all the stars (we steal from the night sky)

by nowhere_bound (nobody_important_tm)

Summary:

A person transmigrates into Heaven Official's Blessing several hundred years before the main plot happens, and regrets all previous life choices.

Notes:

-I'm new at this don't judge me
-this was written for fun and Not Edited
-Idk don't be too harsh I guess???

Chapter 1: transmigration

Summary:

A person transmigrates, and is Not Pleased.

     Transmigration is a horrible experience. 0/10, do not recommend. 

     I had a normal life. Sure, there was the occasional existential crisis and/or mental breakdown, but overall, it was an ordinary boring life. 

     Then there was The Incident. It was traumatizing, gave me a psychological shadow, and shan't be mentioned again.  

     Then I was, all of the sudden, a baby. My body wouldn't do what I wanted, all I could see were blurry shapes, and I kept. Falling. Asleep.  

     I would be thinking (which should not be possible because I was a baby with a baby brain, and baby brains were not supposed to have adult minds and nothing made sense anymore help me ) about what the fuck I did to be transmigrated (or was it reincarnated?). There was a thought that just kept lingering out of reach and whenever I got close I would feel so incredibly tired and I would fall asleep. Again.   

     My eyes began to clear up a few months after my abrupt occupation of my new body, and I could finally see what sort of place I now lived in. I seemed to be in ancient china. That, or my parents(?) were very dedicated cosplayers. My brother(?) was usually off doing... something. Maybe he was studying? The civil service exams were a thing, right? On the other hand, I was about 95% sure that we were poor. 

     I spent most of the time after birth ( which I was not aware for, thank God) observing whatever I could see (which was admittedly not a lot) and listening to my parents(?) talk. They were, thankfully, speaking a dialect I could understand. English, obviously, was not a thing. It meant I could use it to curse someone out and nobody would know, which perfectly suited my purposes. 

     My brother(?) would come by sometimes to stare at me. I got the feeling he didn’t know how to interact with babies. Or maybe he did, and just didn’t know how to interact with me. Either one was possible, but it was kind of adorable how serious he seemed all the time. I decided he was my new favorite person. 

     After what felt like a few months as a baby, I knew three things: 

• I was transmigrated/reincarnated 
• I was now living in either a) in the past, specifically ancient china or b) in an alternate reality 
• I was fucked 

     I was prepared to live in the twenty-first century, not ancient china possibly part of an alternate reality. What if I offended someone and got my head chopped off? What if it was something worse? Was this even real? I have no way of knowing reality from a dream. Gods, help me . 

     Speaking of which, were there gods? Because if there was, I’d be seriously fucked. Why, you ask? My surname was He (fourth tone, character meaning to congratulate ). I lived in Fu Gu. I had a brother. You have three guesses, and the first two don’t count. 

     That’s right, I’m the cannon fodder sister of Black Water Sinking Ships who dies a miserable death. Yay. 

Notes:

-I might write more of this. Someday. Eventually.
EDIT: okay so I did that

Chapter 2: life goals

Summary:

No, she isn't biased. At all. Really.

Notes:

- I wrote this in like an hour ignore the mistakes pls
- this was not planned, but Inspiration happened
- I had actual work but procrastination
- enjoy???

   I was going to die.  

     No, really.  

     See, the thing is He Xuan’s human life really only features the bloody bits in the books. Basically, all anyone knew was that his family was poor and then the shit with the Venerable of Empty Words happens and everything goes to hell.  

     This meant that I didn’t know any details concerning my immediate future, and also that I was fucked.  

     Shi Wudu was going to screw with fate and there was nothing I could do to stop it, because I didn’t finish the books . Instead I read fanfiction and procrastinated. Fuck.  

     In other words, I was eleven and hadn’t done much other than being a sitting duck, if ducks could tell the future (and hey, who knows, right?) and had daydreams of stabbing the person who will fuck them over in the future (again, you never know).  

     Which brought up the problem of, well, the future. Tian Guan Ci Fu  had a storyline that stretched over centuries, and the main characters were ghosts and gods. And I, was a squishy human. Yeah, gods depend on the worship of the masses, but I was one person and gods were assholes who usually didn’t give a shit about individual humans. Ghosts cared even less.  

     Basically, I’m the most cannon fodder of cannon fodders.  

     Unfortunate but not unexpected, really.  

     My life goal is to live longer than the original, which- sad. A very sad life goal. But also to make Shi Wudu suffer, because he may be fine in a book, but this was my life now and I was a petty person.  

     In other words, they align very well with future He Xuan’s goals, which was great because brother is amazing and his plotting has very reasonable motivations and thus my goals are great .  

     Obviously, brother is perfect. What do you mean, I’m biased?  

Notes:

-this was basically mc's thoughts not actual plot
-there may be more soon. idk.
-this was rlly short but if I ever actually get around to Plot they'll get longer

Chapter 3: of fate and body counts

Summary:

Dying is horrible. Dying twice is worse.

Notes:

the plot has gained sentience and mutated.

     Brother was going to take the civil service exam. 

     Brother was going to take the civil service exam . 

     Fuck Shi Wudu. Fuck him. Was this his fault? No. But he should still burn in hell. On to more important matters. 

     Brother was hellbent on taking it. Something about meimei , it’ll be fine, and don’t' worry so much, you’re only eleven.  No, no it would not be fine . And I wasn’t actually eleven if you count my other life. But I couldn’t stop him. 

     The worst part? I was pretty sure this was how Shi Wudu found him. If he didn’t take the exam, there was no way that fucker could have found him in this tiny town. Goddammit . 

     Brother wanted to go. Mother and Father wanted him to go. Hell, the universe was conspiring against me to make him go. He went. 

     We were doomed. 

- 

     It took one month to travel to the capital. Another to travel back. Those two months were the most stressful in my life. 

    Our family incurred more debt. Things started going wrong. The Venerable of Empty Words was here.  

    How it could affect our luck when brother was still in the capital was beyond me. Either way, it sucked. 

     It started getting worse the closer it was to the date brother was arriving. I could almost hear its whispering. 

    Miraculously, brother arrived back on time. Surprising. I thought that he would get rained in or something. I guess that wouldn’t be that much of a concern for him though, like our family’s debt was, with how it kept growing by the day. 

     On the day he arrived, the sky was unfairly pretty. It was very ominous, because skies do not look like that make it go away . 

     There were seven shades of blue in the patch I could see through the leaves of the tree I was sitting under alone. My parents thought it was a sign of changing fortunes. It was, just not the way they expected. 

- 

     Things went on. 

     What little was known of Black Water Sinking Ships’ backstory progressed smoothly. I started plotting Shi Wudu’s death in earnest. The usual. 

     And then things went off the rails. 

(never underestimate the butterfly effect) 

- 

    It was about as normal of a day you got when you were in ancient magic china (that is, kind of normal until you notice something that is absolutely unreal and oh my God what the fUCK IS THAT ). 

    (want to know what happened? yeAH WELL SO DO I- what the FUCK IS HAPPENING TO MY LIFE kiLL Me noW nO dON’t acTuALLy) 

     It was a dark, ominous afternoon. Black clouds covered the sky. I saw an eldritch abomination or two among them. You get used to it. 

- 

     Things did not happen the way expected.  

     Instead, one fine afternoon, I was kidnapped. By fucking slave traders (yeah, the details on He Xuan’s past were foggy, but his sister getting kidnapped by slave traders was not part of it ). This was not supposed to happen. I didn’t know slave traders were a thing here. 

     What is my life. Oh wait. I forgot I was in ancient magic china. Never mind. 

- 

     I escaped, obviously. 

     One does not live for eleven fucking years in ancient magic china and not pick up a few... tricks (look, just because I had a body count by the age of eight does not make me a horrible person. Sometimes, these things just happen. Everyone in Tian Guan Ci Fu had a body count. The point is, sometimes you just got to murder a bitch) 

     (I did have the normal human reactions to killing, thank you very much . But I had enough time to get over it, and now I’m fine. They deserved it anyway) 

     Long story short, I was alive and the slavers were mostly not. Collapsing infrastructure, minimal flooding of the floors with a flammable liquid, and a few torches may have been involved. 

     (It wasn’t my fault their infrastructure was very collapsible. These things just happen sometimes) 

     It took me a couple of weeks, but it was worth it. Then I realized I also missed the deaths of my entire family, lucky me (again, fuck Shi Wudu. I had eleven fucking years to get attached, and I was Not Fucking Happy about this. At all) and was just in time for the latter part of the massacre. The part when brother turns into a ghost but keeps up the slaughter (good for him. Brother always has the best ideas) 

     And then the blood loss and wounds caught up to me, and I died. 

