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🎶🎶🎶
Matsuno Chifuyu was 12 years old when he met Baji Keisuke.
Though that was not really the first time he bumped into the older male who had saved him from those pricks.
This first time they talked was when Chifuyu thought Baji could be a possible threat to him at school.
Imagined Chifuyu’s shock when he found the said delinquent dressed up like a poindexter.
But Baji was clearly not a poindexter when he went back to Baji’s class after school ended to see the ‘nerd’ writing a letter.
“What’s this supposed to mean?” Chifuyu asked, amused when the older struggled to read his own handwriting.
“Tora. That one reads Tora.” Baji grinned, proud.
Chifuyu was even more amused at that.
“That’s not how you write Tora.” Chifuyu laughed a little, taking Baji’s pen and writing the correct way of writing ‘Tora’ on another piece of paper.
Baji gaped in awe, as if Chifuyu just made a huge discovery.
“You’re a good dude!” Baji concluded out of nowhere, grinning as his fangs peeked out of his grin.
Chifuyu chuckled at that random conclusion, helping out Baji in a few other mistakes before excusing himself.
In that same evening, a few pricks ganged up on Chifuyu.
Lucky enough, Baji came to help Chifuyu when Chifuyu was clearly losing in both numbers and strength.
The pricks each have a weapon after all.
“Ganging up on one guy with weapons? You guys are the worst.” Baji had said when he arrived at the scene, grinning as he offered the blonde help.
“Wait- this is no place for a poindexter-”
Before anyone could foresee it, Baji had smacked a dude’s face who had tried to sneak attack him.
Taking off his glasses, Chifuyu’s eyes widen, amazed how wild Baji immediately looked as soon as he took off his glasses and let his hair down from that lame ponytail of his.
“Baji Keisuke,
Captain of the first division of Toman.” was what Baji proudly said before beating every one of the pricks without any weapons with ease.
During the whole time, Chifuyu had only stayed back, a bit too in awe to help or just do anything.
Once everyone except Chifuyu and Baji were half-unconscious, Baji finally turned to Chifuyu and grinned before claiming,
“In our gang, we protect our friends and will defend them no matter what.”
Pointing at Chifuyu, Baji continued,
“Chifuyu’s my friend, so you guys should remember to not mess with him from now on!”
After that very much touching ‘speech’, Baji turned away from the pricks and looked at Chifuyu, grinning,
“Do you like peyoung yakisoba?”
Chifuyu forgot what’s a peyoung yakisoba for a second.
“Y-yeah.” Chifuyu answered politely.
And like that, the two of them made their way to Baji’s place.
When Chifuyu realised Baji had actually lived on the fifth floor of the same building as his apartment, Chifuyu was surprised.
Surprised was actually an understatement.
Shouldn't Chifuyu have at least seen Baji once?
“Mom! I’m home!” Baji exclaimed, opening the door to his apartment.
Chifuyu paled when he noticed how worried and scared Baji’s mother had looked.
Did someone break in-?
“Keisuke! How many times have I told you to go home as soon as school ended?! And skipping today’s appointment too? Honey, I know you wanna live like Manjirou-kun and all, but you have to at least go to these appointments I’m paying for-” Baji’s mother stopped talking when she noticed there’s someone else with Baji that she’s not familiar with.
“Who’s this?” Baji’s mother asked, a strained smile on her lips.
“A new friend I made. Do we have peyoung yakisoba?” Baji asked, urging Chifuyu to come in as the older made his way to what Chifuyu assumed as a kitchen.
“Yeah, but we only have one packet left.” Baji’s mother answered, staring at Chifuyu with an unreadable look in her eyes.
That look made Chifuyu stop following Baji, the blonde turning to Baji’s mother.
“Umm… is everything okay?” Chifuyu asked, not sure what he should call Baji’s mother.
Baji’s mother stared some more, her eyes suddenly tearing up as she placed a hand on Chifuyu’s shoulder,
“You… a new friend Keisuke made?” she said, voice trembling.
Chifuyu was not taught how to treat ladies that are crying-
“Y-yeah…” Chifuyu opted to say.
A pause.
“Can you… really stay by Keisuke’s side?” Baji’s mother asked, eyes looking dead into Chifuyu’s eyes.
Chifuyu didn’t really understand the question.
Stay by Baji’s side?
Chifuyu pondered what Baji’s mother wanted to hear.
“I… I don’t know about others but… Seeing how cool he was just now really made me want to follow him.” Chifuyu decided, smiling a little at the end of his sentence.
…
Follow, huh?
Baji’s mother stayed quiet for a few seconds before suddenly pulling the blonde into a hug, patting Chifuyu’s back as she whispered,
“….then, please keep on seeing him as cool.”
Chifuyu was slightly confused, slightly was honestly an understatement, but he still hugged the older woman anyway.
By the time they’ve separated from the hug, the smell of peyoung yakisoba wafted through the air and reached Chifuyu’s nose.
As a response, Chifuyu’s stomach grumbled.
Chifuyu blushed, embarrassed as Baji’s mother giggled.
“Let’s fill your stomach up, eh?” Baji’s mother smiled, guiding Chifuyu to the kitchen.
The three of them ended up talking at the dinner table after that, Chifuyu finding out that Baji only lived with his mother.
The two only have each other to depend on.
“What about you, Chifuyu-kun?” Baji’s mother asked, a warm smile directed at the blonde.
“Don’t know.” Chifuyu murmured, recalling his mother that was in the hospital and his father who’s working hard to pay for her medical bills and Chifuyu’s education.
Based on Baji’s mother’s pursed lips, Chifuyu knew the woman had figured out Chifuyu didn’t really have such a good family, thus immediately changing the topic.
By the time the three of them stopped talking, they were already comfortable with each other.
“I’m gonna walk Chifuyu back to his apartment, Mom.” Baji had said, wrapping an arm around Chifuyu’s shoulders when his mom shouted an ‘okay’ from the kitchen.
“You don’t have to walk me out, Baji-san.” Chifuyu scowled as they descended the stairs, heading to Chifuyu’s apartment that was on the second floor.
“I wanna. This might be the last time we talk anyway.” Baji said, laughing.
Chifuyu would’ve laughed along if it wasn’t for Baji’s words.
“Why wouldn’t we talk again later?” Chifuyu asked, stopping in his tracks on the stairs as he tilted his head in confusion.
Baji contemplated.
“I really wanna tell you, but you’re such a good guy and I- I don’t wanna lose you.” Baji finally said, breaking the silence.
Huh?
“Tell me what?” Chifuyu pressed, observing Baji’s actions.
…
“I’m gonna make it short. And clear. If you… don’t wanna talk to me anymore after this, it’s cool.” Baji murmured, taking a step closer to Chifuyu who stayed rooted on the stairs.
…
“Most people just stopped befriending me after hearing this, so uhh… don’t feel bad if you don’t wanna get involved as well. I understand where they’re coming from anyway.” Baji started, chuckling sadly.
“Just tell me.” Chifuyu urged, still trying to make eye contact with Baji.
Baji finally made eye contact after that, eyes determined as he said,
“I’m gonna die when I’m 20. Or if I’m lucky, it might be a little bit later. Around 24? I think.”
…
“What-”
“There’s this genetic disease that runs in my… uhh family. I don’t really know the details, but uhhh… it’s called cystic fibrosis? Whatever the fuck that was. My mother insisted that I do rehabs and all that shit but I don’t wanna waste my life in the hospital. The rehabs aren’t even sure to work anyway. There’s like, low chance of me surviving. So, yeah. That’s it. It’s okay if you don’t wanna be friends any-”
“Why would I stop befriending you just because of that?”
Baji’s eyes widened when Chifuyu had cut him off, the younger male staring hard at Baji.
“Well, people usually would avoid befriending people who’s on their deathbed-”
“Then you’re saying I should act like my mother didn’t exist?”
Chifuyu hated it.
Why was he acting childish in front of the 13 year old male he had just met?
Why was he pissed?
Why was he directing his anger at Baji?
Why why why-
“Your… mother?” Baji trailed off, a look of understanding in his eyes, probably realising why his mother dropped the topic about parents after Chifuyu had smiled a bit too strained.
Chifuyu took a deep breath.
“Yeah… my mother… cancer…” Chifuyu mumbled, knowing he’ll cry if he said more.
Fortunately enough, Baji seemed to understand.
“My mom wouldn’t like talking about my disease either.” Baji laughed, the sound a mix of understanding and a bit of bitterness.
Right…
They were talking about Baji.
Bowing down suddenly, Chifuyu apologised, saying how inconsiderate he was to raise his voice at someone older than him.
“You don’t have to apologise. I shouldn’t have straight up assumed you are like other people, too.” Baji said in response, chuckling as he ruffled through Chifuyu’s hair.
The younger warmed up at the gesture, realising how much he actually missed head pats.
His parents were usually the ones to give head pats.
“I changed my mind, Chifuyu.” Baji suddenly said, retracting his hand as Chifuyu stood up straight.
“About what?”
Baji hooked his arm around Chifuyu’s shoulders, dragging the younger as he asked Chifuyu which was Chifuyu’s apartment.
