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You were in shock.
Your childhood best friend, Jung Hoseok, the constant little ball of sunshine in your life…was an underground rapper?
“Yeah, it’s pretty great,” Hoseok grinned, leaning back in his chair. The two of you were in your usual spot - a quiet little cafe just a few blocks off-campus. “I mean, you know how much I love dancing…but sometimes it feels so restricting. Rapping - especially rapping there - just feels so freeing. I don’t think I could have survived the last showcase without letting out that steam.”
It sounded logical enough, but you still couldn’t get over the idea. “I’m picturing like, a dark alleyway in the dead of night. Oh, or a car park. Huddled around a little bonfire in a trashcan.”
Hoseok pouted over his coffee - some kind of super-sweet, ridiculously-named concoction with an ungodly amount of whipped cream on top. “I mean, I wouldn’t go that far. We meet up in an ordinary bar, just after closing hours.”
“‘We’?” You repeated, and then gasped. “Oh my God, do you rap battle?”
“Uh…sometimes?”
“That’s so…” you cut yourself off, a thought suddenly hitting you. You fixed Hoseok with the most scandalised look you could give, so convincing that he genuinely looked a little nervous sat across from you. “Jung Hoseok. Do you swear?”
He stared back at you. You could tell he was trying his best not to indulge you, not to grace that with a response, but he couldn’t hide the slightest hint of sheepishness when he replied. “Well, yeah, it kind of comes with the territory.”
“Jung Hoseok, I am telling your mother.”
He rolled his eyes - a rarity for a guy who was usually the silliest, most hyperactive bundle of energy you knew - and looked down at his coffee.
His expression gave you pause. On the surface, he didn’t look affected at all. But you had known Hoseok for literally more than half your life, and you could recognise a mask when you saw one.
Apologetically, you picked up your biscotti and poked his hand gently. “Hey.”
He looked up.
“It’s, like, a little bit of a shock, not going to lie. You didn’t even tell me you listened to rap music,” you pointed out. Then, you smiled and placed your biscotti next to his coffee mug. “But I can tell it means a lot to you. So ignore my dumb jokes. Tell me more about it.”
Hoseok brightened immediately, his grin spreading about a mile wide. You couldn’t tell if it was from your words, or you giving him your own biscotti, but you figured it was a mixture of the two.
He immediately launched into an excited rambling about the venue, the atmosphere, the people. The first time he got invited there, the first time he rapped, what the other people there were like.
“-and Suga’s, like, terrifying if he’s in the mood. I’ve seen him make guys cry. But still, I don’t know if I’d say he was the best. Rap Monster is insanely good-”
“Wait, sorry, Rap Monster?”
“Yeah, it’s kind of a dumb name.”
“‘Kind of’?”
“But he’s on a completely different level. He’s like a god there. Someone said he’s been rapping there since he was, like, twelve. I guess he picked the name super young and it just stuck.”
You watched as he continued on and on, smiling at the excitement in his eyes and his wild hand gestures. It felt like it had been so long - too long - since you’d last seen him this hyped up. And that was saying something, considering that you were fairly sure ‘excitable’ was his default setting.
“So, do I get to see you perform?” You asked, genuinely interested.
Hoseok tripped over his words halfway through a sentence, completely caught off-guard. “W-what?”
“I wanna see you rap!” You said, leaning forward and placing your hands next to your forgotten, lukewarm coffee. “Do I get to watch, or is it an invite-only kind of place?”
Hoseok’s mouth bobbed open and shut a few times in shock, closely resembling a goldfish. “I…I mean, it’s technically invite-only, but RM told me I can bring a plus-one if I ever want to. A couple of guys bring girls sometimes.”
You beamed, already excited. You missed the way Hoseok had started to flush during that last sentence. “Awesome! When’s your next meet-up? If, you know, it’s OK with you to go so soon?”
“No, of course it’s OK!” Hoseok blurted out. “It’s next Friday, well, technically Saturday. About 2:00am.”
Friday night? You could easily make that work.
“Great! Oh my God, I’m super looking forward to this!”
This time, you didn’t miss the way Hoseok smiled at you in pure, unabashed relief. You smiled back, as you felt a growing warmth in your chest. The two of you stared just a little too long, but it was…actually kinda nice.
You guessed that was what it usually felt like when two people were such good friends.
“Don’t hate me,” you mumbled into the phone, frantically digging your way through your closet. You had been trying to find your only pair of black jeans for about twenty minutes. The leather jacket you’d also bought for a Halloween costume last year was also nowhere to be found. “But I can’t find anything…edgy to wear tonight.”
You heard Hoseok’s bright, contagious laugh from the other end of the call. “Edgy?”
“Yeah. Like…like it fits for an underground rap scene place.”
“Just dress how you like. Whatever you feel most comfortable in.”
You stared distrustfully at the contents of your wardrobe. You were a little bit of a girly-girl. “I dunno, have you seen my style? I don’t think the scary rappers will appreciate my frilly skirts. Or my Ugg boots.”
“I’m the one who invited you. If anyone has a problem with what you wear, they’re going to have to take it up with me.”
At that, you couldn’t help but smile. “Aww. Really?”
“Really. Now get ready! I’ll be there in like, twenty minutes.”
“Twenty minutes!” You repeated, shocked to a stop. “Oh my God, that’s basically no time to get ready! What am I still doing on the phone with you, I have hair to blow-dry!”
Hoseok laughed again, and the two of you swapped goodbyes before you hung up and immediately launched into another frantic search of your wardrobe contents.
You took Hoseok’s promise to heart. But even still, as you eyed your outfit in the mirror, you couldn’t help but be just a little bit nervous. You’d decided on a floral-print sundress, a super cute item you’d gotten on sale that flattered you so well, and flat pumps.
You frowned. Was the sundress choice a mistake? Maybe you should go for a pants look. Something more casual.
But you looked so good in it. The neckline was pretty modest, considering the sweetheart cut, but it was a fair bit shorter than what you usually went for.
It was…playful, if you had to describe it. Maybe even a little flirty?
You frowned at the word as it popped into your head. Flirty? Did you really want to flirt with any of the guys you’d be meeting there?
Maybe they’ll be kinda hot, a voice in your head suggested. Don’t judge a book by its cover.
OK, but even if they are hot, another voice countered, are they really going to go for the sundress type?
Yeah, maybe you really should look at wearing jeans or something instead.
Before you could follow up on that thought, your doorbell rang.
Damn it, Hoseok was here already?
You bounded out of your room, almost colliding with your roommate as you headed for the front door. “Sorry, Kook!”
He didn’t reply - although, to be fair, that was likely a result of the huge fistful of cheesy puffs he’d just shoved into his mouth. He gave you a silent nod as he nudged open the door to his room with his hip, arms full of snacks. Friday night for your roommate had recently become the time for gaming until ridiculously early in the morning. You should probably check in when you came home, just to make sure he went to bed before the sun was fully up.
You opened the door hurriedly, mouth open to greet your best friend.
And the words promptly died on your tongue.
It was certainly Hoseok in front of you, but he looked…different. Gone were his usual brightly-coloured t-shirts and shorts. Instead, he was in muted colours - dark jeans, grey tee layered over a white long-sleeved shirt underneath, plain black shoes.
He…he looked good. Really good. But so different.
“Hey,” you finally said, trying to hide the fact that you must have been gawking at his clothes for a good few seconds.
Hoseok blinked. “…Hi. You look really nice.”
You looked down at yourself. “Really? I like this dress a lot, but I didn’t know if it would be too…much for where we’re going.”
“No, seriously, you look…nice,” Hoseok repeated himself. “Again, anyone who has a problem will have to take it up with me. But they won’t. Trust me. You look…yeah…”
He shifted his weight nervously, and you caught just the briefest flash of bright yellow beneath his jean cuffs. “Wait a second, are you wearing…”
Hoseok noticed where you were looking, and grinned as he lifted his foot and pulled up his jeans. He was wearing fluorescent yellow socks. You couldn’t help but smile at them, this little glimpse of a familiar Hoseok under this new side to him.
“I love it, oh my God.”
Hoseok’s grinned widened. “You ready to go?”
