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Caden hated how familiar these four walls were becoming to him. His mum had spent a lot of time in the same room, but that was always because of something that she had done. Caden, however, had done nothing wrong, and as he wiped the tears away with the back of his hand he couldn't help but think about how completely unfair it was that he was the one being called into the Deputy Head's office. It did not help that the Deputy Head was his very own grandfather, that was for sure.
"Maybe I should send for your mum…" Neville said quietly as he handed Caden a tissue and the Slytherin boy could only be glad that the man hadn't tried to wrap his arms around him. Caden was pretty sure that he would have exploded if that happened. It wasn't that he hated being held, it was that there were few people that he liked touching him especially when he was upset and his grandparents didn't make that list.
"Please don't." He croaked out. His mum had enough on her plate and the last thing he wanted that evening was for her to get into an argument with her father, his teacher, about how the school wasn't doing enough to keep him safe.
"Caden… She needs to know what's happened today…" A sigh escaped the man and Caden met his gaze with a glare. It wouldn’t help anyone if they told her. His black eye had been healed by his grandmother - and he'd only gone to her because he knew that if Emery or Nova saw him battered and bruised then they would have frog-marched him there before he had a chance to even open his mouth.
"I'll floo call her tomorrow. I can use your floo, right? But it's late, Professor. If she's not already awake with the babies then don't you think it's best to let her sleep?" Caden just wanted out of that office, to hide his head under his covers back in his room and to pretend that this day had never happened, that he had never dared to be himself in a school that clearly was still not ready for it.
"Fine. We'll talk to her tomorrow." Neville nodded and Caden tried not to let out a groan as he realised that his grandfather was going to be present for at least part of the conversation. He couldn't blame him, he supposed. He knew that Neville was doing the best that he could to rebuild a relationship with his daughter, even after all these years. Hiding something like his grandson getting pummeled was unlikely to earn him any points in that department.
"Can I go now?" Caden had to ask. He had to get out of there before his grandfather tried to bond more or whatever this misguided attempt was.
"I'll walk you back to your dorm." Neville said as he made to stand up.
"No!" Caden didn't mean to yell and he squeezed his eyes shut tightly for a moment before he slowly shook his head. "No, I don't need babysitting. I'm sure everyone's in bed by now anyway. I can make my own way back."
Neville let out a sigh but he gave a defeated nod and Caden was glad, at least in that moment, that he reminded the professor of his daughter. It at least meant that he wasn't going to attempt to argue with him. "I'll check in with you tomorrow, Caden."
Caden just nodded before he stood up, exiting the office without another word. His eyes were on his feet as he walked, but no more was he able to enjoy the swishing of the long skirt the way he had before. It was the very reason that he had been knocked to the ground and had fists and feet connecting with his face and ribs.
In fact, Caden felt sick as he walked through the halls of Hogwarts and even though he knew that he should have headed for the dungeons where he could practically hear his bed calling his name, he found himself heading up to the seventh floor instead. It wasn't that he didn't feel safe in the Slytherin dorms, though the fear of being hit for being who he was was still prevalent. No, Caden just wanted some peace and quiet. His uncle James had told him about how he had used the Room of Requirement for many things during his time at school, but Caden just thought of the room as his safe space.
He did find that when he got there that the room appeared to already be in use and he found himself praying that it wasn't Emery or Nova, though those were probably the only two people that he could have faced that evening. Caden made himself take a deep breath before he pushed the door open. A small voice at the back of his mind was screaming at him that he needed to turn around and go to bed, but he ignored it.
"There you are!" Emery's overly enthusiastic voice made Caden flinch as he stared up at his best friend, his eyes probably as wide as they ever could go. He didn't mean to give the deer in headlights appearance but he knew that Emery's cheery tone was probably just a cover up for his worry over Caden when he hadn't been able to find him that evening.
"And look at the state of him." A sigh escaped Nova and even though Caden knew that it had nothing to do with the skirt, that she didn't care what he wore as long as he was happy, he dropped his eyes down to the floor which he wished would open up and swallow him whole. He also wished that he could just tear the horrid piece of fabric off of his body and throw it to the ground, maybe even set it on fire, but his clothes were down in the dungeons and somehow he reckoned that walking through Hogwarts without anything on his lower body was worse than his skirt.
“Cades?” Emery’s hand was on his upper arm in a moment but Caden pushed him away and let himself drop onto one of the beanbags that was lying around, his arms wrapping around his legs as he drew them up to his chest. “What happened?”
“Does it matter?” Caden whispered, already fighting back tears and knowing that if even one single tear managed to break through then he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from full on sobbing. He couldn’t have explained what had happened to him even if he wanted to - and he didn’t particularly want Nova to go on the warpath. “I want to go home.” He didn’t know how true those words were until he said them.
“I’m sure if you talk to your granddad he’ll be able to arrange for you to visit your mum this weekend?” Emery suggested as he sat on the beanbag next to Caden, though he didn’t touch him this time and Caden wasn’t sure whether this was a good thing or not. There was so much that he wasn’t sure of.
“No, I don’t mean to visit. I mean I don’t want to be here. I want to get out of here and never come back.” Caden kept his voice as even as he possibly could but that took far more energy than he had left and he could feel himself shaking with the effort. He closed his eyes tightly in an attempt to push the tears further down before he let himself continue. “I miss my mum, the babies, Lorc, Nini… Fuck, I really need to talk to em.”
“You need a good night’s sleep…” Emery said quietly.
Caden shot him a glare, anger flashing across his face that Emery would dare tell him what he needed when Caden had been through an ordeal such as the one that he had - though he knew that Emery didn’t actually know what had happened that day. None of this was his fault.
“You don’t understand, Em. You don’t - as much as I want you to get it, you don’t. I can’t be me here. It’s not safe. My own fucking grandfather is the deputy head and I’m not fucking safe. I can’t even express how I feel without someone trying to kick my head in.” Caden swallowed thickly before he shook his head. “This is why I need Enzo. This is why I need to talk to em. Because ey does get it. Ey understands me, ey understands what’s going on in my head more than I do.”
“Slow down, Caden. What are you trying to say?” Nova asked slowly and Caden could hear the frown in her voice, he didn’t need to look at her to know that it was sitting there on her features.
“I just wanted to wear a skirt.” Caden whispered as he rested his forehead on his knees so that he wouldn’t have to look at the faces of either of his best friends. “For all of five minutes it let me feel like I was me and then that was taken away from me.” He swallowed thickly before deciding that he might as well just tell them the very thing that terrified him the most about himself. He knew that they wouldn’t care, that they would love him no matter what, but even though he had known it for a long time he had still never said it aloud to anyone before. “I just want to exist without having a gender forced on me. I just want to exist without a gender at all.”
Emery’s arms were wrapped around him in the next moment and that was all the permission that Caden’s eyes and lungs needed to let out the tears and the sobs that he had been trying so hard to hold back. Nova didn’t say anything, but that was probably for the best as she was no doubt busy plotting the deaths of anyone who had even looked at Caden the wrong way that day and any day before.
Caden let himself fall against Emery’s chest, let his friend support him and comfort him as he cried it out and entertained thoughts of living the remainder of his Hogwarts days right here in the Room of Requirement.