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Cold breeze came in through the small gap of the window left agape, tingling his senses awake, filling in the space between his naked skin and the thick duvet. He blinked a couple of times, trying to remember where he was. Turning to the direction of light he found the curtain half opened, waving ever so slightly with each autumn breeze piercing through the ajar window. Looking to the other side, to no one’s surprises, the other side of the bed was empty.
The other half of the duvet was thrown over to his side, leaving creased stained bed sheets and a dented pillow for him to reminisce, as always.
He closed his eyes, flashes of last night came to him in clashes of waves.
Loud music echoed in his ears, followed by their entangled moans.
Gazes clashed, bodies crashed.
Doors unlocked, buttons undone.
His back pushed against the door, followed by kisses on the mouth.
His back met with the bed sheets, followed by kisses on his neck.
Wow, he fucked up again.
The sound of a door being opened caught his attention, and walking in was a still-wet half naked Kang Chanhee.
Their gazes clashed.
‘Oh you are awake.’
‘As you can see, yes. Aren’t you going to get dressed or…’
‘Why? Don’t act as if you haven’t seen these..’ Chanhee said as he gestured at his torso, ‘or these’ now gesturing at the towel hung above his waist line.
‘Yeah, but certainly not the first thing I want to see when I wake up.’ said Hwiyoung as he shook his head.
‘Oh really, I would beg to differ.’ smirked Chanhee walking towards the bed, shutting the bathroom door behind him, while Hwiyoung simply scoffed back.
‘What? You really don’t want to see my cock first thing in the morning?’
‘Jesus christ. No, I don’t. Just… Jesus, just get dressed or some shit. I’m going to take a shower.’
.
.
.
Chanhee banged his head against the steering wheel in frustration.
Where did it go wrong?
He looked up to see the real owner of the flat drove out in his Harley-Davidson, face concealed under a helmet. He gritted his teeth in anger.
It’s not his fault that they have come to this point.
And worse enough, in times like this he couldn’t even tell what Hwiyoung was thinking.
Chanhee sighed before starting his engine, driving out of the parking space reserved for room 010.
.
.
.
Picked up grocery, checked
Parked his motorcycle, checked.
Picked up online shopping parcels, checked.
Hwiyoung nodded mentally to himself as he punched in the passcode of his front door. Using his shoulder, he pushed passed the door that said ‘010’. Balancing everything in his arms, he took off his loafers using his feet. With his slippers barely on he placed everything onto his kitchen island.
He looked around his small studio flat
Everywhere.
He was everywhere.
He collapsed on the island, sobbing.
.
.
.
Chanhee stretched out his arms before looking back to the monitor in front of him. His eyes diverted to the buzzing phone next to his keyboard.
Ya KCH answer!!!
Yo are you really not coming?
C’MON DUDE!
He flipped his phone over and started proofreading the proposal again.
.
.
.
Sitting upright in his chair, Hwiyoung’s eyes scanned over digits in front of him, before uploading the file up into the office’s cloud. His hand reached for the can of beer next to his mouse. Before he had a chance to have his first sip of beer, his phone buzzed, continuously. He scanned through the various messages from the notification center and let out a sigh.
He turned to his wardrobe and put on a pair of jeans. He grabbed his coat and keys before leaving the flat. In his hand, his phone screen said that his taxi will arrive in 3 minutes.
.
.
.
‘I know you’re gonna come back. You always do.’
Hwiyoung took a small glance at the drunk man in the passenger seat, and turned back to focus on the road.
‘I didn’t go out with them. I really didn’t. I just went on my own. I didn’t know they were going to come here too.’
‘Can we go to your place? I had trouble sleeping lately.’
‘I really didn’t know they were going to be there. I really cut all ties with them. You can read everything. I really cut them off.’
Hwiyoung glanced at Chanhee, their gazes clashed momentarily. Hwiyoung turned back to the road and took a sharp right turn into his flat’s parking lot. The sticker on Chanhee’s windscreen let them through smoothly. An old sticker, it had been there longer than both passengers can remember.
‘I really cut them all off. Can you stop acting like nothing happened? It happened, it really did, stop fucking ignore it. Just...say something’
Hwiyoung pressed on the accelerator driving up the parking lot to find his spaces.
‘I don’t know anymore.You know, sometimes, I feel like I don’t know you anymore’ he cried out, a sick smile on his face. Hwiyoung barely glanced at his passenger before starting to park his car, sliding in next to his Harley-Davidson. His hand moved the gear to P spot and stopped the engine. Hwiyoung unsecured his safety belt and reached to open the door, but Chanhee caught his other wrist first.
