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Elena thought he was being unfair to his brother. That he didn’t have every right to promise him an eternity of misery. She had no idea what he was punishing his brother for. And she never would. But if she wanted the rest of the story, he would give her something. Just enough. Enough that she wouldn’t ask Stefan for it. He wasn’t going to risk his brother telling her the whole truth. He spun the carefully crafted story with expert precision. There was enough truth to pass scrutiny, but not nearly enough to expose his greatest secret. His greatest shame. Unfortunately, just telling that much was enough to get the real memories rushing back into his head and when she rushed out after his brother, Damon immediately poured himself a drink and tried to forget again.
Back in 1864:
Damon had gotten up to walk away. He didn’t want to turn and Stefan just wouldn’t shut up about it. He was so weak he could barely stand, but he somehow found the strength to walk away. Stefan wouldn’t let him though. His brother’s hands went around his throat as Stefan moved behind him, holding him tightly. “You’re weak. You’ll be dead soon,” Stefan whispered in his ear. “You’ll die.”
“No, I can’t,” Damon protested. If only he’d known then how bad it would get, he would have just drunk and been done with it.
“You have no idea how freeing it can be,” Stefan hissed in his ear. “How incredible it is to not be burden by rules and conscience.” Stefan motioned towards the girl and she came over. “Take your clothes off,” Stefan told her, and she didn’t hesitate to do so.
Damon tried to look away. To preserve her modestly. “Stefan, what are you doing?” Damon asked fearfully as Stefan turned his head back to face her as she stood there, heavily compelled and completely naked. Damon wasn’t able to stop his body’s natural reaction as he was forced to look at her which mortified him. Even more so when his brother’s hand…the one that wasn’t around his throat, trailed down to rub over the front of his pants. When he tried to squirm away, the hand around his throat tightened and pulled him tighter back. Tight enough to feel his brother’s erection pressing against his ass. “Brother, please,” Damon tried to beg.
“Let me show you what life can be like if you just turn it all off,” Stefan whispered as he started to undo his brother’s pants. “Let me show you the kinds of things you can enjoy when you’re free of your burdens.”
“Stefan, don’t…I don’t want it…please,” Damon gasped out as his pants were lowered and his brother’s hand wrapped around his dick.
“Touch yourself,” Stefan ordered the girl feeling his brother’s erection starting to soften in his hand. “Just relax, brother,” Stefan coaxed as his hand slid around Damon’s bare hip to undo his own pants. He kept one hand around his brother’s throat to keep him in place as the other slid Damon’s ass cheeks apart and he slid a finger inside him, feeling around for the spot he’d heard about and he knew that he’d found it when Damon jerked like he’d been electrocuted and choked a sob. He removed his other hand from his brother’s throat to slide down and wrap around his hard again cock, and started stroking slowly as his finger massaged the spot. “There you go, brother.”
“Stefan, stop this madness…please,” Damon begged.
“Stop? Oh no, big brother…we’re just getting started…you’ll see…you just need to turn it off too and we can have so much fun,” Stefan panted as he removed his finger and lined up his cock.
When Damon realized what was about to happen, he tried to make a break for it, but Stefan was so fast, he moved in a blur as his now free hand wrapped around Damon’s throat again and then he felt like he was being stretching in two as his brother’s erect penis entered him slowly. “Stefan…please,” he sobbed as his own erection started to wane again. Until he felt the pressure against that one place again and it was back almost immediately.
“See, brother?” Stefan whispered breathlessly. “See how good that feels?” Damon struggled in his brother’s grip, but that just seemed to turn Stefan on more as he gave a low moan and a hard thrust. Stefan moved to sit, pulling Damon with him as his hips rolled up pressing harder and deeper into his struggling brother. “Come here,” he told the girl, who didn’t hesitate to do as she was told. “Put his dick inside you.”
She immediately straddled Damon’s lap and dropped on his cock as Stefan moved his hand away and only the fact that she’d been compelled to be silent kept her from crying out in pain. It wasn’t enough to stop the tears leaking from her eyes though. Damon’s arms instinctively wrapped around her to keep her from falling and he tried so hard not to think about what was happening but even as horrifying as it was, it still felt so good.
“She was a virgin, brother,” Stefan whispered huskily. “I know you can smell the blood now.”