OK, aside from the indoor venue and the basic amenities like running water and electricity, this was pretty much…exactly what you were expecting. The dingy walls and floors, the dark ambiance, the buzz of danger and adrenaline.
You got more than a few looks when you entered, but that was understandable. It was probably the first time in decades that this place had seen the colour pink.
“So, how does this work? Do you like…perform? Is there a set list?”
“No, it’s more…go-with-the-flow. Most people have prepared stuff, but the best people just improv. We kind of just jump in when we feel like it.”
You nodded, still taking it all in.
As your gaze wandered around the room, you found yourself locking eyes with a sullen, mint-haired man leaning against the wall. Despite the decent amount of people wandering around, chatting amongst themselves, you couldn’t help but notice that everyone was giving him a wide berth.
Even from a distance, you noticed his eyebrows raise as his gaze slid down your dress.
You looked over at Hoseok. “Who’s Mr. Sulky Sadboi over there?”
Hoseok glanced up. “Oh. That’s Suga.”
“Suga? The super scary guy? Makes dudes cry Suga?”
“That’s the one.”
You looked back over at him. “Really? He looks kinda cute.”
Hoseok snapped his head towards you. “What?”
“Yeah. Like a little peppermint cream puff,” you continued. “He’s a total cutie.”
Hoseok was still reeling from…“Peppermint cream puff?”
His scandalised tone forced your gaze back to him. The two of you stared at each other for a moment, before you broke out into laughter. Hoseok joined you, and you took a second to admire the way his nose creased up all cute-like when he laughed.
Huh. You’d never noticed that before.
That was when, out of the corner of your eye, you caught Suga push himself away from the wall, still frowning as he started walking.
Directly towards the two of you.
You quickly sobered up, undeniably nervous as the infamous rapper drew closer.
Hoseok seemed marginally less concerned, a smile still threatening the corners of his lips.
Suga stopped about a foot away from you, hands slipping into his back pockets.
“Never thought I’d be fucking glad to see you.”
His voice was husky, and dripping with so much venom that it honestly took you a second to realise Suga had not in fact insulted Hoseok. Well, not directly, anyway.
“Hey,” Hoseok greeted, beaming. His smile only made Suga’s scowl deepen, as if he were personally offended by Hoseok’s cheer. “Don’t lie, you’re always happy to see me.”
“There’s been some fucking wastes of time tonight,” Suga commented, still hostile. He didn’t deny Hoseok’s claim. “That last one almost made me headbutt the wall just to make it all stop.”
“Really? I heard him on the way in, his flow was decent,” Hoseok replied, oddly at ease despite the barely-concealed vitriol spilling from the man in front of him. If anything, this almost seemed like…routine.
“Yeah, but his rhymes were so fucking weak,” Suga argued. Then, finally, he glanced over at you. “Who’s the princess over here?”
“Oh, yeah, introductions. Suga, this is Y/N,” Hoseok said, gesturing to you. “Y/N, this is Suga.”
“Hi,” you said, giving him a tiny wave in the hopes of lessening that frown on his face. It did not. “Hoseok said you’re really good.”
Suga glanced over at Hoseok. “How nice, J-Ho. I’m touched.”
His words hit you like a train, your nerves rapidly evaporating in the wake of sudden incredulity.
On impulse, you stepped forward to get face-to-face. Well, face-to-chin. “Sorry, did you just call my friend a ho?”
Up close, Suga was no less intimidating. He didn’t respond immediately, just stared at you with an unreadable expression on his face.
“Don’t worry, it’s just a play on my rap name,” Hoseok tried to reassure you from behind, gently taking your hand to pull you back. “He calls me it all the time. It’s like…friendly.”
Suga averted his burning stare at you to shoot Hoseok a glare.
“…I think.”
Glancing away from Hoseok, Suga’s attention was back on you. Again, you fought back the urge to tense up as his eyes swept over your figure, lingering on the sundress once again. When he spoke, it was directed at Hoseok, but he didn’t take his eyes off you. “Hey, you remember Rule Number One, right?”
His vague words stirred something in Hoseok, going by how he tensed up. “Uh…yeah, I know the rule.”
“Good.”
You realised Hoseok’s hand was still gripping yours, because you could feel it squeeze tighter. “But…you’re talking about rapping, right? Not…in general?”
Suga blinked, and for the first time, his expression faltered. He looked at Hoseok in confusion, before something seemed to click in his head. His eyes seemed to flicker to you instinctively, before he rolled his eyes at Hoseok. “Calm down. Yeah, I meant rapping. Christ.”
Before Hoseok replied, Suga wandered away without even a cursory goodbye. As soon as he was out of earshot, you turned to Hoseok. “So…that Suga guy seems kind of an asshole.”
Hoseok looked conflicted. “I mean…yes. Yes, he is. But in a weird way…I think we’re friends.”
You raised an eyebrow.
“He’s actually kind of nicer to me than he is to most people,” Hoseok said, catching onto how unconvinced you were.
“The nicest thing he said to you that entire interaction was an incredibly back-handed compliment.”
Hoseok shrugged. “But he did come over to say hi.”
“And insult you. And possibly me?”
“He’s a complicated guy.”
Going over the conversation in your head, you remembered one particularly cryptic moment. “Hey, what was that ‘Rule Number One’ thing about?”
“Oh, just one of the ground rules here,” Hoseok said with a carefree smile and a shrug. “If you want to rap about other people, the first rule you have to agree to is that everything is fair game.”
Everything is fair game?
You frowned. Not at the rule - which actually, to be honest, wasn’t too controversial of a rule - but at Hoseok.
Because that carefree smile was forced.
It was also then that your frown deepened because…how could you tell so immediately that it was fake?
You had been friends for years. Maybe that was why.
Yeah, it had to be. Of course you’d know the difference between a real smile and fake smile. What kind of friend would you be otherwise?
This wasn’t weird at all. Just normal friend stuff.
In the background of your weird introspection, Hoseok was still talking.
“-mean, really shitty stuff like racism is a grey area. RM’s usually in charge of deciding what’s OK and what’s unacceptable. It’s a good zero-tolerance policy. Not many creeps get invited here, but the few that do get banned as soon as they start spouting any hateful-”
Knowing the details of your best friend’s smile was normal. Especially when he smiled so much.
It’s not like you paid any special attention to his mouth.
Because you were friends. And friends didn’t do that.
“You OK there?”
You blinked, snapping out of your thoughts.
Hoseok was watching you, a little concerned.
“Fine,” you said, voice sounding only slightly strangled. “I’m fine.”
He was still holding your hand. His grip was warm, and it sent tiny little tingles up through your veins and into your chest.
Normal. Friend. Stuff.
You pulled your hand away hastily. Smoothing out the skirt of your dress, you cleared your throat. “I’m gonna get a drink! You want anything?”
Thrown by your sudden burst of manic energy, Hoseok could only blink in response. He recovered pretty well, giving you a real smile as he rubbed the back of his neck. “Actually, I was thinking of going up now and performing. If you still want to see?”
“Of course I want to see, dude!” You said, excitedly punching his shoulder. “Go break a leg, or…whatever the good luck thing is here. Break a…bitch?”
That got a surprised giggle out of him, probably because you very rarely swore. “I…sure. Break a bitch works.”
“You go break that bitch!”
Hoseok was…really good.
He was introduced as ‘J-Hope’, which was kind of a perfect name for him. He had an entirely different energy from the rappers you’d heard so far. He was so…bright. Effortless. The words flowed out of him naturally, not a single stutter or misplaced pause to be heard. He just smiled his way through.
Which made his insults so much more cutting.
You watched as he dressed down multiple guys in the crowd, never sticking to a single target long enough to be too mean. Everything seemed to come so easy to him, every single putdown was just so smooth.
You couldn’t help but swell with pride when he gave you the smallest of shout-outs, pointing to you during one particularly great moment when he commented that even you were more gangster than half the guys in the place because “does she look like she gives a fuck?”
You grinned at that, sipping your cocktail in peace.
He finished his verse with a casual brag about his own abilities, and a joke that drew a chuckle from a good half of his rapt audience.
Yeah, he was good. You were so incredibly proud.
