Darkness and Light

by starry_mist

Summary:

An extremely long (and as yet unfinished) post-episode to Grave Matters.

Notes:

So. This episode was A Lot.

This idea started to take shape as I watched the episode promo, and then the episode itself happened very much as I'd expected it to go.

I have a handful of scenes written and an idea of where I want to take this, but it's probably going to be a much longer work than I'm used to writing, and no guarantees as to how quickly it gets written. There will be much hurt/comfort, it's very Charah-focused (do I really write anything else?), and yeah I'll sprinkle a little bit of smut here and there.

As I've added to/extended certain scenes from the episode, I just want to be clear that I own nothing and make no profit from this work. I just really adore these two.

Chapter 1

Grabbing her coat and purse, Sarah shut off the lights in the Forensics lab. She glanced at her watch. 10:30. She really needed to stop doing this to herself.

 

Walking down the hall, she pulled out her phone, feeling a little bad that she hadn’t been able to knock off earlier to give Charlie a ride home. She was certain he would have had a nice walk with Rex, though. That scenic route that they’d taken together a few times really was beautiful.

 

He was probably asleep by now, but she sent him a text anyway, knowing he’d see it in the morning.

 

Hey you. Heading home now. I’m sure you’re asleep but I just wanted to say goodnight. I hope you had a good hike with Rex. 

 

She thought a moment, then added one more line.

 

XOXO

 

Smiling to herself, she headed toward the parking garage.

 

The change in her relationship with Charlie was new, though it had been a long time coming. She had honestly been tempted to drop some of the backlog she’d been working through that evening the evening, just for the opportunity to spend some time with him outside of work. However, when they’d decided to take this next step together, they’d agreed that work came first. What they did was too important to risk jeopardizing it over whatever else developed between them. 

 

And she was really happy with what was developing between them.

 

Climbing into her car, Sarah headed for home.

 

*****

 

Miles away, underground, Charlie woke up screaming.

Chapter 2

Notes:

I forgot to mention there's a spoiler for 3x08 - Sleeping Beauty as well, which you'll find in this chapter. I quite enjoy that I've now written bits from that episode in at least three different ways.

CW for the claustrophobia-inducing imagery of Charlie in the coffin (because I know I felt it too.)

Arriving at work next morning, Sarah poured herself a cup of coffee. She hadn’t noticed Charlie’s car in the parking garage. She knew that he was supposed to pick it up from the mechanic that day, and figured he was just running late. 

Unlocking the door to the lab, she sat and opened her email as she sipped from her mug.

Her phone rang.

“Hey, Joe,” she answered.

“Sarah, come upstairs right away, please.”

There was a strained tone in the Superintendent’s voice. “Yeah, I’ll be right there,” she replied.

She fired off a quick text to Charlie.

Hey, did Donovan just call you? Any idea what’s up?

Assuming that they had a new case, Sarah grabbed her tablet and took the stairs up to the bullpen. A larger-than-usual number of uniformed officers were milling about.

“Hey Jesse, what’s going on?” she asked him. “By the way, have you seen Charlie this morning?”

The tech specialist looked at her, worry evident in his eyes. “No. No, I haven’t.”

A sinking feeling came to Sarah’s stomach as Joe came out of his office, eyes serious. 

“Alright, people, bring it in,” the Superintendent said.

Sarah and Jesse moved to the front of the room. Jesse appeared to be looking at something on his tablet that had caused the colour to drain from his face.

“Detective Charlie Hudson and Rex have been kidnapped,” Joe continued, voice grave, as Jesse brought up the photo of Charlie on the display board. 

Sarah put down her tablet, eyes fixed on the board. The photo showed Charlie lying in a wooden coffin, unconscious, looking like he’d taken a blow to the head based on the contusion she saw there. She steadied herself on the back of a chair as she took in the image while Joe continued to speak. At hearing the words “serial killer” and “buried his victims alive,” her hand flew to cover her mouth. Stealing a glance at Jesse, she noticed that the younger man was also trying to hide the emotion that was clearly written all over his face. 

This couldn’t be a coincidence. Charlie was taken on the fifth anniversary of Frost’s capture...this was likely a copycat.

Forcing herself to stay present, she listened as Jesse elaborated on Charlie’s role in the Frost investigation. It sounded like the detective had played a much larger part in the case than he’d admitted when they’d talked about it the day before. It was just like him to minimize his contribution, though Sarah had also suspected that his quick change of subject was partially from wanting to avoid the memory of the painful case. 

“Okay, so what’s our next move?” Sarah asked, hoping her voice sounded less shaky than she felt. She needed a task, something she could do, some way to distract herself from the panic that was setting in as she thought about where Charlie was right now.  

Joe asked Jesse to look into the IP address from the email the kidnapper had sent, before directing Sarah to provide an estimate of roughly how much oxygen would be in the box with Charlie.

“Done,” she replied. 

Joe proceeded to give further instructions to the uniformed officers, who headed out on their assignments.

Sharing a quick look with Jesse, Sarah went to sit down, once again taking in the photo on the display board. Maybe it would be easier to avoid looking directly at Charlie, instead focusing at the dimensions of the box, estimating how long he’d been in there so far, figuring out how much oxygen would be available to him in the enclosed space.

Charlie…

She couldn’t help it. Her eyes flew to his image. It was heart-wrenching.

She needed to do whatever she could to help bring him back safely.

*****

Charlie had been in and out of consciousness through the night. He was aware that the effects of whatever drug he’d been hit with were still with him. He was cold. His muscles were stiff from his inability to move in the cramped space, and there was a lump on his forehead. He wasn’t sure where that had come from, though he could hazard a guess that his abductors had perhaps knocked him out before closing the coffin. Attempting to stay calm, he tried to think of being anywhere other than he was right at that moment, not quite alert enough to assess the situation and figure out his next move. If he even had any moves. 

He thought of Rex, hoping he’d managed to escape, knowing that somehow that the dog would have the right instinct to go back to the precinct and find help.

Sarah’s voice came to his mind as he began to fade again, lost in a memory.

“Wicked stepmothers aren’t real, and you don’t need a prince for a happy ending.”

“Hmm.” He gave Sarah an amused look as he took a swig of his beer.

She returned his look, raising an eyebrow. There was something else in her eyes. Perhaps a silent challenge? 

Standing, Sarah took her beer over to the couch and sat, putting her feet up on the coffee table. 

“Go ahead and make yourself right at home there,” Charlie said with a chuckle. Following her, he took a seat next to her, far closer than they usually sat, legs stretched out next to hers. He chanced an arm around her shoulders, and she leaned against him with a contented sigh.

Sipping the remainder of their beers in comfortable silence, they set the bottles on the table.

Turning slightly to look at the woman resting against his shoulder, Charlie took her in. She looked beautiful, relaxed, a smile on her face. 

"You want another?” he asked, voice coming out a little husky. 

“No,” she replied, tilting her head up to face him.

Something electric passed between them and suddenly his lips were on hers. She eagerly returned the kiss, arms coming around his shoulders as she drank him in. Hand coming up to stroke her cheek, he ran his fingers through her hair, pulling her closer as the kiss deepened. Lips parted, tongues met, mouths fused as they explored each other. Somehow she ended up in his lap, straddling him, neither able to get close enough to each other. His hands roamed down her back, untucking her blouse, finding the hem of her shirt as he reached underneath to smooth over the expanse of soft skin he uncovered. She loosened his tie, beginning to undo the buttons of his shirt, overcome with the need to touch him.

They inevitably had to come up for air. Breathing heavily, foreheads pressed together, hearts racing, they paused their movements. Sarah’s hands came to rest on Charlie’s shoulders, as his arms settled around her waist. 

“What are we doing?” she asked quietly, a small smile on her face.

"Well it’s been a long time, but if I recall correctly-”

She cut him off with a playful swat on his arm, laughing as she removed herself from his lap to sit next to him.

“You know what I mean. Charlie, as much as this feels...absolutely amazing,” she began.

“It’s too much, too fast,” he finished for her.

“Yeah,” she replied. “It’s also a work night. I should probably get going.”

“Hey,” he said. “Um...it’s already kind of late. Why don’t you just stay here?”

She raised an eyebrow at him.

"Not like that. I have a perfectly good guest room. I can give you a ride home in the morning.”

She considered a moment. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah. Mostly because I really don’t want to stop kissing you right now.”

He smiled as he brought his fingers to her chin, tilting her face up to capture her lips again.

The memory of that night, of the heat of kissing her for the first time before they ended up making out like teenagers, and of finishing the evening with a goodnight kiss full of promise, flooded him with a sense of warmth. And maybe hope. 

It was at that point that he realized there was a hole above him which seemed to be feeding some fresh air into the box.

Notes:

It's going to take me like 10 chapters just to get through the episode, isn't it? There was just. So. Much.

Chapter 3

Notes:

The kidnapper calls, Sarah starts to fall apart, and there's a memory of a happier time. Charlie makes a discovery.

Purposely facing away from the display board to keep herself focused on the task at hand, Sarah checked over her calculations again. Based on the dimensions of the coffins Frost had used for his final two victims, she had a rough estimate of how much oxygen Charlie would have. It wasn’t good news. But it gave them a rough idea of their timeline for finding him. 

Joe emerged from his office.

“What do you have?” he asked. 

She told him what she knew about the ventilation pipes Frost had built into his victims’ coffins to control their oxygen, which seemed to be this copycat’s MO as well. Her face fell a little as she explained that once the pipe was blocked, the victims would have had 10 to 20 hours. 

She didn’t say what they were both thinking: that they had no way of knowing exactly how long Charlie had been in there. The gravity of the situation was written all over both of their faces.

As Joe checked in on Jesse’s progress, or lack thereof, on the search for the IP address, his phone began to buzz. Setting up his equipment to trace the call, Jesse signaled to the Superintendent to answer.

“Hello,” said Joe, putting the call on speaker.

“Your detective is in quite deep, Superintendent Donovan.” The ominous voice was being masked by some kind of filter.

Sarah pressed her hand to her mouth as she listened, eyes wide.

“You’ve got our attention. What do you want?”

The kidnapper listed his ransom demands, along with the expected stipulations of no cops and no tracking devices at the money drop. Once the money was received, the voice said, Charlie would be released. 

Somehow Sarah didn’t think it would be that easy. A glance at Jesse revealed that the tech specialist felt the same.

“You have eight hours,” said the voice.

Joe tried to stall so that Jesse could complete the trace. 

“We’re not able to raise money that fast.”

“That’s your problem, not mine.”

Joe tried to keep the caller on the line to ask where the money drop would take place, but it was of no use. The call disconnected. Jesse hadn’t been able to trace it. 

“Well,” said Jesse, half-heartedly trying to break the tension. “Anyone got 500K kicking around?”

Sarah knew exactly what Joe was going to say before he even opened his mouth. The department wouldn’t negotiate with a kidnapper. 

“But we’re talking about Charlie and Rex,” she protested.

Joe conceded that he would at least talk to the chief, leaving Jesse to work on unmasking the filtered voice from the call.