“No…please,” Damon cried, even as his brother thrust up into him, pressing him into the girl.
Now that Damon was fully subdued, Stefan’s hands moved to the girl’s ass, pulling her forward and back on his brother’s cock to keep rhythm with his own thrusts. When he could feel Damon’s muscles starting to tighten he told her, “Bite your lip until it bleeds and then kiss him.”
Damon tried to turn his head away, but Stefan’s grip on his jaw forced him back and before he knew it, his fangs had sprung out. He couldn’t help but move to bite her neck as he thrusted up harder and faster into her, not even caring that he was fucking himself on his brother’s cock too with the movement. As he pulled the last drop of blood and she stilled, Damon’s orgasm washed over him and Stefan cried out his own, slamming hard and deep into his brother as he spilled himself.
Once it was over, Damon shoved the girl to the ground and scrambled away from Stefan, frantically pulling his pants back up. “H-how could you…I’m your brother,” Damon asked horrified.
“That’s what I’m saying, Damon. We don’t have to worry about those kind of labels. We don’t have to limit ourselves. You can just turn all that off and we can have so much fun,” Stefan tried to reason with him. Damon took a few deep breaths to steady himself before he went to pick up the poor girl’s body and stash her away. “How do you feel?” Stefan asked hopefully as he came back.
“You were right. It is a whole new world,” Damon said evenly.
“And we can explore it together,” Stefan told him.
“Well you got what you wanted. You and me for all eternity,” Damon said emotionlessly before his face turned hard. “But hear this, brother. I will make it an eternity of misery for you,” Damon sneered hatefully as he walked away.
Damon poured drink after drink as the memories assaulted him relentlessly. He should have just left right after he turned, but no. He didn’t want to turn his back on his brother. Even after all that. He wanted the real Stefan back. He’d been looking after his brother his whole life and he hadn’t been able to bring himself to walk away. Instead he’d subjected himself to horror after horror for weeks. The way Stefan kept binging on human blood kept him so much stronger than Damon who drank in moderation and did his best not to kill. He had been weak.
Back in 1864:
Damon tried to tell his brother off for one of his ‘parties’ and found himself shoved against the wall. “You could join us brother. There’s plenty to share. If you just turn it off you’ll be able to enjoy it as much as I do,” Stefan coaxed as he rubbed against his brother, letting Damon feel his erection. Damon tried to shove him away, but Stefan was too strong and Damon soon found himself spun around with Stefan’s arm against the back of his neck holding him in place. “It looks like you need another lesson,” Stefan grinned.
“Stefan, don’t,” Damon tried to struggle to no avail.
“Shh, it’s okay, brother,” Stefan whispered soothingly, pressing a line of kisses to Damon’s neck as he undid he brother’s pants. “It’ll be better this time. I’ve learned a few things,” he promised.
“Stop, Stefan,” Damon tried to push away from the wall only to find himself pressed tighter against it as his pants were pushed down to his knees.
“Shh. Just relax, brother,” Stefan said softly as he dipped his fingers in the vegetable oil before sliding one inside Damon’s tight hole. It took him a moment again to find the sweet spot and Damon’s struggles weren’t helping the matter, but he eventually found it.
Damon was horrified to feel his own cock hardening as his brother’s finger pressed into him. This time he couldn’t even convince himself that it was because of the beautiful naked woman in front of him because there wasn’t one. It was just him and Stefan and he couldn’t stop it. He hissed in pain as a second finger entered him, and he started begging his brother to stop again. “Please…brother…stop this…” he cried.
“Shh. It’ll all be okay. Just relax,” Stefan whispered rubbing his hard cock against his brother’s thigh to get some kind of relief while he was prepping him. Maybe if he could make it better for Damon this time he would stop fighting him on it. He paid liberal attention to his brother’s prostate as he scissored his fingers, stretching him out. “Just trust me, brother.”
Damon realized that he wasn’t going to be able to stop this so he stopped struggling. There was no point in wasting his strength. He just closed his eyes and tried to endure. It would be over soon. Stefan couldn’t keep this up forever. He just had to get through this. Just think of something else. Anything else. A third finger slid into him and started pressing harder and faster, and Damon hated every tear that leaked from his eyes, but was unable to stop them. And then the worst part came. He felt the head of his brother’s hard cock pressed against him and then sliding in. It didn’t hurt nearly as much as last time. Not physically anyway. That didn’t make it any better though.