Notes:

~just realized she doesn't have a name yet. wtf.
~once again, this chapter was not planned
~if I want the plot to happen, she has to either die or ascend. she... look, hx's sister obviously doesn't have a fate like he did, so death it is
~the tricks she mentioned were basically murderer skills, and she learnt 'em to prepare for future SWD killing. they came in handy when she was eight and someone tried to kidnap her. her family has no idea, except maybe hx.

Chapter 4: life as a ghost

Summary:

Adventures of a ghost.

Notes:

~finally! she has a name!

     What was it that brother had said? Something about meimei , a- shuang , you’re eleven, you shouldn’t worry so much at such a young age, you’ll get frown lines.  

      Well now I’m eleven forever. Maybe I should just stop giving a shit? That’s a surprisingly good idea, actually. 

     Fucks-not-given starting in three, two, one. 

- 

     Being a ghost was an interesting sensation, to say the least. I didn’t have a body, and everything was kind of... 

     Scattered. Like if I didn’t focus, I would just drift apart. 

     It happened a few times. A surprisingly nice sensation, but I was worried it might become permanent if I stayed too long. On the other hands, I don’t actually give a fuck right now.  

     I let myself drift whenever I had a chance. 

     When I wasn’t being intentionally discorporated, I was very carefully eating(?) spiritual energy. It was strange. 

     Some places have more spiritual energy than others. I didn’t know why, but I suspected that it was because of dead people. 

     I mean, it had to go somewhere after they died, right? 

- 

     I didn’t mean for this to happen. Actually, I never mean for anything to happen, it just does. 

- 

     Mount TongLu was the birthplace of Devastations. A live volcano, over what used to be Wuyong. The only ghosts who have ever survived it are He Xuan and Hua Cheng, because it was a fucking slaughterhouse. 

     As such, I was not going. Nope, nada. Being a ghost was good enough, no need to put myself through that.  

     But the fucking place was pulling me. 

     I tried to ignore it, but it literally physically pulled me. And in a moment (which was really closer to a month, drifting was nice- kind of like taking a hot bath- and I lost track of time, can you blame me?)- 

     (yes, yes you can) 

     -of inattention I was pulled right up to the gates (the metaphorical ones, TongLu was a mountain, it didn’t have gates) of the volcano. 

     I had a feeling this wasn’t normal.  

     (this probably had something to do with my previous lifetime, didn’t it. Fuck) 

Notes:

~mt. tonglu is an asshole
~basically she's just taking a break, loses track of time, and when she looks up she's in front of mt. tonglu
~it does have to do with prev. life. basically her soul is 'slippery', so to speak (which is how she transmigrated. 'slipped' through spacetime) and mt. tonglu pulling combined equals what happened.

Chapter 5: ad infinitum

Summary:

What happens in Mount TongLu, stays in Mount TongLu.

Notes:

~enjoy

day one  

     Mount TongLu black and red. 

     Red streams of lava flowing through crevices and channels in the black rock. The lava was tinted blue and purple near the edges (again, probably a magic thing. And yes, I know it’s called spiritual energy, but do I care? No, I don’t) and I was this close to jumping in and ending my miserable existence. 

     Ignoring the fact that every (non)living thing was trying to kill you, it was all rather lovely. 

     (ignoring burningscorchingpain that I felt when the Shi Wudu took everything even after the years I had to do something, anything at all, and still I couldn't change it-

     It was a rather fortuitous occurrence, after all. A Wrath from the beginning, so much power-

     all for such a small price)

     (want to hear a joke? eleven years, knowing what's going to happen, and still it happens all the same- because you failed, you could have, should have been able to stop this and yOu fAiLeD)

Day twenty-three  

     It was a good thing ghosts didn’t have to sleep, because I haven’t slept in three weeks. 

     How did brother ever survive for twelve years here? How was he even remotely sane when he got out?  

     I had to deal with an attack every three fucking minutes, and oh my god I hate this place so fucking-  

     Anyways. 

Day eighty-one  

     Eating ghosts was surprisingly satisfying. 

     That came out wrong. 

     Devouring the spirits- no, not that either. 

     Gaining spiritual energy from the consumption of spiritual beings was not an exercise in vain. 

     (good) 

day one hundred thirty-four  

     I had stumbled upon a problem. A conundrum. The square root of negative one, so to speak. 

     The Devastations in Tian Guan Ci Fu had powers. Hua Cheng had his butterflies, brother had (will have?) his black oceans. That was certain.  

     What was not certain was how they acquired them. 

     It had to have something to do with spiritual energy, right? 

Day one hundred seventy-three  

     It exploded. Again. 

     (fuck) 

     Good news: I had sort of, possibly, started to get the hang of the spiritual energy thing. 

     Bad news: It. Kept. Exploding.  

     I would gather a ball? Sphere? (it was sort of round, and that counts, right?) of something that might be light. Maybe. 

     It behaved  like light, anyway, 

     But it also seemed to give off radiation? (also I could see ultraviolet light and fucking radiation now if I do a thing that involved spiritual energy so what the fuck who cares)

     The effects were as such, anyway. 

     (so... particle-wave nature of photons plus radiation plus spiritual energy/magic equals ???) 

    (quasars gave out radiation, right? and stars, too. holy shit, did I have a mini-star in my hand just now? what the fuck ) 

     (was that why they kept exploding? because stars exploded, right? was I making mini-stars with the lifespan of a few minutes? few seconds? That’d be simultaneously awesome and terrifying) 

     (but they were cold? as far as I could tell, they didn’t seem to emit any heat, just... cold radiation??? and light??? was that even possible?) 

     The result of my... experimentation was small (probably) mini-stars that kept exploding. It was all very destructive. 

     (hahaha fuck) 

Day three hundred fifty-two  

     I would very much like not to give a fuck about any of this. I dearly would. But humans are flawed and I hate Mount TongLu. 

     It was easier not giving a shit before I ended up here. 

day four hundred ninety-one  

     I now understand the mass slaughters committed by anyone ever in the novels. All of them. Ever.   

     I, too would like to do that. 

     What the fuck is with all these assholes targeting me specifically ! Just because I looked eleven doesn’t mean that I can’t kick their asses seven ways to fucking Sunday . 

Day seven hundred  

      There are certain things, things that are inevitable and constant no matter where you are, in whatever reality, in whatever universe. Like widespread destruction. No, it isn’t an excuse. 

     ...suffice to say, the complete and utter destruction of a few hundred square meters worth of tunnels and caves was not intended. 

     (it wasn’t my fault that destroying so many caves  wasn’t on my mind when I considered the possible effects of photon/radiative cooling/spiritual energy interaction) 

     (that certainly didn’t stop it from happening when I spread the ice- frost, pfft- a bit further than intended. Just a bit. Then the mini-star exploded and well-) 

     (the mini-star, in retrospect, probably just made things worse. Especially when the explosions happened. Actually, that must’ve contributed a lot to the final result)  

     Back to square one and a half, I guess.

Notes:

~the shuang in her name is the character 霜，meaning frost. it's compared to light (mostly moonlight, actually) sometimes in traditional chinese poetry which is where I got power idea from
~I spent /so long/ on wikipedia and google trying to figure out how it would work. the results were inconclusive. basically what she has /is/ a mini-star. Specifically a magnetar pulsar. it gives out a ton of radiation, and the ice/cold thing is mostly radiative cooling (electromagnetic radiation taking away heat)taken to an extreme -because no distance/blockage making it weaker and whatever doesn't work (the no heat thing) will be explained away by spiritual energy/ magic because LOOK the xuan in he xuan literally means black and black water seas hello??? and hua cheng's cheng means city. less said about his other names. The point is, the NAME HAS TO FIT.
~the thing with ice and explosions is basically: it's cold. like, close to/is absolute zero. and ice makes things brittle plus explosions?
~she is working on the exploding unintentionally thing. she is. trying.
~I have no idea if that makes sense. don't judge me.
~ok so the wrath rank from the beginning thing is like: you rise in rank because of willpower and shit, but spiritual energy helps. and after that she just spends time consuming it because she may be wrath rank but she needs like fuel? to function properly.
~I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HAPPENS TO HE XUAN. does he still become a devastation? how does the timeline work with mt. tonglu? maybe he ascends instead. shit

Chapter 6: et ultra

Summary:

A bit of He Xuan's perspective.

Notes:

~idk why or how this happened, but enjoy, I guess

    He Xuan is hungry. 

    Cold. 

    (mother, father, meimei- I'm sorry. I’m sorry I couldn’t save you. I’m sorry I came home too little too late I’m sOrrY it’S mY fAuLt aLL mINe) 

     ( mother, father, I’m sorry you had to suffer. I’m sorry for everything that happened when I wasn’t there, when I was- ) 

     ( meimei , I’m sorry you had to diE. I’m sOrry for the weeks you spent in a cAgE, for having to find your way through the forests and the hills in the dead of night and midday’s sun and  I waSN’T THERE-  

      I’m sorry you didn’t have a home to come back to ) 

      (I’m sorrY  I fAiLeD )  

- 

     The gods. 

