Chapter Text
The only sound that filled the cold night air was the creaking mast of the small boat. They could both feel one another's heartbeat against their ribs under the cloak they shared. The river rocked their boat like an attentive mother, but a river's mood could turn around on a needle. The chopped water beat against the small hull, slamming it against jagged rocks that tore into the wood like a carnivore's teeth. They dragged each other to the bank of the river, coughing and shivering violently. Haru was lifted in Louis' arms, her chest pressed to his ear so that he could listen for her heartbeat. She held onto his antlers, gripping as though she'd lose him if she didn't.
Under the cover of the trees, neither could see farther than two feet in front of them. There was frost on the boughs and on the dead leaves that covered the ground. With all her might, Haru threw the wet cloak off of them and onto a branch. "We'll freeze if we keep this on" she explained, tugging at the clasps of his doublet. "Unlace my bodice, please"
"I'm not so sure it will all dry on its own" he complained, but still, his practiced fingers pulled the braided string free from her bodice. He'd never undressed her so quickly before. Maybe it was the way her teeth clicked together that made him hurry in desperation to warm her. He was still careful with her clothes, after everything, after abandoning their lives. What did it matter anymore if she looked the part of a princess? The trees around them filled with their layers of clothes, all hung individually to dry. They pressed against each other as tightly as two separate animals could, their fur reluctant to dry.
It wasn't just their clothes and travel packs that soaked through, the very forest was damp with early winter. How would they find wood dry enough to burn?
Louis kicked off his boots and stockings, frowning at the feeling of the undergrowth beneath his hooves. "I'll carry you, I don't want you stepping on anything sharp"
She tucked her face under his chin, desperately searching out any possible warmth "I'm not complaining. But where are you carrying me? We shouldn't go too far from our things"
He leaned back against a tree and pressed his antlers into it, squeezing his eyes shut "I don't know. But staying still doesn't feel safe" he rubbed a hand up and down her back. Would friction help? There was enough moisture in the air that static didn't bounce between their fur. "If we could find something to burn…"
"Is your crossbow okay?"
"Well I don't know if burning the crossbow is something we should resort to so soon"
She tapped her hand against his cheek in a low-effort imitation of a slap "no, dummy, does it still work?"
Louis was quiet for a moment, staring out into the night "works better if I can see"
She sighed and pushed against him like she was trying to wriggle free of his grasp. "Obviously. But it wouldn't hurt to look a little more threatening"
"Ha." He deadpanned. "Easier said than done when we're naked and shivering"
"Just get the bow, Louis" She laid her hand along the length of the scar below Louis' pectoral muscle "maybe we could put just the cloak back on?". Drops of water fell steadily from the thick fabric. "Nevermind" her hand carded through his fur, hoping that separating it where it was stuck together would help it dry faster.
He put a hand on one of her ears and hissed "ice cold" he guided her head back under his chin. He could feel the cold all the way into his bones everywhere they weren't touching. "Wouldn't it be disappointing if we died tonight"
"Like this? Incredibly" she laughed, but held him tighter "but if someone told me at any point before that I'd escape with the love of my life only to die naked in the woods on the first night… I'd probably think it was fitting"
"There's something… upsettingly primal about it, isn't there?" He started to walk in a small circle, the movement warming him. "What did we do before we used fire?"
"Died a lot, probably"
"Helpful" he growled, "how long do you think, until sunrise?"
She huffed "well It's not soon"
They were quiet for a moment, listening to the chatter of the bugs. Louis shifted Haru in his arms but stilled "Haru. Princess. Light of my life. Are you seriously hard right now?"
"How could you blame me?" She whined. "Do you really think if you put a hand between your legs right now it would come away dry?"
Haru was one of the most honest animals in the world. Louis was not. "Nothing's coming away dry from anywhere."
she laughed "Whatever, Louis"
"Doesn't the possibility of death deter you even a little bit?" He shifted his hold on her again, moving his hands to her ass despite his words.
"Is it fucked up that the danger only makes it hotter?" She asked, voice too amused to come from an animal in her situation. Her lips pressed against his neck.
Louis growled, hands guiding her hips to rock against him slightly "Of course that's fucked up"
Another growl filled the space between them and for a moment, both wondered which of them had produced the sound. In the second heartbeat after the noise, they realized it was far too low and guttural to have come from either of them.
Louis held her up with one hand when he dipped to grab the crossbow from where it rested on Haru's bag. He pointed the weapon in his best approximation of the growl's source. Haru adjusted his arm. He pulled the trigger a moment before he saw the gnashing teeth cut through the dark. Haru's outstretched arm was caught, for a moment, in the tight grip of a massive paw. They heard the bolt impact as it sank into flesh, and the claws around Haru's arm tore through her skin, but she was released. She gasped and Louis turned away to put himself between Haru and the carnivore, starting to run into the dark. She squeezed her eyes shut. There was a second, far heavier sound of impact, but instead of feeling claws in their skin, there was nothing. Louis felt his hoof catch on something in the underbrush and it brought them both to the ground. It was quiet enough to hear the bugs again until a rolling snarl ripped its way through the air. Louis looked at his hands on Haru's white fur. They both shook so heavily that their outlines blurred in the low light. He realized he was crouched low, huddled around Haru. The sounds behind him were gruesome and Haru pulled his fur where she was clinging to him. The light from the moon filtered through the bare canopy enough for him to see her tail at the base of her spine and an unfamiliar sting hit his eyes. A looming shadow fell over them, casting them in empty darkness. Louis' legs tensed, ready to run. He wasn't able to take the first step before something heavy fell over his shoulders.
