Slow Dancing in Cicely

by butterflycollective

Summary:

After Matt is blown up by a car bomb, CJ moves away to Cicely to rebuild her life amid a cast of eccentric characters trying their best to get in her way

Notes:

Writing the characters of both shows for fun

Chapter 1

Los Angeles, California

 

She approached the grave from behind a grove of trees, after the ground keeper at the cemetery had cleared away the vestiges of ornaments sprinkled on various sites over the holiday. Dressed in black, she carried her flowers with her to the spot where a grave had been dug several weeks before. Few people milled around the cemetery this morning unlike that day when hundreds of people had witnessed the burial. Today, a couple with a small child sat near a grave marker laying fresh carnations and a toy truck in front of it. Another woman held a handkerchief tight in her hand, standing a distance away in front of another grave.

She took a deep breath watching the people around her looking for someone who didn't belong as she neared his grave. The grave stone had just been added several days before and she knelt before it on the grass, touching it with her fingers. He had been young when he had died, far too young when his life had been taken right in front of her. Much too quickly for any final words to be said between them. But what would you say in the final seconds of someone's life even if you saw it coming? How do you end a lifelong relationship in a few words? She hadn't been able to figure it out then and she couldn't now. She just knew she missed him too much for someone who wasn't coming back.

She lay the flowers down in front of his headstone and sat beside it for a while, trying to find the right words now to say goodbye. After she left the cemetery, she would be leaving L.A. now a city of bad memories to start a new life far away somewhere where people didn't know her or the man she had lost. She had submitted her resignation from her job and had said all her goodbyes this morning. This would be the final one before she moved on without looking back.

She had spent hours at the library searching for small towns off the beaten path to serve as her next home, careful not to do her investigation on any computers that could be traced by anyone else. A week ago, she had chosen the perfect town that a woman with a secret could hide in and build a new life for herself. Thousands of miles and a whole world away, it was a place where no one would come looking even as they might search everywhere else for any sign of her.

Reaching into her coat pocket, she pulled out a folded envelope and placed it next to the flowers. Inside were papers stained by her tears when she had folded them after writing forever it seemed.

C.J. fingered the head stone again and felt tears burn the corners of her eyes. She kissed her fingers and then touched it again.

"Goodbye, Houston."

 

A month later… Cicely, Alaska

 

Business boomed at the Brick as it usually did early in the mornings, as the town of Cicely woke up to face a new day. Shelli the waitress who was wearing an apron over her baby bump buzzed around tables carrying trays of food to the customers who settled for drinking coffee and trading anecdotes about their lives while they waited.

"Sorry for the wait," she said breathlessly as she handed some men dressed in hunting gear some omelets and fried potatoes, "The grill had to be cleaned last night after the party."

No further explanation was really necessary, she knew. Everyone in town had been there, well almost everyone she thought looking again at the young woman sitting by herself at a table in the corner. No one knew much about her or even when she had first arrived in Cicely, they just knew they liked her. Much of the town had just looked at Bricks one morning and saw her there among the regulars and a handful of tourists. At first, she had kept to herself except there were rumors that she had signed an open ended lease for one of Maggie's spare cabins and that she had visited Joel Fleishman the town's transplanted doctor not long after she arrived. No one in Cicely would dare even think of breaching the doctor-client confidentiality which they viewed to be almost sacred. Everyone at Cicely's equivalent of a water cooler just hoped she was feeling okay. Even when she started mingling among them, there was so much they didn't know and they didn't press her to tell them. They just waited patiently especially during times like this morning.

"She's always sitting there," a voice said, "looking as sad as the day before."

Shelli looked up.

"Ed, what are you doing here," she said, "I thought you were shooting a movie on the history of Cicely."

Ed grabbed a milk that one of the cooks gave him.

"She wanted a job," he said, simply.

Shelli's brow furrowed and she swept back her hair.

"Who wanted a job?"

"The woman sitting over there," he said, "She's going to help me gather our town's history. She's been busy for a while already but she doesn't talk much."

Shelli scratched her head.

"Now how can she do that," she asked, "She's not even from here."

Ed looked back at where she sat, nibbling at her eggs.

"She's very sad," he repeated, "but she used to work as a lawyer and did a lot of investigating where she's from."

"Did she say where that is?"

He shook his head.

"It must have been a big city," he said, "She must have lost someone there. Someone she loved and who maybe loved her back."

Shelli studied her.

"Yeah, she does look like that," she said, "It's not the hangdog look you so often see when women drop by here. It's a, I don't know, forlorn look like she's survived some unbearable tragedy like in one of those Harlequin…novels."

Ed nodded.

"Like Kate Winslett at the end of the Titanic," he said, "after she's been rescued and she's thinking back to her lost love."

"But Leo DiCaprio drowned in the freezing water after saving Kate's life," Shelli said, "He saved her life in more ways than one in that flick."

Ed looked at Shelli thinking that was an astute observation coming from someone whose taste ran in telenovelas and those new reality shows which had bombarded even the air waves of Alaska in the past several years.

"Maybe it's an example of real life imitating art right here in Cicely," he said.

Shelli couldn't disagree. After all, it wouldn't be the first time...

Chapter 2

C.J. tried to focus on eating her breakfast but didn't have much of an appetite. She knew that would have to change, after all that's what the town doctor had told her during her appointment after she had arrived.

He had paced in front of her as she sat on the examination table wearing one of those silly gowns and read her a laundry list of the foods she needed to eat. She knew she had lost some pounds but it had been a difficult couple of months.

"And plenty of fruits and vegetables, not that they're easy to find in these parts so I'm prescribing you some vitamins."

"That will be fine," she said.

He looked at her.

"You're coming here just to visit right," he said, "I mean no one in their right mind from the continental United States i.e. civilization would move to this God-forsaken wilderness."

She glanced at him startled by his passionate dislike for the place where he practiced medicine.

"Actually I'm thinking about staying for a while," she said, "It's beautiful here."

"The spring's not too bad except they have this crazy ritual where the men strip down naked, yes I mean naked, and run through the ice and snow."

Her brow rose.

"That must be a sight," she said, "Something to look forward to I guess after a long cold winter."

Still, for someone who had spent almost every morning the past couple of months trying to keep her breakfast down and who had been too filled with anxiety the rest of the time to eat, she felt she held her own. She hoped the vomiting would soon be a memory as the doctor had assured her would be the case and things would go smoother as she adjusted to her new life. He had been friendly and certainly professional enough and his receptionist, a Native American woman named Marilyn hadn't said much, just smiled at her when she walked in the office.

He had reassured her that nausea was normal as was her pregnancy and she had to keep from telling him that nothing in her life resembled normality. She had been in Cicely several weeks at that point and had gotten use to the quiet tranquility of rural living and even the bitter cold that mercifully would soon give way to the upcoming spring. Sure, seeing a moose walk down the main strip in town had jarred her a little but she knew that the more inhospitable the town appeared, the less likely that it would be on anyone's list to search. And the town's people hadn't been anything but hospitable. Maintaining a polite demeanor while allowing her to keep her distance until she was ready to get to know them and allow them to get to know her.

Ruth-Anne, for example, who ran the town's general store in the middle of town. C.J. had stopped by there to pick up some vitamins that the doctor had prescribed. Ruth-Anne hadn't asked any questions just smiled at her as she rang up her purchase.

"This town is very nice," she had said.

The older woman's face crinkled into a smile.

"We're like a lot of small towns in Alaska in some ways," she said, "And very different in others."

C.J. had digested that and had picked up her grocery bag.

"If you like, we have a Scrabble night," Ruth-Anne said, "We take turns hosting. Just something to do to keep us from going stir crazy during these cold winters."

C.J. nodded.

"I like Scrabble," she said, "Houston and I…"

She had started to tell Ruth-Anne something about herself and him then she stopped and just began to walk away.

Ruth-Anne had watched her go and when she ran into Shelli later that day getting her nails done at the beauty parlor, she had mentioned that the new woman had dropped by her store to pick up some prenatal vitamins.

"I didn't see a wedding ring," Shelli said, "I didn't see any ring at all."

"I'm sure it's a very tragic story," Ruth-Anne said, shaking her head, "A woman all alone having a baby in a strange town…"

Shelli frowned.

"We're not so strange Ruth-Anne."

"I mean a town where she doesn't know anyone," Ruth-Anne continued, "And no man in sight."

Shelli didn't look fazed.

"Well that can be fixed," she said, "There's plenty of men in Alaska and I'm sure most of them won't mind if she's pregnant with someone else's child."

"Shelli, we don't know that she is looking for a father," Ruth-Anne scolded, "or a boyfriend for that matter."

Shelli had just shrugged adding that when you're pregnant, it was only natural to not want to spend it alone.

"Not to mention what it does to your mind," she said, shaking her head, "These days when I see Hollings in his long-johns, I just want to…"

Ruth raised her hand.

"Enough," she said, "Or you'll have me reminiscing."

C.J. had gone to several of the Scrabble nights and had enjoyed herself thoroughly once she let her guard down. Being a Harvard trained lawyer, most word games came naturally to her and she won a lion share of them. But more importantly, she got to know most of the town's women including Shelli who aced Scrabble having had much practice playing a naughtier version with Hollings on long nights in the darkness of the winter months.

Ruth-Anne brought over the most intricately designed and tasty snacks to the gatherings and each woman contributed a dessert dish or a beverage. In deference to both C.J. and Shelli, sparkling apple cider or grape juice was always included with the alcohol-laced cider.

"I could get drunk on this stuff," Shelli said, leaning back and patting her growing belly after one particular long Scrabble tournament had wound down with the women relaxing away the remaining hours of the evening by talking about anything that came to mind. C.J. mostly listened, fascinated at the lives of the women which unfolded before her in vivid detail. She exercised caution over revealing information about her own past and the women never prodded her. They somehow knew she would share parts of her background with them when she was ready.

It was nice to forget about her past at least for a little while.

"So you used to be a lawyer," Maurice asked her as she sat in his impressive and stylishly decorated house. Obviously, he held an important position as a power broker in an unpretentious small town. She had already discovered that most of the town's inhabitants had varying degrees of a love/hate relationship with the man who pumped a lot of the money into jump starting the town's economy.

She sipped her water, having nixed his invitation to join him in drinking Scotch. Her morning had led to an uneventful afternoon, the type where if she could string enough of them in a row, she might start breathing easier even as her heart kept aching.

She looked up at him.

"Yes I was," she said, "Mostly corporate litigation but some criminal law."

Maurice laughed.

"We don't have much of a need for either in Cicely young lady," he said, "Are you employed right now?"

She lifted her chin.

"I'm working as a research assistant for Ed on his film."

Maurice leaned back in his chair.

"Ah yes, the one he's doing as part of our new advertising campaign for the tourist crowd," he said. "Even with the grant from my foundation, he won't be able to pay you very much."

C.J. felt confused as this wasn't how Ed explained his cinematic vision to her during the short interview he conducted in his workshop behind his mother's house.

"He seemed to be a very nice man," she said, "I look forward to helping him on his film."

"I could find you some work to do," Maurice said, sipping his Scotch thoughtfully, "But I saw you leaving the doctor's office the other day and I hope everything's all right."

She sighed, reaching for what looked like pretzels.

"Not that it's any of your business but I was getting a checkup," she said, "Although I had planned to tell you in the interest of disclosure that I am pregnant."

Maurice rubbed his chin and his eyes fell where he believed the wedding ring should be. She saw his mind working with that information.

"I'm not married in case you're wondering," she said, "is that a problem for you because it shouldn't be. Discriminating against women who are pregnant is illegal so I would advise you…"

She thought she might have offended him but he laughed instead.

"My you're sure a headstrong filly…"

"Excuse me," she said, feeling irritation flow through her.

"I like that in a woman," he said, his glance making it clear that wasn't all he liked, "I think I can find you some work but it might take you a few days."

She nodded.

"That will be fine," she said, "You can reach me here."

She handed him her contact information.

He scratched his jaw.

"You're staying in one of Maggie's cabins," he said, "If you're ever free one night and want a meal cooked by someone good enough to be a gourmet chef…"

"You cook?"

He nodded, proudly.

"It's among my many talents," he said, "I'm the second best chef in these parts and the best one…well he's a little bit crazy."

She looked at him warily.

"I'll…think about it," she said, getting up, "Thank you for taking the time to talk to me."

C.J. lay back on her bed, pulling the wool comforter over her as she read through the preliminary script for Ed's film. She looked around the simply furnished cabin, which had very few of her personal touches to it. She would have to remedy that since she planned to be staying in Cicely for a while. She couldn't say how long, let alone forever, because so much could change in a moment's notice. A blink of your eye and it could all disappear. She had learned that when she had seen Matt climb inside a blazer before it burst into flame. The blast had blown so much heat in her face that it took several minutes before she could look back to see a ball of flame replace what had once been a car. And just like that, he was gone.

She shook her head to clear that vision away. Remembering that tragic incident that had ripped her life in pieces wouldn't serve any purpose. She needed to look forward now and start her new life.

Someone knocking on the front door interrupted her thoughts. She opened the door and saw Maggie standing on her porch with a basket. She let her inside.

"I brought you some venison that Hollings brought in last weekend," Maggie said, "Thought you might like it."

C.J. did, having eaten more than her share of it while growing up on a ranch in Texas.

"Thank you," she said, accepting the basket.

Maggie looked around the cabin.

"This is my favorite one," she said, softly. "Especially since my mother burned down what used to be my favorite one."

C.J. looked puzzled and Maggie smiled.

"Oh it was an accident…or so she said," she continued, "We have a rather tumultuous mother/daughter relationship."

"I see," C.J. said, studying the woman's animated face and her dark hair cut like a pixie.

She knew that Maggie was a licensed pilot with her own plane who flew people including hunters, tourists and the U.S. mail to and from Cicely to just about any destination and back. She had heard rumors that Maggie had a bad run of luck with men and hints that some of them met untimely ends. Something both women might have in common, C.J. thought. She noticed that Maggie didn't wear her pain on her face if she were feeling any but looked relatively happy.

"Well I better be going," Maggie said, "I have an early flight tomorrow. I'm picking up a man from Anchorage. He just flew in today."

"Tourist," C.J. asked more casually than she felt.

"Property developer according to him," Maggie said, "Land speculator if you ask me. Maurice will have a field day with him."

With that, Maggie had left the cabin and C.J. had gone back to bed, pulling up the blankets around her. Watching the shadows dance on the wall, she found herself missing him. That last night they had spent together, wrapped in each other arms after hours spent discovering each other, before he had left her forever. She revisited that place many times including in her dreams, imagining all the different ways it could have ended without taking him with it. Tonight was no different as she curled up in her bed, her tears drying on her face by the time she fell asleep.

Shelli kicked off the covers and reached for the light.

"What's the matter Shelli," Hollings said still half asleep on his side of the bed.

"I can't sleep."

"Why not," he said, as she snapped on the light.

"I can't stop thinking of that poor woman, the one who just moved here."

He looked at her sternly.

"Shelli have you been prying," he asked.

She shook her head.

"I've been playing Scrabble, not the same version we play but she's been to the last few games."

"I didn't know that," he said, sitting up.

"She's a cracker jack player," Shelli said, "Wins almost every time then looks like she wants to apologize."

"She probably doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings."

Shelli sighed.

"I just was thinking what would I do if I were pregnant with little Hollings, jr and there were no Hollings?"

He paused.

"Now that's a depressing thought," he said, "Now Shelli, you know I'll be there for both of you."

She smiled at him in a way that never failed to warm his heart.

"I know that Hollings, but she has no one," she said, "She's going to have a baby all by herself."

"Women do it all the time Shelli."

"Maybe," she said, "But it has to be lonely. I wonder what happened to him."

"Who?"

"Her baby's father of course," Shelli said, impatiently, "I bet it's something really sad."

"It's not anyone's business unless she wants it to be," he reminded her.

"Maybe she's just waiting for someone to ask," Shelli said.

Hollings sighed, knowing that Shelli had a good heart and always wanted to help people and make them feel better but sometimes people just wanted to be left alone. He had felt that way enough times himself and the wilderness had become his refuge. Maybe this woman felt that way too.

"Maybe she's just hoping for some peace," he said, "so that she can do her own thinking."

Shelli thought about that and then shook her head.

"I think I'm going to throw a party and invite her," she said, "Not a huge party or anything, just a small get-together for the girls."

Hollings watched her brain working at 2 a.m. and it scared him. Her eyes lit up.

"I know," she said, "It will be like a day at the spa. We can do facials and manicures and make those what do you call them, smoothies."

Hollings groaned.

"Maybe she doesn't want all this fuss."

Shelli looked at her beloved like he was crazy. "

"I think a spa day would be awesome," she said, "I'll start planning it in the morning."

Hollings smiled, despite himself. Once Shelli got it in her mind to do something, she was an unstoppable force of nature, kind of like a tornado. Stopping either was futile. All anyone could do was to just sit back and watch until they ran out of steam and life settled down again.

Chapter 3

The alarm clock jolted C.J. out of her sleep. She usually didn't need one but the mornings were so dark in Alaska this time of year that it might be too late for work by the time she woke up. The dreams hadn't returned and she actually woke up feeling rested as she lay back waiting for her stomach to settle down.

She didn't have much time to get ready and grab a bite to eat before heading off to do research in different corners of Cicely for Ed's film. She wondered if he knew that Maurice's plans for his final product differed from his own vision and then figured that as far as the young filmmaker was concerned, it probably wouldn't matter much.

Finally getting out of bed, she went to the kitchen to make some tea and grab some breakfast. She liked working with Ed and she looked forward to any work that would get her mind off of her own life for a while. She had spent the past several weeks working with Ed as they went to interview different residents of the town especially the old-timers who had spent their entire lives never having gone down to the Lower 48. The residents that she had spoken to had been very friendly, inviting her into their homes and had opened up talking about the town's colorful history, most notably the oft-circulated tale about Rosalyn and Cicely, the town's founders. She never tired of hearing the various versions of that story that floated throughout the town.

In between, she and Ed spent time drinking hot tea and talking about what they hoped to see from the film when it was finally completed. He never pressed her for details of her life and she found him a soft-spoken yet well mannered young man.

They drove in a truck in a small road from the house of an old woman who had regaled them both with stories of the years she had spent traveling in a carnival throughout Alaska until she had married the sword swallower and settled down to raise a family of acrobatic men who were all working on oil rigs around the country. She had also whispered about Cicely's legendary "Big Foot".

She furrowed her brow.

"What's this about "Big Foot," she said, "Is that this area's version of the sasquatch legend?"

Ed shook his head.

"No, just Adam."

"Who's Adam?"

Ed narrowly dodged a dog running loose on the road.

"A man who married Eve."

Now she felt really confused.

"Not the Adam in the Bible, but the one who's Big Foot in these parts."

Ed nodded.

"He married Eve too, just like in the Bible," he said, "Except he's taller and hairier and a world-famous chef."

"Not the best chef in Cicely," C.J. said.

Ed looked surprised.

"You heard about him?"

She shrugged.

"Not really," she said, "Maurice just said he was a great gourmet cook himself but only the second best in Cicely."

Ed nodded again.

"He's right," he said, "Adam's the best chef in Alaska."

"I'd like to interview him," C.J. said.

"He might not like that," Ed said, "but then he might. It depends on his mood."

"I see," she said, or so she thought as they continued driving back to town.

 

Maggie taxied her plane and readied for takeoff to Anchorage, the closest thing that Alaska had to an urban center. Not that she minded, because she loved the rugged nature of living a state where the sun shone at midnight and the aureoles borealis lit the sky during certain times of the year. The tourist trade kept her well-fed and as for the adage that Alaska had the largest population of eligible men, well that had done wonders for her social life. She bristled inwardly just as she did anytime anyone approached her with observations, questions or God forbid, advice about her history with men since she had moved to Alaska.

She had loved each and every one of them up to the moments of their untimely deaths. Whether it was freezing on a glacier or getting struck down in their prime by a wayward satellite, all of Maggie's men had brought much joy to her life. The fact that they had all died not long before hooking up with her didn't make her the human version of the Black Widow spider. After all, she didn't kill them. Nature and the dangerous and seductive lifestyle that Alaska offered to the world's alpha men had killed them. She was as innocent a victim as they had been and she had been the one left alive to mourn them and to add an effigy of what they had represented to the shrine she had kept on the mantle of her old cabin until her mother had of course burned it down to the ground.

The plane took off effortlessly, leaving the ground rushing underneath it and the endless possibilities of the pale blue sky above. The clouds had burned off this morning and the town of Cicely had been treated to a sunny if chilly day, which by its end might provide them with a taste of the spring to come.

She was heading off to Anchorage to pick up one fare. Another land developer traveling to Cicely to probably meet and kick back with Maurice over some choice cigars and a couple bottles of Scotch to discuss the town's future as a Mecca to tourists. Every time she thought about that, it nearly made her sick. What if Maurice's vision of strip malls and gaudy entertainment venues became a reality some day? She shook that thought out of her mind and replacing it was something even more annoying.

Joel Fleishman.

Kissing him in the barn during the ice melting period that had driven the entire town crazy had been the worst mistake she had ever made. Even worse than taking Billy Preston to the spring formal in the 10th grade back in Gross point, Michigan where she had grown up as a very different and hopefully deceased Maggie O'Connell. Okay, Joel was a cutie especially when he smiled at her in a way that nearly made her melt even in the near Arctic snow. And he was actually fun to be around when not whining about being a medical school graduate forcefully seized to live out the next few years as an indentured servant of the State of Alaska. Still, he annoyed her at least 20 hours out of every single day and their constant arguments had become legendary. She started nodding her head at that thought then the heat blazed through her. Damn, he could kiss, she sighed and weaken a girl's knees along with her will to stay away. But even if she did put aside all his flaws and the very good reasons they shouldn't get together, if they did hook up, he would just end up dying and she'd have to add some remnant of him to the new shrine she had started for her deceased trail of lovers after the fire.

She looked ahead, thinking that it would surely be a gorgeous day.

 

C.J. sat at the Brick eating lunch. Shelli had buzzed by in between deliveries to breathlessly invite her to some sort of spa night with the girls. She assumed it was the same crowd that she saw on Scrabble night. She smiled at the younger girl and told her she would think about it. It sounded like it might be fun and she needed to get out once in a while.

She sipped her soup, not sure what was hiding beneath the creamy broth but it sure tasted good. The room was packed with the lunch crowd, including fur trappers, loggers and a tourist here or there. Joel had stopped by and said that he was glad to see her eating more before he began his latest diatribe about life out in the tundra. She watched him and decided that she would give anything to have his problem. She'd live anywhere on the planet if she could just bring him back. It had taken them far too long to find each other even though they had known each other most of their lives. They had been best friends but hadn't crossed the line to become something more and when that finally happened, it had been during a moment of duress. If he hadn't been killed in an explosion, she wondered what would have happened to the two of them. It became obvious about six weeks or so and a couple of pink sticks later what her future held, only by then he had been gone.

How would he have reacted to the news? She thought he would have been happy whether or not they had gotten together. He had always wanted children and they would have worked something out if they had decided to remain just friends. Now of course that chance was gone forever and she was left alone to raise their child in a world that had gotten more dangerous when it became clear that those responsible for taking him from her still viewed her as a threat. And she still hadn't learned why he had been killed and why his killers had come looking for her.

She shivered as she remembered her escaping their grasp and hoped she had run far enough away from them. But knowing that any minute they could show up wherever she went. Still, the quiet tranquility of Cicely had bit her like a bug and she found herself beginning to settle into her new life. At least, that's what she kept telling herself.

 

The first thing Maggie noticed was the pair of cowboy boots on the feet of the handsomest legs she had seen on a gorgeous man in a good while. She sucked in her breath as she reached out her hand to shake his.

"I'm Maggie O'Connell," she said, smiling, "I'm your pilot."

If he found her as attractive as she found him, he sure didn't show it. His grip was strong, his palm warm and appropriately callused which meant that even as a hated developer, he had some sort of intimate relationship with hard work and building something from the ground up. She could almost forgive him for everything else.

His brown eyes crinkled when he smiled.

"I'm…"

"Joshua Walton," Maggie finished, "at least that's what is on the passenger manifest."

He nodded.

"My friends just call me Josh," he said, easily.

"The name suits you," she said, taking in the casual jeans and long sleeved shirt that he wore beneath his coat, "You're going to be in Cicely long?"

He paused.

"Just until I get my work done," he said, "It depends on how well things go."

She made a face.

"Just watch out for Maurice," she warned, "He'll try to sell you some worthless sand pits."

"Huh?"

Maggie shrugged.

"You are coming to Cicely to buy up some land," she said.

He brightened.

"Oh yeah," he said, "I've got a blank checkbook from the boss."

Well, there went the neighborhood, she thought. She looked at his baggage.

"Are those your things?"

He nodded.

"I always travel light," he said, "I do a lot of traveling."

He didn't wear a wedding ring, not that it meant anything.

"Your family doesn't mind?"

His face darkened a little bit.

"I'm on my own now."

Maggie nodded and then she frowned.

"What's the matter," he asked.

She sighed.

"I hate to tell you this but we're grounded until tomorrow."

He looked confused.

"But it's a beautiful day."

She grimaced.

"I popped a part on the engine," she said, "but I'll get you out of here bright and early tomorrow."

He thought about it.

"I'm in kind of a hurry," he said, "Are you sure there's no other transportation?"

She looked at him, a bit crestfallen at the concern on his face and feeling like she let him down.

"There's a guy with some sled dogs," she said, "but it might take a while to get to Cicely."

He ran his hand through his hair.

"I think tomorrow morning will be just fine," he said, "Is there any recommendations you have for a place to hang my hat in the meantime?"

"There's a pretty good hotel with an excellent piano bar," Maggie said, "I used to play myself but Chris, you know he just had to break his artistic slump by turning it into a work of art by catapulting it in the air."

"What?"

Maggie shrugged.

"It was either that or a cow."

Josh glanced at her sideways.

"Dead or alive?"

She shook her head at him.

"Mr. Wal…Josh you're definitely going to love Cicely."

 

C.J. had put in some full days working with Ed and had mulled several other job offers including one just offered by Maurice to work as his assistant. She didn't take that one seriously, knowing he just wanted her for personal reasons, her pregnancy notwithstanding. Chris the town deejay had called her up and said he would pay her to read his manuscript and help him edit it. When she asked him what kind of writing he did, he had said erotic poetry. Her cheeks had flushed and she had been glad that a phone line separated them. She had told him she would get back to him.

After driving home, she had made a warm fire in the small living room and started preparing dinner in the kitchen. She kept it simple, mixing some canned vegetables into a chicken broth to make soup and heating up some of Maggie's venison. The sharp odor made her eyes tear a bit because she and Matt had often ate what his daddy and Uncle Roy had brought back from hunting trips while growing up. She sighed when she thought of Roy, the last person she had seen before leaving L.A. She had told him she would get in touch with him as soon as she settled in Cicely. Because he had enjoyed and survived a long stint as a covert operative, she knew he could be trusted with her secret. Still, she hadn't called him yet because it still felt too painful.

She heard someone knocking on the door.

"Coming," she said.

She opened it and saw Shelli standing there with a basket in her hands.

"It's just some more of that sparkling cider," she said, "It's nice that I'm not the only one in town drinking it."

C.J. took it from her, saying thank you.

"I was just making dinner," she said, "Would you like to stay?"

"I can't stay long," Shelli said, "Hollings is hosting a poetry reading at the Brick and I've got to help make some finger food."

"You two have been very nice to me," C.J. started.

Shelli just smiled.

"You and me are in the same club," she said, "We're both knocked up and before long, our lives are going to change so much, we won't know what hit us."

C.J. felt like she had already gone a round or two with what Fate threw her way but she knew what Shelli meant.

"Thank you," she said, softly, "It just happened. We didn't plan it or anything."

Shelli shrugged.

"That's okay," she said, "I had one of those…false pregnancies so at first I didn't know this one was for real."

"I know the feeling," C.J. said, "It took a while for it to hit me that I was going to have this other life depending on me."

"I know," Shelli said, "It's just such a huge responsibility. And all these decisions to make. Hollings is so much better handling it than I am."

She glanced at C.J. who suddenly looked distant.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean…"

C.J. smiled.

"It's okay, it hasn't been long since he's been gone," she said.

Shelli sighed.

"Your baby's daddy."

C.J. nodded.

"Did he leave you," Shelli asked, "Did he walk out?"

"He died almost three months ago," C.J. said, "He was killed in an accident."

Shelli's mouth hung open.

"Bummer," she said, "Is that why you came here?"

"That was part of the reason."

"Did he know about the baby?"

C.J. looked away and took a deep breath.

"There wasn't time."

Shelli shook her head, thinking about how sad it all was. She felt even luckier to have a solid man like Hollings in her life even if he did drive her crazy at times.

"I'm sorry," was all she could say.

C.J. smiled at her.

"Thank you but it's all right," she said, "We'll be fine. It just takes some getting used to that we're on our own."

Shelli paused.

"What was he like," she said, "was he hot?"

C.J. looked puzzled and then she smiled again.

"I certainly thought so."

Shelli nodded.

"I bet he was really sweet on you," she said.

"He was my best friend since I was a young girl," C.J. said, "but we didn't get together. Didn't want to mess up a good thing. Until that last night, when we couldn't stop ourselves and didn't want to."

"That sounds romantic," Shelli said, with a sigh, "Hollings and me, it's a lot different. Love at first sight when I first got to Cicely, even though I was with Maurice at the time."

C.J. raised her brows.

"You were with him?"

Shelli nodded.

"Until I saw Hollings for the first time and it just hit me, like an electric shock throughout my body and I had to have him," she said, "So I did and we've been together ever since."

"He certainly seems to adore you," C.J. noted.

"He does the cutest things to show it," Shelli said, "and even though I'm getting fat and round and my butt is humongous, he never lets me feel less than beautiful."

"You're lucky," C.J. said, "but so is he."

 

Maggie walked into the piano bar and saw him playing. Not that he was great or anything but he could carry a tune pretty well. The room was nearly empty and a waiter wiped down the empty tables.

"Where did you learn to play," she asked, standing behind him.

He kept stroking the keys.

"I went out with a concert pianist," he said, "She taught me how to play a couple of duets."

She raised her brow.

"You solo pretty well," she said, sitting down on the bench beside him.

He looked at her.

"Oh I play too," she said, "Not very well of course because it's been years since I've had lessons and I lost my piano to the promotion of performance art but I still play now and then."

He started to play a duet and she smiled, jumping right in and they played together for a while.

"You're pretty good," he said, after they stopped.

"I never wanted the lessons," Maggie said, "My sister's the music prodigy but now I'm glad I took them."

Josh called the waiter over.

"I'd like a Scotch on the rocks," he said, then looked at Maggie, "and what the lady would like."

"I'll take a brandy," she said.

They went to sit at a nearby table. When they got their drinks, she nursed hers thoughtfully.

"Now Joel thinks I drink too much…"

He looked confused.

"Who's Joel?"

She looked exasperated.

"He's the town doctor," she said, "We paid for his education and he works for us. He's originally from Queens, New York."

"Is he your fellow?"

She laughed.

"God no," she said, "We can't stand each other. Besides I date men who love the outdoors and Joel's afraid to go outside his cabin half the time."

He sipped his drink.

"So you have a boyfriend…"

She shook her head.

"The last guy I dated died in a tragic accident," she said, "A satellite hit him."

His drink paused on the way to his lips.

"A what?"

She sighed.

"A space satellite," she explained, "It fell out of the sky and hit him. He died instantly."

"Yeah I imagine he would," Josh said, "I'm sorry for your loss."

She smiled.

"It's okay," she said, "I'm moving on. He's not the only boyfriend I've had who's died anyway."

He narrowed his eyes.

"How many have there been?"

"Four…maybe five," she said, "I think I lost count."

He shook his head.

"Surely you don't think that you're the cause," he said.

"Oh no, not at all," she said, "They were all horrible coincidences. But people talk about it behind my back a lot including at the funerals."

She didn't know why she was telling him the most difficult chapter of her life history but something in his eyes made her feel comfortable enough in his presence to share anything about herself.

"I don't know why I told you all this," she said, "Some guys say I should come with a warning label or something."

He frowned.

"That's not very nice of them."

She sipped her brandy, feeling it burn her throat in a way that soothed her.

"What about you," she said, "Anything like that in your history?"

He hesitated and she saw something flicker in his eyes for a brief moment before he shook his head.

"I'm not really that complicated," he said, "I'm just a guy who likes what I do and loves to see the world."

"Anyone special," she asked.

His eyes clouded and now she knew she had hit a sore spot.

"I'm sorry," she said, "It's really none of my business."

"I had to go away for a while," he said, "and I came back and everything changed."

"A woman was one of the things that changed," Maggie guessed.

He didn't say anything but he nodded.

"She couldn't wait for you or something like that?"

"It's a little more complicated than that," he said.

She looked away.

"I'm sorry, it's really none of my business," she said.

He looked into his glass.

"I had to leave her suddenly," he said, "It was the hardest thing I ever had to do."

"I never left anyone," Maggie said, "They left me so I think I might know how she felt."

C.J. dropped by the Brick to check out the poetry reading. She left her warm cabin, started up the car and drove through the frigid night to check out the lumberjacks, hair stylists, explorers and one alternative music deejay who would be reciting their poems from the mike in front of an appreciative and well-fed and watered crowd.

Shelli beamed as she saw her while circulating more snacks on the refreshment tables.

"This is the largest crowd yet," she enthused, "There's still a few seats in the back."

C.J. went and sat down next to Ed and a red-headed woman holding a baby on her lap.

"Did I miss much," she asked.

Ed shrugged.

"The loggers over there did some haikus," he said, "and the woman over there who does hair wrote some sonnets."

The red-headed woman put her finger on her lips.

"Shhh," she said, "I want to hear this."

Ed turned towards C.J.

"That's Eve."

"You mean Adam's Eve?"

Ed nodded.

"He's in Switzerland attending a culinary convention," he explained.

Eve turned to look at them.

"My husband is one of the foremost chefs in the world," she said, "He inspired Wolfgang Puck to do his best work."

"That's nice," C.J. said.

Eve scrutinized her.

"How long until you're due?"

C.J. looked at her surprised but then figured she must have heard it on the town's equivalent of a grapevine.

"A little over six months."

Eve nodded.

"Are you getting all your vitamins, your folic acid, calcium and staying away from farm-raised salmon and shellfish?"

C.J. just looked at her.

"What?"

Eve flashed a look of impatience.

"Are you going with Lamaze, natural child-birth, induced labor or in a controlled aqua environment with dolphins?"

"I don't know yet," C.J. said.

"Midwife, doula or doctor," Eve continued, "Now Dr. Freishman's not a bad doctor but he's not a licensed specialist in Ob/Gyn or pediatrics let alone…"

"Eve is a walking encyclopedia of information," Ed said.

"I have some pregnancy manuals you can borrow," Eve said.

"Are you a doctor," C.J. asked.

Eve laughed.

"No, just an informed patient," she said, "You can never be too careful."

"No you can't be," C.J. agreed.

Chris stood up and began reading his collection of erotic poetry. Shelli walked by Ed and C.J.

"Isn't he something," she said, "He's got such a way with words. It gives me goose pimples."

C.J. got up to get some more snacks. She bumped into Joel at the table. He turned and smiled at her.

"You've been working with Ed I noticed," he said.

She nodded.

"I'm helping him research his film," she said.

"The one Maurice has him doing," Joel said, "That's going to be interesting to see whose vision of Cicely's history prevails after the final cut."

"I heard that Maurice wants one that will appeal more to tourists whereas Ed's taste is more avant garde," C.J. said.

"It's Maurice's money," Joel said, "He'll get what he wants and Ed will get a good lesson on how an artist's vision can be compromised by the reality of commercialism."

"You're a cynic," C.J. noted.

"I'm trapped up here in Alaska when I could be working towards a Park Avenue address," Joel grumbled.

"Is Maggie back yet," C.J. asked.

Joel shook his head.

"She got stuck in Anchorage with her passenger and some medical equipment she was to bring me," Joel said, "She'll be in tomorrow morning."

 

Josh had a couple more drinks before he said goodnight to Maggie and went to his hotel room. She watched him leave the bar after she made a weak play for him simply because it was expected of her. Any thoughts she had of trying to come on to him because after all, she was sure sexy enough, she packed away. She really had to move away from these casual flings that she had engaged in since Rick died.

She nursed another brandy, careful not to imbibe too much because she had to fly the next day. He had been ruggedly handsome but nice. Not that she sensed he had any interest in here whatsoever. His mind obviously was elsewhere and perhaps so was his heart. Another handsome guy nursing a broken heart with a trip to America's last wilderness and they were a dime a dozen. No doubt, it would cater to his alpha nature and a week or so spent hiking, hunting and kayaking would set him right again. She wondered if he would actually get any work done. Maybe it would be worth her while to keep him so busy during his stay in Cicely that he wouldn't have enough time to make any land deals with Maurice. Yes, now there was a plan.

Josh just lay on his bed, thinking back to the evening he had just spent with the pilot he had hired to fly him to Cicely. She had been nice enough, very beautiful and definitely spirited. She reminded him of someone else.

He had listened to her tales involving her dead boyfriends, wondering if any part of her believed she had played any role in their deaths. That couldn't be possible, he knew but he also knew a lot about the strength of perceptions and how they could influence people and the decisions they made. After all, he had been in that position many times himself.

Maggie had been nice, when he had decided to head off to bed…alone. Sure, she had come on to him a little bit, saying that just because she had left behind some a trail of dead boyfriends didn't mean that hooking up with her was the kiss of death or anything. He didn't have the energy or even the heart to tell her that even if she were deadly to the men that she encountered, that he was immune to her worst having died once already.

Chapter 4

The morning broke beautifully and the snow on the ground melted into hundreds of little rivulets heading off to form larger streams of water down Cicely's roads. C.J. had come back to the cabin after the poetry event at the Brick and headed off to bed, exhausted. But after a good night's sleep, she got up bright and early to join Ed at the brick for an early morning breakfast meeting with Maurice. She gathered her notes and walked out to her car.

When she arrived, she saw the two men seated at a table talking to Hollings who served them steaming plates of bacon and omelets. C.J. felt her stomach turn at the smell and decided to settle for some oatmeal and steamed milk. Shelli took her order then rushed to the kitchen to check on some flapjacks Dave prepared for some loggers sitting in the corner.

Maurice had already started his pitch.

"Now envision this Ed," he continued, "A premiere screening of your finished product at the local theater. Red carpet treatment for all the visiting celebrities. And don't forget the paparazzi all lined up waiting for the limousines to arrive."

Ed just nodded.

"We can have a pre-launch event at the convention center," Maurice said, "A select guest list and professional catering from Paris…or Milan…"

"Right," Ed said, still nodding.

C.J. looked at Ed.

"Is this really what you want," she said, "A Hollywood style production?"

He shrugged.

C.J. opened up her folder.

"I think it should be a smaller opening and that you should build an audience," she said, "Less overhead in the beginning. Better for a town this size."

Ed nodded.

"I like her idea Maurice."

Maurice put down his fork.

"It sounds awfully girly to me," he said.

Ed looked at C.J. who folded her arms.

"I've been to a premiere or two," she said, "I know what works and what doesn't."

"Is that so young lady?"

She sipped her juice.

"I think a down-scaled, more casual approach is the best way to promote the film and your town."

Maurice chuckled.

"You do, do you?"

She didn't seem fazed.

"It's better than putting together a fake Hollywood production," she countered, "Doing that just seems cheesy."

Maurice sipped his coffee.

"And where does your level of expertise come from again?"

C.J. shrugged.

"I spent a few years living and working in L.A. and picked up a thing or two like I said."

Maurice leaned back in his chair to think about it.

"I went to a lot of the great premieres and they attract large crowds and media attention," he said.

"True," C.J. conceded, "but maybe that's going to overwhelm the town itself. Cicely's a lot smaller than L.A. or New York City."

Maurice nodded thinking about it.

"I'm trying to build up Cicely slowly," he said, "Sure it's a small town now but picture it in about 10 years from now. Five-star restaurants, top-rate entertainment venues and a museum or two."

C.J. considered that.

"That sounds great, but it's still a ways away."

"I've got a developer who's coming up to discuss Cicely's future with me tomorrow," he said, "Maggie's flying him up from Anchorage."

"She told me about him," C.J. said, "How many of them have you seen?"

Maurice paused.

"Oh a dozen or so," he said, "all with grandiose visions. I just haven't found the right fit yet but I will."

"Maybe," C.J. said, "but this is a very nice town so don't develop it too much or you'll lose what makes it so special."

Ed nodded.

"I'm with her."

Maurice waved his hand.

"A teenaged boy and a pregnant woman," he said, "You're both too filled with hormones to know what you want."

Maurice had grown irritated with the both of them at that point and the breakfast meeting soon ended so C.J. and Ed took off in his truck to do more interviews. As they drove towards the outskirts of town, C.J. just looked out the window at the wooded areas that began where the pavement ended.

"Maurice is a piece of work," she said.

Ed looked at her.

"Oh that's Maurice, don't let him bother you," he said, "He always gets like that."

"He tells everyone what to do," C.J. said, "or he belittles them."

"Maurice just cares about the town," Ed said.

C.J. figured that he really did but he cared as much about profits too. She had seen her fair share of corruption in small towns including one which her childhood friend Julia Martin had tried to save before she died and then there was Lake Utah, where she and Matt had wound up getting trapped inside Murray's car while the town residents pounded it with baseball bats. Still, there was a lot of good in most of the ones she had traveled through.

"I think he does in his own way," C.J. said, watching several deer walk by the side of the road.

"He misses his girlfriend Barbara," Ed said, "She hasn't been by Cicely in a while."

"She's not from around here?"

He shook his head.

"She's a state trooper," he said, "So she just drops by once in a while if there's crime which isn't very often."

C.J. nodded.

"Maybe that explains it," she said, "I do understand what it's like to miss someone."

Ed looked at her.

"Your baby's father."

She looked at him startled but Ed had returned to his omelet.

 

Maggie landed her plane at Cicely's little air strip and helped Josh unpack his luggage and carry it to the hanger. He looked around him at the wilderness bordering the runway.

"There's some rooms available next to the Brick," Maggie said.

"What's the Brick," Josh asked as they entered the building where Josh planned to rent a car.

"It's a bar and restaurant in the center of town," she said, "Everyone winds up there at some time or another."

"I'll guess I'll start there then," Josh said,

He picked up his car and drove off to look for the Brick. In front of him, a moose wandered in the street looking around. He blinked his eyes and thought, I'm really not in L.A. anymore.

C.J. and Ed interviewed a family that had traced its roots back to the town's founding before heading back on the road.

"Do you think about him a lot," Ed asked, picking up their conversation from earlier that day.

She looked at him, and nodded.

"It's hard not to," she said, "I thought moving might help, not that I don't like it here."

"You loved him."

She looked out the window again.

"Yes I really think I did," she said, "I never told him that."

"Where's he now?"

"He's dead."

"I'm sorry."

She shrugged.

"He was killed just a couple of months ago," she said, "I still miss him."

At that point, the truck listed on the road and C.J. knew that one of the tires had gone flat. Ed pulled the truck over by the side of the road and both of them got out to change the tire. They both got out of the car.

"Where's the spare?"

"I don't have one," Ed said simply.

"It's going to be a little hard to change a flat without one."

He sat on the ground.

"We'll just wait."

She joined him.

"For someone to come by and help us?"

He nodded.

"Exactly."

She wondered how long it would take until someone passed by.

"What was he like?"

She looked up at Ed.

"What do you mean?"

"Was he nice to you," Ed asked.

She smiled.

"I knew him most of my life," she said, "He was my very best friend."

Ed nodded.

"Did he know you were having…"

She shook her head.

"When he died, I didn't know," she said, "I think he would have been excited."

"I didn't know my parents," Ed said, softly.

"You were adopted," she asked.

He nodded.

"I was found in the bushes near the river by some of the tribal leaders," Ed said, "I have a large family now."

She smiled.

"That must be nice," she said, "My parents died when I was young and I didn't have any sisters or brothers. With Houston gone…"

"You'll have a family when your baby's born," Ed said, "and you've got the whole town."

She nodded, feeling her eyes sting with unshed tears.

 

Josh entered the Brick and looked around. The place was crowded and a young woman, her blond hair tied up in a pony tail moved from table to table carrying an assortment of orders. After she had unloaded the last tray, she saw him and came on over.

"I'm Shelli, your waitress," she said, "Welcome to the Brick."

He smiled.

"I'm Josh," he said, "I flew in this morning with a Maggie O'Connell."

Shelli nodded.

"Yeah, she mentioned you," she said, "How'd your night in Anchorage go?"

He scratched his head wondering how much information Maggie had given the rest of the town about him.

"It went…fine," he said, "Listen, do you know where I can find a Maurice?"

Shelli shrugged.

"You just missed him," she said, "I could give you directions to his house."

"That would be great, thanks," he said, looking around the bar, "You've got a great place here."

"It got written up in the Anchorage newspaper last month," Shelli said, "They sent a guy to take pictures and everything."

Hollings called from the kitchen. She yelled something back.

"I guess I'd better see what's cooking in the kitchen," she said and then flounced off.

She went through the doors and saw Dave and Hollings piling some food on dishes for her to pick up.

"Did the tourist group take off," Hollings said.

"Yeah, and they left decent tips," Shelli said, "And there's a hot looking guy outside looking for Maurice."

Hollings brow furrowed.

"I wonder what for," he said, "I wonder what Maurice is up to now."

"It's probably the developer guy Maggie was talking about yesterday," Shelli said, "She didn't say anything about him being so great looking. Every single girl in Cicely is going to want to put their hooks into him."

"Shelli, that's his blessing or curse not yours."

She picked up some plates.

"I know Hollings," she said, "but I'm not sure he's looking. Maggie told me that he was friendly enough but that he turned her down."

"Maybe he already has a girl at home."

Shelli's face looked doubtful.

"A woman knows these things and I didn't see that either."

Hollings tried to hide his exasperation.

"I'm sure that he doesn't need you helping him manage his social calendar," he said.

Shelli harrumphed.

"I was thinking much smaller than that," she said, "Maybe we could throw him a little welcoming party."

She took the plates and went out in the bar, leaving Hollings there shaking his head.

C.J. and Ed were rescued by one of his neighbors who quickly put a spare tire on his truck to replace the flattened one and they drove back to the Brick to get some sustenance. Shelli looked at them as they entered the bar and sat down at a nearby table.

"Is it busy today," Ed asked, looking around.

Shelli sighed.

"It just never stops," she said, "We had two groups of tourists and two logger crews."

They ordered some food.

"Oh, and Maggie's passenger dropped by looking for Maurice," she said, "but he had already left."

Ed nodded.

"After our production meeting with him."

"He was sure a hunk," Shelli said, with a sigh, "Not that I would leave Hollings or anything but if I did…"

"You'd break his heart," Ed said, simply.

Shelli nodded.

"Oh don't worry Ed," she said, "A gal can just look and besides,"

She put her hand on her burgeoning belly.

"Who's going to want a chick who's knocked up?"

C.J. tried to smile and when Shelli saw her face, her heart sank.

"Oh I didn't mean it that way…"

"I know and I'm not looking," C.J. said, "I'm fully prepared to go on my own at least for a while."

Shelli looked at Ed, shaking her head.

 

Josh unpacked his suitcase in his room. He placed his clothes in a nearby dresser and hung some things in the closet. The room was simply decorated with furniture and a few ancient pictures hanging on the wall. He reached to the bottom of his carryon and unpacked his handgun, strapping on the holster and putting the gun inside it.

He sat at a nearby table and took some folders out of his bag. Some papers and a photograph of a young woman with dark hair and a smile that would melt even the iciest heart. Opening a couple of the folders, he pulled out papers that needed his signature before being sent back. He didn't know how long he was planning on staying in Cicely but it might be for a while. He had followed a trail for the past couple of weeks and it had led to this small, if somewhat eccentric town in the farthest reach of Alaska.

The rest of the town saw him as a developer, one of a pack of them that descended regularly on a town on the cusp of development such as this one. That would enable him to fit in with the scenery and not really be noticed much while he conducted his mission.

He picked up the photograph and looked at it thoughtfully.

 

C.J. walked down the streets of the town, after leaving Ed and the Brick. She passed Chris' who was working at his radio station and waved to her from behind the window. Walking into Ruth-Anne's store, she noticed some pickled herrings on the shelf and impulsively picked up a can of them. She had been experiencing these strange cravings for the tiny fish. Probably a normal part of being pregnant, she guessed.

"Those are really good with crackers," Ruth-Anne said from behind the counter, "You should try them."

C.J. smiled.

"I didn't even know I liked herrings until I woke up this morning and had to have some," she said.

"When I was pregnant, I craved kelp," Ruth-Anne said, "I ate sheets and sheets of it for months."

C.J. put several cans of herring and some crackers on the counter.

"Have you been having morning sickness?"

She shook her head.

"I just tire more easily than usual," she said, "but I haven't been feeling too badly like I did in the beginning."

"That's good," Ruth-Anne said, "So how do you like working with Ed?"

"I like it," C.J. said, "Maurice has been trying to influence Ed to change his vision but we've been out interviewing people and it's been fun."

Ruth-Anne made a face.

"Maurice often tries to control what goes on in Cicely," she said, "Most often he doesn't get away with it."

"Ed stood up to him pretty well," C.J. said, "but I can tell Maurice isn't too impressed with young women."

Ruth-Anne chuckled.

"He doesn't think much of older ones either," she said, "There's an exception here and there but I think a woman as bright and educated as yourself should be able to handle him."

"I hope so," C.J. said, "not that I haven't had a lot of practice being an attorney."

Maggie walked in.

"Ruth-Anne, I need some aspirin," she said.

"Top shelf next to the fishing lures," Ruth-Anne said.

"I just got back from an overnight stay in Anchorage and I've got a headache," she said.

Ruth-Anne smiled.

"I saw your passenger earlier at the Brick," she said, "He's gone off to meet with Maurice."

Maggie put some canned goods on the counter.

"He's a land speculator," she said, "Maurice is probably going to have him build a strip mall or movie theater."

Ruth-Anne shrugged.

"It hasn't happened yet," she said, "developers come to Cicely with their dreams but then they leave empty handed."

"He was very handsome in a rugged yet refined way," Maggie said, "Played a mean piano but he went to bed pretty early."

"Maybe he was tired from his travels," Ruth-Anne said.

"I don't know," Maggie said, "He seemed preoccupied, like he had something on his mind."

C.J. half-listened to the discussion, her curiosity picking up but she could never be too careful. Every time she heard of a new arrival, she felt apprehension fill her that it might be someone trying to find her. So far, they had just been tourists or traveling businessmen.

"He'd better be on his game if he doesn't want to get mowed down by Maurice's sales pitch," Ruth-Anne said.

Maurice let Josh into his spacious living room and Josh took in the elaborate interior design. Obviously Maurice had a well padded bank account and most likely, capital in real estate investments. He also liked to hunt and fish judging by the trophies on the wall.

"Would you like a Scotch," Maurice said, "I think we need to celebrate."

"Celebrate what," Josh said, "We haven't signed off on any deal yet."

Maurice poured the glasses.

"No, but I can envision one coming," he said, "I've got a good parcel that I'd like to show you on the edge of town."

Josh took his drink and sipped it slowly.

"I'd like to take a look at it," he said, "But I'm interested in larger sized parcels."

"Oh this one's big," Maurice said, "Large enough for a shopping center."

"I don't do shopping malls," Josh said.

"What do you do?"

"I build affordable housing."

Maurice just stared at him.

"Did I just hear you right?"

Josh nodded.

"Yes you did," he said.

Maurice looked at the younger man like he was crazy.

"We need to expand the commercial enterprises first," Maurice said, "We need to get that done before we build any more houses."

"You can do that Maurice," Josh said, "But it seems to be that as long as I've been in this business that those who aren't millionaires get the short end of the stick."

"That won't happen," Maurice protested, "They just have to pick themselves up by their bootstraps."

Josh smiled.

"Like you did."

"Hell yes, I did," Maurice said, "I started with nearly nothing and got to where I am today through hard work and business acumen."

Josh looked around the room at the splendor.

"Do you have any kids," he asked.

Maurice looked like he had been caught by surprise but he nodded.

"I have a son who's an engineer in South Korea," he said, "I'm very proud of him. And yourself?"

Josh looked at his drink.

"Not yet," he said, "I haven't had the time to meet the right woman and raise a family. I travel too much."

Maurice nodded.

"That can be a problem," he said, "You need to find yourself a piece of land where you can set down some roots."

Josh listened, but he knew he had to stop living this double life first. He had come to Cicely in the furthest corner of the Alaskan wilderness looking for something. At least that's what he had told himself when he packed up his bags and set off. He had been away for several months paying off a debt that he had owed to someone who had saved his life. The only problem was that the world he had returned to was much different than the one he had left and one very important thing was missing. And he was here to try to find it before it was too late.

Chapter 5

C.J. sat and listened to Shelli talk about how important it was to use just the right exfoliate to rid yourself of the dead skin and allow the newer layer to shine through. She had invited the group of women sitting at a table at the Brick mixing and matching ingredients to make facial masks. C.J. hadn't been sure she wanted to come but had decided to show up rather than face another night by herself in her cabin.

Shelli had welcomed her enthusiastically and they had put out some refreshments as the other women began to arrive, talking excitedly.

"So you and Ed have been jamming on that film he's working on for Maurice," she asked.

C.J. nodded.

"It's been a lot of fun and it's going really well," she said, "We've just got a few more interviews to do and then he'll start editing it."

"I heard you were going to work with Maurice," Shelli continued, dipping into the veggie mix.

C.J. shook her head.

"I think he's more interested in a personal relationship of some sort than a professional one," she said.

Shelli shrugged.

"That's Maurice for sure," she said, "but just because you're pregnant doesn't mean you have to be chick who's flying solo. I mean you could do worse than Maurice and I know from experience."

"I know," C.J. said, "but I still really miss him and I'm not ready for anyone else. I don't know if I'll ever be."

Shelli shrugged.

"That's cool," she said, "If anything happened to Holliings, I don't know I'd handle it without wigging out but everyone in his family lived to be over 100 so he's got a long way to go."

"That's great," C.J. said, "Then your baby will know his or her father."

"Yeah…," Shelli said, "He must have been a great guy."

"He was."

Josh walked by the Brick, as small snowflakes floated down through the chilled air. He put his hands in his pockets and focused on getting back to his warm hotel room next to the bar. As he passed by the windows, he heard some laughter that sounded like it came from women. Peeking inside the window, he saw the women sitting at tables and mixing together ingredients into bowls and talking among themselves. He almost started walking again and then he saw her.

Sitting next to Shelli the waitress he had met earlier that day, was a young woman with dark mahogany hair over her shoulders and wearing a knit sweater. She was smiling at something the other woman said, while pulling apart pieces of a dried plant. She didn't sense his presence by the window but kept on mixing items in her bowl as another woman came to sit down beside her.

His heart quickened as his eyes took in her beauty and he felt himself missing her more than the time that he had been gone. He remembered the last time he had seen her, flashing the same smile as he walked away from her. His heart had been light even as danger had swirled around them because she had spent the better part of the night showing him how much she loved him. She hadn't said the words to him but he had known what was in her heart.

He sighed as he remembered that he hadn't told her how much she and that night had meant to him. The softness of her skin beneath his fingers and her breath against his neck. The woman got up from the table and walked closer to the window. He noticed that underneath her smile, she looked tired and that as she made herself tea at the refreshment table, he saw a hint of sadness on her face. That filled him with regret because that was the last emotion he ever wanted her to remember him by.