Once in front of Chifuyu’s apartment, Baji grinned, the brightest grin Chifuyu had seen ever since meeting Baji.
“I’m gonna stick to you like glue from now on. So don’t you dare regret it.” Baji claimed, grinning wider and wider as time passed by.
Chifuyu bursted out laughing at that.
“What’s so funny??”
“You’re just- stick to me like glue? Really?”
“Yeah. Will definitely stick to you like glue.”
The two of them went inside Chifuyu’s apartment after that, Baji insisting his mother wouldn’t worry.
“At least go back and tell her or something. She’s gonna be worried.” Chifuyu kept on saying, understanding Baji’s mother point of view.
Chifuyu would be worried too if he found out his mother had gone missing all of a sudden.
“Fineee.” Baji scowled, sprinting out of Chifuyu’s apartment only to be back in a literal seconds later.
“I’ve told her-”
“I couldn’t possibly believe that, Baji-san-”
“Trust me a little, Fuyu! Here’s a note as proof!” Baji panted, handing a note to Chifuyu.
“Hmmm very good evidence you got here.” Chifuyu chuckled, taking the note and immediately noticed that the neat handwriting was definitely not Baji’s.
“You just thought that handwriting is too pretty to be mine, didn’t you?” Baji asked, squinting his eyes.
“Maybe?” Chifuyu laughed, pocketing the note he had read before taking a seat on his living room’s couch, Baji following close.
The note saying ‘please convince Keisuke to go to rehabs’ was definitely from Baji’s mother.
The two of them ended up talking for hours until it was morning, just chatting about the most random things.
And, apparently, about one thing they shared in common.
“How… is your mother? I mean, you don’t have to answer if-”
“She’s actually doing better. Not the best, but she’s getting better.”
Chifuyu stared when the older smiled.
“It’s nice… having someone to talk to about these things.” Baji said, more to a whisper.
Chifuyu suddenly recalled a few words Baji’s mother had said when they reached Baji’s apartment and her note.
“Baji-san.”
Baji raised an eyebrow at Chifuyu’s sudden serious demeanour.
“Does anyone else know about your… condition?” Chifuyu questioned, intertwining his fingers together.
…
“Well, Toman’s founding members know. Them only.” Baji mumbled.
Oh.
Chifuyu almost forgot Baji was supposed to be in a gang.
He really was living out his teen years.
“Do they… encourage you to go to rehabs?” Chifuyu asked another question, almost backing out when Baji’s eyebrows furrowed at Chifuyu.
“No. I told them I don’t want to. Don’t want them to see me at my worst or some shit.”
Chifuyu knew it.
“So that’s the reason you wouldn’t go to rehab!” Chifuyu claimed, thinking.
“What are you gonna do about it?” Baji asked, disliking where the conversation was going.
“How about…
I accompany you to your rehabs-?”
“No.” Baji deadpanned.
“Come on! It’s not that hard! You’re my glue, remember? You’re supposed to stick with me! All I have to do is walk to the hospital and you’ll have to follow me!” Chifuyu said, grinning at how smart he was.
Baji scowled at that.
“Why do rehabs when I can beat people up instead?” Baji retorted, crossing his arms over his chests.
“Because beating people up is tiring. Aren’t you tired?”
“No. In fact, I enjoy watching people suffer.”
…
“Sadist.”
“No am not.”
Chifuyu sighed.
“Like you’ve said, trust meee!” Chifuyu tried one last time, blinking his eyes repeatedly.
“You’re not one to break promises, are you? You promised you would be my glue!” Chifuyu added.
Chifuyu wanted Baji to get rehab at least.
He knew his mother was so bedridden because she had the same mindset as Baji after all.
“… I’m starting to regret saving you…” Baji groaned after a moment of silence, slumping against the couch.
Chifuyu only grinned at that, of course.
“Is that a yes, I heard?” Chifuyu smiled, knowing he won the argument.
When he heard Baji make a sound of defeat, Chifuyu grinned wider, having something new to look forward to aside from his mother’s health.
“Though since you said you’ll stick to me like glue… I have something else to add then.” Baji said, determined.
“And that is?”
“Since I’m gonna die anyway, -please don’t give me that look- I have several conditions you’ll have to do.”
…
“Rehabs are literally for your own sake-”
“But it takes something precious from me. Time. I’m running out of time.” Baji said.
Chifuyu hated that statement for some reason.
“What are these conditions you speak of?” Chifuyu asked.
Baji grinned.
“You know I have a bucket list, right? Like, everyone who’s dying has it.”
Baji flicked Chifuyu’s forehead when the blonde scowled.
“You can’t deny it. Everyone does have a bucket list. Especially people dying.” Baji said casually.
“So… I’m assuming I’ll have to do stuff with you?” Chifuyu figured.
“Exactly!” Baji beamed.
Huh.
That’s easy.
“Sure.” Chifuyu agreed without a second thought.
Baji blinked a few times.
“You sure you don’t wanna see the list first-”
“No no I’m good. We’ll do them along the way.” Chifuyu said, really not giving it a second thought.
Baji stared some more before he grinned,
“It’s a deal then.”
“Yeah.”
…
…
“Why are you so quiet all of a sudden-”
“Number. Gimme your number.” Baji said, taking out his phone.
“Okay?” Chifuyu typed his number on Baji’s phone.
Chifuyu stared as Baji saved Chifuyu’s number as-
“There. You’re my boyfriend now.”
…
The fu-
“Wha-”
“I did ask you again for confirmation if you wanna see my bucket list.” Baji got the nerve to smirk.
The audacity-
“Hmm I think I’ll call you Fuyu from now on. Yeah yeah. I’ll do that. Call me Kei.” Baji grinned, amused as Chifuyu flushed.
“Wha- But- you’re not joking? At all?” Chifuyu asked again.
Baji smiled.
“Nope.”
…
Okay, okay, Chifuyu’s calm-
“Call me Kei alreadyyy!” Baji teased, an amused grin on his lips.
…
What did Chifuyu just sign up for-
“Aight I guess I won’t go to rehab-”
“KEI!” Chifuyu ended up calling out, flushing when he realised he had used the nickname Baji told him to use.
“Great! Nice! I actually like how it sounded on your lips!” Baji grinned, taking out his phone and-
“Is your bucket list on your phone?” Chifuyu asked.
Baji nodded.
“Having you here, I’ve managed to do tons of them already.” Baji said, proud.
…
“So your bucket list was probably to get a boyfriend or a girlfriend and get him or her to call you a nickname?”
…
“Yeah… childish, isn’t it?” Baji laughed, dry.
Chifuyu frowned at that.
“Of course not.” Chifuyu denied.
“It’s your bucket list. So you do you. Having a lover when you’re 13 is kinda…”
Chifuyu got smacked at the back of his head after that.
“Well, gotta get the chance to get one while I can.” Baji mumbled.
“Do you not mind that I don’t even like you in that way?” Chifuyu asked.
Baji stared at Chifuyu.
“I’ll make you fall for me then.” Baji said, a smirk on his lips.
Chifuyu didn’t know why he felt so threatened-
“Anyway! There’s another thing you can do for me.” Baji added, scrolling his phone.
…
“And that is…?”
“Be my vice captain.”
🎶🎶🎶
“So this is Chifuyu?” Mikey asked, smiling.
Chifuyu didn’t know why he felt so irked.
“Yeah. This is him. He’ll be my vice captain from now on.” Baji grinned, an arm around Chifuyu’s shoulders as he ruffled the blonde’s hair.
Right. They met Mikey as soon as Baji brought up one of his bucket list’s point.
To have a vice captain.
“What makes him different from others? You’ve always been picky on who’ll get to be your vice captain.” Mikey asked, curious.
Baji grinned.
Despite only meeting the older captain a few hours ago, Chifuyu already knew what Baji wanted to say.
“Because he’s my boyf-”
“LOOKING FORWARD TO WORKING WITH YOU!” Chifuyu cut Baji off instead, surprising Baji and Mikey.
“…that’s one energetic vice captain you got there.” Mikey laughed, patting Chifuyu’s head.
“Welcome to the gang then.” Mikey welcomed, walking away and towards other Toman’s executives.
Right…
Tokyo Manji Gang.
It even has executives.
Nice.
“Yo! Everyone! We got a new guy over here.” Mikey said, effectively pulling Chifuyu out of his thoughts.
Chifuyu grinned when the rest of the executives greeted him, Chifuyu politely introducing himself while the others introduced themselves too.
It was fun and all until he noticed Baji was not beside him.
Excusing himself, Chifuyu walked around for a while, trying to think of places Baji would’ve gone too.
“Don’t mind Baji. He’s always disappearing and appearing whenever he likes.” Mitsuya had said, ruffling Chifuyu’s hair.
Though Chifuyu still went to try and find the captain of the first division anyway.
It took Chifuyu hours of searching for Baji until Chifuyu found that Baji was sleeping on a bench in an empty playground.
“Geez… people will think you’re homeless if you sleep out here…” Chifuyu murmured, approaching the sleeping male.
Crouching down, Chifuyu took the moment to stare at Baji’s face for a while.
