Chapter Text
The first time Shelby Goodkind heard the name Gretchen Klein, she was sitting in passenger seat of her dad’s truck wondering what she had done to be so cursed in life.
She knew it was all her fault, she was the one who’d given into temptation, she knew that she was the one who lashed out at Becca, she was the stain on their family’s reputation.
But still, why did it have to be her that felt these things, these horrible wonderful things?
Her father, sitting next to her with his characteristic smile on his face, would tell her that the Lord had a path for everyone, and sometimes, there were challenges that you must face in order to be worthy of Heaven.
Back after that pageant, her most recent pageant, the one where she’d heard about Becca, her father had told her that he’d be letting her get the permanent teeth.
Once she would’ve leapt up at him, hugging him, and thanking him profusely for the chance.
But on that night, she’d just sat there, full of fear, because his words carried an unspoken threat, a promise that he would put her through whatever he needed to in order to have her be ‘perfect’.
And Shelby wanted that, she did, but she was also terrified, because she didn’t know what it meant, she didn’t know if the pain she’d have to go through would really be worth it.
There was also that small part of her that wanted to keep those feelings, that part of her that felt so good whenever she indulged in temptation, that part of her that didn’t understand how any of that could be a sin.
Shelby tried her best not to listen to that part.
She’d prepared herself to get whisked away the moment summer started, but it hadn’t happened.
Not right away.
However, three days into the holiday, her father had entered her room, telling her that tomorrow they were going to meet with a lady to talk about an opportunity for Shelby’s summer.
And Shelby didn’t exactly have a choice in the matter, so, here she was, sitting in her father’s car, both of them silent as some old country song played over the radio.
They’d been driving in silence for ten minutes, thankfully they didn’t need to leave Fort Travis to meet with this woman, and Shelby kept trying to think of ways to break the silence.
At least she wasn’t on the first plane flight up to Plano.
That’s what she kept telling herself.
Although, who knew, maybe this woman would be taking her there soon anyways.
Her father was the one who broke the silence, as he pulled into the parking lot of a café.
“So, I’m gonna head in there and make sure she’s here, and then I’ll come back to bring you in, and she can introduce herself to you.”
Shelby nodded. “What’s her name?” She asked, because she needed to know who it was that was going to a significant factor in how her summer played out.
“Gretchen Klein, she’s a scientist. And, I know you know how I feel about them science types, but I think you’ll be interested in what she has to say.” He gave her a quick and bright smile before opening the door and hopping out, already whistling and twirling the keys around his finger.
Gretchen Klein.
A scientist.
Now, Shelby wasn’t usually a worst-case scenario person. Usually, she looked on the bright side and she reminded everyone that there was a rainbow in every day if you looked hard enough.
Not today.
A scientist.
You’ll be interested in what she had to say.
Pain’s worth it.
Shelby was not jumping to conclusions.
Why was she even worried? If those conclusions were right, then this woman might know how to fix her, and she’d be able to make Shelby better.
But Shelby didn’t want to be fixed.
And that was the hard part about all of this, now, wasn’t it?
+++
After a few minutes of sitting in the car, trying not to vomit over her nice white t-shirt, her father came back, still beaming.
“She’s waiting for us.”
Shelby walked towards the diner, her father’s hand on her back, reminding her that she was trapped.
She had no idea why a scientist would be wanting to meet her in a small diner, but she supposed that maybe Gretchen didn’t live here.
Maybe she’d caught a flight in from some big facility where they were working on curing homosexuality in teens and she was going to take Shelby back there, and it’d all be fine.
She hated that she was thinking of that as a fine situation. Every part of this made her feel sick and angry and hurt and scared, and she just wanted to scream and get every single emotion out of her body.
Shelby felt her stomach turn at the smell of bacon as she walked through the door. Any other day her mouth would be watering, but she couldn’t think about food right now.
Not when there was a woman with long blonde hair, and white shirt, sitting in a booth, her eyes on Shelby the moment she walked through the door.
Not when that woman smiled like Shelby was exactly what she was looking for.
When they got to the booth it was her father who did the introductions.
“Ms Klein, this here is my daughter, Shelby Faith Goodkind. Shelby, this is Ms Klein.”
