Across the Universe

by Chaniis

Summary:

Whilst on a mission, John and Todd are attacked and stranded on a planet without a working stargate. Their only hope of escape comes in the form of Wraith from Todd's own alliance, who don't know of Todds "dealings" with humans. It's either be caught or, do what Todd does best and lie. One demonstration later and John finds himself on a Hive alongside his dubious companion. What was supposed to be a temporary stop soon becomes a journey into the vastness of the Pegasus Galaxy with no way to contact Atlantis and no way off the ship without being found out and risking not just death, but Todd's alliance itself. Desperate to get back to their respective homes, John and Todd must embark on a long and dangerous quest with no hope for survival except each other.

Across the Universe is the story of trust, acceptance, and love between two unlikely wayward adventurers. It seems that there certainly is a lot about each other that John and Todd don't know.

-Set in season five after "Search and Rescue" and before "The Queen" as an AU timeline.

Notes:

• For bagheerita.

I've been itching to write something for this paring ever since we first met Todd. Now that I've finally finished the series I can finally start. I hope you like this beginning, all feedback is appreciated :)

Chapter 1: As we Embark

“No, it's too dangerous. Not to mention completely against protocol.” Richard Woolsey, head of the Atlantis Expedition, stated from across the long, wide, and garish meeting table he’d brought with him from home.

The comment was directed at a Wraith, Todd, who stood with his arms crossed, a sharp-toothed grin across his grey-green face. The tall commander towered over almost all of John Sheppard’s team, excluding Ronan. The large Satedan had offered to keep the alien at gunpoint through the meeting. His one-of-a-kind weapon was set to stun though, John knew he wanted to set it to kill. Alongside him were two marines pointing their 5.56 mm Koch G36K firearms, ready to fire on John’s command.

For someone surrounded with such immediate death, the commander was as calm as always. Perhaps the decade he’d spent imprisoned had changed his outlook on life.

From the left of Todd, an apprehensive Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard’s thought went to what the Wraith had had to endure, then shuttered at the memory of the time he himself had spent in Kolya’s prison. The feeding scar on his chest stung, the strange burning sensation making its way up to where another scar marked where Todd’s hand had gifted him back the years it stole. The suction-type scar there, in the place between his pecs, was fading but, still visible enough to remind him of the weirdest sequence of events he’d ever experienced. He coughed, rubbing his chest to ease the strange reaction. A shift in Todd’s stance brought the Wraith a quick glance at the colonel as if he sensed John’s reaction. John refused to meet his cat-like eyes. He chose, instead, to turn his head toward Woolsey.

The alien made a noise not unlike a purr and turned back to Woolsey. “I do not care about protocol,” he blinked slowly, cocking his head ever so slightly, his big arms flexed and his body tensed as if he were preparing for a fight.

“You’re not in charge of the Atlantis Expedition.” Woolsey snapped back in that IOA taught tone he usually employed when nervous. Everyone knew Todd was a lethal force despite the threat of fire. “Your proposal is far too dangerous; I won’t allow it.”

The commander just chuckled and shrugged in a frankly comical way “I’m only offering this…expedition…a chance to come with me, I’m not asking for permission to go” he paused, eyes gleaming, then bowed mockingly with one arm across his chest “Mr. Woolsey.”

Ronan’s arm flexed, no one said anything. Not even Woolsey had a good comeback.

Todd made the strange purr sound again, glancing at John before eyeing the crowd, “Well, if that’s your answer then I’ll be on my way.” He took a step and instantly, guns cocked, Ronan leaped forward and pressed his gun into Todd’s neck. The whole table, except John, moved back a few steps.

Todd’s laughter permeated the room. It was a sound between a wheeze and the jolly song of the Ghost of Christmas Present.

John rolled his eyes, even though his own hand was on his holstered weapon, “Stand down” He growled at his men who did as they were told, most of them anyway. “Ronan,” he snapped at his aggressively loyal teammate, “Stand. Down.”

Ronan huffed and moved away; weapon still aimed.

Jerking his head to Todd, John said to his men, “Take him to the holding cell, I’m not entirely convinced that this is a bad idea.”

Woolsey’s head snapped to John “Colonel-“

“Sheppard, I knew you’d be on my side,” Todd smirked, catching John's gaze yet again.

“I’m not on anyone’s side, get him out of here.” He grimaced, not pleased by the summersault his stomach did when the pair met eyes.

“Yes sir.” The two soldiers, one armed with the ancient gene, lead the Wraith out of the meeting room.

“What the hell was that?” Rodney protested as soon as they were gone, “You take his side?” the brilliant scientist sure had a way with words.

“Hold on Rodney,” Teyla said, “John might be right.”

"Ugh, you too?"

“I’m not on anyone’s side, Rodney,” he said through his teeth, “I just think the location has merit.”

He truly didn’t like that he agreed with Todd but, he did. The planet Todd had come to them about was located near the edge of Pegasus. It was a Wraith outpost rumored to house a facility akin to the one Todd had destroyed with his ship, a breeding den for lack of better words. For Todd, it housed extra weapons, ships, and men for his alliance. For the team, it was another way to lessen the Wraith’s hold on the galaxy. John thought that was worth a risk his team had taken before, countless times, and succeeded. But it was crawling with Wraith and, from a military standpoint, John could see why Woolsey was refusing. John wasn’t one to back down from a fight through.

Turning his attention to Woolsey, he said "Do you know what this could mean for us? Getting another chance to take out one of those Wraith baby factories is huge. And with Todd’s Hive, it wouldn’t be too difficult.”

“I can see where Sheppards coming from.” Ronan said, surprising the whole room, “But I don’t see why we need his help.”

“Because it would break his trust to see us go off and destroy the coordinates, he gave us,” John answered patiently. He turned to Woolsey again “We’ve taken out the replicators, what’s so crazy about this?”

Woolsey frowned, tapping his fingers against the table “It’s not that I don’t like him, it's that I don’t trust him.”

“None of us trust him” John fired back “And neither does he trust us but-“

“But what? I say we let him get take his weapons and fail, then we swoop in and destroy the thing.” Rodney smirked arrogantly when he was finished.

“Yeah, when they’re most on edge, after an attack? Come on Mckay, you can do better than that.”

For once, the chief scientist was quiet, though he was thinking.

John sighed “Look, I don’t like it any more than any of you do but, it’s a really good opportunity.”

“Agreed,” Ronan said without hesitation. If John could count on anyone to want to kill Wraith, it would be Ronan.

Teyla also nodded “This is the kind of thing our alliance with Todd was made for. You have to admit that him informing us of this discovery is in line with that as well.”

The rest of the team turned to Rodney who just looked annoyed, if a little scared “Oh come on, it’s a stupid idea with lots of different horrible outcomes and opportunities for failure. And it’s helping Wraith, why would we help Wraith? I’m Todd’s ally as much as the next guy but I sincerely doubt the benefit of-“

“Rodney” John urged, knowing full well Rodney was still going to agree, even if he went on for two days about the downsides.

Rodney furrowed his brows, looked at the three of them then, sighing he dropped his hands to his sides in defeat and rolled his eyes “Fine, but I warned you.”

John smirked at him and turned to Woolsey, “We’re all for it, we just need your go ahead.”

Woolsey looked at them all and rubbed his face, hand going on the bald spot on his head. “Fine, if you’re certain.”

“We are”

Woolsey sighed “Take Major Lorne and his team with you.”

“Yes sir,” John said, barely hiding his grin.

 

~

 

John approached Todd’s cell, the sound of his boots was quiet yet, distinct against the hard floor of the hallway. It was dark like always. The only thing in the room was the metal cage that housed the Wraith Commander. John shuttered, as he usually did when he caught sight of said Wraith.

He stood straight, arms bound behind his back, a growl threatening to spill from his thin lips. “Good news?” He said in his multitoned voice, the bite of the words made John's stomach flip again.

“We’re clear for the mission.” The Cornell reposed currently “We’ll be ready in a few hours.”

The commander didn’t hide his grin. Seeing a wraith grin was not something the colonel was quite settled with yet. “Then I will be allowed to go back to my ship?”

“Not so fast, you’re staying here until we board, don’t want you getting any of your ideas.”

“My ideas?” he chuckled gravely “Indeed.”

“I don’t even want to know what that means,” John said, ignoring the hint of excitant budding in his chest. It didn’t exist, and if it did it was for the prospect of blowing up a Wraith baby factory and nothing else.

Todd only stared with piercing yellow eyes; pupils dilated to see in the shroud of darkness. In the hidden folds of his mind, something asked John “familiar to you?”
John shook his head, trying to chase out the memories of years ago, of a weathered and aging face behind thick metal bars. A voice waxing philosophical about the difference between man and Wraith. And, John tried to chase away the way his hands itched to open Todd’s cell. His deep recesses asked him if Todd felt the suffocating pressure that John felt now, and if being locked up scared the commander, reminded him of a life once lived without the stars.

“Something wrong?” Todd’s voice broke the moment, John stepped back and shook his head.

“Just dreading another visit on a hive.”

“It cannot be helped,” The Wraith said wryly and, John had a feeling that Todd wasn’t referring to what he’d said out loud.

 

~

 

We will be talking Cruisers” Todd informed John's team as soon as they set foot onto the first of many Wraith Cruisers they would see. “The hive is too precious to risk engaging in battle at this moment”

“Oh yeah?” Rodney crooned “And what’s wrong with it, one of your not-so-brilliant engineers having trouble?” almost everyone in the room rolled their eyes. Everyone knew how fascinated Rodney was with Wraith tech and what he'd give to talk to one of their engineers for hours.

Todd snorted “It is not necessary for our mission” He basically repeated and then took up command at the controls.

John had to force himself not to linger on the way Todd’s strong body always seemed to be twice as powerful when he was flying a hive. Something in him wondered how the commander thought of John when the colonel was flying and aircraft. Did he feel the same reverence that bubbled under John's stoic mask? The colonel shook his head, chasing the idea away and it was soon replaced with the skin-crawling sensation of shame. It didn’t matter what the Wraith thought, he was a Wraith, and sooner or later he would betray Atlantis. John had to remember that.

“Sheppard?” the commander's voice, spouting his name in increasing annoyance, finally caught John's attention.

His mouth went dry and his gaze snapped to the Wraith “Uh?”

Todd sneered in the way he usually did “Are we ready to go?”

John cleared his throat and nodded weakly “Uh, yep.” Heat rose to his cheeks and he rubbed his face to hide the evidence.

“Then let us go,” Todd ordered his Wraith to their positions and the entire Cruiser buzzed to life, making John and the team even more acutely aware of where they were standing.

Cruisers were made of the same organic material that all Wraith ships were. The dark, cool but humid atmosphere perfectly matched with the foggy floors and drab, membraned walls. The controls looked like bundles of pourous-red roots that John knew were soft. The floor was also soft, something that had surprised John and his team the first time he had been on a Wraith vessel. Now, he was uncomfortably used to the slightly spongy feeling of walking on enemy territory. He was dreading spending the five-day hyperspace trip it would take to get to their destination.

“It's not too late to back out, Sheppard.” Todd drawled almost mockingly.

John shivered; he hated the way the alien always seemed to know what he was thinking. He sincerely hoped that it was just a weird coincidence.

“No way,” John shot back, “a chance to kill Wraith is not a chance I’m backing out from.”

Instantly Todd tensed and the hairs on John's neck stood straight up.

One Wraith growled and Todd held his hand up to stop it.

it was silent for a while, until:

'I had hopped…' Todd’s voice

“Well keep hoping.” John retorted.

The room fell silent at John's comment to nothing. John looked around, confused at their varying faces of shock and confusion until, finally, Teyla spoke “John…are you well?”

It was John's turn to be confused, “What are you talking about?” He eyed the others, but they all seemed to be on Teyla’s side of things.

After a long pause, Teyla masked her worry, “Never mind,” she faced Todd “Shall we depart?”

“Indeed” Todd purred, taking one last, almost predatory look at John before closing his eyes and letting the ship fly.

As they grew further and further away from Atlantis, John couldn’t shake the feeling that something was about to go horribly, horribly wrong.

Chapter 2: Thing's we Cannot Say

Summary:

John has a strange encounter with Todd. The trip takes a dramatic shift after a traitor reveals itself.

Notes:

Hey everyone, thank you so much for all the kind comments and Kudos left on the last chapter. I hope you enjoy this longer one just as much.

The team was escorted through the drab, squishy hallways of the hive to a door that only appeared when the Wraith Todd had called his second, waved his hand over it. A section of the wall raised up revealing spacious living quarters with four beds, all separated by sheets of what John hopped was cloth but probably wasn’t. There wasn’t much decorating the room besides a large regular table with five chairs and, a self that stood in the corner farthest away from the beds. The items appeared to be made of wood, a relief to every human in the room. The beds also seemed normal. They had the same pale woody appearance of the other. John was slightly concerned about the origin of these items but, he didn’t ask. There were strange lamp like pods scattered along the walls and giving off a yellow glow

The second, who John had decided to call Kenny, looked at the four of them with a discontented look that could be weaponized. John wondered if perhaps this had been a trap, if Todd had intentionally lured him, his team, and major Lorne’s team on board simply to kill them. He wished that they hadn’t dropped the major and his people off in another room. It made him anxious to not know if they were well.

As if one cue, Kenny spoke “The commander says he hopes that these items will be sufficient and, that you will feel free to unpack and get settled for the journey.” He didn’t attempt to hide the sneer in his voice, eyes narrowing in contempt. He turned to John “You will come with me now, the commander wishes to speak with you.”

Ronan immediately cut in with, “No way” His hand was already on his weapon, ready to fire.

“Relax, Ronan,” Teyla said, putting a hand on one of Ronan’s large arms “Todd has often requested the presence of the colonel and no harm has come to him thus far.”

Ronan grunted but, pulled his hand away from the unique fire-arm at his side.

John sighed, a deep and regretful noise, and plopped his duffle bag down on the bed closest to the door, to the escape. “Alright then,” he turned to the rest “Keep your radios on and be on alert in case anything goes wrong.”

Kenny openly growled at the colonel, “You are lucky the commander has more patience than I.” He waved his hand and the door opened “Now go.”
John shuttered, taking one last look at his friends before walking out with Kenny.

~

They said nothing to each other on the way there. John both had no desire to speak to a Wraith and, was sticking to military training and observing every detail of the layout, memorizing the way both out and back to his friends. As much as he tried though, he couldn’t easily grasp the differences and directions that each of the many corners they turned, were in. It all looked like one, solid mass with no landmarks, it made him sick to think about the helplessness that came along with that.
They turned into the command center and Kenny and Todd traded places with nothing more than a nod. Todd coming to stand uncomfortably close to John. “Are the arrangements acceptable, Sheppard?” He asked, a strange humorous lilt to his creepy voice.

“Yeah…” He looked around, “what am I here for?”

Todd looked at him with amusement, “Come this way.” He started walking in the opposite direction of the team’s quarters.

John’s stomach dropped. He had half a mind to just stay there in the safety of a place he understood but, a couple of low growls from other Wraith prompted him to follow soon after. “Better the devil you know,” he muttered, pacing along slightly faster than his usual speed to catch up with the taller male.

“You do not trust me,” Todd observed when john finally caught up to him.

“Not a chance.” He said back, eyes flicking around the low light to try and figure out where they were going.

“That is a shame,” Todd remarked, slowing down slightly when realized that the other man was struggling.

John kept his mind off how hurt the alien sounded.

They soon arrived at another door similar to the one the team's quarters were behind. Only, this time, when they entered, John did not see even one remotely familiar item. A large table made up most of the room. It wasn’t made of wood, it was made of the same material as the ship. Thick, purple coils rose from the ground to form legs that branched out into a solid, bumpy mass. The chairs were similar though, one had a wooden board on top. There were glowing circles littered over the walls of this place, giving it more light, They were different than the pones of John's quarters and reminded him more of ones outside along the walls of the hive. it was also warmer than the rest of the ship but not by much. A section of the wall was partially see-through and looked like the bars of a hive ship prison cell.

“Where…are we?” John asked.

“My quarters.” Todd sat down casually on the woodless chair.

“Y-Your what?” John stumbled more than he liked over the words, heat brushing his cheeks again.

Todd huffed “Sit, please” he splayed his feeding hand out towards the other chair and John involuntarily jumped back

“I-I’ll stand, thanks.” He spat out, eyeing the feeding hand like a hawk.

It was mostly closed, John could see it pulsing slightly as if it knew there was food nearby. He took another step back. Seeing it out like it was reminded John of the up close and personal time he’d spent with it in that bunker. And while he was genuinely frightened at the sight of it, a deep part of him twisted that fear into excitement and the exhilaration of being so close to death, so close to…

John growled to stop the infectious thoughts in their track.

Todd just shrugged which was a gesture that looked alien on him, and leaned back. “I am not hungry, Sheppard,” he informed. John's blood ran cold at what that meant.

Sill, he sat down but, kept his body on alert in case Todd decided to strike.

The commander gave him an amused once over. Somehow John got the feeling that there was another emotion hiding under his indifference. A sentence curled against him that didn’t sound like his inner voice: after all we’ve been through, you’re still repulsed…

John’s mouth went dry and he rubbed his temples. He fought back against the feeling of regret.

John Sheppard was familiar with the concept of repression, the military required he be. There was no time for soft emotions on a battlefield, he had to remember that more strongly than ever, now.

“Your human customs are very…strange, Sheppard” Todd observed. The Wraith’s expression changed for a second, something like frustration. If John wasn’t so fixated on battling his own turmoil, he would have noticed that the “are you always so cold toward your hosts?” was added as an afterthought and not as mockery.

“Let's just get this over with.” The colonel hissed.

Todd nodded and drew out a map, “Of course, I will debrief your men on the plan in a day or so but, I thought it appropriate to bring up a particular concern…” The male’s gaze flicked back between John and the map. Joh noticed it was of a Wraith building.

John frowned “Well out with it then.”

Todd at once looked incredibly uncomfortable. John could feel the reluctance in his mind. After a long beat, the commander stood and walked to the other end of the room, leaving the map with John “Study that so your team can keep up at tomorrow’s debriefing.” His back was turned.

John frowned “That’s…it?”

The Wraith straightened a growl escaped his lips. “Just get out, Sheppard.”

Getting the message, John quickly gathered up the map and got to his feet. Todd waved his hand to open the door and the colonel turned fast on his heel to bolt.
“Wait.” Todd snapped before John could cross the threshold. Both males turned, the one with glowing eyes regarded the other with an icy intensity John had never seen before. His eyes trailed to the spot where he had sucked the life out of John. The other male’s chest burned at the attention and he quickly raised a hand to cover it.

Todd sneered. He strode long, easy steps across the room until mere inches separated the two men. Before John could react, Todd had his left hand around the hand John protected his chest with and pulled it away easily. Time and space seemed to narrow then, to that moment. The quick breaths of fear countered the even rise and fall of the Wraiths chest and the flair of his sensory pits. A low purr rose up from the male’s throat and he raised his right hand, almost absent-mindedly, to rest on the suction mark on John's neck. John’s breathing ceased; his eyes screwed shut. Every muscle of him was begging for his legs to kick in and carry him far away from what was about to happen. But, for several seconds, nothing came. There was only the feeling of a strong, familiar hand on clothed skin and, the beating of John's heart.

“You are a guest, not crew, remember that the next time you insult my race in front of them.” Todd dropped John’s hand and stepped back a few feet, a coy smirk playing on his face. It was totally different from the tone of the previous minute.

John was about to say something when Kenny appeared in the doorway. “They need you at the helm, commander.”

A look of dissatisfaction crossed against Todd’s face. He flicked his gaze between man and Wraith, eyes still falling on John's chest and making the colonel feel things he shouldn’t be.

“Very well,” Todd answered, “Take the Colonel back to his room.”

Then, Todd was gone, and John was left feeling frightened, dizzy, excited, and sick all at once.

~

He was escorted back in silence, mind running with questions the whole way there. As soon as the doors closed behind him, the other members of his team started to ask their own questions.

“Are you hurt? You look pale, John,” Teyla.

“Do I need to blow some heads off?” Ronan.

John held up a hand to stop them “I’m fine.” He assured weakly. “Does this place have a shower?” He needed to get away from them as soon as possible, he needed to be alone.

Ronan pointed to a door with a regular handle.

“Great,” The colonel made a beeline for it, locking the door once he was inside. He turned on the shower water, ignoring the strange handle and, slid down the bathroom wall, not thinking about how he was pressed against organic material. His mind was spinning, his body was near shaking and his eyes felt hazy.
“What the fuck was that?” He hissed. That was the first time Todd had touched him since Koyla, since…it, the feeding and the gift. Since the actions that existed in John's memory like a rose-covered in thorns.

He shivered in the cold and wrapped his arms around himself for warmth and, for protection and he tucked his head between his knees. His chest and neck burned horribly, his heart was twisted, and his stomach felt inside out. It seemed like he should scream, or cry or something. Or at least let himself feel the whole of it. With the repression of emotions came trouble processing the ones that he did feel, this was no different. This…confusion made his heart hurt and his muscles tense. Like he was running away and running toward something all at once, he had no idea how to react.

As he sat there, shaking, an awful thought practically forced its way into his mind. You’re not scared of Todd, it whispered, caressing its claws of truth along his skull. He blinked back the threat of tears, he couldn’t…couldn’t think about that.

But the truth was the truth, and a part of John knew that his reaction to Todd was not fear, it was something entirely different…and very dangerous.
“John?” Teyla's voice permeated his meltdown “Are you alright in there?”

He cursed and leaped to his feet, all attention suddenly on not being found vulnerable. “Uh- yeah I’m fine, he just gives me the creeps.” He turned off the water and opened the door, not bothering to explain why he wasn’t wet.

Teyla met his eyes with her wide ones “John?”

“He’s fine,” Rodney piped in “Or as fine as someone in the presence of a bunch of Wraith could be.” But. Even Rodney sounded concerned.
John practically pushed past Teyla, ignoring the guilt of keeping a secrete from his team, “I just don’t like being looked at like a meal…” He tried to make it sound convincing.

The entire room was quiet until, finally, Teyla sighed, “If you are sure…”

John just huffed.\, “Get some rest, this is going to be a long trip."

~

It was these quiet hours of the night that had always haunted John the most. The times when the questions of others couldn’t distract him from his shame. Tonight was no different. The encounter with Todd ran over and over in his head as the colonel desperately tried to make sense of it. Every detail of the half-hour or so they spent together was odd, not just the physical part. From Todd bring John to his actual bedroom to…The way his face had looked a split second before he’d gotten up. John had never seen the male act so strange. Todd was generally vocal with his ideas and opinions, not holding back. Now he was definitely holding back. But, what was it? And why was it so secret that only John could hear it? And how had it lead to them touching…

John sighed and rolled over, the portable clock next to him read 0300, 3 AM. H groaned lightly and hulled his exhausted body to his feet. He was going to have To find sleep the hard way. He padded across the room to the bookshelf that was acting as a makeshift cloth’s drawer and, very gently, pulled his black jacket with an American flag patch on. He grabbed a flashlight as well. He had some sense of the direction’s that had taken him to Todd’s quarters, hopefully enough to make it there before morning. As much as he hated the idea of walking around a Wrath ship alone, he knew he had to settle this before Todd could pretend it hadn’t happened.

Like he pretended Koyla didn’t.

John waved his hand over the door sensor Kenny had pointed out to the rest of the team. It opened a little too loudly for John's liking. Rodney groaned and rolled over. For a horrible moment, John thought he might wake up. after an agonizingly still minute, the snoring started again and John dashed out of the room, flashlight in hand.

It was darker but, certainly not as dark as Joh anticipated. It came to him that he didn’t actually know if Wraith slept, or if they did, for how long. Still, it was darker, so John hopped that at least meant fewer were out.

He turned left, the way Kenny had gone, and practically ran through the halls. Allies or not, John didn’t trust the other Wraith to honor that arrangement, the last thing he wanted to do was appear helpless and lost.

As he ran along through endless twists and turns, a horrible feeling crept up his spine, he had no idea where he was. All the hallways looked the same, he couldn’t remember if Kenny had gone right or left here, or if he kept going straight there.

“Fuck” he cursed, this was a pretty shitty look for him. It also meant that no one knew where he was and no one would know if someone decided to attack…
He leaned against a squishy wall, breathing hard.

“Come one John…focus, this isn’t your first time on a cruiser.” He grimaced at his own behavior. He had his gun, a light, and friends on board. The rest was just the cold and confusion talking. It was the day's events and worry about the mission talking, not John. Not Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard.

He gathered his thoughts and turned around to run in the direction he came from. He managed to, somehow, find his way to the singular landmark he remembered, a particularly messy set of coils. Unfortunately, he wasn’t any more lost than he had been a few minutes ago and the ship was beginning to lighten up. He’d missed his window.

Suddenly there was a tingling on the back of his neck and his hair there stood up straight. The strange sensation of being watched washed over him, chilling him to his bones. He stopped in his tracks and his hand went to the colt at his side. He cocked it and held it up in front of him, ready to shoot. Fear ran up his spine and screamed in his brain. How had he been found? And by who? He stayed there, frozen, for what seemed like hours until, finally, the feeling subsided, and it seemed safe enough to walk again.

“I fucking hate Wraith ships.” He growled at a whisper, taking a step forward.

“Do you hate Wraith ships or, do you hate your inability to navigate them?” A multitoned voice answered his very private comment.

He whipped around to face and aim at a very familiar face.

Todd chuckled; he held his leather-clad arm out in a welcoming gesture. John’s face turned red and he lowered his weapon, holstering it. “What are you doing here?” He accused, angry at the jump scare and embarrassed that It had scared him.

“I could ask the same of you, Sheppard.” Todd took a step forward and Joh took a step back. Memories of their last encounter came flooding in, overriding his other emotions.

Todd noticed and ceased his advance “I was coming to…” He growled lightly “Clear things up.” his eyes flashed non-threateningly

John frowned “Funny, I was coming to get some answers about what the hell that was back there.” His hand was on his gun again now.

Todd sighed, the strange sound vibrating against the walls. His gaze flicked around as if eyes were watching and ears were listening. “Not here.”

“I’m not going back to your…room” John stated nervously. He really didn’t want to go back there anymore. He didn’t even fully understand why he’d wanted to go there in the first place.

Todd growled at him, teeth bared, “You make everything difficult, Sheppard.”

John opened his mouth to speak at the same time that the ship jerked and rattled, knocking the Colonel to his feet and unbalancing Todd who was at once on high alert.

“What the-“

The ship shook and groaned, the coils around them began to squirm.

“An attack!” Todd’s eyes were wide, and his lip was curled in a snarl, it was aimed at a bewildered John.

John stumbled to his feet, gripping the wall. He met Todd’s eyes, then sneered back as the ship shook again and an alarm started blaring “It's not Atlantis you idiot, it must be Wraith!”

Something in Todd’s gaze changed, something terrifying snuck into his eyes, making them burn. “We have to get to the control room.”

“No, I need to get back to my-“ Todd’s stronger arm already had a hold of John’s bicep and was dragging him in the direction of the control room “Try and keep up, human.”

John tried to get away from his grip but, the other male kept a fast grip with his alien strength, forcing John to go in his direction once he realized it was only slowing them both down and letting more time to find his friends and crew and escape slip away if the ship went down.

They ran into the control room and Todd shouted, “Who’s attacking?”

Kenny looked up from deploying weapons “It’s the third’s ship, and the fourth's!"

“What?” Todd’s voiced boomed over the shaking and creaking of the hull. He shoved Kenny out of the way and took over weapons. “Get to the darts!” he commanded the Wraith who’d made their way here after the first blast. They all ran towards the hanger bay.

“The hull is taking heavy damage, commander” Kenny announced from his new position, “The ship isn't not going to last.”

“They planned this” Todd almost screeched. He looked on the verge of panic. John had never seen him like that before, Not even in Koyla’s bunker.

There was a moment of silence and then, a bigger blast slammed into them harder than the first two. The entire ship shook, creaked and there was the sound of electronics dying and machines breaking.

“Commander it’s failing!” Kenny yelled over the noise.

John flicked his gaze around at the panicked Wraith and failing ship, dread polled in his stomach. His friends were still deep in the ship, and major Lorne’s team as well. He turned to go after them but, Todd grabbed his arm.

“Abandon ship!” He ordered, his voice sounded strangely human in its unbridled terror.

“Todd my-“

“John, what is happening?”

John's heart swelled when he heard Teyla’s voice. He scanned the room frantically until he spotted his team and Lorne’s running up the hallway into the room, accompanied by a couple of Wraith drones.

Todd let go of his arm and John ran to them, “Get to the jumper, she’s going down!” they all took off to the hanger bay along with new Wraith.

John's heart was beating halfway up his through, he felt sweaty and anxious and nauseous all at once. His team could have been killed and he’d just left them, abandoned them in that room to go talk to a Wraith. He shook his head, no time for that now when he had to fly them out of there.

The group ran into the jumper and John hopped into the control seat. He cloaked it and took off, heart still beating close to a deadly speed. They shot out into the vastness of space and, onto a horrific sight. The other two Wraith cruisers were still firing on a failing one that was quickly beginning to break apart in grand explosions. Pieces of it scattered the vacuum. Wraith darts shot out, only for some to disintegrate. It was a slaughter.

“By his own men…” John trailed off.

Rodney’s eyes were wide, so were Teyla’s

For a moment, all in the jumper was quiet and still.

“There’s a planet down there!” Major Lorne sound, breaking the silence.

John nodded, spun to avoid incoming ship debris, and dipped down to head straight toward it and, the Stargate Rodney had picked up on his sensor. Thank God the scientist was paranoid, or they’d be stuck searching the planet for weeks.

No sooner had the team made it just above the bright green hills near the dialed stargate than the jumper’s warning lights spurred to life.

“What the- Rodney what the hell is going on?!” John shouted as the Jumper began to pick up speed that John wasn’t giving it.

“Uh- I- Uh-“

“Rodney!”

“I don’t know, I think someone must have sabotaged it!”

“The second.” John growled “Brace for impact.”

Everyone gripped onto the closest stable object. John closed his eyes and let his body tumble with the impact of a high-speed crash into the earth.

~

John's ears were ringing, his lungs were full of smoke, his head was pounded with excruciating pain. He could kind of hear the sounds of fire, yelling, and panic.

“John! John! Rodney, he is not waking up!”

“John, Jesus, get the hell up, we have to get out of here while the Stargates still open!”

John opened a heavy lid. His blurry vision barely identified Rodney and Teyla. Through the pain, he managed to pull enough memory from his brain to form a coherent thought. He was injured and injured badly. And from the new sounds of explosions and gunfire, he could gather that they weren’t safe here.

“G-Go” He coughed as he said it and raised himself as much as he could before a blinding pain in his chest made him crumple.

“We are not-“ The entire jumper shifted with the aftershock of an explosion not far off.

“Go!” John screamed, “All of you, that’s an order!”

“John-“

“Can it Rodney, get the hell out of here!” He cringed at his volume, his vison started to blacken, and panic began to set in. He was going to die here; he was sure of it, but at least his team would be safe.

Rodney gripped his hand tightly “We’ll come back for you, we swear.”

Then, John slipped away.

Chapter 3: Changes

Summary:

Todd and John are trapped on a gateless planet but, not for long.

Notes:

Content warning. You may have noticed the Rape/Noncon tag this fic has, That warning is meant specifically for this chapter. There is no rape and the noncon isn't sexual but, it is noncon/dubcon nonetheless so this is a content warning for feeding noncon.

That being said, I hope you enjoy the chapter!

John was dead, at least he felt like it. He was floating in an expanse of nothingness; all sensation was gone from him. Pain was a distant, fading memory. As was all else he despised and held dear. There was truly just blankness. He breathed the empty in and out, scarcely feeling anything except the idea of breath. Did he even have a body to breathe out of? What even was a body?

There was this…nagging, however, that was keeping him from fully relaxing into wherever he was. A faint tugging on his soul seemed to beckon him toward a point forward.

Next came wind rushing through his ears as he was flung almost violently toward that point. As he came closer the world of the point got wider and wider, colors appeared, and people flashed like memories across the surface. A voice whispered “come back to me”

-

John gasped for breath, his body shot straight up as his lungs filled with fresh air. It hurt like hell, he hurt like hell. The colonel’s eyes darted around, trying to find something, or someone he could focus on to pull him out of this- whatever this was that he was feeling. He felt hazy, like he’d been drugged, or subdued in some way. He also felt alive, a rush like no other filled him to the brim with a fullness that was familiar in a far-off way. Had he just been dead?
In his confusion, he failed to notice a pair of hands pull away and a body slink into a dark corner.

Once his vision finally focused, he was able to get a bearing on his surroundings. Around him were grey walls and boxes of supplies that were either destroyed or toppled over. The floor was littered with broken objects and…blood. John swallowed, wondering who, or what had bled out here.

There was the smell of fire, in the distance he guessed. What had happened?

“Sheppard,” a voice regarded him with what John believed to be relief.

He looked over towards the sound and found himself face to face with a Wraith with long white hair and a scrappy goatee. He was dressed in black leather that fitted nicely to his well-toned, muscular body. His piercing yellow eyes seemed to glow even in the daylight.

“Todd?” John breathed out; confusion laced through it. He looked…different.

Todd nodded in a way that almost seemed like a gesture of respect. “You are awake.” He took a step forward, I thought you may not survive a second time under such extreme circumstances but, you are stronger than I first thought.”

John frowned, he rolled Todd’s cryptic words over in his mind until he finally settled on the most reasonable, and disturbing meaning. His hand instantly went up to his chest to feel the scars. He felt the fresh rip in his shirt collar that exposed the place where the gift was given. His gaze turned hard on the Wraith, “What the hell did you do to me?”

“Saved your life,” It was even-tempered “You were bleeding out when I got to you, the gift-”

“You fed from me-“

It was Todd’s turn to glare, “I did not.” He stepped fully out of the darkness, folding one arm over the other and looking down at John with frustration.
John's hand traced down to the scar on his chest, it was covered, and painless. His hand fell and he looked down, not wanting to meet Todd’s eyes “Oh…”
Todd growled softly but said nothing more.

John coughed awkwardly, “What…happened?”

The commander frowned “You do not remember?”

“I…” He closed his eyes, trying to pull up memories of why he was here with Todd, and not onboard Todd’s ship or-

“My team!” He leaped to his feet, ignoring how dizzy the motion made him feel and, that his body seemed twice as heavy as it was before. Everything came flooding back at once. The Wraith ship attack, the Jumper malfunctioning, him dying while urging his team and friends to leave without him. “Oh my god I-“

“Easy,” Todd purred, placing his hand on John’s shoulders and slowly guiding him back down to the floor. “They went through the gate before the dialing mechanism was destroyed.”

John went down easy, a warm feeling filling his stomach when Todd touched him. Still, a tinge of panic broke through and he croaked out “Destroyed?”
Todd nodded, hands still on the colonel, “They were able to escape through the portal, then one of the cruisers sent a blast down the destroyed the dial but, your friends are safe.”

John took a deep breath, relief filled him and he sunk back against Todd”s firm but gentle grasp “So…They’re all alive?”

“Yes.”

John couldn’t even begin to wrap his head around this one. The fog in his mind was blocking real emotions and reality hadn’t hit him yet. He thought about it for a little, trying to grab hold of an intelligent question.

“How are you alive?” was his brilliant choice.

“I am a good pilot,” Todd said, amused though, John could detect some anger in his tone.

“You’re angry,” John was surprised that he even cared to ask.

“My crew and closest Wraith betrayed me.” Todd said harshly “and left us here on this rock to rot.” His hands pulled away from John and he rose to turn his back to the man. The whole thing felt very familiar.

Another bout of silence filled the space. A horrible realization finally sunk in that made John’s stomach turn.

“We’re trapped on a gateless plant without a ship…aren’t we.”

“We are, Sheppard.”

“Fuck!” He growled hissed roughly, getting to his feet again “How far away is the nearest Stargate?”

“Three days of continuous hyperspace travel, if your crew even knows where to look.”

John growled, “Great, so three weeks minimum stuck here with a Wraith as company while they bring the Dedalus back and find the damn place.”

Todd chose to ignore the offensive part “You believe they will come for you?” He snorted in disbelief, turning to Sheppard with those glowing orbs.

John glared back, changing his posture to be on the defense “We don’t leave people behind.” Something about this argument was a little too familiar and it sent a shiver up John's spine. While he waited on the commander’s response, he let his gaze trail over him, taking in the sight of his figure, the way the leather he wore hugged it so…he shook his head, a blush creeping up his face. It was a feeling similar to the first time he had seen Todd do anything else but feed and, to right after they defeated Koyla’s men and John’s life was returned. A haunting but intriguing curiosity and admiration that never belonged in the right moment. What the hell was wrong with him?

“It’s the enzyme,” Todd answered seemingly out of the blue. “It has effects.”

“Great” John murmured to himself and rubbed his face. “And also, not the point.” He grabbed at what they’d just been discussing. he repeated “We don’t leave people behind,” to get back on track.

Todd shook his head, John tried to ignore the way his hair fell off his shoulders when he did. “Your confidence is truly astounding. Especially when they think you are dead.”

It was John’s turn to shake “We always check…” He looked around “They’ll come and bring us both back to Atlantis.”

Todd looked at him, eyes slightly narrowed but with a note of curiosity, “We should make camp for the night.”

~

The sun was just setting when the two finished setting up their makeshift camp that consisted of a fire outside of the intact portion of the jumper and, some emergency blankets laid out for sleeping. John had just finished counting the food when Todd strolled in with extra wood for the fire. John was thankful as the night was already starting to get cold.

“What’s left will last me about a week if ration, I’ll have to hunt the rest.”

“There are many small mammals around these woods,” Todd offered “and plenty of fallen branches.”

“I’m surprised you knew what to look for,” it was almost a tease.

“I have been around humans before, Sheppard,” Todd answered, setting the wood down “I know what your species requires.”

John didn’t answer that. He packed up the rations and went to sit by the fire with his blanket wrapped around him for extra warmth.

Todd stayed in the jumper for a few more minutes before joining John, an extra blanket held out for the colonel to take.

John hesitated a second before nodding in thanks and wrapping it around him as well.

Both sat and stared at the fire until John mustered up the courage to ask “What’s going to happen to you now?”

Todd stayed silent for a while before answering, “I have been cast away before, this is no different."

John looked at him quizzically “Before?”

Todd nodded.

He noticed the very familiar expression that crossed his face almost too fast to register. It reminded him of their conversation in the cruiser. He decided to take a chance, “Todd, what did you want to tell me in your quarters?”

Todd’s eyes flashed in the dim light; his body went rigid. His jaw locked and John could see it grinding. He suddenly felt nervous, near frightened. It was several seconds, perhaps a minute before Todd made any movement. The commander rose to his feet and, in a low but even voice he said, “I’ll take first watch.”

John stared up at him, words hanging on the tip of his tongue. He swallowed them and got to his feet to head to the jumper. He had no intention of sleeping in such close proximity with a strange acting Wraith but, at least pretending would allow him ample time to think about what the hell was going on.

~

“Sheppard” hands grasped him, shaking his arm, “Sheppard, get up.”

He jerked out of sleep shoving the body back against the floor “Wh-“

A clawed hand covered his mouth, muffling his loud question, “Be quiet.”

John squirmed in Todd’s grasp, but his alien strength kept the colonel solidly there.

Todd growled, “another hive has found us, they are going to land soon, and I can’t have you acting on impulse.” He said lowly “So you are going to listen to me, and do exactly as I say unless you want to die.”

John didn’t have time to be alarmed about that particular horror because the thing that came out of Todd’s mouth was even worse “I am going to feed on you and then give it back. You are going to want to scream but you cannot, you must act like it is normal. Do you understand?” His voice got lower as a ship landed.

John tried to bite Todd’s hand, but the commander dug his nails into John's shoulder to distract him, “John, I need you to agree or you will never see your friends again.”
The sound of shouting and footsteps filled the air. John's mind was spinning, he looked up at Todd, pleading for this to go any other way.

Todd closed his eyes and turned his head away, “Forgive me.” He hissed, ripped John's shirt off, and plunged his feeding hand in the Colonel, covering his mouth and scream.

~

John awoke on a soft, warm bed. He was filled to the brim with pleasant warmth and satisfaction. The bed spanned well past the length of his stretching arms. He yawned and rolled over, eyes fluttering open and shut.

Then he heard footsteps outside the door to this place and, Wraith voices and all of it came flooding back.

Pain

Fear

Dying

Yelling

The sound of Wraith ships

Todd’s voice begging him to understand

“Forgive me”

He shot off the bed, stumbling to the floor with a bang. He reached for a sidearm that wasn’t there and panic welled in his chest. Before he could scramble to his feet, the door opened and he ducked behind the bed, pressing his body to the ground and stopping his breathing entirely.

“Sheppard?” Todd’s voice was laced with concern.

Deciding that meant the two were alone, John leaped out at Todd with his fists out and ready. He tried to land a punch but, the larger male's strong arms stopped him and threw him to the bed with that alien strength.

John cursed and tried to lunge at him again, only to find his arms pinned down and a heavy figure pressed on top of him.

“Get the hell off me!”

Todd shook his head. His eyes were locked on John and John was suddenly aware of how shirtless he was, and how close Todd was to his shirtless body. A blush crept onto his face and he turned his head away from Todd, eyes squeezed shut. still, nothing could prevent him from feeling Todd's breath on his cheek and, from hearing the faint beating of the Wraith's heart.

'Get off me!' John screamed in his mind.

Todd snorted lightly, “If I get up, will you attack me again?”

“Y-You deserve to be gut-punched for doing whatever the hell you did back there,” John spat, true anger leaching into his voice.

Todd’s grip lightened but, not enough for John to break free, “Look at me” He demanded.

It took John several seconds to do so and, when he did, he was shocked to see eyes full of regret.

“Forgive me,” Todd murmured, ‘It wasn’t my intention to-“

“Feed on me forcibly like in the bunker?” John growled. Getting that out felt good, hell, even saying the word bunker in front of Todd felt good. So did seeing the commanders wince. He drew back, setting John free.

John sat up. He made no moves to attack, for now.

Todd sat next to him, a little too close for John's liking but, he didn't move away.

“I truly am sorry.” the commander stated. John was hoping the Wraith would say more but, he didn’t. even so, the colonel knew that Todd wasn’t just apologizing for what happened a few hours ago.

The colonel sighed “Where the hell are we?” He couldn’t bring himself to innate any more talk of Koyla, as much as he wanted to.

Todd stood, “A hive ship that belongs to the alliance I do, They must have picked up my distress signal.”

“And…I’m here because?"

“They would have killed you,” Todd answered honestly, “and me if I hadn’t told them that you are a worshipper.”

“A what?” John stood up too, fists balled and ready to swing.

Todd didn’t react except to step closer, “If they knew I had friendly relations with humans that I don’t feed on, they would have killed me.”

John frowned, he took a step back, “Why didn’t you just tell them I was food?”

Todd’s eyes narrowed, “You still don’t trust me?”

“No.” there was a pang in John’s heart, but he didn’t change his answer.

To his surprise, Todd started to laugh. The sound filled the room, echoing off the walls like a musical instrument. It went on for several seconds until, finally, his eyes settled on John with an intensity that put a blush on John's face again. “I admire your honesty, Sheppard. However, you’ll have to trust me if you want to stay alive.”
“I’d rather die than be a Wraith Worshipper.”

“You don’t need to actually be one.” The Wraith said with the patience one has for young children, “Just to pretend, and only for a couple of days.”

“A couple of days?”

“They’ve agreed to drop us off at the nearest Stargate, they have no desire to keep two strangers onboard anymore than we have the desire to be on board in the first place.”

John let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He nodded reluctantly, “okay…so…only for a couple of days…and you won’t have to feed on me again?” It sure as hell wasn't good news but, It also wasn't the worst idea ever. It was certainly doable. only if it was for a couple of days though.

“I promise,” Todd answered, bowing his head slightly.

“Deal,” John held his hand out. He ignored the spark of excitement he got from both the idea and, the skin-to-skin contact of shaking Todd’s hand.

~

John had lots of conflicting emotions about the position he was currently in. He and Todd had agreed that he needed to have some sort of idea of how a Worshiper would normally act. Unfortunately, that meant that John found himself on his knees at Todd’s feet. The commander stared down at him, a low purr emerged from his throat which John tried not to notice. He was also trying not to notice the secret part of him that was enjoying this. ‘is just the enzyme’ he insisted with himself.

‘Why do you continue this fight?’ something asked him, and he rubbed his face in response.

The commander’s eyes raked over John's body, “stick your chest out a little more, Worshipers wear their scars with pride, not shame.”

John frowned but, did as Todd asked. He hadn’t realized how bent he was before, “do I get a shirt?”

Todd shook his head, “It’s not typical.”

“Of course…” John breathed out, collapsing in on himself again. He let his knees give way and his body sink to the floor. He felt another wave of panic coming on and, despite his best efforts to swallow it, a choked sob escaped his lips. The mission, the crash, the feeding, it was all becoming a little too much for him.

Todd bent down to regard him, “Sheppard?”

“Leave me alone,’ he answered, screwing his eyes shut.

Todd didn’t leave him alone, in fact, he did the opposite. He sunk his left hand into John's hair and gently raked his scalp with his claws. John couldn’t stop the moan that escaped his lips. He melted into the touch like jelly, keeping his eyes closed but relaxing them. some part of his mind, the miliary part perhaps, called him disgusting for not chopping Todd's hand off there. He shoved that part away.

They went on like that until John finally got a grip back on the situation and slid away from the touch. The commander pulled his hand away and rose then, offered the same hand to help John up and he accepted.

“Thank you…” was all the colonel could say.

“Perhaps you should rest,” Todd offered, extending a hand to the bed.

John welcomed the thought and gladly sunk into the surprisingly human mattress. He fell asleep as soon as he closed his eyes.

Chapter 4: A New Start

Summary:

John finally gets something off his chest and the pair prepare to face a new challenge

A day, John had only been on this hive ship for a day and it already felt like an eternity. In that time, He’d panicked, been pinned down, fed upon, and touched in ways he couldn’t bring himself to hate. Now, there was a new challenge. Their Wraith hosts had requested Todd come to meet with them, and to bring his human worshiper. John couldn’t count the number of times Todd had ran him through how to act.

Kneel at all times, don’t make direct eye contact. Chest out, eyes dull. Worshipers weren’t supposed to react to the things Wraith say.
And, although Todd had assured him that no one would lay a hand on another Wraith’s property, he couldn’t help but feel nervous that rule wouldn’t hold regarding Wraith who weren’t part of their hive.

“Remember that I’m not from this hive,” Todd explained “so they automatically don’t trust me and what I say” His eyes went dark for a moment after that, as if he was remembering something dark. “Don’t be surprised if and when they press for the details of our attack and escape. Do you remember what I said we’re going with?”
John looked up from his position on his knees. He gave Todd the softest, most adoring look he could muster and said quietly “Yes, my lord.” Inside, his stomach flipped, and he wasn’t sure if it was in disgust or…excitement. Either way, he really wasn’t looking forward to this.

Todd’s eyes flashed and his sensory pits flared ever so slightly, “Good,” he managed to get out before a purr arose.
John flushed, he looked back down to Todd’s boots. His heart was beating faster than it ever had before.
The commander was just about to say something when the door slid open and a tall, skinny Wraith officer with shoulder-length white hair entered, accompanied by two drones.

“The council is ready to receive you.” He drolled, narrowing his eyes at John, who shifted nervously.

Todd sank a hand into John's hair and raked his nails over his scalp again. “It's alright” He whispered, “We’re guests.”

John nodded, peering up at Todd with an adoring smile plastered on his face. He hoped it was as convincing as it felt.

The other Wraith growled, “Come, they don’t like being kept waiting.”

~

They walked, John right Behind Todd, keeping his eyes glued to the floor. The longer this went on, the more uncomfortable he became. Thoughts of how horribly wrong things could go ran on repeat. They could be discovered, which would lead to him being eaten. Todd could turn on him, which would lead to him being eaten. Or, they could just cut out the middle man and eat him. So, he had to trust Todd but Todd hadn’t exactly been honest with him so far. Or…least Todd had acted with his own autonomy and created a situation worse than anything John had previously imagined could happen. He sighed mentally at that thought because he knew that Todd was right about it being the only way. Despite his personal feelings, he could see that Todd had made a survival decision as a high-ranking officer and John just had to accept that. And, he had to accept that Todd was, technically, in this situation at least higher ranking than him. In this situation, Todd definitely knew best. But what if-

Todd stopped dead in his tracks and turned around, eyes narrowed. In his mind, he heard the voice again and, this time, he knew whose voice it was;
‘If you worry any harder someone else will hear you’

He turned back around and started walking again, leaving John with little time to process what the hell just happened before he had to run to catch up, earning a confused look from the Wraith officer leading them.

'You can hear my thoughts?!’

‘Ever since the first time I fed upon you. It has only gotten stronger with the second time, especially when coupled with the gift.’

His head was spinning, his heart beat faster, and his legs felt like they’d give out at any moment. It all made sense now, the time before they’d left, the way Teyla had looked at him…oh my god.

‘Stay calm’ Todd basically ordered, ‘focus on me and what I’m thinking’

‘It's kind of hard when you drop a bombshell like that on me!’ had Todd been able to hear everything he’d thought about the past two days as well? The ogling, the freakout, even the… He shuttered, mind spinning again.

‘I hear many things, Sheppard’

‘Get the hell out of my head.’ He snapped, going redder by the minute. The struggle to keep his face happily blissful was increasing and all he really felt like doing right now was pinning the Wraith down and choking the life out of him.

Todd snorted

Face twisting, John tried to slam down the mind block he’d used on other Wraith. Todd caught it, forcing it up and curling claws around John's head that held him there, fast and stuck to the other's inner life. They turned a corner and doors slid open. John gulped.

‘It would be wise to keep me in, Sheppard, this will be a long meeting.’

~

The room was large with a high ceiling and littered with those glowing lights. Thick columns rose up around them and, at the center was a table made of organic material. The moment they stepped in, three Wraith rose from chairs of purple like the ones everywhere else. They all growled, not veiling their annoyance at Todd’s presence at all.

“We are surprised to see you again, kaasaelaja, “The one in the middle said. He was shortish and kind of stokey with braided hair that fell almost to his waist, He was clean shaven and his skin was a darker tint of green than any Wraith John had ever seen.

Todd growled quietly but, spread his arms out and bowed his head respectfully, “It is unfortunate that I must be here at all but, considering the circumstances-“
"Ah yes, your circumstances,“ the Wraith next to the first interrupted, yellow eyes glowing in anticpation, “and what exactly are they again? Your first explanation left much to be asked."

“and much to be answered, “ The last Wraith added.“ John decided to call them Hewy, Dewy, and Lewy in the order in which They’d spoken.

“And why is your Worpshiper still standing“ Lewy snapped “We knew you were soft but, not that soft."

Todd turned around to John, his top lip curled back in annoyance “On your knees,“ He ordered.

John paled and fell to his knees, an apology already on his lips. In his head, however, he was still seething from the pervious events.
Keep calm, he told himself, you can’t kill him if he’s already dead.

’Or you for that matter’ came Todd’s humorous response before he growled at him one more time for good measure and turned his attention back to the three Wraith, “He forgets himself sometimes but," His eyes went to John again and he fixed him with a hungry stare that sent a shiver down John’s spine “I always remind him in the end.“

“Yes, my lord“ John breathed, hoping he wasn't vissably sweating. ’stop head talking to me, bastard’

Todd purred, running his hand through John's hair gently 'ironically, this was probably the best outcome’ he assured him, ignoring John's request.

Satified, the three Wraith sat and, Todd followed suiet, bringing John’s head against his outer thigh and continuing to stroke his hair.

It was so strangely comforting that John wasn’t sure what he was felling so, he just allowed himself to sink into the gesture. It’s all an act, he reminded himself and tried not to think about other things, other actions associated with touching hair. The anger of the incident with finding out Todd was reading his every thought was fading and, it left John with a new idea; if Todd could hear his thoughts at will, could John hear Todd’s? God, there were a lot of questions John could get answered with a little breach in privacy that Todd definitely deserved.

Shit, he hopped the commander hadn’t heard that.

He didn’t appear to have because he only purred slightly. One of Wraith made a disgusted noise which Todd responded to with a growl, hand tightening on John's head slightly.

“Tell us again how it is that you and this, thing, ended up alone on a gateless planet?”

John stiffened under Todd. Should he do it now? Or would that jeopardize the act? Todd wasn’t really paying attention right now so it might be easier…plus, it would give John something else to do besides think very loudly about how nice Todd’s claws and big hands felt on his hair…

Todd smirked and tugged at John's brown locks in response. John did his best not to enjoy it.

The commander gave the three Wraith all a once over, “My crew and I were traveling on three cruisers, going to cull a nearby planet.” To John, he said, ‘whatever you do, do not react to anything I say.’

John nodded ever so slightly, not really paying attention, he was going to do it.

“Go on” Lewy snapped.

“We were attacked by a hive ship above the planet you found us on…all three of my ships went down. We were lucky that the planet had a gate at all.”

He reached out with his mind, the way Todd had done, and found a barrier. He closed his eyes and focused on the idea of getting through it. It was soft, almost bubblegum-like in structure, and, to his surprise, he moved in quite easily.

Success

He frowned, grappling for something to catch, but nothing seemed to be leaping out into his waiting hands. He was starting to get nervous.
“That’s it? that is a weak explanation, kaasaelaja."

“It is not all.” Todd said gravely “I ordered my men to escape in darts through the stargate. At first, I thought my ship might hold so my mate and I stayed on board.” His sensory puts flared “But, It did not and I was forced to flee minutes after my crew. By the time I got to the stargate, it was closed, and the dial was blown to oblivion.”

Mate? The idea snapped John's concentration and, in doing that, gave Todd the idea that John was somewhere he wasn’t supposed to be. The walls slammed down, and John was thrown out with a force that made his head spin. Todd's hand ran down to John's jaw and seized it painfully. John whimpered, cursing internally. ‘Do not take advantage of me, Sheppard.’ He snarled mentally.

“Your…mate?” Hewy accused.

“It is not unheard of” Todd retorted, eyes shining. He was ridged now, his hand did not return to casually stroking.

John had to physically fight the anger bubbling up inside him, and the urge to pull away from Todd’s hash grip. How dare he act like that when he’d done so much bullshit without asking before-

‘Quiet, you are thinking too loudly for me to think.’ It was cold, angry, like the male in the bunker had been.

‘I’m going to shoot you when we get back to Atlantis.’ He promised, with all the anger of prior promises to do the same.

“Very well,” Hewy taunted “I do not believe you.”

“What?” Todd’s hand left John's head as he rose, multitoned voice booming throughout the room. Instantly, both human and Wraith were pulled from their quarrel.

Hewy scowled “We found Lantean supplies near your camp.”

John's stomach dropped.

Todd paused, John could almost feel the wave of panic that washed over him or, was it his own?

“The Lanteans do not even know I am alive,” He said, voice too calm for the direness of the situation, “whatever you found was purely…accidental.” The tinge of humor at the end felt very wrong.

“Hmm” Hewy growled “Then you won’t mind if you ask your mate about what happened?”

“No-“ John was saying but Todd covered his mouth and hissed lightly, John froze

“Forgive him, he does not like to be interrogated by Wraith.” Todd snarled.

The moment of silence after that was deafening. John could only focus on his breath and the feel of Todd’s left hand covering his mouth. Through their mental bond, he could clearly feel the terror in the commander. It chilled him. And, surprised him that the commander was letting him in like that.

“Then we shall throw you out into space.” He paused, the room hanging on what he would say next “For now, lock them up.”

~

They were thrown into the small cell exactly like ones John had been locked in serval times before. But, this time it was different. Not only were none of his friends here but, John could guess the cage was reinforced to prevent Todd from being able to escape.

Todd…John shuttered when he remembered his companion. This…This was too similar, he felt a heavy, crushing weight inside him that made it a bit hard to breath. His naked chest burned in anticipation.

Todd slammed his left hand against the back wall of the cell and roared. Through their mental link, John’s head was filled with the loudness noise he’d ever heard. A mishmash of emotions, of thoughts and of decisions. He jumped back, fear running up his spine.

Todd eyed him, yellow orbs glowing even in the low light. He said nothing, the rage in Johns mind was more than enough context. Still, he found himself wanting to speak and so, he did. Despite everything, despite the hopelessness, he asked:

“They called you kaasaelaja,” the word was awkward on his human tongue “Is that…your name?”

“No” Todd growled “It is an insult, it means traitor in your tongue, sympathizer in ours.”

“Sympathizer?” He echoed.

Todd looked at him for a long moment. There was something in his mind, John could feel it. He reached out and-

Todd was coming at him so fast that he didn’t have time to doge. The commander rammed him up against the closest wall, mind barrier coming down stronger now.
“Do not” He hissed; eyes wide as he lifted John off the ground by his shirt “enter me when I do wish to share.”

John stared at him, eyes equally as wide. Panic welled in his chest, his scar burned hotter and a lump forming in his throat. He couldn’t breathe again.
“L-Let me down” He shoved out pathetically, his eyes stung with the threat of tears, pleading with the commander.

John expected Todd to drop him but, instead, the Wraith sighed and lowered him gently, varying him all the way to the floor where he curled up, hiding his face from yellow eyes.

It was a long time before a low, multitoned voice responded “I did not mean-“

“Shut the hell up, Todd.” John snapped “And don’t fucking touch me.” He blinked back more tears “Not…in here”

He felt claws against him again. For a moment he considered shutting them out but, he didn’t have the mental energy nor the desire to stop what he would have to explain out loud otherwise. In that split second, he allowed himself to shove every last thought and feeling of Koyla, prison, the nonconsensual feeding, Todd’s refusal to talk about it, onto the Wraith. He let him feel the trauma and it all was accompanied by a wracked sob that forced its way out of John's throat. In an instant he was shaking, his hidden eyes dripping with tears. Years of emotion, an old wound, were open to view.

“Oh…” Todd replied lowly “I didn’t know it affected you so much, Sheppard,” His voce was soft and understanding.

“How could you?” John accused “You won’t even talk about it.” His voice was shaky, his body hurt.

“You are not the only one it affects…” Todd whispered.

“Neither are you.”

~

It was silent for a while, then Todd stood and made his way over to Johns. He sat next to him and gently placed his left hand on John's head. John didn’t flinch away, he didn’t have the will.

“Koyla turned me into an animal, Sheppard” He began “I wish I could tell you everything right now but…as you have boundaries, so do I…and I am not ready.”

John raises his head, annoyance in his puffy eyes, “If I’m going to respect your boundaries, you have to respect mine.” He said evenly, touching his bare chest which was finally starting to hurt less, “which means telling me the goddam plan before you carry it out, and not,” he paused “and not…reading my thoughts when I don’t want you to.”

Todd’s gaze softened and his hand fell from John's head almost respectfully, “I’ll do my best-“

“No you’ll do it,” he said icily, “Because we’re teammates right now and that’s how teams work.”

John could feel Todd mulling that over and, he was supprised that Todd had opened his head even that little bit.

Finally, he nodded, “Alright, no more surprises.”

“Thank you” John sighed, letting his eyelids close. The relief of finally standing up for himself was so great that he forgot his previous anger and now he just wanted to sleep. The emotions he was feeling must have still been sending to Todd because, when the commander wrapped an arm around him and pulled him against his chest, John didn’t say a word.

Todd didn’t let him sleep though. There was only peace for a few minutes before he said tensely, “Sheppard, we need to get out of here.”

“I know” John groaned lightly, pulling off of Tod and rubbing his eyes, “They’re only going to let us go if we prove ourselves,”

Todd knew what John was thinking before he said it “No, they’ll discover us.”

“They won’t, I’ve blocked out lots of Wraith before,”

“But this time you have to let them in” Todd argued “You’d have to lie in your mind.”

John looked up at him with a hard expression “We don’t have a choice…there’s no way for us to escape and we’re days away from a stargate, they’ll kill us if we don’t try anyways…"

Todd looked him up and down, eyes shining “Are you sure?”

“Yes”

He sighed, rising slowly “Then I won’t stand in your way."

Notes:

Finally, some real communication between these two, get ready for it to get a lot heavier :)

And of course, thank you all for all the support, comments, and kudos!

Chapter 5: Confessions

Summary:

The pair have a heart to heart about Todd's past and how their shared imprisonment affects their relationship.

Notes:

This one was tough. A lot of world-building went into this chapter. Hope you enjoy this character interaction heavy chapter!

Hewy came a little later with two drones, maybe the same ones from before but John wasn’t sure. His heart was beating too fast to care.

‘I have to get this right’ echoed in his mind. A lot depended on him at least delaying the execution so that he and Todd could find a way to escape.

“One last chance, Kaasaleja,” Hewy snarled with undue hate. John shuttered. He’d never get used to the way these creatures looked.

Todd growled, eyes narrowed in response and he looked to John. They locked eyes for a long moment before Todd reached up and put his right hand directly on John's scar. His breath hitched. He kept a steady gaze on Todd. For once, he didn’t want to run.

“I have agreed,” The commander drew his hand down John's muscular chest before pulling away, leaving John’s breath caught in his throat. “But” Todd turned his eyes to Hewy and snarled menacingly “if he is damaged, there will be no number of Wraith great enough to prevent the destruction of your hive.”

Hewy laughed at that, it sounded nothing like Todd’s laugh. Todd’s wasn’t so sinister…so unnerving. John unconsciously took a step back. Todd caught his arm and gave him a pointed look.

‘Good luck, Sheppard’ “Do exactly what they say.”

‘I’ll do it, I have to’ “Yes, my lord.”

‘I hope, for my sake as well’

Hewy had long since stopped laughing and, when the doors slid open and two drones grabbed John by the arms, he was fixing Todd with an unnerving stare, “If you’re lying, I’ll drain this creature myself, and then present you to the Primary for an afternoon snack,” He paused “assuming she’ll touch you.”

John gulped, he really had to get this right.

~

John was thrown into and forced to kneel, in a small room with no furniture. It was unnervingly dim, even when his eyes adjusted to what little light there was.

A female Wraith stood across from him, she must have been the Queen. Her hair was long, and blonde which was a surprise. Her skin was pale, more grey than green. Like any Queen, she had an eerie sense of command about her that made John’s heart pick up. He looked away from her instinctively. He could already feel her sharp claws on his mind.

‘Focus on the mission’ he told himself. His mind kept drawing back to the moment of contact in the cell. The echo of Todd’s touch lingered on his bare skin.

“They saw you and the traitorous Wraith are…mates,” she snarled mockingly, stepping closer, and drawing him out of his trance “is that true?”

He nodded, trying not to let the anxiety show.

She purred, cocking her hand to one side and dragging her gaze up and down his exposed body. He shivered.

John filled his mind with all the thoughts he’d had of Todd. Every good thing, every physical response that was romantic in nature. He focused on the touch just moments before. Something about the tender way Todd’s hand had covered his scar felt more intimate than any kiss he’d shared with a woman. He could only hope it was enough

It seemed to because the queen growled in disgust and retreated, “Of course, he was always soft on you humans.”

He blushed at that for real and looked away.

“There is something about you that I cannot place,” she stated, elongating the words in a way that made John feel like prey caught in a trap. “I’ve seen many humans, many worshipers but, none as clear-headed as you.”

Her mental claws dragged down his mind painfully, he winced, feeling woozy. This was a lot harder than usual.

“What is it about your mind that makes you so…special?” She purred.

He said nothing to that, keeping his jaw locked and eyes to the ground. The less he said, the better.

She huffed with disappointment “Tell me of the attack,” She slid her hand onto John's cheek and cupped it cruelly, yanking his head toward her. He locked his eyes onto hers, refusing to be intimidated.

This was it, he told himself, the part where he really had to lie. Keeping his gaze steady, he said; “It’s just like the commander said…we were attacked,” he filled his mind with images of cruisers being destroyed. The blast that accompanied the destruction of a ship and, the rubble it left afterward. “all three of his cruisers were targeted by a surprise attack,” hives coming out of hyperspace danced around his mind and into the Queen’s waiting claws. He could sense her digging deeper and, despite his instincts, he let her in.

She smirked, squeezing his jaw tightly, “continue, human.”

“W-We…” John let his breath hitch for effect and squeezed his eyes shut like the memory was painful, “W-We barely made it out alive” His point of view during his escape on a dart that one time filled him. He let the panic of not understanding how to fly one, translate to the panic of losing a home.

“Hmm” she clicked her sharp teeth together and withdrew her hand “and what of the Lantean ship?”

John froze, he’d been hoping she wouldn’t ask that question. What could he say to that that would be convincing? And something Todd might not have admitted the first time…before he could stop it, he was watching Jumpers attack Wraith ships and, that’s when the idea came to him. Focusing as hard as he could, he let pretend fear and confusion wash over him. Let himself see the panic of Wraith he’d seen before and, the triumph of an enemy beating a foe. John forced Rodney, Teyla, Ronan, and the others out of his mind, replacing them with unknown figures. He chose the next words carefully, keeping in mind what Todd would have to work with
“It attacked us…” he forced himself to shutter “The hive ship that attacked us, it was working with the Lanteans.”

“Your mate said nothing of this!” The Queen roared. John could feel her disgust through their small mental link.
He made himself shrink back, “H-He was ashamed to have been beaten by them…you…you know…him”

“Ashamed?” The Queen made a noise that sounded like a laugh, “yes, his old allies picking him off is…amusing.” She backed away from John, “Very well, there appears to be some truth to what you say.”

John couldn’t stop his smile but he did his best to make it look giddy. “We can go free?” Hope dangled over a cliff just beyond his reach and he stretched to grab it.

“No.”

He tumbled down the cliffside and into the rushing waters below, “W-What?”

She bared her teeth “In honor of the alliance, we won’t kill you until we know you’re lying, and no human can resist Primary. She snapped her fingers and two Drones rushed in, the seized John by the arms started to drag him out.

“No! We need to get back!” He fought against them, failing to no avail as they pulled him from the room and down dark, musty corridors.

One drone opened the cell door while the other shoved him in and to the ground where he landed at Todd’s feet. The door shut with a bang. John groaned; he was getting to his feet when Todd pulled him by the arm to face him

“What happened?” he demanded, eyes shining.

“They didn’t buy it” John spat back, wrestling his arm free. He was getting sick of Wraith grabbing him by the arms. “They’re taking us to whatever the Primary is.”
“So you failed,” Todd growled, arms folding menacingly.

“No, I saved us from early execution and bought us some time to escape.”

“Escape?” the commander echoed; an expression of amusement mixed with anger on his green face

John looked at him quizzically “What, you’re going to let yourself die?” He better not act like he did in the bunker.

“Perhaps…” The commander grunted, leaning against the wall “It is time.”

John couldn’t believe what he was hearing, again, for the second time in three years. “Great,” He threw his hands up. “Just my luck that I get imprisoned with the only suicidal Wraith in the galaxy, twice. What are you going to do? Wait until I’m on death's door again to agree to living?”

Todd brought his left hand to his forehead and sighed “What is it with you and confidence, what do you not understand about hopeless. situations. Sheppard.” He snarled the last part, looking at John through narrowed eyes.

“What is it with you and giving up?! One minute you're saying we need to get out, the next your acting like a wounded animal!” the colonel shouted back, “It's like dragging a dead man uphill!”

“You are naive and foolish. Reckless.” Todd said evenly “and young.”

“And you’re old, jaded and a pain in the goddamn ass! No wonder your hive attacked you!” John regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. He jumped back, half expecting Todd to come at him but, the commander didn’t move. In fact, he didn’t speak for quite a while. He just stood there, looking at John with alien contempt.

At long last, he got up off the wall and, in two strides joined their distance. They were so close that John had to crane his neck back to look him in the eyes.

“If you have something to stay to me.” Came his low, multitoned voice, “then say it and leave me in peace.”

John gulped, his heart was beating out of his chest and he suddenly felt very exposed, vulnerable, and weak.

Todd cocked his head, keeping his gaze steadily enraged.

“I’m…” John couldn’t force the apology out, he couldn’t force anything out.

“Yes, and you never could,” Todd answered his thoughts.

“Todd-“

“Very well,” The commander interrupted. He sat in the middle of the floor, at John's feet, “ Since it will obviously do no good to plead my case, I’m going to be your “teammate” and tell you the truth.” The last part was mocking, an echo of John’s words earlier that day.

“What?”

“Sit down and shut up, Todd ordered.

John gave him a weird look. Did he really have to humor this male? The last time he’d done that he’d ended up getting fed upon in the woods.

“Last chance” Todd informed, “You can either let me talk or we can spend our last few days in silence.”

John glared at him, not happy with how familiar this was. Still, he thought he probably owed it to the Wraith so, he tentatively sat down. The sudden change in Todd’s demeanor was creeping him out.

They sat together, three feet apart and in silence until Todd spoke. He sounded older, wearier than a second ago.

“I was young, perhaps two thousand years old when the original Lanteans woke us.”

John tried to ask a question but Todd held his right hand up to stop him, “You will have many questions, Sheppard, I ask that you leave them until the end.”

“Okay…” did that mean Todd was twelve thousand years old? It wasn’t impossible.

“Good.” He looked John over before continuing, “I was the Commander of my Hive, and it was one of the most formidable beasts in space.” The ghost of a smile crossed his face before his expression went dark. “We were a match for the Lanteans but, they were also a match for us. Ship by ship we, my species, lost hundreds, perhaps thousands of soldiers. Not just drones, but workers and officers. Some of them I knew...” He looked at John with a fondness that took the colonel aback. “I was young, like you, and so idealistic. So…confidant and trusting. I loved my team, my Hive, like you do yours. I wanted a better future for them and my species. You think love is alien to me, don’t you, Sheppard?”

John’s cheeks burned with shame. He nodded. He couldn’t imagine a Wraith loving anything besides food.

“Then you’d surprised at how much passion drove me back then.” He sat back lightly, eyeing John with a lazy but, predatory stare. “I wanted peace between our kinds. I thought that, with the gift, Wraith and humans could form an agreement that would end the bloodshed on both sides of the war. We could do what I do with you, Feed and then restore.”

Johns eyes widened, “Is that why they call you k-“

“Yes, but I’m not finished.”

“Right…sorry…”

Todd closed his eyes and, John felt him reaching out mentally. The colonel let his walls drop and Todd enveloped him.

“I started sneaking information to the Lanteans, in exchange for a promise of a treaty if they won the war.” As he spoke, John's head filled with images of a younger Wraith with sleek, long sliver hair free of matting. He had brighter green skin, his face was smooth and the star tattoo on his left eye’s ink was darker, fresher. He stood tall a proud, every muscle visible under the tight raven coat he wore. He was speaking, no, pleading with Lantean men and women. It was Todd.

Three men and five women stood across from him at a sleek white table that projected a holographic map of a Wraith hive from the center.

“And you give this…free of charge?” One in the middle asked. Clearly the leader. Her long brown hair shaped her face delicately and her outfit seemed to hug her a little tighter than the rest. It was a different style to the ones Elizabeth had described. She also wore a silver, woven metal head dress with a large white jewel that rested on her forehead. Probably some kind of technology.

“No,” Todd responded “It is a peace offering, so that you may agree to make peace with us at the end of the war. I can help you win it if you agree to that.”

The woman looked at him quizzically but, did not laugh, “We must confer.”

John was, at once, yanked out of the memory and back to Todd’s real voice. It was definitely aged, just like the rest of him. Rodney had been wrong to some extent, about the aging process of Wraith. It was much slower but, Todd had definitely aged. What part of that was due to stress, war and pain was unknown.

“They agreed, so long as I and a small group of officers I’d gathered continued to give them tide changing information. Slowly, as I became more bold, the opperation grew. It got harder then, to deliver information. My group and I had to be more careful, there were so many of us and so much that could go wrong...but nothing ever did. For years we passed along information about hives, outposts, nurseries, and the like. My operation grew so large that at the height of it, every major hive had at least one member on my side. I even got a Queen involved.” As he spoke, John experienced the same pride Todd was remembering, it was eerie.

“So what happened then? Were you were discovered?” John asked, forgetting the rule again. His mind was going a mile a minute trying to keep up.

Todd’s eyes flashed “No, the Attero Device was created.”

“The-“

“It was a weapon, created by the Lanteans to disrupt Wraith hyperdrive frequencies and blow us up upon entrance into hyperspace.” His voice was low and angry.

John's mind filled with screams, and the sound of explosions. Hundreds of ships shattering like ice in the vastness of space. And the emotion he felt, the grief that tore through him was like nothing else he’d ever experience. It was straight from Todd heart.

He wobbled, squeezing his eyes shut and clamping his hands over his ears until the noise finally died down and he was back in the cell again.
“Jesus Christ, why the hell didn’t we win the war then?”

The commander glared at him.

John frowned, “Right…uh, sorry about your ships…”

Todd shook his head impatiently, “The device also blew up stargates, it killed thousands of humans before the Lantean’s discovered that fact.”

The colonel’s stomach sank “Oh my God…”

“Indeed” Todd growled, “When my allies found out, they were furious, they turned on me before I could even begin to wrap my head around what was happening. They reported me to my Queen and I was stripped of all my titles…” He shuttered “Anyone who had ever worked with me on the project was either outcast, killed or if they were lucky and high ranking, allowed to stay in the hive as a low level solider. Almost all of the ones that had that option took it. I was supposed to be killed but, one officer that still believed in my cause helped me to escape. He was…executed I believe.”

John was thrown, full throttle, into a dark, wet and cold room with a spotlight shining directly onto his face. It was so bright that it made him sweat despite the chill. This time, this memory, he wasn’t seeing Todd, he was Todd. He could feel it in the way his muscles moved, his strong sense of smell, sharp sight, and hearing. Every emotion: the fear, the anger, the hurt, it all gut-punched him so hard that he doubled over in real life. It was agony. The pain of losing a life, a network, and friends overwhelmed his senses.

A group of Wraith, five, sat on a high pedestal above John, Todd really. They looked down on him in disgust and one boomed something about execution. He couldn’t move his hands; they were chained together with heavy irons. His body was heavy, it was painful to breathe. He hadn’t eaten in so long…

John gasped when Todd grasped his shoulders, yanking back to the real world. The harsh intrusion of light stung his eyes, and it took more than a few moments for him to recover.

“What the hell are you doing to me?” He mumbled once he could form a coherent thought.

“Getting you to understand” Todd cupped John’s cheek with his left hand, John leaned into the gesture. The anger in him had long since faded.

Once Todd thought John was back enough, he continued, “I spent the majority of the next ten thousand years earning back a good reputation. Well…” He sighed, “A reputation at all. “I’m a leader by nature, I was born to be a high-ranking officer”

“Wraith have birthrights?” he snorted.

“We have classes; drones, workers, officers, and queens.” He looked down at John, “Not every Wraith that’s not a drone has the capacity to lead.”

“So what you’re saying is that you managed to get a hive under your control because it's your nature?” that was strangely fitting.

“In short, yes,” he sighed “No one trusted me for a long time, I had to wait several thousand, lonely years before I managed to meet a hive that didn’t associate me with the war…”

“Wait, back up” he frowned “two things…Wrath have classes? And…You were…an ally…of the Lanteans?” It wasn’t hard to believe, but it floored him anyways. So much of Todd’s behavior was explained with that fact. His patience, his relative humanity, the way that other Wraith talked about him. It was all there. And he was old…about twelve thousand years old. John must seem like an infant to him…

“I was an ally of peace, Sheppard. I still am or wouldn’t have restored your life after we escaped the bunker.” He had a twinkle in his eye when he said, “You are entirely too trusting when you’re desperate.”

John blushed, then shook his head to clear it “Your grand plan to get allies was to trick and manipulate me?”

He shrugged, “We would have died if I hadn’t fed again.”

John knew Todd was right, it’d been the right move. He was a commander…it was in the way he carried himself, the way he expected others to agree and submit to his demands and, the way he wasn’t afraid to ask John and Atlantis for help. He reminded John of a more pleasant General O’Neill.

Todd chuckled, hand falling from John's cheek.

“G-Get out of my head” John stammered, and Todd chuckled again.

Things were beginning to click. The colonel knew plenty of eighty- and ninety-year-old veterans that had a similar, jaded view of the world to Todd’s. John could only guess that Todd’s age was equivalent to that. He could grasp Todd’s exhaustion and, his indifference about whether he lived or survived when he was faced with the prospect.

There was still one question sitting in the back of his mind. What had Todd wanted to tell him before the attack?

“Todd?” John asked hesitantly, “what…did you want to tell me before your crew attacked you?”

The commander let out a long breath. “Humans remember quite well for a species with such a short life span.”

“It was four days ago”

“Still” he sat up a little straighter, looking down at John with apprehension. “There isn’t much more I need hide from you…and I suppose you have the right to know.”
In Todd’s head, John could hear faint whispers of ideas, of hopes. ‘This is what we share’ ‘you got to end the man who caused us both so much pain, understand my motives too’ what surprise John the most was that Todd wasn’t pushing him away.

“It's about Koyla, isn’t it?” he said cautiously, not wanting to upset the commander any more than he already had.

“It is,” Todd said darkly.

John reached out with his mind to embrace the panic in Todd’s, “You can talk to me about Koyla.” The words felt awkward, this whole emotions deal felt awkward and horrible in general. Hearing about what happened ten thousand years ago was one thing. Talking about a traumatizing event that happened less than two years ago was a whole different deal, especially when it also involved John. The colonel had never don’t anything like it before, even when he was in the military on earth. There he’d tried to avoid talking about any sort of experience he and a team had shared. He’d never spoken a word to a normal person about the details of what had got him dishonorably discharged, not even to defend himself.

On the other hand, Todd’s mind told him that the commander was really not looking forward to this either so, at least they were equally as uncomfortable.

Some of that must have gotten to Todd because the commander relaxed slightly. “Your team has called me manipulative in the past, they are right.”
John frowned, “What?” Not what he was expecting. Their moment of peace was slipping away.

“What I wanted to tell you…I hoped that you would understand…” He hissed slightly, “The nursery we were going to belongs to the hive that I lived in before Koyla Imprisoned me.”

“What?” Alarm bells were already going off that this was one of Todd’s tricks.

“I told you that I had to build my reputation and that the hive I found didn’t know me. Well, one of their allies did.” His gaze darkened, “they told my Queen of my past…I was knocked from my position again…I was only allowed to stay in the hive because of my age and the knowledge it brought…and because these Wraith also had human allies.

“The Genii” the words flew out of John's mouth before he could stop them.

“Yes…the Genii.”

“Oh my God.” He growled, “are you serious?” He pulled away from the commander.” What the hell?” So it was just another lie, another trick to get John to do what he wanted without asking or even consulting him. Like John wouldn’t have understood at the beginning. Like he wasn’t even there.

“Sheppard-“

“No, shut up,” he snapped, rising to his feet. “That’s why you let us come along to destroy the nursey, isn’t it?”

“It was, it was the only thing I could do.”

“No, It wasn’t.” He began to pace the length of the cell, boots stomping against the cold floor in anger. “You could have told me before we set off. You should have told Woolsey, but you really should have told me.”

Todd got to his feet as well, his stance was defensive. “You and your team have not been the most welcoming.” He turned around and joined his hands together like they were cuffed by a bar, “look familiar?”

John stopped, briefly, to regard him but, instead of anger, he felt the tight bonds of rope on his hands, legs, and a gag in his mouth. Too familiar. He felt light-headed.

“Exactly. I know how being locked up makes you feel. It aches, right there,” he turns back and pointed to John’s scar’s, the colonel instinctively covered them. “How do you think being shoved in your prison makes me feel? Do you think it burns, Sheppard? Because it does worse. Atlantis but, most disappointing, you, treat me the way he did.”

“I’m nothing like-“

Todd shook his head “You are. I wanted to trust you, but this was my only chance. I couldn’t…”

“I would have vouched for you like I did anyways.” John pleaded, but shame was growing in him. Todd was right, they were just as awful to him as Koyla had been. They’d starved him, caged him, questioned him, threatened to kill him. All the questions that Kept John up at night were coming to a head and all he wanted to do was run.

“I couldn’t know that for sure.” It was a low growl. “They used me in a peace exchange, Sheppard. For one year I was to live among the Genii while one of their own lived among my kind. Then Koyla threw me in a cell where I spent the next decade. No Wraith came for me. No one came for me, again.”

John started at him, pieces and truth coming together. And, a laughable thought. Todd was sacred. It was in his eyes, his body movements and, it was screaming across his mind. The commander had been afraid to tell Atlantis.

He felt sick, and not just because of the memories of that cell. He could imagine, almost sense the pain of the ordeal, the hatred and grief that had stewed in Todd for a decade. It must have seemed like an eternity, even for someone so old. No wonder…

“I get it…” He settled on, he couldn’t contextualize anything else.

Todd stared at Jon and John stared at Todd, taking him in the way he was’ exhausted, bent, solid, enraged, and frightened of losing allies. He couldn’t think with everything he’d just been told. Koyla had been working with Wraith? The Genii at all worked with Wraith? God, Laden must have had more than just political aspirations, he probably wanted Koyla out so the Genii weren’t connected to their enemy. And he really couldn’t think with all these new emotions Todd was throwing his way.

All these questions, it was too much to handle, too much to ask. Instead, John reached out with his mind, “Show me,” he whispered and closed his eyes.

The barrier the colonel pushed against dropped and he went sailing in. When he opened his eyes he was standing in the middle of the bunker cell Todd had been in. It was damp, cold, and dark but, through Wraith vision he could see clear as day. The body he was inside of was scratching, yanking at the iron bars, and yelling for Koyla to face him. A power bolt of electricity sent him flying back against the cell wall where his head cracked. The pain of a fractured stull tore through him, the laughs of nearby guards in olive green uniforms and stupid hats. only humiliating him further.

With a gasp and a scream, John was back in his own body with Todd gripping him tight by the arms. His vision was hazy, his speech slurred but, he managed to get out “Again”

A cattle prod jabbed him roughly as he was escorted down a familiar hallway. His feet hit stone paths that matched the walls. This time, the overwhelming sensation was hunger, a hunger so deep that his body could barely move on its own. The only thought in his mind was of food, there was food where he was going.

The men brought him into the room John had been fed upon in. In the chair he’d sat in, was a young woman in her twenties. She was screaming for help through a gag and trying desperately to yank the chair away from the approaching Wraith. Koyla was there, about a decade younger and even crueler looking.

“This is your last chance to cooperate with us, Chancellor.” It was echoey, hunger was taking him over.

She shook her head violently.

“That’s a shame” Koyla growled and nodded to the guards. John hissed hungrily. If he could tell the women how sorry he was…

Again, he was yanked from the memory and back into Todd’s arms. He felt delirious, ill, and exhausted. He vaguely noticed that Todd’s arms were fully wrapped around him, his body weight supporting the human male.

“…A…Again” He stammered but Todd shook his head.

“No more, it is too painful for me as well.” He helped John to the hard ground and let the colonel’s head lay on his lap, a hand on his hair but not moving.

And now John understood. He got the picture. Every lash out, every decision. The turmoil in Todd’s mind finally made sense. The male had been betrayed for wanting peace. Scratch that, he’d been tortured for wanting peace. John knew little about Wraith minds but, he got the sense that Wraith liked being around each other, hearing each other's thoughts. Rodney had even speculated that the reason Wraith didn’t have human names was because they operated so much within a mental sphere that they didn’t need them. John felt even more ashamed of what he’d said and, for other things he’d said and done to Todd over the years. All those things that he’d never do or say to a human ally. What it came down to was that Todd had always tried to be Atlantis’s ally, and no one on Atlantis had so much a thanked him for that

“I’m sorry…” He mumbled.

“Hmm?” Todd looked down at him with waiting eyes.

Inhaling, he repeated, “I’m sorry.”

The commander let out a low purr and ran his nails along John’s scalp rhythmically in approval.

John sighed, relaxing into it and closing his eyes.

“Now you see,” Todd said after a little, “why I wish to die if I can’t destroy those who harmed me.”

John snorted lightly, opening one eye. He wasn’t going to let the Wraith off that easy. “You’re a pessimist,” he mumbled, “when we get out of here, we’re going to blow those bastards to pieces.”

Todd huffed in amusement “What makes you so sure?”

“I just am”

“There’s no rescue team this time, Sheppard. It is only us, alone in a bunker. We can't win this fight, we might as well just give up."

“You forgot horribly outmatched” John added with a tint of humor, eyes flicking open and shut. “It’s exactly my style.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever understand you,”

“Maybe not but, we don’t have to understand each other to be friends.”

They locked eyes and, the way Todd looked at him then made John wish he was brave enough to call them something more.

Chapter 6: A Way Out/Coming Closer

Summary:

The pair share in a feeding ritual and, discover that their only way off the ship lies entirely in someone else's hands.

“If we’re going to do this…you know I need to feed” Todd whispered.

“I know,” John whispered back gravely, trying to push the sick feeling down.

The two males were huddled against the back wall of their cell, planning. John had all but passed out last night after their conversion, leaving the two with several lost hours of time. They were going to have to think of something fast. John had already been through everything he told the Queen, twice to make sure Todd and him were on the same page. The commander had been impressed with John’s quick thinking in explaining away the puddle jumper.
“I will be gentle.” He put his hand on John's shoulder.

“I know…” John swallowed, trying not to react to the touch, “I know that now…”

“Hmm” His hand fell away, “It would be unwise to try and escape before we know that there is a gate nearby.”

“Which will be where? We’re in empty space."

Todd shook his head “There’s no way to tell” He looked from side to side and lowered his voice until it was almost inaudible, “It would have to be once we’ve landed where we’re going.”

John snorted “I’m all for daring escapes but, without help that’s impossible.”

Todd shook his head, “There’s someone…here who might be able to help.”

John’s eyebrow’s shot up “Someone from your old network?

“Unfortunately…” His voice was a growl, “he is one of the ones who interrogated us. We were close once, he was my second…he may be persuaded to help me once more.”

“Help us jailbreak?”

“Exactly, and escort us enough of the way so that when we run, it's closer to a dart.”

John felt uneasy at the idea of consorting with a Wraith who could have them drained for asking but, the pair didn’t have much choice or any choice. He nodded reluctantly, “How are we going to convince him?”

Todd scanned him with slitted eyes, “While you were out someone came by to tell me that I have an audience with him…” He grimaced, “I will try then and, if you are willing, you may attend through our mental link.”

John was something more than shocked at that moment, “We can do that?”

“After a third feeding, yes, it should work."

John gulped, hand going to his still naked chest. He wasn’t sure if he was shivering from the prospect, or from the cold, “Do we have to…?”

“I promised I would not hurt you,” Todd insisted, “I do not wish for your only feeding experiences to be…” He searched for the right word, “Done under necessity, clinical. Not when it can be…something much more” his slits flare when he said it, posture leaning forward a little.

John looked him over for a long while, weighing the idea against his better judgment, better judgment losing to the spark in his stomach that seemed to crave, and dread, at the same time. The promise of something more…

“Alright…” he grit his teeth “It's not like you didn’t say…” his heart was hammering in his chest, his body suddenly aware of every part of himself.

Todd stalked forward, breath heavy and eyes open, alert. As he got closer, John instinctively backed away, finding himself pressed up against the wall, eyeing his companion nervously.

Todd’s left hand drew up to the Colonel’s flushed cheek, his scrutinizing stare boring holes into John's mind, “I promise…” He dragged his hand down John's body to wrap his arm around the man’s waist in an embrace that had John turning his head away in shame over how sensual it was.

Something pooled in the Colonel’s stomach, something that wasn’t fear.

Todd’s feeding hand slid up his waist tenderly, finding its place directly on John's scar. John forced himself to hold Todd’s gaze, forced himself to keep his eyes open to assert his equal standing in this exchange.

Todd let out a low purr and his slits flared. John felt a mind move against his

“I can share with you,” Todd mumbled, “It will hurt less if you feel my pleasure.”

His brow furrowed, “Won’t…that also transfer my pain to you?”

Todd looked surprised at the question, “It is only fair, Sheppard.”

John eyed him, trying to look scrutinizing but, he probably just looked grateful. He nodded weakly, mind spinning and bouncing between the instinct to run and the anticipation of being this close to the other male…so close that he could see his muscles contacting under that black coat.

He flushed, forcing that out of his mind before he let Todd in.

The invade was gentle, just like the commander’s caress. Todd wrapped his mind around John’s and let John do the same. They melded, as two might meld in a kiss.

Todd purred again, voice ringing through the haze ‘Brace yourself’

John had scarcely more than a second to do so before Todd’s hand-mouth latched onto his flesh and drew.

The Colonel’s mouth was quickly covered by his own hand, morphing his scream of agony into pained gasps. Todd pressed his body against the organic wall to support his weight. The torrent that came was nothing short of a confusing myriad of emotions and sensations. John was caught between the suffering of the drain and, Todd’s overwhelming ecstasy as he fed. It was like eating a fine roast after starving for two weeks, like eating a hot meal at home after months of army rations. The two sensations coursed through his body as one, melding them together and leaving him gasping, whimpering. His other hand yanked the Wraith close by the waist almost involuntarily. Todd let himself be yanked, he let John’s head fall against his shoulder, John’s own hand still pressed to his jaw. God, it felt amazing, John couldn’t even begin to grasp how Todd must feel when he fed, what the unmuted, pure sensation must be like.

Slowly, the torrent faded into a steady thrum of pain, weariness, and exhaustion. John’s body went limp against the commander, not able to stand on his own.

Todd chuckled, and detached his hand from John’s flesh, earning a muffled groan from the Colonel. The commander hulled him up against the wall, pinning his heavy body up with hard, taut muscles. His hungry eyes scanning John’s aged body. His pupils were dilated, his skin somehow looked flushed under all that green.

“Good?” John mused hoarsely; his vocal cords revealed how old he must appear.

“Mmm” Todd purred and butterflies swarmed in John’s stomach. There was something in him that was a little proud, just a little.

“Ready to get back on your feet?”

“Does it…does it hurt? To do that…?”

“No,” Todd ran a hand through John’s grey locks, “It is a most cherished sensation we only share with humans we value.”

"Our most devout Worshipers," John echoed from years ago.

"And our brother's" Todd replied, saying brother in a completely unbiological sounding way.

A blush crept up the face at the bluntness, he turned his head away, “J-Just…hurry up, I’m not feeling too good here.”

“Of course,” The hand mouth slid up to his neck, fingers spread and teeth latched onto the scar there. John winced, then gasped something glorious when he felt his life force return.

It wasn’t like anything John had ever felt before. The feeling of cells coming back to life, his body returning to power and muscle, to youth. It was a million times better than any sex he’d ever had. He had to cover his mouth again to stop himself from moaning as the indescribable sensation of life returning washed over him again and again with each new pulse of energy. He twisted in the stronger Wraiths grasp; under overwhelming sensations, he almost couldn’t handle. It was overstimulation in the best way possible, and it was the best torture he’d ever endured. Something of a sob escaped him, his eyes misted, tears escaping when he screwed them shut.

The gift of life wasn’t as long as the feeding process. Too soon was Todd pulling his hand back, earning another strangled cry from the Colonel. If he hadn’t been high on the enzyme, John would have felt embarrassed at the way he must look, all blissed out and limp despite the energy he had newly packed in every cell. He’d been too frail, too old the last time he’d been conscious for the gift. He’d hadn’t even tasted it that time, only remembering the sensation as the absence of pain, not the opposite.

“It is better when it’s consensual.” Todd drawled heavily, sounding almost as breathy as John. He was still pressed against the other male’s body, still supporting him by sheer strength alone, “and when it is done with trust.”

John’s eyes fluttered open to meet yellow cat eyes very close to his face. He let out a chuckle, grip on the Wraith relaxing slightly, “It’s a hell of a lot more than "better"

Todd returned the chuckle, dilated eyes twinkling from the reciprocated pleasure the process brought. He brought a clawed, left hand up to cup John’s flushed cheek, thumb brushing the skin of his lips intently, affectionately. John wasn’t sure why he didn’t pull away from such an intimate gesture, or why he didn’t shutter at how extremely physically close the two were. This was nothing like a head on a lap or a battle grip. This was…

John found his gaze dropping to Todd's own lips, ignoring sharp teeth for the fantasy of moving closer.

“Shhheepaarrdd,” Todd’s purr was low, sensual, and matched John’s headspace perfectly. The Wraith drew closer, head tilting down, lips moving to close their gap, John’s parted in response…

The loud clang of the cell door opening had Todd’s head whipping around to face the entrance, a low growl escaping his chest. He pulled away from John as if the man were on fire.

John slumped against the wall, head still spinning but, not quite dazed enough to not feel annoyance bloom deep inside him. He straightened, eyes sliding to meet the figure and ugly, Brutish face of Lewy, who looked entirely less than pleased at what he’d walked in on.

Lewy’s eyes met John’s for a brief moment before sliding to Todd’s “Kaasaleja,” He growled

“Please,” Todd said gruffly, a strange mix of disinterest and annoyance on his tongue “that is no way to greet me.”

“It’s what you deserve,” He snarled back. This must be Todd’s “friend”

“Then you as well, doubly for your betrayal.”

The words stung; John could tell from Lewy’s wince.

‘My former second’ came Todd’s mental confirmation. The voice in his head was surprisingly clearer than it had been before the third feeding. The emotions that went with ‘former’ were tangible, almost as if they were John’s own.

John took a second to wonder how it was possible to feel this close to someone when they were halfway across the room. If he concentrated on the memory, could he draw to the surface the emotions of seconds earlier? Could he make Todd feel as he felt now, energized yet dazed and light?

A shiver ran up his spine. Todd’s hold inviting hold strengthened and purr somewhere between a warning and an approval sounded in their joined mind. So, he could, he’d remember that.

Instead of an answer, Lewy chose to grunt and bark an order at two drones that appeared out of the shadows like apparitions. One seized Todd from behind while the other bound his wrists behind his back in heavy, metal chains. Todd’s panic pricked like little needles, John could almost feel his muscles tensing, resisting the urge to break free.

The same urge that he probably felt every time Atlantis did the same thing. Guilt pooled in John’s stomach.

“Where are we going?” Todd asked stress masked expertly with indifference.

“Somewhere.”

The drones fell behind to lead the older Wraith forward. Before they could go, Todd turned back to regard John who was still against the wall, still needing a little extra support.

“Behave,” he ordered, voice commanding yet, gentile.

John nodded, adding a little extra droll to his stary eyes. he let himself slide down the wall in a submissive display only Todd could see through.
‘We’re going to have to talk about your tone.’ He shot at Todd humorously. The Colonel felt the urge to laugh against his mind and, he was happy to have overpowered the cuffs if only for a second or two.

Todd was quickly swept away, leaving John alone with their shared thoughts.

~

Todd

‘We’re going to have to talk about your tone’ Sheppard’s voice curled against the commander’s mind humorously. He fought the urge to laugh, something that would have been entirely out of place seeing as he was chained.

He flexed in his bonds as their party left, leaving Sheppard alone in the cell, and the commander alone with three hostiles.

He’d be lying, not only to himself but to Sheppard, if he pretended that the sensation of arms pinned behind his back and guards roughly escorting him from one room to the other, didn’t bring back memories. He’d be lying if he said that he didn’t ache from phantom hunger, despite the feast he’d been allowed only minutes ago.

His former second had to have noticed something in his eyes because his snort was mocking. The older Wraith must have reeked of fear and apprehension. He took a deep breath, trying to steady his heart rate and calm his nerves, his glands. From deep within him came a warm, ‘he’s dead, Todd, we can get out of this,’ Sheppard trying his best to wash a decade of torture away.

It was endearing, then again, so was the man himself. The Wraith would be lying again if he said that the Colonel’s words didn’t help.

Their black boots thumped against the organic floors of the unfamiliar hive, taking twists and turns that were almost familiar but, not really. His own version of the “uncanny valley’ Sheppard had once mentioned when regarding the commander’s own species.

Humans were strange, this human in particular.

They entered, through a code-activated door, into a medium-sized room that housed only a wide, stout round table. No chairs were in sight save for one at the metaphorical head, closest to the door, of the table. It looked almost human, compete with armrests that sported thick, metal bands the Warith knew were for his arms. He recognized it as an interrogation room. The one on his ship had been used frequently over the past few months.

A pang of longing went through him, anger bubbling up soon after at the memory of his crew’s treachery. From in him, Sheppard stirred, pushing calming emotions against the negative ones. The commander let it happen, let himself be mellowed by the other’s presence. The third feeding had been a good idea for many reasons.
The drones situated the Wraith in the chair, locking his muscled arm’s in tightly so that he could not even flex without discomfort. They were sent out shortly after, the door closing behind them with a telling bang.

His former second, who Sheppard’s mind kept calling “Lewy” stood at the other end of the table, a deep from across his tired face.

Todd met his eyes, opening up the mental link between him and Sheppard just a little more so that Sheppard could hear the conversation they were about to have.
“I thought you were dead,” the commander stated, letting his tone be as icy as he felt.

“As did I, you” his former, Lewy for lack of a better term, placed his hands on the table and leaned forward in what was supposed to be an intimidating stance.

Identifying him in a way Sheppard could understand and also identify would help the man get a better grasp on this exchange. Sheppard didn’t understand the way Wraith identified each other yet.

He said nothing to Lewy’s answer, most of his former crew probably believed him dead.

Lewy sighed, “What are you doing here? And do not lie, we already know you and your pet are lying to us.”

