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Nora knows she should sleep. They've got to get on a plane back to D.C. In a few hours, and even if they weren't flying, she should be exhausted. They've been up all night, but somehow, she's wide awake.
Eventually, she props herself up on an elbow, careful not to disturb Pez's arm where it rests across her waist. Careful not to move June too much, as her back is pressed against Nora's front. Careful not to ruin the moment, but no matter how perfect it was when she was lying down, she wants to see them both. She wants to be able to fully appreciate the people she's sandwiched between; the people who have held her and touched her and made her feel alive in ways she's never felt.
Carefully, gently, she leans over to kiss Pez's bare shoulder. The mark left by the lipstick she'd forgotten to take off sends a quiet thrill through her, a reassurance that, at least for tonight, Pez is hers to admire, hers to hold, hers to adore. She turns, carefully brushing June’s hair to the side. There’s a scar on the back of her neck from an accident with a curling iron, and Nora presses her lips just to that spot, leaving it covered in a mark that mirrors the one on Pez’s shoulder. June, too, is hers for the night, to love and cherish, to have and to hold until the sun comes up.
She almost wishes for a world where the sun won’t rise, where they can stay here forever and she can just be with these people. She could stay, holding June and being held by Pez, and the world could turn around them. Elections and fundraisers and everything else could pass them by, and she’d be here, happy and loved.
Almost as soon as she thinks it, she knows it can’t work. Sure, polyamory works for people, but for them? When they’re so clearly in the public eye, and when Pez is so in love with June? He's so handsome and funny, and June is so smart and kind. They're the perfect match; she'll help focus him and he'll help push her to greatness. With how well they fit, they don't have room for another piece of the puzzle, at least not in any real capacity. Nora's not part of their future. She can see the headlines now: the president’s daughter and the handsome philanthropist, saving the world. Going on double dates with Alex and Henry, making appearances at parties all over the world, a pair of matches made in tabloid heaven. June will write books that change the world, and Pez will spend his life helping people who need him. There’s no room in their fairy tale for the computer geek. They’ll come visit her sometimes, wherever she ends up, and she’ll pretend her heart doesn’t ache when they tell her everything they’ve done together.
She can do that. She can love them enough to be happy they’re happy, and if whatever’s happening with her emotions keeps happening, she can ignore it. As long as June and Pez are happy, she’ll be alright. She'll find a way to put the pieces of herself back to the way they were a few nights ago, before she knew what it felt like to be touched by the two most incredible people she's ever met, to be kissed and caressed and treated as important. Somehow, she'll go back to the way she was, and she'll manage to be happy with it as long as the other two get to be together.
June stirs a bit in her arms, and Nora pulls her closer, her fingers gently combing through June’s hair.
“Sleep, neshama sheli,” she murmurs. “I’ve got you, and Pez does, too. We’re here for you. We... we love you.”
She settles back onto the pillow to hold June tighter, and as sleep finally takes her, she feels Pez cuddle closer to her. He’s probably just moving to comfort June, but she lets herself believe, just for a minute, that she’s the one he’s here for.
Pez doesn't know how to explain why he needs to be in the US on election night. When the person in charge of his schedule asks, he'd said something about wanting to support Henry and how it's an important day for Alex and the American crew. They'd just nodded and scheduled the plane, and he'd tried to ignore the knowing look on their face. They're convinced of something, but he's just trying to support Henry and Alex in case something goes wrong.
Still, when he gets in late and has to tell the driver where to go, it's June's phone he tracks. He tells himself it's because he's not sure if Henry's connected to international signal. He tells himself it's nothing out of the ordinary. But somewhere in his gut, he knows it's because he wants to see her and Nora more than anything.
The girls are together, and when his driver drops him off near their phones, it turns out they're on a bridge. He sees them in a heartbeat, leaning against the railing with their shoulders pressed together, staring out over the Austin skyline. They're so close together, Nora leaning over to say something to June, and something he can't identify lodges itself in Pez's throat. In an instant, he can't believe he ever thought he could fit with these girls.