     Perfect, flawless, holy.  

     Beyond mistake, beyond reprimands.  

      ( hypocrites, the lot of them. Lying and thieving cowards who get on their high horse and say  we are better than you when all that separates them from the lowly mortals is luck and fate and lies  

     And they say worship us for we are better  all the while ignoring that those they consider below them are all that hold them up ) 

     ( who is Shi Wudu, to judge the worth of a life? to weigh one against the other?) 

- 

     The Heavenly Calamity comes for Ming Yi in the dark clouds and crackling lightning of a hurricane. 

     Ming Yi is already dead. 

     Ming Yi had been dead three days hence, killed in an accident not even of He Xuan's doing. The calamity still comes.

     (the thing with heavenly calamities is no one can tell if it's really passed, except the one who receives it- and, well, who would believe that someone would lie about an ascension, right? It's not as if anyone who didn't pass it would be able to reach heaven, after all-)

-

     Heaven was a dream in gold and white, beyond what mortal minds could imagine, beyond what mortal hands could create.

     He Xuan hated it.

     Heaven was a gilded facade covering enough rot and corruption for a universe- filled with gods who did not care for their lowly worshipers- never mind the fact that those mortals were the reason they sat on their thrones. Who would lie and cheat and take and take from the world for themselves-

     These were the gods who were an immovable audience to the tragedy of the world, without enough decency to even admit it. 

-

     He remembers when meimei was born. 

     She was tiny, born in a winter night. Their parents named her shuang for the frost on the ground. 

     He was twelve. 

- 

     A-shuang had been a quiet child. His meimei had been strange and sad and bright and brilliant like the stars, knowing things no child her age should be able to understand.  

     Then she was gone, along with everything he ever cared about (all because of Shi Wudu -) - gone.

     -and he held their cold bodies and he was a l o n e

     (no no nonononO please don't leave don'tdon'TDON'T)

-

(I'm sorry I left)

Notes:

~a bit more angst than intended
~this is basically snippets from hx pov
~I have no idea where the inspiration for this came from. just... don't question it
~hx eventually ends up spying for hua cheng

Chapter 7: of nuclear proportions

Summary:

Heaven is destroyed, but just a little.

Notes:

~I have no idea where this came from

     I had a problem. A rather big one. 

     Black Water Sinking Ships was still in existence. Still the most elusive Devastation to ever grace the earth, the only exception being maybe Bai Wuxiang. Ming Yi  also existed, recently ascended as Earth Master. And he had a reputation for eating. A lot. Like, He Xuan amounts of eating. Hei Shui Chen Zhou amounts of eating.

     Thus, the horrifying conclusion: brother was impersonating the Earth Master. 

     Shit shit shit fuck. How did that happen? Why did that happen. Wasn’t the impersonation thing supposed to happen after a few hundred years? Was my knowledge of the actual novels actually that inaccurate?  

      I was screwed. 

     (how the fuck am I supposed to tell him I wasn’t permanently erased from existence now? ) 

- 

     The way it worked was this: if I don’t want supernovae happening whenever I tried to use my weird magic powers, I could only use one aspect of it at a time because my control was shit. 

     The light and, well, what was probably nuclear fusion wasn’t really an issue. The radiation was. 

     If I didn’t want to alter the plants, wildlife, and occasional human-most likely permanently- I just... didn’t. Much. 

     (it was fun, okay?) 

     I still had no idea how it worked. 

- 

     Nuclear fusion was an issue. 

     There will be no further explanations. 

- 

     Okay, so I may have blown Heaven up a little. Just a tiny bit, really.  

- 

     I may have blown heaven up a lot. 

     In my defense, it was an accident. A slightly intended accident, but still an accident. 

     (I never meant to blow it up that much ) 

     Brother wasn’t even there! He was on a mission  to kill some monster or the other. So the whole thing was kind of pointless. Ugh. 

- 

     It wasn’t my fault heaven had terrible security. 

Notes:

~this is absolutely how heaven finds out about another devastation on the loose
~as you can see, her knowledge of tgcf is very spotty

Chapter 8: blink and you'll miss (the warning signs)

Summary:

The Plot is inevitable.

Notes:

~enjoy the chaos

      After my (very sadly) failed attempt at finding brother, I laid low. The Heavens were (probably rightly) furious at my collateral damage, and most gods were probably out for my (actually nonexistent, I’m a ghost, after all) blood. Not that it would do them any good. Collateral damage was still there no matter how much they hated me right now. 

     So I laid low. Because yes, I could take them on any day, but I wasn’t trying to start a war. I had things to do! 

     Things like trying to figure out what the fuck I was supposed to do now. 

- 

     I traveled. Went to towns and cities, saw the sights, fucked with the heavens by randomly popping in and helped them... redesign. That was the word for it, yup. 

     (it was hilarious) 

     Occasionally I would bump into some haunting or the other. If I was in the mood, I helped. 

     (whether the... supernatural entity or the human received it... depends. Some people deserved being haunted) 

      I met all sorts of interesting people on the road. Gods, ghosts, actual humans... 

     Life was good. 

     Then the universe threw me a curveball. 

- 

     When you travel as much as I did, you get used to seeing different people. 

     White was a surprisingly common color on the road. Daoists wore it, commoners wore it, ghosts wore it, gods in 'disguise' wore it. Even I wore it, sometimes. 

     Granted, at least I had the sense to cover white robes with a cloak (grey, usually) because if you get a stain in it, you’ll never get it clean again. 

     It was an unnaturally lovely summer morning, and I was in my ‘real’ form. The eleven year old one. Usually I would age myself up to an adult, but I was feeling in the mood for child form. 

     (shapeshifting was the best thing to ever happen to me) 

     There I was, walking along the road under the shade of some trees. Then I saw a cave. It wasn’t a particularly interesting cave, but I had ran out of things to do. I collapsed the palace of that one particularly infuriating deity, checked to see if brother was around (he wasn’t), and left. The last town was a week ago, last haunting two months. I was bored.  

     White, as I said, wasn’t a rare color. So really, there was no reason to think that the person sleeping in a cave with a bamboo hat and white robes what anyone out of the ordinary. 

     I poked him awake, because I wanted someone to talk to (or play pranks on, whatever). 

     The man looked terribly confused. As expected. 

     “Hello” I said. 

     “Ah, hello. Might I ask-” 

     Then he paused, and stared. And stared. Must be a product of being woken up by an eleven year old in the middle of nowhere. 

     He seemed rather lost for words, so I took pity on him. 

     “I’m xiao-ling.   Who are you? Why are you here? What do you do? What do I call you?” 

     Or confused him even more. Take your pick. 

- 

     The man in white, it turned out, was picking scraps. He was traveling to pick up scraps. I hadn’t managed to get his name from him yet, but he said I could call him whatever I wanted. 

     (all the similarities were very suspicious, but it must be the paranoia. My luck wasn’t that  bad, surely?) 

     “Bai-ge , Bai-ge , are we there yet? Where are we going?” 

     I followed him on his trip. I was this close  to figuring out his name, and I was bored. One of those contributed to my decision much more than the other, and it didn’t have anything to do with names. 

     I still had no idea where we were going. It was probably the next town over, but what was the point of being in child form if I wasn’t going to act like a child, right? 

- 

     Following random people in white on their trip to collect scraps, as it turned out, was a terrible idea. 

     Three days into our journey, a huge bolt of light descended on Bai-ge (who turned out to be Xie Lian holy shit what the fUCK) and he ascended. For the third time. 

     Just great. 

Notes:

~hi, dialogue. bye, dialogue.
~what will happen next? wouldn't I like to know.
~this triggers the actual start of the Plot.
~bai means white. ge basically means brother.
~mc's internal screaming intensifies
~the ling she uses is the character 靈 in chinese, from the phrase 靈魂, which basically means ghost. 靈 by itself means spirit. xl doesn't know how it's written, so he probably thinks it's a homonym of the character
~by redesigning, she means more destruction of property. on a slightly smaller scale. it happens about a year or so. they still haven't caught her in the act, though.

Chapter 9: teahouse

Summary:

Meeting a new friend.

Notes:

~this is like rlly short sorry

     One good thing came out of the whole affair. 

     Remember how Xie Lian’s ascension toppled several palaces?  

     I’m sure Heaven won’t mind if I help them redesign. Just a little bit, of course. Wouldn’t want to offend their delicate sensibilities. After all, my first time redesigning was rather drastic.

