Chapter Text
Her body ached as she lay on the ground, bleeding. The dirt was harsh and cold at her back, and noise came through staticky and broken like a glass cracking around in her head. Her ears were ringing as she vaguely heard shouts and shuffling near her. Still her vision was persistent in not focusing, the only thing she could identify in her daze was the smoke filled sky. The smell burned her nostrils and she was acutely aware of her heart pounding on the inside of her chest and her own breathing in her ears.
She could feel her heart sputtering, a desperate plea for help in keeping her alive. A chill swept over her skin and her side reverberated pain up through her body causing her to release a pitiful groan as if to tell it to stop. She hadn’t even realized it but her body was moving, or rather someone was moving it. Her view shifted to a smoke filled sky to the forest green of the vest everyone on the field was wearing, herself included. Her savoir held no pleasant smell on them, no they wreaked of sweat. Of fear. Of blood. And festering wounds. The ringing in her ears still persisted but she could catch bits and pieces.
“--t a breather-- ly ali-- ame?” Easily female from the light tone of voice she could barely hear. Her eyes turned heavy and instead of gazing blankly as their vest they dropped until she was jolted and everything came into focus for just a few seconds. “I need your name!”
Was she talking to her? Her head was too cloudy to reply quickly and her lips felt numb as shallow breaths came in. Her carrier made a sound of disapproval as she continued on to speak. “She’s unresponsi-”
“Hatsu…” Her voice came out gravily and small as her head dropped again. They let out a hum and continued on.
“Hatsu Hyuuga, I need directions to where to bring her.”
Her vision faded in and out, she was seeing but not processing anything that was happening around her. Hatsu’s mind was in a place of its own and she seemed to be talking to herself rather than the figures that flitted about her. If she was aware of what she was doing, she would know that she kept repeating her name over and over again- even while unconscious. After all it was pounded into them, if her tags with her identification number were lost in battle then she would be written off as a ‘Jane Hyuuga’. It was doubtful that anyone after all this, if they even won, would have the time to spare to identify her. And her greatest fear before all of this was being forgotten and only known as a number on a page.
And so her mind made sure such a fear would never come to fruition, repeating it even in sleep. As if to let them all know, she was here. She was existing. She was alive.
But she felt so prickly, a foreboding feeling wrapping around her gut in a cold embrace. There was a still gentle voice whispering in her ear telling her that she would just be another body in the pile out back burning as they couldn’t give them a proper burial. Her greatest fear started to consume her, her mind becoming an endless turmoil of dark thoughts and sinister smiles as she fell deeper.
The pain was all consuming as she felt warm hands on her sides, distant voices saying null and void comforting words. Hatsu was tired, weary, the toils of war soaking into her very DNA and her soul. A shock of something went through her system, her eyes snapped open as her mouth gasped for stale breath.
“Stay with us!” They were fighting so hard for her, hands pressed into her major injuries glowing red. She was gasping for breath, her hands clawing at theirs as she cried out. She wasn’t worth it in the end, despite her heart sputtering in fear of being another body on the pile- the truth was that’s all she was.
“I’m not worth it.”
It was one second, one second of stillness between her and the medical team around her. For weeks on end they had treated many injured and all of them begged for one thing, to stay alive. That they wanted to live. And yet she…?
“Everyone is worth it.” The female over her glared at her with such cold eyes all Hatsu could do was let out a groan and she pressed down harder on the wound, blood spurting between her fingers.
She could hardly agree that she fit with everyone, she was barely muddling through the war as it was. The past few days had been filled with grief, anxiety, and guilt. Hatsu wanted it all gone so badly she would welcome death, but she was also scared of it. That her passing would not be as righteous or dwelled over as his, she truly was just the background of it all. With scarred hands and a broken spirit rolling around in her body.
It’s easier to let go than to hold on and she no longer had the strength to hold on anymore. So she didn’t. She didn’t push away from the black haze that wanted to settle over her eyes, instead she welcomed it. She didn’t fear the cold grip that wrapped around her chest, but rather settled into it more. So numb, she felt something beat against her chest as everything faded.
And it felt so good.
_____
Death was not peaceful, she decided. Though she was not sure this was death.
Death surely wouldn’t have something harsh digging into her back causing pain to jolt up her spine every few seconds? Surely death wouldn’t be a pain in the side letting a harsh and cold stabbing pain hit her ribs every time her heart would beat. Her chest ached and with a jolt her mouth opened and she gasped for breath. Her eyes were crusted over and dry and with heavy arms that felt like she hadn’t used them in weeks she rubbed cold, stiff hands over them before she was able to open them. Trees towered over her, and above that a clear twinkling sky. Such an uncommon sight to her in recent times (as she rarely looked up at the sky and rather at her surroundings so she would not be vulnerable) that she laid there for a while as the stars shifted in colors and soothed her anxiety.
