Chapter Text
Today was the day. I need to get off my ass and do some serious work to be who I was meant to be. The devastating accident that broke my body and ripped apart my soul was 365 days ago. It was time to move on and take hold of my life again. My doctor gave me the name of a specialist who may be able to help me. I didn’t need more help. What I need is a miracle if I want to get my life back.
Picking up my phone, I take a deep breath and dial. “Hello, NHS Highlands, this is Jamie Fraser, how may I help ye today.” Silence was all that he heard on my end. “Hello, is anyone there?” I think he was about to hang up when he hears me say, “I’m here.” He responds, “Well, nice to hear yer voice lass, how can I help ye?”
I steeled my resolve and said, “I want to set an appointment for a consult.” He sweetly replied, “It would be my pleasure to schedule a consult, can ye tell me yer name and what we can help ye with?” Oh God, I need to tell him my story or maybe I can just say what is wrong with me. A tear slips down my cheek and I debate hanging up the phone. He finally says, “Maybe it would be easier if we just set an appointment and we can send you some forms to fill out and discuss further when you come in.” I breathe a sigh of relief and say, “That sounds great.”
“Wonderful, let me get ye over to our receptionist. I just picked up the phone because she was indisposed.”
It was a relief to talk to someone who just wants my simple details. I gave the receptionist my info and schedule an appointment for the following week. Normally I would need to wait longer but someone had just canceled so luck was finally on my side.
I woke the morning of my appointment from a nightmare that plagues my very existence. The crash, smoke, screams, a small bloody hand, were the last images I see before the gripping darkness takes over. My heart races. I panic as I feel the smoke in my lungs, my eyes burning, and feeling as helpless as I did that fateful day and every day since. I wasn’t sure that anyone could help me. Did I deserve a happy life when so many died? So many innocent lives lost and I couldn't do anything to save them.
Feeling overwhelmed, I want to just stay in bed. Be damn the consult and my stupid, meaningless life. Just as I shut my eyes I feel a huge weight on my chest and a big, wet tongue licking my face. Giggling I scream, “Jasper, yuck, your breath stinks.” My best friend and the only reason I still exist yells, “Claire ye best get out of that bed if ye know what’s good for ye. I’ve got a bucket of cold water if ye want a repeat of the last time I had to get yer sorrowful ass to the doctor.”
“Fuck Geillis, my alarm hasn’t even gone off. Feeling around my wrist, I not, "I have 30 more minutes to wallow in my bed.” Covering my ears, I will my mind to quiet as I decide my next move. Before I have the chance to finish my thought, I feel a strong grip on my foot drag me off the bed. I think that scrawny red-haired witch is going to get it.
Geillis roars, “Claire, I know that look, ye are not going to talk yerself out of this appointment. This is it babe, yer shot to get back to some kinda normal. Ye deserve it no matter what that pretty little head is telling ye right now. Plus, I’m sick of being yer nursemaid.”
I growl at her and got off the floor and head to the bathroom. As I squeeze toothpaste on my toothbrush I yell, “If you’re my nursemaid you sure as hell haven’t been doing your job right. You bloody Scot!” I remove my clothes and shuffle into the shower and grab my cap, thinking, there is no fucking way I’m taming this mop today. I'll ask my “nursemaid” to brush it out for me.
As the water flows down my body, I think of calmer waters. I used to love the serenity of the water, especially at sunrise. I miss the soothing colors of nature, the freedom to run and swim as far as I can.
I dress and slowly walk to the kitchen, happy that Geillis has set out my favorite yogurt with granola. The smell of coffee gave me a reason to live at the moment. I quickly realize there was no cup. “Geil, where is my coffee?” Geillis leans close to my ear, “Oh, ye want yer coffee? Maybe ye have something to say first.” I know I should apologize for being a brat, “Oh Geil, I’m sorry. You know I love you and” laughing, I say, “you’re the best nursemaid a girl could ask for.”
I feel an arm go around my neck and a strong kiss on my temple. “Ye best not forget it, Beauchamp! If ye ken what’s good for ye” I happily take the blessed coffee and a tentative sip so I don’t burn my tongue and have Geil call me an idiot or what was it, a bampot again. “Mmmm” I start to think, maybe it will end up being a good day.
Geillis helps me into the medical suite of offices and she takes a seat while I check in. I hear clicking and make my way to the seats and ask if there is anything interesting. “No, I’m just reading the Daily Record and about how the world is coming close to an end in America. Would that really be a bad thing?” I hit Geillis’ arm and gave her the harshest glare I can muster. “Ow, Beauchamp ye wee besom. Ye would do well to treat me better.” I rub her arm and sink my head on her shoulder, “Geil, of the two of us, I’m not the one with loose morals.” Geillis laughs.
Time seems to stand still as I note each second that passes. It feels like time is going backwards. I start to feel a bit dizzy with my heart pounding loudly in my ears. I hear the ruffle of newspapers and magazine pages. Someone slurps a drink. “Geil, could you get me some water?” Geillis grabs my hand and says, “Breathe love, I have a good feeling about this.” As Geillis hands me the water, a woman calls out “Miss Beauchamp”. Sensing I wouldn't answer, Geillis says, “over here.” Geillis pulls me to stand and propels me to move with her. “Here we go Beauchamp. Dinna fash. Ye can do this. I’m here with ye.” Grabbing her arm, I suck in a breath and say, “let’s get this over with.”
As we settle in the examination room, the nurse takes my pulse and blood pressure. She says, “My name is Glenna Fitzgibbons, but ye can call me Mrs. Fitz, and there is no need to be nervous. Today ye will be seeing Mr. Raymond, our chief and Mr. Fraser, who is doing his clinical training. They will take good care of ye.” “Thank you Mrs. Fitz. I’m always nervous so this is nothing new.” On her way out, Mrs. Fitz says, “Dinna fash, these two gentlemen are very kind.”
As the door shuts, my hands begin to shake. Geillis sits down next to me on the table and takes my hands in hers and says, ”Claire, when we’re done with this appointment we’ll head out and walk through the gardens. Things are blooming and smelling so nice right now.” I smile, “Thanks Geil. I don’t know what I'd do without you.”
Hearing a knock on the door, my spine goes rigid. Geillis says, “come in” and I hear two people step inside. An older gentleman says, “Hello, my dears, I’m Mr. Raymond and this is Mr. Fraser.” Geillis shakes their hands and introduces us both. Geillis pushes my elbow to extend my hand which Mr. Fraser warmly embraces, “Nice, to meet ye. Now, Miss Beauchamp do ye mind if we get better acquainted?”
I’m struck by the deep timbre of his voice. I breathe deeply and smell fresh pine and maybe hay. My senses are heightened and I have an odd feeling in my heart or maybe my brain playing tricks on me because I was about to faint. After a very long pause, I gather up my courage and whisper, “I guess that would be for the best.”