Chapter Text
Legend tells of a corner of the harbor that has been forgotten by the mountain rocks and the sound of the crashing waves.
To reach that place one must stand in the sea breeze and close their eyes, walk forty-nine steps away from the clamor of the crowds, then wait till the sound of one's own heartbeat drowns out the voices in the background.
Upon opening one's eyes, one will find they have arrived at a little shop...
Childe wasn’t the one to believe in fruitless fairy tales. Such things were stories he learned to not give a second thought much too early on in his life after a fall into a deep and dark abyss. Fairy tales were something that belonged in one’s childhood; They were frail beliefs that were much too easily shattered.
But Childe also wasn’t the one to believe that the man he had spent almost every day with during his stay in Liyue was Rex Lapis. If Childe could be wrong about the identity of Rex Lapis, maybe he could also be wrong about fairy tales. At least that’s what he told himself as he found himself closing his eyes and counting the steps he took away from the sounds of hustle and bustle of the late afternoon crowd in Liyue Harbor.
What he was doing wasn’t rational, he knew that. But in the past few weeks, he found that many things were not rational in the world. If a god could fake his death and still walk among his people, if a traveler from worlds unknown could spare a moment to save a city that was probably a spec of dust to them compared to other worlds they had seen, then Childe could allow himself to do an action that was not reasonable.
Childe forced himself to quiet his thoughts before beginning to count his steps. Forty-nine steps, he had heard the storyteller say during lunchtime of the day before.
“One must take exactly forty-nine steps away from the crowds that occupy the harbor before stopping to repose in the sea breeze. Next they must listen to their own heartbeat until the sounds of the harbor fade into silence. Once all that remains is the sound of one’s heart, they may open their eyes to be greeted by the sight of a small shop. Much about this place is unknown but one thing is known for sure… almost anything one could wish for can be bought at this store.” Those had been the exact words that Childe had heard the day before as he had been walking to the Northland bank to oversee business for the day. Maybe if he had more time in the day or the patience, he would have stayed to listen to the rest. Even if he had only heard a short part of the story, he knew all he had to know.
It was stupid, Childe knew that. It was one thing to listen to tales and be entertained. That was fun . But it was another thing to take those tales as reality and attempt to recreate them. That was stupid . Yet Childe found that a part of him believed in the storyteller’s words. That if the stories that Zhongli told him when they used to relish in each other’s company were actually true, then almost anything else could be true.
Or maybe he really was just foolishly believing in the tales of a random man on the corner of the street. Zhongli had really rubbed off on Childe it had seemed. The harbinger couldn't figure out if that realization brought joy or sorrow to himself. Maybe it was both. Well, there was no use dwelling on it. Zhongli was… unimportant now. Just a bad memory in the back of Childe’s head that he wanted to smother out.
And that was exactly why the young man had found himself taking forty-nine steps away from the main part of the city and towards the water. Once he was done walking, he forced himself to focus on the rhythm of his heart, blocking out the noise of the crowd just as he wanted to block out the memory of Zhongli. Realistically, Childe would eventually open his eyes to still see the harbor, laugh at himself for being such an idiot, and then sheepishly walk home. In a perfect world though, Childe would eventually open his eyes to a quaint shop and walk in hoping for answers to his problem. Hoping for answers to forget about Zhongli. Hoping for ways to forget about the way the man made him feel passion that only battle could make him feel before, the way Childe could never sit still before but found himself wanting to sit down for a little longer during lunch to hear the rest of another story of Zhongli’s, or the way Zhongli simply brighten his day up. Hoping for ways to forget about the way his heart sunk when he realized Zhongli was the one he was sent after this whole time, the way he understood everything about their friendship was just a game to the god, or the way Zhongli paid Childe no mind when he revealed his gnosis in the Northland Bank a few weeks ago.
It was a small chance that the story of the shop was true, but what else was there to do? His heart yearned for the ex-archon even though it was broken by the same person. But there was no time for fickle desires of the heart in Childe’s line of work. He had to clear his head. He needed focus so he could get back to Snezhnaya and the Tsaritsa, not mope around Liyue in a constant turmoil of yearning and anger.