Tears stinging her eyes, Sarah turned back to the digital display. Seeing the 3D rendering of the coffin, she couldn’t help thinking of Charlie lying there alone. How much of the night had he already been trapped, and how did that factor into their timeline?

She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, her thoughts turning to another night, not that long ago.

Lying in Charlie’s guest bed once again, Sarah groaned as she felt a hand gently shaking her shoulder.

“Come on,” came Charlie’s voice in the dark.

“No,” she groaned, pulling the covers tighter around herself. “‘Warm. Sleepy.”

“But it’s gonna be so cool.” He sounded like a little boy on Christmas morning.

“And you call me a nerd,” she mumbled into the pillow next to her.

“I made coffee. It’s that kind you like, the one that tastes like chocolate.” He knew he had her there.

She sighed. “It’s not fair that you know my weakness.” Reluctantly getting up, she pulled on the sweatshirt she’d left next to the bed in preparation for their early morning adventure. “We can’t just stay here and watch it through that telescope you bought?”

“No, you can see this without a telescope, and it’s better without the lights of the city.”

“You’re lucky you’re cute in the morning.” She gave him a quick peck on the cheek before heading to the washroom to get dressed.

The trail was a short drive from his house. Grabbing their gear, they headed for the clearing and began to set up.

“It’s freezing,” Sarah said, hood up, trying to pull her coat more closely around herself as she dug out a thermos of hot coffee.

“Hence the sleeping bags,” replied Charlie as he spread them out on the sleeping pads he’d packed to keep them off the cold ground. “And look!” He zipped the bags together. “See? Warm and cozy.”

Sarah raised an eyebrow, but smiled despite herself. This was perhaps the most outdoorsy side of him she’d ever seen. It surprised her a little. She’d known that he had a passing interest in astronomy, but she would never have imagined she’d be out here with him in the pre-dawn hours, setting up to watch a meteor shower. 

They set up the sleeping bags so that they could sit next to each other while drawing them up around their shoulders for warmth. Charlie’s arm came around her waist, as she snuggled into his side.

“So when does this thing start?” Sarah asked.

“You’re so impatient,” Charlie murmured against her hair.

Turning her face, she caught the look of wonder on his face as he watched the sky. “No. I just know you’re excited about this.” She kissed his lips. “Thanks for sharing it with me.”

“There’s no one I’d rather be here with,” he replied, returning the kiss. Looking out over the water, he pointed up. “There. You see that?”

Sarah looked where he was pointing. A few shooting stars streaked across the sky.

“Wow.” She had to admit, it was a beautiful sight.

“Nothing like this back home, huh?” 

She knew Charlie was referring to Toronto. How did he not realize yet?

“I am home,” she replied softly, smiling up at him. 

He kissed her again, slowly, sweetly, before pulling her into his lap. She leaned back against him as his arms came around her waist. Together, they watched the lights dance in the sky.

*****

Underground, Charlie was also thinking of that night that they’d spent out by the rocks. They’d stayed until dawn, lying under the stars, then drinking coffee as they watched the sun rise over the ocean.

Turning toward Sarah, seeing the look of awe on her face, he was captivated.

She caught him looking.

“What?” she asked.

He just smiled as he reached for her, face tilted towards hers, leaning in to capture her lips once more. 

It was that morning that he’d realized how much he loved her. He wasn’t quite ready to voice it yet, but he knew it was true. He’d fallen for her completely.

If he ever got to see her again, he needed to tell her. 

When. When he got to see her again.

The thought spurred him to see if there was anything he could do at that moment to help his situation. 

Okay. He knew there was an air hole, and that some fresh air was coming through. He tried reaching into the hole, but his hand didn’t quite fit. Finding his penlight, thankful his captors hadn’t taken it, he shone it upwards. The hole led into a pipe that appeared to be sealed on the end. Assessing his surroundings, he came up with an idea. Prying a thin plank of wood free, he pushed it upwards into the pipe, feeling for the end of the tube. He felt it give way slightly. Pushing harder, guiding the piece of wood all the way to the end, he shielded his face as dirt fell onto him. But it had worked. The cap over the end of the tube had come off, and he could see a sliver of light at the top of it. He had more air. And he could see blue sky.

It was daylight. The team would be looking for him.

Notes:

I've actually never seen a meteor shower. It's on my to-do list.

The location is significant, or will be eventually.

Chapter 4

Notes:

Sarah's starting to break. Charlie's starting to panic. References to adult situations because if I had written the whole scene this chapter would be like 10 pages long.

They were nowhere. They were absolutely nowhere.

Other than the sound Sarah had heard at the end of the phone call recording, the sound they couldn’t place, they had no leads. And Jesse was having no success with unmasking the voice. 

Feeling lost, Sarah had started to look into the old files from the Frost case for any hints they could possibly use. She needed something, some task to work on to keep her going. It was the only way she could distract her mind from Charlie’s current whereabouts, and the feeling of guilt that had seeped in. She felt responsible. He’d be safe if she could only have torn herself away from work the night before. She could have taken half an hour to drive him home. Would it really have made a difference to her backlog? If her actions had led to...no, she couldn’t let herself go down that path.

She just needed him to be safe.

She’d begun to dig into any contacts Frost had had during his time in prison. There wasn’t much to go on.

Joe emerged once again from his office. “I just spoke to the chief. SJPD policy is that we do not negotiate.”

Fidgeting with the pen she held, Sarah barely hid her frustration. “We can’t just ignore the instructions?”

Joe gave her a look as he stated firmly that that wasn’t an option. They needed to play along with the demands and to keep stalling for time.

“We can’t do anything that encourages future kidnappers.”

Sarah couldn’t help but roll her eyes.

Seeing how distraught his friend was, Jesse spoke up. “But what if money is the only way to get Charlie back?”

Joe referenced what had happened the last time Frost got his money. 

Sarah had read enough of the case file to know what they were trying not to say. Frost had killed his last victim as soon as he’d received the ransom money. 

“But Frost is dead!” Her voice grew urgent. “We’re hoping that this is just some money-grabbing copycat with no intention to kill, right?” She needed that hope to hold onto. She couldn’t contemplate the alternative.

At that moment, the next call came in.

The voice gave them the location for the money drop, and a time. 6 pm. 

Sarah continued to fidget with her pen, trying to stay grounded. Time was ticking.

“I want proof my detective is alive,” Joe demanded.

An email came in. Jesse opened the attachment. 

Sarah felt like she’d been punched in the gut. It was a video of Charlie. He was lying in the coffin, awake. She couldn’t even imagine the hell he was going through right now. If he was even still alive. This could have been taken any time. She tried not to go there, but her mind flew to the worst-case scenario as her hand pressed against her mouth again, blinking back the tears that threatened to fall. 

“How do I know this is now?” asked Joe.

“What do you want him to do?” replied the voice.

Sarah and Jesse both looked at Joe.

“We could have him do some kind of simple signal. What can he do in that tight space?” asked Jesse.

*****

Cold, exhausted, Charlie was surprised to hear the voice come from the tube above. The voice instructed him to tug his left ear. What?

He did it. There must be a camera on him...wait. The kidnapper had to be communicating with the Major Crimes team. They would have asked for proof of life. Where was the camera?

His thoughts were scattered. The combination of hunger, fatigue, and cold was making it hard to focus. And he’d just lost the light of the sky as the kidnapper put the cap back on the end of the air pipe. Dammit.

Panic started to set in again. He tried to steady his breathing. Where was Rex? What leads did the team have? He felt lost, unable to help. It was no use. The panic overtook him. 

Her face flashed in his mind.

Sarah…

*****

Watching Charlie tug on his ear, Sarah allowed herself a small sigh of relief. At least she knew he was still alive. For the moment. That was something. A little glimmer of hope. 

“I’ve met my end of the bargain,” said the voice on the phone. “Time to meet yours.”

“We need more time.” Joe was still stalling so that Jesse could get the trace.

The call disconnected, and the video feed went dark.

That little glimmer of hope extinguished with the loss of the connection to Charlie. Sarah threw her pen down on the table, feeling completely helpless.

“Okay, what do we do now?” she asked irritably.

Joe surmised that if the kidnapper had a camera, there was a feed that Jesse might be able to hack into. As the tech went off to work on this, Joe and Sarah remained where they were for a moment longer, eyes glued to the screen as if Charlie would magically reappear. Joe left, heading back to his office.

Without a specific task at that moment to distract her, all she could think about was Charlie. When was the last time he’d eaten? How much of the drug was still in his system? His muscles would be getting stiff from the lack of movement. She shivered, thinking of the cold.

*****

The wind was cold, the rain that had blown in beginning to freeze as the late fall storm raged. 

They were all dressed up with no place to go. Their dinner reservation had been cancelled as the restaurant was closing early, along with most of the city. 

Luckily, Charlie had a couple of steaks on hand, a bottle of red wine. His fireplace gave the illusion of warmth as they sat and ate. In an attempt to recreate the nice dinner they’d planned, he’d even tracked down some candles. Sarah smiled at the romantic gesture. She had to hand it to him, he could bring the woo.

Despite their inability to actually go anywhere, it was nice to at least be safe and warm together. Even if they were a little overdressed. 

Rex had of course been fed a few tasty morsels and was now contently snoring in his bed.

“This isn’t so bad,” Charlie mused.

“No, I’d say you did a wonderful job on short notice.” Sarah beamed at him.

He returned the smile. “You look really nice tonight.”

“As opposed to my normal state of overworked, caffeine-fueled hot mess?” she joked.

“You know what I mean,” he said softly, reaching out to take her hand in his.

She blushed. “Thank you. You don’t look half-bad yourself.”

“Yeah I suppose we do clean up rather nice. I’m sorry we couldn’t make it out.”

“Do you somehow control the weather now?” she asked, raising an eyebrow, amused..

“Okay, I guess not,” he conceded with a laugh. Seeing that they’d both finished, he moved to clear their plates.

“The flowers are lovely,” she said, admiring the small bouquet of roses he’d bought her, which had been placed in a vase once they’d realized they weren’t going anywhere any time soon.

Charlie just smiled as he finished loading their plates into the dishwasher.

 Grabbing the remote for his stereo, he pressed a button and soft music filled the room. He returned to the table and extended a hand to her.

Sarah was impressed. He really had pulled off the perfect evening in. “You trying to seduce me, Hudson?” she asked, eyes sparkling.

He paused. “What if I am?”

“I’d say it’s working.” She gave him a flirtatious smile as she took his hand and allowed him to lead her to the living room.

Keeping her hand in his, he brought his other arm around her waist as she settled her other hand on his shoulder.

“This is really nice,” she practically whispered, holding his gaze.

He brushed his lips over her cheek, barely grazing the corner of her mouth.

“It really is.”

They swayed slowly to the music. His arm around her waist tightened as her chin came to rest on his shoulder.

The song changed. Sarah removed her other hand from Charlie’s, encircling his shoulders as he wrapped both his arms around her waist.

