Chapter Text
“So, you truly don’t remember?”
It was an achingly familiar voice that spat that question at me, not two minutes after I had set foot in the Rhodes Island mobile complex. I knew that voice, a mix of feelings all bittersweet, even though I couldn’t remember the face or name it belonged to.
“Were the debriefs and my AARs not enough?”
“No. Follow me.” Her eyes narrowed and ears pinned back in annoyance.
“Doctor Kal’tsit, please go easy on Doctor Qiu?”
Finally, a face to a name.
“No promises, Amiya.” She turned away, obviously expecting me to follow, fluffy ears occasionally twitching out to the sides. I nodded at Amiya, sending her on her way before following.
We were well on our way before I asked her a question. “Medical or research lab?”
“Medical. I want a full clinical and imaging battery with comprehensive bloodwork done on you before I declare you fit for duty. Seriously, that child, handing overall tactical control to someone just out of accelerated cryowake…” I heard the second, muttered part and decided to interject. Amiya was a good girl, from what I’d seen.
“Aside from my amnesia, I’d say I’m clinically healthy.”
“On what basis, Doctor?” A snapped-out response, she didn’t even break stride.
“Oh, I don’t know? My doctorates?” Where had that come from? It was rude, but felt right as a response. I shook my head, trying to clear the cobwebs. “I’m sorry, that was impolite.”
“No, no, that’s on me.” She shook her head. “It’s a longshot, more interrogation than psychiatry, but sometimes verbal antagonism with the right leading context can elicit a release of relevant facts and events.”
“You’re not a psych specialist, are you?” My joke fell flat, unfortunately.
“Originium researcher, with trauma and general medicine specialty.” Well, she wasn’t angry, I could tell that much, at least.
We turned down into a side-corridor, clearly marked with the white asterisk and black bars of what I knew now to be the medical division.
I could hear muffled whispers, indistinct even boosted by the audio pickups in my helmet start as soon as the staff could see me. Huh. Guess I was a celebrity around here. I’d barely made it into the first examination room before I was ambushed.
“DOCTOOOOOOOOORRRRR!!!” I was slow in turning towards the scream, and only saw a flash of pale skin, white hair, and teary ruby eyes before I was brought to the ground by a tackle-hug.
“Wha-”
“Doctordoctordoctoryou’rebackyou’reback!”
Yes, I was back, and I could barely breathe. The little Sarkaz blood demon was clinging to me and all but blubbering into my overcoat as I hovered my hands above her.
“Warfarin! Get off the Doctor this instant!”
“Oh, I’ll get off on him all right-” Warfarin ground her body against mine, and I was intensely thankful for my layers of battle rattle.
“Off, off, off! Hibiscus, help me here!” Doctor Kal’tsit was looking murderous, and almost pulled the operator she called to help off her feet as well, hauling Warfarin away and stopping short of slamming her against as wall. “What did I say about you staying away from Doctor Qiu?”
“You don’t need to tell me again, Kal’tsit. Admit it, you missed him just as much as I did.”
I couldn’t make out the rest of their conversation, the scene bringing a crowd of Rhodes Island employees out to spectate, Hibiscus helping me to my feet as the first of them approached me.
“Doctor, it’s so good to have you back!” - too near
“I’m glad you’re okay, Doctor-” - crowded
“He’s back! Hey, someone go tell-” - bringing reinforcements
“Oh shit, it’s Doctor Qiu?!” - too close, where was my knife?
I raised my right hand in an attempt to ward them off, but was drawn into a firm handshake by a white-haired intern, ‘Ansel’, his nametape read. It was overwhelming. Deep breaths, you’re among friends here. Luckily, I was rescued by Doctor Kal’tsit before I could make a fool of myself.
“Alright, I need to run a full clinical battery on him, so everyone clear out! Out, now!” She had pushed her way in front of me, and with a firm order everyone filed out, some of them calling out goodbyes.
“Ugh, they’re like children sometimes…” She ran herd on the departing crowd, hitting the door release as Hibiscus gave me a wave over her shoulder, green light turning red as maglocks engaged.
