Chapter Text
October 11, 2009
My best friend abandoned me and left for greener pastures the same day my fucking dad died. I can’t blame her really, her parents dragged her away from here… away from me. It’s not like she actually had a choice in the matter, and she did leave me a farewell cassette tape that makes me wanna sob like a damn baby anytime I smash the play button. That was exactly one year ago today, and I can’t help but wonder what she’s doing right now. Probably taking pictures and observing shit instead of interacting with actual people, I’d imagine. She’s likely shutting the world out, which unfortunately includes the best friend she left behind.
Part of me is furious that she’s gone and won’t return my texts or calls, but I know her like I know myself, maybe better. Max loved Dad so damn much and spent a ton of time over at our place. He was a father to her too, and when you couple that with being forced to leave everything she’s ever known for an unfamiliar place, she definitely shut down to avoid the pain. We once shared a special connection that I suspect is still there. If only she’d stop running, we could slow down and walk together for a while; even if it has to be long distance.
Sometimes, I imagine wrapping my arms around her bony body and telling her how much I love her dorky face and adorable freckles. We spent so much time together that when she left, it felt like a piece of my heart went with her. Now, all I wanna do is hear my best friend’s nerdy voice again, and not through some dumbass recording. Even a fucking text would be better than nothing.
I wonder if Max even knows it’s been nearly 365 days since she and Dad both walked out of my life leaving me in this shit town full of worn out hick faces and broken promises. I told myself I wouldn’t text her again, but I’m feeling pretty alone right now. I know she’s lonely too, and I could comfort her if she’d only let me in. We could be each other’s blanket of security and shoulder to cry on... if only… yeah, I have to try one more time. At least then I can convince myself she might find a tiny sliver of encouragement even if she doesn’t respond. Maybe she’ll see my text messages and smile. Damn, I love it when that girl smiles. Okay, here goes nuthin’...
Chloe: 10:13am - Hi Max
Chloe: 10:15am - I just wanted to say I miss ya, Dork!
Chloe: 10:15am - Also, I hope you’re okay.
I don’t know why I thought she would respond. Maybe I always knew she wouldn’t, but I’ve never given up hope. Her ignoring me pisses me off, but if seeing my messages brings even a tiny bit of joy to her...
Max: 10:17am - Chloe?
Holy fuck! She responded! I blink rapidly to clear the misty blur from my eyes so I can see the hazy phone screen again. For a moment, I’m convinced my mind is playing tricks on me. After wiping my face with the corner of the bedsheet, clarity returns and, as clear as day, I see the message sitting there beckoning me to respond. This is all I’ve wanted for the past year, and it’s actually happening. Fuck, what do I say next? Maybe...
Chloe: 10:19am - Maximus! How’s Seattle?
Max: 10:22am - I miss you too, Chloe. So damn much.
Max: 10:22am - I’m sorry for everything!
Chloe: 10:23am - Don't be.
Chloe: 10:25am - Max?
Fuuuuck! She’s gone again! I slam my phone on the bed near my pillows and stomp towards the bathroom. I wash my face and hands and spend several minutes just staring at my reflection wondering why everyone I care about leaves. Dammit, she has to know how much she means to me. I hate feeling so desperate but, shit, it’s Max. She’s my best friend.
I scoop my phone up and get back under the covers, then I send another message.
Chloe: 10:36am - Please don’t disappear again! I need you.
Max: 10:37am - Sorry, had to help Mom with groceries.
Max: 10:38am - Can we talk? I’d love to hear your voice.
A tiny whisper in my head urges me to type “FUCK YOU” and let her know how much I’m hurting and how the last year has been a hellish nightmare. But dammit, this is Max! THE Max... MY Max. The truth is, she could ghost me for five damn years and I’d forgive her instantly. The power of best friendship might be the strongest force in the entire world. My life has been dipped in shit since she left, but I miss and care so much about her.
