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“I just think that- well, it’s a complicated situation.” Remus tugged on a piece of thread on the rug. The boy had a knack for pulling on things: his jumper, his hair, anything loose. It made him look small, smaller than a thirteen-year-old should be, but that could just be because he hasn’t reached his growth spurt yet. “Like, you don’t really have a say in when it happens, don’t you? It’s out of the blue. And sometimes there’s gaps between when you get it and when your soulmate gets it, and sometimes it’s not cohesive.”
“What does that mean?” Peter asked. He was sitting criss-cross across from Sirius, in a circle the four marauders had formed on the floor of their dorm. It was the last day before Christmas holiday, and it was their tradition to have these kinds of circle chats late at night. Tonight’s topic: soulmates.
“It means sometimes you aren’t your soulmate’s soulmate.”
Peter dropped his chin to his hand. “That isn’t fair.”
James sighed and rubbed Peter’s back. “I hope I’m Lily’s soulmate.” James had gotten his soulmate mark just last month, during breakfast. James- we didn’t have Potions homework, did we? was now engrained in black on his wrist, with Lily Maura Evans, 29 November 1973, 8:33AM in the tiniest script underneath. It was mundane, but at that moment in the circle James stuck his wrist out for the marauders to see. “Lily still hasn’t gotten hers,” he said.
“Give it time, mate,” Sirius said. “Of course you’re her soulmate- you’re the only bloke in the whole school who can stand her.”
“Oi!” James slapped him with no ill will behind it. “I can’t only stand her, every moment we’re together is one of magic and joy and peace-”
“You’re friends with her, right Remus?” Peter says, nudging him. “You might have some competition, James.”
James throws the nearest object- a pillow that fell from the bed- at Remus, but he only swats it away. “Remus, if you make any kind of move-”
“Please.” Remus holds the pillow in his lap, abandoning the rug to clutch it like a teddy bear. His expression is that of concealed nervousness. Anyone else might have missed it or recognized it as sleepiness, but Sirius knew this look all too well. Sirius slaps his leg- a gesture with the most amount of affection a thirteen-year-old boy could muster.
“Have you found your soulmate yet, Re?”
“Oh, yeah, haven’t I told you? It’s Peter.” Peter blows him a kiss that he catches and holds to his chest. Sirius only slaps him again.
“Okay, but actually. Any clue?” Remus just looks away, the group getting quiet for a moment.
“It’s a sensitive subject.”
“And we’re extremely sensitive people. At least for tonight, we are,” James intercedes. He leans over on his forearms like a girl at a slumber party. “Spill.”
A slight blush comes to Remus’ face, like someone brushed pink sugar across his cheeks. “Well- okay, um- obviously I haven’t found mine yet. Honestly… I just think that- it would be terrible if the other person got it first, or if I got it first, and there was a long gap between, and... “ Remus throws the pillow in the center of the circle, watching it bounce. “That’s if I even have a soulmate-”
“Re-”
“The more I think of it, the idea of soulmates is just rubbish, actually.”
Sirius feels a rock land in the bottom of his stomach. James has started talking, but he can’t hear him. Hearing his best mate say soulmates are rubbish shouldn’t affect him this much, shouldn’t make his skin prick up and his body uncomfortably cold.
It would be nice to be Remus’ soulmate, he thinks. It’s not a rubbish idea.
~
It’s been fifteen months since the marauders began their journey to becoming animagi. Well, three of the marauders- Remus had no clue. But he would soon, after the potion finished its months long brew. The wait drew Sirius insane, but there was no other option than patience.
“When do you think it’ll be ready?” Peter asked from James’ bedroom floor. He squinted at the cauldron, partially blinded from the August sun filtering through his window. “I can’t wait much longer.”
James scrutinized it from above. “I don’t know, I don’t think this matches the picture from the potions book… Anyway, I hope we’d have it done by, say, March, maybe?”
Sirius perked up from his position on the bed. “By Remus’ birthday?”
“Just maybe, mate.”
Sirius grinned. “Perfect. We could give it to him when he turns seventeen.” He bounced off the bed and to the cauldron, where Peter began to stir in sopophorous powder. “That’d be perfect.”
“It would be if you helped out a bit more, Sirius,” Peter complained. Sirius couldn’t hear him. He was imagining the look on Remus’ face when he found out. He would smile that wide smile of his, the rare one that he only made during big events. His nose would crinkle like it always did, and he might cry a bit, but Sirius would be there to wipe those happy tears. They could run through the Forbidden Forest, exploring everything as animals together under full moons. It would be life changing, and it would start on Remus’ birthday.
Sirius can’t wait.
“Hullo? Earth to Sirius?” Peter was waving his hand across his face. “Pass me the rest of the sopophorous.” Sirius did what he was told.
James plopped down next to Peter and dropped his head in his hand. “What do you think our animagi are going to be? I want to be something cool, ya know, and something that would actually help Remus, what about you guys?”
“You’d be a goldfish,” Sirius said. James gasped and threw a book at him in disgrace, while Peter made his famous fish impression.
“You’re all terrible, terrible, I say!” James cried and Sirius and Peter laughed. “Pete, you’d be a nasty rat, and you’re a poodle, Sirius, with your fancy purebred hair-”
Sirius threw back the book, making sure it hit James’ head. “Oi, don’t come at me about my hair!” Peter cackled as they began a wrestling match that distracted them from the sound of the door opening downstairs.
“What’s going on here?” someone said from the doorway of James’ bedroom. James and Sirius shot up, thinking it was Mrs. Potter, but only found Remus, leaning against the frame with a smirk.
It had been a month since they saw each other, but they had kept writing letters so it only felt like a week. But those letters never mentioned Remus’ growth spurt- it must be about three inches. His freckles stood out a bit more from being in the sun so much, and his curls flopped across his eyes. When was the last time he got a haircut? It didn’t matter, Remus always looked good no matter what.
“You grew, Re!” Sirius said, shooting up. He stood close to Remus and used his hand to compare heights. He frowned at the result. “Unfair, now you’re taller than me.”
“Get used to it, Sirius.” Remus spread his arms out. “You’re just mad because you have competition now.
James laughed. “Great to see you again, you’re staying for the rest of holiday, yeah?” Remus walked further into the room, frowning as he noticed the cauldron. Sirius’ stomach dropped, the fucking cauldron. He quickly scooped up the cover and placed it on top. How were they going to cover this?
“Yeah, I am… What are you brewing?”
Sirius patted Remus’ shoulder in an effort to distract him. “I’m brewing a love potion, Re. Is it working?” He finished his sleeze off with a grin.
Remus only scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Don’t be daft, Sirius.” He gave Sirius a small smile and a cold feeling down the back of his spine. Sirius shivered and earned a look from Peter. Thankfully Remus didn’t notice.
“It’s James’ dad’s hair potion. We’re trying to alter it so we can finally fix the rat nest on James’ head,” Peter covered. James’ jaw dropped, shocked into silence as he stared at his friend.
“You stole Mr. Potter’s potion?”
“Yep,” Sirius answered, nodding. He still felt cold, but his heart felt energized. It almost made him sick. James tapped his foot from the ground. You okay? he mouthed. Only then Sirius realized others might notice his predicament.
“I’m cold,” he announced a bit too loudly.
“It’s August,” Peter countered.
“And I am freezing. Can I borrow a jumper?”
“Oh!” Remus slung off his backpack and began rummaging through it. “I brought one, you can borrow mine.”
“Thank you, Rem.” Remus passed him one- a navy blue one that smelled of chocolate and his lemon laundry detergent. As he pulled his arms through the sleeves, trying not to focus on Remus’ off-hand laughs as he listened to a story Peter was telling, he noticed a mark on his wrist that made him feel all the worse.
It was like someone had thrown a rock at him and sent him tumbling down a cliff’s edge. As he read the words on his wrist he fell faster and faster. Remus didn’t even notice.
“Don’t be daft, Sirius.” Remus John Lupin, 23 August, 1976 12:16PM.
His soulmate mark had arrived.
