Chapter Text
Jungkook can’t stop smiling. Each time they set up for a take, he has to remind himself to tone down his expression a bit. Boy with Luv, the song they’re currently taping for what feels like the tenth music show this week alone, is, admittingly, a happy song, but the performance really calls for more of a soft, flirty feel.
The kind of happy Jungkook is feeling is more of a manic, let-me-sing-from-the-rooftops, tap-dance-in-the-rain, kind of feeling. He has been feeling this way for weeks now, and he often has to restrain himself from throwing his arms around the nearest person and letting the happiness burst out in sound and affection.
Currently he’s pointing his happy energy in laser-like bursts at the Armys in the crowd, which is the perfect outlet. In between takes, he flirts and teases. He gets the energy back ten fold with their laughter and cheers.
“Jungkook-ah!” Seokjin’s voice bursts out from behind him. “Stop hogging Army’s attention! They’re here to see all of us, you know!”
Junkook exaggerates his shocked face for the audience’s benefit and wheels around to face his hyung. “Hyung! I am not! I can’t help it if they like me best.”
“Yah!” It’s Hoseok this time. “That’s not true is it? Army, you love all of us equally, don’t you?” Hoseok makes an exaggerated heart at the several hundred Armys crowded together for the taping.
He is rewarded with a massive wave of cheers. Jungkook scrunches his nose at all the hands covering blushing faces he sees in the crowd as the loudest of his hyungs turns the full force of his energy and affections on them.
Jungkook watches with a grin as his hyungs continue to crank up the antics. Filming for music shows can be a grind, for both them and the Armys who have to wait in line for hours before going through multiple sets and takes. They always do their best to make it an engaging and fun experience for everyone who comes out to support them.
It is undoubtedly one of their busiest comebacks ever. They are constantly on the way to a taping, rehearsing, waiting for set ups, doing several takes, and then packing it up, only to do it all again the next day. On top of all of that, they are in the dance studio, rehearsing for the tour, ironing out wrinkles and reminding themselves of old choreography. When they’re not on group schedules, they’re all working on music for the next album.
And yet, in the midst of the organized chaos, Jungkook has never felt more free. Because in all of those activities there is Jimin. Jimin, Jimin, Jimin. Ever since Jungkook confessed in New York, he has experienced a whirlwind of emotions every single day. And the most amazing thing is that they are all emotions he never thought he would get to experience, not with Jimin.
He’ll look over at him during practise, or when they’re getting their makeup done, and he’ll get a special smile he’s never seen before. He’ll walk close to his side, and their shoulders will brush, and he’ll feel something like the spark you get with socked feet and hardwood floors. It’s a spark that gives every single little thing, even the most mundane task that he’s done a thousand times before, a sheen, like it’s all the first time, all over again.
Because, in a way, it is the first time. Because Jimin knows how he feels and, even if he doesn’t return his feelings to the same degree yet, he still kissed Jungkook back in New York, and he keeps letting him kiss him.
In between the crazed schedules are little moments of peace: Their hands just barely touching in the back seat of a car as they’re being driven home from a taping, a stolen kiss in the hallway of their dorm, Jungkook pressing Jimin a little tighter when he’s giving him the usual neck message on set, letting their bodies rest together a half second longer than usual.
The hours are truly insane during their comeback promotions, and, as a result, they can do little else when they return home but shower and make it to their beds before they pass out. For that reason, Jungkook and Jimin haven’t actually gotten much time alone since that night in New York, and what time they have gotten has been late at night when one would crawl into the other’s bed.
The first time Jimin had slipped into Jungkook’s bed at the dorm, they had shared some kisses, but soon Jungkook pulled away, feeling his hyung’s breathing start to slow. Jimin was practically falling asleep while kissing and Jungkook didn’t blame him, he could barely keep himself from drifting off too.
So, instead, he had manhandled Jimin (easily done in his sleepy state) so that he was cradling him with Jimin’s back to his chest, and they fell asleep within seconds. Since that night, they hadn’t even kept up the pretence of trying to fool around. Instead, they simply crawled into the other’s bed, wrapped their limbs around each other, and let the sound of soft breathing and the smell of freshly washed skin usher them into a peaceful sleep.
They have to be careful too. One thing they had agreed on was to not tell the other members until they had a chance to talk more in depth. Jungkook is a little bit nervous that that might mean that Jimin regrets what happened, but every time they get a moment to themselves, he is met with Jimin’s smile, loads of physical affection, and even some subtle groping, which both makes him blush and look forward to when their schedule calms down and they can have at least one evening when they aren’t both dead tired.
So they both take their time, keeping their focus on their work and sharing furtive glances and small touches. Jungkook is getting the hang of flirting over text. Although with Jimin, it doesn’t take much, flirting is just second nature. The times that they can’t manage to meet up at night, he always wakes up to a selfie from Jimin. It’s either one he took just before he went to bed or when he woke up, each one looking soft and sweet, and often making a funny face into the camera. Jungkook stares at each one before saving it to his camera roll and then sending one back.
The latest selfie he had received from Jimin, however, the one that actually made him a little late to schedule this morning, had not been sweet and soft.
When Jungkook had woken up that morning he had barely wiped the sleep out of his eyes before he reached over for his phone, excited to wake up to another silly picture. The picture had clearly been taken earlier that morning. Jimin’s face was slightly puffy from sleep. The angle was from up high, Jimin's head was resting on his pillow and he was looking straight up into the camera, his eyes laser focused and his lips slightly parted, the rosy pink of his hair highlighting the same colour on his cheeks. The phone was angled to also show his bare chest and stomach, his unoccupied hand resting near his hip where his well-defined v line disappeared into his pajama pants.
The look Jimin was giving the camera was sultry. He looked … well, he looked like he just got done doing something he shouldn’t have. Jungkook's eyes darted down to the message accompanying the photo.
Jimin-hyung
Had a really good dream last night. Woke up thinking about you.
Jungkook took a closer look at the picture, noticed again how pink Jimin’s cheeks were, and how flushed his chest was, how low his pajamas were hanging on his hips.
Jungkook
How much did you think about me?
Jungkook realised he’d been staring at the picture for about five minutes when Jimin’s response came through.
Jimin-hyung
Enough for me to start the day off with some rigorous activity.
Oh god, that was so hot. Jimin had gotten off thinking about him. Jungkook was not surprised to feel himself getting hard at the thought. He glanced at the time. Ok, he could probably spare ten minutes. He quickly slid his hand under his briefs and he kept Jimin’s selfie open on his phone.
He soon sent a picture himself, no message, looking equally as flush and breathless. He barely had time to shower and make it down to the car in time for his pick up. He was the last down, so he got driven alone. When he arrived at their first appointment of the day and sat hastily down for hair and makeup, his stylist tsked slightly at the lost time she now had to make up for, and Jungkook felt a little bad. But then he met Jimin’s eyes in the mirror and got the chance to see him blush, something that is hard to do, given his shamelessness. Totally worth it, he thought, as both their faces broke out into shy smiles.
So if Jungkook is extra happy and hyper on set that evening, he has good reason. He loves his band, he loves his music, and getting to perform. He loves their fans, loves hearing their lilting voices sing along and cheer for them. And he loves Jimin, unequivocally.
The return of his affections the past few weeks has been like a drug to him. He can’t imagine life without it. The thought, intrusive and sudden, sobers him a bit. It’s true that they’ve been attentive and happy with each other so far, but they haven’t yet had any conversation about what the long term looks like. Jungkook is trying to be patient, but he is starting to feel the need to have surer footing beneath him.
Jungkook shakes himself. He has to be patient, and right now, they have to focus on work. They’ll have more time soon. He puts his worries away and focuses on what is in front of him. They’re setting up for Dionysus, one of the most rigorous choreos they’ve ever done.
They run through the performance once, twice, three times. The cheers and fanchants keep him energized as he sets his mind to the sharp lines and complex moves this song requires. Performing in front of a live audience is always thrilling and somehow allows them to reach reserves of energy they never could otherwise, but he can tell that everyone is flagging as they set up for the fourth run through.
They normally wouldn’t need so many, but this particular set piece has a complicated intro and outro, and the director needs one more take to line up the views right. Jungkook puffs out a breath and makes eye contact with Yoongi, who is subtly rubbing his shoulder. Yoongi grimaces at him but then throws him a thumb’s up. They’ll push through, like they always do.
Jungkook can feel himself taking a few short cuts though, his exhausted limbs trembling a bit with the effort. He doesn’t know exactly how it happens, but when they fall forward during Namjoon and Seokjin’s back and forth, his arms give way a bit and his chin connects with the floor. He feels a flash of pain and he bites his tongue a little, tasting the distinct copper of blood.
He is a bit dazed as he jumps up and into the next piece, but he pushes to keep going. He really doesn’t want them all to have to do another take. He manages to keep his vocals up and finishes strongly.
He doesn’t want to give anything away, so he smiles and waves at Army, resisting the urge to rub at his chin until they are safely backstage. He hangs back a bit from the others and makes eye contact with Manager Sejin, who looks like he caught what happened.
As they walk side by side back to the dressing room, Sejin takes his jaw tentatively in his hand and makes Jungkook pause, lifting his chin slightly. “I saw that. Looked like it hurt.”
Jungkook grimaces. “A little, not too bad.”
“Alright, come on, let’s have it looked at, just in case. You did good.” Sejin smiles softly, and Jungkook gives him one back.
As they walk into the dressing room, he sees that Jimin has noticed he’s lagging. He throws Jungkook a curious glance and mouths, “You ok?”
Jungkook gives him a quick nod but then heads over to their medical staff, always available, especially during performances. Hoseok notices and skips over. “Hey Jungkook-ah. What’s going on?”
“Oh, it’s ok hyung.” He half addresses him and the medic. “Just banged my chin off the floor a bit.” The medic snaps to attention, getting Jungkook to sit so he can examine his chin and the inside of his mouth, just in case. He touches and prods a bit, getting Jungkook to tell him how much it hurts.
When Jungkook tilts his head back down he can see Jimin and Taehyung have made their way over, both partially out of their stage outfits. He can see his three other hyungs hanging back across the room, but all keeping an eye over where they are.
They are quiet as the med staff completes his assessment. He pats Jungkook on the shoulder and says, “Looks ok, might just be a little bruised and sore for a few days.” Jungkook nods and smiles before making eye contact with Hoseok and Taehyung. “Don’t worry hyungs, barely felt it.”
Hoseok tsks and rubs his hair before walking away to get changed, and Taehyung glances over to Jimin before giving Jungkook a nudge to his shoulder. “Try to take it easy Jungkook-ah, we can’t have you banging off of every surface just because you think you’re invincible.” It is said with a smile and Jungkook takes it for the light admonishment it is.
“Sure, hyung.” Finally, he turns his eyes to Jimin, not trusting himself to do it earlier with the others watching so closely. Jimin has concern etched across his features but he saunters up casually. He sniffs and then says, “Show off.”
Jungkook is shocked into a laugh, scrunching his nose and forgetting all about the dull throb of his chin. “Huh?”
Jimin sits beside him and throws his arm around his neck. “Showing off for Army just how thick that skull of yours is.”
Jungkook laughs again and he leans into Jimin’s side a little bit longer than he normally would, sharing a warm glance with him.
Jimin stands up, offering his hand. “Come on Jungkook-ah. Let’s get changed.” And then, a little quieter, “We finally have enough time for a full night’s sleep. Let’s not waste it.”
Jungkook reads between the lines and he lets Jimin pull him to his feet. “No, let’s not do that.”
---------------------------------
Later that night, after he has washed up back at the dorm, Jungkook knocks on Jimin’s door, feeling a little nervous. It’s quiet throughout the two story apartment. Most of the guys have their own places scattered throughout the city that double as real estate investments and havens of privacy when needed.
During comeback the dorm is their home base for reasons of convenience and camaraderie, but given the lighter schedule they have tomorrow, several of the guys are taking advantage of some much needed quiet time at their various apartments. Jungkook and Jimin have elected to stay in the dorm tonight along with Seokjin and Yoongi, who both claimed to want to go straight to bed and sleep for a good twelve hours.
He hears a bit of rustling inside, then Jimin’s voice makes its way through the door, “Come in!”
Jungkook opens the door and finds Jimin sitting on the bed, knees up to his chest as he carefully places a bandaid on one of his toes. He’s wearing soft silk bottoms and a tank top, his hair damp from the shower, looking more purple than pink when wet.
Jungkook carefully closes and locks the door behind him. When he turns around, Jimin is still engrossed in his task.
Jungkook takes a seat in the chair Jimin has kitty corner to the bed and runs a hand through his hair. “Can I help, hyung?” he says, just as Jimin seems to finish.
Jimin smiles as he looks up and shakes his head. “Nope! All done. Just a blister.”
“I told you, you don’t have to wear those chelsea boots for every single performance.”
“Yah, I do not!” Jimin smirks good naturedly as he slides his bare feet down to the floor. “Besides, I look hot in them.”
Jungkook blushes slightly. He feels the spark of possibility in the air like a live wire.
He knows they need to talk too. Soon, their korean comeback schedule will be over, there will be the final preparations for the tour, and then they’ll be flying around the world, performing in stadiums for hundreds of thousands of people. Jungkook feels like they should lay down some ground rules before their lives get even more chaotic. But the idea of bringing up something so formal makes sweat break out on the back of his neck.
He focuses back on the present, remembers that Jimin is flirting with him and, while he wants to talk, he also has been desperate to be alone with him again. He grins at his hyung.
“I won’t lie, you do look hot in them. But let’s admit the real reason for the boots.”
Jimin scrunches his nose in confusion. Jungkook holds out his hand in a flat line and then slowly starts raising it.
Jimin makes an outraged face and lunges forward, grabbing Jungkook’s hand. “Yaaaah you brat! I do not wear them for that!”
Jungkook laughs, grabs Jimin’s hand right back and pulls him forward until he is forced across the space between them. He guides him until he’s sitting in his lap, legs sideways across his.
Jimin’s face is suddenly very close to his own.
“Hey,” Jungkook says, quietly.
“Hey,” Jimin says and then leans forward for a kiss, like it’s the easiest thing in the world.
Jungkook relaxes into it, contentment spreading through his limbs, the tiredness of the day washing away as the warmth spreads. The kiss is gentle and sweet, the two boys quietly sharing breath.
Jimin reaches a hand up to cup at Jungkook’s chin and he feels a dull throb of pain. He winces and pulls back. Jimin’s eyes immediately go wide and he pulls his hand away. “Oh! Sorry Kookie! I forgot about your chin!”
Jungkook quickly rubs at it himself, which just causes the pain to flare a little more. Jimin tsks at him, seeing him wince as he rubs at it.
“Sorry, hyung, I can’t stop touching it, which is stupid.”
“Don’t be silly, I do it all the time, you can’t help it at first. Here, come sit on the bed, let me just take a look at it.”
Jimin shifts off of Jungkook’s lap and pulls Jungkook over to the bed, forcing him to sit and look up at the ceiling so he can take a look at the underside of his chin.
This is silly, Jungkook thinks, the medical team already cleared him. But then Jimin’s hands are on his face and neck, tilting his face up. Jimin’s face is so close that he decides not to say anything. Jungkook keeps his eyes angled down so he can look at Jimin’s soft eyelashes and the tops of his full cheeks as he inspects his chin.
Jimin tsks again. “Well, looks ok, just a little red. We really have to change that choreo for the tour.”
Jungkook tries to nod even though Jimin still has a firm grip on his face. “Yeah, Sundeuk-nim actually called me, he’s already choreographed a couple of different options.”
Jimin nods. “Good! I’m glad, that was way too hard to do consistently well anyways. But you do tend to go at things a little too enthusiastically, Jungkook-ah.”
Jungkook can’t help feeling amused, seeing as he’s getting a lecture from his hyung, while said hyung is in his pajamas, and keeping a firm grip on his face and neck.
Jungkook laughs, and says, “If I agree with you, will you let go of my face?”
Jimin looks surprised for a moment, then laughs too, eyes shifting into little half moons. He lets go of Jungkook’s face and throws his head back in laughter.
Jimin stops laughing suddenly and raises a hand to his shoulder, rubbing it a bit. It’s Jungkook’s turn to scold.
“No time for your massage hyung? I thought you were going to make sure to get one tonight?”
“Aigoo, I completely forgot until just now.”
Jungkook scoots back on the bed and pats the spot he has made in front of him. “Here, hyung. Let me work my magic.”
Jimin smiles and quickly acquises, sitting down on the mattress facing away from Jungkook. Jungkook grips Jimin’s torso with one arm, steadying him, and then starts to work on what he knows are his trouble areas with the other. He carefully digs his hand into Jimin’s shoulder and neck, not wanting to hurt him, but knowing that a little pain now will mean less pain later.
Jimin groans a little as Jungkook works on his shoulder, allowing Jungkook to angle him how he needs. At first Jungkook is very focused on working out Jimin’s knots, but once he feels the muscles start to cooperate and Jimin’s back and shoulder start to relax, he gives a little more attention to other areas. He starts to lightly message down to his lower back, being more gentle now that he isn’t rubbing so much for rehabilitation as he is for relaxation.
Jimin lets out another quiet moan and Jungkook takes that as encouragement. He slides his hands up and down Jimin’s back, letting himself take his time as he explores every muscle, every dip and angle. He slows his movements, making them less utilitarian and more intimate.
Jimin’s head falls forward and he lets another low sound escape his throat. It sends a little shiver down Jungkook’s spine. He drags his hands back up to Jimn’s neck and softly kneads at the base, letting his fingers extend to the sides of his throat, feeling the just-showered soft skin on his fingertips.
Jimin reaches up and grabs Jungkook’s hands, pulling his arms forward so that he is hugging Jimin from behind. Jimin keeps Jungkook’s arms against his chest with his own and he leans back into Jungkook, letting his head fall back to rest perfectly where Jungkok’s neck meets his collarbone.
Jimin looks up at Jungkook through his eyelashes, and he says, “Why are you so nice to me?”
Jungkook answers immediately. “Because you deserve it. Because I like you so much.”
Jimin lets his mouth fall open slightly, breath deepening, and eyes blinking rapidly. Oh, Jungkook thinks. Oh. And then he’s leaning down the scant centimetres it takes to place his mouth on Jimin’s.
Jimin responds eagerly and they kiss, softly at first, and then with growing exploration. The angle is a little awkward but Jungkook doesn't let that deter him. He delves his tongue into Jimin’s mouth, tasting his mint toothpaste and the sweetness of his breath. How does he manage to always taste so good?
Soon, kissing isn’t enough, and Jungkook starts to rub his hands along Jimin’s front, at first in small circles underneath Jimin’s own hands. Jimin lets his arms fall to his sides, allowing Jungkook free rein.
Jungkook takes the hint and allows himself to touch however he wants. He keeps one hand firm on Jimin’s lower belly and drags the other one up his chest. Once he reaches the top of his tank top, he dips his hand under the shirt, slowly reaching lower until he feels his fingers rub against one of Jimin’s nipples.
Jimin gasps into his mouth and Jungkook feels his own cock twitch in interest.
Jungkook continues to softly run his hand over Jimin’s nipple, just a gentle teasing as it hardens into a peak. Soon Jimin is hardly kissing back, doing little more than gasping into Jungkook’s mouth.
Jungkook decides to take a different tack and breaks the kiss, using the angle to instead focus on kissing and nipping at Jimin’s neck and shoulder. Jimin lets his head fall back fully onto Jungkook’s shoulder, basking in his ministrations. Jungkook keeps his hand firm on Jimin’s stomach, pressing his body back into his own, where Jimin can no doubt feel Jungkook’s hardening cock.
Jimin keeps his hands at his sides, his body pliant, and Jungkook feels a thrill at the knowledge that he is letting him do whatever he wants. What he wants, he realizes, is to watch Jimin fall apart. He keeps teasing at Jimin’s nipple, being a little rougher now that he is clearly turned on, skin flushed, chest raising and falling rapidly. He even allows himself to gently bite where Jimin’s neck meets his shoulder, before quickly laving over the small marks he made with his tongue.
Jimin lets out a moan, voice almost sounding tired with how low and textured it is, but his body is still relaxed, leaning all of his weight on Jungkook.
“Hyung, want to … want to make you feel good.” Jimin just hums in response, keeping his eyes closed as Jungkook pauses to kiss a wet trail up his neck.
“Want to make you come. Can I make you come?” Jimin’s eyes snap open and he looks up at Jungkook. He finally lifts one arm to wind it in Jungkook’s hair.
“Yes, baby, do what you want.”
Jungkook lets out a shaky breathe, then lowers his head to give Jimin another thorough kiss. Soon he pulls away to look down at his hyung’s body, leaning against his and open for the taking. Jungkook uses his anchoring hand to pull up Jimin’s top, rucking it up so that it bunches under his armpits. He’s too impatient to take it off, unwilling to pull away even for a second.
He can see an erection tenting the blue silk of Jimin’s pants and he decides to waste no time. He slides one hand down his chest, palming at his hardened nipples as he goes, before quickly sweeping over his lower stomach muscles and sliding it underneath the silk of his pajama bottoms.
He’s not surprised but still thrilled to discover that Jimin isn’t wearing any underwear underneath the soft pants. He slowly runs his hand through the soft tufts of hair above his cock before decisively moving further down and lightly running his hand over Jimin’s hardening length. Jimin lets out a gasp, still not doing much with his hands, just keeping the one fisted in Jungkook’s hair, the other immersing itself in the pool of sheets by his side.
Jungkook resumes kissing and licking Jimin's neck, at the same time using his hands to rub his chest and slowly guide Jimin’s cock to full hardness. The silk of Jimin’s pants and the soft velvet of his cock is leading Jungkook into an almost dreamy state, and he hums a little into the crook of Jimin’s neck.
He could do this forever. Just feel his hyung’s body, enjoy the textures and temperatures. Jimin, however, lets out a needy whine and Jungkook realizes that what he’s doing with both hands could easily be labelled teasing. He decides to have a little mercy and firmly grips Jimin’s cock. He starts moving his hand up and down his shaft, changing up the pressure and speed as he listens to Jimin’s sounds, which are so close to his ear that he feels like he might come himself from just listening. His own cock is half hard, pressed up tight against Jimin’s back. He keeps himself still though, focusing on Jimin.
He can’t see what he’s doing, everything still underneath Jimin’s pajama bottoms, but this angle is actually much easier for him to perform from, almost like he’s handling himself. He employs a few tricks that he’s used on himself, his thumb sliding neatly into Jimin’s wet slit at the top, allowing his hands to broaden and take in Jimin’s balls for a quick massage every handful of strokes. Soon Jimin is panting and arching his back, using the levredge of Jungkook’s body to press his hips upward and chase the gentle warmth of Jungkook’s fist.
Jungkook picks up the pace of his hand while also suddenly remembering to give renewed attention to Jimin’s nipples. He pinches one and then the other, eliciting a more frantic sound from Jimin’s mouth, before he spreads his large hand wide and finds he can reach them both at the same time with with his thumb and middle finger.
Jimin is arching his back further, his eyes tightly squeezed shut as he lets out a continuous string of low pitched “ah, ah, ahs.”
Jungkook feels Jimin’s body tense up and he keeps up the pace of his hand. Soon, Jimin lets out a long raspy moan and Jungkook uses his hand on his chest to keep him anchored to his body while he feels Jimin’s cock pulse, quickly followed by the tell tale sign of hot wetness spilling over his knuckles. He looks down and sees that the blue of the silk is growing darker where he knows Jimin’s head is twitching out the last of his orgasm.
Jungkook stills his movements and presses his cheek firmly against Jimin’s, hugging his body tight to his own, pulling down his top and then rubbing his clothed stomach, hoping to be reassuring as Jimin comes down from the high of his orgasm.
Jimin sighs prettily, cheeks pink and chest flushed, and turns his head to nuzzle his nose and lips against Jungkook’s neck. “Hmmmm, you’re so good Jungkookie, so sweet.” A warm glow spreads through his chest at those words but he also can’t help but also let out a quiet snort.
“You’re calling that sweet?”
Jimin lifts his head a bit, still looking a bit dazed but gaze slowly sharpening as he keeps his eyes firmly on Jungkook’s face. Jungkook suddenly regrets his teasing, feeling stuck underneath Jimin’s intense look.
“Yes, that’s exactly what you are. You are a beautiful, sweet boy. Look at your big eyes.” Jimin shifts slightly in Jungkook’s grasp so he can wrap both of his arms around his neck.
Jungkook feels trapped, but also thrilled by the attention, so he just swallows hard, unsure how to respond to the compliment.
Jimin plants a small kiss on his nose. “And this nose. I love this nose. It’s so … you.” He gently kisses a spot high up on his left cheek next. “And your scar, I love it too.”
Jungkook can feel himself start to blush, not used to receiving so much focused attention.
Jimin blinks slowly a few times and then says. “Do you know how beautiful you are, Kookie?”
Jungkook waits a few seconds and then realizes that Jimin is actually waiting for an answer. He clears his throat and then can’t do more than shake his head slowly.
“Well you are, you are beautiful and sweet. And yes, that was the sweetest handjob that anyone has ever received.” Jimin giggles at that last bit and Jungkook just stares unbelieving at the playful nymph he has in his arms.
He manages to tease a little back, “How was that sweet, hyung?”
Jimin tilts his head. “Why don’t I show you what I mean?”
Jimin gets that look then that he gets right before he does something a little bad. Jungkook recognizes it from countless Run tapings and many drunken nights over the years. It’s often followed by some light cheating, or a round of shots.
And then Jimin is pulling away, sliding down off the bed and turning until he’s on his knees on the floor at the edge of the mattress. Before Jungkook can fully register what is happening, Jimin has pulled him forward easily (sometimes Jungkook forgets how strong Jimin is) until his legs are hanging over the edge, feet on the floor.
He suddenly realises that Jimin is kneeling between his legs with his "I’m about to do something bad" face and his brain promptly short circuits, supplying nothing but an “uhhhhhh?” to pass his lips.
Jimin licks his lips (more short circuiting is happening deep in Jungkook's brain) and says, voice low and teasing, “Let hyung show you the opposite of sweet.”
Jungkook can’t say anything in response as Jimin leans forward, nuzzling his face against the crotch of his sweats, and Jungkook has to close his eyes in shock as he feels Jimin’s hot breath ghosting along his semi-hard cock through the thin fabric. One of Jimin’s hands grips tightly on his thigh and the other dives down to rub at his balls and shaft through the fabric.
Jungkook is rock hard in a matter of seconds. He would feel embarrassed if he could process anything beyond the need for him to keep breathing in and out, in order to survive long enough to let Jimin demonstrate what he wants to.
Jimin smirks a little, but then he’s tapping Jungkook’s side and sliding both his sweats and underwear off in one quick swipe as Jungkook helps by lifting his hips. Jimin takes them completely off his legs, and he is half naked, cock hard and already leaking, resting against his clothed stomach.
Jungkook opens his mouth to say something, he doesn’t know what yet, but Jimin doesn’t give him the chance. He firmly grips Jungkook’s cock with one hand and then lowers his head, taking most of Jungkook’s length into his mouth in one long, wet, hot slide.
Jungkook has to fist his hands into the sheets on either side of himself hard, suddenly feeling the need to pinch himself as he watches, eyes wide and mouth hanging open, as Jimin’s generous lips wrap around him. And then he has to close his eyes briefly, caught up in how good Jimin’s mouth feels. All his brain manages is hot, wet, more.
Jimin doesn’t wait for him to catch up. He’s already building up an intense pace, keeping a light suction going as he bobs his head up and down, sliding his mouth all the way up until Jungkook can feel it just encompassing the tip before he quickly slides back down, not quite deepthroating him, but taking most of him in with each go.
Jungkook suddenly realizes that he’s missing out on the best part: Park Jimin is sucking his cock and he’s not watching every second of it. He snaps his eyes open, watching intently as Jimin’s lips, getting redder by the moment, drag up and down his length.
Jimin looks up and notices Jungkook watching. He takes his right hand and grips it tight at the base of Jungkook’s cock, and when he raises his head this time he lets his tongue flick around and encircle Jungkook’s head. Jungkook lets out the first sound he thinks he’s made this whole time in a fierce hiss.
Jimin keeps eye contact for a few more strokes, and then his eyes are closing again and he picks his pace up, sucking so hard that Jungkook thinks he might be trying to kill him. He feels like a dam is bursting inside him, and he goes from shell-shocked silence to an avalanche of words. “Ahhhh, fuck, hyung, yes, yes, fuck yes, Jimin, hyung, yes.”
Jungkook has had blow jobs before, more than his fair share with his sexual partners, but he has never felt like he’s going to come within a minute before.
Jungkook realizes that that was not just a fleeting thought, he’s really going to come embarrassingly fast. He fights the instinct to wrap his hand in Jimin’s hair and pull him back, and by the time he loses the battle with himself, he realizes he can’t stop it at this point.
Jimin is going to make him come within max two minutes of putting his lips on him and Jungkook just surrenders to the situation. Even if all five of his other hyungs were to walk in at this exact moment, he wouldn't be able to stop what’s about to happen.
The wet sounds of Jimin’s mouth on him get louder as Jimin let’s some of the saliva gathering in his mouth drip down Jungkook’s cock, and it’s the filthy sounds, combined with the incredible tight heat, and the sight of Jimin’s plump lips wrapped around him that has Jungkook suddenly crying out, “Jimin, ah, ah, Jimin, I’m gonna come, ah, yes, yes, yes.”
Jimin doesn’t pull away or let up his pace, his hand now also racing up and down his shaft, following quickly behind his mouth. Jungkook sees white flashes and then he’s arching his back as he feels his orgasm hit him, head thrown back so his face tilts up to the ceiling, cock pulsing his release into Jimin’s mouth.
He quickly snaps his head back down to look, and he can both feel and see the moment that Jimin starts swallowing. His head is still now, but Jungkook’s cock is still deep in his mouth so he can feel his tongue and jaw moving as he swallows his cum.
Jungkook finally reaches forward, winding his hands into Jimin’s hair, not pulling or tugging but just gently cupping his head and wiping his damp bangs out of his eyes. Before Jimin pulls away, he looks up at Jungkook’s face again, eyes slightly watery from the effort, and Jungkook thinks he will never forget this particular mental image.
Then Jimin does the most audacious thing since this began: He pulls off of Jungkook with a slight pop, licks the corner of his mouth, and then he actually looks up at Jungkook with his flushed cheeks and his debauched, red lips, that were just wrapped around his dick, and he actually fucking giggles.
Jungkook can only stare at him, jaw slack, as he says, in a voice clearly slightly abused from, again, Jungkook’s cock, “See? That was not sweet.”
Jungkook lets out an incredulous puff of laughter. He feels a little lightheaded, but he reaches forward to gather his hyung up in his arms and pull him up into bed with him, squeezing him tight and tucking his face into the nape of his neck. Jimin keeps giggling, clearly very pleased with himself
Jungkook pulls away a bit so he can capture Jimin’s mouth, deciding he needs to kiss this silly, incredibly sexy hyung until he can’t giggle anymore. Jimin’s lips are extra soft and puffy from use, and Jungkook loses himself in gently but thoroughly kissing him. He tastes sweet but with a hint of bitterness that he knows come from himself. He can’t get enough of it.
Eventually though, he gently pulls away and finally feels composed enough to say, “Alright hyung, you win. I guess, in comparison with that, my handjob could be called sweet.”
Jimin’s eyes crinkle up in happiness and he pulls Jungkook in again for a quick kiss before settling his head on Jungkook’s chest, listening as his breathing calms.
They stay silent for a little while before Jungkook says, “No, but really, that was the hottest blow job I’ve ever had, which I’m hoping is enough of an ego boost that you’ll promise never to tell anyone how fast I came?” Jungkook deliberately lilts his voice up high at the end, trying to make Jimin laugh.
Jimin obliges with a soft exhale of laughter before he looks up at Jungkook and says, suddenly earnest, “I liked it. I like how quickly you respond to me, to my touch.” He sounds almost shy.
Jungkook follows his lead and allows himself to be a little vulnerable, “Your touch is electrifying -- I’ll never get tired of it.” He pauses, and adds, “but I do hope I build up a bit of resistance, or we’re going to be in trouble.”
Jimin laughs and taps his hand on Jungkook’s chest. Jungkook shifts a little so he can grab his briefs off the floor and slip them back on. As Jungkook settles back on the bed, gathering Jimin into his arms again, Jimin pulls away a bit. “Speaking of embarrassing, I just realized that I technically came in my pants, and I’m not exactly feeling fresh here.”
Jungkook lifts his head up and says, “Second shower? Together?” He knows he sounds a little eager but he can’t help it. He’s been spending down time between shoots daydreaming about all the different dating-type scenarios he can experience with Jimin now, and showering together is one he has to admit he has thought about excitedly once or twice.
Jimin nods and they agree to meet at the bigger bathroom in five minutes. Jungkook leaves first, heading to his room to grab a fresh couple of towels. He takes his time, and once he’s in front of the bathroom door he can hear the shower already going.
He heads inside and locks the door behind him calling out, “Hyung?” just in case. Jimin quickly answers from inside the steamy shower.
Jungkook undresses and slips inside. He feels a few butterflies when he finds Jimin inside, naked of course, and glistening with water droplets under the spray. His hair is slicked back, his features looking bold without the softness of his hair to fill out his face.
Jungkook quickly joins him under the hot water, greeting him with a kiss. They keep the kiss casual, both not quite up to another round, but Jungkook can’t resist reaching down and giving Jimin a quick, wet smack on his ass before pulling away to grin at him.
Jimin looks a little indignant and he says, “You can never resist doing that can you?”
Jungkook shakes his head then gives a little pout and says, “What? I didn’t get to during, you know, and is it really fooling around with Park Jimin if you don’t take advantage of his best feature?”
Jimin puts on a faux shocked face. “Excuse me? I’ll let you know that my best feature is my lips, or my eyes.”
Jungkook stays silent and just raises an eyebrow.
“Fine, yes, I have an amazing ass, everyone knows this.”
Jungkook delights in the sounds of their banter echoing off the tile. It sounds like happiness.
Jimin’s smile falls a little and he wraps his arms around Jungkook, pulling him a little further away from the spray for a moment.
“Jungkookie … you know that I’m not just … fooling around with you, right?”
Jungkook feels a swoop in his stomach. “I know hyung, I know you wouldn’t do that.”
Jimin looks a little nervous as he says, “These past few weeks, with you, have been … amazing.”
“I think so too,” Jungkook practically whispers.
“I know we really haven’t had a chance to talk about things. Maybe we take some time after we’re done in here?” Jungkook nods eagerly.
Jimin reaches up and bops him on the nose. “Good. Now, try to keep your muscles out of my way while I clean up. If you recall, I was a mess at the end of all that, while you were kept neat and tidy by yours truly.” He gives Jungkook a salacious wink. As he turns back to the spray, Jungkook gives him another resounding smack on his butt as payback for that comment.
They manage to keep their hands off each other (well, relatively speaking) for the rest of the shower. They talk and laugh as they are drying off and brushing their teeth. Jungkook manages to shake his wet hair like a dog and make Jimin double over laughing. Jungkook has to shush him a little bit. They’re still not being totally open with the hyungs after all, and while communal showers were common when they only had one bathroom, they’re far from the norm anymore.
In no time at all they’re back in Jimin’s room. For a while they just talk about whatever, Jungkook again perched in Jimin’s chair, Jimin leaning back up against the headboard of his bed, knees drawn up to his chest. Jimin tells a funny story about his idol group chat and a misunderstanding between two of the members. Eventually, talk turns to the tour and which cities they are most excited about.
“I think I’m most excited for LA right now,” Jimin is saying. “Mostly because it’s going to be the first show. I can’t wait for everyone to see the new sets. It’s a little hard for me to see past those dates actually. What about you, Kookie?
Jungkook things for a few moments and then says, “Wembley. London. All of Europe, really. I promised everyone I would be back and doing my best this time and the thought that I can make up for all of that ...” Jungkook finds it hard to express himself, but it’s going to mean the world to him to make it up to all those Armys that he couldn’t show his best last year.
Jimin is looking at him carefully. “I don’t think you have anything to make up for, Kookie, but I get what you mean. It’s going to be amazing, we’ll give them a show they’ll never forget.”
Jungkook nods, thoughts far away, thinking about his new set, how he’ll be flying through all those stadiums all around the world.
Jimin snaps him out of it by flopping his legs down wide on the bed and patting the space between them. “Come sit here, Kookie, let’s talk.”
Jungkook heads over, sitting between Jimin’s legs and leaning his back against his chest. Jimin wraps his arms around Jungkook’s torso, making him feel safe and warm instantly. Jungkook can feel the gentle rise and fall of Jimin’s chest, and when he turns his head so that his ear is pressed against it, he can hear his heartbeat, low but steady.
Jimin intertwines their hands. “So,” Jimin says.
“So,” Jungkook responds. He wants to help, but he sort of feels like the ball is in Jimin’s court. Jungkook was almostly painfully honest about his feelings back in New York and what he wanted. Jimin was the one processing everything over the last few weeks.
“So. I guess I’ll start? Well … I guess, I still can’t quite believe everything that has happened in the last few weeks. I won’t lie to you, it’s been so busy that I truly haven’t even had a ton of time to think much further than the next day. But I meant what I said earlier. Having the little bits of time we’ve been able to in between all the usual chaos, it’s been … so … nice. I just hope that …” Jimin trails off and Jungkook, who has been listening to Jimin’s voice slightly muffled by the sounds of his breathing through his chest, lifts his head up so he can glance up at him. He looks worried.
“You hope that …?” Jungkook prompts, squeezing Jimin’s hands a little to encourage him.
Jungkook squeezes back for a few seconds, then continues. “I hope that you can be patient with me. What you did in New York, what you said … it was so brave, Jungkookie. So much of what you said meant so much -- means so much to me. But …”
Jungkook decides to just say it. Better to start with total honesty. “But you don’t love me the same way I love you.”
Jimin rushes to speak, suddenly tense. “But not because I can’t, or I wouldn’t, Jungkook, you’ve made me feel so much in such a short time --”
Jungkook interrupts him. “No, hyung, it’s ok, really, really it’s ok. I didn’t say that because I’m upset about it. I know that you’re not in the same head space that I am. How could you be? I’ve had feelings for you for a long time, you only started thinking about me that way a few weeks ago. I’m just trying to say that I understand, and that I don’t expect you to be in the same place as me yet.” Jungkook squeezes Jimin’s hands again, small in his grasp.
“Besides, this is all new to me too. I’ve been in relationships before, but none that have lasted more than a few months. And with how well we know each other, it kind of feels like we’re starting in the middle, rather than the beginning. I would love to take things slow, figure out what it means for us to be together.” A thought occurs to Jungkook and he swallows hard. “Unless, sorry, are you saying that maybe you don’t … don’t want to…” He trails off.
“Don’t want to what?” Jimin asks, sounding unsure.
“Um, well, sorry, I just assumed you want to keep trying, even though that’s not what you said and I just keep talking. I’m going to stop talking. You talk. Please.”
Jimin quickly presses a kiss to the top of his head. Jungkook is a little scared to look up at him, worried about seeing rejection in his face. “No, I meant what I said earlier. I’m not just fooling around with you. I’m taking this very seriously. I have been really happy with you. Ever since that night in New York, I feel like every day is full of so many possibilities. But I’m glad to hear that you’re ok with taking it slow. I was also thinking about the fact that we’re kind of starting in the middle. The getting to know you period isn’t something we’re going to experience, and I don’t want to get too deep and potentially mess everything up by moving too fast --”
“Hyung, please don’t worry. I’m willing to go as slowly as you want to. We can just do what we’re doing. Make some time for each other, do the things we want to do together, but we don’t have to put a label on it or call it forever or anything. I can be … casual.”
Jimin huffs at that, and he pulls Jungkook up and prompts him to turn in his arms so that they’re facing each other, chest to chest.
Jimin takes Jungkook’s head in both of his hands and says, a little intensely, “Jeon Jungkook. Please really hear me on this. Nothing about this is casual to me. You deserve so much more than casual. You already mean too much to me, even before all of this, to be even in the vicinity of the word casual. I just mean that I would rather take things steady and slow and keep our relationship strong, than rush in and risk anything. Ok?”
Jungkook nods eagerly, suddenly feeling too emotional for words.
“Good.” Jimin takes his hands away from his face. “But we should probably talk about how we want to handle things. We’re going on tour, and there’s going to be staff around us constantly, not to mention Tae and the hyungs.”
Jungkook sinks down again so he’s resting against Jimin’s chest, glad to be able to tackle some less emotionally risky subjects. “Right, ok, well. Why don’t we just think about it like this.” He smiles. “Let’s make a list of the things we want to be able to do, and then talk through who might need to know about us to make sure we can do them.”
Jimin claps his hands together briefly the way he does when he gets excited. “Yeah, ok! Ummmm, I’ll go first. Well, it’s tour, so obviously we’re going to want to be able to share rooms when we want to.”
Jungkook grins up at Jimin. “Going right for the good stuff are we hyung?”
Jimin smacks his chest and blushes a bit. “Hey! We’re not going in any particular order, this is like a brainstorm! No wrong answers.”
“Ok then! Got it, room sharing, when we want. Uhhhhhh, I want to be able to have some meals together, just you and me, and maybe go for some walks, you know, kind of experience the cities together a bit. London, Paris.”
Jimin rubs Jungkook’s chest the way he knows soothes him. “Very good idea. I would love that too. Ok, me next. I want to be able to text you anything I want to and not be worried about who might see.”
“Anything you want?” Jungkook raises one eyebrow. He gets another smack and they continue on, listing all the things they want to be able to do together over the course of the tour. It’s mostly lighthearted and most of it seems achievable, if they are careful.
After one intense burst of laughter over Jungkook making a joke about wanting to be able to pick Jimin up anytime he wants (“You already do that! What would be different?”), they quiet down.
Jungkook is nervous to say what he wants to next, but it feels really important. “I want to be able to hold your hand … in front of the other hyungs.”
Jimin can probably hear the little waver in his voice because he’s quickly reaching down to kiss Jungkook’s forehead. “Aw, Kookie, I want that too. I’m not going to lie. The thought of telling the others … it’s a little scary. But honestly, if we want to be able to do any of these things on tour, they’re going to need to know. We wouldn’t be able to hide from them for long. And also, we’re going to have to hide from so many people, I don’t want to hide you from them.”
Jungkook feels lighter than a feather and he pulls Jimin closer by reaching his arms up and tugging on his shoulders, giving him a quick but firm kiss.
“So we agree? We tell everyone before we leave?”
“Yes, that feels like the right first step.”
Jungkook thinks a little more. “What about Manager Sejin? I obviously don’t think telling the staff is what we should do, but we can trust him, right? If he knew, he could help us with some of the logistics --”
Jungkook breaks off to look up at Jimin and stops at the look on his face.
Jimin sighs, and then says, “I don’t know. I do trust Sejin-nim with all my heart. I actually think he would be happy for us, and you’re right, it would be really helpful to have someone in management who could help us. But … but I also know he’s super concerned with protecting all of us, protecting the band and everything we’ve worked for for so long. I’m worried he might feel like he has to tell Bang PD-nim.”
Jungkook’s heart sinks at the implications. “And you think Bang PD-nim won’t want us to be together --”
“No, it’s not even that. I’m not totally sure how he would react. I know he certainly wouldn’t object because we’re too men, you know how progressive his views are. I just mean … well, in the spirit of taking things slow, that just opens up a whole big discussion about how we would be together long term. Ah, please don’t be sad, I just don’t think I’m ready to have that discussion with the company yet.”
Jungkook gathers himself up. “No, no, I completely understand. Slow and steady. Besides, we’re going on tour! I don’t think we would even want to have that talk until we were back in Korea. Actually, the perfect time would be to talk to him when we’re back in June. Festa time! Far enough ahead of our comeback in October to deal with anything big. Gives us enough time to take it slow. What do you think, hyung?”
Jungkook twists a bit to get a good look at Jimin’s face. He’s quick enough that he catches something strange cross Jimin’s face. He thinks it might be … unease? But then Jimin is quickly smiling and saying, “Sounds like a good plan,” and the expression passes.
Jimin pushes on quickly. “Ok, so, telling the other members. We have a bit of time, but not much.”
Jungkook feels himself suddenly nervous as he realises they are really doing this. “Ummm, maybe at the group dinner we always have the week before we leave? The one where we talk about our intentions?”
Jimin smiles down at him. “Perfect.” He giggles. “Because I intend to make out with you as much as possible and they are just going to have to deal with it!”
Jungkook’s mouth drops open and he says, “That’s not how you’re going to tell them is it?”
Jimin laughs, and says, “Maaaaaaybe, what are you going to do to stop me?”
Jungkook huffs, and says, “Well maybe I’ll just start making out with you at the table and we let them figure it out on their own?”
Jimin giggles. “Ok, but now that I think about it. Namjoon knows already, yes?”
“Well, yes and no. You know I talked to him about my feelings and that I was going to tell you. And I’m pretty certain he figured out the morning after that we talked about it. But I guess he doesn’t know for certain how it went. Still, I’m fairly certain this will be zero surprise to him. And I told you that I think Yoong-hyung figured things out somehow. So that just leaves Taehyungie-hyung, Hobi-hyung, and Jin-hyung.”
Jimin suddenly looks extremely guilty. “Well … actually …”
Jungkook realises where this is going and he sits up abruptly, spinning to sit with his knees up, facing Jimin.
“Wait -- did you tell Tae?”
Jimin immediately covers his face with his hands. “I’m sorry! I couldn’t help it! I know I should’ve told you but then I got kind of nervous how you would react. I didn’t really mean to. It’s just that …”
Jungkook is panicked for a moment, but then remembers that the goal is for his hyungs to know. He reaches forward and peels Jimin’s hands from his face. “Hey, it’s ok. I just wish you had told me --”
Jimin looks a little pained. “I know, I know! It’s just Tae has this thing with me, it’s kind of embarrassing but he can somehow tell instantly when I’ve gotten laid and --”
“Wait, what? How could he tell that?”
“I don’t really know! It’s a soulmate thing he says, he just looks at me the day after and bam! Without fail, he knows. So … he kind of figured it out in New York.”
“Woah, ok, that was weeks ago.”
“I know! I’m sorry. He figured out I had slept with someone, and then he thought it was one of the staff and I couldn’t let him think that. So I told him. I made him promise not to say anything to anyone else. He was surprised, but then he was actually thrilled for us. I had to physically restrain him from immediately going to find you for a high five.”
Jungkook can’t help it. The image of Taehyung coming to high five him because he had had sex with Jimin makes him burst out laughing. Jimin’s worried pout turns up into a small smile, and then as Jungkook can’t stop laughing he starts too, and soon they are leaning into each other as they struggle to contain their mirth.
Jungkook finally stops laughing. “Ah, hyung, I know you and Tae are close. I should have realized you wouldn’t really be able to hide anything.”
Jimin lets his smile fall a bit. “Is that ok? I kind of tell Tae everything, like really everything. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to stop …”
“Hyung, of course. I wouldn’t want you to stop having Tae to rely on in that way. That’s part of the reason I’m glad everyone will know. We’ll need to be able to have other people to talk to about each other … and I mean, I already talked to Namjoon-hyung. I don’t think I would have been able to confess without his advice. So yes, of course you can talk to Tae about what you need to.”
Jimin breathes a sigh of relief, and then gives Jungkook a big hug, practically leaping forward in his eagerness.
Jungkook has a thought. “But you’re not going to tell him how fast I came from that blow job are you?”
Jimin leans back and it’s his turn to raise his eyebrows (bless his heart, Jungkook thinks, he can’t do one at a time). “What’ll you give me if I don’t?”
Well, the only way to respond to that kind of threat is with a tickle attack, and Jungkook promptly launches a level five aggression, digging his fingers into Jimin’s sides and stomach until he has tears running down his face from laughter. Only then does he have mercy and let up, now lying firmly on top of Jimin on the bed, caging him in a little bit.