He looked so… normal.
Will he really die so young-
“Falling for my looks yet?”
Baji’s voice instantly dragged Chifuyu out of the younger’s thoughts.
Falling on his butt, Chifuyu yelped, scowling when Baji had laughed.
“Who laughs when their boyfriend falls?” Chifuyu grumbled, yet immediately flushing when he realised he had mentioned their relationship.
A hand on his wrist pulling him up momentarily made Chifuyu forget how he had called Baji his boyfriend.
“Up you go.” Baji chuckled, patting Chifuyu’s cheek two times before pinching it.
The older laughed when Chifuyu’s scowl deepened.
“I can’t believe you didn’t let me tell everyone that we’re boyfriends.” Baji said when they started walking back to their apartment building.
“We’re literally 12 and 13. How about telling them when we’re older? Maybe when you’re… 16? And I’m 15?” Chifuyu suggested.
“Are you saying you’ll stay in a relationship with me even after years?” Baji teased, but it didn’t really give the desired effect on Chifuyu.
Instead, Chifuyu had smiled,
“Of course. I’ll be yours until you’re finally healthy.” Chifuyu beamed, surprising Baji who had felt his heart skip a beat.
“… really?”
“Yeah! Obviously. I meant, I would’ve loved my mom better, treat her better and help her better if I could. But I can’t cuz she’s in the hospital. So before I regret not saving you, here’s an effort made by me.” Chifuyu said, a soft meaningful smile on his lips.
…
“Say, Fuyu.”
“Yeah?”
“Wanna read my list?”
“What list?”
“My bucket list, idiot.”
🎶🎶🎶
Chifuyu’s finally 15. And Baji’s 16.
A few years ago, Baji had got together with Chifuyu.
Even after three years, they were still in a relationship.
Problem?
Baji didn’t know if Chifuyu had finally fallen for him or not.
True to his words, Chifuyu had been there during the times Baji went for rehabs.
No matter what time, Chifuyu stuck to him like glue.
“Kei?”
Chifuyu’s sleepy voice snapped Baji out of his thoughts, the black-haired male immediately pulling Chifuyu closer into his chest as he nuzzled into Chifuyu’s hair.
“Yeah?”
“… you really like cuddling-”
“I’ll do what I want, Fuyu.”
When Baji heard Chifuyu’ laughs, he immediately felt his heart skip.
He couldn’t believe it at first.
Falling in love with Matsuno Chifuyu was on his bucket list, since the younger was his boyfriend and all.
But falling for the younger too hard was not in Baji’s bucket list.
From the looks of it, things would be harder for Baji than he thought.
Just seeing Chifuyu made his heart beat faster.
He liked the way Chifuyu treated him like an equal, liked Chifuyu’s loyalty, honesty, strength, liked how considerate Chifuyu could be, liked how the younger always understood him.
He liked a lot of things about Chifuyu.
And he didn’t like that.
He didn’t like that he’ll probably have to leave Chifuyu behind.
He hated how the world suddenly didn’t look too cruel to live in with Chifuyu and his mother by his side.
In a way, Baji Keisuke hated Matsuno Chifuyu.
For making him like the world.
For making him fall in love.
For showing him what love is.
For existing.
For just… being… him.
Baji was supposed to leave the world without a care, not getting too deep into someone, just enjoying the friends he made along the way while he still had time.
Instead, Baji met Chifuyu.
Chifuyu who’s healthy, kind, considerate, loyal, trustworthy, strong, cute, fit very perfectly in Baji’s arms,
Chifuyu who’ll definitely outlive him.
Baji’s scared.
Half of his bucket list was done, all of them kinda childish yet Chifuyu still went through with each of them, for Baji anyway.
Baji kept on adding things he'd like to try, wanting to do more things with Chifuyu.
His lungs were getting slightly better, well, as better as a patient with cystic fibrosis could anyway.
Compared to when he was 14, he had coughed less this year, managed to exercise more and had no lung infections yet.
It was a good year. One of the most great years he had experienced.
With Chifuyu.
…
Chifuyu had fallen asleep again.
Baji let his fingers combed through Chifuyu’s blonde hair, humming a tune he knew Chifuyu liked.
…
Baji’s scared.
What if-
“Keiiii… you’re freaking out again, aren’t you?”
Baji was caught off guard when Chifuyu suddenly cupped his cheeks and placed kisses on his face, chuckling when Baji had instantly stopped tensing and furrowing his eyebrows.
“Everything’s gonna be fine, Kei. You went through all those rehabs. Surely it’ll give you extra years.” Chifuyu murmured, placing a peck on Baji’s lips.
Stop making him hope.
“I guess…” Baji murmured back against Chifuyu’s lips.
Chifuyu placed one last peck on Baji’s lips before suddenly standing up,
“Judging from your restless heartbeat, you won’t be sleeping anytime soon. So lemme just make some coffee we can enjoy while watching some new shoujo anime. There’s actually one in particular that I like.” Chifuyu suggested, smiling.
Baji hummed in approval, the blonde immediately running out of the room to make coffee.
Don't stay awake for too long, don't go to bed
I'll make a cup of coffee for your head
It'll get you up and going out of bed
🎶🎶🎶
“You guys have been together for how long now?” Hakkai asked, speechless as Chifuyu boasted.
“Since I’m 12!”
…
“Damn…” was the only thing Hakkai said after that.
It was Baji’s 16th birthday.
So Chifuyu decided to tell everyone that they’ve been in a relationship for almost 3 years.
Baji had always wanted to tell everyone anyway.
“Why didn’t you tell us sooner?!” Takemichi gasped, offended as he said ‘I’m your best friend and you lied to me?!’ dramatically.
“Well, getting into a relationship when you’re 12 is kinda too early… I don’t want to influence you guys or anything.” Chifuyu reasoned, grinning.
They were celebrating Baji’s birthday at Chifuyu’s house, seeing that he lived by himself and his apartment was actually decent.
When Baji excused himself and went to the bathroom, Chifuyu decided to tell everyone.
Cheers of ‘congratulations’ were immediately made, Chifuyu beaming and everyone and politely saying thank you.
Though he couldn’t possibly ignore the worried glances he received from Toman’s founding members.
So after telling everyone to just enjoy themselves, he made his way towards Baji’s childhood friend.
“Mikey-kun.” Chifuyu had said, voice soft as he smiled.
Mikey stared at him for a while, as if trying to figure out what Chifuyu’s thinking.
“… so you knew?” Mikey asked after a moment of silence.
Knowing the other founding members were listening too, Chifuyu nodded.
Draken then stood beside Mikey, followed by Mitsuya.
Chifuyu wanted to tell all of them something at once, but Pah-chin had fallen asleep on the couch while Kazutora was not around, the male not even coming to the party.
So Chifuyu decided to just tell the three of them.
“I don’t know if you guys have noticed or not, but Baji has been going to appointments, rehabs and getting treatment. He’s… getting better… I think.” Chifuyu explained, scratching the back of his head.
Draken stared, same went for Mikey and Mitsuya.
…
“You… you think he’ll make it?” Draken asked, voice slow as if he’s hesitating to ask the question.
I don’t know.
“If the world could be fair, just for once, then… Maybe he will.”
The world was never fair.
Yet Chifuyu still holds onto hope anyway.
As if they knew what Chifuyu actually felt, they kept quiet, smiling a little bit too sadly for Chifuyu’s liking.
“Stop smiling so sadly! It’s Kei’s- uhh Baji-san’s birthday! We all should be happy. Like he said, you guys are his treasures, after all.” Chifuyu tried to cheer the three males up, his smile feeling strained as seconds passed by.
Mikey was the first one to finally congratulate Chifuyu, endearingly ruffling Chifuyu’s hair before telling Draken he’ll be outside for a moment.
Draken hummed, patting Chifuyu’s back and saying a short ‘congrats!’ before going to disturb Takemichi.
Mitsuya didn’t seem like leaving anytime soon though.
…
“Chifuyu… do you… like him? Or is it just out of pity?” Mitsuya asked, breaking the silence that had enveloped them.
…
“You know, I didn’t plan to fall too hard. I do plan on liking him, because that's in his bucket list: to be loved by his lover. Before I knew it though, it was me who fell a little bit too hard… and now…
…and now I just can’t bear at the thought of losing him-”
Chifuyu hated how his voice cracked at the end of his sentence-
Mitsuya pulled Chifuyu into a hug, like an older brother comforting his younger siblings.
But Chifuyu didn’t need anyone comforting him.
He’s fine-
“Cry, Chifuyu. Cry tonight. After this, just stay by Baji’s side, okay? He would really love that.”
Cry?
Right.
Chifuyu’s actually crying-
“I’ll take it from here, Mitsuya.”
That familiar comforting voice immediately made Chifuyu scrambled to hide his tears.
Pulling himself out of Mitsuya’s embrace, he turned, was about to think of a reason to cover up the fact he was crying when he was pulled into a very, very, familiar hug.
Tears only streamed even more after that.
Stop tearing up stop tearing up stop tearing up-
“Fuyu and I are going out for a second, yeah?” Baji shouted over the music, the others immediately whistled.