You watched as he flashed one last smile, the J-Hope persona slowly fading away to the Hoseok you knew. Although, to be honest, there wasn’t much difference there to begin with. Hoseok had a history of being annoyingly, effortlessly talented and pretty confident about it.
“Not so fast, J-Ho.”
And immediately, your smile faded when that familiar green-haired dick strolled through the crowd, microphone in hand.
Hoseok paused, straightening up as Suga came into his view.
“Your little pot-shots were cool and all, but you’re just shooting fish in a fucking barrel with these dipshits,” Suga continued. “I wanna see you try that with me.”
You watched Hoseok’s eyes widen. With a nervous gulp, he quickly recovered and flashed Suga a smile. “Sure thing, Sugs. I’ll try not to embarrass you too badly.”
“Cute,” Suga replied.
And then immediately launched into an evisceration.
You stared, abandoning your drink and instead digging your fingers into the edge of your bar stool. He tore into Hoseok, criticising his looks, rapping skills, personality. All in this same, bored tone.
You tried to stay calm. This was probably normal for a rap battle. Hoseok talked about that number one rule. But it was difficult not to go after the guy ripping apart your best friend.
As Suga continued, Hoseok stepped off the stage and instead met him amongst the crowd. The sea of people parted to give them space, allowing you to see the two squaring off.
Hoseok cut through with a rebuttal, stepping into Suga’s personal space. That easy-going smile was still on his face, but you noticed a certain glint in his eye. His expression had an edge to it, a sharpness that you had never seen before.
You found yourself sliding off your barstool, your legs transporting you closer to get a better view.
He was flushed from the exertion of rapping, a sheen of sweat just visible on his brow. You noticed a little tuft of his hair breaking away from the rest and hanging down over his forehead, and you felt the urge to gently push it back.
Suga had taken back over, but you barely paid attention. All of your focus was on Hoseok, and the growing sensation in the pit of your stomach. It felt like…butterflies.
Hoseok was kinda cute.
Holy shit, Hoseok was really cute. How had you not seen it before?
It was this revelation that distracted you so entirely, that you didn’t notice Suga approaching you until he was literally just inches away.
If you hadn’t been so blindsided, you would have immediately reeled back at this invasion of personal space, at the intensity of Suga’s stare. But with your head still trying to process these new feelings, you stood your ground and blinked numbly at him.
When Suga opened his mouth, his words were accompanied with a lick of his lips.
“When your girl begs me nice enough, Imma take her to Hong Kong.”
…Hong Kong?
Huh?
Like…on a vacation?
You were struck dumb at the bizarre nature of the line, as Suga lingered just a few inches’ distance from your face. It was only when he shifted to one side that you caught sight of Hoseok.
He was…
He was livid.
His eyes were black with anger, burning holes through Suga’s head. You spotted a muscle in his jaw twitch, and it…
It did something. Something bad to you.
Oh.
Oh.
You watched as Hoseok exploded in response to Suga’s Hong Kong proposition, abandoning English entirely in favour of spitting out fiery bars in Korean. You couldn’t understand the content of his lines, but they were biting and harsh and a complete 180 from his earlier style.
And wow, it only heightened the tightness in your chest.
You didn’t just think Hoseok was cute.
You thought he was hot.
Unnervingly hot.
Mouth-drying, thighs-pressing-together, gut-punchingly hot.
Oh no, you wanted to bang Hoseok.
He was just so…vivid. Vibrant. You had referred to him as a little bundle of energy in the past, but this was different. He was radiant - exuding energy and passion and maybe just a little edge of frustration, like he was one nudge away from completely losing control.
Oh no. You really, really wanted to bang Hoseok.
Suga stayed by your side, staring impassively in the face of Hoseok’s explosive tirade. Well, maybe he seemed impassive to the casual observer, but with him this close, you caught the briefest glimpse of shock cross his face.
Ordinarily, you would be delighted at the sight of your best friend knocking an arrogant prick down a peg or two, but you were still trying to deal with the fact that you wanted to jump your best friend’s bones quite badly.
Hoseok finished off his attack with final scathing line and lowered his microphone with fury still burning in his glare.
Suga raised his own microphone to his lips. He drew in a deep breath, and you couldn’t help but tense in anticipation for his own attack. As did half the people crowding around the two of them.
But instead, he just smiled.
“Congratulations, J-Hope,” Suga said, switching back to English. It took you a second to realise Suga had addressed him by his actual rap name, not any mocking variations thereof. “You passed.”
You could have heard a pin drop in the resulting confused silence.
Even Hoseok was staring at him, anger morphing into something vaguely approaching flabbergasted. “…What?”
Suga straightened up, all but preening in the reaction he caused. “RM’s gonna want to talk to you upstairs. Go on.”
He nodded towards the rickety-looking staircase behind Hoseok.
Hoseok was still staring, but his previous rage had almost completely faded away.
Too bad your newfound thirst hadn’t disappeared with it.
This might actually be a bit of a problem.
Hoseok’s gaze flickered to you, and for a terrifying moment, you thought you’d said that out loud.
That panic subsided when Suga rolled his eyes and spoke up. “Calm down, take Princess with you if you’re so worried.”
You met Hoseok’s gaze. Pushing all those inconvenient thoughts aside, you put on your most reassuring best-friend smile and shrugged. “Why not? Seems like you did something cool.”
Hoseok blinked at your encouraging words, before slowly breaking out that familiar mega-watt grin. “Of course I did. Come on!”
Turning on his heel, he sauntered off towards the staircase with a new swagger. You followed, buoyed by the idea that Hoseok had seemingly passed some kind of secret test. That good mood was soured only slightly half-way up the stairs when you heard the steps behind you give out a protesting creak. You glanced behind you to see Suga was also following, and shot you a bored look.
Oh, fun. He was coming along too.
Hoseok had a similar reaction, especially when Suga pulled the two of you up outside the door. “Sorry, J-Ho. This is technically gonna be a business meeting with Rap Mon. She’s gonna have to wait outside.”
Business meeting?
This was all a bit surreal, but you remembered just how excited - how reverent - Hoseok had sounded in the cafe when he talked about the mysterious Rap Monster. You couldn’t let him pass up this opportunity.
So, when Hoseok opened his mouth to argue, you cut him off. “I’ll be fine! This seems like a big deal! I can take care of myself.”
Hoseok still hesitated at the door.
You folded your arms. “Jung Hoseok, so help me God, I will kick your butt so hard if you keep dawdling around here for me. Go!”
Hoseok took one look at the angry pout on your face and broke out into laughter. You struggled to keep the expression on your face. Hoseok’s laughter had always been contagious.
“OK, OK,” he said, his giggles subsiding. “Whatever you say.”
“Good,” you stated, looking pointedly at the doorknob his hand was rested on.
Finally, Hoseok worked up the courage to open the door and - with a final smile in your direction - closed the door behind him.
You sighed, leaning against the wall. Now, it was just you and…
“Cute.”
The minty-green dickhead.
You glanced over at Suga. His side profile was surprisingly soft - for a scary, filthy-mouthed underground rapper, he had the cutest little button nose. He was leaning against the wall too, shoulders rounded forward as he nonchalantly flicked through his phone. You raised an eyebrow. “What?”
He turned his head, and mirrored your expression. “You’ll kick his butt? Not his ass?”
“I don’t swear.”
He blinked in surprise, and for the briefest of seconds, he looked almost endearing.
“Wow. Aren’t you…” Suga trailed off, his expression smoothing out to his regular deadpan.
You tilted your head. “Polite? Well-mannered? Adorable?”
“Nauseating.”
“Huh. Rude.”
His lips quirked up into a half-smirk.
Dimly, at the back of your mind, a memory sparked your curiosity. “Hey, can I ask you something?”
Suga didn’t respond. You decided to press forward anyway.
“What was that weird Hong Kong thing about? In your rap?”
Suga’s half-smirk widened into a full, very wicked grin. You felt your stomach twist in immediate dread, but tried not to let it show on your face.
“‘Take you to Hong Kong’. It’s an expression. Korean slang.”
“Ok, but why translate it into English though? If it’s a Korean expression?”
“Do you know Korean?” Suga asked.
You swallowed. “Only a little.”
He shrugged. “Then it would be no fun if I said it in Korean.”
