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The gun glinted in the sickly green moonlight as it turned to threaten her father’s life, but this time, with her arms spread wide, she stood in front of him, ready to protect him. Her eyes shut of their own accord, fear overtaking them no matter how brave she thought she was. The gunshot left her ears ringing, ringing, ringing, and she waited for the brunt of the blow to make her stagger, but it never came.
She opened her eyes and turned to see her father falling once again, clutching his chest and gritting his teeth. His head fell into her lap as she dropped to her knees. Instinctively her hands began to apply pressure to the wound, but her mind already knew it was too late. She had failed in her life goal. He was gone, and now his blood stained her skin.
“Why?” A familiar voice surprised her. Her heavy eyes lifted to see Yukari standing before her, her face soaked with tears. She gestured to the man in her lap. “Mitsuru, why?”
Mitsuru glanced down and immediately recoiled. The man she had been holding was no longer her father. It was Eiichiro Takeba… or it once was. Now he was a pummeled corpse, so torn to pieces that his blood covered her from head to toe. Her breaths came out ragged as she stared at her red hands, Yukari’s sobs sounding more and more like they were underwater until they boomed in her ears, making her head throb until she opened her mouth to let out a silent scream.
She shot straight up as well as she could. The sheets were tangled and stuck to her because of how she was covered in cold sweat, so she kicked them off in annoyance when the motion brought the throb, throb, throb of her head to her attention. With a groan, Mitsuru swung her legs over the side of the bed and switched on the lamp, rubbing her temples. Her digital clock read 2:14. She needed a painkiller and a glass of water.
As she walked across the room to fetch some medicine, her eyes wandered to her reflection in the vanity mirror. Her auburn hair was a mess, tangled and sticking up all over the place, and her eyes were red and tired. She wore a t-shirt from Wild Duck Burger Yukari had bought her one day as a joke, and while she laughed when she received it, it was secretly her favorite thing to sleep in now. If only it still smelled like her friend…
Ugh. In a huff, she blew her hair out of her eyes, as if she were clearing her mind of her and that dream. Would it work? Most certainly not. She could take a walk down to the kitchen. That might help.
Mitsuru stepped into her slippers after grabbing a couple of pain pills and slipped out the door, closing it gently behind her so as not to wake the girls. Turning on her heel, she—
She let out a strangled cry of terror as something tripped her in the dark. With a scowl, she picked up one of Koromaru’s toys, a tall, yellow chicken. He must have been chewing on it outside her door after she went to bed.
Tossing it over by the tables to prevent anyone else from suffering the same fate, she glanced back down the third floor hallway. No light could be seen from under any door but Fuuka’s. Mitsuru sighed to herself and hoped this wouldn’t hurt her sleep schedule or her grades. At least Yukari was asleep with how seriously she took school. She liked that about her.
To shove thoughts of Yukari from her head once again, she continued her adventure down the stairs but hesitated on the second floor. Akihiko probably wouldn’t mind a quick visit, and she needed a hug…. but he was also definitely asleep. And she wasn’t wearing pants.
As her eyes swept across the hallway, they stopped on Shinji’s door. If he were here, he’d tell her to toughen up but squeeze her tight anyway. The thought of it made her chest tighten and her eyes well up with tears, so she ran down the stairs as fast as she could.
It didn’t take her long to reach the kitchen and get out a glass. She filled it from the tap and took her headache pills, turning up the glass to finish off the—
“Senpai?”
In surprise, Mitsuru choked and splashed herself in the face, dropping the cup onto the counter. Her friend darted up next to her.
“Oh! Oh no!” Yukari was trying to sound concerned, but Mitsuru could tell she was really struggling not to laugh. Once she was done coughing, she grabbed the glass to make sure it wasn’t broken and turned to face her.
“Hello, Yukari,” she croaked. “Do you need something?” She held her shoulders back and feigned control, her arms crossed.
“Um, no.” Yukari eyed her carefully. “I heard you yell upstairs and wanted to see if you were okay.” Her gaze drifted up and down her body.
Suddenly her bare legs felt very, very cold. It was a chilly winter night, but there was enough heating in the dorm that she hadn’t noticed it before. Now she was very aware.
“I appreciate your concern, but I’m alright. I’m sorry for waking you up.” She glanced to the side to avoid eye contact.