“Look, you muscle pig,” Jimin says, still catching his breath, chest rising and falling fast as he looks up at Jungkook, cheeks flushed pink and eyes sparkling. “You can’t use your physical power over me to get everything you want all the time. That is not how this relationship is going to go. I’m still the hyung here.”
This only prompts Jungkook to use his muscles a little more, to roll and flip them over so that their positions are reversed and Jimin is perched on top of Jungkook, their bodies lying flush against one another. “Better?” he smirks.
Jimin pretends to be indignant for another few moments, but then quickly softens, relaxing his body and pressing his face into Jungkook’s chest.
“Hmmph, as long as you know who’s boss.” Jungkook smiles into his hair, breathing in deeply to smell his hyung’s familiar scent.
“You can be the boss of me, hyung, I just thought you liked to be scolded.”
“Well … sometimes, but only when I want, which still makes me the boss.”
Jungkook decides to leave the teasing at that, and starts to rub Jimin’s back, sliding hands up and down as Jimin’s breathing slows.
Jimin’s voice comes out a little muffled as he says. “So just really Jin-hyung and Hobi-hyung that might be caught off guard.”
Jungkook stops his hands. Jimin sounds weird.
“Right. Are you … worried about them?”
Jimin answers quickly. “No, no, not really. Just thinking …” But Jimin falls uncharacteristically silent at that. Jungkook suddenly feels awkward. Even though Jimn and he know each other so very well, their relationship is new, and Jungkook isn’t certain how to ask what might be bothering him.
Although he worries this might be the wrong instinct, he decides to let it go. They’ve already talked through a lot. So instead of prying, he shifts them so that they are on their sides together and he presses Jimin’s back to his chest tightly.
He wants to whisper in his ear that he loves him, but he holds back, not wanting Jimin to feel pressured. So instead he says it inside his head and nuzzles the back of his neck, just enjoying the feeling of stability he now has with their plan sorted.
They talk a little more but they’re both tired and they quickly settle in and fall asleep, limbs intertwined and breath slowly but surely synching in time.
-----
`
Their group dinner ends up being chaotic, even more so than usual. Hoseok and Yoongi are caught up at the studio, both working on separate projects, Taehyung is still on his way back from a quick trip home to Daegu to drop off Tannie. Namjoon had decided at the last minute to take one last bike ride along the river, the pastime that he misses the most when he’s on tour.
As a result, they all end up at the restaurant at different times. Jungkook and Jimin arrive together, both nervous and eager to get things over with, having talked through how they were going to do this ahead of time at the dorm and wanting to be there on time.
As the two of them are settling into the private room, two of their bodyguards setting up shop outside the entrance, assured by the fact that NDAs have been signed by all the staff working tonight, they see messages spamming the group chat as the excuses pour in for why almost every single one of them is going to be late. They both laugh. They should have known it all wouldn’t go to plan, nothing ever quite does when it’s the seven of them. Too many variables.
But they don’t stress about it. Seokjin arrives shortly after them and the three determine not to wait to order food and drinks. So a steady stream of drinks and food keeps being brought to their table as Jin does what he does best: orders generously and often, always knowing the best food and drink pairings, and loudly proclaiming that tonight is on him. Jungkook grins, knowing that the company always shells out for their pre-tour group dinners.
Taehyung arrives next, shucking his light coat off and throwing himself into the chair beside Jimin, leaning into his soulmate in apology (he, of course, knows what they’re planning to do tonight). He digs into the food and starts talking about how hard it was to say goodbye to Tannie this time, catching them up on his family. Every once in a while, he’ll look over at Jungkook and give him a knowing smile.
Jungkook has found it a little strange to know that Tae knows, but he’s also found it a bit of a relief. They haven’t talked one on one about it, but they’ve hung out the three of them, and Jungkook found it immensely refreshing to not have to hold back his affection for Jimin around someone else. Taehyung, for his part, kept talking about how disgustingly cute they were, making Jimin blush until he tackled Tae and made him promise to stop, all the while sneaking glances at Jungkook that gave away how much he secretly loved the praise. Jungkook doesn’t doubt that Taehyung knew exactly what he was doing.
Either way, Jungkook is immensely grateful for their friend who knows both him and Jimin so well, and who is clearly on board and excited for them.
Next to arrive are Hobi and Yoongi, having caught a car together from the studio. Hobi screeches excitedly when he walks in and sees the spread. He and Yoongi immediately dig in, Hoseok talking loudly around bites of food, Yoongi much more quiet. He looks tired from some long nights trying to get some things done before tour.
Finally, Joon arrives, all bluster and excuses about how he got lost on his way back and had to call for a car to pick him up.
Seokjin cackles, and points across the table at Namjoon as he settles in. “How did you get lost? Don’t you bike that trail all the time?”
Namjoon looks embarrassed. “I got turned around in the dark! Anyways, it’s fine, I called a car, I’m here. Pass me some samgyeopsal!”
Seokjin obliges, but another thought occurs to him as he passes the food. “Did you bring your bike with you, then, in the car?”
Namjoon freezes, hand out with the plate of food as a shocked look spreads across his face.
Seokjin immediately starts windshield-wiper laughing. Everyone else looks a little lost. Jin manages to say, in between laughs, “You left it by the river, didn’t you?”
Namjoon hangs his head in shame. The rest of the group erupts in laughter, Hobi smacking him on the back in disbelief, Yoongi scolding, and the three youngest teasing.
From there the food quickly disappears, the drinks just keep coming, and the talk is loud, at least four conversations happening at any given time as they catch up with each other. It’s actually pretty rare that they are able to get together for a meal with all seven of them.
Schedules are often impossible to figure out and preferences and moods vary wildly within the group. They always make time at the start and end of tours though, it’s important to bookend the insane project that a world tour is. It keeps them grounded and ensures they check in with each other. It’s been a tradition since Wings and they have never missed one.
Finally, as the food becomes scarcer and chairs are pushed back, Namjoon starts to look around. Hobi notices he’s trying to get the more formal part of the evening started, and he whistles helpfully. Six pairs of eyes focus on Namjoon, giving him the lead as is his role.
Namjoon clears his throat. “So. Our first stadium tour. Before we do the usual thing, I just want to say, cheers to that!” He raises his glass and they all give a quick cheer and drink.
“No, but seriously guys. A stadium tour, pretty much sold out, two nights in every city. Wembley! Think how crazy that is. I still can’t quite believe it.” Around the table are proud nods as everyone lets it sink in.
Namjoon pauses and looks a little bit more serious. “But, it’s still a tour. It’s still going to be hard, probably the hardest tour we’ve ever done. Those stadiums are big and we’re going to need to be big to fill them up. So let’s do our usual thing and talk about what we want to focus on. I’ll start.”
Namjoon takes a sip of his beer. “Ok, this might sound silly but I spent a lot of last tour working on Mono, as you guys know. I wouldn’t change that, but I also kind of feel a little freer this time. There’s still lots of music to work on, but I want to focus on staying physically and mentally strong in between shows. So I want to work out more and really take some time in each city to do at least one thing -- an art show, something -- that will make me feel mentally fulfilled.”
The boys murmur back at him, telling him what a good idea that is. They keep going around the table, most of them talking about projects they want to keep working on, or smaller things, staying more connected with family or friends.
Jungkook is working hard to try to stay focused on each of the members as they talk. Part of the reason they do this is so they can help each other. Remind each other of what they wanted to accomplish, or help them change what that is, depending on what is happening along the way. But he’s finding himself getting more and more nervous the closer it gets to his turn to talk.
He doesn’t realize it until Jimin puts a steadying hand on his knee for a moment, but he’s shaking his leg nervously. He takes a deep breath and tries to be patient.
He realizes that he’s lost the thread a bit when he looks up and sees that all eyes are on him.
“Sorry, what?” He says, feeling slightly sweaty.
“Your turn, Kookie.” Namjoon prompts.
Jungkook’s mind promptly goes blank, just totally empty. Everything Jimin and he had talked about before they rode over together is gone. All he can remember is the reassuring kiss he got before they left the dorm, and Jimin saying, “Don’t worry Kookie, soon it’ll be over and the worst of your problems will be how to deal with everyone teasing you all the time.”
Jungkook looks over at Jimin now, a total deer in the headlights expression on his face. Jimin quickly catches on that not only can Jungkook not seem to say anything about the two of them, he’s not going to be able to say anything at all. Jungkook had been determined earlier that he wanted to start them off, especially since all of this started with him and his feelings, he was adamant he should be the one to begin. But all that is clearly out the window.
Jimin gives him a single nod before turning to the rest of the team, all of whom are very focused, some slightly confused by Jungkook’s reaction to being put on the spot, others starting to figure out what might be coming.
Jimin catches eyes with Namjoon. He looks relieved and he gives Jimin an encouraging nod.
“Ok, well, I feel like there’s no perfect way to do this, so I’m just gonna rip the bandaid off.”
He surprises Jungkook by simply reaching over and entwining their hands. Hobi raises an eyebrow.
“Some of you know this already --” He glances quickly over at Tae, who gives him a little smile. “But for those who don’t. Jungkook and I are …”
He hesitates for a second, quickly glancing at Hobi, but then he quickly smooths over his pause. “Together. We’re together. We, ummm, we like each other. We figured it out, in New York actually. And we feel really good about it, we’re going to take things slow and just you know, be ourselves, but we needed you all to know. Because we know the decisions we make affect all of us, affect what we do. And we wanted to make sure you know how seriously we take all of this, the risk of it, I mean. And we wanted to talk out what it means, for everybody and how … well, how you all feel about it.”
Jungkook is watching Jimin closely, and he feels his heart speed up at how many “we’s” there were. He feels a warm pride at how mature Jimin is. He then turns his attention to the rest of the guys. Tae is nodding encouragingly, but no surprise there. Yoongi is looking down into his lap, hand over his mouth where Jungkook sees he is trying to hide a small smile. Namjoon looks happy, eyes flicking between him and Jimin.
Seokjin looks a little more serious, his brow furrowed. Hoseok … well, his other eyebrow has joined the first one in surprise and his mouth is doing the little triangle frown, which is usually not a good sign.
Hobi turns his eyes from Jimin to Jungkook and he says, “Kookie?”
Jungkook realises that he has kind of left Jimin alone in this and he takes the prompt. “Yes, yeah, everything Jimin just said is right. Except he’s leaving a bit out.” He throws a thankful glance over to Jimin, who is taking in a shaky breath. He’s playing it cool but Jungkook can see how nervous he is.
“But I guess this is my part to tell. I think you guys kind of know this already but … well, I’ve liked Jimin for a really long time actually. Since debut. I think some, or all, of you figured out I had a crush back then.” Jimin gives his hand a reassuring squeeze and he glances over for some quick strength before he keeps going.
“And, you know, I was so young and I was kind of confused, and didn’t really think he would like me back, and there’s so much risk, especially when we were just starting out. So I just … didn’t make a big deal of it. And it kind of went away, except it didn’t really, I think I just got better at dealing with it. But anyways, the point is, that this isn’t just like a spur of the moment thing that happened, not for me, it’s been a long time coming and we just happened to figure it out together in New York … and … well …” He looks at Seokjin then, he’s not sure why. “I’m really happy … and I hope you will be too … happy for me, for us.”
He stops then, having said what he wanted to say after all. Jimin lets go of his hand, but only to reach out and give him a reassuring rub between his shoulders.
Surprisingly, Yoongi speaks up first. “Good for you.” Jimin and Jungkook both whip their heads over to him, eager to hear any reaction, having imagined a thousand ways this might go.
“Really. Do you know how hard it is to find anyone to have a real connection with in life? And then add us being idols on top of that, add being queer on top of that, and I feel like your odds are infintesimal. I, for one, am not really surprised and I am, Jungkook-ah, I am happy for you two.” He ends this magnanimous speech with a nod.
Namjoon bursts out laughing, surprising them all. He waves his hands widely, trying to dispel any worry, and he finally says, through his laughter, “Hyung, acting all cool. You already knew.”
Yoongi looks scandalized at first, but then he cracks a smile. Seokjin looks really confused, but he’s smiling now too. “What?” He says. “How?”
Namjoon suddenly looks a bit guilty. “Well, I kind of told him part of it.”
“What??” Hobi exclaims. “You knew too?”
Jungkook speaks up. “Yeah, sorry hyungs, I forgot to mention. I kind of asked Rapmonie-hyung for some advice. Before we went to New York. So he knew then that I still had feelings for Jimin and that I was planning to tell him . He just didn’t know how it went after that.”
Namjoon smiles. “Well, I guessed, based on how happy you two have been lately. I’m really happy that things worked out and that you two brought this up tonight. I was a little worried we were all going to find out by walking in on you two one day.”
“Well ...” Yoongi says, a small, mischievous smile on his face.
Taehyung’s eyes widen. “What? You walked in on them?” He whips his head over to Jimin. “Not fair! I wanted to be the first to accidentally see you guys all making out and sexy.”
Jungkook feels his face go instantly red, like a ripe tomato. Jimin smacks Taehyung in the chest. “Yah! What are you talking about? Why would you want to do that?”
Before Taehyung can answer (and god, Jungkook is a little terrified of his answer), Jin interrupts again. “Wait, wait, Tae, did you know too? What is going on here, somebody tell me who knew what when, and why I’m the last to know, I’m the oldest and I demand clarity!” Jungkook still feels in shock from Tae’s outburst, but he’s relieved to hear that he can tell that Jin is only half serious. His playfulness is a good sign.
Namjoon is laughing, but he speaks up. “Well, Yoongi I can kind of explain. Jungkook was being a nervous wreck on the flight over to New York, and I could tell Yoongi was about to hit him over the head with his carry on just to get some peace, so I texted him. I’m sorry, Jungkook, I didn’t quite tell you the whole truth that day before we left. It’s true that no one really talked about your feelings for Jimin … except hyung and I.” He glances over at Yoongi quickly before continuing. “We talked about it together every once in a while. Not a big deal, just wondering if you still felt the same way, hoping you were ok.”
Jungkook would get redder at that if he thought he possibly could.
Yoongi speaks up, face crinkling a bit in advance apology. “Yah, Jungkookie, don’t worry. I was always rooting for you.”
“So yeah, I guess I didn’t feel like texting him was totally new information. And I knew he would be encouraging, just like I was.”
Jungkook smiles a little. The plane makes more sense now. But … “What did you mean though, hyung, when Namjoon was talking about walking in on us?”
Yoongi has the courtesy to look a little ashamed at that. “Well … the room that Jimin had in New York … it was … well, it was next to mine.” And then he stops talking, taking a big swig of his beer.
All the blood drains from Jungkook’s face in an instant. Jimin is rubbing his own face with both hands and lets out an embarrassed groan. Tae is smacking him on the back, grinning.
Seokjin starts laughing, loud and joyous, and Jungkook starts laughing too. He’s embarrassed, that’s for sure. But these are his hyungs, he knows they won’t use any knowledge to hurt him. He does desperately wish they had thought a little bit more in retrospect that night -- actually, no, he doesn’t. He wouldn’t change a thing.
He turns to Jimin and drags his hands off his face and he just decides, well, they already know, and he gives him a quick peck on the mouth before saying. “Well, hyung, you were worried they would be shocked and it turns out we already practically shouted it down the hallways of our hotel.”
Jimin looks at him with a pout on his face, but he laughs a little bit before turning to grab his glass of wine, knocking the remainder of it back in one smooth swallow. “Ok, alright, I guess I can handle this information,” before looking a bit apologetically at Yoongi. “Sorry, hyung, we’ll be more careful.”
“Ah, Jimin-ah, I couldn’t give less of a crap about it. That’s what noise-cancelling headphones are for. But, we could maybe think about the hotel layout a bit more … thoughtfully, this tour.” He looks to Namjoon who nods enthusiastically, probably thinking he doesn’t want to hear anything like that from the person he still occasionally refers to as “the little one.”
Hosek speaks up then, and Jungkook realises how quiet he’s been. “Ok, so that explains Yoongi and Namjoon. Why does Taehyung know already?”
Taehyung chirps in. “Oh, they didn’t stand a chance. I figured out something was going on with my soulmate and he can’t lie to me. Can you Jimin-ah?” He tousles Jimin’s hair, which gets him a scowl.
“Figures!” Seojin exclaims. Jungkook turns his attention to him.
“Sorry, hyung. We didn’t mean to make it seem like we told everyone but you. You too, Hobi-hyung. We really did want to talk to everyone about it together, you know, as a team.”
Seokjin gives a good-natured guffaw. “Ahh, Jungkook-ah, you two definitely made this a night to remember.” He pauses and gets a bit of a far away look in his eye.
“I remember back then, you know. When we noticed you had that crush. It was adorable, actually. You were nothing but a pair of big eyes in that very round head, and you followed Jimine around everywhere off camera, and couldn’t stop shoving him away on camera. I guess I just assumed when you matured you would grow out of it, and I thought you did. But if you’ve really felt that way all this time ... “
He pauses, and Jungkook holds his breath a little. He feels Jimin at his side doing the same. “Then I’m glad that Jimin finally got his head out of his ass and realised what a catch you are.” He gets a bit more serious. “I’m really happy for you. And don’t worry. Hyung will protect you two. We all will.”
Jungkook’s face breaks out into a huge bunny smile, and he feels Jimin’s hand intertwining with his again. He looks over and Jungkook sees intense relief written across Jimin’s face. Huh. He guesses Jimin was even more worried than he had let on. Jungkook was also nervous, but he guesses that, deep down inside, he knew his hyungs would be happy for him.
Jungkook suddenly realises that Hoseok has yet to say anything, nothing substantial anyways. He can tell Jimin has noticed as well, because he keeps glancing in his direction. Yoongi, who is sitting beside Hoseok, clears his throat before picking up and downing the rest of his beer, knocking his elbow into Hoseok’s side in the process.
Hoseok seems to snap out of it. “Hey, Jungkookie, Jimin-ah. You know I only want what’s best for you guys, what makes you happy. If this is what you want, Kookie --” He’s looking a little intensely at Jungkook but then flicks his eyes over to Jimin.”-- if this is what both of you want, you know I have your back, all the way. Sorry, hyung’s just a little surprised.” Hoseok does look a little dazed, his face that deep red he gets when he drinks even a little bit.
Jungkook rushes to reassure him. “Of course, hyung, we completely understand. We’re springing this on you all of a sudden. We get it.” Jimin is silent beside him. He turns to look at him and notices he’s chewing on his bottom lip and staring at the floor. “Don’t we, hyung?”
Jimin’s eyes snap up. “Yeah, yeah, of course.”
From there, Namjoon actually takes charge. They talk through that they’re not ready to tell any staff yet. Jungkook hints that they’re going to talk to Bang PD when they’re back in Korea in June. Hoseok flicks his eyes between Jungkook and Jimin at that point, and then nods his head, saying it sounds like a good plan.
Namjoon takes them through some scenarios and cautions where they might have to be most careful. Jungkook can feel Jimin tensing up a little bit beside him, but he knows this type of planning is exactly what they need to make sure they feel safe enough to explore what they have together, so he just rubs his leg with his hand, hoping to be reassuring and doing most of the talking.
Once they’ve talked through a bunch of details, Jungkook and Jimin promise everyone that they will ask for help if they need it, and come to them if they are worried.
“Seriously, you two, we know you understand the risks better than anyone, but you’re going to have to let us help you. I’m not going to lie about the fact that it’s a risk, for all of us. But you know we all agreed to continue doing this only if we could all figure out a way to be happy. And we promised each other we would find ways to help each other in that. So let us help you.” Namjoon finishes.
Jungkook feels himself tearing up, and when Jimin turns and notices, he covers Jungkook’s ears with his hands and exclaims, “Aigooo, Namjoon-hyung! You’ve made the maknae cry! How could you?” And he giggles, sounding very happy.
Taehyung piles onto their hug from one side, and suddenly six bodies are piling onto Jungkook, all of them forming one giant, half-drunken, laughing and poking pile of limbs. He feels several arms reach through the mess to rub the top of his head and pinch at his cheeks.
He laughs so hard that the few tears he was trying to hold in roll down his cheeks, and, for the millionth time in the last few weeks, he is immensely grateful for his found family.
Notes:
AHHHHH Thank you for reading this first chapter! If you liked it, please let me know in the comments! Come yell at me in all caps on twitter if you want.
Chapter 2
Notes:
Hello everyone! I'm going to drop two chapters today because this second chapter is pretty short. Consider this one the "honeymoon" chapter, not a ton of plot, just our boys being happy. The plot really gets started in earnest in chapter three.
I also want to acknowledge up front that this story has a lot of sexy times throughout, not just at the end like a lot do. For me, the best sex scenes are ones that are not only sexy and entertaining, but that also tell you something about the characters' emotional states and where they are in the relationship.
Once again, this is un-beta'd and of course, totally fictional. I've played with dates and times when things occurred because, again, fictional. Happy reading :)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Jungkook is staring down a gauntlet of photographers. The lights flash, voices yell out their names, and Jungkook adjusts his bag on his shoulder.
Every time he finds himself at the airport at the start of another world tour, he is always amazed. Amazed that they’re about to travel the world and that, everywhere they go, no matter how far, there will be people that love their music, and that are paying actual money to see them perform.
He looks across the spread of his bandmates, lined up against the curb after stepping out of their respective cars. All of them are fashionably dressed to impress, knowing that these airport pics will circle the globe via news outlets in a matter of minutes. They look cool, they look like a band, and Jungkook feels himself fighting the urge to pinch himself again. Sometimes he can’t believe that this is his life.
He looks back out at the crowd of photographers, seen through the gap between his mask and bucket hat. He feels the potential of the next six months unfurling in front of him: The potential for greatness, for injury, or health, for excellence, or failure.
He thinks about Jimin. What’s different this tour is the shining potential for personal fulfillment and happiness in a way that just wasn’t possible before. He thinks for a second that perhaps there is potential for heartbreak too, but he doesn’t dwell on it. The weight of this moment before they embark is breathtaking and utterly terrifying, different futures branching out before him. What path should he walk?
The moment breaks as Namjoon leads them, striding forward. Jungkook pushes any thoughts aside and makes a start.
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Jungkook hears ringing in his ears. His skin is buzzing with electricity. He can feel the hair on the back of his neck and his arms standing up. He looks out at the crowd of ninety thousand people, army bombs lit up, every single one of them cheering for him, for them.
He glances around at the others and sees the looks of awe and happiness on their faces. They’re winding down the second night at Rose Bowl. The beats of Mikrokosmos are spreading out mellowly into the stadium as they rush from one corner of the stage to the other, doing their best to say thank you to as many as they can.
Jungkook sucks in a big breath and yells his gratitude into his microphone as he waves. The lights, the eyes of their fans, the electricity in the air, it’s all overwhelming and intoxicating. They got a taste at Citifield last year, but now this feeling, the intensity of these stadium shows, is their new normal for the rest of the tour. He feels the luck of his life bubbling up in his heart, and he tries to let it flow back out to the crowd.
The rest of the team start gathering center stage for the last goodbyes and Jungkook feels the urge to refuse to leave. He wants to breathe in this feeling forever. But he heads over, trying to remember every moment.
He spots Jimin crouched down and staring out at the stadium, microphone pushed tight against his mouth but not saying anything. Jungkook approaches as he hears him start shouting out to the crowd. The sound of his syrupy sweet voice, the urgency of his emotions practically crackling in the air, spreads out and Jungkook feels a pull deep in his chest.
He crouches over Jimin’s form, simultaneously concerned for his hyung, and delighted by the outpouring of joy that Jimin is clearly feeling. Jimin seems caught up in the same emotion Jungkook has been, in a daze, and repeating himself as he shouts his love and thanks to Army.
Jungkook brings his own mic up and gently teases his hyung, repeating his words as he envelopes his body with his own. Jimin covers part of his face with his hand as his voice belays that he is starting to cry.
Jungkook continues to tease, but Jimin is now shaking a little beneath him, and the world suddenly shrinks down to just the two of him. The screaming crowd disappears, and Jungkook can only feel the way Jimin is trembling, can only hear his own heartbeat, fast and choppy, like it’s both the end of the world and some new sweet beginning.
Jungkook leans down a little more and nuzzles against the side of Jimin’s head, trying to convey comfort through his touch. He’s not sure what prompts him to say these exact words, but he leans forward and whispers in Jimin’s ear, “It’s ok, hyung, there’s so much more to come.” The feeling of this dark bubble, this space somehow both encompassing just him and Jimin, but also all the love of their entire ecosystem of fans, intensifies.
Jungkook briefly presses his nose in again right behind Jimin’s ear, and then moves forward and sucks briefly on his ear lobe, arms wrapped tight around his head, trying to convey that he’s feeling all the same things, all the emotions that make him feel like he’s going to shake apart and fly off into the air.
He hears his name being called in the familiar voice of his hyungs, and he gives his head a small shake. All of the outside noise, the screaming, the music, the deep thud of the bass, comes crashing back in, and he uses his strength to pull Jimin up, back to reality with him. In moments they’ve joined the other members on the lift, and are being pulled slowly beneath the stage as their voices continue to echo through the night.
The deep thud of fireworks start, and as they descend down to the dim light under the stage, Jungkook slips his hand into Jimin’s and squeezes tight. This is just the beginning, he thinks, with both trepidation and all the wonder in his heart.
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The quiet when they get back to their individual hotel rooms can be deafening. The unbelievable highs and crashing lows of tour can be difficult to deal with. Jungkook often copes with it by working out. The other guys say they can’t imagine lifting weights after the physical stress of their concerts, but Jungkook finds it is often the only way to make his mind quiet down. He’ll work his body to exhaustion, and then he falls asleep within seconds of his head hitting the pillow.
He did it after night one of their Rose Bowl concerts. But tonight, he can’t stop thinking about Jimin, and he hopes he’s not being a bother when he texts him after showering.
Jungkook
Hey hyung, would it be ok if I came over tonight?
He’s towelled off and in comfy clothes by the time he gets a response.
Jimin-hyung
Sure baby, just waiting for some room service but you’re welcome to come over and share!
Jungkook sends a quick smiley emoji in response and blow dries his hair, before grabbing his key and heading over. When he arrives, he finds Jimin uncovering numerous plates that have just been brought up by room service.
Jimin looks up at him, grinning as he opens a few packages of disposable chopsticks. “Thank god you’re here, Kookie. I think I went a little crazy with the ordering.”
Jungkook takes in the plates and plates of food: steak, potatoes made several ways, grilled vegetables, and two separate types of pasta. He can smell a ramen cup steeping in hot water as well. He suddenly feels ravenous. He quickly joins his hyung at the table and they eat like two starved teenagers.
They’re quiet at first as they shovel food in as fast as they can. As they start to feel more satisfied and slow down, there is space for conversation.
Jimin runs a hand through his hair, now jet black, after a particularly spicy bite of ramen. Jungkook can spot a bit of sweat on his temple and he laughs. He scoops up a big spoonful of mashed potatoes and shoves it in Jimin’s mouth, who laughs around the spoon, and then grabs it out of Jungkook’s hand.
“Yah, how dare you, I’m fine, it’s not spicy at all!”
Jungkook just shakes his head and laughs as he watches Jimin wash it all down with big gulps of his water.
Jungkook clears his throat, thinking of the concert. “I can’t believe we get to do this all over the world.”
Jimin looks a bit lost at first, but then catches on to what Jungkook is talking about. “Yeah, I feel the same. It’s kind of unbelievable that there are enough people everywhere we are going that want to see us. It’s so addicting. I already can’t wait for Chicago.”
Jungkook smiles. “Totally. I can’t tell you what flying through the stadium felt like … it was like … it was like …”
Jimin looks at him, starry eyed, as Jungkook struggles to describe the feeling. He gives up and laughs. “I guess I can’t describe it, but I know I want to never stop doing it.”
Jimin laughs in delight. “Well, you’ll just have to figure out a way to fly in every tour going forward. Maybe they’ll let us all do it.”
Jungkook grins, picturing Hobi and Jin screaming if they were ever forced to do the same thing. His mind shifts to the last moments of the concert.
“Hyung … I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable at all on stage tonight.”
Jimin sits up a bit, looking concerned and a bit confused. “What?”
“Well, I was just thinking that maybe I should have been a bit less … well just less … affectionate?”
Jimin narrows his eyes in further confusion. “Kookie, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Now Jungkook is confused. “You know … when you were crying … and I, you know …” He feels a blush spreading across his cheeks. He can’t believe he has to say it out loud. “I … sucked on your ear …”
Jimin’s mouth drops open. “Huh?”
Jungkook can’t believe he’s brought this up now for seemingly no reason. He doesn’t think he can say one more word without turning bright red, so he grabs his phone out of his pocket, because he’s pretty sure of one thing.
He goes to his trending page on twitter and clicks on the number one trend. He hands it over to Jimin, who takes it and scrolls down the page for a few seconds before realization washes over his face and he throws his head back, his body convulsing with intense waves of laughter. He brings his hand up to cover his face, and then pitches his body sideways until he’s laying half on the bed, legs dangling over the edge.
Jungkook finds himself laughing along with him. “Whaaaat? I’m sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking!”
Jimin doesn’t say anything, just keeps laughing, sneaking a peak at Jungkook’s face and laughing harder.
Jungkook eventually joins him on the bed, tickling a little at Jimin’s sides. Eventually Jimin’s laughter subsides and he looks up at Jungkook, eyes still crinkled in mirth. “Oh my god, Kookie, I didn’t even notice!” He breaks out laughing again. “But everyone else sure did!”
Jungkook puts a fake pout on this face and he humphs. “See if I ever suck on your ear again.”
Jimin laughs again. Jungkook still feels a bit weird, so he says, just to get it all in the open, “You don’t think the managers will think it was a bit too much?”
Jimin cups his face. “Are you kidding? One million won says it makes it into the trailer for the DVD.”
Jungkook laughs but still feels a bit off kilter. Jimin seems to notice and sits up, wrapping his arms round Jungkook’s shoulders.
“Kookie, really, you don’t have to worry. You could do anything short of kissing me on stage and half the people watching would be convinced we’re together, and the other half will be convinced we could never be. It doesn’t matter what we actually do, you know how this works. They love us, but they don’t know this part of us, and people believe what they want to believe.”
Jungkook breathes out in relief, not realizing how worried about it he had been. “You’re right, hyung. I still feel like I got a little carried away, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t have done the exact same thing before we … before.”
Jimin boops his nose and he says, “Exactly.”
Jungkook smiles a little shyly, and then puts on a put out expression. “I’m a little pissed at you now, though.”
Jimin rears back a little. “Excuse me?”
Jungkook pouts. “I had one of your body parts in my mouth and you didn’t even notice.”
Jimin’s mouth pops into a little “o” of surprise, but then he swiftly recovers, and pushes on Jungkook’s chest until he’s on his back and Jimin can straddle his hips. “Well. Hyung is very sorry. Let me correct that mistake immediately. I promise I’ll notice this time. Which body part would you like?”
Jungkook laughs and pulls Jimin down, so he can kiss him silly.
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It’s one o’clock in the morning and Jungkook feels like he might fly out of his skin. He just got back to his hotel room and he’s pacing back and forth, thoughts flying in a thousand different directions. He knows he talked Manager Sejin’s ear off the whole way home, but he still doesn’t feel like he got the excitement out of his system.
He knows he shouldn’t. It’s one in the morning and they have a schedule tomorrow. But Jungkook can’t resist. He grabs his phone.
Jungkook
Hyung, you up?
Jungkook doesn’t expect a reply really. Jimin is probably long asleep. He’s surprised a few moments later when his phone dings.
Jimin-hyung
Is this a booty call?
Jungkook snorts out a quick laugh, but before he can reply Jimin is typing again
Jimin-hyung
Because I’m half asleep and I don’t know if you’re into that sort of thing (sleepy emoji, winky emoji)
Jungkook blushes a bit but then quickly types a message back.
Jungkook
lol no hyung I just got back from the concert. just seeing if you were still awake but it’s fine, go back to sleep
Jimin-hyung
Come snuggle with me and tell me about it. Sleep over.
Jungkook grins. He changes into some pajamas and quickly heads over to Jimn’s room.
He uses his key to slide quietly into Jimin’s room. They always ask for two now and quickly give one to the other at the first opportunity. The room is dark, only the light from the bathroom leading his way to the bed. He sees Jimin is indeed tucked in the covers, splayed out on his stomach, hands tucked up under the pillow where his head gently rests.
Jungkook hesitates, but Jimin opens his eyes and hums before reaching out one of his arms and making grabby motions with his hand. Jungkook quickly slips his shirt off and slips under the covers, gathering Jimin up in his arms.
Jimin hums happily and nuzzles his face into Jungkook’s neck, placing a quick kiss against his skin before saying. “Hmmm, you smell good.”
Jungkook can hear how sleepy he is. He smiles against the crown of his head. “Sorry to wake you up, hyung.”
Jimin grunts before he says, “I could practically hear you vibrating from across the hotel. Tell me about it.”
Jungkook can’t help it then, it pours out of him. How excited he was that it had all worked out at the last minute between their two teams. The thrill of watching the concert from the front row. How he had been nervous about being recognized in the crowd, but how any thoughts like that had swept out of his head when the show started.
“It was so incredible, hyung. She’s so small, but she filled up the stage, even though it was huge. And her voice, her voice is just crazy. She just held everyone captivated for three hours, all on her own. It was ….. I was …”
Jimin is a little more awake now and he’s watching Jungkook talk with a small smile on his face. “You were what, baby?”
Jungkook is staring up at the ceiling, trying to articulate his thoughts. He thinks if he was with anyone else he probably wouldn’t be able to parse it. But talking to Jimin just gives him a clarity that he finds hard to reach otherwise.
“I was … jealous.” Jungkook surprises himself a little bit too with that realization.
Jimin squints his eyes. “Jealous? Jealous of what exactly? The talent? The voice? The pretty face? Because I’m pretty sure you have all of those things, Jeon Jungkook.”
Jungkook smiles but then his face gets very serious again. “Because she was doing it on her own.”
Jungkook sneaks a glance at Jimin, worried all of a sudden that he’ll misunderstand him. And Jimin’s brow is furrowed, but what he says next reassures Jungkook that he doesn’t think that he isn’t grateful, or still totally enamored with being BTS and not just Jungkook.
“You could do it, baby, if you wanted to. You will do it, one day.”
Jungkook scoffs. “Come on, hyung, it’s not that simple. I’ve never done anything near like that on my own. I can’t even get my stuff together enough to finish my mixtape.” Jungkook can feel the darkest part of his thoughts, the ones that make him doubt himself, licking at his mind.
Suddenly Jimin is grabbing his face and squishing his cheeks aggressively. “Listen here, Jeon Jungkook. I am your hyung and that means you have to listen to me. Just because you haven’t done something before doesn’t mean you can’t do that thing. You are the most incredible, dedicated artist I’ve ever met, give or take five other korean men. If you want it, one day, you could absolutely do what she does.”
His voice comes out small. “You really think so?”
Jimin lets go of his face. “I don’t have a single doubt.” Then he gives Jungkook’s nose a peck before he settles back down with his head on Jungkook’s chest. “Now give me the real dirt. Did Sejin-nim dance?”
Jungkook laughs and shakes his head.
“Not even a wiggle? Not a shimmy? A side-to-side sway?” Jungkook squeezes Jimin tighter as they giggle a bit at the thought of their somewhat stoic and definitely shy-in-public manager dancing.
Suddenly both of their phones start blowing up, the sound of messages pouring into their Bangtan group chat. Jungkook reaches out and grabs his phone from the side table, and Jimin and him look at the chat together. Apparently the late night sleep schedules for some of them have already begun.
Rapmon-hyung
JKaaayyy!!! Nice pic! Looks like you had a good time!
Yoongi-hyung
Very cool Kook-ah, hope it was a good show.
Seokjin-hyung
Woah, handsome young man
Jimin giggles. “What are they talking about?”
Jungkook scrolls up to the first message in the group chat. It’s a photo.
Jungkook huffs out a breath. “Oh. She must’ve posted it online already.”
Jimin cranes his neck to see better and he lets out a low whistle. “Look at you, just a regular super star, best friends with the diva.”
Jungkook can’t stop a smile spreading across his face. Jimin grabs the phone out of his hand. “What?”
“Come on, we need to know the good stuff. What did she caption it with?” Jimin looks mischievous as he navigates first to twitter, and then when he doesn’t find anything, to Instagram.
He reads out the caption, exaggerating it a little bit and teasing Jungkook as much as possible.
They settle back down slowly, Jimin slowly running his hands through Jungkook’s hair with his face resting on his collarbone.
Jimin can hear Jungkook’s breath slow and he can tell when his overactive brain finally succumbs to sleep. Jimin, on the other hand, suddenly feels incredibly awake.
There was something in the plaintive tone of Jungkok’s voice, a yearning when he spoke about the stage he saw tonight. Jimin recognizes it because he hears it in himself too, when he thinks about his grander dreams and ambitions. So it is not an unfamiliar thing. But for some reason, it unsettles him. He struggles to sleep, and when he does, it is shallow and fitful.
-----------------------
Jungkook has a dilemma. In front of him is the most tempting sight he’s ever seen. Jimin is asleep, in his hotel bed. Jungkook stands in the dark at the edge of the bed, trying not to make any noise. A little shaft of light is shining out from the bathroom. Jimin is always so thoughtful, leaving a light on when he knows Jungkook will be coming over late, so he’s not stumbling around in the dark.
But right now, Jungkook isn’t thinking about how thoughtful Jimin is. He’s thinking about what an evil little sprite he is. Because the gentle spray of light that is spreading over Jimin’s form isn’t revealing a soft, pajama-clad boyfriend tucked under the covers and asleep.
Instead, it is revealing Park Jimin, completely naked, laying on his stomach on top of the made bed, arms up and tucked under the pillow where his head gently rests. His feet are adorably hooked together and Jungkook can’t stop sweeping his eyes up from his feet, over his calves and the built expanse of his thighs, up to the voluptuous swell of his ass. His waist tapers in, and then the gentle spread of his back leads to his shoulder blades, both strong and delicate at the same time.
From this angle, Jungkook can only see a small part of his lover’s face, but it is clearly in repose, lips soft and slack, his eyelashes fluttering prettily on his cheeks as he dreams. His dark hair is in his eyes a little.
Jungkook had been working late with one of the trainers, determined to master a boxing move that he had been tackling for a while. His trainer was adamant that he couldn’t move on to the more advanced stuff until he did this properly.
He had finally done it, but it meant he was late for a date with Jimin. Jimin had encouraged him to keep training, but he did tell him to shower and come over after anyways, no matter how late it was.
Jungkook had smiled at that message, knowing what it likely meant. When he had finally decided enough was enough for one night, and said goodbye to his trainer, he slowly unwound his hand bandages, and grabbed his phone out of his bag. After their last communication, Jungkook sees that Jimin had texted him one more time, an hour and a half later.
Jimin-hyung
Ready for you.
Jungkook’s breath had hitched a bit and suddenly he couldn’t get out of there fast enough. He doesn’t think he’s ever showered so fast in his life. By the time he got over to Jimin’s room, it was one in the morning, but he slipped his card in and entered.
And this is how he finds himself with the worst dilemma. On the one hand, Jimin is peacefully sleeping, and Jungkook knows how much he needs his sleep. Out of all of them, it’s him and Yoongi who handle the jetlag and plane travel the worst.
On the other hand, Jungkook has never wanted to wake someone up so badly. He is also sure that Jimin went to sleep this way very deliberately. Jungkook can feel his hands actually twitch with the instinct to reach out and touch. He cock is half hard in his jeans already.
He thinks about the fact that Jimin gets pouty when Jungkook leaves without giving him a kiss goodbye, even when he’s dead asleep and Jungkook is sneaking out at the crack of dawn for a special workout. He decides that if Jimin were to wake up tomorrow morning, well rested but alone, he would be in the dog house for a very long time.
Jungkook slips out of his jeans, not wanting anything rough to rub against the soft expanse of Jimin’s skin. Dressed in just a t-shirt and briefs, he softly lays his body down next to Jimin’s on the bed. Jimin doesn’t stir.
Jungkook just lays there for a few minutes, watching Jimin’s back rise and fall and the way his eyes move beneath his lids, appreciating the soft pout of his lips. He feels like the luckiest man alive.
Eventually, he moves a bit closer and reaches his arm out so that his hand rests just beyond Jimin’s shoulder on the other side of the mattress. He very softly presses his lips against Jimin’s, doing nothing more than touching their lips gently together.
Jimin lets out a soft sound. Jungkook pulls back a bit and watches as Jimin slowly blinks his eyes open.
“Hi,” Jungkook says softly, bringing his hand up to card through Jimin’s hair.
Jimin’s voice comes out as a soft rumble, still half in dreamland. “Hi. Hmmm, wha time issit?
“Just after one. Sorry, I got a little carried away.” He hesitates, then adds. “I didn’t see your last message until I finished up.”
Jimin is looking a little more awake now, but he still hasn’t stirred from his position in the slightest. He also seems totally unperturbed by his own nakedness, but that, Jungkook thinks, is probably the point.
“Hmmmm. Right, my message. You weren’t worried I would be grumpy if you woke me up?” Jimin’s pout breaks a bit, just a hint of a sly smile at the edges as he continues to slowly blink his way out of sleep.
Jungkook is being teased, he knows. Rather than responding, he drags his hand out of Jimin’s hair and down his back, before he spreads his hand wide over the deep curve of Jimin’s backside, gently kneading the flesh and muscle he finds there. He keeps eye contact with Jimin while he does it.
“I might have had a small hint that you would want me to.”
Jimin gives out a little puff of breath. “I wouldn’t call this hint ‘small.’ I would call it a perfectly sized hint.”
He reaches forward a bit and connects their lips again, this time deepening the kiss immediately. Jungkooks slides his body even closer so his front is pressing against Jimin’s side as they kiss.
Jimin breaks the kiss with a pout, eyes looking up at Jungkook like a puppy’s. “You kept me waiting.” Jungkook knows it’s just part of the game, but he’s more than happy to play.
“I’m sorry, baby. I would have been here in a second if I had known what was waiting for me.”
Jungkook gets an idea, something he has been wanting to try for a while.
“Let me make it up to you.” He doesn’t wait for Jimin to respond, giving him a quick peck on the lips before rising up and straddling Jimin’s waist with his thighs. He immediately starts rubbing Jimin’s back, acutely targeting all the spots he knows Jimin loves across his back and shoulders.
Jimin is a little caught off guard, but then Jungkook can feel him melt under his fingers. Jungkook lets his hips ride forward a bit, not for his own pleasure, just to let Jimin feel that he’s getting hard.
Jimin starts letting out soft moans in response to the massage, keeping his hands under the pillow.
“How’s this?” Jungkook asks, a teasing lilt to his voice.
Jimin, despite how clearly he’s enjoying Jungkook’s ministrations, says back, with a lot of sass, “It’s ok, I guess. Not sure if it makes up for you making me wait for you for hours, laying here in the cold.”
Jungkook grins, hoping that was the way he was going to answer.
“Hmmmm, you’re right, hyung. Let me think about how to really make it up to you.”
With that, Jungkook resumes massaging Jimin’s back, slowly sliding his hands down until he’s rubbing at his lower back, really digging into the muscles where his back meets his ass, knowing that it’s a spot Jimin loves. Jimin is letting out throatier groans now.
Jungkook lifts himself up and back so that he’s now resting lightly on Jimin’s upper thighs. He puts extra levredge into the muscles he’s focusing on.
Jungkook sucks in a breath and then lets his hands drag down, keeping the pressure up until he is messaging the cheeks of Jimin’s ass. Jungkook doesn’t go gentle. He pushes a bit harder, in fact, making Jimin’s body sink deeper into the mattress.
“How about now?” Jungkook asks, voice coming out a little lower with his increased arousal.
Jimin’s voice is muffled a bit by the pillow, but Jungkook notices that one of his hands is now fisted in the blanket by his head. “Hmmmm, better.”
Jungkook’s nerves start to bubble up and he decides to dive in before he loses his courage. Jimin has so much more experience than him when it comes to certain things, and each time they have tried something new, he has guided Jungkook gently, and with patience. Jungkook wants to take the initiative this time, wants Jimin to be able to just feel the pleasure.
Jungkook scoots further down the bed so that he’s laying with his knees folded under him, forcing Jimin’s feet apart. At the same time he uses his hands to spread Jimin's cheeks wide, exposing his hole. Jimin looks slightly stretched already, his hole pink, and Jungkook’s suspicions are confirmed about Jimin preparing himself in anticipation.
Jungkook feels Jimin start to lift his head and upper body, probably a little confused at the sudden course change. Jungkook keeps himself attuned to Jimn’s body in case he’s reading things wrong, but he still leans down and licks a wide, wet stripe with his tongue over Jimin’s rim.
Jimin responds instantly, hissing out a loud breath and arching his back as much as he can. “Fuck, Jungkook! Oh god, ah - yes!” -- Jungkook has leaned down for another long lick, keeping his tongue flat so it just skims over the surface -- “Ahhh, fuck. Are you sure --”
Jungkook interrupts him, already panting, “Yes, I’m sure. I mean, if you want --”
“Yes! Yes, I want.”
Jungkook doesn't need to hear anything else. He delves back down, not licking this time but pursing his lips to leave a wet kiss against Jimin’s hole. He tastes like soft, clean skin and Jungkook already can’t get enough. Not to mention Jimin is responding like crazy, the most worked up in the least amount of time that Jungkook has ever seen him.
Jungkook continues licking and kissing, not breaching the surface yet, just teasing the pink pucker of flesh. Jimin is letting out a pretty constant stream of words, mostly affirmations, punctuated by the occasional curse.
Jungkook feels his back start to cramp a little. He lets go of Jimin’s ass briefly to reach down and grip at the inside of his knees, pushing out and up, prompting Jimin to bring his knees up under him so that his ass is slightly in the air, chest and arms still pressed hard into the mattress.
Jungkook arranges himself on his knees behind him and leans back down. He can feel Jimin’s legs trembling slightly as he kisses and sucks at his hole. Feeling confident so far in the effects, Jungkook starts pressing his tongue deeper with each foray, soon breaching Jimin’s hole and letting the saliva gathering in his mouth drip down and make the slide of his tongue easier.
“Oh god, fuck! Fuck yes, Jungkook, oh god that feels-- ah, please don’t stop, please.”
Jungkook has no intention of stopping, and he can feel his own cock now fully hard, pressed rigid up against his own stomach, kept in place by the waistband of his briefs. He’s never been so turned on without even having been touched before, but the sounds Jimin is making should be illegal.
Jungkook brings his tongue back into his mouth for a quick breather, hearing the quiet whimpers Jimin makes when he pulls back for too long. Jungkook feels a rush of pride at how well he seems to be doing. He decides to try something slightly different and places the whole of his mouth over Jimin’s hole, creating a seal with his lips and sucking, hard, while pushing the flat of his tongue over and into the ring of flesh.
Jungkook feels more than sees Jimin snap his head up, bringing his arms under him so that his chest is no longer on the bed, essentially on his hands and knees now, allowing him to push himself back against Jungkook’s mouth, which he does eagerly.
“Oh god, Jungkook, Jungkook-ah, you’re going to make me come.”
Jungkook doesn't respond except to keep up the suction, using his tongue to push into the muscle of his hole and lick deep and wide.
Jungkook can feel Jimin’s legs start to tighten and he looks up a bit to see his head thrown back, his face hidden, but his back muscles working as he kneads the pillow beneath him with his hands.
Jungkook lets go of one of his cheeks, keeping his face buried intently between them as he reaches forward and grasps Jimn’s cock, hard and hanging heavy between his legs. He doesn’t pump, just presses it back against Jimin’s body and uses the levredge to push Jimin’s hole harder against his own mouth, shoving his tongue the deepest it will go.
Jimin arms collapse and he presses his face into the pillow as he lets out an alarmingly loud shout, thankfully muffled a bit by the fabric. Jimin is moving his hips now, riding Jungkook’s face as he keeps his tongue and mouth steady. As Jimin’s yell crests, Jungkook feels his hole spasm around his tongue. A few ropes of cum settle on his wrist and arm as Jimin’s orgasm shakes his body.
