Chapter Text
“Remember, don’t talk about the accident.” said Mikasa as she leaned forward and turned the key. The rumble of the engine cut off and the cab of the rental van descended into silence.
“I know Mika,” Eren rolled his eyes as he stared up at the tall building that would be his home for the next few years.
“And don’t talk about his mum.” She looked over to Armin, eyes creased in worry.
He placed a hand on her arm. “Don’t worry Mikasa, Eren is a subtle as a kick to the face but he’s not that callous. We’re grateful to Levi for letting us live here and want to respect his boundaries. Besides, I don’t know why any of us would want to talk about our parents.”
Mikasa’s lips pressed together into a thin line, sadness slipping into her eyes and the slump of her shoulders. “You’re right, I know you wouldn’t, he’s just started to get his life back together and I don’t want that to change. And remember to clean up after yourselves, not you Armin, but Eren. Your room in halls would have given him an aneurysm.”
Eren had been staring down at his iced coffee, as if the melting ice would hold the secret to navigating more collective personal trauma that a single household should ever have. “Thanks for the support Ar,” he replied, side-eying the blond, sarcasm starting to dip into his voice. Support with a side of criticism, very Armin. It wasn’t inaccurate though so Eren couldn’t really protest too much. “I don’t need to know any more than I already do. We’ve all got things that we’re trying to move forward from.” He reached over and squeezed her hand where it still gripped the wheel. “Anyway, this is supposed to be exciting! We’re out of halls and into our own place like semi functioning adults! I can’t wait to see the studio space. I’m also sweating my balls off and that stuff isn’t going to move itself.”
Armin opened the passenger side door of the cab and slid down gracefully to the ground. Eren bounced across from the middle seat and practically launched himself out before stretching his long limbs up to the sky. The drive from their halls to the other side of town, in sticky August evening rush hour traffic, had been unbearably slow. He felt his back pop as he wiggled his hips feeling satisfaction of the stretch in his tense muscles.
Unbeknownst to Eren, grey eyes behind mirrored silver lenses watched this display, leaning against the doorframe of the house. His eyes tracked up the long toned legs to the tight black bike shorts and baby blue vest with oversized splits in the side. As Eren twisted his body around, Levi saw that it had two cartoon rainbow dinosaurs on the front holding a sign saying ‘kiss who you want’. A delicious strip of skin was exposed on his side as he raised his arms and Levi couldn’t help but notice how the years of dancing had sculpted Eren’s body. He shook himself away from those more dangerous thoughts before walking over to the large van.
“So, all grown up brat. When did you get so tall?” Eren dropped his arms down and spun around.
“Levi! It’s so good to see you! It’s been too long!” Eren worried for a moment he’d already put his foot in it when there was a twitch of an eyebrow. His mind flicked back to the memory of Levi, eyes red-rimmed, in a cheap black suit, at the front of the church, as Eren held Mikasa’s hand while she cried. Levi’s gentle punch to his shoulder brought him back to the present.
“I didn’t know you cared so much brat.” he dead panned back, his face slipping back into its usual impassive state, hands slipping into the pockets of the oversized hoodie he wore. The zip was slightly pulled down, showing nothing underneath, leaving his collar bones exposed. Eren’s eyes dipped down briefly drifting across before quickly flicking back up to his face. He felt the start of a blush at the tips of his ears when Mikasa’s innate ability to know when he was in trouble perked up and saved him, coming around from the other side of the van.
“Hey cus” She bumped her arm into the side of Levi’s smiling warmly. He turned, bringing one arm around her into half a hug before letting go.
“You can have a real hug when you’re less sweaty. Disgusting” There was a trace of a smile in his voice which made Mikasa feel at ease.
“Hi Levi,” Armin said, coming to join them as Eren went to go and start unloading the truck. Manual labour wasn’t Armin’s strong suit and hoped to provide a more supervisory role.