“Oh, you didn’t actually, so it’s fine! Hey, are you wearing the Wuck shirt I bought you?” She pulled on her arms to see the design. “Aw, it looks so cute on you!”
Mitsuru tried. She tried so hard not to let her heart skip a beat or her cheeks to flush. Yukari didn’t mean it that way. It was friendly! It didn’t help that she was thinking Yukari was adorable in her pink pajamas as well.
“Senpai, I’m not making fun of you,” Yukari cocked her head. “You look really sad. Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I—“
Yukari wrapped her arms around her, but she was gone much too soon for Mitsuru to reciprocate.
“I, um… I have a headache.” It wasn’t a lie, but it also wasn’t the whole truth. “I feel much better now that…” Now that you’re here? Was she really about to say that?
Yukari scoffed. “You know I can tell when you’re lying, right? But I do know a trick to help with that. Give me your hand, okay?” She held out her hand to Mitsuru.
Hesitantly, she offered hers in return, palm up. Yukari grabbed it and pressed her fingers into the fatty part of her thumb, immediately making Mitsuru wince, but she didn’t pull away. This was a lot of touch, and it was making her stomach flutter all too much.
“Sorry, I know it hurts. Head any better?” Yukari looked up at her with such a sweet look, her brown eyes so warm and inviting with soft, feminine lashes, that Mitsuru’s breath caught in her throat.
“Yes, Yukari. Thank you,” she whispered in awe. It was much too late at night to be talking to her longtime crush, and she was feeling way too vulnerable. She started to pull her hand away, but Yukari only tightened her grip.
“We’re having a girls’ night in Fuuka’s room if you wanna come. I was gonna invite you earlier, but you went to bed before I said anything,” she explained.
Mitsuru blinked in surprise. “Oh, I’m not sure. Who all does ‘we’ include?”
“Me, Fuuka, obviously, Aigis…”
It saddened her to not have been told ahead of time, but the other three probably had way more fun without her. She wasn’t the most experienced with having friends that were girls, since Akihiko and Shinji were really the only friends she ever had before S.E.E.S. expanded.
“That’s alright. Thank you for the invitation, but I think I would bring the mood down,” she said quietly and turned away, filling her glass with water once again.
Yukari stepped closer to her. “So you admit you’re not okay?” Her voice was soft but accusatory. Mitsuru never liked that.
She hummed for a moment in thought. Yukari had seemingly won their little game, as she always did. “I suppose,” she said calmly and began to walk away. There was no reason to bog Yukari down with her nightmares and loneliness.
Yukari sighed as she followed her. They walked in silence up the stairs, side by side, and Yukari pulled out her phone and tapped away quickly. When they reached the third floor, Mitsuru noticed Yamagishi and Aigis peering out her door, but they fled upon seeing her. She raised an eyebrow.
“Have fun, Yukari. I’ll see you in the morning,” she said sweetly to her, starting to turn her doorknob when Yukari grabbed her arm.
“Can I talk to you?”
Mitsuru only stared for a moment. “Yes…?”
“In private?”
“We are currently alone.”
“I meant in your room, Mitsuru-senpai,” Yukari frowned at her.
“Oh, um, yes,” Mitsuru responded before thinking about it. Yukari? In her room? Her heart felt like it might burst at any second, and her lungs were frozen in inhalation.
Yukari followed her inside, and she shut the door gently behind them. Before she could say anything, her friend was exploring her suite.
“Man, it’s so nice in here, Mitsuru-senpai! I can’t believe I’ve never been in here. You have your own bathroom?” Yukari asked incredulously.
Mitsuru sighed. “Yes, my room is… extravagant, to say the least.”
Yukari plopped down onto one of her couches. “You don’t like it?”
With her arms crossed, she gestured to her to follow to the bedroom and sat on the edge of her bed. “The bed is more comfortable. I dislike that it makes me look like I deserve more than anyone else here.”
Yukari wandered to her bedside table. “Well, you know you’re not, and no one else thinks you feel that way about yourself. Is this your mom?”
Mitsuru glanced over to notice she had picked up her parents’ wedding photo she kept. Thinking about it made her heart pang. “Yes,” she stated plainly.
“She looks beautiful. You get your good looks from her?” Yukari questioned casually while examining the picture closely.
“She was beautiful, but I’m not sure which of them I really look like. I haven’t thought much about her.” Mitsuru furrowed her brow in contemplation. Perhaps she should feel guilty for mourning her father so much but not her mother. Then again, she hardly remembered her, so there wasn’t much to mourn.