Anxiety that came straight back as she realized two things. One, she clearly was not in a medic tent or bed but rather out in the openness of the woods. And two, she wasn’t dead. She was sure of that much from the thumping coming from her chest. Not only was Hatsu not dead, she also had no idea as to where she was. Other than a select few places, like the Land of Wind, almost every place had a forest so that didn’t help her. In the moonlight she allowed herself to take a couple deep breaths before she forced herself to sit up, a groan of pain from her stiff and cold body accompanied by pain shattering up her sides and back. When she had finally gotten up she realized it was her pack that was digging uncomfortably into her back, while adjusting that she pulled at the zipper of the vest she wore- it was ripped apart at the side and had dried to her skin with her own blood. Once that was no longer hindering her she looked at the nasty gash that looked like the skin over her stomach was torn open and chunks of flesh were barely holding together by the dried blood.
She gagged as, despite the cold air doing her a favor and keeping it seal shut, it smelled. In some spots pus oozes out of certain places and her skin looks discolored around the injury. A shaky breath came from her as she stumbled to a tree to lean against it as her head felt so hot and dizzy just at the sight of it. Hatsu wanted to reprimand herself, to pull herself together. She had seen much worse in her days, on her team she was the medic- she had healed, tried to heal, many worse wounds. But maybe it was the fact that this was her killing blow, or at least she thought it was. In truth in her experience she didn’t even know how she was still alive.
Regardless, she was no longer in the wounded tent getting medical attention- but was rather in the middle of the wilderness. Perhaps she was delirious from the shock of the wound and blood loss that she wondered off the battlefield and away from the fighting. But with any amount of searching or sensing she tried to so she could feel no signs of life or fighting near her for miles. Just how far had she wondered?
Caw!
She jolted to lean more into the tree as she frantically looked around as birds fluttered off their branches and away into the sky. Hatsu knew of only one person who was known for birds, crows specifically. But he was dead. Wasn’t he? Her heart constricted painfully in her chest as her nails scrapped at the tree, she needed somewhere to rest and heal so she could head back into battle. She was no use to this cause dead and she had someone she needed to return to. But it felt as if a major detail was missing in her head, a painful denial blocking her thoughts from dwelling or thinking too far on that subject though. With one hand placed on her side she blocked out the whistling of the wind from her ears and she concentrated on one thing, and one thing only- manipulated the chi on the inside of her system.
Horse. Tiger. Boar. Rabbit. Rat. Dog. Boar. Rabbit. Rat. Dog. Ram.
“Byakugan.” Her voice was low as veins bulged from the side of her head. Her vision fluttered around, her eyes flickering every which way as she searched. Six miles, that’s all she had and for all she could see- nothing. No one, some animals yes, but no living soul. The only things that showed of human existence was a trail going up, telling her she was most likely on a mountain side. The trail broke off though, one continued going up while one went to the side going west. She followed the trail and it led to a house. It was dark and even from this far away she could tell that house hadn’t been warmed by any human in years. As seen from the crackled and broken shoji door. But it was her best shot. The veins fade away and she let out a strained breath as just how much that took out of her. It felt as though something was working against her, pushing such efforts to use such jutsu down under a rock. As if it didn’t belong here.
She shivered at the thought, her mind now wondering if she didn’t just wonder but go to a different place entirely.
No, impossible.
The thought was shoved away as quickly as it came. It was then she started her journey towards the east, where the house was from her. A couple more hours and she would arrive, if she kept pace and didn’t stop. Which with how her vision swam at some points, she was scared if she stopped she would stop for good.
_____
The wood groaned under her feet as she slowly walked in, a small blade in her free hand raised as she made her way through room and room. It was empty, but not unlived in. There was evidence that someone did live here, once upon a time. But that thought was quickly turned to horror seeing the massive blood strains that changed the wood from brown to a rusty red. Hatsu didn’t try to thick too much of the disrespect she perhaps was giving to someone's final resting place, her wound on her side causing her more pain now than before. The last room, she assumed was the bed room, was sealed shut. The door not budging, either from age or something ulterior going on inside. She’d rather know what that was now rather than something jumping out at her while she tried to treat herself.
So with both hands she gripped the handle and tried to slide it open with the strength she had left and her weight. The shoji door groaned and protested before a crack sounded out and she almost lost balance as it slid off the hinges and opened. A low yelp came from her as roudants scurried between her feet and out the door, the stale smell of death making her swallow dryly. Moonlight enteried behind her and her knees almost buckled at the sight before her. It was two corpses, both looking mummified and their clothing faded from age. An adult female, cradling the corpse of her child in her arms. Her other was missing and her left leg was gone from the knee down, her right was missing her foot. This was…
She almost fell through the door as she ran back outside and puked, heaving whatever was left in her stomach out on the ground. Her side erupted into more pain as blood now dripped through her fingers that gripped at it. Her mind was jumbled, those bodies had to have been there for years… how had no one found them? How had their family not thought about them at a time like this?
