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“This better be a life or death situation, if you're calling me at this hour,” Andrea Sachs growled into the phone, her voice raspy and laden with sleep.
“I have your wife!” A gruff voice on the other end bellowed out.
“Well, you have the wrong number.” *Click*
Grumbling in annoyance, Andy rolls over and pulls the blanket up to cover her head. Just as she begins to doze off, her phone starts to go off again. Huffing in annoyance, she sits up and reaches over for her phone.
“What!”
“How dare you hung up on me!” the voice on the other end said.
“Listen here you dickweed, you have the wrong number so stop calling me!”
“Do you not care about your wife’s wellbeing?” The voice threatened.
Andy rolled her eyes in exasperation. “I’d care if I had a wife, but I don’t, so I’m going back to sleep.”
“B-but she gave us your number and told us to call her wife,” the voice replied, confusion clearly shown in his tone.
“Who?”
“What do you mean who?”
“For a kidnapper, you’re quite dense. Who did you kidnap? Who is the woman that you claim to be my wife? Who ?”
“Hey! Watch your tone if you want her back in one piece!”
“You still haven’t told me who you’ve kidnapped, mister kidnapper.”
“Miranda Priestly.”
“Oh… Well…”
“Uh huh, see, now you’re worried aren’t you? So… for my terms…”
“You’re still alive and not crying or whimpering in a corner? How long have you been with her?”
“What?! Crying?! Whimpering?! Wh-why would I be crying or whimpering? And why are you so shocked that I’m still alive? You should be worried about her, not me!”
“Hm… I see.. So she hasn't had you for long.”
“Are you demented or something? I am the one that has her!”
“Right… Well, how do I know that she’s actually Miranda Priestly?”
“I’ll take a picture and send it to you as proof.”
“No, anyone can take a picture and pretend, let me talk to her.”
“I… Fine… Hold on.”
From Andy’s end of the line, she can hear shuffling and what she assumes is the phone being handed over.
“Andrea.”
“I have to admit Miranda, this is by far the weirdest proposal I’ve ever seen or heard of.”
“Is that a ‘yes’, Andrea?”
“Miranda, we haven’t seen or spoken to one another in over a year.”
“It’s been fifteen months, two weeks, and three days, Andrea. Now, since I don’t hear a ‘no’, am I to assume that it’s a ‘yes’?
“You haven’t even taken me on a date yet! We haven’t even had our first kiss! What do you take me for, Miranda?”
“A woman that knows what she wants, Andrea.”
Heaving out a long sigh, Andy said, “hand the phone back to your kidnapper .”
“Yes, Andrea.”
“Cheeky.”
“Now do you believe me lady?”
“Ah, hello mister kidnapper. So, here’s what we’re going to do. I want a million dollars to get her back.”
“What? No… I AM the kidnapper! I have Miranda! You have to pay me to get her back!”
“Oh yes, so you’ve said many times. Well then, it seems we’re at an impasse. Why don’t I give you some time to think about this and you can call me back when you’ve come to a decision?”
“I… What?”
“Later, mister kidnapper .”
*Fifteen minutes later*
Andy, having given up on getting any more sleep until the matter at hand is resolved, had decided to get dressed and make some coffee, while waiting for the poor soul to call her back. Just as she sat down on her couch with her hot, freshly brewed cup of coffee, her phone went off. She leaned over and picked up her phone, grinning as she took notice of the caller ID showing ‘Unknown Caller’.
“Hello?”
“Please! I don’t have that kind of money! Can we negotiate? I’ll do anything! Just take her back, please!”
XXXX
“I can’t believe they thought it was a good idea to kidnap you.”
“Hmm... It all worked out though, didn't it, Andrea?”
“Yes, Miranda. Now here’s what I want for our wedding...”
“I thought you wanted me to take you out on a date first and have our first kiss?”
“Oh do catch up, Miranda . We’ve already kissed and this is our date.”