soft as she is

by svnflowerz

Summary:

if silena can get happy ever after with her first love… drew can’t see why the same can’t be true for her. she doesn’t have much time left, so she wants as much of it as she can get.
~
or - drew gets her heart broken, survives two wars, and lets her heart heal a bit .

Chapter 1

the war is coming. that’s the whisper coming from everyone’s mouth. drew hears it in every one of her siblings' sighs, she hears it at all the tables at meals, she sees in it chiron’s always tired face. 

  years ago, before the fall of the labyrinth or the revival of thalia grace or even the claiming of percy jackson - drew used to use charmspeak for fun. she’d convince her friends to go on the tallest roller coaster with her, or get her dad to take her shopping, or get off scot free when prank calling someone. when she tried to convince the world to get her a visit with her mother her voice ran dry. aphrodite didn’t even bother to visit her dreams and her charmspeak didn’t work for months. 

  silena’s had her practicing everyday. silena is the only sibling older than drew in camp. the only older sibling of her’s that she knows is still alive. silena wants them to fight in the war. when drew and silena were the youngest in cabin 10 they’d stuck together, though now drew can’t remember what it was like to know all of her sister’s secrets. but, silena had whispered that her charmspeak could be more when they were little. now, silena is doing her best to make it so. 

  silena believes they can win the war that ends on percy jackson’s birthday. drew doesn’t have her faith, but she can fight by her sister if that’s what silena needs. she thinks of charles beckendorf and how silena refuses to hear anything on breaking up with him - and drew thinks of katie gardner in cabin four who never remembers to touch up her chipping nail polish. if drew’s only big sister left can have the type of love that lasts - maybe drew can too. the war is coming . drew doesn’t have much time left to take a chance.

  halfway through june, right after katie comes back to camp, drew decides to completely innocently take up hours at the strawberry farm. she tells silena she’s testing out how charmspeak works on plants (surprisingly well) and she tells her friends she’s testing out a strawberry aesthetic (it turns out so well she ends up making earrings and ordering a new flavour lip gloss). drew doesn’t need to do much, it’s not like anyone would ever guess why she’s there. 

  nobody knows she likes girls, besides silena, and silena would never guess she likes katie. because katie’s good. katie doesn’t turn down quests, or work and she always reports travis and connor stoll to chiron when they’re about to pull a prank. she runs her cabin with her half sister miranda and drew’s never heard anything honestly bad about her, except for maybe the stupid jokes the stoll brothers say. if everyone knew she liked girls they would expect her to like someone like herself, drew thinks. someone obviously pretty and not covered in dirt who never wears makeup and doesn’t bother to alter the camp t shirt. 

  but katie’s katie. katie’s one of the campers that’s been around forever. she’s been at camp one summer longer than drew, when katie was ten and drew was nine, katie showed her around camp while they both waited to be claimed. 

   katie and drew came early. they weren’t the youngest, that was annabeth who had years on them both. katie was a summer only camper, but drew’s dad had told her she had to stay at camp until high school when he dropped her off that summer. he’d known her mother was a goddess - the story he’d always told was that he prayed for a muse and he got something even better. he didn’t know which one though. 

  so drew tanaka was left crying in the big house in camp full of kids too big with no clue who her mom was and her dad off to get back to his world of models and galleries and trips to europe. chiron had left her with a box of tissues, but he’d been busy trying to keep some children of the war god from starting a fight, like that was something normal around camp. drew just wanted to go back to her room with her fluffy carpet and her plans with her friends and her dad who normally listened to what she wanted when she phrased it the right way. she couldn’t get the words to take the right sugary taste and the perfect soft roundness they had when people listened. no one ever seemed to listen without it. but it took so much work to get them to sound perfect and drew was tired of it. 

  and then katie gardner passed by with a potted cactus in her arms. she’d only had a summer and a year on drew, but she’d put down the pot at the bottom of the steps and walked up to wear drew was sitting on the porch swing and sat next to her. 

  “i’m katie gardner,” she offered. “this is my second summer and. well i guess i kinda know how you feel. i cried a bunch last summer, but this place is nice. there are people like us here.”

  drew had wiped her tears away and crossed her arms and looked katie up and down. “i’m drew. what’s your mom in charge of?”

  “i don’t know, i haven’t been claimed yet,” katie said. her face got a little screwy at that and drew didn’t want to have to try and comfort another girl when she was already upset so she stuck her hand out to shake katie’s. 

