From State Prison to Purgatory, IL

by Rysler

Summary:

AU. It's early April and Frank never proposed and Olivia never declared her feelings. Rafe comes home to the Farmhouse of Love, Tension, and Angst.

I.

Winter

He fought the sedative, he did, but it was so hard to struggle against something inside every part of him. Eating him from the inside. He was half-out of it in the infirmary. They'd put him down to treat him, per "policy," per being a wild animal with a thorn in its paw, and he even supposed they'd made a good call, because he wouldn't trust those assholes to put stitches in him if he was awake.

If he could move.

But that presence entering his room, those hands touching his face, those were from his people, not one of them. But not--

"Olivia?" He had to fight his way up just to say the word.

"I'm here," she said. "Natalia's car broke down."

"Is she--you can't--" The fear was hot enough, lancing through him, but the fog was on top of it, pressing it down inside him.

"I know. I'll fix it," she said. "You first."

"No--"

"I'll fix it," she said.

Hands smoothed his forehead and then his cheeks.

She would fix it. He knew she was capable. But she should have done that first, should have taken care of his mother. Natalia might be stranded somewhere. He tried to cover his face, to push Olivia away, but the restraints stopped him.

"She's fine," Olivia said. "And I'm here, okay? Don't argue with me."

He hated when she said that.

He hated that she didn't care that she hated that.

Olivia said, "Look. Here. I'm calling her."

Then plastic was pressed against his face and he heard static, and then his mom's voice.

"Rafe, is that you?"

He fought through the fog. "Mom?"

"Hey. Are you all right?"

"He's fine. There's only like, one stitch on his cheek. Big baby," Olivia said. She poked his cheek, where the stitch was.

"Agh."

Olivia said, "He was asleep, though. We should probably--"

No, don't go."Ma," he called.

Natalia said, "I'm going to stay on the line, okay? But you close your eyes."

"The car--Olivia--"

"Yes. I will let Olivia help me with the car."

Rafe closed his eyes.

Olivia pulled up a chair and sat down, leaving the phone on his pillow. "Yes, the car. So you can have her, instead of me. Right? Everyone's happy."

He wet his lips, and tried out words, and it took him a long time to negotiate with the fog. But Olivia was holding his hand.

He said, "You're better than nothing."

Then he rolled his head, and opened his eyes. Her expression was radiant. He would have smiled back, if his skin would work. If sleep wasn't coming for him...

Natalia said, "That's what I always say."

"Not always," Olivia said.

"Today, I'm saying it. Thank you for taking care of my son."

"He's good company," Olivia said, squeezing his hand.

He could almost smile. His lip twitched. There. He could--

"When sedated," she added.

Bitch.

* * *

April

The farmhouse was big--it was a bigger house than Natalia ever might have lived in--despite being a farmhouse, it was one built by money, one built by land and cows, and Rafe knew somehow Olivia had helped. Olivia had stolen that tiny starter cottage by the highway, where there was a lawn and the sound of trucks and concrete, where it was almost Chicago but better, the suburbs, and she'd created the exact opposite of Natalia's old life. A farmhouse in the middle of the country.

So like Jane Austen that Rafe never believed, when he set foot on that lawn, that he was in fucking Illinois.

Except for the cows.

The house was sleeping. He stood in the narrow hallway, between Olivia's room and Natalia's. Emma's room was there, past Olivia's, past the bathroom. And his room, around the little bend, back next to Olivia's again. Everyone slept alone. All alone in their little cells. Not what he'd pictured for his first night back.

His chest hurt so much he could barely breathe. He peered into the darkness, where his room lay. His bed, the one Olivia bought him, with the promise that he could get his own, that he could have anything he wanted. A car. Diamonds. Mockingbirds. That he was welcome. That she was the intruder. That she was sick and her daughter--

His responsibility.

He looked from his mother's room to Emma's. He went to the bathroom and splashed cold water on his face. He wanted to puke. He wanted to sit there on the tile and breathe in the faint chlorine and well water smells, where everything was so clean.

He stood there instead and he thought. Olivia had helped make dinner--actually helped--boiling noodles and setting plates and picking spices. She'd brought food to Natalia first, and then Emma, and then Rafe. Mother and children. He'd met her eyes across the table before he picked up his fork and there was so much pain in them that he stared, relieved to see it, to see something real in this fantasy world that had been concocted for them all.

Then she raised her glass and he raised his.

Now, the walls were closing in. Why were they all in cells? He paced, from Olivia's room to Natalia's to Emma's to his own. He went in circles. He considered sleeping on the couch.

He opened the door to Emma's room, just to see. The nightlight that matched the hall light glowed mutely near the bed. Emma was on her stomach, clutching a stuffed doll. She'd gotten that for Christmas. She'd brought him pictures in prison, since she couldn't bring the doll.

He slipped inside. He slumped against the opposite wall, sliding down into a crouch. He just watched. His chest hurt less here. He could breathe.

* * *

The door creaked open. "Emma?" Natalia called.

Emma smiled up from her perch on the bed. She pointed.

Rafe Rivera, sprawled on his back on the carpet, mouth open, snoring. He looked--untangled. Loosened.

Natalia nudged his foot. "Rafe?"

Rafe grunted and rubbed his mouth. "Ow," he said.

"Rafe, you can't sleep here," Natalia said.

"Of course he can."

Olivia was behind her, sounding sleepy, eyes half-closed. She touched Natalia's shoulders, and repeated, "Of course he can."

Natalia frowned.

"Emma?" Olivia asked.

Emma sat up.

"Go start breakfast," Olivia said.

"What are we having?"

"Cereal. Four bowls."

Emma nodded, and slipped around them, stepping on Rafe's leg as she passed.

"Ow."

"Rafe--" Natalia started.

"Let me talk to him," Olivia said.

Natalia gave Olivia that frightened look, that deer in the headlights look that Rafe hated, but he kept quiet, since it wasn't directed at him.

Olivia ignored her and turned to Rafe.

Natalia went away.

Rafe tucked his hands behind his head and looked up at her.

Olivia knelt, and said, "We've got those wheelie cots at the Beacon. I'll have one brought over, until you pick your own bed. Rafe, you should have just told us you--" she stopped and shook her head. "I'll explain it to Natalia."

"Explain what?"

Olivia straightened. "Emma needs you just as much, Rafe. She's only ever had... me."

What he knew and what he could imagine of Emma's first seven years on Earth flashed through his mind. Only Olivia, the way he had only ever had his mother. Just the two of them, and everything outside of them being chaos. It would drive anyone crazy.

Olivia gave him a half-smile and then went out, leaving the door open.

Giving him an escape route.

* * *

The only sound coming from the kitchen was Emma's crunching. Rafe crept up. Silence in prison meant tension. Meant something had already happened and something worse was on the brink. His mother stood at the sink, shaking her head at Olivia. Olivia had tears in her eyes.

Emma read the side of the cereal box. She chewed.

Natalia started. "He's a grown man--"

"Look," Olivia said. "Emma's only ever had me." Olivia picked a line and stuck with it. "Ever. And I almost died. Remember? She would have been all alone."

"She had Ava--"

"Who had herself committed later that year, you know that."

"And Jeff--" Natalia didn't finish that sentence.

Rafe wondered if that was his fault. He'd nearly killed Jeffrey. The man who could have taken care of Emma if Olivia had died. If Olivia had died and he'd murdered Jeffrey--Well, that would have sucked for Emma. He found it hard to breathe, looking at his cousin. He looked away, back at the women.

Natalia shook her head. "She had me, and Gus. She was loved."

"That's right." Olivia took Natalia's hands. "She has you. She has a family. Let her experience that, and if something happens... the transition won't be so bad."

"The transition? That won't matter." Natalia's voice was choked.

Rafe couldn't stand it anymore, that tension. He focused again on Emma, who was lifting the bowl to her lips to drink the milk. He was probably going to hurt her, just like he had his mother, and Daisy, and Gus, and anyone who'd ever tried to help him. Help him not be him. He'd steal her toys and get tired of her and wish for privacy when she wanted love and wish for love when she wanted privacy.

He went and sat beside her. She pushed the cereal meant for him toward him.

He picked up a spoon.

"Milk first, stupid," Emma said.

"Emma," Natalia said sharply.

Emma sighed. "Milk first, Rafe," she said.

Rafe grinned and reached for the milk carton.

Emma muttered, "Stupid."

"At least I don't drink from the bowl," he whispered back. "Like an animal."

"I am not an animal!"

Olivia looked over.

Rafe froze.

Emma glanced from the milk carton to Rafe's face, and hissed like a cat.

Rafe growled like a dog.

Emma shrieked.

Olivia went back to staring at his mother, who was laughing, and reaching for her, to bring her closer.

* * *

Rafe's Third Morning Back

"I love this place," Natalia said, looking out at the lawn. The cement stoop was warm under her bare feet. Rafe was sweaty from his jog, and free, and alive.

"It's nice," Rafe said. His tone was noncommittal.

She bumped his knee. She loved sitting next to her son on this stoop, on this land, that had been once owned by a princess. She thought she would miss her home more, the little row house. Her own room. Her posters. Pictures of Gus. But there was peace in this farmhouse. She breathed it in. She smiled at her son.

"You seem happy, Ma," Rafe said.

"I am."

He nodded.

"Rafe," she started. Then stopped.

He nudged her shoulder.

"Rafe," she said again. "I used to tell you things. All kinds of things. My crushes. My dreams. My secret recipes."

"I never could cook the way you could," he said.

"Your talents lie elsewhere," she said. "But we stopped talking. After we moved to Springfield, I guess. I got so wrapped up in things and you were becoming a man and I... didn't quite know what to do."

"I wasn't exactly telling you about Daisy, either," he said.

She shook her head and smiled.

"Or anything else," he added.

"I never had many friends here. And when you went away to Europe, and then you went to prison, I didn't have anyone at all." She squeezed his knee before he could say anything, and said, "I started talking to Olivia then, I guess. She asked, you know? How I was doing, how you were."

"Why?"

"She was lonely. And she was worried about you, out there all by yourself."

"Yeah."

"But you and I, we should talk more," she said.

Rafe leaned back. "Okay. What do you want to tell me?"

She turned toward him, blinking against the sunlight. She shaded her eyes. "I want to tell you... I'm happy here. Living here with you and Emma and Olivia makes me happy."

"Does it really? Sometimes things seem a little tense. With you and Olivia."

"Not all the time. Sometimes when we're sitting out here, like you and I are, or we're making coffee in the morning, or working together in the evening... that's when I'm most happy."

"When you're sitting around."

She smiled.

"With Olivia Spencer."

"Sounds weird, doesn't it?"

"I wouldn't believe it," he said, "If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes."

She nodded and looked back out at the lawn.

"Ma, you and Olivia... Not in a gay way, right?"

Natalia laughed.

"That's funny?"

"A few months ago, I wouldn't have even known what you were talking about. But then Olivia explained to me that people around town were... getting the wrong idea."

Rafe nodded. "People stick their nose in."

"And they shouldn't. Gossip is a sin, Rafe. And it complicates simple things."

"Maybe it's too simple," Rafe said. "I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop."

"You sound like Olivia."

"What, you don't worry?"

"I worry, sure. I don't want anyone in my family to get hurt. But when I sit out here, with you, strong and healthy and beautiful, and the sunlight, why should I conjure up anything bad? This is wonderful. I'm going to enjoy it."

Rafe chuckled. "You sound determined."

"I am. And you better enjoy it, too, Rafe, if you know what's good for you."

"I'm trying, Ma. All this space makes me a little... queasy. But I'm trying. I promise."

* * *

Monday

He wore his best suit, the one he'd worn to court over and over, and the collar dug into his neck. He wiped his sweaty palms. Across the desk, Olivia looked implacable. She looked nothing like she did at home, small and funny. This Olivia scared him. He didn't like it.

She had his resume in her hands, and he didn't like that either.

"Look, Rafe," she said. "There's a lot of stuff you're qualified for. We could start you anywhere, dish washing, laundry, and if you work out, you could move up into customer service, or--"

"I'm not going to fucking wash dishes, Olivia," he said.

She looked at him with surprise--and what was that? Disappointment? Fuck that. She didn't say anything. She gave him all the space he needed.

"Olivia, I want a career. I don't want to be a bus boy my whole life. I don't want--"

"Like your mother? Being a maid her whole life? Hard work not good enough for you, Rafe?"

He sat up straighter. "That's not what I meant, and you know it. I--" When he realized she wasn't going to cut him off or yell at him, he took a moment to gather up his argument.

She tilted her head. The resume was still between her fingers, fluttering. A thin slip of nothing.

"I can't work for you, all right?" he finally said.

"Look, Rafe, this is just to get you back on your feet again. Just some spending money, something to--" she hesitated, but he saw in her face that she'd said something wrong and he pounced.