“Thanks. Was getting a little crowded.” My borrowed gloves came off, though, with the casualties we took on the exfil from Chernobog, I wouldn’t be needing to return them. Then again, with the amount of rust-red soaked into the fabric, they’d be disposed of as biohazardous.
The initials A.Y. were written in oil marker on the inside wrist.
“How many did we lose?” A slender hand, scuffing off some of the coagulated blood and rubbing it between her fingers. She shook her head before going to wash her hands.
“One down on my watch, triaged as combat loss another two. That was just under my own command. I don’t how many Ace had under his, but only his squad medic made it back before we had to exfil.” Dry, clinical. Numbers. That’s who they were, and maybe it was better that I couldn’t remember. I was glad Kal’tsit was humouring me.
“Karlan on the pyre- Pulling two thirds of a strike out of the fire, completely surrounded, during an active Catastrophe event, with zero support or backup? And you did this literal minutes after being pulled out of cryosleep with full-blown amnesia? Ash and shards, some things you don’t forget, do you…” Doctor Kal’tsit shook her head before wheeling the venepuncture trolley over, rubbing alcohol gel into her hands.
“I guess I’m a real cad then, not remembering someone as attractive as you.” I deflected, not wanting to talk about my disastrous retrieval until I had a good night’s sleep. Ever again, after the AARs were done.
“While the charm is appreciated, the deflection is not. I’ll have you know we were colleagues and good friends, nothing more.” She prepped a series of vacutainers; red, orange, green, blue, purple, sterile field and a cannula set, not looking at me as she replied. “Lose the helmet and the flak coat, Tobias.”
Hah, your ears give the lie away, dear doctor. Off came the helmet, and a good roll of my head had my neck cracking nicely, flak coat shrugged off and draped over it. I was calming down, at least. “Looks like you’re angling at bleeding me dry there, Kal’tsit.” I said as she pulled the tourniquet tight over my t-shirt sleeve. That was a big red-top. She passed me forceps with pre-soaked disinfectant swab in the jaws, the smell of chlorhexidine and isopropyl alcohol bringing back flashes of fondness, something deeper than memory carrying my right hand in practiced motions along my left forearm as she prepped and gloved up, gently fanning the swabbed area dry.
“I’d be using a much larger gauge of cannula if I were. Sharp scratch.” In it went, smooth as silk. Just one drop of blood escaped the end to soak the gauze before it was J-looped, stoppered and secured with practiced efficiency. “Okay, tourniquet on again, I’ll be taking the bloods now.”
“Sure thing. How long were we working together, Kal’tsit?” A five ml syringe first, laid off to the side, before a fifty ml was attached, slowly being filled up.
“Ten years, all up, five at Rhodes Island. Then you went and got yourself- no, it doesn’t matter now that you’re back. I said it before, but I’ll say it properly now. Welcome back, Tobias. We all missed you.”
Somehow, it felt right to be here, even with all the missing memories. “It’s good to be here. Still, no rest for the wicked, I need to get high speed low drag again, if I’m going to be field command, let alone getting back into the research saddle.” More like I had to keep busy, otherwise I’d never start moving again.
“Not today or tomorrow. I’m putting you on medical leave, light duties for at least forty-eight hours.” The syringe was quickly emptied into the vacutainers; bundled, labelled and stuffed into a specimen bag.
“I can still read, at least?” I bundled up the waste as Kal’tsit loaded the samples into a delivery drone, buzzing off to wherever the biochem voles were.
“You tell me, Doctor. Can you?”
Ouch, I walked into that one, and entirely deserved that smirk directed at me.
“Very funny. Is that all you’ll need from me?”
“You still need a general check-up and imaging done, and I want to see some fMRI of your brain, see how badly your memory centres got hit. We’re past the golden window for treatment anyway, but I’d like it done ASAP.”
“Of course.” Hm, focal retrograde amnesia, with retention of faculties but loss of memories in a non-sequential manner? Cliché, and indicative of micro-infarcts of the hippocampal region, probably because of incomplete microvascular permeation of cryoprotectant.