That prickled both him and Sheppard,

‘I am not a pet” Sheppard growled, fighting another emotion down before the Wraith could catch it. He felt warmth through, and a pleasant type of nausea.

“Sheppard is not a pet.” He repeated lowly, a growl in the back of his throat.

“No,” Lewy narrowed his eyes, “He’s clearly your mate as you were so clearly establishing back there.

The commander kept his face even, clam, and collected, despite the urge to snarl at the disrespect. Sheppard’s own emotions sprang up out of the depths in a blind cacophony of denial, shame and a much more straggled sense of excitement. The memory of their faces so close together was so strong that the commander could have been remembering it himself. He forced down both a mental and physical purr, keeping disinterest plain on his face for Lewy.

He withdrew, slightly, then, from Sheppard’s mind. this was not the time, nor the place for Sheppard to discover how he truly felt.

So much of what he’d inflicted on Sheppard had been under duress, very nonconsensual. And, while the commander had fed, drained, and gifted countless humans before, doing that all with this human was different. This special human deserved a say in their interactions, just as much as the Wraith himself did. Something extra than the common courtesy he tried to show his usual, innocent food.

Perhaps that was the reason why it’d taken them years to reach a point of understanding. The commander didn’t want to rush things, didn’t want to pressure him or cloud Sheppard’s head with emotions that weren’t his own. Such a thing could be confusing for humans, especially when the emotions were strong. And Todd's were, and were even stronger now that Sheppard knew him in a whole new light.

He’d considered the syllable of “Todd” something he could only assume was the Colonel’s attempt to name, to identify the Wraith, as progress towards Sheppard seeing him as something other than a monster in a cage. However stupidly simple the identification was, Todd chose not to push back but, embrace it. The last thing he wanted to do was create more ridges between him and the man, especially since Sheppard would never be able to say his real identity out loud.
Now there was more progress, so much more that they’d almost kissed.

He took a couple of seconds before slipping back into Sheppard’s view. The man had calmed.

Todd flicked his eyes over Lewy, assessing his outfit, his stance, and the telepathic signals he couldn’t help but pick up, before saying evenly, “You’ve managed to regain your titles.”

“I managed to pick up the pieces you broke,” the anger was genuine, but something about this encounter was not.

Todd cocked his head, silver hair falling to the side. He drummed his clawed fingers on the table, letting out a long, slow sigh.

Sheppard frowned, confused by this change in emotion.

Lewy shifted, obviously confused as well.

“Why did you want to see me?” Todd said at long last, keeping his eyes on the slightly younger Wraith. He was testing a theory.

Lewy looked around nervously then, leaned forward and crossed his left hand over his chest, dipping slightly. A signal, one Todd knew like the back of his hand.
Warmth exploded in Todd’s chest, he felt Sheppard react to it with a strange brand of confusion.

“I want to know what I can do, Commander, to get you and Colonel John Sheppard back to Atlantis.”

‘No!’ Sheppard shouted, wild panic in his voice. Todd’s body swayed with the sudden rush of emotions, and memories of Wraith ships attacking Sheppard’s home. “Don’t you dare say a word to him or I’ll have a real reason to kill you.’ and he would, Todd would understand that anger.

Todd ignored him, choosing instead to glance up at Lewy with doubtful eyes. “Atlantis and I have had no contact since I was first cast out of our Hive.” He denied it not just for Sheppard’s sake but, for the genuine fact that Lewy wasn’t trustworthy yet.

Sheppard quieted, a relaxed sigh breezing through their shared headspace. It stung Todd that his relief was so genuine. The man had actually believed Todd would betray him. They still had a very long way to go. Todd chose to open up the link further, letting Sheppard sense Lewy as much as hear him.

‘We both know that’s a lie.’ Lewy basically snarled, getting closer to Todd, “News spreads fast, we know you’re working with the New Lanteans. I’m trying to aid you.” again, he sounded genuine but, still infected with undercuts of betrayal.

“How could I possibly trust you?” Todd shot back.

“Commander,” Lewy insisted, “I’m risking my life, I would be killed for this.” He stepped back, eyeing Todd with a note of respect, “if they heard me…” He emphasized ‘heard.’

It made Todd pause, to look through his doubt for a second. The second allowed for a realization. John got it too, cursing. This meeting was being listened to.
While his immediate reaction was to get angry, he forced it down enough to be able to think about why Lewy would have chosen to reveal that.

‘It’s a warning’ Sheppard answered matter of factly, ‘to not give him any information. He’s trying to tell you something, but he can’t just say it so he’s relying on you to get the message.’

Of course. Warmth bloomed his chest again, stronger this time. On the other end, Sheppard gasped at the sensation.

‘He is on our side.’ Todd purred, then straightened with new purpose and shot Lewy a deadly look. “You already interrogated my mate; you won’t get anything else from us until we land. Now, where’s your commander, if I’m going to be tricked, I’d rather someone with a real status do the tricking.” He paused, “Unless, of course, he’s right behind the door.” He put as much force as he could into the last part.

Lewy scowled, straightening and grunting something to the door. Moments later, the Commander was in the room, followed by two drones who unlatched Todd, only to put him back in his cuffs. Outside, the Wraith remained calm, inside, he was filled with excitement and hope.

“You were supposed to get his confession.” The commander barked at Lewy. “Not be discovered.”

Lewy shook his head, “He is too smart for tricks.” He looked to Todd, their eyes meeting with the same, clear understanding.

“There is nothing to confess,” Todd breathed out, breaking eye contact in favor of sneering at the Commander. He was a weak leader; Todd could smell the incompetence on him. It brought out a deep-seated desire to dominate, to take this Hive for himself and crush the former commander’s skull in front of the crew. He could do so much better than this lousy excuse for a Wraith.

John flinched in his mind, pulling back ever so slightly.

The “Commander” stepped back under the scrutiny of Todd’s stare, baring his teeth in an attempt to threaten. It did not work.

“Take him back,” He snapped, “We will find out the truth soon enough.”

“And if you have already found it out?” Todd accused, but the commander was already gone.

Todd let the drones grab him, let him lead him back to the cell, Lewy close behind.

~

John

John rose to his feet rather quickly when he was Todd turn the corner. The commander looked pissed, a scowl plastered on his face, dark eyes looking straight ahead with rage. It was all fake. Inside, Todd was positively giddy, so much so that John was having trouble not feeling so himself.

Lewy sent the drones away before Todd was back in, He pulled the other Wraith close by the shoulder and whispered something in his ear. Todd nodded stiffly, keeping up the angry pretense.

Only once Todd was back in, and Lewy was gone, did John speak, “So he’s on our side?”

Todd nodded, thin lips pressed together, holding back a grin.

John grinned for him, “I told you we’d get out of here.”

Todd laughed, loud and self-indulgent, he went to lean against the wall where they’d been so close, “that you did.” He patted the space next to him and John felt trusting enough to join him, though about five inches away

“So what’s the plan? the Colonel asked, not bothering to move away when Todd closed their distance and they stood, nearly touching.

Todd shook his head “He’s coming back later to discuss it,” He glanced to John, eyes, and mind betraying emotions he wouldn’t, or couldn’t say.

John was having none of that after their exchange earlier. He leaned forward, touching shoulders with the commander “What’s on your mind?”

Todd purred, eyes dilating ever so slightly, “I am wondering if there are more of my old crew out there still who believe in my cause.”

“You’re wondering if you could have your old crew back,” John corrected.

Todd eyed him with the type of annoyance a guilty person shows when being discovered. John shrugged, “This new link is pretty revealing.” He blushed when he said it.

But it was true when Todd had been at that meeting, John felt as if he was there too. Every observation, every noise, everything except the sight of it, had been planned through their link. John felt every emotion along with the commander. It was helping, tremendously in navigating Todd and his mood swings.

“I do not have mood swings, Sheppard.”

John blushed, then blushed harder when he remembered the emotions went both ways.

Todd laughed again and took John's arm, pulling him gently down into a sitting position on the floor. “How do you feel?” He asked, hand tracing down the Colonel’s arm in a way that had goosebumps littering his skin.

How did he feel? Tired? No, that wasn’t the right word. But, energized didn’t feel right either. He felt…

“Spent,” He answered, “Like I just did a marathon in my head,”

“It’s the mental link, it is new for you to experience it in such a way, it will take some getting used to.”

“Can I turn it off?” he asked, quickly following up with an “N-Not that I don’t- well- it's just…” When Todd’s hand stilled and offense prickled their mind.

The commander chuckled again, then the bond retreated, slowly, like hair drip drying, until John could only hear his own thoughts, feel his own emotions. He sighed in relief, the pressure of being aware draining from him. His body slumped, totally exhausted like it’d been standing for three days straight. As he slumped, Todd guided his body down to lay John’s head across his lap again. John welcomed it, feeling sudden stress at being alone in his head. Damned if he did it, damned if he didn’t, great.

“Does it feel bad for you to break it too?”

Todd’s hands ran through John’s hair, “It does,” The tone of his voice told John that it was worse for the Wraith. Wraith were used to, born with, telepathy. It must feel like solitary confinement to him.

“Sorry…I don’t think I can handle it like you can.”

“You are a human,” He hummed lowly, lightly wrapping his fingers in the Colonel’s hair, “I did not expect you to."

John closed his eyes, trying to not moan, he wasn’t sure where this new fasciation with his hair was coming from, but he wasn’t complaining. “We should plan…”

“You should rest as much as you can before we carry out our plan, a lot has been asked of you these past few days.”

“I’m military trained,” John shot back, “I can handle a little stress.”

The Colonel knew Todd rolled his eyes.

Suddenly, John shivered, his body finally relaxed enough to notice how fucking freezing it was.

Todd noticed, “You are cold?”

“It’s like sixty in here and I’m shirtless, yeah I’m cold.”

Todd shifted, letting John’s head down gently before rising. After a few moments, a thick leather thing was placed on John's body. Todd’s cloak. He looked up, alarmed at the possibility of Todd being naked. To his - mostly- relief, the commander was clad in black pants made of a more flexible looking material and, what appeared to be a Wraith version of a muscle T. In reality, it was a tight-fitting leather tank top that did nothing to hide Todd’s well-sculpted physique. He could feel himself turning red.

John muttered a thank you, pulled up to a sitting position to put it on, then folded in on himself to hide his blushing face. It was big on him, acting like a warm thermal blanket that smelled like…something John couldn’t place, something good that had him biting his lip. He was beyond thankful that Todd couldn’t hear his thoughts, because all of them were on how close he and Todd had been to touching lips…to kissing…he swallowed, willing the idea of lips on lips and tongues on tongues away. It was an enzyme-based desire, and definitely not one that the Todd of right now would share, or that he would share tomorrow when it no longer coursed through his system. ‘All of this is enzyme based’ he reminded himself.

Todd chuckled yet again and resumed his position next to the Colonel.

“Aren’t you cold?” John asked after a while, voice shaky.

“My body adjusts to temperature a lot better than yours, Sheppard.”

“Oh…”

“Are you alright?”

“Uh-huh” no, all these emotions were too much for a man like him. He was grateful when Todd didn’t press the issue and the two simply sat in silence, thinking, waiting, and hoping.

Notes:

Wow! Sorry, this took so long to get out. These characters just did not want me to write them (probably because John is scared of admitting he likes Todd and he knows it coming). Anyways, babbling aside, Thank you as always and I hope you enjoyed it!

Chapter 7: Escape

Summary:

The groups make their escape, but it is anything but smooth.

Notes:

Hey everyone! I finally got a chance to work on this again (Midterms kicked my ass). Thanks for all the support so far and I hope you enjoy it!

Lewy came by what must have been a couple of hours later. He was alone as far as John could tell. Both he and Todd rose to greet the Wraith, Todd made his way up to the bars while John hung back a few feet, coat wrapped around himself defensively.

Lewy Bowed to Todd with his left hand, instead of right, over his chest, “Commander,”

Todd grunted, but John could feel the joy the gesture caused.

Lewy’s eyes shifted to John, scanning him with a look Wraith didn’t normally give him; indifference, like John, really was a worshiper and not the functioning General of the Atlantis Expedition. It was almost as insulting as being regarded as a meal.

He gave a little, sarcastic wave and tight, “fuck you” smile before coming up to join Todd on equal ground. It wasn’t so much that he wanted to, or even needed to, prove himself as it was that John was accustomed to being close by when major decisions were made. He wasn’t going to let these two decide on a plan without him at least listening in.

Todd didn’t react save for reaching out with his mind. John accepted the gesture, latching onto the other’s thoughts with greater ease than the last time. The familiar pressure returned, and a faint buzzing filled John’s head, Todd’s thoughts.

“Forgive me if I don’t trust you,” was Todd’s icy response.

“If we don’t trust you.” John echoed, empathizing the ‘we’

Lewy frowned, narrowing his eyes at John in suspicion. Lowly, he said “This isn’t your mate, is it.”

“No” John answered coldly, not giving up anything other than that. For once, he did blush at the word, he kept his gaze hard and straight at the Wraith, daring him to treat the human with anything less than respect.

“No, you are…John Sheppard of Atlantis?” Lewy observed a lot less defensively than moments before.

John frowned, ‘How much does he know?’

In his mind, Todd shrugged ‘News travels fast, especially if you are looking for it. For now, don’t confirm or deny his claims…just in case’

"You got it," John just shrugged, glancing at Todd.

Lewy shot Todd a look that Todd returned with his own shrug.

Lewy sighed, “I understand.” He straightened, “the Hive will land tomorrow afternoon, commander, from there they will take you to a secure chamber while you await the Primary’s call.”

“You understand, of course, that we cannot allow Sheppard or I to see her,” Todd explained.

Lewy nodded, voice lowering further, “It will not be easy, her officers will be escorting you and the human to prevent any Kaasaleja from helping you. His eyes darted around, “The commander suspects all, what with the news of you being found.”

He didn’t say “Your attack,” insinuating that the Primary visit wasn’t to find out if Todd was guilty but, to win this ship's Commander her favor for bringing her Todd’s head.

‘Exactly,’ Todd hissed, ‘I told you I was hated.’ To Lewy, he said, “Then we must escape before you and I are separated. Is this based on a planet habitual to life?”
Lewy nodded, “May worshiper communities live surrounding it.”

John shuttered at that, then jumped slightly when he felt Todd’s hand brush his shoulder. The Wraith did not pull back through, and John let him rest his feeding hand there, thumb brushing the covered skin. It was oddly comforting and oddly affectionate.

“And is there some kind of forest for cover?” Todd asked hopefully.

Lewy nodded yet again, “a forest covers most of the planet save for streams and lakes. It will provide cover for the many days it will take us to reach the gate.”

It was Todd’s turn to frown, “Can you not pick us up in a dart?”

Lewy shook his head, “The gate is many miles away so that Worshipers are not tempted. If I was to take a dart, I would be caught. No, I will gather supplies and meet you near the first village, from there we will travel to the gate on foot.”

Todd looked displeased but, he didn’t press the issue. Neither did John, he didn’t have enough knowledge of the base to counter any of Lewy’s points.

“Weapons?” Todd asked.

Lewy reached into his marron coat’s main pocket and pulled out two small, black rods with sharp points on either end, “close contact stunner’s.”

He took in a clawed hand and handed one to John, eyes twinkling “We will be doing this the old-fashioned way after all.”

“Hey, as long as you don’t feed on me mid-battle, I’m all in.” John returned the look with a grin, turning the device over in his palm.

Todd laughed, a hearty sound and squeezed John shoulder lightly, “I’ll have to settle for right before,”

John chuckled, but inside he was fighting back the memories of last time.

Thankfully, Lewy, all frowns at their joking, interrupted by sharply clearing his throat, “Try and do it quietly, put as much distance between you and the base before they notice.

“Of course,” Todd’s hand fell away from John's shoulder. A whirlwind of emotions crossed over their shared mind. John picked up that Todd didn’t know what to say next, what to do next. Should he dismiss Lewy, or return their sign? He felt unsure, anxious about whether he was opening himself up to failure. In the end, he simply waved his left hand vaguely.

“Thank you,” He said roughly, John felt him slink back into the dark recesses of his mind and the colonel resisted the urge to follow.

Lewy was about to leave when John’s stomach did a nauseous flip, rumbling loud enough for both Wraith with their supersonic hearing, to detect.

“Fuck,” he clung his stomach, “Do you have any people food on this hunk of rock?” It’d been at least two days since John had eaten anything other than a power bar.

Lewy scowled in displeasure, “The Hive is not a “hunk of rock.”

“Hunk of life then,”

Todd shot Lewy a look that translated to something like, “He’s not going to apologize,” in his mind.

‘Damn right I’m not.’

Lewy sighed, obviously tempted to put the Colonel in his place but, under obligation to follow his commander’s orders, “We have a couple of Worshippers on board, I will have one of them bring you something to eat.” With that, he was gone, leaving John with a new nauseous feeling.

There were other humans here? Real Worshipers, who actually revered the Wraith? Loved them? It made him sick to think about the humans he couldn’t save, the lives he had to leave behind in this sickly place where the light didn’t touch.

Todd cocked his head, “You do not like the idea of other humans here?”

“Do I like the idea of people so addicted to Wraith juice that they’ll become slaves? Nah, not really.” He went over to the wall and slid down it into a sitting position, drawing his knees to his chest and crossing his arms over them.

“You speak as though…” Todd trailed off, but the sentence finished in his head ‘as though you do not enjoy it yourself.’

“That’s different, I’m not addicted.” He shot back.

“But can you blame them for becoming so when you know what it is like, and when you know we must feed?” Remember what I said, Sheppard,” He came to join John on the ground, settling in close to the Colonel, “you curse the Wraith for taking your life, we curse not being allowed to have it all. All creatures must feed, Sheppard, Wraith are no different.”

John shuttered, drawing himself closer. He remembered the first Wraith Queen he’d ever encountered saying something similar, right before she tried to feed on him. He rubbed his palms together anxiously before wrapping his arms around himself, “Would you, if you could, take it all?”

Todd turned to look at him, dragging his gaze up and down John’s body like it was a buffet, and it was a buffet to him. “In the past, John Sheppard, I have done what I need to survive.” He shifted his body so that he could easily face John. “But the worshipers on my Hives have always been treated with respect, modeled after my own wishes of peace between our species.”

“They’re still slaves, they don’t know what they’re really doing.”

Todd tutted, leaning back slightly, “One day, perhaps, you will understand.”

“Yeah…” John trailed off, not really in the mood to get philosophical about the implications of slavery with a species that definitely couldn’t ever see it from John’s perspective. He changed the topic instead, “Do you think it’ll actually work? The escape?”

Todd’s straightened, leaning forward again, “I believe we can make it work, as we have before.”

“Me too,” He smiled lightly, “I’m not going to die by one of you guys, Rodney would never let that go.”

Todd returned the smile, sharp teeth glinting in the little light there was. Inside him was a familiar buzz of excitement and apprehension. It had grown in intensity since he first met with Lewy and grown into more anxiety than joy since. The Wraith was worried about something, and it was bothering him immensely John decided to reach out.

“You’re worried about something.”

Todd sighed like he was hoping John hadn’t noticed. He growled at nothing in particular and leaned his sliver-clad head against the wall, “This could go wrong.”

“Things can always go wrong; we just have to make them go right again.”

“No, I mean with my second, it could be a trap.”

John was once again caught in a wave of understanding; Todd was worried about being left behind again like he had been countless times. Like he had been with Koyla, like he had been ten thousand years ago. And John understood a little bit more why the Wraith had just wanted to give up; there was no betrayal if you didn’t trust.

‘It could be,” John chose his next word’s as carefully as he could, “But…it could also not be, and if you don’t try, if we don’t try, then we’re going to die in the next couple days and you’ll never know whether you could have lived or not.”

“I…” Todd paused, mind shrinking back into privacy, “Have you ever been betrayed?”

John snorted, resisting the urge to tell Todd that his job almost guaranteed it, because that wasn’t the kind of betrayal Todd was talking about. He tried to guard his mind, to keep Todd from seeing not just his ex-wife Nancy but, his emotions around his Court Marshall. He couldn’t, he didn’t have the necessary skill set to draw back like the Wraith could, and it all spilled forward as vivid as if he’d said it out loud.

“Ah,” Todd nodded sympathetically, eyes shining with understanding and pity, “then you understand.”

John bit his lip, looking away from Todd completely, “Yeah, it’s hard to trust again or whatever.” He felt bitter that the first time he’d shared the experience was against his will, and in such a private medium. How did Wraith deal with being in each other's heads like that all the time? Having everything on display sucked.

Todd’s hand went back to John’s shoulder, giving it another light squeeze, “I am tired of being betrayed, I don’t wish to go through it again.”

The Colonel forced himself to turn back and look at the Wraith, he forced himself to make eye contact despite how barraged with both his own emotions and Todd’s he felt. And he felt, he felt sick and tired, and like he wanted to break down and cry.

Todd stared back at him, waiting patiently for him to speak.

John didn’t want to say anything else until he’d spent a little while piecing his head back together and thought of a good way to refute a very valid point. What he’d been through was bad, yes. His wife had left him because of his career, his military had Court Marshaled him for a failure that had already nearly torn him to shreds with guilt. However, it was still nothing like Todd’s pain, Todd’s was thousands of years of unimaginable loneliness, despair, and betrayal. John had friends, had reliable teammates who he’d bet his own life on their loyalty not just to him but, the expedition’s cause itself. Todd pretty much had no one despite warry Atlantis allies and a crew that had ended up stabbing him in the back despite everything he’d done and been through. What the hell was John supposed to say to that to convince him that things didn’t always suck? For Todd, they did.

And he just felt so damn awful, so overwhelmed. It was difficult to separate whose awful feelings he was feeling. Was the wrench in his gut from Todd’s experience with Koyla? Or was it from when Nancy had laid divorce paper’s down and left without a word?

“Jesus…I…” he started but trailed off when he realized there was nothing to complete that sentence.

Todd’s mind held fast, eyes shining with patient understanding.

Then there was a knock on the cell door.

John looked up to face a human female, standing on the other side of the bars, holding a bowl and a utensil. She was young-looking with long, brown hair that hung past her waist. Her skin was pale, probably from lack of sunlight and, she looked thinner than she should be. Her clothes, a maroon shirt, and matching pants that ended below her knees hugged her in an odd way that suggested she used to fit them better. This must be the worshiper.

He rose, approaching her slowly, “Uh…hi.” His voice sounded strangled like he’d been crying.

She stared at him for a couple of seconds, stared like she was staring straight through him. Finally, she remembered the bowl and quickly ducked to slide it under one of the door’s cracks. When she rose, she looked even more uncomfortable than before.

“Thanks,” John said in an attempt to connect, but her vacant stare didn’t alter except to shift to Todd.

Todd looked up at her, and she gasped when they made eye contact, stepping back a foot or so like he’d jump out and grab her.

He gave her a lazy wave, “Thank you, did you make that yourself?” There was no evidence in his multitoned voice that he’d just been upset.

She frowned, obviously confused by his mild tone. Then she glanced to John and down at the meal. “I uh…I-I gotta take that back when y-you’re done…”

John felt heat rise to his cheeks. He felt embarrassed for no reason at all and he quickly sat down to eat. The food was some kind of soup, still so hot that it steamed. John’s stomach growled at the spice-filled scent, then growled again when his spoon picked up a large chunk of white meat. He raised it to his lips and shoved it in like he hadn’t eaten in days, which he hadn’t It was delicious. The meat was soft, like fall apart in his mouth soft, and tasted like some kind of chicken. The brown broth was thick like a stew, filled with spices and root vegetables that added extra padding. Soon the bowl was empty and licked clean, leaving him craving more.
“That was delicious, thank you…what’s your name?” He asked, sliding it under the door.

“Mar'ray” She answered softly, taking it back, her eyes were still on Todd, but they seemed to be a little less vacant.
“John,” He answered warmly, smiling.

She flinched, backed away slightly. If John hadn’t been watching closely, he would have missed the light that bloomed behind her eyes, if only for a second, before she turned tail and sped walked away. What the hell had happened to her?

‘Probably what happens to all of them His own voice answered solemnly. Judging by the girl’s appearance, demeanor, and overall wariness of Todd’s presence, even behind bars, John guessed that the Worshipers here were treated pretty badly. They probably had no one to…no one except for other drugged-out junkies held in place by Wraith overlords. John glanced back at Todd, remembering when he’d first seen him, bent, broken, and fearful, in that cage. Another reminder that some wounds, some individuals, were not so easily healed.

Something about Marray was sticking with him, that light when he’d shown her affection, something she probably didn’t get very often being on this ship…He scanned Todd, whose eyes were closed, body leaning tiredly on the wall. He recalled how touchy the Wraith was becoming lately, how he tended to sit closer to the Colonel, playing with his hair and such. It had started around the time John had said they were friends…

He had either a brilliant or a brilliantly stupid idea. He went over and sat close to Todd, close enough to touch. Then, very gently, he reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder. Todd’s eyes flicked open, they drew from the touch to John’s face with openness, hopefulness.

John bit his lip, he took a deep breath. Friendship was what had saved him from his dark place. Coming to Atlantis and gaining his team had restored his pride, his titles, and most importantly, his happiness. Maybe the same could be true for Todd, maybe he didn’t have to be so worried about Lewy if he knew for sure that he wasn’t alone.

“You uh…you have me,” He said quietly, still trying to decide if this was the best course of action. “Look…betrayal sucks, and I can’t imagine what it’s been like for you, I’m pretty sure no one could.”

Todd cocked his head, intrigued.

“But I know that lots of humans spend a lot of their lives trying to find people who stick, it's hard especially when you don’t live that long…” He forced himself to look Todd in the eyes, “What I’m saying is…ya got me, and I know I’m not a crew and a Hive, but I’m not leaving you for dead like the rest of them. If this goes south, we’ll get out together. Like before.”

Todd was silent, scrutinizing eyes bored holes into John’s very soul. He was absolutely still for what seemed like ages, and John got a sinking feeling that he was about to get eaten for his audacity.

Expect Todd didn’t do that. Instead, a very loud purr reverberated around the cell, almost vibrating the very ground they sat on. Todd chuckled to himself, amplifying the noise, and he ducked his head down to rest on John's shoulder.

“John Sheppard, you are by far the most interesting human I’ve ever met,” He pulled John closer with a clawed hand, still purring like a fucking cat.

John returned the gesture, somewhat uncomfortably, by wrapping his arm around Todd from behind. His heart was beating in his chest from the aftermath of the risky move, only accelerated by Todd’s sheer closeness. What was worse was that he’d genuinely meant every word of it. Something in John's mind, something he’d buried far, far beneath the surface, was screaming to emerge, and John really didn’t feel ready for that to happen.

~

One meal and one day later, Lewy came to tell them the ship was landing and to prepare. John wasn’t filled with dread this time when Todd told him he was going to feed. The warmth he felt for the other male also came with trust.

“What’s it going to do to our minds?” he asked, standing against the wall again for support. He undid Todd’s coat, pulling it open aside to reveal the scars. They’d already healed from the last time.

Todd shrugged, “We’ll have to see.” He came up, wrapping his hand around the back of John’s head to keep it straight while John covered his mouth with one hand and snaked an arm around Todd’s waist with the other. He felt hot with anticipation and red with embarrassment at being hot.

“Am I going to get addicted to this?” He murmured as Todd lined his feeding hand up with the feeding scar.

“No,” Todd smirked slightly, “I won’t require this nearly as much once we are free.”

“Goo-aHFUCHMEH!” He groaned, Todd started unannounced.

Todd chuckled in his ear as he drew, “Sorry, I did not have the restraint to wait.”

“Yyh,” John breathed in deep, feeling his body shrink from false age, “Y-ysu’re…just an…ashhole.” his voice was muffled, but the bit was still there.

“Hmm”

It was all over quickly, leaving John feeling on top of the world, ready for action. Energy coursed through him despite the lull in his sharper emotions. He’d be lying if he said the return wasn’t still one of the best things he’d ever experienced. It worried him a little, but he trusted Todd not to take advantage of it.

“Goddamn, I think you’re going to have to go hungry for a week because I’m not so sure that I’m that far away from needing that.” He was in the middle of closing up the cloak when he decided that it was going to be way too bulky to run in. He undid it and handed it back to the Wraith.

Todd nodded his agreement, eyes scanning over John’s naked chest before he took back his clothing. The Colonel did his best not to eye Todd’s bear arms one more time before they were shrouded in black again, he failed.

The ground beneath them sifted, signaling they’d landed.

“Good timing,” John breathed in deeply, checking his pants pocket to make sure his close-range stunner was still there.

“You remember the plan correctly?” Todd questioned.

“Course, I didn’t get to be a Lieutenant Colonel for nothing.”

“One of these days,” Todd said lowly, “I will ask you what that means.”

John snicked, mostly out of nervousness and apprehension. He felt Todd’s mind curl around his and he accepted it openly, pulling the Wraith in a mental embrace.
They heard footsteps.

‘Sounds like four of them.’ John overserved.

‘Yes, an officer and three drones.’

‘Easier than Koyla’

‘Mmm, Think of two men in every one Wraith.’ Todd said solemnly

‘Please, this isn’t my first rodeo’

Todd’s laugh, as nervous as his body language, rang in John’s mind, ‘another word that evades my knowledge.’ He jerked his head up when a Wraith officer neither male had seen before arrived in front of their cell along with three drones, just as Todd had promised. Clearly, this new hive had underestimated the pair.
The Wraith officer snarled at Todd, giving him the same traitor greeting Hewy Dewy and Lewy had extended. A fantasy of Todd ripping the Wraith’s throat out, played across their shared mind in vivid detail.

The cell door opened; John shifted his stance. He gripped the stunner in his pocket.

Lewy had told them about an exit to the right of their cell where an in-cahoots Wraith officer would meet them to let them out. It was a little way off but, with the long-range stunners they were about to acquire, it wouldn’t be too hard. It would be easier with something like Ronan’s fancy gun, but some things just couldn’t be.
The drones came at them first. Their hands were occupied with alien handcuffs so, when Todd grabbed one from behind and shoved his stunner into it, the other’s reaction time was delayed by having to draw their weapons.

John took on the one closest to him, ducking a shot from the officer’s stunner by rolling to the ground. he grabbed the drone’s feet, knocking him off balance and flinging him to the ground in one smooth motion. He jammed his weapon into his side, then rolled to avoid another shot. He scrambled for the long-range stunner, then fired at the retreating officer, the coward.

He missed, but it didn’t matter because Todd, having incapacitated the other drone with his superhuman strength and reflexes, dashed off in the officer’s direction, long-range stunner in hand. John followed quickly after. He watched as Todd practically jumped onto the other Wraith, mercilessly shooting him in the side during the process. For extra spite, and strength, He slammed his feeding hand down and drained the officer just as he had with Koyla’s men.

John didn’t look away this time, he also found pleasure in watching the Wraith shrivel up under Todd’s grasp.

When Todd raised, there was a set determinism in his eyes, “Let’s go.”

"Aye-Aye, Captain."

They took off, both running with the lightness of trained soldiers. Before long, footsteps could be heard and they both took their places hiding behind corners, hiding, prepping to shoot.

All was silent, John slowed his breathing to almost a standstill, waiting for that flash of movement that indicated a target. In their mind, John discovered that if he focused on Todd, he could see the other male’s point of view as if it were his own. He narrowed his focus, settling in on the other male’s perspective, just in time to see something move out of the corner of Todd’s eyes

‘From behind!’

Todd whipped around, shooting at two approaching Drones and sliding across the floor to doge their own bursts of light. John covered him, leaping out in time to hit another two that were racing toward the commotion. They all went down, though John’s hair was singed from a narrow miss.

‘We make a pretty good team, Todd.’

‘Indeed, Sheppard.’

They hurried on, quicker than before, there was no telling how many Wraith knew of their escape by now, and they weren’t keen on sticking around to find out.

~

The exit spot was in sight, it was a small, secret escape-looking thing that looked as if it would need a Wraith mind to access it. The promised officer wasn’t there. John’s stomach sunk, dreading as he realized that Todd wouldn’t be able to open it. Todd felt the same way too, anger bubbling in him until it clouded both of their concentrations.

“He betrayed us,” The Wraith snarled, “I should have-“

Lewy turned the corner hard, running up to them, “They took my officer in for questioning!” He looked panicked, “We have to leave right now, if I stay, I will be caught.” He had with him a small bag that looked like it probably didn’t have near what they needed in it.

“Fuck” John cursed.

Todd growled in frustration, but the relief coursing through him was louder than John's own, “We will have to make do.”

Lewy nodded gravely, annoyance and dread seeped into his very being, the door opened.

The first thing John noticed is that it was bright, extremely bright to the point where he had to shield his eyes to be able to see. And it was warm, a rush of warm air coursed over him, leaving goosebumps all along his shivering skin. The second thing was that they were way too high up in the air for John to survive a jump. He didn’t have much time to think about that though, because Todd scooped him up bridal style, said “Hold on” Then unceremoniously leaped from the ship and into the open air.

They landed hard, John was knocked from Todd’s grasp and sent rolling down a steep hill that was covered in a blue-green grass-like substance that was rough on his skin.

He heard Todd shout, curse, and then the pounding of large feet running down the hill.

He slammed side first into a large, sharp rock. It caught him enough for him to grab onto it, but not before ripping a painful gash from his hip to his belly button. He bit back a scream, eyes misting at the excruciating pain.

No time for that. Gritting his teeth, he pressed his hand against it to try and stop the bleeding and staggered to his feet, ignoring how the shift in motion tinged his vision with black. He couldn’t faint now, if he fainted, they’d be dead. Through blurred vision, saw Todd and Lewy running, practically leaping to him. Todd had his arms out, ready to pick John up again. The Wraith grabbed him in one swift motion, using his momentum to leap down the hill, gaining more distance in a shorter amount of time. The shift hurt worse than the first, but John didn’t make a sound, biting down on his bottom lip so hard that it also drew blood.

“H-How far away…” He panted, pressing his hand harder against the oozing wound.

“It is not too far; we will make it before the darts launch”

Todd lept again, jostling John and his wound. The Colonel tried to focus on something other than the pain, but it was almost impossible, even with his strong connection to Todd, to think of anything else.

‘We are almost there, Sheppard, try not to make any noise.’

‘Uhuh…’ He was starting to see black again and had to force himself to stay awake. He gripped onto Todd with all his remaining strength.

Todd’s paced slowed, the decrease in jostling allowed John to focus enough to be able to see out, albeit hazily, out of his eyes. They were almost at a large looking village with houses made of wood and stone, it was gated in stone. All around them was the strange blue-green grass, and large, pitch-black trees with huge branches that towered over the village, shading it from the sun. Todd veered left, heading for the forest line. It was close now, soon they’d be under the cover of the trees…soon they’d be to safety. He groaned, shuttering from the blood loss. His vision blurred and back spots danced across the little vision he had.

Someone whispered, ‘Stay with me…’ and it was the last thing he heard before he passed out.

~

Todd

His boots pounded against alien grass, his arms gripped his fragile human tightly, panic rising in him at the sight, smell, and feel of all that blood.

‘Stay with me…’ He begged. His vision was cloudy, his mind narrowly focused on getting Sheppard to safety, on keeping Sheppard alive.

He and Lewy dashed into the cover of the forest, the thick branches and widespread leaves blocked out the light, his eyes dilated to see the path ahead. They couldn’t stop now, they shouldn’t stop now, not so close to the enemy hive. Sheppard went limp in his arms and he slammed to a screeching halt at the base of a tree with sprawling black roots. They were only meters from the forest line, but he had to do it now or risk Sheppard dying. It wasn’t guaranteed that his body would respond to the Gift as well as it had the first time he died, not since he’d been fed on so many times, so Todd couldn’t risk it.

“What are you doing?!” Lewy yelled when Todd laid Sheppard down long the roots and drew back his feeding hand.

“I’m losing him!” He shouted back.

A hand closed around his own and yanked him back, away from Sheppard’s dying body.

“Are you insane?” Lewy hissed, grip tightening on Todd’s arm, “There is no time!

Todd growled, yanking his arm wildly to throw the other off. Lewy hit the ground hard, but he sprang up and was barreling at the older Wraith again.

“Stay back!” Todd roared with all the force he could muster.

“Why do you care so much for a human that is not your mate? It is your life you should be concerned with!”

Todd’s eyes flashed, he snarled, “You do not know what you speak of.” He raised his feeding hand threateningly, straightening to his full height in a power stance.

Lewy eyed him angrily, his eyes darting to the bleeding man, then back to Todd. He hadn’t quite gotten it yet. He didn't understand how much the Wraith ached for his human, how he would give up everything to save him.

Todd snarled again, “if you lay a hand on me again I will use your life force to fuel him.” He spat.

Lewy growled in response, but he took a step back at the threat in a clear cessation.

The older Wraith snarled one more time for good measure then turned back to Sheppard. The man was pale, a pool of his own red blood coated the grass around him. The wound was deep, but it could still be healed, if only somewhat Todd placed his hand on the male’s chest, choosing a new point in which to give the gift. He pushed, he threw, he let it all spill out of him with a gasp. He watched with worried eyes as the color returned to Sheppard, how his wound closed almost as quickly as it had been made. It didn’t close all the way through, only enough to stop the bleeding. There was still a nasty opening that would require time to heal. They didn’t have the time, but Todd feared that if he did more, it would overwhelm the human’s system.

Sheppard remained unconscious, his body and mind, despite the Gift, had been through too much recently. He’d been injured, fed on, and gifted too much for one human in the past week for him to come out of it the same. It was going to take a little bit for his body to recover from the shock. And Todd was willing to carry him through it until the end.

Despite the circumstances, Sheppard looked beautiful lying there, face healed of all worry and settled into a neutral, peaceful expression. His rosy lips were full and soft, his skin glowing with revitalization. Todd lost all sense of the moment in Sheppard’s light and he trailed a singular claw down the man’s gentle skin. Lovingly, reverently…

“Commander!” Lewy snapped, grabbing his arm again, “we need to go!”

Todd hissed, startled back to reality by the contact, but nodded nonetheless and hulled Sheppard back into his arms. They took off into the real cover of the thick forest ahead.

Chapter 8: Aching

Summary:

The group stops to rest and feelings are finally laid out.

Notes:

Hey everyone! This Chapter was originally supposed to be a lot longer but I decided to split it in two since I'm not totally sure about the second part yet. I wanted to get something out though so this is kind of part 1? Not really but that's how I'm looking at it. Enjoy! and thank you for the comments and Kudos!

They were forced to stop after several hours because the forest was growing too dark for even their eyes to see appropriately. It was the cursed human in them that gave them all the setback that, free of, would elevate them to the status of gods. They might have kept going anyways if Sheppard wasn’t at risk of bleeding heavily again from all the movement.

They found shelter in a hollowed-out tree that had to be at least five meters in diameter. Worshiper made most likely. Todd spent what little light they had left gathering blue-green leaves, some almost the size of his torso, to make Sheppard some sort of bed. He piled them, one on top of the other, only stopping when there were no more large leaves to be easily found. In the end, the pile was a few inches thick. He wrapped the man in his coat for extra warmth and left him in the tree to confer with his old and, hopefully, new Second.

Lewy had dragged a tree log over for them to sit on, he was laying out the contents of his small bag. There wasn’t much; two extra stunners, a couple of waterproof pouches for a drink- another one of those pesky human setbacks was the need for water. There were supplies to start a fire, though they couldn’t do that without being discovered- and an extra knife. There were also a few bulbs that would glow to give them light. What concerned Todd most was the absence of any type of human sustenance. Sheppard was hungry every day, his body needed to eat regularly, or his recovery would be longer, and harder to get through despite anything Todd could do.

He growled to get Lewy’s attention. The Wraith rose hastily, eyeing Todd with a confused type of loyalty.

“The knife,” Todd ordered. It was in his hands in seconds. He grunted at Lewy, “are there any small animals on this planet? Or fruit besides what the Worshipers grow and raise?”

Lewy scowled, obviously displeased at the idea of either one of them going to get food for Sheppard “That human, he means a lot to you, does he not?”

Todd’s upper lip curled back in annoyance, “That is none of your concern.”

“I think it is,” Lewy insisted, rising to meet Todd’s eyes, though he was several inches shorter than the Commander. “Respectfully, Commander, you almost killed us.”

“Sheppard would have died; I will not let that happen.” His muscles were all tense, his patience for this nosy Wraith was wearing thin enough that it was starting to not matter that he hadn’t betrayed them.

Lewy looked him up and down, equally as annoyed, and lowered himself onto the log again, “Commander, why is John Sheppard of Atlantis special to you?”

“It is none of your-“

“From a former friend, Commander, you know that getting close to a Lantean is a dangerous idea. They could be constructing another-“

“The new Lanten’s need us as much as we need them,” He snapped back, forcing down the primal urge to strike. He hated being questioned by anyone, but most of all his own crew. Questioning leads to discovering which leads to betrayal and pain.

Lewy craned his head back to look his commander in the eyes, “I know just as much as you the pain of betrayal. But you cling to the past while we live ten thousand years in the future.”

Todd’s blood boiled, it took everything in him not to strangle the Wraith there and then. And, he might have if he hadn’t heard stirring. His head snapped to the tree, he growled and shoved the knife into Lewy’s hands, exchanging it for a blub which glowed when he made contact, “Go find something for him to eat. that is an order, officer.” With that, he hurried his way into the tree where Sheppard was trying to sit up.

The man groaned in pain, running his smaller hand down to his covered stomach, hissing at the pain of touching it. Todd couldn’t begin to explain the wave of relief that washed over him at seeing the human alive and well. It was like a dam had broken in his mind, washing all his anxiety and fear away and leaving him only with the desire to embrace him and never let go.

But that would make things worse right now, physically and mentally.

“It will scar,” he said quietly as not to startle the human, “and it is not all the way healed, I was not able to restore you like I wished to.” He handed John a water pouch, which the man took and drank from greedily.

John looked up at him, eyes dazed from pain and exhaustion, he shook his head slightly, “We…got away?”

“We got away,” Todd came to sit next to him on the ground, he eyed the spot where the gash was.

“Good…”

“Yes…may I?” He gestured to Sheppard’s covered wound then set down the blub near the spot.

Sheppard nodded, reaching down to undo the coat himself but Todd’s hands caught his, pulling them away gently, “Let me.”

The man flushed, aware enough to react to Todd’s touch in the sweet way that he had started to recently.

Todd’s clawed fingers gently undid his coat, pulling it aside to reveal the nasty gash. It was still bleeding, though much slower, and Todd could see now that it was a lot deeper than he’d thought. He ran his fingers around it, feeling for the raised, puffy red of infection and praying that it wasn’t there. Sheppard winced at the friction.

“How bad…is it?”

“It’s bad,” Todd answered honestly, “But it will heal.”

“We don’t have the time for it to heal.” He snapped out of frustration, not anger.

“No, But I can speed up the process.” He brought his feeding hand back up, cradled it in his left hand.

“The gift?” Sheppard questioned, eyes lighting up at the prospect. Sheppard would need to avoid it for several weeks now, or risk becoming addicted.

“Not exactly…” Todd rubbed his fingers around the edges of his feeding organ, awakening it unnaturally.

John frowned deeply, “what are you doing?”

“Producing my enzyme artificially,” He ran his fingertips against the opening, shuttering at the strange sensation. “The enzyme is a natural accelerant. In our own bodies, it helps with healing our damage quickly. It can be applied to human wounds to cut the healing time down from weeks to days.” He bit his lip when wetness started to appear.

John stared at the opening as well, “You’re…putting that on me?”

“I am,” Todd let himself think about how much he wished Sheppard was helping him with the process. His feeding organ was a sensitive, erogenous zone, feeling it was…pleasant, pleasanter still with a partner. He shuttered again, forcing back a purr. arousal crept into his body like a steady stream. Soon his hand was slick with the light-blue-tinged enzyme.

He swept his left hand through it, ignoring the way his body reacted with another shutter, “May I?”

Sheppard blushed again, eyes glued to the stuff, “Uh…yeah…”

Todd let his gaze trail down Sheppard’s abdominal muscles, allowing himself one indulgence that, hopefully, wouldn’t be too obvious to the pain and exhaustion drugged human. He took in the hard muscle of his pectorals, the shapely nature of his abdomen. The Colonel, whatever that meant, took care of himself. Of course, Todd had known that from the beginning when the human had survived the night in Koyla’s prison. Only someone strong and capable could do that. Still, the past couple days had given the Wraith a new opportunity to see just what the human looked like under all that cloth, it didn’t disappoint.

John cleared his throat, looking up at Todd through his long eyelashes with impatient eyes, “In pain here.”

Todd chose to answer that with a coy smile. He settled his left hand on the wound and lightly trialed a generous amount onto the Colonel’s marred flesh. Under him, John filched, he hissed out, eyes screwing shut.

“Ow, fuck you, Todd.”

Todd chuckled, not knowing what “fuck” meant, but getting the idea nonetheless. He went back for more, once again running his hand over Sheppard. “Would you rather be incapacitated?”

John glared at him jokingly, something in him shifting when the two locked eyes. Todd’s dilated both from the dark and his arousal, settled softly on Sheppard’s shining ones. Todd’s hand lay flat on the Colonel’s smooth, warm skin. It was taunt from effort and flushed from strain. He could sense Sheppard’s accelerated heartbeat; he could feel the man’s anticipation in his blood. His gaze fell to John’s lips, puffy, soft, and inviting. He found himself leaning forward again, the man’s name forming on his lips once more…

“I-Is Lewy still with us?” John sputtered out, shattering the moment. Todd drew back quickly, nodding as he went.

“T-That’s good…” John groaned again, “so you have yourself a Second again?”

Todd couldn’t stop his purr, as embarrassing as it was, “I do, it seems you were right.”

“Uh-Ow, about what?”

“Taking risks, finding things out for yourself.”

John chuckled fondly as Todd smeared the last layer on, “You mean I bested you at wisdom?”

“Ah,” Todd’s eyes twinkled with affection, “do not get ahead of yourself, Sheppard.”

“Too late,” John joked, yawning halfway through the sentence.

“You should rest, we still have several hours until daybreak.”

John nodded and wrapped the coat back around himself. He settled back against his bed with a sigh.

Todd hummed lightly, wiping his left hand off on his pant leg before running it through Sheppard’s hair. Todd had been surprised when he first touched it, just how soft it was despite its spikey appearance. The follicles bent to his will, making way for his long fingers to intertwine in the locks. Sheppard let out something of a moan, his bent into the touch in an obvious plea for more.

Todd obliged, staying like that until he heard the Colonel’s breathing even out, his body going lax and perfectly still. Despite the peaceful moment, Todd’s heart still felt like it wanted to rip out of his chest. The Colonel wasn’t going to be able to walk tomorrow, not without splitting his wound in two again. Even carrying him was bound to be risky, and they couldn’t afford another stop.

His ear’s pricked when he heard rustling, Lewy’s heavy boots crunched across dry leaves with commanding power. Todd straightened, preparing for an argument.

Lewy came into the tree with an arm full of fruit and unceremoniously dumped it at Todd’s feet. “He is alive?”

“He is.” Todd tucked his enzyme coated hand behind his back, and stilled his stroking hand, leaving it in Sheppard’s hair.

Lewy eyed him suspiciously, “Is he fit to travel at daybreak?”

Ah, a complicated question. The short answer was no, the long one was that they’d be dead if Todd said no.

“I do not think so unless we can find a way to close his wound.”

Lewy scowled; his greenish-yellow eyes flashed in the low light. “He will have to be ready either way, we cannot stay here.

“I know that.” Todd retorted, sensory pits flaring in frustration.

The Wraith gazed down at him for a long while before his eyes fell to a sleeping Sheppard “Is he important to them? The Lanteans?”

Todd frowned. He was unsure whether he should answer that honestly or not. There was still hesitation in him about trusting this Wraith. Lewy had helped them, but how long would it last? Was he taking them to the stargate so he could take them to their death? He looked back down at Sheppard, “He’s important to me.”

Lewy folded his arms, staring down at the human with an intense sneer. Lewy had never approved of Human-Wraith Relationships beyond that of Worship. It was the only point of contention they’d ever had, the only disagreement. Todd’s past human partners had learned to steer clear of the Wraith with a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. “Commander…are you compromised?” It was blunt, blatant, and entirely and completely true.

Todd let out his own long breath, glancing down to make sure Sheppard showed no signs of wake before he answered, “Utterly…” it was risky, but Todd didn’t make it a habit to lie to his officers.

Lewy’s eye twitched, anger boiled in him and hung around him so thickly that Todd could almost see it. He managed to keep his composure sitting up straight and trying not to snarl, “So you’re in love with him, why.”

It wasn’t a question, it was a demand, not from Second to Commander but, from Hive brother to Hive brother.

Todd raised a finger to his lips, adopting a threatening stare “He showed me respect when he could have killed me, he honored a deal we made to spare each other’s lives.” He started to stroke again, and Sheppard whined in his sleep.

Lewy’s eyes narrowed, his frown turned to a sneer that felt more like it was directed at himself than at Todd, “Fine, then you should find a way to close that wound.”

“I already have an idea,” He ran his hand down Sheppard’s arm one last time before standing to retrieve what he needed to sew him back up.

Chapter 9: Things Fall Apart Part 1

Summary:

Things get hot in several different ways.

Notes:

Okay, so this is a long one that comes with a couple of trigger warnings (well, one). There's very explicit homophobia and internalized homophobia in this chapter, (because things can never just be easy for these characters). So I'm going to put a warning for where that starts in the story, and in the endnotes I'll update anyone who didn't read.

Other than that, enjoy!

John

He felt strange, not uncomfortable, just strange. Maybe it was the past few days, maybe it was the escape which seemed to have gone as badly as it could for John, barring recapture. Or…maybe it was the Alien goo or the way Todd applied it. The way his hand, surprisingly soft and gentle, had massaged the spot with a loose, casual restraint that told John he was perfectly safe, even being so venerable to attack. He slid his hand down to the wound, wincing at even that light pressure. Leaning over, he inspected it, wincing at how big and deep it appeared to be. It was going to need stitches…

“What a week,” He muttered. He was going to lie back down but, a few pinkish-yellow, smooth fruit-like things with no outer skin layer caught his attention. He was starving, and so he grabbed as many of them as he could and bit down without even thinking to check if they were poisonous. They tasted amazing, like strawberries and crème with honey on top, and their soft flesh was so juicy that it dripped down John’s chin and onto Todd’s coat. He must have eaten five of them before he was full, and even then, he ate a sixth.

Stomach full and feeling hydrated, he turned his attention back to the wound, eyeing with clearer scrutiny. It was bad, but he’d known that. Luckily, it didn’t seem to be infected yet.

He hoped that Todd’s enzyme would kill any Bacteria, an infection in that thing would kill him. Todd’s enzyme…He shuttered, toes curling in a way that made him blush. Fucking hell, what on Earth was wrong with him? Whatever he was feeling right now…at the memory of Todd leaning over him, golden eyes shining in the dark, hands caressing John…. Todd’s gaze dipping down to John's lips, John wanting more than that…Whatever he was feeling towards all that was way too similar to how he’d felt on his wedding day. And how he felt for…the both of them…all those years ago…

He growled, shaking away the painful memories, ‘Keep your mind focused, you’re not like that anymore.’

God, he hoped it was just the enzyme. Maybe skin-applied enzyme worked that same as the stuff that went into your bloodstream? Not likely but, it was the only barrier John had between him and his feelings.

His feelings, which were becoming shaper now that he wasn’t in agony.

“You are awake,” Todd ducked into the enclosure, he was holding something in his left hand.

John’s face bloomed with red, and he nodded quickly, curtly, like he wasn’t having a crisis “Where the hell are we?”

Todd chuckled, eyes shining, and came to sit beside the Colonel, “A hollowed out tree.”

“No kidding,” John tried to sit up but, Todd’s large feeding handheld him fast.

“No, stay still,” He opened his left to reveal what looked like a very thin bone, “I have to close it.”

“Did you make that?”

“I did, it is crude but, It will suffice,” his eyes raked over John’s torso, “It will hurt,”

“Please,” John sat up as soon as Todd’s hand pulled away again and he got far enough up that the Wraith let it go, “I’ve stitched up more wounds in foxholes with nothing by liquor and my wits than you ever have in your life,”

Todd shot him an assumed look, “Would you prefer to do it yourself?” He started threading the needle with what looked like string from the bag Lewy was carrying.

“Hell no, this isn’t Afghanistan,”

The Wraith chuckled, obviously doing his best to participate in a conversation where half the words were alien. “Very well,”

John snorted, eyeing Todd’s thread tying technique and wondering if he maybe should do it himself.

When started lining up the needle way too deep into his flesh, John made his decision, “On second thought, I should probably take over.”

He took the needle from Todd’s large, clawed hands, smirking at the Wraith’s look of relief, and turned it over a few times, getting a gauge for how much this was going to sting. “God, it would be great to have some scotch right now, or some whisky.”

“These are alcohols, correct?” Todd asked, sitting back against the dirt of the tree’s floor to watch John line up the needle himself.

“The best of the best,” John pushed it in, gritting his teeth. The thing was blunter than he would have wanted, and probably thick enough to have Dr. Keller faint but, it would get the job done. Besides, it was better than nothing, “Used to be handy out in Afghanistan in a pinch. Good for disinfecting and numbing.”

Todd gave him a look that clearly said, “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” and John was about to clarify when the Wraith said, “How long have you been an officer- uh…soldier?"

“Ever since I graduated Sanford- er, uh…since I was eighteen…uh…about twenty years”

“So not long then?”

John shrugged, “Not long for you, but twenty years is a long time for me,” He growled at the feeling of thread and bone against his tender skin. The gift of life would be great right now, but John didn’t want to get addicted.

Todd peered up at him “Are you happy?”

John frowned, hand pausing mid stitch. He thought back to his failure with Captain Holland, his court Marshal, and his almost dishonorable discharge. No one had asked him that in a long time. Not his brother, definitely not his father. General O’Neill wasn’t really a cuddly person, and everyone on Atlantis didn’t know much about his past.

Back then, on Earth, the answer might have been something like, ‘As long as I can keep flying aircraft’ or ‘sure, who wouldn’t be?’ But it was something more now, something better than a shrug. Here he had a purpose, a mission, a leadership role on one of the most important stargate expeditions ever. He was needed, he was liked, he had friends to exchange more than pleasantries with. Teyla, Ronan, and even Rodney had become like family, no, had become family, over the past years, good family, a nontoxic family that wasn’t full of pressure and pain.

Above all, his life meant something, not just to him but to the people around him too. He was more than just the heir to an empire or a Major in the Airforce; He was an expeditor, a Lieutenant Colonel, and a person whose opinion and influence mattered. His answer was clear.

“I am,” He said proudly, “I belong here like you belong at the helm of a Hive.”

Todd’s eyes shone, “Then you are happy?”

“I’m the happiest I’ve ever been,”

The Wraith, leaning back to look at John through lazy, content eyes. Several minutes of stitching went by before he asked “What is Af…gan..Afaganstan?”

“Afghanistan,” John corrected, “It’s a country that America is at war with,”

“I know of one of those words, Sheppard.”

Heat of a different kind rose to John’s cheeks and he chuckled slightly, “Right, sorry. So, Countries are like…Hives I guess because we’re all the same species. The people from Earth divided it up into chunks of land that different people, our version of Queens, rule over…usually. There are almost 200 of them.”

“And which is yours?”

“America,” He went to touch the patch on his jacket, frowned when it wasn’t there, and shook his head, “That patch I wear, that’s our flag.”

“And the one that Dr. McKay wears, that is?”

“Canada, our nice neighbors. And Dr. Zelenka is from the Czech Republic.”

“I see,” the way he said it made it sound like he absolutely did not see. He probably wasn’t used to a planet having more than one or two groups of people, let alone near 200 of them.

“Do your Hives have names?” John asked to give himself a chance to be confused.

Todd shrugged, “Not in the way that your countries do. Much like our real names, a Hive’s signature is purely telepathic.”

“Ah…So you guys really don’t call each other by names then? How do you refer to each other when you’re with other Wraith?”

Todd frowned like the answer should be obvious, “I…I am not sure what you ask.”

John groaned as the last few stitches went in, “Like uh…Rodney has a stick up his ass, or Teyla has a son and can kick my ass in the gym, stuff like that.”

“We would not,” Todd noticed John was done and bent down to sip the thread with his teeth. When he looked up, he said, “We would only discuss our friends when we are among others that share a mental connection with us. In a formal setting, we are referred to by our ranks, of which any Wraith of importance to the meeting can be distinguished using. Commander” he touched his chest, then pointed out to Lewy’s direction, “My second”

“Sounds pretty impersonal,” John tied off the string and fell back, too tired to inspect his work, it was probably terrible.

“As much as your naming system seems impersonal to me, Sheppard.”

“Because your names are so much more complicated?” he said halfway mockingly, waggling his eyebrows.

Todd smirked at him “They are nothing as primitive as a simple group of sounds if that is what you ask”

“Like Todd?” He suddenly felt ashamed, his eyes slid away from Todd.

Todd snorted, “I find that particular sound amusing but yes, not at all like ‘Todd’”

“Do you mind it?” John blurted out.

Todd shook his head, “It suffices for you to be able to identify me with your friends.”

“That’s not what I-”

“I do not mind it, Sheppard.” He leaned forward on his heels to turn John’s face to his, “Would you like to know it?”

John’s skin sparked at the contact, but he didn’t pull away. Instead, he nodded, intensely curious.

Todd smiled when reached out with his mind. John accepted and was soon intertwined with Todd again as they’d been in the cell. Todd nudged him to dig deeper. He did and was met by a flutter, then a shiver ran up his spine.

John was suddenly assaulted with a whirlwind of feelings, emotions, and…something he couldn’t quite place. The Wraith, the one he called Todd, was the feeling of static up his arms, the awe of raw power, and the rush of total command. He felt like warmth, security and tasted like the scent of smoke on a cold winter night around the fire. About a dozen other emotions ran through him all at once, all collimating into the image, the being, the embodiment of his friend. It was a reflection, it dawned on him, of John’s deepest affections, the raw truth of how he saw the Wraith. At the same time, it was how the Wraith saw himself…a double-sided mirror. There was still more, new things coming, but Todd pulled back before he saw. John gasped.

“You see-”

“Mother fucker,” John wiped at his eyes, had he been crying? “That’s…you…”

“That is me,” Todd said softly. He let John come down from it, let the Colonel process and grieve the loss of the feeling of the Wraiths being. John stared at him, stared at this strong, powerful male before him, and marveled at his patience for something a primitive as John’s species.

Once he was finally back, he asked, “How can I get one of those?”

Todd chuckled, and raked a hand through John’s hair, fingertips sparking the skin there, “You already have one, through our mental link.”

“Wh-What?” He sputtered, eyes wide and cheeks red.

“Your mind, Sheppard,” He purred, “Is linked with mine, is it not?”

“U-Uhuh…”

‘What do you believe I use to reach out to you?’ Todd mused in John’s mind, “I imagine you, the whole of you, as I see you before me.”

“Oh…” Was his lame response. Outside, he tried to keep it together but inside, his heart was racing, and he felt like he might explode from anticipation…among other secret things. ‘What does it feel like?’ that thought was supposed to be private but, Todd heard and barked out a laugh.

“It feels like you,” He answered.

“And…what do I feel like to you?” The Colonel wasn’t sure why he cared but, he did…for some reason.

Todd hesitated, there was reluctance there. Then he said, tentatively, ‘Would you like to see?’

“Y-You can…do that?”

“It is similar to transferring my pleasure during the feeding process,” there was still an undercut of doubt but, John ignored it. He wanted to see. If anything, it’d give the Colonel a better idea of how to communicate with Todd once they were back in normal circumstances.

He buried the real reason he wanted to know, running with the communication thing, and nodded.

Assurance, that was the first thing that John saw. Pride in work, positivity. He felt like a runner’s high, smelled of admiration and doubtlessness. John saw himself through Todd’s eyes, he felt the idea of connection, of contentment. He smelled leather and helicopter fuel. He felt the rush of the wind in his hair and the exhilaration of flying a Jumper. He tasted the air of battle, the scent of bullets and youth. He felt a beating heart, an endless supply of energy, a deep craving for flesh, for love, a yearning so strong that it almost ripped him apart.

He gasped again, this time physically moving his body away and severing their mental link abruptly and completely. His walls came down instinctively, shutting the Wraith out. Oh god, oh god there was still lust in his skin, love in his hair, his eyes leaked with longing. He was all over himself, and so was Todd.

Todd stared at him with the look of a man who both regrated everything and regrated nothing.

John stared back, frozen in time, unsure of what he just saw and so, so sure of it at the same time. Todd liked, no, Todd loved, no Todd ached for him. Ached for John, touched John because he ached for John.

And John ached for him.

Fuck, there it was.

Todd’s hands cupped his cheeks, tender, loving, “I have wanted to tell you for a long time, but I was not sure how, or when. I hoped that you would return my affections…as I suspect you do.”

Words hung on the Colonel’s tongue, pain bloomed in his chest, and desire coiled within him, ready to strike.

He had no idea what to say. He both wanted to run as far away as possible and meld his body to Todd’s for eternity.

Todd must have taken his silence for acceptance because he asked, “May I kiss you, Sheppard?”

No, yes, maybe? “Yes” The word fell from his lips like honey, drunk on wine.

“Are you sure?” it was kind of him to ask, to give John another chance to assemble his thoughts. John wasted it.

“Y-Yes…” He wasn’t sure, his mind screaming for a pause, but his body is begging for it, overriding everything. And his logical mind knew that nothing about this was bad. That this ache was everything right with the world, not the other way around. He should have stopped, of course, he should have come down off his high or shared his conflicted emotions with Todd, the way he knew he could. But instead…

“Just…kiss me.”

Todd closed their distance with a purr low in his chest. They pressed their lips together with a tenderness that sparked on John’s skin, that had him moaning and leaning into it. Todd pulled him closer, parted his lips, and let John in, let them taste each other. It was electric, hot, feverish, and desperate. Todd rolled them over as gently as he could and pressed John against the dirt, pinning him there for easy access. John accepted it all, reveling in losing the battle, in letting Todd take the lead. The Wraith was hot and heavy, all muscle and centuries of strength. He tasted like smoke, and desire felt like sandpaper and cotton. John wound his hands through the Wraiths hair, pulled him closer in a plea for more. ‘Yes,’ he thought to himself, ‘this is what I want.”

It was bliss, but bliss shatters like glass.

 

 

(Okay here is your skip to the end warning :) )

 

 

One moment John was feverishly pulling at Todd’s shirt, while a merciless assault on his bruised lips and neck took place. The next, he was sixteen, laying broken, bruised on the floor of his room, watching from hazy vision as his father took a bat to his head

“No!” He choked out, feverishly shoving Todd’s face away in a blind panic. His hand went searching for his stunner. The thing almost made contact but, Todd’s big hand was there to stop its attack.

“Sheppard?”

“Get off me!” He shoved out, struggling from under the Wraith who quickly retreated, panic lacing his golden eyes, “J-“

A choked sob escaped John’s throat. Words hung on his lips, exploded from his chest, “Get out!” he didn’t know he said it, he meant every word, ‘Get the hell out!”

Todd stayed frozen, he was a foot away from John, hands completely off him, but he was too close. Way too close.

John shoved against his chest, “Fuck off Todd!”

The Wraith did not move, maybe it was his own shock, so John took fists to his chest, trying to beat him into submission. But the Commander didn’t even grunt. Slurs hung on the Colonel’s lips but, they did not leave them. ‘I hate you' turned over in John’s head, begging to be let loose. He couldn’t say, he didn’t, oh god he didn’t-

“I’m not gay,” He spat, anger boiling off him like steam, “I’m not gay.”

“I don’t know what that-”

“Goddamit Todd leave me alone.” He yanked away, turned away, eyes flitting around the room, searching for something, anything, that wasn’t Todd. Anything he could hold onto before the dam broke.

A strong hand closed around his cheek, turned his head back forcibly. The two locked eyes, “Sheppard…”

“No…”

“Show me.”

John’s mind fell apart.

.

John is seven years old, watching the news with his Father. Patrick Sheppard sits in his black easy chair with a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other. Something’s happening on TV. John doesn’t quite understand but, he hears the words “Agenda” and “This illness” repeated throughout the broadcast.

“Hear that, son?” Patrick’s deep voice bellows over a blonde reporter's desperate pleading, “They’re taking over California. Do you know what that means?”
John shakes his head, he doesn’t.

Patrick ruffles John’s hair, cigarette ash tickles his skin, “It means we aren’t going to California anymore.”

“Okay, dad.”

.

John is 10, he’s eating dinner with his father and his little brother, Dave. Dave says something about seeing two men on the street on the walk home from school.

Patrick’s first is out before either brother knows what’s happening. It hits Dave square on the nose with an awful-sounding crack. Blood gushes from the boy’s nose, spilling onto the dark wood dining room table that’s engraved with gold. Tears run down his eyes like waterfalls and John watches, stunned into submission at their father’s outburst.

“Don’t you ever,” Patrick growls out, grabbing his son by the hair and yanking his head up, ‘bring that filth up in this house ever again.”

.

John is 13, his father storms in, beet red and slams a newspaper down on their marble kitchen counter. John looks up from his math homework and the doodle Michael Brown drew in the corner of his notebook.

“Can you believe this?!” Patrick shoves the paper to John who takes it, hand trembling, terrified of his father’s fist. The headline of the paper reads “Gerry Studds, first openly homosexual congressman, elected today.

“Oh…that’s uh…gross, dad.” John’s heart pounds in his ears, he tenses, waiting to be hit, or screamed at, or pushed off his barstool chair. Can Patrick see what’s brewing inside him? Does he know what John feels for the boy who doodles in the margins of his heart?

Instead, Patrick ruffles John’s hair, “I can only thank God that I have two healthy boys.” He bends down, cups John’s cheeks, and grins.
John grins back forcing down salty tears.

.

John is 14, John is kissing Michael Brown in the boy’s bathroom between first and second period. Michael loves him, he loves Michael.

Michael is dead the next week. His parents beat him to death with a bat. John keeps his doodles close, sealing them away in an envelope he keeps under his queen mattress where no one ever looks.

.

John is 16, camping with Tommy Gardner. Tommy waxes poetic about stonewall, about gay rights, about condoms. John stares through long lashes, he watches Tommy scribble out poem after poem about life as a gay kid in 1986, a gay kid during the AIDS epidemic. John writes his own poems, ones about his father, about loving Michael, about loving Tommy. He keeps them under his bed, along with the doodles. Locked away, like his heart.

John is sixteen and rushed to the ER for major bodily trauma. John is sixteen and almost dies. John is sixteen and his father almost kills him after finding his poems and doodles one day. John is sixteen, John burns the poems, replacing them with Air Force pamphlets and Nancy. He keeps the doodles for another year. He burns them the day Tommy is sent off to conversion therapy.

.

John is sixteen, John is eighteen, John is twenty, John is thirty-eight. John is not gay. John is not bisexual. John is straight. John is healthy.

.

When the memories faded, John was sobbing into Todd’s shoulder. He gripped the male tightly, shivering against his muscular body and spilling salt onto his shirt.

“Sheppard…” Todd mumbled, stroking John’s hair comfortingly.

“Don’t…” John just managed to get out, “I can’t…”

“I did not know, I believed it normal for humans to-”

“For God’s sake Todd,” John pulled away, “I’m in the goddamn military.” He wiped his eyes, but they just blurred again.

“I do not-”

“Of course, you don’t.” John found himself, for possibly the first time ever, wishing Rodney was here. He wished he hadn’t had to share all that with someone who could ever understand the concept of homophobia…of “don’t ask, don’t tell,” of conversion therapy and AIDS and religious fathers and all that fucked up shit. Rodney would understand…he’d…he’d probably say something stupid and scientific to try and make John feel better but, he’d understand all the same.

The Colonel just sat there, hugging his knees even though his wound hurt like hell. He rocked back and forth, trying to calm down but failing.

“What can I do?” Todd asked cautiously.

John nodded through blurred vision, “Y-You can leave…” he sobbed, “I need to be alone right now…”

“I think that is the last thing you need,” the pain in him was evident.

John looked up, met his eyes, and scowled, “R-Remember our conversation about boundaries?” he pulled Todd’s coat around his skin, shutting the Wraith out in another way.

“Yes,” Todd crouched down to face the shaking colonel “but these are not your boundaries, John Sheppard. They are your fathers.”

John’s mouth fell open to protest but, Todd held a hand up, “But, I will not stay if that is what you need from me right now.”

“I…” his eyes watered, “I…It is…” John tried to catch his breaking heart before it hit the ground.

Todd sighed and shook his head, “I’m sorry that I didn’t see your pain,” He said softly, “I should have…” He trailed off, a soft growl under his breath, “know that I am here when you are ready.” With that, he was gone, leaving John to watch his own beating heart spill against the dirt, stained.

~

John spent the rest of the night awake, thinking. He knew he should sleep, of course, he needed to keep his strength up for the long walk ahead. But he couldn’t. The memory of how Todd saw him kept replying in his head, over and over couple with Patrick Sheppard’s screaming. His hateful words, slurs, and threats rang in John’s ear like gunshots. Worst of all was that his father was dead, buried in the dirt like the worm he was.

‘How can something stick after it dies?’ he wondered

His father had plagued him all his life. From the moment his mother had a boy, John’s fate was supposedly sealed. He’d grow up wealthy, be raised and groomed to take over this father’s utilities business when the time came, and marry some nice girl to have more sons to take over when he was dead and buried. It didn’t exactly go to plan.

For one thing, from as early as ten, John realized he liked the men on TV just as much as the women. He’d been pretty good at hiding it. He made sure to let all of his traditionally masculine qualities shine for the public; guns, beer, football, all things John genuinely loved. Problem was, he loved slow songs, fruity drinks and the boy next door just as much. Even so, up until he was sixteen, John and Patrick’s relationship had been rocky for other reasons. He wasn’t interested in utilities, or business, not like Dave was. And though he got good grades in school, all he wanted to do was be on the football team, something he was never allowed to do because it might damage his brain.

All that had only made things worse when his father found his secret stash. There’s a scar on John’s shoulder where he was shot with his own handgun, in his room, while no one else was home. There are pricks on his arm where glass shards stung his flesh. Sometimes he could still feel the chokehold and the black eye, the broken thumb and split lip. His own signed baseball bat falling against his skull until his mother threatened to leave Patrick if he swung one more time…

The best thing about being in the military, he thought, was that it explained away all the scars. Sometimes even John would seal them to places that weren’t his house. The shoulder wound was Afghanistan during a shootout. Glass? Shattered window under heavy gunfire. The small dent in his skull was from when he hit a rock on the way out of a helicopter. It was nice to pretend he could attribute them to some large unknown entity rather than the man who raised him.

He rubbed his arms, drawing them around himself for comfort. Todd’s coat was heavy on him, the strange leather was warm, and it blocked out the chill of the night.

Just like Todd…it was comforting, secure, and safe.

When exactly had he come up with the idea that Todd was safe?

Probably sometime around when Todd had demonstrated it.

Guilt shot through him at the way he’d acted. None of what had just happened was Todd’s fault, none of it. The Wraith had no concept of the things that John was haunted with. John wasn’t even completely sure Todd read emotion the same way humans did. He’d asked…John’s eyes blurred with tears, and John had accepted. To the Commander, that was consent. And it was consent to John too. He’d wanted it…he’d just…he just realized halfway through that he didn’t…that he couldn’t.
John should have let him see the turmoil that wasn’t visible in his eyes. If Todd had just seen…he wouldn’t have kissed him…John was sure of that, Todd clearly respected his boundaries, clearly cared enough to hold back.

The Colonel hoped Tod didn’t think John blamed him for it.

“Fuck,” He mumbled, drawing closer. His heart rate spiked, he shuttered. He wanted Todd, just like he’d wanted Michael and Tommy…he wanted those big hands on him; on his hips, in his hair, around his torso. He wanted to taste the Wraith, wanted to kiss him raw and then some more. He wanted to see under that shirt, in those tight leather pants…And knowing the Wraith wanted the same was exhilarating.

But, he couldn’t.

If anyone on base found out, anyone like Callaghan, John could be dishonorably discharged in a heartbeat. He’d have to leave Atlantis and go back to Earth with nothing. Maybe his brother would let him crash on the couch for a while but, it wouldn’t matter. If John couldn’t be on Atlantis, hell, if he couldn’t fly…he couldn’t live. And even barring all that, Todd was a Wraith, and Rodney, Teyla, and Ronan would never accept that.

What a goddamn mess…

Notes:

So basically what happened is John showed Todd trauma from his childhood regarding his homophobic father (because who didn't read Patrick Sheppard as extremely conservative and Homophobic?) And then John rejects Todd (kinda) and Todd leaves. John mulls it over and feels horrible about the whole thing.

Thank you everyone for all the support!

Chapter 10: Things Fall Apart Part 2 (Things Collide)

Summary:

Todd and John have a lot to work through. Will they kiss and make up or will I turn the candle around and burn the other end? Maybe both at the same time?

In no time, light was creeping into the tree hollow, a single ray falling on John’s face and disturbing him out of his half-awake stupor. He blinked in the light, hulling himself with a hand on his side. It felt different today. It was definitely healed more than it should have been, and some of the redness and some of the swelling had gone down. It was still pretty bad though and would be until he could get to Dr. Keller.

Warmth bloomed in him at the prospect of being so close to home. He imagined walking through the Stargate and into the command center; the shock on everyone’s faces when they see him alive and breathing. Teyla, Rodney, and Ronan flooding him with questions as he’s rushed to the infirmary…getting this damn wound stitched properly, having a hot meal made by a familiar face…

John could have spent the rest of the day fantasizing about his homecoming if it hasn’t been for Lewy barging in and demanding John “Get up, The Commander says that we are leaving soon.”

John grimaced, pain replacing the warmth as memories from the last night came flooding back, hitting John like a tidal wave. He forced himself to keep a straight face under the embarrassment, shame and grief that bubbled up in him.

He rose to his feet, with a grunt of pain. “How uh…is T- The Commander?”

Lewy looked down at him with narrow eyes, “Just get ready, and hurry, he wants to keep moving as soon as possible.”

John sighed, he waited for him to say more but the Wraith just stared at him, keeping his eyes narrow and sneering with distrust. John took the moment to size him up. He and Lewy were almost the same height, the Wraith being slightly larger. John found himself considering how much effort it would take to win against him in combat. Not that they were at all balanced right now. With John’s side the way it was, Lewy could easily take him. The thought made him nervous.

When Lewy left, John let himself relax, feeling tension he didn’t know he was holding, release. It came back full force when he remembered he had to see Todd again. He really wasn’t looking forward to that, not after everything that happened last night. He hoped to God that the Wraith wouldn’t take it personally…

‘Please don’t take it personally…’ he begged to himself, hoping that somehow it reached Todd’s completely closed-off mind.

No response

He expected nothing less but, it still hurt. He found himself missing the familiar pressure which had existed upon him this past week like a warm blanket. Once again, Todd felt safe, represented safe.

God, he was so screwed.

By the time John ate again and gathered what little he had, Todd and Lewy were already scouting out the best way to go. The Colonel lingered at the edge of the tree for a moment, reluctant to actually walk out and into the scrutiny of the forest. It only took Todd a few moments to notice his presence. Half-lidded eyes slid over to John, glancing up and down his body with intent curiosity and concern. It was too much for John and he tore his eyes away, looking down at the tannish dirt of the forest floor.

That was the wrong move because the Wraith stalked up to him, carefully, until they were close enough that John could reach out and touch him.

“Sheppard, can you walk?” It was gentle, friendly as if their previous conversion had never happened.

Something about that rubbed John the wrong way but, he wasn’t sure why. He had asked Todd to leave him alone, after all, and John was thankful that the Wraith wasn’t trying to strike up a conversation right now. Still, it begged the question; would Todd ever bring it up? or was their kiss the new Koyla? He forced himself to meet Todd’s eyes, searching them for something that wasn’t bored neutrality. When he found nothing, he grit his teeth and nodded curtly. He hugged Todd’s coat closer

Shit, Todd’s coat.

“Here, take your coat back.” He pulled it off, shivering in the cool air and thrust it out to Todd, keeping his eyes averted.

The Commander took it, long nails brushing John’s soft skin on retreat, “Are you cold?” He questioned in a way that made John’s heart leap.

The Colonel stamped the feeling out, snapped his eyes to meet Todd’s and shook his head, “No,”

Todd definitely didn’t believe him. His sharp eyes trailed down John’s bare torso in a way that wasn’t completely clinical before he reached up to pull his leather tank top off his body.

John forced his gaze away from the incredible amount of muscle that adorned him. His broad shoulders and hard lines created no illusions, the Commander was as ripped as John, if not more.

More, definitely more.

John gulped as the thing was handed to him, he pushed it back, “I’m. Fine.” He wasn’t interested in any favors right now.

Todd growled in frustration, “You are injured, you will take his, or I will return my coat.”

John met his eyes again, saw the resolute nature of a General, and snatched back the warmer option, that probably didn’t smell so much like Todd did. He pulled the coat back around him and fixed Todd with a similar look.

The Commander’s lips formed a half-smile before he quickly forced it down and pulled his shirt back on.

They kept their eyes on each other, letting the eye contact do the talking neither of them were willing to do mentally or physically. ‘Talk to me’ Todd’s seemed to say. John’s answered, ‘no’ not yet, he wasn’t ready yet.

Would he ever be ready?

Lewy growled lowly, breaking the tension, “Come on, we are losing daylight.”

There was a heaviness that hung in the air as they walked, a tension that hadn’t been there since the first time Todd had come to Atlantis. And there was silence, deafening silence. The Buzz of Todd’s mind was out of reach for the first time in days. Anger surged through John for a moment. He strangled it, forcing it down and stamping it out. He’d made his position clear, he Wasn’t gay and, even if he was, he wasn’t interested. And even if he was interested, he couldn’t go through with it, so it didn’t matter if he had feelings…which he definitely didn’t. Todd was only doing what John asked and leaving him the fuck alone to work through it all. Still, the Colonel couldn’t pretend that the loss didn’t feel like a gut punch. He’d gotten used to the pressure of Todd’s thoughts on his own, he didn’t like not knowing what the Commander was thinking. Especially since the Wraith seemed resigned to remain neutral despite last night.

‘Stop it, you’ll only confuse the situation. And you can’t have this get out of hand again.’ He chided himself, setting his eyes forward along their bumpy path. His side was starting to ache again from the constant motion, and he felt a little woozy. He kept his mouth closed, not wanting to start another formal conversion with the Commander.

The forest grew to be more and more like a jungle the further the group went. Thick, black roots crawled over overgrown paths, wide leaves blocked out the sun, creating a dusk-like light that only grew harder to navigate as the hours wore on. Slow, painful hours for John who’s throat ached for water and his body screamed for rest.

Lewy, unlike Todd, did not seem to care that the human’s legs were shorter and that his were stronger. He barreled ahead of them, holding up a little device that was probably a high-tech compass. Every so often, he’d look back and growl at both Commander and Colonel. The fact that Tod stayed relatively at John’s pace had to be a good sign, right?

Sometime around late afternoon, exhausted from the walking without any break for water or food- he was too stubborn to admit a need for either- and aching from the way it bothered his wound, John tripped over a particularly large root and landed square on his stomach and a strangled groan.

Todd rushed over, bent down, and helped the shaking Colonel to his feet, only for John’s worn-out body to collapse against his own, heaving.

Lewy turned back and snarled, “Is he not supposed to be stronger than that?”

“He is injured.” Todd snapped, hulling John to rest at the base of the tree.

John leaned against it, eyes closed, and holding his aching side, “Just give me like…ugh, five minutes.”

He practically felt Lewy roll his eyes.

Before long, something was brought to his lips and Todd told him to “Drink”

“You’ve had water this whole time?” John criticized before gulping down mouthfuls of the refreshing liquid. It did little to soothe his throat which felt scratchy and raw. His head was pounding now and sweat shined on his skin despite the cool temperature. Fever symptoms, infection symptoms.

“We must keep moving, human,” Lewy said roughly, taking the water back mid-drink.

“Yeah, yeah, I just need like five minutes.” He groaned and grabbed at his aching side. When he raised his hand, he was shocked to find fresh blood coated it.

Todd pulled the coat away to reveal the wound, he snarled, “Some of the stitches have split, we have to resew it.”

“No,” John added breathily, ignoring how badly he wanted to rest for longer, “Lewy’s right, we’re in broad daylight on a hostile planet, we have to keep moving,” He tried to stand and gasped at the pain of another tread loosening and the scab tearing. It sent him back down to the ground, teeth grit, fists clenched

“Shep-"

“Shu-"
Overhead, the faint droning of darts could be heard. Everyone in the group went ridged. Panic welled in John’s chest.

“How far away is the Stargate? Todd questioned tightly, multitoned voice low in his throat.

“At least half a day’s walk from here, we are dangerously far from it, especially if we can hear them.”

“Then you are right, we must keep moving,” There was a moment of pause, a reluctance. John stiffened up when Todd heaved his body up, situating them so that the Colonel was practically hugging him.

“Put me the hell down, Todd, I’m a soldier too,” He growled.

“You are not as prideful as you are intelligent, Sheppard, act like it.”

As much as he wanted to, John couldn’t complain. Todd was right, he couldn’t really walk anymore and, Lewy sure as hell wasn’t going to carry him. He did his best to ignore how his heart skipped a beat at the prospect of being so close to Todd. “Fine.”

~

The jog was full of silence and the occasional grunting. Many times, they had to stop to press themselves against trees, mistaking every twitch in the wind or rustle in the trees for the threat of a dart. Despite their efforts, the group was still miles away from the Stargate and night was quickly approaching. When It grew too dark, they stopped just as the trees started to taper off into a more thinly treed section of the forest with a little stream that ran in the direction they walked. Despite the lack of a mental link, John could practically hear the Commander’s apprehensive thoughts. They radiated from him like smoke from a fire.

John would be lying if he also didn’t feel exposed. He’d suggested that they take the wider way, one shrouded in the shade of the thick forest but, both Todd and Lewy had insisted that the quicker way was worth the risk. John was in no position to argue, having the least meaningful military rank here, and the weakest body. While John might have been able to stand up to Lewy in peak condition, Todd was a whole other story. He was at least twice as heavy, nearly a foot taller, and much, much stronger. There was no getting out of where these two lead him, especially not when he was in Todd’s arms.

When they stopped, Todd set John down at the base of another tree and moved aside the coat.

“How bad?” John said hoarsely. His throat hurt despite the water he’d had.

“You will make it, but you must not move too much, or we might not…” He traced a finger around the out edge, “It is infected, to resew it would only make it worse.”

“Enzyme…” John said reluctantly and closed his eyes.

“Agreed…”

John suffered through the pain of applying it in silence, keeping his eyes away from Todd’s slick hands and trying not to tense at every gentle caress. His heart was breaking all over again and he wanted nothing more than for this to be over.

By the time Todd pulled away, John was visibly shaking, a lump caught in his throat and eyes wet with held back tears.

“Sheppard…” Todd said softly. John moved his head away from the hand that tried to cup his jaw.

“J-Just leave m-me alone…” He shifted away from the Commander, bringing the coat up around him.

Todd made a sound like a sigh and sunk down to a kneeling position, probably to give the Colonel a sense of equality; Is this it, Sheppard, is this how we end?”

John looked up and over to meet his dilated eyes, “end?” he echoed starkly.

“Yes, end. Soon we will arrive at the stargate and we will go our separate ways…and I do not know the next time we will see each other…” He looked off to the side, “Our journey, everything we have been through and everything we have shared? Does it all end just like this, back where we started before it began?”

John groaned and rubbed his face, “No…ugh, God Todd I’m just asking for a little space.”

“I know…but I do not want to leave you on a sour note, not again…”

“Well, I don’t want to talk about it,” he did want to talk about it, but he shoved those emotions down and looked around the forest resolutely.

Todd shifted back, pulling away from John so they were at a respectable distance, “Then I will never understand, you know that.”

“That’s the point, you can’t understand. And, even if you could, I can’t explain it to you…”

“Why not?”

“Because” John tugged at his own hair, “because you didn’t even know what America was, Todd…how am I supposed to explain an entire culture to you? It’s a lot more nuanced than my dad beating me up for fucking a guy.”

Todd winced, then sat back his heels, “You could at least try.”

“What do you care? You’re like twelve thousand years old…does it really mean that much to you?” his eyes flicked over Todd’s body, noting that Todd could probably get anyone with it. “Can’t you just find someone else…?”

Todd’s eyes flashed and his jaw clenched, “Just because I have seen many eons does not mean that I do not feel or that I do not have real emotions that carry the same weight as your own.” He looked away and, suddenly, Todd seemed like the more uncomfortable one. “You have no idea how I feel about you…”

John blushed involuntarily, “I have a bit of an idea.”

Todd shook his head, “Truly, you do not,”

“Todd,” John said a little louder, trying to get the point across “I can’t reciprocate your feelings. I’m sorry but that’s just the harsh truth…”

“Because of your father?”

“No…”

“The because of what you think your friends will thin-"

“No!” John almost shouted, “God, this is exactly what I mean, there’s nothing about this situation that would make sense to you!”

Todd’s eyes flashed, he snarled and got to his feet to tower over the Colonel, “I’ve had enough of this. I am growing impatient with this game of hot and cold, Sheppard, I have borne and laid out the tragedies of my past in search of simple common ground. I had expected a little more give-"

“I could be discharged and kicked off of the Atlantis expedition!” John blurted out, glaring up at Todd.

Todd froze where he was, his pupils retracted and his whole body tensed, “What?”

“God fucking dammit!” John kicked the ground with his boot and brought his head back against the tree with an angry thump, “Gay men- fuck, men who like men and go around fucking flaunting it aren’t exactly accepted in the Goddamn Air Force.”

The Wraith reached out with his mind, immediately, asking for more information. John did the only thing he could think of and accepted it. He passed nearly forty years of American Military policy to Todd’s open claws, along with a tidal wave of emotion towards it. Not just his, but fellow servicemen and women who had been discharged right in front of him both before and after Clinton’s infamous policy.

Todd took it all in with a haunted expression. When the Colonel’s onslaught finally stopped, the Wraith came back down to his level and said, very tightly, like he would scream if he didn’t force an even tone, “That is absurd…”

“F-Fucking tell me about it,” the Colonel shot back, whipping at his wet eyes and then bringing his arms back around his trembling body.

“Shep-“

“I can’t be with you, Todd. I want to…god I want to…” he shuttered, memories flitting back into view and making him draw back from the link in disgust. He shouldn’t want to…

Todd caught it, seized it, and pulled it back. With his physical body, he clasped John’s hands and held them there in a comforting squeeze, “Do not leave again, please…”

The Colonel bent under his will, allowing himself to be held like that. The lump in his throat returned, as did the warmth he felt when Todd touched him. He blinked and tears ran down his cheeks, wetting his bobbing Adam’s apple, “I want to…but it would never work…b-because we would never be able to see each other…and…even if we could…” He started to slide again, and Todd’s grip tightened, nudging John back off the ledge his mind teetered on. He bit his lip to force back something that felt like a sob, “And…even if I had…h-had a father that loved me…it wouldn’t change the law…This is all I have, Todd, this posting is everything to me…there’s literally nothing back on Earth for me…”

“I understand,” Todd whispered defeatedly, sweeping a thumb over the back of John’s palm. “Sheppard, if I had known, you know I would not have…”

“Yeah…” His voice cracked, “I know…”

They stayed there for what felt like an eternity. At some point, John dropped his head on Todd’s shoulder, savoring the feeling of hard muscle and the comfort the Wraith exuded. Disgust in himself crawled up his spine, trying to strangle him.

“I am sorry that you have to live with these thoughts,” Todd mumbled. He brought one of his hands up to rest in John’s hair. “If I could take them away…”

“Stop,” John choked out, leaning into the touch.

“I-“

“Seriously, if you think about it then I’ll think about it and we’ll end up fighting again…”

Todd almost laughed, “We do argue quite frequently,”

“We're both too stubborn for our own good…” he pulled his hands away from Todd’s so he could bring them up to Todd’s arms. “I’m sorry for how I acted last night…”

“I should be sorry; I should not have been so forward…”

“No, I let the enzyme get the best of me, you had no idea I was gonna react that way.”

“Indeed…” He brought his forehead down to John’s, “Then I will apologize for letting my own emotions…get the best of me, as you say

The Colonel chuckled sadly, “Yeah…thanks I guess…”

Todd’s mouth was silent, but his mind was loud, clamoring with questions and worry.

“What’s on your mind, buddy?” John asked softly.

“It is not important…”

“Tell me anyway,”

The Commander shifted “Will you still…” he cleared his throat, “will I still have you?” His eyes slid around the forest “I am afraid…Sheppard, you may be the only friend I have left…I do not want to lose what we have built…”

John pulled back to look him in the eyes, “We don’t leave our people behind,” he smiled halfheartedly, “For as long as I’m alive, you’ll always have a friend on Atlantis.”
Todd returned the smile full force “Perhaps that can be enough for me, for both of us…”

He paused, sighed and put his head back on Todd’s shoulder, “I think we could try…”

Todd moved like he was going to speak but, Lewy came racing up to them, arms outstretched, “Get to cover, there is a fighter approaching!”

Todd hulled the Colonel up and darted to the side, towards the cover of a thicker bunch of trees. Lewy followed suit jumped to the side and narrowly missing the beam that scanned the ground, searching for them.

When they were hidden, Todd put the John down, cat eyes wide, and pulled put his stunner, crouching low to the ground. John, despite not being able to hold his own weight, took out his own.

The Dart zoomed overhead, not appearing to have, miraculously, seen them quite yet. For a moment, no one moved, no one breathed. The only sound was the drone of the Dart, and the rustling of leaves in the wind. John exhaled when the droning grew quieter.

“Do you think it's safe?” he mouthed at Todd who shook his head,

‘They will not leave until they’re sure,’ and sure enough, the dart doubled back toward them.

Finally, after a couple more petrifying minutes of the dart going back and forth in their general area, its noise faded to nothingness, for real this time.

The whole group exhaled. John let himself relax against the new tree again. That was close, too close almost. He shook away the discomfort that seemed to crawl all over him, chalking it up to the whirlwind of emotions he and Todd seemed determined to throw each other into.

Todd, on the other hand, was doing his best to hide his apprehension which John could definitely feel now that their link was open again. He locked eyes with the Commander and gave him a reassuring smile, ‘it's okay, we’re safe’ but he wasn’t sure he believed that.

Still, it was all both Wraith and human could do but accept that the danger was gone, at least for now.

~

They set up a makeshift camp near the tree. John tried his best to forget his worry and focus on not bleeding out. Every attempt to move him just made the wound worse, and another stitching attempt would definitely be the wrong thing to do seeing as the wound was definitely infected. It was all he could do to hold Todd’s coat to it and pray that he could make it through the night.

Eventually, Lewy and Todd left him to go and find food, gather more water and, to discuss their next steps.

Discomfort hit John again as he watched them go. Something seemed wrong about this. Now that he’d had more time to involuntarily think about, it was strange that the Dart was alone. That didn’t happen often. Something about that narrow miss seemed too easy…as did the quiet that came after. No new Darts? It seemed almost improbable.

“Stop that” He chided himself. There was nothing wrong. If there was something to go wrong, then it would have gone wrong by now. Maybe these feelings were coming from his encroaching fever and the chills that ran up and down his worn body. God, he felt awful. He really needed to get to an infirmary…

~

“Sheppard! Sheppard wake up!” someone shook his body, rousing John from a deep sleep. The soldier shot to his feet, a trained response to danger. Adrenaline kept the pain of moving at bay.

“Todd?” John’s brown furrowed when realized that the panicked voice was coming out of an even more panicked looking Todd, he lowered his stunner, “Whats-"

“You have to run,” Todd said, “West, towards the gate,”

“Wha-"

“No time to explain, you have to go now while I hold him at bay.”

“I don’t-“ his head spun, alarm bells were clanging in their shared mind

“Sheppard,” the Commander grabbed John's hands, pressed his forehead against John’s, “do you trust me?”

“Of course but-"
“Then run” Todd hissed, pulling back, “now, and if I can, I will meet you on Atlantis.”

“Todd-"

“Run!”

Notes:

Okay, argh! I'm sorry that I was gone forever lol (I was gone so long that a draft of a prolonge I'd hoped to start publishing by now is about to delete)

Anyways I had major writer's block for this part of the story and it really doesn't help that my professors just PILED me with work :(

I've got a question though;

So I'm pretty new to the SG fandom as a whole. Like last year new. I'd only seen a little of SG-1 when I got into Atlantis when my dad was like:

"God, I've watched SG-1 an alarming amount of times and I sure don't want to have to watch it again all the way through, maybe I can get my daughter into Atlantis instead so we can at least watch something I've only seen a concerning amount of times" (No judgment, I too want to watch these series a bunch of times)

Obviously, it worked (but I'm making my way through SG-1 now)

So my question is about the books. I don't know a lot about active fan forums, and I trust the opinions of you guys anyways. So I noticed people are calling Todd "Guide" so naturally, I wanted to look into that. I really don't like the idea that the books put forth that the Wraith have pronounceable names. (I've been operating under the common headcanon that the names are telepathic). Like, I don't hate the concept as a whole but I was kinda disappointed to find out that he had an actual name you could write down. At least it's still based on "feeling" as the wiki puts it.

So my question is really two questions

1. Have you read the books and are they worth it?

2. Do you consider them canon? What parts if you do and why not if you don't.

Personally, I'd only use their lore for writing if I knew enough about that lore (because duh how else would I write about it?) And they wouldn't change anything about this series because this fic is 3/4ths done and I already have my extensive Todd lore spelled out.

I know I'm sticking with the show's idea of how the Wraith came about when I write my prologue.

Really I'm just curious as to your thoughts and opinions on the books and if you even care lol. I might be reading way too much into this but I tend to get like that.

As always, thank you so much for all the support, Comments, and Kudos!

Chapter 11: A King's Ransom

Summary:

Todd and John are ambushed and torn in two different directions.

Todd- An hour earlier

Todd’s sick feeling wasn’t just coming from the situation with Sheppard. No, there was something in the air, something around him that crackled like lightening and demanded his attention.

This was all too easy.

Twelve thousand years of life had taught the Commander that the Wraith were a resourceful, brutal and, most of all, persistent race. There should have been hundreds of darts in the sky looking for them, yet only a few had been spotted and only one had gotten close. That was unlike any Wraith Hive Todd had even known of, especially when the runaways were a New Lantean, a top officer, and Todd himself, the Wraith with a bounty on his head. He’d kept that particular tidbit from Sheppard from the beginning, knowing that if the Lanteans knew just how badly other Wraith wanted to get their hands on him, they never would have agreed to an alliance.

“A King’s ransom” Koyla had once mocked, reminding Todd that if he stepped out of line even once, the Genii traitor would be more than happy to pawn him over to the highest bidder and reap the rewards in earnest.

As if starvation wasn’t enough to force Todd to bend to his will.

Todd knew why, of course, he was a legend, a cautionary tale among Wraith, of what happens when you see humans as equals. They blow up Hive ships with the information you gave them.

He hadn’t been kidding when he’d told Sheppard that it took millennia to find a Hive that didn’t recognize him by face, one where he could sit among his kind and listen to stories of “Dying Ember,” “He-Who-Would-Sell-The-Stars,” “One-Who’s-Path-Has-Eclipsed” “Supernova” and many, many other names which openly mocked his original titles and honors without anyone knowing it was him. The days of “Guide,” “Way-Finder,” “Quicksilver,” “Starlight” and “He-Who-Covets-The-Universe” among others, were long gone and, the starburst that adorned him had become a symbol of mutiny, instead of the command, respect and desire it used to hold. He was lucky to have found that new Hive that didn’t associate mark with Wraith.

But Todd did, and to hate one’s own markings was in itself a fate worse than death. How he loathed them sometimes.

It had been a bit of a lie to tell Sheppard that Wraith did not verbalize identification. They did, but those verbal identification were so primitive, so underwhelming compared to knowing another Wraith well enough to experience a full mind impression, that it hardly mattered. Especially when a Wraith’s verbal name could vary from Hive to Hive depending on how they were seen. Todd’s name was his mind impression and only his mind impression, all others were shorthand and were not of any use except to remind him of a painful past.

In a way, he welcomed Sheppard’s name for him because it didn’t have anything to do with stars. Of course, Sheppard probably would never give him such a name. Mind impressions were not instinctual for him as they were for Todd. Sheppard would likely never fully understand the difference, even though he had experienced it. That was all for the best, the Wraith supposed, it meant that Todd could remain Todd. He could remain this separate thing that was special, unique only to the bond Sheppard and he shared.

Also, if he was being honest, the Commander hadn’t felt like explaining the layers of Wraith culture to the human while he was trying to confess his desire. At the time, he’d expected that the pair would have a lot of time to discuss those things after they’d broken the years of tension.

Perhaps, one day, they would but, for now, Todd would have to resign himself to friendship.

“We should discuss,” Lewy said, breaking Todd out of his thoughts and back to that sick feeling that wouldn’t go away.

Perhaps Todd was so used to betrayal that he couldn’t allow himself to hope that Lewy could actually want to help him. He was almost sure that the lack of darts had something to do with his former second.

“Discuss?”

“Our plan for the Stargate, where we will be going from here,” Lewy answered with a note of impatience. He held water bottles in his hand, indicating a trip to the stream.

“Is there a plan?” Todd rose from where he had been sitting on a fallen tree log to instead walk with him.