"Something to do, Olivia? To keep me out of trouble? Get me up in the morning?"

"The money--"

"Screw it. I'm not working for you, Olivia. You may own my mother, but you don't own me."

Her eyes widened.

He exhaled. There, he's said it. He hadn't meant to, but it was creeping him out, and now it was out in the open. Good.

"Is that what you think?" she asked.

But he hardened his jaw and didn't say anything. He wasn't going to let her turn it around.

Olivia sat up. She set the paper on her desk and folded her hands over it, and looked at him evenly. Still, she seemed small. Weak. She wet her lips before she spoke.

He wished she'd just spit it out. Like he had. So much easier that way. This fucking anticipation.

"Rafe, your mom--when I was sick she ran the business for me. She didn't just, like, carry out my orders. She made decisions. She managed everything. My personal life, Emma's life. She took care of us. I couldn't do it without her. Any of it. Yeah, I pay her, but it's like... a partnership. We're a partnership. You don't want a piece of that, that's fine. But don't slam your mother, Rafe."

His cheeks were red. He rubbed them.

Olivia said, "She's in a really good place right now. And I'm so grateful she's willing to help me."

"Whatever," he breathed. "Olivia, I can't owe you."

She settled her chin onto her clasped hands.

"I can't feel like I have to like, repay you for living in my own house. My mom's house--You're not even on the fucking mortgage, are you?"

"No."

"But you pay for half of it."

"I'm not just renting, Rafe. It's my home, too. Like it is yours. Like it is Emma's."

He looked away.

"Rafe, I just want to help."

"Why?"

"Because I like you. You're family. You need someone's help."

"If I hadn't gone to prison, I wouldn't have to deal with... this."

He was calm enough to pull his punches now. He didn't have to say, "You."

"Sure," she said. "We all have things that affect how we live our lives. Our own mistakes, and everyone else's. Gus running out on Natalia. Yeah, you going to prison. Look, if you hadn't gone to prison you'd just have hung around making fake IDs and mugging guys, right? Here's your chance to do something different. Here's your wake-up call."

"Cleaning rooms for mommy's friend isn't a wake-up call."

Olivia smiled. "Probably not."

"I guess I shouldn't work for Spaulding, either. And I can't be a cop. Not yet."

"That doesn't leave you with many options, Rafe."

He shook his head.

"I could make some calls?" she offered.

He stood up. "I'll be fine, Olivia."

She nodded.

"I'll see you at dinner."

* * *

The popsicle dripped over Natalia's fingers. She laughed and licked them, squinting at Olivia in the dusk.

Olivia daintily lifted her popsicle.

"Showoff," Natalia said.

Rafe said, "You should just eat it faster."

"It's too cold," Natalia said.

Emma giggled. She said, "You can hear the--what are they?"

Olivia squinted through the dusk. They hadn't turned the porch light on and the lawn was dark. "Frogs, I think, honey."

Rafe nodded.

"I like them," Emma said. "At the hotel you could only hear the air conditioner. Boring."

"Tell me about it," Olivia said.

Rafe knelt in front of Emma and tucked his popsicle stick behind his ear. He said, "In prison, guys would yell all night. It sounded kind of like the frogs."

"Why?" Emma asked.

"Because they missed their families," Rafe said.

"Did you?"

"Miss you guys? Definitely." Rafe said.

"You called out for Natalia?"

Rafe didn't look up. He said, "Yeah. I'd shout 'Ma!' and she'd hear me. She'd show up the next day."

Emma grinned.

Rafe said, "So if you shout it, your mom will show up, too. Or my mom."

"They're both my moms," Emma said. "They're both your moms, too."

Natalia held her breath.

Rafe looked up at Olivia. "Something like that, Em," he said.

Olivia said, "All right, it's dark. Emma, go get ready for bed. You can stay up and read, but no TV."

"I'll read you something," Rafe said.

"I'll read you something," Emma countered.

He straightened. "Yeah, what?"

She took his hand with her sticky one. "How about 'Frog and Toad'?"

Rafe chuckled and let himself be dragged inside.

"I sense a theme," Olivia said.

Natalia smiled. "I'm going to go wash my hands, and then I'll bring us some tea, all right?"

Olivia nodded.

When Natalia came back out, Olivia was sitting on the bench, looking out into the darkness. Natalia settled beside her and offered a mug.

"Thanks," Olivia said.

Natalia nodded.

Olivia said, "I love nights like this. I know summer's coming and it will get all gross, but this--it's perfect. Warm and sultry."

"Next time, I'll make iced tea," Natalia said.

Olivia smiled. "It's almost time."

Natalia sipped. She and Olivia would talk, maybe for a few minutes, maybe for an hour, and then they'd go in and pick up after the kids, and straighten out the last of the Beacon business for the night, and Olivia would put Emma to bed. Before all that, maybe they'd talk about work. Or the weather. Or Springfield. Or anyplace but Springfield. When what Natalia really wanted to do was be closer to Olivia. Just by an inch. She wanted to hug her, because it made her happy. She thought about her conversation with Rafe, and about her memory of kissing Olivia. About how she had told him, kind of. But not really.

That kiss would never happen again, but she held onto the memory.

Maybe there was something else. Something closer to her grasp.

Olivia turned to her and smiled that smile, that quiet 'Everything is all right in Olivia's world' smile.

Natalia put down her mug. She scooted close enough to Olivia to wrap an arm around her back, along the bench, and tuck her cheek against Olivia's shoulder.

Olivia pressed her cheek to Natalia's hair. "Natalia?"

"Hm?"

"You all right?"

"I'm perfectly content," Natalia said.

"And very mysterious," Olivia said.

"That, too. But perfectly content."

Olivia reached for Natalia's hand in her lap and held it. "Me too, then," she said.

They stayed like that for long minutes, listening to the trees rustle and the insects chirp, as the tea cooled. Olivia shifted, and Natalia felt lips against her hair. She ran her fingers over Olivia's. Olivia's warm breath touched her temple.

Natalia wanted everything to stop. She wanted the feelings to wash over her and through her, without adding anything more. The fear rose and subsided. Her fingers had stopped, and so Olivia had stopped, too. Was Olivia really so responsive? Natalia drew back.

Olivia smiled. She asked nothing, seemed to expect nothing. She just seemed to smile.

"You are, aren't you?" Natalia asked.

"Perfectly," Olivia said. She tilted her head, almost smirking.

Natalia leaned in until her forehead pressed against Olivia's. Still, Olivia didn't move. Didn't reach. Natalia kissed Olivia's cheek, lingering, until Olivia turned her head, just enough that Natalia could feel the answering gust of breath.

It wasn't fair to take advantage of Olivia's patience like this. It wasn't fair to take such comfort from her.

Natalia stood.

Olivia's gaze followed her.

"Thank you, Olivia."

A nearly imperceptible nod.

Natalia took both mugs and stepped onto the threshold. "It works both ways, you know. I'm here if you need me, Olivia."

Seeing Olivia's eyebrows raise like that was worth it. Natalia smiled as she went into the kitchen. If Olivia wanted to hug her spontaneously while she did the dishes, or stroke her hair while they read to Emma, well, that was only fair. Give and take. They were comfortable with each other, and that was good.

Then she realized that Olivia would probably interpret that by smacking her on the ass the next time she passed in the hallway.

Natalia smiled as she poured the tea down the drain. Let Olivia try.

* * *

 

 

II.

Wednesday, Two Weeks Later

"I'm looking for Rafe Rivera."

The voice, smooth and authoritative, made Rafe freeze. He leaned against the door to the stockroom.

Jeffery O'Neill stood at the checkout counter, visible through the shelf slats.

"I think he's in the stock room," Rafe's boss, Kal, said. "I'll call him."

Rafe retreated into the stock room, answered the phone, and then crept back out in time to hear Jeffery's question.

"How's he working out?"

"Rafe? He's a good kid. Works hard. Spends his breaks texting girls. But then, who wouldn't? When he's on the clock, he puts a lot of back into it."

"Gets that from his mother," Jeffery said.

Rafe moved forward, folding his arms.

Kal said, "She seems like a nice woman. Has picked him up from here a few times. But it's the other one..."

"Olivia Spencer?" Jeffery asked.

"Yes. I have to say, Rafe isn't what I expected when I heard teenaged ex-convict, but I wasn't too thrilled at the outset."

"Oh yeah?"

Jeffery O'Neill's calm, interested tone never wavered, never escalated. Rafe wished he could extract information from people like that, giving them openings, making it sound like he was on their side. His own choices were usually shell-shocked silence or hysteria, and he never stayed silent for long.

Kal said, "Just between you and me, the other one, Ms. Spencer, she promised to cover any damages that might result. Even put it in writing."

"Did she. Well, that's Olivia for you."

"I haven't had to worry, though. He's a good kid. Helps with anything I ask. Especially since my back... anyway. You a friend of his?"

"In a manner of speaking."

Rafe gave up and walked to the counter. "Hey," he said.

"Hi, Rafe." Jeffery offered his hand.

Rafe shook it, but didn't say anything else. Practicing silence.

Your move, guy.

Jeffery said, "I'm here to invite you to dinner. What's your schedule?"

Rafe rubbed the back of his head. "You want to what?"

Jeffery glanced at Kal, then stepped to the opposite side of the room. Rafe followed reluctantly.

Jeffrey said, "I'd like to clear the air a bit. Talk man to man. Now that you're out of prison. I know I'm not your court-appointed mentor, but I still thought we could... talk."

"Did my mother put you up to this?"

"No, no. I came up with this on my own. I haven't spoken to your mother."

"What about Olivia?"

Jeffery's eyes narrowed and Rafe knew that Jeffery knew he'd overheard.

Rafe waited.

Jeffery said, "I haven't told her, either."

"Everyone's so damn helpful. Poor Rafe," Rafe said.

Jeffery smiled.

"But okay. Sure, I guess. Sounds good."

"Are you free tomorrow night?"

Jeffery made it sound like a date or something. Rafe frowned but nodded.

"Meet me here in town? We'll go to Brio's."

"You're not going to tell me what to wear?"

Jeffery's smile widened. "Whatever the hell you want."

* * *

Rafe's shift ended at seven, when the store closed on Wednesdays. Natalia had dinner waiting for him at the kitchen table. Emma had eaten earlier and was up reading with Olivia before bed, but there were three place settings.

"Olivia joining us?" Rafe asked, as Natalia ladled pollo guisado into his bowl.

"Hopefully," Natalia said. Her tone was noncommittal.

"When she's good and ready?"

"That's why I made stew. So it'd be flexible enough to eat as a family."

Rafe scooped red beans and rice onto a side plate. He didn't say anything.

Olivia came into the kitchen. "Smells wonderful."

Rafe folded his hands on the table.

Natalia served Olivia, and then herself, and they sat. Rafe reached out his hand instinctively, and his mother took it. For his whole life they'd eaten like this, at the cracked vinyl table shoved into the kitchen in Chicago. Until they moved to Springfield, and he started eating at Daisy's, or Alan's, or Buzz's. They'd left each other, his mother and him, to find their own happiness. And now here they were again, in this house. At this table. He had to strain to clasp Olivia's fingers, which were cold in his. He frowned. Natalia held Olivia's other hand, and cupped her fingers, as if she were trying to warm them.

So she noticed too.

Natalia asked, "Rafe, would you like to say the blessing?"

"Sure."

Olivia sad, "In Latin."

Rafe rolled his eyes, but said, "Benedic, Domine, nos et haec tua dona quae de tua largitate sumus sumpturi. Per Christum Dominum nostrum. Amen."

"Amen," Natalia said, and gave Olivia a sharp look.

Olivia said, "It just gets so boring, the same thing every night. Unless Emma's here for 'Good grace let's eat.'"

"Why don't you take a turn, then?" Natalia asked. She let go of Olivia's hand.

Rafe also retreated, picking up his fork.

"Okay. Tomorrow night." Olivia grinned.

"You don't know what you're asking, Ma."

Olivia winked at Rafe.

Rafe said, "That reminds me, I won't be here to witness such a miracle. Jeffery O'Neill invited me to dinner."

"Jeffery O'Neill?" Natalia raised her eyebrows.

Olivia pushed away her bowl.

"He said he wants to like, talk man to man, now that I'm out of prison."

Natalia glanced at Olivia, who glanced away.

Rafe asked, "That's...okay, right?"

Natalia pursed her lips.

"Of course it is, Rafe," Olivia said. "Jeffery's a good man. He really wants to help you."

"Yeah, I know," Rafe said.

Olivia straightened. "Well, you'll miss the fun. I'll cook, too."

"You've got work--" Natalia started.

"I'll take the afternoon off, pick up Emma from school. She'll help me."

"And if the soy farmer's association implodes in the banquet hall?"

"I'll have you to look after them," Olivia said. She met Natalia's eyes and smiled.

Natalia shook her head, but smiled back.