Had the war already spread this far in seclusion years ago?
Hatsu didn’t know who to blame, so she just gulped at the air and shakily stood. She had to physically force her head to become empty by slapping her temples, blood smearing on her face before she looked up numbly.
One thing at a time. One thing at a time. One. Thing. At. A. time.
She was back in the house minutes later, closing the door out of respect for them before she collapsed in the living room that was also the kitchen and front/back door. She was ripping through her pack pulling out her med kit as a whole. The leather pouch was ripped open as she breathed heavily as she pulled off her upper clothing and took the wipes and disinfectant and rubbing at every slice, chunk, open and closed wound. It burned she held in a scream but biting her lips so hard they started to drip blood. The flesh was a mesh of so many different colors. The ivory tone of her skin, pale white, patchy grey, purple, yellow, red, blackened skin around the edges that frostbite was trying to settle in. She packed gauze over the gashes as red started to run down her skin again and wrapped her stomach tightly in bandages. Her eyes kept fluttering open and closed, she could feel the sweat on her skin turn icy from the winter air. Her hands were shaky and numb as she, once again, was fighting the black haze from settling over her eyes.
Soldier pills were scattered on the floor now as she tried to grab one, or two, just any but her hands would not stop shaking that she let out a cry of rage and just grabbed as many that were under her palm and shoving them into her mouth and barely having time to swallow before her head slumped back and her eyes closed.
_____
She snapped awake as her body stimmed in energy, thumping in her veins. For once she was aware of everything so clearly since she woke up the first time. Glancing out the broken front door she shifted in surprise. White fluffy flakes of snow gently fell from the sky and settled on the porch. She was slumped up against some cabinets and it was a mess around her, unlike any other time she hand to open her medical pouch. She was always so neat but from everything, including what was left of her shirt and vest, was scattered around her legs she let out a sigh.
One thing at a time.
This time it was easier to pull herself to her feet, collecting the items and putting them back in their rightful place in the bag. From her bag she pulled out a small scroll, one just about the same size of her palm. She laid it out before giving her finger a lick, wetting the dried blood on her hand as she pressed it out in a circle. Another set of clothes materialized next to it and she pulled on the thick long sleeve shirt to ward away the cold before she made her way outside. It hadn’t been snowing long, she judged that much from how little was covering the ground. Right now she needed warmth to ward off the cold and she was thankful her eyes caught on a pile of chopped wood. She slowly made her way over and grabbed a good amount before she went back into the house. In the middle of the room was an empty square, in which a rusted pot sat on a hook above it. She tossed the wood into the dirt below before she used a fairly weak fire jutsu to set it aflame. Her side twinged and as she stood watching the fire slowly become bigger with the wood she healed it little by little bit.
“Mommy!”
Hatsu whipped around as something akin to a ghostly cry of joy shuddered past her ears. She felt a sort of pull, her feet taking her back towards the room and she stood in front of the door. Right…
One thing at a time.
Fifteen minutes and a lot of gagging later she stood in front of two lumps in the ground behind the house. Both wrapped in an old blanket in the room each, Hatsu felt sorrowful she couldn’t offer more. But with a sigh she slowly got on her knees and placed her hands together in prayer.
I’m sorry that you were forgotten up here, alone. I’m sorry that I cannot offer you anything more than this. Please, rest easy now.
She was once again back inside, the warm of the fire keeping the cold from her bones. The front shoji door was closed somewhat, it was broken in half and there were clearly cracks. But it was keeping the heat in. However everything for once was calm. Was still. And her thoughts were the only noise to accompany her.
Hatsu needed to get back. She needed to fight, how had anyone missed her wondering off like she had? Was she truly forgotten? A sigh shuddered through her. She guessed she wasn’t worth that much to them.
"Everyone’s worth it."
She shook her head at the sudden voice, and chill going down her spine as she envisioned the glare that was paired with it. What was that? That… her brows pinched together as her head pounded. Was she…?
Ah… wait.
Her fingers curled up in her hair and gripped tightly as she felt like she was punched in the gut, everything coming back to her. Her breathing quickened, her heart ached as it started to race, her palms grew sweaty. Oh God…
“Neji…” Tears fell from her eyes as she shook. How could she forget? How could she ever forget him and… “Fuck.”
She’s starting to wish for death once again, because at least then they’d be side by side.