“Of course, Commander, there is a Hive-“

“A Hive that would have me?” Todd bit out in amusement.

“Not a prominent one but, yes.”

Todd eyed him suspiciously, “Who leads this Hive?”

“A young queen, one you have not met before but, who is eager to meet you.”

“The Queen you truly serve?” Todd looked him up and down, “Forgive me, but I would like to see your mark of allegiance.”

“I had to have it removed to go undercover,” the Wraith said matter-of-factly, like he didn’t mind.

The comment brought Todd’s feeding hand go to his right bicep where patches of discolored skin marked where his former Queens had carved their symbols from his flesh. A shuttering breath betrayed his wandering mind.

“Commander?”

Todd shook his head, “It is nothing…What does this Queen go by?”

“The Queen of the Lone Star”

He snorted. He had heard of her, heard that she was young and weak. Her name came from her lack of an alliance. He’d also heard something else about her, but he couldn’t quite recall it…

“You do not have the liberty to be picky as you once did, Commander”

“She must be desperate if she is seeking my council,” He drawled.

“I assured her that despite your past, there is a reason that you were once desired by even the Queen of Sprawling Skies,”

He bared his teeth at the mention of the name of the Queen he had once served, and Lewy moved a step further to the side, away from Todd. Amusing.

“In any case, she is drawn to your wisdom, and eager for a way to stop the depletion of resources,”

“I will bet that she is,” he said icily, “if only they had listened to me a universe ago.” he paused for a moment, distracted by the crack of a branch. A quick flash in the corner of his eye was all it took to locate the small creature he had mistaken for an enemy.

Todd could tell that Lewy was holding back a snicker when he said “Now that they are desperate, they just might.”

Todd regarded him with a sidelong glance, “They would rather destroy each other.”

“Perhaps, but you were revered for a reason,”

“And I am also hated, they will not listen to me, not anymore.”

“You simply have not found the right they,”

He shook his head, “I will come with you to see this Queen first.”

“Then it is decided.”

They arrived at the stream and Lewy bent to retrieve water. Todd watched him with arms folded, leaning against a nearby tree and wracking his brain for What he couldn’t remember about Lone Star. It must have been information relayed by Koyla after a beating because it was hazy. Todd wasn’t a Wraith to forget anything.

“The human will probably need food again soon,” Lewy reminded when he rose from gathering water.

“Hmm…I need to walk alone for a little always, I will meet you back here?”

“As you wish, Commander”

Todd headed off in the direction of the strong scent of fruit. “Something…” He muttered, looking up and around at the forest cover. The little light from dusk that had shone through was long gone, creating an eerie darkness only cut by the sounds of the forest nightlife.

There was something he was missing about this, something extremely important. Lone Star was a Keeper Queen. Keeper Queens, such as the one that Sheppard and his team had killed, kept and monitored Wraith in Stasis. They were usually the weaker female offspring of the Hive’s Queen and did not typically possess their own Hives. If they did, they usually didn’t ally themselves with anyone because all Wraith knew what a liability a weak leader in an alliance could be.

It would not be strange for Lone Star to have a Hive now that there were so many more Wraith glutting the galaxy than there had been since the War.

He plucked a few large fruits off a low-hanging branch.

But it would be unusual just the same.

A memory pickled in the back of his mind, one that, perhaps, would not be so difficult to recall.

He set his fruit down and closed his eyes. He served his link with Sheppard before letting his mind slip into the memory.

~

“You have…come with a question?” The Commander said from his position on the cell’s floor.
From the other side of the bars, Koyla snorted, “You can tell?”

The Wraith grimaced, splaying a clawed hand out in a gesture to the Genii Commander, “You come bearing that look when you intend to either beat me or interrogate me. I am hoping it is that later, are you not?”

Koyla’s mouth twitched in a half-smile which he quickly shut down in favor of a sneer, “Your Hive told me that your kind have woken again”

Ah, so the clamor he felt in the air was for a reason. He’d been wracking his brain for days now trying to figure out why things felt so off-balance.

“Well?” Koyla prompted impatiently

“I guessed as much,” The Commander answered.

Koyla just stood there with that scowl.

Sighing, the Wraith ran a hand through his hair and asked; “What do you want, Acastus?” He would not normally be so blasé and insolent, but he had recently fed and was feeling a bit more like his old self. He would be harmed regardless of his attitude, so why not enjoy the extra energy while he had it?

“They are early,” Koyla spat, “and your Hive says that they are many.”

“Then that is a problem,” He drawled, rising shakily to his feet. He hobbled over to the bars and wrapped his hands around them for support. A low growl accompanied his words, “they will come for you and your technology before many others.”

Koyla solved the tip of his taser against the metal, sending a powerful surge of electricity through them to the Wraith who hissed in pain and staggered back.
“How do we stop it?”

“Stop it?” The Wraith mused from a slightly bent position, “you would need to be centuries further along with your weapons to stand a chance” He brought himself back down to the floor, leaning his head back and closing his eyes in dismissal. “There is no stopping Wraith.”

“Get up and tell me what you know,” the human demanded.

Todd opened one eye but didn’t bother looking over, “you are afraid…”

Koyla opened his mouth to deny it but The Wraith snapped his head over, looking him in the eyes, “Admit it, and I will tell you what you desire.” A bold move, probably a mistake, but the Wraith was growing tired of this game. Seven years of Koyla had begun to grate on him. There were creatin things that would happen regardless of what he said and did, if he could make himself feel a little bigger during the quiet moments then it was worth the pain that would come.

“I don’t think so,” Koyla unlocked the cell and flung the door open. He slammed it behind him before the Wraith could try anything.

He tensed involuntarily, hating the way his body recoiled when the human came forward, taser out.

“That’s right” The man almost purred, “you’re the one who is afraid.” He kicked his foot out to catch the Wraith in the side, “you’ll remember that eventually, even it takes another seven years.”

The Wraith Commander flopped his body over, knowing that he was still far too weak to fight back. Instead, he peered up at Koyla with one eye and hissed, bracing for the next kick.

It came, along with the Genii man’s spit into his eye. He hissed again, yanking back only to be rammed in the side with a taser.

“I’ll ask again, how do we stop it?”

The Commander snarled up at him through tight lips. He’d given up screaming a long time ago, it saved him more energy to lay there and take the agony.

Koyla growled in frustration and pulled the taser away, only to shove it back down before the Wraith could catch his breath, “Tell me what I want and you can eat for free next month.” He pulled back the taser and glowered down at his prisoner.

The Commander knew what that meant. His whole body ached at the prospect. Months could go by without the chance at a break from it. He should take this chance to have fewer wounds to heal…and more energy with which to heal them. A month where he didn’t have to hate himself as much as he would the next.

“Or not,” Koyla mocked, “It’s your choice, as always.”

The Wraith held up a hand to tell the human he needed a second. He was losing his energy to repairing his body and that was making it harder to focus on staying alert and responsive. ‘Still worth it’ he thought.

Once he felt he could speak, he breathed out, “You cannot…”

“Wrong answer,” the man raised his leg again and the Wraith just managed to roll way in time to dodge its attack. It was a miracle that his body had even moved like that.

“It is the only answer!” he spat, hastily adding “without Lantean technology, it is futile,” when Koyla prepared to bring the taser down again.

Koyla’s hand stilled, “Lantean technology? What's a Lantean?”

“You call them the Ancestors,” The Wraith snarled breathily, “Their technology was superior even to that of the Wraith.” He hulled himself up against the wall, breathing heavily. “and far, far superior to your own technology.”

“How would we get this technology?”

A chuckle escaped the Wraiths throat, “you could travel back in time say, 10,000 years?”

Koyla huffed, “do you have anything of use to tell me?”

He shrugged. Of course he did. He had access to over 10,000 years of memory not just of Lantean technology but that of Wraith. He could, with enough time and resources, build the Genii all the weapons they needed. But he had made a practice of never offering anything up unless Koyla specifically asked for it. Even if the work would allow the Wraith a break from endless days of silence, he wasn’t going to offer it up of his own volition.

He eyed the man, and the taser, which was still posed to strike. He was surprised to see it flicked off and put away. “There are rumors that ones who woke the Wraith are connected to the Ancestors…” Koyla whispered.

“What?” the Wraith Commander wheezed.

“The New Lanteans, you’d call them” he muttered, turning to go.

The Wraith thought he should perhaps try and take him from behind, but even the idea of rising pained him when he was steadily losing energy to the healing process. Besides, if he failed, eat for free would be off the table for sure. It was only once the cell door was closed again that he trusted himself to say or do anything; “Acastus?”

Koyla turned back, scowling, “what?”

“Which Queen was it that died…?”

He wrinkled his nose, “Why should I tell you?”

“Why should you not?”

Koyla looked at him for a long while before he answered, “They called her Lone…Lone Sun or something along those lines.”

“Lone Star?”

“I believe so”

~

Todd pulled himself any from it with a gasp and stumbled back until he hit a tree. That was right, Lone Star had been recruited to watch over another Queen’s Wraith after her Queen had woke and the weaker Queen was no longer needed. She’d been shot by Sheppard when he rescued his people…

“I knew it…” He took a deep breath, letting the pain of realization wash over him. Lewy was lying. He snarled, anger surging through him. He had to brace himself on the tree so he would fall. His left hand covered his own mouth to stop a roar.

‘Stay calm’ he told himself, ‘you can still make it to the stargate if you pretend to believe him’ It was easy to think that, but to stop the panic, fear, and despair that took him over was another. The part of him that wanted to gut Lewy for even trying to deceive him was quickly overtaking him while another part felt sick at what the Wraith could want with him in reality.

Neither of those sides could show themselves right now, he needed to focus on getting out of this.

He should not have trusted him even a little, he should have known better than to think that any Wraith was on his side.

At least he’d found out before it was too late.

He took a deep breathed and started back to the stream bank so he wouldn’t arouse suspicion. As he drew nearer, he heard Lewy talking to someone. He slowed to a near halt and ducked down behind some bushes to listen in.

The Wraith was holding a small device and talking into it; “Yes my Queen. He went off on his own like we hopped” Silence then, he huffed, “I cannot kill the human yet…because he is more valuable to us alive than dead.”

Todd froze.

“Yes, he will be an excellent bargaining chip when dealing with Atlantis. And, he means much to your prize, almost too much” Lewy sneered.

Todd sunk lower. He listened intently despite everything in him screaming for him to run.

“If we keep the human alive, we can give him an incentive to talk. With his knowledge, we can bring Atlantis down before it can do more damage.” He stood there for a few more seconds, purred out a “Yes, my Queen” and brought the device away from his ear.

The wind rushed past, fanning Todd’s white locks out around him. The rustle of the leaves allowed the Wraith the sound cover to dart to a tree where he’d be hidden better. His heart was pounding out of his chest, he was tense and tight all over, even breathing seemed to escape him. The possessive, animalistic part of him longed to go out there and rip the Wraiths throat out with his teeth, then keep him alive with the enzyme while he drained every last bit of life from his miserable body. Partly for threatening him but, mostly, for threatening Sheppard.

There was no real reason why he couldn’t do that, actually. He hissed from deep in his chest, pupils retracting, body sinking to a more primal stance that said “Get out of my way or I’ll make you get out of it” Sheppard was wounded, defenseless and considerably weaker. It was a low, low pathetic move for Lewy to make. To use a human to threaten a Wraith, instead of just torturing the Wraith outright was, at best, a show of incompetence. At worst it made Lewy worse than Koyla. At least that male had had the strength to torment Todd and Todd alone. At least Koyla hadn’t gone so far as to imply that Todd had a weakness…at least not in that way, at least not with most humans…

A memory so strong, so defined, almost managed to pull Todd away from the moment. The cold, mocking voice of Koyla telling the Commander he had a choice…

“You or the New Lantean human, take your pick”

Lewy’s voice, or rather, the voice of who Lewy was talking to, yanked Todd right out of it.

She was sweet, a soprano lit to her loving voice that sparkled and shimmered like sunlight on the open ocean.

“Listen! The Commander needs to send reinforcements!” Lewy shouted with faked panic.

“What? What’s going on?” She demanded, voice hitching the way it always did when she was worried. Could it be? Or was hope deceiving him?

“Astra, we need you!” she continued.

Astra…as in of the Stars Astra? No, that couldn’t be right. Was Todd hearing things? Astra was most definitely dead, and so was she. Tood must be hearing things. There was no way that they could be alive after all these years…

There was a silence, Lewy fiddled with the thing in his hand. He could never stand her or her voice…so he wasn’t holding it up to his ear…

“What is it, have you been spotted?” A heaver, deeper, multitoned voice growled at Lewy from the other end with a characteristic hint of exasperation for lower life forms. Astra’s voice as plain as day…Astra’s older, wiser voice that sounded so much like Todd’s own just like it had all those years ago…

“Yes! The Hive I found him in must have decided that what we gave them wasn’t enough because they-“ He darted to the side to make it seem like movement was happening, “Commander!”

Todd rose from his crouch, slowly, steadily, listening to Lewy make up a story about a fake capture and trying to force himself not to run for it.

“Send Fighters through the gate before they-"

In a moment of blind panic, Todd launched out of the cover of the tree and straight toward Lewy who’s eyes went wide when he spotted the Wraith barreling at him at full speed, “Astra!” He shouted, dodging Lewy’s attempt to knock him down.

“Comm-"

“It’s a trick!” Todd snapped, twisting his body down and under Lewy’s launch. Above them, a fighter wailed. ‘Don’t listen to a thing this miserable-"

Lewy tossed the thing into the stream and lunged again, this time managing to seize Todd’s arm, “I was hoping to do this the easy way.”

“I bet you were hoping a lot of things,” The Commander snarled. He used Lewy’s own momentum against him, sending the shorter Wrath stumbling back wildly. “You should not have used the Lone Star as your false Queen. Even capture did not render me ignorant.”

Lewy leaped back to his feet, crouching low, prepared to charge, “It was not meant to fool you, it was meant to distract you long enough for the Fighters to get here. You often wish to be alone when you are thinking.”

Todd snarled at the insinuation that Lewy thought it would take Todd much longer to remember something. And, at the fact that the Wraith’s plan had almost worked. He got in the same position, “I will not allow myself to be captured, you know that.” He bared his teeth.

“You cannot help but be in chains.”

“You will not win this fight. You said yourself that I was revered once, and you know why,” he flexed his hands, feeling the way they shook with rage. He let the feeling fill him.

Lewy had the audacity to laugh, “look at you, you are but a shell of your former self, “Todd” He mocked, “If you were truly a threat, I would be dead by now.”

The Commander snarled, inching closer. Lewy’s eyes glowed in the dark. The low light left the lightning strike mark that crackled across his face only half visible.

“Try it, I will not allow some Kaasaelaja to defeat me.”

“You were my Second,” The Commander said tightly, “I trusted you…”

“And I, you, until the Lanteans turned what we gave them into the means to destroy us!”

“I did not know-"

“If you had been a worthy Commander, you would have been more cautious!” He seethed, “Now you and your allies will pay for your negligence.”

That chilled Todd to the bone, “Sheppard has done nothing…”

“Nothing?” Lewy's eyes shone with hatred, “He woke everyone up, all of us. He is the reason why we fight and kill each other.” The Wraith lunged so quickly that Todd almost didn’t have enough time to react. He was reeling from the betrayal, he was distracted. He just managed to dodge the attack.

“You and Colonel John Sheppard of Atlantis are perhaps the two most desired trophies in the galaxy. One for almost costing us our victory, one for destroying the peace we spent so long building up after-"

“Peace could still exist if the Wraith could learn not to deplete the resource they fight over! If they could only-”

“Spare me the ideals.” The Wraith came at the Commander hard, slamming him to the ground will all his weight and pinning him there by the wrists with both hands. His feet dug into the Commander's calves.

Above them, a Fighter flew by towards Sheppard’s location. Todd couldn’t stop the alarmed flailing that overtook him.

Lewy snarled down at him with disgust, “It is pathetic how wrapped up in their lives you have become.”

Todd bared his teeth, bringing his head up to try and get a hold of the traitor’s throat but the Wraith place his feeding hand on the Commander’s bare throat to stop him.

He shoved aside panic, snarling and biting out “You will not.”

“I just might,”

Todd tried to reach out to Sheppard, but the lack of mental presence indicated that he was asleep. New alarm surge through him and, despite Lewy’s hand, he fought once more. As he suspected, the Wraith did not feed, too afraid to damage his prize beyond repair. The feeding hand threat was definitely not worth the weaker grip Lewy had now on Todd’s wrists.

He growled, twisted one wrist out from under Lewy’s grip, and used that leverage to shove him off and onto the dirt. A swift move and Todd was on top of him. He raised his feeding hand, reveling in how the traitor stiffened up beneath him.

Once again, the Fighter wailed.

The falter in Todd’s expression, the glance in Sheppard’s direction, made Lewy laugh, “I will bet that if you go now, you may be able to get to him before the Fighter finds him.”

Todd hissed, drawing his hand back further.

“Of course,” Lewy drawled, “You could choose to feed on me and waste the precious seconds you still have left to save him.”

“You do not know if that is the case.”

“No, but neither do you.”

Todd was being torn in half. One part of him was desperate to stay and drain Lewy so that he would threaten both Wraith and human no more. The other screamed for him to run, go now and save his human. After a moment, he snarled in defeat and lowered his hand.

“I knew you were weak.”

“I will finsih this.” Todd slammed his elbow down on Lewy’s skull, hoping the impact would buy him more time, then leaped from the Wraith and took off in Sheppard’s direction.

He dashed through the foliage, ducking and darting around trees, bushes, and low hanging branches. He crouched low and ran in a scattered, patternless style to avoid the wandering beam of the Fighter. When he reached Sheppard, he grabbed hold of his arms and shook him awake.

“Sheppard! Sheppard, wake up!”

The human leaped to his feet, stunner out, whipping it around in a blind panic. “Todd?” He said, brow furrowing when he recognized it was Todd. he lowered his stunner, “What’s-“

“You have to run, west, towards the gate,” Todd insisted. Sheppard needed to put distance between himself and Todd. If the Commander was correct, the fighter was primarily looking for Todd and would try to get him first. If he could kill Lewy before that happened…

“Wha-“

“No time to explain, you have to go now while I hold him at bay.”

“I don’t-“

“Sheppard,” the Commander grabbed Sheppard’s hands, pressed his forehead against the human’s, “do you trust me?” please trust me, he begged, please, please trust me.

“Of course but-“

“Then run” Todd hissed, pulling back, “if I can, I will meet you on Atlantis.”

“Todd-“ he pleaded, the pain and confusion in his voice broke the Commander's heart.

 

“Run!” He shouted, pushing Sheppard into a run, “Now!”

The human took off as best he could with his wound. Todd just had to hope that it was enough…

“I hope it was worth it,” Lewy snarled from behind. Todd was met with the barrel of a stunner to his head when he turned.

He swayed back, reeling from the impact, “How did you…”

Lewy glanced up at the sky where another dart was hovering just above the both of them, “I called in some back up at the stream.”

That was it, Todd thought, his stomach turning, he was trapped. “Do not do this…”

“It is already done.” He raised his stunner to fire.

‘Sheppard’ he called out, dodging the blast, he just needed to buy a little more time. He ran to a tree, using his momentum to grab onto a low and branch and swing himself up onto it.

‘Todd? What’s happening?’

‘It was a pleasure to know you for the brief time I did,'

‘Todd I don’t understand-'

‘Things are going to get bad now. I cannot shield you or Atlantis from my world any longer, you must forget about it instead.’

“Come down from there and fight!” Lewy demanded, shooting again and only narrowly missing the Commander.

‘Sheppard, do you hear me?’ He jumped to the next branch. There was silence on the other end, for an agonizing moment Todd feared the worst.

‘Hell no,’ the human finally insisted, ‘I’m not leaving you behind,’

‘Do not be stupid, this involves much more than a prison cell.’

‘You were the one that asked for my friendship!’

‘I am releasing you from that obligation so that you and Atlantis may remain somewhat impartial!’

‘Impartial to what, Todd?!"

‘Me, Sheppard, I am a danger to you now…’

‘I don’t care, I’m not letting you go.’

The branch Todd was on broke and he hit the ground hard, knocking the wind out of himself. He staggered to his feet to try and run again but Lewy’s short-range stunner caught him in the head with enough force to send him down again. The Wraith sprinted over, weapon aimed.

The Commander went limp, staring up at the sky and the two darts circling him.

“I told you, you belong in chains.” Lewy snarled

Todd barely heard him, his mind wandered to the human again and he let the ghost of a smile cross over his face. ‘Goodbye, Star Scraper’ He thought affectionally, using his mind impression name for the human. It’d taken him a long time to think of something that fit. Something that showed he respected the human not just as a friend but as a Commander in his own right. That was what Sheppard wanted if his thoughts were to be trusted. Hopefully, it would communicate to the human exactly what Todd felt for him.

He distantly heard Sheppard deny him once more. ‘I’ll find you’ passed over their link before Todd was beamed up into the enemy Fighter.

 

John

‘Goodbye, Star Scraper’ Todd’s voice passed over their link mere seconds before it weakened dramatically. In those seconds, the Colonel, who was near close to passing out from the pain of running with his wound, felt a rush of Warmth unlike any he’d ever felt.

Somehow, someway, John knew how much those words meant. Before all this, they would have been just words to him. Now though, John truly understood the difference between Wraith and human names. The mental link, the affectionate tone, the clear as day intent to communicate hit him hard, pushed him forward. And, it cemented his resolve to not let that go.

‘I’ll find you,’ he pushed out, ‘I promise I’ll find you.”

Above him, a dart sounded. He looked back and panic quickly took him over. It was headed right towards him.

He saw the beam out of the corner of his eye. He jumped to the side to dodge it but, he wasn’t quick enough. The thing passed over his body an instant later, beaming him up.

Notes:

Hey! I guess this is what you would call a real plot? Lol. Now everyone has to watch me try and write more actiony things. Thank you for reading and for all the support!

Chapter 12: Shedding Light

Summary:

John wakes up surrounded by new faces. What they want is anyone's guess

John

There was shouting; the lilting voice of a woman rang clear among the jumbled growls of something unknown.

Someone put a hand on his abdomen. He felt the prick of sharp teeth, then the overwhelming sensation of the gift rushing through him.

He barely registered a figure over him, face twisted into a frown that was distinctly familiar. From where exactly seemed like a distant memory. Then, with the panic of one who has no idea what’s happening, he was out.

~

He awoke on something soft, something made of fur. His eyes blinked in the dim light, adjusting quickly. Something in him tried to tell him that danger was near but, his body was completely uninterested in responding. His limbs were lead; his torsos magnetized to his resting place. He doubted he could lift a finger if he tried.

The adrenaline rush that should have come with that realization, didn’t come.

“He’s awake!” Someone, a human woman John thought, called out and the Colonel heard the stepping of feet coming his way.

Someone lifted his head up to meet a glass of cool water which John gulped greedily until it was taken away.

Someone stuck something in his mouth, and it dissolved on contact with his tongue. It tasted sweet, like the fruit. Slowly, the ability to move returned to him. He wiggled his fingers first, then his toes. Eventually, he was able to hull an arm to his wound, brow furrowing at an unfamiliar pattern of stitches that didn’t feel like thread.

“W-Where am I?” He sputtered out, grimacing at his tired voice.

“Among Friends,” The female voice answered.

Somehow, John doubted that. Memories of the day were returning. Including Todd’s capture and Lewy’s betrayal, the Gift…The familiar feeling of panic returned when he realized he’d been separated from his companion and had no idea where Todd was, and still no idea where the hell he was either. He tried to rise, to get his bearings, and figure out where he was being held captive.

A few hands pushed him back down, “You’re still very weak, friend,” the voice was male this time, but still human,

“I’m not your friend,” John spat out, fighting their stubborn hold to no avail. Blind panic clouded his mind, the pressure bringing back memories of being held down…they were years old memories, but they chilled him just the same.

“Should I sedate him again, Mirage?”

“No, that would only scare him,” the one called Mirage answered in an even tone, peering down at John with an intent curiosity.

John’s body was too tired to fight anymore, and he slumped back, trying to ignore his racing heart.

Mirage felt his forehead, stroked it softly, delicate fingers brushing his hair in a soothing motion.

It was familiar. Like the whisper of a wonderful past…it evoked his childhood, he realized. Just the memory of his mother’s presence managed to calm him down.
His vision slowly cleared, and he could now see her, the woman who seemed so like a love he’d lost. Her face was all feminine angels, with a splatter of freckles across her nose and cheeks. Her skin was lighter than Teyla’s, but not quite as light as John’s. Still, he didn’t think it was pigment so much as it was probably due to a lot of time in the sun. Her dark, wavey hair hung over her shoulder, laced with golden beads. A blue and gold bandana wrapped around her head at the top and more gold jewelry on her neck and ears shimmered in the low light. She looked almost like a Wraith queen, except that she was clearly human.

The other human, the one that had said her name, was a tall man with rounder features that indicated a happy lifestyle, though he was in no way out of shape. His skin tone was closer to John’s and his blond hair was cut short on the sides and longer on the top where it looked like it was gelled to not get in his eyes. He also wore jewelry but, much less than Mirage and he lacked any kind of scarf.

The pair wore clothes made of a thick-looking cloth probably designed to keep them warm. While Mirages was the same colors as her scarf’s, the man’s was a blood-red and a deep brown that complimented each other nicely. Both wore an equal amount of eye makeup that gave them a rather striking appearance.

Mirage noticed his alertness and smiled, “I’m Mirage, this is Alula” She gestured to Alula who smiled as well. “We’re friends, Si Anmourie, I promise.

John eyed her, suspicious, and confused. Her words turned over in his foggy mind. Si Anmourie…it sounded almost Spanish but, John knew it wasn’t. It was a phrase he hadn’t heard since he had graduated college. Who was this person? Where the hell was he?

“Where am I?” he said again, more forcefully this time, “Where’s Todd?”

Mirage frowned, kind features softening at the mention of Todd’s name “Oh…”

John didn’t like that look, “Where the fuck am I?”

She dipped her head, “In a safe place, we promise,”

Realizing he wasn’t going to get much more out of her, John slumped back against his pillow. At least this capture was soft and so far, free of Wraith.

Mirage moved off to the side and John heard her fiddling around the room. He kept his eyes on Alula, who looked slightly drugged out. He was rubbing his chest like he’d recently been fed on.

It dawned on him then that, especially with the whole being beamed into a dart thing, there were probably Wraith here. “Are you worshipers?” he demanded with a shiver down his spine.

“Not exactly,” Mirage answered, coming into view with another glass of water which she handed to John. He gulped at it again, this time drinking the whole thing before handing it back to her. She took it then continued, “Some of us offer the Wraith sustenance, some don’t, but none of us revere them as you suggest.”

Somehow, that made John relax a little until his hand brushed his new Gift scar and he flinched.

“The Commander says he’s sorry about that, but you were dying, and he needed a quick fix.”

“Commander?” John repeated, not bothering to hide the terror he felt.

She shifted closer to him, coming to rest a hand on his shoulder, “Not the one who attacked Dara.”

“Dara?”

“I believe you call him, “Todd?”

“Excuse me?” he spat out, rising again. He set the glass down a side table so he wouldn’t drop it, “How do you know Todd?” so far, everyone that knew Todd had ended up being bad news.

Ignoring him, she handed the glass to Alula, “Go get the Commander, tell him to meet us here, then come back.”

Alula nodded and spun off in some vague direction.

John watched him go with warry eyes, then he looked to Mirage who was fiddling with some kind of device. It didn’t look Wraith, “Where are we?” He asked again.

She shook her head, “There is much to explain, and much to ask,” she set her device down, “rest assured that you are in no danger here.”

“That’s not good enough…”

“In time,” she said sternly, eyeing him with an intensity that a woman near the end of her life might possess.

He said nothing, deciding that if she wasn’t going to answer now, then it was best to wait for the Commander.

The door opened and John tensed, ready to face an unpleasant Wraith Commander. Instead, it was just Alula carrying an armful of clothes.

“From the Commander,” He dumped them on a nearby chair “can he move?”

“I think so…” John responded. Better to be on his feet if he needed to run.

Mirage and Alula turned up the lights and helped him out of his bed. John discovered that he was in a sort of infirmary if the clean medical tools were anything to go off of. The room’s decor was distinctly human, but the surrounding walls were all purple organic matter. He felt his wound again, then looked down to discover a much more effective stitching job had taken place, and the wound was looking was better than it had yesterday.

“We noticed you had high levels of enzyme around there,” Mirage spoke as if she could hear John’s thoughts- could she? No, she was human “that’s probably the only reason you’re alive right now,”

Alula nodded his agreement, ‘you’re lucky the Wraith you were with was kind,”

Mirage hummed, taking John over to the pile of clothes.

“The Commander wishes you to dress first,” Alula said once John had stopped visibly swaying.

John flushed when he realized he was only wearing a flimsy white cloth that felt like a hospital gown. He scanned the chair for Todd’s coat, gut twisting when he couldn’t find it. “Where’s my coat?” it came out harsher than he intended but neither human seemed to care.

“The Commander took it, he-”

John cut Alula off, “I want my coat.” The pain of losing Todd was starting to return, he wanted the familiar fabric on his skin. He wanted the safety of the thick leather and the smell of his Wraith companion on his skin again. He pushed down the reason he wanted those things.

“But-”

“My mate should have it back from being cleaned,” Mirage informed in an exasperated tone, “please go get it while I help our guest.”

Aula made a noise of protest but, under Mirage’s powerful stare, gave up and slinked off to go get the coat.

“Your…mate?” John asked as he pulled on a pair of losing-fitting emerald green pants that bunched at the ankles- his BDU’s were nowhere to be found- so he didn’t have to stand here ass out in front of a pretty woman. He grabbed a matching shirt as well, wanting to create any many layers between hand mouths and his skin as possible.

She smiled, moving the discarded cloths, and helping him to sit down “There’s time for that later, I’d like to know your name first.”

“John…uh, John Sheppard…” he said without thinking.

She paused for a moment, seeming to lose herself briefly when he spoke his name. She shrugged it off in a moment and said “It's nice to meet you, John,” she said warmly, shaking his hand. Her hand was soft, her hold firm and warm. It made him ache for Todd.

He shook the thought away and muttered, “Nice to meet you too…”

Mirage sat back down with a “Hmm”

In this light, John noticed that she looked familiar, her kind features and air of authority over the other’s prickled at him. Upon closer inspection, he noticed her eyes were a similar she of green to his, and that her hair was a beep brown, not the black he’d thought it was. It only made her more familiar. He’d seen this woman before, he was sure of it.

Mirage, not seeming to notice his inspection, only returned a wider smile and sat back down, “There are whisperings around the Hive that you’re from Atlantis, is it true?”

The question pulled him back to the present. Who was this woman to know about Atlantis?

She looked at him expectantly, like she was used to getting what she wanted and expected him to be no different.

He wasn’t sure how to answer so he decided to half answer, “Well I’m not exactly from this neck of the woods…”

“I see” she ran a hand through her hair, similar to how John did when he was a little nervous.

They sat in a bit of an awkward silence until John prompted “What I’d really like to know-“

“is what you’re doing here?” she finished with a hint of humor.

“Yeah…”

She chuckled, “You’re abord a landed Hive, we picked you up when we realized that the Wraith you were with was planning to betray us. We were hoping to pick up the owner of your coat as well but, he’d already been taken.”

Another pang shot straight through him, this time unignorable. He slumped, looked down at his feet, trying and failing not to think of Todd and everything that had happened in the past few days. The Wraith Commander had seemed so panicked when they’d last talked…like he was facing the edge of an infinite drop…he’d said goodbye…

“So all that really happened…?” He’d been hoping it was some sick joke.

Mirage’s hand was on his shoulder in second’s giving him a comforting squeeze, she opened her mouth to speak but, a low purr caught both of their attention.

A tall, slim but fit Wraith centuries younger-looking than Todd stood in the doorway, clad in a dark blue coat that matched Mirage’s outfit. His long white hair was braided along his scalp in several small plaits and pulled back into a high ponytail. It was adorned with the same gold beads and his chin was clean-shaven, the whisper of a five o’clock shadow on it. His face tattoo was a series of swirls and curls that ran across his right eye and over the bridge of his nose.
Mirage hurried over, embracing the Wraith in a loving hold and joining him in a kiss. This must be her mate.

The two broke and joined hands, foreheads bent to touch each other’s. Mirage was quite tall herself, taller than John's 6'2 at least. Her forehead came to just under her Mate's eyes, and he looked to be at least 6'8. Kirk, John decided to call him, because he seemed like the type.

They seemed to have a mental conversion before Kirk broke from her and brought John the coat, holding out the black mass with a short nailed hand.

John took it gratefully, not meeting the Wraith’s eyes, and pulled it back on. The familiar weight did a little to settle his beating heart but, much to his dismay, the scent of Todd had been scrubbed clean. Still, he felt much better shrouded in its protective material.

Kirk eyed him a very neutral expression that made John slightly less nervous to be in presence, “I’m the Commander,” He dipped his head slightly.

John’s mouth went dry, he looked between Mirage and Kirk, slowing working together the pieces.

Kirk gave him a small smile, “Yes, you’re not the first to be taken aback.”

“Uh…” he bit his lip. So, not only was this woman dating a Wraith, she was dating the Commander. He really hated that particular similarity between them for the memories it evoked. ‘You’re not dating Todd’ he reminded himself, It didn’t help to not remind him of Todd.

Kirk sat back in the available chair, “What’s your name?”

John was starting to notice that this Wraith used contractions, something about that made him more approachable, made him more human, “John Sheppard,” he allowed and bit his tongue to stop himself from asking Kirk’s name.

Kirk gave a toothy grin. Mirage came to stand beside him. Their hands intertwined lovingly, Kirk’s large thumb stroking her soft skin, “Are you feeling better? Your body suffered major trauma and I feared that we might not be able to save you.”

“Why did you save me?” John asked curtly, still trying to understand what was happening. Why was he sitting across from a Wraith who was holding a human’s hand? Where was Todd?

“You’re the friend of a close friend of mine,”

“Todd?”

Kirk snorted low in his throat; his face twisted in a laugh. Mirage tapped the back of his head, fixing him with a glare that got him clearing his throat and nodding, “Uh, yes.”

John wasn’t sure if he believed him. Still, he asked, “how did you find me?” it was as good a question to start with.

“Dara tipped us off,” Mirage said calmly.

“He…how?”

Kirk held up a little device, “we were using these to communicate with the Wraith who betrayed you,” he snarled the word Wraith, “when your…Todd, came out and screamed that he needed help.”

Okay, that John could work with. Todd had gone off with Lewy right before it all went down, after all, “So you’re what, allies of his or something?”

Kirk gave a strangely human smile, “Something of that sort.”

They turned toward each other again to probably have another mental conversation. While John just stared at them, trying to process this new, bizarre information.
Both seemed to remember he was in the room because Kirk added, “I know it’s a lot to process-”

John shook his head, he’d had enough of these half-answers and hiding behind the curtain, “Listen, you seem nice and all but I’m kind of not really in a trusting mood right now considering my friend was just snatched by someone we thought we could trust. So, I’d appreciate it if you told me a little more than the bare bones of why I’m here.”

The room went silent. If John had been anyone else, he would have felt nervous under the stare of a Wraith Commander. He wasn’t though, he was Lieutenant colonel John Sheppard and he’d stared down much more threatening Wraith than this. ‘Bring it on’

To his surprise, Kirk didn’t get mad, “Understandable, we wouldn’t expect you to believe us right away. Feel free to ask any question you want.”

John frowned at him. This Wraith, this Commander, acted even loser than Todd did. It was starting to become unsettling.

A part of him was screaming “trap” Todd had mentioned his world…and being compromised. Maybe this was all a part of Lewy’s game. Maybe John was actually wherever Lewy had brought Todd and was just trying to get information out of him via this strange Wraith and woman.

Kirk sighed when the Colonel said nothing. He looked to Mirage.

She shook her head, then came to crouch next to John, “Listen, Si Anmourie, we understand that you’re wary but, if we wanted to hurt you, wouldn’t we have done so already?”

There was that word again. He relaxed, somewhat against his will when he heard it. He looked over at Kirk, and watched his golden cat eyes flick around, waiting.
“Fine,” he snapped. He might as well get a sense of the situation, real or not, it was better than nothing, “You can start with why Todd isn’t here.”

Something of a pained expression dashed across Kirk’s face then it was replaced with a scowl, “We were too late. By the time we got there, he had been taken by the traitor.”

“Taken where?”
Kirk shook his head, “We have no idea…”

The Colonel narrowed his eyes, “No idea at all?”

The Commander sighed, “We have theories, of course, but not much to-“

“Then you have something.” John snapped, rising from his chair, “which means you have a place to send me.”

“Send you?” Kirk echoed.

John snorted, looking him up and down with contempt. “So, I can get him back, of course.”

“We’re not sending you anywhere,” Kirk rose to his full height, towering over John by several inches, “and we’re not going to risk personnel on a whim when we don’t even know where he is for sure yet.”

“Fine,” the Colonel snapped, starting off toward the door, “Then give me a dart and I’ll find him myself.” Was it crazy? Probably. Todd was probably on a Hive ship by now, or some other difficult to navigate place. But he’d be dammed if he was going to leave the Wraith stranded after everything they’d been through.He'd made a promise, and he didn't break his promises. He had to get the hell out of this room and to a ship so he could do something about the horrifying notion that Todd had been whisked away by someone who wanted him dead.
He made it about halfway across the room before he stumbled, tripping over his feet and only managing to stay upright because of the nearby bed.

Mirage made her way over and helped him up from leaning on it, “I know you want to go after him…” she gave him a sympathetic look, “but until we know where he was taken, we can do nothing.”

“I’m not just going to sit here-"

“Believe me, John,” she said sternly, “I know what it's like to be without your mate-“

‘He’s not my mate,” he snapped, pulling away from her hold, which she let him do, “We’re just friends.”

“I told you he wouldn’t take a mate,” Kirk said, which wasn’t at all the point.

“Shut up, Astra.” Mirage went back over to John, “Well…whatever he is, you are in no shape to go after him, even if we knew where to go.”

“Then I need to get back to-" he slapped his hand over his mouth, horrified that he’d almost said Atlantis out loud in front of a Wraith commander, “to where I came from…”

Jesus Christ had he really almost done that?

“Gate travel at this time, with your severe injury, is unwise,” Kirk, or Astra, the Colonel guessed, informed, rising.

“Go to hell,” he reached for the handle to the door but, it opened for him automatically.

Both Wraith and Woman paused, they looked at each other in shock.

John looked back at them, a similar expression on his face. Last he’d checked, Wraith doors didn’t open like that unless a Wraith willed them to and, he was pretty sure Astra hadn’t.

“You have partaken in the gift several times, right?” Astra asked.

“Uh…yeah?”

He approached John, shutting the door manually when he got to him, “tell me, do you have a strong mental connection with Todd?”

“Uh…” he was starting to feel a little woozy.

“Yes?” Astra prompted

Right then, something hot and white flashed across his vision and fire rippled over his spin like he was made of straw. He doubled over, ears ringing so loud that the sound could have blown out his eardrums.

Multitoned shouts jumbled in with the piercing rings in an unbearable cacophony and John screamed, falling to the floor his hands latched onto his ears like that would stop the sound.

His spotted vision cleared but, he wasn’t in the meeting room. He was in a damp, dark cell. His whole body hurt from strain, his muscles felt torn, his skin screamed for relief from something.

‘Sheppard!’ the words rang out in John’s head. They were desperate, they were terrified, the agony in them chilled the human to the bone.

“Todd!” He said out loud swinging his head around the darkness.

Something hot jabbed him, a gruff voice hissed out a question he couldn’t understand.

He tried to get a grip on the sensations, the pain, and the panic, but they slipped through his grasp and spiraled away from him just as soon as they’d come.

In an instant, he was back in the room with Astra and Mirage, body pressed up against the wall, breathing labored as the last waves of agony washed over him. Had that been Todd? His stomach sank. Oh my God if that was where Todd was…

“What the hell was that…?” he said when he was finally able to.

Mirage had come over to crouch in front of him. She didn’t say anything, just felt his cheeks, forehead and neck, muttering about how he was burning up.

“What was that?” he asked again in desperation. Images of a jail cell flashed across his mind. Todd was in distress…

“I…Astra, please help me get him back into bed,”

“No, I don’t want to…”

His plea died out as the two took him back over to his hospital bed. He had no choice but to get back in.

She made sure he was secure, then left his field of vision, leaving him with Astra and a growing headache and a horrible feeling.

“No way you don’t know what that was.” He asked when he was sure his voice would work.

He nodded, stiffly, like the events that had just unfolded had shocked him right back into being purely a Wraith. “I do, but it does not make sense that you would feel so strongly when you are not together…then again…he always was eccentric…”

“the helps me exactly not. At. All.” The Colonel growled.

Astra’s eyes flashed; his lips curled back into a snarl that he quickly shut down. No doubt he was reminding himself not to hulk out on John right now. The human should be scared, but it was honestly good to see this Wraith acting more like a Wraith.

“Well?” John prompted again with no regard for his own safety.

The Wraith took a deep breath, then called for his mate. “Mirage?”

“Hmm?”

The rest of the conversation was silent. It ended when Astra got up and rushed out of the room.

Mirage was back in front of him before John could ask where her mate had gone. She handed him a cup of something steaming, “Tea, to soothe your headache.”
“How did you…” he took it with shaky hands.

She sighed, “I too have suffered through my mate,” she glanced to the door, “But you are not mated…”

Sensing something more, he promoted “But?” and took a sip of the tea and moaning a little at its sweet herbal taste.

“But I suppose it wouldn’t matter, as long as you two had a strong connection, do you?”

He nodded, “we built up last week…while we were in Wraith jail. He took another, larger sip. The tea had already started to work at leasing the sharpness on the base of his skull.

She nodded along with him, “This is good news then…”

He growled lightly, “What’s good news? Are you people incapable of explaining anything?”

She blinked at him, clearly taken aback, “You do not know?”

“Know what?”

She frowned “Aren’t you…” looking at his blank face, she shook her head, “never mind, how long exactly have you been with the Wraith?”

It was his turn to be confused “Been with the Wraith? Lady, I’m not a worshipper.” Did these people think he was Todd’s bitch too? Did he have a fucking sign on him or something?

Her face changed then, and understanding seemed to wash over her, “Of course not…” she shook her head, “I should have known…”

He was about to ask again when she cut in with, “sometimes, when a human gets close enough to a Wraith, mentally, they are able to feel and experience that Wraith’s emotions. Sometimes, when the connection is very strong, they can literally see that Wraith’s experiences and feel what they’re feeling in the moment…mental or physical.”

Finally, something he could understand, “Yeah, I’ve been able to do that for a couple of days now…but never like that…” he rubbed his oldest feeding scar, grimacing at the way it stung.

She rested a hand on his, “You and Todd must be very close then,”

Grief threatened to rise up in him then, “Yeah…w-we are…too close maybe…” but it was too late to turn back now. Not when the very thought of losing Todd made his body hurt.

She smiled softly at him, “This good news, John Sheppard. You may be able to help us locate him.”

Notes:

Thanks for reading everyone! I hope you enjoyed this. I originally wanted to add Todd's POV in as well but I wanted to get a chapter out so, here we are. Once again, thanks for all the support so far. Expect regular updates now because I'm done with school for the summer!

Chapter 13: My Demons

Summary:

Todd finds out just who is behind everything. John learns a bit more about where he's ended up.

Todd

 

He came to in the dark. All around him were the fuzzy outlines of a Hive, their features obscured by even lower light than he was used to. Still, he knew it was a Hive because of the organic bindings sprouting from the ceiling and holding his wrists together high above his head. His feet were encapsulated by more organic matter. He recognized the method; he’d used it in the past and knew that struggle was futile. That didn’t stop his arms from instinctually pulling down as soon he recognized they were bound. Only for the Hive to seize up around him, stretching his arms just that much further out of their sockets.

Pain was the second thing he registered. The burn of the stretch rippled up his spin, settling in the nooks of his arm sockets and bursting with each minor movement, of which he couldn’t help. For a brief moment, he was confused as to why he was here. Hadn’t he been with Sheppard in a tree just a moment ago? The realization came with more thrashing, and a scream at the Hive’s push back. He snarled in pain, griding his fangs together to block out some of the more pathetic noises he wanted to make.

He growled, fighting back against the panic that threatened to consume him. He couldn’t afford to freak out right now. Not in enemy territory, not here, not with the Wraith Sheppard called Lewy so close…

“No!” he said aloud, then finished off ‘you can’t think about that’ in his head. The mistake he’d made when he’d been with Koyla was letting the whole thing get to his head. He’d caught himself feeling too much. And, it had almost destroyed him. He had to try and ignore it all. The betrayal, the separation, how it reminded him so strongly of those many years he’d spent in constant agony…

 

~

 

He glanced up at Acastus, the man staring down at him with contempt, and stretched out his encased hand.

“Hungry?” the human sneered.

He nodded

“Too bad,” The Genii Commander turned away and strolled over to open the cell door. “Maybe I would be more inclined to give one of our already dying if you hadn’t tried to escape like that.” He glanced back at the Wraith, ‘There are a few rules to learn, Wraith. The first is that I am now your god. Piss me off and I can make your time here infinitely worse than it already is. Behave, and I might allow a few liberties.” He smiled like was fun to him, it probably was, “We’ll see how you are in a week or so.”

 

~

 

He snarled at the memory, blinking rapidly in the low light to pull himself back to the moment. ‘No one could be as cruel’ He told himself maybe a bit too forcibly, ‘there are things we do not do…they would not do those things to me…’ He didn’t entirely believe that. And even if he did, he had no idea what these Wraith were capable of. ‘But it’s not Acastus, they can’t make you feel the way you felt there because it’s not him…’

There, that was what he had to run with, to use to keep his mind from tethering over the edge and into oblivion. He focused on using the energy he still had from his various feedings to stay hyper-aware of his situation. It was a struggle, a forceful exercise, to keep the nausea and shaking at bay. To keep his mind clear in the face of panic, without Sheppard there to encourage the life in him to stir, was a difficult game.

He had to concentrate, or he’d sink back into the pace he’d been in under Koyla’s control, and then he’d be done for.

One time, early on in his relationship with Atlantis, a person called a psychiatrist had been sent to talk to him to try and glean information from his mind. He’d refused to speak, but his hands and eyes had betrayed him. His short breathing and tense body, his flinching whenever anyone approached his cell, had clued this human mind doctor into his emotions. She’d said some things, mentioned something called “Post Traumatic Stress Disorder” naturally, he’d tried to eat her.

Now he thought she was probably right. And he hated that because he was Wraith, not a human-like John Sheppard or Rodney McKay. He wasn’t supposed to feel like this when faced with danger, his heart wasn’t supposed to race, and his mind wasn’t supposed to fog. He wasn’t supposed to shake or breathy heavy or freeze up. But he did, and it did, and he couldn’t do much more than focus on keeping those thoughts at bay.

His composure was just another thing that Acastus Koyla had taken from him during those ten years.

Luckily, somehow, he didn’t have to stay out of his head for long, because someone was approaching his cell. He looked up, a snarl already passing through his teeth to greet the Wraith that approached him. His stomach sank when he recognized Lewy’s smirking face behind the crisscross of Hive cell bars.

He took a deep breath, keeping his body rigid in his bonds, he growled “What do you want?”

The Wraith laughed, dragging a hand down one of the bars he hissed “to admire my prize.”

“I am not yours.” He spat, jerking forward only for the punishing grip of the Hive to retaliate with a vengeance. The Wraith was pretty sure that the bonds were cutting into his wrists now. “I am no ones.” He tried to sound threatening, but a whimper jumbled the words.

“Are you sure about that?” Lewy mocked, leaning against the bars casually.

He bit back something sarcastic, knowing from experience that it would only make things worse for him. Instead, he asked, “What do you hope to gain from this?”

“Me? Oh, I have already gained,” he ran his hand along the wall of the Hive, “the position of Commander."

He couldn’t help his laugher, “E-excuse me? You, a Commander? Really?” Lewy wasn’t the Commander type. He’d been an excellent Second, only because he was so good at taking orders from other males. He wasn’t the type to take initiative without someone pushing him towards it. The Wraith couldn’t imagine Lewy at the center of a Hive, his only guidance a Queen. He’d be out in no time if his Queen was even slightly intelligent.

The Wraith folded his arms, looking at his prisoner with a deep-set scowl, “Keep laughing, soon you will not be able to do anything but scream.”

“That is enough,” a female voice rang out over Lewy’s snarl and his face snapped back to indifference.

The prisoner Wraith, on the other hand, seized up. He watched with horror as a Queen approached the cell. She was tall, almost as tall as the Wraith himself. Her long, reddish-brown hair was done in a long over-the-shoulder braid and entwined with pieces of the Hive. She wore a deep purple dress with sleeves that broke at her shoulders, leaving a long gap of flesh before they joined at her wrists. He knew that skin well and knew her shape even better than he knew his own. His heart did a pained flip inside his chest, aching it seemed, at the realization that it was her orders which had brought him here.

He couldn’t believe what he was seeing, couldn’t believe she of all Wraith was behind this. He’d bargained on so many different outcomes, this was not one of them.

She waved Lewy off, flinging the Wraith’s cell open with a dramatic flourish, “Hello, Starlight,” she purred, leaning against the closed-cell doors with signature cockiness.

He flinched at the name, drawing back from her the best he could. He didn’t want to hear that name or see her say it. Not when it wasn’t true anymore…

“Not happy to see me?” she flicked her gaze up and down him with an impatient growl. “In any other situation…” he shuttered, breathing heavy, “I would be…” It was the truth, he had often thought about a reunion between them. But no like this…never like this…

The Queen of Two Moons barred her fangs, strolling over to the Wraith and catching his jaw in her delicate hands. She dragged him down, despite the way the Hive pulled him back. He met her eyes, a sneer plain on his face. She dug her nails in, a chuckle escaping her throat, “you are stubborn as I remember.”

He shook his head, ignoring the pain, “You are…w-why are you…” it all came out jumbled up in grief and heartache.

She raised an eyebrow, released him, and stepped back. She was waiting for him to continue, or, at least, reveling in his broken speech.

He bit his lip, letting his gaze drag over her, “I don’t…” No, that was a lie, he did understand, very well actually. He just didn’t want to acknowledge it.

The Queen that stood before him now was the Queen he’d told Sheppard that he’d involved all those years ago. Back then, he’d been the Commander under the Queen of Sprawling Skies. He’d known that she would never want a part in his operation, nor did he want her there. She was a strong Queen; one he could kneel before without feeling ill as he had felt with his first Queen. One he could let touch him, and one he felt he could allow to order him around when it was necessary. Additionally, her influence stretched several planetary systems, and, because of that, she did not have time to micromanage her Commander or, feel the need to establish strong dominance with him as other, weaker Queens had tried to do before to make up for their weaker Hives. That had been fine by him. He was perfectly content with his rather loose leash, free to do almost anything so long as it was under the radar.

He’d met the Queen of Two Moon’s, the one that now stood before him, at a summit of Queens. She had been young at the time, at least a thousand years younger than he himself was, probably more. She also had a very poor grasp of how to converse and stand up to some of the older Queens. He could tell she needed an alliance and a strong one at that. He’d seen potential in her, and he’d seen an ally for himself if he could manage to indebt her to him.

So, he had. He’d snuck out to her room’s one night, offered to teach her a few things, and gain her the allyship of his Queen. She’d joked with him that he was more Queen than Commander for coming to her like this. The comment wasn’t something he hadn’t heard before but, never something he’d heard so tenderly. That had only made him happier when she accepted his offer.

 

~

 

“What would you desire in exchange?” She asked.

He looked up from where he sat, pointedly, on the edge of her nest, with a glint in his eyes, he purred, “I have a network, a plan, a way to perhaps win this war even if we lose,”

She cocked her head, brow furrowing in surprise, “I’m listening”

 

~

 

He’d be the first one to admit that he manipulated her, and he wasn’t ashamed of it. That was the way these things worked when you weren’t a Queen. You had to be crafty because you couldn’t be overt, overt males got fed on.

But, like Lewy, there was little doubt in his mind that she blamed him, solely, for the Attero device and the subsequent fallout. And he understood, of course, because he blamed himself as well.

“No…” he breathed out, eyes fixed on her, “I do understand…you are angry.”

She sneered “You dragged me into your little game,” she stalked toward him, “knowing how easily it could fall flat.”

“I-“

“Silence,” she hissed, slapping him across the face “For once, you will keep your mouth shut while I finish.”

He froze under the impact, a memory rising up in him. He shut it down, forcing his mind to stay in the moment.

“You lost me everything; my Hive, my credibility, I almost lost my life.”

‘So, I should suffer now, 10,000 years later?’ he wanted to say, ‘have I not suffered enough?’ Instead, he choked out “so what are you going to do?” it was meant to sound casual, but the lump in his throat made the words hard to say.

“I have spent millennia building up the scraps I have,” she continued as if he hadn’t spoken, “And centuries searching for you.”

“How…flattering,” he was starting to slip, and his mouth felt like it was on automatic, with a million responses queued up, meant to deflect from how he really felt. Defect from the solar flare that was coming to disintegrate him.

She snarled, clenching fists together in anger. “You would not believe the joy I felt when I found out you were working with Atlantis again,” she reached out, caught his jaw, and ran her hand down it almost gently, to the base of his neck. “I would have thought you would have learned your lesson but,” the pads of her fingers pressed against the skin covering his collar bones, “It seems that even you cannot help but to give reason for your own punishment. I would have thought your first mistake was enough.”

He peered at her through slitted vision, fists tensing in his bonds. If he had ever found this situation amusing, he definitely didn’t now. Not now that she’d mentioned Atlantis. 'that means she knows I know things’ and he knew so many things…his heart started to race. So many things she could get from him…so much that would endanger Sheppard…

His face must have betrayed something because she purred, sliding her hand down to the neck of his shirt, tracing a sharp claw over the skin there. “I see 10,000 years have not dulled your mind,” her eyes were dilated, black almost fully covering the greenish-yellow pigment there. He got a horrible feeling that something familiar was coming.

Suddenly, far too suddenly, his bonds broke and his body went toppling to the ground. He managed to catch himself on his palms, only for the Hive to turn soft under his weight. He had the reflexes to roll away from it before the matter could capture his hands again. Once far enough away from the danger, he sprang up, only for his weak legs to buckle under him once more. He managed to hit the wall before he could fall completely, using it to keep him upright and to hold direct eye contact with the Queen that was now stalking closer. He felt lightheaded and solid at the same time.

His body ached and burned as if it was on fire. he felt helpless, constricted, cornered.

Something flashed behind his eyes

 

~

 

A powerful shock sent him reeling back against the wall where he hit his head hard enough to black his vision for a few, precious seconds. In that time, Acastus got to him, taser out and ready to strike. The Wraith, exhausted from weeks of starvation, could only peer up at him with pleading as eyes as the human went for his belt.

Not again…

 

~

 

He snarled, shaking his head violently to chase it away so he could make a move to escape, or overpower the Queen at least.

It was too late. He tried to move his wrists, but they were bound in place by more of the Hive. He tried to kick his feet but the same was true.

The Queen approached him steadily, purring all the way, not caring about the noises of panic her prey was making, or the things running through his head.

“D-Do not touch me…” he forced out between hisses.

She chuckled, arm going out to his cheek, jerking her hand back when his teeth came out to bite her.

He got another slap for that, and her nails caught his flesh on the way. She shoved something in his mouth; something large that he couldn’t spit out. The only solace was that the thing completely restricted access to his mouth, instead of only blocking his teeth as the one Acastus had used. ‘Do not be stupid’ he snapped at himself, 'we do not do that to each other' the reminder did little to help him believe that that wasn’t where this was going. 'there are so much worse things than that that he did to you, why are you so focused on this one?’

He couldn’t say. Just as he couldn’t do anything but watch, helplessly, as the Queen dragged a sharp nail against the fabric of his shirt, splitting it open. She pulled apart the fabric to expose the skin there and, the many inky black markings that adorned him. All meant to be worn with pride and distinction…all that he would only put on display for those he trusted.

With a predatory smile, she traced one of the more intricate ones near his right collar bone, the mark of a Commander. One of his first after his starburst around his eye.

He shivered under her caress, fighting the fear from his eyes. 'that is not where this is going' he insisted again.

“There are so many of these, huh Starlight?” He growled in response, tensing when her hand started moving again. “But none very recent, I suppose?” her eyes and hand then fell to one across his left hip and her smile widened to show sharp teeth, “This is, though?” she looked at him, expecting some kind of an answer.

He just stared at her, trying not to think about it. He really didn’t need that memory to come smacking him in the face.

She scoffed, “I will get what I want from you soon enough.”

He ground his teeth against the gag, eyes narrow, challenging despite everything in him telling him to just submit. But he was never good at submitting, even to Queens. Especially to Queens.

She purred in response to his defiance, hand chasing up his abdomen to settle directly in the middle of his chest, “this is much better,” she informed, reaching up with her left hand to cup his cheek with a whisper of care, “I should have known what I was getting myself into when you had the audacity to come to me in the way that you did,” she clicked her tongue baring teeth and sinking nails into the skin of his face.

He recoiled in pain, winced at the familiar feeling of blood running over his skin. Something sick was rising in him, a deep sense of wrongness twisting him into knots. Why hadn’t she fed yet?

His answer came as Claws of a different kind pressed against him, teasing the strong barrier he’d built around his mind. He tensed it immediately, fighting her desire to enter. He’d blocked her before countless times, but that was long ago when, his mental defenses had been much more practiced, and hers had been much weaker than he could sense they were now. Years of isolation from other Wraith had left him pliable, and millennia had made hers ridged, tough, and formidable.

And right in the middle of it all, her feeding organ latched onto his chest. He screamed through the gag, body jerking painfully at the intrusion and the pull. it was agony the sensation of all his energy being ripped from him, out of his very being. It was like fire, like being burned alive and frozen to death all at once. he withered under her, the strain taking everything from him, stomping his mental defenses down to almost nothing.

She chuckled against him, purring at the pleasure he knew she was getting from this.

She pushed against his mind again and sunk into to the stretching film he just managed to keep up. “Come on” she hissed, “Let me in.”

He shook his head in defiance, he wouldn’t.

But, his energy was failing him and the pain was clouding his focus. He needed an anchor, and that he did not have.

'Go to hell!’ ‘I’m getting out of here whether they like it or not!’ The mental voice, not the Wraith's own, but his humans, got both the Wraith and the Queens attention. 

She stared at him in shock.

He smirked the best he could.

Of course, Sheppard was here now, despite everything, the Wraith could still count on the stubborn male to show up for him. He took the moment of reprieve to use the little energy he had left to latch onto the voice, letting their minds connect stronger than they were now. He felt the rush of shock at something, and he took that energy and threw it right back in the Queen’s face, using Shepard’s strength as a surrogate for his own.

She snarled, pushing back down on his chest to take more. In his mind, Sheppard screamed and the Wraith, Todd, Todd felt the crushing weight of his agony and the guilt of giving it to someone else.

There was so much confusion there, and so much pain that it nearly overwhelmed both of them.

Todd tried to reach out with his voice, tried to calm him 'Sheppard! I am sorry, I have no choice I-' 

'Todd!' his human screeched.

Todd knew that Sheppard’s strength was draining fast, and he also knew that to keep the human so connected would only cause him further pain.

So, he took what could, he built his wall despite the agony. He snarled, angry, enraged, at the Queen and forced her out. Then, when she was gone enough, and he felt Sheppard try and find him again, he pushed the male away.

The break hurt almost as much as the drain but, at least Sheppard was safe. And so was Todd, for now. He knew a mental battle like that would have exhausted the Queen for at least a few hours. He’d have that time to gather his strength.

Todd stared, through hazy vision, at the Queen who looked like she was going to kill him. “What is wrong with you?” she growled, bending back down to grab his jaw and pull him forward, “I have never met a male so hopelessly bad at being Wraith.”

The impact of her hand and the squeeze of it popped the thing out of his mouth and snarled at her full force, “My natural…talent.” He spat out.

She sneered, “I should have fed upon you that first night and saved your Queen the trouble of a broken Commander.”

That made him flinch. It wasn’t the first time someone had commented on it, but it hurt coming from the Queen who had, before, saw his defiance as something he should be proud of.

 

~

 

“You are unlike any male I have ever met,” she’d purred during one of their early rendezvous.

He held her in his arms, indulging himself in the feel of her, “And you, unlike like any Queen.”

Her soft, young smile glittered across his very mind, her joy and affection causing him to feel weak, submissive to a Queen for the very first time in his entire life.

And the very last.

 

~

 

‘I-If you are going to kill me…j-just do it.” Her hand was still on him, the pressure made him feel sicker than he already felt. “J-Just get it over with…” he closed his eyes, he couldn’t bear to look at her anymore. Not after everything, not when this reminded him of a furry of conflicting emotions.

There was a pause, then she said “I am not going to kill you, Starlight.” Her hand rubbed the wound on his chest, “not for a long time yet.”

He felt it coming, he wrenched in his bonds “No! Please I do not want-“

But the gift was already following into him full force, the feel of it all throwing him headfirst into the worst experience of his life.

 

~

 

“Acastus please…please do not do this to me-" the Wraith pleaded with his captor, holding his feeding hand stiff against the wall of his cell, desperately trying to evade the human’s advances.

“Finally,” the man breathed out, bringing the Wraiths feeding hand out with ease, “something that makes you squirm,”

 

~

 

The flow of pleasure, the conflicting feelings of hating it, and being desperate for relief twirled in the Wraith’s mind in the way they had with Acastus. He felt the same shame, pleasure, and anger at that pleasure that he had back then. All made a thousand times worse because it was her. She knew why this was wrong…she knew how this felt, the intense violation of not just body, but mind a soul that was receiving the gift unwillingly.

This was what made him feel disgusting, what sent shivers and needles up his spine to lodge into his brain

 

~

 

Acastus moaned as life from the Wraith’s own body flooded into him. The Wraith would rather gouge out his own eyes than continue to look at his captor's blissed-out face but, he knew if he closed them, then the pain would surely come, and he could not take any more of that today.

He did his best to ignore the growing pleasure in his own body, hiding it under the shame of getting any pleasure at all from this soul rape. ‘What is wrong with you?’  his mind seemed to scream, ‘have you forgotten who he is? Or are you simply that desperate for relief that you would allow yourself to be taken like this? You are letting him win!'

But he couldn’t help it, he really was that desperate.

'Disgusting'

 

~

 

He failed to hold her gaze, head going back against the cell wall as his body gave in to the sensation. Fists clenched, teeth bared, he had no choice but to take it, disgusted in the way it was mending his body, and taking the edge off the hunger growing within him from giving so much to Sheppard.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, the Queen pulled back.

Todd tried to lunge at her but, the Hive held his hands steadfast, and his sore body only yanked against the bonds. He snarled at her in contempt and, despite the impossibility of it all, tried to use the new stretch to crack them. No such luck.

She only smirked at him from above, “You must stop trying so hard, Starlight. I will gain what I desire sooner or later.”

“You underestimate me,” he snapped, “I have endured suffering before and came out on top, this time will be no different.” He did not mention that escape last time had only been possible because of his human.

Her snicker cackled throughout the cell, “I will give you time to think before I come again,” she gave him one last sneer before exiting.

The door closed and his hands become unbound almost immediately after that. He raced up to the door, shouting at her to “come back and face him” but, she was already gone. Leaving him with a deep sense of dread about what was to come.

 

 

John

 

John needed to find the link again, that was the gist of what Mirage had ended up telling him.

“If we could find out who is holding him, prisoner,” she’d said, “we could locate him.”

John wanted to get started right away, but she’d insisted that he take a couple of hours to get settled first. He didn’t want to get settled, not in the slightest but, something about her motherly, demanding look had made him shut his mouth and agree to a meal and maybe a shower, he was still trying to weasel his way out of that one.

She was also right when she’d said that he couldn’t do anything mental if he was physically weak, he just didn’t want to admit it.

The idea of taking care of himself while Todd was suffering made him physically ill. His heart ached like crazy thinking of him in the amount of pain he was probably in.

He hated that it hurt him so much to think of Todd in pain but, not because Todd was Wraith. No, it was because John had gone and gotten himself attached. He wanted…God, he didn’t know what he wanted. Not really, unless knowing he wanted Todd by his side counted, he thought that was too general to count though.

‘Just get him home safe’ When and only when Todd was safe, could John think about his own personal feelings again.

He followed Mirage, trailing a few steps behind, walking from the medical wing to the worshiper’s hall where the rooms suitable for humans existed. It wasn’t a long walk, and John was surprised at how human this area of the Hive felt. There were plants everywhere, they crawled along the walls; covering the purple mass in brilliant green, sprouting beautiful flowers and, occasionally, something fruit-like. They looked nothing like any plants John had ever seen and, he guessed that they were capable of some sort of symbiotic relationship with the Hive. It was lighter on this side too, and someone had wrapped all manner of colors of ribbon around those pillars that usually loomed menacingly over all that came near them.

As they got closer, the delicious smell of warm bread and meat cooking filled John’s nose and he could hear the sound of rushing water.

“Just through these doors,” Mirage informed, leading John through double doors that opened up into a huge, and he meant huge multipurpose room.

His mouth fell open in shock at the fifty or so humans that filled the space with loud, joyous chatter. All around him were humans of all different races, ages, and genders grouped together either in sitting areas marked by bean bag-looking chairs and woven tabletops or running around with baskets or children in their hands. He saw that didn’t look quite human too, and a couple of Wraith enjoying the company of smiling counterparts. There was a large cooking area and a long, Wraith-like table wherein at least twenty sat, enjoying a meal. He heard music and smelled paint. The rushing sound, he discovered, came from a fountain somewhat in the middle where a man and a woman were filling clay jugs. He was sure there was more he hadn’t noticed. It was unlike anything he’d ever seen. and the warmth and love that seemed to fill the room even managed to touch his sheltered heart.

An image of Todd and him, sitting together on one of those chairs, the Wraiths hand in his hair…his lips…

“Whoa…” he said out loud, both in amazement and to stop the dangerous fantasy.

Mirage chuckled, placing her hands on his shoulders to guide him through the crowd. Several humans turned away from their tasks to eye the newcomer, but their faces were nothing but friendly.

She brought him to the kitchen area where she leaned against a barrier counter and whistled to get the attention of a male who was stirring a large pot of something.

He grinned when he saw her. “Mirage!” he came over to embrace her, his much shorter stature only coming up to her neck. He had bright red hair that hung loose to his shoulders and was strewn with those beads most of the others also seemed to have.

Mirage hugged him back, then pulled away to introduce him to John. “Cain, this is John Sheppard, he’s a new guest here.”

Cain went for a hug, and John instinctively stepped back, pulling his coat closer around him. It may be warm in here, but not warm enough for a hug from a stranger.

“He’s had a long journey,” Mirage said kindly when Cain’s face fell. John felt a twinge of guilt but, pushed it aside.

Cain recovered quickly, bowing slightly instead. John noticed that he was missing a finger on his left hand. “Cain, pleasure to meet you.”

“Pleasure…” John mumbled, not meeting his brown eyes. his fingers fiddled with his sleeves of the coat. How long would he have to stand here?

Cain looked him over, eyes falling on the coat with understanding, “You’re the human the Commander picked up, aren’t you?”

He nodded, starting to get anxious at the prospect of a conversation when he should be trying to find his- Todd.

His gaze turned full of pity “I am so sorry…I couldn’t imagine what I would do if my mate was ca-

“ “He’s not my mate.” John snapped back, stepping further away, defensively “He’s just a friend…a friend who’s in danger right now.” He cast a desperate look at Mirage who gave him a little nod back.

She turned Cain towards her and said softly,

“This isn’t the best time to chat, could you get John something to eat that he can take to his room?”

“Of course…” Cain cast one more pitying look at John before going off in the direction of one of the stoves.

John watched him fill a blow with a thick-looking stew and a hunk of bread. He came back over and handed it to John carefully.

He mumbled a “thank you” and let Mirage lead him in another direction. He felt a little guilty at how he’d spoken to Cain, but his mind was dead set on helping Todd and thus, there was little room left for anything else.

Maybe he’d go back and say Hi to Cain once Todd was safe.

No, he probably wouldn’t, he wouldn’t leave Todd’s side once Todd was safe.

‘Wait what? Where didn’t that come from? Ugh, never mind.’ he chastised himself yet again for those…thoughts.

Mirage lead him through one of many archways that stemmed from the room and, past dozens of doors before finally opening one. Inside was a room set up much like a human hotel room might be, minus the TV and mini-fridge.

“It's not much, I know, most of the human’s here do quite a lot of rearranging and redecorating." the comment was pointless, and clearly said out of an effort to make John feel more comfortable in this new space. Laughable he wouldn't feel comfortable until the Wraith was back. 

“It’s fine.” He mumbled, setting his food down on a little table and going over to inspect the bed. It was a twin with a mattress somewhere between cloud-soft and firm. The bedspread felt like normal cloth, instead of the fur he’d woken on. It felt almost like home, just almost. This was still a Hive, after all.

Mirage sighed. She came over to him to take his hands in hers, “I know that you’re upset, John, but you’re of no use to Todd like this,” she took him back to the table and sat him down on one of two soft chairs, “I’m not taking you to see Astra until you’ve at least eaten.”

He grimaced at her ploy but ultimately gave in and tucked into his meal. It was delicious and reminded him of the stew he’d eaten while captured on Lewy’s Hive.

And just like that, his appetite was even more gone than it had been before. He went to push the food away but, a look from Mirage had him shoving the suddenly sandpaper-tasting food down his throat.

They compromised at half the bowl and all of the bread.

When he was finished, he stood up, looking her in the eyes as he said, “Let’s go.”

“You should show-"

Johns's heart rate spiked and he growled a little, “Who cares, he’s in danger.” He’d promised Todd he wouldn’t leave him behind, he wasn’t about to break the promise, or draw it out any longer than was absolutely necessary.

Mirage didn’t have time to speak, because Astra, now in the room, spoke for her.

“We can appreciate how you feel,” he said, pushing himself off the door frame and coming to sit on the edge of John’s bed, “The Commander is lucky to have such a devoted m- friend.”

John felt himself relax just a little, he sunk back into his chair.

“But if you’re worn out, then the chances of bridging the gap between your minds again are slimmer.”

He tensed again, “So I should what? Eat, sleep? Fucking shower when one of my men is in danger?” Calling Todd one of his men was the only thing he could do to make his mind feel better about how much he needed the Wraith back. 

He eyed the Commander viciously.

“Dara is strong,” Mirage answered, “He won’t break so easily.”

“You have no idea what he’s been through these past few years,” John mumbled.

“We know of Koyla,” Astra said gravely.

He shook his head, “it's more than that…” he wrapped his arms around himself, recalling the memories Todd had shared.

Mirage settled her hand on his back, “We will find him, I promise…”

He looked up at her, “I need him to know that I’m coming for him, I need to give him hope.”

Mirage and Astra glanced at each other, a smile ghosting over their lips. a long beat of silence permeated the room before either of them spoke;

“Very well," Astra stated, "it is your choice, after all." he stood up, holding a hand out for Mirage, "let's begin."

Notes:

You decide what Todd and the Queen's relationship was:) it's completely open to interpretation.

Thank you as always for reading, and for the kudos and comments. Hope you enjoyed it!

Chapter 14: Fatigue and Longing

Summary:

Todd tries to stay alive while his past torments him along with his present. John goes from utterly hopeless to utterly hopeful.

Notes:

Hi everyone! I don't really know what to say other than I had major writer's block for the logistics of this chapter and the next. I tried very hard to work on it but believe me when I tell you nothing was working :(

I think part of it still reads a bit rough but honestly, I just want to publish this chapter so I can write the next.

to get to the point, I'm really sorry that it's been so long since I updated this story. Thank you though everyone for getting this to so many reads, kudos, and, comments. That support has been beyond encouraging in terms of forcing myself to work on this fic.

Again, I'm sorry it took 10 months but, here it is!

Todd

                                                                                                                

The Queen’s feeding hand detached with a sharp tear, accompanied by a low hiss at Todd’s roar of denial.

He flopped forward, chest heaving with the effort to keep his body steady when his arms were stretched so far up to the ceiling that he stood on his toes.

“Give in,” she growled, seizing his jaw to pull him down despite the immovable bonds.

He only snarled back, meeting her eyes with deep-set denial. He wouldn’t give in, no matter how many times just today that she’d came in to take and give back. So much enzyme ran through his blood, enough to turn many into full-blown worshipers. But Todd was Wraith, and resistant to females in general, so all did was make him feel violated. Violated and exhausted as each time she’d attached that Godforaksen organ to his chest, she’d tried to force her way into his mind. It hadn’t worked so far but, it had dragged up memories he’d fought so hard to bury. He didn’t show it, but inside his blood ran cold and his head spun with the effort of fighting off the onslaught of less than desirable emotions she pulled out of him.

He had to remind himself, constantly, of where he really was.

‘Not in that place, not hopeless’

“How much more can you take?” she hissed, slapping him hard enough to send his head bouncing. Despite everything, he fought an eye roll at her frustrated expression. Didn’t she expect this? She knew his nature, had even reveled in it in the past. why was she expecting subordination from him now? Perhaps she believed him destitute enough to push aside his pride and bow?

“Much more…” A chuckle escaped his lips, earning him another slap.

With a scowl, she hissed and drew back from him at last., “I will be back.”

He just looked upon her with a lazy stare designed to hide the turmoil. His bonds broke and he slumped to the floor, utterly spent.

Finally alone, Todd allowed himself to curl up, head tucked to his chest. He focused on his labored breathing in a vain attempt to even it out. But the chokehold the bunker had on him was brutal and unforgiving. Pins and needles raced up his arms and legs, a deep, primal shudder wracked his body and he had to clench his jaw to avoid a whimper.

By the Primary what was wrong with him? The Genii had been human, human. And he was a seasoned Wraith commander with centuries of experience. He was the offspring of the most feared and respected Hives, and the apprentice of the oldest known Wraith left in the galaxy. Why did this all affect him the way it did? Surely if he were back on his nest Hive he’d be laughed out for his cowardice.

Desperate for something, anything, to distract him from thoughts of Acastus, Todd’s attention turned to his past, specifically his early years. He found himself asking the question he’d asked so much as a youngling; What would First Light do?

FirstLight…that was a beast in and of itself. His mentor when he was a youngling, and a Wraith so old that it was rumored he’d experienced the Wraith transition from home planet to the stars. So feared that no one dared cross him, and so revered that some whispered he was something else entirely.

Todd knew what a load of bullshit that was. FirstLight was an old, ornery passivist who’d taken a backseat to anything and everything that had happened for at least the last fifty thousand years. Unfortunately for Todd, he was also an extremely skilled fighter, impressively knowledgeable diplomat, and mate to Todd’s nest, Queen. Commander of that Hive, he’d taken on Todd personally. For what reason was anyone’s guess, Todd hadn’t been slated to be anything more than a middling officer before First Light got his hands on him (another half-lie he’d told Sheppard). Years of brutal training and constant nitpicking had modeled him into Commander material. Great expectations rested on the shoulders of a Wraith taken in by such a Commander. Expectations he’d met and then some.

Back in his cell, he grit his teeth, clenching his fists so hard that his nails almost punctured his skin. FirstLight would tell him to get up and get on with it.

“Are you truly so broken that you cannot hold your head up to the stars they claim you were hatched among?”

FirstLight would not be cowering in a cell half-naked and on the verge of one of those human “Panic attacks” First Light would have taken control of this Hive by now and damn the consequences.

But how? Two Moons hated him far too much to bargain. She wanted coordinates and submission and Todd was willing to give her neither. He couldn’t risk Atlantis simply for his own personal gain. If the city was destroyed now, all his hard work would be for naught.

“You think too much like a human,” he scolded out loud, though it was another insult from his past, “and you act too much like a queen,”

Steeped in self-hatred now, he hulled himself over to a corner of the cell. It felt pathetic to cower like this, back pressed against the stone for protection. What mattered most though was that he wasn’t half blacking out or shaking too badly.

Sort of… but when he was alone it was easy enough to hide his hands from prying eyes.

The spot on his chest where she’d fed and gifted ached something awful. He found himself constantly running his left fingers over his right hand to confirm his feeding organ was unbound, and every time, touching it produced a shiver. It was like his body was waiting for electricity to burn it again.

Ugh, he needed an out, a break, anything…

Footsteps caught his attention. He was on his feet in an instant in case it was the Queen come to harm him again. He couldn’t afford to show weakness in front of her.

Relief and disgust pooled in his gut when the approaching Wraith was revealed to be Lewy.

“Come to gloat once more?” Todd said icily, crossing his arms to cover the wound.

Lewy smiled his ugly smile and folded his arms over his torso as well. “You do not look good.” He reeked of pride and excitement. No doubt he hadn’t yet gotten a real taste of his new position. Todd was sure he’d crumble under its weight.

When he made no move to enter the cell, Todd sighed and lowered himself to the floor once more. Then he shifted his eyes to meet Lewy’s and growled as threateningly as he could, even if eye contact was becoming difficult to bear.

 

~

 

“Look at me!” Acastus’s fist wound in Todd’s long white hair, “You look at me when I speak to you!”

 

~

 

With a shutter, he brought a hand to his head and choked out “You are not the first to enjoy gazing at me behind bars, I am starting to tire of it.”

“No one cares what you think.” The younger Wraith snapped with an edge of nervousness. No doubt there was still a part of him that dreaded what could happen if his prize escaped. There had always been that part in Acastus too, no matter how well he buried it. The logical part of Todd told him to leave it alone to avoid a beating. That part was quickly snuffed out by his nature, and the desire to appear alright when he defiantly wasn’t. A quality First Light had drilled into him.

“C-clearly,” he closed his eyes for a moment, gathering up the courage to say “How are you liking your new position, are congratulations in order?”

‘Shut up, Todd, this never ends well.’

“What does that mean?” Lewy demanded

Todd ignored himself and forced out a rough chuckle. He rolled over to put his back to Lewy. It was a clear sign that he thought the new Commander weak. The fear in him spiked, he shoved it down.

Lewy hissed, “You have got some nerve to speak to me that way-“

“You…are not…my Commander…” ‘and even if you were, I would never kneel.’

Never. Not to males like him.

Lewy was silent but Todd could almost taste the rage wafting off of him. Rage for this conversation, for the Attero device, it all blended together.

With a huff, Todd rolled back over to meet the male's eyes, “You will not last, you know.”

“Watch it.”

“I am simply stating a fact,” he hulled himself up into a sitting position, trying not to let his anxiety show, “I go off of your plan to draw me here.”

“The plan that worked?”

“Narrowly.”

“But it worked,” he chuckled, “You chose to save your human just like she said you would. You are horribly predictable.”

A wave of shame washed over him. he fell silent and his gaze dropped to the floor. It was true, of course, but hearing it time and time again took it’s toll.

Satisfied, Lewy left him there to stew.

 

 

John

 

Astra made him nervous; John didn’t really know why. Maybe it was how eerily similar he looked to Todd or, the way he always seemed a little uncomfortable. Maybe it was just that he was a stranger Wraith who was close to Todd at one point. Just like Lewy…

“You’re not concentrating.” Astra chided from his position sitting on the floor of John’s small room. They’d been in here for hours trying to connect to Todd. Or rather, helping John make the connection. Astra had explained that it had been too long and, Todd was too far away from him to find the other’s mind. So, it was all riding on John which, he hated. He’d much rather be put in charge of a battle than something as personal as this.

“I’m trying…”

“Try harder,” Astra almost hissed, agitated. John flinched and, the Wraith fixed his face immediately. “I apologize,” he said, “It is just that I have not seen him for a very long time.”

“It’s… it's okay…” he drew his knees to his chest and leaned back against his bed frame.

“You are trying your best and working with very little. It’s understandable that you would struggle, especially given how desperate you are to find him.”

“I’m not desperate.” His cheeks burned.

Astra raised a brow ridge.

John crumpled under his stare, “So what if I am? You love Mirage-“ his eyes shot open wide and he clamped his hand over his mouth. Ah fuck, he didn’t mean it like that. Did he…?

Astra’s face broke into a grin, “There’s no use hiding it, we can tell.”

“I don’t-“

“You feel something akin to love; That is undeniable.”

“How could you possibly know that?” he demanded, prickling.

“Please, you reek of it, human.”

His face bloomed red, he tucked it down with a slight whimper. Of course, Astra was right. He did feel something akin to love. Strangely, without the enzyme his feelings seemed stronger. He could barely admit that to himself though, never mind to Astra. “How did you and Todd meet?” he asked to steer them away from the conversation.

Astra’s lips quirked up in a smile. He blinked slowly, cat eyes shining. “He was my mentor… it's kind of like your position of father. It’s a Wraith who takes you on as apprentice and trains you to follow in his line of work or position on the Hive.”

“Wait but, don’t you have actual parents too?” Wraith had to come from somewhere.

“Sort of” he chuckled, “we don’t identify through the male line so, the Sire is irrelevant. Only the Queen is predisposed to feel affection towards her children and, only until they come of age. Though she maintains a certain care for them for the rest of their lives.”

“Oh…” he frowned, “you have kids though, right?”

He shrugged

John shot him a weird look, but didn't say anything either way. He'd never had a paternal urge either. Freud would have a field day with that fact, he was sure. 

"In any case," Astra elaborated, "He found me on the Hive he came to Command, and took me on as an apprentice. I served under him for a few centuries before the War started and he promoted me to third once his network gained traction. “

“Under Lewy?”

He made a face, “I never liked him. He did not have the same care for humans as Dara or I…” his expression turned dark.

John ran a hand through his hair, his eyes darting around the room, “why didn’t you stay in Pegasus?”

“It was not by choice. Dara made us, he told us to save ourselves…we wanted to take him with us but…” he trailed off, scowling. “He has his own mentor’s stubborn pride. He was going to stay behind to clean up his mess and wait for another opportunity to enact his plan.”

“Well uh…” John looked down. He wanted to tell Astra that that’s what Todd was doing now and that the New Lanteans weren’t assholes like the old. He couldn’t do that though, not without giving away the city.

“It matters little now,” Astra said, straightening, “close your eyes, try again.”

 

 

Todd

 

If his mind was to be trusted, it had been three days since Todd had seen Two Moons. Not that he’d gotten to rest or recover from her attacks in that time, the opposite actually. Not only was he batting back constant attempts from Sheppard to make a mental connection but, never since Acastus’s prison had Todd been beaten so badly.

Wraith, usually two at a time, sometimes three, and often accompanied by Lewy, came into his cell again and again, almost as if on a schedule, to try and hurt the information out of Todd.

It was laughable, he thought, that they would think that would work. All along his arms were scars and burn marks, from his time with Acastus. Beatings were nothing, even ones like this one right now.

An unfamiliar officer, one with a jagged stripe down the middle of his face and who wore metal-tipped boots, jammed his foot into Todd’s battered side, earning a shallow cough from the Wraith. This particular Wraith liked to wait in between hits, giving Todd just enough time to recover before he started up again, on a different part of the prisoner’s body.

This time it was his head, his temple. Something burst and Todd’s left eye went all hazy. Goddamit as Sheppard might say. He kept his mouth shut though, having to physically bite his tongue to hold it.

“Surely you must be tired of this by now” Lewy mused from the other side of the bars, the coward, “your body surely does look like it.”

Todd huffed, grimacing at the pressure on his half-broken rib cage. He wasn’t though, not by a long shot. Physical abuse meant nothing to him, he could go like that forever if it meant keeping his word to Sheppard.

His silence drew a snarl from Lewy who then banged on the bars to tell the other Wraith to stop. “It is no use, we must find another way to get to him.”

The steel Wraith narrowed his eyes, waiting for instruction.

Lewy stared back, clearly not getting the hint, just as Todd suspected he would not.

“Perhaps you could try asphyxiating me,” Todd mused, unable to help himself, “Or toss me out into space for a few seconds.”

“Quiet,” Lewy growled, glaring.

“You have already removed the claws on my off-hand, perhaps you could turn your attention to the other now?” he said it with a pained chuckle, enjoying the way Lewy’s face, blurry as it was, twisted into rage.

“You are not supposed to be this calm!”

“I am not?” He raised a brow ridge, still chuckling, “my apologies, I am simply waiting for the part where fear is supposed to overcome me.”

The Wraith’s whole body tensed, his fists closing so tightly that the earthy scent of blood filled the air, “I should cut out your tongue.”

“Do it,” Todd taunted against his better judgment, “You’d be doing a lot of Wraith, and humans, a favor.”

Lewy looked like he might just, for a split second his expression made it look like he had the courage to be determined. But, in the end, he just shook his head and turned to the other Wraith, “Cut off one of his fingers, anyone you want.” He didn’t stick around after that.

Todd set his jaw, refusing to flinch even as the other Wraith grinned down at him with a familiar, twisted hunger. “Off-hand out.” He ordered, withdrawing a small, sharp blade.

With a shaky hand, Todd complied. What was he supposed to do?

The Wraith didn’t seem interested in quick and easy. He bent down and trailed the blade down Todd’s hand. It prickled over each one of his fingers until hitting the base of his index. “Surrender.” He grunted, pressing down hard enough to draw blood.

Todd ground his teeth together, his eyes flicked up to meet his tormentor. “No.” he hissed.

“Suit yourself.”

Todd didn’t scream, even though the cut was agonizingly slow. He was even silent when the Wraith hit bone and paused to dig the knife in. He drilled a little hole before roughly sawing the rest of the way through.

What Todd was left with was a stub right where his finger met his hand. For a moment he just stared at it, watching his own blood pour out into the organic floor. He was too stunned to move.

‘It’s bleeding.’ his mind told him and, ‘it hurts.’

‘Yes,’ he answered back, ‘but not as bad as some things hurt.’

‘You’ll die if you don’t stop the bleeding.’

‘I will?’ he moved his hand, taking a sharp breath at the agony.

‘I will!’ he ripped off a piece of his shirt and wrapped it tightly around the wound. Blood soaked the cloth, so he wrapped another, and then another and waited for his body to heal the damage.

Perhaps he was too tired to care, maybe he didn’t know but, he didn’t worry if it would grow back on not. Instead, he sat against his corner, trying and failing to think of anything other than all his shortcomings, exhaustion came creeping in. He was exhausted, utterly. The past two weeks were beginning to take their toll in that area. Despite how desperately he wanted to stay awake, there was little he could when his eyes fluttered closed, and sleep came in from the shadows to pull him into her gentle embrace.

~

Fingers grapple with his hair, twisting the matted strands into cruel fists that yank his head around, bending his exhausted body to their will.

Rough, unyielding thrusts into his ass, and a pelvis against his lips. Someone jams a taser into his side, burning already marred flesh that he can’t heal. His body is so weak…so broken from this tortuous month…and now this, again.

It’s becoming too much to handle.

The organs disappear, melting with the scene around him, until he’s stumbling through a dark room, Wraith around him shouting and hissing a jumble of unidentifiable words. Hunger sears through him, brutal and unforgiving. He can barely stand, feet moving so slowly that it only goads the others on.

His fault, it's all his fault…

Sprawling Skies stares him down, ready to pass judgment…

The scene changes yet again, this time he’s running, as fast as his exhausted body can carry him, towards his faulty dart. Wraith are behind him and gaining; if they catch him he will die.

There's a bounty of sorts on his head. Nowhere is safe.

Out of the corner of his eye, he see’s a familiar flash of dark hair. A man, a New Lantean, the one that saved him. The man tries to call out for him, to give comfort, but the Wraith can’t hear him, and he slowly shrinks into nothing behind the trees. Gone. 

Getting into the dart he is thrown back into his bunker cell, Acastus standing above him, device out “No more games,” He sneers, and agony follows.

~

Todd shot up from the floor with a pained cry, body locking into a defensive position. Black still curled at the edges of his vision, his heart rate had skyrocketed, and he couldn’t tell the difference between one dark place and another.

Where was he? This place didn’t look like any of the places he’d been and suffered through. Yet it felt twice as crushing.

It took him a few seconds to remember the events of the past week. He was in a Hive, but not a Hive he knew well. It was the Queen’s Hive, not Acastus’s cage. He was trapped, but not destitute, in danger but not without hope.

Slowly, the crushing feeling faded into relief.

It was just a nightmare…It had been a week or so since he’d had one of those.

Sheppard’s warm body had chased them away for a time, his presence a reminder that those sensations were in the past because such a man could not be a trick. None of his captors were kind enough to envision such a human…

Sleep wasn’t something Wraith needed very often. Once or twice every human month would suffice. It was yet another human holdover that Todd greatly resented, though for different reasons than needing water. He had tried so hard not to for as long as he could. only resting once every six months was draining but, better than visits from his worst demons.

Ugh, why had he slept at all? His body had been doing fine without it thus far. Falling back into old habits wasn’t something he could afford.

But he’d just been so tired lately and Sheppard so comforting…he’d let himself slip up.

Now here he was, body practically screaming for more.

He ran his hands up and down his arms to chase away the pinpricks, then up to his sensory glands to get them going. Bringing himself out of half-sleep like this was never pleasant. His body ached to return to the void, he wouldn’t allow it.

‘Come on, wake up.’

He ground his teeth together and blinked to fight the darkness. Something twigged against his mind; a mix of different emotions that felt like a soft brush of security, despite their muddled nature. It only aided in grounding him a little, he needed real sensations. Pointed nails digging into his skin always helped him to return to the safety of consciousness. The first time he’d done that, he’d used too much force and broken the tough skin. Now he knew just how much force to apply without leaving marks.

How pathetic did that sound? He was acting like some human. Like something, he’d eaten in that cage.

‘You are not acting like the Commander I knew you to be,’ Again, FirstLight's words to him. Words he might say again if he was here.

He’d be right of course, he usually was. Todd was acting like a terrified youngling.

But again, how was he supposed to act any different?

He wasn’t his mentor; he wasn’t even himself anymore. The Wraith that First Light had known was confident, clever, and, most importantly, respected. Now he was just…Todd. Perpetually on the run, constantly juggling his past with the desire to have a Hive. Constantly failing to keep a home intact.

Alone in this cage, with no Hive or Sheppard to distract him, he was being forced to reckon with a face he’d kept buried for a long while now. He wasn’t okay and hadn’t been for a while.

He was fucked up, and no amount of humor or false pride could change that fact. The past twelve years had all but crushed him.

Except it wasn’t just the past twelve years, it was the past ten thousand. Ten thousand is a lot of time to endure anything, especially isolation. Sure, he’d had Hives, but almost always as a low level officer, and never for more than a handful of years at a time. Most of his life he’d spent on the run, hoping from planet to planet like a runner. Expect he was running because of his mistakes. He had no one to blame but himself for the countless lonely nights. Time spread out in front of him, full of never-ending loneliness, and pain colored his past.

With a groan, he pulled his legs closer, wincing at the pain in his finger. Right, his severed finger. What was he supposed to do now?

“Pathetic!” A voice rang out through the cell, snapping Todd’s head up. That sounded like…

“Seriously, where was this meek mild baby when I had you?” it finished, and Todd’s eyes fell on…no…he was dead.

Acastus Koyla leaned, hands in his pockets, at the other side of the cell. A smirk was plastered on his ugly face, the same trademark look that haunted Todd’s dreams.

“N-No,” Todd’s whole body trembled, his fear rising up like acid in his throat. He needed to get up, needed to stand and defend himself. “N-No…you’re dead…” He was dead right? Sheppard had killed him. When Todd had found out about that he’d been so happy. The happiest he’d been in a long, long time actually. He’d felt safe for the first time in twelve years. Surely these Wraith hadn’t revived him? surely this wasn’t another torture? He could not bear a torture like that.

Acastus snorted, nodding, “Of course I’m dead. Sheppard killed me, you know that.”

Relief knocked the wind out of him and he let out a strangled cry like a wounded animal.

“You’re hallucinating, probably from stress and fear.” The male added.

Hallucinating. Yes, from pain and from exhaustion. Definitely from fear. Yes, that was okay…

“I’m hallucinating…” he repeated, “Hallucinating…you?” Why would he be seeing Acastus? What part of himself would ever want to see that monster up close again? Even now his heart was racing, his blood rushing and roaring in his ears. He wanted desperately to cover his arms and all the burn scars that rested on them

The figment of his worst nightmare shrugged, stepping forward, making Todd flinch again. “Do not come near me.” He snapped at the Genii Commander.

The male rolled his eyes, “I’m not real, remember?” he took another step forward and Todd lept up, his arms out in a defensive position, “Back!”

“Okay, okay!” Acastus hopped back, arms out, “I’m back.”

Todd frowned; he honestly hadn’t expected that to work.

“I’m from your mind,” His voice grated against the Wraith’s soul, “don’t think I can disobey you if you get like that.” he settled his body against the wall and stuffed his hands in his pockets. With a smirk, he said, “It got you up though, huh?”

Todd snarled, keeping his hands out. Why him, why now? why when the Queen and his nightmares were already bad enough?

“Maybe it’s what you need.” Acastus said with a chuckle, “shock your system out of…whatever nonsense has you shivering like a wounded animal.”

“What I need is to leave this place.”

“Can’t do that if you’re about to cry.”

“I am not about to cry. I do not cry.”

Acastus snorted, giving the shriving Wraith an evaluative once over, “No, you don’t…” He paused, a slow grin spreading over his face, “Maybe I should threaten to fuck you.”

Todd’s whole body went ridged, the air rushed from his lungs. “No.” He knew the figment couldn’t touch him, but the memories were strong enough to make him afraid anyways.

“No,” Acastus agreed, “I can’t anyway, but they can do worse if you don’t think of something soon.”

“Think of what?” he snapped, starting to become a different kind of agitated. He didn’t like how this vision spoke to him; it was all wrong. Acastus would never speak to him like this, never.

“Don’t look at me,”

“Then what use are you except to frighten me?”

“One last kiss before you die?” he drawled.

“Tiackchalc! Why do you talk like that!” he demanded.

“It’s your hallucination, maybe that’s what you want.”

It was most certainly not. He shook his head, “I do not have to entertain this. If I ignore you, you will go away.”

Acastus looked briefly hurt which Todd didn’t care about at all. He sighed, “Suit yourself. But I don’t think I will.”

 

 

 John

 

John woke up screaming for Todd, his arms in a death grip around his pillow and his sheet thrown completely off the mattress. In the back of his mind, he felt pressure, a rush of energy, a connection! It was fading too fast, and when he tried to seize it, he only managed to catch the tail end. He shoved out as much emotion as he could in a desperate attempt to connect. Only for that tail end to rush from view.

“No!” He shouted, still trembling from the impact of the quickly fading dream sequence; “No! Fuck! He threw his pillow across the room, knocking an empty bowl off his table. It bounced from the Hive’s floor and rolled under the table to settle face down.

He couldn’t believe it. Three days of trying everything to make that connection and all he got was a fucking dream. “God fucking dammit!” He sent a fist into the headboard, wincing at the pain that bloomed up his arm to his shoulder.

And that dream…oh god that dream. He could scarcely recall more than the sensation of fear but god was that sensation strong. Something awful was happening in that dream…something bone-chilling.

He went to rub his eyes, discovered he was crying, and groaned. God fuck. Why did he have to care so much about Todd?

Ugh…He looked around at his room, at the shadows that danced in the low light, and tried to calm his racing heart. He had to think of it all as progress instead of failure. Maybe he could reach Todd in a dream again…no matter how much he didn’t want that.

He really didn’t want that.

With a sigh, he slumped against the headboard to rest for a moment before getting up to make the trek to tell Mirage and Astra what had happened. He was supposed to go to them as soon as anything changed, night or day. Not that there was a “Day” just a time when lights dimmed.

Groaning, he pulled his shoes on and Todd’s cloak, stopping for a moment when the weight of it sent butterflies tumbling in his stomach.

He couldn’t go on for much longer like this, the need to find Todd was becoming too much to bear. And things we’re just so slow on this Hive. Locating someone was obviously difficult, John knew that, but this was agonizing…

If he was on Atlantis then he’d already have teams out searching, using stargates, and not caring about Wraith politics, which was part of the reason it was taking so long.

Astra couldn’t simply ask where Todd was, not without becoming a target of other Hives. John guessed that’s what happened when you helped a war criminal out. Just his luck, right?

He should go back home, he knew that, but fear of Woolsey and the rest shutting down the rescue mission and leaving Todd to fend for himself held John off. And the fact that he couldn’t explain just why he wanted to rescue Todd without telling them all about what the pair felt for each other. And that wasn’t an option, not if he wanted to stay on Atlantis.

If John was back on Atlantis with Mirage and Astra however…that might help things along. They were possible allies, which might sway Woolsey’s decision, and the two could provide their technology and information while Atlantis supplied the manpower and risk factor.

Also, not an option though. He couldn’t confirm the city’s existence to two total strangers, especially not after the week he’d had.

With a sigh, he waved his hand over the door sensor to make it rise, then stepped out into the blinding light of Hive "daytime.” John was probably the only one sleeping right now. Great.

He wound through the decorated hallways, hurrying past rooms where people laughed, talked, and drank. The last thing he needed right now was to get caught up talking to someone like Cain. Some of these people just didn’t understand boundaries.

Somehow John managed to get out of the Wors- People section and into the eerily lit main Hive undetected. However, once he was alone, a familiar feeling settled over him. The last time he’d walked one of these he was half high on fear and adrenaline. This wasn’t much different except for the fact that he didn’t have a weapon and Todd was going to come swooping in to pick him up. If only…what he wouldn’t give to be standing in the Wraith’s quarters right now, instead of on some unknown Hive with two people he still wasn’t sure he could trust.

