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Life is not without its ups and downs. This was a lesson that Darren and Chris learned the hard way. There was a time when they were idealistic and thought that nothing could ever go wrong in their lives. And then it did. That is the story that everyone knows.
“Former Glee Co-Stars Married.” That was the front page title, or some variant, on every entertainment magazine and social media site worldwide.
“ Darren Criss and Chris Colfer have been married since before Glee finished filming. ” The article would go on to talk about how both were in long-term relationships with other people and the hell they went through while those relationships were happening.
After they made their marriage public, though, things changed. There were fans that were upset with both of them. There were fans that were ecstatic. And there were a ton of fans who resurfaced, having left from the utter bullshit that had been their time apart.
Nobody was happier about the story breaking than the two men it was about. They didn’t have to hide anymore or sneak around. They got to live.
After the main chaos died down and the initial round of interviews were complete, both decided, along with their management teams—Darren’s completely new people who supported them both—to take a year off to heal.
They found a therapist for Darren to see and a different one to see them as a couple while Chris continued to see the one he had been seeing. This was the first and most important step in rebuilding what they’d started all those years ago.
Once they started mending, healing, and rebuilding, they were really able to start loving. Not that love had ever been an issue, per se. It had, however, always had an expiration on it. They would have a night or two, three if they were very, very lucky, to be together before one or the other was called away.
Usually, it was Darren who was being called away for one thing or another. Now, though, their time was limitless. They would both have to go back to work, of course, but for now, they could simply be together.
“Chris?” Darren asked one night after they’d watched the sunset from their spot on the beach behind their new home.
“Yes, love?” Chris asked as he ran his fingers through Darren’s luscious curls.
“Thank you,” Darren replied.
Chris chuckled and kissed his husband’s temple. “You know you don’t have to thank me every day.”
“I do, though,” Darren said. They’d somewhat discussed this in therapy, though Darren had finally figured out what it was he was really thanking Chris for. “You saw me when nobody else did. You saw who I was underneath and not the goofy persona I displayed for everyone because I was scared to death of disapproval. You saw what they did to me more than I did and did what you could to mend me when I was able to be with you. You see me, Chris. And I will never be more grateful for that for as long as we live. So, that’s why I thank you every day. Not just for saving me and loving me, but most importantly, for seeing the real me.”
Chris had tears streaming down his face. He saw Darren. He always had. “You’re welcome,” Chris whispered, knowing that he couldn’t talk louder. He vowed then and there that when Darren thanked him from now on, because he knew this would be a daily thing for them for the rest of their lives, he would always and forevermore respond with, “You’re welcome.”
They stayed outside for about an hour longer, watching the stars appear in the sky before they headed inside. As they showered together and then got ready for bed, something that had come up in therapy that day was on their minds.
“Have you been intimate since you got back together?” their therapist, Terry, asked.
“We haven’t,” Darren answered.
“Is there a reason?” Terry asked.
“There is,” Chris replied.
“When we first got back together, everything was so chaotic that it felt a little too much like our lives before the news of our relationship broke,” Darren explained.
“And then, we were so focused on all of this that we decided we wanted to make sure that what we had wasn’t just about sex,” Chris continued. “We’ve kissed, of course, and we sleep in the same bed, but nothing else has happened.”
“Do you feel like you’re ready for things to progress?” Terry inquired. “I’m not pushing you by any means. The two of you are the only ones who can know when and if you’re ready. I guess I’m just opening the door for communication to begin about what it would look like when you are ready.”
Chris was wrapped around Darren’s back, being his big spoon, when he whispered into his ear, “I’ve been thinking about what Terry said today.”
Darren inhaled and held his breath. He didn’t want to hope at where this conversation was going. It had been so long, and he’d missed being intimate with his husband.
“With Terry and both of our individual therapists, we’ve been able to heal most of the trauma of what we’ve lived through,” Chris continued. “I want to try if you do.”