Jungkook lets him ride it out, keeping the pressure on both sides steady, until Jimin is whining from oversensitivity. Jungkook pulls his face away, wrapping both arms underneath and pulling Jimn’s body up so that he’s gathered in his arms, back pressing tight against his chest, holding him up as his body trembles. Jimin turns his head and eagerly seeks Jungkook’s lips. They kiss desperately for a moment until Jungkook breaks away, breathless from the kiss, but also from what he had just been doing.
“Sorry, hyung, need to breathe.”
Jimin closes his eyes and presses his face hard against Jungkook’s. “Jungkook, where did you learn to do that?” He sounds scandalized and shaky.
Jungkook blushes, which he didn’t think was possible after what he just did, but he simply says, “I’m the golden maknae?”
Jimin opens his eyes and takes in Jungkook’s face, eyes glazed and lips red from use. “Sounds about right. I can’t believe all I had to do to get you to eat my ass like there’s no tomorrow was just to wait up for you naked.”
Jungkook laughs. Even in a state of orgasmic glow, Jimin is still sassing him. “Hyung, you can have that whenever you like, just say the word.”
“Be careful what you say, Jeon Jungkook, I’m not above abusing my power to get that every night.”
Jungkook kisses him wetly on the mouth. “Gladly. Now, this time you’re going to let me see your face when you come.” Jungkook wastes no time in flipping Jimin over so his back is pressed into the mattress, bending down to continue his love making.
Jungkook makes him come twice more before he succumbs to his own pleasure. Jimin sleeps in so deep and long the next day that he has to apologize for missing not one, but two appointments with staff. Jungkook has an extra spring in his step the whole day.
Notes:
As always, I would love to hear what you think in the comments. Thanks for reading!
Chapter 3
Notes:
Ahhhhhhhh, plot begins here :) I will say that I attended the Chicago concerts in 2019 and they are near and dear to my heart so if I get a little sappy in this chapter you will just have to understand!!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
It happens in Chicago, the first shift. The shows themselves are unforgettable, both for how hard they are, and how memorable. As soon as they step foot off the plane and feel how cold it is, they are already worried. These big stadiums can get really hot, like in LA, but they can be freezing cold too. Jungkook is already thinking about how Army will have long hours waiting in the cold.
Rehearsals go pretty well once they are at the stadium. It’s cold, but as long as the rain holds off, they should be able to do the whole show. Jungkook is working with the crew on Euphoria, checking the rig at the stadium, and running through the lead up to when he’s hooked up. He had been watching Hoseok rehearse right before him, and he can see him now watching Jungkook’s rehearsal with a keen eye.
Jungkook gets a break as they get ready to rehearse his flight, so he walks over to Hobi’s side, sipping some water as he goes.
“Hey, hyung, your rehearsal go ok?”
Hoseok gives him a little smile, but Jungkook can tell he’s not totally happy. “For the most part. Although, we made a call on the water cannons. It’s just too cold.”
“I’m sorry, hyung, I know you love that part of your set.”
Hoseok gives him a lopsided smile and reaches out to ruffle his hair. “It’s not important. I just hope it doesn’t rain too much. I’m having flashbacks to Citi Field. I couldn’t even do my full routine, and that was just a slightly wet stage.”
Jungkook hasn’t seen Hosek quite this worried in a while. “Don’t worry, hyung, your stage is going to be awesome, no matter what.”
Hoseok narrows his eyes a little and seems to think about what he says next for a moment. “Ahhh, Jungkookie, it’s not my stage I’m worried about. Are you really sure you should fly?”
Oh. Hosek is worried about him. Jungkook thinks about it. He’s been over it with the director and the crew and Manager Sejin. Flying when it’s this cold won’t be pleasant, but as long as the wind doesn’t pick up too much, there shouldn’t be any real safety concerns.
Jungkook has quickly become addicted to the sensation of flying above Army, their glowing lights and faces shining up at him as he sings. He’s been in a bit of denial over the thought of maybe having to give that up for some shows, although it was always a part of what he agreed to with Bighit once he came up with the idea for his new stage.
“Hmmm. I mean, we’ve talked about it a lot and I trust the guys, they’ll tell me if it’s too windy.”
“And you’ll listen to them, right, Jungkookie?”
Jungkook gives him a smile, always bolstered by the love and doting Hoseok shows for him. “Yes, hyung, I promise. I love flying, but I don’t want to do anything that could get me injured again.” Jungkook doesn’t like thinking about last tour when he was out of commission thanks to his heel injury. It was one of the hardest times mentally since he debuted, having to sit for every show, not able to join in on the choreo, and having to watch his hyungs as they were forced to do more to make up for his absence. Going through that again is the last thing that Jungkook wants.
Hosek finally relaxes, his mouth losing the triangle shape that denotes an unhappy hyung. “Good. I think these shows are going to be a bit harder, but we’ll get through them and put on a good show for Army, no matter what. And you know they’ll be the most worried about you.”
Hosek is interrupted by Jungkook’s head angling to the side to look behind him, his eyes drawn to a familiar figure making its way from backstage. It’s Jimin, Jungkook could recognize his silhouette anywhere. He’s dressed casually in a pair of tight jeans and a long sweater, a ball cap covering his hair and pulled low over his eyes so only his nose and lips are visible. He knows Jimin has been hating the cold, worried about his throat condition.
Hoseok turns his head to see what’s distracted their maknae. Once he sees who it is, he smacks Jungkook on the back to get his attention and continues his thought from earlier. “Well, maybe there’s one other person who would be more worried than Army.” Jungkook exchanges a little smile with Hosek. Before Jimin can reach them, he’s called back by the director. Jungkook settles for a little wave in Jimin’s direction, before he’s jogging back, ready to be strapped in and go for a ride.
They get him hooked up no problem and, as he’s flying through the stadium, he does have to suck in several quick breaths to get used to the whip of the cold wind on his face. But it’s not too bad, and when the stadium is filled with their fans, it will all be worth it, like always. As he’s running through the song, making sure he feels good with his voice at these temperatures, he looks down and spots Jimin and Hoseok. It’s hard to see their expressions from so high up, but they are staring up at Jungkook and they look deep in conversation.
When Jungkook is back on the ground and unhooked, it’s hard for him to tell how Jimin is feeling, his eyes hidden under his cap and his mouth tugged down in a frown, but then he tilts his head up and gives him a huge smile. “How’s the weather up there maknae?” He has a cheeky look on his face, as if daring Jungkook to show any weakness.
Jungkook adds some bravado to his steps as he approaches the pair, puts a cocky look on his face, and says, “What? This little bit of cold? It’s nothing, just a gentle breeze.”
Jimin grins wider, showing that special twinkle of mischief he gets when he teases Jungkook. “Well then, maybe you can help me convince the guys to let me take a spin one of these days?”
“Aww, hyung, you know I can’t do that. You’re so light you’ll fly off like a leaf in the breeze.”
Jungkook narrowly dodges the smack Jimin aims at his chest and soon they’re playing a game of almost-tag as Jungkook keeps teasing, the way he knows Jimin secretly (or not so secretly, really) loves.
Hoseok chuckles at their antics, but soon his mouth is doing his little triangle frown again, and Jungkook wonders for a minute what he and Jimin were talking about. He soon forgets about it in the shuffle of more rehearsals and technical run throughs.
The first show goes really well, despite the cold. The rain stops before the concert begins and holds off until after their encore. It’s bitterly cold, but they work extra hard to keep their energy up, and Army keeps it up with them, singing and dancing for three hours, keeping the blood pumping and the screams loud. The hours fly by, and while the boys feel the cold, they also don’t, because the stadium is filled with so much love. Jungkook can’t help but giggle when Jimin threatens the stadium adorably to not dare to get a cold.
After the show, they have a meet up with their dongsaengs TXT for a taping for their reality show, and while they play up their enthusiasm a bit for the cameras, they are truly always super amped after a show, and any excuse to put off the come down that a quiet hotel room denotes is a welcome one. They do quickly head back to their rooms after to get truly warmed up and drink some extra supplements and teas to keep their voices in good condition.
Jungkook is so exhausted by the time his head hits his pillow that he forgets to text Jimin goodnight. He wakes up the next day to several adorable selfies of Jimin in bed pretending to pout because Jungkook already fell asleep. Jungkook knows Jimin isn't actually put out, they often make it into a little competition: which one can stay awake long enough to send the other a good night message. And this time Jimin has won, which Jungkook knows he will gloat over.
Rehearsals for day two go ok, and soundcheck is good too as the rain holds off. But shortly before the show, it starts coming down pretty steadily. As they get their hair and makeup done, they are a little more subdued than normal, worrying about doing an entire concert in the rain. The forecast doesn’t look like it’s going to let up anytime soon.
After he gets into his Dionysus costume, Jungkook heads towards the group of couches they have set up for the team’s pre-show script run throughs, where they remind each other of any improvements they need to make, or talk through any last minute plans for adjustments.
“Hey, Jungkook, hold on a minute.”
Jungkook turns, seeing the director and the tech lead for the venue jogging toward him and he pauses, thinking that this can’t be good.
“Jungkook, sorry to do this, but we’ve got to make a call now about your set. We can’t be sure, but we’re worried about the wind picking up more, and that combined with the rain, we just don’t want to take any chances.”
Jungkook notices Manager Sejin nearby, pretending not to listen.
Jungkook sighs. He really wants to do his usual set. Every Army who buys a ticket deserves to see the best show, and there will be so many that are coming tonight that won’t be able to see any other tour date. They’ve already stood for hours in the cold and rain and flew from all over the world. He sets his jaw and says, “A little rain won’t make it dangerous, will it? I’ll just get a little wetter, which, at that point, what does it matter, I’ll be fine.”
He notices Manager Sejin head over at that. Oh, crap.
“Really, I thought we got the safest rig just for this reason, to make everyone feel better about me doing this every single night.”
The director frowns, not used to getting push back from any of the guys about safety concerns. Jungkook is feeling extra stubborn.
Manager Sejin reaches his side and lays his hand on his shoulder. “Jungkook. We all talked it through earlier today and we agreed that Direction Kim would have the final call. We don’t want to do that, we want to make this decision with you, together ….. But …”
He says it gently, politely, the way Sejin always does. He leads by quiet example and with gentle persuasion, it’s why he’s always been their favourite. But for some reason, Jungkook flashes back to last tour, when he was prevented from giving his best at every show, and he just knows he’s going to feel that way again when he can’t give the Euphoria performance he knows he can.
He puffs out a breath and prepares to argue again. Surely there’s a compromise which means he can still fly. But then he flicks a quick glance over to the bank of couches. The other members are there and he realizes, disconcertingly, they are all staring over at Jungkook, clearly having figured out what the conversation is about.
Taehyung, Namjoon, and Jin at least look a little ashamed at being caught, quickly looking down at their scripts or pretending to be otherwise occupied. The worry trio, however, have no shame and keep staring. Yoongi’s face is carefully blank, but Hobi’s small mouth is twisted down in his trademark frown. Jungkook can practically hear the scolding he is already preparing in his head. His eyes slide over to Jimin, and his expression actually makes Jungkook suck in a breath.
He looks angry, really angry. There’s a reason that Bangtan have always named him as one of the scariest when mad, and that reason still holds true. Jimin is intensely protective, and when he feels something he cares about is being jeopardized, in any way, his instincts are activated, and his usual happy and playful demeanor changes into fierce determination. Jungkook has only had his true anger directed at himself a few times over the years, and it is truly something to behold, and always prompted immediate and heartfelt apologies.
Jungkook feels like a wave of cold water has washed over him, dampening his own stubborn determination. There’s no way they’re going to let him fly, he just has to accept it, and deal with the disappointment.
He looks back at the trio of men waiting for his response and he sighs. “Ok, Director-nim, Manager-nim, you’re right, I’m sorry, I’m just disappointed, but that doesn’t matter. Safety first.” They all nod eagerly and Sejin gives him another pat on the shoulder, meant to be comforting this time.
Jungkook bows another apology to the group of men and then slowly walks toward the bank of couches. He doesn’t meet anyone’s eyes, just grabs a script from the pile on the table and sits in one of the free chairs. He knows he has to deal with his own disappointment, but that doesn't mean he has to share it with his hyungs. He feels too freshly bruised to do that, so he just stays quiet through the rest of the pre-meeting, nodding and responding when he needs to, but clearly sulking.
He also can’t deal with whatever is going on with Jimin. They’re about to do a show, and they need to be focused on doing the best job they can. Jungkook knows it might make him angrier that he’s not even meeting his eyes, but he can’t help it. He’ll deal with it after the show.
He stretches and warms his voice up, and starts to hype himself up during their pre-show routine, participating in the huddle enthusiastically.
It’s an adjustment at first, the cold and rain creating an extra layer of difficulty, but they keep their energy up and do a decent job of the first two songs. Once they have a moment after Not Today to catch their breath and drink some water, Jungkook gets a better look at Army and even though he feels a twinge of worry, he also can't help smiling hugely because they just look so insanely cute! They’re all bundled up in jackets and hats, wearing brightly coloured ponchos, all topped with a sea of BT21 headbands. They are adorable, and he laughs, feeling his disappointment scatter in the face of their affection.
He looks at his hyungs, seeing his amusement mirrored in their eyes as they take in their surroundings. He feels immensely better about the night, even given that he’ll be grounded during Euphoria. He makes sure to make eye contact with Jimin, grinning widely and trying to communicate that he’s sorry for his earlier sulkiness. Jimin, caught up in the endorphins of a live show, grins back and they go into their introduction ments.
The rest of the show is actually kind of epic. Every time they rush backstage, quickly getting toweled off and warmed up, the assistant directors keep telling them how well they’re doing and that the rain is making their stages seem a little legendary.
It makes Jungkook feel good, and since he can’t fly during Euphoria, he concentrates on his voice and on making as much eye contact as he can. He feels just as much love as when he’s flying through the air.
They make it through the show with no accidents, and the poncho-garbed Army seems just as hype as every other night. Jungkook and Yoongi even do some rain dancing, splashing in big puddles to the roars of the crowd and, although he can’t understand it all, Namjoon gives an epic speech about them being blessed by the god of rain.
It’s an amazing night, an unforgettable night. When they finish the encore, Jungkook is bursting with emotion, and he quickly catches up to Jimin as they make their way back to change and go home. He jumps on his back a little, wanting to show him without words that he hopes they are ok.
“Oof. Oh, Jungkookie! The water dancer!” Jimin lets out a giggle and looks like he’s going to say more, but then the fireworks are exploding above them in cacophonous beauty.
They both pause and look up at the sky. This part never gets old, it seems.
Jimin, ever vigilant memory squirrel that he is, is quickly slipping his phone out of his pocket. “Come on, let’s film a video for Army, they went through a lot tonight to cheer for us.”
He aims the phone at their faces first as they look up, fireworks reflected in their eyes. They yell about how much they love Army, and Jimin flips the phone to catch the fireworks, lifting his other arm up in a wave, and then a finger heart.
He stops recording and lifts his hand to his neck, rubbing and wincing a bit. Jungkook notices quickly.
“Oh, hyung, is your neck thing bothering you?” Jimin’s neck pain can flare up quite a bit on tour with the constant strain of dancing.
“Yeah, I could feel it flaring up at the end there.”
They walk quickly back to the staging area where they can change back into their street clothes. Jungkook makes eye contact with one of the physical trainers as they enter the room. He is Jungkook’s favourite, and they spend a lot of time together working out any muscle issues he has. He makes what he hopes is a subtle gesture towards Jimin and raises his own hand to rub at the back of his neck.
Jimin is always careful, but he can be as stubborn as Jungkook, and he often tries to deal with any issue on his own first. His neck pain is no joke, it even prevented him from performing on one of the UK late night shows during tour last year. Jimin beat himself up quite a bit over that one, especially since Jungkook was injured too.
Jungkook knows he’s being a little over protective and a tad nosy, but he doesn’t care. He just wants to make sure Jimin gets what he needs. The trainer takes the hint easily, walking up behind Jimin where he’s sitting in front of his mirror, taking off his accessories. Jungkook walks to his own mirror, but can see the trainer talking to Jimin and then starting to rub at his neck and upper back.
By the time Jungkook is ready to head back to the hotel, he can see Jimin is still being worked on. He heads over and stands for a few minutes behind the two men, watching Jimin’s face scrunch as he works through the pain of having his muscles worked on. Jimin finally notices him in the mirror.
“Ahhh, Jungkook-ah, don’t wait for me. Get back to the hotel, get warm. You have to take care of yourself after the cold and wet.”
Jungkook, like he does about five thousand times a day, wishes he could just talk openly with Jimin. He wants to tell him he’s sorry he’s hurting, and that he’ll give him his own personal massage later in the hotel room. That he’ll miss him even in the short time they’ll be separated between now and then.
Instead, he gives him a sympathetic smile, and says “Sure, hyung. See you later,” and heads off to the car. He types out a text message as he goes, saying what he really wants to say
Jungkook
Sorry your neck is hurting hyung, looks like it was a bit rough. Text me when you get to your hotel room? I think you should take a hot bath. It’ll help with the cold and your muscles.
Jimin-hyung
Thanks Jungkookie. You too. Have a bath I mean. Maybe by the time I get to mine you’ll be done and you can head over.
Jungkook hurries to the car, a plan already forming in his head.
_____________
Back at the hotel, Jungkook does have a hot shower, turning the heat up all the way so he can try to blaze the chill in his bones out. He makes it fast, but still feels warm and boneless when he gets out, all the conflicting feelings from earlier in the day wiped away with the bright eraser of the concert.
He quickly towel dries his hair and puts on some comfy clothes, before grabbing the keys to both Jimin and his rooms and rushing over to Jimin’s. He knocks quietly on the door. When he hears no response, he smiles, and lets himself in.
He quickly goes into the bathroom and starts drawing a hot bath. He finds a candle in the other room and lights it in the bathroom (after checking that it’s a scent that Jimin will like). He lets the bath fill up before checking the temperature and sitting on the toilet, scrolling through his feeds and waiting for Jimin. He sees that both Taehyung and Hobi have already posted thank you tweets for Army, expressing their deep gratitude for the devotion of their fans.
Soon he hears the door click open and he quickly calls out so he doesn’t startle Jimin.
“Hey hyung, it’s Jungkook! I’m in here.”
Jimin makes a little surprised noise but walks immediately to the bathroom. When he sees the bath drawn and the candle lit with Jungkook looking soft and a little shy, his face crumples into a huge smile, eyes slowly disappearing.
“Jungkookieeeee, did you make a bath for hyung?”
Jungkook looks even shyer at that, unsure what to say that won’t be hugely corny and get him teased. “Sorry, I hope it wasn’t too presumptuous, I just thought you’d be sore—”
Jimin giggles and then shushes him. “No, this is like the best thing I’ve ever seen. My neck hurts like hell and this is exactly what I need. Actually, can you help me …” And he starts pulling at the hem of his shirt.
Jungkook leaps up to help him lift his shirt, trying to get it off while allowing Jimin to keep his arms as low as possible. He seems to be having issues raising them above his neck without pain.
He quickly slides off his sweats and underwear too, unabashed to be naked in front of Jungkook. He slips quickly into the bath, groaning loudly as he lowers his body into the steaming hot water.
“Ahhhhhhhh, that feels so good. Especially after all that rain! Can you believe it? I thought it went really well though, don’t you?”
Jungkook settles back on the toilet, keeping his eyes on Jimin’s face so he doesn’t feel self conscious. They chat about the concert and how great it was despite the rain. They laugh pretty hard about one couple of girls, bundled up to their necks and covered in rain gear, who practically fell over when Hobi did his usual Bapsae routine.
“I hope they don’t get sick,” Jimin says softly.
“Hyung, there were over 80,000 of them, some of them will probably get sick, but they’ll be ok. You focus on not getting sick. Is the hot water helping?”
“Sooo much. I can feel the pain getting better.” But it seems Jimin spoke a little too soon because he reaches his hand up to run it through his still-dry hair, winces a little in pain, and drops it back down into the water. “Oof, ok, maybe not totally better, but getting there.”
Jungkook smiles and thinks of something, but he hesitates. He’s not sure if they’re there yet for this level of intimacy, he’s not sure what “there” looks like, but he speaks up anyway.
“Hyung? Can I help? I could wash your hair for you … if you can’t ...” He ends lamely. He doesn’t know why he feels so nervous, he’s literally been inside Jimin, but this feels like a bigger step somehow.
Jimin narrows his eyes a little and Jungkook’s stomach swoops, but then his face crinkles into a smile and he says, “Sure, Jungkookie, but if you get shampoo in my eyes I will cry like a baby.”
Jungkook giggles and says, “Deal.”
He grabs the shampoo from the counter and kneels behind Jimin. The hotel is a nice one so the bath is freestanding. He thinks better for both of them if he can’t see Jimin’s face while he does this.
As they keep chatting about small things, Jungkook wets Jimin’s hair and slowly starts massaging the citrus-smelling shampoo, something Jimin has brought from Korea, into his scalp.
Eventually, Jimin quiets, clearly enjoying the sensation of Jungkook massaging his head. Jungkook decides to take his time with it, letting his nails dig in a little bit as he keeps moving his hands through Jimin’s hair, long past the need for actually getting it clean.
Jimin lets out a soft sigh and sinks a little deeper into the water. Jungkook cups his hands and starts rinsing the shampoo out slowly with handfuls of water, careful not to let any of it rinse down into his eyes. Jungkook isn’t sure if it's the scent of the candle, or the warm water, or the fact that Jimin is trusting him in a very vulnerable state that makes Jungkook start talking about what happened earlier, but he does. He could just let it be, but he wants to offer some vulnerability of his own in exchange.
“I’m sorry, hyung, if you were mad at me earlier. It was stupid of me to try to argue with the managers about my set. I could tell you were … unhappy with me.”
Jimin sighs and tries to turn a bit to look at Jungkook, but his sore neck stops him, and Jungkook takes the easy way out and continues to run water through Jimin’s hair, watching as the suds drip down his neck and shoulders until they hit the water.
“Jungkookie … I wasn’t angry … ok, maybe I was a little angry. But more so because I was worried. The thought of you going up there in the wind and rain, it made me unbelievably anxious. And the fact that you weren’t thinking about your safety and… Well, quite frankly, this might be a little selfish of me, but the fact that you weren’t thinking about how I would feel, I guess I was getting a little pre-maturely angry at that thought, but you probably weren’t thinking about me at all, right?”
Jungkook freezes, his hands under the water. “Hyung! I’m always thinking about you … I --”
“No, sorry, I didn’t mean it that way. I’ve just been thinking about my reaction and how it wasn’t fair to be mad because I’m sure you were thinking about Army and how much they deserved to see a full show.” Jimin does twist around a bit at that, finally looking at Jungkook’s face. “Am I right?”
Jungkook just nods. He sometimes forgets how well Jimin knows him.
Jimin sighs again. “And that’s ok, Kookie, I’m just glad that you realized your safety is the most important thing. Even if you were a little bit of a brat about it, sulking during the pre-show meeting.” Jimin is smirking playfully at that last piece, and Jungkook leans into it.
“Hey, hyung, I’m not a brat.” He says with an exaggerated pout.
Jimin actually reaches up and grabs his lips. “This pout would disagree, just proving my point.” Jimin lets out a puff of breath and says, “Cutest brat I ever saw,” before smiling and turning back to face forwards.
Jungkook giggles and says, “Ok, well, I’m glad you aren’t mad anymore. Also, I’m glad just the look on your face made me scared enough to snap out of it -- hey!” Jungkook exclaims as Jimin uses his wet hands to flick water into Jungkook’s face.
“I am not scary when I’m angry, I don’t care what any of you say. I’m an adorable fairy, cutie, sexy, lovely and that’s that!” Jungkook laughs and wipes his face off with his sleeve. He thinks about retaliating but instead grabs the conditioner, squirting a big dollop of it into Jimin’s hair and giving him a horrifically tall mohawk instead.
Jimin keeps playfully swatting at his hands, which is getting in the way of his hair styling, but also makes Jungkook realize Jimin must be feeling better, so he allows it.
He does convince Jimin to let him take a selfie of them with the mohawk still intact. Jungkook makes a goofy face so Jimin doesn’t feel silly on his own and then he immediately saves it to his secret folder and deletes it from his recently taken folder. He knows they pay a lot of money for an insane amount of encryption on their phones, but he still doesn’t like to take any chances.
Jimin sinks down into the bath, immersing his head to let the conditioner wash away. When he emerges, Jungkook can’t resist, he stands up and rests his knees on the lip of the tub behind Jimin’s head, leaning all the way over so that he can surprise Jimin with an upside down kiss before he can get his eyes back open.
Jimin is surprised, letting out a soft “oh” sound into Jungkook’s mouth before he’s responding, and they share a soft and wet kiss as Jungkook cups Jimin’s head with both hands. He pulls away after not too long, not wanting to aggravate Jimin’s neck.
Jimin giggles and says, “Ok Spiderman, very smooth.”
Jungkook laughs and then moves toward the door, knowing Jimin will probably want some privacy to wash up the rest of the way. As he is slipping out, Jimin calls after him, “And don’t think I haven’t seen some of those ‘Spiderkook’ edits online! We will be looking into costume rentals back in Korea!” Jungkook knows Jimin is probably joking, but he kind of secretly hopes he isn’t, and he can feel his ears turning bright red.
After he leaves Jimin alone to wash up, he snuggles deep into Jimin’s bed, idly scrolling through his phone. He spies on Army for a bit to see their reaction to the concert, and, although he doesn’t understand much of the english humour and nuance, he sees a lot of skull emojis, which he knows is a very good thing.
Jimin emerges from the steamy bathroom ten minutes later, still naked, to Jungkook’s delight. He can’t help but blush a little, but he also loves the feeling of normalcy from seeing Jimin walk around naked as he towel dries his hair and gathers up some clothes to sleep in. They aren’t likely to do anything tonight given Jimin’s flare up, and just seeing Jimin trust him with this in a non sexual setting fills Jungkook with a good feeling. Like this is their new normal. Plus, he gets to look at Park Jimin’s ass, total bonus.
Jimin soon flops down beside him, pulling Jungkook’s arm around his shoulders before settling in to poke at his own phone, deeply engrossed in several messages and notifications. He’s silent for several minutes before he says, “Oh look! Taehyungie and Hobi-hyung posted! Oh, so nice! Hey we should post that video I took, it turned out good I think.”
Jimin shifts his phone so that they can both watch the video. Jungkook smiles at how starry eyed they look, high off the adrenaline of the concert. It’s a great video, perfect even.
Jimin types out a quick caption, adding his customary hashtag and shows it to Jungkook for a second opinion before clicking post. They watch the likes and comments go crazy for a second before Jimin clicks his screen off. Better not to look too closely, better for their mental health just to imagine the positive reactions, which they do, snuggled up together and talking softly.
Jungook thinks they might drift off soon, but suddenly Jimn’s phone rings. Jimin’s face immediately lights up like the sun, crying, “It’s my appa!”
Jungkook knows his dad has been trying to catch him for a few days, so he gestures for Jimin to pick it up. He shifts out of the bed, planning to sleep in his own room with this change of plans. He knows Jimin will want to talk to his dad for quite a while, and Jungkook wants to give him his privacy.
He gathers up his things, but Jimin has already put his dad on speaker, planning to snuggle in for a long gab, so he hears the first little bit.
“Hi appa!!”
“Hello my lovely son, did I catch you at a good time?
“Yes appa, perfect timing. I’m all washed up after the concert and I’m not one bit sleepy.”
“Ahhh good, son, I’m glad. Your mother is just running some errands but I’m sure she’ll be back in time to say hello before you go. Remind me which city today?”
“Chicago! It was amazing! It was cold and rainy but the crowd was just as excited as they usually are! And they looked so cute, appa, you should have seen, all bundled up and in all these brightly coloured ponchos. I wish you could’ve seen.”
“Ahh, Jimin-ah, you paint such a good picture with your words. You sound happy, son.”
Jimin’s eyes flick up to Jungkook’s as he’s headed to the door. Jungkook pauses.
“I am, appa. I’m really, really happy.” And he smiles so big at Jungkook, who can’t help but scrunch his face up in return, light blush spreading across his cheeks at all the implications of Jimin’s words. He slips out to head back to his room and he feels like he has a glowing spark in his chest. The warmth follows him down into his dreams
--------------------------------------------------
Jimin sighs happily. He’s snuggled down in bed, phone resting on his chest, hands behind his head on the pillow, chatting away with his appa. It’s been a while since they’ve had the right timing to have a really long talk, and it feels so good to hear the quiet rumble of his dad’s voice coming through the phone.
They talk mostly about small things. How his younger brother is doing, what is keeping his mom occupied now in retirement. Jimin shares a little of the joys and hardships of the tour, but he doesn’t like to worry his parents, especially when he’s overseas, so he keeps it light. Which isn’t hard actually, because, as he’s talking, he starts to realize how ridiculously happy he’s been over the last few weeks.
It seems his appa notices too.
“So Jimin-ah, any more news to tell your old appa?”
“Hmmmmm, no I don’t think so, I think I covered everything.”
His dad clears his throat a little then and stays silent.
Jimin feels his face warm up a bit as he thinks about the fact that he is technically lying to his appa. He rubs his nose self consciously, not totally registering that of course his appa can’t see him.
He is saved by his eomma arriving home. Jimin can hear her exclaim happily when she hears that he’s on the phone, and she promptly takes over the conversation. He catches up quickly with her before claiming tiredness and saying goodnight. He turns off the light at the side of the bed and snuggles under the blankets deeper, ready to fall asleep after a long, exhausting day.
But he can’t turn his brain off, and his thoughts keep drifting back to what his appa asked him.
He could say something to his appa, about Jungkook. But he just doesn’t know if he’s ready. His appa and eomma have known for a very long time that he’s gay. It wasn’t always easy. They love him unconditionally, but his eomma in particular struggled with the fact that Jimin would have a hard time in his life as a result. She was scared for him, and, to Jimin, that is understandable. He’s scared for himself sometimes.
He hasn’t tended to share a lot about his romantic life over the years with his appa, even though they talk about almost everything else, but that’s not because his appa wouldn’t want to hear about it. In fact, both him and his eomma ask every once in a while if he’s met somebody. It’s just that the subject is just so …. sad. He hadn’t been able to really form long term or genuine connections, not with his career. He always answers in the negative and reassures them that he’s happy anyway.
One time, excruciatingly awkwardly, his appa asked him if he was being safe. Remembering the conversation, Jimin winces as if he is experiencing it again for the first time again. He had gone on and on about how he was being carefull not to push himself too hard, how he was stretching before hand, and cooling down afterwards, until he realized with a growing horror that his father was asking him about sex.
He quickly made it clear that he was talking about dancing and injuries and his appa didn’t push the question further.
But he knows his parents are eagerly awaiting the day when he’ll find happiness that way. They are so proud of him, he knows that. He’s done more already than they could ever have dreamed of. But to his parents, whose main happiness in life has been each other and their family, he knows they think he is missing out on something really important.
If Jimin is being honest with himself, he thinks his parents would be ecstatic if they knew he had found something with one of his band mates. They love them all almost like they are their own children. They’ve heard Jimin talk about them all so much that his appa often asks questions about them, following up on a throw away comment that Jimin made weeks or months ago. They would trust any of them with their son’s heart.
They had even asked once, about Tae, maybe because Jimin had used the word soulmate about five thousand times in one conversation, and Jimin had to let them down easy.
But still, something more is making Jimin hesitate to confide his new relationship, and he’s not entirely sure what. Yes, it’s new. Yes, he is enjoying this little bubble they have created for themselves, ignoring the larger implications of what this might mean so they can see what they truly have together.
For some reason, Jimin’s mind bends in another direction as he struggles towards sleep, to a conversation he had with his appa, a very, very long time ago. It was shortly after they debuted, when they were still very much struggling, living in a one bedroom dorm and uncertain if they or the company would even survive the next few years.
His appa, ever observant, had noticed how Jungkook was struggling to come out of his shell.
Jimin remembers it vividly. He had been sitting in one of the dance studios, sweat making his hair stick to his forehead, clad in only shorts and a tank top. He was panting, leaning against the mirror, and feeling annoyed with himself. Annoyed that he couldn’t quite get this move right, annoyed that he had fought with Tae again earlier in the day, annoyed that Namjoon had done his leader thing and scolded them both a little about teamwork and also just keeping their voices down.
A call had come through and he had struggled to get his phone out of his bag in time, so he wasn’t in the best mood when his appa started in about Jungkook after a few minutes of small talk, about how he had noticed he was very shy in interviews and didn’t respond well to affection sometimes. He had been talking for a few minutes before Jimin interrupted, frustrated and confused.
“Appa, what does all of this have to do with me? Why are you even paying such close attention to Jungkook?” Jimin immediately regretted the words, never really one to say anything in disagreement with his father. But he was just so tired and he didn’t get why this is one more thing he has to deal with.
“Jimin, really.” Jimin gulped. That was not a good tone.
His father continued, voice disapproving, ”I’m surprised by you. You have no idea why I’m talking to you about this?”
Jimin knew he was missing something and that he shouldn’t talk like that to his appa, but he still felt sulky, so he quietly said, “No, I don’t understand.” A little Sartoori whine made its way into his voice.
His appa sighed. “Jimin, you are his hyung. I know that the group has other leaders, other boys who will also serve as an example. But you are his closest hyung in age, he’s going to look to you as an example of how he should act. He’s going to look at you to help figure out what kind of man he should be. You are a part of this group now. You are going to, god willing, spend a good chunk of your life with them, working with them, living with them. You have a responsibility, just like you did at home, to lead and be a good person. You should be thinking about how to help him. I promise you son, it will help you too.”
Jimin had felt a tear slip down his face, and all his earlier surliness disappeared in a little wave of shame. He very rarely got scolded by his appa, but he knew what his father was saying was true. He had a responsibility and he needed to fulfill it. Not only that, he only had Jungkook as a dongsaeng to help take care of. The rest of his hyungs had so many more younger than themselves to look out for. He shouldn’t have viewed it as a burden.
He drew in a deep breath. “You’re right, appa, I’m sorry. I’ll think more about how I can help him be more comfortable. Do you … do you have any advice for me?”
It turned out he had lots of advice and Jimin settled into the familiar feeling of his father’s reassuring voice.
Jimin tosses and turns in bed as the memory washes over him in vivid detail. He doesn't understand why his brain is throwing this at him now of all times. That was so long ago, before he and Jungkook were close. Their relationship had evolved a thousand times before even this latest development. But for some reason, it sticks with him, repeating in his head, and he continues to move restlessly as he slips into a shallow and troubled sleep.
_________________
The next day, Jungkook wakes up in the best mood. He remembers the way that Jimin had smiled at him while talking to his dad and he feels a renewed sense of excitement. He jumps out of bed and immediately does a hundred push ups, feeling the need to get his blood pumping right away.
He heads to the gym next, keeping an eye on the time because he, Jimin, and Tae are going to go to a few shops they researched in Chicago. He’s looking forward to a day out with them. Despite Jimin and Jungkook dating, they are still very much the three musketeers.
Later, he hears his phone start buzzing while he’s taking a shower, and figures it’s his hyungs figuring out when to head out. Once he’s out of the shower, he wraps a towel around his waist as he leans forward to see his phone on the bathroom counter. It is a message, but rather than in the group chat with Tae, it’s from Jimin direct to himself.
Jimin-hyung
Sorry Kookie. I’m feeling a little under the weather. Must be from the rain last night. I’m going to just stay in, get as much sleep as I can
Jungkook furrows his brow. He doesn’t like the idea of Jimin getting sick so early in the tour. He quickly composes a message back
Jungkook
Sorry to hear that hyung! Get lots of sleep. Can I bring you anything?
Jimin-hyung
No, thanks!
I’ve already got room service on the way.
Go, have fun with Tae, I already let him know it’ll just be you two.
Jungkook
Ok, rest up, maybe we can grab dinner later? I’d be up for eating some room service in bed.
Jimin-hyung
Text me when you’re headed back.
Jungkook
Ok hyung. Sweet dreams
Jungkook feels a little disappointed, but he shakes it off. Jimin can’t help if he’s not feeling well, and they have to be very careful not to let even small colds develop into something worse. He texts Tae and finishes getting ready, picking out his usual outfit of sweats and a baggy black sweater, remembering to grab a hat and mask so they can try to be as inconspicuous as possible.
When he sees Taehyung down in the lobby, he realizes his efforts were probably for nothing. Taehyung is dressed in his usual style as well. A pair of loose brown slacks topped with a very stylish Gucci belt, a buttoned shirt and green vest about two sizes too big for him. He’s also wearing a hat and mask, but Jungkook thinks that any Army would be able to spot him from a mile away. Actually, come to think of it, they would probably clock him in a second too.
Jungkook quickly forgets about any worries about getting spotted as Taehyung and he get driven around the city from shop to shop. They both find a few things they like and shoot the shit while they drop some cash.
It’s not until they’re on their way back to the hotel three hours later that they get into anything deep.
Taehyung is telling him a story about a night out with his Wooga squad, Jungkook laughing along. Taehyung is an incredible storyteller when he’s not feeling self conscious.
“Do you miss them?” Jungkook asks, curious about it. He has friends outside of Bangtan too, he’s close with his group of 97 liners, and their extended social group makes up his social life, but Taehyung has a bond with his actor friends that is more like the bond Bangtan has, forged under the fire of shared passion and hard work.
Taehyung looks far away for a bit. “Yeah, I miss them when we tour. But you know me. I miss everything about home. I guess what I also kind of miss is me.”
Jungkook, who had been looking out the window at the traffic surrounding them, turns to look at Taehyung at that point. “You? What do you mean?”
“The me that I am when I’m with them.”
“The you that … Sorry, I don’t understand, you’re not you when you’re with them?”
Taehyung laughs. “No, I’m me, I’m just a slightly different sort of me … It’s hard to explain, but you must know what I mean. You’re different depending on who you’re with, aren’t you? Like how you are with Jiminie, when it’s just the two of you.”
Jungkook thinks about the special little bubble he exists in when he’s alone with Jimin, and he thinks he gets what Taehyung is saying. “Yeah, yeah I get it.” He thinks for a minute. Taehyung lets the silence spin out, giving Jungkook time to think. Jungkook loves that about him.
“Do you … is there a certain version of yourself you like best?”
Taehyung seems like he’s really thinking about it. “I think that changes all the time too.”
“Then … then how do you know which is the real you?”
Taehyung looks at Jungkook a little sharply at that. “They’re all the real me. No one part of my life is enough to make me a whole person. I have to rely on all those people, all those parts, to be me.”
Jungkook nods, not sure what to say to that. He loves this about spending time with Taehyung. It’s something a lot of people misunderstand about him, thinking that what he’s saying is nonsense or that he’s a bit spacey. But the truth is, if you really listen to what he’s saying, you always come away with something profound to think about.
Taehyung surprises him with his next question. “How are things going with you and Jimin?”
“What do you mean, don’t you know? I know Jimin tells you everything.”
Taehyung smiles, a little smug. “Yeah, he does … but I want to know what you think.”
Jungkook blushes a bit, sliding his eyes down to his lap. “I think they’re going good … really good.” His smile gets bigger as he looks back at Taehyung. “Really really good.”
Taehyung’s boxy smile spreads across his face, and he reaches over and tousles Jungkook’s hair. “Good. You guys match.”
“Match?” Jungkook asks.
“Yeah. Ridiculously sappy smiles whenever you talk about each other.”
Jungkook smiles wider, tickled at the idea of Jimin talking about him like that with Taehyung.
“Hey, Jungkook.”
“Yeah, hyung?”
“I know Jimin and I, we tell each other everything. But … if you ever need someone to talk to. Even about Jimin, you can talk to me.”
Jungkook is a little confused, but he decides to just agree. “Ok, hyung. Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind.”
They’re getting closer to the hotel, so Jungkook takes his phone out and texts Jimin.
Jungkook
Hey hyung, how are you feeling? We’re almost back at the hotel.
Jungkook doesn’t hear anything back from Jimin by the time they get back, so he figures Jimin is still sleeping. He works on some music and then does some drawing in his room, checking his phone every so often, but soon it’s eight oclock and he hasn’t heard from him.
He’s a little worried, so he heads over to Jimin’s room, knocking quietly and then letting himself in when he hears nothing. But Jimin isn’t inside. The bed is neatly made, indicating that he’s been gone long enough for housekeeping to come by.
Jungkook heads back to his room, dialing Jimin’s number as he goes. The call rings until voicemail picks up. Jungkook is back in his room by the time he thinks to text Tae.
Jungkook
Hey hyung. Have you heard from Jimin?
Taehyungie
Yeah, we were just texting. He’s out to dinner with Hobi-hyung.
Jungkook feels a little sting of surprise.
Jungkook
Ok, thanks hyung!
Taehyungie
Everything ok?
Jungkook
Yup! Night hyung.
Taehyungie
Night Kookie. New York tomorrow!
Jungkook
(celebration emoji)
Jungkook is a little confused, but he tells himself not to overreact. Jimin wouldn’t purposely ignore him. Would he?
Jungkook shakes it off and orders some room service, no need to wait now that he knows Jimin won’t want to eat with him.
He scarfs his food down while watching some drawing tutorials, still hoping every once in a while to be interrupted by a notification from Jimin. He isn’t. He falls asleep still clothed and when he wakes in the morning, a bit bleary and feeling gross, he quickly grabs his phone from beside his pillow.
There’s finally a text from Jimin. It’s five words long.
Jimin-hyung
Sorry Kook-ah, missed your call.
Not the response he was expecting. Jungkook quickly types out a message back.
Jungkook
That’s ok hyung, was just wanting to know if you were feeling better. Which I guess you were if you went out with Hobi-hyung. Ride over to the airport with me?
He presses send and shakes off the weird feeling of lingering unease. He jumps in the shower and then packs. They have to be at the airport soon, and he doesn’t hear back from Jimin by the time they’re due down at the cars.
He joins Seokjn, Namjoon and Yoongi by the entrance to the hotel, all of them clad in comfy travelling clothes. Yoongi looks quite zombie-esque and Seokjin is clutching his ever present RJ. They’re all a bit quiet, bracing themselves for more travel. At least it’s a short flight this time.
One of the managers joins them from the reception desk, having just checked them out.
“Alright, shall we head out?”
Jungkook is confused. “Huh? What about the others?”
“Already on their way in the other car.”
“Oh.” He tries to hide his disappointment and hops in the van, quickly joined by his hyungs. The car is quiet on the way to the airport and Jungkook tries to calm his racing brain. Did he do something wrong the other night? He thinks through each interaction with Jimin, but he can’t find any red flags. He thought they had taken another step forward. But this radio silence from Jimin when they were usually attached at the hip feels like some kind of message.
He looks again at his phone. His message back to Jimin glares back up at him. Usually Jimin is very good at picking up his emotional cues, even through text. He thought it was clear he was worried about how Jimin is feeling. It’s not like him to leave him wondering.
Once they arrive at the airport, they’re ushered to the private entrance and, after going through security and checking in, they walk across the tarmac to their private plane.
Jungkook follows his hyungs up the stairs and walks through to the cluster of seats. Taehyung is already snuggled in under a blanket sitting up in one of the chairs. Jungkook’s eyes zero in on Jimin. He’s taken the one lay down spot on the plane and he’s curled up on his side, mask on and beanie pulled low on his face, bits of hair sticking out. His eyes are closed.
Jungkook’s instinct is to go to his side but Hobi is seated in the spot next to him.
Hoseok locks eyes with him. He’s got a look on his face that Jungkook can’t interpret. He feels a little strange but he quickly slides into the spot across from Hobi.
He whispers so as not to wake Jimin if he’s really sleeping. “Is he ok? He told me yesterday he wasn’t feeling well.”
Hoseok eyes flick to the left of Jungkook’s face then back. “Yeah, he’s ok, just a little under the weather from the concerts, I think.”
Jungkook frowns. What is going on? Hoseok can’t keep eye contact with him. Jungkook knows from over the years that Hoseok is shit at lying and that’s usually one of his tells. Is he lying to him?
Jungkook looks at Jimin again. He does look a little pale, and the fact that he seems to be fast asleep with all the bustle and noise of the guys settling into the airplane does indicate that he’s truly not feeling well.
Jungkook decides there’s no point in worrying more until he can talk to Jimin, which will clearly be after this plane ride, so he settles in and gets his airpods out, turning on some music and determined to sleep the flight away. He sleeps fitfully once they take off and he’s jolted awake by some turbulence as they descend over New York.
He stretches and looks around, sees that most of the guys are still asleep. Hobi is slumped in the seat across from him, mouth hanging open as he sleeps. Jungkook looks over at Jimin and sees him sitting up, face close to the window as he gazes down at the scenery. Jungkook reaches over and puts his hand on his knee, getting his attention.
Jimin startles slightly and then relaxes when he looks over. The rumble of the plane is loud so Jungkook doesn’t say anything, just asking the question with his eyes.
Jimin looks a little sheepish, but he gives Jungkook a little wane smile and places his hand over Jungkook’s for a few seconds, before he turns his face back to the window.
Jungkook sits back, still feeling a bit concerned but determined to be patient. He’s feeling groggy, so the process of landing and getting ushered to their new hotel is a blur.
He’s in the elevator with Jimin and several of their staff on the way up and they separate to go to their hotel rooms. He unpacks a bit and then waits as patiently as he can, glancing at his phone every once in a while. He hears a ding and lunges for his phone.
Jimin-hyung
Hey. Let’s talk.
Jungkook feels his stomach sink. Let’s talk? What does that mean?
Jungkook
Ok. My room or yours? Is everything ok hyung?
Jimin-hyung
I’ll head over.
Jungkook feels anxiety bubble up and his empty stomach clenches a bit. He grabs a coke from the mini bar and downs half the can, needing something to try to settle his stomach.
He hears a quiet knock on the door and he lets Jimin in. Jimin doesn’t meet his eyes, walking quickly in and laying down on top of the bed immediately. Jungkook stands, coke in hand, looking worriedly at him.
Jimin doesn’t say anything, but he lifts his head, reaches out his arms and makes his usual grabby motions that means he wants Jungkook to join him. Jungkook sets his drink down and quickly climbs onto the bed next to Jimin, who gathers him up. Jungkook presses his face into Jimin’s chest, feeling an intense wave of relief at being back in his arms.
He doesn’t understand what’s going on but at least he’s not being avoided. Which he realises with a start is what’s been happening for the past twenty four hours. Jimin’s been avoiding him. Jungkook did not like the feeling. He’s not sure how to express that, so he stays quiet.
Jimin breathes in against Jungkook’s hair and he whispers tight against the crown of his head. “I’m sorry, Kookie, hyung is sorry.”
“Are you ok, hyung?” A thought occurs to him. “Is everything ok with your family?”
“What? Oh, no, yeah, everything is good with them.”
“Oh good, ok. I thought, maybe, cause you were talking to your appa the other night …”
“No, yeah, he’s good, they … they’re good.”
Jungkook stays silent. It isn’t like Jimin to not be able to articulate himself. Jungkook wants to turn his face up and look at him, but Jimin is holding him tight in place. Finally, he just says, “I don’t understand.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
Jungkook feels his frustration growing. “Sorry for what? Why were you avoiding me? Did I do something wrong?”
Jimin hugs him tighter and Jungkook is alarmed to hear Jimin’s voice cracking a bit when he breathes out, “No, no, you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s my fault. I’m …. I was feeling … feeling weird and a little … sad, after the concerts.”
Jungkook wrinkles his nose. Jimin had sounded so happy that night when Jungkook left him to talk to his dad. “Sad … about anything in particular?”
“Ummm … no … not really? I get like that sometimes. On tour. Sometimes after the concerts …. In the hotels. I just get … sad … and usually. Well usually I just hang out on my own and just deal with it, on my own. Before, I mean.”
Jungkook’s mind is racing. “Ok, I get that … but … but isn’t that part of a relationship? Relying on each other when we get sad?
