Work Text:
(Jadzia is first to appear on screen. As a Medium of the Prophets, she is already well aware of what Julian is going to ask. She sets the scene for us, as she looks down on him fondly.)
JADZIA: (musing to herself) Never say never… there he is, Doctor Julian Bashir… I’m glad he still remembers to give his old friends a call when he needs something. How long has it been? (she must glance somewhere to check; her time has not been Linear for about twenty years, now) Really, twenty years already?! Oh, Julian, what is it?
(JULIAN appears - alone now - unsure of his surroundings.)
JULIAN: I’m… I hope I’m doing this right. Vedek Kira told me evenings were the, um, best time to pray. Jadzia? Oh, this feels bizarre. Can you hear me, Jadzia?
(Jadzia reappears)
JADZIA: Loud and clear.
(Despite his best efforts and the passage of time, Julian cannot help but feel nervous around her.)
JULIAN: Very good. I’m… sorry, I’m not sure how these Visions usually proceed for you. I had hoped to--
JADZIA: Well, I’m usually addressed appropriately, as Her Eminence, The Orb of Recollection - and my Bajoran visitors bow.
JULIAN: (right back to the flirting/stammering of his young adulthood) I’m terribly sorry, I had no idea! Kira didn’t exactly tell me about--
JADZIA: (giggling to herself) I’m teasing. There’s no right or wrong to pray, as far as I’m concerned. And I already know what you want to talk to me about.
JULIAN: So no pressure or anything.
JADZIA: If you can’t bring it up to me after all these years, I don’t know how you expect to bring it up to your daughter.
(Julian comforts himself by mirroring her laugh, holding his hand up, thoughtfully.)
JULIAN: Fine, fine. I want to make sure she can learn from my experience… she has her Joining procedure coming up tomorrow. Of course, Ezri doesn’t have the best memories of Joining, herself, so she thought I should talk to you. I can’t say either of her parents have pleasant memories of our childhoods--
(Jadzia drops the humor and becomes solemn.)
JADZIA: That’s a good thing. And it’s a natural response to block out trauma. I don’t remember dying, you know.
JULIAN: Ezri says that too. We just… we wanted a Trill perspective. You’d be a lot more welcoming of her than my parents were of me.
JADZIA: Their loss. Do you remember, right after they were escorted off the station? I didn’t know until you told me, and I was furious. Would it help you to see that conversation again?
JULIAN: You, furious, on my behalf? I don’t see what that has to do with Joining, but… (then, like something has possessed him, he reverts to this moment from their past…)
(… Jadzia seems much calmer about the shift in time, and her dialogue feels natural, while Julian continues questioning himself in tone throughout the recollection:)
JADZIA: (greatly upset at what she has just learned about Julian’s parents) Get them back here! I can’t believe that! You let them go?
JULIAN: (in the past, he was sulking at the conference table, and some of that physicality appears again in the present) Not completely - I mean, my father was arrested.
JADZIA: Good, finally! I can’t believe that. How could they? How dare they?! I’d like to give them both a piece of my minds - all eight of them.
(Julian shrugs, and mumbles his reply)
JULIAN: I knew it would all come out at some point.
JADZIA: They had no right to do any of that, Julian. You were a child. You were their child. Their job was to love you, at the bare minimum.
JULIAN: It doesn’t matter much, now. It’s already done. I was paranoid for years, but now they’ve seen me again and it’s all over with. Probably my career, as well.
(His laugh is dry and bitter, and Jadzia scoffs - not at him, but at his attitude.)
JADZIA: No, no, no. The Federation will protect you - legally, at least. But it won’t protect them. There’s no way they had you augmented as a ‘medical necessity.’ That won’t hold up under questioning at all.
JULIAN: (finally picking up small bits of consolation, one at a time) That’s true.
JADZIA: What did you say the diagnosis was?
JULIAN: I was autistic. (Pauses, reflects) I am autistic.
