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Shen Yuan doesn’t know how he knows that Luo Binghe is a demon prince. Everyone calls him that. No one seems to question what demons are, or how they have royalty. Shen Yuan just looks at him one day and thinks: the demon prince seems sad.
Afterwards, he wonders why he thought it. Luo Binghe has never looked sad. He looks blank. He is their cultivation boarding school’s top student, always dragged out to demonstrate sword forms for the rest of the class. Shen Yuan gets to watch him a lot: his hard, lithe body, muscles flexing as he lunges and swipes. His glossy hair flowing in the wind, whipping around his face. But his handsome face shows no joy in his mastery. It’s always perfectly even, no light behind his eyes, like the beauty of an empty field of ice.
Everyone thinks Luo Binghe is handsome. But no one else seems worried about him.
He meets Shang Qinghua in the library. More specifically, he notices Shang Qinghua in the library, a mousy little cultivation student who keeps peeking at him from behind a book he’s clearly not reading. Shen Yuan waits for him outside, then grabs him by the wrist and says “What?”
“Um.” Shang Qinghua shifts his weight from one foot to the other. “Do you like Luo Binghe? Like, care about him?”
Shen Yuan flushes. It’s not like it’s unusual to care about Luo Binghe. He’s the most popular guy in school.
“I’m not being weird,” Shang Qinghua says quickly. “He just, um. There’s a role available, for someone who cares about him. If you want to help him. That’s all!”
Shen Yuan releases his wrist. “What does that mean?”
He spends the next two days reading a book that Shang Qinghua shoved into his hands, one that Shang Qinghua claims he wrote. The book is called The Demon Prince. It details Luo Binghe’s backstory, a tale of tragedy: orphaned twice, rejected by the human and demon worlds, clawed his way to power through endless fighting in the chasm of hell.
“So you’re trying to say that you wrote Luo Binghe?” Shen Yuan demands. “He’s a real person.”
Shang Qinghua hums thoughtfully. “Is he? Where did he come from? Have you ever seen his family?”
“I’ve never seen your family,” Shen Yuan says, “and I don’t think you’re a fictional character.”
“Well, I’m not,” Shang Qinghua says, “but he is. Anyway, do you want to be Shen Qingqiu or not?”
“Huh?”
Shen Qingqiu was the one bright spot in Luo Binghe’s meat grinder of a backstory. His kind, beautiful teacher, who gave Luo Binghe special attention and showered him with praise. After Luo Binghe fell into the rift between worlds, he could never find his teacher again. That loss haunted him for years.
“Bro, you read the ending, right?” Of course he did. If Shang Qinghua really wrote this book, he deserves a smack for such an overwrought, miserable ending. After years of suffering, Luo Binghe was so desperate for relief that he took his sword, Xin Mo, and used it to shatter his own heart to pieces. His emotions were permanently extinguished, leaving him cold and unfeeling.
Shameless tragedy porn. Shen Yuan hates books like that.
“Don’t yell at me! There’s part of the book missing!” Shang Qinghua says. “Look, Luo Binghe was supposed to get his heart back! Shen Qingqiu—you know, his teacher—he comes back, gathers up the pieces of Binghe’s heart and gives them back to him. But Luo Binghe escaped to the real world, and there’s no one to be Shen Qingqiu. So do you want to do it?”
What’s he supposed to say? What kind of monster would be given a chance to help Luo Binghe and say no?
Shang Qinghua gives him a jade pendant. When he touches it, his clothes fall away to reveal flowing green and white robes. His hair extends to an elegant sheet of shiny black twisted up with delicate silver pins, and a white silk fan appears in his hand. Also he gets about eight inches taller.
He gets it, okay? It’s like a magical girl transformation. He’s familiar with the trope.
So he’s supposed to find the pieces of Luo Binghe’s shattered heart and give them back.
For the next week, he stays Shen Yuan, the jade pendant a cool, ominous weight under his shirt. He watches Luo Binghe, as frosty and beautiful as always, silently dominating all the classes they share. Shang Qinghua told him to look for unusual occurrences, behavior influenced by a demon prince’s powerful heart shards.
