Chapter Text
Sebastian is getting ready for their date night. Their dates are never really fancy. It's all pizza and beer. So a simple t-shirt and black jeans would do.though he spends more than usual time on his hair. It has to look good! After all, he hasn't seen chris in quite a long time. He hears chris knocking on the door, checks his hair in the mirror for one last time and goes to open the door and...
There he is. Chris evans with all his beauty. Board shoulders, long legs. Dark blond hair and oh, beard?! This is the first time sebastian is seeing his boyfriend with a beard. He thinks chris looks like a politician.
Only after chris smiles and says "You're under dressed. I told you I'm taking you somewhere nice." He notices chris is wearing a suit and a tie. "S s s sorry! I thought we were... never mind. I go change."
"Seb, alright?"
"Yeah... you look very handsome."
Chris smiled. "You too. In fact, don't change. Let me see you for a second."
And suddenly, sebastian was feeling Chris's hand touching his cheek, Chris's eyes travelling all over his face, admiring his beauty. Sebastian couldn't take it anymore. He could remember it. Oh god how hard he tried to forget. To not want it.
being an 80s kid, his biggest regret was not seeing all the cool 60s and 70s rock bands live. Sure some of them were still performing, but velvet underground wasn't. So he had to settle with just listening to the songs. And that's how it happend. 13 year old sebastian, listening to lou reed singing about kneeling and boot kissing and whips, oh my. At first he couldn't quite understand what that little tingle in his cock was. He just palmed it so maybe it would go away. It felt... good. So he did it again, and again, and again. Picturing himself in front of a man, A hand on his cheek, Twe eyes on his face. "Down on your bended knees" the song was saying. So he did.
So, there he is. Did chris always looked like the man in his dream, or was he fantasizing about him 15 years before they met? There is no answer, nothing he can do, other than looking extremely distant and making chris worry.
"Seb, sweetheart, are you alright? You look far gone baby."
"I... I'm... it's... sorry."
The bedroom door closes with a loud sound, leaving twe lovers at the opposite sides.
Sebastian sits on the floor, leaning against the door, thinking about his 13 year old self. He was pathetic, who gets off on lowering themselves to that level? His 13 year old self was so fucking stupid. Kneeling at someone's feet? Looking at them like they are god worthy of being worshipped? Pathetic, stupid and oh, such a pervert. He can't let chris, his pure chris, see this dark side of him. Chris is the best thing he's got in life. Past couple of monthes, since dating chris, has been so peaceful. He can't lose that to some perverted dream he's been having for years. Sure, he can still secretly enjoy chris taking charge in the bedroom. But never those things. No showing chris how much he needs to be at his feet. He will freak out. He will know he's a pervert. No. No. No. He will not lose his chris to this. No.
"Sweetheart, can i come in? Please. I can hear you crying baby please."
Crying? When did that happen? He tries to stop the tears. But it's useless. Chris's worried voice still calling for him. "I'm coming in honey."
Oh shit.
Sebastian gets up. The door opens and a second latter he is wrapped in Chris's arms. Not crying for this pathetic dream in front of chris? Well, that's not working! Chris holds him until his not sobbing anymore.
"Honey, I'm not saying right now, but eventually you gotta tell me what's wrong. Please tell me. Have i done something?"
"No. God chris no. It's not you. I just remembered an unpleasant memory."
"Right after seeing me?" He's tone is playful, trying to lighten the mood.
"I swear it's nothing to do with you." He takes Chris's hand to kiss it. He has done this before. But this time instead of bringing his hand to his lips, he lowers his own body to meet Chris's hand. Way to go stan. The plan is not letting chris know what you carve. Way to go.
He lookes chris in his big blue worried eyes. This man does worth being worshipped. He does. But he is not like that. He doesn't want someone kissing his feet. He wants an equal partner. Chris is not a pervert. But lord, what if he was? The thought makes him lagh. Good, great. Crying and now laughing. Chris is really gonna run away from him.
"Look, I'm fine. This is not important. Don't worry. I just remembered something. I can't tell you what. Not now. Maybe never. But trust me. I'm fine. Let's go on our date."
After thay come back home, chris strips him and spends solid twe hours kissing and touching every inch of his body.this is his way of saying "you are loved. I love you. Trust me. Trust me. Trust me." Sebastian knows that. But there are lots of things he doesn't know. Yet.