It was late August in Trost. The weather had been stiflingly hot for days. Levi’s house was more towards the centre of the city and the historic streets pressed close together not allowing a breeze to pass. “Thanks for letting us be your housemates. I know we haven’t seen you much since we were small but we won’t be any trouble. Promise.”
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep Arlert” he replied just as a bang rang from inside the van. Armin winced.
“I didn’t specify all of us in that ‘we” he tried to recover, glancing over a Mikasa. “Eren’s always a law unto himself”
“Come on, we better help unload.” called Mikasa as she walked around to the back of the van. “While we still have things to unload!”
~*~
“Is that the last one?” Armin calls down to Mikasa as she slams the back door of the van, the door locks beeping and sliding shut.
“Yeah” She shifted the box back from her hip into her arms and walked up the short steps into the long hallway. “This one says ‘studio’. I’m not walking up all those stairs again. Eren! Come get your shit!”
“You called?” A mop of dark brown hair swung into view from the top of the narrow staircase.
“This is yours Eren and I’m not climbing up 3 floors right now, not even for you!” she said with a wink as he started to descend the stairs.
“No worries, I’ll do it.” he replied with a bright smile. The exertion of the day barely showing on his face. “Fancy ordering pizza, I don’t think anyone’s in the mood to cook. Besides, we didn’t bring that much food with us and we probably shouldn’t impose on Levi any more than we already are.”
“If he didn’t want us here, we wouldn’t be here.” She said, her voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. “Although you’re right, we don’t want to take the piss. Where is Levi anyway?”
“In the kitchen with Armin, I think, putting away the kitchenware. I’ll have my usual and I’ll be back down soon. If I don’t come back, avenge my death.” He disappeared back up the stairs.
~*~
Eren climbed the last stair and turned into the attic studio, putting the box down against one wall. The sun was starting to set and the orange light flooded through the large skylight windows in the roof, filling the room with warmth.
His barre had been set up against the wall next to a giant mirror he’d found in a house clearance earlier that summer. He had to do Armin’s washing for 2 weeks in exchange for helping him collect it across town as none of them owned a car. There were interlocking foam mats with weights and kettlebells in one corner, clearly Levi still worked out. He turned around and looked at Levi’s half of the room. The side closest to the door had a long work bench stretching across the width of the room. A computer took up residence in one corner with a large brown leather computer chair in front of it. It looked more like an armchair than a desk chair with its deep padded seat. Art supplies were neatly filed in labelled draws underneath the bench. Above them at the opposite side of the bench to the computer was a kettle, jars of tea and a few cups. There were a few canvases partially hidden behind a battered dark red leather sofa.
Above the desk was the only messy part of the room. Mounted onto the brickwork was a corkboard that covered most of the exposed space. Pinned all over was a montage of sketches, some more finished than others, and photographs. Eren walked over to look more closely and saw images of walls, towering giants, dark lush forests and monstrous gaping mouths ready to devour you whole.
“This is nightmare fuel” Eren muttered quietly to himself before going back to his half of the room, staring out of the skylight at the setting sun. Even though the day had been strenuous, carrying boxes, bags and furniture, he felt restless. He did a few quick stretches and brought up some of his practice music. He took his first position and then started to move to the delicate strings that filled the space. Eren felt himself lose himself in the music, in the curve of his arm as he brought it across his head, in the extension of his leg as he held the arabesque before setting into a series of turns. He felt his mind drift off to a quiet place where there was only the music and his body working together. He felt free.
He was so lost inside himself that he didn’t hear the creak of the ancient stairs or the dark gaze of the figure at the door. A deep voice brought him back to the present moment with a jolt.
“You never answered my question.”
Eren turned to see Levi standing watching him with interest. His face must have expressed confusion, what else is new, so Levi went on. “When did you get so big?”
Eren felt a flush come to his face as he looked down at his limbs as if they belonged to someone else. He had always been a wiry child, only a little taller than Armin, with green eyes almost too big for his face. He’d finally hit his growth spurt when he was 16, springing up to 6ft and filling out considerably with increased time in the studio preparing for college auditions and time in the gym.