No fun? “OK. But what does it actually…mean?”
At this, he lowered his phone. He turned his whole body towards you, resting his head against the wall as he fixed you with a completely shameless look. “It means I’ll make you come.”
His response was so blunt that it genuinely made you jerk back in shock.
Suga schooled his expression back into something approaching neutral, but his eyes were still locked on you, gauging your reaction.
You struggled for something to say in response. Your first instinct was indignant anger, to go immediately on the defensive.
But his words echoed in your head.
It would be no fun if I said it in Korean.
Fun. This was all just fun for him. Even now, your reaction was just a source of amusement. The more you played into it, the more he got out of it. He wanted you flustered.
So, instead, you raised an eyebrow and gave him your sweetest smile.
“Uh-huh. Good luck with that, Peppermint Patty.”
Suga stiffened, eyes flashing. You were reminded in that moment of the rising hackles of a stray dog, alarmed and definitely more than a little bit outraged.
But as he opened his mouth to reply, the door separating the two of you swung open, and Hoseok appeared with a smile so big it threatened to split his face in half.
Before you could react, he swept you up in a hug - lifting you a full foot off the ground, legs dangling as he swung you about in excitement. “Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.”
You don’t know if it was the hug or the excitement in his voice, but you felt a sudden swell of warm affection in your chest. It took every ounce of your self-restraint to avoid burying your face in the crook of his neck, so you settled for squeezing him back just as tightly. “What is it? What did he say?”
“They want me to feature on their mixtape!”
You saw the door open again over Hoseok’s shoulder, and braced yourself for the first glimpse of this infamous ‘Rap Monster’.
A tall man stepped out, effortlessly cool in an oversized camo jacket and a honey-blond coiff. He chuckled at the sight of Hoseok’s excited attempt to squeeze the life out of you, flashing a hint of dimple in his cheeks.
He was…not at all what you were expecting.
He moved to stand next to Suga. “If you couldn’t tell, he said yes.”
Suga made a huffing noise. You realised belatedly that it was probably his version of a laugh. “Of course he did. That was never in doubt.”
Hoseok finally released you from the hug. You took a step back, ignoring your body’s protests at his sudden absence.
He turned to Suga and Rap Monster. “Thank you again for this opportunity, RM! This is insane!”
Rap Monster - RM - shrugged. “Don’t just thank me. It was Yoongi’s idea to bring you on in the first place.”
Who was Yoongi?
Your brow furrowed, your mouth opening to ask Hoseok who this Yoongi guy was, only to find Hoseok staring wide-eyed at Suga. “Seriously?”
Suga’s face was the picture of indignant, full-on pouting at this new revelation. “I…uh…fine, technically, I guess I did.”
You and Hoseok blinked in unison, shocked.
Suga was Yoongi?
“W-wow…thank you, dude.”
Suga averted his gaze to the ceiling, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Don’t mention it. You’re…good. I guess.”
It was barely a compliment, but Hoseok’s smile was so bright it was almost blinding.
“Thank you.”
Suga made a face. “Shut the fuck up. We’ll text you the details tomorrow. Now, go celebrate with your girlfriend or whatever.”
Girlfriend?
You stiffened. Panic flooded you, because for the briefest second…
You liked that idea.
A lot.
“…I…I’m not…” You couldn’t get the words out.
“We’re just friends,” Hoseok explained for you, his smile tightening as he slipped an arm around your shoulder.
“Mm-hm. Friends,” you repeated, lamely.
Suga turned his gaze at you, and your breath caught. It was the most cryptic look you’d ever seen, a thousand and one expressions mixed together in a single solitary glance. You couldn’t even guess what he was thinking, but it was definitely something.
“…Huh.”
That response seared itself into your mind, playing again and again for the rest of the night.
Along with the way Hoseok’s hand twitched on your shoulder at that very same response.
“So, what did you think?” Hoseok asked brightly, strolling along beside you as you left the bar.
You opened your mouth, trying to think of an honest response that wasn’t ‘I think I want to kiss you, a lot’. “I…I really liked it! It was so cool in there!”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah! And you…you were great!” You exclaimed, nudging him with your shoulder. “You’re like, all cool and carefree and stuff. I’ve never seen that in you before.”
Also, I’ve realised you’re very pretty.
“Thanks,” Hoseok replied. You watched his cheeks start to flush, blooming pink from embarrassment. “It means a lot to hear that from you.”
You felt your own cheeks start to warm. Averting your eyes, you blurted out the first thing that came to mind to change the subject. “So, that Suga guy…I don’t know what to make of him.”
Hoseok rubbed the back of his neck, nodding. “Yeah. Finding out that he was the one to suggest me was…unexpected. But also kinda cool, I think.”
The pink still refused to fade from his face, so you pressed on. “Was that the first time you rapped against him?”
Hoseok nodded again. “Uh-huh. He never raps with anyone. He, um, he’s really good. He doesn’t have time for rookies.”
An idea hit you, and before common sense could stop your mouth, your curiosity at what his reaction might be what made you blurt it out. “What was that Hong Kong thing all about?”
That had an instant reaction on Hoseok. His face turned a deep shade of red, breath catching. When he spoke, his voice was about an octave higher than usual. “It’s…it’s nothing, really. A Korean thing, the meaning gets kinda lost in translation. Don’t worry about it.”
There was a very devious voice at the back of your mind urging you to keep pushing until you made Hoseok tell you the exact details, but you tried hard to shut it out.
Don’t make it weird. Stop making this weird.
The rest of the walk back to your place was uneventful, as you both tried your best to keep the conversation light. By the time you reached the steps to your apartment floor, you had found yourself making small talk about an assignment due in next month.
When you got halfway up the steps, whatever you were about to say about your assignment died on the tip of your tongue. You turned around, the two step advantage you had cancelling out the height difference between the two of you. You could stare straight ahead into his eyes.
His very pretty eyes.
“Hoseok…”
Kiss him.
Invite him upstairs.
Jump him right there on the steps.
You reached over and brushed a lock of hair out of his face. On instinct, he reached up and gently took your hand, the warmth of his skin seeping into yours as he squeezed your hand.
The wide-eyed look on his face set off a million different alarms in your head, screeching in panic as you froze.
“Sorry, it was bugging me,” you blabbed, yanking your hand away. “I’m tired. It’s late. I’m gonna go.”
You’re a coward.
“Wait, are you sur-”
“Yep! I’ll see you tomorrow, thanks for inviting me!” You all but shouted at him, hurrying up the stairs.
Coward. Coward. Coward.
“I need to talk to you.”
Jungkook paused, a spoonful of cereal hovering just inches from his mouth.
“OK, sure. What about?”
You nervously drummed your fingers against the kitchen counter. “Uh…so…let’s say hypothetically, I was friends with a guy. And then one day I realised that he was super hot. Like, super hot. And now I think I like him. What would your advice be?”
Jungkook lowered his spoon back to his bowl. “Uh-”
“Do I tell him? Do I not? Would it ruin things, or just be awkward?”
“I mean, maybe-”
“We’re just…we’re so close,” you lamented, seizing Jungkook’s wrist and squeezing for emotional support. “Super close.”
“…‘We’? As in…” Jungkook stuttered, eyes snapping down to your hand on his wrist. He immediately leaned back as far as his chair would allow him, pulling his arm away with him. “Uh…if we’re thinking about the same person…I don’t know how to say this, but…that ship sailed a few years ago.”
You tensed, horrified.
He caught the hurt look in your eye, and instantly stumbled into an apology. “Sorry, th-that was too harsh, wasn’t it? I just-”
“Are you saying Hoseok used to like me?”
“…Hoseok?”
“Yeah,” you nodded. Then paused. “Who did you think I was talking about?”
Jungkook stared at you, eyes the size of dinner plates. He looked like a deer frozen in the road, about to be hit by a truck.
You stared back for a split-second, before your jaw dropped open. “…Wait a second, Kook, did you-”
“Nope!” Jungkook said, jumping up from his seat. “Let’s not…that was years…doesn’t matter…let’s not go into it…literally only for like a week in high school, I swear…let’s just…”
You watched in awe at Jungkook’s verbal backspacing, his words jumbling together as he tried furiously to change the subject.