- 

     Brother wasn’t there, again. It never fails to put me in a bad mood. 

- 

     “ Lin Guang Dian Xing is dangerous.” said Ling Wen, to Xie Lian, clearly unaware of said ghost lurking in the ceiling beams. This was amazing.    

     I really had no idea why they chose that specific title but I loved it.  

     But why was she telling Xie Lian about me? I don’t recall- oh. Right. The redesigning.  

     Wait, she was still talking. What did I miss? 

     Something something mission something ghost bridegroom in Yu Jun mountain.

     Oh. That.

- 

     I was not going to follow him to Yu Jun mountain and risk meeting Hua Cheng. Or interrupting the whole ‘ romantic walk over the corpses of some dead people as blood literally falls from the sky’ thing. Don’t get me wrong, it was very sweet. Just not my thing, really. 

     Instead, I made my way to Puji town by myself. Or, well, I tried . 

- 

     The worst decision of my life was when I decided to stop at a teahouse. It was a rather nice teahouse. They had lovely tea. Everything about it was very nice, very normal, wasn't involved in the Plot.

     I, foolishly, thought that a teahouse would be relatively safe from Plot shenanigans. I was wrong. Mainly because I didn't pay any attention to the location. Or the name of the mountain. 

     Why is my luck like this.

- 

     There was a person in the teahouse. The person looked like a nice person. Maybe. 

     There were also no more tables. 

     I really wanted tea, okay? 

- 

     “ Jiejie , can I sit with you? Please?” 

     Shit. What have I done. Why is this happening. Why did I call him jiejie.  

     The person nodded. 

     ...wait. He didn’t dispute the form of address. Uh. Do I keep calling him jiejie ? Were they actually female? It’s too awkward to switch to gege  now, right? 

     Right??? 

Notes:

~she meets a new person! and then accidentally calls him jiejie. any ideas on who it is? tbh I haven't decided yet
~Lin Guang Dian Xing is written 凜光点星，Lin means 'cold, guang means 'light', dian xing combined means 'to ignite stars' or 'ignites stars'. Title came from the many gods who knocked their heads hard enough to see stars when their palaces collapsed or her abilities. take your pick.
~I need to finish rereading tgcf before the next chapter *sighs*
~he shuang: ends up on yj mountain all while trying to avoid it. I will admit this is reminiscent of my complete inability to notice my actual physical location unless someone tells me to my face.
~the teahouse thing happens like a bit before xl gets there

Chapter 10: stalking 101

Summary:

Stalking happens.

     The person- who was now apparently now  jiejie?- left after an extremely nerve-wracking half-hour.  

-  

     I (tried to) ditch the teahouse after having heard someone talking about the ghost bridegroom in the mountain.  

     At least I found out in time.  

     Or not.  

-  

     I was forced to hide in the ceiling for the second time in twenty-four hours. Today was not a good day.  

     ‘Nan Feng’ and ‘Fu Yao’ had finally arrived. They were now fighting. Again. Like they were half the times I saw them while I was in heaven on a trip.  

     I still didn’t know what their problem was.  

-  

     Mount Yu Jun was a mountain. That’s it. It’s literally a mountain, what else can I describe it as? Mountains were mountains, ghosts were ghosts, idiot trio was idiot trio.  

     Also, HuaLian’s weird flirting was weird.

     I was only stalking them because I wanted to follow them to Xie Lian’s shrine, then wait it out until the Venerable of Empty Words came along. That was probably the only way not  to end up accidentally missing brother’s arrival by five minutes again.  

     Hopefully I would manage to catch him this time.  

     It was probably going to be needlessly dramatic, with how all the reunions in novels went. At least from what I knew. In hindsight, I might just have forgotten the boring ones.  

     One of us (in all honesty probably me) was going to make it in the nick of time to prevent some tragic event- which in all likelihood, given our history, was going to be involved with the Wind and Water Masters- and all the dramatic confrontations of ‘what the fuck I thought you were dead’  and ‘where were you’  would happen.  

     Then things develop in either an incredibly cliché way or in a wildly different direction.  

     It was already giving me a headache.  

-  

     It's funny how none of the heavenly officials ever catch me. Not when I spy on them, not when I steal, and when I literally blow their palaces up-  

     Is this the so called plot armor?  

-  

     I finally got out of the rafters after Xie Lian was distracted with the idiots trying to trick Xuan Ji with a puppet ‘bride’. These people really underestimated ghosts, didn’t they.    

     Something as simple as a puppet wouldn’t trick a Wrath who could tell if the damned bride was smiling under her veil.  

     That did bring up the question of how Xie Lian passed through.  

     On the other hand, if I were Xuan Ji, I wouldn’t check under the robes for genitals either. Hua Cheng would most definitely utterly destroy anyone who did, so she probably got lucky with that one.  

     Still, the fact that Xie Lian was male should be... pretty obvious? Or did Xuan Ji just think he was a girl who had boyish looks?  

-  

     I (somehow despite all logic) made it out of Yu Jun mountain and to Puji town. Without getting noticed by the various non-human entities who were there. Somehow.  

     With nothing else to do, I began to make up excuses for how and why I went from some road in the middle of literally nowhere to, well, here.  

     An eleven year old, going from the wilderness to a town miles away from the previous location in a few days.  

     ...maybe I should just hope no one mentions it.     

Chapter 11: don't jinx yourself

Summary:

She should really stop jinxing herself.

     Someone mentioned it. 

- 

     Two hours and a very confusing conversation later, we (referring to me, the idiot and Xie Lian, who was too nice to be called an idiot) came to a conclusion. 

     I would be allowed to stay. 

     But.

     It came with the condition that I eventually ‘fess up to what I was, why I was there ('San Lang’), and that I wouldn’t harm Xie Lian (once again, ‘San Lang’). 

     Which was totally fine! I wasn’t planning on staying undercover forever! That would be kind of pointless. 

     Now to wait. 

- 

     Or not, apparently. 

     Despite all my plotting, I’d somehow forgotten about Ban Yue pass. Which is where brother will show up. As a girl. 

     Hmm. 

- 

     Twas a sunny afternoon when we set off for Ban Yue pass.  

     The empty shell had shown up right when we (me, ‘San Lang’, and His Highness the Crown Prince of Xian Le) were about to have lunch, which was being made by Xie Lian. 

     On one hand, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to have yet another one of taizi-dianxia 's meals.  

     On the other, this was actually incredibly bad timing for me since I was planning to take the chance to sneak off and drop off a nice little gift  for the Heavenly Official’s. 

     But what’s done is done, and we began our journey. 

- 

     A period of time and a whole fucking lot of sand  later, I was regretting not making the empty shell die more painfully. Have I ever mentioned that I hate sand? 

     I hate sand. 

- 

     “Shit,” I whispered, softly, with great feeling. 

     A 70 mph wind will be able to lift a person of around 50 kg off the ground. 90 would blow someone away. This wind was going at what seemed like 200 miles-per-fucking-hour and there was fucking sand. 

     Conclusion: the Wind Master was insane. 

     Maybe they should have considered, oh, I don’t know, how much force can an average human body withstand and how large a fall would make their bodies shatter into tiny little pieces of meat and bone and general human parts?!   

     While greatly enhanced thanks to spiritual energy, the constitution of gods and ghosts hadn’t deviated from normal humans as much as people like to think. Landing from who-knows-how-many-meters in the air was painful . 

      Shi Qingxuan why are you like this.   

-  

     After what was actually a longer span of time than what was implied in the novels, we finally managed to arrive at the cave. 

     As expected, the merchant caravan was indeed there, although their survival in a cave full of snakes for what must’ve been hours was questionable without knowledge of the actual characters involved (*cough* ‘a-Zhao’ *cough*). 

     So... did Pei Su just wait in a cave for hours on the off chance that we would find shelter in this exact cave? 

- 

     Brother, perhaps understandably, did not recognize me the moment we met. Mainly because I was a) wearing a cloak with a really big hood (because fucking sand ), b) hiding behind the tall people (‘San Lang’ and the others), and c) missing for centuries and human (or non-human actually) memory is fallible. 

     I did recognize brother but that was mainly because of Before. He looked nothing like brother and everything like female Ming Yi right now. It was weird. 

     (also. 

     The Wind Master was jiejie.  

      The W in d Mas t er. Was. Jie. Jie.  

      What the fuck what the fuckfuck fuckfuC K -  

      Holy shit. 

     Using a different form at the teahouse was the best decision of my fucking life. I was so fucking glad that I didn’t decide to just throw caution to the wind) 

Notes:

~she's just calling xl a variety of different names which are all technically correct
~I thought about the jiejie and realized sqx is actually the only one who would plausibly react that way because they switch between genders a lot

Chapter 12: snowflake bombs

Summary:

~When you want to reunite with your brother but it's been several centuries and you know it's going to be awkward so you keep putting it off. You're also in denial about it.