“Not doing weird stuff, jackasses.” Baji cackled, putting his hoodie on Chifuyu and covering the blonde’s tear-stained face.
After Baji had thanked everyone for coming to the party that night, the couple walked out of Chifuyu’s apartment and headed to the staircase, stopping at the bottom of it.
“Sit down.” Baji murmured, ushering Chifuyu to sit on the last step of the stairs.
Baji crouched down in front of Chifuyu, wiping the tears staining Chifuyu’s cheeks as he chuckled,
“Since when did you start hiding your tears away from me? You’re supposed to let me see all sides of you, remember?” Baji whispered, placing kisses all over Chifuyu’s face.
That especially didn’t help Chifuyu to stop himself from crying.
“I didn’t cry.” Chifuyu stubbornly said, despite the tears streaming down his cheeks.
Baji laughed at that.
“My lungs are the ones not functioning. Not my eyes.” Baji joked, chuckling.
But it only made Chifuyu cry harder.
That’s the thing that messed Chifuyu up.
Why the lungs?
If it were the eyes, Baji could’ve still lived longer.
If it were the ears, Baji could’ve still lived longer.
If it were-
“But I rather lose my lungs rather than not feeling you as a whole.” Baji cut Chifuyu off, the younger realising he had voiced out his thoughts unconsciously.
“You know, there’s a few things that I’m afraid to lose after dying.” Baji suddenly said, hushing Chifuyu when the blonde was about to scold Baji for thinking of death.
“The first thing I’m afraid to lose is my mom. She… only has me left. No one else. It’s honestly a surprise how she could cover my medical bills.” Baji said, voice laced with admiration.
Taking Chifuyu’s hands in his, Baji continued,
“The second thing I’m afraid of losing is… well… my treasures. My friends. Aside from my mother, they are the source of my happiness in this world. Cringe, but it’s true. Beating people up with them and just hanging out in general has always managed to make my day.” Baji visibly cringed, smiling in adoration when Chifuyu giggled a little at that.
“The third thing is… I think you know what the third thing is.” Baji trailed off into a mumble, squeezing Chifuyu’s hands.
When a moment of silence passed, Baji looked into Chifuyu’s eyes, the younger tilting his head in confusion.
…
“Is it peyoung yakisoba?”
…
Baji exhaled, intertwining his fingers with Chifuyu’s as he mumbled against Chifuyu’s knuckles,
“You could be so dumb sometimes…” Baji sighed, leaning his forehead against Chifuyu’s knuckles.
Chifuyu let out an offended noise at the back of his throat.
Squeezing Chifuyu’s hands, Baji spoke,
“The third thing is you, of course. Yeah, you’re my treasure, but here’s a spot that’s saved only for you.”
“If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t even have started doing my bucket list, wouldn’t have anyone to talk to about diseases and stuff, wouldn’t experience loving and being loved, wouldn’t have enjoyed life more. If it wasn’t for you, I would’ve stayed single till the end.” Baji laughed by the end of his sentence, squeezing Chifuyu’s hands again
Chifuyu hated it when Baji’s laugh sounded so hollow.
“Point is, uhh… crap I forgot my point-” Baji groaned, pressing kisses all over Chifuyu’s hands instead.
“Kei, it’s okay. You have all the time in the world. You have my time.” Chifuyu murmured, letting go of Baji’s hand and combing his fingers through Baji’s hair.
Baji really didn’t have all the time in the world.
But Chifuyu insisted the other way around anyway.
“Always so patient, Fuyu.” Baji sighed, enjoying Chifuyu’s fingers in his hair.
They stayed like that for a while, silence engulfing them except for the sound of crickets and distant chatters from apartments nearby.
“Wanna know something?” Baji asked, taking Chifuyu’s other hand and playing with the younger’s fingers.
“Yeah?”
…
“I'm afraid… of closing my eyes, I mean.” Baji mumbled, still playing with Chifuyu’s shorter fingers compared to his.
“This disease of mine… there’s always a possibility of me dying. At any time. So I’ve always tried my best to sleep less. Opting to just daydream. Yeah, it’s not good for my health in general, but… wanna know what I’ll daydream about every time I try to not sleep?”
…
“… What do you daydream about?”
Baji grinned.
“Us.”
Chifuyu flushed when Baji placed a kiss on Chifuyu’s lips for a split second before going back to his previous position.
“I mean… a future with us? Us together? It’s… painful yet comforting. Thinking of opening our own pet shop and maybe taking in strays, giving them the love they deserved. You would’ve liked it.” Baji smiled, intertwining his fingers with Chifuyu.
“Yeah… would’ve liked it…” Chifuyu murmured, his hand still combing through Baji’s hair.
“Right?? Strays are just the cutest.” Baji grinned,yet it turned sadder as he continued,
“It’s sad that I’ll never get to experience those days…”
Chifuyu scowled.
“We’re not sure about that! What if all the rehabs and treatments are working-”
“Fuyu.”
…
“Yes, Kei?”
“I tried to do my best. So do the doctors. But… I’m not perfect. Not perfect enough to have a healthy body.” Baji said, sadly smiling.
“So, Fuyu, I just want you to promise me something.” Baji kept on the sad smile on his lips, the picture engraving itself into Chifuyu’s head.
Chifuyu hated seeing Baji so hopeless-
“Can we make a promise?” Baji asked again.
Hesitantly, Chifuyu nodded.
Baji smiled, letting go of Chifuyu’s hands before he cupped the blonde’s cheeks.
“Move on when I’m gone, okay?”
That promise hurted like a bitch.
Desperately, Chifuyu wrapped his arms around Baji’s shoulders, voice muffling as he tried to talk over Baji’s shirt.
“How- stop making such dumb promises and get healthier or something!” Chifuyu said, voice hoarse.
Baji laughed, the sound light and bittersweet.
“It’s not stupid.” Baji had said, laughing.
Rude.
‘It is stupid.’ Chifuyu wanted to say.
‘Stop thinking of leaving me.’
“Ya know… I’ve… pissed a lot of people off in my life. Maybe this is karma?”
That earned Baji a smack on the back of his head by Chifuyu.
“CF is a genetic disease. Not a curse.”
It still felt like one though.
Baji was about to retort something when he suddenly choked, struggling to breathe and gasping as he coughed.
Chifuyu immediately asked if Baji’s okay, noting the blood that was splattered on Baji’s hand when the older coughed into his palm.
“Kei- Kei do you need me to call your mother?” Chifuyu asked, voice shaking as his hands trembled, trying to call Baji’s mother.
Though he was stopped when a hand was placed on his instead, a chuckle left Baji’s lips.
“As frantic as ever.” Baji laughed, cackling when Chifuyu started scolding him.
Chifuyu was still in the middle of lecturing when Baji suddenly said-
“I love you.”
It took Chifuyu a few moments to process the words that left Baji’s lips, trying to think-
Oh.
Baji just said-
“Love you too, Kei.”
…
“Fuyu?”
“…yeah?”
“I have a new thing I wanna do.”
“And that is…?”
“Let’s open a pet shop and adopt some strays together!”
Baji stopped himself from saying ‘since I’m dying and these are the things I wanted to do with you and only you.’
Yeah, I don't wanna fall asleep, I don't wanna pass away
I been thinking of our future 'cause I'll never see those days
I don't know why this has happened, but I probably deserve it
I tried to do my best, but you know that I'm not perfect
🎶🎶🎶
“We actually did it, huh?” Baji had said, proud as he looked around their new pet shop.
Chifuyu’s and his pet shop.
“What? You thought we couldn't?” Chifuyu asked, voice challenging as he crossed his arms over his chest.
Oh.
Chifuyu was in that mood again.
“I-”
“Stop underestimating yourself! Rather than thinking you couldn’t do a lot of things, how about enjoying all the things we did? Stop thinking about death so much! See, you’re 18, and you said you might die in your 20s. But hey, you still could stand and walk around! You still could manage the shop with me.” Chifuyu lectured, the words were already ingrained in Baji’s head.
This mood of Chifuyu’s usually came out whenever Baji said or just implied that he thought of dying or being hopeless.
[“Stop saying sorry. It’s not like you're dying tomorrow or anything.” Chifuyu once said after Baji had said sorry for the millionth time that day.
“I sweat too much…” Baji murmured when he tried to stop cuddling Chifuyu, but Chifuyu only hugged tighter.
“Stop. Stop whatever you’re thinking…please?” Chifuyu pleaded as he hugged Baji tighter, his hands trembling as they gripped the back of Baji’s shirt.
…
“…okay.” Baji whispered, pulling Chifuyu back into his chest and placing a kiss on Chifuyu’s forehead.
Baji kept on placing kisses all over Chifuyu’s face when he felt the younger silently crying.
Baji should really stop being so self-centered and start being considerate of Chifuyu’s feelings.
He really didn’t like seeing Chifuyu cry.
From that day on, Baji has been going to the bathroom first if he wanted to cough or wheeze or just… breathe.
At least Chifuyu wouldn’t have to worry.]
“Okay, okay, I’m sorry. Don’t be so angry, Fuyu. We’re going to take a picture on this memorable day. Do you really want to look angry in our first picture at the pet shop?”