“Glad to hear that your mind isn’t completely gone, Tobias. Again, I’ll need imaging to confirm, but those memories are probably gone for good… Shirt off, let’s have a look and listen before I stick you in a tube.”
I really was out of it, if I was muttering to myself. Still, having most of my faculties intact was a good thing. Hopefully I’d remember more as time went by. My T-shirt came off, and I heard a sharp intake of breath from Kal’tsit.
“What the hell did they do to you?”
“What do you mean what…” I looked down at my torso and arms, white lines and dots on cryo-pale skin. Large-gauge cannula was once there, wound not fully healed, a PICC line taped down high on my right bicep, A-line and portacath bump on my left side, a long scar following the line of my right ribcage, subcostal. Keyhole scars on my abdomen, and those were just the surgical ones. I couldn’t remember how I got these, but there were other, newer, messier lines too; forearms, torso. My heartbeat raced before I was taking deep, measured breaths, learned biofeedback slowing it right back down.
“We need to get you in a CT scanner ASAP, find out what else needs taken out.”
“Kal’tsit-” She held up a hand to stop me, normally slit pupils almost entirely round.
“Yes, you’re clinically stable and well-compensated right now, you’d be in a shallow grave in Chernobog otherwise, I know. I’m worried about what was done to you before we got you out of there.” A comm unit was taken out of a jacket pocket, held up with an almost imperceptibly shaking hand. “Kal’tsit to medical operators Shining and Myrrh, report to treatment room one immediately, I say again, report to treatment room one immediately.”
“These are combat scars.” Healed scrapes that I had glossed over along all my knuckles, defensive wounds along my forearms. A fine scar superolateral to my right iliac fossa, a gouge carved into the iliac crest. A flash of memory, a glancing hit from a wicked broadhead. More, too many for a quick count. Clinical was the only way to approach this.
“Against what, lions?” She was prepping another trolley, sterile field and equipment before she stopped, throwing down a sterile package of gloves. “Shit, can’t even pull the lines without knowing how long they are.”
“A-line should be fine to pull, they’re tough.” I started peeling away the dressing before my hand was slapped away.
“Yes, but they may or may not have stuck you with one that was cryosafe. I’m not taking any risks now that we have you back. Now, sit tight and don’t fiddle with the dressings while I warm up the CT.” She disappeared around the corner, thrumming electronics kicking into life.
I wasn’t waiting long before the door opened, and a Sarkaz medic walked in, a Vulpes trailing after her with a pharmaceutical kit. She didn’t pause, rapid gliding steps bringing her to me, taking my hands in hers.
“We meet for the first time again, Doctor Qiu.” Chocolate-brown eyes framed by snow-white hair looked into mine; she was tall enough that seated, I had to look up. “Operator Shining, reporting for duty.”
“A pleasure to meet you again.” She acted like we had history. We probably did, given how everyone else reacted to my return. “Unfortunately, it seems that everyone here has my advantage.”
“Operator Myrrh reporting! It’s my honour to finally be able to meet you Doctor!” The little tawny-haired Vulpes had stepped to Shining’s side, giving me a formal salute that I couldn’t help but free a hand to return.
“As you were. I suspect I won’t live up to the stories, though.” I found my hand wandering back to Shining’s, ignoring an urge to run my thumb over her knuckles.
“Shining, Tobias, you two are looking like newlyweds.” Kal’tsit drawled out upon walking back into the main examination room. Shining stiffened, jaw clenching as she gave my hands a squeeze before withdrawing.
“And you are sounding like a jealous ex-wife, Kal’tsit. What did those monsters do to you, Tobias?”
“I wish I could tell you. Retrograde amnesia, I’m still trying to figure out how much I lost. I’ve been out of cryo for maybe eight hours, and five of those were field command…”
“Who let- Amiya. Of all the foolhardy, irresponsible things she could do-” A glare marred her features, before I interrupted her.