She smiled up at him, lost in the blue of his eyes. Slowly, his head dipped towards hers, his lips meeting hers. 

A moan escaped her throat as the kiss deepened. She tasted the wine on his tongue as their mouths crashed together. A spark ignited between them, kisses growing more hungry. 

Trailing his hand down her arm to take her hand in his again, Charlie inclined his head toward the stairs. Sarah nodded, allowing him to lead her to his bedroom. 

They made love for the first time that night, heated, passionate, pouring years of unspoken need into every touch. 

In the early morning light, with a fresh blanket of snow shining outside, they took their time with each other, exploring, memorizing.

Lying next to Charlie, his arm around her tucking her into his side, Sarah propped herself up to look at him. She’d never seen him look more peaceful, more relaxed. 

“You look so happy,” she mused.

“I am. I’m so happy with you, Sarah.” His words were genuine, eyes shining.

Her breath caught in her throat at the raw honesty of his words. Smiling, she leaned in to kiss him.

“I’m happy with you, too.”

She wasn’t ready to say it yet, but she knew. She loved him. She’d fallen for him completely.

*****

Her face still in his mind, Charlie’s panic began to subside. She’d looked so radiant in the soft light of that morning.

He had to keep going. He had to focus.

A camera. Where would it be hidden? If the team had that connection, if they could see him, maybe there was some way he could help them after all.

Notes:

We're slowly getting there. I really hope this week's episode doesn't have any major fic inspiration to distract me because I am pretty committed to this piece.

Chapter 5

Notes:

I cranked this one out faster than expected. It's all scenes from the episode itself, with a tiny add-on.

Charlie figures things out. Sarah falls apart. Jesse comforts her. And our favourite doggo returns.

Charlie could hear music. More specifically, he could hear Christmas music. That seemed out of place. Christmas was still over a month away.

But he could also smell pine. And there were pine needles in the debris that had made it into the coffin with him. 

Okay, so...he was somewhere with pine trees and Christmas music. Wait a minute. A Christmas tree farm? That made an odd sort of sense. Not that anything about this situation made sense, but whoever his captor was had apparently buried him at a Christmas tree farm. Which wouldn’t be busy yet at this time of year, so...perhaps it was an ideal place to hide him, where no one would think to look. 

The camera. Right. He needed to find the camera. If they were looking at him tugging his ear, it would make sense that it would be pointed at his face.

He looked down the length of the box. Something shiny caught his attention, wedged in between a plank and the side of the coffin. Shining his penlight on it, he found the camera lens.

As long as they could see him, he could try to give them information. Could they hear him? Probably not, his captor had instructed him to give them a visual signal. So they’d be able to see him. 

“Christmas tree farm. Christmas tree farm.” He repeated the phrase like a mantra. He hoped his theory was right, that they would be able to see it and figure out what he was saying.

*****

Jesse’s frustration was beginning to show. He couldn’t find the camera feed. This was the one thing he should be able to figure out to help Charlie, and he couldn’t do it. His nerves were frayed. Why couldn’t he do this?

“I might have something,” Sarah said. She’d finally been able to focus enough to keep digging into the old case files, and had found a reference to a possible accomplice. It was a brief mention in a statement made by the mother of Frost’s last victim. There appeared to have been no further communication from the woman. That made sense. She’d just lost her son, she would have wanted to grieve that loss out of the public eye.

Joe knew exactly who she was talking about, and agreed to bring her in to see what she knew.

“Bingo!” Jesse exclaimed suddenly. “I found a backdoor to the camera feed!”

Thank God , thought Sarah, rushing over to the display board.

Charlie. As hard as it was to watch him, she was so grateful to see him alive.

“He’s losing it,” Jesse said, concerned.

“No, I think he’s trying to say something,” replied Joe. 

It was true, Charlie did look like he was mouthing words. If only they had audio, or even a sharper image. 

Joe guessed that Charlie was saying a name, and asked the gathered officers if it sounded familiar. 

Sarah hadn’t heard much beyond Joe’s question about the name. She couldn’t take her eyes off the sight of the man she loved. It was her only connection to him. She needed that lifeline right now. 

Joe instructed Jesse to look into the name idea, as well as to get the feed out to the rest of the precinct to keep an eye on any more information Charlie might give them. With one more look at Sarah, who seemed to be lost in the image of Charlie on the screen, Joe headed off to contact the last victim’s mother. 

Charlie had stopped mouthing the words, and lay still, staring blankly at the top of the coffin. This was too much. She couldn’t just sit on her hands knowing he was there. And she was partially to blame . As much as she tried to deny it, she knew if she’d been with him and Rex that night they’d be safe now. Would they, though? She could just as easily be  down there herself.  

She would be of no use to the team if she didn’t do something. Her mind was going in circles. She needed to take action.  

Making a decision, she hoped no one noticed her slip out of the bullpen as she headed for the lab.

 

Seeing Sarah leave out of the corner of his eye, Jesse grew more concerned. He’d seen the way she’d been slowly falling apart throughout the day. She was beating herself up. 

He knew there was something more going on with his two friends. He’d honestly seen it developing long before they probably had. But something had definitely changed with them more recently. He’d really begun to suspect it the first time that Charlie had shown up for work late and more than a little disheveled, which was completely unlike him. 

He’d kept it quiet, of course. They’d share when they were ready. But right now, he knew Sarah’s feelings for the detective were likely clouding her judgment...oh no. What was she about to do?

Pausing his search, he headed downstairs in the direction he’d seen her leave. He found her in the hallway outside the lab, cell phone pressed to her ear as she spoke in hushed tones. He caught snippets of what she was saying. She was trying to put together the ransom money. He had to speak up.

“What are you doing?”

Startled, Sarah whirled at the sound of Jesse’s voice. “Did you follow me?” she asked accusingly.

“Does Donovan know you’re trying to get the money?” This wasn’t like her at all.

“It’s just in case we need it,” Sarah protested.

“Sarah, we are supposed to be a unified front!” he exclaimed in a hushed tone. He reminded her that when Frost had gotten the ransom money, he’d killed his victims.

“Jesse, this isn’t Frost!” Sarah was near tears. 

Steadying his voice, trying not to show how much this was affecting him as well, Jesse spoke a little more softly.

“Look, I know what you’re trying to do, okay? You’re blaming yourself, and you shouldn’t.”

Sarah couldn’t meet his eyes, instead glancing at her watch. It was no use. The emotions she’d been unsuccessfully trying to hide all day came to the surface.

“What are we going to do, Jesse?” It came out as a whisper. The waver in her voice was unmistakable as the tears she’d tried to suppress finally broke free.

Jesse’s heart broke, both for the woman in front of him and for Charlie.

“I don’t know,” he said honestly. “I don’t know.” All he could offer was his outstretched arms, which she rushed into. He held her as she trembled, tears falling freely down her face.

“We need some kind of a miracle,” she said, voice cracking.

They did. Jesse felt just as helpless as the woman in his arms. 

 

And then…

 

As if he’d heard Sarah’s words, Rex trotted nonchalantly around the corner and made a noise, looking up at the familiar humans.

“I think we just got one,” said Jesse, unable to believe his eyes.

Sarah turned in his arms to see Rex standing there with a syringe in his mouth. She let out a breath she hadn't realised she was holding. How was this possible? She fought the urge to run to the dog and throw her arms around him, knowing he might have valuable evidence on him. 

Letting go of Jesse, Sarah texted Joe to come down right away. She grabbed an evidence bag for the syringe, then approached the dog to examine him.

“Hey, Sarah?” said Jesse tentatively.

“Yeah.” She was already a little preoccupied giving Rex a visual once-over.

“We’re going to get him back. I, um...I know you guys...there’s something going on there, right?”

She turned to the young man with a watery smile.

“Yeah. Yeah there is. I guess we haven’t been hiding it all that well.”

“No, it’s...I mean, I suspected, but it’s been obvious for so long now that you two...that it’s more than a friendship. Just, look...This is hard for all of us, but I know it’s harder for you and I just...I’m here, okay? I’m here for you.”

Standing, walking back to him, she wrapped her arms around him again.

“Thank you,” she said quietly. “You have no idea how much that means to me right now, Jesse.” Releasing the embrace, she went back to checking over Rex.

She didn't think she'd ever been happier to see him.

Notes:

There's no way Jesse doesn't know. (Joe as well, but we'll get to that later.)

Chapter 6

Notes:

Rex takes Sarah and Joe to the crime scene. The team finally gets some leads. And the implications get a little dark. (Oh yeah, and Joe knows about Sarah and Charlie because of course he does.)

CW: Contains both vague and specific references to stalking.

At any other time, Rex grabbing Sarah by the lab coat to literally tug her out the door would have been amusing.

At any other time.

Right now, as she and Joe followed where the dog led, the seriousness of the situation left little room for humour. 

This could be the break they needed. Rex would have remembered the site where he and Charlie had been taken. At least, they hoped he would. Emotionally drained, Sarah was running on empty, willing to follow any possible lead at this point that could help get Charlie back.

She knew this trail. More specifically, she knew the other end of this trail, the clearing, the rocks overlooking the ocean. She hoped it was just coincidence that Rex was leading them this way. She suspected it wasn’t, and the implication scared her.

Behind her, Joe cleared his throat, a momentary distraction from the dread that was starting to sink in.

“So, I have to ask. You and Charlie…”

Sarah sighed. Of course he knew. Was there anyone who didn’t know? They’d been kidding themselves when they thought they’d be able to somehow hide their relationship in a building full of trained investigators.

Yeah,” she replied. “Um, a little over a month now, I think.”

“I see.”

“It’s...It’s new, and we didn’t want to...we’re still figuring it all out.” 

“Well it took you two damn long enough.” Joe laughed, momentarily breaking the tension.

That was unexpected. Sarah smiled for possibly the first time that day.

“Look, we know department policy says that it’s-”

“Frowned upon. Yes. But not forbidden. Look, Sarah,” Joe said, stopping for a moment. “You and Charlie work extremely well together, but anyone can see how close you two are beyond that. And as long as the first part continues, the second part...just keep it out of the office, okay? If it’s ever a conflict of interest on a case, we can bring in another detective, or have Kelly take the lead.”

Sarah nodded, but let out a sigh. 

“I think we’ve long passed the point of conflict of interest in this case.”

“I know,” he replied. “But we’re all compromised on this one. And I need the rest of us united in order to get our missing team member back.”

Sarah cringed a little at the word ‘united,’ replaying her earlier conversation with Jesse.

“Just try keep a clear head,” Joe continued. “As much as you or I or any of us can anyway. And if you can't, remember you've got me, and you've got Jesse, and we'll get through this together.”

Up ahead, Rex had stopped. Sarah’s worst suspicions were confirmed.

She’d walked this route more than once with Charlie and Rex. They’d jogged along the trail together. They’d sat nearby in the chilly pre-dawn hours, warm in each other's arms as they watched the sun come up.

The kidnapper had likely been watching Charlie, had been watching them , for some time. 

She felt violated. On behalf of all of them. That was a long-buried feeling, a memory of another time that she wouldn’t bring herself to acknowledge right now.