“The heart shards are drawn to the emotions they represent,” Shang Qinghua tells him. “They won’t change someone’s feelings, they’ll just enhance what’s there. Make it overwhelming, like Bing-ge’s feelings.”
“Overwhelming?” Shen Yuan doesn’t even know Luo Binghe, but protectiveness tugs at his chest, a persistent little irritation. “You made Luo Binghe’s feelings overwhelming?”
Shang Qinghua rolls his eyes. “Duh, that’s why he took his heart out. That's the plot of the book. It’s okay though! He’ll be okay with Shen Qingqiu there. I mean, he won't know who you are, he doesn't have any memories from the book, but—he'll be okay.” Shen Yuan narrows his eyes at him, making Shang Qinghua repeat the reassurance several times.
Nothing unusual happens until he’s sparring in class one day, practicing with his sword, and then he’s suddenly on the ground. He blinks up to see Liu Qingge towering over him, his sword—much more powerful than Shen Yuan’s—outstretched, tip pointed at the student Shen Yuan had been fighting.
“Do not touch him,” Liu Qingge growls.
Shen Yuan gets up hastily. “I’m fine, it’s okay,” he says. He’s a mediocre cultivator, but he can defend himself!
Liu Qingge doesn’t move. “He was about to strike you.”
Shen Yuan winces. “I could have blocked it.” He probably wasn’t going to. But that’s what training is about, after all.
Liu Qingge’s frown deepens. “Stay behind me.”
“No, really—”
Liu Qingge whips his head around to glare at Shen Yuan, not entertaining any protest.
For the rest of the day, Liu Qingge trails after him and steps in the moment there’s any perceived threat. It’s embarrassing! Liu Qingge has always been a reliable friend, but not letting Shen Yuan step out into the street without making sure the way is clear is really a step too far. Shen Yuan doesn’t know how to stop him, though. It’s really quite sweet... and Liu Qingge seems so determined. He can’t make him feel bad.
It’s a relief when he notices the jade pendant pulsing warmly against his chest.
He ducks behind a big tree to transform into Shen Qingqiu. Magical girl stories never go into what the transformation looks like to other people. Would they see Shen Yuan naked? Would he float in the air and emit light? Absolutely mortifying, no thank you.
When he re-emerges, Liu Qingge stares at him, his beautiful eyes wider than Shen Yuan has ever seen. Okay, he knows he looks strange! He’s too tall and too pretty. As Shen Qingqiu, he’s able to reach out a hand and draw the shard out from where it’s buried itself in Liu Qingge's soul. As it’s absorbed into his pendant, the name of it floats into his mind: devotion.
Strange that that’s the one that latched onto Liu Qingge. It’s probably because Liu Qingge is so devoted to his combat practice. Yes, protecting Shen Yuan makes sense in that case.
So now he has to return it to Luo Binghe. The thought of talking to the demon prince makes him nervous, but his new form bolsters his courage. Luo Binghe has no need to know that he's speaking to the guy in his year who spends more time in the library than handling his sword. All he'll see is a tall, elegant man who (Shen Yuan now decides) will be hiding most of his face behind the silk fan.
He finds Luo Binghe sitting on a hillside, watching students train in formation with no expression on his face. Shen Yuan sits beside him. When Luo Binghe looks over at him, he presses both hands over the prince's chest and lets the little piece of Luo Binghe's heart flow back into him.
"Ah," Luo Binghe says. He curls a hand over his chest, eyes wide as he stares at Shen Yuan. He flinches with another small noise as the heart shard reintegrates within him. Then his eyes lock onto Shen Yuan's once more.
He is even more beautiful up close. The sun, low in the sky, lights up the side of his face with a golden glow, highlighting the sharp line of his cheekbone and bringing out a trace of gold in his dark eyes. Even knowing Luo Binghe isn't looking at the real him, Shen Yuan feels as though his skin has been torn off to allow Luo Binghe to peer at all his organs. He can't look away.
"Who are you?" Luo Binghe breathes.
"No one," Shen Yuan mutters.
"No, I—" Luo Binghe falls silent. He raises a hand to Shen Qingqiu's face, but doesn't quite touch him. After a moment he pulls his hand back and covers his mouth instead, his eyes still shining like pools of rainwater.