As I begin my response, my heart thumps so loudly I think the neighbors might hear it. My mouth goes dry and a bead of sweat forms on my forehead. Did Mom turn the heat up? It was suddenly hot as balls in my room. I kick off the covers, stand up, and sit at my desk. Immediately, I stand back on my feet and walk back and forth from my closet to the bedroom door, then back again towards the bed. Why is this so hard? She’s one of the best things that’s ever happened to me, and all I have to do is send a message or push the call button. Simple, right?
Finally, I work up the courage to answer.
Chloe: 10:41am - I'd like that a lot.
Max: 10:42am - ring ring :-)
No sooner than I read Max’s last message, my phone begins chirping. Just answer, you idiot! The moisture on my fingers can only be attributed to my nervousness. My hands vibrate and shake like I’m about to give a speech in front of thousands of people. I’ve longed for this for what feels like an eternity, and now I’m pacing back and forth looking at my phone screen like a doe staring into headlights. I was always the captain of the ship and she was my first mate, but right now, I feel more like an unworthy peasant and she… she’s like the queen.
I push the button and only listen for a few seconds before saying a word. I can hear her breathe in my ear and can almost feel her warmth from hundreds of miles away. A couple of inhales and exhales later, I find myself frozen with anticipation. Is she listening to my breath too? Am I breathing too loudly? Can she hear my heart nearly crashing through my chest? A hundred thoughts bounce around in my head, rendering my motor skills useless.
“C-Chloe, are you there?” Max asks breaking the anxious silence that encapsulated the beginning of our conversation. Goddamn, her voice is so lovely. No, “lovely” isn’t nearly strong enough a word to describe how she sounds to me. Maybe a better description would be stunning, beautiful, breathtaking, sensational, incredible, fantastic, wondrous or… fucking amazeballs!
It comes to my attention that Max’s focus is finally back on me. I am in her spotlight again, and it feels spectacular. A sense of tranquility and safety pulsates from my heart and a wave of confidence shoots through my entire body like a bullet from a gun. “I’m here, Dork.”
She giggles through the phone and releases a deep airy breath, which informs me she, too, is feeling relieved that the awkward silence is broken. I realize now how much I missed the sound of her laughter and it fills my heart to the brim.
“Chloe… I’m… I’m so s-sorry that…”
Before she can finish her thought, I interrupt her. It’s painfully obvious what she wants to say, and I don’t need to hear it. No doubt she feels horrible for leaving me and not staying in contact, but the truth is… I forgave her before she even left.
“I know, Max. I’m just glad to hear your voice.” I’m proud of myself for sounding grounded and even keel.
“I… I’m not very good with wording things the right way in the moment, but I s-sorta did a thing.”
In my head, I’m panicking. What does “a thing” mean, and why does this matter right now? We just reconnected and she’s bringing up some new ambiguous idea? I want to be upset that she could ruin the moment I’ve dreamt of for so long, but I figure I’d see what she’s talking about before I react.
“A thing?” I question. It’s the only response I can muster where I can hold my emotions in check, and I can keep up the façade of being completely under control.
“Yeah,” Max responds. “I’ve been taking guitar lessons, and I’m not very good yet… but d-do you wanna hear the first song I wrote? I only know a few chords, so it’s super basic, but I wrote it for you. So… will you listen?”
My breath hitches and I pull the phone away from my ear. What type of question is that? Of course I want to hear it! I mean, what the fuck? We haven’t spoken in twelve months, and she wonders if I want to hear a song she wrote for me? That’s my Max; she actually believes there’s a chance I’ll say “no”. One day, she’ll grow out of her insecurities, and she’ll take over the goddamn world.
I yearn to tell her she’s fucking wonderful and amazing, but the only thing that comes from my lips is, “You’re a goop, Caulfield.”
“Please don’t l-laugh. I’ve missed you, Chloe, and this is my way of sorta figuring things out.” Why is she like this?! HOW is she like this?! I haven’t heard from her in such a long time, and I should still be furious, but all I can do is picture both of us hugging, laughing, swinging, and playing pirates in the backyard. Nothing but the two of us matters in this moment. Every other thought and concern bleeds away into the recesses of my mind. It’s just Max and me, and it’s everything I want and need.