Rafe scooped chicken onto his spoon, feeling excluded from whatever was going on, but relieved to eat in peace. To eat without having to protect his food, or hear the noise of a hundred men shouting around him. The quiet was almost better than the food.

Olivia watched him eat for a moment, and then began to eat, too.

From upstairs, Emma called out.

Olivia glanced up.

Natalia put her napkin down. "I'll go."

"You sure?"

Natalia put her hand on Olivia's shoulder. "Please eat. How many martinis did you have for lunch?"

Olivia frowned, watching Natalia leave the kitchen.

Rafe raised his eyebrows.

Olivia said, "Just one."

Rafe ate some beans.

Olivia said, "But I didn't have anything else."

"Geez. Mom's going to kill you."

"It's not what she thinks." Olivia leaned across the table. "I knew it was chicken stew night. A good meal must begin with hunger."

Rafe said, "If she knew that..."

"She'd probably make her cooking worse, for the sake of my health."

Rafe shook his head. "She wouldn't. She's too busy trying to impress you."

Olivia hesitated, and so did he. Then she said, "It's working."

* * *

Thursday

Rafe, in khakis he'd owned himself and a polo shirt that had mysteriously appeared hanging on his door, walked into Brio's at six fifty five. Jeffery was at the bar, but had been watching for him, and patted the man beside him on the shoulder and then walked to Rafe.

Jeffery wore a suit--probably the one he'd worn to court--but he'd taken off his tie.

"Two," Jeffery said to the hostess.

"No reservations?" Rafe asked.

"Not really that kind of place, I guess," Jeffery said, as they followed the woman to a table in the back corner.

Rafe nodded. He appreciated that the restaurant was neither too fancy to make him uncomfortable, like Towers, nor too cheap to make him feel insulted, like Pizza Hut.

Jeffery was a creepily canny guy.

Rafe settled into his seat and let Jeffrey tell him all about some damn baby while they ordered and ate the first course. He wasn't used to meals with courses. Unless he counted dessert.

"So Rafe," Jeffrey started. "How's it living at the farmhouse?"

"It's fine. It's... nice, actually."

"Olivia giving you any trouble?"

Rafe grinned. "No, she's--She doesn't boss me around or anything. Even though she's kind of--Um--"

"Olivia?"

"Yeah. She's still Olivia. Just in our house."

"But not driving you crazy."

"Not yet," Rafe said. He took a bite of bread.

"And the job?"

"S'fine."

"I know you didn't have a job before you...went away..."

"I was still in high school, man," Rafe said. "And when Gus--I just wanted to take care of my mother, you know? She was really hurting when Gus died. She didn't have anyone."

Jeffrey nodded. "I remember."

Rafe continued, "But when I got back, Olivia was there. I think she's doing a better job of it than I was. Mom's happier, at least."

Jeffrey nodded and adjusted his napkin.

"Is that what you wanted to talk to me about?" Rafe asked. "Olivia?"

"Well--Yes." Jeffrey still didn't meet his eyes.

Rafe stuffed another roll in his mouth, and then said around it, "Out with it, man."

"Right. Yeah. Well, it's a big deal that Olivia's letting you live with her. A young man such as--"

"Letting me? It's my house."

"It's your mother's house, and Emma's house, and please don't tell me I have to spell out what Olivia would do if that were ever threatened."

Rafe swallowed.

Jeffrey said, "I invited you to dinner because I suspect that you, as an ex-con, probably aren't feeling too good these days. You probably don't know who you are."

Rafe bristled. "I know who I'm not. A smarmy asshole lawyer."

Jeffrey smiled. "Certainly not. Unlike me, you're a good man."

Rafe narrowed his eyes.

"Let me tell you what Olivia sees."

"I just ate."

"First of all, she sees Gus."

"I know--"

"Let me continue. She loved Gus, yes, because he was a good guy. A hero. And he took care of her, the way you take care of your mother."

Rafe nodded.

"I think Olivia knows, because your mother raised you right, because you have your mother and father in you, that no matter how angry you get, you would never really hurt anyone, Rafe. You're decent."

"I shot you," Rafe said.

"It was an accident."

"It was," Rafe said. "I hope you know--"

"I do. And so does Olivia. And she knows that you would never hurt anyone, Rafe. Especially not a woman. You would never strike your girlfriend, or take advantage of anyone easy or drunk, or--"

"I don't manipulate anyone. That's Olivia's deal."

Jeffrey's smile got thinner. "Right. But it's your mother's doing. You probably just think this is how men are supposed to act."

"Uh, yeah. I couldn't imagine like, treating Ashlee Wolfe like shit. Or not helping Daisy if she needed me."

"Or Emma?"

"If anyone touched Emma I would--I would--"

"I know," Jeffrey said. "And so does Olivia. She has nothing to fear from you."

Rafe laughed. "Dude. Nothing to fear? You think I'm some kind of prince because I don't, what, tap bitches? I'm not Gus, man. I've said--" He hesitated.

Jeffrey stretched out his legs. "What have you said to Olivia?"

Rafe scoffed. "It doesn't matter. It never matters what I say to Olivia. She looks right through me. She's like, untouchable."

Jeffrey looked amused.

Rafe rolled his eyes. "She went to the governor to get me transferred. She made this huge big scene. Even though my mom and I didn't want her to. I told her not to. She probably called you."

"She did. You didn't stop her?"

"I couldn't stop her. I couldn't--" Rafe looked at Jeffrey. "Maybe I'm just a coward, man."

"Like you said, Olivia's unstoppable. And cowards take the easy way out. I've never seen you take the easy way out."

Rafe rubbed his jaw. He said, "You know. If I had known about Daisy--If I had been able to--I never would have let that happen. I would have taken care of her. Of everything."

Jeffrey nodded. "Just like Olivia did, with you in prison."

"Fuck that. I don't want to talk about this anymore." Rafe paused. "Why are you telling me all this?"

"Because I wanted to say--I want you to understand that Olivia's not going anywhere. She's not just staying at the farmhouse. That's her home now. Permanently. And yours, too. You two are going to have to be in each other's lives for a very long time. Possibly forever."

Rafe exhaled.

Jeffrey shrugged. "Okay. Let's talk about something else then."

If Jeffrey was going to pull out those pictures of Colin, Rafe would rather talk about his wounded soul some more. He'd even tell Jeffrey how he had failed at everything in the last few years.

His whole damn life.

But Jeffrey just said, "Tell me about your favorite place in Chicago."

* * *

Natalia came into a home smelling of roasting chicken, and Emma running up to her with a giant smile on her face.

"Natalia!" Emma declared, throwing her arms around Natalia's waist.

This, Natalia thought. If there was never anything more than this, she already had more blessings than she deserved.

"Hi, Emma," Natalia said. She put down her purse and knelt.

Emma beamed. "We've been waiting for you. Are you hungry?"

"I'm starved. I was at church. I lit a candle for you."

Olivia, at the stove, grunted.

Natalia straightened, letting Emma take her hand and pull her toward the kitchen table. "I lit one for you too," she said to Olivia's back.

Olivia looked over her shoulder and smiled.

Natalia sat down at the table.

Emma held aloft a butter knife. No preamble. Just food. "You put the dip on the knife, and then spread it on the cracker like this." She drew back a towel covering toasted circles of bread, and messily dipped the knife into white cream. "This one's my favorite. Even though squeezing water out of the cucumbers takes forever." She gave Natalia a comically exhausted look.

Natalia smiled.

Emma crammed toast into her mouth.

Olivia said, "Oh, geez. You eat like Rafe. Like this." She sat down next to Natalia and delicately picked up bread, and then spread something dusky green on it. She lifted it to Natalia's lips.

Natalia smiled and accepted it, and chewed.

She expected what Emma had promised, crackers and spread, but this was something else entirely. The warm bread crackled between her teeth, and there was spice there, too, in the crust. And the strong taste of olives came, and the fainter tastes of tomatoes and oil. She swallowed.

"Now this one," Olivia said.

Natalia took the toast, covered liberally with the same white sauce that Emma had devoured. Garlic invaded her mouth, and just after it, something so fresh and clean and sweet she gasped.

Olivia looked smug.

Natalia chewed and said, "Tzatziki isn't very French."

"I cheated a little. I know how much you love it. And Emma loves it."

"And you love it," Natalia said.

Olivia dipped her finger in the tzatziki and licked it off. "I do," she said.

Natalia shook her head.

Olivia got up and went to the fridge. "There's one more."

"Mom says I can't have any," Emma said, as she dipped toast in the tapenade.

"And why's that?" Olivia asked.

"Because I don't have a developed... palette."

Olivia nodded. She opened the container and picked up a clean knife.

"Olivia, where did you get foie gras in Springfield?"

"I had it shipped to the Beacon."

Natalia accepted the toast, letting Olivia feed it to her again, barely able to focus on the way Olivia's fingers lingered along her cheek as she tasted. The richness was--

Sinful.

Emma tugged at Olivia's arm. "Please?"

Olivia handed her toast.

Emma took a tentative bite. "It tastes... boring."

"More," Natalia said.

Olivia obliged, preparing two more. Once Natalia had eaten what was offered, once she'd been transported to a place of decadence, even though the hunger she'd come into the farmhouse with still lingered, even though Emma had tapenade on her cheek and Olivia was back at the stove again, stirring, not paying attention to her, Natalia had the presence of mind to take off her suit jacket, kick off her heels, and actually look around.

Yellow daffodils sat in a vase on the table. The first of spring. Emma had a card at her side of the table, but she covered it with her hands when she noticed Natalia looking. A chubby candle, white and unscented, burned on the sideboard.

And the smell.

"Apples?" she asked.

Olivia glanced at her, but only gave her a secretive smile.

Natalia reached for the tzatziki. "How was school?" she asked Emma.

"It was great. I got out early! Mommy brought a note to my teacher. And then we--" she glanced at Olivia.

"Go ahead and tell her, Emma," Olivia said.

"We went shopping. And got cheese. It doesn't come in slices! Only blocks. It's a lot of cheese."

Natalia grinned.

"And Mommy let this guy carry all her groceries to the car. He was really nice, and she--"

"Em."

Emma giggled.

Natalia asked, "Not a Bauer or anything, I hope."

"Nope," Olivia said.

The scent of chicken was overpowering. Natalia wondered what her breaking point might be.

Olivia opened wine and poured it for Natalia, and then herself, and ladled chicken onto plates. And--

"Brussels sprouts?" Natalia asked with dismay.

"Trust me," Olivia said.

"Trust you?"

Emma said, "I've never had them in my whole life. Mommy said this was a special occasion."

Natalia said, "I have. When I was pregnant with Rafe, I lived in a big house with lots of other girls, and we ate all sorts of vegetables that had been boiled to death. It was tragic."

Olivia grinned.

Emma accepted her plate graciously.

Natalia gazed upon the chicken placed before her. She reached for her fork.

"Uh uh," Olivia said, taking Natalia's hand. "I promised you grace."

Natalia's stomach growled.

Olivia reached for Emma's hand, and squeezed. Natalia reluctantly took Emma's free hand, though it meant moving farther from the chicken.

"Thank you," Olivia said. "Thank you for saving my life. For taking care of me every day. For giving my daughter a home."

Though Olivia was staring right at her, it took Natalia a moment to realize that Olivia was speaking only to her, not to God.

Olivia said, "Thank you for feeding me, and for saving my business when I was going to lose everything, and for giving me a new heart when mine was broken, not just from being sick but from losing my only friend. Thank you for giving me so much that I don't want for anything. I need nothing else. And I have never been in that position in my whole life, Natalia."

Natalia gaped.

Olivia leaned over and kissed Natalia's fingers. Then she looked at Emma.

Emma let go of hands and offered over the paper she'd been hiding. Construction paper, folded in half to make a card, with "Thank you, Natalia" written boldly on the front.

Natalia opened the card. Emma recited its contents for her.

"Thank you, Natalia, for being a good mommy and coming to my school and for having Rafe so I could have a big brother. Love, Emma."

Natalia swallowed.

Olivia waited, watching her, but Natalia shook her head, unable to speak.

"For crying out loud," Olivia muttered. "Bless us for these thy gifts we are about to receive."

"Amen," Natalia said, instinctively, looking down at her plate. The chicken swam in a blur beneath her.

Emma glanced at Olivia.

Olivia picked up her fork and clinked it with Emma's. "Let's eat."

The chicken was as divine as the appetizers had been, rich and sweet with tartness behind the flavors, with onions better than she had ever tasted, and brussels sprouts that were forgiving and sweet and drenched in butter. The wine was like crunching into a crisp, autumn apple.

Natalia ate, and was still hungry, and watched with dismay as Olivia put the chicken into Tupperware, instead of on her plate.

Emma brought her cheese, hard and slightly bitter and thick, and they ate while Olivia cleaned.