"I feel—" Luo Binghe says, then stops.
Shen Yuan feels sick. Memory loss or no, he looks like Luo Binghe's beloved teacher. He's just fooling Luo Binghe into feeling some residual—whatever. His stomach churns harder when he realizes there's only one emotion Luo Binghe is capable of feeling now.
"I have to go," he says hastily, stumbling to his feet, and hurries off before Luo Binghe can ask him to stay.
The next day Luo Binghe is quiet and moody. He keeps looking around the room, looking out the windows, and frowning down at his hands. Shen Yuan tries to shrink and become even less noticeable than before.
The next shard turns up after an older student, Yue Qingyuan, has a dramatic qi deviation during training. Shen Yuan only hears about it, but he transforms into Shen Qingqiu and rushes there to extract the heart shard, which whispers loneliness in his mind as it's consumed by his pendant.
His hands tremble as he gives this one back. Luo Binghe's eyes cloud, his beautiful face creasing as the emotion burdens him. Then he grabs Shen Yuan's wrists.
"Don't go again," he begs. "Please, I—I don't know who you are, but—don't leave again."
Shen Yuan burns with guilt. He stays, standing close while Luo Binghe clutches his wrists and whispers, "Please, please, I need you."
"I'm here," he assures him. He may not be who Luo Binghe wants, but he can't stand seeing him looking so desperate. "I won't leave."
Eventually the sky grows dark. Luo Binghe's head comes to rest on his shoulder. Shen Yuan strokes Luo Binghe's hair until he's nearly dozing standing up.
"Don't leave," Luo Binghe murmurs into his collarbone.
"I'll come back," he says. "I promise." It comes out more viciously than he meant it to, a surge of emotion tearing through him as he says it.
Luo Binghe finally nods and steps away, eyes averted so he doesn't have to watch Shen Yuan go.
He can't stop watching Luo Binghe after that. Every little crease of his forehead or unhappy twitch of his mouth knifes into Shen Yuan. It distracts him so much, he falls further behind in class than usual, and ends up having to stay late for extra practice.
That's how he hears heavy breathing coming from a closet in the silent school hallway. It's locked, but when he gets the door open he finds a small student shivering and staring up at him with colorless eyes like full moons. His cheeks are faintly scale-patterned. Zhuzhi-lang admits he's spent the last two days in the closet, terrified of being called a monster and chased down by his righteous cultivator classmates. Shen Yuan pats his shoulder and pulls the shard fear right out of his chest.
This time, Luo Binghe cries out when the shard returns to him. He crouches on the ground and trembles, unable to stop no matter how much Shen Yuan whispers reassurances in his ear and strokes his back. He kisses Luo Binghe's hair, shushing him as Luo Binghe whimpers with fright.
Shen Yuan tracks down Shang Qinghua after that, furious.
"You said he would be okay!" he yells. They're in the library, and students' gazes swing over to him, but he doesn't care. "It's hurting him. I won't do it anymore."
"Bro, you can't just stop," Shang Qinghua says. "Of course it's hard! He mutilated himself to stop feeling!"
"But there hasn't been anything good yet!" Shen Yuan says. "I'm just making things worse. I won't do it." He tears off the jade pendant and throws it at Shang Qinghua.
But Luo Binghe is miserable. Even others notice. He's anxious and jumpy, perfect face permanently unhappy.
Finally, Shen Yuan works up the nerve to approach him in the courtyard and ask if everything is okay.
It's the first time he's spoken to Luo Binghe as himself. He expects to be stared through with Luo Binghe's customary disinterest in anyone who's not Shen Qingqiu. But Luo Binghe looks directly at him, and the force of his expression guts Shen Yuan.
"I'm scared that I'll never see someone again," he says.
Shen Yuan swallows. "If—if seeing him again—if it meant you might get hurt... would you still want to?"
"Yes," Luo Binghe says immediately, his face twisting in desperation. "I don't care, yes, anything."
Shen Yuan humbly asks Shang Qinghua for his pendant back.