Tamping it down, she got to work surveying the area, hoping Joe hadn’t noticed her falter.

Rex led them to the road where the kidnapper would have been waiting in their vehicle. Tire tracks. Finally something that might help them.

*****

They finally had some solid leads.

The tire tracks had been more helpful than anticipated. They now had a potential vehicle. 

They knew what drug had been used on Charlie and Rex. Sarah was shaking with anger after the discovery that Rex had been attacked as well. The kidnapper had to know exactly what they were doing. Too much of the drug would have been fatal to Charlie. Who was this monster?

At any rate, the drug, being relatively rare, was another lead.

Joe had tracked down Lisa, mother of Frost’s final victim, who gave him a name that might be a Frost accomplice.

Putting all the pieces together, Jesse managed to find the owner of the truck, and to connect him to Frost. Their kidnapper had a name. Pat Gillespie.

And they knew where he lived. Joe and several officers drove straight to the his house.

The house where a note had been taped to the door, addressed specifically to Joe. A note with a picture of Charlie, and a message: RIP Detective Hudson. Gillespie had to have known they'd come after him.

How long had this person been stalking their team?

Notes:

The idea of the crime scene being significant in a few different ways kind of came to me during the episode, and obviously factored into the scene I wrote with the meteor shower. I think it's really important how they referenced it in the last scene of the show, where we see Charlie there once again trying to basically close the loop by taking in the beauty of the location rather than the fear response it would evoke. I'll be running with it in later chapters because that little moment gave me a few other ideas.

Chapter 7

Notes:

The smoke in the coffin, Sarah's breakdown, Joe's discovery of her attempts to get the money, and Jesse's breakthrough. Plus another memory of some happier moments.

They had an APB out on Pat Gillespie, with a description of the suspect and his vehicle. They knew he had been a friend of Frost. And they knew that he knew way too much about them.

The realization that the kidnapper would have been watching the team was hitting them all hard. Unfortunately, that had to go on the backburner for now. This wasn’t the time to process the implication. They needed to focus on finding Charlie.

Joe’s phone rang. It was the first call from the kidnapper in six hours. 

Six more hours that Charlie had spent buried alive. 

Joe assured Gillespie that they were working on the money, that they would need more time.

And suddenly Sarah couldn’t help herself. She spoke up, giving the kidnapper details about the money she was trying to arrange, explaining the specifics so that perhaps he would understand why it was taking some time.

“Good,” said the voice. “But the delay comes at a cost. Expect other presents soon.”

Oh no. Her heart was in her throat. What had she done? 

The team watched the screen in horror as smoke filled the coffin. Seeing his partner in distress, Rex let out a bark.

Looking away, Sarah covered her face with her hands. The room had started spinning. She looked back at the screen once more, steadying herself on the desk, heart breaking all over again. It was too much. She needed to get out of here. 

“I can’t watch this,” she said shakily, walking as fast as she could out the bullpen door.

She made it down the stairs at almost a run, heading for the washroom near the lab. Locking the door, she leaned against the wall, doubled over as she began to shake uncontrollably. Slowly sliding down the wall, she drew her knees to her chest and buried her head in her hands as she tried to stem the tidal wave of emotion. 

She’d made it worse. By trying to help, she’d made it worse. Sobs wracked her body at the thought of Charlie, who had now lost more air and therefore precious time. She finally acknowledged the possibility that he wouldn't make it out alive. And it was her fault. 

She squeezed her eyes shut, but all she could see was the image of the smoke pouring into the coffin. There had to be something she could do. Go back to the lab. Detach herself from her feelings, recalculate their timeline. She could do that.

Rising shakily to splash some water on her face, she took in her reflection in the mirror.

She wasn’t fooling anyone. She was falling apart.

Taking a few ragged, deep breaths, she wrapped her arms around herself as if the action could somehow physically hold her together.

She grabbed a few tissues and dabbed at her eyes. Sniffing, taking one last look at her face, she headed back to the lab to start over with her calculations.

How much time did he have left?

"Five more minutes,” Sarah said, reaching to silence her alarm. She rolled over, snuggling further against the warm weight at her side.

“How many ‘five more minutes’ is it going to be this morning?” asked Charlie with a knowing grin.

“Depends how long you’re going to be my comfortable human furnace.” She’d been at the lab until nearly 10 the night before, and then she’d come here and had been otherwise distracted. So she’d happily take those few extra minutes. Not that she was sleeping, so much as enjoying the feeling of being with him. 

He laughed, arms coming fully around her as he placed a kiss on the top of her head. 

*****

Unconscious, Charlie dreamt. 

They’d snoozed the alarm several more times, wrapped up in each other. Finally Charlie conceded it was time to get up.

“You get five more minutes, then I’m going to make coffee,” he whispered against Sarah’s ear.

“You know the way to my heart,” came her reply, half-muffled by her face buried against his neck.

I sure hope so, he thought.

*****

Showered, dressed, with coffee prepared, they took their time sipping it with breakfast, throwing occasional glances at each other. Rex gleefully scarfed down his breakfast at his bowl, happy to have his two humans nearby. 

Cleaning up, they kept finding excuses to get into each other’s personal space, shoulders playfully jostling against each other, until Sarah turned, wrapping her arms around Charlie’s shoulders. His arms came around her waist as he kissed her thoroughly, tasting coffee and sweetness as he turned them to press her back against the counter. 

Sarah let out a soft moan. “You’re so distracting.”

“You love it,” replied Charlie. 

“Mmm,” came her reply as she kissed him harder.

Somehow they made it to work on time. Just.

*****

Knowing his Forensics head would need a few minutes to collect herself, Joe waited before he went after her. 

He found her at her desk, frantically checking calculations by hand as she blinked back tears.

“The smoke will deplete his oxygen,” she said, anger masking the hurt in her voice. “His timeline just got cut in half.”

Seeing her reaction, he almost didn’t want to ask his next question, but he needed to know about the money.

Sarah confirmed his suspicions, that she’d made inquiries to try and get the ransom money. She’d gone against his direct order. And yet, he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t considered it too. He told her as much as they discussed anything they could possibly pull together. It was a huge risk. She could lose her house. He could lose Camilla’s college fund. And none of that mattered if it got Charlie back alive.

Their conversation was cut short as Jesse appeared at the door.

“Guys, you need to see this,” said the tech excitedly. 

Sarah practically ran after him, Joe following on her heels.

Notes:

Can I tell you how much I love that they're all up in each other's personal space on the show now? It's subtle, but it's totally developing.

Meanwhile I said I wasn't going to write another post-ep fic while I have this one on the go, but I seem to have grown fixated on Charlie's denim shirt from last night, so um...it might happen.

Chapter 8

Notes:

I kind of raced through this one because I wanted to get through everything prior to the rescue. The rescue and the aftermath are what I really want to dig into.

Jesse explained that he had been reviewing the video feed of Charlie in the coffin and the signal he was making. The signal was coming at 15 minute intervals. Loading up the sound from the kidnapper’s first phone call, he played it back for Sarah and Joe. It synced up perfectly.

It was a sprinkler.

Sarah felt that tiny glimmer of hope return. At this time of year, when they’d already had snowfall, there wouldn’t be many sprinkler systems still active. This could help them.

Joe apparently had the same thought, as he was already giving Jesse instructions to call the city to check on sprinkler systems, as well as to contact a horticulturalist, when his phone rang.

Gillespie’s truck had been located.

Heading out the door, Sarah ran down to the lab to instruct her techs to join them at the scene, as Joe pulled out his phone to coordinate a rescue team. They met up again in the hallway and headed to Joe’s SUV, Rex in tow.

Sarah couldn’t stop fidgeting on the ride to the site. Rex sensed her discomfort, laying a paw on her lap from the seat behind her. She gently ruffled the big dog’s fur, thankful for his presence.

“We’re going to find him,” Joe said, trying to sound reassuring. He hoped he was right.

As they arrived on scene, Sarah hopped out and got her team working on the scene around the red pickup truck. She found Gillespie’s hat in the truck, showing it to Joe as he returned from giving instructions to the assembled emergency services personnel.

Instructing Rex to track the scent, Sarah and Joe took off at a run behind him. Officers with shovels followed, as did the paramedics.

The grave looked shallow, recently dug. The rescue team set to work on uncovering the coffin. Finally, they were able to get the lid open.

Sarah froze, eyes widening, a hand on Joe’s arm as she realized it wasn’t Charlie.

“That’s Pat Gillespie!” she exclaimed. Which meant that Charlie was somewhere else...and they were running out of time.

The man in the coffin was unconscious and unresponsive as the paramedics worked to get him out. Sarah’s pulse raced as she thought of what condition Charlie might be in by the time they got to him.

If they got to him.

Suddenly, Rex took off at a run.

“Dammit,” said Joe as he watched the dog disappear from view. “Stay here, I’ll see if I can find out where he’s going.” Joe headed back to where he’d parked.

Returning to her team, Sarah set to work examining the area for any shred of evidence that could possibly help them at this point.

*****

Returning to the scene, Joe had seen no sign of Rex or where the dog might have gone off to. He had patrol cars searching the area.

Sarah reported that Gillespie had been transported to the hospital where he was still unconscious, with possible brain damage. She didn’t want to think of what that could mean for Charlie.

Joe had another update, which was a little surprising. Jesse had determined that the masked voice belonged to a woman.

It made some sense, but Sarah had found two footprints, one that likely belonged to a man and a smaller one that could belong to their mystery woman. So they were looking for two people. Two people who had just led them on a wild goose chase.

Joe suggested that Rex, if they found him, might be able to pick up a scent trail from the footprint.

“If Rex doesn’t find Charlie first,” said Sarah, hoping the dog somehow knew where he was going.

*****

Charlie shielded his face from falling debris as the coffin lid swung open. Eyes adjusting to the light, he saw his abductors clearly for the first time.

Lisa and Richard Bunting. He was shocked, to say the least. While he had deduced that his abduction was related to the Frost case, these were the parents of the last victim...what the hell did they want with him?

“Nice to see you again, Detective Hudson,” said Lisa, putting down the device she’d been using to mask her voice.

“Are you releasing me?” asked Charlie warily. What was going on?

“I’m giving you hope,” the woman replied. “And then I’m going to take it away, so you can feel what my son felt in that coffin after you botched his investigation.”

No. No, he couldn’t spend another minute in that box.

“Listen to me,” he pleaded, trying to sit up.

Richard moved toward him, aiming the shotgun directly at him.

Lisa replied that Charlie hadn’t listened to them about the ransom, or Frost’s accomplice. “And now you’re both going to pay.”

Accomplice? Both? Oh no. Who else had they taken? Charlie’s panic began to set back in.

Lisa and Richard were convinced that Pat Gillespie had been Frost’s accomplice, and could have led them to their son quicker. Had Charlie not ignored the lead, they said, their son would still be alive. And they were convinced that the judges, lawyers, and SJPD were working together to cover up their mistakes.

No. They had it all wrong.