“Ha ha, yeah,” Eren rubbed the nape of his neck before shrugging. “Well, the girls don’t like it when you drop them.” The elder man let out a snort, his lips almost twitching into the start of a smile.
“I remember you getting into fights you couldn’t win, you could probably give them a run for their money now, Jaeger.”
“It’s one of the reasons mum got me into dance lessons, tried to channel all my… energy… into something more positive.”
“Did it work?” Levi tilted his head to one side, questioningly.
“No,” Eren gave a self deprecating smile and shrugged. “Really, it just traded one set of fights for another. I didn’t go looking for it anymore but if you plug in LGBT plus ballet plus your sister historically winning all your fights for you into the social equation of high school you can probably imagine the results. You know I could never back down from a fight.”
“Tsk, people are idiots. Lots of better reasons to hate someone.”
“You’re right there. Besides, Armin had it worse and I couldn’t just let him have it.” He laughed awkwardly. He’d always found Levi hard to read and years apart had left him unable to decipher the expression on his face. “You gotta keep moving forward though, right?”
“Right” Levi replied quietly before seeming to snap back from the thoughts he’d been lost in. “The pizza should be here soon. Mikasa told me to come and find you. There’s wine.”
Eren’s eyes lit up and he bent to pick up his phone from the floor and paused the music. “Show me the way!” he exclaimed, beaming at Levi.
~*~
“Thanks!” Eren called to the delivery driver as he closed the door with his hip. His arms were piled with pizza boxes and a few smaller ones containing sides. The house was in the historic part of Trost, it had exposed beams throughout its exterior. There was the narrow staircase that ran parallel to a long corridor leading to the kitchen at the back of the house. The houses looked so narrow and squashed in from the front to Eren, compared to his childhood home in the countryside outside of Shiganshina, but extended back deceptive far making the rooms quite spacious all connected via a long corridor that ran the length of the house.
Carrying a number of objects had never been Eren’s strong suit and he had been concentrating so hard on keeping the sides and dips balanced as he walked that he failed to duck, banging his head on the thick beam that ran across the top of the kitchen door. Eren staggered back a few paces, boxes wobbling ominously before he steadied himself by leaning against the wall. “Ow” he said mournfully, hoping to elicit sympathy over ridicule from his friends and from Levi.
“Eren?” he heard Mika’s concerned voice called out from the kitchen. He then regretted saying anything.
“Nothing!” Maybe they hadn’t heard the thump, maybe he would be able to play it off. He could hear Armin’s lo-fi music drifting through to the hallway. His head throbbed and he felt the flush of embarrassment heat the tips of his ears. The hope he could play it off died a death as Levi let out what could be considered a snort as he put the boxes down on the large oak table that the three were sitting around.
“What?” He looked up meeting the cool gaze. His eyes flicked over to Armin who winced. “What?” He said more emphatically while reaching up with his now free hand to gently touch his forehead. His fingers traced the start of a bump and he inwardly cringed as he slid into a chair. Smooth Jaeger.
“You’ve got a bit of a….” Armin trailed off gesturing in a circle on his forehead.
“I didn’t see the beam.” His head was starting to throb. “Why are they so low anyway?” he protested, rubbing his head.
“Sounds like tall people problems to me, Brat” his face was impassive but there was a teasing tone to his voice. Levi stood and walked around the table to Eren who turned in his chair to face him, looking up at him with a clear question in his eyes.
“Can I touch your face?”
“Uh.. yes?”
Levi’s pale, elegant fingers gently pressed around the evident lump. “How does that feel?”
“Sore” Eren admitted. Levi put a hand into his pocket and pulled out his phone. He fiddled with it and the flash lit up.