Eventually, he just snapped his jaw shut, backing away out of the kitchen. “Nope. Go…go talk to Hoseok. I’m out.”
You couldn’t help it. You squealed.
“Kook, oh my God, you’re so swee-”
“Shut up, or I will spontaneously combust.”
“But you’re so gosh-darn cute-”
“Not listening. Leaving now. Bye forever.”
He disappeared back into his room, shutting the door against your hysterical giggling.
It took a good minute for your laughter to subside, nerves disappearing in the face of Jungkook’s sheer mortification.
Finally, you wiped the tears from your eyes and reached for the cereal bowl he’d abandoned.
In a weird way, Jungkook’s accidental confession reassured you a little. It was possible to like someone, get over it and continue being their friend.
You could do that.
This was probably just a little blip, like Jungkook’s crush was. A week at most.
You could handle a week of weird thirst, if it meant things going back to normal.
You tried to give yourself a pep-talk as you waited outside the dance studio for Hoseok.
You’d had all night to face this weird little attack of hormones head-on. And you had a pretty good handle on the situation.
Obviously, this had all been sparked by seeing Hoseok rap. You had witnessed him in a completely new environment, it made a weird amount of sense that your feelings would change a little too.
Maybe you weren’t into Hoseok. Maybe you were into the idea of ‘J-Hope’.
Once you accepted that, it was easier to deal with.
The solution to this was simple. You needed to spend more time with Hoseok, enough to convince your brain that Hoseok and ‘J-Hope’ were completely separate entities. It was a fool-proof strategy. Scientific, almost, in a ‘immunity-via-prolonged-exposure’ kind of way.
Naturally, you were so eager to start implementing this plan that you may or may not have messaged Hoseok at 3am asking if he wanted to grab coffee.
Not, like, NOW, you’d added. After your dance practice. If you want?
You hadn’t expected a reply until the morning, so imagine your surprise when almost immediately, he messaged back:
Of course <3
That was nice. A nice friendly reply.
So, you were ready to meet up with your friend just like always.
“Hey.”
Your head snapped up, shoulders - for some inexplicable reason - tensing in anticipation.
To your surprise, it wasn’t Hoseok greeting you, but his friend and co-dance-captain.
Park Jimin.
Pretty.
That was always the one and only thought in your head whenever you saw Jimin.
Pretty. Pretty. So pretty.
You smiled in greeting. “Hi Jimin, haven’t seen you for a while! Everything going OK?”
He smiled. “Everything’s good. Hobi’s kicking my ass with this choreography, but you know, that’s par for the course.”
Such a sweet boy. And so obnoxiously good-looking.
This was a guy you should be getting all flustered over.
You tried to focus in on his smile, his delicate features, his lithe frame.
Go on, brain. Switch to Jimin. Switch to the pretty boy. It would be so much easier.
“I’m sure you’ll do great,” you replied. “You always do.”
Jimin’s smile grew, the apples of his cheeks growing even more prominent.
Come on, brain. Look at that smile. That pretty, pretty smile.
Snap out of this Hobi daze and latch onto someone who won’t ruin your oldest friendship forever.
“It was nice seeing you,” Jimin said, jolting you out of your thoughts. “And tell Kook to reply to his damn messages.”
His words forced a smile out of you. Jungkook really was terrible at messaging back, especially when he gets caught up in a game. “Will do.”
With a final wave, Jimin wandered off, leaving you to your increasingly frustrated thoughts.
You reached down to grab your phone out of your coat pocket, checking the time yet again. Three whole minutes had passed since you last checked.
Your eyes wandered to the picture on your lockscreen. It was, of course, a picture of you and Hoseok, taken by Jungkook at one of your usual movie nights. You focused on Hoseok, the wide grin on his face, the bucket hat, the bright orange t-shirt. It was such a stark contrast to how you remembered him as ‘J-Hope’, it should be enough to remind you of the dorky Hoseok you were so deeply - and so platonically - attached to.
You could do this. You could do this.
“Hi!”
You looked up.
You could not, in fact, do this.
Hoseok beamed at you, oblivious as you stared at the deep flush of his skin, the lingering dampness of his post-dance shower, the way droplets of water still clung to his dark hair.
Oh no.
Oh no.
You managed to force out a greeting. “Hey.”
“Sorry I’m late, we just managed to put together the new routine and I wanted to run-through the whole thing a few times to make sure it’s all cohesive and stuff. There’s a really cool part in the middle with an aerial - I’m thinking of giving it to Jimin, he’s one of the lightest…”
You were transfixed on the little bead of water that was slowly making its way along his jaw and down his neck. It would be weird if you wiped it away, right?
Or would it? You’d only be wiping away some water with your thumb, it’s not like you were going to lick it or something.
…Oh, shit, now that image was firmly planted in your mind.
No licking. Friends don’t lick friends. Get it together.
“…Are you OK?”
You snapped out of your thoughts, realising that Hoseok was staring at you with a bemused look on his face.
And, like an idiot, you blurted out the first thing you could think of in your panic.
“You look good!”
Hoseok blinked.
Your mind went blank.
There was a long moment of silence - long enough that you found yourself babbling again.
“Like, dancing, the dancing looked good. That you were doing. I saw a little bit through the window. You looked…yeah. Good, and stuff.”
It was then that you noticed Hoseok smiling.
You found yourself trailing off, your thoughts becoming even more jumbled.
“Thanks,” he said brightly, readjusting the gym-bag strap around his shoulder. The flush from his shower was still lingering in his cheeks. “I’m glad you liked it.”
You hated the little flutter in your stomach at those words.
He’s your friend, of course he’s happy you like his dancing. That’s just how friendship worked.
Clearing your throat, you elbowed his arm. “Anyway, you still kept me waiting ages, so coffee’s on you.”
Hoseok gave a groan in protest, rubbing his arm. “This definitely qualifies as abuse.”
“Eh, you still love me anyway,” you said, managing to sound casual as you turned to start heading back to your car.
Hoseok followed after you, a beat behind. “…Yeah.”
You almost stumbled.
You were so thankful you had turned away from him, because that one word was enough to make you physically wince.
He said it so easily. It made your chest ache.
Platonic love. Friendly love.
Friends. Friends friends friends.
You tried to remind yourself of your pep-talk. In a week, all this embarrassment and uncomfortable feelings would fade away, and you could go back to normal.
It lasted longer than a week.
It lasted way longer than a week.
And there was no sign of anything being ‘normal’ ever again.
You found yourself hanging onto every little thing about him. How he gushed in praise and awe about the mixtape, about the talents of Suga and RM. How he exhausted himself every day at dance practice, trying to keep his focus when his head was filled with rap. How he giggled about his favourite shows, how he took his coffee, how he never brushed his hair properly.
This was bad.
And worse, you were starting to get paranoid.
What if he noticed? This wasn’t some little silly hormonal urge, this was becoming…obvious.
You tried to keep some distance, spend a little longer responding to texts and phone calls. But he just…wouldn’t let you. He was so eager to talk that you couldn’t resist replying, couldn’t resist listening to the glee in his voice.
“I think I’ve decided what my favourite song on the mixtape is.”
“Really?” You said, curiosity piqued. You had just sat down to dinner - well, if you could call instant ramen and toast ‘dinner’ - with Jungkook. “Which one?”
“It’s actually one of the slower ones that Yoongi wrote. It’s…it’s, like, not sad exactly, but it’s kind of emotional.”
“Oh, cool,” you said, mouth full of ramen. “What’s it about?”
“Just kind of…being around someone. Not quite pining, but like appreciating their qualities, how they make you feel. Basking in someone.”
The food in your mouth turned tasteless. You forced yourself to swallow it down, your mouth rapidly drying as your heart began to beat faster. “Uh-huh. Sounds nice.”
“Yeah, it…it reminds me of you, actually.”
Your heart stopped.
You stared blankly ahead.
Oh fuck. He knew.
You almost dropped your phone.
Tears stung the corners of your eyes.
Fuck. Fuck fuck fuckfuckfuck he knew.
“W-why do you say that?” You asked, borderline hysteric in your panic.
