Chapter Text
Donghyuck walks aimlessly through the busy city. After everything that has happened over the last week you would think that he’d be sad (miserable is probably a better word) but truthfully, he had never felt so numb before. He reflects over the words the people he cares most about have said to him, and rather than feeling betrayed that these people he holds so dear to his heart think this way about him, he has to face the sad truth that he had always known but tried to ignore it.
The day started off like any other. It was the final Friday before Christmas break, and Mark and he were walking to school together. The two had been friends since they were in diapers and most people would describe their relationship as thick as thieves.
Mark knows everything there is to know about Donghyuck. He knows his like, his pet-peeves, his gpa, his weight, everything. He is the only person besides Donghyuck’s own brother, who is aware of Donghyuck’s abysmal home-life. He knows about how his father is a raging alcoholic who takes out his anger on his son, and that his mother is an apathetic workaholic who has been cheating on her husband for 3 years. Donghyuck’s brother, Doyoung, took his first opportunity to get out of that house leaving everything behind, including Donghyuck. He left Donghyuck in this toxic household where he is beaten more often then fed, without a single moment of doubt.
Mark, like anyone, was horrified when he realized the true extent of Donghyuck’s troubles and often is the person who Donghyuck calls for comfort after his father has had a particularly violent night. That is until Mark begins dating Jaemin.
Don't get Donghyuck wrong. He likes Jaemin. But, he can't help but dislike the relationship Mark and Jaemin share. For starters, Jaemin is not particularly fond of Donghyuck. When Jaemin first joined their friend group he seemed to mesh in really well. He and Jeno bonded over biking, he and Renjun bonded over shared music taste, and he and Mark… well… bonded over quickies in the bathroom in between classes. But, Jaemin never made an effort to get to know Donghyuck. Sometimes it felt like he was actively trying to keep Donghyuck out of their group conversations as a whole. Now some (Renjun) would suggest that Jaemin does in fact like Donghyuck, and Donghyuck is just insecure and overreacting. Of course that would be the best case scenario. But, unfortunately later this day Donghyuck would have the displeasure of hearing Jaemin talk to Yukhei and his other jock friends about how Donghyuck was so weird and obsessed with Mark and that he wished Donghyuck wouldn't be around anymore.
It would be great if Jaemin was just a jealous person and was seeing things that weren't there, but the saddest part was that he's right. Donghyuck has been in love with Mark for as long as he can remember. It's only natural to fall for the one person who is always there for you when you are most in need. But Mark was out of Donghyuck’s league. Mark, who was smart, attractive, friendly, funny, charismatic, among other things, deserves someone better than Donghyuck. Someone who's pretty, charming, funny… Someone who is Na Jaemin.
Although, Mark has not been that person as of late. Mark was constantly canceling their plans or blowing Donghyuck off to hang out with Jaemin. So, now when Donghyucks dad came home with the intent of putting his cigarette out on Donghyuck’s back, he had to comfort himself. He had to clean his own wounds. And Donghyuck doesn't blame Mark, he really doesn't. But that doesn't mean he doesn't miss him, which he decides to bring up on this morning.
“So what did you do last night?” Donghyuck asks Mark who is typing on his phone attentively.
“Umm Jaemin and I saw a movie with Renjun and Jeno” He answers not sparing Donghyuck a glance.
“Oh” this isn't the first time his friends have all hung out without inviting him, but it hurts as much as the first.
Mark finally clues in and notices Donghyuck disappointment, and reprises the role as comforting best friend for a quick second.
“Oh we missed you though. We only didn't invite you because it was a romantic movie and sort of like a double date sort of thing. Im sorry. Plus I didnt think your parents would let you out” that's true. But, it still would've been a nice gesture to reassure Donghyuck that he was still thought of. Donghyuck was used to being forgotten. It had been happening more often ever since Jeno and Renjun also started dating.
“It's fine” Donghyuck grumbles. This seems to be enough for Mark who goes back to typing on his phone.
“I had a bad night” Donghyuck mumbles.