Jimin squeezes Jungkook tightly. “Yeah … which is why I’m sorry. I guess I’m not used to this part of a relationship.”
Jungkook feels the tightness in his chest let up a little bit. Jimin’s here now. He’s reaching out to him now.
Jungkook pulls away a bit and Jimin finally lets him. He brings his face up to look at Jimin who stares back at him, his eyes wide with concern. Jungkook would do anything to make that concern disappear.
“Hyung, it’s ok. I was worried, but it’s ok. I get that we’re both still figuring out all this. I want to be there for you if you’re ever struggling but … but I also get if you need to be alone. Or if you feel like you need one of the hyungs instead. But can you maybe … maybe just let me know what’s going on?” His voice cracks a bit and Jimin looks guilty.
Jimin leans forward and presses his forehead tight against Jungkook’s. “Yes, I can do that, I’ll do that. I’m so sorry for making you worry, I didn’t know how to express what I was feeling and I just thought some time apart would help me deal with it and then be back to normal for you.”
“Hyung.” Jungkook interrupts. “You don’t have to be ‘normal’ for me. I want you to be however you are. Sad, or mad, or … anything that you are. Please don’t think you have to pretend to be a certain way.”
Jimin gives him a small smile. “I know that. I guess I just didn’t see a point in worrying you when I didn’t really understand what was going on with me myself.”
“I don’t have to understand you all the time, hyung, I just want to be there for you. But if what you need is space sometimes too, I can do that. Just let me know and I’ll do that.”
Jimin whispers, “Ok, Kookie, ok.”
Jungkook presses forward, needing more reassurance. Jimin meets him halfway and they share a sweet, lingering kiss. Jungkook feels the hurt in his chest dissipating.
Jimin pulls back. “Can hyung make it up to you?”
“You don’t have it make anything up to me, I understand.”
Jimin pouts a little. “Please? It will make me feel better.”
Jungkook smiles a bit. He can’t for the life of him ever resist Jimin’s pout. “What do you have in mind?”
“We can finally do that re-watch of Your Name?”
Jungkook’s eyes widen. “Really? Ok!”
Jimin laughs at his excitement. “Get your laptop.”
Jungkook springs up to do just that. Jimin is sliding under the covers when he turns back around. Jungkook joins him, quickly getting things set up so they can start at episode one.
Jimin grabs one of his hands to hold, making it more difficult for Jungkook, but he doesn’t mind. As they settle in and the sound of the show starts, Jimin cuddles into Jungkook’s side. “My little romantic bun.”
Jungkook huffs out a little laugh, pleased at the new nickname, and gets settled, pressing close to Jimin.
After a few minutes of watching, Jungkook turns to Jimin again. He looks entranced by the show, the moving images reflecting in the dark of his eyes, giving him a bit of an otherworldly glow.
“Hyung?”
Jimin hums in response, not turning away from the screen.
“I’m still learning all this stuff too, you know. I just want us to learn together.”
Jungkook has Jimin’s attention with that. “Ah, baby, I know, I know.” He reaches out and cups his face in his hands. “I want that too.”
Even though Jimin’s hands are small on his face, Jungkook feels suddenly like a very delicate thing being held in a precious grip. Jimin's eyes look a little wet as he leans forward slowly, pressing their lips together. Jungkook reaches out and pulls Jimin to him as the kiss deepens.
The slow drag of their lips leads to more as they sink into each other. Jungkook feels a bit like crystal, easily breakable, but Jimin is gentle with him, sensing his fragility. Jimin is quiet and careful as he leads them through soft caresses and sighs. They slowly undress one another, letting the familiar sounds of the program fill the room in between their soft gasps and sweet nothings.
They make love slowly and quietly, Jimin on his back, legs wrapped around Jungkook’s waist, Jungkook’s hands entwined with Jimin’s on either side of his head. They keep eye contact as Jungkook moves above him, Jimin gently meeting his efforts, until he shakes apart, Jungkook’s hand helping him to it between their bodies at the very last. Jungkook follows him shortly after and he feels what little hurt that was left leaving his body as he sinks into Jimin’s embrace, burying his face in his neck.
He suddenly understands vividly that he’ll do anything to keep what they have. Even if that means giving Jimin more space than his instincts tell him to. He falls asleep in his lover’s arms, determined to be what he needs.
--------------------------
Things feel back to normal the next morning. They laugh and talk over room service breakfast before parting to get ready for the day’s schedule. Jimin has a sparkle in his eye as he pinches Jungkook’s butt on the way out the door.
He ends up sharing a car with Hobi to their first interview, the first two down to the lobby and thus volunteered to get to the set early and get their makeup done.
They chat happily in the car. As they near their destination, Hosek gets that look on his face again, the one from the plane.
“Kookie. Sorry if I was weird on the plane. I wasn’t sure …” He trails off.
Jungkook feels the palpable awkwardness and he rushes to reassure his hyung. “No, hey, that’s ok, hyung. Jimin told me what was going on.”
Hoseok looks even more worried. “Oh, he did?”
Jungkook is confused at his hyung’s surprise. “Yes?”
“Oh, ok. Look, It’s not that I don’t want you guys together, you’re clearly really good together, you make each other happy. I just … I just know Jimin really, really well you know. I didn’t feel totally confident in what he was telling me, so I just needed to make sure, you know?”
Jungkook feels like he’s been slapped. He quickly controls his face to hide his shock. Hobi had delivered that speech while looking anxiously out the window and when he turns to Jungkook, he has hidden his surprise.
Jungkook feels panic wash over him. He’s not sure what exactly prompts him to say what he does next.
“No, yeah, I get it, hyung. It’s ok. I understand.”
Hosek lets out a huge sigh of relief. “Oof, ok, thanks, Kookie. I was worried you’d be mad. I’m glad you get that I’m just looking out for you two. Hug?”
Jungkook numbly reaches out to his hyung, who wraps his arms around him.
The car abruptly pulls up to the curb and he hears the manager opening his door from beyond the partition. Jungkook pulls away from Hoseok, feeling sick. Thankfully, Hosek is already gathering his bag and opening the door to get out.
Jungkook follows him, feeling like a robot. Before he knows it, he’s sitting in the makeup chair, staring at his reflection as the stylist gives him the casual no-makeup makeup look they wear for most of their interviews.
Jungkook doesn’t understand anything. Well, he guesses he understands one thing: for whatever reason, Jimin chose not to share anything about whatever Hoseok had talked to him about at their dinner. He chose not to tell him that Hobi had somehow questioned him about their relationship. Because he was worried? Because he wasn’t “confident” in Jimin’s feelings?
He actually does believe that Hoseok was just looking out for the two of them. Does that mean then that there is something to be concerned about? But it seems like Hoseok was reassured. Isn’t that a good thing? There are too many things he doesn’t know, too many questions that only Jimin can answer.
When he finally is able to sort through his shock, his first instinct is to shove down any thoughts of confronting Jimin. He already saw that Jimin’s inclination was to pull away from Jungkook. If he confronts him, won’t he just do it again?
Jungkook hated the feeling of helplessness he had felt over the past twenty four hours, not understanding what was going on with the man he was in love with. And he had promised to give Jimin space if he needed it. Wasn’t him choosing not to talk to Jungkook about his and Hoseok’s conversation a way of maintaining that space?
Jungkook swallows hard and he decides. He’s not going to say anything. He’ll do what he’s done before. He’ll wait for Jimin to confide in him. He’s sure that Jimin will tell him once he’s worked through it a bit on his own. He just needs to give him time.
Jungkook feels better once the decision is made. He even musters up a smile for Jimin when the rest of the guys trickle in. He had been so determined to figure out what Jimin needed from him in a relationship and give it to him last night. So he’ll do exactly that.
Notes:
Of course I had to write this video into it,
Love you guys, thanks for reading! Would love to hear what you think so far if you would be so kind as to leave a comment.
Chapter 4
Notes:
Dropping another two chapters because this one is a little short again, apparently I can't write even chapter lengths to save my life! hehe
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Bright lights. A steady roar of sound. A gentle wind pushing his hair back from his face. Jungkook opens his eyes and looks down into the Wembley crowd, awed that he is here, singing his solo song, breathing in the adoration of the tens of thousands of armys present.
Jungkook waves at all the people far below. He’s flying back towards the stage, where he’ll hover for the crescendo of his song, when he spots something out of the ordinary.
It’s Jimin. He’s walking down the catwalk calmly, looking like he’s going to meet up with Jungkook on the extended stage. But he’s not supposed to be out on stage. This is Jungkook’s song.
Jungkook blinks and then something feels terribly wrong. Suddenly the roar of the crowd is gone, replaced by a horrible, echoing silence. The song dies on Jungkook’s lips and he looks around frantically. Somehow, Wembley has emptied in the blink of an eye. The stadium is dark, empty, cold.
He flicks his eyes back to the stage, looking for Jimin, looking for some explanation. Jimin is gone too. Jungkook is alone, far above the stage. He’s cold, the wind picking up even though he is now stationary.
“Jimin? Jimin!” He yells out, but the wind snatches his voice away easily, scattering it on the harsh angles of the empty stage. Jungkook feels vertigo wash over him as he realises he is totally alone and helpless. He can’t get down. He closes his eyes, clinging to the contraption, and feeling like he’ll fall at any moment. Why would Jimin leave him alone like this?
Jungkook snaps his eyes open, panting. He’s in bed, in his hotel room. His hands are twisted in the sheets. He slowly relaxes as he realises he’s just woken up. He was having a nightmare of some kind. The details are swiftly falling away. Something about the Wembley stage. Something about not being able to get down after Euphoria?
Jungkook gulps and runs his hands over his face, determined to push the dream away. He’s clearly worried about the performance. He thinks back to the last time he performed in London, injured and only able to sit while singing his parts. No wonder he’s having nightmares.
Jungkook can’t shake the feeling of uneasiness as he struggles to get back to sleep. It’s too early to get up. He should sleep longer if he wants to have enough energy for their first concert at Wembley tonight.
His brain won’t quiet though, and it’s not just the last vestiges of the nightmare lingering. Jungkook can’t stop poking at the same thing his brain has been revisiting over and over again the last few weeks. Jungkook sighs, giving in to his disquiet. He gets up, determined to work out his thoughts in the gym. He’s been doing that quite a bit lately. His trainer even had to remind him that rest days are good for his body, to help him get stronger in the long run. Well, today isn’t going to be a rest day.
He heads down to the hotel gym and he can’t help confronting his thoughts as he lifts and pushes through his workout. The crux of his worry is Jimin’s silence. It’s been weeks and Jimin still hasn’t mentioned anything to Jungkook about his conversation with Hoseok. Not a word or hint that anything went down between them.
Jungkook is trying to be patient, is trying not to let it bother him. But he’s starting to think that Jimin is never going to talk to him about it, and he hates every single thing that that implies. That Jimin might not trust him, that Jimin might not think Jungkook can handle it, or, the worst thought of all, that Hoseok was right in his concern about Jimin’s feelings.
Jungkook feels his brain finally start to quiet as the sweat drips down his temples, but then he flashes back to Brazil.
Brazil was incredible, absolutely unbelievable shows. But Jimin had been struggling with a cold and his voice was torn up for the first show. He got emotional during the Truth Untold as he struggled to hit the notes he needed to. The Brazilian Armys had more than made up for it, singing every single word loudly and beautifully. Jungkook totally understood why Jimin was overwhelmed with his emotions as a result.
Later that night, Jungkook had held Jimin tight as he cried a little, working through the emotions. He had been glad that Jimin was feeling open enough to be this way with him. And he had been sure that in his vulnerability, once he saw how strong Jungkook could be for him, that he would finally say something. But he didn’t, and Jungkook had felt the seed of worry grow bigger in his gut.
Now they were onto the European leg of their tour. It was June, Festa was soon, and most days were spent rehearsing for Muster. June. Jungkook is struck by it. They would be headed back to Korea soon. His frustration surges. They were supposed to be on so much surer footing by now. Instead, he feels like he’s walking on thin ice. He remembers back when they were planning in Jimin’s room at the dorm. They had decided to talk to Bang PD in June, when they were back in Korea, to talk through what them being together meant and their plans together.
Jungkook stops short as he’s getting out of the shower. He suddenly realises that they hadn't planned that. He had put the idea forward, and he thinks Jimin vaguely agreed, but maybe he had just been buying time.
Jungkook sighs, running his hand through his wet hair. He pauses in front of the mirror, towel around his waist. He reaches forward to wipe his hand through the condensation on the mirror and stares at his own reflection.
He feels like an idiot. Why is he creating this made up schedule of where they should be in their relationship by now? It’s totally in his head. He just needs to keep doing what he’s doing, being there for Jimin. Apart from his secret worries, the last few weeks have been really great. They’ve spent loads of time together, eating and exploring, and Jungkook blushes at the thought of some of the new things they’ve tried in bed.
Jimin has seemed happy. Simply happy. Jungkook nods at himself in the mirror. Right, he’ll just go with the flow. He can do that. He’s going to just forget about the conversation with Hoseok. Tonight is Wembley, a historic stage. He needs to focus on that.
_______________________
Jungkook leans against the concrete barrier, staring out at the Thames. A small breeze drifts across the water, rustling Jungkook’s hair, and whipping up the myriad scents of London: the mineral smell of the river, fresh coffee from the cafe across the street, a hot, sort of bitter smell wafting from one of the nearby sewer grates. Seoul has a similar cacophony of smells and sounds, but it is as different in scope as it is far in distance from London.
So Jungkook feels both at home in this big city and also so very, very home sick. He turns to look away from the river and the far bank. He rests his back on the ledge and lets his ear hone in on the familiar language of home coming from the group of boys a little to his left.
He sees one of the figures fling their head back in laughter and he hears the familiar tinkle of Jimin’s voice. He is standing in a tight circle with three of his friends from back home, their heads bent over one of their phones as they try to figure out the way to a pub that one of them had researched.
Jungkook feels the side of his mouth crick up in a smile as he lets the familiar hangul wash over him. They sound utterly lost, which pretty much sums up their day so far. Jungkook likes the three men quite a lot.
They’ve known Jimin since middle school, and they’ve stuck by him despite being from very different worlds now. Jimin doesn’t get to see them often, so when they brought up the idea of making a special trip for the second Wembley show, and to stick around for a few days after, Jimin had jumped at the chance. They attended the second show last night, dragging around a ridiculously large flag on a pole with pictures of Jimin’s face and the hilarious message, “Don’t worry, hyungs are here.” Jimin had laughed the hardest Jungkook had ever seen when he saw it.
Jungkook had offered to do his own thing today, especially since it is the only full day Jimin will have with his friends before their rehearsals for Muster start up again at studios they’ve rented in London and Paris. But Jimin had grabbed his hands with an excited glint in his eye, and told Jungkook he wanted him to join in on the fun.
So Jungkok had tagged along, not totally in on all of the inside jokes, but happy to just be in his hyung’s presence while his happiness at being with such life-long friends radiated out in every word and gesture. Jimin kept sneaking little glances towards Jungkook, checking that he was having a good time. It made the warm spark Jungkook feels in his chest whenever he is with Jimin stoke a bit higher.
Jimin’s laugh rings out loudly and then he spins and spots Jungkook standing a little ways away. He quickly drags him back to the group.
“Kook-ah! Settle this argument. Chaewon-hyung thinks this place is just around the corner but that’s what he said an hour ago. Yejun-hyung says we should just go to that spot we passed by about fifteen minutes ago. We’re split, so your vote breaks the tie.”
Jungkook squints at the map on the phone that they shove in his face and pretends to consider. He looks around at the group and raises an eyebrow.
“How about a third option?”
Chaewon laughs, intrigued. “What do you have in mind?”
“I have some friends in Seoul who come here a lot. There’s this tattoo shop with a bar in the basement. Invite only. Could be cool.”
Jimin grins at him, delighted that Jungkook has this card up his sleeve.
His friends whistle and jostle his shoulders, looking impressed. “Holding out on the cool rock star stuff with us were you? Well then, I’m proud I got us lost for like two hours if that’s what got you to fess up.”
“So you’d like to go, Chaewon-ssi?”
“For this, you can call me hyung,” Chaewon says as he drapes an arm around Jungkook’s shoulder, prompting him to lead the way. Jungkook glances back at Jimin as they set off again, Jungkook leading this time.
Jimin’s smile is blinding.
----------------
They spend the rest of the day at the bar Jungkook gets them into, getting pint after pint of British beer served to them by very cool looking Londoners covered in tats. Jungkook texts his thanks to some of his fore-mentioned friends in Seoul for getting them in.
The conversation flows fast and loose, and Jungkook feels like he’s really getting to know Jimin’s friends. He’s met them once or twice before, but never spent so much time with them.
After some prompting, they convince Jimin to show them his tattoo. He’s had it for about six months, but that’s been longer than they last saw each other, and they’re eager to see.
Jimin looks around a bit nervously, but Jungkook reassures him that the invite only status means people mind their business, so he quickly stands up and drags his t-shirt up so his friends can get a look at the Nevermind splayed starkly across his ribs.
Yejun lets out a low whistle. “Wow, cool, Jimin-ah! Did your friends in Seoul do it, Jungkook-ah, the ones that hooked us up for this place?”
Jimin rucks his shirt back down, shaking his head. “No, I have my own tattoo artist. He’s the guy who actually did the fake ones way back for the 2014 MAMAs. He was such a cool guy, we kept in touch, and when we got the new contract and I finally decided to go for it, it was a no brainer. Jungkookie is planning to get some too though, when we’re back home, with his friends.”
Attention shifts to Jungkook and he finds himself a little shy, sharing so much with these men he barely knows. But Jimin trusts them, so he trusts them.
“Yeah, I've been planning to for a while, but I just have so many ideas and designs I want. I’d love to go in and just get a whole sleeve you know, but I’ll have to do it a little at a time with our travel schedule.”
“What’s the first thing you’re going to get?” Siwoo asks.
Jungkook feels happy and loose from the beer and the conversation, so he dives in. “Well, first I want to get some knuckle tats.” He lets his fingers play over his right hand as he describes it. “A. R. M. Y. Just like that, for army but also for the members’ names, with the A really a V, then a J, right here,” He points to his ring finger, “for me, Jin-hyung, and J-Hope-hyung.” He glances over at Jimin. “And Jimin-hyung too, of course.”
“They’re going to let you get knuckle tats? You really run the place over there don’t you guys?” Chaewon says.
Jungkook isn’t sure what to say to that, but Jimin laughs good naturedly. “Nah, I mean, kind of, in some ways.” He laughs again. “We really do have a lot of say now, but we also negotiated a good contract and, honestly, with success comes stability, and BigHit doesn’t have to worry so much about the way things look anymore. I mean, there is still lots we can’t do, but it’s less about what’s in our contract, and more about us knowing what’s best for the band.”
He looks over at Jungkook, a fond look on his face. “Besides, Army is gonna eat it up. Tattoos with this face?” He reaches over, giggling already, as he pinches at Jungkook’s face. The other guys laugh along.
Jungkook blushes a bit as he looks down. These guys must know how affectionate Jimin always is, but he can’t help feeling a little abashed.
Jimin reaches over and gives him some reassuring rubs on his chest. Jungkook can’t help but hold his eyes for a moment and press his own hand over Jimin’s. He realises they’re keeping eye contact for just a beat too long, and he sees Jimin realise it as well.
Jimin brings his hand back to his glass, lifting it and finishing it in one long swallow to the cheers of his friends. Jungkook makes eye contact with Chaewon. Chaewon gives him a small smile, but it doesn’t quite meet his eyes. Jungkook quickly breaks his gaze, turning his attention back to his own drink. Maybe they should let up on the touchiness for the rest of the night.
Jungkook quiets down deliberately, letting Jimin enjoy his friends’ company, and contents himself with sipping his drink and listening in. His beer suddenly tastes a little too bitter, so he switches to soju, eager for a little taste of home.
___________________________________________________________________
Jungkook wakes with a start. He looks blearily at the time. The clock on his bedside table is blinking 3:00am. He rubs his eyes. Why did he wake up? He had tumbled into bed just an hour ago, not quite drunk, but not totally sober either. He had left Jimin and his friends still drinking in Jimin’s room.
He settles down to go back to sleep when he hears a sound in his room. Oh, that must have been what woke him up. It’s a soft shuffling of feet in the bathroom and he hears the tap running. He hears the bathroom door open, and he calls out tentatively, brain still slow from sleep. “Hyung?”
He hears feet padding across the carpet. “Oh, sorry Jungkookie, I was hoping I wouldn’t wake you.” Jungkook can barely make out Jimin’s figure in the dark as he approaches the bed.
“Chaewon-hyung is snoring like crazy and I can’t sleep. I slipped out, thought you wouldn’t mind if I crashed here instead?”
Jungkook grunts his assent and throws the duvet back to let Jimin slip in. Jimin crawls in and quickly nuzzles his way into Jungkook’s arms. He’s wearing nothing but a pair of briefs, skin soft and smelling slightly of soju, but his breath is fresh, clearly having just brushed his teeth in Jungkook’s bathroom. A thought occurs to Jungkook.
“Yah, hyung, did you use my toothbrush again?”
Jimin giggles, clearly not totally sober either, and just presses his face tighter against Jungkook's neck. “Don’t be mad, Jungkookie, would you rather I come in with smelly soju-breath?”
Jungkook grunts again. “Touche.”
They settle quickly, their breathing evening out as they sink closer to sleep. Jungkook starts to feel hot as he often does when he’s pressed tight to Jimin in bed. He turns so he’s facing away from Jimin and he can throw back the duvet from his body while keeping Jimin covered. Jimin snuggles into his back, winding his arm around his chest so his back is tightly pressed to Jimin’s chest and his breath is tickling against the back of Jungkook’s neck.
As the cool air helps ease Jungkook’s body, he relaxes in Jimin’s hold. Jimin shifts behind him. He can’t seem to settle completely.
Jungkook feels Jimin breathe out in a huff and then a pair of lips are softly kissing at the back of his neck. Jimin continues placing featherlight kisses up and down his neck, tentative and slow.
Jungkook is tired, but he’s also feeling kind of floaty and loose, so he leans back into Jimin’s chest and lets out a soft sigh, a clear sign that he’s up for whatever Jimin is thinking. Jungkook thinks he feels Jimin smile against his shoulder. He definitely feels it when Jimin sinks his teeth gently into the same shoulder for a soft, wet bite. Jungkook lets out a quiet moan, his cock twitching in interest.
Jimin sucks at where he’s bitten and his hand starts to roam over Jungkook’s chest, while the other scrapes gently in Jungkook’s hair, sending shivers down his spine. Jungkook sleeps in only his briefs, so they are both in a very convenient state of undress.
Jimin slides his hand over his pecs and then slowly circles his nipple, teasing just at the edges, while he continues to lick and suck at the juncture of Jungkook’s neck and shoulder.
Jungkook lifts his own hand up to Jimin’s and pushes it over his nipple so he can finally feel the deep pull that connects down to his stomach and through to his cock.
“Needy baby,” Jimin whispers in his ear, teasing him. Jungkook doesn’t deny it, suddenly feeling both sharply awake, and yet still half in dreamland with how muddled his head feels.
Jimin stops teasing and rolls Jungkook’s nippes between his deft fingers, first one and then the other, eliciting sharp gasps from Jungkook’s mouth. At the same time, he ruts his hips forward into Junkgook’s ass, allowing him to feel his hardening length, obvious against the cleft of his cheeks.
Jungkook is rock hard in just a few moments and he eagerly pushes his ass back against Jimin so he knows how much he likes it, likes the ways he’s touching him, both unbearably soft in contrast with the want being stoked in his chest, and starkly rough when compared with the slumber he was so recently pulled out of.
Jimin pushes forward again, the hand teasing at his chest heading south to his hip so that he can pull Jungkook roughly back. Jimin’s cock, now fully hard, drags slowly up between Jungkook’s ass cheeks, dragging and catching on his underwear slightly. Suddenly, Jungkook wants, he wants so badly.
The darkness, the dreaminess, the little bit of alcohol rubbing away the sharp edges of his mind, prompts Jungkook to grab Jimin’s hand and lead it slowly back until he’s replaced Jimin’s cock with it, where his hand has not yet been on Jungkook’s body. Everywhere so far, but not there yet. And where Jungkook feels he needs it, or he’s just going to go feral with want here in this hotel bed, washed with moonlight beaming down from a strange sky.
Jimin rubs at Jungkook’s hole through his underwear, his lips having stilled at Jungkook’s neck, seemingly concentrating deeply. Jungkook moans at the feeling, both feeling like it’s way too much, and not nearly enough.
Jungkook pushes back, trying to encourage Jimin without using his words, mind still feeling a bit blurry. Jimin takes his hand away and Jungkook whines, but he feels Jimin reach up to his own mouth, before he’s quickly sliding it under the waistband of his briefs, over the swell of Jungkook’s ass to dip between his checks. His fingers are wet, and Jungkook realises that Jimin has coated them in his own spit.
His face is aflame and his body is suddenly equally as hot as he gets a thrill that he hasn’t yet experienced. He’s never done this with anyone, and he realises how much he’s been wanting to with Jimin.
Jimin finally speaks again, his voice sounding low and gravelly, tinged with the edge of sweetness that he always has. “Baby, do you want them? Do you want my fingers?”
Jungkook has never felt so turned on in his life, he feels lightheaded and buzzy. He reaches up to grab the hand that’s in his hair and pulls it around his neck so he’s pinning it to the mattress. “Yes,” he gasps out. “Yes, want them.” He pushes Jimin’s fingers into his mouth, feeling desperate and a little out of control.
He hears Jimin’s breathy moan as he closes his mouth around Jimin’s fingers and sucks. Jimin’s other hand gets to work, gently circling his rim. Jungkook pushes back, impatient, and Jimin takes the hint, slowly pushing the tip of one finger into his spit-slicked hole.
Jungkook’s jaw drops in a silent moan. Jimin’s hand pops out of his mouth and he smears it down his check, dragging saliva with it, before resting it on his neck and wrenching Jungkook’s head back so he can kiss him sloppily, clearly getting a little desperate himself.
Jungkook kisses Jimin back slackly, all of his attention on Jimin’s other hand. It feels a little strange, a little dry, as he realises they should probably get some lube, but Jungkook finds he likes the roughness a little. More than anything, he likes the idea of part of Jimin being inside of him, and he feels too desperate for more to pause.
“More,” He moans into Jimin’s mouth. “Want more.”
Jimin obliges, pushing his finger in slowly until the burn feels so good and Jungkook starts whining. Jimin slowly pushes his finger in and out, clearly wanting to give Jungkook time to adjust. Jimin pulls back from their kiss and Jungkook can see that he looks as undone as Jungkook feels, eyes glazed and cheeks flush.
Jungkook looks into Jimin’s eyes and he can feel the “I love you” his addled brain desperately wants him to say on the tip of his tongue. He wants to moan it into his mouth, wants to repeat it in desperate whispers. The part of his brain that is still holding onto his last shred of sanity knows he can’t say it again for the first time since New York in this context, that that would be expecting too much of Jimin.
Instead, Jungkook closes his eyes and says the other thing his brain is clamouring for. “Jimin, hyung, please, fuck me, I want you to fuck me.”
Jungkook startles a bit as he feels Jimin kiss him while his eyes are still closed. He kisses him hard, but it’s all closed lips, teeth pressed hard behind. Jungkook notices Jimin’s hand has stilled. Something’s wrong.
Jimin breaks the kiss and pulls his hand out from Jungkook’s briefs at the same time. He curls his hand at his own chest and opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. He looks upset and Jungkook quickly wrenches his body all the way around so he can scoop him up in his arms and press him to his chest. “Baby? What’s wrong, are you ok?” Jungkook feels like he’s been doused in cold water, extinguishing the flame of his desire, and leaving him feeling cold and a little shaky.
Jimin finds his voice with his face tucked into Jungkook’s chest. “I’m sorry, Kookie. I can’t …. I don’t think … I don’t think we should.”
“Oh, ok. I mean … like now, or like, ever?”
“I just think … we were both drinking … and it’s a big step. We should probably wait, you know?”
Jungkook takes that in. He can see Jimin’s point, anybody could, but Jimin is shaking slightly in his arms, and he is refusing to look at him, and Jungkook doesn’t think that that is the full extent of it. But it’s late, and his boyfriend is shivering, so he simply grabs the duvet from where they’ve knocked it loose and covers them both, wrapping his arms tightly around Jimin and rubbing his back vigorously for a few beats.
“Ok, hyung, you’re right. Are you cold?”
Jimin nods, face still smooshed against him.
Jungkook flings his leg over Jimin as well, trying to give him as much body heat as he needs. He keeps rubbing his back until he feels him start to relax and go pliant in his arms.
They’re quiet. Jungkook desperately wants to talk more, but he can feel Jimin locked inside his own head. He decides to let it go for now. As he is almost asleep, just on the cusp, he hears Jimin whisper, “I’m sorry, Kookie.” Jungkook sinks down into sleep on those words.
------------------------
Jungkook feels a sense of deja vu as he again startles out of sleep. This time, however, his hotel room is awash in the soft light of early morning. It’s six am. He realises he was woken up by the sound of his hotel room closing. He wipes his eyes and rolls over to confirm.
Jimin’s side of the bed is empty. Jungkook sighs and rolls into the spot that Jimin had occupied, breathing in deeply and catching a hint of Jimin’s smell. He tries to force himself back into sleep, not feeling up to dealing with the complicated emotions he knows last night is going to engender.
He wishes Jimin had stayed, but he knows he has his friends to get back to. He probably wanted to slip back in before they woke up. He doesn’t blame him. But a small part of him feels neglected, like he should have stayed to talk after the strangeness of the night before. He wishes he had woken him up with a kiss to say goodbye at least, but he also knows Jimin probably wanted him to keep sleeping. They have to be at rehearsals in three hours.
Jungkook, for all of his efforts, can’t fall back asleep. He tosses and turns for an hour before he gives up and gets in the shower, blasting the water as cold as he can in the hopes that it will revive him for a full day of dance practise and logistics meetings.
He still has an hour to fill when he gets out of the shower, shivering slightly, but feeling much more awake. When he checks his phone he sees a long text from Jimin.
Jimin-hyung
Morning my Jungkookie. I’m sorry I was weird last night. And that I left this morning, I wanted to get back before the guys woke up. Plus you looked like you really needed the sleep. I know I wish I could get more, today is going to be brutal. But yeah, I’m so glad you hung out with us yesterday. It was nice to see you and them together, people I care about so much. I care about you so much Kookie. Sorry, I know this is long. See you at rehearsal? I’m going to grab a quick coffee with the guys and say goodbye so I will meet you all there. XXOO
Jungkook’s brain feels like it’s not really working so all he can muster up to type in return is short and to the point
Jungkook
I get it hyung, it’s ok. I had fun too. I’m glad your friends came to see you. See you in a bit.
He types out a few hearts and then deletes them. He feels somehow like that would be letting Jimin off the hook. He runs his hands over his face. What is he doing? Debating over emojis? Wasn’t this supposed to be simple with Jimin? They know each other so well, they tell each other so much. And now he’s playing games over text? He hates it so much. He loves Jimin. No matter what is going on, he still knows that with all of his heart.
He does two things to feel like he’s being true to his heart.
He takes a selfie making a kissy face at the camera and he sends it to Jimin along with all the heart and finger heart emojis he has on his phone. There.
Then he gets back under the covers in bed and he navigates to his eomma’s number. He calls, hoping she’ll pick up.
He hears the click of the call being picked up.
“Jungkook?”
“Hi, eomma.”
“Oh Jungkook, what a lovely surprise! I didn’t think you’d be able to call for a few days yet.”
“I know we just talked a few days ago, but I had some free time before rehearsal and I … I just thought …” Jungkook’s voice cracks a bit.
“Aww, my sweet little one. What’s wrong?”
Jungkook is just so tired and confused that he feels a single tear track down his cheek. “I … I don’t really know, eomma, I’m sorry. I’m ok, really, I’m just feeling a little … sad.”
His mother, ever the proactive problem solver, can sometimes be impatient with Jungkook’s vagaries. He can feel her reminding herself to be patient from halfway around the world.
“Anything more specific you can share with me, sweetie? Just so I can try to help?”
Jungkook really wishes he could pour his whole heart out to his eomma. He wishes he could lay his head in her lap like he used to, and feel her card her hands through his hair, while she told him all the ways she thought he would be ok.
Insead he says, “I’m kind of … having a confusing time ... with one of the members. We’re ok, but I’m just sort of struggling to understand where they’re coming from.”
“Oh,” she says. “That’s ok, that’s normal, honey. Is it Taehyung? No, sorry, I don’t mean to pry. Is it .. someone you could talk about with one of the older members? Namjoon maybe?”
Jungkook thinks. He guesses he could, but it’s so complicated. The stuff with Hobi is also not totally his to tell. And the sex stuff, there is no way he would talk about that.
“Not … not really? I feel like I would be kind of betraying this person’s trust if I did that.”
“Hmmm, ok, you’re a good person, Jungkook. Would you say you’re mostly sad with this person, or mostly happy with a bit of sad?”
Jungkook smiles a small smile. She does sometimes still talk to him like he’s ten years old, but he gets she’s just trying to help, especially with so little detail.
“Mostly happy with a bit of sad.”
“Ok, that’s good, that means you can still solve things. You’re so smart and compassionate, Jungkook. Just keep communicating, keep being you, and I’m sure you’ll get back to 100% happy.”
Jungkook smiles a bit, already feeling better. “Ok, eomma, I will.”
“But remember this, Jungkook, really. If you get to a place where you’re mostly sad with only a little bit of happy, in this situation but really in any one, you have to take it more seriously. You have to look out for yourself and do what you need to do. You can’t rely on anyone else for your happiness, or let anyone else be your sadness either. Understand?”
Jungkook feels a lump in his throat. He knows she’s right. But that’s not where he and Jimin are. They’re just going through a rough patch. So he just says, “You got it. I promise.” He’s run out of time. “Oop, eomma, I’ve got to run, rehearsals.”
“Ok, baby. Call me anytime, really.”
“I will. Love you.”
“Love you too, sweetheart. Talk soon.”
Jungkook hangs up and gets ready. He truly feels better. Talking to his eomma reminded him of how straightforward things can be. All he has to do is talk to Jimin. He’s done waiting. He’s going to ask him about the conversation with Hoseok, and about his reaction last night. He leaves for rehearsal with a plan.
The next few days are a whirlwind of schedules, and he doesn’t get a chance to be alone with Jimin before they’re on a flight to Paris. And in Paris, they get the news that changes everything.
Notes:
:(
Chapter 5
Notes:
//cw on this chapter for a very small bit of Jimin feeling down about his appearance. I actually think Jimin is super confident in himself (as he should be as the sexiest man on the planet) but I think everyone, no matter how beautiful, has days or moments when they don't like how they look.
Ok, I hope you like this one. It gets a bit heavier, but I promise it will be worth it in the end.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Jimin is so distracting, in every sense of the word. They sit next to each other on the plane to Paris, and Jungkook wakes up from a light sleep with a crick in his neck and the feeling of Jimin running his fingers up and down the inseam of his leg, light as a feather. Jungkook has a blanket draped over him, which Jimin has co-opted half of, so that his arms and Jungkook’s lap are hidden from view.
Jungkook blinks sleepily over at Jimin, who has his head leaned back and eyes closed. He’s either pretending, or doing it in his sleep. Jungkook sneaks his hand under the blanket and gently takes Jimin’s hand in his, stilling the movement and cupping Jimin’s smaller hand. Jimin stirs a little, letting out a small sigh. Sleeping, then. Jungkook feels a deep fondness wash over him.
Despite all of the confusion that has been plaguing Jungkook, he is still madly, deeply in love with Jimin. He still gives him a thousand moments of happiness every day. His laugh, his smile, the way he teases, Jungkook loves it, and he loves him very much. He’s still determined to ask Jimin the hard questions that are piling up in his heart, but he also wants to content himself with the lovely distraction of the soft, beautiful boy beside him.
He tightens his grip on Jimin’s hand and closes his eyes again, tipping his head back onto the seat’s headrest, and swiping his thumb over the back of Jimin’s hand.
Once they get to Paris, it is non stop rehearsals for both muster and the concerts, as well as tech checks and run throughs. It’s the busiest they’ve been in between concerts since LA, and any time Jimin and Jungkook get at the end of each day is spent scarfing down some food, and then barely making it to the bed before they both collapse in sleep. Each night Jungkook intends to mention his concerns, but when he looks at Jimin’s face, half closed in sleep, exhausted from a rigorous day of dancing, he can’t bring himself to do it. There will be time, eventually, he decides.
The Paris concerts go well, including a surprise cameo from Halsey during Boy with Luv on the second night. When she joins them onstage, Jungkook can hear the excited surge of the crowd, even with his in-ears on. Jimin flirts up a storm with her on stage, both of them playing well off of each other.
That night, after they’ve done their after-concert pictures and wiped off most of the sweat, they hear Halsey’s lilting voice approaching their dressing room. That’s right, Jungkook thinks, she was going to stay to watch the rest of the concert and visit a bit.
He rucks his shirt back down and quickly checks his face in the mirror to make sure he looks ok. Namjoon gives the go ahead to Manager Sejin to let her in, and she bursts in, all colour and light. She’s ditched her pink wig and is showing her shorn locks instead, dyed a vibrant jet black. Jungkook likes it. She quickly makes it around the room, hugging each of them, and exclaiming loudly about how much she loved their sets.
When she gets to Jungkook, she squeezes him hard and leans back, saying, “You really flew, man! I loved it! Do you get a thrill out of that?”
Jungkook catches her general drift, and says back enthusiastically, “Yeah! I love it!” He throws her two very big thumbs up and she scrunches her face up at him.
They all settle into the bank of couches. Namjoon and Halsey carry the bulk of the conversation, everybody else feeling a bit too exhausted by the show to venture into wrapping their brains around English. Jungkook is getting better at understanding, even if speaking English is still mostly eluding him. He and Hoseok are actually spending a good chunk of time in English study, determined to help Namjoon more in their English interviews.
Jimin gets called away by one of the managers to check on the measurements of a jacket for Muster. Probably an overwhelmed staff trying to catch up on some tasks, seeing as the boys are lingering after the show.
Jungkook tunes back into the conversation and he thinks he catches that Halsey is talking about her significant other, excitedly describing a trip they’re taking soon. Jungkook feels a deep stab of jealousy. He’s often wondered what it would be like to be a western artist. To be able to date publicly. And Halsey is bi, she can date a woman, and their relationship might be scrutinized, rumours might fly, but she can still do it and have a career.
The guys have often talked about how long it might take for the korean music scene to catch up, but most of them think their own careers will be long gone before that happens. They’ve often discussed in the last year or two whether they are big enough to buck the trend, to be open about relationships and still keep their massive fan base. But no one had found that special someone yet anyways. Jungkook eyes track Jimin as he walks back into the room and beelines it for the group.
Since he’s been gone, Taehyung has stretched out in his spot and he’s enjoying a leg rub from Seokjin, so Jimin walks over to the couch Hobi and Jungkook occupy and laughs as he flings his body on top of theirs.
“Yah! Jimine, keep your hands to yourself!” Hoseok teases as Jimin gets settled, laughing all the while. He ends up with his head in Hoseok’s lap and his lower body draped over Jungkook’s legs.
As they all listen to the conversation, Hobi scrapes his fingers through Jimin’s hair, making him sigh in contentment and snuggle deeper. Jungkook watches his face, closed eyes and slightly parted lips, and is struck again by how pretty he is, and how deep his own affection goes. His own hands placed on Jimin’s legs tighten, giving his lower thighs and calves a quick massage.
He can see Jimin’s breath evening out. He looks like he might fall asleep, being petted by his teammates.
Jungkook looks up and catches Halsey’s eyes on him. He feels a bit taken off guard at having been caught staring at Jimin so long. She gives him a little smile and scrunches her eyes closed for a moment, before turning to give her attention back to Namjoon.
Jungkook feels emboldened, almost like the fact that Halsey might know makes him feel better instead of nervous like he thought it would. He reaches to the side with his left hand and entwines his fingers with Jimin’s. Jimin opens his eyes and gives Jungkook an inquisitive look, an “everything ok?” in his eyes. Jungkook squeezes quickly and nods, and then quickly lets go of his hand as he stretches both arms straight up in the air, causing a few bones to crack and a yawn to escape his mouth.
They quickly break apart after that, Halsey hugging each of them goodbye with promises to stay in touch, and they all quietly get ready to head back to the hotel. When the first pair makes their way to the door, Manager Sejin stops them.
“Sorry guys, just hang on a minute. Boys, everyone, can I get your attention for a bit?
They gather quickly around him. Jungkook suddenly feels nervous. Sejin looks worried, and although he often wears a slightly worried expression, this feels different.
“Sorry to do this so last minute, but there’s a change in schedule tomorrow. Bang PD-nim has requested a group meeting as soon as possible. We’re going to fit it in before rehearsal tomorrow, 8:00am. We can meet in the suite we’ve been using for hair and makeup and set up a video call.”
Namjoon speaks up quickly. “A video call? With all of us? Do you know what it’s about?”
Sejin’s face falls a bit at that. “A little bit. I’m sorry, Namjoon-ah, I can’t say. He wants to talk with all of you together.”
Seokjin lets out a groan. “That doesn't sound good. Well, no use worrying now.” He claps his hand on Namjoon’s shoulder, already seeing the worry start to settle on their leader’s shoulders. “We’ll find out when we find out. Maybe it’s good news!” He doesn’t look like he means it though.
Usually their all-hands-on-deck meetings are reserved for big news: finding out if they are performing at an award show, or if they’ve been nominated for something big, or celebrations of big accomplishments. The problem is, they’re not waiting on any news like that.
Jungkook looks around at his hyungs and he can tell they are all worried. They get ready to go just the same. In the car on the way back to the hotel, Jimin and Jungkook are quiet. Jungkook keeps fixating on what this meeting could possibly be. When he looks over at Jimin, he can tell he’s probably doing the same.
He reaches over and nudges Jimin’s arm, startling him out of his thoughts. “What do you think this is about, hyung?”
Jimin sighs. “God, I don’t know, Jungkookie. Could be anything, I guess. I agree with Seokjin though, I don’t think it’s going to be good. Oh, hey, don’t worry. Whatever it is, we’ll handle it.”
Jungkook bites his lip and glances ahead at the driver. “Do you think I could come to your room, just to talk something through?”
Jimin hesitates, and Jungkook feels hurt start to bloom in his chest. But then he says, “Yeah, yeah, of course.”
They’re quiet the rest of the trip to the hotel and Jungkook rushes through his nighttime routine. Jungkook uses his key to slip into Jimin’s room, and he finds the room dim, one bedside lamp on, and Jimin already tucked into bed, engrossed in his phone.
He looks up and smiles briefly at Jungkook before continuing to type out a message. Jungkook slips into bed with him and he hears the sound of a message being sent, and then Jimin puts his phone away.
“Sorry, Kookie, just texting with Hobi-hyung. He’s worried too. Come here.”
Jungkook scooches over so he can fit into Jimin’s outstretched arms. Jungkook is bigger than Jimin, his hands are larger, his limbs longer, and his chest broader. But when Jimin puts his arms around him like this, and whispers comforting words into his hair, he feels small, and slight, and infinitely cared for.
“What did you want to talk about? I mean, even besides the meeting tomorrow and what it might be. I’ve noticed …. Well, I’ve noticed that you’ve been a little quiet lately when we’re together. I wanted to make sure nothing is wrong.”
Jungkook feels a shiver of worry move through him. He thought he had been subtle in his concern. He thought he could carry on like normal until he found the right time to talk with Jimin. But he should’ve known. Jimin is incredibly perceptive, and he’s not totally surprised that he picked up on some of Jungkook’s uncertainty.
Jungkook isn’t sure what to say. Now does not feel like the right time to get into everything, with this mystery meeting looming over everything. At the same time, the thought of lying to Jimin feels impossible.
Jungkook rubs his face a little in the front of Jimin’s t-shirt , and he says, “I guess I’ve just been thinking … about the future.” Not a lie.
“The future? Like, you mean, us?”
“Yeah … a little.”
“And that has made you quiet?”
Jungkook knows if he looks up at Jimin’s face, that the whole thing will come tumbling out of him. What Hoseok told him that day in the car. How Jungkook felt after the night in London. The conversation with his eomma. So he stays strictly put and throws his arm over Jimin’s body to keep him in place too.
“Sorry, hyung. I’ve been thinking about our original plan, I guess. To talk to Bang PD-nim when we’re back in Korea.” Also not a lie, in a way.
“Oh.” Jimin tightens his arms around Jungkook, but he also shrinks into himself a little.
Suddenly a thought occurs to Jungkook and it pushes everything else out of his head.
“Wait, hyung, you don’t think that tomorrow, that the meeting, you don’t think that could be about us, could it?”
“What? What do you mean?”
Jungkook does look up at Jimin then, too scared at the thought not to seek reassurance.
“You don’t think one of the staff figured it out and told on us? That maybe Bang PD-nim wants us all together to … to find out if we’re really together, you and me? Won’t he maybe be angry we didn’t go to him and --”
“Woah, Kookie,” Jimin interrupts, sweeping a hand up to smooth the wrinkles on Jungkook’s furrowed forehead. “Slow down. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. We have no idea what this meeting is about. Even if Bang PD somehow found out, I really don’t think this is how he would handle it. In front of everyone? No, no, I don’t think so. Besides, we’ve been careful. Really careful. I don’t think we should worry about that. No, all seven of us means it’s something we should all hear together, and I don’t think that’s how he would approach something like this.”
Jungkook nods eagerly during Jimin’s response, finding himself feeling more and more silly for having thought of it.
“You’re right, hyung, I’m just being stupid.”
“Hey.” Jimin grabs his nose and wiggles it a bit. “You know I hate it when you say that. You’re never stupid, Jungkook. You just … you feel a lot. And that’s a good thing. I just don’t think you need to be afraid of this thing in particular, bun.”
Jungkook doesn’t say anything in response, he just buries his face into Jimn’s neck and inhales deeply. It’s funny, when they’re together like this, wrapped in each other’s arms, Jungkook feels no doubt. He knows that whatever is going on, they’ll work through it. It just feels so right, the two of them together, wrapped up in their own little world. Maybe that’s why Jungkook still hasn’t brought anything up. Because in these moments, it’s perfect.
Jungkook stays quiet and Jimin settles down with him, placing a few kisses on the crown of his head. They stay wrapped up in each other, and the things left unsaid stay that way, at least for one more night.
-------------------
When Jungkook walks into the suite they’re using for their video call with Bang PD the next morning, the atmosphere is tense.
Namjoon and Yoongi are seated at the small table already, seven chairs squished together, just barely fitting on one side. Namjoon is staring at his phone, but Jungkook spots the way his hand is drumming a frantic beat out on the table, and he can tell he’s feeling worried. Yoongi is staring blankly with an ice coffee in his hand.
Jungkook sits beside him and bumps his shoulder with his own. Yoongi looks over and gives him a reassuring lift of his upper lip. Jungkook’s eyes slip down to his coffee and he asks, “Sip, hyung?”
Yoongi rolls his eyes but hands it over quickly while looking away. Jungkook takes a big gulp while Yoongi grumbles slightly, before handing it back.
The other guys arrive in the next few minutes, and soon they’re all sitting, bunched tightly together, as Manager Segin gets Bang PD on the line using their office’s secure conference program. Jungkook looks over at Taehyung, who gives him a wink and a thumb’s up.
It’s times like this that Jungkook always feels the most like the maknae, when his hyungs are constantly reassuring him. Jungkook knows it makes them feel better too, having someone to look out for. Hobi told him that once. That having someone to care for in stressful times makes you forget about your personal stresses for a time.
“Ah! There we go,” says Sejin, and he steps away. Bang PD comes up on the screen, looking a little fuzzy, but voice coming through clear.
“Hi boys! How is everyone?” Bang PD’s face is open and neutral, but he’s a master of diplomacy, of setting the mood, and every one of them knows that.