“Um, well I-”
You steamrolled ahead. “It doesn’t sound like me at all. I don’t have time for pining stuff, I just tell people when I like them, it makes it so simple.”
A loud, slightly-strangled cough from across the table caught your attention.
You looked up to see Jungkook giving you…possibly the most judgemental stare you had ever witnessed in your life.
You almost missed Hoseok’s quiet reply. “…Oh.”
“Yep. I’m just an open book like that,” you said, forcing a laugh. “But no, seriously, the song sounds pretty cool. Do I maybe get a little sneak preview soon?”
“Um…maybe, it’s just…uh, not finished yet. It’s probably going to be a while.”
“Oh,” you said, disappointment colouring your tone. “Fair enough, I guess. You hyped me up, that’s all. How’s it going, then? Are you guys recording yet?”
He didn’t reply.
You waited, smile disappearing as time went on. “Hoseok? You there?”
“…Um…yeah, yeah I am. Sorry, I just…I think I have to go soon, I’ve got dance practice at 7.”
“Whoa, so late?” You asked. As far as you knew, they never started that late before. “Wow, they’re really pushing you guys this year. Let me know if it gets too much, OK?”
“Mm-hm.”
He didn’t say anything else. You found yourself a little lost, like you’d missed a step in a routine and now you were a beat apart from everything else. “Um…I’ll see you later, then?”
“…Yeah, see you. Bye.”
“Bye.”
He hung up on you, leaving you staring at your phone in confusion.
Something felt off.
You glanced over at Jungkook, who was busy slurping up noodles. Should you talk to him about it?
Before you could make up your mind, Jungkook caught you staring at him. He gulped down the noodles and reached for his water. “Something wrong?”
“I’m…kind of worried about Hoseok.”
Jungkook frowned, immediately concerned. “Why? What happened?”
You didn’t know how to reply. You couldn’t put into words exactly what was wrong. Hoseok won’t let me listen to a half-finished song? Hoseok said goodbye too quickly? Hoseok hung up first, like he sometimes does, but this time it feels weird?
“I think he’s got a lot on his plate,” you finally replied, settling on a concern easy enough to explain. “It sounds like they’re really increasing the workload at his dance practice.”
Jungkook’s eyes lit up. “Oh, yeah. Jimin was complaining about that the other day. He had to wake up, like, super early.”
Huh. You supposed that made sense. If they were doing extra classes early in the morning, it was just as likely that they were doing extra classes later in the evening too.
“Oh, speaking of Jimin, he’s dyed his hair again…”
Wait, with all those extra practices, was Hoseok eating enough? Sleeping enough? Maybe you should offer to make something, like an after-practice snack. Some actual food. You could probably Google some recipes. Maybe kimchi? How hard was it to pickle something-
“Wow.”
You blinked, Jungkook’s awed tone catching you off-guard.
He was staring at you with a mix of amusement and deepest sympathy.
“You’ve got it bad.”
“Huh?”
“I just told you Jimin’s dyed his hair.”
You nodded. “Uh-huh.”
Jungkook kept staring at you. “Jimin. Literally last month, he parted his hair differently and you freaked the fuck out and blew up my phone for two days about it.”
“I think you’re exaggerating a little…”
“I have seen you stare open-mouthed at him for five whole minutes. I timed it and everything. Now I tell you he’s dyed his whole hair and you don’t bat an eye? I repeat, you have it so bad for Hobi.”
You had no response.
Jungkook reached over and patted you gently on the hand. “There, there.”
“I…I…” You pulled your hand back, suddenly defensive. “I still find him pretty!”
“I’m sure you do.”
“And…and hot!”
“Uh-huh.”
“I’d totally let him do things to me. Bad things. Anything he’d like.”
“Is this still Jimin? Because now it sounds like you’re talking about Hobi.”
“…Jeon Jungkook!” You gasped, scandalised, punching his shoulder. “Too. Far.”
Jungkook burst into laughter at your expression, going so far as to wipe away a tear.
You scowled at him, aggressively tearing pieces out of your toast.
When his hysterical laughter - at his own joke - subsided, Jungkook picked up his noodle cup, sensing it was time to change the subject before you could commit murder. “So, uh…I think I have a date next week.”
What?
Yep, that was definitely enough to break you out of your sulk. Your mortification melted into pure delight. “What?”
“Maybe. I’m not sure.”
“You realise you need to tell me everything. Everything. Immediately.”
Jungkook smiled shyly, and launched into his story.
You sat across from him, focusing on every word, trying to push any Hoseok-related thoughts out of your mind.
But still, you couldn’t ignore the last lingering traces of worry in the pit of your stomach.
You hadn’t heard from Hoseok in days.
It didn’t sound all that dramatic, except this was the guy who messaged you every single day, even just to say hi. He hadn’t been this radio-silent in years.
You found yourself moping around in your favourite cafe, waiting and hoping for him to wander through the door. It got to the point that even the barista there noticed, and once gave you a free muffin with your coffee, unmistakable pity in his deep voice when he told you it was ‘on the house’.
You wandered over to the dance studio once or twice, feeling like a creep as you peeked through the window. You saw him there sometimes, going over incredibly complex-looking choreography, but there were two exits out of the building and you were never able to catch him at the right one. Not even the occasional greeting from pretty-boy Jimin - his hair now a shocking shade of silver - could do anything to lift you out of your miserable spirits.
Your calls always went unanswered. You had received exactly one reply to your messages. It was in response to a particularly concerned message on your part, telling him how worried you were and if something bad had happened - if you had done something bad.
“Sry. Just need some time to myself. Will talk soon.”
That was a week ago. Every message you had sent since had been left on read.
So, that was why tonight, you found yourself standing outside a seedy-looking bar at 2:30am, arguing with a bouncer.
“Look, I’ve been here before. I was here with Hoseok. J-Hope?”
The bouncer shrugged. “J-Hope didn’t say he was bringing a +1 tonight. And no one new has been invited. I suggest you head home, sweetheart.”
You crossed your arms, repressing the urge to rub your hands against them for warmth. It was freezing. This had been a spur-of-the-moment decision, which meant you hadn’t even remembered to put a jacket over your camisole.
“Yeah, please don’t call me ‘sweetheart’. Can you just tell me if he’s in there tonight?”
The bouncer remained stoic in the face of your shivering pleas. “No.”
This dude was easily over a foot taller than you and built like a tank, and you were still seriously considering the idea of throwing a punch.
Instead, you tried to use your brain.
“…OK, ask Suga. Yoongi, even!” You added, remembering his real name.
The bouncer still looked unconvinced.
“Hey, if I’m really just some weird groupie, you think Suga won’t immediately shut the door in my face? Huh?”
You couldn’t believe you were relying entirely on Suga, and his penchant for being an asshole.
And you really couldn’t believe it actually worked.
Reluctantly, the bouncer turned to duck his head behind the door, asking for someone to bring Suga to the front entrance.
You waited, still shivering. Your lilac camisole was literally part of your pyjama set, complete with little cartoon moons, and you’d just barely stopped on your way out the door to throw on a pair of baby-blue jeans.
You honestly weren’t sure whether the pink sundress wasn’t a step up.
Finally - finally - the door swung open to reveal a familiar scowling face. You never thought you’d be happy to see that minty mop of hair.
As soon as he saw you, he rolled his eyes. “Of course it’s you.”
“Surprise,” you said, unable to resist just a little quipping. “I’m sure you’ve missed me.”
He looked you up and down, eyes catching on the lacy neckline of the camisole. “So…do you actually own anything that isn’t the colour of a Care Bear, or…?”
He accompanied his words with a vague gesture to your body.
You tilted your head to the side.
“I’m sorry, are you sniping at me for wearing pastels when you have that hair colour?”
Suga’s lips thinned, eyes narrowing. For a horrible second, you thought you’d blown your chance of getting in. You could just picture him slamming the door and storming off.
Instead, he shrugged. “Touché.”
The bouncer interjected nervously. “No one said anything about bringing a +1 tonight, and I didn’t want to assume without confirming with Rap-”
“Yeah, yeah,” Suga said, glancing over at him. “I dunno, put her down as my +1 or whatever. Does that work?”
It may have been a question, but Suga didn’t wait for an answer. Instead, he reached over to pull you in by the wrist.
