Chapter Text
“These pink outbursts of yours are getting out of control.”
“You gotta tell us what’s going on.”
“Don’t let this power control you. You’re better than this.”
“LEAVE ME ALONE!”
“I’m a fraud! I’m a monster!”
“Starlight, did you hear what I just said?” White Diamond demanded, causing Pink Diamond---no. She was not Pink Diamond. She was Rose Quartz, leader of the Crystal Gems, defenders of Earth. As it all came rushing back to her, she raised her head to stare at the towering diamond in horror.
“White,” she said shakily, unable to believe her eyes as she struggled to understand what had just happened. Why was she here? She shouldn’t be here. She should be on Earth with her friends and her loved ones. No, she should be dead. She should be…. Steven! Steven! Something had happened to her baby and it was all her fault.
“Starlight, what is the matter with you?” White inquired, a strange note in her voice that sounded almost like concern. "Why aren't you answering me?"
Terrified, confused, and devastated, Rose could do nothing but flee, running as fast as she could to her own palace. A loud whooshing noise rang in her ears and tears made everything blurry so Rose had no idea if anyone was calling out to her or following her as she ran.
After what seemed like eternity, she made it to her room and collapsed onto her knees, desperately trying to muffle her sobs, not wanting to deal with anyone even if they only wanted to comfort her. She didn't deserved any comfort not after what she had done. All the pain she had caused; all the lies she had told. Worst of all, her son, her baby, her Steven was hurting and it was all because of her.
The pink gem had seen everything he went through. Every single moment: both good and bad. His memories flashed through her mind like she was watching a movie. It was overwhelming, suffocating her as she observed Steven deal with every single consequence of her actions. How could she have let this happen to him? All she had ever wanted was for her son was for him to be able to grow and change like she never could. He could be human. She never wanted him to suffer for what she had done, to clean up her messes. And yet thanks to her lack of foresight that was exactly what happened.
Rose was torn between feeling pride that her son had changed so much for both the Crystal Gems and Homeworld and devastation at knowing how much trama he had suffered. Her boy had done everything he could to help both people and gems. But in the end, he couldn't help himself. Like mother, like son.
“Pink,” a gentle voice whispered as a hand laid on her shoulder.
Rose spun around, startled by the sudden presence. Her eyes widened when she realized who was standing in front of her. “Pearlie,” she breathed, reaching upwards to touch the non-cracked visage of her first pearl.
STOP IT! I CAN'T DEAL WITH ONE MORE HORRIBLE THING SHE DID, OKAY?! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT! I DON'T EVEN WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT! I JUST... WANT TO FIX IT!
Pink Pearl just stared at her diamond with a quizzical and concerned expression on her visage. She brought up her hand to brush away the fresh tears spilling down Rose’s cheeks, still not understanding why her diamond was crying, but doing her best to comfort her anyway.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Pearlie asked soothingly, studying Rose with inquisitive and concerned eyes.
“No. Or at least not yet,” Rose replied, her head swimming. She had somehow traveled back in time to eight thousand years ago. Unless she missed her guess, she had been sent back to a time just before she broke her pearl. That had been her turning point. It was when she realized just how bad she was and swore never to harm another gem ever again.
And yet that didn't stop me from continuing to hurt thousands of gems, Rose scoffed inwardly. She shook her head to ride herself of such self-deprecating thoughts. Focus on the here and now. She had been sent back to thousands of years before the rebellion, before her friends, before Earth, before Steven, before…. Pearl.
Oh goodness, she needed Pearl. They had been through a lot together. All Rose wanted to do was hug her, tell her how sorry she was for not being better, thank her for being a mom to Steven when she couldn’t be, and assure how about much she loved her. How proud she was of her. How she couldn’t do this without her. Granted, Pearl might not know what to do any more than Rose did. Nonetheless, at least they could face it together, perhaps figure out a solution to this impossible problem, this unthinkable situation they were somehow thrust into.
Only to get Pearl, she would have to lose Pearlie.
She glanced down at her first friend who was patiently waiting for her to compose herself. “Do you trust me?” Rose blurted out without thinking.
“Of course, I do,” Pearlie replied immediately without a trace of hesitation. There was no fear, only understanding.
You shouldn’t, Rose thought bitterly as she touched the side of Pink Pearl’s countenance, which thankfully had no cracks. She could feel tears forming in her eyes, a few managing to spill down her cheeks “I’m going to have to poof you for a little while. Afterwards, I will explain everything, I promise.”
“I know you will,” Pink Pearl said softly, putting her hand on Pink’s face, wiping away her tears with her thumb, still smiling.