Darren burst out in tears and began sobbing. Chris knew why, too, without having to say anything. He knew Darren had been missing the intimacy and connection they’d had before. Both of them knew it would be easier to pick up where they left off, even though it wouldn’t be healthy. They had both decided, however, that they wanted to be healthy in all aspects of their lives before adding sex back in.
“I love you so much, Darren,” Chris said. “I see how hard you’ve been working and the healing that you’ve been doing. I see the scars, and while I will never like how they got there, they only make you more beautiful. I see you, baby, and I love everything I see.”
“Thank you,” Darren replied and looked into Chris’s eyes. What he saw there made him gasp. He saw pure and raw love. It’s not that when he looked into his husband’s eyes that he didn’t regularly see it. There was just something different about this look, something deeper and fiercer.
“Do you want to go make some new memories?” Chris whispered, the fire burning inside of him.
Darren nodded, worried that if he actually spoke, he might choke on his words. Chris stood up and grabbed Darren’s hand to pull him up. Once they were standing in front of each other, Chris surged forward with a fierce kiss, diving his tongue deep into Darren’s mouth and claiming it in a way he never had before.
“Mine,” Chris growled.
“Yours,” Darren whined, trying to keep up with his husband.
They kissed for several minutes, relearning each other’s mouths in the most intimate of ways. This was kissing like they hadn’t done since they’d been back together. This kissing was leading somewhere, and both of their hearts were pounding in anticipation and excitement.
When the kiss broke, Darren and Chris stared into each other’s eyes. Both were looking for the same thing: fear. When no fear was found, Chris led Darren to their bedroom and ravished his mouth again. He was trying not to think too much about the past and how long it had been, but one conversation was popping up in his mind.
“I need to get tested,” Darren said a few days after he’d been home with Chris. “I have no idea if I have anything, and now that my mind is clear… I…”
“Shhh,” Chris said, running his fingers through Darren’s curls and kissing his temple. “You don’t have to explain if you don’t want to.”
“I think I need to,” Darren whispered. “Not in detail. Hell, I don’t even remember much of what happened. She always had me so drugged up, or I was so hammered to get through life that I have no memory of what we did or didn’t do or if either of us thought to be safe.”
“We’ll go first thing in the morning,” Chris said once Darren seemed to be all out of words. “You can go by yourself if you--”
“Please, come with me,” Darren pleaded, looking into Chris’s eyes and appearing more terrified than Chris had ever seen him.
“I won’t leave your side,” Chris said and kissed his husband once again, hoping to soothe his frayed nerves.
The couple went to their doctor the following day and had the blood tests done. Thankfully, the clinic they went to had a rapid HIV test that came back negative. A few days later, Darren got a phone call that he had tested positive for an STI and that it would be easily treatable with medication. Darren beat himself up for weeks about it, and it was only with the help of his therapist and Chris that he could heal emotionally from the news.
When their kiss finally broke again, they were both panting. Chris’s hands were slightly shaky as he lifted up Darren’s t-shirt. He tossed it on the ground beside them and ran his fingers all over Darren’s chest, mapping out his skin. Chris leaned in and started placing kisses where he had run his fingers.
Darren felt like his skin was on fire in the best ways. With each new kiss Chris placed on his chest, he felt like he was being set ablaze and he knew that by the end of the day, he would rise like a phoenix, ready to start the rest of his life with his husband. By the time Chris had finished covering Darren’s newly uncovered skin in kisses, Darren was panting and whining.
“Please, you, too,” he whined.
“Take my shirt off of me, Darren,” Chris commanded.
The command helped, and Darren’s breaths became easier. He looked into Chris’s eyes and said, “I trust you. You know my limits.”
As Darren lifted Chris’s shirt off of him, both thought about what had just happened and how this dynamic that they so easily found themselves in had never really been explored in depth. They both knew that it was something they wanted, and after this, depending on how it went, they would need to sit down and have a serious conversation about it and how far they wanted to take it.
