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“No, Jet! What did they do to you?”
While the performance from the woman playing Aang was laughable, the situation was nothing less than utterly unnerving. Zuko had known that the Dai Li were brainwashing the citizens of Ba Sing Se, but he had no idea that Jet was among those affected. He narrowed his eyes as the scene carried on, his disbelief suspended for just long enough to sift through the pathetic parody for any small details of information.
“Must… serve… Earth King!” The actor playing Jet swung his hooked hand around wildly, nearly whacking the actors playing Aang and Sokka in a way that appeared dangerously uncoordinated. “Must… destroy!”
Again, the effects were utterly pathetic. A hand poked out before what seemed to be a prop of a hollow rock fell from the top of the stage, slowly and dramatically drifting until it covered Jet’s actor in almost his entirety. He crawled under the rest of the way, but Zuko couldn’t even chuckle at the absurdity due to the implications of the scene. The actor playing Jet, however poorly, was crushed by a rock. Completely and utterly smashed. Zuko’s breath caught in his chest.
“Did Jet just…” The more he thought about it, the harder his heart began to race. There was no way that Jet died, right? Especially not like that. Jet was strong, cocky, clever—it wasn’t possible for him to end up being killed by a rock. “…die?”
It took a moment for anyone to respond and in the time he was waiting, Zuko felt his entire body begin to shut down on him. The fact that they were taking more than a single second to speak meant that whatever happened, however it differed from the play, it wasn’t good. Zuko took a deep breath, trying to ignore the queasy feeling bubbling in his stomach and hoping he could somehow learn to control the frantic beating of his own stupid heart.
“You know,” started Sokka, his tone more thoughtful than anything else, “it was really unclear.”
Zuko gave the rest of the team a second to elaborate, but no one said a word. They all looked uncomfortable for a short while, and then they were back to laughing and blushing at the play again. They were back to joking and teasing each other as if nothing happened. As if a good man hadn’t died and not one of them appeared to feel any form of regret for it. Zuko tried to watch the next scene of the play, hoping he could distract himself with the horrible acting and inaccurate plots, but it wasn’t enough. The scene replayed itself over and over in his head as he tried to imagine what really happened, and the more he thought about it, the sicker he felt.
He mumbled out a half-assed excuse for walking out before he actually did, though nobody looked at him for longer than a second. They probably didn’t want him in there anyway, or they didn’t understand why he cared because clearly, he was the only one who did. Zuko shoved a hand through his hair as he walked out of the theater, his heart pounding harder with each passing second. All he could think about was everything they’d been through and how it all ended. How badly he wanted to make things right but the world was unfair and neither of them would ever get closure.
Jet was the one who kissed him first. Before that night, Zuko had never even considered men as a possibility and the moment took him entirely off-guard, but he didn’t hate it. In fact, he liked it. He couldn’t remember ever kissing anyone and enjoying it that much before—of course, he’d kissed exactly one person before that night and it barely constituted as real—and he couldn’t remember kissing anyone and enjoying it that much since. He cared about Mai, he did, and Jin was one of the nicest people he’d ever met, but the attraction with Jet was different. Stronger. Passionate. Real.
“Hey, are you all right?” Zuko jumped when he heard the voice, but his posture softened when Katara leaned on the railing beside him. She looked to his face, though he refused to acknowledge it and kept his own eyes pointed to the ocean far ahead of them. “I know this play has been really uncomfortable, and if you don’t want to watch the rest of it, I think we would all understand. I almost walked out myself when—”
“It’s not about the play, Katara.” He turned his gaze toward the left, trying to avoid her motherly stare. She was too kind. She was fourteen years old and constantly trying to help the entire team through all their problems. It wasn’t fair to burden her with anything else. “Just go back inside, all right? You shouldn’t have to miss out on anything because of me.”
“Believe me, there is nothing in that play which I would be disappointed in ‘missing out’ on. I’d rather know that you’re okay. You ran out of there really suddenly, and you weren’t even in the scene. If it’s about something one of us did, I think it’s only fair you give us a chance to explain what really happened before you go making any—”
“I walked out because of Jet, all right? I don’t care about the play. I don’t. I just— I didn’t know that Jet died and I was surprised and… upset, I guess. It doesn’t matter. It’s over now anyway.”
“Wait, you knew Jet?” It was obvious that the shock in her tone stemmed from Jet’s extreme—and justified—hatred of firebenders. Still, Zuko didn’t like the way she spoke and chose to only shrug in response. He didn’t have to explain himself to anyone, especially when it came to a relationship as personal as him and Jet’s. “Sorry, I didn’t mean anything bad by it, I just can’t imagine how— you met him in Ba Sing Se, didn’t you? While you were in disguise.”
“Actually, I met him on the ferry ride to Ba Sing Se,” said Zuko, a low sigh flowing from his lips, “but close enough. I was disguised as a refugee, and he didn’t know that I was a firebender. If he did, we never would’ve talked or… anything else. Believe me. The last time I saw him, he was trying to kill me because he caught my uncle firebending and realized that we were hidden fugitives. It’s only thanks to the whole ‘no war’ thing that nobody believed him.”