“A mix, I think,” Yukari placed it back in its spot and sat next to her. “So what’s eating you?”
She was close enough that Mitsuru could smell a sweet perfume, and it made her want to lean in and kiss her neck to see if its taste was as its scent. Her heart choker might get in the way, though. Oh God, why is she thinking about that right now? She flopped onto her back and stared at the ceiling, but Yukari quickly was in her line of sight, peeking down at her with concern.
“Come on, you can talk to me about anything. You know that,” Yukari whispered to her and poked her in the stomach.
“H-hey!” Mitsuru swatted at her hand as Yukari giggled. “How can you tell, anyway?”
Yukari scratched the back of her head. “For one, you don’t look so great. I mean, you look pretty, like you always do, but you don’t look happy. Second, you’re being really formal, which you always do when you’re trying not to be emotional.”
“Oh,” was all she could reply. Yukari didn’t say anything, so she kept going. “I had a bad dream.”
“About…?”
She took a deep breath to keep her voice steady. “My father’s death…” Mitsuru was going to continue, but Yukari dropped her head onto her chest and held her close. She was sure she could hear her quickened heartbeat. “You were there, too. A-and… your f—“
Yukari squeezed her tightly. “It’s okay. It wasn’t your fault. It never was.”
She tried to say something, but her voice broke as tears threatened to leak out of her eyes, her lip quivering. She had cried in front of Yukari before. In fact, she cried in front of all her friends, but this was different, almost intimate. She spluttered and choked back a sob and lifted a hand to her eyes to hide them.
“Okay, come here,” Yukari coaxed, sitting up and pulling Mitsuru’s head into her lap. Fingers gently combed through her hair as she broke down. “It’s alright. I’m here,” she whispered.
Mitsuru curled and buried her face in her stomach, cheeks burning with embarrassment, but she couldn’t stop the tears. She sobbed and sobbed while Yukari pet her red curls and comforted her with sweet words, Mitsuru’s hand clenching behind her back.
After some time, her tears slowed; her grip softened, and she let her head roll back gently into Yukari’s lap. Her friend’s fingers softly brushed her bangs out of her face and wiped away her tears with a gentle smile on her lips.
“Feeling any better?” She asked sweetly.
Mitsuru nodded weakly. “Thank you, Yukari. I’m sorry to cry so much when you’ve been through the same thing, but I still wish he was here. It’s… hard to know he’s gone,” she almost whimpered the last couple of words as a few tears escaped the corners of her eyes.
Yukari wiped them away again with her thumbs. “I know it’s hard, but that’s why I’m here, okay? I’ll always be here for you.”
Mitsuru smiled up at her. “Yukari…” Her expression was so soft, and her eyes seemed to twinkle with an idea. While she was looking at her from an angle, she could have sworn Yukari kept looking at her lips… and then she was coming closer… closer… closer until she received the softest, gentlest kiss she could imagine.
Wait, Yukari kissed her? Oh, she was dreaming again. Wait, no, she wasn’t. Wait, Yukari kissed her?!
Her whole face and neck felt very, very hot very, very suddenly. She sat up and touched her fingers to her lips to check… check what? If she was real? She had already established she was awake, of course she was real.
Yukari jumped back into her mind, and she looked over at her. She was just grinning like an idiot.
“You…” was all Mitsuru could stammer before the words stopped. She pointed between the two of them as if trying to show her what she was trying to ask until she felt her ears burning, too, and gave up.
“What’s wrong, Mitsuru-senpai?” Yukari teased, and Mitsuru covered her face with both hands and turned away from her. What was going on ? No way the prettiest, most charming girl in school liked her back. She was so passionate and fiery and caring in her own, irritable way, so perfect and confident; there was no way she liked her back. No way she even liked girls, let alone awkward, emotionally closed off Mitsuru Kirijo whose family caused every issue she ever had!
She cracked her fingers to peek at Yukari as she laughed at her. She laughed at her. Oh no, this wasn’t a joke, was it? Some kind of bet between her and Iori? It had to be… but what were Aigis and Yamagishi doing staring at them and hiding?
