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The first time Harry's heart breaks they're five years old.
Harry's been in love with Miss. Welsh, their kindergarten teacher, for weeks now and has told Niall that she has to be in love with him too because last week she winked at him when he did a good drawing of them and yesterday she patted his head when he hugged her legs before he ran off to catch the bus. Harry's convinced that she loves him and that they're going to get married and have kids some day and Niall doesn't have the heart to tell him that she's old.
So Niall smiles and nods and agrees with whatever Harry says because he's Harry.
They're on the playground during lunch and Niall's watching Harry make a flower crown out of dandelions for Miss. Welsh when he catches a glimpse of a boy – a man – in a suit like the ones his dad wears walking towards the playground. He nudges Harry's shoulder and Harry looks up and then they're both watching the man and the man is walking straight towards where Miss. Welsh is helping Daisy build a sand castle. Harry pushes himself to his feet, like he's ready to defend Miss. Welsh if need-be.
But then Miss. Welsh looks up at the man and she smiles brightly and climbs to her feet and kind of throws herself into the man's arm with a blissful squeal. The man lifts her up, his arms wrapped around her back, and spins her around and around and Miss. Welsh laughs, pulling her head back to kiss him.
And then Harry drops the flower crown into the sand and Niall places his gaze on that boy instead of on the couple. Harry's bottom lip quivers and tears gather in his eyes and he grumbles gibberish – which Niall doesn't understand at all – and then he's stomping back towards the school.
Niall isn't sure what to do, because Harry's never had a tantrum before, but he follows the brunette boy anyway. He finds Harry sitting on the floor in the corner of the classroom, knees brought up to his chest with his face buried into his arms. The closer Niall gets he can see Harry's shoulders shaking.
And then Harry looks at him, lets out a sob and Niall scrambles through desks and chairs to get to him. He plops himself down onto the floor beside Harry and the second he puts his arm around Harry's shoulders the brunette boy curls into Niall's side. He whimpers something about Miss. Welsh and the man outside and the fact that she was supposed to marry him, not the older stranger.
Niall lets Harry cry for the last 20 minutes of lunch because Harry's sad – and, well, because the last time Niall cried because he was sad Harry had held him too.
X
They're eight years old the second time Harry gets his heart broken.
He's liked Cara and Cara has liked him for three weeks now so everyone decides they should get married. Including Harry, despite Niall's protests about being too young to actually get married.
All the kids in their class, along with a few from other classes, gather in the playground during lunch hour for the "ceremony". Harry calls on Niall to be his best man and Cara calls on her best friend Meghan to be her maid of honor and they get the pastor's son David to marry them.
Harry kisses Cara in front of everyone and everyone cheers and giggles and whispers – and then everyone disperses because the wedding is over and Harry and Cara go off on their own. Niall sees them a few minutes later, while playing footie with Josh, giggling under a tree.
Harry's heart breaks a week later when Cara decided she likes somebody else now and Niall spends their whole last recess of the day with Harry in the loo because Harry's hurting and embarrassed and yeah, he's stopped crying but he doesn't want people know he had been.
X
Harry's 13 when he meets Caroline and falls in love at first sight – and he's just turned 14 when she breaks his heart.
Caroline is a senior the year they start high school and not only is she part of the student government but she's a part of the welcoming committee too. Niall doesn't see anything special in her – sure, she's kind of pretty and she's really nice – but Harry sees love at first sight when he meets Caroline.
She, along with six other seniors, show all the new kids around the school in groups on their first day and Niall gets stuck in a group without Harry because his last name starts with an H and Harry's starts with an S – and it just so happens that Caroline is with Harry's group. And by the end of the day, Caroline is all Harry wants to talk about.
The school also has a thing called a Leadership Program which, essentially, means that everyone involved are tasked with helping out the freshman whether it be school-related or personal. And every time Harry has any kind of question or problem he goes to Caroline.
And yeah, Caroline is nice and sweet to Harry and she thinks he's "cute" and "charming" and Harry doesn't shut up about it. Like, ever. He's completely infatuated with her.
Harry's always been cute and charming, so flirting with her comes as second nature to him. Every time Harry flirts with her, Caroline smiles and blushes and then rolls it off her shoulder and calls him a flirt and says that he's definitely a heart breaker. Niall almost laughs at the irony when he hears that but then Harry says something about how he would never break her heart and the flirting starts all over again.
Niall wants to warn Harry about her because she's older and more experienced and more mature, but he doesn't have the heart to tell him that maybe Caroline isn't right for him. Plus, he knows that Harry wouldn't care anyway, because he doesn't see age as an obstacle despite what happened with Miss. Welsh all those years ago.
And then two weeks after Harry's 14th birthday, Niall wishes he had warned Harry because at least it might have cushioned the fall, in the end.
Harry decides Monday morning, on their way to school, that he's going to tell Caroline how he feels. Something inside Niall knows Harry shouldn't; knows that no good can come from Harry confessing his feelings to the senior, but he can't tell Harry that. And even if he did tell Harry that, Harry wouldn't listen to him anyway because there's no telling Harry anything when he has his mind set to something – especially if it has to do with love. So Niall just nods and wishes him good luck – and Harry scoffs because he "doesn't need luck, Niall. She likes me."
And, yeah, maybe Caroline does like Harry but she has a boyfriend – whose older, of course – that she's in love with and they're going off to college together and she's really, very sorry if she’s lead Harry on. Harry looks like he's just been slapped in the face and tears are gathering in his beautiful, green eyes and then he's stumbling out of the cafeteria and away from everyone including Niall, who reaches for him but can't reach him. Niall wants to hit Caroline, to yell and scream at her because why would she that? Doesn't she know that Harry's heart is fragile? Doesn't she know how lucky she is to have Harry be in love with her?
Harry tells his mum his stomach hurts and that he doesn't feel well so she lets him go home from school early. And when Niall goes to Harry's house after school he finds the brunette boy curled up under a blanket on the sofa in his living room watching Love Actually. Harry's eyes are red and puffy and his cheeks are flushed and he mutters something about how this movie has always made him sad but they both know it has nothing to do with the movie.
So Niall picks up the edge of the blanket and sits beside Harry, who curls himself into Niall's side and Harry restarts the movie from the beginning.
X
The thing about Harry is that he falls too hard, too fast. He doesn't think before he leaps and he doesn't check to make sure the person he's falling for is going to catch him. And yeah, sometimes they catch him but then they drop him later and, well, that's kind of the same thing.
Because in the end – whether it's Miss. Welsh or Cara or Caroline or Taylor or Andy – Harry always ends up with tears in his eyes and a broken heart and Niall always ends up being the one to pick up all the little pieces of Harry's heart and put them back together so Harry can love again.
X
Niall knows he's in love with Harry when they're 16.