The next shard is sadness. He gets it from a man he finds deep in the forest, locked in a hut. A man who looks a lot like Luo Binghe but older and more weathered, and not as good-looking, of course.
Shen Yuan does not want to give it back. Luo Binghe has suffered enough. But at least he can be there. He read the book; after Luo Binghe lost his teacher, no one was there for him while he ached with sorrow. At least Shen Yuan can catch Luo Binghe in his arms even before the shard's effect spreads through him, so that Luo Binghe is held tightly as he crumples and weeps.
"You promised you'd come back," he sobs, "and you were gone and I was so afraid—"
"And I came back," Shen Yuan says firmly. "And I will again. I won't leave you, Binghe." But Luo Binghe doesn't have the ability to feel happy yet. The only emotion he has that doesn't hurt him is devotion. Shen Yuan can see him cling to it, gripping Shen Yuan harder and harder, using his attachment to soothe the tears. Trying to make it the only thing he feels. Shen Yuan holds him, helpless.
He cannot fail to repair Luo Binghe's heart.
The next shard is a relief. He figures it out when one of the other top students stops showing up to class. Liu Mingyan is stuck in her dormitory room, feverishly writing reams of fiction that Shen Yuan barely glances at before he has to look away from embarrassment. She's just having fun, more fun than anything she could do outside her room, and when Shen Yuan extracts the heart shard, his own heart squeezes to recognize it as joy.
Luo Binghe's smile is radiant. Although they meet under the moonlight this time, he glows brighter than the sun. He clasps Shen Yuan's hands and kisses both of them, eyes glossy with happiness.
"I think..." he says. "I think I'm starting to know... who you are."
Shen Yuan's stomach drops. Oh no. He should have guessed that restoring Luo Binghe's heart would also restore his memory. He's going to remember his real teacher, and Shen Yuan will be exposed as the impostor he is, swooping in to receive these devastating smiles he's not entitled to. Luo Binghe is meant to be smiling at someone else.
He can't bring himself to say anything that would dim Luo Binghe's happiness. He lets himself be embraced and nuzzled, petted and kissed on the cheek. Even his taller body feels too full of emotion, his heart a bruise that Luo Binghe keeps pressing on. He is giving Luo Binghe back the capacity to be devastated when he finds out the truth. All he can do for now is delay it and take his own shameful pleasure in Luo Binghe's embrace.
Piece by piece, Luo Binghe's heart returns to him. The negative emotions always outweigh the positives. Anger. Curiosity. Guilt. Resentment. Relief. Finally, the weakening throb of Shen Yuan's jade pendant tells him Luo Binghe's broken heart is almost complete.
"I think there's, like, one more piece," Shen Yuan says, sitting down with Shang Qinghua for lunch at a cafe in town. "I think—who is that?"
"Hm?" Shang Qinghua looks over his shoulder and grimaces. Sitting a few tables away and staring straight at them is a student in the colors of their school, tall and handsome with long dark hair and an intensely focused expression.
"Oh, him," Shang Qinghua says. "I think he hates me. He keeps trying to get me in trouble. Interrupting classes to give me things, writing me threatening letters, all Shang Qinghua, I won't give up on you. Things like that."
Shen Yuan's pendant flashes.
"You're an idiot," he tells Shang Qinghua.
He leaves the cafe with love pulsing gently under his shirt.
Shen Yuan finds Luo Binghe sitting by the lake, the setting sun bathing him with golden light. When Luo Binghe sees him, he breaks into a smile and scrambles to his feet, throwing himself into Shen Yuan's arms.
"Needy," Shen Yuan says, but he can't bring himself to say it in a chastising tone. His voice comes out fond instead. He breathes in the scent of Luo Binghe's neck.
"Yes," Luo Binghe happily agrees.
Shen Yuan pulls back. "Let me..."
But when he presses a hand to Luo Binghe's chest, the heart shard starting to return to its host, Luo Binghe startles and knocks his arm away. He stares at Shen Yuan, his eyes wide with fear. Shen Yuan knows how to recognize each of his emotions—he poured them into Luo Binghe one by one and watched them take root.
"Not that one," Luo Binghe says. He's more subdued than a moment ago, his shoulders tense.