Her mind jumped back to all the time they had spent together recently. Looking at clothes she’s never considered wearable at the mall, burgers at Wuck, the flower shop, rides on her motorcycle, Kyoto. Every time they were together, one-on-one, she caught herself looking for it, hoping for it: nervous glances, accidental, electric touch, phrases that could be interpreted as more than friendly. While Mitsuru had been hopeful, she had always told herself they were only friends. Nothing more, nothing less.
Now she was just sad again. Of course Yukari Takeba didn’t like girls, let alone awkward, emotionally—
Yukari pulled her hands away from her face. “Hey, you wanna say something? You’re starting to make me nervous,” she said with a slight edge to her voice.
“That wasn’t a very funny joke,” Mitsuru mumbled as she pouted. Yukari didn’t let go of her wrists.
“Joke?” Yukari scoffed at her like earlier. “Ugh, senpai, you really take stuff the weirdest ways.”
She leaned in and pressed her lips to hers again as Mitsuru’s brain scrambled even more. When Yukari pulled away, Mitsuru only stared at her in confusion.
Yukari sighed and shook her head, her cheeks colored now. “Do I have to spell it out for you?”
Her eyebrows knit in concern, Mitsuru nodded desperately. How much more could her heart take on this rollercoaster of a night?
“Okay, look. I,” Yukari kissed her. “Like,” she kissed her again. “You!”
It took every power within her not to get up and jump around the room like an American child on Christmas morning, but it was just so unbelievable.
“You’re saying… you like me? Romantically?”
“Oh, my God. Yes, I do, and I know you like me, too, you stupid—“
Mitsuru threw herself into her arms and squeezed her as tight as she possibly could, rolling around in pure glee. Yukari laughed and hugged her back until she stopped bouncing around like a very happy jumping bean.
Yukari cupped her cheeks tenderly, but Mitsuru was the one to initiate this time, slowly and gingerly kissing her like she had wanted to for so long. There were so many things she wanted to tell her, to show her. She wanted to have someone closer than she ever had before, and in her desperation to pull Yukari closer than humanly possible, her stupid brain forced out a muffled whisper against her lips.
“I love you.”
Yukari pulled away but not roughly or in fear, just to look at her quizzically with a raised eyebrow. Mitsuru blinked back, staring at her adorable, now ruffled and ruined hair, pink cheeks, and big, brown eyes, and she didn’t know what to say.
“What did you say?” Yukari asked, the corners of her mouth curling into a sly smile. She pushed Mitsuru’s bangs out of her face again, but with a shake of her head, she put them back in place.
She stuttered over her words like she was tripping. “I, um, I said I’ve liked you for a long time.” She was chewing on her lip now, almost painfully.
“I know what you said,” Yukari playfully stated. “But thanks for the extra info!” Mitsuru turned away from her and cringed. Why couldn’t she just be as smooth as everyone seemed to think she was? “You’re so cute when you’re all worked up, Mitsuru-senpai,” she teased with a poke to the side.
Mitsuru sighed and stood up from her bed to take a sip of her water.
Yukari was playing with her hair innocently. “Did you mean it, though?”
She almost choked and dropped the glass again, but she caught herself and placed it down very carefully, taking a deep breath. “Do I ever say things I don’t mean, Yukari?”
Yukari’s laugh shook her to her core, but she couldn’t help laughing with her as she sat back down.
“Don’t worry about hurting my feelings if you don’t want to say it back. I understand that your liking me is probably recent, but I have to confess I was… captivated by you since I first saw you,” she closed her eyes and smiled as she thought back on it. “We’ve been through so much together…”
Yukari pressed into her side. “Senpai,” she pecked her cheek. “I think I love you, too.” Her voice was quiet but sincere, and Mitsuru would be lying if she said her words weren’t relieving.
Her arm seemed to wrap itself around Yukari’s waist involuntarily. “Well, I’m glad I broke off my engagement.”
“Hey! We’re not getting married yet!” Yukari lightly smacked her on the shoulder.
Mitsuru only squeezed her closer. “No? But think of the benefits, Yukari. Anything you could want, I can buy,” she chuckled.
Yukari laughed and shook her head. “You really are funny when you try to be, Mitsuru-senpai.”
“I just realized you said ‘yet.’ Tres bien!”
“Stop!” Yukari hid her face in the palm of her hand before pulling her phone out of her pocket. “Can I tell Fuuka?”
Mitsuru rested her chin in her hand as she gazed at her happily. “That we’re getting married? Of course! Everyone’s invited.”
Yukari sighed in annoyance and tapped away. She snickered when it buzzed while Mitsuru absent-mindedly looked around the room.