He's had thoughts before and he always kind of wondered why his heart beat so much faster around Harry, always wondered why his palms would sweat and why the butterflies that came alive in his stomach before a football game would do the same whenever he saw Harry and why Harry was the last person he thought about before falling asleep and the first person he thought about after waking up. He's been curious as to why, for years, he's been so incredibly protective of Harry and why whenever Harry began to fall he'd wish it was towards himself instead of towards someone else. He's always kind of wondered and never really known.
Until, that is, they go to Sean's party and Niall spends the entire time watching Harry flirt with Sean. Harry never has any shame when he flirts and he never really cares who sees him – but Sean does, Niall can tell. Niall can tell by the way Sean leans away and pushes Harry's shoulders gently when he gets too close. Niall can tell that Sean isn't all that comfortable with the fact that Harry's trying to hang all over him and Niall can't help but think that if he were Sean he wouldn't have a problem in the world.
And when Harry – and Sean, coincidentally – disappear halfway through the party, Niall kind of feels sick to his stomach. Amy, a girl in his calculus class, does a good job of trying to distract him by getting him to play a couple rounds of beer pong, but the distraction doesn't last long.
Niall knows he shouldn't go looking for Harry because he knows that if Harry goes missing at a party it's because he doesn't want to be found, but he goes anyways. He goes because he can't help the curiosity gnawing away in his head. He leaves Amy and everyone else in the dining room, says he's going to use the loo, and instead of going down the hall to the one near the front door he makes his way upstairs. Sean's parents are gone, but he'd still told everyone that the upstairs floor is off limits – but if Harry and Sean are both gone they must be upstairs, right?
The butterflies in his stomach get worse the closer he gets to the top of the stairs. He hears movement from within one of the bedrooms and then hears the doorknob turn and he instinctively decides to duck into the bathroom across the hall. Sean walks out of the bedroom, alone, but his hair is messier than it was earlier in the night and his lips look a little swollen.
Niall waits until Sean is all the way downstairs before storming across the hall into the room because where the hell is Harry? And that's where he finds Harry doing up the buttons of his jeans before he snatches his shirt off the floor. His hair is messier than usual, his lips are bruised and darker and he's got this lazy, satisfied smirk on his face. And for a minute Niall doesn't know what to do. He’s frozen – and time is frozen – but that doesn’t stop his heart from beating wildly in his ears.
And then – “A-are you okay?"
And Harry nods slowly. "Why wouldn't I be?"
Niall blinks. "I – I just-"
"Harry and Sean, Niall," Harry murmurs, walking across the room to clap his hand on Niall's shoulder. "Harry and Sean."
And that's when Niall realizes that he's the one that isn't okay.
+
Harry's fling with Sean is a complete secret – in which Niall is the only one who knows and not even Sean knows that he knows – and it only lasts for a couple months.
Niall hasn't done a whole lot of talking to Harry because Harry's been so preoccupied with sneaking around with Sean and Niall doesn't want to have anything to with Sean. Even Louis, his and Harry's friend from middle school, is beginning to notice how much he really kind of doesn't like Sean and Louis doesn't even know about Sean and Harry.
And then one day Harry texts him and all the text says is: Meet me down by the creek. Please?
And Niall just knows.
Sure enough, Harry is in tears by the time Niall gets there and Harry's reaching out for Niall before the blond even has the chance to sit down. Niall shushes him and rubs his back and plays with his curls and does his best not to cry along with him as Harry clutches at Niall’s jumper.
And then – “He said he doesn't want to see me anymore," Harry mutters, choking on a sob. "He said he isn't gay – that he can't be gay – and that he likes girls, so I said that maybe he's just bi and that that's okay too and then he just...he went off. He started to call me a fag and said that I ruined him and-" he cuts himself off, his words getting lost in a fresh batch of sobs.
All Niall wants to do is kiss him better, kiss him until he forgets about Sean and Andy and Taylor and Caroline. All he wants to do is tell Harry that he's in love with him, that Harry should be with him, that Harry should choose him because he would catch Harry – he'd make sure of it.
But he doesn't.
X
Harry meets Nick only a few weeks into Uni and, as much as Niall wants to hate him – and does, a little bit – he doesn't really, because Nick is kind of perfect for Harry.
And yeah, Nick is kind of rude and blunt and sarcastic and Harry isn't any of those things, doesn't have a rude, blunt or sarcastic bone in his body, but they somehow manage to balance each other out.
Nick lives in a different dorm than them but he kind of becomes a fixture in everyone's lives, not just Harry's.
Louis doesn't like him at first but it's mostly because they're almost exactly the same and Louis likes to be "different". But even Louis sort of likes the lad.
Liam and Zayn, a couple of their other friends down the hall in their dorm, take a liking to Nick too because he's, like, genuinely cool.
Niall hates him because he makes Harry happy but he likes him for the exact same reason, so he's okay with Nick being around all the time.
And around all the time, he is – because Harry makes sure of it.
+
Harry and Nick decide to move in together after one year of dating.
They sign a lease for a flat just a couple blocks away from campus and are all moved in, with the help of Niall, Liam, Louis, Zayn and a couple of Nick's friends, the weekend before school starts. And then, naturally, Nick decides to throw a party and he invites everybody he knows – which is literally everybody.
The party is what one would call "epic". And, yeah, Niall's having fun like he always is and he's drunk like he always gets, but he still can't help to be a little bit worried for Harry. So when Harry finds him, he tells him and Harry smiles and pats Niall on the shoulder like he always does when Niall's worried about something and he says, "I know it's kind of fast, Niall. But I just... We're ready, you know? Nick and I – this is different; we're in this together, for the long haul. Everything's good."
And, yeah, Niall wants to tell him – wants to tell Harry that it should be him, not Nick. But then Harry's introducing Niall to a girl named Barbara; she's in one of his classes, she's super smart "and she's a part-time model. Model, Niall."
Barbara, Niall decides, is one of the most genuinely kind girls he's ever met. Not to mention she's beautiful and cute in a dorky kind of way and they really get on quite well. And when she asks him if he wants to head out early, he decides that saying no would be a stupid, stupid idea so he goes home with her. And for the first time in years Niall doesn't think about Harry because he's too busy thinking about this beautiful girl who just wants to have fun with him.
X
Niall begins to spend most of his free time with Barbara after that. They aren't dating, but they do sleep together whenever the mood arises and then sometimes they'll play video games or they'll study and it's just...good. It's easy.
And Harry spends ALL of his free time with Nick anyway. In fact, in the six weeks since the party, Niall's only seen Harry twice and both times it was at the pub and they were in a group and they barely got the chance to even talk.
The only person who seems to notice, besides Niall who thinks he's doing a fairly good job at ignoring it is Louis. And Louis says as much one night when they're brushing their teeth before bed.