Namjoon takes the lead. “We’re good. Paris shows were great, set with Halsey went over good. Busy getting ready for muster. Looking forward to coming home.”
“Ahh right, yes, you’ll be home very soon. You’re probably wondering what couldn’t wait until you get back?” Nods around the whole table. “Well, I didn’t want to wait because time is of the essence with this decision. There’s been a couple of knots in the plan for the next comeback.”
Bang PD continues on, with the rapt attention of all the members, as he talks through a few issues with schedules, their plans for appearances and partnerships. Jungkook’s head starts to feel dizzy with all of the details. He is again reminded of the sheer intricacy of their daily lives, how many moving pieces go into making their careers a success, and how much one little change can affect it all.
Jungkook finds himself losing the thread of the conversation, but he can see Namjoon following along closely. Jimin has a deep frown on his face.
Yoongi speaks up suddenly. “So, essentially, what you’re saying is that the timing doesn’t work. For the album.” He says it politely, but still clearly requesting a concise answer.
Bang PD doesn’t shy away from his bluntness. “That’s right ,Yoongi. We could do it still, have the release in October or November, but the stars aren’t aligning. Some of the things you wanted to do and we planned to coincide won’t work out. So in a way, it’s up to all of you. We can go ahead with the next album in the current schedule. But you’ll lose a lot of the things you wanted to do with it.” He gives them a moment to process that.
Jungkook feels a little shaken. They’ve had delays before, but none this significant. If they have to push the album back, that means they will only have one release this year. They haven’t done that since … well, ever. He sees the other members struggling with the idea as well. As much as they wish sometimes for a slower schedule, the thought of putting out less music … He can see the unease rippling across the room.
Just before Jungkook feels like the tension is going to crack, Bang PD speaks again.
“Or. Or we delay this release. Instead of a trilogy, we have one more album in the Map of the Soul series, we release the second mini-album and the repackage as one. You get to do everything you want to do with it. It would be February, maybe March. Connect would be a go. We could do two teasers ahead for both Yoongi and Hoseok’s call outs. And, well, this would open up some of your schedule this year. And I have a proposal for that schedule. How about a break?”
“A break?” Jungkook says, surprised.
Bang PD smiles a little. ‘That’s right, Jungkook, a break. You have all been running, running for a long time. I know you feel you have further to go and you will, but maybe now is the right time for you all to take a beat, take some breaths, look around, see where you are, before you go where you’re going. It could be your first real vacation in six years. Four weeks. Mid-August to mid-September. Four weeks with no schedule.”
Jungkook doesn’t quite know how to compute that. He’s still a little stuck on not releasing any more music this year.
“Won’t Army be disappointed? Persona would be our only release, then, this year?”
Bang PD nods, but he says, “We still have BTS World and all those collaborations. Lights will still come out in July. There’s always releasing any originals you want to work on. I’ve looked very carefully over the content releases for the rest of the year, there’s going to be lots for Army. I wouldn’t be suggesting this if I thought this wasn’t the best course of action. I promise you that.”
Jungkook looks around at his fellow members. He sees Seokjin and Yoongi nodding, even Namjoon looks less worried than he would have thought. Jimin and Taehyhung both look thoughtful. Hobi is chewing a bit on his thumb, but his leg is bouncing excitedly.
“Look.” Bang PD pulls his attention back to the screen. “The decision doesn’t need to be made right this minute. Think it over, talk about it amongst yourselves. We should decide within the next few days. Keep me up to date with what you're thinking, send me any questions. I promise, whatever you decide, you’ll have my full support.”
The guys say their goodbyes and Bang PD disappears from the screen. Silence fills the room.
Yoongi whistles softly. “A whole month off …”
Seokjin pipes up, “We could sleep.”
“We could see family and friends.” That’s Taehyung.
“We could do anything we wanted to.” Namjoon now.
Jungkook looks over at Jimin, who is deep in thought. Jungkook doesn’t say it but he thinks it. They could visit each other’s families. They could travel.
Hoseok cranes his neck around to meet Sejin’s eyes. “Hey, Sejin-nim. That thing I’ve been talking to you about. Four weeks …” He sounds hopeful.
Sejin smiles back at him. “Plenty of time to fit that in.”
Yoongi kicks Hobi under the table. “What are you planning, Hoseok-ah?”
Hosek grins a little. “It’s not a sure thing yet, just want to work out a few more things before I tell you guys.”
Suddenly the mood is light, happy. Jungkook knows they have a lot more to talk about before they formally come to a decision, but he already feels the way the wind is blowing. He starts to think about what a real break could mean.
--------------------------
They end up gathering for a group dinner to hash it all out after rehearsals that night. They eat and drink and talk, and they end the night more or less on the same page. They decide to take Bang PD’s recommendation, to delay the album, and take the break. One more night to sleep on it, and they’ll let him know their decision.
Jungkook finds himself getting more and more excited for the break. He knows two things he wants to do. He wants to start in earnest on his tattoos, he can get a solid chunk of the design done with that amount of time without intense dancing. And he wants to spend the rest with Jimin. His dream schedule would be some time in Busan with their families, and some in Seoul, hanging out with each others’ friends. And then maybe a quick trip, something to make Jimin happy, who is always so eager to see new places and do new things.
Jungkook finds himself wide awake on the long flight back to Korea. While his teammates sleep in darkness around him, he keeps his reading lamp on, sketching out designs in his notebook and making a schedule in his head. He is excited, and he pushes aside all thoughts of confronting Jimin. There will be time for that after muster. After muster, he’ll talk through it all with Jimin, they’ll clear the air, and then they can figure out their vacation.
Hoseok is in the first class pod next to him and he stirs, stretches, and looks over at Jungkook furiously sketching with his tongue between his teeth in concentration.
“Can’t sleep, Kookie?”
“No, sorry hyung, is my light bothering you?”
“No, no. Just slept enough I think. What are you working on? More tattoo designs?”
“Yeah.” Jungkook shifts so Hobi can take a look at his sketchbook. “Now that we’re going to have all this time, I can start getting some done. A lot more than I would have otherwise.”
Hoseok smiles, looking through Jungkook’s designs. “I’m glad, Jungkookie.”
“What about you, hyung? What are you going to do with your four weeks?”
Hobi grins. “I have a few plans in motion. I think I might be headed stateside.”
“The US, really? Why?”
Hobi winks at him and then says, “It’s still a secret, for now. What about you? Besides the tattoos, what do you want to do with your first real vacation in your adult life?”
Jungkook laughs. He hasn’t thought about it that way, but it is his first real vacation since he signed with BigHit when he was fourteen. He can’t quite wrap his head around it.
“I don’t know. I was thinking …” He stops, suddenly reminded of the conversation with Hoseok in the car back in Chicago. His eyes flick over to Jimin, sleeping in his pod. He can only see the corner of his face, one cheek full and plump in sleep as it is pressed against his pillow, a tuft of his hair, a little fried from too much dye, sticking out.
Hoseok notices his glance and he clears his throat, gives a small smile. “Going to spend some time together?”
Jungkook looks carefully at Hoseok’s face, but he looks open, nothing hiding beneath the surface. Hoseok is one of his closest and dearest friends, and despite all of the confusion, he trusts him with anything.
“I’d like to. We haven’t talked about it yet.” Jungkook hesitates, but then continues on. “I’d love to spend some time with our families, ya know? Together, I mean.”
Hosek gives him one of his most dazzling smiles, full of friendly happiness. “That’s great, Jungkookie. I’m sure Jimin would love that too. And his parents. You know how much they want him to be happy. Once they see how happy you make him, they’re gonna be on the moon.”
Jungkook ducks his head, feeling shy but still tingly with the happiness Hobi’s words create. “You think so? You really think I make him that happy?” He glances over at Jimin again, eyes catching on his soft skin.
The cabin is dark and dreamy, the only ones stirring in the whole of first class are Hoseok and Jungkook. It feels strangely like their dorm room in the early days, when a few of them couldn’t sleep and they would have deep and long conversations about anything and everything, while the rest of their teammates slept. Just boys, barely old enough to be on their own, living and dreaming their naive dreams.
Hobi’s voice, soft but firm, continues the nostalgic illusion. “Yeah, yeah I do. Jimin can be a slippery fish. Seems happy, but is all turmoil underneath. Takes one to know one, I guess.” Hobi looks a little sheepish, but he has come to terms with the fact that his teammates know him so well. That he can’t hide his troubles underneath the sunshine facade like he does with others, not if they don’t let him. “Anyway, he has been really happy. I can tell. And the difference is you, Kookie. You’re good for each other.”
Jungkook feels the urge to tell Hobi everything. To let the familiarity and the safety of the muted cabin carry his worries out into the open. He can trust his hyung. But instead, he smiles shyly, and says, “Thanks hyung. It’s good to hear you say that. I really … I really love him.” And it’s such a relief, to say it out loud. Even if it’s not to Jimin.
Hobi’s smle turns into a heart and he crinkles his eyes up. He doesn’t say anything more, but he leans forward and wraps his arms around Jungkook, who brings his arms up to pat at Hobi’s back. He breathes in the familiar smell of his hyung.
Jungkook pulls away and Hobi yawns a little, before saying, “One thing is for sure, we’ll all get more sleep. I’ve been thinking. Even though this change is jarring, even though I know we all want to release the album sooner, I’ve been thinking that I’m glad this happened. Bang PD-nim is right. We’ve all been running too long. We deserve this break. I think it will give us a chance to do a few things we’ve been putting off, to figure things out. Even just to stand still for a moment, and re-focus on what’s important.”
He reaches forward and tousles Jungook’s hair. “Take advantage of this time, little one. You’ll blink and it’ll be gone.”
Jungkook smiles at the term of endearment, one that his older hyungs only break out when they’re feeling truly sentimental.
“I will, hyung, I promise.”
------------------------
Jimin surprises him at the airport. They had planned to head back to the dorm with the other guys. They have an early morning schedule tomorrow, and it’s just easier for everyone if they’re in one place. But Jimin jumps into the car next to him and asks the driver to take them to Jungkook’s apartment instead.
Once the car moves off, Jungkook whispers to Jimin in surprise, “But hyung, I haven’t been there in months. There won’t be any food.”
Jimin smiles mischievously. “I’m not hungry. Are you?” He licks his lips and watches as Jungkook tracks the movement carefully.
“No … no, I’m ok.” A thrill moves down his spine as he sees the look in Jimin’s eyes.
They ride in silence the rest of the way, but the car is filled with the electricity of unspoken tension. Jungkooks feels like a live wire, just waiting for a connection to let off a spark.
Once they pull up to Jungkook’s complex, Jimin grabs his hand and pulls him forward, waiting impatiently as Jungkook punches in his code, and then waves to the security detail inside, who raise their eyebrows at seeing him after so long, but nod respectfully at both him and Jimin.
They wait a few moments for the elevator, and Jimin brushes the back of his hand against Jungkook’s. Jungkook feels the hairs on the back of his hand stand up. He doesn’t know what it is, they had sex just a few nights ago, but Jungkook feels like it’s the first time again. Maybe it’s the uncertainty of what comes next.
They enter the elevator and Jungkook hits the button for his floor. Jimin is suddenly really close, and he asks, “Security cameras?”
Jungkook actually looks around, even though if there were any they would be hidden behind paneling. “I don’t know, actually.”
He looks back at Jimin, who is zeroing in on him, walking forward as Jungkook backs up. He feels the possibility of this moment, all sharp edges and soft turns, jumbling up in his stomach. Jimin looks like he might eat him.
Jungkook feels like a thread pulled taut, ready to fray apart. “Fuck it,” he whispers and he surges forward. Jimin is already moving forward to meet him, and as their lips meet, Jungkook feels the force of Jimin’s eagerness push him back against the elevator wall.
The kiss is hot, wanton, all teeth and tongue. Jimin’s hands are on either side of Jungkook’s face, gripping him tightly, not allowing him to pull back to breathe as he licks and bites into Jungkook's mouth.
Jungkook doesn’t know what has gotten into Jimin, but he gives himself over to it. He drags his hands down Jimin’s back and grips his ass through his jeans, pulling him harder against his body. Jimin moans wantonly into his mouth and grinds his hips forward. Jungkook shifts a bit so that his thigh is stuck between Jimin’s legs. Jimin immediately starts rutting against it.
Jungkook finally manages to pull back, panting frantically as he tries to catch his mind up to his body. He can feel that Jimin is already hard against his leg. He stutters out a breath and says, “Fuck, hyung, how are you so hot?”
Jimin tips his head back, exposing his neck. Jungkook can see the tip of his crooked tooth. He feels the heat of his want pulse higher.
“I’m hot? Kookie, your thighs alone …” Jungkook arches an eyebrow in interest. Jimin doesn’t usually wax poetic about his thighs until he’s far gone. Admittedly, he is currently rocking his body against one of them.
Jungkook grips his ass harder and pulls him all the way forward so their chests are tight together, stilling Jimn’s movement. He feels wild as he says, “You like my thighs? Like this?” and he presses the leg between Jimin’s up hard so that Jimin can feel it tight against his cock.
Jimin groans. “Yes, love it, want more, could get off just from this.” As he says it, he keeps circling his hips.
“Is that right? I don’t think you could.” He says it to tease him, slipping into a playful head space.
Jimin narrows his eyes and says, “Want to bet?” as he picks up the pace of his hips, groaning and burrowing his face into Jungkook’s neck.
Jungkook chuckles and says, “Bet,” before being startled by the door of the elevator opening. Oh right, they’re in an elevator. He can tell from the slack jawed expression on Jimin’s face that he had momentarily forgotten as well.
They quickly push apart, laughing as they exit and make their way down to Jungkook’s door, Jimin laughing so hard that Jungkook has to practically carry him over the threshold.
Jungkook does end up picking him up once they are inside.“Yah, hyung, you can’t even walk!”
He whips him up so that he’s flung over his shoulder and gives him a quick slap on the ass, before making his way through the darkened apartment, flipping on lights as he goes, and even stopping briefly at the thermostat to make sure it is automating once he entered the apartment as it was programmed to do.
Once he makes it to his bedroom, neat and clean thanks to the cleaning service that comes through every few weeks, he drops Jimin down on the bed. A few more giggles escape him as he bounces and then stills.
He looks up from under hooded eyes, and says, “I know what I want if I win the bet.”
Jungkook is lost for a moment. “Bet? What, hyung, I thought we were joking!”
Jimin huffs and crosses his arms, a pout breaking out on his face. “You think I can’t do it!”
And this is how Jungkook finds himself, minutes later, sitting up against the headboard of the bed, stripped down to his briefs, with Jimin in his lap, wearing the same, kissing desperately as Jimin grinds down.
Jungkook pulls back and grits out between clenched teeth, “You’re cheating.”
Jimin makes an outraged noise. “Am not!”
“You said you could get off on just my thigh.”
“Hmmph, fine!” Jimin scoots backward a bit with Jungkook’s help until he's straddling Jungkook’s right thigh, which he is angling up helpfully. Now that Jimin is no longer grinding down on his own hard length, his head feels a little clearer and he is determined to win this bet. He wants Jimin to beg for his hands or his mouth.
But Jimin is another creature entirely when he has a goal in mind, and his competitive streak rivals Jungkook’s. Jungkook watches, slack jawed with his own lust, as Jimin rides his thigh, his cock hard and clearly outlined in his briefs where it rubs against the bare skin of Jungkook’s bunched leg muscles.
Jimin’s hands drag up his own chest to play at his nipples, head tipping back as he chases his pleasure. Jungkook grabs his hands away, entwining their fingers together.
Jimin whines, but Jungkook tuts. “You said just my thigh, remember?”
Jimin narrows his eyes, but then he grips onto Jungkook’s hands harshly, using the strength of their arms for levredge as he rocks back and forth.
“Fuck, your thighs, Jungkook, they’re so distracting, you know? When you dance, I can’t stop thinking about them, about this. I’ve thought about doing this when I touch myself, it always makes me come so fast.”
Jungkook moans, and suddenly he thinks he wouldn’t mind so much if he lost. “Bet you look so good when you do that, bet you look so gorgeous, just like now.”
Jimin basks in Jungkook’s praises, hips picking up their pace as he holds tightly onto the grip of Jungook’s hands with both of his. Jungkook finds he can’t stop talking, in a haze of lust as he watches Jimin’s body falling apart.
“Fuck, use me, god, you look so good, I’m going to think about you just like this later, all mine, Jimin, come for me, come for me.”
Jimin throws his head back as his hips stutter, bucking frantically as he shouts, “Yes, yes, yes, oh god, yes, I’m coming, I’m coming, aaaahahaha!” His last words blend into a half moan, half laugh, as he rides out his orgasm.
Jungkook gathers him up in his arms, laughing in joy with him. Jimin peppers kisses all over Jungkook’s face as he catches his breath. “Don’t you dare doubt me again, Jeon Jungkook.”
“Never again, hyung.” He grins, feeling hot and tingly all over as Jimin settles in his lap, his own cock still painfully hard between his legs, something he knows Jimin can feel.
“Well now that we have your deep disloyalty under wraps,” Jimin punctuates the statement with a loud, wet smack on the lips. “Time for my reward.”
“And that is?”
Jimin leans even closer and kisses him again, drawing it out this time, coaxing Jungkook into a deep kiss, chests rising and falling faster again. Jimin finally pulls away, gasping, and then gives Jungkook his “I’m about to do something bad” face.
“Since I won, I get to be fucked by you, any way I want.”
Jungkook can’t help but laugh. “Hyung, you could get that anyways.”
“Uh uh, you still haven’t done it this way for me yet.”
Jungkook quirks an eyebrow in curiosity, mind trying to focus. “Haven’t done what yet?”
Jimin traces his fingers up and down Jungkook’s arms meaningfully. “You were too worried, that I couldn’t be quiet, that you might drop me and some manager would hear and come running.”
Jungkook finally gets it. “Ohhhhh. Ummmm, yeah, ok, I think I can do that.”
Jimin grins and then he’s lunging for the bedside table where he knows there will be a bottle of lube. They’ve forgone condoms after getting tested and waiting the right amount of time.
Jungkook starts to think about the logistics as they continue to make out, multitasking as he strips them both of their underwear and uses his fingers to open Jimin up. Soon, he’s hard again and whispering insistent words in Jungkook’s ear, that he’s ready, that he wants him, to get inside of him now.
He still needs to be careful, but he’s been benching more in the gym and he’s not worried about holding the weight. He’s more worried about getting caught up and uncoordinated, but if they stay near the bed, it should be able to catch their fall if need be.
They are a bit awkward as they go to start, neither of them knowing how to do this smoothly.
Finally, Jungkook just grabs Jimin up by the ass and pins him against the wall next to the bed, Jimin’s legs wrapped around his waist. Jimin gasps as Jungkooks drags his tongue and teeth down his neck. “Using the wall is cheating,” he whines.
Jungkook murmurs into his neck, “Just to get us started, don’t worry, hyung.”
Jimin nods frantically. “Ok, ok, just want you.”
Jungkook doesn’t waste anymore time, shifting them and letting go of Jimin with one hand so he can line his cock up, and then he lets gravity drag Jimin down, inch by inch.
Jimin moans once he is settled and Jungkook lets out the breath he was holding. He then takes a few shuffling steps away from the wall until he’s holding Jimin in the air, still full to the brim with Jungkook. Jimin keeps his arms tightly around Jungkook’s neck, body stiff and upright, but Jungkook places a few kisses just below his ear and says, “It’s alright, hyung, relax, lean back into my arms a bit.”
Jimin hesitates, but then follows directions, titling back until there’s more space between their torsos, trusting Jungkook to hold his weight, his hands grasping onto Jungkook’s biceps tightly.
“Hang on, hyung.” Jungkook says, trying to be cheeky, and then he starts thrusting in and out, using his arms to try to keep Jimin as steady as possible, as he uses his lower body to do the work.
There’s no way to do this except hard and fast, so Jungkook doesn’t hesitate. Jimin immediately throws his head back and whines, voice vibrating with the force of Jungkook’s thrusts. He’s using his upper body strength to stay in place as well, helping Jungkook with the stability, and Jungkook can see every muscle in his torso clenching as he rides out the sensation.
Jungkook has been on edge for so long, since the elevator, he knows he’s not going to last long, especially since he can’t really slow down and pace himself like he normally would. Jimin raises his head back up and locks eyes with Jungkook. His cheeks are pink, approaching a stark red and his lips are parted, his teeth gritted as he takes the full force of Jungkook’s efforts. He can probably see how far gone Jungkook is, because he just holds on and grits out, “Fuck me, ahhh, yes, fuck me, fuck me harder.”
Jungkook obliges, somehow picking up his speed even more, and soon he is gasping and stuttering, his body on autopilot as he comes, hard. Jungkook hears the sound of their bodies meeting take on a wetter sound, and he quickly pivots so that he can lay Jimin down on the bed, barely getting him down before his shaky legs collapse and he’s on his knees on the floor, his torso covering Jimin’s lower body, head resting on his stomach as he breathes in great gasps.
Jimin is cradling Jungkook’s head with his arms, also catching his breath. He leans forward to wipe Jungkook’s hair back from his sweaty forehead and plants a kiss there. “Fuck, Jungkook, that was incredible. You’re fucking amazing.”
Jungkook sucks in a breath and looks up at Jimin then, before giving him a little smile and saying, “I’m not done yet.” Jimin is still hard beneath him and he quickly pulls back a bit and takes him in his mouth. It doesn’t take much work before Jimin is pulling at his hair, crying that he’s going to come again. Jungkook pulls back so that his release drips down his knuckles and across Jimn’s thighs, before joining Jungkook’s own cum as it drips from his hole.
“Fuck,” Jungkook says, awed by how hot the sight is, sure that he’ll never forget it. He thought he knew what intimacy was, but every day Jimin is showing him a new facet of it, and he is always surprised by his hunger for more.
They clean up and take a shower together, Jungkook practically falling asleep on his feet under the hot spray. Jimin giggles, but he helps him wash up and dries him off with a fluffy towel, before leading him to the bed and tucking him in.
Jungkook blinks sleepily at him as he turns to leave the room and says, “Hyung, you’re not staying?”
Jimin smiles at him. “I slept a lot on the plane. I’m just going to send a few messages before I try to sleep again. I owe Sungwoon a call too, and some others. I don’t want to keep you up.”
Jungkook nods, wanting so much to talk with Jimin about so many things, but feeling sleep pull him down. He feels reassured by the intensity of Jimin’s want for him. They have time.
--------------------
Jimin is obviously feeling self conscious. Jungkook hasn’t seen him this self conscious in a long time. He keeps looking in the mirror, turning his head this way and that, and then fussing with the fronts and sides of his hair.
He pouts as he gets his makeup done, too professional to indicate too overtly that he’s unhappy with his hair cut, but it’s obvious to anyone who really knows him. Jungkook hears the ping of a message and he leans away from any nearby staff as he reads.
Jimin-hyung
I look ridiculous
Jungkook cuts his eyes over to Jimin to try to catch his eyes, but he won’t look up from his phone. He’s being stubborn.
Jungkook
Don’t be silly hyung, of course you don’t! It’s shorter than you usually do but you still look great!
Jimin-hyung
Great. I do not look great. I’ve gained weight too and my hair just makes my cheeks look even chubbier now.
Jungkook sighs. They all prefer the lean way they look just before comeback, especially with so many people watching them, but they all also know that a bit of healthy weight gain on tour is inevitable. Jimin is especially sensitive to it, never really recovering from the disappointment he used to have with his chubby cheeks when he was younger.
Jungkook wishes he could make him understand how much he loved his face back then, even if it’s not the way that Jimin wanted to look. He thinks carefully about what to send next, knowing Jimin will only feel worse if he thinks Jungkook is patronizing or coddling him.
Jungkook
I was actually thinking that you look younger hyung but that’s not a bad thing! I sort of desperately want to kiss you right now.
He watches Jimin read the text and sees a small smile ghost across his lips. He looks up and meets Jungkook’s eyes in the mirror. Jungkook winks at him and he sees Jimin snort in laughter, causing his makeup artist to scold him for making her mess up.
Jimin is properly chastised, and he puts his phone away and lets the stylist do her thing, adding some commentary here and there. Jungkook can tell he’s feeling a bit better if he’s getting bossy about his makeup.
Jungkook turns back to going over his script, wanting tonight to go as perfectly as possible. He doesn’t raise his head again until he hears Namjoon and Seokjin tumble into the room, both having been off filming something for the DVD extras. They are clearly in a bit of a giddy mood, making each other laugh in the way they only can with each other.
Namjoon catches Jimin’s eye as he passes by, and he stops short. “Jimin-ah, you look so cute today! Is something different?”
Jimin blushes a bit at the compliment. He reaches up to touch his hair. “Hair cut, hyung.”
Namjoon is clearly in a silly mood because he actually reaches forward and pinches one of Jimin’s cheeks. “Yah, you look five years younger all of a sudden! So cute!”
Jimin pushes his hand away but he’s laughing and his eyes are sparkling. Jungkook secretly blesses Namjoon for obliviously being exactly what Jimin needed in that moment.
And Jimin, as he knows how to do so well, leans into it. He is extra adorable all night, especially once they are in their throw-back outfits for the last songs of the night.
By the time they get to that point, they are all flying high off the endorphins of the show. Stadiums are thrilling, but muster is always special, and the small venue gives off a feeling of family.
Jimin laughs and plays with his teammates and Army, his overalls and cap a time machine that make him appear to be the full-cheeked, laughing boy he was when they debuted. Everytime Jungkook looks at Jimin, each time they interact on stage, he can feel his heart stutter with how much he loves him. Memories wash over him of Jimin at aged 18, aged 17, full of bravado, but also deeply insecure, radiating determination but also clearly desperate to be part of the team, to be loved.
Suddenly Jungkook is 15 again, following his hyung around the stage like a puppy dog with heart eyes. They finish the show in brilliant bursts of love, and stumble back stage, exhausted but talking excitedly.
Jimin keeps laughing with his whole body, leaning into Jungkook and cracking jokes as they get changed. They tumble into the car. Jimin talks about wanting to go on live to visit with Army, especially since they’re home in Busan, and it is lit up purple for them.
They part at the elevator with a promise to connect once Jimin is done with the live. Jungkook tunes in while he’s doing his night time routine, smiling at how flirtatious Jimin is on camera. He envies it sometimes. He often worries that he’s stiff and self conscious on live, not sure what to do with his hands, what he should say to convey his love and gratitude to the fans watching.
He hears Jimin wrapping it up as he finishes up with his skincare, and he quickly throws on his sweats and t-shirt and heads over to Jimin’s room, knocking on the door quietly.
Jimin opens it in about three seconds, obviously waiting for Jungkook’s knock. He grabs him by the arm, giggling already, and pulls him to the window.
“I still can’t get over the lights, can you? It’s so pretty!”
Jungkook oohs and aahs over the view for a few moments, before turning his gaze to Jimin. His face is full and shining.
Jungkook feels the emotions of the day wash over him. How happy he is to be back in Korea, in their hometown, being playful with Army, and with this beautiful boy in his arms, who he’s been in love with since he was fifteen, finally his.
He cups Jimin’s cheeks and does what he’s wanted to all night, he kisses them, one after the other and, he can’t help it, he punctuates each kiss with the three words he’s been holding back since that night in New York.
“I love you. I love you. I love you so much.” He finishes by pressing a passionate kiss to Jimin’s lips.
He pulls away, feeling like he has something heavy off of his chest, feeling light and airy. Then he sees the look on Jimin’s face and the weight slams back down.
Jimin is staring fixedly at a spot just beyond Jungkook’s shoulder, and the light has gone out of his face. He looks guilty. Jungkook seems him swallow hard, and he rushes to fix it. He grips Jimin’s shoulders and a rush of words spill out. “I’m sorry, sorry hyung, I know we’re supposed to be taking it slow. Forget I said that.”
Jimin’s eyes snap to his, and he looks even more upset. Jungkook shuts up, wondering how he somehow made things worse. Then he feels confused. Should Jimin really be upset? He’s known since New York that Jungkook loves him. What, he’s not allowed to say it, ever, until Jimin does?
Jimin still isn’t saying anything, just standing there looking like he might run, and Jungkook feels his frustration flare. He’s been waiting, just waiting for Jimin to confide in him and he hasn't been, and now he’s pulling away from Jungkook because he’s expressing how he feels? He feels a white hot shot of anger mixed with pain shoot up his chest. He lets go of Jimin’s arms and takes a step back, unable to control his words.
“What is going on with you?” His words are sharp and Jimin flinches, and then stiffens, crossing his arms.
“Nothing is ‘going on with me.’ What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means exactly what I asked.” Jungkook’s frustration is in control now, words whipping out fast.
“Well then the answer is exactly what I said.”
Jungkook huffs and runs one of his hands through his hair in ire. “So everything is perfectly ok, we’re perfectly ok?”
Jimin’s eyes narrow further, but he stubbornly juts out his chin, and says, “Yes, aren’t we?”
“Don’t throw this all back on me!”
“You’re the one who is making a big deal out of nothing!”
That stops Jungkook in his tracks. He’s never known Jimin to make him feel bad for reacting a certain way to something. Jungkook feels deeply hurt. He’s not making this up, but Jimin is acting like he is. He doesn’t know what to do, feels like if he opens his mouth again he’s going to start crying or yelling, neither of which he wants to do in front of Jimin right now.
So instead, he runs both hands through his hair in distress again, and then, even though it makes him feel like an immature kid, he turns on his heel and stalks out of the room, letting the door slam behind him once he’s out.
Part of him desperately wants to hear Jimin following him out, calling his name. Another part wants nothing more than to make it to his room alone so he can bury his face in his bed.
Either way, it’s not up to him, and he makes it to his room alone because no one is following him. He flops face down on the bed and lets a few tears leak out onto his pillow. Now that he’s alone in his dark hotel room, all of his anger is gone and he’s left feeling cold and brittle. He wishes he could just walk back to Jimin’s room and hug him, make up. But he worries he won’t get a hug if he goes back, so instead he curls onto his side and squeezes his eyes tightly shut. Eventually, a long time later, he slips into troubled sleep.
He wakes up a few hours later with a headache. He squints at the unfamiliar alarm clock in the dark room. It’s three in the morning. He stumbles out of bed and grabs a glass of water and an aspirin, drinking quickly at the bathroom sink before stumbling back to bed. His phone is blinking messages at him from the floor where it must have fallen as he slept.
He picks it up as he flops into bed and sees that he has ten missed calls, all from Jimin. Shit. He had his phone on silent. The last call came in an hour ago, but stil, he doesn’t hesitate to hit the button to dial him back.
Jimin picks up on the first ring. “Jungkook?” His voice sounds tinny and small, and also like he’s maybe been crying.
“Jimin, hyung, sorry, I fell asleep, my phone --”
“Don’t apologize, I should be apologizing. I’m sorry I was such a jerk, I don’t know why I acted that way, I don’t know what is going on with me but you’re right, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean --”
“Hyung, hey, don’t, don’t cry. It’s ok, it’s ok--”
“It’s not ok, It’s not, you said those lovely things to me and I treat you that way, what kind of a person does that --”
“Hey, hyung, don’t. Wait, just wait. Can you just come here?”
He hears a hiccup on the other line, and then a sniff, and Jimin says, “Yeah, ok, hang on.”
He hangs up with a click, but a few minutes later he hears Jimin letting himself in, the door clicking quietly open and close, and Jimin’s footsteps approaching the bed. Jungkook flings open the covers and Jimin crawls in, curling immediately into Jungkook’s chest, and nuzzling his face into his neck.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers into his skin. Jungkook can feel the wetness of tears on Jimin’s cheeks.
Jungkook squeezes him tightly and pulls him up so he can plant kisses, for the second time this night, on those cheeks. He doesn’t say anything, still doesn’t understand, but he places kisses over every inch of Jimin’s face until his tears stop.
They settle into each other’s arms. Jimin lets out a shaky breath and then says, “I’m so lucky. So lucky to have you. I don’t know why you put up with me.”
“Hyung--” Jungook starts but Jimin interrupts him.
“No, I mean it. You’re so sweet, Jungkook, and caring, and all you were trying to do was express that and I just made it into a bigger deal than I needed to. I just feel ... “
And suddenly Jungkook can’t bear to hear another word. As much as he wants Jimin to talk to him, he doesn’t know if he can stand to hear if Jimin is uncertain in his feelings towards him. Not tonight. Not in the dark of this strange hotel room in the middle of the night.
So he shushes Jimin, placing a kiss on his lips and says, “Hyung, why don’t we wait. Talk in the morning, if we can, or tomorrow, after the shows are done. We’re both exhausted. We still have another show to get through. We’re ok, I promise. Let’s just go to sleep.”
Jungkook can’t see Jimin super clearly in the dark but he looks a little struck by that, like he might start crying again. But then his face softens and he kisses Jungkook back and says, “Yeah, ok, let’s do that, sorry, we can go to sleep.”
They sleep, but neither of them well. They don’t talk in the morning, not about the fight anyways. They pull through, they have a good show. They part the day after, both off to visit their respective families in Busan. They both know there is so much more to say, but they don’t say it. And when they’re back in Seoul, busy with schedules, it’s easy to let it go, let it linger unsaid.
They talk, they hang out, they even have sex. But there’s something hesitant in everything they do, as if they’re walking on eggshells. As the others make plans for their upcoming vacation and share them excitedly with the group, Jimin and Jungkook deflect any questions and avoid the subject with one another. Hoseok even finally lets them know about his planned collaboration in the US, and they all get drunk in celebration with him in the dorm that night.
Still, even with tongues and hearts loosened with alcohol, both boys stay stubbornly silent on the subject. When they have sex that night, it’s rough and hot, and Jungkook again feels the force of Jimin’s desire for him. But Jungkook feels empty at the end, lying in bed while Jimin sleeps beside him. He feels tangled up. He feels utterly lost. And he doesn’t know how to make his way back.
-------------------------------------
Slowly, over the course of the next few weeks, they make their way back to one another. It starts, weirdly enough, with a meme of Jimin that Jungkook finds on twitter that makes him laugh so hard he cries. He wants to send it to Jimin, but he hesitates. And he hates that he does. He never would have before. He would have sent it to Jimin and threatened to send it to the group chat.
So Jungkook decides that he’s tired of the careful dancing around each other that Jimin and him have been doing, considering every word and text to keep this delicate balance that they have. If nothing else, they still have their friendship, and no matter what, Jungkook wants to keep that strong. So he sends the meme to Jimin, along with a countdown clock showing ten minutes until he posts it in the group chat.
Five minutes later, he hears someone running down the hall and Jimin bursts into his room. Jungkook is already laughing hard, and he laughs even harder when he sees how Jimin is practically in tears. He throws his body at Jungkook and he starts yelling incomprehensible things, garbled by his laughter, and Jungkook can’t do anything but hold on.
Taehyung pops his head in, attracted by the noise, and Jimin tries to physically restrain Jungkook, but ends up getting dragged across the room on Jungkook’s back as he brings his phone over to show Taehyung, who joins in egging him on to post it. They end up all three of them on Jungkook’s bed, talking and laughing for hours, and Jungkook feels happier than he has in weeks.
Their time together takes on an easier, more open tone after that, and Jungkook is determined to be happy about it. They will have so much time once their break hits to figure things out. He knows he’s being a bit of a coward, but there are a thousand things to keep him busy, and each moment of calm with Jimin feels like a breath of fresh air. He realises that he’s quickly become dependent on Jimin as a respite from the daily chaos of their lives, and he clings to that. Plus, he’s just plain scared.
The thought of losing Jimin is terrifying, in so many ways. Having wanted him and keeping his longings under wraps for so long, and then getting to love him now, touch him, make him laugh in that special way, make his body sing under his, he can't imagine going back to how things used to be. It would be like scooping his own heart out of his chest. But he also knows that he would do anything to keep their friendship intact. So he chooses the easy path, which is to let things be.
They ride this wave through their Japanese comeback and their time spent there in concerts. He is generally happy, but he finds himself becoming more nervous the faster their break approaches, rather than excited, like the rest of the guys. He keeps flashing back to the conversation with his eomma when he was in London. He’s still more happy than upset, but the question she asked him keeps whispering at him whenever he has a quiet moment to himself.
In the end, Jungkook leaves it too long and he can only blame himself when he gets caught out. They’re back in Korea, rehearsing for the Lotte family concert, their last public appearance before their break. They still have a week until the show, but they’re reminding themselves of older choreo and it’s nice to not be rushed for once.
They spend the day sweating it out in the practice studio, following along as Sungdeuk takes them through the deja vu feeling of re-learning old choreo. They call it a day in the early evening, but they’re all still splayed out across the practise room floor, catching their breath, working out some sore muscles and guzzling water, as they catch up with messages and emails.
Sungdeuk shuffles over and sits down with them, thanking them for their hard work, and adding in any last minute notes for them to think about ahead of next practise.
Since he has all of their attention and they're not rushing off, he asks, “So, just a short time until your month off. What are your plans?”
Namjoon excitedly rattles off all the museums he’s planning to visit. Yoongi wants a quiet month filled with writing. Seokjin just says, “Sleep. Game,” making them all laugh. Taehyung has elaborate plans with friends for some in country bonding, followed by a good chunk of time at home. They all know Hoseok’s big plans, and Sungdeuk asks him a few last minute questions about the plans for the music video.
“What about you, Jimin-ah?”
Jungkook whips his head over to look, expecting Jimin to deflect the question. But he doesn’t.
“Oh, ummm, yeah, well I’ve always felt like I wanted more time in so many cities we’ve visited. And some friends were able to get some windows of time off too, so actually I’m going to travel for most of it. I’m headed home for a bit but then I’m going to Paris with Sungwoon, then I’m off to Moscow, and then right to Hawaii.”
Jungkook feels like he’s been doused with cold water. He can’t be hearing this right. Jimin is staring fixedly at his sneakers as he talks, tying them slowly and tightly. Jungkook looks around at the other members and sees them nodding along, unsurprised. It hits Jungkook like a brick. They have all heard about Jimin’s plans. Everyone but him. He swallows quickly and tries to hide his hurt.
Sungdeuk whistles. “Ambitious plans.”
Jimn looks up, but he avoids Jungkook’s eyes. Jungkook stares hard at the floor, barely hearing as Jimin answers, his ears starting to ring. “Yeah, well, I don’t want to let this time go to waste. When are we going to have this chance again?”
Jungkook looks up eventually to see everyone’s eyes on him. “Huh?” he says.
Sungdeuk speaks, obviously repeating himself. “What about you, Kookie?”
Jungkook clears his throat, feeling flustered and like the world’s biggest idiot. He looks everywhere but at Jimin, and he hears himself stutter out something about spending time with family and friends, and getting his tattoos started. It sounds pathetic to his own ears.
His eyes betray him and he glances at Jimin, who is now looking at him, along with everyone else, as he makes a fool of himself. His eyes are wide, sad. Jungkook can’t stand it and he pushes to his feet, mumbling about needing to grab something from the artists’ lounge.
He knows his exit is abrupt and if he wanted to try to hide that Jimin’s plans were a surprise to him, he’s failed completely.
He hears footsteps catch up to him as he power walks down the hall, determined to put as much space between him and the source of his pain as possible. He feels an arm swing around his shoulders, and he looks over to see Taehyung matching his steps. He doesn’t say anything, just squeezes Jungkook closer with his arm and Jungkook is thankful for his silence. He really doesn’t want to cry right now.
They make it to the doors of the artists’ lounge and Jungkook doesn't want to keep up with the pretense, so he just stops and sighs.
Taehyung says, “Let hyung buy you dinner?”
Jungkook pauses, knowing that what he really wants is to be alone so he can wallow in his hurt, but he can tell that Taehyung won’t let it go, so he just says, “Sure hyung.”
He lets Taehyung lead him to the elevators while he texts a manager to get a lift to a nearby restaurant that always keeps a few private rooms open for celebrity clientele. Jungkook gets a text as they get in the elevator.
Jimin-hyung
Kookie. Please. :( I can explain.
Jungkook
Don’t. Just don’t.
He puts his phone on airplane mode and pockets it.
Taehyung chats about a few things in the car on the way to the restaurant. Jungkook just stares sullenly out of the window.
When they get to the restaurant, Taehyung orders several servings of fried chicken and two pints of beer. Jungkook chugs half of the glass in one go while Taehyung sips a bit at his, and then orders himself a coke, putting his glass in front of Jungkook too. Jungkook loves Taehyung so much in that moment.
The beer dulls the sharp edges of his hurt a little bit. Taehyung and him munch in silence for several minutes. Eventually though, Taehyung wipes a sleeve across his mouth and starts in.
“Jungkook, what you have to understand about Jimin--”
“Seriously, hyung, that’s how you’re starting?”
Taehyung looks a bit guilty and then huffs. “Sorry, you’re right. I shouldn’t sit here and try to explain his behaviour to you.”
Jungkook doesn’t say anything, but he’s appreciative that Taehyung gets it. He is Jimin’s best friend, and he has no doubt that Taehyung probably has a lot of answers to questions Jungkook has right now. But he also knows that whatever Jimin told him in confidence won’t be shared at this table, and he can’t take it if Taehyung tries to make him feel better with platitudes.
“Can I just say one thing, though, as your friend, not as his?”
Jungkook nods, wiping his hands and sitting up a bit.
“Maybe take this time apart as something that is partly good.”
Jungkook feels the sliver of ice that was planted earlier slide a little deeper. “What do you mean, hyung? You think we shouldn’t be spending time together?” He knows he sounds whiny, but he can’t help it.
“No, not that you shouldn’t be spending time together. Just that since you will be, since Jimin has made this decision, maybe think of it as some time for both of you to really think about what you want, what’s best for you. And when I say you, I mean you, Jungkook, not the two of you.”
Jungkook feels bitter. Clearly Taehyung knows why Jimin has made this choice to spend the entirety of their break totally inaccessible to Jungkook. Clearly Jimin has confided in him, and clearly Taehyung feels the need to prompt Jungkook to accept it.
Jungkook feels all rough edges, but he doesn’t want to fight with his hyung, doesn’t want to take the anger he feels towards Jimin and point it at his friend, so he just huffs and says, “Maybe. I guess I don’t really have a choice, do I?”
Taehyung reaches out then and places his hand on Jungkook’s arm, prompting him to break out of his pout and look him in the eyes. “We always have a choice. Look, just, I want to make sure you don’t waste this time as a result of Jimin’s decisions. Don’t let him ruin this break for you. It’s still such a good thing for all of us, and I want it to be a good thing for you too, despite this, ok?”
Jungkook starts. It suddenly occurs to him that maybe Taehyung is angry at Jimin too, angry for putting Jungkook in this position, for keeping him in the dark. He’s here with him after all, instead of with Jimin, who, despite being the orchestrator of this situation, is very likely upset too, judging from his text.
Taehyung wouldn’t say it, but it somehow makes Jungkook feel better that maybe he’s a little bit on his side too. Jungkook nods and promises his hyung that he’ll still find a way to make the most of the break.
They finish up their drinks and head back to the dorm together. Jungkook is tempted to go to his apartment where he’ll be out of Jimin’s reach, but he knows Taehyung will talk him out of it, so he goes along with the flow, feeling a bit numb and desperately wanting his bed.
They get to the apartment, kick off their shoes, and walk together towards the stairs that lead upstairs. It’s dark, but the tv is flickering in front of the communal lounge area. Jungkook stops short when he sees that Jimin is curled up on the couch, eyes wide as he watches Taehyung and Jungkook walk in.
Namjoon is beside him, arm around his shoulders, clearly comforting him. Namjoon pulls away when he sees Jungkook. Suddenly Jungkook feels a bright flare of anger wash over him and when Jimin says, “Jungkook,” he can’t stand to be there. He heads determinedly for the stairs, taking them two at a time. God, just let him make it to his room, let him just collapse on his bed and pass out, let him not have to sit there and hear all the reasons why Jimin chose not to tell him about his whirlwind trip around the world.
He makes it to his room and he closes and locks the door, but he can’t even make it to his bed. He leans his back against the door and slides down until he’s seated, running his hands through the carpet. He closes his eyes and lets the hurt wash over him. He knows he’s being childish, but he can’t move past all the choices Jimin has made over the last few months. To not talk to him, to keep things from him, to plan to be on the opposite side of the planet. Jungook remembers when he cried out those “I love yous” in Busan and he feels humiliated.
Jimin doesn’t love him. That’s the answer that he’s been running from, that he has refused to allow himself to think about. Not only that, because that alone Jungkook already came to terms with, but he obviously doesn’t think he’s going to be able to. And of course, Jimin’s too nice, too caught up, to just let Jungkook down easy. He’s probably scared of the consequences, of what it might do to the group, if Jungkook gets his heart broken, if he holds a grudge.
Jungkook draws in a shaky breath and then he lets the tears roll down his face, crying quietly in case anyone is moving around upstairs. Eventually he feels wrung out like a wet rag and he stands up and stumbles the few feet to his bed, where he crawls in, clothes on and face unwashed, and lets the dark swathe of sleep pull him down.
-----------------
He wakes up early the next day, feeling gross from sleeping in his clothes and with his teeth unbrushed. He tries to keep his tiredness wrapped around him like a cloak so his thoughts won’t intrude as he gets up to head toward the bathroom. He quietly opens his door, not wanting to wake any of the hyungs this early.
He’s startled out of his fog by the sight of Jimin sitting in the hallway, slumped against the wall opposite Jungkook’s door. His knees are pulled up and his head is resting against the wall, asleep. He looks small and cold, although he has a small throw draped over his legs, probably placed there by one of the hyungs.
Jungkook suddenly feels bad for the other members, caught up in their fight. And he feels ashamed. They went about this so maturely at first, determined to not let their relationship affect the group. And now Jungkook is storming off, and slamming doors, and clearly making Jimin sleep in the hallway out of concern.
He sighs, softening slightly and determined to get this over with. He crouches down and shakes Jimin’s shoulder lightly, trying not to startle him. Jimin jerks despite his efforts and looks up at Jungkook blearily. “Kook? Wha time issit?” An automatic question, usually uttered softly in the light of a hotel room, comfortably enveloped in Jungkook’s arms. It sounds out of place in the cold darkness of their dorm hallway.
Jungkook whispers back, “It’s five am, hyung. I’ve got to brush my teeth, why don’t you go in.” He nods towards his room. “I’ll be in in a sec.”
Jimin nods, looking grateful for Jungkook’s olive branch, and Jungkook heads to the bathroom. He feels numb as he brushes his teeth and washes his face. He heads back to his room quickly, wanting to get this part over with.
Jimin is seated in his desk chair when Jungkook re-enters, a hand rubbing at his neck, probably cricked from sleeping upright all night.
Jungkook sits on the edge of his bed and looks Jimin right in the face, feeling so distant from the storm of his emotions the previous night.
“You shouldn’t have slept like that, hyung, your neck doesn’t need the strain.”
Jimin grimaces, looking guilty. “I know. I just … I didn’t want to miss you.”
“Why? Why does it suddenly matter to you how I feel about this?”
Jimin looks hurt, but he responds calmly. “It’s always mattered. You always matter. I’m sorry that I made you feel like you don’t. I know it’s all my fault.”
“If I always matter, then why didn’t you tell me about your plans? Why tell everyone but me?” Jungkook feels like someone else is talking with his voice. He thought he would yell or cry, but he just wants the answers he knows he’s going to get, and then he wants to be left alone.
Jimin’s eyes glisten with tears, and for once Jungkook doesn’t feel the urge to wipe them away, to say whatever it takes to make Jimin feel better.
“I … I don’t know Kookie. I was afraid, I guess.” Jungkook says nothing to that. It’s not a real answer.
“Look, I know I owe you more of an explanation than that, I know I owe you so much, but …” And Jungkook feels Jimin’s hesitance like a knife, the first bright spot of pain since he woke up this morning. He lashes out in return.
“You don’t owe me anything. That’s the point, you only owe me what you want to give me. And apparently what you want to give me is distance.”