They've had years together, just the two of them. They spent the primaries leaning on each other, adapting to the spotlight together. June's told him how hard it was to spend her junior and senior years of college as a presidential candidate's daughter, but she'd had Nora to lean on through it all. Nora'd applied to colleges as the daughter of a vice presidential candidate, balancing AP classes and applications with appearances, scheduling college tours between campaign events and calculus tests. They'd learned to live in this world together, relying on each other while he was thinking about obnoxious waistcoats an ocean away. No matter how much he loves them, no matter how important they’re both becoming to him, he’ll never fit into their world.
June turns to whisper something into Nora’s ear, and Pez feels his stomach twist. They’re both so beautiful, so smart and lovely. Watching them together, he can’t believe he’d ever thought he could love June alone. She’s mesmerizing, as lovely as she is smart and obviously incredible, but then there’s Nora. Funny, wonderful Nora, who isn’t afraid to make fun of him, who makes him laugh so hard his sides ache. Nora who brings out a lighter side of June, who can get June to smile even on her hardest days, who can bring her back to the person they both love.
A bicycle passes him, its bell dinging to get him out of the way, and June looks over. Under the streetlight, he can see the moment the grin explodes across her face like a firework.
“Pez!” She’s running toward him, and he picks her up and spins her, plopping a kiss on her cheek as he shoves his feelings back into the box where they belong. Nora’s there, so he spins her, too, mostly because she doesn’t want to be spun. She gets a cheek kiss, too, and he ignores the way warmth spreads through him at her happy surprise.
“You two look absolutely stunning,” he tells them. “I’m sorry I missed the party; we hit a nasty storm over Dallas.”
“You are completely forgiven,” June says, kissing his cheek. “Come on; we’re going to walk downtown so I can show y’all Austin.”
She takes Nora’s hand, then reaches for his, and Pez is helpless to do anything but follow her. As they try to fit three onto the sidewalk, his shoulder presses up against June’s, and he feels the point of contact like an electric storm. She just pulls them forward, absolutely glowing as she shows off her hometown. Pez glances over at Nora, and he sees his own adoration mirrored on her face, and he feels another lump in his throat as he realizes he never stood a chance.
They end the night all piling into a car, their feet sore but hearts light. June leans forward to give their driver the address, and by the time she looks back, Pez and Nora are both half asleep, heads and bodies piled against each other. Pez’s hand is on Nora’s thigh, her head on his shoulder and legs draped across his lap. They look so comfortable together, so completely natural, and June's not sure how she ever thought they’d need her. Pez murmurs something in Nora’s ear, and Nora nods sleepily. She yawns, and he sticks a finger in her mouth. They both laugh, and she cuddles closer to him.
June just swallows the lump in her throat as Nora pulls her closer and she cuddles up to the two of them, but later that night, when they’re all sprawled across her childhood bed, she feels it again. That ache in her gut, the quiet wonder that she gets to spend any time at all with these people. They're both so vibrant and full of life, and she's not sure how she ever managed to get even a little time with them both.
She tries to ignore it, thinking instead about how she's glad she'd asked for a queen sized bed as a teenager. Across the hall, she'd heard Alex and Henry arguing about fitting in his twin, and she knows there's no way all three of them could have fit in one. That gets her back to the two people in her bed, though, and her breath catches as she looks at them. They'd all done a half-assed job of taking off their makeup, so there are still smudges of eyeliner across Pez's eyelids, and Nora's mascara is slowly rubbing off to pool below her eyes, making her look even more tired than June knows she is.
It just feels so surreal to have them both here. They could have gone to a hotel; they'd reserved rooms for at least Nora and June. But it felt right to come here, back to where everything started. It's not the first time Nora's slept in this bed, or even the first time she's gone to sleep in June's clothes. But something about having her and Pez together, wearing old Austin High t-shirts and sweat pants she'd left behind when she moved to DC, feels different. It feels dangerous, somehow, like they're exposed and vulnerable without the armor of their normal clothes. She's seen them both naked, and seen Nora in every possible stage of undress, but even that felt less charged than seeing them like this.