"So, you and Harry haven't been talking all that much, aye?"
Niall shrugs. "Guess not."
"It doesn't bother you?"
"Should it?"
"Well, I mean, you're best friends."
"Yeah, well, Harry has Nick now, so..." Niall trails off, rinsing his tooth brush under the running water.
Louis scoffs, rolling his eyes. "You guys are ridiculous – he said the exact same thing about Barbara."
Niall's eyes narrow at the brunette, looking at him through the mirror. "What does this have to do with Barbara?"
"I dunno, just, when I asked him about it he said that you seem to spend all of your time with Barbara anyways-"
"He's the one that moved in with his fucking boyfriend and decided to become a hermit!" Niall says defensively. "He's also the one who introduced me to Barbara, so if it's anyone's fault it's his." He turns on his heel to leave the room, then, only to be stopped by Louis' voice.
"Are you in love with him?"
Niall freezes in the doorway and takes a deep breath before turning around to face him. "What?"
"You're in love with him, aren't you? And you always have been. I always thought it was just best friend-overprotectiveness but it's not, is it? It's jealous-overprotectiveness 'cause you're in love with him."
Niall swallows around the lump in his throat and shakes his head. "It doesn't matter anymore. It never has." And then he leaves, because he doesn't want Louis' pity and he doesn't want to think about Harry so he calls Barbara.
X
Four months later Barbara meets a boy and Niall's jealous but not in the way one would think – and not in the way he probably should be.
The thing is he likes Barbara, but he isn't in love with her. And Barbara likes this boy she met at the school cafeteria last week. So Niall wishes her good luck in pursuing the boy and they make plans to see the new Catching Fire movie next weekend and he leaves her dorm with an affectionate kiss to her cheek.
When he gets back to his and Louis' dorm he's surprised to see Harry sitting alone on the sofa in the living room. Harry looks over at him and smiles softly, lifting his hand in a silent wave.
"Hey," Niall says, looking confused.
"Lou's gone to get pizza with Liam and Zayn. I said I'd wait for you to get back," Harry says.
"Oh. Right, okay."
If the air is a little bit awkward between them neither one of them say anything about it.
Niall sits on the cushion next to Harry and lifts his legs to rest them on the coffee table, mirroring Harry's position. "How're things with Nick?"
"Good," Harry nods. "Good – we're thinking about getting a cat."
"Oh nice."
"How are things with Barbara?"
"Over."
"Ah, mate, I'm sorry."
Niall shrugs. "'S'ok. It wasn't all that serious anyway and we're still friends – going to see a movie next weekend, so..."
Harry nods. "Why's it over?"
"She met a boy last week. I guess they've been texting back and forth and...I dunno, I kind of stopped listening after she said we couldn't have sex anymore."
Harry snorts and laughs, then, and so does Niall and by the time Louis, Liam and Zayn arrive with pizza it's like everything's gone back to normal. Almost.
X
Everything changes two months later when Niall returns to his dorm room after working at the bar – it's nearly three o'clock in the morning – to find Harry sitting on the floor with his back against the door. Niall pauses mid-step, a few feet away and looks Harry over; he doesn't appear to be drunk or hurt or anything, he's wearing his usual black skinny jeans, a dark grey long-sleeved shirt and a blue beanie.
"Harry?"
Harry's head snaps up and that's when Niall sees it – the tears in Harry's eyes and running down his cheeks, the puffiness around his eyes, his flushed cheeks and chest. Harry's been crying and, from the looks of it, it's either been very hard, for a very long time or both.
"Jesus, Haz-"
And that's when Harry lets out a sob and pushes himself to his feet. Niall closes the few feet between them, drops his back pack on the floor at this feet and manages to catch Harry just as the brunette falls into Niall's arms.
It's another 10 minutes before Niall manages to get Harry into the flat and another couple of minutes to get Harry down the hall and into his bedroom. Harry's stopped crying momentarily and he sits on the end of the bed, staring down at his hands in his lap. Niall leaves the room to get a glass of water and shoves it into Harry's hands when he walks back in.
"You know Lou's been here all night, right?"
Harry nods. "I didn't want to wake 'im up – and I didn't wanna see anyone else."
Niall nods to himself as he sits on the bed next to Harry. "What happened?"
Harry shakes his head, lets out a bitter, disbelieving laugh and looks up at the ceiling in a vain attempt to hold back tears.
Niall slips his hand between Harry's and fits his fingers into the spaces between Harry's. "Harry..."
"He left," Harry mutters. "Last week I brought up the thing about the cat 'cause we hadn't talked about it in a while and he said he didn't have time to talk about getting a cat right now because of work – so I brought it up today, when he got home from work and he just...went off. Said he isn't ready, said we're moving too fast and that he doesn't want to be in a committed relationship right now and that – that I'm too intense for him. I told him we could take a step back, that we didn't have to get a cat just yet if he didn't want to and then he just decided that he was gonna move out. So he packed some things into a bag and said he'd be back next week to get the rest of his stuff..."
Niall blinks, taken aback. Because that the fuck? Harry and Nick have been happy; they've been perfect. Haven't they?
"I – Niall-"
And then Harry's choking on a fresh batch of sobs and he's clutching at his chest with his hands and Niall gathers him into his arms and pulls him properly onto the bed. Niall curls himself all around Harry, as though holding him so tightly will keep him from falling apart.
It doesn't work, though, because one minute Harry's moaning (and hiccupping) that it feels like his heart is literally breaking apart in his chest and the next Harry's leaping out of the bed and skidding down the hall to the bathroom. Niall follows him quickly and Harry barely falls to his knees in front of the toilet before he's throwing up into the bowl. Niall rubs Harry's back to soothe him and wets a cloth with cold water to put on the back of his neck and gets him another glass of water – and when Louis gets woken up by the sounds and comes to investigate, Niall tells him not to worry although he, himself, is very worried.
Because this time it's different. This isn't the unrequited puppy love a kindergartener experiences on the playground, nor is it a breakup between two people where one of them wasn't all there emotionally anyway. This is real, actual, tangible heartbreak.
And Niall hasn't seen Harry cry like this, so ugly and brokenly and so hard that it makes him throw up, since he found out his parents were divorcing when he was 10.
Neither of them get to sleep until around 5:00 a.m. and, even then, Harry spends most of the time tossing and turning and Niall spends most of it with one eye open so he can be there if Harry falls apart again.
X
Harry doesn't leave Niall's and Louis' dorm for three days. Hell, he rarely leaves Niall's bedroom unless it's to use the loo or get a drink of water. And Niall's pretty sure that, except for the food he's practically had to force feed Harry, the brunette boy isn't even eating. He spends most of his time balled up in Niall's bed, sometimes with his whole body under the covers and refused to go to his classes or to his job.