“Oh… yeah?” Mark doesn’t look up from his phone.
“Yeah. My mom hasnt been home in four days, so my dad is taking it out on me”
“Hmmm” Still typing.
“Yeah… I called you. He burned me with a cigarette again and it was hard to treat by myself, because it was on my back”
“Mhmm” Donghyuck stops walking. Frustrated by how apathetic Mark is being. Mark notices Donghyuck’s abrupt stop and looks at him with an eyebrow raised.
“What's wrong?” He asks, seeming more annoyed than concerned.
“Did you hear a word I said?” Mark sputters in reply.
“Seriously, Mark. I'm talking about something serious and you can’t even bother to look up from your phone” Donghyuck feels tears well up in his eyes, but refuses to let them fall. He's never stopped himself from crying in front of Mark before, but rather than apologetic or remorseful… Mark looks mad.
“Donghyuck. I can't coddle you everytime something goes wrong. I have a life. I'm sorry you don't. But, you need to grow up. I have a boyfriend. Who seems convinced were closer than he's comfortable with. But here I am walking to school with you. You should be grateful, instead of snapping at the one person in your life who gives a damn about you. Because, god… you are a lot to deal with, and i'm not going to apologize for having better things to deal with then your shitty life” Halfway through Marks rant Donghyuck lets the tears fall. And he continues to stand there silently crying as Mark finishes before promptly turning around and heading to school leaving Donghyuck behind.
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“Hey Hyuck” Renjun doesnt look up from his book as Donghyuck takes the seat beside him in his final class before lunch. He skipped the first period in favour of sitting in an empty janitors closet crying, but if he skipped anymore his parents would be informed and the last thing he needed was punishment from them.
“Hi” he says silently. Not sure if Mark told anyone about their fight this morning before assuming he probably didn't because it probably wasn't noteworthy enough to him. To Mark it wasn't anything.
The class goes on and the two boys don't share any more words as they quietly take notes and listen to the teacher.
Once the bell rings the wordlessly packs up their stuff and exits the room.
“Rejun?” Donghyuck asks. The elder looks as if prompting the other to ask whatever he needs to ask.
“Umm Mark and I sort of had a fight this morning. And I don't think I can face him. So do you want to eat together in the library?” Renjun freezes before he looks at Donghyuck sheepishly.
“Yeah… I know about your… fight. Mark told the group chat -”
Oh. A group chat that had all Donghyuck’s friends, but did not have Donghyuck. He can't say he's surprised. He is surprised that Mark told it though.
“-And I already promised I'd eat with them so sorry. But it's probably a good idea that you don't come, because Mark is still… upset” Renjun avoids eye contact with Donghyuck as they approach the cafeteria.
“Oh… okay. I guess I'll just eat alone” They pause outside of the cafeteria entrance together.
“Come on, Hyuck. You must have friends besides us” Renjun tries to reassure Hyuck.
“No, Renjun. I really don't” Donghyuck says, far sharper than he intended clearly from Renjuns taken aback face that then becomes sour.
“Okay well maybe you should take this opportunity to make some. Because honestly Donghyuck you can keep clinging to us like a child. It's getting sort of annoying, and I don't want to have to ditch my boyfriend and friends every time your feelings get hurt because of something that's not that big of a deal. So yeah eat alone. Maybe get used to it, because it's not that far fetched that whatever friends you do make will end up leaving you too ” Renjun then enters the cafeteria slamming the door behind him.
Renjun’s right. Donghyuck is a horrible friend. He is the common denominator. He's the one who drove his friends away. Not the other way around. But the one thing Renjun was wrong about was that Donghyuck has to get used to eating alone. He's very used to that.
Donghyuck goes to the library to eat. This time there's no tears.
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Donghyuck gets to his final period class, gym, early and before the rest of his class. He always does so he can change without worrying about anyone seeing the bruises and scars littered around his body.