It could be our last-
“Fine, fine. But if I heard-”
“Yes, yes, I won’t think about dying or whatever.”
Once they’ve cleaned the space for them to take a picture, Baji called out to-
“Kazutora! You sure you don’t want to take a picture with us?”
Right.
They opened the shop with Kazutora too.
Kazutora popped up out of nowhere after being called out, Baji jumping and Chifuyu shrieking before smacking the back of Kazutora’s head and telling the guy to stop being so sneaky.
“I’m not. You guys are just jumpy.” Kazutora deadpanned, chuckling when Chifuyu scowled.
…
“Anyway, let's take a picture already.” Baji urged, standing between Chifuyu and Kazutora.
Wrapping an arm around Kazutora’s shoulders and an arm around Chifuyu’s waist, Chifuyu snapped a selfie.
“Oi, Kazutora-kun. Why didn’t you look at the camera? Was there something on my face or something?” Chifuyu frowned, upset Kazutora ruined their first ever picture.
Kazutora stuck out his tongue before running away when Chifuyu tried chasing after him.
Tried because-
“Kei? What’s wrong?”
-because Baji’s holding onto Chifuyu’s wrist before Chifuyu could chase after Kazutora.
Baji hated it.
He had known Kazutora for a long time.
So he knew when Kazutora fell for someone.
Honestly, Baji wouldn’t blame Kazutora for falling for Chifuyu.
There’s a lot to love in Chifuyu.
But Chifuyu is Baji’s.
Though not forever, of course.
Because Baji’s going to stay in the hospital next year.
His lungs conditions were worsening, some airways had been blocked, but Baji managed by since he went for daily treatments to clear them.
He told his mother to always arrange the appointments early.
[“6 in the morning? Why so early?”
“Well, excited to get healthier I guess.”
I just don’t want to see Chifuyu’s strained smile every time the doctor says my condition is worsening.]
He hated how he had the nerve to feel jealous when he’s about to leave Chifuyu behind-
“Kei? Kei? Hey, you okay?”
Chifuyu’s hands cupping Baji’s cheeks snapped the older out of his depressing thought, Baji realising Chifuyu was staring at him with worry in his eyes.
“Yeah, yeah. I’m good. Just… uhh thinking.” Baji half-lied, placing a kiss on Chifuyu’s nose.
Chifuyu stared at Baji in suspicion before deciding to just shrug it off, knowing he won’t get anything out of Baji if he tried to force it out of the older anyway.
“Let’s open the shop already.” Chifuyu said, taking Baji’s hand and dragging the male into the shop and flipping the ‘close’ sign to reveal ‘open’.
“Alright everyone! Let’s get working.” Chifuyu chirped, earning a drained ‘yeah’ from Kazutora and a soft smile from Baji.
“Oi! You! The one sweeping the floor! Be more energetic or something.” Chifuyu pointed at Kazutora, scowling.
Kazutora stared at Chifuyu for a few moments before sticking his tongue out again.
Childish.
“You- Come back here!” Chifuyu had said before chasing after Kazutora.
Baji’s glad he stopped himself from grabbing Chifuyu’s wrist.
…
At least when he’s gone, Chifuyu has Kazutora-
“Stop thinking damn it!” was the only thing Baji heard before he felt Chifuyu squeezing his cheeks.
“Ow ow ow- stop- Fuyu-” Baji struggled to say with how hard Chifuyu’s pinching his cheeks.
Kazutora was a few steps behind Chifuyu, laughing at Baji for looking funny.
“Ugly.” Kazutora cackled.
The squeezes on Baji’s cheeks suddenly stopped, turned into soft pats as Chifuyu glared at Kazutora.
“Kei’s face is not ugly.” Chifuyu pouted, not looking very threatening.
Seeing Kazutora’s soft look on Chifuyu somehow calmed Baji a little.
Good.
He’s glad Kazutora would be there for Chifuyu when he’s gone-
“Let’s adopt strays!”
…
Oh-
“You said that’s one of the things you’ve recently added to your list. Let’s go find them right now.” Chifuyu suddenly said, bright.
“But we’ve just opened the shop though-”
“We have Kazutora-kun, remember?”
As if to prove his point, Chifuyu approached Kazutora who was staring into space and patted the bi-coloured haired male’s cheek.
“See? He’s here.” Chifuyu said again.
Kazutora sighed.
“Do whatever you guys want. Trust me on this I guess.” Kazutora had mumbled, earning an appreciative hummed from Chifuyu.
Pinching Kazutora’s cheek and saying thank you, Chifuyu then dragged Baji out of the shop.
“Where exactly are we gonna find strays?” Baji finally asked the question in his head.
Though Baji ended up not listening to Chifuyu’s answer because his throat suddenly felt strained-
…
Deep breaths.
“Ah! Look! Already bumped into one!”
Chifuyu’s cheerful exclaimed plus the hand squeezing his immediately pulled Baji out of his thoughts, realising he had calmed down as soon as he heard Chifuyu’s voice.
The two of them walked towards said cat, Chifuyu letting go of Baji’s hand and went to see and inspect the cat closer.
Baji hated how it felt to have his hands empty, longing.
“Hmm there’s a problem. Peke J wouldn’t really like a new friend. And we don’t really have a place for it to stay.” Chifuyu pondered, mumbling.
Baji kept quiet all the time, opting to just stare.
And maybe appreciate these, maybe, last moments shared with Chifuyu.
People said people on their deathbeds usually got a hunch when their time would come.
Baji got the feeling his was soon-
“Keiii~ stop spacing out on me~”
Oh.
Right.
“Sorry sorry. Got a lot… in my mind.” Baji grinned, a little bit strained.
So of course Chifuyu had noticed.
“Did you just give me a half-assed smile?” Chifuyu deadpanned, the cat in his arms mewling when Chifuyu patted its head.
…
“What was I supposed to say to that?” Baji asked instead, crouching down beside Chifuyu and patting the cat’s head, realising how it reminded him of blonde Chifuyu.
He really wanted to keep it.
“I’ll bring it home. To my place.” Baji suddenly said, grinning.
This cat could accompany Chifuyu when he’s gone later-
“Wait, really?? Would your mom let you? Since, well, she’s always complaining how you should never take in any types of pet since you can’t even look after yourself.”
“So you’re agreeing with my mom?”
“I'd rather dote on you rather than letting you do anything.” Chifuyu answered, giggling when Baji had given him an offended look.
“You and mom literally have the same mind set.” Baji scowled, taking the cat from Chifuyu’s embrace and dramatically saying ‘don’t be so comfortable with Chifuyu cuz then you’ll dote on me too.’
“You can’t blame us. We love you, you know? Want you to live the best life before…”
Chifuyu faltered.
As Baji and Chifuyu grew up, Chifuyu got more and more sensitive to topics revolving around deaths.
He lost his mother last year, after all.
Seeing how broken Chifuyu was, Baji prayed day by day for god or whoever to let him stay alive.
So Chifuyu wouldn’t cry anymore.
But ever since the doctor told him he had to move to the hospital, he stopped praying for his health.
It was around that time he started saying sorry a little bit too often.
Chifuyu, on the other hand, started praying.
The two of them weren’t really religious, since they’re, well, their relationship itself was against whatever their religion taught them.
Though Chifuyu started doing it after reading tons of cases that one could call
‘Miracles’.
Chifuyu never really said who he’s praying to, but his prayers were obviously for a certain black haired male.
“Well, if it makes you feel any better, I’m definitely living my best life with you and mom.” Baji reassured when he knew Chifuyu would’ve cried if the silence was not broken.
Pinching Chifuyu’s cheek, Baji grinned,
“Let’s go check on Kazutora now, yeah?” Baji murmured, his other hand carrying the cat while his other hand held Chfiuyu’s hand.
Baji squeezed when he felt Chifuyu’s hands trembled in his.
Scared.
When Chifuyu calmed down and went back to chatting, Baji hummed as a sign he’s listening, eyes looking around when he spotted a group of family in a restaurant, smiles plastered on their lips.
Quickly, Baji looked away, squeezing Chifuyu’s hand.
He couldn’t have that.
He couldn’t have a family.
I’ve been praying for forgiveness, you've been praying for my health
When I leave this earth, hopin' you'll find someone else
'Cause yeah, we still young, there's so much we haven't done
Getting married, start a family, watch your husband with his son
🎶🎶🎶
They got into a fight.
Well, Baji honestly expected it.
He knew he was acting like a douchebag when he said he wanted to break up with Chifuyu, saying Chifuyu should move on and maybe start loving someone else.
He finally told Chifuyu everything.
His daily treatments, him going to stay in the hospital when he’s 20, his worsening condition.
He told Chifuyu in one night.
Cruel, wasn’t it?
Lucky enough, Baji didn’t seem to look like he’ll die this year, the doctor saying he should just continue rehabs and treatments, saying ‘maybe a miracle would happen’.
Stop giving him hopes.
Though Baji still holds onto it nonetheless.
“Call me if you need anything.” The nurse that had helped Baji settle in his room said, warm.
