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They had both had a little too much to drink. Well, Henry had had a little too much; Lucas had had rather a lot. The boy was drowning his sorrows after yet another date had gone sour. Henry was only listening with half an ear, just enough to make the odd appropriate comment while his mind wandered.
Jo and Hanson were queuing at the bar as Lucas started describing the end of the evening. Apparently things had gone better than Henry had first thought. Lucas’s girlfriend had gone home with him for a further drink.
“Well, that’s good,” he said in what he hoped was a suitable tone that indicated he was distantly pleased for Lucas whilst really not needing to hear anymore.
“Yeah,” Lucas said, twisting his hands, “I guess so. I mean yes. But, well…”
“She turned you down?” Henry asked trying to sound sympathetic
“No!” Lucas said, sounding astounded. “I mean, I thought she would and, you know, that’s cool. She was really nice and really likes graphic novels and she watched some of my vines and, you know I really liked her. So, if she wanted keep things slow then, yeah. But she didn’t,” he added forlornly.
“And that’s not good?” Henry asked perplexed. Given Lucas’s apparent strike out rate he would have thought the boy would be over the moon… ah.
“Oh,” he said. “Oh, I see. Well,” He cleared his throat. “Well, that happens, Lucas. Maybe next time. Just, um, take your time.”
He glanced back at the boy. Lucas’s eyes were wide and his jaw had dropped.
“No! No, Doc,” He said in a strangled voice. “It’s not that! I mean, hey, little Lucas is pretty reliable. No problems in that department, no sirree!”
“Okay,” said Henry desperately. “Good. Ah, Jo, thank you!” He took a large mouthful of his cognac as Jo and Hanson placed the drinks on the table.
Lucas buried himself in his tasteless American beer, his face flushed. “It was her!” he mumbled his words a little slurred. “She didn’t, um, you know and I couldn’t, um…”
A silence fell across the table. Hanson looked mortified; Jo looked like she was trying not to laugh. Henry fixed his eyes firmly on his drink.
“I don’t know what to do?” Lucas mumbled.
“Ask her,” said Jo briskly. “Get her to show you.”
Hanson went bright red and announced he was going to the john. Henry suspected he would be gone for several minutes. He rather wished he’d thought of it first.
“I did,” Lucas protested. His voice was slurred but there was a genuine note of misery in his voice. “I really like this girl,” he added sadly.
Henry and Jo glanced at each other. The look held a whole conversation that covered the necessity of being nice to Lucas, the desire to help him on Jo’s part and the need to shut him up as soon as possible on Henry’s with an addendum pointing out that Lucas was asking about women and this was really her responsibility to respond and he would sit here quietly downing good cognac faster than was appropriate because how did he get himself into these situations?
Jo took a deep breath as Henry elected to stare out of the window, distancing himself from the conversation.
“So what did she ask you to do?”
Lucas was sober enough to go beet red but disinhibited enough to say, “She asked to you know,” He made a complicated gesture involving his mouth and a vague gesture south.
“She asked you to go down on her?” Jo asked calmly.
Lucas nodded silently.
“And what happened?”
“Um, well,” Lucas squirmed in his chair. “She seemed to like it, a lot, but not enough if you know what I mean.” He looked like he was regretting starting the conversation. “And, er, it went on for ages and, well, I got tired and well, things ached.”
“Your mouth and tongue?”
“Mmm hmm,” Lucas was scarlet now.
“Suction,” said Henry absently. “Not enough suction or general stimulation, I should think.”
He realised they were both staring at him, Lucas in confusion, Jo in amusement.
“Er, did I say that out loud?”
Jo nodded.
“Can we pretend I didn’t?”
Jo shook her head slowly and deliberately. She leaned back in her seat and folded her arms, evidently preparing to enjoy the show.
“Come on, Doc,” Lucas said desperately. “Henry. Please. Help me out here!”
Henry groaned. “Can’t you, I don’t know, “Google” it or something?”