Jimin looks scared, and Jungkook has to close his eyes, starting to feel the pull again to go to him, to comfort him. He thinks about what Taehyung said to him last night, what his eomma said on that phone call in London, what Namjoon asked him way back when he went to him for advice about his feelings. He has to just get this out, he has to do it for himself. He can’t always think about Jimin’s needs, Jimin’s feelings.
He keeps his eyes closed so he can’t see how Jimin responds.
“Do you want to know what my plans were for the break? I wanted to spend time with friends, yes, work on some projects, start on my tattoos. But I also wanted to go home. With you. I wanted to go to Busan together, spend time with both of our families. And I wanted to talk to Bang PD. But I guess you didn’t ask, did you?” He feels like he’s laid himself bare for Jimin to see and do with what he will.
The silence spreads and Jungkook leans into its embrace. He can feel the rejection coming and he wants it over with. His eyes snap open when he hears Jimin whisper, “You didn’t ask me either.”
A few tears are tracking down Jimin’s face. He looks wrecked. Jungkook knows he’s right, but he can’t bring himself to admit it. He’s also never felt more dry eyed than he does right now, and he doesn’t know what that means.
“I wasn’t planning to put a world’s worth of space between us. I’m sorry it didn’t occur to me that you were,” he spits out.
“It’s only one month.”
Jungkook scoffs, unbelieving that of all points that Jimin is choosing to make, it’s this.
“Fine, you’re right, it’s just a month. See you in September, I guess.”
“Jungkook-ah. Don’t. Please.”
“Don’t what? What is it exactly that you want from me right now?”
“I want … I want you to have patience with me.”
Jungkook can’t believe this. “Are you asking me to just wait for you? Wait for you to what? Figure out if you still want me?”
Jimin moves forward with a jerk, settling on his knees in front of Jungkook and throwing his arms around Jungkok’s waist. Jungkook’s urge is to wrap his arms around him too, but he sits stiff and uncomfortable, something he never thought he would be in Jimin’s arms. He feels a deep bittersweet pain when Jimin whispers into his stomach, “I want you, I always want you.”
It would be easier if Jimin didn’t say things like this. Jungkook doesn’t know which way is up.
Jungkook fists his hands in the covers and bites his lip. “Just not for the next month.”
Jimin sits back on his heels and looks up into Jungkook’s face. “I … need some time. To think, ok, I’m sorry, I just need this time off -- no, not from you, not like that. From everything, from my life, I just need this. I’m sorry that I do, but I do. I don’t know how to convince you that that doesn’t mean I don’t want you, but I’m telling you it doesn’t. I know you don’t have to wait for me. I know you deserve so much better. But I’m still … I’m still asking you to. I’m still asking you to because if you didn’t, I don’t know what I would do.”
And Jungkook thinks that it is so unfair of Jimin to ask this of him. Almost of its own accord, though, his hand reaches out and pushes a stray hair out of Jimin’s eyes. Jimin grabs his hand and holds it to his cheek, where Jungkook can feel how hot the soft skin is, blazing from the force of Jimin’s emotions.
Jungkook doesn’t know why, even weeks later couldn’t explain why, but he finds himself whispering, “Ok, ok. Alright. I’ll be here.”
Jimin straightens up and flings himself forward into Jungkook’s arms. This time Jungkook wraps them around him.
“Thank you, thank you.” Jimin whispers into his neck. Jungkook rubs his back. He still doesn't shed a tear.
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They don’t talk about it after that. As horribly immature as it sounds, they pretend that the time apart isn’t coming. Things are a little awkward with the group the next day, but they follow Jungkook and Jimin’s lead, who are a bit gun shy, but acting as normally as possible.
Namjoon stops him on the way out of the next day’s practice, asking if he wants to talk. He politely declines. The last thing he wants is to hash something out that he doesn’t understand himself. Instead he trails after Yoongi and sits in his studio while he works, playing games on his phone and just listening to the humming noises Yoongi makes when working on music. Yoongi lets him stay for hours and even pulls a blanket over him when he dozes off.
They get through their schedules amicably, if somewhat awkwardly at times. They don’t spend much time alone together, but they are busy enough that it doesn’t feel like a deliberate decision. They don’t have sex. That is definitely a deliberate decision.
Finally, their last show approaches, and suddenly Jungkook finds himself on the business end of four weeks off with not much planned. He had steadfastly refused to think about it in too much detail. The night after the Lotte family concert, he shoots off more texts and makes more calls to friends and family than he has in the past three months, and suddenly he has lots of plans. He’ll start on his tats first thing and he’ll go back periodically throughout the month. He’ll spend some time with friends in Seoul, and then he’ll go back to Busan to spend a solid week with his family. A whole week of his mom’s cooking, and playing video games, and sleeping. It sounds like heaven.
Once he’s done making plans, he lays flat on his back, staring numbly at the ceiling. Jimin’s heading back to Busan tomorrow, where he’ll spend a week with his family before he boards a plane to Paris. Jungkook knows this because Jimin has been overcompensating, sending him a complete itinerary of his plans for the month, as if Jungkook knowing he’s staying at this or that hotel is going to help.
Sometime in the last week, he made a promise to himself. A promise that once Jimin was gone, he would focus on himself. He wouldn’t pine, he wouldn't wonder where he was, or constantly look at his phone waiting for texts and calls. He would do what Taehyung said he should, and take advantage of this time off. It might be the last chance he gets for many years and, as Taehyung reminded him, it will speed by, wasted, if he lets it.
So when he hears his door open and he raises his head to meet Jimin’s eyes as he slips into his room, he decides to let himself have this indulgence. If he will spend the next four weeks trying to forget about his hyung, he’ll allow himself this one night to remember all the ways he loves him.
Jimin slips under the sheets with him and he reads Jungkook’s submission on his face. They spend one more night together, and Jungkook feels the bitter sweet truth. Jimin is perfect for him, he’s everything he wants. But Jungkook isn’t for Jimin. He swallows this truth along with Jimin’s sighs, trying to forget about tomorrow.
Notes:
If you want your heart to break like mine does, this is how Jungkook looked at Jimin during muster.
Chapter 6
Notes:
I'm so excited to be dropping the final two chapters plus a (surprise!) epilogue. Thank you so much for reading this far, especially those that have been reading this as it's been posted. You are the most lovely people.
I will say this because I know there were a few comments about where things might be going this chapter given the time frame. I will say that there are things that happen to the boys in real life that I would never write about, even considering that this is totally fictional. I really hate that the boys ever have to go through anything in the eye of the media that for any twenty year old would be par for the course. It's unfair, it's cruel, and the only thing I ever want to contribute to that discussion is that I love them and support them unconditionally.
Sorry, that got a little heavy, but I hope you enjoy the direction I took this story instead. Hopefully it still pulls on your heart strings and makes you understand this version of our boys. Thanks for reading.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Taehyung is right. The month passes quickly. So quickly, in fact, that it scares Jungkook a little. He is doing well with his goal of focusing on himself. It could have to do with the fact that he packs his days as full as possible, working out everyday, seeing friends, working on music, leveling up in boxing twice. And he gets his tattoos.
He never anticipated how addicting it would be, watching his designs slowly come to life on his skin, scattering across his hands and up his arm, changing fundamentally who he is in a way that he has deliberately dreamed up. He gets a thrill every time he heads into the shop in Seoul. He shoots the shit with friends for hours as they work on his skin, and he feels a little bit reborn.
He deliberately deletes social media off of his phone, determined to live as differently as possible for this one month. He allows himself to fall off of the Bangtan group chat too. He is neglectful of it in the best of times, but he pushes away any guilt and just lets the notifications pile up.
He responds when any of his hyungs reach out to him directly. His aim is not to worry them, and he likes hearing about how things are going. He video calls with Hobi several times while he’s in LA, feeding off his excitement. Jungkook is so proud of him, heading off on his own, collaborating with an artist who doesn’t speak his language. Jungkook hopes he can do it one day too.
And there’s still a little bit of work, a few emails here or there. They are headed off to film Bon Voyage directly after their break and there’s a few logistics to figure out. But ultimately, Jungkook spends the bulk of the month like any guy in their twenties. He still has to bundle up like crazy when he goes out and he hits a few spots of annoyance with being recognized, but ultimately, he lives pretty freely.
He’s doing really well. That is, until he gets to Busan. He heads home on a Saturday, slightly hungover from a raucous night out with the other 97 liners. He enjoys some quiet music as he sips on an iced Americano during the drive out to Busan. He loves driving, especially on his own. Just him and music, the one constant in his life. He’s looking forward to this week. He hasn’t spent this long with his family since he was fourteen.
His parents live in a modest house, the same one that he grew up in. It belonged to his grandparents, so it’s a bit nicer than his parents otherwise would have been able to afford. It’s one of the reasons why they are still resisting him buying them a bigger place. Jungkook has a ridiculous amount of money, more than he could ever need. He donates a lot, but he wishes his parents would let him spend on them too.
As he pulls into the familiar driveway on this cloudy Saturday, however, he’s suddenly incredibly grateful that they didn’t. He is happy to be truly coming home. He grabs his bag from the back and takes the front steps two at a time, eager to be home and to rest.
As he approaches the front door, it opens, and he sees that his eomma must have been waiting for him.
“Jungkook-ah, baby, come here!”
He grins widely and lets his mom envelop him in a hug. Or she tries. He’s so much bigger than her now, although you wouldn’t know it by how she acts.
She leads him into the house, making him drop his bag before pulling him into the kitchen. She sits him down and starts to put food in front of him. He smiles, feeling nostalgically overwhelmed by all the sights and sounds of home.
“Where’s appa?”
“Oh, I got him to pop to the store for a few things. He’ll be back soon! Here, eat some of this.”
Jungkook takes a big bite of kimchi fried rice and his hungover stomach settles a bit more. As he listens to his mom chatter away for a bit, he tunes into the quietness of the house. He’s going to spend a whole week here, sleeping, dreaming, thinking. Jungkook finds himself getting a sinking feeling.
It was easy, while each day was packed to the brim, to keep his focus on himself, to keep his mind off of Jimin. But he is realising that that is going to be very hard to do here. And suddenly he can’t remember what Jimin smells like exactly, what his skin feels like just after a shower, the low sounds he makes when he’s halfway between sleep and waking, and Jungkook feels the sheer terror of losing him. It’s only been a few weeks, but it’s the longest he’s gone without seeing him since they debuted. Jimin could come back from his trip sure of nothing, or he could come back sure that Jungkook is not what he wants.
“Jungkook?” His eomma is suddenly in front of him at eye level, crouching down by the chair and trying to get his attention. Jungkook drags himself out of his thoughts. He can’t fall apart in front of his eomma, he’ll worry her to death. But then she places a hand against his forehead, just like she used to do when he was young and feeling sick, and says, “What’s wrong, baby?” and he is dissolving into tears, a couple of coughing sobs dragging out of his chest.
She gathers him up in her arms and sways him a little, letting him cry.
“Shhhhhh, shhhhh, honey, sweetheart, it’s ok. It’s going to be ok. You want to go to your room? You want to sleep for a bit?”
Jungkook nods wordlessly, wanting nothing more than to sink into his childhood bed. He lets her lead him upstairs and even tuck him in like he’s five years old again.
She sits on the bed for a bit. “I’m glad you’re home, baby. Whatever is going on, we’ll fix it, together, ok?” Jungkook nods and closes his eyes, already sinking into sleep as he hears his eomma turn off the light and softly close the door.
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It feels like Jungkook sleeps more than he has in six years during the week at home. He’s so grateful for his parents, who are attentive without being smothering, letting him spend hours in his bedroom, gaming, or drawing, or sleeping at all hours of the day.
He spends a lot of time with them too, going for walks, cooking, eating, and hearing all about their day-to-day lives. He feels so lucky to have this time with them, even if it gives him a little bit of a painful glimpse into what he’s been giving up for his career. But his parents are also so proud of him. His mom even shyly shows him a scrapbook she keeps up to date with all the clippings she’s most proud of. He can’t regret any of it, not really.
He keeps it together after that first day. He can tell that his mom must have told his dad about his outburst, but thankfully they’re giving him space. And he feels more steady.
He keeps his promise and tries to live in the moment, not worry too much about the future. But when he’s up alone late at night, when the rest of the house is dead quiet, and he has nothing but the company of his own thoughts, he struggles. He fights to reconcile the sweetness of having had Jimin for an intense but short period of time, and the many years that he went without him. And the years ahead of him suddenly feel very long.
It’s a very real possibility that the next time he sees Jimin, it’s the last straw. Jimin said that he had needed time and space to think, and Jungkook can only conclude that part of that is thinking about whether he really wants to be with Jungkook. He finds it hard to imagine the many years ahead, working and living with Jimin, and not getting to have him anymore. It would be torture, Jungkooks knows, now that he knows what it’s like to be with him. He even has a few dark moments when he wishes he had never said anything, a scenario where he chickened out in New York, and he never found out what it was like to love him in reality.
Jungkook sighs deeply. He's lying in bed, piled high with blankets, and stuck in his head. He gives himself a shake. It doesn't help to think in circles like this. He did what he did and can’t bring himself to truly regret it. Not when he’s had some of the happiest moments of his life in the past few months.
He rolls over and grabs his phone, allows himself to navigate to Jimn’s name in his messages. They haven’t been texting much, both trying to give each other space. But every few days, Jimin will send some pictures. Places he’s staying, some cool street art, an occasional picture of a cat or two. In return, Jungkook has been sending him pics of his tattoos as they spread across his skin. He scrolls up to the one picture Jimin has sent that has himself in it.
He’s in a dimly lit space, looks like a bar. He’s taking a picture of some art on the wall, something Jimin thought Jungkook would like. Part of his face is in the frame as he aims his phone behind his head. He looks the same. He looks like Jimin, features blurred in the low light. Jungkook has a million photos of him on his phone, all clearer, but he can’t stop looking at this one. He wonders what Jimin will look like when he comes back, if he’ll have changed.
It’s Jungkook’s birthday in a few days. It’s going to be strange not to be around the members when it happens, but he’s glad he’s at home. Hobi is going to make the trip down, and he’s looking forward to a quiet dinner with his hyung and his parents.
He shoots off a text to Hoseok.
Jungkook
Hey hyung, still good for Friday? My eomma is going a little crazy with the menu planning, just want to make sure there will be someone else to help me eat it all.
Hobi-hyung
Of course Jungkook-ah, I can’t wait! How’s it been being home?
Jungkook
Great! Good, it’s been good. Quiet. Sleeping a lot.
Hobi-hyung
Good, a growing boy needs his sleep.
Jungkook
Hyung! Seriously.
Hobi-hyung
Kekekeke, sorry, couldn’t help it. Seriously, you’ve been ok though, right?
Jungkook hesitates. Mostly the others have been dancing around the topic, letting Jungkook and Jimin figure it out.
Jungkook
Honestly? I’ve been struggling a bit this past week. Being home, it’s just given me a lot of time to think. But I’m ok hyung, don’t worry! I’m looking forward to seeing you.
Hobi-hyung
Me too, very much! I’m here if you need to talk, even ahead of Friday
Jungkook
Thanks Hyung.
He hesitates.
Jungkook
Have you heard from Jimin?
He winces, feeling slightly pathetic
Hobi-hyung
Not really, just keeping up with his escapades in the group chat mostly. He seems busy.
Jungkook
Right, makes sense. Well, good night hyung!
Hobi-hyung
Night Jungkook-ah, love you!
Jungkook
Love you too.
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Jungkook wakes up early on the morning of his birthday. His eomma has brought him breakfast in bed, spoiling him. He scrolls through all the messages and well wishes pouring in and answers as many as he can. He thinks for a minute and then re-downloads twitter and weverse, reading several messages from Army. He never knows quite how to pay them back for their love. He isn’t like Tae or Jin who can answer a few posts, flirt and joke. Jungkook always feels virtually tongue tied, always wanting to say too much, afraid to say too little.
He sees the tweets from his hyungs and laughs at the funny pictures. He happens to be holding his phone when he gets the notification for another tweet from their official account. He clicks on it and draws in a breath when he sees Jimin. It’s a video. He hesitates but then hits play.
Jimin is on a street in Paris, with whitewashed buildings and gentle afternoon light as the backdrop. He looks good, so good. His hair is soft and falling in his face a bit. He looks content as he speaks to the camera, sending Jungkook his well wishes on his birthday, promising a drink with him when he can.
It’s over too quickly and Jungkook replays it a few times. He opens their message history and shoots off a quick message.
Jungkook
Thanks for the birthday video, hyung. Hope you’re doing well. Off to Russia next, right?
He gets the read notification almost immediately. He waits but gets no reply. He huffs at himself. He promised himself he wouldn’t be waiting around for any texts or calls. So he leaves his phone in his room and starts his day.
His phone is still in his room when it’s coming on seven o'clock that night. Hobi is a little late and Jungkook thinks he better check if he’s tried to get in touch.
He sees a text from Hobi saying he left about four hours ago so he should be there any minute. He can’t stop himself from navigating to his message history with Jimin. Still nothing.
He hears the doorbell ring downstairs and he runs down, yelling to his eomma in the kitchen that he’ll get it, eager to see Hobi. He swings the door open and stops short.
Jimin is standing on his doorstep, a huge smile on his face, a cake box in one hand and a bundle of paper bags in the other.
“Happy Birthday Jungkook-ah!!!”
Jungkook is stunned. Jimin is supposed to be in Paris, or Moscow. How is this real?
Suddenly the dam in his chest feels like it's breaking and he rushes forward to throw his arms around Jimin, nearly knocking him back off the step. Jimin struggles to keep his balance, unable to hug back because of everything in his hands, but he laughs as Jungkook squeezes him tight. He whispers in his ear while they're stuck tight. “Hi baby.”
Jungkook sniffs and says, “Hi.” He rears back and takes the cake box from his hands and places it on the bench near the door. He turns back around and smacks Jimin lightly in the chest.
“How are you here? Your video --”
Jimin giggles. “A good fake out, wasn’t it? I recorded that two days ago and posted it as I was getting on the plane!”
Jungkook still can’t believe Jimin is here. He’s here! He flew all the way from Paris and clearly came straight from the airport. He sees some movement in the driveway and cranes his neck around Jimin to see Hobi grabbing some things from the backseat of his car. He glances over and waves, and Jungkook waves back. He’s clearly dawdling to give Jungkook and Jmin a moment together alone.
“Hobi picked me up from the airport.”
Jungkook is in a bit of a daze, he can barely process everything, but it just feels so good to see Jimin again, so he hugs him again, and he whispers, “I can’t believe you’re here.”
Jimin rubs his back with his free hand and sounds a bit sad when he says, “I couldn’t miss your birthday.”
Jungkook pulls back. “Wait, does that mean you’re not going to --”
Jimin looks guilty, but interrupts him. “No, no, I’m still going. I’ve got a flight out tomorrow. I just cut it a bit short and I’m meeting the guys there.”
Jungkook feels his heart sink, but he shakes himself out of it, seeing Hobi approach with several bags. He turns to him and gives him a big hug. “So good to see you, hyung!”
“Yah, my Jungkookie, I missed you. Was this a nice surprise?” He pulls away, eyes carefully scanning Jungkook’s face.
“Yes, hyung, the best surprise.”
He leads them in, and then his mom is crying out in happiness and hugging both Hoseok and Jimin, kissing both sides of their faces. “Oh boys, so glad you’re here! There’s so much to eat. Ah, Jimin-ah, were you supposed to come?”
Jimin ducks his head a bit, a shy smile on his face. “It was a surprise, for Jungkook.”
“Sweet boy!” She exclaims and squeezes his cheeks. Jungkook feels his heart beat faster at the sight of his mom and Jimin together. “Well, there’s plenty to eat, come in, come in!”
The evening passes in a flash, all of them eating and drinking together. His appa bends Hobi’s ear, asking him all about the tour. Hobi, ever talkative, is happy to oblige him. His appa, somewhat embarrassingly, even queues up a compilation of some of his favourite of Jungkook’s performance clips on the tv, and Jungkook spends the whole time poking fun at himself, and exaggerating his own version of the performances in the living room. Jimin laughs so hard that he falls on the floor from the couch.
Eventually, his parents head up to bed, and the three of them keep drinking and talking late into the night. It feels good to be together with some of the members again. He got so used to seeing them every single day that it feels like home again.
Finally, in the wee hours of the morning, he grabs some blankets and pillows for his two guests, both of them insisting they would rather sleep together in the living room than separate into the guest rooms. “It will be fun,” Jimin giggles. “Like a sleepover.”
“Yah, Jimin-ah, we still share a room at the dorm, what are you talking about?”
Jungkook leaves them giggling in his living room and climbs the room to collapse into bed, the wine in his stomach making his vision a little blurred. Just before he falls asleep, he remembers that he promised his mom to let the dog out before he went to bed. He drags himself out of bed and starts to tiptoe down the stairs, trying to be quiet in case his hyungs are asleep, when he hears them, still awake in the living room, talking. He pauses and then sinks down on the stairs. He can’t help but listen in when he hears his name.
“Jimin-ah, you have to talk to him. You can’t just sweep in for twenty four hours and then leave and expect everything to be fine when you get back. There’s not going to be any time to talk later, you know we’re flying out to New Zealand as soon as we’re back. Do you really want to film for a whole week with everything the way it is?”
Jimin’s voice is quiet. He sounds bone tired. “I know. I know I do. It’s just … I really thought this time away would give me time to figure everything out, to sort myself out. But I feel like no time at all has passed, and I don’t know how to explain what is going on without him hating me. I can’t even explain it to myself.”
Hobi scolds him. “Jimin-ah, you’ve been jetting all over constantly with a whole pack of friends. Did you really expect to have time to think? I don’t mean to be harsh, but I think you knew exactly what your time would look like. I think you’re avoiding the hard things. And that’s not fair.”
Jimin is quiet and Jungkook can hear him sniffing a bit.
Hobi’s voice quiets. “Yah, Jimin-ah, don’t cry. Hyung just wants you to be happy, for you both to be. You can’t go on like this.”
Finally Jimin says, so quiet Jungkook can barely hear. “Do you think he’s glad I came?”
He can hear bodies shifting and he can imagine Hobi pulling Jimin in for a hug. “You know the answer to that. If there’s anyone that wears his heart on his sleeve, it’s Jungkook.”
His mom will just have to forgive him because Jungkook turns around and softly pads back to his room, leaving his hyungs alone in the living room to talk more or fall asleep. Either way, he can’t stand to hear another word.
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Jungkook wakes up, bleary and a bit hungover, to the sound of the front door slamming shut and Hobi’s lilting voice drifting up through his window. Jungkook sits up, looks out his window, and sees his hyung hopping into the car with his parents.
He startles a bit when his bedroom door opens a crack, but settles when he hears Jimin’s voice.
“Jungkook-ah? Ok if I come in?”
Jungkook grunts and then feels relief when he sees Jimin is carrying two cups of coffee. He eagerly takes one out of Jimin’s hands and takes a big gulp. He runs his other hand through his hair, trying to tame his awful bed head. He has a sinking feeling that Jimin is going to take Hobi’s advice to talk, and he would like to not look like a gremlin if he’s about to get his heart broken.
Jimin is giving him some time to pull himself together as he walks around Jungkook’s room with his coffee, sipping and looking at all the pictures and posters on the walls. The room is pretty much the way Jungkook left it when he left home to sign with Big Hit. Pictures of him with friends plaster most of the walls, along with posters of his old idols, including a large poster of a shirtless G-Dragon.
Jimin gets his attention and raises his eyebrows while he gestures to the poster with his head.
Jungkook knows he’s whining when he says, “I was fourteen, hyung, don’t tease.”
Jimin just smiles fondly and keeps looking around. Jungkook excuses himself to go to the bathroom and brush his teeth. When he comes back, Jimin is lying on the bed, sipping his coffee. Jungkook takes the desk chair and downs the rest of his, wincing at the taste mixing with the mint of his toothpaste.
“Where are Hobi and my parents off to?”
“They’re going to the open air market, going to grab more food. Your mom wants to make seaweed soup before we go.”
“Ah. When … when is your flight?”
“Tonight, nine o’clock. The red eye. Hobi is going to drop me off.”
Jungkook nods. Jimin looks thoughtfully into his coffee cup. His hair is slightly damp, looks like he took a shower already. The dried parts are fluffing up a bit, while the damp strands are catching in his eyelashes. His face is a bit puffy from a night of drinking, and Jungkook desperately wants to kiss him.
Instead, he says, “Your pictures looked great. Have you been having fun?”
Jimin frowns a bit, but then says, “Yeah. Yeah, it’s been great. It’s flying by, but I’m excited for Moscow, and Hawaii too.”
“Well, thanks for making this detour, hyung. I’m sorry you had to take some time out from your trip.”
“Please don’t.”
Jungkook looks up sharply. Jimn’s voice sounds crackly, like it does right before he cries.
“Don’t what?”
“You’re being so nice to me. I don’t deserve it.”
Jungkook moves over to the bed, sitting beside Jimin so he is facing where his head is still nestled on his own pillow. Jimin is refusing to look at him, staring into his coffee cup like it holds all the answers in the world.
Jungkook takes the cup from him, setting it gently on the bed side table.
“Hyung, look at me.”
Jimin meets his eyes, looking like he’s about to be scolded.
“You just took a twelve hour flight, out of your way, just so you could be here for my birthday. But not just that, you’ve always found a way to make my birthday special, every year. How could you say you don’t deserve me thanking you?”
Jimin gives a little huff and then reaches his arms out, pulling Jungkook down to him so that he’s laying pressed up against his side, his head on Jimn’s shoulder.
“I’m glad that you’re having a good time, hyung, I don’t want you to be unhappy, ever. I’ve had a good few weeks too.”
Jimin traces the tattoos on his knuckles, the first that he had done and so the most healed. “Your tattoos have turned out amazing. What does your eomma think?”
Jungkook laughs a bit. “I think she hates them. But she would never say.”
“That’s because she’ll always see you as her baby.” Jimin’s brow is furrowed.
Jungkook sits up and says, “Yeah, I get that. But I’m not. Want to see the rest?” More than anything in the whole process of getting his tattoos, he had wished that he could show them to Jimin. He had been sending pictures and Jimin had been oohing and aahing over text, but it wasn’t the same.
Jimin sits up too. “Yes, can I? I wasn’t sure if they would be healed enough.”
“Some I can’t take the bandages off yet but here, look.” He reaches down and flips his shirt off quickly, tossing it onto the bed.
“Wahhh, awesome. Look how cool. Jungkookie, this is amazing. I can’t believe you designed all of these.” Jimin is tracing his hand gently over the exposed tattoos, tracking up from his forearm to his shoulder, careful to avoid the few spots that are still bandaged up.
Jungkook can’t help but lean into his touch. It’s been weeks since they’ve seen each other, since he’s felt Jimin’s skin on his, and despite how complicated things are, despite his determination that space is what he needs right now, he still feels electricity pulsing through him as Jimn’s fingers trace his skin.
Jimin pulls his arm gently to get a better look at one of the designs that wraps around his bicep and places his other hand on Jungkook’s chest for balance. Jungkook feels like his hand might burn him. Jimin notices how quiet he’s gotten and looks up into his eyes. He sees his eyes widen a bit at whatever look Jungkook has on his face. His eyes flicker down to Jungook’s mouth, and back up again, his tongue quickly darting out to lick his lips.
“Which market did my parents say they were going to?”
Jimin stutters a bit. “Uhh, ummm, your eomma said something about going to the one with the really good miyeok?”
“That’s the one across town. They’ll be gone a while.”
“Oh. Yeah?”
Jungkook knows this is probably the stupidest decision he’s ever made, but in this moment, missing the man he loves desperately, and knowing he is about to get on another plane, he doesn’t care. He leans into Jimin and whispers,”Yeah.”
Jimin surges forward to meet him and they kiss like they are drowning, like there’s no tomorrow. Hands are everywhere at once and Jungkook feels like his skin is on fire. They get their clothes off fast, cognizant of the fact that they have limited time. They struggle a bit on the twin sized bed, but in an alarmingly short amount of time, Jungkook finds himself buried inside of Jimin.
Jimin’s knees are folded up, pressing into his chest, his back and head pressed tightly against the wooden headboard. Jimin is holding on to his thighs, his body scrunched up into a small space as the two boys press tightly together, his head hitting the head board when Jungkook thrusts particularly hard. Jungkook is pushing forward more now, practically folding Jimin in half as he pounds into him. The bed is an old one and Jungkook would be embarrassed by how loudly the springs are squeaking, except for the fact that he knows the house is empty.
At first they are kissing desperately, sloppily, attached as much at the mouth as they are everywhere else, but eventually Jungkook has to pull away to breathe. He can feel sweat gathering at his temples with the effort of keeping up his pace.
Jimin’s cheeks are flushed pink as he pants and he looks down to where their bodys meet, from this angle being able to watch as Jungkook’s cock slides in and out. They’re trying to stay quiet, listening for any sign of his parents returning home. The effort to stay quiet is somehow making this more exciting, more desperate. Although it flashes through Jungkook’s mind that perhaps the desperation has another source.
Jungkook pushes those thoughts out of his head and focuses on the sight of Jimin falling apart on his cock. Because of their cramped position, Jimin can’t move the way he usually does, but Jungkook can tell from the desperate but quiet whines that are coming out of his mouth and the way his muscles are further tightening that he’s close.
Jimin confirms this when he reaches down, going for his own cock as he often does in the moments before his orgasm. Jungkook, without even realizing what he’s doing at first, pushes his hand away. Jimin’s brow furrows slightly, and he says, voice a messy whine, “Jungkook, ah, I’m close, I’m close, please, I need to come.”
But Jungkook is suddenly feeling a little dangerous, a sharp edge to everything. He shakes his head, never letting up his pace, and he says “So come. Just like this. Just from this”
Jimin lets out a small gasp, but then shakes his head. “No, I can’t, please, I can’t, touch me.”
“No.” Jungkook feels a stab of pleasure at denying him, at watching his desperation grow. Jimin stays silent for a few beats except for the puffs of breath being pushed from his body with each of Jungkook’s thrusts. He reaches down again, determined to come, no doubt feeling on edge.
Jungkook grabs his wrist and places his hand back on his thigh, using his body to pincer it along with the other hand, which is still holding back his other leg, keeping him spread open wide.
Jimin lets out another whine and almost pouts, but Jungkook has a one track mind. He doesn’t want this to be easy.
He does change the angle of his hips slightly until he hears Jimin give a soft yelp, and once he’s found that spot inside him, he is relentless, hitting his prostate over and over again. He brings his lips back down to Jimin’s and kisses him hard, before pulling back and saying, “Come on, baby, come for me, you can do it, just focus on my cock, god you’re incredible, you take my cock so well, so beautifully, you were made to take it, made for me.”
Jimin’s eyes are practically crossed in his head at Jungkook’s dirty talk, hair smeared across his forehead, getting sticky from the sweat. Jungkook isn’t sure what has gotten into himself but he leans into it, encouraged by Jimin’s reception.
“Fuck, Jimin, you look so good like this, you love it, don’t you, you fucking love my cock inside you. Tell me, tell me you love it.”
Jungkook can’t quite believe what he’s saying, but then Jimin’s breath hitches and he cries out, “Yes, god, yes, I love it! Please, don’t stop, please never stop fucking me!”
Jimin throws his head back, hitting it harder on the headboard, his eyes practically rolling back in his head as his body suddenly contracts impossibly tighter, and then he’s letting out a long, drawn out shout, all efforts to be quiet forgotten, and his cock is pulsing against his stomach, long ropes of cum shooting up his torso, hitting his stomach and his chest.
Jungkook can’t resist the urge to reach forward, smearing his hand through the cum on Jimin’s chest, spreading it on his skin until his hand reaches his neck. He suddenly needs to contribute to the beautiful mess, and he’s pulling out and roughly yanking Jimin’s body down the bed until he can straddle his chest, quickly running his fist over his own cock, almost hissing from oversensitivity. Jimin looks wrecked, his eyes dazed and body pliant, as he stares up at Jungkook’s body eagerly, licking his lips.
Jungkook comes without warning, letting out a series of little “ah, ah, ah” sounds as he spills his own release on Jimin’s skin, painting his upper chest and neck, a few ropes landing on his lips and chin. Jimin runs his tongue over his bottom lip, gathering up Jungkook’s release into his mouth, then quickly swallowing.
Jungkook feels a thrill at the sight and he’s immediately spreading his body over Jimin’s, gripping his face firmly with both of his hands and delving in for a deep kiss, tasting himself in the mouth of his lover.
Both boys are panting hard, overwhelmed by the intense session. Jungkook desperately wants to just hold Jimin and allow himself to succumb to his tired limbs, but he knows his parents won’t be gone forever. He lets out a groan and then quickly grabs a towel, cleaning as much as he can from Jimin and his body, before throwing on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt so he can run to the washroom and get a wet washcloth.
They clean up quickly when he gets back and get re-dressed, Jimin wincing a little at putting a t-shirt over his slightly sticky skin, constantly listening for sounds of Hobi and Jungkook’s parents coming home.
Jungkook can’t help but laugh as they quickly hide the soiled towel and cloth under the bed for Jungkook to wash later. “Thank god Hobi-hyung is with them. At least we’ll hear him coming from a mile away.”
Jimin bursts out laughing, throwing his body at Jungkook’s in mirth, and they end up laughing together in the middle of his twin sized bed.
Jimin barely gets the next sentence out. “Do you think there could possibly be any heteroesexual reason for me to be taking a second shower when they get home, because I’m about to get on a red eye flight to Russia smelling like cum.”
They laugh so hard that they both cry and Jungkook can feel all the built up tension between them melting away. They are actually in a ridiculous situation. They’re constantly surrounded by people, or cameras, or staff, or fans, and their life will never be easy. But at least they can laugh about it.
-----------------------
They spend the rest of the day in the kitchen with his mom, helping her make the miyeok guk. It’s wonderful, Hobi making sound effects for every action, and Jimin flirting lightly with his mom. She loves it, and Jungkook can see his dad glancing over and grinning every once in a while from his spot reading on the couch. Jungkook sits down with him for the later part of the cooking session, feeling his social battery start to run low.
Jungkook’s relationship with his dad is quieter than with his mom. They’re both introverts, so most of their time is spent in silent solidarity. This time though, his dad strikes up a conversation.
“It’s good to see your friends here, Jungkook. Good to see you happy.”
Jungkook knows that this is his appa’s subtle way of making sure he’s alright.
“I am, appa, thanks. Good of them to come.”
“Amazing that Jimin came from Paris, and is going to Russia tonight.” Jungkook just nods. His appa keeps going. “I like Jimin. Always have. We could get together, you know, sometime, with his family and you and him. Here in Busan.”
Jungkook looks closely at his appa then. He thinks they’re talking about the same thing, but he can’t be totally sure. “I would really like that, appa. Maybe next year?”
He just hums in response and then pats Jungkook’s shoulder briefly, before turning back to his book.
He says goodbye to Hobi and Jimin in the driveway, the two of them having already hugged Jungkook’s parents goodbye inside.
Hobi gives him a loud, screeching hug and then heads to the car, saying he’s going to warm it up.
Jungkook scoffs and says to Jimin, “It’s not even cold out.”
Jimin smiles at him, but it's tinged with sadness. “I’m sorry I’m leaving again so soon.”
“Don’t be, hyung, I’m so glad you came all this way in the first place. Have a safe flight ok, flights I guess. I’ll see you back in Seoul.”
They hug tightly but it feels wrong. Feels wrong to not be kissing him goodbye, feels wrong that he’s leaving at all, that the next time he’ll see him it will be with cameras for practically twenty four hours a day as they film Bon Voyage. But there’s nothing Jungkook can do about any of it, so he stands waving in his parents’ driveway as the car backs up and then disappears down the street.
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Jungkook regrets it later, lying in bed. The sex.
He wishes they had talked instead, wishes he knew anything more than he did when Jimin arrived on his doorstep. The whispered conversation he had overheard between Jimin and Hobi is now playing again and again in his head, and his stupid sheets smell like sex and Jimin. It’s torture.
Jungkook can’t see it any other way. Jimin is clearly struggling with how he feels about Jungkook. Everything that’s gone wrong over the past six months, the lack of communication, the pulling away, even the reaction Jimin had to the prospect of changing up their sexual dynamic. He doesn’t love him. He doesn’t, and he doesn’t think he will. And all of this hoping that Jungkook is doing, all of the avoiding actual conversations, is so he can keep from hearing what he knows to be true from Jimin himself.
And suddenly he wishes he could. Wishes he could just get it over with so he’s not stuck in this awful in between. This place where he still gets to have Jimin’s body, but not his heart. He wants to be through the pain, he wants to be on the other side. He can suddenly envision a worse thing than losing Jimin, and it’s this right now. This pain and uncertainty.
He knows he won’t have a chance to confront Jimin until after Bon Voyage, so he does what he thinks he needs to do to protect himself. He can’t stand one more casual text, or one more picture of Jimin travelling the world.
He grabs his phone and blocks Jimin’s number.
-----------------------
He knows Jimin tries to text him a few days later because he gets three texts from three separate hyungs about twenty minutes apart.
Hobi-Hyung
Hey Jungkookie, just want to make sure you’re ok. When are you headed back to Seoul? I’m here if you need me!
Rapmon-hyung
Hey Jungkook-ah. Up for a call later? Just want to catch up. Let me know.
Taehyungie
Test, test.
Oh hey, your number does work.
What’s going on? Do I need to yell at Jimin again?
Jungkook avoids it for as long as he can before he feels guilty, but then he gets angry. Why is he the one, all alone, dealing with the fallout, while Jimin is probably in some bar right now, having the time of his life?
He finally grabs his phone in a fit of frustration when another volley of texts come in, the final two hyungs straggling in.
Yoongi-hyung
Jungkook-ah you’re making Hoseok worry. Answer your texts. You ok?
Seokjin-hyung
I died in Overwatch to send this to you so you better answer me brat. Hyung loves you, text me back.
He writes out one message in notes and sends it to each of them separately. Then he turns his phone off.
Jungkook
I’m fine hyung. Still at home. I’ll be in Seoul when our break is over. Don’t worry. But also, please, I just want some space. Pass that along if you want. Or don’t. Sorry. Bye. Love you.
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He drives back to Seoul the night before they fly out to New Zealand. He stays at his apartment, rather than the dorm. He knows it means he’ll have to get to the dorm super early to pack, most of the clothes he’ll want to film in are there. But he has to get through this week, and he is still in self protection mode. If the crew and cameras are there when he sees Jimin again, he knows he’ll be able to keep it together. They both will. They’re consummate professionals after all. Bangtan before anything. Jungkook has never been so glad of that discipline.
The last thing he does before going to sleep is to unblock Jimin's number. Back to reality.
He arrives at the dorm early, before the crew has started filming. He packs and hangs out in the main room until his hyungs start to trickle down. He gets a relieved smile from Hobi and a big hug from Seokjin. Namjoon brings him in for a hug too, but he also mutters, “Jungkook, you can’t --”
“I unblocked him. Last night. I just needed a break. It’ll be fine, hyung, I promise.” The last thing he wants to do is make Namjoon regret encouraging him to follow his feelings all those months ago. Namjoon hesitates, but then pats him on the back, nodding.
The crew is filming and the room is chaos by the time Jimin arrives, decked out in all black, including a mask that covers most of his face and a cap pulled down low. Jungkook bustles from person to person, catching up and joking around, pushing down the sick feeling in his stomach from seeing Jimin avoid him as he does the same.
He hears him telling Taehyung about his trip in detail. Eventually they all pile onto the couch and he perches on the armrest beside Jimin, who is cuddling into Taehyung, obviously worn out and tired, having arrived back from overseas just the night before. As the group settles into their usual dynamic after a month apart, joking and laughing, Jungkook suddenly feels like he can see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Yes, he has been feeling horribly, but he still has so much. He would do anything to keep what they all have together. So when Jimin finally makes eye contact with him, he doesn’t look away. Jimin signals towards the stairs with his head. He says something about needing to grab something from his room and heads upstairs. Jungkook follows a few minutes later.
When he gets upstairs he heads toward Jimin’s room, passing by Yoongi’s, where he sees a film crew filming him while he packs. As he passes the bathroom, the door opens. Jungkook startles as Jimin grabs his arm and pulls him in, closing and locking the door.
Jungkook spins around once he’s inside. Jimin has his mask off and he looks tired. But he still looks just as beautiful as ever, face fierce with tension, eyes partly hidden by his cap and lips already pressed together tightly.
“Why?” Jimin spits out, clearly upset.
Jungkook’s anger rises up to meet Jimin’s, feeling defensive. “Why what?”
“Why did you block me? I thought … I thought we …” He trails off and Jungkook feels another flare of frustration.
“I needed a break, ok? I needed some time with zero contact, not getting pictures all the time--”
“Ok, ok, I get that! But just tell me that, you didn’t have to block me--”
“Oh yeah, because you’ve never avoided me, your communication in this relationship has just been stellar, has it?”
Jimin crosses his arms and Jungkook knows he has him there.
“Fine. It was still an immature move, Jungkook, especially after --”
“I unblocked you.”
“What?”
“I unblocked you. Last night, ok? Look, I just needed to protect myself, and I did what I needed to do, and I’m here talking, ok? Can we get past this part?”
Jimin looks like he might cry. But he screws his face up and hugs himself a little bit with his arms.
“Fine. But only because Taehyung and the others let me know you were ok. I was really worried. Could barely --”
“Barely what? Have fun?” He spits out.
Jimin’s face is painted in hurt and Jungkook closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. This is not what he came up here to say. “Shit, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say any of this.” He opens his eyes and Jimin is looking at him curiously.
“What did you mean to say?”
“I wanted to say … that I miss you. And that I may not like it, but I get it. And I want us to never lose our friendship, it’s too important to me. Can we just shelve this? Can we just spend some time, as us, as friends? I don’t want to forget about that in all of this … confusion.”
Jimin is biting on his lower lip, hands twisted in his shirt. “Yeah, yeah, ok. I don’t want that either. I can do that. Be friends, just take it easy.”
Even though he’s the one who suggested it, Jungkook feels his heart sink. He guesses that a part of him wanted Jimin to fight. Wanted him to tell him he was sorry, that he had been all wrong, that he wanted Jungkook, and didn’t want to let what they had go.
“Yeah, ok. Let’s just take it easy. Be kind to each other.”
Jimin nods, hugging himself again. “I missed you too. A lot.”
That feels good to hear at least, and Jungkook tugs Jimn forward by the arm, and they hug. It’s a little awkward but at least it’s something. Jimin pulls away and then gestures towards the toilet, face a little apologetic.
“I actually do need to pee.”
Jungkook laughs quietly. “Ok, hyung, see you downstairs.”
He leaves the bathroom, closing the door softly behind him. He lets out a big breath and then heads back downstairs, following the cacophonous sound of his hyungs.
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New Zealand is amazing. It’s exactly what Jungkook needs. It is sunshine and wind, bright green grass and glacier lakes. Playing in the snow, and cooking food, and long drives through winding hills. It’s the sound of his hyungs’ laughter, competitive games, being gently ribbed for his long hair every day. It’s friendship and adventure.
And Jimin, Jimin is amazing. He stays true to his word, even more so than Jungkook. He doesn’t shy away, and he’s playful and teasing. Jungkook remembers in vivid detail all the reasons why he is so grateful for him as a friend.
He can feel the hyungs’ relief that everything seems to have been smoothed out. And Jungkook is glad that he pulled it together for their sake, just as much as his own. Every once in a while Jungkook finds himself longing. When Jimin is helping him readjust his hand bandages over his tattoos and their eyes meet with his hand cradled in Jimin’s. When they’re star gazing at the observatory and they brush shoulders in the dark. When Jimin is yelling out of the camper van window while he drives, giddy with laughter and joy, and Jungkook can’t stop stealing glances at the way he’s glowing.
When the cameras turn off in the evening, they all catch up on their month off. Hobi is effervescent with the success of his work with Becky G. Namjoon can’t stop showing them photos of art he took on his adventures. They all took advantage of the time, got to do things that a bunch of normal twenty year olds would do. But they all are glad to be back together, and are looking forward to their next concert.
Jimin stays mostly quiet when they all talk through their vacations. Eventually Seokjin calls him out, saying he must have stories from his globe trotting. Jimin smiles quietly and then just says, “It was good to spend time with friends, and it was really freeing to travel without cameras or itineraries. I kind of hope we could all do it together one day.” Hobi gives out an exaggerated “Awwww” and tousles his hair a little violently.
Everyone admires Jungkook’s tattoos, even though he can tell some of them don’t totally get it. That’s ok too. Yoongi comes out and says directly that he never wants to know the reason for the woozy emoji on the middle finger. Jungkook just laughs, and promises he’ll never reveal it. Yoongi mumbles, “Gen z-er,” under his breath.
Each night Jungkook stumbles into bed, exhausted, and he’s out by the time his head hits the pillow. No time to wallow or think too much. Except for one night.
It’s their last night camping and most of them are still sitting in the camping chairs around the fire, drinking and talking late into the night. Slowly, one by one, they peel off for bed. Eventually, it’s just Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook, talking and laughing, all a little buzzed. Taehyung stands up, stretching.
“Night you two. I’m off to cuddle Namjoon-hyung.”
Jimn giggles. “Good luck with that!”
Taehyung weaves a little as he makes his way to the camper van, and Jungkook laughs at what Namjoon is in for.
Then it’s just the two of them, the first time they’ve been alone this week.
At first they just stare into the fire and the silence is surprisingly comfortable. A thought occurs to Jungkook.
“Hey, hyung, how was spending time with your family in Busan, before you started travelling? You never said.”
Jimim smiles wistfully. “It was good, really good. I think my appa was giddy with having me there for so long. We did a couple of small day trips, but mostly just spent time at home. Cooking, eating, you know.”
Jungkook nods along. “That's good, hyung, I know how much you and your appa miss each other sometimes.”
“Yeah, I’m thankful for the time we had.” Jimin gives out a little hiccup. It’s adorable. He must be drunker than Jungkook thought, the hiccups usually only make an appearance once he is pretty gone.
Jimin speaks again. “He almost found out, you know, about us.”
Jungkook sits up abruptly, surprised. “Huh?”
Jimin yawns and looks more dazed than he has all night, eyes stuck on the waving flames. “Yeah, he saw me looking at some pictures on my phone. I made something up though, had to be pretty creative, hah! I think he bought it.” Jimin hiccups again.
Jungkook feels the wine in his stomach sour. He doesn’t know what to say. When he can stand to look at Jimin again, he can’t believe it; he’s fallen asleep sitting up in his chair.
Jungkook feels sick, but he still helps Jimin up out of the chair, basically asleep on his feet, and guides him over to the tent he’s sharing with Yoongi. He unzips the flap and leads him to his cot, making sure he hits it and not the ground, before he leaves the tent and zips it closed behind him.
Then he stalks towards the water, feeling like his skin is crawling. Everyone is sleeping but him. He sees the moonlight hitting the water, and he crouches at the edge, sucking in deep breaths of cold air, trying not to get sick.
He thought he had accepted it before, but this is the final nail in the coffin. He could pretend before, maybe, but there’s no denying it any more. Jimin’s appa is Jimin’s Jimin. If Jimin was truly feeling conflicted and he had had a chance to talk to his appa about things, to help him figure it out, and he had decided to hide it from him instead, well, that was the clearest message Jungkook had ever received from Jimin, and he didn’t even realise he sent it. It was truly over.
Jungkook manages to keep the contents of his stomach inside, but as he moves back toward the campsite, he sort of wishes he hadn’t. He feels like he’s carrying around a stomach of poison. If he sleeps a little closer to Hoseok that night, his hyung is nice enough to let him. Jungkook wakes up in the morning with one thought clear in his head like a bell: he wants to go home.
Notes:
Can you imagine if I left it here for another week???? Quick, go, next chapter!
Chapter 7
Notes:
Ahhhhh the last chapter!!! (minus the epilogue). I can't wait to hear what you all think. I've been dying to talk character motivation so please let me know your thoughts in the comments.