And yeah, maybe Niall babies him a bit – and maybe Louis doesn't understand why, tells Niall it isn't his job to take care of Harry, but Niall does it anyway. Because this is Harry at his worst and this isn't a Harry he likes to see. Because Louis isn't there when Harry cries so hard he starts to cough and he isn't there when Harry hides under the covers because he doesn't want Niall to see him and he isn't there when Harry finally gives in and lets Niall crawl underneath the covers and curls himself around Niall like he's some kind of life preserver.
That's why when Nick texts Harry five days after he left, Niall decides that he'll go with Harry to the apartment when Nick gathers the rest of his things. He doesn't want Harry to have to be alone and he most certainly doesn't want Harry to have to be alone with him.
Harry is a nervous, fidgety mess when they get to Harry's flat and Niall holds his hand when they sit down on the couch to watch the telly. The telly is just a vain attempt to ease Harry's uneasiness, but Niall knows that Harry's anything but at ease.
"I feel like I'm gonna be sick," Harry mutters.
"It's fine, Haz. You'll be fine," Niall reassures him.
The front door opens, then, and in Harry's haste to climb to his feet he knocks his shin on the coffee table. He curses as Niall stands up behind him. And then Nick walks in, flanked by his friend Matt, and Niall can practically see the tension working in Harry's shoulders.
Nick greets them with a short hello as he closes the door behind Matt and that's when all four boys fall into an incredibly awkward silence. It's also when Niall decides he's never actually hated anyone more than he hates Nick right now, because he knows that Harry is freaking out inside and that it's taking everything the curly-haired boy has not to run across the room and try to force himself into Nick's arms. Niall puts a hand on Harry's shoulder and vaguely notices the way Nick's gaze zones in on where his hand has come into contact with Harry's shirt.
"I'm just gonna..." Nick trails off, cocking his thumb in the direction of the hallway.
"Uh, yeah," Harry mutters.
And then Nick and Matt disappear down the hallway and Harry groans as he turns and presses his forehead against Niall's shoulder.
"Please don't let me cry in front of him," Harry whispers.
"We'll listen to music, yeah. 1975?"
"I – yeah. Yeah," Harry nods, as Niall goes to put Harry's current favourite record on.
+
The music only lasts ten minutes before Nick calls Harry into the bedroom to sort out their clothes; Harry and Nick have been sharing clothes for most of their relationship – much like how Harry and Niall have traded clothes their whole lives – and Nick thinks it’s only fair for them to sort it out together. With Harry disappearing into the bedroom with Nick, Niall turns off the music and turns on the telly for himself and Matt. He can see Matt staring at him every now and then out of the corner of his eye.
After 20 or so minutes of awkward silence with Matt, Niall decides it's about time to check up on Harry and Nick. He leaves Matt alone in the living room without a second thought and heads down the hallway towards Harry and Nick's – just Harry's now – bedroom, slowing to stop just outside the door when he hears Harry's broken voice from within.
"Please, Nick, just listen-"
"There's nothing to listen to, Harry. It's over."
"It d-doesn't have to be."
"But it is. I can't – I can't do this anymore. I'm not-"
"Look, if this about the cat then we can just forget it – we don't need to get a cat-"
"It's not about a fucking cat, Harry! I just can't be with you!"
"So this is it? You're gonna throw away almost two years just like that?"
"Stop it, Harry-"
"Can't we just – can't you just think about it a little more? You can stay here and I'll just go back to Niall's-"
"So you've been at Niall's?"
"I mean, yeah."
Nick snorts. "Of course you've been at Niall's."
"W-what does that mean?"
"...I'm not gonna explain it to you, Harry. Just, do you want this shirt or not?"
There's a long pause and Niall swears that if he hears Harry break down right now he'll break down that door and break in Nick's face.
"I-I don't care, Nick. Just take whatever you want."
And then suddenly the door is opening and Niall steps back when Harry nearly barrels right into him. Niall stares at him for a minute.
"I'm fine," Harry whispers, although they both know he's not. And then he's walking away and instead of following, Niall glares at Nick as he walks into the room.
"You don't have to be such a dick t' 'im, you know," Niall growls.
"Don't pretend like you care about our relationship," Nick snaps, tossing some clothes into an empty suitcase on the bed.
"I don't," Niall retorts. "I care about Harry and the fact that you're breaking his fucking heart, Nick."
"Of course you do."
"If you have something to say to me just say it."
Nick pauses for a minute, his knuckles white against the sides of the suitcase, before he turns to face Niall. "You kind of enjoy this, don't you? The fact that every time he gets his heart broken he runs to you. The fact that it's you he finds comfort in and it's your arms he curls up in and it's your voice he needs to hear. You like to feel needed – wanted – by him, even if it's just for a little while."
Niall glares at him. "Yeah. And then once I've put him back together again because someone like you has ruined him, he finds someone else to love who ruins him too."
Nick smirks, but Niall can't tell if it's out of smugness or bitterness. "Maybe you should just make your move then, instead of just standing by and watching him move on."
Nick's words echo in Niall's head all day long. Just make your move. Just make your move. Does Nick know? How does Nick know?
And then later in the evening, once Nick and Matt have left and once Harry has stopped crying enough to form coherent sentences, Niall tries to coax him into going back to his and Louis' dorm. Only Harry doesn't want to leave and when Niall decides that he could just stay there with Harry, Harry tells him he wants to be alone. Harry wanting to be alone isn't unheard of but it's unusual and Niall is kind of nervous but he's never been one to disobey someone's wishes so he leaves.
X
Niall doesn't see Harry for over a week and doesn't hear from him aside from the odd one word answers when Niall texts him wondering if he's ok. On the ninth day, Niall really begins to worry so he ropes Louis into taking him over to Harry's flat. (His own car is in the shop, so Louis' his only mode of transportation apart from the bus and he hates the bus.)
"I mean, I love Harry like a brother and I know you're in love him, but this can't be healthy for you, Niall," Louis' saying as they step out of the elevator.
"I can handle it, Lou. I just haven't seen him all week and I'm worried about him, ok?"
"Yeah and you're gonna walk in there and he's gonna be a wreck and you're gonna fawn over him like you always do and then in a month's time – maybe – he'll fall in love with someone else and you'll just be tossed to the side-"
"He doesn't toss me to the side," Niall protests.
"You know what I mean, Niall."
"I can't just leave him alone, Lou."
Louis sighs as they come to halt in front of Harry's door and turns to look at Niall.
"Look, you don't have to stay if you don't want to. I'll walk back after-"
"Shut up – are you kidding? Of course I'm staying," Louis scoffs.
And then Niall's letting them into the flat and -
Well everything's basically exactly as Niall left it a week ago: completely spotless. It's like nothing's been touched – or thrown or kicked aside – like Niall has kind of expected.