For just a moment, she looks at them, curled up together, and tries to imagine what it might be like to belong to them. She tries to think of how it might feel to know that there's a different kind of love behind Nora's hugs, or to think Pez actually means his flirting and isn't just using it to have fun or make Nora jealous. She wonders what it would be like to make Nora laugh the way Pez does, to bring that unabashed joy out in her best friend or to make her face light up the way he can. Maybe, if she wasn't the first daughter of a country, if she could learn to relax more, she could fit in with them. Maybe if things were different, she could be enough to match their energies, to keep up with them instead of just being dead weight.
Maybe, if the world cared about them less, they could care about each other more. They could at least care about each other differently. She's never loved Nora any less, she's just loved her differently, dancing around the shift until that night in LA that changed everything.
She tries not to think about that night, but she can't help it. Not with the others in her bed, both quiet and happy without a care in the world. She's let her mind wander too far, and it's found its way back to that hotel room, to the feeling of hands and mouths, of tender touches and gentle care. It's found its way to Nora's arms around her, probably just to have somewhere to put them while Pez hugged her, but no matter how much she knows it's not true, her mind has delved into her subconscious and found a story about Nora holding her close because she loves June the way June loves her. Right beside that story, her mind finds a dream where Pez's flirting means something, where his appearing on that bridge tonight was more for them than for Henry, where the other two love her the same way they love each other.
It's a narrative that she knows can't be right, but maybe, just for tonight, as she cuddles closer to the other two, she can pretend to believe it.
June's convinced herself that she's ready to see Pez on New Year's. She'd invited him this year, and surely, after seeing Nora all dolled up, she'll be able to handle whatever he brings.
She was wrong. She's with Nora when he comes in, and she can't help but gasp when she sees him. He looks stunning, her mind takes her back to the night in Austin after the election, zooming in on how he'd looked wearing her clothes and sleeping in her bed. Beside her, Nora lets out a short laugh. It seems forced, somehow, but June can't imagine why.
"He had to go all out, didn't he? I mean, he looks great, but the man wouldn't know subtle if it hit him with a bus. He's such a dork." The obvious affection in her voice jolts June back to reality, to the reminder that as much as she likes Pez, Nora's the one he would go for.
"I still don't know how he survived with a uniform at Eton," June says, trying not to be obviously enamored with him. He and Nora are her best friends, and she can be happy for them when they get together, god damn it.
Still, the three of them spend the night together, and Pez is as affectionate with her as he is with Nora. Even if it's a ploy to make Nora jealous, June will take what she can get, and if she lets the party atmosphere work its magic instead of thinking too hard, she can pretend it's real.
They're about to start the countdown, and June's next to Pez when Nora crashes into them both. They count down in a huddle, and at midnight, Nora grabs Pez's face and kisses him, hard. June looks away automatically and finds herself looking directly at Alex and Henry, and she's just finding somewhere else to look when a hand pulls her face back toward Nora.
A moment later, Nora's lips are on hers.
June feels herself melt into Nora's kiss, her whole body shutting down so her mind can focus on the feel of Nora's lips on hers, Nora's hand on her chin, Nora's hair through her fingers, Nora, Nora, Nora. Her lipstick tastes like vanilla and her breath tastes like alcohol and her hands are warm on June's cheeks, and she's all around her, and June never wants it to end.
Nora is the one to pull away, and June is left reeling as Nora cheers. She knows people around her are celebrating, welcoming the new year, but she can't seem to process any of it. Her whole body buzzes with electricity, but her mind has been reduced to a haze of Nora's hand on her hip, Pez's hand brushing her side. He grabs her, too, and before she knows it, he's dipping her into a kiss that tastes like Nora's schnapps and his champagne. If Nora's kiss was melted her down to a single point, his fills her with energy, cutting her up and scattering her consciousness into little stars, a night so fine she never wants to return to the day.
It's not long after that they leave the party, sneaking up to June's room with much more noise than they'd planned. They all pile into her bathroom, wiping off glittery eye shadow and vibrant lipstick. Nora presses a kiss to the back of June's neck, right at the spot where she'd found lipstick after LA, and June shivers in spite of herself. The rules feel different here; they're less free than they were in a hotel room or her childhood house. The White House has rules and ghosts, but as much as it feels like this shouldn't be allowed, she can't bring herself to ask anyone to stop.
