Work Text:
December 16th. 2:00pm. Incheon, South Korea.
Jacob rubs his eyes as he steps outside of baggage claim. It’s mid-afternoon in Korea right now, disorienting to his sleep deprived eyes after a red eye flight.
The sun has no right to be so piercingly bright, he decides, especially in winter. It gleams as it glances off the snow, white light refracting off every surface. Jacob can barely read the license plates of the cars as they glide to a stop by the terminal he stands at.
Finally, he recognizes the white minivan he’s looking for. He pushes a smile to his face as he moves forward to greet his old friend.
Jacob had stayed in Canada for college. He would come to Korea over the summers, take up an internship, visit family, go on vacation. He made a few good friends that way.
But today he isn’t here to visit tourist spots or mingle with second cousins.
No, today, he’d flown across the world to find someone he was ready to face four years later.
Luckily, he and Sangyeon had become close friends at one of Jacob’s summer internships, and he’s letting Jacob crash at his place. For an indefinite amount of time, because Jacob is looking for someone, and he doesn’t know where that someone is.
He lets himself fall into Sangyeon’s familiar embrace as the older man helps him lift his bags into the trunk of the minivan. Jacob throws himself into the worn shotgun seat and lets the tension in his shoulder blades slide.
The streets and road signs blend together as Jacob turns over his plan in his head. Where to go, who to contact. Where to find him.
Jacob and Kevin had been that couple throughout practically all of high school. They fell in love in junior year, and endured their friends’ teasing with the knowledge they would outlast them all. They had homecomings, proms, and movie nights under the stars. It was the perfect relationship, that anyone would have wanted. And Jacob had been so, so, blessed, for every day he got to spend with Kevin in that manner.
Picking him up before school, his go-to coffee order in hand, playlist of Kevin’s favorite tunes loaded up on his phone. Serenades with his guitar and duets on the keyboard, musicals and plays and choir concerts and a bouquet of roses in his hand every time.
Jacob wanted to stay in Canada for college. It wasn’t his initial plan, but he couldn’t see himself anywhere that Kevin wasn’t. All he needed was to stay by his side.
But, despite his parents’ persuasion, Kevin wanted to leave for Korea. They’d stay in touch, of course, he assured Jacob. A relationship like this won’t just dissipate with a little distance.
But Jacob could see it in his eyes, that wildfire he’d never been able to meet. The kind that could never be quenched. Only fed.
Kevin needed to get away. He needed to live. And Jacob wouldn’t be the one to tie him down.
“I don’t want to hold you back,” Jacob recalled his words as the minivan approached Sangyeon’s apartment in Seoul. “You should explore the world with no strings attached.”
Kevin was not happy with the decision. He left before Jacob got to say goodbye.
But college is behind them now. And today, Jacob is following a loose lead to find Kevin in the busy metropolitan hellscape of Seoul.
Supposedly, according to a guy Sangyeon knows named Ji Changmin, he’s working for a publishing firm for childrens’ novels. Jacob did not find that surprising in the least.
So tomorrow, he’s set to meet up with Changmin and find out any dirt on Kevin he can. Why not text him?
He could, if Kevin hadn’t changed his number to a Korean one. There isn’t exactly anyone he could ask for that.
No, he’s doing all he can. He’ll see Kevin again, they’ll catch up. They’ll realize how quickly time flew without each other, and they’ll fall into their old rhythm again.
It will be as if they’ve never been apart.
“Let me know if you need any help settling in!” Sangyeon offers with a smile as they set Jacob’s bags down by the door. The apartment is small, with two bedrooms, a shared bathroom, a kitchen unit, and a living area with a flatscreen TV. No roommates, no pets. Jacob lets out a sigh of relief. This will be fine. Until he finds out where Kevin’s staying, and things escalate with them again.
He takes a shower, lets the hot water slide over his sore muscles as he thinks through all the possibilities. Kevin in his arms again, Kevin’s skin against his own again. Kevin under him again, Kevin’s mouth against his and his tongue—
Jacob blinks down at the pruned skin of his finger tips. He’s been under the water too long.
He shuts the water off and stands with his head hung, hair dripping around him. Tomorrow. Kevin. Tomorrow.
Kevin.
December 17th. 9:00am. Seoul, South Korea.
Ji Changmin is waiting for Jacob at a coffee shop amidst the bustle of the morning rush hour. Jacob tugs his coat closer for warmth against the bite of the winter chill.
Changmin is a sweet-faced man with deepset dimples and a pair of round-rimmed glasses that make his wide eyes wider. He beams up at Jacob as he pulls out a chair at the table. They’re sitting inside, safe from the cold but pressed up against the window all the same.
“I was so surprised when Sangyeon-hyung mentioned you!” Changmin expresses, sipping his vanilla frappuccino. “I don’t know much about Kevin’s old friends, so this is really exciting! You’re here to surprise him, right?”
“Yeah.” Jacob forces himself to focus on the words Changmin’s saying. One mention of Kevin and his brain desperately wants to be elsewhere. “I was thinking of popping by his house when he’s done with work. Do you have his address?” He fiddles with his water glass casually. No coffee for him today. His brain must be unaffected and entirely awake to handle this.
“Hmm… it’s probably on file back at the office.” Changmin taps his chin. “But I don’t think Kevin works today, so I can’t ask him.” Changmin smiles sheepishly. “But I know he lives in Mapo-gu, if that’s anything to go by.”
That’s a massive district, Jacob wants to complain, but he holds his tongue. “Thanks.” He taps his leg anxiously. He’s already running through the process of hailing a cab, searching through every street, every complex, every alleyway until he spots that head of raven-dark hair.
God, he hopes Kevin hasn’t dyed his hair. It always seemed like something he’d do. Jacob won’t be able to handle it if he’s damaged those beautiful strands of night.
“I’ll start there.” Jacob pushes back from the table. He shoots what he hopes is a kind smile at Changmin. “Thanks for the chat.”
“Uh, yeah,” Changmin says, because it’s only been five minutes. “Well, if you need any help finding your way around the city, or anything to do while you’re here—”
“I’ve been here before,” Jacob points out in a way he hopes isn’t too curt. “I’ll be seeing you around, Changmin.”
Mapo-gu. 9.22 square miles. 24 neighborhoods. Population of 400,000.
And only one of them is Kevin Moon.
December 20th. 11:27am. Seoul, South Korea.
Jacob is patrolling the last street of this morning’s set of blocks. So far, no luck, but it’s not like he can check every apartment. Googling tenants and contacting apartment companies can only get him so far.
He’s about to take a lunch break before hitting up the next couple of blocks when something catches his eye.
The boutique in front of him has a window display stuffed with glittering Christmas ornaments and decorations. It tugs a nostalgic smile to Jacob’s face. Kevin adores Christmas.