Even back then, John had trusted Todd. Deep, deep down in him there was a baseline, a feeling that told him the Wraith was an ally, even during the times when it really seemed like he wasn’t. If everything had been up to John, Atlantis would probably be farther along with their unpredictable ally. At least that’s what the human hoped would have happened, it’s what he wanted to have happened.

And maybe it could still happen, maybe if they could find the Wraith and properly apologize to him, then a real alliance could start. The butterflies returned at the thought of the Colonel and Commander butting heads in the negotiation room, setting out for diplomatic missions together and…

John pinched himself, shaking the thoughts from his head. Why did he have to like Todd so much…why couldn’t he just be normal? It wasn’t natural for humans to love Wraith…it was probably even more unnatural than being gay. So of course, John had to be both. Fag and…whatever you called someone who shacked it up with monsters.

‘Not monsters,’ he reminded himself with a guilty pang. It was just his mind getting defensive after the loss of something he yearned to have. If he could convince himself that he didn’t need it then maybe it wouldn’t hurt so much to lose.

Yeah right, he’d tried that. It didn’t work. Another pang went through him, the terrible memory of the nightmare and the grief of losing his mental connection again.

Or rather, Todd blocking their mental connection. What came after that thought was deep, unfiltered annoyance and betrayal. The connection was clearly there, no matter how weak and still, Todd had chosen to block him out. Over and over again; it was just another way to keep John out of the loop on the important stuff.

He got that Todd felt like he had to go through…whatever he was going through, alone, but it irked John, nonetheless. It was like the Wraith Commander had no concept of community or even friendship like he believed it was him versus the world. That and he changed his mind every five seconds. But that might have something to do with his past…

One day, John was going to have a good old-fashioned heart to heart with his- the Wraith like they’d had in the Hive cell, except with less pressure and arguing. John was pretty sure he knew what influenced the Commander’s hot and cold nature, but he wanted to know for sure.

And John was going to find out because Goddamnit they were going to find him.

Filled with new resolve, he picked up the pace, determined to find Mirage.

“Left turn…right turn…and then another left?” he mumbled, padding along the soft floor. He could scarcely remember the directions Mirage had given him, and even though the pair had walked it once, the Hive was as confusingly the same as ever. Each pillar and wall looked nearly identical to the last. John inched to draw a weapon, his only defense against any unfamiliar Wraith he hadn’t met yet.

After a solid long as hell amount of time running through identical hallways, John forced himself to stop to catch his breath. His heart was beating out of his chest again, and the remnants of the nightmare danced at the edges of his vision.

Todd had been so scared…frightened in a way John didn’t think Wraith could be. Bile raised in his throat, the desperate need to help his friend overtaking him.

Blindly, wrought with worry, he stumbled around. Searching for a room, a light, anything that could help get him where he needed to go.

This part of the Hive felt dead though. Did anyone even live here? How big were Hives anyways? if John truly was lost, would anyone be able to find him before he died of thirst?

“Don’t be stupid, John, they’ll find you.” he chastised himself to chase the thoughts away, he didn’t believe it though, and his heart continued to sound like a little kid’s drum circle. Gasping, he steadied himself on a wall for a moment then ran in the opposite direction, hopefully, the one he’d come from, resting the urge to call out to anyone.

John was so caught up in his own worried thoughts that, when he did come across someone, he slammed headfirst into them with a yelp. he jumped back, hand reaching for his sidearm on impulse.

“Hey! Hey!” A familiar voice exclaimed, “It’s alright, we were looking for you.”

“We?” John gasped, trying to calm himself down.

Cain nodded at the Wraith next to him.

Wraith probably wasn’t the best word. The thing looked Wraith enough…kinda. It looked a little more like Michael if John was being honest. Short brown hair, unheard of in Wraith males, a nose that elongated just a little more than Todd’s did, the whispers of eyebrow hair. Even the skin was slightly less green, more of a weird green tan. The Wraith thing smiled and the blunt teeth had John’s eyes going wide.

“This is Nexus,” Cain introduced the male, “He’s a hybrid, you probably guessed that though,”

“Yeah…” John gulped, meeting Nexus’s eyes. There was something familiar about them…something almost like… “You’re Mirage and Astra’s kid?” he asked but, it wasn’t a question.

Nexus dipped his head. When he spoke, his voice was almost painfully deep but, not multitoned, “Cain has told me much about you…John?”

“Mmm…” he nodded, a little entranced by the strangeness of this all, “W-What are you uh…doing here?”

“Looking for you,” Cain said with a slight tinge of exasperation, not unfriendly though. “Need help finding something? Because you’re not gonna find it in the unoccupied section.”

John blushed, embarrassed, “Mirage and Astra’s room? I have something important to tell them and-“

“Ah, say no more” he held up the hand where a finger was missing, “Come one, it’s a bit of a walk from here.”

Embarrassed probably wasn’t a strong enough word for what John felt when he discovered he’d gone in the exact wrong direction. But hey, was it really his fault? He hadn’t been on many Hives where he wasn’t running for his life, how was he to know the layout? It seemed that Mirage and Astra lived close to the Commander center because, as the three walked, some elements of the scene began to become familiar.

“Are there more like you?” He asked Nexus.

“Yes, I have many siblings,” he smiled slightly, “you will meet them in time,”

“Heh…thanks but, I don’t plan on being here that long.”

Nexus didn’t respond except to shrug and reach for Cain’s hand.

John did a double-take, stumbling in his shock. These two were a couple? He tried to hide the face he made, an ingrained reaction courtesy of Patrick Sheppard but, he failed and, Cain saw when he turned back to where the Colonel had gone.

A brief moment of hurt flicked over Cain’s face, he moved a little closer to his…boyfriend? Mate? And asked John to pick up the pace.

“I-I’m sorry-“ he found himself saying, running to catch up, “It-Its, not me its-“

“Its fine.” He said curtly, clearly pissed.

Nexus moved his hand up, leaning in a little with a familiar Wraith-like intensity. After a brief moment, the pair stopped and faced John.

Cain stared silently until Nexus nudged him. “Okay, okay fine.” He hissed, swatting the male on the shoulder, “Nexus says- ow!” He wince, rubbing his arm where the hybrid pinched it, “It's cool, man. We all have our uh…problems.”

“It’s not that I want to “

“No, I get it,” he sighed, stepping forward without Nexus, “I-“

“I’m just not used to it, you know?” he cut off Cain and laughed awkwardly, “Where I come from-“

“Oh trust me, John, I know what you mean.” He clasped the other’s man’s bicep, “When were you born? 1972? 73?”

“Uh…7-70…” what?

“So you’re how old?”

“Cain” Nexus warned.

“Th-thirty seven…”

Cain’s face withered; he let go, “So young…”

It took John a moment but when he got it, he got it. “You’re from Earth?”

“Born in California, 1966”

“Fuck…fuck. These people have been to Earth?”

Cain frowned. He pushed back some of his hair, “Have Lanteans been to Earth? Uh, yeah. I mean, wouldn’t you know that being-“

“Lanteans?” John all but gasped, taking a step back, “what the hell are you talking about?”

Cain’s frown deepened, Nexus let out a sigh and dragged a hand down his face. “I told you.” the Wraith hybrid lectured.

John ignored him “What the hell are you talking about!” he shouted loud enough for it to echo.

“Uh…”

“Just get me to Mirage.” He snapped, “right now.”

~

“Lantean!” John shouted at her, “You’re a goddamn Lantean!” it made sense. God, it made sense. Friends with Todd? Mate to someone related to the Wraith who’d served with him in the Lantean War. Was John stupid or something? And Mirage looked like…well, like that. She was perfect in that “I’m better than you” Lantean way. Christ, how did he not see it before? And god all this time they’d wasted not being on Atlantis.

Mirage stood next to a very amused-looking Astra. Her own green eyes swirled with worry and…something else. “I wanted to tell you-“

“Why didn’t you?” he stepped toward her and Astra’s expression turned defensive.

“We thought you might react poorly.”

“Ah fuck that,” he picked up a writing utensil that sat on their coffee table and tossed it across the room for emphasis.

“John…”

“Don’t “John” me, lady.” He snapped and picked up another thing, a small straw decorative ball. He squeezed it to mitigate his anger. “God I am so sick of people like you keeping things from me!” the ball crumbled under his palm. “What gives you the right to- Oh my God! Atlantis!” he stopped midsentence, realizing what this meant. Slowly, his glare turned into a grin and he could have hugged Mirage if Astra wouldn’t probably kill him. “We need to get to Atlantis right now.”

“John-“

“No, no. Atlantis, now. Get what you need together, the sooner the better.” He dropped the ball, still grinning. “I’ve got a team there! And Rodney will find a way to locate, a way to send a rescue mission without creating a civil war!” He beamed. He could be angry later when Todd was safe. Right now he finally had a way to help his friend without endangering his home.

Mirage looked like she wanted to argue but, mercifully, she only dipped her head, “We will be ready within the hour.”

Chapter 15: Reunion

Summary:

John is reunited with his friends, something beautiful comes from it.

Notes:

IMPORTANT note: I didn't think something through all the way. I had to do a recon and change the last couple of chapters so Astra and Todd are NOT related. They're just friends now, still with the same mentor relationship but without the genetic link. You'll see why soon and it'll make sense.

John

 

There was a Stargate on the Hive; John wanted to pretend he was surprised but, he wasn’t. These people, these Ancients seemed to have everything. Including a full arsenal of weapons, Astra had told John they could use to fight for Todd’s life.

They’d agreed, meeting briefly before heading to the stargate, that Astra’s Hive would be willing to provide anything short of transportation to wherever Todd was being held. Astra wasn’t willing to budge on involving his Hive in battle. He thought it was too risky; that, having just gotten back and being woefully without alliances, angering a powerful clan or alliance would end up getting them killed.

John understood, he didn’t like it but, he understood.

He was more than a little worried about getting the same speech on his end; Woolsey wouldn’t want to implicate Atlantis in Wraith affairs. John could only hope that the Hive providing the weapons might sway the expedition leader to lend the Daedalus to the cause. That or a few souped-up Jumpers. He’d take what he could get.

One thing was for certain, he was getting Todd back.

He’d told them to wait until he opened a wormhole back up for them to come through. It didn’t take a genius to know Woolsey wouldn’t like a surprise visit, especially one from a Wraith. No, better to explain the situation first, then introduce them.

It would waste precious Todd-finding hours but, John had to keep telling himself that the Wraith was strong. A few more hours in chains wouldn’t kill him, hopefully…

God, he wished Todd would talk to him.

The ocean-like event horizon rippled to life, cutting through the mechanical sound of dialing the DHD. John only just barely held himself back, knowing he had to send his code through. He prayed it was still active, not that it really mattered.

With no MALP, John had no way of knowing if they would lower the iris or if he would meet his death at the other end of the stargate, that’s where the recording came in.

The recording was a thirty-second-long video of John, made on a camera that was a fusion of Lantean and 1980’s earth technology. It featured a list of things only he would know, and a request to throw something through to prove the iris was open.

John held his breath from the time the recording went through, to the time when a single ballpoint pen dropped out of the blue and tumbled across the floor to come to a stop near John’s feet. He picked it up, feeling the weight in his hand, and grinned, “See ya on the other side,”

He practically dove through the event horizon, unable to wipe the grin off his face. Home, he was going home.

He stumbled out into the gate room, blinking in the harsh light, trying to get his bearings. He could tell soldiers stood at attention, could tell the tension in the air was days old, fraught with worry. It was palpable, excoriatingly clear even to his excitement-muddled brain.

The first thing he saw when his vision cleared was his team standing at the base of the staircase. Teyla, Ronan, Rodney, even Woolsey. They looked upon him with shock and awe, frozen, like they couldn’t believe their eyes.

“Hi…” he said awkwardly, unable to keep the grin off his face.

“John!” Teyla was the first to break into a run, tackling the wide-eyed Colonel in a bear hug which Ronan completed, lifting both of them up into the air a little, a massive grin on his face.

Rodney stood, shell shocked, face somewhere between immense relief and holding back tears. “Sheppard…” he sounded like he might faint like he was seeing a ghost…

That’s when it hit John that the last time he’d seen his friends, he’d been dying. Oh my god, they’d thought he was dead…

Fuck, two weeks was a long time, they might have even had a funeral for him…

“I’m okay…I’m alive…” he ended up saying, over and over again. He didn’t try to wriggle out of the hug like he normally would. Instead, he pressed his face again their warm bodies, heard their beating hearts. He could smell his friends better now after all this time apart. Teyla was warm honey and cinnamon, Ronon was sweat, metal and the lingering scent of the sea air he ran through along the balconies. The sensations pickled John’s eyes. No, those were tears.

John was crying even before he knew it. Big gasps and sobs, he shuddered in Ronan and Teyla’s arms, completely unable to get himself together. Maybe it was the familiar sensory input, maybe it was relief, but everything was all at once too much. He never thought he’d see them again…and they thought he was dead…

He’d never cried in public, especially not under the intense stares of his soldiers. He couldn’t get himself to stop though, and at the moment, he really didn’t care.

He could have stayed there forever if Woolsey hadn’t come up, a blatantly pleased expression on his face. “Welcome home…Colonel…” he paused for a moment, looking unsure what to say.

“Woolsey,” John greeted him with a smile, pulling away from the hug to wipe his eyes and regard his expedition leader, “Good to see you.”

“Likewise, John,” he said, a bit more warmly. He splayed his hand out in the general direction of Dr. Keller’s infirmary, “I uh…want a full report, but first It would be best if you headed to the infirmary.”

John shook his head, “I’m fine,” he shot Teyla a look when she tried to argue, “Trust me, I’ve spent way too long healing” he touched his side absently, “I’m anxious to fill you in, Sir.”

By some grace or god, Woolsey backed down. But only if John agreed to go straight there after the briefing.

“Yes Sir.”

~

Someone brought him water, and Teyla and Ronan helped him to walk while Rodney took up the front. The scientist hadn’t spoken yet, uncharacteristic for him.

John couldn’t believe where he was. He was walking the even, chestnut brown floors, blinking in the glowing yellow and white lights that decorated huge blueish metal columns. He stumbled up the stairs, eyes glued to the stained-glass mosaic. It’s sky blue and iridescent yellow colors sparkled, swirling and dancing around the room. Had anything ever looked so beautiful?

The panel doors of the briefing room opened for him, rotating to reveal the hardwood table Woolsey had dragged up that first week he’d been in power. All John could think about, as he traced the pads of his fingers over its surface, was how much he missed it.

It was only when he was alone with his friends, the panels shutting with barely a sound, that John came back to himself enough to relax, “It’s a long story” he told them all, glancing nervously at each one of them.

“I suspected as much.” Woolsey slid into his chair, “We thought you were dead, John.”

“We held a service,” Teyla added, “after we returned to the planet and found it…” she made a face, unable to finish the sentence.

Ronan nodded, his face gave nothing away, but his hunched body told John all he needed to know.

The Colonel’s eyes once again slid around the room to each of his team members. He briefly caught Rodney’s eyes before the scientist looked away. “Yeah…uh…It’s a…really long story…”

~

He told them everything, leaving out the parts where he’d made out with a Wraith of course. He told them about dying, Todd saving him, the capture, and how Todd had done his best to keep John safe. He told them about the Queen, about the feedings, about Todd’s past, and about Lewy, the rock, stitching himself up. He told them about how he’d come to be wearing Todd’s coat, how he’d come to find himself on Astra’s Hive. He told it all, visibly shaking through the entire ordeal, not meeting anyone’s eyes except for Woolsey’s stern but neutral ones. He even told them about the mental link, how he'd tried and failed to contact their ally. Last but not least, he told them about Mirage.

“Ancient?” Woolsey frowned, his face disbelieving at best, “are you sure?”

“Positive…” he choked out, “it makes sense…when you think about it.”

“I’m sorry,” Rodney cut in, seemingly at least a little over his spout of muteness, “Todd was some super-secret spy for the Ancients back in the day?”

John nodded; his fingers tapped the edge of the table nervously.

“And he helped them build a device that blows up Hive Ships?”

“And Stargates,” John corrected, “and he didn’t help build it, he was tricked.” A wave of anger roared in his blood, he smothered it. “Listen, I know it all sounds crazy-“

“You have no reason to lie, John” Teyla assured, glancing at Woosley who was still frowning, “Right, Mr. Woosley?”

“No…no of course not…” Woolsey straightened in his seat, “It is just all so much…” he trailed off, frowning.

“Yeah,” he chuckled despite himself, “It was a lot for me too…” he shifted in his seat, “I uh, actually wanted to bring them here. Mirage and Astra, I mean.”

Woolsey pressed his lips together, uncertain, “Is that wise?”

John shrugged. He had to play this cool, for Todd’s sake, “She’s been more than helpful, he has too. They’d both like to meet you, considering all we have in common.”

“In common?” Teyla echoed.

“Sure…Atlantis and whatnot. She’s a living, breathing, unascended Ancient for Christ's sake. They might even be interested in an alliance.”

“And the Wraith, you would bring him here too?” Woolsey interrogated, his stare menacing in its simplicity.

“I’ve learned a lot about Wraith, Sir.” John responded, his own look as palpable, “This one’s one of the better ones, trust me.”

Woolsey looked wary, as did Ronan and Teyla. John found himself looking to Rodney for backup.

Rodney rolled his eyes immediately, though his look of annoyance seemed to be held back by some other emotion John couldn’t name. “I mean…” he thought for a moment, “We have had Wraith here before. Todd, for example…” he nodded as if convincing himself, “He’s one Wraith, what have we got to lose?”

Teyla seemed to have a change of heart because she also nodded, “I suppose he could have attacked Atlantis by now if he wanted to. John obviously trusted him enough to come here from their ship without fear.”

Woolsey considered it, sitting there tracing a dent in his table for a long while before eventually sighing and rising to his feet. “Come back here with a clean bill of health and we’ll open a wormhole. I expect only cooperation through, Colonel, and I will not hesitate to shut it down if necessary.”

John breathed a sigh of relief, “Yes Sir,” a little voice in his mind was screaming that Todd was still out there. He smothered it, knowing better than to ask Woolsey for too much at once. Mirage and Astra would help convince everyone, until then, all John could do was comply with orders and hope to whatever god there might be that Woolsey would agree to a rescue mission.

Because, if not, he’d take a Jumper and do it himself.

~

“There's a lot of residual enzyme components…” Keller commented under her breath, looking at the lab results of John’s blood. The Colonel had been waiting anxiously, Teyla at his side, for nearly an hour. He tried to keep his foot from tapping but, it was no use and the second echoed throughout the infirmary. It didn’t mix well with the beeping of machines and the mechanical whirring of a centrifuge.

“Todd and I may have gone a little overboard,” he explained. She’d also been briefed, adding another half hour.

“I’ll say…” she set the results down, turning to him, “Lift up your- open your coat for me again”

He did so and she inspected the stitching, lightly tracing her fingers over it. The wound had gradually healed over the past few days in what felt remarkably fast to even someone with no medical training, like John. Mirage told him it was the residual effects of the gift of life and the topical enzyme embedded in the stitches. Nothing that could mess with his brain chemistry – thank god – but the wound was half the size it had been, the stitches simply falling off as it healed. There was still a nasty scar there though, one that would likely never fade.

“And this…this is amazing bioengineering; I’d really like to meet whoever did this…”

“Sure,” John smiled down at her. He was certain he could make that happen.

“It’s a miracle actually. Besides this wound, your body shows no signs of trauma.”

“How is that possible?” Teyla asked, “the last time we saw him he was…” her face fell, “bleeding out…”

Keller shook her head, “if the gift of life can reverse the feeding process, it must be able to heal other ailments…amazing.”

“Can we speed this up?” John asked, agitated. He only regretted it when Keller’s eyes flashed with offense. “Sorry…nothing against you, just anxious to get on with things.” Saving Todd, for one.

She nodded, her lips quirking up into a smile, “I won’t clear you for active duty for a least a week, but you seem to be remarkably fine for someone who went through what you did”

“Awesome, thanks doc.” he slid off the bed and grabbed her shoulder as an extra “thank you” and nudged his head in the direction of Woolsey’s office. “Lantians.”

“Bring her back here if you can,” Keller called out as he and Teyla left, “It’d be great to get some labs done!”

John only vaguely waved a yes, he wasn’t planning on doing much of anything until Todd was back.

~

Per Woolsey’s request, Mirage came through first. When she walked through the wormhole, into the gate room, John couldn’t help but stare.

She strode in with the confidence one might expect of an Ancient. Her emerald, green skirts flowed gracefully around her legs, and the empire sleeves of her bodice highlighted the swish of her torso. Her hair was braided around another one of those ornate scarves. This one glittered to mimic the diamonds Astra would be wearing. It shocked John to the core, in a way he couldn’t describe, to see her here.

Whatever he was feeling though, she must have been feeling twice over. She looked around, green eyes wide and shining, mouth somewhat slack, her whole body was ridged as if she didn’t believe she was really here. She paid no one any mind, especially not the soldiers who stood at attention just in case this was a trick. It wasn’t, John knew and, if he hadn’t, her reaction to coming home would have confirmed it.

‘10,000 years’ John thought in awe as he watched her bend down and trace her long fingers along the grain of the groves in the floor. He recognized that…the thing in the air, the thing he had felt when bringing the first ancient they’d ever encountered home and the crew of the Priya. He couldn’t name it, not properly, it just existed as an overwhelming desire to feel with her.

He wanted to watch her forever, to stay engrossed in her graceful joy, her undeniable recognition. For a moment, all thoughts left his head, and he was left with this powerful wave of welcome that felt stronger than it should. Why should he welcome an ancient home? He was just some asshole from Earth.

And yet, in the back of his head, he understood. He had too felt that thing that made her drop to her knees when he himself had first stepped into the city. A rush of emotion tangled itself up in his being like it had when he’d been forced to leave the city all those years ago.

He found himself walking forward, hand out grinning, and saying “Welcome back,”

She took his hand immediately, a bright smile lighting up the room, a melodic, “Thank you, John Sheppard,” echoing despite its low volume.

“Yes…” Woolsey approached, clearly in awe as well, “Welcome uh…back to the city Ma’am.”

“Mirage,” she corrected, still holding John’s hand, “You are Mr. Woolsey, correct?”

He nodded stiffly, his eyes darting around the room in an effort not to stare.

John heard Rodney whisper “He didn’t tell us she was hot.”

He closed his hand more tightly around hers as a strange possessive disgust washed over him.

Mirage chuckled, clearly not affected, and broke with John to cross her left hand over her chest and dip in greeting. Todd’s signal…

A new possessive wave hit him and he cleared his throat to cut off whatever Woolsey was going to say, “As much as I’d like to stand around and do introductions, there’s something I- we really need to talk to you about, sir.”

Woolsey shot him a disapproving look. He opened his mouth to speak but Mirage cut him off this time, “Yes, it is most pressing, actually…” she glanced back towards the gate, “If you’d allow my mate to come through so we can begin discussions immediately.”

Woolsey blinked, his frown deepening, “You didn’t say anything about discussions, Colonel.”

“Didn’t I?” he feigned innocence, “Sorry sir, musta slipped my mind; rough couple weeks you know.” He could have told Woolsey himself, but it was probably best that Mirage introduce the idea.

Woolsey eyed him with annoyance before returning to regard Mirage, “This conversation is urgent?”

“Very,” she glanced at the gate again, “It involves someone we care deeply about, someone you know,”

“Who-“

“Whoa,” John jumped in, “Astra first, then we can talk about who…”

Another look of annoyance, ‘Do I need to send you back to the infirmary?”

Fuck. He scrambled for the right words, but Mirage saved him, “It is best kept private, Mr. Woolsey,” she paused, “may I bring my mate in?”

At a loss for words and, probably sanity, Woolsey just nodded and glanced at John in a “Get your men back to attention” way.

John did no such thing, even holding his hands out to the soldiers in the “stand down” signal. He’d deal with the consequences of insubordination later.

In the end, it was all Woolsey could do to order the wormhole open.

~

Five humans, an Ancient and a Wraith walk into a bar… John thought as he looked around at the scene unfolding in the meeting room.

Woolsey stood at the head of his table, his hands splayed out on top of it, Mirage stood opposite, Astra next to her with a characteristically neutral expression on his face. That didn’t stop everyone but John from eyeing him with an intensity that would have brought a normal person to their knees. John guessed it helped that Astra wasn’t a person.

“A rescue mission?” Woolsey was echoing, “For a Wraith?” Astra, Mirage, and John had spent the last few minutes laying out the situation.

Mirage handled Woolsey’s disgust a lot better than John, who had to bite his lip to keep from saying something. She only nodded, a few loose dark curls fluttering around her face, “We have brought your Colonel back to you,”

“From what Colonel Sheppard told me, he brought himself back.”

“Nevertheless,” she smiled patiently, “this Wraith you call Todd is important to us. We lack the strength and connections to go after him ourselves,”

“So, you want our help?” Ronon accused, fist tightening on his weapon, “Finding a Wraith?”

“Not just a Wraith, Todd,” John couldn’t help himself, even if it got strange looks from everyone except Rodney who was too busy staring at Astra to react.

Ronon grunted, “Just a Wraith.”

“He’s our ally. We owe him a shot.” John countered.

“Do we?” Ronan crossed his arms, “like I said, just a Wraith.” 

Woolsey agreed, “Respectfully what you three have described sounds like Wraith infighting and politics, nothing Atlantis should involve itself with.”

John blanched, “Wait-“

Woolsey shot him a look, “We still don’t know for sure that what happened aboard the ship wasn’t at least partly his doing. I’m not comfortable sending a rescue team, even with your help,” he looked at Mirage, “I am not even sure we can trust you yet,”

“We understand that completely.” She was so calm that John could have wondered if she had emotions, “We would of course take every measure to ensure you would not be harmed. There are many things we can offer to forge a temporary alliance. Surely you would not be opposed to that.”

“Colonel Sheppard did…mention that, yes.”

“Contingent on your cooperation in getting our friend back, of course,”

Woolsey’s seemingly permanent frown deepened, highlighting the lines around his mouth. He glanced at John.

“I believe them, sir,” he just managed to say, “I think we should trust them.”

The expedition leader seemed to consider it for a moment. Little good it did anyone because he still said, “It is not that I am not open to negotiations, but this just doesn’t seem wise…”

John’s heart dropped to the floor and shattered into a million pieces. No. This couldn’t be happening. Not after everything.

Woolsey noticed his body drop “Todd has gotten himself out of trouble before, I’m sure of it. There's no need to risk more men for…well, A Wraith, Colonel.”

John grit his teeth, his fingers were white from gripping the edge of the table.

“Mr. Woolsey,” it was Astra’s turn to speak, “We understand your hesitation, but I am told Todd is an ally, is this how you would treat other allies?” his tone was accusatory.

“Never-“ John tried, but Woolsey silenced him with a glare.

“Of course not, Commander, but Todd has always been different. If you knew about everything you’d understand.”

“We do know, and your Colonel trusts him regardless.”

“John?” Teyla cut in, “Is this true?”

John’s fingers felt like they were going to break. He only managed to nod stiffly, not trusting himself to speak.

“I’m sorry,” Woolsey wasn’t looking her in the eye now, “Sheppard isn’t the only man on this base, he can’t speak for all of us.”

“And we don’t trust him,” Ronon added.

The Colonel stood up so fast the chair fell and clattered to the floor, “That’s bullshit! He’s our ally! I would be dead if it weren’t for him! we can’t just- just leave him out there to die!”

Woolsey took a step back, flinching under the Colonel’s anger.

“John-“ Mirage tried in an attempt to save the situation, but John interrupted, shouting, “We- I made him a promise!” he banged his first on the table and the crack echoed “we have to go and get him- we- we have to!”

He’d come too far, done too much, and suffered too greatly to just leave Todd behind now. Not after everything they’d been through, not when they hadn’t had a chance to…to something; it didn’t matter. Todd had to be here, he had to.

“Colonel Sheppard,” Woolsey tried to reason, “I understand that you Todd may have gotten close during your time together but, at the end of the day, Atlantis cannot spare the men and does not have the transportation necessary to rescue a Wraith-“

“The Daedalus is here? Isn’t it? You must have sent for it to find me, we can use it-“

“The Daedalus is a precious battle ship, it can’t be taken out on a whim-“

“On a whim?! Todd is not a whim!” He was visibly shaking, his heart was beating faster than it ever should. It didn’t matter how deeply he breathed either, he felt as if he couldn’t get the air into his lungs. He was once again on the verge of tears, desperate for the male he loved to be near him again.

“With all due respect, Colonel, though I sympathize for his plight, he is one Wraith. I could not justify the rescue of one Wraith to the IOA. Even one we are allied with. It wouldn’t be smart. We’re going to have to hope that Todd makes it out on his own.”

John seethed, a low, primal noise escaping his throat. An awful feeling ran over his skin then burrowed down into his bones, and lit them on fire. A desperate want he didn’t understand. It nearly snapped him in half under the force of it.

The room fell silent, Ronon, Rodney, and Teyla all stared at him with wide eyes and slacked expressions. They weren’t used to seeing such a passionate outburst from their military leader. A personal fight here and there sure, but rarely something like this. It made him more than a little self-conscious, and he could at once hear his own heartbeat in his ears.

Woolsey pressed his lips together, betraying his own anger, “I think it would be best if you left this room.”

He breathed raggedly, not quiet looking at Woolsey, not quite hearing him either.

“Now, Colonel,” Woolsey said again, loud enough to shock John back to the present.

“Right, yes, sorry,” he mumbled, pushing past a chair and taking the wide way around to the doors. They all opened at his command, giving him the freedom of fresh air.

He heard the footsteps of his team come after him as his own feet picked up the pace. Their voices called from the distance, but John didn’t care. He had to get the fuck out of here before someone saw his face and the tears threatening to spill down it. Most importantly, though, he had to grab supplies from his room before heading out. One way or another, he was going to get Todd back.

~

The Air Force gave every one of its soldiers, regardless of rank, a camo print canvas duffle bag. It was supposed to be to carry things like uniforms, training gear, playboy bunny magazines, and extra power bars. Right now, it was being filled with extra shirts, John’s shaving kit, his Air Force-issued water bottle, and of course, a shit ton of power bars. Johnny Cash blared from his CD player while John stuffed his bag with everything he cared about, and he hummed along to “Solitary Man.” The song, good as it was, did little to distract him from the overwhelming sense of dread pooling in his stomach.

The only thing stopping “Don’t recuse Todd” from being a direct order was how Woolsey said it. If John did this, he was as good as fired.

It made him sick to think about, until it didn’t. John had had a lot, and he meant a lot of time to think about his and Todd’s relationship. In the days spent uselessly trying to mind-meld with him on Astra’s Hive, he’d come to one conclusion; Todd meant something to him. It was probably sexual, definitely romantic, and well worth the risk he was about to take. It wouldn’t even be the first time John betrayed an order to recuse someone he cared for. As much as he hated to admit it, he’d rather go out saving Todd than stay cozy on Atlantis knowing he was responsible for the Wraith’s death.

This way, he wouldn’t even have to admit his sexual preferences and he wouldn’t be discharged for being gay, he’d be discharged for saving a friend against an order. Besides, there was at least a chance in hell that Woolsey would take pity on him after all was said and done, right?

Shaking his head, John zipped up his duffle and shoved it under his bed for safe keeping. It killed him, but he had to wait until night to do this, that was his only chance of getting away with the least amount of time and distance between detection and the stargate. He also needed to make sure that no progress toward an agreement was being made. Nothing would be worse than taking off right as Woolsey agreed to do it the easy way.

He checked his watch; six hours until the big night shift change. Six hours of waiting here in this little room, thinking about all he might be leaving behind in favor of a Wraith. He thought about leaving a note for his team to find, and an apology for Woolsey. Several times he picked up a pen and started some lame thing about missing them and “having to do this.” Every time, he crumpled it in his hand and tossed it into his trash can. If Ronon were here, they would have called points for every accurate toss.

Thinking about Ronon just made him nauseous. Another paper arched across the room to land perfectly on top of the pile where it teetered for a minute then tumbled to the floor.

“Ah fuck this,” John threw the pen for good measure and left his desk in favor of flopping on his bed with the blanket over his head. If he couldn’t write, maybe he could sleep; God knows he needed it.

‘Dammit, Todd, this better be worth it.’ The Wraith better not just push him away again once the rescue was complete.

He was just drifting off when a sharp knock sounded at his door.

Groaning, John threw his pillow over his head and rolled over to avoid it. He knew who it was, of course, and he couldn’t face them.

Teyla, Ronon, and Rodney each knocked again. John recognized each of their distinct knocks, and he knew how pissed each one was by the volume of it and the length of time from start to finish. Teyla was frustrated, Ronon was confused, and Rodney was just plain exasperated in that way he got at Radek, not at a junior member. It was a concerned exasperated that said he cared.

“We know you’re in there!” Rodney called against the door, “don’t make me break into your room.

He could do it too, without even breaking the door down.

“Damit.” John grit his teeth and threw the pillow across the room before swinging his legs over the side of the bed and shouting, “Okay already!” when Teyla began knocking again.

The last thing he wanted to do was face his team right now. He dragged his feet all the way to the door and only opened it when someone, probably Ronon, growled.

It slid open with a hiss to reveal the very serious-looking members of his team. At a loss for anything constructive to say, John asked, “What’s up?”

Teyla raised one of her perfectly groomed eyebrows, “May we come in?”

John didn’t get a chance to answer before Ronon and Rodney pushed past him and into the darker room.

Teyla stood waiting until John nodded his permission. Even then, she came in quietly, her expert eyes falling on the trashcan almost immediately.

John’s cheeks burned, he kicked a stray one under his desk just as Ronon sat down in his chair, his arms crossed.

The three regarded their Commander with sullen yet concerned expressions. It occurred to John, after a while, that they were waiting for him to speak.

“Nice…uh weather, huh?” he chuckled nervously, not meeting Teyla’s eyes.

Ronon grunted, “What’s with the outburst?”

“More like the temper tantrum- ow!” Rodney rubbed his arm where Teyla had hit him.

“What Rodney means to say,” she said tightly, her glare aimed at the scientist, “is that we are concerned over your behavior,”

He just shrugged, “you know how much I hate politics and politicians.” Lying to her wasn’t easy, morally or literally. She saw right through it.

“It is not just because of politics that you are angry, we know this.”

“You do, do you?” John grumbled, sitting down on his bed and spreading his legs out to rest his forearms on them.

“He’s a Wraith,” Ronon pointed out, picking up a ball of paper and tossing it onto the pile.

“You wouldn’t get it.” John answered, watching it land, gracefully, at the top.

Teyla hummed, taking one of his hands in hers, “Does it not seem impractical to you? As the head of the military, you must see Mr. Woolsey’s point-“

“Yeah, I see it.” He snatched his hand away, “But you don’t understand…”

She just took it again, this time holding him there when he tried to pull away, “I do not. You must explain it, John.”

He shook his head.

She sighed, “What is going- No, look at me.” She commanded

He tore his eyes from the ground and looked at her, the middle of her forehead.

“Look at me.”

He complied, nearly gasping at the intensity he found.

“Good,” she continued, voice once again soft, kind. “Tell me, what is going on, John? I will listen, we all will.”

Both the men offered kind, agreeing expressions.

That did it. It started with a shudder, then he was trembling, eyes wet, entire body tensed to either lash out or run.

“John?” She repeated, “we are here for you, you can tell us anything.”

No, he couldn’t. Not without outing himself and losing the best family and home he’d ever had. He shook his head, looking down at their interlocked hands. He couldn’t lose that, not in this way. If he was going to be fired, it was going to be for something he could control, something with honor attached.

Ronan grunted; it was one of his encouraging grunts.

Teyla pressed, “Please, we cannot help you if we do not know what you need…”

Again, he shook his head, again she pressed.

It went on like that until, finally, Rodney shouted, “For God's sake! Out with it! What are we going to do, crucify you?”

“You might,” he muttered, and then he was laughing. The whole room recoiled in shock, surprised at the thick, agonized bellows escaping John’s throat. He cackled, giggled, hollered, and boomed until his voice couldn’t take it, until he was crying, muttering, “I can’t, I can’t…God, I want to but I can’t.”

“John, please” Teyla tried.

“No, No…” he giggled, giddy with how fucked he was. Of course he was in love with a fucking Wraith. They’d never understand that.

“Whatever it is, I’m sure its fine,” Rodney added awkwardly, “nothing a bit of uh…talking can’t help…”

If only. If only he wasn’t in love with Todd. “No, no, because I’m in love with a fucking Wraith! A boy Wraith too!” He grinned wildly, “Isn’t that funny? Ha! Hilar…i…ous…oh fuck.”

The world slowed down, his boastful yell dwindling off into nothing as he realized what he’d just said out loud.

No one moved, no one breathed. It was so quiet that John could hear cool air filtering into the room. Then Rodney, quick as anything, leaped up and said with a protectiveness John had never heard from him before, “Teyla, Ronan, get out.”

“Rodney!”

“Out! Out, out!” He pulled them up, shooed them towards the door with his hands, “this is Earth people time now.”

John’s door closed behind them, leaving him alone with Rodney. And my god, Rodney knew.

“I-I like women!” He leaped up, “I love women! I had a wife, I-“

He took back wanting Rodney to be the first one he told, the scientist didn’t understand how to interact with his own men, let alone handle the delicacies of this conversation. Whatever he could offer, whatever he thought, John couldn’t imagine it going any other way but a break in their friendship. And he needed that friendship, Rodney was his best friend.

Then Rodney hugged him and, the wind rushed out of John’s lungs.

“I knew it,” the scientist started, “Ronan thought it was just women but, I knew it.” He hugged John tighter.

“W-What…”

“We had a bet, all three of us. I claimed both, Teyla was certain it was just men uh- she had a friend, and Ronan didn’t think much about it so he took women by default- oh my god that’s not the point!” He pulled back scowling, “Damit, Damit I am really not good at this.”

John just stared at him, arms hanging at his sides.

“What I meant to say.” Rodney reigned his face in, suddenly getting serious, “or what I meant to ask-“ he bunched his fists up, began pacing, “is how long have you known?”

John blinked, “U-Uh…since I was ten…”

“Ten…ten? And you joined the Military? The American Military?”

John nodded stiffly.

“Jesus Christ that is a bad move- Damit!” He stopped pacing, faced John then hugged him again, “Listen, I’m trying my best here. No one’s ever- I mean, well I’ve met people before but- oh boy.” He pulled back, and ran his hands through his hair, down his face, meeting John’s eyes but only barely. “Look.” He finally settled on, “What do you need from me?”

What do you need from me? No one had ever asked him that before; especially not about this.

What did he need? John had no idea. Maybe to not have been born…

Instead, he found himself hugging his friend, yanking Rodney ever closer and holding him there with all his strength.

“Okay…” Rodney hugged back, rubbing his back awkwardly, “Okay…”

~

It was a long while before the Colonel pulled back. He sat on the bed and Rodney followed suit. The two existed in silence for a little while longer before John felt he could speak. Even then, it was a whisper. “You don’t know what my dad was like…” he fingered the dent in his skull absently, “And mom died when I was a kid…I had a stepmom and uh…she did her best but…well he divorced her when I was sixteen…for defending me…” his hand trembled. “I had to get out…mom loved planes and I wanted to be…I don’t know…I liked flying our sail planes – rich family…utilities…the Air Force got me away from him, I couldn’t run the fucking business if I was in some remote corner of the planet…”

It was more than he’d ever said about himself to another person, and it left him feeling so raw that he could bleed through his skin.

Rodney only nodded, considering his response for a little. When he spoke, it was tender, brotherly. “You know I don’t care, right?” he touched the Canada patch on his jacket, “We don’t care much in the area I’m from.”

John shuddered; barely holding back tears.

“But more than that…we’re your team, your friends. And you know I’m not good at feelings either but…well, I- we care about you. Ronan and Teyla won’t mind.”

He took a deep, shuddering breath and drew Todd’s coat around himself, inhaling the smell of strange leather. “And Woolsey?”

Rodney's lips curled into a smile, “Woolsey…Teyla says she caught him with one of the soldiers, male, a year back.”

“What?”

“I know right? Who would have thought that man would…well, you get it.”

John just nodded. His mind was going a lightyear a second trying to keep up with all this new information. Rodney didn’t care, neither did Teyla or Ronan and Woolsey…fuck.

Had he been worrying all this time…just for this?

“Of course…he is Wraith, but…he’s also Todd,” Rodney continued, oblivious to John’s plight, “I can see where you’re coming from on that one. Wraith are kind of hot if you squint.” He turned bright red at John’s look. “T-The girl ones I mean! I-I’m not- At least I don’t think-“

“Slow down,” John chuckled, relief filled him, flushing out all the fear and panic that had ruled him only moments before.

“Right, right.” Rodney sighed, getting himself together again before asking, “And you’ve buried that all this time, your whole life?”

“My whole life…” he bit his lip.

“Lousy way to live…” Rodney’s gaze slid around; he bunched the fabric of his pants.

“Tell me about it…”

Again, Rodney sighed, this time it was contemplative…almost meditative. He was searching for something, the right combination of words. Eventually, he seemed to find it because a smile flicked across his face, wry and knowing. “This is the Lost City of Atlantis, John, if we can deal with life-sucking aliens, the Ancients and the Replicators, we can deal with this.” He met John’s eyes, “I promise…”

John smiled, soft and simple, his heart rate finally coming down.

They didn’t speak for a while, content to sit in silence with each other.

Ultimately, John was the one who rose, ready to face the wider part of his world. “I should probably let them in.”

“If you want to,” Rodney encouraged and, John was thankful for the out.

He ran a hand through his hair, rubbed his five o’clock shadow, and the door opened.

~

“I don’t know how it happened…it just did,” he explained to his team, feeling more than a little at home among their encouraging faces.

Teyla had been quick to embrace him as well, telling him she knew little about Earth traditions, but as she understood the situation, (Rodney had explained a while ago) John had nothing to fear from her. Athosians, it turned out, didn’t care about gender or sexuality that much.

Ronan said something similar. When John asked if he hated him for loving a Wraith, Ronan had got very serious. It was clear the Satedan had some conflicting forces waring in his head but, he’d ultimately shook his head, folded his arms, and muttered, “I trust you.”

Amazing. John made a mental note to talk to him after his whole mess was over and seriously explain himself. He’d assure his friend that he would never pressure him into liking it, or Todd. He understood that would be a friendship-ending betrayal. Besides, John only liked Todd, the rest of the Wraith population was as good as dead to him like it’d always been.

So now John sat, explaining the rest of the story. All the near kisses, the forlorn expressions, the touching. The true mind meld, the names…The Kiss…and how desperate he was to get Todd back. It wasn’t easy, he wanted to run a million and one times but, he didn’t. He stayed and had one of the most freeing conversations of his life with the people he loved most by his side.

“And it was…everything I ever wanted…” his cheeks burned a little, “But I couldn’t take it…not then…I-I was so afraid to lose this job…lose you guys…”

Teyla rubbed his back – now he was aware of her, “We will get him back, John. If he is that important to you.”

“We have to…I-I can’t spend the rest of my life wondering what if…” his hand closed around her free hand.

“We’ll get him back,” Ronan offered, sliding off the table to stand, arms crossed in determination.

John sniffled, wiping his tear-streaked cheek, rubbing his eyes, “Yeah…yeah…”

“Not to be pessimistic, but, how?” Rodney asked, “I don’t think “I love him” is a good argument for a deliberate rescue mission.”

“It’s not,” John shook his head, “I knew it wouldn’t be.” He cleared his throat, rubbing his temples. “I thought a meeting with Mirage might do it but…”

“They are still meeting,” Teyla jumped in, “there is a chance she may convince him yet.”

He nodded stiffly, “I was gonna…hijack a jumper and go do it myself, if it didn’t work out…but I would never ask any of you to come along for that,” his eyes darted to the trash can.

Rodney only had to give it a glance to understand. “Are you kidding?” he chuckled, “we wouldn’t let you go alone,”

John’s stomach turned, “You could be fired,”

“Please, Woolsey can’t fire me, there’s no one smart enough on this base to take my place.”

John’s lips turned up.

“It is…risky,” Teyla said, “but, if you believe it is the right thing, then I believe we should do it.”

“Really?”

“I will always have my home here, John. Ronon and I both, and I would not rest easy knowing I had not helped you after all the kindness you have shown us.”

His eyes burned, he whipped them viciously, “really?”

“Really,” Ronon smiled at him, “what are they going to do? Make us leave?” his expression said “I’d like to see them try,”

“We’ve got this,” Rodney added, smiling at him, a genuine thing.

His ears burned with embarrassment, and he found himself closing the coat tighter around his body. “God…I don’t know what to say…”

“You would do the same for us,” the rest of them nodded at Teyla’s statement.

“You have done the same for us,” Ronon added. The pair seemed to share a memory of coming to get him on Sateda.

Still, John wasn’t entirely convinced, “But you could-“

“We will do our best to convince Mr. Woolsey to work with Mirage and Astra, if he does not reach an agreement, we will meet you in the jumper bay tonight,” she smiled at him. “In the meantime, you need rest and a meal.”

“Mess hall takeout, anyone?” Rodney chuckled.

John wanted to argue, he wanted to order them to stay on base, or to get out of his room. He wanted to push them as far away from this whole mess as possible. However, he knew they’d never back down, not his team, his friends. In the end, he only pulled his coat around his body ever tighter and mumbled, “I could use something to eat…and a shower,”

“A change of clothes,” Ronan chimed in, scowling at the coat.

He flushed, “Heh…”

 

Notes:

Originally I was going to put Todd's POV in but, I decided that John confessing he likes Todd and getting support for it deserved its own chapter. I hope you liked it! I know it's a little too perfect but, I think he needs a break and I honestly don't think any of the main group would care if he liked men or not. Rest assured, everyone's feelings about Todd being Wraith will be explored, later :)

As always, thank you for leaving kudos and comments! It's beyond encouraging.

Chapter 16: Figments

Summary:

Todd and John have converstions with who they'd least expect.

John is making progress, Todd hasn't quite gotten the point yet.

John

 

“Are you gonna eat that?” Rodney asked around his fork, pointing with his knife to Ronon’s chocolate cupcake.

Ronon snorted and slid his tray over to the scientist while sharing a look with Teyla.

John thought he might feel a bit weird sitting on the floor of his room, surrounded by takeout boxes and his friends, but he didn’t. He’d worried, in the shower, that his confession would make things awkward between them, but everyone acted normal.

It’d taken him a little to get up the courage to speak, but once he started, everything fell into place.

“Wait wait wait, you can’t seriously be suggesting-“ he asked Rodney excitedly, his stomach whirling at the scientist's invigorated look.

“Not suggesting,” Rodney smirked, “It’s being tested as we speak.”

“What are you two talking about?” Ronon asked.

Rodney waved his hand dismissively but John clarified, “Rodney’s been trying to figure out ways to make the jumpers more efficient.”

“This planet has some strange seismic activity we’ve been wanting to check out, but the jumpers haven’t been capable-“

“And now they are,” John grinned, “which means we can finally look at those volcanoes too-“

“Thermal vents, and of course you’d be interested in the volatile bomb.”

John shrugged innocently, “It’s a power source,”

“Mmm right.”

Teyla chuckled and pushed her tray away from her, “I am going to check up on the meeting. Perhaps I can offer Woolsey some insight.”

“I should join you-“ John tried to stand but she put her hand on his shoulder.

“I do not think that would be wise.”

He opened his mouth to protest but she shot him a look that had him sitting back down.

“Don’t worry,” Ronon clapped his back and he nearly fell over from the force of it, “we’ll handle it.”

“I just think I should be there…”

“You should be resting,” Teyla smiled at him, “you may need to be ready to leave at a moment’s notice, especially if we are to leave under the cover of darkness tonight.”

“Nothing would make me not able to leave.”

“John,” she said patiently, “your presence would only inflame him.”

She was right, he knew she was right. That didn’t stop him from wanting to fight for it. “It's just that…sitting back isn’t exactly my style. It’s fucking killing me that I’m not already out there.”

“I get it.” Ronon settled his hand on John’s shoulder for only a brief moment, but John got the idea.

“Please, we all get that.” Rodney chimed in. “When I was stuck in that jumper, sinking to the bottom of the ocean, all I could think about was how underqualified everyone was to help.”

“Sateda.” Ronon added, referring to his determination to fight that Wraith who made him a runner on his own.

“And,” Teyla settled John’s hand on her now empty torso, “How protective of me you were when I was pregnant.”

His cheeks burned at that one especially. “I knew that would come back to bite me in the ass again.”

She smiled warmly.

~

He found himself running with Ronon at his heels. It was surprisingly easy to fall into the old motion of trying to beat his ass at something. Memories of their hundreds of painful sparring sessions pushed him on to be faster, quicker on his feet. The Satedan might have been bigger, but John was always faster. It felt good to run without someone threatening to kill him, too.

In time they burst out onto a balcony and reared to a stop, Ronon tackling his friend and sending them both crashing to the ground.

John was laughing before he knew it, and Ronon was grinning. By the time the noise died down, both had collapsed to lay next to each other on the ground, staring up at the sky.

It was still day, probably about two o’clock Atlantis time, and the sun was warm and high in the sky. The twin moons were nowhere to be seen. Still, John found himself looking out past the atmosphere like he was trying to see where Todd was.

Ronon noticed. He grunted and sat up, “have you always liked him?” his tone was bitter, though John didn’t take offense.

He groaned and sat up too, “I think so, though I didn’t let myself admit it until a few days ago.”

The Satedan sighed, he turned his attention to the ground.

“Hey,” John reached out and clasped his shoulder, “You know I would never expect you to-“

“I know,” he glanced over at John, “It’s just a lot.”

“Yeah…” John’s hand fell away, “I know it is, and I’m sorry.”

Ronon contemplated that, his gaze fixed on the designs that decorated Lantian door frames. John wanted to say something comforting, but he didn’t know what. That kind of emotional work had never been his forte. It was probably a miracle that he’d been able to express his emotions to his team without running away like he wanted to now.

What could possibly make Ronon feel better about his friend being in love with a Wraith? Answer; nothing.

To John’s relief, Ronon hulled him up and held out his hand for his friend. “I’ll race you to the next balcony.”

He hesitated but took it when he saw no anger in the Satedan’s eyes.

Ronon’s lips twitched up, then he was yanking John up, around, and sending him sliding across the balcony to hit the railing with a ‘thud.’

“Hey!” John called, scrambling to his feet as fast as he could; Ronon had already passed through the doors and into the next hall.

“Asshole!”

Something warm spread through John’s body; he pushed off the wall to catch up.

~

“Any news?” John asked Teyla. She’d traded places with Ronon and came to meet John on a balcony overlooking the ocean.

“They are still negotiating,” she sighed and sat down next to him on the ledge, “But I am hopeful. Rodney was able to demonstrate to Mr. Woolsey what a technological asset they would be.”

“Any progress about Todd?”

She pursed her lips, “Mr. Woolsey is still concerned about the resources it would take to find him.”

John grit his teeth, “It keeps coming back to that…”

Teyla frowned, she scooted closer to him and took his hand in hers, “You are unable to reach him?”

“Ever since he started blocking me, yeah.” He couldn’t help but chuckle, “I’m no match mentally, he’s been doing it for ten thousand years.”

She hummed, squeezing his hand, “Perhaps…we could try together?”

He shook his head, “Trust me, Astra and Mirage and I have tried that. It’s the distance, I think, it makes finding and establishing harder even if the other person wants you in. And he really doesn’t…”

“But they have not seen him in several centuries. Based on what you told me, that matters in finding a mind. You must allow me to try.”

He was shaking his head, not believing it really. “Could you even…because you’ve never…with him before.”

“No, but I have felt the presence of his mind against mine.” She grimaced in remembrance. “It is most strong, I would know it even at this distance. With your help to search, I could try.”

He looked at her, not quite sure what to say. On one hand, John was immensely grateful for the offer. On the other, he knew how taxing it could be for her, and he knew the turmoil that usually resulted when they made contact, no matter how brief. Then there was the matter of her hating Wraith…

“I can feel your turmoil,” she admitted, pushing a strand of his hair back into place before leaning forward to rest her forehead against his. “This is something I want to do, John. After all you have done for me it is the least I can do.”

He closed his eyes against the feeling of being close to her. Cinnamon and honey filled his senses, and her warmth seemed to spread over his whole body. In the end, it was all he could do to agree.

They sat on the floor, eyes closed and holding hands. The press of Teyla’s mind against his was faint, but that John could feel it at all was…he didn’t have a word for it. He’d never been able to feel it before, maybe because he didn’t know how? Maybe it was because those pathways hadn’t been open pre-Todd. Could he do this with all other Wraith? and Athosians with Wraith DNA? Or was Teyla special because of their friendship?

“You are thinking too much,” she chided, “Focus inward, on my mind.”

Right…focus, focus on getting Todd back so he could actually ask the Wraith all these questions instead of just pondering them.

With his mind, he reached out to hears. It was clumsy; like feeling around a room in pitch dark, unsure of where you stood. It was her that met him then, and like a light, he centered into the sharing that had become so familiar these past couple of weeks. It wasn’t exactly the rush of emotion and feeling that he got with Todd, but when they joined, John experienced a warmth that was undeniably a connection.

Teyla smiled to herself, then giggled, holding John’s hands tighter, “Kanan and I have done this before, it is…”

“Exhilarating.” he finished, unable to stop his own grin.

‘Yes.’ It was her mind voice; smooth and in control, sounding like everything that was, is, and would be Teyla.

They settled into the feeling, passing the lightest of thoughts back and forth until each was satisfied the connection would hold. Then, John turned his attention outward to the void.

Searching for a faraway mind wasn’t simple, or easy. The best method John knew was to project his own mind out into what he was calling “head space” while thinking of the specific mind he wanted to contact. That part was the easiest because John only knew one mind well. The hard part was that Todd had put up a solid wall of naquadah that John didn’t know how to penetrate. It made finding the signature next to impossible.

Or, it usually did. John’s whole body shuddered when he finally felt the familiar press of Todd’s mind. Though it was still far out of reach, he could feel it. ‘That never happens so fast…’ maybe Teyla’s Wraith DNA…

Teyla grunted, her fingers closed even tighter around John’s, ‘It is like I know he is there…but…’

‘But you can’t see him.”

‘Yes…though that has never been a problem before.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Queens throw up walls as strong as this, but I never…’ she grunted again, ‘struggle this much to get through.’

‘Well, he’s had a lot of practice…probably against females judging on what I’ve seen of him.’

Teyla sighed, ‘Perhaps…there is definitely something odd about him-oh!’ She gasped, John felt her body tremor and he opened his eyes to see her face screwed up into shock.

“What-What is it?”

She shook her head, grimacing, “just a different feeling, a push back I have not ever felt before…”

“Tell me about it.” John grumbled. He tried to send his own mental claws in again but they bounced back, resulting in the same shudder.

‘We must break.’ that was all the warning Teyla gave before her mind slipped from his.

For a moment, he was tumbling through the darkness. Then, with a jolt of his stomach, light flooded his eyes and Atlantis snapped into view in the background. In the foreground, a concerned Teyla.

“Ugh, don’t do that.”

“I am sorry, it became too much.”

“For you? You defeat Queens-“

She shook her head, “I was able to…make a little contact…there is a great turmoil there that…” she frowned, “It is hard to describe.”

“But you made contact-“

“Only for a moment, and in that moment I saw exactly how much he did not want me there.”

“Well tough shit, I’m getting in.”

“Yes,” she agreed, and in her eyes, he saw the determination of a Wraith Queen. “We are.”

 

 

Todd

 

“You can feel him, can’t you?” the figment of Acastus Koyla asked from where he sat on the other side of the cell.

Todd didn’t answer, partly because he didn’t want to and partly because he was using every ounce of concentration had to keep them both out. Yes, Sheppard and his friend Teyla Emagan; the human with Wraith DNA. It was only because of her, Todd was sure, that he had to fight so hard. No matter how strong a connection he and Sheppard had, and no matter his talent for blocking Queens, he was still human. His skills would always pale in comparison to Wraith and their kin. The Athosian was persistent, and as strong as any Queen, albeit untrained. It was only because Todd had spent millennia guarding against Wraith, particularly Queens, that he did not bend to her will to enter.

Sort of, he had lost focus for a split second earlier and she had glimpsed him. Luckily, what she found had been enough to force her out in the shock of it all. Unfortunately, that brief window was making it harder on his end to keep her and Sheppard out.

“How long do you think you can keep it up?” the figment drawled, “can you really withstand both of them?”

“As long as I must.” He ground out, screwing his eyes shut. As long as it took to devise a plan to be free.

“Oookay.”

‘Why must he be here?’ Todd asked himself for what felt like the millionth time.

Once more, his thoughts were interrupted by the faint call of Sheppard’s mind voice begging Todd to ‘Let him in, let him help’ it broke Todd’s heart to have to refuse it, he couldn’t let the human get hurt over something that was the Wraith’s fault entirely. He couldn’t let Sheppard risk the location of Atlantis over him.

“Ah, Atlantis,” the figment purred. Todd heard rustling, but he didn’t dare look up. “I remember that place, It caused you and I a lot of trouble, I recall.”

“It caused you trouble, it caused me to break free.”

“Right…yes, you were so clever, what happened?”

“What?” Todd growled.

“What? What? Look around you, you’re trapped again! Does that scream “smart” to you?”

“I have not been here the entire time.” His walls wavered, and he snarled from the effort to keep them up. It was like lifting a Hive ship all by himself; one tremor and it’d all come crashing down.

Acastus was not helping.

“Then again, I think you always overestimated yourself,” the figments voice was closer now, a shiver ran over Todd’s skin. “You may have tricked me, but think of all you had to do to get there, all you had to sacrifice.”

“Not listening.” Todd snapped, closing his hands over his ears.

It didn’t do any good, the figment was in his mind, “I think you couldn’t come up with a plan if you tried, why else haven’t you broken out of here yet? Why else would you have to seduce me to-“

“Not listening!” he screeched, leaping up and sailing across the short space that separated them, his feeding hand out. It made contact with his chest; Todd’s other hand seized his bicep before ramming the figment up against the wall. He bared his teeth and let a snarl rip from his throat. His mental hold wavered.  

The figment only laughed it’s haunting laugh, one Todd had heard so many times while being tortured, or raped, or made a fool of. “God, angry as ever,” it chortled.

“I am angry,” the Wraith growled, bending close, desperate to create an effect, “Because you will not leave me alone!” He wanted to pretend he just meant here and now, but the real Acastus was dead, so this figment was the only one around to be angry at for invading his dreams.

The figment said nothing, but his eyes burned with delight, and when he glanced down to admire the Wraith's hands on him, Todd all at once felt human flesh or could have sworn he felt it. He should have gone right through. Shouldn’t he have? Unless…

“Are you…real?” he whispered, eyes wide with terror His hands flexed and found the solidness of a body…the warmth of human skin, even the absence of it where his severed finger used to be. Then he plunged his hand inward as the instinct to protect himself took over his broken mind. His hand-mouth flared to life, he snarled in hunger and then-

Nothing.

The solidness and warmth faded, his hands squeezed nothing, and he slapped against the stone. The sound of laughter filled the air.

Todd whirled around and saw the figment with its hands up. A sick smile spread across its laughing face. “It’s your mind, remember?”

Todd snarled once more, though he could not hide the way his hands trembled at something that wasn’t even there.

The figment opened its mouth to speak, but Todd’s attention was ripped away by the sound of heeled feet.

Unconsciously, he looked to the figment for comfort, but it shook its head and backed against the wall, still wearing that smile.

The Queen came into view, trailing long, emerald skirts behind her. She exuded confidence and command from the way she walked to the way her mouth set. A pang shot through his heart at the sight of her, and he had to remind himself once more that they were no longer what they had been.

Still, he could almost see the imprints of his hands on her bare arms, and imagine the feel of her…her lips…her own touch, her…

He shook his head, chasing out the memories. They were useless; she wanted him dead. And after what she’d done days before…he should not feel these things anymore, not after she forced The Gift upon him.

Perhaps he was used to being violated, perhaps another thing was wrong with him.

“Hello Starlight,” she snarled from the other side of the bars.

He said nothing, not trusting his tongue.

“I am told you refuse to give in.” she waved her hand and the cell doors opened. He considered running, but they closed before he could make up his mind. “I thought you were smarter than that.”

He couldn’t resist saying, “They don’t beat me hard enough to give you a second glance.”

She hissed, her hand snapping out to hit him. He let her; he was smart enough not to start a physical fight he couldn’t win.

“Why will you not give it to me?’ she demanded, shaking out her hand and then snapping it out once more, hard enough to turn his head. “They are humans.”

“That old argument?” he chortled, wiping a little blood from the corner of his mouth. “You can do better.”

“But they are, they mean nothing-“

“They mean everything.” he hissed, flinching away from her raised feeding palm. Panic raised in him and he swallowed it down like he had so many times before. “The Lantians are my life, you know that…” why else would he have stayed in Pegasus if not to meet them again?

Her lips pulled back in a snarl, her eyes searched his for a lie. His gaze didn’t waver, he prayed she could feel the sincerity in it.

Her face twisted into rage, her hand flew out, and he almost believed she would drain him, but it stopped just hairs away from his chest, and she roared.

He just stood there, still as a corpse, willing the terror not to show on his face.

The next thing he knew he was slammed against the wall, the Hive coming around to capture his arms and legs once again. His resistance was met with constriction, and no matter how hard he squirmed he could not free himself.

“I am running out of patience!” she seized him by the tattered remains of his shirt. Her force ripped the fabric away completely and she was left holding handfuls of black which she threw to the ground in anger. “I have searched for you for centuries! I won’t be denied-“

“You have no right to me.” He hissed, chest heaving. He glared at her through silted eyes. his gaze didn’t break even she hit him, and then again, then again. Her fists this time, it felt like it always did to be punched, but he feared that she would try and feed again, so it was worse.

In time, she grew tired. She hit him one last time, letting her nails cut his cheek, before grabbing his jaw and bending down so close to his face that he could feel her breath on his cheek. “I will give you one last chance to think.” Her voice was tightly controlled. “If you refuse me once more, I will kill you, and when I find your precious city and I will send your body as a warning.”

He clicked his teeth together, exhaling through his nose in an effort not to scream. “You would not kill me.”

“Would I?” she snarled. “I am not the youngling you remember.”

He gulped, Adam’s apple jumping sharply. Her scent was of many things; anger, rage, grief…

He understood why she was doing all this, and if he really looked inside, he didn’t blame her all that much.

But that didn’t matter because he didn’t spend ten-thousand years waiting for the return of the Lantians just to die once they showed up. Whether he deserved to live or not was irrelevant.

And here she stood, despite it all. Like any good Queen, she believed her wants and needs surpassed the wants and needs of anyone else. Damn the bigger picture. His lips quirked up at that realization; she’d grown from a timid, shy Wraithing to a contender in the race to conquer the universe. “No,” he answered shakily. “You are much, much more.”

For a moment, an old softness painted her face. Her hand relaxed, her fingers traced down his cheek to his lips..

 It was gone in an instant, replaced with a cruel scowl and the proclamation that he had one more chance. This time, he believed her.

~

“Clocks ticking.” Acastus said, sitting next to the Wraith, then moving closer when Todd shifted away. “What are you going to do?”

“I…” he bit his lip. “I have no idea.” He wished he did, he didn’t want to die here despite the universe's determination to see it happen.

The figment huffed, crossing his arms over his chest.

The movement made Todd flinch, then curse at himself for flinching. 

‘Good gods.’ He knocked his head against the wall and closed his eyes to the world, looking inward instead. Sheppard and Teyla were fainter now as if they had backed off; it brought desperately needed relief.

Like it or not, the figment had a point, what was he doing just sitting here? That wasn’t like him. Even at his lowest point since Acastus’s cage, he had always been working towards a way out, or at least a way to end the pain.

Lately, it had been harder to hold to that determination, like in the last cell with Sheppard. There, like here, the thing that Acastus had left on him, the stain on his soul…it grew to encompass more of him. A poison hopelessness, and panic. ‘Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.’ If the human mind doctor was to be trusted.

‘Worshiper behavior.’ If you were a Wraith.

But naming it had no effect on how it affected him.

If Sheppard were here he would tell the Wraith to ‘get up and figure it out.’ He wouldn’t take no for an answer and he wouldn’t accept defeat. Was there a way off this Hive, he asked himself, without giving up the location?

“Not likely.” Acastus drawled. “Unless you plan to fight your way out, which is, uh, next to impossible.”

“Who asked you?” Todd rubbed his cheeks in frustration. For all his blocking, he did wish Sheppard was here to encourage him. The male had an almost frightening conviction about him, especially when it came to living. He’d think of a plan when Todd couldn’t.

The thought of it made him smile.

If he were here it would all be easier like in had in the last cage. When he had slipped, Sheppard had caught him, returned him to his natural self. The one who stole ZPMs and sought to build a clone army to protect his Hive. The one who clouded with Lantians – old and new. The one who had escaped the inescapable many times over.

That was the Wraith he wanted Sheppard to know. It had nearly killed him to open up about even a few of the horrors of his past.

Then, Sheppard had had horrors too…

Would he understand if he had the whole story? There was much more to tell, much that rested heavily on him.

Pathetic.

He wrapped his arms around himself and tucked his head down in shame. Why wasn’t he over it already? It had been nearly a year.

He wished Sheppard was here.

“I can be here with you.” Someone, not Acastus, said and it nearly knocked the wind out of Todd.

The Wraith didn’t look up at first, not because he didn’t hear Sheppard’s voice, but because he didn’t believe he heard it.

“I’m only a thought away.”

His lips twitched up. It sure sounded like Sheppard. The warmth Todd always felt around the Colonel flooded him. It acted like a balm, relieving the tensest parts of himself. Never mind that his brain had probably cracked down the middle if he was hearing his almost lover's voice here.

Wait.

He looked up cautiously, nearly gasping when he confirmed it was Sheppard or at least something that looked like him. The figure had the same piercing green eyes, the same adorably messy brown hair, the same confidence, the same smug but heart-stopping grin. The look of it caused his stomach to swarm the way it always did…

But it couldn’t be Sheppard. It had to be another, albeit kinder, figment.

He pressed his cheek against Sheppard’s outreached hand and went right through.

“You are not real.” He said, voice laced with disappointment, and climbed to his feet.

“Not in the traditional sense,” Sheppard said gently, his signature boyish grin lighting up the room.

He ignored it. “Then you are not real.” He glanced at the figment of Acastus who was glaring.

“Don’t look at him.” Sheppard reached out. “Look at me.”

Todd flinched involuntarily, but he did do as asked.

Sheppard sighed. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and took a few merciful steps back. “This is quite a mess you’ve gotten us into, ya know.”

Us? No.

“There is no us,” Todd practically snarled. “The real Sheppard is safe on Atlantis.”

“The real Sheppard is, and you know this, going crazy with worry.”

Again, he flinched, this time because of Sheppard’s intense stare. “He is still safe.” He couldn’t keep the waiver from his voice.

“But you aren’t. In fact, you’re about to be a whole lot dead, right?”

“Right,” Acastus chimed in.

“Did I ask you?” Sheppard growled in Acastus’s direction. Then, “God, Todd, you need to do some mental spring cleaning because it’s gross in here.”

Todd found himself chuckling. For a moment, a flicker of pure joy filled the space and things felt a little less dark.

Until he remembered that he was hallucinating two men, and those two men were fighting.

“No, no, don’t think like that.” Sheppard was at once in front of him, as if he’d teleported. He looked up at Todd with shining eyes and an encouraging look.

“But he’s right, isn’t he?” Acastus asked, coming into view behind Sheppard. “He’s hallucinating, he’s insane.”

“Are you not supposed to be encouraging me to break out of here?” Todd challenged even though he knew it was never about that. Any imagination of Acastus was never going to be any help; unless that help was in sewing self-doubt. As if Todd couldn’t do that on his own, as if this whole mess wasn’t because he couldn’t pull himself together for long enough to think things through.

Not with Sheppard, not with Lewy, not even with himself.

Double pathetic.

Acastus shrugged. “I know a lost cause when I see one.”

So he was right, triple pathetic.

Sheppard scowled. “Was he always like this?”

Todd’s eye twitched. He brushed through both figments and escaped to the other end of the cell.

Sheppard followed after a brief back and forth with Acastus which made Todd’s head hurt. “Todd-“

“I am already taxed from keeping the real Sheppard and his human friend out.” He snapped at the figment. “I do not need false hope.” Or the likeness of the love of his life to intensify his guilt.

“That’s the point, buddy.” Sheppard shot back. “Let them in.”

He bristled. “absolutely not.”

“Why?”

“There are other ways out without putting him in danger.” Right? Right. There had to be something…something he hadn’t thought of. Or couldn’t think of. He hoped it was a good enough excuse; it wasn’t.

“That’s never stopped you before, has it?” Sheppard accused, appearing closer to Todd, a frown on his face.

“Those times were different-“

“How?”

He growled, pressing his lips together in refusal.

“How are they different, Todd? From asking for help with the replicators to calling on him when you were captured and brought to the cloning facility, how would this be any different at all?”

Todd ignored him mostly because he didn’t have an answer; at least not one he could say out loud.

When there was silence, the figment of Sheppard groaned. “God, Todd.” He walked to the other side of the cell, then back again, all the while muttering. Todd felt worse and worse with every step – more guilty.

“I can think of something.” He said desperately but the figment ignored him, as did the one of Acastus. “I am Wraith, I can deal with other Wraith without-“

“Then do it soon.” Sheppard interrupted, stopping in front of Todd, his look pure disappointment. “Because Kolya’s right about one thing. The clocks ticking. Pretty soon they’ll be back and at that point…” his look conveyed the rest of it clear as day.

“I know,” Todd answered back, looking at both of their impatient faces. “I know and I am working on it.”

“Dio.” Acastus grumbled “My God.”

Sheppard wasn’t much better. Todd had to turn away from them to even begin to think about anything else; the guilt was just too much to bear.

But he couldn’t follow either of them, he had to do this on his own.

‘Pull yourself together.’ He told himself. ‘Get out of here alive.’

 

 

John

 

They broke because both were too exhausted to fight anymore. John hadn’t wanted to, but Teyla insisted they get some food and rest and try again. She said she was determined and John believed her, even if he wished she was a bit more hurried in the determination.

They only had a few hours left, after all, and John really preferred to have Woolsey’s help on this one if he could help it.  

Still, they got a meal together which John barely picked at; all thoughts consumed by worry. Eventually, Teyla stopped trying to get him to finish everything. She’d told him she needed to check on Torren, and then she’d be back to try again (and if he could please finish that sandwich, it would do him good).

Food just wasn’t working, so John decided to use the time he had to go on a solo run. That usually worked to clear his head, and he really needed to clear his head.

He started at the center, near the mess hall, and kicked off in the direction of the dart bay. He went slowly at first, letting himself feel every slap of his feet on the ground reverberate through his whole body. To run with his attention on the ground was to almost run with the city herself. Atlantis and the Colonel breathed in tandem on these runs, and each step was a sentence in a conversation only they knew.

Being alone with the city was like watching Mirage take her first steps into it; there existed an overwhelming sense of home.

But he couldn’t keep it up forever, and eventually, John fell into his normal pace, and his mind drifted away from Atlantis and onto the path ahead. A different kind of conversation, this time between his body and his mind.

His thoughts never actually cleared, just focused. When he was having a problem on base back home, or in leading Atlantis here, John used running to find the solution. His feet pounded up the metal of a staircase, shaking its supports. He let his mind wander between breaths, and it fell on the recent past of it’s own accord.

The recent past being their night in the tree – their night being the moment their lips had met for the first time.

It had been strange to kiss a Wraith. Todd’s lips were not as soft as a human's, his mouth not as warm, but it had been a sensation that had felt right somehow. John ran down the stairs and took a left toward a long stretch of balcony. It had been, actually, a lot nicer than kissing a human. Was that because Todd was Wraith? Or was it because the passion in the kiss had been more palpable than any kiss he’d ever had before? John’s cheeks turned pink, and he was happy he was running while he thought about this.

He broke out into the sun, delighting in its warmth. The places he had been recently were so cold. Atlantis, she was always the perfect temperature.

No, it hadn’t been cold all the time; when Todd had kissed him, all he had known was the warmth of a million suns.

“May I kiss you, Sheppard?” Todd’s delicious voice sounded in his head, drawing an even darker color up his neck.

It had been so kind, so unlike what John thought Wraith could be like. Asking for permission for a kiss…

He imagined what it might be like to be asked like that again. He imagined Todd, close, holding his hands, or perhaps above him on the softness of a bed. His face would be free of worry, his brilliant gold eyes shining with predatory hunger. His Long white hair would drape around them both, creating a curtain to block out the world. His lips would quirk, and his teeth would flash just for an instant. John saw so clearly the words form in his mouth, heard them echo through his head.

“May I kiss you?”

“Yes.”

And they would be one, something he craved so deeply it hurt.

And then he would be on top, hands splayed out on Todd's muscular chest. He'd only gotten a glimpse of it and the markings that decorated it, but he could imagine how they would ripple with even the slightest movement. Hairless, smooth green skin, cool against his warmth. He barely remembered what it was like to be with a man, but he could see himself with Todd as easily as breathing. 

He'd lean down and ghost his lips against Todd's cheek, just barely kissing him. Further, until he was close enough to whisper in his ear; "Can I kiss you?"

"So you do know how to ask permission after all?" A voice accused from in front.

John slammed to a halt just milliseconds before crashing into a whole lot of leather.

Not leather, not quite anyway.

John's face was all confusion when he looked up to meet the face of the very male he’d been fantasizing about.

Todd, or something that looked like Todd, stood there, arms folded across his broad chest, a frown on his face.

What the hell? John shook his head, trying to clear it. He even closed his eyes, but the figure was still there when he opened them.

Curious, John reached out to touch it. No luck, his hand went right through. The figment spread sharp teeth and drummed its fingers on its arms.

"Am I…hallucinating?" Oh god, maybe Teyla was right and he did really need to rest for real.

The figment shrugged. "If that is what you call it."

Oh fuck, it sounded just like Todd. It looked just like him too. Same big, unkempt hair, same slightly wild but no less intelligent eyes. Same brilliant face marking, same devilish grin, same multi-toned voice…

And when it reached out and hovered on hand above his cheek, John swore he felt something electric.

He pressed his face against the hand on instinct, even though he couldn't feel anything. He wanted so badly to feel something, anything. He wanted to be back on that forest floor, seconds away from seeing Todd naked. Instead, he was here, looking for affection from a figment of his imagination.

It looked like running had made him lose it instead of sharpening things out.

"Perhaps," Not-Todd said gently, dropping his hand. "Or perhaps this is the clarity you need?"

John wrinkled his nose and stepped back. "Not likely, Woolseys liable to put me on house arrest in the med-bay if he finds out I got my ideas from a hallucination."

Honestly, the only reason John wasn't super freaked out right now was because this kind of thing was a staple of being in Pegasus. Much to not-Todd's chargrin as he huffed when John picked up running again. 

Maybe he could outrun the insanity and focus on thinking about how to contact the real Todd.

Not-Todd fell into an easy pace beside him. "You could start with not forcing your way inside."

John shook his head and picked up the pace. 

"No? Do you not think you should listen to me about myself?"

"Except you're not you." He picked up the pace. "And honestly man, seeing you makes it worse that I don't have the real thing, so if you could fuck off and let me think."

"I am as close to me as you will get." He easily kept up.

"Maybe you are the real Todd, he talks a lot too."

Not-Todd chuckled. "As do you, Sheppard." He stepped in front of John and it was only on instinct that he slammed on the breaks again.

"Don't do that!"

"Then stop running." Not-Todd glowered. He took a step forward and John took a step back, then kicked himself for not just running through. Todd just looked so solid…

"For once in your life, stop running."

Wait, what?

He opened his mouth to defend himself, but all at once, something in his stomach lurched. He closed his eyes against the nausea and when he opened them, he and Todd were no longer on Atlantis.

 

They were back on Kolya’s planet – at least that’s what it seemed like. They stood on the bank of a small pond, the dirt soft under boots. Around them were tress, and above them was a deep black sky speckled with millions of stars. The light of the Stargate Illuminated Todd’s features. The Figment itself no longer looked as it did; it was closer to the creature which had fed upon John those years ago.

His hair was matted, his old coat tattered, telling of years of neglect. His eyes were as they had been – almost desperate, deeply afraid. Anger surged in John, and a memory of the alien’s story, how his kind had left him there.

No wonder he had been afraid, no wonder he’d hedged his bets on a half-dead human.

“Interesting you would come here.” Todd’s voice – Todd’s old voice – all raspy and tired, observed.

“Ya think so?” was all he could say. His eyes were glued to the memory, and how could he have not noticed just how rough Todd looked then?

“This is where it all began, is it not?” Todd took a step toward him. “This very moment must have been the moment he realized he could trust you.”

Pink warmed John’s cheeks.

“You wonder, now still, why you did it.” Todd reached out again, hovering a hand over John’s cheek. “Just as you wonder about your desperation. Surely no one has ever felt like this for a Wraith before?” he let his hand slip, and cool skin made contact with flushed skin.

John gasped, he pressed his cheek into the touch without wondering how he could feel it.

Todd chuckled, he bent his forehead in to meet John’s. “Though you know it is not true, and you are perhaps one of thousands.”

“Mirage,” he mumbled, nuzzling his head against the feel of Todd. It wasn’t the electricity that he felt when the real Todd touched him, but the spark was still there.

Again, Todd chuckled; this time like he knew something John didn’t. He pulled back but slid his hand down to lace his fingers with John’s and pull him even closer until they were chest to chest.

John closed his eyes; he was practically humming.

The ghost of a purr resonated – the memory of Todd’s sounds was enough to make John feel safe in a way he hadn’t for many days.

But it wasn’t real, and he couldn’t say here forever while the real Todd was still missing.

“How…” he gulped, “How do I help him?”

Cool lips brushed his forehead. “You know.”

“I don’t-“

“You do.” He joined their heads again, his other arm wrapped around John’s waist. “You know you cannot force your way in.”

“That doesn’t tell me much…”

“It tells you everything, Sheppard.”

John squeezed his eyes shut, pressed his whole body against Todd, and tried to absorb those words. All he found, though, was nothing. The sensation of being touched faded as quickly as it came. Try as he might, Todd’s ghostly touch became a phantom chill, and when he opened his eyes he found himself not on the planet, not on the balcony, but right in front of Teyla’s door.

But it was no matter because even as the grief of losing Todd’s presence stung, John was renewed; he was focused. It tells you everything.

It did, and they had been approaching this thing wrong; all of them. Maybe to get to Todd, he had to ask permission for a kiss.

 

 

 

Notes:

Originally this was supposed to be the second to last chapter in which they are actually reunites but it was going to be way too long if I did that. Good news is that the next chapter will be about that! The next (and final) two are actually going to be pretty long, so I might end up splitting them too (haha) but they would be released the same day.

Ofc thank you all for reading and for leaving Kudos and comments. As I get closer to the end of this fic, I become and more and more greatful for all the postive feed back. This fic has truely been a passion project for me and while I think it needs some major editing (and betaing) going on this adventure will all of you has been amazing. So thank you in advance.

Chapter 17: Breakthrough

Summary:

Todd makes some progress, John makes some more helpful progress. They're still separated, I feel like these two are two north pole sides of two very strong magnets at this point.

Notes:

Okay, I know I said the next two chapters would come out together, but this one took a lot longer to write than I thought it would. I'm getting ready to go back to college this week so I thought I'd better just post this one on its own because I'm not entirely sure when I'll get to the next one.

John

 

“I am not sure I understand…” Teyla said, bouncing Torren on her knee. John had spent the past few minutes explaining what he’d learned, and his new idea for getting Todd to open up. “Is that not what we have been doing all along?”

John shook his head, spinning on his heel to walk back from where he’d paced to the other side of the room. His mind was buzzing, or maybe his body. “Only kind of. We’re still going to try to contact him, just not so…aggressively.” He stopped in front of her, arms folded over his chest.

“And that will work?” she asked skeptically.

“Maybe, maybe not. But, what we’re doing here is useless, so it doesn’t hurt to try.”

“I just do not think…” she pressed her lips together, “If he is already refusing us, what would asking permission do?”

“Maybe nothing,” John repeated. “But I know I sure as hell hate it when Queen’s try to invade my mind…look, all I’m asking for is to try.” He needed Teyla’s help; without her, he didn’t have an anchor, and he couldn’t hold himself in the mind space for long.

She considered it for a moment, looking down at Torren’s smiling face as she did. “Alright,” she said at long last, looking up to give him a warm look. “If that is what you want.” She didn’t sound like she believed it would work. But she hadn’t been with Todd these past two weeks, she didn’t know him like John did. Granted, John only knew as much as the Wraith would let him, but he was fairly certain that the Todd would apricate the choice much more than the demand. And even if it didn’t work, something that made John sick to think about, his last interaction with Todd would be full of love.

That had to count for something, right?”

 

 

Todd

 

“That’s the worst escape idea you’ve ever had.” Acastus mocked after Todd finally thought of a way he might get out of the cell.

The Wraith crossed his arms defensibly. “It is the best one I have.”

Acastus raised an eyebrow. “Really? After I gave you such a good one?”

“Selling out Atlantis is not a good idea.” He hissed, “And neither is bringing Sheppard here.”

The figment of Sheppard made a noise of displeasure.

“It is not.” The Wraith insisted again, eyeing the figment.

“Even so.” Sheppard said reluctantly, “I’m going to…have to agree with Kolya on this. Escaping into the vaster Hive without being caught isn’t the smartest-“

“Then you are not very good at being Sheppard.” He told the figment.

He shrugged and readjusted himself so his arms crossed over his chest. The muscle there flexed under his soft skin in a uniquely human way. Todd looked away to stop himself from looking closer.

“So you know him that well then-“

“And you,” Todd interrupted Kolya, “Are perfect, so be silent.”

Todd didn’t need two figments who didn’t exist telling him that his only hope was stupid; he knew it was. Trying to escape on his own, from either the Queen or Lewy, without backup, was nigh impossible. Todd didn’t have time to think about it, though. He also didn’t have time to wonder about how he would make it to the Fighter Bay; he just would.

“Just like you escaped from me?” Acastus taunted. “Not the time with the Colonel; the many times you tried to on your own-“

“I said silent.” He said evenly, trying to keep his cool. “Your input is not necessary, nor is your presence but I believe I must be far too gone to control that.”

“You might hate my idea too but that doesn’t mean it wouldn’t work,” the figment of Sheppard tried again, ignoring Todd’s growl, “He could still get here in time if you stalled…”

His voice was soft, kind…Todd’s heart skipped a beat at the thought of the real Sheppard busting in here to rescue him…

After Sheppard had pulled him from the jaws of death at the cloning facility, he had spent the next few Hive cycles enthralled by the memories. If he hadn’t already been in love, that had done it. Not only was he willing to trust the Wraith, to make sure he was properly fed even if it meant sacrificing a human life, but he was willing to come to Todd’s abandoned Hive and follow his signals. Perhaps the recuse had been an accident, but he hadn’t left Todd there either.

But that was Sheppard; endlessly enthralling from his appearance, which made Todd feel things he hadn’t felt in a long time, to his bravery, loyalty, and youthful certainty…

If only he could be so certain in the figment’s ideas now…

Was it possible to trust that deeply again? He wanted to…

“No.” Todd snarled, waving his hand dismissively, chasing the dangerous thought away. “I have survived on my own for this long, I can continue to do so.”

The figments said nothing, but Todd didn’t need them to to know what they were thinking. Too bad, he was doing this.

Some low-level officer had come by earlier to tell the Wraith that his final audience would be in the Throne Room. Good, that got him past the first hurdle: the doors. Bad, Lewy would be the one to deliver him there.

He had barely beaten the Wraith who he used to call ‘Blade’ the last time they fought. It was only out of sheer luck and the strength of his own training that he had overtaken him. Todd might have said that the Wraith couldn’t have hoped to win their battle, but that had been a desperate guess. Lewy had been the Weapons and Combat Master of Sprawling Skies’ Hive before Todd promoted him to Second. They might be matched one on one, but against a hoard of drones as well…

He shuddered. ‘Blade’ had gotten his name for his quick step and sharp, clear attack. Pure rage had driven Todd the last time, he hadn’t had time to think it through enough to doubt himself. Plus, he’d been protecting a helpless Sheppard.

Todd’s name had been ‘Guide.’ He was a scientist, a politician, and a Wayfinder. Not a Weapon’s Master. The idea of taking on one down on his own Hive was almost laughable.

Todd flexed his fists, feeling what muscle left in his arms tense. He wasn’t what he used to be; Acastus and starvation had ruined him. Though all Wraith possessed superior strength to humans, the truth of it was that this Wraith had lost a lot of muscle in that bunker and he hadn’t had enough time to build all of it back up.

Still, he had FirstLight’s training and genetics on his side…that had to count for something right?

“Sure,” Acastus chimed in. “I’m sure against three or four drones and one senior officer will be easy.”

He growled under his breath.

There was another way, of course, but Todd couldn’t indulge it. His talent for holding back Queen’s and penetrating other’s minds was strictly off-limits.

When Todd had been younger, the equivalent of a human “teenager” FirstLight had drilled into his head that the only way he would make it was if he could hold his own. They had trained for hours and hours at a time until Todd couldn’t move more than raise a cup of water to his lips.

When he had asked the male, pleaded with him really, to let Todd use his mental strength instead, FirstLight had ignored him for a cycle – about one and a half Lantian months.

Male Wraith didn’t have the mental capabilities of Queens. They could communicate and create mental bonds, of course, but emphatically could not spar. They could not control others through their minds. They could put up walls, but that was it.

Todd and FirstLight were different, and neither knew why.

The only other male he’d ever met like him was Astra; it had been the reason he’d decided to mentor the youngling. Left to fend for himself, Astra would have been dead. It’d been a miracle that he’d survived that long already.

And FirstLight had told Todd that to let his abilities be known would mean instant execution.

He’d only fought back against the Two Moons because she already knew, and because Queens did not normally enter the vaster Hivemind, he could bet that only she knew. Only a select few were privy to a Queen’s thoughts if any. Lewy on the other hand…

The word would be out within seconds, and it didn’t take a genius to know what would happen to his reputation then.

No matter how easy it would be to make the Wraith take him to the fighter bay, then break his own neck, it would be too risky. He’d have to fight his way out the normal way.

Sighing, Todd leaned against the bars of the Hive and looked out on the two figments. They didn’t say anything, but again, Todd knew what they were thinking.

He’d just have to prove them wrong.

~

“Get up.” Lewy snapped, snapping his hand on the cell’s bars to rouse Todd from his contemplation. The Wraith had been over every possible technique in his head; most had a high probability of failure.

He would just have to ignore it; he couldn’t afford to get hung up on things like that.

“I said get up.” The Wraith growled.

Groaning, Todd got to his feet. He mirrored Lewy’s murderous expression. “It is time then?”

The new Commander nodded stiffly as if he wished to be anywhere else but here with Todd. Ditto.

Todd dipped his head in acceptance, being sure to keep his expression blank if not a bit frightened.

Lewy clicked and jerked his hand forward. Four drones came into view, as well as one mark-less – low ranking – officer.

‘Tiackchalc,’ Todd cursed in his head. Even a low-ranking officer would be a nuisance.

“Have you decided to be smart, for once?” Lewy asked as the bars rose with a familiar hiss.

Todd only gave him a half smirk, folding his arms across his chest. “That is between Two Moons and I.”

“So that’s a no then.”

The Wraith shrugged.

Two of the four drones were directed to grab his arms. The other two took up the back, and the lower ranking one stood directly in front of Todd to block his view of Lewy. No one bound his hands, but one of the drones pressed a short stunner to his side. It was vaguely flattering that Lewy didn’t think he could lead Todd by himself, but now was no time to be proud.

“Why the Throne Room?” he asked as they began to walk. He knew why, of course, but he wanted to hear it out loud.

Lewy said nothing, but the other Wraith answered. “My Queen wants to make your feeding a public affair.”

Lewy snarled in warning. Obviosuly, the Wraith had spoken out of turn. Todd found himself chuckling at the thought that Lewy couldn’t even corral his lowest officers into obedience.

That got The Commander’s attention. He halted the party just to turn around and demand, “What are you laughing at?”

Todd only chuckled again, raising his shoulders in a dismissive shrug.

The Commander’s eyes were cold. “There is something wrong with you.”

“Yes.” Todd agreed, “There probably is.”

It wasn’t until they had turned back around and kept moving that Lewy added. “I should have known something was wrong with you the moment I met you.”

“Yes.” Todd repeated, “You should have.”

Though how could he have when Todd had been so careful at concealing his Queenlike nature?

They had met aboard Sprawling Skies’ Hive. Lewy had been the weapons master, and Todd the new Commander. Todd had not been chosen the natural way; a transfer of power from one Commander to the next was usually done through death and blood. In Todd’s case, the old Commander had died before Todd could fight him for his position. Sprawling Skies had already accepted the challenge, though, so she simply allowed Todd to assume the title without bloodshed

The old Commander’s Second in Command had sought to challenge his rule almost immediately. Unfortunately for him, Sprawling Skies had rejected the challenge, and “sent the Second away.”

That hadn’t won Todd any favors amongst the vast majority of males on the Hive. It seemed most had been loyal to the old Commander, and more even to the Second and his desire to rule. Normally, if a Commander died unexpectedly, the rank would be fought for almost the Queen-Favored Wraith. In this case, as Todd had learned, no one had been seeking to challenge the Second. Or if they were, they were quiet about it.

But Todd had been planning on challenging, he had desired to be Commander of Sprawling Skies’ Hive for hundreds of years. She’d been a Queen unlike the rest of them – much more like his nest Queen than any he’d served in between. The others were controlling, brutal, and sometimes cruel. They kept a close eye on his actives and ruled him with a sharp hand. Sprawling Skies was a primary; she had several Hives under her Commander, and no time to micromanage her male Wraith.

He'd come because, for all that he desired power, he could not stand constantly having to kneel for females.

No one had told Todd how loved the Second was until after She’d fed on him and tossed his body out into space as a punishment for challenging her direct decision.

Lewy especially had held a close bond with the deceased Wraith.

So if being young and relatively inexperienced for such a vast network of Hives wasn’t enough, his own Weapons Master sought to end his life.

He hadn’t succeeded because, young as Todd had been, he’d been smart.

He’d cemented Sprawling Skies’ tentative favor by placating her Wraith. A few allowances here, a chance to voice their grievances there. Todd had done a total and complete restructuring of how the Hive functioned. One which would allow every male of rank to feel seen, and heard without undermining the ingrained, inherent power structure males craved.

It was a ruling style similar to Firstlight’s, and it had worked.

Lewy wouldn’t have dared make the same mistake as the Second and execute or challenge a Commander who coveted the affections of his Queen.

In time, through seemingly endless efforts to prove his qualifications, the Wraith had warmed up to Todd. Eventually, he became his second and confidant for his plan to make peace.

Second only to Astra, Todd had trusted Lewy with his life.

Though he could still barely beat him in a real fight…and only sometimes.

Now wasn’t the best time to try his luck, but it was the only chance Todd had to get out of here.

He wanted to be far away from the cells and their guards when he struck, but not so far away that they entered the densely populated main Hive. But where was that…? Once, Todd had known this Hive better than his own; now it seemed foreboding in its strangeness It was not the same Hive he had courted Two Moons on. No familiar landmarks, no little alcoves he had pressed her against in the throughs of passion. No places he had trotted, scouting the Hive to report back to its Queen the places where it was failing

Help running it in exchange for her loyalty, that had been the deal.

Even though all Hive’s followed the same basic blueprint on the outside, each was unique in how it bent its walls, where it placed its rooms. The Fighter Bay could be on the right or the left, the Throne Room at the head or the middle. This Hive had been nearly burnt to ash ten thousand years ago so, while Todd knew where these things used to be, he had no way of knowing if the Hive regrew them the same.

He'd just have to risk it and say the Fighter Bay was still across the Hive from where the cells were, and the throne room in the middle, near the Heart.

It was when he saw the first new Wraith take a left past them that he decided he had to act.

He put one foot out in front of him and let his body fall as if he’d tripped. The sudden change in weight startled the drones and their grips faltered just enough for Todd to twist out of their holds.

Catching his footing, Todd ripped the stunner out of the drone’s arm milliseconds before it fired into him. The blast caught the wall; Todd heard the slight hiss of the Hive in pain, but he couldn’t worry about that or the signals it would send to Two Moons. He fired the stunner on its previous owner, then at the one who’d held his other arm. He heard the startup of a stunner just in time to roll under it and across the floor to pop up behind the fierier and crumple him to his knees. The blast glanced off the side of the low-ranking officer instead, but it wouldn’t be enough to stun him for longer than a few minutes. Todd took advantage of that time to take out the last drone.

Now would be a great time to duck behind some pillar or wall, but before he could, Lewy was changing him.

Asadente.

Todd dropped his stunner and met the charge, hand out. Lewy’s fist caught under his eye at the same time as Todd’s snapped against his cheek. Both males snarled, each backing up in order to charge again.

“You really think you could win again?” Lewy growled.

Todd said nothing. He flexed his palm and grinned.

Lewy huffed, and he was right to.

Still, Todd met his charge again, this time evading the fist by ducking and ramming his own head into Lewy’s stomach. Milliseconds later, Lewy’s hands came down hard on the back of his neck. Todd’s vision swam, and he stumbled; but Acastus had banged his head against walls so often that his body, used to it, recovered quickly. His eyesight cleared even before Lewy grabbed him by the hair and threw him to the side.

A spike of fear sailed through Todd, but he forced himself to shake it off and caught his footing before he landed on his side. He used the wall for extra momentum when he rammed the whole of his body weight against Lewy. The force was enough to send the Commander tumbling down.

Todd meant to pin him, but Lewy had read his opponent's reaction and twisted a heavy fist into Todd’s hair. He fell with Lewy, the pain of being handled there rendering him inert for just a second too long. Lewy’s hand still gripped him tightly even as he clambered on top.

Some old trauma reared its ugly head and he froze.

“I won.” Lewy sneered, bending down so he was as close to Todd’s face as possible. Todd felt a stunner press against his side and…

The Wraith must have forgotten what happened, or at the very least he was not aware of his own body for the next part.

All Todd knew was one moment the fear of the gods entrapped him, and the next there was a stunner in his hand, not Lewys, and he was having trouble breathing from the sensation of a limp body pinning him down. He must have grabbed the weapon somehow…

Why was there a body here?

It was as if a solar wind had crashed down on him. There was too much pressure, too much skin to skin. He squirmed under Lewy, his breath hitching and releasing in a high-pitched wail.

But getting the body off didn’t help, his mind spun with memories of all the times that bodies hadn’t gotten off. A full body shudder turned into a chilling tremor, and he suddenly had the urge to vomit; as if purging could rid him of the sweat, the stick, the pain.

Todd rolled over and clamped his hands down over his ears to stop the sounds of man and their familiar voices, voices which haunted his nightmares. Suddenly it was dark, and stale, and hard, and there was someone over him and he was too weak to fight them off.

“Todd?” The person said his name, but he only felt their breath hot against his cheek.

Todd tried and failed to pull his body away from the oncoming attack.

“Todd!” They said again, louder and further away somehow despite being overhead.

Todd shook his head, curling up as much as he could to try and protect himself.

“Todd, you need to get up before the other Wraith does or you’re as good as dead.”

“I am already dead.” He choked out, shivering.

“No, you’re not.” The voice chided, “you should be after what you just did, and you’re stupid as hell for trying it, but you’re alive.” The more it talked, the more Todd realized it sort of sounded like…

“Sheppard?” he asked weakly, titling his head up to search with blurry eyes.

The disappointment of seeing the figment of Sheppard was palpable, but at least he could see where he was.

A Hive - he felt the floor - not a Genii cell.

With a groan, Todd pulled himself into a sitting position and spat. “You just cannot leave me alone, can you?”

Sheppard just shrugged. “You need to keep moving.”

Todd scowled at him and pushed up to his feet. It was weird to stand when it felt like he had no bones. He held a hand out in front of him and flexed his tremoring fingers to prove he wasn’t made of dust or glass.

Something stirred in the corner of his vision; the officer groaned.

Todd felt unbelievably weak. What part of that was due to hunger and what part was due to panic was unknown. Still, he pressed his feeding hand against the underling as it struggled to gain full consciousness.

“Where is the Fighter Bay?” he demanded.

He didn’t speak, snarling instead.

Todd sighed and let the teeth of the organ pierce the skin. ‘Where is the Fighter Bay?’ he asked again, this time slipping inside the Wraith’s mind easily, as he died, to find his answer.

As soon as the answer was revealed, Todd took his fill of the very shocked-looking Wraith. The resulting torrent made his fingertips buzz in a good way, but he was still hungry, or still panicked.

One, two, three, and four drones were drained in quick succession. He could leave no one alive to share what had happened with the Hive Mind.

By the time he was done. So much life pumped through his veins that lifting Lewy over his shoulders felt like lifting a Wraithling. He’d use the Commander as a bargaining chip, or a shield, and feed on him once safely through a stargate.

Without giving another thought to his panic, Todd took off for the other end of the Hive where, hopefully, his escape ship lay in wait.

