Chapter Text
Time was a funny thing.
The weekend Sam was supposed to spend helping Dean look for their Dad before returning to Stanford never ended. The divine apocalypse Sam and Dean stopped allowed the world to continue relatively unscathed. All the stuff after that with Metatron and Amara, tablets and trials, marks and spears, angels and demons never slowed time down. Time just kept on spinning.
Time was an especially funny thing when it took a small two-hour road trip to travel a distance Sam had been meaning to go for a long time. Almost two and a half years, if Sam was remembering correctly.
The drive was smooth and about as picturesque as one could take on a warm June night. Eileen had the windows rolled down and her hair was blowing in the breeze as they pulled down the long lane that led to the farmhouse. The tires crunched over the dirt and rocks of Apple Blossom Lane. Dusk was settling around them and fireflies illuminated both sides of the drive. The heat from the early summer day was slowly dissipating leaving behind the promise of a cool evening. It was the perfect night for a drive to visit family and Sam was so glad they decided to come tonight instead of waiting until the following afternoon like they had originally planned.
Eileen parked the car in front of the two-story farmhouse. Soft lights filtered through the windows making the house look cozy and serene. Sam could hear crickets and frogs singing from the nearby pond now that the crunch off tires overturning gravel had stopped.
The house had transformed since the first time he had laid eyes on it. Curling paint and broken shutters had once decorated the exterior of house. The house had looked sad and pitiful when he had first viewed it. A lifetime of neglect had made the house looked like it was hunched over in sadness and shame. Vines and bushes had overrun the place nearly hiding it altogether. Now, thanks to the gentle ministrations from Cas and long hours of repair from Dean, the farmhouse stood proud and emitted a warm glow. A true reflection of the little family that lived inside her.
Sam had barely gotten out of the car when he heard the front door open and out came Dean and Cas with Jack in tow. The smell of burgers wafted through the air as Sam and Eileen ascended the front steps onto the large front porch. Sam felt his stomach growl in anticipation. Yep, he was definitely glad they came tonight.
After brief greetings, claps on the back, and hugs to go around, Sam and Dean made their way back to the car while Cas and Eileen stood under the porch lights. They were too busy gossiping to care that the brothers had departed to start unloading the car. Cas was smiling as he signed one-handed to Eileen with a sleepy Jack perched in his hip. Jack’s eyes kept fluttering closed and his sandy hair was tucked into Cas’ neck. Sam shouldered Eileen’s duffle from it’s place in the backseat and grabbed the handle of his own. They had a few more bags in the trunk but Sam was hit with another waft of the burgers and he felt the growl of hunger deep in his stomach even more this time.
“Dean, should I bring everything in tonight or can we wait until tomorrow to unload?” Sam asked.
“We can probably wait until tomorrow if you want. Just grab whatever you’ll need for tonight. Dinner’s almost done and I made a whole spread including burgers. After that, we’ll get you settled in.”
Dean glanced back up the porch and Sam followed his line of sight. A smirk hit Dean’s face and he continued, “I don’t know if Jack will last much longer unless we get some food in him anyway.”
Cas and Eileen were so deep in conversation that they didn’t notice Sam and Dean rejoin them on the porch until they were standing nearly on top of them. Sam leaned forward to drop an unsuspecting kiss to Eileen’s cheek which made her cheeks flush slightly pink and her smile stretch even wider. When she turned towards him to return a chaste kiss, Sam couldn’t help but stare because of how breathtaking she looked.
Sam managed to tear his eyes away from Eileen to see Dean had his hand resting on Cas’s shoulder and chuckling at whatever Cas had just said to him. The laugh lines around his mouth and eyes crinkled in well-worn delight. Cas was beaming at Dean clearly happy at making Dean laugh. Jack had woken just enough Sam could see his blues eyes shifting around but hadn’t lifted his head from where it rested against Cas’ neck. Dean used his free hand to ruffle Jack’s hair briefly before turning to Sam and gesturing towards the door.
When Sam followed Eileen through the door, he immediately noticed how domestic the house felt. Straight ahead of them from the foyer was the landing and the stairs to the second floor. On his right was the spacious living room. A thick, shaggy rug and two matching leather couches adorned the largest room in the house. The TV was mounted on the wall with a bookshelf crammed with vinyl records, a record player, kids’ books, and other random books directly underneath. Not a lore book insight. Jack’s toy basket sat at the end of one sofa half-filled. The other half seemed to be scattered across the rug.
On Sam’s left, the dining room contained a sturdy, solid oak table with 6 matching chairs. Jack’s booster seat was strapped one. A simple chandelier lit up the room and the China cabinet sat in one corner not far away. He knew the kitchen was connected to the dining room in the far-left corner of the house and the washer dry were tucked into a tiny laundry room under the backside of the stairs directly off the kitchen.
The house looked nothing like the one he remembers. The house he saw two and a half years ago could have been one they would have squatted in while on a hunt when they were young and dumb. Long before their backs acted up if they slept wrong and back when money was spent on better things like impressing the patrons of a local bar and booze. The house had been livable but just barely so. The house he saw now was a home. A cozy, well-loved, family-centered home.
