Chapter Text
Velvet was wandering the streets of hell, she was going to help her dear friend Val with a mission. Sinners scurried away from her in fear, trying their best to avoid eye-contact with the powerful demon. Soon she had arrived at the place Val had called her to. It was a small little bakery on the edge of the city. The brick building looked pretty run down overall, with several windows boarded up and the walls caving in on one side. The sign at the top said “Hell’s #3 bakery”, with a number 2 written on the sign originally, yet hastily crossed out with markers. She walked through the shitty doors at the front to see Val already waiting for her. He looked even grumpier than usual. He was towering over a smaller demon, a grey man with horns protruding from his head. A small cake was sat on a platter between them, which the smaller demon was using as a shield from Val’s rage.
“-JUST SCREW ME OVER LIKE THAT!” Val was yelling at the shop owner it seemed.
“I-I don't understand-” the demon started.
“Bull. Fucking. Shit. I know you’ve been helping them, so make it easy on yourself and don't fucking mess with my business. I want these cakes to be real ya’ hear me? Not stuffed with loads of my merchandise that you smuggled out!” Val glared down at the man, who had taken to pathetically quivering behind the cake stand. “Do we understand each other?” Valentino asked, his silky smooth voice returning, a slight buzz hidden just behind the words.
The shopkeeper nodded frantically, unable to form coherent words in his panic.
“Good.” At that Val turned, only to notice Velvet staring at the scene, trying her best to suppress laughter. God, Val could be so funny sometimes. And watching him be so mad; it was absolutely hilarious! Val’s expression softened imperceptibly.
“Baby doll, glad you could join us,” he purred
“Sure Vally.” She smiled at him. “Anything for a friend, and boy was that so funny, it made me want to explode with laughter! You really showed him what for!” Val chuckled a little at that “So whatcha need me for anyway?” She asked.
“I need you to keep an eye on our friend here.” He pointed his thumb over his shoulder at the grey shop owner. “And make sure the next fucking cake he makes, is AN ACTUAL FUCKING CAKE.” He shouted the last part over his shoulder, which only made Velvet laugh even harder.
Oh why did Val have to be funny today, it was killing her! After she finished laughing she turned back to Val. “No problem Val, I’ll handle it”.
“Good." Val turned to leave, his coat dragging on the floor behind him as he walked.
Suddenly a thought dawned on Velvet, as it often did; but this one in particular made her so giddy with excitement she wanted to hop on one foot. Though she didn’t, cause Val never liked when she did, he said it was embarrassing or something like that.
“Does this mean I get to cut the cake?” She asked Val, hoping he would say yes. She really, really wanted to cut the cake.
Val turned back, he looked surprised momentarily before his signature grin returned and he nodded. Velvet had never remembered a time she felt so excited.
“Thankyouthankyouthankyou!” She squealed, rushing into the kitchen and returning with a large kitchen knife. She smiled as she gripped it, feeling giddy and hyper laughing out loud in pure glee.
Val grinned at the sight before he pulled out his phone. Velvet smiled even wider and posed with the weapon, a flash signaling the photo was taken.
“Be sure to tag me in it!” She shouted after Val. She couldn’t wait until her followers saw that, they were gonna be so jealous!
But first she had a task to complete. She turned to the staff of the small shop, who were hurriedly doing something in the kitchen, rushing about like ants on a hill. Velvet briefly wondered what they were doing, curiosity overtaking her. But nah! She had other things to devote her mind to, like the cake! Velvet bounced over it, practically skipping across the floor. There it sat, pristine and beautiful, with the demon from earlier still standing next to it looking a fair bit shell-shocked from bearing the brunt of her friend's rage. Oh well. She stared at the cake, losing track of time, lost in its sugary attraction. But wait! Val had told her to see if the cake was real! How could she do that? It certainly looked plenty real, but perhaps the cake was lying to her! She elected to lean down to its level and ask the product.
“Are you actually a cake?” She pouted when she didn’t get a response. “I’m talking to you, don’t be so rude and ignore me.” Still nothing. “You don’t have to be shy, it's just a little old me.” And yet the response still eluded her. Fine she thought, be like that then.