  “your mom’s stupid then,” drew said. katie smiled softly and teary at that and drew didn’t mention it. 

  “so,” drew said, still holding katie’s hand because it felt right. “what is there to do around here?”

  katie’s smile grew a little bigger and she stood up, pulling drew with her by their still linked hands, “the strawberry fields are my favourite spot, but the arts and crafts centre is also nice. we could make friendship bracelets there, if you’d like?”

  “sure,” drew said, trying not to sound too eager. “i um. i’d like that a lot. Thanks.”

  the rest of the first summer was a haze of flower crowns katie made for them and sneaking to the waterfall without luke noticing and drew painting katie’s nails in the bottom bunk they shared - all the other bunks full - and katie and drew lying lazily on the beach and trading flavoured chapstick and hoarding the smelly markers during arts and crafts. it ended with drew and katie both being claimed after they helped the cabin win capture the flag. then katie left to go home and when she came back the next summer they were in different cabins.

  different cabins mean more when you’re eleven and ten. at sixteen and fifteen they don’t mean much at all. drew’s closest with her half siblings, but she’s friends with malcolm from athena and sits at the campfire with lou ellen and butch who’re claimed but both still stuck in eleven with no place else to go. She still isn’t friends with katie from though, what she wants is more. 

  there’s war coming . drew can want more as long as she lives, but she only has two months guaranteed left. she does her hours in the field at the same time as katie and she does a free block in the stables when katie does, even though she’s never liked the pegasi much, and she just so happens to make it to the scarce few parties in the woods (far fewer than any other year, there are less campers to go and less energy to bring to them) that she knows katie is going to. 

  and then, finally, she gets a chance. the stolls get called away with percy jackson on one of the little skirmishes that are popping up too often for anyone's comfort and that leaves the camp store unmanned for a day. they signed katie up to do it for them without asking and she’s angrily packaging berries in baskets when drew goes for it. she’s closing the baskets wrong - though she’s normally perfect at it - so drew plucks the basket she’s holding out of her hands and closes it properly, her perfectly manicured nails clicking the lid into place, before reaching out to pause katie’s trembling hands. 

  katie’s endlessly pretty when she’s mad. drew understands why travis always tries to mess with her, as she has katie’s eyes on her. “hey,” she says. the word comes out round and pink and drew’s heart races - her charmspeak isn’t what she needs now so she pushes it down her throat. “i heard the stolls stuck you with their camp store shifts, do you want a hand?”

  she hasn’t been this nervous since she was nine and had katie’s arms around her while they watched the end of summer fireworks. drew’s never liked to look vulnerable so she hasn’t let herself be since before she lived in cabin ten with half siblings she could never quite trust. 

  the look in katie’s eyes shifts and the tenseness that was taught in her skin relaxes and she smiles, “sure, drew. i’m in tomorrow at two pm - don’t be late.” the last bit comes out a little teasing and drew smirks back. 

  “i’d never dare be late to meet you, i’ll see you then,” she winks, carefully, and then she slips past and around katie, her heart still racing but her face carefully composed, as she heads to her cabin. she sneaks a look back over her shoulder to see katie watching her go and she turns back quickly to hide her blush. tomorrow at two pm. she won’t be late. 

  instead, she’s early. silena had asked her where she was going and lacy and valentina had watched her get ready from one of the top bunks, but she hadn’t let anyone slow her down. she’d fussed earlier in the morning but she didn’t let any of it show as she left her cabin to meet katie. lou ellen had the shift before katie and she rose an eyebrow at drew as drew took her place, but she didn’t say anything. that’s why drew liked lou ellen so much, she’d wait to bother drew later. 

  katie arrives at two pm on the dot and giggles when she sees drew is early. “i knew you wouldn’t be late, but i didn’t think you’d beat me here.”