Sam felt a tug of guilt in the pit of his stomach. He hadn’t waited this long to visit intentionally and always meant to come out and help with repairs. But time was a pesky thing, forming the newly established American League of Hunters at the exact time when Cas and Dean had left the bunker gave him with lots of responsibilities and made his “work-week” long- almost to the point of never ending.
When he wasn’t spending most of his waking moments managing other hunters from the base they established at the bunker, he and Eileen were out hunting themselves. Sam and Dean had originally talked every day, sometimes more than that, on the phone when Dean and Cas first left.
As time went on, Sam and Dean started talking less. It was still at least 3 times a week even today and Dean was always updating him via text and email about cute Jack and Cas moments as they happened. Sam returned the favor by keeping Dean and Cas in the loop too. Sam has been busy running an organization he built with his bare hands and Dean has been busy making the house the envy of the county if Dean was to be believed.
Anytime Sam mentioned his guilt from not visiting the farmhouse when they had first moved out, Dean would plan a visit for the bunker instead. Dean was always saying it was much easier for the retired hunter and former angel to visit them than it was for Sam to hand-over his responsibilities at the bunker. He drone on and on saying both of them missed their friends and they enjoyed catching up with everybody in person. Plus, Dean always mentioned how much he loved road trips, even ones as brief as the two-hour drive to the bunker. Dean, Cas, and Jack came for at least a few days almost monthly after moving out.
Eventually, time between visits grew too but it was still always Dean loading up Cas and Jack and making the drive. First, they came at least one weekend a month or even two to start with. Those first months it felt more like they had never left at all and were just hiding somewhere in the large bunker. Out of sight and out of mind.
Then, Sam and Eileen had to assist Mary with clearing out a vampire nest on a weekend Dean was planning out so that month was skipped. Then a few months later another weekend had been cancelled. The more time went on the less Dean, Cas, and Jack visited. They always came by at least once every three months and every holiday was a big affair never to be missed in the large bunker. The one-time Cas and Eileen did manage to convince him to hand the reins temporarily to someone else, they had taken a road trip to the beach for a week when Jack was about two years old. Yet somehow Sam didn’t notice the time between visits spanning greater lengths. Life was busy and time stretched out.
It wasn’t until they were celebrating Jack’s third birthday with a party at the bunker last month that it truly hit him. Dean was sitting a few seats down from him and he was talking to Jody about Cas wanting to repaint their office for the third time since they moved in.
“This time Jack will be old enough to help with the painting. Last time we painted, he would sit in his bouncer and jam out with me while I did all the work. He can do everything below the knee which my back and leg would sure appreciate. What do you think Jack, want to help me paint the office?” Dean had said with a smile.
A very happy, newly turned three-year-old Jack sat on Dean’s lap and nodded along. His face was smeared with cake and he hadn’t stopped shoving more into his mouth the entire time Dean talked. Dean grabbed a napkin and began to wipe the sticky crumbs from Jack’s face much to the toddler’s annoyance. Jack tried to dodge Dean while Jody joked that he had obviously gotten Dean’s manners instead of Cas’s.
Sam registered the conversation moving forward but something was sticking in the back of his mind. The thought was poking at him relentlessly in a desperate attempt to tell him a piece of pertinent information. He took another bite of his slice of cake when the thought exploded. It was the recognition was he had never seen their office after Dean painted it the first time. Or the second time. What else had he missed? Then, it dawned on him and the force of the realization felt like a punch to the gut.
Sam had never seen the renovated kitchen that Dean was always talking about cooking in. He had no clue what the front door, which caused a stiff argument between Cas and Dean initially, looked like. He never saw Jack’s baby nursery painted blue like the sky (and Cas’s eyes Dean once told him) and he only knew what Jack’s current race-car toddler bed had looked like because Cas had sent him a picture of Dean and Jack cuddled together asleep with an open book on the twin bed a few weeks ago. He had not visited since the few days he had spent helping them move their furniture in and get settled.
How had Sam not visited once in over two years? The thought kicked him again and Sam tried to swallow the unchewed large piece of cake he had just shoved into his mouth.
Cas had been chuckling at Jody’s quip from where he sat directly across from Sam when Sam had nearly choked on the sliver of birthday cake. Cas to shot him a concerned look from across the table until Sam managed to clear his throat to ask if he could come visit their house soon. Cas said they would love to have him and Eileen visit with a smile and glance at Dean.
That is how they got here today. Sam had been so excited to visit the farmhouse that when he finished debriefing Maggie, Bobby, and Mary early in the afternoon he had asked them if they would mind taking over immediately so Eileen and Sam could pack and hit the road. The hunters practically kicked him out after confirming with Dean that arriving tonight instead of tomorrow night wouldn’t screw up any major plans. They had all assured him again even when he stood with his duffle bag at the door they could handle things for a week.
Well no, what Bobby had actually said was, “Don’t get your panties in a twist. I’ve been helping hunters longer than you’ve been alive, boy. I think I can manage them for a week.”
Mary and Maggie had been much gentler. They promised to call if things went wrong and assured him like a babysitter would a parent who was leaving their baby for the first time. Yes, Charlie was monitoring the systems from her home with Stevie. No, they didn’t need nightly check-ins. No, Mary wasn’t going to come this time, she was about to head out on a hunt but promised to join next time.