Stefan gave a stuttered moan against his brother’s neck as he kissed and licked the soft skin there. This felt even better than before. Lubrication and preparation really did make all the difference. He moved his still slick hand back around and wrapped it around his brother’s thick length, stroking him in time with the slow draw of his hips, just reveling in the tight heat as Damon’s cock slowly grew larger and hardened in his hand. “Mmm…that’s it brother…feels good doesn’t it,” he panted, dragging himself against the sweet spot with every thrust.
Damon just kept his eyes screwed shut as the tears continued to leak from behind them and he tried to pretend this wasn’t happening. His body continued to respond though, despite his mortification, as his brother’s hand worked him closer and closer to his own release. He could feel himself getting close, no matter how hard he tried to push it back. Logically he knew that getting it over with would be better, but the idea of letting his brother make him cum wasn’t any better. Unfortunately, his brother knew his weakness. Knew how much he had loved Katherine drinking his blood as he got off, and when he felt the teeth sink into his neck and the blood leaving his body, he couldn’t hold back anymore and spilled over with a whimper.
Stefan hadn’t expected to enjoy the taste of vampire blood. It had just been to get his stubborn brother to stop holding back what he so clearly wanted. What the blood lacked in nourishment, it made up for in pure arousal though and the feeling of Damon’s tight ass clenching around his cock combined with that pushed him immediately over the edge. Once they were both spent, he let his brother shove him away and walk out. He would be back. Now that he saw how good it could be, he would be back.
The next memory slammed into Damon almost before that one ended. Another party, another attempt to get through to his brother. To find the real Stefan underneath the monster that his brother had become. Like all the other attempts it didn’t go well. Damon found himself with a hand around his throat and his brother’s cock pressed against his ass again. This time one of the girls was still alive and Stefan immediately ordered her to get naked and lay down on the bed.
Stefan had realized that maybe it wasn’t working because his brother wasn’t having enough fun. Maybe this would help. He used the hand that wasn’t around his brother’s throat to unbutton Damon’s shirt and slide it off his shoulders. “Come touch him,” Stefan told the girl who came over and started running her hands over Damon’s chest and shoulders and stomach. “Touch her, brother,” Stefan whispered huskily. “She’s for you.”
“No,” Damon said tightly. Being forced to do this was bad enough, he wasn’t going to take advantage of an innocent girl in the process.
“You know you want to,” Stefan coaxed as his hand moved down to rub over the front of his brother’s pants. “Unless this is for me.”
Damon just clenched his jaw. He had learned the folly of fighting, but that didn’t mean that he had to participate either. He felt Stefan’s hand undoing his pants and pressing them down and this time he kept going until they were all the way off and then his brother’s hand was wrapping around his hard cock. “Suck him,” he heard Stefan tell the girl, and Damon couldn’t stop the whimpering moan that pulled from his throat as he felt a warm mouth around him for the first time.
Stefan didn’t expect the spark of jealousy he felt at Damon’s reaction to her. A reaction that he hadn’t been able to pull from his brother no matter how hard he tried. He shoved her away and moved in front of Damon. “I want a taste,” he said breathlessly, falling to his knees in front of his brother. Damon took that opportunity to try to run, but Stefan was so gorged on human blood that he was faster and soon had Damon shoved back against the wall. He went to his knees again and took his brother’s hard cock in his mouth again, moaning at the taste of it.
Stefan was holding his legs so Damon couldn’t kick, so he wrapped his hands in Stefan’s hair, trying to pull him away and not think about how amazing it felt as his brother sucked and licked over his erection. Stefan seemed to enjoy the hair pulling though as it just made him suck harder. When his brother shoved his legs further apart, Damon stumbled a bit, but managed not to fall. When he felt a finger breech his entrance, he reached down to try and shove it away only to yelp in pain when Stefan bit his dick. He got the picture. Fight and get hurt, so he forced himself to just be still and allow his brother his fun.