JADZIA: Right… you mean they didn’t even change anything. And maybe I’m not up with human culture anymore, but you don’t look unhealthy to me.
JULIAN: They made me this way. I made me this way… no, hang on. You’re right, it’s nothing to do with health. It’s a behavioral diagnosis. I remember doing a great deal of research on it, as a teenager, because I’d heard them throw the word around like it was something awful. I was… (his voice buckles, but does not break completely - not as long as he has his good friend beside him for support) I was trying to figure out exactly what was wrong with me. I couldn’t make sense of it. This was just before I learned about the augmentation procedures. I had caught up to my classmates, academically, but they were still unhappy. But I don’t think much has changed, since then.
JADZIA: I mean it, I’ll go testify right now, of all the horrible--
JULIAN: (Julian is ready to launch into one of his Long talks) It’s alright, hang on a moment. I was… I recall reading about the spectrum and placing myself on it - it was an imperfect historical system, but I found reading material on many of the habits my parents thought were peculiar - many of the textures, foods, and sensations I disliked - my inability to communicate, er, effectively for quite some time - collecting information only about topics I found interesting - struggling to understand some social settings - and how I never responded to my childhood name or… yes, or pronouns. Those things hadn’t changed after my augmentation procedures, and they were unhappy with that result.
JADZIA: Wait… pronouns? Oh, humans! I heard them calling you that other name - I thought it was a nickname… Julian, if you’d just told me beforehand, I would’ve turned that ship away before they could even dock--
(Julian shrugs again and waves his hand for her to stop.)
JULIAN: The majority of newborn humans are still assigned male, female, or intersex, for recordkeeping purposes. Jules Bashir was assigned female. I imagine that isn’t something Trill bothers with, in this day and age.
(Indeed not; Jadzia is perplexed, but manages to answer with that grateful, sage wisdom Julian has come to expect from her over the years.)
JADZIA: No. But some of us do get offended in being called a past host’s name; we have every right to, and so do you. Especially if they were a bad host! And we don’t use pronouns at all unless we’re talking in Federation Standard, and I can see that’s based on a very flawed human system. You have every right to be upset with them, Julian… they didn’t accept a single thing about you.
(Julian tries to remember further back in his youth, but we can see by his expression that the memories are foggy. That’s probably for the best.)
JULIAN: I don’t think Jules was an unhappy little-- (the word almost makes him gag) girl. I don’t know, I hardly remember her, she wasn’t me, but she was--
JADZIA: Stop referring to yourself like that. I’m your friend, and I won’t allow it.
(Julian stops cold, with his mouth hanging open, just staring at her.)
JADZIA: That’s better. It sounds like your parents are still making you feel bad about yourself, and I just can’t stand by and let that happen. Who cares what they think?
JULIAN: I tried that. Not caring, I mean. Once I heard what they did, I left home. I changed my name, I had my own procedures done… I hoped that would blur the lines a bit - distract people from digging back any further in my history. Just detaching myself completely--
JADZIA: And, (Jadzia smiles, and we get the sense she would like to take his hand and squeeze it, for reassurance) building yourself completely.
JULIAN: Hmm?
JADZIA: You made those changes because they were good for you - which is more than we can say about your parents. Then you made yourself this incredible life - look at you! You’re an amazing doctor, you’re so kind… you’re one of the greatest men I’ve ever known. You could give yourself a new name and a new body every year if you wanted, and it wouldn’t make you any less deserving of basic decency.
(Julian shrugs. He knows the compliment is not hollow, but it feels that way.)
JULIAN: Thank you.
JADZIA: I mean it. It’s like you got a better host for yourself, right? You’ve always been in there, just the way you are, but you’re in a different host now. Different host, new name, same you. Not everyone has to like being called ‘Old Man.’ Some of us need to move on as fast as we can; that’s fine.