“Look at me and cover one eye” Levi looked across the table at Mikasa. “There’s peas in the freezer, could you get them?” She nodded, moving across the kitchen to retrieve them. Levi looked back at Eren, gazing deep into his eyes before quickly shining the light in Eren’s eye and then flicking it away. “Swap” Levi gestured at his hand and he followed obediently before repeating the process. “Follow my finger” Eren’s eyes followed the tip of Levi’s index finger as he moved it back and forth. He then reached out and touched Eren’s chin to make Eren look up at him. His skin tingled at the contact and he looked into Levi’s level gaze, he felt transfixed looking up. It felt like Levi was looking into his very soul as he stared into Eren’s wide blue-green eyes. Sinking into the oceanic depths.
“Will he live?” asked Mikasa sarcastically, gently placing the bag of frozen peas on Eren’s forehead.
“Jeez Mika, that’s cold!” Eren complained, holding the bag to his face.
“Why thank you Mikasa, you’re so kind, I’m so glad you’re my devoted sister!” She teased, going back to her seat.
“No lasting damage.” replied Levi, the strange, intense moment was broken and Levi was going back to his own chair. Eren could still feel where his cool fingers had pressed into his skin.
“How do you know how to check for a concussion as an arts student?” enquired Armin as he spread out the pizza boxes and lifted the lids on the sides.
“If you do full contact sports for long enough, you learn.”
Mikasa shot Armin a look across the table and gave an imperceptive shake of her head to not press this line of enquiry any further.
“Of course, makes perfect sense. Which dips are vegan, Mikasa?” he said quickly changing the subject. She handed over a few of the little tubs while Armin grabbed the smallest pizza box. “I guess you don’t want me to share?” A knowing smile twitched at the edges of his lips.
“Tch, wouldn’t want to deprive you of your only pizza, Blondie” Levi said quickly pulling the barbeque chicken towards himself and taking out a large slice. “So, vegan. Interesting choice?” Levi tipped his head back slightly to take a large bite. Eren’s eyes were drawn to his mouth as he licked the sauce that clung to his lips. Sisters, when had he become so thirsty? He distracted himself by piling chicken strips onto his place and trying to open a dip one handed.
“I went down a rabbit hole about the environmental impact of industrial farming and just couldn’t bring myself to eat animal products anymore.” replied Armin as he poured himself more wine.
Next to him, Mikasa let out a snort. Levi raised an eyebrow that prompted her to go on. “Well, that’s one of your reasons.” She took a large sip of wine.
“If you want to know anymore, I have to be a few more glasses in.” A faint blush spread across Armin’s pale cheeks. “You could always ask Eren.” Eren dutifully choked on his bite of pizza and Levi had to reach across to slap him firmly on the back.
“It’s really not my story to tell.” He felt the blush return with a vengeance. “Speaking of wine, gimmie!” Eren flailed his arm across the table to indicate the wine bottle should be passed, nearly knocking Levi’s glass over in the process.
“Careful, brat! You’re a walking disaster zone, I thought ballet dancers were meant to be graceful” He nudged Eren in the ribs with an outstretched finger. “Wine’s probably not the best idea.” He reached up to lift up the bag of peas. His fingers brushed Eren’s for a moment and warmth spread across his ice cold finger tips. “Humm, maybe 10 more minutes.”
Mikasa frowned from the other side of the table, dinner seemed to be turning into a figurative and literal minefield. You couldn’t take Eren anywhere… “Eren, when are the auditions for the Winter Show?” she asked, trying to steer the ship of conversation back to safer waters.
“In a couple of weeks, I need to practice an audition piece. We’re doing Matthew Borne’s Swan Lake this year which has a nearly all male cast. It’s a great chance to really show myself as a dancer. Not that I mind partnering with the girls of course but sometimes you can feel like a prop.” He shrugged. “I really want to be the lead swan but I know everyone’s going for that part, including Jean. Surely looking like a horse should disqualify him?”
Armin rolled his eyes at Eren’s ongoing feud. “Did you have any thoughts?”