Stefan pulled off Damon’s cock long enough to whisper, “There you go, brother. Just let me make you feel good. I don’t want to have to hurt you.” He dove back in and continued sucking and licking over Damon’s hard length as his finger pressed straight for the prostate. He wanted so badly to taste his brother’s cum. He could feel Damon trying to hold back, but just increased his ministrations and massaged the sweet spot until he felt the pulsing in his mouth just before the first stream hit the back of his throat and he swallowed every drop.
Stefan got up, pulling his naked brother away from the wall and dragging him back to the bed. He told the girl, “Lay down, spread your legs, and touch yourself. Let us get a good look.” He slid his finger back inside his brother, paying liberal attention to the sweet spot. He’d had other plans before his desire to taste his brother intruded and he didn’t want them to go to waste. By the time he had two fingers going in Damon’s ass, his brother was hard again, so he pushed him forward onto the bed, between the girl’s legs.
That got Damon fighting again. Being raped was bad enough, but if he was forced to rape this compelled girl, he didn’t know if he could live with that. “Brother, don’t,” he tried to beg again.
“Shh. It’s okay. She doesn’t mind,” Stefan told him, stroking Damon’s cock and lining it up with the girls entrance. He made a hard thrust with his finger’s into Damon’s ass, forcing his brother forward and into the girl, taking a long sniff as the scent of blood filled the air. “Another virgin,” Stefan whispered, sliding a third finger into his brother. God, he needed to be inside him so badly.
Damon was trying his hardest not to move. To not be any more complicit than he had to be in this. It was so hard though. The tears leaking from her eyes definitely helped. When he felt the head of his brother’s penis lining up at his entrance, his tears joined hers even before Stefan thrust in hard enough to shove him forward, deeper into her. “I’m sorry,” Damon whispered heartbrokenly as his brother yanked his hips back and shoved him forward again and again until they were both coming.
In the present:
Damon was pulled from the loop of his memories by the arrival of Stefan and Elena. He forced back his inner turmoil and sneered at his brother. “Little boy lost.”
“I’ll be upstairs,” Elena told Stefan before turning to him. “Goodnight, Damon.”
All he could manage for her was a tight smile and then Stefan was coming over and thanking him. “No, Stefan. Thank you. You’re back on Bambi blood and I’m the big badass brother again. All is right in the world.” He was back to being stronger and faster again. That was the most important thing.
“No, I mean it. Thank you. For helping her take care of me,” Stefan said softly.
“You brood too much,” Damon snapped. “Everything on this planet is not your fault. My actions, what I do, it’s not your fault. I own them. They belong to me. You are not allowed to feel my guilt.” He wasn’t about to allow his brother to take any kind of credit for anything he did. He did what he needed to do to be strong. To /stay/ strong. To never be a victim again. That was /his/. Not Stefan’s.
“Do you feel guilt?” Stefan asked sadly.
“If I wanted to. It’s there,” Damon said, taking a long drink despite how drunk he already was.
“Thank you for not telling her everything,” Stefan said gratefully.
Damon scoffed as his hand tightened around the glass. “Like I want her to know that? Like I want /anyone/ to know that?”
“Still…she never would have wanted to save me if she’d known. She would have left…”
“And you would have deserved it,” Damon snapped.
“I know,” Stefan sighed. “I’m sorry...”
”Don’t,” Damon snarled. ”I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to talk about it. Just drop it.”
“I can’t, Damon,” Stefan said sadly. “I’ve tried to forget about it all these years too, but I can’t. I raped you, Damon. Repeatedly…”
Elena’s gasp from outside the door was covered by the sound of Damon slamming Stefan against the wall by his throat, his hand tightening enough to cut off Stefan’s words. “I said…don’t…” Damon hissed, barely keeping a hold on his temper.
When Damon’s hand loosened enough for him to be able to speak, Stefan told him, “Then kill me, brother. As you said, it’s no less than I deserve.”
“No,” Damon shook his head. “I won’t. Because no matter how little it means to you, you are still my brother and you will not die by my hand. Don’t ever mistake me for a victim again, though, little brother. I’m stronger than you now. I’m faster than you. And I will stay that way if it means draining every human in this town dry. But I will never kill my own brother. Nor will I stand aside and allow anyone else to. If you want to die, do it yourself. Because I won’t help you,” Damon said hatefully, shoving away from his brother.