Also, you just called the sibling of your sworn enemy jiejie while they were in male form. This is prime blackmail material and you know it.

    There was silence. If I could register outside sound over the cacophony of my internal screaming, I might have heard a pin drop, if pins actually existed at this particular point in time. 

- 

    “Hello, your highness.” 

     The Wind Master smiled amiably. It was the most terrifying sight I had ever seen in my long unlife. 

     Xie Lian greeted her (them?) back. On their other side, gege  was staring at Hua Cheng, who I was hiding behind. 

     He clearly hadn’t noticed me. Good. While it was tempting, randomly revealing that you were in fact a centuries old ghost was not a good idea at the moment. 

     Also, Ming Yi didn’t have a sister. That, too, was an issue. 

- 

     They left. Disaster avoided. 

     Can you imagine the disaster could have happened? I can, and I do not like it. 

- 

    The summons from Heaven were... not unexpected? 

     I did, vaguely, recall something like that. Probably. Otherwise the butterfly affect was in action and everything was fucked. 

     I tagged along. Secretly. With a bomb. 

- 

     The bomb was deployed. There was chaos. 

- 

     What happened was this: 

     During the time those idiots were questioning Xie Lian about the sudden appearance of one lovesick idiot (Hua Cheng. It’s Hua Cheng), I was doing my (not daily, but close to it by my standards) routine of scouring every nook and cranny for my brother.  

     Well, before I remembered his ‘kidnapped’ status at the moment, courtesy of tow junior officials who were, apparently, gossiping. 

     Knowing this, I realized that ‘you know what? this? this is ultimately the fault of Heaven because  e v e r y t h i n g  is related to Heaven in some way. Fuck Heaven' . 

     And then there were the bombs, in the form of the first snow day in Heaven. It was a lovely sight, with tiny crystals of ice falling from above and the ever-growing horror of the gods as they realized the snowflakes exploded. 

     Added up, the destructiveness of these snowflakes was... somewhere between a tornado and a nuclear bomb, in the mortal realm, but this was Heaven. They would be just fine . 

- 

     The hearing was ended early, thanks to my stunts with the snowflakes. They should be grateful, really. Who likes  meetings? 

     The ‘rescue’ was still happening, unfortunately. How very sad. I was planning to take this opportunity to stage a break-in to ghost city. What a shame. Now that taizi-dianxia was going with the Wind Master, I could only wait for the good news. 

     I technically could  go break him out, but with my luck I would end up bumping into them on the way. 

     I guess I could... check on my ashes? They were with brother, right? Well, actually on his island but still.

Notes:

~EDIT: okay so I just wrote an extra about the three-day-journey and it's now the second fic in the series- which I also just created. there's no actual need to read it it's just there.

Chapter 13: cadavera pisces

Summary:

There are lots of fish in the background.

Notes:

~fun fact! the chapter name means something along the lines of 'fish carcass'

     Ashes were the only way to destroy a ghost. I knew it, the gods knew it, every child who’d ever listened to this world’s twisted versions of ‘fairytales’ knew it. I still forgot about it. 

     In my defense, brother  was the one who had them, and he wouldn’t randomly start destroying my ashes. At least, I was pretty sure.  

     I was 95% sure they were in some dark corner of his lair in the middle of the black water seas anyways, and no one but brother- and maybe Hua Cheng, for their meetings- went there. 

     The ashes were safer there than anywhere I would’ve put it, so it’s fine.  I hope. Actually, maybe I should visit them, just in case.

- 

     Relying on my innate connection to the remains of my mortal body, I made my way to brother's island full of ghost fish.  

     It was, predictably, devoid of anything vaguely human. There were lots of fish, though. 

     Frankly I’m slightly concerned about his security. None of the fish even noticed me. 

     I did not float over in a coffin. I refused to get in coffins on principle, because those are Plot Devices and those never lead to anything good. Never .  

     In a sudden burst of inspiration, I’d decided that imitating the Bible was the way to go, because as a ghost the only thing that gives me physical form is me. You don’t see ghost fires swimming, and neither would I. 

     I decreased my tangibility until it was barely existent, set my mass to that of the air right above sea level, and walked -or actually, floated - all the way there. 

     It took a while, but it was worth not having to rob a morgue. On the plus side, the physical stamina of a ghost was practically infinity, so there was no need for rest. 

     I’m beginning to suspect the only reason Hua Cheng was in the coffin with Xie Lian was being in a coffin with Xie Lian , instead of the whole ‘you need coffin wood to cross the black water seas’ thing. 

     Did gods have physical bodies? All the time? Ascension is basically being ripped off the face of the earth and through the atmosphere and several other ‘spheres and possibly spacetime into what was the equivalent of outer space or a different plane of reality, and I fail to see how physical bodies survive that. 

     Whenever they descend it’s the same trip but the other way, and I’m beginning to think the only reason the gods even had  bodies was because they expected to. 

- 

     I seemed to have an affinity with brother’s fish. And his dragons. Where did he get fucking dragons . How did he get dragons. Did he just play jigsaw with pieces of fish skeleton until he got dragons ? 

     Granted, they were bone dragons and not living organisms, but those were dragons . 

     I didn’t even know he had dragons. I don’t think this was in the novels. Was it? I thought he only had fish . 

     Did dragons even exist in this world? I don't think they were mentioned in the novels. Did they use to live here but some extinction event just wiped them off the map? Were they the equivalent of dinosaurs but magic?

Chapter 14: when you fucked up and you know it (clap your hands)

     Building a mansion on an island in the middle of the ocean would be impressive, but there were fucking dragons here- and it was probably built with Hua Cheng’s money and Hua Cheng’s workers and not brother himself.  

     How he accumulated such a large debt in the novels suddenly became clear to me.  

-  

     As I broke in brother’s house like a particularly well-intentioned robber, something was off.  

     There was this odd feeling that I had messed something up enough that a major plot point had changed.  

     Unfortunately, this premonition did not do me the favor of telling me what changed, just that something did, thus doing nothing but being useless.  

     It was more useless than knowing how to fix a microwave when microwaves didn’t exist here. Which is a purely hypothetical example, because I did not know how to fix a microwave. Fairly certain some of the people I knew from Before did, just not me.  

-  

     You know what? It was worse than useless. The damned feeling was driving up the walls and now I was paranoid enough to almost screech constant vigilance! when a bone fish bumped into me like I was a bad rip-off of Mad-eye Moody. Fuck .  

     Especially when I opened a door and realized what I changed.  

-  

     Wasn’t brother supposed to be at fucking gHOSt cITy?!  

     Wait, nevermind , it’s an illusion.  

     Wait. It’s. It’s an illusion array shit shit shit get out of there right now-  

     Shit.  

     (there were more traps)  

-  

     Don’t you just love it when you get caught by your brother’s traps, when you were the one who gave them the ideas in the first place?  

-  

     “Gege, gege ! What’d you do if you had magic?”  

     “I don’t know, meimei . What would I do?” Brother was teasing me. I could tell. I always could.  

     Brother can be a bit of an ass sometimes.  

     “ Hmmmm .... oh! I know! Gege would make illusion traps. The best illusion traps.”  

     “ Meimei , what’s that?”  

     Uh. Shit.  

     Well, there goes my normal- ish child persona. Again.  

     “They’re like- like- when you draw on the floor and then do magic and the floor lights up and-”  

     (I spent the rest of the afternoon explaining illusion arrays. Sort of. I tried.)  

-  

     “Gege, what will you do when you grow up?”  

     Gege laughed.  

     “Don’t you know already? Gege is going to make magic for meimei - like a- shuang's illusions, of course!”  

     “ Really ? You will?”  

     In hindsight, it might not have been the greatest idea to discuss the nature of illusions and reality with the future ghost king. But needs must, after all- I was bored.  

-  

     The good news was, I got out of the illusion trap. The bad news is, there’s an alert system. An alert system I may also have given gege the ideas for. And so I was caught. I shall never escape this shame. The only way out is death, and you can’t die twice. 

-  

     The halls of the manor were unexpectedly not dark and gloomy like brother’s rumored personality. It was just... a normal house. That was located in a creepy haunted island, but normal( ish ) nonetheless.  

     The halls were made of a wood that I’d never seen before- well, at least not in plank form. It was clearly well suited to the damp environment of the isle- the humidity here was off the charts, but there wasn’t any mold growing. The whole place seemed quite clean.  

     I wondered why. Gege never did seem like the sort to do that for somewhere he didn’t stay at all that much. The neat-freak of the family was me, not him.  