"Goodness, Olivia," Natalia complained. "Why don't you do this every night?"

"It took six hours. I'd have to quit my job."

Emma grinned. "You should, mommy."

"I know. But life is about choices."

Natalia picked up another square of cheese and beckoned Olivia with it.

Olivia plucked it from her fingers and popped it into her mouth, but then took the cheese plate away and stuck it in the fridge.

"You keep taking food away," Natalia said.

"I want you to have room for dessert."

Natalia groaned.

"See?"

A horn honked.

Emma got up.

"Have fun, Em," Olivia said.

"She's leaving?"

Emma darted out the door.

"Play date. They're going to mini golf."

"This late on a school night?"

"Natalia, it's seven o'clock. They'll be back by nine."

"She missed dessert."

Olivia grinned. She set down a chocolate tart in front of Natalia. "Homemade," she declared.

"Olivia."

Olivia sat down next to her and cut a slice for each of them. Natalia picked up her fork in her right hand, but groped for Olivia with her left.

Olivia clasped her fingers.

"Thank you," Natalia said.

"It's nothing."

"It's not nothing." Natalia squeezed her hand. "It means a lot to me."

Olivia gave her a small smile.

"I don't know how I can cook for you after this."

"I like it when you cook for me."

Natalia tilted her head.

Olivia's smile got wider. "And when you do my laundry."

"And when I change your sheets?"

"Everything," Olivia said.

"Well, you are doing this more often."

Olivia nodded. "Try the tart. It'll change your life."

"Awfully sure of ourselves, aren't we?"

Olivia rubbed her fingers.

Natalia smiled and took a bite. She waited for transformation, but with chocolate on her tongue and Olivia's hand in hers, the happiness she'd felt since walking in the door only continued.

Olivia bumped her shoulder.

"All right, all right, it's good," Natalia said.

Olivia lifted her fork.

* * *

Rafe walked through the kitchen and into the living room, thinking of nothing but brushing his teeth and changing his shirt, of ridding himself of the garlic smell that clung to him. On the couch, Natalia and Olivia were both asleep, at mostly opposite ends. Natalia's bare feet were in Olivia's lap. Olivia's head was thrown back, her mouth open, and she snored.

"Geez, guys," Rafe said. "What do you guys do when I'm not here?"

The television was on. Rafe ignored it and knelt by Olivia. "Olivia."

"Wha--?"

"Wake up, Olivia. It's time to go to bed."

Olivia blinked, and worked her jaw, and then groggily focused on Rafe.

Rafe raised his hand and waved at her.

Olivia surveyed. She said, "Natalia fell asleep and I didn't have the heart to wake her, so I was just going to wait until you got home and..."

"You were snoring."

Olivia tightened her jaw.

Rafe looked over his shoulder. "PBS? Really?"

"You can buy the girl digital cable, but you can't make her watch it," Olivia said.

Rafe snorted and went over to Natalia. "Ma, wake up."

Olivia got to her feet. She turned off the TV.

Natalia grunted.

"Ma, you have to sleep upstairs. You'll get a crick in your neck. Look, I'm home safe and sound."

Natalia didn't open her eyes, but she asked, "How was dinner with Jeffery?"

Olivia tensed.

"It was fine. Nice. He said a lot of... interesting things."

"How interesting?" Olivia asked.

Rafe didn't look at her, just helped Natalia to her feet. "Stuff about being a man, about Gus. Like, guidance counselor stuff, I guess."

Natalia nodded.

Olivia said, "Well. I'm going to bed. Rafe, are you still hungry?"

He shook his head.

"There's leftovers in the fridge if Brio's doesn't sit right." She grinned.

Rafe asked, "So, how was Olivia's cooking?"

Natalia brushed Olivia's arm. "Wonderful."

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Goodnight."

Natalia and Rafe watched her climb the stairs, holding onto the railing, moving slowly.

Rafe asked, "She had fun, didn't she?"

"Yes. We both did. I had no idea she could cook. Or be such a companionable dinner host."

"And then you guys watched Masterpiece Theater?"

"NOVA," Natalia said.

Rafe sighed. "You're the most boring people ever."

"Don't you dare say that when Olivia is around. She'll start trouble."

Rafe grinned. "Not if I start it first."

Natalia threw up her hands. "Go to bed, young man. I'll straighten up here."

"Don't fall asleep at the kitchen table," Rafe said.

"I promise. Not where anyone can see. And take pictures. And start trouble." She squeezed his arm and went into the kitchen.

He looked around the empty living room and smiled.

* * *

 

 

III.

Saturday

Olivia had a reputation for sleeping in, but by 10 o'clock, Natalia had re-heated breakfast twice and then gone looking.

"Olivia?" she knocked at Olivia's bedroom door.

No answer.

She turned the knob. Olivia was mostly asleep, but grunted when the door opened. She'd kicked off the covers and was sprawled on her back on top of them, eyes squeezed shut, wearing silk pajamas but revealing bare feet.

Natalia crept to the bathroom to get the stethoscope and the returned, settling onto the bed by Olivia's shoulder. She put the stethoscope in her ears. She warmed the metal before sliding it under Olivia's collar, toward her heart. Her fingers touched the scars. Olivia tried to roll away.

"Olivia."

"I'm fine. Just tired."

Natalia listened to her heartbeat. Strong and steady. No arrhythmia she could detect. No strangled pace. No gurgle. She took one earpiece out, unwilling to stray from the thumping, loud proof of life, since there was none forthcoming from the lump on the bed.

"Why aren't you awake?" she asked.

"Am."

"You need to eat something."

"Not hungry."

Natalia gave up on the stethoscope. She tugged at Olivia's hands. "Then you need to exercise. Come on."

Olivia groggily sat up.

Natalia said, "You haven't been running in days."

Olivia shrugged.

"Go, go on."

Olivia shook her head. "Come with me."

"No way."

"Come with me, or I'm not going."

"Olivia."

Olivia's eyes opened fully. She smiled. "We'll take a walk."

"That's not quite as healthy as--"

"You and me, once around the lawn."

"Fine." Natalia stood and tugged Olivia to her feet.

"I'll change," Olivia said.

"If you're not down in three minutes, I'm coming back."

Olivia narrowed her eyes.

Natalia went to the door. "180... 179... "

Olivia threw a pillow at her.

That was exercise.

* * *

"We made it," Natalia said, breathing deeply as she stepped under the first tree of the treeline.

"We have to walk back," Olivia said.

"Oh, that's easy."

"I'm not the one out of breath."

"Don't be a smart-ass."

Olivia grinned.

Natalia was happy to see her smile, and relieved that Olivia was indeed not out of breath, nor overly sluggish. There was still something clouding her eyes. She wasn't all there. Natalia turned her attention the farmhouse. From this distance it seemed small, flanked by their cars, the porch spreading out to beckon them back. But her affection for it was palpable in her own chest.

"It's like a castle," she said.

"You certainly have me trapped in a turret," Olivia said.

Natalia pushed her arm.

Olivia considered the farmhouse. She asked, "Does it make you happy, Natalia?"

"Yes. Wicked witch and all. Don't you forget it."

"I'm glad."

Rafe darted out the front door, headphones in his ears, and jogged down the driveway toward the road.

Olivia scowled.

"Look how strong my boy is," Natalia said. "How alive."

"Race you back to the farmhouse," Olivia said.

"Oh, no, I don't think so."

But Olivia was already off, loping across the grass.

"He doesn't even see you," Natalia murmured.

She lingered under the tree, and presently Rafe jogged toward her, looping up from the next farm over, crossing the grass.

He slowed to a walk, and then stopped, breathless, beside her.

"Hey, Rafe," she said.

"Hey." He followed her gaze. "It's a nice house, Ma."

"It is. I don't think I thank Olivia enough for it."

Rafe scratched his face. "You bought it."

"With Gus's house."

"Yeah."

"Which Olivia gave me for free."

He frowned. "You gave Olivia ten thousand dollars for that house. I mean, I know it wasn't what it was worth, but it covered the rest of the mortgage, right?"

"She gave it back." She turned to look at him.

"Why?"

"So I could fly to Europe. Remember?"

"I thought that was just a loan. You didn't pay her back?"

Natalia lowered her gaze.

"Ma. You couldn't?"

"I tried. I mean, I would have. I--" She sighed.

Rafe looked at the farmhouse. "So, in return, she's--like this. Do you think you can cure her?"

"Of course."

She said it with such certainty that his eyes widened, and then he grinned.

"Don't you?" she asked.

"I don't have your faith, Ma. Not in this."

She was silent, watching him think. Watching his beautiful mind work. She wanted to stroke his face.

"It's just a house, Ma," he finally said. "We could sell it and go back to Chicago. Or anywhere we wanted. We don't have to stay in Springfield."

She shook her head. "We can't. There's work to be done here."

"Like taking care of Olivia?"

"Like that. When we came to Springfield, Rafe, there were so many people hurting. So many people with unhappy souls, with problems, with pain. We found Gus, and helped him. And got to know everyone he loved. You got to know Harley, and the Coopers, and Josh Lewis, and Alan Spaulding. Alan loves you, Rafe. Do you want to move away from your grandfather? From Frank? Olivia likes to talk about the 'people at the church' like they're a bunch of forest goblins. But they're these people. Our friends. Mallet and Daisy and Buzz and Jeffrey and Doris Wolfe and everyone at the Beacon. And Olivia, don't you see? She was at the center of it all, like Gus. Like this--"

"Black hole," he offered.

She smiled and touched his arm. "Like this black hole pulling me in. I can't leave. I'm... doing good. I'm doing the right thing."

Rafe asked, "What about me?"

She took his face fully between her hands. Her boy, with those kind eyes.

He tolerated her touch, but she could tell he hoped she had answers, and would make her regret it if she didn't.

"You're just like me."

He scoffed.

She said, "You're helping Daisy. I know she needs a friend right now. You've been with her through a lot."

"I've screwed up her--"

"Shush. Not as much as you think. I screwed up Gus, too. But he loved us. We loved him."

Rafe inhaled.

"You're helping Ashlee, too. And that will help Doris, who really needs all the help she can get."

"Please. From what Ashlee tells me, she doesn't deserve it."

"And Olivia does?"

"Come on, she does now. But--"

"Helping people you couldn't care less about is part of the deal."

"I know, I know."

"And if you want to go back to Chicago, or go somewhere else--I'll support you. And I'll visit you. And I'm sure Olivia would help you, too."

Rafe nodded, and looked away.

Natalia swallowed, and said, "But you're still healing. Let us take care of you here. Just while you get a little stronger. Okay?"

"It chafes, Ma."

She dropped her hands to his shoulders and squeezed. "All part of the program."

He sighed, and without really looking at her, stepped closer to bring her into his arms. She hugged him. He was strong already. Sturdy.

He'd be fine, she told herself. She prayed.

* * *

Monday

"Leftovers?" Rafe asked, as Natalia set out his plate of eggplant and skirt steak.

"I was tired after work today," Natalia said.

"I could have picked up Chinese. We're all tired. I work just as hard as you do."

Olivia raised her eyebrows.

Rafe glanced between them. "Well. Like. Comparatively. For a kid."

Natalia grinned. When she placed Olivia's plate, Olivia grabbed her wrist and said, "Thank you."

Natalia nodded and moved to the fridge.

Rafe glanced at Olivia. "It won't be as good as last night." He wanted to win the argument, even though he wasn't quite sure anymore what the prize was. Peanut butter and jelly, rather than ham hock and split pea soup, maybe, like when he was a kid. He smiled.

Olivia said, "I will eat whatever the hell your mother puts in front of me, Rafe."

He heard the implied Raphael in her tone. Though she'd never say it. She wouldn't dare. His hand tightened on his fork.

Olivia added, more quietly, "And I'll be grateful."

He stabbed at his eggplant. Then he dared to meet her eyes again. "Why?"

She looked at his mother and then back at him, but didn't say anything. He hated when Olivia did that. She thought way too much.

He stared.

Olivia ignored him, and simply smiled when Natalia sat beside her and reached for her hand.

He bowed his head.

Natalia said grace. He let go of Olivia's clammy fingers.

"Can I go see Ashlee tonight?" he asked, still feeling belligerent.

"Of course," Natalia said. "You don't have to--"

"Can I--"

"Yes," Olivia answered. "Keys are where they always are."

Victorious, Rafe deigned to shove reheated eggplant into his mouth. He chewed.

He repeated.

He barely paid attention to the women's discussion, something about painting the farmhouse, something about money, until his mother's voice rose.

"Don't," Natalia said, lifting her hand to forestall Olivia's next comment.

Olivia sat gaping, on the brink of saying something, her mouth open but frozen by Natalia.

Natalia said, "You really want to make a difference? Make things better? Then give everyone at the Beacon a five percent raise."

Olivia closed her mouth.

