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Going to bed every night on the verge of tears. Who knew exhaustion could be so overpowering it makes you want to cry? Waking up every morning sick to my stomach. Who knew weariness could be so all-consuming it makes you physically nauseous? I certainly didn't, but here I am. I guess you really do learn something new everyday.
Funny I should say that, because here, everyday feels exactly the same. How much time has even passed? How many meals have I eaten? How many hours have I slept? How many nightmares have I endured? How much more can I take? Is it possible to die of apathy? If so, tell my family I love them because I'm not going to make it much longer.
If only I had known when I was a child that life didn't get any better from there. My first years of existence on this despicable planet were the best and I wasted them dreaming of the life I would live when I was older.
What life was that? What did I hope to achieve as a "grown-up"? What plans did I intend to fulfill? What amazing, fantastical adventures did I anticipate experiencing if I could just grow up? What evidence did life provide me to lead me to believe that the life of an adult would somehow be better than the life of a child?
Or is it simply the fact that mankind is never satisfied, wherever they find themselves? Why is that, anyway? What makes human beings so ungrateful? What excruciating hand did destiny deal humanity that a newborn babe should mourn the loss of the womb the exact second they are taken away from it? Someone clue me in. What makes our lives so unbearable?
In the desperate race we run to get to a place where we are truly happy, we fail to see that throughout the journey, we are experiencing the best moments we will ever get while simultaneously refusing to acknowledge they are happening. What is wrong with humanity? Why are we like this?
From the beginning of time, people have always wanted more. We've wanted to be more. We've wanted to own more. We've wanted to see more. We've wanted to do more. Look in your history books. Humans have always been desperate to seek novelty. We have always run after that which we previously believed we could not have.
Europeans sailed across the sea to discover new lands that they could claim as their own. When they ran out of land to explore, man made the submarine, to explore the water below. The forbidden world that was previously unattainable, made accessible because man was unsatisfied. And when that wasn't enough, man created planes to explore the sky. And when that wasn't enough man turned to the moon. And when even 239,000 miles wasn't far enough, man has set his eyes on Mars. Always unsatisfied. Never enough.
And where does that leave me? Alone and miserable, wishing for something better, just like every other person stuck inside this wretched existence we call life. On this dung heap we call Earth. With these monsters we call people. And yet if every person views all people as monsters, doesn't that make every person a monster?
Yeah, that sounds about right...