"Well, this is a good sign," Louis chirps.
"No, this isn't good. Harry?" Niall calls out, dropping his backpack on the floor. "Harry!"
Niall's heart jumps into his throat as panic begins to settle in and Louis seems to notice because as Niall's rushing down the hall towards Harry's room and Louis' on his heels saying, "he wouldn't, Niall. He wouldn't."
The door nearly flies off its hinges as Niall throws it open – and they're met with Harry lying on his back on top of the covers, his hands folded over his stomach as he stares up the ceiling. There's a few empty soda and water bottles littered across the floor along with a few dirty plates and a couple take-out bags – which isn't nearly enough for Harry to have eaten regularly over the last week, but at least it's something.
"Harry," Niall breathes, relief flooding over him so quickly it crashes over him. "Jesus, Harry." He walks across the room to stand next to the bed, nudging the brunette's shoulder with his fist. "Hey."
Harry finally looks at him. "Hey."
And then Louis' next to Niall, scrunching his nose. "Good Lord, Harold. When was the last time you showered?"
Harry merely shrugs.
"Oh, Harry," Niall whispers.
"Lay down with me," Harry murmurs.
And Niall nods, crawling over Harry onto the bed. He lies on his side, facing Harry, who just continues to lie on his back. "How much have you eaten?"
"I haven't been hungry."
"How much have you slept?"
"Too much, probably. Maybe not enough, actually."
"You really do smell."
Harry lets out a bit of laugh, which is something – even if it is kind of forced and broken.
"Why haven't you called me? I would've come over."
"I know," Harry whispers. "But I'd already made you stay with me for five days so-"
"You didn't make me do anything," Niall argues, ignoring the look Louis gives him as the lad begins to clean up the dirty dishes. "You know I'm always here."
"That's part of the problem."
Niall blinks. "What?"
"Hey, I have an idea," Louis announces, balancing the plates in his arms. "When was the last time you had a drink, Harry?"
Niall glares at Louis past Harry's face. "I don't think that's a good idea."
"Are you kidding? It's a great idea! That's what people do when they're heartbroken, Niall."
"No, Lou-"
"Seriously, Niall, go run Harry a shower, Harry get out of those disgusting clothes and take a shower and I'll finish cleaning up and then I'll call Zayn and Liam and we'll go out for dinner and drinks – lads night!"
Niall sits up, looking skeptical. "Lou-"
"Don't be a Debbie Downer, Niall. Let's go."
+
Harry is reluctant and quiet at first. He picks at his food all through-out dinner but manages to finish most of it – and yeah, maybe Niall helps a little bit. And he's quite reserved when they get to the pub, even when Louis buys him his first beer.
Niall is also reluctant, because they've never done this before. Or, rather, Harry has never done this before; this whole drink-until-you-can't-feel-anything-at-all-especially-your-broken-heart-thing.
On his second beer in, however, Harry begins to loosen up and come out of his shell and all of a sudden he's playing pool against Liam and taking shots with Zayn and Louis. And Niall wants to get crazy drunk with them, really – because he is Irish, after all – but he can't bring himself to do it because he's worried about Harry. Because Harry doesn't really have a drunk personality; sometimes he's a happy drunk, sometimes he's a sad drunk and sometimes he's just, well, drunk. And Niall's afraid that he'll turn into a sad drunk with ugly tears and heart-wrenching sobs, so he cuts himself off at two beers and tells Louis he'll drive.
Niall's sitting in the booth they'd chosen when they'd arrived a little while later when Harry flops onto the bench next to him. Harry slings an arm around Niall's shoulders and presses his forehead to the side of Niall's face for a beat of a second before pulling back.
"Niiiialll," Harry sing songs.
Niall laughs, rolling his eyes.
"'m glad ya dragged me out tonight, Niall. You're the best," Harry slurs.
"It was Louis' idea, remember?"
Harry shrugs. "Still. An' 'm glad you're here, Ni. You're the bestest friend I've ever had." He grins cheekily because he doesn't care if bestest isn't a word.
Niall shakes his head as he looks away from Harry and down at his hands because friend.
"Seriously, Ni. You're the greatest person I've ever known and I honestly don't know what I would do without you," Harry murmurs. "Actually, I do know – I'd do nothing. I'd be nothing, 'cause I'm nothing without you-"
"Harry, stop-"
"But it's true. You're, like, the greates' thing that's ever happened t' me," Harry slurs. "Aside from my mum and Gem, you're basically the only constant thing in my life and – and I dunno what I'd do if you ever left me-"
"Never," Niall cuts him off, lifting his hand to curl it around the back Harry's neck. "I would never leave you, Haz."
Harry grins, cocking his head to the side as he pushes a hand through his hair and stares sideways at Niall. Niall stares back into Harry's glazed over eyes and, yeah, they look sad but there's also something like hope in them. His gaze flickers down to Harry's wet red, pouty lips and he thinks about surging forward and pressing their lips together and taking Harry away from here, away from everything.
"Why couldn't it be you?" Harry murmurs. "Why couldn't you just be with me?"
Niall's eyes widen and his heart beat picks up and he wants to ask what that means – what Harry means-
But then Liam is dragging Harry back to the pool tables because there's a couple of girls – girls they don't know – who want to play pool. And Niall climbs out of the booth to go over and watch; and, yeah, he totally notices the way one of the girls – tall, slim, black hair and beautiful face – looks at Harry.
+
Harry and this girl, Kendall, hit it off right away and Kendall laughs at Harry's lame jokes and she rubs his arm when he makes a bad shot on the pool table. She clings to him and leans on him and smiles up at him and Niall knows that Harry feeds off the attention; he always feeds off the attention.
So it shouldn't be a surprise, then, when they start huddling into corners and taking shots at the bar together. Nor should it come as a shock when Harry announces that he and Kendall are going to "take off" but it does. It makes his head spin and his heart jumps into the throat and his stomach churns like he's going to throw up. Because what?
Harry helps Kendall into her jacket and Liam and Zayn are chuckling somewhere behind them as Niall stumbles forward to grasp Harry's arm. "Harry – Haz," he stutters.
"Hmm?"
"Can we-" he cuts himself off, dragging him a couple feet away so they're out of ear shot of everyone else, including Kendall.
"What, Niall?" Harry chuckles drunkenly as he struggles to put on his own jacket.
"I don't think this is a good idea," Niall tells him, trying desperately to keep the shakiness out of his voice.
"I'm about to get laid, Niall – what about that isn't a good idea?" Harry grins cheekily.
"I just-Harry, you don't... You've never done this before and I just don't think it's a good idea," Niall says and he's well aware that it has a little bit less to do with Harry and more to do with himself.