Sirius barely excused himself before rushing to the bathroom. Didn’t James say something about feeling cold when he got his mark before? He never mentioned feeling freezing, or the deafening march of his heart beat, or the grin that rose despite all his best efforts. Sirius read the words three times over, letting himself relish in the feeling of being totally head over heels in love with Remus John Lupin.
Of course Sirius knew he had a crush on his best friend. Remus’ smiles had made Sirius’ stomach do flips for a while now. But being in love- that was a different thing. It sent a shock of fear into his chest, making him splash cold water on his face in the sink. It was also the most exhilarating feeling in the world, like he had drunk pure adrenaline. He was in love with Remus John Lupin.
What is he going to do?
Sirius pressed his hands against the sink as he stared into his dripping reflection. He had successfully washed away his flush but a hint of a smile still remained. He couldn’t help it- there’s definitely far worse people to have as your soulmate. He might be stuck with this feeling for the rest of the week, and how would he hide it? How was he going to tell James and Peter, who didn’t even know he had a crush on Remus in the first place?
A loud knock on the door startled Sirius out of his internal monologue. “Sirius?” James called as he knocked. “Are you dying in there, mate?” Sirius dried his face with a towel, bit his tongue to pull back the smile, and opened the door.
“What do you want?”
“You’ve been in here for, like, ten minutes, mate. Are you sick?”
“No, I’m not sick.”
James frowned. “You’re acting weird.”
Sirius knew better than to hide such a thing from his best friend. He also knew that, if he didn’t tell, then James would find out anyway. (He also had the worst itch to tell someone, to scream to the world that his soul was made for Remus John Lupin, the world’s kindest, smartest, and damn most handsome bloke in the world. It had become suffocating.) James was already beginning to look him up and down as if examining broken goods.
“C’mon, did something happen in there? You can tell me!” James whined. Sirius grabbed his hand and pulled him inside, slamming the door.
“You have to promise not to tell anyone. Not even Pete or-” his breath caught on his name- “Remus.”
“Why? What happened?”
“Just listen, okay?” Sirius pulled down his sleeve to reveal the tiny black script laced across his wrist. He couldn’t pull his eyes off James as he read, his jaw slipping and eyes widening until he became incredulous.
“Remus? Our Remus? Why Remus?” James rambled. His head bobbed up and down between Sirius’ wrist, which he clutched like a lifeline, and his face.
“Are you upset?”
“Of course not, mate, I love Remus, he’s a catch, but-” he let go of Sirius to flap his arms like a bird. “Remus! This is amazing!”
“Say it a bit louder, James, I don’t think he heard you.”
James laughed as he grabbed Sirius by the shoulders. “What are you going to do, mate? You’re in love with your best friend!” James paused his riot when he registered Sirius’ anxiety. “Wait, are you going to tell him?”
“James, you dolt, of course not. I’m not going to be like you and proclaim it in the Great Hall in two seconds.”
“Hey, don’t harass me for something I did in third year, okay? We’ve moved on.”
“It needs to be at the perfect time. It doesn’t have to be soon, but I am going to tell him.”
James wiggled his eyebrows. “Do you have a plan, Romeo?”
Sirius groaned and pulled off the jumper, no longer cold. “It’ll be better than yours.”
~
Sirius spent his empty moments during the last week of holiday imagining just how he’d tell Remus. Keeping it a secret was difficult, but with the help of James’ mother’s makeup and his impeccable lying ability, no one else had a clue. Though he knew it was for the best, something kept scratching inside his stomach whenever he saw Remus. He’d feel it whenever he made Remus smile, or when they played Queen and all danced together and he watched Remus trip over himself and fall into the coffee table, or when Remus offered him help with riding the muggle tube through London. It was always there. Sirius’ insides are probably covered in scratch marks now. Probably bleeding, too.
Remus Lupin sure is doing a number on him.
It was raining when they were set to leave for Hogwarts, so Sirius didn’t need to use makeup to cover his mark today. Instead, he wore his leather jacket, which fell to his wrists perfectly. Besides, he needed it to be exposed today. He has a plan. Which involves a certain Lily Evans. He’s keeping it a secret, because if James knew his goal for this train ride he’d immediately want in. James would see it as a possibility to make a show of his mark on her again (that sounds disgusting because, the way he does it, it is disgusting). Sirius needed alone time with Lily.
Sirius approached her the second he noticed her step away from her family. Ditching his luggage with Peter, he marched towards her and stood directly in her path. Lily, being the fierce woman she is, forced through with a side step, but Sirius could not be taken down. He grabbed her shoulders instead.
“Good morning, Evans,” he greeted with a smile. She only pushed him aside.
“What do you want, Black?” she asked in return. She wasn’t hostile, just surprised to see a marauder eager to see her. Her guard was still up, though, and her eyes scanned behind Sirius for the rest of them. “It’s a bit early in the year for a prank. I don’t want you scaring off the first years before they even get sorted, Sirius.”
“Oh, you think so lowly of me,” Sirius whined.
“I’ve learned from experience. What are you up to?” Lily crossed her arms right below a particular pin on the sleeve of her bag.
“Prefect!? Oh, of course you’re the prefect, Evans.” Hopefully this will get James back to his wits around this girl- no marauder could ever date a prefect. (Remus is the exception, of course.)
“Thank you for your congratulations, Sirius. It was a pleasure talking to you.” Lily grabbed her luggage and purposefully bumped his shoulder as she passed. With another question to whatever deity as of what James could possibly see in her, Sirius sighed and stuck with Lily as she walked onto the train anyway.
“I need your support-”
“I’m not planning a prank for you.”
“Geez, Evans, why would we allow you to work on our pranks? Anyway, you’re the only person I can ask this.” Sirius rubbed the spot where his mark was. It somehow felt more alive now that it wasn’t hidden under makeup. It sounds ridiculously stupid, but Sirius is dying to show it off. He needs all his self control to keep from pulling up his sleeve and showing the whole Hogwarts Express his mark.
“No, I’m not going on a date with James, either.” Lily waved to one of her girl friends and gave Sirius a side look as she began to approach her. Sirius, in a moment of panic, pushed her into the nearest empty room.
“Hey! What are you-”
“Calm down! Calm down, this isn’t about you.”
“Well I damn well disagree, you just locked me in a train car-” Lily’s words dissolved in her mouth when she noticed Sirius’ bare arm. He forced it in front of her face to read. Sirius felt the familiar heat rise up his neck as Lily cooed over his words. It wasn’t a good feeling.
“Sirius, this is so cute!” she fawned. “Remus… did you tell him?”
“That’s what I wanted to ask you about. Remus hasn’t gotten his mark yet.”
Lily’s face immediately morphed into a pout. This is why Sirius hated birds- they always got too sentimental about this kind of things. “Aw, Sirius, that’s terrible. How did you get it?”
Sirius thought back to the moment it happened. The memory feels like a familiar story to him now, forever ingrained in his mind, from how often he relived it. Just thinking about the way Remus said those words (with a scoff and an emphasis on daft) made the corners of his mouth tick up.
“Aw!” Lily said. And there goes that soft memory. Sirius glared at her. “Don’t look at me like that. Are you going to tell me?”
“Nope,” Sirius said, popping the p. “All you need to know is that Remus is my soulmate and I need him to realize I am his.” He forced Lily to sit with him with a plop and grabbed her hands in a death hold. “Lily Evans, you are the only person I can trust with this duty-”
“What about James and Peter?”
“Will you stop interrupting? And, no, they’ll go blabbing or give bull advice. I need you, dear Evans, because you’re friends with Remus and can help him fall in love with me.”
Lily shook her head. “I’m not going to help you force romance, Sirius. That just won’t end well. Besides, you’re his friend, too. I’m sure he’ll come around and get his mark eventually-”
“I can’t wait for ‘eventually!’” Sirius said, lying his head against the wall, feeling awfully bad for himself. Lily, it seemed, couldn’t relate: if her chuckles meant anything, she was enjoying the show. “Listen, I need to know what to do. I need him to realize I’m his soulmate.”