Sam was glad they came early if not for the dinner alone. Dean’s burgers, fries, corn on the cob, and fresh-cut watermelon from Cas’s garden hit a spot in his stomach he didn’t even know he had. Dinner hadn’t been a quiet affair either, they had spent most of the time catching up on the little things and making jokes at each other’s expense.
They moved the conversation to the living room after dinner. Jack was sprinting around, bouncing off the couches, showing off his sign-language to Eileen, and introducing Sam to every toy car he owned. He was wide awake now that he had been fed even though Dean had assured Sam he was heading towards a quick crash. Jack sprinted at Sam full speed and collided with his knee out of pure excitement.
“Uncle Sam and Aunt Ei, look. This one is red!”
“Wow buddy, that’s great!”
“Uncle Sam, look this one is blue!”
“I’m very jealous.”
“Aunt Ei, this car is my favorite! You can has it,” Jack said while also somewhat signing words he knew. He shoved a black Impala model into Eileen’s hands and once she signed “thank you” back he took off again.
Jack was in the process of looking for a missing dump truck. Cas said that the dump truck in question blared obnoxious noises and Rowena had sent it for Jack’s birthday. She had sent it knowing it would irritate Dean according to Dean. Jack chattered while he searched for the missing toy and proceeded to dump the remaining toys out of his toy bin directly onto the middle of the rug.
Said dump truck currently missing and might be lost for good Dean stated earning agitated sigh from Cas. All thoughts of the dump truck were forgotten when Jack found his other favorite car and gave this one again to Eileen.
“Jack, I’m starting to get jealous of Aunt Ei. She has two of your favorite cars and I have none,” Sam said dramatically much to Jack’s amusement. He put on his best puppy-dog eyes and held up two fingers sadly. Eileen stuck her tongue out at him and Sam gave an immediate gasp which sent Jack giggling and running to locate another car.
“Heres ya go, Uncle Sam. Daddy plays with this one, but he said we need to share. Right Daddy?”
“That’s exactly right Jack. We share our favorite toys. I’m very proud of you,” Cas said very seriously to a Jack who had turned his blue eyes questioningly towards him. At Cas’s approval, Jack shoved his way closer to Sam and began to point out pieces of the car. Dean must be rubbing off on him because for a three-year-old his knowledge was very thorough.
Dean leaned forward a bit from his position next to Cas and said, “Jack has been learning about sharing in his playgroup after an ‘incident’ a few weeks ago. He wasn’t involved thankfully but the teacher sent out a very heavy-handed email to every parent with a “Teaching Sharing” Outline. Every time Jack shares we tell him he did a good job and we are proud of him. Jack really likes the group so we’ve been practicing extra hard. Isn’t that right buddy?”
“Yep! Aunt Ei, what’ you favorite dinosaur?”
“A T-REX because it can eat you in one big bite,” said Eileen very seriously. Jack crinkled his nose at Eileen’s tone and raised eyebrow before he tried to run away squealing. Eileen promptly scooped him up and began to tickle his stomach. Jack let out a loud laugh and scream as Eileen tickled him without mercy.
Jack’ car show and questions went on for about thirty minutes before Jack crashed hard, right on to Dean’s lap and chest. The toddler was no longer struggling to stay awake. He was sleeping soundly with his head pressed directly into Dean’s chest and a small spot of drool was forming on Dean’s shirt. Dean had his arms wrapped around Jack with natural, experienced ease.
“Dean, makes an excellent pillow in Jack’s humble opinion,” Cas had joked.
“You’re just jealous because I’m getting all the Jack snuggles.”
“I can assure you I’m not jealous.”
“Really, then why did you try so hard to get Jack to come to you instead of me?”
Cas and Dean bickered for a bit more and Sam just watched as the two friends became so wrapped up in their own little world that they stopped noticing anything or anyone else. Eileen nudged herself into his side so he wrapped an arm around her pulling her closer to him. His stomach was full and he felt himself relaxing more into the comfortable couch. There was a certain amount of contentment just hanging out and watching the events in front of him unfold.
Sam looked around. The darkness of the growing night had set in and it seemed peaceful outside. Inside the house was no different. Dean and Cas were sitting close enough together that their legs were touching from the hip through the thigh on the smaller loveseat. Their argument petered out and returned to normal conversation. It filled Sam with a sense of relief that some things never changed like the bickering and lack of personal space between the two of them.
It wasn’t until Eileen was yawning and slumped further against Sam and Dean was almost asleep still cradling Jack did they consider calling it a night after a such busy day. Sam and Cas continued to talk in hushed tones but the cozier Dean got into the couch with Jack, the more he grumbled when Cas or Sam laughed a little too loud. He even shushed them both at one point.
After another twenty minutes of idle chatter, Cas gently shook Dean awake after Sam let out a big yawn during their conversation about Sam’s most recent training session. Dean was grumpy about being woken up but Cas suggested they get Jack to bed and Dean’s demeanor complete change.