Something about the display draws him closer, until he’s standing directly in front of it, lost in memories of Christmases past. Helping Kevin put up his family’s tree while they wore matching ugly sweaters. Kevin’s sister would bake cookies, and they’d watch Home Alone, of course, for Kevin’s namesake. And once they were done, they’d lie down beside that tree, all their effort spent, and Jacob would get to slide his hands under that awful ugly sweater to the beautiful moonlit skin beneath.
Subconsciously, his tongue flits out over his lips at the tantalizing thought.
Jacob takes a step forward to enter the shop, wondering what else he’ll relive once he steps inside.
The door swings open in his face, a pile of bags and boxes barely supported in the arms of the harried person leaving. “Oh, I’m sorry!” The person on the other side of the tumultuous pile of presents says. “Didn’t mean to—” They adjust the packages in their arms. “Bump… into you.”
And there, on the doorstep of their memories, is where they reunite once more, four years later.
Kevin frees an arm just for a moment to rub his eyes in disbelief. “Jacob?” He squints before laughing in delight. “Oh, man, this is a surprise!”
“Yeah!” Jacob sighs in relief. “I’m glad I found you,” he almost says out loud. Can’t give himself away just yet.
“I had no idea you were in Korea!” Jacob’s eyes are fixed to Kevin’s face as he speaks. He’s a little less pale than Jacob remembers, he notes with disappointment. He always loved the way Kevin’s skin would glow beneath the moon as it absorbed its light. Kevin’s eyes are wide with surprise, but there is a small smile and a rosy glow of content that shimmers around him. He’s been happy recently.
Surprisingly, the discovery makes Jacob clench his fists. Who’s been making Kevin happy, if it hasn’t been him?
“Jacob?”
“Hm?” Jacob had been so caught up in Kevin’s face he hadn’t heard him speak.
Kevin laughs, smile widening as they step away from the shop’s threshold. “I said, what brings you all the way here?”
“Ah— well, just visiting an old friend,” Jacob supplies.
“Oh,” Kevin says. “Well, it’s really been a while, hasn’t it?” He laughs. He’s laughing an awful lot, Jacob notes. Is he uncomfortable about something?
Perhaps he hasn’t thought about how he feels about Jacob in a while. Seeing him so suddenly must be bringing all his feelings back.
“Do you live in the area?” Jacob asks, because now he wants to know if he’s passed by Kevin’s house already.
“Oh, pretty close by! We have an apartment a couple blocks over. Just getting in my last minute Christmas shopping, haha! You know how it is….”
There was only one word in that answer Jacob fixates on. We.
“We?” He echoes, straining to keep his voice casual.
“Oh, yeah!” Kevin falters for a moment. “I live with my boyfriend.”
“Boyfriend?” Jacob blurts out before he can help himself.
“Um, yeah.” Kevin shifts. He begins to walk down the sidewalk, and Jacob keeps pace beside him. “Wanna come over and meet him? I’ve gotta get all this stuff home anyway.”
Jacob grins. “I’d love to.”
Jacob helps Kevin carry his bags up three flights of stairs while preparing himself for the real challenge. What will his “boyfriend” be like? If Jacob knows Kevin— and of course he does, who could know Kevin better than him? — he’s assuming it’ll be someone similar to Jacob himself. After all, Kevin was always going on about Jacob was just the love of his life. He can’t be replaced by anyone other than just that— a replacement. A place-holder, he muses. Yes, that would make the most sense. Because someone brought in as a replacement can’t possibly be better than the real deal.
Kevin struggles with the key while Jacob bounces on his feet. Running through lines in his head. Ready to sweep Kevin off his feet just like he did back in high school.
“Yo, babe!” Kevin calls into the apartment as he and Jacob shuck off their shoes and deposit the last-minute presents on the dining table near the entrance. There’s a big room directly off the entrance, with a dining area to the left and an open kitchen behind it. To the right, a living area with a TV, couch, and coffee table— and an elaborate gaming setup too, he notes— with a hallway leading off in front of them. “You’ll never guess who I ran into!”
The sound of a door opening echoes down the hallway towards them. “Hmm, who?” A raspy voice responds as light footsteps patter into the kitchen.
“Jacob! You know, Jacob!” Kevin presents Jacob with a beam. “My old high school boyfriend!”
To say Jacob is confused would be an understatement. He’s baffled. He’s befuddled.
The boy in front of him is taller than him, he notices in distaste, probably the same height as Kevin. His hair is bleached, offsetting Kevin’s raven-dark locks with a few streaks of dark blue set in them. His face is round, delicate features giving him the appearance of a porcelain doll. He also looks incredibly unimpressed, but then he smiles, and he looks incredibly kind.
“I’m Chanhee!” He holds out a hand. “Choi Chanhee. It’s nice to meet you!”
Jacob forgets to move his hand for an awfully awkward moment. “Ah, right. Nice to meet you too.”
Chanhee makes tea and the three of them sit down at the dining table.
“You know Vinny from Canada, right?” Jacob almost chokes at the nickname. Kevin always hated nicknames. No one called him anything but Kevin, except his parents, who called him Hyungseo.
“Yeah,” Jacob explains with a smile. “We went to high school together. I was from Toronto, but I moved to Vancouver for high school.”
“Chanhee’s the only one who gets to use that nickname,” Kevin explains. “He used to use it as a joke, just to make me squirm—”
“Oh, come on!” Chanhee rolls his eyes with an exasperated laugh. “But then it stuck once we found out we actually liked each other.”
“Ah.” Jacob does not at all want to get into the particulars of their relationship, but he feels it would be courteous to ask. “How did you two meet?”
“Through work, actually!” Kevin explains, jumping in eagerly. The topic seems to excite him, although Jacob can’t imagine why. Chanhee doesn’t seem particularly interesting. “Chanhee works as an agent representing LGBT writers helping them spread their voice. Our company was hired to help one with their debut, and we met working on the project together!” They beam at each other and Kevin threads his fingers through Chanhee’s.
“That’s nice,” Jacob chokes out. “It’s great that you have common interests.” But it would be impossible for the two of them to have connected on the same level Jacob had with Kevin. The kind of love that lasts through four years apart isn’t one easily broken by a stranger coming in through work.
Jacob smiles at Kevin knowingly across the table. Kevin blinks and smiles back after a moment.
“So what are you here for, Jacob?” Chanhee sips his tea politely.
“I’m staying with a friend I made at an internship,” Jacob says, skirting around the question. “Say, I noticed you were doing a lot of Christmas shopping last minute today, Kev.” He pushes the nickname to sense Kevin’s reaction.
Kevin only sighs. “Well, I’ve been busy lately! I just haven’t had any time before now to get anything for anyone except Chanhee.” He narrows his eyes at Jacob. “And that’s Kevin to you, sir.”
Despite his words, Kevin’s eyes are definitely being playful with him. Jacob made the right move.
They say their goodbyes soon after and Jacob treks back to Sangyeon’s place, repeating Kevin’s address over and over in his head until he commits it to memory. Now that he doesn’t have to wander all over the city for him, it’ll be easy to return to the apartment.