“Uh, Miss Velvet?” a voice to her left asked. “The cake is real I swear, Valentino’s just got a little worked up is all.” he chuckled nervously, a clawed hand scratching behind his head. “I'm sure you’re a busy person, you don’t hafta’ waste your time here”
Velvet narrowed her eyes. Didn’t Val say to check the cake? Well he didn’t point directly at the cake, just in its general direction. So what if..? That’s it! He didn't mean the cake sitting on the stool, he meant the guy! It made so much sense, Velvet almost facepalmed. Of course, Val must’ve been mad at him for pretending not to be a cake. She needed them to check and see if he was a real cake or not.
“Are you a real cake?” She asked, a straightforward and simple way to approach it. Surely this man would understand.
“I-I, what?” He stuttered out. How could he have not understood that? It’s a simple question. Unless…
“Oh so you don’t know?”
“Well-”
“That’s okay, we’ll just have to find out,” she said, smiling wide. She was still really really excited to get to cut the cake.
“Wait, I-FUCK” The man screeched out, his shoulder impaled by the kitchen knife halfway through his sentence. Velvet held on to him as he screamed and struggled, yelling profanities into the sky that nearly drowned out the horrid slicing sound of the knife through flesh. Wait, flesh? Velvet finished carving out a chunk from the man as close to the shape of a cake slice as she could manage with him all rudely squirming and screaming. When she finished, she looked at the slice on the plate. It didn’t look like any kind of cake she had heard of, disappointing! Instead it looked like a piece of flesh. That settled it then, he was most definitely not a cake. Velvet felt very proud of herself for solving the mystery. Val was gonna be happy too when he found out what a good job she did.
She looked down at the man who was still screaming and thrashing on the floor, clutching his shoulder like it was the end of the world.
“YOU FUCKING PSYCHO!” he yelled “WHAT THE FUCK! YOU CUT A PIECE OF MY FUCKING ARM OUT!” Sheesh, he was rude.
Well, Velvet supposed she should help him out somewhat, if only to get him to stop yelling such rude things at her. She was only trying to do what Val told her! After stitching the man back up and getting him to stand by the cake stand, she felt even better. She had done so well! Her followers needed to see her accomplishment, so they could understand that today, Velvet had solved the great mystery of the cake! She quickly cut into the cake on the stand with the now-bloodied knife and got the not-cake man to stand by it, looking grumpy. She asked the workers there to take her picture, which they complied with quite quickly. It was amazing how fast that woman scurried to help her. She posed for the camera, holding a slice of cake on a platter in one hand and the knife in the other, smiling triumphantly.
After posting the picture, Velvet decided she felt hungry. The cake looked really good! It smelled good too, like this carnival Vox and Val took her to once. She plucked a fork from the kitchen, and dug in. A happy smile overtook her features as she relished in the taste of the sweets. Then she felt odd. Lightheadedness overtook her, and she felt even more giddy and happy than normal. No, not giddy, she felt more relaxed than anything else. She didn’t notice the store staff chatting amongst themselves worriedly. She left the store, her job now complete, and stumbled into the busy streets of the pentagram. The buzzed feeling in her head had only increased with more of the cake she had eaten. It was like a sugar rush times a thousand! She walked in this state for a time she couldn’t remember. Had it been an hour? Two? She didn’t care. Her thoughts were clouded, like she was walking in a heavy mist in her mind. She stumbled more than once, her shoes catching on the rocks around her. She could have sworn she felt the air grow heavy with some sort of static at one point only for it to disappear as she kept wandering. Eventually, she heard two vaguely familiar voices calling out to her through the fog of her mind.
“Velvet!” They called out. “Are you there?”
Oh of course! It was Val. Velvet wandered over to where the voices were coming from, giggling to herself stupidly at nothing in particular. Eventually she found the voices and it turned out both Vox and Val were there, looking very concerned for some odd reason. She remembered how excited she was earlier to tell them how good she did today, they were gonna be so proud! It was Vox that noticed her first, cyan shoes squeaking against the pavement as he hurried over.
