treated him differently than everyone else- treated him like a real person.

Junmyeon manages to recover. "It's not professional," he rolls his eyes. "It'd only ruin everything."

"Sometimes you have to take these risks," says Chaeyoung. "You'll spend the rest of your life regretting the chances you never took."

That may be so, but Junmyeon would still rather walk barefoot on broken glass or eat batteries than ever admit how he felt for Sehun, let alone to his face.

"Leave it to me," Jisoo says. "Don't look like that, I'm not going to say anything. I'll just... hint."

"Jisoo, I'm not twelve. I don't need you meddling in my private life."

"You clearly do since you don't have the balls to do it yourself," she shoots."

Junmyeon sighs. He knows a lost battle when faced with one.

***

"I can't believe he likes Sehun!" Chaeyoung exclaims once everyone has left the trailer, leaving just her and Joohyun behind.

Joohyun rolls her eyes. "Of course he does. He's hopeless. This is exactly the type of thing he'd do."

"To be honest, I'm more surprised about that than finding out he's gay. I mean, I was surprised, a little. But... wow. They seem so badly matched. They're always squabbling like kids together."

"Again, that's just a Junmyeon thing to do."

"I guess," the makeup artist agrees, twiddling a brush in her fingers. "Did you know? About him being gay?"

"Yeah, I have done for a while. I'm glad he's starting to feel more comfortable about it. There was a time when I didn't think he'd ever tell anyone."

Chaeyoung smiles. "I'm glad he trusted us enough to confide in us. He must feel so relieved- I know I did when I came out." She pauses, tilting her head slightly. "Still... I wonder how Sehun would react if he knew?"

***

The last person Sehun expects to be approached by when he's leaving the bathroom is Jisoo. He's still massaging antibacterial gel into his palms when she hurries over, perfectly wavy hair flying behind her like a black cloud. Up close she is even more beautiful.

"Hey, Sehun!" She greets him with a wide smile, sounding breathless. Like she has been running to catch up to him. Immediately this puts his hackles up.

"Hello," he says slowly, taking a subtle step back. While he likes Jisoo and will talk to her if they ever coincide, she's never actively sought him out before. He can't imagine what she's so desperate to tell him, or why her grin looks slightly predatory.

"I'm on a break, do you want to get coffee?"

"Oh." Sehun is really meant to spend his breaks with Junmyeon, seeing to his needs during the intervals between shooting. Technically he shouldn't waste time with Jisoo, who is so very clearly after something. Sehun can't tell whether it's sinister yet or not.

He's soon going to find out.

"Sure," he says. He motions for her to lead the way. Kim Jisoo is not somebody you turn down.

Since Lisa has returned to China, it's always possible Jisoo is just looking for a companion, her and the Thai girl did spend an inordinate amount of time together. She's probably lonely. The rest of her castmates are busy, and she views Lisa and Sehun as interchangeable in her mind.

Yet, he knows this is not it at all. Sehun's gut instinct is telling him something suspicious is afoot, and it's never been wrong.

She leads (or herds?) him to the drinks truck that is on set at all times, ordering herself an iced Americano and a latte for Sehun as per his request. Sehun takes a seat at one of the wooden benches nearby, huddling further into his coat. It's nearing the end of October now, the weather is becoming incredibly bitter with each passing day. Hopefully as the winter months approach, they will begin to film indoor scenes more.

Jisoo brings both of their drinks over in insulated cardboard cups, balancing them precariously in the cardboard tray. Sehun takes his gratefully, wrapping his hands around the cup to eke out some of the warmth.

"So," Jisoo says conversationally. "How are things with you?"

"Good," he remarks. Since when the hell did Jisoo ask this kind of thing? She's a celebrity, she isn't supposed to notice bottom-of-the-barrel staff like Sehun. He's meant to blend into her background, just another nameless face who flits around and gets things done behind the scenes. Sehun supposes he would be if he and Junmyeon were not so close.

"How about you?" He reciprocates.

"Lonely," she sighs. "I miss Lisa. She's only been gone a week and it feels like a lifetime."

Sehun nods in understanding. Truthfully, he is also missing the Thai girl's presence on set. The two of them became well acquainted in the brief time they spent together, she stopped Sehun's days from being agonisingly boring. He might even go as far to say he considered her a friend.

"It's definitely quiet without her," he agrees.

She smiles proudly. "That's Lisa; she's the life and soul of everything. I think that's what I love the most about her, she's so positive all the time."

Sehun nods again. He's observed that for himself. But when other people talk about their relationships in front of him he clams up awkwardly. Never having experienced what he would consider a proper one, he's hardly the best judge.

"She definitely is," he agrees.

"What about you? Do you get lonely on set?"

"A little," he concedes. "Now Lisa isn't here. I talk to Chaeyoung when she's not busy, other than that I just wait around for Junmyeon."

Jisoo purses her lips, looking deep in thought. "You two are friends right, you and Junmyeon?"

He shifts in his seat. "I guess?"

"It must be nice for you to be so close to your boss- especially someone as famous as Junmyeon. You're really lucky."

By now, Sehun is on high alert. Jisoo can feign casualness all she likes, putting her best acting abilities to use, but he knows there's a catch- a bigger picture, an end goal to this. She's tried to ease him into a false sense of security and it hasn't worked. She's gearing up to drop some sort of bombshell. Sehun really doesn't like where this is heading. Any territory involving Junmyeon is going to be bad.

"What's this really about?" He deadpans.

Jisoo looks shocked. "What do you mean?" Her voice goes high-pitched in a poor imitation of offence. Then she rolls her eyes. "Fine, you got me. Whatever. I just wanted to talk about your friendship."

Sehun narrows his eyes. "What about it?"

"It's just funny to me," she shrugs. "You two are the complete polar opposites but you're exactly the same person."

He chokes on a mouthful of latte, some of it froths out of his nose in surprise. Jisoo snickers at the sight and he rushes to wipe it off with a handful of napkins, trying not to burn with embarrassment. Now there's a strange taste of mucus and milk in the back of his throat.

"We are not!"

Jisoo smirks. "Yes you are. It's uncanny. Sometimes you react in the exact same way, say the exact same thing at the same time, and you have this weird habit of staring at each other like you're talking telepathically."

Sehun wants to die. He wants to physically leap head first off a bridge. What Jisoo is saying can't be true. Can it? There's no way him and Junmyeon are that connected. He would've noticed by now. Junmyeon would have mentioned it; passing it off as a light-hearted comment so they could both laugh about how foolish it sounds. She's wrong. Sehun knows she's wrong because he's always right. And on this, the subject of Junmyeon, he knows everything there is to know.

"You're delusional." Sehun balls up his tissues a little harder than necessary. On the defensive. "I don't know what this is-"

"It's nothing," she cuts him off. "Just sating my curiosity, okay? Listen, I've known Junmyeon a long time. And I know exactly what he's like; how awkward he can be, how he's not everyone's favourite person- cup of tea or whatever. But you're a really good friend to him. He needs all the friends he can get. So I guess I just wanted to say thanks."

Sehun doesn't know how to respond. Since the situation has turned a complete one-eighty, he doesn't have the right words at his disposal.

"I know you two have this love-hate deal going on or whatever, but you're a good influence on him despite all that. You don't even realise how much more bearable he is these days now he has you to ground him."

Sehun mutters, "I do, actually."

Jisoo smiles, face a lot softer and genuine now. "Exactly. You've done a lot for him. I think he knows how much he owes you."

Huh. Sehun had never thought about it like that.

"It's not a bad thing to be similar to him, he's a good guy and you know it deep down. It was just something funny I'd noticed." She shrugs. "If you think about it, you two have quite a lot in common."

Sehun narrows his eyes as she widens hers in emphasis.

"You know, you two share a lot of similar interests," she continues, nodding her head slightly as if trying to convey some kind of message. One Sehun is failing to pick up on. He can't glean any of this.

"You're on the same team," she smiles encouragingly.

"Jisoo..." He begins slowly, but before he can get anything else out, she's leaping out of her seat and telling him she has to leave because she can hear Jaehyun calling for her. She rushes her goodbye and practically sprints away, with surprising speed for someone in high-heeled boots.

Am I stupid, Sehun thinks, or did absolutely none of that make sense?

***

Before anyone can leave at the end of the day, the producer calls them all to gather around because he has an announcement. He's only five foot four so he has to stand on a canvas chair with an honest to God megaphone in his hand, amplifying his voice which wasn't quiet to begin with. As Sehun watches him on his pedestal, he's overcome with the desire for a strong gust of wind to blow him over. When he glances over at Junmyeon, he can tell his boss is thinking something similar.

"Is everyone here?" The producer asks, surveying the sea of faces in front of him.

"Unfortunately," mumbles Sehun, causing Junmyeon to snort and gently elbow him in the side.

"Some of you already know, but this is a formal announcement to say that on November fifth, we will begin filming in Kenting for five days."

Sehun freezes, unsure whether he's heard correctly. Kenting as in-?

"Taiwan?" Junmyeon gapes. He turns to Sehun. "Did you know about this?"

"I had no idea."

The producer begins reeling off the list of people who will actually be going to Kenting, of course Junmyeon and Sehun make the cut. Their names are one after the other. An inseparable force. An extension of one another.

"Can you believe it?" Junmyeon beams. "This is so cool!"

Sehun throws his head back and groans. "I'm gonna have so much to organise."

Junmyeon links their arms and squeezes him excitedly. "Don't be a stick in the mud. Aren't you the tiniest bit excited?"

Of course he is. Sehun has never been abroad anywhere apart from Japan for a dance competition one weekend so he hardly got to do any sight-seeing. This, paired with the fact he will be by Junmyeon's side, makes it possibly the most exciting thing that's happened to him all year.

Junmyeon is already rattling off an itinerary of what he wants to do in his spare time while he's there- which Sehun thinks is wishful thinking, he probably isn't going to get as much rest as he's expecting. His voice is a buzzing in the back of Sehun's mind. The younger man is too worried about remembering the location of his passport. Is it still at his parent's house?

Junmyeon squeals excitedly once they've dispersed from the crowd, heading to their respective cars.

"We have to go to the aquarium," he tells Sehun. "They have a Beluga whale!"

"What's that?" Sehun asks dumbly. He's already trying to make a list of things he needs to do before they leave. It's only ten days away.

"They're those huge white whales with a weird shaped head. They're so cute. Oh! Do you think we'll have time to go scuba diving? Or surf-boarding? What about water-skiing-"

"Junmyeon," Sehun says flatly. "Calm down. You're probably not going to get that much time off."

The older man's eyes fall, looking downcast. "Sorry. I just don't get a lot of opportunities like this. I want to try and cram everything in, that's all."

Sehun nods understandingly. "It's okay. We'll still try and do everything we can."

Sehun is going to get Junmyeon to see that damn whale even if it kills him.

Notes:

this is kind of a filler chapter i apologise but junmyeons character development yayy!

i am sooo excited for the next chapter skfjksfjnd

hope you enjoy :)

Chapter 23: Chapter Twenty-Three

"This is so unfair," Baekhyun whines, standing in the midst of Sehun's bedroom which looks like a small bomb has hit it. "Why can't we come with you?"

Sehun, who has been frazzled for the past three days trying to sort out not only himself out but Junmyeon too for their trip, is one push away from going completely over the edge. There's clothes strewn all over his room, covering every visible surface, and he still can't find his portable charger anywhere. Baekhyun's presence is not helping.

"Because," he says thinly. "You have absolutely no reason to be there. And I hate you."

His friend continues like he hasn't even heard him. "Will you at least ask Junmyeon if I can come too? So you don't get lonely."

Sehun picks up a pair of rolled up socks and aims them straight at his head. Baekhyun doesn't see them until the last minute, they hit him square in the face with the impact of a small bullet. He reels backwards, tripping over the lip of Sehun's suitcase which he has been standing in for the past hour, landing straight on his ass and jerking his spine.

"You dick!" He exclaims, alternating between rubbing his nose and coccyx. "What was that for?"

"Because you're the bane of my life. If you're not going to help me look for my portable charger you can get out."

"Oh, I borrowed that when we went to Busan. I lost it on the train. Sorry."

Sehun whirls around, fists clenched so tightly he's in danger of snapping a tendon. His temper has been on a frayed edge ever since he learnt about this impromptu trip, and Baekhyun's antagonising is the final straw.

"You what?"

"Yeah." The smaller man gets to his feet, throwing his arms out to balance himself. "Jongin said I could take it."

So it looks like Sehun has to wage war on both of his friends, as well as everything else on his long, long preparatory list.

"Get out of my suitcase," he says calmly.

"Fine," Baekhyun grumbles, he picks his feet up exaggeratedly and stomps across the room. "But you're not going to like where Chanyeol is."

***

Their flight leaves at six pm, which means they have to be at the airport by three pm just to be on the safe side. Check-in takes just over an hour (which Sehun thinks is an inordinately long amount of time considering how famous Junmyeon is, then again, the airport is very busy) which means they have two hours to kill in the first-class lounge.

It's like nothing Sehun has ever seen in his life before. He knew becoming Junmyeon's PA would have some perks, though he didn't imagine anything like this. The stewardess offers him champagne- the good stuff too. He declines and asks for a glass of orange juice instead, following Junmyeon's lead. His boss doesn't like flying, so the alcohol would only mix with the anxiety medication he has taken beforehand to calm himself.

The two of them share a loveseat, so close their hips rub against each other. Junmyeon is engrossed in something on his iPad while Sehun reads one of the newspapers provided in the lounge. He flicks through it to see if there are any articles about Junmyeon, there usually is, but his search comes up fruitless. When he tells his boss this, the older man seems quite offended. He snatches the tabloid out of Sehun's hands and trawls through it himself to double check.

"You are so vain," scoffs Sehun.

"What kind of newspaper doesn't publish articles about the hottest actor in the industry?" Junmyeon tsks. "Just terrible. You shouldn't read those things anyway. They'll rot your brain."

"The brainwashed masses reading this garbage are the only thing keeping your career relevant. You shouldn't be so scathing."

Junmyeon swats him upside the head. He mutters something under his breath that sounds remarkably like, "Asshole."

When it's finally time to board, Junmyeon and his entourage are given priority and allowed on the plane first. He's still terrified. He stiffens up so rigidly that Sehun thinks he might shatter like glass. His face has a sickly pallor that Sehun has never seen on him before. His teeth chatter against one another quietly.

Discreetly, through his oversized hoodie sleeve, Sehun reaches out to squeeze his hand in assurance. Despite it all, Junmyeon looks up at him with a small, grateful smile.

They're led to their seats in first class. Of course Sehun and Junmyeon are seated in a pod together, Junmyeon requested this specifically. He said he needed his assistant there to calm his nerves. Of course Sehun doesn't know this, only Jongdae does. He'd looked at Junmyeon like he'd grown two heads when he declared it.

It takes a while for the rest of the plane to board, at least forty minutes. Junmyeon has his head resting against the barrier of the pod, breathing deeply through his nose in an effort to keep his heartbeat regular. It's not working. It's still as erratic as ever. For once, he's completely unaffected by the proximity he and Sehun are in. All he can focus on is the thought of the plane nose-diving into the sea and exploding. Can planes explode in water? Didn't that happen in Lost? Or was it Final Destination?

Sehun is sitting at the window seat since Junmyeon hates it so much. The shutter is already down so hopefully this can calm his nerves slightly. Sehun isn't too sure what to do in this situation. He isn't very good at soothing people. He just keeps squeezing Junmyeon's forearm and telling him it will be okay. He isn't sure whether his words are going in.

When the seatbelt button flashes above them, Junmyeon grabs onto Sehun's arm so tightly his fingernails leave indentations in the flesh. The younger man grits his teeth through the pain, knowing he can't say anything to him while he's in this state. Somehow he manages to bear it. Only just.

Once the stewardess has gone through the safety precautions and warnings, they take off less than five minutes later. Junmyeon has his eyes screwed shut the entire time, muttering something that sounds like a prayer under his breath. Sehun finds it slightly amusing, rolling his eyes fondly at the older man's dramatics. It's funny seeing someone so well put together become unravelled to such an extreme extent. There has been a feral glint in Junmyeon's irises the whole time, making him look like a wild animal. Sehun will memorise this forever, to look back and laugh at. He might even tease Junmyeon a little bit once they land.

Only when they are finally horizontal in the sky and cutting smoothly through the air does Junmyeon begin to calm down slightly. At least he manages to open his eyes, though they're only cracked open a little bit.

Sehun nudges him gently, offering him an Airpod. Junmyeon takes it gratefully as music instantly floods into his ears. It's not what Sehun would usually listen to, it's much more soothing and has a soft piano melody behind it. It warms Junmyeon's heart knowing that he is trying so hard. He doesn't know Sehun downloaded this playlist specially for his benefit.

Junmyeon leans his head against Sehun's shoulder and begins to drift off asleep. Soon after, Sehun rests his head against the top of Junmyeon's and falls asleep too.

***

By the time they finally arrive in Kenting at their temporary residence, it's just past midnight. Even though Sehun slept on the plane and dropped asleep at some point on the long car ride, he still feels groggy and exhausted. Through a yawn, Junmyeon tells him this is just jet lag kicking in and it'll soon go away. Sehun has no other choice but to believe him.

The production staff have hired a handful of villas on the outskirts of Kenting for them to stay at, considering it's more convenient than a hotel. Sehun is surprised to find out he has his own villa right next to Junmyeon's. Although it's considerably smaller and only a hundred feet from Junmyeon's, it's still his own.

He tries to shrug off his fear of sleeping in a strange house in a completely different country all on his own. Sehun is used to sharing with people; his apartment back home is small and only one wall separates him and Jongin's bedroom. He's never liked sleeping in an empty house. He'd go as far to say he's terrified. But because no one else seems bothered, he doesn't say a word.

It's only for five days. He's a grown man. He'll be fine.

Cautiously, he opens the glass sliding door and shudders when he walks straight into darkness. Fumbling against the wall for the lightswitch, he holds his breath until the room is plunged into light. His heart stills in his chest with relief. It certainly doesn't look like a crumbling haunted house, in fact, it's actually very sleek and modern.

The furniture is expensive-looking and very futuristic, the decoration is minimal but with a distinct cultural flair paying homage to the city. The floor plan is spacious, with more than enough room for just one person. The small kitchen attached to the lounge is stocked full of complimentary snacks and local produce, with a handwritten note welcoming Sehun and telling him to enjoy his stay.

The villa is on two floors. There isn't much on the bottom floor apart from the large lounge, a kitchen and a door that leads off to another bedroom. Upstairs it's just one big bedroom that spans the length of the house with a large ensuite bathroom, equipped with an enormous bathtub and shower so big that Sehun could run laps in it.

The bed is king-sized, of course. This is perhaps the only feature Sehun is happy with. It makes his own humble double bed back pale in comparison. He slowly lowers himself onto it, testing the softness of the mattress. As expected, it feels like a marshmallow beneath him. The duvet must be filled with some kind of feathers because it feels like a cloud. Obviously there was no expense spared for Junmyeon's entourage.

Sehun sits on the end of the bed, staring off blankly into space. Every single light in his villa is switched on full brightness but he still feels the creeping sensation of unease up his spine. It feels like somebody, or something, is watching him from the shadows. He psychs himself out so much he has to snap his head around to check there isn't someone looming behind him.

Gnawing at his thumbnail, Sehun tries to assess the situation. If he locks the doors then, logically, he knows nobody can get in and hurt him. Before bed if he checks every single cupboard, cubby hole and crevice then he can sleep peacefully knowing that nobody is hiding in the house, waiting to strike. He's a grown man. He shouldn't even be worrying about this type of thing.

The villa is deathly silent except for ticking of the clock downstairs. Has his blood always sounded this loud in his ears? His heartbeat always been this erratic? His palms this clammy?

After fifteen minutes of helpless staring, he takes initiative. He creeps downstairs and slides open the back door- realising to his horror he forgot to lock it- and sneaks across the grass and onto Junmyeon's decking. Gently he tugs on the glass door, his heart leaping when he finds it isn't locked. He slips inside soundlessly, listening out for any indication where the older man could be.

Sehun is vaguely aware of how much more luxurious Junmyeon's accommodation is, but he really doesn't care. Sehun could be offered to sleep in a palace for five nights and he still wouldn't take it. He'd rather sleep in a tent.

Tiptoeing upstairs, he hears the creak of Junmyeon's shower and the sound of the faucet turning off. He knocks gently on the door, to which Junmyeon casually tells him to come in, not realising who it is.

"Sehun!" He exclaims. He looks down at his sheep pyjamas and flushes bright red. "What- what are you doing here?"

"I came to ask you something. And you have to promise not to be weird about it."

Junmyeon arches an eyebrow. "I promise."

"You have to swear on your life."

"I swear on Byul's life, that's much more important. Now what is it?"

"Can I share your villa with you?" He asks, exhaling it all in one breath so it comes out rushed and garbled. Junmyeon has to let it sink into his brain for a few seconds before he can process what's just spewed out of his mouth.

"Why?"

Sehun coughs. "Because... I don't want to sleep alone. I'm scared," he grumbles, refusing to make eye contact.

"Oh!" Junmyeon's eyes widen. His throat is already constricting. "I mean, you could, but I only have one bed-"

"That's fine," he says quickly. "I don't care. As long as I don't have to sleep on my own."

"In that case, then of course you can." Junmyeon gives him a small, shy smile.

Relief floods Sehun's insides, making him feel lightheaded. "Thanks. I'll get my stuff. I'll be back in a minute."

Junmyeon shakes his head in bemusement as the younger man darts off back downstairs to grab his belongings. Clearly he intends on sharing with Junmyeon full stop, not just on a night. He would make a joke about saving money on hiring Sehun a villa but honestly he's too wound up at the process of sharing a bed with Sehun. It seems far too much. Admittedly Sehun approached him first about it, borne out of pure innocence, but still. Junmyeon's skin is on fire even considering it.

While he waits for Sehun's return, he busies himself washing up in the bathroom so it's free if the younger man needs to use it. He half-heartedly cleanses his face, brushes his teeth thoroughly (not that he thinks Sehun will get close to his mouth. It's common courtesy, obviously) and contemplates changing his childish pyjamas. Then he realises that the damage has already been done. Besides, they're decent and cover him up which is what he's going to need if he has a roommate.

By the time the younger man returns, Junmyeon is already in bed and tiredly scrolling through his phone. Sehun doesn't even engage with him, making a beeline for te shower and not emerging for another fifteen minutes. At this point Junmyeon is starting to get antsy; not only is the anticipation killing him, he also wants to go to sleep. He has to be up in five hours.

He tries to avert his eyes when Sehun comes out of the bathroom, his hair still wet and his slim body drowned in baggy, silk pyjamas. He's half-heartedly towelling his head dry but in the end he tosses the towel in the laundry basket with a yawn.

"You good?" inquires Junmyeon.

"Tired," the younger man mumbles.

He pauses once he's at the foot of the bed, looking incredibly awkward. Junmyeon can practically see the cogs turning in his mind; watching his mental dilemma as he wonders whether this was really the best idea or not. His hesitance leads Junmyeon to believe that Sehun is probably regretting ever asking.

"Are you going to get in or not?"

Sehun scowls. "Don't make it weird."

"It is pretty weird," Junmyeon remarks, locking his phone and putting it on charge. "Who ever heard of a grown man who can't sleep on his own?"

"Who ever heard of a grown man who can't get on a plane without being high on Xanax?" Sehun snaps in retaliation. He closes his eyes and inhales deeply. "Sorry, that was uncalled for."

"I'm turning the lamp off in three seconds, so make up your mind before then."

Like he's terrified of even being stood in the dark, Sehun launches himself onto the bed with such velocity that Junmyeon's butt actually lifts off the mattress on impact. He bites back a laugh as Sehun vigorously wiggles under the duvet, twisting around.

"If this is going to work, we need to implement some rules," Sehun says, his voice ringing out through the dark.

Junmyeon arches an eyebrow. "You were the one who suggested it."

"Yeah I know, but there's still some requirements. One, just because I'm gay doesn't mean I'm going to try and put my hands on you so you don't have to get all worked up over that."

Junmyeon chokes, his brain fritzing completely. "I'd never suggest you'd do that!"

"Straight guys have this weird complex about it so I thought I'd just clear the air." Sehun omits the part about saying he isn't attracted to Junmyeon so he has no cause to worry because that would just be a bare-faced lie. Of course he's attracted to him, however, he respects boundaries.

Junmyeon almost passes out from the irony of it all. "Fine. What's the second rule?"

"We need a divider so we don't get in each other's space. For this I suggest pillows." Sehun reaches backwards and grabs one of the pillows his head is on. Pointedly, he places it in between him and Junmyeon.

With a sigh of resignation, Junmyeon copies. Anything to keep the younger man happy.

"Anything else, Princess?"

"No lights are to be turned on before five am. And we have to sleep with our backs to each other. Also, if your bare feet touch me then I'm throwing you in the pool."

"You're sounding like the straight boy with a complex right now. Wouldn't you just rather take your chances with a serial killer next door?"

Sehun turns to him in the dark, glaring. "Don't even joke about that."

"Whatever. Let's just get some sleep."

Junmyeon pointedly rolls over, pulling the duvet right underneath his ears, letting out a soft sigh. It's heavenly to finally be in bed after the hectic evening they've had.

"I have one more rule."

Groaning, Junmyeon props himself up and stares hard at Sehun's side profile. His eyes have adjusted to the dark so he can see Sehun is laid looking up at the ceiling, his hands clasped on his stomach.

"What now?"

"If you tell anyone about this- us sharing a bed- I'll kill you."

"Is that everything?"

"No, I mean it, Junmyeon. I'll- I'll... stab you in the eye with a fork."

"Sounds like I should be worried about sharing a bed with a potential murderer."

"Be serious!"

"I am, you little brat! Fine. I'm sworn to secrecy. I'll take this to the grave with me. Happy?"

"Yes. Now go to sleep and stop pestering me."

Junmyeon rolls his eyes, flopping back down onto the bed. Before he closes his eyes, he says exasperatedly, "Goodnight, Sehun."

***

The next morning passes in a hazy blur. Sehun is so exhausted and groggy that he can't pay much attention to his surroundings, constantly blinking sleepy and yawning into his palm every few minutes. Considering he was sharing a bed with Junmyeon, he actually managed to sleep well. The older man was respectful of his boundaries and didn't put one foot out of line. It wasn't even awkward waking up together. Junmyeon just shuffled to the bathroom while Sehun was still stirring.

Nobody questioned Sehun's presence in Junmyeon's villa so early in the morning. They just assumed he had woken up early to meet his boss, preparing for the arduous day ahead of them. Junmyeon winked at him from across the breakfast bar and he'd almost choked on his tea at the implications. It felt salacious, covert and most of all- exciting.

Sehun has been busy behind the scenes all day while Junmyeon was preoccupied on set, with barely enough time to even talk to one another. Even though they've been less than two hundred feet away from each other all day, Sehun discovers that he still misses him terribly.

Eventually, Junmyeon manages to steal away for a few moments of catharsis. He sidles up to Sehun's side, snapping his video camera shut and putting it in his jacket pocket. He's been vlogging most of the time they've been here so he can upload it for his fans when he returns. Sehun has pointedly stayed away from him when he's been filming with it.

"I get off in an hour," he declares, taking Sehun's can of Sprite out of his hands and taking a swig of it.

"Lucky you."

Junmyeon smirks. "Guess what's only twenty minutes away?"

"The airport, hopefully, so I can go home."

"Nope," he says gleefully. "It's the aquarium! I thought we could go! I have a two and a half hour break before they need me at the next location so that's more than enough time for whale-watching."

"What is it with you and this whale?"

"Because!" His boss widens his eyes for emphasis. "When are we ever going to get another opportunity to see a beluga whale? It's not just any whale, Sehun. They're, like, the king of the sea."

"I thought that was Jaws?"

Junmyeon aims a soft punch on his shoulder. "Don't be annoying. So can we go?"

He's looking at Sehun with such wide, imploring eyes, the dark irises glittering with promise. He has a hopeful, half-smile on his lips and he looks exactly like a child on Christmas morning; the promise and taunt excitement rolls off of him in palpable waves. In this moment, if he asked Sehun to reach into the sky and get a star for him, he would do so without hesitation.

Sehun wouldn't consider himself a push-over, yet there's something about Junmyeon that makes him want to do whatever it takes to keep him happy.

Is this what it feels like to be in love? Willing to go to the ends of the earth for the person you care about the most?

"Okay," he sighs. "If the whale really means that much to you."

Junmyeon lets out a hilariously high-pitched squeal, throwing himself into Sehun's torso and hugging him tightly. He spews out a flurry of 'thank you's' and 'you're the best'. Sehun flushes aggressively under all the praise, awkwardly patting him on the shoulder.

He detaches himself from Sehun, hurrying away to get back on set before anyone realises he's gone missing, leaving the younger man stood rigidly in a daze.

Joohyun watches from a safe distance, smiling over the rim of her coffee cup.

***

Because they're in a different country, there's less concern for Junmyeon to disguise himself when blending in with the crowds. While he is still famous in Taiwan (they've passed several posters and billboards with his face plastered on them), it's nowhere near as repressive as back home. He can venture out in just a baseball hat and sunglasses, giving him much more freedom and ultimately enjoying his experience a lot more.

In fact, they're given such free range that the two of them are allowed into the aquarium on their own without any staff accompanying them. Junmyeon argues that if he brought an entourage of security guards then that would attract attention, and filming for the drama is meant to be top secret, so begrudgingly, the stand-in manager in Jongdae's absence agrees to it. Though they have to promise to not be more than two hours.

Sehun pays for their tickets, much to Junmyeon's chagrin, and gets them a map each so they can plan the best route. Although he would never admit to it, he's probably looking forward to the aquarium more than Junmyeon. He hasn't been to one since he was a child, even then the memories are very fleeting; slipping through his fingers like sand. This is also supposed to be one of the best in the world too. So the excitement is running high for both men.

"We'll start off at the Waters of the World exhibit," Sehun instructs. "If we follow a straight line from there we can go to the pavilion, then the plaza, and finally loop round to the whale emporium."

He's so fixated on the map he doesn't see Junmyeon staring up at him with a smile.

"I didn't know you were such a marine biology enthusiast," he teases.

Sehun glares. "I'm not. I just want to make sure you have a good time."

Junmyeon ignores the irregular pounding of his heart against his ribcage. The warm sensation that floods his stomach is akin to sinking into a hot bath. He clears his throat to stop it closing shut.

"That sounds like a poor excuse for 'I want to look at the pretty fish'."

"They are pretty," argues Sehun. "They're one of the most fascinating things in the world! Don't you think?"

"I'd argue a platypus holds that title."

Sehun scoffs, increasing his pace. "You're unbearable."

"What?" Junmyeon asks, scurrying to follow him. "It has the mouth of a duck, the tail of a beaver, the body of a puppy and feet like a frog."

"It does not have feet like a frog!" Sehun argues, looking affronted. "It has duck feet. And it doesn't look like a puppy, it's an otter!"

Junmyeon throws his hands up. "Whatever! It doesn't even matter, I doubt they're real anyway."

"This is coming from the man who thinks the earth is flat."

Junmyeon glowers at him. "Shut up. I don't think it's flat- I just think it's a feasible possibility. It's weird none of us have fallen off, that's all."

By now they've reached the first exhibition, set up like a cavern filled and echoing loudly with running water. The temperature drops a few degrees as soon as they step inside, Sehun shivers inside his loose shirt. He keeps close to Junmyeon's side, trying to eke some of his body heat.

Junmyeon bends down to inspect some of the fish in the first tank. "Aw, look at these! I think they're catfish. Look at their little whiskers."

Sehun crouches down to look at them too. He isn't particularly fond of fish like these, he likes the colourful, eye-catching ones that are so unbelievably beautiful they look like they've been created at the hands of a painter; who laboriously went over every detail from their patterns, colours and tails.

"I bet they'd taste good in spicy soup," he murmurs.

Junmyeon turns to him with an expression of utmost horror. "Sehun!" He exclaims, shoving him so roughly in shoulder it almost knocks him off his feet. "You monster!"

"What?" He asks innocently. "I can't help it, I'm hungry."

The older man snorts. "I should've known better to bring you somewhere so refined."

"These fish are boring," he pouts. "I want to see the pretty ones."

"You sound like such a child right now."

Sehun tugs impatiently on his sleeve. If Junmyeon thinks he's acting like a child, then he'll show him just how much of a pain in the ass he can be. He's not going to let up until he gets his own way.

"Come on," he whines exaggeratedly. "You're slower than an old man. Hurry up!"

Junmyeon considers digging his heels in to make them go slower, before realising he too wants to look around as much as Sehun. With a reluctant sigh, he allows himself to be dragged to the next exhibition which is exactly what Sehun has been waiting for. The room is full of huge glass tanks, as tall as the ceiling, filled to the brim with the most exotic fish imaginable. The room is a blur of contrasting, bright colours, making it hard to decide where to look first. Junmyeon is drawn to the angelfish in the first tank, admiring their elegant tails and intricate patterns. No two fish look the same, it's incredible.

Junmyeon has never really appreciated the beauty in things like this before. He supposes his eyes have been opened over the past few months.

Glancing over at Sehun, he sees the younger man snapping numerous photos of all the different exhibits, his jaw hanging on its hinges in unfiltered, unashamed amazement. He bites back a smile, more interested in watching the younger man than anything else.

"Want me to get a photo of you?" Sehun asks, wandering over to Junmyeon.

"Sure. But make it good, I'm gonna post it on Instagram."

Sehun rolls his eyes. "Yes, sir. Stand over there, the lighting is better."

Sehun takes several photos for Junmyeon, each in varying poses and with different fish flitting past in the background. Of course the older man looks ethereal in each one. The dim, blue lighting of this exhibit puts him in a light that Sehun has never seen before. It makes his heart clench with longing.

They walk into the next exhibit which consists of open tanks and containers of fish and crustacean that, if you put your hands in, will eat away at the dead skin. Junmyeon has a go at sticking his hand into a display of shrimp but recoils with a shriek when they begin nibbling at him. Sehun laughs so hard he almost knocks over the precarious stand of sea urchins.

In one corner of the room you can view and pick up some crabs, which neither men feel brave enough to do. Junmyeon tells Sehun he once had a bad experience with a crab on vacation when he was younger; involving a thirteen-year-old Junmyeon, a vindictive crab and a very sore nipple in the aftermath.

The next room is solely dedicated to a huge, floor-to-ceiling tank full of stingrays and small sharks. There are a number of tiered benches for people to sit down on and observe. However, there's no one else in the room but Sehun and Junmyeon.

"Woah!" Junmyeon's eyes go wide as a shark slowly glides past, only inches of glass separate them.

"Look!" Sehun exclaims with a point. "There's a stingray coming over."

A large, white stingray floats towards them, spread out to the fullest extent, looking remarkably like a sentient pancake. It brushes up against the glass, revealing a strangely anthropomorphic smile. Adorned with dimples and everything.

Junmyeon hands his assistant his phone. "Try and get a photo."

"Fine, but I want one too."

Amazingly, the stingray remains in position so Sehun manages to capture the perfect photo of a smiling Junmyeon with an equally posing stingray. They quickly switch positions for Sehun to take his turn, worried it will move. But like it realises what's being asked of it, the stingray remains in position, serenely flapping its fins to keep itself positioned.

"Let's get a photo together," suggests Junmyeon. "You take it because your arms are longer."

Sehun manages to take several selfies in various angles before the stingray grows bored of it's obedience and floats away. Junmyeon waves it goodbye, even blowing a kiss. Sehun's throat closes with how sweet this thoughtful gesture is.

As he walks in-step with Junmyeon heading towards the penguin closure, he has to remind himself this isn't a date. Not by any stretch of the imagination. He needs to realise that he will never know what it's like to be loved by Kim Junmyeon, will never know how these moments genuinely feel. This is all pretend. And it's so cruel, because Sehun's heart aches with so much want and longing- he's torturing himself by allowing himself to slip further into this game of pretend.

Does he really think that one day he will change Junmyeon's mind? That he can trick the older man into falling for him, hoping that one day he'll just wear him down?

While Junmyeon is bending down to be at level with the penguins, Sehun finds himself lost in thought. Yet he still manages to take a few sneaky photos of the older man when he's not paying attention. He could send them to Junmyeon for his Instagram, but he wants to keep these to himself; a private reminder for him to look back on, a reminder of their time together and what it could have been.

An hour later, they've seen all there is at the aquarium which means there is only one thing left. The big event. The one thing Junmyeon has been waiting for. He gets so excited that he grabs Sehun's hand without thinking, pulling him through the crowds at such a quick pace he almost wrenches his shoulder out of its socket.

Sehun has no idea what's about to greet them in the whale emporium, but his mouth falls open when they step inside the tunnel, surrounded by water and sea creatures.

"It feels like we're actually under the sea," he murmurs.

"Exactly!" Junmyeon exclaims. "Oh, look! A turtle!"

There's a large variation of fish in the enormous tunnel; ranging from tiny schools of fish that dart around quicker than you could blink, huge lumbering turtles, shifty sharks that drift past with narrowed eyes, little seahorses that flick their tails and cling to the weeds on the seabed.

Carrying on forward, they enter another tunnel that looks startlingly bare in comparison.

And then-

"Oh my god!" Junmyeon gasps, tilting his head up, mouth dropping in wonder. "The whale."

Sehun snaps his head up just in time to see something huge and white swimming over them. While he knows whales are big, he's still surprised at the sheer size of it. It seems to go on forever, it's bulk taking up half of the tunnel. He notices that it has a strange, lumpy body that almost makes it look like a mermaid from this angle.

Junmyeon is gripping so tightly onto Sehun's hand that he feels some of his bones shift. Gritting his teeth, he allows himself to be dragged right to the edge of the tunnel wall, so close his nose is practically pressed against the glass.

Like it senses their presence, the whale swims right down to their eye-level. Junmyeon is so astonished that he holds his breath the whole time.

"Aw," Sehun juts his bottom lip out. "It looks like it's smiling."

"It's happy to see you," the older man teases.

"Nah, it knows you're it's biggest fan." This statement is true, the whale seems much more drawn to Junmyeon. They have their sights set on each other, unable to focus on anything else. They seem to have come to a wordless understanding, watching one another like they're familiar.

Sehun manages to get a few photos of the interaction, thrilled with his magnificent skills. Junmyeon is going to be ecstatic when he sees these photos, glad that this moment has been immortalised forever. Sehun will keep this snapshot in his mind. It's not like he could ever forget how happy he feels right now.

Junmyeon watches in amusement as the whale drifts over to Sehun, finally taking an interest in him. The younger man pulls a series of funny faces at the docile creature, sticking his tongue out at him and doing some bizarre movements that Junmyeon can't fathom but thinks are hilarious nonetheless.

"Are you trying to mate with it?"

"Do you think it's working?" Sehun asks, wiggling his shoulders enticingly.

"This is just getting weird. Please stop before the keepers kick us out for trying to seduce a whale."

"Don't you want little whale babies so you can always remember it?"

Junmyeon grimaces. "You are so weird."

Sehun laughs loudly, throwing his head back without abandon. A few people turn to look at him in interest, but his eyes are scrunched up so he doesn't see. Not that Junmyeon thinks he would care in the slightest. He's having fun and that's all that matters.

"On the bright side, I have some very funny photos of you," Junmyeon remarks, slipping his phone back into his pocket. "We should probably leave soon, they'll wonder where I am."

Sehun notices how wistful he sounds. Like he wishes they could stay here forever.

They say goodbye to the whale and make their way outside, squinting against the sudden harsh sunlight. While they wait for Junmyeon's driver to arrive, Sehun buys them both an ice cream which they eat on a bench that overlooks the whale plaza, admiring the beautifully crafted, realistic statues.

"Thanks for coming with me," Junmyeon says. "It really meant a lot. I know it's probably not your thing-"

"I really enjoyed it," Sehun cuts him off. "Thanks for inviting me. It was... a privilege."

Junmyeon smiles so brightly it mirrors that of the sun beating down on them. It warms Sehun up considerably more, too. The breath gets caught in his throat. Junmyeon looks so stunning like this.

With a happy sigh, he leans his head on Sehun's shoulder. "I wouldn't have this much fun with anyone else. I never do."

Sehun shifts on the bench, worried his heart is beating too loudly. "I'm glad I can be your personal jester."

Junmyeon chuckles softly. "You're more than that, Sehun."

Sehun doesn't ask just how much more he is, terrified of sounding too needy. He doesn't think he could handle the disappointment of Junmyeon's answer.

Hesitantly, he lifts his arm up before draping it over Junmyeon's shoulder, pulling them in closer together. He feels Junmyeon jump slightly at the contact, but he softens into the touch. He doesn't ask him to let go, which Sehun considers an achievement.

They sit like this until Junmyeon gets a text telling them it's time to leave.

Notes:

ahh yes my favourite trope.... sharing a bed

(and seho becoming whale parents)

idk how to describe how i feel i just love this chapter so much for some reason 😭 i hope you guys like it too

Chapter 24: Chapter Twenty-Four

Before Sehun has even opened his eyes the next morning, he can sense someone looking at him. Cracking one eye open, he sees Junmyeon is watching him intently, a small smile curving the corners of his soft lips. In the watery light filtering through the curtains, Junmyeon looks ethereal. A shaft of sunlight falls over one of his dark eyes, making it glitter like a jewel.

"Don't you think this is impending on my personal space?" The younger man grumbles.

"You're such a grump, Sehun." Junmyeon's voice lilts in amusement. What kind of psychopath is so cheerful this early in the morning?

"You're just weird for wanting to be awake this early."

With a sigh, he raises his hands above his head and stretches exaggeratedly, his bones and joints popping accordingly. Warmth spreads through his limbs. For once, he hasn't woken up in a bad mood. This may or may not have something to do with the man laid only inches away from him.

"I've been doing research," grins Junmyeon. "There's a spa five minutes away from where we're shooting today and I think I'm gonna go over my lunch break."

Sehun's ears prick up. "A spa?"

"Yeah. Do you want to come?"

Sehun rolls his eyes. "Obviously."

Junmyeon shuffles across the bed, so both he and Sehun are sharing the same pillow. Their shoulders rub against each other as Junmyeon tilts his head closer to the younger man, allowing both of them to look at his phone as he scrolls through photos of the spa to show Sehun. Every so often he will make an impressed noise at the back of his throat. Junmyeon's heart swells with pride that he's managed to find something he likes. He knows how much Sehun puts up with to humour him- it's his job after all, sometimes Junmyeon forgets this- so it'll be nice to do something for Sehun for once.

After five more minutes of aimless scrolling, both men agree to get up and prepare for another long day. They didn't get in until past midnight last night so they're both exhausted, their bodies still trying to fight off jet lag. Still, Sehun is sleeping better than he has in months.

There's a brief squabble over who gets to use the bathroom first, resulting in both men trying to force themselves through the doorway at the same time, their shoulders getting stuck. Being the smaller one, Junmyeon manages to wiggle through and lock the door in Sehun's face before he's had time to register what's happened.

"You're the worst!" He shouts through the wooden barrier, rolling his eyes when he hears Junmyeon giggling from the other side.

***

The morning drags on endlessly, Sehun begins to think there will never be any respite from the industrial lighting, incessant voices and growing list of tasks he is handed by various members of staff. By the time Junmyeon gets off, Sehun is so taunt and agitated that they couldn't have picked a better time to visit a spa.

If it's any consolation, Junmyeon looks just as irked; muttering under his breath about incompetent staff, annoying co-workers and not having enough caffeine to deal with it all. However, once they are back in one another's company things start to brighten considerably. It's just the separation anxiety making them crabby.

"Why did I ever think this was going to be relaxing?" He murmurs bad-temperedly.

"I did try to tell you," Sehun says, not looking up from his phone. Chanyeol has just sent him a particularly hilarious photo of Toben amongst the remains of a chewed up slipper that needs his full attention.

Junmyeon glares at him from the corner of his eye. "You're such a know-it-all."

"Somebody needs to keep you in line."

Once upon a time he would've argued that he was his own person, that he lived his life how he wanted to with little consideration for others. These days, he spends his time trying to appease the younger man. In a way, Sehun is not really wrong.

They arrive at the spa and are ushered in by a few of Junmyeon's men who were following him in another car. Even though it's unlikely anything will happen to them, they want to be present just in case. Unlike yesterday, Junmyeon was unable to convince them to stay away. Not that it matters, because they have hired out the baths for a whole hour.

The receptionist gives them their provisions; including a plush white gown, numerous warm towels, slides, locker keys and a complimentary bottle of shower gel and directs them into the men's locker rooms. These turn out to be more luxurious than Sehun's whole apartment building, made of smooth, light wood filled with high-tech appliances like a shower with no buttons that activates as soon as you stand under it. Though Sehun has never been to a spa before, this is somehow exactly what he imagined it to be.

Because him and Junmyeon have worked so closely for a long time, neither of them are shy about getting changed in front of one another- which is surprising considering their feelings. They shed their clothes off quickly, dressing into their shorts and rash guards. Junmyeon jokes about Sehun looking scrawny in his, when really he can't keep his eyes off the contours and muscles of Sehun's body; his broad shoulders, the swell of muscles under the tight fabric, the hard lines of his pectoral muscles. He is the perfect combination of coltish and lean, sometimes awkward in his movements but with an elegant, regal air.

At least he's not shirtless, Junmyeon muses.

Still, he's proving to be a huge distraction.

Since they have free reign of the baths, they can explore them at their own leisure. On the pamphlet it tells them there are different types of water in each bath; one with beer water, one with natural herbs and even a pool with small fish to nibble at your feet. Junmyeon heads to this one first, determined to redeem himself after the disaster at the aquarium yesterday.

"I'm not going in there," Sehun shakes his head, his arms crossed over his chest and his hands on each of his shoulders. "I don't want fish touching my feet."

"Come on," Junmyeon wheedles. "It doesn't even feel bad. It'll be over in a second."

The younger man's eyebrows disappear into his hairline. "Is that why you screamed like a baby when they touched your hands?"

Unabashed, Junmyeon says, "They caught me by surprise, that's all."

"You are so full of shit."

Junmyeon lowers himself onto the stone lip of the bath, bracing himself as he slowly enters his feet in. Immediately, the fish begin darting over and reaching up for his soles. He gasps slightly when they first make contact, withdrawing himself straightaway and shuddering. When he glances over at Sehun, he sees he's looking down on him with a smirk.

Hardening his jaw, Junmyeon squeezes his eyes shut and puts his feet back in and determinedly keeps them there, even though the sensation of the fish tickling him is enough to make him want to vomit.

Sehun lowers himself onto the stone beside him, but pointedly keeps his legs pressed against his chest. He peers down into the water in fascination, his mouth open in a little 'O' as he watches the fish frantically flit around Junmyeon's feet.

"Do you want a turn?"

He scoffs. "No way." But Junmyeon detects a wistful lilt in his tone.

"Just try? For me?"

"Yeah, there's no way I'm doing it now."

Yet, he slowly begins unfurling his body and sitting cross-legged instead. Junmyeon doesn't say a word, simply watching him carefully in his peripheral vision. Over the span of five minutes, he inches his way forward until his feet dangle right on the surface of the water, looking down worriedly.

Finally, he lowers them into the water and screams dramatically when they touch him. He lurches in surprise so Junmyeon has to reach out and grab him before he falls in headfirst. Junmyeon doesn't think the fish would eat him, yet he doesn't want to take any chances.

"That was horrible," he whimpers.

"You tried it for a nanosecond," Junmyeon laughs loudly.

"I'm ticklish!"

Junmyeon files this way in the compartment of his brain titled 'Facts about Sehun.'

He tries it once more, mainly to prove to Junmyeon that he's not a coward, but his reaction is just as dramatic. He scrambles to his feet and takes numerous steps back, wrapping his arms around his waist and shivering.

Junmyeon doesn't want to linger around this pool much longer, considering the time constraint they are on. He lets Sehun direct them to the next bath, the younger man makes a beeline straight for the one filled with beer water. He bites back a laugh at the eagerness in which Sehun slides in. Such a contrast to his terrified stance only moments prior.

Sehun's eyes are wide as he lowers himself into the water. "Woah."

"I know you don't have the biggest vocabulary but is that all you can say?"

Sehun's hand cuts through the water and creates a large tidal wave, splashing Junmyeon directly in the face as he is swinging his leg over the side of the rim. The force of it knocks him over completely, landing on the ground with a thump. Over the ringing in his ears, he can hear Sehun's shrieking laughter; the high-pitched whoop that screws his whole face up, scrunching his eyes and nose and exposing all of his teeth- reserved only for things of utter hilarity. Junmyeon has only heard it a few times, the feeling of knowing he was able to get this reaction from him surpasses any irritation he felt at being knocked over. As he pulls himself up, even he finds himself chuckling.

"You're such a little shit."

Sehun reclines against the side of the bath, his arms stretched out on either side of him. He tilts his head back, exposing the column of his slender throat. Junmyeon quickly averts his eyes, feeling wrong for staring.

"You'd be lost without me."

Junmyeon rolls his eyes, yet doesn't have the heart to argue with this sentiment. If he did, he'd only be lying.

He settles down on the opposite side of the bath from Sehun, mirroring his pose. The water is a few degrees away from being considered scalding, but it's the perfect temperature. The water laps against Junmyeon's stiff, sore muscles and he can already feel the knots of tension in his body unravelling. A small moan leaves his lips as he shuts his eyes, his bones turning to jelly.

Sehun tells himself that his sudden flushed face is because of the warm water.

"This was a good call," he says, voice coming out slightly strangled.

"I always make good calls," sighs Junmyeon contentedly.

Sehun half-heartedly flicks water in his direction, needing to bring his ego down. These days, he knows Junmyeon puts this on for show. He's seen the real man beneath the superstar persona; the humble, shy, awkward and downright embarrassingly dorky Junmyeon that he has come to care so greatly for. This is the man he fell for. Not Kim Junmyeon. Not the biggest actor in the country. His Jun.

He knows he is the only one who gets to see Junmyeon like this; at his best, at his worst, at his most vulnerable, but more importantly, at his true self. As soon as Sehun got a glimpse of this, it was over for him. He never stood a chance. It seems they have both made a good job of breaking down each other's defences.

"You should try this water," says Junmyeon. "It tastes like beer."

Sehun cocks his head interestedly. "Really? I didn't think there was actual beer in the water..."

"Oh, yeah." Junmyeon widens his eyes for emphasis. "Why do you think it's so good for your skin? Try it."

Without hesitation, Sehun cups his hands and brings a mouthful of water to his lips and takes a big gulp. Swilling it around his mouth, he wrinkles his nose in confusion, only more lost when Junmyeon begins laughing.

"You freak!" The older man cackles. "You just drank dirty bath water."

"What?" He gasps, choking and spluttering. He sticks his tongue out and begins pawing at it redundantly. Junmyeon has to hold onto a pillar to keep himself upright he's laughing so hard.

Sehun starts to gag, clutching his throat. He can practically taste all the bacteria rising in his throat. Looking up, he glowers at Junmyeon who is still finding the whole thing hilarious. Lunging forward, he grabs Junmyeon by the waist and drags him down into the water.

The bath isn't deep, only going up to Seuhn's hips, but since Junmyeon was caught off guard, he ends up completely submerged and thrashing around in confusion. Sehun holds him underwater for a few seconds before releasing him, smirking at his stunned expression. He no longer looks infuriatingly smug.

"What the hell was that?" He rasps, unattractively snorting the excess water out of his nose.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Sehun says with faux innocence. "You must have slipped and fallen over."

Junmyeon narrows his eyes. "It's on."

He leaps forward to try and grab the younger man, but he manages to pivot out of the way at the last moment so Junmyeon grasps onto thin air. Sehun wraps his arm around Junmyeon's shoulder and throws him back into the bath with such force it splashes back in his face too. Junmyeon flails around indignantly, gasping raggedly when his face breaks out of the water.

Without thinking, he wraps his arms around Sehun's neck and drags him down with all his might. Sehun gasps in surprise, inhaling another mouthful of water when he is forced under. He's vaguely aware of a strong pair of arms holding him close, which is strangely the only thing he can focus on.

When Junmyeon eventually releases him, he propels himself upright by straightening his legs. He shakes his head like a dog, droplets of water flying off the ends of his hair and scrubbing at his sore eyes. Sehun thinks the water might contain something stronger than beer considering how much they hurt.

"Truce?" Junmyeon asks, voice cracking in amusement.

"No way," Sehun says grimly. "I'm winning this."

Junmyeon would never have the heart to fight with Sehun, but when the younger man reaches forward to try and grab his shoulders he instinctively crosses his arms over his chest in defence. He nudges Sehun away, making him stumble and almost lose his footing on the slippery stone. He regains his balance at the last minute, shifting his weight onto his left leg.