To park himself at a cafe across the street, to wait for someone to emerge from the lobby door. Whether it’s his raven-haired beauty fleeing into his arms, or the intrusive stranger giving them time alone, he’ll wait, and he’ll make his move.
December 20th. 11:50pm. Seoul, South Korea.
Kevin sighs and rolls over. Chanhee lying panting beside him, Kevin makes his trembling legs move towards the bathroom. He wets a soft washcloth and returns to bed.
His boyfriend greets him with a smirk. “What was all that for?”
“Hmm?” Kevin hums innocently as he cleans the blonde boy’s chest.
“You really weren’t holding back.” Chanhee settles back against their pillows. “Did seeing Jacob today do something to you? You trying to remind me you’re mine?” He twines his fingers through the dark strands of Kevin’s hair as Kevin leans down for another kiss.
“I don’t need to prove that,” Kevin mumbles against Chanhee’s jaw. “We both know that.”
He flops down beside him and stretches his arms out. “You wanna watch something?”
Chanhee cuddles up to him immediately. “Ooh, what about that new show you mentioned the other day? What was it about…”
Kevin’s eyes fly open. “Really? You wanna watch that?”
Chanhee smiles. “Well, you seemed really excited about it, so…”
“Yeah!” Kevin plants a kiss on the top of Chanhee's head and flips open his laptop. He settles down against his boyfriend as the show begins to play, eyes sliding closed in a feeling of utter contentment. He can’t remember a time he’s felt so at bliss.
December 22nd. 12:20am. Seoul, South Korea.
Kevin thrusts faster and faster into the pliant body below him. Chanhee’s pants and whines fuel the fire burning deep in his chest. He feeds his desire with each desperate moan he lets escape.
He clenches his fists on either side of Chanhee’s head, dark hair slick with sweat and sticking to his face. From his position he stares down at the face of the man he loves, staring back up at him with an expression that mirrors his own.
Adoration, admiration, admission. Chanhee’s shaking fingers come up to cup his face as Kevin reaches his climax. He feels something break inside him as he realizes the level of dedication he’s willing to go to for this man. He wants to give him everything.
At the end of each day he gets to curl up next to him, slender fingers carding through his hair, his special place, his sweet escape, untouchable and irreplaceable.
His love knows no bounds, and fears no depths.
The next morning Kevin wakes up earlier than usual for work to brew a cup of coffee. He makes it exactly how he knows Chanhee likes, and has a mug waiting for him with his breakfast when the blonde man stumbles out of their bedroom.
“Oh,” Chanhee says, observing the kitchen scene. “So that’s where you went.” He waddles forward into Kevin’s waiting arms and snuggles into his boyfriend’s embrace. “Coffee good. Yes please.”
Kevin buries his nose in Chanhee’s silky hair and breathes in deeply.
“Are you smelling me?” Chanhee’s deadpan tone comes from Kevin’s sweater.
“Um.”
Chanhee tilts his head back to raise an eyebrow at him. “Weirdo.” And he kisses Kevin for longer than necessary. Kevin wants to stay here forever.
“Wanna go somewhere today?” Chanhee threads their fingers together and blinks up at him. “After work. Like a date.” He rests his head on Kevin’s shoulder like it belongs to him. Each just an extension of the other.
Kevin tenses. “I’ve got an errand to run, I’m sorry.”
“Aw.” Chanhee pouts. “More Christmas shopping?”
“Yeah.” Kevin grins. “I know, I’m running late.”
“I thought you got everyone’s already.”
Kevin’s heart thumps faster, and he’s sure that Chanhee, wrapped so closely around him, can hear it. “It’s for you, though.”
“Oh-ho,” Chanhee says, eyes widening. “So that’s why you’re being secretive about it?” He steps back and folds his arms. “I thought you got mine already.”
“Well, not quite.” It’s expensive as fuck. “I know what it is, I just have to… get it.”
“Uh huh.” Chanhee squints. “Well, alright... I trust you.”
Kevin feels his heart seize up once more. He’s already certain what the outcome will be, they’ve talked about things like this before. But he can’t stop the knowledge from entering his thoughts that this will either be the best or the worst Christmas ever.
December 23rd. 2:00pm. Seoul, South Korea.
“Lemme see, lemme see, lemme see!”
Kevin holds the box up and out of Eric’s reach. “Jesus, no. You’ll break it. Do you have any idea how many thousands of dollars this cost me?”
Eric’s eyes widen. “How many?”
“Like, one. But that’s a lot of money!!”
Eric sighs and smooths out their skirt from where they’re seated on the couch. “Yeah, yeah, sure.”
Kevin huffs and sits down beside them after carefully tucking the ring box away somewhere safe. “I’m planning on Christmas Eve. Should I do it on the day instead? I don’t know!”
“Dude, it’s tomorrow, and you still don’t have a plan?” Eric shakes their head. “No wonder you called me in desperation.”
Kevin props his chin in his hands and watches them play with the hem of their cotton-candy-pink skater skirt. It goes well with the lacy white socks. He wishes he could pull that off.
“So what should I do for him? I mean, this is big….”
Eric snorts. “Well, yeah, no shit. Don’t you know him better than anyone else, though?”
“I’d like to think so!” Kevin huffs. “Maybe I should call his parents…”
Eric raises their eyebrows. “Haven’t you done that already?”
“Well, I told them when I first decided before I even bought the ring, and they were ecstatic, but the pressure’s still all on me!”
“Stick the ring in a tomato, or something.”
Kevin whacks Eric upside the head with a pillow. “God, he’d break up with me on the spot.”
It’s hard to focus on this when Kevin’s thoughts are still full of Jacob. Seeing him again after so many years had been a total trip. Especially when before now, all his thoughts had been on proposing to Chanhee. It’s not like his heart has been swayed. It’s just… a bit confused now.
His feelings for Jacob dissipated about a year after he’d left for college, and while he’d been disappointed and yearned to cling to his first love, soon after he met Chanhee, that changed.
Chanhee was aloof and unconcerned with practically everything Kevin had to say to him. That was, until they discovered their common love for poetry. Not long after they began to hang out, Chanhee’s nicknames for him became less and less ironic, and Kevin began to notice sweet poems being left for him at his desk. They got more detailed each and every time, expressing things about him he’d only ever told to Chanhee.
It became a little hard to keep the sender a secret after that, and Kevin cornered his future boyfriend one day after they’d been working together. Chanhee, knowing he’d been found out, was worried Kevin was going to call him out on it. Kevin asked him out instead.
“Hello?” Eric snaps their fingers in front of Kevin’s face, bringing him back to reality. “Earth to Kevin? You with me?”
Kevin slams his hand on the coffee table, startling Eric. “I know what I’m gonna do!”
“That’s great, but did you have to jump scare me like that?!”
December 24th. 9:47am. Seoul, South Korea.
“Isn’t it a little early for you to be this mopey?” Sangyeon jokes as he gets ready for work.
Jacob only grunts from his seat at the kitchen counter. He stares into his cup of instant ramen listlessly. Stirs it dully with his chopsticks. Sips his bitter coffee without really tasting it.