“What were you three doing tonight anyway?”
Yukari giggled nervously. “Oh, uh, figuring out how I should get you to fess up. We had started watching a movie when we heard you yell. I lied to you when I said I was going to invite you, sorry.” She pursed her lips and shrugged.
“Ah,” Mitsuru smiled to herself. “Well, I’m certainly too giddy to sleep for quite some time, and I do happen to have a lovely television set and enough room for four.”
Yukari jumped up and grinned in excitement. “Really?”
She nodded.
“Yes! I’ll tell them to come over right now!”
Mitsuru stood up and walked to her dresser, digging through it for some pajama pants or shorts. “Hold on, I’d like to be decent.”
“Come on, senpai. Everyone knows you’ve got great legs.” Mitsuru could practically hear the grin in her voice.
“Yu-Yukari, you’ve talked about my body with the others?” She quickly slipped on a pair of sweatpants she didn’t know she owned.
Yukari looked up from her phone with her eyes wide in surprise. “Wh- No! I didn’t mean it that way!”
Before she could explain any further, there was a knock on the door. They both moved at the same time to answer it, but Yukari pushed past her and opened the door.
“Welcome!” She exclaimed cheerfully, holding her arm out and sweeping it about the room as if it were her own.
Yamagishi darted inside, her cheeks a little warm, with a small smile on her face and a movie case in her hands. “Hi, Mitsuru-senpai,” she whispered.
“Hello, Yamagishi. I hope you haven’t been too bored since I stole Yukari away.”
“Oh, oh no! Aigis and I were having a good time trying to guess what you two were talking about!”
Aigis entered the room holding a bowl of popcorn. “Yes,” she said. “I was saying I am surprised it took so long. That is a funny t-shirt.”
“O-oh, thank you?” Mitsuru blinked and glanced down at her Wuck merch. “I see you’ve brought a snack.”
Aigis smiled at her and held out the bowl. “One must always be prepared for movie night.”
“C’est magnifique!” declared Mitsuru with a clap of her hands. “I’ll put in the movie for you, Yamagishi. Please, make yourselves at home.”
Fuuka handed the case to her and started whispering with Yukari excitedly, so she walked over to her rarely used DVD player. Her eyes glanced over the movie case. Digital… monsters? Taking over the internet? Huh. Yamagishi had interesting taste.
After inserting the disk, Mitsuru realized Aigis had followed her and placed the popcorn bowl on the coffee table. She stood and turned to face her. “Oh, Aigis. Do you need a blanket or something?” She mentally punched herself for asking a robot if she was cold.
Aigis stepped forward and pulled her into a hug, squeezing her very tight. Mitsuru stood there for a moment before trying to hug her back through almost being crushed by the strength of her arms.
“I am… happy for you, Mitsuru-san,” Aigis said and stepped back.
Mitsuru smiled at her like a pleased mother. “Thank you, Aigis. I appreciate it.”
Aigis patted her on the head and grinned.
“Wh—“
Her expression turned serious. “I thought that would be funny.”
“I wanna hug Mitsuru-senpai!” Fuuka called from across the room.
“Hey! She’s my girlfriend,” Yukari chided, but Mitsuru’s heart soared. She had forgotten to ask if they were dating now, but that certainly cleared it up.
“You can have a hug, Yamagishi,” Mitsuru approved and opened her arms for tiny Fuuka who ran up and clung to her.
“Okay, okay! Let’s watch this already,” Yukari warned. She took a seat on one of the couches and motioned for Mitsuru to sit next to her.
“Jealous, Yukari-chan?” Yamagishi suggested with a giggle as Mitsuru took her seat.
“No! Okay, maybe,” admitted Yukari, shimmying up next to Mitsuru and taking one of her hands.
“I am excited for this. It is one of my favorite movies,” Aigis announced.
“Well, you haven’t seen many movies, Aigis-chan.”
Mitsuru glanced around happily as her friends chattered about the trailers that came on before the movie, old as they were. She felt content to have them in her room eating popcorn and joking around as a silly children’s film played. To have Yukari snuggled up next to her was enough, but a sleepover with all the girls was more than she could have asked for.
Next time, she would make sure to invite all the boys, but they’d have to do it in the lounge. Oh, and she would buy lots of fancy foods for them to try, too. Everyone could use a family movie night every now and again.