It was a small chance, Childe acknowledged to himself once again as the sounds of Liyue’s people drowned out to the sound of his heart. But he was willing to take it.
If Childe was a patient man, maybe he would have given his plan of following a fairytale a little more thought.
When Childe opened his eyes, the water of Liyue’s harbor did not greet him. Instead, a small building with frosted windows greeted him. It seemed like more and more unbelievable things just kept on happening to Childe the longer he stayed in Liyue. Who would’ve guessed that the store was real? Childe let out an amused whistle as he turned around to survey his surroundings. Behind him laid a seemingly endless path that led far into the moonlight. Now that was interesting. Before Childe had closed his eyes, it had been well into the afternoon, the sun shining high in the sky. But there at the entrance to the small store, the moon shone highly in the sky, a pale light against a starless void. Was that even the sky? Childe decided to tear his gaze away from the uncanny sight and focused his sights back on the shop. No use in keening in on unusual things too much. With the amount of crazy stuff that had happened recently, Childe would lose his sanity if he focused on it too much. Though he could only wonder what crazy thing would happen next. Would he learn that the sky was fake or something?
Childe had to let out a snicker at that thought as he approached the wooden door of the shop. Yeah right. For as much craziness that had happened in Liyue lately, the stars and sky being fake was still a little too ridiculous of an idea for him to ponder.
Once he got to the door, Childe turned the knob and pushed it open, the interior of an antique shop that looked both ancient and brand new greeting him. If Childe had any doubt left about the story before, it was quickly whisked away by the sight. The man found himself focused on the shelves of various potions, gems, trinkets, and a wide variety of other objects that he could not even begin to name.
Zhongli would probably be able to tell you the names of everything in here , a small voice in the back of his head told him to his dismay. Childe hated how accurate that thought was.
“Welcome to the store. Do you see anything that takes your fancy?” Childe almost jumped out of his skin when a soft voice suddenly spoke closely to his left ear. With how preoccupied he was with the items and his lovesick heart, he hadn’t noticed the woman that had made her way over to Childe. Where had she even come from? As far as he could tell, the store had been empty.
“Um…” Childe let himself trail off as he looked over to the owner of the voice, taking much notice to her almost inhuman eyes. Rather than regular circular pupils, narrow ovals sat in her eyes reminding Childe much more of a fox than a regular human being. The woman could have looked as if she could have been Childe’s age if it were not for the sparkle that held promise of ancient knowledge that Childe had only seen before in Zhongli and the Tsaritsa’s eyes. As fast as the endless abyss of knowledge appeared in the woman’s eyes, it blinked away in an instant and was replaced by simple amusement. She let out a small chuckle and took a few steps out of Childe’s personal space.
“Everyone comes to my shop for a reason. You must have a problem that you need a solution for, right? So what is it that you need?” The shopkeeper explained, her gaze steady on the younger man. Childe took a second to ponder over the question. He did come to the shop with a clear goal in mind but he had never gotten to the point of thinking of an object that could truly help him. He hadn’t even expected to be at the shop in the first place!
“I’ve been having troubles with... love,” Childe decided on saying, hoping the shopkeeper would know what Childe would need. “I need something that will help me forget. Though, I don’t know what exact item could help with that. I was hoping you could help me with that part. Of course, I’ll compensate you generously for your time.” Childe pulled out the pouch of mora that laid in his pocket. The shopkeeper looked at him blankly for a moment before an almost patronizing smile appeared on her face.
“I wouldn’t expect you to know what exactly you would need. If you already knew how to solve all of your issues, you wouldn’t find yourself here in the first place, right? There’s no need to wave around such a large amount of mora.” The shopkeeper waved her hand in dismal as she walked into a far corner of the store. Childe pocketed the pouch of mora, not knowing if the feeling bubbling in his chest was amusement or anger at being gently chided by the woman. Though Childe wasn’t able to give the feeling a second thought before she was speaking once again.