It doesn’t make sense. How someone like that can make his Kevin happy.
Yesterday was the first time Chanhee left their apartment without Kevin, but someone else entered it almost immediately. It’s like Kevin refused to be alone or something.
Which was stupid, because he’s filling his life with people he doesn’t need when all he needs is Jacob.
“Cobie?” Sangyeon moves closer in concern. Places a hand on Jacob’s shoulder. “Everything okay?” He sets his bag down on the counter. “If something’s bothering you, you can talk about it.”
Jacob turns his head away, doesn’t see the concern in Sangyeon’s eyes, the hidden feelings that’ve been buried for years.
“Doesn’t have anything to do with you.” He leaves the remains of his breakfast on the counter and returns to his room. He’s not staying with Sangyeon so that the older boy can butt into his life. He just needs a place to sleep.
Until he gets his Kevin back.
He takes a shower, lets the hot water hit his skin and engulf him in steam. He thinks of Kevin splayed out beneath him and wonders just how he and that boy are pleasing themselves when Kevin’s always been submissive to him. Kevin doesn’t top. And he’s only opened himself up to Jacob.
Because no one knows Kevin like he does.
When Sangyeon returns in the evening, he finds that Jacob has shorted out the hot water.
“Just how long of a shower did you take earlier?” Sangyeon laughs nervously as he emerges, damp hair slicked back as he leans in the doorway. Any average person would have found such a pose dangerously attractive, but Jacob doesn’t glance up from his phone. Kevin’s Instagram, open before him but carefully tucked out of prying eyes against his chest.
“Hmm? Dunno.” Jacob turns away so he can safely examine the social page once more. “Don’t you have something to do?” He can’t think of a good reason Sangyeon would have to be bothering him right now, especially when Jacob’s so busy.
“Uh— yeah, sorry.” Sangyeon smiles awkwardly. “Um, goodnight, Cobie.”
“Close the door, would you?”
“Yeah, yeah, course!” Sangyeon shuts the door politely behind him and Jacob sighs in relief. He really wishes Sangyeon wasn’t such a hassle. If only Kevin was being easier about this. But Chanhee is going to be a problem. How to make him see….
He refuses to return to Canada until Kevin is his. And he won’t let anything stand in his way.
December 24th. 7:15pm. Seoul, South Korea.
Kevin dumps the last of the dishes in the sink, scrubbing away at the leftover food clinging to the surface. Chanhee carries in the last of the glasses from their Christmas Eve dinner, and once he’s deposited them on the kitchen counter, he wraps his arms snug around his boyfriend from behind.
“That was lovely,” Chanhee tells him in a sing-song voice. Kevin smiles and cranes his neck around to snag a kiss. “I’m still waiting for my present, though.”
Kevin tenses. Chanhee can feel the shift beneath his hands of course, and Kevin forces himself to relax. He thinks of the piece of paper he has tucked away beneath the table’s centerpiece. The small box in his pocket. The future he has waiting before him, all dependent on Chanhee’s monosyllabic answer.
“This better not be a “I’m your present” kind of deal,” Chanhee says in a lighthearted tone, stepping back. Kevin sighs, releasing the tension of his stress.
“Definitely not. I’ve learned my lesson.” He glances towards the table, admiring the new beading kit Chanhee had gotten him. It’s been just a hobby, and he hasn’t even talked about it much, but of course Chanhee noticed how much he’s been enjoying himself. He’s thoughtful like that.
Kevin turns back to the dishes only to notice they’ve all been cleaned. No more delaying it or beating around the bush, then.
“I guess we can do it now,” Kevin admits, rubbing the back of his head as he leads Chanhee back to the dining table.
“What, is it something embarrassing?” Chanhee teases. “Are you serenading me?”
“No, but that is something I seriously considered,” Kevin confesses, although of course it wouldn’t have been the entire gift. “Just warning you, this could be the best thing ever or something you absolutely hate, though.”
Chanhee’s eyes widen. Maybe Kevin shouldn’t have let that much slip. “I’m ready,” Chanhee surprises him by saying, face settling into a satisfied smile. Can he— does he suspect? Kevin shakes himself and pulls out the piece of paper. Hand clutching the box in his hand, he hands the poem to Chanhee.
The first poem he ever received from Chanhee went like this:
The glow of moonlight
The glimmer of your eyes
I wonder how bright
You burn inside
I’d like to find
Just what it takes
For you to hold
My heart at stake
This is his reply.
The sun will never shine as bright
No limit to your dazzling light
With every day you astound me
I wonder just how can it be
That I have found someone who
Could be as wonderful as you
So it is all I hope to do
In asking if I may marry you
The paper drops from Chanhee’s hands and flutters to the floor. Kevin holds his breath.
Chanhee’s hand flies to his mouth and he looks up at Kevin in shock, eyes shimmering as tears swim within them. “You—”
Kevin sucks in air through his teeth.
“You’re not fucking around with this, are you?”
It’s not what Kevin was expecting to hear, but Chanhee sounds so hopeful, that it just might make Kevin’s heart break.
Rather than responding, Kevin kneels down and offers the box in his pocket instead. Propping it open, he reveals the diamond ring he bought a few days ago.
“Oh, my God.” Chanhee covers his face with his hands. “I can’t— Oh, shit, I didn’t even say my answer yet— well, I mean, yes, obviously, but holy shit— wait, you really mean this?” Chanhee’s tears have bubbled over and are streaming down his face now, but all Kevin can focus on is the “yes” he heard somewhere in there.
He shoots to his feet, discarding the ring box (carefully) on the table to sweep Chanhee up in his arms. “I just can’t believe—” Chanhee sobs before he can finish his sentence.
“Yes, I’m serious, and yes, I mean it,” Kevin assures him, kissing his hair over and over until Chanhee lifts his head and he can kiss his face instead.
“Okay.” Chanhee smiles as he sniffs and wipes his face. “Okay. Sorry. That was a lot. I mean, I was hoping, but I wasn’t really expecting …” He watches as Kevin slides the ring onto his finger. “Wow. I bet this cost a lot.”
Kevin laughs and kisses him again. “Worth it, though.”
Chanhee rolls his eyes and allows Kevin to lead him away to their bedroom. “Well, I should hope so.”
December 24th. 11:22pm. Seoul, South Korea.
“You’re leaving? Right now?”
Sangyeon hovers in the doorway as he watches Jacob shove his clothes violently into his suitcase.
“No point in me staying here anymore.”
“O...kay,” Sangyeon says slowly. He hesitates for a moment more before crossing the room. Jacob stiffens when he feels a hand on his shoulder.
Sangyeon kneels uncomfortably close beside him. “You know, if something’s wrong, you can talk to me about it.” Jacob doesn’t like the way the older man’s thumb rubs over his skin while he talks.
He pushes Sangyeon off and zips his suitcase closed. Sangyeon blinks. “Does this have something to do with Kevin’s post?”