C.J. got off of the table. Joel closed her chart.

"It looks like everything's proceeding just fine on the gestational front," he said, "How are you feeling?"

"Pretty good," she said, "Just a little tired."

"Nausea?"

She shook her head.

"It's mostly gone."

"That's good," Joel said, "I might schedule for an ultrasound soon so we can see how things are going."

C.J. looked up.

"Really," she asked, suddenly feeling excitement fill, "That would be great."

Joel nodded.

"It will give you a chance to see your baby," he said, "Of course, it's still early in the pregnancy."

"That's fine," she said, "I want to see him or her."

"Okay, I'll set it up," he said, leaving the examination room.

C.J. watched him go, smiling as she put her hands on her abdomen. Her clothes still fit but were beginning to feel tight. She would have to go shopping and she didn't know where in this tiny town to find maternity clothes.

"You can buy clothes from a store down the street," a woman said.

She looked up and saw Marilyn carry some items into the examination room.

"Thanks," C.J. said, "I'll need to do that soon."

She left the clinic and walked to where she would be meeting Ed.

Josh got an early start in the morning to head out to check out some property with Maurice. He ate an early breakfast at the Brick with Maggie who had some repairs to do on Joel's cabin that day. She asked him how he liked his accommodations and he said they suited him just fine.

"That's good," she said, nodding, "My mother stayed there for a couple of days…after burning my house down."

He looked at her puzzled at her comments about her volatile family relationships. He hadn't experienced that in his own life having never known his mother who died when he was very young but having shared a very close relationship with his father before he passed on several years ago.

"And it's handy to have a place to crash after one of the Brick's parties," she continued, eating her omelet.

"I don't go to many parties these days," he said.

She looked at him, seeing the guarded look on his face beneath his handsome features.

"You too busy traveling?"

"Something like that," he said.

She sipped her juice.

"There's going to be a party there tonight," Maggie said, "It's Dave's birthday and Hollings is throwing him a little bash."

"You extending an invitation?"

She winked at him.

"If you're interested," she said, "And after spending a day out with Maurice, it'll be good for you to relax."

He smiled as he drove towards the property. Maggie was a nice enough woman and very pretty but all she did was remind him of someone else.

 

C.J. listened to Ed talking about Dave the cook's birthday party which would be held at the Brick that night. She found going home by herself to her cabin at night to be depressing so she nodded her head at Ed's invitation and said she'd be there. At least for a little while.

The people in Cicely had been so nice to her since she had arrived and she enjoyed spending time with them.

"It will be a great party," Ed said, "Hollings always throws great parties."

C.J. looked out the window at the snow falling down.

"It looks like it's going to be coming down," she said.

Ed nodded.

"It's that time of year," he said.

"It's kind of pretty," C.J. said, "how it sits on the trees."

Josh met Maurice and toured the property but didn't want to act too impressed with it. Maurice didn't seem too taken aback by his nonchalance. Joel walked by, pulling his parka closer around him.

"Maurice, prescription is in today if you want to pick it up," he said.

The former astronaut looked distracted.

"I'll pick it up later," he said, "Can't you see I'm trying to conduct a business transaction here?"

Joel looked around and watched Josh walk around the parcel.

"I can see that Maurice," he said, "So do you have a buyer for this land?"

"I hope so," Maurice said, "This guy's loaded with money or he's working for someone who is."

"So you're going to put in a shopping mall or an entertainment complex," Joel asked.

Maurice threw Joel a pitying look.

"Son, I've got greater vision than that," he said.

Josh walked up to them.

"It's a pretty nice parcel," he said, "but I'm going to have to think about it. Call the boss up and see what he thinks."

Maurice nodded.

"Fair enough," he said, "Just don't take too long. There's a couple other prospective buyers but since I like your style, I'll give you the first offer."

"That's mighty generous of you," Josh said, "I'll get back to you."

"So you going to the Brick tonight to Dave's party," Joel asked.

Josh nodded.

"Maggie invited me," he said, "She's a nice woman."

Joel's face lit up.

"Wait a minute, she invited…Maggie invited you?"

Josh picked up something in his voice that told him Joel carried more for the young pilot than he claimed.

"Yes she did," he said, "But I think she was just being friendly and sociable."

Joel chuckled derisively.

"Two words not always associated with Maggie O'Connell," he said.

Maurice looked at the both of them.

"Listen are you both interested in Maggie?"

Josh and Joel looked back at him.

C.J. worked with Shelli in the kitchen.

"Blue and gold color scheme would be awesome for Dave's party," she said.

"Where's Dave anyway?"

"Oh some of the guys took him ice fishing," Shelli said.

C.J. put some plates on one of the tables set up in the bar.

"He's going to be surprised," she said.

Shelli smiled.

"Oh not much fazes Dave," she said, "But he'll be happy about the party."

C.J. watched Shelli bring out some glasses.

"Maggie's new friend might be coming tonight," Shelli said.

"Who's that?"

"The guy who flew in with her yesterday," Shelli said.

"Oh yeah, I haven't met him," C.J. said.

'He's really hot," Shelli said, "Not that I'm going after him or anything. It's been a while since Maggie's even looked at a guy since Rick bought it after the satellite hit him."

"I know how that feels," C.J. said.

"Well anyway, I think it would be good for her to have a new guy in her life," Shelli said, "She's been a bit out of sorts lately and a chick who's going to be looking at the big 3-0 soon needs to have someone to hang onto for the ride."

"You only have one life," C.J. said, "You should do what makes you happy because you never know when it can all be taken away from you."

Shelli nodded solemnly.

"Aint that the truth," she said.

Josh and Joel walked around the parcel of land while Maurice made a phone call.

"Are you serious about Maggie," Joel asked, "Not that I really care about it one way or the other because I don't, she's been the bane of my existence in this polar ice cap prison since…"

Josh interrupted him.

"Look, is there a point to this," he asked, "because it sounds like she's your girl."

Joel's face paled.

"No way, is she my girlfriend," he said, "I mean Maggie has her moments when she's almost human but I've…we've learned that it's just better if we keep each other at a distance."

"She's very attractive," Josh said, "If you're interested, I wouldn't let her too far out of your sight."

Joel's eyes narrowed.

"Are you going to make a play for her," he said, "because I might as well tell you, you'd have better luck with an iceberg."

Josh shook his head.

"Maggie's a very nice woman but I'm not interested," he said, "I'm just passing through but I think that you're selling her way too short."

Joel grew flustered.

"Well it just happens that I know Maggie O'Connell just a bit better than you do," he insisted, "I know of which I speak."

Josh stopped and looked at him.

"Do you even like women Joel?"

Joel started to protest but then he stopped and thought about it a minute.

"Of course I do," he said, "I just don't understand them most of the time."

Josh shrugged.

"Maybe that's because you don't listen to them very well," he said.

At that, Joel turned on him.

"And what makes you the expert on the female gender," he said, "You waltz into town and then you start lecturing me on how to relate to women?"

Josh sighed.

"I'm someone who's made more than my share of mistakes with them," he said, "including some really big ones lately but the world wouldn't be as exciting without them."

Joel calmed down a little at the gravity in the other man's voice.

"I'm sorry," he said, "I was engaged when I came here and then she dumped me for some judge old enough to collect social security."

"I've been engaged a few times myself," Josh said, "It never worked out."

"But you're going to Dave's party with Maggie," Joel said, "So you obviously have gotten over your setbacks."

Josh just looked at him a moment.

"I'm going with her because it beats sitting and staring at the four walls of a hotel room," he said, "and it was nice of her to offer."

 

Dave's party went off without a hitch. The men had brought him back from ice fishing and he had been duly surprised and delighted to see a crowd of Cicely's residents cheer his arrival at the Brick and sing him happy birthday. Soon the drinks were flowing and the food that had been laid out on tables wound up filling people's plates and their stomachs. C.J spent most of her time in the kitchen helping Hollings and Shelli finish up the final touches on the birthday cake that had been custom made for the cook right under his nose. She put some frosting on the rim of the cake and thought it didn't look half bad.

Shelli buzzed in with a smile on her face.

"Isn't it awesome to see such a great party going on," she said, "We kicked some serious ass on this one."

C.J. felt that Shelli's enthusiasm was contagious and she felt her mood lift.

"Why don't you come out and join in," Shelli asked, "I'll take over here. The cake looks bitchin'."

"Thanks," C.J. said, then took off her apron, "I think I'll do that."

 

She left Shelli and walked into the Brick which was wall to wall people and filled with the sounds of music playing off an old juke box. Ed walked up to her after going to the refreshment tables for seconds.

"This is a great party," Ed said.

C.J. nodded.

"It's really nice," she agreed, "I think Dave's having a lot of fun."

"Dave loves parties," Ed said, "He can throw a really great one too."

C.J. looked around.

"I don't see Maggie," she said, "Isn't she coming?"

Ed nodded.

"She's waiting for her friend outside," he said, "so they can make an entrance."

C.J. narrowed her eyes.

"But it's freezing outside," she said.

"Maggie doesn't mind the cold," he said, simply.

C.J. saw Shelli signaling her from just outside the kitchen and knew it was time to bring out the cake. She went into the kitchen to help Shelli carry it out to the bar.

Chapter 6

Josh entered the Brick with Maggie and felt the warmth surround him along with a crowd of party goers. He saw the lights dim and saw two women enter with the cake. His heart quickened when he saw the brunette one with a slender figure smile as she lit the candles after they set the cake down on the table. She was wearing some jeans and a knit sweater, her hair framed around her face. People moved closer to the table and then a chorus of voices of different timbres began singing the birthday song for Dave.

He didn't think she could see him hidden in the crowd and her mind appeared focused on what she and Shelli were doing. For a moment, he thought about just walking out of there before she did spot him. He had wanted to approach her when she was alone so he could explain to her everything that had happened and why he had made the decisions that he had made. Not sure how receptive she would be, he didn't want to run into her in the middle of a crowd and find out.

After the song had finished, C.J. and Shelli began slicing pieces of cake for everyone to eat. Across the room, Maggie looked up at Josh.

"Don't you want to try the cake," she said.

He looked at her and she frowned momentarily at what she saw there.

"I'll go over and get you a piece if you'd like," she offered.

He just nodded and Maggie walked over. She waited and while Shelli sliced her a couple of pieces, she laughed at something the other woman said. C.J. smiled at the both of them and sipped her glass.

"So Maggie, are you going to bring your guy over here to meet C.J.?"

Maggie looked up and shrugged.

"If you'd like," she said, "I'll go get him and he's not my guy. He's just in town for a few days and then he'll be gone."

She walked away with the plates. C.J. followed her movement with her eyes until she stopped in front of a tall man with dark hair and then her eyes narrowed. The guy had a beard but she thought he looked familiar and then it hit her suddenly who she was looking at. No it couldn't be, she thought as her heart began to race and her legs begin to turn into jelly as her eyes took in a sight that she couldn't believe. After Maggie handed him his plate, Josh looked up suddenly and saw her looking at him and he knew by her facial expression that she had recognized him. He saw sadness, intermixed with relief and more than a little bit of something else that looked like anger.

"Excuse me a minute," he said to Maggie.

He started walking towards her but she moved even faster towards him and her face had filled with so many emotions he couldn't separate one from another. When she reached him, she stopped several feet away unwilling or unable to come closer. Her eyes brimmed with tears but her mouth remained in a stubborn line.

"Houston, It can't be…is it really you," she asked.

He nodded.

"Yes it's me, C.J.," he said, "God, I couldn't wait to see you again."

She looked at him, her features twisted in confusion and pain. He knew better than to approach her.

"How…"

He sighed.

"That's a long story," he said, "and one I'm going to tell you, just not here."

"Why not," she said, "You're already attracting an audience and I want to know where you've been all this time."

Matt looked around and saw a crowd of puzzled people gathering around them. Maggie looked most confused of all.

"Josh?"

He turned around to look at her.

"That's not really my name," he said, "It's Matt…Matt Houston. I'm a private investigator from L.A."

She looked even more confused.

"But I thought…"

C.J. ran her hand through her hair and just shook her head.

"I thought you were dead," she said, "I saw you get in a car which blew up right in front of me."

Maggie just wrinkled her brow.

"What's this," she said, "First you have a different name and now you're supposed to be dead?"

"Maggie," Matt started.

She backed away from him.

"I haven't even slept with you," she said, "and I've already killed you."

C.J. backed away from him, her face incredulous.

"We had just…and then you said you had to leave and you get in a car and…You never even contacted me to tell me you're still alive. You never contacted anyone. You just let us believe you were dead."

"C.J…"

Then she got really angry.

"Don't you dare 'C.J.' me," she said, "Don't get me wrong. I'm really glad you're alive and safe but how could you leave me like that to mourn your death without telling me you weren't really dead?"

"I thought I was going to die," Matt said, "but then someone pulled me out of that explosion and told me I had to repay that favor by doing a job for them."

"What kind of job," she asked, warily.

"I can't talk about it here," he said.

Maggie just looked at the both of them.

"What the hell is going on here or do I even want to know?"

They both ignored her.

"Houston, when you died…or I thought you did, I almost gave up," C.J. said, "I might have if…but if you faked your death, why did you come back at all?"

"I came back for you," he said, "I did what they wanted and now I'm going back home."

She looked at him incredulously.

"You can't go back," she said, "Your uncle and cousin were devastated when you died. We buried you in the cemetery and put a marker there and then we had to move on without you."

He watched her face.

"Did you move on?"

She couldn't look into his eyes. It hurt too much.

"Leave me alone," she said, "You have no right to ask that question."

"C.J.," he said, reaching for her arm but she shook it away, going into the kitchen.

He started following her but Maggie blocked his path, with her arms crossed.

"Maybe you should just leave her alone for now," she said, "I can only imagine how shocked she must be. I mean I had boyfriends die on me but none of them ever came back."

"I need to talk to her," Matt said.

Hollings came up to them.

"Give her some space first," he said, "so that she can calm down. You'll just upset her more."

Joel came walking up as well, waggling his finger at Matt.

"What did you say to my patient to upset her so much?"

Matt narrowed his eyes.

"Your patient," he said, "Is she sick? What's wrong with her?"

Joel folded his arms.

"I can't tell you," he said, "Doctor-patient confidentiality."

"I just want to know if she's okay," Matt said.

"If she wants you to know, she will tell you," Joel said, not budging, "but I won't have you upsetting her."

Joel went into the kitchen. Hollings looked at Matt.

"Listen Josh…"

"Matt, that's my real name."

The news didn't faze Hollings. After all, most everything that could ever happen had done so in Cicely.

"Matt then," he said, "Why don't I buy you a drink?"

Matt looked at him then nodded.

C.J. stood in the kitchen, taking a few deep breaths. Shelli handed her a cup of tea.

"Here, it will help calm your nerves," Shelli said, "I thought I'd seen everything in this bar but never anything quite like that."

"I can't believe it myself," C.J. said, sipping the tea slowly.

"So you know Maggie's friend?"

C.J. nodded.

"He's been my best friend as long as I can remember," she said.

"And you're upset with him because he didn't tell you that he had died," Shelli guessed, "or that he had died but he really didn't."

"Something like that."

Shelli furrowed her brow.

"Aren't you happy he's alive?"

C.J. rubbed her forehead.

"Yeah I am," she said, "but I just can't believe this. I saw him get into a car that exploded right in front of me. His family and his friends buried him. We mourned him and then…"

"You found out you were having a baby," Shelli said, "His baby."

C.J. nodded, wiping her eyes. Shelli shook her head.

"This is just like a soap opera," she said, "I never thought that stuff happened in real life."

"Me neither," C.J. said, "until it happened to me."

Shelli looked at her.

"Don't you think he has a right to know," she said, "about your being knocked up even if you are ticked at him?"

"I would never keep that from him," C.J. said, "I just need some time to calm down and think about it."

Shelli put down two plates of birthday cake.

"We can sit here and try this for a while."

Matt looked at his Scotch before drinking it. Hollings sat beside him.

"I've seen a lot happen in my bar over the years but this takes the cake," he said.

Matt didn't look at him.

"I came back to her as soon as I could," he said, "but not soon enough."

Maurice wondered over.

"What's the matter with you," he said, "How could you leave a classy filly like that?"

"It wasn't like that," Matt said, "We were investigating a situation and someone tried to kill us. When I stepped inside the car, I didn't know about the explosives. When they went off, the next thing I knew is someone pulled me out of the inferno."

Maurice picked up a toothpick and started chewing on it.

"So you faked your own death," he said, nodding, "Old military intelligence maneuver, pretty clever."

Hollings looked at his long-time friend sternly.

"Maurice…"

"Yeah..yeah look he did what he had to do in the situation whatever it was," Maurice said, "We can't judge his actions."

"Where's C.J.," Matt asked.

Hollings looked towards the kitchen.

"Shelli's with her right now," he said, "You should give her a little space."

Matt nodded.

"Not returning to her was one of the hardest things I ever had to do," he said.

Hollings and Maurice looked at each other, wondering what this young man had brought to their town.

Maggie and Joel stood a little distance away. She kept shaking her head.

"I can't believe what just happened," she said.

He looked at her.

"You seem to be holding up pretty well."

She smiled.

"I'm used to boyfriends dying ," she said, "At least this guy's still alive."

"Never a dull moment in Cicely," Joel said, "If there is, it never lasts."

"Joel, maybe you'd better check on how your patient's doing."

He scratched his jaw.

"I'm not sure who that is at the moment."

"How you feelin'," Shelli asked.

C.J. sipped her tea.

"Better I think," she said, rubbing the bridge of her nose, "This is just such a shock."

Shelli shook her head.

"That's why I'm glad I have a steady guy like Hollings," she said, "The only surprises are of the nice kind."

"I don't know why he would do such a thing," C.J. said.

"Maybe you should go and ask him," Shelli suggested, "He looked very concerned about you."

"I just don't know if I can right now," C.J. said, suddenly feeling dizzy.

Shelli looked worried.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine…just a little tired," C.J. said.

Joel walked into the kitchen and when he saw her, headed to where the women sat.

"How are you doing," he asked.

C.J. just shrugged. Shelli looked up at him.

"We're just a couple of chicks hanging out," she said, "but she's getting dizzy and tired."

Joel's eyes flashed concern.

"Do you feel like you're going to faint?"

C.J. didn't feel sure one way or another.

"Yes…no…I think I'm okay."

Joel nodded.

"It's pretty normal in your stage of pregnancy to experience these symptoms," he said, "but I don't want you to pass out and hit your head or something like that."

C.J. gave him a strange look.

"I'm feeling okay," she said, "I'm just a little bit surprised to see him. He's supposed to be dead."

Joel shook his head.

"Is he officially listed as dead or did you just think that he died?"

"He died right in front of me in a car bomb explosion," C.J. explained, "and he was given a funeral and buried in a cemetery."

Shelli and Joel looked at each other. Joel smiled uneasily.

"Well obviously it was some kind of mistake or misunderstanding," he said, "because he's sitting in the Brick having a drink with Hollings and Maurice right now."

Shelli's eyes widened.

"Wow, how cosmic," she said, "Maybe he's a ghost or something coming back to solve his own murder."

C.J. rubbed her head.

"No, that's really him," she said, "I don't even know how he found me here unless his uncle told him."

Joel looked at her.

"I could give you an examination but I really think everything's okay," he said, "Maybe if you got some rest…"

C.J. sighed.

"I have to face him first," she said, "before I do anything else."

Maggie shook her head as she looked at the three men sitting close to her.

"Men," she started, "We're taught that they are simple creatures…"

Maurice interrupted her colloquy.

"That's because we are Maggie," he said, "unlike the fairer sex."

Anger boiled through her.

"If that were true, then your friend here would have less than two names," she said, "I bet he's not really a developer."

Matt shook his head.

"I'm a private investigator," he said, "but I was CEO of my own company and had plenty of experiencing brokering real estate deals."

She rolled her eyes at him.

"Why doesn't it surprise me that yet another man is not who he says he is," she said, "but that woman in the kitchen really loved you and you played her like a fool pretending to be dead."

"That's not what happened," Matt explained, "Someone tried to kill me and when another group saved my life, they wanted something from me in return."

"So you faked your own death to be some kind of covert operative or something breaking that woman's heart."

Matt closed his eyes for a second, knowing that Maggie spoke the truth. He wouldn't blame C.J. if she believed that he had abandoned and even rejected her. Telling her the truth should have been what he did but he couldn't change the past now. All he could do was repair the damage his decisions had caused the most important person in his life.

"This is between her and me," he said, "It's not your business."

Maggie's eyes flashed in anger.

"How typical of men," she said, "to try to define the parameters of women's feelings."

Matt looked confused.

"What are you talking about," he said, "I never said that."

"You didn't have to," she said, "It oozes through your pores like some fungus."

Maurice raised his hand.

"Now Maggie, you're not being fair here."

She snorted in response.

"Men," she said, "You all stick together. Are you sure you don't want to chime in Hollings and join the choir?"

Hollings eyes blinked.

"Oh…I don't think it's my place…"

Her arms flew up.

"Of course not," she said, "why should you men hold each other accountable? How easy it is to bury your head in the sand."

Hollings looked even more perplexed.

"That's not what I'm doing," he said, "I think you're taking this situation too close to heart."

That made her angrier.

"At least I have a heart," she said, "You just have two small brains. A northern one and a slightly smaller southern one."

Matt interrupted them.

"Listen, this is all interesting and thanks for the drink but I've got someone I've got to talk to about now," he said getting up and leaving them.

They met in the middle. She had left the kitchen and he had walked towards the end of the bar. He noticed that her face looked pale but it didn't mar her beauty. She stopped several feet in front of him.

"Are you okay," he said.

She just looked at him and he could see she had been crying. That made his heart hurt even more than it did already.

"I'm fine," she said, "I've had to be."

"I'm sorrier than you'll ever know for what I put you through," he said, "If I had to do it again…"

She shook her head.

"You can't undo the past that easily," she said, "I sat so many times and thought if I could have done something to prevent you from getting inside of that car…"

"You couldn't do anything," he said, "We didn't know it was rigged with a bomb."

She wiped her eyes and he had to resist the urge to move closer to her.

"We knew that the case we were working on was dangerous," she said, "After what had just happened…"

He sighed.

"That's in the past now," he said, "I'm back now."

She narrowed her brows.

"For how long," she said, "What if someone else wants a favor from you? Will you just take off again without telling anyone?"

"C.J..."

She shook her head.

"No, I really want to know," she said, "One minute you were there, then you were dead. Then it turns out you weren't dead, but performing a job for someone else. Now I find out that not only weren't you really dead but that you didn't tell anyone. Not me and not your uncle, the people who care about you."

"I couldn't," he said, "That was part of the deal for saving my life."

She bit her lip, trying to keep the tears at bay.

"Does Uncle Roy even know you're alive," she said, "what about your cousin Will?"

He nodded.

"I talked to Roy before I came here," he said.

"And he told you where I was, didn't he?"

Matt set his jaw.

"Not at first," he said, "then he finally did after I pushed him."

She shook her head again.

"Why does it matter where I am," she said, "if you were able to disappear from our lives without looking back?"

He rubbed his forehead, knowing he deserved her anger.

"Why did you leave L.A.," he asked.

She looked at him for a long moment.

"I needed a change of scenery," she said lightly, "Alaska has beautiful scenery."

"Uncle Roy told me that the men who tried to kill me came after you," Matt said, "Twice."

She shrugged.

"They didn't succeed obviously," she said, "because I'm right here standing in front of you."

"If I had known…"

"Would it have changed anything?"

He couldn't answer that.

"I didn't think so," she said, "I can't live with that kind of danger hanging over my head. Not anymore. That's why I came here so no one could find me and I could try to build a life for myself."

He sighed.

"It's safe now," he said, "All of Dietmer's men have been rounded up and taken into custody."

"If it's not Dietmer, it will be someone else," she said, "Danger always surrounds us Houston."

He looked at her confused.

"I thought you liked working with me," he said.

"I really did," she said, "but life has a way of throwing you curve balls that make you rethink your priorities. When I thought I lost you, a part of me died and I did a lot of thinking about what I wanted in my life."

"Okay, so you do something else," he said, "As long as we're together…"

"Until you take off again," she said, "Until you have to play dead again. I don't think I could go through that. I don't want to go through that kind of pain anymore."

"You won't have to," he said, "I'm coming home to stay."

She looked at him and she wanted to believe him but a large part of her…she couldn't put that kind of faith in his words. Too much was at stake, much more than the last time they had seen each other.

She shook her head.

"I'm staying here," she said, "until I figure things out like what I'm going to do with the rest of my life."

She started to walk away.

"C.J. we're not done here," he said.

She looked at him sadly.

"For now we are," she said, "Right now I just want to be alone. I've got a lot of thinking to do."

He nodded and then watched her walk away, knowing that he really had his work cut out for him this time.

Chapter 7

C.J. opened up the door to her cabin and walked inside to turn on some heat. She went into the small kitchen to make herself some tea before she headed off to bed. Feeling tired and more than a little bit dizzy, she sat down at the table while the kettle boiled on the stove. Her head still spun from everything that had just happened after he had walked back into her life. She had never expected to see him again.

His family had buried him in his grave and she in her heart. Now while trying to move on and build a new life for herself, he had suddenly returned as if he had never left. So many emotions had collided and competed for control of her that she felt overwhelmed. Shock tempered with joy that he hadn't died in the explosion along with anger that he had kept a secret of such magnitude from her. But then she realized, He wasn't the only one withholding information. She had kept a secret from him too and she wasn't sure whether that put her on equal footing with him or not.

She heard a knock on the door and wondered if it were him. Then she remembered that she had asked him for space and knew he would respect that even if he didn't like it. At least for a little while.

"Coming," she said, as she turned off the stove and walked into the living room.

She opened the door and saw Maggie on her steps holding a package.

"Shelli asked me to bring this to you and I figured it was on the way so I just dropped by," Maggie said.

C.J. took the package and saw it was leftovers from Dave's party.

"Thank you," she said, "It smells really good. I didn't get a chance to try the food."

Maggie looked uncomfortable.

"Look I just wanted you to know that if I had known that Josh…I mean Matt had a girlfriend already, I wouldn't have…"

C.J. interrupted her.

"How could you know Maggie," she said, "He wasn't even using his real name let alone his real background."

"It must have been something serious that happened to go through all that trouble to hide his identity," Maggie said.

C.J. sighed.

"It was," she said, "but that's still no excuse for not telling the people who loved him that he wasn't dead."

Maggie paused.

"He seems like a nice guy," she said, "I kind of figured he was hiding something. Or someone."

"We were together at one time," C.J. said, "I don't know what we are now."

"Well if you really care about him," Maggie said, "Can't you forgive him?"

"Probably," C.J. said, "but I need some time to figure things out.

Maggie shrugged.

"That makes sense," she said, "You shouldn't go back to him right away. Make him wait a little, work for it."

"It's not like that," C.J. said, "I have more than one person to consider here. I have to do what's best for both of us."

"Are you going to tell him," Maggie asked.

"Of course," C.J. said, "I would never keep something like that a secret from him."

---

Matt settled in his room, his mind racing with all kinds of thoughts. He had only been in Cicely a couple days and already he felt at a loss of what to do. C.J. was furious with him and rightfully so. Looking back, he realized that he should have never kept her and his family in the dark about his whereabouts after the car bomb exploded. Changing the past wasn't something he could do now as much as he wanted to revisit it so he had to move forward.

Two months he had spent away from L.A. fulfilling his end of the bargain that had saved his life. When he walked away from C.J. and stepped inside the car, he had no idea that someone had rigged it with enough explosives to turn it and anyone inside of it to a burnt crisp. He had hated the bargain he had to make to have survived but he had honored it and now he was officially back in the world of the living. Only everything had changed during the time he had been gone and C.J. had disappeared.

When he had returned to L.A., he had stood at a cemetery for hours looking down at his own headstone. His uncle had taken him there after he had gotten off the elevator of his penthouse suite and had watched as his secretary Chris had collapsed in a faint on the floor and Uncle Roy had to revive her. His uncle hadn't acted nearly as shocked when he saw him. Not surprising given his extensive background as a covert operative but he had shaken his head at his nephew when he had tried to explain himself.

"Where's C.J.," were the first words out of his mouth and his uncle had told him that she had left the city to start a new life for herself. He had felt regret and shame fill him as Roy had outlined the last two months of her life, facing danger and narrowly avoiding abduction on two occasions. At some point, C.J. had hit a turning point and had enough danger, deciding that she needed to leave to find some place anonymous where she could hide for a while. Matt sensed that his uncle knew more than he was saying but didn't push him except to ask where she had gone. Roy had refused to share that information at first but at some point when he saw the forlorn look in his nephew's eyes, he had given in and provided the information. He also warned Matt that C.J. might not be thrilled to see him.

"She was devastated when she thought you died," Roy said, sipping some scotch, "and two months passed before she came out of herself but she finally did."

"I'm more sorry about that than you will ever know," Matt said.

"Just remember that when you see her and proceed cautiously," Roy said, "Don't cause her any more pain than she's gone through already."

Now he knew full well what his uncle had met when he gave him that advice and what had he done? He had made a bad situation even worse. He had gotten her upset and she had pushed him away, not that he would blame her for that. Then these strangers in this small, remote town had circled the wagons around her. Not that they treated him like the enemy but they made it clear how protective they felt towards her. And despite their wariness of his intentions, he felt thankful that they were looking out for her during the time he couldn't do it himself.

Hers had been the last face he had seen before he got inside the car to drive off for what he had thought was supposed to be a meeting but someone had clearly had other plans when they tried to use that as an opportunity to kill him for getting too close to discovering behind the murder of a scientist whose wife had contacted them for help in proving that what had been written off as a laboratory accident had actually been an act of murder.

The case had also been one of the most intense of Matt's entire career, in ways that went beyond professional. Something he had never anticipated when he had first taken the case.

He showered and then got a glass of brandy before going to bed. As he sipped it, he found himself reflecting on the events of the past several months. He always returned to the image of C.J. both before he stepped inside the car and just hours ago in the Brick when she had discovered he had survived the explosion. That was the image he held onto when he finally fell asleep.

---

C.J. sighed as she tried to get to sleep. For being as tired as she felt, she couldn't drift off. Each time she tried she saw his face and how he looked after she had left him She knew she had deeply hurt him but she had been so shocked when he appeared in front of her and while part of her had been overjoyed, another part of her felt angry that he had left her and his family in the dark for so long.

She had tried to reconcile all these conflicting feelings in her mind and in her heart so that she could figure out what to do next. After all, she had more to consider for herself. She had her pregnancy too and it felt strangely wonderful but challenging to be in that position where she had to consider someone besides herself. Not that she would ever keep Matt away from his child or in the dark about the outcome of their last night together. She would have to tell him the truth but she needed some time. Anger still filled her, an emotion that she couldn't put aside as much as part of her wanted to do so. She accepted his explanation for why he had been gone although she sensed there was more to it but she felt shock as well at seeing him again. With her emotions still in turmoil inside her she drifted off to sleep.

C.J. got up late the next morning and ran around trying to get ready so that she could meet Ed at the Brick and head off to conduct more interviews. She felt better after a night's sleep but still angry at Matt for his deception. Even though she knew he probably had no choice in the matter, she still couldn't bring herself to let him off the hook. Besides, she had to think for herself and her unborn child. Their unborn child, the one they had created together before he died. And that included putting the father in his place if necessary.

She steeped her tea while she gathered her things together and put on her jacket. She had stood in front of the mirror this morning and tried to button her jeans, only to find that they didn't fit. At first, she thought she had eaten too much the night before but then she remembered that she was pregnant. She marveled over the changes in her body's shape but realized that she would have to get larger clothes. Shelli and Ruth Ann had given her a recommendation of where to shop and she decided to do it after she and Ed had returned to the Brick for lunch.

She picked up her things and closed the cabin door behind her.

---

Matt woke up and immediately felt the chill, remembering he was in the middle of Alaska and not back in balmy L.A. Then he remembered the events of last night and closed his eyes for a moment. C.J. had left angry with him and he had fallen asleep knowing that he had wounded her deeply all over again. Now he had to figure out how to fix it. The woman he had loved more than life itself for longer than he had realized when they had finally crossed the line from being best friends to lovers. As he held her in his embrace afterward while she slept, he stroked her hair and practiced what he would tell her when she woke up. The words he had still not said.

Because naturally, it hadn't gone as he had rehearsed. He had received a sudden phone call that someone was coming to pick him up and he had decided to let C.J. sleep. Only when he left the bed, she had woken up realizing the warmth of his body was no longer there. She had looked up at him while he dressed and he told her he had to leave her for a while. All she had to do was wait several hours for him and he would return with the information they needed. She had simply nodded and then gotten up to find her own clothes and help him get ready for the meeting. The meeting that never happened because within seconds after he had stepped inside the car, it had exploded, taking her world with it. He knew he would have to work hard to bring it back.

His uncle had explained to him the depths of her mourning for him while he had lived elsewhere working for the people who saved his life but had exacted a bargain in return. And he hadn't realized until last night, just how high a price he had paid. He wanted to talk to her, he needed to talk to her but he knew she needed her space as she always did the rare occasions she had been angry with him.

---

C.J. entered the crowded Brick and saw Ed talking to Shelli near the kitchen. She walked up to him and both of them looked at her as if surprised to see her there.

"You came," Ed said simply.

"I'm fine really," she said, "I'm sorry about last night. It's just that seeing him again was such a shock."

"He was dead," Ed said finishing his eggs.

Shelli's mouth opened wide as she recalled the party the night before.

"I had never seen a man come back from the dead before," she said, "I mean I learned about Lazarus and Jesus in church and all that but to actually see it."

"It's surrealism at its best," Ed said, nodding.

C.J. sat down after ordering some oatmeal.

"We buried him, or somebody," she said, "His uncle, his cousin and I and all his friends. I really thought he was gone forever and I'd be all alone."

"You have your baby," Shelli said, patting her own swollen belly, "Mine kept me awake most of last night."

"That must be exciting," C.J. said, "to feel that life within you."

Shelli shrugged.

"It was kind of cool," she said, "but I've got the worse heartburn, I've got to get up and pee all the time and I've still got several months to go."

C.J. smiled at the younger woman.

"It will be worth it to you won't it," she said, "And I'm sure Hollings is excited."

Shelli smiled broadly.

"He can't wait," she said, "Of course he'll probably take him fishing and hunting."

Ed nodded.

"And to meet Jesse."

C.J.'s eyes narrowed.

"Who's Jesse?"

"He was a bear. A great big bear."

Shelli nodded in agreement with Ed.

"He was really something," she said, "But Hollings said he's still out there even on the other side of the universe."

"He died," Ed explained. "But his spirit still walks."

C.J. nodded.

"I used to hear stories like that when I was a little girl on the ranch.""

Shelli shook her head.

"But last night was like something out of the movies," she said.

Ed brightened.

"It's been done many times."

"Is he still in the doghouse," Shelli asked, "I'd be majorly POed if Hollings pulled a stunt like that but I'd forgive him after a while."

"It's not a matter of forgiving," C.J said, "It's whether or not I know that he'll be there for us. I never thought he'd ever leave like that."

"What was he, a spy or something?"

C.J. ran her hand through her hair.

"Or something…"

The case had started simply enough until she and Matt had realized that they would have to pretend that they were a couple. Not that it was difficult to play the part most of the time because their long-time friendship had afforded them a comfortable chemistry but as the case continued, they found themselves drawn further into their roles.

"So where are you going today," Shelli asked.

Ed ate the last bite off his plate. C.J. had been famished despite the events of the previous night and finished her breakfast in due order. She reached to get her things, before they walked out of the Brick.

---

Matt stepped outside the rooming house where he had spent the night. The sun shone through a thin layer of clouds and the remnants of the previous night's snow began to melt, leaving patches of green underneath. He headed to the Brick passed the radio station where Chris sat giving his morning sermon on whatever topic struck his fancy. Joel and he reached the front of the Brick at the same time.

"How's life among the living," Joel asked.

Matt just looked at him.

"Sorry I couldn't resist," Joel said, "but some people might consider you a medical miracle if they didn't know the truth."

"I never died," Matt said, "My life was saved by individuals who wanted something in return."

Joel put up his hands.

"You don't have to tell me the details."

They walked into the Brick and sat down near the counter. Matt ordered breakfast while Joel settled for a coffee and Danish.

"How is she," Matt asked.

Joel looked confused and then comprehension hit him.

"Oh you mean C.J.," he said, "I'd say pretty well considering she got the shock of her life last night."

"I'm sorry about that," Matt said quietly, "but I had to see her again."

Joel sipped his coffee.

"What is it between you two," he said, "Are you married?"

Matt paused.

"Not legally."

Joel's brows shot up.

"Now there's one I haven't heard before," he said, "What are you talking about, not legally?"

Matt sighed.

"It's a long story," he said, "One that is between her and me."

"That's fine with me," Joel said, "My only concern about her is as her physician."

"Is there anything wrong with her," Matt asked.

Joel looked at him.

"I can't tell you that," he said, "Doctor/patient confidentiality."

Matt looked frustrated and Joel couldn't blame him but he had taken a sacred oath when he became a doctor and he intended to follow it.

"Is she sick?"

Joel folded his arms.

"I just said I couldn't tell you but there's nothing seriously wrong with her."

"So she's fine?"

Joel nodded.

"But that's all I'm going to tell you," he said, "except to be careful about giving her any further shocks though I'm not sure what would top last night's."

"I'm not here to do anything to jeopardize her health," Matt said, "and she's perfectly safe with me."

"She seemed more than mildly upset with you last night," Joel pointed out.

Matt couldn't argue with that so he didn't try.

"Of course Maggie was thrilled that she didn't kill you," Joel continued.

"I'm sorry about how I handled things with her too," Matt said, "She's a very nice woman."

Joel made a face.

"She has her moments," he admitted, "when she's not regressing back into that preppy high school girl who grew up in Gross Point Michigan's upper society."

"She plays a mean piano."

Joel looked surprised.

"I didn't know that," he said, "I knew she had a piano in her old house that Chris used as part of his performance art phase but I never knew she played it."

"I didn't know about her boyfriends," Matt said, "but it's foolish to hold that over her head."

"Yeah well, she had quite a streak going there for a while," Joel said.

Hollings walked over to them.

"Good morning," he said, "And what are you up to today?"

Joel nibbled on his Danish.

"Marilyn told me I have no patients this morning," he said, "So I'm planning on catching up on some medical journals I've been meaning to read."

"I've got to make some phone calls on business," Matt said, "if I'm planning to stay here for a while."

"She'll come around," Hollings said, pouring more coffee, "You just have to give her time."

"I'm not going to push her," Matt said, "I just want to know if she's all right."

"Despite the fact that you came back from the dead into her life," Hollings said, shaking her head, "If I had done that to Shelli…"

"I don't blame her for being angry," Matt said, "My uncle told me how hard my death was on her."

"She spent a lot of time thinking that she had to move on with her life," Hollings reasoned, "but now you've thrown her this curve ball."

"I know," Matt said, "and I've got a lot to make up for."

"She'll be back with Ed at noon for lunch," Hollings said, "They always stop by for the soup of the day."

Matt nodded, thinking he might be coming back later after he had taken care of some business.

---

C.J. and Ed headed back to the Brick and parked some distance away so that C.J. could pass by the maternity store and take a peek at the clothing. Not that she had to commit herself to any particular style but her clothes were getting tighter. Ed left her alone and she walked down the street and stopped by the store looking in the window, fascinated by the clothing.

"There you are," a voice said.

She looked up and saw him, standing there. Matt watched the expressions change on her face. He had saw her walking from across the street and watched her for a few minutes before taking a deep breath and heading on over. She looked wary but her face had smoothed and she didn't appear as angry.

"I've been here for a while," she said.

"Looking in the window," he asked.

She shook her head.

"With you gone, I had to move on so I came here," she said, starting to walk away from the store. She felt fortunate that she hadn't gone inside the building. If he had seen her inside there, it probably would have caused him to ask questions she didn't have answers for yet.

"The people here seem to really care about you," he said.

She tilted her head.

"They do," she said, "I don't know what I would have done without them."

"I'm glad they helped you," he said, "when I couldn't."

She sighed and rubbed her forehead.

"I'm trying really hard to understand that you didn't have a choice Houston," she said, "but I just come back to the point where you let me and your family believe that you died in that explosion. You let us believe that for several months even after we laid you to rest."

"I can't undo what I did except to say I'm sorry," he said, "I never meant to hurt you."

She tried to laugh but it wouldn't come.

"But that's exactly what you did," she said, "For weeks, I didn't feel like I could go on each day. For a while, I didn't want to."

"But you did," he said, "You did move on."

She hesitated and he saw something flicker in her eyes before it was gone.

"I had to," she said, "I didn't have a choice."

When she said that, she knew it was true. The decision had been made for her when she found out that her queasy mornings had a cause.

"You look good," he said quietly.

She looked away for a moment.

"So do you," she said, "And part of me is very happy to see you again, more happy than you could know but…"

"Another part of you is worried that I'll take off again," he guessed.

"Or disappear, or have to die again," she said, "I can't go through that again."

He looked around him and then looked puzzled.

"C.J., what are you doing here," he said, "It's a maternity clothing store."

She shrugged.

"Shelli's pregnant," she said, "I was looking for something for her."

She hated lying to him but she wasn't ready to reveal that secret yet.

He looked at her thoughtfully then smiled.

"I know I have a lot to make up for," Matt said, "but I'm back and I'm not going anywhere."

"I wish I could believe that," she said, softly.

"I'd like to have a chance to prove it to you," he asked.

She thought about it and he could see her struggle to control her emotions. He had enough trouble reining his inside. It felt like an eternity while he waited for her answer.

"Okay," she said, "I'll give you that chance."

"Fair enough," he said, "Can I start now by buying you lunch?"

She looked up at him and nodded.

"I'd like that very much."

He smiled to himself as they headed off to the Brick and watching him, C.J. felt her heart begin to melt just a little bit.

Chapter 8

They reached the Brick and settled at a table by the window. C.J. felt famished after the activities of the morning and ordered a huge plateful of food. She didn't miss the morning sickness that had plagued her for several months at all but this enormous appetite, which was taking some getting used to. Hollings made sure that she always had plenty to eat and piled some extra fried potatoes on her plate with her chicken and rice soup and her sandwich.

Matt watched her while she dug into her food.

"You worked up quite an appetite," he said.

She put down her fork.

"Ed and I were out on the far edges of Cicely," she said, "We're almost done with the interviews for his project. We're going back out again this afternoon."

Matt bit into his burger.

"He's doing this for Maurice isn't he?"

She nodded.

"It's going to be interesting seeing what Maurice's reaction to the finished project is going to be," she said, "I have a feeling that Edward's about to learn a lesson about creative license."

"He'll be okay," Matt said, "Part of being a film maker is having to make compromises."

"Part of being a lawyer as well," C.J. said.

"Do you like working with Ed on his film," Matt asked.

She looked at him and nodded.

"I can't be a lawyer because I'll attract too much attention," she said, "But this is fun. I've met and talked with some wonderful people in town and found out so much about its rather…unique history."

Matt sighed.

"You don't have to give up being an attorney," he said, "The men that are after you have been put away. I made sure of that."

She tilted her head.

"Was this when you 'died' or did this come later," she asked.

Matt heard the pain in her voice. He knew that being an attorney to help other people had been one of her dreams she had shared with him from the time she was a child. Getting admitted into Harvard University of Law had been one of her dreams she had been accomplished and getting her diploma there reminded her of all of life's exciting possibilities.

"It was part of the deal," he said, "I wanted to make sure you were safe."

She looked down at her plate.

"But I wasn't," she said, "And I'm not talking about the physical danger Houston. I'm talking about what your death…your… whatever you call it did to my heart."

And in her eyes as she looked at him now, he saw what he had done. He ran his hand through his hair.

"I'm sorry," he said, "More than you know."

She looked at the sadness in his eyes and he spoke the truth. But she still felt wary of trusting him and even as she checked herself for feeling that way, she couldn't dismiss it. She tried to smile.

"So how's Uncle Roy doing?"

"He was surprised to see me back," Matt said, "Considering he's an operative…"

"That's what his rationale is based on Houston," she said, "But he loves you like a son. When he thought he lost you, he blamed himself."

Matt knew that after talking to his uncle.

"That's my fault," he said, "He gave me hell when I came back after he got over his shock but mostly for what I put you through."

C.J. raised her brows at that. His uncle was normally pretty unflappable so that must have been a sight. She sipped some of her soup and looked up at him.

"What did he say about what you put me through?"

Matt sighed.

"When you believed I was dead, you took it very hard," he said, "It took you a while to come out of it."

No, it was a pink line on a stick that had brought her back to reality after she spent several weeks pushing any future without him away. But she wasn't ready to tell him that.

"But you finally did," he continued, "and you moved away from L.A. and on with your life."

She tilted her head watching the emotions play out on his face.

"I didn't have a choice," she said, "I couldn't mourn you forever Houston. I had to move on or I was never going to make it."

"You were the first thing I wanted to see when I got back," Matt said, "I couldn't let it go unsaid what had happened."

She finished up her sandwich and continued working on her potatoes.

"Now that you've come all the way up here and said what you had to say," she said, "What are you going to do?"

"I meant what I said that night," he said.

She raised a brow.

"Before or after we slept together," she asked.

"All of it."

She considered that and nodded.

Shelli came up to the table, with a pitcher of coffee.

"Would you like some more," she said.

Matt nodded and she refilled his mug.

"I've got some tea for you if you'd like," Shelli offered, "No caffeine, just herbs."

C.J. smiled.

"That will be nice, Shelli thanks," she said.

Matt just looked at Shelli then at her. He knew that C.J. loved her jolt of java in the morning.

"Since when have you been a tea drinker?"

She rolled her eyes at him.

"Can't a woman change her mind about what she drinks?"

"Sure," he said, "So when will you be done today?"

"I'm not sure," she said, "We're trying to finish up this stage so we might be out later."

"I want to finish this conversation," he said.

"I thought you said everything that needed to be said," she said.

He looked at her thoughtfully for a long moment.

"I'm just getting started."

---

Not long after that, C.J. left the Brick and met up with Ed to finish their interviews. They had several individuals scheduled for that afternoon so they took off in his truck.

"I saw Chris," Ed announced, "He agreed to handle publicity for the film."

C.J. had been thinking about her conversation with Matt at lunch and still felt conflicted by how she had handled it. She still felt a touch of anger at him for his actions during the past two months but another part wanted the man who in a few hours of passion spent on the last night of his life had fathered her baby. She felt a pang of guilt about keeping that secret from him even though she knew she just wasn't ready to drop that bombshell on him until she knew he was back home for good.

"Ruth Anne is going to handle the rental of the theater for the premiere," Ed said.

C.J. returned to the present to look at him.

"I thought Maurice wanted a larger facility as the showcase," she said.

Ed shrugged his shoulders.

"He'll change his mind again," he said, "He always does."

She laughed.

"You're probably right about that."

"What about you?"

She narrowed her eyes.

"What do you mean?"

Ed kept his eyes focused on the road ahead, which split two rows of trees with icicles hanging like ornaments off their branches.

"Will you be here when the film is done?"

She paused, thinking that was a fair enough question since he had hired her to help him with his project. She had come to Cicely to stay for a while, away from the danger and memories she had left behind but with Matt back in the picture, she felt her world had gone topsy turvy on her again.

"I'm not going anywhere Ed," she said, finally, "At least for a while."

"But he's back," Ed said, "from the dead."

She took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly.

"I know but there's so much that still between us that we need to work out," she said.

"You're worried he might leave again," he said, simply.

His astuteness startled her.

"I can't help it," she said, "He…died and now he's back. And there's more to consider than just me."

Ed nodded.

"Your baby."

"Well yes," she said, "I have to do what's best for him or her and keep him safe and secure."

"He's not dangerous…"

She shook her head.

"No, but he's been gone for two months and someone tried to kill him," she said, "and it's not just the danger, my child needs to know his parents will be there."

Ed nodded again.

"I see."

She softened.

"I'm glad he's back," she said, "but it's hard for me to believe that it's permanent after what happened."

"Does he know…"

She looked at him.

"About the baby," she said, "No I haven't told him."

Ed just nodded again and didn't say anything after that for a while.

---

Matt sat at the Brick after calling his uncle to check in on the agency. His caseload had piled up while he had been gone and his uncle had tried to sort through the cases, picking out the high priority ones. He had no idea why people had tried to hire him for his investigative skills even after he had allegedly died but already his reemergence had resulted in more people calling the agency to make appointments to discuss cases with him. Roy had agreed to handle the screening while he went to Alaska to try to find C.J.

He worked on some documents to prepare for faxing to Chris in the L.A. office, that is if he could even locate a fax machine in this small town.

"You brought your office all the way up to this god forsaken corner of the wilderness," a voice said.

Matt looked up from his work and saw Joel taking off his parka and his gloves.

"I'm just catching up on some work," he said.

Joel nodded with a smile.

"The backlog that piled up while you were…dead."

"Something like that," Matt said.

Joel sat at the next table and ordered lunch.

"A few patients today," he said, "But just the usual athletes foot and sore throats, nothing exotic."

"Why did you come up here if you don't like the wilderness?"

Joel just shook his head at Matt.

"Long story," he said, "and I'm only taking a short break today. I'm assuming C.J. is out with Ed hunting down some more of Cicely's old timers."

"You assume right," Matt said, "I made sure she had lunch before going back out."

"That's good," he said, "It's good to see her eating more now."

"What's wrong with her," Matt asked, "You say you want tell me due to your oath and then you keep bringing her up as if something's wrong with her."

Joel shrugged.

"She's a very healthy young woman," he said, "who hasn't had an easy time of it given that she believed you were no longer in the land of the living."

Matt signed a document.

"We're working through that," he said, "I had to make some very difficult choices."

Joel raised his hands.

"Hey you don't have to tell me your life story," he said, "I'm just concerned about my patient and don't want you to do or say anything that will upset her."

Joel's face fell then and Matt looked where he had been looking to see Maggie enter the Brick, dressed against the weather like everyone else was and wearing a brightly colored scarf.

"I wonder what's got O'Connell in such a cheerful mood," Joel said, "besides the knowledge that she didn't kill you."

Matt watched as Maggie ordered a coffee and sandwich at the bar. She turned around to look at them smiling cheerfully.

"She's up to something," Joel muttered.

Matt looked perplexed.

"Is this how you handle Maggie," he asked, "No wonder she doesn't seem to like you very much."

Joel perked up.

"Did she say that?"

"She didn't say much of anything," Matt said, "But she's a nice woman who deserves better than someone who looks at her and sees an agenda instead of a woman."

Joel sat up straighter.

"That's not me you're talking about is it," he said, "Because you haven't been in this backwoods town very long and don't know what's been going on here since I arrived."

Matt looked at him thoughtfully while sipping some more coffee.

"I imagine this town existed a long time before you arrived," he said.

Joel's mouth opened and stayed that way.

"I am aware of that," he stammered.

Maggie walked over with her food and sat down next to Matt. Joel looked at her suspiciously but she seemed more concerned about her food than him.

"Are you tormenting him Fleishman?"

Joel frowned.

"I am most certainly not O'Connell," he said, "Must you always be so rude in every conversation."

She sighed impatiently.

"Only with you Fleishman, because you ooze hostility like a…"

"A fungus," he said, "I've been called that before as has just about every man in Cicely by you."

Maggie paused, furrowing her brow.

"Fleishmann…"

"What O'Connell?"

"Get over yourself," she said.

Matt looked at the both of them going at it.

"Do you do this every day," he asked.

Both of them looked at him.

"Well…no," Maggie said, "Only when he tries to push my buttons with his sanctimonious, 'I am better than the lot of you in this backwoods village' kind of crap."

"It's simply an observation, O'Connell."

Her eyes brightened dangerously and Joel's own eyes flitted around looking for any potential projectiles. But she just shook her head vehemently. Matt wondered how a man like Joel could be so incompetent when it came to flirting with a beautiful, spirited woman like Maggie. Of course some people were born with that skill from the cradle but Joel had plenty of time to pick up even the most rudimentary skills.

Joel and Maggie saw him smiling.

"What," she said.

"Nothing…," he said, getting up, "I need to find a fax machine in this town. Do you know where one is hooked up?"

"Sure, Ruth Ann has one in her store," Maggie said, "She's got just about everything you need."

"Yeah, you can eat kippers and moose milk while surfing the World Wide Web," Joel added, "All in one location."

Matt nodded and gathering his documents, left them sitting. They watched him leave the Brick.

"Definitely one of the strangest characters ever to show up here," Joel said.

Maggie gave him one of her looks.

"That guy came all the way back from the dead to find the woman he loves," she said, "You…you have the romantic IQ of a flatworm."

"Oh and this is coming from Cecily's own version of the Black Widow," Joel countered.

And on it went, as they continued arguing back and forth and the rest of Cicely paid them little mind.

---

C.J. and Ed finished one interview that involved them taking a tour of a greenhouse filled with the most beautiful orchids that C.J. had ever seen. In all colors, like a kaleidoscope within the glass walls, the most delicate of flowers protected from the harsh climate outside. She marveled at the loving care which had been given to nurture their growth and their overwhelming beauty.

"Wow," was all Ed said as they stood inside the warmth and humidity which recreated the conditions of their native habitat.

She nodded.

"Wow is right," she said, "I've never seen anything so beautiful."

He looked at her.

"We'll start the movie with this picture right here."

She smiled, envisioning it.

"That would be perfect," she said.

They stood there quiet in the brilliance of color and light before heading back to town.

Chapter 9

C.J. walked back into the Brick to pick up a hamburger. Her afternoon out with Ed doing interviews which had concluded with some time inside a greenhouse packed with orchids had left her with quite an appetite. Oh yes, and she was eating for two, at least she thought she was having only one baby. She would find out for sure when she had her scheduled ultrasound with Joel. At her last appointment, he had raved about the new device, well new at least for the town of Cicely. C.J. had shared his enthusiasm especially when she learned that the new purchase courtesy of Maurice spared her plane trip to Anchorage to have the procedure done there.

She saw that Matt had obviously finished his paperwork and had joined some loggers talking and drinking beer in the corner of the bar. Looking at him, she sat down at a table next to one occupied by Eve and a rather hairy looking man wearing a knit hat.

"Must you keep reminding me about your phlebitis my passion flower," the man glowered, "That layover in Zurich airport was legitimate, not an attempt to avoid or delay exercising my parental responsibilities."

Eve just stared at the man, who must be the legendary often spoken of in whispers Adam while bouncing the baby on her lap.

"Adam, must you use such a harsh tone," she said, "A baby's cochlea is very delicate at this stage in its life. We could be talking deterioration of the hearing that could be unseen until the baby enters preschool and can't keep up with the class…"

Adam rolled his eyes but brought his voice down to a whisper.

"Is that better my loved one," he said, "What do the experts say this time?"

Eve sighed and took a sip of her herbal tea.

"It doesn't look like its rheumatoid based, it could be some form of gout but the Mayo Clinic specialist didn't think so," she said, "I have to go back out there for some more tests in a few weeks."

Adam threw his hands in the air.

"But you know that's when the international pasta prima vera cook off is scheduled," he said, "That's been on the schedule for months."

"I know that Adam, but I really believe the health of the family…"

"Am I not part of the family?"

"Why yes, dear, but these appointments are hard to reschedule except for months in advance," she said.