“We thought you were different,” said Lisa. “But you wouldn’t talk to us even after the trial was over. All to protect your precious reputation.”

“I wasn’t protecting my reputation,” Charlie said frantically, voice cracking a bit. “I was protecting you!” He explained that Frost had killed as soon as the ransom money was delivered. Gillespie wasn’t an accomplice, he was an informant who had heard Frost confess to details about the kidnapping, but the defence hadn’t allowed him as a witness.

He didn’t say how haunted he still was by the death of the teenage boy. He’d buried those feelings deep. Now, suddenly, it all came back to the surface.

“So why didn’t you tell us this after the trial was over?” Lisa asked skeptically.

“I didn’t want you to know that paying the ransom triggered Noel’s death.” Charlie had carried that knowledge with him for the past five years. He’d never talked about the case again, trying his best to avoid all reminders of the horror he’d seen.

The Buntings didn’t believe him.

“You’re lying!” exclaimed Lisa.

Richard instructed her to fill the coffin with smoke and close the air hole to make Charlie’s death quick.

Charlie’s eyes grew wide as Richard came at him with the butt of the rifle. He thought of Rex. He saw Sarah’s face. And then his world went black.

*****

Rex arrived just in time to hear the sound of the coffin lid slamming shut.

Notes:

This is going to be a thousand or so chapters long at this rate. Thanks for bearing with me.

Chapter 9

Notes:

Rescue! Yay!

Yeah, so...I'm not a doctor, any of the medical stuff in this chapter is based on a limited knowledge of first aid and a little help from Google.

With no sign of Rex, the team continued their work back at the precinct. 

Sarah’s examination of the pine needles embedded in the dirt under the footprints had led her to ID the tree they’d come from. It was a relatively common fir tree. It didn’t, however, match the sap on Rex’s paw, which came from a tree that wasn’t found in Newfoundland. However, this turned out to be the break in the case that they needed.

Jesse had contacted a horticulturalist, who’d given him a list of plants growing at this time of year that would require watering at 15 minute intervals. The list included both of the trees Sarah had been able to identify, as well as a few other evergreens.

But those trees wouldn’t all grow in the same area. Unless…

It was a Christmas tree farm. That was what Charlie had been trying to communicate to them.

Jesse did a quick search for Christmas tree farms in the area near where they’d found Gillespie. There were three of them. 

And one was owned by Richard Bunting.

*****

Arriving at the farm, Joe quickly spotted Lisa Bunting trying to run. Squad cars surrounded her as Joe got out of his vehicle.

“Lisa, it’s over,” he said, keeping his gun trained on her. “Where’s Charlie?”

Fire in her eyes, Sarah was ready to strangle the woman with her bare hands.

“Where’s Charlie?” Joe demanded again.

A bark sounded nearby. 

Rex.

Leaving Lisa to be taken into custody by one of the patrol officers, Joe and Sarah followed the sound of Rex’s bark.

“Over here,” shouted Joe as he found the recently disturbed earth.

The rescue team made their way over. Paramedics stood by as the team dug quickly. 

They were nearly there. 

Joe and Sarah used their hands to dig frantically at the remaining debris. The lid of the coffin was visible, a rope tied to it. Rex took the rope in his mouth, tugging.  Finally they managed to get the lid open.

Charlie lay there, unconscious. 

“Charlie,” Joe called to him, supporting him under his shoulders as he urged him to a sitting position. 

“Charlie,” Sarah said frantically, grabbing at his arm. Please, please, open your eyes .

Blinking, disoriented, Charlie’s eyes opened.

Sarah sent up a silent prayer of thanks.

With Joe’s help, Charlie was able to get free of the coffin and slumped forward into Sarah’s waiting arms.

She clung to him, holding him as tightly as she could as his arm came around her back. Openly weeping now, she assured herself that he was here, he was real, he was alive.

Charlie was in a daze. He’d registered Joe’s voice, then had seen Sarah’s face as his eyes opened, adjusting once again to the light. He tried to catch his breath as he held onto her. Looking up at the sky, the sky he’d never expected to see again, he found himself thinking it had never looked so blue.

He saw Rex at his side, and turning out of Sarah’s embrace, he collapsed into the dog, face coming to rest against his fur..

Keeping one hand on Charlie’s knee, Sarah’s tears continued to fall. Her other hand came to rest on Rex’s side, grateful as ever for the dog’s presence. They owed him everything.

Joe allowed Charlie a few moments with Sarah and Rex, before signalling to the paramedics to approach.

“Detective Hudson?” the male paramedic said. “Hi there. Do you think you can stand?”

“Don’t...don’t think so. Legs...cramped,” Charlie managed to breathe out.

Climbing out of the shallow grave, Joe slung one of Charlie’s arms over his shoulder as the paramedic took the other side, and together they were able to lift him onto the stretcher. 

Standing, Sarah took his hand, clutching it tightly as the paramedics did their preliminary examination.

“Hey, you,” he said, voice a little hoarse.

She laughed tearfully. “Hi.”

*****

Refusing to leave Charlie’s side, both Sarah and Rex rode in the ambulance with him. Joe headed back to the precinct with the promise that he and Jesse would join them as soon as they could. 

“Hate hospitals,” Charlie said weakly. His face was covered by the oxygen mask, a precautionary measure due to the smoke inhalation.

“You need to be seen by a doctor,” replied Sarah matter-of-factly. Rex barked his apparent agreement.

“Got...doctor...right here,” Charlie protested.

“I’m not a practicing physician, Charlie. You were hit with a heavy animal tranquilizer, you’ve  inhaled smoke, not to mention the limited oxygen, you have a couple of bumps on your head, you’re dehydrated.” 

He looked at her in silent acquiescence. His eyes still held worry.

“Charlie, I’m not going anywhere, okay? I’ll be right by your side.”

“Promise?” 

He sounded so desperate. Her heart broke for him, for what he’d just been through.

“Always,” she replied, giving his hand a squeeze.

*****

Charlie had been incredibly lucky. He likely had a mild concussion, but no serious aftereffects from the smoke inhalation. He was dehydrated, and was quickly given IV fluids. A blood test showed no traces of the drug remained in his system. He would be kept under observation for a few hours, but then would be cleared to go home. He was looking forward to being in the comfort of his own space, in his own bed.

Joe and Jesse arrived, Jesse cautiously pulling Charlie into a hug as Joe clapped him on the back, both grateful to see their friend on the mend. Jesse handed Sarah the keys to her car which he’d driven over from the precinct. 

“All of us are off-duty for the rest of the day,” said Joe. “Lisa Bunting is in holding, Richard Bunting is refusing to talk. I’ll be speaking to Lisa in the morning.”

“No,” Charlie interjected, voice still a bit hoarse. “No, I want to be there, I’ll talk to her.”

Sarah looked at Joe, hesitation in her eyes.

“Jesse, Sarah, can you give us a minute?” Joe asked.

“Sure,” said Jesse. “Hey, Sarah, you want to go grab a coffee?”

Sarah reluctantly followed the younger man out of the room.

“Charlie, you’ve been through hell,” Joe began. “You don’t need to do this. You should take a few days.”

“Joe, I need to. This case...I’d put it all behind me, and now...I need to be there. I need that closure.”

Joe sighed. There was no way he would talk him out of it.

“Okay. Just remember, the whole team is here for you.”

“I know. Thank you.” Charlie paused. “How did you find me, in the end?”

Joe explained everything they’d learned, from the kidnappers’ first calls, to finding the camera feed, to the clues they’d pieced together, to Rex’s heroic journey back to the precinct and then leading them directly to Charlie. 

Charlie sensed there was more that Joe wasn’t saying. “What aren’t you telling me?” he asked.

“Sarah...When we were getting desperate, when none of our leads were panning out, Sarah made some calls. She was able to secure some of the ransom money. I was working on the rest.” He explained Sarah’s attempt to get the money using her house as well as his own contribution looking at his mutual funds and Camilla’s tuition funds.

Charlie looked at him in disbelief. They’d been willing to risk it all for him. He felt a sense of warmth grow in his chest.

Jesse and Sarah returned to the room, each carrying a cup of coffee.

“Mr. Hudson?” The doctor re-entered the room behind his friends. “Oh, I see you have guests.”

“Family,” replied Charlie.

Sarah and Jesse exchanged smiles. It was true.

“Okay, then.” The doctor looked at his chart. “Mr. Hudson, you’re clear to go home. Ms. Truong has agreed to keep an eye on you through the night. If anything changes, or any symptoms get worse, you come right back.”

“He will,” said Sarah firmly, with a look at Charlie that told him protesting would be useless.

Chapter 10

Notes:

I didn't expect to get this edited so quickly, but apparently I found my muse, so here you go.

Arriving at Charlie’s house, Sarah kept an arm around him as she guided him through the door, seeing that he was still a bit shaky on his feet. Rex stayed at Charlie’s side as he headed for the couch, sinking into the cushions.

Sarah locked the door, then went to fill Rex’s food and water bowls before joining Charlie on the couch. 

“Are you hungry?” she asked.

“No, not really.” He’d been able to keep down some juice and broth at the hospital. That was all he could really stomach for now. “I really need to...all I can smell is the smoke. And I can’t get warm.”

Sarah noticed his shiver. 

“So, a hot shower? Do you think...will you need some help?” she asked, concerned at the idea of him losing his footing.

“I, um...yeah. Thanks.” He was never one to ask for help, but right now he knew he needed her support. 

“Okay,” said Sarah. “Hang on just a moment.” 

Going to his bedroom, she pulled out a set of warm pajamas for him, finding a pair of her own from the growing collection of her clothes in his closet. Grabbing fresh towels, she set them in the washroom as well.

“Good to go,” she said on returning to the living room. Charlie stood, taking the hand she offered. 

He turned the water on, perhaps a little hotter than usual, needing to feel that warmth. Quickly undressing, eager to shed the remnants of the day, he stepped under the spray as Sarah did the same.

Charlie ran shampoo through his hair, loosening any remaining dirt and debris.

Working soap into a lather, Sarah ran her hands slowly over his body. She mentally catalogued every part of him she touched, needing that reassurance that he was whole, that he was here with her and he was safe. She lingered over his ribs, his chest, feeling each breath, each beat of his heart. They’d been through hell and back in the last 24 hours, and it was catching up with both of them.

Charlie’s hands gently encircled her wrists, urging her to look at him. Her eyes filled with tears as he wrapped his arms around her, her own coming around his waist. 

Sarah had a brief flash of a memory, of her braced against the wall, leg held around his hips as he moved within her.

And yet somehow their current position, holding each other close, sharing this moment of vulnerability, felt far more intimate. They breathed almost in sync as the water washed over them, cleansing away some of the horror of the day.

Several minutes passed as they clung to each other for the second time that day. 

“Charlie, you must be exhausted,” Sarah murmured against his chest. “I know I am.”

She felt his nod from where his chin rested against her forehead. 

Shutting off the water, she handed him a towel as she proceeded to dry herself off. She was ready and headed out first, stopping to give Rex another grateful hug on the way to the kitchen. Pouring two glasses of water, she took them to the bedroom.