“You're in luck though. I have exactly what you need,” she began as she dug through a pile of knick knacks before pulling out what seemed to be a bottle of wine. Though if Childe had looked at the action right, then she had just pulled that bottle out from her sleeve rather than the pile. “Something to help you forget.” She made her way back over to Childe before passing the wine bottle to him. Childe decided to pocket the memory of where the shopkeeper pulled the wine bottle out from for later and looked at the glass vessel instead. At closer sight of the bottle, the man could see that not much liquid was left in it. Maybe enough for four or five more glasses. Six if he was stingy with his drinking. Childe looked back up at the woman and raised his eyebrows in almost a question. In response she let out a little snicker.
“The last owner of this bottle had… let’s just say lots of troubles. It does not matter, though. Just one glass of this should be more than enough to make you forget about the one who makes your heart yearn. As long as you are not directly confronted by them or anything directly related to them, they will never appear in your mind again.” A pause. “Though... just take this one on the house. I’m sure whatever you’re going through is more than enough payment,” she answered with. Childe spared another look at the bottle before nodding.
“I won’t complain about not spending money,” he said with a cheeky smile before preparing to leave the shop now that his business was done there. He did not want to stay there for longer than he had to. Between the weird aura the woman gave off and the way she and her items came out of nowhere, Childe was feeling more than enough uneasiness. “Well now that that is solved, I assume I can take my leave now. Thank you for your help!”
And with that the ginger gave a small wave, turned on the heel of his foot, and hastily made his way for the door he had entered through just leaving no time for the shopkeeper to respond. He opened the door and walked out, fully expecting to see the starless sky he had seen before. But instead, the bright sun and open sea of Liyue harbor greeted Childe instead. If it were not for the wine bottle in his grasp, he would have believed the whole encounter with the antique shop and shopkeeper were just a dream.
“This is ridiculous,” he whispered to himself while gently shaking his head. “Utterly ridiculous.” Yet he still turned around and made his way back to his temporary home in Liyue, intentions set on drowning away his memory of Zhongli with a glass of the magical wine.
No matter how tragic one’s memories could be, it is always difficult to let go of the past. Though one’s memories could be awful, it is those same memories that build a person into who they are in the present. That was the predicament Childe found himself in later that night, sitting alone at his dining table with just the bottle and a glass of the shopkeeper’s wine sitting on the surface.
It was easier to believe that Childe could simply drink a glass of wine and forget all of his troubles when the solution wasn’t literally sitting in front of him. But now, with the reality of the situation setting in to Childe, he made a few realizations.
Firstly and most importantly, what else would he forget? Zhongli had been one of the few constants in his time in Liyue. Almost everything that Childe had experienced in the city had somehow contracted back to the former archon. If Childe forgot about Zhongli, how much of Liyue would he forget? Would he forget the main reason he was there? What about the traveler who had just become one of his only friends? Or Tuecer? Would he forget their adventure together through the Dottore’s abandoned factory that had taken Childe out of battle for an entire week?
Childe didn’t want to forget about any of those memories. He had a responsibility to the Tsaritsa that he had to maintain and would not be able to achieve if he forgot about the original reason for his time in Liyue. As much of a rough patch he and the traveler went through at the Golden House, he considered them a great opponent in battle and enjoyed their time. And his little brother; Never once would he want to forget any time that they were able to spend together with how far away Childe’s job would send him sometimes.
And then there was the second realization. Did Childe truly want to forget Zhongli? As much as Childe could parade around and express how much he wanted to forget about the older man, a small part of him just couldn’t let go of the memory of him. As much as he had hurt Childe that day in the bank, a tiny bit of Childe wanted to forgive him.
If you and the traveler could make amends, couldn’t you and Zhongli? A voice in the back of his head supplied.
The traveler was simply an opponent in battle, while Zhongli is a liar. Another voice responded.
