Chapter Text
Donghyuck’s mother once called him a galaxy.
To be fair, it’s mostly because he demanded to be called as such.
It’s all because of his youngest brother. From birth, his brother already had two stars over his heart — another three soon joining them. Donghyuck, who’s only ever seen his parents' soulmarks, who doesn’t have any of his own just yet, is incredibly jealous.
“Why does he get all the pretty stars?” Donghyuck pouts, sitting at his mother’s feet. She has her youngest child balanced on her lap, while his dad is playfully wrestling with his twin sister and other younger brother.
His sister doesn’t share the same concerns. When he tried to bring up this same topic, she just rolled her eyes at him and called him silly, so now he’s a little offended. But now he’s worried he’s missing some important information, and he can’t have his sister knowing more than him.
His mother smiles down at him, running a hand through his hair. “Ah, my dearest. It’s all about love.”
Donghyuck, young and annoyed he doesn’t understand everything about the world, frowns. His parents have told them this before, but Donghyuck doesn’t get it and he’s frustrated.
“Well I love you and dad. You love each other. So why is he different?” He asks, pointing accusingly at his youngest sibling.
“Well, you know that your dad and I only have each other on our chests, right? And we love you kids so, so much, and you’re in our hearts too. But it’s a different type of mark,” his mother explains, patting her chest. “One you can’t see.”
“Why can’t you see it?”
His mother tilts her head, smiling patiently. “Well, you’re our children. But your dad and I are in love — in the way we got married, and always hold hands and kiss each other.”
“But I hold your hand. And I give kisses,” he argues, because it doesn’t make sense. His mother laughs, a beautiful, bright sound, even though he’s upset she’s laughing at him.
“You do. You give the best kisses,” she praises, and Donghyuck lights up with pride. “But we’re not married, are we? One day you’ll find someone, someone pretty and nice to you, and you’ll want to hold their hand and love them and — if you want to, you can marry them too.”
Donghyuck considers the words. He’s only just past the point of asking why can’t I marry you, then? Because he’s older now and he understands more about the world, obviously. He understands that marriage is for older people who want to wear nice rings.
Donghyuck’s mouth twists, thinking back to his original point. “Okay, but why can we see his stars?”
His mother’s hands soothe over her youngest child’s sides. “It’s a different type of love, one that the universe thinks is more important to his soul. Your dad and I love each other, and that’s romantic love — and we think your soulmarks will be the same.” She hums, considering. Some of the words are flying right over Donghyuck’s head, but he’s doing his best.
She continues to explain, a soft smile on her lips. “But for your brother, it’s not about that romantic love. It’s about platonic love. Love for family, or for friends. It’s not about marriage, or being in love. It’s just love. You understand his stars are all of us, don’t you?”
Donghyuck nods. He remembers that this part, at least, has been explained to him. When Donghyuck touches his youngest brother, his small chubby fingers always reach up to touch a specific star. His brother always touches a specific one for every family member.
“But why does he get to have that love shown? Why does he have so many? I want to have that many,” Donghyuck pouts, upset. He thinks his parents’ have gorgeous stars, but seeing the constellation on his brother makes him envious.
His mother laughs at him again, soothing his worries with a hand stroking through his hair. “Your little brother will look like the night sky, because that’s just how his soul shows his love, but that does not make your galaxy any less special.”
He frowns. “Galaxy?”
“That's what’s up in the night sky. That’s what we call the place with all the stars and the moon, and all the other planets too. A galaxy. You will have your own special galaxy, which has all the stars your soul loves. You will be a galaxy, my baby.”
Donghyuck likes the sound of that.
Even if his youngest brother is the best representation of one, as stars continue to grow in his skin, all over his chest as he grows older. Still, Donghyuck’s nickname continues — his parents’ little galaxy.
She explains it a little more as he gets older.
Donghyuck might not see it on his chest, his soul not showing it in the same way, but she told him a single star is barely a representation of his love. A planet seems too small. Even a solar system unable to contain it.
But a galaxy — now that, she said, that would be equivalent to showing all the love he has given, has yet to give, and have a chance of holding all the endless love he will ever receive. That’s the place on his chest, even if it seems sparse.
It’s just difficult to picture when Donghyuck sees his brother, stars lighting up his entire chest. Donghyuck, who had none for so long, could never understand how his own empty chest could ever represent an entire galaxy.
It’s not he’d ever doubt his own mother, because there’s little she doesn’t seem to know, but he realises it now.
He’s finally starting to understand what she really meant, all those years ago.
A galaxy.
She said it before Donghyuck’s soulmarks ever formed, his first just over ten years later.
And, well, his soulmarks are currently three stars. Not even close to a real galaxy. But Donghyuck looks at his reflection in the bathroom mirror and thinks there’s something about them that seems otherworldly, so infinite.
The three stars that sit on his chest, drawn over his heart, seem all too large, all too daunting. He gets it now.
It doesn’t matter how many stars Donghyuck has on his chest. It’s his own galaxy, and this one feels overwhelming. Engulfing. Unable to be contained in his one body.
All this love, displayed over his heart for any to see who he dared let to see, and all for three other people.
They say every star in the sky represents a connection, every soulmark ever left on someone. Billions and billions over time — some that withstand lifetimes, bright and powerful and forever connected. Some, reflecting the marks on people’s chests, fade away and die as the love is lost.
Scientifically, Donghyuck isn’t sure if he’s too convinced. But soulmarks, despite all the attempts of research, can hardly be explained. It doesn’t matter what Donghyuck thinks in the end, because the end result is the same. He still has three soulmarks on his chest.
Donghyuck has learned a little more about all the types of love a soul can show over the years. Romantic, platonic, and all the ways in between.
Others, very rarely, have the love they’re given. For an idol, that can be the hardest one to deal with. Millions of stars, spreading out from their chest. Unable to be contained just above the heart, and visible on all parts of their body, and the effort to cover it is exhausting.
He’s learned that sometimes those with romantic soulmarks have more than one. A lover that died too soon, a love that never faded with them. Eternal one-sided unrequited love. Some with their first love, or any previous love, that never truly left — but not as bright as their current love.
Rarely does it ever seem to be what Donghyuck’s going through. To be in love with three at once for so long.
All three of them are still shining, glowing, no more or less than the others.
The marks catch the bathroom light as he inspects them, a silver glow softly radiating from them.
They’re breathtaking. They’re darker without any form of light, but under the bathroom light they radiate and turn a tint of silver. Like they’re a form of printed gloss on his chest. Not as bright as the night sky, as a real galaxy, but enough to be so easily visible.
In the sunlight, the stars radiate a golden shine, but Donghyuck rarely ever gets to see it. Only when he’s back home with his family, when he doesn’t need to worry about his member’s eyes, doesn’t need to worry about the fans or the public catching sight of the marks.
It’s been a while since he’s been home. Longer since he’s had the courage to take off his shirt and let the marks see the daylight. The last time he did was back when he was on hiatus with his injury at home.
It’s just that three feels a little overwhelming. A little too much to want to admit. The fact that none of them have faded at all is just a painful reminder that he’s in over his head, loves three that won’t love him back — that no matter what, at the end of this, he’ll be the one heartbroken.
This is one of the rare times he takes to properly study the three stars. Johnny was asleep by the time Donghyuck returned from practice, so Donghyuck takes the quiet hours of solitude while he has them.
Usually he can ignore the marks. Just get a fleeting glance before he turns away from the mirror, throwing on a shirt as soon as he can after showering. Can brush aside the reminder that he loves three people.
It’s normal, now. He’s been in love for years. It’s becoming a familiar ache, and Donghyuck would rather spare himself the pain of lingering on it.
But today was hard.
Today was a reminder of just — too much. Too many reasons why he loves them, why his heart still manages to speed up around them, why his stomach swoops and his cheeks flush.
Just too many reminders he’s so in love, and it’s not getting any easier.
His fingers come up to trace the constellation he can make with the stars, a faint line that connects the three of them together.
All his nights of research about his marks have finally led him to a useful, obscure blog not too long ago. One that explains that the connecting lines become stronger as the love starts to intertwine, the longer he spends in love with all three of them.
Circling each star, he finds himself mouthing their names. He doesn’t dare say them aloud, not even the barest hint of a whisper — not with Johnny so close, even if he’s asleep.
“Jeno,” he mouths the name, his finger tracing the star that sits in the middle of the three. He then circles around to the other two, the tug of a sad, melancholic smile on his lips. “Renjun. Jaemin.”
Acknowledging their names seems to snap him out of his daze, reminding himself not to get lost in a fantasy. They’re nothing more than something personal for Donghyuck alone, to keep secret and locked away forever. His own personal shame, his own guilt.
What an idiot he is, he thinks. What an idiot to fall in love with three of his members.
He harshly tugs his shirt on, the marks fading from sight, the glow no longer reflecting in the mirror.
What good is a galaxy, anyway, when it can’t be appreciated? When he doesn’t want to hold these stars — and he’s not ashamed of loving them, never could be, but he’s ashamed in the way that he knows he shouldn’t.
The three of them never asked to have their stars on Donghyuck’s skin, to have any of them carry the weight of that, and Donghyuck won’t burden them with it.
He’s ashamed because if they see it, if they understand, it will bring nothing but guilt upon their relationships because they won’t feel the same — and Donghyuck will ruin them, because it’s already been hard enough to love one. To love another three is nothing but destruction for all of them.
Donghyuck is a galaxy, but he will destroy everything if he lets people know that. So he tugs the bottom of his shirt down, climbs into bed, and refuses to think about how ethereal the marks looked when glowing.
Renjun is not the first one he loves. Neither is Jaemin.
Jeno isn’t, either.
The first star on Donghyuck’s chest is Mark.
It’s since faded, the romantic feelings fading away entirely — they were both young back then, and Donghyuck didn’t try and stop himself from falling.
Mark is fun. Mark is gorgeous and sometimes kind of funny and kind-hearted, and they spend all too much time together when they first join as trainees. Donghyuck, a teenager who misses his home and his parents and his siblings, is apparently desperate to latch onto someone.
Mark is fun to tease especially. To rile him up, and Donghyuck is vindicated in the way he gets to see the perfect Mark Lee unravel. To see him finally learn what it is to be angry, to be frustrated, impatient — and to see the way Donghyuck can push boundaries like no one else can when it comes to him.
Donghyuck’s good at getting under people’s skin. He learned a lot from his own siblings, after all.
Donghyuck is someone that refuses to be ignored as well. He will take up all the space in the room because he can, because people like his bright energy and his mischief and quick wit, and he will thrive on it.
Mark learns to adapt to that. Donghyuck learns to be a little more considerate. They push and pull at each other, and they rely on each other for a lot.
The actual star appears one night, a slight tingling tracing over his chest while he’s in the practice room.
There’s rumours about a new group, and Donghyuck already knows Mark will be in consideration for it. Donghyuck’s hopeful that the company will stick to the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse group, because he loves all of them, but he’s a little worried about Mark now — he’s being pulled aside with some of the older trainees a fair amount, and Donghyuck’s a little stressed about it all.
Not that’d he’d admit that, of course. Donghyuck knows he’ll debut soon enough. Not just anyone passes the Saturday auditions, and certainly not then given their own personal name by Lee Sooman himself.
Still, he’s a little stressed about Mark debuting with another group before him. It wouldn’t feel right after everything, to be split up now after spending so long training together.
“You’re not meant to be here,” Donghyuck points out in greeting, because he’s a little startled at Mark’s appearance in the practice room. Donghyuck’s been sharing the room with Jaemin, Jisung and Jeno, but the three left a little earlier for food.