Junmyeon grins at Sehun's narrowed eyes and grimly determined expression. He tries to come at him again but this time Junmyeon is ready for him. He grabs Sehun's arms and grapples with him, digging his heels into the feet to try and give himself leverage. Sehun is using his height to his advantage, whereas Junmyeon has more physical strength. Sehun's arms feel so delicate underneath his thumbs, his pulse just fluttering beneath Junmyeon's thumb. If he was concentrating on it, he would feel how much faster it becomes the closer they get to one another.

Sehun tries to twist out of Junmyeon's grip but his hold is too tight. For a moment, he stands still and just stares at Junmyeon, weighing out his options. Before Junmyeon knows what's happening, Sehun jumps on top of him and he collapses under the weight; knees buckling beneath him.

They land in the water in a tangled mess of limbs, Sehun's sharp elbow buried right in his ribcage. The younger man is a dead weight on top of him, and it takes Junmyeon a moment to realise that Sehun has planted both of his hands down on either side of his head, effectively pinning him down.

Junmyeon lifts his head out of the water, coughing. Sehun only gives him enough space to lift his head, not relinquishing his position hovering above him. Their faces are so close together that their noses are almost touching. Junmyeon can feel Sehun's ragged breath curling over his lips. 

"I win," he says lowly.

In an instant, Junmyeon wraps his legs around Sehun's waist and turns him over with all his strength. The younger man disappears underneath the water with a choking noise, only emerging when Junmyeon grabs his chin and forces him above the surface. Sehun's eyes are wide and bloodshot, breathing heavily through his nose as he stares at Junmyeon like a deer caught in headlights. Butterflies hammer against the lining of his stomach, his throat closing up to the size of a pinhead. His breath comes out harshly, unable to focus at anything but Junmyeon's dark eyes, glittering with mischief.

"I win," Junmyeon chuckles darkly. Sehun grabs onto his wrist, trying to keep him in place. An unwelcome warmth spreads through his lower stomach, sending a shudder up his spine.

There is no heterosexual explanation for this, he thinks.

It reminds him of the time when he was fourteen, and he was play-fighting with a boy in his dance group and he accidentally got hard. Sehun feels just as mortified and hopeless as he did then, perhaps more so now he fully understands his sexuality and his feelings for Junmyeon.

Junmyeon tilts his chin up further, so he's looking down on Sehun, the corners of his lips pulled up in a smirk. Sehun's whole body is trembling.

I think he's going to kiss me.

He steels himself for it, swallowing thickly as every muscle in his body goes terse. His eyes flutter shut on their own accord, waiting and waiting for the feeling of Junmyeon's lips against his own. 

Only, it never comes.

When he opens his eyes, he sees Junmyeon is still staring at him, eyes slightly blown. He looks frozen, watching Sehun's breathless expression. Sehun is helpless, like prey in the hands of a predator- though he supposes this is exactly what it's like. He is left wanton and longing in Junmyeon's hold, awaiting something that will never happen.

He could make the first move. He could end this agonising back and forth once and for all. One kiss is all it would take. It could make or break everything. Sehun could lose everything or gain what he covets most in the world. Even if Junmyeon doesn't want it, Sehun is sure he would be understanding about his confusion. He wouldn't berate him or be disgusted, this Sehun is certain off. Of course it would be awkward and Sehun would probably have to find a new job in the aftermath, but is the risk worth it?

Slowly, Junmyeon drags the pad of his thumb on Sehun's jawline. He feels the younger man shiver beneath him.

I could end this, Junmyeon thinks. I could just kiss him. I'll never know if I don't try.

He thinks Sehun wants it. Perhaps more than him. This could be the moment he has been waiting all this time for. The consequences could be exactly what he wants.

Then the fear sets in. The niggling doubt in the back of his mind, the voice that tells him to pull back and stop being a disgusting predator. Like he has been shocked, he leaps back and drops Sehun unceremoniously.

"We should go," he blurts. "We don't want to be late back."

Sehun's heart sinks as he watches Junmyeon leave without looking back.

***

Sehun catches up to Junmyeon in the showers. He's stepping out of the cubicle just as Sehun is stepping in. He tries to grab Junmyeon's arm before he leaves, but his fingers slip against his skin helplessly as he hurries out. Like he is deliberately ignoring Sehun.

Like he felt it too.

Sehun knows he wasn't imagining the tension between them. You can't fake something like that; the pure adrenaline and electricity that was coursing through their bodies wasn't just a coincidence. He wouldn't get as far ahead of himself and suggest Junmyeon feels the same way, but it was... something. He can't put his finger on it yet. And he doubts Junmyeon is going to open up and help him solve it.

By the time he finishes up in the spa, Junmyeon is already waiting in the car, his nose buried in his phone. He doesn't say a word as Sehun gets in, shutting the door especially loud to garner his attention. The only thing he does say confuses Sehun a tenfold more.

"I like your hair like that," he says casually. "It suits you."

Instinctively, Sehun reaches up to touch his hair which he has let go naturally wavy. He styles it every day for work, so Junmyeon has never seen it like this before; falling over his forehead in thick waves.

"Junmyeon," he says coldly. "Stop doing this."

"Doing what?"

"Pushing me away!" Sehun doesn't care how desperate his voice sounds, all that matters is that he gets his point across.

"I'm not- that isn't what I'm doing," the older man shakes his head, Sehun notices, without an ounce of shame.

"Really? Then what is it?"

"I overstepped a line that I shouldn't have- as your boss or your friend," he says firmly. "It was inappropriate. I'm sorry, Sehun."

Sehun is so aggravated he feels like tearing his hair out. "You give me so much shit for pushing you away when it's been you this whole time! I just... I don't understand what's so wrong with me."

Junmyeon's face falls. "Sehun, it's nothing like that."

I wish I could tell you. Then you'd understand.

"Let me guess," the younger man says bitterly. "You won't tell me what it really is?"

"I'm sorry."

Sehun leans his head back with a deep sigh. He knows he isn't going to get any further pursuing this, not that he thought he'd get far in the first place. He realises now that he isn't the problem in this partnership at all, it all comes down to Junmyeon. It always has. There's nothing he can do to alter it now; not when Junmyeon seems so unwilling to change.

You're scared of something, Sehun thinks. I just need to know what.

Chapter 25: Chapter Twenty-Five

Whatever awkwardness occurred after their visit to the spa, it dissipates as the day progresses and by the time they are getting ready for bed, things are virtually back to normal. Of course it's all Sehun has been able to think about for the remainder of the day, getting him in a lot of trouble with other staff who needed his undivided attention to help them, but he recognises he needs to be the bigger person and drop it. He learned long ago that forcing Junmyeon to talk will get him nowhere. When the older man feels ready, he will vocalise whatever is bothering him.

Or he won't. He can be stubborn like that.

No, he will. He trusts Sehun. That Sehun is certain of.

Two people can't go through what they have been through without an element of blind faith.

Sehun lays in bed and waits for Junmyeon to return from the bathroom. His skin routine is rigorous and lengthy, meaning he is always usually the last one to bed. Sehun tries not to think about how comfortable has become sleeping beside Junmyeon, desperately commanding his heart to emotionally detach itself before it gets too used to this. In two days time, Sehun will be back in his own bed and Junmyeon's warmth will be a distant memory. He will never know contentment like this again.

It's cruel, really. To train his heart like this and fool it into thinking he would possibly have Junmyeon in this way. Because Sehun knows it's too late now. He will never be satisfied sleeping next to anybody else ever again. For the rest of his life, his soul will lament his brief but precious time he had in Junmyeon's proximity. How it felt to be so close to him, to see him so raw and unguarded; a view that only Sehun has been blessed with.

Sehun wonders when his opinion on Junmyeon changed so drastically. One day he despised him, finding him utterly unbearable; now, he can't imagine life without him, never wanting to be apart from him. If Sehun thinks about it, hasn't his whole time with Junmyeon been leading up to this? Perhaps the change isn't as rapid as he assumed, maybe it's only noticeable now because Sehun realised it was futile to fight against it.

His heart jumps when the bathroom door opens. Furtively glancing over, he sees Junmyeon shuffling towards the bed and yawning widely, swamped in huge, checkered pyjamas. He's wearing his wired glasses, his hair soft and wavy, falling over his forehead. He's so beautiful it hurts.

In this moment, Sehun understands every love song.

Quickly, he averts his eyes and looks back down at his phone. He feels the bed dip beside him, indicating Junmyeon is lying down. His body tenses instinctually, as it does every time he is within a close vicinity. Sehun can feel the heat emanating from him between two layers of clothes and a duvet. How he yearns to reach out and touch him.

He could do it. Junmyeon seems to have no problem sharing skinship with Sehun, there's no real reason why he can't reciprocate; but his subconscious knows the real reason he wants to touch him, and it feels creepily invasive to prey on him in such a way. So his hands remain clutched on his phone.

They lie in companionable silence for fifteen minutes, scrolling through their phones and occasionally commenting on something of interest. Junmyeon shows Sehun an article about himself that he found on Twitter, while Sehun shows him a funny video of a cat that makes them both crease with laughter. It's all so sickeningly domestic and wholesome it makes Sehun's stomach do somersaults, especially when Junmyeon leans his head against his shoulder so he can get a better look at the screen.

Soon, their eyes begin drooping so they decide to call it a night. Junmyeon turns his lamp off and they settle down. Sehun can't help tossing and turning for the first few moments, too worked up to get comfortable.

"Junmyeon?" His voice pierces through the silence. The older man's ears perk up. He's aware of Sehun rolling over so he's now facing his back.

"Yeah?"

Junmyeon rolls over so they are now face to face. Even in the dark, he can sense how close Sehun is to him. His minty breath fans over his face, causing his heart to skip a few beats. He's grateful for the lack of light in the room so Sehun can't see his blush.

"Um... you know you can talk to me about stuff, right?"

Junmyeon is so caught off guard he has to say, "Huh?"

"If there's something on your mind or something bothering you... you can tell me anything."

He's ashamed of how wide his smile is. "Of course I know that, Sehun." Junmyeon knows the younger man is referring to what transpired earlier, but he's too ashamed to bring it up. Even if they're both painfully aware of it.

"Okay," grumbles Sehun. "Just checking. Sometimes you're dense so I thought I had to reiterate it."

Junmyeon chuckles. "I hear you loud and clear. The same goes for you. I'm always here. Even if you think I'm too busy, I'll always make time for you."

Both of them are lying. Because there's been something on their minds for a while, yet neither of them are brave enough to admit to it.

***

There are other things Sehun would like to be doing during his penultimate day in Kenting other than replying to emails and sorting through work online, yet this is what has been demanded of him. He hasn't seen Junmyeon all day, considering he has been shunted behind the scenes and separated from the older man. It feels like he doesn't get to see Junmyeon apart from on a night. He supposes sharing a bed should make up for their lack of communication during the day, but if Sehun had it his way, he'd spend every waking minute with his boss.

Not that he would ever tell him that. Junmyeon's head is big enough as it is.

On his lunch break, Sehun pries himself away from his laptop for long enough to check his phone. He's checking for something from Junmyeon and left disappointed. He must be working hard if he hasn't even been granted a break to go on his phone. He always texts Sehun when he gets the opportunity, even if it's something completely mundane like a smiley emoji or the bunny one he is so fond of these days.

Cracking his neck, Sehun sends him a text.

Sehun: dinner tonight at 7?

He is surprised at the speed of Junmyeon's reply. It takes less than two minutes, indicating he must've been on his phone and didn't text him. With a slight frown, he checks it nonetheless.

Jun: Sure!

Smiling to himself, Sehun locks his phone and finds the strength to continue with his work.

***

Sehun is ready with five minutes to spare, so he sits on the bed and waits for Junmyeon to return so they can leave. He tries not to think about how fine Junmyeon is cutting it, but he trusts him to be here on time. If there's one thing about Junmyeon, it's that he's reliable. He'll be here. Sehun needs to relax and work on getting rid of the knot of nerves in his stomach.

Ten minutes pass and Sehun begins to get tetchy. He starts to gnaw the nail on his thumb, compulsively checking his phone every few seconds. He's waiting for a text from Junmyeon, explaining his lateness or to tell him he's on his way.

Only, it doesn't come.

Fifteen minutes turns to twenty. Sehun paces the bedroom like a caged animal, the nausea only amplifying. Why would Junmyeon stand him up like this? Why agree to a commit he knew he couldn't follow through with? Unless something has happened on his way back from the set.

Sehun sends Chaeyoung a quick text, discreetly asking whether everything is okay. To which she replies promptly that everything is fine on their end. She doesn't mention Junmyeon, but she doesn't need to.

It's obvious he's stood Sehun up.

After fifty minutes, Sehun accepts defeat. Junmyeon doesn't even have the decency to give him an adequate excuse as to why he didn't show up. He thinks this is what hurts the most. To realise that he is nowhere near the top of Junmyeon's priorities, when his whole life revolves around the older man. The imbalance makes him feel sick.

He puts his pyjamas on and crawls into bed, feeling sorry for himself. Sehun doesn't cry, not over petty things like this, yet his throat stings and his eyes feel hot whenever he blinks. Whenever Junmyeon does appear, he doesn't want him to know how upset he is. Doesn't want him knowing just how strong his hold over him is.

Sehun isn't sure at what point he falls asleep, he just knows he's woken up by the bedroom light being switched on and the door swinging open. Blinking blearily, he immediately recognises Junmyeon's figure in the doorway. It leaves a sour taste in his mouth, inducing a painful cramp in his stomach. He drags his eyes away, putting his head back on the pillow.

"Sorry," Junmyeon says quietly. "I didn't realise you were asleep. You must've been tired to sleep this early, huh."

Sehun doesn't grant him a response. He doesn't deserve one.

Junmyeon thinks no more of it, assuming Sehun has gone back to sleep. He continues his night regime as normal, humming to himself in the shower and as he brushes his teeth. It's their last day tomorrow and he wants to do something nice for Sehun. Dinner would be good. Even though they've eaten at a lot of local places already, they could go somewhere fancy- just the two of them. Or they could check out the night market. There's so many things Junmyeon wishes they had time to do. Maybe if there's ever an opportunity they could come back here on vacation.

The thought of going on vacation with Sehun leaves him with a silly smile. He'll have to suggest it when they next have some free time. Not even going abroad, there's plenty of places close to home Junmyeon could take him. He thinks he'd love going anywhere so long as Sehun was by his side.

He's so preoccupied with this idea that he doesn't realise the younger man is giving him the cold shoulder when he enters the bedroom again. He tries to say a few things to him which go unanswered. But when he looks over his shoulder, he sees Sehun is wide awake, glaring at the ceiling. With a face like thunder.

"Sehun?" Asks Junmyeon tentatively. Coldness seeps into his chest. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," the younger man spits, rolling over pointedly.

Junmyeon's eyebrows knit together in confusion. He's barely seen Sehun all day, how could he have done something to anger him?

"Don't shut me out."

Sehun rears up with such ferocity that it sends Junmyeon reeling backwards. His eyes are so hard and furious that it makes the older man freeze in terror. He hasn't seen him this angry in a long time- more to the point, he hasn't been this angry at him in a while.

"That's rich coming from you," he snarls. "You're talking about me shutting you out when you don't even have the decency to text me back."

Junmyeon blinks. "What? When did you text me?"

"Don't play dumb. It'll only piss me off more."

"Play dumb about what?" The older man asks desperately.

"You know what!" Snaps Sehun. "If you can't make an arrangement, it's common decency to tell someone- not just stand them up!"

Junmyeon looks around, checking he's not being pranked. "Standing you up? What the hell are you talking about?"

Sehun scoffs, continuing like he hasn't even heard him. "You're so full of shit. Every time I try to believe you're becoming a better person you do something like this that proves you haven't changed at all. You never will, will you?"

"Hey! Don't... don't say that."

"You can't even defend yourself. You know what, don't bother. I don't care about what you have to say. I'm done trying to constantly see the better in you when you do this to me every time."

"Sehun!" Junmyeon shouts, startling both of them. He inhales deeply. "What are you talking about?"

The younger man narrows his eyes accusingly. "You said you'd come to dinner with me tonight but you stood me up. I was waiting for hours. So I went to bed."

Junmyeon's throat closes up so tightly that he struggles to breathe. His head starts to swim as Sehun's words sink in. He feels a horrible numbness in his fingers.

"I-I never got any text." He knows this sounds pathetic, exactly what a guilty person would say. "You have to believe me. I would never do that to you."

"Whatever," mumbles Sehun. His tone is lacking ire now, sounding more hurt. "I don't even care."

Junmyeon's heart is hammering wildly as he scrabbles for his phone in his bag, carelessly throwing aside his belongings. Once he finds the device, he checks his most recent text conversation with Sehun; which was his assistant asking him something about an email he had to reply to and Junmyeon telling him the answer. That was before noon. Junnmyeon hasn't heard from him since.

He thrusts his phone under Sehun's nose. "Look! I swear, Sehun! This was the last text I got from you."

It takes Sehun a few seconds for his eyes to adjust and to read the screen. His face looks grim when he's finished. Wordlessly, he grabs his own phone and shows Junmyeon his latest texts. Junmyeon's heart falls right to the floor when he sees it.

"What the fuck?" He whispers. He snatches Sehun's phone to get a better look. "I didn't say that! You have to believe me! I wouldn't do that to you- you know I'd tell you, Sehun. Please."

Sehun looks like he's wavering. He doesn't want to be mad at Junmyeon anymore. "Then what happened?"

Junmyeon sits down heavily on the side of the bed, pulling his leg under him. "I have no idea. Sehun, I swear-"

He's cut off by Sehun throwing his arms around his shoulders, almost knocking him backwards. He gasps slightly at the contact.

"It's okay, I believe you. Fuck. I'm sorry for what I said, I didn't mean it. I feel terrible."

"No, don't. I totally get it." Junmyeon rests his hand over Sehun's. "I wish I knew what happened. How can I make it up to you?"

Sehun snorts softly. "You didn't do anything, dummy. I should be making it up to you for being a dick."

"Come to the beach with me tomorrow night?"

Sehun blinks, taken by surprise. Even Junmyeon seems to have said it on the cuff, judging by the uncertain expression on his countenance.

There is a pregnant pause of a few seconds, before a shy smile spreads across Sehun's face.

"I'd love to."

***

Their schedule runs slightly longer than expected the next day due to a shooting conflict, leaving Junmyeon edgy and anxious. They're on limited time; their flight leaves early tomorrow which means they have to wrap up their (date?) outing in good time to ensure they get enough rest. Perhaps it wasn't Junmyeon's smartest idea, but his heart- and Sehun's- is set on it now, so there's no going back.

Once they're given the all clear from the director, they sprint off without even bidding anybody goodbye. Jisoo watches them running to the car, arm-in-arm and falling against each other laughing. She rolls her eyes fondly. She feels like she's intruding on an extremely personal moment, so she turns around and pretends she hasn't seen a thing.

Both men collapse into the back of the car, laughing breathlessly and huffing from the exertion of the run. When Sehun looks over at Junmyeon and smiles, he realises what a compromising position this is. It feels remarkably like he's going on a date; the excitement is the same, the jittery nerves, the raised heart rate and the butterflies are all too familiar. He's used to feeling these around Junmyeon, yet it's amplified somehow. Sehun can't explain it, though he thinks it could be because of what occurred between them at the spa. The pure electricity that ran between them, the thick tension, how they were both trembling in anticipation.

Sehun doesn't want to get his hopes up and think anything is going to come out of tonight, that would mean preparing himself for the inevitable heartbreak, but a small part of him still wonders what if. Does Junmyeon have something planned? Or are his intentions purely innocent? It doesn't help that he's such a hard person to read. Sehun simultaneously knows everything about Junmyeon but absolutely nothing.

He doesn't think Junmyeon is gay. Far from it. He just knows there was something strange occurring. Sehun isn't one to judge sexual crises. If Junmyeon wants to talk to him about it, for clarification or advice, he trusts he will. After all, who is better qualified than Sehun?

He supposes there isn't anything he can do other than wait and see how this all plays out.

When at the villa, both of them waste no time in getting ready. They work perfectly in tandem; Junmyeon occupying the bathroom first while Sehun gets changed, donning his best shirt than Junmyeon didn't buy him. A few minutes later they swap, Sehun goes into the bathroom to brush his teeth and restyle his hair which is starting to come loose from the gel he applied this morning. At the last minute, he remembers what Junmyeon said about his natural hair suiting him, so brushes it out the best he can.

Twenty minutes later, they're stepping out of the villa and walking down to the beach. It's only fifteen minutes away and the weather is mild, so there is no reason why they should be cooped up in the car. After an especially frenetic week, it feels good to get some fresh air and stretch their legs. Sehun runs ahead and clicks his heels, breaking out into an impromptu dance in the middle of the sidewalk. Junmyeon's sweet laughter fills the night, like music in Sehun's ears.

"You're so dumb," Junmyeon says fondly, eyes shining.

Sehun doesn't mind looking dumb if it's for Junmyeon's amusement. Seeing him smile is worth any subsequent embarrassment.

There is a convenience store on the boardwalk that Junmyeon goes into, telling Sehun to wait outside for him. Five minutes later, he triumphantly emerges with a bottle of soju.

Sehun raises his eyebrows. "We have a flight tomorrow morning."

"Live a little, old man," Junmyeon says teasingly. He offers Sehun the first sip. Even though Sehun vowed he wouldn't drink in front of Junmyeon again- or drink in general- he takes it without a second thought. It's been a tough week, he deserves to celebrate. Whatever happens tomorrow is not as important as being in this moment with Junmyeon.

They take turns to pass the bottle as they explore the boardwalk and it's attractions. It's still early, which means there are a lot of people milling around. One thing Sehun notices is how friendly the locals are, offering him and Junmyeon freebies with wide smiles and low bows, wishing them happiness and fair weather. Junmyeon may be used to these kinds of sentiments but Sehun is not. It leaves him feeling very touched. Whenever he tries to pay someone for their kindness, they flatly refuse and shoo them away.

"It's nice here," Sehun remarks as they finally make their way down to a quiet spot on the beach. They have to walk a distance to stray away from the groups of people hanging around the beachside restaurants and shoreline. Once they are far enough away that the other people look like specks in the distance, they sit down in the sand dunes.

"I wish we had longer," sighs Junmyeon. "I can't believe we're going home tomorrow already."

"You had fun though, right?"

"Of course." Junmyeon tips more alcohol down his throat. There's a pleasant buzzing sensation in his head, indicating he's had more than enough to drink. He shouldn't take it too far.

Sehun sinks further into the sand. "Good. That's the main thing."

"That I had fun?"

"Yes." Sehun glances over at him and smirks. "The world revolves around you after all, Princess."

Junmyeon scowls, lips pursing cutely. "That's not fair and you know it."

"I'm only joking," the younger man says placatingly. "No need to be so sensitive."

"Because I never know when you're joking."

"Nothing I ever say is serious. Unless I mean it."

Despite everything, Junmyeon can't help but snorting at the ridiculousness of it all. "You're the worst."

They lapse into silence, basking in the tranquility of the silence. All that can be heard is the faraway rumble of the sea and a few cicadas chirping in the grass banking. It's like a private handful of paradise, unmarred and serene. With Junmyeon by his side, it only feels more like heaven. Sehun knows he must have had slightly too much to drink when this intrusive thought worms it's way to the forefront of his mind. Now it's all he can think about. How the light of the stars frames Junmyeon in a soft, beautiful light, making him look utterly ethereal. Like a higher being who has come down and blessed Sehun with his presence.

Which, Sehun supposes he has.

Everything before Junmyeon seems so meaningless now. Sehun wasn't satisfied with his life; he coasted along in ignorant misery. He didn't even realise how devoid his life was before he finally found a purpose- didn't realise what was missing to make him truly happy. In any other circumstance, a boyfriend may have fulfilled this role; but Junmyeon has happened to fill it. Sehun tries not to think about how unfair this is.

He thinks... He thinks Junmyeon might be his soulmate. Platonically. He knows there are all kinds of soulmates; really, it boils down to someone you love and you can't imagine the rest of your life without them. This certainly applies to Junmyeon. These days, he's become an extension of Sehun; like a limb, half of his heart, half of his soul.

Sehun does love Junmyeon. He loves him like he loves Baekhyun and Chanyeol, considering Junmyeon just as important in his life now as those two are. He's loved Junmyeon as a friend for a long time. No, it doesn't make his feelings for Junmyeon any easier to comprehend, but he's learnt that he will just have to be satisfied with their relationship as it stands now. He cares so much about Junmyeon that it doesn't matter how he remains close to him, all that matters is that he's there.

Finally admitting this feels so liberating. It lifts a huge weight off of Sehun's chest. After months of internal battles, sleepless nights and being pushed to his absolute limit; he can, at last, accept how he feels for Junmyeon. Of course it was inevitable. And it's not going away any time soon. With this admission has come peace. There's nothing Sehun can do to change it now, so he may as well ride it out.

Admittedly, there's a small part of Sehun that hates himself for falling for Junmyeon, when he was so determined that he would be the only person immune to his charms. Did he ever have any choice in it? From the moment he laid eyes on his boss, Sehun knew he was getting himself into danger. His initial thoughts about the older man should have indicated how he would feel for him in the future.

And there Sehun was believing he was able to turn his emotions off like a lightswitch.

Yet, it no longer feels like Junmyeon has wormed his way under Sehun's skin. It's much more pleasant. Now, Sehun acknowledges it as a natural progression; there is nothing grotesque or intrusive about it. Sehun realises now just how much time he has spent pretending to be someone he is not. He's content enough to accept the situation for how it is.

He thinks this has perhaps been the biggest character development in his life.

Never did he think it would be at the hands of Kim Junmyeon. But the world works in mysterious ways like that.

He reaches for the bottle buried between them in the sand, taking a hearty swig. No longer does it burn his throat. Sehun is only drinking to rid himself of these thoughts. He's delved far too deeply into his psyche for one night. Now, he just wants to drown out the voices.

"Did you mean what you said last night?" Junmyeon's voice is quiet, barely audible over the crashing of the surf. "That you don't believe I'm becoming a better person?"

Sehun is stunned. Never did he imagine his words would come back to haunt him like this. He'd foolishly expected to move on from last night and pretend it never happened, that he never said those awful things. His skin is set aflame with disgust.

"Of course not. I was just hurt."

"So you lashed out at me?"

Sehun's eyes drop down meekly. "Yeah."

"You do that a lot."

"I know. I don't mean to. I don't know what else to do in those situations."

"Talk to me like a civil adult?" Jokes Junmyeon, yet there is evident hurt in his eyes. An obvious sadness. He's not crying, though it looks like he's on the precipice.

Seeing him like this makes Sehun want to crawl up and die.

Loving somebody the way he loves Junmyeon also comes with the realisation that you never want to hurt them.

He fails at this every time. 

All he can do is mumble a meek, "Sorry."

Junmyeon sighs, running a hand through his hair. "It's okay. It's not like I don't have my own problems to work out."

"We should get therapy."

Junmyeon can't help but smile at the mental image of him and Sehun in a therapist's office receiving couple's counselling. It would be undoubtedly hilarious, probably ending in a physical altercation too.

Gently, the older man takes the bottle of soju from Sehun so he can take another drink. He's surprised to find they've already consumed half a bottle. The effects of the liquor must be delayed tonight because he doesn't feel much different, just a little bit light-headed and loose. Glancing over at Sehun, he deduces that he's not drunk either. His assistant's shoulders are too tight, his spine too tense and straight. Junmyeon is beginning to wonder whether he should've mentioned anything at all. Had he not been drinking he wouldn't have been brave enough to be so direct about it. A part of him is glad he managed to be so forthright, though.

"You are a good person," Sehun says quietly, never taking his eyes off the ocean. "You used to be a pain in the ass, you're better now. You've changed."

Junmyeon thinks that's fair. "I tried my best," he admits. "I wanted to be a better person. You made me realise that."

Sehun stiffens imperceptibly. His blood runs cold through his veins. He wishes Junmyeon would stop spewing statements like these and leaving him even more confused.

"I'm glad I managed to get some sense into your thick skull."

"How could I not be humbled by you, Sehun?"

"So you admit it was because of me?" The younger man jokes.

Junmyeon's response would knock him off his feet were he not already sat down.

"Of course. You pulled me into line and made me open my eyes. You were the one that talked sense into me when I was taking it too far- you were the only one brave enough. Everyone else around me just agrees with everything I say and do. At first I hated you for it, but then I started to appreciate your honesty. It felt like you were the only person who cared about me as a person- you stuck around for who I am, not what I am. You tried to make me improve myself for my own benefit. Not because you'd get something out of it."

"It did benefit me," Sehun blurts. "Because I got to see you for who you truly are."

The older man's eyes widen slightly. A breeze ruffles his hair, lifting it up slightly and exposing his forehead. His shirt lapel ripples too. The cogs turning in his mind are visible. Like Sehun's words won't quite sink in.

"You know," Junmyeon starts softly. "I never hated you. Even when we fought every day, when I knew you hated me too- I just couldn't bring myself to. I realised how much being around you made me a better person."

I think I'm in love with you.

Sehun takes a long drink of alcohol. After hearing that, he feels he deserves it. The intensity of this conversation is getting too much to endure. He needs to distract himself otherwise he will jump on top of Junmyeon and do something he regrets.

"I tried to hate you," he admits eventually. "I'm still pissed off I couldn't manage it."

Junmyeon gives him one of his infamous scrunched-up smiles, his front teeth on view and slightly biting into his bottom lip. Sehun can't help smiling too. His joy is infectious. Sehun has fought against this for too long. Denied himself of these simple pleasures. He's done holding himself back.

"The world may love me, but your opinion matters the most to me."

Sehun makes a gagging noise. "That's the mushiest shit you've ever said."

"What?" Junmyeon splutters. "And what you said wasn't?"

Instead of a response, Sehun just laughs and shoves him in the shoulder. The drink has impaired his coordination so Junmyeon ends up face down in the sand. He spits it out dramatically, dusting himself off and glaring daggers at the younger man who is cackling wildly. No matter how he feels for Sehun, he's still pissed off he's got irritating grains of sand in his eye.

Once his laughter dies down, Sehun sighs happily and leans back on his hands. He has a cloudy, pensive expression on his countenance. Junmyeon would love to know what he's currently thinking. Is he simply admiring the view before him, or is there something more complex running through his mind?

"It's so beautiful here," he remarks. "It doesn't feel real."

Junmyeon echoes, "Yeah." All of a sudden it's grown darker, the lighting from the buildings on the boardwalk have become more dim so the shadows flickering on Sehun's profile are even more prominent. He's got the type of face that would look beautiful in any light. But Junmyeon thinks he likes him in this one the best; soft, natural and intimate. This and first thing in the morning, when the sun filters through and highlights his face in a golden, watery glow.

"I wish we could stay here" the older man whispers. "Just us two."

Sehun smiles sadly. "I'd like that too."

Junmyeon leans against Sehun's broad shoulder, nestling his head in the curve of his neck. Sehun's breathing halts completely, goose flesh erupting all over his body. Junmyeon's hair tickles the sensitive area underneath his ear, causing him to shiver.

Why won't he kiss me? He thinks desperately. What does any of this mean?

Sehun can't be the one to kiss him first, not when there are so many uncertainties. If he has got the wrong idea and kisses Junmyeon when he doesn't want that- because he is straight- he'll never be able to live with the humiliation, or the guilt of forcing something upon Junmyeon that he didn't consent to. No matter how hard it is to not reach out and touch the older man, Sehun has to summon all his strength to resist. He can't.

Both of them are tipsier than they realised. Sehun isn't strong enough to support them both, subsequently causing them to fall back into the sand with a soft thud. Junmyeon's head is still attached to his shoulder, like he can't bear to be separated from him.

Sehun looks up at the endlessly vast expanse of sky, littered with infinitesimal stars. He's never seen anything so enchanting. There aren't many opportunities to stargaze in the city, not that the pollution would allow you to get a clear view of the sky. It doesn't look real, like a scene from a painting. Encasing him and Junmyeon in this memory forever. Sehun is speechless and overwhelmed.

Glancing down, he studies Junmyeon's face. The slope and rounded edge of his nose, his puckered lips, his long lashes brushing against his cheeks as his eyes flutter shut, letting out a soft noise of contentment.

I care about you far too much, Sehun thinks. It's terrifying me. But there's nothing I can do now.

Notes:

you have never known true gay pining unless you have constantly referred to the love of your life as your best friend or something similar

Chapter 26: Chapter Twenty-Six

Life goes on after their trip to Kenting. Returning home feels dreary and miserable. A fine mist of rain greets them off the plane when they land, seemingly mirroring everybody's mood. The weather doesn't let up, progressively getting worse as the days pass. Soon, their brief time abroad is forgotten as they fall back into their usual routine. Work becomes more gruelling, their hours on set more demanding, and Taiwan seems a million miles away.

Yet, there is one thing that has stuck with them in the aftermath; and that is the obvious shift in Sehun and Junmyeon's relationship. Things have changed, albeit almost imperceptible, but both of them are highly aware. Now, whenever they are in a close vicinity (which is at almost all times of the day) the air between them is charged with electricity. The tension is often so thick it could be sliced with a knife. Sehun's skin tingles whenever he and Junmyeon brush against each other, like a current is using him as a conduit. These things were all present before, they just become more prominent in the aftermath. It becomes harder to ignore.

Sehun's theory is that it has only become more noticeable because something has shifted within Junmyeon too.

He wouldn't like to say what- that would involve getting his hopes up, which he learned long ago to not let happen. With how well he knows Junmyeon, he's just certain something has made his boss change his mind. To decide what is impossible.

Have Sehun's words finally sunk in? The hints he has been throwing at him for weeks finally become apparent? Sehun has been doing everything in his power to allude to his feelings for Junmyeon without actually admitting them aloud. Junmyeon is an intelligent man, he'll figure it out.

He's also exceptionally dense. Especially never having been involved with a man before. But Sehun can't afford to make it any more obvious. Apart from walking up to Junmyeon and telling him how much he'd like to have sex with him and be thrown around the bedroom like a ragdoll, there isn't much more Sehun can say without giving the game away. Or looking like a sexually deviant lunatic.

He could gloss over it in a more civilised manner. Why mince his words when, ultimately, that is what he wants?

It doesn't necessarily get harder to be around Junmyeon, just more frustrating. Most of the time, Sehun wants to grab him by the shoulders, shake him so hard his head goes limp and shout in his face 'Why are you not getting the hints I'm so obviously giving you, you dumbass?'. He has more grace and decorum than that so he manages to refrain, but it's a struggle some days.

However, Sehun is soon faced with a distraction that temporarily makes him forget all about his predicament with Junmyeon.

He's gotten used to occupying Junmyeon's trailer like it's his own. Considering the amount of time he spends there, he likes to think he has some grounds to think this. He also spends a lot of time there on his own when Junmyeon is on set. His usual entourage of makeup artists and Joohyun are usually nearby, waiting on the wings constantly waiting to be summoned. So Sehun has also gotten used to being undisturbed when he's in there. He spends hours trawling through his laptop while he waits for Junmyeon to return.

Not many people come in here apart from Junmyeon's closest team members and the occasional intern who pops their head around the door to alert Junmyeon he's urgently needed elsewhere. So when there's a knock on the trailer door that fateful Wednesday morning, it's safe to say Sehun is more than confused.

Junmyeon has been on set for hours and most people know this. What business do they have here? More to the point, with Sehun?

He's left speechless when he throws open the door and sees Jaehyun standing on the threshold. 

"Hello." Sehun blinks, wrong-footed. "Are you okay?"

"Can I come in?"

Wordlessly, Sehun steps to the side allowing Jaehyun adequate space to come in. He closes the door softly behind him. Sehun wouldn't say he's nervous, exactly, more apprehensive. Him and Jaehyun don't cross paths often, they've talked only a handful of times, including the night they all went to dinner. Aside from smiling politely at one another in passing, Sehun can't imagine why he's come here. Or why he isn't working too.

"Sorry to bother you like this," Jaehyun says. "I didn't know when my next break was."

"It's fine. Is there something you need?"

"Will you come to dinner with me?"

Sehun's eyebrows furrow instinctually, frowning deeply as he tries to process what he thinks Jaehyun just came out with. Surely he can't have heard him correctly. Because there is no way...

"Sorry?"

Jaehyun's smiling. "Will you come to dinner with me?"

"Are you being serious?"

"Of course. Why wouldn't I be?"

To that, Sehun doesn't have an answer. The offer is just so obscure that his brain is having a difficult time keeping up. Mentally, he is still answering the door. The last few seconds have not yet sunk in.

All he's capable of is staring at Jaehyun, his mouth gaping open like a goldfish. It's hardly dignified, but he's lost function of his motor skills in the aftermath. Instead, he just has to give a small inclination of his head in hopes the younger man gets the message. Sehun has been caught so off-guard that he hasn't had time to process the implications of agreeing to this.

Why is he going to dinner with Jaehyun when he isn't the one he wants? As flattered as Sehun is, this means nothing to him when he covets Junmyeon.

However, he could use this to his advantage. If he were to mention it to Junmyeon, his reaction might gauge his true feelings. If he acts jealous, does that mean there is a possibility Sehun's theory is correct? If he tries to stop Sehun, is there a chance the crush is reciprocated? Sehun is almost vibrating with excitement at the prospect of running into Junmyeon.

This is it. Finally, the moment he has been agonising over for so long. Soon, he will have his answer. The weeks of mental torment will be over. And for some reason, Sehun thinks this will be positive. Things have changed between him and Junmyeon, perhaps enough so that the older man's eyes have opened and he realises what he truly wants.

It'll be hard. It always is when you're in a sexuality crisis, but Sehun is willing to be patient. To help him figure it out every step of the way. Not even for his own selfish desires, but for Junmyeon's peace of mind.

He's practically bursting at the seams when Junmyeon arrives back in the trailer during his lunch break, sighing with exhaustion as he takes off his coat. His face is flushed bright red from the cold, especially the tip of his nose. The sight makes Sehun's heart squeeze.

"I think I'm getting a cold," the older man sniffles pitifully. "I hope you're equipped to deal with this."

Sehun arches an eyebrow. "What am I meant to do?"

"Look after me," huffs Junmyeon, throwing himself onto the couch with a groan. "Will you get me some ginger tea? Please," he adds onto the end when he sees Sehun's scowl.

"In a minute," the younger man waves him off. "I need to talk to you about something first."

Junmyeon leans forward in interest. "Oh?" He tries to mask his excitement, he can't fathom where it's directed.

"Jaehyun asked me to dinner earlier."

With those six words, the walls begin to close around Junmyeon. His blood runs cold, like ice has been injected into his veins. Dread seeps down the back of his neck, slithering unpleasantly down his spine. For several moments, he forgets how to breathe.

Junmyeon is aware of Sehun watching him expectantly, awaiting some kind of response. What can he say? How is he possibly supposed to react to this news? It might not have been so bad if he knew it was coming, but this was completely unforeseen. Since when did Sehun and Jaehyun interact with one another? Junmyeon can't remember ever seeing them exchange more than ten words to one another.

"Oh," is all he can say, much less enthusiastic this time.

"Yeah..." Sehun's eyebrows are knotted together tightly. "What do you think I should do?"

The older man steels himself. Inhaling deeply, he dredges his eyes up to meet Sehun's sharp gaze, almost flinching away at the intensity of it. Even though the words feel like acid in his throat, burning painfully, Junmyeon knows he has to do this. For Sehun's sake.

He can't give the younger man what he needs. He would be much better off with Jaehyun. Jaehyun, who clearly knows what he wants and feels no need to hold back. One day Sehun will thank him for this.

It doesn't matter how much it hurts Junmyeon. Sehun's happiness will always take priority.

"You should go for it!" He says, faux brightly. He's amazed his voice doesn't betray him. Then again, he is an actor. "Jaehyun is a great guy."

Why doesn't Sehun look more ecstatic? Why does he look like Junmyeon has just slapped him in the face? No, worse than that; betrayed him.

Shouldn't Sehun be happy? One of the most sought out stars in the industry has singled him out and decided he wants to take him on a date. This privilege isn't extended to just anyone, as Sehun well knows after being in Junmyeon's employ for so long. Jaehyun has a line of adoring fans, co-stars and other famous figures a mile long that would kill to be in Sehun's position right now. They'd tear him apart limb-from-limb for the opportunity to hang off Jaehyun's arm and be taken to one of the flashiest restaurants in the city.

So why does he look so defeated?

"Okay," Sehun says, steely and level. His spine is straight, shoulder set, like a soldier about to go to war. "Just wanted to double check. I don't want to be the cause of any workplace drama."

Junmyeon smiles weakly. "Don't even worry about it. Go and enjoy yourself. You deserve it," he says quietly as an afterthought.

Sehun opens his mouth, eyes glinting dangerously. Junmyeon is ready for him to say something hurtful, almost craves it as opposed to the cold distance that has suddenly sprouted between them. It would set things in motion again, setting right the last couple of weeks where their relationship has been hanging in a bizarre limbo. All it would take is one smartass comment and Junmyeon would snap. He doesn't care how much Sehun would hate him for forbidding him from going on a date with Jaehyun. Junmyeon should just do something to stop it. He could even pull the seniority and superiority card on him, as unfair as that would be.

Just something.

But Sehun snaps his jaw shut, lowering his eyes. Whatever ire ignited him only moments ago is extinguished as quickly as it grew.

"Okay." He turns his head, looking off into the distance. He's so beautiful it makes Junmyeon want to cry. "I will."

***

"Are you okay? You're uncharacteristically quiet."

Sehun's head snaps up in surprise to see Jongin surveying him from the opposite side of the table. Tonight is one of the rare nights where their schedules coincide, making it possible to have dinner together. With the extra hours Sehun is working and Jongin picking up more shifts at the restaurant, they seldom see one another these days.

Once upon a time, Sehun may have been heartbroken by this lack of contact. Now, when Jongin's eyes bear into him, he safely deduces he doesn't feel a thing. Not even the slightest fluttering in his heart. At the same time Junmyeon became all Sehun could think about, his love for his best friend mellowed into something completely platonic. Of course he still adores Jongin, but in the way a friend should. In a way that will no longer hurt him.

"I'm fine," he says lightly. He knows his quietness is ruining some of the only quality time they'll get together for the foreseeable future, but he's had such a rough day, Sehun feels like he's allowed to brood over it.

Jongin rolls his eyes. "You're obviously not. Did something happen at work?"

Sehun hadn't even considered telling his friends about Jaehyun's offer, since it still doesn't seem real. Yet, with Jongin asking him so directly, he can hardly lie. The jig is up. Jongin is like a bloodhound, he won't rest until every piece of information has been prised from his unrelenting hands.

"It's... complicated."

"We have time," Jongin tells him, like it's infuriatingly simple. Like he would know what it's like to be caught in all this turmoil. It was so easy for him and Kyungsoo. They came to the mutual agreement they wanted to be together and have been together for two blissfully, steady years. He can't imagine what Sehun is going through.

Sehun is surprised at this sudden onslaught of bitterness, swallowing it down rapidly.

"Jaehyun asked me on a date today."

The sound of Jongin's chopsticks falling on the ceramic plate is deafening in the small, silent kitchen. He emits a loud gasp of shock, so stunned that he doesn't even move to pick up his fallen utensils. They continue to marinate in his soup as Jongin stares at his best friend in bewilderment.

"Jung Jaehyun?"

Sehun nods, tight-lipped.

"As in; famous actor and Sexiest Man Of The Year Jung Jaehyun?"

"Junmyeon won it this year," corrects Sehun automatically. "But, yeah."

Jongin's eyes are so blown they're almost falling out of their sockets. He lets out a low, long whistle. "How do you manage to have all these celebrities falling for you?"

"Look at me and ask yourself that question again. You have an answer."

"Sehun, I'm serious."

Sehun groans. There's no point trying to deflect, Jongin knows him far too well; and now he's had a hint at the gossip, he's going to pursue this like a dog with a bone. No matter what diversionary tactics Sehun uses, Jongin will steer them back to square one.

"I don't know, okay? I've barely even spoken to him. The most we ever talked was that night we all went to dinner- remember me telling you about that? So I'm just as confused as you are."

Jongin narrows his eyes, bottom lip jutting out in a pout. If Sehun didn't know any better, he'd think he was sulking.

"It's not fair that you get to live in a drama," his roommate grumbles. "My life is nowhere near this exciting."

"That's because you work in a restaurant and make minimum wage."

Jongin flicks a grain of rice at him across the table, cackling with laughter when it manages to get enough momentum to catch Sehun in the eye. The younger man reels backward, equally as surprised. His eye begins to water at the assault.

"Really mature," he grumbles, holding his hand against the wound.

"Quit whining. So what did you say to him?"

"I agreed, obviously. I couldn't turn him down, could I?"

This causes his best friend to gape even wider. If his mouth opens much more, it'll snap off its hinges and result in an expensive trip to the hospital. Though, Sehun might get some peace in the aftermath. Now he's told Jongin the situation, he's never going to shut up about it. The upcoming weeks will be terse.

"No way! What about Junmyeon?"

Sehun narrows his eyes. "What about him he asks?" He asks sharply.

Jongin blinks. "N-nothing!" He backtracks. "Doesn't he find it weird you're going on a date with one of his coworkers?"

This next part is perhaps the hardest to get out. The most difficult pill to swallow.

"Nope." Sehun attempts to keep his voice breezy. Showing how much he doesn't care. "He told me to go for it. He said I deserved to be happy."

How heartbreaking, Jongin thinks. That he'd abandon his chance with Sehun to protect him like that. Why?

"But it's not going anywhere, right?" Jongin prompts. "Because you don't like Jaehyun."

He's not the one you want.

The younger man shrugs. "I don't know. I haven't had a chance to get to know him properly. Anything could happen."

It sounds like he's trying to convince himself more than Jongin. His heart bleeds. He knows the last thing Sehun wants is pity, but it's hard to remain impassive watching him struggle this way.

Sehun is stoic and apathetic at the best of times, yet, Jongin can tell just how much this has been wearing him down. He looks so tired, all of a sudden. The purple bruises under his eyes never seem to disappear, when he walks around the house he always appears limp and lifeless, lacking the bravado he used to strut around with. Albeit, his personality has not changed much- if not mellowing out slightly, becoming more sensitive to teasing- but Jongin has known his best friend for long enough to realise the immense change that has come over him. It's not all bad, Sehun has grown up a lot, Jongin just hates the price at which it has come with.

There is a direct correlation to this change and Sehun becoming closer to Junmyeon. Spending more time with his boss, working later hours, seeing him outside of work, accompanying him on dates. And what Kyungsoo said all that time ago haunts him even now.

("Junmyeon is in love with Sehun," he'd said, utterly deadpan.

"What?" Jongin asked in disbelief. This was during the first couple of months when Sehun began working for him, when he despised his boss and would happily tell anyone who listened. "How can you tell?"

Kyungsoo shrugged. "When he talks about him he gets this look in his eye."

"How do you know?"

"I just do."

Kyungsoo was the one who was friends with Junmyeon, not Jongin, so he could hardly dispute it, even though he didn't believe it. There was no evidence. And though Kyungsoo's intuition was always sharp, Jongin assumed he was simply confused. Misled, somehow. Taking things out of proportion. Because there was no way Kim Junmyeon could ever love someone like Oh Sehun.)

Months later, Jongin can't believe the irony. He finds his naivety almost laughable. Of course Kyungsoo was correct. Perhaps Junmyeon had not realised it himself at this point, but, really, it was inevitable. No matter how much Sehun protested he hated his boss and always would, Jongin knew his heart would win over his head eventually.

It always does.

So for Jaehyun to force himself into the already precarious decision will only make things worse for Sehun. And Jongin doesn't know how much more he can watch his best friend take.

He doesn't usually involve himself in Sehun's life, knowing that the younger man doesn't appreciate people meddling in his private business, but Jongin can't do this much longer. His conscience can't take it.

"I don't think you should."

His words suck the air out of the room. Sehun visibly stiffens, hands clenching under the table as he meets Jongin's level gaze with his own cool one. Jongin stares back hard, unrelenting. Silence swells between them, growing thick with tension.

"Why?"

"You should listen to your heart," Jongin says. "You don't want to go on a date with Jaehyun really. You just think you should because Junmyeon told you to. Since when have you ever obeyed Junmyeon?"

This statement holds extreme weight. Obviously Jongin doesn't see how Sehun behaves around the older man now, how much more agreeable he is these days- ever since he learned Junmyeon's happiness is his own.

"I'm doing it for me."

"No, you're not." Jongin folds his arms across his chest. "You're doing it because you can't have Junmyeon, so you're settling for second best."

"That's not-" Sehun cuts himself off, eyes dropping to the table. There's no point protesting. Jongin has seen through him like he was made of glass.

"You need to do something soon, Sehun," Jongin's voice is much kinder now. "I can tell how much it's bothering you. You're not yourself. All of this could be over if you just talked to him. I wouldn't tell you to do it if I thought Junmyeon would reject you- I saw you together that night we went to dinner. Obviously you don't see it, but he likes you. Probably more than you like him. It's difficult for everyone to watch you both be so oblivious, when it's obvious what you both want."

Sehun is ashamed when he feels the cyclone of tears stinging the back of his throat. Blinking his eyes quickly, he tries to eradicate the teardrops that threaten to fall. It's only Jongin, he's cried in front of his roommate more than anyone else- trusts him more than anyone else- but to cry would accept defeat. Everything he has so laboriously built up over the past few months would come crashing down so easily. He can't do that- not now, not ever.

"You don't understand, I can't," his voice cracks. "If I said something I could ruin everything between us. I don't think I'd care if he rejected me, I only care about losing him- which I would. Nothing is ever the same after you confess to something like that. I don't care what people say, we couldn't be friends afterwards."

"We're still best friends, aren't we?"

The breath catches in Sehun's throat. Hot acid churns in his stomach. "What?" He whispers.

Jongin smiles softly. "I know you used to like me, Sehun. I played dumb because I didn't want to humiliate you. Do you think anything has changed between us? Of course not. It never will. If you truly care about someone, something this small would never come between you. You'll do everything you can to keep them in your life. That happens when you love someone. I know you have this skewed vision of love, that you think people don't love you enough to stick around, but it's not true. Not at all. We love you all so much that we fight our hardest to keep you close, even if you are a pain in the ass most of the time."

This time, Sehun can't help it. The dam breaks and he dissolves into ugly, wracking sobs, rendering him bent over the table with his face buried in his hands.

"I'm sorry," he chokes.

Jongin makes his way across the table, cupping Sehun's head and hugging him close to his chest. They remain in this position, Jongin holding him close and Sehun's tears slowly dampening the front of his sweater.

"What for, you idiot?" He asks lovingly. "I don't love you any less. I should be saying sorry to you. But it's all over now, isn't it?"

Sehun gives a miniscule nod. He is certain of this. What he feels for Jongin now is the deepest love and respect, yet there are no underlying butterflies or electric currents when he touches him.

"See? I don't hate you for it. Just like Junmyeon wouldn't. Love isn't black and white, Sehun. You can't just switch it off when something doesn't go your way. Junmyeon loves you as a friend, that wouldn't change by confessing to him. Feelings are so much more complex than that. If Baekhyun told you he was in love with you, would you hold it against him?"

"No," sniffles Sehun. "I-I don't think I'm worth it. What if he uses it as an excuse to get rid of me? That he doesn't want me around anymore because he's sick of me."

Jongin chuckles. "My God, you are such a drama queen. Open your eyes, Sehun. If I, an innocent bystander, can tell Junmyeon likes you back, I'm not sure why it hasn't penetrated into your thick skull." He gently taps Sehun's temple, making him snort and accidentally release a snot bubble.

"Gross."

"Sorry," mumbles Sehun, carelessly wiping his nose with his sleeve. "You're right. I guess I'm just worried because-"

"You've never had to confess to anyone because people always fall in love with you first. We know," Jongin rolls his eyes. "You don't have to brag about it."

Sehun nudges him gently with his shoulder. "Shut up. That is not what I meant."

"Yeah, yeah. You little Cassanova."

"Not helping."

"I know," Jongin says cheerfully. "So, have you decided what you're going to do?"

Sehun scrubs at his eyes. "I'm still gonna go, only because it's rude to back out when I've already agreed to it. But I'll tell him when I'm there. That seems fair, right?"

"Good call," Jongin tells him. "Besides, he's Jung Jaehyun. It's not like you're going to break his heart- ow!"

***

As expected, Jaehyun takes them to one of the most upmarket eating establishments in the city, where mere mortals like Sehun could only dream of dining at. With prices that high and a waiting list that long, ordinary people with no connections would never have the opportunity to go there. Sehun supposes he should be grateful that Jaehyun has pulled so many strings in an attempt to impress him, yet he still feels numb. He's written this date off before it's even started. If Jaehyun can sense his reluctance, he keeps a brave face and doesn't acknowledge it.

With a pride as large as his, he doesn't have any other choice.