"Then maybe I should start," the brunette smirks.
"You don't even know her."
"Maybe that's the point, yeah?"
"Haz-"
"Niall," Harry says softly, placing his hand on Niall's shoulder. "I know you're worried about me and I know you have every right to be but just...trust me on this. Okay?"
And then Harry pulls him into a hug and turns away and bids everyone a goodnight before taking Kendall's hand and letting her lead him out of the pub. Niall feels numb all over and he struggles to hold back tears and to keep his breaking heart from knocking him to the floor.
Louis' hand lands on Niall's shoulder and Niall flinches away from him, shrugging him off violently. "Ni-"
"Don't touch me," Niall spits, whirling around to face him. And all of a sudden he's breathing heavily like he's all out of air and everyone is staring at him with wide eyes. "I hate you so much right now."
+
Louis spends the entire ride home trying to apologize but Niall refuses to look at him, let alone speak – not even to Liam and Zayn when he drops them off at their own dorm. But it's not until they make it to their own dorm and Niall's about to make his way to his bedroom without a word that Louis snaps.
"Would you stop ignoring me? How many times do I have to apologize, Niall – how many more ways do I have fucking apologize?! What more do you want from me?"
Niall whirls around, glaring angrily at his roommate. "I told you it was a bad idea to go out-"
"How the fuck was I supposed to know that he was gonna take the first pretty thing he saw home with him?!"
Niall opens his mouth to retort, but closes it again when he realizes he has nothing to say.
"If it's anyone's fault, Niall, it's yours. How many times have I told you to tell him?"
And then all of a sudden Niall's crying and Louis' arms are around him and Niall just can't stop. "It's not fair," he murmurs, clutching at the fabric of Louis' jumper.
"No, it's not," Louis agrees. "Harry should be here doing this like you are for him, not me."
X
Niall awakes to the smell of fried eggs and sausage, but Louis' still asleep next to him. He sits up slowly – his head hurts from crying last night – and he's still wearing his clothes from the night, minus his jumper, as he reaches for the golf next to his bedside table. Because who the fuck breaks into someone's house and then cooks breakfast?
The club is raised over his left shoulder as he walks down the hall towards the kitchen and then –there's Harry, standing in front of the stove in his signature black skinny jeans and a sweater that is much too big on him, his curls hidden beneath his favourite blue beanie. And as if on cue, Harry turns and faces him and his face scrunches up in utter confusion. And then he smirks and lifts his hands in mock surrender. "I come in peace," he chuckles.
Niall rolls his eyes as he drops the bat. "What the fuck, Harry? Who breaks into someone's place and cooks breakfast?"
"Who threatens someone cooking breakfast with a golf club?"
Niall glares at him.
"I hardly broke in, I have a key," Harry points out, turning back to the stove. "And I called but you didn't answer so I figured you were hung over or something and I was bored and hungry, so..."
"Bored? What, Kendall didn't do it for ya?" He hopes Harry doesn’t catch the bitter undertone in his voice even as he says it.
Harry snorts, then. "Oh no, she did."
Niall's stomach twists unpleasantly as he sits on one of the stools at the island. "Right."
"I drove her back to her hotel this morning; she's been here with her family on vacation and they leave tomorrow. The girls she was with last night are her sisters."
"Oh." And yeah, maybe Niall feels a little bit better knowing that Kendall won't be around much longer.
"Where's Lou?"
"Sleeping."
"I'll leave some for when he gets up then," Harry says, turning to face Niall from across the island, two plates in hand. He slides one across the counter at Niall, who isn't all that hungry but eats anyways because Harry's fry-ups are impeccable.
Niall watches Harry from across the island and he looks every bit of a lad who just got laid: smug, pleased, chipper. And normally Niall might ask his friend how his night was, but he can't bring himself to do it this time.
"I had a one night stand last night."
But that doesn't stop Harry from wanting to talk about it.
"A one night stand, Niall," Harry chuckles. "I've never done that before."
"Yeah, congratulations," Niall mutters.
"It's kind of liberating, you know? Like...total freedom."
"Yeah."
"Hey," Harry says softly – and Niall looks at him. "Thanks again for last night. I really needed it."
"Yeah, no problem."
"So did you pull last night? Guy or girl?"
Niall thinks about lying. Thinks about bragging about sleeping with some made-up person. But he doesn't. "I didn't pull anyone."
"Sucks."
And then all of a sudden there's the sound of bare feet against the floor in the hallway coming from Niall's bedroom and Harry's eyes widen. "You liar! You totally pulled last night – who is-" Harry cuts himself off the second Louis comes around the corner dressed, like Niall, in the same clothes from yesterday. He glances between Louis and Niall with a look of confusion and betrayal and, Niall wonders if he's crazy, something like hurt. (They all know that Louis' room is on the opposite side of the dorm.) "Did-did you guys – what-"
And Niall wants to lie – again. Because, yeah, a part of him wants Harry to hurt but mostly he just wants to see Harry's reaction.
"No!" Louis shouts. "No, of course not. I mean, yeah, Niall's fit but I'm straight as a rod, remember?"
"Then why were you in Niall's room?" Harry wonders.
"He was ups-" Niall cuts him off with a glare from across the kitchen. "I mean, you know Niall. He likes to cuddle when he's been drinking, so..."
"Right," Harry mutters, looking down at his plate.
Niall's proper confused now.
"Hey, did you make breakfast, Harold?" Louis asks rhetorically, because they all know he did. "This is why you're my favourite non-roommate."
X
Niall finds himself avoiding Harry over the course of the next month. He doesn't necessarily mean to – okay, he kind of does – but it's just that he doesn't want to face Harry right now. Not with his head and his heart being all mucked up, more so than before anyway. Plus, Louis suggests that perhaps he takes some time to think – time away from Harry – and Niall thinks he's right, especially after what happened the Kendall.
The thing is Niall's always been good at hiding his feelings from Harry. He's always been good at masking his jealousy as just being worried and pretending that his heart doesn't break every time he chooses someone else. And it's just that suddenly, ever since Nick left Harry if he's honest, everything has turned on its head: his feelings, his thoughts, his whole entire being. And he isn't sure how much longer he can keep his feelings a secret – but he isn't sure he can actually bring himself to tell Harry either.
Louis has never understood why Niall has never told Harry, no matter how many different ways Niall has tried to explain it. The simple explanation is that he doesn't want to risk Harry not feeling the same way – and he pretty much knows Harry doesn't – and having it change everything. The simple explanation is that Niall has never been ready to lose Harry's friendship just because he couldn't stop his heart from falling in love and, quite frankly, he isn't sure he ever will be ready.
X
Harry corners him outside his class on a Thursday and Niall knows he's stuck because Harry knows he never works – or does much of anything – on Thursday night.