“Yeah, I know. I was around, told the others to head back so they’re not waiting. I figure you’ll be here a while,” Mark replies, easy as anything.
Mark goes to pass him a drink. A fruit smoothie type of concoction, and there’s a sheepish smile on his face as Donghyuck reaches out for it. “Sorry, no caffeine, but this should give you a bit of energy.”
That’s when the tingling starts over his heart, and Donghyuck barely grasps the drink before he almost drops it with surprise. Mark manages to save it, frowning at him.
“You good?” Mark asks, and Donghyuck tightens his hold on the drink.
The feeling has already passed. Just a slight tingling, almost on the side of burning, right over his heart. It’s not painful, but it’s certainly surprising.
“Yeah,” he forces himself to say, “yeah, of course. Thanks for this, Markie-hyung.”
Mark rolls his eyes at the fake saccharine dripping in Donghyuck’s tone. Their hands brush for a moment as they both readjust with the cup, and Donghyuck feels his chest warm up.
It’s strange, but Donghyuck forgets about it quickly. Mark stays with him as Donghyuck practices, joining in for some of it, and they head back to the dorms together. The warm feeling is still sitting in Donghyuck’s chest, but he doesn’t pay it too much attention.
When he gets back to the dorms, he strips down to go for a shower without even thinking about it. His eyes catch the mirror at the last second, and he almost yells with surprise.
A star. Right there on his chest, above his heart. Looks almost tattooed on, but the ink of it doesn’t look quite real, looks too fresh and shiny. Familiar to the ones he’s seen on his family.
It takes him a moment to realise, and then he drops his shirt in shock.
His first soulmark.
He immediately knows who this star represents, which is — fuck. Alright. Donghyuck suspected he isn’t entirely straight, but there’s no one else this star could be for, and now Donghyuck is suddenly faced with the very real evidence that he likes a guy.
Likes Mark.
He knows this isn’t the first time a trainee’s ever liked another — or in Donghyuck’s case, falling in goddamn love. He knows it was a gradual, slow thing. Growing without even realising to get to this point. So natural and easy, as being around Mark always is, that he didn’t even realise it.
Not until Mark’s star is shining right back at him, and the realisation is imprinted in his skin.
It’s not like some of them don’t date in secret, but Donghyuck’s seen dating scandals ruin trainees before. Quietly encouraged to leave for another company, their lineup changed around, a mystery around their sudden disappearance.
And Mark Lee is a lot of things, but no one, not even him, is currently worth Donghyuck’s dream. He wants to debut with SM, and knows he’s so close now. Mark’s too close, and Donghyuck won’t risk either of their chances.
Besides, he has to admit, it’s unlikely Mark will ever like him back. And if it were to happen — dating, when both of them are on the brink of debut, would be messy. They’re young, and they’re still prone to say stupid shit to each other, and Donghyuck isn’t going to risk messing with any group dynamic because of it.
So Mark Lee’s star sits on Donghyuck’s chest. It stays there through the time they learn about the concept of NCT. Through Renjun and Chenle arriving, both immediately pushed to train with them, and Donghyuck has a good feeling they’ll debut together too.
Stays on his chest as Mark debuts first. Then again — this time with Donghyuck and 127. Then they both debut once more with Dream: with Renjun, Jeno, Jaemin, Chenle and Jisung, just like Donghyuck always hoped for.
It’s easier to be silent about it. To keep his love for Mark a secret. Everything stays the same, because Donghyuck risks nothing. Doesn’t risk his career, his group, or his love to ever let the star engulf him.
It’s not worth the risk, and so Mark’s star silently sits as Donghyuck’s first ever love.
It’s clear that Jaemin’s back has been hurting lately.
None of them are the type to ask for breaks, determined to work hard and push through, but Jaemin’s body forces him to sit on the side with increasing frequency.
They all know about the old injury. It flared up sometimes as a trainee, but it’s never been this bad before.
It doesn’t get any better. Despite Jaemin’s constant treatments, his consistent stretching and delicate care of his back, it continues to deteriorate.
There’s a night where Jaemin’s got his head resting on Donghyuck’s lap, both of them watching some kind of drama in their dorm. Donghyuck’s got a hand resting on Jaemin’s back, slowly and carefully massaging into it where he can feel the tension.
Jaemin’s been so quiet Donghyuck thinks he’s asleep, or close to it, but suddenly Jaemin takes a breath and starts to quietly talk.
“It’s getting worse.”
The admission has Donghyuck’s stomach sinking. Jaemin doesn’t like talking about his injury, doesn’t like admitting how much he’s struggling with it. So for him to talk about it, the most open he’s ever been, means Donghyuck is suddenly overcome with dread.
“Then we’ll look after you,” Donghyuck resolutely says after a moment. They look out for each other, because that’s what they do. They’ve worked hard to get here, and Donghyuck won’t entertain the thought of one of them not being with them.
Jaemin turns his head up to look at Donghyuck. “They’re talking about extended therapy and treatments for it. A rest so I can recover and heal properly.”
“A rest?” Donghyuck asks, fingers stilling on Jaemin’s back. “How long?”
Jaemin turns again to face the screen. Donghyuck’s stomach hasn’t settled.
“Months. At the least,” Jaemin admits, and Donghyuck bites his bottom lip to stop his immediate protest.
He can’t imagine doing their first comeback without Jaemin beside them. He doesn’t want to.
But Jaemin’s injury isn’t getting better, and Donghyuck knows it.
Jaemin continues speaking. “Any more extreme stress might just push it to a point I can’t recover from. They’re saying it’s better to take time now to treat it, to go on a temporary hiatus. Better than being forced to ‘quietly leave’ the group when it becomes unmanageable in a couple years.”
The thought of it is unimaginable. Jaemin leaving only a couple years in, a few at best, unable to perform with them any longer. Donghyuck resumes his massaging, tumbling over thoughts in his mind until he finally settles on one.
“Then we’ll wait for you. You can rest and recover so that you can come back healed properly, and we’ll continue for a long time together, okay? You just have to promise you’ll heal and come back to us when you’re ready.”
Jaemin presses his face into Donghyuck’s thigh, taking a shuddery breath that Donghyuck pretends he doesn’t hear.
“I promise.” Jaemin’s voice is surprisingly steady as he says it, but it shows his conviction, his belief in the promise, in Donghyuck’s words.
Jaemin’s hand reaches back to rest over Donghyuck’s for a moment. It’s a shared moment where they’re both terrified — scared about the next comeback, worried one of them won’t be there, how long they won’t be there for.
Jaemin squeezes for just a second, and it’s a reminder. That he’ll do his best to get better and come back to them.
A week later, Jaemin announces he’s going on hiatus.
All Donghyuck can do is hope he keeps his promise.
At some point, it becomes unspoken with Mark.
They both know Donghyuck is in love with him.
Donghyuck doesn’t know when Mark figures it out. Maybe he always knew. Maybe he knew before the actual star ever appeared on Donghyuck’s chest.
It’s clear that they’re both aware of it, but neither will talk about it, and it becomes a quiet agreement. Donghyuck will not bring it up, because he knows Mark does not love him back like that. Mark will not bring it up for the same reason — and they both know there’s no changing Donghyuck’s feelings despite it.
It’s not brought up. It’s just how it is. Donghyuck is in love with Mark, and Mark is not in love with him, and that’s how it is. That’s how they both know it is, and they both say nothing about it.
Almost two years of this.
And then, as things tend to do, it all goes to shit.
There’s too much tension between them. Lingering arguments they won’t drop, because Donghyuck is petty but Mark is unforgiving at the worst of times.
And lately it’s always the worst of times between them.
Forced to train with almost two comebacks on top of each other, sharing a room and unable to escape each other, means that fighting becomes common. Tension is constantly high between them, only getting worse, and something is bound to give.
Turns out, it’s Mark that breaks their unspoken agreement.
Admittedly, looking back now, the night is a blur. Where they had 127 practice but Dream schedules the next day, and neither of them can stand each other any longer, bristling as they shared the same room.
The fight starts with petty arguments, bitter and snarky words. It usually stays that way.
Except Mark escalates it. Donghyuck knows he pushes him to it, that they’re both at fault for getting to a point they never should have.
“Fucking christ, Donghyuck!” Mark snaps, but Donghyuck is never one to back down, glaring at him from his bed. “Can you stop? I know you’re in love with me, but fuck! If this is how you show it, then good fucking luck getting anyone to ever love you back.”
Donghyuck goes cold. Mark yells it loud enough for at least the couple of rooms beside them to hear it, and Donghyuck feels his heart speed up with panic he barely contains.
It’s easy to push down the panic with anger, and so Donghyuck does. He bolts up from the bed, steps up in Mark’s space to push at his shoulders in a physical retaliation. Mark’s eyes are wide — and if Donghyuck was any less blindsided, he’d care about the way Mark’s clearly regretting his words, knowing he’s gone over the line.
Donghyuck doesn’t care. Not right now. Not when the others have heard Mark, when Mark has just thrown this back in his face.
And isn’t it so natural? That the person Donghyuck loves knows how to hurt him best.
Donghyuck lashes out, but he can’t think enough to strike back Mark where it properly hurts him too. He pushes at Mark’s shoulders again aggressively, his emotions a mess, just trying to physically expel them.
“You’re such a fucking asshole, Mark Lee!” Donghyuck yells right back. “You— fuck off. Just — that’s bullshit. That’s bullshit, you do not get to use that against me. I can’t control my own fucking feelings about you, and I thought you knew that, so why the fuck are you bringing it up now?”
Mark pushes right back, because both of them are so heated now that they’re not going to back down, even if they’re in the wrong.
There’s something here that’s broken, Donghyuck thinks. Something they’ve crossed that they shouldn’t have, and there’s no recovering from this now. Not tonight.
“Because you’re acting like this!” Mark refutes. Isn’t it funny, Donghyuck thinks — that he used to think it was funny to watch Mark get angry?
Maybe it’s finally his reckoning for all those times. Maybe Donghyuck deserves this for pushing so far.
Still, he argues. “You do not get to bring up my feelings for you to win a fight. I know you don’t love me back, but I can’t help it! And you do not get to say I will never be loved back by anyone— that’s just... Fuck you, Mark Lee. Get out of my fucking face. God, I fucking hate you.”
Mark shoves back, and Donghyuck’s blinded by anger. Before he can shove in return, there’s suddenly hands pulling them apart. Scolding both of them with authority as they separate the two of them.
“That is enough! Both of you!”
It’s not the first time they’ve been scolded. Not even their first fight broken up mid-argument this past month, which usually ends up with sulky and moody silences at each other for the rest of the night.
It is the first time hands pull Donghyuck completely out of the room, pulling him away from the fight entirely. He’s so angry that his vision is tunnelled with the sight of Mark, wanting to fight so badly, to have Mark understand just how much hurt he’s caused. To hurt him back.
The door shuts firmly, effectively breaking their vision of each other. Donghyuck’s tugging at whoever’s holding down his arms, stopping him from marching right back in.
“Sit down, Donghyuck-ah. That’s enough.” The voice commands, and he vaguely recognises that it’s Taeyong. Maybe it’s the instilled reaction in their group to the warning tone that has Donghyuck finally listening, letting the hands tug him down onto their couch.
Johnny’s the one who’s got Donghyuck’s arms in his grip. He’s not holding tightly — just securely, just enough that Donghyuck doesn’t get away. When Donghyuck sinks into the couch, the hold immediately eases up.