CW // there is a short description of someone throwing up
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Jungkook holds it together the remainder of their time in New Zealand, and for the trip back, but he feels himself on the edge of exploding once they are back in Seoul and the cameras are gone. All the fear, and the sadness, and the anger, has been sloshing around inside him, and by the time they are back, settled in the dorm, exhausted from travel and being on for so much of their day, he is a bomb just waiting to go off. It doesn’t take much.
He’s sitting in his room, unpacked and booting his computer up, wanting nothing more than to block the world out with a marathon session of gaming before collapsing into bed, when he hears a knock and then his door opening.
Jimin comes in, looking soft and tired in a pair of sweats and an oversized t-shirt, falling off of one shoulder, hair wet from a shower.
“Hey, Jungkookie, can I borrow your phone cable? I think I left mine on the plane.”
Jungkook feels the sharp edges inside of him immediately grating. “Seriously, hyung? How many is that now?” Still, he gets up and grabs his charger, shoving it into Jimin’s hands abruptly. “Why can’t you just listen to Sejin-nim when he reminds us to check for our stuff?”
Jungkook sits back down in his chair with a huff and immediately starts fiddling with his game set up again. He finally looks over when Jimin doesn’t respond or leave.
Jimin is staring down at the charger in his hand, his lip quivering a bit, looking like a child who has been scolded. Suddenly Jungkook’s anger flares up and washes out anything else from his brain. His first instinct is still to go and comfort Jimin, even though he’s the one who’s been hurt, he’s the one who has been strung along and told to wait, who’s been talked about behind his back, who's been pushed away and toyed with. He can’t take it another second.
Jungkook shocks even himself when he yells at Jimin. “Stop it! Just stop it! Why are you doing this?”
Footsteps approach his room rapidly and Namjoon appears in the doorway, his face alarmed and confused. “Jungkook, Jimin, what’s going on?”
Jimin is still standing in shocked silence, not moving a muscle, staring at Jungkook. He eventually turns, slowly, towards Namjoon. His voice is quiet and calm as he says, “It’s alright, hyung, it’s fine. Can we have some privacy?”
Namjoon scans Jimin’s face carefully and then glances at Jungkook, who is stubbornly refusing to meet his eyes. He nods and slowly turns and walks away. Jimin steps towards the door and closes it quietly. He turns towards Jungkook again.
His voice is quiet and strained. “Why am I doing what?”
Jungkook feels like a brute, but he couldn’t stop his words even if someone had somehow given him the strength to. Emotions are pouring out of him and he’s helpless under the flow.
“Standing there acting like I’m the one hurting you when you’re the one who keeps leaving me. You’re the one who is too scared to actually talk to me, to admit what you’re doing!” His voice keeps getting louder and he knows the others can probably hear him. He still can’t stop. “How can you pretend like nothing is going on, like everything is normal?”
“You asked me to!”
Jungkook sees red. “I asked you to? I asked you to? I asked you to hide things from me? I asked you to make me feel like shit for my feelings for you? Feelings, by the way, that I was totally up front with you about! That I told you was ok if you didn’t return! I asked you to leave for a month? And then you show up, on my birthday, for twenty four hours, have sex with me, pal around with my parents, all just to, what? Make me believe you still want me when everything else that you’re doing screams that you don’t, but you’re just too chickenshit to say it to my face?”
Jungkook stops, panting, hands clenched at his sides. At some point he had stood up without even realising it, and Jimin had retreated a few steps until he had his back pressed up against the door.
All of a sudden, the anger dissipates and all that is left is a cold sadness and a dash of self loathing. Jimin looks like he would do anything to get out of this room right now and the worst thing is, Jungkook doesn’t blame him. He’s probably just been trying to figure out a way to make Jungkook understand that he doesn’t want to be with him, to avoid this exact scenario, an explosion of emotions, a messy scene when all the others could hear them.
Jungkook decides to just give him the out he so clearly wants. He closes his eyes so he doesn’t have to see Jimin while he says this. “Whatever, it’s fine, ok? Can we just stop pretending that this is something it’s not? I just need you to stop. I need it to stop. You can stop pretending, and I can stop pretending, and we can just do our jobs. Ok?”
He collapses into his chair, swinging around and putting his head in his hands, elbows on his desk. The flashing multi colours of his gaming keyboard fill his vision, now blurred with tears, tears that he desperately doesn’t want Jimin to see.
The silence is deafening, but Jungkook can’t stand the thought of turning to look, of seeing the relief that is no doubt on Jimin’s face. He hears Jimin walk toward him, but he doesn’t lift his head. Out of the corner of his eye, barely visible through the sheet of tears that is now streaking down his face, he sees Jimin place the charging cord gently on the desk next to him.
Then he simply walks out of Jungkook’s room, closing the door softly behind him, and Jungkook breaks. He makes it to his bed and he lets the pain take over, covering everything with a heavy blanket of suffocating darkness.
------------------
He wakes in the morning to someone in his bed with him. For a split second he dreams it is Jimin, come to tell him that he’s sorry, that he’s wrong, and that he loves him. But he wipes the sleep from his eyes and sees that it is Seokjin.
He stirs and rolls over, seeing that Jungkook is awake. Seokjin reaches over and sets his hair to rights. The gesture of affection makes Jungkook’s face crease, the tears from last night rising in his eyes again.
“Ahh, little one.” Seokjin croons, continuing to run his fingers through his hair. “If things were so bad, why didn’t you talk to us, to me?”
Jungkook shrugs, and he finds his voice. “I don’t know, hyung, I’ve felt so lost. I don’t know. I’m sorry.”
“Shhh. Don’t apologize. I’m sorry you’ve been struggling on your own. I thought you two were working through it and I didn’t want to interfere. I’m sorry, sometimes I take my job of being the light-touch hyung a little too far.”
Jungkook shakes his head, but he’s so glad for Seokjin’s presence, that he didn’t wake up alone after last night and he scoots closer, putting his head on Seokjin’s chest and letting him give him a big hug.
“How can I help?”
“Can we … can we stay at your apartment for a while? Just for the next little bit? Just until … until I can get over things a little?”
Seokjin narrows his eyes. “You can’t run from this you know, we’re a group.”
“I know, hyung, I know. I’ll still do everything I need to, I promise. I could stay at my place, but I don’t really want to be alone right now.”
“No, yeah, of course. Ok, let’s stay at my place for a bit. We don’t have much of a schedule today. Why don’t I get us out of it? We can get some food for my place, make some japchae?”
Jungkook is so grateful for his found family. He just might get through this, with them at his side.
Seokjin is good to his word. He makes a few calls, and he and Jungkook hang out for the morning, playing video games side by side from Jungkook’s console. They hear the apartment slowly empty as the other members leave for various schedules. Jungkook can only assume Jimin is one of them.
Seokjin gets a few texts throughout the morning, but he’s discrete, answering each one shortly. Jungkook decides not to ask.
Finally, when the apartment is quiet save for Jungkook’s room, Seokjin claps his hands. “Shall we?”
They pack a few bags each and then head over to the apartment complex where Seokjin owns the penthouse apartment, a place even more extravagant than Jungkook’s. It’s Seokjin’s investment, like most of the real estate each of them have bought over the years, but he’s made it cozy over the last few years.
Seokjin has groceries delivered and they make food. When they’re both full and laying on twin couches in front of his flatscreen, some action moving playing with the sound low, Seokjin finally continues the conversation from earlier.
“Do you want to talk about it?
Jungkook guesses he might as well get this part over with. “Not much to talk about. I’m an idiot. I thought he could love me back, but he can’t. So, it’s over. I have to get over it.”
Seokjin lifts his head rather dramatically and then sits up. Jungkook keeps his eyes on the ceiling. He’s feeling comfortably numb and he really doesn’t want to let his unpleasant feelings spike up again just yet.
“You’re talking about Jimin. Park Jimin. Park Jimin can’t love you, that’s what you’re saying?”
Jungkook rolls his eyes, then hopes that Seokjin didn’t see it. He’s letting him stay in his apartment after all, he’s taking care of him. “Yes, hyung, that’s what I said.”
Seokjin is quiet for a minute and then he says. “And you’re just going to get over it?”
“I don’t have a choice, do I? I don’t want to mess up the group, I don’t want to be unhappy forever. I have to just figure it out.”
“Hmmph. Well … I don’t want to push you Jungkook, but … I have to say, I think that maybe you should talk to Jimin again --”
“No.”
“What?”
“I’m done trying to get him to talk to me. He’s done nothing but pull away from me. I’ll talk to him if he wants to, of course I will. I still want us to be friends. But he has to come to me.”
Jungkook finally sits up. “I’m sorry, hyung, I’m just tired. Can we go to sleep now?”
Seokin has a look of deep concern on his face. He sighs, and then nods. “Alright, Jungkook. But there’s one thing this old hyung has learned over the years of watching all of you fight and make up and grow up to be amazing friends, the closest people I’ve ever seen. And it’s that assumptions kill understanding. And that we have to accept people for who they are and really try to see things from their point of view. I think if you really think about it, if you remember who Jimin is, and what makes him tick, that maybe this all wouldn’t be so hard. That’s what love is, isn’t it? Giving the other person the benefit of the doubt, despite what things might seem?”
Jungkook shakes his head. What Seokjin is saying makes sense, he knows that. But his addled, tired brain and his hurt heart can’t take it in. “I’m sorry, hyung. I’ll think about it. But I’m just so tired.”
Seokjin aquiesces and they both go to bed.
----------
The next month is like some long nightmare. Jungkook keeps wishing that he could pinch himself and wake up. That he could somehow make his brain forget about how amazing it was to have Jimin, and how devastating it is now that he’s lost him. To know what it is like to kiss him, to hold him, to make him laugh in that special way that he only did when it was just the two of them.
And now he doesn’t even have his friendship either. The first schedule they have together is like Jungkook’s worst nightmare come to life.
Jungkook and Seokjin walk into the practice room together. They need to refresh and get ready for the concert in Saudia Arabia and the big finale in Seoul. They’re less than a month away. They’ll also be deep in recordings for the new album, but that is more time spent alone with producers than together. Dance practice is where the danger is.
Jimin is there already with the rest of the members. He’s talking to Taehyung and Yoongi while they all stretch. He’s facing away from the door, but Jungkook makes eye contact with him in the mirror. Jimin’s eyes widen, and then it’s like his face shutters. It’s a cold look, one that looks so foreign on the face of his most joyful, caring hyung. Jungkook realizes he has seen that look once before.
It had been at an awards show, backstage. Jimin and he had been fooling around, throwing some balls of tape at each other, laughing and ducking. They were interrupted by another idol, someone Jungkook thought Jimin was close with. But Jimin had gotten that same pinched look on his face, and calmly, but very coldly, told the guy to fuck off. It was the scariest Jungkook had ever seen his hyung, and when the guy had left, understandably quickly, he turned around to Jungkook’s shocked face and just said, “Turns out that guy isn’t actually my friend. Heard from Taemin-hyung that he was talking shit about Namjoonie-hyung.” And that was it.
And now the same look resides on Jimin’s face, except Jungkook is the cause. Jungkook feels sick. He’s saved by Sungdeuk calling them together and getting the session started. Jungkook shuts off the part of his brain that he does when he’s under the weather and has to perform, has to push through despite pain. He just shuts it all out and he follows instructions and he dances, while keeping his eyes on his own form in the mirror. He avoids talking to anyone during the breaks, using his phone as an excuse, but really just staring blankly, willing the time to go by faster.
Eventually practice ends and he’s out of the room like a shot, not even waiting for Seokjin. He’s thankful that no one runs after him. He knows it was a complete failure how he and Jimin acted today. They’re going to have to do better. But at least for this one day, no one is chasing him to check on him or scold him, and for that he’s grateful.
The rest of the month goes roughly the same, despite Jungkook’s determination each morning to do better, to be the bigger person. Every time he sees Jimin, the cold reception is the same, and the only way he knows how to deal with it is to shut down. He even has several late night talks with Seokjin where they discuss better strategies to break the ice, but every time he fails.
He has gone from having a bright, happy life with his hyungs, from a friendship with Jimin that buoyed even his worst days. And then he had had even more, he had had everything. And now it feels like he has nothing. He can’t believe how cruel life is, to tease him with everything he ever wanted, then to snatch it away.
The tension can’t hold and one day, it doesn’t. It’s one week to Riyadh and they’re doing final run-throughs in the studio before they take some individual time to brush up on solos. Jungkook is doing his best to concentrate, but a massively frustrated Sungdeuk has had enough.
“Stop!” He yells, a bit of an edge to his voice that all the guys hear. “Everyone take a minute. Jungkook, Jimin, come here.”
Jungkook gulps, but follows Sungdeuk to the corner. He separates them out, but Sungdeuk speaks loud enough for everyone in the room to hear, including the other staff. He does it deliberately. Jimin and he stand like two children ready to be scolded.
“I don’t know what is going on with you two, and frankly, I don’t care. You think you can just do the moves and that’s good enough? You shine because of your connection, all of you. What I’m seeing from you is technical excellence, but shit chemistry. You both know better than this. Practice is over early for you two, congratulations. You’ll be in tomorrow and you will have figured out how to get back to yourselves. You’re dismissed.”
Jungkook’s face is bright red in embarrassment. Sungdeuk is completely right. He glances over at Jimin, who looks just as chastised as he feels. Sungdeuk nods at the door, and both Jungkook and Jimn bow to him slightly with their heads, and then gather their things, both feeling too ashamed to meet anyone’s eyes. They’re forced to leave together and at first they’re both excruciatingly quiet.
Jimin breaks the silence as they walk down the hall, going where Jungkook is not sure. “Drink?” Jungkook looks at him in surprise. He is looking down, face thoughtful.
Well, he thinks, it can’t possibly get worse than it has been. “Ok. Lounge?” There’s usually a few beers at least in the artists’ lounge and they head that way. It’s thankfully empty, and Jimin goes to the fridge, grabs two bottles and hands one to Jungkook.
They sit awkwardly on the couch, sipping at their drinks. Jimin throws his hoodie on, clearly getting cold once his sweat from practice starts to dry. He gets his arm stuck in one side. Jungkook watches him struggle for a few moments before realising he’s too stubborn to ask for help. He sighs and reaches over, helping untangle the sweater arm so Jimin can shove his arm through. Jimin looks abashed. “Thank you,” he murmurs.
“No problem.”
Jimin takes a big gulp of his beer, and then says, “Well, that was pretty fucking awful, wasn’t it?”
Jungkook scoffs. “I’ll say. I haven’t got a scolding like that from Sungdeuk-nim since 2016. We’re fucking up, aren’t we, hyung?”
“Yup. One hundred percent.”
Jungkook’s voice comes out small. “What do we do?” He suddenly feels terrifyingly close to tears.
“I don’t want to hurt you, Kookie, despite what you might think.”
Jungkook stares hard at Jimin. He’s finally lost that cold look on his face. He looks open.
“What do you want, hyung?”
“I don’t know. I know that if I could take away all the things I did wrong, I would. I know if I could rewind time and make different decisions, I would. I know that’s impossible. I know I don’t want to lose you completely, although it feels a little bit like I already have. I know we have to get our shit together or we’re going to get called into Bang PD’s office. I know we owe it to the guys to at least be civil.”
Jungkook is a little surprised. This is the most honest Jimin has been with him in what feels like forever. He lets him keep talking.
“I know that if you hate me even a fraction of the way I hate myself right now, it would break my heart.” A single tear tracks it’s way down his cheek.
Jungkook breathes in a shaky breath, trying to keep his own tears at bay. He’s so tired of crying.
“Jimin, hyung, I… I could never hate you, not ever.”
Jimin reaches out and Jungkook takes his hand, without thinking. “Promise?”
“I promise.” He says, simply, honestly, firmly.
And it suddenly occurs to him that Jimin’s cold demeanor, both that day at the awards show, and the last several weeks with Jungkook, didn’t appear with the purpose of affecting the other person. It was self protection. He thinks about what Seokjin said about giving the other person the benefit of the doubt, and about trying to remember what makes Jimin tick. If he misunderstood this, what else could he have misunderstood?
It’s too much to think about right now, and he still feels hurt and wary, like a colt that’s been hunted, but it’s a start. He makes a small promise to himself in that moment, to try to understand Jimin again, even if that understanding means it’s not the easiest path, even if it's painful.
“Hyung,” he says, “I don’t want to keep on like this. I don’t want to lose your friendship either. Can we try a little harder? Our first concert in three months is next week. I just want to perform, I know you do too. I want to try to get back to us, the way we used to be.”
Jimin swallows, another few tears escaping his eyes. “Yes, ok, I want that too. I can do that if you can.”
Jungkook drags his thumb over the back of Jimin’s hand for a few seconds, and then lets go. Jimin uses his sweater paw to wipe the tears off his face and chugs the rest of his beer.
Jungkook gives a small laugh and then downs the rest of his too. “Better?” He asks.
“Better.” Jimin parrots, a small smile on his lips.
And it is better. The rest of the week, they force themselves to interact. It’s not butterflies and rainbows, but it’s a thousand times better than the icy silence has been, for them, but also for the group. Sungdeuk is immensely pleased with them the next day, and declares them ready for the concerts.
It’s mostly solo practise and recording until their flight to Saudia Arabia, but there are several logistics meetings and cultural learning meetings, and Jungkook and Jimin are both making a noticeable effort: to sit next to each other, to make conversation, and to join in with the rest of the guys. The air feels clearer. At one point he looks up and sees Yoongi looking at him proudly, and he blushes a bit, lowering his head. He feels proud of himself too, and of Jimin. They’re making it work.
The nights are still bad, lying in bed at Seokjin’s place with nothing but his own thoughts for company. He still desperately misses Jimin. Misses the taste of his skin, and the way his lilting laugh sounds under the sheets. He’s still mourning a future they could have had. He feels the loss so keenly, and yet he also can see the start of a time when he will be ok with how things turned out, as long as he doesn’t lose him completely.
He wonders too, how Jimin is doing. He can only imagine that now that he’s assured that Jungkook still wants to be friends, and that their breakup won’t ruin the group, that he’s doing better, and that he’s relieved that he no longer has to keep up the charade of feelings for Jungkook.
One night he is texting with Taehyung, asking him for some advice on a game he knows Taehyung has beat before.
Jungkook
Oh, I get it now! Thanks hyung, it was driving me crazy!
Taehyungie
No problemo kiddo, use this knowledge wisely.
Jungkook rolls his eyes alone in his room. Taehyung is only two years older, but sometimes he likes to act like he has ten years on Jungkook
Jungkook
Ok, old man, I’ll remember.
Taehyungie
How are you doing, really? No bullshit. I know you’ve been doing better at work but I know you Jeon Jungkook, I know you’re an emo boy in your room right now.
Jungkook laughs a bit, but then considers. He decides to be honest.
Jungkook
Honestly? Pretty fucking terrible, hyung. I feel like my heart is broken and it might never mend. I know it will, I know this is what’s best, for Jimin, for the group, but it’s hard, knowing what I almost had. Sorry.
He watches as the little dots indicate that Taehyung is typing … and typing … and typing. Jungkook gets impatient and goes back to his game, and five minutes later Taehyung’s message finally comes in. It’s surprisingly short.
Taehyungie
Jungkook-ah, you’re an amazing person. Hyung loves you. Don’t give up hope on a happy ending, yeah?
Jungkook isn’t sure what he means by a happy ending. He guesses that if Jimin and he get through this with their friendship intact, that will be a happy ending of sorts.
Jungkook
Ok, hyung, I won’t. Love you too. Night.
-------------------
It’s finally time for their Riyadh concert, and Jungkook is looking forward to it more than any concert in a long time. The time off from performing, everything he’s gone through since their last show, it’s felt like a lifetime, and he is eager to get back to what he is so passionate about. He can’t wait for the adrenaline and endorphins of a live show. He can’t wait to just be Jungkook of BTS. He knows how to be him. He’s good at it.
He starts to feel more himself as they go through the familiarity of their airport departure, as he settles into the hotel room (he only needs one key this time), as he goes through tech rehearsals. It’s also the excitement of performing in a country they never have before. He often wishes they could perform in every country where there is Army.
They’re going through final rehearsals the night before the concert. Most of the guys have already left, Hoseok and Jungkook staying late to make some last minute adjustments to their solo stages.
Jungkook waits for Hobi, and they get a car together back to the hotel. They get stuck in some traffic, so it takes longer than it should. Jungkook is tired, nodding a bit as the car inches forward.
Hobi gives his knee a jostle with his own, getting his attention.
“Given that I’ve got you hostage in this car, how are you doing? Ease your hyung’s worried heart.”
Jungkook laughs. “Ok, hyung. I’m doing ok. It’s still hard, it still sucks, but I can see a way forward now. Things are better.”
“Good. I’m glad. I would hate it if either of you felt like we weren’t here for both of you, no one is taking sides. You’ll get through this, you’ll figure out this whole mess.”
Jungkook is confused by that. “What’s there to figure out, hyung? I think we just need time. Me to get over it, Jimin to stop feeling guilty. It’s not his fault. He just couldn’t love me back, I get it. It sucks, but I get it. I wish he had talked to me about it sooner, but I also could tell he was scared, I guess.”
He looks over at Hoseok then, and he has his mad face on. Wait, what?
“What are you talking about?”
Jungkook frowns. “What do you mean? I’m telling you how I’m doing … like you asked?”
“You’re telling me that you think what happened is that Jimin doesn’t love you back.”
Jungkook is getting irritated, this isn’t helping him. “That is what happened. Sorry, hyung, can we not talk about this anymore? I’m tired, I just want to focus on the concert.”
Hosek’s frown doesn’t go away, but he nods and rubs at Jungkook’s knee for a moment, before letting him space out looking out the window. Hobi is furiously texting someone the rest of the way to the hotel. Jungkook wonders if he’s seeing someone back in Korea. It’s a lot of texting for almost one in the morning.
He’s practically sleeping on his feet by the time they get to the hotel and he parts with Hobi at the elevator bank, making his way to his hotel room, the first hotel room in a long time with no possibility of company in the form of a docile and willing Jimin. He forces himself to forget all the hotel rooms of the past six months, and slips beneath the sheets. He’s done this alone for so many years, he can do it again. He sleeps, dreaming of soft limbs, smooth skin moving over powerful muscles, and the sounds of love in his ears. It’s just a dream.
----------------
Jungkook is a little alarmed at Jimin’s appearance the next day at the venue. He looks like he got little to no sleep, deep circles under his eyes, his gaze faraway. He’s sullen at first, and then he seems to shake himself out of it, getting caught up in the pre-show excitement.
At one point, Jungkook pulls him aside, worried. “You ok, hyung?” Jimin looks a little distressed at the attention at first, but then he dismisses Jungkook’s concern.
“I’m fine, just a little tired, didn’t sleep well. I’ll forget all about it once the show starts, like usual, you know how it is.”
“Ok, hyung, maybe just pace yourself, yeah?
“Ok, Kookie.”
Jungkook thinks it's not a good sign how quickly Jimin agreed, he usually gets a little indignant whenever anyone shows too much concern about him when it comes to concerts, his stubborn streak coming in strong. He seems subdued.
There’s no time to worry though, the show starts, and Jimin seems to be right. He’s his usual amazing self on stage. Jungkook gets caught up in the energy too, falling in love again, as he always does, with performing. They were a little worried about performing in a new place, about how the crowd is going to be, but the energy is amazing and life affirming.
The concert flies by. Jungkook does notice that Jimin seems a little more tired backstage than usual, getting more oxygen after the medley, and stumbling as he gets changed a few times. Then Jungkook scolds himself for paying such close attention. He can’t act like Jimin’s special protector anymore, that’s not his role.
He does get Namjoon’s attention and nods subtly to Jimin. Namjoon grimaces and then nods, going over to Jimin to no doubt give him the “pace yourself” speech he has to many of them countless times. Jimin nods vigorously throughout. He’s back to his energetic self for the encore, delightfully surprised as the members sing him happy birthday in arabic, and hamming it up for the crowd once he realises what’s happening.
Before Jungkook knows it, the beats of Mikrokosmos are filling the air and he’s tearfully saying goodbye to Army, trying to make eye contact and wave to as many in the crowd as he can. He can hear his hyungs’ voices scattered across the stage as they do the same. They gather at the apex of the central stage, they bow, and then they’re slowly sinking beneath the stage.
Jungkook breaths out a sigh of relief. They did it. He is so glad he has pulled through, that he’s reminded himself why this life of his is worth fighting through anything for. His train of thought is interrupted by a rush of movement at his side.
Jimin is stumbling off the lift early, rushing forward to lean an arm against one of the makeshift walls beneath the stage. Jungkook is alarmed. What’s happening?
As the lift finishes its descent, he steps off with his hyungs, moving toward Jimin, all concerned at his strange behaviour. Jimin’s shoulders convulse, and he bends over at the waist, one arm out and still holding himself up. Jungkook hears the sound of retching, barely reaching him over the roar of the crowd above and the sound of fireworks. Jimin is throwing up.
Taehyung reaches Jimin first, putting a hand on his back, trying to comfort him. Jungkook feels his heart wrench at the sight, and he goes to join Taehyung by Jimin’s side, but Hobi puts a hand on his shoulder, stopping him. Jungkook scans his face, but just shakes his head, face grim.
They watch along with the others as Jimin holds himself up, limbs shaking slightly. Taehyung seems to be speaking softly in his ear. He looks back at the group and waves them off.
Jimin gives up on trying to stand and crouches down, and Taehyung moves with him, drawing him back to make sure he doesn’t get any of the mess on him.
Jungkook is reluctant to leave, but allows himself to be pulled away. Yoongi stays, hovering over the two younger boys. Before he’s out of ear shot, he calls, “Hoseok-ah, maybe get Sejin-nim? Let’s get him back to the hotel as fast as possible.”
Jungkook feels wretched walking back to the change room. What is going on? He doesn’t understand, and he desperately wants to be by Jimin’s side. Hoseok quickly finds Sejin and he goes running back towards the stage.
As the rest of them change, the mood is grim. The happiness of the concert has been erased by all of their concern for Jimin. Hoseok lets out an exclamation. “Oof, Joon-ah! Jimin’s appa!”
“Oh crap.” Namjoon replies, slapping himself across the forehead. “I totally forgot.”
“Huh?” Jungkook says, even more confused.
Namjoon turns to him briefly. “Jimn’s appa wanted to surprise him. He flew out to watch the concert. He was in the crowd tonight, he wanted to surprise Jimin after. Hoseok-ah, I’ll text him, get him to meet him at the hotel instead.”
“Ok, good idea.”
Sejin jogs back into the room, quickly gathering up Jimin’s things. Jungkook strides forward and interrupts him. “Sejin-nim, what’s going on? Is Jimin ok?”
Sejin looks up briefly, and then keeps working. “He’s ok, Jungkook, I think he just didn’t eat enough before the concert and didn’t get enough sleep. He’s just a little shaky. We’re going to rush him to the hotel so he can get something in his stomach and get to bed.” He considers for a moment. “You want to come with? There’s space for one more in the car.”
“Yes! I’m ready, let’s go.” He follows Sejin out. He hears Seokjin calling his name, but he ignores it, jogging with Sejin to where the car is waiting.
He jumps in the back with Jimin’s things, Sejin getting in beside the driver. He settles in beside Yoongi, who is surprised to see him, but then puts his arm around his shoulders.
Taehyung and Jimin are in the seats opposite. Taehyung has his arm around Jimin. Jimn’s head is lolling on his shoulder, eyes closed. Taehyung looks worried, but he gives Jungkook a small smile of acknowledgement.
Jungkook can’t take his eyes off of Jimin as the car makes its way to the hotel. It takes less than twenty minutes, but it feels like forever. Jimin stays dozing, his face pale. If Jungkook needed a painful reminder of how much he still loves Jimin, this was certainly it. He desperately wishes he could run his hands through Jimin’s hair, give him some comfort.
Jimin stirs when the car stops in front of the hotel.
“We’re here, Jiminie,” Taehyung says. “Can I take you up to your room?”
Jimin looks a little surprised to see Jungkook, but he turns to Taehyung. “Yeah, ok. Sorry guys, please don’t worry, I’m ok.” His weak voice betrays his words.
They all pile out of the car together and make their way in silence through the lobby and into the elevator, Sejin squeezing in with him. “I called ahead Jimin-ah and ordered you some food to your room. Taehyung, you’ll make sure he eats?”
Taehyung and Jimin both nod. Jungkook can't stand the thought of just going to his room at this point, but he also doesn’t want to intrude. He flexes his hand at his side, trying to psyche himself up to ask whether Jimin would mind if he joined them.
They all pour out of the elevator at their private floor. Jimin and Taehyung are in front, and Jungkook is about to ask, when he hears someone call Jimin’s name further down the hallway.
It’s Jimn’s appa. He’s standing with one of the body guards in front of Jimin’s room. Jungkook takes a few more steps but Jimin has stopped short, still leaning on Taehyung, so he stops at his side.
Jimin looks utterly shocked to see his appa. His appa has a big grin on his face, clearly delighted to be surprising his son with a visit. He strides towards them and then stops suddenly.
Jungkook looks at Jimin and sees that his face has crumbled. He looks like someone has punched him. He lets out a single loud sob and then he curls in on himself and crouches down, hugging himself as more sobs rip out of his throat. Taehyung seems frozen in shock, and Jungkook doesn’t do much better.
Jimn’s appa is running forward now, and Jungkook makes room for him to kneel down in front of his son.
“Jimin-ah, my son, what’s wrong? What’s happening?” He looks up at Jungkook then, looking for an explanation. Jungkook feels like his heart is beating in his throat, but his face must be blank.
His appa takes charge then, gathering Jimin up in his arms and leading him the rest of the way to his hotel room. Sejin jogs forward to catch up, grabbing Jimin’s bag from Jungkook’s frozen arms on the way, fishing out Jimn’s key to let them both into his room. They disappear inside and Jungkook, Yoongi, and Taehyung are left in the hallway.
“What the fuck?” Jungkook bursts out. He turns to Taehyung and grabs him by the front of his shirt. “What the fuck is going on?”
Yoongi grabs them both then, one hand on one of each of their arms, and drags them towards his room. “You’re both coming with me, come on, inside.” He marches them in and sits them down on his bed. He grabs three waters from his mini fridge and makes them all take a sip before he lets them talk.
“Ok, calmly now. Clearly Jimin is struggling more than we thought. Taehyung, do you know what’s going on?”
Jungkook watches Taehyung closely but he just shakes his head. “It’s not my place to tell.” He glances at Jungkook then, looking guilty. “I can say he’s been struggling. Not sleeping well, that kind of stuff. But I thought he was coping ok.”
“Clearly he’s not ok!” Jungkook cries, and there’s something a little accusatory in his tone.
Taehyung scowls but doesn’t counter.
Yoongi huffs. “No fighting. We’re all concerned about Jimin, let’s not take it out on each other. We all know how stubborn he can be. No one would know a single thing about what’s going on with him unless he wanted us too.”
He sits down between them and puts one hand on each of their knees. “Let’s just be glad his appa happened to be here. I think he’ll be the best person for him. He’s in good hands. Now, off to bed you two. There’s nothing else we can do tonight. Try to sleep, we still have a long flight tomorrow.”
Jungkook scowls. How can he possibly go to sleep now? But he knows Yoongi is right. Jimin is with his appa. There couldn’t be anyone better to help him through whatever is going on.
Jungkook starts to feel a terrible black guilt as he walks to his own hotel room, Taehyung giving him a one armed hug as they part. He thinks about every time he avoided Jimin in the past month, every time he refused to meet his eyes. He thought they had gotten to a better place, but now he worries that this is all his fault.
If only he had been more mature, if only he had let Jimin go easier, he wouldn’t be in such bad shape. He can’t believe he let his hyung get this bad. The only way he can get to sleep is by promising himself that he’ll do better, starting tomorrow. He can shove down his own pain if it means never having to see Jimin the way he was tonight.
-------------
Jungkook doesn’t get the chance to start keeping his promise the next day. As they gather at the front of the hotel for their rides to the airport, they all look worried. Taehyung comes down next to last and Seokjin immediately asks him, “Where’s Jimin?’
Taehyung shakes his head. “I don’t know. I went by his room but it still had the do not disturb sign hung. I wasn’t sure if I should knock.”
Sejin comes out of the elevator then, making his way over to the group. “Jimin’s not coming.”
“What?” Jungkook can’t help the alarm in his tone.
Sejin looks sympathetic, but he also gives him a look that clearly means to lower his voice. “Don’t worry so much, Jungkook-ah. We thought it best he got more sleep. We re-booked him and Mr Park on a later flight. They’ll still get home today, just not on the same flight.”
Jungkook has no choice but to accept this. He desperately wants to see Jimin, make sure he’s ok, but he swallows it down and follows the other guys into the cars waiting outside. He takes the same one as Taehyung and Hobi. They are silent most of the way, all caught up in their own thoughts.
As they near the airport, Hobi speaks, his voice a little shaky. “Jungkook-ah, Taehyung-ie, I feel like I owe you an apology. No, wait, just let me say this. I met up with Jimin after we got back from rehearsals the night before last. I can't tell you what we talked about, but he was upset. I should have told you, Taehyung-ah, so that he could have someone to lean on.”
Jungkook feels a spark of resentment, but Taehyung quickly reaches out to Hobi, grabbing his arms and looking at him in the eyes. “Hobi-hyung, this is not your fault. Frankly, I thought about it a lot last night, and I think this was a long time coming. I think it’s going to be a good thing, in the long run.” He glances quickly at Jungkook, then continues. “I think Jimin needed to face some things, and if this helps him do that, then good.”
Jungkook scowls. Everyone is always talking in vagaries around him. He hates being in the dark.
Hobi looks less than reassured, and Jungkook can’t help but blurt out. “Was it another conversation like the one in Chicago? The one where the two of you talked about whether he should really be with me? You know, he never actually told me about that. You just assumed in the car that time, and I let you believe it. He never said a word to me.” Jungkook feels a little like a petulant child after the outburst, but all his worry is bursting out of every pore.
Hoseok just looks at him sadly, tolerantly. “I know Jungkook-ah. I figured that out. I’m so sorry. I was trying to be a good hyung and I think I just made everything worse.”
And Jungkook believes him. Hobi can be a bit of a control freak, but he always has the best, purest intentions at heart. He knows that he cares deeply about both him and Jimin. And he was right in the end, wasn’t he? Jungkook suddenly feels another layer of guilt at lashing out at his hyung and he bursts into tears.
Hoseok and Taehyung both coo and move closer to him, sandwiching him between them and petting his hair, mumbling reassurances. They share a look over his head and get the driver to circle the airport a few times so he can pull himself together. He does eventually, and he flies home, feeling for all the world like he left his heart in Riyadh.
---------------------
By the time their flight lands, he has a text from Jimin. He waits until he’s settled in the car for the ride home before he reads it in full, eager but a little scared. It’s a long text.
Jimin-hyung
Hey Jungkookie. I’m sorry if hyung scared you last night. I never wanted to do that, not to you or any of the others. I didn’t take care of myself and I take responsibility for that. I’m sure it seemed very dramatic. Typical me, huh? I’m really ok, just not enough food and sleep. And I know there’s more to it then that but I had the longest talk with my appa when I woke up this morning. And I think I finally understand where I’ve been going wrong and what I need to do. I don’t want you to worry about me, ok? I promise I’ll be ok, no matter what. And I’m hoping you’ll give me another chance, to explain what’s been going on. I owe you a proper explanation, for everything. My flight is about to board. Be home soon. Please wait for me, one more time.
Jungkook breathes out a sigh of relief. He both feels reassured and incredibly tired and wary. He wants to make sure Jimin is ok, but he’s not sure if his heart can take a detailed explanation of why Jimin couldn’t be with him. But then he thinks of the conversation with Seokkjin, and his promise to himself to understand his hyung. He can do this, for him.
Jungkook
Hyung I’m so glad you’re feeling better. I won’t lie, I was super worried but I’m glad it worked out that your appa was there for you. Don’t beat yourself up please, that won’t help. I’m here anytime you want to talk. Just let me know where and when.
He gets another text four hours later, as he’s drifting down into sleep. Jimin’s plane must have landed.
Jimin-hyung
Ok Jungkookie, no beating up will happen. I’m under strict orders from my appa about that too. I know we have a gap in our schedule next week, right before rehearsals for the final. Can we meet at your apartment?
Jungkook
Ok hyung. I’ll be there. Night.
Jimin-hyung
Night bun. Sweet dreams.
Jungkook stares at the pet name on his screen for a solid five minutes before he shuts his phone off. He wants, he still wants.
------------------
The days leading up to his talk with Jimin are long. At least Jimin seems in good spirits. He’s extra attentive to his hyungs, extra thoughtful and caring. It’s his way of reassuring them and apologizing for the worry. He gives Jungkook a little more space, but he always has a smile for him, and a couple of compliments here and there.
At one point he thinks Jimin might be flirting with him, but he tries not to think too much into it. Jimin always flirted with him, even before. If anything, it’s a sign that he is getting past things, past them. Jungkook tries not to be saddened by it.
Jungkook feels strange not doing anything special for Jimin’s birthday a few days after the concert, but he reminds himself he’s not that special person to Jimin anymore. He does what he would have before, sending Jimin several texts, joining in when they all surprise him with a cake, and even posting the silliest photos of him he can find in his phone. He hides the special present he bought for him way back in Europe deep in his closet. He’ll get him something more friend-appropriate. Jimin will understand if his gift is a little late.
He spends the morning they are meeting up in the studio, putting the finishing touches on his solo recording for the new album. He heads home right after, stopping briefly to grab a few things in case Jimin wants a drink or something to eat while he’s over. Jungkook isn’t sure what direction the conversation is going to go, but he thinks there will probably be at least a few tears, so he grabs some kleenex too.
He hits traffic after that, so Jimin actually beats him there, but only by a few minutes. He buzzes him in through his phone, and when Jungkook gets inside, Jimin is sitting on the couch, legs curled up underneath him.
Jungkook hates how much he loves the sight of Jimin waiting for him in his apartment. He’s wearing a pair of black leggings that he usually wears to dance practice when they're not filming, and an oversized sweatshirt with a big hood. It dwarfs him, and he looks small and dainty. Jungkook’s heart squeezes and he inwardly berates himself. He has to stop that now.
Jimin jumps up and helps him with the bags. He insists on helping him unpack them. He suddenly laughs and Jungkook looks over. Jimin happened to have the bag that has the soju, diet coke, gummies, and kleenex.
“You came prepared I guess!” Jungkook feels a bit embarrassed, but then laughs along.
“Hey, you can’t say I don’t know you, hyung. Which do you want first?”
Jimin places a hand over his mouth as he laughs, his eyes sparkling. “Gummies, definitely.”
He plucks them from the bag and rips them open, walking back to the couch. Jungkook follows him like a puppy dog, and sits a few feet from him on the couch. Jimin pops a few gummies in his mouth and then throws a couple at Jungkook, who makes him laugh by catching them in his mouth.
They just talk shop for a while. Jungkook is still feeling buzzed from the morning’s recording and he excitedly talks about his song and his ideas for staging for a while. Jimin smiles proudly at him.
“It’s an amazing song, Kookie, very you.”
“Thanks hyung, I’m excited for everyone to hear it.”
“Well, they’re going to love it.”
There’s a bit of an awkward pause then. Jimin throws the bag of gummies on the coffee table, wiping his hands on his leggings and clearing his throat. Jungkook feels nervous and utterly unprepared for this conversation. He steeles his nerves for whatever he might hear.
Before Jimn can speak, he blurts out. “You seem to be doing better, hyung. I’m really glad. No matter what, I never wanted you to suffer anything.”
Jimin hums. “I know, Kookie. You’re too good. That’s how all this started, remember? You wanted me to be happy.”
Jungkook nods, already feeling the sadness creep over him. He had wanted that, and look at the mess he got them in. But he stays quiet. He needs to let Jimin say what he needs to say.
“Ok, this is harder than I thought it was going to be.” Jimin huffs out a big breath. He closes his eyes for a moment, gathering his thoughts.
“I hope you’ll listen, Kookie. I should have told you all of this a long time ago. I know I hurt you a lot by holding back. I was so confused, in denial, and just so twisted up that even if I could go back in time, I’m not sure if I could have done things differently. My appa, he helped me figure out a few things. Hobi-hyung too.”
Jungkook just nods encouragingly. “I’m listening, hyung.”
“Ok. I’ll try to start at the beginning. I know you might not remember, but I was especially nervous for Hobi-hyung and Soekjin-hyung to know about us. I didn’t understand why at the time. And then in Chicago, that night I got that call from my appa, I thought about telling him, but I didn’t, and I didn’t quite understand that either. I spiraled a bit then. I was so unsure and I couldn’t figure out why.
“When we were together there was nothing I was more sure of in my life. That you were precious to me, that I should protect what we had. I was feeling whiplash between wanting to yell about it from the rooftops, but something in me was stopping me from sharing. And I won’t lie, the thought of talking to Bang PD, it terrified me. And then I felt so guilty, because you were so eager to do that, to move forward, and I was keeping us stuck.
“And I should have talked with you then, I know I should have, but I was so scared to hurt you, that you might misunderstand my hesitation. Hell, I didn’t even understand it. I was determined that I would figure it out on my own and share with you once I knew what was going on in my head. But it just got more confusing, and I kept making mistakes, and hurting you, and it was this vicious cycle that I couldn’t break. And you were so good to me, always forgiving me and waiting for me.”
He pauses then, checking in with Jungkook with his eyes. But Jimin is finally talking, finally at long last sharing, and Jungkook doesn’t want him to stop, even with how hurtful it is to know that when Jimin finally did figure things out, that he decided the solution was to not be with him.
He prompts him. “And in Chicago, that was when Hobi-hyung questioned you … about your feelings for me.”
“Yes, and I’m so sorry I never told you, Jungkookie. I’m so sorry you found out the way you did, and then you were just waiting for me to say something and I never did.” Jimin's eyes start to shine with tears and Jungkook can't stand it.
He moves forward on the couch so their knees touch. “Please don’t cry, hyung.” He sniffs a bit himself. “It’s too early in the conversation to cry. Should I grab the kleenex?
Jimin laughs, his eyes still sparkling with tears, but he holds out his sweater paws. “Why do you think I chose this sweater?”
They both laugh, the air clearing a bit. Jimin blinks back his tears
Jimin starts again. “Please don’t be mad at Hobi-hyung. He just knows me so well and he could tell something was off at the dinner where we told everyone. He wanted to have a conversation, just me and him. And it was the easiest thing in the world to reassure him, Jungkookie, because my feelings for you weren’t what was making me doubt.”
“Back then.” Jungkook says.
Jimin squints his eyes. He doesn’t really respond, just keeps going.
“I’m sorry too, for that night in London. I think that’s what I hate myself the most for. Even more so than what I did about the break. I never talked to you about what happened that night, and that is really shitty of me, as your boyfriend, but also as your hyung. I should never have just let it be. I never checked in to make sure you were ok.” His voice is shaking again.
Jungkook reaches forward and grips the sides of his head with his hands.
“Hyung, please don’t ever say you hate yourself. Not even as a joke. I don’t hate you. Yes, at the time I was upset and confused. But I’m gathering that you were just as upset as me. And just because you’re the hyung doesn’t mean you are responsible for everything in our relationship. I was just as responsible as you. And I’ll admit, I didn’t speak up either. I was scared to, and so I pushed off a lot of questions I should have asked. I didn’t speak up for myself, and that’s on me.”
Jimin nods, causing a few tears dancing on his lashes to track down his cheeks. Jungkook uses his thumbs to erase their tracks. He pulls his hands back and lets Jimin compose himself.
He starts again, his voice a little gravely with emotion. “That’s just it, Jungkook. That’s what I finally figured out. That’s why I was so hesitant to tell my appa, Bang PD, even some of the hyungs. That’s why I shied away that night. Because deep down inside, I kept saying to myself, ‘I’m the hyung, I’m the hyung, he’s my dongsaeng, what am I doing, what am I doing?’”
Jungkook hits a mental roadblock. “I don’t understand, why does that matter?”
“Because!” Jimin is getting truly upset now. “Because I’m supposed to take care of you! I’m supposed to help guide you and lead you to your best possible life! And here I was, leading you into a relationship with me, your bandmate, your gay bandmate in an idol group! You have such a bright future, Jungkook. You’re just getting started and anything you want in life, you can have it. You could have the best life, a solo career one day as big as the biggest artists in the world. And every day we were putting that at risk. I was letting us do that.
“Without me, you would just be a talented singer in one of the biggest bands in the world! With me, you were one half of a taboo relationship just waiting to be exposed. And all because I was sad and you wanted me to be happy. All because of me.” Jimin stops, panting, the tears flowing unimpeded now.
“I couldn’t get past it. I saw it every time we got close to moving forward. I was both deliriously happy, and miserable at the same time. And so I sabotaged us at every turn. I planned that trip without you. I put a whole word of space between us. I never opened up to you. I pushed you away, and I let you think I didn’t love you. Because I couldn’t stand to keep hurting you! I thought it was the best thing for you. You could get over me, and could have everything you wanted one day. An amazing career, a family, kids. I don’t know if I can give you all of those things.”
“Wait.” Jungkook whispers. He feels shell shocked. He feels like he’s been blind for the last six months and suddenly he can see.
“Wait.” He says again, louder this time. “You let me think you didn’t love me? Is that what you just said?”
Jimin sobs then, a single terrible sound. Jungkook grabs his hands and holds them tight in his lap. He leans forward and places his forehead against Jimin’s, squeezing his eyes tightly shut. He’s vibrating with tension, shaking like a leaf. “Do you love me?” He asks desperately. “Do you?”
“Yes. Yes, I love you. I love you so much. I love you so much I feel like it almost killed me to lose you.”
Jungkook sucks in a breath, and then he’s crying. He can’t describe the relief he feels, the incredible relief. All this time, all this time, it was only the thought that Jimin didn’t love him back that broke him. But he loved him! He loved him! He did.
He keeps his eyes closed. “Say it again.”
Jimin hiccups and then laughs. “I’m sorry, that is the most unromantic sound I’ve ever made. I love you, Jeon Jungkook. You are the love of my life.”
Jungkook leaps forward then, forcing Jimin onto his back, covering his body with his own and hugging him tightly. “You love me,” he says in awe, face pressed tightly to Jimin’s neck. “You love me.”
“Yes, baby, yes, yes, yes.” And they’re crying together, bodies intertwined.
Eventually, Jungkook shifts, aware that he’s probably much too heavy on top of Jimin. He sits up and pulls Jimin up with him, keeping him in his arms.
Jimn wipes Jungkook’s face with his sweater paws, and then his own. They are both red faced and snotty. Jungkook laughs, and then says. “Stay here, it’s time for kleenex.”
Jimin giggles and pushes him as he goes. “And Diet Coke!” he calls after.
Jungkook grabs both and rushes back. He blows his nose as Jimin cracks open and sips on a pop.
“Kookie?”
“Hmmm?” Jungkook is piling the used kleenex on the table.
“Did you listen to what else I said?”
Jungkook turns to him, serious again. “I did. And I already decided that it’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”
Jungkook can see Jimin struggle with his instinct to be indignant. But then he just sighs and pulls his knees up under his sweater so he looks like the world’s smallest, teariest, most adorable tent.
“That's what my appa said. He said that I was holding myself to the wrong standard. That it was true that that was my role when you were younger, that being a good hyung was the most important thing. But that we were both adults now. And that I was doing us both no good staying hung up on that. That I had to let you make your own decisions. That I was taking away your agency and mine.”
Jimin gulps in a big breath, staring at where his toes would be, even though he can’t see them through the hem of his sweater. “And so I’m here, telling you the truth for the first time. So you can decide. Because I know what I want, finally. I want you, Jeon Jungkook. If you’ll have me. I want a future with you, the whole future. I want to conquer the world with you. I want to march into Bang PD’s office tomorrow and demand a plan for our protection as a couple. And one day I want us to be the baddest-ass, most-talented, hottest power couple in Korea, in the world! Because the one thing I’m sure of is that I love you more than anything. And you deserve everything you want, if that still includes me, if you’ll take me back.”