     I put aside my irrelevant musings on the cleanliness of brother's floors as I arrived in front of the room that held my cremated remains.  

Chapter 15: whoops my hand slipped

Summary:

Even MORE secret identities.

Notes:

~i have a thing for identity shenanigans can u tell?

      There is a certain feeling you get when you're entirely aware of why exactly you are in a Situation and it's because of yourself. Like now.

-

     To elaborate: there are three thousand spikes in a pit. They are sharp. And possibly poisonous. While it had no real effect on myself as I was, in fact, dead- it was very painful and very humiliating. As the one who conveyed this idea to the creator of said pit, I refuse to take responsibility. Fuck no.

     I was now in a Situation.

• fact one about the Situation: I was in a Pit.
• fact two about the Situation: the Pit was full of spikes. Three thousand, to be exact. I know because I counted them. All of them. One by one.
• fact three about the Situation: I was now waiting for rescue because of spiritual energy restrictions in the Pit.
• fact four about the situation: it's awkward.

     I would've just removed the pain sensors, but that would lead to more Situations, so I just numbed them. Yay.

-

     I was still in the Pit.

-

     Hindsight is 20/20. Fuck my life. Unlife. Whatever. My stupid blabbering mouth was going to be the death of me. I'm changing my communication array password to all hail the idiots. Fuck. Seriously, fuck.

     This was not how I pictured this family reunion going.

-

     First off, there was my brother. He Xuan, Hei Shui Chen Zhou, whatever. Then there was Hua Cheng, the great asshole that he is in all his glory, cackling at my misfortune. They were followed by the Wind Master, who was clearly in shock at the unexpected turn of events.

     Brother had blown his cover early.

-

     The Wind Master was apparently of more import than I was at the moment. The two devastations were dragging them to the pit. Which I was in. Which I had refrained from forcing my way out of because this was brother's house and he probably wouldn't appreciate it being blown up. Which was the reason I was picking out splinters from my ass.

     That pit. The Pit.

     That is, the pit I was in. That I was sitting in while picking splinters off myself.

     Brother is never going to let me live this down. Ever. He can't find out. I made my decision.

-

     "Hello? Is someone finally here?" Said I, as I altered several key aspects of my appearance. This was going to come bite me in the ass later, I knew it would. "I've been in here for fucking hours."

     At least no one would suspect the very male, very different looking person in the pit to be... any of my accumulated false identies? I suppose. Except maybe as the mental patient who likes explosions...

     Secret identity shenanigans were surprisingly fun while they lasted, huh?

Chapter 16: a collection of memories: a-jing

Summary:

A strange encounter on the road.

Notes:

~timeline who? timeline where? i don't know her
~the names of the places are all made up. the "eruption of mt.tonglu" here means the day she got out of the volcano as a devastation

---a collection of memories: the journeys of a-jing and a-shuang---

-year one hundred fifty-three after the eruption of mt.tonglu, on the road-

     The child- no, the being was standing under the shade of the trees. He-she- they were... rather obviously not human. Well, obvious for me, anyway. And since we were the only ones here, my perspective was the only one that counted.

    "Hello. You're a strange one, aren't you?" They tilted their head. Their hair was gold. Like sunlight through honey and... something else. Their mouth didn't move.

     "I guess I am! What do I call you?" I had suspicions, but better safe than sorry, right?

     "What do you think I should be called?" The being's robes shifted, brushing against the grass. The robes were grey. I noticed they didn't have any seams.

     "Jing[1]. A-jing."

     The being smiled.

-year one hundred fifty-four after the eruption of mt.tonglu, the sifang forest-

     "You know, a-jing, you're really bad at being human." I sighed as they made a sapling grow into a behemoth that looked as if it'd been growing there for hundreds of years. A-jing laughed.

     "Why should I pretend? And there's no one here to see what we're up to. I can do what I want." Their eyes had a mischievous light to them. Woe is the surrounding scenery.

     At least they were better than when we first met. A-jing had seemed much more inhuman back then compared to now. I must've rubbed off on them.

     Progress on my personal mission to make friends with them.

    A-jing had probably never planned on staying with me when they came, but I had refused to let such a good opportunity go. Traveling gets really boring sometimes. A companion was the perfect solution.

     No matter whom or what that companion might be.

-year one-hundred fifty-four after the eruption of mt.tonglu, wuming mountain-

     "A-jing, why are you here?"

     They froze.

     "Do you want me to leave?" A-jing's voice echoed in my mind. They were evidently upset about my question. In my defense, I didn't actually mean to insinuate anything.

     "No. I was just curious." It was true. I'd grown used to a-jing's company on the road. I would miss them if they left.

     It was evident by the way their voice had changed back to normal- even if they still didn't turn around to face me- when they replied that their emotions were less... volatile. A year ago, I wouldn't have thought they could have emotions.

     "Then I was just curious too."

     The rest went unsaid.

     (it was probably a good thing they didn't turn around. Good for me. I'd seen the way their- no. Out of sight, out of mind.

     A-jing was my friend, first and foremost. Whoever and whatever else they were was not my concern)

     (still, I wondered what I might have seen if they were facing me)

-year one hundred fifty-five after the eruption of mt.tonglu, caihong city-

     A-jing was still sulking.

     "Why did we have to do that?" They asked for the fifth time.

     "Alright, alright- I'm sorry, okay?" I tried to stifle my giggles. Apparently, even a-jing could get flustered from all that attention.

     We'd been visiting one of the larger cities and bumped into a bit of trouble. Long story short, it ended in some of the nice pleasure house workers[2] taking us 'poor little children' in for a night. They even told us that we could come back anytime.

     A-jing had wanted to just leave the city, but I insisted that we stay for another week. Hence their little tantrum.

     They were honestly had some of the loveliest souls I'd ever seen. A-jing agreed, but was too embarrassed to say anything right now. I could still tell that they shared my opinion. Or it was all my imagination and I was going crazy.

     I poked them on the forehead.

     "Come on, a-jing. Don't be mad at me again." I resorted to whining. Not that it would do anything other than piss them off even more.

     "Hmph." They turned away and stalked in the opposite direction.

     "Wait! A-jing, where are you going? Are you actually going to- wait, wait! A-jing, you're going too fast! I'm not Sun Wukong![3] I can't travel ten million eight thousand li in one moment![4]"

Notes:

[1] the jing here stands for the character 径
[2] 妓女， women trained in song, dance, etc. basically performers who occasionally slept with men (?) to the best of my knowledge. look this is confusing for me too *cries* if you want accurate information then look it up yourself i can't help you here.
[3] the monkey king. character in journey to the west
[4] another journey to the west reference. sun wukong was able to traverse yi wan ba qian li in a moment using a technique taught to him by his first shifu

~tbh i don't know if a-jing will ever appear again but eh
~any guesses on who a-jing is? or what a-jing is?
~confession time: i also am not sure who a-jing is lmao

Chapter 17: a collection of memories: springs

Summary:

Something happens.

-year 156 after tonglu, qingjing shān-

     "A-jing," I wail, scrambling on the rocky trail like the idiot I am, "Wait. Please-"

     Predictably, they do not look back.

     "I'm sORRY!"

-a few hours, give or take, later-

    "A-jing, I have an idea- no, don't look at me like that, I swear it won't be like that time really-"

     "No."

     "A-jing, come on- no, wait, don't hit me! A-jing!"

-156 years after tonglu, qingjing shān jiâo, inn-

     "A-jing, do you want to be Zhū Bājiè?[1] Do you? Why are you eating so much?"

     The waiter and several tables of customers stared in horrified fascination at us. Probably because the amount of food a-jing was consuming was physically impossible. I'm pretty sure they just ate their weight in food and then some.

     "...a-jing, do you not know that that's-" impossible "-a bit too much food for one meal?"

     They kept eating. Oh well.

     "Alright then, Zhū Bājiè."

     (A few moments later, I heard them mumble a "Shut up, stupid monkey" and stifled a laugh)

-157 years after tonglu, huáng quán[2]-

     I blink, and I'm somewhere else.

     Clear pools before me. Waters bubbling up from a spring. 

     The light reflected on the water made it look like rainbows. It looked like paradise.

     "This place is beautiful, a-jing. Look! The water is-" I looked around. The waters of the spring bubbled, the clearing full of strange and wonderful things- and a-jing was gone. "What the fuck."

     There were also ghosts.

     No, they were spirits. Ghosts who have passed on, clear of resentment- which meant this. This. Was. The. Yellow. Springs.

     The yellow springs. The realm of the departed. The underworld.

     I looked again. The clear pools were gone, and in their place black stone. Before me stood a city. The walls were of the same stone as the ground I stood on, the gates of a strange metal. Between the sky of this realm and the expanse of black stone flowed a river.