The restaurant is on the rooftop of a high-rise building in the centre of the city, encased under a glass roof to keep in the heat. With how high up they are and how severely the wind is whistling outside, Sehun is grateful for this protection.

The decor is sleek, grey and futuristic, like the interior of a spaceship. The furniture is white and polished so highly that Sehun can see his reflection when he looks down at the tabletop. Dim red lights hang from the ceiling, bathing the restaurant in a rosy pink glow. Neon signs and motifs decorate the walls. All the contrasting lights are harsh and headache inducing. It's far too gaudy, causing Sehun to wonder why this is considered trendy amongst those elite enough to visit here. He imagines Junmyeon would have a lot to say about the place. He is a classic man too, him and Sehun have similar taste in almost everything.

They order expensive cocktails with extravagant names to begin with, Sehun doesn't know where to begin understanding what they are so he asks Jaehyun to order on his behalf. The younger man smiles sweetly, clearly thinking Sehun is being flirtatious and not dense.

They maintain small talk until their appetisers arrive, but the tangy yet strong taste of the cocktail neutralises any flavour. With how much alcohol is clearly in them, Sehun notes to limit himself to only two. The last thing he wants to do is be caught by some paparazzi who are lurking outside, hoping to catch some celebrities stumbling out drunk. Sehun has no reason to believe that the press have caught downwind that him and Jaehyun are here, but if he's learnt anything from his time with Junmyeon it's not to take your privacy for granted.

The longer they talk to one another, the more Sehun opens up. Instead of being intimidated by Jaehyun, he begins to think of him as a friend; like Junmyeon and Jisoo. Once he gets over the mental hurdle that Jaehyun is a human being and not just a famous actor completely out of his league, he becomes less tongue-tied. It's like having dinner with an old friend. He's surprised at how well they get along- how much they have in common.

There's a bitter irony to the situation. Sehun could see himself so easily falling for Jaehyun's charm and endearing awkwardness, it could work out so well. He'd be with Jaehyun and remain friends with Junmyeon. That would be the sensible set up. Sehun knows he should give Jaehyun a chance, especially when the younger man is obviously trying so hard.

But, the heart wants what it wants. And Sehun's heart doesn't want the man sitting opposite him; of course it wants the untouchable, unreadable man that holds him at arm's length, unwilling to ever open up and give Sehun the clarity he so desperately needs.

When Sehun reaches this conclusion, he relaxes considerably. This date means nothing. It doesn't matter how it goes because there won't be another one. Sehun has sated his curiosity, showing willingness by accompanying Jaehyun, but that is as far as his consideration will extend.

It may sound harsh, but Sehun doesn't want to lead Jaehyun on under false pretences. He doesn't ever want to mess anyone around the way Junmyeon does to him. It's exhausting, mentally draining and cruel. Nobody should have to suffer that.

Halfway through their main course, Sehun works up the courage to address the issue that has been bothering him ever since Jaehyun invited him earlier in the week.

"I was surprised you invited me to dinner," he remarks casually, continuing to load noodles onto his spoon.

Jaehyun smiles, his dimples prominent. "Really? Why is that?"

"I never thought I caught your attention," he says wryly.

"That's what you think. It was hard to talk to you when you're joined at Junmyeon's hip." His words and tone are completely innocuous, yet it rubs Sehun up the wrong way. "But I did notice you. Ever since the first time I saw you."

Sehun feels foolish with what comes out of his mouth next, even though he needs to get it off his chest. "I didn't realise you were gay."

Jaehyun raises an eyebrow, looking amused. "A lot of people in the industry are gay, they just have to keep it on the low so it doesn't ruin their reputation."

A horrible, sharp feeling writhes in Sehun's chest. A combination of sympathy and understanding. Of course there are those out there who will never be able to be their true selves, that will have to suppress and hide themselves away in fear of losing everything they have worked so hard for. On the scale of things, Sehun's struggle with his sexuality seems insignificant. A few months of inner turmoil and then coming out to a loving, understanding family and supportive group of friends pales in comparison to the burden that people like Jaehyun have to carry around with them at all times.

It must be exhausting, playing a role on and off screen.

"That's ridiculous," Sehun pulls a face. Suddenly he feels overwhelmingly guilty, like Jaehyun is judging him for being able to live freely.

Jaehyun sighs. "Yeah, but that's life. What can you do?"

"Will you ever come out?"

"Maybe. I want to. When the time's right. My agent said my position isn't stable enough right now. Possibly in the next few years."

"That's... sad."

"I have no problem being gay and telling people who I trust, so don't feel sad for me. Feel sad for those who can't even admit it to themselves. They're the ones who are struggling the most."

***

The first thing Sehun does when he gets through the front door of his apartment is call Junmyeon. Balancing his phone in between his shoulder and ear, he leans against the wall to slip his shoes off as he waits for his boss to pick up. As always, it only takes a few rings before Junmyeon's voice is coming through the line.

"Hello?" His boss sounds surprised, like he always does when Sehun phones him, even after all this time and the numerous calls they've exchanged. "Is everything okay?"

"I just got home," Sehun tells him, shrugging off his suit jacket and padding through to the utility room. Expertly, with one hand, he shoves his jacket into the washing machine and begins unbuttoning his shirt. It doesn't occur to him to put Junmyeon on loudspeaker. He likes having the older man's voice right next to his ear, it makes him feel closer to him.

"Oh," says Junmyeon. There is a slight pause. Then, "How was it?"

"It was fine," Sehun says, gritting his teeth as he struggles with the highest button on his shirt. It's been restricting his airflow nearly all night and it's impossible to undo with just one hand. "Jaehyun was really nice."

Junmyeon sniffs. "He has the ability to be like that sometimes."

"I thought you two were friends?"

"We are. You're just too good for him."

Even though he's on his own, Sehun's eyebrows rise up to his hairline. A strange feeling grips his insides. He shakes his head quickly before he gets any ideas out of the ordinary. It'll only lead to disappointment.

"You said me going on a date with your coworker wouldn't be awkward," Sehun points out smugly.

"I lied," Junmyeon deadpans.

"What if I'm about to tell you he's the love of my life?"

"Then I'll stop making jokes, but I'm not taking back what I said."

Sehun rolls his eyes. Men and their poor egos.

"So where did you go?"

"This rooftop restaurant. I think it was called Level Nine?"

Junmyeon gulps, his heart plummeting. Of course Jaehyun took him to the trendiest establishment in the city to show off.

That's way better than an aquarium, he thinks glumly.

"Oh." His voice is small, slightly crestfallen. "That sounds... nice."

"It was okay," shrugs Sehun, tussling with his slacks. They get caught around his ankle, sending him crashing into the laundry machine. His phone slips out of his hands, Junmyeon recoils at the loud burst of static on impact. He hears Sehun cursing in the background and stifles a laugh.

"Was it not up to your refined standards?"

Sehun huffs. "Shut up. I just don't think showing off wealth is all that impressive."

Junmyeon rolls over in bed, trying not to feel too elated by this statement. He knew this about Sehun, yet it's still a relief hearing it come from his own mouth. Clearly Jaehyun doesn't know him as well as he thinks.

"Was that a jibe at me?"

"If the shoe fits." Sehun crouches down in front of the laundry machine, pressing a few buttons before straightening up and heading to his bedroom. Jongin is working late so he has the apartment to himself, able to freely talk to Junmyeon as loud as he pleases. However, he won't sleep until his roommate gets back. He knows Jongin will want all the details, unable to wait until tomorrow night to hear them.

"Are you going to see him again?"

Sehun sits down on the edge of his bed heavily. "Duh. We work on the same set."

Junmyeon rolls his eyes. "I know it's hard for you, but don't be a smartass."

"If you mean am I going on another date with him; probably not."

In the end, Sehun had not quite managed to summon the courage to call it off altogether with Jaehyun. He'd hedged around the topic, completely losing his head when it came down to it. Either Sehun has become softer and unable to reject people, or a small part of him truly cares about Jaehyun and doesn't want to turn him down; either way, he couldn't get his words out. He'd left it very open-ended when Jaehyun asked if they could meet again, neither agreeing nor disagreeing. He'd said something along the lines of 'seeing how it goes' and 'getting to know each other'. This seemed to satisfy Jaehyun, who smiled widely at him and gave him a kiss on the cheek before dropping him off outside of his apartment building.

Could he tell Junmyeon this? Probably not. Even though they're friends, Sehun feels like this is something that should remain private.

Junmyeon swallows his heart that has jumped into his throat. "That's a shame."

"It's whatever. But he did tell me something interesting, though."

"He has the ability to be interesting?"

"You sound unbelievably catty right now. Sort it out. Anyway, he was telling me about gay people in the industry. You know, since he's gay too."

Junmyeon licks his dry lips. If he didn't know any better, he'd say Sehun was baiting him. He wouldn't say something so random like this normally. The tone of his voice, cautious and light, totally gives him away. This must be his subtle way of prying without making it sound like he's doing it.

"And what exactly did he say?"

"That there are a lot of people in the closet, too scared to come out." Sehun swallows thickly, trying to get some air back into his lungs. It took an unprecedented amount of strength to say this aloud, knowing how obvious it sounds. Knowing that Junmyeon will take it as an accusation. He's waiting for his boss to fire up, scolding him for crossing a line and prying into business that he has no right in.

At least then, Sehun will have a clear answer.

Junmyeon sighs heavily. Only he can detect the amount of burden this exhale. "Yeah. It's terrible that people can't live their truths, that even in modern society it's still not accepted."

Of course Junmyeon had to give him the most ambiguous answer possible.

"What about you though?" The older man asks. "How... how did you come out? Did you have any trouble with it?"

They've never touched on this delicate topic before. Since Sehun came out to his boss, Junmyeon has never discussed or even alluded to it; out of both awkwardness and respect. He thought that if Sehun ever wanted to talk about it, then he would. But since they're discussing it already, he doesn't see why he can't ask. The question has been eating him up for a while now. He wants to know what it's like coming out when you have no internalised shame about it.

"Not really," the younger man answers honestly. "I always knew I liked boys. I mean, you can't really hide something like that. You can repress it or ignore it, but it's always going to be there. So I just... accepted it. I didn't realise it wasn't normal until high school, when I heard some guys bullying a kid in the locker rooms about being gay. Hearing that gave me a bit of an existential crisis, to be fair. I thought it was wrong. But then Baekhyun told me he was gay, and I realised it wasn't the end of the world after all. Then Jongin came out. So I started looking on the internet and read other people's coming out stories. There were so many that I realised it wasn't this obscure, shameful thing- I couldn't help it. After that I just... stopped being ashamed. I told my parents and brother, they needed time to process it but overall they were very supportive. I've never had any problem with it since."

There's a prolonged silence on the other end of the phone. Sehun worries that he's opened up too much, never actually relaying this story aloud before. He doesn't think he's ever shown this side of him before, especially to Junmyeon; this vulnerability. Usually it's Junmyeon who wears his heart on his sleeve, confiding Sehun in everything. The younger man is much more reserved, keeping everything bottled up.

Yet, there's always the possibility hearing his story may make Junmyeon open up, or realise some things too. Sehun could be Junmyeon's Baekhyun, by assuring him that being gay isn't inherently bad or sinful. It's unchangeable. It's not something you can beat down and get rid of. The sooner he realises that, the sooner he may open up and have an epiphany of his own.

"So it was your parents who made you realise it was okay?" Junmyeon's voice is soft, scratchy, raw. He's holding back a cyclone of tears in his throat.

Sehun wrinkles his nose in consideration. "No, not really. Their stance on it wouldn't have changed mine, if that makes sense. Obviously I would have been upset, but it's not like they could have changed me. Or told me I wasn't gay. The facts were still the same."

"Would you not have been ashamed if they told you it's wrong?"

It's not something Sehun has ever really considered. Because even before coming out, Sehun knew deep down they would accept him. That's just what families do.

"No," he replies. "Like I said, what could they have done to change it? I guess I'm lucky that I'm self-assured."

You have no idea, Junmyeon thinks grimly.

"Thanks for telling me, Sehun," his boss says. "I'm glad we can talk like this."

"Yeah, me too. But you know you can always talk to me too, right?"

"Yes, of course." Junmyeon knows what's coming, or, at least what the younger man is thinking. It's time to cut this short. "I shouldn't keep you, it's late. Thank you for letting me be nosy. Goodnight, Sehun."

"You're not-" the younger man begins, getting cut off midway through when Junmyeon rings off. Sehun doesn't know why this hurts so much. Maybe because it feels like a rejection.

With a sigh, he falls back onto his bed. Whatever Junmyeon may currently be thinking, Sehun just hopes he has been able to shed some light on the matter.

Notes:

so like if a little bird were to possibly say that something big is coming within the next couple of chapters idk maybe you should listen to it or something

Chapter 27: Chapter Twenty-Seven

Sehun has a secret. A guilty pleasure. It's not something he ever wants people to find out, keeping it to himself in fear of being judged. Only one person knows about it and this is Jongin, only because he burst in one night and caught him in the act. Sehun was so horrified that he couldn't speak for the remainder of the day, too embarrassed to look him in the eye and endure the taunts.

Sehun likes knitting.

It's not like he's doing anything bad or reprehensible, lots of people have the same hobby; in recent years, it's become a lot more acceptable and looked at now as a form of art. But Sehun, as a young man in his mid-twenties with a resting bitch face and heart of stone, would rather people didn't find out about it.

It would totally ruin his image.

He's knitted ever since middle school, when his grandma taught him one rainy afternoon for lack of anything better to do. His grandma always jokes that when he took an interest in the craft, she knew straight away he was gay. Sehun appreciates this sentiment since she says it lovingly, if it's not a little outdated, and thinks along a similar line himself. While boys his age were roughing it playing soccer or baseball, he was knitting with his grandmother or leaping around a dance studio.

Ever since he became good at it, Sehun has always knitted and made handmade presents for his loved ones. He never tells them he was the one who made it though, brushing it off that he simply bought it at a market or from an independent seller. It's better this way. Not only does it rid him of judgement, but he gets to see people's initial reactions and hear their thoughts. So far, every person he has gifted has gushed about how lovely the garment is; with immaculate stitching, beautiful colours and intricate patterns. Hearing the praise lights a fire in him, always determined to get better to receive more praise.

So, only his grandma and Jongin know this secret. Truthfully, it's a miracle neither of the blabbermouths have let it slip; both of them must sense how much it means to Sehun, amazingly managing to keep their mouths shut.

Sehun always starts his knitting as winter approaches, judging how long he will need to create and adjust whatever garment he chooses to make. Most years he manages to get a couple done, sometimes quite complex and extravagant, but this year there is only one he wants to focus on. He needs it to be perfect, which is why he must dedicate so much attention to it.

He has been working on it for a few weeks now already, doing bits at sporadic intervals when he has rare catharsis; staying up late most nights, or bringing it onto set with him and discreetly working while Junmyeon is filming. He always manages to stuff it away in his bag before anyone can catch him. He has become much more covert ever since that fateful night Jongin walked in on him.

It's coming along nicely. Probably better than anything he has made before. Then again, Sehun is putting a lot more love into this garment.

Because his mind is so focused on his knitting, he hardly has time to consider what other presents he's going to buy. He has more money this year, and his friends told him they were taking this into account so if they didn't get expensive enough presents there would be trouble. However, with more money comes less time. Soon, the build-up to Christmas becomes a nightmare fueled by stress, paranoia and sheer anxiety. Sehun is kept alive by the caffeine thrumming through his bloodstream, a higher percentage than oxygen.

He requests one Saturday off to go into the city and pick up what he can. Armed with a vague list and even vaguer ideas, he heads to the mall in hopes that the adequate gifts will catch his eye.

You'd think if you'd known your friends for a long time it would be easier to buy gifts for them, Sehun discovers it is the exact opposite. He's known Baekhyun since the womb, so what could he possibly give him that he hasn't already gifted him in the past? Jongin is an awkward person to buy for in general, made worse since Kyungsoo buys him whatever his heart desires. The only person Sehun has a clear idea for is Chanyeol. He buys him a guitar he has been raving on about for months, remembering to text Minseok to forewarn him not to duplicate the gift.

As stressful as shopping is, Sehun actually finds it a relief to focus on something that isn't Junmyeon. Ever since their strange conversation after his date with Jaehyun, the older man and his cryptic words have been plaguing Sehun more than normal. He's spent weeks trying to decipher the obscure nature of their conversation, only to hit dead ends every time.

Part of Sehun expected Junmyeon to come out almost immediately after the discussion. Or, if not come out, at least tell Sehun it had been bothering him; turning to him for advice. Yet, he has remained silent about it. Tight-lipped and intent on never reflecting on it again. Sehun will never know how humiliated Junmyeon was in the aftermath, wanting to crawl up and die after letting Sehun see that side to him.

As always, the monumental things that need to be addressed between them are forgotten, choosing to focus on the easier to tackle, petty issues that lead to endless squabbles and swift make ups once they remember they hate arguing these days. Sehun can't go three hours without crawling back to Junmyeon with a meek apology, Junmyeon lasting even less.

However, Sehun has his answer now. So no more prying is needed.

Turns out he was wrong all along.

***

There are many things Sehun enjoys about knitting; the main thing being the sense of accomplishment that blossoms in his chest as he holds the finished piece in his hands, able to admire his handiwork and appreciate the endeavour that has gone into it. The liberating feeling of finally finishing a project and it being perfect is incomparable.

Other factors include the methodical approach, closely following a pattern and watching it unfurl before your very eyes. Sehun finds this very relaxing, letting his mind wander as his hands take on a life of their own and move as one with the needles. While occasionally glancing at the pattern, he can mull over whatever he wants when he's working. He's been doing it for so long that knitting has become second nature now, able to do it without thinking about it.

With his hectic life and schedule, it's nice to have these small pockets of peace and serenity. He'd go insane without them. Especially with how much he has on his mind lately.

Not only have things become strained with Junmyeon, work has also started piling up on him, as well as the added pressure of the festive season. Sehun can feel a breakdown approaching very rapidly.

One morning, he's knitting rapidly and ignoring his phone which keeps pinging with new emails and texts; he's nearly halfway through his piece with only two weeks until Christmas Day. While the timing is a lot better than he anticipated, he still wants to leave enough time to alter anything if needs be. The longer he scrutinises his work, the more imperfections he finds that need to be fixed.

Junmyeon has a habit of knocking on the trailer door when he knows Sehun is working, despite the trailer actually belonging to him. Somewhere along the line, it became as much Sehun's habitat as his own. Probably more Sehun's, actually, since he spends the most time here. Junmyeon just pops in when his busy schedule allows it.

When he knocks on the door, Sehun freezes in horror, staring down at the knitting needles in his grasp. He has only seconds before Junmyeon barges in, because even though he knocks he never gives Sehun time to answer. In a panic, he lunges across the sofa and shoves his knitting into his backpack and stuffs it underneath the sofa. Sehun then sprints across the room to sit at the dressing table where his laptop has been intrusively watching him all morning. By the time Junmyeon comes in, Sehun has made it look like he's been sat here all along.

"Working hard or hardly working?" Teases Junmyeon.

"Says the man who talks to a camera for a living."

Junmyeon holds his hand to his chest, looking wounded. "That hurt. What are you up to?"

Sehun waves a vague hand in the direction of his laptop. "Just emails." Little does Junmyeon know he hasn't opened or responded to a single one. "You're more trouble than you're worth."

Junmyeon stands behind him and claps his hands down onto his broad shoulders. "You don't mean that, Sehunnie. How would you fill in your time without me?"

"Probably by doing something actually productive."

"You're being so prickly today," the older man pouts. His hands are still on Sehun's shoulders. He considers resting his chin on top of Sehun's head, before realising that's an intimate step too far. Sehun has become begrudgingly accustomed to their skinship, so Junmyeon doesn't want to overstep the mark.

"Sorry," he sighs, leaning back in his chair. "I'm just stressed."

"Is it something I can help with?"

"Not really. Unless you want to do my Christmas shopping and work for me."

"I don't think I can do the work but I can set you up with my personal shopper." He blinks in bewilderment when Sehun turns to glare at him. "What?"

"Your what?"

"My personal shopper," he repeats, like it's the most normal thing in the world. "I don't have time to buy all my Christmas gifts so she does it for me."

"My God, I hate rich people," Sehun massages his temple. "When the revolution comes I'm eating you first."

"I'm offering to help!"

Sehun's eyebrows knit together in the middle. "I need time to think about this. I have a very solid moral compass."

Junmyeon rolls his eyes. "Sure. Anyway, speaking of Christmas; I wanted to talk to you about it. Do you remember at Chuseok when you invited me to your place and we just kinda assumed I'd be spending Christmas with you?"

"Of course. You're more than welcome."

Junmyeon now feels incredibly guilty, amplified by Sehun's kind words. He rubs the back of his neck awkwardly, unable to look the younger man in the eye.

"Well, I agreed I'd spend it with my parents. I'm sorry, but they're inviting my grandmother round from the retirement home and I never get a chance to see her usually. It would be the first time I've seen her all year. I'm sorry, I appreciate your offer endlessly-"

"Jun, it's fine," Sehun chuckles. "You don't have to go overboard with the apology." Admittedly, he's very disappointed because he'd been looking forward to the prospect of spending Christmas with Junmyeon, but he's certainly not going to express that. "Go and see your family. I'm sure your grandmother will want to see you just as much as you want to see her."

"That's the thing," the older man sighs. "I don't want to see them. I wish there was a way I could get her out of the home myself, but my dad is the only one with permission to do that."

"Well..." Sehun shifts slightly in his seat. "We can always go and see her together, right? Or, I'll take you and wait in the car. I don't think your family like me very much."

"They don't even like me," he rolls his eyes. "My grandma would like you. She's not like the rest of my family at all. That's probably why my dad sent her away to the nursing home."

Sehun knows it isn't his place to speak on Junmyeon's family, no matter how much more willing he is to talk about it these days, yet, he certainly thinks a lot about it. His thoughts usually wind up to the same conclusion every time: that Junmyeon deserves so much better.

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"It's fine. She can handle herself. She's a tiny old lady but she's really fierce," grins Junmyeon, showing Sehun that he isn't melancholy about the situation at all.

"That must be where you get it from."

"It is." Instead of taking offence, Junmyeon wears this badge with pride. Knowing he turned out more like his grandmother than his parents is probably what he is most proud of. That, despite growing up in that toxic environment, he was still able to be his own person and not become like the people he despises the most.

"Well, if you can't come on Christmas you could always come another time," Sehun says, feeling awkward as soon as the words come out of his mouth. It feels far too intimate inviting Junmyeon to meet his family when they are so beneath the Kim's. Meeting Junmyeon's parents was like meeting celebrities, they were completely detached from reality; whereas the Oh's are just normal, introducing them to Junmyeon feels like introducing a lover. It's very personal to Sehun.

At the same time, he wants nothing more than for Junmyeon to become part of his family.

They love him regardless because of his public image. Yet, when they meet him and get to know who he truly is behind the cameras and pages of a magazine, they will fall in love with him just like Sehun did. It's impossible not to.

"I'd love to." The older man's smile is so wide that his eyes become crescent moons. Sehun's heart skips several beats. He loves seeing him like this. So at ease and comfortable in Sehun's company. In these moments it's hard to remember that their relationship is strictly official, technically they are only boss and employee, nothing more.

But what harm is there in playing pretend every once in a while?

"I'm holding you to it, superstar!" Sehun calls as Junmyeon walks out of the trailer, indicating his break is over.

With a wide smile, Junmyeon spins on his heel and winks at him. "I wouldn't miss it for the world, Sehun!"

***

They meet on the twenty-third of December, the day that filming stops for Christmas break. It's been a long, fraught month, more stressful than any other, but finally, the end is in sight. Now, they have two weeks of free time at their disposal with no idea how to fill in their time other than work. Of course Sehun will still be seeing Junmyeon during this period, though a lot less frequently than he would do if they were at work. His boss is so in demand by family and friends that it's hard to find a day where their schedules are both free to spend time together. Truthfully, Sehun would skip the Christmas break completely if it meant he got to see Junmyeon every day as normal.

Sehun goes home to shower and change before he is due to meet Junmyeon at their destination; a rooftop cafe in the city with one of the best views of the skyline imaginable. Junmyeon knows it's no upscale bar with Michelin star food, he also knows Sehun isn't impressed by grand gestures like this. It's a place tucked away in the concrete jungle where they can enjoy themselves freely, that's the main thing for both of them.

"Are you going on a date?" Jongin asks nosily, leaning in Sehun's doorway as he watches his roommate adjust his pea coat.

"Obviously not," the younger man grumbles. "We're just exchanging gifts."

Jongin's eyebrows shoot up his forehead. "Oh? Couldn't you have done that at work?"

"Not with everyone watching."

The older boy suppresses his knowing smile. Sehun may be being deliberately dense about this, but Jongin can see right through it. What a romantic gesture for Junmyeon to suggest. He wonders if tonight, two days before Christmas, is when Junmyeon will finally confess; like something out of a Hallmark movie. Sehun certainly looks the part of the harrassed love interest, whose life has taken a turbulent spiral ever since meeting him. Jongin's inner romantic is squealing with joy. He has a good feeling about the outcome of tonight.

"What did you get him for Christmas?"

"Just stuff he asked for," Sehun says vaguely. "It's nothing much."

Jongin tries to peer in Sehun's bag which is sat on the bed but his best friend irritably slaps his hand away with his signature scowl.

"Touchy," he smirks. "Okay, I won't pry. Have fun."

When he saunters out of the room, Sehun sighs and slumps down on the side of his bed with his head in his hands. Has he really made the right call with Junmyeon's present? It's not that his boss is materialistic, as such, he's simply used to the finer things in life since he has the money to afford whatever his heart desires; will Sehun's heartfelt gift go completely over his head? Will it be worthless because there's not a designer labelled attached to it? At times like this, Sehun remembers that he simultaneously knows everything and nothing about his boss.

Before he can overthink it any further, his phone lights up with a text from Junmyeon telling him that he's setting off soon, which means Sehun should follow. He's never been to this particular cafe before, though Junmyeon has given him detailed instructions on how to get there, plus his GPS is very handy too. He supposes all he can do is get it out of the way before it tortures him any more.

It's only Junmyeon, he tries to rationalise. I know him better than anyone. Whatever I get him he'll be appreciative of. I'm sure.

So why doesn't he feel assured?

Sehun can't remember the last time he was this nervous at the prospect of being around Junmyeon. Over the past few months he has become so accustomed to his presence that it no longer affects him; he has seen every side of Junmyeon, knows him like the back of his hand, they have become extensions of one another in such a short space of time. Yet, this is territory Sehun has never approached; never quite bared his heart nor his affections for Junmyeon like this before.

Does his gift have more significance than he originally anticipated? Has Sehun unknowingly hand-crafted the only way he dares to confess to Junmyeon? Is this his way of telling Junmyeon how he feels without having to admit it aloud in case of rejection?

To his horror, he realises that this is exactly what he has done.

That he hopes Junmyeon will see how much love and dedication has gone into his gift, then the pieces of the puzzle in his mind will suddenly connect; that he will sweep Sehun off his feet with a kiss and his own admittance that he feels the same way. Like a real Christmas miracle.

Yeah, right.

When he pulls into the underground parking lot, Sehun's hands are shaking uncontrollably. He doesn't even plan on confessing to Junmyeon, so why is he suddenly so terrified? Nothing has nor will anything change between them after tonight, he's accepted this; so why does he feel like he's teetering on the edge of a precipice, ready to fall at any moment?

Junmyeon's Audi is already parked up, indicating he's inside already. Sehun actually set off early to be the first one here, which means Junmyeon must've had the same thought process. Admittedly, this slightly helps Sehun's nerves. Junmyeon is eager to see him, that's always a good sign. A reminder that things haven't gone wrong yet, that he should try to loosen up and not expect the worst to happen. Junmyeon is sincere and considerate, he wouldn't deliberately set out to hurt Sehun; he hasn't done that in a long time.

Sehun has to make use of his fidgeting hands and shove them deep into his pockets whilst he waits for the elevator, breathing deeply through his nose. Once he actually comes face to face with Junmyeon he'll calm down, it's just the prospect of seeing him that's driving him crazy. Maybe because all of this feels strangely like a date. Ever since Kenting, there has been the slightest of shifts between their dynamics. Sehun knows he revealed too much to him that night on the beach (his words echo in his mind every night and haunt him, cringing at how he beared himself to Junmyeon like that) and Junmyeon didn't reveal enough, making all of this seem pointless and one-sided.

Sehun has always known it was, but, still.

The server greets him at the door, asking whether he has a table booked. He gives his name, since they can't use Junmyeon's for obvious reasons, and the girl leads him through the quaint, warm cafe and through the French glass doors onto the balcony. Immediately, Sehun realises him and Junmyeon are the only ones seated outside; everyone else is seeking out the warmth provided indoors, whereas these two need more privacy.

"Sehun!" Junmyeon exclaims happily, standing up when he realises the younger man has finally arrived. He's dressed in a long, checkered peacoat, jeans, a white shirt and Sehun's heart lurches when he takes in the beret and wire glasses on his face. The white face mask obscures most of his features, only someone who spends so much time studying his eyes would realise who it was- like Sehun.

"The beret is new," is all Sehun can say dumbly, his heartbeat picking up. Has he always looked this handsome with his hair pushed back off of his forehead? Come to think of it, Sehun has never seen it styled like this. That must explain the sudden weakness in his knees.

Junmyeon frowns. "You don't like it?"

"N-no, I do," he assures him. "Just... different. And bold, considering you don't want to be recognised."

This seems to placate the older man. He smiles and says, "It's a special occasion so I felt like making an effort."

Special occasion? Is he referring to Christmas in general or meeting Sehun?

"I ordered you an iced tea," Junmyeon says. "And cheesecake. That's your usual order, right? I remembered the 'no caffeine after three' rule."

"That's perfect, thanks." Sehun seats himself on the metal chair opposite Junmyeon. He's glad he took the liberty to wrap up warm and layer up, it's freezing outside, made even worse by the height and ferocity of the wind whistling through the patio.

As he looks around, Sehun appreciates how beautiful the location is. The patio has been allowed to grow wild with viny green plants, their green tendrils snaking around the stone ornaments, low wall and even through the cracks in the slabs. It's like a jungle in a concrete jungle. There are various displays of beautifully colourful potted flowers, a fountain in the shape of a cherub gently bubbling in the corner and stone buddhas fixed onto the wall. Sehun had no idea a place like this existed in the city, it's such a small safe haven compared to the chaos on the streets below. Of course Junmyeon picked such a perfect location.

He certainly knows Sehun a lot better than Jaehyun.

"How are you feeling about the holidays?" Sehun asks conversationally while they wait for their food to arrive.

"I've made peace with it," Junmyeon says, sipping his green tea. Sehun has come to learn that he likes drinking it on an evening to unwind, with a splash of honey and a small tablespoon of sugar. It's the bare minimum his regimented diet will allow. "It's only one day. Besides, it'll be nice to see my grandmother again."

"Have you talked to your family since Chuseok?"

"A brief phone call with my mom when she asked whether I was coming home for Christmas," he says wryly. "Other than that, no. That's not usual, though. I speak to my dad about three times a year and Eunsang only when he wants something. What about you? Do you speak to your brother often?"

Sehun nods. "I do. We're about as close as a gay brother and a straight brother can be."

"Is it... awkward?"

"Nah. He's understanding about it in a totally hyper-masculine way, which is better than him hating me for it, I guess. Once he stops hedging around me and relaxes a bit we're fine. I think he's terrified he'll say something to offend me no matter how much I tell him to loosen up."

"It's nice he's so considerate about it."

"You're right."

Silence settles over them, punctuated by the whistling wind and distant rumble of traffic below. The sky is dark already, the horizon is lit up with skyscrapers, towers and buildings of every kind; casting a turquoise, orange and lilac hue as far as the eye can see. It reminds Sehun of an urban aurora borealis. While the night sky in Kenting was untouched and perfect, this scene has its own strange beauty too. One Sehun thought he would never grow to love.

His mind has been changed about a lot of things this year.

"It really is beautiful up here," he remarks, unable to tear his eyes away.

"Isn't it just? Sooyoung and I used to come here when we were in college, I can't even remember how we found it. I think it's my favourite place in the city. Not many people know about it, so it's never too busy; it's a good place to come and relax, to sort your thoughts out."

Sehun turns to him inquisitively. "What thoughts do you need to sort out?"

"Not now," Junmyeon rolls his eyes, yet he can't quite meet the younger man's gaze. "You're so nosy, Sehun."

"And you're so cryptic," he shoots back.

"Don't be a grump, Sehun, it's Christmas," smiles Junmyeon, seemingly unaffected by Sehun's waspiness. The younger man sighs, falling back into his chair and letting his shoulders relax. Junmyeon is right. Things have been going well between them lately and he doesn't want to ruin them with his sharp tongue. Especially not over Christmas, his favourite holiday of the year.

Their food comes moments later. Of course Junmyeon has not just ordered one thing, he's ordered practically everything sweet that the menu had to offer. When Sehun questions him about his diet, surprised by his decision, he simply shrugs and says, "It's Christmas." Sehun likes this carefree side to him, questioning it no further.

"This is actually really good," Sehun announces around a mouthful of ice cream mochi.

"Of course it is," the older man says smugly. "I wouldn't not take you anywhere nice, would I?"

"Is this my Christmas present?"

Instanously, Junmyeon's face lights up. "It's not, I got you something way better. When do you want it? Now?" His excitement is contagious, practically vibrating with anticipation. Whereas Sehun is on the opposite end of the spectrum, shaking with nerves instead. Things have been going well so far, will that all be ruined when Sehun hands over his gift?

"Maybe later," he mumbles. "I'm not finished yet."

"But I want to give you it now," he whines.

"Don't you think you've given me quite enough this year?"

Junmyeon cocks his head, looking puzzled. "No? What makes you say that?"

"The phone, the designer clothes, all the times you've taken me out," Sehun expresses. "You've spent enough money on me. I hope you haven't gone overboard, you know it isn't about the money for me."

"Do you ever consider that I want to do it because I enjoy treating my friends? You work hard and do everything for me, maybe I like showing my appreciation that way."

Sehun refuses to let himself get flustered. He pulls his scarf higher up his neck, obscuring his cheeks. "You could just get me a gift card or something," he mumbles, making Junmyeon throw his head back and laugh.

"You couldn't have told me that before I got your gift?"

"You mean your personal shopper got me it."

"No, actually," Junmyeon puffs his chest out proudly. "I got it myself. That's how important it was to me."

Sehun's heart sinks right to the ground floor of the building. Why did I ever think giving him a handmade gift was a good idea?

"I'm honoured," is all the younger man can think to say. Even the sarcasm receptors in his brain have lost the ability to function. He just wants to get this over with.

They quickly finish their food, Junmyeon obviously unable to contain himself much longer. After the waitress clears their table and they ask for the bill, Junmyeon reaches into his bag and pulls out the (professionally) wrapped gift. Surprisingly, it's a small and unassuming box. Sehun eyes it warily, as if it's a bomb about to detonate. Junmyeon finds his skepticism amusing, shoving it into his hands with a wide grin that shows off all of his pearly teeth.

"Open it!" He urges.

Gently, Sehun tugs on the purple bow to unravel it. He's hyper aware of Junmyeon's burning gaze on him, eagerly awaiting the verdict of this much awaited gift. However, Sehun is prolonging his own exchange for as long as possible. Junmyeon makes an impatient noise of frustration when Sehun picks up the box and begins examining it closely.

"What kind of person doesn't want to open their present straightaway?"

"Alright, alright!" Sehun snaps. With a swift motion, he tears a large portion of wrapping paper away to reveal a white box. That's the only thing that's apparent about the present. Instantaneously, he guesses its jewellery. What else would be in such a small box? As to what the exact piece is, is yet to be revealed. Surely Junmyeon wouldn't get him something sentimental like a ring?

Within moments, Sehun has shed the remainder of paper and is staring in a mixture of horror and bemusement at the logo on the front of the box. He's never seen one in real life, not even working with Junmyeon. It is a brand he never thought his humble eyes would ever lay on, let alone hold it in his hands; palpable and very real.

"Open it before you look like you want to strangle me."

Sehun cautiously places the box on the table, terrified it will slip out of his grasp otherwise. Prising the lid off, a gasp is torn out of his throat as he stares at the beautiful Omega watch mounted atop a black velveteen stand.

"Well?" Junmyeon asks expectantly, dark eyes bright, begging for praise.

Sehun's throat has swollen closed. Judging by the intricate details of the watch, just from looking at the craftsmanship, he guesses this watch cost more than his student debt. It's even more ludicrous than the other gifts Junmyeon has given him over the course of the last few months. Even looking at the watch causes Sehun physical pain in his chest. How could he afford something like this? More to the point, how could he so easily shell out that amount on Sehun of all people? He's not worthy.

"I can't," he breathes. "This- Junmyeon, it's far too much."

"Don't you like it?"

Sehun's heart dips when he registers the older man's crestfallen expression.

"Of course I like it, it's beautiful and I want to accept it more than anything but I can't. This is a ridiculous amount of money to spend, especially on me."

"You're worth it," replies Junmyeon. "And before you say anything; I know money doesn't mean a thing, I just wanted to. Please take it and don't feel bad."

Of course Sehun is going to feel bad, wouldn't anyone? It's a huge ask to take something like this. Especially when his own efforts look so meagre in comparison.

Junmyeon's present.

He can't give it to Junmyeon now, not when his gift has completely blown it out of the water. It would actually be rude of him to offer up something so cheap in comparison. He didn't spend a penny on Junmyeon's present and emotional labour doesn't compare to the sheer amount of money Junmyeon splashed on Sehun's. Sehun curbs the urge to throw his bag over the side of the building, destroying all the evidence and forgetting he ever went through such a fruitless endeavour.

Him and Junmyeon are just too different characters.

Valiantly, Sehun swallows down the lump in his throat. He's not pleased with what he has to do, but it will be better for their relationship in the long run.

"I-I feel bad I didn't get you anything," he says, managing to not let his voice shake at the barefaced lie. Weeks and weeks of hard work are being wasted. That isn't what it's important at the moment.

"All I got you was a card."

This, he isn't embarrassed about. He hands Junmyeon the card without second thought, hoping it will ease some of the blow, because his boss looks slightly bewildered and mildly hurt. However, he takes the envelope with a brave smile and opens it without a word. His silence unnerves Sehun more than anything.

I've made the right choice, he chants in his mind. He'll have forgotten about it when we go back to work.

How naïve of him to believe that.

Despite the devastation he feels, Junmyeon cannot help but laugh softly at the card. Sehun must have made it online because it's a collage of their best photos taken together over the course of the year, each photo is wrapped in cartoon holly wreaths and the card itself is decorated in cartoon snow.

It's sweet and sentimental, exactly what Junmyeon loves the most. Knowing Sehun put so much thought into something for him makes his heart swell, surpassing whatever hurt he felt only moments previously. It's sickening how one kind gesture from Sehun can change his entire mood, though that is just a testament to how much he cares about him.

The message on the front reads: The best gift this Christmas is easy to see, it's not wrapped in paper under the tree. The best gift this Christmas and all the way through is having someone as special as you.

Upon opening the card, Junmyeon's heart hammers so wildly in his ribs that he's terrified it will explode out of his chest.

Dear Junmyeon,

Merry Christmas !

Thank you for the best year of my life, it's been the greatest gift of all

Yours always,

Sehun

P.S. Sorry if the message is too much, but I know you like cringey :P

"Thank you," the older man says quietly, blaming the stinging wind for the tears welling in his eyes. "This means so much to me. Thank you, Sehun."

Sehun smiles awkwardly, it feels foreign on his face during the current moment. "You're welcome." Both of them know it's not okay, but Junmyeon has been placated for now. The hurt will rear its ugly head much later when he is alone in bed, holding back tears and wondering what he did so wrong.

Junmyeon casts his eyes downward to the ground, not wanting Sehun to see the sudden glossiness in his eyes. He refuses to cry; not in public and not in front of Sehun. Something bright garners his attention. Upon further investigation, he notices it's in Sehun's bag. From here, it looks like the corner of something wrapped in red paper. A gift?

He's unable to bite his tongue. "What's that?"

Glancing down, Sehun recoils once he realises what Junmyeon is staring at. Shit. He didn't think to shove the present down into the darkest recesses of his bag. He could have even done it discreetly a few moments ago, too wrapped up in his own guilt to think straight. How is he meant to worm his way out of this one?

"It's Jongin's present," he blurts.

Junmyeon smiles, his falter almost imperceptible to people who wouldn't know to look. Sehun is not one of these people.

"I hope he likes it."

"Yeah," Sehun echoes. "I hope he does too."

Notes:

maybe i lied in the last chapter 😨

Chapter 28: Chapter Twenty-Eight

Sehun stares longingly out of the window, the side of his head pressed against the cool glass as his breath fogs it up every few seconds, staring out into the garden. It began snowing an hour ago and he has been watching it ever since the first few flakes fell. Not that there is anything else to do while he waits for his mother and grandmother's to finish making dinner. The presents have all been opened (he did very well this year, mainly receiving items of clothing and household appliances for the apartment which he has been meaning to buy but always ended up forgetting) he's greeted all the family members who have arrived, he's made small talk with all his relatives and now they've left him alone to sulk. 

He misses Junmyeon. 

They've hardly spoken since the other night, exchanging the briefest of 'Merry Christmas' texts this morning and wishing each other a good day; other than that, Sehun has been on the receiving end of Junmyeon's radio silence. And it hurts. Probably more than any other quarrel they've ever had. Because this time, Sehun is, without a doubt, utterly in the wrong. There's no wiggle room, he's brought this all on himself. Unlike in the past, this time, he doesn't blame Junmyeon for giving him the cold shoulder. If the roles were reversed, he would be doing the same too. 

Sehun sighs for perhaps the twentieth time in an hour, closing his eyes as he tries to collect his thoughts. He only has to put on a brave face for a few more hours and then he can return home to the isolation of his apartment, where he can drop the facade and wallow in his own self pity. He's still undecided about whether to call Junmyeon later in the evening. It's probably not the wisest idea. He'll be with his family and Sehun doesn't want to intereven, especially not where his grandmother is concerned. Sehun isn't that selfish that he'd ruin their time together. 

As soon as he deemed fit, Sehun slipped away from his own family's festivities and took himself into the back room of the house, settling on the large window seat and looking outside. It's too painful to go on his phone, because every few seconds his eyes will drift to the notification bar, praying that a text from Junmyeon will come through. It doesn't. Facing the silence is almost as awful as avoiding it; so Sehun opts for the latter option. He tries to curb his optimism that when he next checks his phone, there will be some kind of communication waiting for him; he's been doing this all morning to no avail. Each time he sees the blank screen it breaks his heart just that bit more. 

At least it's snowing. Surprisingly, it's the first snowfall of the year and it happens to be on Christmas Day which is even more exciting. This should be enough to lift his spirits. However, as always, the only thing that occupies his mind is Junmyeon. 

He realised a few hours ago that this feels disturbingly like a breakup. That there is a slight possibility he may never hear from Junmyeon again. That this, of all the rifts that have occurred between them, could be Junmyeon's breaking point. 

Sehun doesn't exactly blame him. Everyone reaches their limit eventually. Maybe it would be a good learning curve for him; to appreciate what you have while you still have it, and learn to vocalise your emotions while you still have the chance. 

"Sehun?" His mom calls. "Where are you?" 

"In here.”

Within seconds, the door opens and blows in a burst of heat. The back room of the house isn't used in winter on account of the fact the large windows create a sub-Arctic temperature. The Oh's use it only in spring and the height of summer. Which is why it is the perfect hidey hole.

"What are you doing in here?" Hanuel demands, wrapping her arms around herself. "It's freezing!"

"I'm watching the snow." Not exactly a lie. His mother has been bustling around the house in such a frenzy all morning that she hasn't noticed her son's low mood, so Sehun doesn't have to explain himself. 

"Why don't you go out and see Yeona?" She suggests. 

His small cousin has been making a snowman in the garden the whole time, struggling by herself. She's the only child at the house so she must be feeling lonely. It never even occurred to Sehun to go out and help her. Selfishly, he was too absorbed in his own misery to spare her a thought. 

With a weary sigh, he rises to his feet and stretches out his limbs which have become cramped and sore with the cold. Looking down at his hands, he sees the tips of his fingers have turned blue. Hanuel notices but doesn't say a word. 

Sehun grabs his coat and heads outside to where the small girl is struggling, grunting in exertion as she tries to compact the snow in her mittens. Her face is puckered tight in concentration, tongue poking out the corner of her mouth. 

"That probably isn't going to work," he informs her. "The snow is too fresh and powdery to make a snowman."

She narrows her eyes like she doesn't believe him. "How do you know?" 

"Because I'm an adult."

"That's probably the only thing you know."

Sehun rolls his eyes. He's never been good with kids, especially smart-mouth ones like his cousin. He has a bad habit of talking to them like adults when that's the entirely wrong approach. It boosts their ego and makes them even more unbearable, hence Yeona's attitude towards him. 

"Why are you even out here?" 

"Because I saw you struggling and as your responsible older cousin I couldn't let you continue in good conscience." 

"I saw you sulking in the window and then your mom came in to tell you to get a grip and hang out with me. Right?" 

Sehun presses his lips in a thin line. Yeona rolls her eyes and she looks so much like their grandmother it's disturbing. 

"I wasn't sulking," Sehun corrects. 

"Yeah you were. You were looking out of the window like you were in a drama." Yeona pulls a moony face in an (annoyingly accurate) imitation of Sehun, somehow managing to depict his yearning countenance. He must not have seen her watching him too. "Is it about your boyfriend?" 

"My what?" 

"Your boyfriend," she repeats, smacking snow into her palm and groaning when it crumbles. "Kim Junmyeon. He stood you up." 

"He didn't- he's seeing his family today so he couldn't come. How do you even know all of this?"

"I heard your mom telling my mom about it," she shrugs. 

Sehun pinches the bridge of his nose. "He's not my boyfriend. He's just a friend."

"But you like him," Yeona presses. "Which is why you looked like you were waiting for him to return from war." 

Are all kids this unbearable? Or do I just have the misfortune of being related to the most annoying one in the universe?

"How do you even know about all this stuff? You're, like, eight."

"Sometimes Mom forgets to switch off the cable so I can watch grown up dramas," she shrugs. "Don't tell her I do that though," she adds quickly. 

"You shouldn't pry in an adult's business anyway. It's rude." 

"I'm naturally inquisitive. I'm a child," she says smugly, sounding beyond her years. "Your mom said you were the same when you were a kid, so you're a hypocrite if you tell me to stop." 

Sehun represses the urge to stuff powdery snow down the back of her coat. 

"So you like this guy, yes? Which is why you're sad he couldn't make it. And you miss him." 

"That..." Actually sums it up perfectly. "You're a real know-it-all."

She grins toothily. "I'm not at the top of my class for no reason. Let me guess, he doesn't know how you feel?" 

"If you tell your mom about this then I'm going to be so mad, Yeona."

"I swear I won't!" She sulks.

"Fine. No, he doesn't know how I feel and he never will because I don't think he feels the same. And don't ask how I know because I just do." 

"That's stupid," Yeona spits. "Adults are supposed to be smart so what happened to you? How do you know if you've never talked about it?"

"You are a child, you don't understand these kinds of things."

"Yet you're still talking to me about it 'cause you're at the end of your tether. You're getting desperate because you like him so much. But you wouldn't like him this much if there wasn't a reason for it, which means he must like you back otherwise you wouldn't have fallen for him." 

Sehun blinks, utterly baffled. "What kind of logic is that?" 

 "Very sensible logic," she crosses her arms haughtily. "Tell him how you feel. It's Christmas! Miracles always happen on Christmas." 

"We haven't really been talking lately." Sehun rubs the back of his neck. "Which is all my fault."

"Apologise and tell him how you feel. And don't say it isn't that simple because it is. I told my boyfriend I liked him, he liked me back and now we're a couple."

"You're eight!" Sehun chokes.

"And I still have more guts than you." 

He sighs. It's not like the kid is wrong. 

***

Forty minutes away, on the outskirts of the city, Junmyeon's Christmas is going very similarly. 

He arrives at his family home early in the morning; armed with false smiles and impersonal presents that his personal shopper bought to save him putting even an ounce of effort in. The only gifts he purchased himself were for his grandmother, truth be told he doesn't even know half of the things he's supposedly gotten for his family- he just gave Yoorim his black card and told her to go wild. And judging by the sheer amount of boxes he has to lug from his car, she certainly did.

He goes through the ritual of cheek kisses with his mother, hand shakes from his father and shoulder slaps with Eungsang, his smile may be light and airy but Junmyeon's eyes are dark and burdened. His family don't care about him enough to notice the purple blemishes under his eyes, his pasty skin and brittle hair; all indications that something has happened to him recently that has turned his world on an axis. They dive into the presents and that's all they have the capacity to care about. So materialistic and shallow. Junmyeon watches them with his lip curled up in disgust, sitting on the couch and wishing he'd spent Christmas with Sooyoung and her family instead. 

"A Hermès bag!" Minji cooed, holding the dust protected bag to her chest. "Thank you, darling!"

Jaesuk moved his glasses down his nose. "Yes, just like the one I bought you last year." 

After that, Junmyeon knew there was no longer a point in making an effort for them.

Jaesuk collects his mother from the retirement home around noon while Minji, Eungsang and Eungsang's now fiancé (he proposed this morning, the tackiness makes Junmyeon want to gag) settle in the living room with a bottle of champagne while the staff prepare their dinner. Junmyeon floats around the house like a ghost, feeling utterly out of place and unable to settle. The dissociation with his family has never been this intense before, the feeling of looking at the people he shares a bloodline with and not recognising them at all, of realising he would rather be anywhere in the world but under this roof with them. 

Junmyeon has never had the nerve to cut them off completely, but now he's wondering if it's due time. What do they provide for him that he can't give himself? Financial support is no longer required, emotional support is nonexistent; what does he really need them for other than to show face? 

Perhaps he will make some reevaluations to his life in the new year. Dispose of everything that no longer brings him joy.

If he thinks about it, the only thing that really brings him any happiness these days is Sehun. Even work and his career seem miniscule in comparison to the absolute contentment he feels in the younger man's company. When he's with Sehun, everything in his life, even the urgent and pressing matters, just fade into the background and he's allowed time to just feel. To be a real person with human emotions and wants and desires, not just the name of a brand or a face on the screen. Being with Sehun makes him realise that all these years he has just been coasting along in apathy, he hasn't been truly happy. 

He is now, despite how much the younger man has hurt him. 

Junmyeon isn't materialistic in the slightest, despite Sehun's frequent taunts about it; he doesn't care that Sehun didn't get him a present, truly, the issue is that Sehun didn't even deem him worthy. The card was a nice touch and has melted the frosty layer around Junmyeon's heart (not that he could ever stay cold with Sehun for long) yet it still hurts. That Junmyeon thought all this time he was high on the list of Sehun's priorities only for the reality to smack him in the face like this, reminding him that, once again, he is insignificant in the lives of the people he cares the most about. 

He tries his hardest not to dwell on it, though trapped in such a toxic environment with his parents, it's difficult not letting his mind wander to dark places. 

When his grandmother arrives, his mood is instantly lifted. He hasn't seen her in so long and is so relieved to finally hold her again that it's very hard to choke his tears back, clinging onto her like she's the only anchor in the current storm he is wearing through. She holds him just as tight, as if she understands what turmoil he's going through without even having to say a word. She need only look into his eyes to see the sadness set behind them that everyone else has missed so far. 

Once she has opened her small pile of presents under the tree, Junmyeon escorts her to the music room on the second floor. When she used to babysit him, they'd spend a lot of time in here together; so it's only natural they gravitate there whenever she is in the house. It was like Junmyeon's safe haven, one of the only rooms in the house he has happy memories of. 

They sit down at the piano, Junmyeon's fingers immediately hover over the keys as he looks at his grandmother expectantly.

"Play me something," she requests. 

So he does. He starts out by playing the first song he ever learned on the piano, the one his grandfather taught him before his passing, which never fails to put a smile on Gyunghui's face. The second song is her favourite ballad that he learned to play specially for her, singing along as well. And the third, final song is Junmyeon's favourite ballad; the one he always sings for auditions, he reckons it brings him luck. 

"You have such a beautiful voice," she compliments, wistfully. "Do you still sing?"

Junmyeon shrugs. "Sometimes. Not very often, though. I get more acting roles now as opposed to theatre roles." 

"It's a shame. You have a beautiful voice. You could've made it as an idol."

He sighs heavily. "I guess we'll never know." 

Gyunghui tilts her head in consideration, taking in his side profile. Suddenly, he feels as small and insignificant as a speck of dust under her eagle-like gaze. She'll know what's wrong with him in mere moments, she reads him like he's clairvoyant. He has been told many times by Sehun that he is. Wearing his heart on his sleeve while simultaneously hiding himself away is an art he has perfected over the years.

