Chapter Text
‘No one needs you.’
‘You’re just a burden on everyone.’
‘You live well enough but you’re still not happy? How selfish.’
‘The only reason people would care about your death is what stuff they can take, and how much the funeral will cost.’
The air around me feels cold and heavy, almost oppressive in its stillness surrounding my body, the shaking having only stopped a little while ago, leaving a hollowness in its wake.
I glance up tiredly at the clock hanging on the wall. 6 AM. Looks like I was up all night again trying to calm my thoughts. Haven’t had a night this bad in a while, but I know how to handle it in the daytime better, at least.
I slowly rise from the cold floor, using the couch at my back for support as my muscles ache in protest. Once standing, I curl my toes into the carpet a few times to try to shake off some of the tingling numbness in them, before slowly drudging my way to the nearby kitchen and coffee maker.
“Step one, put the grounds in the machine.” I mutter to myself mechanically, my throat scratchy from exhaustion and underuse. I reach out my hand towards to pantry, clumsily opening the small cabinet-like door and feel like the world has slowed down as I watch a couple bags fall to the ground with a crunch. My eyes catch sight of the plastic peanut butter jar that wobbled dangerously close to the edge of the shelf, but just as I begin reaching out to steady it, it too falls to the floor.
I stare at the small mess at my feet for a moment, not even feeling the energy to be annoyed that I’ll have to pick them up… Later.
‘Struggling just to make coffee? How are you even still alive?’
I close my eyes and take a deep breath. “No. Step one, grab the coffee.” I revise, changing my outstretched hand’s course a few shelves higher to grab the metal canister of pre-ground coffee, bringing it down to set next to the coffee machine on the small counter. That’s right, I remind myself, break it up into smaller steps. I can get this done.
Open the filter compartment. Add 2 scoops of grounds. Close the compartment. Add water. Press the brewing button. I feel the beginnings of a smile tug at the corners of my lips as I find the steps to get a bit easier as I fall into the routine, and allow myself to condense some of the steps into bigger ones.
‘You’ve barely accomplished anything.’
My near-smile falls as I close my eyes again and suddenly feel my tiredness nearly knock me over, making me sway on my still slightly numb-tingly feet. My eyes snap open again as I turn my head to look out the window, hoping for a shred of sunlight to keep me steady until the brewer is done.
No sunlight yet, but the sky is beginning to lighten in color. I suspect that I won’t see any of the sun for another half an hour at least. I sigh and instead turn my eyes up to the florescent kitchen light, still on from last night when I told myself I’d turn it off all the lights as I was heading to sleep.
‘You’re so wasteful.’
I turn my eyes away from the light, scanning the kitchen for something to distract myself. There are empty ready-meal packages and dirty dishes on every available surface, including the top of the fridge. I swear I’ll clean them up when I have the energy, when I’m not feeling so… like this.
‘You’re just making excuses.’
‘You’re such a lazy slob.’
‘You’re disgusting; your whole apartment is disgusting, everything you touch becomes disgusting.’
BEEEEEEEP.
I feel my body jump at the sudden sound of the coffee maker finishing. That went by faster than I had expected. I reach past the machine to separate one styrofoam cup from its packaging, having run out of clean cups a couple weeks ago and never getting around to washing dishes.
I reach to the other side of the coffee maker to grab some sugar packets and little shelf-stable containers of coffee creamers that I’ve stuffed in my pockets when I ate food out or went inside the gas station store. I’m running low on them, it seems.
‘Can’t you even be bothered to go out and buy your own stuff?’
‘You’re so greedy.’
I refocus my attention on adding the cream and sugar to my cup before pouring in my first cup of coffee for the day and stirring it together with half of a pair of wooden chopsticks. I don’t even remember when I got them, or what I used the other half for. I left the coffee-drenched chopstick teetering on the edge of the sink as I made the short walk back to the living room with my drink in-hand. I could still use the stick to stir my next cup today.
I sat down on the couch I picked up near the complex’s dumpster a few years ago and felt the cushion deflate under my weight. It was obviously pretty old, but it was still comfortable and held up enough to do its job and that’s what mattered.