He had just finished english literature. A class he shared with Jeno. When he arrived at the class Jeno wasn't at his normal seat where he usually sits beside Hyuck but instead on the other side of the room surrounded by people who talk animatedly with him. Jeno didn't even spare Donghyuck a glance as he sat at his desk the seat next to him not taken by him or anyone else. No one made a move to sit with the boy, even the person whose seat was stolen by Jeno opted to sit in the far back corner rather than beside Donghyuck.
Now he was alone in the locker room, but not feeling any more or less isolated from his peers. After he finishes changing he just sits and relaxes dreading the class to come which would likely not be very friendly to his achy body. When he heard voices enter the room.
The first voice he recognizes is that of Wong Yukhei. His boisterous laugh fills the room as soon as the doors enter. The second voice is Jaemin. There's a few other people with them, but none of which Donghyuck knows by name.
“Dude i noticed that the little weirdo who usually sits at your table wasn't there today. What happened? Did the little fucker finally blow his brains out?” one of the jocks Donghyuck is not very familiar with says and is met by laughter. Donghyuck sucks in a breath. Knowing they're talking about him and dreading they don't realize he's present. They settled on the other side of the room from him closer to the door that leads to the gym meaning they probably won't pass enough rows of the lockers to see the small boy sitting on the floor hugging his knees to his chest.
“Oh yeah… Mark finally dumped the kid. He was so annoying. But Mark had been friends with him for years. I didn't think I'd ever get rid of the kid. But Mark and the rest finally realized what a fucking weirdo he is” The rest of the guys laugh loudly at Jaemins rant.
“I mean it though. Maybe I could look past it if it wasn't for the fact he's so obviously into Mark. And not even like a crush. LIke the guy is full blown in love obsessed with the guy. And i've told Mark this but he'd always brush it off. He wouldn't even deny it. And finally today he admits that he knew the whole time, and apologized for not dealing with it sooner” Donghyuck feels his heart shatter in his chest as the realization that Mark knows hits, along with the fact that he has officially lost all of his friends. For the second time today he feels the tears well up in his eyes.
After this their conversation topic changes to something else, and Donghyuck lets his head fall down to his knees, willing for the group to leave the room. And for the first time that day he gets what he wants.
“I'll meet you guys out there. I have to use the washroom quickly” one of the unfamiliar voices sounds out. Donghyuck freezes in order to get to the locker room washrooms the guy will have to walk past the row of lockers Donghyuck’s hiding in.
Before Donghyuck even gets the chance to think of how to hide, the guy spots him. Donghyuck recognizes his face, but cannot place a name to it. Donghyuck sniffles and prepares for more ridicule but this time to his face, but when met with silence he looks up to meet the man's eyes. He looks sympathetic. He just frowns before walking to the washroom. Ignoring Donghyuck’s existence, just like his friends.
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Once Donghyuck returns home he's pleased to see that his father is not home (probably at a bar) and less shockingly his mother also isn't home.
Donghyuck goes up to his room before pulling out his laptop to work on his essay for english lit. But, he cannot focus. Somehow he ends up writing a letter.
He does not directly address it to anyone but halfway through writing it Donghyuck knows who it's about. Donghyuck walks up to his window to look across the street to see if the recipient is home. And surprisingly, Mark is home, his window is open so Donghyuck can see into his room. Unsurprisingly, he's with Jaemin, the two were dancing around the elders room and laughing together. It was cute. Normally this scene would make Donghyuck feel bitter or envious. But he feels nothing.
Donghyuck then goes back to his desk and finishes the rest of his letters before printing them out and sealing them in envelopes.
Dear Mark,
Dear Mom,
Dear Dad,
Dear Renjun,
Dear Jeno,
And Dear Doyoung.
The last was the only person Donghyuck had not spoken to in a while, so in one final desperate attempt to find out if there was anyone at all who cared about Donghyuck he calls his older brother for the first time since the younger's birthday.
It rings for a moment before a voice answers. It doesn't sound like Doyoung.
“Hello?”
“Umm… Hi, is Doyoung there?”