“I would never laugh at you… well, maybe a little. But not with this, dude. Come on! Let’s hear it!”
“Okay, here goes. I call it… Sunny Days .”
I select the speakerphone option and lay down on my bed. I set the phone on my chest and close my eyes, imagining what my favorite person looks like while she strums her guitar.
Thinking back to when we fled
A reeling thought, comfort shed
Friendship lost, oh what a sight
Darkness falls to squeeze the light
I never said my two cents
A fog has just rolled in
Confusion sets, disrespected
Confessed my heart to my reflection
The problem is worse than that
I lost my friend, I want her back
Nothing left makes much sense
Two pirate girls climb over a fence
Muddy water, mind erasing
Running from the ghosts we were chasing
The darkness then is known
A beam of light has finally shown
Deep within I can’t forget
Two from one, then we split.
Holy guacamole! Her voice is magical and her words are fucking beautiful. She hasn’t even gotten to the chorus yet and I’m bawling. I reach up and push the mute button so I can hear her and there’s no chance she’ll be able hear me blubbering. I’m supposed to be the strong one, but the flood gates have been released and there’s no way to block the oncoming deluge. How long is a typical song anyway? Three or four minutes? I know I need to pull myself together before it ends, no way in hell I'm gonna let her know I'm weeping. She’ll never let me live it down!
Max’s song comes to a brief instrumental point between the first and second verses, then she continues.
It’s like I’m someone else
I fuel the flame and want to yell
Ain’t no peace since we moved
Lit a fire and caught a groove
Now I know she is my life
I found what was not inside
Inside, inside my heart resides
I tucked it in because of pride
Be the best or fall behind
Although I wish I could just rewind
Sometimes I miss those days
We had so much time to waste
Night has left but grey remains
Yes, I miss those sunny days
Lost at sea now I’ve returned
Rebuilding bridges I have burned
Suddenly, the music stops and I can hear her father in the background. I’m not sure what he’s saying, but it’s clear he needs her help with something. It dawns on me that she will have to leave soon and my heart sinks.
“Chloe,” Max starts, “I have to go. I’m sorry. Can I call you later tonight?”
“Uhm, you better. No fucking way you’re gonna not sing the rest of that song to me. Max, fuck! That was beautiful!”
“I can’t believe I worked up the courage to do that. Th-Thanks for texting today. It’s so good to hear your voice.”
“You better fucking call, Max. I mean it. If I have to wait another year to hear from you again, I will hunt you down and... and... well, I’ll tickle you to death or some shit.”
She giggles then I hear her dad’s muffled voice again in the background. This time, his words sound sterner, though I still can’t make out what he’s saying.
“Okay, I’ll call soon. Promise.”
“You seriously better, Maxter!”
“I will. Bye, Chloe.”
“Bye, Max.”
There’s a brief lull and neither of us hang up immediately.
“Hey, Chloe?”
“Yeah, Max?”
“Never mind.”
“No, what? Please tell me.”
“I just... just... I miss you. I was h-hoping to see you soon... you know, in person. My grades haven’t been the best, but I promised my parents I could do better. They said if I got an A on my next exam, I could do something fun. Well, I pulled it off and I want to spend time with you... more than anything I’ve ever w-wanted before in my life. Is that o-okay?”
I know she hears me sniffle now but for some reason I don’t even care. I woke up this morning angry at the world and without my first mate by my side. An hour later, she not only responded, but I’ll get to see her soon. Captain Bluebeard and Long Max Silver will set sail again! The mixture of joy and excitement is nearly overwhelming. My heart is racing, my hands are sweating, and my eyes won’t stop leaking. “Dude, that’s better than okay. I can’t wait.”
“Chat soon.”
The call is ended as quickly as it began, and I’m left alone once again. I feel empty but also fulfilled. It’s hard to define. On one hand, Max Caulfield just called me and we had a blast reconnecting. We’re gonna talk more and hopefully see each other soon. On the other hand, I’m left here to sit and... just wait. I have nowhere to be today since it’s Saturday and Mom is working a double at the diner. I get up and eat a bowl of cereal, then return to my room. Turning on the tv, I intend to lay around all day getting lost in some stupid shows I know are probably rotting my brain.