Jacob freezes. Half an hour ago, right before he’d booked his flight back to Canada, Kevin had posted a picture on Instagram. Obviously, having his notifications on, Jacob saw it right away. It was a picture of two hands intertwined, and one of them was wearing a ring on its fourth finger. Obviously, Jacob could tell one of the hands was Kevin— how could he not recognize something he spent so long worshipping?— and the ring-wearing one was clearly Chanhee. That, combined with the generic cheesy caption along the lines of “He said yes!” was enough to make Jacob realize he was wasting his time.
If Kevin wasn’t willing to realize he was wasting his life with someone who wasn’t Jacob, then Jacob will just have to leave him behind. He will never love again, of course, but he can’t keep expending his energy on someone who won’t listen to him.
Someday, farther down the line, he will try again. Marriage, especially at such a young age, won’t last very long, Jacob is sure.
An 11 hour flight later, Jacob is taking a cab to his parents’ home back in Canada. He props his chin on his hand and stares out the window, unaware of how fast things are flying back in Korea.
January 6th. 3:20pm. Toronto, Canada.
“I don’t think—”
“Maybe we shouldn’t—”
“I’m sure it’ll be fine, how many years has it been?”
“Yes, but—”
Jacob emerges from his room to see his family gathered in the entryway, hushed voices quieting entirely as soon as he enters.
“Oh! Cobie!” His mother tries to hide the mail behind her back. “Have you— well, it’s just—”
“What did you get?” Jacob asks curiously, reaching for the envelope. “Oh, you opened it already.”
His family’s protests fall on deaf ears as he pulls the card out of the envelope. His fingers immediately tighten to the point he might wrinkle the cardstock from how fiercely he grips it.
An invitation.
To Kevin and Chanhee’s wedding, that is.
Set in May— God, that’s soon— to be held in Korea. Kevin’s parents will be flying out, of course, and they’ve invited Jacob and his whole family.
“We want to go, of course,” his mother says uncertainly. “But— well, it’s been a while, but we know you’ve always cared for him, so… this might not be easy. But we’ll respect your decision.”
Jacob suddenly isn’t sure what he wants. Does he want to be there when Kevin seals himself to someone he shouldn’t be with? Does he need to watch as he loses the one person he is meant to be with?
Or maybe this will be his last chance to make his move. Maybe there, Kevin will understand the mistake he’s making. Maybe this will be Jacob’s chance to prove himself.
“Yeah.” He tosses the invitation down onto the counter and meets the eyes of his family. “I’ll go.”
January 18th. 8:35am. Seoul, South Korea.
Kevin isn’t worried.
He fills a mug with tea— peppermint, Chanhee’s favorite— and carries it to where his fiancé is lying on the couch. Chanhee is swaddled in an oversized hoodie and sweatpants, piled under layers of blankets and a mountain of dirty tissues.
“Thanks,” Chanhee croaks as Kevin nestles down beside him. He lifts the mug to his lips, and almost immediately the hot liquid sloshes over him as he is wracked by another coughing fit.
Kevin snatches the mug from him and sets it safely down on the coffee table. He strokes Chanhee’s hair back.
“I’m fine,” Chanhee says in response to no question asked. “It’s just a cold.”
“I’ll call you in sick.” Kevin stands and raises his phone to his ear. Chanhee has been known to get sick often. Kevin is no stranger to coddling and babying him until he’s better. He turns with a smile to watch Chanhee sniffle and blow cutely at the steaming mug of tea.
Kevin is used to this. So he isn’t worried.
He settles back down next to Chanhee and puts on their favorite reality show. They cuddle up next to each other and Kevin closes his eyes in contentment.
The next day, he feels a prickling in the pit of his stomach. Unease, he’d call it. Chanhee gets sick often, but not for long. Kevin had been hoping he’d be better today.
But Chanhee is still wrapped up in his blankets, only this time he’s in bed and not on the couch. He claims he was too lazy, but Kevin is sure it’s because he really doesn’t have the strength to get up.
So he calls Younghoon, because the man’s a doctor, and he agrees to come over.
With their tall friend in the house, Kevin feels better. Younghoon has a reassuring aura like that. He smiles at Kevin when the Canadian opens the door, and it’s enough to relieve Kevin’s nerves.
“It could just be a common cold,” Younghoon observes after taking Chanhee’s temperature. “They can last up to over a week. If he’s got a cough, runny nose, and a fever, that’s not that uncommon for a cold. Let me know if any other symptoms show up, though.”
“Like what?” Kevin frets.
Chanhee shoves Younghoon aside and lurches over the side of the bed, where he promptly throws up on the floor.
“Like that,” Younghoon says after a moment of silence. Kevin rushes to the bathroom to clean up his fiancé’s face while Younghoon helps him mop up the floor. Now Kevin knows things are bad, because Chanhee’s face is screwed up in pain and he isn’t even able to utter an apology, which is unlike him.
Younghoon pulls Kevin out of the bedroom and closes the door.
“For now, keep him here, but if he gets worse, take him to the hospital.”
“For a cold?”
Younghoon shakes his head. “It might turn into something worse. Better safe than sorry.” He ruffles Kevin’s hair as he walks out. “Keep me updated, yeah?”
Kevin returns to Chanhee’s bedside. He knows he should be getting work done, but the terse words of his boss are nothing compared to the pain of being separated from his lover in a state like this.
So he holds Chanhee’s hand until they both fall asleep tangled in the sheets.
January 23rd. 4:00pm. Seoul, South Korea.
Kevin is trembling.
He’s trying to call Younghoon, but his fingers are shaking too badly and he can’t hit the right button.
“Kevin?”
“Younghoonie-hyung, please, can you come over? I—” Kevin scrubs at his tearful eyes. “Can you please hurry?”
“Kevin? What’s wrong?” He hears the sound of a door closing, and a few moments later, a car starting. “I’m on my way. Is Chanhee okay?”
“He’s coughing— coughing really bad now, it started a few days ago and it hasn’t stopped—”
“And you didn’t tell me?”
“He hasn’t been eating well, and now he says his chest hurts—”
“Shit. Okay. Um. How’s his breathing?”
“Not good—”
“Okay. Just hang on, I’m almost there, alright?”
Younghoon hangs up, and Kevin sinks to his knees in the entryway. It’s been a tough five days, and he clutches his chest as he curls into himself. He can’t cry, won’t let himself cry, has to be strong for Chanhee.
He pulls himself to his feet and goes to open the door for Younghoon.
January 26th. 11:00am. Seoul National University Hospital, Seoul, South Korea.
Kevin glances up from his book when there’s a knock on the door.
“Hello, Mr. Moon!” It’s the nice nurse. She’s the nice one, because of the other two nurses, one is extremely huffy about Kevin being Chanhee’s fiancé (probably homophobic) and the other never speaks. So he’s overjoyed to see that it’s the nice nurse bringing Chanhee his meds this shift.
This has been their routine for the past three days. Chanhee was taken into a private suite, which Kevin was hesitant about (that shit’s expensive) but the doctors urged it was necessary.