Damon stormed from the room only to run straight into Elena who looked horrified and had tears running down her cheeks. Damon twitched with the effort not to just kill her for what she heard, but before he could actually make a decision, she reached up and took her necklace off. She placed it into his hand without a word and looked into his eyes. Damon forced a few deep breaths before he compelled her, “You will never communicate anything you learned tonight with another soul,” and shoved her necklace back into her hand as he turned to walk away.
“You’re not going to make me forget?” she asked confused and broken.
Damon stopped walking but didn’t turn to face her as he answered. “Why? So Stefan can continue to be innocent and perfect in your eyes? I’m not doing him that favor,” Damon said coldly as he walked out and slammed the door behind him. He would never have allowed her to know if he’d realized in advance, but wiping the memory away was too much like covering up his brother’s indiscretions. He would be manipulating Elena’s memories so she could keep loving him. That was no better than anything that Stefan had done to him. Or those other poor girls. No, she knew now. There was no taking that back. Not without crossing a line that he refused to cross. She couldn’t tell anyone. That would have to be good enough. He just needed to get out of here for a while.
Elena took a few deep breaths and started to go back to the living room, but when she noticed Stefan adjusting himself around his obvious erection…from being pinned against the wall by his brother…the brother that he had raped who knew how many times and obviously still felt the urge to…she felt sick. She couldn’t stay here. She turned and left too just as Damon’s car turned around the corner out of sight, kicking up a wall of dust from his screeching tires.
Elena got in her own car and drove away as fast as she safely could with her head and emotions all over the place and the tears streaming down her cheeks. She thought she knew Stefan. She knew that he had things in his past that he was ashamed of. That he had done awful things. She had never imagined anything like this though. And Damon…god…everything Damon had done was just to keep himself from ever having to experience that again. He made himself a monster to escape from the real monster.
She realized now why he was so intent on getting Stefan clean, but didn’t care at all whether he wanted to kill himself. Stefan on animal blood was weaker and slower. Damon was still afraid…even now. He lived his entire life in fear of becoming a victim again. She wondered if Damon noticed how his manhandling had affected Stefan, before realizing that he would have had to. Someone who had been through something like that would be hyper aware of those things. Especially if they were still so heavy on his mind. He shouldn’t have to live like that. He shouldn’t have to face Stefan every day with those kinds of memories.
Stefan was the real monster. The fact that even when he was good some part of him still wanted to do that to his own brother…there was no saving him. She turned her car in a new direction. There was one person she knew of that could help her. She knew what she had to do. If Damon couldn’t do it then she would do it for him. And Stefan would probably let her. She was glad to find the light in his classroom on. It was almost sunup, but apparently he was either here early or hadn’t been home yet. When she knocked on the door, he waved her in. “What brings you here so early?” he asked.
“I need a stake,” she told him.
“Why?” Ric asked worriedly. “If you’re thinking of going after a vampire…”
“No, nothing like that,” Elena lied. “It’s just…with all the tombed vampires out there, I would feel better if I had some way to protect myself if I get cornered.”
Ric scrutinized her for a moment. It did make sense, but he needed to be sure. “You promise me you won’t go after any of them?”
“I promise that I won’t intentionally go near any vampires other than Stefan and Damon,” she told him, being careful how she worded it.
“Okay. Then this is what you want,” Ric told her, pulling off his own wrist holster. “It fits under any sleeve and is more discreet than carrying a stake around.” He helped her fit it on her wrist and showed her how to use the lever and catch the stake which took a little practice, but once she had it down, he let her go.
Elena got back in her car and headed back towards the Salvatore house. She didn’t know how long Damon would be gone but she remembered him saying that he couldn’t just stand aside and let anyone else kill Stefan either, which meant that she had to do it before he got home. When she got there, she went inside like she had been all week, not bothering with knocking and when Stefan wasn’t downstairs she headed up to his room.
“You’re back,” he said surprised. “I thought you heard…”
“I did,” she said coldly, steeling herself for what she was about to do. It was time for her to stop being so weak. She needed to stop being a victim too. She needed to be strong and look out for people who couldn’t look out for themselves, and in this situation, that happened to be Damon. And all the people Damon would continue to kill out of fear of his brother.
When Elena snapped the stake into her hand, Stefan’s eyes widened, and he took a step back. “I don’t want you to do something you’ll regret,” he said gently, trying to placate her.