With my free hand, I leaned over to the end table, blindly feeling around on its surface as I watched the drink carefully so as not to spill, that’s that last thing I need right now. I feel my searching hand touch something rubbery on top, so I grab it and pull it close to me and glance down to confirm the TV remote.
I point the remote directly at the wall in front of me, turning on the device and quickly flipping through the channels, idling taking a few sips of the coffee as I did. Finally, I settled on a nature documentary about polar bears. It was mostly just to fill the silence, but it was interesting enough to keep my mind from wandering for a few minutes.
I can feel my mind zoning out as I watched a pair of cubs wrestling in the snow on the screen. I didn’t bother to resist the pull, it would be nice not to dwell on things for a moment and just… exist.
…
KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK.
I startle for the second time today, slightly crushing the cup in my hand and feeling cold coffee running down it from where the foam has cracked and split. I hold my free hand under the cup in a poor attempt to stop it from leaking on the carpet as I got up and unceremoniously dropped the cup on top of the dishes in the sink. I try to shake the droplets off my hand, before sighing and wiping the coffee off as best I can with the dirty dishtowel that hung over the top of a floor-cabinet door.
I walk back to the living room to assess the damage and… yeah, that’s one security deposit that I’m never getting back.
‘You’ve been wrecking the place since you moved in, there wasn’t ever any hope of getting it back.’
I sigh for what feels like the hundredth time today as I grab the remote from the couch so I could turn off the TV, now playing some documentary about oceanic animals, with some sarcastic narrator making dry quips only loosely related to what the screen showed. I didn’t recognize it, but it looked like something I might enjoy… some other time.
As I walk to the front door, I look up at the clock to see what time it was now. 11 AM. I can’t remember the last time I zoned out for quite that long…
KNOCK. KNOCK.
The sound of knocking pulled me back from nearly zoning out again. I rubbed a hand over my eyes as if that would help, but all it did was let me know I didn’t do a very good job of getting the coffee off my hands.
‘Your hands are sticky and you look like a mess.’
‘Whoever is at the door will probably be disgusted by you.’
‘Maybe they’ll even report you to the complex officials for keeping your apartment so trashed.’
I take a deep breath and make a futile attempt to smooth down my hair before opening the door. I stare blankly at the person in front for me, taking a few seconds to process that it’s my best friend at my door. I clear my throat before even trying to speak.
“Good morning, Jack.” I offer him what smile I can muster right now, feeling a small anxiousness build as I can feel him taking in the state of me. I start rambling somewhat to distract. “You’re, uh, up pretty early. I figured since you got that night shift job I’d never see you again before the afternoon.”
“Yeah there, um, there was apparently a pipe with a leak or something in the building, so no one’s been allowed to go in until it’s fixed.” I could see his eyes turn to look past me at my wreck of a living space. “I figured I’d come surprise you since it’s your day off, too. I-”
He cut himself off and shook his head, the short, curly hair bouncing as he seemed to clear some thoughts as his concerned expression was replaced with a smile. “I thought it’d be nice for the two of us to hit up that arcade downtown. I remember you swearing something about beating those pinball records last time.”
“I-I remember. I’m not really, um, ready to go out right now. As… as you can probably see.” I look down at my rumpled clothes that I hadn’t changed since yesterday, feeling some of my hair fall over my shoulder after somehow gotten free of the hair tie I still had in. I looked…
‘Like an utter disaster of a human being.’
‘You wasted the time he spent getting here because you can’t func-’
“Pft- You look fine! Don’t worry about it. Just re-tie your hair back and throw on a jacket and you’re good!” He glanced down for a moment before chuckling, eyes lit with amusement as he leans in to whisper in an exaggerated conspiratorial tone. “And probably some shoes, too. You might want those. The floor’s kinda cold.”
I can’t help the small huff I let out at his silliness. It wasn’t quite a laugh, but it certainly betrayed my own amusement with my best friend. I nod.
“Right, uh, give me a moment to do that.” I step away from the door to find where I left any one of my jackets, hearing Jack step inside.
‘He’s already seen your garbage dump you call a home, what’s one more time?’
I shook my head to clear it, before locating a jacket that looked clean enough and putting it on. “So… are we taking your car or mine?” I ask.