Katara nodded and slid closer on the railing beside Zuko, her eyes still shifting in a way that made it obvious she was trying to avoid whatever she really wanted to say. Zuko didn’t blame her. There were a thousand comments he could make about his past behavior and the ways his people had wronged both Jet and Katara herself, and for every one of those, Katara probably had another thousand more. She just happened to be kind enough not to bring it up when they were trying to focus on the better side of things. Except, there wasn’t really a better side of things anymore, was there?
He was gone. Jet was gone. Maybe they didn’t end things on the best of terms—an understatement—and maybe their relationship wasn’t the healthiest thing in the world given the circumstances, but that didn’t mean Zuko liked him any less. Even when they were actively working against each other on an individual level, Zuko didn’t like him any less. Jet wasn’t just the reason Zuko realized he had a thing for guys, he was the reason he opened his eyes to his biggest flaws and misconceptions carried over by his family and his ancestors. It didn’t matter if he made some poor or impulsive decisions, Jet fought for what was right. He always did.
“So, were you friends?” asked Katara suddenly, turning to meet Zuko’s eyes. He adjusted his hood after their gazes locked for half a second, unable to hold the eye contact. She was too nice. It made him want to tell her everything. “Before he found out you and your uncle were firebenders, I mean. If you feel bad about him dying, there must be a part of you that liked him, right?”
“You could say that.” Again, Zuko subconsciously turned his body away from Katara, his hood becoming more visible than his face. There was no reason for her to know how he really felt about Jet back in Ba Sing Se, even if the feelings had faded. He brushed a hand through his hair, twisting his hands uncomfortably. “He figured out we were firebenders pretty much right after we got to Ba Sing Se, I think, but we did some… things on the ferry. Bent the law a bit. It was his idea, actually. I don’t know why he thought it was a good idea to get me involved but we— we helped people. Stopped them from going hungry.”
“He was a good person. I’ll admit we had our ups and downs when I knew him and I kind of hated him for a while—he tried to wipe out an entire village full of innocents, long story—but he always fought for what he believed in, just like us. Maybe some of his methods weren’t the best, but I know that his heart was in the right place and that’s what really matters, right? Then again, I might not be entirely impartial because he was my first kiss, and—”
“You actually kissed Jet?!”
“Uh, yeah?” Katara didn’t respond like he was stupid for not knowing, but like he was stupid for making such a big deal out of it when, from her perspective, it really wasn’t. It shouldn’t have been a big deal to Zuko either, though that knowledge didn’t stop a tiny piece of Zuko from being jealous that Katara probably kissed him first. “It’s not like it was a relationship or anything, we just kissed the one time and then I found out he was lying to us, and— Zuko? Are you all right? You look… really weird right now.”
“Me? No, yeah, I’m fine.” Except he could feel his face turning red and the way he messed with his hair had to be a dead giveaway of something. “I just figured you and Aang were always like—”
“No? Relationships take time. We aren’t even together right now.”
“You’re not?”
“We’re not.” She crossed her arms, fully turning her body to face Zuko and narrowing her eyes like she was trying to read his mind. He kept his gaze focused on the water in the distance. “Aang’s great and all, but I think we have more important things to worry about than dating right now.”
“Oh, right, of course.” Zuko nodded quickly, turning his head again to avoid Katara’s increasingly intense stare. “Sokka and Suki don’t seem to be too concerned about that, though. So, you can see where I might—”
“Do you really have a crush on me?”
“What?!”
There was nothing wrong with Katara. In fact, she was easily one of the coolest women that Zuko had ever met. But there was the thing. She was a woman. After dating Mai for a significant amount of time and making out with Jet for three minutes on the ferry, Zuko had pretty much figured out he had a preference. Katara was amazing and anyone in the world would be lucky to have her, but not Zuko. Not unless something very significant suddenly and completely changed in him.
“I’m not trying to accuse you of anything,” said Katara, her own expression looking somewhat uncomfortable, “but you’re acting really weird. I said that I kissed Jet and you freaked out, and now you sound like you’re glad I’m not in a relationship with Aang but you’re trying to justify being in a relationship while also fighting a war? It’s fine if you like me, Zuko, but I just want you to know now that I’m not—”
“I don’t like you,” said Zuko, stumbling over his words. Katara’s face twisted in what appeared to be both confusion and offense, causing his heart to race faster as his breath caught in his throat. “I mean— I do like you! I think you’re a great friend, leader, bender, all of that, but I don’t— we’re just friends. I just think of us as friends.”
“Then why are you acting so—?”
“I’m gay.”
“You’re what?”
“I kissed Jet too.”
“You what?!”
Zuko leaned forward on the railing, dropping his head into his arms. He couldn’t face the look of surprise Katara held, not sure whether it was just that or if she had negative feelings mixed in. In all the time since the ferry, Zuko had never told anyone that he kissed Jet. He hadn’t even told anyone he thought he had a thing for guys, instead going along with a date set up by his uncle and getting together with Mai because it was what everyone expected. He liked the girls he dated. He just didn’t like them like that, and he didn’t know where to go after admitting that to someone.