"You underpay your staff, Olivia. Why do you think I had to come to you to borrow money when Rafe was in trouble? You're like--You're like the company store."

Olivia's lips tensed. "They work on tips. They do a good enough job and--"

Natalia took a deep breath and said, "It's not about charity. It's about decency."

Olivia got up from the table. She hesitated, and then took her plate and fork. "Thank you for dinner, Natalia. It's very good. I think I'll turn in now." Then she strode out of the kitchen, her shoulders tense.

"Ma!" Rafe leaned over. "Why'd you have to do that? She's good enough to us."

"It's not the same thing."

"What the heck do you want?"

Natalia put her head in her hands. "I thought about our conversation yesterday. I'm always telling you how Olivia pushes me to be something more. Be better. I guess we're going to find out if it goes both ways."

"You made her feel guilty."

"She pissed me off!"

Rafe folded his arms.

Natalia looked up and sighed.

"I've never seen you two fight before," Rafe said.

"Really? Welcome to the party," Natalia said.

"This isn't really my kind of scene, Ma."

"Mine either. I should really go and--" She started to get up.

Rafe took her elbow. "Wait. Don't you want to see what she'll do?"

Natalia grinned. "Sometimes that's the best part."

* * *

Tuesday

Olivia avoided Natalia for most of the day at the Beacon, and Natalia, though with guilt in her heart, made it easy for her. She hid. She ran errands. She went to the bank with the deposits. She answered every complaint.

Then she got the text to go to Olivia's office. Summoned.

She knocked cautiously.

"Come in, Natalia. You don't have to knock," Olivia said.

"Never sure what I'm going to catch you doing."

Olivia grinned and purred, "Oh, you can trust me. Come here." She pivoted her monitor toward Natalia.

Natalia came around and perched on the desk.

"I did it," Olivia said.

"Did what?"

"Increased everyone's salary by 5%. It'll cut into overall profits, of course, and take things far closer to the break even point than I'd like, but hopefully everyone will work just a little bit harder and--"

Olivia faltered as Natalia stood and faced her.

"Olivia," Natalia said.

"I'm trying." Olivia offered a nervous smile. "I'm helping?"

Natalia put her arms around Olivia's shoulders and pulled her close. If she pressed her ear to Olivia's chest, she could hear Olivia's heartbeat. Thready. Hesitant.

"Oh, Olivia," she said.

Olivia's arm went around her waist, and pulled her closer, just as she was wondering if she should have pulled back already. But now she knew, if she lingered--Olivia's hand settled against the back of her head. Stroked her hair. Natalia straightened, so that her forehead was against Olivia's cheek. She closed her eyes.

"I was just going to give you a raise," Olivia said. "But this was probably overdue."

"Did you?"

"Did I what?" Olivia tried to pull back but Natalia tightened her a grip.

"Give me a raise?"

"Five percent. And I absorbed your health care premium."

"Absorbed," Natalia echoed.

She let Olivia hold her, wondering what to say that would be enough for all the gratitude she felt. The shame, but the happiness. She finally said, "I'll never test you again."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

Olivia stepped back, letting her hands trail down Natalia's arms, before meeting her eyes and smiling. "Really," Olivia said, "You could run this business."

"I couldn't. No. You--You do so much, Olivia. And that thing with Decker--"

"It was nothing."

"It wasn't nothing. It was--"

But Natalia didn't want to see that pain come into Olivia's features. Not when Olivia was smiling like that, all proud and skittish.

"What?" Natalia asked.

"I've done a good deed. I should at least get a kiss. Don't you think?"

Natalia just barely managed to keep from surging forward. She said, "I don't know. Last time you kissed me I think you bruised my lip."

Olivia stepped closer. "Last time you kissed me, it was very sweet."

So Olivia remembered that night on the porch.

So it had mattered.

Natalia asked, "Did you do this for me, Olivia?"

Olivia shook her head. "I want--I told you. Since I got this heart--I've been trying to be a better person. A new person. And that won't happen without pain. I can't just make easy choices. I needed a push. And you're pushy. So."

Natalia took her hands. "You are a good person."

Olivia smiled.

Under that radiance that smile made Natalia smile back, as big and broadly as she could. Those green eyes, that beckoned her, seeking the smallest reward for the biggest gesture, the way Olivia's hands traced hers, making promises, all made Natalia want to say what was just behind her breath. That she didn't want to look away. That Olivia was everything. That nothing else mattered.

Olivia tilted her head, pursing her lips quirkily.

Natalia said, "You are--I'm a different person, too."

"You didn't need to change," Olivia said.

Natalia lifted their linked hands, moving closer to Olivia. "I'm... happier. I think that changes someone."

Olivia said, "You have money now."

"It's not that. Do you have a one track mind?"

She had not always had money. She remembered, and would always remember, what it was like to drown without its life raft. But Olivia had been there, too. And even if she lost everything again--her beautiful home, her beautiful boy--Olivia would still be there.

Olivia said, "Yes."

"What?" She'd been caught thinking of Olivia's heart. Of Olivia's lips. How they curled. How they parted--

"Yes," Olivia said. "I have a one track mind."

Natalia laughed. She gripped Olivia's hands and tilted her face up and closed her eyes. Olivia leaned in to meet her. Olivia's kiss was sweet and barely perceptible. Natalia pressed into it, wanting more of the feel of Olivia's lips. She wished for the touch to be endless. Then Olivia's mouth slid across hers and she she wished for it not to be endless, but crescendo. She let go of Olivia's hands to wrap herself around Olivia's neck.

Olivia's mouth opened. Olivia said something.

"Don't stop," Natalia said.

Olivia kissed her again, settling her hands onto Natalia's waist, offering her breath through parted lips. The kiss deepened and Natalia's heart thudded in her chest and an ache began somewhere deep inside her. She broke the kiss and buried her face in Olivia's neck, clinging to her. Olivia held her close while she learned how to breathe again.

Natalia stepped back, smiling to ward off blushing.

Olivia said, "Please don't tell me I have to go bankrupt for that to happen again."

"Nope," Natalia said.

"I don't have to go bankrupt? Or... it will never happen again?"

"I guess you'll have to find out," Natalia said.

Natalia felt flirtatious and giddy and lighter than air. She fled Olivia's office to sit alone on a bench in the hallway, panting and smiling at the ceiling.

Olivia stuck her head through the door. "I see you."

Natalia scowled.

Olivia smiled.

"Don't be late for dinner," Natalia said.

"What are we having?"

"I don't know. It's Rafe's turn."

Olivia made a face and disappeared into her office.

Natalia resumed smiling.

* * *

Rafe had the afternoon off. Frank came over to play catch with him and help him cook and listen to him talk. When Olivia and Natalia returned home Rafe evicted Frank from the kitchen and chose Natalia instead.

Olivia consoled Frank on the porch, happy enough to be kind.

Frank took a sip of his beer and settled it onto the porch step. "Olivia," he said. "Pick me. I could make her happy. You know I could."

"Why do you want her, Frankie?"

"She's beautiful. And sweet. And kind. She wouldn't cause trouble, not like--"

Olivia laughed. "The woman that stormed into town with a son that ended up in juvie in two seconds flat and managed to break up your sister's marriage--she wouldn't cause trouble?"

"She's... settled," Frank said, grinning.

Olivia put her head on his shoulder. "Frankie, Frankie. You should know I've never picked you for anything."

He snorted.

She took a sip of his beer.

He asked, "Then why are we friends, Olivia?"

"Because you're a good guy. And I think you want to believe I'm a good person, too. You keep giving me chances I don't deserve to fuck with your life. And I like that about you."

"You helped me with Natalia. So you did do a good thing. And then I... slept with her and made her feel bad. Contrary to what you might think, that doesn't always happen."

She bumped his shoulder. "I know. It wasn't you. It's just Natalia."

"Just Natalia. Right. I can't figure her out, but sometimes, you know, I get so close. I see her at Company, or run into her at the park, and I think I know everything about her. And then I think about her here at the farmhouse, and try to picture her life, and... I mean, is it all really baking cookies and keeping house?"

"You know, she has a full-time job."

He patted Olivia's knee. "You know what I mean. I just think there's something I'm missing."

"Maybe it's just the chemistry. Magic. That thing you'd feel and know if you had a connection, that would be like--"

"You're breaking my heart, Olivia. I'm a detective."

Olivia shook her head. "Not like that. I mean, like trusting someone. Trusting who they are. Knowing. The opposite of detecting. That thing that lets you have absolute faith in her. Instead of just... hoping. Trying to guess right. Wishing you were."

"Being in love," Frank said.

Olivia swallowed.

Frank shifted, cupping Olivia's cheek. "I was in love with you, you know. That good, kind, amazing woman I saw. The woman that no one else saw. And I wasn't wrong, Olivia."

"Frank--"

"I wasn't wrong. And that's why we're still friends."

Olivia sighed and looked at the lawn.

Frank picked up his beer. "You're right, Olivia. Some day, someone's going to look at me, and they're not going to think, 'What a good guy.' They're not going to do the math. They're going to actually just know who I am."

Olivia angled further away, wiping at her eyes. "Do you want to stay for dinner?" she asked.

"No. Rafe's doing something special for you guys, so I'd better get going. Back to my own family."

* * *

"Kid's good," Olivia said. "Homemade pizza, sure, but I can't believe he made the crust himself."

"He's decided to learn just enough about cooking to impress a girl."

Olivia smiled. "Too much garlic, though."

"Such a thing is not possible."

"I'm surprised you could taste it through all those onions."

Natalia smiled.

Olivia passed her a glass of iced tea.

"I can't believe he made iced tea," Natalia said, motherly wonder in her voice.

Olivia settled onto the bench beside her. "I think Frank did."

"Ah, well, he has worked in restaurants his whole life."

"Yes, that's taught him to read instructions on the Lipton bag."

Natalia took a sip and peeked at Olivia over the rim.

Olivia leaned against her shoulder.

Natalia looked at the sky. "I think I saw a bat."

Olivia leaned forward, looking out from under the porch, and then resumed her spot. "Didn't see it. Did you make a wish?"

"On a bat?"

Olivia shrugged.

Natalia pushed back against her, settling in, and then closed her eyes.

Olivia reached for the tea and took a sip.

Natalia said, "Yes, I've made a wish."

Olivia nodded.

Natalia looked sideways at her. "Don't you want to know what I wished for?"

"Probably not."

Natalia frowned.

"All right, what?"

Natalia curled her lip. "I'm not sure I want to tell you."

"See?"

"You make a wish."

"I didn't see the bat."

"Olivia."

"I will say," Olivia said, raising her hand.

Natalia's eyes widened.

"That today has been a good day. A happy day. I'm happy. Do you know what I'm trying to say?"

Natalia didn't answer.

Olivia scooted on the bench, facing Natalia. "You make me happy."

"I try." Natalia smiled.

"Do I--" Olivia faltered. She looked away.

Natalia touched her cheek and pulled her back.

Olivia smiled.

"Yes," Natalia said.

Olivia tilted her face toward Natalia's, and then hesitated. Natalia's fingers moved on her face, sliding over skin. Olivia kissed her. Natalia's eyes fluttered closed. Olivia cupped Natalia's neck and kissed her again, and again, until Natalia's lips parted and Olivia could almost taste--

Natalia broke the kiss but kept her hand on Olivia's face. "Should we be doing this?"

"We're friends. We're close. It's only natural."

"Only natural," Natalia echoed.

"Girlfriends kiss all the time. I watch Gossip Girl. I know things."

"And if I wanted... more?"

Olivia shifted to meet her gaze, and said, "I'd give you anything you wanted."

"Yes, but would you--"

Olivia took her hand and brought it to her lips, kissing her palm, her eyes never leaving Natalia's.

Natalia brushed her fingertips along Olivia's cheeks. She took a deep breath.

Olivia waited, unmoving, with Natalia's hand in hers.

Natalia got up. "I need to... think. Sleep. Pray. Something." She leaned down and kissed Olivia's mouth one last time.

"Me too," Olivia said.

"This isn't--We're just friends, Olivia."

"Best friends."

"Best friends," Natalia said. She squeezed Olivia's shoulder, and then went inside.

* * *

 

IV.

Wednesday

Olivia flung herself down into the chair in the mayor's office.

Doris raised an eyebrow.

Olivia said, "We couldn't meet at Towers. She might be there. Or Company."

"Prying eyes everywhere, Olivia?"

"She kissed me."

"What?" Doris sat on the desk.

"And I kissed her."

"And? And?" Doris looked as if she were ready to shake Olivia's shoulders.

"Then she said we were just friends. 'Just. Friends.'"

"Oh."

"But. I don't know."

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know." Olivia took shallow breaths.

When she looked at Doris, there was so much beseeching that Doris grabbed her wrists. "Olivia."

"I don't know. I don't want anything to change. I want it to stay just the way it is."

"No more?"

"I've always wanted more."

