Chapter Text
“You.” a familiar yet cold and wavering voice harshly spoke out.
Gerard Keay sat at the desk of his acquaintance, Gertrude Robinson who had just returned from a trip to Sannikov Land with her assistant, Michael Shelley, who wasn’t with her anymore.
“I wasn’t expecting a warm welcome back but this is quite harsh” Gertrude commented, not entirely sure why Gerard was here and seemingly so upset.
“You know what you did.” Gerard retorted. He was clearly quite pissed about whatever he was getting at but Gertrude didn’t know why.
“What? Do you mean Michael? Gerard, you knew it was going to happen at some point or another.” Gertrude figured that was as good a reason as any for him to be bothered but she knew that he must’ve known that Michael was always going to be sacrificed.
“Yes, I mean Michael. You couldn’t have even told me you were going to sacrifice him?” Gerard knew about her assistants. He knew deep inside that the same was going to happen to Michael but he wanted him to last longer than that. He hadn’t even lasted for two years with her. The thought made Gerard’s blood boil inside him.
“Gerard, you knew all along that he was always just bait. You didn’t let yourself get attached, did you?” Gertrude went on, knowing Gerard must've let his feelings in somewhere they knew they didn’t belong.
“No, of course not, it’s just... It’s just that he was so young. He was twenty years old, Gertrude. He had his whole life ahead of him and you just threw him into the spiral like it was nothing and he had no idea what was going on.” Gerard knew deep inside that Gertrude didn’t care. He understood the situation perfectly clearly but that didn’t keep it from pissing him off.
“We both know this was the best choice. Unless you’d rather let The Great Twisting ravage the planet, this was the only option.” Gertrude tried talking some sense into Gerard, knowing it was hopeless. She knew he didn’t want to listen but it was just the truth of the matter.
“Still though. It’s just that…” Gerard trailed off. He was clearly deeply frustrated about something but didn’t want to let the words escape his lips.
“It’s just that what?” Gertrude asked before pausing, allowing Gerard to make his point.
“You know how I felt towards him, Gertrude.” Gerard’s voice grew quiet with embarrassment and shame.
He was ashamed of his feelings for the first guy who’s been genuinely nice to him but he can’t help it. Before he left for his trip with Gertrude, they had even become close. They certainly weren’t in any sort of relationship but they both felt comfortable around one another. They had even hung out on several occasions, usually at a cafe or park, and just talked for hours about their lives, or at least the aspects they felt comfortable sharing. At some point, Gerard even let him know about his mother and vaguely mentioned some of the horrible things she’s done, although he didn’t want to talk too in depth about that.
“Oh, so that’s what this is about?” Gertrude tried understanding, realizing this whole scene was over a crush.
“Well, I mean, somewhat but everything else still stands. It’s not fair that you just threw him away like nothing” Gerard tried defending himself.
“It’s perfectly normal for a boy your age to have feelings but this is bigger than your emotions, Gerard. You understand that, don’t you?” Gertrude tried rationalizing with him, half knowing he had already made up his mind but hoping he would think more rationally.
“I’m twenty four years old, Gertrude, don’t talk to me like I’m a kid. I’m going for a smoke. I might come back in a few.”
Gerard left the room, making his way down the halls, digging a pack of cigarettes from his coat pocket. As he walked behind the building, he kicked a bench out of frustration before taking a deep breath to calm himself down. He proceeded to pull out a single cigarette and lit it as it hung from his mouth.
As he takes a deep inhale from the cigarette, his senses come back to him some. He was still upset but less angry. The feeling just settled inside of him and he felt more numb to the pain. Gerard couldn’t help but reflect on his feelings.
He wouldn’t go as far as to say that he had a crush on Michael but he just felt comfortable in his presence. He wasn’t sure if it was because of Gerard’s lack of affection throughout his life or because Michael’s soft demeanor was comforting to him but he felt something around him that he’s never felt with other people before, although he just couldn’t find the right name for that feeling. Gerard figured it was probably a mix of those, combined with their chemistry as people.
He continued thinking about their relationship and feelings over his cigarette for several minutes before he noticed something that hadn’t been there before. There was a yellow wooden door with a black handle that he was certain wasn’t there a few minutes ago. The door was just standing on it’s own out behind the institute, not attached to any walls or anything.
Gerard wasn’t sure how he knew this but he just knew with every fiber of his being that he had to destroy that door. He tried kicking it down but the door was too sturdy for him to take down on his one. The institute dumpster was nearby and Gerard looked through it, searching for anything that could break a wooden door.