Ms Klein held out her hand, and Shelby took it and shook it, because she may be on the verge of a panic attack, but she was her mother’s daughter, and she would be polite.
“Sit down please Shelby,” Ms Klein said, like it was an order pretending to be a suggestion.
Shelby sat down. Her father stayed standing. Ms Klein turned to him and gave him a gentle smile.
“Thank you, Mr Goodkind, but I would like to speak to Shelby in private right now.”
For a moment, Shelby thought he might demand to stay, she saw that tightening in his eyes, the twitch in his smile, she knew what it meant.
But instead, he just nodded, and said, “I’ll leave y’all too it.”
And then he was gone, leaving Shelby with Ms Klein, whose eyes dropped back to her immediately, ready for business.
“Shelby, has your father told you anything about my work?”
Shelby shook her head. “No, ma’am, only that you work in science.”
Ms Klein nodded. “I see myself as more of a social scientist. I work with people; I work to figure out how to make the world a better place. And I think you have a role in that.” Her smile was so inviting, but Shelby still wanted to run.
Make the world a better place.
Because the world would be better if Shelby could kiss Andrew and mean it, because the world would be better if she’d never leant in to kiss her best friend that one night.
“Now, my work is a little…experimental, but really, I think it could be life changing. I’m offering you the chance to be part of a new world, offering you the chance to help pioneer a world in which you wouldn’t have to suffer the way that you do currently.” She leant forwards. “Doesn’t that sound nice?”
Shelby forced herself to nod.
Ms Klein’s smile widened. “I’m glad you think so. Your father assured me that you’d be open to this opportunity, and I can see that you’re a bright young girl. I can’t tell you everything about what’s going to be happening, but I’ll fully debrief you when we fly out.”
So, they would be flying out. Shelby hoped that they’d at least let her write to her siblings.
“But what I can tell you is that it’ll take the rest of the summer.”
A whole summer, lost because Shelby couldn’t control her desires.
“To put it extremely plainly though, because I don’t believe in sugar-coating things, I’m going to be dropping you and eight other girls onto a deserted island for three months, and you’re going to be the only one who knows that it’s an experiment.”
Right, she was going to…wait, what?
Did Shelby hear that right?
“Sorry?” Shelby tilted her head, like the conversation was going to make more sense if she looked at it from a different angle.
Ms Klein waved a hand. “I know, it sounds scary, but you and these eight other women are going to truly be logging off from society. You will have to do nothing except focus on the simple tasks of eating, sleeping, and living life to its fullest.”
This still made no sense.
“Sorry, may I just ask a question?”
Ms Klein nodded.
“I was—I mean I…” Shelby trailed off, trying to figure out how to subtly say what she meant. After some consideration, she realised that it’d be best to just blurt it out. “I was under the impression that you’re going to fix me, stop me from having these—well, these desires. Is that not what this is about?”
Ms Klein blinked, seeming to be off balance for the first time in the whole conversation.
“Pardon?”
Shelby went on. “My father made it clear to me that over the summer he would be sending me away to get fixed. I assumed that you’re a scientist who works in that area.”
Ms Klein seemed to have some sort of epiphany because she made a little noise, and started to speak again.
“Right yes, your father did mention that to me. You see Shelby, I have been looking into finding someone for this study for a while, and your case stood out to me, because you are a bright young woman, who knows her way around life, and who isn’t afraid to bend the truth a little if it will suit her purposes.”
Something about the way Ms Klein spoke, so calmly, so scientifically, made Shelby’s skin crawl. It felt like she was under a microscope, like Ms Klein could see everything.
“Your father believes that this is a study to show how women can’t properly function in society without men. I may have spun him some misogynistic horseshit to get him on my side, truly, I need benefactors, and once I told him that you’d truly find your way over the summer, he was only too willing.”
Ms Klein’s tone had switched now, and Shelby flinched at the casual swearing, from a woman who seemed so dignified. And she was lying to her father?
What was even happening right now?
“Shelby, let me be clear. I do not run conversion therapy. However, if your father became aware of the fact that I do not intend to do everything in my power to set you, well, straight, he will send you to someone who does. This is, in a sense, your get out of jail free card.” Ms Klein was back to smiling like she knew everything in the world.