     The flowing river hung suspended in midair, the currents of not-water reflecting light from nowhere.

     The not-moon was red. It reminded me of something.

     Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw a flash of gold. A-jing. I spun around, ready to call out-

     That wasn't a-jing. That was the being I saw under the tree, four years ago. Sì, Sî.[3] Did that mean something?

     Again, I wondered: what were they?

     The being turned to me. Their edges seemed to flicker, and dimesions came and went in a blink of an eye. I don't blink.

     They gestured at me to come over. I think.

     I followed them to the gates of twisted metal. Up close, I could see my reflection. It wasn't mine. Or maybe it was. Not-me stared back.

Notes:

[1] a character from journey to the west. formerly tiān péng yuán shuài, now a humanoid pig
[2] the yellow springs
[3]okay so 4 is pronounced sì in chinese, and it sounds similar to death/die which is sî (the tone here is upside down)

~ i am aware my descriptions are inaccurate but whatever. if you want to know more about the yellow springs, look it up on wikipedia or something sorry
~ look i literally have no idea where this came from it just??? just randomly happened and i went with it

Chapter 18: a collection of memories: dì yù

Notes:

~at this point im just smashing different legends together lmao
~this is what she gets up to when not blowing up heaven

diyu[1]

     If you looked closely at the river, you would see things. It's best not to.

     There were no guardsmen at the gates of dìyù. There was no need for guards. Who could possibly hope to cause trouble in the land of the dead? Well, except for me, I suppose.

     I eyed the alleyways made of black stone and metal, like everything here seemed to be.

     "No," they said, and they were a-jing again "you are not causing any trouble before we get this over with. Honestly..."

     They trailed off into mumbles profanities. Clearly the markets had rubbed off on them, if they were swearing like that.

     "Get what over with, a-jing?"

     "This," They said, glaring darkly at the river of not-water.

-

     The souls crowded around the bridge. In the center, mèngpó[2] with her ladle and bowl. Behind her, six paths.

     (above, a void. below, endless fields of stone. in between, a river and a bridge. light, from nowhere. a city, empty)

     I stumbled.

     Fell on my face.

     Damn it.

     I hear a-jing sigh, and they say: "Go."

-

     I blinked. The light of the sun stung my eyes. I could hear the birds and the beasts and wind in the trees.

     I was back.

Notes:

[1] the underworld. hell.
[2] this old lady who gives you soup to forget before you reincarnate. chinese mythology

~what the fuck is this chapter idk help me
~ i WILL get back to the plot soon i swear just bear with me here
~ is this something that will become relevant later? how the fuck should i know

Chapter 19: back to the present

Notes:

~wtf is a timeline i don't fucking know anymore
~we're back to the actual plot finally

     In the situation in which you find yourself starting your reunion with your brother on the wrong foot, running away is a terrible choice. Lying about your identity and your purpose in breaking into his house it worse.

     In other words, I was fucked.

     At least they won't horribly maim a child? Yeah, no.

-

     "Well, this is awkward." Said I, making things worse instantaneously. To be fair, if I were carrying out my long awaited revenge on the one who killed my family- oh wait! I never got to do that! Guess fucking why.

     Because I was too busy looking for He Xuan's sorry ass! Tada! Look at my perfectly reasonable, not hysterical or panicked at all thoughts!

     I was now an average looking... teenager? I have no concept of how people are supposed to look at each age. Whatever. I have better things to worry about.

     And all of the sudden brother was down in the pit hissing in my face. Like a cat. Haha. You know, this would be more funny if I wasn't in the middle of a panic attack.

     "How did you get here," he snarled, dropping the Wind- Shi Qingxuan, he wasn't going to be Wind Master for much longer, I think- dropping Shi Qingxuan like a sack of rocks. Not potatoes. You don't drop potatoes, because they're food and they might get stolen.

     I immediately said the first thing on my mind, like an idiot.

     My brother stared at the idiot who called Black Water rude to his face. This must've been a new experience for him.

     Meanwhile, Hua Cheng- who was probably supposed to be somewhere else right now, wasn't he?- did absolutely nothing to interfere in our staredown. An amazing feat for someone who stole kites from a twelve year old.

     They had been good kites. I liked them. Bastard. So fucking mean to children, too. Even the weird uncle who sold chopped tentacles at the seaside was nicer to children.

     Brother hissed at me again. Here, kitty kitty. Fuck, my brain is weird. Ugh.

     Teenagers are moody, right? Y'know, with puberty and teenage rebellion and all. So I should be... an ass? That sounds about right.

     I hissed back. Flicked out my forked tongue, for good measure. Being a snake yao[1] would make more sense than human here. The pointed ears were also something I was quite proud of.

     And no, this wasn't a disguise. This was top-notch shapeshifting technique. Beat that, Hua Cheng. Ha.

     So now I was a snake yao.

     And brother was a ghost.

     What a strange family we are.

-

     I was pretty sure Hua Cheng knew who I was.

     No, scratch that- he definitely knew who I was. Who I actually was was an entire other problem, one which was best ignored- with all the confusion about it I had myself.

     Well, it's not like I tried that hard to hide it from him.

     (I wonder when I started changing from innocent bystander to fucker who fucks with people just because they can, honestly)

     My brother, by the virtue of not meeting any of my various other forms, did not.

     This was... okay. Fine. Everything is fine. It's not like I was hoping that my fucking brother would recognize me or anything-

     Wait. Stop. Calm down. Now is not the time.

     (the plot is still in progress. Jun Wu was still scheming. It's not safe notsafenOtSAfE-)

     Keep acting until you can't, and then some more.

-

     The rooms in brother's manor were dark and gloomy- like his personality after we died. On the plus side, there were lots of blankets. There was also no bed. In short, this was a blanket storage room.

     Why he even had a blanket storage room was a question for another day.

Notes:

[1] okay so yao is part of yao mo gui guai and they're all kind of similar meanings. It's confusing. I'm using yao here because it sounds better :) don't think too much about it

~was that some PLOT we had there? maaaaayyyyyybe
~wtf is even going on here aaaAAAA help me pls

Chapter 20: counting nothing

Summary:

In the Black Water Manor.

Notes:

enjoy the not-a-real-chapter :P

One, two, three.

One two three.

Onetwothree.

I was counting.

OnETwoThREe.

So bored. Ugh.

Four. Five. Six. Seven eight. NineTeN.

Eleven.

This was driving me insane.

Twelve.

I was starting to regret the form I shifted into. Snakes were cold-blooded. I was cold. Dammit. How come I didn't remember He Xuan being this much of an ass before? Oh wait. I do. Nevermind.

It could have been worse. I wasn't being tortured or anything, although this was probably worse. I'd take actual torture over this any day. It's not like I can even feel pain anymore.

What's the point of torture here anyways? Clearly all of them were masochists if they chose to have nerve endings send the sensation of pain up to their brains. Or maybe they were just stupid. They were probably the latter.

Everyone here was so stupid.

ThirTeEnfourteENFIFteEn.

This is stupid. I'm stupid.

Damn my impulse decisions. Stupid things landed me in situations like this all the time. I still hadn't learnt my lesson.

Sixteen.

What was I even counting?

Chapter 21: vastitas

Summary:

In which things take a turn for the worse- in a-shuang's head, and in reality.

Notes:

~hahahAHA fuck

|Knock, knock|

Who's there?

|It's me, of course. Your worst nightmare  no one is here|

Then why are you knocking?

|No one is knocking, a-shuang|

The door opens.

I wake up.

It's dark.

See, this is why I don't like sleeping.

The dreams.

(the venerable of empty words knocking on my door every time- it's always variations of the same dream)

Happy thoughts, a-shuang.

Keep calm. Don't panic. Breathe through the pain.

One, two, three.

There's someone knocking on the door now.

It's the Win- Shi Qingxuan.

It was done for him- but it's not his fault. Not really.

He's not in chains, which was better than I expected. Instead, he- she right now- was left to wander about in the manor.

She can't leave. Everyone knows she can't escape.

Shi Qingxuan was just as much a prisoner as I was.

A prisoner in my brother's house. No, calm down- he doesn't know it's you, remember?

Sit still. Breathe. Don't panic.

"Hello," I said, to the person who stole He Xuan's fate, and smile.

She smiles back at me, though I can tell that's she probably wants to cry instead.

(the thing is, I knew I could tell He Xuan who I was. I knew he would believe me. But I was a coward.

A coward who hid even though he was grieving over someone who wasn't really gone, and never came to find him.

Had I ever really tried? No, all I did was make excuses.

Coward, coward, coward. You know what you did)

"Hello," she says. Her voice is warm. One glance, and I could tell she was probably the most genuine person in heaven. Used to be. "Are you also a prisoner here?"