"Binghe, it's not bad," Shen Yuan says gently.
"Don't—" Luo Binghe's voice rises in pitch. "Don't lie to me, I could feel it. It hurt."
"Oh, Binghe." Shen Yuan cradles his head to his shoulder. Luo Binghe is taller than him, even as Shen Qingqiu, but he'll always lower his head when Shen Yuan pulls him in.
"I can't," Luo Binghe says, his hands reaching up to grasp the front of Shen Yuan's robes.
"It's okay," Shen Yuan whispers. Luo Binghe shakes his head vehemently.
He lets himself be soothed, though. After a few minutes of Shen Yuan's soft comforting noises, he says moodily, "You want me to."
"There's no need to do anything you don't want," Shen Yuan says. "But I would like to see your heart restored to you." He wants to know who Luo Binghe is, all parts of him.
Luo Binghe takes a step back, eyes red-rimmed and wild. "Do it, then."
He cries out in pain as the heart shard returns to him, wrapping his arms around himself. His fingers scrabble at his chest like he wants to tear his heart out again with his bare hand.
Shen Yuan doesn't want to look at his face. The thought of watching Luo Binghe discover love makes him queasy. He does it though, of course, he can't just look away.
When Luo Binghe looks up at Shen Yuan, his expression is awed, his eyes wide and beautiful mouth fallen open.
“Shizun,” he breathes.
Shen Yuan’s mouth is dry. “No,” he says, miserable. “No, I’m not.”
“You are!” Luo Binghe is looking at him with such tenderness it makes Shen Yuan unsteady. He takes a half-step back. His tongue is stuck to the roof of his mouth. It takes a couple tries to say anything more.
“I’m not,” he says finally. “I’m sorry.” He reaches into his robes and touches the jade pendant. The disguise melts away, his beautiful robes turning into regular student clothes, his hair turning short and messy, his height dwindling as he reveals himself to be nothing but Shen Yuan. His throat is so tight he can hardly breathe. “I’m your classmate.”
But Luo Binghe’s dazzling expression doesn’t falter. “I know you,” he insists. “I would recognize you anywhere. Shizun.”
“No!” Shen Yuan has never felt smaller. He’s not enough: not a good cultivator, not what Luo Binghe wants. “I’m not him, Binghe, I’m sorry. I...” His eyes sting. “I wish I was, I...”
He knows what Luo Binghe must be feeling, the emotion newly blooming inside him. He knows its name and the feel of it nestled against his chest. He wants it to be for him more than anything in the world.
“Shizun.” Luo Binghe touches his hair. The warmth in his voice makes Shen Yuan’s throat spasm.
“Binghe...?"
Where did he come from, Shang Qinghua said, have you ever seen his family?
Shen Yuan’s head is spinning. Who are his own parents? He can’t seem to remember. Does he have a family? A childhood? He can’t remember anything from before he came to this school.
But he remembers Luo Binghe. A younger version, face as bright as a little dumpling, bringing him congee and fussing over him while he ate.
Luo Binghe cooking for him and cleaning the house, obsessively dusting every surface. Luo Binghe happily submitting to having his forms corrected, letting Shen Qingqiu adjust his stance, then shamelessly doing it wrong again. The skip of his heart when Luo Binghe would return after a journey, too strong for him to lie to himself that Luo Binghe was like all his other students.
“Binghe!” Shen Qingqiu puts his hands on Luo Binghe’s chest. “Binghe, why would you tear your heart out? Why would you make me go to all this trouble, hm?”
“Shizun!” Luo Binghe gathers him in his arms. Still in his student’s body, Shen Qingqiu is too short for Luo Binghe to bury his face in his chest, but Luo Binghe tries anyway, bending down and pressing their bodies together.
Shen Qingqiu throws his arms around Luo Binghe’s neck. Luo Binghe tips his chin up and kisses him. Shen Qingqiu goes weak in his arms, letting Luo Binghe hold him up. He strokes Luo Binghe’s hair, touches his shoulders, runs his hands down his back. With his eyes closed, all he can feel is the heat of Luo Binghe’s mouth, the warm solidity of his body, the beating of his own heart.