The sight of Chris shirtless never ceased to amaze Darren. Chris was toned and had just the right amount of chest hair making his mouth water. Darren looked up, silently asking permission, and with the slight nod from Chris, he laved kisses and licks all over the canvas that was Chris’s chest.
Chris let Darren take his time and kiss his body as much as he wanted. As Darren straightened back up, Chris took a small step closer to him and kissed his lips gently. As much as both of them wanted to jump right into bed, they both wanted to savor this moment. This was their reconnection, and neither one of them wanted to rush it. They had rushed too many things in their past out of necessity, and this time, they would take their time.
After they had explored each other’s mouths again for several minutes, Chris began slowly backing Darren toward the bed. Once the back of his knees hit the mattress, Chris stopped them and reached for Darren’s pants. Since they had been lounging earlier, they were both just in comfortable pants, Darren in sweats and Chris in yoga pants. Chris hooked his thumb and index finger into the band of Darren’s sweats, hooking his boxer briefs, too, and slowly lowered them and himself to the floor. Darren held onto Chris’s shoulders to step out of his pants and braced himself for what he knew was going to happen next.
Chris stared at the sight in front of him. He could tell that Darren was just about ready to cum and decided that maybe they both needed to take the edge off so that they could make love without having to worry about their stamina. That’s going to be fun to work on. Without warning Darren at all, Chris took his cock deep in his mouth, only stopping once his nose was buried in the well-kept patch of hair at the base of his cock.
“Fuck. Chris. I love you,” Darren shouted and laced his fingers through Chris’s hair. He was cumming in an instant, filling Chris’s mouth with everything he had to offer.
The taste that flowed into his mouth, along with his own hand, had Chris spilling all over the carpet. We’ll definitely need to clean that up before the dogs get in here. He was broken out of his thoughts when he heard crying coming from above him. Chris was worried that he had done something wrong. What, he had no idea. He was happy to see, though, when he really looked at Darren, that they were tears of relief and love and hope.
“May I return the favor?” Darren asked through the tears, looking at his husband with so much adoration that it made Chris’s breath hitch.
“That sounds lovely,” Chris replied sheepishly. “I, um, I sort of already came. You taste even better than I remember.”
“We really need to work on our stamina,” Darren laughed.
“There’s no time like the present,” Chris said and pushed Darren back onto the bed, trailing kisses up his bare legs. He stopped at Darren’s favorite places, nipping and sucking marks into his skin, reclaiming every single inch of him as his.
Their love making was slow and passionate, then for their third round, it was fast and dirty. By the time they fell asleep that night, their bodies were sore in the best ways, and they couldn’t wait to find out what tomorrow brought.
Things were never like they were when they first met. They were better. Now that they didn’t have to hide or lie or sneak around, they thrived more than either one of them could have ever imagined they would.
“ As we sit in our rocking chairs, watching another gorgeous California sunset, we’re reminded of where our story started and what happened that got us to where we are. Would we change any of it? The answer might surprise you. We wouldn’t. Everything that has happened in our lives has shaped us into the people we are today, and without them, we have no way of knowing who we would be. Do we wish that all of those years of turmoil and hurt would have been different? Absolutely. Can we do anything about it now? Sort of. We can’t go back and change the past. What we can do, though, is make sure our story is out there so that others might be able to learn from it and hope that the next people put in the positions we were can make different decisions for themselves. ”
“You’re a talented writer, Mr. Criss-Colfer,” Darren said as he read the introduction to his husband’s newest book.
“Telling our story was everything I ever hoped it would be,” Chris said. “It was cathartic in ways I had never imagined it would be, and I know deep in my soul that it is going to change the way people see Hollywood and the relationships that they worship so much.”
“I love you, Chris,” Darren said as he stood up and pulled Chris up in front of him.
“I love you, too, Darren,” Chris said and placed a passionate kiss onto his husband’s lips, thankful everyday for this wonderful man in front of him.