Only it wasn't really that heavy. Not nearly as heavy as a full-grown animal descending upon his back. It was a cloak, thick, ginormous, and dry. It smelled, overpoweringly, of a male wolf.
He pivoted on his hooves, though with so much care put into keeping Haru upright, he lost balance himself and fell on his tail. In front of him was… He couldn't see much beyond silhouettes lined in cold silver light. Someone was crumpled on the ground, Louis' bolt protruding from their form. A carnivore still loomed over them. Louis curled his body around Haru. Wolves were large creatures, but this wolf towered, even with his back hunched. He was close to them still, in the process of backing away. Very suddenly, he turned away, hands going to his head, folding down his ears.
Louis started trying to get his hooves beneath him. Haru grabbed the cloak in both hands to heave it over them. She sighed heavily. The cloak still carried the wolf's heat and it seeped through their wet fur. It felt nearly hot enough to burn, but it was an immense relief. They were only beginning to realize how deep the ache of the cold had set into their joints. He was able to get himself standing, but only for a moment before his ankle buckled beneath him. He ground his teeth together and righted himself, taking steps with immense effort and ignoring the pain.
They just needed to get away.
"Your arm?" Louis asked, feeling terribly helpless. "Are you okay?"
She swallowed, tucking her freezing nose under the cloak "I'll be fine"
"I'm sorry for intruding," the wolf said with a deep, quiet voice, and Louis couldn't tell how close he was. He could be right behind them. Louis whipped around, wide eyes frantically searching the void. The crossbow was on the forest floor somewhere, unloaded in any case. Devoid of any other option, Louis lowered his head and bent his knees into as steady a stance as he could manage. If the gouges he'd accidentally left in Haru's wooden headboard were any indication, he was capable of damage.
Haru pushed against his chest, her legs instinctually kicking. "Run, damn it". Why wouldn't he run? How dare he shield her with his body. Selfish bastard. So willing to leave her alone. "Run!"
The wolf made a desperate noise, like a whine in the back of his throat. “Ah- n- wait!... Please.” His voice switched to something dark “it’s really dangerous out there”
Haru and Louis both shuddered. Was he getting closer? They scanned around them, expecting to see him lined in silver light.
“Can… Can you even see?” The wolf asked slowly.
“Of course we can,” Louis said without much thought. He couldn’t let the wolf know how much of an advantage he had. “You hunt in packs, we’re looking for the others”
There was a quiet moment where the insects of the forest droned on around them. “Uhhh… No?”
“No?”
The wolf slowly entered their field of view, his head low and hands up. His ears were flat against his head and he didn’t meet their eyes. “I wasn’t hunting you, I promise. I don’t…” his expression shifted into pain and disgust “eat animals”
“But…” Haru started, looking at the wolf with wide eyes “You just seemed so…”
The wolf found a way to look even more sheepish, moving to fold his hands over his muzzle. “I’m uh... “ his eyes looked around as if he’d find the words he needed in the spindly trees.
“Awkward?” She asked. He nodded. Haru relaxed in Louis’ arms.
Sighing, Louis moved past the wolf to pull his blouse from a tree. He put the seam of the sleeve against the sharp tip of his antler before grabbing the rest of the shirt and pulling downward, tearing the fabric. "Show me your arm."
Haru raised an eyebrow "Right now? Is this the best time?". He closed his eyes and his mouth tightened, so she said "fine" and held her arm out in front of him.
"Oh-"
"It's not that bad," she interrupted.
"It's not nothing." he sighed, eyeing the wolf for a moment before finding a boulder to sit on. "Sit in my lap and face me"
She settled onto his lap and put her arm between them. She watched him gently clean the wound and her ears twitched at the signs of the wolf moving. She turned, instinctively needing to know where he was, what he was doing. He was circling them. It was terrifying at first, but his eyes weren't on them. He was scanning the woods and glancing at the carnivore on the ground. It was fascinating, seeing a huge scary animal guarding them without any obligation to.
Louis wrapped the sleeve around Haru's arm and tied it. "There. Sorry it's wet"
She pulled his head down to kiss the bridge of his muzzle. "Thank you. It's weird to have it happen this way, isn't it?"
"Only mostly. It isn't so much because I'm bandaging you and not the other way around. It's… everything else." He looked down and gave a short astonished laugh before whispering to her "what about this excites you so much?"
Haru pushed her hands against his chest. He knew exactly what it was. She knew that he was just as thrilled by showing off as she was. "I can't help it" she whispered back harshly.