Niall's plan is to just go home and watch Derby, but the second he sees Harry leaning against the wall directly outside of his classroom as he's walking out he knows he won't be watching Derby – or anything – tonight. Harry's got that look about him, this determined look that Niall usually finds amusing. "Hey," he greets the curly haired boy as he stops there in front of him. And then he keeps walking and Harry falls into step beside him.
"We need to talk," Harry says. And yeah, he's determined.
"I'm busy tonight, Harry," Niall says, which isn't a complete lie at least.
"Doing what? I know Liam, Zayn and Louis are all working tonight."
"I'm just busy-"
"Why are you avoiding me?"
Niall sucks on a breath – and continues to avoid Harry's gaze. "'m not."
"You are," Harry replies firmly, reaching forward to tug on Niall's arm and force him to stop walking. "You've been avoiding me for the last month, Niall."
"I'm not-"
"I know you better than anyone – I know when you're avoiding me and I know when you're lying to me. Why are you lying to me, Niall?"
Niall sighs and licks his lips. "Look, I can't right now, okay?"
"No, it's not okay!" Harry yells, attracting weird looks and curious stares from some of Niall's classmates as well as from students he doesn't know. Niall blushes sheepishly and opens his mouth to say something but Harry cuts him off. "I want to know what the hell is going on with you, Niall. I think I deserve to know, considering I'm clearly the only person who doesn't because Louis, Zayn and Liam all know and won't tell me – so you don't get to not tell me, Niall."
"Fine – okay, fine," Niall replies, ignoring the way his stomach fills with butterflies and the way his heart picks up speed in his chest. "Just...let’s just go back my dorm, yeah?"
"Fine," Harry agrees.
"Fine."
+
"Do you want something to eat?" Niall asks the second they walk through the door. Their entire walk back here was quiet and awkward and now that they're actually here, Niall wants to just fill the silence with anything and everything.
"Not hungry," Harry mutters as he closes the door behind him and kicks off his boots.
"Do you want tea? Or I think I still have some of that coffee stuff you wanted me to try, I could make that? And I have beer, of course, if you-"
"Water's fine."
Niall pauses for a minute, watching Harry as he places himself at the kitchen island before turning away to open the fridge. "Okay." He grabs a water bottle for Harry and a beer for himself before kicking the door closed and tossing Harry the water bottle. He continues to watch Harry, who's staring down at the bottle in his hands as his fingers play with the label and thinks that things have never been this awkward between them – and he hates it.
"Are you gonna tell me or am I gonna have to ask again?" Harry asks softly.
"I don't know what you want me to say, Haz," Niall sighs.
"How 'bout the truth?" Harry suggests harshly, glaring up at Niall. "You've barely spoken two words to me since we went out last month and I cooked you breakfast, you won't hang out with us when I come over to hang out with the boys, you barely even acknowledge me anymore – so I want the truth! If it's something I did or said, then just tell me, Niall. Tell me what I did wrong." Harry's voice is soft and shaky by the end of his outburst, sort of desperate and pleading and it makes the guilt in Niall's chest hurt.
Niall sighs, resting his elbows on the counter. He leans down and lets his hands run through his hair before dropping his head down.
"Just tell me and I'll leave you alone," Harry whispers.
Niall's head snaps up at that. "I don't want that."
"Could've fooled me."
"I'm just – I'm going through something right now and I-"
"Then tell me what it is," Harry pleads. "Everyone else knows, Niall, I'm the only one who doesn't. Why am I the only one who doesn't know?"
"Because..."
"We're best friends, Ni. I tell you everything – we tell each other everything, so why can't you tell me this? Why are you hiding it from me? If it has something to do with me, then-"
"It has everything to do with you!" Niall shouts suddenly – and he regrets it the second the words are out of his mouth. His eyes widen in shock at his own outburst and he claps his hands over his mouth as he stares straight at Harry. Fuck.
Harry stares at him, looking lost and confused and so incredibly hurt. "Wh-what? Why? Niall, what'd I do?"
"Nothing," Niall says automatically as he moves around the island so he's standing beside Harry – only Harry backs away. "You didn't – it's not your fault-"
"Obviously it is."
"No, it's my fault."
"What's your fault? What the fuck are you talking about?"
"I'm in love with you," Niall rushes out – and this time it's softer but it's deliberate because he knows he wouldn't have been able to say it out loud otherwise.
Harry gapes at him, looking at him like Niall's just pulled a rug out from under his feet – like out of all the things Harry had been thinking it was, this wasn't one of them. "Wh-what?"
"Nevermind," Niall mutters, taking a few steps away from. "Forget it, it's not – you should go."
"No – Niall, no," Harry says, leaping off the stool he's sitting on to reach for Niall, who shrugs him off. "You can't just tell me something like that and then run away."
"What more do you want me to say?"
"I already told you to just tell me the truth!"
"I already told you the truth!" Niall shouts, whirling around to face him.
"No, you've told me half of the truth," Harry says. "I want the full truth, Niall. I want to know how long it's been and why you never told me and why all of a sudden you can't even be in the same room as me. I want – I just need to know."
Niall is silent for a moment, staring at Harry, who's staring back at him expectantly – desperately, and then his mouth opens and it's like he couldn't stop the words from pouring out even if he tried. "I've been in love with you for years, Harry. Since – fuck, since we were kids. I didn't even know that's what it was until we were 16 and you were off pursuing Sean – and how was I supposed to say anything? How was I supposed to say anything when you were interested in someone else? Hell, how was I even supposed to tell you when you were heartbroken after he broke it off with you? Because what was I supposed to say? 'Hey, Harry, I know you're crying and you’re heartbroken right now but I’m kind of really in love with you' – that's shit, I couldn't do that. And how was I meant to tell you after that, huh? You never showed any signs of even being interested and I wasn't about to risk scaring you away and losing my best friend; it was just – it was safer to just pretend I didn't feel anything.
"And then we started Uni and I thought maybe things could change but then you met Nick – and Nick was fucking perfect for you and I hated that I couldn't hate him 'cause he made you happy and... It killed me, Harry, but I pushed it aside. And I was fine, I promise I was fine for the most part...
"But then Nick left you and – and I want to say everything came back but it's not true because nothing left, I'd just been ignoring it for so long that that's how it felt and everything was just there. But you were worse this time and you were hurting so much and...I haven't known what to do this whole time.
"And I was so close to telling you everything when we went out last month because you seemed kind of happy and I know it was mostly just the alcohol, but I couldn't stop thinking about telling you and then...you went home with that girl, Kendall."
Niall pauses, then, and takes a deep, shaky breath as he tries to settle his nerves and string his thoughts together.
"And that's why you've been avoiding me," Harry mutters, looking down at the floor.