"There's something bothering you. What is it?" 

"I don't even know where to start."

"Work? Your family? Friends?"

"All of the above," he says bitterly. "Work is stressful, my family is emotionally unavailable- both of those things are nothing new and can't be changed. Friends, however..." 

"It's not Kyungsoo, is it? I do like him so much..."

"No," he chuckles. "Kyungsoo is great. It's... well... it's not really friendship. It's more complicated."

"Ah," Gyunghui nods understandingly. "A boyfriend."

Gyunghui was one of the first people Junmyeon told about his sexuality, trusting her above nearly everyone else. He'd grown up telling her every single secret of his, she knew more about him than Junmyeon knew about himself, it was only natural to want to share this too. Unlike the rest of his family, Junmyeon knew she loved him too much to ever judge him for it; she was the only person who truly knew who he was and loved him regardless. The same couldn't be said for his parents. At first there had been an unshakeable fear that she would accidentally tell his family, slipping out carelessly in conversation, but she remained completely tight-lipped about it and only ever asked questions like this when it was just the two of them alone- when his parents couldn't intervene and pressure him. For someone so reluctant to come to terms with his sexuality, Junmyeon finds it surprisingly easy to talk to Gyunghui about it. 

"He's not a boyfriend," admits Junmyeon, feeling childish even admitting it aloud. "He's my personal assistant."

Gyunghui's face falls, obviously not expecting this. The irony isn't lost on Junmyeon. He certainly wasn't anticipating falling for Sehun either. 

"Mixing work and pleasure is a bad idea," she says warningly, as if he hasn't already thought of this thousands of times before. 

"I know," he groans, rubbing a hand over his face. "I couldn't help it. He's so... I don't know. Different? I can't explain why I like him so much, I just do. From day one, he treated me like a real person and not a celebrity; he always kept me in line and told me straight, which I appreciated more than anything. He's so unashamed of who he is and self-assured, I admire him so much. He drives me crazy; he's unbelievably sarcastic and witty and sometimes it annoys me more than anything in the world but at the same time it's probably my favourite thing about him. And he's so handsome. Devastatingly so. He looks like a prince with this cold, deadly aura yet he's such an idiot underneath it all. His laugh is probably the most annoying thing I've ever heard, but I try my hardest to be funny because I like seeing him so happy. I really don't think I've ever felt like this about anyone before," he finishes with a mumble, burning red hot all over that he's just revealed something so personal- to his grandmother of all people. It's the type of disgustingly gushy nonsense you would unload on a friend. 

"It sounds like you really love him."

"Love?" Junmyeon chokes. "No! Nothing that serious! We're not- I can't love him." He hasn't even known Sehun for a year, they haven't done anything other than hug. Surely you can't love someone for their personality and being in their proximity alone? 

If he really considers it, could there be a possibility of something this terrifying? Has Junmyeon just been suppressing this revelation in hope it would dissipate and never rear its ugly, complicated head ever again. 

Absolutely not. This isn't something he can bear to think about right now. 

"Well, it sounds like you're smitten then," Gyunghui says, smirking knowingly. Junmyeon doesn't like the gleam in her eye at all. "Do you have a photo of him?"

Of course Junmyeon has photos of him. In the end, after scrolling through his whole camera roll (the majority of it is taken up by Sehun, candids of him that he had no idea were being taken) Junmyeon settles on the selfie they took at the aquarium in front of the stingray. It encapsulates all of Sehun's beautiful features and his radiant smile just perfectly. So picturesque it looks like somebody painted him. 

"My, he is handsome," Gyunghui breathes. "I can see why you like him so much."

"The annoying thing is that his looks aren't even the best part," sighs Junmyeon. "I like every single part of him, even the ugly bits I shouldn't like." 

Holy shit, does that sound a little bit too much like love?

No. No way. 

"Does he know any of this?" 

"Of course not!" Junmyeon seems abhorred by the mere suggestion. "And scare him away? No thanks. I'd rather never tell him how I feel rather than face the possibility of losing him." 

"So you're content in living your life in misery when you've been presented with the opportunity of happiness?" Gyunghui demands, sounding crosser than Junmyeon has ever heard. Instinctively, he shrinks in on himself. "Don't you think you deserve this, Junmyeon?" 

"I-I don't know." 

"Do you think he feels the same?" 

"It's impossible to say."

Gyunghui raises a thin eyebrow. "I don't think it is. You know how he feels deep down, you're just scared because you still haven't fully accepted yourself yet."

Junmyeon's jaw drops open at the accuracy of his statement. He really needs to stop second guessing her ability to read his mind. She's right, of course. How could Junmyeon accept Sehun into his life when he can't even accept himself most of the time? Sehun can't magically change him, the psychological prison he's trapped in is far too complex that being with Sehun could cure him. 

Then again, he's never given anyone the opportunity to try to help him. 

"I can't be what he needs."

"How about you let him decide that?" She takes his hand in her own gnarled one. "Junmyeon, I've seen you unhappy nearly all of your life and it breaks my heart. Knowing there was nothing I could do to help you will haunt me for the rest of my life, but now you have the opportunity to help yourself. You're twenty-eight, you've suffered enough; take this opportunity while you can. You'll never know unless you try."

Junmyeon's gaze drops down to the piano keys in front of him, the tears in his eyes blur it all into a blinding white haze. 

"I feel like I shouldn't be allowed happiness," he whispers, the burden so crushing on his chest that it's hard to even breathe. "Because of who I am."

"That's bullshit," his grandmother spits ferociously. "If anyone deserves it, it's you. You've suffered enough. Let yourself be selfish for once. You'll never have a better opportunity than now. Because in the blink of an eye, the love of your life can be gone."

Junmyeon looks up to see a solitary tear rolling down her wrinkled cheek. Gently, he uses the cuff of his sweater to wipe it away. With a watery smile, she holds his hand there for a few moments. 

"I don't ask a lot of you, Junmyeon," she says softly. "But I'm asking that you do this. I want to see you happy, while I'm still here to experience it." 

The myriad of tears in Junmyeon's throat is so large that it prevents him speaking. Silently, he nods and curves the corners of his lips into the smallest smile. 

He'll do it. 

***

Sehun flops down onto the sofa with an exaggerated sigh, stretching his socked feet and placing them atop the coffee table. The only time he can make such a risky move is when he's home alone, Jongin seems to have built-in sensor that goes off every time Sehun even so much thinks about it, appearing seconds later to slap his feet away irritably whilst giving a tirade about cleanliness and upholding standards. 

Jongin isn't present in the apartment yet. He's due back with Kyungsoo, Baekhyun and Chanyeol within the next hour, where they will spend the remainder of Christmas together getting drunk. This is perhaps Sehun's favourite part of the holiday. He managed to survive a whole day with his family and his reward is getting paralytically drunk. He just hopes he can forget about Junmyeon while he's at it. He makes a mental note to give Kyungsoo his phone so he doesn't try to do something foolish like drunk call Junmyeon in a flurry of tears and beg for forgiveness. 

Closing his eyes, Sehun tilts his head back against the top of the sofa and breathes methodically through his nose. He might have time for a nap if he's quick about falling asleep. Yet, with how much his mind is racing, he doubts it'll be that easy to switch off. For the past couple of nights he's found it difficult switching off to sleep, his thoughts too rampant to relax. Perhaps getting drunk and passing out will be his only means of getting a decent night's sleep. 

Deep down he knows this will only be resolved by talking to Junmyeon, but the prolonged silence between them today has shaken any traces of confidence he had about reaching out to him tonight. Now, he can hardly believe he even considered something so foolish. Sehun has completely lost his nerve and is unashamed in admitting it. His cowardice seems not to matter with the excuse that he likes Junmyeon that much. Honestly, Sehun is just proud of himself for even acknowledging it so easily. 

His eyes have been closed for less than ten minutes when a loud knocking interrupts the fragile serenity he has built around himself. Cracking one eye open, he scowls at the front door and hopes whoever is knocking disappears as quickly as they arrived. Several moments later, a second round of knocking occurs. With an aggravated sigh this time, Sehun heaves himself off the couch and storms to the door, muttering under his breath. 

Swinging the door open, a venomous quip poised on the tip of his tongue, the air is sucked out of his lungs when he is stood face to face with Junmyeon. 

"Hi," the older man says sheepishly. "Is this a bad time?"

Sehun shakes his head wordlessly, his brain unable to connect with his mouth. Stepping aside, he sweeps his hand to motion for Junmyeon to come forth. His boss nods in thanks, slipping his shoes off and closing the door gently behind him. Unfortunately for Junmyeon, he takes Sehun's silence as frostiness and not panic. 

"Are you sure I'm okay to come in? I-I can leave-"

"I don't want you to."

Junmyeon swallows, meeting Sehun's hard but earnest gaze. He follows the younger man into the lounge where Sehun indicates for him to sit down. 

"Would you like something to drink? Tea? Alcohol?"

"Ah, I'd better not."

"You look cold and it's been snowing." Sehun points to the flakes on Junmyeon's shoulders. He fails to mention the older man's adorable rosy cheeks and red nose. "Let me make you tea."

Without further ado, Sehun disappears into the kitchen leaving Junmyeon awkwardly floundering on the couch. While he waits for his assistant to return, he anxiously picks the hem of his coat, trying to breathe around his heart leaping in his throat. Now he's in Sehun's proximity, everything he planned to say on the drive over has completely left his mind along with every last ounce of his nerve. He had so many things he needed to tell him, executing a flawless speech; here, in reality, on the receiving end of Sehun's iciness, he wants nothing more than to run away with his tail between his legs. 

Clenching his fists on his thighs, Junmyeon summons every last ounce of nerve he possesses. He's never been so terrified in his life, never has he cared so much about the outcome of his actions. Never has he wanted something so badly. 

Sehun returns with a singular cup of tea, placing it down on the coffee table without saying a word. Junmyeon murmurs a thanks, taking a sip even though it scalds the tip of his tongue. He represses a wince of pain. 

"So," Sehun says, tapping his fingers nervously against his knees. "I'm not sure what you came here for, before you say anything I have something to tell you. I'm... sorry."

"For what?" Junmyeon's eyebrows furrow in confusion. 

"The other day," he confesses. "About your present. It's-"

"Sehun, I don't care about that." His voice bleeds sincerity, doe eyes the picture of innocence. 

"But we haven't spoken," Sehun reminds him, utterly confused. "I thought-"

"Sehun," Junmyeon sighs. He sounds so tired that it makes Sehun's stomach swoop uncomfortably, already knowing he isn't going to like what's going next. "It wasn't because of something as petty as a Christmas present. There's been a lot on my mind lately that I haven't told you about. It's because of that."

Sehun swallows roughly, Adam's apple bobbing in his throat. "You don't have to tell me but you can always talk to me if you need to."

Junmyeon inhales deeply, closing his eyes as if steeling himself. Sehun feels so nauseous with fear that his vision starts greying out. He grips onto the side of the couch to keep himself attached to this mortal realm, fingertips harshly digging into the material. 

"I do need to talk to you about it, because it involves you."

Sehun really doesn't like the sound of this. 

"I think you know."

"I...I really don't," the younger man says, voice high and strung tight with nerves. "Jun, you're killing me here. Just tell me." 

"I'm gay," Junmyeon announces. Echoing silence ensues. All Sehun can hear is the roaring of blood in his ears. His limbs are shaking so violently it feels like his nervous system is about to implode. 

Junmyeon smiles wanly. "Don't look so surprised. I thought you'd already guessed."

Sehun shakes his head vehemently. He licks his lips and swallows in an attempt to moisten his sandpaper throat. 

"No," he croaks. "I didn't. I thought you were straight this whole time. How you responded to the whole Jaehyun thing made me think..." He cuts himself off sharply, having almost said too much. He's just received one life-altering confession, he doesn't want to unload anymore on Junmyeon tonight. Not when they're both feeling so fragile. 

"I assure you, I'm not," Junmyeon laughs shakily. "It's been something I've struggled with ever since I was young. I've never made myself come to terms with it, always beating it down and pushing it away in a corner hoping I'd forget about it. I'm not proud of how I handle it, but I want to change. I want to start being more honest with myself, which means being honest with you." 

This can't be happening, is Sehun's knee jerk reaction. I fell asleep on the couch and I'm dreaming. There was an aphrodisiac in my Coke, now I'm hallucinating. If I reach out to touch him he'll dissolve into goo. 

"Thank you for telling me," the younger man says awkwardly. "I appreciate your honesty."

Junmyeon's eyes slide to slide, like he has more to say but is unwilling to force it out. "That isn't all," he murmurs. 

Sehun's ears perk up. "Huh?" 

"There's something else I've been meaning to tell you for a long time too." Junmyeon swallows so hard that Sehun can hear it. He can see the visible tremor of Junmyeon's hands, they're shaking almost as much as his own. Fear radiates off of the older man in palpable waves, so thick and heavy it feels like roiling heat. Sehun is a little startled by it. What could possibly be more terrifying for him than coming out?

"Whatever you say I'll listen to." 

Junmyeon can barely hear what he says next over the thundering of his heart.

"I like you, Sehun."

It takes a few seconds for this to register, let alone sink in. The contours of Sehun's face slip from blank, to confused, to astonished in a matter of nanoseconds. His whole body stiffens, redness building at the base of his neck. His eyes are wide and dazed, slightly clouded in confusion. 

"I'm sorry if I'm overstepping a boundary," Junmyeon says after more beats of silence. "You can push me away, kick me out or quit if you have to. I just... I couldn't not let you know. It's been eating me alive for months now. Maybe I'm being selfish putting this all on you at once and I really apologise-"

"I like you too."

"I know and I'm so- wait, what?" 

When Junmyeon looks up this time, he sees Sehun is smiling shakily. Like he doesn't quite dare let himself believe this is really happening. 

"I like you too," he admits in a more confident tone. "For quite a few months myself. Funnily enough, it's been eating me alive too." 

Junmyeon just blinks, refusing to believe what he's just heard. 

"You- I- me? How? When-?" 

"You can be quite charming."

This is when Junmyeon knows it will all be okay.

He laughs breathlessly. "Wow. I can't believe this. I-I thought you hated me!"

"Not even close," the younger man says. "Sometimes I like you too much that I don't know what to do with myself. It's very irritating." 

"Ditto me with you," Junmyeon says, adrenaline coursing boiling hot in his veins. "Against my better judgement."

Sehun aims a mock punch at his shoulder, causing Junmyeon to laugh loudly, mostly out of relief. 

"That was the most terrifying thing I've ever had to do," he admits, falling back into the couch. 

Sehun arches an eyebrow. "Did you really think I didn't feel the same?"

"Never in my wildest dreams."

"You must walk around with your eyes closed then." 

"Says you!" Junmyeon cries. Both of them are smiling widely, easily falling back into their usual camaraderie like nothing has changed. This is the most relieving factor of all. How could Junmyeon ever believe things wouldn't work out in the end? Had Sehun rejected his confession, he's almost certain they would have slipped back into this routine eventually. 

Junmyeon's eyes wander skyward to the ceiling, eyes widening when he spots what is stuck onto the plaster. He can hear Sehun's voice in the distance, probably talking about something important, yet he cannot focus. Sehun notices his lack of interest, snapping his fingers in his face and demanding to know what the issue is. 

Lifting a finger, Junmyeon points to the sprig of mistletoe sellotaped onto the ceiling. 

"What the hell?" Sehun gasps. "That wasn't there before! I-I don't know how it got there, I swear! It must've been Jongin. We have friends round later so he probably thought it was funny."

Sehun turns to Junmyeon, flushed bright scarlet with humiliation. "I am so sorry."

"I-it's fine, Sehun," the older man placates, voice cracking. 

The tension between them crackles with electricity, charged with magnetism and want. Sehun's eyes flicker over Junmyeon's side profile which looks very strained, his eyes squeezed shut and mouth pressed in a line. 

"Junmyeon."

The older man's eyes flutter open, inclining his head ever so slightly to look at his face directly. 

"Kiss me." 

Junmyeon's lips fall open in surprise at the bold request, heart stuttering in his chest. Sehun's eyes are dark and glittering, making him shiver. Isn't this the moment he has been yearning for for so long? What's stopping him?

Leaning forward slightly, Junmyeon's eyes become hooded as Sehun closes what little space there is between them. It takes less than a second for their lips to connect, and when they do it's unlike anything Junmyeon has ever felt before. 

Something explodes in his chest, bold and bright and beautiful, warming his insides like a fire and flooding his body with adrenaline. It feels like a cog shifts and clicks into place in his mind, like there was a missing piece this whole time that has finally found where it needs to fit. His heart beats a wild staccato behind his ribs, his stomach overcome with static. Everything in his mind goes blank, not even able to feel triumphant that this moment has finally arrived. All he can focus on is Sehun's lips, warm and heavy on his own. 

The kiss starts soft and slow, despite all the heat rushing throughout their bodies. Junmyeon tilts his head curiously to deepen the kiss, to which Sehun responds immediately and eagerly. His hands, which were previously laid awkwardly on his legs, find the back of Sehun's head to gently pull him in even closer. He can feel Sehun smiling against his lips and he wonders how Sehun feels internally in this moment. Is his body eagerly alight with thrill too? 

Sehun presses himself completely into Junmyeon's chest, eradicating what space there was left between them. His long arms loop around Junmyeon's neck. When he caresses the top of his spine, Junmyeon shudders uncontrollably. 

Without thinking, he pushes Sehun down to lay on the couch so they are more comfortable. The kiss briefly breaks apart as Sehun falls down, looking up at the older man with blown eyes and swollen lips. There is the slightest rosy tinge on his sharp cheekbones. The way he innocently stares up at Junmyeon makes something squeeze tightly in his stomach, an uncontrollable urge. He latches his lips onto Sehun's again, this time with much more confidence and vigour. With one arm he holds himself up, the other he gently traces down Sehun's sides. The younger man sighs softly at the contact, undulating his hips slightly. 

With slight hesitance, Junmyeon's hands nervously skim over Sehun's hips and dance over the prominent bone. Sehun's thighs tighten on either side of Junmyeon, the fingers on the back of his neck move upwards to run through his hair. 

Junmyeon's hand moves to skate over the lean muscle of Sehun's abdomen, marvelling over his slim, toned stomach and how delicate it feels beneath him. Sehun sucks in a gasp of air when Junmyeon's hand slips under his hoodie. The older man pulls away, puzzled.

"Sorry," he says breathlessly. "Ticklish." 

Junmyeon's hands dart out to begin assaulting the rest of his stomach, causing Sehun to writhe and squeal underneath him, begging for mercy in between huffs of laughter. He tickles him ruthlessly for a few minutes before grinning widely, flopping down heavily on top of Sehun. 

"You're comfy," he remarks, face squashed into Sehun's chest. He can hear his heart beating. 

"You're heavy," Sehun retorts, though he shuffles slightly into a more comfortable position for the both of them. 

"I'm the smallest, though."

"I'm the youngest." The pout in Sehun's tone is evident. 

Junmyeon props himself up slightly so he can look at his face. As anticipated, he is indeed pouting. "Would it be weird if I said you'll always be my baby?"

"Yes," Sehun deadpans, despite flushing with happiness. "Next you'll be asking me to move in with you."

The older man swats him playfully before falling back onto his chest, sighing in contentment. Sehun's arms wrap around him protectively, tracing amorphous shapes onto his back. Junmyeon doesn't think he's ever been so happy in his life. 

"I can't believe you didn't tell me how you felt sooner, you big wuss."

"What?" Junmyeon chokes. "You liked me too!"

Sehun rolls his eyes. "I was unashamedly gay. You on the other hand..."

His hands still on Junmyeon's back as he holds him tighter. "It's okay," he says, much quieter and sincere. "You're here now and that's all that matters."

Junmyeon wouldn't profess himself to be a crybaby, yet Sehun's words do a good job of making him well up. He's glad that his face is obscured and crushed into his chest so that he can't see and tease him. 

"I've been wanting to be able to do this for a long time," he admits, voice coming out muffled. He feels Sehun chuckling beneath him. 

"Me too." Sehun can't believe this is even happening. Only twenty minutes ago was he terrified that Junmyeon would never speak to him again, now here he is in his arms; warm, delicate and real.

"I wish I'd said something sooner." 

"No one wishes that more than me."

Junmyeon lifts his head up. "Haven't you heard of the expression 'good things come to those who wait'?"

"I am not praising you for being a coward."

"You're being way too harsh on me," the older man pouts. "This is equally your doing too."

"I thought you were straight! I felt like such a creep having a crush on you. Every time I dared to even make an advance you'd run away with your tail between your legs."

Guilt grips Junmyeon's insides like a vice. He had been doing that all along, and he knows full well he did too. He's amazed Sehun waited around for as long as he did, a lesser man would have given up and moved on. It must be a testament to just how much he cares about Junmyeon, that he would agonise over him in silence just to stay close. Junmyeon manages to shuffle his arms underneath Sehun to squeeze his torso into a tight hug. His actions mean more than any words he could formulate. Sehun seems to understand because his grip on the smaller man gets slightly tighter in acknowledgement. 

"When did you know?" Sehun asks. 

"I always had a little bit of a crush on you," he admits sheepishly. "That was only skin-deep though. I think... when you gave me those flowers after the musical."

"That long?" Sehun squawks in outrage. "That was six months ago!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" He groans. "I'm a coward- you don't need to remind me!"

"You..." Sehun is at a loss for words. "God!" He exclaims. "It's a good thing I like you so much."

"What about you then?" Demands Junmyeon. 

Sehun tilts his head in consideration. "When we went to dinner after the first day on the My Brother set. You said you hadn't found the right woman and it hurt so much I knew there was something deeper. Obviously I tried to ignore it because how embarrassing is it having a crush on Kim Junmyeon?" He gets nudged in the ribs for this statement. "It kind of snowballed since then. The more you showed your humanity the more I liked you."

Junmyeon rolls his eyes. "I always show my humanity." 

"Hm. Let's not argue after our first kiss." 

"We'll always argue," the older man points out.

Sehun grins. "Yeah, I think we will." His face suddenly changes. "Oh! That reminds me." 

He sits upright, gently sliding Junmyeon off his chest. The older man looks up at him in confusion as he watches Sehun get to his feet, hurrying away into his bedroom. His heart hammers at the implications. Obviously he knows it isn't going to come to... that, yet it's still weird of him to act this way. 

Seconds later, Sehun emerges out of his room with something in his hands. As he steps into the overhead light, Junmyeon realises it's a gift. The same wrapping paper he saw in Sehun's bag the other night.

"Didn't Jongin want it?" He asks wryly.

Sehun frowns. "Stop it. I know I shouldn't have said that and I said I'm sorry."

Junmyeon opens his legs and reaches out to bring Sehun to stand in between them. He wraps his arms around his lower back, looking up at him adoringly, widening his eyes slightly in emphasis. 

"I was joking," he iterates. "And I've already said, I don't care whether you get me anything or not." 

"After how much trauma this present has caused me, you're going to take it." 

Junmyeon accepts it nonetheless, squeezing it experimentally. It feels soft and malleable, he guesses it's some item of clothing. Sehun sits down beside him, watching him expectantly from the corner of his eye. 

With great care, Junmyeon unravels the ribbon and peels away the tape keeping the paper together. There is a glimpse of dark material, though nothing else gives it away. Not until he has shed all the paper and is holding the gift up in his hands does he realise what it is.

"Thank you, Sehun!" He breathes, tilting it so he can admire it from all angles. "It's beautiful! Did you get it specially made? It must have been so expensive, I feel guilty." 

He rubs the back of his neck. "No. I made it, actually." 

Junmyeon halts, staring at the younger man in bewilderment and disbelief. Did he just say he made this scarf? As in, knitted it? Gathered the materials, put them on needles and made it?

"You knit?" He asks in astonishment. 

Sehun looks away with a scowl. "Don't look so surprised." 

"Why is this the most surprising revelation tonight?" Junmyeon teases, nudging him with his knee. When Sehun refuses to look at him, he gently grabs his jaw and turns his head so he has no other choice but to look him straight in the eye. Sehun is so red it looks like his face is about to explode with cartoon steam pouring out of his ears. 

"It's beautiful. I love it," he says quietly, leaning forward to press a sweet kiss on Sehun's lips. It only lasts a few seconds, much less impassioned than the previous one yet it seems to be enough to put the younger man's mind at ease. He relaxes with a sigh, leaning into Junmyeon's side and resting his head on his shoulder. 

"I'm glad you like it. I would've cried if you didn't." 

"I would appreciate anything you got me," the older man reassures him. "It means even more to me that you went out of your way to make me something. I love sentimental gifts. If you didn't already know, I'm a bit of a wuss."

Sehun's own smile mirrors Junmyeon's playful one. He kisses the older man simply because he can. 

"Do you want to stay for a while?" He offers. "Jongin is bringing the usual suspects and we're getting drunk. You're more than welcome to join us." 

"I'd love to but I already promised Sooyoung and Yerim I'd visit them," Junmyeon says, consulting his phone and choking when he realises how late it is. He should've left ten minutes ago. "I'm sorry."

"No, it's okay!" Sehun smiles. He's more than content with the time they've spent together tonight, more than he could ever have dreamt of. "I'm sure they're excited to see you."

"Yerim has been bugging me about her gift since November," sighs Junmyeon. "That's the only reason she's excited."

"What did you get her?" 

"A week travelling Europe for her and Sooyoung in spring."

Sehun emits a low whistle, eyebrows raising right up his forehead. "You certainly got into the spirit of things this year."

Junmyeon hugs into the younger man's side. "Yeah, but this is all I care about. I think this has been the best Christmas ever." 

Sehun wants to make a snarky quip, but he's so elated that he doesn't have the energy. Happiness seeps out of him, leaving him light-headed and warm. 

"It is," he agrees. 

He walks Junmyeon to the door, not quite ready to wave him off but realising it would be wrong of him to beg him to stay; he deserves to see his other friends on Christmas, Yerim deserves to have the plane tickets handed to her directly. Sehun is filled with a weird sort of melancholy, though there's no need to be since he'll be seeing Junmyeon soon. This isn't goodbye, it's the farthest thing from it. 

This is the beginning. 

"Make sure to wrap up," Sehun instructs, handing him his coat. "It's still snowing."

"Will you help me put my scarf on?"

"You are such a sap," scoffs Sehun, glowing with pride. 

Gently, he loops the navy material around Junmyeon's neck so it drapes attractively around his clavicle and frames the bottom of his face. He looks simultaneously sexy and adorable. Unable to help himself, Sehun steals another kiss. Just because he's getting used to the reality that he can do this now. 

Junmyeon's lips pull down at the corners. "Well now I just don't want to go." 

"I'll see you soon."

"Not soon enough." 

"Go, before I start vomiting." 

Junmyeon grins cheesily, blowing a kiss before turning away and walking down the hall. Sehun remains leaning in his doorway watching him leave long after he's disappeared into the elevator. 

Once he's certain Junmyeon has gone, he steps back into the apartment and softly closes the door behind him. He staggers against the wall, burying his head in his hands and smiles so widely that it threatens to split his face in half.

Notes:

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!! 🎉🎉🎄🎁

WE DID IT!!!

i felt soooo bad leaving it on a cliffhanger like that but i’ve had this planned for a couple of months so i knew i needed to stick to it but it’s been HARD

i was worried it felt a bit rushed before i remembered we are literally 160k words in like goddamn

thank you everyone who has stuck by this story i know it’s been frustrating waiting around (trust me i annoyed myself with the slow burn) but i hope this in some way makes up for it 🥺 i can’t describe how much all of your patience and support means to me, it really gives me the motivation to keep writing this story. you’re all so amazing ❤️

ok i’m sorry i’m rambling and i know it sounds like this is the end but it actually isn’t i just needed to get it off my chest skdnskdnsk

have a very merry christmas, and if you don’t celebrate i hope you have a wonderful day regardless! please enjoy! :D <3

Chapter 29: Chapter Twenty-Nine

They move into their new apartment at the turn of the new year, forgoing festivities and a string of parties in order to ensure their new home is liveable and all their furniture is moved before they both return back to work. 

They had been looking for a new place for a while, ever since Sehun's sudden rise in pay and Jongin being promoted to one of the managers at the restaurant. They'd simply outgrown their first ever, grown-up apartment. Neither of them particularly enjoyed living in the rundown building and the multitude of problems that came with it, so they reached the mutual decision that if they both saved hard they could look for a new place by the next year. By some miracle, they managed to do just that.

The new apartment complex is in a much nicer area of the city, right next to a park and a surrounded by a suburban area with friendly neighbours that can't smile wide enough when they see them moving their boxes in. Many of them offer to help, even the older ones who should be inside protecting themselves from the cold and not even contemplating doing heavy lifting; so when the two men politely refuse their help, they go out of their way to make them feel welcome in other ways, including baked goods and gift baskets of necessities. 

Neither of the men are used to this. Their last neighbours were inconsiderate slobs who had a bad habit hosting parties until dawn, having their television on as loud as possible or chain smoking and conveniently forgetting about the vents that led into their apartment. For the extra rent and dent in their bank accounts, they definitely consider this new home worth the investment. 

Their friends are of the same opinion too. On the morning that Baekhyun helps them move in, he flits around each room and marvelling at the stark difference between the two apartments. 

"You actually have heating in this place!" He exclaims, darting into another room in a blur. There's the sound of a faucet being run. "Holy shit, you have hot water too!"

Sehun hadn't initially realised what a terrible state they were living in before the move; and yet, he still finds it difficult to part with the place on their final night, suddenly hit by a painful wave of nostalgia. Yes, the place is crappy and falling apart at the seams, but him and Jongin, and all their friends, have made some good memories here. 

He knows it's time to let go. They've both metaphorically and physically grown out of this place. Their new apartment signifies new beginnings and new chapters in their life, a sign that bigger, better things are on the horizon for them. 

Sehun isn't used to things falling to place so perfectly, but he's enjoying it while he can't. He's never been happier. 

The move takes a week in total, probably one of the most frenetic and chaotic of his life, but the pride and unadulterated ecstasy he feels when the new apartment keys are dropped into his hands is second to none. His fists close over them triumphantly, exhaling deeply like he's just won a long-winded battle. 

"Ready to see our new home?" Jongin smiles. 

Sehun nods, matching his expression. "Ready."

***

The first thing on their agenda is, of course, a housewarming party. While all of their friends have seen the apartment in various stages of disarray, they have yet to see the finished result in all its glory.

While he would never admit it, Sehun was touched by how much his friends helped them out and how much effort they put into perfecting their new home. Even though none of them were obligated and could easily have turned the offer down in favour of enjoying their peaceful time off work, each one pulled through in too many ways to count. Even Junmyeon helped out, which was perhaps the biggest miracle of all. 

Admittedly, he is a lot stronger than Sehun so him, Jongin, Minseok and Chanyeol moved the majority of the furniture while Sehun, Baekhyun and Kyungsoo were in charge of decorating. Kyungsoo's slow, methodical and painstakingly neat process was a wild contrast to Baekhyun's gung-ho attitude of slapping paint on wherever he deemed fit, not caring if it splashed back or ran down the walls. Eventually, Sehun escorted him out in disgrace to help the other furniture lifters. To which they didn't hear the end of for the endless hours to come. 

For their efforts, Sehun and Jongin have prepared their evening as best as they can; ordering in expensive food of all varieties, buying an abundance of alcohol and hanging up paper chains, streamers and a banner over the open plan kitchen. While he and Jongin work in tandem, Sehun gets this strange, hot feeling in his chest. This, he later realises, is happiness. In its purest form. Something he hasn't experienced in so long that he forgot what it felt like. Now, he can work alongside Jongin and not have to worry about holding himself back or letting his emotions get the better of him; and the man he likes feels the same way. Life is as good as it can get. 

He hasn't told anyone about his and Junmyeon's meeting on Christmas Day. When around each other, they managed to behave respectfully; it's relieving that their dynamic hasn't shifted in the slightest, still ready to squabble at the drop of a hat and more than happy to rile each other up, so their friends don't notice anything has changed between them. Apart from sneaking off occasionally to talk alone. One time Junmyeon hugged Sehun against one of the walls which was still wet with paint, consequently ruining his overalls and t-shirt. 

Sehun isn't trying to keep it a secret, exactly, he just wants to see how things play out for a while before doing something drastic like telling his friends and getting them excited. It's not that he doesn't trust Junmyeon, Sehun just keeps things to himself by nature. Not secretive, just mindful. 

Baekhyun is the first to arrive at the party, laden down with his own alcohol since he clearly didn't trust Sehun and Jongin to provide enough. Instead of being intimidated by the sheer amount of bottles on the countertops, he seems determined to drink his way through it. Straightaway, he's moving through the kitchen to look for a bottle opener to pop open one of the many bottles of champagne. 

"Shouldn't you wait?" Jongin suggests. "The others will be coming soon. It looks kinda rude." 

"I'm not here to make an impression," Baekhyun states. "I'm here to get blackout drunk and vomit on Sehun's lovely new cream carpet." 

"You even go near my bedroom and I'll make you sit on that champagne bottle." 

Baekhyun smirks. "Sehun, we're in front of company. At least wait until we're alone before you make a move." 

Sehun sighs though there's no malice behind it. Not even Baekhyun's hyperactivity and crude tongue can irritate him the same way it usually does. He's looking forward to seeing Junmyeon too much. 

Kyungsoo arrives next, bringing homemade desserts he's spent all afternoon making. Sehun knows this is just an excuse for him to show off his baking skills. Whenever he has a window fo freetime, Kyungsoo will spend it in the kitchen experimenting with recipes and food. That's part of the reason Jongin likes visiting his house so much. 

Sehun maintains his cooking is horrible simply because he has a reputation to maintain and an animosity to uphold with him, when really he could cry with happiness every time he samples something Kyungsoo has made. 

Kyungsoo turns to Sehun. "Junmyeon said he was running late so he's getting a ride with Minseok."

"Okay?" Sehun grumbles. "Why would I care?" 

The bespectacled man simply raises an eyebrow, looking at him pityingly. Sehun tries to stare him down, refusing to subject himself to this. Furiously, he tries to keep his mind blank on the off chance Kyungsoo is actually a mind reader and is peering into the window in Sehun's head that constantly plays his and Junmyeon's kiss on a loop. Ever since his first meeting with Jongin's boyfriend, he's been afraid he might secretly possess psychic powers. 

They don't have to wait long before the rest of the group arrive. Minseok, Chanyeol and Junmyeon come present housewarming gifts of varying usefulness; Minseok with an iron (very practical), Junmyeon with a box of beautiful decorative plates (very thoughtful) and Chanyeol with a withering house plant that droops sadly in it's white pot. Sehun and Jongin stare at it with equal distaste.

Chanyeol crosses his arms defensively over his broad chest. "It just needs a bit of TLC to perk it up."

"Were you watering it with acid?" Kyungsoo questions. 

Chanyeol scowls at him. "I forgot you were a botanist on top of everything else."

Jongin tweaks one of the listless vines between his thumb and forefinger. It snaps off in his grasp. He heaves a hefty sigh before moving it onto the kitchen windowsill and gives it a cup of water regardless, Sehun tells him to throw it in the garbage which earns him a thump on the arm. 

"I suppose we should all toast now everyone is here," Jongin says after pouring everyone a glass of champagne. He falters, looking at Sehun. "To... uh... what, exactly?" 

"Our new apartment?" Sehun prompts. "Living somewhere that has hot, running water?"

"Your old apartment didn't have hot water?" Murmurs Junmyeon out of the side of his mouth. Sehun shakes his head, that is an embarrassing discussion for later. 

"To life in our new apartment and the beginning of the best year ever!" Cries Jongin, raising his glass high. Everyone follows in unison, shouting their own declarations and taking sips (gulps, in Baekhyun and Chanyeol's case) of champagne. 

"This is the good stuff," Minseok remarks, looking pleasantly surprised. 

"We went all out tonight, baby," grins Jongin. "Only the best for our best friends."

"How much have you had to drink already?" Kyungsoo deadpans. 

"He's sober," Sehun supplies. "He's just extra sickeningly happy since we moved in." 

"What about you? You seem your usual, prickly self," Minseok teases.

"Sehun wouldn't know good will and positivity if it hit him over the head with a hammer," drawls Baekhyun. 

"Should I demonstrate on you first?"

Baekhyun sticks his tongue out childishly, taking another swig and leaving his glass half empty. Both Sehun and Jongin look like they're regretting their offer of letting him crash here tonight. Sehun makes a mental note to barricade his bedroom door so he can't live up to his promise and puke all over the brand new carpet. 

For a while, everyone lingers in the kitchen to eat and socialise, managing to get through a sizable amount of alcohol in the process. As time drags on, the group splinters off in different directions as they wander off to look around the new apartment. Jongin takes Chanyeol and Minseok, Kyungsoo goes to look on his own and is irritated when Baekhyun insists on following him, leaving Junmyeon and Sehun alone in the kitchen. Sehun's heart picks up at the mere implications. They haven't kissed since Christmas Day and he's having serious withdrawals. 

"Do you still want me to take you home?" Sehun asks. He limited himself to one glass of champagne in case Junmyeon needed a ride at the end of the night. Sehun was the one who persuaded Junmyeon to drink tonight, telling him to enjoy himself and let loose a little. He never gets the opportunity normally.

"I don't mind getting a cab," he replies. He's had three glasses of alcohol and seems unaffected, if anything his eyes seem slightly glossier than usual. "It's cold and I don't want you to-"

"Like I would turn down any time with you."

The older man smiles softly. "I like that we can say this kind of stuff to each other now."

"I always did," huffs Sehun. "You were just too dense to get the hints." 

Junmyeon loops his arm around Sehun's waist, bringing him into his side for a hug. He rests his chin on Sehun's shoulder, sighing contentedly. Instinctively, Sehun hugs him back, the smaller man slotting into his body perfectly. 

"Can I look around?" Junmyeon requests. "I want to see what an amazing job I did of painting the bathroom." 

"We had to repaint over all of your terrible mistakes." Junmyeon shoots the younger man a venomous stare. "Joke. It looks really good."

"Because Baekhyun had no involvement in it."

Sehun tilts his head in consideration. "I think you just hit the nail on the head."

***

Their evening quickly descends from civilised to chaotic. Hoarding so much liquor was a mistake, though Sehun only realises this once Chanyeol drags out their old Wii and demands a game of Just Dance, determined to beat the dancers among them. Sehun flatly refuses but Jongin is so tipsy that he leaps at the opportunity- figuratively and literally, he jumps up from the sofa so quickly that he spills soju all over Kyungsoo. 

Sehun manages to avoid further confrontation by sinking down in his seat, shrinking into Junmyeon who chuckles in amusement. When he asks Sehun if he's allowed a round, Sehun tells him only if he goes against Minseok. 

To his amazement, Minseok has loosened up considerably and agrees enthusiastically. He rolls his sleeves up in preparation, rolling his neck on his shoulders and stretching his arms. Him and Junmyeon take their turn after the messy rendition of Toxic by Britney Spears. 

"Don't pop a hip, old man," taunts Junmyeon. 

"Be careful you don't break a precious nail," shoots Minseok. 

The two men stand and glare at each other. Chanyeol turns to Sehun, startled. 

"Are you finding this as hot as I am?"

"I'm worried about the fragility of their bones," he deadpans. Should he have an icepack on hand just in case? Junmyeon has been known to make a fool of himself in times like these. 

However, to his credit, Junmyeon doesn't show himself up in his battle with Minseok. Sehun is surprised at how good his dancing is, not realising that this was one of his many talents. He saw it briefly during the musical, though that didn't involve moving and dancing in the same way; this is much more fast-paced and ruthless, especially since they deliberately picked one of the songs with the hardest difficulty. In the end, it's Junmyeon who ends up winning over Minseok. What's even more surprising is that Minseok is a brilliant dancer too. No one looks more bewildered than Chanyeol does. 

"When was I going to find out about this?" He asks with a pout. 

Minseok shrugs. "If you hadn't agreed to go out with me I was going to woo you with a dance number in the rain. Thankfully it never came to that."

"Like Step Up!" Chirps Jongin. "Soo, why have we never danced in the rain?"

"Because I'm a celebrity and I don't dance," he states flatly. 

Jongin's lips turn down at the corners. "You wouldn't even try for me?" 

"I don't love anybody that much, I'm afraid." 

Jongin sighs dramatically, draping himself over his boyfriend in an attempt to change his mind. To no avail.

"He's almost as ruthless as you," Junmyeon whispers.

"Comparing me to Kyungsoo is possibly the most hurtful thing you've ever done." 

Junmyeon finds Sehun's hand under the blanket they're sharing and squeezes it tightly. It's a little bit sweaty with perspiration after his vigorous dance-off, but Sehun holds it back nonetheless. Feeling Junmyeon's warm, small palm in his own does an adequate job of closing his throat up entirely. 

He wishes they were alone. 

Suddenly, Sehun is very bitter that he has to share Junmyeon with the rest of his friends. When Chanyeol engages him in a discussion about musical theatre, his attention is taken away for a full fifteen minutes and Sehun is forced to entertain Baekhyun, which is definitely considered the shorter end of the stick. Especially when his friend keeps whining and tugging at his sleeve, demanding a turn on the Wii.

"I think you should, Sehun," Kyungsoo says loudly. "Put that degree to some use, right?" 

Sehun narrows his eyes, setting his jaw hard. "Prepare to eat your words."

He gets up off the couch and everyone begins applauding him, even Baekhyun who is meant to be his rival. There is a playful glint in his best friend's eye as he hands him his controllers.

"What do I get if I win?" Baekhyun smirks. "Because we all know I'm going to."

"A place to sleep tonight you fucking freeloader," Sehun scoffs, cracking his neck in anticipation. 

"And if Sehun wins?" Minseok asks.

"Baekhyun has to kiss Kyungsoo on the forehead for thirty seconds," Chanyeol says immediately. The bespectacled man physically recoils, shuddering at the mere thought. 

"You better win, Sehun," he states in a bone-chillingly deep voice. 

Baekhyun fans himself. "This is a win-win for me. I'm going to throw the game. Sehun, you just concentrate on impressing Junmyeon."

It's hard to gauge which man has the most hilarious, taken aback reaction.

Sehun ignores the unwelcome fluttering of his heart while Baekhyun takes his time selecting the appropriate song- the one he thinks he has the best chance of defeating him with. It's been so long since Sehun last danced that he's lost all nerve, completely doubting his abilities. Especially in front of Junmyeon, the pressure has amplified tenfold. He doesn't have to prove himself in front of Jongin, Baekhyun or Chanyeol, who are all very aware of his skills; the others, however, have only heard about his prowess in dancing but have yet to see it, unable to make a judgement until then.

Baekhyun is totally wrong about him wanting to impress Junmyeon. It's just a stupid game, everyone is too tipsy to take it seriously. 

Yet...

"This one," Baekhyun decides, a snippet of Hot n Cold by Katy Perry coming from the sound system. Sehun sighs, getting into position. This is always Baekhyun's go to, the song he's the most confident with. In his defence, it is a classic. 

"Are you Team Sehun or Team Baekhyun?" Chanyeol asks everyone on the couch. The resounding answer is that everyone is Team Sehun, Baekhyun doesn't even get a pity vote. 

"Might as well hang it up now," smirks Sehun as he waits for the opening sequence to begin.

Baekhyun narrows his eyes, suddenly looking much more sober. "I'll never lose to you." 

The song begins and Sehun is so intent on victory that he ignores everything else around him; his friend's cheers, Baekhyun and Kyungsoo's taunts, Chanyeol's clapping and Jongin's observations. He allows his body to be taken over by the upbeat pop rhythm and focuses solely on his moving his body correctly. The bar on his side of the screen is getting filled up a lot quicker than Baekhyun's. Baekhyun is a good dancer too, like everything else, he is annoyingly naturally skilled at it, but he doesn't have the same experience and training as Sehun. 

Really, if Sehun can't win a dance battle against his inexperienced friend then he may as well rip up his worthless degree. 

"He's really good!" Exclaims Junmyeon, unable to take his eyes off of his personal assistant. 

"He did go to university for it," Chanyeol points out. "Kyungsoo is right, it's about the only time he's ever put it to use." 

"It's sad he never got to pursue it," Junmyeon says quietly, more to himself than anything. 

"I don't think he minds," remarks Chanyeol. "It turned out pretty good in the end, didn't it? He's working with you now." 

Junmyeon tilts his head in consideration and smiles as Chanyeol's words sink in properly. He's right. The universe has a strange way of working like that, connecting people through fate; making them suffer so once they find their destiny, they savour it all the more. 

As expected, Sehun is the undisputed winner, drawing ahead with a whopping three thousand more points than his opponent. Baekhyun collapses to the floor and holds his head in his hands, alternating between demanding a rematch and declaring how unbalanced the match was. Jongin and Junmyeon hold Kyungsoo's head tightly so he can't squirm away from Baekhyun's kiss. Which he plants sloppy and enthusiastically right in the centre of his forehead. 

Junmyeon shakes his head in amusement. "They're so funny. I can totally see them becoming best friends in future." 

"They're halfway there already," Sehun informs him. "They have the typical love-hate, enemies-to-lovers relationship. If he wasn't with Jongin I think he'd like Baekhyun."

His expression falters as Kyungsoo rips away from his restraints and begins beating Baekhyun senseless with a throw cushion, pummelling it hard over his head and mussing his hair.

"Maybe not." 

*** 

Around midnight is when everything begins to settle down. And by settling down, it means Minseok escorts a very drunk Chanyeol home, Baekhyun passes out in Sehun's bed (much to his horror, he tries to move him to the sofa but his body is such a deadweight it's impossible to pick up) and Kyungsoo and Jongin retreat to Jongin's bedroom. Sehun offers to take Junmyeon home as soon as it calms down, having eagerly anticipated time alone with him all evening. 

Junmyeon is pleasantly buzzed, the alcohol is warm and heavy in his veins as he sits in Sehun's passenger seat, subtly staring at the younger man out of the corner of his eye. His usual cold features are arranged into something much gentler, making him look infinitely more beautiful. The corners of his lips are lilted upwards ever so slightly as he hums along to the pop song on the radio, fingers tapping against the steering wheel to the beat. 

"You're pretty," Junmyeon blurts.

Sehun’s eyebrows rise up in surprise. "Thank you. And you've had more to drink than realised." 

"I haven't," he grumbles. "I just wanted to tell you." 

"I'm still not used to you being so bold." 

"I won't bother in future then," huffs Junmyeon, scowling out of the window. He jumps slightly when Sehun leans across the console to pinch his cheek, never taking his eyes off the road. 

"Don't be grumpy," the younger man sings. "Or I'll kick you onto the freeway." 

Junmyeon is defenceless against the silly smile that spreads across his face. With only a few words from Sehun, his mood can turn a whole one-eighty. He should be embarrassed at how easily he's swayed by the younger man, though there's little point dwelling on it now. He's dug himself this hole and he's happy to live here for a while longer. 

The ride to Junmyeon's apartment is much too short for his liking. He'd be happy if Sehun drove them around the city until dawn, never wanting to leave the sanctity of his car. In here, they are a world away from the reality that awaits them beyond. And Junmyeon would like to play pretend for a while longer.

"Do you want to come in?" He offers. "I'm not ready to sleep yet, so..."

Sehun is embarrassed at how quickly he leaps at the opportunity. "Sure," he agrees, unbuckling his seatbelt and already opening the door. Junmyeon chuckles at his eagerness as he too gets out of the car, shivering at the sudden snowy chill that envelops him. Fortunately he's wearing his scarf, which protects his neck and face from the cold perfectly. 

There's a strange tension that resides between them as they make their way up to Junmyeon's apartment. Sehun lags behind slightly, trying to decipher what this means. Has he done something to annoy Junmyeon? Said the wrong thing? If that was the case, surely he wouldn't have invited him in? Surely things can't be going wrong this early into their... whatever this might be. 

Only when they actually step inside the apartment does Junmyeon talk, shrugging off his coat and hanging it up on the peg near the door. 

"Would you like something to warm you up? Tea? Cocoa?"

"Cocoa sounds nice," Sehun nods, standing awkwardly on the threshold. Junmyeon tells him to deposit his things by the door before heading into the kitchen, his slippers echoing through the immense, silent apartment. Sehun suppresses a shudder. Does Junmyeon really come back to this every night? It's so depressing. 

Sehun follows him into the kitchen, still craning his neck to marvel around the apartment. No matter how many times he sees it, he always finds something new and awe-inspiring. Tonight it's the beautiful Christmas decorations that have been strewn around, the Christmas tree by the staircase is so big it almost touches the ceiling. Sehun has seen the photos on Junmyeon's phone but the beauty of seeing it with his own eyes is incomparable. The display looks like it belongs in an art gallery. To his credit, Junmyeon has a keen eye for interior design. 

"Would you like marshmallows? Whipped cream?" Junmyeon asks when he senses Sehun's presence in the doorway. His back is turned as he busies himself at the counter, which Sehun takes as an opportunity. Silently, he creeps up behind the older man before grabbing him around the torso and pulling him into his chest for a hug. Junmyeon gasps in surprise, dropping the spoon in his hand as his body tenses up for an infinitesimal moment. Once he realises what has happened, he relaxes considerably and turns his head to Sehun with a playful scowl. 

"I could've scalded myself."

"I made sure you wouldn't," Sehun hums, resting his chin atop his head. "Do you have those mini marshmallows?"

"Duh. And chocolate shavings." 

"I forgot how well you get treated at rich people's houses."

Junmyeon gently nudges him in the ribs, making Sehun giggle. When Junmyeon tries to wriggle out of his grasp, the arms around his waist only go tighter. His hold is vice-like and unrelenting. Despite being a nuisance, Sehun's certainly managed to dissipate the awkward tension between them. Junmyeon supposes he should thank him for that. 

As Junmyeon moves around the kitchen, Sehun remains clung onto him, waddling behind him so it doesn't impair his ability to walk but so he remains attached. Junmyeon huffs and pretends it's an annoyance when really his heart is beating so fast it could be considered dangerous. Every time Sehun's breath catches the sensitive spot on his neck, he has to suppress a shudder. Mercifully, the younger man doesn't seem to notice. He's too focused on the cocoa Junmyeon is making him, suggesting more things to put on top. Eventually, Junmyeon has to put his foot down and tell him no more toppings, claiming he'll be put into a sugar coma if he has much more. It's very hard resisting his charming pout but somehow Junmyeon manages.

They sit down with their cocoa at the kitchen island, the only time Sehun manages to detach himself from Junmyeeon. The older man rolls his eyes fondly at how eager Sehun is over his diabetes-infused drink, simultaneously feeling pride well within him. Seeing Sehun sat in his kitchen feels like the most normal thing in the world, like he was born to blend into Junmyeon's home- his life. He isn't sure whether the younger man feels the same or if he's too focused on spooning the mountain of whipped cream into his mouth. 

"Do you feel better now?" Sehun asks. 

"Better?" Junmyeon repeats, confused. "What do you mean?" 

"You seemed a little tense on the way here," the younger man shrugs. "I thought..."

"No, nothing wrong!" He says, a little too high-pitched. He'd simply die if Sehun ever found out what was running through his head as they walked to his apartment, those dirty thoughts need to be locked away and forgotten about for eternity. "What about you? Are you okay?"  

"Actually," he begins, causing Junmyeon's heart to drop. "There is something I want to talk about."

Junmyeon swallows down his panic, arranging his face into neutrality. "What is it?" 

Sehun shuffles awkwardly on his stool, eyes cast downward into his mug. Now it's out in the open and Junmyeon's full attention is on him, he suddenly can't find the words. Which is surprising, considering how many times he's gone over them in his head ever since their first kiss. 

"What... What is this?" Is all he can manage. It's incredibly vague but he hopes Junmyeon gets the gist. He doesn't possess the capacity to elaborate further. 

"I hadn't really thought about it," Junmyeon says. He doesn't like that the pressure has been pushed onto him. Then again, he was the one who initiated it that night. He's terrified of saying the wrong thing to Sehun in fear that it will push him away. Now he's felt what it's like to be held in Sehun's arms, to feel his warm lips against his own, he never wants to be without him. No one else will ever do.

Sehun exhales a breath. "I should've expected that."

"Do we really need to put a label on it?" Junmyeon says quickly, sensing he needs to salvage the situation before it spirals out of control. "The main thing is that we get to spend time like this together. Rushing into it would be-"

"A bad idea," Sehun completes, taking the words right out of the older man's mouth. "I agree. I was worried you'd be one of those people who wants to jump headfirst into things without testing the waters."

Junmyeon laughs shakily. While he managed to confess to Sehun and find the nerve to do all of this, he still has a way to go before he's assured enough of himself to ever do anything that bold. Taking it slow is for his own selfish reasons, wanting to adjust to being with another man so freely without inhibitions. He wants to give himself enough time to adjust so when the time finally does come, he doesn't accidentally push Sehun away. 

"Definitely not. So if you're okay with taking it slow..."

"Absolutely," Sehun agrees. "Let's just... get to know each other a bit."