He looked at her a moment and then exasperated, he got up and stomped off to his favorite refuge from unreasonably hormonal women, the kitchen.

Maggie passed him by and sat next to Eve.

"Not in a very good mood tonight is he?"

Eve straightened the minute hairs on her baby's head.

"He's upset because I won't drop everything to support his cooking competition next month," she said, "But I've got this pain in my toes that is spreading to my foot."

Maggie nodded.

"I got that often when I was with Rick," she said, "I think it was psychological or so my mom says."

Eve looked at her solemnly.

"It could be leprosy," she said, "You'd better get that checked."

She dug in her purse and pulled out a business card.

"He's one of the top specialists and if you call now, I'm sure he can fit you in within six months," Eve said.

Maggie took the card and looked at it uncertainly.

"…Thanks."

Maggie looked over at C.J.

"So how's Ed's film going," she asked.

C.J. looked up at her.

"It's going great," she said, "He shot some raw footage today and he's looking through it to see what works."

"I can't wait to see it," Maggie said, "Ed's a very talented film maker."

"He's been working very hard," C.J. said, "I've enjoyed helping him and seeing the process unfold."

Maggie sipped her beer that Dave brought her.

"You work in film before?"

C.J. shook her head.

"I was a lawyer," she said, "what feels like a long time ago."

"What kind of law did you practice," Maggie asked.

"Mostly corporate law," C.J. said, "I did a criminal proceeding now and then just enough to get my feet wet."

"Do you miss it?"

C.J. paused for a while thinking back to the past before life had gotten so complicated.

"Yes."

---

Matt left the loggers where they contemplated whether they were going to play pool downstairs and walked to where Hollings was drying off some bar glasses.

"You tend a pretty good bar," Matt noted.

Hollings just put the glass down and nodded.

"I've had this place for a spell," he said, "but I tended bar elsewhere when I was younger before I tended my own."

Matt ordered a refill and Hollings obliged. He looked over where C.J. and Maggie were talking. Hollings watched him.

"Have you asked her to forgive you?"

Matt looked up with a start.

"She has every right to be upset with what I did and what I put her through," he said, sipping his glass, "after I told her how much she mattered to me."

"Right before you left her that last time."

Matt thought back to the expression on her face when he left her to get in the vehicle. He had promised her after the night they had spent together that he would only be gone a short while.

"We got married as part of the cover," he said, "It wasn't legal but…"

"For a while, you believed it," Hollings guessed.

"I wanted it."

"There's nothing wrong with that," Hollings said, "I wasn't the marrying kind and Shelli except that even though it pains her sometimes. I thought that's what she wanted and needed to be happy but in her mind, she was more in love with the ceremony than the license."

"I was engaged a couple of times," Matt said, "It didn't work out. One woman left me because of my career and the other, died."

"That must have been difficult."

Matt nodded.

"When they gave me this impossible choice," he said, stroking his chin, "I didn't see any other way out. I should have died in that explosion."

"You didn't," Hollings said, "You're here and the woman you left is sitting over at that table."

"She thinks I'm just going to leave her again," Matt said.

"Are you?"

Matt shook his head.

"She might have her reasons for feeling the way she does," Hollings said, "Maybe you should ask her about them."

"You're right," Matt said, "I think I will."

C.J. looked up from where she sat with Maggie and saw him walking towards her. Her brows knitted and Maggie turned around to look at him. She smiled and patted a seat.

"Come and sit down," she said, "I don't bite and I don't kill men no matter what you might have heard around town."

He sat down.

"I'll buy you dinner," Maggie said, "and then I'll leave you two alone."

"You don't have to…," C.J. started.

"I want to," she said, "God knows I'll never figure out what makes the opposite sex tick and how to make it work, but more power to those couples who can make out right."

"Thanks," C.J. said, "That's really nice of you."

Maggie shrugged.

"It's nothing," she said, then her face fell when she looked at the door.

"What is it," C.J. asked.

"Fleischman."

Joel had entered the room, bundled up from head to toe with only his face showing. He walked to an empty table and began taking the layers off. Maggie shook her head and walked over to him. C.J. and Matt watched them for a moment then picked up the menus.

"What's good," Matt asked.

"Everything, but especially the moose burgers," C.J. said, "I'm going to have one."

He raised his brow.

"Sure you can eat all that?"

She looked back and put the menu down.

"I sure can," she said, "Being out in this brisk air all day makes me hungry."

"I'll have the same thing," he said and they ordered.

"So how did your day go," C.J. asked.

"I got a lot of work done," he said, "And managed to fax some sheets back to Murray so he'll stop calling."

"He's done a great job with Houston Enterprises," C.J. said.

"Yes he has," Matt said, "I've never regretted handing it off to him to run."

"He's worked very hard."

"You've been working very hard lately," he said.

She looked back at her glass.

"I've enjoyed my work," she said, "It's something different but it's fun."

"You really do look good," he said.

She smiled.

"So do you," she said, "You're much better alive."

"I plan to stay that way," he said, "I'm not going anywhere."

She pushed her hair back off of her face and looked at him.

"Are you sure about that?"

He saw the wariness appear in her eyes again.

"I'm very sure," he said, "And I'm very sure that those men who tried to harm you won't be coming around again."

She put her chin on her hand.

"They're all in jail?"

He nodded.

"Why did they want to kill you?"

"It was over that disk we uncovered," Matt said, "They thought it would further their objectives."

"It was destroyed," she said, "Didn't they know that?"

"Not until after they were rounded up," he said.

"I hope they put them away for a long time," she said.

"They will."

She sighed and when the burgers came, dug into hers.

"You really are hungry," he said.

"Yeah," she said, "I didn't feel like eating much for a while then all of a sudden I can't eat enough."

"I'm sorry about that," he said softly.

She looked up.

"About what," she said.

"About worrying you as much as I did," he said, "I had no right."

"You made your decision," she said, "and I had to make some as well."

"To leave L.A. and come all the way up here," he said.

"I needed to get away from the painful memories there," she said, "and I knew I'd be safe here. I had other things to think about."

His eyes narrowed.

"Like what?"

Her face flushed and she reached for her mineral water.

"Just things."

"I'm sorry I pushed you into having to make those decisions," he said.

"It wasn't all bad," she said, "Some good came out of it."

He nodded.

"You made great friends and this is a nice town."

"I did and I want to stay here for a while," she said.

"Fair enough," he said, "I can set up shop here."

She looked at him closely.

"You…you're bringing the agency here?"

"Uncle Roy's handling my case load which is low now anyway," Matt said, "And I needed a break too."

"But why here?"

"I meant what I said that night after we…"

"Had sex."

He rubbed the back of his neck.

"I think I'd call it more than that."

"Okay, it was nice," she said, "It was great but time has passed and it's hard to go back because what if anything happens?"

"Maybe we can't go back but we can start over," he said.

She thought about that as she bit into her burger.

"I don't know how to do that," she said, "I can't go through what I just did again."

He digested that and nodded.

"Okay, we still are friends right?"

She smiled.

"The very best."

Matt nodded at that, knowing that if he was going to rebuild what they had, that was the best place to start.

Chapter 10

C.J. looked at the food piled high on her plate and poked her fork at it. She loved fried eggs and potatoes having grown up on a ranch, but she found herself working on her third serving. A few minutes ago, she had emptied her plate again but at some point when she hadn't been looking, Dave the cook must have returned with another round because when she turned her attention back to her plate, more eggs and potatoes were on her plate.

Shelli plopped down in a chair at her table, and sighed.

"Busy," C.J. asked.

"Busy doesn't even begin to describe it," Shelli said, "Three whole crews of loggers stopped by this morning. Said they could smell breakfast from all the way down the road."

C.J. looked around her but the Brick had thinned out a bit in the past half hour.

"It looks like it's settling down," she said, "I've been reading Ed's new revisions in his script."

Shelli nodded.

"Yeah, he said he had been lying in his bed last night and just before falling asleep," she continued, "He got a new vision of how it should be."

"Maurice isn't going to like that."

Shelli shrugged in her chair.

"He'll get over it," she said, "He knows how talented Ed is, even if he won't say it."

"He seems to want a lot of control over his movie," C.J. said, "Ed's been meeting with him for the past two hours. They're over at the old theater talking about the premiere and the movie's not even finished yet."

Shelli blinked her eyes.

"Oh that," she said, "Maurice is more into the business end than the art."

"He seemed to want artistic control."

Shelli waved her hand.

"He just says that," she said, "But he doesn't mean it. He'll make a big show about it but he'll let Ed do what he wants."

C.J. nodded, realizing there was a lot about these people she still hadn't learned. Suddenly, Shelli's facial expression changed. She broke out in a huge grin and stood up, holding onto her pregnant belly.

"Holllings, come quickly," she said, gesturing.

He looked up quizzically from the bar.

"What's up Shelli?"

C.J. looked over at the waitress as well.

"Are you okay," she asked.

Shelli nodded.

"Oh Hollings you're going to miss this," she said.

With that, he came right on over to the table still looking at her confused. He had learned that pregnancy brought out unpredictable behavior in women but this took the cake.

"Shelli, what's the matter," he asked.

She answered him by taking his hand and placing it on her abdomen and although he looked perplexed, slowly it dawned on him and he started smiling.

"Is that…"

"Yes baby, that's Hollings jr. moving around in there, wanting to get out," she said.

His eyes widened.

"Now?"

She chuckled.

"No, not right now, but you know like, soon."

C.J. saw how the older man looked at her, with gentleness and love in his eyes, and in his touch as he marveled at the new life within. She felt a pang inside her as she watched them, never feeling more alone. Then she looked up and saw him coming in the door.

"This is going to be you in a few months," Shelli reminded her.

C.J. nodded absently as she saw Matt head towards her.

"I got off the phone with Murray," he started and then looked at Hollings and Shelli.

"She felt her baby move," C.J. explained.

Matt looked at her, seeing that she looked more rested this morning. He looked at the plates in front of her.

"You've eaten breakfast," he noted.

"I was very hungry," she said, "I think it's the clean air. I was getting ready to go meet Ed. He's with Maurice right now."

Matt nodded.

"Yeah I saw them having a rather heated discussion down the street."

C.J. raised her brow, realizing that she had never seen Ed get upset about anything in the short time she had known him.

"You mean Ed got heated?"

"No," Matt said, "He's keeping a cool head. It's Maurice who seems to be upset about something."

C.J. sighed.

"Ed's a very talented film maker and if Maurice just keeps his focus on the business side, this project would go smoother," she said.

Matt noted the tone in her voice.

"It's important to you isn't it?"

"Yes I suppose so," she said, "When I first came here, I was at a loss and I needed something to do that meant something and it couldn't be the law…"

"C.J.," Matt said, "You don't have to explain yourself to me. I'm glad you're working with him."

"It's been a lot of fun," she said, "and it means a lot to Ed to use his talent for the towns people. In a sense, it raised him."

"It takes a village as they say," Matt said, "It's fortunate he had people looking out for him when he was younger."

"His own parents couldn't be there for him," she said, "so the townspeople stepped in."

Matt sat down at the table. Hollings and Shelli paid him little mind, focused on each other having moved to another table.

"A child needs parents," Matt said.

"A child needs a family," C.J. said, "And that can come in many different forms."

Matt thought about that and nodded.

"I didn't have a mother while I was growing up," he said, "But my father tried hard to make up for that."

"I didn't have either parent for very long," C.J. said, "I missed them a lot but my life worked out okay."

Matt smiled at that.

"Okay?" he said, "You graduated first in your class always, even in law school and you became a very successful lawyer."

"You turned out very well yourself," C.J. said, "Professionally I think we've both done very well."

Matt raised a brow.

"Professionally," he said, "But we're both missing in our personal lives."

C.J. frowned.

"I didn't mean it in a negative way," she said, "We both never married."

"We've both been engaged," he pointed out, "I think I actually got far enough to have a wedding date."

"Elizabeth," she said, nodding, "That wasn't too long ago."

"It never would have worked out," Matt said, "She never could accept what I did."

"Houston, it's a tough choice to have to make for a woman," C.J. said, "to see the man she loves walk out the door each morning and wonder if that's the last time she'll see him."

He narrowed his eyes.

"Are we still talking about Elizabeth here?"

"Partly," she said, "But I know how she felt and saying goodbye to you and walking away must have been a very difficult decision."

"I think having our wedding crashed by a psycho killer bent on revenge was the last straw," Matt said, "But I get the distinct impression we've moved on and we're talking about you."

C.J. blinked her eyes.

"What do you mean?"

Matt paused.

"About your feelings," he said.

She sighed.

"What do they matter," she said, "I learned through this that I can't give myself 100 percent to a person and then lose him."

He digested her words for a moment.

"Is that what you did that night," he said, "Why didn't you say something?"

Her cheeks flushed a little bit.

"I didn't think I had to," she said.

Matt couldn't really argue with her. He had sensed the depths of her feelings through the way her lips met his and through her hands on his skin, the way their bodies met. The passion which had risen between them had surprised him although looking back, he should have known.

"No you didn't," he agreed, "I was going to tell you that when I got back."

She nodded, knowing that the chain of events which had transpired once he had left her to get into the departing vehicle had not allowed him to do that. Still, the pain that she had felt when she thought she lost him forever still felt fresh even though he now sat in front of her miles away from L.A. and that night.

"I still feel like that C.J," he said, "Nothing's changed."

She looked up at him, her hair settled on her shoulders and shook her head.

"Everything's changed," she said, "I've changed. Not my feelings about you but whether or not I'm willing to risk them."

"I'm not going away this time," he said, "And nothing's going to happen."

She sighed.

"You don't know that," she said, "You didn't see it coming that night and that can happen again. I just don't think I could go through losing you. Besides I…"

Maggie walked up to the table just then.

"C.J., I think Ed's waiting for you outside," she said, "I saw him with Maurice but Maurice left."

C.J. looked up at Matt.

"I have to go," she said, "He's going to start edits soon and there's more changes to be added in the script."

Matt nodded.

"Okay then, I will see you later," he said, "Are you free for dinner?"

Maggie tilted her head.

"Scrabbles tonight," she said, "Although you could skip the second round of the tournament."

C.J. shook her head.

"No, I actually am looking forward to it," she said, "But it's not until seven."

"I'll pick you up at 5:30 for dinner," Matt said.

She looked at him, silent for a moment and then she nodded.

"Okay, that's fine," she said, getting up and grabbing her things, "I'll see you later."

Matt watched her go and Maggie watched him.

"You've really got a thing for her don't you?"

He looked at her, a bit startled.

"We go back a long way," he said, "We've been friends for years."

She looked at him carefully.

"Yeah, well I didn't see friendship in that look," she said, "But it's cool with me because I like to see people who can get this whole male female interaction thing right."

"What about you and that doctor…"

She made a face.

"Oh you mean Fleishman," she said, "The walking bundle of intertwined neuroses."

"He does seem a bit uptight," Matt agreed.

"He's twisted all up in his own fears and shortcomings, but it's his own fault."

"Is he a good doctor," Matt asked.

She looked at him suddenly.

"Well yeah sure," she said, "Despite all his hang-ups and his whining about being trapped in Alaska, he's a good doctor."

"He's been treating C.J."

"I wouldn't worry about her Matt," Maggie said, "She's doing just fine."

"Do you know what's going on," he asked.

She looked at him and his eyes looked troubled but she had made a promise and those weren't made to be broken.

"You'll need to ask her about that," Maggie told him.

---

C.J. sat in the small room where Ed often went to edit his film footage.

"This is nice Ed," she said.

He smiled as he spooled the reels on the machine.

"Marilyn's friend helped me find it," he said, "I edit my movies here."

As she watched him finish setting up the editing device to begin his work, she thought about her conversation with Matt and how she had understood where he was coming from with his comments but she still didn't feel like she could tell him about the baby. She envied Shelli and Hollings in their excitement and joy about their impending arrival. She knew she had to tell him. She just didn't know how or even what would happen next. Or how she would handle it if he left again or if anything happened to him.

"I couldn't tell him," she said finally.

Ed nodded.

"About your baby."

"He would be so happy about it," she said, "He's always wanted children but if I lost him…if he left again…"

"And he didn't come back," Ed finished, "You'd be very sad."

"Yes," she said, "I don't think I could go through all that again."

Ed nodded again, without saying anything as he began to thread some of the film from a reel through the device and pushed a button to move it completely on the reel.

"It takes a village," he finally said, "I had many parents, many fathers and mothers. Sisters and brothers, after they found me on the river."

She hesitated.

"Was it hard…not to know who your real parents were?"

He kept his eyes on the moving film.

"I had a spirit guide come to me to help me find them," he said, "But he showed me that my family is here…in Cicely."

She nodded thoughtfully.

"I lost my parents when I was young," she said, "I didn't know my father beyond when I was a child. I want my child to know his or her parents."

"I think that's the best," Ed said, flipping the switch on his editing machine off, "Then he or she will have the best of both worlds rather than being caught in between them."

She looked at him startled at his observation but he focused on his film.

---

Matt looked up and saw that Joel had entered into Ruth Ann's store where he had come to use the fax machine to get some documents back to Murray in L.A. that he had signed. Murray had shocked when he had resurfaced but had gotten over that the quickest and within a short time, he had handed Matt all his paperwork that he had to fill out for his company. But then that's why he hired him because despite Murray's quirks, he was a great accountant and had filled the shoes that Matt had been all to willing to remove and had done well with his corporation.

"It looks like you're setting up shop here," Joel noted, looking around.

Matt looked up from his pile of papers.

"I have to send some invoices back to L.A.," he said, "I have employees who are handling my agency while I'm gone."

"So you're staying here?"

Matt nodded.

"C.J. feels comfortable here," he said, "So it makes sense and she and I need to work things out between us."

Joel folded his arms.

"Like the shock she went through when she saw that you're still among the living?"

Matt rubbed his forehead.

"Something like that."

"She's a strong woman," Joel said, "But she needs to keep her stress level down so I don't think you should say anything to her that's upsetting."

Matt narrowed his eyes.

"Why do I get the feeling that there's been something you've not been telling me?"

"Because there is," Joel said, "But I'm obligated to respect the privacy of my patients. I took an oath when I became a doctor."

"Is she sick?"

Matt felt his heart sink, waiting for the answer, but much to his relief, Joel shook his head.

"It's nothing like that," he said, "And that's all I'm going to say because I can see that you are very concerned."

"Then what is it," Matt asked.

Joel pointed his finger at him.

"You're not going to make me violate my oath," he said, "So don't even try."

Matt nodded, knowing he wasn't getting anywhere and willing to let it drop…for now.

"Okay," he said, "I don't like that but I can see I have no choice."

"She might tell you what's going on," Joel said, "Then it won't an issue but you might want to give her some time."

"I'm willing to do that," Matt said.

"Good, then that's settled," Joel said, preparing to leave, then he stopped, "But if you do run into her, remind her that she has an appointment tomorrow morning at 11."

Matt frowned, more perplexed than ever but he nodded.

"I'll do that."

With that, Joel left and as he watched him go, Matt knew that something was going on and he was going to have to get to the bottom of it.

Chapter 11

C.J. prepared for her dinner date with Matt, then chuckled at the use of that word to describe something that the two of them had done many times over the years they had known each other without calling it that. Still, things had definitely changed between them and C.J. had only to try to button her pants to be reminded of that. Sighing, she realized that she would have to go back to that store and buy a new wardrobe that accommodated her changing figure. Her abdomen appeared a bit fuller but besides from that, she didn't notice anything. Except that she had expanded someplace else as well, not that she minded. But she wondered how long it would take until Matt noticed that her body was changing and figured out that he had something to do with that.

She got a woolen sweater to put over her wooly shirt and wrapped herself with a large scarf. The nights were quite frigid but so far, there hadn't been any new snow storms. Still, the locals had warned that the weather could turn on you at a moment's notice and that it was common to become snowbound. Several of the men who worked at Hollings had assured C.J. that if that happened at her cabin, they would dig her out. She smiled, thinking again of how nice the people were in Cicely and how much she liked staying here. Still, now that Matt had reentered the picture, she felt herself feeling unsure of how to proceed with him. Each time she saw him, memories of that last night they had spent together taking their relationship to a whole different level filled her and she saw that the physical attraction she felt towards her best friend hadn't abated. Maybe the hormones circulating through her because of her pregnancy had even enhanced it. But still, she kept her feelings in that area on ice, not willing to bruise her heart again. She felt relieved when it became clear that on some level, he understood her struggles although he didn't like it.

She heard someone knock on the door as she searched for her sturdy boots. Was it Matt, no it couldn't be as she was meeting him at the Brick for the dinner before she headed off to play Scrabble with the women. Walking to the door, she brushed her hair back onto her shoulders and opened the door. She saw Maggie holding a bag. She looked at her puzzled.

"Oh it's just some clothes, you know for your condition," Maggie said.

C.J.'s eyes widened because she had just been thinking about that. She picked up the bag and looked through at the outfits, smiling.

"The other women donated some of their own maternity clothing," Maggie said, "Of course, I didn't have any, I mean I don't even have a man yet but I was chosen to deliver them."

C.J. smiled at her.

"Thank you," she said, "I was just getting ready for dinner."

Maggie looked around.

"Oh you mean with J…I mean Matt," Maggie corrected, "I have trouble keeping names straight."

"I know the feeling," C.J. said, "I'm not sure how to deal with him right now."

Maggie tilted her head.

"You care about him a lot don't you?"

C.J. nodded. She had cared deeply for him most of her life but things had gotten a bit more complicated in the past several months obviously. Maggie seemed to pick that up.

"The pregnancy changes things doesn't it," Maggie said, "I mean not that I wouldn't know because even though my mother is postponing her latest midlife sabbatical since burning down my house to await another O'Connell grandchild, I am completely happy with who I am and my life."

C.J. smiled.

"You seem to have a very fulfilling life," she said, "You own your own business, you are your own person and don't let anyone get in your way of what you want."

"Yeah I am aren't I?"

"I used to have that confidence but when Matt died…," C.J. said, then shrugged, "I mean when I thought he had died…"

"Yes, I imagine it can get confusing," Maggie agreed, "I mean I had boyfriends drop dead on me but none of them ever came back to life…"

"I'm so happy that he didn't die," C.J. said, "But I couldn't go through losing him again and I've tried telling him."

"He seems like a nice guy," Maggie said, "Like I said, I can't figure this male-female relationship thing out, but I always wish those who can the best."

C.J. heard the wistful tone in the other woman's voice.

"I'm no expert on figuring out relationships either," she said, "I've had boyfriends get murdered by stalkers and others that turned out to be kidnappers and killers."

Maggie nodded in sympathy.

"I've never had quite that problem," she said, "Just that after I get into a relationship with a man and start to get well, comfortable with them, something tragic happens. I've just learned that you have to jump up and take the happy times when you get them because soon enough, it will all go to Hell."

C.J. digested that and realized that the other woman spoke the truth.

---

Matt waited on hold while Murray rushed to the fax machine to make sure he had received the documents that Matt had just sent to him, signed. The very last of some contracts that had pressing deadlines, remnants of the corporate world that Matt had hoped he had left behind when he had started his new life as a private investigator with C.J. He closed his eyes remembering the pain that still remained in her eyes when she looked at him, which stabbed at his own heart. Not a day passed by that he didn't relive the last time he had looked at her after they had spent the night with each other and had seen love tinged with fear and heady anticipation of what the future might hold for both of them when he returned from his mission. In her arms, he had found a part of himself in her that he hadn't known existed, when looking in her eyes as she loved him, he had found peace. Of course, when the vehicle he had stepped inside to had exploded into a ball of flame that had gone up in smoke too. But now that the danger had passed, he wanted nothing but to pick up to where they had left off but that wasn't going to be easy. Not as long as she kept him at arm's length

"I'm sorry Big Guy," Murray apologized as he got back on the line, "The fax's running a bit slow today."

"That's fine," Matt said, "Look tell Uncle Roy to send me only the outstanding invoices from the agency."

"Will do," Murray said, before hanging up.

Matt finished his work and picked up his portfolio to leave the general store. Ruth-Ann looked at him from behind the counter.

"You're finished with your work," she asked matter of factedly.

Matt nodded.

"I've got an early dinner at the Brick."

She smiled.

"Ah yes, with C.J.," she said, "Have a good time and take good care of her."

Matt narrowed his eyes.

"I'm getting the feeling that I'm missing something here," he said.

"Not uncommon in the male gender."

He scratched the back of his neck where his muscles had tightened.

"Listen, is anything wrong with her?"

Ruth-Ann just shook her head still smiling.

"Not at all," she said, "Nothing that time won't fix."

He hesitated.

"I know the past few months have been very difficult for her," he said, "I'm going to do my best to make that up to her."

"I know you will Matt," Ruth-Ann said, "But you're going to need to give her time to accept what you're offering."

"I know that too," he said, "and I'm willing to wait."

Ruth-Ann sighed.

"I have been in her shoes," she said, "I loved a man once and I thought he had died, then he showed up in Cicely one day years later as alive as you are."

"That must not have been easy."

"It wasn't, but life is filled with surprises," Ruth-Ann said, "Some pleasant, some not but all of them help make us who we are. And that's as much philosophy as you're going to get out of me today."

"Thanks," he said, leaving the store.

Ruth-Ann shook her head at the young man who looked as besotted over a woman as the men around her had shown her back in the day.

---

Maggie had left and C.J. had put the clothing that the women had given her away, deciding that she would be among the best dressed pregnant women in Cicely. She remembered back to a night months ago, when she hadn't been wearing much, just a towel around her tanned body as she sat watching Matt pace after receiving the phone call that they had known would be coming.

"I have to go," he said, finally, reaching for the shirt to pull over his chest.

"It's too dangerous," she had said.

He had reached over and cupped her face.

"I'll be back soon enough and we'll finish our conversation."

She had to smile at that.

"You mean the one where we barely got started before you kissed me," she said.

His brows rose.

"I thought you kissed me…not that I'm complaining," he said.

She had been silent after that as she went to find her clothes on the floor and got dressed. While doing so, she had sensed that something had changed but she hadn't known what, just a feeling. But the thought that overwhelmed her was that she didn't want him to go. Not by himself in a car filled with strangers to meet with more strangers over the fate of a disk that neither of them understood.

"Matt," she called.

He looked back over at her, knowing that she rarely had called him by his first name but that had changed that night. She bit her lip and he crossed the room to take her in his arms, inhaling the lilac scent of her freshly washed hair. She welcomed him in her embrace and wrapped her arms around him while his hands worked their way beneath her shirt, caressing the warm skin of her back. Finally she pushed him away and he looked at her.

"What is it," he had asked, running his hand through her hair.

"Did this mean anything to you?"

He looked at her again and found that the words couldn't find him so he kissed her again, hoping that would be enough talking.

When he had left her that night after getting dressed, she had already been pregnant but hadn't known it and neither had he. And he still didn't and she knew that she was going to have to tell him and didn't know if the words would come out the right way.

She sighed and went to put on her thick winter coat before leaving her cabin for the Brick.

---

Matt looked around the room before leaving to go to the Brick. As he walked out into the brisk air of an early evening in a mountain town, he tried to find the words to say, hoping that they wouldn't elude him.

Chapter 12

C.J. walked into the Brick but not without saying a silent prayer to herself. She almost turned around and went back to the cabin before she decided to just go inside and have dinner with him. Inside, Matt had sat at a booth and sat, waiting for her to arrive. Then he happened to look across the room and saw that she had entered the bar, dressed head to toe in wool. She removed her scarf and her coat and placed them on a hook on the nearby wall. Hollings looked up at her from the bar.

"He just got in before you did and he's waiting," he said, as he rinsed some shot glasses in the sink.

She nodded and walked over to where he sat, dressed in jeans and a cambray shirt worn over a turtleneck. He smiled up at her.

"You look…nice."

She smiled.

"Thanks," she said, "So do you."

She sat down in the booth and looked across at him. He took in the view, thinking he had never seen someone so beautiful.

"So you play Scrabble now," he said, nodding, "Sounds tame."

"It's great fun actually," she said, "We're in the middle of a tournament and I think Maggie's going to win it."

"What's the prize?"

"I'm not sure," she said, thinking, "I think it's just an excuse for the women town folk to get together and talk about the men."

Matt raised a brow.

"I see," he said, "Similar to when the men go deer hunting or ice fishing?"

She nodded.

"They'll invite you on one of their trips soon."

"So how are you doing," he asked, as the waiter handed them their menus.

"I'm doing great," she said, then spoke to the waiter, "I'll take a ginger ale please."

"I'll have a beer," Matt said, "You look really great."

"So do you," she said, "Like I said, you look a lot better alive than dead."

He looked down at his drink for a while, after the waiter delivered them.

"I'm not here to hammer you with what you did Houston," she said, "But it did impact a lot of people that you left behind."

"I had a long talk with my uncle about that and he did chew me out."

She smiled a little bit at that.

"If I had known, I'd have never left that hotel room," he said, "and you."

She sipped her ginger ale and he watched her.

"You sure you didn't want a beer?"

She smiled again.

"I'm fine," she said, "I have to get up early tomorrow."

"You have a doctor's appointment," Matt said, "I ran into that Joel Fleischman guy and he told me. Listen, are you sure he's really good? He seems nervous all the time."

"No, he's really a great…doctor," she said.

He narrowed his eyes.

"What's going here anyway," he said, "Are you sick?"

She shook her head.

"No, I'm perfectly fine."

"Then why…"

Shelli buzzed by with a tray of food and they both looked at her puzzled.

"We didn't even order yet," Matt said.

Shelli shrugged as she skillfully maneuvered the plates onto their table.

"Oh Adam's been busy in the kitchen," she said, "I'm not sure exactly what it is but it's on the house."

Both Matt and C.J. looked at each other and then smiled back at Shelli.

"Thanks," they said, as she nodded and then left to return to the television set next to the bar.

"That's really nice of them," Matt said.

"They're very nice people," C.J. said, "They've made things much easier for me since I arrived."

He started eating.

"This is delicious," he said, "Whatever it is."

C.J. dug into her food and he sat watching her.

"You're very hungry these days," he said, "not that I'm complaining."

She had lost some weight and both knew it but she knew she had a reason to eat even if he didn't. He looked at her carefully for a few moments, as she ate.

"C.J…"

She looked up at him.

"What?"

He tried to find the right words. She wondered what was making him struggle with them but didn't want to make it easier for him. No, he had to figure out how to handle the situation between them on his own.

"About that night…"

She looked at him wary.

"The night that we slept together?"

"The most wonderful night of my life, actually."

She sighed.

"Houston…we both said and did things that night that maybe were due to the stress we were under …and the assignment."

"Do you really believe that?"

She stopped to think about it. Maybe she had believed at the time that their coming together had been a accumulation of feelings that had always existed between them, that had built up over the years that they had suppressed any physical attraction they had between each other.

"I don't know," she said, "But when you died or left me, I was all by myself with all these feelings and regrets that I didn't know what to do with them. I just knew I had to go on. I had reasons to not just stop living like I wanted to so much those first days."

He heard the pain clearly in her voice in a way he hadn't because she had finally allowed him to see that part of her.

"My uncle told me what you were going through."

Clearly not all of it. But probably that she had been stricken by grief so overwhelming in nature that it almost immobilized her. And if it hadn't been for the life that they had both created that night, she didn't know if she would have ever freed herself from that enough to start anew. But now, her feelings were so mixed up because his return had turned her world back upside down and a large part of her that she kept hidden, still believed that if he could disappear once without warning, it could happen again.

"I'm not blaming you for anything that happen because as I recall, I made the first move," she said, playing with the fringes on her scarf.

He smiled.

"Whatever that happened between us has been going on so long, it's impossible to determine who started it," he said, "Besides I didn't say no to your invitation."

"No you didn't," she said, "and I thought for a moment that you would and I would just pretend that nothing had happened, that things were normal."

"Is that what you're doing now," he asked.

She almost reacted to that in denial but she stopped herself, when she saw the expression in his eyes. Taking a deep breath and exhaling, she considered his words.

"We can't go back," she said, "At least I can't…at least not right now."

He nodded.

"I understand that now," he said, "But that doesn't mean that we can't enjoy a nice dinner that's on the house."

She smiled broadly at that.

"True," she said, "and the food's great as is the company."

He reached over to take her hand in his own and she didn't stop him. Just as he hadn't stopped her that night.

---

An hour or so and a few delicious courses later, C.J. went to the Scrabble game and found that there was even more food spread out on a table while the women gathered around the table. Shelli had saved her a spot and she sat down, receiving her letters.

"So is this just for legal words or illegal ones," asked Barbara Semanski, who dropped in on Cicely to give her on and off boyfriend Maurice a hard time every once in a while.

Shelli shrugged.

"Whatever Ruth Ann says," she said, "She keeps a record of all the rules of play."

Everyone looked at the storekeeper who thought about it and then nodded so then they started the latest round of the tournament.

"I flew to Anchorage today and picked up some beauty products," Maggie volunteered as she fiddled with the letters on her rack, "So Shelli if you want to pick them up for the next spa night, they're at Ruth Ann's. Just make sure she doesn't try to sell them first."

"I wouldn't do that," Ruth Ann insisted, "Spa night is one of the highlight's of my month. I have it marked right on my calendar."

"That's cool then," Shelli nodded, "I'll set it up with Hollings next week that the Brick will be a girls' only zone on one night."

"Wait a minute," Maggie said, "Isn't Chris having a poetry reading with his brother Bernard?"

The discussion became animated at that news. Shelli closed her eyes and sighed.

"His writing is just so hot," she said, "I'll have to schedule spa night around that."

Everyone else nodded in agreement. C.J. looked at all of them and smiled.

"I wanted to thank you for the clothes," she said, "I didn't have anything."

They looked at each other and finally Marilyn spoke up.

"It was nothing," she said, "You need new clothes."

Shelli patted her own pregnant belly.

"They won't last you long," she said, "It won't be long before you start blowing up like a balloon."

"Like I told you it was the least we could do," Maggie said, "I am all for relationships with the opposite gender but the sisterhood needs to be there when they go kaputz."

"or the men die," Shelli said, "in a series of strange accidents."

Eve piped up from her corner.

"Or the man of the house, the father of my child takes off on another whirlwind culinary conference tour without even leaving me enough gas in the car to see the endocrinologist in Vancouver."

"I'm so lucky to have friends like you," C.J. said, "I felt so alone before I came here."

"But he's back," Shelli said, "Your baby's father."

C.J. shrugged.

"I know but I haven't told him," she said, "I don't know how."

"If you wait long enough, he's going to figure it out on his own," Ruth observed, "since he's made it clear he's not going anywhere."

Shelli nodded.

"He's practically set up shop at the Brick and at Ruth Ann's store," she said.

"He's waiting for me to say I'll go back to L.A. with him and I can't do that," C.J. said, "Not right now."

"I think he just wants to know that you're into him," Shelli said, "Because he sure seems to be into you."

C.J. had figured out that part but didn't know if that would be enough for her or their baby.

"It's just that I don't know at this point how he feels about what is between us," she said, "I want to know that he'll be there for us and not leave again."

"Had he ever left before," Eve asked, putting on her pair of glasses and pulling out a notepad and pen.

"Well no," C.J. said, "Well except when he was a fugitive being framed for murder but he couldn't help that. Besides I got shot when we were inside this building that got burned down."

Shelli shook her head.

"You do leave an exciting life," she said, "This is better than those telenovelas."

"It's part of our work with the agency," C.J. said, "and I've loved most of it but I've got another life that's depending on me to make the best decisions for both of us."

"And that doesn't involve him," Shelli said, "I mean I leave Hollings out of the simple things but the major stuff…no way, he's my guy even if we're not married or anything."

"I would never leave him out of his child's life," C.J. said, "or any decisions but as for my life…"

"You want to be sure he's going to be there for you and not flake out," Maggie said, nodding, "That sounds smart to me. You can't give the guy in the relationship too much control."

C.J. rubbed her forehead.

"Houston's not like that," she said, "He's always respected my ability to make decisions. Business or otherwise."

Ruth Ann put her letters down on the board, spelling out a huge scoring word.

"Wow Ruth Ann," Shelli said, "That's going to get you some major points."

"That's because I'm focusing on the game not someone else's personal life," Ruth Ann said, reaching for a cookie.

"Six sessions of psychoanalysis might help you with your issues," Eve said, nodding, "preferably on a couch."

"It's a couch that got me in this situation," Shelli said, sighing as she placed her hand on her abdomen, "Well Hollings, me and a couch."

C.J. rubbed her eyes.

"I'm going to tell him," she said, "I just have to find the right time and the right words."

"'You're going to be a father' usually works quite well," Ruth Ann said, "It's a place to start."

Maggie snorted.

"Those words would have sent any of my dead boyfriends off running so fast…"

C.J. frowned.

"Oh he's not like that," she said, "In fact, I think he'll probably insist on doing the proper thing and getting married."

"That can work," Shelli said, "if you find the right wedding planner."

"I don't want to get married," C.J. said, "At least not because I got too caught up in the moment to even protect myself."

Maggie rolled her eyes.

"It takes two to tango and both parties have that responsibility if something happens not just the woman."

Shelli snorted.

"It's the woman who has to carry the rug rat for nine months," she said, "Varicose veins, back aches and my bladder…excuse me I'll be right back."

Shelli waddled off.

"I guess that's what you have to look forward to," Maggie said, "I'm sure glad it's not me…no offense."

C.J. fidgeted with her letters.

"Actually once I got over the shock, I was very happy," she said, "I still am. I want this baby. I just want to be able to figure out how it all fits together."

Ruth Ann chuckled.

"In a very messy way," she said, "That's how relationships usually are and it doesn't change when the children come along."

---

Matt sat in the Brick, having pulled some files out of his satchel and begun working on them. If he finished up these invoices, he would be able to fax them to Murray's from Ruth Ann's store when it opened in the morning. His eyes grew tired after a while and he closed the one he had been reviewing and ordered another beer.

He thought his dinner with C.J. had gone very well. She had been wary of him still, but he could feel the control she had over her feelings melting slowly. And that left him feeling hopeful, but still he knew she was holding back from him in some way, in some very important way. Looking up, he saw Joel and Ed enter the bar.

"Dr. Fleischman, you should really see all of Martin's movies to appreciate them," Ed said, "Including his earlier works."

Joel frowned.

"Martin's from the old neighborhood near where mine," he said, "I used to sneak off to the matinee during Bar Mitzvah classes to check out his movies."

"Wow Dr. Fleischman," Ed said, nodding approvingly, "I didn't know that."

"Ed, there's very little about me that you do know."

The budding filmmaker couldn't argue with that and after they got their drinks from Hollings, they walked over to where Matt sat with his files.

"What are you still doing here," Joel said, "I heard you had dinner with C.J. How did it go?"

Matt raised his brows at the doctor.

"I'm only interested of course in a clinical sense as her attending physician."

"Who can't tell me why she needs a doctor in the first place," Matt finished.

"Look you know I can't violate the oath that I took," Joel said, "even if I wanted to tell you, I can't. Besides it's up to her to choose who she shares that type of personal information with."

Matt's eyes narrowed.

"What type of personal information?"

Joel and Ed looked at each other and then Joel smiled, shaking his head.

"Oh no that's not going to work," he said, "Nothing's going to make me…"

"Violate the Hippocratic oath," Matt said, "I understand that."

"You do? Really?"

Matt nodded.

"Whatever is going on, she'll tell me when the time is right," he said.

"Just remember that," Joel said, "What are you still doing here?"

Matt looked down at his stack of files.

"Finishing this stack of work so I can catch up," he said, "I was gone for a couple of months and things piled up in my absence."

"We're going to a planning meeting for the party next week," Ed said, "It's the men's turn to host it this time."

"Party?"

Ed nodded.

"To celebrate the middle of winter," he said, "It should be fun."

Joel sighed.

"It's something to do to pass the time," he said, "Reduce the visits to my office from cabin fever."

Matt thought about it and then nodded.

"Okay."

He put his files away and the three men walked to the coat racks. Hollings looked up from the bar.

"I'll see you at the Elks' lodge in a few after I clean up here," he said.

Matt, Ed and Joel put on their coats and walked out into the frigid air.

Chapter 13

Matt looked around the room at the Elks' lodge which as it turned out was just down the street from the Brick. The temperature had dropped a few degrees and Matt had been glad that he had packed his thickest parka for his sojourn to America's last frontier.

Chris looked up when they arrived and seemed very happy to see the three men who took some available seats.

"You made it just in time," he said, "We were just discussing refreshments."

Ed nodded.

"What about Hollings," he suggested, "He's on his way as soon as he closes up."

The other men nodded and Chris wrote a notation in his notebook.

"Great idea Ed," he said, "My brother Bernard will be coming down to give a poetry reading next week and will be bringing some friends who will provide entertainment."

Maurice piped up.

"Don't tell me it's going to be any of that touchy feely new agey music," he said, shaking his head, "because then yo u can count me out."

"Maurice I'm glad you brought that up," Chris responded, "No, it's going to be an eclectic mixture of different musical disciplines."

"How about folk tunes," one man said from the back.

Chris nodded and waved his arms.

"That's good," he said, approvingly, "Keep those ideas coming. Just let your mind flow."

Joel turned to Ed.

"He's really thrown himself into this wholeheartedly."

Ed nodded.

"Yes," he said, "He's the perfect organizer for this party. We pick him every year."

---

Matt listened to the meeting half heartedly as his mind began to wonder. Part of him wanted to grab Joel and force the truth about her medical conditon out of him but the rest of him realized that he would have to wait for C.J. to tell him herself. He knew he had a lot of road to travel before she would trust him again. Still, he was willing to do whatever it took on her time table to convince her that he was here to stay. Murray had thrown a fit on the other end of the phone line when Matt had notified him that he had decided to extend his stay in Cicely. But once Matt had explained it to his corporate president, Murray had calmed down and taken a deep breath, telling him to do what he needed to do before returning to L.A. The problem was that Matt didn't know when that would be given C.J.'s reluctance to leave Ciceley including her new friends who had stepped forward and taken care of her when he couldn't. There hadn't been a moment when he was dead to her and the rest of the world when he hadn't thought about her and the night they had spent together before their world had blown apart. When repaying his rescuers for his life, he had wondered about her but even when he finally had paid off his debt and returned home, he had been shocked to realize she had left town.

"This is really not my idea of a great time," Joel grumbled next to him, looking at his watch.

Matt looked at him.

"You don't like parties?"

Joel smiled easily.

"I like brie and wine and fine music," he said, "I'm a city guy."

Matt shook his head at the doctor. How could anyone be surrounded by such quiet beauty as the Alaskan wilderness that spread endlessly outside the town's limit and complain about it? Matt knew it probably wasn't easy to be in hock to the state of Alaska for four years but the people there had paid for Joel's medical schooling and the least he could do was give back something to them.

"I wonder what the women are doing," Joel asked.

Ed shrugged.

"Playing Scrabble?"

"No I mean what are they talking about," Joel said, "I bet you the Scrabble tournament they've got going is just a guise so they can sit around and talk about us men."

Ed nodded.

"Could be."

Joel continued onward with his diatribe.

"I wonder what O'Connell is saying," he said, "She better not be telling them about what happened between us during the music festival last month."

Ed looked over at him.

"Oh when you two kissed."

Joel looked at him in shock.

"How do you know about you," he said, "Did she…"

Ed shook his head.

"I just knew."

Joel looked skeptical.

"I bet the whole town knows about it," he said.

"Only a quarter," Ed said, "Maybe half."

Joel threw up his hands.

"Oh great."

Chris called to them from the front of the room.

"Joel, you have a suggestion for the decorations?"

"Oh no…I was just…stretching."

Chris nodded and then moved onto the next hand. Joel slouched in his seat, then looked over at Matt.

"What," he said, "Don't tell me you're not curious about what C.J.'s telling the tribe of women about you."

Matt shook his head.

"It's up to her what to say," he said, "including about us."

Joel scoffed.

"Yeah right," he said.

"Yes right," Matt said, "It's about trusting someone."

"It's about not letting the woman get the upper hand on you," Joel said, "and watching your back."

Matt just looked at him, thinking that the excitable doctor had a lot to learn about women but then realized he couldn't judge him too harshly after what he had put C.J. through during the past several months. She had ever right to be wary of him and he had a lot to prove to her before she could trust him again. But he felt that their dinner together had been a good start, something to build upon in the days to come.

---

C.J. laughed as she and the other women cleaned up the Scrabble game and the remnants of their refreshments. Eve went to check on her baby, muttering about any germs that might have been in the vicinity and Shelli finally listened to her friends who told her to sit down and rest while they finished setting the room just right again.

"I think I'm about to explode," Shelli said, with a sigh.

Ruth Ann chuckled.

"You've still got a while yet," she said, "before you really feel like you are going to burst."

"My bladder's just about there," Shelli said, hoisting herself on her feet to head to relieve it again.

Ruth Ann and C.J. watched her go.

"Hollings is really excited about the baby," the older woman said, "He may seem old but he comes from a long line of people who have lived to a ripe old age."

C.J. had seen the excitement in the bar owner's face any time Shelli was close by.

"He's been very nice," she said, "and he seems to think the world of her."

"It's always been like that," Ruth Ann said, "since she arrived in Cicely with Maurice."

C.J. had heard several renditions of that story which had clearly become part of the town's folklore, about what had begun as some sort of love triangle although the three of them had evidently worked it out between them.

"Matt's been quite the fixture at the store," Ruth Ann commented.

"He's been trying to get his work done on his business from here," C.J. said, "The president of the company has been driving him crazy."

Ruth Ann paused for bit.

"Are you ever going to let him off the hook?"

C.J. looked at her, startled.

"I don't expect anything from him," she said, "I just want to be sure I can trust him again. I have our baby to think of now, not myself."

"He should know that."

C.J. sighed.

"I'm going to tell him soon," she said, "It's just that I want to be sure that he's not going to leave again."

"It sounds like he couldn't help it," Ruth Ann said, "that he didn't have any choice."

C.J. knew that Ruth Ann was right. The men who saved Matt's life hadn't given him any choice but to repay them in kind with a favor, one that had exacted a high price, perhaps higher than Matt had envisioned when he had agreed to the terms.

"I spent every morning by his grave site," C.J. said, "hoping it was all some terrible mistake. That he wasn't really gone."

"It must have been difficult."

"Some mornings I didn't even want to get up and go to the grave site," she said, "I stopped working and I couldn't sleep without dreaming about the night the car exploded…"

"Grief can be a very personal thing," Ruth Ann said, "You dealt with it the best that you could. That's all anyone can do."

C.J. nodded.

"Then I wasn't feeling well and I figured it was from the stress of losing him," she said, "I finally went to a doctor and found out I was pregnant."

"Being alone and pregnant must have been an adjustment."

"It turned out to be a good thing," C.J. said, "It got me back on my feet and reminded me that even though he was dead, I wasn't and I had my life to live."

"But he's come all the way up to Cicely to find you," she said, "That must mean something."

C.J. nodded again.

"I know he didn't have any choice when he let me think he was dead for two months," she said, "but what about next time? If he's going to be in my life, I really need him to be there."

---

Matt looked at his watch. The meeting had dragged out another hour or two while Chris quizzed everyone about how the party venue should be decorated and what everyone should be fed. Ed had offered to premiere one of his shorter films that he had just finished editing and a group of loggers offered to lend the services of their amateur barbershop group. Maurice had come close to stomping out several times but was reined in by Hollings who had arrived just in time to shame him into staying by pulling out and playing a historical card against him.

But while that was going on and with Joel muttering next to him about the Scrabble Tournament that really wasn't, Matt had been thinking about C.J. and wishing that she wasn't keeping it at arm's length. He understood why as he kept telling himself, but he missed her. He knew on that last evening they had spent together, she had been waiting for him to say something, before he left and he hadn't said it. Part of him had been focusing on the mission but the truth of it was that most of him still was awed by what they had just shared together. The mission had to come first for both of them but he had intended to return afterward and pick up where they left off. She had understood what he had told her as they parted without knowing the depth of his feelings.

He had to fix now what he had done then and still didn't know how to do that.

---

C.J. tossed and turned in her sleep later at the cabin. She had made her usual herbal tea before settling down for the night. She felt tired but in a more pleasant way and curled up with her book for a while on the sofa in front of a fire before calling it a night.

After they had dressed, they left the motel and went outside into the coolness of the early morning air. He had taken her hand in his and had thrown his bag over his other shoulder and they waited for the car to arrive to pick him up. She felt a sudden rush of apprehension.

"Are you sure you're going to be safe," she said, "We don't really know who these people are and their agendas."

He heard the concern in her voice that she tried to hide with a smile and put his arm around her shoulders. She leaned her head against his shoulder.

"It's going to be fine," he said, "I want to do this so we can get it done and put it behind us and go on with our lives."

She had smiled then.

"That sounds nice," she said, "but what does that mean exactly?"

He looked at her knowing what she had asked him.

"You mean do we go back to the lives we left," he asked, "or do we continue with what we've just started?"

She had nodded then.

"I don't know if I can go back to the way things were," she said, "I think I want more than that."

He stroked her hair back from her face.

"You'll get no argument from me," he said, "What we shared last night was very special."

"I think so too," she said, "but I don't want to lose you."

"You won't," he promised, "and we have the chance to really build a new life."

She felt the tears sting her eyes and he moved his fingers to brush them away. She grabbed himself and wrapped her arms around him, drawing him in so she could kiss him. When their lips met, everything else slipped away and all they saw was each other and what they felt. They didn't even hear the car arrive at first.

When someone called to him from inside the vehicle, he turned away reluctantly.

"I love you," she had said to him.

"Just remember that because I'll be back," he said.

Then they kissed goodbye again and he walked towards the car while she watched him, with both happiness and fear dancing inside her heart.

---

C.J. woke up with a start and looked around her into the darkness, not remembering where she was at first. Then the familiarity of the room hit her. She lay back on the bed, her heart still beating quickly and stared at the ceiling for a while before she could return to sleep.

---

Matt didn't get much sleep when he returned to his room. He had left the others and had walked towards the building where he was staying, deep in thought.

He remembered back to stepping inside the vehicle and looking at the two men in the seat in front of him. They had started to leave and one of them began telling him where they were going when suddenly the vehicle shook violently and a flash of heat and bright light had hit them. Matt's last thoughts had been at that point that he had forgotten to tell C.J. he had loved her.

Chapter 14

Matt sat up straight in his bed at the hotel, the covers gathered around his waist. Remembering that last night they had spent together, he knew that he should have answered her admission of love much better than he had done. He knew the words hadn't come easy for her because she had fought the sexual tension that had existed between them for years off harder than he did. She had kept the boundaries of their relationship more fixed, afraid to jeopardize their long-time friendship by crossing that line that had existed between them.

He had been amazed that she had changed her mind that night and had returned his kiss so eagerly and had done some exploring of her own with her hands, matching him inch by inch in terms of her caresses. After he had asked her one more time if she were sure, she had answered him by unbuttoning her shirt exposing her lacy bra. He had taken one look and had thought he had gone to heaven. Even now when he remembered how it had felt when their bodies had come together, his skin became flushed and deep inside his heart, ached. He saw the pain that he caused her each time he looked into her eyes, even when she hid it with a smile.

---

C.J. tossed and turned in her sleep, not reliving the night of the explosion but other times that followed. The morning that she sat in the doctor's office waiting for the doctor to come back with the results of her tests. Her doctor had said nothing about her lost weight or her eyes which appeared bruised from lack of sleep. But she had looked at C.J. and with a soft smile had told her that she was pregnant. After she had left, C.J. had sat on the examination table for a while for the news to sink in through her grief. The doctor had returned to give her a list of things she needed to do during her pregnancy and C.J. had stuck to it. She had gone out to his grave in the cemetery the next day to tell him. And then afterward she had made the decision to leave L.A. and start a new life.

She woke up from her slumber and sighed, as she saw that it still remained dark inside of her room. Wrapping the comforter around her, she got up to make herself some more tea. She steeped it and then poured it inside a mug, taking it into her bedroom. Drinking it, she thought about what the future held for herself and her child. When Matt had been killed or so she thought right in front of her, the world she had known had flipped upside down. When she had found out the night they had shared had left her pregnant, she tried to restore some stability to her life. Coming to Cicely had restored her belief that she could forge a life for them both in a community that welcomed her with no questions asked.

And then her child's father had returned from the dead and back into her life.

She finished her tea and lay back on her bed, burying herself with her blankets again. She felt that her dinner with him had gone well. She had been tempted several times to tell him about the baby but some part of her held her back, kept the words from being said. Even though a part of her wanted nothing more than to be wrapped in his warm embrace while she slept.

---

Matt woke up with a start, noticing that a bright shaft of light shone through his window. He got out of bed and headed for the shower. The last round of invoices waited on the table to be finished and faxed to Murray and he hoped to get that out of the way earlier enough in the day so that he could spend more time with C.J. After he got dressed, he put on his thick coat and grabbed his work and headed off to the Brick for breakfast. A crowd of loggers had come in earlier and were just finishing up their morning stacks of pancakes with molasses on top and a side of eggs. Matt sat down and Shelli came to his table.

"You're up bright and early," she said, handing him a worn menu.

He ordered and she jotted it down on a ticket.

"I'll have that ready for you real soon," Shelli said, "The logging crowd is just about ready to head on out of here."

He looked around.

"It's busy like this a lot?"

She nodded.

"This time of year it's the loggers," she said, "In spring, it will be the hunting crowd."

He sipped some coffee.

"Has C.J. been by here yet?"

"She's scheduled to meet with Ed and Maurice a little later," Shelli said, "She's probably getting some more rest this morning."

"Was she really tired last night?"

Shelli shrugged.

"It's still early…early in the morning I mean, she might be feeling tired."

Matt thought to ask something but decided not to, focusing on his coffee mug.

"Is she having a meeting?"

"It's being called by Maurice," Shelli said with a sigh, "He's supposed to be handling the money part while Ed's the artist but Maurice is being Maurice."

"Likes to involve himself in every part of a project?"

"Boy does he ever," Shelli said, "He was like that when I met him. Totally out of control."

Matt's mouth curled up in a smile.

"C.J. can handle him," he said, "She can handle anyone."

"Maurice fancied her when she first arrived," Shelli said, "but I think she told him where to park it."

Matt raised his brows at that. Shelli noticed that.

"Oh they weren't serious or anything like that," she said, "She was obviously heavy into some other guy."

"She's an amazing woman," Matt said, "Any man would be lucky to have someone like her in his life."

Shelli noticed the wistful tone in his voice.

"But you're that guy."

He looked at her, taking in her words. Two months ago that might have been true but now, he didn't feel so certain. He had a lot of ground still to make up with her but at least it appeared he had plenty of time to work on that.

---

C.J. had rushed out of the cabin and hurried down to the Brick after having overslept that morning. She had fallen back to sleep after drinking her tea and had gotten up later than she usually did. After donning a pair of the jeans that had been donated and wearing a long sweater, she went to meet Ed in the Brick.

Maurice had already arrived and appeared to be trying to sell Ed on some new plan of his and C.J. joined them.

"Now Ed I'm sure that it's not going to be hard to change the ending of your little film," he said, "We need something a little bit more commercial."

C.J. turned to Maurice.

"Says who," she said, "Independent art films are very big now in the industry."

"That might be little lady," Maurice said, "But if we want to draw people in from Anchorage, we'll need to inject some gimmicks."

She shook her head.

"No you don't," she said, "Like I told you before, you put on a good movie and word of mouth will bring people down to Cicely to see it."

"Little lady…"

C.J. shot him a direct look.

"Stop calling me that."