~

He had to move quickly; surely the whole Hive knew of his escape by now and would be rushing to the spot it had happened. That was why keeping Lewy unconscious was so vital. He pounded down the way they’d come, looking for a hallway to break off into that was different than the ones they’d turned through. The residual fear from his attack and the lives he’d gorged on mingled into some twisted surge of pure energy which left him breathless and too full at the same time. The corners of his eyes were murky, his brain fizzling, but when he threw his attention out into the world of the hive itself, he was focused.

Todd had no connection to this Hive anymore, so a link was impossible, but every Wraith could feel a Hive’s energy if they tried (or maybe that was just him). In any case, narrowing in on it helped to ground him to where he was, instead of where he’d been.

Slowly, the sensations of fully being alive returned to The Wraith. With each touch of his toes on the soft floor, each exhale, each pull as Lewy jostled in his arms, Todd found himself remembering himself again.

It wasn’t the first time he’d had to pull himself out of pure panic. Many times in Acastus’s cell, after being raped, he’d split from the moment. The separation had floated him up above the abuse, to a point where he was both aware of and deaf to it at the same time. It had been even worse when the male had started forcing him to give the Gift of Life. There was a good month of time that he couldn’t remember much of besides the sensation of lying on needles.

Still, as horrible as that feeling had been, Todd had preferred it greatly to what Acastus would do. Too bad coming out of it always brought a host of unpleasant thoughts and feelings.

This time was no different; a wave of shame washed over him at what he’d let happen. During a battle no less. If there had been any other Wraith there, he’d be dead right now.

The Wraith’s knees buckled, and he tripped to the side, crashing into the Hive wall. Asadente.

‘Shake it off, keep moving.’ He told himself, taking off again.

But the thoughts stayed. He was not the Commander he used to be, the Wraith he’d used to be. It was easy to pretend you were alright when no one could touch you. Alone on a hostile Hive, that was not the case. Even on Atlantis, it hadn’t been this bad for him. There no one had cared, or been able to tell he was hurting expect for that mind doctor who he hated.

‘Stop it.’ He told himself, ‘Soon you will be out of here and to safety.’

But where would he go? His Hive had mutinied. Surely those Wraith had claimed the Hive near left near Atlantis. There was a slight chance that Bonewhite had been able to get there first, but nothing to count on.

Bonewhite…Todd missed that youngling more than he thought he would.

During the attack, someone had fired at Sheppard’s ship. It hadn’t been Bonewhite like Todd had heard the human think. The younger Wraith would never do something like that to Todd, not unless he’d suddenly become very, very stupid.

Still, even if Bonewhite was out there trying to find Todd too, that still left him with no Hive. He supposed he could go to FirstLight like he had after his escape from Acastus. The Ancient Wraith had taken him in then, he might once more.

Todd’s whole being and body were so opposed to that idea that he nearly lost balance again. It wasn’t FirstLight per se that was the problem, but the act of admitting that he needed help again.

No, Todd could figure it out on his own. No need to bring his mentor into it all. The Wraith had a feeling, anyways, that if he stepped on that Hive, he would never step off of it again. And being FirstLight’s second in Command was nearly as nauseating as serving a controlling Queen.

He was no one’s second.

Whatever part of his heart ached for the comforts of home, and a Wraith who loved him did not outweigh Todd’s desire for freedom.

Besides, FirstLight had taken Todd in then, when he was no more capable of taking care of himself than a new hatchling. That did not mean that the Wraith would take him in now after he’d split from his nest Hive once again.

Todd had gone to FirstLight because he couldn’t do anything else. He’d had nowhere to go, much less somewhere to heal. He’d needed the care, attention, and resources only FirstLight could give him.

He’d stayed on his Hive for months trying to recover, and he did. However, as soon as he could stand to be around others again without freaking out, or letting his fear show through, he left. FirstLight had gifted him transport and a small crew, including Bonewhite, and Todd had left.

The two Commander’s had fundamental differences in their ideas about humans. Todd believed their lives worth something, believed they were just as intelligent and as feeling as Wraith. FirstLight knew these things and yet did not care. During an old argument when Todd was barely a thousand years old, FirstLight had told him, emphatically, that if some Wraith wanted to go about recusing humans, then his Hive would have no part in it, no matter how justified it was.

And Todd got it, humans were their food, and FirstLight was a Wraith of immense influence and power. He could simply be seen to be aiding humans without jeopardizing his position. To a male, position was everything.

But Todd had had no real connections, no influence, and no reputation yet. He aspired to be a Commander, and he aspired to reach a peace.

He’d left FirstLight’s Hive with a blessing )for the first aspiration, of course) and when he’d gotten his first Commandership, Todd and his mentor had drunk Spiced Liquor together. Humans aside, their love for each other stayed strong.

But when he’d first started dealing with the Lantians, and went to his mentor for help, FirstLight had refused to see him for longer than a minute. He had told Todd that whatever he did, he did on his own.

Then the Attero device happened, and whatever relationship they might have had crumbled. Todd could recall a time after it happened when FirstLight would not even look at him; even when he was unrecognizable as himself.

Those wounds ran, no matter the kindness of the present.

So not an option, even if FirstLight did keep tabs on him via Bonewhite (which Todd wasn’t supposed to know about by very much did).

And even if FirstLight still loved him - no matter how painful it was to think he might – Todd couldn’t see FirstLight accepting him now that his real identity had been so widely uncovered yet again.

No, not an option at all.

So, he’d make it to the fighter bay, steal a ship, and jet off to the nearest Stargate where he’d go…somewhere far away from this corner of the Galaxy. And if he was lucky, no more Queens would come after him.

As for the future, he didn’t know. That scared him even more than Acastus, or Two Moons. For the past ten thousand years, Todd had been awake and waiting for the return of the Lantians; it wasn’t possible right now to think of a future that didn’t involve them.

~

Todd didn’t make a sound, didn’t even breathe; he could meld with the pillar from how hard he pressed himself against it, Lewy plastered to his body like a second skin.

A search party rounded the corner into the room he hid in. He’d heard them from minutes away, meaning they probably heard him too. He’d ditches his boots a while back, on a trail he’d doubled back on, but that didn’t guarantee that his footsteps couldn’t be heard. There was also the manner of his Hive knowing him to be an outsider…

Todd might have been starting to regret this plan.

“Check the entire area.” The one presumably in charge ordered, “If he is in here, we’ll find him.”

‘Asadente.’ Todd flicked his eyes around the room, looking for an escape route. He found none.

The Wraith drew closer, their bloodthirsty scents stinging the air around them. Todd’s blood roared in his ears, his heart hammered against his ribcage. He had to think fast or he was as good as drained…

With no hesitation, he gently lowered Lewy to the floor and hooked his hands and toes into the pillar. Using the thick vines which wrapped around it as holds, he scampered to the top and sunk his nails into the matter to secure himself enough to look down below.

“It the Commander!” one Wraith shouted, bending down to worriedly check over Lewy. Todd sensed his anxiety spike, then waver when he realized his Commander was only stunned.

The Wraith in charge was there in an instant, a permanent-looking scowl on his face. “Why would he just leave him here?”

“Dead weight?” a third who was flanked by two drones questioned.

The leader growled, his eyes sweeping the room, “No…something is not right…”

Todd had one and only one chance to do this right, and his window was narrowing as the leader’s eyes started to look up. With a prayer to Gods he didn’t believe in anymore, he dropped from the ceiling and onto the leader. They crumpled, and he tried to fight back but Todd had already slammed his palm down. A scream of agony accompanied the clamorous sounds of Wraith shouts; the leader died in Todd’s arms.

Todd wasted no time in spinning around, carcass in his arms, to block the blast from a stunner head-on. He dropped the leader and rolled to doge the second on. Four different blasts shot at the next pillar he scampered up. Todd managed to avoid all of them by circling as he climbed.

Once at the top, he jumped again, this time on the Wraith who had found Lewy and fed. Except for this time he barely dodged the blasts and only thanks to the new body in his arms. He definitely couldn’t try that trick again; from here on out it was hand to hand.

He spun on his heel, firing as many short-range shots as he could before ditching that weapon to grab a long-range and aim it at the last standing Wraith and drone.

“Kaasaleja,” The Wraith howled, charging with his teeth bared, his whole body taken over by rage.

“Get a new insult,” Todd joked, bringing his hands up in a defensive stance. The Wraith he fought was young, he could not hope to win.

Still, with Todd’s hands occupied, even as he threw the youngling to the side, the drone seized the upper hand. Todd narrowly avoided a stunner blast; then he didn’t avoid two hands coming down on him with enough force to crumple him to his knees.

The Wraith barred his teeth and let loose a grating snarl which Todd barely heard over the rush of blood to his head.

He couldn’t be brought down that easily.

With a primal type growl, he kicked back up and jumped at the drone. Hand connected with flesh and he consumed another of his kind. By now, the energy from it all had completely taken over. He was going to win this, and he was going to get to the dart bay and he-

More footsteps sounded, many, many more…

He glanced to the entrance, then back at the lone Wraith. His face must have betrayed his alarm, and for a moment Todd could see in the other Wraith’s eyes how pathetic he must look…

Sure enough, the Wraith grinned. “You are trapped.

But he could be, could he? Not after coming this far and fighting this hard…

‘Come on Todd, think…’

Lewy’s limp body caught his eye and an idea struck. In record time, he snatched the Commander and pressed his feeding hand to his neck. The look of horror on the other’s face was almost laughable.

“You-“

“Quiet.” Todd hissed, back up, dragging Lewy with him. “You go out there and tell them I ran a different way, or I feed on your Commander.”

The Wraith looked horribly unsure and horribly angry; he was caught between wanting to kill Todd, and knowing that to be the Wraith who caused the death of the Commander was unforgivable. Todd could always rely on his kind’s hideously strong sense of loyalty to misguide them, as it would now.

“Do we have a deal? Or will you be the one to tell them he is dead?” He hissed, cementing the decision.

The Wraith said nothing but to run out. Seconds later, footsteps charged past the entrance giving Todd an idea of where not to go.

“I guess you’re good for something after all.” He told Lewy and slipped out the entrance.

 

 

John

 

They were just settling in to start the process when someone knocked on Teyla’s door. Sighing, she pulled herself up and padded over to open it. Evan Lorne stood there, his face in a concerned frown. “Woolsey wants to see Sheppard.”

John jumped up immediately, crossing the room before Teyla could say anything. “Great,” he said, I want to see him too.”

“John.” Teyla put her hand on his shoulder. “We do not yet have results.”

“Doesn’t matter.” He said to her, then gently push ‘we need to know his position.’

She frowned, giving him another look, but relented nonetheless. “I will accompany you.”

"Alone," Evan added, then mumbled. “Sorry.”

She smiled at him, hiding her agitation, “Very well.” She turned to John. “I shall await your return and good news.”

He gave her a grin and wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug. She seemed stunned for a moment, but soon her arms came to wrap around him and she mumbled something in his mind that sounded like a prayer.

They hugged for a long moment until Evan cleared his throat and John pulled away, face tinged with blush.

As he walked away - ran really – he heard Teyla invite him in to see Torren. A surge of warmth overwhelmed him, and all he could think about was how badly he wanted Todd to be in this life with him. Hopefully, Woolsey would show mercy after all.

~

“I have a ship and crew.” The Wraith John called ‘Kenny’ said over a recorded message Woolsey had put on minutes after John had come. “The Wraith we call FirstLight wishes me to use them in the search for the Commander.” He paused, looking annoyed. “And the Commander would want John Sheppard’s people to aid in his rescue…even if John Sheppard is probably not with the Commander anymore…” He waved his hand dismissively and snarled so loudly that even Astra flinched. “As it must be, I will enter orbit around your planet shortly and will continue on whether you accept or not. You will have little time to make this decision as I will not wait any longer than necessary for your human minds to come to an agreement.” With that, the screen cut out.

Woolsey looked at John who was just as blindsided. “I could have sworn he’d been part of the attack…”

“Apparently not. Woolsey’s tone was sharp. He glanced to Mirage next. “Do you know anything about this?”

She shook her head, then paused, a frown forming. “No, but I know who FirstLight is.”

“Enlighten us, please,” Woolsey said impatiently.

She pressed her lips together, her green eyes flicked around the room before finally settling on Astra. The two must have shared a conversation because it was he who said, ‘He is an old friend of Dara’s.”

“And we’re just hearing about him now?” John couldn’t help from asking. It wasn’t that he wasn’t grateful for the help, just that he didn’t trust it after the weeks of betrayal he’d had.

Astra shrugged. “The last time I met FirstLight, he was the kind to keep to himself. Even in the middle of the war.”

Mirage nodded her agreement, entwining her left hand with Astra’s right. “But he is trustworthy…at least he was in the past.”

“Right…” John found himself pleading for more with his eyes.

She met his gaze and gave him a light smile before glancing at Woolsey with enough subtly that he didn’t notice.

Ah, so it was something to do with Todd’s past…

Tentatively, John reached out into open space with his mind. He couldn’t so much find hers, but it didn’t matter because she found his. They embraced each other in a weak, but very solid connection. John felt butterflies, and an overwhelm of warmth. He had to steady himself on the back of a chair.

If she was affected, she did not show it. Instead, she combed her fingers through her hair and posited the question. “Who is this Wraith who comes to us?”

To John, she sent, ‘FirstLight was the one to rescue Dara before his execution.’

John visibly frowned. ‘But Todd said that that Wraith was probably dead.’ Out loud, he answered. “Todd’s second on his last Hive, I didn’t know they were this close.”

“If he is telling the truth, of course,” Woolsey added disdainfully.

“There is that…” John trailed off; his eyes still fixed on Mirage.

Mirage settled back against her chair. “Would he come all this way simply to trick you?” she answered John’s question with, ‘Their relationship has always been…complicated. I imagine he had not seen FirstLight for a long time and simply did not want to get into it.”

Great, more complications and weird relationships. ‘They weren’t lovers, right?’

Mirage did quirk a smile at that. ‘Not at all, FirstLight was his Mentor, and his sire.’

Ah, daddy issues. Finally, a subject John was versed in.

Mirage smiled again.

Still…if FirstLight had bailed Todd out of jail after the Attero device, then many ten-thousand years later, it was possible he’d want to again.

“I say we trust him.” John decided on.

“You do? Woolsey scrutinized. “Why?”

‘Because I love Todd, because I want to get him back, because this guy is the only shot we have.’ He could go on, and pink raced up his cheeks at even the thought of it all, but he slammed those feelings down and cleared his throat to try and regain some control. ‘He’s the best shot we have without taking the Daedalus.”

“And what if it is a trap? Then what?” Woolsey asked.

John made a face. “I’ve escaped a lot of traps before.”

Woolsey gave him a look that John hated. It reminded him of his father, of his drill sergeants, of every general who’d ever thought they could push him around.

“Come on, Woolsey, I’m not asking for much here. Just permission and a couple of guys.”

“And what I’m asking for, Colonel is an explanation as to why you want that so badly. Has it not been you who’s been so keen on Todd making a mistake so you could kill him? Is it not you who remains suspicious of him even when he does everything the way he said he would? What happened out there, John?”

“Nothing-“ John started roughly, the old habit of protecting himself kicking in.

“I don’t buy that.” Woolsey cut him off.

“Of course, you don’t,” he growled.

“John, if you’ve been compromised in any way, I need to know-“

“No!” John slammed his fist down on the table so hard that even Astra jumped. “I’m not comprised. Not by a fucking Wraith.” He knew Woolsey didn’t mean it like that, but that’s how he took it.

But the reaction must have given his true feelings away because at once Woolsey’s face changed. It didn’t turn sour, but it didn’t light up either. “Really?” He raised his voice. “I’m not a child, Colonel, I can tell-“

“Then tell it,” John said through clenched teeth, his entire body felt like a thousand grams of adrenaline had been shot into it. It didn’t matter if Woolsey hooked up with some soldier one time, or that he probably wouldn’t give a shit if John did too. He couldn’t see past the fear and the shame.

And what if Woolsey reported it? What if his sympathies wouldn’t stop his neurotic need to follow the rules?

But it was too late now, wasn’t it?

“Tell it…” he ended up saying, sinking into a chair with his head in his palms. “Say it if you must just…just don’t make me say it out loud.”

The first thing he heard was Woolsey’s deep sigh, and an ushering of Mirage and Astra out of the room. the second thing he heard was Woolsey sitting down next to him, and the last thing he heard was the man saying. “No, you cannot say it…not in an official capacity.”

John huffed a laugh, but Woolsey wasn’t done.

“But I imagine you know that all too well.’ he leaned over John, one hand spread on the table.

John looked up, gulping at the intense expression in Woolsey’s eyes. “I-“

“We cannot choose those we…” His mouth quirked in an uncharacteristic smile. “You understand.”

“D-Do I?” John agreed without admitting it. His hands were shaking so hard that he had to fist them in his pants.

Woolsey sighed. He rightened himself and took a few, professional steps back.

John kept his eyes on the man and waited anxiously to see if Woolsey’s understanding would turn to pity. ‘Please, please let me go.’

It was a long, agonizing minute before he spoke. “I suppose…”

John’s breath caught, his hands could rip his pants at the seams if he was stronger.

“You may take your team and any of Astra’s Hive that wishes to join. You will tell no one about the mission, and if something were to happen to Atlantis because of it, you would have to tell the IOA you acted without my permission.”

John shot up, mouth open to speak.

“Don’t thank me.” Woolsey held his hand up. “In fact, you should get angry- oh!”

John pulled him tight for less than a second, but he hoped the meaning came across anyways. Under his breath, he mumbled. “Thank you, sir.”

Woolsey looked at him awkwardly, clearly out of his conform zone just as John was. But he gave the Colonel a slight smile before saying loudly. “If you ask me again, I will make sure you never work on Atlantis again.”

John clenched his fists, and teeth, and said with a snarl. “Fine. Be responsible for a life lost!” He started to leave, making sure to do it with stomping feet.

“A Wraith, Colonel.”

He paused, trying to keep the grin off his face as he snapped. “Elizabeth would have never left someone behind, Wraith or not.”

He left the room looking furious, but the look broke as soon as he met Mirage’s eyes. He tossed a ‘Get ready to go' at her as he ran toward Teyla’s room. The delight it was met with was so much that it nearly matched his own. 

With a ship, Todd had a hope.

 

Todd

 

Unsurprisingly, but unfortunately nonetheless, the Wraith had taken the others down the path least populated by other Wraith. He’d forced Todd to venture closer and closer to the heart.

It was loud here, at least by Wraith standards. No talking occurred because of the hive-mind, but the Wraith could hear footsteps. What was the loudest though, was the scent of apprehension, thick and musty, at the disappearance of a prisoner and the kidnapping of a Commander. Usually, these Hive areas smelled of joy, of closeness, and brotherhood. But, with everyone on high alert, the Hive had become a war zone in and of itself. Todd had smelled these same smells aboard Sprawling Skies’ Hive centuries ago, at his own hearing. They stunk up the place so strongly that it was a little disorienting.

No matter, he had to keep moving even if-

The body in his arms twitched.

Todd stopped dead in his tracks and prepared to fire his stunner on the Wraith again.

Lewy’s eyes shot open seconds before the blast fire, and he, on instinct, shoved it away from his face so it hit the wall behind them. Todd hadn’t been prepared for how fast he would move, so it was no surprise that Lewy got free before Todd could fire again.

He swiveled his head, confused and disoriented, trying to figure out how he’d gotten from there to here. Finally, his gaze settled on Todd and his expression turned to rage. “You.”

Todd fired again, but Lewy dodged with a grin. “Uh-uh, not this time. You caught me by surprise before, that won’t happen again.”

Todd snarled, dropping his stunner to prepare for another fight. The energy from eight full feedings buzzed and swirled through him, his eyes shone with too much life for one Wraith to hold.

Lewy’s rage faltered. “How many have you…”

“Enough.” He barred his teeth in a grin. Eating one’s fellow Wraith was not overtly bad, especially in dire circumstances; but to feed on so many when one was not close to starvation, that was a taboo of the highest order.

Disgust flited through Todd’s opponent's expression. “That is not how things are done.”

“They are if you are me.” He snapped, leaning back on his toes to feel the weight of himself before he charged. Todd was in a dire circumstance, it had been necessary.

“You could have stunned them!” Lewy accused, “like you did me.”

“Cut it with the lecture, I did what I had to do.”

“Oh you always do what you have to do, don’t you.” He snarled and charged at Todd.

Todd jumped to the side, letting Lewy fly past. He missed slamming into the wall only because of his excellent reflexes.

“A Wraith who would sooner feed on his kind than the humans he culls is no Wraith anymore.”

Todd just chuckled, jumping to the side again, those eight lives burning in him.

“And one who fights with his kind as fuel will never truly win.”

“What good is honor if you are dead?” He blocked Lewy’s jump with both hands and it barely knocked him back.

The only added fuel to the fire. Lewy looked as if he would kill him. “But why drag me all this way? Why not kill me?”

The energy in Todd crackled. He made his own charge, slamming into Lewy and shoving him up against the wall. “Sentimental value.”

Lewy snarled and kicked his feet out, landing them against Todd’s stomach and successfully knocking him off balance for just long enough to spin them around. Todd especially easily, leaving Lewy as frustrated as he was confused.

“What?” Todd taunted. “I thought you’d be used to beating me by now.”

The male's gaze wavered, like he was remembering something. Seconds later, he shook it off and jumped at his opponent again. “By now the Hive knows exactly where you are, they are coming for you and no amount of mind-tricks can save you.”

Todd hissed, but he wasn’t surprised. Lewy had had him back there, the only way he would have gotten that stunner was to coerce him. His instincts must have taken over. Still, it was no good thing to know for sure.

FirstLight had told him-

Lewy slammed into him, this time pinning Todd successfully. “It was such a strange sensation, being invaded by a male.”

Todd flinched, feeling naked against Lewy’s pure revulsion.

Lewy snickered, pressing the long claws of his off-hand into the skin of Todd’s wrists and bearing down on him with the exact right weight placement to keep him still. His feeding hand settled on the Wraith’s bare chest, on his Commander’s mark. Without a second more passing, life ripped away from him.

Todd gasped, pure panic shivered over him, and the fight he had left seemed to sink away under the paralyzing effects of Lewy’s enzyme.

“I knew something was wrong with you, but I hadn’t imagined it would be that. When Two Moons finds out-“

“She already knows.” Todd hissed through the agony. One, two, three, lives tore from under his skin, the pain such that he could barely see, let alone think.

“Fight it!” Sheppard shouted from the corner of Todd’s eye. “You still have to win!”

But he couldn’t move, and as each life was taken from him, Lewy got closer and closer to stealing his own…

“More delicious than I could have dreamed of.” Lewy purred in sick pleasure. “I should have fed from you instead of reporting you ten-thousand years ago. It would have saved us so much trouble.

Todd’s eyes went wide, and though he couldn’t move, he tried to. Lewy had what.  

 “Oh you didn’t know?” he grinned. “Oh of course you didn’t, you never would have trusted me if you had.”

“Todd,” Sheppard pleaded as Lewy caressed the corners of Todd’s own energy.

But his mind was spinning with grief and anger, hurt. Lewy had…he had trusted him. “W-Why?” he choked out as the first parts of him disappeared.

Lewy shook his head, lips spread wide still in glee.

And it was the glee that did it; that sick, sick sense of joy that Wraith got from his misery spurred him into action. No more. He wouldn’t allow it anymore.

Still immobile, Todd reached out with his mind and captured Lewy’s in an instant. Fueled with hate, he forced the Wraith to reverse the flow.

Lewy’s features screwed up into agony as the forced Gift of Life spread over them both. Todd ignored the pleasure and held Lewy against him until the male was so weak that he crumpled on his own.

Todd’s foot connected with flesh. Over and over and over he kicked, screaming, howling, into the Hive. Lewy had done this, Lewy had made it so he had to run, made it so he had no Hive, made it so he could not hibernate without fear of missing the Lantians. He saw something darker than red, smelled something heavier than fury. His mind enveloped his foe’s and, with something so Queen-like that it was undeniable, he made the Wraith rise to face him, even as his face wounds bled in a flow Todd dragged out of him.

“Why!” he screamed at the male, feeding hand out. The muscles of Lewy’s throat constricted, and Tod didn’t let air come to him anymore. “Why”

But even though Lewy couldn’t move, his mind's answer was loud and clear.

Todd froze, all his own emotion eradicated by the sheer strength of Lewys…

Oh no.

Anger, hurt, betrayal, mistrust. A rush of emotions washed over Todd in such a strong wave that his hold wavered. At once, he was pierced with an understanding which rocked him to his core.

He felt what it was like to be Lewy, or Two Moons, or Sprawling Skies. He became them even, and in that rush of understanding, he willingly let Lewy fall free.

Both Wraith crumpled. Todd was shaking from the knowledge of how the others had felt.

A damn in him broke then, and he wailed. For years he’d ignored how badly he’d screwed up, clinging desperately to the belief that he didn’t deserve to die from it. But what Lewy had felt…it all made perfect sense.

They’d lost Hives, homes, alliances, nearly the war. Their food supply had been exterminated. All because of one youngling’s radical ideas about humans. Hadn’t someone told him? And more importantly, how had they fallen for it?

Todd had felt loss, but not like this, never like this.

Todd hadn’t…hadn’t lost a Nest Hive…like Lewy.

Sprawling Skies’ Hive had been one of the first to fall victim to the Attero device. It was only by sheer luck that she hadn’t been on it when it did.

They had all been lucky.

Todd remembered how it felt to think for even a moment that FirstLight might be gone. What would he have done, then, if his Mentor had fallen?

Oh gods

Exile wasn’t nearly enough…was it?

What was he doing?

He heard footsteps, and in a blind panic he shot Lewy’s twitching body with a stunner and yanked him down and hallway. He ran as fast as he could, twisting through the Hive, searching for someplace he might be able to catch his breath and think things through. His blood roared in his ears, he could barely see.

He’d screamed apologies when he was dragged away to a cell, but they felt empty now that he fully understood what losing a home was like. Not a few horrible seconds, but a lifetime of nightmares, and screaming out the names of your brothers from a crumpled nest.

He hadn’t meant for it to happen. He had been so…so stupid…

And even worse was the small part of him that knew he’d been tricked as well.

Why couldn’t anyone understand that? He knew now that it was probably because their pain was too great to see through.

It felt like forever on leaden feet before he reached a hallway lined with freshly open cocoons. He didn’t think twice before he shoved Lewy deep into one and climbed in after him, pulling the broken curtain up the best he could.

And there, in that tight squeeze, Todd finally went limp.

 

Notes:

I hope you enjoyed this chapter! As always, thank you for the comments, and Kudos and for putting up with my awful upload schedule. <3

Chapter 18: Rescue Part 1

Summary:

Todd and John make contact, and start the ball rolling towards reuniting!

Notes:

This "chapter" is so long that It needs to be broken up into three parts. This one will be the longest by far. Thanks for reading!

John

 

“Kenny wants to help us?” Rodney asked after John explained, excitedly, the new plan.

“I don’t trust it.” Ronan echoed, crossing his large arms over his chest and fixing John with a withering look.

The Colonel shrugged, his palms flipping up in an ‘I don’t know' gesture. “I don’t really trust it either,” he said, “but it’s the only chance we’ve got. Besides, some of Astra’s people will be there…”

Ronan’s look didn’t get any better, in fact it might have gotten worse.

John sighed, he’d known this wasn’t going to be easy. “Look, you don’t have to come if you don’t want to…but I could really use your help on this…all of your help.”

“I am coming,” Teyla confirmed. When Rodney didn’t answer right away, she nudged him.

“O-Of course,” the scientist sputtered, “Wouldn’t miss it…heh.” But John knew that was code for ‘of fucking course, idiot’

All eyes turned to Ronan who was still scowling, still looking at John as if he’d lost his mind. It was a little while before he said. “If you’re wrong…”

“You can personally beat my ass up about it,” he joked with a half-smile.

After another pause, the Setedan ask, “Swear it?”

A shiver of relief accompanied John’s grin, and god fucking bless his friends.

~

John found himself pacing the length of the locker room while he waited for his team to finish suiting up. Kenny would be here soon, and they and Astra’s team would load into a couple of jumpers and fly up to meet his Hive. There was to be no mention of this trip to anyone. As far as the rest of Atlantis knew, Mirage and Astra had gone home.

Really, they were waiting in a Jumper that Mirage would fly up next to the one John piloted with his team.

From there, they would either be slaughtered and eaten or Kenny would set out with them to…who knew where. With all the chaos, John hadn’t had the chance to reach for Todd. He hoped with all his heart that Kenny would have some information Atlantis didn’t. It seemed unlikely though, or Todd might have been rescued already.

‘Stop worrying so much,’ Teyla said in their mind space as she pulled her tact vest over her shirt. ‘All will go smoothly.’

He slowed but didn’t stop. ‘If my idea works then it will.’

‘And if it does not, then perhaps Kenny has some information we do not.’

‘Not likely,’ John echoed his previous thoughts, “I think the bastard is only coming to us because he has no idea where Todd is. I think he’s hoping that I’m still missing and you have a way to find me. Though I still have no idea how he knew I was with Todd.’

‘Perhaps Todd told him,’ Teyla offered, examining her sidearm. ‘I did wonder how you two ended up together. Now knowing affections exist, I could believe that Todd chose to come after us to the planet instead of hiding on board his mutinied ship and waiting for safe passage.’

John’s mouth went dry, and his face flushed. He suddenly felt very hot all over, like the damned sun was in the room with them. Could that really be true? His heart thumped at the thought of it. Had Todd really chosen to risk it on the planet, with all that heavy fire, just for him?

Teyla chuckled. She came over and settled a hand on his shoulder. They brought their foreheads together and the torrent stopped.

~

Astra met them in the Jumper Bay. Mirage must have been inside, but that wasn’t what John was focused on.

Four Wraith stood together, waiting. Or…for Wraith-like beings. One was Nexus, and the others…well they must have been his siblings.

Each had hair the color of anything but white. One was blonde, one jet black, and one had this chestnut color that nearly looked red. Each one’s skin had that same green-tan, and when they smiled politely they sorted the same blunt teeth. One of them even had more human-looking eyes – brown instead of gold.

That one, when John looked closer, was…female?

She smiled and John actually saw the glint of fangs behind her upturn. Her chestnut hair reached down her back in loose curls, almost waves like Mirage. “Hello.” She purred, sounding the most Wraith-like of them all.

“My siblings.” Nexus said casually, stepping forward and also closer to his father.

“I-I gathered,” John stammered, screwing his face back into professionalism even as his eyes trailed back to the three.

“Something is wrong?” Astra asked, following his eyes.

John shrugged. “Aren’t they kind of…obvious?”

“And you are not?” the female asked with a slightly Queen-like lilt.

Despite her more human appearance, John felt a shiver of fear down his spine. He pushed it aside and cleared his throat to answer. “Guess so.”

Ronan grunted, John saw him shift and knew he must be scowling.

Teyla’s mind was alight against his with the desire to move closer to the female.

‘You aren’t afraid?’ he asked her.

‘No,’ she answered, ‘she could be much like me.’

Whatever reaction John might have had to that was interrupted by his com cracking to on.

“Kenny has uh…arrived,” Woolsey said, his voice laced with anxiety. “Are you sure about this, Colonel?”

“Yeah.” He turned off his com before Woolsey could ask him again, and set it aside on a loose crate. “Alright gang, let's head out.”

~

Going up to the Hive was possibly more nerve-wracking than anything John had done this month. With no way to tell if Kenny was genuine or not, the steep ascent up to the looming ship felt like a trapeze walk over a pit of fire. The tension in the Jumper was palpable; it didn’t help that no one said a word. Even Rodney just stared straight on, occasionally fidgeting with his vest or his weapon.

Finally, when it seemed like no one could stand it anymore, John said. “You guys remain in the jumper until I-“

“No way,” Ronan said, audibly shifting.

The next words died in John’s throat to the feeling of gratitude that swirled in his stomach.

They entered the dart bay before Astra by a good several seconds. Woolsey had let Kenny know others would be joining, but it was still wise to hold off on that until he spoke to John.

Who Kenny didn’t know was coming

In case he turned around.

So…

When John stepped out, he was met with the ends of several stunners, and a very displeased-looking Wraith. His scowl warped even the three lines bellow his eyes, and he stared at John with a mix of shock, furry, and confusion. “Where is the Commander?” he demanded, the drones with Weapons moving closer.

John snapped his hand up in an order for Ronan to stand down. All he heard was the switching of his weapon to stun, and he guessed he couldn’t argue with that.

“Answer me,” Kenny demanded, snarling.

“I don’t know,” John said through clenched teeth. “We got separated.”

Kenny looked like he didn’t believe him. He raised his right palm and John was sure he was dead when he heard a voice say, “He is telling the truth.”

Astra came around, ignoring the drones in favor of regarding Kenny, looking him up and down with a curious dissatisfaction.

“Wraith?” Kenny’s brow ridge shot up. “The others are Wraith?”

The jewels in Astra’s hair shimmered when he tilted his chin up. “I am Astrara, or Astra. Starlit-Path, by the mind. I do not recognize you, but you must be loyal to him to come all the way here.”

“Astrara…” Kenny mumbled, his gaze going glossy for a few moments. He perked up though, eyes shining in recognition. “You are the Commander’s trusted apprentice?”

Astra spared a laugh. “A long time ago, yes.”

Kenny’s demeanor changed at once, he ordered his guards to stand down before crossing his left palm over his heart. “I am Bonewhite, the Commander’s second in command, welcome aboard the ship.”

Astra beamed. He motioned and the rest of his jumper came out one by one. Kenny, or Bonewhite apparently, looked mildly shocked, until he saw Mirage. His next words were dripping with awe, “You must be Mirage, I have heard much about you as well.”

She grinned at him, stepping in front of even Astra to greet him. “It's nice to meet more friends of Dara’s.”

John was itching to get on with it, but he kept his mouth shut and let the Wraith do their thing.

“Dara…” Bonewhite mumbled, eying her with perhaps an even stronger look of awe. “He told me you were got him through his time with the Genii. He will be most pleased to-“ as if realizing what company he was in, Bonewhite cut himself off and screwed a scowl back on his face. His gaze snapped to John and he suddenly looked murderous again. “Did you leave him?”

Guilt crushed John’s chest, leaving him breathless.

“No,” Mirage said evenly, “we were on our way to pick both of them up, but we got there too late.” She seemed to shrink in on herself, even Astra’s hand in hers didn’t help. It was several seconds before she continued, grief-stricken. “He was running, clearly afraid and clearly injured, towards one of my people’s Stargates. We grabbed him without a second thought and went to find Dara, but he was…gone…” her hand clenched around Astra’s. Yet, there was some relief in her voice when she talked about finding John, as if it had meant something to her when it happened and not just after she found out he knew Todd.

“But he was running?” Bonwhite criticized

“Todd made me,” John could finally say, “he’s fucking scary when he's…well…” he coughed, surely blushing. “I was delusional from blood loss and infection. He pulled his shirt up a little to show the scar. “I busted my side open when we escaped from the first Hive.”

Bonewhite didn’t look satisfied with this answer, but he seemed to at least accept that talking about it further would just waste time because he said, “You will all come with me.”

John waited until they had walked for a while before he joined Bonewhite on his left and said, “We weren’t trying to deceive you, but Woolsey wouldn’t-“

‘It matters not,” Bonewhite cut him off. “You are here, and we have wasted enough time already. We will depart at once for…” he paused, then fell back to converse with Astra. “First Light mentioned a  ‘Queen of Two Moons.’ Do you know her?

He saw Astra wince and made a mental note to ask him about it after Todd’s location was gleaned. “I do,” he lowered his voice, but John could still hear. “But we are newly back to the Galaxy, I would not be able to find her even if she is still alive.”

Bonewhite growled at that, eyes sliding to John. “You bear the scent of connection, perhaps you-“

John tripped over his own feet, going beat red at the accusation. “It’s not-“

“There is no time for games, human.” Bonewhite snapped, “Do you or do you not have a way to reach him?”

“No- yes!” It was John’s turn to come in close and lower his voice. “Teyla and I need some time alone, but I can get you your answer.”

Bonewhite looked skeptical but nodded anyways.

John felt only relief, and maybe that was what prompted him to say, “I didn’t know you two were so close.”

Bonewhite’s curled back in disgust “That you could know or claim to know anything is ludicrous.”

He gulped but stood his ground. “It was a long week, I might know more than you think.”

Bonewhite just chuckled in such a way that John felt like a child. The Wraith stopped walking then, and the rest of everyone followed. “My drones will show you to your rooms. The bridge is only a few steps from here should you need me for anything.” His eyes lingered on John. “When the Commander has been found I will notify the Hive, you will hear.”

“I would like to stay with you,” Astra asked, “Perhaps I can remember something useful.”

Bonewhite looked like he would like nothing more. The two went off, leaving the humans and half-humans alone with a few drones. Maybe that would have made John nervous in the past, but now all he felt was a sense of relief. They were finally on the way.

Now, all he had to do was give them a destination.

 

 

Todd

 

They would find him soon; this was a horrible hiding spot. Horrible, and suffocating. The space was meant for a human, not two grown Wraith, and the tight walls seemed to get smaller and smaller around him the longer he kept himself inside.

Sticky with leftover webbing, dark, and obscuring, Todd’s hiding spot was more like a prison. The pressure from Lewy on top of him wasn’t helping much either.

Nor was the knowledge Lewy had shared.

Todd replayed the memory of finding out Lewy’s Hive was gone over and over again. He couldn’t stop. The walls only got tighter each time he recalled the surge of agony in Lewy’s gut, or the overwhelming grief of an entire network of mind being ripped away.

He didn’t notice how hard he was breathing, or how much he was shaking. He didn’t notice the buzzing in his brain. Nothing here or within felt…real. Not like it had before.

Even three feet above his body, he’d felt alive. Now it was like he could reach out into the Hive and find nothing but the chilling vacuum of space.

Was this the end? If he could not bring himself to carry on, then it must be.

Todd had fought so hard for so long. To survive to eat, to stay sane. Not just in Acastus’s cell, but his whole life. From the moment the first Hive had blown, to now, life had been a constant battle to keep on going.

He didn’t have any fight left. What little he’d had before had died minutes ago.

So he was trapped in this little cocoon, waiting for a Wraith to find him and drag him to Two Moons. She’d probably kill him instantly, but even if she asked for the location, he was dead. He wouldn’t give it, not even now.

For all his faults, he still loved them with a fire that burned brighter and stronger than hunger. His heart leaped out for Sheppard, and now he missed the constant pressure on his mind. Where was the human? Where had he gone?

Todd almost wanted to reach out, but something deep within him held him back.

~

Every time Lewy stirred Todd stunned him. He knew he should kill the Wraith but, he couldn’t bring himself to without knowing if he’d need him.

Or maybe he just wasn’t ready to accept that Lewy had betrayed him. Out of all the Wraith he knew, he had suspected Lewy the least.

Maybe he was just too trusting, or too fucked up to see anything clearly anymore.

His arm brushed the side of the cocoon and his breath hitched. Involuntarily, he knocked his head back and when it hit the wall he hissed, lurching forward so far that he almost knocked Lewy out.

The urge to stretch his limbs out to guarantee his freedom to move burned so strongly that it almost engulfed him. He had to grind his heels into the bottom of the cocoon to keep from twitching. He’d only find wall if he moved, and the wall would hurt.

The wall would be electric, and when he touched it needles would race up his arms and legs. The pain would rush to the center of his head. He’d taste blood in his mouth, down his nose, out his ears. Even now, between his eyes, a painful weight formed.

He wouldn’t be able to escape no matter how hard he fought or screamed or clawed. So he’d just take it. And when he was bent and beaten and bloody and immobile, they’d take his dignity.

He could almost feel their hands on him – how it felt to be unable to protect any single part of his body.

The weight turned to a spike which ground deep between his eyes, obscuring his vision. Any sound muddled, then fizzled, then rang in uneven high-pitched tones.

He shook his head from to side, trying to shake the sound out but it only grew to engulf the space around him.

He had to get out of here.

Although the exit was blocked with thick iron bars, he pushed through them like old webbing, tripping over the body in his hands and crashing to the floor.

Panic raced up his spine, compelling him to lift the heavy weight over his shoulders and break into a run down a stone hallway.

Dark, stiff, stale. Genii.

Was this his chance to finally be free?

Completely lost to himself, Todd stumbled down a Hive walkway he couldn’t see.

~

Todd collapsed when his legs turned to nothing. He fell with his hands out and hit the floor with a jolt, a breathless scream.

He dug his fingers into the floor and found soft Hive material instead of stone.

His attack had carried him far before the edges of reality had crept back in. slowly at first, the floor and walls had turned that deep purple color he loved. Next had been the scents and last the sense of urgency. Well, maybe that stayed.

He might have moved, but Todd had no idea in what direction. He could be close to the cells, or the throne room, or maybe even the dart bay, but he couldn’t tell just from looking. He also had no idea how long he’d been out of it, so he could possibly be nearer to the tail end, or the front.

His best guess was somewhere in the middle still, but he didn’t know which way was forward, backward, left, or right. He’d lost his sense of place and had no one near him to ask.

Nor could he tap into the Hive’s energy and trust it to point the way. It would sooner lead him into the mouth of the main engine than betray its Queen.

Defeated, and in desperate need of a break, Todd rolled over to slump against the wall, Lewy next to him.

Maybe he’d gotten lucky and was in an unpopulated place where no one would come. Or maybe tens of officers and drones were coming; he wouldn’t be able to fight them all, and he was too exhausted to run, so he just stayed in the hallway and waited.

~

Somewhere between closing his eyes and remaining still, Todd dozed off. He hadn’t meant to, but the strain of the last few hours overtook him and he drifted, unaware, into a complete blackout.

This dream was different than the others. Each and every one before this had been a mirage of different terrors and polluted with the memory of pain. If he was lucky enough not to dream, then he did not recall the sleep at all. There was no peace in closing his eyes and no escape. Not usually, anyways.

This dream happened not in a Genii bunker or an ancient throne room, but a moonlit clearing overlooking a rippling pond. The dirt and grass beneath him were surrounded by a thick tree line. There was no telling how far the forest went out if it ever even stopped. It was open and exposing, but Todd felt safe for the first time in a long while. Even the stargate, rippling with its fascinating wormhole, could not deter him from enjoying the rich scent of earth, and the coolness of the breeze.

He closed his eyes to the world and inhaled deep and slow, letting his muscles relax one by one. What a pleasant place…

“I was wondering when you’d show up.” The most handsome voice in the world said to him, it’s cocky lit like bells or smooth drums.

Todd opened his eyes to meet Sheppard’s green ones, glowing in the night like they had those years ago…

Ah

Todd chuckled through a grin; this was the place Sheppard had brought him after Acastus. It was the place he had waited for FirstLight to retrieve him, where he had marveled at the true, and wonderful sensation of finally being free.

When he spoke, it was with a rumble, “Have you been waiting long?”

“Years,” Sheppard said with a hint of sadness. He stretched out his hand, his pale palm inviting, and gave Todd a smile that felt more ghost-like than anything else.

Todd didn’t take it right away. He didn’t trust that contact wouldn’t turn to punishment, that his mind wouldn’t turn this gorgeous landscape into a personal hell. “Friend or foe?” He asked Sheppard and hated it.

Sheppard didn’t drop his hand. “Figment.”

“Ah.” Todd ran his hands down the black leather coat he wore and said, “One last attempt to get me on your side?” he wasn’t annoyed to have been tricked; it was still a lovely dream.

The figments smile was kind. “If you died then the version of me which has been waiting, he will die too.”

“He will live on.” But even as he said it, he didn’t believe it. A pressure started in his head, one that called him to tell the truth.

But what was the truth? The figment pressed its lips together; Todd was struck with the memory of kissing them, and he had to hold himself back from coming closer.

“He will,” the Wraith insisted. ‘We were not lovers, I did not taste him for more than a moment.” The pressure grew, becoming something slightly more solid; it was almost like…

“I think you will find you have been lovers since you met.” Its voice was somehow softer, somehow smoother. It was as if it felt Todd’s desire as his own

But his pretty words didn’t soften the blow. Todd’s stomach twisted with pain; he withdrew from where he stood until the figment could no longer touch him.

Deep in his body though, the feeling of Sheppard engulfed him. It did not burn like a fire, or sting like little needles. It embraced, it held, and it engulfed him. Todd shook his body, but he could not shake the feeling of limbs around him, of a handsome laugh and twinkling smile. It was love, really. How had it reached him here?

“You refuse only because you can’t face it.” The figment said, its face hard with something close to anger.

The pressure spiked to a pounding, overwhelming desperation which had Todd stumbling back even as it faded. A clear pain and frustration had been in there, a confusion on why Todd wouldn’t just trust.

“It’s him, you know it is.” The figment insisted, “and you know what he’s asking.”

Now Todd was angry, and not at being tricked but because the figment had a point. Here in the dream world, that understanding was less avoidable than before.

Had he not called on John Sheppard before? And had the male not answered? And why, after the time they had shared, would now be any different?

There was an answer, of course, but not one Todd could admit, not even in this dream state. Besides, the pounding had turned to a roar, and Todd didn’t know whether it was his own desperation or Sheppard’s making the most noise.

The figment held his hand out once more, that kind smile back on his face. “Whether you deserve it or not clearly doesn’t matter, does it? You want it, yes? So go get it.”

“But I-“

“Go get it, Todd. The human doesn’t care about the Attero device, or whatever color’s your past. He only cares about you.”

The call grew too much, and before Todd could argue, he was awake.

~

He awoke not to pain, or terror. Not to sweat or blackness or screaming. Not to the crushing admission that he wasn’t worthy of the love he desired, but to those overwhelming sensations that all told him he did.

It curled around his mind, shivered over his limbs, held his heart. He gasped at it, eyes snapping open to the empty hall he’d fallen asleep in, a knocked-out Lewy at his side.

But none of that mattered more than the total and complete adoration coming from Sheppard’s mind. It was different than all the other times, though. Here there was no effort to push, only to hold. Todd did not have to raise his walls so high, Sheppard wasn’t trying to climb them.

And maybe it was the figments words, or maybe it was because Todd sat alone in a hostile Hive, or maybe, just maybe, it was that Sheppard’s projection was so strong, so honest, that Todd let himself believe, if only just for a few seconds, that he could be saved.

He lowered his defenses.

 

 

John

 

John was just about to give up when something shifted. The wall he gently pressed against vanished as if had never been there in the first place. He stumbled, somehow, into the thing he’d been trying to get at, leaving Teyla at the entrance. Instantly, gentle hands wrapped around him and pulled his mind forward.

There was darkness, then there was everything at once. Anger, terror, boredom, excitement, joy, disgust, love, and every other emotion that Todd could feel, had felt, or would feel it seemed like, hit John in the face and blinded him with their light. He didn’t close his eyes though, lest he miss what he had been aching for.

It wasn’t until the space around him was completely covered in emotion that the light faded and centered. It pulsed, contracted, and ebbed until it formed the outline of a man, no a Wraith.

With a blink, Todd stood there in the middle of everything, looking absolutely floored to be where he was.

For a moment, all John wanted to do was run to him and wrap his arms around Todd – the real Todd, but he resisted. Why? Because what hit him next was something so angry it was almost hateful. It was coming from himself too; it was John’s own frustration multiplied by infinity.

‘Sheppard,’ the Wraith breathed in awe.

John flinched at the sound of that voice. Buttery, tender, handsome…Todd loved him, it was so clear just from the sound of his name on the Wraith’s lips. Yet it made him angrier than he had ever been to hear it.

The Colonel had planned on saying something sweet, something loving; instead, all John could hiss was, “Where the fuck are you?” he dug his nails into the skin of his palms to control his rage.

He expected an explanation, or more likely a deflection. John did not expect what came at him.

It was like when they had shared in the cell, or ten times more vivid. The scene around him was gone in an instant, John transported with it to a much darker place.

Bindings on his hands, the laughter of someone so dear and so lost to him that he didn’t know how to feel. The sensation of being fed on and forced to take it back reminding him of so many other times which were worse, or better, or worse. There was pain, but more importantly mental anguish.

 He didn’t know what to do or how to act. He didn’t know why every slight movement reminded him of being in a completely different cell. He didn’t know why memories of that place came so strong when no one was touching him except in the completely normal way Wraith did.

There was the joy of being comforted and the despair of knowing it wasn’t real. There was the overwhelming desire to reach out and yet the inability to for reasons that…

No. Neither Todd nor John could look at that thought too closely.

He wanted family, he wanted connection. He knew he could reach it if he tried, but he didn’t try. There were memories from youth with faces he loved so deeply that he couldn’t put it into words. There were also memories of events which seemed like torture to recall.

And there was this…thing…this self-hatred. It started small and steadily grew throughout the entire experience. What was once a tolerable kernel expanded to be a blinding ball of fire. Panic, anger, regret, and guilty were the emotions of this world he seemed to live in constantly. An inescapable prison growing to encapsulate his entire body.

The gut-wrenching feeling of giving up…

And then there was this, the present where the Queen wanted the location of Atlantis in order to destroy it, and where Todd had put his life on the line to keep it safe.

John was back in front of Todd before he could blink.

The Wraith looked at John like at any moment something could break. But that pitiful expression didn’t stop the rage. If anything, the experience Todd gave him had amplified it.

How dare he stand there and expect that John wouldn’t feel so helpless, so useless, and so angry that he’d want to scream. How dare the Wraith show him all that and expect anything but, ‘So you have been in trouble. And you what? We're just hopping I’d let you die?’ to come out of John’s mouth.

Todd shook his head, ‘I wanted you to let me go.’

The anger surged, this time entwined with sorrow. ‘That wasn’t going to fucking happen.’

Todd didn’t respond for long enough that the rage ebbed slightly, making space for a sliver of desire. John wanted to hug that fucking idiot; he resisted.

‘I see that now,’ Todd replied gently, hands brushing the sides of his thighs. John bristled and he jumped back in with, ‘I do not know what else to say besides that. I am not myself with words these days.’ He paused. ‘I am…not myself at all these days, honestly.’

John flinched; a little more of the anger faded away.

Todd must have sensed that because he took a step forward. He was in touching range now.

John went back and forth for what felt like years before decided not to reach out. He couldn’t let it all be okay so easily. It so wasn’t okay. John’s heart had been ripped apart these past few days, it wasn’t going to be better with a few moments of honesty.

But there was hope. So, the Colonel moved on from his anger, if only for now. ‘How do we get you out of that place?’

The Wraith looked disappointed, but not for more than a moment. It was amazing actually the way his expression went from frightened to neutral, to…more like what John was used to seeing. A Commander, a Wraith in charge.

And what a relief it was for Todd to say, ‘I am obviously on a Hive…I do not know where I am in space, but there must be a way for us to meet.’

His eyebrows shot up, ‘You…want to meet?’

‘More than anything.’ Todd confirmed. John wasn’t sure if he’d spoken it, or if the admission had been unavoidable in the mind space they shared.

John grinned, nonetheless. ‘Is there a way to track the Hive?’

‘No,’ his shoulders slumped slightly. ‘The only way would be for me to find you, but that would require giving her the location of Atlantis. I will not risk that.’

‘No, neither will I,’ John confirmed, letting his pleasure at Todd’s loyalty show over their link. And with that came images of Mirage and Astra.

Todd stilled, his shock unmistakable, ‘You are with them…’ he whispered, ‘they came?’

John stumbled slightly under what felt like a surge of energy, of life and love. He didn’t need to verbally answer, Todd knew.

‘They came,” the Wraith repeated. “And they truly are still alive?’ Across their link, Todd sent hope, pain, and worry, and the desire to have a family again. As each emotion rushed through him, John got a better and better sense of just how much everyone meant to each other. These weren’t just Todd’s friends, they were his Hive.

‘Hive,” Todd said, a gentle smile on his face. ‘You understand.’

‘I…I do,’ he returned the look. ‘So it really has been ten thousand years then?’

Todd touched his right hand to his forehead, then drew it back to look at his pale hand. ‘It has been,’ he began, still whispering, ‘an eternity. I did believe them dead…and I did believe…’

‘That you were alone.’ John finished for him.

Todd just nodded. For a moment, it looked like he might elaborate; but then his Commander persona was back on and he spoke. ‘So, you have a ship? The Daedalus?’

John didn’t let himself dwell on the moment; they would have time for that later. He shook his head. ‘A Wraith named FirstLight-‘

‘FirstLight knows I am here?’ Todd basically snarled; a wave of anxiety so strong that it knocked John back hit him. ‘Is he with you?’

‘No,’ John answered quickly, ‘He sent Ken- Bonewhite…ah,’ he shoved his hands in his pockets, ‘Did you want him to be?’

“Gods no, Sheppard.’

John couldn’t help but smile a little at that. ‘Daddy issues.’ He mumbled, and when Todd shot him a questioning look he just shrugged it off. ‘So what’s the plan?’ as much as he wanted to talk to Todd about this all, get some answers, they did have time for that right now.

‘Until now, it was to escape via a Fighter and…go somewhere…’ Todd bit his lip, ‘But I might just have another one. You are in a ship with a hyperdrive, of course.’

‘Mmhm, a Cruiser.’

‘Excellent.’ Todd’s face came to life again and John could feel the plan being formed. ‘Tell me, what is a planet you considered bringing Atlantis to hide it?’

John got it in an instant, Todd didn’t even need to share the plan mentally. “M4X-265”

Todd grinned, and a surge of love flooded their link. Heat raced up John’s face and he didn’t attempt to hide it.

If Todd noticed the change, he didn’t dwell on it, and John was thankful for that. He didn’t want to confess his feelings for the Wraith in his head. He wanted to be below him, naked and-‘

‘I will give the Queen that location,’ Todd mercifully interrupted, ‘And you will meet me there.’

‘And destroy the Hive?’

‘By any means necessary, Sheppard.’ But there was some hesitation in his words.

John called him out on it by raising an eyebrow.

‘By any means necessary,’ he repeated nonetheless, ‘It is better for everyone if this Hive is wiped from existence.’

John considered his next words for a long moment. He played with different variations of “bullshit” or “spit it out” before settling on, “We’ll take the Queen alive.’

He had seen her in Todd's memories, felt the things they shared. John knew a first love when he saw one, and he understood.

Todd visibly relaxed. He opened his mouth to launch into an explanation, but John held up a hand.

‘I’m gonna tell you to shut up, but only until we’re together again. Then…’ he swallowed the nervous lump in his throat, ‘We’re having a conversation or two, okay?’

‘Any you want,’ Todd breathed, the full force of his love coming back, ‘Anything I owe.’

Again, John was called to reach out, to touch him. This time though, he did. It was simple, just a reach forward, but Todd met it, and the fingers of their right and left hands intertwined. Even in this head-space, the contact sent sparks from John’s fingers to his toes. He gasped, tightening the grip reflexively.

Todd purred, the sound buzzed in John’s brain.

He couldn’t speak for a while, the urge to kiss Todd was so strong that if he opened his mouth he might do it. But finally, he was able to say, ‘I-I’m holding you to that…’ then he immediately snapped his teeth shut to keep from cursing when Todd brushed his thumb down the side of their conjoined hands.

‘Hold me too much, much more, Sheppard.’ Todd dipped his head, and before John could realize what was happening, the Wraith placed a gentle kiss on his hand.

John’s heart lurched. Words gathered in his gut and tunneled up, tearing at his throat, jaw, and lips, screaming to get out. He could stop them, he didn’t want to stop them, ‘I love-‘

‘Someone coming,’ Todd snapped in surprise. He gave Sheppard one last glance so full of adoration that anything but them melted away.

The next moment he was back on Kenny’s Hive, sobbing.

 

 

Todd – at the same time

Instantly, the scene around Todd faded into nothing. For a few seconds, all sensation stopped. Then, the brightest light imaginable exploded all around him. It slammed him like a solar wind, stripping him atom by atom of all the loneliness, the anguish, the fear. It was bright and so much that he closed his eyes against it. When he opened them, Sheppard, the real Sheppard, stood before him.

Real, not in the flesh, but real.

‘Sheppard,’ he barely choked out. Todd didn’t know what to feel, he felt everything.

Sheppard didn’t look much better. His green eyes were swirling with rage, his mouth pulled tight into some strange mix of anger and joy, his body ridge to keep from reacting. ‘Where the fuck are you?’ He snapped, fists clenching.

Guilt wrapped Todd’s heart and crushed it. He wanted to speak, but he couldn’t. He wanted to run to the male, but he was rooted in place. So, Todd did the next best thing and sent Sheppard a demonstration of the past few days, hoping it would calm the human’s very apparent desire to strangle him.

The waiting was agony, as was watching Sheppard’s face go from rage to resentment, to despair. ‘So you have been in trouble,’ he spat, fists clenched. “And you what? Were just hopping I’d let you die?’

Todd shook his head, ‘I wanted you to let me go.’ That wasn’t going to fly though. Todd knew that. 

Sure enough, the anger returned, this time entwined with sorrow. ‘That wasn’t going to fucking happen.’

And he was so handsome and so angry and so…scorned, that Todd was left wordless. He searched for an excuse that would make Sheppard see why blocking him out had been the right thing to do. He found nothing.

They stared at each other, both having no idea what to say, until Todd felt a shift in Sheppard’s anger. That gentle relief allowed him to mumble, ‘I…see that now.” His hands brushed the sides of his thighs anxiously. Would it be enough?

No, because Sheppard bristled, forcing Todd to elaborate, somewhat unwillingly with, ‘I do not know what else to say besides that. I am not myself with words these days.’ He hoped that Sheppard would understand, especially when he admitted, ‘I am…not myself at all these days, honestly.’

Sheppard flinched, though he did not look so enraged anymore.

Could that have helped? Todd took a risk in stepping forward, he knew that, but he felt he had to to show how badly he wanted this all to be over.

It tore his heart in half that Sheppard did not meet his step, did not reach out a hand the way he had so many times before. For a moment, a terrible fear wracked him; could he have lost the love of his life? Could he have-

No. For if he had, John Sheppard would not be here speaking to him. He would have given up. He would not do what he always did and help Todd out despite his anger, his mistrust. The fact that he was here, albeit pissed, but here, meant that there was still a chance to win back his friendship.

‘How do we get you out of that place?’ Sheppard asked as if he had read the thoughts Todd was actively trying to conceal from their link.

The Wraith’s heart soared, his stomach lurched, and then swarmed. A pure wave of delight left him nearly breathless, as did his narrowly successful effort to block it as well from Sheppard’s perception. They would talk about all these feelings, but not now. Now was the time for escape and reuniting.

‘I am obviously on a Hive.’ He said once he had gathered himself enough to speak, ‘I do not know where I am in space, but there must be a way for us to meet.’

Sheppard’s brows shot up. ‘You…want to meet?’ His surprise – and joy – were palpable.

‘More than anything.’ Todd hadn’t meant to say it out loud, but the words had basically been ripped right from his body. To be dishonest or concealing in the mind-space was not so easy to pull off.

Sheppard’s grin made it worth it. ‘Is there a way to track the Hive?’

‘No,’ his shoulders slumped slightly. ‘The only way would be for me to find you, but that would require giving her the location of Atlantis. I will not risk that.’

‘No, neither will I,’ Sheppard confirmed, letting his pleasure at Todd’s loyalty show over their link.

Todd was just about to tell his love that he would die to protect the secret of the city when something hit him.

It was memories;

He woke up among strangers. He heard their voices first, then slowly their faces formed, but they were still strange to him. Not his team, not his home, not-

This woman before him was so familiar yet he could not place why. She reminded him of family, of safety, and whenever she was around he felt calm in a way he hadn’t since his birth mother had died.

But then there was stress, there was longing, there was anger. Despite the familiar, these faces were still ones he could not trust. Yes, they knew Todd, but John did not know them. Even more, they could not help him. Oh, they tried, oh they wanted to, but there was too much in the way.

Their anguish was so strong that it was felt as his own. And, of course they were anguished; These were Todd’s friends, his family even. They knew him in a way Sheppard could only hope to one day.

Then they-

Mirage and Astra were back! Todd yanked himself from the memory before it became too much. He could already feel the grief, the pain, and agony of losing them rising to the surface. If he did not speak now, he feared he might break forever. “You…are with them…’ he whispered, voice on the verge of being overcome, ‘they came?’

They came, the confirmation was clear as space across the link. And not only did they come but they were coming.

‘They came,” the Wraith repeated because he still couldn’t believe it. Of all his treasured fantasies this was the sweetest. ‘And they truly are still alive?’ To have his family back- no his Hive back…it was too much. He hoped Sheppard would understand he-

And then Sheppard did. He listened to the torrent and picked out the right words. In his head, he saw through Todd’s eyes.

Hive.

‘Hive,” A gentle smile spread Todd’s his face, ‘You understand.’

‘I…I do,’ Sheppard said even though he didn’t have to. He returned the look, but something about it was slightly sad. A moment later he asked, ‘So it really has been ten thousand years then?’

Todd touched his right hand to his forehead, then drew it back to look at his pale hand. Wraith did not age like humans, but Todd could remember a time when his skin was smoother, his soul brighter. The years piled on him like asteroids; he felt bent, and old. ‘It has been,’ he began, still whispering, ‘an eternity.’ A lump was forming in his throat. ‘I did believe them dead…and I did believe…’

He couldn’t say it, Sheppard did; ‘that you were alone.’

Todd nodded. The lump grew and he knew that if he didn’t move on, he never would. ‘So, you have a ship?’ he asked, ‘The Daedalus?’ Surely it would have to be the Daedalus.

Sheppard denied that certainty, ‘A Wraith named FirstLight-‘

The lump turned to lead and slammed down to the bottom of Todd’s stomach. ‘FirstLight knows I am here?’ He basically snarled. He should not be, he could not be. Oh gods, what if he was? The Wraith didn’t want his mentor to see him so broken again-

‘No,’ Sheppard answered, stopping the panic before it became unstoppable. ‘He sent Ken- Bonewhite…”

Todd grimaced. Though he was immensely grateful for Bonewhite’s quick thinking, and FirstLight’s generosity, was still not good that his mentor had anything to do with this. It was humiliating, actually.

Sheppard didn’t exactly pick up on that though. “Ah…” he said, ‘did you want him to be?’ He shoved his hands in his pockets like a Wraithling caught doing something bad.

“Gods no, Sheppard.’ Todd answered to calm his friend. It calmed him too. FirstLight would not see him with wild eyes again, FirstLight would not watch him in the aftermath of all this.

John grinned. He said something indiscernible but, instead of answering for it, he shrugged and returned to the pressing point of rescue. ‘So, what’s the plan?’

Asadente. The embarrassment came back full force. ‘Until now, it was to escape via a Fighter and…go somewhere…’ He bit his lip. It sounded very stupid out loud, just like the figment had said.

So that fake Sheppard had had a point after all. Though it loathed Todd to admit, asking Sheppard for help had been the only way to drag himself out of his misery. What else might the thing have been right about, he wondered. What would it say if it was here now?

Todd reached into the back of his mind, contemplating what might work to bring the two together again.

There weren’t many options, actually. Truthfully, there were only two; escape on his own, or bring the Hive to Sheppard like Acastus had- oh

Todd grinned at his own genius. ‘I might just have another one. You are in a ship with a hyperdrive, of course.’

‘Mmhm, a Cruiser.’

If they couldn’t find each other, then they’d just have to meet.

‘Excellent. Tell me, what is a planet you considered bringing Atlantis to hide it?’

‘M4X-265’

Todd grinned. He loved this human and his quick thinking, his intelligent mind. He loved-

Something bloomed between them. Something Sheppard wanted hidden, grew.

‘I will give the Queen that location,’ Todd interrupted partly for Sheppard’s sake and partly because he himself was not ready to hear what he knew would have been said. ‘And you will meet me there.’

‘And destroy the Hive?’

‘By any means necessary, Sheppard.’ But the answer was no. Todd just couldn’t admit that he didn’t want Two Moons dead. Not after what Lewy had shown him.

Sheppard called him out on it by raising an eyebrow.

‘By any means necessary,’ the Wraith repeated nonetheless, ‘It is better for everyone if this Hive is wiped from existence.’ It would be better, just not for Todd.

Sheppard was quiet for a moment, but Todd knew he was figuring it out. ‘We’ll take the Queen alive.’ He said at last.

Relief flooded him, then panic because by gods that looked bad. He opened his mouth to explain but Sheppard held up a hand.

‘I’m gonna tell you to shut up.’ The love of his life told him, ‘But only until we’re together again. Then…” He looked very uncomfortable, “We’re having a conversation or two, okay?’

Yes, absolutely; Todd would do anything to keep the male. Just the fact that Sheppard wanted to talk brought brilliant hope. “Any you want.’ He hoped Sheppard could feel his admiration. ‘Any I owe.’

Perhaps those were the right words because, after a moment’s hesitation, Sheppard reached out his right hand. Todd met it without a second thought and their fingers intertwined. The touch was electric, breathtaking. Todd’s whole body flooded with the good kind of current and a purr erupted from his chest.

‘I-I’m holding you to that…’ came Sheppard’s sweet voice.

But that wasn’t good enough for Sheppard. No, Todd could offer so much more now that he was given the chance. ‘Hold me too much, much more, Sheppard.’ He said tenderly, dipping his head down to kiss the man’s soft skin.

It was the best confession Todd could give right now. He wanted Sheppard to understand that the breath of his love was wide, and its force incredible.

From across their link, something similar rushed. Todd felt it before the words formed. He knew what Sheppard would say.

And he loved him too.

That moment would have been perfect if Todd’s senses didn’t detect movement near his body. He ached to hear the words grace the air, but he had to pull away or he would never be able to hold Sheppard and say them back.

‘Someone’s coming.’ He snapped in anger, sending Sheppard all he could before they broke. 

~

It wasn’t easy to come back to himself, but the footsteps pounding ever closer compelled Todd to find another place to hide while he gathered his thoughts back.

Grabbing Lewy, he made a break for a hallway which would hopefully put some distance between him and his pursuers. Hopefully, there would be an alcove down the way, or the Wraith perusing him would not explore this one of three exits.

So far no alcove, but no footsteps either.

The run did help Todd to understand what he had to do next; see the Queen. Yeah, he’d have to make his way to her throne room and admit defeat. Then he’d have to hope she believed his ruse. If she didn’t then he was dead.

Todd didn’t want to die; not now when so many good things were in his reach again. Mirage, Astra, Sheppard…a Hive were just a few steps away. With Bonewhite leading the charge, and Sheppard ready to infiltrate the Hive to rescue him, Todd was as good as home.

If he could manage to convince a Queen who hated him to trust him after he’d killed at least ten of her Wraith and kidnapped her Commander.

Todd slowed once he ceased to hear footsteps; the Wraith must have gone off in another direction.

For good measure, he turned two more corners before stopping completely to contemplate the best way to go about this.

Option one was to let himself be captured and taken to her. That was the option which looked the most pathetic. Maybe she would believe he would give up if he was forced to…

No, that was above Todd. The Wraith had done a lot of shameful things to further his own survival, but getting caught by a group of Wraith was too far. Two Moons would never believe that after killing so many of her males, that Todd could possibly ever be caught.

He let Lewy’s limp body drop and slumped against the wall. He could sling him over his shoulder again and make his way to the center. With him alive, Todd might be able to convince the Queen he wanted to make amends.

But that wouldn’t work either. Todd was a Commander, and Lewy was the Wraith who had captured, beaten, and scorned him. A “peace offering” in the form of a hated adversary was no more believable than him suddenly admitting he wished to work with-

No, wait.

Todd could…Todd could do that one. It was much more like him to be an opportunist. She had even called him one ten-thousand years ago. What might be believable was also the most favorable option; kill Lewy and offer a deal. Kill Lewy because when Two Moons found out he was the Wraith who had exposed the network, she would wish him dead anyways. Todd knew Two Moons well enough to know that.

As for Todd, well…it was the most like him to offer a trade. In this case, the guarantee of his life for the coordinates of Atlantis.

It was something he would do. In fact, he had done a lot more to keep himself safe while under Acastus’s control. Two Moons knew how fiercely he cared for those he loved; it would be believable that he’d want to protect Sheppard.

He just had to play the part of the defeated male well enough that even a Queen who knew he didn’t bow to females would believe him.

It wasn’t an ideal plan, but it was the only plan which looked like anything other than a deception.

Which…brought him to the present, to Lewy.

The male was still knocked out cold. That meant he wouldn’t feel pain but…Todd shuddered, his gaze sliding down to his own feeding hand. It was dishonorable to kill anyone while they slept.

He remembered another time when he had been faced with this very decision.

Acastus had been sleeping. It was a deep sleep, one he only fell into after taking his fill of his Wraith prisoner.

The Wraith lay next to him, counting the seconds since pass out in his mind.

It usually took Acastus ten minutes to become unwalkable for the better part of the night. The Wraith knew that because each night, after ten agonizing minutes of breathing shallowly in the bed, he would sneak off to purge himself of the memories, the sensation of skin on skin.

He hated touching the male but sleeping with him willingly was the only way to ensure he wasn’t raped or sent back to the prison cell he loathed so much. These were the things he had to do to survive, and he did them well.

Not anymore though. Just that morning, word had come from the Genii planet that the Lantians had returned. Until now, there had been no reason to risk running. The bunker was well guarded, and the Wraith’s plan – the one which had created an alliance between his previous Hive and the Genii for nearly six years – was strong.

The Wraith had provided the Genii with defense technology in exchange for the lives of Genii criminals. If allowed to go on for longer, the agreement would have let the Wraith’s former Hive avoid hibernation or the hassle of culling. They had been able to lay claim to a portion of the galaxy which was more valuable than most things A Queen with territory was respected, was strong. This Wraith had brought his former Queen that, and for his troubles, he had earned a momentary reprieve from prison life.

It had been going well until his kind had woken in larger numbers than they had since the war. Scared of being discovered to be breaking laws of their kind that this Wraith himself had been the catalyst for, his former Hive fled without a word, taking most of the technology they shared, with them.

That’s when the Wraith had first started planning his escape. The alliance had given him a reason to stay, a purpose (he had headed it), and usefulness. Now he was back to being a glorified slave for the cruelest male in the universe.

Finding out the Lantians had come had made him desperate. For ten thousand years he’d awaited their return, hoping to be one of the first faces they ever saw in the Pegasus Galaxy. 

Thanks to Acastus, that could not be, but he could still make it to them before they saw much more of the Galaxy.

It had been his own stupidity that had gotten him trapped in that bunker for another two years.

When the Wraith slid off the bed and paced around it, he had every intent to kill Acastus. He retrieved the key to his hand cover from around Acastus’s neck and unlocked his ultimate weapon. Then he dropped the cover to the floor and crushed it under his bare foot.

He’d done everything to make sure that he could feed without interruption, and then he had raised his hand to Acastus’s neck.

But he hadn’t been able to do it. For some reason, when he’d looked upon the sleeping male, instead of hate he only felt pity. Here was a human who had, just a year ago, professed his love for the prisoner he tortured. Here was a human who hadn’t been able to make a single good decision for himself, who had to have a Wraith negotiate alliances for him. Lastly, here was a human who the Wraith knew well.

However unwillingly, the two had come to know each other in the past eight years. Not surface-level things either. The Wraith Knew Acastus’s secrets, his hopes, and his dreams. He knew he wanted to lead the Genii, he knew he was planning a coup. He knew…well, life was strange, wasn’t it?

He could not understand it, but staring at the sleeping human brought the Wraith to the realization that he could not kill him. Oh, he loathed him, hated and despised him with every fiber of himself, but he did not want Acastus dead.

At least not by his hand. He would have gladly watched another Wraith tear Acastus to shreds, it just couldn’t be him.

He hadn’t been able to kill Acastus, and in the end, his escape had failed.

The key, the easy escape route, It had all been a trap – a test the Wraith had failed. The failure was awufl, but the not killing...now was his biggest regret of all.

Not again. Todd shook away the haunting memory and raise his feeding hand. He would not make the same stupid mistake again.

No matter how close he and Lewy had been, his emotions were useless if they endangered his life.

One day Todd would allow himself to think more closely about why he had let Acastus endear himself to him, but today was not that day.

Today he would kill Lewy for betraying not just him, but the people he loved.

Not allowing himself to dwell on it, Todd plunged his hand downward and took the life of the Wraith he had once called brother.

Notes:

Alright! An actual conversation between the romantic pairing!!!

Seriously though, thank you everyone for the comments and kudos, it means the world to me. Also hitting 5,000 on this was sort of like giving a kid free reign of a theme park so thanks for that too!

Chapter 19: Rescue Part 2

Summary:

As the rescue approaches, we see John allow himself a moment of respite while Todd, facing the Queen, is anything but relaxed.

Notes:

Ngl this part was my favorite to write

John

 

After John gathered himself back together again, he and Teyla went to tell Bonewhite the plan. It was only after he was alone, and they were on their way to the new planet that what had happened fully hit him.

Todd had answered his call. Not only that, he had basically told the human he wanted to see more of him. John blushed at the thought and ran his hands through his hair, tugging at the ends. He honestly couldn’t wait. Yeah, they had a fuck ton to talk about, but they also had a fuck ton to do.

That kiss, for instance, was simply not enough.

John was saved from further thoughts by Mirage bursting into the room and tackling him in a hug that nearly knocked him off his feet.

“Whoa!” John shouted, but he was grinning, his arms coming around hers.

“I knew you could do it!” Mirage exclaimed. “How did you do it?”

He shook his head, not wanting to get into that. He also pulled away from the hug because he’d hugged enough people for today and it was sort of getting to him. He could only take so much, and it all had to be reserved for grabbing Todd by the shirt and-

Mirage giggled lightly. “When do we arrive?”

His face grew dark with red, he barely sputtered out a “Less than half a day…”

“Will we be there on time?”

John blew out a breath, “I really hope so…” he hadn’t let that thought in much, it wasn’t something he could handle thinking about.

The harsh reality was that Todd could be closer to the planet than John. If that was the case, the Queen would most likely either kill him or take off into space with him still on board.

“Me too,” she said, taking his hand. “Would you like to join us for a meal?”

“U-Us?” he stammered, tensing his arm.

“The kids and Astra and I. And I think your friends Rodney and Teyla are there too.”

“No Ronan?” John joked, pulling his arm free.

She shrugged, her green eyes darting down for a split second. “I gather he doesn’t really like Wraith.”

“Not many do.”

“Then not much has changed.”

“No,” he commented quietly.

“Are you coming, then?” she smiled with kind eyes, and despite how awkward John knew it would be, he agreed.

~

A meal with a Wraith, four wraith-human hybrids, and a Lantian woman sounded more like the start of a joke than a real thing. Walking into the room provoked a sense of anxiety like what John had felt in his early days on Atlantis or his first days at Bootcamp. While nothing particularly bad ever happened with the people had had to make company with, more often than not John found himself dreading meeting new people and having first, second, and even third interactions with them. What was worse was that this was usually when his humor came out, which meant that the people he was meeting usually ended up wanting to meet him again.

Stupid act, stupid ability to socialize.

He loved his friends, he had hated making them.

John had meant it when he’d said he liked Antarctica; there was no one in Antarctica. It had been the perfect place for a person who was shitty with feelings.

Entering the room was weird enough, especially when he saw them all sitting around a table like a human family might. The head seat was empty probably for Mirage, with Astra to its left. There was an empty chair to her right and next to that was Teyla, then Rodney. The female Wraith sat next to Astra with the blonde one, the black-haired one, and then finally, Nexus.

When John sat down in the empty seat next to Teyla, his chair scraped along the Hive floor, confirming how much he regretted agreeing to this. Even if the food – mostly dried, or travel-friendly things, looked delicious.

Thankfully, his eyes met Rodney’s and he was reminded that there was another person here terrible at talking to people.

“Hey,” Rodney said around a bite of bread. “Try the bread, it’s delicious, for Wraith cooking.”

Nexus snorted, it was a strange sound coming from him. “Could you do better?”

“I said it was good-“

“Thank you,” the hybrid with black hair said, “I made it.”

“Hm,” Rodney drummed the table with his fingertips, “no problem uh…what’s your name?”

“Cadmus.”

“Calus, got it.”

“Cadmus actually…” But Rodney had already turned away to ask Teyla something benign.

John reached for a slice, only to be overtaken by the female’s hand. She didn’t seem to care, but she did notice him and she said, “John Sheppard right?” her hand snatched the slice he’d been eying, “I’m Estella.”

“Estella be nice.” Mirage scolded. Then she said to John in a hushed whisper still loud enough for the rest of the table to hear, “Sorry, she’s only two hundred.”

“Hah…” John just withdrew his hand and folded both of them on his lap.

“I’m two-hundred and five, actually.”

“Nearly a baby,” Cadmus corrected.

“I’m older than a human could ever be-“

“We all are, Estella,” the blond one teased, “It don’t mean shit.”

Then she stuck her tongue out at her brother and Cadmus grinned at Nexus as if this was all some sort of inside joke.

‘H-How old uh…is everyone?” John asked to break tension he was pretty sure only existed within him – as usual.

“Four thousand,” Cadmus answered, “And Blain is- two-“

“Three thousand,” the blonde one, Blain, cut in. You never remember I made it out of the twos.”

Cadus rolled his eyes, “Estella is the youngest, and Nexus is actually only a few decades younger than dad.”

“And mom,” Estella said, “you always forget mom.”

“He knows how old mom is, idiot. He’s her-“

“John,” Astra jumped in quickly, “Is there anything we all need to know about where Dara is? His position?”

A lump formed in John’s stomach, unhelped by the many pairs of glowing eyes now on him. Even Rodney had stopped eating. And what could John say? That Todd looked and felt like shit? That he was probably scared out of his mind and doing what he always did and pretending he was in control? And what would Astra, or Mirage for that matter have to say about that? They obviously knew the Queen; were they scared too? Would John telling them that things were rough just make everything worse?

“We weren’t able to talk much…” he said softly, scrunching the material of his BDUs between his fingers, “But he’s alive, and he has a plan.”

Astra nodded, taking that at what it was.

“The Queen of Two Moons,” Nexus said gently, proving that this family had a Hive Mind like all Wraith did, “You told me stories about her, right dad?”

Blain scoffed, “Oh yeah, Nexus gets stories but we get ‘You’ll know when you have to’ and, ‘we don’t want to bring back-‘ ow! Cadmus that side is still bruised you-“

All of them fell silent when Mirage snapped her hand against the table. She regarded them all with a stare so blazing that even John felt like apologizing to her. When she was satisfied her children would be quiet, she handed over control of the table to her mate.

Astra just chuckled, his bright eyes sweeping over his children, landing on Blain. “When you have lived as long as I, you will understand why the past must sometimes remain in the past.”

Nexus nodded ruefully, recognizably. John didn’t need to understand emotions to read the look of an older brother who fought tooth and nail to protect his younger siblings. Clearly, the stories had been a mistake to tell, clearly, he had made sure his sister and brothers could live their lives unburdened by war, and loss.

Based on the little he’d been told about it all, Nexus was right. But that still didn’t give him any insight into who the Queen of Two Moons was, or how she fit into the horrible story. John got a bad feeling he suspected might have to do with the reason Todd didn’t want to kill the Queen. He knew they had been lovers, that was clear…but what kind of lovers had they been?”

‘Near mates,’ Mirage answered mentally, ‘The Queen of Two Moons was dear to all of us…’ she got a glassy, sad expression, ‘We uh…we only told Nexus because he-‘

‘That’s okay,’ John answered, ‘I can ask Astra.”

She smiled warmly, a clear thank you, and turned her attention back to the table.

The children were conversing again, leaving John, Astra, Mirage and his friends to their own thoughts. Teyla was watching with a smile, though. Clearly she was imagining what it might be like to have a family like this. With Kanan back, it was certainly possible.

“I would like to talk to you after this is over,” Astra said to John, “and answer any questions you might have.”

“Sure,” John tried to sound casual, “Same here since you guys have been gone for so long and all.”

“Appreciated,” he dipped his head.

John spent the next few minutes sampling the board and discovering that Cadmus actually was a pretty good cook. His favorite thing, though, was a sweet squarish pasty that tasted distinctly like something he’d had before, but couldn’t place.

His last memory of the flavor connected to a walk around a duck pond; his birth mother’s hand in his, helping his three-year-old legs to walk along the uneven ground. That had been right before she’d died…

“She seems lovely,” Teyla leaned over to say softly to her friend. “I must admit this meal reminds me of my family too.”

John blinked the wetness out of his eyes and cleared his throat. “Uh…yeah…”’

She transitioned to the mind, ‘I lost my mother at a young age as well. It is difficult, sometimes, to recall her.’

‘I don’t usually,’ he admitted. ‘My stepmother was in my life from the time I was five. My dad and she even had my brother together, and I grew up calling her mom and everything…so I don’t know.’ He shrugged, trying to play it off, ‘This all just reminds me of her.’

Teyla shrugged as well, though she gave him a soft smile. ‘Treasure those memories for me?’

He just nodded, what else could he say?

~

After the mom incident, John tried to turn his attention out to the conversation. It was mostly mundane things, and the usual sibling bickering, (Blain and Estella were definitely a team against Cadmus when it came down to it), but it was sort of nice. No one asked him many questions or expected him to talk, so John found himself enjoying the company of others without worrying about making a good impression. He was pretty sure that was hopeless anyway considering he’d arrived on Astra’s Hive half dead and then had spent the three days there being extremely jumpy, unsociable, and unnerved. Double that when you added him basically calling Nexus and Cain a slur with his eyes. But the siblings seemed not to care much about any of that, so that was nice too.

Mostly he engaged with Rodney, when the scientist wasn’t busy discovering that Nexus had a knack for the scientific, and he shared looks with Teyla whenever Estella and Blain went at it.

Soon, John started to enjoy the meal. Something about it all was comforting. Like, even if his world was shifting from under his feet, there were still people to share a meal with. For the first time since he’d lost Todd, John felt a sense of normalcy. This was eating with his team, but also was seeing a side of Todd he desperately wanted to see.

Todd the Wraith had a fucking family, and that family was exactly like every other family ever.

When someone besides his friends did speak to him, it was to ask him about Atlantis, or how he liked the Galaxy.

“It’s a lot different from the Milk-thing,” Estella said after John had told her he greatly preferred Atlantis to Earth.

“The Milky Way?”

“Right, I knew it was something stupid. Anyways, Pegasus is much better.”

“Whys that?” John asked for the hell of it. Estella might be a lot older than him, but it was clear she was a teenager by Wraith standards; so he treated her like one and that seemed to work.

She shrugged, tossing her hair over the shoulder. “It’s dead quiet in the Milk thing, ya know? No,” she made a face, “you don’t really but try to imagine…” she spread her hands out on the table, revealing claws, “With Wraith there is constant noise and pressure; even if you aren’t connected to those Wraith you can still feel them. When we lived in the Milk thing, the only voices I heard were the ones of my Hive. That isn’t like, bad, but being here with so many Wraith around me just feels right? Ya know? Actually, you must know, cuz you like Atlantis better than Earth and that makes sense because-“

‘Yes, it is good to be back home,” Astra said, putting his fork down and then rising to his impressive height. “hopefully, Dara will be with us soon and we can truly enjoy it.” He looked at John pointedly. “Come with me?”

John didn’t really want to leave, but a chance to get some questions answered was simply too good to pass up.

~

“Do you have children?” Astra asked as they walked the halls back to the room Bonewhite had assigned him.

“Oh no,” John shook his head. “My ex-wife and I were always too busy to think about that. And I think I’d be a horrible father.”

Astra hummed. “I believed the same thing.”

“Yeah?” he snorted, “Well I don’t think it’ll happen for me now considering Todd and I are both guys.”

Astra chuckled. “No, probably not.”

They were silent for a minute before John asked. “Isn’t this all kinda…weird for you?”

“How so?”

“Well...Todd basically raised you, right? And here I am, younger than your daughter…”

Astra stopped at his door but didn’t open it. “Dara was, and hopefully still is, my closest friend. The Wraith Commander who raised me died shortly before we met, but I was already a ‘teenager’ as you might say. I assure you, John, that the only emotion I feel for you and him is joy. Dara deserves someone who loves him enough to do something like this.”

John blushed. “S-So really nothing paternal there?”

“Mentoral,” Astra corrected. “But that is an entirely different thing.”

“O-Okay…” John went into the room when Astra finally opened the door and stood in the middle of it until the Wraith offered him a seat.

Astra himself leaned back in his chair, spreading his fingers on the armrests and crossing one leg over the other. He regarded John kindly, waiting until the human was awkwardly settled on the end of his chair, to ask, “How is he really?”

“Huh?” John blinked, not quite back to himself from thoughts of Todd.

“Dara, how is he?” the Wraith’s eyes swirled with concern.

“Oh…” John fisted the fabric of his BDUs, “bad,” he whispered, “real bad.”

Astra sighed like he expected that, but had hoped the answer would be different. “I did think, but I had hoped the Queen would not get to him so much.”

“It’s not the Queen-“ John buy his own lip to keep himself from saying more, but Astra had already heard too much.

“What do you mean?”

John swallowed, his anxiety spiking. Todd had told him those things about Kolya in confidence and had shared his experience within the confines of their mental bond. The Colonel didn’t want to betray that trust or tell Astra something he shouldn’t know.

“John?” Astra insisted despite the sure look of unwillingness on the human’s face.

John cursed himself, then asked whatever god might be out there to keep him safe. “It’s private.”

Astra’s eyes darkened. “Private?”

“Yeah.” The Colonel crossed his arms over his chest. “Todd can tell ya, ain’t my story to spill.”

Astra’s lip curled up in a half snarl. He obviously wasn’t used to being denied.

John wasn’t afraid, though; he’d faced far scarier than a nearly human Wraith. Still, his hand did travel to his concealed firearm, just in case.

Astra’s eyes followed the movement, his lip curling back further until those scary-sharp teeth showed in full.

“Ask him yourself,” John said again, hand tingeing around his gun.

Astra’s face twitched, then in a flash, he effectively whipped the murder off his face. “Asasdente. I am sorry, John.” He rubbed the space bellow his sensory pits. “It’s difficult to not know when I used to know so much.” He touched his temple, “for Wraith, little is concealed. It is like that aboard my Hive, and it was like that with Dara.” He settled back in his chair, “but I admire your loyalty and tenacity, I won’t break them if that is what you want.”

John laughed nervously. “Uh…it’s fine…” but his hand stayed on his gun. He could empathize with Astra, he could, but that didn’t mean he trusted him. Not fully anyways.

He was Todd’s Hive after all; who knew what he would do to get the Wraith Commander back.

For that, John offered, “he’s just not himself, at least that’s what he said.” He relaxed his grip on his weapon when Astra reacted positively to that. “He’s been through hell I think, you know? And this…this Queen of Two Somethings isn’t helping whatever the problem is.”

“Two Moons,” Astra said darkly.

“Yeah,” John’s hand left the weapon but stayed ready to reach again. “Mirage said she was close to you all, and Todd all but admitted they’re exes.”

“That’s right,” Astra grunted softly, his gaze sliding out somewhere beyond John. “She was his greatest ally during the war. We all worked with her and her Hive closely. Consequently, she was hit the hardest when it all fell apart.”

“So, she’s out for revenge?”

“I would guess. Did Dara say anything about that?”

“Yep, the bitch wants the location of Atlantis.”

Astra snarled, but not at John. He mumbled something under his breath, then stood up to cross the room and look out a single window. John cared his neck around to watch.

The Wraith was silent for a long while before he said, “I should have known when the Wraith you call Lewy came to me. I should have seen it.”

“Hey, you didn’t-“

“I was there!” he whipped around, teeth bared, claws curled, “I saw it with my own eyes how things fell apart. I shouldn’t have believed it was anything other than a trap.”

“Because of Lewy?”

“You did not see him, John Sheppard. Our own Hive was destroyed by the Attero device. Our Queen, him, me, and a handful of spies were all who survived. I should have known, or thought to verify his loyalty…” Suddenly, he looked very sad. “I am new to this place, I fear. I don’t know it like I used to.”

John grimaced because yeah. He understood that better than he maybe should. Unfortunately, that meant it was time for him to try and comfort someone.

First, he walked over to Astra. When he was close enough to look into the Wraiths’ eyes, he said, nervously, “I get it.”

Astra looked up in confusion.

Deep breath, here goes nothing; “When I came to Atlantis, I helped wake up all the Wraith before I even knew what a Wraith was.” He didn’t let Astra’s shock phase him. “I fucked up, yeah, but beating myself up about it doesn’t do anything.”

“This was not your home-“

“No, but it is now.” He smiled when he said it. “Earth never felt like home to me; never. For thirty-four years I felt out of place. Coming to Atlantis, even in those early days, felt more right than anything. Thinking about what I did to this place is awful.” He shoved his hands in his pockets. ‘But we, my team and I, we move on, we try to fix shit and try not to die doing it. You get what I’m saying?”

Astra gave him a questioning look, then nodded, his lips turning up in a smile. “Yes, I can see why he fell for you.”

John let out a breath. He was both impressed and surprised at himself (and very much bushing at that comment). That kind of speech wasn’t something he’d ever do, certainly not to a stranger; someone thousands of years his senior no less. Maybe, if it was getting easier to open up to people, then this whole journey had some plus points.

He left Astra after that, not really thinking it appropriate to go on grilling the Wraith. On his way back to his team’s room, he bumped into Mirage who was carrying some leftover food back to her and Astra’s room.

“Hey,” John stopped her with a wave.

“How’d it go?” her face was bright.

John snorted, “I think the faster we find Todd, the better.”

She grimaced, understanding immediately. “We will, John. I know Dara, he will find us there.”

John nodded because it was all he could do. He had to hope the same.

 

 

Todd

 

He dumped Lewy at the Queen of Two Moon’s feet. Well, not literally. After draining him, Todd had pulled his corpse over his shoulders and started down one of the hallways that looked most like it would lead to the Throne Room.

He ignored the fact that he had killed one of his closest friends.

He strode down the misty floor, prize on his back, feeling shockingly more like himself than he had in a while.

This was stupid, this was rash, this was exactly what Todd did. For ten thousand years he’d survived on spur-of-the-moment decisions and quick thinking. Rarely ever did a plan so accordingly, and never was he afforded the luxury of guaranteed security. Maybe he was fucked up, but the Wraith felt better jumping into this insane plan of Sheppard’s and his than he did running for a Fighter

Because, and most importantly, Todd hated running. He would rather rot in a cell than run.

Desperation had driven him to that course, despite his subconscious telling him how unlike Todd it was.

Rushing head on to confront a Queen; to stand before her and demand she agree to his terms, to look upon her as his equal, that was Todd. Todd was “to much like a Queen’ for his own good, he was too bold, not enough male. He had always been like that, since birth. Blood roared in his ears and itched in his pounding veins.

FirstLight would hate this, and that made it so much better.

Todd never could understand why he must hide away. Yes, for his safety; but what was safety but a prison? He nearly cheered; how had Sheppard brought this back out so well? Not just now, but every time he’d visited the Lantains, this same feeling had intoxicated him.

But he knew how to control it. As well as he knew how to make himself seem small, he knew how to be a Queen without dying. He knew when to bend and when to push, when to allow and when to refuse. He knew, like a Queen knew, how to spar with one and live.

Todd ducked behind a pillar, grinning, and waited for a group of Wraith to run past. The Hive was much more populated here, meaning he was close.

Closing his eyes, he sent his mind out just a smidge. It brushed against one of the drone’s open heads, and his claws plunged in. Quick and easy, he procured the position of the Throne Room, then snuffed out that drone’s life before its experience entered the vaster Mind.

Of course, killing droves of males to meet an end wasn’t usually Todd’s style; but all these Wraith would kill him in a heartbeat. He was not so weak that he couldn’t take a Commander’s perspective.

And that was the best part about it, right? Being Queen and Commander both offered insights neither party fully had. Todd understood the sanctity of Wraith lives; at the same time, he knew they were disposable when they needed to be. He knew what it was like to kneel, and also felt the desire to be knelt to. The urge to follow was not there, but the urge to lead could be used to reach for heights other Wraith could not.

Todd took a turn down the last hallway before the pre-room and slowed down substantially. This place might be crawling, he had to be careful. He couldn’t just run into a group of Wraith right outside the Queen’s room and expect it to go well even for him. Steps before the last turn before the room came into view,Todd stopped moving and sent his mind out to canvas the space, only to meet the one mind he hadn’t wanted to encounter.

She was strong, like she had been, and angry like she deserved to be. The Queen met his reach with a shove and tried to pierce him with her claws.

Todd staggered back, snarling. With a deep breath, he threw himself back at her, growling. But he didn’t block her out, not actually. Instead, he let her make contact just enough to communicate. ‘Not like this.’ He said evenly, ‘we should do it face to face, like leaders.’

Her amusement was clear, ‘Like leaders?’ she sent back, ‘are you so bold?’ The pressure she put on him to burrow further was immense, it felt like drilling into his skull, but he held off.

‘Let me pass into your Throne Room, and I will tell you the reason I even dare.’ He chanced to send her a feeling or two; desperation, and hopefulness. He tried to impress upon her that he didn’t desire to be an enemy any longer. It was risky; she was an actual Queen and things Todd had to cultivate in himself came easier to her, no matter his inherent gifts.

She considered that for a moment, he could sense it. Finally, when Todd thought he’d for sure be brought there on his knees, she slipped from his sight.

Taking that as confirmation, Todd walked down the hallway and turned into the pre-room where a hoard of Wraith stood on each side of the room. Todd could smell the stink of anger, the choking scent that was aggression. When they saw their dead Commander, they added snarling and stomping to the flurry of furry.

Todd bared his teeth at them all, only feeling a little bad as he crossed from one end of the room to the other with his head held high. Inside, his heart was pounding, and some of the confidence he had waned away.

After all, this was a Queen, and she had put up a really good fight.

Once he was in the Throne Room, the doors hissed to a close, leaving him alone with the Queen of Two Moons.

She sat on her dais; long auburn hair unbound and falling gracefully down one shoulder. Her dress, now a rich blue, draped over her like a coat. It bunched at her waist and hung from her arms like great sheets. The outfit was studded with sparkling carbon stones – more condensed around the bodice, low neckline, and hems. Clearly, this was what she would have worn to his execution.

He felt very bare in only pants, but it was not the first time he’d had to act regal in rags.

Todd turned around and let Lewy fall to the floor. He landed with a plop; limbs falling out like an unconscious human.

Her eyes went wide, her red-stained lips curled back and she snarled from deep in her throat. “This is what you have brought me? After all of the trouble you caused with your escape, and all the death of my Wraith, you bring me my Commander, a husk?”

“I bring you,” he began, head held high, “The Wraith that reported us to Sprawling Skies, the reason you fell from grace.”

Her lovely eyes narrowed; she looked from Lewy to Todd as if she couldn’t believe it.

“He told me himself,” Todd said.

Two Moons looked annoyed, but not particularly at Todd anymore. “Would you be willing to swear your feeding hand on it?”

He nodded, “Take a look in my mind if you must; I do not lie when I can help it.”

She gave a rough laugh at that and rose from the dais. Her gems simmered in the light, and her gown grazed the floor gently, as she descended the throne to stand right in front of Todd.

Todd lifted his chin, trying to keep the manifestations of fear suppressed.

She chuckled, then, her eyes calculating. “So you bring me a traitor and what, expect I’ll let you go?”

He shrugged.

She cackled, kicking Lewy’s dead body in the head, “This thing is only the messenger. The real reason I was cast out is you.”

He fake flinched, forcing himself not to snarl. “It was worth a shot, yes?”

She shot him a murderous look. “Denied, and the fact that you came to my center proves how dim you have become in your exile.”

That hit too close to home and Todd flinched for real. Yes, it was true, he was not the Wraith he used to be. If she saw that…

“What do you want, LostLight?” she growled, her voice low, “what could not be said earlier that you had to disrupt my Hive so thoroughly? And what could possibly say now that would have me do anything but take your life for myself?’

This was it, Todd’s time to shine, or die.

“I…” he began, “I tried to run.”

She raised her feeding hand slightly and scoffed.

“Let me finish.” He said hurriedly. “I thought I could make it to a fighter and escape into space. I thought that if I ran, I could go into hiding again and forget this whole thing…” he dropped his head, this next part wouldn’t be a lie. “But I have been hiding for ten thousand years, and I fear I cannot anymore. I am sick,” he looked up at her, “of jumping from world to world, Hive to Hive. I am sick of hiding my face. I have had Hives, yes; glorious and prosperous Hives. I have had followers, and even a few brothers, but in the end, I lose them.”

“So?” she folded her arms over her full chest, “Am I supposed to feel bad for you?”

“No,” he offered. “What I want from you is a deal- yes, I know the irony.” His eyes trailed to her throne. It was not the same one he had taken her on, daring to sit while she undulated above, but it was close. For a moment, he swore he felt what it was like to hold her.

“Yes?” she probed, snapping him out of his drift.

“You will never stop hunting Atlantis, I will never stop protecting it. We are at an impasse, but I am willing to compromise.”

Now she was interested, her brilliant eyes glowing with intrigue.

“The city itself, if the people are allowed to live.”

In a flash, her face was screwed up in anger, and bafflement. “Excuse me?”

“The city for the people. It is the only way you will get the location, and you know it.” He crossed his arms over his chest, displaying the place were her Queen’s mark had been carved from his skin right after it was put on. It had been one of the most painful experiences of his life, and the most humiliating.