Charlie was already seated against the headrest, blankets pulled up over him.

“Here, drink all of this,” said Sarah. “Doctor’s orders.” She gave him a wink.

He smiled at her, a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes, as he accepted the glass and began to sip slowly. Sarah climbed in next to him, pressed fully against his side. 

Setting the glass down, Charlie turned to face her, eyes full of emotion.

“Come here,” she said, gathering him in her arms. His arms wrapped around her back, clinging to her as he finally broke, silent sobs wracking his body.

“It’s okay,” she said softly. “It’s okay. Let it out.”

He wasn’t normally one to show emotion like this, but here in her arms, he felt safe enough to do so. His shaking eventually subsided and he pulled back slightly, wiping at his face. Holding Sarah’s gaze again, seeing her own unshed tears, he dipped his face towards hers, kissing her gently. 

“I thought I’d never get to do that again,” he admitted. “I was so afraid...that I’d never get to hold you again. That I wouldn’t see your face. And I did...I kept seeing your face in my mind, and it kept me going. I knew I needed to get back to you.”

The tears in Sarah’s eyes spilled over. She loved this man so much.

“I was terrified of the same things, Charlie.” Her voice was nearly a whisper. “It was...It was quite a day. I thought I’d lost you so many times. It broke me. You mean so much to me, and I needed you to be safe. I needed you back.”

He kissed her again, a reassuring brush of his lips against hers.

“I promised myself if I got back to you that I’d tell you...I love you, Sarah.” His eyes shone in the near-darkness. “I love you so much.”

Her breath caught in her throat at his admission.

“Charlie I have been in love with you for longer than I think I’ve even known,” she replied, arms winding around his neck. “I love you.” She met his lips again, lingering but not pushing for anything further. They were both exhausted. “You want to get some sleep? I mean, I know that was pretty huge,” she chuckled softly. “But I know how tired I am and I can imagine you’re feeling it too.”

“Yeah.” He laid down, pulling the blankets over both of them as she came to rest beside him, hand over his heart once again, still needing to feel that strong beat. 

“By the way,” she said with a smile she knew he couldn’t see. “Joe and Jesse both knew already. About us.”

“Of course they did,” Charlie replied with a sleepy laugh.

Sleep quickly overcame them.

*****

He couldn’t breathe. He was trapped, and he couldn’t breathe. The noise of dirt falling on the wooden box was all he could hear, and then it went silent.

He woke, bolting upright, gasping for air. Sarah immediately sat up beside him, hands finding his arms.

“Charlie. Charlie, look at me. Look right at me,” she instructed.

He blinked his eyes as her face came into focus.

“That’s good. Now breathe with me, okay? Inhale. Exhale. Just listen to my breath and try to match it. Can you do that for me?”

He nodded as he watched her chest rise and fall, trying to match her movements. His breathing began to settle. 

She took his hands in her own.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“It was...I was back there. I couldn’t breathe.” He squeezed his eyes shut at the memory. 

“You’re here with me now. You’re safe. It’s okay.” She pulled him into her embrace. “Listen. The nightmares are going to happen. They’re a normal response after a traumatic event. You know that.”

“I know. I do. I...I’ve been there before.”

“Me too,” she admitted.

He looked at her, questioningly.

“It’s...another time, okay?” Her features had flitted briefly into a look of pain that she hoped he didn’t notice. “Tonight, the next, however long you need, I’m here for you. I’m going to be here for you.”

His arms came around her, face buried in her hair, breathing her in.

“Thank you.”

Chapter 11

Notes:

Bit of a longer chapter today.

CW for some traumatic memories

“Are you sure you want to do this?” The concern was evident in Sarah’s voice as they stepped out of her car and headed into the precinct. 

“I need to,” he replied. He met her eyes, saw the worry there. “I’ll be okay.”

“Okay,” she agreed reluctantly. “I just...Joe already has her statement. I worry about you going in there in your current condition.”

“I feel fine.”

“Yes, Charlie, but that doesn’t mean you are fine.”

He reached for her hand, clasping it in his own. “I know. Thank you. Thank you for caring so much.”

“Always.” She smiled at him, fresh tears in her eyes. “Ugh, I’m getting messy again.”

“I think we’re both going to be a little emotional for a while,” he admitted. 

“Agreed.” 

Sarah was relieved to know that he acknowledged how much the experience had affected him. Both of them, really, but him in particular. He spent so much time trying to be strong, covering his emotions, so rarely giving himself permission to be vulnerable. 

He was opening up to her.

*****

From the observation room, Sarah watched as Charlie steeled himself, eyes hardened as he spoke to his captor. She couldn’t help the rage she felt at this woman and her husband. They’d nearly taken him from her. 

“You and your husband buried Patrick Gillespie,” Charlie emphasized each word. “And then you drove his red pickup so that we would think it was him.”

Sarah shuddered. They hadn’t yet discussed how much premeditation had been involved in Charlie’s abduction. She’d begun to process that the Buntings had been watching them, that they would have known the route Charlie would walk home. The engine trouble that had led him to take his car into the shop was now suspicious. She didn’t want to tell him that yet, but they’d have to confront it when they went to pick it up the next day. 

They’d known where he lived. They would have come to his house. Rex would have alerted them to the presence of strangers, so it had to have been during a time they’d been out, maybe at the park, maybe on a run. 

Without warning, her mind was back in an apartment in Toronto, the door lock broken, giving the police her statement. Nothing missing. Personal items disturbed. She’d left the next day, briefly returning to her parents’ home to search for a new place, unable to face going back there. 

Breathing deeply, reminding herself of where she was at the present moment, she focused on Charlie.

“The bad news is that you’re going to jail for a long time.” 

Listening to Lisa talk about wanting Gillespie and Charlie to experience what her son would have experienced in his final moments, Sarah could almost find a bit of empathy for the woman. Almost. The loss that had driven them to it was real. But their actions had been cold, calculated. 

Charlie’s eyes remained fixed on Lisa, but from where Sarah stood, she could see the tears that had welled up in him. He stood and left the room. She gave him a moment before she went to find him.

*****

Charlie was relieved to see Rex waiting outside the door. He hadn’t brought him into the room. The dog didn’t need to relive his experience with this woman.

Rex stood on his hind legs, paws coming to rest on Charlie’s shoulders. 

“Yeah, I was worried about you too, pal.” The dog dropped back to all fours. Charlie gave him a pat, steadying himself for a moment. “Okay.”

He let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding, trying to put on a calm face as he walked toward the bullpen. 

Sarah came around the corner to greet him. He knew she’d been watching from the observation room.

“How’d that go?” she asked.

“About the same as it always goes.” Not ready to talk about it, he quickly changed the subject. “Listen, I heard about the money, and what you were willing to do for me.”

She hadn’t expected him to bring that up so soon.

“It wasn’t just me, Joe too.” Why did she feel the need to minimize what she’d done, what how far she’d been willing to go to get him back? 

He thanked her. She saw the sincerity in his eyes, the understanding that they’d all been through something huge.

“You would have done the same for us,” Sarah said with a smile.

“Well I don’t know, I really do like that house I just bought.”

And just like that the moment was gone, he was back to covering his feelings, trying to deflect with humour. She tried not to let it bother her as she gave him a playful shove through the open door of the bullpen.

*****

They’d toasted to the team. To the fact that they were all still breathing.

The shot of whiskey was probably not the best idea given his injuries, but Charlie needed that moment, that celebration of having come out on the other side of this, relatively unscathed.

Joe went back to his office, having given the team the rest of the day off.

“I think I’m going to head out,” Charlie announced. 

“Wait, just let me grab my things, I’ll drive you,” said Sarah.

“Actually...I think we’re going to walk the scenic route once more. I um…” He faced her. “It’s something I need to do. For both of us,” he said, indicating Rex. He hoped she understood.

She looked at him in shock, tears welling up in her eyes at the thought of him going there again, alone. 

“Excuse me,” she said, hastily leaving the room.

Charlie turned, ready to go after her, but was stopped by Jesse’s hand on his shoulder.

“Hey, Charlie,” the younger man began. “I think I get why you need to do...what you need to do...but I don’t know if she’s going to understand right away.”

Jesse’s face was solemn as he continued.

“When we...yesterday, when you were gone, we all went through hell...but I think she took it the hardest. And I know it’s because  you two are...well, you two. But she broke down pretty hard. She blamed herself. And now she’s worried about you going down that path again.” 

“Yeah, I think...I understand. Thanks, Jesse.” 

Charlie signalled Rex to follow him as he walked downstairs, just in time to catch Sarah coming out of the washroom by the Forensics lab. He noticed her tear-stained cheeks right away.

“Hey,” he said softly. “Can we…” He motioned towards a nearby empty conference room. 

She nodded and followed him into the darkened room.

Charlie took Sarah’s hands in his. 

“I know why you’re upset. Or at least, I think I do. Do you want to talk about it?”

“Charlie, they followed you. They knew exactly where you would be, that you wouldn’t be driving. How do you think they knew that?”

“I know. I’ve been thinking about it since last night. There was a lot more going on here. I’ll be giving Joe my statement about it all on Monday, but he was pretty insistent about today being a break for all of us.” His hands moved up her arms, to her shoulders, urging her to meet his eyes. “I’m sorry. I sounded like...I know you thought I was being reckless just now upstairs.”

“If I’d just given you a ride home, maybe none of this would have happened.”

“Or they would have taken you too, Sarah, and that would have killed me.” His words were insistent. “You can’t blame yourself. None of this was your fault. It was these people. These people who twisted what happened, who decided they needed to take revenge in the worst way. None of this was your fault.”

Some of it was , she thought, but she tried to force a smile through the tears that once again threatened to fall.

“Here’s what I’m thinking,” Charlie said. “I’ll have Rex with me, we’ll walk that route. Because I need to do that. You understand why that’s important to me, right?”

She nodded.

“Meanwhile, how about you drive to my place, and I’ll text you a few times while we’re out so you’ll know we’re on the way. Does that sound okay?

“Yeah,” Sarah replied. She could live with that.

“You want to order in tonight? Maybe watch a movie or something?”

“That sounds great.”

“Okay. It’s a date.” Charlie smiled, then enveloped her in a strong hug..

Her arms found his waist, pulling him close.

“I think we broke our no workplace touching rule,” she murmured.

“We’re alone. And anyone who knows us would understand why we need this today.”

She released him, grabbing a tissue from the box on the table to dab at her eyes.

“I’ll see you at home.”

*****

Charlie texted Sarah just before he made it to the clearing.

Home in about ten.

Her reply came quickly. 

See you soon.

Breathing deeply, Charlie dropped to one knee and looked out over the water. Rex trotted over to him, and he hugged the big dog around the neck. 

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it pal?”

It was. He felt fear, but he also felt freedom, breathing the open air, taking in the scenery.

He stayed for a few moments, appreciating the happier memories of this place. Running with Rex and Sarah. Long walks. Stargazing in the early morning. This was their place. No one could take that from them.