“Well, since downtown is so close, I thought maybe we could walk there. It really isn’t worth the gas to drive there, or the frustration of finding parking in that mess.” I could practically feel him shrugging despite my back being turned to him as I leaned down to tie my shoes. “Besides, it’s a nice enough day. The walk would probably do us both some good.”
“You want to walk? Now I know you’re planning something.” I scoff with a small, playful smile as I look at him from the corner of my eye as I tug the hair tie out of my hair and run my fingers through to separate the worst of the tangles. He holds up his hands in a ‘I surrender’ fashion.
“Okay, okay, I want the extra time to talk and hang out with my best friend. Sue me.” He chuckles as I struggle with my hair tie for a moment, before finally getting it tight enough and in-place. “I haven’t seen you for a few months, might as well make the most of it, since it’ll probably be a few more until I see you again after they fix the pipe.”
I give myself a brief once over, my day-old clothes are wrinkled and I spot a few specks of what was likely my spilled coffee on the side of my shirt, though my jacket hid the worst of it. I look like a sleep deprived trash gremlin.
‘That’s not too far off, now is i-‘
“See? You look fine! Now let’s get this show on the road.” Jack grabs my house keys from the kitchen pass-through and tosses them to me, which I fumble with catching for a bit before getting a proper hold on them.
And with that, we make our way out to walk all the way to the arcade.
-
“-and then I pulled off this chain-combo that took down the last three quarters of Lee’s health with no breaks! The other player got so angry that I beat him with his best character that he stormed off. That’s why I always play as Sagat.” Jack was beaming and gesturing wildly as we walked in the direction of my apartment side-by-side, him still riding his victory high from the arcade.
“Hey, good for you. Still wish I could have beaten that damn ‘C.L.R.’ though, I was so close to finally getting that top high score!” I nearly hissed, the irritation of a near-victory still itching at me. I hear Jack start snickering beside me.
“You probably would have beaten it, if you didn’t break the machine.”
“I didn’t break it, I unplugged it. It was just fine when they plugged it back in to the power.” I defend.
“You shook the machine so hard that you pulled the plug from the socket. I think that counts as ‘breaking it’. Maybe don’t let your competitiveness get the best of you next time?” I sent Jack a glare, only to be met once more with his mirth.
“Well, that’s not going to happen for a while anyways, in case you didn’t hear the manager, I’m banned for the next six months.”
“Maybe she wouldn’t have banned you if you hadn’t gone on and on about your lost score-”
“-Twelve hundred! I was just twelve hundred points away from getting that top score!” I seethed as Jack patted my shoulder. The gesture may have been more comforting if not for the fact that he was still chuckling to himself over my misfortune. Still, he seemed to drop the subject.
It may be odd to say, but it was kind of refreshing to feel the anger and frustration running through my veins. The generally-present numbness inside me instead replaced with blood rushing and the hyper-awareness of the breeze brushing across my face.
“This was nice.”
I give Jack a confused expression, making a gesture with my hand to prompt him to elaborate. “Uh, going out, I mean. It’s been too long since we’ve hung out, and much longer since we actually had the chance to do something pointless and fun.” Jack turned to look directly ahead with a smile as he continued, his tone more serious than it had been, and a bit more wistful.
“I get worried about you, y’know? Our schedules rarely match up nowadays, and you’ve been living in that apartment all by yourself. I can only imagine it gets pretty lonely sometimes.”
I scoff at his words.
“I seem to call the original plan was you and I would get a place together.” I remind him with a creeping grin, pointedly not looking at the road beside me so that I wouldn’t think about-
‘A car’s coming. Quick, go jump in the road.’
I pause as my eyes flicker to the asphalt nearby, before taking a deep breath and taking advantage of Jack now having walked ahead of me to worm my way on his opposite side, putting him between myself and the road as a car passes by. Feeling a small sense of relief, I try to get back to what I was trying to say.
“But, uh, but that was the plan we came up with when we were like, thirteen, so I guess it doesn’t even count at this point. And besides! You’re living with your girlfriend now, aren’tcha? It’d probably be kinda awkward if we all lived together now.” Jack made a gesture with one hand that we typically took to mean ‘sort of’.