Doris let Olivia go and regarded her.

Olivia said, "But if there's more than... there's less, too. I'll lose everything. Her, the house, my sanity. Maybe Emma."

"Olivia, you're--You're being a little dramatic."

"Am I? Then why don't you come out, Doris? Show me what you won't lose."

Doris tightened her jaw.

Olivia stood up. "I can't let this happen again."

"Maybe you're not strong enough to stop it."

"If it was just my life, fine, screw it all up. Lose whatever damn identity I have left. But this is Natalia's life, and I can't--And Emma's. And Rafe's? He just got out of prison. He needs her more than I do."

"Olivia." Doris took a deep breath. "What do you want to do? Right now?"

"I want to wrap my arms around her and bury my face in her hair and never, ever let her go."

Doris looked away as Olivia tore out of her office, as quickly as she had arrived, leaving behind a forceful echo of herself. Only when her face stopped tingling did Doris look at the door, and whisper, "Good luck."

* * *

Olivia glared at her cell phone and slouched on the bar at Company.

"Coffee?" Buzz offered.

"Ah." Olivia swatted the pot away. "Why won't anyone answer my calls? Josh is nowhere to be seen. Jeffrey--" She scowled.

"I think they might be busy with Reva. You know. The baby, the cancer treatment."

Olivia swatted again.

"Or, something else. Maybe an evil prince--anyway."

"What?"

Buzz shrugged. "Why don't you try me, Olivia? Screw Josh. Screw Jeffrey. The best exes are the ones you didn't marry."

"That's for sure," Olivia said.

Buzz patted the top of her head.

"Okay. Okay. What do you do when you kiss someone, and they kiss you back?"

"I kiss them again," Buzz said.

"And then?"

"I think you know the 'and then' part. It hasn't been that long."

Olivia groused.

"Has it? Because if you're looking for someone..."

"That's the problem."

"How is that a problem?"

"I'm not looking for someone."

Buzz said, "Then you have someone."

"No. I--I don't know."

Buzz returned the coffee pot to its heater and then came and took Olivia's face in his hands.

She made a fish face at him.

"Olivia Spencer Lewis Spaulding Spaulding Lewis Cooper O'Neill. You're in love, aren't you?"

Olivia covered his hands. "While we're wishfully thinking, there's a couple other names I'd like to add to that list. And some I'd take off."

Buzz grinned.

"What was I thinking?"

"I don't know. You've been through some crazy, sick times, Olivia. I almost like you better now."

"Almost?"

He leaned over and kissed her forehead. "I knew you better, then. Who's this woman that sits before me?"

"I'm part Gus now," she said.

He let go of her cheeks and smiled. "Don't you wish."

"Coffee?"

Rafe swept into Company. "Hey, Buzz. Hi. Olivia."

"Hi, Rafe. Can I buy you lunch?"

Rafe shook his head. "I was looking for for you, actually."

"For me?" Olivia asked.

"For her?"

Rafe pulled out a white slip of paper from his pocket, grinning. "My first paycheck."

"Rafe! That's wonderful."

"All thanks to you, Olivia."

Olivia slid off her stool and hugged Rafe, who patted her back awkwardly and looked at Buzz.

Buzz said, "I think she's happy for you."

Rafe grinned. "So let me buy you lunch."

"I'll have the veal," Olivia said.

Buzz snorted.

Rafe rolled his eyes.

"I have a better idea," Olivia said, keeping one arm around Rafe's shoulders.

"You always do."

"Let's get your mom a cake."

Rafe nodded. "I'm down with that."

Olivia held out her fist.

Rafe glanced around, to make sure no one but Buzz was watching, and tapped it with his own.

* * *

The cake had been cleared away and Emma put to bed when Rafe shuffled into the kitchen, wearing his father's Cubs jacket, the one that didn't really fit, his hand stuffed inside the pocket.

"Olivia," he said.

She'd been typing something into her laptop at the kitchen table, but her response was immediate. She looked right at him, her eyes open and expectant. Like he might hurt her. Like he might kiss her. She seemed to open herself up to all possibilities and give him her full attention. She closed the laptop.

"Look, I--" He faltered. This was a dumb idea. But he made the mistake of looking into her eyes.

Wide, so he could see right through her. He could watch right there in the kitchen as she braced herself for whatever he might say to her.

Like she wanted him to say something.

"Look," he said. "I know my mom gave you things. Everything--that was Gus's."

Olivia shook her head. "I took them from her."

"No one takes anything from my mom," Rafe said. He tried a smile.

Olivia didn't smile back. She said, "I gave everything back."

Rafe looked around the kitchen. This was the house that had started with the money he'd found in the pocket of this very jacket, that Natalia had turned over to Olivia before he could even blink. But Olivia had given that back, too.

"Why?" he asked.

"Why did I give everything back?"

The look of fear was so obvious in her expression that he scrambled to change the subject.

"No, I mean, why did she give you all that stuff?" He clutched the thing in his pocket.

"Because... I wanted to feel close to Gus. After he died. I missed him. I wanted what your mother had--the marriage, the family, his love. His things. His treasures."

"That's why you wanted them. But why did she give them to you?"

"Oh. Because she didn't need them." Olivia looked like him as if he was the dumbest person in the world. "She could feel his love. Every time she looked at you."

He opened his mouth, but she spoke first.

"Or, like, looked at a sunrise. Or the damn car, or whatever."

Rafe smiled wider.

"So, she gave me everything she could think of. She even brought me box fulls of crap." Olivia gestured at his jacket. "All she wanted in return was his heart. But she couldn't have that, and I didn't really want that stuff after all, so here we are."

"Not a bad place."

Olivia laughed shortly. "No. For purgatory, it's not so bad."

He didn't understand the tight pain in her face, or how her eyes could so quickly fill with tears. Was she sick? Was she dying?

Was she sorry?

"Well, look--" He had to stop saying look. "I just wanted to complete the task. The circle, or whatever. If everything that was Gus's is yours now, according to my mom, then this, too."

He pulled his father's badge out of his pocket, somewhat clumsily, leather getting caught on fabric. He offered it to her. When she didn't take it, he put it on the table.

Her eyes were even brighter now. "Why?" she asked.

"Like you said, I don't need it anymore. But you--" He hesitated. But to hell with it, if she was going to cry like that anyway. "I thought it might make you happy. I remember how much... Gus made you happy."

He owed her and he didn't have much.

Olivia picked up the badge. "It doesn't," she said, even as her fingers caressed the soft leather, even as she opened it to see the gold shield, even as six years of memories of his father flooded her, memories he would never have. She smiled. "It doesn't," she said quietly. "But you do. Thank you, Rafe."

He said, "Yeah. Sure. So there's nothing else you could take from us now. That's all I had."

He turned away, because he wasn't going to watch her cry anymore. The sight made him sick. He stumbled toward the living room, past his mother, whose gaze traveled from him to the badge that Olivia guiltily snapped closed.

* * *

"He's grateful, you know," Natalia said.

"Yeah, for what?" Olivia asked.

Natalia shook her head. She looked at her hands, and then back at Olivia.

"Goddamnit, Gus," Olivia said, directing her wrath to the ceiling. "How dare you go and leave me friendless and stuck with your family. Your trouble-making family, Gus! You and your stupid loving heart."

Natalia slid off her rings, the band and the diamonds that Olivia had wanted months ago. Natalia had written her a check to repay that debt which had never been deposited. She set the rings on the table. They clattered, metal against wood. She looked briefly at Olivia, who didn't look up, and then walked past her to the back door, and outside.

Olivia picked up the rings and stuffed them in her pocket, left the badge on the table, and followed Natalia.

"What do you want from me?" Olivia asked.

Natalia turned away from the lawn--the great expanse of green that Olivia had traded her magic beans for, had given up her career for--and said, "I want you to stay."

"I am--" Olivia gritted her teeth, and then started over. "What about what people think? Emma's school? Alan Spaulding?"

"I don't care what they think," Natalia said.

"Yes, you do!"

"I only care if what they think isn't true."

Olivia stared. Her nose ran. "You said we were just friends."

Natalia said, not reaching for her, not looking away either, "I know what I said. And what I haven't said. I just assumed I had, at some point. That it had become a matter of course. I hope it's been obvious to you, all this time. I love you, Olivia."

"What? What does that mean?"

"I don't know what it means. But it's true. You are everything. You're my whole life. I love--" Natalia gestured at the porch. "All of this. And you. I don't know what to do. But I love you."

Olivia was open-mouthed, but silent.

Natalia sighed. "My son gave you Gus's badge."

"If he thinks he owes me for getting him some shitty job at a hardware store, he's a fucking moron," Olivia said.

"Yeah. He's the moron." Natalia took a deep breath, and cast one last longing look at her farm, and then smiled and slipped past Olivia. "I'm going to bed."

Olivia lingered on the porch, stealing looks at the glittering rings. Slipping them back in her pocket. Then she went inside to retrieve the badge and looked around the empty kitchen. "Where am I going to keep all of this crap?"

* * *

Thursday

"So, that was awkward," Olivia said, as she and Emma sat on a park bench.

"I loved seeing daddy," Emma said. "When can I see him again?"

"You loved seeing him with all those Spauldings?"

Emma nodded.

"Do you love your grandfather, Em?"

"When he's around and I get to see him."

Olivia's hand tightened into a fist. She hid it under her purse.

"So when can I?" Emma asked.

"Your dad and I are working on that. Maybe once a month, at first, with supervision, okay?"

"Like, with Beth?"

"Yes. Or, Natalia. How would you feel about that?"

"Okay."

"Do you like Natalia?"

Emma pulled back and regarded her, with this "Where is this going?" look that she surely must have picked up from Natalia herself.

"I just thought, what if we have to move out? Go back to the Beacon?"

"We are not moving out."

"But--"

"Nuh uh. No buts."

"I guess I can't argue with a girl who got her daddy out of jail."

Emma beamed proudly.

Olivia sighed and leaned back against the bench. The park was beautiful and unseasonably cold. Like it might snow.

"Mom," Emma said.

"Hm, baby?"

"Natalia loves us. If we left, she'd be sad."

"That's right. That's right. So, forget I said anything," Olivia said. She wrapped her arm around Emma and looked up at the sky and murmured, "Forget I fucked anything up."

* * *

Reva sat on the edge of the bed, looking down at her shoes. She could walk. Only a few steps. She could try it.

Or she could lie back down and look at the ceiling. The nice ceiling.

Olivia burst into the room.

Or she could deal with that.

Reva said, "Olivia, I'm busy."

"Looking at your shoes?"

Reva narrowed her eyes.

"I'm looking for Jeffrey anyway. Where is he?"

"Why are you looking for my husband?"

Olivia looked around the room. She looked at Reva.

"He's not here," Reva said.

Olivia said, "He used to be my husband."

Reva said, "A little gift from me for karma's sake while I waited for you to drop dead."

"I still might, Reva," Olivia purred.

"And you're trying to foist your offspring on us again?"

"No." Olivia deflated, throwing herself into a chair by Reva's bed. "No, I just need--"

"It's not money," Reva said.

"No."

"And it's not love."

Olivia put her head in her hands. "Why can't the world stop spinning for two seconds?"

Reva reached a hand toward Olivia's hair, but she was too far away, and Reva wasn't going to bother stretching. So she asked, "What would you do in that stillness, Olivia?"

"What do you think I would do?"

"Spontaneously combust? Melt? Freak out and kiss someone?"

Olivia turned her head and smiled.

"Who would you kiss?" Reva asked.

"Someone who doesn't want me."

"Oh, come on. When has that ever stopped you before?"

* * *

Natalia sat in the church. She looked at the cross. She looked anywhere but at the cross. She thought about going out to talk to Gus. She prayed to him, instead. Gus would approve.

She covered her heart. He would approve. As if anyone else mattered.

"Natalia?"

Natalia didn't look as Father Ray slid into the pew in front of her. He hadn't been there the last time she'd come, to light candles for Olivia and Emma, to thank God for having her son back. For having him healthy and happy.

"Father," she said.

"Are you all right?"

"I don't know." Natalia rolled her head. "I'm confused."

"Do you want me to take your confession?"

"No. Definitely not."

Father Ray gave her a kind smile. "So, you haven't sinned."

"Oh, I've sinned. I ate foie gras. I'm pretty sure that's a sin for a myriad of reasons. I--" She rubbed her bare fingers.

"Did you illegally park?"

Natalia glared at him.

"I'm sorry. Natalia, you're a good person, and I hate to see you troubled."

"Father, I just can't--Is love wrong?"

"No, never. Sometimes the way we express it--but not love itself."

"And God--God would never ask me to do something wrong, would he?"

"No. Natalia, does whatever He's asking you to do feel wrong?"

"No, it feels right. It feels so perfectly right."

Father Ray gave her a patient, confused look.

"I don't know what to do. You wouldn't approve."