"You know more about me than anyone else," Junmyeon points out with a small eye roll. "You mean 'getting along without squabbling'."

Sehun pinches the bridge of his nose. "Which you're already proving hard to do," he mutters. 

"You'll have to work on that short temper of yours if this is going to work."

"And you're going to have to learn to keep that smart mouth of yours shut." 

They smile at one another, turning away and snorting with laughter. Sehun is addicted to this sudden carefree and light atmosphere between them, no longer weighed down with longing and barely concealed emotions. It feels like he's finally free. 

"I have one request though." Sehun arches an eyebrow, silently urging him to continue. "No more dates with Jaehyun." 

The smirk that overtakes Sehun's features is one of pure, infuriating ecstasy. Palpable waves of smugness radiate from his body as he surveys Junmyeon, looking highly amused.

"Do I detect a hint of jealousy? Even though you were the one who encouraged me to go on said date?" 

Junmyeon scowls. "Of course I was jealous."

"You look constipated with the effort of admitting that."

"Oh shut up." 

Comfortable silence falls over them as Sehun focuses on fishing the marshmallows out of his cocoa, the older man watching him in amusement. Sehun's face is expressive and hilarious, looking genuinely anguished every time one of the sweets falls off his spoon. 

"You know," Junmyeon says, taking a sip of his drink. "I'm actually surprised you worked up the nerve to drop the 'what are we?' question."

Sehun gapes at his shamefacedness. "Just because you were the one who confessed first does not mean you're not a coward. Who was the one who asked to kiss you first?"

Junmyeon hums. "I still think that mistletoe was a set-up." 

"Maybe I wanted to kiss Baekhyun."

The older man's eyes narrow possessively. "Take that back." 

"Maybe I got so tired of you being a pus- ah!" Sehun grimaces in surprise when a glob of whipped cream splatters across his face, right over the bridge of his nose and cheeks. 

"Oops," Junmyeon says calmly.

In an instant, Sehun has leapt up from his stool and has swooped down on Junmyeon, picking him up and causing him to squeal loudly. 

"Sehun, put me down!" He demands. "I feel sick!"

"You should've thought about that before you started this fight," Sehun says mercilessly. 

When he reaches the lounge, he throws Junmyeon onto the couch and without second thought, leaps on top of him too. Junmyeon groans when all of Sehun's weight lands onto him, making him sink further into the leather. He uses his height to his advantage, completely smothering Junmyeon with his long limbs and lanky body. The older man tries to shake him off to no avail. Sehun has somehow turned himself into a deadweight, impossible to move or even shake off. As Junmyeon talks, he's well aware his voice is muffled by his face being pressed into Sehun's chest.

“You're the worst."

"Sorry, what was that?" Sehun asks. "'I'm the best'?"

Junmyeon sighs, subjecting himself to this fate. He supposes there are worse people to be trapped under.

Notes:

and that’s the end of cut and rewind!

JUST KIDDING

the good news: this story is far from over! i’ve seen a few people asking if this was the end or how many chapters there is left and let me reassure you there’s a lot more to come :D

the bad news: because there’s so much i still need to write (i have every chapter planned out and notes so far) it’ll probably be a couple of weeks before the next update but it’s in the process and more is coming! hope this clears things up!

please enjoy! :D

p.p.s thank you all for your lovely comments on the last chapter, you may or may not have made me shed a few happy tears 😥

Chapter 30: Chapter Thirty

Three days before they are scheduled back on set, Junmyeon decides to bite the bullet and ask Sehun if he would like to visit his grandmother with him. With how busy his upcoming schedule is about to be (Jongdae took initiative and emailed him his timetable, with every single minute of his day planned out) he decides it's best to get a visit in while he still can, because with the endless hours on set, award shows, interviews, photo shoots and travelling overseas; there's going to be little opportunity to reconnect with her- with anyone.

(It's also totally not because there's a small, terrified part of Junmyeon that wonders how long him and Sehun are going to last, so he better get it out of the way while he still can. Not at all. It's so she can see that Junmyeon took her advice and has finally prioritised his happiness.)

Sehun eagerly agrees, claiming that he's wanted to meet her ever since Junmyeon regaled the story of how she punched an army general who tried to grope her in a nightclub in her youth. Although he has never met Junmyeon's grandmother, Sehun already feels a kindred understanding with her.

And it's also an excuse to spend extra time with Junmyeon. Which he would never turn down.

Junmyeon picks Sehun up outside of his new apartment block at seven thirty am on the dot, they have to set off early since it's a long drive. Mr Kim didn't even have the heart to rehome her to a retirement complex in the same city. Sehun feels a little shiver of thrill when he spots Junmyeon's blacked-out Audi (his most inconspicuous car, which is saying something) pulling up on the sidewalk, because it finally hits home that Kim Junmyeon; voted Most Handsome Man three years in a row, world-renowned actor and fulltime moron, is finally his.

"Why are you smiling so early in the morning? That isn't like you," is the first thing Junmyeon greets him with.

Sehun's face quickly falls into a scowl. "Good morning to you too, asshole."

The sweetness never lasts long. Honestly? Sehun wouldn't have it any other way.

"I brought breakfast," Junmyeon motions to the brown bag in the cupholder, which Sehun only now notices is emitting a delicious smell; freshly brewed coffee and some kind of pastry. "I didn't know when we'd get a chance to eat."

Peering in the bag, Sehun spots a cardboard cup of coffee and a cinnamon pretzel wrapped up in tissue. He nods approvingly and Junmyeon's shoulders visibly sag in relief. That breakfast order agonised him far more than it should've done.

"You did good," the younger man compliments, patting Junmyeon's knee across the control box.

"It's weird you being nice to me," remarks Junmyeon as Sehun takes his first sip of coffee, instantly feeling the effects of caffeine. He makes a pleased noise in the back of his throat which makes Junmyeon smile discreetly.

"Would you rather I verbally abused you and kicked you around a few times?"

The older man lowers his sunglasses to fix him with a stare. "Don't be a smartass. I'm not saying I don't like it, just that it'll take some getting used to."

Sehun shrugs. "Well, we're both trying."

After a few beats of silence, Junmyeon smiles softly and agrees, "Yeah. We are."

The tenderness quickly fizzles out once they argue over whose AUX cord gets to be plugged in. Sehun argues that as the passenger he has full rights to controlling the music since Junmyeon should focus on driving, while the older man protests that since they're in his car they should therefore listen to his music. Sehun points out that Junmyeon's music is so boring it'll put him to sleep behind the wheel and Junmyeon quips that Sehun's is so headache inducing that it'll give him a stroke.

In the end they compromise that Sehun gets priority on the drive there and Junmyeon on the way back. The dispute was easily solved but the friction and the fire of their bickering will always be a comfort, an anchor to cling onto as they navigate this uncertain storm they have voyaged into. Junmyeon can't be a sickeningly sweet partner because he simply isn't ready yet, and Sehun is nowhere near willing to show any vulnerability. Both men are aware their guard's are up, but since they're as guilty as each other there's no point arguing about it. Everything will come with time and patience. They waited this long for each other, time is not a concern for them. 

"Want some?" Sehun asks, breaking off half of the pretzel and handing it to Junmyeon.

"I'd better not. It's not in my diet pla-"

Before he can finish his sentence, Sehun stuffs it into his mouth so he has no other option to be quiet and eat it. He chokes, spluttering at the sudden intrusion and veers the car to the left as he momentarily loses focus. Once recovered, he shoots such a venomous glare at Sehun that the younger man can feel it burning holes in his skin despite looking out of the window.

"That could've gotten us killed."

"But it didn't," Sehun points out smartly. "You need breakfast too. What if you faint from hunger behind the wheel and crash that way?"

"I refuse to believe you solely acted on good will."

Sehun's eyes widen, wearing an expression of mock hurt. "Junmyeon," he says, putting his hand over his heart. "Would I do something like that?"

With a sigh of resignation, Junmyeon takes a bite of the pretzel. He'd rather go over his carb intake than oppose Sehun getting his own way. This is when he knows how disgustingly deeply he has fallen for Sehun, as if bringing him to meet the most important person in his life wasn't already an indication of this.

The mischief seems to fizzle out of Sehun as he reclines comfortably in the passenger seat, resting his head on the window and watching the scenery streak past in muted blurs of grey and the occasional colourful flash of a car. The scene is utterly serene, Junmyeon's heart feels at peace as he sneaks glances at the younger man from his peripheral vision. In a spur of boldness, he reaches across the control box to rest his hand on Sehun's thigh. Without moving his gaze, Sehun tangles their fingers together and Junmyeon is so happy he thinks he could cry.

***

They arrive at the retirement home exactly on time, just as Junmyeon planned. This means they get a whole two hour appointment with his grandmother, with nothing cutting into their time. Junmyeon wants to make the most of it considering this will probably be his only visit.

He announces himself in a quiet voice at reception so no passers-by can eavesdrop or recognise him. Sehun tells him he's pretty well disguised already with his beanie, mask and large sunglasses to which he quips he can't be too careful.

When Sehun clicks his fingers and says, "Oh yeah, 'cause old ladies are the only people who watch your dramas,", he gets a harsh nudge in the ribs that leaves him winded.

Junmyeon has never been to the retirement home before, the only times he's seen his grandmother since she moved in was when his father deemed it fit she came to visit their house. Following the map at reception and the signs on the wall isn't too tricky, his grandmother's private room is on the second floor in the East Building. Sehun comments it's like a university campus and Junmyeon finds such irony in that he can't help chuckling.

Knocking thrice on her door, Junmyeon takes a step back and fiddles with his jacket, suddenly struck by the notion he doesn't look presentable enough. Even though it's only his grandmother, whom he saw the other week, he feels the need to be more composed than usual today because of his guest. Like he's trying to make a good impression on Sehun's behalf.

Not that he doesn't think Sehun won't make one himself, his personality is such that it leaves a lasting impression on anyone who comes into contact with him, but Junmyeon has never done something of this nature before; never brought a man back to meet his family. And Sehun is, without a doubt, the most important person he has ever been with.

Gyunghui shuffles to the door in her slippers, Junmyeon is immediately flooded with relief when he sees how casually she is dressed. He was worried he wasn't formal enough, having seriously debated coming in a shirt and tie. Only at the last minute did Sehun manage to dissuade him.

"Darling!" She coos, opening her arms out for Junmyeon as he falls against her chest happily. She smells the same as she has done for his whole life; of her favourite white tea and sage perfume. "It's so good to see you again."

"You too, Grandma," he says happily, taking a step back and putting his arm around her shoulders. With a smile, he motions to the younger man who has been watching their embrace with a ghost of his own smile too. "This is Sehun. My friend who I was telling you about."

Sehun bows at ninety-degrees. "Hello, Mrs Kim. It's a pleasure to finally meet you. I've heard many wonderful things about you from Junmyeon." He hands her the large bouquet of flowers he brought as a gift.

"They're beautiful," she reciprocates the bow. "Thank you so much. Please come in." Beckoning for the two men to follow her, they step inside her apartment and Sehun closes the door softly behind him.

"Sorry if we're late, your grandson was holding up the Starbucks drive-thru because he didn't know what you wanted with your order."

Gyunghui throws her head back and laughs, already Sehun can see the stark contrast between her and the rest of Junmyeon's family. "Did he really forget? I texted him twice."

"He's very easily overwhelmed."

"That's just the fame making him a spoiled brat."

"Excuse me!" Junmyeon cries. "You're not meant to gang up on me."

The way Sehun and Gyunghui both turn on him with identical expressions of disdain is eerie.

"Would you like tea?" She asks both men. "Something to eat? I know you've had a long journey."

"Tea would be wonderful, thank you," Sehun smiles. Junmyeon agrees even though he only had a Starbucks twenty minutes ago. Gyunghui makes the best tea with her secret ingredient which she's never disclosed, he'd never pass up the opportunity to have it.

Sehun asks if she wants any help but she tells him to sit down and make himself comfortable, motioning to the open lounge connected to the dining room. Judging by the interior of her apartment, and the overall luxurious retirement village in general, Sehun knows Junmyeon's father must have paid through the nose for it. As if letting his mother live in opulence somehow makes up for the fact he sent her to live in a different part of the country.  

"I like her already," Sehun whispers to Junmyeon, who smiles so radiantly it's like looking at the sun. It only takes the smallest of things to make him happy, the younger man realises. For someone so high maintenance, he doesn't require a lot.

"She likes you too," Junmyeon informs him. "Even before she met you."

Sehun arches an eyebrow. "How did she even know about me? Were you talking about me?"

"Yeah," he shrugs, suddenly looking bashful. "She knows how much you mean to me."

This sudden change in their dynamics is, leaving Sehun wrong-footed; he isn't used to Junmyeon proclaiming his feelings so freely or admitting what's truly on his mind in regard to Sehun, he's so used to having to connect the dots himself, always left in limbo. Albeit it's a little strange, but that isn't to say Sehun doesn't enjoy it. Wasn't this what he wanted with Junmyeon all along? To freely be around him without reservations, able to act with his heart and not his head. Really, it's all he's ever desired.

With a timid smile, Sehun slides his hand across the sofa and rests it atop of Junmyeon's smaller one, curling their fingers together. The older man looks at him with stars in his eyes, a strong surge of affection washing over him.

Gyunghui comes through carrying a tray laden down with cups and an assortment of treats, proudly telling the men she made them herself. Her eyes flicker down to notice their interlocked hands, not even letting go of one another to help themselves to tea, and she smiles knowingly to herself.

Even from solely seeing her grandson stood in the doorway; face softened with contentment, eyes bright with hope and cheeks rosy with happiness, she realises this is the happiest she has ever seen him. And it's all because of the man by his side. The dichotomy between Junmyeon today and the husk of a man she saw at Christmas is astonishing. She supposes she will have to thank Sehun, never able to repay him for bringing her grandson back from the precipice.

Gyunghui knows how miserable he was before Sehun came into his life; how his existence was meaningless and monotonous, his dissatisfaction with how his life turned out and all the regrets that came with it, always worrying whether he made the right choices. He spent too much time on his own, the isolation only fed into his misery. It was a double-edged sword.

And now here he is, smiling and playing around with Sehun as if they were the only two in the room, squabbling over who gets to eat the pink macarons because apparently they're each other's favourites. Laughing! So carefree and lighthearted. Gyunghui can't remember the last time she saw him laugh.

The more she gets to know Sehun; laughing uproariously at his jokes, matching his sarcasm and watching how he interacts so childishly yet so tenderly towards her grandson, the more she grows to like him. Not simply because of what he's done for Junmyeon, but because of who he is as a person. Him and Junmyeon are the complete opposites yet, somehow, it just works. As if fate decided it would be so.

Maybe it did. 

At one point Gyunghui unearths her numerous photo albums, eager to show Sehun all of the delightful baby photographs of Junmyeon so they can titter over them together. Junmyeon leaps up from the couch with a groan, attempting to run into the bathroom and lock himself in. Sehun tackles him from behind, lifting him up off the floor until he's protesting and demanding he be put down, legs flailing in the air. Sehun is ruthless, making him promise to stay put no matter how damning the photos are.

"They're bad," Gyunghui says gleefully. "Lots of bath snapshots."

Junmyeon grimaces. "You're asking too much of me, Sehun."

"Oh don't be such a baby," his grandmother says briskly. "Everyone in the complex has seen these photos, Junmyeon. Get over yourself."

"Everyone?" Yelps Junmyeon. "You showed all your friends?"

"Yes. I brought them to presentation night."

Junmyeon goes lax in Sehun's grip with a sigh of utter defeat. "I suppose it doesn't get more embarrassing than that."

"That's what I was trying to tell you. Now sit down before I lose my patience." 

As it happens, Junmyeon had forgotten just how mortifying these photo collections were. Sehun takes great pleasure in taking photos on his phone to use as blackmail at a later date, musing what Junmyeon's fans would say if these were mysteriously leaked on social media. The older man lunges forward and puts him in a headlock, insisting he keeps them private for as long as he lives unless he wants to end up unemployed and homeless.

"Junmyeon," his grandmother scolds. "You really shouldn't hold that against him."

"Yeah, Junmyeon," Sehun says pointedly, wiggling out of his grip and smoothing down his hair.

The older man gapes in indignation. "You're my grandma, you're supposed to be on my side!"

Gyunghui clicks her tongue. "I'm old and fragile, I'm allowed to sit on the fence."

"You still do kendo twice a week," Junmyeon points out. "You could kick my ass."

"Don't you forget it. And no swearing, not in front of our guest."

Junmyeon throws his head back in exasperation as Sehun snickers, taking another sneaky photo of baby Junmyeon dressed up in a strawberry patterned dress adorned with a matching bonnet. This is definitely going on a personalised birthday card.

***

Gyunghui sends them off as soon as it reaches nightfall, worrying about their long drive back in the dark. She offers them a room to stay the night but Junmyeon assures her he's fine driving in the dark, he's been doing it for years and is confident on the roads. She asks Sehun if he would like to stay on his own, much to Junmyeon's chagrin, but he politely declines, admitting Junmyeon is a trustworthy driver who will get them home safely.

"Please feel free to come anytime you like," she offers, giving Sehun one last departing hug. "It's been a pleasure having you here."

Sehun bows. "Thank you. I'll bear that in mind. And I'll get your Starbucks order right, don't worry."

Gyunghui grins. Junmyeon sighs in exasperation.

"You too, sweetie," she envelops her grandson in a hug of his own. "I'm only a phone call away."

He smiles against her shoulder. "Love you."

"I love you too. Now get going before it's too late and I force you to stay here. And don't forget to eat dinner!"

"We won't," both men chorus, bowing again before finally leaving. Only when they reach the end hallway does Sehun speak, safely knowing the elderly woman is out of earshot.

"I think she's my new best friend."

"I should've known you two together would be a bad mix. You're the only people in the world who can get the best of me."

Sehun reaches for his hand before quickly pulling away. "Better not, actually. There's a lot of homophobes in this age demographic."

With a loud laugh, Junmyeon takes it anyway. While the gesture might not look like much, it means the world to Sehun; who knows full well how uncomfortable Junmyeon is with his sexuality, how he still struggles to come to terms with it years later. For him to reach out unprompted like this is perhaps the biggest step of progress they've made thus far. 

"Just to let you know, if my grandma ends up loving you more than me, I will have to kill you. There can only be one."

"I think that's already happened," Sehun says shamelessly. "She said something wistfully about wishing same sex marriage was legal so we could be a proper family."

Junmyeon's face goes so red it looks like steam is about to come out of his ears. Sehun just laughs easily, heart feeling carefree and jovial.

"I'm surprised at how liberal she is considering who your parents are- no offence."

"None taken," the older man scowls. "You wonder why I'm so much closer to her than I am with them. She's always understood me and encouraged me to stay true to myself, the complete opposite of what my parents told me." He sighs. "I wish I could cut ties with them but it's so difficult, you know? At the end of the day they're still family."

Sehun doesn't know, because thankfully he's never been in a situation as tricky as this. Of course Junmyeon feels estranged by his parents but also indebted to them, as bound by blood. Blood is thicker than water, after all; but when your relatives don't treat you like family, what action are you supposed to take then? Sehun certainly doesn't have the answer to this.

"I'm not worried about you," he says quietly. "You'll figure it out."

A faint smile tugs at the corners of Junmyeon's lips. Maybe he didn't need the answer to come from Sehun, or an inspiring speech to rally him in the right direction, maybe all he needed was his faith.

After all, that's the most hard won thing.

***

By the time they arrive back at Junmyeon's apartment, it's late into the night and Sehun is so exhausted he can barely keep himself upright. He can't fathom why he's so tired, especially when he wasn't the one driving. Travelling just zapped the energy right out of him, even after working with Junmyeon for all this time. The older man is better versed, yet he too seems drained after their long day. He flops down on the couch with a sigh of relief, patting the space next to him for Sehun to join.

"I can get a cab home if you're too tired to drive," yawns Sehun, already dreading having to get off his feet when he's so comfortable.

Junmyeon shuffles in his seat, looking suspicious. "I mean, you don't have to leave if you don't want," he says, coughing awkwardly. "You can stay over. It's late and I don't like the idea of you going across the city by yourself."

Sehun blinks, unable to mask his surprise. This is an oddly barefaced move on Junmyeon's part. "Sure. Thank you."

The older man slumps in relief, throwing his head over the back of the couch like he's recovering from the stress of making the offer. Sehun's eyebrow quirks.

"Did you really think I'd say no?"

"Shut up," he grumbles. "I've never asked anyone to stay the night before."

"That doesn't surprise me; you don't have any friends, after all." Junmyeon moves to swat him but he ducks out of the way in time with a snort. "I'm honoured, then."

"You better be. Ungrateful brat."

Sehun closes the distance between them and presses a kiss onto Junmyeon's cheek in an attempt to sweeten him up. Junmyeon glances at him from his peripheral vision.

"Kiss me again and I might consider forgiving you."

With a roll of his eyes, Sehun takes his face in his hands and softly kisses his lips, melting into his touch as Junmyeon's hand strokes up his back. There's no heat behind it due to their tiredness, but the tenderness is enough to light a fire in Sehun's stomach. Despite their rocky start, he's never felt safer with someone as he does with Junmyeon.

"I think I'm gonna call it a night," Junmyeon says as they eventually pull away. "Do you want to shower and stuff? I can probably find you some clothes."

"Unless you've grown four inches since you sat down then I don't think anything of yours will fit me."

"Shut up, stringbean," Junmyeon shoves his shoulder. "I'm way bulkier than you."

"To make up for the lack of height."

"It's a shame you can't go to the gym and work on that personality of yours."

"Big talk for a little man."

"I should never have introduced you to my grandma."

They stand up in unison and head for the spiral staircase, Junmyeon two steps ahead as he leads the younger man through his apartment. Sehun has never entered the second level of Junmyeon's home, feeling a weird surge of excitement at the prospect of becoming more familiar with the immaculate decor and Junmyeon's personal belongings. The lower floor of the apartment is more aesthetically pleasing as opposed to cozy, making it difficult to get a grasp on what Junmyeon's style truly is.

While they're walking up the stairs, Junmyeon tells Sehun that there's two guest bedrooms with a bathroom at the end of the hall he's welcome to use. Sehun slaps his ass to cease the nervous blabbering, causing Junmyeon to trip over a stair with a squeak. He throws a glare over his shoulder, greeted by Sehun's innocent smile.

"What if I'm too scared to sleep on my own?"

"That's right, I forgot you're scared of the dark. I suppose you can sleep in my room if you keep your hands to yourself."

The younger man pulls a face. "Where's the fun in that?"

Surprisingly, Junmyeon's bedroom is just as bare as the rest of the apartment; all white furnishings, glossy marble and minimalist decorations. The only breathtaking feature is the floor-to-ceiling window, identical to the one in the lounge. Sehun tries not to show his disappointment at the older man's bland taste. He supposes that Junmyeon spends such little time here there isn't much point making it a home. An overwhelming wave of sadness washes over him, staring at the back of Junmyeon's head pityingly. Luckily his back is turned so he doesn't notice.

"You can shower first," the older man tells him. "I need to call Jongdae so I'll probably be on the phone for the next three hours."

"Does he not realise there's a newfangled twenty-first century invention called a text?"

"He's just doing his job thoroughly. You could do to take a page out of his book."

"If I'm ever that much of a busybody just push me off a cliff."

"Sehun!" Junmyeon scolds, choking on a laugh. "Get in the shower before I change my mind."

"See you in five years when your phone call is over."

He saunters into the bathroom with Junmyeon's fresh clothes in his hands, placing them on the counter as he quickly undresses and fiddles with the settings on the shower. Junmyeon has his water much too cold for Sehun's liking, it needs to scald his skin before he even considers stepping inside. As he sticks his hand under the faucet, he hears the low rumble of Junmyeon's voice in the other room, causing him to smile. It feels so domestic- so peaceful. Sehun could get used to this. He knows Junmyeon wouldn't be opposed to the company either. 

As he stands beneath the showerhead lathering shampoo into his hair (even Junmyeon's shower products are designer and disgustingly expensive, who knew Dior did sugar scrubs) he wonders if this could ever be his future; living with Junmyeon, coexisting in the same space, coming home after a long day of work to only spend the night together too. It sounds idyllic until he realises they would probably be susceptible to even more squabbles if they spent every waking hour of the day together. Seeing that much of your partner isn't healthy, it leads to all sorts of issues. Sehun has witnessed it first hand with his friends and seen how much damage it leaves in the aftermath.

Would he have to leave his job, or would he and Junmyeon have to continue living separate lives to make it work? Sehun was already warned about the risks of workplace relationships before working for Junmyeon. Hell, it was always on his mind when he came to the realisation he was indeed falling for his boss, telling himself this is an attempt to snap out of it- for this exact reason. If you part ways, what then? Things become messy and one party always ends up suffering. In this situation it would obviously be Sehun.

He doesn't want to be plagued with such morbid thoughts but it's a valid concern. Especially with how volatile he and Junmyeon's relationship can get. They're in the honeymoon stage now, but it won't always be like that; reality will soon set in, making things difficult. What happens when they're arguing about things like bills, broken promises and failed commitments?

This, Sehun quickly realises, is why he's avoided relationships at all costs. 

Perhaps it's wrong of him to rule things out with Junmyeon this quickly, though no one could fault him for his obvious concern. Albeit they're not in a proper relationship, things keep advancing quickly forward and before Sehun knows it he'll be getting swept away. He must remember to keep his head at all times, no matter how much he may adore the older man. Protecting his heart will remain the top priority.

When Sehun eventually steps back into the bedroom, still towelling his hair, he's surprised to see that Junmyeon's phone call with his manager has already ended.

"I cut it short," Junmyeon admits sheepishly under Sehun's inquisitive stare. "I told him I have company."

"I can already tell him and Minseok are despairing over your next scandal."

"As far as scandals go; it is a pretty impressive one," Junmyeon grins, somehow finding humour in it. "Kim Junmyeon: not only gay but in cahoots with his personal assistant."

"Bodyguard," Sehun corrects. "Did you not read the erotica your fans wrote about us?"

Junmyeon grimaces. "No I did not. I hope you didn't either."

"Of course not," Sehun says quickly, trying not to look shifty. "Anyway the bathroom is free."

The older man stands up and stretches, bones cracking accordingly. Before Sehun can make a joke about old age, he sharply tells him not to comment, as if he can read his mind. Sehun motions zipping his lips together, looking innocent. With a shake of his head, Junmyeon tells him to get comfy and that he won't be long.

The most luxurious part of Junmyeon's bedroom is without a doubt the king-size bed; with it's huge white leather headboard, expensive memory foam mattress and goose-down pillows and duvet. It's like reclining on a cloud. Sehun isn't used to such extravagance. Now he knows why Jongin chose to date a celebrity for all this time. Sehun can look past the sneaking around, lack of privacy and clashing schedules if he gets to sleep in a bed like this more often.

To while away the time, Sehun scrolls through his phone to catch up on what he's missed today, not having checked since before Junmyeon picked him up early this morning. Obviously his friends have spammed the group chat with hundreds of messages (do they not have jobs and other engagements?), his social media is dry and his email inbox is oddly barren. He's not complaining. Despite having caught up with the majority of work over the Christmas break, there's always something more that needs doing in regards to Junmyeon. 

The group chat is going berserk when Sehun explains the reason for his absence, telling Jongin he won't be home tonight. Baekhyun is midway typing a huge paragraph when Sehun mutes the conversation and locks his phone because Junmyeon has just walked in. He's wearing a blue checkered pyjama set that makes him look adorably small and sleepy.

With a sigh of relief, he throws himself into bed beside Sehun and buries his face in the fluffy pillows. Sehun glances down at him in amusement, poking his shoulder to elicit some kind of response.

"Turn the lamp off," he requests. "I'm too tired."

Sehun leans across him to click it off, plunging the room into darkness. He slides down under the duvet, closing his eyes as he feels Junmyeon rustling beside him in an attempt to get comfortable.

"How many pillows would you like between us?" Junmyeon asks.

"Two, and a barbed wire fence."

"How many guard towers?"

"Four, one for each corner of the bed."

"Going all out with the security, aren't we?"

"Well, we all know certain parties can't keep their hands to themselves."

After a moment of silence Junmyeon says, "Come here."

Closing the space between them, Sehun scoots over until he finds Junmyeon. He curls around the older man's body, throwing a long arm over his torso and places his head on his muscular chest. He can feel Junmyeon's heartbeat thundering against his ribcage, causing him to smile in the dark.

"What's wrong, never shared a bed with a man before?"

"Shut up, you," Junmyeon grumbles, wrapping his arm around Sehun's shoulder and resting his other hand atop Sehun's own, as if holding it in place.

"Are you comfy?" He asks the younger man.

Sehun sighs contentedly. "Yeah. You?" 

"Never been better." 

Both men fall into silence as sleep tugs at their eyelids, weighing down their subconcious. Sehun is lulled to sleep by Junmyeon's rhythmic breathing and the gentle rise and fall of his chest. His final lucid thought is that he doesn't think he's ever been this happy in his life. 

Notes:

i finally updated, can you believe it :O

i hope you've all been safe and healthy and enjoy this chapter of pure fluff as an apology for not updating! <3

Chapter 31: Chapter Thirty-One

The following couple of weeks pass in blissful serenity, a continuation of the time they spent together over Christmas vacation. Things don’t change once they get back to work, like Sehun feared they would; nobody suspects him and Junmyeon’s new relationship, no one knows about their heavy involvement with one another over Christmas- how would they? They carry on as normal, sneaking away for private conversations at regular intervals but they don’t dare do anything more risky, both agreeing it isn’t appropriate in a work environment. Instead of finding the deceit stressful, Sehun finds it enjoyable; it’s a small price to pay for Junmyeon finally being his. 

With the excuse of work becoming busier, Sehun has a valid excuse to stay over at Junmyeon’s apartment more often, telling Jongin that they’re staying on set because of the irregular shooting hours. His roommate doesn’t suspect a thing. Deceiving Jongin is the only thing that makes Sehun’s stomach squirm with guilt, no matter how much Junmyeon tells him to relax. After all, if it wasn’t for Jongin’s encouragement then Sehun wouldn’t have found the courage to confront Junmyeon in the first place. 

Sehun doesn’t have time to worry about whether him and Junmyeon are moving too fast, since he’s basically living with the older man for the time being, because work is so hectic he doesn’t have a spare moment to dwell on it; his whole life revolves around running after Junmyeon, ensuring he gets from A to B and responding to emails. Even at Junmyeon’s apartment they interact very little, showering and collapsing into bed and falling asleep straight away. Sehun dreads the day this arrangements ends because he doesn’t think he'll ever be able to sleep not in Junmyeon’s arms again. 

The beatitude doesn’t last long. It never does. 

On one of the rare nights they have been released from set early (it’s moved now to a large studio on the outskirts of the city, amongst warehouses and other recording studios), they’re reclining on Junmyeon’s couch catching up on a drama the older man has been nagging to watch for ages. Sehun has his head on Junmyeon’s lap as he watches halfheartedly, making the sporadic sarcastic comment while Junmyeon pointedly ignores him, running his hands subconsciously through the younger man’s hair and massaging his scalp. The ministrations are enough to almost send him to sleep. 

Junmyeon’s phone vibrates on the coffee table. This isn't odd, Junmyeon is a celebrity after all so his phone constantly goes off with notifications throughout the day and constantly through the night- his famous peers don’t sleep, apparently. Thinking nothing more of it, he leans over Sehun to grab the device and check who it is. He only picks it up quickly because he thinks it might be Kyungsoo, the pair are trying to find a free evening in both of their calendars to try out a new barbecue place that has been on their bucket list for a while. 

Junmyeon’s eyes widen, heart dropping to the marble floor when he reads the unrecognised number and the person who sent it. Someone he thought he would never have to speak to again.

It doesn’t take long for Sehun to pick up on his discomfort, feeling the older man stiffen in horror beneath him. Inclining his head to look over his shoulder, Sehun frowns upon seeing Junmyeon’s expression. He looks like he’s just seen a ghost- or one has texted him. 

“Are you okay?”

Junmyeon coughs subtly, having momentarily forgotten Sehun was there. “I’m fine.”

“Who is it?” Sehun doesn’t like the way the older man hesitates, filling him with cold dread. 

“It’s Yoona.”

“Yoona?” Repeats Sehun, the name not registering at first. Realisation rapidly dawns of him. “Your ex girlfriend?” 

“Yeah.”

Sehun relaxes, turning his attention back to the TV. “What does she want?”

“She wants to meet up while she’s back in the city. She has a free evening next week.”

“Don’t you want to go?”

Junmyeon shuffles uncomfortably. “Wouldn’t you find it awkward meeting up with an ex?”

“Not really, considering your ex was a beard.”

Junmyeon opens his mouth to protest, before closing it shut with a snap. Weirdly, the younger man has a point. He never loved Yoona, though he cared for deeply, so technically it shouldn’t be unpleasant between them. Enough time has passed for Yoona to get over him, perhaps this is why she wants to meet up? Junmyeon did promise they could still be friends in the aftermath, he was just lucky their schedules made regular meetings and communication difficult. In the seven years since they have parted company, Junmyeon has only seen her twice; both times at work functions where they briefly greeted one another, complimented each other on their hard work before being whisked away again. 

Seven years is a long time, too long to still be in love with someone. While Junmyeon never reciprocated her feelings, he knows that Yoona loved him perhaps too much; only making their break up harder. Junmyeon felt dirty and dishonest for not telling her the truth, fabricating a shoddy lie as an excuse to be rid of her when she deserved so much more- deserved someone better than him.  

But bygones are bygones, and obviously she must still want to make amends for her to offer this. She’s never forgotten about Junmyeon, so shouldn’t he meet her halfway out of respect? He always liked her personality, she’s one of the only people in the world who Junmyeon truly enjoys their company. Meeting up, with all the years in between them and the past behind them, wouldn’t be a bad idea, right? He could easily use the excuse that he’s too busy but he doesn’t want to. Part of him actually wants to meet her, to catch up and see how she’s been. Just because Junmyeon wasn’t attracted to her doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. 

“Would you be mad?” Junmyeon asks, sounding pathetic. 

Sehun snorts. “Unless you’re actually straight and this is all some method acting for your next role, then no. Go and see her. It’ll be nice.” 

“Yeah, you’re right,” Junmyeon agrees, the tension dissipating from his muscles. “It’s not like she’ll be in town for long. What’s the worst that could happen?”

***

On the day Junmyeon arranges to meet Yoona, Sehun takes his own car into work since Junmyeon will be leaving earlier than him. When he told Jongin he would be at home tonight, his best friend was ecstatic and promised they could have dinner together since it’s apparently been too long since they last did that. Sehun remembers how their last dinner went, still finding it hard to believe how his life has altered so drastically in the space of a month. 

All day long, Junmyeon’s nerves are eating him alive, regardless of how Sehun tells him to calm down. He can’t pinpoint why he’s so worked up over it; him and Yoona’s past is long gone- dead and buried- there’s no fear of either of them developing feelings again. Junmyeon supposes it’s the guilt, having to face her after lying to her. He feels like he should explain himself but it’s hardly tactful, especially when he’s so reluctant to come out anyway. Would admitting this to Yoona of all people really be wise? Junmyeon, while still caring about her, doesn’t know if she can be trusted. 

It’s better to leave it all unsaid. He’ll do his utmost best to steer the conversation away from their past if it gets brought up, there’s no point dwelling on something that can’t be changed. Besides, it isn’t like there aren't other things they can talk about; a lot has happened to both of them over the past seven years that still needs to be talked about. Their relationship in university is so insignificant in comparison. 

Despite repeating this to himself all day, his nerves still aren’t fully settled. In a moment of pure panic he considers asking Sehun to accompany him for moral support, willing to admit everything to Yoona if only the younger man is there to support him; before common sense gets the better of him. It wouldn’t be fair on either Sehun or Yoona. Junmyeon is just going to stop being a coward.

At the end of the day he reluctantly says goodbye to Sehun, kissing him in the privacy of his trailer as his assistant collects his belongings as well. Junmyeon can’t spare any more time if he wants to get home and make it to dinner on time, but he’s reluctant to leave Sehun on set on his own; even though he’s made more friends than Junmyeon has. 

“Go,” Sehun firmly shoos him away after the older man wheedles for his third (and supposedly final) kiss. “You’re going to be late.” 

“We could go back to my place and order takeout instead?” He suggests, voice taking a hopeful lilt. 

The younger man shakes his head firmly. “No way. I’ve got a date of my own to go to.”

“It’s not a date!” Junmyeon protests as Sehun shoves him out of the door, slamming it shut pointedly behind him. Junmyeon tries the handle in vain, but there is a click from the other alerting him Sehun has locked him out. 

With little other choice, he rounds his shoulders and begins walking to his car with the air of a defeated martyr. 

***

Sehun wakes up the next morning with an excitable fluttering in his stomach, as he has been doing every morning since him and Junmyeon got together. The prospect of seeing the older man at work is enough to brighten his mood and make his day before it has even begun yet. Because of how busy they both are, time together is precious so Sehun finds himself looking forward to work now, seeing as it’s the only way they can see each other. 

Rolling over and reaching for his phone, his face immediately drops and his good mood rapidly plummets into sourness. 

The first thing he registers is the text from Jongdae that came through a mere three minutes ago, instructing him to detour by the company building before heading onto set. Sehun doesn’t know what occurred while he was asleep, but his throat closes up with dread nonetheless. He doesn’t even check his inbox to see what Junmyeon has said to him, he wants to find the cause of this disturbance first. 

It doesn’t take long. As soon as he clicks onto Twitter it’s there, at the top of the trending page with a photo to accompany it. Of Junmyeon with his arm protectively slung over Yoona’s shoulder, trying to shield her from the paparazzi lurking outside the restaurant. ‘Junmyeon And Yoona’ is the number one trend, ‘Junmyeon’ being the second and ‘Yoona’ being the third. ‘Dating’ is right down at number six which Sehun finds amusing, in a sick sort of way. 

Closing his eyes in defeat, he flops down onto his pillow and stares blankly at the ceiling. Obviously he knows the allegations aren’t true, that doesn’t mean he wants to deal with the consequences of Junmyeon’s idiotic actiosn. Why is he such a disgusting gentleman? Why couldn’t he have just sent her home in a cab instead? This is exactly the type of Prince Charming scenario he always gets roped into. Sehun is beginning to think he likes it. 

Sensing a long day is ahead of him, Sehun drags himself out of bed and makes a beeline for the coffee percolator. 

***

“It’s not true,” is the first thing Junmyeon greets him with as they meet up in the lobby.

“Obviously,” Sehun snorts, handing him a cardboard cup of coffee.

Junmyeon goes so lax in relief that Sehun is scared he’s going to melt into a puddle. “That’s a relief. I thought you were going to be mad.”

“Obviously I’m annoyed ,” Sehun says, heading towards the elevator. “For a completely different reason. You need to stop being such a good person, it’d save you a lot less stress in the long run.”

Junmyeon groans. “I know, I know. I felt so bad for her. She was telling me about how her boyfriend broke up with her and she was feeling so low that she just wanted to see a familiar face; I don’t think it was about me at all, she just wanted company. I couldn’t just let her go back to her hotel alone. She tried to get me to stay but I said no.”

“You don’t have to explain yourself,” he cuts him off. “I trust you.”

“But I do need to explain,” expresses Junmyeon. “You know I wouldn’t do something that dumb after last time- Jongdae and Minseok made sure I learned my lesson there- but I felt so awful. Like… I was obligated.”

“That’s probably how she wanted you to feel.”

Instead of arguing, Junmyeon rubs the back of his nkec. “Maybe you’re right.” 

“In light of your stupidity I’m loathed to say I’m worried for you,” Sehun says. “But I am. In this instance you really don’t deserve to be punished. But Jongdae sounds mad .” 

“Tell me about it,” the older man winces. “You didn't wake up to twenty voicemails of him shouting down the phone at you.” 

“One thing is for certain,” Sehun remarks as the elevator jerks to a stop on the designated floor. “It can’t be as bad as last time.”

“Oh really? How did you figure that out?”

“Because,” the younger man says, bending down to kiss him before the doors slide open. “You have me now.” 

Junmyeon smiles up at him gratefully, head swimming with the sudden, dizzying rush of affection he feels for his personal assistant. He’s right. Junmyeon isn’t alone anymore; he has someone to fall back on, a shoulder to cry on, someone to ease the burden. Although he should be meek and ashamed for causing such an outcry, it’s totally outweighed by his feelings for Sehun. 

They can’t walk into the meeting room with linked hands, but before they enter, Sehun subtly brushes the back of Junmyeon’s hands with his fingers which gives him a sudden burst of confidence. Whatever is waiting behind this door, he can handle it with Sehun by his side. They’re on the same team now. 

All of the staff members are already inside, having been anticipating his arrival all morning. It feels like deja vu; Jongdae sits at the head of the conference table, empty seats on either side of him for Junmyeon and Sehun. As opposed to last time, there are a lot more people present. Junmyeon feels sick when he recognises a few of them from Yoona’s agency, judging by the badges on their expensive suit jackets. Nobody looks at them as they take their seats, somehow being ignored is more unnerving than being scrutinised. 

As Junmyeon sits down, he makes brief eye contact with Minseok who flashes him a small sympathetic smile. He repricorates the action with Sehun, a silent reminder that he’s on their side. 

“Here we are again,” Jongdae begins sarcastically. “Just when I thought you’d learnt your lesson. You never disappoint, Junmyeon.” 

The man in question keeps his eyes fixated on the shiny wooden tabletop, not daring to look up. Sehun, on the other hand, stares hard into Jongdae’s side profile. The way he talks to Junmyeon makes his skin crawl; like he’s a fool that doesn’t deserve respect. 

“It’s not as bad as we expected,” Minseok speaks up on his friend’s behalf. “The public are actually saying lots of nice things about you both, even your fans seem pleased about it.”

“There are worse people to be seen with than the Nation’s Sweetheart,” Jongdae remarks. “You two are a good match, that’s why people are so happy. If they have to lose you to anyone, apparently they’re glad it’s her.” 

Sehun purses his lips, falling backwards into his chair and crossing his arms. Minseok offers him a tiny, sympathetic smile. Even though they haven’t announced their arrangement of their friends, they all have a pretty good idea of what is going on between him and Junmyoen. Minseok is one of the only people in the world who knows Junmyeon is gay, and that his encounter with Yoona was strictly platonic. The others have no idea. 

“If there’s something going on between you both, it needs to be out in the open now so we know how to handle it,” one of Yoona’s staff says.

Junmyeon fiddles with the hem of his hoodie, Sehun can see the cogs working in his mind. Is he debating telling them the truth? No, impossible. There’s no way Junmyeon would announce something like that at a time like this, especially not with Yoona’s representatives in the room. 

“We met up as friends,” he eventually says. 

Jongdae arches an eyebrow. “What we’re trying to say is; will this happen again? Will you be spotted together in public?”

“I-I don’t know? We’re friends so obviously we’ll stay in touch with each other-”

“Just answer the question, Junmyeon,” someone who Sehun doesn’t recognise sighs. What gives them the right to talk to him like that? They don’t even know him. 

He inhales deeply, steeling himself. “Yes. There’s a possibility we may be spotted in public together. But I’m not disclosing any other part of our relationship, that’s between us.”

Sehun is proud of how well he held himself under such duress, managing to assert his dominance over the staff trying to wear him down. A year ago, Junmyeon would have crumbled under their steely stares and intrusive questions; today, he holds himself assuredly. He doesn’t even need Sehun’s back-up. 

“We’ll start drafting the statements then,” one of Yoona’s men mutters. 

Jongdae sighs. “Why can’t you try and make our jobs a bit easier, Junmyeon? Work with us here.”

“We’ve only met up once as friends!” He snaps. “How am I supposed to know what will happen?”

“You were together once,” his manager points out. “People don’t tend to meet up with their exes unless they want something more from them.”

Junmyeon remains silent, staring hard at the table as his nostrils flare. Sehun desperately wants him to assure everyone that it isn’t like that, that nothing will ever blossom between them, so this situation won’t get needlessly complicated in the future. He could nip it all in the bud now, firmly stating him and Yoona meet up as a one off (but didn’t he just say they might meet up again in the future? He failed to mention this to Sehun) and that nothing will escalate, so he will be let off with nothing more than a scolding and they can put the whole incident behind them. 

But he doesn’t. Sehun can’t understand what’s going through his mind. Why doesn’t he end  this?

Just when he thought Junmyeon had finally found his nerve, that he was no longer content with being pushed around, he goes and proves that his cowardly streak will never be truly eradicated.

Sehun interprets this as a bad omen. 

***

Junmyeon notices that Sehun is uncharacteristically quiet after the meeting, not speaking the whole ride over to the studio and not even bidding Junmyeon goodbye when he has to go into hair and makeup- this never happens. Not recently, anyway. Obviously the older man knows he’s distancing himself because of what was discussed during the meeting, and no matter how much he reflects on their time in the boardroom, going over every interaction with a fine tooth comb and trying to locate the source of Sehun’s wrath, he draws a blank. It must be because of him and Yoona’s newfound friendship, but the younger man was the one who encouraged Junmyeon to go; he would've been happy deleting the text and pretending he never received it. And Sehun knows he is gay, so really, what can be disturbing him this much?

It’s difficult to concentrate on set that day, resulting in Junmyeon getting scolded multiple times by coworkers and production members. Even Jisoo, with the patience of a saint, pulls him to the side and demands to know what he’s playing at. Junmyeon doesn’t want to lose his grip so easily, hating that Sehun has such a tight grip on him, but he can’t help it; his obsession with the younger man is becoming borderline unhealthy. 

Sehun avoids him over lunch, leaving a note in the trailer claiming that he has some phone calls to make that need doing in private, Junmyeon doesn’t know enough about his assistant’s schedule to dispute it so he eats with Joohyun and Jisoo; letting their chatter about a new true crime documentary wash right over him. 

He sends Sehun multiple texts, begging to know what’s wrong with him and if there’s anything he can do to rectify it. He doesn’t care what he’s supposedly done, he just wants to get it sorted as quickly as possible. Being on the receiving end of Sehun’s cold shoulder is driving him insane.

Sehun: We’ll talk tonight. Go back to work.

Junmyeon wants to think his words are playfully stern, yet something tells him they’re much harsher. Sighing in resignation, he locks his phone and slides it into his back pocket, knowing it’s an ample time to give up. Now he just has to get through the remainder of the day, but the end is hours away and he doesn’t know if he has the mental fortitude to wait that long. 

As it turns out, the day passes by much quicker than Junmyeon originally anticipated. Before the director has even finished yelling ‘cut!’ on the final scene of the day, he’s scurrying away so fast that dust clouds behind him. Jaehyun and Jisoo exchange perplexed glances, wondering what could possibly be so important that he dashed away without saying goodbye. That isn't like him at all, usually he’s so polite that he bows and thanks all the staff and team members before bidding them a good night and leaving. 

“Maybe he’s going to see Yoona?” Jaehyun suggests. 

Jisoo knows better than to correct him. “Maybe.” 

The person who is in fact waiting for him, anxiously chews his thumbnail as he waits for Junmyeon to arrive at the car. They carpooled together today and he’s starting to realise now it was a bad idea. This impending conversation would probably be easier over the phone, where he can’t see Junmyeon’s face; because Sehun too is prone to bouts of cowardice, regardless of how much he berates the older man for it. 

“I came as fast as I could,” Junmyeon pants as soon as he throws open the door, not even bothering to greet his assistant. “So what’s up? And don’t try and stall, this has been killing me all day.”

“So dramatic,” grumbles Sehun, rolling his eyes. “Guilty conscience?”

“Don’t be childish right now.” 

“I'm not , you’re the one making a big deal out of nothing.”

“It’s not nothing though, is it? Something has been bugging you all day and I want to know. We’re meant to be meeting each other halfway, Sehun. I can’t help you if you keep clamming up on me.” 

A few moments of silence ensue as Sehun concentrates on reversing out of the parking lot, Junmyeon’s eyes never leave his side profile, burning with sincerity and earnest. He doesn’t deserve this man.

“I’m worried about you, that’s all,” he admits quietly, glad he can keep his focus on the road so he doesn’t have to make eye contact with Junmyeon. 

“Worried?” The older man repeats, bewildered. “How so?” 

“You’re too nice a person sometimes,” explains Sehun. “You get wrapped up in these situations because you’re too kind and won’t put your foot down. Last night could have been avoided if you’d told her no-”

Junmyeon frowns and says, “I couldn’t let her go home on her own!”

“Exactly,” Sehun rolls his eyes, his words proving his point. “I just have a bad feeling this is going to keep happening and spiral out of control.”

“How could that happen?”

Sehun intakes a deep breath, readying himself for the words hee has been mulling over all day; he didn't want to consider this at all but he may as well get it out in the open. After all, they’re supposed to be totally honest with each other. 

“I don’t want her becoming your beard.” 

The inside of the car goes deadly silent. Sehun’s heart constricts tighter with every second that Junmyeon remains quiet. He should be protesting, telling Sehun that this fear is ridiculous and that it’ll never come to that- that he cares too much about their relationship to live a double life like that. 

Why isn’t he saying anything? 

“That’s what you’re hoping, isn’t it?”

“No, Sehun!” Junmyeon’s voice comes out much louder than intended. Sehun can’t help but wince. “You’re… that’s not going to happen. I’m not that stupid.” 

Sehun doesn’t explicitly argue against this. “I just thought… maybe you’d think it’s the perfect solution since you’re not comfortable with coming out. That if you could show the world you with Yoona then you’d feel less guilty about being with me.” 

“Sehun,” Junmyeon says softly, heart breaking into a million pieces. Does the younger man really think that little of him? Is he really that insecure about their relationship? “I wouldn’t do that to you. Ever. You’re all I’ve wanted for so long, do you really think I’d give you up that easily?”

The younger man lifts a shoulder up in a shrug. “I never know what’s going on in that head of yours.” 

“Well it’s definitely not that . Yoona and I are just friends and that’s how we’re going to stay.”

“What if she wants something more? What will you tell her then?”

“That I have someone else,” he says firmly, reaching out and putting his hand on Sehun’s thigh and squeezing reassuringly. “I don’t want this to end. Being with you is the happiest I’ve been in my life.”

“Now you’re just going overboard to get back in my good books.”

Junmyeon grins hopefully. “Is it working?” 

Sehun hums in contemplation. “Order pizza tonight and it might.”

“Anything else, Your Highness?”

“And a back massage.” 

Junmyeon sighs. He supposes it’s a small price to pay to keep Sehun happy.

Chapter 32: Chapter Thirty-Two

"There's this new Thai place that's opened near our apartment. Jongin and Kyungsoo said it was really good when they got takeout the other night. Wanna go on Saturday?"

Sehun glances up from his phone to look at Junmyeon who is laid beside him reading, wire glasses perched on the end of his nose. There is a knot of concentration in between his eyebrows and his teeth are poking above his bottom lip, deeply engrossed in the story. One of Junmyeon's nighttime routines is to read a chapter of whatever book he's currently reading, he claims it keeps him grounded and relaxed. Sehun spends his time switching his attention between his phone and staring at the older man, quietly admiring his beauty in his peripheral vision.

Junmyeon reaches for his bookmark and sets the book down on his nightstand. "Saturday?" He repeats, still looking confused, like he engaged in conversation before his brain was ready. "I can't, I have plans."

Sehun arches a questioning eyebrow. Since him and Junmyeon's life is basically one in the same, basically attached at the hip, for Junmyeon to have plans but not divulge them is very strange indeed; he must either not want Sehun to know or is feeling sheepish about them. And there is only one topic of contention that could cause such a reaction.

"You're seeing Yoona," the younger man states, knowing it's not a question.

"It isn't by choice. My parents- well, you know how they are."

Sehun knows all too well. The fact that the Kim's would rather play Happy Families with Junmyeon's ex girlfriend than make a conscious effort to make amends with Sehun (not that Junmyeon would dare tell them what was going on between them) speaks volumes. Over the past few weeks Sehun has learnt his place, though it wasn't done maliciously, the older man has made it clear where his priorities lie. He would rather live in a façade than risk people finding out the truth.

At first, Sehun tried to be understanding; Junmyeon made it clear from the start he was uncomfortable with his sexuality and would need time before he could fully relax- that Sehun can deal with- but whatever the hell he's doing with Yoona is a lot easy to navigate. There's no need for Sehun to be jealous or insecure because he knows Junmyeon would never choose her over him, he completely trusts the older man about this, so it feels wrong for Sehun to get so worked up over it; it only makes him look bitter. The last thing he wants to do is make a fuss and cause Junmyeon to get frustrated when he already has so much on his plate.

Living two separate lives is very stressful.

"Okay," Sehun shrugs, ignoring how cold the blood in his veins suddenly feels. It stings even more that Junmyeon doesn't even pick up on how hurt he is, picking his book back up and remaining oblivious. "We can go some other time."

