Chapter Text
Fatefully, I tried to pick my battles 'til the battle picked me. Misery, like the war of words I shouted in my sleep
Everything was like starting from scratch. The last battle decimated everything she had and more, but her pain did not lie in the material. No. Her pain focused on the people she lost and the constant memory that she had lost her family not just once or twice, she had lost everything for the third time in her life.
Recovering from the emotional pain that invaded her entire body was not an easy thing, the first weeks she simply sat under that tree and did nothing more to see how time passed, her body and soul were too numb to do anything else.
A year after Eren's death, the pain continued to invade her body until paralyzing her, and she did not want to continue in this world, but she knew that she should not die. If she died, not only the memory of him but of all the people she loved would leave with her, and that should not happen. She had to live with pride and with her head held high, for her parents, for Grisha, Carla, Sasha, Hange and all of her fallen companions of hers.
During the second year, she learned something very important. Life is about ups and downs. Some days were terribly difficult, her guilt and pain did not leave her mind alone. Some were more bearable and some were good. She learned that pain is not eternal, not always the ghosts of the past were going to push her to the bottom.
Actually, I always felt I must look better in the rearview
Now, three years later, everything about her had changed. After everything that happened, she didn't want to fight anymore, so she retired from the army. And she began to live the life she always wanted to have, away from war and away from conflict. She had managed to build a small hut in a small town on the outskirts of Shiganshina and little by little she began to consider it her home. As she was no longer a soldier, she had a lot of free time for her, she went back to doing the things that made her happy during her childhood in her little home with her parents. She filled her free time by tending her garden, her little garden, and doing embroidery that her mother had taught her to do when she was still a child.
At first, she had started doing all those things as an escape method, to have her thoughts elsewhere and not torment her head thinking about the possible scenarios that her life would have had if the things had turned out differently. But now they were activities and hobbies that she loved to do, she loved the peace that was slowly coming back to her life and, most of the time, she no longer felt haunted by the memories.
And you passed right by, I was in the alley, surrounded on all sides
During those three years she had managed to keep in touch with her friends. Because they were constantly moving across the continent and were not permanently in their Marleyan residence, it was difficult for her reply letters to reach their addressee. However, Armin's letters were never lacking, he counted all the diplomatic advances they made in each country they visited. But what she most appreciated were the written details of their daily life, his details about his love life with Annie, the anecdotes with Connie and Reiner, the jokes between Jean and Pieck, those little details were what filled her heart. .
And speaking of letters, there was someone with whom she did not imagine that she would receive correspondence...
Jean.
At first, she was surprised that someone besides Armin wanted to keep in touch with her. After everything she had done, after she had left them completely alone dealing with the mess Eren caused. But still, she allowed herself to be selfish and enjoy this new closeness with him.
With the arrival of the first letter, and still haunted by her past, her first reaction was why is she writing this to me? But now she was grateful, she found that writing to Jean was something really nice, she felt she could be herself.
Throughout her years in the Legion of Recognition, she knew about the opinion that others had of her. Her abilities as a soldier created a gap between her companions. However, this new closeness to him warmed her numb heart. And like Armin, he told her about his life on the continent, about the new cities that he had visited and the new cultures that she had known. Although that was only a small part of the things they wrote, they, too, had learned to vent to each other. They had found comfort in each other.
It was not a secret that the war had left its aftermath in each of them, and nightmares and intrusive thoughts were not something new, and having someone to talk to about those subjects was comforting. Through the letters, they had created an even greater bond than they had in their Legion days and that made her happy, and she hoped Jean would be happy about it too.
And that is how she received two letters ten days ago, one from Armin and one from Jean, and both agreed on one detail: the new ambassadors for peace would soon be in Paradis. It had been so long, so long, and she would finally see them all again.
Then came the D-Day, like every anniversary she did her routine. She would wear her black scarf and sit under the tree on the hill where Eren rested. She would sit down and talk to him a bit, she would tell him the good news; their friends would soon be coming to visit him.
On her way to the hill, she noticed the undeniable growth that the island had had over time, with the help of Hizuru and their allies who had not fallen before the rumbling, Paradis was gradually increasing the technological advances and in the quality of life of their habitants. Even in her small town, modern things were arriving from the continent, the latest novelty was a small place in which they served tea with herbs brought from Shungo, a country so far from Paradis that its inhabitants did not find out about the rumbling until several days after it stopped. She hadn't visited that cafe yet, but she planned to go once her friends settled on the island.
And he's passing by rare as the glimmer of a comet in the sky, and he feels like home
“Mikasa!”
She felt a voice calling out her name, the sun was already hiding behind the hills, bathing everything around her in orange hues. She raised her head, and then she saw them. Finally, After so long, they were finally back home.
She got up from her resting place and, without bothering to brush the dust off her skirt, she ran into the arms of her best friend and noticed that he was also running towards her. Her tears ran down her cheeks and she didn't care that others saw her cry, she had spent so much time, and she just wanted to hug Armin.
They were attached like magnets for a few minutes until she felt the voices of the others approaching them, she slowly separated herself from her best friend of hers and looked at the rest of them. They had all changed in those three years, and she was so happy to see them. And then the moment of reunion began. She shared such an awkward hug with Annie that lasted just a few seconds, then Connie, Reiner and Pieck. And she finally saw him...
Jean was coming after all of them.
And she could not explain where that sudden attack of courage came from, but without wasting a second and without thinking if such a show of affection could make him uncomfortable, she held him in her arms. Her heart fluttered when she felt how he returned her hug. Being in his arms felt good, it was like being in a safe place. She found that she could be between them for the rest of her life, and she never wanted to let go of him again. How good and liberating it felt, it was as if she had always belonged there.
She didn't know if minutes or seconds passed, but finally they broke apart and looked into each other's eyes. He had changed during the time he was not in Paradis, she could assure that he had grown an inch more and his hair was now longer… Something in his aura, too, had changed, there was something more mature about him, but still in her eyes she could tell that he was still the same Jean as always.
Someone she learned to trust even in the most difficult moments. He was still the same boy that she at some point met and learned to see beyond a simple comrade.
Now I'm all about you. I'm all about you
“Welcome home Jean”.
She said it in a low enough tone that she wondered if he managed to hear her, all her doubts were resolved when she received a smile in return. Without saying more, she led his friends back up the hill. When they were halfway, she felt Pieck entangle her arm with hers and heard her speak.
“Mikasa, do you know if Jean has any lover around here? He spent hours and hours in front of the mirror, fixing his hair.” she said dramatically. “I swear if more time passed, he would end up marrying himself.”
She looked at the girl shorter than her with a surprised expression, feeling her cheeks blush, and turned to see the others. Everyone except Jean shared knowing glances and laughed. While he looked at her with his eyes so wide open and his cheeks painted in an intense red. Mikasa just smiled.
Long story short, it was a bad time. Long story short, I survived