“What could have caused it?” He’d asked. “He’s never gotten this sick before!”
“Chanhee has a chronically weak immune system,” the head doctor had explained patiently to him on the first day. “It makes him extremely vulnerable to all illnesses.”
“Really? But… he usually gets better quickly.”
“If it’s something mild like a cold, yes. But this seems to be more aggressive.”
“Like what?” Kevin fiddled anxiously.
“We might be looking at pneumonia.”
Kevin relaxes. “That’s not too bad, is it?”
“Not normally. But with a weakened immune system, it’ll be a tough fight for Chanhee.”
Kevin has done his best to leave his side as little as possible, but it’s painful to see the various tubes and wires Chanhee is hooked up to. He can’t leave the bed at all, for anything, as he’s having trouble moving his arms and legs. Kevin enjoys feeding him like a baby bird.
Most surprising, however, was the phone call Kevin got yesterday afternoon. Of all people to hear the news and call to check in on him, he hadn’t been expecting Jacob.
It has been a little over a month since his ex-boyfriend had returned to Canada, and even before he left, they hadn’t spoken much. It was nice to see him again that one time, but even then, something felt off. He hadn’t been entirely comfortable.
But Jacob was insistent on flying out to be there for Kevin, because, quote, “No one else is,”— which isn’t strictly true— and Kevin appreciates the support.
“You’re getting married soon, aren’t you?” The nice nurse asks as she checks Chanhee’s IV.
“Yeah!” The simple thought is enough to wipe Kevin’s mind of his worries. “In a few months, actually.” He reaches out to intertwine his fingers with Chanhee. “I’m looking forward to getting him back on his feet again.” Chanhee’s sleeping face twitches into a smile like he can hear him.
The nurse seems to hesitate, but her kind smile is quickly plastered on again. “But a spring wedding is so… boisterous, isn’t it? Wouldn’t a summer wedding be sweeter?”
Kevin blinks. “Huh?”
“Well, I just mean, the weather here is so lovely in the summer, I think a later wedding would be better suited for you two gentlemen.” The nurse flushes. “Just to ensure you… have enough time. To prepare.”
Kevin smiles and shakes his head. “I appreciate the concern, but I don’t think we’ll be here long. We have plenty of time.”
The nurse’s smile falters. “Of course.”
Kevin turns back to Chanhee and squeezes his hand. “You’ll be out of here soon,” he promises his fiancé once the nurse leaves. “I swear.”
January 27th. 3:00pm. Seoul National University Hospital, Seoul, South Korea.
Chanhee is awake when Kevin returns from his short shift at work the following day. He only agreed to go back to work if the nurses insisted they’d call him immediately if anything came up. Chanhee’s parents have been in and out, but they aren’t here now as Kevin throws the door open and lurches inside.
“Hey,” Chanhee greets him from where he’s sitting up.
Kevin meets him with a grin. “Are you feeling better?” His heart lifts. Thank God, it looks like the end of this dark spell is near.
Chanhee wavers. “Not… really.” He places a hand on his stomach. “I’m having trouble keeping food down.” He sighs. “This IV is my best friend now.” He stares forlornly at the drip bags until Kevin swats his shoulder playfully.
“Oh, come on.”
Chanhee winces more than Kevin anticipated. He grimaces but Kevin can’t ignore the spear of guilt that stabs through him.
“I’m sorry…”
“I’m fine,” Chanhee assures him. He manages a quick smile before he jolts forward.
“What is it, what’s wrong?” Kevin lunges forward and pulls Chanhee towards him as gently as he can, rubbing soothing circles on Chanhee’s back. Chanhee sounds like he’s hacking his lungs out, hunched over on the bed and struggling to take a deep breath into his rattling lungs.
The door flies open and a nurse comes rushing in. Kevin is pushed aside and the nurse helps ease Chanhee back against his pillows. His view is blocked but Kevin can see enough that when Chanhee lowers his hand from his mouth, he sees a splash of something dark against his palm.
Kevin’s eyes go wide as his stomach plummets. Coughing up… blood? That’s… bad.
Well, no shit. But it means Chanhee’s not getting better.
He’s getting worse.
The nurse puts something into his IV and Chanhee relaxes against his pillows again. “We’ll give him stronger painkillers and I’ll check in for the cough,” The nurse tells Kevin. “We may have to transfer him to an Urgent Care unit if this worsens.”
It won’t, though, Kevin wants someone to say. It won’t, right?
Chanhee falls asleep and Kevin checks his phone. He has a text— from Jacob.
Kev~, im back in town!! wanna grab dinner??
The text is sent in English— it’s been a while since he spoke his first language. He usually speaks English with Jacob, but with Chanhee with them last time, it would have been rude.
Maybe it would be nice to have a night he could reminisce with—
No. He glances back toward the hospital bed behind him. Chanhee needs him right now. He can’t leave.
Kevin plants himself in the chair by Chanhee’s bedside, and he’d be damned if he didn’t stay there all night.
February 1st. 9:15am. Seoul National University Hospital, Seoul, South Korea.
Kevin brings Chanhee breakfast from the cafeteria downstairs, but soon realizes he can’t eat it. It’s been difficult for him to keep food down, so he’s getting everything through IV soon. Kevin tells himself it’s just a crutch for him until he gets his strength back.
“Mr Moon?” The doctor pokes his head in and smiles as he sees Kevin sitting in the same chair he’s been glued to for a week. “Can I speak with you for a moment?”
Kevin glances at Chanhee in mute protest.
“In my office, if we could?” The doctor prompts.
Kevin squeezes his fiancé’s hand and follows the doctor out into the hall and into his office. It’s a cramped space, walls lined in shelves stacked with awards and plaques. Little figures litter his desk, mini models of medical equipment and several framed photos of a small family. Kevin smiles at the pictures. A family. That’s what he’s got waiting for him, soon.
“I’ve been reviewing Chanhee’s tests,” the doctor tells him, a smile fixed on his face. It’s not a smile that screams “Good news! Your fiancé is going to be okay!”
It’s the type of gentle smile one wears when they have to give news they know you don’t want to hear.
“And I’m aware you have a wedding coming up soon. Just a couple of months, right?” The doctor pulls things up on his computer and begins typing into a database.
“Um, yes. May 13, actually.”
The doctor nods. “A good day, that is.”
Kevin has to agree.
“However, I’m afraid with the track we’re on right now for Chanhee’s treatment, that kind of deadline just isn’t reasonable.” The doctor folds his hands on his desk and meets Kevin’s eyes evenly.
“I’m… sorry?”
“I don’t think three months is enough time for Chanhee to completely heal and then plan a whole wedding. Assuming that you’re not willing to plan the whole thing on your own without him.”
Kevin shakes his head.
“I thought so.” The doctor closes out of his computer. “Listen. I know this is hard to hear. I have to deliver a lot of bad news to a lot of unhappy people. I hate it, but it’s part of my job. So I understand that this is painful for you.” Now the smile the doctor offers is warm and sympathetic. “But there’s still hope. There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel, okay?” He stands, and Kevin, feeling dizzy, follows.