Rose put her hands on Pink Pearl’s gem, wishing she had her sword as it could poof Pearlie without damaging her gem. Rose studied Pink Pearl’s countenance as she squeezed it, checking to see if any cracks appeared. If she was in any pain, Pink Pearl didn’t show it, she just continued smiling at Rose reassuringly. But then again, did she ever show when she was in pain when her diamond, her so-called friend, hurt her?
Rose applied a little more force as she squeezed the gem, her eyes never leaving Pink Pearl’s face. It took a little longer then Rose would have liked but eventually Pink Pearl retreated to her gem. She made sure to cry on and kiss Pearlie’s gem, hoping that her healing powers would wash away any trace of the pain she had undoubtedly caused her friend. She then bubbled the gem and asked her pebbles to create a hiding place where she could put Pearlie until she could bring her to safety. They did so without question.
Now all she had to do was go to the Reef and go…make Pearl.
The diamond----although she would always call herself Rose, she was still a diamond until she got to Earth----hesitated as she thought of the pros and cons about remaking Pearl.
On one hand, she hadn’t even been the one to actual go to the Reef to make Pearl in the first place, the other three diamonds had done that so she wasn’t actually sure if that would affect how Pearl come out. Secondly, Pearl hadn’t been fully free until Rose had disappeared and she had gone through a tremendous amount of pain and suffering to get there. To put her through that again would be just as cruel as if she decided to break Pearlie again.
On the other hand, she was being given a chance to fix her old mistakes and goodness knows how she had made a lot of mistakes in her relationship with Pearl. If she tried harder and was more open in their relationship maybe things would actually work out this time. Not to mention the idea of going through the rebellion without her renegade Pearl by her side was an unpleasant one as the rebellion was founded by Pearl as much as it was founded by Rose Quartz.
With that thought in mind, Rose became determined. She wasn’t sure exactly what happened but she was certain that if she had Pearl by her side, together they could overcome every problem that came their way.
Thankfully neither Blue nor Yellow had come to check on her the last time so Rose was confident she would not run into them when she made her way to the warp that would take her to the Reef.
Once she arrived at the Reef, she placed her hand on the hand pedestal, frowning as she looked around the place, remembering how many times she had been here playing dress up with Pearlie. It reminded her of how human children would decorate their dolls with accessories.
The one thing she did well with Pearl was she never spent time at the Reef finding cute little accessories for her. Granted, it had more to do with the painful memories the Reef brought her but she found it was a point of pride the first gift she ever gave Pearl were swords. (Pearl’s eyes lighting up and her immediate skill with the swords had been one of the first moments where Rose had realized that was more to this gem than met the eye).
“Welcome Pink Diamond,” Shell greeted her.
“I’m here for a new pearl,” Rose told the AI, struggling not correct it. Whether she liked it or not, right now she had to be Pink Diamond. On Earth she would shed Pink Diamond’s awful outfit, turn her gem around and be Rose Quartz. Until then, she would suffer through being Pink Diamond. It wouldn’t be the first time she had to put on an act but hopefully it would be the last time.
“Understood. Please follow the illuminated path to the Creation Center,” Shell instructed.
Rose nodded with a frown, recalling Steven’s memory of the Reef as she walked towards the Creation Center.
She hurt her pearls so badly they had never stopped hurting. One of them was her first friend and the other was one of her two great loves. How was she going to fix it? How was she going to make sure her pearls never got hurt again? In fact, how was she going to stop all of her friends from ever getting hurt again?
How many of them would be shattered? Would they get corrupted again? How many lives would she ruin all over again?
Rose wanted to run but she didn’t; she stood firm. Her son, her baby had suffered every consequence of her actions. She owed it to him to face those she hurt and actually be able to make things better for once in her miserable existence.
“Welcome Pink Diamond, please identify the owner of the new pearl,” directed Shell.
“Pearl,” Rose replied. Shell had accepted “Um, Greg Universe” so maybe she would accept Pearl as her own owner.
“Error. Unacceptable response. Please identify the owner of the new pearl.”
“Herself,” Rose tried again, unwilling to give up. She knew she might be fighting a losing battle but she had to try. Pearl deserved freedom, and while it was amazing that she had fought to be free, her independence should have been hers to begin with, not something she earned. Pearl belonged to no one but herself.
“Error. Unacceptable response. Please identify the owner of the new pearl,” Shell repeated in the same matter of fact tone that just enraged Rose.
“No one!” Rose exclaimed, growing frustrated.
“Error. Un....one moment, Pink Diamond, we have a Pearl whose owner is designated as No One,” Shell announced much to Rose’s astonishment. Hope surged through her like lighting. Could it be? Was it possible?