“Shining, I was the one that accepted it.” Amiya was more than competent in local field command, but even as I was, I could tell she didn’t have it in her yet to do the ruthless calculus of the battlefield. “Operators Dobermann, Nearl and Ace were there for squad-level tactical, I barely had to do anything.”
“You shouldn’t have had to. We should have sent a local command officer in with her to retrieve you, expected signal degradation interfering with remote uplink.”
“You two can have your lover’s spat while Tobias is in the CT.” While Shining was bristling at the dismissal, Kal’tsit helped me off the examination bed and led me towards the CT scanner. “Myrrh.”
“Ah, yes Doctor Kal’tsit?” Myrrh snapped to attention, a student paying attention to the master.
“Prep the bed for surgery, get local and general anaesthetics ready.”
“Of course!” As Myrrh bustled off, I hopped off the bed, only a few short steps behind a lead-glass barrier to the CT section.
The characteristic doughnut of the scanner greeted me, and I didn’t know why I had the sudden urge to smile at the familiarity. It was a loud, boring ten minutes as I obeyed the commands to inhale, hold my breath, and exhale, the slab doing two passes through the scanner.
“Alright, you can get up now. Bloody hells, you’re a mess. Barely healed fractures, more medical devices that I can shake a stick at, I’m surprised you haven’t lost any organs!” I heard Kal’tsit say over the intercom, and I wandered over to peek at my scans over their shoulders.
“Were you short of breath at all during your recovery operation?” That was Shining, eyes focused on her screens, zipping through slices as she waited for the 3D render to process.
“Constantly. I figured that was just cryowake side-effects though. SOB, myalgia, constant low-grade headache, all 3/10.” The instinctive terminology was rattled off. I’d have mentioned chest pain if there were any, its absence was a plus.
“More than just surface damage has been done; I’m surprised that you’re this functional. We’re going to need to get you on intensive therapies and rehab once you’re healed.” Shining drew the classic radiologist’s circles and lines on the slices, coordinating with Kal’tsit how they marked. “Kal, with this much cryodamage I’m worried about his kidneys, have you taken blood yet?”
“What do you take me to be? I’ll add LFTs, creatinine and CK to the panel.” A few keystrokes were tapped out before Kal’tsit turned to me, continuing. “You’re a damn beast, Tobias. Are you sure you’re not an Ursus or a Forte? Pretty much every system you’ve got has some freeze-thaw damage, those idiots couldn’t even do a proper cryo sequence!”
“How do you think I feel? I’m out and standing, that’s all I can ask for, apart from some sleep.”
“No sleep, not yet at least. I’m putting you on haemodialysis, but I’ll wait on throwing regen arts in as well. I’m not waiting for biochem to come back. Shining?”
“Agreed. We’ll need new access, pull the old devices while he’s hooked up. Tobias, we’re worried most about kidney and liver damage. Do we have your go-ahead?”
Flashes of recognition and a few fragmented definitions were what I got out of that. Still, kidney and liver damage weren’t things I wanted to become permanent. “Anything you need to do, go for it. I trust both of you.”
Kal’tsit barked out a laugh. “Hah, you really do have amnesia. Let’s get you on the table.”
It was all clinical from there on; gear off and gown on, new arteriovenous access put in and the assorted medical devices I had put in me extracted under local anaesthetic. I was drifting half in and out of proper sleep, hard squeezes of my shoulder bringing me back to full wakefulness, only catching snippets of conversation as my exhaustion caught up to me.
…..
…
“Don’t you give me attitude about this, Shining, for once you and I are in complete agreement. What’s done is done though, Tobias is back with us, and that’s all that matters.”
“Not all of him, Kal’tsit.”
“…No. But maybe it’s better this way.”
“I don’t think even you believe that.”
…..
…
“Who here would have been able to pull a strike group out of an active Catastrophe event, while being hunted by Reunion? You?”
“Me, and a few other assets, absolutely.”
“He lost three under his own command, and pulled one of Ace’s team out of the fire. Three. Sure, Nearl and Dobermann were there too, but he led nearly a full two-thirds of that strike on a clean exfil through that shitstorm.”