Gone was the irritated man and in his place was a father who looked fondly down at the toddler. Sam watched as Dean shifted Jack slowly to not risk waking him up. Dean carried Jack out of the room slightly favoring his braced left leg. The occasional creak of the stairs and floorboards allowed Sam to follow Dean’s journey. Cas followed Dean up the stairs a moment later with the promise to return quickly after they tucked Jack in for the night.
The silence that stretched out now that he and Eileen were alone in the living room was peaceful. Granted, Eileen had finally nodded off and had curled herself around a decorative pillow but Sam couldn’t help being happy despite his exhaustion. Happy for Dean for finally getting the life away from hunting he deserved. Happy for Cas and his adjustment his new role. Happy for Jack to have two kind and caring fathers who loved him enough to give him a normal life. Happy he and Eileen were finally here to experience it.
Cas and Dean seemed to be well and genuinely happy with this small, ordinary life. It was such a contrast to just three years ago when Jack was born, Cas fell and became human, and Dean’s life alternating injury forced him to retire. Despite all of that and everything they went through, Dean, Cas, and Jack had turned a house as broken as them into a home.
************************************************
Three Years and One Month Ago
If Dean had learned one thing while hunting, it was how fast a situation could switch from good to bad and swing wildly between the two. Dean thought he was always prepared for it but somehow he was still be taken by surprise after many years. Sam dragging Dean away and back through the rift of the leaving Cas behind should technically count as something good because they had both survived. The pit of his stomach suggested otherwise. They had left Cas behind to die a painful death and that was bad, plain and simple.
Until Cas stepped through the rift separating Apocalypse World from their own, then Dean had felt relief. Cas had used himself as a distraction so Sam and Dean could flee the archangel Lucifer who had been set on murdering them to get to Kelly and his unborn son. Seeing Cas now step through relatively unharmed made Dean’s entire chest loosen and he let go of the stale breath he hadn’t known he had been holding. Cas gave him a smile from across the clearing.
Dean should have known. He should have known as quickly as something good happens it can and will immediately go bad.
Dean didn’t see Lucifer step through the rift. If he had, he would have called out to Cas or found a way to warn him. He would have done something to try to stop what was going to happen. The next thing he saw was the tip of an angel blade sticking out from the center of Cas’s chest and the smile still plastered on his face before shock replaced it. He opened his mouth as his grace began to flee every orifice. Castiel the angel began to die right in front of his very eyes.
A bolt of lightning struck the lone tree behind the rift and suddenly Dean was moving forward. He doesn’t remember thinking he should move but something else inside Dean nudged him forward. He doesn’t remember how he got across the clearing faster than what should have been possible but he did. He doesn’t remember having an archangel blade in his hand or even having brought the blade with, it was just there suddenly.
What he does remember is Cas’ grace exploding from inside him in a blinding light that illuminated the clearing. He remembers throwing the blade without skill or finesse. Not like he had mastered all those years ago but in a desperate attempt to stop Lucifer and save his best friend. He didn’t aim, he just threw the blade with a silent prayer. Time stopped for a split microsecond and then accelerated quickly hitting Dean in the stomach like a drop from a rollercoaster as the blade sunk deep into the center of Lucifer’s chest.
It was probably only mere moments between the time Lucifer had stabbed Cas and Dean throwing the archangel blade but a lifetime has passed in those moments. Dean saw Lucifer look down at his chest in shock and then it happened.
An explosion rocked that little clearing sending out a blast of pure white angel grace in all directions. Later, Sam would tell him the explosion caused power outages for a 60-mile radius and the equivalent of a small earthquake was detected. In the moment, however, it felt like an atomic bomb had gone off in that clearing.
Cas! Sam! were Dean’s only thoughts as he was thrown across the clearing like a fly being swatted by a tornado. He flew to the other side of the clearing before landing with a loud snap, unimaginable shooting pain, and blacking out. Dean awoke with a ringing in his ears, heart racing, and tried to take stock of the clearing immediately.
The first thing Dean sensed when he came to was smell of burning. Both wood and flesh. He followed the wood smell and found himself looking at the sparse foliage.
The tree that had been struck by lightning and surrounding vegetation had been reduced to a bush and it was on fire. The flames flickered bright and that was when Dean noticed the rift to the other world had disappeared. He tore his eyes away from the tree and looked around the clearing.
At the epicenter of the explosion lay one dead archangel and one dying angel. Around them in perfect circle was charred grass and two sets of overlapping angel wings on the ground. The first sound Dean heard once the ringing in his ears abated was Cas gasping for breathes. The breathes were harsh but also so quiet- like they could stop at any time. The angel blade was still protruding from his chest. He was alive but only barely so. Dean’s mind tried to understand what everything meant but found blackness creeping back into his field of vision.
Dean cast another look around the clearing and found Sam had been thrown backwards much like he had been and hit the side of the house. The force of the explosion and the collision with the house made him look like a crumpled ragdoll. Blood trickled down his temple but he appeared lucky to escape relatively uninjured from what Dean could see. Sam started using the side of the house to push himself to a standing position and for a brief moment he was happy that Sam had been lucky enough to escape serious injury.