Shelby still didn’t know what to say, but after that last bit, she allowed herself to step back and examine this situation.
Ms Klein was not going to try and fix her.
However, her father thought that she was.
If Shelby went to this, well, whatever it was, she could come back, pretend to be fixed, and her father would believe her.
She wouldn’t have to go through the actual pain of it all, and maybe there would still be a chance for her to be free, one day.
So, she didn’t get up and leave.
Not yet.
She leant forwards and asked, “So, what would I be doing exactly?”
Ms Klein smiled, as if she knew exactly what Shelby had been thinking about.
“You are going to get on a plane, with a group of young women, who will have all been told that they are headed to a weekend wellness retreat in Hawaii. There is no retreat, and instead you will all be delivered to an island of my choosing. For the next three months, you will be mostly on your own, surviving with minimal impact from the outside world.”
Well, that sounded…borderline insane, and definitely illegal, but Shelby wasn’t completely offboard yet.
“Why do you need me?”
“I have another confederate involved, but neither of you will know about each other. I need eyes on the ground, so that you can tell me about the inner workings of the group, so you can keep them safe, so you can keep their spirits up, so you can make sure that nothing goes too badly wrong.”
So, Shelby was a safety precaution. She would be there to make sure that no one else got hurt.
Like a guardian angel.
“It will be hard, but if I may be starkly honest with you, I believe that you’ve been through harder. I see you as a very strong young woman, one who will not bend or break under pressure. I think you’re an ideal fit.” She leant even further forwards and said, “Shelby, you’ve suffered so much in this world, pushing yourself to perfection. This would allow you to take a breath, to help these other young women find themselves, to make a world that’s better for the rest of us.”
Now, Shelby knew she should really think about this, knew that she should consider the legality of it all, that she should consider the consequences.
But her mind was boiling everything down to the simplest components.
Ms Klein was offering her an out.
Sure, it was onto a deserted island with a bunch of strangers, pretending to not know that they were in an experiment, but really, it didn’t sound that bad.
It’d be a chance for Shelby to meet some new people, people who knew nothing about her, who had no preconceived notions about who she was.
Plus, it wasn’t like Shelby was a stranger to lying.
And it was either this, or her father sent her to someone who would definitely be willing to hurt her, just so that she’d stop thinking about girls in that way.
At least Ms Klein seemed to care, just a little bit.
At least she seemed to want the best for Shelby.
So, Shelby nodded.
“Alright, I’ll do it.”
Ms Klein beamed. “That’s excellent to hear Shelby. I’ll call your father back in, and let him know that you’ve accepted. We’ll fly out to one of my headquarters in a couple days, so I can fully debrief you on what you need to know before heading in. And then you’ll be on the plane, and before you know it, the island.” Ms Klein’s eyes twinkled with excitement that made Shelby feel nervous.
“You won’t regret it.”
+++
That night, Shelby’s father pulled her aside to ask what she thought about it.
Shelby shrugged. “I think it’ll be a good growing experience. It’ll really teach me to respect the natural ways of the world.” That was a complete lie but she knew what he wanted to hear.
He smiled at her. “That’s good to hear Shelby. I think you’re being really selfless, giving up your summer for something like this.” He paused and then added, “Now, I don’t want to hear any reports of funny business alright? I expect you to act according to the Lord’s teachings.” He didn’t say what he wanted to, but he didn’t need to.
Shelby forced a small smile. “Of course, daddy.” Her voice was so much quieter than she wanted it to be. “After all, I’m there to help them find their way. I wouldn’t let any of them fall into temptation.”
His smile returned full force. “Well now, that’s good to hear.” He clapped her on the shoulder. “You’re gonna do some good work out there. Remember, smile for the cameras Shelby. You love acting so much, you give them a good show.”
She certainly would.
+++
Shelby found herself alone in a hotel room, the night before she was due to get onto a plane that would change her life, almost regretting it.
Ms Klein had given her a few extra details that Shelby was going over and over in her head.
There would be a phone located on the island so that she could communicate with them in cases of emergency.
There were cameras, stationed throughout the island. Shelby had not been told where, but she was told that on the eastern side of the island, there would be minimal camera observation.