“Picking a much later date for the wedding will have you both feeling much more comfortable, alright?” With a soft hand on Kevin’s back, the doctor steers them back towards Chanhee’s room.
Kevin shakes his head. He’s surprised by the empathy and compassion in the doctor’s voice, despite the fact that he doesn’t seem to be much older than Kevin himself.
“Um— thank you, Dr…?”
“Lee,” the doctor finishes with a wink. “Dr Lee Jaehyun.”
Kevin hangs his head as he sits back down next to Chanhee. Chanhee spends most of his days unconscious, only awake for a couple of hours each day and Kevin makes sure he’s there for each one of them.
Chanhee’s parents come in the next day, and they hug Kevin as soon as they see him. He’s always loved Chanhee’s parents, how they made him feel like part of the family.
“What are the doctors saying?” Chanhee’s mother asks in a hushed tone.
“I think he’s going to be okay,” Kevin whispers. His future parents-in-law sigh in relief and they hold each other tight.
The next day, they get the news.
February 3rd. 5:00pm. Seoul National University Hospital, Seoul, South Korea.
“I’m glad you’re all here.” Dr Lee is back, and this time, he isn’t trying to smile. “Can you step outside with me for a moment?”
Outside the Urgent Care unit Chanhee is currently in is a waiting room, rather than a hallway. Perhaps to give them more privacy, but Kevin dreads the type of conversations that require privacy here.
“We just got the results from the most recent tests we ran,” the doctor informs them. “I’m afraid it’s worse than we thought.” He beckons them forward and shows the results on his clipboard. “As you can see here, his immune system is far weaker than it should be in order to fight off this virus. As a result, his body is unable to fend for itself. We’ve been helping it along with antibiotics and rest and support, but after a while if tolerance builds up, that won’t cut it.” Dr Lee’s eyes flick between them as if waiting for them to catch on. He sighs, dreading having to say it himself. “There’s nothing we can do if it reaches that point.”
Kevin doesn’t understand.
“Nothing… you can…” It’s all he can do to repeat the words back at the man and hope it’ll be restated in a way that he can agree with.
“It may reach the point very soon where what we’re doing for Chanhee isn’t helping him. He will succumb to the illness. From what we’ve seen, this outcome is inevitable. It’s only a matter of time.” He closes his eyes, and then makes sure to meet Kevin’s gaze. “I’m sorry, but we’re going to lose him.”
Lose him.
Lose him.
Lose… him?
Kevin doesn’t understand what that means.
Lose Chanhee, who’s been by his side through his best and worst, for his happiest moments alongside his saddest? His partner in crime, his best friend, the lover he’s sworn to protect and defend while he battles his invisible foe?
His fiancé, who he’s ready to promise his life to?
Kevin is unable to picture Chanhee not being in his life. It doesn’t equate. Doesn’t add up. Doesn’t make sense.
Dr Lee retreats, unable to bear the sight of Chanhee’s parents hugging each other and sobbing while Kevin stands still, face probably screwed up in confusion while he tries to calculate just how, exactly, this might be possible.
He decides that it isn't.
“You’re wrong,” he tells the doctor. Dr Lee smiles sympathetically. “He’s not going anywhere. He can’t.” Kevin’s heart seizes. His future of a family, gone— “I have to marry him.”
He sounds like a petulant child. He doesn’t care.
The tears overflow and stream out like banners declaring his pain. “I have to, I need to, he can’t go— he’ll be fine, right? He’s okay… he wouldn’t leave me…”
Dr Lee rubs a hand on Kevin’s shoulder. “Just appreciate the time you have left with him, alright?”
But Chanhee barely has the strength to speak when he’s conscious now, so how—
Kevin shoves him off and heads back to his fiancé. They’re wrong. They’re all wrong. They have to be.
Because Chanhee is meant to be with him, forever.
February 14th. 2:00pm. Seoul National University Hospital, Seoul, South Korea.
Kevin gives the bouquet of flowers in his hands a shake to rid them of his tears and pushes a smile onto his face. He slides the door of the hospital room open and is meeted with a smile.
He was alerted that Chanhee only woke up a short while ago, and he raced over as fast as he could. Unable to sit up on his own, Chanhee’s bed has been raised up so Kevin can lean in for a hug.
They’d pulled Chanhee off much of his medication, leaving only the painkillers. At this point, there is no use for them.
With each day uncertain, the end looming invisible and inevitable, Kevin won’t let Valentine’s Day slip away from them.
Chanhee can’t eat any solids, so chocolates or sweets aren’t an option. Instead, he places the fresh flowers in the vase and leans forward to kiss Chanhee’s forehead.
“How are you feeling, my beloved?”
“Okay, actually,” Chanhee replies, and Kevin feels relieved even though he knows at this point there’s no hoping for a recovery. He’s had ten days to face the music, and somehow, Chanhee has been stronger than he is. “Not a bad way to go, if I get you doting on me like this.” His voice is raspy and speaking is a struggle, but he does it anyway.
Kevin snorts and flicks his forehead lightly. “Okay, if you’re gonna be like that, I’m not bringing you any more stuff.”
Chanhee weakly lifts his arm and Kevin moves to meet him halfway as he clasps their hands. “I appreciate you, I really do.”
Kevin gives him a watery smile. “I—”
“This is harder for you than me, I know.” Chanhee’s eyes are glazed over, but his smile is still as beautiful as always. “I’m sorry for leaving you.”
Kevin swallows. “I’ll try not to hurry after you too soon.”
Chanhee’s smile twists into a smirk. “Good.”
Suddenly, his eyes go wide. Chanhee gasps, but the sound is harsh and strangled and he can’t get air into his lungs. Kevin hits the emergency button as Chanhee struggles to take air in and finds the process impossible.
The room is flooded with hospital staff and Kevin is ushered aside. He sees Chanhee collapse against the pillows, and, a moment later, hears a sound that’s been plaguing his dreams lately.
A single, continuous, monotone beep.
A flatline.
Dr Lee takes out a defibrillator, rubbing them together. Prepping them against Chanhee’s torso, a voice calls, “Clear!” and Chanhee’s body jolts up. Kevin shrinks back into the corner of the room, feeling every inch of his body trembling.
“Clear!”
Jolt.
“Clear!”
Jolt.
“Clear!”
Jolt.
It feels like it goes on for an eternity. Every time there’s no response, Kevin feels the pressure in his chest build. He wants to burst forward and do something himself, but he’s powerless here. Everything is out of his hands.
He sees the doctor turn away, and what are you doing, put that thing back on him and bring him back, and just as the defibrillator is being packed up, a familiar beep, beep, beep, that’s been background noise for the past few weeks fills the air.
Kevin gasps and sinks to the ground. Even the nurses look shocked as Chanhee’s heartbeat begins to be tracked on the monitor once more.
“Sticking around a little longer, it seems,” Dr Lee observes. He turns to Kevin and smiles. “You’ve got yourself a fighter.”