Father Ray laughed. "Is this Natalia Rivera before me? Since when have you needed my approval for anything?"

"I--"

"You make up your own mind. And you're certainly old enough and experienced enough to live with the consequences."

"I just don't want to hurt anyone."

"What part hurts?"

Natalia closed her eyes. "The denying part."

"Denying love?"

"Don't make it sound like that. There are rules."

"Yes." Father Ray said. "Two of them. Well, three if you count the no meat on Fridays thing. Four if you remember to help the poor... But do you see my point?"

Natalia nodded.

"Natalia, whatever can take you from this unsettled place to a place where you are happy, and living right with God, and living right with Man, that's what you need to do."

"And the Church?"

"Natalia, there are a dozen churches in this town, with a dozen answers. What does your heart say?"

"What does my heart say?" Natalia brushed tears off her face. "Oh, Father."

Father Ray took a Bible from the pew, flipped through it, and ripped out a page.

Natalia gasped.

He folded the paper and handed it to her. "Don't open it until you're where you need to be here. Which is not here." Father Ray glanced around. "Alone."

Natalia put the paper in her purse.

Father Ray got up and offered his hand. She took it. He said, "Natalia. There is no sin that you could commit that would make me turn away from you."

"Thank you, Father."

She didn't look back as she left.

* * *

 

V.

Natalia packed up to leave for the day, exhausted by settling in the twenty mahjong players from the greater Illinois area. The sun had set hours ago, and if she lingered any longer, she'd miss putting Emma to bed.

Her phone vibrated with a text.

"Come to the rooftop."

She rolled her eyes and murmured, "Olivia, it's like 40 degrees tonight."

Another text. "Wear something nice."

Natalia looked down at herself. Then she sighed, picked up her purse, and headed for Olivia's suite to change.

* * *

Natalia stepped onto the rooftop. The lights were on and there were Christmas lights along the roof ledge, just where the shadows fell again.

A table was set for two, with candles and champagne and grapes and cheese. Natalia smiled. She hadn't seen such a spread since Gus was wooing her--trying to, as Springfield fell apart around them. As Olivia died between them.

Gus has to go. You get to stay.

Natalia took a deep breath. She'd said those words exactly a year ago. And she hadn't changed her mind.

Please stay.

Olivia stood by the ledge, in a sequined black gown that ended above her knees.

Natalia approached her.

Olivia smiled. "Like the view?"

"Yes. Why are we here, Olivia?"

"You had a long day. You deserve something nice."

Natalia smiled.

Olivia said, "This is my hotel, Natalia. It's one of the tallest buildings in Springfield. And from the roof you can see... well, you can see a lot of trees."

"And the water," Natalia said. "And the moonlight, on the water."

"It's beautiful. I want to tell you something, Natalia."

"Okay."

Olivia looked around, from the water to the candlelight to the fire escape.

"Olivia."

"Don't." Olivia lifted her hand. "This was supposed to be romantic. I can't--" She turned away, as tears fell on her cheeks.

"It is romantic. Chilled champagne. Grapes. If it wasn't freezing I would think you were trying to seduce me."

Olivia smiled, and turned back to face her. "This was supposed to be fun."

"We can make it fun."

"No. No. I can't take anymore distractions."

Natalia said, "Olivia. I have something to tell you too."

"Me first."

"But don't take forever."

Olivia paced. "It's been forever. I've been trying--Been wanting--"

Despite this place they had come to, despite knowing, despite hoping, despite the memory of Olivia's kiss against her lips, Natalia was afraid. She was afraid that Olivia wouldn't say it, would say something else. Wouldn't say it at all. The cold heartbeat of it went through her, and she couldn't move, not even to beg Olivia to end this for them both. She tried not to hope, between breaths.

Olivia said, "I wanted to shout it from the rooftop."

The night got colder, and quietness settled into it, and even Olivia's pacing, Olivia's breath white in the air, didn't seem to provoke the stillness.

Natalia waited. Her legs felt numb.

And then Olivia looked right at her. Right through her.

Olivia said, "I love you."

Natalia parted her lips.

Olivia said. "I never told you, either. I love you. Natalia, I'm in love with you."

Olivia's loving gaze warmed her. Olivia came forward and took her hands, drawing them to her chest.

"Olivia."

Olivia said, "I just want you to be happy."

Natalia smiled.

Olivia leaned across their hands and kissed her.

Something wet touched Natalia's cheek. And then her scalp. She pressed harder against Olivia's firm, cold lips. Olivia shivered against her.

"Natalia," Olivia murmured.

"Huh?"

"It's snowing."

Natalia turned her head. Snow drifted down from the too-bright evening sky, frosting the grapes. Coating Olivia's dress.

"It's snowing hard," Natalia said.

Olivia grabbed the champagne and then grabbed her hand. They ducked inside.

* * *

Olivia closed her phone. "Rafe and Emma are fine at the farmhouse. Do you want to drive out there before the snow really hits?"

"I think the snow has really hit. What's going on? It's April."

Olivia shrugged. "Global warming? You can stay here. Or in Emma's room. Or, I'll get you a room."

"I can stay here."

Olivia nodded.

They ordered sandwiches and ate while watching the blizzard coverage on television, and then got ready for bed, washing and brushing teeth and changing clothes. Olivia turned the lights down and set the alarm, sprawling on the comforter.

Natalia sat on the bed. She opened the sheet of paper Father Ray had given her. She read it and smiled, and then folded it back up and put it on the dresser.

She could just slip into the sheets and just--

"Olivia."

"Hm?" Olivia stretched out on her back, her hands under her head. Clearly trying for bravado.

Natalia twisted, and looked down at her. "I'm in love with you, too."

Olivia smiled.

Natalia kissed her, and settled into welcoming arms, and let Olivia tuck the covers around them.

"What's going to happen?" Olivia asked.

"Just hold me tonight. We'll go back tomorrow."

"Back to reality," Olivia said.

Natalia squeezed her shoulder. "Back home."

* * *

"Hey, Ma," Rafe said, stepping into the gazebo.

Natalia turned around. She tried to smile.

He glanced around, lingering on the snow and the lake, and looked back at her.

"Rafe, I want to talk to you."

"Is that why you invited me here?"

Natalia nodded.

He leaned over the railing. "Where's the sign?"

"The sign?"

"Olivia's."

"I don't know. I guess... she didn't die, Rafe."

"Yeah."

"Rafe, sit down with me."

His expression was wary, but they sat together on the bench, and Natalia shivered.

"Why here?"

"Oh, I just wanted to come into town. I know you had work."

"I'm done for today. We could go anywhere. To Company, or--"

She shook her head. "I want us to have some privacy."

"Ma. You're freaking me out."

"I know. Rafe?" She took his hands.

"Ma, are you sick?"

She shook her head.

"Is Olivia sick?"

"No more than usual."

He smiled at that, and she smiled with him.

Natalia said, "Rafe, you know Olivia is a part of our family, right?"

"Yeah. I mean, I don't know why. Exactly. But I know she is."

"She and I, we're very close."

He didn't say anything, but he kept looking at her. His posture was open. He was listening.

"I love her, Rafe."

He nodded.

"In a--in a--" She exhaled. "A lot."

He looked pained.

"I'm in love with her," Natalia said.

Rafe rolled his shoulders and took a moment and finally said, "I get that. Okay. I can see...stuff. I'm just--It must suck, Ma."

"What?"

"That she's a man-eater and, you know. I mean, Olivia Spencer. She doesn't--"

"But she does."

"What?"

"Olivia feels the same way," Natalia said.

Rafe let go of Natalia's hands and scrubbed his face.

"I know this is weird," Natalia said.

"Yeah, a little."

Natalia waited. Crows settled into the snow, pecking for seeds. Leaving footprints.

Rafe lifted his head and asked, "Nothing's going to change, right?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like, with the house, with you and Olivia, and Emma, and me and--I don't know."

"No," Natalia said. "Not drastically. It'll just be... us. We're a family."

"Ma, are you--What about Gus?"

"What about Gus?"

"I mean, if you're like, you know, gay--" He practically choked on the word, "Then like, how did I, like, happen?"

"Rafe, I don't know. It doesn't diminish my love for Gus. I wish every day he were back with us. Holding us. This is just... I fell in love. I don't know if it means anything, beyond that."

"And Olivia, the she-demon, you like, tamed her?"

Natalia smiled.

"Can I talk to her? Like, about this? Can I ask what the heck--?"

"To Olivia? Sure. Absolutely."

Rafe nodded.

Natalia cautiously laid her arm on his back. "Rafe, do you have any questions?"

"Not yet."

"You know this doesn't change anything between us. I love you, so much."

"I love you, too, Ma."

Natalia rubbed his back and took a deep breath.

"Maybe we could go to church?" Rafe asked.

"Sure. Now?"

"No, I mean, the four of us."

"Yes," Natalia said.

Rafe nodded. "How long? Have you and she--"

"Just this week. But I guess I started admitting... when Phillip came back. And we lost Coop. That really put things in perspective. What I cared about. What I didn't want to lose."

Rafe nodded again. Then he laughed.

"What's so funny?"

"Olivia in love with you. I mean, you. That must have really made her crazy. Insecure and all that."

"Yes. Do you enjoy that, Raphael?"

Rafe grinned. "Well, it seems only fair."

* * *

One Week Later

Rafe chuckled, but didn't quite make eye contact with anyone, as he set the pitcher of tea on the table and smoothed the tablecloth. The rain that had washed away the last of the snow had stopped but threatened again with an overcast sky. The sun would set soon--too soon--but Natalia brought out candles and Olivia followed her, with wine, into the sticky spring evening.

Emma had cookies.

"Cookies for dinner?" Rafe asked.

"Natalia made casserole," Emma said. "But she said we could have these too. She said it was a special occasion."

"So we can have these first?" Rafe reached for a cookie.

"Second." Natalia swatted his hand away.

"But they're sugar-free."

"They are. Oatmeal raisin cinnamon. But they're still dessert."

Rafe winked at Emma.

"Our first family picnic," Natalia said proudly, sitting at the table.

Rafe straddled his chair. "First of many?"

"I hope so."

"Does that grill work?" Olivia glanced at the porch.

"I have no idea."

"I can't wait to try."

Rafe smirked.

Natalia said, "No one in this family is burning themselves. On anything."

Even Emma pouted.

Natalia reached for Emma's hand, and Rafe's.

"Can I say the blessing this time?" Emma asked.

"Of course."

Emma bowed her head.

The three others bowed their heads, though Olivia peeked at Emma.

Emma said, "Bless us, O Lord, and these Thy gifts which we are about to receive from Thy bounty, through Christ our Lord. Amen."

Olivia was on her feet so quickly she knocked over her chair.

Emma's face contorted. "Did I do it wrong?"

Olivia stumbled up the porch and went into the house.

"No, Emma, you were fine. I think she must have gotten a bad raisin or something." Natalia got up.

"Did I make the cookies wrong?" Emma began to cry.

Natalia looked helplessly from Emma to the door to Rafe.

"Hey, Em," Rafe said. "I'm not sure if you did it right or not. Say it again for me, okay?" He pulled her face around to smile at her.

Natalia sprang for the porch. Behind her, she heard Emma slowly start to say, "Bless us..."

Olivia paced in the living room.

"Olivia--"

"That is not okay." Olivia whirled around to face Natalia. "Do you hear me? That is not okay."

"Nobody coerced her."

That had been the wrong thing to say. Olivia resumed pacing, furiously.

"Olivia, I am not your mother."

Olivia stopped pacing. Faced her again. Nostrils flaring.

"Emma was trying to please you. Please us. That's all. It doesn't mean--"

"I will not have her believing that anything other than her own decisions will make things okay for her. Anything but standing on her own two feet. I will not have her praying for divine intervention."

"Olivia. She's happy."

Olivia's expression was wild, but her eyes focused on Natalia's.

"She's happy," Natalia repeated. "And it has nothing to do with God. And everything to do with us."

"I made her cry," Olivia said.

Natalia took a step closer. "She's fine. Rafe is talking her down."

Olivia looked down at her hands. The gesture reminded Natalia of those first few days of living together, when Olivia had tried so hard not to argue with her that she'd decided to leave instead.

"Hey," Natalia said. "We're a family."

"You think you can take my daughter away. Now that you've got your son back. Play house and indoctrinate her and I'm just--"

Natalia smiled. "You're just?"

"In the way."

"And?"

Olivia met her eyes again. "Annoying."

Natalia's smile brightened. "And?"

"I hate all this religious crap that at best does nothing and at worst... gets people like Gus killed. And all the other good people. And--"

Natalia wrapped her arms around Olivia's shoulders.

Olivia sighed.

Natalia said, "And brings me to you. And keeps Rafe sane."

"But Emma--"

"Was trying to be all grown up. Like us and her big brother. But she's not all grown up. That's why she has parents. We'll talk to her. And we'll talk to each other."

