Chapter Text
“Who would have known how
bittersweet this would taste?…”
In a matter of seconds, it was as if every last drop of blood had drained from Santana’s body. Her frame was rigid and looked like it would never drift a single inch again. Everything around the girl was becoming a disoriented haze. A lump was aggressively choking out the words threatening to escape the female’s throat, killing them off effectively. This could not be happening. How in the ever-living fuck was this happening? Santana had always been so careful by never letting her legitimately precious façade crack.
And yet the truth's right in front of her; presented in a revolting, bullshit political campaign advertisement. The reputation and universe Santana had created was utterly destroyed. Grueling years of constantly repressing feelings and shoving her real identity aside had all gone to waste in a matter of a few seconds.
This. Could. Not. Be. Happening.
Suddenly reality comes back to the forefront, and tears are spilling down caramel-toned cheeks. A shuddering breath leaves Santana while her head shakes, eyes still looking at the screen. Words finally slip past and echo what her mind had been screaming the entire time.
“I can’t believe this is happening...”
Obvious pain was radiating in the girl’s voice. It was clear enough to cause Sue Sylvester of all people to express genuine, unfiltered sympathy.
“I’m so sorry-“
This appalling moment kept Santana from successfully keeping her composure. She couldn’t handle being in this godforsaken room anymore. She couldn’t handle being in this shitty excuse for a school anymore. She couldn’t handle being in this grossly ignorant state. As strong as the female was, this exact situation was something she had feared deeper than words could express. The fear seeped inside the very moment she realized that she was undeniably into girls.
“I haven’t even told my parents yet!”
And with that painful exclamation, Santana begins running away. Feet hurriedly carry her out of the office and down the toxic hallways of William McKinley High School. Already, a faint burning sensation was beginning to rise to the surface. Santana blindly makes her way through the halls, sobs easily heard. There was no real destination in mind; everything was still far too overwhelming. Coincidentally, Santana runs past Brittany’s class. And even more coincidentally, in those same seconds, the blonde had been lazily averting her gaze to the classroom’s door. Her bright, bright blue eyes widen immediately as she witnesses Santana running aimlessly. After a few immensely uncomfortable seconds pass, Brittany raises her hand for permission to leave the room and does so as soon as possible.
Brittany had a feeling about where Santana’s path went. Straight to the school’s wheelchair ramp entrance. The girl probably needed air. It would also help prevent the possibility of someone being nosey. Eavesdropping can really suck if you aren’t the one doing it. That was just awkward and like the least comforting thing to deal with at that moment. Plus, there was also that every other student was (most likely) inside the school since the current class period had just begun. So, it wasn’t a bad idea.
Sure enough, Brittany’s spark of intuition was correct. It was usually correct when it pertained to Santana. The blonde liked to consider herself the one true expert on the other female. And she honestly wouldn’t accept any other people’s thoughts or interjections. Her love for Santana was unlike anything else she’d experienced in the entirety of her life. It was better than singing any song in glee club, better than nailing any challenging dance routine, and it was better than being the lead in any performance that exists. It’s stronger then every single well-trained muscle enclosed within Brittany’s frame.
The love that Brittany felt was, like, its own unique thing, unable to be topped by anything or anyone. Well, except maybe Santana herself. But that’s just how Santana was. The defier of every single exception possible. However, these thoughts immediately silence themselves the instant Brittany sees the girl she loved so dearly crumbling to pieces as if she were a cookie.
“Santana, what happened?”
The blonde decided not to assume anything and go the easy route when it came to asking questions. Her voice was gentle, and the words that had left were dripping heavier with concern with every passing syllable. Santana turns as soon as she hears the familiar timbre that Brittany’s voice held. Her face was painted with tears and her eyes looked almost as broken as her spirit.
“Everyone knows, Britt. Everyone fucking knows!”
Santana’s voice was angry but also soaked thoroughly with pain. And because of that, Brittany knows not to let the harshness of the other affect her negatively. She walks closer to the raven-haired girl and purposely begins to reply to Santana in a level voice.
“Everyone knows what? Whatever it is, I’ll be here for you.”
“Everyone knows that... Everyone knows that I’m... gay. They all fucking know it! Telling people is supposed to be MY choice!”
Brittany’s eyes widen and faintly gleam with sorrow as she listens to Santana vent. She looked like she wanted to punch something until her hand broke into pieces. Yet, the other also looked like she wanted to cry until she physically couldn’t do so anymore. Instinctively, Brittany’s feet move her over to Santana, and her arms wrap around the other girl lovingly. Her voice has a noticeable tinge of sadness but still allows itself to stay gentle and soothing.