JULIAN: Ah, you see, the name took some time, actually. I thought I’d like being at the Academy and just relying on titles for a while… blending in with all the other Cadets. Yes, Cadet, no, Cadet. But then it was Ensign, and then it seemed like no time at all until it was Doctor. And I was proud of that… but it never felt as good to me as…
JADZIA: (with reverence and a palpable sweetness) Julian. I think it’s perfect. I’d almost believe you if you told me it was written right on your skin, like my name is on me.
(She touches a patch of her forehead - we assume the spots she has there bear her name in the Trill language.)
JULIAN: Oh, it is… (he begins to make a gesture at his chest, passing over a long-forgotten surgical site, but then he slows… Slows… until his tracing finger stops completely, and goes on to tap at his heart instead.)
(Jadzia has no concept of the scar he is drawing. She prompts him gently; he is not about to argue.)
JADZIA: Inside? (She smiles) that’s what matters most.
JULIAN: I imagine that’s what most parents teach their children, yes.
JADZIA: Don’t give them another second of your energy. Besides, you’ll be a way better father than he was. A hundred times over.
(Julian laughs like he doesn’t believe her.)
JADZIA: Really, you will. Just you wait. You’ll cross paths with the perfect alien, plan your family, and you’ll take damn good care of them.
JULIAN: That doesn’t feel very likely, right now. But I’ll take your word for it.
(Jadzia returns us to the prayer scene. Julian is shaking his head to clear that memory and better focus on the present, again. Jadzia, as ever, is calm.)
JADZIA: What did I tell you, hmm? And how are Ezri and Garak, by the way?
JULIAN: (catching back up to the moment, nodding, calmed immediately at mention of his beloved’s names) both very well, thank you, on the station and Cardassia, respectively… our last trip together was just last month, we went to the most beautiful beach in the-- (we get the sense he is about to go off on a long, delighted tangent about their family vacation, which Jadzia hates to interrupt, but must:)
JADZIA: See? You have a wonderful family. I’d love to hear all about your trip, maybe next time.
JULIAN: Next time?
JADZIA: I don’t want to make you late for that Joining procedure.
(Julian is still somewhat in a daze.)
JULIAN: That’s right… but we hardly discussed that. Why in the world did you show me that memory, and nothing else?
(Jadzia looks pleased with herself, almost smug.)
JADZIA: What can I say? Being a religious symbol has made me believe in… well, symbolism.
JULIAN: I’m not sure I follow.
JADZIA: (waving her hand, playful and dismissive) yes, you do. I wanted you to realize - by comparison if nothing else - what a good, loving, supportive parent you are. You see your daughter approaching her Joining and you want to encourage her to become her authentic self. You came to me for help, even though there are a thousand easier things you could’ve done. And you don’t even need my help.
JULIAN: That’s right - I seem to recall always getting some resistance from you.
JADZIA: Maybe (her smile is coy, but then turns real and reassuring) but not this time. You know exactly what you’re doing, this time. Joining is an honor, and I don’t see it as any different than what you and I were talking about, all those years ago. You will still love her regardless of the changes she will undergo. Is that what you were worried about? Oh, Julian...
JULIAN: I suppose so. I… I feared I had nothing helpful to share with her. I only knew what not to do. And Ezri and Elim had the same ideas - we all did our best to avoid the things our parents did to us.
(Jadzia nods as she takes this in.)
JADZIA: It’s sad, but it works. That’s how we overcome our differences - one generation at a time.
JULIAN: Well. You never treated me any differently.
JADZIA: There’s no reason to. It’s your parents’ mistake for not realizing what an amazing man their son was going to become, all on his own. Now, you really need to be getting to that operating room, Doctor.
JULIAN: (with realization) So I can see what an amazing Host my daughter is going to become, hmm? (teasing) Thank you, Your Eminence. I hope you’ll come down for the afterparty.
JADZIA: (looking at her nails, or any gesture that makes her look playful and uninterested) I’ll see what I can do… (she snaps her finger, and the Vision goes dark.)