“Who's asking?” the voice asks,
“Donghyuck. Doyoungs brother” Donghyuck hears a gasp come from the line.
“Uh I'm sorry. I didn't know Doyoung had a brother. I'll get him… DOYOUNG” Donghyuck can hear the person on the phone yell out. After that he just hears murmuring.
“Oh… he's… actually not… home right now. I can relay your message or have him call you later” How dumb does this guy think Donghyuck is? He heard him call into the apartment, or wherever they are.
“No… forget it. Tell him that mail came to the house for him. It has no addresses or anything on it just ‘Dear Doyoung’ so it must have been hand delivered. Tell him I'll leave it under the welcome mat so our parents don't touch it” Donghyuck does not waste anymore time before hanging up the phone and grabbing his letters and his backpack and leaving the house.
By this point it was dark out as it was approaching 11 at night. Donghyuck slid Doyoungs letter under the welcome mat like he said he would and left his parents' letters in the mailbox. Donghyuck then heads across the street. And instead of leaving Mark's letter in the mailbox. He climbs up their tree like he has many times and slides the letter into Mark's open window, so he can take one final glance at someone who was once the most important person in his life and his reason for living.
After that Donghyuck heads to Jenos home which is a few blocks towards downtown and leaves the letter in his home's mailbox, and then to Renjuns apartment that was in the main part of the city. Leaving it in Renjuns apartment mailbox and smiling at the doorman before exiting. No particular destination in mind.
And that's how he got here. Walking aimlessly through the city feeling numb, but also at peace, because while he doesnt know where he's heading he knows what he's about to do, and it's the first thing that brings him peace in a long time.
Donghyuck soon finds himself at a bridge overlooking a large freeway. He drops his bag to the floor and looks out. He would like to jump off a bridge into water but there were not tall enough bridges above water around that would guarantee death, so he'd have to settle for this less pretty way.
After looking at the oncoming traffic for a while Donghyuck finally feels ready. He lifts one leg and swings it over the railing quite easily (a little too easily for a pedestrian bridge of this height above an overpass) and the other legs follow. He stands on the edge and patiently waits for an opening. He wanted to die, not kill/hurt anyone so he'd have to wait until a break in the cars. He wishes he has another note on his person apologizing to anyone who has to experience his corpse. But, there's no delaying this. Donghyuck can't bear to live another day.
Finally, after 20 minutes of waiting on the edge there's a break in cars long enough the Donghyuck can be confident he won't hurt anyone, so he preps. He says a final prayer. Before letting go.
The moment Donghyuck lets go a pair of arms wrap around his chest pulling the boy back over the railing demonstrating serious strength. Once Donghyuck realizes what's happening he begins screaming and writhing to get the stranger to let him go before breaking down.
The stranger tugs him away from the ledge and off the bridge before hugging the sobbing boy and petting his head whispering smooth affirmations in his ear.
“You're going to be okay”
The pair sit there for a while before Donghyuck finally calms down. Or at least to look at the person holding him.
He had no recognition of the stranger, but his first thought is that this man is extremely handsome, and looks wildly concerned. They sit there looking into each other's eyes. The stranger still hasn't let go of Donghyuck.
“How are you?” Donghyuck chokes out.
“I’m Jaehyun” The man- Jaehyun answers.
“Why'd you stop me?” it's probably pretty obvious but Donghyuck still cant help but ask. Jaehyuns arms around the trembling boy tighten.
“I couldn't let you jump. What kind of person would I be if I let you jump?” Jaehyun's eyes are wide. Donghyuck scoffs.
“You're not a much better person for making me live” Jaehyun looks confused.
“I get it. I get why you did it, but don't try to convince me it's not self-serving. If you had let me die, then you'd have to spend the rest of your life guilty for letting someone die, but since you saved me you get to be proud of yourself for saving someone's life and I have to go back to suffering. What you didn't wasn't for me. It was for you. So don't try to pretend that was you saving me” Donghyuck scoffs again at Jaehyun silence and goes to shrug his arms off of him, but Jaehyun doesn't budge.