"Nobody's mad at you" Louis said, looping his arms under her ass and standing up. He felt the cold against his fur again when the cloak fell off his shoulders. He swore and crouched down to pick it back up and wrestle it back over them.
"Did you do that on purpose?" She asked with her lips against his neck
"Fuck no, it's colder than hell"
The wolf had their bags on his back, looking much smaller on him, and he was collecting their clothes from the trees. "Sorry…" he said, ears twitching as he glanced nervously at the dark shape on the ground "It's not safe for you to stay here"
Curiously, Louis moved to nudge the motionless body on the floor with his hoof. Ideally, he’d be able to get the bolt back.
The wolf yelped "Woah, hey, be careful!" He hurried over to clumsily drag the other carnivore further away. "I don't think we want to be around when he wakes up"
Legosi wondered how long it would take after the fight to stop hearing his own heartbeat. Walking with his arms full of soaked fabric, he could still feel a heat coursing through him. It occurred to him that maybe his nerves were the fault of the two soft, ethereal, naked herbivores huddled beneath his cloak. His cloak. Would it smell like them if he got it back? Was his body just reacting to the smell of blood and fear? "I- I know it's not ideal. Sitting with a whole pack of canines after… b-but there's always a fire there, every night so… you can warm up. There’s places for your clothes to dry too…" he swallowed. He had been too nervous to even glance back at them, He was only sure they still followed him from their smell and the sound of the deer's hooves. Would he be alright walking without boots on? Did animals with hooves wear boots? They'd have to be shaped differently, wouldn't they? He looked at the pile in his arms and hummed at the novelty of boots shaped to fit hooves.
Legosi's pack was a loud group of boys, barely adults, and varying levels of unhinged. For the first time in weeks, the circle around the fire went silent. All eyes were on the herbivores. "I- I can explain"
"I kinda think you have to, buddy," Jack said, brown eyes wide.
"I was checking the mushrooms. I saw someone. A jaguar I think. He was obviously uh… hunting. So I followed him. I think these two fell in the river? Can they sit at the fire with us?"
There was an extended moment of silence before the pack broke out into a chorus of "what the fuck, Legosi?", and "get over here before you all freeze"
Legosi normally sat next to Vos, maybe he could fit them in between him and the little fox. Best to put them near the least intimidating. The boys could be unruly, he couldn't imagine them putting much effort in to hide their fangs and claws. He glanced at the deer and rabbit and asked them to follow him. The deer raised an eyebrow at him. He was completely lost on what it could mean. His arms were still full of their belongings, so he couldn't sit yet. He was trying to figure out how to tell them where to sit when the deer stepped down into the pit, which surrounded the fire and had a ledge for seating. His friend's eyes widened further to a comical point. Legosi noticed the cloak dragging on the edge of the pit, pulling away from their bodies and he put two and two together. He tried not to think about it. It was only logical that they'd have taken off their wet clothes. He admonished himself in his mind as he started to arrange their things on the laundry chord. He needed to stop being such a creepy, predatory wolf. The deer settled closer to Jack than Vos, but that was fine. He draped a shockingly small, lavish bodice on the line next to embroidered britches. What kind of animals were they, to afford clothes like that?
With his hands occupied in his task, his mind deviously wondered to the memory of wet, bare fur gleaming in the moonlight. He'd never seen anything like it. He squeezed his eyes shut, but it couldn't block out what he was imagining. Their short fluffy tails. Her strong legs. The stag's hips. The way the deer's legs had splayed open when he turned to look at Legosi. The way they had smelled before fear overpowered everything else. A sweet smell like crisp apples and the reddest strawberry wine. It was arousal, wasn't it? It definitely was if their hushed conversation when he cleaned her wounds was any indication. He'd never smelled it on an herbivore.
He'd never seen bodies quite like theirs, either. The stag had scars on his chest that matched Legosi's, and between his legs…
"Legosi?" Jack called out to him, "You good, buddy? You look kinda upset. You keep tugging on your ears"
Legosi hadn't realized until that day what a filthy perverted wolf he was. He forced himself to withdraw from where he'd burrowed into his own mind, walking around the circle to take his place between Vos and the herbivores. He could smell them. Even over the smoke. It was like flowers and grass. He starred ahead of himself, at the fire.
"You were on the river all day?" Miguno asked incredulously, "You're really not from around here, are you?"
"If we're lucky, we were able to put some distance between us and the capital city" the rabbit said, her voice soft but sure.
Callot hummed "the capital, that's pretty far, isn't it?"
"My parents take two weeks to get there and back" Durham supplied.
Most of the canines turned to look quizzically at their guests. Jack had been staring into the fire with Legosi, though he was doing it out of thought. "I don't think that river touches the capital. Upstream… I think it crosses the border into Lepus?"
"Oh we're not in Lepus anymore?" The rabbit asked hopefully.
"Nemeaeus," the deer said with a sigh "at least we're out of the kingdom"
"Why would a rabbit leave Lepus?" Miguno asked and Legosi wished he could have stopped him. They didn't need to pry. "Isn't the royal family rabbits? Lions get a bit of special treatment here,"
"There was nothing for us there." said the stag vaguely with finality.