Puppy dog eyes stared at him.
“The Internet’s not always very reliable about this stuff,” Jo pointed out. “Lucas deserves some personal advice, don’t you think?”
Henry tried to glare at her without Lucas seeing. She smiled and made a gesture for him to continue.
Very well. After all, it was only another lecture on anatomy and physiology. He could do this.
“I assume you, um, know enough to concentrate on her clitoris, yes?” Henry paused. “You can find the clitoris can’t you?”
Lucas choked on his beer. “Ummm, yes. Advantage of all those anatomy courses I did to become an ME’s assistant. Joke.” He added hastily.
“Alright. So the majority of the stimulation needs to be there,” Henry did his best to avoid Jo’s eyes. “Suction provides a more intense stimuli to the clitoral shaft and head.”
“What,” Lucas said sounding dumbfounded. “Suck it?”
“Well, would you, ah, reach climax easily if there was no suction involved in the equivalent act?” Henry hoped he wasn’t going red.
This time Lucas looked like he had been hit by a bolt of illumination. “Wow. OK, that makes sense.” He looked at Henry eagerly, embarrassment apparently forgotten. “What else?”
“Manual vaginal stimulation,” Henry said. “At the same time. See if she has a sensitive g-spot – no I’m not going to tell you how to find it, I know you can look that up yourself. And if she’s adventurous you can try some mild anal stimulation.”
He stopped and drained his glass. “That is it and we are never talking about this again, understand?”
“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” Lucas babbled. I’m going to call her now and – “
“I don’t need to know,” Henry told him. “But I think you owe me a drink.”
Lucas scampered off and Henry reluctantly looked at Jo.
She smiled at him. “I’m mildly impressed,” she said.
“Only mildly?”
“Well, it wasn’t the advanced course,” she said, a hint of challenge in her voice.
He inclined his head. “Oh, I agree, but,” he glanced over to where Lucas had disappeared into the crowd. “I’m not sure he was ready to hear any of that. Let him walk before he tries to run.” He met her eyes and her challenge, holding her gaze until Hanson reappeared carrying apology drinks.
“Is it safe to sit down?”
Jo nodded. “Henry has dealt with Lucas’s problem in quite some detail.”
Hanson grinned. “Damn, maybe I should have stayed then. Henry, is there anything you can’t lecture on?”
“If there is I haven’t found it yet,” Henry replied, raising his glass in thanks.
“So, Jo,” Hanson added, “Did you learn anything?”
She gave him a shove with her hand. “Only that Henry is always a surprise.” She gave Henry a sly, appraising look.
“I shall try not to feel insulted by that,” Henry said drily.
“Makes me wonder what other secrets you’re keeping,” Jo said teasingly.
He cleared his throat. “I wouldn’t have thought an understanding of – as you pointed out – basic female sexual response was much of a secret.”
She nodded, smiling broadly. “Well a lot of men don’t even get the basics. Nice to know there’s a few of you around that do.”
He raised his glass in acknowledgement.
“Hey,” said Hanson. “What about me? I’ve been married for fifteen years. Doesn’t that get me some points?”
“Absolutely not,” said Jo. “It might get your wife some points though. Besides you chickened out so we don’t know what you know. Henry accepted the challenge and acquitted himself well.”
“Okay,” Hanson seemed to accept this. “Well done Doc. Hope it does Lucas some good.”
To Henry’s intense relief the conversation turned to other subjects though he couldn’t help noticing the speculative looks Jo was giving him.
When he returned to the morgue on Monday morning, he was pleased to see that Lucas greeted him exactly as he normally did. Thank goodness they were going to pretend the whole conversation hadn’t happened.
He went into his office and stopped. A shiny gift bag sat on his desk. Cautiously he opened it to find a bottle of 12 year old Bowmore Lairig with a small note. In Lucas’s scrawl it said briefly:
Thanks,
I owed you a drink