Dean hadn’t been so lucky. His adrenaline had acted as a dam and been responsible for holding back the flood for the three or four seconds as he looked around the clearing and located Sam and Cas. Then, the dam inside him burst and he was hit with an explosion of pain like one he had never experienced before.
In his desperate rush forward to save Cas, Dean had been closer to epicenter of the explosion. He had been thrown backwards much more violently than Sam. His left leg, his knee in particular, took the force of the fall and the explosion. His feeble mind tried to think back to the moment he landed and he was briefly remembers the snap he heard before losing consciousness.
The resulting injuries were a few broken ribs, a femur broken in three places, and a shattered knee Dean would learn much later. In the moment, it felt like his leg was being cut open and someone was pouring burning lava into him while tasing him relentlessly. The only thing that existed in that moment was unimaginable pain until Dean heard sudden loud gasp for breath which drew him back.
Blood was trickling Cas’s mouth now and a gurgling sound as Cas began to drown in his own blood was added to the shallow breaths. The pain from his leg was unbearable but the sudden fear of losing Cas suffocated him beyond comparison. He began to crawl his way to Cas.
Or at least that’s what he was trying to do. Every movement lit him on fire and every slow drag of his leg invited the blackness back into his vision and mind. The blackness would wash over him for a moment, causing him to lose all the thoughts in his head before he resurfaced from underneath that wave hearing Cas’s breathing grow fainter.
Dean doesn’t know how long he tried to crawl across the clearing and later on he would have to piece everything that happened next from semi-formed memories and Sam’s retelling. There was one thing he does remember clear as day.
In the midst of all the chaos, a newborn’s piercing cry split through the air. Thinking about Cas dying one more time and being unable to reach him, Dean succumbed to his pain and let the blackness wash over him once more.
Sam told him what happened next.
Mary, usually an unsinkable force that could cut down a demon without a second thought, clutched the crying baby in her arms and was frozen holding the back door of the little cottage open. She seemed unable to move before Sam stumbled forward and asked her to help get them into the car. Sam still says he barely remembers the drive to the hospital and to this day he doesn’t remember how long it took them to actually get there.
Cas was bleeding out in the back seat while Dean faded in and out of consciousness. He remembered seeing Sam leaning over the backseat and towards Cas. He recalls Sam shaking him awake once, his eyes wide in fright and pleading garbled nonsense. The blackness visited again and Sam’s voice faded once more. Once, he saw Cas next to him and only had a second to wonder if he was alive before the thought was taken from him too.
Each time he came to he tried desperately not to pass out from the pain. Pain from Cas dying and from his own injuries. He tried to stay awake because he had to help save Cas. Sometimes he was successful. Most times he was not.
Dean woke up two full days later strapped to a hospital bed, thick, shiny cast around his leg, ribs wrapped, and mostly numb to the pain that felt like dull lightening in his veins. In his haze, Dean could make out Sam sitting near his bed, the morphine drip, and sounds of machines monitoring his pulse. Sam shot alert when Dean tried to say something resembling his name. His name came out in a harsh cough. Sam told him not to speak and that he would tell Dean everything.
Apparently, he had undergone an extensive surgery in the short time he had been there. Dean also had half-conscious conversations with his Doctor, Sam, and Mary at one point but he didn’t remember a single thing. Everything between the drive and fully waking up on day 2 was gone.
Cas had been rushed into the other OR that night before and alongside Dean. Cas’ surgery had been to repair the gaping hole in his chest in a frantic attempt to save his life. Thankfully, the blade had missed his heart and only nicked a lung but the damage was still substantial. Cas survived his surgery but was left completely graceless, comatose, and unresponsive. He hadn’t uttered so much as a word since Sam had dragged Cas’s bleeding body into the ER.
Sam told him that Mary and Sam were alternating between caring for Jack in the cabin and coming to the hospital. The hospital person would rotate between Cas’s and Dean’s room. Dean had completely forgotten about the newborn Nephilim and felt an immediate surge of resentment fill his chest.
All of this was because of him, a loud part of Dean’s mind thought venomously.
He’s just a baby, the other part of his mind whispered quietly.
“Where’s Cas?” Dean asked interrupting his own thoughts.
“He’s in another room.”
“I want to see him.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“And why the hell not?”
“Because he’s not an angel anymore.”
“What?”
Sam took a shuttering breathe before saying, “I didn’t want to bring the one to bring this up but we don’t even know if Cas is still in his vessel. There are no signs of any angel grace left. There were two wing prints in the clearing. Mom seems to think that Cas somehow survived because he has heartbeat and brain activity. Jimmy is in heaven so that is a good sign that something might be in there but he still hasn’t so much as stirred...”
Sam stopped talking when Dean glared at him. Part of him was pissed at Sam for even suggesting Cas was dead and gone. Cas was still here, Dean could feel it. The other part of him fractured inside at Sam’s words. If he could fall to his knees, he would have at the thought of Cas being dead.
“Take me to Cas.”
“Dean, you just woke up and you’re still-“
“Sam, I need to see him.”
“You need rest-“
“Sam, take me to him or I’ll take myself there.”