"We had to get away from our finances," the rabbit said plainly "people that were chosen for us when we were really young"
Jack whined "That's awful. It's good you got away"
Vos leaned forward, nearly crawling on Legosi's knee to look at them "does everyone in Lepus have arranged marriages?"
The rabbit waved a hand, "not really"
"Weren't you scared to go out into the woods? You brought something to defend yourself with, right?" Callot looked around, trying to figure out where Legosi had put all their things.
"You're out in the woods too" the deer pointed out.
The canines were baffled. "What do you mean?"
"Of course we are"
"We're that age, after all"
"You're what age?" The rabbit asked.
There was another moment of silence. "You don't know?"
The deer groaned in frustration "know what?"
"Well uh…" Jack looked around, trying to find a way to explain it "carnivores are at their worst for several years after puberty"
"Well that doesn't sound right but I don't know enough about carnivores to dispute it"
"So to keep the towns safe, we all go through a period of exile"
Another silent pause. "But you don't seem…"
"Wasn't there a jaguar…?"
"I just don't think this is how an animal at their worst acts" the rabbit continued to protest. "Welcoming strangers to your campfire. Farming mushrooms. Saving other animals and lending them your cloak"
Legosi could feel her eyes on the side of his face and it made his heart flutter. He braved a glance. In the light of the fire, the herbivores glowed in two different shades of gold. The deer's fur was tinted red under the yellow light, and Legosi couldn't remember seeing any white on his tail earlier. Red deer, then. The rabbit… it would be easy to understate how small and beautiful she was, and how utterly intimidated Legosi was by her. Her unwavering dark eyes. She seemed immovable.
He was really out of practice with meeting new people.
"Well Legosi's always been really sweet," Jack said, grinning with the knowledge that Legosi wouldn't be able to handle the compliment gracefully.
Legosi covered his face and was met with a sound that would haunt his dreams for the foreseeable future. Laughter. Light and bubbling, from the small, delicate lungs of herbivores. It scared him, the intensity of his own feelings. Was this how prophets and oracles felt when they met gods? Awed by the splendor and power of their artwork bodies. Simultaneously calmed and set ablaze by their steady gazes.
Jack looked at him with gentle worry "Legosi, are you crying?"
He blinked and felt the fur of his cheek grow wet "There's just smoke in my eyes…"
Legosi always had trouble contributing to conversions. The more animals around, the harder. But even as the pack turned in for the night one by one, it only got harder to talk to the deer and rabbit. By the time an hour and a half had passed, Durham left the fire and tucked himself away into his tent, leaving Jack and Legosi alone with the herbivores. The fire continued to lick hungrily at the bones of the wood. Jack fought with the weight of his eyelids.
"Jack", Legosi said, watching his friend dip forward.
The labrador perked up, trying to force his eyes open "yeah, buddy?"
He crawled out of the pit, walking around to stand behind Jack and placed a hand between his ears "Do you think maybe you should go to bed?"
"Why would I? 'M not tired"
Legosi could feel himself smile "you're not going to miss anything if you go to sleep"
Jack whined, but he pushed himself out of the pit. He leaned his head heavily against Legosi's chest, mumbling incoherently. Legosi put an arm around Jack and he was immediately the only thing holding the labrador up. He looked back at the silhouette of antlers and large ears "I'll be right back. If something happens, uh… just yell"
Jack was just a little bit difficult whenever the time for sleep came. Having guests in the camp only compounded the issue. Jack was the most sociable and energetic guy in the pack. He spent his days in high spirits and never much liked admitting when his body was tired. It had been that way since they were kids. Legosi had expected him to grow out of it by then, but he always had endless patience for Jack.
"What's up with you, man?" Jack asked when Legosi pushed aside the aged canvas wall of Jack's tent.
Legosi froze "what do you mean?"
Jack kneeled down and started pulling at the pile of blankets that served as his bed. "You glared at the fire all night. You seem tenser than usual" he looked up at Legosi, eyes surprisingly clear "it's alright if you're not okay. You almost saw animals get eaten"
Legosi swallowed and shrugged "it wasn't really that… I-I'm not the victim"
"Maybe seeing something horrible is enough" Jack mused as he curled into his blankets.
Legosi crouched by Jack's side, reaching down to scratch behind his ear. "I'm going to be okay, Jack"
Jack leaned into the touch, closing his eyes and sighing "don't rush it"
"Goodnight" he left him with a gentle pat and was met with a familiar thought. Is this what it feels like to have a brother?
He straightened his legs and ducked out of the tent.