His grip was tight, his fingers long enough that they curled around your wrist easily, meeting his thumb at the first knuckle. He glanced down at his hand for a second, before pulling you inside completely. “Come on.”
Inside was just as stark and grimy as last time, but it was oddly reassuring. You’d made it in.
Rather than take you into the main performance area, however, Suga led you down a side corridor and into a supply closet. Turning the lights on, Suga turned to fix you with an expectant look. “So, you want to tell me why you’re here? Without an invite?”
You swallowed. You thought you’d moved past being intimidated by Suga, but being alone in a room together was just a little bit nerve-wracking. Not even a room. A closet.
“It’s…um…it’s Hoseok,” you said, wilting a little under his stare.
“I gathered. You’re not exactly gonna be paying me a visit.”
You ignored his sharp tone, your eyes lowering to the floor as you let out your deepest concern.
“I think he’s avoiding me.”
There was a pause.
“Well, yeah. Duh.”
Your head snapped up.
“…Wait, what?”
Suga leaned against the closed door, frowning as always. “I mean, going by what he said about you, of course he’s avoiding you.”
You deflated.
What he said about …
You couldn’t breathe. This was…this was exactly the thing you were afraid of.
He knew, and you had ruined your friendship.
“He found out I like him, didn’t he?”
Suga blinked.
His mouth opened, then shut.
Then opened again.
“…Sorry, what?”
Your throat was closing up. You tried to swallow back the emotion, but there was no mistaking the tears welling up in your eyes. You blinked them back, trying to ignore the way Suga was staring at you.
“I’m…I’m gonna go. This was a terrible idea-”
“Oh my God, you’re both morons.”
He said it like he just discovered the meaning of life.
His sudden insult caught you immediately off-guard. “What?”
“Complete fucking morons,” he muttered to himself, shaking his head in apparent awe. He then looked you square in the eye. “Just…he’s upstairs in RM’s office. Go talk to him. Now. For all our sakes.”
You tensed, fear twisting your gut. “But-”
“If you don’t go talk to him, I’m dropping him off the mixtape.”
Suga’s threat was like a solid hit to the chest, forcing all the air out of your lungs. “What? Why the fuck would you do that?!”
“Whoa, you kiss your mother with that mouth, Princess?” He asked, his voice mocking, a dark gleam appearing in his eyes.
You ignored his taunt, furious. “Dropping Hoseok from the mixtape would crush him!”
Suga shrugged, reaching behind him to open the door. “Huh. Well, I guess you better go talk to him then.”
You stared at him. He stared back calmly, not a chance of even budging an inch.
This was happening, whether you liked it or not.
Letting out a shaky breath, you steeled yourself and stepped forward, brushing past him as you made your way through the door.
Suga suddenly interjected. “I…”
You stopped, turning around expectantly.
Suga was still staring at you, but the expression on his face had changed. Your brow furrowed in confusion, just as his did. As if his own interruption had caught him off-guard too.
Eventually, his face smoothed back out to that familiar deadpan. “Never mind. Go do it.”
The walk up the stairs to RM’s office felt like a death march.
You were about to humiliate yourself, confess all your gross feelings to your uncomfortable best friend and plead with him to stop avoiding you.
How do you even start?
Hoseok, I ’m sorry, just let me sort myself out, I promise I can just be your friend.
Hoseok, please, I can get over this gross stuff in no time.
Jung Hoseok, get over yourself, you promised we would be best friends forever when we were six and I am holding you to that!
Hoseok, your rap partner dude is an asshole, forget I ever said he was cute.
Hobi, I miss you. Sorry I made it weird.
You found yourself staring at the closed door in front of you, trying your hardest to breathe normally.
Think…think positively.
Hopefully, this could save your friendship. Direct communication, addressing…issues.
And clearly Hoseok’s discomfort was affecting his work on the mixtape, judging by Suga’s eagerness to get you to speak to him. If anything else, maybe this would help him.
Just go in there, suffer a few minutes of awkward embarrassment, then rush home and cry into ice-cream.
You could do this.
Summoning your courage, you knocked firmly on the door.
There was a pause, before the door swung open.
Your stomach twisted at the sight of a surprised RM.
Oh…fun. More witnesses to your humiliation.
And mother-fluffer, he was a tall man. You found yourself at eye-level with the dip of his v-neck shirt, in the split-second before you tilted your head up to look him in the face.
“Um, hi. Sorry to interrupt, sir.”
The ‘sir’ slipped out before you could stop it. Your mouth immediately snapped shut, lips pressing together.
RM’s eyebrows shot up, before he let out a chuckle. “Gotta say, never been called that before.”
“…Right,” you mumbled, only slightly reassured that he took it so well. “Sorry, that…was not intentional.”
“Don’t apologise, it was cute.”
Please stop.
“I need to speak to Hoseok. Is he in there?” You asked, pulling yourself together.
RM turned to glance over his shoulder, and paused. When he spoke, his voice was sterner. Almost pointed, as he continued to look behind him. “Yes. Yes, he is.”
You broke out into a sweat, nerves spiking. “Can I talk to him? In private?”
RM turned back to look at you, taking in your expression, before eventually nodding. “Sure.”
He brushed past you on the way out, and gave you a pat on the shoulder. You couldn’t tell if it was meant to be reassuring, or just…pitying.
You took a deep breath, squared your shoulders and stepped inside before you could chicken out.
Do it for Hoseok. Do it for his spot on the mixtape.
You spotted Hoseok at the far end of the room, and your senses were engulfed in that now-familiar haze of ‘yep, still super hot’.
But not even your momentary fascination with the tight black t-shirt he was sporting could stop you from noticing the panic in his eyes as he looked at you.
It was like a blow to the gut. In over a decade and a half of friendship, Hoseok had never looked at you like that.
“H-Hobi…”
You watched him glance away, swallowing so thickly that his Adam’s-apple bobbed.
Oh Christ, this was going to be difficult.
A few minutes of agony. Rip off that band-aid. Then, you can get the hell out.
“I’m sorry!”
“I’m sorry!”
You both blurted out, simultaneously, breaking the silence.
Then, the two of you paused. “…What?”
Hoseok took a step forward, the panic in his face melting away to apologetic. “I…I’ve been dumb and avoiding you and I shouldn’t have.”
“What? No, I’m sorry. I made things all weird and now I just want to fix things.”
“‘Fix things’?”
“Us. Our friendship, it’s all…” You took a deep breath and then, the floodgates opened and words came pouring out. “It’s all weird now and it means so much to me and now I’ve broken it and I just…I just want to apologise because I miss you so much and-”
You were cut off, as Hoseok threw his arms around you, pulling you into the tightest hug he could manage. You pressed your forehead against his shoulder, and he squeezed even tighter.
“Oh my God, don’t cry! Don’t cry, don’t cry, please don’t cry,” he pleaded, renewed panic pushing his voice up a few octaves. “You don’t have to apologise for anything. “OK?”
“But I-”
“It’s not your fault, this is all me,” Hoseok put both hands on your shoulders and pulled away to look you in the eye. “I just wanted some space, to deal with…I didn’t think how much it would affect you. I should be the one apologising. Not you.”
You squeezed your eyes shut.
Gently, shyly, he lifted his hand to stroke your hair in reassurance. “Nothing’s broken. And nothing is your fault.”
You opened your eyes again, and it was…it was like staring at a whole new Hoseok. Not angry, motor-mouthed J-Hope. Not carefree, fun-loving Hobi. He was…Hoseok. Kind, compassionate, warm Hoseok. Your best friend. Yours.
For the first time in a long time, you couldn’t help but smile. “Still best friends?”
“Always best friends,” Hoseok replied, pulling you back into a hug.
You melted, returning the hug just as tightly. You could have burst from sheer relief. Everything was right with the world again. You had your Hoseok.
One faint little curiosity nagged at you. Was it worth even bringing up?
Eh, screw it. Bring it all out in the open now, and then you could put it behind you.
“When did you even find out?” You asked, managing to keep your voice light. The last thing you wanted was to bring the mood right back down to all dour and angsty.
“Find out?”
“Yeah, you know, about my gross mushy feelings?”