Olivia's arms encircled Natalia's waist.

Natalia cupped Olivia's head. "Okay?"

Olivia grumbled something.

"Hm?"

"I said, 'I love you.'"

"I love you, too."

Olivia pulled her closer and kissed her temple.

"Come on," Natalia said. "Let's eat."

"What am I going to say to her?"

"Whatever you say... I don't think you should lie to her."

Olivia frowned as Natalia stepped back after kissing the corner of her mouth. She let Natalia take her hand.

Outside, Rafe had righted the chair, and had Emma laughing until she saw Olivia.

Olivia went to kneel beside her. "I'm sorry I got upset. But it wasn't anything you did. I promise. And your cookies are amazing." She reached for one and bit off half, and offered Emma the other half.

Emma took the cookie. "You promise?"

"With all my heart," Olivia said.

Emma smiled.

Olivia took her seat. Natalia began cutting and serving the casserole.

Rafe folded his arms and said, "Olivia is a bad Catholic."

Under the table, where Emma couldn't see, Olivia gave him the finger.

* * *

The table was cleared and put up, but the kitchen held the remnants.

Natalia surveyed and sighed, and asked, "Rafe, why don't you and Emma start the movie? Olivia and I will clean up."

"We will?" Olivia asked.

Natalia nodded.

The children escaped to the living room before Natalia could change her mind.

Olivia approached Natalia. "What would you like me to clean?"

"I think any place you start would be fine."

"Oh, really? Here?" Olivia kissed her cheek.

"That's good."

"Or here?" Olivia brushed her hair aside and kissed her ear.

"That's good, too. I'm not picky."

Olivia leaned in to press Natalia against the sink.

Natalia kissed her, then murmured against her lips, "We have to clean. And play house. Remember?"

"Don't remember."

"We're a family. The sooner we get this done--"

"The sooner we have to leave the kitchen and sit with them for an entire movie."

Natalia furrowed her brow. After a week of kissing on the porch but sleeping in separate rooms, the waiting was starting to eat at Natalia. Waiting for the kids to settle in. Waiting to see if their feelings were real. Could last longer than the snow. Waiting for the right moment.

They'd built the right moment, tonight, just for each other. The anticipation made her sweat.

"See, the kitchen is better," Olivia said.

"Okay," Natalia agreed, pulling Olivia closer. "We can take our time."

Olivia laughed against her neck, and then said. "I'm sorry about earlier."

"Let's forget it."

"Frank reminded me, in his roundabout way, that things are going to happen. That you are going to do some crazy things."

Natalia pulled back. "I am?"

Olivia's grin got wider. "Oh, I think so."

"And what happens when I do?"

"I don't know. But I'm going to try to be open to it. I'm going to... support you."

"Even if it's crazy."

"Hey. It might be fun."

Natalia kissed Olivia's chin. "I do actually know some non-crazy ways to have fun, too."

"You might be doing them wrong, then."

"Oh, shut up and kiss me."

* * *

Olivia lingered in the doorway, looking out into the hall, while Natalia turned down the sheets. Neither had changed from their picnic clothes--jeans and Natalia's blouse-y-est button down blouse and Olivia's sweater--and neither mentioned brushing teeth or checking messages or taking the time to light candles.

"You're supposed to be over here," Natalia said.

"I was just checking."

"Asleep or not, they're not coming out of their rooms."

Olivia smiled as closed the door and locked it. She strode to where Natalia sprawled on the bed. She kicked off her shoes.

"Should we--" Olivia started.

"No."

Natalia pulled her down and into a kiss. She kissed Olivia with abandon, with relish, until Olivia pulled back. Her lips were parted, she was nearly panting, and she was looking searchingly into Natalia's eyes.

Natalia crooked a finger under her chin and coaxed her closer. She wanted to tell Olivia not to worry. But she didn't want to speak.

Olivia, with those serious, lidded eyes, with determined hands, kissed her so sweetly that Natalia didn't know what to do, other than be kissed. She threaded her fingers through Olivia's hair. She kept Olivia close. Then Olivia's fingers reached for the first button on her blouse. Natalia drew back. Olivia looked intent. She was precise. Everything was in her control, and coiled, and smoldering.

Natalia pulled her in for another kiss, letting herself be hungry. She pushed past Olivia's parted lips and found her tongue. Olivia's desire for her had the potency to be paralyzing, if Natalia let herself stare into Olivia's eyes for too long. But it was freeing. She could touch Olivia anywhere she wanted. She could do anything.

She could fall back against the pillows and let Olivia unbutton her blouse.

Olivia smiled as she parted the fabric.

Natalia shivered as Olivia touched her bare stomach.

"We should have started naked," Olivia said.

"Where's the fun in that?"

"That's true. This is fun," Olivia said, kissing the upper swell of Natalia's breast.

Natalia reached for Olivia's head, cradling it. She would get to do this, too, unwrap Olivia like a present, kiss her everywhere. She shuddered.

Olivia's lips stilled against her shoulder.

"We could do this part faster," Natalia said.

Olivia shook her head. "I do appreciate a bra that unhooks in the front, however."

"I tried to prepare."

"You wore this for this?" Olivia asked.

"Yes."

"For me?"

"Yes."

Olivia knelt, half-sitting above Natalia, and unclasped her bra. She pushed away the cups. She stared.

Natalia reached for her hands. "Olivia."

Olivia looked... afraid. Daunted. Like maybe she couldn't do this after all. Maybe she wasn't--

Natalia cupped her cheek. "Olivia, hey."

"Shush. I'm thinking."

"About what?"

Olivia met her eyes, and there was a look so carnal in her expression Natalia felt burned.

"About where to start," Olivia said.

Natalia traced her ear, and then the side of her neck.

Olivia took Natalia's hand and kissed her palm.

"That's a good place to start."

"Is it?"

Olivia turned over her hand and kissed her knuckles, one at a time, until Natalia touched her lips and was invited inside, to a fluttering, rough tongue. She wanted that mouth on her breasts. She wanted Olivia's hand between her legs. She wanted.

She cupped the back of Olivia's neck and tugged.

Olivia kissed her chest, and then her shoulder, and then her nipple, pressing her open mouth to the tip of Natalia's breast. Natalia shuddered. The sucking ignited her arousal. She wanted more of that sensation, everywhere, and whether she pulled Olivia's hair, or Olivia was just exploring, Olivia's mouth moved to her stomach, and it almost tickled, and it almost burned. And then Olivia's tongue delicately traveled up her torso and up her chin. Natalia welcomed the kiss the followed. She pulled Olivia into her arms and held onto her.

"Olivia," she said, pressing the small of Olivia's back.

Olivia nipped her earlobe.

Natalia arched her neck. "Olivia."

"If you know what's good for you," Olivia said, squeezing her shoulder, "You'll stop saying my name."

"Or what? Olivia."

Olivia rolled onto her, and propping herself on her elbows, took Natalia's head in her hands and kissed her, sliding across Natalia's body, pressing into her, leaving every nerve screaming.

Natalia hugged Olivia tightly, turning her face away from Olivia's kisses. Writhing.

Olivia groaned.

That sound.

Natalia yanked at Olivia's shirt, wrestling with her until Olivia gave up and let Natalia pull it over her head. Then, Olivia's breasts, crushed against hers. Natalia hadn't expected that to feel so good. She closed her eyes, lost in the sensation. But Olivia was pushing her hair out of her face, and touching her jaw. Coaxing her back.

"Hey," Olivia said.

Natalia opened her eyes. "Hey."

Olivia kissed her gently. Natalia touched her cheek. A promise.

"Please," Natalia said. "Undress me."

Olivia smirked.

Natalia tapped her nose. "I don't have the strength."

"I'm the one with the bad heart."

"You have a good heart."

"Oh, right." Olivia knelt.

Natalia mourned Olivia's closeness, but remembered the sensation of skin on skin, and knew if she was patient, she would have more of it. And then Olivia's hand pressed between her legs. Natalia moaned.

"Just curious," Olivia said.

"Olivia."

Olivia opened her fly, almost as tantalizing watching her fingers work, and then she less gracefully tugged the jeans and panties off of Natalia, leaving them pooled on the floor. Natalia had picked out those panties. Next time, she would have to wear only those, and see what Olivia thought.

She smiled.

Olivia wriggled around, tangling the sheets, but managing to undress herself. She sprawled next to Natalia's left shoulder.

Natalia rolled onto her side and met Olivia's eyes.

Olivia said, "I know what you want."

"Do you?" Natalia asked.

Olivia raised her eyebrows.

"I think if you did, you'd be on top of me right now."

Then Olivia was on top of her, and it was delicious, and Natalia clutched her hips and kissed her mouth and prayed she would stay right there, as they began to move together. Thigh to thigh. Heart to heart.

"There's so much I want to do," Olivia said.

"I know." Natalia rubbed Olivia's back, up and down. "We'll have time. Make love to me. Olivia."

Olivia breathed against her cheek.

"Olivia," Natalia said again.

"I love you."

Natalia tightened her embrace. Olivia, in her bed. In her arms. In her heart. Everything she wanted.

"Touch me," she said.

Without separation, without movement, Olivia's hand found her. Olivia pressed, finding her with the heel of her palm, firm, strong, steady. The tips of her fingers found Natalia's wetness. Dipped inside. Teased. Natalia began to move, rocking both of them, all her focus and lust centered on Olivia's hand. Right there.

Then Olivia twisted. Her thumb found Natalia's clit, traced, moved away again.

Natalia thrust her hips.

Olivia steadied them, touching her thigh instead, until Natalia, breathing hard, met her eyes.

"Let me kiss you," Olivia said.

Olivia's breasts heaved against hers. Olivia's fingertips teased.

"Kiss me, then," Natalia said. "Just don't stop."

Olivia's lips found her. Olivia's hand found her. Natalia was transformed by Olivia's touch. She gave herself over to the kiss and when she came, unable to control how she moved against Olivia's body, she groaned into Olivia's mouth, and Olivia only kissed her harder, and held her, and covered her.

Natalia kept her eyes closed, but gradually stroked Olivia's sweaty hair, and let herself breathe again.

Olivia kissed her neck. Her lips tickled. Natalia squirmed and smiled. She worked her way out from under Olivia and sat up.

Olivia sprawled onto her back.

"I love you, too," Natalia said.

Olivia grinned.

"And," Natalia said. "I love sex. I bet you didn't know that about me."

"I'm learning," Olivia said cautiously.

Natalia crouched to kiss Olivia. She let her lips trail over Olivia's jaw, and then her collarbone. She traced the scar down Olivia's chest.

"Natalia," Olivia pleaded.

Natalia kissed the tip of a breast. Olivia shuddered beneath her. She would have to come back to those. She would have to spend hours there, learning how Olivia tasted, learning how much she could take. For now, she moved lower, kissing Olivia's belly.

Olivia's scent coaxed her. Olivia's legs spread for her, though Olivia's expression still held disbelief.

Natalia rested her chin on Olivia's stomach and looked up her body. "Olivia."

Olivia licked her lips.

"Our children are asleep."

Olivia smiled.

"Our friends are okay," Natalia said.

Olivia nodded.

"And nothing, I mean nothing, is going to stop us."

"Natalia," Olivia breathed.

Natalia lowered her head. In that moment, in that kiss, she had all of Olivia. She tasted, she touched, and at Olivia's sharp plea, she went inside, moved even closer.

"I'm yours," Olivia said.

The passion in her voice made Natalia's tongue still and her fingers tighten on Olivia's thighs. Until Olivia keened, calling for her. She stroked, happy to be just where Olivia wanted, already eager to do this again. All night. All year. For the rest of her life.

Then Olivia tensed, and then shuddered, almost involuntarily, like someone had pushed her off a cliff. Natalia held her, feeling her come undone, loving her through each moment.

* * *

A dozen red roses sat on the desk as Doris walked into the office. Bold, blood red. With long stems. With thorns as big as lions' claws. Doris cautiously approached to pluck out the card.

She read, "This is a written IOU for a thousand favors. I couldn't have done it without you. Olivia Spencer."

A second card was tucked behind the first. A business card for Towers. On the back was a phone number and another note from Olivia. "My bartender will die if you don't call her."

Doris smiled and tapped the card against her lips.

Buzz strolled into the office.

"Buzz, couldn't you knock?"

Buzz gave her a mysterious smile.

"There's no runner up reward for mayor, Buzz. Don't strut around like you own the place."

"Yeah, sure. Nice flowers. Who are they from?"

"You mean, who would send me, of all people, enough red roses for a Valentine's Day horror film? A woman, Buzz. And that's all you need to know."

"A woman."

Buzz's smile reached his eyes. He settled into an office chair and lifted a dossier. Work to be done.

But first, Doris said, "These are my roses, Buzz Cooper, and you cannot have any of them."

END