“I might reuse some of the choreography from my end of year solo, although I want to add some more tricks, up the difficulty and I need to work on my turnout.” Eren smiled to himself for a moment. “Jean should be the prince, he’s so repressed anyway! Urgh, although then we’ll have to pretend to be in love” The smile morphed into scowl.
“Oh to be inside your head Eren, it must be an experience.” Armin laughed, shoving his last piece of pizza in his mouth. “I might go upstairs and try and sort my room out enough to sleep in. It’s been a long day, thank you Levi for helping us carry things in.”
“That’s alright. Can we all meet tomorrow and discuss bills and the cleaning rotation.” said Levi.
“Cleaning rotation” Eren parroted back flatly.
“It’s non-negotiable, consider it an act of service to make up for the lack of rent.” His expression seemed to simultaneously dare Eren to complain further while also implying a painful death if he did.
“Sure.” Eren tried to make himself sound convincing. Organisation did not come naturally to him but how could he argue? Not having to pay rent anymore meant that he didn’t need to get a part time job and so have more time to practice and maybe even sleep this semester. His father had always wanted his children to complete their higher education and so in his will, their trusts would only be released on their graduation. “Good night Armin!”
Mikasa let out a yawn. “I might do the same, my sheets are still in an unknown box and sleeping on a bare mattress in this heat doesn’t sound pleasant. Also, I need to get the van back by 8 or we’ll be charged for another day.”
“I’ll stay down for a bit, I’m not done with the pizza.” Announced Eren, as he took his 4th slice.
“Alright,” She smiled fondly as Eren shoved the slice in his mouth. “Night Eren, night Levi.”
Levi paused and sipped his wine thoughtfully. Perhaps unprepared to shoulder the burden of sustaining conversation. He’d been a quiet child out of necessity which had turned into a reserved man, only able to express himself other ways. “So, would you wear a tutu?”
Eren tipped his head back and laughed. He then regretted it as it made his head throb. “Ha, no, not that I would mind, they're pretty epic.” He set the now slightly melted bag of peas on the kitchen table and gently reached up to touch his face. The bump felt like it had gone down a bit. “No, we wear these sort of tasselled feathered trousers with a high waist. The rest is just body paint. It’s pretty extra but the effect looks really good from the audience.”
“Humm, sounds” Levi took a slight pause “interesting.” He turned his chair to face Eren, kicking his feet up to lean on the edge of Eren’s chair. “What happens in the show?”
“So! It starts with the young Prince having this wild dream about a swan” Eren took a big breath, his face becoming more animated than normal. “The evil Private Secretary despairs over this repressed Prince’s love life so pays off a girl to be his beard. Anyway, this gets found out and the Prince’s heart breaks at the end of act 1 thinking he’ll be forever alone. Then act 2 is a wild fever dream of the Prince going to a lake of swans and getting really close to the Lead Swan. Sure you want to know this? I know ballet isn’t for everyone” He studied Levi’s face, searching for a clue as to the other man’s feelings. Eren knew he could be a bit too intense.
“Tch, I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to know.” He leant back further in his chair, tilting his head to rest on the chair back.
“Ok, but it gets weirder” he went on, giving Levi another chance to get out. Levi made a gesture for Eren to continue.
“So, there’s a big party and the Private Secretary’s, Von Rothbart’s, son” Eren leaned over conspiratorially. “He’s the black swan and he makes a big entrance and starts flirting with the court, particularly the Queen. The Prince feels there’s something about the swan he fell in love with in Von Rothbart’s son but is shocked by the behaviour towards his mum. Things escalate quickly and then the son ends up making out with the Queen in the middle of the dance floor.”
“Shocking” Levi suddenly cuts in dryly. Eren paused in his retelling but there’s a small curve at the edge of Levi’s lip that gave him the courage to carry on.