His fingers clench at the corner of the couch, anger coursing through him. Taeyong’s crouched before him, Johnny sitting beside him, and he won’t look at either of them.
He remembers seeing Jaehyun in their room, pulling Mark back. Doyoung slipped in at some point between them, and has stayed in that room with Mark.
Donghyuck, faintly, is angry that Mark gets Doyoung and Jaehyun with him.
It’s not like Donghyuck is too intimidated by the two flanking him, but when Taeyong steps in usually there’s a wicked scolding for Donghyuck, who usually says the nastier things out of the two. Which isn’t fair, because this time Donghyuck thinks Mark’s certainly the one more out of line.
And Johnny is fine, maybe a little unsure with him at times. Lingering from trainee days, where neither of them really ever knew how to interact. They’re getting closer, but it feels a little awkward to have him have to bodily remove Donghyuck from a fight.
Winwin, Yuta and Taeil are lingering outside of their rooms, Donghyuck catching sight of them in the hall. They go back in once they realise the others seem to have a handle on it, giving Donghyuck worried but reassuring looks. Their manager is lingering, unsure of if he should intervene.
Donghyuck’s really starting to realise how bad this fight is. Their fighting certainly isn’t uncommon lately, settling to a point where most of them seem to be used to their arguments — certainly annoyed, but just waiting for it to blow over for the night.
For all of them to be intervening, or ready to, means they all suspect this fight does not bode well. Donghyuck’s fingers clench tighter at the couch beneath him, the rush of wanting to fight slowly fading.
A hand reaches up, brushing against his cheek, and that’s when Donghyuck realises his eyes have been tearing up. He looks to see it’s Taeyong, who’s looking at him with a thoughtful expression.
Donghyuck feels exhausted, suddenly. The desire to fight has completely drained, and now all he feels is guilt for the situation.
“Sorry,” Donghyuck rasps out, because he knows they’re all tired. That they don’t need to deal with the stresses of this on top of everything. “I’m sorry we’re fighting.”
Taeyong shakes his head, hand patting his cheek before dropping. “We all fight, Haechannie. It comes with living and working together.”
“Not like this,” Donghyuck mutters, and Taeyong lets out a dry scoff. It’s much nicer than the usual treatment he gets after a fight, but he figures he probably looks incredibly pitiful, just one more harsh word from falling apart.
“Please, Doyoung and I go at each other all the time. I’ve fought with every person on this floor at least once,” Taeyong tells him, hands coming up to cover Donghyuck’s. “Fights happen, it’s normal.”
“For this long?” Donghyuck presses, because he knows it’s never been this bad before, and Taeyong looks thoughtful before he shrugs, not willing to confirm it.
“We usually have time to breathe, or give each other space, and talk it out the next day usually. You two haven’t had the chance, and I think space is what both of you desperately need now. I don’t think forcing you two to talk is going to help anyone.”
It sounds like an offer, and Donghyuck desperately nods his head, eager to agree. Even if Mark comes out and apologises today, tomorrow — within the week, Donghyuck knows he will not be able to respond well to it.
“Okay. We’ll sort something out for tonight.” He glances back at the manager, and they seem to have a silent conversation before Taeyong looks back. “Johnny-ah, do you mind taking Haechannie out? I can shout ice-cream for you.”
Johnny shakes his head. “It’s okay, I got it. Just worry about sorting it out here.”
Donghyuck’s hands come up to clench at Johnny’s shirt, suddenly panicking a little. He wasn’t expecting to leave the dorm, and he’s got his pyjamas on, entirely unprepared to go outside.
“Come on, you can find something to wear in our room,” Johnny answers, thankfully figuring out why Donghyuck is suddenly panicked. “We won’t be out long anyway.”
Johnny leads Donghyuck into his and Taeyong’s bedroom while Taeyong goes to speak to their manager. Johnny throws him one of his own hoodies, and one pair of Taeyong’s sweatpants, which is significantly better than Donghyuck’s pyjama shorts and loose shirt.
He’s quick to usher Donghyuck out of the dorms, the atmosphere growing heavier the longer they linger in it. Donghyuck hears Doyoung’s sharp tone as he passes the door, and resolutely turns his attention to Johnny.
There’s a convenience mart they frequent close to the dorms, and Johnny takes him there. Has Donghyuck pick out his ice-cream, pays for both of theirs, and they sit inside. It’s late, a couple of people still in the mart, but this isn’t the hour for people to be perceived.
Donghyuck’s aggressive as he eats his ice-cream, frustrated at the entire night and taking comfort in the treat. Johnny’s on his phone, probably messaging someone back at the dorms, so it’s quiet between them for a while.
Johnny breaks their silence first.
“You’ll be in your room with Jaehyun tonight. Mark’s with Doyoung,” he explains, putting his phone away.
He feels bad for displacing the two, but it’s probably for the best of everyone at this rate. He nods, knowing he’ll apologise later, pushing down the guilt festering inside of him.
“Taeyong’s not lying, by the way. We fight a lot, even if it’s… quieter than you two. We’ve all said things we regret,” Johnny continues to say, and Donghyuck tilts his head to show he’s listening as he strategically slows down with his ice-cream.
“And you’re right. Mark had no right saying what he did to you. It was uncalled for, and he shouldn’t have ever used something like that against you.” The words are a confirmation to Donghyuck that they heard everything, that they know Donghyuck’s in love with Mark.
Donghyuck takes a moment to consider the words. The night feels so long, the fight properly fading from his bones, and he sinks into his seat.
“Yeah. He shouldn’t have,” Donghyuck agrees, then falters. He takes a moment to consider his thoughts, then speaks. “But I’ve grown up with siblings, and I know what it’s like to just lash out and make the other hurt because you’re tired of them. I know he doesn’t mean it.”
The words are a surprise to himself — he didn’t realise how true they are until he says them aloud. He knows Mark never meant what he said, doesn’t believe it himself, even if the words strike some deep, awful fear and insecurities of Donghyuck’s own making.
Mark knows how to make him hurt, so that’s what he did. Even if he didn’t believe in the truth of it.
“That doesn’t make it okay,” Johnny replies, and Donghyuck sighs, putting down the rubbish of his ice-cream onto the table.
He feels tears building again, and he presses his sweater-pawed covered hands to his eyes to stop it. Johnny gives him the time to recover patiently, just calmly drumming his fingers on the table in a way that soothes Donghyuck.
“If it makes you feel any better,” Johnny says quietly, voice a bit lighter, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen Jaehyun so pissed. I don’t think Taeyong’s even going to get the chance to get to Mark tonight to scold him for this.”
Donghyuck’s heart aches just a little. Maybe it’s because after almost two years of keeping this secret, of having it unspoken between himself and Mark. To suddenly have it all explode tonight has frayed so many nerves, making him feel exposed and raw.
“I’m the one that kept pushing him though,” Donghyuck says, and Johnny’s mouth twists, fingers pausing.
“Honestly, both of you have been pushing at each other. Hell, both of you together has been testing our patience. And yet regardless, Mark still shouldn’t have said that.”
Donghyuck huffs, fingers pulling apart the wrapping of the ice-cream. Johnny resumes the tapping on the table. “You said you know Mark doesn’t mean it, but I want to make sure you know this. That you shouldn’t ever apologise for who you love, and that someone will love you for you, so don’t change yourself to try. You’re loved, Donghyuck-ah. So, so loved.”
Donghyuck thinks of his little brother, suddenly. Of his star sitting on his brother’s chest, shining brightly with his family. The kind of love that’s rarer to see on skin, and Donghyuck treasures it.
But he thinks of the rest of his family, too. Of his friends. He’s not loved any less just because he can’t see it.
“I swear to god, hyung, if you make me cry again in this goddamn mart I will pulverise you,” Donghyuck whines, palms pressing to his cheeks, trying to convince himself not to cry again. He’s swung so wildly tonight from emotion to emotion, and he’s ready to just call it quits on today.
“Mhm,” Johnny hums, amused. Donghyuck knows Johnny is just biting on the reply of I’d like to see you try and reach me you little shit.
Instead, Johnny just glances at his phone and sighs, standing up. “Come on, you have schedules tomorrow with Dream, don’t you?”
“Just practice,” Donghyuck replies, shrugging it off as he stands up as well. It won’t be too tiring — and the two will probably avoid each other the whole time, using the rest of the members as a buffer between them.
It won’t be the first time they’ve dealt with high tensions between them, but it’s a first for Donghyuck to feel so angry. Now that it’s gone without Mark in front of him, all that remains is just bitter, awful disappointment.
Dream will know something’s up, but Donghyuck’s secret has already been found out by too many tonight, and the thought of more is just too tiring to consider. They can speculate, but Donghyuck won’t be the one to reveal it.
They head back to the dorms, Donghyuck pulling the hood over his hair. He enjoys the red dye, but right now he's feeling a little too visible, too vulnerable, and he sticks close to Johnny as they walk back.
Their manager greets them at the door, and Donghyuck feels guilty for the tired lines he can see on his face.
The manager waves him off before Donghyuck can even apologise, already explaining the situation to him. "You're with Jaehyun tonight in your room, if Johnny didn't tell you already. For now it's a permanent switch, and we'll see how we go. Get some rest, Haechan-ah."
Donghyuck, tired to the bones and wanting to escape the heavy lingering atmosphere, complies easily. Johnny ruffles his hair and gives him an encouraging thumbs up as Donghyuck carefully opens his door, just in case Jaehyun is asleep.
It's strange. Most of Mark's stuff is still in their room, but Jaehyun's phone and phone charger are plugged in. Jaehyun's got his own pillow in his lap as he’s sitting up, obviously waiting for Donghyuck.
"Hello roommate," Donghyuck quietly greets, all the while belatedly realising he's accidentally left Johnny and Taeyong's clothes on. But they're comfortable, so Donghyuck is going to stay in them tonight, because damnit he's had a hell of a night and deserves the comfort.
"Hey Haechannie," Jaehyun greets, a warm smile on his face. "How was the ice-cream?"
It's weird, to put it lightly. Everything just feels weird, but Donghyuck's determined not to think about Mark right now, so he plays along. "Johnny-hyung bought it, so of course it was excellent."
He climbs into bed, and Jaehyun is quiet beside him as they both settle to sleep. Donghyuck has to be up earlier, and he tepidly sets the alarm a little later than normal. Less time where he might run into Mark.
"Donghyuck-ah," Jaehyun whispers, the use of his full name making him alert. He waits for Jaehyun to speak, who takes his cue. "I love you."
Donghyuck's cheeks warm, and he waves an embarrassed hand around like that'll expel some of his sudden energy. "Ah hyung," he whines, "you can't do this to my poor heart."
He considers making it a joke. Ah hyung, don't you know? Maybe your star will end up here too if you act like that, jeez. The words stop in his throat, and he forcefully rolls over, turning away from Jaehyun.
Jaehyun laughs softly. "Goodnight, Haechannie. Sleep well."
"Goodnight hyung," Donghyuck says, then pauses.
Waits a moment.
"Love you too."
The next day, Dream picks up on their tension immediately.
Donghyuck suspects one of the hyungs has given someone a heads up, because they don't seem too surprised at the situation. Their choreographer doesn't either, but it's no one's place to meddle right now, and so they move onto practice.
The rest of Dream keeps up friendly conversation and laughter, and Donghyuck joins in easily, avoiding Mark's general presence.
And then there's a part in the choreography — a part Donghyuck doesn't even think about until it's only a few seconds away, where his hand brushes Mark's shoulder. He's reluctant to do it, hand only lightly brushing Mark's shoulder and not properly putting down weight.