A pointless question. Of course I was.

(although I didn't have to be- but I was still a coward. This fear was irrational. I knew that. But still...)

I nod.

-

The wind was cold and honestly quite close to freezing my face off. Not that it could. Because I was, you know, dead. Incorporeal. Many-dimensioned. Other adjectives.

I politely pretended not to notice Shi Qingxuan crying.

They really didn't deserve to be implicated in this. She hadn't known anything, after all- though I had to admit I was the tiniest bit pissed off at her as well.

Emotions don't make sense.

Emotions, like me feeling angry and the slightest bit betrayed at brother not recognizing me at first sight despite, well, everything.

Despite the fact that I was a coward and never told him who I was. Despite the fact that he spent centuries mourning for someone who wasn't dead.

Coward.

The sand crunched under my feet, coral and bones and who knew what else.

"You're not really a snake yao, are you?"

Ah. There it came. Just what I was waiting for.

"No."

Shi Qingxuan smiled faintly. It looked more like a grimace. "Are you not going to ask how I knew?"

"Anyone with eyes could see through this. Shapeshifting isn't that rare, even if it's not one of Crimson Rain's tricks."

"M- Hei Shui Chen Zhou didn't notice. Are you saying he doesn't have eyes?" She giggled. What an optimistic person. That, or she compartmentalized very well.

"There's something called being willfully blind." I turned around, and started walking back towards the manor. I had gotten tired of the seascape- it was really quite boring. Just black waters, bone creatures, and the occasional sinking ship on the horizon. "I'll treat jiejie to tea next time, okay? The teahouse at Yu Jun mountain?"

I didn't have to look back to know the look she must've had on her face. If this world had anime physics, her jaw would have dropped to the floor by now.

I heard a yelp behind me, and looked back to see Shi Qingxuan almost fall flat on her face. She swore rather ungracefully.

I laughed under my breath.

-

|No one is knocking, a-shuang|

Liar. You're lying. Stop it.

Stop lying.

Liar, liar.

StOp LyINg tO mE!

|Who says I'm lying?|

You are! I know you are!

|No one else does. You're alone here, a-shuang. No one will help you.|

The shadows in the cage move. 

I can't stay here anymore. I have to leave. I have to.

Leave.

Wake up.

-

I hate these dreams.

They won't go away. They're always there, whenever I go to sleep. Every single time, these dreams come back again and again and again and again and-

The dreams have followed me from TongLu to Heaven to Earth to Hell to-

In a way, they're my closest companions. Comrades who have never abandoned me and probably never will.

I wish they would.

I just want them to leave.

I just want to sleep without the nightmares.

Is that so much to ask? 

Notes:

~don't hate me too much for this arc ;P

Chapter 22: fuck fuck fuck fuckityfuckfuckshit - a-shuang, at some point

The door to my prison cell slammed open.

If I hadn't run out of fucks to give sometime during my travels, I would have been scared.

Being real is really hard. Really really really. Really.

Words.

I think I might be a little bit not right in the head.

"...ey. Wake up."

What?

"Who are you. Answer me."

...maybe later.

"No, not maybe later. Tell me why you're here now."

"...I was speaking out loud?" Maybe I really was losing it.

Wait. He Xuan?

"Yes."

-

Let me tell you something you might not know yet.

I am, in essence, a very flawed person. I often disassociate. I hold little to no regard for human life. I genuinely do not give a shit about saving the world or preventing catastrophe, as long as those I care for are safe.

There are few that I care for.

More important at this moment was that I have an unfortunate tendency to avoid my problems.

This has not changed over the course of my life(and death)time.

I had never allowed myself to truly consider the fact that He Xuan may not remember me, or that he may not believe my words.

I ignored the possibility that he might see through my disguise completely- after all, even I wasn't sure what truly laid beneath.

(I am selfish.

I miss my childhood and my previous life, yet now having had a taste of power I would not go back. I would not change things and risk losing what I have now.

I regret that the deaths of my parents in this life was necessary, but I do not regret letting it happen.

They must have entered the cycle of reincarnation already, must have lived and died again and again and again)

(When I came back to the village to our corpses- I was furious and grieving for us, for our family, but I was also relieved.

At that moment, I thought thank everything that at this hasn't changed.

I thought I know what will happen and that gives me an advantage-

I know what I have to do now.

)

-

...I have never considered this might happen.

What do I do now?

From getting caught in the pit till now, everything had caught me by surprise, and not in a good way.

Notes:

a-shuang also tends to lie to herself, in case everyone hasn't noticed

Chapter 23: a collection of memories: those who remain

Summary:

the new deities may watch from heavens above, but old gods and ageless legends still walk the earth

or

a-shuang meets new(old) people

Notes:

it has been a while! haha..ha....haha???

i am so sorry

(also if there are typos it's because my brain if fried rn just... ignore them until i'm coherent)

He Shuang sees her at dawn, when the fire-bright reds and the golden-oranges peek through the clouds. The light looks like gems, iridescent and sparkling, and for a moment she can almost see the pieces jagged stone making up the sky.

 

She is dressed in blue-and-gold, and she almost looks like the sky. But she could never blend in, never. Her presence is powerful in the way that makes you feel protected, in the way that you are safe safe safe but also in the way of this is not someone to anger.

 

“Hello, little one,” she says, and He Shuang is terrified and awed and oh-

“Hel...lo?”

The woman simply nods at her, and when A-Shuang blinks again she’s gone.

Well, that was an... experience.

-

The old man pushes his load of stone down the dirt and pebble road.

“Hey!” He calls down to them, and A-Shuang looks up.

“Hey,” A-Shuang yells back.

The old man, she notices, is dressed in the old but well cared for clothes of a farmer. Browns and greys that blend in with the dusty mountain roads he travels on.

She end up helping the old man move his rocks. They work for the rest of the afternoon, through the blistering- she thinks, it isn’t like she really needs to feel it anymore, if she doesn’t want to- sun. A-Shuang stays for well over a month. She likes the work. It’s simple, if tedious, and she doesn’t need to think when she’s with him.

(it’s... nice, and she misses grandpa)

At the dusk of the final day, they share a meal over the fire and she bids him farewell.

(the next day, the old man is still there while she is once again on the road, and she watches him tirelessly move the great boulders of the mountain bit by bit)

-

There is a beast in the forest.

It rips through the undergrowth, hungry, starving, and looking for food.

A-Shuang leaves it for another day.

-

The couple tends to their fields together.

A-Shuang had been caught by a rainstorm, and the couple had taken pity and sheltered the poor child they found in the rain.

The husband had started a stew while the wife had taken her to dry off, and they had shared a lunch together.

The rain lasted for days- it was, after all, rain season. A-Shuang had sat in awkward silence the first afternoon, before the husband had struck up a conversation with her. They settled into a more comfortable silence after dinner.

After the rain drizzled away, she’d stayed for a morning in the woods nearby to pick a basket of edible mushrooms to bring them. They’d sent her off with a new cloak, which really was way too much for the meager food she’d brought back.

-

A-Shuang treads softly through the ruins of what was once a  grand palace.

A ghost stands there, yards of white silk wrapped around her neck, golden pins in her hair and flowers by her feet.

the emperor sought a maiden fair, years pass seeing neither hide nor hair.

a lady born just come to age, hidden away from all the world’s stage.

those with fortune fate declared, by the emperors side soon she fared.

looking back with smile like flowers in bloom, casting all others in shadowy gloom.  

yet army demanded her guilt to bear, he hung her at the foot of hillocks fair.[1]

She knows who this is, a tale from a life half-remembered after centuries of another. Evidently, enough of the legends hold true in this world.

The shade is beautiful, and sad. She watches A-Shuang with a distant curiosity but makes no move to approach. Fair enough.

A-Shuang walks away, and does not look back.

Notes:

[1] the first four lines and then another from 《长恨歌》, a poem detailing the tale of the emperor and his concubine yang. translation by me because reasons.

anyone know what the legends are?

Chapter 24: hiatus notice

Summary:

incredibly late hiatus notice coming to you this march 2024

hey guys!

so it has been... several years... but I am here! with a hiatus announcement. the reason? i really just don't know where to go with this story anymore. despite trying to write, i can't do it for this fic. i've been working on ideas for a rewrite, but that will, realistically, be a long time coming. so for the foreseeable future, there will not be any content added to this 'verse. 

that said, if you enjoyed this story, i have just de-anonymized this series and published a new fic on my account. it's also set in tgcf and centered on an original character, and also crack. it's called 'as midnight blooms into the dawn'. go ahead and read, if you feel like it.

thank you for all your support, truly. reading all your comments and kudos and seeing how many people enjoyed this has made my life infinitely happier.

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 1 of infortunatus animarum