“Hey.” But he should’ve expected better from Katara because she was pretty much the nicest person in the world. Rather than walking away or asking any questions, she nudged his shoulder and somehow managed to silently convince him to stand straight for a hug. He was awkward returning it but appreciated the gesture more than he could say. “I didn’t mean it like a bad thing. I was just surprised you kissed Jet, that’s all. It’s not a big deal that you—”
“I know, sorry,” Zuko mumbled, trying to figure out if he’d ever actually been hugged that sincerely before. “It’s my fault. I’ve never told anyone before and I didn’t really know what you would think.”
“I think you have very questionable taste in men, if that’s what you mean.”
The weirdest thing happened then and it took Zuko a moment to fully understand it. He didn’t just smile, he almost laughed. It was more of a quick exhale than anything else but it was still a humored reaction, still a feeling of joy he rarely knew. He slid back to lean against the railing but didn’t look away for long, allowing his gaze to finally lift and meet Katara’s. She smiled right back at him, and though neither of their expressions were overly cheerful given the circumstances, it made Zuko feel a little better. More comfortable. He took a deep breath before trying to speak again.
“I didn’t know he died.” It was the same thing that started their conversation and somehow, he felt the need to repeat it again. Katara didn’t scold him for it, instead nodding sympathetically, the look in her eyes beginning to fall. “I— I doubt our thing was even longer than yours but… I liked him, Katara. I really did. I know we had our differences and it never would’ve worked out long-term but I didn’t want him to get hurt. I never wanted him to get hurt.”
“I know,” said Katara quietly, repositioning herself to lean beside Zuko again. He didn’t have to keep his eyes from lifting, his gaze naturally unwilling to accept the reassuring interaction. “None of us did. I think… I think that’s why none of us really said anything when they reenacted it on stage. It’s not something we really want to remember and I’m sure you know by now that humor is Sokka’s way of coping with everything. That’s all he meant by what he said.”
Zuko nodded but he couldn’t think of what else to say. Obviously, it wouldn’t be easy for any of them to talk about it, especially after having watched him die. It made Zuko feel both guilty and lucky that he hadn’t been there too. He was the only one who didn’t know before the play, the only one who hadn’t been tormented with the image of his last breath, the only one who really cared for him and didn’t get the chance to say goodbye. Not that he knew just how much everyone else cared for Jet, but he couldn’t imagine they were all at the same level as him and Katara.
Neither of them said anything for a long moment after he let the silent fall. Katara was clearly still upset about Jet’s death too, not only from what she said but from the lack of light in her eyes and the downward curl of her lips. If he had any idea how normal social interaction was meant to work, Zuko would’ve done something like she had for him. He’d have tried to give her a hug or comfort her the way she did for all of them. But he knew that he was badly socially inept and if he tried anything, it would probably come out wrong and make things worse, so he kept his stupid mouth shut. Katara filled the silence.
“I don’t always think about it a lot, you know,” she started, her tone hesitant. “With how much we’re dealing with, it’s hard to find time to dedicate to grieving so I… I don’t. When it really bothers me, I try not to focus on mourning but on the good things about Jet. I make a list in my head, sort of, just thinking about all the times we had together. Even the bad things he did had good intentions behind them. He wasn’t the most thoughtful person in the world, but he was a great person. I really think he could’ve been an incredible leader someday.”
“He already was.” Zuko blinked, glancing over to Katara, and shifting his arms more comfortably. He didn’t know what else to say. Not because he had no good memories of Jet, but because even just that one night had formed so many, he couldn’t decide where to start. “Listen, Katara, we’ve all lost people in this war, and I think that alone puts it into perspective. We know what we’re risking in fighting this battle but we do it anyway. Jet knew those risks too. He was willing to die for his people to be free. You know that. If nothing else, I think it’s fucking honorable what he achieved and what he still wanted to do.”
“Me too.” Katara nodded slowly, sniffing as she turned to look at Zuko, who somehow convinced himself to meet her upset gaze. “I just wish I had a chance to tell him that before…”
Her voice trailed off as she turned away and looked up toward the moon, shaking her head and letting out a soft sigh. Zuko hesitated before he moved, again unsure of the proper social etiquette in the situation. The only reason he managed to convince himself to go through with the embrace was because he knew that was what Katara would’ve done for him. Because it was what she did for him. Zuko adjusted his arms awkwardly, holding Katara close through the grieving silence. They lost Jet. That was something they would never be able to change. But it didn’t have to mean they lost everything.
“I know he’s gone now,” Zuko began, trying his best to sound encouraging, “but we can still finish what he started. We’re going to defeat my father, take control for ourselves, and try to reverse the damage my family has done. Jet’s sacrifice won’t be for nothing. We’re going to do this for him. I know we will. And maybe he’s not here to see it, but you know there’s no better way to honor his life.”
“You’re right.” They held each other for another long second before Katara pulled away, her gaze meeting Zuko’s and not so much as wavering. “We just have to trust we can make that happen.”
Zuko only nodded. He didn’t want to think too hard about what might happen if they couldn’t.