  “i didn’t want to miss any time with you,” drew says with a shrug. the words themselves are soft, but she makes sure she says them with an edge. she’s taking a chance, but she isn’t ready to soften all her sharp bits yet. 

  katie wanders through the aisles, still giggling. “okay, sure drew. i’m just gonna make sure everything’s stocked up in the aisles and then we can just hang out.”

  drew nods when katie looks to check for her reaction, and doesn’t let it show that it maybe kinda hurts that katie doesn’t believe her. katie doesn’t have any reason to think she was being honest - drew’s always had a bite to her and if katie likes her back like drew thinks she might, then hopefully they’ll have time to learn when the other is telling the truth in the time they have left. drew tidies up the till in the meantime. she’s never liked things messy, beauty and love can be messy all they like but the aphrodite cabin has always gotten perfect on cabin inspections for a reason. 

  finally, katie walks back around to where drew is. katie hops onto the counter and grins down at her and drew finds herself playing with her bangles. “so,” katie says, her legs swinging on the other side of the counter. “what made you want to join me here today? i know you don’t typically take shifts here.”

  yesterday when drew got back to cabin ten after talking to katie in the strawberry fields silena had been talking about how she and beckendorf got together. silena’s told drew the story multiple times, but it’s a nice story. it’s a good love story. 

   “okay, okay, shut up everyone!” silena says, half laughing in her bunk, pillow clutched to her chest. the cabin all quiets down. every single one of drew’s half siblings know to pay attention to a love story. 

  “okay,” silena says again, catching her breath. “i’d maybe kinda saved charlie from giant ants-” at this, drew and all of her siblings shriek, they can’t help it, it’s family pride.

  “omg shut up!!” silena says, sitting up. “do you want to hear the story or not?”

  “oh you know you love it, just keep going!” mitch calls from the bunk under silena’s. silena throws her pillow at his face and he laughs, but silena finally gets back to it. 

  “okay! okay, so everyone had known he had this massive crush on me for years and i thought it was kinda cute i guess - but he didn’t do anything about it! and you can like a guy forever, but if he never does anything nothing’s gonna happen. it was capture the flag and we were running out of summers together so i was maybe flirting-” wolf whistles interrupt her, but silena shushes them all. “anyways! it was capture the flag and annabeth and i captured percy - but then he pointed out that charlie had been kidnapped by the myrmekes and i was so scared - though don’t tell anyone i was scared! - but i got it together and the three of us not only put together the giant bronze dragon in the woods we also freed charlie from the ant hill he almost died in and then! we destroyed charlie and percy.”

  “um,” lacy says. “what about him asking you out?”

  “oh yeah,” silena looks at her nails. “hm.” drew throws her pillow at silena and silena laughs. “okay! okay, so we got back from saving charlie and charlie had just jumped on the dragon to turn it off and it was like. super brave and very hot, you know? anyways after turning off a dragon i guess he figured out how to be brave enough to ask me out so he asked me to the fireworks - and i said yes thank you very much! i told him i’d been waiting for him to ask me the whooole time-”

  “get it!!” cam calls as he laughs next to stef. 

  silena laughs, “yeah so i tell him that, and then i kiss his cheek - just his cheek we hadn’t even gone on a date yet! but i kiss his cheek and charlie reaches for my hand, and after i kicked his ass in capture the flag we snuck out that night to go stargazing and - no more yelling okay it’s late!! and we made out by the waterfall - no yelling i said - but the best part wasn’t even that. it was when he lead me to the waterfall and told me he didn’t know how long we were going to have together but he wanted every minute with me, because he said i was worth every minute and he wanted as long as possible to learn what love was with me. and well, now we know!”

  drew’s siblings shriek and laugh at that, even though it’s late and silena just told them not too. drew lets herself relax back into her bunk after she steals silena’s pillow from mitch - they always end up trading pillows like this at night when they tell love stories - and she thinks of tomorrow. she’s never had the love silena has. And yeah, silena should’ve dumped beckendorf and broken his heart like they were taught by their long gone older siblings. but, if silena can get happy ever after with her first love… drew can’t see why the same can’t be true for her. she doesn’t have much time left, so she wants as much of it as she can get. 

  “katie,” drew starts. her voice is shaking so she pinches her wrist and starts again, katie’s listening with a smile, it’s just as soft as the day drew met her. “katie i like spending time with you. that’s why i’ve been hanging around the strawberry fields recently, too.”