Most of what he found was extremely unhelpful. The dumpster was filled with trash bags of various papers and food wrappers. Gerard eventually found a stapler and tried throwing that full force at the door. The stapler was ineffective but that didn’t stop him from trying several more times to no avail. After searching through several more bags, he noticed one that was particularly heavy. His eyes widened as he opened a bag revealing an axe in the midst of the normal trash.
Gerard took the axe and striked it against the door. The door was left with a dent in it before Gerard repeated the action. Now there was a small hole in the door. Gerard tried not to look directly into it but he noticed tons of flashing colors coming from the other side of the door. He swung once more towards the door with all of his might.
Gerard felt wood breaking through the axe but before he could look at the hole he created, something pushed him backwards, knocking him over. He looked up to see what toppled him over, fully ready to fight back, when he noticed it was a humanoid figure. Just looking at it made his eyes hurt, it was a tall, mostly yellow and monstrous thing with several eyes and mouths with enough bright colors to make a pride parade feel underdressed. It seemed to cry but Gerard couldn’t tell if that was accurate. It made its way off of Gerard and was kneeled on the ground with its head in it’s long and intricate hands. He noticed that it seemed to glitch every so often and occasionally flash an image of a normal person. That’s when Gerard realized exactly what was going on.
“Michael? Is that you? Michael!” Gerard called out, hoping so deeply that he wasn’t jumping to the wrong conclusions.
The figure turned to face Gerard. It resembled Michael but had such a pained expression that it made Gerard’s heart sink. It glitched again to reveal the face of his old friend Michael. Gerard felt awful seeing him in so much pain yet he was so relieved to see Michael alive.
“I… Gerry? Is that- I don’t know. I want to think it’s me but I don’t even know.” Michael was clearly under a lot of distress. Gerard really wasn’t sure what to do so he reached his hand to what seemed like one of Michael’s shoulders in an attempt to comfort him. It was cold and made his hand feel slightly numb but Michael seemed to appreciate it.
“Are you alright? Can I do… anything for you? I can stay here if you want, maybe we can catch up if you want to share.” Gerard wanted to help but he had no idea how. He figured the least he could do is to stay with him until he felt better.
“I’m good now. Now that I’m finally out of that, at least. I could feel it twisting me into this thing. I don’t know what would’ve happened if I was in there any longer. How did you know to break the door anyway?” Michael was grateful to be out of the spiral but he was curious as to how Gerard knew to break it and not go through.
“I don’t really know. I just knew I had to do it for whatever reason so I did. I’m glad I did though, I never thought I’d get to see you again.” Gerard motioned towards the bench he kicked earlier. “Would you rather sit over there? It’s probably more comfortable than the cement.” They moved and continued their conversation.
“So how come you brought the door here?” Gerard asked, unsure if Michael was trying to lure him into the spiral.
“Oh, it’s dumb. I just didn’t really know what to do so I just brought it here, hoping you could do something. I didn’t really know what you could do but it worked out, I guess.” Michael paused for a moment, debating whether or not he should share what he was about to say. “I don’t really have any friends or boyfriend and my family sort of disowned me so… you were just the first person I thought to consider.”
“I’m sorry I took so long to break it then. It must’ve been infuriating to watch me throw a stapler for ten minutes.” Gerard laughed for a second thinking about how dumb that must’ve looked.
“No, no it wasn’t, don’t worry! It was very sweet and meant a lot to me. Besides, I was just hopeful for it to work.” Michael tried reassuring Gerard while also giggling to himself for a moment.
“So if you don’t mind me asking, how’s the new body? It looks like adjusting would be complicated but you seem to be managing it just fine” Gerard tried making any conversation that didn’t seem too heavy to talk about.
“It’s weird. Some aspects are like second nature but others are just an annoyance.” Michael began.
“Yeah?” Gerard stared up at him, prompting him to continue.
“Yeah, I just started sprouting eyes, which was weird but fine. It didn’t change too much actually. The mouths were weird too but it’s still whatever territory. I sometimes forget where exactly they are which makes things difficult but it’s fine.” Michael felt like he was rambling too much but Gerard was watching attentively. “The worst of it is the hands. They’re way too big and they’re sharp on the ends which sucks with the new eyes.”
“At least your lower half is still normal.” Gerard added, hoping that brought any sort of reassurance.
“For the most part, yeah. Maybe it wouldn’t if I was there longer but I’m out now. I’m pretty sure my legs are longer but I can’t really tell. Can’t imagine what sort of shoes I’d need if my feet were as bad as my hands though.”