‘Look at me in the eyes and tell me you don’t want me.’
‘You do. We both know it. Stop playing this whole fucking thing I’m so tired.’
Hwiyoung licked his lower lip nervously before turning to face Chanhee. Their gazes entwined. A small smile formed on Hwiyoung’s lips.
‘Yeah I do. I want you, in every way that a man can imagine. But remind me again how many times I ended up crying alone in my room because you left. Remind me who was the one who keeps shaking me off in front of friends. Remind me who said just fuck and forget. Now tell me who’s the one who keeps coming back. I never came back, the only thing I did was pick up a drunk Kang Chanhee so no one will be hurt from his drunk-driving ass. I can’t come back, Chanhee - I never left.’
Chanhee opened his mouth to speak but no words came out.
Hwiyoung laughed, hysterically. He shook his arm free, grabbed the coat thrown at the back seats and left the car. His eyes lingered after the taller man, who simply got on his Harvey-Davidson, put on his coat and helmet, and drove out.
It was the first time Hwiyoung left him.
It felt weird.
In a way he couldn’t understand.
Last night they had sex, but that was nothing new. He lost count of how many times he spent the night naked on Hwiyoung’s sheets. Waking up to a sleeping bedmate, usually making an exit with foundation on his neck before the other man even woke up. He left Hwiyoung. Every single time. And this morning was no different, he was in his car before Hwiyoung even left the bathroom. He just spent a little too much time contemplating life decisions in his car, and seeing Hwiyoung not caring -
Heartache.
That’s what he felt.
.
He didn’t know what was worse
.
.
Silence
or
the truths spilled from his mouth.
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.
It might have been only 4 am or so when Chanhee dragged his sober self to the front door. He slid down the cover and punched in the code. The lock made an electronic sound, and he pushed through and passed the door yelling 010. Took off his shoes, put on his slippers and hung the coat up, he looked around. The room was well-lit, an open beer can on the kitchen island, with a half eaten bag of chips. Hwiyoung left in a hurry. He let out a huge sigh.
After showering, and many twists and turns, his conscience refused to go to sleep. He ended up lying on the bed, facing the ceiling, wide awake. Millions of thoughts running wild, speaking of things he had been running away from for months or more. But in the pitch darkness, he could not run, he could not escape, for peace was the only thing he yearned, sleep never came to him.
The sound of passcode being punched in and the electrical noise unlocking the door drew his attention. His body, sprung upright, eyes - wide open, as light slowly penetrated the room through the small gap of the door. And walking in was Hwiyoung, and he let out a breath that he didn’t know he was holding.
Their gazes entwined momentarily.
Hwiyoung took off his shoes and coat, they were put next to Chanhee’s own shoes and coat. Slippers that looked identical to the one next to the bed were put on. He walked passed the kitchen island and grabbed the chair. Standing in front of Chanhee, their gazes intensified, a small smile formed on Hwiyoung’s lips. He sat down on his chair, looking directly into Chanhee’s eyes.
‘Did you get any sleep?’ Chanhee shook his head in response.
‘I guess it has nothing with being my place or yours.’ Chanhee looked down as Hwiyoung stated comfortably. As he looked up, he found that the other’s gaze did not even move.
‘Next time just say it, whatever you want, a driver, a cook, a fuck. I’ll be there.’ said Hwiyoung with a soft smile.
‘I’ve already spoiled you rotten, maybe that’s how it went wrong. But I mean, I did it at my own accord so really was it anyone’s fault but mine?’
Chanhee felt his saliva thickened as he swallowed it down with his pride. Hwiyoung let out a sigh.
‘What can I do right?’ Hwiyoung smiled, the brightest he had ever seen in the past few months since things had taken a downturn. Hwiyoung stood up and walked to the bathroom, leaving an awed Chanhee with an empty chair and a room that smelled like Hwiyoung and emptiness.
.
.
Refreshed, Hwiyoung walked out of the bathroom, finding Chanhee still sitting on the bed aimlessly.
‘Wanna go to sleep?’
‘Yeah’
Hwiyoung slid under the thick duvet on his side, with Chanhee slowly laying back onto the mattress, snuggling back into the duvet. He found comfort and warmth in the arms of the man next to him. Hwiyoung held him like he was the only thing that matters - and that was the only thing that mattered to him. Everything else can wait. With that thought, and Hwiyoung’s face nuzzled against the crook of his neck, he fell asleep.