  “i like spending time with you too, drew.” katie says. katie reaches out and places a hand on drew’s wrist. drew’s eyes watch as katie’s chipped green nail polish glimmers against her bangles. katie’s fingers separate the bracelets one bye one and drew’s breath catches.

  drew breathes, slowly, “katie. katie i should tell you something.”

  katie looks up into drew’s eyes, face warm and drew screws up her courage and okay this is the most nervous she’s ever been. yesterday isn’t even close. “katie i like you. you’re cute and you’re sweet, and i think we could be something special.”

  drew bites at her strawberry flavoured lip and titls her head at katie. she’s - hopeful. and then katie looks away. katie’s legs have stopped swinging, coming to a standstill that drew has never seen katie ever have. and then katie pulls her hand away from drew’s wrist and drew wants to cry. 

 “drew i. drew i’m sorry but, i just.” katie looks back at drew and drew knows katie’s sorry but it doesn’t help. Katie keeps talking, but the words wash over her and she shifts her dumb hopeful smile into a smirk. that’s stronger. she nods at the right things and waves it off. 

 “don’t worry about it,” drew says and she lets her voice turn sugary with charm. “it’s chill katie. anyways, i’m gonna go. byeee.” and then she walks around the counter and as she leaves she doesn’t look back.

   the war is coming . it makes sense. to her it meant a last chance, to katie it means there’s no point in worrying about love. (to say that to a daughter of the love goddess - drew knows that that, at least, katie didn’t realize)

  it’s drew’s first heartbreak. seeing silena after beckendorf is her second. her third is when she sees her sister's face, melted and scarred and unrecognizable and - still painfully beautiful. the fourth is when she finds the charm around silena’s wrist as she burns her shroud and learns silena was a traitor. the war comes and goes and drew’s heart broke and broke and broke and she learns her stupid lesson. 

  after that, drew closes the door to her heart and she closes it on her siblings as well. silena didn’t want to break beckendorf’s heart, but she was a traitor. she would’ve traded cabin ten for kronos’s army - even if it wasn’t where she was in the end at some point she would’ve. drew turns the cabin sharp. she doesn’t think about first loves and she doesn’t think about telling her siblings the shape her love takes - instead she spends her rite of passage with a boy from nike who made fun of her when they were younger and she smiles when she breaks his heart. she doesn’t think about katie gardner. 

  (no, thats a lie. she thinks about katie gardner way too much. she’s different, everyone is, and even as drew lets herself harden she can’t help but watch as katie kisses travis at the fireworks. katie gardner breaks her heart again when she kisses travis and drew looks away and turns to malcolm to make fun of one of the new hermes kids.)

Chapter 2

  the war is over. drew barely believes it. the first war made drew close her heart. it and everything it caused made drew meaner than she thought she could be. the war is over . But it doesn’t feel any different. when piper mclean swings into camp and goes on that dumb quest drew bites her lip and she sharpens her words even more than before and she’s just so fucking angry all of the time and the war is over but another one is right there and-

  (she spotted katie and travis kissing at the campfire jason was claimed at but she just made a mess of herself and she’s so fucking tired of that.  she’s so tired of not being right)

  piper mclean comes back from her quest and everyone knows there’s a second war on it’s way. the first war is something drew tries to forget. she lost friends to it. she lost her family. The war is over . their lives were supposed to reach some level of normal. the fates don’t seem to give a shit, they seem to want everyone to live through it again. the first war was a nightmare but it’s over. drew wants anything but another war. except - the second war is giving her another sister. piper is the first new aphrodite camper that wasn’t already in camp since before the titan war. 

  piper takes the cabin counsellor role and drew lets her have it. the war is over . does that matter when there’s another one? but - the second war isn’t like the first. the titan war was her siblings crowding in their cabin together, holding onto everyone and hoping they wouldn’t lose anyone. it was learning her big sister was a traitor the entire time. it was. it was full of death. the second war isn’t free from loss, but instead of taking everything it gives them a sister camp. drew does her hours in the combat arena for the first time ever and she lets her new half brother michael teach her how to use a sword and she only puts up a little fight. at camp jupiter they live together into old age. the only demigods drew knows that lived to old age have dispersed through the world, available to call once or twice, but drew will never get a city with them. stupid annabeth chase wants a city, drew can see it, but it will be for the campers now. not the ones who left because there was no other life for them. the war is over. drew doesn’t know what that means. 

 for piper mclean little ms movie star, it means her best friend is dead. piper needs her to soften her words and drew does. she tells lacy to start sharing love stories at night when piper starts shaking and drew remembers what it’s like to spend her nights laughing with her half siblings again. the war is over . drew stops waiting to see what it means and decides that herself. she does butch’s toes in the rainbow pattern he likes and runs jewellrey making sessions in the arts and crafts center and she even participates in capture the flag for the first time since before the last war. she doesn’t open her heart up but she relearns her mother's domain. and she practices her charmspeak because piper might be her sister and she might be hurting, but drew’s not going to make everything easy for her. it’s not worth it if it is. 