Getting back to his feet, he smiled at Rex.

“Let’s go home.”

Notes:

We've finally made it out of the episode! There's some angst coming, but first some happy (maybe smutty) fluff because they need it so badly.

Chapter 12

Notes:

Finally had some time to edit this. Anyone order some smut with a side of angst and fluff?

Sarah was waiting for them on the porch. Rex bounded towards her, tail wagging, and she threw her arms around him, before standing to pull Charlie into a long embrace. 

“How did it feel?” she asked as they walked inside.

“I was scared.”

She was surprised by his honest admission. 

“But also, it was kind of...I don’t know, freeing, I guess?” He took a seat on the couch, and she followed, settling next to him as his arm came around her.

Sarah closed her eyes, relaxing into him, resting her head against his shoulder. He leaned back, closing his eyes as well, happy to be home.

They dozed off together.

*****

A few hours later, Charlie woke. At some point in his exhaustion he’d moved so that they now lay lengthwise on the couch, his arms around Sarah’s waist, holding her to him. He smiled. Dipping his head, he kissed her cheek, lingering there for a moment. Her eyes fluttered open.

“Hey Sleeping Beauty,” he said with a smile.

“Wow, how long have we been asleep?” She took in the fading daylight through the windows.

“A couple of hours. I think we needed it. You want to get some food and then maybe call it an early night?”

“Sure.”

They ordered pizza, which they proceeded to eat at the coffee table, both too comfortable to move. Rex joined them, his comforting weight at Charlie’s side.

Charlie stifled a yawn.

“Bed?” asked Sarah.

“Probably a good idea,” he replied. He stood, cleaned up their plates. They each gave Rex a pat as they walked by the dog who was already sound asleep.

Turning down the covers on Charlie’s bed, they climbed in next to each other.

Charlie felt for Sarah in the dark, wrapping his arms around her tightly.

“Hi there,” she whispered, eyes adjusting to find his face in the darkness.

“Hi,” he replied, skimming a hand over her side, down to her waist, pulling her closer to him. His lips found hers, kissing her softly, gently. His tongue traced the seam of her lips, not pushing, allowing her to open to him. She responded in kind, tongue seeking his own. Her hand ran up his back, holding him firmly to her.

“Thought you were tired,” she said with a smile.

“I might have a little energy left,” he replied cheekily.

“That so?”

He responded by kissing a trail down her neck, pulling the thin strap of her camisole down her shoulder as his lips followed, then moving to the swell of her breast peeking out from the top. His hand at her waist slid underneath, caressing her skin as he brought it upwards, grazing over her breast. 

She moved, sat up, pulling the top off over her head. He found her nipple with his mouth, scraped his teeth lightly over it, drawing a shiver of pleasure from her.

Her hand scratched gently through his hair as he continued to tease, kissing down her abdomen, dipping his fingers under her waistband. She lifted her hips to allow him to remove her shorts. 

He ran the flat of his tongue along her centre, circling her as she purred his name. He added his fingers, worked her with his hand and his mouth until he had her teetering on the edge. 

She urged him back up to her mouth.

“You’re wearing too many clothes,” she said, reaching for his pajama pants, which he eagerly helped her remove. She grasped him firmly, stroking, savouring the noises she drew from him.

“Feels so good,” he groaned. “Want to be inside you.”

She kissed him, long and hard, moved to straddle him, slowly sinking onto his length with a sigh of pleasure as he filled her completely.

His hand came to her hip as his other pulled her towards him, kissing her again.

She began to move in slow circles over him, so close to the edge, but keeping the pace gentle, mindful of his condition.

“I’m not going to break,” he whispered against her mouth.

She picked up the pace, shuddering, teetering on the precipice. He brought his thumb to where they were joined and she cried out as she hit her release, collapsing forward against him.

With one smooth move he flipped them over, driving into her frantically, grunting her name as he let go.

He rolled to her side, catching his breath. 

Sarah lay against him, hair splayed across his chest, smiled at him.

“Tired yet?” she asked.

“Yeah, I think I might be now,” Charlie replied with a sleepy laugh. He kissed her once more before he drifted off.

*****

The smoke was everywhere. She watched on the digital screen as it filled the coffin. But then it expanded. It filled the entire screen. And suddenly it filled the bullpen, people dropping, choking. It filled her lungs as she tried to scream.

“Sarah,” Charlie called her name, hand on her shoulder as she awoke. “Sarah. Hey, come back to me.”

She opened her eyes, trembling, taking in her surroundings.

Charlie held her hand, intertwining their fingers. 

“What was it?”

She shook her head, unable to speak yet. She tried to calm her breathing, but the sobs came regardless.

“Come here, sweetheart,” he said, gathering her into his arms. He rubbed her back, soothing, comforting.

She drew in a few ragged breaths.

“Smoke,” she said hoarsely, voice still choked with tears.

He understood. He didn’t want to think about the smoke that had filled the coffin, but he remembered every moment.

“I know. I’m here though. It’s over now. I’m here with you.”

“Yeah.” She hesitated, but she had to tell him. “Charlie, the smoke was my fault.” Her voice broke, body wracked by fresh sobs.

“What? What are you talking about?” he asked, bewildered.

“When...when we were trying to stall, to trace the call,” she began slowly. “I mentioned the money I was trying to arrange. They said the delay came at a cost. And then…” she trailed off, in tears again.

He understood.

“Sarah, they would have done it regardless. These people are monsters. At the end, they filled the coffin with smoke before they knocked me out. Nothing about that was your fault.”

She shook her head. She couldn’t let it go. Not yet. She felt responsible.

“Hey. Look at me.” He placed his hands on her shoulders. “Don’t beat yourself up. What you were willing to do for me...it means everything to me. You never gave up. You never gave up on me.”

She smiled through her tears. “You’re worth it. All of it. Whatever it took to get you back, I had to try.”

“I know,” he said softly. He moved his hand back to rub slow circles over her back. “And I know you went through a lot too.”

“Yeah,” she sniffled. “We all did.”

“Hey, you want a glass of water or something?” he asked, noticing her shaking was starting to subside.

“Yeah, that would be great. Um, I can get it.”

“No, you stay here. I’ll be right back.”

Sarah pulled the blankets over herself, willing herself to take deep breaths.

Charlie returned shortly with two glasses of water. He handed one to her, put his arm around her again.

“You okay?” he asked her.

“Not yet. I will be.”

“Listen to me,” he said, taking her hand. “I don’t blame you for anything. You have no idea how much it means to me that you put yourself on the line like that.” 

“Like I said, you’re worth it.”

“How did I get so lucky?”

Sarah smiled at him. “I feel pretty lucky to have you too, Charlie. I know it took us a while to get here, but now that we are...it feels incredible.”

“It really does. I...I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.”

“I haven’t either.”

They let the magnitude of that realization sink in.

“We have to stop having these big moments when we need to be sleeping,” Sarah laughed quietly.

“Yeah. You ready to try again?” Charlie asked.

“I think so.”

“Okay.” 

They lay back down, his arms coming around her protectively, still rubbing her back, soothing.

“Charlie?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.” 

He kissed her softly.

“I love you too.”

Chapter 13

Notes:

I know, it's been forever since I've touched this one. I was in a really specific mindset when I started this piece, and I just haven't had the time to devote to it like I've wanted to.

We're back to angst in this one. It's also kind of long.

This chapter contains descriptions of stalking behaviour and allusions to some other non-specific traumatic experiences. Skip it if you need to.

They had confirmation. Charlie’s car had been tampered with.

His car had been tampered with, and the implication of that was hitting both Charlie and Sarah hard. They’d both already considered the premeditation. Sarah had started to put the pieces together. But now, confronted with the evidence, it was that much more real.

Charlie was silent on the drive home. Sarah wasn’t sure how to even broach the subject without unleashing all of the emotions that were currently bubbling just under the surface for her as well.

They reached his house, went inside. 

He crossed to the liquor shelf, poured himself a drink. Downed it in one shot.

Okay. They needed to talk about this.

Sitting on the couch, Sarah rested her elbows on her knees, let out a slow breath. 

“How the hell long were these people following me?” Charlie asked, anger evident in his voice.

“Following us , you mean,” Sarah said wearily.

“Fuck. Yes. Us.” He heaved out a sigh as he sat next to her. “They would have been here. Sometime when we were out, otherwise Rex would have alerted us. So how long were they...They were keeping an eye on the house. Lying in wait.” His hands balled into fists. “Watching us. Both of us. I put you in danger too.”

She looked at him, incredulous. “You cannot be serious right now.”

“About you being in danger because of me? I’m absolutely serious. They could just as easily have taken you, or worse.”

“Yeah, Charlie, but they didn’t. They took you. And it was devastating.”

“Having a target on my back is one thing, but on yours as well...”

“I’m sorry, am I supposed to be okay with you being targeted? Because I’m not. That’s never going to be okay with me.” She sighed deeply. “Nothing about this is okay. It’s deeply fucked up.”

Charlie stood again, began to pace. Rex made a noise of concern and approached his human. 

“You know, I spent years trying to forget this case. Years. When you found that article...I didn’t want to talk about it because I wanted to forget.”

“I’m sorry,” Sarah began, tears already stinging her eyes.

“No. You didn’t know.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I can’t...I couldn’t talk about it. I didn’t even want to think about it, but it kept coming back to me anyway. He was a kid. He was a goddamn kid.” He’d made it to the kitchen counter, leaned his elbows on the counter, face in his hands.

She rose, went to him, laid a hand on his shoulder. He didn’t look at her.

“They...whatever they became in the end, maybe if they’d known...if I’d been able to tell them...I wonder if it would have changed things if they’d known.”

“You can’t torture yourself with what ifs, Charlie.”

“I buried it. All of it. And that whole time, if I’d only been truthful...maybe they would have had the closure they’d needed.”

“You kept it to yourself because you wanted to protect them.” She stroked along his arm, covered his hand with her own as she urged him to look at her. “You have a good heart, Charlie. You can’t live in the past. You’ll beat yourself up forever thinking of the things you could have done differently.” She paused. “Hell, I already am. If Jesse and I had come over the other night like you’d asked…”

“No. Don’t do that.” He looked at her, his own eyes now shining with unshed tears. 

“You didn’t want to be alone with the memories.”

He hesitated. But she was right. “Yeah.”

“I wish I’d dropped the work that night. I wanted to. I wanted to be with you.”

“I wish you wouldn’t blame yourself.”

“Right back at you.”

Sarah opened her arms to him. He stepped into her embrace, wrapped his own arms around her. They took comfort in each other’s presence, solid, grounding.

“I can’t help but feel...I know this sounds crazy,” Charlie began, a little muffled as his lips were currently pressed to the top of Sarah’s head. “But even though I know they’re both behind bars right now, that feeling of violation, knowing that they were here.”

“Yeah.” Sarah drew in a shaky breath as his choice of words hit her like a ton of bricks. “I know that feeling.”

Charlie drew back, looked at her. This wasn’t just about the Buntings. This was something else.