Kevin’s heart swells with pride. Hell yes, he does.
Dr Lee steps closer and places a hand on Kevin’s shoulder. “We don’t know when that might happen again. He might not make it to tomorrow. If you’re going to do something, do it soon.”
He might not make it to tomorrow. The words echo in Kevin’s mind even as the doctor leaves the room.
If you’re going to do something… Kevin’s feet lead him out of the room, out the waiting room, and down the hall.
Do it soon.
“You’re asking me to do what?”
“Listen, can you do it or not?”
“Yeah… yeah, course, I’m on my way soon as I can… but shit, man, I had no idea you had this going on….”
“It’s alright. Thank you, Juyeon.” Kevin hangs up and takes a breath. Juyeon had gotten ordained a few years back for a friend’s wedding, and was just barely still eligible. He might not make it to tomorrow. If you’re going to do something, do it soon.
Kevin’s going to marry Chanhee, and he’s going to do it today.
They don’t have vows planned. They say the usual stuff, I do and all that, and they don’t have rings. There’s no time, but neither of them care. Kevin kneels to kiss Chanhee and they lean their foreheads together.
“I love you.”
“I know.” That smile, the teasing and endearing smile he knows so well, the one he holds most dear. “I love you too.”
They stay there, leaning against each other, for a while. Nurses come and go, check on Chanhee and make sure he’s comfortable, because that’s all they can do.
“I don’t really give a shit about what happens to me after this,” Chanhee confesses. “To be honest, being with you is what made me happiest. So... I’m just glad I got to have you as long as I did.” He brushes a strand of dark hair out of Kevin’s face while his husband chokes back a sob. “I’m just worried about you.”
“Don’t,” Kevin manages around the sting of tears. “I’ll be fine. I promise I won’t wallow in pity and depression for years, okay? You’d hate that.”
Chanhee grins. “Yeah, I would.” He traces Kevin’s cheekbone with his thumb and smiles in a way that can only be described as adoring. “All I want is for you to lead a life you’re proud of. That makes you happy. And…” He slips something into Kevin’s palm. He stares down at it. It’s a ring. For a moment, he thinks it’s the one he gave Chanhee, but no, his husband’s still wearing that one. Somehow, Chanhee had gotten this ring for Kevin. “Make sure you have some fun too, alright? Just don’t totally leave me behind.”
Kevin can’t help his grin. He slides the ring onto his finger and kisses Chanhee’s forehead. “Whatever you say, baby.”
He sits on the edge of the bed and leans his head against Chanhee’s. They stay there for a long time, just being with each other, and Kevin feels himself drift off to sleep.
The monotone beep that follows him into his dreams doesn’t breach his unconscious sanctuary.
Kevin wakes up to see Dr Lee smiling down at him. “You have a nice nap?” He asks in a teasing tone. Kevin rolls his eyes.
Dr Lee’s eyes flick towards Chanhee. “I think you’re both resting well.”
Kevin turns to look down at Chanhee. He’s been pulled from all IVs and tubes, and the heart monitor is gone. But instead of feeling the sharp pain of despair he’s been faced with the past few days, Kevin only smiles. He reaches out to brush his hand against Chanhee’s face, thumb stroking lightly against eyelids closed forever.
“I’m glad.”
February 16th. 3:00pm. Seoul, South Korea.
Jacob licks his lips in anticipation. This is it. His moment, finally arrived at last.
He bounces on the balls of his feet and knocks again. He hears shuffling beyond the door, so he knows Kevin is home.
The door creaks open. Kevin pokes his face out, eyes framed by dark bags and hair pulled into a messy ponytail. His shirt is ripped and his sweatpants stained. He looks dreamy.
Jacob pushes the door open and steps inside.
“Thanks for coming,” Kevin says. “Most people have just left a voicemail cause they don’t know what to say.”
“I always know what to say when it comes to you.” Jacob reaches out to brush Kevin’s hair back. Kevin takes a step back quickly.
“Um.” Kevin turns away. He walks towards the kitchen and busies himself. He seems to be waiting for Jacob to say something.
“How much stuff are you keeping?” Jacob asks, hardly able to contain himself. This is so exciting! He’s so close to having Kevin all to himself again.
Kevin pauses. “Excuse me?”
“I mean, you’ll probably want to clear stuff out, right? Clean the slate, start over… or, maybe… pick something else up again….” Jacob grins at him as Kevin turns back around, a look of horror transfixed to his face.
“Jacob, it’s been two days.” Kevin clenches his fists. “I lost my husband.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know.” Jacob shrugs and moves closer. “But you can’t have been that close. I mean, he definitely didn’t know you as well as I do.” He tips his head and smiles at Kevin, heart pounding faster as he finally spills his feelings. “So maybe this can be a good opportunity for us.” He reaches out to run a hand down Kevin’s arm. He feels goosebumps pop up on the skin as he touches it. Kevin turns to grab a mug from the cupboard. Jacob grins. “Don’t act like you haven’t missed me. I’m sure you were thinking of me when you were with him.”
The mug in Kevin’s hand shatters against the floor. Jacob frowns. “What’s wrong?”
“What,” Kevin hisses, suddenly breathing heavily, “the fuck is wrong with you?”
“Wrong with me?” Jacob asks innocently.
“I have just lost my husband, the love of my life, my everything, whom I adore, and you come in here trying to— to hit on me? Is that it? Am I understanding this correctly? Are you trying to make a move on me?”
Jacob knows better than to let this deter him. Kevin always plays hard to get. “Well, you’re single now, aren’t you?”
Kevin clenches his fists against the counter until his knuckles turn white. He looks mad. Actually, he looks pissed. Jacob wonders what would cause him to look this way.
“Get out,” Kevin hisses. Jacob blinks.
“What?”
“Get the fuck out of our house,” Kevin snarls, spinning on Jacob with rage in his eyes. “I don’t want to ever see you back here again. I don’t want to see you anywhere, ever again. I don’t ever want to talk to you again. Get the fuck out, before I make you.”
Jacob is confused, but he does as Kevin says. Surely he’ll change his mind. Surely he’ll come to his senses in a day or two. He’s just acting strange due to grief. Sooner or later, he’ll understand his mistake.
“By the way,” Jacob says as he pauses at the door. “I’m glad you never changed your hair. You look so beautiful like that.”
He closes the door behind him just before he hears something shatter against it on the other side.
Kevin stands, palms bleeding slightly from the cracked glass he hurled at the door, but he barely takes note. He can’t even process all the emotions coursing through him. Can’t deal with all the rage, the grief, the pain, the heartbreak, all at once.
But there’s one thing Jacob said that sticks with him, and it latches itself into a singular directive in his mind. One thing he decides to do that seems like the only thing to do.
He gathers his things, doesn’t bother to fix his appearance. He doesn’t care how the world sees him right now.
Kevin sets his course for the closest convenience store, and swears not to leave until he’s purchased every bottle of hair bleach they have to offer.