Seconds later a shell appeared, with the gem of a pearl emerging and then a familiar Pearl materialized.
Rose’s eyes lit up as she realized that not only was Pearl wearing the jacket she wore the last time Steven saw her but also instead of doing the pearl song, she looked around, bewildered before her gaze landed on the diamond, gasping before she said one word that gave her no end of joy.
“Rose,” Pearl whispered, her hands involuntarily going to her mouth, her eyes becoming watery.
“My Pearl,” Rose murmured, tears in her own eyes. She was so happy to see her lover, especially knowing she wouldn’t have to go through two thousand years of coaxing her out of her shell and that she would not have to stop existing for Pearl to be free.
It was going to be okay.
They embraced and just cried together, barely even to able coherently convey how much they missed each other let alone be able to talk about what had happened to them. Just when they were able to stop blubbering, they heard Shell greeting Yellow Diamond and Blue Diamond, informing them where Pink was.
Rose quickly stood in front of Pearl, allowing her to shapeshift into an “appropriate” Pearl outfit before the two diamonds could see her.
“Pink, there you are. We’ve been worried sick about you,” Blue said, looking quite relived to see her. She stretched her hand out and Rose involuntarily flinched, taking a step back. Blue’s expression turned from relief to hurt and concern. However, before she could say anything Yellow spoke up:
“What were you thinking running off like that?” Yellow Diamond demanded, frowning in disapproval. “You caused a ruckus and then you just disappeared, leaving Blue to worry.”
“I broke my pearl,” Rose admitted softly, almost pleased when tears started running down her cheeks as it helped sell the lie she was about to tell. “I couldn’t heal her so I thought I’d save you the trouble and make a new one.”
“You broke your Pearl! I told you those tantrums of yours were getting out of hand!” Yellow admonished her, pressing her hand to her forehead, shaking her head in exasperation. “Where are her shards? Perhaps we can get some use for her if we harvest them.”
“You can’t!” Rose shouted, unable to keep the horror out of her voice as she looked up at the startled faces of the diamonds. She quickly returned her gaze to the floor and lowered her voice. “I mean you can’t. I told the pebbles to get rid of her shards, I couldn’t bear to look at what I had done to her.”
“Oh Pink, she’s just a pearl. You don’t need to waste your tears on her when you can just make a new one,” Blue assured her in a soothing voice.
Rose gritted her teeth and her hands clenched into fists. “She was my friend,” she hissed. She almost wanted to slap away Blue’s hand as the elder diamond put it under her chin, but she felt Pearl gently lay a hand on the small of her back, allowing her to calm herself before she did or said something she regretted.
“Don’t worry, Pink, we’ll get you another little playmate,” Blue promised as she gave Rose a comforting smile.
The best Rose could offer at that moment was a pained grimace. She hated how condescending Blue was. She knew deep down, the elder diamond meant well. But all her infantilizing remind Rose of her own shortcomings. How immature and careless she had been. It didn't help that they were more concerned about her, throwing a fit than the fact that she had shattered her first pearl.
“Hopefully you won’t break this one,” Yellow grumbled.
“Yellow,” Blue warned, shooting her fellow diamond a stern look before turning back towards Rose. “Pink, I promise you will love your new playmate just as much as your pearl. Now would you like to introduce us to your new pearl?”
Keeping her eye averted and making the diamond signal with her hands, Pearl stepped out from behind Rose. “My diamonds,” she greeted them, making a deep curtsy.
“Hmm, she has a forehead gem,” Yellow observed, her brow knitting in confusion. "I would have thought you'd want her gem to match yours."
“Uh, yes, I thought White would prefer I had a more sensible Pearl and forehead gems are known to be more sensible,” Rose lied quickly. “And I know that White always did think I needed a more sensible Pearl to keep me out of trouble.”
From her vantage point, she could see the corners of Pearl’s mouth quivering as she tried not to smirk at that comment.
“I’m sure White would be pleased at your thoughtfulness,” Blue Diamond praised, beaming at her. Yellow shrugged as if it didn’t matter to her either way. “Are you sure you don’t want to customize her though, Pink? She’s rather plain looking.”
“No, I love her the way she is. I think she looks beautiful in her outfit,” Rose gushed, glancing at Pearl in hopes she’d understand Rose’s hidden compliment: judging from the blue on her cheeks, she had.
“Well we should return to Homeworld,” Yellow decided. “There is a rumor going around that you ran away, and we don’t want White hearing about that.”
Rose nodded, waiting until Yellow and Blue had turned around before, shooting Pearl an apologetic look as she silently pointed behind her, reminding her that for the time being Pearl would have to walk behind her instead of alongside her.