There's a lurch in his chest. Nausea that threatens to rise, bubbling in his stomach, and he can feel the way he pales. He doesn't let it falter his steps for the rest of the song, but he feels Jeno's eyes on him as they finish up, looking for something.
The practice isn't long, so there's only a short break in the middle. Jeno beelines for him immediately, even though it's been a bit of time now since Donghyuck's moment when touching Mark, and Donghyuck braces himself.
"You good?" Jeno asks him, a furrow to his brows. "What happened there?"
"Nothing," Donghyuck plays off, acting confused. "What do you mean?"
"When you touched Mark. Did it hurt?" Jeno presses, and Donghyuck is now properly confused.
"What do you mean ‘did it hurt’? I'm just touching his shoulder, Jeno-yah," he replies, folding his arms.
Jeno's eyes narrow, then he seems to realise something. "Oh, you... don't know?" His voice is lowered, considerate, making sure the others aren't overhearing. "Rejected romantic soulmarks can become painful if you physically touch them so soon."
Donghyuck whirls back, surprised. Then he glares, suddenly ready to start a war with someone, focusing on one part of Jeno's admission. "Who told you about the soulmark?"
Jeno tilts his head, then winces. "No one. I just... kind of figured. A while ago. And Doyoung-hyung warned me you two had a fight so bad you've changed rooms, and to expect the worst between you, so I... kind of assumed that something that bad would really only be if Mark-hyung addressed it and it didn't go over well."
It turns into a question at the end — Jeno suddenly unsure of his own interpretation. Donghyuck can refute it. Wouldn't have to admit he got rejected by Mark, that all the hyungs found out, and it's such a big mess because Donghyuck's got Mark's star on his chest.
In love. What an embarrassment.
Instead of refuting though, Donghyuck shifts a little on his feet and continues to glare. Seems everyone's figured out Donghyuck's secret anyway.
Jeno seems to know he's got his affirmation, though he now looks guilty for jumping to the conclusion so fast. "Okay, well, I'll ask again. Are you good?"
It's not fair, Donghyuck thinks. It's not fair that he's the one with a soulmark that doesn't love him back, a star on his chest that shouldn't exist — something that managed to screw up his friendship with Mark.
It's not fair that Donghyuck has to suffer even more because of it. He's heard before about soulmarks that have been denied, the star aching with the pain of rejection, but he's pushed it to the back of his mind.
He just didn't expect Mark to throw it in his face after so many years of being silent about it. Not with Mark's quiet expectation that Donghyuck will grow out of it, that they can move on from it without ever speaking about it.
His hands squeeze his arms, annoyed. "I'm not touching him again," he answers stubbornly. Jeno nods, accepting that's Donghyuck's solution, and it's his to deal with.
Jeno will always do his best to sit passively with a fight between any of them. To remain the middle ground, reassuring and comforting for both sides, but also stern and assertive when called for it. He doesn't want his own interactions with the members impacted by others fighting, and Donghyuck respects that.
It's easy to slip the move out of practice at least. He can tell their choreographer is about to make a comment, and Donghyuck's hand comes up to pat at his own chest.
It must be so obvious to everyone, Donghyuck thinks. Their choreographer's eyes lower to his chest, then light up with understanding. So, so painfully obvious if even their choreographer can see it.
Thankfully any comments about the movement are passed by without saying a thing. The practice finishes up, and their manager gathers them to talk about their schedule for the music show appearance the next day.
Donghyuck and Mark end up walking to their dorm together, after being dropped off by a manager. They both put in their earphones and refuse to acknowledge each other.
It works just fine for Donghyuck.
The next time Mark tries to talk to him is the following day, when they're headed back to the dorms after finishing with the music show.
They have an agreement with their manager that though it might be easier, they won't stay in the Dream dorm while promoting. They'd have to share a room, or displace the others, and neither of them are willing to do those things.
And even though Jaemin's bed is free, Donghyuck doesn't feel quite right sleeping there. So the two of them remain with the hyungs.
Mark doesn't even wait until they're back at the dorm, obviously fired up and burning with it, desperate to release his frustration.
"What the fuck was that, Donghyuck-ah?" He snaps, both of them sitting near the back of the van. Though Mark tries to be quiet so their manager won't overhear, the tone is so sharp it cuts through the air.
It falls into silence, and anger is quick to rise beneath Donghyuck's skin.
"It was me keeping my space," he replies back, knowing why Mark’s snapping at him. There's a lilt in his tone that suggests it's a joke, but it's too sharp and jagged to be anything other than a bitter one.
"Fine, I get you doing it in practice. But you can’t just change the choreo on stages because you’re angry. Fans will notice, what the fuck are you thinking? You know when we perform on stage to hide any actual feelings you have up there. You leave your anger behind, or you hide it, you absolute dumbass."
Donghyuck whirls on him immediately. "I smiled and I performed, don't you worry your stupid, arrogant head about that. I just didn't want to touch your shoulder, and so I didn't."
Donghyuck knows why he's so angry. Performance comes above everything, especially to Mark. It shouldn't ever matter what's happened off-stage, because on the stage you perform. You hide everything wrong, and you show the fans the best performance you can.
But Donghyuck's suffered enough hurt, and right now he doesn't care. It's selfish, but he's putting himself first for this — above the performance, because Donghyuck would rather not suffer a wave of nausea on stage.
If he pales again, will it be noticeable? Will fans be able to figure out why he looks unwell the moment he touches Mark?
He'd rather the fans think they're fighting for any possible reason, because it's better than confirming the real one.
Mark's eyes narrow dangerously at Donghyuck's tone. "Hey. You do not get to act like that on stage."
"Mark-hyung..." Renjun says quietly, turning in his seat with a worried frown, but trails off at Donghyuck's shake of his head. This is their fight, and he doesn't want to get the others involved.
"Well I already have," Donghyuck pettily replies, angry that these are Mark's first words to him after their fight. "So I do, because I'm not touching you."
"It's part of the choreography," Mark retorts. Donghyuck can feel the tension rising, the danger of one of them exploding again. “You don’t get to just change it because you’re being petty.”
Donghyuck takes a deep breath. "I don't care. I'm not touching you. It hurts to, because you're a fucking asshole and you've hurt me enough. So get fucked, Mark Lee."
Mark goes to reply, but Jeno reaches out and places a hand on his arm. It's a warning. If Mark speaks now, he might regret it again.
Donghyuck's already regretting his harsh words and swearing at Mark, but he’s not going to be the first to apologise. He folds his arms and sinks in his seat, turning away from Mark to signal he's done with the fight.
Mark huffs, obviously not done, but a stormy silence takes over the van anyway. They're dropped off first, their manager giving them a worried glance, but the two of them ignore each other as they say goodbye.
Jaehyun asks how their performance went, and Donghyuck tells him to go find out through Twitter. Jaehyun gives him a bemused look, but drops the topic easily.
The next day, after their performances, Jaemin messages him while they're headed home. It's a little livelier, the others talking, placing themselves between Mark and Donghyuck in the van.
#markhyucksummerfight is the message, and Donghyuck snorts at his phone. Jaemin sends through another one. What's up with that?
He knows Jaemin must be feeling left out. Not even up to date on a fight so big it's become noticeable to fans through the choreography, and Donghyuck texts back you free to call in like an hour?
Yep! Give me all the gossip, Jeno's so bad at updating me on the fun stuff~
Donghyuck affectionately rolls his eyes even if Jaemin can't see it. At least you're not subject to his 'I'm disappointed my friends are fighting' looks.
Ouch is Jaemin's reply to that. Yeah, makes this break worth it to avoid that.
They both know it's not even the slightest bit true, but Donghyuck plays along. I'm jealous. alright, got to go. will call in an hour!
He washes up quickly as he’s eager to talk to Jaemin. Between all the comebacks and schedules, he hasn't really had the time to talk to him as much as he'd like. Not one-on-one, at least. Jaemin sends them good luck texts in the groupchat for every stage they do, and Donghyuck always replies with a heart, but that's the most it's been for weeks.
Jaehyun's out of the room at the moment, out for the night with some friends apparently. It’s a little surprising, but Donghyuck's thankful for the timing of it.
When Donghyuck talks to Jaemin, he realises just how much he's missed him. Doing their first comeback without a member was hard, but Donghyuck tried not to linger on it, tried to remember the promise. They video call, and seeing Jaemin — with dark hair, resting on his bed, looking healthier and better — lifts something from Donghyuck's shoulders.
Because Jeno probably missed mentioning most of the actual fun things, he catches Jaemin up on some of the funnier, more light-hearted antics between them. It's so good to hear Jaemin laugh, then fail to try and smother it in the late hour, and Donghyuck feels the best he has in weeks.
Eventually though, Jaemin prompts him to talk about the fight. Donghyuck sighs, thinking it all over.
"You know, I don't think any of Dream knows what we actually said during the fight. It was... Pretty brutal. We both set out to hurt each other, it's just that Mark did a better job for once." Donghyuck's laugh is dry.
"Are you going to forgive him?"
"Never," Donghyuck solemnly says, and Jaemin lets out a breath of laughter. They both know Donghyuck can hold a grudge, but he'll likely forgive Mark within — well, a month at latest. Probably.
"You don't have to if he hurt you, you know. I mean, I'd say it's for the best in the team that you do, but don't forgive him just because you're expected to. Do it because you feel ready to."
Donghyuck looks at Jaemin's serious gaze. It's heavy and imploring, and Donghyuck takes a moment to recover by staring out at the wall.
"Yeah. I mean... I definitely said some things too. We were at each other's necks for days before the actual..." Donghyuck makes an explosion motion with his hands to symbolise the rest of his sentence.
Jaemin remains quiet, and Donghyuck knows it's his tactic of getting Donghyuck to reveal more, and dammit. It works, even though he's all too aware of how cunning the tactic is.
"Um, it's... He told me to stop, which is fair because we were bickering. Then he kind of said he knows I'm in love with him, but with the way I was acting that no one would ever love me back."
Jaemin's inhale is a quiet, sharp noise. Donghyuck hurries to remedy it, even though the anger of Mark saying it is still burning in his chest. "I mean, I was definitely at my worst, so maybe he has a point. But I'd like to say I know he's wrong, because excuse me, how could anyone not love me?"
It's clear Jaemin's still angry at hearing the words, and there's a spark of shameful vindication about it. Jaemin's not one to get involved in fights either, so Donghyuck's a little pleased that Jaemin's so riled up for him.
But Donghyuck's also just tired. Tired of the whole fight, even though he's not ready to talk to Mark. He just doesn't want Jaemin and Mark to be awkward with each other.
"We'll sort it out, Jaeminnie. Don't worry, Mark will grovel to me at some point. Probably when he stops being pissed about the choreography changes." Donghyuck shrugs. "The Markhyuck summer fight will be nothing but a distant joke soon enough."
Jaemin seems to understand Donghyuck wants him to back down, so he cracks a smile and runs a hand through his hair, loosening the tense points in his shoulders. "Honestly, it's already pretty funny."
Donghyuck grins. "Send me the best comments. The more ridiculous the better. Maybe I'll print them out and stick them on his door."
"Who's his roommate now?" Jaemin asks, not surprised they're split.
"Doyoungie. I've got Jaehyun all to myself. He's more handsome, and pays for my meals more. I don't know why I even bothered falling in love with Mark honestly. I could obviously be living better for cheaper."