"Sure," the older man echoes, though Sehun has lost him. He's back giving his undivided attention to the pages under his nose.

Sehun rolls over and turns his lamp off, burrowing into his pillow and squeezing his eyes shut. Maybe if he'd put up more of a fight then the issue could've been resolved, he could've put his foot down and told Junmyeon he couldn't continue living like this- an ultimatum is the only way things will ever be solved. Yes it may seem harsh and Junmyeon would undoubtedly call him unfair, but at least he would have to make a decision.

Sehun has been faced with many battles before, and this is perhaps the most unwinnable one. So he continues to remain silent, only hoping that a solution will offer itself up before things become unrepairable.

*** 

Junmyeon doesn't notice Sehun gradually becoming more distant, on account of the fact his life is so hectic he doesn't have time to focus on anything else apart from work and whatever is next on his schedule. He doesn't notice how withdrawn the younger man is, how reluctant he is to talk or offer smiles. Nowadays all Junmyeon has the time to do is ask if he's okay and give him a quick peck on the cheek before he's whisked away again. Things won't always be this chaotic, it's only for the time being while they rush to get this portion of the drama filmed before the deadline, everything will have calmed down in a few weeks and that's when Junmyeon will begin to make amends.

Sehun doesn't miss the irony that the only person Junmyeon can truly make time for is his ex girlfriend, sacrificing his only day off in weeks to take her to his parents house. Sehun can't dwell on it too much or it enrages him, and in fear of starting a fight and saying something he regrets, he must keep quiet. Despite how he may currently feel, he doesn't want to lose Junmyeon over something so futile. In six months it'll all be a distant memory, this is the only way Sehun can deal with it.

The Friday before Junmyeon is due to meet Yoona, Sehun is in a terrible mood; he snaps at anyone who tries to address him, scares three staff members and throws his coffee to the ground in a fit of rage, only more irate when it splashes onto his expensive leather shoes. He warns the other assistants to not tell Junmyeon and they nod obediently, wide-eyed and fearful.

By lunchtime he feels wrung out and lifeless, unable to do anything but droop over his makeshift desk and bury his head in his hands, sighing so heftily it wracks his body. Junmyeon has taken his lunch to-go since he's so busy, only consuming Sehun in even more loneliness. The only time he ever got to see Junmyeon was at work but even that is becoming a rarity. Sehun hasn't even stayed over at his apartment for the last three days. He's undecided whether his bad mood is because of the situation or Junmyeon withdrawals.

When someone knocks on the trailer door, Sehun doesn't have the energy to respond, hoping if he remains silent then whoever is coming to bother him will go away, leaving him to wallow in self-pity.

"Is this the Heartbreak Hotel?" Jisoo asks, sticking her head around the door.

"Sehun speaking," he grumbles without looking up. "How may I help?"

"Thought you could use some company since your beloved is busy," she says, pulling a chair over to sit opposite him. She places a carton of kung pao chicken down in front of him, the smell is enough to make him eventually rear his head. "I assumed you were too busy moping to get lunch so I brought you some."

"Thanks," he says weakly, tearing off the plastic lid and ripping the chopsticks apart. "And I wasn't moping."

"So you made the interns cry this morning because you were so chipper?" Jisoo rolls her eyes. "You've been moping all week, you look like a little ghost. What's up?"

"Nothing," he mumbles. "Just been a busy week."

"Tell me about it. I fell asleep on the weight bench at the gym last night. Still, at least we get the weekend off. Do you and Jun have any plans?"

Sehun toys with the rice in his carton, not daring to meet her eye. Her question was innocuous and there's no way she could know what's happened between them this week, it's just Sehun's conscious turning him sheepish. Admitting it feels like accepting defeat, declaring it aloud only makes him sound more pathetic because he knows he should be doing something to stop it. Jisoo would laugh in his face if she found out.

"He's seeing family this weekend."

"Have you two had another argument? This might be the longest you've ever gone without one."

Sehun shakes his head, unsure of how to choose his next words. "Nothing like that."

"That's good. It'd be a shame if you were." Jisoo takes a sip of water. "How are you guys these days? I mean, I know it's difficult right now but in general."

Because of how close both Junmyeon and Sehun are with Jisoo, she is the only one outside their immediate friendship group who knows about what transpired between them over Christmas and was ecstatic on their behalf, claiming it was about time they confessed their obvious feelings and finally got together. It's hard to imagine that Sehun was once on cloud nine about all of this- that was only a few weeks ago. How have things turned sour so quickly? Are him and Junmyeon just not destined to work out?

"It's great," he says, trying his hardest to sound upbeat but knowing he sounds miserable. Junmyeon is the actor in their relationship.

Jisoo frowns. "So something did happen." Like with the status of their relationship, Jisoo is also one of the only people who knows the truth behind Junmyeon and Yoona's sudden reconciliation. While other people on set think that Junmyeon is now dating his ex girlfriend again, she knows better.

"I think you already know what it is."

She sighs heftily. "I'm surprised you've kept quiet about it for so long. You must have the patience of a saint."

"Not really, I just know it isn't my place."

"How?"

"We're not even officially together, I have no ownership of him and because he isn't cheating on me it's not like I can stop him hanging out with a friend. That makes me look terrible."

"No, he's using Yoona as a beard to get everyone off his back because he's too scared about being outed." Sehun winces and Jisoo shrugs. "Sorry, but you know that's the bottom line of it. He's living as two separate people and it isn't fair on you."

"He's taking her to see his parents this weekend," Sehun adds quietly, realising he may as well get everything out in the open so he can hear Jisoo's opinion on it. She's one of the smartest people he knows, she'll no doubt have a solution.

She makes a noise of frustration in the back of her throat. "Don't you think that's taking it too far? You need to say something before this spirals out of control. How long will it be before Yoona wants to get back with him for real? She doesn't know he's gay, right?"

Sehun shakes his head. "If that happened then I assume he'd just be honest with her- there'd be no other way around it. I never thought of it like that but I guess he is leading her on."

"Exactly, and to what end? Just so the paparazzi and his parents get off his back? It's ridiculous." Jisoo intakes a deep breath. "Jun is one of my best friends but I hate that he's doing all of this. He needs to be put in his place, made to realise that this is wrong- for everyone involved, not just you. He has to realise where his loyalties lie."

"With me, obviously," Sehun says, with absolutely no conviction. He doesn't even know why he said that, it didn't make him feel better and only made him look more pitiable. Jisoo leans over to pat his hand, offering him a small smile. If she continues being this kind then Sehun might just cry. This is the most he's talked to anyone in days, the first time he's gotten everything off his chest. He hadn't realised how everything had been festering within him. 

"You should talk to him about it, lay it all on the line for him," suggests Jisoo. "It's the only way. You know better than anyone that he's too dense to realise without you spelling it out for him."

That's the thing, with a normal person they would've noticed Sehun's discomfort with the situation and reevaluated their decisions, but Junmyeon hasn't given it a second thought, assuming Sehun was fine with it and taking his words at face value.

"I will," he lies. It's hard to get the words out around the lump in his throat. Sehun would rather carry on in misery than have to approach Junmyeon about it.

Truthfully, he's terrified that if he makes Junmyeon choose between him or Yoona, he will pick the latter. All to save face.

For now, unless things become inherently worse, Sehun will put it off for as long as possible. Who knows, maybe things will improve from here?

Time. He just needs more time.

***

To make matters worse, Sehun is alone all Saturday since Jongin is spending the day and night with Taemin, going bar-hopping with a large group of friends later in the evening. He extends the invite to Sehun, who lies and says he has plans at noon so he can't. Jongin will never know, he's long gone by then so he doesn't see Sehun curled up in bed scrolling aimlessly through his phone. He thinks that if he stares at his phone for long enough then he will manifest a text from Junmyeon.

To no avail. They exchanged a couple of texts this morning before Junmyeon had to go and pick Yoona up. Sehun can take solace in the fact he didn't invite her to stay at his apartment. It shouldn't feel like a victory yet with how terrible things have been lately, it does.

As if on cue, Sehun scrolls past yet another article depicting both Junmyeon and Yoona; questioning the ambiguity of their relationship, showcasing every photo that has been taken of them over the last few weeks. From his point of view, Sehun thinks it all looks fake- like Junmyeon wants them to be spotted by the paparazzi to further his point.

All the reassurance he offered Sehun about not using Yoona as his beard was all for naught. Deep down, Sehun knew it was. He just couldn't bear thinking about the alternative. And now it's happening, even more painful than he ever imagined. 

Throughout the day Sehun tries not to cast his mind to whatever Junmyeon might be doing; will they be drinking in the lounge? Will they be having dinner? Will the Kim's be fawning over Yoona around the dining table, treating her more like family than they ever have with their actual son? Sehun can't believe that after everything that Junmyeon crawls back to his family and tries so hard to seek their approval. Not even on Sehun's behalf for how they treated him last time he visited, but because of the traumatic upbringing they subjected Junmyeon to.

Like this whole situation, it's none of Sehun's business so he has no right to express his opinions. Junmyeon is a grown man in control of his own life, it isn't Sehun's responsibility nor his place to instruct him how to live. Sehun has always hated control freaks, partners who try to dictate your life, which is why he's so determined to not become one. He never wants to smother Junmyeon the way his family has done, the best thing is to give him space.

Surely he won't take things much further than this.

After Sehun has made a pitiful dinner for one, he retreats back to the sofa and sends Junmyeon a quick text asking him to let him know when he's back home safe. This isn't an unreasonable request and hopefully he will call instead of text back, meaning they can have a more in depth conversation. It's not exactly late into the evening so Sehun doesn't expect him to be home for a while yet.

Around ten pm, Sehun is embroiled in an intense game of eight ball pool with Chanyeol (his friend texting him lengthy insults in response to every good shot he makes, he was never a gracious loser) when there's a knock on the front door. Sehun presumes Jongin has staggered back home drunk, confused about where he was supposed to be spending the night. Tending to his inebriated best friend is actually an exciting prospect compared to how boring his night has been thus far. Peeling himself out of bed, he pulls on a hoodie and pads over.

The last person he expects to be greeting is Junmyeon.

"What are you doing here?" Sehun asks dumbly, refusing to accept that this is really happening- it must be a mirage.

"I wanted to see you." Junmyeon stretches on his tiptoes, peering over Sehun's shoulders. "I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"

Sehun leans against the doorframe with a sigh. "I am in a heated game of virtual snooker with Chanyeol."

"Damn, so this is where all the nightlife is on a Saturday night?"

"I wouldn't expect you to be able to keep up, old man." Sehun's eyes flicker down to the paper bag in Junmyeon's hand. "What's in the bag?"

Junmyeon grins mysteriously. "Wouldn't you like to know? Tell you what, why don't you let me in and I'll let you see what I've brought you?"

"You drive a hard bargain, Kim," Sehun says sternly, stepping to the side and letting him in anyway. As planned, Junmyeon has intrigued him enough to melt away the icy exterior that has been forming around Sehun's heart for the past few days.

(Sehun would say just one look at his smile already melted it enough, but at the risk of sounding utterly disgusting, he won't admit that.)

Junmyeon has already set the bag down in the kitchen, looking in the cutlery drawer. Sehun can't decide whether it's a good thing that he's made himself so at home- surely it should be a good sign? An indication that things are not as dire between them as they seem.

"Turn around," Junmyeon instructs, unable to wipe the smile off his face. With an exaggerated sigh that doesn't match how happy he truly is, Sehun obediently faces the wall while Junmyeon unearths whatever gift (peace offering) he's brought. Sehun's ears prick up interestedly when he hears a plastic lid being prised open.

"You can look now."

Sehun spins on his heel and his eyebrows raise inches up his forehead when he spots the huge slab of red velvet cake Junmyeon is excitedly pointing at, face bright with excitement and searching for praise. It's the biggest piece of cake Sehun has ever seen, stuffed full of cream and icing.

"You didn't have to do this, Jun," Sehun says, grabbing him by the waist and pulling him into his chest. He presses a kiss on the smaller man's forehead, still cold from the harsh wind swirling outside.

"I couldn't come empty-handed," he replies, grabbing Sehun's face and smothering his cheeks with kisses. The younger man scrunches his nose up at the assault, wondering why Junmyeon is suddenly being so affectionate. He doesn't want to be cynical and say it stems from guilt, but...

"Thank you," he says sincerely. "Did you guys eat out tonight?"

"No, I got it at this restaurant before I came over."

"Wanna share it?" Sehun offers, going to get a second fork. "It's so big I'll never finish it myself."

Junmyeon shakes his head and says, "It's yours," while looking wistful.

Sehun rolls his eyes and grabs another fork, knowing it won't be long until Junmyeon starts picking at it. He'd rather he did it with a utensil and not his fingers. 

"We can eat it in my bed- only if you don't get crumbs everywhere," he adds sternly. Junmyeon salutes, clicking his heels.

"Do you want to stay over?" Sehun asks casually, despite his heart feeling like it's going to burst out of his chest. He's slept at Junmyeon's apartment numerous times yet inviting him into his home feels much more intimate. More serious. It's always been an unspoken rule between them that they couldn't spend much time at Sehun's apartment considering they want to keep their relationship a secret.

"I'd love to," the older man smiles. "It feels like I'm being invited to stay at a palace."

"I will happily kick you out without cake," deadpans Sehun, causing Junmyeon to laugh and pull him into a back hug. 

Junmyeon comments on the messy state of Sehun's bedroom which earns him a thwack around the head with a pillow. Sehun doesn't want to admit that he was too miserable to clean up today, not wanting to make Junmyeon feel more guilt than he already clearly does. No matter how frustrated Sehun is with him at the moment, he doesn't want to purposely hurt him- doesn't want him to feel the same amount of pain he's currently going through.

Sehun supposes that none of that matters now. Junmyeon came home to him, he knows where his heart and his loyalties lie; can Sehun really ask anymore of him than that?

"Your phone is going off like crazy," Junmyeon comments as he gets changed into some of Sehun's pyjamas. They drape over his petite frame hilariously.

"It's just Chanyeol sending me death threats for beating him at eight ball," shrugs Sehun, shoving a forkful of cake into his mouth.

Junmyeon quirks an eyebrow. "Isn't that a little extreme?"

Sehun fixes him with a flat stare. "Have you ever met Chanyeol?"

"Touché." Junmyeon flops down on the bed beside him, opening his mouth to signal he wants Sehun to feed him. Sehun breaks off a piece with the fork, bringing it close to Junmyeon's mouth before veering it's direction and eating it himself. He laughs so much at Junmyeon's scandalised expression that he almost chokes.

"You're cruel."

"I'm letting you sleep under my roof, freeloader."

"Says you! All you do is eat the food in my fridge and take up all of my bed."

"Hey! Without me your life would be terrible."

Junmyeon shrugs easily. "You're right. Before you it was terrible- and after, now that I think about it." He ducks out of the way of Sehun's faux assault with the fork, chuckling at his own joke. He manages to wrestle the fork out of the younger man's grasp and finally take a piece of cake for himself.

"If I'd have known you were gonna be this hungry I would've saved you some dinner."

Junmyeon grimaces and says, "No thanks. I don't like shitty instant ramen with unpurified water."

"Seeing your parents has made you snobby again, I see."

"I've always questioned your culinary skills."

That's true for the most part. Every time Sehun has offered to make dinner Junmyeon has blanched and either taken control of the kitchen or ordered food so Sehun couldn't get close enough to the stove. No matter how much Sehun tries to protest and say that Jongin is teaching him how to be a better chef, Junmyeon refuses to hear it. One day Sehun will prove him wrong. 

"I didn't even have ramen," Sehun sticks his tongue out triumphantly.

"Yopokki?"

Sehun stuffs another forkful of cake into his mouth and grumbles, "Shut up." 

Junmyeon ruffles his hair and fondly claims, "You're so predictable, Sehunnie."

"Don't push me when I have a weapon in my hand."

"That you're being stingy with. You've eaten at least half of it and I've only had one bite."

"Because it's mine!"

Junmyeon lunges for the plate and Sehun holds it high above his head out of the smaller man's reach. He gently taps Junmyeon on the end of the nose with the fork causing him to wrinkle his nose cutely. Sehun has missed this so much- missed him. When it feels this good being around him, Sehun can just about forgive him for anything. He knows this is a dangerous sentiment to have, one that'll only cause him trouble in the future, but he doesn't care. He's fallen this hard for Junmyeon and there's no way out now.

He just has to trust Junmyeon won't break his heart. 

An hour later, Junmyeon has fallen asleep sprawled on his chest, head pressed right over the space above his heart. Sehun can't seem to settle, staring up at the dark ceiling while his hands gently card through the hair on the back of Junmyeon's head. 

Tonight has proved that things are nowhere near as dire as he presumed them to be. Sehun needs to have more faith in him. If he's constantly plagued by doubts and insecurities then there's no way this will work, especially with Junmyeon's line of work and the situation they've found themself in.

So why can't he force himself to believe it?

***

The following couple of weeks pass by in serenity, lulling Sehun into a false sense of security. Junmyeon hardly sees Yoona anymore on account of the fact his job is too demanding which means he spends all his free time with Sehun- as it should be. He doesn’t go as far as forgetting about Yoona, but Sehun tries his hardest to compartmentalize the thought of her right to the back of his mind where she can’t ruin the fragile bliss.

It seems unfair judging her when Sehun has never met him, and if she knew Junmyeon had a partner the whole time she would be undoubtedly mortified, yet he can’t help but feel the tiniest bit of resentment towards her.

Whenever Sehun tries to subtly ask Junmyeon about it, he’ll outwardly ignore him and quickly change the conversation topic, as if he knows he’s guilty. Jisoo deliberately presses him too, getting great pleasure in making him sweat on Sehun’s behalf, it’s her way of alerting Junmyeon he’s in the wrong without explicitly making it obvious. Sehun should leap to Junmyeon’s defence yet he appreciates what Jisoo is doing for him, so he permits it.

Things are quickly looking up, almost as if the last few months never happened. Sehun is well on the way to forgetting it completely, slowly realising that he was overreacting the whole time and letting possessiveness get the better of him. He’s never been with someone who has made him feel the same way Junmyeon does- never had to fight for anybody before- acclimatising so all these newfound emotions has been difficult but Sehun takes solace in knowing that the worst seems to be over now.

Until it isn’t.

It’s totally unexpected. Sehun doesn’t see it coming, but he should have. Perhaps this is why it wracks him so greatly, shaking him to the core.

Sehun: reservations are for 8 tonight, they had to push it back but hope that's ok

Bunnymeon: I’m really sorry, Sehun, but I can’t make it tonight. I tried to call you earlier but you weren’t answering

Sehun had seen the missed calls but foolishly assumed Junmyeon was trying to get in touch with him to clarify their plans for tonight. They’d finally found time to visit the restaurant Sehun had been begging to go to for weeks; never able to find the time in between their busy work schedules, even able to convince the director to give them an early finish for the occasion.

Sehun’s hands tremble with anger as he types out his next text.

Sehun: it’s yoona isn’t it?

Bunnymeon: It’s an emergency, she said some really worrying things earlier so I need to check up on her. I’m really sorry. Surely you understand?

Maybe it’s utterly selfish and deplorable of Sehun, but he doesn’t understand. Not in the slightest.

Sehun: when you’re finished with her, we should talk.

Bunnymeon: Ok. 

Notes:

hello everyone! yes im alive and yes we're back in business!

i apologise for such a long gap in between chapters it was never my intention to leave it this long but hopefully it shouldn't happen again. CAR is nowhere near over yet and there's still lots more to come so i hope that makes up for it! <3

thank you for all your lovely comments on the last chapter, thank you all for being so patient too!

Chapter 33: Chapter Thirty-Three

Sehun feels sick with dread for the entirety of the evening, pacing around his bedroom and gnawing at a hangnail on his thumb, stomach roiling painfully as he awaits Junmyeon's text. He said he would let him know when he was finished so Sehun could come over for their talk. Although Sehun has been thinking of what to say this whole time, he still can't think of a single thing of substance. He doesn't want his emotions to get the better of him, yet at the same time feels like he can't express himself without that happening.

Despite how dire it looks, Sehun doesn't think this is the end- at least he doesn't hope so. That all depends on Junmyeon's reaction, how he will handle having to be faced with the truth. There's no way to sugarcoat his behaviour recently, Sehun never wanted it to come to a head like this but he's been pushed too far- he can only excuse the older man so much. He should've taken Jisoo's advice the other week. Maybe it wouldn't have gotten this bad if Sehun wasn't such a coward.

No. He has to remind himself that none of this is his fault, there's only one culprit.

Junmyeon texts him after seven pm (much earlier than Sehun is ready for) saying that he's free to talk whenever Sehun is ready, very obviously putting the power in the younger man's hands. Instead of liberating him, it only makes Sehun feel even worse; because whatever goes wrong tonight will rest upon his head.

Sehun has half the mind to ignore the text, crawl into bed and sleep away the pain but for the sake of their future together, he has to find the courage. While Sehun is assuming the worst, they could just have a civil conversation about it and everything could turn out fine; Junmyeon finally sees sense and Sehun will no longer have to share him.

Yet Sehun knows this is probably going to be a miraculous outcome. This is him and Junmyeon, everything surrounding them is dramatic and heart-wrenching. No matter how hard Sehun has tried to make it work these past couple of months, perhaps now is the time to face that it was never meant to be.

He can't allow himself to give up that easily, but he feels so helpless he doesn't know how else to handle it.

His hands are trembling so badly he can barely slot the key into the lock, fumbling and picking them up when he drops them. Jongin will be home soon so he needs to hurry lest he accidentally bumps into him. If Jongin were to show him even a modicum of kindness, Sehun knows he will completely break down. All his strength is being channelled into holding himself together. The slightest hurdle to cross his path will make him crumble.

Considering the time of night, traffic is heavy with people leaving work or heading out for the evening, Sehun isn't sure whether this is a blessing or not. He didn't specify to Junmyeon when he would be arriving so feels no need to keep him informed of the obstruction. A small part of him is petty enough to enjoy keeping Junmyeon waiting, wanting him to feel as terrified as he does.

The radio serves as quiet background noise, preventing Sehun from going completely insane. If he was left alone with his thoughts he probably would've jackknifed into the incoming traffic by now. He tries to rationalise everything by repeating: it's only Junmyeon. He knows Sehun better than nearly anyone, they care about each other enough to talk this out and make it work. Admittedly Sehun shouldn't have let it reach a breaking point like this, yet he's sure Junmyeon will understand if he explains it to him. He can practically hear one of Junmyeon's sarcastic comments, wondering when Sehun became so diplomatic and non-confrontational.

Because of him. 

Sehun wants to be a better person for him, but what is the point in trying to change when Junmyeon won't reciprocate the same courtesy?

When the junction for Junmyeon's apartment comes into view, bile rises in Sehun's throat and he's half-tempted to keep driving into the night and never look back. His hands move instinctually to indicate and turn the wheel, entering the quieter road. Not many people pass through here since not many people can afford it. Sehun's Kia has always looked out of place in the parking lot.

Once Sehun parks up, he takes a moment to collect himself and even out his erratic breathing. He runs a hand over his face and wills himself to calm down, he can't walk into Junmyeon's apartment in this state. He must remain composed if he wants the upper hand, if he stays in control then it's the only way he can make Junmyeon see sense. Who in their right mind would listen to a crying, snivelling mess?

Checking the time and seeing he's been sat here for five minutes already, Sehun takes a deep breath and throws open the door and climbs out without giving it a second thought. His feet don't feel like his own as he walks across the concrete, it's almost like an out of body experience. Sehun can envision his soul floating out and looking down at his mortal body, shaking its head pitifully.

Once inside he hands his ID over to the woman at the front desk even though they've become well acquainted with one another over the past few weeks. She smiles brightly and tells him to have a pleasant evening, obviously not picking up on the waves of desperation rolling off of him. Sehun smiles weakly and continues the familiar journey to the elevator, his finger trembling so badly he has to press the button twice.

Before he has time to comprehend it, Sehun is outside Junmyeon's front door and tapping the bell to alert him he's arrived. Perhaps it would've been polite to send a text beforehand as soon as he arrived. It's too late for pleasantries now.

Junmyeon appears instantaneously, dressed in an oversized hoodie and sweatpants, making him look so adorable it makes Sehun's heart twinge. How is he ever meant to get his point across when he looks this cute?

"Hey," the older man offers him an uncertain smile. "Come in. Do you want anything to eat or drink?"

"I'm okay, thanks." Why does it feel like he's talking to a stranger?

Him and Junmyeon make their way over to the couch, Sehun slowly lowers himself down while Junmyeon wipes his sweaty palms on his pants, shuffling nervously. For several moments there is a heavy silence hanging over them, neither party sure of who should speak first and what they should say. Since Sehun was the one who requested this meeting, Junmyeon presumes it's better to let him speak.

"How's Yoona?" He asks politely, despite not caring.

"She's okay now," says Junmyeon. "There was some... personal stuff. I can't tell you," he adds painstakingly upon seeing Sehun's questioning eyebrow.

"Okay. That's good, anyway."

It feels so formal that Junmyeon is left wrong-footed. He'd rather Sehun came in all guns blazing, screaming in his face and handing him a list of everything he'd done. This new serene Sehun makes him unsettled.

"What is this, Sehun?" He blurts, unable to breathe through the tension.

"Are you ever going to come out publicly?"

Junmyeon chokes on the breath he'd been holding. This was the last thing he expected to hear. "What?"

"Are you ever going to tell the world you're gay?" Sehun repeats calmly. Too calm. Junmyeon can feel the palpable anger behind the question. "Are we ever going to be official?"

Sehun stares right into the older man's eyes, who looks mortified and taken aback by such an inquiry. Sehun remains straight-faced, not wanting to show how his heart is rapidly breaking with every passing beat of silence. Junmyeon's hesitance tells him everything he needs to know. A bitter laugh bubbles in the younger man's throat. He should walk out right now. He knows this is going nowhere.

"I didn't have any intention, no," Junmyeon admits quietly, looking down at his lap.

"Which one?"

"Both."

This time, Sehun is unable to mask his hurt. It feels like Junmyeon has just slapped him across the face, this statement leaves him physically reeling as his brain tries to pick up all the pieces. The hot surge of dread that courses through him is borderline painful. It's the biggest blow yet. Sehun thought after all this time of sneaking around, of being together but not together 'officially', Junmyoen might've changed his mind. Sehun might've made him change his mind.

What a fool he's been.

"You really care that little about me?"

"No!" Junmyeon barks, not meaning for it to come out so desperately. "Of course it's not that! It's just..." He deflates, running a hand through his hair. "It's not with my job, Sehun. I couldn't. It's too risky."

Junmyeon can feel himself pushing away the one person he never wants to losee, the one person he always wants to have close, and there's nothing he can do to stop the destruction. The expression of twisted anger on Sehun's face- his clenched fists pressed to his side- tells Junmyeon that there's no salvaging this.

"You care more about your job than me? Is that what you're saying?"

"I wouldn't expect you to understand."

"Enlighten me," Sehun says coldly.

"You've always had the freedom to be gay!" Junmyeon snaps, his sanity unravelling. "You've never had to hide who you really are. You-you've always had the privilege. You'd never understand what it's like to pretend to be someone you're not. I've lived like this for so long I'm not comfortable being anybody else." He intakes a deep breath, calming himself down. "I promised myself that I wouldn't let anything get in the way of how hard I've worked to earn this. I'm sorry. This isn't an exception."

Sehun genuinely can't believe how harsh Junmyeon is being; from his cruel dismissal, the venom in his tone, how he's directing his anger towards Sehun and sounds like he's blaming him for having to stay in the closet. Like it wasn't him he sought Sehun out first. Like he wasn't the one who wanted all of this. To harshly throw it back in Sehun's face and make it sound like it was all his fault fills him with such unfathomable anger. The promise Sehun made to himself to remain collected and act with dignity is quickly forgotten. If Junmyeon wants to play dirty, Sehun isn't going to let him get away with it.

"This is the real you, isn't it? All that bullshit, all those things you said... it was just an act, wasn't it?"

Junmyeon wonders if it's kinder to let Sehun believe this. At least that way he would feel no remorse in walking away from Junmyeon. He would rather Sehun hate him than be heartbroken over him.

No. He can't lie like that.

"I care about you, Sehun." He bleeds sincerity. "Sometimes too much. But... I think for the both of us... I can't give you what you obviously want. It was my mistake to think I ever could. I didn't realise it was something you'd want to so soon and I'm not ready."

Sehun feels the walls closing in around him. This can't be happening. He refuses to believe things have fallen apart in the space of minutes, everything he laboriously worked to build is crashing down before his eyes. The prospect of having everything he ever wanted is being snatched away from him, leaving him empty and raw.

"What was the point in any of this?" Sehun's voice cracks. "What did you want from me? Was I just some conquest? Did you want me just to say you had?"

Junmyeon takes Sehun's hand but he yanks it out of his grip. He deserves that.

"Of course not. You mean the world to me and our time together has been so precious. I should've warned you when it was getting out of hand. I assumed you wouldn't want something this serious so soon."

"Getting out of hand?" Sehun repeats, voice small.

Junmyeon sighs and hangs his head. "It's been overwhelming me for a while now. I was pulling away- I'm sorry."

Sehun rises to his feet, knees shaking so dangerously it feels like he may collapse.

"Save it," he spits. "I don't want your worthless apology."

He steels himself for what he is about to say next. The words he can never take back. The ones he doesn't mean. But he's so hurt and angry and ashamed that he needs to lash out. To make Junmyeon feel as small as he does right now.

"I hate you. I wish I'd never met you."

It feels like a knife in Junmyeon's heart.

"You don't mean that," he says calmly,

Sehun's face is blank, his voice even colder. "I do. I regret all the time I wasted on you."

There are so many things Junmyeon wants to say- needs to tell him to try and salvage this- but his voice sticks in his throat behind the welling lump of tears.

I love you. Looking back, I always have. You're the first person who's ever made me feel like this. And I want to tell you but you hate me.

All he can do is stare open-mouthed as he watches Sehun walk away.

"I quit," Sehun snaps.

Junmyeon says nothing as Sehun storms out of the apartment. He waits until he hears the door slam harshly before he sinks to his knees, his sobs echoing through the empty apartment.

***

Sehun manages not to crack the whole walk from Junmyeon's apartment to the car. He even manages to give a small wave to the receptionist who seems surprised to see him leave so early. He keeps his head down, eyes trained to the ground as his shoes become blurry through his tears.

Once the car door closes and he's surrounded by silence, Sehun intakes such a huge breath his lungs ache, holding it in until he physically needs to breathe again. His hands are tight on the steering wheel, eyes closed and head tilted back against the headrest. He's trying his hardest to remain clear headed.

"Fuck!" He screams, ripping out of him with such velocity he didn't even see it coming. "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!"

His fists smack against the dashboard as he bends over the steering wheel, sobbing loudly. He can't formulate a single coherent thought, too heartbroken to try and make sense of what just happened. Driven by his emotions, all Sehun can do is cry, not even sure what he's doing it for.

"I'm sorry."

Junmyeon isn't sorry, if he truly felt like that then he would've spoken up about his discomfort sooner. Knowing Sehun was trapping him in a situation he wasn't happy with makes his stomach roil painfully, retching dryly as acid crawls up his throat.

I was making him unhappy. All of this is because of me.

He knew Junmyeon was pulling away and he didn't have the capacity to step back and evaluate the situation. If he wasn't so blinded by jealousy then Sehun would have realised. He wasn't spending so much time with Yoona because he wanted her to act as a decoy, he was doing it to maintain a distance from Sehun. He spent time with her as an escape. He craved normalcy so he ran straight to Yoona.

I'm so fucking stupid.

Sehun can't believe how blind he has been.

Suddenly struck by the fear that Junmyeon might've followed him (yet highly doubting it) he quickly composes himself as well as he can given the sudden situation, sniffing and drying his face with his sleeve, and quickly turning the engine on.

He reverses out of the parking space and blows out an exhale, hoping he doesn't have a heart attack behind the wheel. If he can drive across the city and make it home then he can break down. He has the rest of the future to be sad about this. It's not like he has a job to go to tomorrow.

Should he have burnt his bridge like that, so suddenly and violently? But it's not like he could continue working with Junmyeon. If anyone else knew the situation, they'd understand.

This, Sehun realises, is why you don't mix relationships and business.

Right now, Sehun doesn't have the capacity to care about what the future holds. He needs to focus on getting home without causing a car crash and reaching sanctuary.

He knows it's irresponsible driving in such a state. He should call one of his friends to pick him up and collect his car when he's in a better state of mind. Minseok would collect him without second thought, without judgement too. Maybe talking to somebody would make him feel better, to get some of this poisonous hurt off his chest. 

Sehun is so humiliated that he never wants anybody to know about this. Of course his friends are going to wonder what happened between him and Junmyeon eventually, hopefully by then he'll have concocted a believable lie. Even if Minseok finds out directly from Junmyeon, he doubts he'll run his mouth.

Sehun continues to drive home in a flurry of tears, having to wipe his eyes every few moments to stop the tears from obstructing his vision. How he managed to survive the journey he'll never know; one minute he's racing through traffic, the next he's pulling into his designated parking space and sighing in relief. Now all he has to do is tiptoe around the apartment to avoid coinciding with Jongin. For the next couple of days he can chalk his absence from work down to having the flu. If he remains quarantined then Jongin won't be any the wiser.

On the off chance he does run into someone, Sehun quickly mops his face to the best of his ability even though he's flushed and his eyes are red raw, tear stains run down his cheeks and his eyelashes are glued together with tears. If there is indeed a God, he prays to them in desperation and begs for his walk up to the apartment to be uninterrupted by nosy neighbours and concerned geriatrics of which his building is rampant with.

He wishes he'd had the foresight to wear a hoodie so he could've disguised himself with a hood. If he speed walks then he shouldn't come across anyone.

Sehun slowly cracks open the front door, relief flooding through him when he sees Jongin isn't watching TV on the sofa, meaning he's either in the bathroom or his bedroom. Quickly sliding his shoes off, Sehun sprints into his own bedroom and slams the door shut, locking himself in.

Leaning his back against the door, Sehun slowly slides down onto the floor and pulls his legs into his chest, burying his face in his knees and letting out the shaky sob he's been holding back the whole time.

Sehun finally realises that he was fighting the hardest for something he always thought Junmyeon wanted much more than he did. He knows he shouldn't have pushed for it after Junmyeon told him he wasn't ready the first time. Even though Junmyeon convinced him it was what he wanted too, Sehun should've listened to his heart.

Unlike Junmyeon, it's never proved him wrong. 

Notes:

ok so... that just happened :O

i know this seems sudden for shock value but fun fact, i've actually had this planned out since the beginning!

please enjoy this update and thank you all for being patient and sticking with this story, knowing it means so much to you really makes me so happy and honoured <3

Chapter 34: Chapter Thirty-Four

Notes:

before you read, this chapter contains mentions of homophobia, homophobic language, grooming (kind of) and dubious content

The first time Junmyeon realised he may have been different to other boys was when he was eleven and was watching a movie at his friends house. It was such a trivial moment, one that didn't even register until years later when he'd finally extrapolated what it all meant. His friend made an offhand remark about the leading actress being cute, which was when Junmyeon realised that he'd spent the entirety of the movie focusing on Lee Jung-jae, the attractiveness of the woman had completely gone over his head. There was something about the actor's rugged good looks that appealed to Junmyeon more than his co-stars dainty, feminine features.

Growing up, Junmyeon had never had a crush on any of his classmates; never went giddy around the girls, never offered them infantile Valentines Day gifts, never asked them to play with him. Frankly, he had no interest in what girls got up to, regardless of how much his male peers wondered. When the other boys tried to spy on them or work up the nerve to approach them in the playground, Junmyeon would take himself to a quiet corner and read. He just thought he was antisocial, he had limited friends to begin with so he assumed this was shyness manifesting itself.

Even at such a young age, Junmyeon knew that this was considered odd so if anyone asked him about any crushes, he would lie and say the first name that came to mind so it'd get them off his back. By the time he enrolled in high school, Junmyeon had not harboured feelings for anybody. He thought himself incapable of becoming emotionally attached, this would certainly make sense with his upbringing and the lack of affection at home. Once he was older and more self aware, Junmyeon assumed he would grow up like his parents and be incapable of loving anyone but himself.

During his teenage years, there was no shortage of suitors throwing themselves at Junmyeon. Entering high school and becoming involved in a bigger pool of people made it so more people took interest in him, something that had never happened before. Because of his status and the weight behind his name, many people were fascinated by Junmyeon and consequently left disappointed by his avoidant and shy personality. Only the girls didn't give up on him, while the boys were unsure of what to make of him.

Junmyeon was no stranger to loneliness and didn't care what his classmates thought about him. If everything worked out in his favour, he would be dropping out of school as soon as the next round of idol auditions took place. Forging friendships was pointless when he made no plans on staying here, so he made no effort to reciprocate anyone's interest.

He had a few friends who took pity on him, a handful of boys he'd been acquainted with since middle school and hadn't drifted away from out of convenience. As long as he had a few allies then nobody would be totally suspicious of him, so it was in Junmyeon's best interest to keep them by his side.

There were a few  strange  incidents in the school locker rooms, where Junmyeon would glimpse at another boy getting changed and his stomach would roil uncomfortable, causing him to turn around quickly so as not to be accused of gawping. From then on, Junmyeon would always get changed facing the wall and keep his gaze focused downwards, terrified of being accused of suspicious behaviour. He'd heard some of the insults thrown at the other boys who happened to be caught looking, Junmyeon  knew  he wasn't gay so and he didn't want to endure something that wasn't true. Because these types of things are not easily forgiven. It would follow him until graduation.

It wasn't until he was sixteen when he came to the life changing revelation.

Junmyeon was in a bad place. His father had forbade him auditioning for any entertainment companies, using his influence to blacklist Junmyeon's name so if he happened to sneak behind his father's back then he wouldn't be able to get anywhere anyway. His dreams were crumbling around him, he felt lost and his life no longer had purpose. Nothing mattered to him anymore. He couldn't see an end to the darkness that was consuming him. Most days it was hard to get out of bed.

That was, until he met Sungho.

Junmyeon and Eunsang were never that close, the house was big enough for them to never coincide with one another and even then, they went out of their ways to avoid each other. When they were children they got along fine, but puberty and their clashing personalities caused an unfixable rift between them- not that Junmyeon considered this much of a loss to begin with. They spent their teenage years as strangers living under the same roof, more roommates than brothers.

Junmyeon was going to get a snack from the kitchen before he set to studying when he heard his brother's voice echoing off the tiles. With a sigh, he drew back and leaned against the walls as he weighed up his options; either ignore the rumbling in his stomach and go back upstairs, or face the awkwardness and grab a bag of chips and dart away as quickly as possible. As his stomach gurgles pitifully, Junmyeon chews his lip and decides to bite the bullet. If he doesn't spark up a conversation then they can simply ignore each other.

If Junmyeon had never walked into the kitchen that evening then his whole life would have been different. He would have never become the deeply flawed person he would grow up to become. If only he'd had the foresight.

Eunsang was popular in school- with both boys and girls. Boys wanted to be him and girls wanted to be with him. He had a sleazy charm that Junmyeon considered himself lucky he didn't possess. He'd rather be an introvert than a slimeball. Junmyeon never understood why so many people fell for it. So for him to bring friends back home was nothing uncommon, the only anomaly this time around was that Junmyeon had never met them- Eungsang usually omitted he had a younger brother whom he viewed as estranged.

Junmyeon's eyes were immediately drawn to the boy beside his brother, the stranger in the kitchen who had his arm in the bag of chips he was coming downstairs to take. Eunsang made no attempt to hide his irritation, while the stranger smiled at him.

"Hey," he said jovially. "Didn't know you had a brother, Eunsang."

"This is Junmyeon," he murmured, glowering at his brother behind his friend's back.

"Nice to meet you, Junmyeon. I'm Sungho."

Junmyeon swallowed roughly, unable to do anything but stare at the boy before him, blinded by his light. Sweat coated his palms and his throat closed to the size of a pinhead, making it hard to breathe. His heart thundered in his chest, at risk of bursting out of the confines of his ribs. Junmyeon thought he was having some kind of stroke, he'd never experienced this feeling in his whole life.

Sungho's cheeky, boyish features dropped as he took in Junmyeon's incapacitated state. "Are you okay?"

Junmyeon nodded faintly, taking a stumbling step backwards and racing out of the room, not stopping until he was in the sanctity of his bedroom, resting against the door and hyperventilating. His heart rate didn't calm down for a while, only returning to normal once he fully immersed himself in studying and painstakingly took his mind off of it. He was just relieved he wasn't going to die.

Much later in the evening, Junmyeon's bedroom door creaked open causing him to snap his head up inquisitively. Nobody ever came into his room uninvited, not even his parents who have not wished him good night since he was a toddler. Unless it was Eunsang coming to reprimand him for bursting into the kitchen unannounced. He'd been known to be provoked by less.

"Oh! Sorry, I thought this was the bathroom."

Sungho leaned against Junmyeon's door frame, apparently as startled as him. Junmyeon's glasses slipped down the bridge of his nose as he continued to stare up at him in disbelief, carelessly pushing them up.

"I-it's okay," he said, the terrifying feeling from before returning. He clung to the edge of his desk.

"Are you sure you're alright? You look really peaky, man."

"I'm fine," Junmyeon said quickly. "Just studying."

"You shouldn't study too hard, it's bad for you."

"Right," he said quietly, dropping his gaze down. "I'll remember that."

Sungho left without another word. That wasn't the last Junmyeon saw of him. In the aftermath of meeting him for the first time, he was all Junmyeon could think about. The freckled boy was all that occupied Junmyeon's mind, even during school and exam preparations. He willed himself to think of anything other than his brother's friend, unsure of why he had such a mysterious hold over him. Was it because Sungho was the first person who had entered the Kim house and treated Junmyeon like a real person? The first person to ever show real concern for him?

Junmyeon always lived in hope that one day he would return from school and Sungho would be there. It only took a few more weeks for history to repeat itself. But no matter how Junmyeon longed for it, he still wasn't prepared.

Like last time, Junmyeon was in his room but this time, he was sitting up in bed reading instead of studying. Although he didn't know Sungho was in the house, when he heard his bedroom door slowly open, he knew exactly who he was. Scrambling upright, Junmyeon dropped his book and fixed his eyes on the doorway. As expected, Sungho's head popped around the corner with a grin.

"Look who it is," he said. "Can I come in?"

Wordlessly, Junmyeon nodded and swallowed the lump in his throat in the meantime. He couldn't believe this was happening- exactly like how it'd played out in all of his dreams. His fingers felt numb with nerves.

"W-why are you here?" He managed.

Sungho sat on the edge of Junmyeon's bed, so close to his legs that the younger boy could feel his body heat even through the comforter.

"Eunsang is arguing with his girlfriend on the phone so I said I needed the bathroom."

Junmyeon frowned. "But this isn't..." His voice trailed off as Sungho cocked his head, looking innocent.

"Isn't it?"

The younger boy smiled uncertainly, wondering if this was all an elaborate ruse his brother had concocted. That Sungho wasn't being innocent, he was sent here to humiliate Junmyeon on Eunsang's request. 

"Not studying tonight?"

"No, I finished early because I'm tired."

Sungho laughed roguishly. "So you're reading ?"

"It helps me relax."

Sungho looked around his bedroom inquisitively, eyes scanning over all of Junmyeon's personal belongings. He held his breath fearfully, terrified he was going to get mocked for it. Junmyeon knew he wasn't a stereotypical teenage boy with posters of pin-ups and half-naked girls on his wall, the vintage movie posters and vinyl sleeves must have made him look like a loser in Sungho's eyes.

"You really don't have a Playstation or anything?" Is all he asked. Junmyeon shook his head. "Wow. So you really do read to relax."

When he smiled at Junmyeon, the younger boy felt some of the tension leave his shoulders. He laughed shakily. "Yeah. Eunsang is the one who likes video games."

"And he sucks at them," Sungcho rolled his eyes. "It's like playing with a kid. I bet even you could beat him."

"Probably not," Junmyeon said awkwardly.

Sungho shrugged. "I'll have to show you some time."

He departed soon after that, saying his 'bathroom break' had been too long and Eunsang might start getting suspicious. He said goodnight to Junmyeon before sauntering out, leaving the younger boy physically reeling. Junmyeon flopped back onto his bed and staring up at the ceiling, not realising he was smiling widely until his cheeks began hurting.

Deep down, Junmyeon had an inkling it was a crush. He knew this was how infatuated his peers felt around girls, yet he continued to tell himself he simply valued how Sungho treated him as a friend where his brother did not. With how much suffering Junmyeon was enduring, there was no way he could endure another knock back like that. So he chose to ignore it.

Sungho didn't appear for months afterwards, not with his grade going through entrance exams. Junmyeon was thankful for the lack of distractions (not that the freckled boy ever left his mind), but when summer rolled around, Sungho started making more appearances.

He mostly snuck into Junmyeon's room while Eunsang was preoccupied with other things, their interactions were always brief but they were enough to send Junmyeon's heart into a frenzy. Then one afternoon, while Junmyeon was reading in the garden, Sungho and Eunsang came out to sunbathe so they spent the afternoon talking amongst themselves. Junmyeon and Sungho pretended they'd never interacted before and Eunsang was none the wiser.

That summer, Junmyeon lived for the stolen pockets of time he would get with his brother's friend. He knew it was unwise to fall for him like this when he and Eunsang would be going to university in September and he would undoubtedly be forgotten, but he couldn't help it. This was the first time Junmyeon ever had feelings for someone, and in his eyes Sungho was perfect. He was simply making up for lost time.

One night, everything changed.

It was the first night Sungho had slept over at the Kim house, having always left late at night instead. Since Junmyeon's parents were mostly absent, they didn't care who their sons invited round or what they did so long as they didn't destroy the house. As soon as Eunsang informed Junmyeon that his friend would be staying over and to not disturb them, Junmyeon's hands began trembling. He wasn't sure why this thought made him simultaneously so nauseous and excited, would Sungho seek him out like he usually did? Would something finally happen? Junmyeon had not yet figured out his sexuality, all he knew was that with each passing day, he desperately wanted Sungho's lips on his.

(Junmyeon had forced himself to have his first kiss at a party last year, with a girl whose name he couldn't even remember and didn't think he ever knew in the first place. It meant nothing and he felt nothing as it happened. Junmyeon knew it'd be different with Sungho.)

As the hours crept by, Junmyeon began to lose hope. Maybe he'd read the situation all wrong; Sungho didn't like him, just tolerating him like an annoying little brother. While that didn't totally explain all of his behaviours, Junmyeon knew the reality would be something along these lines. The first person he'd ever liked didn't reciprocate his feelings. Maybe he was doomed.

Junmyeon was asleep when the boy snuck in, tiptoeing across the room and gently shaking him awake, pressing his finger to his lips to alert him to stay quiet. Even though Junmyeon and Eunsang's bedrooms were on opposite sides of the house (a deliberate move on their part), Sungho didn't want to be discovered.

"Hey," he whispered, tenderly brushing the hair off of Junmyeon's forehead.

"Sun?" He asked sleepily, uncertain whether this was a dream. It felt too good to be true. Everything he hoped would happen was happening, exactly how he'd played it out in his mind.

"Is there room for me?"

Junmyeon scooted over to make room for the older boy, who slid under the covers as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Junmyeon thought it was. When Sungho's hand found his in the dark, it felt like they belonged to be moulded together like that.

"Jun," he said softly, his tone causing Junmyeon to seize up. When he felt a pair of lips against his own, Junmyeon was delusional enough to believe they slotted together perfectly. Within a split second, Junmyeon decided he never wanted to kiss anyone else ever again.

When the older boy pulled away from the kiss, he stroked the side of Junmyeon's face and smiled down gently at him. Junmyeon knew he wasn't imagining the affection pooling in his eyes, visible even in the dark. Junmyeon held his breath, grasping onto the back of Sungho's t-shirt to prevent his hands shaking.

"You're cute," Sungho chuckled. "Have you ever kissed someone before?"

Junmyeon hesitated before nodding. He wasn't sure if the awkward fumbling with the girl in the closet constituted as a kiss, but in fear of looking immature, he decided it did. There was already an imbalance between him and Sungho, he didn't want to make it more glaringly obvious and scare him away. Sungho was eighteen, a whole two years older than him, Junmyeon knew an older boy would easily be unsettled by his inexperience.

He leaned closer to Junmyeon's ear and whispered, "Was it your first kiss with a guy?"

This, the younger boy couldn't lie about. He nodded, swallowing down his fear. Sungho pressed a kiss behind his ear that made him gasp, unaware being kissed there could feel that good.

"Did you like it?" Sungho murmured.

"Yeah," Junmyeon said timidly. "Can you do it again?"

Junmyeon was unsure of how long they stayed glued to each other that night but when Sungho eventually snuck back out, Junmyeon's lips were swollen and sore, his hair was ruffled and his pyjama top had been discarded halfway across the room.

There was no denying it now: Junmyeon liked his brother's best friend. A boy- an older one at that. And Sungho really seemed to care about him too. Junmyeon had never felt so happy in all his life.

It continued over a similar vein for the remainder of summer. Sungho stayed over more often and Eunsang remained oblivious. Sungho would sneak out once he was certain his friend was asleep, creep into Junmyeon's room and return before dawn, giving them the majority of the night together. Junmyeon learned many things, not about his own body but about the male one in general. They didn't have sex, Sungho didn't want to push it because of Junmyeon's age and the younger boy was too naïve to understand why.

Sungho expressly forbade him to ever mention what transpired between them to Eunsang, as if Junmyeon hadn't already gathered. Apparently Eunsang didn't like gay people (yet another thing Junmyeon had gleaned for himself) and would prevent them ever seeing each other again if he found out. So Junmyeon was coerced into silence, smart enough to understand he couldn't tell anyone. All the sneaking around Sungho did made it feel salacious enough.

Still, Junmyeon didn't care. Just being with Sungho was enough for him.

Eventually, after a summer of sneaking around, it came to an end. Junmyeon always knew it would, deceiving himself into believing he was prepared, but he was heartbroken when the final night came. Junmyeonn cried in Sungho's arms while the older boy promised to keep in touch regularly while he was at university, claiming he would find a way to make it work even though nobody could know about it. Junmyeon had come to learn that, like himself, Sungho hadn't told anybody he was gay and was determined to keep it a secret. He admitted he didn't know whether he'd tell people in college, but Junmyeon knew he cared too much about his image. Junmyeon would remain the only one who knew the truth.

After Sungho left, Junmyeon felt hollow and his life was meaningless. Despite having received the top exam results in his grade and enrolling in honours classes, Junmyeon didn't have the motivation to do anything. He didn't even attend theatre club for a few weeks, much to everyone's concern. Of course his family didn't notice a change in his behaviour, especially since Eunsang had gone to university, yet his closest friends did. Without consulting him, they knew Junmyeon had had his heart broken, they were just perplexed as by who . 

As promised, Sungho did  regularly keep in touch with Junmyeon but eventually that waned out when his classes got too demanding. Junmyeon tried not to be a baby about it, realising he needed to be mature and understanding if this was going to work in the long run, but he still cried himself to sleep every night. Without daily correspondence, Junmyeon became even more depressed.

Sungho didn't tell Junmyeon that he would be returning over the winter break with Eunsang, so when Junmyeon got in from school and saw him and his brother in the kitchen, mirroring the first time they first met, Junmyeon nearly burst into tears. In fact, he did cry when he was back in his room. Sungho hadn't forgotten about him after all. There was still hope that this might work.

Junmyeon could barely contain himself over dinner, resulting in his mother scolding him for shuffling restlessly in his chair. Since it was Eunsang's first night home since going off to university, and he was the favourite child, the Kim's made the effort to arrange a family dinner for him- Sungho included. He sat across the table from Junmyeon, furtively shooting him glances when he was certain nobody was looking. That was the only thing that made dinner unbearable.

Junmyeon managed to drown out the droning of his parent's voices by staring at the older boy's face the whole time. He'd somehow become more handsome since leaving for university. Instead of looking boyish, he now looked rugged with a dusting of stubble and newly acquired muscles bulging through his shirt.

He looks like he's been really happy. Without me , Junmyeon thought sadly.

Junmyeon retired to bed after dinner but Eunsang and Sungho were summoned into the lounge to entertain the Kim parents, so it would undoubtedly be hours until he got to see him. That didn't matter. Junmyeon had waited months, a while longer wouldn't hurt. The most important thing was that he was there, that was a miracle in itself.

Sungho couldn't sneak away until the early hours of the morning, only when he was certain Eunsang had passed out in his bed after a full bottle of wine. Sungho had politely declined the offer of alcohol, not wanting senses to be skewed for when he went to see Junmyeon. As expected, the younger boy was asleep when he silently entered his room, his mouth parted open and snoring softly.