"I think things will have to get cold for a moment. Are you ready?" The deer asked gently. They were standing by the laundry line and he held on to thin white fabric. The rabbit took a deep breath and nodded. The deer unwrapped the cloak from their shoulders, tossing it into the line with a bit of effort. His short tail twitched in the soft red glow of the embers as he bent to put her down. It was the first time Legosi saw them separate. "Arms up, princess"
Though shivering, she smiled up at him and lifted her arms. Her fur was completely white. Legosi hadn't seen breasts since being rid of his own and he couldn't help but marvel at how correct they looked on her. Between her legs nestled…
Legosi wined and put his face in his hands, trying to block out the image. With horror, he realized he was drooling. Filthy wolf. He couldn't get himself to move. Any moment, they'd see him. There would be repercussions for such terrible, predatory thoughts. He tugged at his ear. He'd never been so terrified of himself.
Time passed, though he didn't know how much, and nobody screamed or admonished him. He opened an eye and parted his fingers. They were back under the cloak, sitting side by side in their white underclothes. The rabbit leaned forward, her hands outstretched over the red charcoal. "I'm sorry," he said and they looked in his direction but not quite at him. "I- I mean I'm sorry the fire died down." He lied. Walking to the woodpile, he said "we can start it again. I think you need more time warming up"
"Thank you," said the rabbit, standing next to her traveling companion with her ears twitching. "For saving us. And your cloak and hospitality"
He felt his own ear twitch, and his tail might have wagged if he hadn't felt so wretched. He sat opposite of them, arms full of split logs which he started to carefully settle into the still-burning coals. "I think anyone would have stopped that jaguar if they knew they could. And I… couldn't leave you two out in the cold" not with the way they looked. So vulnerable. He couldn't leave them and risk anyone else devouring his- he winced at the thought. He was salivating again. He felt sick.
"You're very kind-hearted" she spread her fingers and reached them toward the fire. "I'm glad we met you and your pack. I'm not even upset that we lost our boat"
The deer smiled softly, lovingly, at the rabbit "I wouldn't go that far"
It was… way too late for Legosi to ask their names, wasn't it? Would they even tell him? They weren't going to stay in his life, they were on their own journey. The idea of having to spend the rest of his life thinking back to the night he met two beautiful herbivores from Lepus without even knowing their names… but he would think about them for the rest of his life, wouldn't he? All of that exposed fur. "You… you said you were traveling all day?"
"We were out of the city by sunrise," She said proudly.
"But you ate something, right? You brought food with you and made sure to eat some?"
They looked at each other, and then to the side, avoiding the wolf's gaze.
Legosi huffed, more than a little distressed, and scrambled to stand and hurried to their food supply "I'm sorry it's mostly mushrooms but we uh… we have some berries? Oh and soup" He collected food and herbs in his arms and returned to the fire. He Gave them berries and bread and set up the pot they used to cook above the fire. "Please eat" He said and it bordered on begging.
She ate immediately, but the deer watched him for a while, his expression too neutral to read. He raised a berry to his black lips while Legosi began to heat the soup. Suddenly, she frowned and shook her head. The deer looked down at her "don't eat so quickly on an empty stomach, Haru"
"Haru" Legosi repeated without thinking. He blushed and he could feel his ears droop under their gazes. "Sorry"
They stayed quiet for a second, assessing him. "I'm Louis"
Haru smiled "You're Legosi right? That's a nice name. We completely forgot to introduce ourselves in the midst of all that so if anything, we should be sorry. You really don't need to apologize to us so much. You saved us. Nothing you do tonight can be wrong"
Legosi blinked at her, feeling like his mind was a quarter of a minute behind her words. Even once he registered it all, he was sure he heard wrong, because he couldn't make any sense of it. What did she mean?
"You're burning the soup." Louis told him and Legosi couldn't help but shudder under his intense stare. He'd seen chunks of amber the same color as Louis' eyes in the firelight. He suddenly wanted to show them his little collection of forest oddities, the unfamiliar bugs suspended in crystalline sap.
"Sor-" he stopped himself and just corrected his mistake without comment. It was strange how he felt. Like they held an authority over him. Like he wanted them to give him orders. More than anything, he wanted to do as he was told to hear them praise him.
He had just gotten the soup into a wooden bowl when the heavens opened up to shower them in quite sodden snow. "Oh, shoot," he said under his breath "here, take the food, I'll get your clothes," Legosi handed Indy the bowl and sprang to his feet to collect the hanging fabric. He didn't think about anything but hypothermia as he held his tent open for the herbivores and ushered them inside.
He felt incredibly vulnerable watching their eyes trail around the humble room. Just one of Haru's brocade bodices was worth more than everything Legosi owned. Despite that, she seemed to marvel at the dried wildflowers tied around the center pole. Louis smiled faintly at the bee's wax candles Legosi had carved in his free time. They could find out so much about him just by looking around for long enough. It was worrying. He was sure they'd see something strange and realize they should be scared of him.
The clothes in his hands were still damp, so he did his best to find places to drape them. The rain fell steadily on the canvas of the tent, sounding like a drum in need of tension. It felt ironic to Legosi, who could feel nothing but tension. "So this is um… my tent. I guess I planned to let you two sleep in here while I slept outside but uh…" as if eager to help him make his point, thunder shook the sky above the forest. Their ears dipped down, retreating from the sound. Haru eyed his bed of blankets. "You can sit anywhere you want"
Haru hopped down from Louis' arms and burrowed into the blankets with a heavy sigh. "warm". She reached out to Louis, flapping her fingers until he rolled his eyes and settled next to her. He was struggling to keep his eyes open. It was cute. Haru looked up at Legosi "How long have you been out here?"