Dean’s voice came out strained and sounding close to the edge of panic instead of authoritative like he had planned. Sam stared at Dean for a long minute before deciding whatever he saw on Dean’s face was worth defying the doctor’s orders. Sam went into the hallway to fetch a wheelchair as Dean tipped his head back in the pillow. He tried to steel himself and gritted his teeth from the pain. No matter what he saw in that room, he would not allow it to break him.
Sam returned with a nurse in tow, and they helped transfer Dean painfully from his bed to the wheelchair. The shame of having two grown adults help him move from a bed to a wheelchair was overwhelming but somehow matched but the pain coursing through his body. His chest hurt but his leg was debilitating. The nurse unhooked his morphine line and the now familiar numbness began to fade.
They made their way to Cas’s room slowly. The nurse pushed Dean and chatted with coworkers as she passed and Sam followed Dean along with a concerned look on his face. The walk took them almost 9 agonizing minutes. Dean spent those 9 minutes preparing himself for the worst. That didn’t stop the sight of Cas from taking his breathe away.
Cas was laid out in the bed and his face looked so calm he appeared to be sleeping. There were machines everywhere in the room. Some were hooked up directly to Cas and others appeared to be pushed farther back, ready to be used at a moment’s noticed. Sam had told Dean Cas could breathe on his own but he still was hooked to oxygen just in case he stopped breathing when someone wasn’t watching.
Bruises from the explosion were scattered across his body. Dean could see the stitches covering Cas’s chest in an attempt to repair the stab wound and black peeking from the edge of the sleeve. Cas looked pale and small in the empty room with only the sound of his own heartbeat to keep him company. Everything felt very wrong.
The nurse pushed Dean forward until he was at the end of the bed and all he could do was stare. She paused and waited for Dean to say something. When he didn’t, she glanced at Sam and asked him a question that sounded like murmured jumble adult-speak in the Peanuts. Sam had gone to the other side of Cas’s bed and shook his head in response. The nurse departed and they were left alone.
The only thing Dean could do for the next 45 minutes was stare. He was waiting for Cas to do anything. For him to move. For him to speak. For him to get out of bed like nothing was wrong. He would put on that stupid trench coat he loved so much and walk out of here like he always did. Angels were stronger than this and Cas was the strongest angel Dean knew.
But Cas isn’t an angel anymore, he’s probably human. If he’s even here at all… Dean smothered the thought instantly. He had to know if Cas was still here.
Dean reached out and grabbed Cas’s wrist. The machine monitoring Cas’s heartbeat was still beeping away but the pulse beneath his own fingertips felt strong. He knew in that moment.
“That’s Cas.”
Sam looked up at Dean’s sudden statement. When Dean failed to comment further, Sam nodded and sat back in his chair. They sat there for a while before the nurse came to escort Dean back to his room. Dean knew like he knew before they had made the trip. Cas was still here and he was fighting.
Dean made his nurses’ lives hell over the next few days. He would escape his room the second a nurse turned their backs to read a chart or respond to a code. They would try to force him back to his own room only to find he escaped again 10 minutes later. Dean would steal crutches or a wheelchair to get to Cas’s room with his morphine as his only companion. Once he even locked himself in Cas’s room when they tried to take him away for the third time that day on Dean’s fourth day in the hospital. Sam had even berated him for that one. All he did was sit next to Cas’s bed but the nurses seemed adamant that he return to his room.
Until the day Cas coded.
Dean was bitterly being pushed by a nurse that was scolding him for leaving his room again. Mary had just left to relieve Sam at the cabin and catch some sleep so Dean snuck out of his room the second the elevator whisked her way. The nurse and Dean had just reached the end of the hallway Cas was in when the alarm sounded calling for a response team for a code blue to room 416. The nurse that was pushing Dean froze and when Dean looked at his eyes which had gone wide. Dean felt his heart constrict and the air was sucked out of his lungs.
“Cas?”
The nurse didn’t move.
“Take me back there now!”
The nurse immediately wheeled Dean around and pushed him down the hallway at a quick pace. When they got to the doorway, Dean felt like he was the one who had been stabbed in the chest. The hospital’s rapid response team was already working on Cas. One person was preforming chest compressions while another was pulling the AED off the wall. The buzz of a Cas’s heart flat lining trilled through the room as one of the residents that Dean faintly recognized called out instructions.
Dean grabbed the wheels and tried to pull himself into the room but the nurse stopped him.
“We can’t go in there, they need room to work on him.”
“I need to-“
The nurse didn’t listen to his pleas. Dean was stuck at the entrance listening to the flatline as the resident called for more and more things desperately. The defibrillator was attached and the order to stand back was given before the sound of the first shock filled the air. Dean saw Cas’s chest rise and fall. His heart rate monitored hummed for a second before returning to flatline.
The defibrillator went off again. Cas’s heart beat for a moment and crashed again. The resident called for another round.
The defibrillator went off again. Cas’s heart beat for another moment and crashed again. The resident called for another round.
The fourth shock from the defibrillator rang through the room and Dean couldn’t handle it anymore.
“CAS!”
His shout was desperate, loud, and pleading prayer in the silence of the aftershock of the defibrillator. His shout took several members of the team by surprise as they spun around to look at him before refocusing on Cas.