“It’s gonna be okay. And if everyone decides to leave, then they’re just missing out on the awesomeness of Santana Lopez. I’ll be here, and I don’t care what people say. I love you, Santana. You can make my heart all smiley-- like it’s my face. That proves just how awesome you are.”
Santana’s anger usually wouldn’t have shifted. But there was something so undeniably grounding about the way Brittany spoke and caressed her shorter frame. It made all the different hardships cease to exist for a few moments. And as a completely natural bonus, the last few words earn a soft laugh out of the Latina. She then grips Brittany and hides in her neck for a few seconds, gently taking in the blonde’s calming scent.
“I don’t know, Britt. I think you might be the more awesome one. Obviously, I’m totally fucking awesome; that’s always been true. But, I think you beat me. I mean, who else would say that their heart's all smiley? I think that’s pretty awesome.”
Santana tilts her head and kisses Brittany, interrupting herself. Said kiss is warm and tender; lips brushing together like a pair of butterflies. For a beautiful yet faint moment, both girls feel a sense of peace and serenity. And then it comes to a sudden halt when Santana begins to cry once more. She tried to stifle that feeling of despair, but it was still lingering. Brittany pulls away lightly to stroke Santana’s cheek while gently cooing in her ear. She stays silent for a moment in case Santana wanted to speak. And that’s exactly what the other does.
“I love you so much, Brittany. You know that I do. And I want to be your girlfriend so badly. But I don’t know if I can do this. I don’t know how I’m supposed to deal with this. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”
Sharp twinges radiate through Brittany’s heart as she hears the words falling off Santana’s perfect lips. She hadn’t ever seen the, usually confident and relentless, Santana so doubt-ridden before. This whole situation was breaking Santana apart, and it made the blonde so sad. And so unbelievably angry. This wasn’t fair at all. Nobody should get to hurt her Santana like this. Nobody.
“You’re like the most strongest girl I’ve ever met, San. You can do this. And I don’t really know what you’re supposed to do. But, I love you. No matter what. And my heart’s always gonna smile for you, okay?”
Santana simply nods and clings to Brittany’s taller frame, tears still falling softly. She takes in a series of deep breaths and listens to the other girl’s breathing. It was relaxing. Brittany herself was relaxing. If Brittany hadn’t then, well, to put it simply, Santana knew something bad would have happened. She didn’t know exactly what that would have been, but she knew herself well enough to know that it would have been pretty bad.
Once Santana felt like she could pull away, she does so and looks up to Brittany, grinning softly as she speaks playfully.
“Aren’t you supposed to be in like history class or something? Since when do you ditch?”
“Since I saw that the love of my life needed me there with her.”
There was an adorably goofy smile on Brittany’s face as she spoke with absolute certainty. Santana hadn’t expected the blonde to respond with that at all. But it wasn’t unwanted in any sense.
“Touché Britt, touché. Still, you should probably go back. And so should I. I don’t want you getting in trouble for helping me with my shit.”
Brittany hushes Santana and gives her a brief kiss, blue eyes shutting comfortably. She pulls away soon after with a slightly confused look on her face as she recalls a particular word that Santana had used.
“Wait, what does touché mean? I forgot.”
This causes Santana to laugh, and as a result, she naturally hugs Brittany tighter. The blonde pouts softly as the other girl laughs happily, not understanding what was so funny about her question.
“Seriously, Santana, what does it mean?”
“It means that I love you so, so much and that I want to be with you forever. And it also means that we have to get inside.”
Brittany’s brows furrow deeper in confusion, which only prompts Santana to laugh further. The blonde decides to just go with it and whispers a soft ‘I love you too.’ along with pressing a soft kiss to a caramel-toned cheek.
As Brittany moves to re-enter the building, Santana yanks her back abruptly. Her eyes lock with Brittany’s own for a long moment, and they mutually shimmer with devotion. Santana then gives her a little boop on the nose just to see the other show off her breathtaking smile. The blonde extends a pinkie for Santana to take and smiles even wider when she feels their pinkies interlock. The pair then make their way back inside, and Santana feels a pleasant sense of security wash over her. Despite what anyone may say to her or about her, she’d always have the undying comfort of Brittany loving her wholeheartedly.
Moments of overwhelming doubt weren’t exactly typical for Santana, but it seemed like Brittany was always there in some way or another when they occurred. A fresh injection filled with that specific comfort was more than enough to remind the Latina of who she truly was. She wasn’t timid, weak, or a pushover. She was Santana fucking Lopez of Lima Heights. Nobody was going to permanently kill her wilfulness. Santana was and always will be the hottest, baddest bitch at McKinley, lesbian or not. And nobody was going to take that away from her, either.
Santana turns her head to glance at Brittany and feels the return of that beautifully bright smile. She gives the blonde’s pinkie a soft squeeze while a simple sentence is spoken.
“I love you.”