Chapter Text
Julie really had to hand it to Flynn and Carrie. The complex system they had set up just so she could stay in the music program were next level. All Julie had to do record herself performing and submit the soundtrack to count towards her performance grade. In another life, this would make things so much easier, but ….
Julie had not played music since her mother died. Period. Full stop. How was she supposed to play again?
Apparently, the answer was alone in her garage-turned-studio with a song her mother had left for her on the piano in hopes she would return to music in her own time. (Carrie had found it when she had gone in to find a special scrunchie for a Dirty Candy performance about a month ago.) It would be her first time even listening to music, so, as much as they wanted to listen to Julie blow them away with her talent, Carrie and Flynn were waiting upstairs in her room for her.
Alone with the grand piano, Julie took a second to really take it all in. The studio looked like the last day mother was in there. If anything, there might be a small layer of dust on the furniture and instruments which is to be expected. Julie didn’t come out here anymore, and neither Carlos nor her father ever really have a reason to come out.
Running her eyes over the same old walls and same old furniture, she couldn’t tell what she felt, standing in the doorway of the studio. Part of her wanted to be furious, (How dare does this place not mourn for her mother?) but it made sense that it didn’t change. Her mother always said that music was about connecting people through time and place, that the greatest composers and musicians lived on after their deaths so long as their music was played.
Walking over to the piano, Julie found the song her mother left for her exactly how she left it: waiting to be played. Settling into the piano bench and spreading her fingers over the keys, Julie felt herself step up to the precipice she had been avoiding for a year since her mother died. For so long, she felt that if she did this, it would be a direct disrespect to her mother’s memory, that acknowledging she was really gone and moving on was like some kind of awful betrayal to her mother. It was only after finding the note her mother left her on the back of the song that Julie decided to try again.
Taking a deep breath, Julie let her fingers dance along the keys of her mother’s piano, letting the music ebb and flow in the air around her.
Here's one thing I want you to know
You got some place to go
Life's a test, yes, but you go toe-to-toe
You don't give up, no, you grow
Julie felt reborn. Memories of learning to play piano and writing music with her mom filtered through her mind, feeding her high from music.
And you use your pain
‘Cause it makes you you
Though I wish I could hold you through it
I know it’s not the same
You got living to do
And I just want you to do it
So get up, get out, relight that spark
You know the rest by heart
The lyrics wrapped around the wounds of her soul like a bandage, and Julie, unable or unwilling, played her heart out, losing herself in the words left to her by her mother.
Wake up, wake up if it's all you do
Look out, look inside of you
It's not what you lost
It's what you'll gain raising your voice in the rain
Wake up your dream and make it true
Look out, look inside of you
It's not what you lost
Relight that spark, time to come out of the dark
Wake up, wake up
It was almost like hearing the song out of her mother’s mouth, and the message was coming to Julie loud and clear. It was time for Julie to push through all the dark numbness she had suffered over the last year and to move past her mother’s death.
Better wake those demons
Just look them in the eye
No reason not to try
Life can be a mess
I won't let it cloud my mind
I'll let my fingers fly
And I use the pain 'cause it's part of me
And I'm ready to power through it
Gonna find the strength, find the melody
'Cause you showed me how to do it
Get up, get out, relight that spark
You know the rest by heart
Julie felt a strength bubble up in her, giving her the courage to play on. She felt like a diamond that had been unearthed after so many years of pressure to form the perfect stone.
Wake up, wake up if it's all you do
Look out, look inside of you
It's not what you lost
It's what you'll gain raising your voice in the rain
Wake up your dream and make it true
Look out, look inside of you
It's not what you lost
Relight that spark, time to come out of the dark
Wake up, wake up
So wake that spirit, spirit
I wanna hear it, hear it
No need to fear it, you're not alone
You're gonna find your way, oh
Wake up, wake up if it's all you do
Look out, look inside of you
It's not what you lost
It's what you'll gain raising your voice in the rain
Wake up your dream and make it true
Look out, look inside of you
When you feel lost
Relight that spark, time to come out of the dark
Wake up, mm, wake up
As the final notes came to a close, Julie felt lighter, like she had finally put down all the pain she carried since her mother died. She was far from done with her journey, but she had made real progress in the right direction by playing again.
Julie took her time in putting away the recording equipment and making the CD and the backup ready for Ms. Harrison, letting herself really soak in this personal victory.
When Julie emerged from the studio, she wasn’t surprised to see Flynn and Carrie waiting for her just a few feet away. Too content to do much else than softly smile, Julie just gave a small laugh and said, “I thought you were going to wait for me upstairs?”
“We were, but then we remembered that we have to actually make homeroom,” Carrie playfully snipped. Flynn gave Carrie a small push (she was still not wholly convinced Carrie wasn’t going to turn around and hurt them again) but Julie just gave another laugh to her friends before grabbing her bag and making her way down the driveway to Carrie’s car. (Having a rich somewhat absent rockstar dad apparently had its perks.)
“So … how did it go?” Flynn asked as soon as she had fallen in step with Julie. Carrie, being on the other side of Julie, shot a small look at Flynn as they approached her car.
“It … went,” Julie supplied unhelpfully as the three girls placed their bags in Carrie’s trunk and piled into the car. Carrie drove, naturally, and (in the only time Flynn willingly gave up the front seat) Julie rode shotgun while Flynn took up the backseat.
“I don’t mean to push, but by went…?” Carrie prompted while pulling up her Spotify on her phone.
“I got the recording for Ms. Harrison, don’t worry,” Julie provided with a smile. Flynn and Carrie shared a moment of happiness for their friend, letting out cheers of encouragement, before Carrie locked her phone and sent a questioning look to Flynn. Julie, not knowing what her friends were up to, just gave them questioning looks.
Flynn, seeming to understand what Carrie was suggesting (though Julie sure didn’t), cleared her throat before looking down at her shoes. “Jules?” she called.
Julie turned to look at her normally boisterous friend. “What’s up, Flynn?” Julie inquired gently.
“Do you think we could listen to it?” asked Flynn, still making eye contact with her shoes.
Julie was a little taken back. Sure, she knew on some level someone would listen to her recording, but to watch someone do just that seemed too daring for her. She almost said no when she realized that it might be a good idea to at least listen to the track before trying it in, and her friends would never say anything against her. Not letting herself talk herself out of it, Julie quickly got out of the car, skipped to the trunk, opened it up, grabbed the backup out of her bag, and run back into the car to hand the CD off to Carrie, who starred at Julie for only a second before putting the CD into the player and letting it load.
As Carrie drove to school, the girls listened to Julie’s recording over and over, becoming more and more elated with every playing. By the time, Carrie pulled into the school’s parking lot, the girls were a giggling mass with random improvs on the melody here and there. Fortunately, there was no one in the parking lot to witness their small bout of insanity. Unfortunately, that was because the warning bell for homeroom was about to go off.
The pack of girls quickly grabbed their bags and made for their first class of the day. So focused on getting to their first class, Julie hadn't noticed that the backup CD she had hastily stashed haphazardly into her bag had slipped out and fallen to the ground.