Cas’s heart beat for a moment.
And then another.
And more followed.
The nurses stopped trying to keep Dean from Cas’s room after that.
They must have decided to cut their losses after the code when all Dean did was sit there and wait quietly. He heard them whisper about the two of them behind their hands or as the door closed. Now, when they checked on him in the morning a nurse would offer to take him to Cas. Dean didn’t want their help but it was significantly less painful when somebody was there to push him.
After delivering him to the room, they would ask if Dean needed anything else. Dean never said it but he needed Cas to pull through. Cas looked like he was sleeping despite the various machines that he was hooked up the entire time Dean visited. All those silent moments allowed Dean to comb through every doctor’s words and dissect them individually in slow precise movements.
Dean was told by his surgeon one of the rare times he was in his own room that they did what they could to repair his leg but the damage was extensive. They had a few pins in his femur to help them realign. His knee was broken into small pieces and they tried to realign them too but pins hadn’t been an option at that time. They would not know how much function he would regain until he fully healed but they were hopeful.
Dean was told by Cas’s doctor on the same day hours later that they didn’t know if he would wake up at all. They would not know how much brain function he would have if he did wake up after the code and the accident itself. They had no idea what caused the code either.
Dean wanted to punch something. He wanted to scream. He wanted to take his gun and unload it into Lucifer’s dead body. Fate was probably laughing at them but that didn’t mean he would leave Cas’s side. He sat there quietly waiting until the silence was too much. Then, he started talking to Cas whether he was alone in that room or not.
One night, he overheard the nurse on duty telling Sam that sometimes they caught Dean whispering quietly to himself when he was by Cas’s beside. It reminder her of a prayer.
“He keeps talking to himself. I hope God has his ears on,” said a kind, young nurse to Sam who was stationed outside the room and was waiting for the doctor to get the official update of the day. With a sympathetic glance at Sam, she moved on to her next task leaving Sam alone outside the room.
“Trust me, it’s not God he is praying to.” Sam responded to no one in particular. Dean had heard him and he was right. Only one person has ever earned Dean’s repeated prayers and he was already in the room. He prayed to Cas. He prayed for Cas. He prayed for Cas to wake up. He prayed Cas could give him one last miracle.
Dean was officially released from the hospital 7 days after waking up but that didn’t stop him from being an annoying presence at the hospital. Upon his release and with clear instructions to rest so as not to damage his leg further, Dean did the most Dean thing he could do which was not listen to a damn thing anyone else recommended and do whatever the hell he wanted anyway.
Every day he would grab the Impala’s keys and use his crutches to drag himself outside the cottage no matter how much it hurt, his new pain killers rattling around the bottle in his pocket. Every day Mary and Sam protested insisting that he rest and the hospital would call if anything changed. Every day he would drive himself to the hospital before visiting hours started and would not leave until he was forced out long after visiting hours ended.
Sometimes it would be days before Dean would return to Sam and Mary as different nurses who had a soft spot for either Cas or Dean “forgot” to ask Dean to leave or that Dean was no longer a patient. Dean sat by Cas’ bed for days at the hospital as Cas continued his eternal sleep and he had no intention of leaving until Cas woke up. That left Sam and Mary in the cabin.
Sam and Mary had been responsible for giving Kelly a hunter’s funeral and hiding all evidence of Jack’s birth. Sam and Mary had been responsible for answering the local authority’s questions about why the deranged serial killer Nick Vaught tried to murder their family after being reported missing for so many years. It’s not like they had any other plausible explanation for why Dean and Cas showed up in the hospital in the condition they were in. Sam and Mary had been the ones taking care of the Nephilim that they carefully hid from the world.
Dean had wanted nothing to do with Jack during the brief times he returned to the cabin. They had made the decision as a group to remain in the cabin until Cas woke up for convenience’s sake. The reality of the situation was Dean refused to leave Cas in the hospital and Sam and Mary had no choice but to remain close by for Cas and Dean’s sake. Mary was itching to get out of the cabin and Sam tried to reason that the hospital would call with updates but Dean refused to leave. So they all stayed including Jack.
Part of Dean hated the newborn from bringing so much pain into their life. First, the half-angel had brainwashed Cas and taken him away for weeks on end. Then, his father who was THE actual devil himself nearly killed them all in an attempt to take his own son back. Sam and Mary may have been cooing over the devil baby but Dean didn’t even want to look at Jack. He was his father’s son and there was no way Dean was going to forget that.
Cas woke up exactly three weeks after Jack was born on a rainy Thursday morning.
Dean had been dozing off in the chair next to Cas’s bed thanks to the sound of rain hitting the window. His casted leg was stretched out in front of him giving a now familiar twinge of pain. His head had just hit his chest when he heard it.
“Hello Dean.”
Dean’s eyes shot open and he looked up to meet Cas’s. Cas was alive and looking at him like he saw directly into his soul. The familiarity of the stare was comforting. Still as blue as he remembered too. His voice was rough and lower than normal from lack of use but it was still Cas’s.
“Heya, Cas,” Dean choked out.