Aren’t you also a liar though? It wasn’t as if you told Zhongli your real reasons for being in Liyue. When did you ever mention to him that your main goal was to get Rex Lapis’ gnosis? You didn’t.
Childe promptly stood up and pushed in his chair before hastily making his way up to his bedroom. He needed sleep, he couldn’t think about this right now.
If anyone noticed the sour mood and eye bags Childe had as he walked into the Northland Bank the next morning, they didn’t mention it. Vlad gave the same half asleep nod to Childe as he walked through the door as he did every working day. Ekaterina gave him the same greeting of “Good morning, Master Childe” as she usually did. It was only Andrei that did anything out of the ordinary.
“Master Childe, there was a gentleman who wanted to meet with you,” the manager began, before Chile could make his way to his office for the day. “I don’t know exactly what he’s here for but he said you would know how to handle it so I sent him to your office to wait.” Childe gave a nod of dismissal before continuing his way to his office, not bothering to hide the annoyance he now felt. He had been planning to sleep the day away in his office after the little sleep he got the night before. As much as he tried to ignore the issue of what he was going to do with the wine, the thoughts still kept him up until the sun peaked back up into the sky.
Who would even be at his office at this hour? Better yet who would want to see him specifically , especially after the whole Osial fiasco.
His mind proposed one person in particular, but Childe ignored that thought. There was no way that he would be visiting Childe right now. Not with all the time that he had been avoiding Childe.
It wasn’t like Childe was also trying to avoid him.
Childe opened his office door to the sight of Zhongli gazing out the window on the other side of the room. Well it seemed like Childe was wrong once again .
Childe had half the mind to slam the door back shut when Zhongli turned around and cor lapis eyes shifted to gaze at him.
“Mr. Zhongli.” Childe simply said instead, somewhere in between a tone of formality and burning anger. Childe took a few steps into the room before closing the door shut.
“Ah, Childe. You’re here,” Zhongli said as if he wasn’t standing in Childe’s office. If Childe wasn’t so upset at the man, maybe he would have given one of his soft laughs that he usually gave whenever Zhongli ignored the dead obvious. Sadly that wasn’t the case. Instead, Childe fought to keep his expression polite and not let the conflicting feelings of anger and sorrow he was feeling inside show.
“Was there something you needed?” He asked. The question was legitimate. What did Zhongli need from him? The most obvious answer would be that Zhongli had come to apologize but Childe gave that a second thought. It had been weeks since the reveal; If Zhongli had come to apologize, why would he do it now? Zhongli had probably just came to him because he ran out of mora or something similar.
It didn’t matter either way. If Zhongli was there to apologize, Childe didn’t want to hear it. Zhongli had had so much time to just say “I’m sorry” to him that an apology at this point just wasn’t worth it. Zhongli had missed his chance. Childe wasn’t going to accept his apology. There was no way he would.
“I’ve come to apologize.” The older man started.
Childe was so close to just slamming his head on his office desk at that point.
“Oh?” Childe didn’t try to hide the aggravation that was quickly showing on his face anymore. “After let’s see… four weeks was it, you’ve come to apologize? Or has it been five by now?” The only sign that Zhongli was becoming uncomfortable was the slight tense of his shoulders as Childe’s eyes squinted into a glare.
“Yes, I have,” Zhongli began, his voice almost unwavering. Almost . “It seems that you may be… upset with me?” Childe let out a scoff in reply. It seems that he may be upset with Zhongli? Maybe if Zhongli had chosen to talk to childe way sooner he could have seen that Childe was most definitely upset.
“Is that a question or a statement?” Childe asked, crossing his arms. Zhongli opened his mouth to respond but Childe cut him off. He knew that he should probably hear Zhongli out but he just couldn’t right then. Between the wine still sitting on his table at home, the little sleep he got, and now the encounter with Zhongli, he just couldn’t bring himself to even try to make amends with the man right at that moment. It was just too much all at once right then, even for someone such as Childe. Archons above, why did Zhongli have to come to apologize to him right after he got a memory clearing bottle of wine? It was almost as if the gods hated him, though he could see why they would.