He swallowed and shied away from her eye contact "this part of the forest, or exile in general?"
She pushed the soup toward Louis with an authoritative expression "both, I guess"
"Well uh…" he scratched behind his ear "technically exile starts at fifteen. But I sort of started early by about three years… we wander around, mostly following where my physician goes. Been here around two months" it was hard to think back to a time before living in the woods. He'd be lying if he said he wouldn't go back given the opportunity. With as heavy as his guilt was, he was sure he'd never be able to go home. How did Haru and Louis feel about leaving their families?
She frowned, her brows drawn together in sympathy "That's so long. When is it over?"
"Soon. Voss will be done first, he turns 19 in February" he shifted around awkwardly, looking for a place to sit. He probably couldn't trust his wooden chest to hold his weight anymore. "We never really talk about what happens then. I guess I assumed we'd all wait until we're all old enough, but… they'd probably all want to go to their home towns."
Louis handed Haru back the soup and she glanced at it, looking unimpressed "no. Eat more". She turned back to Legosi and held her hand out to him expectantly.
Tentatively, he moved toward her, crouching low. He didn't know what she wanted from him, but he ventured a guess and gently lowered his paw into hers. She could really only hold two of his fingers, but her hand closed around them. She pulled on him, putting her whole body into the motion to drag him into the blankets. He scrambled awkwardly to keep from crushing her and sat next to her. The smell of them was filling the tent and he felt dizzy. He'd been overwhelmed since the first sight of them. It was terrifying. Dangerous. Something told him those feelings were the exact reason for the exile.
"It can be scary, the way growing up can send people in different directions," She said calmly "but the paths we're all walking on, no matter how straight and unyielding they seem, they twist and turn. It's inevitable that paths will cross more than once" she looked up at Legosi, her dark eyes somehow holding centuries of experience. "Does that make sense?"
He gripped the blankets tight enough for his claws to puncture them "I guess." He swallowed "I-in the morning, I can take you to the town. Or… closer to the town."
"That would be helpful, thank you"
Louis tried to get Haru to take the bowl again and when she didn't, he moved it in Legosi's direction "are there carnivores in the wilderness all over Nemeaeus?"
Legosi took the bowl and nodded. He was looking for somewhere to put it down when he caught eyes with Haru. She glared up at him. Unsure what she wanted, he slowly extended the bowl towards her.
Haru pushed the bowl back into Louis' lap and the deer groaned. "We'll have to plan our route to stay as safe as possible until the next kingdom"
"Where are you trying to go?"
Haru shrugged "wherever's far enough." She looked up at Louis "do you really think they'd cross the border?"
Louis shrugged "Your father definitely couldn't. But mine…” he brought the tip of his thumb to his dull front teeth in thought, “They might send guards after us. Knights, maybe. Could be trouble”
“Shit” Haru muttered, shocking Legosi. “We could recognize a knight, right? And if they’re palace guards or your father’s. We know them. We’d know when to run.”
“Unless they surprise us” Louis countered, “They could blend in with a crowd as easily as we can”. He reached up briefly, as if about to grab his own antlers “easier, arguably”
“Well…” a sly grin grew on her face “Not in spring”
Louis stared at her silently for long enough that Legosi wondered if they were both falling asleep.
“but it could be as early as January if we’re lucky”
The deer took a slow, heavy breath "you think we should spend the winter in the forest?"
"It's not practical, or ideal," she admitted. "But I don't know how much of a head start we have. They could catch up to us. If we wait and travel under hooded cloaks…"
Louis scratched at the base of his left antler with an expression of discomfort "we need to weigh the danger of the forest against the city. Would we rather be eaten or brought back to our families?"
There was a short silent moment, only enough time for Legosi to squirm under the pressure of the conversation.
"Eaten." they both said and Legosi was horrified. He was desperate to know what terrible things could be waiting for them back in Lepus, but there was no respectful way to ask.
"W-We picked up a spare tent a while back" he interjected, hoping to be helpful, but also hoping for the sake of his sanity that they choose the city instead.
"Oh. We'll have to ask your pack, won't we?"
Louis groaned and covered his face.
Haru rolled her eyes fondly and put a hand on his back.
"Just four hours ago, everything was fine," he said
"Things are fine now" she countered but backed down "Not great. But they're better than when we were about to be eaten or when we were freezing. Now we have dry underclothes and blankets. And Legosi's the temperature of the sun, so we aren't even going to lose any limbs to hypothermia."
Legosi blushed, absentmindedly putting a hand on his chest to try to feel his own heat. "I'm sorry. I could sit somewhere else …"
"Don't you dare" she said, boldly grabbing the collar of his shirt to pull him closer. He nearly toppled over her and into Louis' antlers. He had to brace himself on the ground to keep from crushing her or losing an eye. "I don't think we were quite ready for the fire to die"
Louis ran his hands over Haru, wherever she had exposed fur. His hand disappeared behind her and he hummed "your tail isn't dry yet, no wonder you're still cold"
"This isn't… scary for you?" He asked nervously, still held close by Haru. His nose was inches from Louis' face.