  the last few weeks of summer are spent like that. drew enters junior year and ignored bratty sadie kane who thinks she’s special now that she’s a sophomore. she takes the lead in all the drama productions that are school wide and even bothers to help lacy learn how the lights work when she signs up so she can hang out with sadie. It’s...fun. the war is over . drew is still learning what it means to know she’s going to survive. 

  drew’s a daughter of aphrodite, but more importantly she’s the oldest camper and the longest serving camper in cabin ten. she’s seen her half siblings leave camp and never come home. she knows where they went, though, when they left the strawberry fields and canoe lake in the dust. 

   “where are you going?” drew asks. she’s twelve and her head counsellor is leaving with no plans to come back. arabella sighs as she packs her bags and turns back to look at drew, slumping onto her bunk as she meets drew’s eyes. 

  “drew, baby, i’m too old for camp now,” she says it sweetly, not quite the way drew’s charmspeak sounds, but close. “i’m gonna be a star, drew. another one of our siblings got me a spot on a new show and i’m gonna be on it. remember camilla, the head counsellor from last year? she’s in europe now doing fashion shows. mom might not visit us, but she did give us something special. when we have the drive we can be the biggest stars in the sky.”

  drew nods, carefully, and then she holds out her little address book she bought from the camp store. if arabella is going to be a star, drew is going to have her contact information. she tells arabella that and her sister laughs and fills in her information with no hesitation. “drew, i’ll do you one better. i’ll give you all of the contacts of our siblings that i have too. when you’re ready for the spotlight reach out to any of us and we’ll get you what you need.”

  the smile on arabella’s face grows as she signs the bottom with a signature that is clearly well practiced and fitting for a star. drew takes the book back and holds it close to her chest. over the next few years as siblings leave, drew carefully writes down their information. later, she adds it to her laptop and phone and backs them up as many times as she can think.

  she has siblings on magazine covers, broadway stages, oscar winning movie posters. and drew has their numbers programmed on her phone. drew never knew what her calling was, now she thinks she has an idea. before she boards the bus to go back home with lacy she calls up arabella and she promises her an agent when she gets back from camp. the war is over . she can set her roots down anywhere and….she can leave camp without being a traitor. 

  when she and lacy get in a shoving match as they walk past thalia’s tree drew doesn’t dig her nails in to lacy’s arm to get her to stop. instead, drew pops a stick of bubblegum into her mouth and offers one to lacy. this could be her last summer at camp. part of her wants her siblings to ask her for her contact information before she leaves like she did for all of the cabin ten campers before her that made it out alive. lacy takes it, examines it carefully, and shoves it in her mouth. 

  then, drew pauses. “wait a minute. hon, didn’t you have braces?”

  lacy nods, and then she curls her lips up as she smirks at drew, displaying perfectly aligned brace free teeth. “i got them off three weeks ago!”

  “hm,” drew says. “they look half decent. fix the pigtails and i’ll maybe let you borrow something from my closet.” she keeps walking as she says that, chewing her gum. it’s strange looking at camp and not recognizing most of the faces. new campers arrive every summer and fewer leave. she turns to ask lacy if she knows who the group clustered around the big house porch are -

  lacy is still back where she was when drew gave her the gum. drew raises an eyebrow and lacy stumbles forward, looking a little lost. drew grabs her arm and steers her towards cabin ten. lacy snaps out of her haze after a bit and manages to get into the cabin by herself. drew rolls her eyes and claims her bunk. she finds a few papers waiting on the table the typically stick shared accessories on and picks it up. It’s a bunch of head counsellor information and drew skips over most of it up to - assignments for older campers. drew still has to do some activities with her cabin but she’s outgrown some of the others, in the space where she used to have monster 101 and ancient greek and the like, she now has hours supervising and running events at the arts and crafts centre and - drew drops the papers and turns back to her bunk. 

  she’s almost completely settled in when piper walks in, leading a new boy with valentina and mitch. the four of them claim their bunks, there’s only one bunk left. drew’s eyes stay on the bunk. cam’s bags are left unpacked on their bed, lacy is in the bathroom, the new boy is being shown the ropes by val and piper, mitch and stef are year rounders...sometimes bunks are empty. 

   the war is over . silena’s bunk is still empty. drew closes her eyes. 