“How do you feel around him?”
“Nope, I’m not answering that question. You’re just trying to hear me pine.” Sirius, actually, pines all the time- but it’s always to himself, and he doesn’t want anyone like Lily knowing.
“Maybe I am. I’m no love expert, Black, but maybe you can try… initiating something?”
Sirius gasped. “Evans, you little minx-”
She rolls her eyes. “Not like that. Try charming him. Do cute little things and see how he reacts.”
“What kind of little things?”
Lily hums as she thinks. “Does he like gifts?”
Sirius remembers every Christmas and birthday of Remus’, and how everytime he received a gift, no matter how big or small, he would scrunch up his nose and give a small smile and a very nice thank you in a quiet voice because his gratefulness blocked his throat. “Yes.”
“Then get him gifts. Listen to what he says. Try flirting with him a little. But don’t go overboard, Black.”
“What makes you think I would?”
Lily sighs. “Be careful, Sirius. Please.”
Sirius nods. “I won’t mess this up.”
~
The animagus potion needs to brew for six months before it’s ready. They already made the base, but all the other ingredients could only be found in Hogwarts’ dungeon. Which means the marauders have to be sneaky, especially if they don’t want Remus to know. But that’s never been a problem for them before.
On their second night of Hogwarts, once Remus is asleep, James casts a silencing charm and wraps the Invisibility Cloak around them. They’re becoming a bit too big for this, or the cloak is becoming a bit too small, and their feet stick out like mice. But Remus can’t see them, and no one will be staring at the ground when searching for loiterers at night, so this will work.
They make it to the dungeon in one piece, and disperse to search for the necessary ingredients. Sirius finds his quickly- his ingredients were all conveniently placed in the same cupboard- and turns around to see James’ struggling.
“Hey, Jamie,” Sirius whispers a few feet away. James turns around, still reaching up to pull down various vials. Sirius adjusts his grip on his own and steps over. “I have a question.”
“Is it relevant?”
“Of course it’s relevant- well, relevant to me. But you should care.”
James rolls his eyes rather dramatically as he pulls down another vial. It is not what he was looking for. “Is this about Remus again?”
“How’d you know?” Sirius asks, offended.
“Because he’s the only thing you want to talk about anymore, mate.” Sirius feels a rush of heat climb up his neck. Is he that obvious? “But that’s okay, mate. What’s up?”
“I want to get him a gift.”
“Hah!” James’ laughs, loud enough that Peter looks over. Sirius slaps a hand over James’ mouth.
“Jeez, guys, do you want to be found out?” Peter says, stumbling over.
James yanks Sirius’ hand away. “What are you, a bird, now? C’mon, Siri, that has to be the girliest thing you’ve ever said, yeah?”
Peter sticks his head between the two. “What did you say, Sirius?”
“Sirius wants to buy Remus a gift!”
The heat climbing up Sirius’ neck has now reached the tip of his ears. “Oh, sod off, both of you. I’m just trying to charm him. I know that idea sounds foreign to you, James, but it means I don’t go crawling all over him and begging for his hand in marriage. I do it slowly, try to earn his confidence, and before you know it he’s got his soulmate mark.”
“Wait,” Peter asks, raising his hand like in class. “Sirius, did you get your soulmate mark?”
It was at that moment he remembered that he never told Peter.
Sirius sticks his finger in Peter’s face. “Peter, you better not say a fucking word of this to anyone, got it?”
Peter raised his hands in mock surrender (emphasis on the ‘mock’) as he giggled at Sirius’ expense. “But with Remus?”
James clapped Peter on the shoulder. “ That’s what I said, Pete.”
“Hey, what's wrong with Remus?”
“Nothing’s wrong with him, he’s just our best bloke. I just think it’s cute, yeah? Childhood sweethearts and all!”
Sirius thought his face would explode if he got any warmer. “Can we please get back to the topic at hand? I want to get him a gift. What should it be?”
“Get him chocolate. He loves chocolate,” Peter supplied with a shrug.
“Wow, Peter, I hadn’t thought of that.” Sirius paused before rolling his eyes. “That’s so obvious, Peter. I need something more special.”
“Oi, don’t be mean to Pete,” James said, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. “I’m with the chocolate idea, mate. It’s a classic, yeah? Don’t you want to start small, too? Don’t scare him off, mate.”
Sirius crossed his arms. “Fine. But what kind of chocolate?”
“Dude, his favorite is the caramel one from Honeydukes. Get that one,” says Peter.
“Yeah, but we always get him that one.”
James’ rolls his eyes. “Because it’s good. Stop overthinking it, mate. We can sneak out to Honeydukes and get it for him tomorrow, yeah?” Sirius nods.
A few days later, once Sirius has obtained the chocolate, he approaches Remus as they walk to their first class together.
“Morning, Remus,” Sirius says, with a lot of self restraint. He can’t go wrapping his arm around his soulmates’ waist just yet, even though he’s itching with the desire. (A whole month later, and the thought of Remus being his soulmate still twists his stomach and forces him into a smile. If he told James, he wouldn’t stop making fun of him for a week.)
“Good morning,” Remus replies. Sirius pulls the chocolate out from inside his robes when Remus is still staring ahead. He hopes his soulmate (his soulmate!) doesn’t notice the blush rising up his neck.
“I got you something,” he says, handing Remus the chocolate with a flourish. It’s in a small, gold wrapped box that he recognizes immediately.
“You got me chocolate,” Remus says with a smile. It’s not Sirius’ favorite kind, the one where he scrunches his nose, but this one will do just nicely. Sirius watches as he takes off the cover and sees all the tiny chocolates lined up and pops one into his mouth. The smile grows until it reaches his eyes when he bites into it, and Sirius might die right then and there. It seems that, instead of making Remus fall in love with him, Sirius is only falling in love more. Is that even possible?
“Thank you, Sirius,” Remus says, pulling Sirius out of his reverie.
“Oh, it was nothing,” Sirius replies. He tries giving his own dazzling smile back.
“So what’s the occasion?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, what’s this for? You’re not the spontaneous gift type. Are you trying to butter me up or something?” Remus asks. He’s still joking around, but that doesn’t change the disappointment that’s brewing inside Sirius.
“Can’t a bloke give his best friend a gift every now and then?” Sirius bumps shoulders with Remus, who bumps back.
“It’s just suspicious, that’s all.”
“I can’t believe you’d be suspicious of me, Re.”
“You don’t have the cleanest track record.”
Sirius gasps and places a hand to his chest. “I can’t believe you’d say that about me.”
Remus laughs at that- his best laugh, too. He tilts his head back and scrunches his nose for a split second and, wow, how could Sirius not snog him senseless right then and there? But he doesn’t, and that’s really a testament to his self-control, because they’re walking by a window now and the sunlight is making his tawny hair glow.
Once Remus stops laughing, he pops another chocolate in his mouth. “Well, thank you anyway, Sirius.”
Sirius smiles. “It’s my pleasure .
~
Two months and many chocolates and trinkets later, Sirius bombardes Lily in the library. He slams down some books he stole from the shelves for show on top of the table and slides into the chair next to her. Lily is not as enthusiastic about this visitor. She takes a deep breath through her nose, centering herself, before looking up to Sirius with a death glare.
“It’s about Remus,” Sirius says before she could insult him. Her glare immediately melts and is a soft look that immediately makes him feel warm. “Oh, don’t look at me like that.”
“I’m sorry, it’s just- you’re so cute around him, have you noticed that?”
“No, Evans, I haven’t noticed that because I’m not cute around him.”
“You kind of are.”
Sirius grabs a book and slams it against his head dramatically. “Ugh. Okay. We’re not having this conversation.” He picks his head up against the book to stare at Lily again. “I tried giving him gifts. Now what?”
Lily places her chin in her hand. “What have you given him?”
“Chocolates, candies, those small moisturizer bottles he likes because his skin is dry all the time, small stuffed animals-”
“You bought him stuffed animals?” Lily hides her giggles behind her hand.