Jaemin snorts, but Donghyuck catches something flicker in Jaemin's expression. He's not fast enough to understand what it is though, but it unsettles him a little, especially as Jaemin smooths it over so well it becomes untraceable.
Jaemin's good at redirecting his conversation, and that's what he does before Donghyuck can question him. They talk a bit more — about how Jaemin's handling at home, what his treatments are like, what the therapists say.
"It's on the right track, so they're hopeful. I probably won't... be able to return for a while still."
Donghyuck's heart sinks. "You mean not even this year?"
Jaemin shakes his head. "No. But there's only, well, three months of this year left. That's not a lot! Just you wait, I'll turn 18 and come back super handsome and pretty to make up for it."
Donghyuck doesn't doubt it. Jaemin already is — the time off has done him well. He looks rested, but still gorgeous. Unfairly attractive, and it's becoming more obvious everytime Donghyuck sees him.
"And healthy," Donghyuck stresses, and Jaemin smirks.
"Of course. But mostly hot," he replies, just to annoy Donghyuck.
"Yeah, you wish, Nana."
His door opens, and Jaehyun peeks his head in. "Jaemin?" He mouths to Donghyuck, who nods. He's fond as he watches Jaehyun light up with excitement, stepping into their room properly to get in the camera's view.
"Jaemin-ah! I hope you're resting well and doing okay," Jaehyun greets, waving. Jaemin waves back eagerly, happy to see another member.
"I am! I'll be back soon, just you wait," Jaemin promises, and Jaehyun grins.
"I don't doubt it."
Jaemin's attention is drawn suddenly to something off screen, and it takes him a few moments before he looks back at it, a sheepish smile on his face.
It's the typical parental scolding Donghyuck's familiar with the look of, so he grins and waves at Jaemin. "Hey, you need to keep resting well if you're coming back soon. Go to sleep, okay? Let's talk later."
Jaemin, relieved he doesn't need to say his reason for leaving, quickly agrees. They share goodbyes, and Donghyuck reminds himself to message Jaemin a lot more frequently. He can tell it meant a lot to Jaemin to be caught up on what's been happening, and he's determined to keep Jaemin as involved and happy as possible.
Donghyuck feels better than he has in days. Jaehyun smiles fondly at him at one point, and Donghyuck realises he's been endlessly smiling since the call — probably the happiest he's been since the roommate switch.
Donghyuck hauls his pillow at Jaehyun just so he doesn't have to deal with how fond Jaehyun looks. Jaehyun, always quick to join his antics, quickly makes it an all-out pillow fighting war.
And it's not like he truly believed Mark's words, but there's definitely something that's been sitting heavily in Donghyuck's stomach since he's said them. It eases up with the comfort of others, and by the time he falls asleep, Donghyuck barely feels that heavy weight at all.
Everything comes to a bit of a head when they almost fight on stage.
They're snarkier with each other from the moment they see each other in the morning. Donghyuck's chest has felt sore, almost like it's bruised. A quick look in the mirror shows that the star is dull — but it's still too much of a reminder that he's got his love for Mark so clearly to see, that Mark doesn't want it.
Mark's been stressed out, more than usual. Usually when Donghyuck sees him in these moods he's the first to try and comfort him, pull him out of them even if only for a little bit, but now the fight has only escalated that stress.
Mark’s brief touch against his arm when they walked on stage had sent a painful twinge to his chest, but he pushed it down quickly. Both fired up, Donghyuck focused on putting that energy into his performance, refusing to look near Mark at all.
They get off stage, Donghyuck's frustration still burning, but slightly dulled with the adrenaline of the performance. Jeno immediately steps between them, making sure they don't go at each other when there's so many around.
Renjun's taken to talking to him, sticking by his side as they get changed from their performance outfits. Takes to sitting next to him in the van on their way back to their hotel in Jeju, giving Donghyuck one of his earphones.
They’re flying back later tonight, so Donghyuck doesn’t have the time to go home. He’s upset about it, so close to his family but not able to see them.
"Hey, how about you, Jeno and I go out for a quick dinner?" He offers, quiet enough that no one else can catch it. "Actually, that's not an offer. You're coming out with us."
Donghyuck groans for the sake of it, but agrees very quickly. They're sitting near the front, so Renjun leans forward and talks to the manager. Their manager sighs, already stressed out because of the whole fight, but Renjun's good at getting what he wants with him.
At least Donghyuck's not the only guilty one for failing to hide his emotions on stage. There goes Mark's argument of always showing the best to the fans.
The manager drops the rest of them off at the hotel. Jeno, Renjun and Donghyuck go to clamber out as well, but the manager offers to take them to a place if it's closeby.
Renjun and Jeno seem to already have a plan, so they let the manager know. Donghyuck knows the restaurant, but it's been a while since he's last eaten there, so he's fairly excited.
Jaemin sends through a text. A screenshot of a preview photo, taken right in the midst of Donghyuck gesturing, with Mark very obviously getting pissed off and ready to argue.
He hits the call button before he even thinks twice. Jaemin picks up immediately.
"You two are in trouble~" Jaemin greets with a sing-song voice, and Donghyuck snorts as he puts him on speaker.
"Sure, but that's a problem for later. Say hi to Jeno-yah and Injunnie," he says, and they share warm greetings.
"What are you guys doing?" Jaemin asks, the curiousity clear in his tone.
"We're holding a grief counselling session. R.I.P to one of us, the 00 line, but he's been dead a while now."
"We don't miss him, but grief counselling sessions makes us sound pitiful. It allows us to get away with murder, or in this case, almost fighting a member up on stage in front of a whole crowd," Renjun joins in, and their manager sighs heavily. "So like, R.I.P to whatever that guy's name was, but his death was useful."
"Definitely haven't gotten away with it," their manager mumbles, but none of them pay him any mind now.
"How did I die?" Jaemin prompts.
"Chenle, probably," Renjun answers, to which Jaemin gives a contemplative hum.
"As long as it was an act of love, then I'm cool with it," he finally declares, apparently satisfied with their little storyline for him.
They arrive at the restaurant, their manager saying he’ll pick them up so they can go back to the hotel in time. Thanking him, they head into the restaurant, and Donghyuck switches the phone to his ear as the other two sort out getting a table.
"I'm pretty sure this is an intervention," Donghyuck whispers frantically to Jaemin, "like, Jeno-yah's about to give me the sad puppy eyes for today. He was pissed, but now I think he's just upset, and that sucks."
"Let them give it," Jaemin advises, and Donghyuck groans. "They just saved your ass from Mark. You two do need to sort out your shit. Like I said, you don't need to forgive, but you two need to work out where you stand with each other. You need to talk to each other, to at least sort it out to a point you can work together. I doubt Mark wants it to be like this either anyway."
Donghyuck groans again, louder and longer. Jaemin tuts at him.
He thinks, suddenly, that even though Jaemin isn't here to be physically in the middle of the fight, it's still impacting him. Here's Donghyuck and Mark, getting so wound up that they're ready to fight on stage, when Jaemin's desperately just trying to recover so he can step back up there with them.
Donghyuck realises he's taking the stage for granted, and he sighs. "Yeah. You're right."
Jaemin almost chokes on his surprise. "I'm — what?"
Donghyuck shrugs into open air. Renjun and Jeno pull him towards a table. He takes a seat, ready to get this whole thing over with. "You're right. It seems like it goes to shit with one of us missing. So you better hurry up and be with us soon, okay?"
Donghyuck's pretty sure he faintly hears Jaemin whispering what the fuck to himself, apparently still reeling. He collects himself fairly quickly, giving an affirmative grunt. "Yeah. I'll recover well and come back. Please try not to kill each other in the meantime."
"I can't promise that~" Donghyuck mimics the tone Jaemin used when he picked up the call, and Jaemin laughs. They say goodbye, and Donghyuck hangs up to give his full attention to the other two, sitting on the same side of the table.
Definitely an intervention.
"Can we order first?" Donghyuck asks, reaching for a menu anyway. "Like, we'll talk and all, but just after I decide what I'm getting."
Jeno looks like he might argue it, but Renjun stops him by grabbing a menu as well. "Are we sharing meals?"
"We always share," Jeno answers, looking over Renjun's shoulder to see what he wants. He picks it out, and Donghyuck faintly realises that it's Jaemin's favourite meal.
Renjun shares a glance with Donghyuck, realising the same thing, but both of them stay quiet. Jeno’s been missing Jaemin a lot, that much is clear to see already.
They pick out their own meals, debating for a bit with side dishes, then finally decide to order.
They get their drinks, and it's as much time as they're willing to give Donghyuck. He settles back in his seat, waiting for the inevitable conversation.
"So," Jeno says, starting it off. "You two really, really need to talk to each other."
Donghyuck glowers. "Yeah, well. Everytime we talk, we argue."
Renjun shakes his head. "No. You're both looking to argue from the start. You're only 'talking' so that you can argue."
"I don't want to argue with him. I don’t want to talk, either."
Renjun sighs. "Yeah, but he wants to talk. He want to apolo—"'
Renjun cuts himself off, and Donghyuck realises why.
"Oh good, so he's talking about our fights with everyone, is he? That's great, love everyone getting dragged in."
Jeno rolls his eyes. "We're already dragged in, Donghyuck-ah. You two have been going at each other's necks for like two weeks now. We're tired of it, by the way. It sucks to see you guys hurting each other like this."
Guilt festers in Donghyuck's chest, and he pushes it down as best as he can. "He could stop hurting me by not being an asshole."
"You're also being an asshole," Renjun points out, "You won't even let him speak. You argue back with everything he says, even when he's being calm about it. He wants to apologise because that's the right thing to do."
"You don't have to accept the apology," Jeno continues, "but... Mark doesn't really know what else to do. You won't hear it, or anything else he says, so he thinks you won't forgive him. He thinks you’re just looking for a fight instead."
Maybe Donghyuck is looking for a fight. Maybe it's just easier.
They let the silence settle over them while Donghyuck lets the words sink in. Renjun's always been good at calling him out on his shit, but now Jeno's stepped in to do the same, and Donghyuck knows he needs to start reassessing.
Donghyuck sighs finally. "Listen, I get why he snapped after so long of this." He gestures to his own chest. "I know he feels guilty because he... doesn't like me the same way, which is fine, I thought we were past that already. But it's probably been eating at him for years now with all that guilt, so it’s been building up, and I understand it was a matter of time before it kind of blew up."
Jeno and Renjun's mouths twist unhappily. So Donghyuck continues, trying to explain it. "Neither of us can control the soulmarks, right? But because he doesn't return my feelings, Mark would be heavily burdened by that. So I understand why he said it."
"Donghyuck-ah," Jeno starts, a hint of worry in his tone, "it's not a burden to be loved."
"Isn't it?" Donghyuck asks, but it's rhetorical. A bitter smile twists his own lips.
"No," Renjun states firmly, hands clasping over Donghyuck's for a moment on the table. "Donghyuck-ah, love isn't a burden."
"It is," Donghyuck refutes, hands slipping out from Renjun's grasp. "You can't tell me it isn't. Not when Mark's obviously been building up with guilt and pity for me, when neither of us can control this. It's not his fault he's on my chest, but he feels the blame of it all the same. How is that not a burden?"
"God, Donghyuck-ah," Jeno huffs, frustrated, "it's not a burden to be loved by you. Your love is not a burden. Mark never should've used it against you."
"But it's being used against him no matter what. Besides, it's his to use, I guess," Donghyuck says, shrugging, sinking down in his seat at the admittance. The star on his heart is Mark's — and if anyone has a right to use it against Donghyuck, it's him.
