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Coincidence is the word for it but fate keeps popping up in Shizuka's head, a bubble rising from secret depths to burst bright in her mind. Coincidence is likelier but oh, she has heard fate and destiny thrown around so often between her brother's friends, and why shouldn't she apply it to this? If fate can appear in drawn cards at a Duel Monsters tournament why can't it be here, between the two of them, drawing them together for the first time in four years?
Shizuka is on a late night stroll, enjoying the lonely dusk and the soft susurrus of the sea, relaxing in her twilight isolation as she steps between the pier's street lights, when out of the darkness before her comes a figure that makes her heart pound before she can even place that familiarity. She's taller now so the other woman seems shorter, or maybe her heels aren't as high anymore; the dress is simpler, but the faint creak of leather of that old jacket is exactly the same, and the hair isn't quite as big in the wind but oh, it's her, it's definitely her.
Shizuka stops walking and forgets that it's rude to stare.
Mai comes closer and yes, her heels must be smaller because the clicking is less pronounced, and as Shizuka watches her face turns from confusion to realisation to joy.
"Shizuka!" cries Mai. "I'd recognise those eyes anywhere!"
Shizuka's small smile of welcome turns into a face-splitting grin. "Mai," she breathes.
"You've grown," says Mai and she wraps Shizuka in a warm hug. Her perfume smells different after four years, less floral and more vanilla, and it blends with the scent of the ocean.
"How are you?" continues Mai, oblivious to what she still stirs within Shizuka. "How's your brother?"
"Katsuya's well," says Shizuka. "He decided against college, which disappointed Mama- Mother," she corrects, flushing at her childishness. Mai just smiles. "He worked for Yugi's grandfather for a bit. Then he got scouted by someone from KaibaCorp, which was a nice surprise! So now he travels around teaching Duel Monsters to children – he says he likes it, because he gets to help other people the way Yugi helped him, whenhe was a delinquent."
Mai laughs merrily and loops her arm through Shizuka's. "Is that what you're doing out here?" she asks.
They begin walking in the direction Shizuka was heading.
"No," she says quickly. "No, I'm not travelling with Katsuya. Me and some girls from school came here to celebrate graduation."
"Ah, of course," says Mai. "Sorry, I keep forgetting how much time has passed! You must be… eighteen now?"
Shizuka nods. "It was my birthday two months ago."
Mai nudges her side. "Happy birthday," she says warmly.
Shizuka blushes and looks down at her shoes. She wishes she'd worn something nicer, at least done her makeup, but she hadn't been expecting anyone! They'd had a quiet day in because Miyuki and Kotone had woken up too late for them to go to the aquarium, so Shizuka hadn't worn anything more exciting than jeans and a white shirt, throwing a large jumper over her ensemble when she decided to go for a walk. Shizuka can't sleep unless she goes outside at least once a day and at the time she hadn't seen a reason to get dressed up for the setting sun. She really wishes she had. At least a skirt would have done something, would have matched her ballet flats better, would have let her show off her legs…
"How about you?" says Mai, and Shizuka realises how long she's been quiet. "Any plans?"
"Um," says Shizuka. She bites her bottom lip – the skin's dry, she didn't even put on lip gloss! "I'm going to college. I'm going to study chemistry. I think I'd like to be a teacher. I play Duel Monsters," she adds, standing straighter. "I've never beat Yugi but who has? I was second in last year's Battle City, though – Yugi was first and Kaiba was third. Katsuya was so mad when he lost to Kaiba." She grins at the memory, Katsuya shaking his fist, yelling at Shizuka that she'd better beat that rich jerk! She had, because even after all this time Kaiba relied heavily on the Blue Eyes White Dragon, and couldn't fathom an opponent sacrificing their strongest card on purpose.
Mai tucks a loose strand of blonde hair behind her ear. Shizuka finds herself fascinated by that small movement.
"I'm very glad for you," she says.
"How about you?" Shizuka says quickly, suddenly aware of her rudeness. "I looked for you at tournaments," she adds, and that wasn't supposed to come out pleading but it does. I looked for you at every competition. I scanned every face in the crowd for you, waited to stand before you in every round. My heart sank every time I reached the finals and you weren't there. You weren't ever there.
Mai's quiet. "I stopped playing Duel Monsters for a while," she says slowly. "I don't think I'll play competitively again."
"But that's a waste!" Shizuka cries before she can stop herself. "You were so good at it!"
Mai's smile turns pained. She no longer holds Shizuka's arm so tightly. "Battle City gave me some painful memories," she says.
Shame washes over Shizuka. "Oh," she says quietly. Those hours she spent watching over the unconscious Mai, watching cold sweat form on her brow, her sleeping face creased with the horrors she faced in her dreams – of course that wasn't the kind of thing you just brushed off! No wonder Mai had stepped away from that world! How could Shizuka have been so stupid?
"I'm sorry," she says. "I didn't think-"
"It's all right," says Mai. She squeezes close. Her purple leather jacket creaks against Shizuka's shoulder.
"Do you have a boyfriend?" Shizuka asks, and then curses herself. She realises that she doesn't want to know the answer as soon as the words have escaped.
Mai laughs and what tension there was in her disappears. "No!" she says brightly. "No – they're so much work. How about you, Shizuka? A girl as pretty as you must have boys throwing themselves at you!"