Cas had to remain in the hospital for six more days but Dean waited with him the entire time. Tests had to be run and when they decried him fit enough to leave, Dean broke into a shit-eating grin. When the time came for a nurse to help Cas into the Impala with Dean waiting in the driver’s seat, Dean was the happiest he had been in a long time, even before the incident. After everything they had been through, this was a big win. Cas was a big win.
Dean was so happy to have Cas back that he didn’t realize he was going to lose him when Cas began slowly taking over Jack’s care. The minute they had returned to the cabin and Jack had been placed in Cas’s arms that was it for Cas. Jack was it for Cas.
Sam and Mary showed Cas the ropes of infant care and he adapted it fast. Faster than it took him to do anything ever. It was like Cas was made for this. Dean still refused to hold the newborn even after they had returned to the bunker the following week when Cas was strong enough to travel. Wherever Cas was, Jack was there too. Dean went from never leaving Cas’s side for weeks in the hospital to avoiding him altogether.
A few weeks after getting settled in the bunker, Cas had tried to leave the bunker with the Jack in tow. His plans had escaped Dean’s notice until their bags lined the garage door, ready to be loaded into the truck just as Dean was returning from another long drive from the Impala.
The drives had been steadily increasing in frequency and Dean never told anybody where he had gone despite Sam’s constant questions. He couldn’t be around the Nephilim and Cas seemed solely focused on him now. How could Dean explain how stifling the bunker felt after only just returning but it was also the only place he wanted to be.
Dean and Cas confronted each other right there in the garage with the young baby being passed to Sam as Cas steadied himself for their face-off. He looked ready for a fight despite his gaunt features from his long stay in the hospital.
“Cas, what are you doing?” Dean asked getting hastily out of the Impala. The exit was not quick nor graceful because he relied heavily on his crutches still. He felt the worry etched in his face and his eyes were wide in panic when he saw the bags. Cas couldn’t leave. Not when they had come so close to losing him before.
“I’m taking Jack and we are going back to the cabin. Jack’s presence is obviously making you uncomfortable.”
“That doesn’t matter. You are still recovering from being stabbed. Remember? Let me be the one to remind you that Lucifer nearly killed you. Now you are what, going to take his son and run? You’re gonna leave again?”
“What other choice are you giving me, Dean? You won’t even look at me- or Jack. Jack is important to me. I promised Kelly I would look after him. There are only two ways forward. I leave with Jack or you step up and accept Jack like everyone else already has. You of all people should know that the sins of the father are not the sins of the son,” Cas spit out.
A second later, regret colored Cas’s face. He opened his mouth to say something more but Dean was already using his crutches to stride angrily away. The slam of the garage door followed as exited the garage. Dean heard a loud thump and immediately turned back towards the garage and opened the door to peer inside.
An exhausted Cas was slumped against his truck which must have caused the noise Dean heard. Dean was tempted to shut the door again but concern for Cas forced him to stay peering through the partially open door. Sam approached Cas and Cas’ hands rubbed his chest where the stitches were and over the circular scar.
Dean had been the one to bring up this new habit to Sam. When Cas was distressed or experiencing a strong emotion, he would rub the site of the injury almost like he was hoping to coax a little grace that remained hidden to the surface. The wound on his chest was smaller than the entrance on his back due to the shape of the angel blade but that didn’t stop Cas from rubbing his chest. The only time Cas even mentioned the stitches on his back were when they itched against the fabric of his shirt. Sam hadn’t noticed Cas’s new habit nor had Mary when he brought it up to her. Sam asked why Dean had noticed despite never spending more than a few minutes in Cas’s presence lately while Sam failed to. Actually, Sam had a pretty good guess he had said but Dean shut him down when he tried to bring it up.
“Cas, please stay a little bit longer. You are obviously too tired to travel still. The safest place for you and Jack is here in the bunker with us. Dean will come around, I promise. Plus, you know Mom and I want you both here,” Sam said reassuringly.
Dean could hear the concern in his voice and was forced to acknowledge the bitter truth that he wasn’t the only one at risk of losing their friend. Sam cared about Cas too. Dean’s selfishness was pushing Cas away and hurting Sam and probably Mary too.
Sam, please stop him from leaving. You maybe the only one who can, Dean thought. He strained his ears and held his breathe waiting for the reply.
Cas was still leaning on the truck and giving Sam his signature head-tilt and squint. Cas’ eyes contained a lot of emotions Dean recognized lately- hurt, pain, and simple exhaustion. All caused by him.
“Do you really believe that Sam or are you just trying to make me feel better?” Cas asked.
“Both,” said Sam, “It’s both. But you know Dean, he’ll come around. If he doesn’t, I’ll kick his ass. He just wants you here Cas even if he doesn’t show it.”
Dean swore in that moment to any god and Chuck listening that if Cas stayed and Dean would do better. He would be there for Cas- and Jack- in whatever way Cas wanted him he promised. He would do anything for Cas to stay. Anything because Cas was going to leave and Dean was too proud and too stubborn to stop him. Dean vowed to do better.
In the end, Cas made the decision to stay. Sam let out a relieved sigh and Dean thanked the Heaven, Hell Purgatory, and all the places inbetween. Time was a funny thing and it was rare anybody got granted a second chance like Dean just had.