Niall blinks, taken aback. "No, Harry. I mean, yeah, it hurt like fucking hell but you didn't exactly do anything wrong. I've been avoiding you because I couldn't...I just needed time. I needed space – to think, to sort myself out, to get over it-"
"And are you? Over it, I mean," Harry wonders, looking up at him with unreadable eyes.
Niall smirks sadly and shakes his head. "Unfortunately, I think it's gonna take more than just a month considering I've been in love you for almost my whole life," he murmurs. And he doesn't have to say it for the number 16 to hang awkwardly in the air between them.
"Niall-"
"Harry, I have to know," Niall starts, inadvertently cutting Harry off. "Wh-what'd you mean when you said you wished it was me that night?"
Harry blinks and swallows thickly as he takes a step towards Niall.
And then the door opens and Louis comes barreling into the flat loudly and forcefully as he drops his bag on the floor and kicks off his shoes. "Ah, lads!" he greets them cheerfully. "So I go to work, right, and I get there and my boss tells me we're over-staffed for the night so she sent me home. How awesome is that!"
Niall and Harry both stare at Louis as the latter walks into the kitchen and opens the fridge.
"Have you guys eaten? I feel like having Chinese food, wanna go down to that place around the corner with me?"
Niall looks at Harry who blinks and clears his throat before walking past Niall – and Louis – towards the door. "I can't, I have – I have to go," Harry mutters.
And then he's gone.
Louis looks at Niall questioningly and Niall looks back and Louis must see the tears threatening to spill over the edge because his eyes widen in realization. "Shit, Ni, did you tell him?"
Niall nods – and the next thing he knows, Louis' arms are around him and Niall's crying into Louis' shoulder because fuck, he's just ruined everything.
X
Niall doesn't see or hear from Harry for a whole week.
And then he does, because Harry texts him asking him to come over. Niall wants to say no – actually, he wants to say a little more than just no but he doesn't have the balls to. Instead he decided to let Harry stew and ignores the text for several minutes, knowing full well that Harry can see that he's read the message. And then Harry texts him again, a simple "please, Ni" and Niall just can't say no.
Be there in 10, Niall texts back.
Sure enough, he's standing in front of Harry's door 10 minutes later, pondering whether or not he should actually go through with this. And if he does, should he knock or just walk in like he always does? Is he even still on just-walking-in terms or should he knock just in case?
He decides to knock.
There's shuffling inside and then the door opens to reveal Harry standing there in black skinny jeans and a black T-shirt. His hair is kind of all-over, which isn't unusual, and he's grinning like a Cheshire Cat. "Hey! Almost 10 minutes exactly – impressive."
Niall smiles, softly, as Harry beckons him inside. All Niall can smell are fried eggs, sausages and, is that, banana bread? His brow furrows as he toes off his shoes and shrugs off his jacket. "Are you cooking breakfast at 5 o'clock at night?"
Harry says nothing, but he grins and then curls his fingers around Niall's wrist to lead him towards the kitchen.
Niall is stunned into silence and stumbles to a stop upon entering the kitchen because not only is Harry definitely cooking breakfast, there's kind of a bunch of candles lit all over the counters and on the island along with a small vase with a single red rose. It looks romantic and not at all what he'd expected. He glances at Harry looking confused and curious, to which Harry just grins before turning his attention to the oven to take out the banana bread.
"Wh-what is this?" Niall asks.
Harry smirks, setting the hot pan on the counter before he pulls off his oven mitt and places it on the counter. "It's a date," he says. "Isn't it obvious?"
Niall blinks, taken aback. "What?"
Harry takes a second to tend to the rest of the breakfast food before turning to face Niall. "Yeah, I was gonna take you out, but everything just seemed so...tacky, you know? Like, lame. And I know how much you like my fry-ups and how much you like breakfast for dinner, so I thought we could hang out here – especially since there's a Derby game on later and I stocked up on some beer, made banana bread 'cause I know you like that too and-"
"But why, Harry?" Niall asks, interrupting him. "If this is some kind of pity thing then I'm just gonna leave. I'm not – I don't need your pity."
"It's not, Niall – I promise it's not pity."
"Then why?" Niall presses – because he really doesn't understand what's going on.
"Look, I just... I just wanted to," Harry says. "Just let me-" He cuts himself off as he turns around to turn off all the elements on the stove. He turns back around to face Niall, who's waiting expectantly. "I'm sorry, Niall," he whispers, looking at the blond boy affectionately. "I'm sorry for everything I've put you through over the last 16 years. I'm sorry I never saw it and I'm sorry you felt like you couldn't tell me. I'm sorry you spent the last 16 years putting together all my broken pieces every time I got my heart broken, meanwhile your heart was breaking all the time."
Niall shakes his head, pushing his hands into his pockets awkwardly. "You don't – you don't have to apologize, Harry."
"But I want to, Ni," Harry insists, taking a few steps towards Niall who, luckily, stays where he is. "Just like I want to have this date with you and...and see what happens."
Niall closes his eyes. "Harry, don't" he sighs.
"Just-just hear me out for a minute," Harry pleads, reaching for Niall's hand – and when he captures it, just as Niall's turning away, he slips fingers into the slots between Niall’s.
Niall's breath catches in his throat as he feels Harry link their fingers together and his gaze snaps up to collide with Harry's.
"I can't...I can't tell you that I've been in love with you for years – or that I'm in love with you right now, even though we both know it won't take very long, will it?" It's a rhetoric question, which makes them both chuckle softly before Harry continues. "And I can't tell you where this is gonna go or how long it's going to last or how this is even going to work. But I can tell you that even if I wasn't in love with you, there was always a part of me that was interested in you, Niall. You intrigued me and you made me wonder, but I never made a move on you either because we were friends and I just...I thought that was it, you know? And I can tell you that even if we don't know where how this is going to end – and even if I'm scared shitless of losing my best friend if it doesn't work out – I want to try this with you. I want to be with you, Niall, because I can tell you that you've always made me happy and you've always been there and you've always meant the world to me and I just – I want to try, Ni. Please let me try."
Niall stares at the boy in front him for a moment; a boy who looks so determined and so desperate and so hopeful. And this is everything that Niall's ever wanted to hear from him in a weird sort of way. And no, this isn't exactly how he saw this night going – or of this going, really – but it's better. "Okay."
Harry grins. "Yeah?"
Niall smiles back, suddenly giddy. "Yeah."
"Great!" Harry exclaims. "Let me heat this up," he says, motioning to the food in the stove, "and then we can eat and, uh, carry on. Like a proper date, yeah?"
Niall sits on one of the stools at the island counter, watching Harry move around the kitchen with a practiced kind of ease before setting one plate in front of him and another in front of himself.
And, yeah, maybe the date is kind of perfect. And so is the one after that and the one after that...
End.