It's not until the next morning, when she wakes up sandwiched between Nora and Pez, that it all hits her like a truck. After Nora and Pez get together, they won't be able to do this anymore. Even if they do, it won't be the same, and it's only a matter of time before things change forever. She'll be left behind, and she's always known she would be, but this time, it feels different. Now that she has time to think about how it felt to spend a night with them both, now that she's got a morning with them where she's not rushing onto a plane or a post-election day interview, she has time for her heart to ache for more.
She can't think here. She has to find a way to grieve this and still pull herself together by the time the others wake up, and she can't do that here. But she's not even halfway out of bed when Nora stirs, reaching for the spot where June was as she rubs her eyes.
"June?" Nora's said her name a million times, but it feels different now, in the soft light of the early morning. It pulls at something deep in June's soul, and it feels like something in her starts to unravel.
"I'm fine, babe. Go back to sleep," she says, but her voice sounds wrong. The pet name tastes sour in her mouth, and she can feel Nora on the bed a second before her arms wrap around June's shoulders. She yawns in June's ear, and it's such a simple thing, so easily comfortable, but it feels like a stab in the chest. This is the life she wants with them; a world where she can wake up every morning to Nora's arms around her and Pez snoring in the background.
"What's wrong?" Nora asks, because of course she knows. They've been through enough together, and Nora knows her well enough to sense that it's not alright, no matter how much June pretends.
June takes a deep breath, trying to steady herself for a second, weighing her options. Eventually, she says, "I just love you is all."
"I love you, too, but I'm not sneaking out of bed about it."
"I... I think maybe I love you too much," June says past the lump in her throat. "Both of you. Or maybe I can love this much, but I love you wrong."
"It's too early for riddles," Nora says, her nose scrunched up like June's a math problem that won't make sense.
"I see how you two look at each other," June says, trying to keep whatever portion of her face Nora can see neutral. "I know how you feel about him, and I'm happy for you. I really, really am; I think you two will make each other really happy. And I'm going to be happy, too, I just... sometimes, I wish we could have this. All three of us. And I know we can't, not with everything, and I know you're going to be happy together, so I can be happy for you, but I just... I think maybe this isn't a good idea, because I'm going to get jealous, and as your friend, getting jealous of you and your boyfriend would be a really, really shitty thing to do to you."
"June, I... I don't just want to date Pez. I love him, yeah, but I love him the way I love you."
"But still, it... he loves you romantically, and it's only a matter of time before you fall in love with him. He's so funny, and I see the way you just glow when you're around him. You get happier, and you always look like you're having so much fun, and--"
"June. Stop, and just... I need to get this out before you spiral. Listen to me. I love you. A lot. I have for ages, and in LA, I... I was up for an hour just thinking about how much I loved you and Pez, but I could never date you both because you were so in love. You said you see how we look at each other, but I thought... I mean, he's been flirting with you for a year, June."
"To have fun, or to make you jealous," June says, almost automatically. "But I just... I..."
"I think we're both in love with you, babe," Nora says. Her hand trails down June's back as the bed shifts beside them.
"What's happening? Are we confessing our love?" Pez asks. He's rubbing his eyes, smearing neon eyeliner across the bridge of his nose. "I'm in love with both of you; can you lie down again? I think cuddles are a necessary part of breakfast in bed."
June laughs, not quite sure what else to do, and after a moment, Nora laughs, too.
"Aww, babe, you really thought we were going to just leave you out in the cold."
"I'm sorry for trying to be a good friend," June complains. Still, it's hard to feel anything but happy as Pez pulls her back to bed, trailing kisses up her arm while Nora finds an extra blanket at the end of the bed. Later, they'll have someone from the kitchen send up breakfast, and Pez will drop egg and hot sauce onto June's clean sheets. It'll stain, and she'll pretend to complain about it, but she'll ask the staff to keep giving her the same sheets because the stain reminds her of this morning.
Even later, they'll talk about how they can make this work, and they'll find a balance and a system that works for the three of them. They'll figure out how to date while Pez is living in England, and they'll set boundaries and cover what they're all comfortable with.
Eventually, they'll tell Alex and Henry, and Henry will have seen it coming, but Alex will be completely blindsided.
But for now, it's enough to be in bed together, stealing blankets and snuggling closer while the world wakes up outside.