“What is it?” he asked softly.

“I…” She choked up, tears spilling over. “I can’t…” Her breathing was shallow.

“Hey,” Charlie was concerned now. “Come here.” He took her hand, led her back to the couch. He sat, pulled her against him as she shook uncontrollably now. He held her close, stroked a hand over her hair. “It’s okay,” he whispered, trying to soothe. “Whatever it is. It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me.”

She shook her head, buried her face in his chest as she gripped him tighter. Slowly, gradually she was able to take deeper breaths.

Rex wandered over, laid a paw on Sarah’s lap.

Charlie rubbed soft circles over her back, hoping to reassure her that he was with her, whatever was happening.

She sniffled a bit, then drew back, reaching for a tissue. She dabbed at her eyes.

“Sarah,” he began. “I get the feeling...that was about more than what’s happening right now.” He took her hands in his. “And you don’t have to tell me now. You don’t ever have to tell me. But just know, I will always be here for you.”

She nodded, blinking away the tears still in her eyes.

“I want to. I just...this is bringing up a lot of old memories for me, too.”

The concern was evident in Charlie’s eyes.

“Would it be okay if...Can we get out of here for a bit?” Sarah asked tentatively.

“Yeah. Let’s go.”

*****

The beach was cold, the early winter wind blowing. Yet somehow the feeling of the wind whipping at their coats, the chill it brought to their skin, seemed to help. It was something else to feel, something beyond the internal emotions they were currently experiencing. A distraction.

They walked along the rocky shore, gloved hand in gloved hand, Rex dutifully at their side.

Sarah had been silent on the drive over, eyes sad, haunted. Finally, she spoke softly.

“I was in second year at U of T.”

Charlie stopped walking, led her over to a flat expanse of rock. They sat.

“He was...We went out for a short time. I broke it off. He didn’t take it well.” She stared out at the ocean, the churning waters that mirrored the feelings stirred up inside her. “It...He’d show up after my classes, classes he wasn’t taking, but he’d just be there. Waiting. He knew where I lived. I started getting letters…” Her voice was shaky again. “Gifts. Packages. I sent them all back. I didn’t tell anyone. My roommate thought I just had a secret admirer.”

“Oh, Sarah,” Charlie said softly, wrapping an arm around her waist.

She drew in a shaky breath, continued, needing to get it all out. Rex laid his head on her lap and she brushed a hand through his fur.

“I’d been at school late one night. My roommate was visiting her family. The door…” she trailed off for a moment, squeezing her eyes shut. “I got home, the door was ajar.”

“Did he…” Charlie’s eyes flashed with fire for a moment.

“No. He was already gone. But he’d been there, in my room. Things had been moved around. Personal things. I contacted the police, gave them a statement. That was the last night I stayed there, and I spent the whole night awake, terrified. I went back to my parents’ place, had some friends move my stuff out. I couldn’t go back.”

“What happened to him?”

“There was...is a restraining order. He got...a few years later he went after someone else, got violent. Spent some time behind bars.” She looked at Charlie, eyes shining with tears. “So when I say I’ve been there...I know the feeling. The violation. I know the nightmares. I’ve mostly moved past it. It was a long time ago. But even beyond that, things happen...In our jobs, we see things sometimes. Horrific things. They trigger the memories sometimes. Or sometimes it’s just…the nightmares just seem to come. The inability to sleep, fearing they’ll come. Constantly feeling on edge.”

“Yeah.” Charlie pulled her closer against his side, protectively. “I’ve been there before. Some of the things I’ve seen, that have happened...It’s too much. Too heavy. You can’t carry it alone, but you feel like that’s your only choice. So you shut off, you try not to feel, not to remember. And eventually it all boils over and it’s all you can feel.”

Sarah looked at him, seeing the pain in his eyes that she knew was mirrored in her own.

“You want to talk about any of it?” she asked, taking his hand again.

“Not, um...not right now,” Charlie said quietly. “I did, though...talk about it, I mean. When I got...when Julia left, I was a mess already, and then there were a couple of cases that really hit hard. And I...One day I just blew up. It wasn’t pretty. I was put on leave, and ordered to counseling. It um...It helped. I actually kept seeing the therapist for a while after I came back. So I know that...that the help’s there.”

“That’s good, Charlie. I went through some of that too. And it helped. When I worked Major Crimes in Toronto, I also put in some work with Victim Services. It could get...sometimes it was a lot. And I had someone I saw regularly, because it’s always...You’re right when you say it’s too much to carry on your own.” She smiled through the haze of tears blurring her vision. “You and I are way too similar in that regard. We try to do everything ourselves.”

“Yeah,” he agreed. “We try to carry the heaviest burdens alone.”

“We have each other now. When it gets hard.”

“We do. I feel...I know I’ve said it before, but I feel so lucky to have found you. To get to be with you, to love you.”

Sarah’s smile was genuine as she looked at him. “I feel it too. And I love you.” She paused. “Feel free to say no to this, but um...could we maybe spend the night at my place?”

“Why would you think I’d say no to that?”

“I don’t know. We just seem to spend more time at your place, and that’s fine, but right now, I just...I’m not sure I can…”

“I know. Me neither. Let’s go to your place tonight and then, we’ll take it a day at a time, okay?”

“Okay.” 

Sarah stood, Charlie following suit. 

“Hey,” he said, taking her hands in his own. “Thank you. For trusting me enough to tell me. I can’t imagine how hard that was for you.”

“I...like I said, I’ve mostly moved past it. It was so long ago. But thank you for letting me get there. Really. I appreciate that I can talk to you about things like that, without it scaring you away.”

“There’s no chance you’d scare me away. You’re stuck with me,” Charlie said with a smile, gathering her into his arms. “Should we go home?”

“Yeah.”

Chapter 14

Notes:

Finally getting back to this one after...many years, oops. I'm seriously hoping to finish it in the next few weeks.

He was going stir-crazy. Modified duties, shortened days. Charlie hated every minute of it.

They’d spent the rest of the weekend at Sarah’s, trying to distract, trying not to think about what haunted both of them, the violation, the stalking. They thought about it anyway. They avoided talking about it, despite the acknowledgment that they would help each other through it. They weren’t ready to confront it just yet.

He’d gone back to his place Sunday night, alone. Sarah’s heart had broken as she’d told him she wasn’t ready, but that she’d work on it. He’d tried to reassure her. It would be okay. They’d make it through.

He missed her presence through the night. He barely slept, from the combination of missing her but also the ever-present hypervigilance, the feeling of being watched, despite knowing rationally that he wasn’t. The nightmares woke him up more than once.

They had lunch together Monday at work after he’d given his statement. They tried to keep it light. To talk about anything but the case.

He’d be cleared for duty in another week. Needed to speak to a counselor as a matter of protocol, due to the situation. He wasn’t looking forward to it. Knowing it had helped before was one thing, but facing these ever-present demons again wasn’t something he wanted to do.

*****

“Detective Hudson?”

It was Dr. Lang, the same therapist he’d seen several years prior, after the incident after his divorce. That familiarity was at least comforting.

He walked into to the room, took a seat on the sofa.

“So, Charlie,” she began. “I’ve read the case notes, I know what happened to you. And I will want to discuss how you’re feeling about that but I want to also acknowledge that the effects of an experience like this aren’t necessarily going to show up right away.”

“Yeah.”

“So when we talk about clearing you to return to active duty, I want you to keep in mind that I’d like to have regular check-ins with you for the next few months, and after that is up to you. Is that something you’d agree to?”

“I kind of have to, don’t I?” He sounded more defensive than he’d intended.

“Well, as you know, it’s always up to you but in this situation, for the sake of your return to work, I am going to have to insist.”

He softened. “Yeah. I know. I’m sorry, doc.”

“Hey, no worries. You went through a lot, it’s normal to have an emotional reaction. Can we talk about how you’ve been feeling? Any symptoms?”

Charlie drew in a breath. “I feel...I don’t know how I feel.”

She waited patiently for him to continue.

“I know what I went through was horrible, but it’s like I feel everything and nothing all at once.”

“Yeah. Kind of numb?”

“Yeah. But then sometimes it turns into anger. And fear. And that feeling of constantly looking over my shoulder.”

“Hypervigilance. That’s a pretty standard trauma response.”

“I know.”

“Let’s talk about your supports. Friends? Family?”

“The Major Crimes team is basically my family. And Rex, of course.”

“Right, your dog.”

“My partner,” he gently corrected.

“Yes, of course. Forgive me, I know the last time we saw each other you weren’t working with him yet, I’m still catching up. So you have supportive coworkers. Who else? Is there a romantic partner?”

“Yes. She’s also a coworker.”

“Okay. So she...have you told her about what you went through?”

“She was there. She went through it too. She’s the head of Forensics, part of the Major Crimes team.”

“Oh, I didn’t realize you and Dr. Truong were seeing each other. How long have you been together?”

“Close to two months I think. But we were…” Charlie smiled fondly. “We’d been good friends for about three years before we decided to pursue the relationship.”

“Okay.” Dr. Lang made a note. “And how’s that going?”

“It’s great…”

“I’m sensing a but.”

“Not really, I just...I don’t want to burden her with this.”

“How so?”

“I feel like...I don’t want her to have to carry this. It’s already upset her. It’s affected her. I don’t want my shit to drag her down too.”

“You feel protective of her.”

“I do. And I’m afraid that her being with me nearly put her in danger too.”

“Because of how much premeditation this crime entailed.”

“Yeah.”

“Does she know how you feel?”

“We talked about it a little bit. She was upset about it too.” He swallowed hard. “She um...she confided in me that she had a stalker when she was in school, and this is bringing some of that back up for her.”

“And you feel responsible for her pain.”

“Yes. No. I don’t know. I just...I don’t want her being with me to make things harder for her. Right now she can’t even set foot in my house again.”

“How long’s it been?”

“Two weeks.”

“Okay. Well, Charlie, it sounds like everything’s still really fresh. It’s going to take time, for both of you. Can you spend time together at a more neutral location for now?”

“I guess we could.”

“Okay. In terms of your own symptoms, let’s talk about those. Any trouble sleeping?”

“Yes.”

“Nightmares?”

“Yes.”

“How often?”

“I’d say at least one most nights since the kidnapping.”

“What happens when you wake up?”

“I get…I don’t know, restless. Like I can’t unwind enough to get back to sleep.”

“I want you to try a few things. I want you to keep a notebook by the bed, and any time you have a nightmare, you write it down as soon as you wake up. It gets it out of your head and on paper. You can bring the notebook to our sessions and we can go over what you’re dreaming about.”

Charlie nodded. “I can do that.”

“I’d also like you to try some relaxation skills, which we’ll practice together. When you wake up from a nightmare, you’ll have those skills to use to get you grounded, and hopefully back to restful sleep. Does that sound like something you’d be willing to try?”

“Yeah. I’ll give it a try.”

“It will get better. I know it’s hard to put in the work, but it will get better if you do.”

Charlie nodded. “Thanks, doc.”