Maurice looked at Ed.

"You sure got yourself a live one here Ed."

Ed shrugged.

"I think she's right," he said, "I think we should do it her way."

The former astronaut looked taken aback.

"Excuse me," he said, "I've got an extensive background in marketing and public relations beginning with being a pioneer with NASA."

"I like what she said."

Maurice shook his head at the two of them.

"It's your film," he said, "but it's my money backing it. I won't edit your movie so don't tell me how to run my side of it."

Ed looked back at C.J.

"He's got a point."

C.J. ran her hand through her hair and leaned back in her seat.

"Okay, but I think you're going to be spending much more money than is needed," she said.

"It's my money missy," he insisted.

She held onto her patience…barely.

"Maurice, I have a name…"

He shook his head.

"No what you have is an attitude," he said, "It's going to take quite a patient man to tame you."

"I'll keep that in mind," she said, dryly, closing the notebook, "Ed excuse me."

She got up and turned around to leave, and collided right into Matt who had been standing there. He caught her by placing his hands on her shoulders.

"Easy," he said, "You nearly knocked me over."

"I...I'm sorry."

His hands felt really good where they were and she knew they would other places too, but she had to catch her breath before it got away from her and go get her things.

"Excuse me…"

She started to pull away from him.

"Where you heading off to," he asked.

She looked up at him still a bit harried.

"I'm going with Ed to pick up the sound system from Chris," she said, "then we're going to finish editing some of the footage."

He nodded.

"Sounds like a busy morning…"

She smiled.

"Are you free this afternoon," he asked.

She thought about it.

"I've got to help Dave the cook with some adoption forms he's filling out," she said, "He's got to mail them today."

"What about dinner," he pressed.

She tilted her head.

"You're being persistent today," she noted, "Making up for lost time?"

"C.J…"

She put her hands up.

"No look I'm sorry," she said, "But it's taking some getting used to, to see you again. Not that I'm complaining."

He smiled.

"Just remember that when I pick you up for dinner tonight."

She hesitated.

"Why don't you come to my place," she said, "I've got some leftover venison I can cook up."

Matt loved venison, she knew. It brought him back memories of the time he had spent hunting with his father and uncle when he had been a young boy growing up in southern Texas. She bit her lip as he appeared to think about it…for about two seconds.

"Sure," he said, "I'll bring some wine."

She hedged.

"…Okay," she said, "I could get some beer if you'd rather have that instead."

"No, I think wine's better," he said, "to celebrate this special occasion."

She paused and then nodded.

"Okay I'll see you at seven," she said.

He nodded and then went to pick up his stack of folders to take to Ruth Ann's. C.J. watched him go shaking his head and then took off with Ed.

---

Later, C.J. sat at the Brick waiting for Dave to finish washing dishes so she could help him with his paperwork. Shelli and Hollings had gone to see Joel to check on the status of her pregnancy now that they were in the homestretch. C.J. caressed her own abdomen wondering what it would be like for her when she was in her final month of pregnancy. Would Matt be there too, she thought and then shook her head for even asking the question. Of course he would be, if he even knew about it. She knew she had to tell him soon but every time she thought about doing that, she felt doubt. Not that he wouldn't embrace the news happily but that he would feel as if he had to put his exciting life on hold for her and their baby. She knew a part of him, a huge part, craved the adventurous life they had carved for themselves when they started the investigative agency in L.A. and then took it up full-time handing off the corporation to Murray. Matt had done that without looking back and although she loved working with him, she knew that now her life had changed. She wanted to raise her child and not worry about his or her father not coming home one night. After that, she had been there, done that, which had given her plenty of empty nights to consider it.

"Still thinking about how you're going to tell him," a feminine voice spoke next to her.

C.J. looked up as Maggie slid into the chair across from her.

"I don't know how you do it," she marveled, "You got a law degree from one of the top Ivy League schools and you ran one of the top Fortune 500 companies and then gave that up to become a private eye."

C.J. smiled at the other woman.

"I can't believe that you found yourself leaving Michigan to come to Alaska and become a successful bush pilot," she said, "That's a rarity for women."

Maggie chuckled.

"I can't believe it either," she said, "My mother's never really come to terms with it or forgiven me. I think that's why she burned my house down."

C.J. frowned.

"I thought it was an accident," she said, "Faulty wiring."

Maggie shrugged.

"Oh that was the official cause according to the fire marshal," she said, "but I know my mother."

C.J. looked at her hands.

"I never really knew mine."

Maggie raised her brows at her.

"She died when you were young?"

C.J. nodded.

"In a car accident with my father," she said, "I was at my grandmother's waiting for them to pick me up."

"That must have been very painful."

"For a long time it was," she said, "but I grew to love Texas and that's where I met Matt."

Maggie picked up the affection in C.J.'s voice.

"You love him."

C.J. looked up at her startled at first and then nodded.

"Yeah I do," she said, "I told him so."

"How did he handle it?"

"He said he'd be back."

---

Matt faxed the last of his papers and picking up his coat, he took everything up to where Ruth sat behind the counter in her store.

"How much do I owe you," he asked.

She told him and he handed her his credit card.

"So how is the work going," she said, "I imagine the scenery's much prettier here than in a large city."

Matt nodded.

"This is beautiful country," he agreed, "They say this is the last frontier in our country."

"It will stay that way in my lifetime," Ruth-Ann said, "if we can just rein in Maurice when he gets one of his grandiose ideas to bring strip malls to Cicely."

"It's fine just the way it is," Matt said, "You'd have to be a fool not to see that."

Ruth-Ann laughed.

"That's what I keep telling Maurice," she said, "but he doesn't listen to women much."

"C.J. handled him well this morning."

"She usually does," Ruth-Ann said, "She's a very intelligent woman who knows how to handle herself."

"Sometimes she doesn't want anyone to help her," he said, "even when she needs it."

Ruth-Ann looked at him.

"Like now," she said, "I think she has to get used to seeing you around again."

"That's what she said."

"Matt, this has got to be a big adjustment for her," she said, "Now it's in a good way but she needs to trust that you'll be there for her when she needs you."

"She knows I'd never…," he said, "But I did leave her."

"She thought you were dead," Ruth-Ann said, "It must have been a shock just seeing you again, never mind all the questions."

"She had plenty of those."

"What are your plans," Ruth Ann said.

"To get back into my life," Matt said, "and C.J.'s a huge part of that."

"Does she know that?"

Matt thought about that for a moment.

"I think so," he said, "I think she just has trouble believing it."

---

Dave and C.J. spent nearly two hours reviewing the required paperwork for him to adopt his nephew. They had just finished when Joel walked up to the table.

"So you're really going through with it," he asked.

Dave looked him over and nodded.

"It's the right thing to do."

"And your family is cool with it," Joel said.

"He's spent the past year living with us," Dave explained, "This is to make it official with the state. He will always be part of our family."

Joel nodded approvingly.

"That's…good," he said, "How's his asthma?"

"The medicine's helped."

C.J. smiled at Dave.

"I guess we're finished here," she said, "I've got to head on back to the cabin. I've got a dinner guest."

Joel examined her curiously.

"You've invited him over for dinner to tell him?"

C.J. looked at her hands.

"If the time's right," she said, "when he's sitting down."

Joel narrowed his eyes.

"If you don't tell him soon, you'll be able to show him instead."

C.J. knew that soon enough her pregnancy would be more visible including to Matt.

"I want to be sure he's come back for the right reasons."

Dave and Joel looked at each other.

"He's come back from the dead," Joel said, "Some might say that shows some serious commitment to a woman."

"He might miss what he's given up."

"He'll be too busy with his child," Joel said, "to miss it very much."

C.J. thought about that as she stood in the kitchen preparing the venison. She had changed out of her clothes into a wool dress and had stood in front of the mirror including in profile before shaking her head and realizing that at least for now she looked like she always had. Well except for increasing a cup size on top which she flattered with a new bra she had picked up on the way home.

She had just been ready to take the venison out of the oven and the roasted potatoes off of the stove when she heard knocking on her door. She opened it and saw Matt on the front step holding a bottle of wine which she took into the kitchen. He looked her over in her dress and his brows knit. Something about the woman he had known most of his life appeared different but he couldn't figure out what. She watched him watching her and then broke into a smile and reached out her hand to lead him into the living room.

Then she stood there trying to figure out what to do or say next.

Chapter 15

C.J. stood in the living room of her cabin, staring at the man in front of her unsure of how to proceed next. She wanted to sit him down and tell him about her pregnancy but each time she felt the urge to do so, something still remained in her way.

Matt just looked at the woman in front of him and marveled at her beauty. Even the uncertainty he read in her face didn't change that in his mind. He wished she would trust him but he knew that he still needed to travel a bit further down the road before he could fully earn it. Still, she looked so lovely dressed in her wool dress which showed off her shapely form as it hugged it, and offered a glimpse of her long legs. She accentuated the dress with two hair clips which set her hair off of her face. Smiling at him, she shook her head.

"What are you looking at," she asked.

"That dress…"

"I bought it here," she said, "You like it?"

Matt nodded without speaking. She noticed him studying her, his brows still knit.

"There's something that's…"

"Different," she asked, "I don't think so. I'm the same woman you've always known."

Somehow he doubted that but nodded again, in satisfaction with her answer. He handed her the wine bottle. She looked at it for a moment while holding it in her hands.

"It'll go well with the venison," he said, "which smells great."

She walked into the kitchen to put the wine out and check on the meat and the potato dish.

"I wanted to make a salad," she said, "but fresh vegetables are scarce here this time of year."

"This is great," he said, "You must have been busy…"

She shook her head, chuckling.

"The venison just needed to be heated," she said, "Maggie brought it over the other night."

"Hollings told me that they do a lot of deer hunting in these parts," Matt said, "Reminded me of when I was growing up on the ranch."

Matt had bonded with his father and uncle on their hunting trips. C.J. hadn't gone with them even when invited, understanding that sometimes it was important for men to have their outings separate from the women in their lives. So she had stayed behind with Roy's wife Flo and the other hunting widows. She and Matt hadn't been anything but best friends at the time even as the other women teased her about whether or not they would ever get a clue and get together. She had laughed it off, saying that they were more than content to remain friends but she knew now that fear had been a driving force in keeping them from exploring that avenue. Trepidation that if they took their relationship to a different level, a more physical one, that if it didn't work out, it would ruin their tight friendship. Still, she would be lying if she said she hadn't been tempted. Sometimes when she and Matt had taken off on trips, or more often when they had planned to do so and fate threw a wrench in their business or vacation plans.

Like the day she had been set to go to Asia with Matt to meet Murray to broker a new business deal for Houston Enterprises. Two weeks together mixing business and pleasure in some exotic countries on their itinerary and maybe…but two hit men had crashed into her life at that point, intent on killing her. She had taken an ancient station wagon belonging to one of the ranch hands to pick up her luggage, her ears still stinging from Matt's casual joke about needing to hitch a horse trailer to it to accommodate her baggage. She would show him…she thought driving through the windy road to her place. Then two men, looking like Laurel and Hardy had shown up trying to kill her. She had seen them after she had fled the burning hulk of the car after having been forced off the road, fire one last final shot into the car's gas tank and said that took care of her and two of her sorority sisters as if they had been checking off some macabre party list.

Matt had shown up in time to take her to the hospital and then the two of them had to spend their time trying to solve the mystery of why those two men had been hired to kill her and a crew of her locally based sorority sisters. So any plans for going to the Far East and pushing the envelope of her relationship with Matt had to be put aside and she stashed her Victoria's Secret lingerie out of her suitcase and back in her closet.

Oh and then there had been the time that she and Matt had taken his Lear Jet to go check out a vacation resort in the Bahamas and were looking forward to a week of well…checking out a business investment. Right…actually she had planned to well, see what happened while the two of them spent a week relaxing on the beach surrounded by a gorgeous ocean which matched the color of the turquoise blue sky. Of course that hadn't happened because while en route with visions of her vacation drifting through her head, the plane had been hijacked by a vengeful terrorist who had blamed Matt for the arrest of his son, a professional assassin. So instead of nights spent dancing under a gorgeous moon nestled amid a carpet of stars, she had been held hostage by the terrorist while Matt tried to spring his son from jail by recanting his statement.

There were at least a half dozen times her attempts to try to inject some romance into their relationship had gone awry, so much so that she had given up, taking all these interruptions as proof that their relationship wasn't meant to be anything more but the comfortable friendship they had forged all these years.

---

C.J. had taken his coat and hung it up while Matt had tended to the venison. He knew from the tantalizing smell that it would be delicious, but not nearly as much so as the woman trying to make the evening perfect for him. He hid a smile, watching her moving around getting dishes out of the cupboard and some rather impressive looking crystal glasses out for the wine. She poured him a glass and handed it to him while she went to the refrigerator to pour herself some ginger ale. He raised his brow at her.

"My stomach's been a little queasy," she said, "I don't feel like wine tonight."

He shrugged but inside he wondered but they sat down at the table that she had set up nice and pretty for their dinner. She always looked beautiful no matter what she wore, he thought. He had long been attracted to his best friend but had behaved himself around her when she had made it clear to him that she didn't want to jeopardize their close friendship with the complications that came when men and women injected sex into the equation. Matt had never been convinced that if the two of them had decided to take their relationship in that direction that it necessarily spelled disaster. Life had always been filled with risks to take and he had never backed away from pushing the envelope in all areas of it…except this one with her.

Oh, there had been some close calls, like when they had been sitting on that grassy pasture next to his ranch house competing in a frog jumping contest. She had ensured that his beloved frog, Rupert would win by enticing the lovelorn amphibian with his female counterpart hidden inside a bag. When she had pulled her out and Matt had seen the pretty bow tied around the frog, he had nearly lost it right there. He had settled for stealing a kiss from his friend on some pretense that sounded as flimsy now as it had back then. He wondered if she had seen through it, even his attempts to hide it with a joke. If Bo and Lamar hadn't been there…well it's easy now to say what might or might not have happened between them.

And when she had handled his teasing over the luggage she had planned to bring to that business junket in the Far East a while back by launching a deft counter offensive, he had wondered if that business trip couldn't be different than those in the past. He had been planning on broaching that topic when they were on the airplane traveling overseas, but fate had stuck two professional hit men in their paths who had been intent on killing C.J. so she couldn't attend the wedding of her former sorority housemother. Of course, he couldn't allow that to happen and the both of them with some help had figured out who hired the hit men and why. They never did end up taking that trip and life had continued onward, their friendship still going strong. But he had wondered what had happened if they had gone on that trip and he had told her that he had wanted more than friendship. What would have happened?

Then there had been that time she had told him that she had loved him…while bleeding from a bullet wound in her shoulder. He had faced arrest for a crime he hadn't committed to get her to the hospital so that her life would be saved but he had never responded to the gauntlet she had laid down before him. Oh wait, yes he had by nearly marrying another woman before she left him at the altar about a year ago.

"Would you like some more potatoes," she asked.

He looked at her and saw that she held the serving bowl in her hands. He nodded and she handed it to him so he could scoop himself another serving of the delicious dish.

"Houston…"

He put the bowl back down.

"What?"

She looked down at her hands.

"How do you feel about thing now?"

He looked into her eyes which betrayed some wariness and knew he had to tread more cautiously than his heart wanted to do.

"I'm so happy to be here with you again," he said, "even if it's in the coldest spot on earth."

He wasn't cold now, because she had built a fire that he had helped build up into a wall of warmth by some wood he had brought into the house while she had put the finishing touches on the food.

"Me too," she said, "I missed you so much these months."

Guilt tugged at him again.

"I can never tell you how sorry I am about everything," he said, "but I'm going to make it up to you."

She listened to him, her heart melting once again at the earnestness of his voice.

"I know you want to," she said, "It's just…"

"That you have to trust that I'm not going to leave you," he said, "I promise you that I won't."

She sighed after she sipped at her ginger ale.

"I know that's what you want now…"

He reached for her hand and held it in both of his larger ones.

"I want that much longer than just now," he said, "I want a future with you in it."

She bit her lip.

"I want that too," she said, "but that night when I said I loved you…"

He remembered the softness in her eyes when she had spoken those words, the ones which had eluded him when she most needed to hear them.

"I told you I'd be back," he said, "when I should have told you that I loved you too."

Her heart swelled at that, but she wondered how he felt now months later. She needed to know that before she shared her news with him.

"Houston…"

He still held her hand.

"I met to tell you those words that night," he said, "Everything happened so fast."

She couldn't argue with that. One moment they had been the friends they had been since they were little kids, the next they had been wrapped up in each other before he gently pushed her on the bed. She had said the words herself before she could take them back and he had done what men of action often did, he showed her his feelings.

"I know," she said, "but I wouldn't take it back, would you?"

He shook his head, pushing his plate aside.

"Leaving you then was the hardest…"

She stood up and cleared the table of their plates. He moved to help her and she finally let him.

"You don't have to tell me that," she said, "I know…"

She looked at him while standing next to the sink, looking suddenly shy. Her cheeks were tinted pink as she reached for the wine bottle.

"Would you like another glass?"

He gently removed it from her hand and then reached for her. She didn't fight him but fell into his embrace as he wrapped his arms around her and drew her closer. She looked into his brown eyes lit up by eagerness mixed with uncertainty, such that it touched her deep inside. That a man of such action and definitive purpose would be suddenly unsure in her presence.

So she made the next move when she wrapped arms in return and pulled him closer until their lips met. Gently at first like petals touching her skin and then more hungrily. She closed her eyes at that and inhaled his cologne and his unique scent. He picked her up suddenly and she found herself against the kitchen counter. She ran her hands through his hair, caressing it as he moved his hands towards the back of her wool dress. She sighed softly as she heard and then felt him pull the zipper of her dress down, exposing her back. There, his fingers touched her skin. She threw her head back and then she remembered.

"Houston…"

He kept stroking her back with his fingers, fiddling with her bra strap. She had been about to tell him it clasped in the front when sanity returned quickly with a rush, stopping the words before she said them. Oblivious to the struggle going on in her mind, Matt continued. She reluctantly pushed him away. He looked at her in confusion, still breathing heavily.

"What is it?"

She looked up at him bringing her own breathing under control.

"I can't do this."

"You were doing this just fine," he pointed out.

She smiled but he saw a trace of sadness in her eyes.

"What's the matter," he pressed.

She looked at him and shook her head.

"Nothing," she said, "It's just that this is moving too fast for me…"

He nodded.

"Okay we can slow it down a bit," he said, "I don't want you to do anything you're not ready for."

She looked away, knowing that the truth was, she couldn't hop into bed with him until she told him the truth about her pregnancy and she just didn't know how to do that. No matter how eagerly her body had responded to his own. She reached up and stroked his face.

"It's not that I don't want to," she said, "It's just…"

"You don't need to explain yourself to me," he said, "I understand. Do you want me to leave?"

She shook her head.

"Come into the living room and sit with me by the fire," she said, "I think I can keep my hands off of you."

He raised a brow at her.

"Why is that so important," he said, "I know you and there must be a reason."

She didn't answer him but instead reached for his hand and he followed her to where they sat by the fire and on the couch, she felt naturally into his embrace and closed her eyes, enjoying the warmth on her face and the feeling of the arms of the man she had loved her own life holding her close to him. Matt felt her body relax in his embrace and her breath became soft and as he stroked the hair off of her face, he wondered what she, what the entire town it seemed was hiding from him.

Chapter 16

C.J. sat in the Brick next day with her breakfast, trying not to think too much about the previous night and about what had almost happened between Matt and her. He hadn't pressed the issue and they had sat by the fire, his arms wrapped around her body and it had felt nice. Still, she knew she had made the right decision although it hadn't been easy to put the brakes on herself as well as him.

Shelli dropped another plate of eggs decorated with sprigs of what looked like parsley in front of her.

"A gift from Adam," the waitress said simply.

C.J. looked at the plate and thought, they certainly smell sumptuous so she picked up her fork and took a bite. The eggs melted in her mouth like a dream and she closed her eyes in approval. Ever since the town folk had discovered her pregnancy, they had kept her well fed. Her pants today felt tight and she couldn't be sure if it were from the pregnancy or the pounds that had returned to her frame from eating all this delicious food. She sipped her orange juice and settled in to finish her eggs…after she ate the last few bites of her cinnamon French toast.

Joel stopped by, trying to unravel his thick winter parka from his body and place it on a chair near an adjacent table.

"It's great to see you eating so well," he said, nodding approvingly, "You were a bit thin when you first arrived."

"I've had more reason to eat," she said, "and who could say no to all this delicious food?"

Joel examined her eggs more closely.

"Adam might be a borderline psychotic misanthrope but he is a culinary whiz."

C.J. smiled.

"He's been very sweet to me."

Joel harrumphed.

"Well trust me," he said, "that's very unusual behavior from Adam. Enjoy it while it lasts."

"He told me that you were unreasonable to him when he brought you as a guest into his house," C.J. said, between bites.

Joel's eyes shot up.

"He had me chained to a table," he said, "until I did what he want or tried to but there's no pleasing that psycho."

C.J. shrugged and kept eating.

"You feeling okay otherwise," he asked.

She looked up at him again and nodded.

"I think the nausea's gone," she said, "and I'm starting to feel more energized."

"Well you're getting closer to your second trimester," Joel said, "and the body's usually on a more even keel then even when the changes are more visible."

C.J. nodded, knowing what he was broaching.

"I haven't told him," she said, "and I plan to way before he can figure it out on his own by looking at me."

"That's up to you how you tell him," Joel advised, "but he seems to be very concerned about you and your health."

"I know," she said, "I almost told him at dinner last night."

Joel nodded.

"I heard about that…on the grapevine," he said, "You know just because you're pregnant doesn't mean that you…he can't…"

Her face flushed.

"Excuse me?"

He saw her expression and became a bit flustered.

"I mean I'm speaking as your doctor of course," he said, "and in fact, during the middle trimester, some women report a heightened libido due to hormone fluctuations."

She blew a tendril of hair out of her face.

"Thanks for telling me," she said, "I'll keep that in mind."

Joel continued on with his medical observations.

"In fact, often the father of the child feels especially…"

She held up her hands finally.

"I'm not going to discuss whether I…he…my sex life with you unless I have any questions."

"That's perfectly fine," Joel said, "You know where to reach me if you do…and by the way, your ultrasound is on schedule in a couple of days."

She smiled.

"I can't wait."

---

Matt got up early and prepared for the new day. He had left C.J.'s cabin when her eyes had begun to flutter and he knew soon she would drift off to sleep. While lying with his arms wrapped around her and his libido on ice. Still, Matt had never been one to push the issue with a woman and always respected her boundaries no matter how difficult it felt at the time. Like the time that the two of them had been in Utah defending an amoral two-bit criminal on multiple murder charges. After C.J.'s first motel room had been torched by a vigilante group of men and women bearing Molotov cocktails, she had moved her things into the room that he had paid for when he arrived after driving all night from L.A. He had arrived early and had crashed on the only bed in the small room and had dreamed that she had been there with him. Of course, when he woke up several hours later, she had been dressed and ready to go visit her client and had been writing up a list of questions to ask him. She had turned to ask him if he had felt more rested from his nap and his face flushed, while he struggled to find the words to answer her rather simple question. He had chalked up his rather vivid dreaming about his best friend to them working together in close quarters.

"Excuse me," a voice said, jarring Matt from his chain of thought.

Ed joined him as they both walked down Cicely's main thoroughfare to the Brick to grab some breakfast and for Ed to meet up with C.J. Matt knew she would be there eating already and wondered how he would approach her. After last night…when she had felt like heaven in his arms, stroking his hair and his own hands caressing her bare skin.

"What…"

Ed didn't notice how flustered he had sounded but continued talking.

"Maurice wants to move up the premiere of my movie."

"Earlier or later?"

"Earlier…he wants to tie it in with the arrival of the tourists to see the Northern Lights."

Matt had seen the natural phenomenon before on his travels and the marvelous mosaic of lights dancing against the sky never failed to captivate him. He had heard rumors since he arrived in Cicely of a legend tied in with the celebration of the Northern Lights.

Ed read his mind in that way of knowing what most people were thinking.

"Oh every year couples come from all over the world to Cicely to ask for a blessing from the Northern Lights to give them a child."

"Does it work?"

Ed nodded.

"I think every couple that's visited Cicely during that time has had children," he said, "Many of them send photos to Ruth Ann who keeps them in scrapbooks."

Matt thought about that.

"What if you're already having a child?"

Ed thought about it, his brow knit in concentration.

"Then that child will grow up healthy and strong."

Matt nodded, believing that sounded nice but also knowing he had his work cut out for him.

"Your dinner went well last night," Ed said, nodding.

That caught Matt off guard.

"Yes it did," he said, "The venison tasted great…"

"She will open her heart to you when she's ready."

Matt raised his brows but Ed had switched to other topics.

"I'm going to tell Maurice that my movie's going to be finished when it's done," Ed said, nodding, "Yes that's what I'm going to do."

---

C.J. had finished her eggs after Joel had left to return to his office where patients waited and she prepared to leave with Ed after he finished his own breakfast. She smoothed her long blue sweater over her pants and sat back to relax some more when she saw Matt enter the building with Ed. They saw her and walked over to join her at the table.

Maggie saw them both as well and joined them. She looked dressed to take the plane out for a spin that day.

"I thought I'd get a meal in me before I take the hunters and drop them off at Elk's Grove."

Ed nodded.

"It's prime hunting season right now."

Maggie smiled.

"It's a great time to earn some extra cash to pay for a new transponder."

"Can't fly too far without one of those," Matt said.

"How did your dinner go last night," Maggie asked.

Matt and C.J. looked at each other.

"The venison was delicious," they both said simultaneously.

Maggie looked pleased.

"That was great deer hunting," she said, "I miss it. Of course, my mother doesn't approve of my engaging in masculine pursuits but then she's never happy with what I've chosen to do with my life…but it's my life after all…"

C.J. listened to her wondering what life had been like if her parents had been there to play a more active role in it. If they had been there to even know they were soon to be grandparents. Matt glanced over at her as he knew discussions about parents brought up some sadness even though she didn't show it.

"When I have children…"

C.J. bumped her glass and spilled her juice. She jumped out of her seat to clean it up, but Ed reached for some napkins and blotted up the spill. Shelli whizzed on by to get her a fresh glass, saying it was no trouble at all. Maggie looked at the two of them quizzically.

"You'll be aware of that soon enough…"

Matt looked at her, his brows furrowing.

"What do you mean?"

Maggie covered for herself.

"I mean all couples want to have children someday…"

Matt certainly did and he knew he had picked out the right women to be their mother. When the time was right and he had convinced her that he was there beside her for good, he would broach their future with her. That future included plenty of children to fill a house and spending his life with her raising the into adulthood. He knew that C.J. would make a great mother, even though she hadn't really known her own.

C.J. looked at him looking at her and wondered what he was thinking. Did he suspect after Maggie's near slip? She realized again that if he didn't know, he soon would if he stuck around long enough. It had been more difficult to snap her pants and she knew she had more on top than she had before she got pregnant. Men usually noticed those details, didn't they? But then Matt hadn't gotten quite close enough to her last night to come to that conclusion.

---

Matt left the table to go make a quick phone call and Ed went to talk to Hollings by the bar. Maggie sipped the juice that Shelli had brought her and studied C.J.

"You are going to have to tell him," she said, "because one morning, you'll blow up like a balloon and he'll figure it out on his own."

"I'm going to do it," C.J. said, "I nearly did last night when we were eating dinner but then things heated up a little bit in the kitchen."

Maggie nodded.

"Ah yes, being with a guy in the kitchen does it for me too," she said, "Something about washing dishes together side by side, hips brushing against each other, inhaling each other's pheromones and next thing I know I just want to run my hands all over them before I jump them."

C.J. listened to that and thought it sounded somewhat familiar.

"It just happened," she said, "though I started it…and I stopped it."

Maggie tilted her head.

"We women usually do," she said, "like we're supposed to have all the self-control."

"I didn't want to," C.J. admitted, "but I couldn't go further without telling him about the baby."

"It's hard to control myself sometimes," Maggie said, thoughtfully, "That time with Joel in the barn…temporary insanity that I hope never rears its head again."

"You want to talk about temporary insanity…"

Both C.J. and Maggie looked up as Shelli, her hand on her huge abdomen sank in a chair at the table.

"What is it," Maggie asked, "Hollings driving you crazy again?"

Shelli shook her head.

"I'm driving myself crazy," she said, "I was looking at patterns for the nursery which isn't finished yet and I couldn't decide."

Maggie shrugged.

"Who needs a nursery," she said, "The baby won't care how fancy its room looks and if you take the minimalist approach, you could save a ton on therapy bills later on?"

"Huh?"

Maggie sighed.

"Never mind."

Shelli looked at C.J.

"What about you," she asked, "are you going full blown with the nursery?"

"I'm still trying to figure out how to tell Houston that I'm pregnant."

Maggie nodded.

"They were getting it on in the kitchen last night and she couldn't go through with it."

Shelli sighed.

"I felt that way with Hollings but I bit the bullet anyway," she said, "and I felt much better when I told him."

"Do you think Matt's going to be freaked out by the news," Maggie asked, "because I think he'd go the other extreme."

C.J. looked at her hands.

"I think he'll be thrilled," she said, "He loves kids but will he then take off again and leave us?"

"I don't think so," Shelli said, "I mean the guy's here in Cicely right now trying to win you back."

"He's here trying to prove he's there for me," C.J. agreed, "but that night…he said all the right things and then he was gone."

"You know that wasn't the way he wanted it," Maggie said, "I mean when my boyfriends leave me, it's because they died but he seems like he's really committed to you in a way that defeats death and that's got to be pretty rare."

Shelli nodded.

"Hollings held off death because everyone in his family did," she said, "but if he came back to life and stood right in front of me, I'd pee in my pants."

She then smiled ruefully.

"Excuse me, I'll be right back."

C.J. watched her go and considered what Maggie had said. She knew in her heart that Matt would never leave her or their baby in the lurch but how would he feel even as he kept that promise? Would it chafe at him, to have him stuck to her side while the excitement and unpredictable nature of the life he loved called to him?]

She didn't really think she wanted to find out.

---

Matt listened to Uncle Roy give him a briefing on what had been happening with both of his businesses in L.A. while he had been up here in Cicely. His uncle had reassured him that there was no reason to be concerned and that he could remain up in Alaska as long as he needed to be there. Matt told his uncle he didn't know how long that would be, how long it would take him to convince C.J. that he was there with her to stay. No matter what the future held for them.

"She needs to keep hearing that," Roy told him, "She took your death much harder than she ever took anything. I thought she had died inside."

Matt ran his hand through his hair listening to his uncle.

"But then she decided one day that she had to return to the world of the living and keep on going with her own life," Roy said, "and she's done just that."

"What made her make that decision?"

Roy remained silent for a while as Matt awaited his answer.

"She'll have to give you her reasons Matlock," he said finally, "and you'll have to respect them."

That sounded a bit cryptic, Matt thought, listening to his uncle's advice but he didn't push him further. He knew what answers existed, he would just have to learn on his own. He knew that she loved him, she had told him both the night she bled from that shoulder wound that threatened to drain the life right out of her and after they had made love before he had left her. His response to her declarations both time had been pathetic. Something he intended to remedy beginning right now as he headed back to their table.

Chapter 17

C.J. looked up from where she sat at the table as Matt returned having made his phone call. He looked quieter and she hoped it hadn't been bad news about his business.

"What is it," she asked.

He shook his head.

"Nothing serious," he said, "Uncle Roy just had some advice for me."

She smiled at that, knowing that his uncle always looked out for him and that his return into Matt's life had yielded great benefits for both of them. For years, Roy had been estranged from Matt's father after the loss of his wife and the disappearance of his only son. Not too long ago, Matt had rescued Will from a prison camp and reunited father and son for the first time in years. Recently, Roy had begun introducing his son to Matt's investigative agency and the two of them were picking up the slack since Matt's "death" and his journey to Cicely to find and bring C.J. back.

He sat down with her and Maggie who had begun to do some serious damage to her omelet, one of several made by Adam who had kicked Dave out of the kitchen and had just taken over.

"This is delicious," Maggie said, "It more than makes up for Adam's prickly nature."

C.J. agreed that the food tasted great. Matt watched her eating her meal so enthusiastically. He noticed that it had already added weight to her figure which was a good thing.

"What are you looking at," she said, holding onto her fork.

He shook his head.

"It's just good to see a woman enjoy a good meal that's all."

She raised a brow at him.

"It gives you some idea of her other…appetites," she said, "When you should already know."

Oh he did know, the thought of them made his throat suddenly go dry which he covered up nicely by taking a drink of his juice. Freshly squeezed by Dave, one of the few culinary chores that Adam had placed in his more than capable hands.

Maggie looked at Matt and shook her head.

"You know you remind me of my last boyfriend…"

"One of your former boyfriends who died," Matt asked.

Maggie frowned and he hoped he hadn't brought up a painful memory. But then she brightened suddenly.

"Actually I think it was when he came back as a dog…"

Now Matt looked confused and C.J. almost broke into laughter seeing the expression on his face.

"Came back as a…what?"

"A dog," Maggie continued, oblivious to the confusion she had caused, "Oh everyone said it was just some mutt running around loose and sure enough, some woman did come back and claim him but he loved green peppers like my boyfriend and he liked a certain bar stool here…that."

"Your former boyfriend liked," Matt guessed.

"Well yeah," Maggie said, "and he bit Joel. Twice."

Matt had a feeling that had won the mutt a few extra points in Maggie's book. He could never figure out this love-hate deal between the uptight doctor and the free spirited pilot. In his mind, if you wanted a woman, you just went after her. Simple as that, he thought. But then he thought, had that been what he had done with C.J.?

Not exactly. When they had been flying off in his Lear Jet to the Bahamas, he had been thinking the entire time about the week that lay ahead of them to be spent on that tropical island. Oh sure, there would be business meetings to attend, power luncheons and a tour of one of the most exclusive resorts but in between? Six days and five nights spent together by the beautiful crystal clear ocean and sun-bleached sand by day and under a sea of stars and moonlight by night. He had studied her curvy figure sitting in the co-pilot seat of his airplane inside the cramped cockpit and had been imagining what it would feel like to run his hands over her soft skin. She had engaged in comfortable banter with him during the long flight and had gazed out over the endless sea of sky around them as he sat there wondering how she would respond if he swept her in his arms.

Of course that never happened. After some silly joke he had made about the Bermuda Triangle so he could focus on his navigating, she had passed out in her seat and he had left his seat to revive her before he realized that his plane had been sabotaged. He woke up later sitting in a jeep with C.J. being driven at gunpoint to an estate that turned out to be the home of the previously believed to be dead, Marquis Duval, sr. His demands had been simple, his son in exchange for C.J.'s life. Matt had tried to escape and when Duval punished him for that by threatening to have C.J. shot by a firing squad, he had felt the life flow out of him until he agreed to go and bring back Duval, jr.

They had come through that crisis safely as they ultimately did all the dangerous situations they had faced. Often with the help of one of their close friends, in that case a currently retired police lieutenant named Vince Novelli who had seen through Matt's façade and demanded to be allowed to help him liberate C.J. and bring down the Duvals for good.

---

C.J. looked at Matt who seemed pensive this morning. She wondered if he had been thinking about what almost happened between him the previous night, what would have happened if she hadn't applied the brakes. She knew she had no choice, she couldn't resume her physical relationship with him without telling him the truth and the words to do that still eluded her. She wanted so much to force them from her lips but…the fear still filled her at the thought that she would tell him and it wouldn't be enough the next time an adventure rolled around that had the potential to take him from her permanently.

She shook her head at herself inwardly for being so needy when it came to Matt. Like some of the other girlfriends he had relationships with in the past. She had always thought that Matt needed a lover that he could take care of, take under his wing to protect but the opposite had turned out to be true because she hadn't wanted that protection. She had wanted to be on equal footing with the men in her life and that had been too formidable a challenge for quite a few of them. That's of course not including the men she had dated who turned out to be killers like Robert Tyler. When he had reentered her life and swept her off of her feet, she had seen that her feelings had threatened to get away from her despite her attempts to be sensible and rein them in, until she knew him better. Her heart had broken when Matt had told her that Robert had tried to kill him when he found out that Robert had staged a couple of kidnappings to further his own television career.

C.J. had threatened to resign from Matt's company and walk out of his life and he had just stood there stunned as she walked away. She had sat in the back patio of her home for hours reliving that moment and wondering if she would ever see him again.

Matt watched C.J. and saw her brow furrow in deep thought, not that it detracted from how gorgeous she looked in her outfit. He saw that the faint bruising beneath her eyes had disappeared and she looked happy in her skin, sipping her juice and taking in the ambience around her. Looking back, he knew that this past year even before this latest episode of it had been very difficult for her. Having her heart crushed by their former college buddy, Robert and him having to play a role in causing her such pain. She had forgiven him for that and then promptly had gotten shot by a gunman while they were trying to spring a young heiress of a prominent family from a religious cult out to steal her money and kill her in that order. The bullet that had hit her had nearly killed her but she had survived two days and nights being held captive while Matt had kept her alive by sheer will until he and another man could escape and take her to a hospital.

Then she had gone off on her infamous road trip to a business conference in Santa Fe and had wound up crashing her car, getting amnesia and involved in some prostitution junket involving female inmates at the county lockup. He had tracked her down and had crashed the jail and then the party being held by a prominent state politician to free her. She had begun to keep to herself after that, while he and his Uncle Roy went on one adventure after another, including the one that sprung his cousin and brought him home for the first time in over a decade.

Then her dear friend Julia had finally succumbed to cancer and she had become more withdrawn and focused on filing legal cases and appearing in court while he met and nearly married another heiress to a fortune, Elizabeth.

At the last moment, she had brought to a halt their wedding which naturally had been crashed by an uninvited psycho with a grudge against Matt and decided she couldn't handle what he did with his life. After the haze of what he had thought was the great romance of his life had faded, he had looked up and realized that he needed his friends and family back in his life.

"I really enjoyed dinner last night Houston," she said to him.

He looked up at her and saw her smiling at him.

"You look like you were some place nice," she said.

He blinked.

"I'm some place much nicer right now."

Maggie looked at the both of them and decided it was time to go prepare her plane for her day-long sojourn.

"I'll see you at spa night later on," she told C.J.

Matt raised a brow after saying goodbye to Maggie.

"Oh it's just that Ruth Ann's getting a shipment of beauty products," C.J. said, "And Shelli's volunteered us all to be test subjects. It sounds like a lot of fun."

"To sit around and talk about us men," he said.

She chuckled.

"Not so much," she said, "Actually Eve's thinking about starting a book club."

"That sounds…tame."

"Depends on the title," C.J. said, "You don't know Eve."

He hesitated, trying to find the right words and settled for something simple and direct.

"About last night…"

She looked away.

"What about it?"

"You pulled away," he said, "but I think I understand why."

Her brows knit as she looked at him.

"I'm not ready to jump into bed with you," she said, "My body might think so but it's more complicated than that."

"I know," he said, "and I would never push you to do anything you didn't want."

She sighed.

"It's not that I don't want you," she said, "I just need some time to know you're not going anywhere."

He knew that was true. She had wanted him as much as he had wanted her and if she hadn't stopped him, they would have made love. And then what? She would have done so keeping the truth about her pregnancy from him and when it came down to it, she just couldn't do that. She couldn't slip between the sheets with him with that huge secret between them.

"I'm not planning on leaving you," he said, "I wish you would believe that."

She desperately wanted to take his word and chastised herself for being hesitant at giving him a chance to prove it. But she still hedged. She had someone else to think of besides herself.

"I do…at least I want to more than you know," she said, "but the past couple of months were so hard…"

He nodded.

"Uncle Roy reminded me of that on the phone."Matt said, "He also said you had your reasons for coming out of your grief and that I needed to respect that."

She looked at him, wondering what he was thinking.

"My reasons are my own," she said, "as much as I want to believe you."

"I do understand what I've done to you," Matt said, "But I also understand that I want what we had that night."

C.J. closed her eyes, remembering but she had to remain firm…for now.

"So do I," she said, "but it takes more than both of us wanting it to make it work."

Matt knew that but he also knew that he had never wanted anything in his life more than the future that awaited them if they could just build from the past.

Joel came by the table and handed C.J. a paper bag.

"I just had these filled," he said, "Follow the instructions on the bottle."

She didn't look inside the bag but set it on the table.

"Thanks," she said, while Matt watched them both.

Joel noticed Matt sitting there.

"Having a nice breakfast together," he said, "That's great. Well, I'll see you at your appointment in a couple of days."

She nodded as he left them back to their conversation. C.J. had to remember where to pick it up.

"I want to build something with you," she said, "I just want to make sure it's the best thing for me. I can't face that kind of pain again."

He picked up a trace of it in her face even as she smiled at him.

"That's not going to happen," he promised.

She so much wanted to believe him so she just nodded slowly.

"We'll see," she said simply.

Ed stopped by the table and told them that Maurice wanted C.J. and him to come to his home for an impromptu meeting on the film. C.J. rolled her eyes but prepared to get her things to take with her, hoping that Maurice wouldn't be attempting to commander the process away from the young filmmaker again.

"We'd better get going," she said to Matt.

He reached for her and embraced her close.

"I'll see you later…"

"I've got spa night," she said, "I promised to bring some snack food."

He nodded.

"Then I'll make sure you get home safely after."

She chuckled but she agreed and that caused his heart to lift as he watched them walk out of the Brick. He prepared to pick up his belongings and then his eye caught the small bag that Joel had given to C.J. that obviously contained something very important for her health. He picked it up, to see if he could catch her before she left. He got outside but couldn't see either Ed or C.J. and he guessed they must have taken off in Ed's truck to Maurice's house. He'd have to give it to her later on, he decided and then curiosity about the bag's content got the better of him and he pulled out a large prescription bottle.

His heart skipped quite a few beats when he read the writing on the bottle.

Chapter 18

Matt read the inscription again to make sure he had gotten it right. Prenatal vitamins take twice a day as needed. No, what he had read was what had been printed on the bottle.

Different emotions inundated his mind at once. If a woman took prenatal vitamins then that meant…and if he had slept with that woman say about two months or so ago… then he had hit a bull's eye. And he had done that with the woman he had loved all of his life even if he had been too foolish to admit it.

He walked out of the Brick still holding onto the bottle with that realization in his mind. That C.J. had gotten pregnant on that last night they had spent together, with his child. The plethora of emotions only grew further and nearly knocked him off his feet. No mean feat for a tall, strongly built Texan who usually kept his boot clad feet clearly on the ground. But while joy intermixed with fear which intermixed with a trace of sadness that his father weren't alive to meet his first grandchild, his heart sank when he realized that C.J had kept the news a secret from him. That he had to find out about his own child thorough the bottle that C.J. had accidently left behind.

"Are you okay Matt," a woman asked.

He looked up to see Ruth Ann about to enter into the restaurant. Matt recovered quickly, his heart slowing down its rhythm.

"I'm fine," he said, "I was just on my way down to your store…"

She smiled at him.

"Just walk right in and help yourself to whatever you need," she said, "I've got some hot tea ready."

Matt knew he needed something a hell of a lot stronger than tea but he nodded and thanked her for her generosity.

She left him then and he continued on towards the general store, to fax some more invoices which was the last thing he wanted to do right now. That's definitely not what his instincts directed him to do, but as much as he wanted to go find C.J. and confront her with her prenatal vitamins, he knew he had to wait until she returned. He had a ton of questions he wanted to ask her about her pregnancy and how she felt about it. And why she hadn't told him the most important news of his life.

---

C.J. sat with an elderly woman inside her living room, filled with relics of her travels throughout the world. Even at 90, she still traveled when the weather was nice but had given up wintering in some warmer spot of the Lower 48. Nothing felt better to her than her own home.

Ed had been filming the house including the decorative parlor which adjoined the living room of the old house that had witnessed the creation of so many memories in this woman's life. Her children had grown and moved away to create families of their own but still kept an eye on her and her on them. She had carefully removed a stack of photo albums and had thumbed through each worn page to show off her family tree.

C.J. fingered a photo worn around the edges of a baby, taken at the turn of the century.

"That's my older sister," the woman said, "but she died in 1918 of that Spanish Flu. It took so many young lives. That was in New England before my father moved us here."

"It sounds fascinating," C.J. said, "Coming here as a young girl and starting a new life."

The woman's smile widened.

"Like an adventure," she said, "Of course we had our tough times too."

C.J. nodded, looking at the album.

"When are you due," the woman asked.

The question startled her almost out of her chair.

"Oh…about five and a half months."

"You'll start to fill out soon," the woman said, "I hope you have clothes."

C.J. smiled.

"I'm fine," she said, "The people of Cicely have really been looking out for me."

The older woman furrowed her brow, creating more wrinkles which lined her face.

"I hope the feller who is responsible is taking good care of you."

C.J. looked away for a moment.

"Well he is, isn't he?"

C.J. sighed.

"He doesn't know yet."

The woman put her hands on her hips.

"Doesn't know," she said, "Why not? Of course if he waits long enough, he'll figure it out on his own."

C.J. shook her head.

"It's a long story," she said, "and you might think, a rather strange one."

The woman harrumphed.

"I'm 90 years old and there's next to nothing I haven't heard in my life."

C.J. hedged, thinking that maybe the woman had in her long life heard of a man who got a woman pregnant, then died and then came back to life. She decided not to push her luck and just smiled instead.

"Maybe next time," she said, sipping the herbal tea.

The woman didn't press for more information and C.J. sat back in the chair and closed her eyes for a bit allowing her mind to wander. Most of the fatigue that had marked the earlier weeks of her pregnancy had faded but she still felt tired sometimes. The woman didn't say anything more perhaps content to let her rest a bit in her chair until Ed finished filming.

But C.J.'s mind kept working, trying to decide when she would tell Matt the truth about her pregnancy. He had the right to know and to decide whether or not he would play a role in his child's life. C.J. knew she had no problems there as Matt wouldn't want to be apart from his flesh and blood. While growing up, he had always wished for a brother or sister, having been raised an only child. She smiled to herself, imagining the joy on his face when he learned the news but would he understand why she hadn't told him sooner? She guessed she would find out when she told him, which would be tonight when he picked her up to take her home after the girl's night out at the spa. She would make sure that he sat down first before she shared it with him.

---

Matt listened to the voice on the other end of the phone.

"Murray, just calm down," he said, "I'll fax the other invoices to you later this afternoon."

"The board meeting is first thing after lunch," Murray said.

"Give them what I just sent you and tell them you'll fax the rest later," Matt said, "I've got some things to take care of before I can send the rest."

Murray hedged.

"Well maybe I can postpone it a day," he said, "and keep the new clients happy."

"You do that Murray," Matt said, "and I'll get the rest of the invoices out first thing tomorrow morning."

Murray seemed to be satisfied with that response and hung up. Matt clicked off his phone and went back to work, trying to keep his focus on his business rather than his personal life.

C.J. and Ed headed back towards the Brick to get some lunch and she wasn't surprised to see Matt waiting for her sitting in a booth in the back. She headed back to sit with him, after taking off her coat.

"Did you order yet," she asked.

He looked at her carefully, as she took a seat and picked up a menu. She looked as she always had, beautiful and curvy in the right places but no wait, something had been different about her, he just hadn't known what but now that mystery had been solved.

"No," he said, "I just got here after getting off the phone with Murray."

"How is he anyway?"

"Running the business smooth as silk."

She nodded, trusting the company president to do just that.

"I know it's hard for you to be away from all that," she said, "But he's great at his job and he'll take great care of your company."

"What about you," he asked, "You miss any of that?"

She shrugged and he watched her become more reflective.

"Sometimes," she said, "But I don't think I was ever really a city girl."

"You didn't want to move out to L.A.?"

She looked over at him, with a smile.

"No, no," she said, "I wanted to go with you and make the corporation a success and we did that."

"I couldn't have done it without you."

She smiled at that and clasped her hands together on the table.

"I know," she said, "But things are different now."

Matt reached into his pocket and pulled out the prescription bottle, setting it on the table between them.

"I know."

C.J. didn't need to look at the bottle to know that it contained her vitamins that Joel had prescribed for her. He raised her brows at her for an answer to the question he hadn't asked out loud.

"Houston," she said simply.

Emotion threatened to overwhelm him but he kept himself in check, barely.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

She looked at him, at a loss for words. Not that she hadn't anticipated this moment or imagined how it would play out many times but when faced with it, her mind had gone blank. The pain of having believed she had lost him returned as if it had never left. She blinked her eyes, not wanting to cry in front of him.

"When I found out," she said, "You were gone. I thought you were dead and that our child would never know his father."

He heard the sadness creep in her voice but he pressed forward. Not wanting to push her too hard but needing to know the truth.

"What about when I came back," he said, "Why didn't you tell me then?"

She just looked down at her plate, knowing that she had upset him.

"I had a right to know C.J.," he said, "about my own child."

"I was going to tell you…"

He set his jaw hearing her out.

"When was that going to be exactly," he asked, "when the child was born?"

Her eyes flashed and he knew he had made her angry.

"That's not fair…"

"What's not fair is keeping such a secret from me," he said, "We've been friends most of our lives and you never did this before."

He played dirty pool but she knew she had hurt him and she hadn't meant to do that. But she knew she had her reasons if she could remember what they were.

"I thought you were dead after that car exploded right in front of me," she said, "then I found out I was pregnant and I had someone else to think about and I still do."

"You think…"

She shook her head, knowing suddenly she had to get out of there.

"No I'm not going to get into this with you," she said, "You don't know what it's been like being alone and pregnant with a child who would never know his father."

"C.J…"

She got up from the table and picked up her things. He reached for her arm but she turned around to face him.

"Don't…"

She left then leaving him scratching his head in her wake, wondering what to do or say next.

---

C.J. rubbed some of the lotion on her arms after looking at it dubiously. Shelli nodded approvingly as she went from table to table checking on everyone's progress.

"It's really good for your skin," she said, "It's got aloe and a few other things."

"It feels nice," C.J. said, reaching for the bottle, "I might pick up some more of this stuff if being bundled up all day keeps drying out my skin."

Shelli smiled.

"You've got to try the foot spa bath too," she said, "I'll give you a kit to take home."

"I can't wait," C.J. said, "I've been on my feet all day."

She had gone home and changed her clothes before heading out to the spa night. She had considered not going but decided she needed to get away from her problems for a while and concentrate on something else. It had been her turn to bring refreshments and she had settled in not long after she arrived and quickly got caught up in trying out Shelli's different spa products. And she had gone nearly two hours without thinking about him.

"How's Matt doing," Shelli asked, "I saw him earlier in the day before you left with Ed to meet with Maurice."

So much for not thinking about him.

"He knows about the pregnancy," C.J. said, "He's not happy I kept it from him."

Shelli shrugged.

"Bummer," she said, "But he'll get over it. There's something about babies that make men go soft and forget everything else."

C.J. sighed.

"It might take more than that," she said, "Not that I blame him. I should have told him when he first got here."

"But you were shocked to see that he was alive and you had to deal with that."

C.J. nodded as she reached for some of Maggie's cookies. The pilot had gone all domestic when she had returned from her charter flight and baked up a batch from an old family recipe. She closed her eyes thinking they tasted really good. The conversation had focused on how excited they were to hear that Chris and his brother, Bernard had submitted their latest collection of poetry to a publisher and it had been accepted.

"Friggin' awesome," Shelli said, "We should hold a book signing party at the Brick."

They had talked about that for a while until Shelli had brought up Matt and the others looked to see C.J.'s response to that, given that the other women had learned through the rumor mill that Matt had found out about her pregnancy at the Brick.

"Men," Maggie said, shaking her head, "You think he'd be overjoyed that he planted his flag and all that. It's a macho thing with them."

"It was probably a shock to him," Ruth Ann offered up, "He might need some time to grow into it."

C.J. nodded.

"I know I should have told him," she said, "but part of me thought he'd get involved in some dangerous case again. I know that's part of who he is but if I'm going to be alone, I'd rather just know it."

Shelli rolled her eyes.

"I don't think he's planning on ditching you," she said, "He seems totally into you."

"I've got to look out for the both of us now," C.J. said, "I guess I just got so used to it just being the two of us that when he came back…"

"It changed your idea of how things would be," Maggie nodded, "after you had it all planned out. It' s just like a man to be so unpredictable."

"So can women," Ruth Ann commented.

"Are you going to talk to him," Shelli asked, "or have him come to you?"

"I'm going to have to let him calm down and see what happens," C.J. said, "I don't blame him for being mad at me but I've been mad at him too for leaving me and getting inside that car."

"But he had to," Shelli said, "to solve that mystery you two were working on."

C.J. sighed.

"I know that I really do," she said, "It's just hard to really feel that inside, I just know how it felt to see him die in front of me."

The other women nodded, assuming it must be a difficult thing.

"I'm just not sure what to do next," C.J. said, "I never meant to shut him out of our baby's life."

"Then you need to tell him that," Ruth Ann said, plainly, "Men are a little slow in the uptake with these things."

Shelli nodded.

"Yeah, they're from Mars, we're from Venus," she said, "That kind of thing."

Maggie grumbled from her seat.

"Men have the romantic sensibility of an amoeba," she observed, "He might never get it until you set it straight for him."

C.J. looked back from one woman to the other at all the instructions she was getting. Marilyn just smiled while stirring her facial mask ingredients.

"Just listen…"

C.J. nodded, knowing that in order to get him to hear her out, she would have to offer him the same courtesy. After all, they had known each other all of their lives, how hard could that be?

---

Matt sat and listened to his uncle talk his ear off the phone.

"Matlock for being a Houston, you can be dense about some things," Roy told him.

His nephew gritted his teeth on his end.

"She should have told me Uncle Roy," he said, "I've been here nearly a week and not one word about her being pregnant."

Matt listened to his uncle sigh on the other end.

"When she got the news, she thought you were dead," Roy said, "And you waited a couple of months to tell her that you were alive."

"That was different…"

"I know that it was. I've been involved in a covert operation or two myself," Roy said, "But she did what she had to do to survive and look out for my great nephew or niece all by herself in a strange place."

Matt ran his hand through his hair.

"So you think I'm being too hard on her?"

Roy tried to be patient.

"I think you need to give her a little space and show her that trusting you is not going to get her hurt," he said, "or more importantly as far as she's concerned, her baby."

Matt paused to consider that.

"But…"

Roy interrupted him.

"No Matlock," he said, "I think if you push at her, she'll push you out of her life and if she does that, it will be your fault."

Matt considered that too.

"I don't want to push her," he said, "I just want her to understand how important my family is to me."

Roy sighed.

"Well if that's what you want to do," he said, "Why not just show her instead? Don't throw a bunch of self-righteous words at her, give her some actions to show how important she and the next Houston are to you."

"Well…"

"You attract more bees with honey Matlock," Roy said.

Matt hung up not long after that, trying to think about what to say…do next.

Chapter 19

She waited for him while the other women departed the Brick to head on home after spa night had officially closed down shop. They had all helped Shelli put the ingredients away while finishing up Maggie's cookies. She had pulled C.J. aside and said that she had saved the last dozen for her to take home and C.J had smiled in response because, damn they were delicious. Maybe she could hand a couple to Matt to sample to break the ice, not that he had much of a sweet tooth. He loved barbecue, barbecue and some beer to wash it down not necessarily in that order.