“He likes them! Ironically. He keeps them on his bedside table.”
“Wow. You two are quite the pair.”
Sirius crosses his arms. “Okay, well, I would like to know what I should do next, please.”
“Calm down, Black. Have you tried flirting with him?”
Sirius had, in fact, considered flirting with him. He had even tried in the past, before he got his soulmate mark. He flashes back to the incident which got him his mark, which was a bad idea because it always got him smiling.
“Oh, I see you have,” Lily says behind her giggles. What’s up with birds and giggling?
“Actually, Evans, I have not.”
Lily gives him a surprised look. “Really?”
“What kind of bloke do you take me for?”
She rolls her eyes. “Okay, then. Give it a try, but don’t be overly lewd about it. Start with compliments, then progress onto implying your feelings-”
“Woah, woah, hold on.” Sirius waves his arms around before settling them onto Lily’s arm. “There is no way I’m telling him anything until he gets his mark first.”
“Why don’t you want him to know? To be honest, I thought you would have declared it from the rooftops by now.” Believe him, Sirius wished he could do just that. But although he is dramatic, he is also considerate, and wouldn’t want to embarrass Remus like that. (However, Remus is quite adorable when embarrassed, but now that thought is getting him pining again, and will have to stop there.)
“He thinks it’s insincere. Everytime I try, he always goes about deflecting it, or turning it into a joke, or just straight out ignoring me.” Sirius drops his head onto the table for the second time that hour. “What do I do?” he moans.
Lily sighs and rubs him on the back. “He’ll get his mark eventually. Keep at it.”
“You’re very bad at consoling.”
“Then why are you coming to me?”
Sirius rises. “You’re right. I’m off to my Remus.” Lily’s laugh follows him out of the library. He finds Remus in the common room, lounging across one of the couches. He’s playing some sort of game with James and Peter, but he can’t figure out what from here. Sirius dramatically drops his bag and throws himself into the empty space next to James. “What are you guys doing?”
“Never have I ever,” James responds. He’s holding one dangerous finger up. “You can play next round.”
“But I’m bored…”
“Well, you’re gonna upset the integrity of the game, Sirius, so wait a damn minute, okay?” James huffs then turns to Remus. “As you were saying?”
Sirius uses this opportunity to turn to Remus as well. Damn him, managing to look positively radiant in a maroon sweater. He’s holding three fingers up with a devious smirk. “Okay. Never have I ever asked someone on a date while wearing no pants.”
“What the fuck, you guys!” James slams down his last finger and jumps up, kicking the couch in the process. This leaves no room between him and Remus. That’s convenient.
While James is on his vengeful tirade, Sirius slides across the couch so there’s only an inch between him and Remus. He would love to close that inch, but he does have some semblance of self control. At least, this close, he can feel Remus laugh against him. That’s nice. He’s laughing hard enough that he has his arm wrapped around his stomach, something that Sirius finds absolutely adorable.
Then, as if Remus knew he was thinking about him, he turns around to Sirius. “I was waiting to do that.”
Sirius is shaken out of his daze. “Really?”
“Yeah. He had it coming. Do you want to play another round?”
Sirius smiles his winning smile. “Of course.”
James chooses this time to return, plopping himself in the spot Sirius once was. “We’re playing again, mate,” he says, jabbing a finger at Remus. “And I’m gonna whoop your arse, understand?”
“Loud and clear,” Remus responds, still with that smirk.
Sirius needs to find a way to use this game to flirt with Remus. With anyone else, he could have pulled the necessary comments and teases out of a hat, but with his soulmate, he was grasping at air.
Then the game began.
“Never have I ever called my professor a pussy-boy!”
Remus put his finger down with grace. “Professor Slughorn deserved it, James. I just had to break the news to him.” Sirius chuckled to himself as he prepared his next assault.
“Okay, never have I ever…” Sirius' eyes went directly to Remus’, ignoring everyone else in the room. He allowed a large dramatic pause, which he used to rake over Remus. The full moon was coming up, which meant his eyes were more gold than brown now, and his sweater only brought that out more. Wow, Sirius was in love.
Then Sirius remembered they were playing a game.
“Never have I ever been the cutest person in the room,” Sirius stated. Remus raised an eyebrow at him before Sirius slapped him on the arm. “Put a finger down, Rem.”
Remus’ cocked eyebrow falls, and is replaced by a blush swiftly rising across his face. The reaction brings butterflies to Sirius’ stomach. Then he starts laughing, looking anywhere but Sirius.
“You mean me?”
“Yes, you, you wanker, now put your finger down.”
Remus looks frozen, now looking Sirius in the eye. Sirius uses the opportunity to slowly grab Remus’ hand and pull the finger down itself. He allows the touch to linger like they’re the only two people in the room, until Peter’s gagging brings them back to life.
“You guys are too much,” Peter says. Sirius wants to kick him in the face.
“If I have to put my finger down, so does Peter,” says Remus, still blushing. Will it ever go away? Sirius doesn’t want it to. Red is a good look on him.
Peter smiles charmingly and puts his first finger down as well.
So this is what it will take to make Remus smile and blush at him like that. Maybe this new tactic could work after all.
~
Remus is one of the smartest blokes Sirius has ever met, but also has to be one of the most dense. “I swear, he thinks all this flirting is just how blokes be blokes,” Sirius whines to Lily in the library in January. “Yesterday he helped me up after I tripped down the staircases and I said, ‘Keep doing that and I’ll have to call you mine,’ and he responded with, ‘Keep doing that and you won’t have the brain capacity to call me anything.’” Lily laughs as he tries to pull his hair out. “What am I supposed to do?” Then, as an afterthought, “Can you talk to him for me?”
Lily rolls her eyes. “Now why would I do that?”
“Put in a good word for me! Allude to my dashing good looks or something.”
“What good looks?” Sirius swats at her with his transfiguration textbook. “Okay, fine, but I’m not saying anything about your appearance. I can…” She pauses to think, but it seems her thoughts go nowhere. “Oh, shoot, I don’t know what you want me to say, Sirius.” She drops her chin in her hand again and looks at him.
Sirius leans back in his chair until it’s only standing on its back legs. “Can you ask him how he feels about me?”
Lily’s laugh almost makes him fall out of the chair. “Damn, Sirius, you sound like a fourth year girl!”
Sirius feels warm. “Do not!”
“You absolutely do. Plus, I don’t know how that’s going to make him fall in love with you.”
“It’ll give me a baseline for my master plan. Don’t you have prefect rounds with him or something? Can you talk to him for me? Pretty please? I’ll do your history of magic homework for tonight!”
Lily groans. “Fine, I’ll talk to him tonight.” She reaches into her bag and hands Sirius the worksheet that was due in class. “Have it done by tomorrow morning.”
Sirius jumps up and wraps his arms around her. “Thank you, Lily!”
They reconvene tomorrow afternoon in the same spot. Sirius has never been more excited to see Lily.
“So, what did he say?” Sirius asks as he throws himself into the chair beside her.
“Well, first I asked him if he was interested in anyone-”
“Really-?”
“Please, let me finish. I don’t know how you manage to have this much energy after a full day of classes. Anway, he paused for a bit to think, but he eventually said no.”
Sirius mulled this over in his mind. “He paused… Does that mean he’s hiding something?”
Lily gives up and pretends to flip through the books she brought. “You’re quite the optimist, aren’t you, Black?”
“I like to call myself an idealist, but whatever you say.” Sirius leans close into Lily so he can whisper in her ear. “So you do think he likes me?”
Lily shuts the book and turns around to fully face Sirius. “Black, you’re his soulmate. It’s just a matter of him learning that.”
Sirius dropped his head against the table. Of course he knows that. There’s no universe in which his soul isn’t aligned with Remus’. But this gap is driving him insane. Closing it is like trying to connect two repelling magnets.
Lily places a gentle hand on his back. “What if you tried touching him?”
Sirius perks up from the table. “What do you mean?”
“Try holding his hand. Maybe an arm around the waist. Do anything you can to touch him.”