   “drew?” there’s a new girl sitting on the top bunk by the closet. drew memorized every single one of her siblings' names and faces at the end of last summer after her claiming before they all went back home for school, so she knows this girl is new. she’s wearing a headscarf with a pretty flower pattern and her eyes are a glittery pink. and she looks like she’s the same age as drew. there hadn’t been any summer campers her age last year in cabin ten. 

  “yeah,” drew says. she doesn’t say anything else. the new girl doesn’t seem to mind. 

  “i’m silena beauregard,” she says smiling. “we’re sisters i guess. it’s nice to meet you, i don’t have any siblings outside of camp.”

  drew eyes her carefully. and then she walks over to silena’s bunk and climbs up the ladder. she reaches out and shakes silena’s hands and carefully examines silena’s nail polish, now that she’s up close. “me neither,” drew says. “i like your nail polish.”

  silena’s smile gets even bigger and her back straightens up, “i brought it with me! can i do your nails?”

  drew shrugs, but she’s smiling too, “sure.”

  drew walks over to silena’s bunk and lifts her hand to brush against the wooden rail that kept silena from rolling off onto the ground for years. 

  “drew!” piper’s voice calls. drew turns over to see piper holding the papers up. all of drew’s siblings are back at the cabin now drew drops her hand from the rail. “you have most of your shifts in the arts and crafts centre, but you also have a few in the strawberry fields. cool? cool. okay mitch you’re-”

  “strawberry fields?” lacy asks, popping her head out of the bathroom to eye drew carefully. “piper are you sure about that one? drew doesn’t work in the strawberry fields.”

  cam coughs awkwardly, “she did. once. with katie gardner.”

  “uh,” piper says. “okay, well it says here you have your first shift with katie so i guess it’ll be fine. it’s thursday at two by the way, so you have a few days to fight chiron or whoever on it. um, anyways, mitch you’re on lifeguard duty during canoe lessons - that’s pretty cool mitch, i didn’t know you were a lifeguard.”

  her first shift is with katie gardner. she knew that already of course. she had just hoped she read it wrong. drew decides to ignore it until it’s thursday. 

  on tuesday, her friends decided to crash her arts and crafts lesson. she has the nike and nemesis cabins so it’s really just turned into a race. drew maybe made it worse when she said whoever had the best earrings would win a prize. drew hasn’t decided what the prize is yet. butch starts making a pair next to her while lou ellen sabotages the kids she thinks are doing too well. malcolm asks her how she’s doing. 

  “i’m fine,” drew says. “i’m scheduled for the strawberry fields with katie gardner on thursday.”

  malcolm hums at that, “you know, when i was trying to get connor to ask me out last week - shh i know he’s in love with your brother shut up - anyways he told me his brother and katie are over.”

  drew doesn’t say anything to that. she just reaches over and straightens the wire on butch’s earrings he grins at her and bumps into her shoulder and she shoves him back into his seat. it’s been a while since her sister was the only one who knew she liked girls. 

  “the war is over now. it could be different this time,” malcolm says. “more importantly though, is your brother going to ask connor out or not? connor’s so mopey over travis being gone, mitch will have to make the first move.”

  drew rolls her eyes, “i don’t pay attention to my siblings love lives. anyways, i’m thinking about not coming back next summer.”

  butch blinks at her, “what?” then he throws a piece of clay at lou ellen to get her to pay attention. “lou ellen, drew says she’s not coming back next summer.”

  lou ellen mirrors butch’s blink. “drew, what the fuck?”

  “well,” drew says, playing with the clay in front of her as she avoids her friends eyes. “one of my older siblings is getting me an agent, but she told me they film mostly during the summer. and it would be my last summer anyways.”

  “an agent?” lou ellen says, her voice quieter. “that’s a big deal.”

  “i know,” drew says. malcolm looks like he’s about to tell her why an agent is stupid and not coming back to camp is stupid and why she should just listen to the athena kid, when a tiny daughter of nemesis drops a perfectly made pair of clay earrings in the shap of bloody knives in front of drew. 