A soft snow had begun to drift down on Cicely that evening, silently while most people's minds were elsewhere and it took a while for it to stick, painting the town in white . C.J.'s attention had naturally been focused on what she would say to Matt to bridge the gorge between them that had developed when he found out she was pregnant and had kept it from him. She frowned at that choice of words. She hadn't exactly meant to keep that information to herself, she just had to be sure that he would embrace it and a life with her. She still didn't know exactly where she stood with him. Sure, she had told him that she loved him but he hadn't answered back in the same words. Words that she had been waiting much longer to hear than she could admit. But maybe to him it hadn't been about love, just spur of the moment physical attraction sparked by their close proximity on this case. Maybe he didn't want a relationship with her outside the boundaries of their close friendship. Maybe…

She swallowed her thoughts and still waited for him. Suddenly he appeared dressed in his thick coat and entering the restaurant. He shook the snow off of his coat and she chuckled despite it.

"This sure isn't L.A. and palm trees, is it?"

He shook his head with a smile.

"It sure isn't," he said, "but it's pretty nice…if I attached a snow plow to my Porsche."

She folded her arms.

"I like it here," she said, "I missed having real seasons."

He knew she had been thinking of her years spent in Boston going to Harvard School of Law, the only time in their lives they had really been apart. After he graduated from Rice University, he had eschewed a professional football career and had gone straight into the military, a decision which raised some brows in his social circle, not to mention with his father. But his cousin Will enlisted so at least he had a partner in what some told him was a fool hearted decision. Why should he go risk his life in the army while so many other men and women were willing to do it? Matt didn't want to grow up to be a playboy partying his life away at country clubs, on yachts and seaside villas in Southern Europe. C.J. had never teased him for that, admiring him for his sense of returning his service to the country that had given him so much.

"It's tough to beat an autumn there," Matt admitted, "but I like to be some place warm when winter comes."

She relaxed while they engaged in some small talk, reminiscing about the past they shared together from the time they were young children. They had built so many good memories and lived richly through both happiness and adversity with a sense of hope and resilience that C.J. wanted to pass along to her child. Their child, she reminded herself.

"C.J…"

She looked up at him.

"We'd better get you home," Matt said, "Before the roads get bad."

She nodded, and they left the Brick to go find his car.

"I got a lift here from Ed," she said, as he opened the car door for her to step inside.

He turned on the heater and soon warmth filled the enclosure. The car started without any problems and he started driving to her cabin.

She leaned back in the seat and allowed the heat blasting out to surround her. The road ahead remained visible and soon enough, he turned onto the small dirt road that led to a row of cabins including hers.

"Who lives there," Matt pointed to another cabin.

"Oh that's Joel's," C.J. said, "It looks like he's home."

"Does he have any kind of…social life?"

C.J. smiled.

"He had a fiancée, I think her name was Elaine," she said, "but she dumped him for a much older man, a judge in New York."

"I'm not surprised," Matt said, "He's got a lot to learn about how to relate to women."

C.J. raised her brow at that statement.

"You mean like you," she said, "Houston, there's more to a relationship between a man and a woman than sex."

He shot a look at her and she looked away, not believing that she had actually said that.

"That's not fair C.J.," he said, "We were good friends long before we were lovers."

She nodded at that.

"True," she said, "but how many close friends have you had that were women?"

"I love women," Matt said, a bit defensively, "I've had many friendships over the years with them."

"Okay that wasn't fair," she admitted, "but we spent years as great friends and we never wound up in bed together."

Certainly true, he admitted, but things had clearly changed between them. And he for one didn't want to go back, but what about her?

"Do you regret what happened," he asked.

She shook her head.

"I'm the one who said I loved you."

Her words irked Matt but he knew he had only himself to blame for that. She had exposed her feelings to him and he had stepped back. He had believed at the time he had plenty of opportunity to share his own feelings but the explosion had nearly made a liar out of him.

"If I regretted what happen, I'd regret this baby and I don't."

The resolution in her voice when she said that made him smile. She had always been stubborn about sticking to things on principle and about the people she cared about in her life.

"I don't regret it either," he said, turning into the small driveway by the cabin.

"The baby or being with me?"

They got out of the car and walked into the cabin. C.J. turned on the lights and Matt started up the fire, her last question still between them.

"You don't have to stay," she said, "I'm okay."

"I want to stay," he said, "We need to talk about what's going on here."

She went to the kitchen to make some tea and asked him if he wanted anything to drink. He shook his head and she headed back to make herself comfortable on the sofa in front of the fire.

"I don't regret anything," he said, "Just being away from you."

She looked up at him to read his face which showed a mixture of emotions.

"I never meant to keep this from you," she said, "You coming back was such a big shock, one I'm grateful for, but still a shock."

"I'm not going anywhere," he said, "and I would never walk away from the two of you."

She looked at the flames dancing in the fireplace, knowing that he never would have made that statement unless he meant it.

"So what happens now," she asked, "Where do we go from here?"

"We could get married…"

If he expected her to happily agree to that, he didn't know her a well as he thought. She just looked at him for a long moment, making him feel like he was under a microscope.

"Usually when a fellow asks a lady that question, he gets more of an answer."

That fiery look came back into her eyes again and Matt wondered what was coming next.

"What did I say," he asked.

She folded her arms.

"I can't do it."

"Do what?"

"Marry you," she said, "Not like this."

Now he felt really confused.

"Like what?"

She sighed again.

"Because we had sex and you got me pregnant."

She pulled her feet up on the sofa and tucked them beneath her, studying the perplexed expression on his face, mixed with a trace of hurt. She hadn't meant to upset him but she meant what she said, she couldn't marry him just because he thought it was the right step to take He scratched his head.

"I thought it took a man and a woman together to make a baby."

She blushed a bit at that obvious truth, refraining herself from throwing a cushion at him.

"True," she said, "but I don't want you to marry me because you feel like you have to do it."

"C.J. I want to do it," he said, "A child needs both of his or her parents to raise it."

She believed that too, remembering how the both of them had often wished they had both of their parents in their lives. Matt had never known his mother while growing up and she lost both of her parents. But marriage, that had to be based on something more than obligation.

"I know that Houston," she said, "but we can do that without being married to each other."

He pondered that.

"We don't have to do it that way," he said, "My way is better."

C.J. shook her head. Had she really not known he was old fashioned? But he had asked the other women to marry him based on the fact that he loved them. At least at the time.

"I'm not going to marry you," C.J. said, "and you don't have to ask out of some sense of obligation."

"That's not why I'm asking," he said.

She sighed again.

"Isn't it?"

Matt heard the weary tone in her voice and sensed that somehow he was its source. She had looked away from him again so he couldn't read her expression.

"Houston, maybe we only got together because of the case we were working on," she said, "Pretending we were married caused us to let our guards down."

He listened to her try to rationalize the night they had spent together.

"A bunch of circumstances that came up that might never repeat itself," she said.

"Wait a minute here," Matt interjected, "If that's the case, then what about the other night?"

Oh yeah, when they had been together in her kitchen washing dishes and one thing had led to another until she had brought it to a halt.

"About that…"

She had been about to blame it on hormones but then she'd be lying.
"Yes about that," Matt said, "and yet you don't want to get married?"

She closed her eyes, imagining it like she had for much longer than she would be willing to admit. But in her visions he had loved her and had married her for that reason, not because she had accidently gotten pregnant. Damn it, she had used birth control but of course it hadn't worked. Had she told him that? Well no, because they had been busy doing other things at the time. Maybe he thought she had gotten pregnant on purpose. She shook her head quickly, knowing that he knew her better than that. At least she hoped so.

"What's so bad about getting married," he said, "You told me that you loved me."

She rolled her eyes, wondering when he got to be so dense. She had loved him most of her life and he had treated her like some girl Friday whether she had been serving as the top attorney in his corporation or helping him out on his investigative business. A part of his life that eventually pushed most of the women in his life away.

"I did tell you that and I meant it," she said, "but it's not enough of a reason to get married."

Now frustration began to fill him.

"Then what is?"

She looked at him and shook her head, especially since the expression which met her eyes appeared genuinely confused. She stood up and put her hands on her hips.

"If I have to explain that to you, then I really can't marry you."

She walked off to the kitchen to cool off and pour herself some more tea. She wondered if he would follow her but he appeared glued to his chair. She checked the kettle on the stove and it still felt warm enough to the touch so she poured more water into her mug to steep her tea. The first mug had relaxed her but her conversation with Matt had stirred her up again. In more ways than one. She couldn't believe that he had thrown this half-hearted marriage proposal at her, just because of the baby. All she had heard so far from him on the subject was how obligated he felt to do the right thing by his flesh and blood. Okay, she admitted she was happy that he felt responsible enough to express those sentiments when some of the other men in her life would have turned tail and run if she had given them the same news. She knew Matt never ran away from anything, except perhaps from his feelings for her. Maybe he didn't know how he really felt…no Matt pretty much knew what he wanted in his life and didn't let anything or anyone get in his way. One of the reasons why he had proven to be an excellent businessman and a top notch private investigator. So why…

She took her mug out into the living room and Matt sat where she had left him, watching her carefully as she sat back in front of him. He looked at his watch.

"I should be going," he said.

She frowned.

"You don't have to go…"

"It's getting late," he said, "and you need your sleep."

She smiled at him putting the mug down.

"But we were talking…"

He ran his hand through his hair.

"I asked you to marry me and you refused," he said, "Maybe we should leave it at that tonight."

"I'm not doing this to hurt you," she said, "If I get married to you or anyone else, it would have to be for a better reason than you've given me."

"But the baby…"

She held her hand up.

"I'm more than capable of taking care of our child," she said, "without getting married to you."

He scratched his head.

"Why won't you marry me?"

She willed herself to be patient and part of her wanted to just spill it out to him but she knew he had to figure out this on his own.

"It's not you," she said, "It's me. I can't marry someone out of a sense of obligation. I'm not going to change my mind on that."

He bristled inwardly. Damn, she could be stubborn when she chose to be. He knew from experience that if he wanted to change her mind, he had to approach it from a different angle. But what that would be, would take some more thought. He picked up his things to leave her. She watched him, her heart sinking even as she put a smile on her face.

"I'm going to be back," he promised her, "We're not done talking."

She nodded and walked him to the door. He put his hands on his shoulder and kissed her on the forehead, telling her good night. She closed her eyes wishing he wouldn't leave but knowing she had to let him go.

And with that he left, closing the door behind her leaving her alone.

Chapter 20

C.J. lay in her bed that morning, having barely slept a wink all night. Her thoughts had focused on that conversation she had with Matt when he had thrown that half-hearted marriage proposal in her face. Sure she had imagined what it would be like if he had ever asked her to marry him but somehow, her fantasies hadn't gone quite this way. In them, he had told her that he had loved her more than life itself, couldn't live without her and had even gone down on one knee in a variety of settings, wearing a variety of clothing or none at all when he had asked her the most important question in her life.

She didn't feel queasy this morning but she didn't feel like springing out of bed either. She knew he had meant it when he told her he would be back but what could she say to him? He had asked her to marry her out of a sense of obligation to their baby.

The phone rang and she reached around to pick it up. She groaned when she saw it was Maurice.

"Hello," she said warily.

"Well hi there," he greeted her sounding a bit too cheery, "I hope I didn't wake you up."

"No I'm wide awake," she said, "What do you need?"

He hesitated.

"I would like to have a meeting with you this morning at my house."

Something was missing in this equation.

"What about Ed?"

"No, no I wouldn't want to interrupt his creative process," he said, "Besides this is business and I believe you have a good head on your shoulders."

"I worked for one of the largest conglomerates in the world," she said, "I think I could handle one meeting with you but I don't like leaving Ed out of it. It's his film."

Maurice sounded impatient.

"He's not interested in this end of it," he said, "We both know that so what do you say?"

C.J. thought about it. Curiosity getting the better of her.

"Okay, I'm heading to the Brick for some breakfast but I can head to your place after that," she said.

"Great," Maurice said, "See you then."

He hung up the phone on his end and C.J. looked at her own phone, wondering what in the hell the former astronaut had in mind.

---

Matt stared at his coffee in the Brick for a long time. Shelli walked over and watched him watch his coffee for a shorter period of time.

"You asked her to marry you," she guessed, "and she said no."

Matt blinked his eyes in surprise.

"How did you…"

She sat down at the table, holding onto her abdomen.

"You have the same expression on your face that Hollings had when I turned him down."

Matt sipped his coffee.

"She doesn't want to get married," he said, "and I don't want my child to grow up without his father."

Shelli looked confused.

"Did she tell you she wouldn't let you see your baby?"

Matt shook his head.

"Then what's your problem" Shelli started, "You don't need a piece of paper to be a father."

"Where I come from, men marry the mothers of their children," Matt said, "Of course that's usually before they get them pregnant."

"It's not much different where I'm from," Shelli agreed, "but I know that Hollings would never leave me alone to raise Hollings jr. He's just not the marrying kind."

Matt didn't seem placated much by that.

"What's the matter with her not marrying you," Shelli asked, "Is there something else?"

He paused.

"Actually I never really knew my father," he said, "I was adopted."

Shelli furrowed her brow.

"I thought your father ran an oil company," she said.

"He did, that is my adopted father did," Matt explained, "but my biological father was a wildcatter who got a woman pregnant and then left her."

Shelli nodded.

"That can happen," she said, "My best friend Ellis grew up not knowing her father but he was a traveling salesman."

"I had a great family life growing up," Matt said, "but I want my child to grow up knowing that his father will always be there for him."

Shelli folded her arms.

"And a marriage paper guarantees that," she said, "As many people try to get out of marriages as get into them."

Matt knew that were true but his own father had loved his mother devoutly until she died, as did his Uncle Roy with his own deceased wife. Matt wanted his own relationship with a woman to mirror that of the men in his life, as soon as he figured out exactly what woman he wanted to share that with, which he thought he had done.

He started to continue but Shelli shrugged.

"Forget the piece of paper," she said, "All I want is a man who loves me and worships the ground I walk on and I had to come to Cicely, Alaska to find that."

"But you and him…"

Shelli smiled.

"We couldn't be more different," she said, "And yeah, at first he got freaked out over the whole age thing but once he got his head straight, he followed his heart and here we are…"

She patted her abdomen happily.

"I do care about her a great deal," he said, "I always had."

Shelli rolled her eyes.

"That's all nice and everything," she said, "but those words aren't the ones a woman wants to hear from the man she loves."

He frowned.

"No I guess not."

Shelli grew impatient, believing men could be so dense sometimes, but she reined it in because underneath his cluelessness about women, Matt seemed like an honorable guy.

"So do you love her," she asked, "That's the question that you need to figure out an answer for and then share it with her."

---

C.J. walked into the Brick with Chris who she had run into on her way to dig into her daily hearty meal before heading off to deal with Maurice. Chris had a magnetism surrounding her that she couldn't define but he attracted women to him like bees to honey. Other residents had joked about wanting to bottle whatever it was he had and sell it on EBay.

She just knew she liked him and his flirtatious manner put her at ease. It felt nice to know that she still attracted a good looking man even if it wasn't the man she loved.

"I really like your poetry," she told him as they went to find a seat.

Matt watched as they walked by him without paying him a bit of attention. C.J. probably had missed him as preoccupied as she was with whatever Chris was telling her. Whenever he saw her with other men, he had always felt a twinge of jealousy that caught him by surprise. Why he felt that way he couldn't figure out because they had been great friends most of their lives but they had never taken their relationship further than that. Neither dared to jeopardize their friendship though Matt had wished that rule had been eased on more than a few occasions. But he remembered when she had been dating Carl, the quietly confident businessman she had hooked up with again after having dated him casually in college. He had caught them in an embrace on the helipad outside his penthouse suite and had felt a feeling of possessiveness run through him that had shocked him. But they hadn't noticed as wrapped up as they were in each other.

When she called him in tears from a hospital to tell him that he had been killed by the psychotic secret admirer, he had dropped everything including a bodacious prosecutor in Houston to rush to her side. And later on as he accompanied her to a funeral and she stood by the graveside afterward, so forlorn in her black outfit, he had felt a pang of guilt that he had ever felt jealous of the man.

Robert, now that had been a different story. She had actually accused him of being jealous of him and in that case, he had been concerned that the man they both thought they knew had been intent on killing whoever got in the way of his dream of being a television anchorman. His suspicions towards Robert had even nearly gotten him killed and the thought of her being tied to a killer tore at his gut, washing away any jealousy he might have felt at the two of them together.

She had wound up having to betray Robert to bring him to justice for his crimes and that bothered Matt to this day. Of course she had insisted on playing a role in the charade at the motel but still, Matt had never been in her shoes.

"So when is your next book coming out," C.J. asked Chris as they both sipped orange juice.

The radio and DJ shrugged.

"Whenever it moves me," he said, "I've learned that you can't force these things. Everything has its place and time."

"What about your brother?"

Chris brightened.

"He's coming to town next week to do a reading for me," he said, "He's a world traveler and he's written poetry of his journeys."

She thought that sounded so nice, being a lover of traveling the world herself. While working with Matt, the two of them had traveled the world, sometimes at a moment's notice.

"So how are you doing," he asked her.

She smiled.

"I'm feeling great and I'm having a lot of fun working with Ed on his movie."

Chris nodded.

"I can't wait to see it," he said, "Ed's a great talent and I think he's starting to realize it."

"He's a very nice young man," C.J. said, "with a bright future ahead of him."

"So how's Maurice treating you both?"

C.J. grimaced.

"I have a meeting with him later on," she said, "I think he's going to try to use me to gain more control of Ed's film."

Chris chuckled.

"That Maurice, he never gives up," he said, "though he means well enough."

C.J.'s brows shot up.

"No I mean it," Chris insisted, "Most people think he's just a ruthless business man who wants to bury Cicely in strip malls and movie houses but he's got a pretty big heart."

She thought that might be true but she hadn't really seen it yet. Still, she knew that Chris knew the man better than she did.

"I just want him to give Ed the space he needs to do his film," she said, "and that's what I'm going to tell him."

Chris smiled approvingly.

"Nicely of course," she amended.

"You're a really fine woman," he told her.

"Really?"

"He's not a very smart man if he doesn't realize that," Chris noted.

Her eyes began to sting.

"He's a very smart man," she said, "He's also a traditionalist about many things involving family."

"My father traveled all the time," Chris said, "It broke my mother's heart and it would have broken her heart to know that what she had suspected about him were true."

She nodded, blinking the moisture away from her eyes.

"That he was seeing other women…"

"I was shocked when I met my brother for the first time," Chris said, "but I wasn't surprised because we have a bond between us that brought us together."

"It sounds wonderful," C.J. said, "I always wanted a brother or a sister."

He looked at her concerned by her expression.

"Are you okay," he asked, "Listen, do you need anything?"

She shook her head.

"It's just hormones," she said, "Being pregnant and all."

He accepted her answer though she didn't add that having Matt back in the picture after his "death" had thrown her on an emotional rollercoaster that she couldn't blame on biological influences. But then it had always been like that with him. She never really knew where she stood with him, not in terms of their deep friendship, but underneath the layers they had built in their relationship over the years. The relationship that the important people in their lives hadn't understood and had on some occasions, resented. Her last boyfriend before she had gone physical with Matt had thrown her relationship with her friend in her face before breaking off with her. She had thought about it as she always did and wondered if he were right. She knew years ago she had wanted something much more from him but he had been attracted to many women and she had buried her feelings deep inside beneath her ambitions and life had gone forward. But did she really want that now? What did she really want from him?

---

Matt sat alone, throwing a glance every now and then to where C.J. sat talking to Chris, trying to stem his impulse to go on over to her table and talk with her. He looked instead at the pile of files in front of him and how he had promised Murray to have the balance of the invoices faxed out to the L.A. office by the end of the day. He sipped his coffee and sorted through them but his thoughts wandered to the last argument he had in his office with one of his now ex-lovers over his relationship with C.J. She had refused to believe him when he told her it was not what she thought and a harder time convincing himself after she left him, when his mind wondered about what it would be like to…No, he had shaken his head to clear that vision. They were friends and nothing more, as it always had been, as it always would be. Life was just less complicated that way. But it made his social life hell.

Matt's girlfriends had left him more than once after they realized how devoted he was to his business associate and best friend. One of them, Staci he thought it was, had snapped in his face and told her to admit that he had stronger feelings for her than he had admitted. Matt had wearily accepted her departure but attributed it to some insecurities on her part just as he had with the other women. Now he wished he could apologize to all of them and admit that his feelings for C.J. had played a role in his breakups with them. At some times during the past year, he had thought about approaching C.J. and broach the subject with her but she had just smiled at him, patted his hand whenever he tried to say anything and changed the subject to business. But when they had attracted a client whose assignment was for them to pretend they were married to infiltrate an exclusive business fraternity, he had jumped at the chance. A little too enthusiastically, he realized in hindsight.

C.J. looked at him sitting at the table buried in his work before leaving the Brick to go to her meeting with Maurice which she already dreaded. He looked like he hadn't gotten much sleep last night earlier as he ran his hand through his hair and frowned at something, probably a spreadsheet. She resisted the temptation to walk over and offer to help him. Shaking her head, she thought, no, she had to go prevent Maurice from barging into Ed's creative process long enough so that the filmmaker could finish his final product.

---

"Now hold on there," Maurice said, "I have no intention of trying to tell Ed what to put in his movie…"

The two of them sat in the luxurious living room where Maurice had poured some tea for her and a brandy for himself. She had sipped the drink appreciatively, realizing that the man for all his machismo knew his herbal teas. She looked around and saw a picture of a woman she knew was the state trooper, Barbara bench pressing a hefty looking barbell, intense concentration on her face. She wondered how Barbara could stand Maurice but then figured maybe the woman saw something in the man that C.J. and others might have missed.

"I know exactly what you're up to," she said, "Ed's editing his film and doesn't want to be disturbed. When he's finished, you'll be the first to see his final cut."

Maurice smiled.

"Now little lady I know…"

C.J. gritted her teeth.

"Don't call me that," she said, "I might be pregnant but I'm still can hold my own."

He chuckled.

"I have no doubt about that," he said, "I admire your strength, your intellect along with your beauty."

She rolled her eyes at the man.

"Please, you're laying it on a bit thick there," she said, "Let's get back to business."

He nodded.

"Okay," he said, "I just hope that your man is treating you right."

Her brows rose.

"Excuse me," she said, "What did I just tell you?"

"It's just that in my day the men did the honorable thing when one of our little guys hit the mark."

C.J.'s jaw hung open.

"This is not appropriate conversation for a business meeting."

Maurice waved his hand.

"Oh spare me your sexual harassment talk," he said, "Life was a lot similar before all of this political correctness interfered with male, female interactions."

She scowled.

"How would you like a swift kick…?"

His eyes lit up.

"I like it when you get your dander up," he said, "It brings out the sparkle in your eyes and your spirit…"

She waved a finger at him.

"Not one more word…"

Maurice didn't budge.

"I just think when a guy gets a gal like you pregnant, he should do the honorable thing."

She sighed.

"Like you did?"

Maurice fell silent and she felt her conscience prickling her at the back of her neck.

"Listen I'm sorry," she started, "I was out of line. It's just that…"

He nodded.

"I would have married her if I had only known," he said, "But war is different than the rest of life, different rules…"

"I understand," she said, "I've never been to war but I know people who have and had to live with the decisions they make after they've come home."

"I missed a lot of years with my son," Maurice said, "Years I can't ever make up as much as I'd like to but he's grown into a fine man…without me."

She looked down at her tea.

"I didn't tell Matt he would never know his child," she said, "I just didn't agree to his terms."

Maurice looked exasperated.

"Why not," he said, "He doesn't strike me as a man who would walk away from his responsibility."

Those words grated C.J. and she felt anger fill her.

"I want him to see our child as something more than a 'responsibility'," she said, "or an obligation."

"That's part of being a man is to fulfill your obligations," Maurice said, "but he seems to really care about you."

"That may be but we weren't together when we got together," she said, "We were doing a job for a client when this happened."

Maurice looked confused now.

"What kind of gobblygook is that," he said, "Either you are with someone or you're not. Believe me, I know the difference."

The older man shook his head, clearly not understanding her generation.

"I told him I loved him," C.J. said, "More than once, but he's never said it back."

"Maybe he's a man of few words and more action," Maurice pointed out, still holding onto his patience with her, "He seems to be a man of adventure and vision, much like myself."

C.J. pondered that, not seeing the similarity between the two of them. But she realized his reading about Matt's affinity for seeking new challenges through the adventures he signed on for had been perfectly fine…until she got pregnant. She wanted a man who would stick around her and create a family that they could raise together. But was that what he wanted in his life, and if he did what would happen when another adventure came calling?

"It seems to me little lady…I mean C.J…that you have thinking that you need to do so I'm going to adjourn our little meeting here."

She looked up at him, skepticism in her face.

"And you promise to leave Ed alone to work on his film?"

Maurice sighed.

"I promise to let him alone until he shows me the final cut," he said.

C.J. nodded, knowing that's the most she'd get out of the stubborn businessman. But he wasn't done talking with her yet.

"And that's only if you promise to go to your man and let him talk some sense in your head," Maurice said, "or you can straighten him out. Either way just work something out before your child is born."

She almost shot a retort back at him until she picked up something in his voice she hadn't heard there before, a trace of wistfulness for what could have been.

She nodded, agreeing to think about that which was all she could promise right now. She just didn't know how she was going to do it.

Chapter 21

C.J. reentered the Brick after her meeting with Maurice while thinking about the advice he had given her, hard won from his own experiences with his long-lost son. She looked up and saw Matt still sitting and working at a nearby table and smiled to herself as he scratched his head over something. She walked on over to him. He looked up from his work when she arrived.

"Why hello there," he said, "I'm about ready to take a lunch break. Would you like to join me?"

She looked at him in hesitation, then finally nodded and sat down in his booth.

"You look really nice this morning," Matt said.

C.J. looked down at her borrowed jeans and long sweater.

"I'm about to…grow out of my jeans," she said, "but I really like the sweater."

He smiled at her.

"How are you feeling," he asked.

She stretched her arms.

"Pretty good," she said, "I think I'm picking up some energy."

"C.J…"

She sighed.

"I don't want to get into it with you today," she said, "I already told you where I stand."

He shook his head and she looked at him, puzzled.

"Actually I wanted to apologize," he said, "for my behavior last night."

Now she felt really confused.

"For asking me to marry you," she said, "That was very nice of you. I just couldn't say yes."

He leaned back in his seat, pushing his stack of papers aside.

"I didn't do it to be nice…"

"You asked me because you felt a sense of obligation to me and the baby," she finished for him.

He looked at the trace of wariness in her eyes that had shown up just about the time he had broached the subject of last night's conversation.

"I asked you because I want us all to be a family," he said, "Family's very important to both of us."

She couldn't argue with that. They both had grown up as only children without at least one of their parents. He had lost his mother as a young boy and she, both of her parents within a short time. She had always wanted to have children when she found the right man and somehow fit raising a family with the career she had chosen for herself. She still wanted to do that and she knew she had found the right guy, who had as it turned out been in plain sight all along. She just wished that he wanted to marry her for other reasons besides obligation.

Shelli walked up to both of them with her order pad.

"What's up for the both of you today?"

Matt and C.J. both ordered the special and Shelli nodded approvingly after jotting it down and left them alone.

"I know family's important Houston," C.J. said, "but so are other things."

He considered her words but she shook her head at him wondering how he could be so clueless. After all she had told him she loved him quite a few times. When she had nearly been killed by a bullet, and when he had been planning to walk down the aisle with Elizabeth. And after they had spent the night together in that hotel room.

Joel walked past the table and stopped when he saw them together.

"So how are things going with the two of you," he said, "or should I even ask."

C.J. and Matt looked at each other.

"I heard around town that he found out about your pregnancy," Joel said, "It's really a good thing in most cases for both parents to be engaged."

Matt looked at him.

"Excuse me?"

"I mean involved," Joel corrected.

"I have every intention of being involved in raising our child," Matt said, "even if we don't get married right away."

C.J. rolled her eyes at that. The man just never quit, but then she should know that when Matt dug his heels into something, he could be very determined.

"Modern day society doesn't dictate that couples marry before having children," Joel said, "Now certain religions might require that couples undergo some formal commitment ceremony before engaging in childrearing."

"I'm not against marriage," C.J. said, "It just has to be built on more than a sense of obligation."

Joel nodded.

"I'm a strong proponent of the marital ritual," he said, "In fact, I was engaged myself before I came to this desolate corner of the world."

Matt looked at the both of them.

"I don't want my child to grow up without his or her father."

C.J. just dropped her jaw when he said that. What was with him anyway? She had already told him that she wanted him to play a major role in their child's life. But she wasn't going to marry a man who didn't want to spend the rest of his life with her. She didn't have many memories of her parents as a couple but she remembered how much they had loved one another until tragedy had split them up on this earth. She wanted what they had, a man who loved her as much as she loved him, who she could build a life with which included children. What about all that was so difficult to understand?

"I wouldn't want my child to grow up without me in his life either," Joel agreed.

She grew exasperated with both of them at that point.

"Houston, I never told you I would keep our child away from you," she pointed out.

"No you haven't," he said, "but you don't want to get married."

Maggie wandered by at that point to listen in on the discussion and C.J. just threw up her hands at the men and excused herself and walked away. Maggie watched her go and then glared at Matt and Joel.

"What," Joel asked her.

"It's just like you men to treat a woman like that," she said.

"Like what O'Connell." Joel said.

"Like she's got no feelings or if she does, that they don't matter," Maggie said, "The woman's pregnant with his child and all she wants from him… you…are a couple of words strung together about how you feel about her."

Joel shook his head.

"O'Connell, you don't have a clue about what's going on here," he said.

She wagged her finger at the doctor.

"Oh I don't, do I?"

He folded his arms.

"You've not even had a date in months," Joel said, "Unless you count that husky that you thought was Rick a while back."

She threw him the look of daggers.

"Why throw that in my face," she said, "I must have hit a sensitive spot in Dr. Fleishman."

Matt looked back and forth between them, thinking if this is how these two courted each other, their relationship might kill them both before it progressed too far.

"O'Connell, all you've drawn so far are blanks," Joel said, "and until you change your attitude, that's all that will happen."

"Youuuuuuu…..Ahhhh," she said, grabbing her head in frustration, "You are the equivalent of toe fungus and you…"

She pointed at Matt.

"Are probably not a bad specimen of the male gender yourself but you've got a very nice woman who is waiting for you to drop this machismo act…"

Matt raised a brow.

"And tell that woman that you love her so she'll think you're interested in her as a woman you can't keep your hands off of and not just as an incubator for your child."

Both men looked at Maggie but she gave them one last pithy look and then stomped off. Joel shook his head.

"That woman is certifiably crazy," he said.

Matt didn't answer, suddenly thinking that her advice to him didn't sound that crazy at all.

---

C.J. sat and laughed as Chris told her stories at a table next to the bar where she headed after walking away from Matt and Joel. Chris, the perfect gentleman, had pulled out a chair for her and made sure she was comfortable and that her food had been rerouted to his table for her to eat.

"So you and Bernard really can read each others' thoughts," she asked.

Chris shrugged.

"I know it sounds strange but if he's happy, I feel it too," he said, "And when he's here, we can finish each others' sentences."

"That's pretty cool," she said, "I look forward to meeting him."

Chris looked over at where Matt and Joel sat.

"So he's not handling the news well?"

C.J. dug into her food when it arrived at the table.

"He's overjoyed about being a father," she said, "He's always loved kids."

Chris nodded.

"But you're not sure how he feels about you," he said.

She sighed.

"I know he cares about me. We've been best friends a long time," she said, "It's just that for a while…I felt like…there was more than that between us."

Chris nodded again.

"The act of creating a child, bringing forth new life in the world," he said, "That's a very powerful thing. It can literally shift the universe."

"I don't know about that," she said, "but I did tell I loved him."

"What did he say back?"

She looked down at her glass.

"Nothing," she said, "Just that he'd be back after he had gone with those men."

"Before the car blew up and you thought he was inside it," Chris responded.

She nodded.

"I felt at the moment that I had waited my whole life to say those words," she said, "I realized that I had waited even longer for him to say them back."

Chris scratched his head.

"Maybe he's a man of few words," he said, "There's different ways a man can tell a woman he loves her."

C.J. knew that but Matt's focus since he found out about her pregnancy appeared to be on giving his child his name. She knew why, it had to do with his adoption which had been kept hidden from him most of his life. She hadn't known about it until he had told her about it while holding her after they had made love. He had tears in his eyes which she had promptly kissed away. It hadn't mattered to her and it hadn't changed the fact that she had loved him her whole life.

"You don't have trouble coming up with words," she said, "You're a poet after all?"

"That might be," he agreed, "but did you know I once lost my voice and couldn't speak at all?"

She studied him but he appeared serious.

"It's true," he said, "I had lost it to a beautiful woman, a siren, who had been passing through town."

She was fascinated despite herself.

"How did you get it back?"

"The only way I could," he said, "through the kiss of a beautiful woman."

"With Houston it's different," she said, "I don't know if how he feels towards me is the same as I feel about him."

"Did you ever ask him," Chris said.

C.J. started to respond but then hesitated, to really think about it.

"No I guess I really haven't," she said, "I just assumed that if he loved me, he would tell me. Houston's a man who's never had trouble figuring out what he wants."

"Maybe in his own way he's lost his voice," Chris said, "and needs to find the right way to bring it back."

---

Matt looked over at C.J. talking to Chris.

"She seems to really get along well with him."

Joel looked over at the two of them and shrugged.

"Chris is a nice guy," he said, "Definitely eccentric but nice and he attracts women to him like moths."

Matt sighed.

"I didn't mean to upset her," he said, "I just was shocked to find out she was pregnant."

"She was shocked to find out you were still alive," Joel observed, "so that makes the two of you about even."

"Not that I'm unhappy about her being pregnant…"

"Well she is, and she needs to take care of herself, including getting plenty of rest, good field and some attention from you wouldn't hurt…"

Matt nodded.

"Why don't you stop worrying about doing the right thing for a while," Joel said, "and just focus on taking care of her?"

"She can be pretty stubborn."

"She's been alone with this pregnancy for a few months," Joel said, "and that can be overwhelming for a woman in her condition."

Matt knew that he had spent enough time making her life difficult for her, first by allowing her to think that he had been killed in that explosion and now by focusing on how to do right by his child without considering her feelings.

"How's she doing," he said, "her and the baby?"

Joel looked at him.

"Both mother and pending baby to be are doing just fine," he said, "She's set to have her first ultrasound tomorrow."

Matt's eyes widened.

"If you play your cards right," Joel continued, "then she'll invite you to come with her so you can take a look at your child's development in utero."

Nothing could excite Matt more than to be there to share that with her. But he had his work cut out for him to make it clear to her that he wanted to build a family with both her and their baby and he had to figure out just the right way to do that.

Chapter 22

That night the girls got together to play another game in their ongoing Scrabble tournament and promptly decided it was naughty word night. Actually, it was Ruth Ann that had decided that for all of them because it was her night to set the rules for play.

And it quickly became clear why Ruth Ann had done that because within the first 30 minutes of play, she had taken a huge lead.

Shelli sighed and hoisted herself up to make another trip to the restroom.

"That's it for me," she said, "Ruth Ann, I think I've just met a whole different side of you."

The other women had to nod in agreement as the older woman collected her winnings with a huge smile on her face.

"It's only fair," Ruth Ann said, "Seniority should have some benefits besides Eve made up a lot of ground in that last round."

Maggie pushed her panel of letters aside.

"That's only because of that rule allowing double points if you knew how to spell the words in Latin," she said.

Eve shrugged.

"I'm a student of medicine so Latin is my second language," she said.

Shelli waddled back to her seat.

"Besides, she won that ruling on whether 'cigar' counts as a word."

Eve gingerly bit into the organic hypo allergic, gluten-and-sugar-free cookies she had baked.

"Freud says it counts," she said.

Maggie didn't appear impressed.

"No he didn't," he said, "He said sometime's it's just a cigar."

Several women argued and the others who sat and listened, hoped that the cold snap would end soon before cabin fever set in. Shelli got up to refresh the snack table with some of Dave's beef jerky which had proven popular.

C.J. stretched her arms. She had tried to keep her attention focused on the game but that had proven difficult to do given her last conversation with Matt stuck in her head. Maybe Chris had been right in that he had in a sense lost his own voice and she had to help him find it. No wait a minute, wasn't he supposed to help her without smothering her in a perfunctory marriage proposal? She wanted what she had thought they shared the night they had conceived their child but felt alone there.

"So I heard you're having your ultrasound tomorrow," Shelli said.

It didn't appear that there were any secrets in Cicely, C.J. thought.

"It's scheduled for tomorrow morning," she said, "I can't wait."

Shelli smiled broadly.

"It's so exciting to see your baby for the first time," she said, "even if it kind of looks like a blob."

Eve disagreed.

"I think more like a frog," she said, "But there's a reason for that, according to most experts. The development of the baby from zygote to full term, through the fetal stages mirrors the evolution of the human species."

Shelli's mouth hung open.

"Could you like say that in English?"

Eve looked at her with pity for a moment, before remembering not everyone had informed themselves as much on the gestational stages of pregnancy as she had even before she had gotten pregnant.

"An amphibian is an earlier form of the Cro Magnum species so it only makes sense that an early fetus looks like a frog."

The other women looked at each other and started talking at once.

"Just remember if you think you see a tail," Shelli advised, "That it's not a tail."

Maggie scowled.

"Don't listen to them C.J.," she said, "I'm sure it will be an experience that will leave you feeling fully empowered as a woman in charge of her own destiny and that of her body."

Shelli shook her head.

"Spoken by a woman who's never had to pee a dozen times a day."

The other women muttered in agreement. Shelli held her hands up.

"I still think it's an absolutely bitchin' experience," she said, "although Hollings passed out during the first one. Joel's been keeping a stash of smelling salts close by ever since."

Maggie looked at C.J.

"Will Matt be going with you," she said, "or would you like one of us to come?"

C.J. looked at the pilot thinking that was one of the nicest offers she had received in a while but she knew who she wanted there with her.

"I'm going to invite him," she said, "It's up to him if he wants to come."

Maggie nodded approvingly.

"That's the spirit."

Shelli shrugged.

"I'm sure he'll want to come," she said, "if just to prove that he has hit the bulls eye. Men are just funny like that."

C.J. knew that Matt could never stay away from the opportunity to be involved in his child's life which would include her pregnancy. She knew also she would never deny him that no matter how much he frustrated her right now. She understood why he had pushed the marital issue with all the subtly of a busting bronc but she didn't agree with him that a piece of paper could ensure their child both a life filled with love and stability. That was something that both parents had to commit to providing whether they lived together or not and she knew that beneath it all, Matt understood that. Even if he was having trouble saying it right now.

"I'm sure wild horses wouldn't keep him away," she said, with a smile on her face.

---

Hollings had sent Dave home for the night and swept the floor of the Brick while the women held their tournament upstairs. Matt still sat the table finishing some paperwork after having faxed the last of the business invoices to Murray before returning to the restaurant to review several quarterly reports of companies that he had incorporated into Houston Industries.

The older man gave him a couple looks while getting ready to close up for the night.

"They should be wrapping it up pretty soon," Hollings said when he neared Matt's booth.

Matt nodded and started placing the reports in the folder.

"You must be very busy with your company to give it so much time," Hollings said, "I only own one restaurant and I was thinking of hiring some more help when the baby comes."

"I've got plenty of help," Matt said, "There's just a few responsibilities only I can handle even though I don't deal with the day to day operations anymore."

"You don't," Hollings said, somewhat surprised, "You could have fooled me with all those papers you've spread on my tables the past week."

Matt smiled.

"I started this company from scratch and built an empire," he said, "but about a year ago, I walked away from it to focus on my detective agency. The majority of the profits now go to a charitable foundation."

When most people had gotten the news about his move, they had thought he had been crazy or at the very least, eccentric. Not Hollings, it appeared. Besides if Matt truly marched to the beat of a different drummer, he was in the right place in Cicely.

"That's awfully generous of you," Hollings said, "You must help a lot of people that way."

"C.J. left the company with me after being my right hand man and partnered in my agency."

Hollings nodded.

"That's how you wound up getting killed," he said, "in a manner of speaking."

"You could say that."

"You know it's going to be tough on a pregnant woman if she doesn't know whether you'll be coming home at night or not," Hollings ventured.

"I'm aware of that."

Hollings continued anyway.

"I had to give up a few of my higher risk activities," he said, "including rock climbing, rappelling down glaciers and bear wrestling."

Matt's eyebrows rose.

"My grand-daddy did that," he said, "in some Wild West show."

Hollings nodded.

"It's still a popular sport in these parts," he said, "You've probably heard about Jesse."

Matt had learned about him in bits and pieces since arriving in Cicely and tapping into the folk lore.

"You and he had some confrontations over the years," he said, "but he died during one of his winter hibernations and you thought his spirit had gone with him."

"After I realized that, I was able to settle down a bit and not long after that, Shelli got pregnant," Hollings said.

Matt wondered if the man who had pioneer blood running in his veins whether he realized it or not could ever settle down even to raise a child. But he Matt had been an adventurer too and he knew that despite his years spent living on adrenalin from one adventure to the next, his child would always come first in his life along with his or her mother.

His father had made time for him even if he hadn't always placed him first. Matt knew that his father had loved him even after he realized he couldn't mold his only child into his own image. That Matt had his own life to live and dreams to pursue. The two had gone through a period of estrangement about the time that Matt had enlisted in the military but the realization of how short could be pushed them back together. That and a stubborn young woman that would give his father the grandchild he wouldn't live to see.

---

C.J. walked down the stairs after the tournament had broken up for the night and saw him sitting in his chair, diligently working on something. Probably last minute attention given to some documents that Murray had sent him to complete. He looked so ruggedly handsome in his jeans and woolen shirt, it took her breath away just as it always did. As if sensing her presence, Matt looked up to see her standing there.

"You ready to go?"

Matt had promised to drive her back to the cabin. She had vetoed his offer at first but he had persisted, insisting that it was his responsibility to make sure that she got home safely. The problem was that if she were alone with him in the cabin, she wouldn't feel safe. And the kind of safety she meant had little to do with security, because she trusted him with her life. She just didn't trust him with her heart. The other night in the kitchen…well she couldn't let him do that with her again not with some critical issues standing between them.

She nodded and he picked up his things and put on his thick coat. She bundled herself up to set foot outside in the frigid air and they both said goodbye to Hollings and walked to Matt's car.

They drove in silence, and C.J. marveled at the reflection of the street lights on the icicles clinging to the tree branches. Matt turned down the familiar long drive to her cabin and parked in front. She opened up the cabin door quickly and stepped inside. He quickly moved to the fire place to get one started to warm up the cabin.

When he had started up a good sized fire, he turned around and she stood in front of him.

"That should keep you nice and warm," he said.

She nodded, not sure what to say next.

"C.J…"

She spoke too.

"I'm going to Dr. Fleischman's tomorrow morning for the ultrasound," she said, "It's my first one and if you'd like to come, I'd like you to be there."

He blinked his eyes.

"I wouldn't miss it."

She smiled at him.

"I'm really glad that you're here with me," she said, "with us."

"I wouldn't be anywhere else," he said, "and I mean that."

She nodded as he approached her, not knowing how to respond.

"Would you like something to drink," she said, "Some tea…"

He shook his head and the way he looked at her, made her forget what she had just asked him.

"I don't know…"

Matt interrupted her when he placed his hands on her shoulders and drew her in for the kiss, one of those he used to knock susceptible women like her off of their feet. When their lips met, everything else receded around them and soon enough, she had her arms wrapped around him, running her hands through his soft hair. She closed her eyes just inhaling the essence of him and then his fingers moved towards the buttons on her shirt and one by one, he began undoing them. He had gotten to the third one when she opened her eyes and suddenly pushed him away.

"I can't do this," she said, shaking her head.

Matt looked at her puzzled, his heart still racing.

"Why not?"

Her skin tingled where his fingers had brushed it while working on her shirt and she tried to remember why she had even interrupted him. But then she did and she tried to find the words that wouldn't hurt his feelings.

"I just can't," she said, "Not like this…"

He felt impatience build within him.

"Not like what," he said, "You were kissing me just a second ago."

She still felt that on her mouth, but she had to follow reason which told her to put the brakes on whatever had just happened between them.

"I know," she said, "but we have to think about this."

"Why," he asked, "It's not like you have to worry about getting pregnant now."

Uh oh, the moment those words had slipped out of his mouth straight from his libido, he knew he was in trouble. Her eyes sparked with something that looked more like anger than passion.

"Why you…I can't believe you just said that…"

Matt couldn't either but at the time he had just wanted her too much.

"C.J. I'm sorry," he said, "I'm not sure why but whatever I did or said that upset you…"

She looked at him, wearily.

"I think you should go now."

He didn't know if he had heard her right but the expression on her face didn't leave much room for debate. Searching his mind for any explanation for her behavior, he settled on some mention that Joel had made about hormones…yes it had to be from her pregnancy. The C.J. he had known all his life just didn't behave like the woman in front of him. But then again, he hadn't known everything about her including that she had a cute tattoo of a frog on her left hip until just several months ago. He had smiled to himself when he had discovered that.

"Okay I'll go but this discussion's not over."

She shook her head at him.

"Houston, we weren't even talking."

He walked to the front door and then turned around to look at her.

"I'll see you at the ultrasound tomorrow and then we're going to the Brick to celebrate, okay?"

She warmed to that suggestion and nodded.

"I'll look forward to it," she said.

He left the cabin then, closing the door behind her leaving her alone with her thoughts one of them being how she really needed a cold shower about now.

Chapter 23

Matt was on time for the doctor's appointment but then she knew he would be. He walked inside with her as she checked in with Marilyn who said that the doctor would be available in a few minutes. They then sat down in the waiting area and C.J. tried to contain her excitement about taking her first good look at the life growing inside of her. She glanced sideways at Matt to see his expression but he remained quietly sitting there. She picked up a magazine that was about six months old and pretended to be reading it.

"Thanks for inviting me," he said, simply.

She looked over at him and smiled.

"I wouldn't deny you this experience Houston," she said, "It's your baby too."

He smiled at her when she said that, knowing that there were still problems between them since he had returned from the dead but they still had this to share between them. And she meant it, he could be there with her every step of the way if he chose and she knew for him there would be no other path.

"Will it tell us if it's a boy or a girl," he asked.

"Maybe," she said, "It might be too early to be sure and I don't really care either way. It might be nice to be surprised."

He nodded.

"Me neither. I'm fine either way."

She chuckled at that.

"Oh come on," she said, "A part of most men is the secret desire to have a son that they can show the ropes to about being a guy."

"I'm not most men," he said as if she needed reminding, "A son might be nice but so would be a daughter who looked just like her mother."

She flushed a bit at that, turning her face away enough so he wouldn't see it. But it was a little bit difficult to hide.

"I just want him or her to be healthy," she said, "That's all I think anyone can wish for."

He slipped her hand in his own and held onto it.

"He or she is going to be as healthy as a horse," he said, "And he or she will keep the two of us very busy chasing around after them."

C.J. smiled at the thought of that.

"He or she might have your arm and want to play football," she said, "Or ride broncos just to win a side bet."

"He or she might want to be a lawyer and fight court battles," he said, "Maybe even be a judge."

"That would be interesting," she said, "a son or daughter who has a law degree and rides broncos on the rodeo circuit on the weekend."

He chuckled at that. Joel walked out of his examination room and watched the two of them.

"I seen that both of you have made it here for the ultrasound," he said, "That's a milestone in every woman's pregnancy to take the first look at the developing fetus while it's still inside her body."

"I've been looking forward to it," C.J. said.

Joel nodded.

"Come in, we'll start with the exam and then call him in when it's time to take a look," he said.

C.J. left with Joel and Matt tried to bide the time away by flipping through some magazines. He had left his work where he was staying, intent on focusing all of his attention on the doctor's visit.

"Nervous?"

Matt looked up and saw Marilyn looking at him.

"A little."

She shrugged.

"It will be all right."

She said, and then returned back to her knitting. Matt ran his hand through his hair while he waited, wondering what took so long. Finally Joel came out of the room to fetch him. He walked into the exam and C.J. lay on the examining table and Joel finished preparing her for the ultrasound. C.J. waited, biting her lip, feeling suddenly a bit nervous. Without thinking, Matt reached for her hand and held it in his own. She loved it that he did that.

"I guess I'm ready as I'll ever be," she said and Joel started the machine.

When the image came up on the screen, Joel pointed out the pertinent parts as both Matt and C.J. squinted their eyes to look at their baby.

"He's pretty tiny," Matt noted.

"Well he or she's still got a ways to go before birth," Joel explained, "but the fetus looks very good, very healthy."

C.J. breathed a sigh of relief and realized that she didn't even know she had been holding her breath that long. She felt herself relax at the news that her baby appeared healthy and she looked over at Matt but his eyes were fixated on the screen.

"This is amazing," he said, "I never thought I'd see anything so amazing."

Joel smiled.

"The miracles of modern day medicine," he said, "Only a hundred years ago, there was no way to see the baby until it was born."

Matt touched the screen with his finger.

"What's this?"

"The baby's heartbeat," C.J. answered, caught in her own sense of wonder at the miracle of life.

And Matt knew that even if he lived to be a ripe old age, he would never forget the morning spent in a remote corner of Alaska looking at his own child for the first time.

After Matt and C.J. left Joel's office, they headed for lunch at the Brick. Matt had been pretty much rendered speechless by what he had seen and C.J. fell into a reflective silence as well. When they entered into the restaurant, Shelli greeted them at the door.

"Adam's in the kitchen working on a soufflé and has kicked everyone else out," she said, "But there's still some soup on the stove if you'd like some."

Matt looked at C.J. and she nodded, before they went to sit in one of the booths. Shelli returned to their table after placing their orders.

"You had your ultrasound didn't you," she asked, "How'd it go?"

C.J. smiled.

"It was…"

"Amazing…," Matt finished.

"That's so bitchin'," Shelli said, "Hollings and I had to fly to Anchorage to get ultrasounds until Maurice finally bit the bullet and bought the town a machine."

"Dr. Fleischman said the baby's healthy and growing very well," C.J. said, "I didn't realize how much I wanted to be reassured until he told me."

Shelli beamed.

"Of course everything's going well," she said, "You're still very young and you've got plenty of years to pop out babies ahead of you."

Matt and C.J. looked at each other.

"I think I'm going to pace myself," C.J. said with a smile.

Shelli nodded.

"That's probably smart," she said, "though try to tell the men that."

She shook her head walking back to the bar. Matt and C.J. watched her go.

"That will be you soon enough," Matt said with a smile.

C.J. rubbed her forehead.

"I think I can wait a little while before I start bursting," she said, "I already have to change my wardrobe. Those women were so thoughtful to give me some clothes."

"Yeah I imagine it might be difficult to find some…"

"Maternity clothes, Houston…"

He brightened.

"Oh yes, I mean the selection here might not be as good as…"

"A big city like L.A. you mean," she finished for him.

He nodded.

"Houston, I like it here," she said, "I'm not saying I want to stay here forever or even have the baby here but for the first time in a long time, I feel really at home somewhere. I don't think I've really felt that way since we left Texas."

Matt knew what she meant. As much as he liked L.A., he had mostly come out west to prove to himself and his very successful father that he could build a great life for himself under his own steam. He had always loved spending time with his father but he felt a bit chafed by the family name and all it represented in the business and political world. He wanted to provide the same gift to any children he had and this one would be a good place to start.

"So how long do you plan on staying here," he asked.

She shrugged.

"At least until Ed's film premieres," she said, "I don't think I want to miss that and I want to have some more time to relax before I go back to the old world."

"We don't have to go back to L.A.," he said, "We could start someplace fresh."

She shook her head, even as a part of her grabbed at the idea of doing just that.

"Houston, you've got family in L.A.," she reminded him, "Your uncle Roy and your cousin live there."

"You and our baby are my family," he said, "and I want us to find a place where we can provide him or her with the same kind of life that we enjoyed."

C.J. wanted that for her child, to grow up in a place where the roots of community ran deep and where there would be plenty of space for him or her to run, to play and to grow up. Some place like Texas. But Matt had ties to L.A. that he had just reconnected with during the past year or so and the casual attitude didn't hide the deep seated feelings of desire within Matt to rebuild the ties with the family that he had left. But what lie deep inside was the feeling that she needed to love and be loved by the father of her children. She knew she loved Matt and had told him that, but what about his feelings towards her?

Matt watched the pensiveness settle over her face and wondered what had occupied her mind. He realized he had left her question unanswered but she had to know how much he cared for her and their child. After all, he had made it clear to her that he planned to be there for her and the baby even if it meant leaving L.A. Even if it had meant moving permanently to this remote town in Alaska to be there for his family.

He didn't regret how his life had turned out at all. In the back of his mind, he had always known that C.J. would be a fixture in his life, ever since they had first met as small children in rural Texas. His father had asked him without pushing the issue if he was ever going to find a woman like her, meaning her. But Matt had not been able to see his lifelong friend in that light. Until the night they had spent together and now he had trouble seeing her any other way.

He looked up and saw Chris approach the table where they sat, just after Shelli had brought them some thick vegetable and beef soup. C.J. had settled into her meal happily and Matt had eaten his soup after making sure that she had eaten hers.

"Hi Chris," C.J. said.

He stopped and stared at her.

"I don't know what it is about you," he said, "but you just have this glow."

"We just got back from the doctor," Matt explained, "Dr. Fleischman showed us an ultrasound of our baby."

Chris' brows rose.

"That must have been out of sight," he said, "You know some of the great philosophers might say that the miracle of life doesn't have to be seen to be fully appreciated...whereas others might say that confronting life's miracle makes us all believers."

C.J. nodded.

"That makes some sense Chris."

Matt noticed the way she said his name but then he had heard about the young dee jay's magnetism around women.

"What do you think Houston," she asked, "Do you agree with Chris or not?"

Matt looked at the both of them.

"I view my child as a miracle," he said, "if that makes sense."

Chris nodded.

"Yeah man," he said, "It totally does. I mean I wouldn't know because as far as I know I've never had kids…"

"As far as you know," Matt asked.

Chris shrugged.

"I go wherever life moves me," he said, "Like my own father."

Matt shook his head.

"I could never turn my back on my own child," he said.

Chris nodded at that too.

"That's totally powerful man," he said, "and it's from the heart."

Matt found himself growing irritated.

"Of course it is," he said, "My daddy taught me from the time I was a little boy about the importance of family."

Chris sighed.

"My father never was around to teach me much of anything," he said, "But my mother said I have his wanderlust."

C.J. looked at the both of them.

"I think it's great that you knew that about your fathers," she said, "Mine died when I was very young. I don't have many memories left of him."

"You know that he loved you very much," Matt said.

C.J. nodded.

"But he's not going to ever know my child," she said, "but then my mother died too when I was just young enough to remember her."

Matt had always known that the loss of both her parents at such a young age had molded her into the kind of person she became but mostly in good ways. It was like his friend to make the best of situations that weren't under her control. In her case, she had grown up to be an excellent student and a hard hitting lawyer with a degree with the top law school in the nation.

"So are you coming to my poetry reading tonight," Chris asked.

C.J. nodded.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world," she said, "Has Bernard arrived yet?"

Chris sighed.

"His plane got delayed in Toronto," he said, "He won't get into town until late tomorrow."

"I can't wait to meet him," C.J. said.

"Sure thing," Chris said, "But I'll save you a special seat at the poetry reading and if you'd like to go out for coffee later, we can talk more about our engagement in the creative arts."

She smiled.

"I can't drink coffee," she said, "but herbal tea would be great."