Pearl nodded in understanding, giving her a half smile before they followed the two diamonds back to Homeworld where they would have a very long talk about what happened and more importantly what they were going to do now.
But for now, they would play the part of diamond and pearl, eagerly awaiting the day when they could be the traitorous rebel Rose Quartz and her second-command the terrifying renegade Pearl.
Thankfully Rose was allowed to return to her palace instead of having to go see White, something Rose was grateful for as she was uncertain how she would react to seeing the gem who loved playing mind games and had ripped out Steven’s gem. While Yellow returned to her palace, citing that she had work to catch up on, Blue had gone to White, assuring the youngest diamond that she would explain her hasty exit and apologize on her behalf.
After what she did to Steven, she's lucky I left without shattering her. Stars, there was a part of her which wanted to tear out White Diamond’s gem and shatter her for all the pain she caused. That diamond wasn’t worthy to look at Steven let alone touch him.
She shook her head, clearing it of such rageful thoughts. White had been changing for the better in Steven’s future and she would be doing him a disservice if she didn’t at least try to help the diamonds see the error of their ways.
However, she wasn’t Steven. She didn’t have his compassion or endless patience. More importantly, she wasn’t the human son of the diamond they had thought was long dead. She would have to find a different way to get through to all three diamonds.
“Where is she?” Pearl asked, breaking Rose from her brooding.
“Who?” Rose inquired, her brow furrowing in confusion.
“Volly—I mean Pink Pearl,” Pearl replied, her gaze sweeping the room. “I can keep her safe until we get to Earth.”
Rose went over to where she had hidden Pink Pearl, making sure not to pop the bubble and gave it to Pearl who put her in her gem.
“Pearl, do you know what happened to us? Why we have come back to the past? I have Steven’s memories but nothing in them that would suggest why we were sent back,” Rose said. Pearl’s brow furrowed as she tried to recall the events leading up to their situation. Then her eyes widened and her hands flew to her mouth. “What it is it? What happened?”
“There was this blue flash. Amethyst and Garnet were standing with me. I think Bismuth was outside the house. Lapis and Peridot might have been with her. Rose, I don’t think we’re the only ones who came back,” Pearl explained, her voice shaking with horror.
Rose swallowed, realizing why Pearl was so worried. While Amethyst was a bit of a moot point for the moment considering she hadn’t even been created as was Peridot, Garnet, Bismuth and Lapis would already be somewhere on Homeworld or on one of the Homeworld controlled planets.
What if they tried to get to Earth and were captured or worse shattered?
No. They would find each other. Rose was certain of that she would find them or they would find her.
“It’s going to be okay, Pearl. We just have to be patient. We’ll figure something out,” Rose vowed more to herself than Pearl.
Rose couldn’t help but think that coming back wasn’t just a chance for her to undo the mistakes she made. After all the one good thing she had done was give her gem to Steven and she had even managed to mess that up by leaving every gem she had messed up for Steven to fix.
Once she had been certain that dying would make everything better. That everyone would be better off without her and while certain events had supported that view, she realized that even if everything went perfectly this time around, giving up her gem, even for Steven, was not an option. She had eight thousand years to figure out how to get her baby, her Steven, without losing herself. This time she would not fail her friends or Earth. This time she would do it right and when she had Steven, he would grow up without any of the trauma he had gone through.
One hour ago
“All right troops, we have a new assignment,” Ruby 1OC began, only to interrupted by what sounded like a strangled sob. She looked down the row of rubies to figure out where it came from. She noticed one of the rubies had a gold headband. She blinked. When she inspected the rubies a few minutes ago, she didn’t remember seeing one with a gold headband. “You there. State your name!”
“Ruby 3SG,” Ruby replied miserably. “I must have been dreaming.”
The commander ruby frowned, wondering what dreaming was. “Well don’t. We have a very important mission coming up,” she told her sharply before turning back to her notes.
She spun around when she heard a happy squeal. The ruby she had just scolded was now staring at a metal band on her hand with an overjoyed expression on her face: “It was real!” she exclaimed.
“What is the matter with you, solider?! Is your gem cracked!” the commander demanded, wondering if the ruby was defective and would have to shattered.
The ruby paid her no mind and instead broke out into a run, leaving her squadron to stare dumbfounded.
It took a few minutes for the commander to break out of her stupor. She ordered two of the rubies to go find her and bring her back so she could be punished immediately. She could only imagine Yellow Diamond’s reaction if she learned that one of her ruby commanders could not control the rubies in her squad.
Unfortunately, they were unable to recover the strange acting ruby thanks to an even more bizarre incident causing chaos, leaving many gems to label this day as the day Homeworld went mad. Others would call it the Awakening.