Chapter Text
Tuesday, September 21st
(11:21 A.M.): Padfoooootttt, how’s the honeymoony ;))))
(11:21 A.M.): Ahh who am I kidding, you’re probably still sleeping after the night you must’ve had ;)
(11:22 A.M.): I do wanna know how you are enjoying Europe!!! I’m really jealous… I’m locked up with a big bunch annoyed teenagers :(
(11:22 A.M.) I love them though
(01:41 P.M.): Wakey wakey boys your BEST friend needs his attention!!
(02:58 P.M.): I’m sorry for the terrible pun… pleaseeee just wake upppppp
(04:24 P.M.): I’m starting to think you aren’t asleep anymore
(04:24 P.M.): You get married and all of a sudden, I don’t exist anymore!
(04:26 P.M.): Who is padfoot? And why are you texting him while he’s on his honeymoon?
(04:27 P.M.): How dare you?! You know I’m the love of your life!!
(04:28 P.M.): Oh shit.
(04:28 P.M.): You gave me the wrong number!!!
(04:28 P.M.): I got tricked!!
(04:30 P.M.): I’m pretty sure I did very little in this…
(04:31 P.M.): Not you! Padfoot! He told me he got a new phone for photos of his honeymoon! But he just wanted me to stop texting him!
(04:31 P.M.): Me!! His dearest, most beloved, oldest, best friend!! We are basically brothers!
(04:33 P.M.): Sounds like a valid point.
(04:33 P.M.): This is the only conversation I’ve ever had with you and you’re already annoying me.
(04:33 P.M.): Ouch.
(04:33 P.M.): First, I get betrayed by my BEST friend. And then a mean stranger calls me annoying. WORST day ever.
(04:34 P.M.): You have a real flair for dramatics.
(04:34 P.M.): I am not dramatic!! My friends just left me!!
(04:35 P.M.): You should feel sorry for me!!!
-
Thursday, September 23
(05:57 A.M.): Do you, by any nice coincidence, know how to get blue hair dye out of black hair, in less than two hours?
(06:04 A.M.): Oh god.
(06:05 A.M.): It’s too early for this
(06:06 A.M.): That’s not an answer to my question!
(06:07 A.M.): I need to teach a bunch of teens about literature the whole upcoming day!! I can’t look like a Smurf!
(06:08 A.M.): I literally don’t even know who you are.
(06:08 A.M.): As said before, my friends are on their honeymoon and gave me your number.
(06:08 A.M.): Now save me, random stranger, I really don’t want to look like a Smurf!!!!
(06:09 A.M.): Your name in my phone is now Smurf.
(06:09 A.M.): You really are no help
(06:10 A.M.): Why did you even dye your hair in the first place!!
(06:10 A.M.): If you really are a teacher, you should know better than that.
(06:11 A.M.): My best friends left me. This is basically a break-up.
(06:11 A.M.): You are bit pathetic, I truly understand your friends
(06:12 A.M.) Why don't you just eat a lot of ice cream? As any sane person would after a breakup.
(06:12 A.M.): I was doing it as the kids these days do it.
(06:12 A.M.): That sounded like I’m a 100 years old. I’m just 23.
(06:14 A.M.): Do you usually go around telling strangers your age?
(06:14 A.M.): Only the cute ones ;)
(06:15 A.M.): I could be an 80 year old man who has never showered once in his life.
(06:15 A.M.): Are you though?
(06:15 A.M.): …
(06:17 A.M.): No.
(06:18 A.M.): Then help me get this out of my hair.
-
(10:14 A.M.): Did you get it out?
(10:31 A.M.): NO!!!!
(10:31 A.M.): Everyone keeps staring at me. I hate it.
(10:36 A.M.): You don’t seem like the type of guy to hate attention.
(10:36 A.M.): ….
(10:36 A.M.): I don’t. But I also don’t want people staring at me because my hair is blue.
(10:36 A.M.): Is it bad that I like seeing you embarrassed?
(10:37 A.M.): Yes.
(10:37 A.M.): Just when I thought we were becoming friends!
(10:38 A.M.): I don’t even know your name.
(10:38 A.M.): Its James.
(10:38 A.M.): Lovely, right? You don’t want to know my second name, it’s embarrassing.
(10:39 A.M.): Do you also normally go around telling strangers your name?
(10:39 A.M.): Only the cute ones.
(10:41 A.M.): You’re annoying.
(10:41 A.M.): No, I am James, I just told you that.
(10:41 A.M.): I hate you.
(10:42 A.M.): Yet you where the one who hit me up about my hair.
(10:42 A.M.): I still think that was useless bullying.
(10:42 A.M.): I left that when I left high school. But then again, you are a high school teacher so that explains it.
(10:42 A.M.): Don’t you have, like, a class to teach?
(10:43 A.M.): They are watching The Smurfs…
(10:43 A.M.): But I really should head back.