“Well, if you think that’s shocking, you’ll love what comes next!” He proclaimed, the wild grin spreading back onto his face. “So, the Prince pulls a gun at the Queen and Von Rothbart pulls a gun on the Prince and there’s shots fired but the Girlfriend jumps in front of the Prince before he’s shot and dies. Mind fucked by this turn of events we now see the Prince in a mental institution. He’s visited by the Lead Swan and they dance showing they’re still in love before all the other swans come in and then Lead Swan is pecked to death before the Prince collapses on the bed. The ballet finishes showing them being reunited in death. It’s pretty wild.”
“I never knew Ballet was so… wild, perhaps that is the best term. Are the public allowed to see the performance?”
“Why, you wanna come now?” Eren replied incredulously.
“Well, after you made it sound so… wild… how could I resist? If you get the lead of course, I have no interest seeing you waddle around at the back.”
“No pressure then!” Eren let out a self deprecating laugh.
“I’m sure you’ll rise to the occasion, brat.” He wished he knew how to interpret Levi. He was still relearning the subtle shifts of his face that told you how to take his comments. Eren wondered if he was hoping to see more than was there. Levi was probably just feigning an interest to be polite.
“Thank you for letting me share your studio space.” Eren said suddenly, trying to shift the conversation. “I know artists like their space and you’re letting me invade it.” Levi looked at Eren curiously at this sudden moment of empathetic gratitude. Eren blushed and felt the urge to look away. He wondered if somehow by being polite he’d put his foot in it.
“Tch, don’t make me regret it then, brat.” Levi finally replied, swirling the wine in his glass before taking a sip. “Besides, I’m not in there much during the day, we might not see much of each other.”
Eren felt himself deflate and then question why? Surely he should be happy that he wouldn’t be imposing? “Oh, why not?” he finally said and then felt awkward about the question so tried to cover. “I would have thought you’d want the light, isn’t that what all artists are obsessed with?”
“There is beauty in the shadow.” Levi replied before letting out a short laugh. “Shit that sounded pretentious, although not untrue I suppose. I struggle to sleep and so I try and work instead. Get the images out of my head and into something tangible.”
“I can understand that, I feel that way about dancing too. Sometimes I feel like my skin is crawling, my muscles twitch and I just have to move. When I’m dancing I feel so free, my head’s quiet because my body is expressing my feelings.”
“Now who sounds pretentious?” Levi teased. Eren’s growing unease clearly showed on his face. “You look like I took a shit on your birthday cake. It was a joke, Jaeger.” Eren just blinked his large confused doe eyes at him “Lose your sense of humour when you banged your head?”
“Ha, yeah of course, sorry, it’s been a long day” Eren babbled out. He so desperately wanted Levi to like him.
When their families had spent more time together, he was a gangly teenager and Levi heading towards his 20s, boyfriend on his arm working his way into a fighting career. He’d always been friendly towards Eren but not close, however much Eren had watched from afar. Seeing Levi be openly out had given Eren the confidence to open up about his own sexuality and being here, in the same house, gave him the same flutter in his chest as it did 5 years ago. Except now they were both adults, it could really happen. Eren squashed that hope deep down inside. Levi clearly thought he was an idiot child at this point between his inability to walk from one side of the house to the other without injury and now his inability to string a coherent sentence.
Levi’s face frowned in confusion and he leant forward in the chair. “Eren, are you have a stroke?”
Eren broke out of his thoughts at the mention of his name. “Sisters, no, I’m sorry. Fuck, I swear I’m not this weird. Maybe it was the bump. Maybe I should go to bed too.” He started to get up, grabbing his phone before going over to the sink to get a glass of water. Taking a moment to try and gather himself before turning back to Levi still sat in the chair. Eren almost felt like Levi looked disappointed but brushed it off.
“I’m going to go up to the studio.” In a dramatic flourish, Levi swiped the half full wine bottle from the table. He looked back over at Eren who was now leaning against the sink. His mouth opened and closed as if he was going to say something before deciding against it. “Good night Eren”
“Night Levi” he echoed back.