Baji thanked the nurse, taking a seat on a couch facing the windows.
…
It was only his first day at the hospital.
But it already felt so miserable.
“Ugh…” Baji groaned, stared some more at the families walking in and out of the hospital before turning on his phone.
A smile immediately surfaced when Baji noticed a notification.
“I’ll come visit you tonight.” -Mom
Though it felt more strained when he noticed there were no messages from Chifuyu.
…
So they’re really ending-
“FUCK YOU, BAJI KEISUKE!”
Baji literally jumped in his seat when he heard the door to his room slamming open, revealing a very much disheveled and out of breath Chifuyu who had his eyebrows narrowed at Baji.
Uhhh-
Chifuyu ignored the nurse who was telling him to lower his voice, striding towards Baji’s way before grabbing the ravenette’s collar and pulling him into a kiss.
They would’ve made out if the nurse didn’t tell Chifuyu to stop, saying Baji’s lungs were fragile.
The nurse was kind and all, but Baji really need this Chifuyu because wow this Chifuyu’s side is really ho-
“Don’t do anything stupid, kids.” The nurse managed to snap Baji out of his own thoughts.
And like that, the nurse closed Baji’s door.
…
It was then Baji realised Chifuyu was already sitting on his lap.
…
Nice-
“Sorry.” Chifuyu said, voice determined.
It was then Baji noticed how puffy and red Chifuyu’s eyes were.
“Wait- Why are you apologi- No, I’m sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for.” Baji assured, his arms wrapping around Chifuyu’s waist out of habit.
They spent the rest of the evening like that, Chifuyu in Baji’s arms while Baji enjoyed the warmth from Chifuyu.
Something he probably could only enjoyed for the next few months-
“Kazutora helped me figure things out.” Chifuyu murmured, nuzzling into Baji’s neck.
…good.
Kazutora was there for Chifuyu.
“He said… he gets where you’re coming from. He told me what you felt and, well, basically listed all the reasons why I should be there for you.” Chifuyu continued, voice wavering after each word he said.
Baji combed through Chifuyu’s hair, humming.
“He did?”
…
“Yeah, he did.”
…
“You think he’ll-”
“He’ll never replace you, Kei.” Chifuyu cut Baji off, hugging the older tighter, as if Baji might have disappeared if he loosened his hug.
Maybe Baji will.
“Just… remember our promise? On my uhhh… 16th birthday? I think it’s on my 16th birthday.
Baji felt saddened when he could literally feel Chifuyu tensing in his hold.
“…no…” Chifuyu lied.
It was obviously a lie.
Chifuyu had never forgotten any promises they made.
Just like their first promise, when they were 13 and 12.
Chifuyu still kept his promise.
Despite knowing how it’ll affect him.
Despite knowing he’ll lose another person he loved dearly.
Chifuyu’s brave like that.
Baji pushed Chifuyu a little, so he could see Chifuyu’s swollen eyes, cheeks stained with dried tears.
Cupping Chifuyu’s cheeks, Baji smiled,
“But you promised me, remember? And the Chifuyu I know would never go back on his promise. For example, you still stuck to me like glue even after years when the promise was made.” Baji whispered, kissing the top of Chifuyu’s nose and hugging Chifuyu tighter as if to prove his point.
“So… what was the promise we made? Have you remembered?” Baji asked again, kissing all over Chifuyu’s face.
…
“… You said I need to move on from you when you’re…
…gone…”
…
“Your voice has been cracking all day now, hmm?” Baji chuckled, placing a kiss on Chifuyu’s neck, light.
“It’s your fault.” Chifuyu pouted, an appreciative sound leaving the back of Chifuyu’s throat when Baji had nipped on his neck lightly.
Baji laughed against Chifuyu’s neck, snuggling the younger.
…
“Are we back together now?” Chifuyu asked, playing with a few strands of Baji’s hair.
“… would it make you happy?”
It was a stupid question.
“That’s a stupid question, Kei. Of course I’ll be happy.” Chifuyu beamed, smiling softly as he braided a few strands of Baji’s hair.
Baji didn’t want to lose this.
“Oh! And the others are visiting you tomorrow, okay? In the afternoon. Also, I’m gonna sleep here in this room since, well, you’ll be lonely with no one except the nurse around. Your mother will sleep here from time to time. And, spoiler, we’ll make sure you’ll never be alone from now on.” Chifuyu chirped, grinning wider when the small braids actually looked adorable on Baji.
The two ended up sleeping like that, smiles on their faces.
By the time Baji’s mother had arrived, she had only smiled and sat on Baji’s bed, reading a novel to pass time as she waited for the couple to wake up.
She’s glad.
They’re back together.
So Chifuyu did stay by Baji’s side even after all this time.
I wish it could be me, but I won't make it out this bed
I hope I go to heaven so I see you once again
My life was kinda short, but I got so many blessings
Happy you were mine, it sucks that it's all ending
🎶🎶🎶
Don't stay awake for too long, don't go to bed
I'll make a cup of coffee for your head
It'll get you up and going out of bed (Yeah, ayy, ayy)
Don't stay awake for too long, don't go to bed
I'll make a cup of coffee for your head
It'll get you up and going out of bed (Ayy, yeah)
🎶🎶🎶
“Remember those days when we own a pet shop?”
“Uhh we still have that pet shop, actually.”
“Lemme act old, Fuyu. You’re no fun.”
Chifuyu rolled his eyes at that, sitting on a chair beside Baji’s bed as he squeezed Baji’s hand that was in his.
Right.
They’re still in the hospital.
Baji’s 21 now.
“How’s your list?” Chifuyu asked after a moment of silence, playing with Baji’s fingers.
Hmm.
“I don’t think I can finish it. Since I’m stuck here in the hospital now.” Baji sighed solemnly, pouting.
Chifuyu grinned.
“How about you try knitting or something?”
Chifuyu’s laughs made it hard for Baji to smack the younger.
“Brat.”
“A brat that you love and loves you back.” Chifuyu said cheekily, pecking Baji’s cheek.
They chatted some more until a brilliant idea popped up in Chifuyu’s head.
“Let’s walk at the park!”
…
“Why not?”
And like that, Chifuyu got ready, putting on his jacket that he had discarded a few hours ago.
Chifuyu turned around when he heard a defeated sigh from Baji.
“What’s wro-”
“I wanna look cool too! Why do I have to wear these plain hospital clothes??” Baji complained, thinking of ways to ‘escape’ the hospital only for the sake of buying clothes to his liking.
“You do know I actually brought some of your clothes here, right?” Chifuyu asked, raising an eyebrow in amusement.
That seemed to lift Baji’s mood up.
“Nice one, babe!” Baji cheered, placing a short kiss on Chifuyu’s lips before taking his clothes that Chifuyu had brought and went into the bathroom, winking at the younger when he caught him flushing.
Okay, maybe Chifuyu was caught a little bit of guard when Baji called him ‘babe’ but who can blame him-
“Done!” Baji cheered, walking out of the bathroom with a bright grin on his lips.
If Chifuyu had ignored the hospital’s bracelet around Baji’s wrist, he could’ve lied to himself and just believed that Baji wouldn’t die soon-
“Fuyu? Getting depressed again?”
Chifuyu’s eyebrow twitched.
Baji smiled, intertwining their fingers and leading the younger out of the room, sticking out a tongue at the nurse that has been taking care of him for two years.
“Baji-kun, I suggest you wear back the hospital clothes instead of-”
“Thanks girlie, but let me wear cool clothes for my boyfriend once in a while, yeah?” Baji grinned, smug as he wrapped an arm around Chifuyu’s waist.
Chifuyu smiled, a light flush on his cheeks as he listened to Baji’s laughter and the nurse’s offended remarks.
They said to appreciate it while it lasted.
…
“Have I told you I’m into photography lately?” Chifuyu said once they were outside, walking along a path in the hospital’s park.
“Yeah, you did. Even if you didn’t, the camera around your neck would’ve told me.” Baji grinned, squeezing Chifuyu’s hand in his.
“What’s with the sudden interest though?” Baji asked, leading Chifuyu toward the hospital’s garden.
“I just wanna try it out.”
Just wanna capture more pictures of you that’ll actually do you justice so that when you’re not here, I’ll still get to see you.
Though imagined how heart-broken I was when I realised I could never capture a picture of you being you.
That did you justice.
“Wanna try it out, huh? That’s new from you.” Baji said one last time before they reached the garden, full of flowers.
People who came here were usually those who wanted to see something pretty before they fell into a deep ’slumber’.
Chifuyu pretended it just meant ‘sleeping’.
“Ya know… my mom always asked me that famous question about a garden full of flowers. The question being ‘in a garden full of flowers, would you pluck out the pretty ones first or the ugly ones?’.”
“I thought it was a trick question, so I asked people around me first.”
“When I asked Mitsuya, he said he’ll pluck the pretty flowers first, saying he’ll give it to his mother and sisters. He said they’ll like them.”
“Then I asked Mikey, who, instead of plucking the pretty flowers, he chose to pluck out the ugly ones first.”
Baji crouched down, touching the flowers there and just enjoying their softness while Chifuyu stayed standing, hands shaking as he held his camera.