He can tell Jeno and Renjun are about to scold him, so he sighs. "Fine. I do want Mark to apologise, but not for the reasons he thinks he should. I know he didn’t mean what he said, so whatever. I know he snapped because I’d been annoying, and the guilt of the whole thing built up too much.”
Renjun scowls a little at him. “Just because he didn’t mean it doesn’t mean he shouldn’t apologise.”
Donghyuck waves him off, barreling on. “I want him to apologise, but only because he brought up the whole thing. It was going fine when we were both ignoring it, because we could pretend it wasn't there. But Mark's gone and ruined that, and now we both have to acknowledge that I'm in love with him, and now it hurts when he touches me because he's technically rejected me and that sucks."
“Ignoring it isn’t fair to you,” Jeno says sadly, “you don’t get any closure from that.”
Donghyuck shrugs. “Yeah, but it was easier to just ignore it. So I wish he never brought it up, because now we can’t.”
Renjun holds up two fingers. "Okay, so going by your stupid logic, then at minimum he has to apologise for two things. Having that go at you when he should've known better about the touching in the choreography is now definitely included, right?"
Donghyuck lifts his coke to take a sip, swirling it around to annoy Renjun a little. "Honestly, he probably forgot about that. I know I did until it actually happened."
Mark would never hurt Donghyuck intentionally like that. Jeno’s eyes suddenly widen for a moment, then he turns to Donghyuck. “He touched your arm today. He definitely should apologise for that.”
“I’m telling you, he just forgot. It’s hard to remember you’re inflicting pain when you’re not feeling it. Besides, it barely hurt,” Donghyuck answers, brushing it off.
Renjun huffs, rolling his eyes. “God, we know Mark didn’t mean to, but the fact is, Donghyuck-ah, he still did. So he should apologise for that as well, but maybe talk about it and remind him, because he’s obviously forgotten.”
Donghyuck rubs at his temples. “I only want the apology for bringing it up at all. I know he didn’t mean any of the rest, so I don’t want apologies for that because it’s already forgiven or whatever. I don’t want to hear him try and apologise for those comments and the fact he doesn’t like me back.”
“You’re so goddamn insufferable,” Renjun sighs, leaning back in his seat. “You two are the goddamn worst.”
“Well, at least we’ve established what you want an apology for,” Jeno says, a lot livelier. “And I mean, you still don’t have to accept it, but you two really need to get on the same page here. At this rate even so it’s just to prevent further incidents on stage.”
"And you should probably apologise about snapping at him every time he talks when you’re up for that. You’re not even giving either of you the chance to fix this, because you prefer to ignore it and not deal with it. Also, honestly, apologise to yourself. Because what the hell were you going to do if Mark never brought it up? Just hold onto some kind of false hope forever?" Renjun cuts in, obviously tired of Donghyuck wanting an apology but not wanting to hear it.
"Renjun," Jeno warns, and Renjun purses his lips but settles.
Donghyuck's a little miffed at being called out so directly, but he's saved from having to reply by the food coming out.
Immediately, Donghyuck helps himself to some of Renjun's meal. Because damn him, now Donghyuck's contemplating his words — wondering just what it is he hoped to achieve by holding onto Mark. How long he would've let himself live in that false hope.
He knows Mark would never love him back, not like that, but it was easier to pretend. To live in that inbetween, without Mark ever properly rejecting him. Just holding onto a flame and hoping he didn't get burned.
Renjun lets him take his food with only minimal fuss, because it's also Donghyuck's way of saying he's not too pissed about Renjun's words. Just contemplative. Confused, maybe.
In turn, Renjun steals from his plate. Jeno's able to direct the conversation into other topics fairly easily, and thankfully the rest of their meal is light and fun, and Donghyuck feels the stress of the day ease away with the laughter between them.
Their manager comes to pick them up, smiling at their joyous mood. He doesn't give any indication that he's going to tell off Donghyuck for the day's actions, so Donghyuck feels himself relax as they settle into the car.
"Hey, stay in our dorm tonight when we fly back," Renjun says, and Donghyuck glances over at him. "I mean, you have no schedules tomorrow, right? And either Mark's asleep or he'll just be pissed, so it's better you two take the night away anyway. You can talk to each other tomorrow."
So they fly the short flight back, and Donghyuck stays the night at the Dream dorm, crashing in Renjun and Jeno's room. He squeezes himself into Renjun's bed easily, both of them all too used to it, limbs draped over each other comfortably.
The next day, Donghyuck doesn't see Mark. He texts him, the name 'Mark Hateful' staring tauntingly at his phone, and asks to talk.
He had seen the name on Mark’s phone, right around the time when he had really started to ignore Mark. It had hurt seeing the contact name, but Donghyuck had been vindictive, doing the same to his.
Mark sends back now you want to talk?
Donghyuck frowns down at his phone, and Renjun looks over his shoulder to glance at the conversation. Renjun groans, hitting his head.
"Idiot. Fuck, he's as petty as you sometimes," he huffs.
Yes. Donghyuck replies.
Not today. I'm busy. Is Mark’s reply, and Donghyuck scoffs.
"Well, fuck you then," Donghyuck tells his phone, exiting out of the conversation. He'll ask Mark to talk again later — when he's not as wound up because of the performance, which has obviously left him very pissed off.
"Leave it. He'll calm down, you know that." Renjun puts an arm around his shoulders. "Come on, let's order something to eat."
While Donghyuck is with Renjun and Jeno, they end up doing a VLive together at the manager's request. The frustration of his short conversation bleeds into the video, where he talks about Mark's nickname for him.
When they finish up, Renjun levels him with a judgemental gaze. "I thought you wanted to talk to him?”
“Well, now he doesn’t want to talk to me, so,” Donghyuck shrugs helplessly, but the bitterness in his tone bleeds through. Renjun sighs heavily.
“I hate you two, I truly do,” Renjun complains, rubbing his forehead with frustration. “God, whenever one of you wants to fix it, the other one won’t listen. It’s annoying. Can you two please align your moods for once?”
“Honestly I think the managers are about to sit you two down and make you talk it out,” Jeno warns, glancing over at one of them in the corner. They’re on the phone, vigorously texting, and Donghyuck grits his teeth.
“Well, they’ll be surprised to find out their issue with that is Mark today,” Donghyuck retorts, and Jeno laughs a little.
Jeno, overall, doesn’t seem too worried about the situation. Even as their manager stares down Donghyuck, trying to figure something out, Jeno’s a little more blasé about the whole thing. It makes it easier for Donghyuck to let it roll off his own shoulders.
“Come on, let’s go get ice-cream or something. I don’t care, anything, I deserve it if I’m about to suffer through this,” Donghyuck says, tugging the two of them up to their manager. They don’t have any schedules for the rest of the day, so Donghyuck takes his chances.
Thankfully, their manager lets them go with minimal fuss, too worked up about something on their phone. They give Donghyuck a look, which definitely means he’s in for it later, but he will do his best to enjoy his time until then.
They walk together, Jeno and Renjun on either side of him. They decide to walk to the local park and eat there — though it’s probably too hot for that, but it gets Donghyuck to laugh as Jeno’s face contorts as the melting treat starts to run down his fingers.
Donghyuck finishes the fastest, grimacing as he realises his own fingers are not spared. They’re uncomfortably sticky, and when his phone buzzes with a message he almost ignores it in favour of keeping his screen clean.
Realising it’s a message from Jaemin, he forgoes his concerns.
Mark hateful? Don’t think that intervention went as well as Jeno and Injun hoped then.
Donghyuck laughs, showing the text to the other two. He types back his own reply as Renjun sighs heavily, pointedly turning his focus back to his ice-cream.
Unfortunately they forget Mark can be just as petty as me.
Then, a moment later, he types another reply. Doesn’t matter, we’ll be forced to resolve this anyway, so in the meantime I’m enjoying ice-cream~~
Jaemin sends back a slew of laughing emojis, and they leave the conversation there. Donghyuck manages to rope both Jeno and Renjun onto the playground— thankfully rather empty at this time — and they spend the afternoon laughing and playing around.
It’s a good way to push Mark to the back of his mind. To push back the thought that they’ll have to confront each other properly this time. To come to a point where they can, at the very least, be comfortable with each other again on the stage.
Just as Donghyuck suspected, the managers round up Mark and Donghyuck the following day, right before their practice.
"It's very normal to fight," the manager assures Donghyuck, all the while very clearly ushering him in a room alone with Mark. "It's just that you two escalated it to a point seen on stage, so you two need to clear it up with each other and talk. Or fight it all out here, whatever. Just... don't make me deal with the headache of another fight on stage."
Donghyuck offers a weak laugh at the clear attempt to lighten the atmosphere. "Yeah, okay. We'll do our best. Sorry for the hassle of everything."
The manager waves their hand, dismissive as they open up the door. It's an empty conference room in the building, a floor above their dance practice room. "Just make it down for practice."
Mark is already sitting down at the too-large table, placing his phone down as Donghyuck enters. Mark's gaze is steely, but Donghyuck's not one to back down.
Donghyuck chooses to sit on the same side of the table as Mark, but keeps a seat spaced between them. He swings the chair around to face Mark, leaning back.
"Okay, firstly, let's make it clear I do not want you to hear you apologise for the star on my chest. I don't want you to apologise for the fact you do not like me back the same way I like you," Donghyuck starts, watching as Mark deflates a little.
Donghyuck can see the way he's floundering for what to say, now that he's lost the ground of what he thought he should mostly apologise for. Donghyuck takes the moment to continue speaking.
"I'm sorry for getting pissed at you after you brought it up. I'm sorry I ignored your attempts to apologise because I just didn't want to hear you talk about it at all. Sorry for changing the choreography on stage without warning. And, most of all, I'm sorry that you have the burden of the star."
It's clear that Mark's anger, his defences, fall away. Mark immediately jolts, shaking his head, looking like he's about to reach out but quickly halting his actions. "Hey, no. Seriously, no. I'm sorry that I said those things. Honestly. What I said was fucking shitty, and it doesn't matter that I didn't believe them and you know that. I never should've said it. You were right, I never should've used it to hurt you like that."
Donghyuck shrugs. "We were fighting. I pushed you, and you wanted to strike back. I get that. My little siblings give me worse."
Mark shakes his head, looking all too pitiful. Donghyuck can see just how much Mark regrets the words, how remourseful he is about them. "It was a line I shouldn't have crossed. It's so — God. Donghyuck, it wasn't fair. You're so loved, and it wasn't fair of me to say that just because I don't like you that way."
Donghyuck glares at him, warning that he's treading all too close to the things Donghyuck's already told him not to say. Mark bites down his next words, thinking them over for a moment before continuing.
"I'm sorry I brought it up to hurt you. Honestly, we should've talked about it earlier." But Mark looks guilty, and Donghyuck sighs.
"I've always known you wouldn't like me back. But I prefered it being unspoken, because then nothing would change. We could treat each other the same if we just ignored it."
"Didn't work out so well in the end," Mark says, leaning back in his chair. But he looks the least pressured he has in weeks, the tenseness in his shoulders dropping, and Donghyuck is relieved for it. "I'm sorry, Donghyuck-ah. I really am. I shouldn't have ever brought it up to hurt you, and I'm sorry for getting mad about the choreography change. I thought it was unprofessional, but then... Well, now I'm guilty of that too."
Donghyuck's lips tilt up. Maybe talking about it isn't the worst thing.