It was at that moment Remus decided to enter the library.
“Shit,” Sirius muttered, his eyes never leaving Remus. “Shit, shit, what do I do?”
“Touch him!”
“What do I say?”
Lily threw her hands up in the air. “Boys!” Then- that little traitor- she waved to Remus. Who waved back. And started walking over.
Thankfully, Sirius is well practiced in putting up a facade. He gives a contagious smile back, which earns him a small one from Remus. Sirius ignores the way his stomach twists.
“Hey guys,” he says. He drops his bag to the floor and takes a seat across from the two.
“Hello, Remus,” Sirius says.
“Sirius, what are you doing in the library?”
Sirius gasps and puts his hand to his chest. “Why, because I have an appreciation for knowledge, Re. I’m appalled that you would suggest otherwise.”
“I just remember you saying that libraries were for swots and birds.”
“And I take interest in both.” Sirius punctuates this with a wink, causing Lily to poorly hide her snort. Remus only shakes his head.
Lily rises, carefully collecting her things while looking at Sirius weird. “Well, boys, I’ve got to run. I have prefect rounds right now.”
Remus crinkles his brow in a cute way. How does he manage to make everything look cute? “You do?”
“She does!” Sirius supplies, nodding.
“Yes, I do. I switched duties with Frank.”
Remus still looks concerned, but he nods anyway. “Okay, then. I’ll see you later, Lily.”
“Bye, Remus.” She locks eyes with Sirius for a second, then winks. Then she’s gone.
“What are you doing here, by the way?” Remus asks. He has both hands folded on the table. Sirius sees his chance.
Sirius gingerly places a hand on top of Remus’ and looks him in the eye. He then remembers that he has no answer to that question, so he’s left staring at Remus. He isn’t particularly mad about that fact. It’s just worrying.
Remus looks down to the hand, then back to Sirius. Then back to the hand. “This doesn’t answer my question.”
Sirius knows it doesn’t. He also knows he doesn’t intend on answering the question. But what is he going to say? Remus has nice eyes. The full moon is coming up, so a gold rim is starting to peek through the brown.
“You have really pretty eyes, Re,” Sirius decides to say. It’s not relevant to their conversation at all, but he feels it needs to be said.
Sirius watches the red climb up Remus’ face. His eyes dart away, focusing on an interesting spot on the table instead. He starts to smile the way he does when he’s nervous- small and timid, not meant for eyes to see. Sirius loves that he’s making him nervous. It feels like retaliation for all the times he fumbled over himself trying to get Remus to look his way.
“What’s your goal?” Remus finally asks, still not looking at Sirius.
Sirius tilts his head. “Hm?”
“I mean… are you trying to distract me from something? Is this some prank you’re trying to pull on me?”
It’s time to pull out the big guns. “All I’m trying to do is steal your heart, Re.”
Remus rolls his eyes. The smile is gone. “Please.” Now he meets Sirius’ eyes, but his blush is mostly faded now. Sirius has the fatal realization that he might have overstepped. He reaches down and grabs some books from his bag. “I have to study.” Sirius frowns as he watches Remus take out some parchment and a quill.
Why was Remus so unresponsive to Sirius’ obvious flirting tactics? It can’t be because he’s just not interested. No, that can’t be. They’re soulmates, Sirius knows that for a fact. Remus is just very dense.
~
The animagus potion was almost ready. It just needed one more week to sit.
Sirius might die within that week.
Remus, bless him, still had no clue. He had his suspicions, of course, but Sirius was always able to distract him with a well timed touch of the hand or a quick flirty comment and he was immediately making snarky comments back. It was kind of fun in a way, with Sirius aiming to fluster him and Remus immediately shooting him back down. James once called them an old married couple because of this and was very amused when Remus became a faint pink.
Still, that didn’t change the fact that there was a full week until they could become animagi, and there was a full moon during that time. At least this was the last transformation Remus will ever have to spend alone. That single thought kept him from exploding with anticipation the entire week.
The marauders were there as soon as Remus woke up around twelve in the afternoon. Thankfully they were on their lunch break and burst into his private room like vikings entering Valhalla. Madam Pomfrey scolded them for it, but of course she let it slide. Eventually, once lunch period was over, she had to kick them all out.
“Out, out, all of you!” she was saying when she found them still there five minutes into their next class. She tried her best to look furious. It wasn’t working. She was too soft of a woman.
James broke out the puppy dog eyes. “Please! Five more min-”
“Out!”
The eyes were gone. “Al right, we’re leaving! C’mon, Peter.” With that, James dragged Peter along for their joint dramatic exit. That left Sirius.
“You too, Mr. Black,” demanded with crossed arms.
“I have a free period,” Sirius replied, holding out his schedule. This is why Tuesdays were the best for transformations.
Madam Pomfrey took the slip and examined it with her reading glasses. “Alright, Mr. Black. You can stay for an extra fifteen minutes. After that, you’re out.”
Sirius gave her a grin. “Thanks, Poppy!” She left with a huff and shut the door behind her.
Remus turned his head over to look at him. Sirius’ stomach did flips. The gold in his eyes had passed with the moon, but that didn’t change the chocolate that stared back at him. His curls were a mess, and needed to be brushed out. (Sirius hoped he could help with that later.) The bags behind his eyes were a stark purple against his pale skin, and a new scar poked out underneath his collarbone. He looked like he came back from a fistfight with the devil. And Sirius was so in love with him.
Sirius wished he could kiss it all better. He wished he could kiss him, period. But there lay a thick wall of tension between them Sirius didn’t know how to break. Instead he did what he did best.
“I brought you something,” Sirius said. He pulled out a box of caramel Honeydukes chocolates he bought specially for this occasion. Of course, Remus had a private stack that he kept for full moons, but he hoped it was the thought that counted.
Remus gave him a small smile, like anything more would hurt his face. “Thank you, Sirius,” he said in a pained voice. Sirius would never get used to seeing how much pain his friend was in after every full moon. He wanted to wrap Remus up in his arms, untangle every knot in his hair, and tell him everything was going to change in just one week.
Just one week.
Sirius laid the box of chocolates on the bedside table, next to a very tattered, familiar looking book. “Hey, isn’t this-” Sirius picked up the book. He didn’t miss Remus’ smile grow.
“The Princess Bride,” they both said in unison. Sirius posed it as a question, Remus with as much excitement he could muster in bed.
“Haven’t you read this book three times in the past year?” Sirius asked. He couldn’t hide the amusement in his voice. It was adorable how Remus obsessed over little things like this. (In first year, Remus arrived at Hogwarts obsessed with the Chronicles of Narnia. That’s when Sirius knew he had found the one.)
“Four,” Remus corrected, now grinning.
“And you’re not tired of it?”
“You have to read it, Sirius. Then you’ll understand.”
Then Sirius got the idea.
“I’ll read it to you.” Sirius flipped open to where the bookmark was, then looked up to find Remus staring at him with an odd expression. “What?”
“Thank you, Sirius.” If Remus was going to keep saying that with those beautiful chocolate eyes, then Sirius might just combust on the spot. Sirius cleared his throat in an effort to compose himself.
“It’s my pleasure, Re. Now, let’s begin. Page fifty five… ah, okay. Buttercup lounged across the bed…” Sirius looked down to Remus, who was staring adoringly back. “Should I do the voices?”
“Absolutely not.” Remus’ smile betrayed him.
“Okay, I’ll do voices.” Then, in a ridiculously airy tone like his cousin Narcissa, he began to read the dialogue. “‘Westley? Do I know any- oh, Farm Boy, it’s you, how droll!’” Sirius peered over the top of his book to see Remus with his hand over his face and shaking shoulders.
Sirius continued reading, creating a worse voice for the Westley character and watching Remus’ reactions. Remus eventually gave up trying to hide his laughter, and he eventually slid into his nose-scrunched laugh. Sirius found it difficult to focus after that.
Then Sirius realized what the book was about.
“Re, I always knew you were a sap, but not this much of one,” Sirius said, eyes fixed on the page. He didn’t want to look up. He was staring at the upcoming line.