  “well,” she says standing up. “we have a winner!” the rest of the kids start shouting, but drew just holds up the earrings and they quiet down. no one really wants to fight with a child of nemesis who won fair and square (more or less, considering lou ellen’s interference) with knife shaped jewelry. 

  when drew sits back down the kid has her arms crossed and a glint in her eyes, “i want my prize.”

  drew shrugs, “what do you want that i can give?”

  the kid lights up. “i want an aphrodite makeover.” 

  “well,” drew says, beaming next to her friends who have started to crack up, “i can happily arrange that.”

  her friends have to filter out after that, but butch catches drew’s arm as he leaves and he looks her in the eye, “we’re still your friends, even if you don’t come back next summer. you know that, right?”

  drew rolls her eyes at him, but it’s fond. “yes i know, you’ll get dibs on my autographs and everything.” butch smiles at her and he dangles his new earrings in her face as malcolm doubles back to pull him to their next activity. 

  after that, drew manages to push the thought of her upcoming unavoidable time with katie to the back of her mind. 

  when the day finally comes, she pulls cam and julian over to her stuff in the closet after they get their hours and she makes them pick between her altered camp shirts for her. there’s the one she ripped the sleeves off of, the one she cropped, the one she made into an off the shoulder, the one she fringed the edges of, and the one she dyed and embroidered a heart onto. 

  cam sighs at her as she fusses, “what are you trying to do here? drew you know she had that thing with travis for like, ever.” julian elbows cam for that and tells drew to go with the cropped one. drew smiles at him, only mostly fake and then she turns to cam.

  “why would i care that katie was making out with travis for the past two summers?” drew asks, her words sugary, her charmspeak slipping out gently. 

  “because you’re still kinda into her,” cam says. julian elbows cam harder this time. drew blinks at them both and the two of them shrug at her. 

  “well,” julian says. “cam didn’t have to be a dick, but yeah. we know you used to like her. you wouldn’t spend so much time in a field for anyone.”

  “oh,” drew says. drew had thought this whole time that silena was the only one of her siblings who knew she liked girls. julian seems to realize what she’s thinking, because he slings an arm around her shoulder and squeezes as he directs her towards the bathroom so she can do her makeup. cam trails behind them, but is quiet enough so drew doesn’t say anything. 

  “now i don’t know if you actually want to win her over or whatever, but i do that eyeliner thing for you that i did when i got cecil to ask me out,” julian smiles at her as the two of them stare at the bathroom mirror and drew smiles back, sharper and small, but she smiles back. she’d heard rumours from lou ellen about him and cecil but she’d never asked. 

  drew looks at the carefully colour coded makeup products displayed in the bathroom year round and picks out her favourite pink pencil, “i don’t know if i want to win her over. but i want her to see me at my best.”

  julian squeezes her shoulders and turns her around and does her eyeliner perfectly. when he’s finished cam passes her her strawberry shaped earrings and drew smiles at them both, softer than she normally does when they can see. 

  and then drew walks over to the strawberry fields for the first time since before the war. her pink eyeliner is perfect and her camp shirt is cropped to wear her high waisted denim shorts reach and her strawberry shaped earrings swing in the air. katie is at the edge of the bushes holding two wicker baskets in her arms. she’s wearing a flower crown in her hair and drew’s breath totally doesn’t catch. 

  she takes her basket from katie and they start walking through the bushes. they aren’t the only two in the fields, but they seem to be the only demigods. the others are nymphs and satyrs. drew reaches for a malformed strawberry. when she touches it it shimmers lightly, she plucks it and pulls it up to her eye. it’s in the shape of a heart. 

  drew swallows and puts it in her basket and turns to look at katie. katie’s busy plucking strawberries. drew blinks and turns back to the bushes, she must’ve been seeing things. except, it keeps happening. drew almost confronts katie, and then she realizes that she’s just going to stop getting the heart shaped strawberries if she says anything. it’s probably just their godly inclinations getting confused. 

  after the eleventh heart shaped strawberry they start to get bigger. when drew picks a heart shaped strawberry the size of her hand she stops brushing it off and she puts down her basket. 

  “katie gardner, what the fuck is this?” 

  katie stands up slowly and puts her basket down on the ground. “well,” katie says. “um.”

  drew shoves the strawberry at katie and katie plucks it out of drew’s hands, “wait! wait, wait um.”