"Myeonnie," Sungcho whispered, kissing his temple. The physical touch was enough to make Junmyeon's eyes flutter open on instinct, a sleepy smile taking over his features.

"Sun," he said softly, holding his arms out for the older boy. "I missed you so much."

"I missed you too, baby," Sungho said, straddling Junmyeon's hips and pressing feather-light kisses to the column of his neck. "So, so much."

In hindsight, Junmyeon shouldn't have let Sungho take his virginity that night- but hindsight is a wonderful thing, isn't it? If he had known what would come in the aftermath, he would have saved it for somebody he truly cared about: someone who was worth the emotional labour. If Junmyeon had known somebody like Sehun would be waiting for him at the end of all the turmoil, he would've maintained his dignity.

But Junmyeon was only a kid, a naïve kid who was new to all of this and didn't know any better. He let Sungho have his way with him, believing it would make him want to stick around and wait for Junmyeon. When the older boy walked out of his bedroom at dawn's first life, Junmyeon didn't know that would be the last time.

The silence that followed that night hurt a thousand times more than the previous one. Junmyeon, who at that point didn't realise sex could be meaningless, couldn't fathom why Sungho was ignoring him again. He'd given Sungho one of the most important parts of his soul, did that mean nothing to him? Why would they share a moment like that and then pretend it never happened?

Junmyeon knew better than to harass Sungho, yet he sent a few text messages over the span of the next month. Each one was left opened and ignored. When Junmyeon tried for the fourth time, his heart plummeted when he saw that Sungho had blocked his number.

So that was it. Sungho had eradicated him from his life completely. Why? Did the time they spent together mean nothing to him? Had he outgrown Junmyeon? Or did Junmyeon mean nothing to him to begin with?

So many questions went unanswered and it was making Junmyeon slowly lose his slip on sanity. He spiralled for a few months, unable to snap himself out of the pit of depression he'd slipped into. Waking up was a task most days, functioning like a normal human being was unfeasible. And the worst thing was that nobody realised. Nobody asked if he was okay.

Junmyeon was ashamed of how long it took to recover from Sungho's betrayal. But by the time he graduated high school two years later, he was just about over it. Instead of obsessing over the older boy constantly like he used to, Junmyeon only ever thought of him a couple of times a day; still unhealthy, but still a huge improvement from before.

His happiness was tentative and his future looked all that bit brighter. He was graduating with the top results in his grade, his parents were proud of him (when they openly admitted this, Junmyeon had broken down in tears) and he'd chosen his major at his dream university, well on the way to achieving his dream of becoming an actor. Things were good, considering how low he felt all that time ago. Junmyeon spent so long feeling hopeless, like nothing in his life would ever get better, that he savoured these victories more than a normal person would.

His parents, Eunsang and his grandmother attended his graduation and even brought a large bouquet of flowers for him. Numerous photos were taken after the ceremony, with both family and for the school newspaper- the local one, too. Kim Junmyeon was going places. Who would've thought it?

After the ceremony, Eunsang promised Junmyeon to take him to a bar to celebrate since he was finally of legal age and could relax now he didn't have to study constantly. It was a strangely considerate offer on his brother's part and Junmyeon thought no more of it, agreeing without an ounce of suspicion.

As they were walking off the school grounds, Junmyeon frowned as Eunsang waved to someone in the distance. His frown only deepened when he registered who was walking towards them. As soon as Junmyeon laid eyes on the boy- man, now- who broke his heart, he felt the whole world shift beneath him. There suddenly wasn't enough air to breathe and it felt like he was drowning on dry land. Tears pricked his eyes, his lips trembling.

And the most infuriating thing was that Sungho smiled easily at him, as if nothing had ever happened between them at all.

"Hey, Junmyeon," he said, as if he were an old friend. "Sorry I missed the ceremony, I was tied up with work. Congratulations, by the way. Eunsang you scored the top of your grade."

Eunsang sigh ed when his phone begins vibrating in his pocket, muttering under his breath when he saw it was his boss. Lifting his finger up apologetically, he took  the call and walk ed  a considerable distance away.

The world  was  really working against Junmyeon today.

"What're you doing here?" Junmyeon asked quietly, still glaring at the sidewalk, unable to lift his gaze upright.

"Eunsang invited me out for celebratory drinks," Sungho shrugged. "I didn't think you'd mind. We're still cool, right?"

"No!" Junmyeon says fiercely, suddenly finding strength. When he  looked up at Sungho, his fragile heart  broke  all over again, like it was never fixed in the first place. "We haven't talked in two years and you think we're  cool ?"

Sungho raised an eyebrow. "Chill out, Junmyeon. Why're you so worked up?"

"Because... because I loved you," he said desperately, not caring how pathetic he sounded. Sungho visibly blanched, taking a step back and looking as if he wanted to vomit. This was perhaps the biggest betrayal of all.

"You thought it meant something?"

"What?" Junmyeon whispered, unable to believe what he was hearing.

Sungho rubbed the back of his neck. "Look, I didn't realise you were going to take what happened between us seriously. It was just a bit of fun."

Junmyeon shook his head in disbelief. "No. You... I-I really thought-"

"What, that I liked you?" Sungho looked disgusted. "No offence, Junmyeon, it was never you I wanted in the first place. But your brother is straight and you were willing, so..."

"Eunsang?" Choked Junmyeon. "You liked Eunsang all along?"

"At first, then I grew out of it. You were a pretty good distraction- but that's all it was. It didn't  mean  anything, Junmyeon. Did you not realise that? No, you didn't, did you? Stupid kid."

"You led me on," Junmyeon's voice cracked. "You made me believe-"

"I didn't do anything," Sungho said harshly. "It was all in your head. I couldn't control what you thought." He then looked stricken. "You didn't tell Eunsang, did you?"

"No, but if you push me I might. "

Sungho grab bed  Junmyeon by the front of his shirt, bringing his snarling face so close to Junmyeon's that he  could  see his pores. Junmyeon  couldn't  believe that his face once brought him so much comfort, that his heart once beat for this man.

That he was so stupid to fall for it.

"If you  dare tell him what happened, I'll fucking kill you," Sungho hissed menacingly. "If you tell  anyone , I'll rip you limb from fucking limb. Do you understand?"

"Why? You-"

"I mean it," he snarled. "If you expose me then I'll tell Mommy and Daddy Kim that you're a little fag. Everyone will know that you're a fucking queer. That won't get you very far in the industry, will it? You'll be blacklisted before your first gig." He let go of Junmyeon's suit and spat at his feet. "You're fucking disgusting, you know that? Fags like you make me sick. You shouldn't be allowed in society."

"But you are too!"

"What happened between us was the biggest mistake of my life," Sungho snapped. "And I'd never do it again. I realise how disgusting and wrong it is. But you ," he poked his finger harshly into Junmyeon's chest. "Will always be sick. A sick little pervert. Never, ever cross paths with me again. You'll fucking regret it."

With that departing blow, Suncho walked out of Junmyeon's life for the final time.

He was long gone when Eunsang returned from his work call, face scrunched in confusion at the absence of his best friend. He turned to Junmyeon who was deathly pale, his eyes bloodshot and knees trembling so severely he thought he was going to faint.

"Where'd Sungho go?"

"He had to go home," Junmyeon's voice was a faint whisper.

"Oh. Was it his  fiancé ?"

Junmyeon didn't think it was possible for his heart to break even further, but it did. And this time, it never  healed .

Notes:

so there is it, junmyeons long awaited backstory and a little bit of insight into his character and why he is the way he is :(

also, today is a special day (to me, anyway) because it's the first anniversary of cut and rewind! i can't believe it's been a year since i first published this story, i never expected it to gain as much traction and attention as it has, all of the support this past year has really blown me away and made me incredibly thankful. to be honest, i started this story as a way to cope with missing exo while they were on hiatus and, honestly, just as a bit of fun because it was entertaining to write.

i'm so grateful to everyone who has supported this story in any way, your comments mean the world to me and knowing that this story has brought even one person some joy (and heartache, which i apologise for) makes me happy beyond words. thank you all so much for supporting this story and being as invested in this journey as i am :D

jenkook <3

Chapter 35: Chapter Thirty-Five

Junmyeon isn't sure what happens in the period between Sehun's departure and his alarm blaring the next morning. He assumes he managed to crawl to his bed and passed out at some point, exhausted from all the crying. At first when he gains consciousness, he wonders if it was all a deliriously awful nightmare, that last night didn't really happen and him and Sehun will resume as normal. He's almost confident in this deduction, there's no way things could've gone so wrong last night unless he dreamt it.

Breaking up, and the barbed words Sehun tossed at him, almost doesn't seem feasible. There's no way things could spiral out of control like that, especially not with how smoothly things have been doing lately. Admittedly, Junmyeon had been pulling away but not so much so that it could've warranted a response like that from Sehun. Sehun's temper has mellowed out a lot lately, such slight provocation seems unlikely.

But Junmyeon knows it's real when he checks his phone and sees he hasn't woken up to a good morning message from Sehun. The blank screen reflecting back at him is enough to tell him that everything did happen last night, and that deep down, he knew it had- he was just desperately clawing at the last shreds of hope he possessed.

Staring up at the ceiling, Junmyeon takes a deep breath to centre himself and throws the comforter back and goes about his morning routine. Something like this can't get in the way of work- as he so cruelly reminded Sehun last night. Just because Sehun is no longer in his life (and no longer his personal assistant if his traitorous memory serves him correctly) doesn't mean he can drop everything and grieve. The world is still turning, the sun has still risen and Junmyeon still has a heartbeat; given all these factors, he must struggle on.

Junmyeon walks to the bathroom, his movements janky and uncoordinated, like his body has switched onto autopilot as his mind wanders elsewhere. It's the strangest sensation, almost like his body is being controlled by a third party. His skin doesn't feel like his own, his awkward limbs too heavy and cumbersome to be his own. Junmyeon feels like he's floating in a bizarre state of semi-consciousness. Given the events of last night and everything he wants to forget, it's almost a welcome feeling.

Junmyeon flicks the light on and surveys his reflection in the mirror, assessing the damage. His face has a deathly pallor, his eyes are puffy and sore, the whites of his eyes are bloodshot with spidery veins crawling along the surface. His lips are scabbed and chapped where he was subconsciously gnawing them last night. Leaning both hands on the sink, he sighs heftily and lowers his head. Nothing a session in the makeup chair with Chaeyoung can't fix. If anybody asks then he will lie and say he's hungover.

He knows people will wonder about Sehun's absence, but he really can't face that right now. The most pressing issue at hand is managing to get to work in one piece and acting like his whole world is falling apart at the seams.

For all Junmyeon is teased about being a wuss or a coward (mostly by Sehun) he's a lot tougher than people give him credit for. Growing up in the Kim household has given him the ability to harden his heart to a cutting edge, burying things deep down and ignoring them in favour of getting the job done. As much as he cares about Sehun, he isn't going to let him get in the way of his career. This is where the problem stemmed from, anyway.

After a quick shower and doing his skincare routine, Junmyeon gets changed in his baggiest clothes and is ready to go to work. Without Sehun to greet him with coffee he'll have to grab some from one of the many trucks his fans send on a weekly basis, they're not hard to find since they're littered all over the set. Or maybe Chaeyoung will take pity and grab him one.

Why is he worrying about coffee when his life is currently falling apart? What's wrong with him?

Junmyeon grabs his car keys and heads down to the garage, opting to take the Audi today. The tinted windows are perfect for shrouding him away from the world and the black seems a fitting colour since he is currently in mourning. It was also Sehun's favourite car, Junmyeon planned on buying him a matching one for his birthday in a few weeks- he'd even started calling car dealerships. He supposes that plan won't be falling through.

Part of Junmyeon- the deliriously exhausted part- still harbours hope that Sehun will be there on set when he gets there, admitting that he wasn't serious about quitting his job but he will never speak to him again. Junmyeon would take this alternative in a heartbeat, at least he would have Sehun close to him. He'd watch Sehun go on a thousand dates with Jaehyun and get married to him if it meant Sehun stuck around. Losing him will give the situation the finality that Junmyeon isn't prepared to face. In this morning's strange limbo, where everything feels surreal and uncertain, Junmyeon can almost pretend that things will patch themselves up if he gives it enough time.

However, once he arrives on set, he realises Sehun's car isn't parked in it's usual spot. This perhaps breaks his heart more than the lack of good morning text. Because it makes it real. Sehun really isn't coming back this time. Junmyeon pushed and pushed and the younger man finally lost his patience. He knew it was coming, Junmyeon is just surprised it happened so soon after they came to their agreement.

Sehun was always too good for him. It was inevitable.

Junmyeon knows he isn't worth the emotional labour, he didn't delude himself that Sehun would be any different. He's glad that the younger man managed to endure it for so long, selfishly happy that they got to spend so many months together and made so many precious memories. Not that Sehun will look back on them fondly. As he said last night, he regrets all the time he wasted on Junmyeon.

When he heads into his trailer, the last person Junmyeon expects to be seated on the couch, that once belonged to Sehun, is Jongdae. He hasn't seen him in a few weeks, their correspondence limited to texts and regular phone calls. For his manager to make an appearance it must be serious. Before he's even opened his mouth, Junmyeon knows why he is being graced with his presence.

"I got an email from Sehun last night," he says briskly, not even greeting his client. "Do you know what it said?"

Junmyeon plays dumb, cocking his head. "Was he asking for a promotion?"

"He handed his notice in," Jongdae seethes, teeth visibly gritted together. "Did you know your personal assistant was quitting or are you just as mortified as I am?"

Junmyeon is an actor, he can bluff his way through this conversation- and any other that will undoubtedly occur in the aftermath.

"Yeah," he lies smoothly. "I asked him to reconsider but he was pretty resolute."

"Do you know why? He didn't specify on the email."

"I didn't want to pry. Whatever he was, he seemed upset about it." History's biggest understatement.

"Are you aware of the implications this has?" Snaps Jongdae. "Once again, you're without a personal assistant. How are you going to manage?"

Junmyeon shrugs. "I managed without him before so I can manage now. I'm not utterly incapable of looking after myself, Jongdae. Besides, I trust you're already trying to find me a new one?"

"Of course I am, you idiot man. I've sent Sehun three emails begging him to change his mind but he hasn't got back to me, and I don't think he will. I've already told the appropriate people. For now, you'll have to rely on your makeup artist or whoever else you can rope into it."

"I assumed I would. Honestly, there isn't a lot I can't do for myself on set. I'll be fine. Don't get too worked up."

"Of course I'm worked up! Because it all falls on me to find you a replacement. Are you incapable of keeping a personal assistant for more than a year? What is it about you that they hate so much?"

Junmyeon intakes a sharp breath, heart twinging at Jongdae's harsh comment. The fact he doesn't understand the situation only makes this blow even more hurtful. Junmyeon can reel off everything Sehun hated about him, yet it doesn't seem appropriate given the situation. Instead, he continues his bluff.

"I don't think they realise what they're getting themselves into."

"Evidently," mutters Jongdae. "I always thought Sehun had a good grasp on it, he was the best one you've had- probably the best you'll ever have."

Doesn't Junmyeon know it?

Once Junmyeon has convinced Jongdae that his life won't fall apart without a personal assistant, he manages to shoo him out of the trailer and promises he'll check all of the resumes that get sent to him in the meantime. Jongdae is still talking when he shoves him out of the door and resolutely locks it behind him, resting against it and breathing deeply.

Admittedly, Jongdae's appearance has thrown Junmyeon and left him wrong-footed, but he can easily regain his balance. Up until then he was managing to ignore his grief and function like a normal human. All he needs is a few minutes to recover and then he can carry on with business as normal. Junmyeon actually hopes that the position of his personal assistant is filled soon, at least it'll give him a distraction.

Chaeyoung arrives five minutes later, giving Junmyeon just enough time to compose himself. He greets her with a smile that looks far too strained if you look closely, which thankfully she doesn't. Still half-asleep, she walks past him and offers a lazy wave before gathering her makeup necessities. Junmyeon sits down in the canvas chair, closing his eyes as she begins prepping his face with primer.

"Are you okay?" She asks. "You look peaky."

"I'm fine," he replies. "I didn't get much sleep last night."

"Tell me about it," she yawns into her elbow. "I'll be glad when this is all over- no offence."

Junmyeon smiles wanly. "None taken."

From then, Chaeyoung works in silence. She is too tired to make conversation which is a blessing, she has the tendency to be chatty on a morning, though thankfully, today is not one of those days. Junmyeon realises, with twisted amusement, that her fatigue couldn't have happened on a better day. It's one less person he has to explain the situation to. And with Chaeyoung being such a bleeding heart, caring greatly for both him and Sehun, he couldn't have faced it today. Not while the pain is still so raw.

Behind his closed eyelids, Junmyeon replays the scenes from last night over and over like a film reel, playing it in slow motion so he can extrapolate all of Sehun's words with a clear mind (clearer than what it was last night, anyway.) He can't have meant it when he said he hated Junmyeon, obviously he was hurt and looking to lash out at the one who hurt him- this has been happening ever since they met each other. Yet Junmyeon is still stunned that he said something so vicious to him, considering how much they cared about each other.

Then again, Junmyeon wasn't totally innocent; he said things he regrets, things he didn't mean in the moment. If only he'd let Sehun explain himself before trying to push him away in terror. If he'd just heard Sehun out before reaching such a concrete conclusion, one that he knew he would regret as soon as he opened his foolish mouth. He wishes he'd kept quiet. Maybe they could've reached another compromise.

No, Sehun was at the end of his tether- that was apparent. If Junmyeon had tried to placate him with bullshit, he wouldn't have bought it. The outcome would have probably been the same. On reflection, maybe this split was unavoidable. Junmyeon should've known better than to believe things would remain smooth for them, because when had they ever? The whole time they've known each other it's been obstacle after obstacle. Maybe Junmyeon shouldn't have gotten too comfortable, shouldn't have been lulled into a false sense of security. If only he'd stayed alert.

Junmyeon knows it's pointless trying to pin the blame on either party when the decision was mutual. Both he and Sehun allowed the other to walk away, neither of them are innocent in this. That's just something Junmyeon will have to live with since there is nothing he can do to change the past.

Once Chaeyoung has finished with him, he dresses in his allocated outfit from the rack and heads out onto the set where he's due to start in five minutes. Underneath the mask of makeup, Junmyeon feels more confident. Under the layers of foundation and concealer, nobody can see his true face therefore they don't know how he truly feels. If they can't see that then Junmyeon can fake the rest. He's confident in his abilities to get into character and remain that way until he finishes work tonight. He's lived through worse, he'll be okay.

Jaehyun is lingering around, looking through his phone. Junmyeon wishes Jisoo was here too, she always acts as the buffer between them, not picking up on the two men's poorly concealed hostility towards one another. Junmyeon has disliked Jaehyun ever since his date with Sehun and Jaehyun has an issue with him but he has yet to find out why. Mutual hatred is a common phenomenon, even among castmates.

Junmyeon doesn't greet him, hoping that if he remains silent then Jaehyun won't notice his presence. If he can hold on until Jisoo arrives- hopefully soon since there's three more minutes until shooting begins- then he can avoid any awkward interactions. That's if Jaehyun deigns him important enough for verbal acknowledgement, which he often doesn't.

Of course, of all the mornings, this would be when Jaehyun finds his humility.

"Where's Sehun?" He asks, squinting. He looks behind Junmyeon to check if his assistant is lingering nearby.

Intaking a deep breath, Junmyeon keeps his voice light and says, "Sehun resigned."

Jaehyun gasps, looking visibly stunned. He rises to his feet, mouth hanging open inelegantly. This is the most emotion Junmyeon has ever seen him convey that isn't on camera. Apparently his crush on Sehun never went away, even after being rejected.

"What happened?" He demands.

"He wanted to move on."

"Bullshit," spits Jaehyun, making Junmyeon physically recoil at the venomous outburst. "You did something, didn't you?"

"Me?" Junmyeon repeats, astonished that his co-star managed to put the pieces together so quickly despite not knowing about him and Sehun's relationship. "I didn't do anything. This was entirely his own decision."

"Sehun wouldn't just suddenly leave, he isn't like that. You must've said something to make him quit."

Junmyeon can't help the sudden pettiness that overtakes him. "You don't know Sehun the way you think you do."

Jaehyun clenches his fists at his side, blotchy redness appearing at the base of his neck in anger. "And you never deserved him," he hisses. "You're selfish and Sehun is too fucking good for you, that's what pushed him away."

Junmyeon really doesn't like the way Jaehyun has just surmised this whole ordeal with one simple observation. If an outsider could see this fatal flaw in their relationship, perhaps they were doomed to fail from the start.

"Shut up," snaps Junmyeon. "Stop talking about something you don't have the slightest idea about. What happened between Sehun and I is private, so keep your nose out of my business."

Jaehyun emits a harsh, bark-like laugh. "I knew this would happen eventually. I admit, it took longer than I expected. But it's happening how I imagined it. I tried to help him, to make him realise what a terrible person you are. I'm glad he's finally come to his senses."

Junmyeon inhales tightly through his nose. "What do you mean?"

"Wasn't there a date in Kenting you missed?" Jaehyun feigns a contemplative expression. "That should've given him the hint to stay away."

Junmyeon can't breathe.

"How did you- my password?"

"It's Sehun's birthday," Jaehyun says dryly. "You're so transparent, Junmyeon."

Without thinking, Junmyeon grabs Jaehyun by the front of his coat and slams him against the nearest wall. Jaehyun's head hits the brickwork with a satisfying crack, his eyes momentarily sliding out of focus upon impact. Junmyeon shakes him vigorously, channelling every ounce of aggression in the aftermath of his and Sehun's breakup.

"Why would you do that?" He yells. "You bastard! You sneaky, conniving little bastard! How dare you! How could you do that to Sehun?"

"Because you're a prick!" Jaehyun shouts back, quickly regaining his composure as he grabs Junmyeon's wrists and tries to pry him away. "You don't deserve him, you never did! You tricked him into thinking you're somebody you're not, that's the only reason he liked you. As soon as you showed him who you really are, he bolted pretty fucking quick."

"It was nothing like that!" Junmyeon draws his arm back to aim a punch but someone strong pulls him back. Joohyun. Her face is set grimly as she yanks him away from Jaehyunn while another member of staff restrains the other actor, who is kicking at the air and demanding to be let go. Junmyeon battles against Joohyun, telling her to release him immediately so he can give Jaehyun what's coming to him.

"What the fuck is happening here?" The director shouts over the pandemonium, sweating from running over to the scene of the incident.

"I'll sort it," Joohyun says briskly, showcasing incredible strength as she drags Junmyeon away who remains squirming in her grip. She mutters something under his breath that he can't hear over the roaring in his ears.

He doesn't realise he's being hauled into his trailer until Joohyun shoves him down onto the familiar sofa, locking the door behind her before she sits down beside him. By this time, he's curled up on himself and is desperately fighting back tears.

"Are you going to explain what that little display was about?" She demands, sitting beside him on the couch. "I knew you and Jaehyun had tension but not to the extent where you'd physically assault each other."

"He was saying stuff about Sehun," he says in a small voice, sounding as pathetic as he feels. Now the adrenaline has fizzled out, he feels raw and humiliated after causing such a scene, letting his traitorous emotions get the better of him when attracting attention to himself was the last thing he wanted to do.

Joohyun frowns. "That's a good point, where is Sehun? I thought he would've been the first one there to break you up."

When he doesn't reply immediately, burying his face in his knees, realisation dawns across Joohyun. Junmyeon's shoulders shake with silent tears, knowing he doesn't have to keep up pretences around Joohyun, one of his oldest friends.

"Did something happen with Sehun?" She asks softly, using the gentlest tone he has ever heard. If he wasn't in the throes of misery then he'd show visceral shock. Instead, he just nods, not even looking up at her.

"You fought?"

Junmyeon shakes his head, voice muffled. "Worse."

"He quit?" Junmyeon's silence says more than words ever could. With a sigh, Joohyun moves closer to him and puts her arm around his shoulders, pulling him into her side in a hug. His tears soak through her cardigan, breaking her heart. Being friends for so long has meant Joohyun has seen Junmyeon at his lowest points, this time he's sunk to rock bottom.

"It'll be okay," she soothes. "It will. I promise."

Junmyeon knows he did the wrong thing. If he could go back in time and change last night's events and what he said to Sehun, he would in a heartbeat.

But he's not ready. Not even for Sehun.

It doesn't feel like anything will ever be okay again.

Notes:

the case of the mystery text remains.... SOLVED?

song for this chapter is mr perfectly fine by taylor swift :(

Chapter 36: Chapter Thirty-Six

Sehun isn't sure how much time has passed when he rouses. It could be hours, it could be days. All he knows is that when he opens his eyes, the pressure of a migraine and the aching of his heart makes him wish he'd passed away in his slumber.

For a while (the passage of time still unknown) Sehun lays in the dark cavern of his duvet with his eyes squeezed shut, painfully tight. His body is dehydrated from all the previous tears he shed in the aftermath of his fight with Junmyeon, this realisation comes as a relief. His eyes are burning and a fresh wave of sobs would make the accumulation of pain unbearable.

Then, with every ounce of strength he possesses, he sticks his arm out from underneath the duvet and fumbles for his phone on the nightstand. There's a pinprick of hope daring to bloom in his chest, anticipating some kind of communication from Junmyeon, begging Sehun to reconsider so they can talk things through. All Sehun needs to hear Junmyeon say is that he means something to him, that he's worth fighting for.

Sehun's gut wrenches when he takes in the blank screen. Junmyeon hasn't tried to get in touch, not even once. The fight was fifteen hours ago, surely that would've given him enough time to make a decision? If Sehun hasn't heard from him by now then he never will.

The only thing that kept the pain from eating him alive was the prospect of Junmyeon begging for forgiveness, that he couldn't lose Sehun a second time because he's too important. Sehun didn't even want any grand declarations or romantic gestures, he just wanted reassurance that his relationship with Junmyeon wasn't one-sided; that everything that happened wasn't completely his fault, for Junmyeon to take some accountability and apologise for the role he played in the breakup.

But he hasn't. Sehun should've known better. After all, he knows Junmyeon better than anyone.

With a strangled cry of frustration, Sehun pulls his arm back and throws his phone against the wall. He hears glass shatter but doesn't see it, burrowing back under the duvet to be swallowed in misery once more. The tears Sehun didn't think were possible steadily start trickling down his cheeks.

What he said last night, he meant it. He truly hates Junmyeon.

*** 

Baekhyun hesitates outside of the apartment door, fist raised about to knock before he withdraws with a frown. He doesn't fully understand why he's here, only complying to Jongin's request because he sounded so frantic. Normally Baekhyun doesn't have a problem involving himself in business he doesn't belong in, where Sehun is concerned it's different. If he wanted to talk about something, surely he would have said something already?

No. Sehun has been there for Baekhyun countless times. Now it's his turn to return the favour.

Baekhyun finally knocks and within seconds, Jongin appears.

"Thanks for coming so quickly," Jongin ushers him inside. "He didn't go to work this morning. He's been shut up in his room all day listening to Taylor Swift."

"Which album?"

"Red."

Baekhyun's face falls. "This is worse than I thought."

Neither men know what is wrong with Sehun. All they know is that Sehun has been despondent ever since he came back from yesterday, shutting himself away in his room and either not checking his phone or ignoring his friend's concerned messages. Even Jongin, his roommate, hasn't seen or heard any signs of life from him. The only indication Jongin has that he's still alive was creeping into his room when he was asleep and checking his pulse.

As soon as Jongin heard Sehun moving around his room and turning his speakers on, he immediately called Baekhyun; for both his own reassurance and Sehun's. Baekhyun has a way with words that Jongin simply doesn't possess. He can get under Sehun's skin, dragging him out of his shell with the slightest provocation. If there's any time where this skill comes in useful, it's now. Jongin doesn't even want to know what transpired in Sehun's personal life, he just wants his friend to be okay.

They tiptoe towards Sehun's bedroom where muffled music can be heard behind his closed door. Jongin nods his head at Baekhyun, urging him to be the one to step into his domain first. They silently squabble and gesticulate with their hands before Jongin opens the door and shoves the older man inside.

Sehun is spread-eagled on his bed, limbs touching all four corners, staring up blankly at the ceiling.

'And I guess we fell apart in the usual way...'

"Sehun?" Baekhyun asks tentatively.

'And the story's got dust on every page...'

Baekhyun takes a braver step inside when Sehun doesn't react to his presence. So far so good. Not immediately getting kicked out is the first step towards victory. Jongin creeps in too, resting his chin on Baekhyun's shoulder and staring down pityingly at his best friend.

'And right there where we stood was holy ground...'

"I'm here to talk," announces Baekhyun, like Sehun doesn't already know. Has Sehun even noticed he's here? He appears to be in a catatonic trance.

"Don't wanna talk," grumbles Sehun, petulant and moody, filling Baekhyun with hope. His bratty side is better than utter despondence. "Go away."

"Don't be like that, Sehunnie," Jongin's lips turn downwards. "We're here to help because we're worried."

Sehun doesn't even grant them a response. He continues gazing skyward.

'Loving him was like driving a new Maserati down a dead end street...'

"Why don't you get out of bed and shower then we can go out, yeah?" Baekhyun coaxes him like a child. "We can get something to eat. How about hotpot?"

"I don't think he's eaten," Jongin adds in a whisper. "The percolator hasn't been touched, either."

"Leave me alone," the younger man rolls over on his side, facing the wall. "I don't- I just can't talk about it,"

"Talking will help you feel better," implores Baekhyun. "You can't keep everything bottled up inside. It's not good for you, Sehun."

'Losing him was blue like I'd never known, losing him was dark grey alone...'

Baekhyun isn't sure whether he imagines a small whimper from the younger man.

"Why aren't you at work? Is it to do with Junmyeon?

"It's complicated," Jongin supplies. "Kyungsoo said stuff... I don't understand myself."

'Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes, tell myself that it's time now gotta let go...'

This time, the sniffle that comes out of Sehun is unmistakable. It's such a pitiful little sound that it breaks Baekhyun's heart. It's not often he sees Sehun this vulnerable and raw, leaving him reeling and wrong-footed, unsure of how to react. Sehun needs him now more than ever, he can't give up now.

Baekhyun perches himself on the edge of Sehun's bed, still giving him distance but close enough in his proximity for physical comfort. He reaches forward for the younger man's shoulder and rubs it assuringly, like Sehun has done so many times for him. He has done so many things for his friends and in return asked for nothing back. Sehun likes to play the part of cold-hearted and selfish, but he has the biggest heart Baekhyun has ever known. To know he's going through such turmoil makes Baekhyun feel helpless, because what exactly can he do if he's unwilling to talk?

Being there for him is a good start.

"I said some really awful things to him." Sehun's voice is small, barely audible over the music playing from his speakers. Baekhyun is close enough to hear him.

"Oh, baby," he tuts softly, shuffling closer and stroking Sehun's oily hair. It's a testament to how depressed he is that he's neglecting his personal appearance. "We all do that."

"I said I hated him," Sehun's voice is barely a whisper. "I quit. I just walked away. And now..." A sob caught in his throat cuts him off. He buries his face in the pillow and makes a choking noise.

'I walked through the door with you, the air was cold. Something 'bout it felt like home somehow...'

"Jesus Christ," Baekhyun says loudly. "We need to find his phone and turn this off."

Jongin scrambles around the room trying to locate Sehun's phone, eventually finding it half poking out from under the bed. The room is plunged into echoing silence, but it's better this way.

Baekhyun falls completely onto the bed, curling around Sehun and spooning him. He can feel his best friend's body shaking with barely restrained sobs. Sehun never cries. This is all so overwhelming.

Baekhyun holds him for a while until he thinks he's calmed down. Sehun allows himself to be coddled, it's too comforting to try and shove Baekhyun away. Pushing his grief aside, he knows his best friend only means well.

"Here's what we're gonna do," Baekhyun says, sitting up. "You're gonna get a shower while I make you coffee, then we're gonna go and eat.  And then we're gonna go back to my place, eat lots of candy and pass out on the couch. How does that sound?"

"Okay," Sehun sniffs. "I... thanks, Baek. I love you."

"I love you too,Seehunnie. We just want what's best for you. Always." He gives his friend one last pat on the shoulder blade before retreating out, going to find Jongin who crept back into his room to avoid ruining their moment.

"I think he's come round," Baekhyun says. "He's gonna feel crap for a while, but I think it'll be okay."

"Treat him like you normally would, Baek," Jongin gnaws at his lip, a long strip of skin coming away and leaving a red mark. "He hates people making a fuss. Just try to distract him, don't even mention it unless he does."

The older man nods. "Got it. I'd call Chanyeol but I don't wanna overwhelm him."

"He just needs you right now. Chanyeol means well, but..." He doesn't have to continue, Baekhyun already knows. For all Baekhyun's bravado and arrogance, he knows when to reel it in and show sincerity. Chanyeol, in all his bluster and clumsiness, does not possess the same subtlety.

Baekhyun hears Sehun shuffling around his room and heads into the kitchen to make the coffee he promised him. He can hear the water heater kicking in the squeak of the shower faucet in the background. Victory number two. Sehun has successfully gotten out of bed and is actively making steps to make himself feel more human. Baekhyun wouldn't consider himself a miracle worker, yet...

Twenty minutes later, Sehun is showered and caffeinated and limply at Baekhyun's side, ready to be dragged along wherever the older man chooses to take him. Sehun has simply lost his will to fight. Had he not agreed to join him, he knew Baekhyun would have found some way to defy his request and get him out anyway. Sehun is yet to determine whether his friend is doing this out of the goodness of his heart or if he wants to be kept in the loop with the gossip.

Sehun doesn't know if he's ready to talk about what happened between him and Junmyeon. Not now. Not ever.

As they walk out of the apartment complex, Baekhyun tells him that the nearest hotpoint place is a fifteen minute walk away down a side street, so it shouldn't be that hard to find. Sehun, who hasn't had the opportunity to explore the surrounding neighbourhoods since he moved in three months ago, takes his friend's word for it. He wouldn't care if they were walking to the other end of the country. He doesn't have the capacity to feel anything. Only numbness. 

It occurs to Sehun, in this moment, that he's never gone through a breakup before. Not to this scale, anyway. He's called things off with people- Minseok included- but it's never felt like this. Sehun was able to walk away and never reflect on it again since these men meant nothing to him, if he's being brutally honest. Junmyeon was the first person he never wanted to lose, the first person he had the urge to fight for because he knew he was too good to let go of.

But he did let go. Or did Junmyeon let go of him? Not that it matters, anymore. The damage has been done. Sehun will never be able to forgive himself- or forget Junmyeon. He'd like to believe this pain will only be temporary, yet he's inclined to believe he will always harbour some deep-rooted heartache and bitterness over this loss.

Sehun happened to have his first love at the age of twenty-six as opposed to it being in his teens, and he understands enough about the world to know that first loves never last. He wonders if he was Junmyeon's. Was this why they were never destined to last?

"Please don't cry in the middle of the street," Baekhyun says, breaking him out of his dismal reverie. Sehun doesn't even realise his eyes are filling up with tears until he finally blinks, feeling hotness behind his eyelids. He wipes a stray teardrop away with the sleeve of his coat.

Stepping into the warm, bright restaurant is an immediate relief from the brittle wind outside. Sehun shivers and follows Baekhyun across the restaurant to the only two-seated table available, right in the back corner of the restaurant. This works well in his favour.

"Get whatever you want. Tonight's on me," Baekhyun says generously. Sehun raises an eyebrow. Even through his misery, he's surprised at this offer. Then, Baekhyun quickly adds, "Not from that menu. Order from the saver one."

Sehun sighs heftily. "You are so..." His voice trails off, unable to find the right words in the jumble of his mind. He thinks Baekhyun gets the point, he holds his hand to his chest and pulls the most wounded expression he can muster. Sehun is beginning to wish he'd never been coerced into this outing. He thought getting fresh air might make him feel better but it's done nothing to alleviate his mood.

Once they've decided on their orders and Baekhyun goes up to order them, he comes back with a Diet Coke for Sehun and says, "Are you ready to talk?"

Sehun takes a sip of his drink, not wanting to answer immediately. He'll never be ready to accept what happened between him and Junmyeon, but it's not like ignoring it will change anything. He might as well get it out in the open. Not because it'll make him feel better, but because his friends will find out one way or another. They've pretty much guessed already.

"It's about Junmyeon."

"I'd guessed. Did something happen?"

The younger man looks away, feeling awkward. "We were kind of in a relationship. Since Christmas."

Baekhyun sighs. "You know, just once I'd like you to say something that surprises me. Like... 'I have a third nipple' or 'I'm actually the heir to a small principality in Europe.' You look like you could be. Anyway, we all knew that."

Sehun blinks, slightly taken aback. "Right..." Did they make it that obvious? He thought him and Junmyeon were so covert in their interactions. It makes him wonder how many other people guessed the true nature behind their relationship. "We weren't officially dating. That was the problem."

"Ah." Baekhyun nods sagely. "I think I know where this is going."

"Yeah." Sehun sighs. "I wanted more and he wasn't ready. That's the gist of it."

The older man sucks his tongue. "Didn't he keep getting spotted with his ex, too?"

"That was a totally different issue. He was using her as a beard."

"Jesus," Baekhyun pulls a face. "He really didn't want anyone knowing about you two, huh?"

Sehun ignores the pain lancing his heart. "He wasn't ready. I shouldn't have pushed him."

"It was hardly pushing since he wanted it just as much. I didn't even know he liked guys but I knew he liked you. And it was obvious something was going on between you. So it's not like you outed him or forced him into something he wasn't ready for."

Baekhyun makes excellent points, all things Sehun has thought of himself but hearing his friend agree makes him realise that he hasn't gone completely crazy, like he feared he had. While Baekhyun may act the fool, he's incredibly sharp and intelligent. Out of anyone, Sehun is glad it's Baekhyun he's talking to about this. He's been through many break-ups and knows how this goes, offering Sehun insight and advice he hadn't even considered. 

Sehun can't remember how he became friends with Baekhyun. He thinks maybe they lived near each other once upon a time, but he's not certain. He has vague memories of chasing Baekhyun on a tricycle whilst the eldest wobbled along on his skateboard. Either way, Sehun just knows that Baekhyun has been the only constant in his life for as long as he can remember. If asked about it, he will say the worst day of his life was when he became friends with Baekhyun; but really, it was probably one of the best.

Baekhyun is annoying. He's loud, inconsiderate, the most shameless flirt Sehun has ever come across, he's twenty-seven and still thinks it's funny to fart, has a laugh that cuts through Sehun like jagged glass, and he's too beautiful for his own good. Yet, despite all of this, deep down in Sehun's shrivelled little heart, he adores Baekhyun and would go to the ends of the earth for him.

Without Baekhyun, he doesn't think he'd have ever been able to get out of bed and learn how to handle this grief. After talking to his friend, the future doesn't look as bleak. Granted, it'll take a hell of a long time to get over this hurt, but Baekhyun has given Sehun hope for a brighter morrow. It won't always feel like this, he assures him, every day it'll decrease and then one day, he won't feel anything at all.

This promise is the only thing that is keeping Sehun sane. 

***

Somehow, Junmyeon survives his first day at work sans Sehun. It was a struggle, especially after the meltdown in his trailer that Joohyun managed to calm before it spiralled out of control. Chaeyoung patched up the damage to his makeup that crying had caused, looking concerned but not asking any questions. Junmyeon guesses she asked Joohyun as soon as he left, though he doubts Joohyun would have told her the whole story. While he didn't request for her to keep it a secret, he knows she has enough tact to assume this and keep it a secret. He'll probably tell Chaeyoung eventually, when he feels ready. Judging by how awful he currently feels, that may be some time.

Him and Jaehyun couldn't avoid each other forever. An hour after the incident, both men were back on set and behaving like nothing had ever happened, pushing their pride's aside for the sake of the camera. All the staff who witnessed their altercation didn't dare breathe a word about it, assuming that if they did then they would incur someone's wrath. Junmyeon wishes he had the capacity to feel anything but helplessness. He doesn't even feel resentment towards Jaehyun anymore.

The more he thought about it, the more he understood where Jaehyun was coming from. If Junmyeon knew how much he was going to push Sehun away, how badly he was going to hurt him, he would've tried to intervene too. Although he should've seen it coming, his one fatal mistake was that he, ultimately, didn't. Hence the mess he is in now.

Once he's finally home, Junmyeon changes into his pyjamas and heads into the kitchen for a late dinner. If he can keep the black thoughts at bay and maintain some kind of normalcy, maybe Sehun's absence in his life won't have such a profound impact. If Junmyeon can just gloss over it, pretend it isn't happening, then maybe whatever emotions raging in his chest will die down.

Junmyeon looks down at the two bowls he unwittingly set out, squeezing his eyes shut and clinging onto the edge of the countertop. He inhales deeply three times, centring himself before putting the extra bowl away. That was a slip-up because he lost concentration. Easily done. No more of that now. Junmyeon can't afford to lose focus of his mission.

And that is to pretend Sehun was never in his life at all.

Maybe it's cruel, but forgetting about him is the only way Junmyeon thinks he can cope.

He makes ramen for dinner, not having the energy to cook anything more complicated. He can almost hear Sehun's sarcastic voice in the background disparaging his cooking skills and calling him lazy. Junmyeon whirls around, a rebut on the tip of his tongue, before his face falls and he remembers he's alone in his apartment. 

Junmyeon takes the bowl of steaming noodles through to the lounge, there's no need to eat formally if he's on his own. This hasn't happened in a long time. On the nights him and Sehun didn't eat dinner together, he was either with Yoona or ate on set with his co-workers. Junmyeon always thought of himself as an introvert, avoiding human interaction where possible; but now he has utter solitude, he doesn't think he likes it.

He's not hungry but he forces himself to eat nonetheless, knowing he can't afford to neglect his health if he wants to keep working. Being on set is the only thing keeping him sane, if he loses that then he will lose the last thread of his sanity- it's already extremely frayed. 

While he eats, he replies to the texts from Kyungsoo he's been ignoring since earlier that afternoon. Jongin mentioned something was wrong with Sehun and of course the first person he contacted was Junmyeon, so obviously that's a conversation he's been postponing for as long as possible. There's no point playing coy, Kyungsoo will have already guessed him and Sehun have broken up (is that even the right term for the situation that they were too scared to put a label on?), no doubt it will have gotten back to the entirety of Sehun's friendship group as well. Junmyeon will forever be the bad guy to them, now. It's a shame. Sehun's group is one of the only places Junmyeon felt like he ever belonged.

It's funny how integral Sehun had become in his life without even realising it. Sehun's friends were his friends, Sehun's happiness was his own, everything Sehun felt, Junmyeon did too. How cruel to only be able to appreciate these things when they're not there anymore.

To drown out his relentless thoughts, Junmyeon turns his record player on and puts one of his favourite vinyls underneath the needle. The melancholy crooning of Coldplay fills the otherwise silent apartment, sinking even deeper into his pit of misery. 

It was the record that Sehun bought him the first time they visited Gangnam together- the first of many small gifts his personal assistant would treat him to during their time together. While Junmyeon's gifts were extravagant, Sehun's were thoughtful. All little treasures that accumulated over the months, now some of Junmyeon's most prized possessions.

"I've got this boss," Sehun had said, bringing his wallet out at the checkout of the small record store. It was one of the first times they were able to be civil to one another in the first few weeks.

"You don't have to," argued Junmyeon, refusing to swallow his pride or give Sehun ammunition to throw back in his face at a later date.

Sehun had turned to him, wearing a genuine and kind smile that knocked the air right out of the older man's lungs. "I want to."

That had been the beginning of the end for Junmyeon.

It feels wrong to mourn something that was Junmyeon's fault- that he was the catalyst of. If only he'd been more honest with Sehun and communicated instead of pulling away, this whole misunderstanding could've been avoided. Sure, Sehun might not have been happy but they could've worked out a compromise. Anything would've been better than this.

Because, how can you be sad about a breakup that was never a breakup?

How can you miss somebody that was never yours?

How can you be in love with somebody that hates you?

Sehun will be fine. He has an endless support system of friends who dote on him and love him endlessly.

Junmyeon curls up on the couch in his vast apartment, staring into space. 

He has nobody.

Chapter 37: Chapter Thirty-Seven

With his life spiralling so rapidly out of control in such a short space of time, Sehun completely forgets about his upcoming birthday in the midst of all the pain. Celebrating something as menial as becoming one year older seems utterly pointless on the scale of things. Sehun's life is falling apart at the seams, everything is meaningless and worthless, he couldn't force himself to care even if he tried.

However, his friends don't forget. On the morning of Sehun's birthday, he wakes up to Jongin coming into his room with a plate of French toast with a lit candle stuck out of it. His best friend wears a blue party hat and pulls a gold one onto Sehun's head with flourish.

"Happy birthday, Sehunnie!" He smiles widely and hands him the plate. "Make a wish."

Sehun closes his eyes and wishes, I wish Junmyeon would change his mind, before blowing out the candle. He has to act cheerful lest he wants Jongin to fuss over him, painstakingly arranging his face into a jovial mask that feels like it's about to crack at any moment. Jongin is trying to ensure he has a good day and Sehun doesn't want to throw it back in his face.

After he finishes his breakfast, he showers and Jongin says they're going shopping and for lunch. Sehun had no idea this is what he was planning but goes along with it, even if it's the last thing he wants to do. It's only been a week since he and Junmyeon called it off, he doesn't feel ready to start integrating back into society, to start acting like a normal human. He just needs a little bit more time to mourn.

There's a flurry of texts and birthday greetings across all social media platforms that Sehun replies to, yet none of them are from Junmyeon. He doesn't even know if the older man realises it's his birthday, trying to recall if he ever brought it into conversation. However, if Junmyeon's friends and staff are wishing Sehun a happy birthday, he'd think Junmyeon would too. Sehun tries not to let this ruin the day Jongin has so selflessly curated, because, really, he didn't expect Junmyeon to get in touch with him. Sehun got the hint that Junmyeon wants to forget all about him. After what he said that fateful night, Sehun doesn't blame him.

Jongin takes Sehun to the mall and a variety of department stores- designer stores, telling him to select whatever he wants and Jongin will buy him it. Unlike Baekhyun, Jongin is sincere with his offer which makes Sehun feel even more terrible. Sehun tries to protest but his best friend is determined not to back down. In the end, Sehun gets a new pair of sneakers that he doesn't really need but can't think of anything else. When Jongin informs him that this isn't his main present, it only amplifies the guilt. Sehun feels guilty wishing he'd been allowed to stay in bed for the remainder of the day, yet he gets no enjoyment from any of this- quite the opposite.

For lunch, Jongin takes Sehun to the fancy restaurant that they both fantasised about going to when they were broke university students, declaring that one day they would have enough money to go there one day. Sehun has no idea how his friend is managing to afford all of this. When he tries to ask, Jongin waves him off and assures him he has it covered- making Sehun panic even more.

However, once the food arrives, Sehun finds himself perking up and feeling grateful that Jongin brought him here. He hasn't been eating much lately so he enjoys stuffing his face with one of the best meals he's ever tasted. Because he's with Jongin, the company makes the experience all the more enjoyable. Sehun quickly changes his mind and decides he's glad that Jongin pried him off his mattress to take his mind off of things. Stewing alone in his bedroom is the worst thing he can do at the moment, he needs to get out and take his mind off of things. God knows Junmyeeon won't be moping around like this.

Jongin talks about everything under the sun apart from Junmyeon, chattering endlessly about work, things he's seen on social media, his family, the promotion he could be getting and gossip from the neighbours. Sehun doesn't know half of the people he's talking about but listens regardless, laughing and asking questions in the appropriate places. Even if Sehun isn't happy, he can feign it. Maybe if he tells himself he's cheered up then he might begin believing it. 

They go for a walk through a nearby park to admire the blossoms which have recently bloomed, Sehun didn't even notice the passing of time since he no longer has reason to leave the house. The other day on Instagram he saw Jisoo had a photoshoot amongst some trees on set, crediting Junmyeon for being the photographer.

Sehun is glad at least one of them can continue with their life as if nothing happened.

They arrive back home mid-afternoon. Sehun's social battery is utterly drained, wanting nothing more than to shower and crawl into bed. This is the most he's exerted himself in the past couple of weeks other than trudging to the kitchen and bathroom. While he appreciates the lengths Jongin went for him today, now all he wants is solitude.

When he opens the front door and all of his friends jump out from behind the furniture, dousing him with confetti and blowing party horns, he almost cries- not out of joy. Through the tears, he spots a huge banner hanging from the ceiling emblazoned with 'Happy Birthday, Sehunnie' and Baekhyun's signature smiley face at the end. The man in question is grinning expectantly at him, everyone is, all awaiting Sehun's response.

Sehun might be feeling low, but he wouldn't want to take it out on his friends and upset them. So he forces a smile, shakes his head and scolds them in a 'you guys!' kind of way. Nobody sees through the act.

"Are you surprised?" Chanyeol asks excitedly, a jaunty party hat already perched atop his head.

"Absolutely," he agrees weakly.

"You have no idea how hard it was keeping Baek quiet." Chanyeol jabs his thumb in the direction of the smaller man who is trying to arrange the balloons to look like a dick and balls. Kyungsoo smacks him upside the head. "Twice I caught him in the middle of texting you about it."

Sehun wishes he had possessed the foresight, that way he would've been able to prepare an act.

"I appreciate it," he says, sounding choked. Chanyeol isn't the most perceptive of people so he doesn't pick up on it, continuing to talk at a rapid pace about how difficult it was to organise the surprise party because of everyone's clashing schedules. Sehun wishes they hadn't gone to all of this trouble. He wishes he could feel grateful but he can't. He finds himself getting irritated about how selfless his friends are, making all these sacrifices for him when he didn't even want them to. 

Jongin steers him towards the coffee table laden down with gifts, pushing him onto the couch by his shoulders and gathering everyone around in a circle like a pushy mother. Baekhyun clamours for Sehun to open his present first, so he pushes it to the side and opens Minseok's instead.

He receives a designer cufflinks from his ex, thanking him sincerely and telling him he'll put them to good use, though Sehun can't think of one instance in the future where he'll need them. Next is Chanyeol's present, which is tickets to see one of his favourite artists when they come to the city on their tour. Sehun is speechless, feeling a lump of emotion rise in his throat as he wordlessly hugs his best friend. Chanyeol hugs him back with vigour, whispering that he deserves it after everything he's been through.

Sehun is enraged when he sees yet another present from Jongin, turning to his best friend who recoils under his furious stare. Jongin then reveals that everything this afternoon was paid for by Kyungsoo's card so Jongin didn't actually spend a penny. Sehun turns to the bespectacled man in awe.

"Thank you," he says quietly, still disarmed by this information.

Kyungsoo shrugs and says, "Happy birthday."

Jongin buys him a new coffee percolator, an updated model from the one he already owns. Sehun appreciates this for both the sentimentality and practicality, relieved that he doesn't have to buy a new one since he's only living off of his savings now. He must be sensible with his spendings until he finds another job, which as he knows is easier said than done.

Perhaps he shouldn't have been so quick to cut off his nose to spite his face, but there was no way he could have continued to work alongside Junmyeon after that. He'd rather be homeless than endure that pain and humiliation.

Eventually, Sehun gets to Baekhyun's gift and he makes a show of being unwilling to open it. Baekhyun starts to get irritated, threatening to break the new coffee machine if he doesn't get a move on. Sehun relents, albeit extremely reluctantly. However, when he does open it, he's actually glad he did save it until last.

"You got me a Switch?"

"Yeah!" Baekhyun says brightly. "Now we can play games together! Look in the box."

Sehun opens the box and two games fall out, including the one Baekhyun has been obsessed with lately about the animals living on an island. Sehun never listened to his inane ramblings but now he wishes he had.

"Thank you," he states, his voice trembling. "Thank you everyone. I don't know what to say. I-I really appreciate it."

"You're worth it, Sehunnie," Jongin strangles him with the intensity of his hug. "We love you."

"Speak for yourself," Kyungsoo says, yet the corners of his lips are soft with the ghost of a smile.

Sehun tries valiantly not to cry. Really. He swallows down the lump in his throat as hard as he can, blinks his eyes to try and rid them of unshed tears, presses his lips together to stop them trembling; but he cries anyway. At first it starts as a solitary slipping down his cheek so he hopes nobody will see it, within seconds it snowballs into a full blown flurry of sobs so intense that he can barely breathe. He buries his head in his arms, burning with shame.

His three best friends descend on him immediately, pulling him in for a joint hug while Minseok looks on in pity. Kyungsoo stares at the scene before him and feels a hot surge of anger. He whispers something to Minseok, who nods grimly, before exiting the apartment and closing the door as quietly as he can.

"I'm sorry," Sehun sobs. "I don't want to be ungrateful. I appreciate everything-"

"We know," Baekhyun says softly, smoothing his hair. "You don't have to explain it."

"You have every right to be upset," Chanyeol adds. "We're not holding it against you."