The two joked for a little bit about Michael’s feet and the clown shoes he would’ve needed. They were just joking but they both knew how likely that could’ve been if he was in the spiral for much longer. They both knew how much worse things could’ve been if he wasn’t saved when he was. One thing that they were both grateful for, however, is that Michael still seemed to be the same person inside that he was before he left. Neither of them were sure if that’s because he wasn’t in the spiral too long or because Gerard busted the door but they were both happy he was still a person beneath his spirallic appearance.
“Gerard, are you-” Gertrude opened the back door to check on Gerard and froze in her tracks when she saw who was with him. “Holy shit. How did you-”
Michael sat there, just as stunned as Gertrude was. He wasn’t so much confused about the situation as he was in shock, not knowing what to do next. He felt so angry seeing her but he knew he didn’t want to mess with her. He no longer viewed her as an innocent old lady who sometimes needed help reaching things on higher shelves. He was afraid of how nonchalantly she sent him into an eye straining hell.
“So, Gertrude, you remember Michael.” Gerry knew he had to be the one to break the silence but this was one of the more awkward things he’s done in his life.
“Yes, I remember. I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.” Gertude said in a cold tone.
“Yeah, crazy how things happen, you know?” Michael sheepishly attempted to wave but his large hands startled Gertude. Michael was raged just seeing her but his fear kept him quiet.
“So, how did you come back?” Gertrude asked, still as harsh as before.
“Um… well… it’s a long story really…” Michael wasn’t sure if he was willing to rat Gerard out like that. Gerard didn’t deserve for someone like her to be pissed at him
“I did it. He summoned a door back here and I destroyed it. Michael just came tumbling out of it. But before you get mad, he’s not as spooky and shit as he looks. Look how he glitches, and he’s still Michael inside so he’s not gonna turn the institute into a spiral hellscape or anything.” Gerard butted in.
Gerard tried his best to make Michael seem as non threatening as possible. Gertrude could tell it was him but was incredibly cautious of him being spiral affiliated. She wasn’t sure if he could be considered an avatar if he really is the same inside but he was definitely marked, which was enough for her to stay on her toes.
“Gerard, can I speak to you inside?” Gertrude said this in a stern voice but had a sickening smile on her face.
“Yeah, sure.” Gerard answered as they both went inside and talked just inside the door.
Michael couldn’t make out what they were saying but he was very afraid. He waited patiently on the bench just waiting for several minutes. Michael almost felt like they forgot about him on a few occasions but he could hear occasional shouts from within the door. Michael was certain that they were fighting on whether or not they were going to kill him. He began to wonder how they could kill him and how mortal he was but was interrupted by the door opening again.
“So most avatars can change into a human form at will. Can you?” Gertrude asked, not quite as harsh as she was before but not calm either.
Michael had never really considered the thought but he tried it. He focused his energy and willpower into making himself look normal. His eyes all merged so that there were only two, his hands shrunk and the rest of him came together enough like a regular tall person. It felt slightly uncomfortable but definitely manageable.
“Great, so that being done, we have a proposition to make.” Gertrude continued before pausing to let Gerard ask the big question.
“Would you like to help us destroy leitners?” Gerard asked Michael, not sure he had any idea what a leitner even is.
“What?” Michael answered, clueless as to what they were talking about.
“Think of it like book collecting if the books were evil and we destroyed them in the end.” Gerard paused in hesitation before continuing. “Also I really hate to tell you this but you sort of don’t have a choice, Gertrude said she’d kill you herself if you refused.”
Gertrude slapped Gerard over the head, half jokingly. “You weren’t supposed to mention that part… it’s true though.”
“Oh wow ok. So I guess that means I’m in then. What am I gonna have to do exactly?” Michael squeaked out.
“We’ll tell you in the car tomorrow. Gertrude has a lead on one that we’re going after. I’ll pick you up tomorrow morning.” Gerard said, not really explaining. “But the biggest thing you’ll have to do tomorrow is to stay in your human form for a while.”
“Um, ok. Sure, see you then?” Michael replied as they had all prepared to leave to do their own things.
“Yep, you still have your apartment, right?” Gerard asked, making sure he wasn’t being too rude.
“Probably. I’ll tell you if I don’t for whatever reason.” Michael said before making his way back to his apartment.
Luckily, it was still his and everyone had assumed he just went on a vacation. He took the rest of the day to collect himself. He spent the entire night terrified about what the next day would bring but he also let himself sleep. He was exhausted and his bed has never felt more inviting.