“Vel!” he yelled out. “We were looking everywhere for you, where’d you go?” His screen flickered for a moment.
“Well , I had this wonderful cake, you guys should really try it,” Velvet started, happy to explain to her friend the fun she had in the past... however long it had been. “So I decided to hit the streets to celebrate solving the cake mystery!” She was partially jumping up and down as she recounted the tale. “And then I had so much fun just walking around the city, I think I shoved some guy aside- you should have seen how he scrambled on the floor, it was hilarious!” Vox looked a little lost at the rapid-fire explanation, while Val’s eyes were wide, the color having drained from his face. Velvet turned to him. “So I did what you wanted me to, it turns out that he was not a cake at all, actually.”
“I saw-”
“Yup! He was just some regular guy after all. But I still got to cut the real cake they left out! It was really really good.”
“Velvet. Do you know why I wanted you to check the cake?” Val asked, his voice had gone very low and he spoke slowly.
“Cause you were mad at him for pretending to be a cake right?” Velvet waited patiently for Val to confirm this. Instead his hand found a perch against his forehead.
“They were using the cake to smuggle drugs from my business” Val explained “they were hiding them in the cakes, and you ate it.”
Velvet was confused. “Hiding drugs in the cake, but I told you, he wasn’t a real cake.”
“No, the cake you ate honey, they hid drugs in that.” Val sounded very exasperated. “You ate a bunch of drugs.”
Oh. that explained why she felt so bouncy then. But there was still a question, a mystery that gnawed at her mind. “So why did you want me to check the guy to see if he was real?”
Val looked completely exhausted. “I didn’t! I wanted you to check the cake they baked!” The cake they baked? So that is what all the people were doing in the kitchen.
“I would have paid good money to see you check if someone was a cake.” Vox grinned, amused. “Whatcha do to em’ anyway?” He chuckled, his screen flickering again as he imagined the scenario in his head.
“Not helping” Val butted in. “We have more important things to worry bout’ right now.”
“It wasn’t my business that got hurt, Val.”
“You could still take this seriously!” Val was getting angrier by the second. “Every time I try to do something actually serious you always de-rail it, you fucking clown!”
“It’s not my fault I wanna have some fun every now and again. Quit being such a bitch 'bout it.”
The two continued arguing while Velvet’s thoughts swirled once more. So if the man wasn’t cake and Val wanted her to check ‘the cake they baked’, then she failed didn’t she? Velvet’s mood plummeted at the thought of her triumph from earlier being a fake one. What could Val mean by that though? There was no other cake in the room. So then it must mean the one the demons in the kitchen were making. But then her mind asked another question. If people in hell could be cakes, then what if she was a cake? After all, why else would Val want her to help? She had to investigate this right away. She raised the knife (she had forgotten she took it with her) and pointed it at her shoulder. If she was a cake then she should be able to cut a slice of cake from her, like she did earlier with the not-cake man. Just as she was about to start cutting however, Val had grabbed the blade with two of his arms.
“Vel! What the hell do ya think you're doing?” He all but yelled, his voice shrill and panicked.
“I need to see if I’m cake, Val! Why else would you let me help you with this? You never let me help with anything else!” Vox and Val looked taken aback by that, although Val was still wrestling for the knife. Eventually the larger demon wrenched it out of Velvet’s grasp, much to her sadness. “You never let me have fun!” She whined “I just wanted to see if I was cake."
Vox and Vall just shared a look she couldn’t decipher. It was the TV head who spoke up first. “How about we just go back home for now okay?” Velvet looked ready to retort but he interrupted her “I promise I’ll take you with me next time I have a job to do okay, you can help me solve a mystery I’ve been having problems with.”
At that Velvet felt over the moon. “Okay! I’m great at mysteries.”
She followed Vox and Val as they led her to their car, already wrapped up in wondering what this new mystery was that Vox needed her for. She didn’t realize how tired she was until she sat in the limo’s pink seats, only to curl up into Vox’s jacket and doze off immediately.