…..
…
“I wouldn’t have taken a full strike team. Nightingale, Greythroat, Red and I. One more high-mobility operator and sniper, two guards, two arts specialists, and Nearl.” She stepped closer to Kal’tsit, almost a head higher than her. “Quick, clean, efficient.”
Kal’tsit was about to respond when I interrupted them, head only slightly clearer, eyes now bleary.
“Shining, Ace and most of his unit sacrificed themselves delaying Tallulah. I can’t remember who she is, but she was powerful, immensely so.” It was the soundest tactical and strategic decision. I had to believe that. Even Amiya agreed, though I could see that the decision weighed on her still. “I felt the heat of her Arts from blocks away, not even the best Defender specialists would survive more than a minute of that.” Though, something told me that I’d dealt with similar threats before.
“Of course, Reunion sent their elites in. Damn it. Damn it all. How in Nine Hells did they get so effective, so quickly?”
“That’s something we can talk with Lungmen about. Speaking of that, I need to get back there, I’m technically AWOL.” Kal’tsit ungloved and degowned before sprawling in a chair. “Shining, he’s got another two hours on haemodialysis, is there anything I’ve missed?”
“No, I don’t think so. One more session, run him through an fMRI tomorrow, PRN painkillers and low protein low fat diet for a week, nil EtOH, daily bloods, level three monitoring forty-eight hours.” Shining followed suit, Myrrh having left sometime during the procedures. I stayed down, not knowing where my limbs were due to the nerve blocks and locals.
“Good. Tobias, it’s good to have you back. I’ll see you in a few days. Take care of him, Shining.” Kal’tsit stood up with a stretch and left, waving over her shoulder.
“That woman…” Shining shook her head and moved her chair closer.
I had a lot of questions to ask, but being horizontal and not in pain wasn’t helping me stay awake in the slightest. Shining must have noticed my eyes drooping, as I was treated to a slight, amused smile.
“Rest for a bit, Tobias. I’ll stay with you.”
“Hmm. Thanks. Wake me when you need me.”
I didn’t hear a response, if there was one, drifting off almost immediately.
Sleep came easily, and memories followed. Of when, I didn’t know. Of the what, only killing.
Radio chatter, world tinted the green of NVGs, and a high value target to eliminate. Not quite lucid, not fully dreaming, I could only move forwards, knowing exactly what to do, what I had done.
Dampened bowstrings of compound crossbows thunked as they threw their bolts forwards, invisible until they met their targets, three bolts per person. Mechanical broadheads were horrendously deadly instruments when used right. Sentries down, bodies hurriedly policed, rictus grins of pain and asphyxiation, one drowned in their own arterial blood, foam rendered in greyscale from a severed windpipe. Fan out, remove the patrols, move on. A straggler, a last desperate gasp to warn his fellows cut off by my hand and dagger, punching through his windpipe before the tip glanced off bone as it slid between C2 and C3 into the dirt.
One building, three alert Sarkaz guards. Heavy shields and heavier armour. A volley of bolts, blackened alloy heads unseen in the night as the whistle of the fletching cutting through the air gave the attack away, too late for them. Two clean kills, the third letting out a death rattle that echoed in my ears before they expired. Snap decision, I bolted, three of my kill team on my six as we slid into a perfect stack just as the door opened inwards. A pull of the trigger, and my shotgun coughed, the report and cycling quieter than the crisp crack-crunch of the supersonic sabot round popping the guard’s head like a melon-
-flash and clear, a perfect kill cone-
-gunpowder and steel and blood-
-click-
-arm snaked around a neck, lithe, small frame pulled into me-
-steel swooping up like a sick parody of an embrace-
And then I was pulled out.
Adrenaline spiking, the weight and feel of a dagger in flesh still in my hand, pounding blood, the sound of rapid heaving breaths filling my ears, hysterical laughter through a film of tears.
“I have you, Doctor, stand down, stand down.” A free arm caught mid-motion, levered back down.
Here I was, thinking, hoping that I was just a healer.