"Cool. Okay, well, I forgive you. I get why you said it, and I get why you were mad about the choreography. Besides, I don't know about you, but I got lots of treats out of the whole situation. Worked out well for me, actually."
Mark, expectedly, looks baffled at the sudden change of Donghyuck's demeanour, the sudden change of the atmosphere of their conversation.
"And not to mention, I got a break from your nagging leader tone," Donghyuck adds, leaning back on his chair, crossing his hands behind his head in an act of smugness.
Mark, thankfully, adjusts well. "You didn't, you just chose to ignore it," Mark retorts, folding his arms over each other and rolling his eyes.
Donghyuck sticks out his tongue. He digs his heels into the ground, propelling his wheely chair to get closer to Mark. "Of course. It's all the same. Blah blah Haechan stop doing this, blah blah Chenle you're doing so well, blah blah Haechan stop—"
Mark reaches out to cover Donghyuck's mouth, and Donghyuck immediately swats him away as there's a tingle on his face, as his chest aches.
He figures Mark hasn't realised that touching is currently painful to Donghyuck.
But Donghyuck's not going to bring it up — not when they're settling back into normalcy, when they've just stopped apologising to each other for everything about the soulmark.
They still have a considerable amount of time until practice, so Mark drags him to get some drinks. He pays for both, and Donghyuck nudges him in thanks, ignoring the tingle it sends through his skin.
It feels good, Donghyuck thinks. To have Mark beside him again.
And though he knows that it still hurts, the rejection clear to see, to feel, Donghyuck's thankful they're on good terms again. He's missed Mark, after all.
Having him here, beside Donghyuck, even like this — that's certainly better than not having Mark by his side at all.
Everyone is, of course, glad they've resolved their issues. There's a collective sense of relief as Donghyuck and Mark walk into the practice room together, joking around with each other.
"Oh thank god," Jisung says loudly, "Never fight like that again. Please. It was so awkward."
Donghyuck laughs at him, going to ruffle his hair.
And like that, things settle back into place with an ease Donghyuck didn't expect.
Everything seems to be okay. There's a slight hesistance to every interaction between himself and Mark, an awkward tension between them that's never been there before — but it's better than Donghyuck expected.
With time, he knows that tension will pass. That the ache will ease whenever Mark touches him.
They go back to the original choreography, and everything's fine.
Well, Donghyuck thinks so.
Until Jeno approaches them, their second show done for the week. Mark drapes an arm around Donghyuck's neck as they wait backstage, and Donghyuck is ignoring the pain in his neck, in his chest, focusing on talking to Chenle.
Jeno's been looking over at them with a gaze Donghyuck can't quite figure out. It doesn't matter that Donghyuck can't, because Jeno finally seems to settle on a decision, coming up to them once Chenle has moved away.
"Mark-hyung," he says quietly, immediately getting their attention. It's rare to keep something private between all of them, but it's clear Jeno would rather keep it down. "You're being considerate of Haechannie, right?"
Donghyuck can feel his eyebrows furrow, knows Mark is doing the same thanks to their angle on the mirror. It takes him a moment to realise what he's insinuating, then he glares at Jeno.
"Lee Jeno, do not—"
Jeno whirls onto Mark with the warning, doing the exact opposite of what Donghyuck intended. "Right, this idiot didn't tell you, did he? Mark-hyung, at the moment, please consider the reason Haechan wasn't comfortable touching you."
"It's fine, Mark-hyung," Donghyuck immediately says, trying to smooth it out before cracks appear again. "Really, it's okay. I'm fine now."
"You're— what? I thought it's because we were fighting..." Mark trails off, and Donghyuck sees the moment he figures it out.
Mark's eyes widen, mouth opening, trying to retract his arm. Donghyuck grabs hold of his hand, keeping it there.
"Haechannie..." Mark wavers uncertainly, still trying to tug back his arm. "I'm hurting you, aren't I? I... I'm so sorry, I totally forgot about it."
Donghyuck huffs, shaking his head. "Shut up you idiot. I know you forgot, it's why I never mentioned it, but it's fine. It's not that bad, otherwise I would've shoved your arm off a while ago."
Mark tugs his arm once more, but stops once Donghyuck squeezes his hand. "It's fine, Mark-hyung. Honestly. If it's a problem then I'll let you know."
Mark pulls a face, but relents to Donghyuck's whim. They do have to separate, as Mark needs to do his makeup, and Jeno stays beside him.
"I'm sorry, I know you wanted it to stay the same with him. But if he remembered or realised any later, and you weren't going to tell him, he'd feel bad about it forever," Jeno explains softly, and Donghyuck holds onto his slight spark of anger for a second before letting it go.
Jeno means well and he knows it. Besides, he's argued enough with his members for this month alone, and he doesn't want to hold onto anymore bitterness right now.
"Yeah, I know," Donghyuck replies, throwing his arm around Jeno's neck. "And I know you're looking out for me."
Jeno's fingers come up to squeeze at Donghyuck's jaw, affectionately teasing him. "Yeah, because you're an idiot who won't look out for himself."
Donghyuck's doing his best to lick Jeno's fingers instead of replying, and Jeno shudders once he realises what Donghyuck's doing, immediately retracting his fingers.
Though Donghyuck lets the conversation pass by easily enough, it's clear it's something on Mark's mind.
He's hesitant to touch Donghyuck for weeks afterwards, always skirts away when Donghyuck reaches out for him subconsciously. It's frustrating, but no amount of reassurances eases up Mark's worry.
Donghyuck should be relieved, thankful, that Mark's being considerate of this. That Donghyuck's chest doesn't hurt so often, that there's less of a searing reminder that Mark rejected him.
But Mark’s hesitance to touch him is more of a reminder than ever — that Donghyuck's screwed everything up by falling in love. That he's ruined things between them by having Mark's star on his chest, and now things are different between them.
Now Mark treats him cautiously, and Donghyuck has no one to blame but himself for it.
Weeks go by. Donghyuck has to accept that things have changed.
As those weeks go by, he tries not to look at the star on his chest. It gets easier to ignore it, to try and move on — throwing himself into his work, into practicing until his muscles are trembling, until he's finally satisfied with how his vocal practice is going.
There's award shows to focus on, and the company is starting to talk about big projects for NCT. All of them together for the first time, all units combined, and it comes at a good time for Donghyuck.
He doesn't notice that Mark's touches on his skin begins to become less painful. That the pain in his chest is easing up whenever he brushes against Mark. It's a gradual, slow thing, and he doesn't realise it.
Not until it's early in the new year, and Donghyuck's in his room, walking around in the dark after showering. Jaehyun's asleep, and Donghyuck's careful to move around the familiar space without waking him.
Usually he changes in the bathroom, but he grabbed the wrong shirt, and with Jaehyun already asleep Donghyuck takes the chance to find another one without turning on the light.
There's a mirror in their room, and Donghyuck can faintly see himself thanks to the light leaking under the door from the main room. On instinct he goes to turn away from it, to not catch the sight of his own chest, but then —
Something's not quite right. Something's different.
He turns back to the mirror, holding his breath.
The star on his chest has faded. Not completely, but enough that the glow has almost disappeared. It's faint, almost dull in the darkness. Not catching or reflecting any possible light like it might have before.
Donghyuck realises he's holding his breath, and he lets it go with a heavy exhale.
A mess of emotions stir in his stomach. Relief — for himself. For Mark. The evidence that it's no longer such a heavy burden for either of them.
But there's something aching, too. Something disappointing at seeing that love begin to fade away, something that was once so bright so visibly fading away.
He knew he was starting to let Mark go, that his love was naturally beginning to fall away now that he was no longer holding onto it. But seeing it is startling, and Donghyuck stares at his chest for the longest time he has in a while.
Like if he memorises this moment, if he holds onto it, Mark's star won't disappear anymore. Like it'll stay like this, and Donghyuck won't lose anything more.
The moment breaks as Jaehyun moves in his sleep, turning over, and Donghyuck tears his eyes away from the mirror.
Donghyuck slips on a shirt and climbs into bed.
Years of the star on his chest, his very first, is coming to an end.
Donghyuck takes a deep breath. Holds it. Gives himself another moment, just to dwell on the star on his chest, lets himself mourn it as it fades away.
Then lets it go.
Jaemin comes back.
He had sounded hopeful in his messages to them, saying he's got the all-clear from his doctors to return to dancing — but Jaemin hadn't actually told them he'd be returning for the comeback.
Donghyuck knew he'd come back, that Jaemin had worked incredibly hard with his physiotherapy, following all orders to make sure he could come back to them as soon as possible.
And if nothing else, Jaemin is a stubborn asshole. Donghyuck knew that he'd come back to them eventually, no matter how long it took.
So Donghyuck knew Jaemin would return.
He just didn't expect to see Jaemin walk into the SM building, all of the members meeting to discuss the projects planned for NCT, barely a week into the new year.
Donghyuck's sitting beside Renjun and Jeno, most of the members gathered in a room to discuss how the units were working this year, the timeline of the comebacks with management. They're still waiting for the meeting to start, and Donghyuck's spinning back and forth on his chair.
And then Na Jaemin himself walks through the door, a manager by his side, and Donghyuck stops.
For a moment, it's like everyone's frozen — trying to understand the sight before them. Making sure it's real.
"Holy shit," Renjun says from beside him, and that moment breaks. They all scramble towards Jaemin, Donghyuck almost tripping as he runs towards him.
Jaemin looks good. Healthy and well-rested, to the point Donghyuck would think he's almost glowing. His hair is long and dark, and though Donghyuck's seen it in their rare video calls, it's startling to see it in front of him.
It reminds him of Jaemin pre-debut. Trainees together, with dark hair and baby fat they'd yet to work off. But Jaemin looks grown, looks better than ever. Grown into his features in a way that's incredibly handsome.
Jeno makes it first, but they all stop before any of them make contact. They know Jaemin's basically been cleared physically, but he's been away for over a year with the injury. It means they hesitate before him, not wanting to accidentally hurt him.
Jaemin's smiling at them, opening up his arms to show he's okay. That yes, they can glomp him with hugs and he'll gladly welcome it.
Donghyuck gets a quick moment to hug him, after the three of them together have group hugged Jaemin, but it's short. There's a lot of people crowding around them, all wanting to welcome Jaemin back.
Chenle wraps himself around Jaemin with a wide grin. Jisung steps up beside Jaemin, purposely not looking like he's going to go for a hug, but Jaemin tuts at him and pulls him into one regardless. Donghyuck doesn't miss Jisung's pleased smile.
Everyone gets time to greet him, management giving them the time to do so. Finally Jaemin's able to take a seat — close to the collective Dream members, between Jeno and Jungwoo.
The meeting begins, and they announce Jaemin will be joining them for it. For the 18 member project, as well as for the Dream comeback.
Their first comeback all together. Jaemin's first comeback ever.
The smile doesn't fade from Donghyuck's face, even as they’re talked to about the overwhelming amount of upcoming schedules. Filming to take places in different countries for music videos, choreography to learn, different songs to record.
Donghyuck's got a heavy schedule in front of him, for both Dream and 127, and Mark has even more so.
Everything starts immediately. The next couple of weeks are a blur of filming, dance practices and vocal recordings. Donghyuck's muscles ache, his brain constantly running through new choreography, but it's good. He's happy to focus on this, on pushing himself to try harder, to be better.
Mark's star continues to fade.
He's not entirely sure of the day it completely fades. He notices the lack of it somewhere between the Go and Touch stages, weeks filled with getting up early and spending days at the music show buildings.
A lot of that time is spent with Mark.