Time passes and, right before the sun begins to set, my phone finally rings again. Without even looking, I know it’s Max on the other end of the call. We chat for hours catching up on the last year of each other’s lives. We joke, we laugh, we even cry while reminiscing about Dad. I weep pretty hard, but I think Max cries even harder. She never allowed herself to grieve throughout the past year, and our conversation sends her to a place of regret and mourning. But like her song says, a beam of light shows her the way and helps push through to the other side of the darkness. I like to think that light is me, but I know it’s not. Well, it is… but not just me. The beacon that vanishes the dark could only be the two of us together. We’re Max and Chloe, and when we’re together, we’re unstoppable!
We both fall asleep with our phones on our ears. The last thing I remember, I was enjoying the ambient sounds of Max’s breath, and I was imagining her cute freckled complexion lying still with a look of contentment radiating outward.
I notice the sun beginning to poke through the curtain so I decide to wake my best friend. “Psst, Max? Still there?” Of course she is; I can hear her, and I treasure every enchanting inhale and exhale.
“Chloe?”
“Yeah, we fell asleep on the phone together like we used to do when we were kids. How are you feeling?”
An adorable yawn comes from Max’s side of the call, and for some reason I find it hilarious. I giggle harder than I think I have in months. There’s nothing particularly funny about the delightful sounds Max makes in the morning; I think I’m just thrilled to wake up beside her again. Well, not really beside her but close enough for now. I forgot how amazing it feels to be around the girl. Fuck, I missed her so much.
“Good morning. I slept well, I guess. I think there’s an imprint of a phone on my face though.” We share a laugh then pick up right where we left off just chatting away. Time equally seems to slow to a crawl and fly by, and I don’t want this moment to end. The only thing that could make it better would be seeing her in person. I won’t have to wait long for that, though. Last night, her dad agreed to let her spend next weekend in Arcadia Bay with me. She’s coming on Friday evening so we’ll get two full days and two full nights together. Since we didn’t have a chance last night, Max promises she’ll finish her song for me when we’re together.
She informs me she has to go again, and it secretly breaks my heart. I’ll be fine, I just want her to stay with me, but I understand I have to be patient.
“So, you’ll call me later, yeah?”
“I wouldn’t have it any other way, Chloe.”
“Hey, Max?”
“Mhmm?”
“l love you.” It just slips out. Shit. Have I ever told her that before? What if it scares her off again. Dammit, Chloe. Why? You just got her back! “ I mean, is that okay to say?”
“Oh, Chloe. You know I love you, too. Of course it’s okay, silly. You’re my best friend.”
She seems more assertive than the day before. All of her anxious energy is gone, and her confidence is heightened. Most people don’t get the chance to see this side of her, but there’s something special about... us. Even though we didn’t talk for a year, things feel different now, like a more mature friendship, I guess. I have never loved someone as much as I love Max. I wonder, do most best friends feel the same way?
We hang up and I already miss her. Will next week just please hurry the fuck by so I can see her?
We talk multiple times a day throughout the week, but it still doesn’t feel like enough. Despite my pleas, she stands firm on waiting until the weekend to make good on her promise of finishing the song. The first half was perfect, and I can’t wait to hear the remaining portion. Although, truth be known, I don’t really need to hear it, I just need to see her. I don’t think I’ve ever obsessed about anything like this before in my life. It is Max, though. She means the world to me, and in a few days my dreams will come true.
October 16, 2009
Finally, Friday evening is here and Ryan and Max will pull into the driveway at any moment. My senses are on high alert and have been this way for several hours in anticipation of seeing the girl I’ve miss so much. Max wanted to play a game of not talking on the phone this morning, so I idiotically agreed and am now super fucking nervous to see her. It’s almost like that weird thing people do the night before their wedding; not talking to or seeing each other before walking down the aisle. Well, maybe it’s not the exact same, but it feels the way I would imagine.