“I won’t regret it,” she said evenly, despite knowing otherwise. This was going to tear her apart, but it had to be done. She was sure that Damon’s first few kills tore him apart too. Even now the guilt was still a part of him. He’d said so. But being strong was worth it.
Stefan couldn’t let her do this. He couldn’t let her bear this burden. If she wouldn’t back down, then he only had one choice left. He blurred forward and grabbed the stake from her hand, burying it in his own heart before she could even think of stopping him. “You would. But now you won’t have to. This is on me,” he used his last breath to say as his body withered.
Elena gasped and took a few deep breaths to keep herself from freaking out and figure out what to do next. She hadn’t gotten this far in her planning which she realized now was stupid. The first rule of planning a murder was figuring out what to do next. How to get away with it. What do to with the body. She was an idiot for not thinking that far ahead. She tried to comfort herself with the fact that this was her first time. She was bound to make mistakes. By the time she had herself back under control, she could make a plan. She grabbed Stefan’s sheets off his bed and rolled his body up in them. She couldn’t manage to actually pick him up and carry him though so she started dragging him towards the stairs. It still wasn’t easy. She quickly decided that part of her new desire to be strong would definitely include some weights very soon.
She was about halfway down the stairs when she was startled by a voice asking, “What are you doing?” She spun to see Damon standing at the bottom of the stairs confusedly, but unfortunately, that was enough to knock her off balance. As she fell, she yanked on the sheet and both she and the body tumbled down the stairs.
“Elena!” Damon cried worriedly, rushing to her side. Normally he would have made it to her side before she even fell but he was still drunk enough that his reaction time was slower. When he realized that she was unconscious and there was blood pouring steadily from her head, he did the only thing he could think to. He bit his wrist and held it to her lips, sighing with relief when she started to drink and soon woke up. “Are you okay?” he asked as she sat up.
“I-I’m okay. Really,” she said quickly, trying to shift herself between him and the view of the still wrapped body before he got too curious. “But…Maybe I could use some water if you don’t mind?” she wanted to get him out of the way so she could finish this.
“Sure. Wait here,” Damon said getting up and starting to head to the kitchen.
“Sparkling water?” she added, knowing that she wouldn’t be anywhere near done when he got back from the kitchen.
“We don’t have any of that,” Damon told her.
“Maybe pick some up at the store?” she asked weakly, knowing that she was just drawing his suspicion, but it was the only chance she had.
Damon narrowed his eyes at her. “You’re asking me to go out to the store to get you special water.” Katherine he would have expected to ask him for something like that, but not Elena. She wouldn’t ask someone to go to that kind of trouble unless it was life or death, which this wasn’t. Unless she was trying to hide something. He looked past her and saw the bundle she was trying to hide and remembered how all this started. “What are you up to?”
“N-nothing,” she said nervously.
“Funny. Because it looks like you’re trying to hide a body,” Damon asked suspiciously walking back towards her.
“Damon, don’t!” she said reaching out to stop him as he uncovered Stefan’s face.
Damon stumbled back in shock at the sight and he looked between Elena and Stefan. “Who…how…why…” he stammered, trying to figure out how he felt about this.
“It needed to be done,” Elena said firmly.
Damon reached back over and uncovered more of Stefan, pulling the small stake from his heart. When he recognized it, he yanked Elena’s sleeve up to find the holster. “You…how could you…why…”
“You know why,” Elena said. “I get why you couldn’t do it yourself. Or just abandon him when he needed you. He was still your brother. But someone had to do it. Especially after…” she stopped herself.
“Especially after what?” Damon asked, trying to sort out something that he was feeling, but wanting the whole story first. “Did he hurt you? Or try to?” he asked worriedly.
“No, nothing like that,” Elena shook her head. “But after you left, I saw…he still wanted to…”
“Right. I get it. You can shut up now,” Damon said tensely and thankfully she did shut up. He knew exactly what she was talking about. He’d seen it too. It had been the main reason he left. Before he did what she came back to do. “But…you shouldn’t have had to either…” The longer he could focus on the facts or on fixing her, the longer he could put off dealing with his own feelings.
“I didn’t, actually. I was going to. But then he said the same thing and he was too fast. I couldn’t even move before he grabbed the stake and did it himself,” she told him.