You felt every single muscle in Hoseok’s body tense around you.
It felt like you were hugging a statue - that was how suddenly he had frozen at your words.
“…What?”
Wait, what? What did he mean ‘what’?
Did he not…know?
Oh, fuck. FUCK.
You pushed yourself away, breaking out of his grip to stare at him in growing dread. “That was why you were avoiding me, wasn’t it? You found out about me and the…the whole crush thing.”
Hoseok was still staring wide-eyed at you.
When he finally spoke, it was barely a whisper.
“You have a crush on me?”
“I…maybe. A tiny one. Barely,” you replied, becoming increasingly defensive at his…whatever the hell this reaction was. “But you knew this already.”
“I really didn’t.”
You blinked, trying to comprehend this information. But…the avoiding, the weird stuff. He had to know. Otherwise, none of this made any sense.
And then, you noticed the corners of Hoseok’s lips twitch upwards into a smile.
“You have a crush on me?” He repeated, with just a little bit of glee creeping into his tone.
“I swear to God, if you laugh at me, I’m going to leave.”
Hoseok’s smile widened, and he repeated the words again softly. “You have a crush on me.”
“I’m going to leave and I’m going to cry. And it will be all your fault.”
At this point, Hoseok was beaming.
You swallowed, trying to ignore how burning hot your face felt. “I’m serious.”
“I know. That’s why I’m…” he trailed off, his face practically splitting in two with the size of his grin. “I have a crush on you too.”
You forgot how to breathe.
It was like his words had wiped every thought you’d ever had from your mind. You could feel your thought process stuttering to a halt. How? What? When?
“I dunno,” Hoseok shrugged, turning a little bit shy. You realised then that you had in fact voiced those panicked questions out loud. “You’ve always been important to me. I just sort of turned around one day and it was like…it was obvious. Of course it’s you. You’re…you.”
Your lips parted, as you struggled to draw breath. Your head didn’t get any clearer from his reply. On the contrary, you weren’t quite sure you could think ever again.
“Holy fuck,” you mumbled, eyes widening.
Hoseok blinked, jarred out of his blushing confession by your words. “Wait a second, did you just swea-”
He cut himself off when your hands found the collar of his jacket, pulling yourself forward to close the gap between you almost entirely. Still barely able to string more than two words together in your mind, you at least had the sense to give him second’s pause to back out.
And then, when he didn’t - when he leaned closer, brushing the tip of his nose against yours - did you finally tilt your head and press your lips against his.
It was…surreal.
You’re kissing Hoseok.
You’re kissing your best friend.
You’re kissing the guy you used to trade Pokémon cards with.
And it was…really nice.
You felt Hoseok’s hands reach for your hips, almost cautious in how gently they rested against the faded denim.
When you finally pull away for air, you feel the soft exhale of Hoseok’s giggle. “Holy shit.”
You grinned, eyes closing. “I second that.”
“We’re kissing.”
“I know. It’s, it’s a little weird, but like-”
“A really good weird.”
“A great weird.”
“Fuck,” Hoseok mumbled, and met your lips halfway for another kiss.
Your hands slid up from his collar to his shoulders, then up to his hair. It was so soft.
Absent-mindedly, your fingers curled around these silky strands, accidentally catching and pulling.
There was a sharp intake of breath from Hoseok.
And then it was like a switch had been flipped.
Hoseok’s grip tightened, hands sliding up your sides. Your shirt must have ridden up slightly, but that barely registered as a thought in your mind because holy shit you could feel Hoseok’s bare hands on your skin. Delicious shivers made their way up your spine, forcing a shaky inhale of your own.
You pulled him closer to you, revelling in the warm feel of his chest against yours, in feeling just a little dwarfed by the sheer size of him wrapped around you. You angled your head, fingers tightening in Hoseok’s hair, drawing a gasp out of him.
You felt his hands slide lower, and your brain had the split-second register of “huh, back to hips?” before it was suddenly shocked into…
He’s touching the butt.
Hoseok’s hands. Are on. Your butt.
He squeezed the denim-covered flesh, and it was enough to make you whimper against his mouth.
Hoseok’s eyes snapped open at the sound, his head pulling back just a few millimetres. His pupils were blown so wide, they almost swallowed up the brown of his irises.
The sight made you swallow.
With an absolutely wicked smile, Hoseok gave your ass another squeeze before lifting you clean off your feet. You made another sound - half-yelp, half-gasp - and locked your legs around him for support. He walked you back one, two, three steps, to the table in the middle of the room and set you down. Before you could get your breath back, his mouth was back on yours.
Your legs didn’t move from around his waist, keeping him firmly in place.
And he really didn’t seem to mind.
His hands were back up under your shirt, leaving trails of goosebumps in their wake. You tightened your grip on his hair with one hand, while the other found itself anywhere and everywhere. His neck, his shoulders, the hint of collarbone peaking out over the neckline of his shirt. Your palm smoothed over the fabric covering his chest, his stomach, his hip.
A sudden spark of an idea entered into your hazy mind.
Slowly, perfectly innocently, you let one finger dip into his waistband, nail gently scraping against the sensitive skin just south of his abdomen.
Hoseok shivered in your arms, lips parting as his breath caught.
It was obvious exactly where this was going. Part of you was very tempted to say ‘screw it!’ and go along with it.
But another part of you - arguably the smarter part - reminded you exactly where you were, and that maybe you should cool your jets a little.
Regretfully, you pulled away, leaning your forehead against his in an effort to stay close - to stay in this warm little bubble of Hobi.
“OK, we need to…” You took a deep breath when Hoseok’s hands shifted at your words, fingertips dragging across your ribs. “We need to pause this, or something. We can’t hook up in RM’s office.”
Slowly, reluctantly, Hoseok nodded. “You’re right.”
Your tongue darted out to wet the bottom of your lip. “It would be…uh, impolite.”
Hoseok’s hands were still under your shirt, now massaging circles into the small of your back. “Probably, yeah.”
“Yep,” you said, increasingly distracted by the feeling of his hands. “But, you know, we could maybe…hook up at my place. At some point. That’s a possibility.”
“Very true. We can also hook up at my place.”
“Endless hook-up possibilities, really…”
“So many. But, uh…” Hoseok trailed off, swallowing. When he spoke again, his voice was still bright and airy but there was just a hint of nerves. “Hook-ups are fun and all, but you know what’s better?”
“What?”
He almost lost his nerves, breaking eye contact to glance at the floor and collect his thoughts. “Dates.”
You blinked, his meaning definitely not lost on you.
He wanted a date.
With you.
He wanted to date you.
…Yes. Yes, please.
“Y-yeah, I hear they’re good. We should do one, soon.”
Hoseok’s smile re-emerged, and it was as beautiful and bright as always. “We should definitely do a date soon.”
“Then, it’s settled. Maybe…maybe coffee? Tomorrow?”
“Sounds great.”
You nodded. “G-good.”
It suddenly occurred to you that your legs were still wrapped around him, and you couldn’t help but flush as you quickly let go. Now that the heat-of-the-moment feeling was slowly fading away, you were feeling just a little self-conscious.
With a smile, Hoseok took your hand and helped you hop down from the table. You found yourself still very much in his space - he hadn’t taken so much as a step back, despite his release from the vice-grip of your thighs. Your chest was still pressed against his, your nose just level with his collarbone, your breath brushing against the collar of his shirt.
Hoseok’s head dipped down, and he planted one gentle kiss on the warm pink of your cheeks.
Your eyes darted to the ground, before slowly making their way back up to his face.
There was a new spark of something in his eyes, and you thought for a second he was about to grab you and kiss you again. You found yourself tensing again, half-excited for round two.
Instead, he grinned and brought both his hands up to squish your cheeks. “You’re so fucking cute. Oh my God, I can finally say that.”
“Shuddup,” you replied, very muffled by the squishing of your cheeks.
You tried to glare at him, but he only grinned wider.
“So. Cute. I could just eat you up.”
You looked him dead in the eye, and reached up to pull his hands away. “Is that a promise?”
Hoseok blinked.
And then fucking choked.
This time, it was you who was grinning as you let his hands drop. He was still spluttering.
“So, meet you at the cafe tomorrow, yeah?”