Jungkook’s heart soars, it soars. He reaches forward and gently pulls Jimin’s gaze to him with his fingers under his jaw.
“That was the most romantic thing that anyone has ever said, and I can’t believe you said it to your own feet.”
Jimin squawks and hits him with a sweater paw, right in the face. “Yah, that’s how you respond? I worked hard on that! I practiced all night! I sent it to Taehyung! There were revisions!”
And Jungkook is laughing and crying at the same time again. He grabs Jimin in his arms and he kisses him, he finally kisses him again, and it’s like coming home. He pulls back and looks into Jimin’s eyes. “You stupid, stupid boy. My answer is yes, of course it’s yes. I want all that and more. I will always want you.”
Jimin looks unsure. “Even after everything I did? Everything I put you through?”
“Hyung, it sounds like you put yourself through just as bad, worse even, and I’ve been no saint. I made lots of assumptions I should never have made. I will forgive you everything in an instant if you promise me one thing.”
Jimin’s eyes go round as a newborn kitten’s. “What? Anything, I’ll do anything.”
“You have to forgive yourself. No beating yourself up, remember?”
Jimin lets out another little sob, but it sounds like acceptance, it sounds like love.
“Ok, ok, I can do that, I think. Will you be patient with me?”
“Hyung, I think we’ve proven that I will always wait for you.”
“No, not waiting for me, never again. Waiting with me, by my side.”
“By your side. Deal.” And he smiles so big, scrunches his nose, and Jimin eyes fold into crescent moons. “Wait,” he says, “One more condition.”
Jimin’s smile falls slightly. “Yes?”
“You have to call me bun. Not all the time, but sometimes. When you feel the most love for me.”
Jimin’s eyes soften and he kisses him on the nose. “Well then, let me get a good start. I love you, my bestest bun, the love of my life, my everything.”
Jungkook feels floaty and tingly, and he surges forward, capturing Jimn’s lips. They kiss, and they kiss, and they kiss, both riding the high of their reunion, finally and truly understanding each other.
----------------------
Hours later, they wake together on the couch. They had kissed until their lips were sore, until they had to pull away, Jungkook resting his head on Jimin’s chest, Jimn’s head cushioned by the large expanse of his hood. They had fallen asleep and awoke to the light leaking from the sky.
Jungkook lifts his head and looks down at Jimin, face glowing in the little bit of sunset making its way through his windows. He’s just so beautiful, his features delicate, his eyes blinking up at him slowly.
“Hi, bun,” Jimin whispers.
“Hey,” Jungkook says playfully. “Don’t wear it out.”
“Excuse me. You said to say it when I feel the most love for you. I didn’t make the rules.”
Jungkook blushes and he can’t believe he started this morning thinking Park Jimin didn’t love him, and now they are bickering about how much he does. Jungkook’s train of thought is interrupted by a loud grumble. Jimin’s stomach.
Jimin covers his face with his hands. “Oh my god, why is my body choosing today to make the most embarrassing sounds?”
Jungkook laughs, hopelessly endeared. “It’s cute, hyung. Are you hungry?”
“Yes, I was so nervous I could barely eat today.”
“Well, lucky for you, the Jimin kit I picked up at the store includes dumplings. Let’s eat.”
They do, sitting at the kitchen island. Jimin swings his feet, cheeks stuffed full with food, laughing at the impressions Jungkook is making of PDogg when he gets grumpy, and Slow Rabbit when he gets excited, and how eerily similar they are. They laugh, and they eat, and Jungkook leaves briefly to put the garbage down the shute. When he gets back, Jimin isn’t in the living room or the kitchen. He follows a shaft of soft light down to his bedroom.
Jimin is sitting on his bed, legs bent at the knees, and arms wrapped around his torso.
Jungkook pauses in the doorway, drinking in the sight. “One more question for you, hyung.”
Jimin nods seriously. “Ask away.”
“That night in London. Was that just because of all that stuff you were struggling with? Or was that something else, too? Just your … preferences?”
Jimin reaches out and makes grabby motions with his hands. Jungkook can’t believe how much he missed that sight. He goes to him quickly and they lie down together. Here they are again, side by side and pressed up together in a bed. But not in a hotel room this time. And not both stuck behind their own misunderstandings.
“It was partly because of what I said that night, because we had been drinking a bit, because I do think it’s a big step for someone who has never done it before. But you’re right, it might have happened if not for all that mess inside my head. I’m so sorry if I made you feel like what you wanted wasn’t right or anything like that. But we probably should talk about anything new, up front and clear.”
Jungkook looks up at Jimin then, who has been carding his fingers through his hair. “So you think … you might … want me that way?”
Jimin lifts his head up with three fingers under his chin and kisses him deeply, mind-numbingly deeply, tingles-in-every-part-of-his-body deeply. Jimin breaks the kiss, panting slightly. “Yes, I want you that way. Badly. Do you, still?”
“Yes. Please. Want you to take me.” And their faces pull together, like gravity. Jimin kisses him again, immediately parting his lips with his tongue, delving deeply to taste every inch of him.
They pull back for air occasionally. Jimin nips his lips down Jungkook’s throat, causing him to whine softly. “Missed you so much, hyung, missed this so much.”
“God, Kookie, It nearly killed me being near you every day and not able to touch you, to kiss you. Fuck, I missed your body.” He says this as he pulls Jungkook’s shirt over his head and he spreads his hands across his chest. “Did you get hotter?” Jimin licks down one pec to circle Jungkook’s nipple with his tongue.
Jungkook huffs, feeling overwhelmed already and so desperate. “I don’t think so, hyung, although I did work out a lot trying to forget about you.”
Jimin bites his nipple briefly, causing a pang of pleasure and pain to shoot straight to Jungkook’s cock. “That’s for thinking you could forget me.”
Jungkook laughs. “Never, I could never.”
Jimin straddles him then, and really soaks in the sight of Jungkook beneath him. He runs his hands down both arms, one littered with tattoos, the other untouched skin. “God, these tattoos.” He traces one hand through Jungkook’s long hair, pulling slightly. “Your hair. You did get hotter. You are the most gorgeous man to walk this earth and you’re mine, all mine.”
Jungkook’s cock pulses at those words and he gasps out in return, “All yours.” Nothing is lost on Jimin and he restarts his exploration of Jungkook’s torso, claiming each part of him as he kisses and licks. His chest, “mine,” his biceps, “mine,” each tattoo, “mine,” down to his stomach. “All six of these abs, they’re mine too.”
Jungkook laughs, “And when I get old and they disappear?”
Jimin pins him with his eyes, looking so intense that Jungkook draws in a deep breath. “Then your soft honey stomach will be mine.” He grips his chin hard with one hand. “If you think I’m just in this for your youth, Jeon Jungkook, you are wrong. We’ll be old together one day, still griping to each other about cleaning the dishes and taking out the garbage. When we’re too old to fuck, you’ll hold me in your arms and kiss me for as long as I want.”
Jungkook knocks his arm away and grabs him then, pulling him down for a bruising kiss. “We’re never going to be too old to fuck. I could fuck you every day until we’re one hundred and never get tired of it.”
Jimin bites down on his bottom lip and then whispers against them, “Then let’s get started on day one, shall we?”
Jimin moves down his body and swiftly pulls off the rest of his clothes until Jungkook is naked below him. He places a wet kiss on one of his inner thighs, lifting and wrapping his leg over his shoulder.
Jungkook realizes what's about to happen and his arms shoot up to grab onto the pillow above him, desperate for anything to make him feel grounded. Jimin pushes his other leg so that his knee hits his chest. “Hold this,” he says. Jungkook grabs his leg with one arm, the other staying wrapped around the pillow.
He needs the grip, he realises, as in the next moment Jimin is licking and sucking at his hole. Jungkook moans loudly, overcome already by the sensation. Jimin quickly picks up his pace, delving his tongue in deeper.
“Fuck, god, Jimin, oh god, yes, please.”
Jimin keeps up his pace, steadily opening Jungkook up with his tongue. He pauses briefly to get Jungkook to reach into the bedside table and grab the bottle of lube he knows he keeps there. Jungkook is shaking as he passes it down to Jimin.
Jimin pauses once he has it, and rubs Jungkook's leg reassuringly where it still hangs over his shoulder. “Are you sure, Kookie? It’s ok if you want to wait.”
Jungkook hates that idea. “No, no waiting, remember? I want this. I want you inside me.”
“God, fuck, yes, ok.” Jimin is just as eager as he is. Jimin reaches up and runs his fingers up Jungkook’s cock, heavy and full, laying on his stomach and leaking.
He then focuses again, warming some lub between his fingers. “Just try to relax into it. I’ll go slow. And you have to talk to me, tell me when you’re ready for more. Or if you want to stop.”
And Jimin guides him through it step by step, inch by inch, and Jungkook is so glad that he never did this with anyone else, that Jimin is his first and only. He is soft and gentle in all the right ways, but he doesn’t treat Jungkook like he’ll break. As soon as the strangeness and slight burn turns to pleasure, he goes harder, pushing Jungkook to take more and feel how good it can be to be stretched.
Soon Jimin has three fingers inside of him and Jungkook is getting eager for more, fucking down onto his fingers as much as he can with zero levredge. Jimin stills him by placing his other hand on his stomach, and then he curls his fingers, searching for a moment or two, and then sinking his teeth into Jungkook’s thigh at the same time as he finds that spot deep within him.
Jungkook cries out, voice cracking somewhat embarrassingly, but he couldn't care less in that moment. He lifts his head to look down. “Holy shit, hyung, is that what you feel when I fuck you?
Jimin laughs, backing off for a moment. “Well, I’ve heard it feels different for everyone. But yeah, baby, that’s how good you make me feel. It’s even better on your cock. Want to find out?”
Jungkook nods so hard he thinks his head might fall off his neck. Jimin laughs in delight and he pulls his fingers out. Jungkook realises that Jimin is still fully clothed and he quickly flips him onto this back to remedy the situation. He pulls down his leggings first and throws them across the room. He slowly drags his hands up from his calves to his thighs, partly covered by the ridiculously large sweater. Jimin is laying back, enjoying the attention.
Jungkook reaches up underneath the sweater and slowly drags Jimin’s underwear down and off. Then he kisses his hyung silly, enjoying the feeling of his soft legs and the sweater against his skin, as he explores every inch of him with his hands.
Jimin pulls back, gasping. “Thought we were supposed to be focusing on you.”
“I can’t resist you in this sweater, hyung.”
Jimin raises his eyebrows. “Noted, filed away for another day. But today, let’s get the focus back where it belongs.” He reaches down and takes the sweater off in one fell swoop, dropping it beside the bed.
Jungkook takes in his body, delicate yet strong, lithe and soft. “Not helping with the focus.”
“Well, we can’t have that. Can’t have all my careful work going to waste. On your stomach, bun.”
Jungkook complies immediately, but then says, “Hey! Overuse!”
Jimin is already straddling his thighs, hands running across his back playfully. “You have no idea how much love I’m feeling right now. Especially for this.” He drags his hands down to Jungkook’s ass, kneading the muscle.
He scooches back suddenly and his mouth is on Jungkook again, along with his fingers, and in an embarrassingly short amount of time, he has Jungkook whining, begging to get inside him already.
Jimin stretches out on top of him so that Jungkook can feel his cock teasing at his ass, slipping between his cheeks and almost catching at his rim. Jimin places a kiss to the back of Jungkook’s neck. “Do you want me to fuck you now, bun?” Jungkook shivers with his whole body. He’s doing it to tortue him, but it’s also one last out. God, he loves this man.
“Yes, please, fuck me.”
Jimin licks at his earlobe playfully. “So polite. Because you asked nicely,” he teases.
Jimin positions himself at Jungkook’s entrance. Just before he pushes in, he says again, an echo of earlier. “I’ll go slow. Try to relax and tell me if I’m hurting you.”
Jungkook nods, knowing Jimin will be watching his body language closely. And then he feels his cock pushing in and he mouths at the pillow beneath him, trying not to cry out in case Jimin interprets it as pain. It does burn a little, the stretch. But more so Jungkook is overwhelmed with it being Jimin, Jimin’s cock inside of him.
Jimn’s voice reaches him, and Jungkook realises that he’s just as affected. “Ah, fuck, Jungkook, are you ok?”
Jungkook nods again and then finds his voice. “Yes, yes, hyung, keep going, please”
Jimin pushes in deeper, slowly, so slowly, and Jungkook can’t help crying out. Each time Jimin checks on him, and each time, Jungkook begs for more.
Finally, Jimin bottoms out, and he spreads his body over Jungkook’s, kissing at his neck, his shoulders, his back, until Jungkook’s body relaxes around him and he asks him to please move.
Jimin pulls most of the way out and sinks back into Jungkook. He lets out a groan that Jungkook has never heard from him before. “Oh god, Jungkook, you feel so good, so tight, so good for me.”
Jungkook turns his head as much as he can. “Good? I’m good?”
“So good, baby, the best for me.” Jimin punctuates his words with faster thrusts, his voice starting to betray how lost he’s getting in Jungkook’s body.
Soon he’s fucking into him fast and deep, both boys moaning with abandon. Eventually, Jimin slows and changes his angle a few times, trying to find the spot that will demonstrate his point from earlier. He hits it after a few tries, and Jungkook fists the pillow desperately, feeling like fireworks are going off in his brain. Suddenly the pressure on his cock beneath him on the bed is too much.
“Jimin!”
Jimin immediately stills. “Yeah, baby? Too much? Too sensitive?
“No, no, not that, it’s so good.” His words are slurring slightly. “Need, want to see you.”
Jimin pulls out quickly and helps Jungkook flip over. They kiss deeply for a moment until Jungkook whines impatiently, and then Jimin sinks back into Jungkook all in one smooth go, his body now stretched enough to accommodate him easily. Jungkook likes this even better, likes seeing Jimin above him, his body working as he hits that spot in him again and again.
Jimin touches him everywhere, running his hands over his pecs and his stomach, playing at his nipples and then gripping his biceps, his thighs.
“God Jungkook, you’re so beautiful, you're so good.”
Jungkook’s head is lolling helplessly on the pillow, unable to do anything but take what Jimin gives him. He can feel his orgasm approaching, and he knows it’s going to hit him like a freight train.
Jungkook cries out. “I’m close, so close, hyung, so close.”
Jimin’s face is set in intense concentration. “You want to come just from this, baby, or do you want me to touch you?”
Jungkook closes his eyes. “I don’t know, don’t know if I can, hyung.”
Jimin senses his slight distress. “That’s ok, that’s ok, if you can’t. Want hyung to decide what’s best?”
Jungkook nods eagerly. “Yes, hyung knows me best, ah! Please, want to come.”
Jimin presses their bodies tighter together, switching his strokes from short and intense to longer, slower, but even deeper movements, and suddenly Jungkook is bucking against him, feeling like he’s already coming but not. Jimin quickly grabs hold of his cock, squeezing gently at the base and then stroking him quickly, using his pre-come to ease the slide, and Jungkook is coming, an orgasm that originates deep within him and spreads through his body, obliterating everything in its path with white hot pleasure. He thinks he’s yelling out Jimin’s name, but he couldn’t swear on it.
He comes down finally and refocuses his eyes, sees his own release spread across his stomach. Jimin is resting his head on one side of his chest, panting desperately.
“Did you come?” Jungkook squeaks out, totally overwhelmed and uncertain.
Jimin looks up at him. “Holy fuck, baby, are you kidding? I came so hard I think I saw god.”
“Oh.” Jungkook says, eyes wide. “I think I might have blacked out a bit, I missed it.”
Jimin laughs then, a bright clear sound that fills up Jungkook’s heart to the brim. He lifts himself up a bit on shaking arms and kisses him. “You’re lucky I didn’t come as soon as I got inside you. You’re a dream, Jeon Jungkook. Don’t worry. I’ll make sure you don’t miss it next time.”
“Next time.” Jungkook says dreamily, already planning it in his mind. His brow scrunches adorably. “I still want to fuck you too, though.”
Jimn laughs again. “Shut up. As if I would ever let you stop fucking me.” He kisses him again then, and they laugh and talk for a bit, stuck together by sweat and other things. Eventually, Jimin shifts and suggests a shower.
As Jimin pulls out, Jungkook can feel his release dripping slowly out, and he gasps. “Oh,” he says, “That’s new.”
Jimin pulls him up by his arms, helping him to his feet. “I’m sorry I can’t carry you to the bathroom, bun, I would if I could.”
“Overuse.” Jungkook grins as they make their way together.
------------------------------
They shower and sneak to the kitchen for more food, before making their way back to the bed. It’s only 8pm but they doze on and off, waking each other up periodically for kisses and pillow talk.
Jungkook hears Jimn’s phone, hidden in the pocket of his hoodie on the floor, go off a few times. Jungkook raises one eyebrow. “Plans somewhere?”
Jimin laughs. “No, no. I’m sure it’s Tae. He’s probably dying to know how the speech went over.”
“Hmmph, well you can tell him it was a little dramatic, and spoken in the general direction of some toes, but otherwise successful.”
Jimin pinches his side. “Dramatic, huh?”
Jungkook nuzzles his nose into his neck. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
They both burst out laughing as Jimn’s phone explodes with several more texts. Jimin coos sympathetically. “Poor Tae, he must be getting frustrated.”
Jungkook gets an idea. “Here,” he says, as he grabs his phone off the bed side table.
He navigates to the Bangtan group chat and types out a message. He shows what he has typed to Jimin, checking that it’s ok. Jimin’s face spreads into his biggest smile, eyes disappearing behind his cheeks.
“Send?” asks Jungkook.
“Send.”
Soekjinnie and the Six Babies
Big Hit Jungkook
He loves me
Big Hit Taehyung
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Seokjinnie
Duh
Big Hit Min Yoongi
Ditto on the duh
Big Hit Jung Hoseok
Pics or it didn’t happen
Big Hit Kim Namjoon
Hobi no!!!! DO NOT send naked selfies in this group chat DO NOT
Big Hit Taehyung
PARK JIMIN this better not be the only communication I get tonight, I deserve my own separate debrief on how it went with all the details, I carried that speech writing!
Big Hit Jungkook
Sorry hyung, Jimin’s busy (woozy face emoji)
Big Hit Min Yoongi
What did I say about that thing Jungkook?
Big Hit Kim Namjoon
NOPE STOP
Happy for you guys. See you tomorrow. Taehyung, let it go.
Big Hit Taehyung
FINE. But only because he’s gonna tell me everything later.
Bighit Jungkook
Love you hyungs. Sorry for everything. And thank you.
Big Hit Min Yoongi
Hobi’s crying
Big Hit Jung Hoseok
AM NOT YOU SNITCH
Seokjinnie
Are we still talking about this? Logging off, WWH needs his beauty sleep. In case you don’t remember we have just a small show this weekend. You know, the one in front of seventy thousand people. No big deal.
Also I’m proud of you both but this message will self destruct in ten seconds
Big Hit Jungkook
<3 Night hyungs
Jungkook drifts off to sleep that night in the arms of the man who loves him, feeling truly secure for the first time in almost a year. Secure in the love of all of his hyungs, and in the knowledge that the future ahead of him is brighter than it was yesterday. His future spreads out in front of him, endlessly varied, his for the taking. And he can walk the paths he needs to now, knowing that he won’t walk them alone.
Notes:
Our perfect, sweet boys are happy, finally! I hope the emotional journey was a good one. I would love to talk with you. Did you figure out what Jimin was struggling with? Oh also, sweet and sexy epilogue next!
And yes, Jin has their group chat named "Seokjinnie and the Six babies" on his phone.
Chapter 8: Epilogue
Notes:
So this epilogue almost didn't happen. I didn't have anything written referencing Jimin's birthday until I re-watched the Riyadh concert last weekend and finally clued in (duh) that Jimin's birthday would have to happen between the concert and them getting back together. So I wrote in the line about Jungkook hiding his present. Then I started to think about what super-romantic Jungkook would have gotten him for his first birthday as his boyfriend and then suddenly I had to write this! So just some super-corny fluff and some smut with no purpose for you!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Jungkook forgets all about the present he got Jimin, buried deep in his closet, until three weeks later. The days after their reunion are a blur in his memory now. They were intensely busy leading up to the finale of their tour in Seoul, so they didn’t get much time alone, but Jungkook felt like he was flying every moment. The doubt that plagued him was gone, and he simply let himself feel how incredible it is to know, finally, that his love is returned.
The shows themselves are incredible and Jungkook is incandescently happy during them. In the weeks after the Seoul concerts, they are deep into learning choreo for their end of year shows. They are always busy at end of year, but they’re also travelling less, so Jimin and Jungkook take advantage of the time in Seoul and spend every spare minute they have at Jungkook’s apartment.
They talk for hours. They order delivery and eat naked in bed, or snuggled up in blankets in front of rom coms on the tv. Jungkook finally figures out how to work his gas fireplace and one night Jimin makes them both hot chocolate with extra marshmallows, giggling when Jungkook gets a sticky milk mustache. Jimin has been so attentive the last few weeks, and Jungkook knows it is partly because he feels guilty, so he does his best to reassure him that all is forgiven, that he wants to focus on the future, not the past.
He remembers the boxes one night when they are tangled up on his couch, bodies intertwined, but both engrossed in their phones. Takeout containers litter the coffee table and an empty bottle of soju rests on the floor next to Jimin’s outstretched arm. Jungkook is running his fingers gently up and down his forearm, feeling the soft skin as he reads an article about how to pan fry an egg in oil. He wants to try something special for breakfast tomorrow. Jimin lets out a pleased sound, kitten-like, as Jungkook tickles his skin.
Jungkook smiles softly as he continues to read. As he scrolls, he gets an ad for Cartier rings and he suddenly remembers vividly why: Jimin’s present, a set of beautiful silver rings, enough to adorn both hands heavily, the way he likes. Jungkook actually gasps when he remembers.
Jimin looks up sharply from his phone, a small smile already on his face. “Kookie? Something shocking about that egg recipe?”
Jungkook thinks about trying to cover it up. He could think of a more elaborate way to give the gift to Jimin. But he’s already excited now that he’s remembered and he doesn’t want to wait.
“Hyung! I just remembered! Your birthday present, it’s been in my closet this whole time. Shall I get it?”
Jimin sits up and spins so he’s facing Jungkook. He looks delighted. “Yes! Wait … why didn’t you give it to me on my birthday?”
Jungkook answers without thinking. “I wasn’t going to give it to you then, it was too …” He stops, realising that what he’s going to say next might not help with the “help Jimin stop feeling guilty” mission he’s been on.
Jimin’s smile falls slightly. “Too what?”
Jungkook sighs. They have also been talking a lot about being more honest with each other, not avoiding hard topics, and sharing as much as possible. So in that spirit, he decides to be totally honest.
“It was too … romantic. I guess. I was going to get you something more friend-like.”
Jimin’s face falls and Jungkook can feel him beating himself up from a few feet away. “Oh, bun. I’m so sorry.”
Jungkook reaches forward and grabs both of Jimin’s hands. “Hey, hyung, I’m not sad about it. I was, but I’m not any more. I’m so happy I get to give it to you now! Will you be excited with me?” He drags Jimin’s hands to his lips so he can place several kisses along his knuckles. “Let me be the romantic fool I want to be?”
Jimin giggles and Jungkook feels proud for knocking him out of a possible funk.
“Ok, bun, I’m excited! You know how much I love presents!”
Jungkook thinks for a second. “Ok! Wait here, give me a few minutes.”
He jumps up and speeds off to the bedroom. He tidies the bed and digs the bags out of his closet, so excited for Jimin to see them. He knows how much Jimin loves a sense of occasion, especially on his birthday, so Jungkook had gotten the store to wrap up every single ring in its own separate box before shipping them to Seoul via a specially insured carrier. There are twenty of them, and he piles them up in the middle of the bed, arranging them carefully to form a heart. He knows he’s being extra cheesy, but he doesn't care.
Jungkook steps back and surveys his work, deciding it’s good enough, and he darts back out to the living room. Jimin is waiting with barely contained glee on the couch, leaning against the back with his arms hanging over it like a kid.
“What were you doing in there? You know I have no patience when there’s presents involved.”
Jungkook stops in front of him and kisses his nose over the back of the couch. “You’ll see.”
He leads Jimin to the bedroom, and then gets behind him, covering his eyes with his hands.
“Really, Kookie?”
Jungkook laughs. “Yes, hyung. Romantic fool, remember?”
He steers Jimin into the room, stopping him once they’re in front of the bed, perfectly set up to see the heart shaped group of boxes.
“Alright, hyung,” Jungkook whispers. He takes his hands off his eyes. “Open your eyes.” He steps to the side so he can watch Jimin’s reaction.
Jungkook watches him open his eyes and take in the sight before him. His face breaks into his widest smile as he takes in the configuration of the little boxes. Jungkook also sees the moment he clocks where the boxes are from. His mouth falls into a little “o” and his eyes go wide.
“Jeon Jungkook. Tell me some of these are free gift-with purchases because those can not all be Cartier ring boxes.” His voice is an incredulous whisper.
Jungkook feels giddy. “Open them and see, hyung.”
Jimin is practically vibrating in excitement as he settles on the bed, sitting carefully so he doesn’t ruin Jungkook’s work. Jungkook sits on the edge of the mattress too, so he can watch.
Jimin plucks the first little box from the bedspread and he slowly opens the packaging, oohing and aahing over the details, and being very careful not to rip or dent any of the material. He finally gets to the dainty ring box nestled inside. Jungkook feels an intense wave of joy as he gets to watch Jimin’s face light up when he sees the small silver ring gently laid inside.
“Oh, Kookie. It’s beautiful. Can I?”
“Of course, it’s yours!”
Jimin quickly lifts it out and slides it down one of his fingers, turning it this way and that. His eyes are sparkling. “Oh my god, I love it so much. It fits perfectly”
Jungkook blushes, feeling so pleased. “Of course it does, hyung, I gave them all your finger sizes. They even had some custom made.”
Jimin finally tears his eyes away from the shiny bauble on his finger. “Shut up, Jeon Jungkook. These are not actually all rings.” Jungkook seems him quickly counting. “You did not get me twenty Cartier rings!?”
Jungkook giggles. “You’ll have to open them and see. And you might want to move a little faster, hyung, or we’ll be here all night.”
Jimin actually looks like he might scold him. Jungkook sees him decide to give into his child-like joy instead and he starts opening the boxes on the bed one by one. He exclaims over every one as he opens them, voice getting higher as he continues. He seems equally surprised each time to find another ring inside, as if he still expects some kind of prank.
Jungkook could not feel more joy as he gets to pamper and spoil his love. Jimin has stopped putting every ring on his fingers, only choosing three or four to try on right away. Jungkook makes note of the ones he seems to love the most, filing the information away for later.
Finally, Jimin opens the last box, slipping this particular ring on his thumb. He’s sitting in the middle of a whole pile of packaging and boxes, looking like some kind of present fairy who has had the tables turned on themselves.
He looks a little dazed as he looks up at Jungkook, and he breathes out, “You actually got me twenty cartier rings.”
Jungkook shakes his head. “Nope.”
Jimin tilts his head like a puppy. “Twenty. I counted.”
Jungkook reaches into his pocket and takes out the last box. “Twenty one,” he says, as he places it in Jimin’s hands.
Jimin looks up sharply at him. Jungkook says nothing.
Jimin carefully opens this last box, hands glinting. Inside, Jungkook knows, is the most elaborate ring. The others are very delicate, thin, so they can be combined and lay against each other on Jimin’s fingers. This one has a thicker band. Thick enough for an engraving.
Jimin is quiet as he opens it. Jungkook watches as he lifts the ring from it’s velvet perch.
“Look at the inside, hyung.” Jungkook feels a swoop of nervousness. He also realises what a lovesick fool he truly was, to plan this gift all those months ago, when they were still in the first blush of their relationship. He gives a little internal shrug. He can’t change who he is.
Jimin is reading the engraving silently. He rotates the ring slowly as he reads it a few times. “The best is yet to come. Yours, Jungkook,” he whispers as he reads it aloud. Jimin looks up at Jungkook then, eyes glistening with a few unshed tears.
“Happy birthday, hyung,” Jungkook whispers back, feeling himself get emotional at the sight of Jimin’s tears.
Jimin gives a little huff and then he’s flinging himself forward so that Jungkook has to practically catch him. Packaging and ribbons go flying. Jimin hugs him tightly, squeezing so hard Jungkook thinks he may not be able to suck in his next breath, but then Jimin is letting go just as quickly so he can look back down at the ring in his hands.
“I love it so much, Kookie, it’s so beautiful. I’m already terrified of losing it.”
Jungkook laughs, delighted. “I’ll just buy you another one, if you do.”
Jimin sniffs, managing to blink back his tears. “I can’t believe how much you spent.”
“I got a deal.”
Jimin looks up, incredulous. “You got a deal,” he deadpans. “From Cartier.”
“Well, actually, no. The saleswoman in London saw me coming from a mile away, I think. But seriously, hyung, it’s nothing. I wanted to. It made me happy to.”
“Kookie, you realize what you’ve done, right?” He sounds very serious.
Jungkook is suddenly worried. Did he go too far? “What?”
Jimin gets a mischievous smile. “Well, you’ve given me no choice but to figure out a way to top this next year for your birthday. And I practically have a whole year to think of the perfect gift. You’re only going to have a month to figure out a way to top my gift for you,” he gloats.
Jungkook grins and pulls Jimin back into his arms, maneuvering him so that his back rests against Jungkook’s chest. He wraps his arms around him and starts playing with the rings on Jimin’s fingers as he admires them over his shoulder.
He takes the engraved ring from his grip and places it on one of his fingers, having memorized which one it would fit on. Jimin and him sit in silence for a few moments, admiring the way it looks. Eventually, Jimin intertwines their fingers and brings them up to his lips so he can place a few kisses on Junkook’s tattooed knuckles.
“You are a romantic fool,” He says fondly. “I can’t believe you bought these in London.”
Jungkook just hums, seeing nothing to deny.
Jimin turns a little in his arms so he can look up at him. “Thank you for loving me so much, especially back then, when I wasn’t ready to admit how much I loved you too.”
Jungkook nuzzles his nose against the soft spot just behind Jimin’s ear, feeling too emotional for words.
“How did you think of such a perfect gift?”
Jungkook clears his throat and blushes a bit. Jimin turns again to look at him when he stays quiet. “What? Why aren’t you saying?” He laughs when he sees Jungkook’s blush. “Tell me!”
“Ok, fine, but turn around. Don’t look at me when I say this.”
Jimin giggles but follows instructions. Jungkook starts playing with the rings on his fingers again.
“Well … I’ve always really liked the way your hands look when you wear so many rings, when you’re performing, you know? I may have … maybe paid more attention than I should have over the years.” Jungkook feels his cheeks heat up more.” He clears his throat again before continuing. “Once we got together, I really liked the idea of you wearing rings that were all from me. Just from me. So I maybe went a little overboard.”
Jimin doesn’t say anything at first, just letting Jungkook play with his hands while his breathing deepens. Then Jimin pulls one hand out of Jungkook’s grip and slides it down Jungkook’s thigh where it is beside his own.
“Hmmm,” he hums. “A very good reason.” He glances back at Jungkook, eyes dark. “Shall I try more on?”
Jungkook just nods, not trusting himself to say anything else.
Jimin slowly starts re-opening the ring boxes, placing some back on the duvet, carefully selecting more rings to place on his fingers. He takes his time, considering each one in turn and where to best place them.
The energy has shifted in the room, both boys silent as Jimin’s hands fill up with silver charms. Finally, seemingly satisfied with his choices, he holds both hands out in front of him, admiring the results. Jungkook tightens his arms around Jimin’s middle, pressing his mouth into his neck for a kiss. “Beautiful,” He whispers into his skin.
Jimin lowers his hands until he has one on each of Jungkook’s legs. He draws them slowly up and down and the silver glints in the soft light of the bedside lamp.
Jimin’s voice comes out like a purr. “Would you like to see them in action?”
“Hyung?” Jungkook isn’t sure what he means.
Jimin shifts slightly to look back at Jungkook, an assured look on his face.
“You said you liked the way they look when I was performing. So should I? Perform for you?”
Jungkook has no idea what he means but he doesn’t care. That look on Jimin’s face can only mean one thing, and although he can’t imagine what exactly Jimin has in mind, he knows it will be good, so he nods eagerly. “Ok,” he manages, feeling tongue tied.
Jimin turns in his arms and places both hands on his face. Jungkook gasps at the combination of hot skin and cold metal. Jimin leans forward and steals his exclamation with his lips, leading them into a deep and through kiss. He pulls away eventually, fully in control.
“My turn to tell you to close your eyes.” Jungkook gulps, but quickly closes his eyes, feeling his heart rate pick up in anticipation. He feels Jimin get off the bed. He grabs Jungkook’s hands and leads him off the bed and over a few shuffling feet, until he’s pushing him down into the chair he has nearby.
Jimin climbs into his lap, quickly saying, “Keep those eyes closed, bun.” Jungkook can practically feel the crackle of tension in the air.
Jimin places his lips back on Jungkook’s, slowly deepening the kiss. He is running his hands up and down Jungkook’s bare arms, exposed in his plain black t-shirt. He even drags them down to his legs, where the holes in his ripped jeans allow Jimin to rub the scintillating combination of metal and skin against his thighs. Jungkook gasps, feeling his cock harden already. Jimin notices too, and he spends a few moments grinding down into Jungkook’s lap, getting him worked up very quickly.
Jimin stills and places a single kiss on Jungkook’s nose, before saying, “Remember, eyes closed until I say.” Then he’s standing up, leaving Jungkook suddenly alone and a little cold in his chair.
He keeps his eyes closed as instructed but lets out an impatient noise. “Hyung?”
“Just wait, bunny boy. It’ll be worth it, I promise.” His voice is further away, by the bed.
Jungkook wipes his slightly sweaty palms on his jeans but stays put, trying to be patient. He thinks he hears the sound of Jimin clearing the detritus of the presents off the bed. Then, he hears what he thinks is Jimin removing his clothes, the soft rumple of something hitting the floor, the distinctive sound of a zipper being opened. He finds it very hard not to sneak a peak then, but he keeps his eyes shut. He digs his nails a little into his leg and that helps.
He hears the drawer of his bedside table open and he feels his cock pulse, knowing what he keeps there. He has to bite his lip when he hears the clear sound of the bottle’s cap being bent back, and then a few indistinct wet sounds. Just when he thinks he can’t stand it anymore, that he’s just going to have to deal with the consequences, he hears Jimin speak.
His voice is low, coloured dark with arousal. “Ok, bun, open those beautiful eyes of yours.”
Jungkook moans as soon he opens his eyes, his body catching up to what is happening so much faster than his brain. Jimin is sitting up against the headboard of his bed, legs splayed out, stark naked. His hair is pushed back from his face, lips open slackly and tongue stuck in the corner of his mouth. Jungkook’s eyes track downward and he sees what has Jimin looking so flush. His hands, still adorned in Jungkook’s cartier rings, are both occupied. One is wrapped around his cock, hard and flushed pink. The other is playing lower, brushing against his hole softly.
“Fuck, hyung.” Jungkook’s hands grip the armrests of the chair, his body already rising to go join him on the bed.
“No,” Jimin cries breathlessly. “You stay there. You like to watch, you said, maybe more than you should have? Well, now, you’re going to watch.” As he says this, he starts pumping his hand up and down his cock, the lube making the slide easier, the wet sound shooting straight to Jungkook’s own erection.
Jungkook whimpers, caught up in the sweet torture. He settles back in the chair, however, willing to follow wherever Jimin is leading. His hands, almost of their own volition, steal down to his own hard length, now straining against his jeans.
Jimin squints his eyes and says, “Who said you’re allowed to do that?” Jungkook’s hands immediately still. Jimin continues, “I said you could watch. So watch. Because I want you hard when I’m done here.”
Another whimper escapes Jungkook’s lips but he returns his hands to the armrests, gripping tight.
Jimin continues to stroke himself with one hand, two fingers of his other hand gently circling his hole. His head falls back onto the headboard, but he keeps his eyes on Jungkook, looking down his nose at him, watching as Jungkook’s chest rises and falls as he struggles to stay still.
“Should I tell you how this feels?”
“Yes, please,” Jungkook begs, desperate for more stimulation, even while he knows any more sensory input beyond watching his hyung pleasuring himself will just be further agony.
Jimin allows his eyes to slip closed as he continues his ministrations. “It feels so good. Your rings, they’re just a little cold, and they feel so good, ahhh, on my cock.”
He opens his eyes and tilts his head downward so he can pin Jungkook with his laser stare, his chest now fully flush, his cock pink and leaking, adding to the wet slide.
“How does it look, my love? How do you like seeing your rings on my fingers now?”
Jungkook grips the chair tighter, fighting the urge to move his hips. “So good. They look so good. God, hyung, you’re so beautiful, so fucking beautiful.”
Jimin’s hand speeds up and Jungkook knows why. He knows what his hyung likes to hear. So he keeps talking.
“Fuck, Jimin, you’re so gorgous like this, so amazing. Are you going to come? Are you going to get cum all over my rings? Will you clean them up?”
Jimin eyes are now tightly shut as he listens to Jungkook talk, no longer the one in control, not really. The muscles in his thighs are tightening now, Jungkook can see the signs that he’s close as his hand picks up speed even more. He can hear the slight tinkling of metal against metal.
Jimin cries out, now completely in the throes of his pleasure. “Ah, fuck, Jungkook, will you fuck me, will you fuck me next?”
Jungkook leans forward, not wanting to miss a single second. “Yes, but only after you come, baby. Come really good and I’ll come over there and open you up.”
Jimin whimpers and then gasps, hips now stuttering up into his fist as he comes, his release dripping out in slow ropes, down his shaft and over his fingers, smearing the beautiful sliver.
Jungkook stays put, feeling like a barely contained force, as Jimin’s hips eventually still and his breathing gentles. He swings his neck forward and opens his eyes, staring over at Jungkook where he is still seated. Both boys say nothing.
Jungkook stands up, raising an eyebrow, daring Jimin to say anything. He doesn’t.
Jungkook stays where he is, but he reaches down to tug at his hem, pulling his shirt up and off his body in one smooth go. He keeps eye contact with Jimin as he unbuttons his jeans. He hooks his thumbs under his jeans and briefs and leans down as he pulls them both off. He straightens and steps out of his clothes. He doesn’t look down but he knows his cock is rock hard. He sees Jimin look, though, licking his lips quickly, his chest starting to raise and fall faster again. His eyes flick back up to Jungkook’s, and then Jungkook is striding forward.
At first, Jungkook thinks it will be hard and fast. He feels like a tightly wound spring after that show. But when he joins Jimin on the bed, he knows he’ll be a little sensitive from already having come, so he takes it slow, simply placing gentle kisses up and down his body, teasing and licking, gentle bites and slow caresses as he waits for Jimin’s desire to stoke back up.
Jungkook isn’t sure how long he does this, but eventually Jimin is hard again, his soft sighs filling Jungkook’s ears and suddenly, Jungkook doesn’t want the sharp edge anymore. He wants softness, he wants slow love under silky sheets.
He kisses Jimin thoroughly but gently, tempering his want with a slow pace. Jimin is content to let Jungkook lead, looking up at him with soft eyes, lashes touching lightly to his cheeks with slow blinks. Jungkook gathers up lube and cum from Jimin’s stomach and uses it to slowly, oh so slowly, open him up with his fingers. He makes sure it takes much longer than it usually does, skirting around his prostate, not wanting to escalate things so quickly this time.
Jimin runs his hands up and down Jungkook’s back, letting his ring-adorned fingers lightly touch every part he can reach.
Finally, after what feels like hours, Jungkook places a pillow underneath Jimin’s hips, and shifts so that his cock, aching with how long he’s been hard, is lined up with Jimin’s entrance, his body poised above him. He sweeps his hands through Jimin’s hair, before letting them rest at the sides of Jimin’s neck.
Jimin lets his hands drop from Jungkook’s back until they are resting on either side of his own head, his fingers slack. Jungkook turns his head and presses a kiss, soft and featherlight, to his left palm. At the same time, he pushes forward with his hips, catching a bit at Jimin’s rim, but then sliding forward easily, Jimin more than stretched enough from the slow and thorough prep.
Jungkook bites down gently on Jimin’s palm as Jimin lets out a soft gasp. As he starts to slowly pump in and out, he turns his head and buries his nose in Jimin’s neck. He feels like he’s waited for this so long, ever since he saw Jimin place the first of the rings on his finger.
He makes love, slowly, steadily, pressing soft kisses to Jimin’s skin, breathing in his scent, and breathing out sweet nothings. It’s slow, almost torturously slow after such great anticipation, but Jungkook feels like he could do this for hours.
Jimin is slowly taking more initiative, his legs moving up to wrap around Jungkook’s waist, his heels pushing softly into his thighs as he encourages him. Jimin lifts his hands up and entangles them in Jungkook’s hair, no longer long, but long enough to grip gently as their bodies shift together on the mattress.
Jungkook lifts his face from Jimin’s neck and looks into his eyes, feeling closer to the edge. Jimin blinks back at him, cheeks pink and lips parted, soft hair spread on the sheets beneath him. Jungkook feels all the love in his heart flowing through him and he leans down to touch his forehead to Jimin’s, shutting his eyes as he continues to move above him, and whispering, “Jimin, I love you, I love you.”
“I love you too, baby. So much.”
Jungkook keeps thrusting up, feeling Jimin’s legs tightening around him, and he feels his own body finally relax as his orgasm hits him. “Ah, god, Jimin, you feel so good, ah god.” It’s long and drawn out and he just keeps moving, feeling like it’s never going to end, he’s going to keep coming forever. He feels Jimin’s hands reach down to his ass, forcing him to push deeper, and creating friction against Jimin’s cock, trapped in the tight space between their stomachs.
Jungkook finally feels his orgasm subside as Jimin’s seems to take hold. Jungkook has mostly stiled but Jimin is now pushing and pulling desperately with his hips, riding his slowly softening cock from below as his second orgasm spreads his release between them.
Jungkook collapses, exhausted, as he feels Jimin still beneath him. He feels sorry for Jimin, trapped beneath him, but he can’t bring himself to move a single muscle.
Jimin shifts slightly below him. “Sorry, hyung,” Jungkook manages. “I feel like I just did two concerts.”
Jimin laughs lightly, also sounding tired. “I’m not surprised. You just fucked me for an hour.”
“Huh?” Jungkook raises his head, the surprise finally giving him enough motivation to move. He looks at Jimin’s face, certain he’s exaggerating. Jimin just laughs again and nods his head toward the bedside table. Jungkook shifts and looks at the clock.
“Holy fuck, hyung. I just fucked you for like an hour.” He pulls up on his elbow, suddenly concerned. “Are you ok?”
Jimin scoffs. “Excuse me? Am I ok? Am I ok with getting fucked by the hottest man alive, the man I love, that just gifted me an insanely romantic gift, for hours at a time until I come so hard I see stars? Yeah, I’m ok with that.”
Jungkook laughs and then he uses his last vestiges of energy to shift off of Jimin’s body, resting his arm over his eyes as he tries to catch up to his body. He hears Jimin leave the bed and the water running in his en suite. He jerks awake to the feeling of a wet washcloth running over his stomach. He lifts his arm and feels a little embarrassed that he already fell asleep before he could even help clean up.
Jimin just laughs and bops him on the nose. “Sleep,” he says. “You deserve it.”
He’s asleep again before Jimin is back in the bathroom.
--------------------
He wakes the next morning and, for once, he cannot even imagine starting his day with a workout. He is sore all over, but especially in his arms and thighs. He groans a bit and rolls over, expecting to find Jimin asleep still beside him, always being the one to wake before his hyung on days without a schedule.
He finds himself looking up at Jimin, already dressed in comfy clothes, with the big chunky glasses that he only wears off schedule perched on his nose, sitting up against the headboard, with said nose stuck in a book. The smell of coffee is drifting up from a cup on the table next to Jimin.
“Hyung? What time is it?”
Jimin smirks, not looking up from his book. “It’s noon.”
“What!?” Jungkook sits up abruptly, turning to look at the clock in disbelief. It is noon. He can’t believe it. He hasn’t slept that long in ages.
He rubs his face with his hands and groans. “Ohhh man, I can't believe I slept so long.”
Jimin scoffs. “I can,” He says. “Remember the part where you fucked me for an hour?”
Jungkook glares over at his hyung, still not looking up from his book. He’ll wipe that smug look off of his face.
Jungkook grabs the book out of his hands, Jimin letting out an indignant squawk. “Hey! It was just getting good!”
Jungkook tosses the book onto the chair and then turns back and places kisses all over Jimin’s face. “Don’t make me do it again!”
Jimin laughs, but pushes him away. “As if you could! You only lasted that long because my little show gave you sexual super powers! Hey, stop it! Morning breath!”
Jungkook laughs, but then he hops out of bed, suddenly feeling the need for a coffee and a shower. He ends up turning the special breakfast he had planned into brunch. Turns out they are both sore, as he discovers when Jimin goes to sit at the kitchen island to eat, stopping short and pouting angrily at the hard material of the stools. Jungkook laughs and suggests brunch on the couch.
As they eat, Jungkook notices that Jimin’s fingers are unadorned, except for one, wearing the engraved ring. He feels warm and deeply content.
Jimin clears the dishes, letting Jungkook rest after having cooked, and then they entangle themselves on the couch for the day, arguing over what movie to watch. Finally, they settle on an old favourite, and they doze off and on.
Jimin gets a call from Soekjin partway through the movie. He stands up to take it so he can pace back and forth, listening and replying quietly while Jungkook stretches and watches the movie, only catching a word here or there.
He hangs up eventually and plops back down onto the cough, entwining his legs with Jungkooks.
“Seokjin-hyung?” Jungkook asks.
“Yeah,” Jimin replies. “He needed some advice. About that new producer, the one he’s working with for his original. Seems they’re not quite seeing eye to eye.”
Jungkook hums and then, suddenly, something clicks into place. Something he had been wondering about, but hadn’t yet brought up with Jimin. Not because he was nervous to, but because they had been talking about other, bigger things that had gone down between them. He knows, too, that Jimin has been working further through some things with his therapist. He had been determined to make sure he had really worked through all the hang ups he had been dealing with on his own, and Jungkook has been so proud of him.
So they had talked a lot about where they both went wrong over the past six months, eager to learn from their mistakes. But he had never quite understood why Jimin had felt particularly worried about some of the huyngs knowing. Jimin is part of the maknae line after all, only two years older than Jungkook, but he clearly had been really worried that they would object to him being in a relationship with the younger boy.
Jungkook thinks about how his hyungs sometimes call him “the little one,” and how they’ve had similar terms of endearments for Taehyung, often identifying him as the baby of the group, someone to be doted on and loved. And they dote on Jimin too, in their own way. But more often the hyungs talk about Jimin as mature beyond his years, and they rely on him, for advice, for his emotional intelligence, to help lead the group through tough conversations. Hobi even often jokes that it feels like Jimin is the hyung.
Jungkook looks over at Jimin then, his face relaxed as he concentrates on the movie, lips soft and eyes drooping behind his big glasses. He thinks he understands his hyung even more now, and he feels again a pang for all of the heartache Jimin put himself through, worrying that he alone was responsible for whatever path this relationship took them both on.
He’s still sorry whenever he thinks about how much both he and Jimin had to suffer for him to realize that the heartache wasn’t needed, but he also feels thankful that he now understands so much more about what motivates his partner. He feels like they can move forward now, true equals. He reaches over and takes Jimin’s hand. Jimin looks over and smiles.
Jungkook runs his thumb over the ring on Jimin’s hand, and starts thinking about the next birthday present, imagining where they’ll be a year from now.
He can’t wait.
Notes:
Thank you again so much for reading, you have no idea how much it means to me. If you liked it, please leave some kudos and a comment. I would so much love to hear what you think!
Also come yell in all caps with me on twitter
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