He furrowed his brows at Legosi "Of course it's scary, she could have died pretty easily out there"
"No" Legisi swallowed, unable to tear his eyes from Louis' neck. "I mean me."
From under their chins, Haru piped up "should you be?"
"W-well no, it's just that… I mean fangs are fangs, right?"
"Oh," Haru waved a hand "I figured it was a given that your teeth would be scary. You're terrifying" she told him like it was reassuring.
He tried to pull away but was reluctant to fight too heavily against her grip out of fear of hurting her. "Uh…"
"I've never been within two feet of a carnivore without my legs tensing" she admitted frankly "but there's a difference between the baseline ever-present fear and the uhh" she waved her hand in search of words "mortal terror of a near-death experience. You're like a knife in the hands of a chef"
He blinked, once again blown away by her candor "oh… thank you?" He drew his knees up under his chin to rest his head "if I fall asleep… I'm sorry. It's been a long night". He wondered idly if he'd be able to wake up at sunrise like he needed to. The last time he had trouble waking up in time was a year before, when he was still getting used to the change in his schedule. It was late, though. Something told him sleep wouldn't come easy. "Ms. Haru, your arm's going to be okay, right?"
She put her arm out and spread her fingers "I think it should"
"Maybe you should go into town tomorrow, anyway" he said, eyes falling closed. He tried to open them but was met with resistance. "Before it gets dangerous. Just to get supplies. Do you have money?"
"Yes"
"No"
Both of these answers came at the same time. Louis tilted his head "what do you mean?"
"I don't think banknotes with my-" she cut herself off "the king of Lepus would be accepted in Nemeaeus"
" 's a border town," Legosi said, still trying to be helpful even as he drifted. How were they still so awake? "Should convert Lepian currency"
Legosi loved his pack. They were his family. But they were also loud. He was just glad they never took it personally when he had to go for a walk, away from camp. His ears are sensitive and he was prone to agitation when he was overstimulated. He used to just suffer through it, but Jack always noticed the look of discomfort on his face when things got to be too much. The lab would always, very kindly, send him away for a much needed solitary moment. Jack and the rest of the guys were always so patient with him.
When he did have to get away, he liked to make the trip feel productive. That's why he was walking the familiar path to their small mushroom farm when he caught the smell of a stranger. Young carnivore. A big cat. He could smell adrenaline in the air. He took a deeper breath, trying to learn what he could, and he picked up the faint flowery perfume of an herbivore. Two herbivores. Almost unconscious of his own movement, he crouched low, his claws pressing into the undergrowth. A spot of black tore through the trees and Legosi gave chase without thought.
They were found in a little clearing by the river, surrounded by hanging fabric, holding each other. Bare and exposed, in the open. So vulnerable. The shivering of their bodies, the way their soaked fur sat flush against their contours. A lot more appetizing than mushrooms.
There was blood on his claws and he couldn't remember how it got here. It smelled unfamiliar. The rabbit enveloped protectively in the arms of a small stag, held on to her arm, blood seeping from between her fingers and dying her fur pink.
But…
that's not how it happened?
Was it?
Legosi didn't hurt her.
Did he?
Suddenly, he wasn't himself anymore. Or he was, just in a different role. The frigid night bit into him, his fur heavy with river water. A heavy cloak dropped on his shoulders as he span around, falling on his tail in the process. Silhouetted against the moon and skeletal trees, he could make out Louis' massive antlers and Haru's ears. They loomed over him, seeming powerful and dangerous. Naked before them, he knew he should pull the cloak around himself. He wasn't a particularly confident or shameless animal. He'd never been in a relationship or even kissed. He'd never thought of himself as the kind of animal who'd experience things like romance or sexual situations. He didn't know why he didn't scramble to cover himself, to try to retain any semblance of dignity. He was especially surprised by himself when his legs fell open, as wide as his hips allowed. He could feel his face burning as he exposed himself completely to them. He wanted…
He wanted to be devoured.
Watching Legosi sleep was objectively horrifying. Something about his dream made him growl, his jaws closing tightly around his blankets. He tangled himself in the things like he was wrestling snakes. He arched and clawed. It didn't look much like rest at all.
Ironically, Louis liked him better this way. It felt more honest. In his waking hours, that wolf was hiding so much he was impossible to trust. There were multiple moments when he'd gotten too close to Haru and Louis had to wonder how much force it would take for his antlers to do damage to a large carnivore. Even with his rolling snarl filling the tent, Louis felt more at ease than he did with the wolf awake hiding his claws.
"It's fucked up," Haru said, unprompted.
Louis hummed, fingertips rubbing behind her ears "what is?"