(10:43 A.M.): You are making a high school class watch Smurfs? While you JUST dyed your hair blue??
(10:43 A.M.): You did this to yourself, really.
(10:44 A.M.): I know. I know. But I was reminded of it, so I wanted to watch it.
(10:44 A.M.): Now, stop keeping me away from my class. I am doing sirius work.
(10:46 A.M.): That’s not how you write serious.
(10:47 A.M.): It’s an inside joke. But I can’t tell you for privacy reasons.
(10:47 A.M.): And you seem to be very keen on privacy.
(10:47 A.M.): I am.
(10:55 A.M.): I suppose you are back to your class.
(10:55 A.M.): But if you want to get the dye out, dissolve some vitamin D in hot water and put it in your hair for an hour.
-
(10:47 A.M.): Hey reggie
(10:48 A.M.): Wanna go for taco’s tonight?
(10:48 A.M.): We could get them from that crappy place you love
(10:52 A.M.): Yes please, i really need it. You are my hero.
(10:52 A.M.): Stop right there!!!
(10:52 A.M.): Is this real?? Regulus Alphard Black responding to texts within 5 hours?
(10:52 A.M.): Shut up Mary, you love me.
(10:53 A.M.): I do.
(10:53 A.M.): I am just overwhelmed.
(10:53 A.M.): This happens once in a blue moon.
(10:54 A.M.): Remind me again, why am I friends with you?
(10:54 A.M.): You love me.
(10:55 A.M.): Now tell me, why are you responding to texts, this is new. Aren’t you supposed to be working?
(10:55 A.M.): There is nobody here yet.
(10:57 A.M.): I don’t believe you, it's a library, it's summer and a Thursday.
(10:57 A.M.): You have been my best friend for 3 years, I know you better than anyone. There is more that you are not telling me.
(11:00 A.M.): I hate you.
(11:00 A.M.): Some guy has been texting me, he had the wrong number. Nothing much.
(11:01 A.M.): You are texting a stranger?
(11:01 A.M.): I can't get you to text back within 5 buisniss days, but a stranger does?
(11:02 A.M.): He seemed upset about his friends or something and I didn’t want to be rude.
(11:02 A.M.): It’s not that weird right?
(11:03 A.M.): Not a lot different from when you joined all those dating apps.
(11:03 A.M.): Don’t remind me please, that was hell.
(11:04 A.M.): Just, stay safe.
(11:04 A.M.): Yes, mom.
(11:05 A.M.): Fuck off.
(11:05 A.M.): No thanks.
-
(01:04 P.M.): YOU KNEW HOW TO GET IT OUT?!
(04:14 P.M.): I never said I didn’t.
(04:14 P.M.): It’s what you get for waking me up that early.
(04:29 P.M.): Sneaky, real sneaky sweetie
(04:34 P.M.): Ah yes, a stranger is calling me a sweetie
(04:34 P.M.): My ideal Thursday afternoon
(04:35 P.M.): technically I’m not a stranger anymore to you, you know my name
(04:35 P.M.): It’s only fair to tell me yours, Sugar.
(04:37 P.M.): That was your own choice
(04:37 P.M.): I feel like you’re warming up to me
(04:37 P.M.): If only you could see my beautiful face, no women ever failed to fall for that
(04:38 P.M.): Good thing I’m a man then
(04:38 P.M.): Oh, gender is no problem for me baby ;)))
(04:39 P.M.): Please stop calling me stupid names.
(04:39 P.M.): Not until you tell me your name, cutie pie
(04:39 P.M.): Don’t you have more friends than ‘the honeymoon boys’, you can irritate
(04:40 P.M.): I do
(04:40 P.M.): But my options are limited to
(04:41 P.M.): Ex (lesbian) wife, Ex-wife’s partner, Girl I asked out every week for years and then rejected after one date, and my awkward coworker.
(04:42 P.M.): That is an interesting, friend group you have
(04:42 P.M.): How did you even manage to marry a lesbian.
(04:42 P.M.): The wonders of my beautiful face, sweetheart
(04:43 P.M.): and about two million shots
(04:43 P.M.): It was a real drama
(04:44 P.M.): Worse or better than the hair?
(04:44 P.M.): Worse, so much worse. We did undo it though, apparently that’s a thing when you have regrets like a day after your married.
(04:45 P.M.): At least you knew what I had to do with my hair. How did you even know that?
(04:46 P.M.): You are just assuming I’ve natural colored hair, again, you don’t know anything about me
(04:46 P.M.): Then tell me, darling
(04:48 P.M.): Black hair, but I dyed the tips blue. Thought it’d be cool.
(04:48 P.M.): At least we can be Smurf idiots together, Pumpkin.
(04:52 P.M.): I could be one of your students, you know, a sixteen year old with braces.
(04:52 P.M.): are you though?
(04:52 P.M.): ….
(04:53 P.M.): No.