"Remember that time I got dumped on Christmas Day and got so drunk I pulled my mom's tree down? We've all been there," Jongin says comfortingly, yet Sehun isn't sure how that is meant to make him feel better. 

"It hasn't been long enough for you to totally get over it, but you will," promises Chanyeol. "He isn't the only person in the world."

While that statement may be true on a surface level, Sehun knows that Junmyeon is the only person in the world for him.

***

Junmyeon is surprised at the knock on his door, his heart swooping traitorously as he envisions who could be responsible for it. Taking a deep breath to steel his nerves, Junmyeon rests his hand on the door handle before pulling it down to reveal his guest. 

"Kyungsoo?" He can't keep the bewilderment out of his tone. Kyungsoo is not the type to turn up unannounced, he is an extremely private person so by proxy he respects other people's privacy. 

"Is it a bad time?" Kyungsoo asks, without a trace of irony. He knows Junmyeon has no prior social engagements. For the past few weeks he's been living at work and coming home to an empty apartment and slowly rotting away on his couch. It makes Junmyeon realise just how dependent he had become on Sehun, for both happiness and company.

"Not at all. Come in." Junmyeon motions his friend into his apartment, disarmed by his sudden appearance. He wishes he'd had time to prepare for his visit. Had chance to put on a more cheerful mask. Because Kyungsoo has caught him at his lowest and even though they've been friends for years, Junmyeon doesn't want to show that kind of vulnerability to anyone.

"Shouldn't you be somewhere else?" Junmyeon can't summon the strength to outwardly say Sehun's name. It's like a curse. Repeating it would rain all sorts of bad luck down upon him. Thankfully, Kyungsoo catches on.

"I was, but I had to come over and talk to you. This is getting ridiculous now."

Junmyeon's face scrunches up in confusion. "What do you mean?" 

Kyungsoo fixes him with a flat stare before sitting down heavily on the couch. Junmyeon mirrors his actions, feeling exceedingly like he is the guest in his own house. His stomach churns under Kyungsoo's obvious disapproval, wondering how he's fucked up this time. How can he have done anything when him and Sehun haven't spoken in weeks? He's been deliberately keeping to himself to avoid this kind of thing. The last person he wants to be lectured by is Kyungsoo, his haraunges are terrifying.

"When I left Sehun's apartment, he was crying," Kyungsoo deadpans. "On his birthday. Jongin said he's been unhappy all day."

Junmyeon sighs and rubs his hand over his face. He should've expected this. Despite his lack of contact with the younger man, Junmyeon hadn't forgotten what day it was. He spent all of yesterday torn between wondering whether to message Sehun or remain silent, not wanting to make the situation more difficult than it already is. Junmyeon isn't entirely selfish, if Sehun is in the process of getting over him and moving on then he doesn't want to send him spiralling. Sehun needs to get over it. It'll be better for him in the long run.

"Was it the present?"

"No, I didn't give him it. You can deliver it yourself."

"You know I can't do that."

"Why?" Kyungsoo asks sharply. "Are you that much of a coward you can't face him after what you did?"

"You know that's exactly why," the older man replies, sounding hollow. "Seeing me will only make it worse. Maybe it's for the best that he thinks I don't care anymore."

"How can you say that after everything? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"You don't get it, Soo," Junmyeon says tightly, as if he has a better grasp on his own actions. "Sehun needs to forget about me. I can't be what he needs, the sooner he realises that the better it'll be for him."

"What about you? What do you need?"

Kyungsoo's gaze is piercing and steely, causing Junmyeon to shrink under the intensity of it. It feels like Kyungsoo is staring right into his soul, able to read every single one of his secrets, the darkest things he fights to repress.

"I need to focus on work. It-It was never going to work out between us."

"So you led him on for a year and dumped him when you got cold feet."

Junmyeon doesn't like how harshly Kyungsoo says it, though in essence he's absolutely right. Junmyeon did get cold feet at the last minute, there's no way he can defend his terrible behavior. He's fully aware of all his faults, they haunt his every waking moment. This is something he's going to have to live with for the rest of his life. Sehun is just yet another person he ruined through his selfish actions.

In the absence of a reply, Kyungsoo continues.

"There's another reason I came here. I think you should go to therapy."

The older man snaps his head up. "What?"

"You're going through some serious shit- you have been for a while- which is why you need to get help. Your life is never going to get better unless you seek help. Do you want to be this unhappy forever?"

"I'm not unhappy," he says automatically, the defences building up around him already. "At the moment I am, but it won't be like this forever." 

Regardless of his protests, Kyungsoo hands him a small white business card emblazoned with the name Yoo Jeongyeon. Junmyeon stares at it blankly until his eyes lose focus and the black lettering turns into unrecognisable squiggles. 

"She's been my therapist for the past couple of years," he explains. "She's helped me get through a lot."

The card burns Junmyeon's fingertips. He works over the word 'therapy' in his mind. It makes his stomach roil in disgust. Growing up, showing weakness or asking for help was never an option. Junmyeon struggled through his battles on his own, knowing it was wrong to ask for support. Maybe being unable to accept help is half of his problem, but does the situation with Sehun really warrant going to a therapist? Junmyeon has been through break ups before- none more painful than Sungho- and he recovered from that by giving it time. While he appreciates Kyungsoo's concern, he deems it unnecessary. There's nothing this Yoo Jeongyeon could do for him that he can't do himself.

Scarily, as if he can read his mind, Kyungsoo says, "It's for more than the Sehun thing. No offence, Jun, but you're a real mess. And the fact you think you're fine is exactly why you need to give her a call."

"You didn't need therapy to accept being gay," Junmyeon says bitterly, clenching his free fist and glaring at his knees.

"No," Kyungsoo agrees. "But everyone has their problems. I had a lot of shit going on and I didn't see any way out. It was either therapy or ending it. I chose the right option. You should too."

Junmyeon is humbled into silence. He's never known Kyungsoo to speak so openly before, normally he's an impenetrable fortress who refuses to let anyone get too close. While he is happy to dole out advice and offer a shoulder to cry on, he never expects the inverse. If someone as stubborn as Kyungsoo could swallow his pride and go to therapy, and benefit so greatly from it, couldn't Junmyeon?

"What if she told people?"

Kyungsoo can't help but snort. "Patient confidentiality, dumbass. Have my issues been spread across the tabloids? No. Yours wouldn't either."

Junmyeon twirls the card deftly between his fingers, no longer feeling as if he's handling a bomb. Maybe Kyungsoo is right. Junmyeon would do anything to eradicate this self-loathing and exhaustion. Therapy could be just the thing. He supposes he can't write it off before he's even tried it. If this option doesn't work then he'll have to come up with a different solution.

"I'll think about it," he says, pocketing the card.

***

The waiting area is vast and airy, bright from the huge windows that filter in an unnatural amount of sunlight. Junmyeon imagines this amount of light is to invoke some feelings of warmth and comfort, though he feels nothing of the sort. He didn't sleep last night and is running on adrenaline and anxiety, twitching and unable to stop shaking. His eyes flit to the large clock every few seconds, wondering if it would be prudent of him to escape while he still has the chance. 

It's been two weeks since his talk with Kyungsoo, only having found the nerve to call Yoo Jeongyeon for an appointment four days ago after a week and a half of agonising inner turmoil. He was pleasantly surprised at the swiftness in which she was able to fit him in for his first appointment, yet a part of him had been hoping the process would be a lot slower so it would give him more time to wrap his head around it. Because he, named Prince Charming and Mr Perfect by those in the industry, is going to therapy. Because Junmyeon is not, in fact, Mr Perfect. Not by a long shot. Only after Kyungsoo left did he do some soul-searching before also coming to the conclusion that his mind was a mess. As of late, being trapped in his own head has become borderline unlivable. Junmyeon sympathises with how Kyungsoo was pushed to his breaking point and thought there was no other way out.

Reaching out to begin getting help was perhaps the biggest hurdle Junmyeon has ever overcome. After much gentle persuasion from Sooyoung, Yerim and Joohyun, he bit the bullet and made the call. While Joohyun wasn't as forthright as Kyungsoo, she sternly told him in her own words that he needed to do it. That there was no shame in needing support.

Thus leading him to this exact moment, anxiously awaiting his name to be called to begin the first step of what he hopes is a successful journey. If Junmyeon can get anything from this, he just hopes he can find inner peace. To not constantly feel at war with all the juxtaposing sides of his personality.

"Mr Kim?" A young woman steps into the waiting area. "Miss Yoo is ready to see you."

Junmyeon stands up and smiles nervously, wondering what is currently going through the receptionist's mind. Does she recognise him? Wonder why such a pristine figure is seeking the aid of a therapist? The smile she gives him is genuine and her eyes are kind, causing Junmyeon to believe he's just being paranoid.

Swallowing the remainder of his pride, Junmyeon inhales deeply and pushes open the door that bears the plaque of his therapist's name. Stepping inside, the only coherent thought he can summon is: it smells like mint.

A woman stands up from a large, plush blue chair and smiles warmly at him, almost exactly mirroring that of the receptionist's.

This must be the smile you give crazy people, Junmyeon thinks.

"Hello, Mr Kim," she greets, walking over to shake his hand. "I'm Yoo Jeongyeon. It's nice to meet you. Would you like some tea? I just brewed a pot of peppermint. I have others if that isn't to your taste."

"That would be lovely, thanks," he says, becoming increasingly flustered.

"Please, take a seat." She motions to the chair that is less decadent. Momentarily, she turns her back to Junmyeon as she pours the tea into two mugs and he lowers himself into the chair. He flashes her a small smile once she hands him the steaming cup, before she sits directly opposite him.

"How are you feeling today?"

"A little bit nervous," he admits, not seeing any point in lying. Perhaps telling the truth will get him further. "I've never done anything like this before."

Jeongyeon scribbles something down in her notebook. "It's perfectly understandable to feel that way. It takes a lot of courage to seek help, the hardest part is definitely over. All we'll do today is an evaluation and then we'll take it from there. Does that sound okay to you?"

"Definitely."

"Perfect," she nods. "So, what are some of your mental health symptoms?" 

Chapter 38: Chapter Thirty-Eight

Since Sehun is currently unemployed and the savings in his bank account are rapidly dwindling with outgoing bills and rent, there's no other option but for him to get another job. The day after his birthday, he opens his laptop and starts scouring the most popular employment websites and bookmarks potential opportunities. It takes him the whole afternoon to tweak his CV to include his experience working with Junmyeon, albeit he never wants to take another position as a personal assistant.

In the following days, he applies for numerous positions ranging from barista (something he promised to never do again but in times like this he can't be picky), store assistant, a janitor and in a moment of utter desperation, a youth pastor.

The first establishment to get back in touch with him is the clothing store, replying to his email the very same day and asking when he'd be available for an interview. After a few more exchanges to the faceless manager, Sehun arranges an interview for the following Monday at ten am.

He doesn't totally rule out the other positions, also replying to the office building that needs a janitor but he's much less enthusiastic about this one. Sure, he doesn't think himself above the job, he's just afraid it'll become tedious in comparison to his previous occupation. Sehun doesn't think he would want to go back to another boring job. Still, as Jongin reminds him, beggars can't be choosers. Hopefully whatever occupation he gets will only be temporary before something more suitable comes up. Sehun checks the employment websites every day, constantly living in hope of a way out.

He's not as nervous as he expected to be as he drives downtown on Monday morning. The logic he uses is that nothing could end as disastrously as his last job- the worst has already happened, what does he have to fear now? Absolutely nothing.

As he walks down the high street, there's a strange tug of nostalgia in the back of his mind, yet Sehun can't put his finger on it. He's walked down this street numerous times without ever eliciting this feeling before, why would it suddenly appear now? Since the distance from the parking lot to the store is only short, Sehun doesn't have much time to delve further into his mind because he's soon pushing open the glass door and stepping inside the air-conditioned building.

"I'll be with you in a minute!" A voice calls from somewhere in the back. Sehun uses these brief moments to quickly give his appearance a once-over in a nearby mirror, adjusting his blazer and sleeking down his hair one last time. There's a crashing noise from the back room, muffled cursing and then the squeak of a door being opened.

"Sorry for the wait. You must be- hey, I know you!"

Sehun's blood runs cold as he stares helplessly at the tall man before him, inwardly cursing himself for being such a fucking idiot. For a frenzied second, he considers sprinting for the door and never looking back.

"You used to work for Kim Junmyeon, right? It's been nearly a year since I last saw you two."

Even the mere mention of the older man is enough for bile to rise in Sehun's throat.

"I did," he nods. "Johnny, right?"

"Yeah!" Johnny grins. "How is he? Wait, maybe I shouldn't ask that if you don't work for him anymore."

"It's fine," Sehun says quickly, not wanting him to get the impression anything is amiss. "It didn't end on bad terms. It just got too overwhelming, you know? I wasn't best qualified for the position."

"Ha, I bet! I can't even begin to imagine what that poor guy goes through. He's so nice and down to earth, too. Makes me feel bad for him."

Sehun nods awkwardly, praying that Johnny doesn't keep talking or else he'll scream or cry or vomit or all three.

"Anyway, we're not here to talk about him. Come to the back, I tried to tidy the place up as best I could but it's a bit hectic at the moment. Award season is coming up. Maybe you'll get to see Junmyeon again."

Sehun refrains from mentioning how he would rather crawl on broken glass than ever have to face Junmyeon, let alone in the work setting, and makes a noncommittal noise in the back of his throat. Whether Johnny picks up on his unwillingness to talk further about it, Sehun is uncertain, but the looming interview is actually preferable than talking about his old boss.

It lasts slightly longer than Sehun was expecting- just over an hour. However, half of that time is taken up by Johnny chatting about trivial things that don't relate to the job in the slightest. Sehun is happy to schmooze- anything that'll increase his chances of getting hired- and would go as far to say that he and Johnny have built a good repertoire. Aside from Junmyeon occasionally coming to the store, this job would be perfect: the pay is good, Sehun already knows one of the managers, and the work itself sounds easy enough. Johnny says that Sehun is aesthetically pleasing enough to attract new customers, Sehun can't help but feel this comment is slightly beyond the realms of professionalism but he goes along with it anyway.

Sehun doesn't expect to hear the verdict straightaway since Johnny insinuated that many people applied for the job- it's a well-known store- but he tells Sehun that he has the position anyway.

"Are you kidding?" Sehun can't help blurt, unable to stop himself.

Johnny chuckles. "You haven't given me any reason to think you wouldn't be suitable, so sure. The job is yours."

Sehun shakes Johnny's hand so enthusiastically his joints almost pop. "Thank you so much."

"Be here for eight am on Wednesday and I'll show you around before opening time. It's good to have you on board, Oh Sehun."

***

Junmyeon's first month of therapy goes well, despite having constant reservations about it and the urge to cancel always being at the forefront of his mind. However, at the end of his monthly evaluation, he's pleased that he continued. Although he hasn't been cured (Jeongyeon warned him the effects wouldn't be instantaneous, it'd take time and patience), Junmyeon has gained a much better understanding of himself as a person. At first he felt stupid that it took therapy to give him this realisaton, but Jeongyeon assured him this was completely normal. Junmyeon appreciates how she never loses his temper with him, even when he can feel himself overreacting or retracting back into his shell.

The filming for My Brother's Best Friend finally ends and Junmyeon couldn't be happier. Nothing has been the same since Sehun left, and the underlying tension between him and Jaehyun made things borderline unbearable during the final weeks. The only part Junmyeon regrets is that he won't be able to see Jisoo every day, though she assures him she'll keep in touch as frequently as she can. She's moving straight onto filming another drama while Junmyeon has a brief resting period, though he has to work it around interviews with cast members and photoshoots for magazine articles.

The only thing that keeps him sane is his weekly appointments with Jeongyeon, who gives him suggestions on how to spend his free time. Previously he would've spent it glued at Sehun's hip, since that's not an option anymore he has to find ways to entertain himself. He takes up the piano again, writes a few songs that'll never see the light of day and tries to expand his culinary skills. Sooyoung and Yerim are more than happy to be the taste testers.

During lunch one afternoon with Minseok, he finds out that Sehun has found a new job working in one of the fashionable, high-end stores on the high street where Junmyeon shops for his own garments. With award season approaching, he makes the conscious effort of telling his stylist to search elsewhere for his clothes, not wanting to run the risk of bumping into Sehun. Both of them are moving on and recovering, they don't need the painful reminders.

Junmyeon has a new personal assistant too, Jongdae finds her almost two weeks after Sehun's sudden exodus. She's only young- nineteen, hardly old enough to be in such a stressful position- but Junmyeon likes her nonetheless. Her name is Kim Jiwoo and she's the sunniest person Junmyeon has ever met, she brings light to his dismal world without Sehun. She'll never replace his old assistant, but Junmyeon is thankful for her presence regardless. She's eager to please and willing to learn, which is the main thing. She's only been working with him for just over a month but she's adjusting well.

Everything is going well in his life. Much better than he expected it to, anyway. Junmyeon presumed he would remain in a rut for the foreseeable future with no way out, he'd subjected himself to this fate. So for things to begin working in his favour greatly surprises him. Although a part of him didn't want to move on from his old life, the process has begun happening without his realisation. Of course he'll never fully move on from Sehun, Junmyeon is the type of person who holds people close to his heart forever, despite what happened between them, but he hopes the inverse happens to the younger man. He hopes Sehun finds inner peace and forgets he ever wasted his time on Junmyeon.

It's better for everyone.

***

Sehun is thrown straight into the deep end at his new job, though he isn't surprised since Johnny warned him this would happen. Celebrities from all over the country are requesting orders, ranging from dresses to two-pieces, in time for award season. Sehun loses count of how many measuring sessions he partakes in, how many famous faces flit in and out of the store. Working with Junmyeon has made him immune to being starstruck, he knows better than anyone that celebrities aren't all that they're made up to be. When he reveals this to Johnny during one lunch break, the younger man agrees with the sentiment. He's been serving the stars ever since he left college, long ago did he stop being intimidated by them.

Aside from the job itself, Sehun has formed a close camaraderie with Johnny and the other members of staff he's typically put on shift with. There's Park Jihyo, another one of the managers alongside Johnny, whom he has grown well acquainted with. Another young girl called Yoo Jimin who happens to be on all of his weekend shifts, due to the fact she's a college student and this is her part time job. She's more reserved than the others, which sometimes earns her flack in the staffroom, but Sehun appreciates the quiet shifts with her. For all his acting and professional face, Sehun feels very reticent these days, too.

Then there's Lee Donghyuck, perhaps the most troublesome of all. He has a loud mouth and lives to bother Johnny, admitting that winding his boss up is indeed his favourite pastime. Johnny has a calm temperament usually, but Sehun has seen the mask slip very occasionally when Donghyuck presses the right buttons. And he knows exactly what to press every time.

Sehun wouldn't go as far to say that he's happy with life now, but he's content. And he knows that's preferable to being miserable. He has a reason to get up every morning and that's good enough for him. Before working here, he didn't see a way out. Yet, as he assures his friends every time he meets up with them, it's getting better. He'll never forget Junmyeon- how could you possibly forget your first love?- and he suspects the wounds will always be raw, but he is very slowly healing on the inside. No longer does he harbour bitter resentment and hatred. He's just sorry.

There's times when he considers telling Junmyeon this, typing out a long emotional paragraph in the text bubble and reading it over while chewing his lip. In the end, he always deletes it while burning with shame. No words could ever salvage this. Sehun knows it's a lost cause- especially when he finds out from Johnny that Junmyeon has finalised his tab and will no longer be using the store- yet he's never able to completely quell the miniscule spark of hope in his chest. That maybe one day Junmyeon will come to his senses, realising that Sehun meant as much to him as he did to Sehun.

As the days go by and the silence stretches, Sehun accepts the fact that he didn't matter at all.

***

When Jeongyeon approaches the topic of medication, Junmyeon is mortified. His intrinsic reaction is to blanch and shake his head, already stuttering out a reason why he can't accept it. Jeongyeon holds her hands up and tries to soothe him, reassuring him it was just a suggestion and he doesn't have to agree if he isn't comfortable. Despite being in therapy for a month and a half, coming on leaps and bounds, this is a hurdle he isn't prepared to face quite yet. Jeongyeon drops the subject completely, though gives him the appropriate pamphlets and tells him to do his research regardless.

He mulls over it during the following days, researching the specific medication Jeongyeon suggested and balking at all the awful side effects. He calls her up in a panic to inquire about them and she soothes his concerns by saying it works differently for everyone- Junmyeon could experience no side effects if he's lucky. However, if this particular medicine isn't suitable, they can try different ones. Junmyeon had no idea there was such an array.

He briefly talks it through with Kyungsoo since he's the only person Junmyeon knows who will have insight into this. He admits that he's been on medication for the past year and it works perfectly for him. He says it's the only thing that keeps him going on a daily basis.

"What about Jongin?" Junmyeon blurts, unable to stop himself.

Kyungsoo raises an almost pitying eyebrow. "Jongin can't fix me. That's up to me."

It's such a simple statement, yet so impactful. It gives Junmyeon even more to think about it. Only then does he realise how wrong he got his relationship with Sehun. He agreed to being with the younger man with the hopes that eventually Sehun would be able to heal him, without ever realising that it was up to Junmyeon the whole time. All of this has to come from him. No one else can put in the work. It's hard, but Junmyeon knows what he has to do.

He's not getting better for Sehun, he needs this help for his own sanity, but there's a small part of him that still hopes that there's a chance that one day, they can amend their tattered relationship. Perhaps if Sehun realises how much Junmyeon has changed then he may consider giving him a second chance- not that Junmyeon deserves it. If Sehun has already come to this conclusion, he can't say he blames him.

There's no excuse for how Junmyeon treated Sehun, but he hopes that one day he can make it up to him and show him how he's changed. Even if it's not enough to gain him a second chance, Junmyeon needs to make up for all the pain he's caused. While he doesn't know exactly how to achieve that, he knows it all begins with improving himself as a person.

That's why, after much more careful deliberation, at his next therapy session, he agrees to the medication prescription. Jeongyeon smiles and says she's glad he reconsidered, thinking they'll help him on the path to recovery. Junmyeon knows medication won't instantly make all of his problems disappear, but he's willing to give them a try. If they're good enough for Kyungsoo then they're good enough for him.

As it turns out, Junmyeon is extremely grateful he decided to give the medication a chance because soon after that exact session is when his life resumes it's normal chaos and disarray. He gets a call which informs him that he's been selected as the leading actor in a new blockbuster movie, though he wasn't at all on top form when he auditioned. Junmyeon thanks whatever higher being is looking out for him and keeps granting him these blessings when he's the last person who deserves them.

There's no way he could've survived what came next without the help of the tablets, yet it was extremely hard in the interim it took for them to start working. Once they did, however, the change was almost unbelievable. No longer was Junmyeon crippled with anxiety or constantly choking on melancholy, in fact, he was able to perform better than he had in his whole career. Joohyun was the first one who picked up on this and questioned the drastic change. Junmyeon hadn't gone into detail about it, only casually mentioning he was going to therapy, but he told her this was the reason why. Then, in a bizarre moment of intimacy, she hugged him and told him how proud she was.

Now, things have settled down and Junmyeon feels the best he has in a while. His career is at a peak, life has regained some balance, and his relationships with his friends are stronger than ever. He has every reason to be happy, and he is, to a certain extent.

That doesn't mean he'll ever stop missing Sehun.

***

"There's a dress fitting this afternoon," Johnny tells Sehun and Jimin as he breezes past them, nose buried in his iPad.

Sehun wrinkles his nose. "Since when?"

"It's a last minute thing. The client had her dress for the DCA's but changed her mind last minute. Apparently it didn't fit with the theme."

"There's a theme this year?" Jimin, an avid drama consumer, asks excitedly.

"Don't ask me," Johnny groans. "You know I don't watch that crap."

The young girl pouts but falls back against the register, leaning against it and crossing her arms. Johnny appears unbothered that he's caused such offence because he continues running through the day's itinerary, reeling off a list of things that need doing before lunchtime so he can log them into the tablet. It's just Sehun and Jimin on the shop floor today, meaning everything will get done on time and to the highest standard. If Sehun had been working with Donghyuck, however...

Once Johnny leaves, Jimin furtively pulls her phone out from her back pocket and rapidly begins typing, the screen so close to her face that Sehun is amazed she can see anything at all.

"Stupid question, but: What're you doing?"

"Googling who's going to this year's DCA's," Jimin says excitedly. "So we know who might be coming in."

"Does it really matter? It's not like you're allowed to ask for their autographs," he points out. Not nastily, just diplomatic. Jimin, however, looks up from the device with a scowl.

"Of course it does! It doesn't matter if I don't get an autograph, meeting them will just be enough." She sighs wistfully. "You were so lucky to work for Kim Junmyeon. I'd give anything to meet him! He's my favourite actor, along with Jung Jaehyun."

Sehun's hand stiffen imperceptibly as he continues writing, painstakingly avoiding looking up at the younger girl. It's been so long since he last heard that name, from those around him or through social media, too. He blocked every possible media outlet that might report about Junmyeon, as many fan accounts as he could find and blacklisted his name so none of his content could filter through. Contrary to what it may seem, Sehun doesn't hate Junmyeon (far from it, he's still in love with him and presumes a small piece of him always will be), yet he recognises how counterproductive it is to see him everywhere. He's not ashamed to admit that it's too painful. The wounds are still raw even after all these months.

Sehun knows he should've moved on (he assumes Junmyeon will have done because nothing has the ability to knock him off his perch, especially Sehun), but there is just something blocking his way. Stopping him from getting over it entirely. Perhaps it's the tiny, traitorous slither of hope that is constantly writhing in his chest at the expectation Junmyeon might one day reach out and try to make amends. This is the only reason Sehun didn't block his number, just in case he changed his mind.

Just in case he realises what truly matters to him.

"Never meet your heroes," Sehun tells her. "They'll disappoint you every time."

"What? Are you saying Junmyeon is bad?"

"No, but it's always better to admire people from a distance," he shrugs. "That way the illusion is never ruined."

Jimin sighs. "I guess you're right. Sorry if I brought up any trauma or something. Johnny said I shouldn't bug you about it."

Sehun chokes slightly. "I-it's okay."

One of the first things every member of staff did when they met Sehun was immediately inquire about his relationship with Junmyeon, wanting to know every gritty detail about his life and who he truly is as a person. Out of loyalty, Sehun never revealed a thing- not even mundane information that wouldn't affect his career in the slightest. Sehun said it was the NDA's, when in reality, even after everything that transpired between them, he couldn't do anything to hurt Junmyeon. Little does Sehun know that the words he said that night hurt the older man beyond repair.

He makes a conscious effort to think of other things as not to reminisce on Junmyeon, busying himself with mundane tasks that don't really need doing as a way to keep his mind occupied. Because he's so distracted, he doesn't even give their mystery customer a second thought until later in the day when they're closing up the shop in anticipation of their arrival. Jimin is vibrating with excitement, clenching her hands into fists to prevent the tremors being obvious. Since she only works part time, she often misses out on the exciting aspect of the job. Something she never fails to whine about.

"I think they're here!" She gasps, fervently peeking out of the window. "I can't see who it is since there's so many security guards."

"Get away from the window," hisses Sehun, not wanting her to make a bad impression. Any negative feedback towards the staff can have a detrimental effect on the reputation of the store. And Sehun doesn't want to go through the hassle of finding a new job just yet.

Bodyguard's pour into the store before their customer does, shielding by their broad bodies and the sheer amount of them. The men step aside and create a path straight down the middle, revealing a petite woman dressed in all black. Working with Junmyeon, Sehun became accustomed to seeing all sorts of bizarre get-ups to remain covert. The woman slides off her enormous sunglasses and pulls down her mask, letting out a sigh of relief.

Sehun's heart completely stills in his chest.

"Jisoo?" He cannot help blurting out.

"Sehun?" Her voice drips with astonishment. "You work here now?"

"Didn't you know? I had a bit of a career change," he says wryly. She laughs loudly, surging forward to encase him in a hug. For someone so small, she has a concerning amount of strength. Sehun holds her close to his chest, still unable to wrap his head around the situation. When he finished working with Junmyeon he never expected to run into anyone from his past again, or if he did he wouldn't expect them to recognise him. Despite how close him and Jisoo were, Sehun assumed she'd taken Junmyeon's side. 

Jisoo holds him at arm's length, studying his features. "It's so good to see you! How've you been?"

"Good," he nods, lying through his teeth. "What about you? Congratulations on your role in When I Fell From The Sky, by the way."

She grins. "Thanks! Everything is going well. Lisa was back for a while but she's going away again next week. You know how it is."

"Yeah. Send her my regards." Out of everyone, Lisa was one of the only people Sehun still spoke to once he terminated his employment. They still text, though it's very occasional. Along with Chaeyoung, they're the only people Sehun liked enough to put aside his bitterness for.

"Of course. Hey, did she tell you about-?"

"Miss Kim?" One of the body guards speaks up. "You're on a tight schedule today. You need to be finished by two."

Jisoo sighs heftily. "Okay. Shall we begin?"

Jimin, who had previously been trembling in awe in the corner, and is now three shades paler, steps forward and motions with her hand. "R-right this way, Miss Kim."

Sehun waits outside the dressing room while Jimin leads Jisoo inside and helps her into the monstrous amount of material. Sehun doesn't envy the actress, having to sit in that dress all night seems like torture. Constantly walking onstage to collect awards even moreso.

If one positive thing has come out of him and Junmyeon's split, it's that Sehun never has to step foot on another red carpet again.

One pro amongst innumerable cons.

Jimin calls Sehun once Jisoo is dressed, Sehun has to stop dead on the threshold in awe when he sees the sight before him. Jisoo looks absolutely stunning, the midnight blue material compliments her beautifully. The stiff corset bedazzled with diamonds manages to catch every light in the room, causing her to glow like a celestial being. Jisoo twirls around to fan out the enormous skirt, then wobbles with the weight of it and clutches onto Jimin's arm to steady herself. The young girl looks like she's died and gone to heaven.

"Thoughts?" Jisoo asks, sticking her hand on her hip.

Sehun shrugs. "Average."

Jisoo swats his shoulder and Jimin glares daggers at him, yet doesn't dare call him out on his rudeness in front of the other woman. Judging by her behaviour, Sehun hazards a guess that Jimin is a huge Kim Jisoo fan.

"Would you mind leaving us alone?" Jisoo turns to her, smiling politely.

"O-of course!" Jimin bows. "Let me know if you need anything!"

She scurries out of the room obediently, silence immediately falls upon them. Sehun's stomach roils uncomfortably, already predicting what's about to come next by Jisoo's maudlin mien.

"How have you really been, Sehun?"

"Fine," he replies, with the slightest of edges. "I didn't try to throw myself off a building, if that's what you're wondering."

"It wasn't, but if you're thinking like that then maybe you need to be put on a watchlist." She sighs. "God, this thing is heavy. Get me a chair, will you?"

Sehun complies instantly, passing her the chair from the corner and she lets out a theatrical breath of relief once she's off her feet.

"You're not going to ask about Junmyeon?"

Sehun partially raises his eyebrow. "Should I?"

"If you cared about him, then yes. He was terrible, by the way. He was inconsolable for weeks. Just... broken." She shudders, as if merely reminiscing is enough to traumatise her. A hot spike of irritation pinches Sehun's gut.

"What do you want me to say?" Sehun asks flatly, unable to remain polite. "Nothing will make a difference."

"I only want to understand what happened a bit better. Junmyeon didn't tell me, go figure. I thought you might be a bit more open."

Because Sehun really does like Jisoo- feels like he owes her in a strange way- he sighs in defeat.

"It wasn't going to work," he states. "We wanted different things. He couldn't give me what I wanted and I couldn't be what he needed. It happens."

Jisoo nods in acknowledgement. "Right. He pushed you away because he isn't ready to accept himself. You lashed out and said all those hurtful things."

He squirms in shame. He didn't know Junmyeon would reveal that to anybody. Especially Jisoo. Now Sehun just feels like a dick.

"I'm not judging, I totally get it," she adds, as if she can read his mind. "I know how hard it is to accept something that colossal- especially in the industry we're in. And I understand how hard it can be for someone to go along with that. You both want normal lives but in different ways."

Sehun's eyes fall downcast. "Yeah. That's exactly it."

"I've been there. There was a girl in college..." Jisoo's voice trails off distantly. "It doesn't matter now, but there's still times where I feel bad about how I treated her. I know Junmyeon feels the same. It was never his intention to push you away. He loves you."

Sehun physically recoils at this statement. "Why are you saying this?"

"Because I know Junmyeon is too proud to cave in first," shrugs Jisoo. "And he's terrified he's pushed you away forever. He thinks you hate him, which is why he hasn't called. Do you hate him?" Her gaze pierces right through him, bearing into the innermost part of his soul.

Does Sehun hate Junmyeon? He'd like to, it'd certainly make things easier. Maybe he'd be able to forget all about him that way. If he hated Junmyeon, then he could stop looking back on all the fond memories he has of the man and regretting his decision even more with every passing day. Sehun could lie to Jisoo in an attempt to drop the topic, something tells him she'd know he was lying.

"No," he says truthfully. "I don't think I ever could. But I'm not... It's better for both of us this way."

"Do you think so?" She asks lightly. "You could be right. He's a lot better these days. He goes to therapy, he's got some really good medication- he's a changed person."

A hard lump of emotion swells in Sehun's throat, almost making it impossible to breathe. He knows what Jisoo is trying to do, he can't fall for it.

"Good," he says, voice cracking. "He deserves to be happy."

He just couldn't be happy with me.

Jisoo smiles and stands up. "He does. He'll get there one day. Now, find me a pen and paper so I can give that girl my autograph before I leave. I need to take this thing off and it's gonna take at least fifteen minutes."

***

At the end of the day, Johnny finds Sehun staring into space in the staff room, eyebrows knitted together and chewing on his bottom lip. He doesn't know how long he's been in this borderline cataonic trance.

"You should've left fifteen minutes ago," Johnny's voice lilts in amusement. "Jimin said you blitzed the whole building before closing time, too. What's with you today?"

Sehun gives his head a small shake, coming back down to earth. "Sorry."

Johnny arches an eyebrow. "You're sorry for being thorough about your job?"

"Not exactly, I just have stuff on my mind. I'll leave now so you can close up."

"Wait," calls Johnny as Sehun is gathering his belongings. He turns to face his boss expectantly, who suddenly looks bashful. This isn't an emotion he typically showcases, normally he's extremely self-assured. "Seeing as you're already here... Do you want to get dinner? It's not exactly late and if you have stuff on your mind it might be good for you."

Sehun pauses, wondering if he heard him correctly. With the way Johnny is looking anywhere in the room but at Sehun, he definitely isn't mistaken.

A small, genuine smile spreads across Sehun's face. "Sure. I'd like that."

Notes:

hello! i am alive and extremely sorry for the long wait :D

Chapter 39: Chapter Thirty-Nine

Junmyeon doesn’t believe he’s being delusional in his assessment that he’s slowly getting better. Jeongyeon has supported this statement, agreeing wholeheartedly with a proud smile on her face. If anyone has the right to judge then it’s her. 

Junmyeon has been in therapy for six months now, has been on medication for three, and feels that life is as good as it’s going to get. Of course there’s always going to be something missing, but one of the many things Junmyeon has learnt on this journey is to let go. To let old wounds heal over and try his utmost best not to pick at them and leave them raw. 

He hasn’t forgotten Sehun and doubts he ever will. He’ll always regard Sehun as the ‘one who got away’ (a phrase Jeongyeon coined for him that Junmyeon finds bitterly sweet), though apparently everyone has one of them. You never fully get over it, but life goes on and you have no other option than to move on with the tide. 

Instead of looking back on his time with Sehun with resentment and melancholy, he now has the capacity to reminisce with fondness- thankful for everything that the younger man taught him. Without Sehun, Junmyeon highly doubts he would’ve been brave enough to seek help. Sehun taught him so much about resilience and strength, Junmyeon only wishes there was some way he could thank him. 

Junmyeon decides that the best way to show his gratitude is never to disturb him again. Allowing Sehun to forget him and recover from all the hurt he caused is the greatest gift Junmyeon could offer him. 

***

There comes a time after much deliberation that Junmyeon decides to revisit an old promise. He had to ensure he was mentally prepared enough for the inevitable catastrophic fallout that will be a result of it, but these days he thinks he has enough emotional fortitude to withstand whatever consequences will occur. 

The promise was one he made to himself, never daring to voice it aloud because in those days he was too cowardly to mean it, but things are different now. He is different. 

If he is to completely move forward and embrace this new life he has forged for himself, loose ends must be tied- no matter how painful it will be. 

He doesn’t tell anyone what he’s setting out to do, not even Jeongyeon whom he consults every single life decision with these days. Along the way she stopped becoming a therapist and became a friend instead, one of his only lifelines. Out of everyone in the whole world, Jeongyeon knows him best; because she’s the only person he’s ever opened up to. 

It could’ve been like this had he found the courage to be honest with Sehun. But he didn’t. And there’s nothing he can do to rectify it, so there’s no point even thinking along those lines. Junmyeon will eventually grow out of this mindset, though it’s impossible to determine when . Jeongyeon couldn’t give him a concrete answer when he asked her. 

Regardless of how much he’s dwelled on this decision, obsessively weighing up the pros and cons and driving himself to the brink of insanity, Junmyeon is still beset with nerves. He’s not sure why, since it could go either of two ways and- to be brutally honest- he doesn’t care which. He thinks it’s the premise of his actions. It’s always terrifying doing this, no matter how confident you feel or how long you’ve accepted yourself for. 

To drown out any unwelcome thoughts, Junmyeon turns the radio up so it’s painfully loud to the point it gives him a headache. Feigning confidence, he sings along to the songs he knows and nods along to the ones he doesn’t. Something Junmyeon has realised lately is that car journeys are no fun on your own. He misses his favourite passenger. It isn’t the same looking over and seeing an empty seat; having no one to smile in adoration at. 

As if the universe is working against him (Junmyeon believes this is a likely possibility looking at everything that has happened over the past few months), the journey is a quick one without any hold-ups. There’s no more excuses now. It’s time. 

Inhaling deeply and calming his nerves, Junmyeon rings the doorbell and takes a step back, arranging his face into a neutral expression. All these years in the industry have come in useful for something. When his mom answers the door with a surprised but genuine smile, she doesn’t suspect a thing. After briefly air-hugging him, she waves him inside and leads him into the lounge. As if he is a guest in his own childhood home. 

“What a nice surprise!” Minji sits down on the armchair opposite him. “You should’ve told us you were coming. Are you staying for dinner?” 

Junmyeon sits on his hands so as not to fiddle with them. “Probably not. Is Dad home?” 

“He’s in his study. I’ll call him.” 

Instead of leaving the room to go and find him as would happen in a normal household, because the Kim residence is so immense she picks up her cell phone and calls her husband. Junmyeon doesn’t hear his response, just the crackle of static from the other line. Though he hazards a guess his father isn’t as joyous to see him. He never is. 

Jaesuk appears minutes later, looking as deadpan as expected. 

“Good to see you, Junmyeon,” he greets with a formal handshake. He’s never known how else to greet his sons, treating them like colleagues instead of children. 

“And you.” Junmyeon sits back down. 

The tension in the room has increased tenfold with his father’s presence. Minji stiffens too, feeling the palpable rigidity herself. She flashes her son a nervous smile. It’s almost like she can read his mind. 

“Did you not think to call us before turning up?” Jaesuk sighs, sounding aggravated already. Junmyeon thinks this is a new record, he’s only said two words to his father and annoyed him already. In a sick, twisted way, he takes great delight in knowing what he’s about to do will annoy him even further. 

“I decided on a bit of a whim. Sorry.” His smile is as false as his apology. “I have good reason to come, though.”

Minji smiles encouragingly. “That sounds promising! What is it? Are you and Yoona finally dating?” 

Her comment disarms Junmyeon slightly and he has to take a second to process her statement, wondering where she’d have gotten this impression from. Then he remembers that his parents don’t know anything about his personal life, they take their news about him from the media outlets just like his fans do. They saw him stepping out with Yoona a few times and made their own presumptions. 

So much has happened in this interval that Junmyeon had forgotten all about her. Once Yoona started seeing another actor, she dropped Junmyeon immediately. Not that he’s complaining. Not having to care for her, as well as himself, is very relieving. He doesn’t have to aid two people’s recoveries at once. 

“The opposite, actually.” 

Minji cocks her head in confusion and Jaesuk arches an eyebrow. 

“Oh dear. Did something go wrong? Did you break up again?” 

Junmyeon shakes his head and says, “We were never dating. At least not the second time around. We were friends.” 

“Have you found someone else?” Jaesuk inquires, sitting up more attentively. 

For how little time he has for his son normally, he’s suddenly taking a keen interest. Setting himself up for even more disappointment. 

“No. It’s nothing like that.”

“Then what is it?” His mom asks, borderline impatient. “You’re making us worried.” 

Junmyeon has thought of every way he could make his announcement, trying to find the exact words to simultaneously get his point across yet also soften the blow. He thought he had to take his parent’s feelings into account, trying to make the situation easier on them even though it’s him who has struggled his entire life. 

That was before he realised he owed them anything. This is one of the most important lessons he has learned. So he comes right out and says it, the truth that has burdened him for so long. 

“I’m gay.” 

It’s hard to distinguish which of his parents is more stunned. Jaesuk’s face viscerally curdles in revulsion while Minji’s jaw swings on its hinges, the most undignified Junmyeon has ever seen her look. A petty spike of thrill runs through him, knowing he managed to garner such a reaction. 

In the prolonged moments of terse silence, Junmyeon doesn’t breathe. He waits on bated breath for somebody to speak, refusing to be the one to reach out to them. As is obvious, he’s done trying to please them. 

“My goodness,” Minji says softly. “This is certainly a surprise.”

Her words are ambiguous in a way that Junmyeon can’t discern how she’s truly feeling. Her mien remains dazed, refusing to give anything away. Jaesuk, on the other hand, is much more expressive. He continues to level Junmyeon with a hard gaze, his dark eyes set like flint in his skull.

"I just thought I should tell you-"

His father eventually intervenes. “I wish you hadn't. Wasn't this something you should have kept to yourself?"

The force of his words hit Junmyeon squarely in the stomach like a punch. Despite repeating to himself that he doesn’t care about his parent’s approval, Jaesuk’s reproachful reaction still hurts. A hard lump of emotion sticks in Junmyeon’s throat as he flounders for his next words. 

"Well it's been bothering me for a while, I felt like I was being dishonest so I thought it was best to come clean. A guilty conscience, I suppose?"

"So what does this mean for you?" His father presses. His voice is like steel.

"Nothing. I'm still the same person I always have been, you just know I like men now."

"What about your career?" His mother presses.

"I'm... not going to come out publicly."

His father makes a noise of disgust. "So you'll burden us with this nonsense but you're not brave enough to do it to the world? What happened to all the 'gay pride' you people have?"

"Jaesuk," Minji warns him sharply. "You're going too far."

"You're telling me you're happy about this?"

She hesitates, eyes flickering over her son's dejected, hunched figure. As soon as she laid eyes on him on the doorstep, she knew there was something terribly wrong with him: the sickly pallor, the exaggerated bruises under his eyes, the outbreak of pimples on his otherwise flawless face. She can see this has been bothering him for a while, and even though she has not been the most doting mother, her intrinsic nature is to protect him.

"I think we need to start learning to accept it," she says firmly, reaching out to touch her son's shoulder. He flinches away.

Junmyeon can't bring himself to look at them, keeping his eyes trained on the spotless floor, vision wavering behind the unshed tears.

"Is this some kind of rebellion, Junmyeon? Some way to get back at us- even after everything we've done for you? You're twenty-eight now, you should know better."

"It's nothing like that," he says quietly, unable to tear his eyes away from the spot they're fixated on. "I’m not expecting you to support me-"

"Damn right."

"-Or understand. I just wanted you to know for my own peace of mind."

"Well, thank you for burdening us," Jaesuk says coldly. "I hope you feel better about yourself."

On reflection, Junmyeon doesn't think he does.

He rises to his feet on legs that feel like rubber, barely able to place one foot in front of the other. He casts one last look at his father, but he has his face turned away from him in abhorrence, like he cannot even bear to look at his own son. The feeling is mutual.

Junmyeon had no idea his bigotry ran this deep, but considering what he has just spewed out, he probably can't bring himself to look at Junmyeon if he truly feels this strongly about it.

You must never have loved me , Junmyeon thinks dully. If something this small and trivial could make you hate me .

Junmyeon is surprised when he hears the slap of slippers following him down the hall. 

"Wait," Minji calls. 

While he has half the mind to walk out of the house and never look back, curiosity gets the better of him and he remains rooted to the spot. He's intrigued as to what she has to say. While she didn't say much during his announcement, she did defend him. Junmyeon wants to know how she's feeling. Not that it should matter- but of course it does .

"I'm sorry," is all she says. "He's just surprised. It'll take him a while to get his head around it-"

Junmyeon holds up a hand. "I don't really care whether he does or not. I've got too much going on right now to agonise over what he thinks. I just thought it was fair you all knew. You're my family after all."

Minji cups his jaw with her manicured hand, looking troubled. "I know, honey. We still love you. I feel like this is my fault, Maybe if I’d been there more when you were growing up you would've told us sooner-"

"Don’t. This is something I've had to figure out on my own. It has nothing to do with you guys."

Maybe it has, a little. Junmyeon doesn't want to give them the power of knowing this.

"Well... I'm still glad you told me." 

She squeezes his cheeks in the way she would so rarely do when he was younger. For an infinitesimal moment, Junmyeon is filled with rage. Why is she choosing now to finally be a good mother? When he no longer needs her?

"I still love you. Your dad does too, he just needs time. I think... maybe it would be better if you didn't come round for a while."

Junmyeon nods. He had no intention of coming back anyway.

***

Junmyeon is suffering, as much as he hates to admit it- as much as he hates to give his parents the power of having a hold over him even though he’s trying his hardest to detach himself from them. 

He has to pull over twice on the drive home to sob for a few minutes, before quickly pulling himself together after reminding himself it’s not worth it. It’s truly not. They were never family to him anyway. As long as his friends are still by his side, Junmyeon shouldn’t care. His family has never been blood, but always the people he surrounded himself with. 

It just hurts , hearing his father verbally express all the disgust that Junmyeon has been toiling with himself for the past decade. 

With how much progress he’s made, Junmyeon knows he can’t slip back into old habits. More to the point, he doesn’t want to give Jaesuk the satisfaction of knowing his words cut so deep. If Junmyeon allows himself to take a step back now, then he’ll just take another, and another, and before he knows it he’ll be back where he started- perhaps even worse. He can’t do that to himself. He’s endured enough. 

He returns to his apartment and calls Jeongyeon as soon as he gets through the door, asking her voicemail to call him back when she gets the opportunity. To preoccupy his mind, Junmyeon tidies around the already spotless apartment and scrolls through some emails even though none of them are important.

He fires off a text to Jiwoo asking how her day off is going and she sends him a snapshot of the beach, he’s glad he finds himself smiling. He tells her to enjoy the rest of her day, locks his phone, and turns the TV on for further distraction. 

Jeongyeon calls him once she’s finished with her last client of the day, apologising for the long wait but Junmyeon graciously tells her it’s fine. And it is. Really. He’s had a few hours to get his head around things and he’s already feeling better for it. Even without Jeongyeon’s help, Junmyeon managed not to slip down a vortex of self-deprecation and misery. 

“How did it go with your parents?” She asks tightly after Junmyeon fills her in.

Junmyeon sighs. “It went exactly how I thought it would.”

Jeongyeon makes a noise of sympathy. “I’m sorry, Junmyeon. I really am. I know how much a parent’s support means in accepting something like this. My own parents- well, it doesn’t matter. How are you feeling, though?”

“Surprisingly not like killing myself,” he jokes wryly and Jeongyeon tuts disapprovingly. “I’m kidding. I knew it was coming. I’d prepared for it, so I’m not as hurt as I thought I’d be. I guess I’d just hoped I was wrong about them, but I knew that was asking too much.” 

“Expecting your parents to be understanding of you isn’t asking too much of them, Junmyeon. Every parent owes their child that courtesy. You’re not in the wrong in this situation. It doesn’t make you, your feelings or your sexuality any less valid.”

Junmyeon runs a hand through his hair. “I know. Weirdly enough, I don’t feel guilty. Before, I thought dropping it on them would cause them a lot of stress and I didn’t want that for them. Now I just don’t care.” 

“You should never feel like you have to apologise for who you are. You’re a remarkable man, Junmyeon. You’re more than who you love. You’ll come to this realisation one day.” 

Junmyeon thinks he already has. Maybe not fully, but it’s something he’s slowly been working his mind over. Seeking help, being gay, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Reaching conclusions, accepting himself, is making him a better person overall, and isn’t that the main thing? Improving himself and atoning for his past mistakes is all he wants to do. It’s why he’s working so hard. 

The one person he needs to make it up to may never see this new version of himself, but Junmyeon hopes to God he does one day. 

After everything, Junmyeon still wants to make him proud. 

“I don’t think I ever want to see them again,” Junmyeon announces honestly. He’s mulled over this for years, though now is the first time he’s ever admitted it aloud. 

“You’re well within your rights to do that. How they’ve treated you, currently and in the past, your feelings are understandable. You don’t have to be sorry for leaving and growing up. Live your life for yourself, not others.” 

Yeah, Junmyeon thinks he will. Starting now. 

He’s slowly learning to accept himself. It’s an arduous process with many slippery slopes, but he’ll get there one day. 

He has faith in himself. 

***

Sehun’s life is going well. Or, about as well as he expected it to be as a consequence of everything that happened over the past few months. 

Some days he still struggles but he knows that’s only natural. His relationship with Junmyeon was something so unique and intimate and raw he’s come to the realisation that he’ll never find something like it again, even if he spends the rest of his life searching for it. But that’s okay. 

Well, it’s not. Sehun has little choice but accept it for what it is. 

Sehun isn’t exactly searching for someone to move on with. In fact, the thought of bearing his soul to someone the way he did with Junmyeon is enough to make him feel nauseous. He won’t make that same mistake. Sehun doesn’t care if he spends the rest of his life bitter and alone. He’ll never give anyone the power of knowing how he truly feels ever again. 

Things are going steady with Johnny. Sehun has the cognisance to understand that the other man so obviously wants something more but Sehun is both unable and reluctant to give it to him. While he didn’t go into much detail, he outlines his predicament to Johnny who nods sagely and says he understands. 

Sehun would never out Junmyeon to a total stranger, so he piles all the blame onto himself, claiming that he developed feelings for a boss who didn’t reciprocate which is why it’s so painful. 

Sehun almost wishes it was the truth. If the relationship was one-sided then he thinks it’d be easier to move on, by telling himself Junmyeon didn’t care about him so there’s no point lamenting over what could’ve been. But he knows, despite Junmyeon’s clumsiness, that the older man truly did care for him. So Sehun is always haunted by the knowledge that things might have worked between them if only he hadn’t pushed so much. 

To his credit, Johnny is understanding and in a moment of vulnerability tells Sehun that he’s worth waiting for. He knows they’re just friends, yet he hopes one day Sehun might find the confidence to take it further. 

If Sehun is ever able to move on from Junmyeon (which he highly doubts), Johnny will certainly be the first person he turns to. 

Avoiding Junmyeon completely is near possible considering how famous he is. Somehow, Sehun still manages to see the occasional article or post about him. The newest rumour circulating in the media is that he has a new female friend he’s been stepping around town with; one of his new co-stars he’s currently filming a movie with.

Obviously Sehun knows better, yet he can’t deny that his heart twists with jealousy when he sees Junmyeon leading her out of the back of a restaurant with his hand on the small of her back. 

As morbid as his curiosity is, Sehun doesn’t want to know what’s happening in Junmyeon’s life. He can’t bear to think about the older man being carefree without him while Sehun suffers on his own.

Sehun hasn’t heard anything from Junmyeon over the past four months. Aside from what Jisoo told him all that time ago in the shop, he has no idea how Junmyeon has been managing in his absence. Probably fine. 

People think they’ll miss Sehun when they first let him go, but they soon realise that he wasn’t that special to begin with. Junmyeon, who knows his worth, will have discovered that quicker than anybody. Why would he waste the best years of his career moping over Sehun? He wouldn’t. And, evidently, isn’t. 

Sehun still misses him. In the back of his mind there’s always the urge to send him a text or give him a quick call to see how he’s managing, yet his pride always quashes these urges. It’d only be counter-productive. By some miracle Junmyeon didn’t completely shut him out, Sehun wouldn’t want to hear about how great his life is without him. So Sehun must be content with the unknown. It’s safer that way. 

Despite all this, he’s learning to be content with his life without Junmyeon. He has faith that, one day, everything might be okay.

Notes:

*slides this over without making eye contact* i am so sorry for the wait