Baji turned to Chifuyu after a pause,
“Mikey said ‘ugly flowers don’t deserve to be in my garden’.” Baji cackled, plucking a flower out and approaching Chifuyu with said flower.
“Did you get your answer?” Chifuyu asked, breath hitching when Baji had moved a strand of Chifuyu’s hair behind his ear and tucking the flower on Chifuyu’s hair.
Taking the camera from Chifuyu’s hands, Baji got ready to take a picture of Chifuyu, telling the younger to smile.
“I did. I said I’ll never take care of a garden in the first place. Or even go there.”
Snap!
Baji stared at the picture he took, giving Chifuyu the camera back and ruffling Chifuyu’s hair.
“A garden full of flowers… I wouldn’t even go there because I don’t want to see them slowly wilt as years passed, losing their beauty. I wouldn’t even take care of flowers because, well, it’s a pain. You’ll have to make sure everyone’s doing okay.” Baji said, pinching Chifuyu’s cheeks when the younger male only stared.
When Baji noticed a cat was approaching him, Baji let go of Chifuyu’s cheeks, crouching back down to play with the cat that had mewled.
“My mother, as expected, laughed at my answer. She said it’s a hypothetical question. Then she said I was supposed to say ‘I pluck out the pretty ones first’, saying it’s like death.”
“God took someone’s life first or earlier because He wanted them back, saying they’re too pretty for this world or something.” Baji mumbled by the end of his sentence, scratching the back of the cat’s ear.
…
Chifuyu crouched down beside Baji, taking a picture of the cat.
“So? Did you agree with your mother?” Chifuyu inquired, discreetly taking a picture of Baji when the older was distracted by something.
“… I don’t know.” Baji ended up saying, an unreadable look in his eyes.
Chifuyu waited, thinking Baji would give an elaboration. But the older simply stayed silent after that, just staring at the flowers before he suddenly looked pained.
Before Chifuyu could even ask, Baji suddenly grabbed Chifuyu’s wrist and left the garden in a rush.
Once back inside, Baji immediately changed clothes, wearing back the hospital’s clothes before he settled down on his bed, coughing.
“Do you need water, Kei?” Chifuyu offered, but Baji shook his head from side to side instead.
“I think I do understand one thing from my mother’s hypothetical question.” Baji suddenly said once he stopped coughing.
Taking Chifuyu’s hand in his, Chifuyu realised two things.
One; Baji’s hands were trembling.
Two; He hated seeing Baji so hopeless.
“If God takes someone’s life because they’re ‘pretty’, then I don’t wanna be ‘pretty’.”
“I'd rather be ugly and get to stay here, with everyone.” Baji’s voice cracked.
That was the first time Baji had looked so vulnerable in front of Chifuyu.
He was not shedding any tears but…
His eyes were telling a whole other story.
Chifuyu was about to say something when-
“Eep!” Chifuyu had shrieked when he heard a bark from outside of Baji’s room.
Both of them exchanged look with each other, the gloomy atmosphere dissipating as Chifuyu went to open the door to find-
“How is a dog inside the hospital??” Chifuyu asked aloud, staring at the dog that was staring at him, tongue out as his tail wagged.
Cute.
“Not scared of dogs anymore, Fuyu?”
Chifuyu flushed when he heard the older laughs.
“I was never scared of dogs!”
“Say that to the 12 year old you who called for my help when a dog was barking in front of your door non-stop!”
Once security had taken the dog away, Baji and Chifuyu proceeded to chat about the most random things, their prior conversation leaving their heads as moments passed by.
I'm happy that you here with me, I'm sorry if I tear up
When me and you were younger, you would always make me cheer up
Taking goofy videos and walking through the park
You would jump into my arms every time you heard a bark
🎶🎶🎶
It’s a Sunday.
“Keiii you need to let go of meee.”
“No.”
“But I have to go pray and shit today.”
“People who ‘pray’ don’t curse, Fuyu.”
“You know what I mean~ Now stop cuddling me!”
Baji’s 22 now.
And it’s in the middle of August.
Since last year’s December, or more specifically on Chifuyu’s birthday, the hospital gave more freedom to Baji, saying the said patient could hang out outside only if he’s with either Chifuyu or his mother and on the weekends only.
It’s kinda a discreet way to say Baji’s time was running out.
“Can’t we just cuddle all day? I have to go back to the hospital by 6. And it’s already 12 in the afternoon! I only have 6 hours left with you~” Baji complained, snuggling into Chifuyu’s neck and just making himself comfortable.
And like that, Chifuyu gave up with his plans.
They cuddled some more, Chifuyu humming songs he knew that could definitely relax Baji as the older simply enjoyed the younger’s presence.
Baji’s mother was the one who told Chifuyu the lullabies.
When it’s finally 1 in the afternoon, they finally got ready.
“Okay, so there’s a large space in my luggage. How about you fit into it??”
“…Kei, you know I can stay with you, right? Stop making dumb suggestions.”
They didn’t rush, since they’ve got all the time in the world.
“Let’s go to the movies.”
“Movies? Is there a new movie you wanna watch?”
“No. Let’s just rewatch your favourite movie.”
So they went.
“Does this mean we won’t watch movies in your room later-”
“Of course not. You are still obligated to be in my arms and watch movies with me from 9 p.m. until the rest of your life every Monday.”
Baji thought of saying ‘until the rest of my life’ since he’s the one dying and will be leaving soon, but Baji didn’t want to mess with the cheerful atmosphere they’re having right now.
And, as planned, -or Baji should say ‘not planned’- they’ve managed to reach the hospital on time.
“Thank you so much for always keeping him company.” Baji’s nurse had thanked Chifuyu, already used to the younger visiting her patient.
They exchanged a few words before Chifuyu and Baji made their way to Baji’s room, Baji reluctantly changing out of his comfortable clothes to the hospital’s clothes.
“I still can’t believe how you still look attractive in those plain clothes.”
“Still flirting with me, I see?”
They went back and forth like that, the day has been oddly cheerful without any depressing thoughts brought up.
By the time it was 12 midnight, the couple were already in Baji’s bed.
“How did you get all the money for treatments and the stay in the hospital anyway?”
“My parents are close friends with the doctors here. Or some stuff like that.”
For a few minutes, they just stayed there in silence, enjoying and trying to remember each other’s warmth.
Even when it was 1 in the morning, they didn’t exchange a single word.
Until Baji suddenly coughed.
Gradually, he coughed louder and louder.
Baji immediately got out of bed, went to the bathroom and locked the door.
Chifuyu scrambled up, tears gathering in his eyes.
No.
No no no.
Not yet.
“Kei? Kei, are you okay in there?” Chifuyu asked, almost shouting if he hadn’t reminded himself they were still in the hospital.
Baji’s coughs didn’t slow down, sounding more painful as seconds passed by and-
-and Chifuyu’s lost.
What should he do?
What can he do?
Kei Kei Kei Kei-
…
The coughing stopped.
Chifuyu’s heart was thumping loudly in his chest, hands trembling as he tried to twist the bathroom’s door knob.
It was still locked.
….
“Kei? Are you there?” Chifuyu asked, whispering.
Whispering because he knew his voice would crack if he had said it any louder.
Answer me answer me answer me-
The door unlocked.
Hurriedly, Chifuyu opened the door and pulled the taller male into a hug, relief out of his mind when he heard Baji’s heartbeat.
He’s still here.
He’s still here.
Kei’s still here.
Keisuke’s still here.
Baji Keisuke’s still here.
“You scared me there…” Chifuyu mumbled into Baji’s chest, hands gripping the back of Baji’s shirt as he ignored the faint smell of blood.
Baji chuckled.
He had the nerve to chuckle-
“April fools?”
Chifuyu would’ve smacked Baji if he was feeling a little bit better.
Cuddle in your sheets, sing me sound asleep
And sneak out through your kitchen at exactly 1:03
Sundays, went to church, on mondays, watched a movie
🎶🎶🎶
It’s 31st October.
Chifuyu woke up from his bed, blinked a few times as he adjusted his eyes.
Right.
He’s in his own apartment.
It was Baji’s mother’s turn to stay with Baji.
She said she’ll stay there for a week so that Chifuyu could celebrate Baji’s birthday the next week.
“Keisuke always looks happier if you are there on his birthday.” Baji’s mother had said, a soft smile on her lips,
She had grown old, of course, looking older than she used to.
But her love and hope for Baji had never wavered.
She’s one of the people Chifuyu admired.
How can one be so strong? He didn’t know.
Chifuyu got up after he finished cheering himself up, washing up and eating cereal for breakfast.
Chifuyu looked down when he felt a nudge on his ankle, realising it was the blonde cat he and Baji decided to take in.
They’ve decided to name it ‘Matsu’ that day, Baji!s reason being ‘he reminds me of 12 year old you’.
“The guy had the nerve to say he’ll bring you to his place when he’s supposed to be in the hospital.” Chifuyu chuckled, patting the cat’s head and making his way to the cat’s food’s bowl.
Once he had fed Matsu, he looked around for his other cat.