“What do you mean?”
“This is romance.”
Remus groaned. “It’s so much more than romance. There’s fighting and torture-”
“All in the name of love, I guess-”
Remus throws his hands in the air- or he tries to, but then remembers his shoulder pain. “You’re insufferable. What’s so wrong about true love?”
Oh, Sirius could name seven things right on the top of his head. But he couldn’t sit there and stare forever. So he cleared his throat and read.
“‘Do you love me, Westley? Is that it?’” He spared a glimpse over the book to look at Remus, who still had those big chocolate eyes on him. Sirius couldn’t help but smile. Maybe it wasn’t him confessing his love, but the words rang true all the same.
“‘Do I love you? My God, if your love were a grain of sand, mine would be a universe of beaches!’”
Sirius was caught off from the rest of his reading by Remus’ cackle. He tried to cover it with his hands, but it was useless. The laugh was pouring out of him like rushing water. Sirius had no clue why he was laughing, but it was the nose-scrunched kind of laugh, so he had no choice but to smile a bit.
“What’s so funny?”
“You!” Remus answered, peering out from behind his hands. “You’re ridiculous and insufferable!” Before Sirius could gasp in agony, Remus shivered. “Merlin, I’m cold.”
“Here.” Sirius put the book down and helped lift the blankets up to Remus’ chin. It was overly domestic, and he pulled away with his skin feeling tingly where it brushed against Remus’. He hoped Remus didn’t notice his blush.
Remus was still giggling, still hiding his face with his hand, still confusing Sirius, when Madam Pomfey knocked on the door.
“Mr. Black?” she stated. He knew it wasn’t a question.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m leaving.”
~
On March 10th, 1975, Remus turned fifteen, and Sirius’ crush was born. There was something about watching his friend that day, when they all stayed up til midnight and tried weed for the first time, that ignited a flame inside of him.
Now, March 10th, 1977, Remus turns seventeen, and the flame has grown into a roaring fire that’s consuming Sirius’ entire being. Now, as they all sit in a circle on the floor of their dorm with a single alarm clock in the center, Sirius’ can’t see straight from all the fire inside of him.
He thinks of how happy Remus will be when he sees what they’ve accomplished. He imagines how he’ll probably scream, then make that nose-scrunch smile, then cry a whole lot. But Sirius will be there to dry- or lick away- those tears. It was going to be fantastic.
If only this bloody clock would strike midnight.
“So,” Peter says two minutes before the time. “How are you guys?”
“It’s one of my best mates’ birthday in two minutes,” James proudly states, nudging Remus on the shoulder.
“Now one minute,” Peter states.
Is it possible that someone could combust with excitement in less than a minute? Sirius’ leg is jiggling so hard Remus had to put a hand on it to calm him down. It didn’t do much to ease him (it did quite the opposite), but it forced him to keep all his energy bottled up. At least he would have time in his animagus form to let it all out. Then he could finally see the fruits of his labor, and finally see that chilling moment when Remus gets his soulmate mark, and-
“Happy birthday!”
The alarm went off.
James was the first one to break the barrier around them. He immediately threw himself around Remus’ shoulders, giving him the most uncoordinated hug he most likely had ever received. “Happy birthday Remus!” he screeched, causing Remus to smile like a dork.
Then Sirius had to make his move. “Move your fat arse, James!” Sirius yelled, pulling James off. Once Remus had his freedom, Sirius immediately swooped in and stole it again, tackling him to the floor. “Happy birthday, Re,” Sirius said only to him.
“Guys!” Peter called from his spot in the circle. “We have to sing!”
Remus immediately tried to sit up. “Oh, please, don’t sing-”
“You are the dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen!” the other three boys sang, loud enough to fill the great hall. Sirius grabbed Remus by the hands and yanked him up.
“Dance with me, Re!”
Remus’ blush looked rather good on him. “Absolutely not-”
“You can dance! You can jive!”
Sirius forced Remus into a proper ballroom dance position- like they were about to waltz- and began swaying to an imaginary rhythm. He didn’t know and didn’t care what James and Peter were doing, but from the banging behind him he could guess that they were trying to do the same thing. They could have that- only Sirius had Remus.
“Having the time of your life!”
“Come on, sing with us, Re!” Sirius gave a quick pinch to Remus’ side, causing him to squeak. “Please?” Remus rolled his eyes.
“Ooh see that girl!” This time Remus was singing along, albeit quietly. But Sirius was close enough to hear. He wondered if you could get two soulmate marks for the same person, for when you fall in love with them twice.
“Watch that scene, digging the dancing queen!” They all screamed the last part, even Remus, and dissolved into a fit of laughter together.
“Okay, marauders!” James called after a minute, trying to organize their dissolving chaos. “We now have the question of gifts to answer,” he said with a tone that carried too much dramatic formality. “We would usually give them to you here, but there has been a change of plans!”
“Yeah!” Peter agreed. “We have to go to the Forbidden Forest.”
“The Forbidden Forest?” Remus asked. “Do you guys hate me or something?”
Sirius slapped him on the arm. “I love nothing more than you, Re. This is just a fun little change of plans.”
“Have some fun in your life, will you, Remus?” said James, pulling out the Invisibility Cloak from his trunk.
“I have plenty of fun-”
“Then let’s go, yeah? Okay, everybody, get in the cloak, c’mon.”
The walk to the Forbidden Forest was like pulling teeth. Making sure they were properly hidden took way too much time, and all Sirius wanted was to turn into a big black dog and watch Remus’ face light up. Is that too much to ask?
Eventually, they did make it to the Forbidden Forest, and Sirius didn’t lose any of his teeth along the way. The feel of the cold air against his face was exhilarating alongside this energy inside of him. How would the air feel against his fur? He couldn’t wait to find out.
James was grabbing Remus by the shoulders. Beforehand they had agreed that he would be the one to manhandle Remus when he started freaking out. “Okay, Remus, we’re going to show you now, but you have to promise not to scream, yeah?”
Remus’ eyes widened. “What? No.”
“Why not?” Peter asked.
“You have to, okay?” James said. “Also, I have to cover your eyes.”
Remus looked incredulous. “Is this some kind of prank?”
“No, it’s not a prank,” Sirius said. “Ye of little faith.”
“This is insane-”
Sirius grabbed Remus’ hand. “Please? For me?”
Remus didn’t look convinced. Then he looked down at his hand, then back at Sirius again. “Fine.”
James clapped his hands excitedly. “Yes! Okay, Remus, let’s go. Remember: no screaming, yeah?”
“Yeah, yeah.”
James stood behind Remus and covered his eyes with his hands. With a silent nod and a stupid grin, Sirius got the signal.
He closed his eyes in concentration. He imagined his animagus form- a large black dog- and immediately felt a pleasant burning across his skin. Easily, as if they were made for this, his bones started contorting, and Sirius eventually had to fall over on all fours. It didn’t hurt at all. In fact, it all felt natural.
“Okay, Remus, ta da!” James removed his hands with a flourish, leaving Remus staring dumbfounded at-
“A dog!” Remus’ confusion quickly became admiration as he stared at the dog in front of him. “Merlin, where’d you find a-” Sirius wouldn’t let him finish his sentence, as he jumped on top of his shoulders and licked his face. Remus' laughter was beautiful, the exact kind Sirius was waiting to hear. He scratched behind his ears and Sirius melted at the touch.
"Do you like it?" James asked, the idiotic grin still stuck to his face.
"You mean the dog?" Remus responded, still scratching. "Aw, they're the best boy." Still smiling, he lightly lifted Sirius' paw and began to shake it like a hand. "Who's a good boy?"
If Sirius was human, he would have died right there. But he wasn't, so he jumped off and ran around, showing off how he could run. It was better than staring with literal puppy eyes.
"Hey." Remus turned to James and Peter, who stood behind. "Where's Sirius?"
Then Sirius got the idea.
Before Remus finished turning his head, Sirius transformed back into his human form, sitting on his heels in less than a second.