“Eh, probably. But what I was trying to get at was that maybe you should think about getting a pet.” I looked over at Jack, expecting him to turn the statement into a joke somehow, but he didn’t, instead still keeping his eyes trained in front of us.
“A pet? You saw the state of my home, that place and its owner-” I gesture vaguely in some random direction I estimated to be where my apartment might be. “Are not ready for a creature that would be totally dependent on me. At best, I’d need a dog or something that could demand my attention when it needed it, and that’s assuming I’d even know what it wants.” I threw up my hands in a ‘I don’t know’ gesture as we paused to cross at a traffic light. He’d probably hear the motion in my tone if he didn’t see it from the corner of his eyes.
I shook my head at the notion, before following after Jack when the crosswalk sign changed. “No, if I was going to share my home with anything, it’d have to be able to tell me what it needs from me and when I’ve messed up. No, what I would need to get is a proper roommate. And probably a maid, while I’m at it.”
Jack rolls his eyes and scoffs at my words, before putting an arm around my shoulders mid-stride causing me to nearly lose my balance. His expression and tone become more light-heartedly teasing again as he replies.
“Good luck finding someone else that’ll put up with you for that long.” He chuckles. “So what about a hobby, then? Maybe having something to throw yourself into might help. Get you out of the house when I’m not around.” I was about to reply when he let go of me to make a quick step ahead of me. Well, more of a small jump than a step, really.
“You’ve always had a pretty good eye for aesthetics, you could take up painting, or photography! I think Kitty has some old equipment we could give you to get you started.” Jack grins widely as if every word he said was a stroke of brilliance. I let out a tired sigh and shook my head.
‘Nothing you could make would even be worth showing to anyone’
“Knowing when two patterns clash isn’t really all that impressive. Besides, I’ve tried both of those before; the colors and images in my mind never matched up with what my eyes would see in reality, so I just stopped bothering.” I said with a shrug. “I think I’ll just stick to binging shows, leave all the ‘making things’ stuff to you.”
“It doesn’t have to be an artsy hobby, you could take up dance, or archery, or drama or something. Heck, if you’re still into teas, I think Kitty could teach you a few things about traditional tea ceremony.” He finally turns to look at me properly, his expression morphs to one of sobering concern and something I can’t quite place, but it looks alien on him. “Just… Think about it, alright? I can’t always come by and drag you outside, so I’d like to know that you aren’t just moping around.”
“Yeah, I know.” I feel my mouth twitch up as I attempt to defuse the serious atmosphere that has surrounded us now. “Maybe miniature underwater basket-weaving; something very specific and yet totally useless.”
He huffs amusedly and faces forward again, his expression and the way he’d glance at me telling me that there was still something more he wanted to say. But I get the feeling that I didn’t want to hear what it is right now.
By the time we’ve started to reach the outskirts of what was considered downtown, Jack and I were back to talking about things that didn’t really matter. The shows we’ve been watching, the coworkers we’ve struggled with, the stories we’ve read, and so on. It honestly felt nice to fall into the feeling of it all, the earlier atmosphere just a memory now.
I found myself laughing at one of his jokes about coffee and a manatee when something out of the corner of my eye caught my attention. I turned my head and slowed down to get a better look at the store I can’t remember ever seeing before.
It was a relatively thin, two-story red brick building that had been empty for almost a year and a half, but now it sported neon signs, and a new coat of paint proclaiming it as some sort of pet adoption center. One neon sign claimed it to be open, but there were no signs of a grand opening banner, as if it had been here for a while already.
My eyes scanned the posters in the windows that advertised what they had, before quickly locking on to a few posters that advertised some sort of ‘mini-monsters’, with the image on one poster prominently displaying a small magical skeleton with glowing blue stars instead of eyes in its sockets as it sat in someone’s palm and looked to be reaching for the camera, with writing framing the picture. ‘The new line of the most popular, intelligent, and trainable companions; Bitty-Bones! They can’t wait to go home with you!’
“Hey, you good? You stopped all of a sudden.” Jack put his hand on my shoulder which caused me to startle from my reading.