“Peke J?? Come and eat!” Chifuyu called out, searching all over the place yet not finding his black cat.
After re-checking all over the place, he finally found Peke J in the balcony, staring off into the sky.
Chifuyu went and scooped up the cat into his arms, gigling as he expected the cat to meal in protest.
But instead of doing that, Peke J had only stared at Chifuyu before nuzzling into Chifuyu’s chest.
…
Huh…
“You okay, Peke J?” Chifuyu asked, despite knowing he’ll never get any answer.
Chifuyu’s heart started beating faster when he got a bad feeling in his stomach.
“… I’m probably just overthinking, yeah?” Chifuyu asked the cat in his arms, hoping the cat will try to get out of his grasp.
But the cat didn’t.
It only gazed into Chifuyu’s eyes, looking like it was…
…pitying him.
“… I’ll be off.” Chifuyu mumbled, closing his balcony door and placing Peke J beside Matsu, literally sprinting out of his apartment.
Why?
Why was he feeling uneasy?
Why why why-
He usually took a bus to the hospital.
But he decided he’ll go on his bike today.
He had to be fast.
For what?
He didn’t know.
Usually, the uneasy feeling would disappear everytime he talked to Peke J.
Peke J was like his friend that he told everything about.
When Chifuyu said he has an uneasy feeling in his stomach, Peke J would just keeled, ignored Chifuyu and escaped from Chifuyu’s embrace, the cold demeanour never failing to make Chifuyu’s day.
So of course Chifuyu felt terrified when his cat acted strange.
Chifuyu tried calming himself as he ride past through cars.
Some got mad and honked, but Chifuyu’s head was too full of thoughts to care about others.
Is Baji okay?
Is everything okay?
Should I call them? Baji’s mother or Baji?
Should I?
But what if he’s dead-
“Chifuyu-kun!”
That voice.
“Why are you riding in such a dangerous manner?! Have you lost your mind?” Baji’s nurse, Miya, asked, worried.
Chifuyu was too panicked to care.
“Where’s Kei? Why are you out here? Is it one of his morning walks?” Chifuyu asked question after question, clenching his fist as he felt them trembled.
…
Answer.
“Why aren’t you answering me? He’s jogging, right? Wait- no- he’s not supposed to jog or whatever- he’s probably just walking around- the garden! He’ll definitely be in the garden.” Chifuyu rambled, tears welling up in his eyes when Miya stil hadn’t say anything.
Why is she so quiet?
Everything’s fine, right?
Right?
“I-I’ll take your silence as he’s fine. It-It’s his birthday anyway in a few days. He wouldn’t have just suddenly died, ya know? Besides, I’ve prepared tons of things to do with him! On his birthday. He’ll definitely teased me for acting cringey and shot, but it’ll all be worth it when I heard him say ‘I love you’ and stuff.” Chifuyu rambled on and on, convincing himself.
When Miya had looked up to meet Chifuyu’s eyes, Chifuyu felt disheartened.
She’s crying.
Desperately, Chifuyu wiped Miya’s tears away, his voice trembling,
“Why are you crying? Kei’s okay, don’t worry. He’s okay…
…right?”
He’s okay.
He’s okay.
He’s okay.
“Chifuyu-kun, I’m sorry…” Miya finally sobbed, crying harder.
What?
Eh?
Why?
“Why are you sorry? He’s still here, right?”
Right?
“Chifuyu-kun, Baji-kun is-”
“It’s okay, I’ll look for him! You lost him, right? I- I’ll just go and search for him.” Chifuyu assured, squeezing Miya’s hands before leaving the nurse by herself and running towards the garden.
Where?
Where?
Where where where?
Why couldn’t Chifuyu spot Baji anywhere?
“Baji-san!” Chifuyu had called out when he saw Baji’s mother’s back from afar in the hospital’s garden.
Chifuyu ran towards her, asked if she had seen Baji anywhere and-
Huh??
Why is Chifuyu crying??
Why am I crying?
“Chifuyu-kun…?”
Chifuyu looked up, his eyes blurry from his tears, yet he still could make out Baji’s mother puffy and red eyes.
Huh?
“Baji-san, wha- why are you crying?”
Why am I crying?
Baji’s mother stared at Chifuyu for a moment, fresh tears streaming down her face before she pulled Chifuyu into a hug.
Why??
Why does Chifuyu felt so sad??
“B-Baji-san… stop crying… what are you crying for?” Chifuyu asked, his own voice trembling.
Why is he crying??
“…gone…” Baji’s mother had sobbed.
Gone?
“What’s gone, Baji-san?” Chifuyu asked, blinking away his tears.
Baji’s mother finally looked up and made eye contact with Chifuyu before she croaked out,
“Keisuke’s gone.”
Soon you'll be alone, sorry that you have to lose me
🎶🎶🎶
Don't stay awake for too long, don't go to bed
I'll make a cup of coffee for your head
It'll get you up and going out of bed
[Yo, Fuyu!
I asked my mother to give you this letter on my birthday. Did she give you this on my 21st birthday?? If she did, nice! If she didn’t, well, I guess mother knows best, wouldn’t you agree?
Matsuno Chifuyu. A guy I had save when I was 13. A guy that had managed to immediately grabbed my attention and the same guy that had agreed to being my boyfriend at literally 12. He stupid, isn’t he?
I still ended up loving him anyway.
At first, I thought of letting the kid go after maybe had my fun teasing the life out of him? Since he’s my boyfriend and all. But then along the lines I teased him, I ended up falling for him.
Cringe, am I right?
It was when I was 14 I realised that ‘crap! I actually for this guy? A dude at that?’ If you were wondering why I ignored you for a few days when I was 14, here’s the answer.
I was having a gay crisis-
Well, I’m a bisexual so bi-crisis? Whatever.
Anyway, once I’ve figured out who I am and stuff, I came to learn that loving Matsuno Chifuyu was easy.
As easy as breathing was.
Well, as easy as my not-so-perfect lungs could breathe I guess.
So I started actually trying to flirt with you when I was 14, failing miserably.
There’s that one attempt i tried flirting with you, saying one of those lame pickup lines.
You still blushed though. So it’s worth the humiliation.
Though everytime I failed at flirting with you, you always made me coffee.
When I asked ‘why?’, your answer would always be:
“Maybe a little bit of coffee will wake you up out of your stupidity.”
And honestly, you got a point.
Well, in my opinion anyway.
So imagined how happy I was when on my 14th birthday, you confessed to me.
I mean, sure it was awkward since we’ve started dating already before we actually fall for each other.
But the joy was still the same.
That night, we shared a cup of coffee with a box of peyoung yakisoba.
I still couldn’t believed I got butterflies in my stomach just because we shared the same cup of coffee and I just went ‘woah, an indirect kiss!’.]
Don't stay awake for too long, don't go to bed
I'll make a cup of coffee for your head
It'll get you up and going out of bed
[Childish, isn’t it?
But I still stayed a dork anyway.
When I’m 16 and you’re 15, we didn’t really act differently from before you confessed. Both of us were too focus on gang fights and stuff.
We focused on finishing the normal part of my bucket list.
Like ‘going on beating-up-people dates’.
…
Okay maybe that’s not really a normal part of my bucket list-
Still remembered how you pecked me on the nose in front of those guys.
The next days were definitely chaotic.
People kept on asking if we’re dating.
And you, flushing and stammering and not very convincing, tell them no.
I have the pictures of you flushing in my room by the way.
Though to clam you down that night, I made some coffee for the both of us.
It was bitter as shi-]
Don't stay awake for too long, don't go to bed
I'll make a cup of coffee for your head
It'll get you up and going out of bed
[ And then there’s the birthday party.
I was sooo glad you finally tell everyone.
A certain someone had been staring at you for a while, so I was afraid of losing you.
Though that’s also around the time my condition had started to get worse.
…
I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier.]
Don't stay awake for too long, don't go to bed
I'll make a cup of coffee for your head
It'll get you up and going out of bed
[ Did you know my mother like coffee too?
When I’m gone, you should really drink some coffee of hers! They’re delicious! My favourite.
Aside from yours, of course.
…
I’m sorry.
I hate saying sorry in letters but-
But I’ll make this an exception.
Because I’m running out of time.
You started looking so helpless everytime you’re around me.
It pained me.
I tried my best to smile the brightest around you.
So you wouldn’t have to worry.
But you still do anyway.
…
I guess God will really take me, huh?
…I’m gonna miss your coffee. Pretty sure God won’t make me your coffee up there.
Suck.
…
I have so many things to say, but I don’t know how to describe them.
Damn me and my lack of vocabularies.
So uhh… let’s just sum everything up I guess.
Thank you for existing.
Sorry for leaving you when I’m supposed to stick to you like glue.
Thank you for being you.
Thank you for reciprocating my feelings despite knowing I’ll leave you in the end.
Thank you for loving me.
…
I love you, Matsuno Chifuyu.
Make sure you move on, okay?
It’s a promise.
Your love,
Baji Keisuke]
Don't stay awake for too long, don't go to bed
I'll make a cup of coffee for your head
It'll get you up and going out of bed
🎶 END 🎶