Then Remus saw him.
And all hell broke loose.
Remus' jaw immediately dropped, his eyes widening like saucers, everything about him freezing in total shock. James swooped into action, using one hand to muffle his scream and the other arm holding him back from running away. Peter jumped between him and Sirius, who still sat and was starting to laugh.
"You promised not to scream!" James said. Remus kept slapping at James anyway. Through all the chaos, Remus never stopped staring at Sirius.
Sirius had to say something. If Remus wasn't going to get his soulmate mark now, when would he?
"Surprised?" Sirius said. He aimed for charm, but what came out was closer to childlike excitement.
Remus yanked James' hand off his mouth. "You're a- a-"
"Animagus?"
"Animagus!" Remus screeched. Sirius had to laugh at that. Remus looked like he was watching a burning building. "How- how could you- why didn't I…" As words failed him, Remus began to flap his hands wildly, gesturing to Sirius, to the rest of them, to the moon, to the world around him as he became more flustered.
"So," Peter interrupted Remus' silent meltdown. "We're animagus too!"
Remus stopped flapping. "You're all-" He stood transfixed as James and Peter underwent the same swift transformation. It was beautiful, but Sirius could only watch the wonder grow in Remus' eyes.
First Remus pointed at James. "You're a stag! Shit, look at you!" He began to laugh again. "You have such big… ah, what's the word! Prongs, you have big prongs, and- Peter! Peter, I- I…" Remus went back to his hand gestures as the tears began to flow. Sirius ran up to his side and was quickly enveloped in a bone crushing hug. Remus was definitely sobbing now, and Sirius couldn't figure out why.
"Re, look at me.” Sirius cupped Remus’ face in his hands. He was totally a mess: his brown eyes were ready to spill over, and snot was running down his face. Sirius wiped away his tears with his robes. James came over and bumped his head against Remus’ shoulder. Remus laughed and patted him.
“You’re beautiful,” Remus said to him with the dopiest smile. Then, to Sirius, “You’re bloody magnificent.” His tone was that of pure adoration, and Sirius couldn’t fight the heat blooming across his face.
“We did this for you, Re,” Sirius began. He hoped he was choosing the right words- this might be written on Remus’ wrist, after all. “Now you won’t have to be alone every full moon. We can be with you, as animals, and you don’t have to stay in the shack.” Remus started crying again as he held Sirius’ hands that were still cupping his face. Sirius felt his eyes start to burn. “You’ll never be alone again, Re.”
Remus’ jaw dropped slightly as everything clicked in his brain. James and Peter silently transformed back to their natural selves, and Remus finally broke his gaze into Sirius’ eyes to look at them. Then the dam broke again.
Remus was crying, but he was also smiling. It was Sirius’ favorite smile- the one with the scrunched up nose- and Sirius found he was smiling back.
“You guys are- dear Merlin-”
James threw his arm around Remus, forcing Sirius to take a step back. “It’s okay, Remy, we know you love us-”
“You’re all insane!” Remus cried. It was hard to tell if he was angry or not. “You could have died, and I wouldn’t have known-”
“But we didn’t die!” James announced.
“But you could have!” He threw his head into his hands, shaking. “I hate you guys.”
“Do you really?” Peter asked sarcastically.
Remus raised his head, wiping his tears. “I love you guys,” he whispered to his hand. Then, louder: “You’re all the best thing that has ever happened to me.”
Sirius would have kissed him right there, but James’ hug attack beat him to it. Before he knew it, James was swinging Remus around in a circle, both of them laughing dizzily.
“Hey- hey!” Peter called. “I’m an animagus too, where’s my love?”
James finally dropped Remus (who was making that nose-scrunched laugh, by the way). “C’mon, Pete, get in here! You too, Sirius! You can’t miss out on the marauder hug, yeah!”
Sirius really hoped Remus got his soulmate mark that night. It was the best opportunity to. When else would he get it? He had to have gotten it now. The thought made Sirius smile with satisfaction. Remus was his. They were in love.
Remus just had to learn that.
~
Remus was avoiding him. That’s not something someone in love does.
He and Sirius had their first class together while James and Sirius had a free period on Monday mornings. This meant they would walk alone together, but ever since his birthday, Remus always fell into step with Lily. He wasn’t outright ignoring Sirius, it’s just he refused to be alone with him.
Sirius couldn’t stop thinking about it. So he turned to the one person who would listen.
“Evans!”
Lily looked up from her books in the library- why she was always to be found here, Sirius couldn’t tell you- with an annoyed expression. “Is this about Remus?”
“Of course this is about Remus. What else do I ever talk about?” Sirius plopped himself in the seat across from her, not even bothering to pretend he was studying.
Lily smiled at him. “You’re a sap.”
Sirius wrinkled his nose. “Not true.”
“Yeah, you wouldn’t be sitting here with me if you weren’t.”
Sirius dropped his head against the desk. He did that a lot around Evans. “Anyway, this is an emergency.”
“Everything is an emergency with you-”
“But this is a real emergency.” Sirius leaned real close against the table so he could deliver the next line with full dramatic effect. “Remus hasn’t gotten his soulmate mark yet.”
Lily sighed and finally closed her book. “He has to get it eventually.”
“But he’s avoiding me! He won’t be in the same room as me alone! And I’ve been flirting with him for months now, and nothing’s working. What if I scared him off? What if…” Sirius took a deep breath. “What if I’m not his soulmate?”
Lily looks at him like a kicked puppy that needs care. (That’s not too far from what he’s feeling, actually.) “Sirius, of course you’re his soulmate. I see the way he looks at you.”
Sirius’ eyes widened. “How does he look at me?”
Lily sighs, exasperated. “You need to open your eyes. He laughs way too hard at your jokes, you’re never further than five meters apart from each other, and when he’s around you he becomes this chatterbox I’ve never seen before. He fancies you, Sirius. You just need to talk to him.”
Sirius stared at her, dumbfounded. He had never noticed those things before. Maybe he assumed that’s how Remus was with everyone. “Okay.” He nods, a smile slowly growing on his face. “Okay!”
“Go get your soulmate, Sirius.”
Sirius rushed out of the library, much to Madam Pince’s chagrin, towards the common room. Before he left, Remus was reading a book in their dorm. Hopefully he was still there, so Sirius could snog him senseless. That thought alone made his feet go faster than they ever had before. His robes were flying behind him, and Sirius had all the confidence in the world.
Until he was in front of their dorm room, and it all melted away.
What if Remus never got his mark? What if Lily was imagining things and Remus didn’t really fancy him? Sirius would never live it down if that happened.
Sirius had raised his hand to the doorknob, but he couldn’t open it. Only Remus could paralyze him like this. He must have stood there, rehearsing exactly what he was going to say, mentally practicing exactly how he would kiss Remus (soft and slow at first, to let him ease in, but then Sirius would run his hand through his hair and-
The door swung open. “Are you going to keep standing there?”
Sirius blinked. “How did you know it was me?”
“I heard you coming up. What are you doing?”
What was Sirius doing? “I need to talk to you.”
Sirius watched Remus’ face shift to an expression of concern, then something guarded that he couldn’t place. Was he going to try and leave? Would he insist he had somewhere to be, like the last time Sirius tried to talk to him alone? Sirius stepped closer to Remus and put a hand on his arm, forcing him to stay in the room.
“What about?” Remus finally asked.
Should he say it outright? “We should sit down.” Sirius closed the door behind them and led them to his bed, which was closest to the door.
“What is this about, Sirius?” Remus asked. He tried to sound annoyed, but his brow was furrowed in a way Sirius knew meant fear. He wanted to kiss it away, but that would have to come later.
“Sit with me?” Sirius pleaded.
A pause. Then, “Fine.” Remus sat down tentatively, never taking his eyes off Sirius. “What’s going on?”
Sirius imagined this scenario a million different times, but none of them like this. This was supposed to happen on Remus’ birthday, or during the many flirtatious squabbles they had once a day. Sirius was supposed to watch Remus get his mark. Now, here he is, forced to lay himself bare.