  “are you trying to make fun of me? this isn’t funny katie gardner.” drew’s face is flushed and her fingers have curled into fists. she could put up with spending time with the girl she was halfway in love with once, but she’s not going to put up with her mocking her. 

  “no!” katie says, and katie’s face is so open and sorry that drew even believes her a bit. drew lets her hands relax by her side and she gestures at katie to keep talking. “well,” katie says. “i heard you were thinking about not coming back next summer.”

  drew raises an eyebrow at her, “and?” she doesn’t know where katie’s heard that from, but she’s suspecting some convoluted train of malcolm and lou ellen and cecil and connor. 

  “okay, um. okay. we’ve. well we’ve known each other forever, since we were little, and at first i thought i was just upset because if you were thinking about leaving it meant our time was running out. and then i started thinking about our time running out and - and i remember what you said back a few months ago before the titan war,” katie takes a deep breath and drew sees she’s fiddling with a bracelet on her wrist. and. drew recognizes it. she has a matching one underneath her bunk pillow from their first summer at camp together that katie and her made for each other. katie clears her throat and continues, “and at the time - at the time i was dumb. i didn’t even know if i liked girls but i thought if i liked any girl i would like you, but i was so worried about the war and one of my little brothers had just gone to the other side and i didn’t want to lose anyone too close. and then i thought you might ask again after the war, but you didn’t.”

  “i thought you didn’t like me at all,” drew says, quieter than she means to. 

  katie laughs a little, but it wavers and drew freezes as she realizes katie has started to cry a bit, “that makes perfect sense. ha. but, i didn’t know because i was dumb. and then travis was being sweet to me all day and he asked to kiss me and i saw yes because i just really wanted to be held. and everything with travis was so good, and i’m not sorry about it really, because i liked him a lot and i don’t regret being with him but. but we broke up when he went to university and i’m going in september, so we both knew it was coming to an end. but, but i never saw you anymore. and i’d missed you so much in the time between the summer when we were little and the months before the war and then you were gone again and. and then i heard you were leaving and i knew i had to do something and i saw you today with your perfect eyeliner and your really cute earrings and-”

 katie cuts herself off, blushing and crying a bit and drew reaches out. she’s not used to reaching out and she’s not sure she can be as soft as she needs to be, but she catches one of katies hands and squeezes it. “yeah?” drew asks. 

  “and. and i saw you in that crop top and i wanted to scream a bit,” katie admits. “i really, really like you drew. and i know you probably don’t like me back, but i had to try-”

  “wait,” drew says. “of course i like you back.” because of course she does. katie broke her heart, but drew would rather katie break her heart than let anyone else close to touching it in the same way. katie with her heart shaped strawberry plan and beautiful brown eyes and soft sweet smiles. 

  “oh,” katie says. “really? because you’re drew tanaka and you’re kinda the most beautiful girl ever. and you were the best friend i used to dream of when i was a kid that summer.”

  drew links her fingers with katie’s and steps close, “your nail polish is still chipped.”

  “sorry?” katie says, a little confused. 

  “nothing, ignore that,” drew bites her lip and tastes strawberry. “katie, will you go out with me?”

  and then katie smiles the soft smile she’s had since they were little that drew’s been in love with for years and nods, “yeah. i’d like that a lot.”

  “cool,” drew says. and she smiles back with the smile she’s only let katie have. katie steps closer to her, and with her free hand she presses her thumb up against drew’s mouth. drew hopes that katie can’t hear her heartbeat race, and then katie meets her eyes right on. 

  “drew,” katie asks. “can i kiss you?”

  drew answers by taking katie’s other hand and leaning in. their lips meet, and drew tries to memorize the softness of katie’s lips against hers. 

  when they seperate, katie giggles, “i always thought your lips would taste like strawberries. guess i was right.”

  later, drew and katie will talk about their plans and the schools and programs they’re planning for and they’ll get to know each others friends and each others siblings. katie’s lips will taste like strawberries because she’ll steal drew’s lipgloss and they’ll make out in all the spots they frequented as kids. 

  now, drew laughs with katie and kisses her again, and again and again until all she can taste is strawberries. the war is long gone, and their future is starting. 

Notes:

finished <3 note of advice: don't write this much for the first day of a week that ur running. u will regret it

anyways, check out pjofemslashweek on tumblr we r running until the 15th, im zoenightshadez if u want to talk or request smth and ty for reading!