Damon took a few deep breaths, unable to think of anything else to say or ask to put it off anymore as his jumbled up emotions slammed into him. The fact that she hadn’t done it herself made it easier for him not to blame her though. Not to hate her for killing his brother. The idea that she was going to though…for him…he didn’t know how to deal with that. “Okay…first thing we need to do is get rid of the body.”
“That’s what I was trying to do,” she pointed out. Damon didn’t respond and just leaned down to pick Stefan up gently, carrying him towards the door. She rushed after him, grabbing the shovel and the bag next to it when he motioned towards them. “Are you okay?” she asked worriedly when he didn’t speak.
“I don’t know,” he said in a rare moment of honestly.
“Well…you can talk to me you know…tell me how you’re feeling…”
“How I’m feeling?” Damon scoffed. “My brother is dead and I’m here helping his would-be killer cover it up. And it’s all my fault. How do you think I’m feeling?”
“How is this your fault?” Elena asked horrified. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I could have compelled you to forget when you asked me to. I could have paid more attention to know you were listening in the first place. I could have shut him up sooner when he was talking about it. I could have stayed home so I could have prevented it…”
Elena rushed forward and moved in front of him making him stop walking and decided to use his own words against him. “My actions, what I do, it’s not your fault. I own them. They belong to me. You’re not allowed to feel my guilt.”
Damon swallowed heavily a few times and he closed his eyes to get control as he was reminded of the last conversation he ever had with his brother. “Do you feel guilt?” Damon asked her hauntedly.
“If I wanted to,” she admitted just as he had. “It’s there.” And it was. She was forcing it back right now, but soon enough it would overwhelm her, and she would fall apart. She just hoped that she was done with this first. The last thing Damon needed was to try and comfort her through a freak-out.
He nodded tightly and moved around her to keep walking as his mind went a mile a minute. She had done this to protect him. Taken on this burden so that he wouldn’t have to. No one had ever done anything like that for him before. No one had ever cared enough to. It wasn’t the first time she’d fought for him though. In Atlanta she’d stood up to a vampire for him too. Why would she do that? And how was he supposed to live with that? With the fact that his little brother was dead because she’d wanted to protect him which was stupid. He could protect himself. He didn’t need her or anyone else. He continued to turn everything over in his mind even as they reached the destination he was headed to and took the shovel from Elena.
“I can do it,” Elena said, trying to hold onto the shovel. “It should be on me.”
“It’ll take forever if you do it,” Damon said evenly as he pulled it out of her reach and used his vampire speed to dig the hole to prove it.
Elena frowned but crossed her arms and stepped back to let him do it. So much for being strong. Once Damon was done, he did let her help him put the body in at least. It wasn’t until Damon pulled lighter fluid out of the bag that she realized what he was going to do. She wanted to ask why bury him if they were going to burn him, but figured he probably wasn’t in the best frame of mind to be answering those questions right now. When he pulled out the lighter, she held out her hand questioningly and he hesitated for a moment before handing it to her.
Once Stefan was burning, Elena decided to ask Damon an unrelated question. “Did you feed me your blood when I fell down the stairs?”
“Well it was that or let you die,” Damon said defensively.
“No, I get that. I wasn’t accusing,” she told him gently. “I was just wondering…how much?”
“Enough that it’ll probably take at least twenty four hours to get out of your system, if not longer, so be careful…at least for the next three or four days,” he told her.
“Thank you, Damon. For saving me,” she told him.
“You’re welcome,” he told her. Part of him wanted to thank her for the same, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do so. Not when the rest of him was so conflicted over everything. “I can finish this up if you need to get to school,” he told her, not sure if he wanted her to leave or not.
“I need to see this through,” she told him. “It’s my responsibility.”
Damon nodded tightly and when he felt her hand slip into his, he couldn’t help but jerk away. It wasn’t her. Not really. But with everything from the past so fresh in his mind right now, not to mention what they were doing, he just couldn’t take being touched at the moment. By anyone. “Sorry. I just…”
“No, it’s fine. I understand,” Elena assured him when he couldn’t seem to find words. She got it. He’d been sexually assaulted and even though it had been so long ago, everything had been brought to the surface. It was normal for him to not want to be touched right now. Part of her wanted to suggest that he talk to someone about it, but she knew better. Even if vampires did do therapy, Damon wouldn’t. He’d probably kill her just for the suggestion.