There would be very little interference by Ms Klein and her team, but if something catastrophic occurred, they would pull them out early.
And then perhaps the most bone chilling part, delivered right as Ms Klein was nearly out the door.
Her hand had danced on the doorknob, and she’d looked back at Shelby, serious, with a hint of threat in her eyes.
“I will be giving your father regular updates on your progress, because he expects me to. I will tell him what he wants to, for the most part, but Shelby, I will make it clear now,” her expression darkened even further, “if it becomes clear to me that you are in any way endangering this experiment, my reports might have to…adjust. I hope you understand my meaning without me having to spell it out directly.”
Shelby understood.
She’d been thinking about that for the better part of the night.
There would be cameras, so Shelby would definitely have to play the part she needed to, just to make sure there was no evidence that could ever be used against her to hint that she’d ever done anything that her father wouldn’t like.
And if Shelby slipped up, if the girls started to suspect the experiment, if Shelby didn’t do what Ms Klein wanted, then Ms Klein would tell Shelby’s father that the treatment wasn’t working, that she wasn’t getting better, and that he might need to take more extreme measures.
Shelby knew that if he started to think that, then she’d be spending the first few months of her senior year in Plano.
So, there was no room for error.
Shelby thought of the errors she’d made so far in her life, the hurt they’d brought, the look on Becca’s face, and she knew that she would be smarter this time.
And when thoughts of terror and regret started to seep into her mind, Shelby just thought of this as her penance.
She had hurt other people, put them in danger by being selfish.
Now, she would be selfless, she would help the others, she would do her job, even if it was hard, even if surviving without help was hard, it was her penance.
This island would be her suffering that would give her redemption.
She knew that she had to work for redemption, and she would.
Every bit of her soul would be put into it, and she would be better.
She would play the part she knew how to play; she would keep the other girls in the dark, she would keep them safe, and everything would be fine.
+++
As Shelby waited in the terminal to board the plane, she allowed her gaze to flick to the others who were waiting with her.
Dot Campbell was there, the girl she remembered purely because she’d missed picture day the past few years.
Well, actually that was a lie. She knew Dot from more than that, knew her from youth soccer, knew her from middle school French, knew her father was sick, knew about her side hustle, and knew that she was kind.
It would be strange to have Dot there, but she knew that she’d be able to rely on her.
There were a pair of girls with dark skin, one hunched over a book, one glaring in the opposite direction, like the very sight of the other girl disgusted her.
Sisters, clearly. No one but a sibling could make you feel that type of anger.
Lord, Shelby was going to miss Spencer and Melody. She wished that she’d done more to wish them goodbye before she’d left.
There was another girl with dark skin, wearing a purple jacket, looking like everything around her was boring.
Shelby knew a popular girl when she saw one.
There was a girl with brown hair, head also tucked into a book, but she had placed herself so she was as far away from everyone else as she could be.
Definitely the introverted type.
Shelby frowned, because they were missing three.
The flight was boarding soon, so where were the others?
“Marty, give them back, they’re my Takis!”
Shelby turned to look, along with the girl in the purple jacket, at the yell that had broken through the airport.
There was one girl, in a pink shirt, running towards them, a bag of chips in her hand, grinning widely, and there was another girl chasing after her.
And, oh.
The other girl was a brunette, hair done into a braid, wearing a blue sweatshirt, chasing after the other girl, looking vaguely annoyed, but with a half-smile on her face, like she secretly enjoyed the situation.
She was beautiful.
That was all that Shelby could really think about her.
Which was not a great sign for things to come.
The girl in the pink shirt—Marty, presumably—handed the bag of chips back to her friend, who grinned and stuffed it into her carry on. She looked like she was about to say something, but then she looked across, catching Shelby’s eyes.
Her expression shifted, becoming defensive, almost angry.
“What the fuck are you looking at?”
Shelby snapped her eyes away immediately, hearing the two girls moving past her and taking a seat away from the rest of them.
She had another sudden impulse to run away, to completely abandon this, but she pushed that down.
There was a job to do, and Shelby would do it.
Everything would be fine.
It didn’t matter how pretty that girl was, or how her voice made Shelby’s heart want to tap-dance, Shelby could not let any of that control her.
Everything would be fine.