Chapter Text
* * *
Fairy lights twinkled mockingly in the reflection of Stella’s window as she sat there in the big chair she’d dragged to the edge of her home. It was cold here, beyond the range of the low flames in her fireplace, closer to the ice outside than the fire within. Her feet felt like heavy ice cubes, even though she had on the thickest house socks she owned. Their woolly structure did little to shield her from the cold, harsh weather she felt beating down on her, more so every passing moment of every withering day. It didn’t matter that these days she spent most of her time indoors, the dark gloom that hung around her penetrated even the thickest walls.
It was the day before Christmas during the year of hell, and once again, Stella was alone.
She had really tried to get in the Christmas spirit this year. While Dana had watched from her computer screen Stella had put up a small, real tree she’d found on a grocery run. Reluctantly following Dana’s instructions she’d strung up some lights in her living room while Dana did the same in hers, for the single reason that Dana had said it would help against the cold. But it didn’t. It just reminded her of all the things that weren’t, couldn’t, hadn’t been and wouldn’t be for God knows how long. Stella had wanted to take it all down a thousand times but somehow couldn’t bring herself to do it, so she just sat there, watching them, watching her.
On top of all that she was stuck at home, forced to take her annual leave, not expected back in the office until the second week of the new year. She had nowhere to go, no place to be but her own house, her own thoughts, her own life that felt like nothing more than a sad existence. Needing a day to sulk she’d canceled her call with Dana two days ago, reassuring her she was fine, but knowing she’d run out of ways to convince the observant redhead. She hadn’t really even tried. The missed call yesterday had been easily ignored, and even though it ate away at her soul Stella couldn’t help but relish in the familiar feeling of deep loneliness.
Her eyes were unfocused as they gazed at the scenery outside. There was no one on the streets, and it had started to snow about an hour ago. As soon as she’d noticed the soft blanket of frosty dust falling from the sky Stella had poured herself a scotch, fetched a blanket and she hadn’t cared about the marks she’d left on her floor as she unceremoniously dragged her heavy chair to the window. Admittedly, she felt comfortable if she really focused, but everything around her seemed wrong - except for the purity of the white world outside. The world that had been at war with itself for most of this past year now seemed oddly small and at peace. It was quiet though, in her house, in her head and in her heart - something was missing, and even though Stella knew what it was she found herself reluctant to admit it and unwilling to just dial the numbers and let that one voice fill the void.
Darkness was fast approaching and it came with a mist that spread like a blanket over the day. Stella watched how the street lights flicked on, one after the other, almost in unison but just out of sync. She smiled wistfully, letting her eyes wander along the white blanket covering the pavement until she could no longer discern the houses down her street. That’s what it had been like all year, out of sync, events cascading down upon them with no way to control or stop them. She knew she had it easy. A roof over her head, a steady salary, healthcare and nutrition and all the things she ultimately needed. It was just a storm, a long, stretched-out, year-long storm that she could weather from inside for as long as she needed to.
She knew that.
And still. Still, as the days went on, got shorter and grew darker one thing became almost impossible to deny.
She was alone. And it was ridiculous, but maybe everything she had here wasn’t enough.
As her mind wandered to the one she missed so dearly Stella softly curled her fingers around the ring that was around her left ring finger. She played with it, shifted it a little, brought it up to her gaze and dropped it again as she lightly shook her head. It was a simple ring, golden, thin and smooth and Stella loved it, but she loved the woman whom it belonged to even more. The ring had been in Stella’s possession for a long time before she’d decided she wanted to give it to Dana. Ever since she’d come up with the thought the ring had been with her, on her finger, waiting to be given away. Dana hadn’t noticed in their conversations, or if she had, she hadn’t commented on it. How long would it be until Stella could show it to her? How long until she could marry the woman she loved more than she thought possible?
Her brain detrimentally took the quiet moment to once more imagine Dana sitting in the cab that slowly drove past. The windows were fogged up so she could impossibly see, but Stella’s mind pictured a flash of red behind the windows - just a hint, like she’d seen hundreds of times before in crowds, across streets, from behind darkened glass… And every time she physically felt her heart reach out before it was caught by the gates of distance. She wasn’t here. She just wasn’t.
Stella sipped from her glass, the amber liquid burning its way down her throat as she watched a glimmer of red flow under the light of one lantern, then the next, and the next. Damn gingers, she cursed to herself, always tricking her memory into thinking Dana was coming for her. But then, as the warm light from the old London lanterns cast a ray of clarity down into the mist, Stella’s heart froze over.
The glimmer of red stopped just under one of the lights. They were just a few houses away, so Stella could make out a form, but nothing more. Still, something familiar sparked within her, ignited by the way the creature on the street moved to presumably tuck their hand into their coat pocket. They were dragging a suitcase in their other hand, Stella noticed, and she started to shake.