“You're right,” Jaehyun speaks.
“What?” Hyuck questions.
“Whether I pulled you off that bridge or not. I didn’t help you. Just because you didn't die doesn't mean you don't want to anymore. All I've done is delay it” Donghyuck just nods. He was not expecting this.
“So, the only way I can really help you is to change your mind”
“What?” Donghyuck asks again. This time more incredulously.
“Come on man. What do you lose? Let me show you life is worth living” Donghyuck just gapes at this crazy man.
“What if you're like some weirdo serial killer?”
“Would that really be that much of a problem for you?” He chuckles.
“Okay… what if you're some sort of pervert that takes suicidal teens off the streets and takes them to some kind of-”
“Okay, I'm definitely not one of those. I promise you're the first suicidal teen I've made this offer too… scouts honor” He finally removes his arms from around Donghyuck’s waist to instead cross his heart.
“What exactly is your offer? What does proving ‘life is worth living’ entail?” Jaehyun grins. Clearly taking the fact that Donghyuck hasn't outrightly refused as partial acceptance.
“Well. My roommate went back to China for the holidays so I have an empty room and no company for the holidays. I assume you're in school but have the next two weeks off” Donghyuck nods slowly.
“Well then let's have christmas together. We can have fun and I can prove to you that things can always become good after the bad” At this point Jaehyun is grinning widely showing off his attractive dimples.
“I've never really celebrated christmas” Donghyuck blushes (Both out of embarrassment of his horrible family not celebrating birthdays let alone christmas but also because Jaehyun is so hot). Honestly, christmas isn't a huge thing in Korea so it's not that uncommon for families to not celebrate here, but it is more popular than in other eastern asian countries like Japan or China. Mark's family always celebrated christmas. They would have Donghyuck come over on Christmas eve. Donghyuck wouldn't spend Christmas with them because he didn't want to intrude. Especially without gifts.
“I lived in america for like four years. Trust me I can give you the best Christmas ever. Please, please, please” Jaehyun had moved to be on his knees pleading while holding one of Donghyuck’s hands.
“Just know… i'm only saying yes because your hot” Donghyuck deadpans. But blushing when Jaehyun smiles and hugs him.
“Okay would you rather stay at your home and come over during the day, or stay at my place… OR! OR! Oh oh. Or you could rotate because some nights it could be like a sleepover. We could watch movies all night and pig out” Donghyuck smiled tenderly unused to someone seeming this excited to be around Donghyuck, but the joy in him sours at the mention of his home. Jaehyun notices that his excitement disappears and is replaced by concern.
“You don't have to spend any nights at my place if you don't want to. You can just stay at your home. Or we could even hang out there if you're more comfortable” Jaehyun tries to meet Donghyuck’s eyes to find out what he said wrong.
“I don't want to go home… Ever…” Donghyuck mumbles, still not meeting Jaehyun's eyes whose eyes soften at hearing the young boy's words.
“Okay… if you're comfortable you can spend the next two weeks with me. After that… we can figure out when we get there. But, I do think you should tell your parents because you don't want people thinking I napped you or anything” Jaehyun rubs his back.
“Im eighteen so…” Jaehyun smiles brightly at this.
(I know it doesn't make sense for Donghyuck to be 18 in December of his senior year but for the sake of this and also the relationship not being weird and gross, he's 18. This also means Mark+Yukhei are the same age. Okay cool thanks)
“Perfect. Well let's head over to my place… sorry you still havent told me your name?” Jaehyun stands up holding his hand to help Donghyuck up, smiling down at the boy nicely.
“Im Do- Haechan. Call me Haechan” Haechan was a nickname Doyoung gave the younger when things in their household were not so toxic. Back then Donghyuck used to be bright and lively, so many compared him to the sun. Donghyuck didn't want to spend the next two weeks as Donghyuck the loner weirdo who only hangs around Mark, he wanted to be a better, more happy version of himself. He wanted to be Haechan.
“Okay, Haechan. Let's go home”