“Zhongli, you lie to my face for a year while I’m here in Liyue and then just show up at my workplace randomly one day a month later to apologize when you’re not even sure if I'm hurt by the fact that you didn't say the truth? You had to have known why I was here when the news about Mondstadt’s archon started to go around. Yet you still chose to keep me in the dark and make a fool out of me when you were going to give away your gnosis anyways. Of course I’m mad!” Childe let himself speak his mind just this once. Whatever was happening there made it obvious that the two of them most likely wouldn’t be speaking again on good terms. It was now or never for Childe to express his anger, no matter how rational or irrational it would seem to Zhongli.
Yet, it didn't feel as satisfying as Childe imagined it would. It just left him feeling… empty. Childe let himself take a deep breath before continuing much more calmly.
“Please just leave.” Zhongli opened his mouth to respond but seemed to decide against it and shake his head when he saw whatever look laid in Childe’s eyes.
“I see. Well I wish a good day to you, Childe,” he said, his eyes looking down to the wooden floor and his lips turned slightly downwards before heading out of the office. The soft click of the door shutting again sounded as Zhongli left.
For any other person, that expression would simply look like mild disappointment. But Childe knew Zhongli’s expressions. He knew seeing such an expression on the usual expressionless man’s face meant he had to be downright miserable or at least something close to it. And there were only two options for people that could be blamed for that dismal expression on Zhongli’s face. He had a strong feeling that the one to blame was the one who was still standing in his office.
Childe counted to thirty after the door shut before letting himself finally break and slide down to the floor, burying his head into his hands.
What the fuck was he doing?
Thankfully, none of his workers made a comment about Childe hastily leaving the bank only minutes after a gloomy funeral parlor worker exited the building.
Childe had drank a numerous amount of alcoholic drinks before in Liyue, courtesy of Zhongli. Though the two of them normally had chosen to eat at restaurants when they met up, enjoying a drink at a bar wasn’t out of the ordinary for them every once in a while. Yet, Childe liked to keep those affairs not too consistent. With too much alcohol, who knew what embarrassing things he could say to Zhongli? What if he tried to make a move on the older man or confessed? Childe would’ve never been able to live down a rejection from Zhongli. It wasn’t as if he expected the man to feel the same way back. It was just that’d it be so embarrassing to get rejected after such a drunken confession!
It was funny though, Childe thought to himself as he sat back down at the table in his home that he had sat at last night. Only just a little over a month ago, one of Childe’s biggest worries was not embarrassing himself in front of Zhongli. Yet now, there he sat, his problems escalated to clearing his memory of an entire person and whatever was related to said person. Oh how life played out sometimes.
Childe had drunk a numerous amount of alcoholic drinks before in Liyue but this one was new. Instead of looking warm and inviting, it looked cold and eerie just like the blank sky that laid over the mysterious antique shop. It really was a red flag. The whole situation was a red flag.
Any sensible person wouldn't teleport themselves to sketchy antique shops with not quite human shopkeepers and agree to drink unknown concoctions that clear your memory. But it seemed Childe stopped being sensible long before this moment in time. Whether he had lost all sense when he had fallen in love with a god or if it was much before that when he lurked in the dark depths of the abyss, it was apparent that it wasn’t there.
Childe gave one last look to the murky liquid before he threw all reason out of the window and suddenly grabbed the wine glass, lifting it up to his lips. If Childe was a patient man, maybe he would have given his actions another thought.
Childe was not a patient man.
He emptied the liquid down his throat, the bitter taste comparing nothing to the feeling of violent regret that swiftly ran through him.
Childe barely had any time to set his glass down before dark spots danced around his vision. The second to last thought he had before being taken by the darkness was that he wished he at least tried to hear Zhongli’s apology out instead of wiping his head clear of the memories of the man.
The last thought he had was void of any men with long dark hair and glowing amber for eyes, for the memory of Zhongli no longer existed to Childe.