“I-“

“You could not torture me.” He gestured to the many, many hairline and half-moon scars that littered his body. They were from Genii electric sticks, and simple brute violence. “I cannot be broken.”

She drew her lip back, sensory pits flaring. “This about the human, isn’t it?”

Todd didn’t try to hide the answer. “You know how I am when I love.”

It was her turn to flinch. For a brief moment, Todd could see another kind of anger in her eyes. That was why he knew she’d understand.

He had one more card to play, however. “I am not asking for freedom or even my life. I am simply asking for the people I love to be safe. That is how it has always been for me.”

The Queen of Two Moons looked upon him, a familiar softness creeping into her expression. “You will really give me the location?”

“I’d bet my feeding hand on it,” he said.

She regarded him for a moment, all mistrustful yet wistful stares, then clapped her hands together, her carbon bracelets shimmering.

Two officers burst into the room. Todd’s eyes blew wide, and he posed to run but she said, in a regal voice, “They are no danger to you.”

He didn’t believe her though, so he stayed tense up until the point where each grabbed him by the arm and dragged him over to a long alcove.

“What is happening?” he snapped when one withdrew a blade.

“You should be more careful with your words, Starlight.” She gave him a grin and crossed the steps between them in a matter of seconds. Snatching the blade from the officer, she brought it to his right hand, and then ever so gently placed the tip between the folds of his feeding organ.

The air rushed out of Todd’s lungs, but he did not flinch, “Ah, I see.”

“The coordinates.” She demanded, “and if, when we get there, there is no city, I will destroy your ability to feed.”

A slow, painful death sentence; or a disability which would make him totally reliant on the Gift of Life for survival. In other words, her Gift, because no Wraith Gifted one with a marred organ.

Though his entire body was screaming at him to run, Todd did his best smile. “P4X-265. It is an old planet, it will be in your database. If you put that in and you have the coordinates.”

Two Moons looked stunned, like she hadn’t believed she would actually do it.

He just shrugged with one shoulder, and left her gaze to watch the knife. It was dangerously close to simply permanently damaging him prematurely. One slip of the hand…

She caught his look, allowing the blade the wobble and twirl against his delicate flesh until he hissed in defiance and tried to recoil.

Laughing, she passed the task along to an officer with two black dots on either corner of his left eye. The Wraith barred his teeth and pressed the tip only slightly into the skin of Todd’s most vital organ. Clearly, this officer was angry for the brothers he’d lost.

Todd didn’t give him the satisfaction of a reaction, though inside his body burned.

If they took his hand, he would lose most of what made him Wraith.

The lengths he would go for humans, for Sheppard, the lengths indeed.

 

 

John

 

John made his way up to the control room once Bonewhite announced they would be leaving hyperspace and arriving at the planet soon. He’d spent the past hours reaching out to Todd and getting no response. This time though, he was pretty sure it was because it would endanger his life.

But not knowing what was going on was killing John. Was Todd okay? Had the plan worked? Was he cocooned somewhere, or worse? What if they didn’t get there first? John had chosen a planet fairly close to where he supposed the Hive was in relation to Atlantis, but what if the Queen was closer somehow? What would she do to Todd when she found out he was lying?

He went to the control room because he couldn’t stand it anymore, and he needed someone who would ignore his emotions, not reassure him that everything would be alright That someone was Bonewhite.

The Wraith was standing at the helm, his hands splayed out on the mechanism. He was staring straight ahead with a very Wraith-like intensity.

“Uh…Bonewhite?” John said cautiously, not wanting to get his head chopped off.

Bonewhite gave a discontented growl. “and I so preferred Kenny.”

“Was that a joke? I didn’t know you could make those,” John said, then hurriedly followed it up with an apology when Bonewhite snarled.

Deciding John was worth his time – or wanting a better angle to size him up from – Bonewhite turned around. “What do you want?”

“Questions,” John stood his ground, “I’ve got em.”

“Questions?” The Wraith huffed a laugh and returned to what he was doing. “You could ask Astrara, or perhaps the Commander.”

“Well Astra's kind of stressed, and Todd is…well, he’s not here…obviously…”

“Ugh, spit it out,”

John gulped. Something about Bonewhite made him nervous.

“Talk or leave, you do not need to be here.”

“It’s about FirstLight, okay?” John huffed, trying to sound less afraid. “Mirage gave me the basics but I was just wondering-“

“Perfect, you can ask her.”

John cursed, making Bonewhite growl again. He even turned back around just to glare at John.

“I don’t want to ask Mirage, she hasn’t seen him in ten-thousand years.”

“He was not changed much besides gotten greyer, I presume.”

Again, John cursed.

“I do not wish to talk to you, human, so make yourself scarce before I forget myself.” He flashed his feeding hand.

But it didn’t deter the Colonel. He was getting his answer.

John took a deep breath first, then he lowered his voice and said, “Look…I don’t know what’s waiting for us at the planet. We could be on time, or Todd could be dead. I don’t really wanna think about that though.”

“And? These are things we all feel.” His lip curled back.

“I’m getting there.” He bared his teeth because it seemed like the right thing to do seeing as how Wraith here liked to do it to him so much.

Bonewhite was less than impressed, but he didn’t mouth off.

“I’m operating on that he’s alive, and when I see him I want to know what’s going on. Astras already told me about Two Moons…but when I talked to Todd, he nearly had a panic attack when I told himself FirstLight had sent you. What’s with that?”

Bonewhite grumbled.

“Come on man, I need to know what to say.”

Bonewhite looked at him for a long while, then snapped his teeth together and said, “Fine.” He turned back to his flying. “FirstLight is the Commander of The Commander and I’s Nest Hive.” He paused, as if trying to collect his thoughts. “Long before I was hatched, He was also the Commander’s mentor.”

“Not yours?”

“FirstLight has not taken an apprentice since The Commander was exiled.”

“Oh…”

Bonewhite sighed. “I am not well versed in their early relationship, I have only been alive for two thousand of your “years,” but I was there after…” and he paused again. When he spoke it was with annoyance, like the words he was saying hurt to say. “After you somehow rescued him from that human.”

“Kolya?”

Bonewhite hissed loud enough to make John jump. “FirstLight and the Commander had had a contentious relationship ever since the Attero device, but FirstLight came and got him on that planet, and the Commander spent the time with us, healing. I only saw glimpses, but I gathered they were once very close, and want to be again.” He shot John a look. “The Commander is proud, as I got to know him, I learned he does not like to be seen as weak.”

“Oh…” John got it, “He didn’t want FirstLight to see him like that again.”

“Exactly,” Bonewhite confirmed, then fell silent.

John wasn’t done, though. “So how do you fit in? I mean, if you were born on a different Hive…”

“I was, yes,” Bonewhite answered with surprisingly little resistance. “But I grew close to the Commander during his time recovering. He trusted me with secrets, and in turn, I grew loyal. I wanted – want – to stay with him always.” He shot John another look, this time not so angry. “When the Commander desired to leave the Hive again for the wider world, and…you…FirstLight gave him a Hive and a small crew.”

“And you?”

“Yes, with the stipulation that I keep him updated on how his apprentice is doing.”

John nearly laughed. “You’re a spy?”

“I keep him informed.” Bonewhite’s hard exterior was back up in a flash. “Now gather your things and friends, we are nearly there.”

Notes:

As usual, thank you for reading and for the support!

Chapter 20: Rescue Part 3 (I Love You)

Summary:

The rescue I have promised!!! Also, some feelings :)

Notes:

OKAY last part! (at least for this chapter). Let's go!! We're speeding toward the finish line here folks!

John

 

John had flown jumper’s hundreds of times. He knew them in and out; like the back of his hand. He knew how they flew, how well they braked and how fast they could go. He knew how to make them flip, or turn around on a blink. He knew how much to give them, and how much he could expect. Flying one was nearly second nature; so why was he so nervous?

He was going to fly them all, cloaked, out into space and wait for the Hive to arrive. From there they would use the bonuses of invisibility, and the general chaos of battle, to sneak aboard the Hive and break Todd out. There wasn’t really anything special about that. Down to the jailbreak, this kind of mission could be categorized as a just another hectic day on the job. But it was Todd this time, so John had a lump in his throat and his leg couldn’t stop jumping up and down.

He'd never been nervous before, but now he was.

And he couldn’t stop thinking of all the ways it could go wrong. Everyone Todd loved – save for his estranged father figure – was in here, in John’s hands. That idea alone wasn’t so bad, there had certainly been times when all the people he loved could be snuffed out in an instant, but never before had there been so many unknowns.

Was the Hive there yet? Had it come and gone? Would the Queen somehow know anyways? John didn’t like not knowing, he liked being in control.

Hoping, he cast his mind out, and was again met with nothing.

What if Todd was already dead?

The Cruiser dropped out of hyperspace with a light jolt. With a sigh, he pulled his thoughts away from the insidious negative and wrapped anxious hands around the control lever. Feeling it brought back some confidence. This was the place he was most conformable, even over his quarters. This was the second home, and machine, which he adored more than life itself. Flying, whether through the sky or through space, was John’s happy place. He was in a jumper now, surrounded by allies and friends. They were counting on him, but someone was always counting on him. Whatever was waiting for John, he could handle it – he always did. The words felt slightly hollow, but he grasped to them anyways.

The canopy of the dart by opened, and John shot the jumper forward out into the abyss.

~

“We arrived on time!” Rodney was grinning when he said it, though no one shared in this enthusiasm.

They had entered into empty space above the planet, yes, but that did not mean they had gotten there first. John and Astra shared a knowing look, and the Colonel began his orbit around the planet without a word.

“What’s wrong?” the scientist asked.

“They might have come and gone.” Nexus offered plainly.

John gulped, his hand twitching around the joystick. Space was empty, even the oceanic planet below felt microscopic compared to the rush in his ears, and the uncomfortable silence of the packed jumper.

“They could be days away,” Teyla said, hoping to break the suffocating tension.

“They could,” John’s voice was hoarse.

“Or maybe we're just that good,” Ronan also tried. “I never met a Wraith better than a human.”

At that, John cracked an unwilling smile, pulling the joystick back to make the Jumper go faster.

But although he smiled, inside his insides were all tied together, and heart skipped and sputtered under the intense weight worry brought. ‘Where are you?’ he sent into the ether which was mind-space.

 

 

Todd

 

The tension was so thick that Todd could smell it. They had been like this for the better part of a day, he guessed, and no one had moved an inch. Two Moons sat on her throne, staring straight ahead, while one officer kept the knife in position. The other held Todd’s off-hand still. The only sounds were of breathing, and the occasional shifting of each one of them.

“Is it really necessary to keep me like this the whole time?” he asked, to cut the tension, “I am sure you officers are getting uncomfortable, never mind me-“

“Keep your silver tongue inside or I will carve it out.” She snapped, hands clenching the arm rests of her throne.

Todd just shrugged the best he could. “Okay, but the one holding the knife does not look very well.”

The one holding the knife “accidentally’ fumbled the blade, pricing his skin yet again and this time drawing a whimper from Todd.

“He will be fine,” she waved her hand dismissively.

“Worth a shot,” he mumbled. Todd should be focusing on how he would get out of this position without damaging his organ. The Queen would realize the set up quickly, so he would have to act fast or risk never feeding again.

Stupid, stupid mouth. It was always getting him into trouble, since the very beginning. This, he had to admit, was a new low.

The Queen shifted, her dress rustling. She was extremely calm, which was not how she used to be. Todd remembered her as a youngling – at least one to him. He remembered her as awkward, and unsure, incapable of going up against her sisters. Even when she had been angry, she had been rash and unthinking in her anger. The Queen before him was much different; that he had already come to realize but was becoming surer of it with each passing second. This Queen knew the value of patience, clearly. Though she still bore the aggressive entitlement all Queens did, she bore it with pride.

It made him wonder, actually, why they had not crossed paths before now. Surely, she could no longer be in exile, and surely, she would have earned a place amongst the Queens Todd got involved with. Giving into his curiosity, he asked, “Where have you been?”

She hissed lightly.

“What? It’s an innocent question. We haven’t seen each other in ten-thousand years; where were you?”

“I do not see how that matters.”

“It doesn’t, but I’m curious. Me, I’ve been Hive hoping, staying out of sight, but you’re a Queen, I listened for your name, but nothing ever came up.”

There was silence for a long while, enough that Todd almost tried again.

“Building.” She sighed, “I have been building. I had to regrow the Hive, then I had to build a crew.”

“For ten-thousand years?”

She scoffed, “For all you act like a Queen, you do not know what it entails.”

“Ah,” he nearly purred, “enlighten me.”

Again, she hissed, but she didn’t resist. “After the damage you caused, I was exiled. No Hive, no Wraith, no reputation. You may have been able to hide your face, but Queens are so few that we are not forgotten

Oh… Something in his gut twisted, and his hand twitched under the knife.

“I’ve been building,” she rose from her seat, “for all this time. I had to be strong enough to go after Atlantis, and respected enough to make the necessary connections to find you.” She was closer now, her eyes burning, “Perhaps I could have taken revenge sooner, but with the city gone from the world, and you impossible to track, I had to bide my time.”

He swallowed as she drew ever closer; she looked regal once again. “I wanted to go after it when it rose, but other Wraith got there first. Then…then it disappeared again – I did not seriously think it destroyed. I redoubled my search for you at once, hoping that you would know where it had gone, but again I found nothing.”

He pressed his lips together. During that time he had been lying in a Genii cell, half alive. That time was marked as the darkest, the loneliest; no one to talk to, and no food but the meager meal he was allowed every four of five months. It had been the time after his attempted escape, when Acastus had felt so betrayed that he’d isolated the Wraith from everything but burning hunger. Even the assaults ceased.

The Queen cocked her head at the sudden change in mood.

He shook it away with a growl, twitching the fingers of his trapped hand. “You realize that if you destroy it, you lose the rest of our kind the passage to a rich feeding ground?”

She nodded darkly, reaching out to trail one long finger up his right arm. “It is a price, but one I am willing to pay to rest assured that nothing like the Attero Device will ever happen again.”

Todd swallowed thickly. He got it, he really did. To her, the city represented not hope for the future, by the destruction of her entire world. He couldn’t argue with that. He couldn’t agree with it either, but he could see it from her perspective. In a moment of clarity, Guide raised his eyes to meet hers, and said softly, “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”

Her hand froze where it rested on his shoulder. From deep within her chest came a questioning chirp, her eyes searched his.

“I am sorry, for the harm I caused.”

She chirped again, her hand closing around his shoulder in a gentle squeeze. “I-“ she began, but  quickly fell silent just as the Hive shifted in the way it didnt when it fell out of hyperspace.

For a moment, Todd didn’t breathe. He just watched her expression. Then her eyes turned dark, her nails sank into his shoulder, and all hell broke loose.

 

 

John

 

Three hours later, John was nearly ready to start shooting something – anything – just to feel better.

There was dead silence in the Jumper, even Rodney had the sense to be quiet, as John sped them up even more. Where was he?

Had he really come this far just to lose on a technicality?

John hated this endless wave of anxiety so much. It was a feeling he’d never experienced so strongly before – it was like there was a part of him missing, and until he found it, nothing was right.

That was the only way to explain the drops in confidence, the worry. John didn’t worry, ever. He got concerned, or protective, but in the field he never worried. If something went to shit, John fixed it; if the thing that went to shit was him then he always had his team to pick up the pieces.

It had to be Todd, and that scared him to think about for too long.

At hour five, the worry was so strong that his entire body burned. Whenever anyone tried to talk, he wouldn’t respond – even mentally. The hours were ticking by, soon he might be recalled to the Hive to wait, and that was the last thing he wanted to do. John wanted to be ready, he wanted to be close. Even if he took the other’s back, he’d come back out into space because, if he didn’t have something to fly right now, he’d scream.

“Flying is my happy place,” he murmured, and pulled the thing full throttle.

“Uh, don’t you think we’re going a little fast?” Rodney said, again.

“Shush,” Teyla chided Rodney.

John opened his mouth to also retort, more than a little tired of being told how to fly his jumper, when the Hive burst into view.

“Oh thank God!” Rodney exclaimed. “John, the-“

“I see it,” John’s whole body burst with joy, and relief. His hands shook in a new way, his being alight with energy. In moments, the Jumper was shooting forward towards the entering mass. Even before the first darts flew, they were near the entrance.

They hadn’t fucked it up.

“Well done,” Astra purred, sounding just as anxious.

John barely heard him, he was too focused on just how close Todd was. So close he could feel his mind without looking, close enough to reach out and kiss.

All the worry melted away, replaced by the confidence John was used to. He titled up to avoid a dart, then back down to miss another. He didn’t fire, or fight, he just kept for the entrance, drawn on not just by his own determination, but the call of Todd’s mind.

Not the call, the asking to enter. Making the contact was effortless. Only this time there was no burst of light or change of scenery, just the comforting feel of the man he loved.

The…distressed man he loved.

‘Todd? Todd?’ John sent out, trying to keep the worst of his emotions from his voice.

‘I am here,’ Todd’s voice smoothed over John’s rough edges, ‘I am in the throne room.’

‘Are you-‘

‘The throne room, Sheppard.’

The contact broke just as easily, but John wasn’t left sad, or reeling, he was left with joy.

They soared in unseen, and John had to be very careful not to smack right into a dart. The space itself wasn’t hard to navigate, but the machines swarmed like bats, and tunneled out in thick streams. They flew together in purple columns, but also across and around each other, making them tricky to avoid. No matter, John could do it in his sleep.

Sometimes it felt like the Jumper talked to him, telling him which ways to move before he even knew he should move.

Their landing was successful; done in a small corner of the multilevel dart bay, John was sure that the Jumper would remain unseen. Just in case though, Mirage and Astra were going to stay behind. They’d volunteered for several reasons. One, their presence wouldn’t be good for Todd. They might overwhelm him, and the Wraith needed to be in working order for the escape. Two, Mirage could fly the dart and Astra had a pretty great chance against fighting off Wraith should the need arise.

Everyone piled out of the Jumper as soon as it was safe. John itched to run straight toward the Wraith he loved, but he forced himself to calm down for long enough to shoot a “thank you” at Mirage and Astra.

‘Bring him back,’ Mirage said across their link, joining her hand with her mates. John would be lying if he said he wasn’t excited to hold Todd’s hand like that.

But first, they needed to get him home safe.

~

“Where-“

“The throne room,” John answered Rodney’s question. “and I think he needs us to get there fast.’

“Yeah duh,” The scientist said, getting the route to the throne room in record time. “Oh great, the center of the Hive, you’ve got to me kidding me!

John shot Rodney a look just as the Hive shook under their feet, much to everyone’s alarm.

“Right, less talky more movey.”

“Come on,” John insisted as the Hive shook again. They all took off as fast as they could.

~

The way there was surprisingly easy; there were virtually no Wraith in the halls which might have been good if not for the panic in Todd’s mental space. John could feel like ice down his back. With each passing second he grew more and more desperate to join the fight. Back-to-back with Todd, they could do anything; defeat anything.

Teyla grabbed his arm when he nearly ran in the wrong direction, “This way, we are nearly there.”

~

“There” was absolute hell. John and company burst into a room teaming with Wraith. They were everywhere, though most of them were focused solely on one Wraith…

John’s breath caught when he saw Todd fighting off a swarm. He was shirtless, busied, bloody and his body looked about ready to fall over. But he was here, and he was alive. Just barely though, and when he caught John’s eye he barely had time to react before a Wraith tackled him.

John didn’t shout his name, though he wanted to. He didn’t scream for his Wraith even though his lungs ached to hear the call back of his own name over the sea of enemies. No, he just charged into the hoard, gun out, and started shooting.

He was barely aware of any others. through he knew five people were right behind him, John’s only focus was on getting to that center. It wasn’t east, but some strange energy pushed him forward through the hell that was a Wraith fight.

That was, until, a few grabbed his arms and physically pulled him away from his target with their sharp nails sinking into his skin.

John growled, firing his gun at random, struggling against the heavy builds of these two fuckers, until he heard the firing of Ronan’s weapon. Each one fell in quick succession, leaving John dazed, but alive.

“Thanks,” he muttered, taking Ronan’s hand when he offered it and hauling himself back to his feet.

Ronan just grinned, looking like he couldn’t be any happier if he tried. He was killing Wraith after all.

John took a brief pause to assess the situation; Rodney was backed by Nexus, Teyla by Estella, and Cadmus and Blain fought – and fed – together. Briefly John wondered what this might be like for them. That was until he heard Todd laugh.

Whipping around to find the Wraith meant seeing him crumple to his knees below the Queen. From then on, John barely registered anything else around him, and he shot forward with Ronan at his back.

 

 

Todd

 

Somehow, someway, Todd managed to get himself away from that knife with minimal damage. As soon as the Queen had realized she’d been betrayed, the Wraith holding the knife had plunged it down. Only Todd’s extremely fast reflexes had saved him. Though there was a sizable, painful, hole that ran from right above his hand to the space between his fingers. If he wasn’t healing at such a fast rate he might have bleed out.

That was the least of Todd’s problems though. The first thing on his mind, surprisingly, was the very angry, very determined to make him pay Queen, and her hordes of Wraith.

They came at him from seemingly every direction possible. Drones, but also officers with snarling faces, all with the intent to kill or maim him. Todd had expected that, but it hadn’t prepared him for just how many descended upon him.

He used the lives he’d taken to fight them off, but each strike did nothing to lessen the wave. He was fighting in place, and finding so hard that his breath came deep. Nails, and teeth cut his skin, stunners fired, and he narrowly missed them just to run into another Wraith hell-bent on draining him dry. His mental ability was useless because he couldn’t concentrate for long enough to make a connection. Todd had never felt so tired before, than he did now.

And at the center of it all was Two Moons, her anger palpable, His shoulder still ached from where she’d shredded it, the bead of blood from it scattered over the floor when he moved.

“And apology!” She screamed over the roar of blood in his ears, “For what? The destruction of my home you seek to bring again?”

One Wraith grabbed his arm and hooked on; when Todd yanked away a chunk of his skin was left there, making cry out in chock and stumble. One grabbed his hair, to similar effects.

“That was your plan, yes? To get your lover to destroy my Hive, and me?”

“Not you,” he whimpered, just barely maintaining his mental state enough to get away from the fist in his hair, “and you gave me no choice-“

She snarled, “I do not want to hear your excuses! You are doing it again! I cannot allow that to happen, I will not!”

Todd kicked back a Wraith attacker and bared his teeth. He hated that it had to end this way, but there was nothing he could do.

Another Wraith went for him and Todd blocked him with difficulty. It was getting too much now and…

Sheppard.

Todd saw Sheppard enter with Teyla, Ronan and Wraith he didn’t recognize but who were clearly on Sheppard’s side.

Sheppard. Todd’s heart exploded at the sight of him running in guns blazing, looking ready to kill just for Todd's sake.

But his momentary distraction cost him greatly; a Wraith managed to slam into him hard enough to knock him off balance. He hit the floor with his chin and barely made it through the wave of blackness and out the other side. Pushing up, he tried to shove the Wraith off his body but the angle was wrong and the male, heavy. Todd had lost a lot of blood, no matter how fast he healed, and the pain and exhaustion was getting to him. He could quite do it, could quite win.

In a desperate move, he grabbed onto the Wraith’s arm and latched on, meaning to draw life. He didn’t get a chance to though, because the Wraith was off him an instant. Todd leaped up, only to be struck again, this time by the Queen’s own hand.

Todd fell once more, this time directly in front of her. No males save for two came to secure him, all were focused – alarmingly – on the rescue party.

‘Even now you are thinking of them,’ she hissed in his head, making him jerk his head up to meet her eyes. Making, as in she moved his head for him. As in she had control of his body. ‘Our link runs deep, yes,’ she grabbed his jaw in a cruel grip, ‘and you are too tired to block it.’

He was, even now he wobbled, eyes slightly unfocused.

‘Tell me then,’ she said sickly, ‘if these are to be your last moments, what do you have to say?’

Even in his dazed state, Todd mustered a laugh. It was more delusional than purposeful though, and a bit of blood dribble down his chin when he opened his mouth. He was vaguely aware of Sheppard and company fighting, and it brought him so much comfort that instead of fear, he only felt grief.

Greif for her and him, for her Hive, for Lewy’s, for what he’d done. Todd wasn’t so far gone that he couldn’t understand, even know, why she would try and kill him.

But she wouldn’t succeed. entirely due to her own errors, she would fail. He saw Sheppard coming out of the corner of his eye, and that’s when he knew it was time.

‘That I am still sorry,’ he said carefully. ‘For what came before, and for what comes now.’

Todd and Sheppard locked eyes, a whole conversation passing between them in a split second. Then the human shot her in the back, knocking her concentration out, and Todd’s mind used that monetary lapse to slide out from her grip and begin to take control for himself.

Her eyes went wide, though they shouldn’t. Mental sparing was a talent of all Queens. And everyone knew it was much easier to take over a mind who was already struggling to hold onto yours. That is what he did. In a flash, he was on his unsteady feet, his mind boring down on hers. She gasped, staggering back under the assault, teeth bared in furry.

She tried to pull away next, knowing that if she succeeded, he would have a much harder time finding her head; she didn’t succeed.

‘Thank you,’ he told Sheppard, loving the thrill of exhilaration and adrenaline he got back.

Around him, Sheppard and friends fought off the Wraith, and inside her head, Todd forced her to stop calling them forward.

It was all he could do but hold her, he had no energy for anything sort of keeping things still.

 

 

John

 

Somehow, he made it, somehow he managed to get behind the Queen. She had Todd locked; he could practically feel it. What he could also feel was what he needed to do to help. Not much; no tackling, or hand to hand combat. All he needed to do, he saw in Todd’s eyes and hard in his head, was to shoot her. Once would do.

John wasted no time in pulling the trigger and landing one in her lower back.

It was enough, Todd was back on his feet and John could sense the shift, he could sense that Todd had taken control like Teyla had to Queens before. Or, how like they had to her. Todd thanked him, and John felt something in his heart explode with joy.

From then on, the battle winded down. The hybrids glutted themselves, Ronan, Rodney and Teyla stunned or killed as many as possible, and John focused on protecting Todd until no more Wraith came.

Todd stood in the center of it all, holding the Queen until there was nothing left but the seven of them, and a Queen.

She looked hateful, yet somehow also terribly frightened. Todd did not break eye contact either, looking just as furious and just as frightened. The way they looked at each other actually…it was as if both had transported to a different, but shared world.

"Todd?' John asked cautiously, not wanting to break whatever moment they were clearly sharing.

Todd's eyes flashed up in an instant, all grief filled and angry. They had been talking John realized.

"I-"

“Stunner.” Todd chocked out, reaching out a bloody feeding hand.

John turned around to hand him one. He was breathing hard but Todd was breathing harder. He didn’t look good.

“Todd-“

Todd stunned the Queen; the pressure in both their heads vanished, and the Wraith crumpled to his knees.

“Todd.”

“Sheppard…” He coughed through the name, blood came out.

The feeding scar on John’s chest flared to life. In an instant, he knew what to do.

John stripped off his vest, his jacket, and his shirt frantically. Then he grabbed Todd’s feeding hand and pressed it against his warm chest.

Todd looked up with dazed eyes. "Sheppard?" 

"John," John said gently, his hand trapping the Wraith's in a clear command, "You can call me John."

Todd grinned, something behind his eyes lighting up at the prospect of it all. "John," he said, and took what was offered.

It was painful, but not so much because the whole while Todd was in his head, his voice muttering words that amounted to “I love you” over and over again.

By the time the Wraith was done, John felt incredibly weak. He crumpled to the ground under the weight of his own body.

But he wasn’t so unaware that he couldn’t see his Wraith grinning down at him. Todd wasn’t concerned, so John wasn’t concerned. And he would be dammed if he missed this moment.

‘Don’t get up yet,’ he told Todd, reaching a hand up when the alien moved to lift his limpish body. ‘Come here actually.’

Todd cocked his head, but did as he was told. With a grin, John hooked his arms around the back of the Wraith’s neck and  pulled him down until their lips were millimeters apart. “I love you too, buddy,” he said out loud and their lips locked in a kiss.

Todd gasped lightly, then his chest exploded into that wonderful purring sound. It was like on the forest floor, expect John was so firmly grounded in the moment that his very blood felt hot inside his veins. The two locked arms around each other, kissing feverishly like they were trying to meld together; they were.

It felt…well it was everything John had built, for both of them. That much was clear from Todd’s mind, and the way he rubbed his whole body against John’s, desperate to keep him there below him. John searched out the same closeness hungrily, refusing to part even to breath.

All the adrenaline left over from the battle challenged into this very moment, to the sensation of skin on skin and tongue on tongue until neither could feel where one ended and the other began. It was desperate, it was needy, but most of all it was loving.

‘You love me?’ Todd said in their mind space.

‘I love you.’

 

Notes:

And that successfully concludes over 100,000 words of slow burn! Don't worry though, the next (and last) chapter for this fic will focus on letting these two be happy. Especially with each other ;)

As always thank you for the support and for sticking with me until I managed to slam these two men together again.

Chapter 21: Together Part 1

Summary:

Todd and John are (finally!!!!!) reunited. They do the things that characters do when a slow burn becomes a bonfire.

Todd

 

Their lips met and Todd forgot how to think. Well, maybe he could still remember his name, but he forgot about everything else around them. The half-naked, still bloodied, slightly bruised up Wraith lost the moment entirely, all his attention going to releasing years of pent-up desire and want.

And it was going so well.

Often, he’d struggled with the worry that, when this happened, the past would insert itself into the present and ruin it. That didn’t happen. All Todd could feel was Sheppard’s, John’s, lips against his; nothing else. It was so much different from their first kiss; this time Todd could practically taste John’s desire. There were no reservations, so Todd didn’t hold back either.

After all, he was kissing the male he’d spent years pining for; really kissing him, with the promise of more.

Actually, he might have bedded John there, and then if it was for the extremely acute danger, they were still all in.

It was the Hive shaking that jerked them both away from each other, along with a deep, slightly off Wraith voice demanding, “We should not stay here long.”

Todd looked up and met the eyes of…something? It wasn’t a Wraith, not really. The face and skin were wrong, the hair a human color, yet it was not human. He opened his mouth to demand who it, and the others for that matter, were, but John groaned and suddenly Todd was preoccupied with the fact that his lover might die.

“You,” he threw out at the strange Wraith-thing who’d spoken. “You can give the Gift?”

The stranger nodded, sprawling out his feeding hand to reveal the most normal thing about his body.

“Well do it then.” Todd snapped, rising to his full height. He saw Ronan, Teyla, Rodney, and three other strange Wraith. They nearly looked like the Wraith LastLight had after the New Lantians had altered his body. Though Todd had the suspicion that these hybrids were not altered.

John groaned again, but he was grinning up at Todd. Todd smiled back, itching to go back down there and pleasure the human until he passed out. He would, of course, but when they were safe and had a moment without prying eyes. (He didn’t miss Ronan Dex’s withering glare, not even a little.)

The stranger knelt down, “Can I?” he asked John, which Todd took as a good sign as to these creatures’ opinion of humans. “Or would you prefer my dad to do it?”

John snorted, “Just make it a one-time thing. Astra’s done it once already and I don’t really need to be in his head like that.”

Todd’s heart stopped. Or rather, his whole body went ridged.

They were here

How could he have forgotten?

“Quickly,” he demanded, “we must leave this place before the others realize what I did.” Todd’s stomach lurched at the thought of seeing them. It wasn’t a good lurch either; he recognized the sensation as embarrassment, not joy.

“What he did?” Rodney muttered, “more like what we all did.”

After all, look at him. Half-naked, hair unkept, bloody, clearing reeking of fear. Astra and Mirage would be pristine, they would have kept up the cleansing and grooming traditions they’d inherited from Todd, which he’d inherited from FirstLight. Todd could not keep them up, not since Acastus. His hair looked like this not by choice, but because even his own hands in it invited an attack. And then there was the matter of his body, and the many, many scars seared into it.

“Doesn’t matter,” John was up on his feet. He gripped Todd’s arm to steady himself though he didn’t need it. “Let’s get the fuck out of here.”

A look passed between him and the Wraith. ‘You okay, buddy?’

Todd didn’t even try. ‘No.’ Moments ago so much had been happening; now it was all coming down. ‘Not really.’

‘Yeah…’ John glanced at the Queen, then back at Todd. ‘I thought she’d kill you…’

‘She would have,’ he agreed, thankful for the distraction. He looked down at his fallen foe who still looked as lovely as the day he met her, and as powerful as she had awake, and sighed. ‘It would have been her right.’ With a groan, he pulled her up over his shoulders with the intention to bring her with them.

‘You sure you want to do that?’ John looked worried.

Todd nodded. ‘She does not deserve to die…in fact.’ He glanced around the Hive solemnly. ‘I…’

John realized without having to ask. ‘Ah fuck, we’re not destroying it, are we?’

‘No…’ He cursed himself and this stupid mercy trait of his. ‘No, I will tell Bonewhite to hold back once we are safely in your ship.’

‘Do I get a reason, or is this one of those things that’ll be in our conversation?’

He chuckled and reached a hand up to settle it on John’s back. ‘Would you forgive me if I said the latter?’

John gave him a look halfway between adoration and very pissed off. ‘Let's just get off this thing.’ It was as good of an answer as he could probably give right now.

Todd understood; a lot of things he didn’t make sense to anyone, least of all himself. This time though he was certain he was doing the right thing. He could not, didn’t have the right to take another Hive away from Two Moons. John would understand that…if he loved Todd then he probably already did.

‘He loves me!' Todd’s heart skipped a beat.

“Uh, are we going or are you two just going to stand there staring at each other until we all get stunned?” It was Rodney.

John blushed and that was that.

~

They barely had to fight off any Wraith, and the ones they did went down easy. Mostly it was just running in silence, Todd and John staying as close as possible to each other like they were afraid if they parted, they’d be ripped away again.

Occasionally, Todd looked over at the new Wraith in wonder. Mirage and Astra’s offspring…gods. He had a million questions he wanted to ask them, but each time he tried, he couldn’t. Where could he even start? Todd was beyond terrified at the whole prospect of reunification. No matter how badly he wanted it, getting it was a whole other thing entirely.

How could he face them? How could anything ever be normal again?

John’s hand closed around Todd’s. ‘I’m here,’ he told the Wraith.

Todd couldn’t help but smile. At least he had his human to hide with.

Comforted now, Todd came up with a plan.

He entered the Jumper entered first, with John right behind, and made a beeline for the cock pit. Once both Wraith and human were inside, he closed the doors which separated the two sections, and flopped against them as if they would stop them from opening.

On the way in he had seen Astra and…oh gods, Mirage, out of the corner of his eye. It was just for a moment but her smile and Astra’s anxiously joyful expression had been nearly enough to overwhelm him on their own. Yeah, hiding was the right thing to do.

Hiding allowed him to concentrate, even if he could still hear their voices; even if the sound was enough to rattle him. He tore his dirty pants under the force of his grip.

“No, you’re really not okay, are you…” John asked, inching closer to the trembling Wraith.

Todd didn’t look up from where his gaze was locked on the floor. “I just…I just need to get out of here and then I will be better.” A lie.

John knew that, but he chose to fly them out instead of arguing about it. “I brought your coat,” he said as the Jumper rose. He glanced off to the left where, sure enough, Todd’s coat lay. “Thought you might want it-“

“Thank you.” Todd couldn’t get it on fast enough. He wrapped it tightly around his body and closed it up with shaking hands. He instantly felt better, or at least more secure; now there were no visible scars or visible closing wounds. He had hated ever taking it off, he just loved Sheppard more.

Humans could freeze to death, and then it wouldn’t have mattered if Todd was comfortable or not because John would have been dead.

With that done, he slumped in the seat next to John and tried not to think through the low-grade panic state he was in.

“You gonna tell Bonewhite?”

Gods, he could kiss John right now for all these excellent distractions. “Yeah, yeah…right now.”

Todd sent his mind out and caught Bonewhite’s easily. It was frantic, worried.

‘Commander? You are safe, they got to you?’

‘Yes,’ he answered, ‘safe and on my way. You…you did well bringing them here.’ He was breathing a little deeper than normal and John definitely noticed because he settled on hand on Todd’s thigh and gave it a comforting squeeze. Todd, in turn, held that hand tightly and tried to use it as an anchor.

‘I did what you would have wanted- well, besides uh…’ clearly, he was talking about going against Todd’s most basic wishes and contacting Firstlight for help. Todd didn’t have it in him to be upset about that though, not when it had saved his life. Not when he felt like this.

‘No matter,’ he reassured. ‘I need you to take us into hyperspace as soon as we are on the ship. Do not stay to destroy the Hive, and do not continue to attempt to. Evasive maneuvers only.’

‘Commander?’

‘It is an order, not a request.’

Bonewhite bristled, but he did not argue. He was good that way and it made Todd’s life easier.

‘I will see you soon, Bonewhite.’ He encouraged, letting the words wash over his own person as well. It was…nice.

‘Commander.’ The Wraith responded, but it was tinged with affection.

The link closed, but the presence of Bonewhite’s mind remained. It was how Todd preferred them to be – in reach, but not connected. He had missed it terribly, and now he found himself nearly purring from the sensation of not one, but two minds hugging his.

That other mind, the one of his lover’s, brightened at that thought.

Todd chuckled, loosening his grip on John’s hand.

It was peaceful here, alone in the Jumper, in comfortable silence. Though there were many words to be said, neither felt like saying anything at that moment. Neither had to.

~

John was an expert flier; he landed the Jumper perfectly. Seconds later, the Hive sped into hyperspace at Bonewhite’s command, and John sank into his chair with a near-grieved sigh. “Oh God.” he threw his head back against the chair. “Fuck we actually did it.”

Todd nodded gravely. He wanted to say something, but all his thoughts were on the fact that now that the danger was gone, he would have to face what was outside.

“I thought you were excited to see them?” John asked, sitting up.

Todd nodded again because he was, then shook his head because he wasn’t. “It has been many years.”

John sighed. “Come here,” he asked, then guided Todd’s head forward with a gentle hand on the back of his head. Though even that caused some anxiety, The human didn’t fist his hair, so it was okay. It also led Todd to believe he might not have hidden things as well as he-

John kissed him, gently and chastely. When he pulled back, it was only so he could kiss him again the same way. Todd’s hands went around his human and pulled him close.

John chuckled, parting his lips enough for Todd to slip his tongue in.

‘This is a distraction,’ the human told him around a breathy gasp.

‘It is working.’ Todd fisted his hands in John’s jacket, wanting very much to pull it off.

‘Good,’ the human broke their kiss to rub his cheek against Todd’s.

The Wraith chirped and broke into a purr. He held John’s body taunt and transitioned from making out to feverishly seeking that sensation. John laughed, but Todd was so focused on how nice it felt on his sensory pits that he didn’t really hear him.

At some point, they fell off their chair. Todd felt a slight spike of fear when John landed on top of him, but by some grace, the human caught it and slid off enough so Todd could plant his body over the other.

The Wraith kissed him again, this time heavier than before, solely focused now on John’s body. He loved his brown hair, his soft human skin, and the muscle he knew hid under all those layers. His fingers tensed in the jacket, the desire to rip it off nearly taking him over.

“Whoa buddy,” John titled his hand back to say. “Let's at least get to a bed first-“ his breath hitched when Todd nipped the side of his jaw, his whole body vibrating with need. “O-Okay, but seriously- Todd…” he whined.

Todd snickered as his hands slipped under John’s jacket and shirt. The skin was so warm, so lovely. He never wanted anyone more in his entire life. He expressed that by trailing nails down John’s flushed skin and pressing his lower half against John’s equally hard center.

“Fuck,” the human hissed, “I don’t wanna fuck in the Jumper but of you keep on touching me like that we might have to- Todd.”

Todd ripped open John’s shirt as soon as the word’s left his mouth. “Cannot help it,” he admitted, “If you knew how long I have thought about this you would understand.”

“Oh, I understand.” He ground his hard-on against Todd’s, and somehow that was okay despite all the times humans had done so without his consent. “And fuck I wish you would just stick something in my mouth and get to it, but we really can’t.”

Todd chirped again, this time with intrigue at that image. He liked it more than he thought he would. In fact, he was pretty sure John Sheppard could make him forget about any of his boundaries with just one look.

“Ah, boundaries.” The human took Todd’s lack of moment as the chance to wiggle himself up. “Definity something we should talk about after-“

“I do not want to talk about them” He cut John off then kissed him. “Or about anything. I just want you. I don’t want to face anybody or be anything right now. Even if you do not let me touch you fully, I just need to kiss you for a while or I think I will explode.”

John looked back at his Wraith with lustful eyes. Todd could tell the human was thinking that over carefully, could tell he was trying to see to the heart of it all. In the end, he smiled and kissed Todd again. “Who am I to complain?”

Todd’s purring got embarrassingly louder; it was from relief. Out there would be a nightmare of pain, tears, and regret. In here it was just John and Todd and their bodies.

 

 

John

 

What felt like hours later, not that he was complaining, John poked his head out of the control room to see if anyone was still there. In hindsight, he shouldn’t have been surprised to find Astra and Mirage sitting on one of the benches, hand in hand, waiting patiently.

 Fuck.

“Uh…hi…” John stepped out of the room fully and let the doors close behind him.

Mirage looked up, her eyes full of excitement, she and Astra were on their feet in no time.

Double fuck.

John crossed his arms over his chest, finding comfort in the gesture, “So…I’m gonna have to ask you to leave…”

Astra’s face grew dark. “Excuse me?”

John felt heat rise up his cheeks, he tapped his arms anxiously. “Y-You heard me…”

“Why?” Mirage’s tone was sharp, disbelieving.

John shook his head, he couldn’t help but glance toward the closed doors. He knew the answer, of course, but would Todd want him to tell the truth? “I just…need you to.”

“That’s my mentor in there,” Astra said. John felt Todd wince.

More than wince, Todd's mind was riddled with anxiety, with shame. John could sense how desperately the Wraith wanted to delay the meeting until he at least felt a little better. There was more to it, tucked in the shadows of Todd’s mind, but even if John wanted to pry, he wouldn’t.

All he knew was that this was what Todd wanted.

“I will see him, John-“

“Yeah, and that’s my boyfriend,” the words were out of his mouth before he could stop them, pushed out by a wave of possessiveness that shocked him to his core. “And he told me to tell you he’s not ready to see people.”

Astra opened his mouth to argue, but by now John was focused; he’d make them see why they had to go. “It’s not forever, but he’s tired and beaten up, and…it’s just been a long month, okay? Give him a few hours, or something.”

‘It’s been ten thousand years-“

“Then one more day is nothing.” He stepped forward instead of back, determined. “This is my ship and I said leave.”

For a moment, John could clearly, plainly see Astra ripping his head off with his bare hands. He could feel himself dying as it had already happened. But it didn’t happen. Instead, Mirage and Astra stared for a long time. Neither moved more than to tighten their handhold. At that moment, John felt guilty for shouting at them, but he wouldn’t change his mind.

Mirage was the one to speak, her voice choked with invisible tears, “That is his wish?”

“Just for now,” John said as gently as he could, the guilt almost crushing. How desperate had he been to see Todd? What if Todd had locked the door on him?

Then again, what if Todd had, and John had forced himself inside anyways? It would be wrong.

“Very well,” Astra’s entire body was ridged. He glanced toward the door, sadness in his expression. “You are good to defend him, John Sheppard. I do not like it, but I won’t force my way in.”

Relief flooded him. “Thank you…”

They left silently, and it was then and only then that John could breathe.

~

Todd didn’t come out right away, he waited a good few minutes before opening the door, his expression one of pure delight. He looked…slightly more composed, his hair pushed from his face and the dried blood on his cheek mostly gone. “Boyfriend?” he questioned, his voice a balm.

John turned bright red. He stepped back on instinct, then stepped forward, his hand out. “What else am I supposed to call you?” he could do this.

Todd grinned. He found John’s hand and yanked the human into an embrace which ended up being a kiss. Then another kiss, and another until Todd was all the way down and back up his neck, purring like crazy, his grip unyielding like John would fly away if he let go. “Boyfriend is perfect, I would love to be your boyfriend.”

“Then you’re my boyfriend,” John laughed, winding his hands in Todd’s coat. He was surprised to find that, although the word scared him, the fear couldn’t quite ruin the joy.

~

They waited for Bonewhite, much to John’s surprise. When he asked, Todd told him it was because Bonewhite knew things. John felt compelled to ask what those things were, but he didn’t; for Todd’s sake and because he had a pretty good idea.

Maybe he could find where Kolya was buried, dig him and rip his body apart. That might do it, but then again it might just make John madder that he hadn’t made the Commander suffer. A bullet wound was no way for a man like that to die.

It made John wish, very briefly, that his father had been right about hell because, for rape and torture, Koyla deserved to go there.

Bonewhite made himself known before stepping in. Unlike John, he didn’t run to Todd or hug him. He stood there silently, his eyes locked on Todd’s which were in turn locked on his, until the Commander rose.

“Brother,” Todd said softly.

Bonewhite allowed himself to smile. “It is good to see you, Commander.”

Todd’s whole body relaxed, but his hand – which had been holding John’s – tightened as if seeking extra comfort. “It is good to see you too.”

Bonewhite didn’t seem to have anything else to say, at least not out loud. He went into the control room and retrieved the Queen. He held her with a gentleness that surprised John. “I will take her to a cell after I show you to your room.”

“That would be…nice,” Todd's eyes wandered to her slack face. “I am not yet sure what I will do with her.”

To that, Bonewhite clicked his tongue and shook his head. No more words passed between them, and even as they walked, the space was full of comfortable silence. Todd never broke his hold on John’s hand, and John never wanted to let him go again.

 

 

Todd

 

“Thank you,” Todd told his brother when they arrived at his door. He hoped the true meaning of his words communicated, hoped Bonewhite knew that in this moment, and every other, Todd loved him. This youngling, this short-tempered, insistent Second in Command who was caught between two Commanders, and who would disobey direct orders to see one of them safe, meant the world to Todd.

Bonewhite dipped his head, a prideful smile on his face showing he’d heard every word.

Todd watched him leave, only letting go of John’s hand and turning to open the door once he was completely gone from sight.

“You alright?” John asked.

Todd nodded, his lips quirking up what he hoped was a convincing smile. He could tell the human, his lover, his boyfriend, had questions; they ran through his head in loud swarms. Yeah, John had questions, but Todd needed some time before he would be ready to answer.

The room was sparse but clearly set up for his comfort. It had high ceilings and an entirely open layout besides a bathing room off to the side. Todd visibly relaxed after seeing that; Wraith usually bathed communally, save for the Queen. Rooms with adjacent baths were usually reserved for visiting Wraith. Though, what did Todd expect? Bonewhite had seen him through a million spirals, he knew Todd could barely look at his own body on a good day, let alone allow a stranger to.

Bonewhite had also laid out new clothes and a coat. A large pile of different brightly colored cloths and pillows rested next to the shallow pit that would become a nest. This was, then, an invitation extended to Todd. He could stay on the cruiser for as long as he needed, even after they got back to Astra’s Hive.

He’d take Bonewhite up on that; Todd was in no headspace to go out and reclaim his own Hive, and he couldn’t stand the thought of being around the Lantians. Those things would have to come of course, just not now. Now was about healing and resting. The Wraith gingerly picked up a pillow, turning it over in his hands, and imagined what his nest could look like, how he could share it with John when he was done.

The human’s mind lit up with curiosity and excitement.

Todd smiled. Sheppard’s presence was comforting his mind-space even more so. Here in this locked room, far from anyone who wanted to hurt him, Todd might be able to feel safe.  Testing it, he dropped the pillow and took a deep breath, letting his shoulders sag. He could feel the ache in them. Searching deeper brought the slightest yearning for food to the surface. He let himself feel it, let his mind stray from the place he was to the places he wished to be. He wanted to be clean, warm, and private. He imagined lying in the nest, his body scrubbed of the past few weeks, and was surprised to find Sheppard’s dual thought.

Decided, he turned around and said, “I am going to bathe…” he bit his lips, unsure for a moment whether this next request would invite questions.

He didn’t have to finish, John heard it. “Outside or inside the bathroom?” he asked.

Todd’s heart leaped, grateful. “Outside.”

“Outside then.” The human leaned against the door, crossing his toned arms over his chest. He shot Todd a grin, glancing at the weapon strapped to his leg in a clear message that no one would come visiting unless Todd wanted them to.

There were no words to tell John how much that meant that he didn’t ask, that he just knew.

“Don’t need to; I’ve been in the military a long time. Sometimes you just need a buddy to watch your back.”

Todd laughed, amazed at how simple this could all be. Wraith always had so many questions. They always wanted to see inside his head and learn every minute of his past. FirstLight and Bonewhite especially, and while he loved them, he liked that John wanted to talk about things, not just know them. He liked, really, that the human didn’t claim a right to Todd’s mind.

~

There wasn’t much he could do about his hair, so Todd kept it above the water and focused on his body. Bathing had become a sort of ritual for him these past few years. It was something he did nearly every day despite the Hive’s ecosystem making that entirely unnecessary. He bathed because it felt good, because it was something withheld from him in Acastus’s cage, and because with each full body scrub, he could imagine a little bit of his past washing away.

Slowly, the past few weeks eased out of his mind, carried away by cleanser and the constantly replenished, water. The warm, wet sensation, mixed with the scents of cleansers and the softness of the clothes he used, enveloped him in a safety blanket. The figments, both of them, became less real. The pain of being fed on and gifted, of feeding on so many of his kind, went just a little further into the past. It wouldn’t last, of course, he would for sure be plagued by nightmares – if he could even fall asleep – but the idea of it was nice in the moment, it kept him anchored.

Having someone to bathe for also helped. Todd imagined John out there, guarding the door, and he worked extra hard to rid himself of the evidence of the past. When John touched him, he wanted to be clean, he wanted to feel clean. They both deserved that.

Todd might have stayed in the bath forever if…other thoughts of John didn’t coerce him out.

John naked and lying on his back, his legs spread, his mouth open only slightly. Todd would have kissed that mouth until it was bruised, and then some; John’s flushed skin would be littered with the marks of his affection. Humans didn’t heal right away, so throughout the entire encounter, Todd would see the evidence of his presence. When he buried himself inside – and it would be hot and tight, perfect – John would throw his head back and put himself on full display. His body would shake, and from those lips would come those curses he loved, and maybe the name he’d given his Wraith. Todd wouldn’t be able to stand it, the sight of something so beautiful. He would have to fuck him, and fuck him and fuck him. He’d know where to touch, nothing would get in the way, and he’d nearly come just from the knowledge that John wanted it, that they both wanted it. He could treat his human right, he was sure of that.

Todd looked down to find himself hard, painfully so, and he couldn’t help but chuckle at it. It felt good to want something like that with a person like John.

What would it really feel like when they coupled? He thought, sliding his feeding hand up and down himself. He had imagined it so many times that he felt like he knew. But he didn’t know, not really. That thought excited him just as much; there were things he’d learn about John Sheppard that no one else could know. He’d learn how to make him come, how to make him squirm, what he liked to be told if anything at all. Bodies were like instruments, and Todd would learn his wholly until he would play it with a single thought.

His edge approached rapidly, helped on by imaginary sensations. Todd closed his eyes against it, feeling every slip and scrape as if it were John’s body. He could almost feel the heat, could almost hear the slap of skin on skin, and smell the salt of sweat and the bitterness of arousal.

He came with a muffled groan, biting down on his hand so maybe John wouldn’t hear (though maybe he would and would venture into the bath to consummate their relationship).

Then again, Todd knew he wouldn’t. He’d asked the human to stay outside, and so he would. At that simple, single thought, his body constricted, and he yelped, surprised to find himself in a second orgasm before the first one ended.

At the end of the line, Todd was left gasping and with a full body warmth enveloping him in a blanket of after pleasure. He was light, relieved, and more excited than ever before.

It didn’t take long after that for him to be dry and dressed in the light clothes Bonewhite had offered. He checked himself in a handled mirror – there were no floor-length ones – to be sure he was presentable, then made his way into the main room, a stupid grin on his face.

 

 

Notes:

Finally!!!

That's it.

and also sorry to keep splitting these chapters up but they're all over 10,000 words long

As always, thank you all for the support and for coming back to read whenever I randomly toss another chapter out into the world.

Chapter 22: Together Part 2

Summary:

Okay, Bonfire time.

John

 

John met the Wraith with a kiss, not only because he’d heard and seen everything, even maybe felt some of it, but because Todd looked fucking fantastic. Gone was the dirt, and the blood, and the slightly cowed demeanor. They were replaced by the strong, self-assured Wraith John knew. Maybe it was arousal, or maybe it was relief, but John had never been more attracted to him than he was at this moment. It was almost like being a teenager again, except for the person that was going to rail him was huge, strong, and probably experienced. The butterflies in John’s stomach swarmed around those thoughts, devouring them,

“I want you,” he told Todd between kisses, “fuck I want you.”

Todd’s laugh was like a deep, rich base. He hooked his hands under John and hulled him up so that the human could wrap his legs around his waist and arms around his neck.

What happened next was quick, and feverish. Todd threw blankets and pillows down indiscriminately, moving so fast that it was almost like he believed John would disappear. The human wondered if that was okay. Hadn’t the Wraith wanted to build a home? But there was no indication that any of it mattered. Besides, when Todd placed him down on the hastily made nest, John forgot about it.

Suddenly there was a Wraith over him; a Wraith’s hands were on him, pulling at the fabric of his jacket while John kicked his boots off and did his best to squirm out of his pants. There was a Wraith's lips, hot and heavy, on his, and the world reduced to nothing around them.

John groaned, straining his hips up against the hard place in Todd’s pants that matched his own. All he wanted to do was rip both their clothes off; he wanted it so bad that it nearly blinded him to the moment.

He was kissing someone, a guy, in that guy’s bed, and no one had to cover their mouth or lock their door to keep from getting caught. Hell, he’d done this in public twice now and no one had burst in screaming. No one on the Hive cared if Todd was about to fuck him, least of all his father.

And his father was dead, buried on Earth.

“S-Stop,” John choked out, suddenly overcome with emotion.

Todd pulled away so quickly that it was a little jarring. “John?”

“I-I’m okay,” John sat up, holding his reeling head. “Just overwhelmed…” disappointment hit him like a truck, then rage. How could he have ruined things so quickly?

Todd sat back on his heels, giving his lover the proper space. He didn’t speak, and John was grateful for that.

John rubbed his face, slapping it a few times to try and drag himself back to life. “God…fuck, I didn’t think it would be so hard.”

“It is okay,” Todd assured, tentatively placing his left hand between them. “Believe me, I understand.”

“They sent the last guy to conversion therapy.” John hissed.

“I know,” Todd said, “That will not happen to me, to either of us.”

“I know, dammnit,” he snapped, “that’s why it feels so stupid. Nothing is stopping us but me. Not even you are having trouble! I-I mean…and you were raped!”

Todd bristled, and that’s when John realized that they hadn't actually talked about it out loud.

“Shit…”

~

There were about a million and one thing to say, and none of them were good. What did you even say to someone when they…when you couldn’t even think about it without wanting to shoot someone?

And what the fuck did you say after bringing something like that up in such a…a frankly insensitive way.

That thought drew a dark chuckle from Todd. The Wraith was sitting against the edge of his nest, his legs drawn to his chest, looking not angry, but not happy either. It took John a few seconds to realize that the emotion was shame.

No fucking way was John letting that happen.

The only semi-good idea he had was to come sit beside him, something which Todd accepted. John took one of his hands which the Wraith seemed to like too, even going so far as to squeeze.

Revitalized, John said, “There’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

To that, Todd bristled further, making a clicking noise in the back of his throat which was less than friendly. “You would not say that if you knew more.”

“Yeah, I would.” John figured the best course of action at this point was just to drill that into Todd’s head.

“No,” the Wraith was shaking his head. ‘You wouldn’t, John.”

“Why?”

Todd stilled, from his mind came a very, very, very intense desire to bolt.

John squeezed his hand, creating a sort of death-grip experience for the both of them. “You don’t have to answer that…”

At that, Todd softened a little.

John sighed in relief, chancing to lean his head on Todd’s shoulder.

Good move, Todd adjusted his body so he could lean into it. His hair tickled John’s ear. “There is too much…” he began, “to talk about, and too little I actually want to say.”

“Then don’t say it,” John whispered, “It’s okay, I don’t need to know if you’re not ready. I don’t need to know ever.”

Todd’s chest rumbled and broke into a purr. He wrapped an arm around John and pulled him closer, nuzzling him the best he could.

John smiled, wrapping his own arm around Todd’s waist.

They stayed there peacefully until finally, Todd spoke.

“At first I did not understand it,” he said, his voice wavering. “Wraith do not rape each other, you understand. At least males do not…” He grit his teeth.

John made a gentle stroking motion with the hand around Todd’s body. He didn’t speak.

In time, Todd was able to speak again, though this time his voice was hushed, and he sounded older than he had just moments before. “I only even had a word for it because I had heard Mirage mention it before.” He paused long enough to sigh. “At first it was just pain and humiliation; I hated it, but I could deal with it as long as it was just that…”

“And then it wasn’t?” John helped, looking up at his Wraith.

“Then…it wasn’t.” he grit his teeth, “it was something I could not name, and I could not understand why I hated my- it so much. I did not hate the other tortures the same way.”

“The other- no, never mind.”

Todd laughed at that, but it sounded haunted. “It was a long ten years…it changed me, Sheppard, I am not Wraith I once was.”

John thought back to his insubordination, his desperate attempt to recuse his friend. How scared had he been then? How many nights after had he dreamed of it, of his failure? How insistent was he now that he would never, ever, let another person he cared about get away again? “I understand,” he told Todd, “I really do.”

Todd seemed to find comfort in that. “Then you know what it is to…”

“Be plagued by it? Yeah.” he sat up a little. “Todd, you know I would never force you into anything-“

Todd kissed him without warning, holding his head in place so he could say against John’s lips, “Yes, I have known that ever since I met you.”

He blushed, “Wh- how?”

“You let me go,” he said softly, kissing him again, this time swiping his tongue against John’s bottom lip. “Ever since then I have known, and I have loved you.”

“You’re killing me.” John groaned, parting his lips so Todd could kiss him properly.

Todd chuckled, he slid in front, planting his hands on either side of John’s body. The human shouldn’t have found being trapped so hot, but he did.

They kissed for a while longer, their bodies moving against each other, in tandem. In time, the ache returned, and John found himself playing with the hem of Todd’s shirt, unsure whether or not to touch him.

“Touch me,” Todd all but demanded, pulling John’s jacket free. “Please do not be careful, I am not fragile.” To prove it, something he seemed desperate to do, Todd bit at John’s jaw. His nails grazed his clothed biceps, and a low growl in the back of his throat said, predator.

But he was fragile, and John knew that because he’d spent most of his life telling himself the same thing. If the past two weeks had taught John anything, it was that acknowledging that was important.

“Are you ready for this?” he asked Todd, pressing his lips closed.

Todd growled again, nodding. “More than anything, yes.”

John searched his mind, refusing to kiss again until he was sure that there was no lie in that, that Todd wouldn’t regret moving so fast.

Todd tried to growl once more, but it came out as a purr. He rubbed his face against John’s unshaven cheek, his desire clear.

John smiled. Very gently, he placed his hand on the back of Todd’s head to still it. Todd looked up at him, his eyes big and round with lust. Some silent communication passed between them.

Within seconds John’s jacket was gone, he was flat on his back with his arms pinned above his head and Todd’s body held his legs apart.

His moan morphed into a gasp when the alien slid a cool hand – his feeding hand – up John’s shirt. He tried to say something, but Todd kissed him deeply and passionately. John tried his best to kiss back, but Todd seemed determined to suck the very air from his lungs. He couldn’t tell if he was getting lightheaded from that, or from the idea that this was actually happening.

Todd snickered. He twitched his hand up, then straight down, slicing the front of John’s shirt open on one of those nails.

John hissed, shivering in the cold air. Todd took notice, but if anything, he seemed to like it. His feeding hand trailed down John’s chest and stomach, fingers lingering on muscle. The brief glances John got at his eyes betrayed fascination.

John itched to reciprocate he wanted to feel what he’d only seen briefly, wanted to know Todd’s body in the same way Todd would know his. Desperately, he pressed his hips up, whining even at the little friction that gave. He wanted to see Todd naked.

Todd’s fingers twitched against his skin. he broke their kiss and traveled downward, ‘In due time,’ he told him, the mind voice somehow deeper, more sensual than it ever had been before.

It was all John could do but groan. He closed his eyes and sunk into the sensation of Todd kissing along his jaw, his neck; the way his teeth felt as they grazed under his ear, or near his Adam’s apple drove him crazy.

When Todd bit down on his neck and John cursed. His toes curled and his cock knocked against his staomch. He snapped his hips up without meaning to, and ground his cock against several layers of fabric, feverishly seeking what he so desperately wanted. “Todd,” he whined. “Come on, stop playing with me.”

Todd’s hot tongue swept away any blood from the wound, then he bit down right next to it.

“Todd…” he groaned, the sound high and pathetic.

‘In due time,’ he repeated, once again detaching and once again making John’s entire body shake with another bite.

Was this how Wraith always fucked? And why was John so into it?

At last, maybe as a reward, Todd released his human’s wrists. Immediately, John’s hands flew to his shirt. He grabbed the collar and was about to pull up on it when he froze.

Todd’s expression grew questioning.

“I-Is this…okay?” John asked.

For a moment, the alien was as still as a statue, his eyes trained on John, his expression unreadable. John waited, denying every urge in his body to take what he wanted.

At last, Todd cupped John’s cheeks in his large hands, pulled him into a chaste kiss and said, ‘more than okay.’

The shirt was gone before either man could blink. It was John that froze than, and for an entirely different reason.

If Todd’s arms were amazing, then Todd’s body was…well, John had never seen a creature with that much…

“Christ,” the human whispered.

The Wraith was beautiful, truly; a sheet of muscle and definition decorated with countless swirling black lines and intricate shapes. This close, John could see every line, every dip, every…everything.

Todd swiped his thumb over John's bottom lip, pulling it down a little. ‘You can touch me,” he affirmed, ‘I want you to touch me.’

Still a little overwhelmed, John tentatively placed both hands on Todd’s chest, right where his nipples would be if he had them. He marveled at the texture of Wraith skin; it was cool and smooth, harder than human skin for sure, and each black patch was slightly raised as if it was scar tissue. Maybe it was. He dragged his hands down to Todd’s waist, going slow, trying to map the Wraith’s skin with just his fingertips. How was such a creature in bed with him? How had someone like this been kissing him? What made John so special?

Todd placed his hands on John’s. ‘I could not tell you with all the words in the universe at my disposal.’

That made the human blush, and the ache in his pants double. Without another word he smashed their lips together, sending out a mental plea to keep going

Todd obliged by basically ripping off the Colonel’s pants and throwing them across the room. John hissed as more cool air washed over his body. Then he shuddered because Todd’s gaze was fixed directly on his bobbing cock.

“I have wanted this forever,” Todd said out loud, voice unbearably lustful. He wrapped a long-fingered right hand around John’s leaking cock and started stroking it.

The air rushed out of John’s lungs, and he groaned again. He slid his hips in time with the sensation, moaning at the way Todd’s rough hand felt on the sensitive skin. Todd watched for a moment, a more than lustful expression on his handsome face.

John couldn’t believe this was happening, in fact, he was so shocked that he had to close his eyes.

Todd slowed his pace. He bent down, nosed John’s head to the side, and growled in his ear. “Look at me, Sheppard.”

John nearly came from just his name pouring from Todd’s lips. It took all his willpower to peak open his eyes, and even more of it to keep them locked on Todd’s intense expression. He was so close, and his entire body and mind radiated warmth, and joy. John wanted to crawl inside that sensation and live there forever.

The Wraith placed a hot kiss to John’s jaw. ‘Good,’ the praise echoed in their minds, making John blush. He thrusted his hips up once again, only for Todd to press a heavy hand right below his belly button and ordered, ‘Still, please. Let me love you for a little while.’

John cursed but obliged mostly because the way Todd was looking at him felt sacred. Was it Todd or John who the resulting possessive wave came from? Was it both? All John knew was that he’d never felt so adored before.

And with a man, Christ.

Todd smirked, his wrist snapped back into action; though he didn’t stop his assault on John’s skin.

Before long, between thoughts that he couldn’t believe this was happening, and wonders about how in the hell the first man he’d get to have in a while could be…this, John found himself teetering on the edge, and also halfway desperate to reciprocate.

“I-I…” he breathed sharply, snapping his teeth together, squirming under Todd’s expert hold as the pressure and pleasure swelled. “Todd I-“

Todd hummed, looking pleased, looking happy.

John’s hands fumbled for the Wraith’s wrists, for his arms, anything at all. He didn’t want to come like this, not the first time anyways. He wanted to see stars with Todd buried deep inside of him, he wanted to feel so full and so overwhelmed that he forgot anything but where he was. A man hadn’t touched him in so long, and he wanted the full experience to christen it.

Todd hissed his wrist halting just seconds from the edge. His eyes were big and moon-like, his grin hungry. ‘Then I am ready,’ he said, pulling his palm away.

Even though John was panting, his brain still in that far-off place it went just before coming, he did notice that both his cock and Todd’s hand glistened.

“I-Is that enzyme?” he whimpered, biting his lip when Todd’s hands settled on his inner things.

The alien dipped his head, a sly smile on his face. ‘It can be used for much more than healing,’ he said and gently pushed John’s legs apart so he straddled the Wraith’s waist.

John’s breath hitched, he thumped his head back on the bed and bit his own lip in an effort not to come. His cock throbbed with need, the sensation reaching all the way to his ears and ending at his fingertips. He twisted under the Wraith, legs swaying gently.

Todd’s fingers settled below his cock, then trailed downward. He seemed to enjoy, or at least marvel at the hair down there. So much so, actually, that he rubbed some of it between his fingers.

Maybe if the Wraith was also naked, John could marvel that his differences too.

Todd chuckled. ‘I assure you; they are striking.’

‘Then show me.’ John pulled his head up to catch Todd’s eyes.

The Wraith stared back at him, clearly unsure, his mind clearly drifting. It was as if he’d forgotten that to actually have John, he’d have to be at least a little naked.

“You okay with that? You don’t have to be.”

Todd smiled. “It is strange,” came his voice, soft but sure, “But I could not imagine it ever not being okay to be with you.”

John smiled back, feeling just about as good as he ever could feel.

With that, Todd’s pants were gone, and John was face-to-face with the rest of him.

Todd’s cock was…well, large, but more importantly, alien. It was tapered, unlike John’s, and all along it were these smooth ridges that got gradually smaller the closer to the tip they laid. John’s entrance clenched in need at the thought of that thing inside it.

His jaw must have slacked because Todd closed it with a delicate hand. He swiped an enzyme-coated thumb over John’s lips, playing it against them. John didn’t think, he just did what he used to do with Tom, and took it in his mouth.

Todd’s breath hitched; a low rumble permeated the space. His thumb twitched and John sucked his cheeks in. He looked up through his lashes at the blindsided Wraith and found that he was grinning.

‘Humans are so strange with their mouths,’ he commented, sounding both far gone and intently in the moment at the same time.

John smirked the best he could. He flicked his tongue along the underside and reveled in the way Todd shuddered. How would he look when the human got a chance to blow him? That thought caused butterflies to swarm; it had been so long, and he always loved doing it.

“Very strange…” Todd smiled. He pulled his thumb out, but not without a whine from John.

The human didn’t need to be disappointed for long though because Todd guided his hand to his cock and let John wrap his hand around it. He could do that, but just barely, which he revealed in just as much as the noise Todd made when he thumbed under one of the ridges.

So they were sensitive, good to know. Todd seemed to know about his body, John needed to catch up.

At that, the alien told him they would have plenty of time to explore each other, and John had to clench his teeth, and his own cock to stop the way that made him feel from ruining things.

“You are very sensitive,” Todd observed.

John blushed. “Shut up…”

“Truly, if I had known what words alone could do, I would have used them long ago.”

The blush turned burning red and he ducked his head down.

Todd forced it up, sending a thrill through John. Who knew that for all he hated orders, Todd’s commanding look at tone would make him want to beg.

Todd laughed, the sound strangely wonderful, and kissed his human gently.

John leaned into it, picking up his rubbing motion at the same time. Todd’s lips faltered, then returned full force, determined to rip the air out of John’s lungs.

For a while, they just kissed, and John felt his way to every part of Todd’s cock. He discovered those bumps were nearly completely hard, and harder the closer they got to the tip. He discovered that the underside and head were very humanly sensitive and that Todd leaked excessively. In fact, by the time he was squirming in John’s grip, his groans tight like he didn’t want to make them, the cock was almost completely slick with its own pre-come.

When his breathing changed from deep to ragged, John paused his stroking to press and rub over the very tip ridges; that made Todd yowl, made his hips jolt. His face dropped against John’s shoulder, and his arms hooked around the human’s waist like he might disappear. “Sheppard,” he growled, thrusting up into John’s hand.

John loved it, he loved that he could make Todd feel good. He loved that he still knew how to love men. Most importantly though, he loved that Todd trusted him enough to let himself be pleasured, that after everything, he was still clinging to John, seconds away from coming.

Todd gasped, his hips became frantic, and his body nearly shook. John didn’t notice he’d reached his orgasm until the fluid hit his chest, until Todd was moaning until John’s thoughts were swept away in a torrent of relief, of release. The Wraith bit down on his shoulder, and in that moment, John became…something else.

He didn’t come, no, but he felt the sensation of Todd’s pleasure wash over him as if it were his own. He didn’t understand how, but a long and loud moan escaping his lips. He thrust his cock into the open air, chasing a burst that wasn’t his own, desperate to draw out something that didn’t belong to him. The chase led him to pump Todd’s cock viciously; his other hand was clenched tight around his own to keep from going over for real.

It wasn’t until Todd calmed down that he was able to ask, voice ragged, “what was that?”

‘Sharing,’ Todd offered mentally after detaching his mouth from John’s trembling body.

“Fuck,” John kissed his shoulder, I liked it.”

Todd laughed. He nosed along John’s jaw, one hand coming up to cup his lover’s face. “As did I.”

“No duh.”

‘You misunderstand.’ Todd kissed his lips, then his forehead, then let his head drop down to rest in the crock of John’s shoulder again. ‘This how Wraith couple.’ He entwined his right-hand fingers with John’s. ‘This how I like to do it, and I have missed it.’

John smiled against his head, brushing his lips on Todd’s hair. “Does that mean you feel what I feel too?”

Todd hummed. ‘Eventually.’

“Well, that hardly seems fair.”

‘Then you will simply have to get better at the mind space,’ he teased. With another kiss, Todd lowered John back onto the bed. He settled between the human's already spread legs and grinned.

John didn’t stop to ask how Todd could go again so soon, he just settled back and tried not to squirm. This was it, what he’d been waiting nearly twenty years to do again.

Todd coated his fingers with enzyme. It glistened in the low light. He pressed his thumb against John’s entrance then circled around the rim gently.

John’s heart skipped a beat, he wriggled his lower half in a please to get on with it.

Todd chuckled. He wrapped one hand around John’s cock and pressed into the hole. John hissed, wincing at how tight of a squeeze it was.

‘Am I hurting you?’ even in his head, he sounded alarmed.

“No.” John shook his head. “It’s just been a while.”

Todd didn’t look too convinced. ‘If this is painful for you-‘

Again, he shook his head, this time letting his thoughts be known. He sent Todd the idea of how it felt for him, how any pain was always overridden with pleasure, how amazing it felt to be in the situation. The memories were fuzzy at best, but they did the job.

Todd, revitalized, grinned. He didn’t wait any longer to gently work his thumb deeper inside. The lube helped, and within time John had relaxed into the sensation, welcoming it back as though it had never left.

Todd caught on, eventually daring to work a second finger in. John groaned and ground his hips on those fingers, wishing Todd would go deeper, wishing there was something thicker in there.

It was amazing that after all these years his body still responded the same way.

Todd’s fingers brushed his prostate and John let out a high, breathy gasp that drew the alien’s acute interest. Instead of asking, Todd poked, prodded, and rubbed at that exact spot, revealing mentally in the way John responded. The human’s cock twitched and leaked, and Todd stroked it gently until John couldn’t take anymore.

“Fuck.” He threw his head back, his neck arching. “Come on, fuck me.”

Todd grinned, John saw it in his mind. The Wraith gently pulled his fingers out, dragging a breathless groan out of his boyfriend. There was stillness for a second, then the head of Todd’s cock was at the entrance.

Todd looked down at the Colonel; one of his hands held his cock in place, the other stroked the space just above John’s groin. “Yes?” he asked out loud

“Yes,” John agreed.

Each male hissed in dual pleasure as Todd pushed himself inside. He did it little by little, slowly splitting the human open while said human fought the urge to demand to be impaled. He knew he couldn’t handle that, and from the looks of it, Todd was enjoying watching himself go in.

‘I have waited for this ever since I met you,’ he confessed running his tongue over his bottom lip, his eyes alight with lust.

John moaned, rocking himself back on the length without thinking. Todd hissed more pointedly, pressing that other palm down to stop it.

It was all the human could do by lay his head back and deal with it. He didn’t do a very good job though, especially when he became aware of another sensation he could only describe as himself. His own body squeezing his own cock – what Todd was feeling exactly, plus the added sensations of being entered. What was better, the burn or the squeeze?

Finally, Todd reached the end. Bodies now locked together, skin flush up against skin, Todd leaned down. He stared into John’s eyes, their lips mere millimeters apart.

“You okay, buddy?” John asked, hooking his arms around Todd’s neck.

The alien purred, joining their lips in a gentle kiss. He carded one hand through John’s hair and chastely asked for entrance.

John obliged, feeling sparks along his lips when their tongues met. The sensation was heightened by how full he felt, how desperately his cock ached for release.

‘I love you,’ Todd said across their link. ‘Thank you for sharing this part of yourself with me.’

John brought his arms together, pulling Todd closer. He nipped his bottom lip and responded, ‘I’m glad it’s you, I’m glad you…’

He didn’t have to finish the thought, or rather he couldn’t, because Todd pulled his hips back, and snapped them up for the first time.

John gasped into their kiss, and it turned into a deep moan. Todd rolled his hips back and forth in short, slow thrusts meant, John was sure, to torture him. It wasn’t like anything else he’d ever felt before. Todd’s length, his size, it all burned in the best way, and John found himself grinding again, moaning into Todd’s mouth, desperate for more of Todd, more of anything.

Above him, the Wraith snickered. He left their kiss and laced their fingers together, pinning John’s hands down in the process. The short thrusts became longer, and quicker now that he had leverage. Each snap somehow felt deeper, each quick draw out sent a rush of heated pleasure through his body. John might die, he thought, when Todd’s cock first brushed his prostate. The sound he made wasn’t like anything he’d ever made before, nor was the way his body writhed a conscious thing. He squirmed under Todd, seeking that electric feeling again, needing it just as much as he needed air.

Todd paid attention; he angled his body right and began what John could only describe as an attempt to drive him into the floor. Faster, deeper, rougher; Todd wasn’t holding back, and mentally he was projecting every movement, blanketing John’s bouncing cock in a tunnel of warmth.

The human cried out through it all, not able to stop the string of noise Todd ripped from him. Todd was making his own noises; little chirps and chitters, the occasional groan, and the heaviest breathing John had ever heard. He looked – when John could see him – completely enraptured. There was a look about his eyes that screamed predator, and a mental desire that swept John up in its all-ness.

He released John’s hands. ‘T-Touch me. Even Todd’s mental voice was wrecked.

John could hardly think through the haze of shared pleasure. Each time Todd rocked him he got closer, his entire cock seemed to pound in his ears.

‘Here,’ Todd projected an image of his spine; there were ridges in the same style of his cock.

The result of John just brushing one of them was a deep, guttural moan. Todd arched his back into the sensation, and John felt it nearly as strongly. He was gripping to the alien when he dragged his fingers and nails up, down, and between those bumps. He was chasing two highs at the same time he realized, two orgasms.

It only took a few more intentional thrusts for John to break. His eyes rolled back in his head, he cried out in pure ecstasy and his cock jerked, splattering white come over Todd’s chest. It came in waves of intense heat, drawn out by Todd’s approach, and by the merciless thrusting, he chased it with.

He felt trapped between two bodies, and also the best he’d ever felt in his life.

Finally, Todd yowled, grinding himself deep into John. His cock pilled inside, his pleasure throwing the human into a second, sharper orgasm even as his cock lay limp and spent between their bodies.

Todd collapsed on John with a weak groan. He rubbed his face on the man’s chin like he had in the Jumper, his loud purring nearly a roar.

John didn’t have the energy to do anything else but hold the Wraith and enjoy the wave of warmth and pleasure that emanated from his mind.

Notes:

Holy fuck after over 100,000 words and 21 chapters, I finally made these two have sex.

Thanks for reading! This isn't the end of the story quite yet, My vision is probably three more chapters (one big one split up), and then it should be done!

Chapter 23: Pillow Talk

Summary:

A chapter devoted to letting the author give in to her desire to mash these two up against each other and make them fuck. There's nothing else I could call this, it's just porn and pillow talk.

Todd

 

Todd could scarcely believe where he was – laying in a nest, entire body tingling with the afterglow of sex. John Sheppard was curled up against him, breathing softly, listening to Todd’s heartbeat. The Wraith ran his fingers through John’s hair lazily; the human in turn traced a nonsense pattern on his skin. John was near sleep, but Todd’s thoughts kept him from fully dozing off. He wanted to bask in this, the glory of it all.

He had done it, the real and physical act, and he did not feel the urge to expel his stomach contents. Quite the opposite actually; he wanted more.

And more would come, but for now, Todd wanted to lay here and feel the warmth of John’s skin, revel in the electricity of his gentle touch.

He had looked beautiful coming undone, but he might have looked even more beautiful now. His skin was nearly glowing, and a gentle flush lingered on his cheeks. His hair was messed more than usual; his lips were still swollen and pinker than they had been before. Todd gave way to the urge to trace his fingers over them.

A new light pink raced up the Colonel’s cheeks and Todd chuckled. He shifted, turning himself slightly so he could sling one arm around John.

The human’s eyes fluttered open; he yawned, stretching one hand up over his head. Todd kissed his open mouth, then kissed his forehead, then his nose, then his mouth again.

John seemed to like that, even going so far as to kiss back despite the fact that he was very much barely awake. “Did I fall asleep?” he asked.

“Mhm, go back to it for as long as you would like.”

Stubborn as ever, John shook his head, popping his eyes open. “Tempting, but I’d rather enjoy this.”

Todd chuckled again, giving her boyfriend (gods, that word was something else) another kiss.

They spent the next few minutes kissing lazily, all available limbs running over each other’s naked bodies with no particular destination. Todd was surprised at how okay with that he was. Perhaps it was the afterglow, but his thoughts were slow too, if incapable of associating the sensations with the past.

“Air,” John asked, tilting his head back.

Todd took that as an invitation to kiss his neck. He paid special attention to the bit marks he’d left. Three of them rested, high, running down one side of his beautiful neck. Todd’s length twitched when he realized they’d take days, maybe weeks to heal.

“Possessive much?” John laughed.

Todd shrugged innocently, he nibbled directly below the last bite, rolling the flesh between his teeth, deciding whether or not to leave a fourth now, or save it for later.

John groaned, but it sounded more like a moan. Todd didn’t miss, as it was pressed against him, John’s hardening length. With a snicker, he bit down, relishing the way John’s yelp turned into a moan. His hands flew to Todd’s back to brace himself.

Todd stayed there until he was certain that John was as hard as he was. He swept his tongue over the wound, fascinated by the strange metallic taste, then wiped his mouth and popped back up to connect their lips.

No arguments came from John so Todd, keeping their lips together, climbed over his lover. He laced their hands together as he did. John groaned, arching his back, his arms tensing but not trying to pull away. Todd loved the way John’s body reacted to the simple gesture, loved that the human took pleasure in being immobile where Todd couldn’t. A thought flew through his head, per perhaps a fantasy, of tying John’s hands in front of him and driving him into the mattress while he squirmed.

“Jesus,” John swore, “you’ll make me come before your cock even comes near my ass if you keep talking like that.

Todd paused his kissing, a chirp of confusion sounded from his chest. What was cock?

John looked a little indignant, or perhaps a little assumed when he answered. “You know, my dick?” he pointed to his length.

Todd’s lips split into a grin. “Cock,” he repeated, liking the way it sounded. “I like that.” He wrapped his hand around John’s…cock. “And I would very much love to spend you before then as well.”

John swore again but he didn’t protest when Todd started to slide his right hand up and down it again. His facial expression and his noises were enough to keep Todd’s thoughts in the moment. He didn’t think about the similarities between this sex and sex with Acastus because there were none. John’s hands were rough but not with anger, and his grip was tight but not with furry. The way he touched Todd was gentle, and loving, and the way he kissed him was pure adoration. He was lustful, but also in love. Todd did not think about the other kinds of love he’d experienced; the brutal, the demanding. He did not think about all the times he’d had to fight to keep himself in one place the whole time.

Surprisingly, even when he definitely totally wasn’t thinking about those things, he didn’t want to recoil from John’s heavy breathing. He leaned into it even, hearing it against his ear, feeling the human’s warm breath on his cool skin, reveling in the little moans he drew with each quick thrust. This was okay, truly, and his own cock wept onto the nest as the need for his own climax grew. How long had it been since he’d enjoyed the before of an orgasm? How long had it been since he’d thought about coming before his cock was buried in someone’s body? It was amazing, Todd realized, that even as he did think about all the ways that sex had been different before, that he still wanted it.

John wouldn’t hurt him; John had risked his godsdamn life to see Todd home; more than once.

His human came with a sharp cry, thrusting desperately into Todd’s firm hold. The Wraith kissed him through it.

Finally, when John was spent, Todd turned his attention to his aching cock. He wanted to thank it for complying, or not betraying his desires.

“What some help with that? The human said breathily.

Todd grinned and settled back on his elbows. He dragged his eyes over the human's body and growled.

John grinned. “Perfect…” he mumbled, his body sinking down. Todd watched curiously, eying the human, watching his mouth open as it moved toward…

No.

Todd couldn’t decide whether to push John’s head away or pull back so he did both, snarling.

John jerked up, his heartbeat quickened and the scent of fear laced the air. “Oh shit, what did I do wrong-“

But Todd wasn’t snarling at John, not really. “You will not debase yourself for my sake.”

The fear turned to confusion, thick and bitter. “Debase?” he asked, his voice rough with lust, “by giving a blow job?”

Todd nodded, the memories of the countless times Acastus had forced him to his knees and used his mouth ran through his head. He didn’t want to see John like that, he didn’t want to stoke those feelings of shame in his human ever. Even penetrating him the first time had been daunting; he would not have done so if there had been any reluctance in John’s mind – he would not hurt his lover, not for anything.

“Hey, hey.” John took his hands. “Slow down there buddy, hasn’t anyone ever given you a blowjob before?”

“Yes,” he snapped, “and I cannot stand to think that I might have-“

“You didn’t, Todd.” John was closer now. “Believe me, you really didn’t.”

“I must have,” he countered. “It does not feel good…”

John snorted, “only if you’re forced to.” He leaned up and pressed a chaste kiss to Todd’s lips. “Trust me, back in the day it was one of my favorite things to do with a partner.”

What? a million questions flew through his head; how? Why? What did he mean favorite? They all swarmed, none seeming good enough to be the first one he asked. None of them even seemed like they were askable.

All the while John looked at him with a kind, patient expression. The green of his eyes shone, the corners of his mouth crinkled his cheeks. His hair whispered on his forehead whenever Todd breathed.

It was looking at John that have Todd the courage to open his mouth. “I…” he said, the questions coming to a halt. “I do not…want one.”

He had not said no in years. He wasn’t even sure this was how to say it. Would John take offense? Would he press the matter? Would he realize Todd was actually too damaged to touch?

Maybe he would just take what he wanted because that was what men did.

“Never,” John brought his hands up to cup Todd’s cheeks. “I would never, I will never be him.”

Todd hesitated a moment before he leaned his face into John’s right hand and closed his eyes. He let himself purr, and took another small step towards admitting what a whirlwind of emotion anything like this brought on.

John joined their foreheads, then kissed his nose and wrapped his warm hand around Todd’s cock. “Come here and let me love you how you like.”

Todd smiled. He scooted forward so John could wrap an arm around him. His knuckles brushed over Todd’s spinal plates while his hand moved in slow, caring strokes. Todd mewled, he slumped his head against John’s shoulder, and nibbled his skin absently. Pleasure washed over him increasing waves as both of John’s hands became more intent in their action. His fingers played along the plates, pinching and rubbing under them; his wrist snapped up and down.

He groaned, unable to keep himself quiet as his mind undid itself under John’s touch. No one had ever touched him like this or hadn’t in a long time, and he wanted to live in how it felt.

Unfortunately, that couldn’t be, and before he knew it, Todd was moaning without reservation and sliding himself up in time to John’s pumps. He came easy after that, an intense heat releasing in hot white all over John’s chest.

“You- oh!” he gasped, biting down on John’s shoulder when the human dug his fingers against the softer part of one of his ridges. Todd’s cock snapped back to life in John’s hand, which hadn’t stopped moving – almost as if it knew this would happen.

One, two, three expert strokes ripped another orgasm from him with a deep, guttural moan. The sensation sent him up into the clouds, into that kind of best feeling in the world.

John coaxed him through it until Todd’s body relaxed. Then he wrapped his arms around Todd and pulled them both down on the nest. Todd made no move to change where his head was lying on his human’s stomach. He didn’t push John’s hands away when they rubbed gentle circles on his shoulders; he didn’t protest when he began to drift off to sleep.

There were no nightmares, there were no dreams at all. Todd slept soundly straight through whatever time passed. He woke, John still under him, feeling truly rested for perhaps the first time in years.

~

Both had no desire to move or do anything else aside from one trip to the bathroom for John. He was still naked when he came back and he simply crawled back into bed, this time his head on Todd’s shoulder, as if he had always been there.

Todd’s only action was to back to playing with the human’s messy locks while they lay there in comfortable silence.

Todd was actually starting to dose off again when John voiced “how come I never noticed these before?” his finger traced the curve of a taser scar, his touch pricking like the very same electricity that had put it there.

He didn’t pull away, barely even shivered, and offered, “you were not looking before.”

“No…” John sounded worried. “I wasn’t.”

Todd kissed the side of his head.

John was silent for a little but eventually, curiosity got the better of him and he asked the question which had been spinning in his mind for hours. “Ten years?”

“Hm?”

“You went through that for…ten years…”

Todd frowned, a small pit formed in his chest. This was, he supposed, the conversation he had promised. At least it was part of it… “I did,” he shifted so he could easily look at his human. “And indeed, it must seem long to you, I could not even say it was not long to me.”

“I’m sorry,” was the next thing out of John’s mouth. “I was so rude to you when we met. If I had had any idea-“

“You would not have acted differently.” Todd chuckled, brushing a stray piece of hair from John’s eyes.

He leaped to deny it, but Todd shook his head. “I was just another Wraith, Sheppard. It would not have mattered to you or your situation. You needed to get out, that would not have changed.”

“You can’t really believe that…” John sounded hurt. “Of course it wouldn’t have changed, but maybe I wouldn’t have…treated you like an animal.”

“You never treated me like an animal.” Todd was stern. “Never, not once, did you treat me as anything other than an equal.”

Pink-tinged John’s cheeks; he had nothing to say back to that.

Todd did though, “What you did reminded me of many of the reasons I stayed behind here in the first place.”

The pink turned to red and he dropped his head down to hide it. Todd, wanting to see that lovely face, made him look up with a strong hand. “Your people,” he said, kissing different places on John’s face. “and you are…” a lump formed in his throat, “you are what I waited for all these years.”

John said nothing to that, but he did hold Todd close, and so tight that even if someone tried to pull them apart, they would have failed.

~

“I killed him, you know,” John mumbled against Todd’s chest, his breathing tickling the skin.

Todd, who had been raking his fingers up and down John’s spine absently, paused. His lover must be talking about Acastus, but that wasn’t news. Todd knew that, John had told him so. “I know.”

“I mean it as an apology.” John shifted from under Todd’s arm, propping himself up with his hands so he could better see the Wraith. “I just shot him. He went down so quickly, didn’t even suffer a minute.” He looked angry. “It should have been you, so I’m sorry for taking that away.”

Todd shook his head, smiling despite himself. “Do not apologize for ridding the world of a monster.”

“But it-“

“He is dead, that is all that matters to me.” He was telling the truth, or at least part of it. Todd had dreamt about the day the world was free of Acastus, but he could never have done it himself. He would have been forced to wait at least another few decades for the end of the man if John hadn’t stepped in.

“You didn’t want to kill him?”

“In a perfect world, yes,” he admitted the half-truth easily. “But it is not a perfect world, and you found him first.” He ran a hand through John’s messy locks, indulging in their spiky soft texture “What you did, Sheppard, I find intensely romantic.”

John flushed. “I-I didn’t know Wraith liked romance…”

Todd grinned; he wrapped his arms around John and rolled so he landed on top, arms propping himself up, gazing down at his flustered human. “I think you will find, John Sheppard.” He bent down to capture his lips in a full kiss, “That I am very romantic.”

In a few minutes, Todd was buried deep inside John, obsessing over the way it felt to want something so much again.

~

The next time John asked a question, it was when his fingers found the stub of what was left of Todd’s finger.

“Did she order this?” He asked.

Todd frowned. In all honesty, he’d forgotten about it. “She ordered beatings, I confess I may have taunted Lewy into ordering this.”

At that John’s gaze turned murderous. “Will it heal?”

Todd shrugged. He looked at it and the fresh layer of skin growing over bone and muscle. It wouldn’t grow back; if it was going to then the many Wraith Todd had consumed would have made it. “It has healed.”

John grit his teeth. Todd kissed him to try to calm him down. “It is alright. One does not live as long as I do without amassing some injuries. I can wear a false claw.”

“You have enough injuries,” the human said. He pulled his arms around Todd and buried his face in the crook of the Wraith’s neck. “Jesus Todd, I thought I’d have to watch you die.”

Todd raked a hand through John’s hair and settled to cradle the back of his head. “She would not have killed me.” He told him, though what he would say next was much worse.

“No?”

“She would have stripped me of my ability to feed.”

At that, John went ridged. He struggled away from their embrace, hissing out a “what?” as he went.

Todd only reached for his hand and nodded. “It is the worst sort of justice I know.”

“Torture isn’t justice.”

The Wraith fell silent. He refused to meet John’s kind eyes.

“Buddy?” John asked softly. He brushed his thumb over the top of Todd’s which was holding the others in a limp grip.

Todd said nothing; he felt as if someone had cursed him not to speak.

John settled down beside him so they were lying side by side. He brought their hands onto his stomach so Todd could feel the rise and fall of his lover’s body. John breathed more often than Todd did, though not as deeply perhaps.

“What are you thinking about?” Came the question Todd knew he would ask. He didn’t poke or prod at the Wraith’s mind, he simply waited for the answer.

But how to answer it? he couldn’t actually tell John the truth, could he? Confess that he had ruined lives, manipulated a Queen, and caused so many so much pain that perhaps a slow death was the justice he deserved? He could not stop thinking about Lewy’s agony, and he couldn’t stop thinking that he would have done the same thing if their roles were reversed. If someone killed FirstLight, Todd would destroy them.

“Do you ever feel…” he started, shakily, “that you…maybe you are not the hero you believed you were?”

John’s hand tightened around Todd’s. There was silence for several seconds before he said, “Yeah…”

“Afghanistan?”

“Yeah…”

Todd sighed, letting himself relax just a little. “What I did, it hurt the ones I cared for. I have tried to make amends…I have tried to give it all a purpose, but after these past few weeks I find myself wondering if that is possible at all.”

John let out a sigh of his own. He rolled over so he could wrap his body around Todd’s. “I dunno man…maybe not.” He kissed the middle of Todd’s chest. “I just keep moving forward, keeping trying to save as many people as possible. There’s nothing we can do about the past.”

Todd chuckled. He wrapped his arms around John. What a wonderfully human answer.

John shimmied up so they were face to face. “That doesn’t mean you get to give up anymore though, okay? No more falling off the face of the universe, especially after confessing to me.”

Todd gave him a wry smile. “Alright.”

“Promise?”

Todd nodded. He could do that; he could stay present and hope that one day, things would not feel so awful.

“Shake on it?” John held up his right hand, his mouth set straight despite its obvious effort not to break into a smile.

“That is the custom,” Todd said, letting the words fall into his usual, humorous cadence. He grasped John’s hand, shook it once, then pressed a kiss to the top of it with a grin.

 

 

John

 

They were forced from the bed for a mutual reason; hunger. John hadn’t eaten since having that meal with Mirage and everyone. He’d felt fine up until his stomach had decided to twist into a knot and stab itself.

Todd asked Bonewhite to bring him something fit for a human, and something fit for him.

John’s stomach flipped at the thought of Todd feeding on a person right in front of him, but Todd assured him that he wouldn’t be. That only made it slightly better, but then again, John couldn’t really ask the Wraith to stop being Wraith.

He resolved to try not to think about it.

Not that that would be hard, there was plenty to think about.

Todd, having sex with Todd, having sex multiple times with Todd, and wanting to have a lot more sex with Todd was some of it. Truly he hadn’t had this much sex in years, and he’d never had this much sex in one day.

Todd chuckled.

John flushed. He was going to have to get used to thinking before he thought.

“Please,” Todd cooed, sitting down with his legs slightly open. He looked at John was a hungry expression. “That is hardly the most scandalous thing you have thought all day.”

“Wow, not helping.”

“Am I supposed to be?”

John glared the best he could, trying to maintain a little dignity even as he, for lack of a better option since the chairs were rooted to the floor, clambered onto Todd’s lap with his legs wrapped around his waist.

Todd’s lips quirked up. He kissed John full on the mouth and rooted a hand in his hair to keep him there. They weren’t naked at the moment, but it sure felt like it because John could feel every line and dent in Todd’s stomach through their incredibly thin shirts.

“If only we could eat each other.” John mused against his lips and rutted his hardening cock against Todd’s.

The Wraith's laugh was one of pure adoration. “One of us can.”

John snorted, but the mark on his chest burned, as did his stomach with something that wasn’t exactly fear. “Dying for another taste?”

“Something like that.” Todd slid his feeding hand up and under John’s shirt, playing his fingers over his flush, taunt skin.

John almost didn’t notice that it settled in their old spot, he almost didn’t realize that Todd wasn’t kidding…

At the first sense of alarm, Todd’s hand slipped down but John caught it and jerked it back flush against his body. The memory of how good the Gift of Life felt rushed through him, and hot tight desire curled in his groin. “I didn’t say no,” he hissed under his breath.

Todd didn’t let his obvious want show on his face quite yet. “You have not said yes either.”

John looked down at the Wraith, his Wraith, who was looking back with focused, desperate eyes. “No, I haven’t” he teased, kissing Todd roughly.

Todd groaned and opened his mouth to the kiss. He let John weasel his hand into his pants.

“Make me say yes, baby.” He whispered, taking Todd in hand and stroking him slowly.

Todd growled, low and possessive, his eyes flashing. He reached his other hand into John’s pants and mirrored the human’s stroking. His mouth suctioned to John’s neck, right under his ear. He moved between worrying and sucking the skin, gently moving downward. Every so often the thumbed the head of John’s cock and the human keened.

“For someone who was so hesitant before, you surprise me.” The alien breathed through bites.

“Please, even if a hundred of you pumped me with enzyme, I’d never be a worshiper.” His voice was shaky at best. The human was close to coming already, and Todd seemed to have no interest in slowing down.

Todd laughed, bending up to kiss his lover. “Perhaps not.”

They made out for a long while, until each was whining into the other’s mouth, and breathing like they hadn’t had air for hours. By the time Todd went back to leaving marks, John’s lips were swollen and numb.

“T-Todd…fuck…” John moaned when Todd teased at his slit at just the same time as he bit down above his collarbone. John was sure he sounded pathetic when he begged, “y-you win…oh god…”

Todd smirked. “Is that a yes?”

“Yes, fuck, please…”

Todd growled in the human’s ear and danced his fingers against his chest. Slowly, very slowly, he pressed his palm flat.

John moaned, wanting it more than anything. He could almost feel the rush, but then, for the first time, he noticed something unsure flash across Todd’s mind so he pulled the Wraith’s hand away. “Wait.”

Todd frowned. “Sheppard?”

“You aren’t ready for that, are you?” he felt like shit for not noticing and relieved that he had noticed before it was too late.

Todd fell silent for a moment.

“Todd?” John didn’t mean to sound harsh, but he also didn’t want Todd to think…well anything bad ever, but especially not that John would ever do anything to hurt him.

Todd flicked his eyes up, his head cocking to one side. He stared into John's eyes for a while - as if searching for something. Then, at last, Todd smiled and kissed him gently. “No.”

“Alright.” John smiled and helped Todd get his hand out of his shirt. “Something else then.”

Todd didn’t comment, but John felt something like gratefulness flash across their link. He resolved himself to have an actual “boundaries” talk with the Wraith once they weren’t so hard.

“Dealers choice,” he told the Wraith when he nipped John’s shoulder and asked what he would like.

If there was anything besides lust in Todd’s head now, John didn’t hear it. One moment he was in control, the next he was thrown flat over the table, his pants yanked down to his ankles with Todd’s cock pressed against his rim.

“Yes?”

“Y-Yeah.”