She leaned into him, pushing his blouse up to pet the fur of his thighs "I don't think I've ever seen you smile as much as you have today. It got to the point where I just assumed it wasn't how you express yourself. It's fucked up that no matter how hard today was, it's still the best day because we got you out. Sure, I wouldn't say you're happy now, we're not there yet. But I'm so glad I got to see you smile as much as you have today. It gives me hope. I don't know, I guess I'm mostly just angry. I hope this ruins him. I hope one day we'll be able to undo all that damage he did to you"
Louis swallowed. He got ready to say that he wasn't a particularly happy animal but… he had trouble saying anything definitive about himself. About who he was. When he tried to think about it, to nail down one character trait, he looked inward and found nothing. Like whatever personality he would have grown into was emptied out to make room for what the adults who sold and bought him wanted. He wasn't the kind of animal who was… entirely real? How could he phrase it? "I um…" he could feel his throat tightening and he held his head high, his face carefully neutral. If he let too much emotion show, he could die. "I don't know anything about myself" his voice sounded too small and fragile so he steeled himself "I'm not entirely sure there is anything about me. I wasn't born an animal, Haru, I was born venison"
She pushed against him, glaring up into his eyes "I know about you. You're Louis the red deer. You're smart and unbreakable. You're brave. I know you hold back your emotions and I understand why. I know you don't like to think about yourself. Eventually we'll get there, but until then, I'll think about you for you. If knowing yourself is too hard right now, just leave knowing you to me." She reached up, tenderly brushing her thumb over his cheekbone. "I know you do the same for me"
The stinging on the surface if his eyes was back- that same feeling from when he was curled around Haru worried he'd lose her. "I feel like I'm about to sneeze"
She looked at him with such gentle love that it hurt "maybe you need to cry"
He swallowed, but for some reason, it took more effort than usual "no, I probably just need to sneeze"
She grinned like she always did when she was sure she’d caught him in a lie. "Fine then, sneeze"
"On command?"
"Yeah, if you really don't need to cry, then just sneeze" she repeated, a challenge in her eyes.
"I don't… I don't think it works that way" he found his lips pulling into a smile, if only from bemusement.
She laughed and stood in his lap to press their lips together. "I don't care if I never see the palace again, you're smile is more than beautiful enough"
He let out a shuddering breath that felt like it betrayed how he felt. It was particularly annoying when he couldn't put a name to the emotion himself. There had been an overarching sense of relief from the moment they watched the capital city disappear behind the trees. Still, he used to be able to see his whole future laid out before him. Now that he was, for the first time in nineteen years, the sole owner of his body… he was blind to the road ahead. Just like everyone else, he supposed. But he couldn't ignore the unease he felt.
Haru scratched behind his ear before pulling away to look around the tent. "I wonder how he got so many blankets if he can't go to town." She ghosted her fingers over the carved candles. Most of them were beetles and other bugs. "Do you think his parents send them to him?"
Louis shrugged and moved away from the carnivore now that Haru wasn't keeping him still.
They watched the wolf growl and dig his claws into his blankets "I know he's… a good boy. But he's really scary, isn't he?"
"I don't trust him" he said, shaking his head. "Honest animals don't put that much thought into their body language"
"You'd know"
He nodded "I'd know."
She huffed "I think you're wrong. But you can't force trust" she leaned over a little box and looked inside "oh that's a big bug"
Louis raised himself to his knees and leaned over to her. There was a Hercules beetle shuffling around in a reconstruction of what must have been it's natural habitat. A large bug, but compared to Its caretaker, it was tiny. How could the wolf keep such a fragile little thing alive with his violent strength? "Huh. Pets"
"That's kinda cute, isn't it? I mean… having the empathy and patience to care for something that most animals wouldn't want around them"
"Maybe it's not fat enough to be worth eating yet" He said dryly.
She glared "don't be such a jerk"
"I didn't mean it. Entirely" he leaned against her, feeling a wave of fatigue wash over him. "Think you can sleep, Princess? I'll keep an eye on him"
"What, you're not going to sleep at all? How long? Until your antlers fall off?"
He grimaced "I am not entirely sold on the idea of staying here longer than we absolutely have to. I don't know how to sleep surrounded by all these dogs." He groaned and rubbed his face "just our luck that it was this dog. I'd have preferred the retriever or the fox."
"You're really ungrateful"
"We shot that cat just fine on our own"
"We'd have needed to reload. You know that. You're just being grumpy." She reached up and jostled him by the antler "I'll sleep first if you promise to wake me up the moment you need your turn. I'll even keep the bow loaded. I won't let anything happen to you"
"I'd feel better if I was awake to protect you"
She put a gentle hand on his cheek and gazed into his eyes "don't make me vomit"
He could help but laugh. "It’s really annoying when you make it hard to be upset"
She smiled "good"
"But you'll sleep?"
"If you sleep immediately after"
"Fine" he watched Haru take her place on the blankets, uncomfortably close to the carnivore and he wondered if she chose that spot just to bother him. Still, he picked up the bow to load it before sitting behind her and letting her lay back against his chest. He smoothed down her fur with a gentle hand until she fell asleep outside of the capital city for the first time in her life.