Holy shitballs, it’s them! I hear the car pull into the driveway and start planning my strategy. I’m not certain if I’ll react with a smile, laugh, cry, fart, or do something else even worse when I see her for the first time. I crack the door to my upstairs bedroom and listen for Mom to let them in. When I hear the front door swing open, Mom calls up to me to help gather Max’s bags and say hello to Ryan.
I tiptoe out of my room and peek down the stairs. Max is releasing her arms from around Mom’s neck and I hear her voice saying thank you. It isn’t coming from a cell phone speaker this time, she’s actually a few meters from where I’m standing. My heart is racing and I can’t seem to catch a proper breath. Mom calls up again, this time with more bass in her voice, and I edge forward a bit, then hesitate again. I can already feel myself forcing back the threatening tears. I take a deep breath and remind myself what it feels like to have Max’s arms around me. It feels like a strange thought, but I’m sure all best friends feel this way.
The first top step creeks as I shift my weight while moving in our guests’ direction. It signals my arrival and I watch as all heads turn towards me. As mine and Max’s eyes meet, I feel my breathing catch, and I audibly release a heartfelt coo. She’s really here! After all this time, Max Caulfield is in my house again. She looks gorgeous and a little more grown up with her bangs covering a portion of her forehead, but it really is her.
I decide to play it as coolly as possible, and I march down and grab Max’s second bag. I say hi to her dad and tell her to follow me. We ascend to the upstairs area and I open my bedroom door to allow her entry just ahead of myself. Once we’re both inside, I shut the door behind us and lay the bags at the foot of the bed. As I’m turning back around to face the inside of the room, I feel two palms, one on either side of my face, pull my head forward and a pair of soft lips press directly against mine.
It was as unexpected as things could go and I freak then pivot backwards. I take another swift step but trip and fall towards the floor. The positioning of Max’s hands are set up perfectly for the gravity of my tumble to force her down as well, directly on top of me. We land in a pile of knees, elbows, hair, and lots of laughter. We poke and tickle each other for a long damn time. Nothing else exists besides the two of us.
We eventually gather ourselves and help each other up, sitting on the side of the bed gazing into each other’s eyes. She’s so beautiful and she… wait, she kissed me? That’s definitely something we’ve never done before and I’m not sure how I feel about it. Do all best friends kiss?
“Did we just... kiss?” I ask, knowing the answer before she can respond.
“I h-haven’t seen you in so long, Chloe. I don’t know what came over me. I saw your adorable face and just... just... went for it, I guess. D-Did you not like it?”
I’m not sure what to say. I mean, she’s Max... my Max. Suddenly, I get protective of the girl. I recall her lips gliding against mine just moments prior, and I don’t want to imagine her sharing that feeling with anyone other than me. The tickle pile was fun, and I loved every second of it, but I think I want her mouth on mine again. Is that weird? “Max... I did like it. It was just surprising.” A new thought shoots through my head and I begin to regret freaking out. That was our first kiss and it ended in a mess.
Our faces are mere inches apart and I notice myself glancing more at her lips than into her eyes. Fuck! My mouth feels dry again and I know I’m working up a sweaty lather. The immense heat hits me like a bag of bricks. I realize what I’m about to do and I think she realizes it too because I notice her head tilt and a slight smile materialize on her face. I close my eyes and inch forward. The warm air coming from her nostrils sends a pleasurable shiver through my entire body. Our lips graze and I feel her hand reach up and touch my cheek, pulling me in a little closer. The embrace is much deeper this time, and we shift our bodies to a spot where we are completely touching, sorta like a hug, only... different. I can taste her on my tongue, and I never imagined how much I would love it.
We linger in the moment for what seems like a lifetime. All that matters is right in front of me and the world ceases to exist. Finally, we pull apart and I can’t help but reach up and trace the freckles on her face with my finger. I treasure every single spot and want nothing else but to live in this moment forever. Max smiles then stands and walks towards the bedroom door.
“Where are you going?” I ask, wanting her to stay with me. Where could she possibly need to go after what just happened?
“Well, I left my guitar in the car... I owe you a song.”