Todd thrust himself to the hilt in one quick motion. He gave John about a millisecond to adjust before he pinned his hands to the table and went for it

John was close almost instantly. Both from how insanely hot it was, and from the knowledge that they had food coming. Bonewhite could be here any moment and here John was, pinned to a table while a Wraith fucked the ever-loving shit out of him.

Todd bent down to suck a hot bruise into the other side of his neck. His cock angled right up against John’s prostrate and the human squirmed. He was panting, mouth lose enough to let out a long string of shameless moans and whimpers. All the while Todd fucked him, and his own cock bounced uselessly against his stomach, seconds away from squirting.

By the time Todd took him in his hand, John was in those tight stages of pre-orgasm. One thrust and the coil broke.

With a snarl, Todd seated himself deep inside and came. John moaned, squirming in Todd’s arms. The Wraith slid his right hand up and down John’s cock until the human was whimpering from overstimulation, then they each went limp.

“Fuck,” John breathed once he could think again, though his head was still floating somewhere in space. “Promise me you’ll do that again.”

“As many times as you’d like,” the Wraith’s voice was rough and tinged with sleepiness. He pulled himself out of John gently and sat back in the chair, bringing the human with him.

John placed his head in the crook of Todd’s neck and closed his eyes. He listened to Todd’s breathing and tried not to fall asleep, but with Todd stroking his back and purring loud enough to rattle the air, it was hard.

“I love you,” he told the Wraith through a yawn.

“And I, you.” Todd repositioned his hand so it cradled the back of John’s head.

John sighed, sleep seeming ever nicer now.

Thankfully, Bonewhite was at their door a matter of minutes later, coaxing John out of a half-dream so he could feed himself.

 

 

 

 

 

Notes:

Sluts, the both of them.

Next chapter I'll get back to the plot (of which there is actually some left, though nothing high-action or separation-inducing)

Thanks for reading and for the support!

Chapter 24: On the Edge

Summary:

Some more Todd lore, a few slash fic activities, and a tipping point (this is almost over I swear they aren't separating again)

Notes:

I know I keep saying this is almost over, that is because I forget how long it takes me to get to plot points. I'm gonna say this thing gets two more chapters after this one, whether or not you believe me is up to you.

In any case, enjoy!

John

 

Bonewhite brought him a platter piled with those dried things, sweets, and bread he’d eaten with Mirage’s family. His mouth salivated at just the sight of that square dessert.

Todd stepped out for a moment, pausing to give him a soft kiss before he went off with Bonewhite to have his own meal. John took it as an opportunity to stuff his face, nearly moaning as he piled pieces of spicy hard cheese on a soft, sweet roll, following it up with dried mango-like fruit. He was saving the desert for last.

By the time Todd came back in, looking a little more pigmented than before, a third of the platter was gone.

“Good?” the Wraith asked, reclining in his chair and crossing one leg over the other. He was audibly purring, and his eyes were shining with a slightly mischievous edge.

John nodded vehemently. He thrust a piece of bread out at Todd. “Try it, I haven’t had a meal this good in years.”

Todd’s hand snapped out, but it paused millimeters away and his entire expression changed.

John frowned. Had he made a mistake? Was it rude to offer a Wraith human food?

“No,” Todd answered and took it gingerly. “It is simply a…crossing of cultures,” he settled on, but his cheeks took on a blue-tinged hue. “For Wraith, meal sharing is…intimate in nature.”

“Ah…” John was also blushing, “In that case…” he slid the plate to the middle of the table with a stupid grin on his face.

Todd’s eyes softened and he gently stuck the bread in his mouth.

They ate in relative silence, John going for things indiscriminately while he noticed Todd avoided sweets in favor of more salty or fruity tastes. He did, however, reach for John’s favorite, holding it carefully in his hand while he examined it.

“I think Cadmus, that’s Mirage and Astra’s third kid, called it dala.”

Todd nodded, his whole head dipping as he did. “I call it Dalai, but I suppose some language has been lost to the years apart.”

“Dalai?” John repeated. Something about the name was familiar, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it.

“Mirage would make it when I visited,” Todd continued. “It employs something not as sickly sweet as sugar, more a nectar, and so it is consumable.”

John only half heard him. “Is that a Wraith or Lantian word?”

“Wraith, why?”

He shook his head. “No reason.” But he could swear he’d heard it somewhere before.

Todd shrugged and stuck the whole thing in his mouth, closing his eyes to taste it.

John wondered when he would talk to Mirage, if he even could talk to Mirage. Every time she or Astra was mentioned, he seemed to lock up.

Todd peaked an eye open; his mouth settled into something not unlike a frown. “It is complicated,” he answered after swallowing.

“Hm?” was all John said, not wanting to risk talking Todd into closing up. Like an armadillo, he thought with amusement or a possum.

“They have told you a little about our parting?”

“A little, yeah.”

Todd sighed. “It is not that I do not want to see them, it is that…I do not want them to see me the way I am.” He picked up a dried fruit and played it between his fingers. “They must remember me as a young, hopeful Commander. When I knew them, I was not worn by centuries of isolation and…it.”

‘It’ meaning Kolya. John reached his left hand out and Todd took it with his right. “But they’ve probably changed too, wouldn’t that make it better?”

Todd shook his head. “However they have changed will be nothing compared to me. You did not know me, John, I would never have been afraid to call on my Hive back then. I would not have run from danger, or played with the feelings of men. It would not have taken me so long to challenge the Queen, no matter our history.”

An indecipherable emotion crossed over his face; in their shared mind distant memories flashed a Todd as a young, handsome Wraith laughing with a group of bright-eyed humans and one Wraith who had to be Astra. Todd again, this time aboard a Hive, planning something with others all gathered around a table, listening intently.

“It has been a long ten thousand years since I saw them,” Todd said quietly. “And worse yet I have done absolutely nothing of note besides fall in love with you.”

John found himself smiling and blushing a little at the compliment; he squeezed Todd’s hand comfortingly. “Even if that’s true, and I’m sure it isn’t, I doubt they’ll care. My people just came here, it wasn’t like you could do anything before.”

Todd shook his head. “That isn’t it…” he drummed his fingers on John’s wrist.

“Then what is?”

The Wraith heaved a sigh. “Astra is Wraith, he will be able to sense my past. He will see past any act I put up…John, it is hard to talk about it with you, you cannot imagine how much I do not want to talk about it with him.”

John imagined himself taking Kolya by the neck and squeezing the life out of him. He let himself linger on what it might feel like to really end the man with his own bare hands before he told Todd. “There isn’t anything to be ashamed of. You were hurt, you didn’t ask for that.”

Todd flinched. His mouth parted slightly, and his mind roared with a million muffled words and blurry memories.

“Todd?” John asked as if the room was not spinning around him, as if his own chest was not tight with grief and despair. Even his very blood raced from phantom fear.

Then it all stopped. The fear, the clamor all snapped back to an eerie calm. The Wraith’s mind became a still lake, his emotions muted and cool.

“It is nothing,” Todd offered once he saw John’s expression. “Only memory. It does sneak up on me from time to time.”

“Todd…” John did not believe him.

“It is nothing, Sheppard. Nothing but shame I know is misplaced. You are right, I did not ask for it.”

But the Wraith’s mind was guarded, parts of it sealed as tightly as they had been when the pair was separated.

Jon looked into his lover’s eyes, and though he found nothing but his own reflection in them, he knew Todd was lying through his teeth about his feelings.

It took the human, then, a considerable effort to not dig. He wouldn’t force what was so clearly a very sensitive subject out into the open like that. Even if he had an idea of what that subject was, and even if he disagreed, very strongly, with Todd’s shame and guilt around it.

He could be patient, he could wait. In time there would be conversations. In time, over many nights and days, John would piece together Todd’s life. He would build, in his head, a portrait of the male he loved. But it didn’t have to happen now; Todd had given more than enough on the Kolya front. Even if he never spoke another word about it, John would understand.

The alien’s lips quirked up. His hand, which had been gripping the table hard enough to cut it on his claws, relaxed.

John smiled somewhat nervously. He searched for something to say, but no topic was good enough.

“Sometimes it is okay to be silent,” Todd offered.

He blushed, “I-“

“It is alright to simply enjoy one another’s company for a few moments. Allow yourself to breathe, I know I must.”

“I never talk this much either, really I-“

“John.”

“I can’t help it!” He practically squeaked. “I-I-“ John didn’t know why he was so nervous. Maybe the worry that he’d fuck up was setting him on edge.

Todd leaned across the table and planted a kiss on John’s lips that made his head spin. A strong hand held him there for several, breathless moments until Todd whispered. “Am I that intimidating?”

John cursed into Todd’s mouth and pulled him closer by the front of his shirt. “Maybe.”

The alien snickered. “Come here,” he ordered, and John found himself around the table before his head could even process the command.

Todd pulled him up onto the table again and ripped John’s shirt open; all the while never letting their lips part. The human tried to do the same, but the material Todd wore was surprisingly strong. At least it was for him because Todd sliced it open on a claw and let John wrap his arms around his bare chest and back.

They kissed like that for a while, Todd’s hands tangled in John’s hair and John’s fingers playing over those back spurs again. Todd loved it so much that he nearly toppled the table and them both from all his nuzzling.

John could feel Todd’s cock hard against his thigh. His own strained upward where it was met with a big hand moving over the cloth of his sweatpants.

“Bed,” John groaned breathlessly.

Todd nodded, not breaking their kiss even when he picked the human up bridal style, not when he laid him down on the pillows and slid a hand into his pants, and wrapped his hand around his cock.

Todd started to stroke, which felt amazing, but it wasn’t how John wanted to come. He bit his boyfriend’s lip gently and murmured, “I want to be on my stomach.”

Todd’s expression was nothing short of devious. He turned John over easily and grabbed his hips to angle his ass up.

“You don’t need to prepare me either.” John bunched blankets in his hands and slid his lower half further up. “N-Not so soon after- ugh.” He groaned when Todd slid his slicked-up cock inside without any warning. He cursed when the alien snapped his hips forward the rest of the way and fell on John, pushing his upper half into the bed in such a way that John couldn’t move if he wanted to. His cock remained woefully up in the air.

From there, Todd laced their fingers together and attached his lips to John’s already bruised-to-hell neck. his lips were wet and hot his teeth scraped over tender flesh. Todd was growling, or maybe purring; in any case, it was deep and primal, John felt somehow both the object of desire and almost not there at all. He loved it.

When Todd finally did move, his pace was slow and uneven, purposely missing John’s prostate or managing sure only slide against it. It wasn’t until John was shaking, grinding his hips up against Todd, and whimpering the best he could with his mouth full of cloth that Todd finally gave him what he wanted and picked up the pace.

The sound of skin on skin, Todd’s groans, and John’s heavy breathing filled the space. John was at the edge in an instant, revealing in each direct hit to his prostate, and each time Todd ground against it before taking on a somehow faster pace than before.

‘Tell me you love me,’ he growled in John’s head, perhaps aware that John’s vision had gone a few seconds ago, or that his body was about to explode. His own precome hit the backs of his calves each time Todd rocked them forward.

“Tell me,” he commanded, ‘I need to hear it.’

John groaned, feeling the pressure in his stomach began to rise in that all-too-familiar way.

‘John.’ His breath hitched, even his mind-voice bordered on desperate.

‘I think I was made for you,’ the words flew out of his head and into Todd’s a second before the pressure released and flooded his body with a high that put all others to shame.

Todd went at it, forcing John to ride the wave until it was almost painful, until Todd finally spilled and seated himself inside, sinking his teeth into John’s shoulder as he did.

John swore, but he never wanted the feeling to go away.

Todd stayed inside long after they’d both come back to Earth – or the Hive in this case. John didn’t even mind that it felt like a two-ton animal had made a home on his back because it was Todd, and Todd was purring like crazy, nuzzling his face into John’s hair and rubbing circles on his over-sensitive hips.

‘Do you love me?’ Was all he could think to say.

‘Love is too soft a word,’ Todd responded, mouthing at the wound he’d created.

‘Good,’ John said, his own voice seeming distant, even in his head. ‘Because I don’t let just anyone-‘

Todd rolled off of him only to pull John up and onto his stomach, lift him up and slide him right back into his cock. It was hard again.

John swore. He ran a hand through his hair, the other steadied himself using Todd’s hip. “Fuck man, you don’t act your age.”

Todd snickered. “I have no age.” He rolled his hips. “Is it okay?”

“Duh, but you’re doing the heavy lifting.”

“I am happy to.”

~

Todd kept him going for a third time, a miracle for any man really, before John finally had to let the alien know that if they tried again so soon then it would be an embarrassing failure. They ended up curled against each other, wrapped in a blanket, listening to heartbeats and breathing until John finally remembered something he wanted to say.

“Tell me about them.”

“Who?” Todd asked while he lazily stroked John’s back.

“Mirage and Astra.” John’s voice was rough and quiet. “How did you meet?”

He couldn’t see Todd, but the Wraith’s mind brightened with genuine pleasure. “Mirage or Astra?”

“Astra, I wanna know what his deal is.” He squirmed closer to Todd. Peaking one eye open to see his partner’s face.

Todd chuckled. “I see he had not changed then.”

“Yeah, he’s sort of like you, except a little more people-like.”

Todd brightened further. His chest rumbled. “Very well.” He said, half grinning half smirking, “It is a funny story actually.” He kissed the top of John's head and nuzzled against his hair for a moment. “It starts in a nest not unlike this one, on a Hive I had just come to…”

~

Guide, the newly appointed Commander of the Queen of Sprawling Skies’ main Hive, was halfway to sleep when he heard the door to his room slid open. It was a near-silent slide, one that had to have been intentionally quieted. Someone didn’t want Guide to know this was happening.

Forcing down the urge to stand up and defend himself, he slowed his breathing to mimic full sleep and listened intently to the nearly inaudible sound of feet coming closer to his nest.

Was someone here to challenge him already? After only a few sleep cycles on the Hive? He thought he had been doing well, appeasing the Wraith who were mourning their old Commander, and securing the Wraith who cheered for him. Perhaps he had gone in too quickly with some of the changes? But they were meant to help, not hurt…

The sound got louder, closer. Soon the intruder would be on him, and it would be too late.

 Gently, Guide inched his off-hand down his side to retrieve the hidden dagger he slept with. He had to be careful not to show he was awake and lose the element of surprise. He closed his fist around the hilt, flexed his feeding hand, and waited those last few seconds.

Whoever it was, as long as Guide kept still, they were dead.

A slight dip in the softness indicated that the intruder had entered the nest.

It wasn't until he felt something touch his hair that he acted. In less time than it took to blink, he snapped his right hand up and closed it around the assailant’s arm. The lights came on as Guide pulled, and twisted, flinging his attacker onto their back and landing heavily on top, knife to their throat and right hand shifted to rest on the center of their chest.

“Who-“ the words died in his throat, replaced by the shock of seeing not a full-grown assassin, but a youngling with a grooming knife in his little hand.

“What…” Guide said roughly. “What is the meaning of this?” His hands flexed around the youngling’s wrists. He looked back at Guide with eyes so wide they might fall out of his head.

He was still small, old enough to feed, yet young enough to not have obtain a facial marking. His long hair also hung loose; a sure sign that he hadn’t even been selected for apprenticeship yet. If Guide had to guess, this one had not seen his first hibernation.

“Who are you?” Guide demanded.

The youngling said nothing, but his bottom lip trembled, as did the rest of him.

Once again, Guide flexed his hands, trying to feel out any tension in the little one’s body, any place he might try to move or run from. He took a brief moment to scent the air, and discovered terror, but not the kind of terror that one had when they were planning to kill another and then was caught.

“Ah, I see.” Guide knew at that moment that whatever was going on was not serious, or at least was of no real danger to himself.

That didn’t mean he should not be curious. Furthermore, it did not mean that this action, a crime punishable by exile, could go ignored. “I asked you a question,” he spit, “two actually. So, answer me.”

The thing just whimpered.

With a groan, Guide pulled back, taking the knife with him with ease. “Do today’s younglings not learn to speak when spoken to?” Perhaps he had his tongue cut out for previous bad behavior. If so, he should make that known as quickly as possible before Guide decided to teach him a lesson he did not need.

“I-It was not my intention to-to hurt you!” he finally spoke, scampering to his feet. He looked as if he was about to dash so Guide reached out and grabbed his ankle.

“Then enlighten me to your intention, if you would,” Guide sneered.

Again, just a stare.

Guide narrowed his eyes. He let a snarl jump from the back of his throat.

The youngling was shaking again. his eyes darted from the hand on his ankle, the knife, and the older Wraith’s hair.

Guide only had to watch that pathetic display for a moment before his snarl and scowl dissipated. Understanding colored the chuckle that burst from his chest.

The youngling grew more frightened if that was possible. He did not understand that Guide was no longer upset at him. If anything he was overly amused. It had been long since he’d encountered youth, but he still remembered the stupid things young males did to prove themselves.

 If Guide guessed right, this particular male had been trying to sever a lock of his hair.

Relieved that this had not been an assassination attempt, Guide released his foot. “A good officer must think for himself, he must not listen to the taunts of others.”

“C-Commander?”

“You heard me,” he pocketed the knife. “Whoever put you up to this is not to be listened to. You are lucky I am not like some of the others. One such as the Weapons Master would have not hesitated to split you nose to belly.”

Guide sat back on his heels, placing his feeding organ against the nest as a sign of pacifism. “Though personally, I admire your gal. Not many would believe they could sneak into my rooms without waking me.”

The youngling did not meet his eyes.

“What was the bet then? To bring back a lock of hair? Were you seeking to prove your own stealth or my weakness?”

The youngling shrugged.

“Answer me,” Guide commanded.

Very, very quietly, he mumbled. “Both.”

Guide barked a laugh. “Then you are not stealthy, and I am not weak.”

“No, Commander.”

Guide was still chuckling. It was probably only because he was young, barely two thousand years old, that he hadn’t killed the little one anyways. “No, Commander, is right. And it is Commander, in case you forgot.”

The little one looked down in shame. He was right to be ashamed of course. Yet…yet Guide found this all interesting, and he couldn’t help himself from asking. “Why did you think you could do it? You against me, what kind of odds did you think those were?”

He looked up in shock, his mouth hanging open just a little.

“And I want the truth. In fact, if you lie to me, I will find a punishment for this whole stunt.”

He gulped, taking several nervous seconds to finally speak. “They say…they say you are too young and too bold.”

He narrowed his eyes. “Really?”

“They say you are only here because of luck, that you did not earn your spot…they say you won’t last more than a regeneration under her.” He spoke quickly as if the words somehow held the power to end his life.

“Is that all they say?” Guide’s body burned with anger, but not directed at the little one. He had heard those particular taunts before from Blade, the weapon’s master; a Wraith who seemed to have it for him since day one. But he did not know the opinion was shared by others.

“Y-Yes…”

Guide could taste the lie in the air. He snarled “The truth, or I take your hand.”

He squeaked, “S-Some think you do not even respect the Queen! T-They wonder why you change her system, why you think you have the r-right to…they…there are rumors.”

“Rumors?” His voice was acid in the air.

“Rumors that…that you think you are better than her…”

“Oh…” he couldn’t help the way his voice cracked. Disappointed filled him head to toe. The rumors were true and knowing there were whispers told him he was forgetting FirstLight’s lessons. Lessons that were supposed to have stuck, lessons that if now remembered, could cost him his life.

Forgetting already…The old Wraith would skin him alive for this if he ever knew.

“Is it true?” the youngling asked, but Guide was a million miles away from there.

How could it have happened so easily, so quickly?

“Commander?”

“Hm?” He should have been listening more closely, he shouldn’t have let his position speak for itself.

“Commander I asked-“

“What, hatchling, what?” he shouldn’t have been so bold. He should have laid low like he was told to a million and one times.

The youngling flinched, but fear didn’t stop him from asking, in the smallest voice possible, “Are you better than her?”

Shock, and a bit of hop jolted him back to the present. “Pardon?”

Instead of cowering again, the youngling raised his chin. “Are you better than her?”

Oh… “W-What?”

“C-Can others feel this way? Because I- well- I have always felt…and you seem…and I-“

He listened to the little one ramble on for quite some time while he tried to wrap his mind around what was happening. Another Wraith was confessing to being like him? It was possible for another Wraith to feel this way? It was not just him and FirstLight?

“T-That’s why I broke in…well I did wanna prove myself, but maybe if you didn’t kill me I was gonna also ask you…a-and I-“

What should he say? That is was true? That he did, on some level he’d been taught to bury, believed the Hive would be much better off with him at the helm. Could he say? It could very well be a trick…

Guide scented the air and found no deception, but that meant nothing. “Make yourself known,” he ordered the youngling. Guide hadn’t very much joined the Hive mind yet, Blade had, honestly, frightened him away from a full giving. He wasn’t ready yet to hide those deep parts of himself at all hours from everyone, but he wouldn’t be sure the youngling wasn’t lying until he saw it for himself the natural way.

The wraith’s eyes went wide, and from the fear in his eyes no doubt he was thinking the same thing about Guide, that he was a deceiver.

“I will make myself known as well,” he offered.

The youngling thought on that for a moment. His eyes darted all around as if searching for something, anything to reassure him.

“I would have killed you by now if I wanted to,” Guide once again offered. “But you see, I must be sure before I say anything to either side.”

They looked into each other’s eyes, each full of hope until finally the youngling breathed a sigh and let open his mental walls to invite his Commander inside.

Guide did the same, taking a risk and bearing that very part of him that was punishable by death.

What he was met with was a rush of familiar emotion; of waking up and feeling fundamentally alone, of searching out like minds, of dropping a few seconds after the rest of the Hive when the Queen passed, of being confused when others were so ready to die, of feeling like something very basic was missing, and of not knowing why.

“Brother,” Guide choked out, his own mind displaying the very same.

That had been the first time in all Guide’s life that he’d met another who couldn’t follow the chain of command. Astra, as he would later be named, had been the first brother Guide had ever found.

~

“Whoa,” John whispered. “What…what did you do?”

Todd smiled. “I lopped off a piece of my hair and sent him on his way, but only after he agreed to study under me.”

The human smiled back. “So…he thinks like you, do you know why?”

“For all my life, John, I have never known. I guess some Wraith are just hatched that way. FirstLight, Astra, and I are just…an unlucky bunch.”

“Hey.” He nuzzled Todd’s cheek, letting his stubble rub over the Wraith's left sensory pit. “Don’t say that. If you were some Queen obsessed drone, then we never would have met.”

That made Todd laugh. It also made him pull John’s head closer for a deep, breath-stealing kiss, ‘A lovely way to look at it, Sheppard, and truly human in every way.’

~

They left Astra at that, John not wanting to force Todd into reliving painful memories, or end him into a fit of mourning over what he’d lost. He also didn’t dare to ask about Mirage, not with the way Todd had been looking at him throughout the story.

He did, however, have more questions regarding Todd’s other family.

“Spit it out,” Todd said with a humorous edge.

“Huh?” John feigned innocence.

“The question you wish to ask, I can hear it spinning in your mind.”

“Ah.” heat rose up his cheeks. He was never going to get used to that.

“Ah.” Todd smiled at him.

John gulped, twisting a fluffy blanket in his hand. “Out of curiosity more than anything really…who uh…who is FirstLight exactly?”

At that, Todd sighed. He shifted so he could get a better look at John. “A question indeed.” He raked his hand through John’s hair, tickling his nails on his scalp. “What do you know?”

John nearly moaned but managed to keep his composure. “Well…Astra told me he was your mentor, and Bonewhite told me that he’d your estranged mentor. And you told me you really don’t want to see him.”

Todd hummed, it vibrated the space. “All true, but I suppose it is more complicated than that.”

“Complicated how?”

Todd made a face. “Just…complicated.” He drummed his nails on John’s neck as if deep in thought. “It is like…to try to describe it would be to attempt to denominate the universe in a single word.”

“So, complicated?” He gave Todd a smile and offered his hand. “How about you just tell me something? Say…why you didn’t want him showing up yesterday.”

Todd accepted the hand, squeezing it a little too tightly to have a hope of hiding his emotions behind his mask. “Very well, I suppose if we are to be together for a while then it is safe to say you will meet him. He does have a habit of turning up in my life.”

“Like a dad?”

“Like a warden.”

“Ah.” John smiled a knowing smile. “Strained relationships are something I’m very familiar with.”

Todd barked a laugh. “Yes, he always believes he knows best. For my entire life, he has been like that.” He paused as if considering his next words. “First Light of the Morning Star, the Demigod of the Dawn.”

“Demigod?”

“When you are among the first Wraith to take to the stars when you and your mate run the most powerful Wraith faction, and nearly every Wraith in the known universe knows your name and bows to it, you adopt some titles.”

 John Whistled. “That’s quite an act to follow.”

Todd’s face said it all.

“My dad sucked too,” John found himself saying. “He was all for formal shit and titles. I hated it so much that I joined the military just so I wouldn’t have to participate in that life.”

Todd hummed his agreement. “I cannot say I ran from it…but…” he sighed. “We had a few glaring differences in opinion. Humans, mostly. I believed, believe, our species match each other in intelligence and capacity for emotion. FirstLight believes that human lives are disposable. He is older than most things alive today and very set in his ways. Any possibility of upsetting the status quo means an instant shutdown.” Todd rolled his eyes. “It is something we’ve never been able to get past no matter what I’ve tried.”

“Well…”

“And on top of that, he is vain, elitist, self-obsessed, and will do anything to keep himself and his Queen in power.” His eyes flashed and his lips curled back into a less-than-friendly snarl.

John gulped; his fingers tightened around Todd’s hand.

Todd shook his head, a low growl still in the back of his throat. “We do not get along, have not for millennia.” But there was something on the tip of his tongue and right beyond the reach of John’s mind.

“But?” the human prompted, and Todd once again gained a sour expression, this time like he wasn’t used to being caught.

“Todd, it’s okay.”

“But…when I needed him most he was there for me. After Acastus, when you left me on that planet, I needed somewhere to go…and he took me in. I spend my recovery there by his side. He was…kind…” his lips turned up. “Like he was when I was young. He even let me go when I was ready. I do not understand it, John. There was a time when he would not even look at me, and now he is sending Wraith to my rescue.”

John blew air through his nose and shook his head. “My dad came to my damn Airforce basic training graduation. My dad, the guy who beat me black and blue after I told him I wanted to join.”

A low growl emanated from Todd, his eyes grew dark again.

John waved his hand dismissively. “What I mean is that parents don’t make any sense; they just do stuff, sometimes stuff that contradicts what they did two seconds ago. So, you’re not alone, huh? Whatever complicated feelings you have in your head, I’ve got them too.”

Todd relaxed, but only a little. “I only wish he would make up his mind.”

“Maybe he has?”

“Perhaps, but I will never truly know.”

“Then forget about him.” John smiled. He leaned across the table and captured Todd’s lips in a kiss. “Right now we’re right here, and that’s all that really matters.”

The conversation ended with John flat on his back and moaning while Todd lavished him until they both grew so tired that they finally succumbed to sleep.

~

They were both awoken by a knock on the door. John groaned, stretching his exhausted body out before flopping with his face on Todd’s bare shoulder. His whole body ached; especially his ass.

The Wraith purred lightly, carding his fingers through John’s hair sleepily. “Yes?” he asked, irritation plain in his voice.

“We have arrived at Astra’s Hive, Commander.” It was Bonewhite. “I have been asked to ask John Sheppard to come to the Bridge to relay his report to Mr. Woolsey.”

“Can it wait?” Todd sounded tense.

“I do not think so…”

John groaned. “I knew this wouldn’t last forever…” he leaned up and kissed Todd with more than a little hunger. Just because he was tired didn’t mean he wanted to stop them being one body any time soon.

Todd clasped his waist and parted his lips to allow John entrance. ‘We do not have to go yet, do we?’ he said over their link. He sounded a little desperate, like being separated from John might physically hurt him.

It would physically hurt John, but it had to be done. The Colonel pressed his body closer. ‘When duty calls, I answer. Besides we should be thankful he’s not making me come back down there yet.’

Todd chuckled knowingly and nipped at John’s bottom lip. ‘Well then, best not to complain.’

 

 

 

Todd

 

He reclined in the nest and watched John Sheppard dress in his real clothes and wondered how he’d happened upon such a man. He was mouthwatering both naked and dressed. The curve of his ass and the trail of hair rising from the bottom of his belly to the top of his belly button made Todd weak in the knees (and he wasn’t even standing). His rosy cheeks, messy hair, and shining eyes were swoon-worthy. His lover was covered in bite marks bruises and little scratches which would all take days to heal. Days of Todd’s marking on his body – though if Todd had his way, John Sheppard would never have clear skin again.

Yes, Todd’s nerves were fried, and he probably talked for too long about too many things, but just being in John’s presence was enough to calm him. Not just physically, but emotionally as well. His mental presence was like a salve.

Todd was inclined to carry him back to the nest and let his body coerce another hour or so out of his lover but knew how dedicated John was to Atlantis, and he found it unimaginably appealing. A good commander was wholly dedicated to his Hive, so it went to say that a good leader cared for his city. Todd wanted an equal, he craved one actually, and John Sheppard was as close to that as possible.

“I’m no commander,’ John snorted.

“I disagree,” Todd said lazily, not bothering to get up just yet. “You command your city, your people, you are one by natural order.”

“Yeah, but I’m not like, the one in charge.”

Todd frowned. “Mr. Woolsey has the title, yes, but if you could see through my eyes you would understand where the real authority lies.”

“You’re just saying that cuz you like me, now get up so I can say goodbye properly.”

Todd snorted as well. He slowly exited the nest, keeping his eyes on John the whole time. The human’s eyes were somewhere else.

Todd didn’t bother being modest; though he was surprised when he didn’t mind being watched. He certainly had minded in Acastus’s cage…

Though maybe, like John’s willingness to have sex with Todd despite his past, the human was an exception to the rule.

As quickly as the thought entered his mind, a new, terrible one formed. John's past…his present…that night in the woods where he had…

Oh no...

A chill ran up Todd’s spine; his stomach lurched, and dread formed a heavy pit in the bottom of it. What had he done?

 “John?” he asked shakily.

“Hm?” John frowned. When he caught the emotion, it deepened. “What’s wrong?”

“You told me you might be shunned from Atlantis if we coupled…” at once he felt so selfish that his very skin ached to be in. Had he been so caught up in desire that he’d ruined the thing his human loved most of all? Would he be forced to go back to earth, to leave his home, his friends, and the sky?

John let out a grim laugh. “About that…turns out I was fucking wrong.”

“Oh?” hope and relief flood his bloodstream.

“Yeah uh…” He blushed, looking adorably embarrassed. “My friends didn’t give a shit, Woolsey even authorized this whole thing. Under the table, of course, but…” he turned to Todd, a proud grin on his face. “As long as we don’t go around making out in public, things will probably be just fine.”

Todd chirped, the noise becoming a purr.  He embraced his lover and kissed those lips, holding him tight and tangling one hand in his hair.

Bonewhite knocked again. ‘Commander?’

‘Give me a moment, Bonewhite.’

When John groaned, Todd yanked him closer and growled into his mouth. He broke their kiss to suck an old bruise back to life, making the human whimper.

“You sound lovely like this,” he purred.

'Commander we-'

Todd blocked him off and slid his hands down to paw at John's ass. 

“J-Jesus…” John pawed weakly at Todd’s pants.

The Wraith chuckled darkly, "you melt so easily," he teased against his lovers lips.

Whatever John was going to say got stuck in his throat; it was adorable how flustered he got.

Unforntaly, they did need to go. 

‘Bonewhite is getting anxious,’ Todd said across their link and regretfully pulled away. ‘We should go.’

John looked a little lost, and a little more than disappointed; then, as his brain caught up, he looked shocked. "Wait, we? You want to go out there?" 

‘It is only the control room, and I do not wish to be without you,’ he admitted freely, refusing to flush. ‘Not now.’

‘Good,’ John grinned and kissed him on the cheek. He laced his left hand and Todd’s right together. ‘I was hoping you’d say that.’

~

It wasn’t hard to walk there with Bonewhite on one side and John on the other. Though Todd didn’t miss his brother’s narrow-eyed glances at John’s neck, or the way his face had screwed up in disgust at the smell of their room.

Lying with humans wasn’t strictly taboo, but it was generally expected that you’d eat them after. Most Wraith Todd knew had never even spoken to a human before though, let alone enjoyed one carnally.

Bonewhite made a noise of displeasure as that thought gently glanced off the side of his mind. Todd flinched too, but only because he wasn’t used to it yet. In his youth, he’d been a part of a Hive mind in every single way possible, and he’d loved it. After the Attero device, he’d had to put up such high and strong walls that rarely did he ever share thoughts with another. A part of him hoped that when he could face his old Hive, they would be able to form a mind with him the way they had before.

John smiled a little and his grip tightened to a comforting squeeze.

The command center was empty, truly. Todd wondered where the other Wraith were if they weren’t assisting the piolet. At that, Bonewhite bristled. Todd made a mental note to ask him about that as soon as he could.

Bonewhite lead John to the main screen and navigated it until they picked up a connection with Astra’s Hive. He told John to speak as he would on any of his ships, and that the signal would be sent to the Hive, where it would be patched through the gate to a secure channel in Mr. Woolsey’s office.

“Elaborate,” John commented.

Bonewhite shrugged. “If you were Wraith you could simply communicate to him through the Hive mind.”

“We are close enough for that?” Todd said in a small effort to put his brother in his place. While Wraith could sometimes reach each other over long distances, it only happened if the two Wraith were exceptionally close. Mates, mentors, or apprentices mostly. Or Wraith who had recently engaged in the gift.

Bonewhite’s lip curled back, but he shook his head and murmured. “I suppose not.”

Todd hummed lightly. He sent some of his amusement across his and John’s link and the human’s shoulders untensed.

Bonewhite came to stand beside Todd when John started talking. He seemed more annoyed than he had only seconds ago.

Todd took him by the bicep. ‘Speak your mind.’

‘A human?’ he was as quick and unabashed as always.

‘You knew of my affections before we left FirstLight’s Hive. Why is this coming out now?’ As if I don’t already have enough to deal with, was what he didn’t let from behind his wall.

Bonewhite made a face that resembled a Wraith finding his Queen slaughtered. ‘I do not know, but I know I do not like it.’

‘You will have to if you wish to remain here as my second. John Sheppard is a part of me now, one I will not let go.’

Todd was used to this, so used to it that it barely even stung. But he did wish that just one Wraith, just one, would not see humans simply for their life force. He wanted that Wraith to be his closest friend and ally, but maybe it was not possible.

Bonewhite shuddered. “I understand that…’

‘Then what is the problem, brother?’ Todd relaxed his grip on Bonewhite’s arm. He brushed his thumb over the clothed skin gently.

‘He has threatened you multiple times, shown you aggression and an ill-temperament.”

“It is more complex than that.”

“That is what you say about the other one.”

Ah, that explained it. ‘You are worried for me?’ Todd could see where the connection was coming from. He’d told Bonewhite most of what had happened between him and Acastus, and in the same breath rejected the younger Wraith’s insistence on hunting him down and skinning him alive. Sheppard had been quite awful in the past…but Todd had been inside his head since then. He knew for sure it wasn’t the same thing.

‘Of course, I am worried for you,’ Bonewhite said. ‘You are my brother.’

Todd couldn’t help the feeling of warmth he got from the name. Brother. It had been long since anyone called him such.

‘Commander?’ Bonewhite asked when Todd didn’t speak. ‘Are you alright?’

He nodded. ‘Just thinking…” wondering really…maybe Bonewhite would allow…

“Would you allow me to share an emotion with you? It might help.’

Bonewhite looked skeptical, but he agreed.

Todd closed his eyes. He took a deep, steeling breath and let his walls come down just a peak, just enough to let what he felt for the human through. He was careful in selecting the moment, the emotion. Too much would overwhelm his brother, too little would be shallow and meaningless. He flicked through every second of their past day together until he landed on it what felt like being heard.

Love, light, the sharp ache of desire. Shock, awe, and confusion. A whirlwind of conflicting feelings rushed through his body as he gazed down at the first living thing in a long time to respect him when he pushed them away. He traced the contours of John’s face as he lay on that table, excited for an experience Todd couldn’t give him. Not yet. The Wraith thought that that might make John mad, but John pulled his hand away from his chest. Joy flooded Todd, joy and the final bit of understanding that John Sheppard was not going to hurt him. That there was nothing about Todd to take or conquer anymore. The acceptance was like a wave sent to wash away the residue of doubt. If anything could have proved that finally, finally, Tod had found a safe place, it would be this.

Bonewhite’s eyes grew wide with understanding. By the time Todd closed himself again, the younger Wraith was breathing heavier, his body seeming to slump under the weight of it all.

Todd rubbed his back. ‘I understand your hesitance, believe me, I do. But John Sheppard is not the one to turn your anger towards.’

‘And if he is pretending?’

Todd chuckled. ‘Then I will owe you an apology.’

‘And if the Lantaians betray us?’

‘I am prepared to stand my ground, I always am.’

Bonewhite’s face still retained its sour expression, but inwardly something in him gave and he nodded. ‘Very well. But I would like to keep my interactions with the humans to a minimum.’

‘You shall be busy running the Ship when I am absent.’

The younger Wraith let a very rare look of pleasure cross his face.

Seconds later, John slapped his hand on the control console and groaned. “Fuck.”

A snarl rose in Bonewhite’s throat which Todd shot down with a look. It wasn’t John’s fault that he didn’t know the Hive could feel pain. “What is it?”

“Woolsey wants me back; says it’s urgent.”

“An emergency?”

“Nah, but it’s still urgent,” he grumbled. “He says I need to come now…”

“How long will you be gone?” Todd felt a little silly asking, but he wasn’t going to hide his disappointment either.

John shrugged, turning up his hands. “Who can tell…” he closed their distance and pulled down by the shirt collar to kiss him. “Soon I hope.”

Todd ran his tongue across the part of John’s lips until the human let him inside. With one hand cradling the back of his head, Todd kissed him until Bonewhite cleared his throat which made John jump away. His red face had Todd chuckling just as much as it had him swooning.

This perfect, perfect human who he was so tragically in love with. How had he gotten so lucky?

~

The goodbye was long, and neither really wanted to separate. Todd briefly wondered whether or not he should offer to come along. He untimely decided against it; he wanted to give his lover time to process their relationship, and all that had happened. Todd honestly needed that too. He needed to sit in the water of a bath and clear his senses; make sense of all of the good that was happening.

And there was no way he was going on Astra’s Hive.

When John was gone, when he was only a faint presence in Todd’s mind, the alien let out a sigh that forced all the air from his lungs. He stayed breathless for a moment, eyes trained on the spot John and the Jumper had once filled, then breathed in a new hour. His mind would go to other things, more serious things. He missed the human’s presence terribly, but other matters could distract him; at least for a time.

The matter of Astra and Mirage weighed much more heavily now that he didn’t have anyone to kiss about it.

He should face them, he really should. Just not with this hair, and this scar-littered body. Not when he wasn’t the striking image of power and control he had been the last time they met.

“Commander?” Bonewhite asked, shaking Todd from his glassy-eyed daze.

“Hm?” He shook his body to encourage thought.

“Would you like to return to the bridge or to your rooms?”

Todd let out another, shallower sigh. “My rooms, I need to think…”

Bonewhite’s lips glanced back. He didn’t approve of leaving his Commander alone.

“I will be fine, brother. I just need to bathe.”

The younger Wraith relented, turning his right palm toward the floor to show cessation. “I will walk with you then.” Not an offer, an order. Or, as close to an order as Todd would allow.

Todd didn’t argue, he liked the company. He definitely didn’t want to navigate another unfamiliar ship alone.

~

“How is FirstLight?” Todd asked on the way. His conversation with Sheppard was still on his mind in a very raw way. Not for a while did he have such an intense desire to speak to his mentor, and yet he never wanted to see him again.

“What do you mean?”

“How…you know, how is doing? It has been long since you saw him as well.”

Bonewhite looked at Todd like he was insane. “He asked the same thing about you. The you prior to your capture, of course.”

“He did?” Todd would be lying if he said that didn’t make him happy.

“Indeed, he is also a very strange Wraith.”

Todd shoved him playfully and earned a shove back. “Just tell me.”

Bonewhite rolled his eyes. “He is FirstLight. He was in a bad mood prior to my telling him you were captured, and he was in a worse mood after.”

“Bad mood? Why?”

“Commander, do I look like the kind of Wraith who has access to FirstLight’s head?”

It was Todd’s turn to roll his eyes. “Probably a territory dispute. The stock shortages have led to a lot of Wraith becoming desperate. He owns so many planets, they’re bound to get jealous or even vengeful.”

“They are his, they always have been.”

“In times of war, Bonewhite, nothing is strictly anyone’s.”

The younger snorted again. “So if you had a planet, you’d allow other clans to cull it?”

“No, but I would ration to Hives that could offer some sort of exchange or loyalty. I am assuming he is turning them down without a glance.”

“I would not know.”

“Yes, but I would.” He narrowed his eyes. “Perhaps I will see him soon, we could discuss it.”

“With all due respect, Commander, he still calls you hatchling behind your back.”

That hurt, but Todd brushed it off with a shrug. “He can do what he wants, and I can as well. And if that means bursting into his audience room to speak my mind in front of his advisors, then so be it.”

“I would take you back there anytime you asked,” Bonewhite said, suddenly serious. “You know that.”

“Why the-“

In a shocking move, Bonewhite grabbed Todd by the waist and yanked him into a tight hug.

At first, he wanted to shove him off, but Bonewhite was rubbing his face against Todd’s shoulder and purring like crazy; so much that it boarded on desperation or terror.

“B-Bonewhite?” Todd swallowed his fear and tentatively pat his back with one hand.

Bonehwite pulled him closer, purred louder, and then he shoved Todd away with a primal snarl.

“You should not have gone after the human!” He shouted, his fists clenched in anger.

“W-What?”

“You, stupid, stupid Wraith! You should have waited for me and we could have gone together! Do you have any idea how worried I was?! No, probably not, because you only ever think in the moment!” Instead of punching Todd, Bonewhite threw his short-range stunner on the ground and stomped it to pieces.

Todd just stared, shocked and a little terrified while Bonewhite screamed at the top of his lungs and made it very, very clear that if Bonewhite didn’t know about his past, Todd would be getting the beating of his life.

“I thought you were dead! Dead! and then FirstLight refused to send an army because of some stupid test, and I had to just hope that someone would help me because who am I kidding? I’m barely two thousand years old, I’d never even left my Hive until you came along! I don’t know how to find one Wraith in a universe on my own!”

Wait, what was that? Bonewhites voice faded away as a single sentence swirled through Todd’s head.

and then FirstLight refused to send an army…

“Asadente! This line! Always at each other’s throats or making stupid decisions!”

Because of some stupid test…

Oh…oh gods…could it be…?

“And always expecting them to work out!”

“Bonewhite,” Todd snapped, but his voice bordered on desperation. He had to know what the test was, he had to know if he was right about what it was; what it only could be.

“He is just as bad as you, you know-“

“Bonewhite!”

“It is a nightmare just to be here, sometimes I-“

“Bonewhite!”

“What! What could you possibly have to say?”

He was snarling, nearly frothing at the mouth, and when Todd grabbed his shoulders, Bonewhite’s fists swung out. Todd narrowly avoided them, driving Bonewhite against a wall and crushing him against it while the younger snarled and sloppily hit Todd’s back in am attempt to get free.

It wouldn’t work. Todd was far older and far heavier. He would keep the youngling there until he either passed out of relented and behaved like an adult.

Bonewhite yelled strings of curses and commands, Todd relaxed further. From this position he could feel Bonewhite’s pulse, his rapidly beating heart echoed in Todd’s own body. His arms were so tense that every slight moment felt sharp under his skin; and every big one was hard and powerful, even for such a young Wraith.

“Let me go!”

Todd cradled the back of his head with his off-hand, pulling the youngling under his chin. “I am sorry,” he spoke.

Bonewhite’s labored breathing was hot against Todd’s neck, and the ebb and flow of his lugs desperately filling, and deflating sounded in his ears like an erratic drum. Whispers of broken hair tickled Todd’s chin. Todd could even feel the slightly raised skin where he was marked; so much so that he thought when he did pull away, Bonewhite would be imprinted on him.

Todd held him there until he stopped moving out of sheer exhaustion. When he thought Bonewhite was coherent enough to understand, he repeated, “I am sorry, truly.”

The Wraith hissed.

“I am, it was selfish of me to abandon me, but if you felt what I feel, you would understand why I did it.”

“You and your humans.”

It was Todd’s turn to snarl. He could place his forearm on Bonewhite’s windpipe and crush it, he could break his arm, he could do all those things and more to put him in his place.

But he wouldn’t. The Wraith only cared for him; it wouldn’t be fair to punish him for that.

“Let me go,” Bonewhite asked again, this time with a little less bite.

“Do you promise not to throw something at me?” Todd asked in the way a caretaker might speak to a newly hatched Wraith who’d found something to cry about.

Bonewhite groaned.

“I can stay here all day. In fact, I prefer it to having to face the rest of my life.”

That did it, as it often did with young ones.

“I will…not scream…”

“Good, thank you.”

Slowly, Todd eased off Bonewhite’s body. When he was satisfied that the Wraith wouldn’t attack, he broke contact and stepped back a few steps.

The Youngers Wraith fell against the wall, reeling. “I haven’t had someone hold me like that since I was an apprentice.”

Todd resisted the urge to say something he’d regret.

“But I meant all of it.”

“I know.”

“No, you don’t.” He barred his teeth again. “You have been without Hive for so long that you do not remember what it feels when yours in in danger.”

Todd’s heart lurched in his chest. “H-Hive?” he stammered, shocked beyond much more than that.

“Hive,” Bonewhite snapped.

Todd let the word, the claim, wash over him, along with all its accompanying tingles and shudders. No one had called him Hive in a long time. Brother, lover, friend yes, but not Hive.

Hive was the highest honor, the closest title. You could be Brother and not Hive, but you could not be Hive and not Brother.

“I am…Bonewhite, I did not know you felt that way.”

“I have ever since we became close. It is only because you are so guarded that you did not notice.”

Todd was once again rendered speechless.

“What, do you not accept it?”

“No- I mean no! I mean-“ Todd was flushed, and perhaps a little overwhelmed. “I-I mean to say…gods, I mean…” he grit his teeth and rubbed right under his sensory pits. “I accept it, Bonewhite, I just…I do not even know.”

Somehow, Bonewhite parsed something intelligible out of his ramblings and gingerly Todd Todd’s left hand. “I think you need to be alone.”

He shook his head. “No, not yet.” His head was spinning, and he didn’t know if he felt like screaming or celebrating, but something stuck. There was something he was forgetting, something Bonewhite said…something about… “What did you mean when you said “One of FirstLight’s tests?”

 Immediately, Bonewhite went ridged. “I said that?”

“Yeah.”

The younger Wraith growled. “Asadente, that was not meant for your ears.”

“I believe it is too late for that now.”

“What if I told you FirstLight might harm me if I mentioned it?”

“Then I would tell you that I wouldn’t let that happen,” Todd squeezed his hand even tighter. “It is okay, you do not always have to listen to what he says.”

Was it manipulative? A little. Bonewhite was young and determined to please. FirstLight had been his first Commander there would always be a bond there. But Todd wanted to know, and he could offer that protection. It was a teaching moment, he rationalized, an opportunity for further breaking from the status quo.

Bonewhite swallowed thickly. “It is uh…it means…well…”

Todd took his other hand, lacing their fingers together so their feeding organs touched. “I swear I will never tell him I know-“

“It could have gotten you killed!” Bonewhite snarled. “He…He…” Bonewhite shook his head, his eyes filled with a thousand emotions. “When I went to him about you, he was quick to act. He set me up with this Hive immediately, which I was incredibly grateful for because I half expect him to tell me you had to figure it out on your own.”

That would be like FirstLight, yes.

“Yes, and I was about to leave when I noticed that there were no drones or officers on board. When I told him…” his hands balled into fists. “When I told him, he told me I did have soldiers, I just needed to go get them.”

“Hm?”

“The Lantains, Commander. He told me to use the Lantians. He told me to waste more time, you could have died all for some stupid test.”

If the world could fall to bits, I would have just then as Todd heard Bonewhite tell him that FirstLight wanted to use Lantains.

Lantains, the ones he hated, the creatures he probably fantasized about killing, one by one, either by hand or by torture. The Lantains Tod had fought and bled and suffered for. The people that he had bet his entire future on.

“The Lantians…” Todd whispered. He stared at Bonwehite in complete silence, in utter shock; until, like when he was creating a new thing, or leading an attack, the answer, the reason, fell from the sky and floored him.’

It had been a test to see if the Lantians were truly worth Todd’s time.

In other words, a test to determine if Todd himself had merit. FirstLight was willing to trust him again.

~

Todd didn’t speak after that, he couldn’t. he felt as if the entire world was pressing right down on his chest, crushing his lungs and windpipe. Each, rapid breath he took as Bonewhite worriedly pulled him along was sharp; breathing burned.

He could hear the whole universe in his ears, and yet life seemed to narrow to an impossibly slim point.

A panic attack: That is what the human mind doctor called it. Acastus had called it a panic spell; Told had had countless in the last twelve years, but none felt as bad as this. This was so wholly in his body, to the point that he could feel each one of his nerves spark, that there was no relief of separation, no way to escape the world crumbling to bits around him.

They walked and each step ached, each slight moment was defending. He wanted to rip off his own skin just to escape it.

Bonewhite opened the door to his room and brought him inside. The sound of the door closing mingled with the sounds of explosion, and the hissing crackle of an electrical rod. He darted forward, ripping from Bonwhite’s grip and scrambling to a corner where he pressed his back against the wall and snarled.

Was this a cage? Or was it home? He could see and also couldn’t, and he had no anchor any more.

Bonewhite had seen this many times before. Instead of approaching the Wraith, he turned off to the right and disappeared into the bath alcove. Through his shivers, the lights flashing in his head, and the feeling of dizziness that a lack of oxygen brought; Todd heard water running.

Seconds later, the world spun off its axis, his vision blurred, then fell off to the side and everything went dark.

~

He woke with a start, leaping to his feet with a guttural snarl and whipping his head around to find the enemy But all he found was a dim room and a full, running bath. All he smelled was the scents of oils and cleansers.

Todd was alone. Bonewhite had drawn him and bath and left him to calm down in his own time.

Breathing a deep sigh of relief, he fell to his knees and groaned. He pressed his hands against the soft floor and tried his best to keep his breathing even. He was still in it somewhat; the feeling still lit every nerve on fire.

But at least he was alone.

His hands shook as he unclasped the first few clasps of his coat. The glittering water swirled around the edge of the basin and slowly flowed inward like a gentle whirlpool. He watched it and tried to ignore the numbness and the terror.

So much had happened in the past few weeks. More, in fact, than had happened in millennia. A new lover, the return of his family, some sort of hope for the future. It had been so long since Todd had believed he would ever find those things. Up until a few hours ago, he’d truly believed that the rest of his life would be spent in some kind of agony. Now it seemed he had many happy days ahead.

So why was he stuck to the floor?

Maybe it was the sex, but the sex had been amazing. So maybe it was Mirage and Astra, but why would that make him black out now? It could be Bonewhite’s confession (really FirstLight’s confession) that was doing it. Was all of this the aftermath of being touched? Or was it that everything was simply too much for one Wraith. No, maybe the confession had been the breaking point, or the sex…or…

He knelt there and watched the steam roll off and fade into the Hive’s mist. He tried to find an anchor by thinking, but like the random puffs of water, his thoughts flitted aimlessly, each fizzling out before it could be properly faced or dealt with.

John, Mirage and Astra, FirstLight…

He’d loved being close to John – actually he’d loved it a lot more than he thought he would. He’d expected to fail, but it had been surprisingly easy once they’d gotten started. John’s oven anxiety had truly been a salve. That this was new for both of them, that it wasn’t as easy as they wanted it to be – it helped.

Again, his heart rate skyrocketed. Good gods, what was wrong with him?

Long ago, he would have used a breathing technique to bring himself down. But that technique belonged in a bunker cell. Instead, he kneeled and watched the water.

His thoughts, unsatisfied, withdrew from John and onto a much more terrifying topic;

What Two Moons said about her lost Hive stuck in Todd’s head. What if Mirage and Astra felt the same way? What if they hated him for all he’d caused them to lose? How could he face them, any of them, now?

Todd growled and it filled the space; his own sound thundered in his ears.

What’s more, as he listened to the growl, as he imagined that he was the only thing in the universe and that he was cursed to kneel here forever, Todd realized something that nearly made him pass out. He had no idea what to do next.

All his life he’d had a plan. Whether it was becoming a Commander, working with the Lantains, or making Acastus fall in love with him, Todd had known what to do. He’d been able to see the necessary steps as easily as the things in front of him. He’d known what to say, how to act, and who to be to get exactly what he wanted.

FirstLight wanted an apprentice who could match him physically and mentally. One who could train for days on end, who would listen intently and absorb every lesson and make it his own. Queens had wanted an obedient commander; the population of each Hive had wanted a leader they could look up to and follow. Acastus and the Genii had wanted weapons and knowledge, and a Wraith who was willing to get them those things.

Never since he was a hatchling had Todd found himself…well, free.

And he was free now, in a way he barely understood.

With the threat of Two Moons gone, and FirstLight on his side, Todd was more or less free to decide his own path. He wouldn’t have to hide so much or hop from place to place to avoid death. With Bonewhite at his side, and his lover, and hopefully one day his friends, he could begin to build a new life. And that scared him.

For how miserable his life had been, it had still been his. Todd had had an identity and a steady purpose. He’d been fundamentally lonely for so long; what if he couldn’t remember how to have a Hive?

And FirstLight…perhaps the only constant in Todd’s life for millennia had been First Light’s distain for him. The way they danced around each other had become a sort of routine. It was awful, but it was reliable. But now…who were they if they weren’t at odds?

Having a relationship with him was scarier than not having one.

He sunk further onto the floor, his mind giving way to countless scenarios in which he screwed things up, in which he lost it all again.

Plop

Todd’s heart rate skyrocketed, this time from fear. He jerked his head in the direction of the sound so fast that it spun. Instantly his mind was clear, even if everything was still out of focus. Something had fallen, no, been thrown or dropped. He took a deep breath and scented, past the cleansers and oils, someone only vaguely familiar. Most importantly though, he scented someone in his room.

Taking a deep breath to try and center himself, Todd stood. His fingers shook as he did up the clasps of his coat again. He was barely breathing in an attempt to keep his presence here hidden for as long as possible. He itched for a weapon, but there was only a small knife on his person.

Stepping lightly, with the ship’s floor easing his steps. he made his way over to the door. The scent was stronger here, but still unknown.

The minute he opened the door, they would see him. From that moment he’d have precious seconds to take them down; and that was only if they weren’t faster. With he way he felt right now, they very well could be.

He didn’t even want to think about who it could be.

Todd took a deep, calming breath, trying to force out the rest of his panic before the intruder realized he’d discovered them.

On a count of three, he commanded the door open and practically forced himself through the opening. He snarled as he charged his attacker; his left hand raised high with the knife, right ready to strike.

“Ohmygods!” the thing, barely a flash in his vision, screeched. It scrambled back as he came, and in its panic, threw a pillow right in his face.

Todd stopped in his tracks out of pure shock.

“Oh shit I didn’t mean to do that either!” it called in a voice that was quickly registering to him as female. “Well not either, more like also, or maybe I did mean to- please don’t kill me!”

The knife fell from Todd’s hands and bounced to the floor. He didn’t know if his body or his mouth moved first. All he knew is that he was on his knees in an instant, head pointed down and the words. “Forgive me, your majesty, forgive me I did not know,” falling from his lips.

What stood before him was a young Queen. How she got into his room, this Hive, he did not know. But she was here, and he possibly only had a few seconds before she took his life.

He braced for impact, for the pain of either a beating, or a feeding, but instead, all he got was an elated kind of laughter.

“Your Majesty? Your Majesty! Cadmus is going to hate this!”

Notes:

Preview for next time; Friends are reunited and John gets some life-changing news.

Thank you all so much for reading! The support I've gotten for this fic means so much to me <3

Chapter 25: Family Ties

Summary:

John finds out something gigantic about his life. Todd decides to face his past.

Notes:

This is the chapter duo that I've been the most nervous about posting. The stuff that happens in here is kinda the spiritual climax of the story, so I've been pouring over this chapter for a while. That being said, enjoy!

John

 

John met up with his team in the Jumper which was sitting exactly where they’d left it. It was in the same position, and the darts it nestled in between hadn’t been moved. It was the same color; muted, gentle grey; and it was the same size, even though it should have been bigger. How else could it have carried Todd and John all this way?

Yes, there was nothing different about any of it, but in a way, everything was different. Stepping into the Jumper pre and post-Todd felt like two different lifetimes.

When he entered the Jumper in the present, feeling all sorts of different for no reason, he met his friends who all also looked the same. They, however, were different too; they knew about everything, Wraith and male alike.

Each of their eyes fell, in turn, on John. Questioning eyes, not hateful ones. They wanted to know what happened and if he was alright. They looked at him with…with love.

 

The Colonel’s cheeks burned; he became acutely aware of the bruises all over his chest and neck. He’d done his best to cover them, but the scarf he’d asked Astra for just made things all the more obvious.

Teyla gave him a small, sly smile. “Hello, John,” she said in a more than teasing tone.

John coughed to cover a squeak clearing his throat and shaking his head, surely flushed, to try and calm down. “H-Hi.”

Rodney rolled his eyes at the scarf. He smiled something sly, but he was smiling; clearly, he was supportive of this new thing.

Ronon stood in the corner, arms crossed over his chest, scowling. The two briefly met eyes, and although he didn’t show it, John knew he was on some level happy for his friend.

The Colonel couldn’t expect much else, especially from a person who’d not only lost his home to the Wraith but who grew up in a culture that detested anyone who laid with one. John understood that particular point, immensely.

Rodney cleared his throat. “How was-“

“Back to Atlantis then!” John said awkwardly, taking his seat, his cheeks still burning.

“Do we know what for?” Teyla asked before Rodney could ask his question again.

“Who cares,” Ronon said, “No more Hives.”

“Are we just flying into the Jumper Bay and pretending nothing happened?” Up close, Rodney looked a little wilted, John guessed he’d found a fellow scientist in Cadmus. Maybe he could come back with John, maybe that would make Woolsey a little more willing to let John come back again sooner rather than later.

“Mhm,” John ran his hands over the controls, and they spurred to life at his touch. “And if anyone asks, we were on a mission.”

“Did it go well?” Teyla probed.

“Yeah.” John smiled and pulled up. “It went well.”

~

They snuck into the hallway that the Jumper Bay branched off from and swiftly went their separate ways to avoid suspicion. Ronon headed for the gym, Teyla to her child, and Rodney presumably to his lab to either enter new data or yell at a project that went awry while he was missing. John took a moment to collect himself, to readjust to this place which, although so familiar, felt somehow different, and maybe in a good way.

His comm crackled to life. “Colonel? Is that you?” It was Woolsey.

“Yeah,” he whispered, “Just got back.”

“Good…good…” his voice was distant. “Meet me in the infirmary.”

“The infirmary?” John repeated, unease pooling in his stomach. “Why?”

“Just come.”

“What? Woolsey, why? Is someone hurt- hey, are you even there?”

Woolsey wasn’t there.

With a groan, John dropped it and kicked into a run. On the way, he tried to reason with his anxious body. He told it that if there had been a major accident, he would have been told. It listened, but only slightly.

He wondered if it was about Mirage; maybe she’d tricked them. Maybe she was a Goa’uld, or some other creature trying to destroy Atlantis. That made John run faster; Todd could be in enemy hands again.

Though wouldn’t Woolsey have told him sooner? Unless their comms were being monitored.

He resisted the urge to reach out to Todd, not wanting to put another thing on his plate right now. He could feel a light pressure in the back of his skull, that was enough.

The Colonel passed by several soldiers on routine guard duty, each mumbled a “sir,” and John greeted them back. He believed he liked to keep things a little looser on Atlantis, not requiring full salutes, the soldiers refused to stop greeting him with at least a sir, and sometimes his actual rank. Perhaps it was for the best if they were ever visited by the IOA, or a General again and had to put on a show.

No amount of military power, however, would matter if Woolsey was calling him in because he’d changed his mind about Todd.

John couldn’t think like that, but he did anyways.

The infirmary wasn’t a far run, but it sure felt like one. A million disastrous thoughts and scenarios raced through his head. Each one was worse than the last, with one even involving him actually being a replicator, again.

By the time he skidded to a stop, having ran way too hard for the distance, he was sweaty, panicky, and a little lightheaded. He caved in on himself, his hands on his knees, and gasped for air and tranquility, finding neither in the few short seconds he had before Woolsey and Dr. Keller approached him.

“Colonel S- goodness!” Dr. Keller put her cold hand on John’s hot forehead, then she pushed his head up and moved it side to side until he’d had enough and sat up straight.

“I’m fine,” he mumbled as he adjusted his shirt and cleared his throat. “Fine.”

Woolsey and he caught eyes. John expected to find a million questions, not a blank, or maybe a sorry look.

John gave him a look that said ‘what the fuck.’

The older man snapped his eyes away. John kept his own on Woolsey; like his stare could bully words out of him.

Finally, as if under duress, Woolsey mumbled, “Colonel,” with an air of awkwardness that John hadn’t felt from him in a long, long time.

“Woolsey…” John said through deep breaths. “What’s going on?” He still felt unanchored, and everything was just a little off.

Keller adopted a slightly grim expression – which didn’t help the enormous amount of anxiety John was feeling.

“Jesus fucking Christ to Hell,” John spat. “What the hell is going on?”

Keller pressed her lips together. “Follow us.”

~

They shuffled inside in the loudest silence John had ever heard. The Colonel found a place leaning against one of the infirmary's many empty beds. He placed one hand on it and tried to ground himself to where his palm rumpled the sheet. He was breathing easier now, but no less freaked about why they were here.

Around them, several machines beeped and clunked as if they were monitoring patients. John shivered at that thought and stood up straight. He'd always hated hospitals, ever since he’d seen his mom waste away in a cancer treatment ward, the scent of antiseptic and musky powder gave him chills.

Woolsey stood across from him. He offered no help, not even a glance.

It was all so fucking weird that John tried to adopt a more usual attitude just to calm himself down. “So, what was so urgent that you had to drag me away from MX582?”

Dr. Keller moved through the space unbothered. First, she started up a machine, then slid it over to where John stood. It should have been too big for her small frame, but she pushed it easily. “You mean from Todd?”

John fumbled around for an answer, unable to do much but sputter a few denials before Keller gave him mercy. “Mr. Woolsey debriefed me on everything.”

Finally, Woolsey looked at him. “It was…necessary.” He still looked uncomfortable, but at least he was uncomfortable at John instead of around him.

“I have no problem with it,” she said, smiling, but it was still a pity smile, “I promise.”

“Oh…” he relaxed, sinking into her non-judgmental stare. “Okay…” he bit his lip. “Why was it uh, necessary?”

Keller sighed. “I found something while I was going over Mirage's blood work.”

John’s face fell. So, it was a trick, or maybe Mirage was dying, or maybe…” A screen lit up, distracting John from his thoughts.

“I wasn’t sure at first,” Keller said as John came closer. The screen had what looked like lab work on it. “I must have checked everything dozens of times over before I reported it…” she bit her lip, suddenly looking a little less sure. “Do you remember someone named Chaya?”

John turned the slightest shade of pink. “Uh…yeah…” His ex-girlfriend – if you could call such a short thing a relationship.

“Then you’ll recall that Carson took some samples from her, and then that I took some samples from Mirage?”

“Yeah? So what?”

She sighed. Her fingers flew against the screen, bringing up certain pictures that meant nothing to the Colonel. “I can understand why Carson didn’t see it, he wasn’t even looking, but you shared a lot of similarities anyways and curiosity got the better of me so I…” she trailed off.

John swallowed nervously, he tapped on his thighs. “What…what is it?”

“Did your mom ever mention having siblings?”

He frowned. “I was…only four when she died, I don’t remember.” He barely much past a few scattered memories and the end of her death.

Keller sighed. She mumbled something inaudible and pointed to the figure on the screen. “Might she have had a sister?”

“Maybe? Dad sure as hell didn’t mention one.” He was starting to get the feeling that something earth-shattering was about to come crashing down. “Can you just fucking tell me what you found out?”

Keller bit her lip; Woolsey and she exchanged a glance, then she said. “I know your mom had at least one sister, possibly a fraternal twin, and I know it because…because…”

“Because?” He dug his fingers into the fabric of his pants.

“Because you and…” She trailed off “Gosh, this I harder than I thought.”

“Dr. Keller, whatever it is, I can handle it.”

She was pink. “Of course, of course…”

“So?” Pretty soon John was going to lose it.

“So…”

“Dr. Keller,” Woolsey’s tone was less sharp, more exasperated. “Out with it, please.”

With a small shake of her head, or maybe it was a nod, Keller turned back to the screen. “What…What I’m trying to say, John is that your DNA is a 25 percent match to Mirage’s…I am positive that she’s your maternal aunt.

John’s mouth went dry. “W-What…?”

“And-“

“And,” Keller cut Woolsey off, “I looked back over your ATA gene expression, and it’s not just a strong expression, it’s a perfect replica of each living Ancient’s that we tested. Genetically speaking, you are an ancient.”

John stopped breathing all together. He just stared at Keller, wondering what the hell had happened to her head while he was gone. That…had he heard her right?

“I’m…Lantean?” he said when he found his voice. But he couldn’t be, there was no way.

“I know it’s a lot to take in-“

“My aunt?” she couldn’t be his aunt, no way.

“Y-Yes-“

“Do you know how insane you sound!” He was glaring at her. “There’s no fucking way.” He looked at Woolsey who was, again, refusing to look him in the eye.

“I promise you I tried every test I have! It’s a match.” Her voice caught that lilt it got when she was upset, and her eyes were wide and alarmed.

“Then test it again.” John thrust his arm out. There was no fucking way.

“Colonel-“

“Colonel-“

“Test it again!” he nearly shrieked at both of them. Then he yanked up his sleeve to help. “Whatever you need to do to prove yourself wrong.” He glared at Woolsey too. How could the man possibly believe this? Why would he waste John’s time with such stupidity?

“It is plausible,” Woolsey said timidly. “You said you never knew your mother’s family, and your mother-“

“My mom died of cancer,” he spat at him. “Ancients don’t die of cancer.” He turned to Keller “So, test it again.”

They looked into each other’s eyes for what felt like an eternity before she agreed. “If that’s what you really want…”

~

The test came back positive, and so John headed to the gym to find some person to spar with. He didn’t even say goodbye, just took off when Keller’s back was turned. Woolsey tried to catch him, but the man was incredibly weak.

Lantean? Like Chaya, like Mirage? There was no way John could be Lantean. He was born in California and raised there by the most un-Lantean man ever, and by a mother who had lived her entire life in a small town in Colorado before meeting his dad. To even suggest that the gap between him and the Lanteans was only one generation, that he was somehow half of another race, was absurd.

“John!” Teyla shouted, coming after him on swift feet. He let her catch up, not bothering to wonder how she’d found him because it had probably been through their mental link.

Though he did ask, “What do you want?” when she fell into step beside him.

“Only to ask where you are going. I saw you leave the infirmary, is your health-“

“My health is fine,” he snapped. ‘I just need to blow off some fucking steam.”

Teyla, mercifully, didn’t ask questions. “Shall I accompany you?”

“Yeah,” he said, “I’d like that.”

 

 

Todd

 

“Your Majesty? Your Majesty! Cadmus is going to hate this!” the Queen squealed with delight. “Oh! Oh, gods! That’s the funniest thing I’ve heard my whole life!”

Todd wasn’t sure if he was hearing her right. Was she…was she laughing? And what was so funny? He was shaking, nearly trembling, and keeping his eyes down was getting harder with each passing second.

“Okay but seriously,” she said once she’d stopped laughing. “The joke was awesome, but I actually came in here to talk to you.”

Talk? What? Who was this Queen? A daughter of Serenity? A Queen in training? Maybe she was a gift for Todd – FirstLight always wanted him to have a traditional Hive…

“Hello? Hello? Come on, get up! Hello? I’m talking to you, you big oaf.”

His heart pounded in his chest; he was too afraid to even blink.

The room went silent. For a moment, Todd prepared to die all over again. Then a new bout of laughter broke out.

“Oh,” she shrieked, ‘Oh my gods I forgot! You’re scared of me, aren’t you? Of course, you’re scared of me. Dammit.” Todd heard footsteps. They were getting…further away from him. “You don’t need to be scared, sir- Dara- uh, Todd?”

Todd looked up only because she’d said his old name.

Oh

The female grinned at him; her brown eyes full of excitement. “That’s better. You can get up too, but you’re a lot taller than me too so maybe if you kneeled, I would feel better about myself.”

He looked at her intently, trying to find deception; or so he thought. The longer he looked, the more he realized that what he was searching for was Mirage.

Todd stood up to his full height; his mouth was wide open in shock.

He saw his friend in the way this Queen’s hair curled, the way she smiled – a little lopsided, a little proud. Mirage was in her laugh, and in her intelligent eyes. Even the shape of her face recalled her mother.

“You are…Mirage’s” he said carefully. “One of her hatchlings.”

She nodded, her sleek curls shaking and shimmering like morning dew on a leaf. “I’m Estella,” she held her hand out the way the humans of Atlantis did.

Todd eyed it, but he didn’t take it. He didn’t know what to make of her presence. He wasn’t afraid anymore, but he also didn’t know how much of her casualness was an act. He couldn’t feel her, but he could never feel Queens.

Even if she was Mirage’s, she could still be a Queen in the worst ways.

But she was also only a hatchling, so at the same time, he felt stupid for cowering.

Estella dropped her hand, and her smile. “I didn’t mean to scare you, I promise. I wouldn’t have snuck in, only my parents-“

“Your parents sent you?” He demanded.

“No, no they have no idea I’m here- Don’t tell my dad, he’ll hang me from the ceiling.”

“They have no idea you are here?” he echoed in disbelief.

“I already said that.” She came closer, which made Todd flinch, but she didn’t seem to notice.

“Yes…yes…” his brain dragged in his skull. “Why?”

Estella went and sat on the edge of the nest, her legs over the side of it. “I wanted to meet you.” She looked at him over her shoulder. “And it didn’t look like you were coming out anytime soon so I just…”

“Snuck in?” he said in disbelief. Some of the tension inside of him melted at that very thought.

He could laugh actually; This hatchling had snuck into his rooms, just the way her sire had, and how Todd had met his own sire so many years ago.

He didn’t laugh though because a living, breathing product of Mirage and Astra was sitting on the edge of his bed, and Todd had no idea how to handle that.

~

“I’m two hundred and five,” Estella said after a long beat of silence.

“W-What?”

“I can feel you looking at me in that way.”

“I…I do not follow…”

“You want to know about me, so I’m telling you that I’m two hundred at five years old. How old are you?”

“T-Twelve thousand…years…”

She whistled. “Wow…okay grandpa…” she giggled, and he felt a little indignant. “My favorite color is green.”

Todd didn’t know what to do except to say his favorite color was the color of a Hive. His favorite color was actually the particular grey that FirstLight’s roots were when Todd was Two-hundred and five, but that was private.

“That’s boring- uh, sorry…I don’t really talk to many people besides the ones on my Hive.”

“That is…okay…”

“Oh! I speak Wraith, or Lantean, whatever one you-“

“You speak Lantean?” Todd said in Lantean. Hearing it come out of his mouth for the first time in thousands of years was weird, but the language came to him as easily as Wraith.

“Of course, I do!” She grinned. “My mom taught me.”

Todd grinned – he couldn’t help it. “It’s been a while since I’ve spoken Lantean.”

Estella moved some hair off her shoulder. “Can you come over here? Craning my neck like this hurts.”

Todd was hesitant to comply. Maybe she wanted him sitting so he was easier to overtake…

He shook those thoughts from his head. This was a hybrid, the only one like her in the entire world. If Todd couldn’t sit next to the daughter of his two best friends, he couldn’t do anything.

Slowly, he lowered himself a few feet away from her and put his legs over the edge of the nest.

Estella smiled at him again. She looked so much like Mirage when she did that it hurt.

 

 

John

 

He stumbled forward, nearly losing his footing. It was only by a miracle that John turned around in time to meet her arm with his before it could come down on him.

A Lantean? His anger at the thought fueled him, and pumped extra adrenaline into his veins. He couldn’t be a Lantean, it didn’t make any fucking sense. Did it?

He struck Teyla in the stomach and got a left hit to the side in return.

Did it? If he dared to look into the past, John did remember just how familiar Mirage looked to him. Her hair was black and hung in loose curls, just like his mothers had when she bothered to define them. Their smiles echoed each other's and did their green eyes. John only had fuzzy memories of his mom, and one old, crinkled sketch one of his parent's friends had done. He kept folded up somewhere private and he almost never looked at it for fear of hurting it, but the more he thought about it, he was sure that if he held the picture up to Mirage, he’d be able to confidently say she and his mom were related.

Then there was the undeniable fact that Mirage called him that word he hadn’t heard since he was a little kid.

But, maybe it was a coincidence. Maybe the name was a common Lantean phrase passed down over ten thousand years of John’s bloodline. That had to make more sense than…than…

Si Anmourie. It meant ‘my love’ or ‘little love’ depending on the context. John had fleeting memories of his mother whispering it to him before she died, and one incredibly strange memory of his father awkwardly stumbling through it the night he’d joined the Airforce.

John dropped down to his heels, and at the same time fell into the memory.

Patrick Sheppard had been drunk, the wine soothing his deep-cut anger. It always did that at first; then it turned him into a nightmare. Patrick had had John by the arms, his hot breath rancid against his son’s cheek. “The Military…Jesus John.” The words had been slurred nearly to the point of being incomprehensible, and John remembered feeling pure terror that his father might turn violent.

He had shaken John, his face splitting into a grin. “She’d be so fucking proud, you know that kid? She and her stars and her wonder. She wouldn’t give a damn about the things I beat you for.”

John’s heart had been pounding, the blood roaring in his ears.

“She’d say, “You never fail to make me proud, Si Anmourie.” His tone had been mocking, but when John had caught his eyes, his expression was less than angry. For a second John thought he saw past the hate.

“Dad-“

“Si Anmourie…” Patrick’s face changed further, his mouth matching the deep sadness in his eyes. “I used to love that…”

“I-I”

“What a bunch of bullshit.” Patrick let him go, patting him twice on the shoulders beforehand. To add insult to injury, he swung his tight fist into John’s left cheek, then into his chest, sending him stumbling back. His father spat, “She was from the goodman ocean, and you want to fly fucking planes.”

That was the last time John saw his father alive.

Teyla got him right in the stomach and then drop-kicked his legs out from under him. John fell to the floor with a gasp. She expected him to leap to his feet, but he just stayed on the floor, repeating His father’s final words to him over and over in his head.

The ocean

She was from the goddam ocean.

The lost city of Atlantis was rumored to be in the ocean, and Keller said he was Ancient.

John felt water burn behind his eyes, then it broke free and rolled down his face in hit, wet tears. It didn’t seem possible, but maybe it was. Maybe Mirage was the sister of the mom he’d lost to lung cancer at four years old. Maybe that feeling he got when looking at her was recognition.

Maybe she was the family he’d never had…

“John?” Telya asked, squatting down in front of him and settling a warm hand on his shoulder. “What did Dr. Keller tell you?”

He shook his head viciously, jerking away from her touch and tempting to clamber to his feet despite his blurry eyes. “Nothing,” he snapped, wiping the tears away. “I’m just exhausted.” He started for the exit. “I need to rest for a long fucking time.” The tears flowed despite his best attempts to banish them, making his grief obviously known.

Sure enough, Teyla paced over to him, her hand closed around his bicep in a strong grip. “Would you like to come to my room for tea?” It was more command than question, and despite his desire to run far away, John complied.

~

He found himself sitting cross-legged on a soft, multicolored mat. The lights were turned off, though several dancing candles made up for it. They all smelled vaguely of some rich, earthy place that felt both foreign and familiar at the same time. Teyla, now wearing a low-rise brown skirt and beaded tan shirt, bent down to pour a dark tea into his waiting cup. John had mostly stopped crying by now, but his eyes were still wet and his vision still blurry.

Teyla lit a stick of incense, perfuming the space with a jasmine-like plant native to New Athos; then she sank down across from John and handed the pot to him.

Carefully he poured her tea, then they bent their heads together in the traditional greeting.

“What is troubling you?” She asked before he had the chance to busy his mouth with tea.

Still, John shook his head. “I don’t even know.”

“Surely for your body to have such a reaction, there must be something. Is it Todd? Was your reunion not all you had hoped?”

“It was much more than…” he flushed, “I mean, no, it was…everything I had hoped and more.”

She nodded, taking a small sip of her drink, and closing her eyes while she did it. “There must be something. As your friend, I would like to offer my help in any way I can.”

John snorted, also taking a sip of his tea. It was sweet with a deliciously floral aftertaste, his favorite.

Ah, he saw what she was doing.

With a disgruntled sigh, John put his cup down. “Keller told me some news…It isn’t…well it’s not exactly bad news but…” he played with the hem of his pant leg. “I just don’t know how to feel about it.”

“I see,” she took another sip, prompting him to do the same. It was an old Athosian practice. “And this thing, does it affect more than just your life as the military leader of Atlantis?”

“Oh yeah,” he laughed. “Oh yeah. You could say it completely changes my entire life story. If it’s true.”

Her eyebrows went up, but she said nothing.

John knew that was an invitation to say more, a request for him to explain. How could he even explain it? How could he say it without sounding crazy? And would peaking it into the world make it truer than John could handle it being?

“I have found that it is difficult to deal with that which we do not share. To share a burden alone is not wise.”

Tell that to a man who, up until recently, could count the number of times he’d shared his feelings with others on one hand. Still, Teyla had a point. He just didn’t know if he could…

“Could we just sit here for a while? I don’t think I’m ready.”

She nodded, taking another sip of her tea.

 

 

Todd

 

They talked about a lot of things, light things. They didn’t speak of anything remotely resembling Mirage or Astra.

Estella had been born, not hatched, in a Galaxy called Andromeda, where there were hundreds of new species no one had ever dreamed of. Some were friendly, some not so much. On was vaguely Wraith-like, but also not Wraith-like at all. They’d strayed into the Milky Way Galaxy at some point in the early 20^th century of humanity – Gou’uld were as bad as the humans said they were, she said. Some though, some were not bad, and some they’d even taken with them on their way back to Pegasus.

Her brothers; Nexus, Cadmus, and Blain, were all much older than her, but she’d found friends in the creatures they’d adopted into their Hive, new humans, and a few Wraith already on board from the days of the war.

The way she spoke about Hive was achingly familiar. Young Wraith had the intense instinct to join a Hive mind, even more so than adult Wraith. Todd remembered the first time he took in the vaster Hive – a part of himself had felt right after that day. Estella didn’t really have that, and Todd could tell she wanted it more than life itself.

Maybe she would become a Queen…

Todd told her a little about his life, not much though. Whenever he opened his mouth, questions threatened to come out.

He had so many questions. They sawm in his head, whipping right past his mouth every so often, nearly spilling out sometimes.

Finally, after he couldn’t stand it anymore, Todd asked. “What did your parents do after they left Pegasus?”

She blinked rapidly, clearly surprised. “Oh…uh…that was a long time before I was born. You’d need to ask Nexus-“

The floodgates slammed open.

“How many kids do they have? Is it just the ones you mentioned? What are they like? What are your parents like now? Do they talk about me? How do they feel about how everything-“

“Whoa,” Estella held her hands up. “One at a time-“

“Do they miss me?”

Estella went quiet. She clasped her hands in her lap and looked at her feet. Todd waited for an answer he was scared of, an answer he couldn’t handle if it was anything short of nothing. They couldn’t miss him, it would hurt too much. And yet if they didn’t…

He was horrified that he’d asked, he wanted to sink into himself from shame. How could he ask a…a hatchling that? The weight of the world was too much for someone who, if she were full Wraith, might not even be ready to apprentice yet.

“I’ve never even met you, and I miss you,” she whispered. “They miss you every day.”

“Oh…” Todd said softly. That wasn’t nothing.

“Is that bad?” Estella asked.

“No,” his voice was rough. “I just…” he put his head in his hands and tried not to tear up. “I…”

Something small touched his back and he jerked forward, nearly falling into the nest.

“Whoa! Sorry! I didn’t mean to-“

“N-No, it’s fine.” He smoothed down his coat to hide his trembling hands.

Gods, he had to get it together; he had more questions, and freaking out after each one was not productive.

Then again, did he want to ask more? All questions seemed trivial, most were inappropriate for this youngling, and some even seemed mean. Why couldn’t he go to them? he wanted to, more than anything…

“Why won’t you come see my mom and dad? If you all miss each other that much, why wait?” Then, she adopted a mischievous look. “Is it because of the boy?”

“The…”

“The boy you love, John Sheppard?”

Todd blushed, both from shyness, and extreme discomfort. “No, it is not because of the man.”

She giggled; her eyes alight.

Todd wanted to tell her it was none of her business or to get out, but he couldn’t do either. Anyways, it sort of was her business – at least it was her mother’s.

Mirage was not the only ancient Todd had grown close with during the war. There was a sister, a fraternal twin sister, who’d quickly decided to join Mirage in her Wraith friendships. First, for the purpose of making sure her sister wasn’t in danger, and then quickly because she’d met Todd and taken an intense interest in the fight, the technology, and the way forward.

Her name had been Genevieve, she’d been twenty-eight, and while Mirage and Astra were being ambassadors and falling in love, she was following Todd around on Atlantis or sneaking onto his ships in hopes of finding out more.

Todd had always been picky with who he let into his life, but this woman with the messiest brown hair, and greenest green eyes he’d had ever seen had intrigued him instantly. From the first time they’d met when she demanded to know what his purpose really was, he’d liked her.

Genevieve wanted to know how Wraith ships worked, what their biology was like, how their mental connections functioned, and if they differed from the Lantean way of doing it. She’d been somewhat of a storm on Two Moons’ Hive but in the best possible way.

They’d become fast friends and even faster allies. She was the younger twin, the one with a few less eyes on her (Mirage being a serious candidate for head of the High Council) the one who could smuggle information about Atlantis behind everyone’s backs; including even her sister.

The only thing she hadn’t known about was the Attero device. He didn’t blame her; she’d been the first to tell Todd what was happening, the very moment she found out. That moment had been a moment too late, but it was only because of her that Wraith had not gone extinct that horrible day.

Genevieve had been inquisitive, witty, and intelligent. She’d been ambitious, brave, and above all, stubborn. She’d owned good nature, a sense of justice, and a charming smile. All of which nature had taken from her and put onto her son, her only son if Todd had things right, John Sheppard of Earth.

Todd had known from the very moment he’d laid eyes on John in Acastus’s bunker. He had known, even in his delirious, starving state, that he was right to say he was staring at the descendent of his closest friends. His hair, his eyes, the way he smiled, they all recalled his mother.

Todd could never mistake Mirage’s Hive, and especially not after John open his mouth and the personality of her sister had come barreling out.

Todd would recognize that smile, that stubborn glare, and that wit anywhere.

The Wraith had been overjoyed at the chance to reconnect with the Hive of his closest friends, but he quickly caught on that John knew nothing of his origins. He called himself human, he was humble in his ability to operate Lantean technology. He never once called Todd by any of the names that he surely would have if he knew who he was.

So, Todd had left it alone. He knew what it would sound like if he, a Wraith, had told Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard he was the descendant of Lanteans. That he was, for all intents and purposes, Lantean as well. Todd hadn’t been interested in being shot or being laughed off of the city and never taken seriously again. Besides, at that point, John hadn’t even known that Todd was capable of emotion, let alone deep bonds and love.

Holding it together when John told him Genevieve was dead was, perhaps, the hardest thing Todd had ever done, but he had, and the chaos of the past weeks hadn’t given him time to properly grieve. Truth be told, he still couldn’t accept it.

In any case, the Wraith had been planning on discussing it with his lover when he got back from the emergency, or after he’d gotten up the courage to face Mirage and Astra and ask them to please tell John themselves.

Why hadn’t they?

“Estella?”

“Yeah?”

“Why didn’t your parents-“

“Estella!”

Estella’s head snapped to the door.

“Estella!”

Someone was calling her name, his tone panicky, angry. It took Todd a moment, but when he realized who it was, his heart nearly stopped.

“Fuck!” Estella dove into the nest – in case her dad barged in here, and was blind, apparently – “I’m not here, okay?”

Todd looked from her to his door. He felt as if his body was slowly turning to stone.

“Estella where are you!”

“Promise me,” Estella hissed. “He really will be angry.”

Todd was about to respond or join her in the nest to hide from Astra, when his head clashed and clanged with a myriad of his own thoughts, and the panic of someone else.

“Hey! You need to promise-“

From lightyears and lightyears away, John Sheppard screamed ‘Lantean? I can’t be Lantean!’

And that was that; he knew.

Time seemed to stop, but Todd’s heart didn’t sink, he didn’t curse himself, and he didn’t get angry.

He just breathed in and out and listened to his lover’s mind until he was sure that John was indeed thinking about what Todd thought he was thinking about.

Then, he smiled. John deserved to know; John should know. Todd almost felt giddy; he had so much to tell the human about his family.

If he was annoyed at all, it was because things needed to start going a lot better, and a lot faster, right now. He wasn’t ready, but he had to be.

Todd withdrew his mind only slightly and glanced back toward the door, toward Astra.

“Estella! Do not make me call again!”

He sounded angry, and he also sounded Astra. His voice was deep and carried a note of humor despite his anger. He sounded grown up, and he sounded like him.

John knew; That meant that soon, his knowing would become every else who knew and had lied or hidden the truth’s problem. That included Todd.

“Fuck,” Todd said in standard.

Ready or not, the game was over, and Todd had lost.

 

 

John

 

Eventually, John was calm enough to tell Teyla everything. He didn’t really want to, but he knew he needed to. She’d understand too; being part Wraith, finding it out later in life, she would understand.

“I don’t know what to make of it,” he finished, his eyes wet again. “I don’t even know if I believe it. Why wouldn’t they tell me?”

Teyla looked at him with eyes so wide they might fall out of her head. The minute he’d said “I’m an ancient,” her hand had flown to her mouth, and the rest of her body had jerked forward as if she’d been planning to bow.

He got it, the Ancients were important to her people, but he really didn’t want anyone to bow.

“Teyla?” he said, prompting her to speak.

She did, shakily. “T-They are sure?”

“Yeah…” he wrapped his arms around his stomach. “And so am I….my mother…”

Teyla jerked forward again, but she stopped herself and shook her head as if to clear her mind.

Then she reached out and took his hands, drawing them close to her body.

John didn’t speak, he knew that if he spoke, she might start crying, or touching his face, or something weird like that.

It felt like several minutes until Teyla pulled back. She cleared her throat and bashfully said. “Forgive me.”

“It’s okay…” he mumbled. “I’d uh, freak out of I got to meet Johnny Cash, so…”

Teyla laughed a bit too loudly, then she grabbed John’s hands again. “Of course, it makes sense.”

“E-Excuse me?”

“You are you,” she smiled. “You care so much for this city, the people of this Galaxy. It makes sense that you would…”

It was John’s turn to laugh. “I could say several things about what the Lanteans are; caring is not one of them.”

She shrugged. “Perhaps one must be unascended to be good…” She smiled. “Perhaps, one must be…human.”

Human? He could laugh. Humanity was gone to John forever now. He couldn’t be truly human, truly tau’ri ever again.

Teyla shook her head. “I remember when I found out about my Wraith DNA.” She squeezed his hands with her warm ones. “I thought I was a monster, but it turns out I am not. I am human with…special traits.”

“You can’t be trying to tell me it was easy, I have a better memory than that.”

“Goodness no, it was the hardest thing I have ever had to face.”

John bit his lip.

Teyla took a deep breath and her whole body relaxed. She smiled once more; a sad smile. “I hated myself for longer than I even admitted to you. I could not fathom that I would ever have a family, or friends again. I thought…” she ground her teeth. “I truly believed, for a time, that I would be sent away.”

“Never, not under my watch.”

“No.” she grinned. “And the support from you, from everyone, meant everything to me. It took a while, but in time I learned to accept it, even like it…”

John shook his head. “But I don’t hate it, I just…I don’t understand. I mean…how could my mother have died?”

In the back of his mind, John wondered if she was even dead at all.

Teyla smiled again, this time even sadder. “John, my father wasn’t there to help me through it, but your family is.”

“Don’t say it.”

“You need to go talk to them.”

He huffed like a child. “I don’t want to speak to them.”

“Why?”

“Because Woolsey and Keller had to tell me. Why didn’t they?”

Maybe they didn’t want him; that was also a scary thought.

“Perhaps it was not the right time to tell you?”

“But Todd didn’t tell me either, and believe me, we had time.”

“Does he know?”

“I’d call him a liar if he denied it.”

“Perhaps he could not,” Teyla offered, “It must be hard for him after all these years.”

“That doesn’t have anything to do with me,” he grumbled even though he knew she was right. John didn’t want to be mad at Todd, either. “But I still don’t understand how it’s possible. I guess my mom could have been kept alive with the Gift, but that’s like, a long life. She died of something so common too…”

“I wish I knew. I wish I had your answers, John.”

He swallowed thickly. “Maybe I don’t even want them. It’s a whole lot easier to just be some guy from Earth, you know?”

She laughed at that. ‘Certainly. Yes, it is much easier to be who we thought we were.”

“Then what do we do about it?”

She raised an eyebrow and fixed him with that stare, but he relished it because it was Teyla, and she wasn’t trying to bow anymore. “You must learn before you decide. Otherwise, you will tear yourself apart wondering.”

“Yeah but-“

Teyla wrapped her strong, warm fingers around his biceps and brought their foreheads together. Her eyes were closed, her face was focused. “A long time ago,” she began, “You told me you were not adept at talking about your feelings.”

“Y-Yeah?”

Her eyes popped open, they were shining. “That is not true anymore, is it?”

He shook his head; her skin was soft against his when he moved.

“Then we must do the hard thing and visit your family.”

“Teyla…”

“Do you want to get your answers? Or do you want to feel lost forever?”

Damn. “T-The first thing…”

“Then we will finish our tea and request to be taken to Astra’s Hive.”

His heart nearly skipped a beat. His hands closed around her arms like she might fall away. “We?”

“Mm.” she stroked her thumbs over his skin. “You do not have to do anything alone.”

They met eyes, each understanding the other, and each holding the other tight. She was his friend still, and he was hers.

 

Notes:

And that's that, the big reveal is revealed! :)

About the length...the next chapter...I told you I wasn't to be trusted. Perhaps this thing will never end :)

Thanks for all the support!

Chapter 26: Astra

Summary:

Todd finally speaks to his family.

Notes:

Shorter chapter, but Todd and Astra's reunion deserved its own space.

Todd

 

“Fuck me.” Todd hissed as he reached out his hand.

Somewhere in between watching Estella beg, hearing Astra’s voice, and realizing that somehow, someway, John was going to come back to him with a lot of questions, Todd made the decision that nothing was going to happen unless he made it happen.

He needed to talk to Astra before his lover came back and ripped everyone apart.

He seized Estella by the back of her shirt and easily lifted her into the air.

“Hey!” She kicked her legs and reached for his hands to no avail. “Put me down!”

“I am sorry,” he started over to the door, wincing when her feet made contact with his legs, or her nails with his hand.

“No! He’ll kill me, really, he gets real grumpy when he’s grumpy!”

“He won’t be focused on you, I’m sure.”

Todd didn’t let himself think, or hesitate, he just pushed the door open and called out into the Hive. “Astrara!”

The figure, the one a few feet past Todd’s door, turned slowly until he was fully around. Until they were looking at each other for the first time in ten thousand years.

“Estella,” Astra said, but he wasn’t looking at her; his mouth wasn’t open because of her.

She wriggled. “Hey…dad…”

Todd let her go and she ran off. Astra didn’t run after her, he was staring at Todd. Even as he stepped forward until they were face to face, he was staring at Todd.

Todd was similarly transfixed.

Astra had grown. He was as tall as FirstLight, which was as tall as his sire had also been. Todd had to look up to see his apprentice’s face properly. What he was met with was unlike anything he thought he’d ever see again. It was Astra, of course, but it was like seeing into the future. Gone was the soft, slightly round face of his youth; this Wraith’s features were defined, and sharp. His marking was the same, yet somehow deeper, blacker as if time had aged it as well. He still had the same slender frame he’d always had, but it seemed stronger, or maybe that was just the deep blue of his Commander’s coat. His hair, glittering with bits of gold, was similarly put together; braided in three loose braids along his head and all coming together in a long ponytail.

“Astrara,” Todd breathed, reaching up a hand without thinking. His fingers brushed along the hollow of the male’s throat. They traced up his smooth neck and along the sharp line of his jaw to rest cupping his cheek.

Todd had never felt worse than he did staring into Astra’s golden eyes. He could practically feel Astra taking note of him, jotting down all the way in which he too was different. Time had not been kind to Todd.

Astra reached up and settled his hand over Todd’s. His palm was rougher than it had been when he was little, Todd noted. Astra closed his eyes and inhaled, his chest swelling. “Dara.” He spoke on the exhale. His voice was every bit as deep and all-encompassing as it had always been.

Todd yanked his hand away as if Astra’s skin burned. He stumbled backward. The feeling he’d felt when he’d seen them for the first time swung in at full force. Suddenly there was so much shame and embarrassment that Todd couldn’t even look his apprentice in the eyes.

Astra stepped forward; Todd stepped back. Astra stepped forward; Todd stepped back. Astra stepped forward; Todd stepped back. They looked into each other’s eyes; Todd looked away.

“For fucks sake, enough of this,” Astra cursed. He grabbed Todd’s hand and yanked him forward, basically spinning him into a tight embrace.

Time froze, actually, everything froze, and everything narrowed to the hug. Todd could smell, feel, hear everything. It was Astra, the very same one he’d lost. Suddenly, and without warning, Todd let out a deep, grieved sound. He brought his own arms around his brother and said, “Took you long enough.”

~

They stayed there like that for what felt like years. Each Wraith purred, nuzzled, and tried to get as close to the other as they possibly could. Todd wasn’t sure what he’d been so afraid of anymore. It was Astra, his closest Wraith brother, one of his best friends. How could he be scared of Astra?

He bunched his fists in Astra’s coat and yanked him closer, nearly growling, overcome with emotion.

Astra growled back, his hands also solidly gripping Todd. “I-I don’t even know what to say,” he said. “I mean…I had something planned…but I don’t know…when I saw you…” He made a strange noise “Oh my gods, Dara, you look exactly like FirstLight.”

Todd laughed – what else could he do? But something much stronger than joy was winding around his organs. “That’s as good as anything I suppose.”

Astra also laughed, but it was that kind of uncomfortable laugh they both did when they wanted to hide. How could Astra want to hide? He wasn’t the one littered with scars.

“And what is going on with you,” Astra hissed. “Why is the human talking about you like you are not you?”

Todd winced. He eased up his grip, feeling some of the closeness melt away. This is what he was afraid of…

Astra frowned. He retreated so he could see Todd’s face. When he noticed its sadness, he stepped back further, but holding Todd’s hand, and said, not asked, “something happened.”

Todd flinched. He pulled his hand away and took several steps back. “This was a mistake.” He hissed. “I was not ready-“

Astra’s lip curled back. “I haven’t seen you in ten thousand years! How could you not be ready?”

“I am just not!” Todd didn’t mean to snarl it, but he did. He didn’t know if he was going to panic or vomit first, but Astra’s piercing gaze was bound to make one of the happen. “I am just not!”

“No! Not an answer! I still don’t understand it! And the human, he tried to explain, but I still cannot understand how you could want to hold back! Hold back from me? I have waited for you for so long!”

They were arguing. They had never argued before, and Todd had been so afraid of this.

He had to say something, do something. When Astra was little, Todd had been so composed. He’d been a mentor even when he was angry. Even when Lewy had hated him, or FirstLight had criticized his methods, even when he wanted to kill Sprawling Skies, he’d been calm with his Hive.

“I have waited-“

“And it is all about you? You decide when I speak and when I do not!”

That ability was lost now.

Astra growled, nearly snarled. “That is nonsense! Come on, Dara-“

“Todd,” Todd seethed.

“What?”

“Todd, my name is Todd now.”

‘Dara’ was dead; the fucking stars had burned out.

Astra was so taken aback that when he opened his mouth, no words came out.

Todd stood there, holding his arms, trying to swallow what he’d eaten, and hoping he wasn’t shaking enough to be noticed.

Astra regained control of his body by pinching under his sensory pits. He took a deep, rough breath and exhaled in a voluminous sigh. “Can I sit down?”

“W-What?”

“It’s too late to un-see each other, so can I sit down?”

Todd ran his hands over his arms, swallowed again, and agreed.

~

Todd remained standing, but he turned his body toward where Astra was perched on the edge of his chair like a hatchling in trouble. He’d been dreading this most of all, but it was happening, and for better or worse, something would have to come out of his mouth.

Nothing did.

Todd started to pace, he started taking deep breaths, and he started counting the steps he took. They were greater than the number it took to cross in the cell, but they were smaller than the length of his first commander’s quarters. Something would have to come out of his mouth.