Matt watched the two of them set up plans…or what sounded more like a date. What exactly was going on here, he wondered as he watched Chris walk away looking happy. C.J. turned her focus back on Matt.

"Now what were we talking about," she asked.

Matt just remained silent, not really remembering.

Chapter 24

C.J. had finished her lunch with Matt and then had headed off to check on the progress of Ed's film. The young man had holed up inside a room in his house hunched over his editing equipment for the past couple of days. He surfaced to eat and to sleep but then quickly returned to work, eager to create the best final product that captured his vision.

"You know what they say," he said, "The perfect film is waiting to be carved out of the raw footage."

She had nodded.

"Kind of like what Michelangelo said about his sculptures like the Pieta and David," she said.

"He's a genius," Ed agreed, "If he were a filmmaker, I wonder what his movies would be like."

"They'd be beautiful," she said, "Dynamic and perfectly formed…"

Ed smiled.

"Chris is the artist in Cicely," he said, "I'm more the craftsman."

"You both contribute a lot through your creativity."

Ed fiddled with his equipment.

"Chris seems to really like you," he said.

C.J. felt an intake of breath.

"He just asked me out for coffee after his poetry reading," she said.

"Which means he likes you," Ed said, "Chris is a good guy. Everyone likes him."

C.J. sighed.

"I like him," she said, "There's something about him that just draws you in…"

Ed nodded.

"His magnetism," he said, "Dr. Fleischman said he might have special pheromones that attract women."

She considered that, deciding that it might not be impossible for a man to attract women through their sense of smell.

"But it's not like that," she explained, "I'm not interested in him that way."

Ed nodded again.

"You're in love with your baby's father."

Well yes she was, she thought but she didn't know how Matt felt about that. But he must know because she had told him that night.

"Yes I am," she said, "But I'm realizing it's not that simple for us."

"Because he hasn't said he loves you back," Ed guessed as he spliced two pieces of celluloid together.

"He's so wrapped up in this baby," she said, "and I think that's great but I wish he saw me as something more than the mother of his child."

Ed concentrated on what she said and then he brightened.

"That can be quite a dilemma," he agreed, "but in the movies whenever that happened, the female protagonist usually asked her best friend, usually a supporting character played by a well known actor in a cameo role, for help in showing the male protagonist what he was missing."

C.J. chewed on that advice for a moment.

"That might work," she said, "Maybe I'll give it a try."

Ed nodded.

"It works every single time," he said, "At least..in the movies."

---

Matt paced inside the confines of his room at the inn, reliving the last conversation he had with C.J. after they left Dr. Fleischman's office. He had thought the ultrasound had gone great, the baby was healthy and he and C.J. had shared one of the most important experiences in their lives. He had wanted to celebrate to their baby's health at the Brick but somehow, she had wound up caught up by Chris, thanks to his legendary method of attracting young women. He had invited her to coffee after he gave his poetry reading tonight and Matt had heard at the Elk Lodge meeting the other night exactly what kind of poetry Chris favored. The man clearly had this all planned out, after all what red blooded man would be able to resist a woman as beautiful as his best friend?

After all, she had turned him into putty easily enough the night they had created their baby. Maybe she had chalked it up to the heat of the moment which caused the sexual tension which had lain dormant between them for so long to finally explode. But something very special had happened between them that night, something he couldn't walk away from and that something was more than just a child.

Clearly Chris had been attracted to C.J. even knowing she was pregnant with another man's child, something that would be obvious soon enough. He couldn't blame C.J. for being drawn to him because he treated her as a good looking woman…which Matt admitted to himself he hadn't been doing. What had nearly happened between them in her kitchen had been a step in the right direction but she had brought that to a halt quickly enough.

He walked to what passed for a mini bar and poured himself a glass of Scotch, sipping it down slowly. In a few hours, the town's poet would be wooing his woman with poetry designed to do exactly that and the question was, what was he going to do about it?

---

C.J. sat at a table at the Brick with both Shelli and Maggie giving her advice. She had gone to them for some assistance in remembering how to attract a man's attention. Naturally, they had given her contradictory advice.

"Play hard to get," Maggie advised, "Don't make it too easy for him. After all he's put you through he needs to work for it."

C.J. thought that sounded a bit harsh.

"But…"

Shelli shook her head.

"Put on something that really shows off your body so that he can't miss it," she said, "Something with a low neckline and above the knees."

C.J. looked down at her body.

"I'm starting to get thick…"

Shelli shrugged.

"Pregnancy gives a woman some serious knockers…you might as well put them to good use."

Knockers?

C.J. swallowed carefully, feeling totally confused. So she had to play hard to get but with an outfit her body poured out of, at the same time?

Maggie shook her head.

"If he's looking at your chest," she said, "He's not paying attention to your…mind and you've got to lay the law down to him in the first 30 seconds…"

"Okay…"

Shelli disagreed.

"You've got to make him feel like a man," she said, "Like he's in control."

Maggie scowled.

"That's the problem with men," she said, "They always think they're in control because they wear their plumbing outside the house."

C.J. thought, did she just hear the woman right?

"That might be Maggie," Shelli said, "but inside they're as scared of women as they are attracted to them. But I just know that when I wear my cheerleader outfit, Hollings can't control himself."

Maggie rolled.

"Maybe you can loan her your pom poms."

C.J. spoke up.

"I just want him to see me as something besides an obligation."

Shelli looked confused.

"I don't see that when he looks at you at all," she said.

Maggie had to agree with that.

"I don't either," she said, "He's a bit old school for me but I think he's really into you."

C.J. ran her hand through her hair.

"All he talks about is wanting to do the right thing and get married," she said, "to give our baby his name."

"Would marrying him be so bad," Shelli asked.

Actually C.J. didn't think it would be bad at all. But she wanted to marry a man who loved her fiercely enough to want to show the world.

"We posed as a married couple," she said, "and I don't think I imagined what he felt about that. But a baby's really complicated things."

Shelli nodded.

"I can see that happening," she said, "but I think he's an honorable dude just trying to do the right thing."

C.J. sighed.

"He's exactly that," she said, "but that makes me think he looks at me as some fallen woman who needs him to do that...to rescue her from her own mistakes."

Maggie and Shelli looked at each other and Shelli shrugged.

"I don't know, that sounds kind of romantic," she said, "for a man to care to do that much for a woman."

C.J. began pacing.

"I don't need to be rescued," she said, "I didn't do anything wrong. I'm having a baby that I want very much and Houston wants to be part of its life too."

"But you want him to be part of your life because he loves you," Maggie said.

C.J. nodded, happy that Maggie understood what she wanted.

"I've heard it works for some couples," Maggie continued, "but love's such a crapshoot and it always puts the woman in a compromised position."

Okay, so maybe Maggie didn't get everything but C.J. really couldn't blame the woman. Maybe if she had six boyfriends that she had loved die on her, she would wear the same cynicism.

Shelli shook her head.

"I think we're going about this all wrong," she said, "What she needs is a pushup bra, a hot dress and some high heeled shoes."

Maggie scoffed.

"That's too obvious," she said, "and it will make her seem desperate. I told her playing hard to get is the way to go. That's how my mother landed my father."

Shelli just looked at her.

"Then on the other hand, that didn't work out well," Maggie conceded.

"I don't want to play any games with him,' C.J. insisted.

Maggie raised a brow.

"That's not why you accepted a date with Chris?"

C.J. felt her face grow warmer.

"It's just to go out for coffee after his poetry reading," she said, "Nothing more."

"If you say so," Maggie finished, "though you could do much worse than him. He's pretty hot in a bohemian kind of way."

Shelli nodded approvingly.

"It might not be such a bad thing to let Matt know he's got some competition," she said.

C.J. protested.

"Chris isn't competition," she said, "I would never do that to Houston. I just need a few hours to spend in a man's company and feel like a woman again."

"So you are going to bed with Chris…"

C.J. looked at Maggie in shock.

"No…of course not," she said, "I don't think that's what he wants anyway."

Maggie didn't seem so sure.

"Like I said, you could do worse," she said, "You could have accepted a date with Dr. Fleischman."

"Maggie, I think she's right about Chris," Shelli said, "He just wants to talk about his poetry."

Her friend shook her head.

"Shelli, we both know what kind of poetry Chris writes," she said, "It makes me melt just thinking about it."

C.J. looked at the two of them, wondering what she was going to do.

---

Matt walked into Ruth Ann's store to check on whether or not Murray had faxed him in the last several hours. He hoped not, because he was beginning to burn out on his own company and its incessant demands on his attention. When he had given up the day to day operations of his multi-million dollar business empire, he had felt a weight lift off of his shoulders.

Murray still tried to get him to play a larger role in his empire even though he was more than capable and willing to take good care of it for Matt. He had poured his energies into his investigative firm in the past several years with C.J. at his side.

He sighed wondering how to proceed next with her. For the first time in his life, he didn't know how to engage her. He had told her how much he wanted to build a future with her and their baby but that hadn't been enough for her. Otherwise why would she had accepted a date with Chris, a man who after all wrote poetry about…sex. He had thumbed through a book that had included some of his latest works and to be honest, it wasn't just about the mechanics of male and female interactions but about the feelings of those involved as well. Maybe that's why his poetry collections had done well in sales far away from Cicely.

Ruth Ann walked up to where he was checking for faxes.

"I heard about the ultrasound," she said, "It's great news to hear that the pregnancy's proceeding well."

Matt wondered at this point who in Cicely didn't know about their doctor's appointment this morning. Even for a small, close-knit town, news sure spread quickly.

"We're both very happy about it."

Ruth Ann tilted her head.

"I heard she's going out for coffee with Chris after the poetry reading."

He nodded.

"I heard that too."

Ruth Ann shrugged.

"I wouldn't worry too much about him," she said.

Curiosity got the better of Matt quickly.

"Why not," he asked, casually.

"Because the woman loves you, not him," Ruth Ann said, "She's just looking for something."

"What?"

The older woman looked at him pointedly.

"You know what I'm talking about," she said, "because if you were really all that dense, you wouldn't be about to become a father."

He nodded slowly.

"I think I do know," he said, "She wants me to tell her that I love her."

"For starters," Ruth Ann said, "But she wants to know that you still want her."

"I do," he protested, "I told her that."

Ruth Ann felt the young man trying her patience.

"That's not the kind of 'want' I'm talking about," she said, "and I think you know that already too."

Matt nodded again.

"I guess I do," he said, "and I haven't been very good at showing her how I feel let alone telling her."

Ruth Ann sighed.

"She needs to know how you feel about her as a woman," she said, "rather than just as the woman who's pregnant."

Matt knew that the older woman was right. He needed to change his tactics if he were ever going to win her back. He knew that there was no other option for him and that he could succeed. After all, he had once been a businessman who excelled in overseeing mergers.

Then he stopped himself, for even looking at C.J. in that way. Maybe that had been his problem all along.

Chapter 25

C.J. had finished her lunch with Matt and then had headed off to check on the progress of Ed's film. The young man had holed up inside a room in his house hunched over his editing equipment for the past couple of days. He surfaced to eat and to sleep but then quickly returned to work, eager to create the best final product that captured his vision.

"You know what they say," he said, "The perfect film is waiting to be carved out of the raw footage."

She had nodded.

"Kind of like what Michelangelo said about his sculptures like the Pieta and David," she said.

"He's a genius," Ed agreed, "If he were a filmmaker, I wonder what his movies would be like."

"They'd be beautiful," she said, "Dynamic and perfectly formed…"

Ed smiled.

"Chris is the artist in Cicely," he said, "I'm more the craftsman."

"You both contribute a lot through your creativity."

Ed fiddled with his equipment.

"Chris seems to really like you," he said.

C.J. felt an intake of breath.

"He just asked me out for coffee after his poetry reading," she said.

"Which means he likes you," Ed said, "Chris is a good guy. Everyone likes him."

C.J. sighed.

"I like him," she said, "There's something about him that just draws you in…"

Ed nodded.

"His magnetism," he said, "Dr. Fleischman said he might have special pheromones that attract women."

She considered that, deciding that it might not be impossible for a man to attract women through their sense of smell.

"But it's not like that," she explained, "I'm not interested in him that way."

Ed nodded again.

"You're in love with your baby's father."

Well yes she was, she thought but she didn't know how Matt felt about that. But he must know because she had told him that night.

"Yes I am," she said, "But I'm realizing it's not that simple for us."

"Because he hasn't said he loves you back," Ed guessed as he spliced two pieces of celluloid together.

"He's so wrapped up in this baby," she said, "and I think that's great but I wish he saw me as something more than the mother of his child."

Ed concentrated on what she said and then he brightened.

"That can be quite a dilemma," he agreed, "but in the movies whenever that happened, the female protagonist usually asked her best friend, usually a supporting character played by a well known actor in a cameo role, for help in showing the male protagonist what he was missing."

C.J. chewed on that advice for a moment.

"That might work," she said, "Maybe I'll give it a try."

Ed nodded.

"It works every single time," he said, "At least..in the movies."

---

Matt paced inside the confines of his room at the inn, reliving the last conversation he had with C.J. after they left Dr. Fleischman's office. He had thought the ultrasound had gone great, the baby was healthy and he and C.J. had shared one of the most important experiences in their lives. He had wanted to celebrate to their baby's health at the Brick but somehow, she had wound up caught up by Chris, thanks to his legendary method of attracting young women. He had invited her to coffee after he gave his poetry reading tonight and Matt had heard at the Elk Lodge meeting the other night exactly what kind of poetry Chris favored. The man clearly had this all planned out, after all what red blooded man would be able to resist a woman as beautiful as his best friend?

After all, she had turned him into putty easily enough the night they had created their baby. Maybe she had chalked it up to the heat of the moment which caused the sexual tension which had lain dormant between them for so long to finally explode. But something very special had happened between them that night, something he couldn't walk away from and that something was more than just a child.

Clearly Chris had been attracted to C.J. even knowing she was pregnant with another man's child, something that would be obvious soon enough. He couldn't blame C.J. for being drawn to him because he treated her as a good looking woman…which Matt admitted to himself he hadn't been doing. What had nearly happened between them in her kitchen had been a step in the right direction but she had brought that to a halt quickly enough.

He walked to what passed for a mini bar and poured himself a glass of Scotch, sipping it down slowly. In a few hours, the town's poet would be wooing his woman with poetry designed to do exactly that and the question was, what was he going to do about it?

---

C.J. sat at a table at the Brick with both Shelli and Maggie giving her advice. She had gone to them for some assistance in remembering how to attract a man's attention. Naturally, they had given her contradictory advice.

"Play hard to get," Maggie advised, "Don't make it too easy for him. After all he's put you through he needs to work for it."

C.J. thought that sounded a bit harsh.

"But…"

Shelli shook her head.

"Put on something that really shows off your body so that he can't miss it," she said, "Something with a low neckline and above the knees."

C.J. looked down at her body.

"I'm starting to get thick…"

Shelli shrugged.

"Pregnancy gives a woman some serious knockers…you might as well put them to good use."

Knockers?

C.J. swallowed carefully, feeling totally confused. So she had to play hard to get but with an outfit her body poured out of, at the same time?

Maggie shook her head.

"If he's looking at your chest," she said, "He's not paying attention to your…mind and you've got to lay the law down to him in the first 30 seconds…"

"Okay…"

Shelli disagreed.

"You've got to make him feel like a man," she said, "Like he's in control."

Maggie scowled.

"That's the problem with men," she said, "They always think they're in control because they wear their plumbing outside the house."

C.J. thought, did she just hear the woman right?

"That might be Maggie," Shelli said, "but inside they're as scared of women as they are attracted to them. But I just know that when I wear my cheerleader outfit, Hollings can't control himself."

Maggie rolled.

"Maybe you can loan her your pom poms."

C.J. spoke up.

"I just want him to see me as something besides an obligation."

Shelli looked confused.

"I don't see that when he looks at you at all," she said.

Maggie had to agree with that.

"I don't either," she said, "He's a bit old school for me but I think he's really into you."

C.J. ran her hand through her hair.

"All he talks about is wanting to do the right thing and get married," she said, "to give our baby his name."

"Would marrying him be so bad," Shelli asked.

Actually C.J. didn't think it would be bad at all. But she wanted to marry a man who loved her fiercely enough to want to show the world.

"We posed as a married couple," she said, "and I don't think I imagined what he felt about that. But a baby's really complicated things."

Shelli nodded.

"I can see that happening," she said, "but I think he's an honorable dude just trying to do the right thing."

C.J. sighed.

"He's exactly that," she said, "but that makes me think he looks at me as some fallen woman who needs him to do that...to rescue her from her own mistakes."

Maggie and Shelli looked at each other and Shelli shrugged.

"I don't know, that sounds kind of romantic," she said, "for a man to care to do that much for a woman."

C.J. began pacing.

"I don't need to be rescued," she said, "I didn't do anything wrong. I'm having a baby that I want very much and Houston wants to be part of its life too."

"But you want him to be part of your life because he loves you," Maggie said.

C.J. nodded, happy that Maggie understood what she wanted.

"I've heard it works for some couples," Maggie continued, "but love's such a crapshoot and it always puts the woman in a compromised position."

Okay, so maybe Maggie didn't get everything but C.J. really couldn't blame the woman. Maybe if she had six boyfriends that she had loved die on her, she would wear the same cynicism.

Shelli shook her head.

"I think we're going about this all wrong," she said, "What she needs is a pushup bra, a hot dress and some high heeled shoes."

Maggie scoffed.

"That's too obvious," she said, "and it will make her seem desperate. I told her playing hard to get is the way to go. That's how my mother landed my father."

Shelli just looked at her.

"Then on the other hand, that didn't work out well," Maggie conceded.

"I don't want to play any games with him,' C.J. insisted.

Maggie raised a brow.

"That's not why you accepted a date with Chris?"

C.J. felt her face grow warmer.

"It's just to go out for coffee after his poetry reading," she said, "Nothing more."

"If you say so," Maggie finished, "though you could do much worse than him. He's pretty hot in a bohemian kind of way."

Shelli nodded approvingly.

"It might not be such a bad thing to let Matt know he's got some competition," she said.

C.J. protested.

"Chris isn't competition," she said, "I would never do that to Houston. I just need a few hours to spend in a man's company and feel like a woman again."

"So you are going to bed with Chris…"

C.J. looked at Maggie in shock.

"No…of course not," she said, "I don't think that's what he wants anyway."

Maggie didn't seem so sure.

"Like I said, you could do worse," she said, "You could have accepted a date with Dr. Fleischman."

"Maggie, I think she's right about Chris," Shelli said, "He just wants to talk about his poetry."

Her friend shook her head.

"Shelli, we both know what kind of poetry Chris writes," she said, "It makes me melt just thinking about it."

C.J. looked at the two of them, wondering what she was going to do.

---

Matt walked into Ruth Ann's store to check on whether or not Murray had faxed him in the last several hours. He hoped not, because he was beginning to burn out on his own company and its incessant demands on his attention. When he had given up the day to day operations of his multi-million dollar business empire, he had felt a weight lift off of his shoulders.

Murray still tried to get him to play a larger role in his empire even though he was more than capable and willing to take good care of it for Matt. He had poured his energies into his investigative firm in the past several years with C.J. at his side.

He sighed wondering how to proceed next with her. For the first time in his life, he didn't know how to engage her. He had told her how much he wanted to build a future with her and their baby but that hadn't been enough for her. Otherwise why would she had accepted a date with Chris, a man who after all wrote poetry about…sex. He had thumbed through a book that had included some of his latest works and to be honest, it wasn't just about the mechanics of male and female interactions but about the feelings of those involved as well. Maybe that's why his poetry collections had done well in sales far away from Cicely.

Ruth Ann walked up to where he was checking for faxes.

"I heard about the ultrasound," she said, "It's great news to hear that the pregnancy's proceeding well."

Matt wondered at this point who in Cicely didn't know about their doctor's appointment this morning. Even for a small, close-knit town, news sure spread quickly.

"We're both very happy about it."

Ruth Ann tilted her head.

"I heard she's going out for coffee with Chris after the poetry reading."

He nodded.

"I heard that too."

Ruth Ann shrugged.

"I wouldn't worry too much about him," she said.

Curiosity got the better of Matt quickly.

"Why not," he asked, casually.

"Because the woman loves you, not him," Ruth Ann said, "She's just looking for something."

"What?"

The older woman looked at him pointedly.

"You know what I'm talking about," she said, "because if you were really all that dense, you wouldn't be about to become a father."

He nodded slowly.

"I think I do know," he said, "She wants me to tell her that I love her."

"For starters," Ruth Ann said, "But she wants to know that you still want her."

"I do," he protested, "I told her that."

Ruth Ann felt the young man trying her patience.

"That's not the kind of 'want' I'm talking about," she said, "and I think you know that already too."

Matt nodded again.

"I guess I do," he said, "and I haven't been very good at showing her how I feel let alone telling her."

Ruth Ann sighed.

"She needs to know how you feel about her as a woman," she said, "rather than just as the woman who's pregnant."

Matt knew that the older woman was right. He needed to change his tactics if he were ever going to win her back. He knew that there was no other option for him and that he could succeed. After all, he had once been a businessman who excelled in overseeing mergers.

Then he stopped himself, for even looking at C.J. in that way. Maybe that had been his problem all along.

Chapter 26

Damn it, what was wrong with her, C.J. thought lying back in her bed, tucked under her blankets trying to get to sleep. Chris had driven her home after their coffee date and she had enjoyed herself immensely while with him. They had chatted about a lot of things since he had offered her his insight about her relationship with the father of her baby. Maybe in another time, she would have been attracted to a man like Chris since they did share some things in common including a love for things artistic.

But truth be told, she had spent much of her coffee date with a man who had been able to appreciate her as a woman, thinking about the man who looked at her as the mother of his child. Ever since he had discovered the truth about her pregnancy, Matt's focus had been on the impending arrival of the latest member of the Houston dynasty which stretched back to the earliest days even before Texas had won its independence from Mexico and was yet to become part of the United States. She knew how important family had always been to Houston even before he found out that he hadn't been a Houston, by blood but through a love that had proven to be much thicker than that. And she didn't begrudge him being caught up with becoming a father himself, she just wish that he saw her as a woman too, the woman who had conceived their baby through an act if not of love then of passion.

She tossed and turned a bit and then reaching for her robe got out of bed to read for a while. She had heard that sleeplessness was best dealt with by engaging in some really boring reading but she had been online earlier that day on some sites reading about the more advanced stages of pregnancy which she would be experiencing soon enough. Maybe after reading a little bit, she might be able to sleep.

---

Matt tossed and turned in his own bed at the inn. He had left the Brick having called it a night and had driven off, passing the coffee spot where C.J. and Chris had gone after the reading. He felt the strong urge to park his car, walk right in there and ask the artist, poet and deejay what his intentions were involving his woman. His woman? C.J. would read him the riot act if he tried to pull a stunt like that but right now he didn't care. He felt some primal need to make it clear to Chris that C.J. belonged with him, her shapely figure was ripening with his child and he didn't care how if that made him appear like a Neanderthal.

But of course he stopped himself before he could even put his foot on the brake to slow down to find a parking space. He knew that any display like that might cause him to lose delicately won ground with C.J. who after all, had always been a strong believer that women were on an equal footing with men in all areas of their lives. He knew how hard she had fought to be an attorney, to succeed in a profession dominated by men, where all the key players were male. So instead of going in the coffee place, he had driven past it back to the hotel and tried to settle down for the night. But sleep hadn't come easily and after a while, he had gotten up and tried to focus on some really boring paperwork he needed to complete.

---

C.J. yawned as he waited for Ed at the Brick so they could redo the footage at the Lodge with some of the founding members of Cicely's version of the polar bear society, which usually involved stripping off one's clothes and jumping into some very frigid water, which was not in short supply in these parts. She couldn't imagine herself doing anything so impulsive but she admired their nerve.

"Didn't get much sleep," Shelli noted as she walked by with a tray filled with plates of omelets and buckwheat pancakes.

"I have a lot on my mind," C.J. said.

Shelli sighed.

"With me, it's not being able to sleep in my favorite position," she said, "I can't wait until it's time for this puppy to come out."

"How much longer," C.J. asked.

"About a month," Shelli said, "but that just seems forever right now."

C.J. smiled.

"You must be excited," she said, "now that you're in the homestretch."

Shelli nodded.

"Despite the aches in my legs and back and the having to hit the john every hour on the hour and feeling tired all the time…"

Joel walked up to them dressed like a mummy and began to unravel his winter wrappings.

"Shelli," he said, "You have an appointment later this afternoon. We'll have a better idea of how much longer."

Shelli folded her arms.

"I just hope that Hollings, jr. isn't going to be late because I'm about as big as I can get without popping."

Joel looked at her.

"That could happen," he said, "Not the popping part, because that's medically impossible, but your baby could be born after your estimated due date. It's your first baby. Of course, that means that it could arrive early too."

"So in other words, it could arrive at any time," she said.

"Well yeah, in a manner of speaking you could certainly say that."

"Okay, I'm cool with that."

Shelli left them to finish serving her food to her customers.

"She seems pretty calm about things," C.J. noted.

"Oh Shelli's pretty laid back about most anything," Joel said, "What about you?"

C.J. smiled.

"I'm fine," she said, "I'm glad the morning sickness has been going away and I really feel more energetic."

"That's good," Joel said, "There's no reason why your pregnancy shouldn't continue normally."

She nodded.

"How did your date go last night with Chris?"

She raised a brow at him in surprise.

"Is that a medically based question?"

He scratched the back of his head.

"You know there's nothing prohibiting you…he…."

She looked at him indignantly.

"Excuse me," she said, "We went out and we had coffee…Well I had tea and we talked. That is all."

Joel looked at her somewhat doubtfully.

"I've long been fascinated with Chris' ability to attract the opposite sex," he said, "If I had the equipment to run tests, I might be able to narrow it down to a specific pheromone. "

She shook her head.

"Not that it's your business, but I'm physically attracted to Chris," she said, "I just think he's a nice guy."

"Okay, well everyone thinks he's a nice guy," Joel agreed, "but there's still something in his biochemistry, there's got to be. If I were a woman, maybe I'd feel an irresistible drive to do the horizontal mambo…"

C.J. rolled her head at the budding scientist. Maybe he had originally planned to work in a laboratory, conducting research and writing papers for medical journals without ever intending to see or treat a single human patient. At least, until the State of Alaska stood in his way and demanded his four years of servitude as payment in full for his medical school loans.

"Have you ever thought of specializing in medical research…"

He looked at her funny then wandered off and she knew she asked a sensitive question. She filed it away for further use in case he ever started asking her questions about who she had slept with. A woman dressed in a striped dress walked by. C.J. remembered her from the nights the women spent competing in their ongoing Scrabble tournament.

"Hi Clara," C.J. said.

"Hi there C.J.,' Clara said, "How did your date with Chris go last night? Is he as good as I hear?"

C.J. rested her head on the table, thinking it might just be a long day.

---

Matt stopped in at Ruth Ann's to pick up some papers faxed by Murray last night and to pick up some aspirin for his headache. Probably due from not sleeping so well last night but how could he when he had spent the whole night thinking of C.J.'s date with Chris? Did she make it home safely last night; did she make it home at all? It hadn't occurred to him that the two of them might hit it off so well that they might have headed back to his place. He closed his eyes for a second, not willing to go down that path. Besides he knew that despite their problems, C.J. loved him. Oh yeah wait, she had told him that at least twice and hadn't been happy with the response she had received from him.

He sighed, always realizing that he had never been a man of words, but of action. Now C.J. had worked as a lawyer since graduating with honors at Harvard School of Law which meant she had to develop impeccable verbal skills to practice her trade and she had done just that. She wrapped his mind and other parts of him into knots with just a few carefully chosen words that seemed to flow easily. He on the other hand acted, the way that he might have spoken if he could find the right words. That last night they had spent together, she had told him she loved him when he prepared to leave and he had felt the urge to pick her up in his arms and show her how much he loved her back. But time had been pressing and as many people would have felt in his situation, he thought he had plenty of time when the mission was done to make it clear how he felt. But of course that hadn't turned out to be the case and it had been several months before he had even seen C.J. again. And she had been more wary of him, much more guarded and several months pregnant.

The ball had been in his court but for the first time in his life, he hadn't known what to do with it and he still wasn't sure. Not an easy reality for the man who embraced everything that came his way by working and playing hard.

"Excuse me, are you looking for something Matt?"

He looked up and saw Ruth Ann stacking some canned goods on a shelf.

"Damn kippers," she said, "I put them on the shelf one day and notice they're gone the next…"

"Here let me help you," he said, grabbing some cans.

She smiled at him.

"I heard C.J. had a good time on her outing with Chris last night."

Matt bristled but tried not to show it. It didn't matter because Ruth Ann noticed.

"You know Matt," she said, "I don't think you need to worry about Chris."

"Who's worried," he said, "I just hope he took C.J. home at a reasonable hour so she could get plenty of sleep."

"I'm sure he did," Ruth Ann said, "He just wanted her to take some time from remembering she was pregnant so she could relax a bit."

"She hasn't complained about the pregnancy."

"I didn't mean it that way," Ruth Ann said, "I meant that just because a woman is pregnant and going to have a baby doesn't mean she ceases being a woman. She might be entering a new stage of her life but she's still the same woman for the most part."

Matt ran his hand through his hair.

"I know that Ruth Ann," he said, "At least most of the time I do. This is strange for me too. I've never been a father before."

She smiled at him.

"You have some great times ahead and some trying ones," she said, "But it might not hurt if you start treating C.J. not as if she weren't pregnant but as if she were still the woman you got pregnant in the first place."

He lifted a brow.

"It really wasn't all that hard," he said, "She's a beautiful woman and I don't know why it took so long for us to get together. Not that we meant for her to get pregnant at the time but I'm not complaining."

Ruth Ann paused.

"Why don't you think back to that time and what you felt and shared together and try to recreate those feelings," she said, "Like you say, it shouldn't be that hard. You two obviously care about each other."

He frowned.

"I'll have to push back past a wall of sadness that followed that night we spent together," he said, thoughtfully, "That's the hard part."

Ruth Ann shrugged.

"Maybe," she said, "But you have to want it enough, you have to want her and I think you do."

He nodded, considering what she said and knowing she was right.

---

C.J. sighed at her table after about a half dozen people had passed by and asked her about Chris. She knew Cicely was a small town filled with people who considered each other family but there really was nothing to tell. The truth was, after she and Chris had coffee and talked for a while, he had driven her home. She liked him but she had no desire to be more than friends with him. After all, she was in love with someone else, for the good that did her. But then she thought she had loved and been in love with Matt much longer than she was willing to admit. She just had no idea how he felt about her besides clearly being physically attracted to her. But she needed, no she wanted more than that from the man who had fathered her child. At least that's how she had always wanted it to be.

She heard footsteps which drew her out of her reverie and he stood before her.

"Hiya C.J.," he said, "Mind if I sit down?"

She bit her lip looking up at him and shook her head.

"Hi there yourself," she said, "I'm about to have some breakfast and I'd love for you to join me."

"C.J., I'm sorry…"

She cut him off.

"There's nothing to be sorry about," she said, "I had a great time with Chris last night but he's not the man I want in my life. I'm just not sure what that man wanted."

He reached out for her hand and she slipped hers into it without thinking.

"That man wants what's in front of him," he said, "He's just done a lousy job of showing it."

Her heart skipped a beat.

"And that's going to change, starting right now…"

Chapter 27

The flowers showed up at the Brick after she had finished watch the latest cut of the footage that Ed had shot for his film and had returned for lunch. Roses, mixed with some smaller flowers she couldn't quite place, arranged in a vase. She looked for a card.

"Real pretty," Shelli said as she walked on by, carrying a tray of hamburger plates.

C.J. nodded, her eyes taking in their beauty. Orange roses, which were her favorite color because they combined yellow, which meant friendship, with red, which meant love.

"I didn't know they grew up here," she said.

"They don't," Shelli said, "These got shipped in from the Lower 48 and flown in by Maggie this morning."

C.J. pulled one of them out of the vase and held it, taking in its sweet odor.

"I thought I'd find you here," his voice said from behind her.

She turned around still holding the rose and saw Matt walking towards her. She tilted her head at him as he approached.

"Where'd you find these," she asked smiling.

"One of our former clients," he said, "We found his daughter a while back. He owned a nursery."

"They're so pretty…"

"Not as pretty as you," he said, taking her in dressed in her jeans and pullover woolen sweater.

She smiled.

"Thank you for saying that," she said, sitting down at the booth and he joined her.

"It's not that hard," he said, "I've always thought you were a beautiful woman."

Shelli walked by and asked them if they were ready to order.

"There's a pretty mean soup that Dave's whipped up," she said, "vegetable and chicken, with plenty of spice."

"That sounds good," C.J. said.

Matt looked at C.J.

"Is it going to be enough," he asked.

She looked back at him.

"I had a huge breakfast this morning," she said, "The soup will be just fine."

Matt ordered a hamburger and some roasted potatoes and Shelli nodded, leaving them to go to the kitchen.

"So how are things with you," C.J. asked.

"I got most of the paperwork finished and faxed back to Murray," he said, "But whenever I think it's done, he sends another batch."

"He did a great time keeping the company running when you were dead," C.J. pointed out.

"Oh I've got a lot of faith in Murray's business sense," Matt said, "and I know things piled up when I was…dead but I thought when I turned the company over to charity, the workload would decrease."

C.J. chuckled.

"Houston, it's called being the victim of your own success," she said, "You're good at most everything you do."

"Not everything," Matt said.

She winked at him.

"You're good at some very important things," she said, "Trust me."

He smiled.

"I hope one of them is being a good father," he said.

C.J. picked up the emotion in his voice including more than a trace of wistfulness. She reached out for his hand and took it in her own.

"Houston, you're going to be a great father to our baby," she said, "I know that as well as I know anything else."

He looked away for a moment.

"You know my father wasn't there for me as often as he or I would have liked," he said, "but I knew he loved me. I wish he'd have lived long enough to meet his grandchild."

"I barely remember my father," C.J. said, "But I remembered how he took me to the park after school and we'd take some bread to feed the birds and sit on a bench together."

Matt knew that a part of her had never gotten over his sudden death when she had been just a little girl. He had grown up never knowing his mother so both of them knew what it was like being raised by only one parent. If he knew anything, he knew he wanted his child to grow up knowing and being raised by both of his parents. Somehow he understood that C.J. wanted the same thing.

"Houston, I want our child to know that he or she's loved by both parents," she said, "no matter what happens between us."

Shelli brought them their food and they settled down to eat with her words hanging between them. Matt watched her eat her soup, savoring the flavor bringing to her meal the same attitude she felt towards everything in life. The same quality which had attracted him to her as a friend when both were in elementary school and then later when they had reconnected after she returned from law school with her diploma and the will to help him build up his new company.

And then later when they had hooked up in an entirely different way.

"C.J., nothing's going to happen to us," he said, "except that we're going to raise our child together."

She looked at her soup.

"That's what I want Houston," she said, "I would never keep you away…"

"That's not what I mean C.J.," he said, "I want to marry you."

Her spoon made it midway to her mouth.

"Houston, I told you…"

He sighed, running his hand through his hair.

"That you don't want me to stay with you out of a sense of obligation," he finished, "That's not why I'm asking."

She rested her chin on her hand.

"Then why do you want me to marry you?"

He paused, looking directly at her.

"Because I've been wanting that since that night we spent together," he said, "It doesn't have anything to do with you being pregnant."

Her eyes stung a little bit.

"It doesn't?"

"No, I just didn't have any time to tell you before I left you that night," he said, "And I didn't know I wasn't coming back."

She nodded, thinking back to that night before he had left her.

"I meant what I told you," she said.

"I know."

She bit her lip and looked away from him.

"You leaving me broke my heart in so many different ways Houston," she said, "I'm still trying to find it."

She thought he might protest her words but he just looked at her in silence and then slowly nodded.

"I know that too."

---

They had finished eating lunch and then C.J. had gone back to help Ed, stopping at Ruth Ann's store to satisfy a craving, as cliché as it sounded, for sweet pickles. The tiny elongated ones inside those tiny jars filled with briny fluid. She had woken up in the middle of the night and couldn't stop thinking about them. So she figured a jar of them kept nearby would be handy if she ever wanted one.

Ruth Ann just smiled when she found her jar of pickles and put them on the counter to pay for them.

"If you're going to be a pickle connoisseur, you couldn't do any better," she said, approvingly, "Tart, yet the right amount of brine."

C.J. sighed.

"I've been thinking of them since last night," she said, "I probably will start dreaming about them."

"How's Ed doing on his film," Ruth Ann asked.

"It's looking really good," C.J. said, "He made a few more cuts but really tightened the segment with the orchard lady."

Ruth Ann smiled.

"I can't wait to see it," she said, "Everyone's been talking about it."

"Well it's getting there," C.J. said, "But Maurice still has his heart set on that Hollywood style premiere."

Ruth Ann snorted.

"Maurice isn't content with letting Cicely just be Cicely but he's mellowed since he first arrived here."

C.J. chuckled.

"I can only imagine."

"So how did your lunch with Matt go," Ruth Ann asked.

C.J. brightened.

"We talked about a few things," she said, "We both were raised by only one parent and we want our child to have two parents."

Ruth Ann handed C.J. her pickles.

"That's certainly a decision that makes sense for the both of you to want for your child," she said, "but what about the two of you?"

C.J. furrowed her brows.

"I want him in my life," she said, "But I want him to be around to see his child grow up."

Ruth Ann shrugged.

"There's no guarantee that will happen no matter what he does for a living," she said, "Life can be really short or it can be really long. There's just no telling."

"I know," C.J. said, looking at her hands, "I was just so scared for too long when I thought I'd never see him again and he'd never know…"

"But he does know," Ruth Ann said, "and you need to give him a chance to show that he will be there."

C.J. nodded.

"I know," she said, "It's just that every time I look at him, I remember that last time watching him walk to the car after saying goodbye for just a little while and then the car exploding in front of me."

"It must have been awful," Ruth Ann said, "But those memories will fade and be replaced with happier ones if you just let them."

C.J. listened to what the older woman told her knowing that she was right.

---

Matt drove to Maurice's house to talk to him about a business deal that Murray had urged him to pursue with the ex-astronaut. He had left C.J. after lunch reluctantly but she had thanked him for the flowers and said that she would be joining some of the women for a book club meeting but would be free to see him afterward. Matt didn't begrudge her the time she spent with her new friends, because he knew they had provided vital support to her when she had been alone. He knew that his departure from her several months ago had left its mark on her and that she had tried to move past it but had found it difficult.

He drove up Maurice's impressive drive and parked his car. Maurice let him in the house and they sat in the living room to discuss the restaurant that Maurice had began in L.A. years ago before coming to Alaska. Fortunately Maurice seemed ready to sell it and the discussion had moved on to other subjects, albeit of the more personal nature.

"Do you know how to keep a spirited filly like C.J. happy," Maurice said, cutting to the chase.

Matt sipped the brandy that Maurice had poured for both of them after they had brokered business. Maurice's comments had caught him totally off-guard.

"Not that it's any of your business," he said, "But I've known her most my whole life and I think I know what makes her happy."

Maurice grimaced.

"That girl's got a lot of spunk," he said, "She reminds me of a gal I met while in the military. She was a nurse that I met when I picked up some shrapnel in Korea."

Matt nodded.

"She and I met when we were kids," he said, "We've been through a lot together."

"I'd make a play for her myself," Maurice said, "but for Barbara. Now there's a fine woman."

Matt looked at his brandy.

"She and I just got together only recently," he said, "but we were friends long before that."

Maurice nodded.

"That's often the best way to start," he said, "But you'd better pick it up if you don't want Chris to move in for the kill."

Chris. The deejay and poet who took C.J. out on a coffee date. The man that women in these parts flocked around and followed as if he were some Pied Piper.

"Chris and C.J. are just friends," he said.

"For now," Maurice said, "But Chris has a way with women and they painted a cozy picture last night."

"She had a good time," Matt said, "and that's what matters. It's been a pretty rough couple of months for her and I know how important her friends are to her."

"Chris might be interested in more than friendship," Maurice said, "Of course you can never really tell with him…one moment it's a beautiful woman, the next it's some artistic project."

Matt wasn't too worried about Chris but he wondered why Maurice had brought him up in the first place. He stood up to get ready to go, putting down his brandy glass.

"Look I'll have Murray get back to you with a better quote on the restaurant," Matt said, "It's been interesting doing business with you."

He left Maurice and his discussion about whether or not Chris had made a play for C.J. He didn't think he had anything to worry about it but it was as good a time as any to move forward with the next step of his plan.

Chapter 28

Matt couldn't quite forget Maurice's words of warning that Chris might be ready to make a move on C.J. if he weren't careful. He supposed that was the ex-astronaut's way of telling him to get his act together and make his intentions known to the mother of his child or risk losing him to what Shelli called, the babe magnet. He knew the flowers were a nice start, clearly catching her off balance but what next? Frustration threatened to fill him because if anyone knew the fastest way to get a woman on his good side, that was him. He had been selected as one of People Magazine's best looking men alive, in the tycoon category. C.J. had teased him mercilessly about it and even had the picture blown up and framed to hang in the lobby of his penthouse suite office.

He had tried to take it down and hide it in the closet but the next morning, up it had been on the wall again. Oh C.J. never admitted to doing it and his attempts to interview other witnesses like Chris and Roy had born little fruit. But thinking back, he remembered that she had often poked fun at his playboy style not in a malicious way but always with affection in her voice. He had laughed it off back then but now it pained him that she had viewed him that way, as someone who had been playing the field of beautiful women which could never include someone like her.

"So what do you think?"

Matt looked behind him and saw Chris standing there dressed in work pants and a paint stained shirt, polishing off the look with a bandana tied around his head.

"About what?"

"That picture."

Matt looked in front of him and realized that he had been staring at a photo without really seeing it. It appeared to be an antique piano coming apart while suspended in air.

"It looks…like a piano flying through the air," Matt said.

Chris nodded.

"That's what most people say," he said, "but it's actually a work of art, the fluidity of its relationship with time and space defining it."

Matt just took his word for it, not knowing much about this type of art. He just knew if Murray saw what Chris had done to this piano, it would have made him weep.

"I heard about that," he said, "That was from Maggie's house…the one that burned down."

Chris nodded again.

"I was in such an artistic funk at the time," he said, "But what happened to Maggie, it just rejuvenated me. Got the old muse jump started again."

"Really…"

"Oh yeah," Chris said, "Although originally it was supposed to be a cow…"

That horrified Matt. Sure he enjoyed great barbecue, who didn't, but to subject a cow to the forces of gravity like that. Chris must have read his expression.

"I didn't fling the cow after all," he said, "Monty Python had done it and you don't mess with his vision."

Matt just looked at him, not believing his ears. So this was the man that attracted so many women to Cicely to meet him? Matt couldn't believe it. Chris' style would never fly where he was from, a world of cowboys, wide open ranches and the cowboy code. But if he were the kind of man that C.J. liked…

"We had a good time the other night," Chris said.

Matt looked at him but Chris still looked at the photograph of the piano.

"She did say something about enjoying herself."

Chris smiled at that.

"She's a very nice woman, earthy and I can see the attraction that she holds for me," he said, "but she's already drawn to someone else."

Matt paused, did he hear the man right?

"Did she tell you this?"

"She didn't have to tell me much," Chris said, "She's in love with the father of her baby, anyone can see that."

Matt should have known that given that she had told him that.

"She's waiting for him to reciprocate," Chris continued, "to tell her that he feels the same way."

"I don't think it's that simple," Matt admitted, "I think she's worried that she'll turn around one day and I'll be gone."

Chris smiled.

"Well you died," he said, "right in front of her. That's got to have some cosmic type of effect on her psyche. Something like that might take some time to get over."

Matt knew that he had hurt her deeply by first his departure and then his deception. He knew that if she had done the same thing to him, he would have tried to understand but he would have struggled to do so like she did.

"I think women when they're getting ready to give birth enter into a nesting phase…"

"Say what again," Matt asked.

"What I mean is that they want a safe, secure place for themselves and their child," Chris said, "I think that's why she came to Cicely when she thought you were…dead."

That made sense to Matt. Truth be told, she couldn't have picked a better spot than this remote corner of the world, away from the danger that had surrounded her then and away from painful memories. The townspeople had embraced her and accepted her as one of their own and by extension her unborn child. They had been friendly enough to him but he felt the undercurrent of expectation that he was to do right by her or they would keep nudging him in that direction until he did.

---

C.J. made a dent in her bottle of pickles pretty quickly. They tasted much better when she dipped them in some maple syrup she had on a little plate. She had asked for it, with her meal and Dave had looked at her funny and even Hollings had stopped by but Shelli had rescued her from the inquisitive men, explaining to them about how pickles and maple syrup actually went well together. Like sauerkraut and ice cream had worked for her, which had Hollings shaking his head and telling Dave The Story for the tenth time.

She had sat down and ate a pickle dipped in the syrup.

"Not bad," she said, "I don't know if I would bottle it up and sell it but for cravings, you could do much worse."

"I don't know what hit me," C.J. said, "but I stayed up late and all I could think about were these little pickles."

Shelli nodded.

"I know the feeling," she said, "but next week it will be something else."

"Ed's nearly done with the final cut on his movie," C.J. said, "It's really looking good."

"That's great," Shelli said, "So is Maurice going to give it final approval?"

"That's what we're waiting for," C.J. said, "But Maurice was busy meeting with Houston this morning about some restaurant he bought in L.A."

"Oh Maurice has businesses everywhere," Shelli said, "Including restaurants. He was hoping to start a franchise of barbecue places at one time."

"Well Houston loves barbecue so he might be willing to invest," C.J. said, "He's got to get Murray to look at Maurice's figures. He's the acting president of the corporation."

"Better watch out," Shelli warned, "Maurice is a pretty slick businessman."

"Houston's no slouch either," C.J. said, "Though he's not as actively involved anymore."

"So he was a business big shot before he became a detective," Shelli asked.

"Yes," C.J. answered, "I went to work for him and worked my way up the ladder to be vice-president. Then he funneled all of the profits to a charitable foundation and had left the day to day operations to his board."

"Wow," Shelli said. "It sounds like something you'd read in a magazine."

"Houston picked up his business smarts from his father who was an oilman," C.J. said, "but he never was content to be an office executive delegating. He always wanted to make the decisions himself."

"What did you do?"

C.J. smiled.

"I was his legal eagle as he used to call me," she said, "Harvard grad, clerked in criminal law but when I graduated, I wanted to work in his company."

"And he hired you right out of school," Shelli said, "Awesome."

C.J. chuckled.

"At first I was a bit overwhelmed when I went to my first board meeting just to observe," she said, "But I got over it."

Indeed she had by opening her mouth to provide her two cents about 10 minutes into the meeting and all of these older businessmen had looked at her as if seeing her for the first time and Matt, well he had just smiled and encouraged her to keep speaking her mind. She thought he had been practicing good business sense. After all, he had paid quite a pretty sum for her Harvard education but after time, she had realized that he had valued her insights into his business operations and she had wound up helping him in running it. His decision to make her the second highest ranking employee in Houston Enterprises had shaken up his board. She worked doubly hard to prove that the risk he had taken would prove golden.

She could remember the earliest days they had begun their professional relationship but couldn't trace back to the moment when she had first fallen in love with him. But thinking back, she realized after she believed that he had been dead, that she had harbored those feelings for years. Hiding them back in the recesses of her mind, because she didn't see a man who could be serious about one woman. And by the time he had become involved in relationships that were more serious, she figured that he would never have those feelings about her so she had moved on with her life.

Then life had tossed her a curveball out of the blue and here she was, thousands of miles away from L.A. and well, pregnant.

"Hi Matt," Shelli said suddenly.

C.J. looked up at him not even aware that he had walked into the Brick. He saw her pickles and choice of dip and raised a brow.

"Is that what I think it is?"

She looked up at him a bit sheepishly.

"I was hungry and I couldn't think of anything else last night," she said, "It really tastes very good."

He looked at her food warily.

"I'll take your word for it," he said, "But I'm buying you dinner later on."

"You don't have to," she protested.

"I know I don't have to," he said, "but I want to spend that time with you."

She looked at him and nodded but then she picked up a pickle and wagged him with it.

"As long as you leave my cravings alone," she said, "and don't make fun of them."

He nodded.

"Fair enough," he said, "as long as we can discuss your…non-culinary ones."

She flushed a bit and looked away.

"Houston…"

"I'm not going to pretend that night we shared together didn't happen," he said, then looked at her, "I think it's a little difficult to do at this point."

She had to smile at his reasoning.

"I'm not trying to forget," she said, "I can't. It's my body that's changing every day."

"You look more beautiful every day," he said, "Pregnancy certainly agrees with you."

"I feel really good," she said, "Much better than I did in the first months. I lived on crackers and broth."

He closed his eyes when he imagined her going through this all alone when he should have been with her. But a way to change the past into how it should have unfolded hadn't been invented at this point. Besides, what mattered was that they had reunited and he had no intention of leaving her again.

"But you're eating much better now," he said, "even if your tastes are somewhat a bit off the beaten path."

She chuckled.

"I know the whole pickles thing is cliché," she said, "but darn if they don't taste good and the syrup just adds to it."

"Like I said, I'll take your word for it," he said, "as long as Cicely's stocked in pickles."

"The little bitty ones," she corrected.

"Okay, I can call Murray and get a shipment of them on the next plane to Anchorage," he said, "and then Maggie can pick them up there…"

"Houston, it's okay," she said, "Besides by the time they arrive, my tastes might change."

"We could overnight them," he continued, "I'll call Fed Ex."

She shook her head at him, so determined to make sure she had what she needed. But all she really wanted was him. To see her as he had that night before everything had so irrevocably changed.

"You're here and that's all that matters," she said.

"So how's the film going," he asked.

"It's nearly done," C.J. said, "but Ed's got to meet with Maurice to see if he's going to make any changes."

"Yeah well I met with Maurice on that restaurant project," Matt said, "But all he wanted to do was ask about you."

"Really," she said, "Well he did try to hit on me that first day I met with him."

"He didn't really mention that part," Matt said, "but he did mention Chris."

"Chris, he's been really nice since I arrived here," C.J. said, "but we're just friends."

"That's what he told me when I ran into him," Matt said, "In between talking about his conversion of Maggie's piano into some form of performance art."

C.J. smiled having heard the story herself.

"Chris, he just reminds me that there's still a part of me that's the same woman I always have been," she said, "and that's hard to remember when your body's changing so much."

"C.J…."

She shook her head.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm happier about this baby than you could know," she said, "But I'm still that woman who fell in love with you."

He reached over to stroke her face.

"I think I remember her very well," he said, "She walked in the motel room and took my breath away."

She chuckled.

"Hardly, we were hiding out from just about everyone."

"We kept ourselves pretty busy as I remember," he said.

That they had, she knew, but still despite all they had shared together in a few precious hours, something had been missing.

"You told me you would never leave me…"

Her voice sounded wistful and her eyes grew guarded. He stroked her hair off of her face.

"I know," he said, "and I'm going to prove it to you if you just give me a chance."

She tilted her head at him.

"Are you sure you're up to that?"

He nodded, never more sure of anything in his life. And she watched him, wanting so much to believe him.

Chapter 29

The first time that they had been married to each other, it had been purely for show. The marriage certificate had been ordered overnight from a graphic design company, the signatures faked, in order to fool the men that they had put them under surveillance. Matt remembered when he and Roy had decided that the only way to have a prayer of uncovering the secretive disk was if he pretended to be married so that he could be more quickly invited into the inner circle of one of the most exclusive business cliques in California. It didn't even matter who played the role of his wife, because she wouldn't necessarily be viewed as a player, just a piece of background scenery while the men did all the work. In this clique, women were definitely to be seen and not heard. Decorative pieces to be worn by their husbands while attending galas and weekend conferences and presumably to keep them entertained later behind closed doors. Matt and Roy along with Roy's old buddy in the FBI hadn't really planned that far ahead, in fact at first Matt's "wife" was set to be an experienced agent, who was pretty and fully trained in the job that would lie ahead of her if she took the mission.

But when C.J. had walked in the room during a planning session, she had immediately caught the eye of Hawk, their FBI contact. Matt had been approached to take the assignment himself because the FBI needed an actual nationally renowned businessman to play the role and Matt's Army background including his stint in military intelligence wouldn't hurt. But Hawk eyed C.J. to play the role of the nondescript wife, to be used as a prop in the operation because he had been attracted both by her beauty and her intellectual prowess. All Matt needed was a woman who looked good, who could blend into a world of masculine culture and fit in.

Of course Matt had vetoed Hawk's suggestion, because he knew the assignment would include plenty of danger especially if they faced risk of discovery. He didn't want to put C.J. in the line of fire if the mission fell apart in its middle. But as it turned out, when C.J. had gotten wind of the mission, she took matters into her own hands.

Now she had issued Matt another challenge and that was proving to her and perhaps to himself that he wouldn't leave again. Matt knew that was a promise he fully intended on keeping. Now to get her to believe in it and in him.

"She really does dig you," Shelli said, while putting out some salt and pepper shakers, "She's just a bit wigged out still over what happened. I mean who wouldn't be?"

Matt had been sorting through some business files but his mind had wandered again to what had been, the decisions which had led him and C.J. to this point. She had told him what she had wanted him from him and then had taken off to go work with Ed to leave him to think about it. And he had started to do that but had been instead drawn back to the when he and C.J. had begun working on that last case. After he had called Murray and had asked him to ship a case of her brand of pickles to Cicely and ignored Murray's questions why.

"I know that," he said, "She can be very determined about the things that are important to her."

And the people who fell in that category as well, Matt had learned. She certainly hadn't accepted no for an answer when she had volunteered to work on that latest undercover job, the one where she would play his wife. He had tried to talk her out of her, but truth be told, she had presented arguments, a series of deft volleys, to counter every excuse he had provided as to why she had to sit this assignment out. Her determination and quick thinking had sold her case to Hawk and between the two of them, they had finally persuaded Matt that C.J. would be a perfect addition to this assignment. As for danger, they would take an extra effort to keep both of them protected. Of course both Matt and C.J. had seen how well that had worked in reality when it all played out.

"But that clearly includes you," Shelli reasoned, "but when you're knocked up, something's triggered inside of you to put that new life first."

Matt understood that and he didn't want to do anything that would challenge any maternal instinct that she might have towards their baby. In truth, he wanted to protect and take care of them both without stepping on her toes but so far, that hadn't worked very well. She had accepted him back into her life but still, kept a very important part of her separate. One of the parts of her that Matt had fallen in love with so hard and so suddenly. At least that's what it had seemed like at the time when she had kissed him and one thing had led to another…but now that he'd had plenty of time to run events over in his mind like a movie, he realized they had started laying the foundation for what had finally exploded between them without realizing it.

"Yeah I want to find away to take care of both of them," he said.

She chuckled.

"Just don't be so obvious that's what you're doing," she said, "because this chick is smart and she's not one who likes people telling her what to do."

Matt couldn't argue with that.

"She's made that clear already," he said, "She's never been one to surrender control of her life and I'm not one to push her."

Shelli shrugged.

"This isn't about control," she said, "It's about love and life and what those things mean to both of you and then working out a way to find them together."