Once the body was consumed, which didn’t take very long at all between vampire bodies being very flammable and the addition of the lighter fluid, they started filling up the hole and Elena realized why they were both burning and burying. There was still enough left after the fire that someone finding it would know that a human body was burned, but if anyone did find it, the fire would make it almost impossible to identify. Even if burying him on the old Salvatore estate might point a finger.
By the time they were done, Elena was starving. It was well after lunch and she had missed breakfast with all this too, not to mention she hadn’t eaten much for dinner last night with her worry over Stefan refusing to eat. “We should head back,” she suggested.
“You go ahead,” Damon told her. “I’m gonna stay here for a bit.”
“I can stay with you,” she offered.
“It’s fine. I just…need to be alone for a while.”
Elena nodded sadly. “Okay. I get that,” she assured him as she turned to leave. Before she got too far though she looked back. “I’m sorry, Damon. For everything.” Including what Stefan had done to him back then, she didn’t dare say. When he just nodded tensely, she walked off.
She was glad that Jenna had decided to stay on campus for a couple days to finish her thesis which meant Jeremy was probably not going to be home either. It meant that she could take the opportunity that she was presented with. It wasn’t something she had originally planned, but circumstances seemed to align perfectly and what better way to get strong than to become a vampire. She had heard enough about the persistent hunger of vampires to not want to enter that state starving so she took the time to have a last meal. Even if it was just a few sandwiches.
Once she was full, she headed upstairs and broke her razor apart to get the blades out. After her parents had died, she had put plenty of thought into how she would do this. She stripped down and got into the bathtub and pulled long cuts down both of her wrists. With how sharp the razors were, she barely felt a little sting and didn’t go too deep. It was just deep enough and she laid back and waited. It wouldn’t take long. Not to die anyway. She wasn’t sure how long it would take her to wake back up.
When she did wake up to find herself covered in blood she was completely overwhelmed by the smell of it. There was so much that it hadn’t even dried yet. She wondered for a moment if using your own human blood to finish the transition would hurt anything, but she didn’t even get time to consider that really before the urge overwhelmed her and she dragged her fingers through one of the wet spots before pulling it to her lips. There was a brief moment of pain as her fangs grew in and she finished up all the non-dried blood she could get to before she got up and turned the shower on to clean herself off. Going out like this would be a very bad idea.
Once she was clean and dressed, she realized that, once again, she’d made an impulsive decision without thinking it through. She didn’t have any other blood here and she was still so hungry. She only knew of one place to get some. Well, one place to get some easily if she didn’t want to have to deal with the hospital or risking draining someone dry. She headed out to her car and headed back to the Salvatore house yet again.
She slipped in the door and could hear Damon moving around upstairs and tried to be as quiet as she could slipping down to the basement, but apparently she wasn’t quiet enough because just as she pulled a blood bag out of the freezer, she turned around to bump right into the firm chest of Damon. “Umm…” was all she could get out.
“What do you think you’re doing?” Damon asked confused.
“I’m…kinda…hungry?” she said sheepishly.
“You’re…” he started before it dawned on him. “What the hell? What happened? I thought you were going to be careful!”
“I never said that. You said that I should be. The ‘unless I want to be a vampire’ was kind of implied, but since I do want to be…I just didn’t quite think of the whole not having any blood in the house issue first so…”
Damon took a few deep breaths for calm as he shook his head. “Help yourself,” he told her. “But I cannot deal with this right now, so I’m going to bed. Just…stay here for now? The last thing we need is a newbie vamp running around town chewing on people.”
“Okay,” Elena agreed, suddenly feeling bad for putting so much more on him right now. It wasn’t like the vampire blood in her system had an unlimited shelf life though and she didn’t want to risk him refusing her any more if she told him why she wanted it. “I promise I won’t go anywhere without you until you say I’m ready.”
“Thank you,” Damon sighed with relief. At least they had plenty of blood in the house already so she wouldn’t need to. Hopefully when he woke up…and sobered up…he would be able to deal with this new development. And everything else that had spun him on his axis for the last twenty-four hours.