“Oh! Y-Yeah, I’m good. I just didn’t recognize the shop here. You’d think after living here for so many years I’d know them all by heart, right? This one must have just snuck by me.” I waved him off and resumed walking with him. It wasn’t that unusual for me to get distracted, let alone by posters in windows, but something about that particular shop stuck out to me. I snuck one more quick glance at it behind me as I promised to myself that I’d have to look up ‘bitty bones’ on the computer when I got home.
-
BEEEEEEEP.
I opened the microwave and retrieved my formerly frozen spaghetti from it and stirred it with the fork I had only just scrubbed clean to use. I carried it with me back into the living room to eat on the couch, my computer already set up on the lamp table beside it.
Jack had left about half an hour ago, saying that he had dinner plans with his girlfriend. I shouldn’t have expected him to stay longer. He has a life of his own, and it doesn’t revolve around me. Though, considering the apartment isn’t exactly suitable for guests right now, perhaps I should be grateful he left so soon.
I sat on my old couch, pulling my legs up onto it so that I leaned into the couch’s arm, setting my food on the arm so that I had at least one hand free to browse the internet while I ate. Normally I’d set some videos to watch; let’s plays, hydraulic press stuff, story time videos, ect. Just whatever caught my eye at the time. But for once, I had something specific in mind to look up.
Something about that poster earlier stuck with me, leaving me with this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that I needed to find out more. I brought up the search engine on my computer and type in ‘bitty bones’ to search and was surprised by the sheer number of pages that came up. I spent a minute scrolling past previews of blogs of people showing off their bitty bones, and articles about strays or heroic bitties defending their owners from an attack, before I scrolled back to the search bar to refine my results.
It took a few minutes of finding the right combination of keywords while I mindlessly ate my spaghetti, but I eventually had found several articles and websites that actually explained what they are, after weeding out the ones with so much technical jargon I couldn’t understand a single paragraph.
Unfortunately, that mostly just left me with online care manuals and websites for the adoption centers that carried them. Still, it was enough to keep my interest and I read through page after page of information, which changed to several more pages for the specific needs for various breeds and sub-breeds, most of which I noticed were some form of skeleton.
Lil’ Bros, Sansys, Meeks, Edgys, and Cherries, there were so many types to look through, and from there I found links to information about MORE types of bitties, such as lamias, harpies, or ones that resembled centaurs but with the lower bodies of cats or dogs instead.
I found myself going down the rabbit hole on bitty care and type information, scouring the internet to learn about them all, including the non-skeleton types such as the flame-lamia FireRings, and bipedal goat-like Azzys, and how each type and sub-type have certain personalities with some variability. All Soft-Bones sleep a lot, Baby Blues are high-energy and prone to sugar rushes.
With so much variety and their apparent popularity, how did I not learn about these creatures until today? They are to be cared for as pets, with their size extremely rarely above a foot tall, they speak and comprehend languages based on the region they were created in, and they have the innate desire to bond with and love their owner.
By the time I bothered to look at the clock, I’d realized I had spent literally the entire night reading up on these creatures. I didn’t even feel tired anymore.
I quickly pulled out my phone to call Jack, fumbling twice from my eagerness, I put the phone up to my ear as the call started going through. After a few seconds of near bouncing in my seat, I hear the phone pick up, answered by Jack’s very groggy voice.
“Ngh… its seven’n the mornin. Wad’you want?” He is barely comprehensible, and obviously annoyed that I woke him up. Sometimes I forget that he’s really not a morning person, but being able to practically feel his glare through the phone is enough to remind me again.
“Er, sorry for waking you up. If you have the free time today, I want you to go with me someplace. I could use your reasoning.” And the fact that he’s actually gotten sleep within the last 3 days, but I don’t mention that last part.
“Ugh. Whyyyyyy?” He groans.
“Because I’m going to adopt a tiny skeleton roommate.”
“Oh… M’kay.” He’s silent on the other side of the line for a moment before I hear rustling and what sounded like the phone being dropped. I pull the phone a bit away from my ear in response to the sudden sound, something I am thankful for when I hear a confused shout from it next. “WHAT?!”