Nothing did.

He stopped moving, he turned his back to Astra, and stared straight ahead. Astra’s eyes did not feel like Acastus’s eyes. They did not feel like Lewy’s or even John’s; they felt like Astra’s. Something would have to come out of his mouth.

“LostLight.” That was what came out of his mouth.

Astra’s frown was apparent in his voice. “Lost…Light?”

“That is the name they gave me after you left.”

“Oh…”

Todd took a deep breath. “I wondered where you were, what you all might be up to…I thought about it often.”

“Likewise,” Astra offered. Then, “all the time.”

“All the time,” Todd echoed.

“Then what are we doing? Why am I here and you over there?”

Todd shook his head, his hand straying to his head and then back down again. “Because…because something happened.”

“Something?” his tone was warm, but it didn’t help.

“Just…something.”

Astra was quiet for a long while; then he said, “okay.”

Todd breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you…”

Astra also sighed. “I…my instinct is to tell you that you should have come with us…”

Todd swallowed but it didn’t clear the lump in his throat. “Maybe…but is too late to change that now.” He wanted to turn around, but he was afraid of what he might see in Astra’s eyes.

“I guess so…” the younger Wraith fell silent.

Todd could hear his feet, just barely, and he decided that he wouldn’t move away from Astra’s approaching body. He also decided that, when Astra took his hand, he would squeeze back.

Todd turned slightly to catch his friend’s sad eyes. “Let’s go on a walk,” he said.

~

“Sorry about Estella, she’s-“

“Just like her Nest Queen?” Todd said it because he was uncomfortable and because it was true. His voice had the humorous lilt it got when he wanted to run away.

Walking side by side with Astra, barely touching, was almost even worse than being alone in a room with him. At least he could look at the ground while he walked, but that was the only good thing.

“Yeah,” Astra said proudly. “Just like Mirage.”

Todd flinched at her name on his lips. He couldn’t help but recall the first time he’d heard Astra say it. His voice had dripped with awe as he described her in graphic detail; every hair, every change in her eyes, every kind of smile and full-on grin.

“Her name is Mir-age.” he’d said, taking each syllable apart to honor it. “She’s the smartest woman I’ve ever met.”

The older Wraith had known, then and there, that they would be mates.

Todd wished he could capture that tone in a bottle; what he wouldn’t give to be back where they all began…

Then there was John, who was on Todd’s mind even more now that Astra was here. He itched to ask the question. Why hadn’t they told the human? Did it fall to Todd? John’s approach was imminent, his mental distress palpable.

“How long have you been back?” he asked with a vocal waver.

“Hm…” Astra pursed his lips. “Only a couple of years. We were looking for you the whole time…but, you know, we couldn’t straight up ask.”

“No.” Todd’s tone was wistful. “I assume you…” he cleared his throat. “Have you seen FirstLight?”

Astra nodded, but he looked like he didn’t want to.

A part of Todd withered and died. “I was- I am- I-“ he felt his heart rate speed up, he felt himself teetering towards an edge. “Whatever he told you-“

“I would not hear it past your imprisonment.” Astra had stopped walking, and he grabbed Todd’s hand too, so they stood face to face. “He tried to warn me but-“

Todd wiggled his hand out of Astra’s grip, but he didn’t leave. “Good,” he said, taking a deep breath. “Good…I-“

“You don’t have to tell me, you know.”

But Todd was already shaking, already breathing too hard, and he felt so unstable that he rocked on his legs. “I-It was stupid…stupid stuff, you would not understand…” he clutched the fabric above his heart. “He-He’s dead anyway. John killed him-“

Astra winced. “John-“

Todd was so high-strung that he snapped. “Yeah, John!” He forgot everything else except his lover's imminent arrival, and he lost himself in it. “Must I do everything myself?”

“W-What?”

Todd laughed in a way that meant he wanted to die. “I am not your sire, and you are not a youngling. Someone needs to tell him before he comes in here and tells us himself. Clean up your mess.” He pushed Astra back, barely realizing he was doing it.

“Whoa, Whoa.” Astra’s left hand flew up, his right pointed to the ground. “What are we doing now?”

“Talking about the fact that neither of you has bothered to tell my lover the truth.” He snarled. “I am quite often the bad guy in our relationship, I would prefer to not be him this time.”

But Todd was already the bad guy, he’d known John longer.

Astra laughed – it was also high-strung. “Well, we wanted to, but you were missing.”

“That is not a good enough excuse! Do you think I was allowed to make those kinds of excuses when I was young? No! My mentor-“

Ah, wait.

Astra was looking at Todd like Todd was crazy, and Todd was looking at Astra the same way. Slowly, unfortunately, Todd’s brain kicked it, as did his ability to be humiliated.

His eyes flicked down to the ground and stayed there. He must look crazy, worse even. He bit his lip and tried to come up with a clever response, or one that might stave off the panic.

In the end, he settled on, “Actually…that…that is a good excuse,” in Lantean.

Astra made a face. “Uh huh…”

Todd rubbed his face, he pinched under his sensory pits. “I uh…I get ahead of myself sometimes, don’t I?” he tried to laugh it off.

Astra crossed his arms over his chest. “Yeah…” he scowled. “Dara?”

“What?” But Todd knew what he’d ask.

Astra pulled his hair over his shoulder. His eyes flicked around the room for a moment as if he had to gather himself. “No, I cannot ask it.”

“You can…” but he couldn’t.

“I could, but could you answer honestly?”

Todd shook his head. “Not to everything, not yet.”

“But you were hurt, right?”

He shuddered. Hurt didn’t even begin to cover it.

“You were, I can tell.”

“W-What does it matter?”

Astra looked down at the ground. “I don’t want to hurt you is all.”

Todd swallowed the entire universe, and it hurt like hell.

He’d dreamt of this moment for so long, and now that it was here, he was screwing it up by being unable to act normal. Why could he act normal around John and not Astra? Why could he tell John he’d been raped, but not Astra? Was John not as special? Was Astra somehow less? Surely after so many years any notion of mentoral affection would be gone? They would just be friends because Astra was an adult now, fully and truly. Yet, when he looked at Todd, the Wraith only saw the little one that had tried to prove himself.

He couldn’t tell Astra about the rape, or about the stuff that was worse than the rape. He just couldn’t do it.

Astra’s eyes were gleaming…they almost looked wet…almost looked guilty…

“Why?” Todd asked, bringing his hand up to Astra’s face, wiping away the beginnings of tears. “Why these tears, little one?”

Astra leaned into the touch and closed his eyes. “I just missed you…” he mumbled. “Even when you’re a piece of taickcha; even when you yell.”

Todd clenched his unoccupied fist. Every emotion ever felt hit him all at once, and he yanked Astra into a hug so tight that it could have fractured his ribs.

Astra made a noise and Todd told him to shut up. He held Astra as tight as he could. He needed to take his apprentice who was still his apprentice in completely. He needed to almost crawl inside Astra’s skin.

Finally, Astra squeezed back. His breath was felt on Todd’s own body, and his exhale against Todd’s hair.

“I won’t ask if you promise to stop avoiding me.” the younger Wraith said.

Todd growled possessively. “I promise.”

Astra sniffled, his tears fell onto Todd’s coat and rolled off it like oil on water.

Notes:

Once again, thank you for all the support!

Chapter 27: Mirage

Summary:

Todd and Mirage reunite

Notes:

Originally this chapter was supposed to be longer, but I needed the upload win after being gone for so long (and not writing much). Hope you enjoy it!

Todd

 

Todd told Astra the situation with John, and they very quickly headed to take fighters to Astra’s Hive. Luckily the ships were only a short distance away from each other by fighter, explaining how Estella had snuck out.

“She’s not allowed to take ships by herself,” Astra was saying.

Estella, who was practically being dragged by her sire, grumbled something about fairness. She looked extremely disappointed to have been caught, and even more to be taken back. Why the youngling hadn’t taken the chance to fly back on her own, Todd didn’t know.

“Not allowed?” Todd tried to hide his bafflement, but he couldn’t. “You were fighting in the war near her age.”

“Exactly-“

“Not a word from you.” Astra glanced at Todd. “It isn’t war times though, is it? And I was six hundred.”

“You were not six hundred, you were three hundred.”

“I was definitely six hundred.”

“Really? I could have sworn…” He thought back, did the math, and grimaced. I’ve gotten old, he thought. To save face he said. “Well, when I was two hundred-“

“And five.”

“And five. I was training to be a Commander; by three hundred I was going off Hive.”

Astra snorted. “And FirstLight sectioned your visits to these human worlds?”

Todd’s cheeks burned. He was, truthfully, only around the human mental age of fifteen when he discovered humanity was as evolved as Wraith. It had started with a captive human who begged for his life and ended with visits to that human’s world to see for himself how people lived. It turned out, they were just like Wraith. Well, not exactly like Wraith, but close enough.

It was there that Todd had sworn his friendship to humanity, and it was there that he’d been beaten nearly to death by his mentor for so blatantly disobeying the rules.

Not that he hadn’t gotten a few solid hits in himself before the Wraith knocked him out.

These were not things he’d tell John. For Wraith, violence was a given. Sometimes he and FirstLight had beat each other bloody just for fun, just to see who was better. Todd had never laid more than a slap or two on Astra, but that was because the Wraith wasn’t as gods awful annoying as Todd had been.

If the roles had been reversed, knowing what he knew now about running a Hive, Todd wasn’t sure he would have been as patient as FirstLight had been.

Todd could never tell John because he could not explain that it was Acastus, not FirstLight, who taught Todd to associate violence with abuse. It was Acastus who had stroked him, kissed him, then broken his nose or ribs. It was Acastus who fucked him and electrocuted him in the same breath. And it was Acastus who had turned punches into powerplays and bruises into bitter, ugly marks of weakness.

When Todd looked back on his childhood, he didn’t feel ashamed or afraid. Instead, he felt empowered by the times he won and encouraged to do better by the times he lost. He remembered being scooped up, tended to, and sent back to work only after FirstLight had loving returned him to peak condition. He remembered rules, and limitations, he remembered being challenged to the fights, even on that planet, even when he probably deserved to be banished, or killed. He remembered refusing to submit but knowing that his mentor would never actually hurt him in any way that would last.

A slap or two, or a punch, maybe a scratch was one thing; a litany of abuses from a man who literally held your life in his hands was something entirely else.

But that was the past; nowadays, Todd couldn’t handle his old traditions. FirstLight and he had learned that the hard way through a fight that ended in Todd blacking out the minute he felt blood on his brow.

The old Wraith promised never to hurt him again, and Todd hated himself even more.

Back in the present day, he muttered something unintelligible, then pointed out that they were at the jumper bay. Estella should probably be challenged for what she’d done, but Todd wouldn’t suggest it. He might not ever think normally again.

Astra boarded and beamed Estella into his fighter while Todd boarded another. When he touched the controls, he thought of John flying them away from harm. As he accelerated, he wondered if they’d get there in time. Many times, he’d thought about reaching out, but this was something John needed to hear in person. It was something they all needed to hear in person. The fighter dipped at his direction and Todd imagined the questions each had. He wondered how Genevieve could have married someone like John’s sire. He hoped to everything that she hadn’t found herself an Acastus.

They docked. Todd took a moment to brace himself. This Hive had been his secret during the war. It was an enemy ship, commandeered and bent to his will with an ability that had surprised even him. He’d almost been its Queen, if that was even possible, and when the war fell apart, he’d given it to Astra to escape on. He wondered if it would remember him and love him the way it had. He hoped it would remember the good parts and not the part where its entire crew and Queen perished under his watch. Of course, that was ridiculous; Hives did not mourn, they resisted only until a worthy replacement came along.

Taking a deep breath, he let the hatch open. The air was sweet, cold, and slightly earthy just like all Hives, but he smiled when he saw the familiar layout of the fighter bay.

“Da- Todd, we don’t have much-“

Todd held up his left hand to silence Astra and closed his eyes for a moment. He could hear it in the back of his head and feel it down his arms. The Hive’s presence was as familiar as Astra’s, and it hit him everywhere. He took a deep breath and let it out, feeling the Hive roll over him as he did.

When he felt ready he swung his legs over the side and landed on its surface. It rolled under his heel in a familiar welcome. In the back of his mind, a ghost whispered.

‘Hello,’ he told the air around him. He inhaled the sweet, earthy scent of it and shivered with excitement.

It murmured; Todd felt its spark of recognition deep inside him.

“It’s as happy to see you as I am,” Astra said, settling his hand on Todd’s shoulder. “And as happy as she will be.”

Todd flinched. “Will she?”

“What do you mean?”

He sighed. After all, Todd had, if by accident, completely destroyed their whole way of life. Would Mirage hold that against him the way Genevieve had? Would she denounce him the way her sister had done, and taken off without so much as a glance back?

Astra shook his head, “She holds no such feelings, I swear.”

Todd quirked his lips. “I did not even feel you enter my mind.”

“Some bonds are unbreakable’ he reached down with his left hand and squeezed Todd’s right.

Todd wasn’t sure if he was so in love with that, but he didn’t mind Astra seeing his surface thoughts like Bonewhite did. Come to think of it, if Todd reached out just a little more, he could also hear what surrounded the other Wraith. It was like when FirstLight and he entered the same room. Even with hundreds of years in between, there was nothing either male could do to block their minds completely – not without great physical discomfort.

Astra also smiled. ‘Hear me?’

Todd crushed Astra’s hand. ‘I hear you.’

Astra let Estella out and she raced off as quickly as she could. Todd watched her go, wishing to everything that she’d turn around a make a scene, stall them.

‘She’s going ahead to warn Mirage.’

‘Shouldn’t you do that?’

Astra shrugged. ‘Sometimes humans have to hear things out loud. We forget that.’

‘Is this you trying to give me advice about John?’

He laughed. ‘Just don’t forget, when he comes in here, both his mind and mouth are going to move at once.’

Even still, Todd reached out into the vaster space, trying to see if Mirage was as near to him as Astra. He heard a glimmer, but because she wasn’t Wraith, wasn’t his lover, that was all he got without establishing a real link again.

~

Astra was telling her to be calm, but Mirage’s voice was getting louder. From the other side of the door, Todd was regretting ever even going to Atlantis to ask for help with the nursery in the first place.

Words like “Now he wants to see us?” and “Who told him?” fluttered out and punched Todd in the face.

“What are we…no, not that…”

“…face it, nothing more…do.”

And the waiting was torture too. He wanted to either burst in there or fling himself into a star.

Finally, finally, Estella peeked her head out, gave Todd a look, and before he could tell her to wait, let the door open all the rest of the way.

Todd’s breath caught in his throat.

Mirage was standing there, and it was like going ten thousand years back in time. Somehow, despite everything he’d been through, she was exactly how he’d remembered her – if with a few more grey hairs. Long, dark, wavy hair, freckles, skin that was just gently tan, and those green eyes she, her sister, and nephew shared. But it was more than that; her entire being was as it was. From the moment her frown turned into a smile, he knew her, for the second she blinked, shifted, he remembered.

~

It was when he was young, as most things were. Todd – Guide – Guide had only recently secured his alliance with the Lantians. He’d been rejected by FirstLight too, but that didn’t matter because he was spending every minute of every day with Lantian scientists, trying desperately to prove that it was worth it, that Wraith kind was worth it. The whole deal hung on a single, fraying thread, and he was sure it would snap at the first sign of tension.

Que Astra. Astra was young, uninfluenced, un…well, unsullied by two thousand years of living with Wraith. Guide was too quick to snarl, he was too fast, too strong. Once, when he was upset, he nearly raised his palm to a fellow scientist named Janus.

Guide made the decision to make Astra his liaison the moment he realized he could never really connect with these people. He loved them, gods he loved them, but there was too much he loved about his own kind too. Wraith were not monsters, and he couldn’t stamp down his urge to tell everyone that for much longer.

Astra didn’t have that problem because he was only six-hundred years old and the only other Wraith he’d ever cared about was dead.

So, Guide went back to Hive life, to his duties as both a Commander and a lover, and left Astra in charge of relations. He’d pop in once or twice a month with new secrets and ideas, but that was it.

It was better that way anyway; he couldn’t realistically stay away from Sprawling Skies’ Hive for that long, even with the long list of excuses he’d doctored and which she’d barely listened to between putting her dress back on and conferring about the war. He was a Commander; he didn’t have Astra’s anonymity.

Besides, Two Moons needed him both as a lover and a guide. She was only holding her own well in the war because of his expertise.

And Queens still said males couldn’t hold their own. Ha! If they could just see him…

Well, that was another matter.

The first time he met Mirage was sitting across a table from her mother and all the other insufferable members of the Council who Guide hated, which was all of them. Especially Moros, gods, he could not stand him.

Mirage was listening in – being the first-born twin she was set to inherit her mother, Melia’s seat. She stood, not sat behind her mother’s chair, and stared at Guide piercing green eyes.

Guide tried not to let it bother him. She was young, only twenty-seven at the time, hardly a queen. Yet, she was female… He didn’t like the way she stared at him like he was a novelty. Guide got enough of that from Sprawling Skies, from the other Queens. Yet…well he knew she didn’t mean it that way, and he was a novelty to her.

This was the human Astra had met? Who he had raved about? How was she special? What made him so attached? She was beautiful, yes, but most Queens were. There was nothing about her at first glance, besides her eyes, that was particularly interesting.

Then again, Guide was a lot older, he’d had time to become uncomfortable. Maybe, to Astra, this human was as fascinating as the first human, male, Guide had laid with all those years ago.

These questions distracted him through the whole meeting, right until the end when Melia stood, put her hand on her daughter’s shoulder, and said, “You say your Queen knows of your presence here?”

“She does.” They thought Two Moons was his Queen.

“Then when you depart you will bring along my daughter, Mirage. She is to be our ambassador, our liaison, and we wish for her to see how you live so that we may see it.”

“A-A female?” he’d said with alarm, standing to his full height.

“Is that a problem?”

Yes, and no. On Sprawling Sikes’s Hive, yes…Two Moons wouldn’t mind, but maybe it would confuse the other Wraith… did normal Wraith feel a human woman’s presence too? Guide couldn’t feel either.

“Do you have something to hide?” Moros asked insufferably.

Guide shook his head “Of course not. All I have is what I share with you.” He crossed his arms. ‘But we are a matriarchal society, it might confuse the Wraith on my Hive to have another, uh…woman there.”

Mirage frowned; her young face was barely able to look stern. “If you’re so matriarchal, why has your Queen not visited?”

Guide was good at hiding his emotions, but that question got to him. It wasn’t so much the words but the way she asked it…

Interesting, maybe he could see where Astra was coming from.

“We are in the middle of a war, my lady, she is occupied.”

“And you aren’t?”

It was that tone, that slightly sarcastic, musical tone that did it. He smirked, cocked his head to the side just a little, and said. “Oh, very, but I make time for my most trusted allies.”

Mirage scoffed and Guide was lost. He would know this human who could stand up to Wraith and feel no fear. Even Moros shook, but Guide could not smell or sense anything coming from the girl.

“Is that a yes or a no?” Moros demanded.

Guide grinned. “A yes, councilor. I find myself as interested as you are.”

Mirage’s eyes took on a sharp, interested quality Guide liked a lot more than her stare. “Excellent. I will pack my things.”

It was easy to like her after that. Mirage didn’t back down, she didn’t give up. She took in the whole Hive, Two Moons and all, and wanted more. She was passionate, she cared the way he cared, and she wouldn’t let anyone forget it. Hours spent arguing with her mother and the other council members, nights being frustrated about the culture clash, and days working toward peace, so much of it was spent together. When Astra had finally, finally, formally introduced her as his lover, Todd had felt only joy.

This was the Hive he wanted.

~

“Aniela,” he purred. Aniela, was the Wraith word for a mirage – but she was real.

Her mouth opened, but no words came out.

“I know,” he spoke softly. “And I’m so sorry,” he said in Lantian. “I had to…I couldn’t…”

She shook her head. “Is it…really you?” he could tell that she wanted to touch him. She was afraid too.

All he could do was nod.

Two seconds later she slammed into him, her arms open wide.

He gasped, he hugged her back; he buried his face in her hair, and took in the scent of Atlantis, the scent that still lingered all these years.

By the time she pulled away, both of them were crying. Todd could count on one hand the number of times he’d cried, now he couldn’t.

“You always do this to me,” he told her, trying to rub the moisture away.

Mirage laughed, she wiped away his tears and then her own. He did the same to her, his smile matching her own. water dripped down each of their faces and their shoulders shook as if they were one person instead of two. Hers were salty, his would smell earthy to her if she could smell them.

“O-Oh god,” she gasped. “I thought I’d never see you again.”

“I understand.” he pulled her back against him holding her by the back of her head, feeling her soft hair like it was for the first time.

“Ten thousand years and you’re still you,” she told him. “I’d recognize you anywhere.”

She meant it, she really did.

“You are much the same as well,” he muttered, “Though, perhaps a little brighter?” She was radiant.

She giggled. “If I am bright is because I can see you again.” She pressed a hand flat on his cheek. “I see you and you are real.”

He covered her hand with his. “We are both real.”

Each stared into each other’s eyes like they were trying to learn every part of each other all over again. What had she done? Where had she been? Who had she been in each moment, and who was she now?

“I have so many questions,” they said at once. She laughed, then he laughed and they were laughing and he was picking her up and twirling her in the air like he used to. Her hair, laced with jewels, swung around her shoulders.

He could vaguely feel the other’s looking, but only barely. Todd was focused on Mirage, wholly and completely. He wasn’t even focused on how he looked. For the first time in years, he didn’t care.

“You have more children,” he said when he set her down. “And more Hive.” What he meant to say was ‘Do you hate what I did to you?’ but he couldn’t say that.

“Much more. Oh, Dara, you won’t believe the places I’ve been, the things I’ve seen.”

“I am sure I wouldn’t. He cupped her cheeks and ran circles over them with his thumbs.

She grinned and planted a kiss on his forehead. “This was well worth the wait.”

He tried to speak but the words lodged in his throat. He couldn’t stop looking at her, couldn’t stop touching her. He was worried that if he so much as blinked, this might all go away.

Luckily, before he could think too hard about that, the air around them changed.

Todd and Astra looked at each other. “John,” they both said at once.

 

 

Notes:

Thank you for reading, and for your continued support <3

Chapter 28: You Can't Hold the Past Alone

Summary:

John learns a little bit more about his past, and the people who loved him.

Notes:

I hated this chapter for a while, then finally thought of something interesting to do with it! I hope you enjoy!

John

 

John knew Todd would sense his arrival, so he chose to wait in the dart bay. He knew Todd would come to him because the Wraith owed him that. He also knew that before he talked to Mirage, he needed to talk to Todd.

Todd whose guilt John could feel prickling up the back of his spine. That wasn’t all he could feel; there was love, brightness, apprehension, and a tinge of embarrassment as well. Not all of it was directed at John either.

Had he met up with his friends?

“Can you feel him too? he asked Teyla. They were leaning on the Jumper. Or Teyla was leaning, and John was hopping from foot to foot.

“Todd?”

“Yeah, does it work that way?”

She nodded, making a face. “I can feel them all, but Todd has a particular…intensity that I am unaccustomed to.”

“Good…or bad?”

She shrugged. “Neither. It is…interesting to use my abilities, it always has been.”

“Y-Yeah…” he stammered, bunching the fabric of his jacket and twisting the material. ‘It’s really fucking weird…but I uh…I think I like it? It’s nice to feel him, anyway.”

Teyla smiled at him. “It feels similar with Kanaan.” She ran a hand from his forearm to his shoulder and squeezed it gently. “You will get through this, I promise.”

He rolled his eyes at her. Leave it to Teyla to read his mind.

“You are also quite loud now that I know you.”

He flushed and frantically rubbed his face to try and clear it up. It didn’t work, especially when she laughed at him. “It is nice, it is not something I ever thought I could do before.”

He had to smile at that, but in a second the relief twisted back into anxiety. “There are probably lots of things about me like that now…”

She sighed and squeezed his shoulder again. “You are still you.”

“Yeah, and ancient.” Jesus.

“You were always ancient. Perhaps it is why I trusted you so easily.”

John laughed and that felt good. “We have had very different experiences with those people.”

Teyla shook her head, but she was smiling. “Just take it one step at a time, and remember that we are all here for you, always, like you are always there for us.”

John gulped; he shivered under the intensity of her gaze. He so desperately wanted to find the words to tell her how much he loved her.

“I know…” Teyla started, but she trailed off and her eyes fell to look at something further out.

John followed her gaze and found himself face-to-face with Todd. The Wraith lingered serval feet away, an unsure look in his eyes.

John’s heart lurched. He wanted to run to him, wanted to make sure he was okay, but he didn’t. He couldn’t focus on Todd when his head was filled with his own questions. He needed answers, and he needed Todd to be okay with that.

“Go on,” Teyla whispered. “I am right here.”

John took a deep breath, he gathered up his courage, and then he looked directly at Todd and said, “So, I’m an…an ancient.” Teyla entwined her hand with his and he squeezed it. “That’s not news to you, is it?”

“No,” Todd said like he couldn’t breathe. “And I am so-“

“No,” John shut him down. “No more apologies. I just want answers, okay? Can you do that for me?”

Todd dipped his head. “I can.”

John let himself relax a little bit. “Good…that’s all I really need right now.”

 

~

 

They sat in the cockpit of the Jumper. Teyla was stationed outside to give them privacy, but so she was still close enough that John could feel her mind on his.

He actually was adapting to it pretty well, almost like it was his native state…

“It is,” Todd blurted out. “Not so much as me, but Lantians also possess a unique ability to connect like that. It is not unthinkable that you and your mother…” he trailed off, his hands crushed the fabric of his coat.

John gulped down a lump. He cleared his throat a few times and blinked until he was certain he could speak with a semblance of control. “S-So…you knew my mother?” It was as good a start as any.

Todd nodded. “A very…long time ago.”

“My mother was in the war? And Mirage is my aunt, and you are-“

“Yes, that is where we all met. I knew them well.”

He gulped. “How well?”

“Mirage was my best friend, and your mother was nearly an apprentice.”

“Holy fucking shit,” John breathed out, tears prickling the corners of his eyes. “And you’ve known who- what I am the entire time?”

They caught each other’s eyes and Todd’s were full of grief. “Sheppard, I am-“

“I told you no apologies.” He gripped the armrests of his chair.

 “But you deserve one. I should have told you, but I could not-“

“Why?”

“Because…”

“Because why? That’s what I want to know.”

“Because you would not have believed me, Sheppard.”

John narrowed his eyes. “Of course, I would have believed you-“

“No, no John.” Todd leaned forward. He held his left hand out but kept his right away. “Before this adventure, your favorite pastime was telling me how much you wanted me dead. I was in no position to barge into your life and announce your past. I was just a Wraith, remember? You did not trust me yet; I would have lost any and all credibility in our alliance if I told the truth. The whole of Atlantis would have thought me insane. And even if they had believed me, you wouldn’t have, or they would have made me tell them about the Attero device, and about my disability, and everything I do not want to share with them.”

John just stared into Todd’s slightly wild eyes. He wasn’t wrong.

“I could not have told you; and when I could have, when we were safe, when we were in love, you were taken from me.”

“We’re still in love,” was what John managed. “This doesn’t change that.”

“It does not?”

“No,” he shook his head to deny the thought even a second more in his head. “I’m not even angry at you. I tried to be, but it didn’t work.” He smiled somewhat sheepishly.

“That is…ah…” Todd slumped in his seat and put his head in a hand. “I thought…” he said it so lowly that John barely heard.

“No, never. There wasn’t time, Teyla thinks so too.”

“Still, I have kept a lot of things from you, John.”

“I know, but you told me and trusted me with them eventually. That’s enough for me.”

“It is?”

He nodded. “As long as we keep on telling each other shit, then it’s fine. We aren’t exactly the obvious couple, you know? It’s going to take some work.”

Todd’s laugh was harsh but bright. “Good to hear, Sheppard, good to hear.”

John smiled at him, even though his body still felt like lead. “And we can continue to work on it now, with you telling me everything you know.”

 

~

 

Todd had met Mirage first, he explained. They’d sort of been forced together, but besides a bit of a rocky first meeting, they’d been fast friends. John’s mom, Genevieve, came about six months later.

The first time she’d stumbled onto Two Moons’ Hive she was uninvited. She’d seen her sister come back and forth from Hive to city so many times, and each time, she’d asked Mirage about it in great detail. She was trying, Todd said, to make sure her sister was okay. Genevieve was uneasy with Astra and Mirage’s relationship, her friendship with Todd, and the days she spent on Hives. She didn’t like that she wasn’t allowed to come along.

So, one day she asked Mirage to take her with her the next time she went up to the Hive. In secret, of course, and Mirage had agreed.

None of the Wraith had noticed until she’d done it three more times, and then only because another Wraith had caught her wandering a hall.

By then, Genevieve was sure these Wraith had no secret malintent. She got Todd to say it anyway, she made him swear it.

Then, Todd told John, she’d asked, no, demanded, to be a part of it all. That he didn’t need to tell Atlantis, that she would even run him information no one else could get to because everyone else working on the project was constantly being watched to make sure they only shared what Moros wanted them to share.

When Todd asked why she’d care about any of that, she’d shrugged and said, “I’m a pilot, and and an engineer. I want to know about your technology, but no one will teach me.”

“Why not?” the Wraith had asked.

“Because I’m not allowed to be part of the project in case something happens to my sister. Bloodlines, you know?”

“I do.”

“Besides.” And this had sealed the deal. “Mirage only knows what Moros tells her, and Moros doesn’t tell her much. You need me.”

She was a lot like Wraith, and Todd had loved her for it.

 

~

 

“Wow…okay, wow.” John was pacing the cockpit, his hands running through his hair  “My mother was a pilot?” Like him, he was like her.

Todd chuckled. “The best I’d ever met until you. She taught me the finer points of my own technique.”

John’s head was buzzing. Thoughts of his mom flying a jumper and a dart shot through his head. “You really mean that?”

“I do. You are so much like her, in so many ways.”

John laughed roughly and blinked back tears. “But what happened then? How long did things go on like that?”

“Ten years, until the Attero device,” Todd murmured. “She didn’t know about that one. I think Moros had caught on by then and just…” he sighed. “And then it was all gone…”

“Why didn’t you go with them?”

Todd shook his head. “I had to stay here for when your people returned. I was-“ his voice cracked and he pressed a hand to his lips like he couldn’t say what came next.

John came over, and, for the first time since he’d found out, took his free hand, lacing their fingers together. “You were what?” He had to push, he had to know.

“Supposed to be here,” Todd snapped. “I was supposed to greet you on Atlantis before you could find out about my kind. I was supposed to start things up again.” He crushed John’s hand.” But I was with Acastus, so I missed it.”

John cursed and Todd laughed. He rubbed his eyes even though they were dry. “That is why I have been so patient with your people. I need to start it up again, it is my entire purpose for still even being alive.”

John bent down and kissed his forehead. “An alliance, huh? Sounds nice.” John wasn’t sure if it was feasible, but he liked the idea of trying.

With a hand on John’s back, Todd guided him onto his lap with his legs straddling the Wraith’s waist. Todd put his head on John’s shoulder and John rested his chin on Todd’s head.

“That is, of course, the short story. There is a lot more I can tell you, one day…”

“Mmhm, yeah I think that’s enough for now too.”

Todd’s arms got tighter. He kissed John’s shoulder gently.

Of course, John still had questions like; how long have you actually known? Does my being Lantian factor into our relationship?  What’s expected of me now? But Todd was right, they needed a break before John greeted his family.

Holy shit, his family.

“I will walk you,” Todd said softly. “And I will be by your side for as long as you need.”

John mushed his face into Todd’s scalp and hugged him as hard as he could with his legs. “Thank you.”

 

~

 

They, John, Todd, and Teyla (because she wanted to see if Estella was there) stood before the door that Mirage was behind.

“You do not have to do this now,” Todd said, running his hand up and down John’s back.

“Yes, he does,” Teyla said. “If he does not, he might never.”

Todd started to snarl, but John cut him off with a look. “She’s right. If I can barely face it now, time and distance is only gonna make it harder.”

Todd shrugged and sighed.

John took a deep breath, Squeezed Teyla’s hand, and knocked. The door opened on Mirage standing right there.

Looking at her now he could see everything he’d tried to ignore. Her hair was the same color as his, her eyes too. When she smiled, she had dimples just like his mom had. They weren’t identical; Mirage was taller, she had freckles where Genevieve had not, and her eyebrows were fuller, her nose a bit smaller and her chin a little thinner, but there was no denying their relation.

“John,” she said after a moment’s hesitation. “Welcome.” Her voice had that strange, but all too familiar faded accent he’d heard best when his mom sung him to sleep.

John wasn’t planning on it, but he hugged her. He wasn’t angry anymore, at least not as much as he was desperate to be near her. To be near that first person in his family who might love him.

She squeezed him in a grip so tight it nearly hurt. Her hair was soft on his face, she smelled like warmth, like familiarity, like home. Mirage cradled the back of his head and ran her fingers through his hair. She took deep, soothing breaths once he started to shake.

“I so wanted to tell you the truth, but with everything going I just couldn’t. I did not want to overwhelm you.”

“I-It’s okay…” he took deep breaths, deeper than hers. “I mean, it’s not, and it’s a lot, but it’s fine, it’ll-“

“It’ll be fine once you know more?”

“Y-Yeah…I mean, Todd can only tell me so much, but you…”

She could tell him everything. She could answer every question, soothe every anxiety, shatter his every curiosity.

“I’ve arranged for us to share a meal while we speak,” she said through a chuckle, then she inhaled against his hair, and he felt her smile. “Is that alright?”

He nodded. “Food sounds nice…talking sounds nice.”

She peeled herself away slowly like it hurt, and instead took one of his hands in hers. She was crying, he was too. “It’s just in the other room.” She glanced at Todd, smiled at him, then looked at Teyla with a similar warm expression. “Would you like them with us?”

John bit the inside of his cheek. He thought he did, but he’d also thought this would be scarier. Feeling a little guilty, he shook his head and turned around to them. “Maybe just uh…stick close by?”

Teyla grinned. “I will be on alert.”

Todd said the same. John got the impression that they both had places to go and people to see. Todd surely to Astra and Teyla to Estella. He let them go, he could do that. He could talk to his aunt without someone holding his hand.

Just Mirage and he was awkward, but not unbearably awkward. They walked to the room in a weird silence, but as soon as they were really alone, as soon they were sitting in front of a pile of foods like the ones he’d been eating all this time, John felt a shift. It was a good shift. They were family already in Mirage’s eyes.

“It is good to see you again, John,” she said and picked up a bit of bread, buttered it, and handed it to him.

“A-Again?”

“I saw you once when you were just born. Your mother invited us to come and see you at your home.”

“O-Oh…even Astra?”

“Even Astra.”

“So…my dad knew?”

Mirage knit her brows together in confusion. “Of course, he knew.”

John put his bread down. “No, he couldn’t have known,” he said icily.

Mirage frowned. “Forgive me, when I knew your father, he was a very…understanding person. Is that not...?”

“Not even close,” John snapped.

“Oh…can I ask what you mean? He was so in love with your mother, it is hard to imagine him any other way.”

John scowled. “That’s real close to what everyone I tried to tell said.” He stuffed his mouth full of bread so he didn’t have to actually answer the question. In fact, he decided to eat the entire piece so he didn’t have to. How could he? He could tell her about the bigotry, but there was no guarantee she’d even understand. He could tell her about almost dying and let her figure it out from there, but would she even believe him? They were family, but she’d known Patrick Sheppard longer.

It was “hard to imagine” Yeah, it always was. Only his stepmom had believed him, and she was nearly powerless day to day.

“Forget it,” he said in between bites. “It isn’t important, he’s dead.”

“Of course it’s important,” she said it earnestly, but that didn’t necessarily mean she meant it.

“No, really, it’s all over and done with anyway.”

She shook her head. Then she gave him this…look. John felt like someone had picked him up and dipped him in hot oil. He felt like someone was holding him after he’d broken an arm or a leg like someone’s hand was in his on the first day of school. He felt raw, exposed, and vulnerable but not bad vulnerable more like little kid vulnerable. Jesus…

He hadn’t had a parent in so long he’d forgotten what it was like to be looked at like that.

“That’s a fucked trick,” he told her. Then he cleared his throat, put his bread down, and said, “He hated me and everything I am.”

Her eyes went wide. “O-Oh my…”

“Yeah.” He dragged his fingers through his hair “I don’t know what happened there, maybe when she died he thought it was my fault.”

“That…That does not sound like him…oh, John…”

“Well, it was. I didn’t even speak to him for nearly twenty years and then he died.”

Mirage took him by the hands and pulled them together to give him a bone-crushing hug. He buried his head in her shoulder and squeezed her back like his life depended on never letting her go.

“If we had known,” she told him, still holding him close. “We would have gotten you out of there.”

Something in his heart seized up. He pushed back the little he could. “Why didn’t you?” could adults feel abandoned?

“Patrick,” she said with venom in her voice. “After the funeral, he told us your mother wanted you to stay on Earth, that she wanted you to lead a normal life with your Earth family. I believed her because…because…” her teeth chattered. “Dara, Todd put our family through a lot. I love him to death, John, but we became part of a game so much larger than us, and Genevieve never forgave him for the promises he couldn’t keep. I could understand her wanting you to just…just live, and to die never having to touch all this danger.” She slumped in her seat. “I am so sorry…”

“I-It’s not your fault,” he told her. He wanted to be bitter, wanted to be angry, but like usual, the person to hate was dead in the dirt. “And maybe she did want that…she couldn’t have known…”

“Maybe.” Mirage wiped her eyes. “I hope…”

 

~

 

They ate in silence for a little, trying to enjoy each other’s company and not think of everything that could have been. The family he could have had, the life, the freedom.

The only comfort he took was that he wouldn’t have ever met the people he loved now. He might not have ever met Todd either, or maybe Todd would have died.

It was enough to unwind his tongue for another question, “Todd uh…Todd says we’re telepathic?”

She chuckled, clearing the tear residue from her eyes before answering. “Yes and no. Amongst ourselves, we can form mental bonds and communicate over short distances. We are much stronger than humans because they cannot control their minds at all. But we are not like Wraith. We cannot hold a thousand connections at once, and we cannot keep the bonds constantly sustained. You will need a break from him just like I need one from Astra.

“But we can communicate with any Wraith?”

“Yes, but they will usually be stronger.”

Suddenly, John remembered something. “What about Atlantis?”

She made a noise of recognition. “Ah, I assume-“

“I hear her all the time. It’s just a faint hum when I’m this far away, but when I’m there it’s like…” he spread his hands out. “I’m there.”

“Yes, yes I know it well.” She leaned forward. “Atlantis is sentient, much like Hive. She is a part of us in every way because of who we are.”

“But my friends can’t hear her?”

“No, because they are not Lantain, they are descendants.”

John’s heart swelled. “I’m not imagining it?”

“No, no you are not.”

“That’s so cool!” He threw his arms out. “So when you stepped onto the city a few days ago, did you-“

“I did,” she said, grinning. “And I felt your excitement through her. Perhaps one day I can teach you how to do that, it’s quite exhilarating.”

“Like a Wraith hive?”

“But better because…” she giggled, heat rising to her cheeks. “Because it’s Atlantis!” she grabbed his hand. “The city gives you the best of everyone if you know how to ask for it, and you wouldn’t believe what it’s like to feel your people all around you.”

His heart fluttered. “I have to go back in a few days, you could come with me?”

“I would like nothing more.”

~

“I have something to show you, come on,” Mirage had said, and now they were standing at the entrance to Genivive’s room.

It wasn’t that John didn’t want to go in, he did, he just…wow.

Mirage stood beside him, waiting patiently until he finally nodded at her to open it up.

John wasn’t sure what he was expecting; certainly, he wasn’t expecting it to be so…so normal. His mom had, for a long time, been a distant memory, a sort of myth-like thing. Looking at this he was confronted with just how much of a normal, regular woman she’d been. He loved it.

Genieve had decorated her walls with vast expanses of blue silk-like sheets in various hues that clearly stood in for wallpaper. Dotted over them were paintings. There was no bed in this room, just a workman’s table, several shelves of books, and sets of drawers. Those things were made of Hive. There was a sitting area that consisted of a circular couch-looking thing – definitely not hive-made – and another smaller table – wooden. On the couch’s top sat a neatly folded throw blanket. On the table laid various diagrams and a few tools.

“I come in once a month to keep it clean,” Mirage said. “And sometimes just to sit in it…”

John swallowed thickly. “Can I…?”

“Please, please.” She ushered him in, her fingers brushing the small of his back. “There's a bedroom off to the right, and a storage closet hiding behind that blank spot. A bathroom of course, and…touch anything you’d like. I rarely do anymore, it’d be nice if it got some…” She pressed a hand over her lips.

John was hesitant to even move, but he forced himself to approach the table – Diagrams indeed. His hands itched to shuffle through them, but the pencil writing was so delicate he didn’t dare mess it up with a stray thumb. He did let himself look, though. Though he couldn’t read the Lantian, it was obvious this construction was an engine. Next to it was a half-finished model of a scaled-down plane. He knew it instantly as a P-51 Mustang.

John traced a finger over the table and imagined what his mom must have looked like hunched over it, possibly for hours. Had she been fascinated by the Earth technology? Or was she underwhelmed after knowing much, much greater things? John spread his fingers out on the table and leaned down like he was looking carefully at something. He felt like a ghost walking through the path of time. If he reached out to touch it, would it disappear?

Who had Genieve been? Parts of her were scattered over this table and in the corners of this room. He could walk around it forever, but would he ever truly find her?

Gently, and just by the edges, John moved aside the first paper. There, underneath it, were plans for wing construction. He didn’t realize he was crying until tears splattered on the corners. If it had been lava, he wouldn’t have moved away as fast.

The room, it would be safe to just look at the room.

The paintings were of skies and planes; jumpers and darts; a few were of Atlantis; some were of places he didn’t know. He fingered the edge of a frame absently and wondered what amazing place it had been.

When he came back to himself, Mirage was sitting on the couch and running one hand over its worn fabric. “We lived here for nearly ten thousand years together,” she said weakly.

“I’m sorry she died,” he said back.

Mirage laughed sadly and wiped away her tears. “You should look up.”

He frowned, but did, and the breath he took hurt. It was something like a hologram that covered the entire ceiling. What it projected was the night sky, all glittering and full of stars and constellations. It was the Pegasus galaxy as he saw it from his balcony. The stars winked, or something shot past the sky – it moved.

“Pegasus was her home,” Mirage explained. “She’d be so happy you made it here.”

John’s heart skipped a beat; a comet burned across his vision. “Do you think she’d like me?” He asked even though that was dumb; Mirage didn’t know him.

“Of course, she’d like you. You meant so much to her, John.” Mirage was at his side, her hand on his shoulder. “You meant so much to all of us, you know.”

John grimaced. He shrugged her off on instinct. “Can I see her room?”

More blue, more paintings and stars. John didn’t care about any of it. He sort of cared about the four-poster canopy bed with it’s perfectly smooth sheets; and the vanity with some of her makeup, hair brushes, and hair ribbons still laying on it, but he didn’t go for them. What he went for was the bedside table that held a pretty green Wraith lamp and a cardboard box labeled: John Sheppard in what was obviously his mother’s handwriting.

“I haven’t opened it,” Mirage said. She hung out in the doorway. “The tape is pretty old so you might need a knife.”

John already had his out, he was already cutting into it and peeling the flaps open. He was clumsy from grief, awe, and anticipation so he almost caught his skin on the blade.

Inside was… he stumbled back, taking the box with him, leaned sideways, and fell on the bed. Pictures…some Betamax tapes, audiocassettes, a thick black photo album – two albums – a few odd things thrown in, and that was just what he could see.

“That’s not the only one, but I thought it was a good start.” Mirage’s voice was distant compared to the roaring in his ears. His heart rate was suddenly a lot higher.

John picked up the top album and wiped it off even though there was no dust. His hands shook as he flipped it open. That familiar sticky Polaroid film sound pricked through the space when the cover came loose. Inside there was an inscription he skipped over on instinct. Not yet.

Pictures of his dad – young and happy, and some of Mirage plus family. Some of their house, their garden…the planes in the sky. There was one of her standing by a sailplane – Oh.

Her with a sailplane…his mother.

She looked exactly like he remembered, but better because he could see every bit of her. Pale, messy brown hair, green eyes, the ever-present vague upturn of her lips – even her nose reflected his. Was it…had it been broken too? He’d never looked much like his dad, he sure did look almost exactly like his mom.

There was picture after picture of her strewn throughout the album. He drank them all in like it was the first drink of his life. There were badly taken ones next to perfect close-ups of her face, next to ones with her sister, her niece, and nephews, her friends…There was even one of her, half blurry, taken as she was rushed to the hospital to give birth to…

And there, on its own page, a perfect photo of Geneieve and a baby John. He was holding her finger in his little fist; she was grinning down at him like he was the only thing in the whole wide world.

John dropped the album into the box and let his head fall into his hands. Then, he cried. He cried in a way he never had before. He cried until his eyes hurt and his chest ached and spit dribbled onto a box flap. He cried until he was just pushing air out of his chest and not really breathing it back in.

When he ran out of tears, he grabbed one of her pillows and shoved it between his teeth so he could scream. He threw it across the room, kicked the box then let out another sob and mumbled a half-delirious apology to it.

When he was done, when he was blurry-eyed, exhausted, and with aching sinuses and a tender throat, he looked up to Mirage to find her holding her hand out to him. “Come on. Let’s bring it to the couch and go through it together.”

He took her hand.

~

 

“Why did she leave the Hive in the first place? I mean to go to Earth, instead of the whole universe?” he asked while he traced his thumb over one of her in the Hive. Some of the pictures were too good to be from the sixties and seventies. Mirage explained that they were taken with Lantian tech.

Mirage chuckled warmly. “That is what I said to her too.”

He gulped. He felt slightly warm. “So…”

“Like I said, she never really forgave Todd for what we lost.” She traced the inscription of a picture. “Actually, I suspect that she couldn’t forgive herself for not knowing about the Attero device.” She sighed. “But she also wanted a community like she’d had on Atlantis. She’d always fit in so well with our people, and she was so loved…” her eyes glimmered. “We…We couldn’t give that to her in the same way. She fell in love with Earth, and on Earth, and that was that. We all loved each other, but Genevieve never wanted to explore space, she wanted to help her people. I was the twin tired of my role.”

John didn’t know what to say, so he just took Mirage’s hand and squeezed. He went back to looking for a while. There was a lot to look at. Genivive had, John realized when Mirage showed her a closet full of stuff, documented her entire life then put it all into albums. Some of the pictures even had inscriptions, like the one he held in his hand now and which he was going to steal and give to Todd.

Was it stealing if it was yours?

It was about, well barely even just a little way through that he realized this had been a project. This had taken time, and not all of it could have been done in the past. She had to have had some time…

“What did she die of?” he asked.

Mirage sighed. She set her album down. “We think the same pathogen that forced us all from the Milky Way and into Pegasus in the first place. It happened to many of the ones that settled there, and I guess in ten thousand years it still wasn’t gone.”

Ice ran down John’s spine. “Could it hurt me?”

“No, no, you have your purely human side to protect you.”

“So, we aren’t humans then?” he closed the album, just for a moment, just to have a break.

Mirage made a face like she wasn’t sure. “I have never thought so. Humans cannot ascend, they cannot form mental connections…they don’t as live as long as we do-“

“Excuse me?”

Again, she laughed. “The average life span for us is about three or four hundred years. I am not sure how it will be for you, but I stopped aging so rapidly around forty. It is the Gift that keeps me alive now though.”

“O-Oh…” That was a long time for a man who still didn’t believe he’d live to see fifty.

“But you will have to see.”

John didn’t know what to say to that, so instead he asked another question. “Do I have any siblings?” He had seen some people in the albums that sort of looked like him, but it wasn’t like he was very unique.

She shook her head. “You did, but they would not be alive anymore.”

“Oh…”

“But you have me and Astra, and all your cousins. Estella likes you, well they all like you, but her a lot. She doesn’t get to meet a lot of people closer to her age.”

“Her age?” John laughed, “What, like a teenager?”

Mirage shook her head, smiling. “Of course not, but you are the first family she’s ever had that isn’t over a thousand years old.”

John could give her that. “You’ll stay here for a little then?”

She looked taken aback. “Of course. I want to ally with Atlantis as soon as it’s safe to, and you are always welcome whenever you’d like. We’re only a wormhole away.”

Only a wormhole away. He rolled that over in his head and a warm glow spread through his entire body.

~

Mirage invited him to dinner that night, but he turned her down on account of that would be too much for one day. Tomorrow night, he promised. all he wanted to do tonight was rest and process, maybe with Todd next to him, but when they met in the hallway John saw the light in his eyes and knew the Wraith would be going to that dinner. That was alright.

“Good talk?” Todd asked John after they kissed. He looked beyond happy.

“And weird, and kinda scary, and wow.”

“And your answers?” Todd slid his hand through one side of John’s hair and his fingers stroked it absently. “You asked your questions?”

John leaned into it “I have a million billion of them still, but yeah, answered. What about you, all cozy with Astra again?”

“I made a fool of myself on our first meeting, but that seems to be a pattern nowadays.”

John couldn’t help but smile. “My bet, he won’t care.”

Todd hummed his agreement. “No, he will not.” He brought one of John’s hands up to his cheek and inhaled. “Never mind that. I have missed you these past hours.”

John couldn’t do anything to hide his flush, and he didn’t want to. “I’m not going anywhere.”

 

 

 

Notes:

As we approach 8,000 reads, I just need to express how incredibly thankful I am to all of you for reading my silly little passion project. Every comment, kudos or just checking out my work means so much to me <3

Chapter 29: And it was Good

Summary:

Todd ties up some loose ends

Notes:

Hello! Seven months might be a record in between updates...lol. What can I say, I had a hell of a semester, went through a breakup, and got pretty depressed. Also, the file that had most of this chapter on it just disappeared? I found it literally two days ago - and let me tell you, it really revitalized my desire to write this thing.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Todd

 

Todd wasn’t going to dinner; that had been a rouse so John wouldn’t worry. He did want to go, desperately actually, but there was something he needed to do before he could face the rest of Mirage’s Hive for the first time. He wanted to say it had been weighing on him the whole time, and in a way, it had, but between seeing John, being with John, and facing his Hive again, the Queen had managed to slip into the background. Now that everything was dealt with – mostly – the situation had crept its way back in. He had to do something about Two Moons. He couldn’t enjoy his Hive until he did.

Mirage thought his idea was stupid and so did Astra, but they got him up to Bonewhite’s Hive anyway. Bonewhite thought it was more than stupid, but he still led Todd to the wing of the Hive where Two Moons was being held. He’d even offered his company, but Todd needed to do this alone. It was only right.

This part of the Hive was…lonely; it was lifeless. The mist was thick and undisturbed, the walls were chill to the touch. There wasn’t a sound besides Todd's own breathing. He’d been in many cells, but none of them were as oppressive as this place. Hives were supposed to be full of life, but it was as if this one had died.

Or maybe that was just his guilt.

Shaking his head, Todd took a tentative step toward the turn that would bring him face-to-face with his oldest lover.

In the past few hours, while John showered and generally tried to set his mind right after everything had come crashing down on him, Todd had thought long and hard about what he wanted to do with her. The easiest, perhaps the smartest, choice would be to kill her. He could make it quick, relatively painless, and snap her neck from behind. He could choke her, which while not painless, would be more pleasant than feeding on her. He could always go an extreme route and take her feeding hand, as well. All would be in his right. Astra had stressed that last one almost to the point of shouting.

He would do none of it. For all that he had been through, Todd was still the same Wraith. Aboard her ship, right before she fell, he had promised her a second chance.

She wouldn’t expect him to honor it, but Todd was raised to be a Wraith of his word. She wouldn’t understand his mercy, but by humans, he had been given the gift to show it.

That was all easier said than done. Instead of going forward, he’d settled against the icy wall.

It wasn’t that he was afraid of her. Two Moons was behind bars – she couldn’t hurt him. What Todd was afraid of, he could admit, was himself. He knew he was going to let her go, but how? A part of him wondered if it wasn’t better to kill her. It would be easier to do that than to talk to her again.

From around the corner, a voice said, “How long are you going to stand there?”

Her voice sent a pang of pain through his heart. If everything went to plan, he’d never hear it again. It was hard to admit to himself that he wasn’t good at moving on, but he wasn’t.

Two Moons’ chuckle did not disguise the exhaustion in her voice. “I can feel your mind. I have waited long, do not make me wait any longer.”

Her boldness still surprised Todd. He wondered whether that was how other Wraith saw him.

“Starlight, have the decency of facing me.”

Old Wraith. He ground his teeth. He’d say the same thing. With a little more than the normal amount of hesitation, Todd turned the corner and found her.

She looked awful. Her makeup was smeared, the ends and sleeves of her dress were tatters, and her hair looked knotted in a few places. It had not been that long, but she would not be used to being trapped in cells. She must have ripped up the dress out of restlessness, and maybe messed with her hair too.

She’d been sitting, but now got to her feet on legs that shook just a little. For a second, he saw himself in her pathetic appearance. Was this how he’d looked in Acastus’s cell? An icy chill took Todd over and he reached from his shirt ranger stunner in some sort of attempt to ground himself.

She noticed and something of a smile crossed her lips. Not a malicious smile, though…

“Starlight,” Two Moons said to Todd.

“I am not your Starlight,” he said back.

She cleared her throat. Her eyes darted to the top corners of her cell. “You are here to kill me then.” She said it like it was obvious, like it wasn’t even a question.

It shouldn’t be a question.

Todd gulped. He didn’t lower his gaze from her piercing stare like any other male would. Instead, he met those eyes, full of hate, head-on. “And break my promise? Is that what you think of me?”

She laughed shrill, sharp, brief, and flicked a coil of hair over her shoulder. “I would surely think so. It is what you should do, is it not?” she wrapped her slender fingers around the angled bars and hissed. “It is what anyone would do.”

Todd flinched. He squeezed the stunner’s handle – it was behind his back. “Do you think you deserve to die?”

She scrunched up her face. “What a stupid question. I tried to have you killed.”

“You tried to do much worse.”

“Precisely.”

Todd took a deep, calming breath that didn’t actually calm him. “You are arguing for your own death.”

Another laugh. “Quit this game. If not death, then what is it you would do to me?”

He barred his teeth. “Nothing, I’m letting you go.”

She hadn’t actually expected it. Her eyes went wide, and her mouth parted just enough to see the tips of her teeth.

“I know the risks, believe me,” he continued before she could butt in with insults. “But I won’t…” He twisted the stunner around his fingers. “I can’t…”

There’d been enough death, enough misery. He wouldn’t keep her caged. He couldn’t keep her. Not after what it had done to him.

“You would set me free after everything?” She was shaking her head in disbelief. “Just like that, with nothing for a punishment but a few days of solitude?”

He winced because it did sound bad, but Todd had never been the type for unnecessary bloodshed. There was a time and a place for vengeance; this was not the time. Vengeance was for when you were in the right. It was for when you were the victim. He’d gotten his vengeance already; he’d gotten to live while she’d spent every waking second obsessed with revenge. And that had failed, which was the best vengeance of all.

He didn’t tell her that, not yet. Instead: “I want to want to kill you. I want to want you dead, or maimed, or hurt beyond recognition. More than anything, I want to want the anger inside me to grow and shift into something ugly. But that would be false. I am angry, but not at you…not entirely.”

She looked at him incredulously, her arms now folded across her chest.

“You were young,” he trembled out. “So was I, but I knew what I was doing.”

“Oh, did you?”

“To a certain extent. I knew it was dangerous, but I was clouded by my youth and passion. I perused you because you were new enough to listen to someone like me.”

“I know that,” she snapped.

“And, I did love you, I still love you, you have to understand. That was not a trick; I would have died for you. I would have…” He gasped like he couldn’t breathe, “I would have lived for you.”

Her gaze softened just a little.

“I’m not here to make excuses for the Attero device. What I roped you into was dangerous, end of story.” He dared to place his fingertips on the bars, near her own tightly curled fists. “And I think…well, what I am trying to say is…what I mean, what I want to say is that I’m…

“What, sorry?” she said with a grimace.

“Yes. Yes, I am sorry.” The words hurt to leave his throat, but once they were out, he felt something inside him relax – something that had been tense for ten thousand years.

She was perfectly still except for her eyes, which were huge; and…were those…no, they couldn’t be.

“I was selfish, self-centered, and self-serving, and I am so, so sorry for everything I cost you.”

“Okay,” she said and blinked rapidly.

“I can’t change the past, but I can offer you the future.” He dropped the stunner and spread his other hand out. “Your Hive is still out there waiting for you; I did not destroy it.

She frowned, but he smelled the relief on her.

“I’m going to take you to a Stargate and send you through any address you’d like. From there on you’ll be on your own to find your Hive. I will not pursue you, and you will not pursue me. That is the key, the condition. My people will not be happy to learn I let you go. I need your word that you will never come after me, John Sheppard, Atlantis, or any of the people we love ever again. If you do, I will not hesitate to employ the city’s full power to bring you to your knees.”

“You can’t be serious,” she snapped. “No, I do not believe you.”

“Believe me.”

She shook her head. “Even you aren’t that reckless.”

He was, certainly, that reckless. “So, I should kill you then? Why?”

“It is what we do.” She snarled at him. “We attack and kill each other, over much less than this, that is the Wraith way.”

“It was not always.”

“It is now.”

“Then it isn’t my way.”

“Then you are a fool. There is nothing stopping me from coming at you with all my might.”

“Maybe not, but that is a risk I’m willing to take.”

She snarled, low and domineering.

“Listen to me,” Todd pleaded. “I am choosing to trust you, do you understand?”

“My word cannot be enough for you,” she accused, the scent of her disbelief strong. “That is ridiculous. Why should you take me at what I say when I did not do the same for you?”

He chuckled. “For starters, I am notoriously untrustworthy.”

“You think this is funny?” she said, aghast.

He shook his head. “Not at all. Listen, it is a gamble, but it is always a gamble with me.”

She narrowed her eyes. “You are serious.”

“I would bet my-“ he rolled his eyes. He had bet his organ. “Well, yeah, I am.”

He saw her own little eye-roll even though she tried to hide it by glancing at the wall. “And all I must do is promise to leave you alone, you want nothing more?”

He shook his head. “I have all I could want.”

This time she didn’t try to hide her relief.

Todd allowed himself to smile, just a little. He slipped his fingers through the bars, hesitated, then trailed them down her face before pressing his palm, his feeding palm, to her cheek. “Please, I do not want to see you dead.”

Two Moons stared at him, her eyes scanning his for a lie, then she closed them and inclined her head.

Todd closed his eyes, just to feel her one last time. She was still as soft as she’d been all those years ago. Soft and cool under his rough hand. She still seemed so young, but she wasn’t anymore. She was smart not to trust him, that instinct would take her far.

What surprised him was when she said, “You could come with me.”

He pulled his hand away, not because he was disgusted by the prospect, but because it made his heart ache.

She reached out with her own to try and follow his retreat, but halfway through she saw the look in his eyes and withdrew. “Because you love another?”

He could almost laugh. It was far too easy to imagine a life where he went with her and rebuilt what they’d had. It was easy to see himself commanding her Hive and dragging it back to glory. They could be great like they had been before, he was certain of that. The idea was sweet on his mind and his tongue. All prospects involving belonging to a Hive were like; they were nearly irresistible. How hard it was to turn down living in a place he truly belonged.

Like the times before, he almost wanted it – almost. Different from those times, he had a better reason for turning her down.

“It is not Sheppard,” he told her “Though it is true that I have carved a new life out for myself, and that I love another, it is not because of that.”

She narrowed her eyes. “Then what?”

“Because I am not good for you.” The truth was sharp to say.

She scoffed. “What if I forgave you?”

“You won’t, not really. And even if you did, it is possible to forgive Wraith who hurt us and still move on from them. Wraith who hurt us do not always deserve to know us again, least of all me to you. You deserve to make your own life apart from me, truly, without me as a single thought in your mind ever again. I didn’t mean to take your life away, but I did. Take it back. Do not ask me to be by your side when it is the one place I should never be.”

She stared at him for so long that he was afraid she’d frozen there, but at last, she took a deep breath, ran her tongue over her bottom lip, and asked in the smallest voice ever, “Even if I still love you?”

“Especially then.”

Two Moons looked at him the way she had all those millennia ago when he’d sat on her nest, his confidence his only weapon, and wit his own skill. He was different now; so was she. She was smarter, and more patient in her cunning. She possessed a wicked edge he had to admire even if it made his skin itch. Todd was infinitely more jaded. He would never be as carefree as he’d used to be. His wit and charm would seem acidic to her now. Sometimes they tasted like that on his own tongue. He could not give her what she wanted. He wasn’t even sure Sheppard would stay.

“I do forgive you, but I’m sure you’re right,” Two Moons whispered. “I would always remember my Hive half broken, and the silence of outcast.”

Todd breathed out, nodding his agreement. “You will be happier, I hope.”

“It is worth a try.”

~

Bonewhite helped transport her back to Astra’s Hive and its Stargate. None of them talked. Save for a few glances between Todd and Bonewhite, no one did much of anything besides walk there. Todd could feel Bonewhite’s disapproval though. That was okay; this was the right choice. He was sure that whenever he next saw FirstLight, the male would talk his ears off for hours about it, but that was alright too.

Astra made sure that no one was near the gate area, and Bonewhite went off to a corner, so they had complete privacy for this, their last meeting. Before he left, the younger aWraith clasped Todd’s shoulder and squeezed. Todd titled his head in thanks. The feeling of his hand lasted until the gate activated with the address she’d given. Todd eyed its rippling surface warily, half expecting an army to burst through. It would be like her.

But none came and he allowed himself the mercy of believing none would.

“This is it, then,” she said to him. Two Moons stood perfectly still, but her voice wavered. “Ten thousand years and I’ll never see you again.”

“You’re lucky that way,” he said with a halfhearted chuckle she didn’t share.

“With luck, my Hive will find me soon. This planet is our rendezvous point.”

He flinched; he’d taught her to do that. Most Wraith were too proud to believe they’d be separated from their Hives, but it was so easily possible.

“Don’t get into trouble,” she continued. “If you can help it.”

He smiled absently. “I cannot promise that.”

She rolled her eyes. “That is just like you.”

Didn’t he know it.

Silence fell between them. Todd could feel her mind gently rolling against his. He kept his walls up. Just in case. If she cared, she didn’t let it show. She only stood as if she was waiting for something else. They both glanced at the Stargate. He scuffed one of his boots on the floor.

Then, the Queen of Two Moons sighed. She brought her feeding hand to his cheek and pressed the pads of her fingers against his skin. “Thank you,” she told him. “You have changed, it is obvious.”

Todd laced his fingers in hers and closed his eyes so she wouldn’t see what emotions lived in them. She didn’t elaborate on if it was for the better, but he chose to take it that way. “So have you. You will do well; you will be great again.”

Her gentle rumbling was the only thing he could hear. It sounded exactly the same as it had before.

Two Moons was the one to pull away first. But at the same time as her hand retreated, her body raised. Before he could think, she kissed him on the cheek. Her familiar lips sent a pang through his heart, which doubled when she traced her offhand over his Commander’s Mark. “Good luck, Starlight,” she told him.

“Good luck-“ he tried, but she was halfway through the portal before he even started.

Todd stayed there well beyond when the gate deactivated; until a large hand clasped around his shoulder again.

When he turned around, he found the two of them – Mirage and Astra – standing there with a deep kind of affection in their eyes. A lump formed in his throat.

“I thought I said-“

“We know you don’t want to do anything big right now,” Mirage said.

“But eat with us, just the two of us?” Astra finished. “Please?”

They wanted to talk to him. Of course they wanted to talk to him.

Mirage clasped her hands together in a plea gesture. “Just for a little while? Dara, I want to know you again. I don’t think I can wait another second.”

Despite the past, well, everything, Todd couldn’t ignore how much he wanted it. With unsteady hands, he reached out, took one of their hands each, and drew them all close together. “Alright, agreed.”

~

“Have a good dinner?” John asked, his voice rough with sleep, as Todd climbed into the nest. Honestly, he was surprised John was still coherent. He’d talked with Mirage and Astra for about what felt like forever before coming back there. He’d been hoping the human would be so deeply asleep that he wouldn’t notice Todd come in. No luck.

“I did.” He had; it hadn’t been awkward at all. Todd used one hand to pull the human against him, and the other to cover them in one of the blankets. “Not with the hatchlings, though. I was not ready.”

John pressed his face against Todd’s shoulder and yawned. “That's good. And you let your Queen go?”

Todd tensed. “How-“

“I heard you thinking about it before we split,” the human said gently.

Todd started to pull away, but John wrapped an arm around him and pressed his palm felt against the base of Todd’s spine. “It’s okay, we all do weird shit sometimes.”

Todd chose to accept that at face value. He settled back in and pressed a kiss to the top of John’s head. “You truly think that?” He ran his offhand up and down John’s spine and smiled at the small bumps that rose on the human’s skin.

John kissed his shoulder and played a bit of Todd’s skin between his teeth before saying, “Yeah, I do.”

Fascinating, but so human.

“Thank you,” Todd told him and took a deep breath of John’s scent. He smelled like cleanser, leather, and the Stargate.

John yawned again. “Mmhm.”

They laid there together, and it got so quiet that Todd thought he might have fallen back asleep. He even closed his own eyes. But then John’s voice came back, groggy and hoarse, to say, “For what it’s worth, I think you did the right thing.”

“You do?”

“Yeah.” John shrugged lazily. “It’s not what I would have done, but I think it shows real courage.”

“And that is an admirable trait?”

“For some, yeah. But I think it’s about more than that. Three-weeks-ago-Todd wouldn’t have done it.”

“Three-weeks-ago-John wouldn’t have dared get this close to me.” It was supposed to be a tease, but John pressed his fingers into Todd's back and nuzzled his face against Todd’s shoulder.

“Exactly.”

Ah.

“Well.” Todd pulled him closer, pulled the blankets over their heads. “Imagine that.” He kept stroking John’s spine until the human’s breathing went even and he settled his full weight against Todd’s body.

Todd opened his eyes, then closed them again. Then he opened them to make sure this was real, and finally let them close for the last time after he saw a piece of John’s hair scrape against the blanket when he moved his head in his sleep.

Sleep probably wouldn’t come to Todd tonight. There was too much to think about, too many pieces to put into place. He could still feel Two Moons’ hand on his face, her lips on his cheek…and the way it had felt to be near her. Though, that was fading already with every rise of John’s bare chest on his own skin.

But it was more than that; he had just lost someone, hadn’t he? Well and truly lost someone in a way that Wraith who cared for each other seldom did. Maybe there was a part of him that’d always hoped they’d be together again. Just like he sometimes hoped he might live with FirstLight once more or be close to Serenity again. The past was a cruel, haunting thing. Todd’s especially; to have everything and to have it ripped away…

The future was similarly terrifying with its declining human populations and territory wars. Todd knew his only hope was forcing a few powerful hands to bend to his will, which was in itself, terrifying. Who was he to demand such things? Just because FirstLight was beginning to trust him, didn’t mean he’d go for something as ludicrous as what Todd wanted.

In his sleep, John wiggled closer. Todd threaded his fingers through his hair and stroked along the line where it parted a few times.

But the present, the now, that was something faceable. Nothing needed to happen tomorrow, or even in a month. Todd could manage if he took it one day at a time, until he was hopefully able to face the rest of his life again.

John slid one of his legs over Todd’s and used it to tangle their legs together.

And John Sheppard was here to take it with him. Todd smiled to himself as it dawned on him that this was permanent. No matter what happened in the next few years, Todd had won John’s heart. He was on the Wraith’s side.

There was a long, hard road ahead to save his species from its own self-destruction, but that was okay. Because right then, in that moment, all he could sense about the world was John’s breath on his shoulder, and the faint hum of the Hive all around them.

And it was good.

Notes:

And that's a wrap! Seriously, to get this to thirty even chapters there will be a short epilogue from John's perspective, but that is functionally the end of this story!

I don't even know what to say. This was the first fic for this fandom and one of the first fics I'd ever written. My love for SGA has spanned an entire college career - as has this fic - and I don't see myself stopping anytime soon. I guess all I can say is thank you. Thank you for the engagement, but also thank you to all the fandom friends I've made because I was brave enough to put myself out there, because of all the love this fic has received over the years. When I last updated, we were at almost 8,000 reads; now, it's over 9,000. I cannot tell you all how much that means to me.

I love this fic, I love this universe I've created. I don't think I'm done with it just yet, but I can definitively say now that I have finished something I started. it's over. I'm proud of myself.

That's all <3

Chapter 30: Epilogue

Summary:

Epilogue stuff like a new way to have sex, some world-building, and setting them up on Atlantis :)

John - One Month Later

 

The Queen of Bloodstained Earth’s Nursey lit up from far below them. The epicenter of the explosion pulsed with white light, and the shockwave – built from two nuclear explosions – tore over a third of the planet, knocking down everything in its path. They couldn’t see much else from space, but it was easy to imagine the nursey ripping apart, being vaporized, and the forest around it bursting into flames. John, full of warmth, smiled. He turned his attention to the Wraith he had in his arms. Todd watched the nursey die with huge, sparkling eyes. One of his hands, the one not curled around John’s waist, squeezed his hand. John used one arm to pull Todd even closer.

The Wraith watched the aftermath until there was nothing left to see. Then he tore his gaze away and looked down at John with an exhilarated expression.

The human winked, a chuckle on his lips.

Todd brought their foreheads together. One of his hands trailed up John’s body until it came to rest on his cheek. He stroked his thumb over John’s stubble and chirped, trilled.

“Well, that might be the longest mission I’ve ever been on,” John joked, much to Todd’s delight. The Wraith kissed him like they weren’t surrounded by their own friends and family. Like they weren’t near Bonewhite.

The younger Wraith cleared his throat from his position at the helm of his cruiser, but neither Todd nor John paid him any mind.

They couldn’t take the Dedalus to do it, but Woolsey authorized, reauthorized really, the mission to destroy the fucking Wraith baby factory that started this whole thing. He’d sent along two nukes too. The IOA was going to love it, but John didn’t give a damn about them. He only cared, could only think, about how pleased Todd looked right then.

“Happy?” John asked his boyfriend.

Todd nodded. He curled his fingers against John’s cheek and kissed him again. “I only wish I could see her face when she discovers it is lost.”

“Pity,” John mumbled. “That would have fucking rocked.”

“Indeed.” They separated but remained holding hands.

Around them were Rodney, Teyla, and Ronan. There were Mirage, Astra, and their children. Then there was, of course, Bonewhite too. A family was what Todd thought when he looked at them, and John had to agree.

Quiet literally.

John hadn’t really gotten used to the idea of being Lantian yet, but he was making progress every time he and Mirage spent time together. She’d been coming to Atlantis every day for the past two weeks, so that was most days. It was…still weird to be around her, but nice. All the same. In a couple of days they were going to go through another one of his mother’s boxes. That was even weirder, but also even nicer.

Maybe one day he’d even feel completely comfortable.

As for Todd, he was staying on Bonewhite’s cruiser, but that might be changing soon. This mission might be enough to convince Woolsey to let him stay on Atlantis as an ambassador of sorts. After all, he wasn’t much help to Atlantis hold up on a hive and not putting his prolific scientific background to good use.

John didn’t have any idea of what the Wraith would actually, uh, do with that background, but he was sure the Wraith would think of something. Maybe something to do with combining Wraith and Lantian tech, or assisting Keller with the retrovirus, or…

Todd chuckled. He squeezed John’s hand. “Bonewhite, would you set us a course back to Atlantis?”

The Younger Wraith’s expression softened just a little. “Yes Commander, but what about our gift?”

The “gift.” John could laugh just thinking about it.

Todd, expression rock hard, gave Bonewhite a single nod.

Everyone watched as something large flung itself out into space. It would orbit around the planet until the wretched Queen came to visit and found it. Inside was a recording of Todd, Bonewhite beside him, telling her she should have thought twice before daring to trade him. John was sure that wasn’t all the Wraith had said, but the whole thing was in Wraith, and Todd had only said so much.

 With that done, Todd visibly relaxed. He surveyed the room for a moment, his brow-ridge furrowing slightly, before saying, ‘I wish to go to our room,’ in their shared Mindspace. The human flushed, which only made the Wraith laugh.

“E-Excuse us,” John said, too loudly, and pulled Todd away and out of there before anyone could say anything else.

They burst, laughing, into Todd’s room. Todd spun John against a wall and joined their lips in heavy, needy kisses.

“Very happy?” John said between them breathlessly.

“She will be wiped from the map for that.” Todd was just as breathless. “Someone powerful gave it to her to watch over, they will rip her to shreds for losing it.”

“Good. Wish I could see it.”

They kissed for a while and then fucked on the floor next to Todd’s nest. Hot, messy, and desperate.

~

“And you are sure you want to stay on Atlantis?” Astra asked as he passed off an armful of blankets to John.

John’s wish had come true, Todd was moving into a room in one of the uninhabited wings of Atlantis.

“Yes.” Todd pinched the bridge of his nose, but he was smiling. It was the conversation topic of the week. Bonewhite had said the same thing almost as many times.

Astra shrugged, feigning ambivalence. “I’m a wormhole away.”

It was small and at the end of the hallway. It had no window and he’d be under heavy guard, of course, but it was a room nonetheless. More than that, it was a show of trust. Though Woosley made it clear that he was just waiting for an excuse to send Todd away.

“You are a few steps away,” he retorted. “In the same lab.”

“Well, I will not concede anyway.”

Todd curled his lip back, eyes narrowing. He let a low growl escape. Then he laughed and Astra laughed. They pulled each other into an embrace that lasted.

John smiled to himself and idly traced the corner of one of the rougher blankets.

Sure, the Wraith could take the Stargate like Mirage, but everyone had agreed that would just be cumbersome, and inconvenient considering the kind of work Todd would be doing. John was also moving to that remote wing – one of Woolsey’s other conditions. It didn’t really matter. His room was still nice, still had a balcony and all that—though it could have been a closet and John would have agreed. Being in a less populated area would mean that, if he could shoo the guards away, he could get Todd alone without worrying about any other prying eyes.

Thank you, Woolsey.

The work Todd would be doing was on the retrovirus. It was a new one that wouldn’t turn the Wraith human, alter their dietary needs so they could survive on human food, and remove their feeding hand from the equation entirely, in theory anyway. Todd was obviously a little dissatisfied with the concept, and John didn’t doubt he’d think of something a bit less invasive. Astra would be helping too. He had a theory – or at least that’s what he’d told them.

John got the feeling, somehow, that there was more to it than that. He didn’t begrudge the Wraith from keeping it close to his chest though. He’d only just re-met Atlantis.

The thought of it kept rattling around in John’s head though. Astra had been out there for an incomprehensible amount of time. The things he’d have learned…the things he’d have seen… John was itching for more stories of his life. Mirage was full of them of course, but they talked mostly of his mom and the past. Astra might be able to take on the rest.

What would it be like to fly between galaxies? To go to the far corners of the Milky Way and the beyond to Andromeda? When he visited their hive, John would sometimes see strange creatures wandering the halls. They were species no one from Earth had ever met. What had that been like?

And suddenly a question came to John that he couldn’t believe hadn’t before. “How are you here?” he asked Astra,

“I’m sorry?”

“You said you left for Pegasus right after my mom died, and now you’re in it. Last I checked that’s impossible for a Wraith ship.”

Todd made a noise of curiosity. “I have also wondered. Wraith cannot travel to or from Earth to here with any kind of speed.”

Astra grinned. He looked a lot like a peacock in that moment. “Easy, Atlantis was in chaos. Mirage stole a ZPM and the plans to Lantian hyperspace drives before we left. Travel was never a problem.”

Todd stared at him, verbally speechless, but his mind was going crazy with fragments of fragments of thoughts and questions.

“It did take a good while to make it all work together, but-“

“And the radiation?” Todd cut him off in a hushed whisper that carried a mean bite. “How did you protect against that?” John’s stomach flipped and goosebumps flew up across his skin. He anticipated Astra’s answer before he said it; some deep dread born from being prey in this galaxy told him.

“Our Hive has a shield,” Astra said proudly, clueless. “It didn’t at first, but I spent years working on it while we crawled our way across space.”

John felt the words like a punch to the gut. His eyes flew up to Todd and he clamped down on their mental connection with no room to wiggle. He waited, and he felt. 

Todd’s mind exploded into a frenzy of emotion all undercut with the same, hot, primal desire for seven billion bodies. He spun around the idea, Wraith pleasure strong in his mind. Then, as quick as it had come, it left. Todd didn’t block it out, it just faded and left John audibly gasping, his mind hot and confused.

The Wraith reached out and took John’s hand. The contact sparked like electricity. John curled his fingers but didn’t pull away. “You must never tell another Wraith this,” Todd said harshly to Astra.

“I intend to destroy the shield now that we are back. I shouldn’t need it again,” agreed the younger Wraith.

“Good. Good. That kind of technology could start a war or worse.” Todd angled himself toward John. ‘It will be okay.’ His tone was pleading.

John was still clenching his fingers, trying to ward off his nausea and the memory of Todd’s desire. ‘You were hungry,’ he accused.

‘No, not for real.’

John looked into Todd's eyes and into his mind. Todd let him dig around, lift up every rock, and pull aside every curtain until he was satisfied the Wraith was not hiding his hunger somewhere. He relaxed his hand and wound their fingers together. “Okay,” he muttered, “I believe you.”

And he did.

~

Todd made a nest by throwing his mattress on the floor and surrounding it with a barrier of pillows and blankets. He covered the middle with the rest of what he brought, and then he and John got to work breaking it in.

There should have been a feverishness to it, the guards John had struggled to send away were liable to come back at any moment, but there wasn’t. Todd gently laid him down on his back and planted his hands on either side of John’s head. His kisses were kind and free from desperation, but they were deep and a bit sloppy. It was different, but John welcomed it. He felt centered and tethered on Atlantis. Maybe it was that nothing was trying to kill him, and nothing was waiting for him around the corner, but John could stand to keep a little energy pent up and let Todd kiss him like it was their first time.

And fuck like it too

When Todd slid in, he did centimeter by centimeter even though John could have easily stood being impaled. The Wraith kissed along the human’s collarbone and John groaned underneath him, clenching his fingers around Todd’s until they were more melded than laced together. When he was fully seated inside, he used one of his hands to guide John’s head up so their foreheads touched. John could feel every quick, heavy breath the Wraith took. His eyes were blown wide—he almost looked sad.

But his thoughts were like silk and their consistency was water. John passed easily through them, finding nothing but bliss and lust. John kissed his Wraith and started to rock back on his cock, but Todd grunted.

“Not just yet,” he said, and the sudden sound of his vocal cords was a shock and a pleasure. John clenched down and Todd let out the barest growl.

“Well, what then?” said John, breathily.

Todd pulled his body back enough to splay his feeding hand out in front of him, revealing that it was open and glistening with enzyme.

John furrowed his eyebrows. “Thought you weren’t ready to feed.”

“I am not; I would ask for your mouth, as well as the rest of you.”

John swore, half from shock and half from desire. “That’s a-a thing?” he asked and felt very un-sexy against Todd’s rough vocalizations.

The Wraith chuckled. He cocked his head in question and flexed his wrist.

It would be super ultra un-sexy to tell Todd that his hand looked like a human vagina, but it did—and John was well and happily acquainted with that area. He nodded and laid his head back down on the mattress, encouraging Todd with a smile even though his heart was pounding. It was a little like the moment before Todd fed. There might always be a little spike of fear there, even if there was also so much lust.

The Wraith covered John’s mouth with his hand, but did not yet press his palm to his lips. John waited until he could not feel his heartbeat so strongly, then took a deep breath through his nose and placed them there to explore. The area wasn’t as soft as John expected it to be; it was covered in patches of scar tissue that hadn't been visible to his eyes. It was like kissing someone with a thick beard. But it wasn’t unpleasant. The area may have been rough, but it was also slick with earthy enzyme. It made John’s lips tingle, and his cock respond in the usual way.

Above him, Todd made a noise like a whine. John chuckled against the organ. He blew some air onto it and gave the opening an experimental flick with his tongue. the Wraith’s whine sharpened into a growl.

John laughed, indulgent, and traced the rim with his tongue. Todd shivered over his whole body. His lips were clamped tightly together, his eyes were squeezed shut.

‘Look at me,” John told him in their mind space, with as much sex as he could muster.

The Wraith mewled and something blue sprang up on his cheeks. But he opened his eyes and blinked bashfully at John. John held his gaze, urging fire into his own. ‘You’re so damn hot,’

Todd pushed his hand into John’s face and chittered out something in Wraith. His cheeks were stamped blue, and he kept looking away.

‘Watch me,’ John encouraged and pressed his tongue flush against the slit so he could rag it up and down in earnest. The Wraith groaned and rutted into John as if he could go any further. “Shepaaarrrrddd,” he keened. His gaze was fixed now and focused as if it was some kind of challenge to defeat.

Jokes on him, John was trying to win a totally different game. He sent his tongue a little further inside, so he could just feel teeth, and sucked with his lips. The Wraith’s thoughts fell away like scattered sand. He wheezed and dragged himself back so he could fuck back in. It was still tortuously slow, but it didn’t matter. Todd’s off-hand circled around John’s cock, and the enzyme—tasting of sweet earth—tingled all the way down his throat. It spread through him until he was moaning from the barest movement, the lightest touch.

It felt so good, in fact, that he scarcely had to think. Or, it was that thinking too hard made things feel too good; so John set his mind to the task over his lips and let himself be raked toward an orgasm that spiked through his entire body when it finally came.

Then Todd flipped him over, hand still plastered to his face, and drove him into the mattress so hard John forgot where he was.

~

When they were too blissed out to even kiss anymore, John flopped his head on Todd’s sweaty chest and threw one of his arms over the Wraith. Todd pushed the blankets off them and exhaled contentedly.

“Man,” John said breathlessly. “I could get used to that.”

“Good, I do not intend on stopping.”

The human laughed and lightly punched Todd on the shoulder.

The Wraith, in turn, laced their fingers together so he could kiss the top of John’s palm. “And my guards did not hear us?”

“One of the perks of being in charge is I could tell em’ to fuck off. Can’t really do that outside of here, but it’s something.”

“It’s more than something,” Todd mumbled, his voice suddenly distant.

He was talking about Woolsey’s other condition: That Todd wear a glove covering his feeding organ whenever he was out of his room

It wasn’t hard to guess why the Wraith hated it. It made John a bit sick to his stomach to think about it for too long. Even worse was that he couldn’t do anything about it. He understood, and a part of him even agreed with Woolsey’s order. Todd was Wraith, after all. The rest of Atlantis was going to have a hard time getting used to him roaming around, even with guards on his heels.

But John didn’t say all of that. Instead, he uncurled their fingers and turned Todd’s palm over. His feeding organ was pretty blatantly open, and glistening with a combination of enzyme and saliva. With a flush, John thought back to tonguing it, enzyme sweet on his lips.

Shaking his head, John brought the hand to his face. “Hey,” he nudged Todd with an elbow. “Look at me for a sec.”

Todd eyed him curiously, maybe a little lustfully.

John swept his thumb over Todd’s feeding organ, then he bent down and pressed a chaste kiss to its opening. “There,” he said. “Now whenever you put the glove back on, there’ll be a barrier between it and you. I’ll protect you, and nothing will ever hurt you when I’m there to protect you.”

Though his face remained calm, Todd’s chest erupted with purrs and chitters. With his strong arms, he drew John into something of a death grip. “You are very sweet,” he said softly.

“Nah.”

The Wraith laughed. John felt his cock pressing hard against his stomach.

“Yeash, that’s some libido you got there.”

“Ignore it,” Todd said and adjusted himself so he could drape himself over John with his face pressed hard in the crook of the human’s shoulder. He was still purring, louder even, and the vibrations were strong enough to rattle John’s teeth if he let them.

But he was happy to just lay there with Todd, so he brought his arms around his Wraith and listened to him purr and breathe.

 

~

“Will you brush my hair?” Todd said sheepishly with a brush flung out to John like if he didn’t offer it now, he’d never offer it again.

John, who was lounging on one of Todd’s chairs in nothing but his boxers, nearly choked on a sip of water. “A-Are you sure?”

“No. Do it anyway. He threw a pillow down between John’s feet and sat on it with his back to John.

“Todd-“

Todd put the brush on John’s lap. “I cannot do it myself, and I can barely let others touch it. I will never get over that if I do not try.”

“And you have to get over that right now?”

“Yes.  It is not even the worst thing he did to me. If I can have sex, I can get my fucking hair done.” He sounded more like he was saying it to himself than to John. For that reason, John started to get up, causing Todd to full-on snarl at him. “Do not get up. Do not give me an out, I have to face this while I am open to it.

“Okay, okay,” John mumbled, sitting back down and grabbing the brush with more than a little anxiety. “But, for the record, I don’t think this is your one-and-only chance.”

“Maybe not, but I hate the way it is now, and I want it changed. And I want it to be you.”

Fair enough. John gulped and got to work investigating. He’d kind of always thought Wraith hair was just like this. Until he’d seen Todd in his memories and met Astra.

Todd’s hair should be smooth, but it wasn’t. It was coarse to the touch and instead of individual strands, there were clumps and tangles. A closer look at his scalp revealed that a lot of hair had broken off, but was still caught in the clumps.

“It should be smooth,” Todd confirmed. “Wraith hair is thick, but the hairs themselves are fine. It requires a lot of work and attention to keep it nice. Not all Wraith put in that effort, but I always liked to. I simply cannot do it anymore. I cannot handle the sensation, not even when I do it myself. I can hardly let FirstLight do it and he used to do it all the time.” He sighed, then said in a tone so lazy and careless that he had to be deflecting. “Acastus used my hair to hold me down during his attacks. And to yank me around when I struggled or when he was bored. It was a lot longer a few years ago, but it got cut. Not by me.”

“Kolya?”

“No.” He growled. “But it does not matter who now.”

John let him have that. He also let him have that fucked up statement and the frightening way he’d said it.

“Thank you,” Todd vocalized.

John shook his head, He picked at the fine bristles of the brush.

Todd let him have a few more moments before he gently flicked John’s wrist. “This century, if you can.”

With a heavy sigh and an eye-roll, John got to work.

Todd had tried to do his hair recently, John could tell because his ends were a bit smoother than the rest of it. There was also a spot near his ear that felt a little better. Not much though. “Are you sure I’m the right person for this?” He asked. “I don’t even really brush my own hair, and this looks like it’ll hurt-“

“It will hurt no matter who does it. Do it.” Todd growled at himself, not John, as if disappointed in his own reluctance.”

“Ookay.”

As soon as the brush was on Todd’s hair at all, as soon as John had started on a tiny section, Todd was as tense as a boulder. John looked down and saw that his hands were sunk into the fabric of his pants. That he was not moving at all but to shallowly breathe... “Todd-“

“Asadante. John, please. I want this.” He sounded like he was on the verge of tears. “I want this…this intimacy with you.” It felt like a confession.

“Intimacy?”

He nodded and craned his head around to look at John. His face was stiff, but his eyes were bright and hopeful. “Wraith groom each other, it is our oldest surviving tradition. It is a…many things. An offer of brotherhood, an offer of love…and I want it the way I used to have it. So, please, you will not harm me, I swear it.” he picked up John’s other hand and kissed his palm gently. “Do this for me?”

Like he had with the Astra thing, John poked around in Todd's mind for a while. The Wraith let him dig until he was satisfied, this wasn’t going to cause something irreplicable to break.

~

“Answer me this, will you?” John said to cut the tension of the moment as he gingerly put a brush to the middle of Todd’s hair. The Wraith hadn’t moved except to flinch whenever John accidentally caught a tangle too hard.

“More questions? You are insatiable,” he said with a forced humorous lilt.

“Yeah, well you’re the guy to ask so you get the brunt.”

Todd huffed, not unfriendly. “Ask away, John Sheppard.”

“I had this fling, this thing for a day or two a few years back with this ancient named Chaya. She’d been without friends or family for a long time, thousands of years, and she told me that…well, that she felt less alone when I was near. Do you think she knew what I was?” He’d thought he’d be embarrassed to talk about it, but it was easy.

For a second, and if it was possible, Todd went even more stiff, but only for a moment. “I am certain,” he said evenly.

“Really, why?”

The Wraith hummed, a true sound of ease. “Well, it is a little hard to describe. But I will try.” He shifted so one leg was laid out straight and one was pulled to his chest, his chin resting on it. “In my cell, I was completely alone. You could not imagine what it is like to be that alone.” His tone took on a grave edge. “When you entered my cell, even before we talked, I felt your mind as easily as if you’d given it to me. It was…” he shuddered. “Exhilarating. Like a bucket of ice water on-“

“A fire,” John finished, getting it.

“Yes. And whatever this Chaya felt when she saw you must have been extraordinary after so long with nothing but silence. It must have been like being alone.”

John felt something uneasy in his gut. “That…that isn’t why you fell for me, is it?” He put the brush on his lap.

Todd laughed, shook his head. “No, not entirely. Keep brushing.”

“Entirely?” he echoed and sat up straight. He did not keep brushing.

“John,” Todd chided. “It is always a wonderful thing to love someone you can share with, but I have had many human partners with no Lantian genetics at all. While my feelings for you may have started out more intense than normal because you ended the silence, I can promise you that your blood has nothing to do with why they stayed and grew.” He reached back and put the brush back in John’s hand. John acquiesced, though slowly.

“Then why entirely?”

John felt him flush in the mind-space. “Because when I listened to your thoughts, I found someone I wanted to be near. Someone I liked a lot, admittedly.” He sounded almost shy as he said it.

“Ah…” John flushed out of embarrassment. “How much did you um…hear?” His thoughts hadn't been very pleasant, or very nice, especially after finding out Todd was a Wraith.

Todd shrugged. “Just what was on the surface. Your anger, your mistrust, and your annoying sense of hope in the worst places. Being Lantian, you are always projecting your thoughts a bit. I mean, humans do it as well, but with Lantians it is different in a way I do not think I can describe. No matter, when you are around Wraith, you instinctually block. Once you realized what I was, my access faded. I had to push a little. It is a trick I can do to any creature, given I have enough energy.”

“So you really meant it when you told me you can invade?” He frowned. “I didn’t feel you pushing…” he trailed off, a little worried he was not feeling other Wraith as well.

“I…I can…but I was not invading you; I was reading your surface thoughts with a bit of effort. It is different.”

“How?”

“I was not looking for information you were trying to hide, just looking at the surface. And perhaps you might have felt me if you had not been weak yourself.”

“Ah…”

“You are still disturbed? Why…? Oh,” he chuckled. “Do not fret. It is…not something males can usually do. And with Queens, you are on alert already and it would not matter.”

“But you’re not a Queen…” They’d talked about this before, but John hadn't exactly been thinking straight. He’d been too focused on the fact that they were in love to truly get it.

He flinched. “No, I am not.” His tone was flat, and a little defensive. “I do not know what is wrong with me. It is wrong with FirstLight too, and Astra. All of us, we have the heads of Queens.”

“That doesn’t really sound like something wrong with you. Sounds kind of cool, actually.”

The Wraith made a noise that was sort of like a laugh. “It is more than that. I lack the instincts I should have to be a good male.”

It was John’s turn to laugh. “A good male?”

“Yes,” Todd said like John knew what he was talking about. “Subservient, deferent, a part of the Hive.”

“Sounds archaic,” he said and wrinkled his nose. It sounded like something his father would have said about women, actually. “Sounds like bullshit.”

‘It is…the way of things, I guess. It is… say you had a soldier who would not listen to your orders. The soldier is me, and you dismissing him is a Queen’s feeding upon me to clear out the defect in her Hive.”

“No, it’s got to be different than that. That’s an insane comparison.”

The Wraith shrugged. “Insane or apt alike, I am not good on Hives for long, and I do not want to die. And so, my life is lonely.”

“I think you undersold how much you and your dad don’t get along, dude.” If he wouldn’t even go to him to end that kind of loneliness…

Todd laughed but it wasn’t entirely honest.

~

“Did you ever do it to Kolya?” The question just flew out in the middle of a long stretch of comfortable silence. “Force your way in and make him do shit, I mean.”

Todd curled his lip back, but he nodded. “I was not often fed; I did not often have energy. I did it once, right after feeding. Only once because I…” he shifted on his pillow. “I did not want him to know that I could do such a thing. I did not want him to…truly understand my worth.” Todd stretched his legs out. “He knew who I was by the end of it. I even told him of my past willingly, but my…talents are secrets, always have been. It was how I was raised. I have only ever shown a few what I could do, and only when I had nothing to lose and everything to gain. Besides, it is not undetectable. He would have realized what I’d done, and I did not want another way to provoke his rage.”

“And that one time?” John asked softly.

“Borne out of desperation. Executed near the end of my imprisonment. The very end, actually.” John waited patiently, lightly brushing, until Todd started talking again. “It was to stop him from ordering me to finish you off that last time I fed in the bunker.”

John exhaled. His heart lurched and his stomach clenched in on itself. He had been a thought away from death. “W-Why? I mean, I get why, but why then, why that? Why not something more?”

“Because it was light. Because it was not a decision that needed to hold for very long. I could have forced him to shoot himself, yes. But then the rest of the men would have killed us. I could have ordered him to let me go the day I was captured, but I could not hold the rest of the men for long enough – not beaten and starving as I was. I could have tricked him into giving me more food, but as soon as my attention faltered, he would have known he did something against his will and judgment. Then, there would have been pain. He did not want to kill you in that moment. It was easy to convince him that the decision not to was entirely his.”

John tried to swallow away the dryness in his throat. “Did you ever read his thoughts?”

Todd shook his head. “I knew his thoughts, they were on his face. And I did not want to know more. What was said was bad enough. What he did was worse. He hid little, he…” Todd took a deep breath that rattled in his chest. “Primary, I cannot say it.” Then, like he was only talking to himself, he mumbled, “Maybe I will never be able to.”

John tried to say something, but Todd cut him off. “Acastus was more than…he was more than…” he growled low and angry, “he was more than just a monster to me. I want to explain what that means but I…I cannot.”

“You don’t have to,” John assured. Of course he wanted to know. He wanted to know so badly that he had to hold himself back from taking the tendrils of Todd’s thoughts and pulling them closer.

“But you deserve to know it, to know me.”

John shook his head. “Then say you’ll tell me later and let yourself breathe. Christ, you need it.”

The Wraith chuckled dejectedly "It sounds simple when you say it." He didn't see the other part out loud; that everyone else had demanded to know. Even if it was ultimately to know how to care for him better, it did not help him feel good about it. "But perhaps I can try to work with it. I would be a fool not to take the out, at least."

"You sure would," John laughed awkwardly and gently brushed his fingers along the ends of Todd's hair. He couldn't stop himself from wondering what Todd meant, but he could try not to project those thoughts.

"You are not succeeding," said the Wraith with a tinge of amusement.

His stomach dropped, "I-"

Todd caught one of his hands and held it tight. "It is fine. It is enough for you to try."

There was peace in not having to be perfect. John would be a fool not to take the out.

 

~

The stars shone brightly down on John’s new little balcony where Todd and he sat drinking beer and enjoying the silence together. It was the same view he’d had every night for four years, but it never ceased to captivate him. Inky black, blacker than anywhere you could probably find on Earth, painted with more stars than he’d ever seen back there either. A sky of diamonds, or siliver, or something more precious. A hot spike of longing shot through John’s stomach. All that expanse marked places he could fly to, skies he could cut through, carve up, and make his. It was the best damn view Atlantis had to offer, John thought as he popped the top off another beer. The fizz came up a spilled over his fingers, but he didn’t mind.

Todd was similarly transfixed. John thought back to Kolya’s planet, back to how happy Todd had been to just see the sky again. It was his aircraft, his Atlantis, his…home.

Todd looked over without turning his head. He tongued at the lip of his bottle, never truly drinking, and splayed his feeding hand out to cover one of John’s with a heavy palm. “You are worried again.”

Pink colored John’s cheeks. “You’ll be happy on Atlantis?”

“I will be happy with you. I will be happy working with the New Lantians.”

“But will you be happy here?”

Todd shrugged. He put his beer down and let his head fall back all the way over his chair. His freshly brushed hair, at its longest point, was only a few inches from the ground. “I can deal with the soldiers and Mr. Woolsey. They are not the most oppressive forces I have lived under.”

John, his beer suddenly tasting more like sand, put his own bottle down and twisted his torso so he could watch Todd’s face. “Well, I’m happy you’re staying, if that means anything.”

Todd laughed, rich and bright. “It means everything, Sheppard.”

They fell back into easy silence, the kind that could last forever and you wouldn’t even notice. John didn’t go back to watching the sky just yet though. He let himself linger on Todd face, free of tension, free of fear. He let himself indulge in the idea of having love by his side. Love with a Wraith who wasn’t very Wraith, but also so plainly was. A Wraith with thousands of years of past, who somehow loved John most.

John traced the rim of his beer bottle with his pointer finger and allowed himself, for longer than a moment, to think about the future.

Lantians, Wraith, fathers, ex-girlfriends, and tormentors alike – they had nothing on tomorrow.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Notes:

THE END

The end! The end!!!!!!

Thanks for reading and for all the wonderful support, ya'll are amazing, this fandom is amazing.
Most importantly though; THE END!!!!!!