---

C.J. saw Ed's final cut of his movie and the beauty and simplicity of it had stunned her to silence. Though she wouldn't ever consider herself a movie expert, she did love sitting in the back of a great flick with some popcorn and being reeled into it. When she had been growing up in Texas, she had used a trip to the movie theater for other things and usually a guy had been involved, but over the years, she had found that going to movies was a great escape from the hectic nature of the outside world, and she looked forward to it. Now Matt, he loved actions flicks with plenty of screeching cars whipping around and chasing each other, not to mention shootouts. She, favored mysteries which were left to the viewer to unravel and thrillers which left her and everyone else on the edge of their seats. But having watched the unique flavor of how Ed viewed the town that had raised him, she had found herself a convert to his type of film making. She knew that many other people would watch his movie and be quickly drawn in by its magic. Now if she and Edward could just get Maurice to sign onto it and keep him from trying to make too many changes to it, to commercialize it just as he had been trying to do like to Cicely.

"It's beautiful Ed," she said, simply.

He nodded thoughtfully.

"I think the orchids worked well at the end."

She smiled.

"They provided a fitting closing scene, especially with the fade out," she said, "Maybe with some music in the background…"

He looked at her.

"Great thinking," he said, "I can't wait to start the sound editing and scoring it."

C.J. rubbed her eyes.

"Do you have anyone to help you who's into music?"

He nodded again.

"Dave's got some cousins who have an ensemble," he said, "They've already volunteered."

C.J smiled at that and how the people in this town always came together with their generosity in good times as well as the more difficult ones. Even for strangers who wandered in their midst like her, were brought into their fold. She felt her eyes sting at the memory of how she had arrived here several months ago, pregnant and believing that Matt had been taken from the both of them by that explosion. She had picked Cicely on a whim, but maybe there had been something prodding her in what turned out to be just the right direction and had quickly found a place to stay and not long after that, her work with Ed. It didn't pay much money but she hadn't really needed it having plenty through investments and savings. But working with the budding filmmaker had kept her mind focused on a creative venture and less on painful memories.

She saw how the town had embraced Matt, not even asking questions after he had reemerged from being "dead" but then she had realized the town folk here were used to odd occurrences and just accepted them as part of the fabric of their extended family. Their protectiveness towards her and her baby didn't keep them from accepting Matt into that fabric as well. Both she and Matt had grown up having been raised in a sense by a smaller town outside of Houston that consisted of ranchers, oil riggers and miners. Both of them had pretty much stayed out of trouble while growing up because they knew if anyone caught wind of it, then it would be reported back to their homes by the time they arrived back. Though that life had seemed somewhat restricted back then, she had learned to value it and wanted the same for her family. The sense that family was much larger than what existed between four walls and that people were always looking out for each other.

When she had sat in the floor of her bathroom and stared at the stick which told her in a clinical way that Matt and her had created life when they had come together that final night, she had never felt as alone as she had then. Joy and sorrow, both for what could still be and what should have been collided inside of her and it had been a while before she could stand up and face the world again. For weeks, she had hung onto every memory she had of the man she had loved, the outlines of his face, the hint of his favorite aftershave, the feeling of his fingers on her skin, all to keep him alive inside her heart. She felt if she forgot any of that, it would be like losing him to death twice. And she couldn't let that happen. But she had finally opened her eyes, caressed her abdomen where her baby lived and had felt a sudden resolve to continue trying to push through life for the both of them.

His return had jarred that life, threatening to break it into pieces again, not because she wasn't overjoyed to see him in front of her again. But because she had learned how fragile that life and the dreams it contained had proven to be. Her attraction to him had been as strong as it had been when they parted, but every time she had felt herself gravitate towards wrapping herself up in his solid embrace, she had held back. And she knew that doing so had hurt him, though he never would be one to push the issue.

"Life can be so scary some times," she had said mostly to herself.

Ed looked over at her again.

"Yeah it can be," he agreed, "and then it becomes so wonderful again, and you forget you were scared."

She looked at him with a start, and then realized that his words sounded simple but carried more than a grain of truth. After all, her rush of feelings for Matt inside that hotel room, her need for him to take their relationship out of its platonic stage. They had danced around those boundaries they put for years, flirted with them several times, but in a manner of minutes, those walls they had built to protect their feelings had come tumbling down. And while the fear of what they were doing had been fleeting, the rightness of how their bodies and hearts had come together so fast and furiously that night still remained with her.

---

Matt had decided that Shelli had been right, that the things that mattered were those that you pushed for no matter what, and he knew what he wanted in his life. And he knew that underneath her reservation, C.J. really wanted the same things. So he had to try to convince her of that without pushing her. Rubbing his forehead, he really thought that sometimes he had been clueless when it came to women. Now that's not something he would have been anything but loathe admitting just a year or so ago when he had really been a player. Quite a few beautiful and in some cases, famous women had been in and out of his life, and while he interrupted his social life with a serious relationship here, a fiancée there, none of his relationships had ever survived. Part of him argued with that, by reminding him that he had been helpless when one fiancée had been murdered, while the situation with Elizabeth had hit more at home that women even those who loved him passionately found it difficult to fit in his frenetic life where he could take off at a moment's notice to take on some case halfway around the globe, always with the caveat that he might not come back. But even considering all that, when C.J. and he had hooked up on that last assignment, it had shaken him to the core even as he had never felt more fulfilled.

He had lain there, feeling her embrace and the quietness of her breath as she had slipped away into her dreams. Reason had returned and had tried to chide him for breaking through the boundaries of their life-long friendship but it hadn't found a home, because the fact had been, he hadn't wanted to be anywhere else but in that bed in some forgotten motel with her. He had watched her sleep; her mouth still curled in a smile and had envisioned a future with them both in it. In it, he saw her marrying her for real in front of their family, promising to honor and cherish each other (if not obey) in front of everyone who they loved. Living and working together, and playing too, and he had imagined a future with her swollen with his child, and the both of them surrounded by the family he knew they would create together. But he knew that she would awaken soon and her reaction…he hadn't known what it would be in the harshness of the reality of their situation. Whatever they had shared had to wait until this assignment ended and then…if she had any doubts about how right it was for them to be together, he could think of a few different ways to sway them.

Matt sighed, thinking back to the night that had changed his life in more ways than one. About what he had shared with the woman he probably had been in love with more of his life than he hadn't and what he stood to lose if he couldn't convince her what they could share together, a life of adventure of course and passion too given their…obvious chemistry but also of…love.

Chapter 30

After having spent the afternoon helping Ed realize his vision, C.J. had headed on back to the cabin. The sky had grown dark, the winds had begun to pick up and she just knew that meant snow. Or so Ruth Ann had told her when she had stopped in the general store to pick up the last batch of those little sweet pickles she just had to have these days.

The snowflakes had already started to fall when she turned into the driveway leading to the row of cabins and she had turned on the windshield wipers until she parked her car at the end of the road. She had bundled up that morning anticipating that the weather might take a turn and had been thankful about that. She walked into the kitchen as soon as she started up the fire place to prepare some hot tea and snacks for the women who would be coming to her cabin for the latest round of the Scrabble tournament. After doing that, she jumped in the shower and then changed into some comfortable slacks and a long woolen sweater before returning to the living room. She had stopped by the mirror for a look but still didn't notice anything different, well except for some pounds here and there.

Shelli arrived first and had brought some crisp fries that Dave had helped her make for her.

"Dave's fries are the best," she said, "He could wrap them up and sell them on cable television."

C.J. didn't doubt that. They were the best she had ever tasted and a couple of the pounds she had gained had no doubt come from eating them.

"I've got some mustard to go with the pickles," she said, "It's almost as good as the maple syrup."

Shelli looked at her and then shook her head.

"Girlfriend, you've got it bad," she said, patting her own abdomen, "but I did have this thing for that honey comb cereal mixed with caramel syrup."

C.J. raised a brow.

"That doesn't sound bad actually."

Shelli chuckled.

"I drove Hollings nuts tracking down the caramel syrup," he said, "Maggie was very nice and all, bringing in extra shipments from a specialty shop in Anchorage."

She and Shelli set up the refreshment table as the other women began to arrive and set up the Scrabble game so that they could get down and serious after piling up their plates. Maggie sat down with a contented sigh amongst her row of letters.

"So how was your flight to Anchorage," Ruth Ann asked, "You meet up with that friend of yours?"

Maggie nodded.

"Sure did," she said, "Molly Devers, who's an accountant and married to her high school sweetheart with two kids."

Shelli tilted her head.

"What's she doing up here," she asked.

"She shacks up with a charter pilot a few times a year," Maggie said, "He's based in Juneau but he happened to be in town."

Shelli's mouth hung open.

"Wow…is she like a multi-tasker?"

Maggie snorted.

"She could have any guy she wanted in high school so she picks the homecoming king," she said, "and she's cheating on him with some two-bit flyboy."

Ruth Ann looked at her.

"This wasn't by any chance your ex-boyfriend," she said.

Maggie paused.

"We went to prom together," she said, "and to the eighth floor of the Regency Hotel afterward."

Shelli furrowed her brow.

"But you couldn't have been together for very long, because he's not dead," she noted.

The other women nodded.

Maggie looked from one to another.

"Guys, could you just drop the whole Black Widow thing," she said, "I had nothing to do with the deaths of my boyfriends…they were all accidents."

Ruth Ann patted her arm.

"I'm sure that's the case," she said, "Now I think I have a high point word to start off with…"

---

Matt sat drinking his second beer at Hollings. He had just faxed off another round of paperwork to Murray back in L.A. and had checked in with Roy, telling him that he wouldn't be coming home just yet. Roy told him not to worry about either his company or his investigative agency, that both would be just fine and that he should take all the time he needed with C.J. Matt felt better when he got off the phone and looked at his watch. C.J. had invited him to drop by the cabin after she had finished hosting the Scrabble tournament with the town's other women.

Hollings came by, while cleaning some of the empty tables.

"How'd your day go," he asked.

Matt touched the rim of his mug.

"I did a lot of thinking today…about a lot of things."

"That's not always a bad thing," Hollings mused, "When you've got a baby on the way, a man's likely to do that a lot."

"There's so much to think about," Matt said, "I've never had someone depend on me for everything."

Hollings shook his head.

"I thought I would go my whole life without adding to my family's tree," he said, "People live a long time in my family tree so I thought I'd have plenty of time before I'd even have to think about it."

Matt listened to him, thinking that despite the differences in their ages and backgrounds, they shared a lot in common. Then Hollings' face lit up.

"Until I met Shelli, then it just seemed like it was the right time."

Matt looked into his beer.

"I thought about having kids most of my life," he said, "but I always put it off, I never seemed to find the right woman...when all this time she was right there with me."

"Life's funny like that," Hollings agreed, "sometimes what we're seeking is all the way across the planet trying to find us. Other times, it's hiding in plain sight."

Matt realized the truth behind what the man said, knowing that he had spent most of the time he had known his best friend taking her for granted, that she would always be there when he needed her, whether it was on a case, a stakeout or a personal crisis. She had nursed him through many a broken relationship including his engagement with Elizabeth that had nearly ended at the altar. He had tried to be there for her when she needed him in return. And in the past, she had allowed him in when she needed him. But this had been different, instead her behaviors had been more guarded and she had kept herself at a distance from him even after all they had shared together. But then again, Matt reminded himself, she had thought it had all been destroyed forever right in front of her and he knew that the scars from that night still ran deep. At least she had given him some room to work with in recent days and he planned to take whatever inch he could.

"My child could never have a better mother," Matt said, "She's always been great with kids, really patient with them."

"You two have any siblings?"

Matt shook his head.

"I have a cousin Will," he said, "but C.J. was an only child. Her parents died when she was young."

"So she spent a lot of time with you while growing up," Hollings said.

"She moved in with her uncle who was a rancher," Matt said, "but he mostly wanted another hand on his spread. We spent a lot of time together growing up working on both of the ranches and a lot of spare time as well."

Hollings nodded.

"She didn't talk much about her life in Texas but she did talk about her best friend."

Matt sipped his beer.

"We've been through a lot together," he said, "The only time we're separated is when I was in the military and she was at Harvard. As soon as we finished those obligations, we started working together on our first business venture."

"Your company's on the Fortune 500 but you donated it all to charity."

Matt knew that many people had questioned that decision that he had made after he had discovered a new branch in his twisted family tree. He had kept it to himself until after his father's death and even from C.J., until that night they had spent together.

"I had my reasons," he said, "Money never really seems to make people as happy as they think it will."

"Family's what really matters at the end of the day," Hollings said, "and at the end of a man's life."

Matt rubbed the back of his neck, remembering what his last thoughts had been when he thought he was looking at death after stepping inside that vehicle. The last vision that had flashed through his mind, of the woman he had just left, with a kiss goodbye and a promise to return to her. A promise he hadn't been able to keep right away. And he had left her pregnant, not that either of them had known at the time.

"The women should be winding down their tournament round pretty soon," Holllings said.

Matt began to gather his things together, noticing that it had started to snow outside.

---

C.J. and Shelli washed dishes in the kitchen after the tournament had wrapped up. Maggie had won this round narrowly over Ruth Ann and C.J. had spent most of the evening thinking about Matt and the fact that he would be arriving soon, for a late dinner. She had some venison preparing in the oven and some of the potatoes that she had started last night. What she didn't have prepared was what she was going to say to him when he arrived.

Matt tried to look through the snow as he drove down the road leading to her cabin. He saw some other vehicles parked at the end and chose the last spot. Getting out of his car, he saw that several of the women were walking to their cars and they shot him smiles as they prepared to leave. He entered into the cabin and the warmth inside embraced him as Ruth Ann squeezed past him.

"We've just finished up another round of Scrabble and are heading home," she said.

Matt walked into the living room and heard some voices from inside the kitchen where Shelli and C.J. were finishing up. Maggie took one look at Matt and rolled her eyes.

"Not surprised to see you coming around," she said, "We're on our way out of here so you'll be able to set things right with her."

"We're having dinner together," Matt said, "There's still a lot for us to work through."

Maggie shook her head at him.

"She loves you, you love her," she said, "I can't for the like of me figure this male-female thing out but if the two of you can get it to work for you…then I say go for it."

Matt knew that she meant what she said and that she was right. During his life, he had piled up one success story after another and had achieved just about every goal that he had set for himself. Now ahead of him laid the most important person in his life and for the first time in his life, he had felt at a loss of what to do. So concerned that he would say or do the wrong thing and lose her. But through his hesitation, he had left her feeling as if she were still alone.

C.J. walked out of the kitchen and looked up and saw him, stopping in her tracks.

"You're here…"

He gazed at her face, which had softened under the light.

"Am I early?"

A smile lit her face and she shook her head.

"No, you're just in time," she said, "I've got dinner out of the oven. Shelli's just finishing up before she heads back. Hollings going to keep an eye out for her in the snow."

"Yeah, it's really starting to fall out there," Matt said, "They said we might get nearly a foot."

She frowned suddenly.

"I can't let you drive in it later on," she said, "You can stay here tonight."

His brows rose.

"Are you sure," he said, "I can take the couch."

She started to answer and then Shelli entered in from the kitchen and went to gather her things after bundling up.

"Hollings going to meet me halfway," she said, "So I'd better get going."

C.J. and Matt looked at each other.

"Drive safely," C.J. said.

Shelli left them alone and C.J. looked up at Matt.

"Are you ready for some dinner," she said.

He smiled at her and then reached out to stroke the hair off of her face. She closed her eyes enjoying his touch. She felt her heart began to loosen its wrappings that protected for just a moment. He seemed to sense that and backed away.

"I'm ready when you are," he said.

She slipped her arm in his and they walked into the kitchen to serve themselves some dinner.

Chapter 31

Matt sat across from C.J. at the table, as she poured herself some grape juice in her glass. She didn't really miss alcohol all that much but a glass of wine every now and then suited her nicely, especially with venison. Not that she would take any chances with the baby, so the juice made a nice substitute. Matt stuck to his beer and dug into the meal.

"Great venison," he said, remembering back when it had been a staple of his diet during hunting season. His father and uncle used to take at least one trip a year whenever his uncle had been in between his frequent and very mysterious business trips, back when he had been an operative posing as a traveling salesman. They had invited C.J.'s uncle to come along but he usually begged off saying he had too much work to do back with the ranch with his head of stock going to sale that time of year. Matt went with his relatives when he'd grown older; it was one of the few times he got to spend with the two most important men in his life at the same time.

"Thanks," she said, "I remember how I used to help my uncle cook it, though he was much better at it than I am."

He took another bite, enjoying it and the fact that they were spending time together.

"I wonder what he would think about us," he said, "He never really seemed too fond of me."

She tilted her head, looking at him.

"He didn't like most of my friends," she said, "I think our friendship scared him, because it was something he couldn't control."

Matt knew that her uncle had tried his best to be a surrogate parent to her after her own had died within a short time of one another. But his idea of love had been to instill a hard work ethic in the young girl who had come suitcase in hand to stay with him and that meant that every hour she hadn't spent studying, she spent out on the ranch working as hard as the men. She had probably been the only law student at Harvard University with calluses still etched in her fingers.

"And me being unmarried and pregnant even being older would have shocked him," she said, "especially with you."

"You know I do intend to make an honest woman out of you," he pressed.

She just threw him another look.

"Houston, like I told you, I'm not marrying someone who feels obligated to do the right thing."

He pursed his lips, reading the expression on her face.

"I know, but that's not why I'm asking you," he said.

She put down her fork and folded her arms.

"I didn't hear you asking me," she said, "I heard you telling me."

He saw that she had started putting up her defenses around herself again and so he retreated, serving himself more potatoes.

"You're not going to push this marriage thing on me," she asked.

He shook his head innocently.

"Not another word," he said, "The topic is off the table for now."

She noted the flicker of disappointment in his eyes and felt a pang of guilt.

"Houston…"

"I'm just here to enjoy a delicious meal with the most beautiful woman in Cicely," he said, "and oh, there are a couple of cases of those pickles you like so much in the trunk of the car."

Her eyes lit up.

"Oh that's great," she said, "Ruth Ann sold me what she had left in stock."

His brow lifted at her enthusiastic response.

"There's some Tabasco sauce in there too if you'd like to try it," he offered.

She rolled her eyes at him.

"That's a bit much even for me to try."

He loved watching her eyes sparkle when she smiled like now and she looked great in that outfit which accentuated her figure, sitting right in front of him. He would have loved to move this conversation someplace else but she still had a bit of that wariness in those eyes that watched him so closely. As if a part of her were still afraid he would disappear if she lost sight of him.

---

She cleared the plates when they were done eating and he helped her clean them in the kitchen before they headed into the living room, where the fire awaited them. He went out into the snow to gather the pickles and brought them in the house. After opening the box in the kitchen, he picked up a jar of them and some chocolate sauce and looked at both items ruefully before returning to the living room.

A smile lit up her face as he handed them to her, after opening the pickle jar and she eagerly started eating them. His brows rose as he watched her until she looked back up at him.

"C.J. you just ate a pretty good-sized meal…"

She folded her arms.

"Houston, I'm eating for two and these pickles…they are just wonderful…"

"I'm sure they are," Matt said, "and there's enough in there to keep you in stock for a while."

She returned to her eating.

"Are you sure you don't want some?"

He looked at her dipping them in the sauce before popping them in her mouth.

"Like I said, I'll take your word for it," he said, "and I'm going to make sure the both of you have plenty to eat or anything else you need."

Her eyes stung a little bit.

"I know that," she said, "and I'm really not trying to push you away."

Matt saw the conflict in her eyes as she leaned back on her sofa looking into the flames sparking off of the old wood.

"C.J., I'm not going anywhere," he said, "Certainly not tonight and this couch looks comfortable enough."

She smiled and he saw a little more of the weight leave her eyes.

"That's good to hear," she said, getting up to get him some blankets for his night on the couch.

She went to the linen closet and brought them back for him, with a pillow.

"It's a little early for bed don't you think?"

She just shook her head at him, wrapping one of the blankets around herself as she sat down beside him on the couch.

"You tired," he asked her.

She shook her head again.

"I was pretty tired for a while all the time," she said, "but in the past couple of weeks, I've felt a lot better."

"Well I'm going to make sure you get plenty of rest," he said, "starting tonight."

Actually she had slept pretty well since he returned and the dreams had faded, dreams where she had watched helpless as he died in front of her.

"It's really nice that you're here Houston."

He reached for her and she fell into his embrace easily enough. She loved the feel of his strong arms around her; the scent of his cologne relaxed her. She tucked the blanket around them and snuggled closer.

"This is very nice too," he said, brushing his lips against her hair.

"Mmmm….," she said, closing her eyes, enjoying the warmth of the fire and the warmth around her.

---

It was really nice to spend some quiet time with him without having to worry about a case that might turn dangerous or one of the many different emergencies that cropped up in their line of work. So many times she had spent hours worrying about him, fears that she really could never share with him. Just part of the life that both embraced that she had to accept and just hope that he made it back safely whenever he went out the door.

He must have read her mind.

"I love what we do but sometimes it scares the hell out of me," he admitted.

She opened her eyes and clasped her hand over his own where they circled her waist.

"Join the club," she answered quietly.

He thought of all the times he had put himself in danger because of what he did, the life they had both chosen for themselves even though some people around them had thought they were crazy. Mostly him for signing away his multi-million dollar company to charity and pursuing his investigation work full-time. But the hazards of the job that impacted him were nothing compared to how her own life had been placed in danger. And how helpless he had faced every time that this had happened, especially when all he could do was watch.

He squeezed her more tightly and she felt it, knowing something had changed within him.

"Houston…"

He hesitated.

"I made a deal once," he said, "during the Peg Allison case."

She remembered that one, though not very much of it. The young heiress had been seduced into a radical cult and then subjected to brainwashing by its leader so that she would sign over her inheritance before they would kill her. Matt and C.J. had tried to help her but some of the cult leader's guards had opened fired on them as they had left with Peg's incriminating blood sample which would have proven that she had been drugged. The last thing she had remembered was getting slammed by something hard and then…nothing. Matt had filled her in on the rest of the case while she had been recovering from her bullet wound but she knew he left certain details out.

"What was that," she asked.

"While we were in the lighthouse…"

That's part of what she hadn't remembered was the time that she and Matt had been held captive by the cult, even after she had shot and desperately needed medical attention. What she remembered had been unrelenting pain and both the fear and relief of slipping away from it.

"I did a lot of praying in there and I promised that if you made it through this, I would tell you how much I cared about you."

She sighed.

"Well Houston of course you do," she said, simply, "We care about each other. I mean we've been best friends forever."

He lightly stroked her hip.

"I don't mean…like a friend."

She turned her head to look at him, puzzled and frankly shocked by his admission.

"What are you saying," she asked.

"That I probably loved you even before that moment," he said, "but that's when I realized the fullness of it was when I thought I was going to lose you."

She tucked her head against his chest again and held him, just as he held her.

"I remember a little bit…"

"How…"

She heard the puzzlement in his voice and took a deep breath before she shared a part of her perspective with him.

"I was out most of the time," she said, "I just remember intense pain…then slipping away…and that you were there holding onto me to keep me from getting lost…"

"I was afraid that you'd slip away the minute I stopped looking."

She stroked his hand.

"I felt pain…and then peace, which grabbed me with its intensity…and then I saw you holding my hand and telling me to hold on, that you would get me to a doctor."

"There was a young fellow helping me," Matt said, "but he was only a medical student."

"It was so nice where I was," she said, "but I didn't want to leave…because something brought me back…the feeling that someone loved me so much, it physically pulled me back."

He thought back to that early morning, when the sunlight had streamed through a small window near the top of the lighthouse, the morning after the longest night of his life when he knew that he had to find a way for them to escape…and suddenly like a whisper in his ear, it had come to him. And they had made it just in time for C.J. to have the surgery needed to save her life. A life that had continued onward with both its joy and struggles, including her car accident and bout of amnesia that had left her stranded inside a jail facility in some forgotten town caught up in a prostitution ring. She had felt the intense joy that he had when Matt had rescued his long-lost cousin Will and sorrow at the price paid with the loss of their dear friend, Too-Mean Malone. She had lost a close friend of her own from her childhood when she and Matt had been trying to uncover corruption in another small town. When her beloved friend's plane had landed on the airstrip safely and they had pulled the coffin out of it, she had nearly collapsed and grabbing her in his embrace had been her dearest friend. The same one who held her now. The same one who would always be there with her if she would only allow him in her heart.

"I felt you come back," Matt said, "I had your hand in mine and there was no pulse. I thought for sure I'd lost you but then I felt you come back to me…On my wedding day to Elizabeth, I remembered that promise I had made…"

But a man from his past hell bent on revenge had stopped that wedding or so she had believed, until Matt had told her that he and Elizabeth had broken off their engagement after discovering how very different they were and that their lives could never mesh in a way that could make them happy.

Elizabeth had said goodbye and had stroked his cheek assuring him that he would someday find someone to complement him as would she before she walked away. And Matt hadn't been in the mood to listen that day but on this day, with his arms and his heart wrapped around the woman who had been an integral part of his life, he realized that he hadn't had to look far and wide at all.

"C.J…I love you," he said, softly and then louder.

He waited for a response before he realized she had fallen asleep, her head resting against his chest and his hand clasped in hers.

Chapter 32

She woke up with him still lying asleep next to her, his arm tucked around her waist. A trace of pale sunlight flowed through the window which meant that it had stopped snowing. The forecast had assured people that the snow would come down more as a dusting than a full-blown blizzard so they probably hadn't been snowed in or anything like that. When she had been attending law school at Harvard University, she had lived in a rented house her final year just outside the city and had missed several days of school due to storms blowing in and shutting down the roads until the snow plows came to clear them.

And if that happened in Cicely, people might be snowed in for quite a while, something to think about if she planned to stay here until her baby arrived.

"Good morning…"

She felt his hands tighten on her abdomen and his body shift. Somehow they had become wrapped in each other's arms after moving to the bedroom from the living room. They had dozed off on the couch but after they both awoke when somehow he fell off of it, nearly taking her with him they had moved to the bedroom. At first he had sleepily assured her he would be just fine on the couch but she wouldn't hear of it, and off they headed. Only to sleep of course.

She turned her head to look and smiled at him.

"Sleep better?"

He grinned, kissing her lightly on the lips, and when his mouth left, she still felt that tingle rushing through her.

"I would say so," he said, "What about you?"

She sighed contentedly.

"I could get used to this," she said softly.

His heart lifted at those words and his lips met hers and this time, they remained there for longer.

"Me too," he said, finally remembering he had to breathe.

She closed her eyes as he pulled her closer to him again, his breath softly against her hair and his hands stroking her hips.

"Houston…"

"What?"

"You do understand why I can't marry you."

His hands stopped moving.

"I'm trying to C.J.," he said, "but I really think we need to think about this new life we're bringing in the world."

"Houston…it's hard for me to forget even if I wanted to," she pointed out, "I can't zip my jeans anymore."

He smiled to himself.

"That shouldn't be a problem," he said, kissing her shoulder, "One less thing to worry about coming between us."

She turned around and looked at him again.

"Oh no, you're not," she said, "That's how we got into this position in the first place."

He pretended innocence.

"What position," he said.

She rolled her eyes and thought about how good it felt to be snuggled against him, wrapped in his embrace which made her feel both safe and…not so safe. And he started doing very pleasurable things with his lips and her earlobe.

"That tickles," she said, smiling.

"Then I must be doing it right," he said.

She suddenly turned around to face him.

"What are we doing here," she said.

He lifted himself up on his elbows looking at her.

"C.J. you got better grades in biology than I did," he said.

"As I recall, I tutored you in some subjects in biology," she said, then grimaced, "That didn't come out the way I intended."

"You could pick up where you left off if you'd like," Matt offered, "or I could tutor you in a couple of areas."

She felt herself flush knowing exactly what he was talking about, as her mind flashed back to the night when they had conceived their child. She felt his lips on the nape of her neck and her skin goose pimpled.

"Houston…I don't think this is a good idea."

"What," he said, then kissed that spot just below her hair line, "Oh you mean…this."

Damn it, of course she did and he knew it! Playing with her mind like that, when he knew exactly what she was getting at. And how was she going to convince him that they couldn't get married like this, when he continued invoking such wonderful feelings through his mouth on her skin?

"Houston…I'm not the same woman I was a couple of months ago," she said.

He sounded surprised.

"You're not?"

She hesitated.

"I'm a bit…fuller."

He chuckled.

"I can see that," he said, "and it really suits you. Not that you're not the most beautiful woman in the world anyway but there's something about you…"

"I'm going to get a lot rounder," she warned.

"C.J., that's just as much my fault as yours…"

She had to smile at that.

"True… but one day I'll be too big to get out of bed without help," she teased.

He didn't miss a beat.

"Then we'll just stay there," he said, "and find some ways to keep busy."

"I'll bet…"

He released her reluctantly and sat up in the bed.

"I'll go fix some breakfast," he said, kissing her again on her lips before getting up and walking to the kitchen.

She just lay back on the bed, wondering what she had done or said wrong. Now he hadn't done anything wrong, in fact her body had loved the attention he had been giving it this morning. Just because she was pregnant didn't mean…she smiled to herself. But damn if he hadn't cut her off with that kissing when she had tried to broach the subject of marriage and why she couldn't do it. Not the way he wanted, that it was something that they needed to do to legitimize the life growing inside her. She knew that he cared very deeply for her and the physical attraction…clearly no problem there but she wanted much more than that. She had told him that she had loved him before he left her night, not for the first time in her life.

Looking back, she had confessed her feelings to him on that matter several times usually during periods of intense crisis which brought out the emotional vulnerabilities in both of them. The walls that they kept up between them when other feelings besides those involving their lifelong friendship threatened to emerge, usually didn't fare too well when their lives were in danger or one of them had been physically harmed. She had told him she had loved him when they had just seen a close friend of theirs, Andrea, get shot by an unknown sniper. Next thing they knew they were under heavy gunfire and trapped inside an office with only furniture and their wits to keep them alive. She had felt such strong emotions that had been suppressed for a long time erupt when she looked into the face of the man she had known most of her life, thinking it might be the last face she ever saw if she died there with him. Fear had struck her but so had the realization that if she had to leave the world in a violent suddenness, at least she hadn't been alone, but sadness had also hit her at the thought that he might be gone too and that she had never told him…

She sighed, knowing that something inside her had catalyzed those words she kept hidden out of her mouth and once they were out, she couldn't take them back. He had just looked at her, as she tried to read his face and saw his own emotions swirling there. Then they had to escape what turned out to be a booby trapped building about to explode and into his car where once the adrenalin began to ebb out of her system, she noticed that she had been bleeding from a gunshot wound. She had looked back at the flames erupting out of the building, knowing that the evidence that could clear Matt of murder charges would soon turn into ashes. She urged him to go inside but he just shook his head at her as if she were crazy and drove her to the hospital to save her life.

He went on the run, away from her for weeks and turned to his long-lost uncle who had covert connections to clear him which happened, with C.J.'s help and life went back to normal, and they never addressed the words that she had said to him that night. That had hurt her, she knew looking back and maybe, when their old college buddy, Robert Tyler had come sailing back into town and their lives to take a news anchor position at a local network, she had been more susceptible to the charm that infused from him behind his easy smile and his good looks. The man that she considered marrying had come between her and Matt and she had even threatened to break off their friendship over Robert when Matt had told her that he had been behind the kidnapping plot. She had been so overwhelmed by the return of Robert into her lives and her arms and the memories of what had happened the night she had told Matt she had loved him that she had almost walked away forever. And she had never told him the complete truth about what had driven her to leave him.

She lay there digesting all that when Matt returned with some dishes of what looked like one of his omelets and some toast, along with some coffee for him and herbal tea for on her omelet were several of her beloved pickles, and that just made her smile. He winked at her.

"Just in case the craving hits," he said, "It's a long way to that kitchen."

They both sat on the bed, eating breakfast together.

"This is delicious," she said, "I forgot how much I missed your cooking."

"I've spent years perfecting the Texas omelet," he said, "but it still needs some work and you have to be more creative with ingredients up here."

She shrugged.

"The pickles are what's important…"

He smiled.

"C.J., you've got a crate in there," he said, "We can work them into a lot of different recipes."

"I'm sure," she said, picking one of those delicious pickles and popping it into her mouth, "It's strange having such a harbor for pickles. I don't usually like them very much."

"Cravings are normal in pregnancy," Matt said, "or so I've read."

Her brows rose.

"You've been doing some reading?"

He nodded.

"I just had some books shipped in from Amazon," he said, "all about the different stages of pregnancy and what to expect."

Her heart warmed at that.

"That's really nice of you to do that."

Matt sipped his coffee.

"That I'm really happy that we're having a baby together and want to be involved in what happens with him or her?"

She tilted her head.

"I know you do," she said, "and I want you there with me. Our child needs his or her parents."

Matt hesitated.

"C.J. about my wanting to marry you…"

The second time that topic had come up this morning, the first they had really spent together in a long while.

"I told you…"

He put down his plate on the bed and reached over to cup her chin in his hand.

"I want to marry you," he said, "Not just because you're having my baby. I know this pregnancy wasn't exactly planned…"

She hid a smile.

"No, but it's very much wanted anyway."

He couldn't be more in agreement.

"Funny isn't it," he said, "I never knew I'd ever feel strongly in my life that this was what I wanted," he said, "To build a family like my parents did."

"I'm not going to deny you that," she said, "Not ever. It's just that…"

His lips reached for hers again and he stopped the rest of her sentence with a kiss. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him closer to her.

"You want me to say that I love you…"

She blinked her eyes open in surprise and pulled away, looking into his eyes.

"What…"

He paused and she thought she saw his eye lids flutter as if they'd been stung.

"I've never really been a man of words C.J.," she said.

She nodded.

"You're an action type of guy," she said, "I've always known that. It's hard to miss watching you chase the bad guys and save people's lives before coming home to soak your bruises away in the hot tub just to go out and do it all over again."

"That's the way my daddy was and his daddy I suspect," he continued, "but I really never meant to make you think that's all that I was and I couldn't say what needed to be said…"

She sighed.

"Houston, I know that about you and it's part of the reason why I fell so hard for you," she said, "because you're more a man of action in some very important and some…pleasurable ways too."

He smiled at the hint of pink in her cheeks.

"It's just that when I look at you, I seem to lose whatever words that I do have," he admitted, "You just knock me down every time you look at me in that certain way of yours…and I forget what it is that I want to say."

"I noticed," she said, smiling more broadly.

"But that's no excuse for not telling you how I feel in less…physical ways," he said, stroking her face again, "though I still plan on doing a lot of that."

She sure hoped so! Yes, words mattered, she was a trained lawyer for pete's sake but truth be told, she really loved the more tactile communicating they did together.

"Houston, you don't have to explain anything," she said, "I told you I loved you and I love all of you even when you get all tongue tied."

She watched his face change again and saw the effort behind what he had been trying to say before and she reached for his hand, taking it in her own and that appeared to relax him a bit, enough to continue.

"When I told you I wanted to marry you, it wasn't because I felt it was the right thing to do…," he said, "It's because I love you so damn much and I can't live without you in my life."

C.J. felt her own eyes tear up. She remained quiet for a long moment, but still held onto his hand, rubbing it while looking straight at him.

"Oh Houston…that's words enough for me," she said, reaching for him, "You can always show me in other ways…like…"

"This," he said, stroking her lips with his finger.

She arched her brow at him and his insides melted as he felt desire rush through him.

"Or this, you old cowboy," she finished, reaching for him.

She wrapped her arms around him and drew him against her and he gently shifted his body over hers and as his lips claimed her own, he started reminding her that when it came to other forms of communication, he could more than get his feelings across just fine.

And for a Harvard trained lawyer who lived and breathed on the spoken word, so could she.

Chapter 33

She snuggled closer to him as they lay spent and he wrapped his arms around the woman that he thought he knew very well but who never ceased to surprise him. Either through her beauty, the wisdom or that unexpected outburst of passion when her guard slid down, she shared new aspects of herself. He knew that he had put that wariness in her eyes which mirrored that of her heart and he had wanted to be responsible for taking it away.

He hoped that what he had said to her was a good start. She looked over at him, and felt that indeed he had communicated his feelings towards her very well. Both through his words and in other ways…she thought with a smile on her face. She still felt his fingers stroking her back

"You sure know how to show a lady a good time," she said softly looking at him.

He raised a brow.

"So I take it that's a yes to my marriage proposal?"

She smiled.

"I'm certainly going to give it some more thought," she said, "although any further persuasion you can give me will be most helpful to your case."

He answered that by brushing her lips with his own, gently at first and then she responded.

"Yeah, like that," C.J. said, in between kisses.

He stroked her hip.

"And this," he kissed her mouth again.

This time she pulled away.

"You know it's not that I don't want to marry you," she said, "I just want to know that you'll be there."

He looked at her and she met his gaze.

"I will be there," Matt said, "I'm not going anywhere."

Her eyes stung and she looked away.

"That's what you said that night," she said, "When you left to go with those men and the next thing I knew…"

He knew, he had gotten into the vehicle just before it had exploded. He had nearly died because the case that they were working on had been dangerous; their career of choice had been dangerous. Each time they left on an assignment, they risked injury or even death. And even though they hadn't talked about that part of their work very often, they understood it.

But for C.J. it had all changed when she thought she had lost him and even more so when she had discovered she was pregnant. She could take risks for herself but not her unborn child and face it, she hadn't just gotten bumped around a bit, she had gotten shot several times and was lucky to be alive.

"Things have changed Houston," she said, "I've changed and so has my life. I've got to keep my baby safe."

"Our baby," he said, "and that's my responsibility too."

She nodded.

"I know that," she said, "but it's going to be a major change, at least for a while and I'm not sure what I want to do or where I want to live."

"You don't want to go back to L.A…"

She looked conflicted.

"I don't know," she said, "Maybe not right away. Everyone who wants to come after you knows where to find you."

"The guys who were after us," Matt said, "They've been caught and are on their way to long prison sentences."

"But there are others," C.J. said, "I know it's always been like that but living here, it's the first time in a while I've been able to slow down and relax."

"I can see that," Matt said, "so you want to stay here?"

"I don't know Houston," she said, "I still have so many decisions to make. I feel like my whole life has changed."

She appeared a bit flustered at the thought of that. Joy mixed with some trepidation, not to mention suddenly having hormones flowing through her, causing all these changes to her body not to mention her mood. Matt couldn't really understand what she was going through, given that his contribution to her state had been a night of receiving and of course, giving pleasure.

"I think we're both going to be seeing a lot of changes," Matt said, "Change isn't a bad thing."

She sighed.

"Of course it's not and I'm looking forward to what lies ahead but that doesn't mean there aren't decisions to make."

She had him there and all he wanted to do was to make some of that easier for her. To reassure her that it would all work out and then to take her in his arms again, after all the morning still looked young.

But she looked at her watch about then and started moving away.

"Look at the time," she said, "I have a meeting at the Brick with Ed over how he wants to handle the sound mixing."

Matt arched his brow.

"Sound mixing," he asked, "This film making is very technical."

"I don't handle that part of it thank goodness," she said, "But Ed likes to bounce ideas off of me. We've really formed a good creative partnership."

And that had surprised her a lot because C.J. hadn't believed that she had a creative bone in her body. Matt saw the happiness on her face when she talked about it and he smiled.

"You'd better run along then," he said, "But later on, we're going to be picking up where we left off."

In more ways than one, he added silently. They had a lot of issues to discuss and work out before them before he had any chance of slipping his ring on that finger. Speaking of which, Murray had promised to ship it overnight up to Alaska, the one that he had picked up, custom made, when he first came back to the land of the living. Not that it was hard to make that decision, he had spent his time on exile while those he loved had mourned him thinking a lot about the future. Then planning it with the woman he had fallen in love with, without knowing it.

---

C.J. had gotten dressed in her usual outfit these days of larger sized jeans and a long woolen sweater. She wrapped around a colorful scarf to accentuate her outfit feeling like it this morning. As she walked outside, the air remained crisp from last night's snowfall but it had already began to melt, leaving a path of slushy mud to her car.

She drove to the Brick thinking about Matt. How could she not after the night and morning they had just spent together, she mused with a smile. Not that she didn't know exactly what he was doing, and yes, it was dirty pool to remind her of the feelings he had invoked in her during that night months ago. The sensations that he could arouse just with his hands, she sighed turning onto the main road to her meeting with Ed.

He waited there for her and had clearly finished breakfast, and had a pile of papers next to him. She sat down next to him after taking off her coat and picked up one piece of paper, skimming it.

"What's this," she asked.

Though the answer to that question had been quite clear. It wasn't Ed's writing on the paper, but it did look very familiar to her.

Maurice.

She looked over at Ed and he just shrugged.

"These are Maurice's changes that he wants made in the film," he said simply.

C.J. felt indignation fill her.

"What in blazes does he think he's doing," she said, "It's your film. Yes, he sponsored it but you're its artist."

"He didn't like the orchard scene."

C.J. sighed, thinking that this particular final scene before the fadeout had been one of the most effective in the entire movie and she remembered back to when she and Ed had marveled over it while he had been editing the film. Not to mention the greenhouse that housed the delicate flowers in the midst of Cicely's harsh winter.

"It's a great scene Ed," she said, "We've got to find some way to get Maurice to understand that."

Ed flipped through more sheets.

"He didn't like the montage of the town's oldest residents either."

C.J. sighed again.

"Is there anything he did like?"

Ed looked up from the pile of papers.

"That interview we did of the realtor who sang his praises over his planned shopping mall."

Naturally, C.J. thought.

Ed looked around the Brick.

"So where's he?"

C.J. furrowed her brow.

"Who…Oh you mean Houston," she said, "He's back at the cabin."

The words had slipped out without any thought but Ed didn't seem to react to them.

"Are you going to marry him?"

C.J. looked taken aback but then relaxed, knowing that Ed wasn't judging her, he just was curious. But she still hesitated.

"I don't…know," she said, "He's really playing hardball but it's such a major decision."

"You love him."

"Well yeah I do and I know he loves me but his career…it's so dangerous and it takes him away a lot."

Ed nodded.

"You worry he'll never come back and you will be left alone with your baby," he said.

C.J. looked up at him and nodded.

"I loved what we both did, don't get me wrong but it's different when there's a baby in the mix," she said, "A baby that needs both of his or her parents to grow up healthy."

Ed nodded again.

"So you'll work it out," he said, "What you'll plan to do."

"I know that I want him in my life with me raising our child," C.J said, "I just don't know what to do about the danger and uncertainty if the next time he dies, it's for real."

---

Matt showered and got dressed and then walked to his car to go fax more documents to Murray and to check to see if his ring had arrived. On his way, he ran into Maggie who was cleaning up the area around her own cabin.

"Hi there," she said, cheerfully, "How are things going?"

He studied her, wondering where this bright mood of hers had come from and then decided to let it rest.

"Doing great," he said, "In fact, I was about to check on the mail in town."

She looked at him, as if trying to remember something then she broke into a smile.

"I have something for you that came in yesterday," she said, "Just let me go and get it."

He waited near his car for her to return and she did with a small box in her hands.

"This was in Anchorage yesterday," she said, "Overnight delivery."

He took it from her.

"Must be something very special," she noted.

"It is."

She looked down at her boots.

"Listen, I know that I sound a bit…harsh on this whole male/female thing but it's just because I've never been able to understand it, let alone make it work."

She seemed a bit embarrassed at that behind her lovely brown eyes which accentuated her oval face. In another life, maybe he would have been drawn to her if he hadn't given his heart already to someone else.

"It's not always easy to figure things out," Matt said, "But when the time is right, it will come together."

She shrugged.

"I don't know," she said, "I'm not holding my breath and it's kind of nice being on my own for a while and not hearing people in town whisper beneath their breaths at how I killed another boyfriend."

She tried to inject humor into her words but Matt heard the sadness.

"That's just silly. I've worked on many a murder case and have seen some unusual things but no one can kill anyone just by loving them."

Maggie smiled at that, her eyes melting.

"Thanks, I needed to hear that from a pro."

He nodded and continued on to his car.

"Oh and Matt, if that's what I think it is…"

He turned to face her.

"Did you peek," he asked, "You know there's federal laws prohibiting that."

She started to respond but the light in his eyes and the smile forming on his mouth told her he was joking.

"No I didn't," she said, "But I'm just saying, she clearly loves you but she's already thought you died once and I know better than most how it feels to believe that you're responsible…"

"But she's not."

Maggie smiled again.

"She understands that in the thinking part of her brain," she said, "but not its feeling part. It's only natural after all."

Matt nodded, understanding.

"So you've really got to convince her that no matter how much she loves you and especially how much, that you're not going anywhere."

Matt thought at this point that would be the easiest to prove if not to sell to C.J. And he had to do the latter to get to the former, but he had some time to think about it while C.J. spent her day working with Ed.

And maybe if he played his cards right…well he had to figure that part of it out still. But he knew that C.J. loved him underneath her reticence and she definitely loved how he made her feel. A smile curled his lips at the memory of that as he got inside his vehicle to head into town.

Chapter 34

Ruth Ann beamed at Matt when he arrived at the general store to check to see if Murray had faxed him a pile of more documents to sign. Obviously word had gotten around about Maggie's special delivery that she brought in from Anchorage. Not that it would take a genius to figure out what had been inside the tiny little box with the expensive over-night postage. Murray had left a rambling message on his cell phone about all the special care that he had taken to make sure that he had picked up the right ring at the right jeweler in Beverly Hills and that he had shipped it to the right rustic town hidden in the remote corner of the country's only remaining untamed wilderness.

Matt hadn't bothered to return the call because he knew to do so would wrap his corporate president more in a dither. The important thing was that the ring made it and that C.J. had appeared much more receptive to marrying the father of her baby. Then of course she had ran off to another creative meeting with Ed at the Brick.

"So what's it look like," Ruth Ann asked casually.

He looked at her and she casually thumbed through a Christian Science newspaper. No need to act coy since Ruth Ann most likely had already heard on Cicely's information highway what Matt had done.

"It's beautiful," he said, "I had a jeweler that I know design it according to some pictures that I sent him."

Ruth Ann nodded.

"An engagement ring is a very special rite of passage for many young women," she said, "While I remember…well it was a very auspicious occasion anyway."

Matt wondered how C.J. would react when she gave it to her. Would her heart melt and would she accept what he had to offer, or would the defenses go up?

"You know I wouldn't be so worried if it takes you a couple times to ask her before she accepts," Ruth Ann said, "But the ring will definitely help…it's a visual symbol of your love."

Okay Ruth Ann had a point, maybe not as much a visual representation as the baby that grew inside of her, but C.J. would look at the ring and know that he meant what he said, wouldn't she?

"You might want to present it in a setting that's both relaxing and very romantic," Ruth Ann continued, "and some music for atmosphere never hurts."

Matt made some mental notes.

"Some music…okay that sounds great…"

"Chris had a very exhaustive CD collection," Ruth Ann offered, "I'm sure he'll be more than happy to help you pick out some great selections.

Matt wasn't sure that he wanted to go to Chris for help but then remembered that it had been foolish to ever worry about C.J. and the disc jockey getting together. He knew that her heart belonged to him and his to her and he wasn't a pro at this type of thing. Oh yes, he had a history with the ladies and he had even proposed a time or two but this seemed different…

"Thanks Ruth Ann," he said, "I guess I'd better go check on those faxes…"

She smiled again at him as he disappeared down the stairs.

---

C.J. blew an exasperated sigh at Maurice as Ed sat patiently next to her. The businessman had crashed their meeting and tried to impose more creative changes in Ed's film, even wanting to sit in the editing session. Ed had looked at C.J. and she had decided quickly she was having none of that. Even if Maurice had provided financial backing, it still remained Ed's film and his vision.

"Look Maurice," she said, "Ed's put a lot of care and work into his product and you hired him because of his talent, right?"

Maurice looked up at her thoroughly enjoying the fiery woman in front of him.

"Well…"

"No Maurice," she continued, "Ed's film is brilliant and it's nearly completed except for the sound mixing and when you see the final cut, I'm sure you'll agree that he's a very talented film maker with great vision who knows what he's doing."

"Now you listen here missy…"

C.J. arched an eyebrow at him.

"Okay…Ms Parsons," Maurice amended, "I realize he's got talent but its raw, untamed, filled with the recklessness of youth…"

"Speaking from experience," she said, drolly.

Maurice looked a little flustered at that.

"Well…no but I have much more experience at this sort of thing than he having been involved in the filming of promotional spots for NASA."

"That's different Maurice," C.J. continued, "Ed's worked really hard on this film and put a lot of care into it and it's nearly finished…"

Maurice sipped at his coffee and stared at her.

"You look very beautiful this morning," he noted.

She didn't know how to react to his change in subject so she just smiled.

"Thank you, I feel wonderful," she said, "It's something in the air."

"I hope he treats you well…"

She arched both brows up this time.

"Excuse me?"

"That man who came here to take you back home," Maurice said, "He's got spirit and entrepreneurial drive…reminds me of myself back in the day."

God forbid, but C.J. didn't think the two men resembled each other at all…except for the fact that they were highly successful businessmen.

"But he did come here under a different name and that concerns me," Maurice continued, "and you came here for her own reasons and they had something to do with thinking he was dead."

C.J. wondered what Maurice was getting at in his narrative.

"Not that it's any of your business, but I've known Houston since I was a little girl and he's never been anything but the best friend to me."

Maurice smiled, sipping his coffee again.

"He's the father of that baby…"

Now she felt irritation fill her.

"Maurice, you need to stay on the business of this meeting and it's Ed's film."

But Maurice had found a topic he clearly wanted to discuss whether she cared to do so or not.

"Now listen, he seems like a nice young buck and obviously knows how to get his arrows on point but…"

She put her hand over her face.

"I'm not going to discuss my personal life with you during a business meeting," she said, "or anywhere else for that matter."

He put up his hand.

"Now hold on there," he said, "I wasn't trying to do anything but make sure as a gentleman that everything was okay with the lady."

She sighed.

"Back to Ed's film…this 'lady' is reminding you that you funded his film giving him absolute creative control…"

"There's nothing in writing," Maurice countered.

She smiled back at him.

"There doesn't have to be Maurice," she said, "You've always said to people that you're a man of your word after all and that should be more than enough."

He stopped talking long enough to think about that for a moment. Then he broke into a wide smile.

"C.J. I like your style," he said, "Are you sure you really want to hang out with that cowboy…"

She nearly rolled her eyes but had to smile at the question he had asked her. Of course she did, she didn't want to wake up and see anyone else lying beside her or hold her in his arms at the end of the day.

There had been times during their long friendship when she had wondered what it would be like to have him be the man in her life and in other places, what he would be like to marry, to raise children with surrounded by the life both of them deeply loved and shared. In the past, she had shrugged off her thoughts and put her dreams back where she believed they had belonged in some recesses of her mind reserved for wishful thinking.

But reality intervened and it had turned out to be even better than she had imagined. She just didn't want to wake up one morning and reach for him, and find him gone or to receive a phone call from Hoyt or some other law enforcement officer telling her that he would never be returning home. Not that she had needed to be told the night he had died in front of her, as she still visited that dreadful night in her dreams. The pain, the loss of her dream of sharing a life with a man who had shown her what that could be like.

And she didn't want to be left alone to raise their children, who would spend their lives asking her what happened to their father, even as she kept him alive for them with her own memories. She sighed and returned to the present and to Maurice and Ed who were fighting over the young film maker's own creation, his brainchild.

---

Matt left the general store after faxing a bunch of documents back at Maurice who apparently had been in some sort of electronic wiring frenzy upon arriving at his office that morning. Chris had left a message on his cell phone after the fact, explaining that Murray had been upset about the delays imposed on a merger between a telecommunications equipment firm and Houston Enterprises. Matt had called back and assured her that everything would be worked out between the two entities at the charity golf tournament at the Los Angeles Country Club later that month.

Would he be going, Chris had asked and Matt had to think about that. Usually he did, even though golfing wasn't his sport but Roy loved it and the thought of spending that time with his uncle left him feeling better than if he had just sent a huge check. But would C.J. be coming back to the city with him, when doing so didn't seem to be in her plans now that she was pregnant. Not that he blamed her, as L.A. wasn't exactly the place he wanted to raise their child either. But they could look at some property nearby, where he had lived when he still had his ranch. Some great spreads with nice looking houses still remained in the relatively unsettled valley.

He walked down the street and ran into Joel, or what looked like the doctor bundled up beneath all his winter garb which Matt believe he wore as a defense against more than just the weather.

"Hi there," Matt said.

Joel narrowed his eyes at him a moment then smiled.

"Cold morning isn't it?"

"A little," Matt said, "Are you heading to the Brick?"

Joel nodded.

"I'm meeting C.J. there for lunch," Matt said, "She's got a meeting with Ed."

Joel frowned.

"Maurice came in for a blood pressure check and started going on about Ed's film again," he said, "How he was going to give him a little guidance. There's nothing subtle about Maurice's involvement in anything."

Matt knew that to be true even after only being in Cicely a short time.

"I guess that means he's crashed the meeting," he said, "C.J. can handle him but she shouldn't have to, he should just back off and let Ed do his thing."

Joel laughed.

"That's like telling a shark not to eat meat," he said, "How's C.J. doing?"

"She's doing fine," Matt said, "She's eating fine but she's got some strange cravings."

Joel turned clinical.

"That's completely normal," he said, "Unless she starts eating dirt or something like that."

"And she's been sleeping well…"

Joel's interest piqued.

"I take it you've been spending a lot of time together?"

Matt nodded.

"That's great," Joel said, "It's definitely better for the mother-to-be to have the father around to provide much needed support."

"I wouldn't be anywhere else."

"I can see that," Joel said, "Her pregnancy's going very well and she's got a great head on her shoulder and is balancing its role in her life."

"She's always been smart about everything," Matt said, "and she listens to advice…most of the time."

They approached the Brick and Joel opened the door.

"Well that will help make this a smoother road for her at least as far as the pregnancy goes," he said.

The two of them entered the room and saw C.J. standing up and waving her finger at Maurice who remained in his chair. Matt walked on over there.

"C.J. what's going on here," he asked.

She turned around to face him and rolled her eyes.

"We're just having a business meeting Houston," she said, looking over at Maurice, "It's almost over."

Matt nodded.

"I'll order us some lunch," he said, "What do you want?"

C.J. thought about it.

"A burger with lots of fries and extra tomatoes on the side…and some chocolate sauce on the side."

Matt's eyes widened.

"Chocolate sauce?"

She nodded absently.

"Yeah that's right," she said, turning back to Maurice, "Now listen Maurice, you have no right to stand in judgment of me and my pregnancy, nor do you over Ed's ability to create a masterpiece."

Maurice just stared at her and Matt looked at him sharply.

"What did you tell her," he said, folding his arms.

C.J. sighed at him.

"Houston I can handle this," she said, quietly, "You go save me a seat and after we finish lunch, I'm taking the rest of the day off."

Maurice's jaw dropped.

"But we've got other things to discuss…"

She put her hands on her shoulder.

"We're done discussing the same thing over and over," she said, "You're going to allow Ed to have creative control of his film and I'm spending the rest of the day with my baby's father."

Matt had to smile at that and he stroked her back, before pulling her closer to him.

"Come on; let's go get us some lunch."

They walked away, both smiling for their own reasons.

Chapter 35

When she first saw him, she never guessed he would someday be the love of her life. She had been a young girl and he a young boy, and their friendship had grown stronger every day like two separate pieces of rope intertwining together to create the strong bond between them. A bond that had been tested but had always held despite a handful of blowups between them including the one where she had walked out on him and his company because he had told her that the man that she loved then had been a remorseless kidnapper and killer.

Fortunately, common sense and her trust in his feelings for her had drawn her back into his life just as quickly as she had left it. But even then she hadn't known that they would ever get together.