He hopes it turns out okay.
Sirius takes a deep breath. Remus begins tugging on the sleeves of his jumper. It’s ridiculously long, and covers up to his thumb. This was one of the first things Sirius learned about Remus, way back in first year. He pulled when nervous.
Sirius didn’t want to be the reason Remus was nervous. (Or maybe he did, but not in this way.)
Sirius reviewed what he tried to rehearse in the doorway. He was ready for this. “So, Lily hasn’t gotten her soulmate mark yet.”
Remus blinks, obviously not expecting this. “Okay?”
“That sucks for James, right?”
Remus starts to relax, no longer pulling on his jumper like a lifejacket. “I guess it does.”
“Do you remember back in third year, when it was the last day before holidays, and we were talking about soulmates? You said that you didn’t think you had a soulmate.”
Remus avoids eye contact. “I remember.”
“You said soulmates were rubbish. Do you… still believe that?”
Remus sighs. “Where are you going with this?”
“Do you?”
Remus begins tugging at his jumper with a renewed vigor. He doesn’t respond until a long pause. “Look at what is going on between James and Lily. He’s crazy about her, and it drives her insane. Everytime she rejects him, it breaks his heart, but the cycle still repeats itself. We don’t know if James is even Lily’s soulmate. It’s just… so complicated, and… I would rather not get entangled with that.”
Sirius swallows. “Do you think you have a soulmate?”
Remus looks up at Sirius for a split second before dropping his gaze again. “I don’t know.”
“Because you’re mine.”
Remus freezes, letting go of his jumper, and stares at Sirius. He looks terrified, like a deer in the headlights, and this is supposed to be the part where he goes Yes, Sirius, you’re my soulmate! and they snog until the sun sets. But that’s not happening. Remus is just staring. Sirius stares back. He should probably say something.
“I got it last summer-”
“Did James put you up to this?”
Sirius splutters. “Huh?”
Remus shakes his head, clearly broken. “I- He said he wouldn’t tell anybody. What the fuck.” He rises and begins to pace the room as if Sirius wasn’t there. Remus only paces when he’s upset. Sirius made him upset. Shit. “This isn’t funny, Sirius,” Remus says with a stone cold voice. Sirius stands and tries to walk towards him, but he throws his hands up in a stop gesture. “No, listen to me. You think you can get with anybody you want-”
“Re-”
“But this isn’t going to work on me. You can’t just- you can’t just say those things, Sirius. That’s some real serious shit. It’s not funny.”
“I’m not joking!” Sirius says. He feels helpless. His soulmate just slapped him across the face. His soulmate is upset at him.
And sometimes there’s gaps between when you get it and when your soulmate gets it, and sometimes it’s not cohesive. That’s what Remus had said, back in third year. Sirius feared it might be true. Maybe werewolves don’t have soulmates.
Then what does this mark on his arm mean then?
“Let me show you the mark.”
“Sirius-”
“Let me show you!” Sirius pulls up his sleeve and rushes to the bathroom. As always, he had covered the mark with concealer that he now had to wash off. “Because I’m serious about this, Re. I’m serious about you. I’m in love with you, can’t you see that?” He turns on the water and frantically rubs at his skin. Remus is still standing at the other end of the dorm, staring with a confused expression.
After a minute of silence except for the running water, the concealer is finally off and Sirius presents his wrist. It’s a bit red from all the scrubbing, but the words are legible anyway.
At first, Remus doesn’t look. He just stares into Sirius’ eyes, afraid to look down.
“You’re my soulmate, Re,” Sirius pleads. He hates how Remus can make him do that.
Then Remus looks down.
“Don’t be daft, Sirius.” Remus John Lupin, 23 August, 1976 12:16PM.
Sirius stares at Remus’ face, and what he sees is beautiful.
First, Remus’ mouth slowly falls open. It’s not a jaw dropping kind of reaction, but Remus doesn’t have many jaw dropping moments. (Well, sometimes he does make Sirius’ jaw drop, but that’s a different tangent.) Then, Remus’ hand goes to cover his mouth. And a smile starts to form. It’s contagious, and Sirius needs to give him one back.
The smile turns into a quick laugh of wonder, and Remus reaches out. His fingertips brush across the words like they’re a flame that he can’t resist. And then another laugh.
Did Sirius ever mention how much he loves Remus’ laugh?
Now Remus is covering his face with both hands, and Sirius is confused. Shouldn’t they be kissing by now? Shouldn’t Remus have shown him his soulmate mark? That is, if there was one.
Sirius had walked into the worse case scenario without even realizing it.
His face feels hot. Remus is really laughing now. “Re?” Sirius says, placing a tender hand on his back.
Remus shoots up. “Merlin,” he says breathlessly. “August?”
“Yeah,” Sirius answers, embarrassed. It must show, since Remus cups Sirius’ face with one hand.
“Hey.” Remus isn’t laughing anymore, but he still has this little shocked smile on his face. Is that a pity smile? Sirius had never seen his pity smile before, but that’s because he’s never had to. Until now. “I should- wait…”
Remus pulls up the sleeve of his jumper in one swift motion, and Sirius understands why he always wore them.
“Do I love you? My God, if your love were a grain of sand, mine would be a universe of beaches!” Sirius Orion Black, 1 March, 1977, 12:57PM.
It all made sense. Remus feeling cold during that morning in the hospital wing, just like Sirius that day in August. The way he couldn’t stop laughing- he was always a nervous laugher. The long jumpers he always wore- they cloaked the mark perfectly. The avoidance- Sirius probably made him nervous. That last thought sparked Sirius with excitement.
He made Remus nervous. Because they’re soulmates. They’re soulmates.
“We’re soulmates!” Sirius cried. He might have actually been crying, but he couldn’t tell. It wouldn’t have mattered if he did, because Sirius thought he saw some tears in Remus’ eyes, too. “I love you, Re. I’m in love with you.”
Remus shook his head, making that dopey nose-scrunched smile. “I- yeah. I guess I’m in love with you, too, asshole.”
“Asshole? ” Sirius slapped him on the arm. “What are you doing calling me an asshole? I’m the love of your life!”
“Say it a bit louder, Sirius, I don’t think the Slytherins heard you.”
“Oh, shut up, soulmate.” Sirius grinned. Remus was his soulmate. “You can stop pretending you don’t love me now.”
Remus rolled his eyes. “Okay. Can I- wait, should we-”
“Kiss?”
Remus blushed. “Yeah, that-”
He couldn’t finish his sentence. Sirius grabbed Remus by the front of his jumper and pulled him in. It started as a crash of lips against each other, but slowly melted into something that can only be described as a universe of beaches.
When they finally pulled apart, Sirius held on to Remus’ shoulders. Their bodies were pressed against each other, but Sirius didn’t think they could ever come apart. “I’ve been wanting to do that since fourth year,” he admits.
“Fourth year?” Remus says, incredulous. “Merlin… me too.”
Sirius’ face breaks into the widest grin, like the clouds parting to reveal the sun in July. “Really!? Re, that’s incredible. We’re soulmates. Wait-” Sirius pauses, remembering what Remus had said earlier. “Did you tell James?”
Remus looks away, a small blush rising up his cheeks. “Well… mayhaps.”
“Did you?”
Remus sighs. “Okay- after I got the mark, I didn’t know what to do-”
“So you told him and not me?” Sirius tries to be angry, but the situation is too funny for its own good. “We could have shared our love so much sooner-”
“Oh, please.” Remus begins tugging on his jumper sleeves again. “So, this is what all those gifts were about? All the flirting, and the touching-”
“Oh, you noticed? I thought you thought I was just being friendly.”
“I thought you were messing with my emotions.”
Sirius’ smile drops slightly. “I wouldn’t do that to you, Re.”
Remus shrugs sheepishly. “Well, I know that now. I also know you’re a really good kisser, too.”
Now Sirius is the one blushing. “I could use a bit more practice.”
So they kissed, just like Sirius had been imagining for two years. They were soulmates, and everything was perfect.