Shizuka flushes and looks out to the sea. The stars are coming out. "I don't," she says, and then her throat is dry and her voice has retreated.
"Never mind," Mai says. She pats Shizuka's hand.
"No, not like that!" Shizuka says because somehow it's worse if Mai misunderstands, beautiful brave Mai with her shining eyes and long fingers and delicate lips. Mai, the reason Shizuka learnt this about herself when she did. "It's… there are boys, but… but I'm not like that," she says and she wishes that was said as confidently as she'd imagined it would be.
She's had fantasies about this, meeting Mai again and telling her proudly of herself, but this isn't going like them at all. In those daydreams Shizuka has just won a major tournament, looking resplendent as she lifts the trophy, and she and Mai chat easily in the celebration before taking their drinks to be alone. Or they meet by accident on some exquisite cruise ship, Shizuka the young woman in a designer dress leaning over the poker table to meet eyes from her past and she's utterly charming and confident in her flirtations. In none of those flights of fancy is Shizuka wearing a mismatched outfit with soy sauce staining her left sleeve, her hair tangled by wind, dark circles under her eyes, a red spot on her cheek threatening to turn into a monster of a pimple.
She speaks confidently, in her mind, but in real life her tongue is leaden and heavy.
Mai's quiet.
"I don't like boys," Shizuka says quietly to the ocean waves.
There's more quiet, and Shizuka feels her eyes sting.
"Honda must have been disappointed," Mai says.
Shizuka frowns. "Yes," she says tersely. "He's fine now."
Honda's not the one who has to keep a part of themselves secret! Honda's not the one who has to stay quiet when friends discuss who they find attractive! Honda's not the one teased about a lack of a visible romantic life knowing that if he was honest those same teasing friends would harden their eyes and retreat! Honda's not the one who had to sit in front of his parents and explain to them, breath catching on every syllable, that their precious child was not going to be fulfilling parental dreams! Honda didn't have to hear his mother say wait until you're older, as if this, of all things, this was a phase to be outgrown and left behind with ponies and dolls and tea parties!
Honda is the one with a girlfriend now and he didn't have to tread on eggshells to find out if she was even interested in his gender!
"Are you all right?" Mai asks.
Shizuka uncurls her fists and looks back at her, smile in place. "I'm fine," she says.
Mai sighs. This time it's Shizuka's hair she tidies. "I'm sorry for upsetting you," she says.
The anger falls as quickly as it rose. "No, no, it's all right," Shizuka says quickly. "I'm sorry. It's just…"
Mai smiles faintly. "Painful memories?"
"Yeah." Shizuka's laugh is somewhat hollow. "Painful memories."
They walk in silence. A gull perched on the pier's iron fence looks at them with its mad yellow eye before leaping to the air.
"I knew because of you," Shizuka says suddenly.
There's no answer. The intake of breath could have been the wind.
"When I was young I thought I wanted to be you," she continues, facing the night. "You were really amazing; you were everything I thought I couldn't be! You were so strong, and independent, and so beautiful – Mama always told me that a girl who showed so much skin only did so because she was scared that was all she was worth, but that didn't make sense to me after meeting you. You were so clever and cool, you slapped my brother when he was being stupid, you drove like a mad thing but never got a scratch…"
Mai snorts a laugh. Shizuka wonders if she too is remembering Honda and Otogi's screams of panic as Mai's purple car swerved along narrow roads.
"Then I got older and realised that wasn't what I wanted at all," Shizuka says.
"I'm still ten years older than you, you know," says Mai.
Shizuka shrugs.
"You were such a sweet girl," Mai says. "I was so glad when you removed those bandages. I'd never seen such lovely eyes – never have since."
They've reached the end of the pier. If they keep walking forward they'll be on the unlit beach, and if they turn they'll be in the village. Their bubble of intimacy will pop in such civilised surroundings.
"Did you love my brother?" Shizuka says.
In the silence she feels her heart shrivel.
"He's a very interesting young man," Mai says slowly. "He has many admirable traits. Love? I don't know. I don't think so. More than anything I think I wanted to win his respect – but after I stopped playing Duel Monsters I didn't see how, so I never returned to Domino."
"I missed you," says Shizuka.
They've turned to face each other.
"I've missed you too, sweetie."
Shizuka's the one who leans up for the kiss and it's not as big a distance as she thought it would be. She really has grown, those inches gained by adolescence making the impenetrable distance so much easier to cross. Mai isn't wearing lip gloss either. Shizuka closes her eyes tight and commits the moment to memory: the sea spray hitting their faces, the stone beneath the feet, the lone cry of a tired gull, their lips together for just this instant. She sees better when blind.
She steps back and wishes her eyes would convey challenge rather than fear.
Mai touches her fingertips to her lips.
"It's a thank you, if you don't want to see me again," Shizuka says.
Mai tilts her head. "If I do?"
Shizuka swallows. "Uh," she says.
"How long do you have until your friends miss you?" Mai asks.
Shizuka thanks whatever force made her remember her phone. "I can tell them not to stay up for me," she says.
Mai slips her hand into Shizuka's. "Do you think you can stay away until morning?"
"We're staying until Saturday," Shizuka says, aware she's blabbering. "We don't really have any plans – we already went surfing, and the only other thing we wanted to do was see the aquarium, well I did, and…"
"I'm here until Saturday too," Mai says. Her eyes are so bright. "What a coincidence."
"Fate," Shizuka corrects her.