But it's spent with the other members, too. And Donghyuck and Mark are both tired enough that they barely have the need to speak when together, barely interact as they nap and rest when travelling together.
He stares at his now-empty chest, wondering when the star properly faded away. When his romantic love for Mark disappeared into nothing.
He thinks he should be sadder. But now he looks at it, and he feels hollow, almost. A distant ache, a longing for something that was there, but it's not stronger than his relief that it's gone.
Considering it over for a couple of days, he finally tells Mark.
Pulls him aside one day, right as their promotions for Touch begin to taper off, just as they're starting to pick up on practice for Black on Black.
"I figure you should know," he starts the conversation with, and Mark tilts his head inquisitively at him, waiting as Donghyuck takes a couple seconds to properly sort out his next words. "I no longer have any stars on my chest. So, uh. Yeah, just letting you know. Because it was... it was yours, so."
He goes for casual, but he misses the tone just slightly. Just enough that Mark's careful with his own words.
Mark brings a hand up to the back on Donghyuck's nape, resting there. The contact is comforting, but it's no longer the cause of butterflies in his stomach, nor the cause of pains in his chest.
"Thanks for telling me, Haechannie. Really. Uh, I know it was..."
Donghyuck snorts as Mark clearly struggles with his words. He decides to take mercy — after all, he's had enough serious talks with Mark to last him the next few years. "Let's just not do the touchy-feely stuff, alright? I beg of you."
Mark laughs, hand squeezing at Donghyuck's neck before dropping. "Sweet, I'm cool with that."
Mark reaches out a hand for their handshake, and Donghyuck smiles as he follows.
It's not quite like things go back to normal. Normal, for so many years, was Donghyuck in love with Mark. Now, Donghyuck needs to figure out his new normal — one where he isn't in love with Mark.
Still, everything settles into something comfortable, something easy. Donghyuck can't ask for much more than that.
Promotions wind down, and their schedules ease up. Donghyuck's birthday comes and goes, with a fair bit of fanfare thanks to the members, including the Dream VLive.
Donghyuck's still learning to orientate himself.
He's glad that Mark's star no longer resides on his skin, but — well. He's a little lost without it. A little dismayed at the emptiness of his chest, now that he's seen what it looks like with a star to decorate it.
Donghyuck's an open book. His emotions sit clearly upon his face, reflecting clearly in his tone.
But matters of the heart, of the soul — those things are now kept strictly hidden away. Out of sight of others, unable to be understood by them.
Some nights, when Jaehyun is asleep or out with friends, he lets his thoughts sink into things he doesn't ever want seen.
The insecurities are quick to take hold. The fear that Donghyuck loved Mark, but at the end that didn't even matter — it faded away so quickly. Years of love faded in weeks. What does that make him? What does that mean about how he loves?
Donghyuck pushes it aside as much as he can to focus on his work and his friends, though the thoughts still lurk at the back of his mind.
Together, as a group with Dream, they go out a fair amount. Or have dinners together in the Dream dorms, Mark and Donghyuck staying over if their schedule is free enough to allow it. Which, at the moment, currently is.
It's the looming fear of Mark's graduation pressing down on all of them. Donghyuck isn't half as worried as the rest of the members, knowing he's in a permanent group with Mark — but for a lot of them, these are potentially the last few months they'll ever promote with Mark again.
But after Mark, it'll be Jeno, Renjun, Jaemin, and Donghyuck graduating the following year. Members Donghyuck's grown up with, same-age friends that are his best friends — and what happens to them, then? Split into different groups? Moved into separate dorms?
He can see the stress pressing down on all of them. They stick together, desperate to hold onto the time they have left.
And Donghyuck -
Donghyuck notices Jeno and Jaemin. Inseparable from the moment Jaemin came back from hiatus.
It's not like Donghyuck feels excluded from anything, or feels left out despite the fact he usually isn't with them for so many schedules. It's just that there's something between the two of them, something Donghyuck isn't sure how to place.
One night, after they're told Dream will make a comeback - Mark's final one with them - they go out. Well, Mark's busy, and Chenle and Jisung already have plans, so it leaves the four 00 liners.
They head out for dinner, lively and happy. It's always exciting to get news of a comeback, new songs, new promotions. They've been busy this year, promoting more than ever, but Donghyuck still is thankful to get the chance to promote with Dream.
His closest friends surround him, and Donghyuck is so happy to be with them. Renjun and Donghyuck barter for the best pieces of food, and Jaemin is complaining about something to do with Jisung stealing his bed recently, and Jeno's just laughing with happiness, occasionally stepping in only to stir them all up more.
After dinner, they move to an arcade. All four of them are competitive when together, and things are quick to delve in chaos. Renjun and Donghyuck pair up against Jaemin and Jeno for some games.
It's unfortunate. For Jaemin and Jeno, that is.
Renjun takes advantage of Jaemin's easily distractible nature, and Donghyuck deals with Jeno — he's a lot more experienced with these games, and it shows in the overall scores.
Jaemin whines until Jeno rolls his eyes and pulls him away, promising to buy him a snack from a store closeby. The offer is extended, but Donghyuck pulls Renjun away to battle him with some more games.
It's almost like their pre-debut days, when they snuck out to treat themselves to some food or some games. The four of them together, though Renjun didn't come until later. Together, as it's always been, as Donghyuck always hopes it will be.
But Mark was always with them too. And now Mark's graduating Dream soon, and isn't here tonight.
Years together, training together, debuting and performing. All to begin to fall away as Mark's graduation looms, as their own approach.
Things are changing.
Donghyuck's no longer in love with Mark, either.
It's the end of these things. Of Donghyuck's love, of their time together in Dream.
It might be thanks to his nostalgic thoughts, but it's why Donghyuck can place something has shifted between Jaemin and Jeno. It's different to their pre-debut days, different to a couple of years ago.
Something shifted when Jaemin returned, and Donghyuck's still trying to figure out what it is. What it means.
Renjun pulls him from his thoughts, tugging him into a photobooth. Donghyuck's laughing, because it seems a little ridiculous, a little silly, to take photos together when it feels like every move of theirs is followed by cameras.
But this isn't Haechan and Renjun of NCT. This is Donghyuck and Renjun, so Donghyuck wraps his arms around Renjun as they pose, pulling faces and selecting silly filters and decorations for their final photo strips.
Jeno and Jaemin pass by them as they exit the booth, both holding their own copies of the photos.
Jaemin pulls an affronted face, offended that he'd been left out of the photos. "Excuse me, get back in there. We're taking some all together."
So Donghyuck and Renjun enter for another round, and it's a bit of a squeeze with four of them, but they make it work.
They have to do it another time all together, because the photobooth only prints out two copies and they each want their own. Jaemin pulls in each of them for a kiss on the cheek during the second round, managing to capture their disgusted faces at it.
Donghyuck looks at the photos after, the two strips in his hands, and laughs at each of their faces. He manages to score the strip with Jaemin attempting to kiss them, but it also features Jeno, Renjun and Donghyuck working together for the last photo to capture Jaemin unaware with their own retaliation, kissy-faces all too close to his own.
He stares at the photo as Renjun decides he's thirsty, so he tugs Donghyuck to the vending machine to grab a drink.
There's a filter on the photos, one that gives them a slight blush, and it adds a comedic effect to the whole kissing situation.
But Jeno's catches his eyes. Just a little bit darker in colour, the flush spreading to his ears — or the one that Donghyuck can see, the other covered by Jaemin leaning across to kiss him on the cheek.
That's not part of the filter.
He goes to say something to Renjun, to point it out so they can laugh about Jeno being genuinely embarrassed, but he stops himself.
There's no reason for Jeno to be embarrassed like that. It's usual for them to tease each other with kisses like that, a standard joke between them all.
He looks at Jeno's expression for the rest of the photos. He was the first to be kissed by Jaemin, at the top of the strip. The flush on his cheeks remains for the rest of the photos, and his eyes are following Jaemin.
Renjun suddenly pulls the strip from his fingers. Jaemin had grabbed the other strip of Donghyuck's set, trading with Renjun for their first round of photos.
“Nuh-uh, that one is mine Injunnie," Donghyuck taunts, stepping up to the vending machine to get his own drink. He knows Renjun will return them at some point, so he lets Renjun take it for now.
When he turns back, it's to Renjun putting away his phone, the photo strip held up to the light.
"We can probably photocopy them or something," Donghyuck offers as Renjun hands back the photos. Renjun laughs, shaking his head.
"That'd be like photocopying a polaroid. Doesn't have the same effect, does it? It's okay, this photo is nice, and the first round of photos are cute too. I can send you a photo of them if you want," Renjun replies, both of them walking back over to Jeno and Jaemin.
"Yeah, thanks," Donghyuck answers. "I'm excited to have your silly faces as blackmail material."
Renjun nudges him, a little harder than normal. "I'm the one with the original photos, offering them to you, how is that blackmail?"
Donghyuck hums. "I can upload them for your birthday."
Renjun laughs. "Yeah, good luck getting that approved."
"I have my ways," Donghyuck teases, but even he's unable to get past the social media team most of the time. Renjun knows it too, continuing to laugh at him.
They linger around the arcade for a while longer, then begin to lazily stroll down the streets. They can't go too far, but they go far enough that the four of them can pretend they're just four ordinary boys, having a fun night out together. That there's no pressure of NCT, of graduations, of things changing.
It's just the four of them tonight. Having fun together, being together, and that's all that matters.
Though they don't want to, they eventually have to head back to the dorms. Donghyuck argues with them, because they're adamant on walking with Donghyuck to the 127 dorms, even though it's further than the Dream dorms.
"I can walk back on my own," Donghyuck grumbles, but Jaemin scoffs.
"I mean you certainly could. But us, leaving you? On your own? When there's the three of us? I don’t think so," Jaemin retaliates.
"There's no point on you guys doubling back to head to the Dream dorms," Donghyuck argues. "It's not that far, it's fine to walk on my own."
"Exactly! It's not that far, so we can walk you there!"
"Guys," Jeno cuts in, "why doesn't Donghyuckie just stay over? You can crash with Injunnie like you usually do."
Renjun doesn't even argue with the fact that Jeno's just offered up his room without discussion. So, naturally, neither Jaemin nor Donghyuck win their respective arguments. Donghyuck ends up texting the manager and Jaehyun that he's with Dream tonight.
Renjun gives him some pyjamas to sleep in, and Donghyuck goes to crash in Chenle's bed because he's currently not staying in the dorms. Renjun's moving around, washing up — something Donghyuck isn't bothered to do without his own cleansers on hand.
"Here," Renjun says as he enters the room, passing Donghyuck something. Donghyuck takes it, then realises it's a phone charger — one specifically for his phone, one that none of the other Dream members have.
"Did I leave it here?" Donghyuck asks without thinking, belatedly realising he knows his charger is back in his room with Jaehyun.
"No," is all Renjun says to that, clearly refusing to elaborate any further. It's strange enough to throw Donghyuck off slightly, but he's too tired to question it as he plugs it in. It's a good thing Renjun gives it, because his phone was starting to get dangerously low.
Renjun starts up some music, something both of them don't mind falling asleep to.
"Tonight was fun." Renjun's voice is quiet, almost as calm as the music floating around the room.
"Yeah," Donghyuck replies just as softly.
For a moment, he thinks about adding something. To ask Renjun about if he's noticed anything between Jaemin and Jeno, if anything's shifted between them.
Instead, he puts his phone down, tugs the blanket up, and says "Goodnight, Injunnie."
"Night, Donghyuck-ah. Sleep well."