They had left the Brick and her meeting with Ed and Maurice behind and headed back to the cabin, well after picking up some food to go. Food that could be kept warm in the oven would work best while they spent their time working up an appetite.

Each time they came together, C.J. thought as she held onto him that it couldn't get any better but each time she discovered she was wrong. Afterward, they remain wrapped up, their hearts both slowing down and she looked at him and smiled.

"You're trying to soften me up," she said.

He looked innocent.

"Is it working?"

She stroked his chest.

"Maybe," she said, "It's not that I don't want to, you know."

Oh he did know that. She had watched him propose to several women, get engaged and yet never put that pledge into action. Once, his fiancée had been murdered, another time she had left him unable to cope with the fact that he couldn't separate his professional life from his more personal one, anymore than he could physically split himself into two parts. C.J. had shaken her head at that explanation as to why Matt's last engagement to Elizabeth had gone bust. Silly, she thought, if you can't love the whole person, why be with him at all?

At the time she hadn't realized just how personally she had answered her own question. But now she knew better even more so than she had that night when she had thrown caution in the wind and had allowed herself to feel more for him than she had ever allowed. When she had challenged him with her body when words failed to return that feelings, she hadn't known how he would respond. For a split second, she wondered if she should have taken the chance at all to get closer…but he had answered her unspoken question with his own body, and had made love with her as if he had waited his whole life to do it.

Now…months later, she knew that even if there hadn't been a baby on the way, that his feelings towards her had grown and that had done a lot to alleviate her own fears about his place in her life. If he died tomorrow, she would still mourn him but if she had never known what she'd missed…she would mourn that too.

She felt his embrace tighten and she kissed him again. They did that for a while before she settled next to him curling her body against his own.

"You're so beautiful," he said, softly.

She smiled.

"I'm…beginning to definitely show…," she said a bit shyly.

She felt his hands caress her abdomen where their baby grew, stroking the small bump that had seemingly shown up overnight. Her pants had grown ever tighter but until now, she hadn't seen more tangible evidence of what they had shared the first night they had spent together.

"I noticed…and you're the sexist women…"

She chuckled.

"I'm the only woman in the room."

"You're the only woman in my heart," he finished, "and I can't say how much I enjoyed this time we've spent together."

She looked directly into his eyes.

"Then show me cowboy…"

And so he did.

---

They sat eating their food a long while later, while sitting in front of the fire together. Their meal was delicious and they sat in comfortable silence for a while.

"I'm glad the food stayed warm," she said finally.

"Yeah we were otherwise…occupied."

The light still shone outside showing that it was about late afternoon. C.J. wrapped the blanket around her that Matt had found and after they had finished eating, she patted her sofa for him to come and join her. He put his plate aside and did, and she placed the blanket over them both while they sat there in the cozy cabin snuggling together.

"So where are we going to have this baby," he asked.

She thought about that.

"I don't know," she said, "I guess I'll have to decide pretty soon."

"You think you'll stay here?"

She thought again.

"Maybe," she said, "The people in this town have been really great and that's what I needed so much especially in the beginning but I like it here."

He nodded.

"Then we'll stay here…"

She raised a brow at him.

"I mean it C.J.," he said, "If this is where you feel comfortable and want to be, then that's best for you and our baby…and for me because what I really want is for us to be a family together."

"Houston, I would never deny you that…"

"I know," he said, "It's just my way of telling you that whatever you decide, I'm okay with as long as we're together."

C.J. couldn't imagine being anywhere without him. Not that she ever could since she had known them but their relationship had definitely changed. And she wouldn't have it any other way, but marriage…that still made her hesitate. Because part of her, a smaller part, still felt apprehensive when she thought about them building a life together since she had seen how easily it could be snatched away. But she felt her reluctance thawing.

"I'll go back to L.A.," she said, "Because your life is there, your agency and your family."

"That's true," he said, "but you're my family too and I can move my agency wherever I go."

She smiled.

"What kind of caseload would you have up in this corner of Alaska?"

He smiled back and as always, it warmed her heart down to her toes.

"You never know," he said, "Business could be booming here."

She chuckled at that but drew him closer.

"I do love you," she said, "I'm sorry it took so long to figure out."

He shrugged but stroked her face with his fingers.

"Me too," he said, "But I'd say we're making up for lost time very well…"

She hesitated.

"And I want us to be together but this marriage thing…"

---

Suddenly they heard someone knocking at the door. They looked at each other and C.J. thought about ignoring it especially when the sight of him was enough to make her suck in her breath.

"I'd better get that," she said.

"You'd better get a robe," he advised, because she had put on her black sheer peignoir that he had developed a fondness for mostly removing.

"You've got a point," she said, searching around for her robe.

"It's on the chair," he pointed out helpfully.

She put it on as the knocking continued.

"What about you," she said, "I mean if it's one of the local women…"

He wrapped the blanket around his upper body, wearing sweats on the lower. She took one last look at him before opening the door.

"Hi, it's just me," Maggie said, then looking around, "I see I've come at a bad time."

C.J. saw the look on her face and all thoughts about demurring on some conversation faded as she invited her inside.

"I'm sorry to be invading on what's obviously a private moment between the two of you," Maggie said, "It's just that Fleischmann is being such a…"

"Flatworm," C.J. offered.

"Toe fungus," Matt guessed.

Maggie looked between the both of them.

"He's being such a…man."

C.J. looked at her.

"Can I get you some tea," she asked.

Maggie just sat down.

"No I'm fine really," she said, "and I really should go…and you can get back to what you're doing."

C.J. looked at Matt.

"No it's okay, we have a few moments," she said, "What did he do…I mean I think he's a great doctor but I don't know him as a man."

Maggie sighed.

"He's always giving me flak for anything that comes out of my mouth or what I do," she said.

Matt almost said that she did the same thing but kept quiet. Maggie just shook her head.

"I'm sorry…just forget what I said," she said.

"No," C.J. said, "I've dealt with men like that myself…I think he's just not sure how to tell you how he feels."

Matt thought Joel had a lot of growing up to do and needed to quit whining and Maggie needed to go off and find herself a better man so that he and C.J. would pick up where they left off with each other.

"You have?"

C.J. nodded.

"Some guys just aren't really good at expressing their selves around women that intimidate them…"

Maggie narrowed her eyes.

"Are you saying I'm doing something wrong," she asked.

C.J. shook her head.

"No but that sometimes it's hard for us strong, independent thinking women to realize that sometimes we need to dial it down…at least for a little while."

Maggie appeared to consider it. C.J. looked at Matt who looked frustrated.

"Joel does seem like a nice man but he seems a bit insecure…"

Maggie rolled her eyes.

"Tell me about it."

Matt sighed inwardly.

"Maggie, why don't you tell him about it," he suggested, "The only way to work through this is through direct communication. The two of you need to stop playing games with one another or you'll be circling like sharks forever…"

She seemed taken aback at that.

"What do you mean, we're sharks?"

"I mean that when you see someone you want so much your insides ache," he continued, "that you won't be engaging in this silly mating dance that you two got going on…"

C.J. raised a brow.

Mating dance?

But she admired his stronger, more direct approach because hers wasn't working and what she really wanted was to try out a few dance steps with him…alone.

But Maggie looked transfixed at what had appeared so simple to C.J.

"Wow, that's really powerful," she said, "But with him and me…it's more intellectually, more love-hate…"

Matt frowned at that. He never bought into that whole love/hate nonsense. Not even his libido did. But obviously some folks went about this differently than he did. Still, he wanted her out of the cabin in less than a minute so he could focus on more important things than trying to explain the obvious to a woman who except when it came to Joel appeared to be very intelligent.

"Maybe you should just give it a try," he advised.

She nodded slowly.

"Okay…I'm sorry I walked in on what looks like…I'll be leaving now."

She walked to the door and stepped out, closing it behind her. Both C.J. and Matt looked at her breathing a sigh of relief.

"I like her but I didn't think she would ever leave," she said.

Matt swept her up in his arms.

"Excuse me Miss, but I think we're needed elsewhere," he said, as he walked to the bedroom.

She chuckled, wrapping her arms around him.

"I think so too."

Chapter 36

C.J. just looked at Matt as he got dressed, admiring his physique as she usually did. The man did keep himself in perfect physical condition which had of course been necessary for his line of work, first when working on a ranch and then as a private investigator. But besides helping to protect him from danger, it had other benefits as well.

He turned to face her after buttoning his pants and caught her.

"What are you looking at," he asked.

She feigned innocence.

"Looking at," she said, "why, the view of course."

"It must be contagious," he said, with a smile, "are you getting dressed?"

She nodded.

"As soon as I can figure whether or not I need to…adjust my wardrobe again."

He walked over to her and sat next to her on the bed and before she knew it, he had her in his arms and kissed her softly on the mouth, the way he had of hinting at so much.

"You look absolutely breathtaking," he said, "I think this is just a small gathering."

She reached for her robe.

"It's just for Shelli's surprise for Hollings," she said, "She does this every once in a while."

"They seem to be able to make it work out between them," Matt said, "despite their differences."

"It's called love Houston," C.J. said, smiling, "but they aren't married…even with a baby on the way."

Matt sighed. He knew that was the case but what worked for Hollings and Shelli might be different than what was best for C.J. and him. No, not what was best, but what he wanted in his life. He really wanted to marry her and he believed that she finally could see that it was out of something far removed from obligation.

He didn't want to push the issue again at least not right now, even as the ring began to wear a hole where he had kept it for safe keeping, awaiting just the right moment. She left him to take a shower before even attempting to search through her clothes for something that would fit.

"I'm glad you could come," Shelli told Matt and C.J. as she had told everyone who had come into the Brick to attend her surprise party for Hollings. When he had found out about it, he had indeed been surprised but he instead took over the bar and began serving drinks to his friend. Matt had ordered a brandy and C.J., a sparkling glass of fermented grape juice. Eve had looked over the drink critically before giving her approval though she stuck to Dave's special concoction of carrot and lemon grass shots.

"How's the baby doing," Shelli asked her.

Eve furrowed her brow.

"Her father's looking after her and I've left him a specific list of instructions including what she can and cannot eat. What music to play for her while she's eating and the proper amount of ambient lighting…"

Shelli just shook her head.

"Wow, you have got this whole parenting thing figured out."

Eve shrugged.

"There's plenty of good books which offer valuable advice," she said, "I could give you the mandatory reading list."

Shelli held her abdomen.

"You'd better hurry," she said, "I feel like I'm going to pop at any moment."

Eve eyed her pregnancy.

"Has the baby dropped yet," she asked.

"Huh?"

Eve just shook her head and moved to the refreshment table. Matt had gone there to get some plates for himself and C.J. who had sat down with Ruth Ann and Marilyn. Joel sidled up behind him.

"So how are things going," Joel asked.

Matt scooped up some roasted potatoes.

"Everything's going just fine," he said, "C.J. has been getting plenty of relaxation."

Joel nodded.

"Great, that's really good," he said, "She'll need it going into the final trimester in several months."

"What happens then," Matt asked.

Joel paused.

"She'll be somewhat larger," he said, "which will make it difficult to sleep comfortably and then there's something called the nesting instinct…"

"The what?"

"That's where the mother to be experiences a surge of energy focused on preparing the home for the baby's arrival."

"That makes sense."

"Something to keep in mind if she decides to redo the nursery about five or six times," Joel said.

"Okay…I'll remember that."

Joel smiled.

"You've got a lot to look forward to," he said, "It's every man's dream to propagate."

"You sound like Maurice…"

"What I mean is that since I've been a little boy, I've had it drilled into me by my parents, my grand parents that it's important to carry on the family name and its traditions through the next generation."

"My daddy used to say the same thing," Matt said, "He even always hinted at me that C.J. was his choice. I just never listened at least not while he was still alive."

"He died when you were young?"

Matt shook his head.

"He died a couple of years ago of a heart attack," he said, "We'd been a bit estranged but we worked it all out before he passed. I just wish that he could have lived to see his grandchild."

"You have other relatives?"

"An uncle and a cousin," he said, "They both moved to California."

"What about C.J.?"

"Her family's deceased as far as she knows."

Joel's brows rose.

"Meaning?"

"Her parents died when she was young," Matt explained, "She doesn't know much about either of their families."

Joel nodded and right then, Maggie breezed by the refreshment behavior giving them both a terse greeting.

"Leave some for the rest of us Fleischmann," she said, dipping into the coleslaw.

"There's plenty O'Connell, even for your unworldly appetite."

She threw him a glare and walked away. Matt just looked at Joel.

"Okay what's wrong," Joel said, "She was rude to me."

Matt just shook his head.

"She really likes you," he said.

Joel snorted.

"She's got a very funny way of showing it."

"Maggie's a great woman," Matt said, "and if you're not careful, some man will come along and realize it and she'll be gone."

Joel looked exasperated.

"If so, he won't live very long."

Matt sighed.

"How long are you going to hold that over her head," he said, "Those were probably all unfortunate accidents."

"A man getting hit by a satellite," Joel said, "What are the odds of that?"

Matt didn't' know the answer but he did know that often enough, life threw out plenty of hardballs at people and Maggie had gotten more than her share.

"Sometimes bad things like that just happen."

Joel looked incredulous now.

"Six times," he said, "I have no intention of becoming number seven…even if I were interested."

"Then she'll be sure to find someone who will take that chance," Matt said, "and I'll bet he'll buck the trend."

Joel scooped some more potatoes on his plate.

"Then I wish him the best of luck," he said, walking off.

C.J. had been sitting with Ruth Ann and the other women listening to stories about the Cicely traditions that the town folk engaged in including the ones that sounded somewhat…strange. Like the first rite of spring's thaw when the town's men stripped down to nothing and went running down its streets.

"No man's complained yet," Ruth Ann said, "even Joel got into it after some coaxing."

"And some threats," Marilyn chimed in.

"Maybe Matt will stay long enough to participate this year," Shelli said, "It's coming up in a couple of weeks."

C.J. just smiled, imagining what a sight that would be but she didn't know if he'd do it.

"I'll run it past him," was all she said.

Matt came up to the table with their plates of food and handled her one piled high with everything on the menu. Her eyes grew big.

"I don't know if I can eat all this," she said, "but the sardines make a nice touch."

He sat down with them.

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything."

She shook her head.

"Oh no, we were just going over some of the traditions that the people here do to welcome each of the four seasons…"

"Like what?"

She just smiled.

"Just a couple of them."

He furrowed his brows.

"I heard a rumor that one of them involves running around town in the freezing cold with no clothes."

C.J. looked at Shelli and both laughed.

"That's no rumor," Shelli said.

C.J. smiled.

"Houston I already volunteered your participation."

He began feeling a bit hot under the collar.

"C.J. I'm going to have to talk to you about that later," he said, looking around him, "while we're alone."

"I look forward to it Houston."

"Not that I'm shy or anything…"

C.J. folded her arms.

"Houston you have a great body," she said, "How do you think I got in this condition?"

She felt delighted by the faint hint of color in his cheeks.

"That was… different."

"Yes it was," she agreed, "but this might be a lot of fun."

He looked doubtful.

"Freezing out in the cold without a stitch of clothing," he said, "Who's going to be having any fun?"

The women all looked at him and he got the point quickly.

"Oh yes of course," he said.

Ruth Ann gave him a sympathetic look.

"It's our release after spending most of the winter indoors and wrapped up from head to toe in thick clothing."

"But there's plenty that you could do indoors," he pointed out.

"True," she said, "but for some of us in the meantime…"

He felt his face flush even more.

"I get your point," he said, "but I'm not sure it's the right thing for me to do. After all, I don't live here."

Shelli shrugged.

"It doesn't matter," she said, "Joel had only been here a couple of months before he got down and did it."

The other women nodded.

"And his body…well it wasn't that bad," Shelli said, "And Matt's…he should get a better response."

Matt blinked.

"This is a competition?"

Ruth Ann chuckled.

"No, but there will be an audience of women," she said, "You see, it's the reverse of most situations where the women put themselves on display for the men."

He nodded.

"I see…I think," he said, "Well I'll certainly give it some serious thought."

C.J. looked over at him and almost laughed but stopped herself. She couldn't really believe Matt felt self-conscious about his physique. Not with a body like his, which she had after all, enjoyed immensely.

"I'll try my best to get him to see reason," she said to the others with a wink.

Chris walked into the Brick and all the women's eyes turned towards him as they always did, the man had a charisma with women that defied definition or reason. She had heard rumors that there had been studies conducted on the DJ and poet but that nothing definitive to explain this attraction had been uncovered, let alone explained. She knew him to be very sweet and considerate of women, giving them his undivided attention and with those qualities, no special pheromone or secret formula was needed.

He walked over to the table and said hi to everyone. The women responded and so did C.J. After all, pregnant or not, she still was all woman. But it was just an attraction with no real feeling or history behind it and she knew where her heart lived.

"I just got off the phone and I'll be doing a poetry reading in Rosalind next week," he said, "They have a woman's book club there and they've been some of my most devout fans."

All the women congratulated Chris, their praise overlapping.

"That's great Chris," C.J. said.

He turned his attention to her and nodded.

"You're looking awfully fine today Ms Parsons," he said, "You're more beautiful each time I see you."

"Rounder too."

Chris didn't appear phased at all.

"There's no other period in a woman's life when she's more stunning than when she's nurturing new life," he said, "In fact, that's going to be the theme of my next book."

Shelli looked enthusiastic.

"Awesome."

Other women slumped.

"You mean you won't include any more…sex in your work."

Chris pondered that and then smiled.

"Sensuality doesn't end with pregnancy," he said, "There's plenty of room for both."

C.J. couldn't argue with that. After all, that part of her had hardly waned even as her pregnancy progressed. Especially feeling more energetic than she had during the first couple of months, and keeping herself very busy with Matt.

"I think that would be great Chris," she said.

"You have been one of my muses," he said, "and you have inspired this continuation of my work."

She felt touched.

"Thank you Chris."

Matt didn't know what to think. Was the poet being genuinely complementary or did he still have designs on C.J.? He felt possessiveness that he didn't know he had within him come to him just at the thought.

"Houston, are you okay?"

He looked up to see C.J. looking at him, concerned.

"I'm fine," he said.

"Isn't it great that Chris has a booking in Rosalind?"

"Yeah great," Matt said.

Maggie breezed on by again.

"What's up Mags?"

Maggie looked at Shelli.

"Joel is being such a…", she started before looking at Matt.

"What," Shelli said, "Don't leave us hanging."

But instead Maggie forced a smile on her face.

"He's just being Joel," she said, "Excuse me, I need to get some fresh air."

As she walked off, the other women looked amazed.

"What's gotten into her," Shelli asked.

"I don't know," Ruth Ann said, "Maybe she's coming to terms with this love-hate thing with Joel."

Matt didn't know what had gotten into Maggie except maybe she had given his advice some thought but then what did he know? After all, Chris walked into the room and mesmerized every female in his path.

Did that include C.J., Matt asked himself as he sipped his drink.

Chapter 37

Matt just watched Chris work his magic on every woman in the Brick including C.J. He had them mesmerized before he'd even opened his mouth.

"Like I said, a couple of scientists offered to study him," Joel said, "to figure out why he's so appealing to the fairer sex."

Ruth Ann wandered by and chuckled.

"If they could just bottle it up and sell it," she said, "I'd carry it in my store for my most loyal customers."

Joel made a face.

"Ruth Ann, that's hardly a progressive way to think in the 21st century."

She shrugged.

"It's good enough for men; it's definitely good for women," she said, "Equal rights and all."

Joel scowled.

"I was raised believing that you know," he said, "My grandmother marched for equal rights"

She patted his hand.

"That's all well and good Joel," she said, "that the apple didn't fall far from the tree."

Maggie joined them and rolled her eyes at the thought.

"His grandmother could have been Susan B. Anthony and it wouldn't have mattered…"

He looked at her perplexed.

"Susan B. who?"

She shook her head.

"My point exactly," she said, "Thanks for making it easy Fleischmann."

Matt and C.J. just watched them go at it again. He hadn't been all that worried about Chris and the attention he paid to C.J. because Chris was just being nice and Matt knew C.J. loved him. Even though she wouldn't agree to marry him.

Chris brought a glass of brew back with him to the table.

"Hollings and Dave made this fresh," he said, "It's apple cider with a little bit of kick."

"You mean alcoholic," Joel interjected.

Chris looked at him thoughtfully.

"Why yes of course," he said, "Is that a problem?"

Joel shook his head.

"Ask Maggie."

She shot him a look back.

"So I played a well known member of the temperance movement in one of your dreams once," she scoffed, "It doesn't mean anything."

"I know that," he said, "This has nothing to do with that."

"Oh in your dreams Fleischmann," she said, "You're such…an amoeba."

His brows rose as did those of others in the room.

"Hey O'Connell, you came up with a new insult," he said, "You're making progress here."

She just shook her head at him and left the table. Joel simply shook his head again.

"She needs to get past her issues," Joel muttered.

Maggie wasn't the only one, Matt thought.

C.J. helped Shelli pass out the cider as her friend looked like she was about to burst. Shelli had told her that she only had several weeks to go before she would have her baby.

"That's not long," C.J. said, "Are you ready?"

Shelli blew a tendril of hair out of her face and nodded.

"I've been ready," she said, "and I think Hollings is finally too."

"He's really had to adjust to all this?"

Shelli picked up a spare glass.

"It wasn't easy," she said, "I mean he's probably going to live to be twice as old as he is now but this is his first child. He finally gets to be a father."

"He looks like he's handling it well."

Shelli shrugged.

"Now, but in the beginning…"

C.J. thought at least she hadn't had that problem with Matt…once he found out. She knew he had waited his whole life to be a father even if he hadn't known that he would share that experience with her.

"Hollings quit drinking."

"Really," C.J. said, "because of the baby?"

"Well partly," Shelli said, "and also because he's getting ready for the annual running of the bulls."

C.J. nodded.

"Ah, the one where all the men run naked in the freezing cold."

Shelli sighed.

"They get shots of brandy before they even take their clothes off," she said, "and no one's died yet."

"Sounds interesting."

Shelli looked at C.J. brightly.

"So do you think Matt will be interested?"

C.J. thought about it. Matt certainly wasn't ashamed of his body which he kept in very fine form. And it's not like she and the other employees of his company hadn't walked into the penthouse and seen him naked as a jaybird except for his cowboy hat. Not that you could really see much beneath the bubbling water but the very idea…

"He might be," she said, "He's not decided yet."

Shelli smiled as she handed out some more cider.

"He should, it's lots of fun…"

"Do the men really enjoy it," C.J. asked.

"Of course they do," Shelli said, "At least most of them. I'm not so sure about others…"

C.J. looked at where Matt sat with Joel and the others.

"What about Joel?"

Shelli made a face which she quickly covered with a smile.

"Oh him," she said, "Well he whined about it at first until we all got sick of listening to him but when push came to shove, and Maurice really can shove, he took off his clothes and ran with the rest of them."

"He doesn't look like he enjoys much," C.J. noted as Shelli poured them both nonalcoholic cider.

Shelli thought about it.

"He enjoys his work," she said, "He enjoys being a doctor…just not here."

"He's a good doctor and he's nice when he wants to be."

Shelli nodded.

"I think under it all, he's a way cool guy, just itching to come out," she said, "Maybe this year's spring running of the bulls will do it for him."

C.J. sipped her cider.

"So the women just watch then."

Shelli put her glass down and nibbled on some pretzels.

"Well yeah of course," she said, "It's really a lot of fun."

C.J. smiled at her thinking that it sounded like it. She wondered what Matt thought.

---

"So Matt, you're in shape for the running of the bulls," Joel asked.

Matt looked up at him.

"I'm in shape for anything," he said, "but I'm not one for running around in the cold and getting frostbite if I can help it."

"You won't get frostbite," Joel explained, "The blood circulates from the exercise and time passes very quickly."

Matt didn't doubt that, he just wasn't sure he wanted the entire town to see him naked. Sure, he wasn't ashamed of his body and he did like to spend time soaking in his Jacuzzi in the buff back in the penthouse suite in L.A. And he had never been shy with the ladies, particularly one…

"Of course he's going to do it," Maurice walked up slapping him on the back, "He's not going to let his lady friend down."

Matt looked at him.

"Do you run," he asked.

Maurice smiled widely.

"Of course I do," he said, I have to set an example for the town as one of its founding business partners."

"Oh don't get started Maurice," Ruth Ann said, rolling her eyes.

"Ruth Ann, this is a proud tradition among Cicely's bulls," Maurice said, "It will be passed on to future generations."

Ruth Ann just chuckled.

"Oh Maurice you do go on," she said, "but maybe you should think about sitting this one out."

He frowned.

"What do you mean," he asked.

"Because of your tendency to grandstand the event."

Maurice looked shocked.

"I have never done such a thing," he said, "and I will not sit this one out."

He turned over to Chris.

"You aren't thinking about passing up this year."

Chris shook his head.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world Maurice," he said.

Maggie and Ruth Ann both breathed a sigh of relief because truth be told, Chris usually proved to be one of the event's highlights not that they would ever objectify him or anything.

"Okay Chris," Maurice said simply.

The women looked over and smiled as Shelli and C.J. came over to join them.

"So what's up," Shelli asked.

Maurice sighed.

"We're discussing the running of the bulls."

Shelli brightened.

"So were we," she said, "So are you all up for it?"

They nodded enthusiastically and C.J. turned to Matt, lifting a brow.

"Oh count me in," he said.

And then Maurice ordered another round for all of them as they toasted the time worthy tradition of Cicely's version of the running of the bulls.

Chapter 38

C.J. watched as Matt left the bed and headed to the shower. She had woken up early that morning realizing that Ed had needed to talk to her about the music composition that Chris would be providing to serve as part of the soundtrack for the film. She would stop by Chris' radio station and then meet Ed at the Brick. Maurice had mercifully backed off of pressuring them over the content of the film but wouldn't budge on his assistance of having some say in the final cut. C.J. figured that she and Ed would cross that bridge when they came to it.

But in the meantime, Matt had just left the shower and toweled himself off before getting dressed. She loved watching him of course. Always had, as she had surreptitiously done just that on different occasions when he had been getting dressed in the penthouse suite while holding a conversation with her usually about a business decision involving the company or a case they were investigating through his firm. Oh how cruel could he be keeping their discussions purely on business topics while he got dressed while her back had been turned. Not knowing that her mind had been working a mile a minute on its own volition imagining what he looked like…she kept her peeking minimal as she did respect his privacy.

"You do look fine," she said now miles away from that suite.

He buttoned up his shirt.

"Why thank you," he said, "Though that's the pot calling the kettle black."

She chuckled.

"Not quite," she said, "Your looks don't change from one day to the next."

She felt self conscious about her changing body, which each day seemed to grow just a little bit..wider. Not that she didn't enjoy what came up top but it was getting harder and harder for her to fit even in her borrowed wardrobe. Unless she resorted to the…maternity outfits which just looked too cutesy for her. Why did maternity wear make pregnant women look like cute little dress up dolls when it's pretty clear that you had to get a little down and dirty just to get in this condition. She sighed as she wondered if she could still squeeze in the jeans she wore yesterday and delay resorting to the matronly looking outfit with the bow one more day. The ones that were about three sizes larger than she had ever seen.

"You look gorgeous this morning," he said, clearly reading her mind.

She blinked, how did he do that?

"I feel…different."

He walked over and kissed her for a long moment. She felt herself relax as he stroked her face afterward, looking at her.

"You look even prettier than you did yesterday," he said, "That's why."

She smiled despite herself.

"You always look so great looking…and incredibly sexy."

He smiled back and sat down to put on his boots.

"It looks like the sun is coming out today," he said, "Maybe a warming trend?"

His face looked hopeful and his voice sounded even more so. She knew that he felt no small amount of trepidation at the thought of the running of the bulls, Cicely style.

"You still worried about the run?"

"Just about freezing out there," Matt said, "I mean frostbite doesn't usually kill you but I'd hate to lose any of my parts."

"Well, we can always warm them up before and afterward," she said, pulling him closer to her.

"That will work," he said, thoughtfully, "Reminds me of those polar swims that we used to hold every winter."

"Houston, that's in Malibu," she said, "It's never that cold in Southern California."

"This is going to be really cold," he said, "I don't know if the brandy before hand's going to be much help."

She kissed him again, and he wrapped his arms around her.

"Now this is even better…"

---

C.J. had dropped Matt off at Ruth Ann's to pick up his morning faxes and she had headed off to Chris to pick up the music for Ed's soundtrack. Chris sat in his office, his hair wrapped by a bandana and sipping chi tea. He offered her some hot water with lemon and she eagerly accepted it as she studied the décor in his office including many photos of different residents in Cicely including many she recognized from her work spent on Ed's film. She also saw photos of Chris' brother Bernard when he had journeyed to Africa.

"Bernard went all over the continent," Chris said, pointing to different photos, "There's him on Kilimanjaro with his guide and…in South Africa…the pyramids of Egypt…he saw it all."

C.J. had traveled to several countries in Africa on business trips for Houston Enterprises and had made friends there. She had always wanted to go back but life had thrown her some curves curbing her wanderlust for a while.

"Here it is," Chris said, handing her a CD.

"Thanks," she said, tucking it in her purse, "You have a really nice setup here."

Chris nodded.

"I owe Maurice a lot for providing me with this opportunity," he said, "People give him a hard time but he's got a good heart."

"I wish he would have more faith in Ed and his artistic vision," she said.

Chris paused.

"I think he does," he said, "He's just testing his resolve in his work. Maurice likes to do that."

Oh C.J. had figured that out shortly after she arrived in Cicely and had been looking for a job to keep her mind off of her tragic losses.

"How are things with you and Matt?"

She looked up at him, and then sipped her water.

"Everything's fine," she said, "He's a bit nervous about the running of the bulls."

Chris smiled.

"He shouldn't be," he said, "It's a lot of fun and there's festivities afterward…after we all warm up again."

"That sounds great," C.J. said, "I was asked to help out with the food."

"The women don't do the run but they are in charge of the celebration."

C.J. looked at the DJ thoughtfully.

"Do you have anyone to come home to ever," she asked.

He looked at her startled and she wished she could withdraw her question but he smiled at her that it had been okay to ask.

"I have had relationships if that's what you're asking," Chris said, "but right now, I'm more content to focus on the development of my more spiritual side."

"Really…"

He nodded.

"I've been doing a lot of reading…"

She understood that but thought it would be a shame considering how easy he was on the eyes if he kept more time with his book collection then with a woman.

"That's why this running of the bulls is so important to our town," he said, "it helps us get back in touch with nature after a harsh winter. It's a way of welcoming spring."

Okay, C.J. could see how they might view it that way. But did the men like Chris really believe that's how the women viewed the sight of the male town folk whose bodies had been buried in warm clothing all winter baring it all while running in the streets. She would have to run through that with the other women in her Scrabble tournament club but somehow she thought it was the appeal of the eye candy rather than any spiritual reconnection with the town's roots that brought them out to view the event in droves. No, she didn't buy Chris' explanation at all but it sounded nice.

---

Matt paid his tab for the faxes and Ruth Ann ran his card through the machine.

"You looking forward to the run?"

He looked at her, thinking this annual event certainly had entered into the minds of many of the town's residents lately.

"It's on the calendar," he said, "Though my corporate president is eager for me to get back to L.A."

She smiled.

"Why don't you invite him here and he can relieve some of that stress?"

Murray strip off his three-piece suit and run naked in the streets with the others in the bitter cold? The idea had some appeal only because Matt enjoyed seeing Murray loosen up but the only thing that seemed to do that was the odd times that the accountant imbibed from Matt's liquor cabinet. But if Matt didn't lighten up and learn how to have fun, get a hobby then he probably wouldn't make it to 40 without a heart attack.

"Maybe I'll do that," he said, as she handed his card back to him.

"You'll do just fine..," Ruth Ann said, "We'll be cheering you on and welcoming you back when you're finished."

Matt looked a bit uncertain.

"Okay…"

"Not that any of us have any trouble in realizing what she saw in you," Ruth Ann said, "You are a fine looking young man."

Matt narrowed his brows. Was the storekeeper coming onto him? She noticed his expression and patted his hand in a maternal way.

"Don't worry," she said, "Everyone knows who holds your heart."

He smiled then.

"See you later Ruth Ann."

He left the store and headed on over to the Brick to get a bite to eat and to go over his faxes. When Hollings saw him enter the establishment, he waved him on over and handed him a beer.

"Haven't you heard the news?"

Matt looked at him confused.

"You've been elected the bull leader…"

"The what," Matt asked, holding his beer mug.

"You'll be leading the running of the bulls…"

Matt sat down in the nearest chair, digesting the news. He glanced over at where C.J. sat with Shelli, Maggie, Marilyn and others. She gave him a wink and his face flushed.

What had he gotten himself into?

Chapter 39

Matt lay in bed that night, mulling over his selection to lead the annual running of the bulls in Cicely. He had agreed to participate with the other men in the annual ritual but that was before he had been chosen to lead the pack. Meaning that he had to run up in front where he would be the first man seen by the audience of mostly women.

C.J. nestled closer to him and stroked his chest.

"Houston, you still can't be worried about the selection," she said, "You know it's an honor to be chosen."

He sighed.

"Maybe but Maurice just sent out a press release all over the country and if the L.A. gossip columnists get wind of this…"

She chuckled.

"They'll for sure put it on their social calendars," she said, "It will be great for the town and Ed's film."

After selecting him as the head bull so to speak, Maurice had announced to the town that after the festival honoring those who participated in the run, the premiere of Ed's film would be shown at the movie theater. Ed had of course been excited, though in his usual low key way and C.J. had felt so happy for him.

Too happy to notice Matt's apprehension about the press release at least until they both got home and ate some dinner and spent some time cuddling together. C.J. had been reminded once again at how Matt really had very little modesty at all when it came to getting in the altogether. After all, People Magazine had caught a great shot of him once sitting in his hot tub wearing only his hat amid the bubbling water. That issue had sold out in two days. So she really didn't know what his problem appeared to be now.

She leaned up on her elbow and arched a brow.

"You know you have nothing to be embarrassed about," she said, "You're a very sexy man in so many ways."

"But the cold…"

She snorted at him.

"Oh Houston that's a myth," she said, "You'll be just fine and like I said, there will be plenty of brandy and warm food afterward."

He knew that and she had promised to keep him good and warmed up before the event. As part of his athletic preparation she had told him.

"I know but what if it's like 20 below?"

"Of course it's going to be cold Houston," she reasoned, "We're in Alaska after all but no one's died yet in all the years they've done it."

"Maybe they have and just were never missed…"

She rolled her eyes.

"Houston, Joel's doing it again," she said, "And he's not even complaining."

That got Matt fired up to thinking about it. After all, Joel appeared to be a bundle of inhibitions and since Chris had already said he was looking forward to it…

"Houston, I mean look at me," she said, "Do I look bikini ready right now?"

He stroked her rounding abdomen and smiled.

"You look perfect," he said, "I can show you how perfect in a minute…"

She pushed at him playfully.

"I'm sure you can but I'm not what society or most men would call centerfold material."

Matt's eyes narrowed.

"They'd better not look at you that way," he said.

She stroked his chest.

"You know what I mean," she said, "and it doesn't really matter anyway. It's how we feel about ourselves that counts."

He digested that.

"It's not that," he said, "I'm just more of a hot weather person. Running around in the cold…"

"Just imagine that you're running around naked in the desert," she advised.

He gave her a look.

"When I have my clothes off, I don't feel like running anywhere," he drawled.

He drew her closer to him and kissed her slowly.

"I see your point," she added, coming up for air.

---

"All right, this meeting is coming to order."

Everyone looked up at Ruth Ann who was proletarian of the group of women who were assigned to do detail for the running event.

"I already offered to donate the refreshments," Shelli offered, "But only if Maggie gives me her cookie recipe."

Maggie scowled from the back.

"I'll think about it," she said, "My mother would probably come back and visit and then burn another one of my houses down."

Ruth Ann nodded at the both of them, holding her gavel still.

"Okay what about you Eve?"

The redheaded woman looked up from where she had been talking to the toddler sitting on her lap.

"Adam refuses to participate in these events," she said, "It's very unsanitary to run unprotected in the outdoors."

"No more than wandering around in the forest all the time," Maggie grumbled.

"That's fine Eve," Ruth Ann continued, "He can help out the women folk with the refreshments."

Eve made a face.

"He'll think that's an affront to his masculinity, but I'll try to put him back in his place."

All the other women nodded approvingly. C.J. half focused on the meeting and found herself thinking about the conversation she had with Matt last night before well…they stopped talking for a while. She knew that he had ridded himself of most of his concern about the event. The irony of men feeling concerned about having their bodies on display when usually the women filled that role wasn't lost on her. And he in his own way helped her deal with some of her burgeoning insecurities about the changes involving her own body since she'd gotten pregnant.

Every day she looked in the mirror and she had changed. Her clothes fit differently or not really well at all and even her balance had shifted a bit. But he always made it clear whenever he could how attractive he found her, despite all the changes. She needed to do the same for him and truth be told, she couldn't wait until the day of the running and festivities.

"C.J. you will be handing the brandy…"

She looked up suddenly, lost.

"Well, yes I could do that," she said, "I'll be more than happy to help."

Ruth Ann checked that item off of the list.

"Well let's move on to the course outline…"

---

Matt sat in the Brick with Hollings and Maurice, who were arguing about something one of them had said to the other some 20 years earlier. Sometimes it was difficult to remember that the two old pioneers were lifelong friends and if the rivalry in the past had been fierce, at least now it appeared friendlier.

"Barbara's coming up the day before," Maurice said.

"She's making sure she has a front row seat," Hollings asked.

Maurice nodded, sipping his Scotch.

"She understands how important it is for the town's morale after a long, dark winter."

Hollings poured himself more Scotch in his glass. He gestured towards Matt who shook his head.

"You know Matt it might sound strange," he said, "But this gives us a chance to allow our skin to breathe after being covered up all winter with the clothing that's necessary to keep us alive."

Matt nodded.

"I understand that," he said, "And it's not that strange. It's just that we usually take a cold dip in an icy lake not go running in the streets."

Maurice tilted his head.

"We used to do that, a group of NASA flyboys and myself," he said, "It truly separated the men from the boys."

Matt thought it had been done to improve brandy sales at a bar near the spot in Malibu where it had been done. But that had been back in his younger days.

Maurice brightened.

"You know I've gotten so much in the way of enthusiastic responses from the media I emailed releases to," he said, "A lot of them appear interested in our Texan transplant right here."

Matt's eyes widened.

"Come again," he said, "Surely they have better news to focus on reporting."

"Apparently not," Hollings said, "My phone's been ringing off the hook from the major magazines and networks asking for temporary lodging."

Maurice smiled broadly and looked over at Matt.

"This could be the most media exposure we've ever had," he said, spreading his hands apart, "I can see it now, bill boards advertising the annual event in Cicely…with you front and center."

"I don't even live here."

Maurice shook his head.

"It doesn't matter," he said, "It's you they clearly want to see and that's great to boost tourism in our own town."

Matt didn't seem so sure that he liked where Maurice was going. The last thing he wanted was the media and paparazzi coming up to photograph him running naked in the streets. Contrary to what many people thought, he didn't savor being the center of attention in the gossip magazines and society columns which featured his exploits. He had left that part of his life behind him. After all, he was about to become a father and once C.J. let down her guard, he was going to make her an honest woman.

As Maurice and Hollings kept talking excitedly building up this event to epic proportions, Matt sat wondering how he was going to handle the pressure of renewed stardom.

Chapter 40

The magical finally arrived when the men would parade naked in the streets of Cicely and the women would bundle up and hold forth on the sidewalks cheering them on. This annual ritual had been a cherished part of the fabric of life in the remote Alaskan town ever since two of its pioneers, Hollings and Maurice had decided to settle themselves on down from their exciting lives of adventure and create a bustling town.

No one actually remembered the first time the running of the bulls had taken place but everyone accepted that it was one of the traditions which bound the town of several thousand together and provided a welcome respite to its residents after months of darkness and bouts of cabin fever.

Matt awoke from a rather disturbing dream where he had imagined himself out there running the streets and he realized he hadn't a stitch of clothing on. He nearly panicked until he realized that considering his surroundings, he had been properly attired. C.J. had still been asleep, her arm wrapped around her abdomen and he had stroked her hair. She stirred and opened her eyes looking up at him.

"Well today's the day…"

"You mean the running of the bulls," he finished.

She winked at him.

"That and maybe other things."

He waited for her to shed some light on that statement but she just smiled at him and snuggled closer to him.

"Are you really okay with this," she asked, "being naked in public."

He stroked her arm with a finger.

"Well it's not nearly as fun as being naked in private," he said, kissing her bare shoulder, "but I think I can survive it if I don't freeze to death."

She looked up at him.

"I'll make sure you do survive since me and our child have a vested interest," she said, "I think this will be a lot of fun."

He chuckled.

"You'll be standing on the sidelines bundled up against the cold and I'll be out there in the elements trying not to get frostbit."

"We'll be cheering you on," she said, "and if you keep moving, you won't freeze. Then it will be done and you'll get plenty of warm food and drink."

"I'd rather be celebrating in private," he said.

She smiled.

"Oh that will come soon enough cowboy," she said, "Just you wait…"

Oh, he could definitely be assured of doing just that as he drew her closer for a kiss.

---

The women lined up on the sidewalks in front of the Brick and Chris' radio station. The deejay had equipped himself with a mike somewhere on his body and would be providing live coverage of the run. It would probably be too cold to actually interview the participants during the run but he would give it his best effort. Being an effort of many such runs, Chris had no concerns about the event. He had to give a pep talk to Joel who having survived it once, still needed to be reassured that he wouldn't drop dead in the middle of it, naked as a jaybird.

"Now Joel, you'll be drinking brandy beforehand…"

Joel interrupted as he pulled off his shirt.

"The American Medical Association has established that drinking alcohol even brandy beforehand actually makes you feel colder…"

Chris frowned.

"Really," he said, "I shouldn't have let my subscription to their monthly journals lapse."

"I don't know if I'm going to survive this," Joel said, "I mean I've been in training for weeks to do the actual run but the rehearsal is nothing like the show itself."

"Relax Joel," Chris said, "If you stress out, it just makes it harder.

---

Matt watched them as he took off his own clothes. He had been an athlete in college and served in the military so disrobing in front of other people, well he had long grown used to it. He doubted that Joel had the same experience. His concern was that he had to lead the damn parade of naked men running in the streets. He had actually practiced running with clothes piled on just so he would be mindful of every patch of ice, every crack in the street so that he wouldn't stumble and cause a pileup of runners. He had noticed the wall of paparazzi that had appeared in preparation of the event. Maurice and Hollings while downing some brandy at the bar had noticed the sheer number of them.

"I never saw anything like that crowd," Maurice said, stars in his eyes.

Hollings drank another shot.

"You'd think this was the Olympics or something."

Maurice froze, his eyes widening.

"Hollings, you have just given me an idea," he said, spreading his hands apart, "I can see it now. This could be an annual event with prize money, endorsements, invitations to some of the best athletes."

"Do you really think they'd be interested in competing in the altogether in the freezing cold," Hollings said, "Besides, this isn't a competition, it's a bonding ritual to help bring this town back together after the long cold winters."

Maurice sighed.

"Hollings, you have to have vision to move forward in this changing world," he said, "We can't stick to what's worked in the past or Cicely will never grow into a cosmopolitan center."

"Some of us like it just the way it is and it's always been Maurice."

But his friend, the ex-astronaut turned business entrepreneur just shook his head.

"The world's going to move on despite men like you," he said, walking away.

Hollings just shook his head and poured another shot.

---

C.J. stood with the other women trying to spot Matt and she saw him come outside with the other men. She threw him a smile as he glanced her way looking a mite bit nervous. She suppressed a chuckle and listened as Shelli offered moral support to the runners.

"You all just look hot this morning," she said, "Enough to melt all the ice in Alaska."

Hollings passed by her and made her promise she would have some warm cocoa waiting at the end for him.

"I'll warm up your slippers too honey bun," she promised.

The run started and the men moved as one through the streets with the women cheering them on and throwing out a few good natured whistles. After all, what was good for the goose was good for the gander. Suddenly, C.J. felt someone tapping her shoulder and turned around to see Murray standing there with clothes on. She frowned at the corporate vice president.

"Murray, you're supposed to be out there running."

He looked sheepish.

"I got stuck in traffic…"

Now C.J. knew he had caught a flight in with Maggie who stood next to Ruth Ann and therefore really had no excuse.

"Really Murray, if Houston can do it, so can you."

"I admire the big guy for his convictions that allow him to run naked in front of the world including the paparazzi to see but the impact this could have on our stock numbers….there's just no way of knowing…"

She smiled.

"I know what impact it has on me," she said.

Murray noted her condition.

"Well I can see that," he said, "And when are the two of you going to make it legal. Houston Enterprises can't have its two highest level management employees living in..."

"Sin…Murray," she finished, "It's okay, you can say it out loud. I'm pregnant with his child and we're not married. And whether that changes is our business, not yours, not the company's not the stock holders…"

He didn't look too happy when he nodded.

"I get the picture," he said, "but please do consider it, I know he's asked."

She sighed.

"You helped him with the ring and it's a beautiful selection," she said, "But I have to decide what's best for myself and him or her and I know Houston's part of that but marriage is between two people who are ready for its challenges and to commit to each other."

"He loves you more than he does his company…"

She smiled at that because Murray measured everything by how it involved Houston Enterprises. The guy really needed to get out more often or get a hobby or…run naked in the streets at least once in his life.

"I should hope so," she said, "But it's really up to us to work out not anyone else."

"The paparazzi have been asking questions…"

She shrugged.

"Let them," she said, "It has nothing to do do with us."

---

She looked up and saw the men coming around the bend with Matt leading the pack and my, he did look fine out there, she thought. Still, she could see the headlines on the society columns tomorrow and the slew of phone calls the receptionists would be fielding at the office from interested women.

Matt realized he had hit the home stretch of the run and hadn't even felt tired. Actually, it felt invigorating in a strange way to be out and not even really feel the cold at least not yet. Chris had been moving through the pack doing on the spot interviews and he had answered a few questions which would probably be broadcast all over Alaska by now.

Towards the end, he looked up and saw only C.J. ahead, blocking everything else out. She stood there smiling holding a blanket and he headed straight towards her. She wrapped it around his shoulders and embraced him. And as she held onto him and he felt her swollen abdomen against his body, he thought life didn't get any better than that. He dimly heard the cheers of the women surrounding and even the grumbles of Murray who seemed perplexed at the whole affair but he pushed them all out focusing on the woman he loved. And had loved for so long.

But still one thing was missing.

---

They celebrated with plenty of warm food and drink after the men had gotten dressed and had joined the women in the Brick which had been decorated by the women for the affair. Adam had been at work barking orders in the kitchen and Dave had joined him after the run had ended. After Matt had gotten dressed, he joined C.J. who left the other women to join him at their favorite booth. She handed him some hot cocoa and he sipped it carefully.

"Anything else in here," he asked.

She shook her head and he drank it while she watched him.

"You looked really impressive out there Houston," she said, "You're a natural born leader."

He put the mug down.

"You know it wasn't that bad once we started moving," he said, "The cold faded away and I didn't feel it all, in fact I felt invigorated as if I could take on the world."

C.J. smiled.

"Well if you have all this excess energy, there's other ways to use it later…"

He took her hand in his own.

"How 'bout we sneak away right now?"

She patted his hand.

"Ed's movie's premiering in about an hour," she said, "I'm really looking forward to seeing it."

He pondered that.

"Okay as long as we get ourselves some popcorn, sit in the back and make out," he said, "After all, that's why movies were invented anyway."

Her brow rose.

"Oh really Houston," she said, "And where's your basis for that?"

He winked at her.

"I'll show you later."

She smiled at his promise, looking forward to it.

---

And watching Ed's movie with the rest of Cicely who crowded the theater, C.J. marveled in its beauty and felt honored to have played a part in its creation. Maurice had grumbled a bit about the final cut, the choice of venue, the promotion and everything in between but when he saw the audience's reaction, the movie critics scribbling away madly, he calmed down somewhat. Sure enough, Matt and C.J. sat in the back and they noted that Joel and Maggie while not getting cozy and holding hands, were at least sitting next to each other. Chris naturally was surrounded with women doting on him. Matt wondered if anyone would ever figure out how he attracted so many to him like bees to honey. Because he could really bottle it and sell it.

During the middle of a musical montage in the movie, Matt leaned over to kiss C.J. and she let him, enjoying the chills going down her neck as he focused his attention there.

"Houston…"

"Shhh, do you want everyone to hear…"

She rolled her eyes but only in play. Still, someone had to be in control here.

"Later…"

"What's wrong with now?"

"We're in a theater filled with people…"

"Who are more focused on the film than on a couple of frisky people in the back row…"

She chuckled and pulled him closer.

"I want it to be just the two of us because we have something to celebrate after all…"

"You mean my finishing the run without freezing any of my parts off," he said.

"We'll discuss…your parts later," she said, "I'm talking about something else."

"Like what?"

She paused and then looked at him thoughtfully.

"Our engagement."

His eyes rose and his heart quickened.

"You mean…"

She nodded.

"Yes, I will most definitely marry you Houston."

He wanted to say something out loud. Run up and down the aisles or better yet, carry his fiancée out of the theater and take their celebration elsewhere. But before he could do any of that, she kissed him on the lips warmly and he responded. No one around them noticed, as they were enraptured in the film.

"How long until this film ends anyway?"

She tried to appear indignant.

"Houston, you will stay in your seat until at least the closing credits."

He waggled his eyebrows.

"Then I'm taking you back to the cabin and do this proposal thing the way it's supposed to be done," he said.

"And I'll respond the way that's supposed to be done," she said, holding his hand on her lap.

While they remained in their own world, the rest of Cicely watched Ed's movie.

Chapter 41

C.J. examined the ring which sparkles on her finger and believed it to be quite beautiful especially when the light hit it just right. She lay on the couch in the cabin of Matt's Lear Jet as it flew back to L.A. after taking off from Anchorage. She heard Matt bustling around in the small galley for some fixings to make them a meal while Murray regaled her with stories of what had been happening with Houston Enterprises while both of them had been gone.

They had left Cicely a couple days previously after spending a final week in the rustic town together on what C.J. called one of her favorite places on earth. She told the townsfolk before she left that she planned on visiting them again and they all told her after presenting her and Matt with a very unique plaque and key to the city to not make themselves strangers. Just before they left, Shelli's water had broke during C.J.'s final Scrabble tournament with the town's women and she and Hollings rushed off to find Joel at the Elk's Club and he and Marilyn delivered their new son, Hollings Jr. of course. Both mother and baby had been resting comfortably and getting to know each other and as for the proud father, he was just fine once Marilyn revived him from where he had fainted on the floor.

Hollings woke up where Joel reminded him that he had become a father for the first time at the age of 64.

Matt and C.J. spent some time with them and their new baby which C.J. got to hold in her own arms, imagining it would be like when her own little one arrived. The first of the next generation of Houstons, she thought with a smile. Oh Matt would make damn sure of that as he had been already calling around making plans while she had started the process of shopping around for a new house for their growing family. Somewhere just outside of the bustling city with plenty of room for all their children that would certainly come to run around and play, filling the air with joy and laughter.

C.J. pulled the comforter closer around her while Murray deftly changed subjects on the turn of a dime as he often did.

"I don't know how Maurice is going to do it, but that shopping mall is going to be beautiful," he said, breathlessly, "Just what the town needs, a crown jewel."

C.J. snorted.

"Oh Murray, you know that will never happen," he said, "Maurice likes to run the show, every show but ultimately he'll have to take a back seat to what the town wants."

Murray shook his head.

"You just can't stop the flow of progress and the mother of innovation and all that," he said, "It's like a rushing river that can't be stopped."

C.J. let Murray prattle on half-listening when she heard a small crash coming from the galley.

"Houston, are you okay in there?"

"Fine just fine C.J."

He sounded somewhat less than totally confident.

"Would you like me to come there and help you?"

He laughed.

"C.J. the kind of help I want from you," he said, "isn't appropriate for Murray's ears."

She smiled and looked over at Murray who looked up startled from his monologue.

"What, did someone just say my name?"

C.J. suppressed her own laughter.

"No Murray, everything's just fine," she said, "Houston's busy making us some lunch."

Murray shrugged and continued talking and she heard every third word. Matt finally came out with a tray of what looked like slices of pizza and what looked like champagne. On closer examination, it turned out to be a bottle of sparkling grape soda in deference to her condition.

"Oh Houston, this is lovely…"

He smiled and sat down on the couch beside her.

"I just think we've got some celebrating to do," he said.

She winked at him.

"Haven't we been doing that?"

His face flushed just enough to make her smile and reach out to stroke it.

"Houston, I'm just happy that we're back together and ready to get back to our lives," she said.

Murray had his own reading of the situation which he felt free to share with them.

"There's a stack of paperwork waiting at the office that I couldn't fax, you've got a board meeting and two staff meetings and the helipad needs…"

Matt held up his hand.

"Murray we'll get to that soon enough," he said, and then started pouring the juice into three glasses, "But right now I'd like you to share in our celebration of our engagement day 10.

"Well it's not going to hurt the company's stock now that you two are engaged," Murray said, "In fact, it might even help it."

"Your glass please Murray."

Murray looked at it strangely then his face brightened.

"Oh, a toast of course," he said, "I can do that."

And the three of them toasted the future and what lay ahead for them.

Later on, Matt and C.J. lay on the couch underneath the carpenter, with his arms around her as she snuggled close to him to get that rest that she had promised him she would on the flight back. The delicious food had made her sleepy and she started to drift off. He smiled as he felt her gentle weight against him. They had washed dishes in the galley and of course found other things to do in there to keep themselves busy with Murray none the wiser. After readjusting their clothes, they headed back to the couch hand in hand.

"Miss anything," Matt asked casually.

C.J. bit her lip to keep from laughing.

Murray looked up from his journal, his eyes perplexed behind his glasses.

"Nothing to miss big guy," he said, "We'll be landing soon. We're entering into California airspace."

C.J. looked at Matt and then her expression changed.

"What is it C.J.?"

Her mouth formed a smile and her eyes became filled with wonder.

"I just felt it," she said, placing her hands on her abdomen, "The baby moved…there it happened again."

Matt's eyes looked hopeful.

"May I?"

She just looked at him and nodded. He gently placed her hands where hers had been and she placed her own on top of his. His face changed and the expression so damned priceless that C.J. wished she could store it inside a memory book forever.

"I'll be damned," he whispered in awe, "He's a lively one isn't he?"

She rolled her eyes but in play.

"He could be a she Houston," she said, "and yes, I think I've got a soccer player inside there."

"A football player," Matt corrected, "A star quarterback for Rice University…"

She chuckled and while his hands began generating some heat inside of her again, she kissed him lightly on the mouth, her lips whispering promises without words. In between, he rested his forehead against hers.

"I love you so much C.J."

She smiled and kissed him again.

"Just remember that when we're up all night feeding the little one and neither of us has slept in days," she said.

He smiled broadly.

"I can't wait…"

"It's going to be great to get home at last," she said.

Matt nodded of course, counting the minutes until they reached his beach house and would be alone, just the two…well the three of them. C.J. had snuggled to him almost immediately on the couch where together they soon fell asleep in each others' embrace, where they dreamed of how their complicated lives would intertwine into one strong thread and of the unlimited possibilities still awaiting them.

Murray continued to read his journal smiling to himself as he looked at the couple, thinking it was about damned time they both came to their senses. And a marriage would surely sent the Houston stock climbing.