A ray of ginger shone like a warm fire surrounded by solid ice. Stella saw a few brave snowflakes flutter down in the beam of light and catch on the vividly coloured strands of the strange creatures’ hair. As the figure moved closer, Stella’s eyes struggled to translate the whirlwind of emotions coursing through her, faster and faster, until the form was so close that there was no doubt as to their identity.
Dana?
Stella watched how the shape of the woman who was supposed to live in her laptop, on her phone, looked up at her expectantly from the cold London street outside Stella’s apartment. She pushed herself up out of her chair a little to have a better view of what surely was a figment of her imagination, right? However, their eyes met and Stella watched how warmth spread like a phoenix from the ashes throughout Dana Scully’s entire being. A small, hopeful, almost apologetic smile formed and Stella felt her jaw physically start to tremble in her body’s effort to keep up. ‘What…’ she mumbled to herself, still half thinking she might be dreaming. Outside, the form of her fiancée moved closer, snow dancing around her like fireflies drawn to her warmth. Stella pushed herself up out of her chair and clutched her glass in both hands. Dana drew closer, and finally there was no denying it anymore.
Stella’s legs carried her to her front door just as Dana turned onto the small path to Stella’s doorstep. Stella’s door creaked from the cold, and Stella shivered as the wind carried in a few stray snowflakes. Slowly she raised her eyes to wander across the image in front of her.
Sneakers, darkened from the snow and most likely ruined by the salt on the street. Jeans, dark navy, almost black. A tan coat, a long, thick one that Stella had seen before. Then, five pale, slender fingers that curled around the handle of a big dark suitcase. No gloves, Stella noticed. Shoulders that tensed a bit under Stella’s scrutiny before the arrow created by a thick ginger braid revealed two deep, pure pools of eternity. ‘Hi,’ Dana rasped. Her eyes glittered in the cold and crystals shone everywhere, in her eyes, on the bridge of her nose, in the waves of her beautiful hair.
‘I was… just thinking of you,’ Stella breathed. ‘I… Where did you come from?’
‘Airport,’ Scully gestured aimlessly, her voice tender and unsure behind her white medical face mask. ‘Can I…’ She shivered and vaguely waved in front of her.
‘Of course,’ Stella stepped aside to let Scully’s now shaking body in at an acceptable distance, more so out of habit than anything else. ‘It’s freaking cold,’ Scully huffed, more to herself than anyone else and with the sole purpose of filling a silence. Stella just regarded her.
She couldn’t believe what she was seeing. Surely it must be a figment of her imagination, some sick trick her mind played on her after months of solitude. And yet, she looked so real. Smelled so real as she drifted past. The fresh scent of winter hung around them, frosty and blue, mixed with excitement and tenderness. Stella was speechless, a frown having carved its way between her eyebrows as she watched Scully slowly lose her confidence. This was probably as far as she’d planned ahead. There was no play here, all options were out on the table - and Stella was now supposed to make the next move. As her heart melted, her brain froze.
Dana slowly turned towards Stella who pensively clicked the door in its lock. She focused on placing her suitcase against the wall of Stella’s hallway before sighing deeply. Her eyes took a slow path up Stella’s form, noticing her house socks, legging and oversized jumper on her slender body. Her cheeks were flushed and something serendipitous hung in the air between them. Stella looked so small in the grandness of her home, so warm and almost like she was floating on a dream.
That dream seemed to slowly dissolve into the truth and Dana watched how the mist before Stella’s eyes started to steadily drift away. Stella took a deep breath, pressed her lips together, put one graceful hand to her own cheek and finally found her way to Dana’s gaze. She blinked a few times, her eyes shifting to the door behind Dana and back as if she was still anticipating Dana to disappear into thin air. Finally, it was her disbelief that gave up and flew away on the wings of a small smile that found its way onto Stella’s glowing cheeks.
‘You can take your mask off,’ Stella said quietly, her other hand half-heartedly pointing in the direction of Dana’s face.
‘I thought… maybe you’d want me to keep it on,’ Scully almost whispered through the KN-95 protective fabric.
Stella choked up as tears fought their ways to the corners of her eyes.
‘Of course not, silly,’ she sniffed as her lip trembled, and her body finally, bravely, gave up.
She let out a shuddering breath in an attempt to stay upright. Her knees almost failed her and with a deep exhale she caught Scully in the most soul-searing embrace they’d ever shared.
Or maybe Scully caught her, Stella didn’t know. All she knew was the beautiful reality of Dana’s existence being right at her fingertips again. Her arms flung themselves around Scully’s shoulders and she buried her nose in the softening ice that clung to Dana’s hair. Crushing Dana’s cold body to hers she held her tightly, unable to fully comprehend that she was real, that she was here.
After so long, with so little hope.
She was here.